#bc ANN'S IS SO GOOD IM IN TEARS

[sharpsuite]

♢  — WHICH OF THE 7 LOVE EMOTIONS DO YOU FEEL MOST?

whispers, then Shouts

you love quietly -little touches, little gestures, little words. At first other people might not get it, then they'll think that this is it -you just love quietly. But that's not true, is it? It swells just besides your heart, unsaid words, ungiven gestures, unfelt touches. You want to love loudly, to let your loved ones know how much they mean to you, to finally let all that pressure out. But you can't. You don't know how to love loudly anymore. Do you think people forget how to love? The memories are still there of course. So you traces the photos of your childhood and remember how it felt to love loudly -to love without fear. The words just won't come out of your mouth, no matter how much you practice them in the back of your head. You start to wonder how much more you can take, how much more feelings need to build up before you explode. They have to, right? You can't just hold them in forever.

honey, thyme and bread

you start kneading in the morning, your lover wrapped sleepily around you. Your hands effortlessly work around them, their presence so usual that you would feel cold without it. You smile at them and sprinkle the dough with their favorite spices. You press a kiss against their temple and work honey into your loaf. The both of you remain wrapped around each other even after you've closed the oven door, enjoying each others warmth before taking on your morning rituals. When you return into the kitchen with your hair in a towel, you feel it. Is love really a feeling? If it is it smells like honey, thyme and bread. Your lover is making tea while you pull the bread out of the oven. They hand you a cup, just how you like it, before you break the golden crust. You both bask in it, in sharing the same tastes and sharing the same spaces. You press the last slice into your lovers hands and watch them eat it while sipping your tea, watch their eyes shimmer with every sweet bite.

tagged by: i found it tagging: @cartelheir ; @saburaito ; @psielapki ; @samuhelll ; @crue11 + everyone else i didn't tag :)

[asoulwithadream]

TEASER REVIEW BECAUSE I'M DEAD

it's him. he's back. HE'S BACK. BESTIES HE'S BACK. i'm sick. his letter has caused my entire brain to shut down. "I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I LOVE BEING NEAR YOU. BREATHING THE SAME AIR" bestie how did you find ao3 in 1717? AND THEY GAVE US ALL THAT IN THE FUCKING TEASER TOO?????? dude he looks so fucking heartbroken– YEARNING RAAAAAAAH

THIS FUCKING SCENE— he CUSTOMISED THE TOPPERS TO LOOK LIKE THEM I'M CRYING SOBBING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. omg omg omg omg they love eachother so much PLEASE. and poor sweet ed jesus he has been CRYING AND HE LOOKS SO EMPTY IM SICK IM DYING IM DEAD. i'm sick, i need the icu help. does this mean he's good at painting.

GOTH UNIFORMS. THEY'RE REAL. im so incredible sick frenchie has cat claws. HE HAS CAT CLAWS IM DYING. and JIM HAS A PAINTED BEARD and SHAVED SIDES. i'm actually going to burst into tears. my heart is going to stop at any moment. even FANG HAS A COOL NEW UNIFORM

i don't think i'm alive anymore at this point. THE PARALLEL. THE PARALLEL. and 9 guns he literally turned into the kraken. HE TURNED INTO THE VERY THING HE HATED HELP ME PLEASE (also did anyone notice the scene where he rose out of the ocean was very similar to potc??????? help??????) stede please stop looking lovingly out in the distance my heart has gotten enough beatings

competent stede in red. FABULOUS IM GOING TO CRYYY 2. izzy hands it's izzy isreal it's you PLEASE this is so reminisence of all the ao3 fics— izzy's finally realised what ed has become and needs to go find stede and bring ed back PLEASE HELP I'm GOING TO CRY IZZY AND STEDE BEING FRIENDS NO NO NO NO NO HELP HELP HELP HELP this is his road to self discovery and acceptance and love i'm feral

that's the same place mofos THAT'S THE SAME PLACE. THEY'RE CLOSE. omg they're going to end up FIGHTING EACHOTHER AREN'T THEY AREN'T THEY OR IS IT THE FIRST TIME THEY SEA EACHOTHER . (also, COMPETENT STEDE?????) HELP ME THEY'RE SO FIGHTING. OMG what if they're running TOWARDS EACHOTHER OKFLAIKHFL please this is insane i will cry david jenkins you have forsaken us all.

minnie what are you doing to stede. HE DOESn'T WANT IT. He'S UNCOMFORTABLE IN SUCH A STATE. LITERALLY THE NAME OF ONE OF THE EPISODES ANNE LEAVE HIM ALONE, (and do it to me) (please i'm desperate)

these two barbies are having the times of their lives.

im convinced that "susan" (whoever ruibo quan is playing) is a mermaid. buttons is being taught the way of the sea by her since she is part fish. she is setting him up with the ocean so they can make sweet love, instead of yearning like captain blondie and emo over there

WHO'S FALLEN IN A RIVER IN LEGO CITY. IT MUST BE SOMEONE ON BLACKBEARD'S SHIP MATES IS IT ED????? ED HAS FALLEN OFF A SHIP IN LEGO CITY. HELP ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW OMG THE REVENGE ISN'T SINKING ISN'T SHE??? PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME

THIS IM SORRY BUT WEE JOHN IS LOOKING ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, ROACH HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, AND IS THAT PETE THAT MUST BE PETE IT'S PETE ISN'T IT IT'S BLACK PETE. we don't have enough content with pete. YOU KNOW WHY? or else it would have to include LUCIUS. HAH. got you there david

well. that concludes my current rant. other parts of the trailer have been excluded bc they deserve their own posts OR others have phrased it better than me LMAO (yeah because what i wrote is peak shakespeare)

october 5th can't come fast enough help me

**UPDATE: FULL THEORY BASED ON THIS

[obrother1976]

can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain

sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one

death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)

the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)

erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)

gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)

indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)

the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)

querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)

crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:

Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)

ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)

also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:

christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)

the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)

exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)

autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)

as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)

skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)

[mayiiaya]

I am on the fucking verge of tears right now. I just love Aesop Carl so much like why was he put on this planet just to taunt me with his weird undead beauty. LIKE HIS MOUTH?? Someone on Twitter (I forgot who) pointed out the parts that have been extended make like a little frog smile and like that is so so cute

Like what? Bro stop being adorable. Aesop gets so much hate bc he killed Anne and Ganji as if half cast aren’t murderers too yall just hate autistic characters. Also a lot of people (that I’ve seen) like too portray him as like a “omg I hate people im so shy 🥺🥺” kinda guy as if he isn’t a cocky prick who is a little bit of an asshole (in a good way tho and even if he wasn’t I’d still love him so much).

He is so oinky boinky and I need to shove him off a cliff and put him in a comically large blender

[some-stars]

also if you read and love antigone you should definitely check out anne carson’s Antigonick which is not a translation but kind of a riff/transformative work and is STUNNING. (she also has a straight translation available but it’s not uniquely brilliant, there are several good ones.) and definitely the anouilh too. there are actually a LOT of interesting works inspired by antigone; the concept album by Clair Obscur (on bandcamp iirc) is one of my favorite transformative works of all time.

also i love euripides forever in general, even the weird unpopular ones (anne carson’s alcestis RUINED me), but i think tumblr users would really enjoy the bacchae. it’s definitely a weird one but it’s about dionysus being ambiguously queer (in both a sexual and political sense) and women tearing men limb from limb so, not much of a personal element or relatable characters like antigone or medea but extremely interesting nonetheless. to me, at least. (im also biased bc it’s the only one ive read in greek.)

also can i just say as someone w a classics degree, much as I love the Iliad it is kind of a slog to get through and not very accessible to ppl new to ancient literature so i wouldn't recommend it. (very few people have actually read it in its entirity also bcos basically everyone skims over the fucking catalogue of ships lmao)

The Odyssey and the Aeneid are both much easier reads (both are structured more like modern novels). a lot of Greek tragedies are also very accessible reads if you get a good translation. Agamemnon, Media and Oedipus are the stand outs.

some other recommendations:

u can knock out all of Sappho's surviving work in an hour or so

the Argonautica (Apollonius) is a breezy 175 pages & is a post-classical experimental take on the story of Jason and the Argonauts

Catullus is a fucking riot

[littlestpersimmon]

i started reading the series (aaa im not sure which part is the actual series name so sorry) with the fitz / the fool as a kid but i never got too far in the series so i was really surprised to see you post about tones of mlm (esp bc my dad was the one who owned this series and suggested i read it, and hes homophobic as shit) i was just curious, what is the nature of the relationship of fitz & the fool in the series? (the snippets you posted just before, seemed like unrequited love?) im esp intrigued of your interp of it as someone who is mlm. though, pls dont feel like u have to go into it if its too extensive to go into or anything though or if u just dont wanna!

Fitz and the Fool's relationship tends to go under the radar, but you wanna know whats hilarious though? Some of the oldest comments in goodreads and ancient forums online complain that Fitz should have realized that the Fool was actually a woman and that the Fool is Fitz' true love, lol. Canonically, The Fool is genderqueer, using he/him and she/her, depending on who is present, and the Fool is canonically, outright in love with Fitz. It's accepted that Fitz and the Fool are canonically romantic, but only at the very end of the series, in their deaths.

My personal interpretation is that Fitz is gay and not bisexual.

That's my Personal Opinion, as in, you guys can disagree. Molly never stops feeling like puppy love, like someone Fitz cares about because of what she represents and not of who she is as a person. I don't like complaining about canon, but rote is my one exception. People rag on Anne Rice all the time for being notoriously anti fanfic, but what she was saying at the time was shared by many other authors, Robin Hobb included, whose anti fanfic post made it to encyclopedia dramatica. Robin Hobb said "for Fitz to be gay is a destruction of his character". Robin Hobb said that nobody in realm of the elderlings gets a fairytale ending because that's not how the world works, while Burrich is conveniently killed so Fitz can marry Molly.

Fitz is terrified of coming out to Robin Hobb.

Maybe that's why the Fool says Fitz shows his love from his actions. Fitz says he could never desire the Fool sexually, but when faced with the possibility of the Fool being intimate with someone else (Jofron), he is devastated. Fitz doesn't like Amber because not only does Amber (who is the Fool as a woman) forces Fitz to confront his own transphobia, she also makes Fitz uncomfortable with his own homophobia. The Pale Woman is also a good example of this. She promises to give Fitz what Beloved could never give him, she promises to "perfect" What Fitz has with Beloved, and all the while, the Pale Woman's most effective weapon against Fitz is of how much she reminded Fitz of the Fool.

Robin Hobb made it a point that her series always veered toward unsatisfying endings because that was how realistically the world worked, so it makes me wonder why Fitz didn't end up with women like Jinna or Starling, who both would have been more narratively interesting (imagine Starling, who hated the Fool, popping out Bee, a kid who looked just like the Fool.)

Fast forward to Fitz in Withywoods where he is unhappy with his life. His relationship with Molly is never shown but told, and you, as the reader will just have to be convinced of it. He stays in his little room aching for his wolf and his friend, never telling anyone about them, always feeling like a part of him is missing.

Fitz never takes the initiative when it comes to how he loves people. The way he loves is unassuming and reticent, and not everyone will understand that, but the Fool did. Throughout his entire life, starting from their childhoods in the castle as outcasts.

They're canon kind of by the 3rd book of Farseer, but the flirtation between them is deeply subtle, always brief, it's like Fitz only seeing the Fool through a hallway made of sheer curtains until the very end of the 17th book where he tears down all the thin walls between them to be wholly together.

It's funny how the Fool is the one throughout the series poking and prodding Fitz, needling him and initiating the little proclamations of love and devotion and you get angry at Fitz for not reciprocating until you realize the Fool is also guarded, has his own walls up.

To Molly, Fitz is newboy, to the Farseers, Fitz is the son of Chivalry, to Starling he was the promise of a song, but to the Fool, he is the closest he will ever be to Keppet, the boy who was loved by his mountain mother, and the boy who was loved by the white prophet

And in the very end Fitz is the one who has the resolve; that he wants to be with the Fool, more than anyone else, in his dying thoughts he wanted only to be with the Fool, who still has his walls up, until Bee tells him

"don't you realize you were loved the best?"

[renegadeshroom]

i will NEVER recover from the amphibia finale but thats fine thats fine while im lying here on the ground in a puddle of tears? headcanon time: for one thing the last scene is absolutely the beginning of sashannarcy moving in together bc 1) anne and sasha have both most likely finished/are in the process of finishing their tertiary education, and marcy certainly seems to have freed herself from the burden of academic study. 2) all three of them appear to be settling in to stable careers/jobs, and on the ten year anniversary of the core's invasion of earth it would be all the more poignant for them. hitting em so hard in the feelings and the nostalgia and everything, and they all absolutely still love each other despite having apparently been apart for the vast majority of the time. its the PERFECT opportunity for a fresh start in their early-to-mid twenties. marcy absolutely has the financial freedom now to be able to do it also anne absolutely helps dr. jan coauthor a paper on medieval amphibian-norse contact and terri is for SURE still working on portals so ofc theyre gonna reunite with the amphibians soon. anne's gonna become earth's leading xenoherpetologist and GOOD FOR HER. between terri, ally, jess, and dr. jan, that portal is gonna be a cinch for annes bday present (though probably next bday :b) also anne got a big ugly pet toad and named it grime and is SO excited for marcy to meet him (sasha already met him when they started moving in to their new place while waiting for marcys flight and she loves him.) when they reunite with the amphibians they show grime pictures of grime -- anne is a scientist, it would be incredibly irresponsible to introduce even more alien organisms to amphibia -- and he tries to be stoic and manages it for all of 2.5 seconds before he breaks down crying and says he loves him and wants to have him. sashannarcy all say "NO!" in unison. he cant have him but he can visit

[jaekaicx]

quick dont think abt an au where marcy ended up moving away from los angeles and amphibia never happened

dont think about marcy being disappointed abt the box not working and then hating themself for hoping it would work in the first place

dont think about marcy not telling anne or sasha abt moving away til the last second. abt how he just wouldnt be able to bring himself to talk abt it or bring it up. or how theyd hype themself up and try to force himself to just tell them, but couldnt.

dont think abt marcy planning something epic for his last full day in LA, working out an awesome, fun-filled, perfect day to try to make the most out of their last moments with their friends. dont think abt anne and sasha thinking abt how odd marcys been acting or how its strange how… desperate marcy seems today, but brushing it off.

dont think about marcy making every excuse to stretch out the day, trying to stay with his friends for just a couple more hours, another half hour, a few more minutes. how theyd scramble for more things to do and run out of reasons to continue.

dont think abt anne or sash saying they have to go soon because theyve been out for too long and they need to get back before curfew or their parents are gonna worry. dont think abt marcy begging them to stay for just a bit longer, but they just cant stay anymore, sorry

dont think abt marcy breaking and blurting out that “IM MOVING TOMORROW” and this is their last chance to hang out together. or abt the silence that follows

dont think abt the three of them cuddling together during a last-minute sleepover. dont think abt the drying tears lingering on their cheeks

dont think about them waking up early the next day bc “my parents wanna leave early so we can get to the new place before it gets late” and sasha and anne waiting at the doorstep as the wus pack up

dont think abt their final goodbyes. or their final hugs. dont think abt marcy diving into their arms and making annes shirt wet with tears and mumbling how he doesnt wanna leave and theyll miss them and they dont wanna lose them. dont think abt sasha being a bit awkward but trying her best, or anne comforting marcy as best as she can but breaking into tears soon after

dont think abt the group hug lasting for too long. or abt marcys parents calling him saying its time to go. dont think abt the whisper of “i dont wanna let go”

dont think abt anne and sasha watching the wus finally pile into the car. abt marcy trying to pretend theyre not bawling his eyes out, being ashamed abt crying so much.

dont think abt the car pulling out of the driveway as anne sasha and marcy lock eyes through the car window. how marcy holds their gaze for as long as he can from the back seat.

dont think abt anne running after the car, calling out marcys name. or sasha running after her. dont think abt marcy pressed up against the glass, watching as her friends slowly shrink into the background.

dont think abt anne finally stopping as sasha catches up. dont think abt how they can only chase after a moving car for so long.

and dont think abt marcys car turning onto the main road, falling out of sight. gone for good

[doyouremem8erme]

I would love to see a directors cut of the vivisectanne au, it's my favorite fic series of yours (I am very mentally ill)

WOOO this may get longish im just gonna rant abt all sorts of stuff i did in there. under the cut for length and discussion of. the topics of this au! so cw for mentions of vivisection, torture, self harm, and suicidal thoughts, and passages from the fics that may contain descriptions of those. even if youre tagged you dont have to read through all of this. its heavy.

so first off the first chapter was originally all i wanted to write! i heard darcy's line at the end of tbote and i was like. woah i can do something cool with that. however i just.... kept writing. this means each installment is much more cohesive than my usual multichapters i'd published before, since i try to write them all at once before posting!

so it all started with good old vivisectianne. i wanted a bit of a callback to tc&tk with some of the first scenes:

this place, right here, where it took apart marcy's phone, is where it then takes apart anne! why did i say that so cheerfully–

ok heres an actual funny fact

this exchange originally consisted of something like this:

"...you may call us darcy."

"that's cringe."

"YOURE CRINGE!" (immediately stabs anne)

i didnt even rewrite it until i'd finished the entire fic and was rereading it for editing! it just. no longer fit the overall tone whatsoever.

ok chapter 2 comments:

dont have a lot of comments here. basically, when i decided on the length/format i wanted the fic to be (4 chapters each), i chose to have each of the first three chapters be from a different point of view, with the last being sort of a "finale." so here we switch to sasha pov!

And once she does, the robot can do nothing to prevent her from sending a punch into its eye that leaves it sparking on the ground, and Sasha wipes the blood the shattered glass has left on her fist away on her bottom hem of her tunic, and runs through the door.

^ decided to try my hand at foreshadowing stuff for once lmao, since very soon sasha will lose her eye to darcy. the actual eye loss happens offscreen between chapter 2 and 3 but this clues a careful reader in on what may be to come.

this fic was written shortly after the all in promo, so the fight between darcy and sasha is inspired by the theories revolving around that!

when sasha mentions that "olivia told [her] what it did to [marcy]," this is bc i wanted to make sure that sasha knew the basics of what had actually happened to marcy. since they were imprisoned together for a brief time during the events of the first chapter while anne was having a bad time, olivia did a bit more explanation than whatever the heck her warnings in tbote were.

ohohoho time to talk abt one of my favorite chapters... chapter 3 of icduysg!!!

people who have caught on to the pov switching would likely guess that this chapter was marcy pov. however i wanted to write the opening scene to be ambiguous for anyone else, so that the reveal sort of . comes slowly.

She wakes up on the floor of the basement with a stabbing pain in her heart. Or what’s left of it, after everything. She can’t see, she can’t—she scrabbles at her head, fingers glancing off glossy metal, and throws the object covering her face to the ground with a clank. Her hands are covered in blood. There’s a flame-edged scythe on the floor beside her, and Frog she hates that fiery blade because it’s too familiar to one she knows all too well.

the first lines could be a giveaway, but everything that comes afterward makes it more and more clear whose pov this is supposed to be.

“Please, Marcy! I—I forgive you. For everything.” And yet her words hit her like a sword to the back. And she remembers. Fire and pain and blood and dying and waking up and almost safe and claws on her scalp that tear into skin and cold metal restraints and the helmet’s slow descent and pain and screaming and screaming and screaming and orange and lightning and loneliness and darkness and the Core and—

of course i had to take the cheesy way. why not? "i forgive you for everything" / "thank you for everything" stab ME in the chest when i hear them too! rlly loved using the simile there bc it has greater meaning with marcy yknow. the way the return of memories is written in this fic, as seen also in the next chapter, is inspired by some of  nosferatank's incredible prose!

a close reader will notice that something is wrong with marcy as soon as she can't move her arms to hug sasha: she's losing control again throughout this scene. and then, though it isn't explicitly stated, sasha sees something wrong with marcy's eyes. it's marcy pov, she wouldnt be able to look in her own eyes and know that they're orange. the reason marcy remains lucid throughout it regaining control here is that the helmet is gone: i believe this is discussed in the sequel, i'll go through that when i get to it in here lol.

The invasion goes smoothly, she’s told the next time she wakes up. She doesn’t ask how it went, only knows that the castle is back in Amphibia, and that Darcy has pulled her from the tank at last, and that her world has been thoroughly conquered. It’s been about a month since they tried to rescue Marcy, apparently. A month since it took Anne apart to see how her powers worked, callous to her screams of agony.

we start out the finale chapter with a timeskip and another ambiguous pov. it's anne this time, at least at the beginning of the chapter.

and we get the next example of that style of implementing rushing memories:

Pain and screaming and blood hot on lips and pleading-desperate for this to end and flaming heat and obsidian-sharp agony and—

the basment scene with marcy waiting for anne and sasha to go through with their plan is one of my favorites. had a lot of fun with the usage of light:

Light does return, in the form of a streak of yellow light painted against the black.

andrias extends his sword in the darkness of the basement. marcy, of course, is terrified.

this fic by @skibs-scribbles is an influence throughout the last section of the finale of this fic and the tone of the entire sequel! one of my faves.

last note on this fic:

But on the nights when they get to be together, even for a few hours, they sleep in each other's arms, and let the nightmares and tears and phantom screams run through. And then they stare out at the smog-blotted stars over a world that once seemed so bright, like the kids they were before this world broke them.

this is just one of my favorite lines from the fic, im super proud of it. suits being the last line of the fic.

on to sdlgwyd!

as a marcangst lover, i chose to make this entire fic be from marcy's point of view, as she seemed the most interesting character to follow in the au. her guilt, even more intense here than in canon, seemed like an interesting place to pull from, not to mention that she's my favorite character.

a lot of this fic ends up being an allegory for self-harm, given that not only are there themes of it throughout, but the core's methods of torture very much resemble common forms of self harm.

most of the first chapter is just intended to set up the rest of the fic. this means it's establishing how the core and marcy function, the situation anne and sasha are in, etc.

one thing i think it's funny to point out, given that i wrote this before all in:

Sasha jokes, once, early on, when they still think that this may be a temporary arrangement to buy them enough time for an escape, that they now match: the deep, slicing burn on her own chest; the gnarled line of scar tissue mirrored on Marcy’s front and back[.]

look how close i got to manifesting canon! if sasha had been facing away from darcy during that scene in the last fic i wouldve straight up predicted that wild bit in all in lmao.

She deserves it. The Core agrees. And she’s not sure which of them started that line of thought anymore.

this line was surprisingly hard to word right, but i liked what i ended up with. this becomes important throughout the fic: does marcy actually think she deserves this pain, is the core only telling her that, or is it true?

when marcy goes to visit olivia and yunan in the dungeons, we get this line:

She stops in front of where it should be. The cell is drowned in thick shadows, draped over the stone like swaths of gauzy black cloth. 

the "swaths of gauzy black cloth" simile is very much intended to give a sort of funeral, mourning, etc. vibe. it seemed fitting, giving how they've likely been crying over marcy all this time.

She pauses for a glance down at the carbon-fiber bracers she knows are in place around her forearms, covering from palm to elbow in dark, dull-metallic, charcoal-gray, covering the scars that lie there. They can assume it’s only using the chair, the very place where they saw such horrible things happen to her, once again, for all she cares. They don’t need to know what happens when it picks up a glinting blade, the same one it’s used to make the changes it deems necessary for her body so long as it’s shared with a computed mind. 

this is one of the most prominent examples of the overarching allegorical theme of this fic. marcy hides the damage the core has done to her using her own hands. for whatever reason, she doesnt want them to know how it's actually been hurting her.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Is that all she can say anymore? Only those words that dribbled from her lips along with a shower of blood the night she was so violently killed, left to bleed to death with a smoking wound? Will she ever find another way to justify the fact that she’s still alive, ask for forgiveness for her existence, the pain she’s caused?

wanna point out this passage not just bc im absolutely obsessed with how i wrote it but bc. marcy girl. you need help. her mental state is in shambles bc of the suffering the core has caused.

when marcy gets back to the trio's chambers, she overhears anne and sasha discussing plans to escape. the core is not happy about this.

not only is this a pretty deep look into marcy's thoughts, theres another reference to a separate fic! during the "escape lies..." passage, there's this section:

Escape awaits off the edge of the protruding form of that ancient weapon from the top of the highest level of this castle, jutting into the void, high enough, even with the castle resting on the ground. High enough, though she won’t test it, she tells herself (the Core wouldn’t let her die anyway, she knows. It would stop her, or catch her, or do whatever it takes to repair her, bring her to life again, no matter how broken she becomes).

this is a bit of a shoutout to a plot point in beauty and the beasts by @your-local-hurt-comfort-junkie-1, another fic i adore. i wont spoil the exact thing, but if youve read that fic, you likely know what i mean.

another shoutout in this scene is "'We can’t leave.' Her words are not entirely her own." this is of course a reference to awakening by oh geeez: "lately my head's on fire and my voice is not my own..."

the next chapter contains yet another fic shoutout:

this passage is a reference to this evil thing that @maldito-arbol did in the wjh series lmao.

and then of course, inevitably:

And that subconscious wish has been granted. It’s her skin filled with gashes once again, worse than it’s ever drawn them before, her own blood splattering her face as the Core digs deeper and deeper.

...she gets that wish granted.

Not even Olivia and Yunan can help anymore, their words falling upon dulled ears and their touch upon numb skin, like she’ll never perceive the world as brightly as she once did ever again.

core bestie. you need to stop. your host is gonna break if you kepe this up.

the finale chapter of this fic is fun!

we start out with a confusing dive into a scene without context, set up to match marcy's confusion here. eventually, you can figure out what happened: marcy was knocked out by sasha and anne so that they could deal with the core.

after they succeed in their plan, they head off to kill andrias.

“I wanna kill him.” Her voice has a coldness Anne’s never heard from her. And it trembles, because she knows there was a time Andrias truly cared for her. But he’s gone too long letting the Core torment her, pretending he’s blind to the torture.

guess how much i listened to hayloft ii while writing this chapter lol. yeah it was a lot. the emphasis on "her" is of course to clarify that the core has used her voice to speak like this to anne: that's what it did back in the first chapter of icduysg.

By now, Marcy has recovered from the removal of the Core’s data enough to stand, albeit shakily, and most likely soon won’t be able to at all, after the exoskeleton finally gives out when the background functions programmed into her brain stop running.

marcy doesnt have time to confront this right now, but itll come up in the third installment! without the core powering her exoskeleton, she won't be able to walk on her own before long.

a couple scenes in this chapter are inspired by pieces of art i couldnt stop thinking about. here's the first one:

It feels heavy in her hands. She’s never held this before, only a smaller version, crafted for the Core to use in her own grasp. This is the weapon that killed her. This is the weapon that will kill her murderer. 

and the art:

the dialogue in this scene is somewhat inspired by anne's speech in all in: this was written after the finale episodes aired. meanwhile, i tried to emphasize marcy's frazzled mental state through her own dialogue. for example:

she's just not doing so well rn. havent watched arcane since last year but the vibes of this might have jinx killing silco energy??

and then andrias's actual death scene is very likely an obvious reference:

yep, direct shout-out to true colors. marcy's "you brought this upon yourself" is meant to parallel "now look what you've made me do," while "i'm truly sorry for what i did to you" lines up with "i'm sorry for everything."

anne and sasha assisting in holding the sword while marcy stabs andrias is inspired by the other art i mentioned:

and finally the fic ends on a hopeful note that's been missing since the very beginning. i really wanted this to have the same sort of distinctly soft and gentle ending seen often at the end of some epic story, when things return to a status quo. similar tone to the end of adventure time, before the island song montage, or something. a sense of saying goodbye. there's an important detail mentioned in the last section of this fic, but i wont point it out bc it spoils some of the vaugely planned plot points for the next fic in the series!

hope you enjoyed this very deep dive in to the au, this took so long to write lmao.

[spyrkle4]

owl house and amphibia destroyed me this week rip Sparks

and im gonna talk about them

so uh first owl house

(spoilers under cut u know the drill)

-THE DREAM SEQUENCE.... SO CUTE ;-;

-King just wants both his families together ;-;

-The flashback sequence Luz is not Okay

-Also she feels so bad for contributing its not ur fault Luz bby ;-;

-HOOTY AND KING GIVE BEST HUGS

-COOL AUNT LILLITH TO THE RESCUE

-I made a post about this but how dare they have Eda cry worrying abt her kids that is the face of a worried mother and i am hit emotionally in the gut just LET THEM BE OKAY

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE DAY OF UNITY IS IN A WEEK. HELLO?!

-King finally got his letter

Me before this ep: Im mad at Hooty for eating the letter 

Me after this ep: actually Hooty was right to eat it

-hhhh family feels with the pirate

-huh i guess if there were more than 1 titan then there’d be more than one isle

-i wanna know how that portal works

-but wow titan hunters??? cool

-until the twist of the ep 

-When I heard the leader is named “Bill” I totally thought of the satan dorito from Gravity Falls... im not the only one right???

-KING IS A TITAN?!?!?! WH?!

-HE JUST WANTS TO PLAY CATCH I AM SOBBING

-Oh god if King is a titan the owl house might wanna expand bc he is going to end up very tall

-Wait if King is a titan WTF happened to his dad?!

-Also if the Collector kills titans does that mean it was trapped by a titan I NEED ANSWERS

-ALSO THAT ENDING WTF I AM AFRAID

---

Okay now for frog show

-Three armies was good but WHO GAVE POLLY WEAPONS?!

-Also am sad bc look what Andrias did... he made the three races of amphibia hate each other its just... sad... very sad...

-that bit where Anne was a known meditator back home was SO cute, Anne really out here using the power of friendship

-The team building exercises I liked the knot part where Sasha’s group did super well it was wholesome

-AND THEN ANNE GOING SUPER SAIYAN ON THE GROUPS FOR FIGHTING LMAOOOO

-The message being that “they cant forget the past but they could work together to build a better future” is great

-MOTHER OLM COMING IN TO DELIVER THE LATEST NEWS AHAHAH

-the second ep destroyed me from beginning to end that flashback start???

-Marcy feels... so many mf-ing marcy feels

-I did not expect Sasha to bring up the whole “Marcy was the one who brought them to Amphibia thing” but ig it’d be weird if they rugswept it, and her not even sure if they can repair their friendship???

-i hate it here

-Grime doing a battle playlist so cute

-he’s just vibing and i love the implications that Sasha shares her phone w/ her toad dad

-The part where Anne tells Sasha that forgiveness is hard but its worth it ALL THE FEELS. ig it shows that while their friendship isnt the same anymore that doesnt mean things cant be okay, I mean Anne and Sasha were besties the second half of the season

-OLIVIA  AND YUNANA HOLY COW

-oh they’re mind controlled should’ve seen this coming

-THAT DANCE BATTLE PART WAS GLORIOUS

-Oh no

-Oh no Darcy

-Oh no them doing that “you weren’t a good friend ever” to Sasha how dare u 

-Also ANDRIAS IN THIS EP

-THE PART WHERE HE ENTERS THE FIGHT

-AND THE BIT WHERE THEY LOST THAT IS SO SAD WTF

-im so glad Anne managed to buy some time that is some quick thinking.

-The “Shut up Andrias” with Darcy hahahah

-OH NO EARTH LOOK OUT OH NOES

-PLEASE TELL ME ANNE’S PARENTS ARE OKAY

-THAT CREDITS SCENE FUCKING BROKE ME OKAY?! THE PIANO MUSIC AT THE END WAS WHAT GOT ME AND NOW I AM IN TEARS AND I AM GOING TO EAT COOKIES AND LOOK AT MEMES TO TRY AND COPE WITH THESE EPISODES BC GOD THEY BROKE ME

[happi-tree]

marcanne for the ship ask!!

also i just wanna add i love how you refer to everyone as lovebirds like it akes me all warm and gooey inside djhsdkjfd im rambling okay byeee

!!! Hi, Elle!!! Hope you're having a good day, lovebird 💙💙💙

Okay so. I have many many Thoughts abt them

When I started shipping them: I got into the show pretty late comparatively speaking, so I basically went from "Marcy at the Gates" to "True Colors" in a matter of days. And though season 3 had already started airing at this point, I decided to wait a bit bc. Well. *Gestures at all of tc* yknow. But! During that break, I decided to check out ao3 and wound up reading a little fic called "Don't Drink Unlabeled Potions", followed closely by another one called "Stranded." Idk, maybe you've heard of them? But yeah. I was immediately sold as soon as I started reading haha!

My thoughts: Their dynamic is just. So much!!! I love a good childhood friends-to-lovers trope and their relationship with each other just seems so real and well done??? Like, they're just two kids who get to goof off together but they're also some of the most important people in each others' lives and they have such a desperation to stay together, to not lose the other, and! *Dissolves into tears* While their relationship definitely isn't perfect and they're both very flawed characters (both in terms of their identities separately and also in terms of their interactions with each other), I really do think they can turn it around and work on it! Just gotta work on those communication issues, kiddos.

What makes me happy about them: Their little nicknames for each other, the way they casually hold hands and poke each other all the time, the way they try to protect each other, the way that they can be really silly together <3

What makes me sad about them: God. God where to begin. Marcy thinking that Anne will never forgive her for what she's done to them and that she genuinely hates her - so much to the point that it is Marcy's literal worst nightmare in her last moments of consciousness. Anne trying her absolute hardest not to think about Marcy at all, stubbornly saying that she's sure Marcy is okay when all the signs point to her being dead. Marcy wanting Anne (and Sasha) to be with her forever so much that she decided to literally give up her world - all of their worlds - so that they'd stay, and it only ended up driving them further apart. Anne confessing to Marcy that she doesn't want to lose her again, and Marcy responding with a promise that she breaks at no fault of her own. I am soooo normal about them </3

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Marcy is not the only flawed character in this relationship! Anne has flaws and nuance to her, too! She's not "too good" for Marcy because they are both just kids with a lot of problems and communication issues!!! It's honestly kind of rare (at least in what I've encountered) for me to find a work with the above concept of their dynamic, but when I do find one??? I simply exit the tab :)

Things I look for in fanfic: Hurt/comfort babeyyyyy!!! I love reading people's takes on them post-canon. And the little "what-if" scenarios of Anne breaking through to Marcy while fighting the Core are also very, very tasty! I am truly not picky, though - canon, au, and anything in between works for me!

My wishlist: For both of them to get the biggest, warmest hug of their lives in s3b. Also to get therapy bc good lord do they need it </3

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Sasha Waybright is Right There for both of them, obvi. Sashannarcy and any of its forms goated (real)!

My happily ever after for them: Happy and healing and together (possibly long-distance), whether as friends or as gfs! More healthy communication, aired grievances, working things out in a healthy manner, paying attention to each other, etc (also Sasha is there, too, ideally, because you can't separate the trio)!

[augustinewrites]

augustine beloved im LATE but anyway:

most memorable scene would be the whole suna piece when they were struggling to conceive suna suki :( i will literally never shut up about this fic i remember distinctly sobbing in my bed when i first read it and having tears in my eyes everytime i reread it T^T cant remember the specific lines but i can remember all of suna's frustration and reader's desperation and my heart aches every time

and also the osamu comfort fic that came right before it always has me!!!!!! the way he was so insecure about not being able to take you to a resort like atsumu did for his s/o, and being so upset that read had to be there with him doing manual labour to get his shop up and running :(

these are neither lines nor scenes LMAO MY BAD BUT YEAH

you picked two of my favourite fics ann :’)

idk why i keep writing angst for suna but it just? hurts so good??? bcs it’s suna rintaro who would never dream of being stressed over things like this, but wants to give everything to you anyway :( he just cares so deeply and when he finally has his little daughter??? he just cherishes her so much

omg 13:25?? when ari made me listen to free love i couldnt not think of osamu. osamu who hasn’t realized that as much as he wants to make you happy, you want to do the same for him. who sometimes needs to be reminded of just how much you love him 😭

anyway thank u so much for sending this YOU ALWAYS MAKE MY DAH MWAH ❤️

[petruchio]

i LOVE ur hunger games opinions - it's my favorite series I always go back to!! I was wondering if you had any other book recommendations

omg!!! angel!!

in terms of young adult recs, i don’t read a huge amount of new ya so these are probably pretty basic, but the ones i would recommend are:

gregor the overlander!!! suzanne collins’ other series, its a little more ~classic ya~ than ya dystopia of the hunger games but still just. so well written bc its the queen suzanne

the entire anne of green gables series <3 literally gilbert and peeta are the two ya love interests that i have been obsessed with my entire life and the books are actually SO good!! there’s a lot i could say about them too like the messages and themes are really quite intelligent and they get written off as just “children’s lit” but they’re truly SO good, even the later ones in the series!!

i’ll recommend six of crows and, i suppose, the original grisha trilogy if you feel like tearing your hair out. ive written a bit about my mixed feelings for that series on my blog but like. the world building is GREAT but the original trilogy just has a few moments that are so deeply frustrating. but its good

howl’s moving castle the book!!!! so iconic, so different from the movie but just also SO good... dianna wynne jones my beloved

this summer id like to reread the golden compass if i have time! i havent read the books since i was a literal child and i remember nothing about them except that they were good but i want to reread it so i can watch the show hehe

i also read last summer a book called why we broke up by daniel handler and i thought it was beautiful and really poignant. it also has amazing illustrations and the story i thought was really well done

i also loved the ingo series as a kid!!!! yes its like. mermaids but also its really well written lol

a few books that aren’t ya:

homegoing by yaa gyasi

there, there by tommy orange

it is my personal (and insanely pretentious) belief that everyone should read les miserables but. thats just because im insane. but i do genuinely love that book 

also the entire jane austen catalogue with special attention to emma <3

normal people because like. yeah (that might be ya actually not sure how to categorize it but. amazing book)

recently i read the plague of doves by louise erdrich and really loved it!! im hoping to read more of her work but she’s an amazing author

i’m also a big fan of modern retellings of stories, last year i read a retelling of pride and prejudice called eligible by curtis sittenfeld that i very much enjoyed

outside of that i also love to read really shitty romance fiction and hyper specific historical non-fiction because i read so many impossible and insanely difficult books for my degree and i just can’t recommend any of those in good faith haha... once i graduate ill honestly probably have better book recs because right now i read so many books i DONT enjoy and write 15 pages essays on why i think they suck... but those are just a few of my favorites!!!!! 

[kodzukyan]

Hi mandy!! so i just reread one of your kenma pieces and it had me feeling too many things so i am here after screaming in the tags (you can probably figure me out from this oops but i am too shy to dm you directly asdkfjdsk SORRY) bUT i just wanted to say i absolutely love the way you write??? Its so incredible and im so shookt i hope you saw my tags cuz im officially out of words to describe how beautiful your writing is and i just wanna thank you for sharing all these masterpieces with us cuz its honestly so comforting to read even when im not even hurting in the way you write your ocs to be hurting (and even then i can feel??? their pain cuz thats just how good you are at protraying all these feelings in your work)

Also if you noticed theres someone who keeps unliking and liking your masterlist that would be me askdjsfk IM SO SORRY but ive been meaning to read the rest of your works but uni has been kicking my ass but i dont want it to get buried under my other likes so i do that to make sure it stays at the top askjskdj 😭 but if it annoys you ill stop im so sorry sdfkjsdh. I really cant wait to reading the rest of your soulmate aus but i wanna read them when my readings and tutorials are not staring threateningly at me from out of the corner of my eye so that i can appreciate them and scream about them appropriately without feeling impending doom from procrastinating on my schoolwork hELP HAHAHAH

Anyways sorry for the long message thank you for everything and i hope you drink lots of water and get lots of sleep :> hope you stay safe and have a good day/night!! ❤️ ~ann :>

ANN STOP IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY 😭😭😭 this is so sweet and i am vvv overwhelmed (in like a good way) bc i'm just literally 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 rn ?!!?!?!?? like i have no words but i just... i just feel like this is one the biggest compliments i can ever get and 🥺 just thank you (sorry i'm not v eloquent w my words LMFAO). pls do know i reread your tags like 38482929x bc they make me so soft and i get so much serotonin from them T^T

thank you for reading (+ liking) my brainrots and my emo hour pieces HAHAHA. (not you calling them masterpieces i'm going to SCREAM!!!!!) i'm literally just emo all the time and i just want my anime bfs to pat me on the head and tell me it's okay and i hope that translates well T___T and pls my soulmates aus... LMAO i barely update them (pls... i have ideas beyond my writing ability level send help lskskcnwudhsb) so please take your time!!! LOL.

and i don't mind at all!! pls dont apologize omg!!! i hope uni is treating you well && please take care of yourself first and foremost! (AND I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING LMFAO i cri as my exam materials is staring at me like 👁👄👁 while i'm bumming on tumblr fjskkakakak) i am sending you much love (+ motivation)!!!! get that bread bby!!!! but also please remember to stay hydrated (drink water so you can replenish those tears !!!!!) and well-rested (bc sleep is part of the fight too!) 🥺💖

thank you for the lovely message + thank you for being so sweet T____T i truly appreciate you & i hope you have a day as kind to you as you are to the world! ily mwah!

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5

[singlethread]

you totally don’t have to do it, but every even number for the ask prompt?

You are chaotic but i have nothing better to do

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Apple Music actually

is your room messy or clean? Clean

what color are your eyes? Blue

do you like your name? why? Yes because I like how it sounds

what is your relationship status? So fucking single

describe your personality in 3 words or less.  Loud if I know you, passionate, and caring

what color hair do you have? Dark purplish red like merlot

what kind of car do you drive? color?  A black denali envoy

where do you shop? Online right now, but normally my local thrift stores

how would you describe your style? I like mixing hard with soft, I ever tend to dress in blacks or pastels both mixed with whites. Also I will always be wearing weird dangly earrings

favorite social media account. Tumblr

what size bed do you have? Full

any siblings? 2

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Just like in the forest in Norway, it just looks pretty and peaceful

favorite snapchat filter?  I don't use snap

favorite makeup brand(s).  I like Stilla’s eyeliner and also anastasia’s eyeshadow and highlighters

how many times a week do you shower?  every other day bc I’m not going anywhere, but I only wash my hair once a week

favorite tv show? I watch too much to pick, I’m currently rewatching Teen wolf so I’ll say that one

shoe size? 9.5 or 10

how tall are you?  5′11

sandals or sneakers? I like both equally, but in the summer I mostly wear sandals

do you go to the gym? no

describe your dream date. Picnic in a park where we end it stargazing

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? like 12 dollars

what color socks are you wearing? none

how many pillows do you sleep with? three

do you have a job? what do you do? not currently with school, I just pet sit during the school year for money

how many friends do you have?  irl probably like 12?

whats the worst thing you have ever done? gosh idk, I had a really big problem with stealing when I was little, and I was apparently good at it because when we got home from a trip to Canada when I was five my mom found like 20 things I had stolen from different gift shops skdfjkdsjfjsk

whats your favorite candle scent? Coffee anything

3 favorite boy names. (boy and girl names are a social construct so I'm just gonna do six of my favorite names) andrew, percy, oliver, anastasia, taylor, rosalina

3 favorite girl names, see above

favorite actor? I don't have one but David Tennant is good

favorite actress? Anne Hathaway

who is your celebrity crush? Halsey

favorite movie? my fave comfort movie is the princess diaries 2

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? yes, but I haven't had the time lately, and the martian by andy weir

money or brains?  brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? Lia or Emmie are my most used

how many times have you been to the hospital? uhhhhh at least 7?

top 10 favorite songs.  Im doing taylor songs: peace, daylight, idsb, komh, safe and sound, treacherous, I know places, haunted, my tears ricochet, and the lakes

do you take any medications daily? Wal-phed

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) dryyyy

what is your biggest fear? I wont have mattered to anyone

how many kids do you want? 3

whats your go to hair style?  down with my natural curls

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc), like a 1500sq ft home with a wrap-around porch

who is your role model? My college advisor

what was the last compliment you received?  “your ass looks great in those pants” from my best friend

what was the last text you sent? “yessss”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? like 8

what is your dream car? honestly l love the car I have

opinion on smoking? cigarette: no, weed: I would if it was legal

do you go to college?  yes

what is your dream job? Small animal vet

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no

do you have freckles? a million

do you smile for pictures? yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 15,230

have you ever peed in the woods? yes

do you still watch cartoons? yes

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? Wendys

Favorite dipping sauce? Ranch

what do you wear to bed? shirt or nothing

have you ever won a spelling bee? no

what are your hobbies? painting, playing video games, reading, and doing puzzles

can you draw? yes

do you play an instrument? yes, 2 mediocrely and cello really well 

what was the last concert you saw? the 1975 on dec 13th

tea or coffee? coffee

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks

do you want to get married? Yes

what is your crush’s first and last initial? J.D.

are you going to change your last name when you get married? yes

what color looks best on you? I like blues on me

do you miss anyone right now? yes

do you sleep with your door open or closed? open bc cat

do you believe in ghosts? yes

what is your biggest pet peeve? toothpaste dried up in the sink

last person you called` my mom

favorite ice cream flavor? coffee or chocolate chip cookie dough

regular oreos or golden oreos? i hate oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? chocolate

what shirt are you wearing? dbatc shirt

what is your phone background? A painting I did of Taylor

are you outgoing or shy? shy

do you like it when people play with your hair? only if I really like that person

do you like your neighbors? no

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes and in the morning

have you ever been high? no

have you ever been drunk? yes

last thing you ate? grilled cheese

favorite lyrics right now I want auroras and sad prose, I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet, 'Cause I haven't moved in years, And I want you right here

summer or winter? Summer

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? dark

favorite month? May

what is your zodiac sign aquarius

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom