#bawled cried inconsolable

[qwakque]

sunset savannah event is killing me rn tbh

[loveydive]

guys,,,, i cried like three times throughout the whole ep

[ragingbookdragon]

He’s in the middle of the checkout line when the phone in his pocket buzzes. He ignores it at first, but a glance towards the fifteen year old employee lazily scanning the items of the first of five in line, him being the sixth, tells him it won’t be any time soon before he’s there. He checks his phone, eyes widening when he sees, “SOS” written across the screen. And from Price’s wife no doubt. Three jars of pickles shatter on the floor along with a bag of chips and a pack of ground beef, and he sprints for the exit, car keys already in his hand as he prays nothing is wrong with her.

It’s about twenty minutes before he gets to Price’s flat and pulls into the driveway, already scanning for any signs of struggle or attack. There are none visible so far and he grabs the glock he has in the glove compartment for emergencies before he gets out and runs for the door, banging on it. Footsteps sound behind it followed by a baby’s cry and the door pulls open to reveal Price’s dearest wife, disheveled in dirty clothes and tangled hair (he’s like eighty-seven percent sure there’s baby vomit in it), with swelling tears in her own eyes as she holds a screaming eighteen-month-old.

She takes one look at him before breaking down much like her son, blubbering loudly, “I can’t get JJ to stop crying, Simon.” Tears are streaming down her face as she cries, “I’ve tried everything to get him to stop. I’ve tried feeding, burping, napping, changing his diaper, everything. He just won’t stop.” She reaches out with her free hand to him. “Simon, please, I can’t stop him from crying. Help me.”

SOS, indeed, he thinks and immediately puts the safety on his gun, putting it on the side table as he steps inside, takes the baby, and closes the door behind him. JJ stops crying as soon as Simon starts hushing him and muttering, “Giving your mum trouble, ay? What are we gonna do about you, Banshee?”

JJ’s cries subside as he coos at the masked man and she starts crying harder. “How’d you do that?” she bawls. “Oh God, I’m a horrible mum. I can’t stop him from crying ever. Only Jonathan can. He never cries when Jonathan is here. Only when I’m with him.” she’s almost inconsolable, rubbing harshly at her eyes as she blubbers, “He hates me. My babe hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Simon sighs and gently takes her in his free arm, putting his chin on her head to calm her more; he rubs her back. “It’s okay, mum” he murmurs. “Newborns aren’t easy. Gotta take it in stride.” He looks at her. “Why didn’t you call Price?”

“Because he’s so busy,” she cries into his black sweatshirt. “He’s so good with him when he’s home and I know when he goes into work, he’s busy and I don’t wanna disturb him.”

“He’s JJ’s dad. Besides, don’t lump the old man in with other men. He’s a good one.” Simon pulls back, free hand wiping her tears. “I’ve gotta treat you like Soap, don’t I?” she only looks at him as his fingers brush her under eyes. “Go eat and shower. I’ll take care of JJ for you.”

She quietly nods, lips pulled in a upside down “U” before she leaves, disappearing into the kitchen. He starts bouncing JJ lightly, talking to him. “Bub, you gotta stop being a banshee to your mum. You’re gonna drive her crazy. And if you drive her crazy, your dad is gonna go crazy and then I’m gonna go crazy.” JJ just laughs and tugs at the strings of his sweatshirt before seeing if they’re edible.

Simon walks to the kitchen and watches as she stands in front of the refrigerator and shoves food into her mouth. He almost laughs, almost, as the memory of a drunk Soap shoving roast beef out of the pack and into his mouth comes to mind. Still though, he watches as she eats until she’s no longer hungry, then bypasses him and goes to her bedroom. The shower starts after a while. It’s almost two hours before she comes out and peeks her head from the doorway.

Simon is there with JJ, playing with a stuffed action figure Gaz had gotten him when he was born, making up stories about himself taking out enemies. JJ is enjoying it, giggling along and she smiles sadly before closing the door.

***

Price gets home around seven-thirty and when he sees Ghost’s car in his drive, he’s confused and a little concerned as he walks through the front door. Setting his things down, he walks around the corner into the den and Simon is there on his couch watching some show about ancient warriors and weapons, JJ drooling onto his sweatshirt.

“Simon?” he calls, and the man lifts the remote in a greeting. “Where’s—”

“Bed. Asleep,” he interrupts. “Been asleep since two.”

Price walks into the bedroom and sees her curled up on his side of the bed, clutching his pillow; he smiles at the sight and closes the door, walking back into the den. “How long have you been here, Simon?”

“Since eleven-forty-five.” He rubs JJ’s back. “Little guy’s been driving her crazy. Crying on her.”

“Shite,” Price curses. “She kept saying everything was fine.”

“Oh no, she’s lying. Thinks she’s a bad mum ‘cause he cries so much with her.” He looks over. “I think he just likes us soldiers, yeah?”

The old man sits beside down on the floor and gently runs a hand through the brown hair on his son’s head. “Yeah, never cries when I take him in.”

“You want me to take him for a few days so she can rest?” Simon offers. “Me and the Banshee will have a good time.”

“I don’t think she’d mind that. Well, she might. She’s awfully protective of the lad.”

“Of course. It’s her babe.” Simon inhales and exhales. “Give me a blanket, yeah? May as well stay the night.” Price nods and rises, handing him a blanket before reaching for JJ and Simon swats at him. “Hands off my godson.”

“He’s my kid,” Price argues and Simon glares at him.

“And I’m holding him. Try tomorrow if you can pry him from me.”

Price rolls his eyes but raises his hands in defeat, content to kiss JJ’s head and, “I love you, son,” before he squeezes Simon’s arm and disappears into the bedroom to cuddle his wife and sleep peacefully.

[boltupbitches]

My Daughter Thinks I'm Ugly - Justin Herbert

Part 4 of the Layla Herbert series

Part 1 - One Day at a Time

Part 2 - Today's the Day

Part 3 - Cheer's To Us

Justin sighed as he walked into his house, carefully lugging his bag with one hand while he juggled his water bottle and phone in the other. He could imagine Alex’s reaction if she saw him carrying his bag on the side of his body where his injured hand was.

He sat his bag in the foyer on the bench next to the closet. He walked into the kitchen and sighed as his stomach growled. He should have eaten before leaving the facility, but he wanted to get home in time to surprise Alex and Layla, who were at a doctor’s appointment.

He wanted to attend, but after his panic over Layla’s last set of vaccines (she bawled - he got mad at the nurse irrationally for it), Alex decided to book her next appointment during a training day he couldn’t get out of since he had a rehab appointment and post-op with the team’s head doctor. He decided to stick around to watch practice for the upcoming Chiefs game - the last game of the season. It was bittersweet. 

Just as he pulled out the leftover grilled chicken he helped Alex make last night, he heard her car pull up. He quickly popped the lid off the container and put it in the microwave. When he made it to the front door he saw the door open. A surprised Alex was staring back at him with Layla’s car seat in one hand and her diaper bag in the other.

“When did you get home?” Alex asked in surprise, handing the car seat with a sleeping Layla in it over to an eager Justin.

“About 20 minutes ago. I wanted to get home early so I finished my stuff up at the facility as fast as I could.” He cooed at his sleeping daughter. “She do ok?” He moved out of  Alex’s way, following her into the living room where Alex sat her stuff down and plopped on the couch.

“She did,” Alex confirmed with a sigh. “Well, I mean, she cried again like last time. The second we got into the room, she was inconsolable. Thankfully I took her ducky with her so she was relaxed as soon as I gave it to her. That is… until the doctor had to check her ears to make sure the infection was gone.. She started to cry again.”

“Was she too rough maybe?” He asked with alarm.

Alex gave him a deadpan stare, still amazed at how irrational her boyfriend was over their daughter. This was a man who had medical professionals in his family and had considered the same profession as an alternative to pro football. “She was perfectly fine. Just cranky and tired. She didn’t take her nap before the appointment so she was already not in the mood going in.”

Justin nodded as he looked at his peacefully sleeping daughter. She was just a little over 2 months old and would be 3 months old on January 16th. He couldn’t believe how big she was getting - it was as if the last 2.5 months flashed by in an instant.

She could recognize her loved ones, smile, babble, and laugh among other things. She’d give him a squinty smile, something everyone loved to point out came from him. His heart fluttered with happiness every time he saw her flash him a gummy smile and laughter. Even when she was grabbing fistfuls of his hair and trying to gnaw on his nose when he gave her kisses.

Speaking of hair… he still had his baseball cap on from his haircut earlier this morning. His teammates and team staff were shocked at the cut. Alex and Layla had no idea about it. He knew he was about to shock his tired girlfriend.

“So… I don’t know if you noticed... But I got a haircut today.” Justin said shyly, peaking at Alex’s alarmed look.

She stared at him, taking in his ballcap that was hiding whatever he got done underneath. She could see some hair but not his usual long locks. She assumed he probably pulled his hair back in a bun or something as a new style. She was so tired she didn’t realize the possibility that he cut his hair.

“Please tell me it’s not a buzz like last time.” She said lowly, her eyes inspecting his cap as if it held the world’s biggest mystery.

“God no,” He said in disgust, almost offended she thought he’d consider that ever again. He learned his lesson and went to an actual professional this time. 

He sighed and lifted the cap off his head, showing Alex the shortcut he got done.

She stared in surprise at it, “Well… it’s much better than I imagined. Although you look a lot like a slightly older version of freshman you that your mom showed me.” She teased and then laughed at his unimpressed look. “You look very handsome.” She said softly, smiling at him.

“I didn’t know if you’d like it.” He admitted, a blush taking over his cheeks. “I know it’s different, but it’s almost off-season for me and I wanted something a little different just for a bit. At least until I grow it out over the summer.” He ran his hand throw the shortened locks at the top, causing a little curl to drop down against his forehead.

Alex squirmed as she felt herself heat up at the thought of rubbing her hands through his hair. Now wasn’t the time - not with her sleeping daughter just a foot away from them in her car seat. 

Justin smirked when he realized what she just did, “Well, we’ll see how much length you’ll have to pull on tonight.”

“Stop..” Alex whined as she pressed a pillow against her face. “Don’t get me started.”

“I’m not, I’m not.” Justin laughed. “I’ll stop. I promise.” He promised in his head he’ll get her going tonight once Layla was in bed.

Speaking of Layla, she picked the perfect time to announce her waking by making a loud “ahhhhhhhh” sound.

“She knows you’re here,” Alex chuckled at her daughter, who was very obviously a daddy’s girl. 

“Ahhhh!” she squealed again, her hands moving around as she searched for her parents.

Justin got into her view and reached in to get her out of her car seat, reaching up to smooth down the puff of brown hair on her head. “Hi, baby girl.” He cooed with a huge smile as he stared at his daughter with complete and utter adoration.

Layla stared back in confusion, a very clear “Who the fuck are you?” look on her face as she stared back at her dad. 

Alex pulled her phone out and silently recorded the interaction, she couldn’t hide her silent snicker at the two.

Justin stared back in confusion which morphed into concern the longer Layla stared at him. She was staring at him like a stranger. “Lay lay it’s me. It’s dada.” He leaned in to press a kiss to her right cheek, making an exaggerated “mawh” sound as he did so. That was something he recently learned would make her laugh.

She didn’t.

When he pulled back, he could see her dark blue eyes clouded with tears, her lip puckered out as it wobbled. She was about to cry.

And she did. With a loud wail, Layla proceeded to burst into tears at the confusing sight of her dad.

Justin tried to shush her and calm her down, but when she opened her eyes to look at him, she cried even worse. “Oh my god. What the hell is going on?” He turned to Alex with a panic.

She sat the phone down after stopping the video and moved to collect her dramatic daughter. “She might not recognize you with your haircut, babe.” She cooed at her daughter and rocked her back and forth. “It’s just dada, baby girl. It’s dada,” she pointed at her devastated boyfriend. “He just looks different but it’s him.” She pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, listening to her sniffle as Layla stared at her dad while laying her head against her mom’s shoulder.

“My daughter thinks I’m ugly,” Justin mourned as he lowered his head into his hands. 

“Oh my god.” Alex playfully rolled her eyes, “No she doesn’t. You just look different to her with a haircut. Like when Patrick shaved his beard a week ago. She doesn’t understand.”

Justin lifted his head and stared with misty eyes at his daughter who stared back at him. She had the fisted material of her mom’s shirt now in her mouth as she continued to stare back at him.

Justin got up slowly and approached the two. “It’s me, Lay Lay, it’s dada.” He reached gently out to touch her hand and smiled softly at his daughter.

She cooed at him and flexed her hand in her mouth. 

“Sorry, I scared you, pretty girl.” He said softly, “dada needed a haircut.”

Layla continued to coo and even made a soft shrill sound as she reached her hand out toward his face.

Justin leaned in, letting her press her little fingers against his bearded jaw. He cringed slightly at the feeling of her wet fingers wiping her drool on his face.

Layla made another loud shrill and laughed at the feeling of her dad’s face. 

He looked at her as she smiled her gums at him, her eyes doing their famous squinty-eye thing that his did.

Justin grinned at that, his own eyes squinting with the smile as he stared back at his little mini-me.

“See, she’s ok and she doesn’t think you’re ugly,” Alex said gently. 

“No, but she does think Patrick’s ugly,” Justin quipped back with a smirk.

“Don’t let your mom hear that,” Alex laughed, “Or Patrick because he’ll be blowing up your phone with all sorts of insults.”

“We’re not afraid of him, right Lay Lay?” Justin gently scooped his baby up and pressed a kiss to her cheek, doing his signature “mawh” sound to hear her laugh again.

Layla cooed and pressed her wet, drool-covered hands on her dad’s nose, digging her nails in. 

“Ouch,” Justin winced, gently grabbing her hand on his nose. “Those talons are sharp.”

Layla just sighed in response and pressed her head deeper into his neck. 

“She seems to dig the surprise now,” Alex mused. “Let’s hope I feel the same.”

“You will after tonight,” Justin grinned, flashing her a knowing look. “Still enough to pull.”

“Oh my god,” Alex rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading. She headed for the kitchen.

“It’s true,” Justin called after her with a grin. He suddenly remembered his long-forgotten lunch. “Can you grab my food babe?”

“Only if you do all the work tonight because I’m not lifting a finger.” Alex was in the kitchen at that point.

“Deal,” Justin called back. 

Layla dosed once more against her dad, oblivious to the conversation her parents were having. All was fine once more in the Herbert house - as long as Justin didn’t buzz the rest of his hair off. He wasn’t certain Alex or Layla would forgive him if he did.

[forever-fixating]

RWRB Appreciation Month Bingo: First Family

For @rwrbsource and @rwrbmovie's RWRB Appreciation Month Bingo: First Family

First Family

Author's Note: All opinions are valid, but as someone raised by a working single mom, I find some of the fandom interpretations of Ellen disheartening. I felt compelled to write this, given all the bullshit swirling around in the news about Kamala Harris. I'm not saying Ellen is a perfect mom, that she didn't make mistakes with Alex and June, but I feel she is way better than some would give her credit for. Maybe that's just my bias showing because she reminds me so much of my mom. Plus, if we want to talk about parental neglect, I think that Catherine basically abandoning her children for years after Arthur's death deserves more scrutiny than is usually given. See my previous ficlet with Henry and Pez for more on that! (steps off soapbox)

Ellen Claremont could not sleep. Leo had taken his nighttime meds and fell fast asleep, currently snoring like a buzzsaw and making Ellen contemplate homicide. She went through her mental checklist one more time, nervous that she was forgetting something that would send the entire ceremony tumbling down tomorrow. Her baby boy was getting married. In the past week, she had gone through at least two packs of tissues from bursting into sporadic fits of tears. June gave her a one-armed hug when she started crying at the florist, confirming the delivery time and location for the arrangements.

"I'm so sorry," Ellen laughed, dabbing at her eyes. "It's just-"

"Oh, you don't have to explain, ma'am," the woman said with a sympathetic smile. "I bawled like a newborn baby when all three of mine got married. You look at them and still see the babies they once were."

"You should have seen her at the tux fitting," June said. Affecting a deep Southern accent, she mock-wailed, "Look at my little boy! He's so grown up. I remember dressing him for his first day of school and now-"

"You were crying too, as I recall!" Ellen said, smacking her oldest's arm. "Just wait 'till it's your turn. I'll be inconsolable."

The two women were joyfully involved in planning Alex's wedding. Right before her second term ended, Ellen was inundated with book deals to write about her historic presidency. After the dust settled and she returned to Austin, she finally went through her inbox and contemplated such a project. There was only one person she went to for help. She called her daughter and asked if she would be willing to work with her on the book.

June was hesitant at first, so Ellen said, "I think this could be good for us, honey. I know I can't make up for all the time we lost, but I don't want to lose anymore. You may not believe it all the time, but you and Alex have always been my greatest accomplishments."

As much as she wanted to, Ellen didn't tell Alex about her offer. She wanted June to want to do this with her. It took about three weeks, but one afternoon, June called. The first words out of her mouth were, "Warts and all, right? I don't want to leave any stone unturned."

"Warts and all," Ellen agreed. With a lump in her throat, she said, "Thank you, honey."

Working on the book with June was something Ellen would always treasure. Seeing her daughter in her element, neck-deep in research materials and pages of questions, made the older woman feel guilty for trying to force her into a box that suited Ellen's needs more than June's. There were days and nights of hard work and even harder conversations, but Ellen wouldn't trade a single second. June unburdened herself of long-held resentments. She cried over being forced to grow up too fast and pick up the slack of caring for Alex when Oscar left for California.

"I was so mad at you," June whispered, her voice wavering as she studied her manicured nails. "I was mad at you for making Dad leave, mad at you for always being busy, mad at you for putting total strangers before me and Alex."

Ellen reached out to take her daughter's hand when she cut herself off. It was difficult to hear how she failed her kids, but she knew June needed this. Their relationship wouldn't progress without addressing those hurts. June wiped her runny nose, saying, "As an adult, I realize there is more to it, but try telling that to a twelve-year-old who just wanted her mom to be like all the other moms. At home doing PTA and helping with my homework."

"I felt the same way about my momma," Ellen said, refilling their wine glasses. "Why couldn't I have new clothes instead of hand-me-downs from cousins? Why didn't she make me breakfast or pack me a lunch like Donna Reed? Never mind that she was a high school dropout and a widow working two, sometimes three, jobs just to support us. I couldn't see what she gave up, just what I lost."

June sniffled, her face crumpled. "I felt so guilty because you were out there changing the world, being this hero to so many, and all I could think was how I wanted you home with me, being my momma. I'm sor-"

"No, baby." Ellen pulled June into her arms and squeezed her tight. They were both crying now. "I can admit there were times when my job took precedence over you two. Christ, after what happened to Alex, I blamed myself and my relentless ambition. Why didn't I stay in Texas? Why couldn't I be happy there? How could I let something like this happen to my own son? But I told myself that if I did stay, he wouldn't have met the love of his life."

After tossing and turning for twenty minutes, Ellen gave up on sleeping and climbed out of bed. Immediate family on both sides chose to stay at the lakehouse before the big day. She slipped on her houseshoes and headed to the kitchen for a snack. She smiled when she saw Alex sitting at the counter, tapping away on his laptop.

"That better not be work-related," Ellen teased when she reached him, "or your husband-to-be will be mighty peeved."

Alex jumped but smiled sheepishly before closing the laptop. She took the chair next to him as he said, "I can neither confirm nor deny what I was doing, but I have a bottle of Maker's and a tub of Rocky Road to pay for your silence."

"Proceed, counselor."

Alex grinned and stood. She watched him move around the kitchen with the softest of smiles. The florist's words returned to her and never felt more true than in that moment. Though a young man stood there, pouring them whiskey and grabbing two spoons and a frosty tub of Bluebell out of the freezer, all she could see was a little boy arguing with a Seaworld employee, a lanky teen excited to drive without supervision. And now here he was, about to marry his fairytale prince.

When he caught her scrubbing the corner of her eye, he shook his head and said quickly, "No, no, no! Momma, please don't start crying 'cause if you start, I won't stop!"

"I'm sorry!" Ellen whimpered between giggles. Alex set their drinks down and put the Bluebell tub between them. As he took his seat, she sipped her whiskey and said, "You're just my baby boy, and you're getting married tomorrow. Poor Junie has been consoling me for weeks."

They clinked their glasses together, and he opened the ice cream. Each of them dug in with matching watery smiles. After a period of silence, Alex said softly, "Shit...I'm getting married tomorrow."

Ellen gave him a chocolate whiskey kiss on the cheek. "You sure are."

He ate another spoonful and said around it, "Is it weird that I'm not nervous? Like...I just want to go home with my husband and unpack our house together."

"Not at all, baby." She took another sip, relishing the burn down her throat. "Alex, when things were at their worst, your love for that boy was unshakeable. Trust in that always, and you'll be okay."

"Any other pearls of wisdom?"

Ellen snorted. "You sure you want my advice? I did get divorced."

"That's why I trust you more than most," he said, his eyes and voice so earnest. "May not have gotten it right the first time, but you got there eventually."

Ellen hummed. She thought back to her marriage with Oscar. Already pregnant, they opted for a quick ceremony with the Justice of the Peace. Neither of their families was happy about that decision, thinking they were moving too fast. All her momma could say when Ellen asked her to be there was, "You're gonna regret this, Ellie, but you're grown. I can't stop you."

"Well," Ellen sighed, leaning back into her chair, "the most important thing, especially since you're your momma's child, is to make time for him. Don't wait for birthdays or anniversaries to celebrate each other. If you see a trinket that makes you smile and think of him, buy it. The little moments are just as important as the big ones, baby."

"Is that why you and Dad didn't work?"

She gave her son a sad smile and said, "If I'm perfectly honest, I don't think your daddy and me would've made it long-term. We were both too stubborn to listen, too proud to compromise. But Alex, I wouldn't change a thing. All the mistakes I've made, the regrets I have...you two were never that."

Alex ducked his head, his long curls falling forward. "Goddamn it, Momma. Told you not to make me cry."

"Oh, baby," she laughed. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed his head and said, "You and Henry are forever. I've never felt more certain about anything in my life."

"More than winning the Presidency?" Alex laughed.

"Especially more than that."

A/N: I tried to give space for valid criticisms of Ellen while still allowing for some grace and understanding. That she and Alex have such a good relationship in the book counts for something in my mind. Share your thoughts down below! I love getting nerdy about RWRB.

Check out this post and join the fun in celebrating the one-year anniversary of our little romcom that could being released!

[not-a-space-alien]

Desperate Daybreak Chapter 5

In this chapter: Everyone takes a moment to regroup and figure out where to go from here.

MMSS masterpost

DD masterpost

On AO3

Warnings for this chapter: Misgendering and dehumanization throughout, casual misogyny, references to domestic abuse, talk about pregnancy (and the dysphoria of a pregnant trans man)

***

Even from beyond the grave, Priscus was finding ways to control and objectify him.

Valen stumbled out of the study, resolved to not let Eleanor and Elvira see him bursting into tears.  He knew this was going to be an ugly one.

“Valen?”  It was Lex, carefully touching his clothed elbow.  “What's wrong?  Talk to me.”

“I have to get pregnant,” he choked.  “The will says I have to bear and raise his son to inherit the estate.”

He doubled over, dry heaving–he was grateful he'd been too anxious to feed earlier, otherwise he would be spitting up blood onto the pristine carpet.  He felt dizzy, about to pass out.

“Where's the maid?”  Tessie came out, shutting the door and stifling the alarmed queries of the two women within.  “Someone needs to show us to the guest rooms.”

***

Valen hadn't cried this hard since he'd been literally tortured.

There were no bars here, no chains, no silver to hurt him.  Somehow that made it worse.  He had to choose.  He had to do this to himself.

Ari paced the length of the fancy guest bedroom, where Valen was sitting on the fine canopy bed, inconsolable.  “There's no way this is legally binding, right?” Ari growled.

Tessie grimaced.  “Unfortunately, it kind of is.”

Ari cursed, kicking a nearby ottoman.

“You don't have to do this, Valen.”  Lex sat on the bed next to Valen and took his hand.  “It's your decision.  No one else's.”

“How can I not?” Valen sobbed.  “How can I forfeit the inheritance when there are thousands of people trapped like I was?  When thousands more will be destroyed if things continue on as they are?”

“You’re being asked to make another impossible choice,” Lex squeezed his hand.  “We know that.  We'll support you whatever you decide.”

Valen ripped his hand out of hers and hid his face, bawling.  “If I don’t do it, the fate of all those people will be on my shoulders.”

“No,” Lex said.  “No, that isn’t true.  It isn’t your fault.”

“But I might be the only one on the planet who can do this.  Who can save them.”

“Take a breather,” Tessie said.  “Calm down.  Breathe.  Focus on your breathing.”

Valen followed instructions, taking shuddering breaths.

“It’d only be for nine months,” Valen told himself.  “It would be horrible, but then it would be over.  I wouldn’t have to raise his child, not really.  The nursemaids would do most of that.  And then I could–I would have to teach him–for when he’s 18–I would have to–  Oh God, if it’s a girl I have to try again!”

He burst into tears once more.

“Hey.”  Tessie knelt in front of him to force him to look at her.  “You’re spiraling.  You don’t have to take this head on right this second.  Breathe.  Look at me.  Breathe.”

Valen kneaded his hands on his thighs, choking on air.  “Sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.”  Tessie took his hands.  Oops, now he was in love with her, too.  “It’s gonna be okay.  Focus on yourself right now.  Do you know what grounding exercises are?”

That was enough to snap him out of his spiral.  “Like… electrical grounding?”

Tessie laughed.  “No, no, it’s a therapy thing.  Focus on your physical surroundings to stop getting lost in your own head.  Three things you can see, two you can hear, one you can feel.”

Valen sniffled.  “I can see you, and Alexis and Ariana.  I can hear Lex and Ari breathing, I can hear Callidora walking around outside.  I can feel your soft hands.”

“There you go.”  Tessie patted his hands.  “Why don’t we take the evening, huh?  We should talk about this later once the shock has worn off.  We won’t make progress on anything when we’re upset.”

***

The guest suite was a truly magnificent suite.  Valen had never stayed in it before, and he found he sort of preferred it to the master bedroom.  It had three distinct rooms connected by little passways, so they could all be close by while still having some semblance of privacy.

Ari huffed as she brought the rest of their bags in.  “I think that’s it.”  She dumped the suitcases on the biggest bed.  “We’re crashing here for the next… few days, I guess?”

Probably longer than that.  Valen had no idea how long this was going to drag on, but he had a feeling it would be a while… Hopefully it would at least be within Lex and Ari’s natural lifespan, so he didn’t have to do it without support.

Valen primly moved the suitcases off the bed, to avoid dirtying the linens.  “Yes.  We should have the guest suite to ourselves.”  He glanced at Tessie.  “You are welcome to make yourself at home here, too.  Having you nearby will be useful, I’m sure.”

“Figured as much.”  Tessie winked.  “That’s why I already have a suitcase here.”

Ari stood stiffly in the middle of the room.  “Criminy.  I’ve never stayed in any place this nice.  Not even the nicest hotel I ever stayed in was as nice as this.  I feel like I’m going to mess something up.  I feel like I’m supposed to be here as hired help or something.”

Valen laughed.  “Please make yourself comfortable.  As long as you’re with me, we shouldn’t be shy about using all the luxuries available to us.”

Tessie hovered near the door.  “Would you mind, uh, helping me find my way back down to where I left my suitcase…?  Now that I think about it, I can’t actually remember how to get there, ahaha… I think it ended up in the servant’s quarters somewhere for some reason.”

“Oh!  Of course.  You two stay here, all right?  We’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Valen and Tessie left the room.

Ari flopped down on the bed, face-down.  “Holy shit,” she said into the duvet.

Lex started stripping off her silver armor, flopping it down onto the dressing table where her gloves already lay.  “Well…  I know this is probably the last thing we should be making time for, but…  There’s no way we can talk to him now about… us?  Right?”

Ari groaned.  “No way.  The poor guy’s already overloaded.  We could make it way, way worse.  And what if he says no or we make him uncomfortable?  Now we’re stuck together for who knows how long trying to… save humanity from the vampires I guess.”  She rolled over.  “Holy shit.  We could really do this.  We could come out of this situation saving all the people on this side of the border.  Valen will literally own most of them.  We couldn’t legally do anything to take the ones held by vampires privately, but he’ll get to decide what to do with all the blood farm humans.”

Lex wanted to be happy about it, but all she could focus on was the previous topic.  She let out a whine.  “Stupid timing.  What if Tessie steals him from us?  Did you see the way he was looking at her?  Aaaah!”

“Relax, you maniac.  He looks that way at everybody, including you and me.”

Footsteps pattered rapidly outside, and the door swung open.  Valen stuck his head in, looking panicked, but he immediately calmed down upon seeing them.  “Oh, good, you’re all right.  Not that you wouldn’t have been!  Nobody on staff would hurt you–I don’t think.  No, no reason for alarm at all.”  Truthfully, he’d gotten nervous after getting ten feet away from the guest suite and forced Tessie to run all the way with him to get her suitcase so they could hurry back as fast as possible.

Valen came in and held the door open for Tessie.  Tessie stepped inside, which revealed Callidora standing right behind her.  She had a heavy metal fire poker in one hand.

“I heard the mistress crying earlier,” Callidora said, sounding very severe.  “Who’s made her cry already?  She’s only just arrived.  I won’t stand for it, not with the master of the house gone.”

Valen stifled a laugh.  “That’s very kind of you, Callidora, but please don’t trouble yourself.”

“Just say the word, Mistress.”

“I’m fine on protection, dear.  But would you mind going down to the human quarters and arranging some food for my companions?”

Callidora sighed and leaned the poker upright against the wall.  “As you wish, Mistress.”  She moved off.

Valen turned towards Lex and Ari.  “Make sure you’ve gotten everything you need out of the van.  The sun is coming up soon, so we won’t be able to get the– Well, I suppose you would be able to go back out to the vehicle.  That was silly of me.  Ahahah.”

Lex stood and took his hand.  “It’s sweet of you to think of us.  Hey, why don’t you show us around the place?  We’ve never been in a house like this before, and it sounds like Tessie could use the navigation help, too.”

Valen perked up.  “Oh, that’s a wonderful idea!  The estate really is quite nice.”

Tessie brought up the rear and shut the bedroom door behind them as they came out into the hallway.  Their feet brushed against the thick carpet and rugs as they walked.

“Most of this wing is the bedrooms,” Valen said.  “Except for the servant’s living quarters.  Those are downstairs next to the human quarters.  The master bedroom is there at the end–it’s the fanciest door.  I, ah, don’t have good memories with it, so I’d rather not go in there, but it really is the nicest room in the house.  I’m positive all four of us could fit on the bed.”  He blushed furiously.  “Not that I-” he fumbled.  “It was merely a size comparison, you understand.”

“Of course,” Tessie said, bemused.

When they came to the end of the hallway, the ceiling soared upwards above a huge open room below.

“This is the ballroom,” Valen said.  “We hosted lots of grand events, since we’re one of the more…preeminent noble families.”

“I went to one of the Kithrara family balls when I was young!” Tessie exclaimed.  “It wasn’t this one, though, I remember it being bigger.”

“It must have been the one at Xavier’s manor.  His mansion is the largest and has the biggest ballroom for the big parties.”

“I was pretty young, so that party was the first time I’d ever seen a human!  Er.”  She kept glancing at Lex and Ari out of the corner of her eye, like she was afraid every little thing she was saying was offensive.

Ari stood with her hands clamped uncomfortably on the gilded railing.  “Nggggh,” she groaned.

Valen moved off, shuffling along the railing and babbling about hyper-specific details here and there.  Lex appeared at Ari’s elbow.  “Everything okay, babe?”

“All this fancy shit is giving me hives.  Keep feeling like someone is gonna tell me I shouldn’t be here.”

Lex laughed.  “You’re fine.  C’mon.”  She pulled Ari to follow.  “This would be a beautiful place to spend time if it had any windows..although obviously I understand why they don’t have them.  But imagine a stained glass window right there!  The natural sunlight would hit the chandelier–wouldn’t that be awesome?”

“Ngh.”

“There’s the study,” Valen pointed.  “Obviously you all know where that is.  That leads over to the terrace–there are metal shutters over the glass during the day, but at night you can see the whole estate.  It’s quite a nice view.  Oh, good morning!”

This last bit was directed at a servant who was in the process of shuttering the glass door.  He gave a polite nod.  “Good morning, Mistress Kithrara.”

He had a strange look on his face.  Everyone could tell he was thinking Why does the mistress look like a man and not a woman, but he was far too polite to say anything.

“Ah–keep up the good work!” Valen said cheerfully.

The servant bowed politely and rolled a cart full of laundry out of sight.

“I’m so glad everyone knows what to do without me telling them to,” Valen said, wringing his hands.  “I was never any good at managing the house… although I think it was mostly because I just didn’t want to do it.  Well, down there is the laundry room, the servants’ quarters, and the human quarters-”

“Can we go in there?” Lex said.  “I want to meet the staff and the humans.”

“No!” Valen exclaimed, with such force that everyone else stopped walking and looked at him.  No, they couldn’t see the human quarters, the evidence of the family’s heinous practices.  It was the same reason he got nervous when they looked at his fangs, or commented on his superior strength, or any other sign that he was a vampire.  He wanted to keep them as far as possible from the evidence that he was a monster.

“Is everything okay?” Tessie said, clueless.

Valen sweated.  “Yes.  Sorry.  I just–  It’s nothing–”

Lex took his hand.  “We don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to.”

Valen swallowed.  “Maybe later.  Let’s look at the gaming room instead, shall we?  It leads into the foyer, and–Oh!”

He snapped his mouth shut as Eleanor came round the corner out of the foyer.  “Valen, dear, there you are!  I was worried when you ran off like that after you got your hands on the will.”

“Forgive me, Grandmother.”

“Tell me, you and your…”  She made a dismissive gesture to Lex, Ari, and Tessie.  “...attaché aren’t going to be staying at the manor more than a few nights, are you?”

“It’s hard to tell, Grandmother.  This business with the will is very complicated.”

“I just think you would be more comfortable back where… wherever you were living before this.”

Ah.  “I do think I should be close by as we figure out the future of the estate, Grandmother.”

Eleanor fussed.  “Well–Well there simply isn’t room!”

“...There isn’t room?”  Valen glanced about at the empty expanses around him.  “The guest quarters are plenty big, thank you.”

“But it’s not proper to stay in the guest quarters!  And it’s not proper to stay in the master bedroom, of course, without Xavier and Priscus here, and the other rooms are all claimed by various other family members for when they overday here, and it wouldn’t be proper during the mourning period of course-”

“Grandmother, you worry too much.  I doubt anyone will care that we’re staying in the guest suite.”

“But Valen!  Where will I stay, then, if not in the guest quarters?”

Valen ground his teeth.  “Grandmother, surely it would be more proper for you to stay at Xavier’s manor house rather than Priscus’s?  They are plenty close by.  The estate is quite large.”  Surely nobody, no matter how spoiled, could claim there wasn’t room for five people spread out between several different mansions?  He desperately wanted Eleanor and Elvira to not be hanging around the house, and they lived at the manor–just, elsewhere on it.  He was a half second away from just snapping get out of my house.

“I just want to be here for you during this difficult time,” Eleanor fretted.

“He doesn’t need you, lady,” Ari said.  “Get lost.”

Eleanor got a look of supreme offense on her face.  “Valen!  I can’t believe you let your thrall talk like that to anyone, let alone family!”

“Apologies, Grandmother.  Humans have minds of their own when they aren’t subjected to persuasion.  Her ill manners do not hide the truth, though.  It’s very kind of you to offer, but I would prefer some space to sort out my thoughts.”

“The next time any of your humans say something like that to me, I’ll use persuasion on them myself.  I know you object to it, and I’ve been indulging you so far, but there are limits.”

“There are limits, Grandmother.  Using persuasion on either of them is my limit.  Under no circumstances are you to do that.”

Eleanor scoffed.

Valen gracefully gave a half-bow.  “Grandmother, need I remind you I am, legally, the owner of the property on which we all currently reside, and as such am entitled to choose who is and isn’t welcome on the grounds?”

“You wouldn’t dare kick me out of my own ancestral home, you low-born bitch.”

Valen spread his hands in a polite gesture.  “I needn’t dare as long as you are welcome here, Grandmother, which you will be if you abide by my limits.”

Eleanor scowled at him.  “Whatever.  Xavier’s manor is more comfortable anyway.”

She turned and walked away.  Valen prayed the upset was great enough that she’d try to leave and get to Xavier’s manor house before sunrise.  He honestly couldn’t find it in him to care if she got stranded outside during the day.  He probably would have kicked her out if being in everyone’s good graces wasn’t potentially useful right now. 

Valen turned back to Ari.  “Please let me handle talking to the family.”

Ari went red.  “Sorry.  Sorry, I just–it’s hard watching you be uncomfortable.”

Valen's heart melted.  “I do appreciate it.”

Oh, he should probably check on Elvira to lay down the law, too.  He cleared his throat.  “Elvira?  Are you also in the foyer?”

Elvira appeared in a blur, stopping on a dime from a speed so fast the momentum jostled her black gown and veil forward.  “Yes?”

Valen spun around to face her, startled.  “Are you planning to overday here?”

“If I’m welcome to.”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you respect my human associates.  Although I do imagine you’ll be going back to Mordecai’s manor house tonight, Elvira?”

“You will call me Auntie, won’t you?”  Before Valen could react, Elvira let out a manic laugh, whose pitch and intensity could only be described as unhinged.

Valen stood frozen to the ground.  “Ah.”

“Yes, I’ll get out of your hair at sunset.”

“I see…  Ahm, for what it’s worth.  I’m sorry about Sebastian.”  He was a spoiled brat, but he was still a child.  Well… not a child.  But just barely.  “It must be very hard losing a son.”

Elvira had a glassy look in her eye.  “I appreciate the sentiment.  He wasn’t really my son though, was he?  He was Mordecai’s son.  I just gave birth to him.”

***

They met a few more servants on the rest of the tour, who scampered about their business with only minimal curt acknowledgements of their presence.  Valen explained it was polite to stay out of the way and be quiet so as not to disturb the “important” vampires in the castle, but reported it’d always made him feel like he’d done something wrong and they didn’t want to talk to him.

When they got back to the guest suite, Callidora was there with a silver tray.  She gave a curtsy.  “I retrieved a meal for your thralls, Mistress, just like you asked.”

“Thank you.”  Valen gave it a cursory glance and then moved back into the guest suite.  “Now that that’s taken care of, I think I would love a nice, warm bath.  The tubs here are wonderfully deep.”

Tessie also gave her an approving nod before moving on.

Lex and Ari, meanwhile, looked at each other awkwardly.  The meal on the tray consisted of a head of cabbage, three potatoes, a cut of raw steak, a box of dry cereal, and an assortment of fruit.  There were no utensils, plates, drinks, or napkins.

“Ah, Valen,” Lex said, tactfully reeling Valen back in from the bathroom.  “Hey, can we talk real quick?”

Valen peeked out.  “Hm?  Yes, of course.  What is it?  Oh, I should have corrected Callidora on calling you thralls.  I apologize.  It just seems like an uphill battle to do it every time-”

“No, no, it’s not that.  It’s the food.”

“Oh!”  Valen bent over to examine the tray.  “It seems balanced.  There’s a fine selection of vegetables, grains, and meat.  It has a good balance of protein, carbs, and fiber-”

“It’s just,” Ari said, struggling against that very scientific explanation of why it was the perfect meal.  “Most of this stuff–I mean, it needs to be cooked, a lot of it.”

“Oh?  Oh!  Yes of course, I’m so sorry!”

“The room service here sucks,” Ari said, and good thing she didn’t notice the defeated look Callidora took on.  “Fancy hotel rooms at least have a microwave, right?”

“Can we just go to the human quarters and prepare our own food?” Lex tried.  “It has a kitchen, right?  You don’t have to go too if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Valen stood rooted to the spot.  “I suppose,” he said slowly.  “That is the most logical option.”

“You don’t have to go too.  We just can’t–if we’re going to be here for a while, we’re going to need control over what we eat, right?”

“Yes, that’s perfectly logical.”

“You don’t have to go too.”

“No, I don’t want you to go unescorted.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I can go,” Tessie offered.

“No, no, that’s all right.  No need to trouble yourself.”

“It’s no trouble-”

“I’ll go with them!” Valen snapped.

Tessie held her hands up.  “Okay.”

Valen felt like he was going to the gallows as they walked down the hall.

“It’s not your fault,” Lex said.  “We don’t expect you guys to know about how to feed us.”

“We have veterinarians on staff,” Valen offered lamely.  “They know how to balance human diets.  And the humans themselves have some control over their-”

“No, of course, of course.”

“I just personally haven’t-”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“I haven’t paid as much attention as I should have to the way you two eat-”

“Don’t worry about it-”

“I’ve been curious about it-”

“Don’t worry about it-”

“It just doesn’t come naturally to me at all.”

“Of course.”

They arrived at the human quarters–a metal door with a deadbolt on the outside.  Valen swallowed and unlocked it.

The inside was just as luxurious as the rest of it, except the beds were bunks to take up less space.  There was also a kitchen–something conspicuously absent in the rest of the manor.

The door opening prompted some of the humans to sit up and turn their attention towards the sound.  Their eyes were blank.  No emotion on their faces whatsoever.  Most of them had inflamed, yellow bite marks.

“Ah, hello,” Valen said.  “No need to worry.  We’re just here for some food for my associates.”

None of them betrayed any understanding of his words.  One of them shuffled forward and craned their neck to the side, exposing the soft flesh vampires preferred for feeding.

Valen’s heart dropped.  “I suppose I’ll have to decide whether the house should be allowed to continue feeding on these humans.”  He turned to Lex and Ari and his heart found a basement in his stomach to drop even further into.  They were horrified.

They’d known this is what it’d be like, hadn’t they?  They’d known?  Were they surprised?

Did they think he was a monster?  Were they rethinking this whole thing?  Were they going to abandon him forever?

“Jesus Christ,” Ari whispered.

Lex’s eyes roved the room.  Then, she smiled and gestured widely, as though nothing were wrong.  “Hey!  Somebody come show me where the good food is, huh?  I’m starving!”

She went to the kitchen and opened the big fridge.  “What’s good, huh?  What’s for dinner?”

The nearest human stepped forward to stand beside her.

“Show me the good food!”

The human reached out and pulled out a package of wagyu beef.

“There we go!” Lex said.  “The good shit!  Yeah!  We should have a dinner party, huh?”

The human’s face twitched, like they were trying to smile.

“There we go!”

Valen stood in the middle of the room, wringing his hands.  Head bowed.  Ashamed.

Lex started rifling through the drawers and taking out cutting boards, spices, and knives.  “Woah!  They’re fully stocked here!  This is awesome.  I’ve never had such a nice kitchen to cook in.”

Valen turned to Ari, who was still standing there stone-faced.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Ari let out a deep breath.  “It’s not your fault.  We know it’s not your fault.”

Tears pooled in Valen’s eyes.

“Hey,” Ari said.  She bumped him with an elbow.  “What’s the use in crying about it?  What’s it accomplish to just feel guilty about it?”

“Nothing, I suppose.”

“Nothing.”  She wrapped an arm around him.

Valen watched Lex joyfully pull more and more of the braindead humans into cooking with her.  None of them showed any emotion whatsoever, but they still knew the motions to cook for themselves.

“I’ll do it,” he said quietly.

Ari squeezed his shoulder.

“I’ll sacrifice myself if it means I can fix this.  Someone has to.  I’m the only one who can.  I’ll do it.”

***

Taglist

@tomato-whump @dragonfireridge @taterswhump @whump-cravings

@scoundrelwithboba @pigeonwhumps @whumpsday @whumpy-writings @fuzzydarkpebble

@melodicnommer @thecyrulik @snake462 @gt-daboss @appelsiinilight

@star-rott @mottinthemainpot @corvidat @melancholy-in-the-morning @whumplr-reader

@honeycollectswhump @dragonqueenslayer6 @whumpycries @starfields08000 @scumashling

[strawbbydraws]

i have GOT 2 hear abt ur shiro experience

ALRIGHT. BE FOREWARNED it’s VERY embarrassing. I was young and stupid and homophobic by extension of living in a Christian conservative household. I was very sheltered, had extremely limited internet access- only being able to google images with permission at that time. so this is a recipe for disaster since I had no way of knowing the inevitable.

I was a BIG Voltron fan back when it was new. It was was what? 2016? 2017? Who knows. I was around 11-13 and emotionally stunted so. Shiro was my favorite character ever I loved him so much he was so so cool and the best!! I had a silly little crush on him, it was a whole thing. I made him and the rest of the cast on Tomodachi Life. I was serious about him, obviously.

When I was watching the latest season, there kept being flashback sequences where Shiro was remembering things and at one point there was some other guy in his home just arguing with him over something and I was like???? Who’s that?? Why is he mad at Shiro?

My parents suddenly stopped the show and was like “Oh no. I cannot believe this. They made Shiro a homosexual. Children, we can’t watch it anymore. Shiro is a gay man.”

It was his fucking boyfriend. I was so sheltered I didn’t even know what a mlm relationship looked like.

And I was like “HE’S GAYYYY?!?!!!” and straight up started BAWLING- I ran straight to my room and started ripping fanart I made of him out of my sketchbook and tore it to pieces and threw it around my room. This took like 30 minutes to do and I cried the entire time. My younger sisters were just. Following me to see my mental breakdown. Thanks girlies.

I scrambled to find our 3DS and booted up Tomodachi life and deleted EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS OFF MY ISLAND. this took at least 20 minutes to find everything and actually do that and I cried the entire time. Like sobbing and bawling because how could they make my favorite character gay. Now I couldn’t love him bc I was. A girl…

My parents tried to comfort me like “it’s ok, he isn’t real. He’s made up”

And I kept just crying. I was inconsolable. I bemoaned about how terrible Adam was (his boyfriend) for ruining my favorite character and my parents were like “ok strawbby we’re gonna get in a circle and pray for you and Shiro.” Bc they genuinely didn’t know what to do.

It was so pathetic omg I calmed down eventually but what was that about guys 😭 I found random pieces of poorly drawn Shiros around my room for a couple years after that.

I never got to finish Voltron but frankly hearing how it ended maybe it was for the best. I’m not homophobic anymore but I heard it sucked.

[buckyalpine]

hii so im not sure if you’re taking requests but if you are could you maybe to one where readers dog is having to be put down and she’s like rlly rlly upset and bucky comforts her? just like fluff x100 Im going through this right now and idrk what to do :/ thank you if you make it and if not I love all of your other works :)

Warnings: pet loss, angst, fluff

I don't even have a pet myself (I do babysit one) and this made me bawl ffs. I'm ugly crying so hard writing this rn. I'm so sorry this is something you have to go through, I'm sending you all the hugs, every single hug imaginable.

I imagined this with beefy Bucky, where he's still uncomfortable with physical touch which is why his comfort is so significant here.

You walked into the compound with red puffy eyes, you hoped and prayed that you wouldn't run into anyone because you didn't need anyone asked you what was wrong. Your sweet baby looked at you with tired eyes from the crate, it was like they knew. They blinked before putting their head down again, resting on one of their favorite teddies to play with.

You felt another wave of tears seeing them close their eyes, too tried to stay awake till you got to your room. You tried to get there as fast as you could before the cries escaped your lips. Bucky watched you carefully as he sat in the kitchen with his coffee, distress was evident on your face but he didn't want to pry. You ran to your room and locked the door, taking your fur baby in your arm for a final day of loving and hugs.

"I'm sorry baby" You whimpered, holding them close to your chest. They nuzzled into you, their paw on your shoulder, looking up at you and licking away some of the tears. Their eyes looked happy, as if they was ready. They knew it was their time and they needed you to know too.

It's okay mama.

You spent the day doing everything you could with them, giving them all the treats you could, taking them to their favorite spot in the park and giving them all the belly rubs you could. You took as many pictures as you could; you knew it would hurt each time you looked at them but you never wanted to forget this day.

Evening rolled around and you felt inconsolable. They slept by your side while you cuddled them close, you knew they had lived a long life. You'd given them every ounce of love you could but it still didn't feel like enough. If you could have just one more day. One more.

*****

You arrived back to the compound, all their little things in a box. Their collar. A little tag with their birthday date. A little clay mold to remember their paws. You hadn't told anyone because the sympathy would have hurt more but now the silence that filled your room was unbearable.

Bucky walked by your room, hearing your soft cries and the absence of paws pattering on the floor. His heart dropped, connecting the dots, he knew you didn't say anything but there was no way he was going to leave you alone during this time.

"Y/n" He knocked your door softly, while calling for you, only getting a muffled whimper in response. He opened the door, to find you wrapped up in your blankets, your face buried into your pillow to silence your sobs.

"I'm here, its okay" He didn't second guess anything, pulling you into his lap and tucking your body against his large frame. He wrapped his arms securely around you, surrounding you with his warmth, your hear resting under his chin. He made you feel protected, like you had someone to look after you again; less untethered while he held you firmly.

You tried to bite your lip to keep your cries in but the stronger he held you the harder it was to keep everything inside. Your face was in his chest, tears soaking his shirt as you let all your emotions go, melting into Bucky's arms.

"I'm here, I'm here angel, shhh" Bucky's voice was soft, his lips pressing soft kisses onto your head. His hands soothed you, rubbing your skin while your body trembled, his heart breaking because he'd only ever seen you smile.

The night wasn't easy, you'd woken up searching for your baby, only to find their spot empty. Bucky made sure he was there for you the entire time, holding you to his chest,

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered when he knew you were unable to fall asleep. You swallowed thickly, your throat feeling hoarse. Had anyone else asked you, you may have said no but Bucky was different. You nodded, recalling all the memories you had from when they were a puppy and all the adventures you had along the way.

"You loved them so much, couldn't have asked for a better mama" Bucky smiled down softly at you, his hand lacing with yours. "You took such good care of them. Even if it was just for a little while, you made them really happy. Showed them so much love. That's all they ever knew, how much you loved them"

You nodded, sniffling while he continued to hold you.

"Now you have all these beautiful memories with them. Those will never go away. They'll always be with you y/n, always" He kissed your forehead while you closed your eyes, your heart feeling a tiny sliver of peace. Even if you didn't have them forever, you had the best few years with them and you wouldn't have traded that time for the world.

"You can cry if you want to, I know the pain won't go away but you don't have to hold it inside. I'm always here to listen if you need"

And true to his word, Bucky made sure he checked in with you regularly. He had no problem hugging you through the night. During nights you found it difficult to be in your room, he quickly carried you over to his. The rest of the team were surprised to see him let anyone else there but he didn't feel an ounce of discomfort.

He knew pain. He thought about all the time all he needed was a hug and how he was met with cold silence instead. He would never let that happen to one of the sweetest people he'd ever met. No. He'd make sure you got the love you deserved. He coaxed you to get out more. Small walks. Trips to the coffee shop. Anything to keep you away from locking yourself in your room.

*****

He held you close, your head resting on his chest, his heart beat lulling you to sleep. You finally felt a sense of acceptance but the warmth of his arms was something you wanted to hold onto.

"Thank you Bucky" You whispered, snuggling further into his hold, it was clear to both of you, you wouldn't be leaving his arms ever any time soon.

"Of course angel" Bucky smiled softly, stroking your hair. He'd hold you forever as long as you felt safe.

[newhologram]

Aliens has been one of my fav movies since I was a toddler. According to Father Hologram, I used to BAWL at the part where the xeno’s head gets run over😭 I thought it was sad I guess. I cried about animals and creatures dying in movies a lot. Ace Ventura 2 had me inconsolable.

[jackhues]

peanut definitely hates Lukes mullet, she cried when she saw it

it was worse than when jack lost his tooth. (peanut was inconsolable for nearly three days, and she only stopped crying bcz quinn told her she can make fun of jack for missing a tooth).

when luke came home, all excited to show everyone his hair, mama did her best to hide her disappointment so luke wouldn't feel bad, but peanut literally didn't give a shit. she's like that's not your real hair, ur not lukey, lukey would never do this to me. and once luke convinces her the haircut's real and that it's him, peanut just starts bawling. luke's like "wait what?" and jack's dying bcz this is so funny to him. once peanut calms down, she literally refuses to look at luke until his hair grows back bcz every time she sees his hair, she cries.

[loaflovesdoodling]

Pleiades just going through the five stages of grief when he realizes Fylass is not working up from their comatose, and that's not getting better when the doctors can't help them.

I can only imagine how relieved he felt when they woke up

He's going to have an hysterical crisis. His emotions are going to take over and he's just going to react exaggeratedly to everything. If he laughs it's going to be loud and forced, if he cries it's gonna be painful and inconsolable, if he gets angry at anyone that's out of the group he's going to have to stress a lot to just barely hold himself back from straight up physical violence. It's like he's completely unhinged. Every time he keeps on bottling up his feelings and that constantly puts more and more stress on him; Fylass' coma was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Once Fylass wakes, he'll have to restrain himself from bawling and screaming in joy, by then he'll finally get back his composure, and his emotions get locked away once again...

[astriiformes]

i have so much respect for you for your choice of original blorbo oh my god reepicheep

I was utterly obsessed with Reepicheep from ages 6-8 or so -- the first time I ever cried over a book was when my dad read the Narnia series to my sister and I before bed. We hit the end of Voyage of the Dawn Treader and that was it, I was out. Absolutely bawling, totally inconsolable. I dressed up as him for a book character day at school, and wore our copies of the couple of books he was in out completely, to the point that my dad had to track down copies that matched the rest of our boxed set because the originals were falling apart.

It's always hit me in a bit of a strange/bittersweet way as an adult. I know as a kid I loved him because he was a clever, quick-witted knight, devoted above all else to doing the right thing, but it wasn't untethered from the faith I grew up with even then, and now I have a solid understanding of what Lewis wanted him to represent -- unwavering faith in something I totally lost faith in. Usually your first favorite fictional character, who you're supposed to be able to look back on really fondly, doesn't have quite so many strings attached.

But I've mostly made peace with it. Even now, I still consider myself a very passionate and faith-driven person -- I just have faith in different things, like humanity, and the moral arc of the universe, and the possibility of a better future. I think that's the element that runs through baby Nate latching onto a brave mouse knight and adult Nate being who I am and loving other characters that better represent the things I have faith in now (thinking long and hard about Fjord from Critical Role here, whose journey towards being a paladin had to start with abandoning his misplaced faith in something else that was hurting him and others, and who I also cried and cried over when he hit some of his most important character beats).

Also in the Prince Caspian movie Reepicheep was played by Eddie Izzard (which is probably the only good thing about the Prince Caspian movie) and I have extremely transgender feelings about it. Carry on.

[juuheizou]

hellooo so i'm also an autistic!juuzou truther and i wanted to know what are his trigger sounds and textures and what kind of actions or things can push him into sensory overload? also how does he act like when he's in that state and what can a partner do to help him out of it? ALSO:::: do you think he would do well w the sensory deprivation technique(squeezed in fluffy blanket, noise-canceling earbuds, dark and a bit of solitude)?

Hello, fellow sensible human being autistic Suzuya truther!

As hard as I try to have something for everyone who asks me a question, I answered the first part a little too comprehensively to even have anything else to add, if you want to check that out.

ANYWHO, to answer the rest of your question. He slowly gets more and more fidgety and irritable until he finally melts down. Believe you me, he does do the stereotypical rocking back and forth in a ball, but leading up to that point, he just gets less fun and more scary to be around. It starts with verbally snapping at people easily, being quick to get frustrated at things he's trying to use to the point of having broken a couple of work phones and (once, not his finest moment) a reporter's camera, until it gradually turns into subtly, then not-so-subtly, injuring himself.

Past that point, 99% of the times he cries in his life are during his meltdowns, and once he's at that point he's inconsolable. Bawling his eyes out, rocking, hitting himself. If he doesn't make it somewhere with less stuff around before he melts down, he is the type to trash his surroundings and destroy objects without meaning to.

When he's just getting overstimulated but might not be thinking straight enough to take care of it himself, a partner would be very helpful in physically getting him out of the situation that's causing him to get overstimulated. Just a "hey, the exit's this way," can make a big difference. As far as the overstimulated state itself, though there isn't anything anyone else can do but let it pass, and be there for him as it passes. Even just grabbing him a glass of water after he's been crying or something small like that, it's one less thing he has to struggle to think about in his post-meltdown haze or the clamor of sensory overload.

That said, being there for him is mostly done from a distance until he's feeling a little better, because he I very much see him self-soothing from sensory overload in a dark, quiet room alone, with a soft blanket to squeeze himself in and/or one of his plushies to squeeze. As much as he also likes his sensory-seeking, in a state of overload, his whole brain needs to rest.

[stylezxsilvermoon]

vent

not to be all sad and shit bc i hate posting sad shit but vent

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sometimes i just hate being me idk, like last night my gran DIDNT tell me to wash the dishes and i wasnt feeling well like my mental health at the time was so shit so i was gonna go easy on myself and not wash them

and she hasnt been telling me to wash them lately bc ive just been doing it bc one, shes toxic and manipulative and she'll make me feel like shit

and thats what she did.

and i just feel this inconsolable guilt when i dont do something im supposed to but i cannot get myself to do it bc im just so TIRED why cant i go easy on myself why cant i just she just wash the dishes sometimes

and all night i didnt even sleep well bc i didnt wash the dishes and i saw her in bed this morning and she usually wakes up at the crack ass of dawn to drink her coffee and listen to church music and la la la and she didnt she was in the bed watching tv and she ALWAYS gets up so if she doesnt get up ik shes mad/i messed up

and im not even half awake and she goes "i see you didnt wash the dishes last night" and shes in the bed and she looks so depressed and im like GIRLLL i was so tired and i just feel like this bawl of anxiety bc i didnt wash them and i went to make myself breakfast, before i did that i obviously washed them bc i felt so inconsolably guilty for not washing them one time

even after washing them shes still mad at me and she went on a whole rant abt how im so lazy and shit when literally my mental health has been so fucking bad

and plus WHY CANT SHE WASH THE DISHES? ik shes like almost 80 and she uses this respect ur elders shit on me so i end up having 2 wash them i KNOW i should wash them for whatever reason it is bc im lazy and im horrible and im a trash person bc i literally BREATHE

and she makes dinner and i wash them thats the invisible 'deal' except the deal only works in HER BENIFIT hence manipulation, when i cook she also expects me to wash the dishes

like when i cook for myself i obv wash them bc I DIRTED THEM I WASH THEM

and she acts like bc i ate the food i have to wash them, by that logic you ate it too so like?

im just so ugh bro im so ugh shes been making me feel like shit all fucking morning bc of it and ive cried like 3 times bc i just wanted to rest bc i cant fucking vent to anyone bc ive been feeling like no one fucking cares abt me and i dont deserve to be amongst other humans bc im always the problem im always causing drama im always the horrible one im always playing victim ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

and plus ive been dealing w this weird thing recently where like my mom shes like not here anymore but i look exactly like her we could be twins okok and my whole family loved and adored her and when she died they were obviously sad bc from what i heard she was a great person and im obv not against that and when she had a daughter they acted like all of their problems were solved HEY WE GET A SECOND ONE OF HER

when they discoverd i look walk talk act like her we have the same intrests

im literally her in a diff font

she was gay, i am also gay

she loved boybands, i love 1d

she wanted to be a nurse, i wanna be a labor and delivery nurse practitioner

she was kind and giving, i am also that

not to mention we basically look the same like i said before, i have a class for career prep bc i wanna be in the medical field and my mom used to work at a hospital and the scrubs we wore, were the same color... as the ones she used to wear

and since then anytime anyone in my family sees me they pull up that picture and laugh and laugh of how i look just like her

and i always get the feeling they dont love me (well obv bc they treat me like shit) but also i feel like they dont love ME for ME just her bc i look like her and im her daughter

and my crazy ass gran has said so she even calls me by my mothers name sometimes not MY NAME its like im not even a person i dont even have my own personality i just STOLE IT FROM HER

its like im a reincarnation of her and i cant help i like all the same things as her bc ig that just happend but sometimes i feel like i dont even have my own identity anymore no one even loves me for me im just sme hollow representation of what they loved before no one in my family actually loves me even if i didnt look like her

they'd cast me aside and call me crazy and weird if we didnt have similar lives they'd treat me like shit more than they already do if i didnt look like her, feels like the only purpose of them treating me with 1% respect is bc i have the face of someone they loved

but then i ask myself, why cant my face be a representation of someone you love? in a weird way... why cant when you look at me you think jamila, not lena

why?

because they dont like me, forever questioning why since i was like 8 my close family just finds me so disgusting and repulsive bc i dont conform to their thinking i dont conform to the typical 'woman' in my family

im not obedient and small, i dont put up with shit i dont deserve, i like diffrent things im still a fucking kid, im sensative to violence and i dont like watchin war movies where ppls arms get chopped off i dont like watching m*rder documentaries i dont like 'facing the facts' of the world and finding it entertaining

i rreally dont

i like princesses and fairys and barbie and winx and one direction and teenage mutant ninja turtles and adventure time and fantasy and glitter and pink and being called babygirl and princess im soft and i dont like those things

AND THEY HATE IT.

I DONT KNOW WHY and i hate that i get hated on bc i dont conform to this invisble checklist of what a woman is by my families standards

by my families standards a woman is obdedient and small and never questions anything shes submissive to her hUsbAnD and shuts up when he/her elders tell her to and do anything to please anyone else in the family bc shes 'well behaved'

and when she has kids, they better not act 'fast' have a personality, act like kids, they better be obdedient little monsters who sit and play quietly while the adults are tAlKiNg

who are EXCLUDED from ever being loved respected or accepted if they act any different

and i hate it.

ty for listening 2 my rant

im sorry it was so long

[lassieposting]

Been thinking about that post about robots trying to repair dead humans. It occurs to me that maybe making sentient robots would be quite possibly the cruelest thing ever. Imagine that you are a sentient, self-aware, conscious being who can empathize with other, biological sentients, but they are terrifyingly fragile and temporary and you love them and care about them but every one of them will be gone, soon, and you have to remember that forever, because you are machine. Yikes.

I don't really have thoughts about AIs beyond "I Want A JARVIS" and "GTFO Alexa You Capitalist Spy" but I am so here for the emotion in this

Also you have no idea how much I cried over those little mars rover robots.

"They've left earth never to return." Sobbing

"They sing themselves happy birthday." Wailing

"My battery is low and it is getting dark." INCONSOLABLE BAWLING

[woundedheartwithin]

So you finished the story then? How was that ending huh?

Absolutely devastating. Fucking destroyed me. 10/10 😭😭😭

No fr tho I cried, like, boo hoo hiccup bawling my eyes out cried. I looked exactly like Kiryu through that entire video and the drawing and Kiryu being like oh wow look at that Haruto you’re so amazing???? Complete and total destruction, no fucking survivors, I am inconsolable

So, in a word, perfect