#basking in it. i love you strange podcasts. i love you strange books

[wiltking]

feel like i need to inject as much media as i can into my brainstem before i pick up my next writing project and fall off the face of the earth again

[azullumi]

“dangerously yours” ; alhaitham

summary — it was a simple mission, kill the scribe. it should be easy but what happens when you fall in love with your target?

pairing — alhaitham w/gender-neutral reader

tags — definitely not fluff, some angst here and there, reader is a criminal, inspired by the dangerously yours podcast (please listen to it), not proof-read as always, this is more like an idea dump and word vomit ; headcanons/scenario

words — 1200+

note — woke up and had this idea, goodnight (also wrote this months ago and just noticed this in my drafts)

you had one mission, an easy one at that.

working as a mercenary and spy under a criminal organization, you were tasked to do various kinds of things—from infiltrating certain groups in order to obtain information, from guarding someone and protecting their life to taking one at that. emotions were never relevant in this line of work, empathy and mercy never exists in these crimson-painted walls of your life. nor did the notion of affection and feelings were accepted. 

until a file containing details about a gray-haired man with eyes that seem to reflect both the ocean and the forest along with the contents of your task were placed into your hands: gain his trust, take the necessary information, and with the words encased in red and capitalized as if it was an important note, as if it was something that shouldn’t be ignored, the words, kill him were written.

it was simple. it’s not like this was your first time receiving this kind of mission; you had plenty of these and you’ve always done and finished them without any sort of trouble coming in your way. it should have been simple.

however, nobody warned you of what he would become—to you. the soon-to-be bane of your existence: alhaitham.

his whole being itself was a hindrance, a disruption to the way that you have survived life—kill or be killed. so how did something that you have been so familiar and used to become as scary as if it was the unknown? how did something that your whole life revolved around become so foreign and strange? how could you ever let go of someone who basked you in the afterglow of warmth and serenity?

he had you experiencing such things that you never dared to imagine.

“how can you be so sure when you don’t even know me completely.” you say, sitting right in front of the light-haired man, alhaitham,—your target—with a smile plastered on your face, a fake one at that. everything that will unfold here and throughout was simply just a form of deception to accomplish your mission.

“oh, i know you.” there was an underlying meaning underneath the tone of his words, the corner of his lips lifted into a small smirk, and you couldn’t help the numbing and cold chill that runs through your skin.

it was in a way that those stupid turquoise eyes of his feels like it’s looking right through you, as if he could read and see every thought of yours—and that’s what scares you, it’s not the fear that he’ll know of your soul and what you truly came for but the fear that he’ll know of the alacritous thumping of your heart and how your mind spirals into a turmoil and how you have to remind yourself every single time you hear his voice or gaze at him that this is the man you are supposed to kill.

not even once have you ever bothered to remember the names of the previous men that you were entrusted to get to rid of, only knowing their faces and quickly forgetting about it after you have done your job. but to alhaitham, to him, you know every single thing about him—how he prefers his coffee made, the colors that he likes (he insists on not having a favorite), how he struggles with falling asleep often, his love and preferences for books and reading, how he styles his hair (he only brushes through it and let the wind do its job), how he expresses himself, and how he lives his life.

in this play that you have orchestrated, you have unknowingly become of a victim of your own deception.

oh, foolish you, yearning for something, someone, that you will never have. when did it even begin? how did you even start to crave for a life that was completely out of your hands? was it when he smiled when he looked at you with those eyes one time? was it when you heard the sound of his laughter and wished to hear more of it? was it at the moment he kissed you and all you could remember throughout the night was the feeling of his lips grazing against your own and ghosting against your skin? is it because he always treats you with gentleness and looks at you with adoration like your existence was made up of stars and the sun?

for the first time in your whole life, you feel like a normal person for once—one who only experienced being hurt by heartbreaks, who cried over simple things, who ran through the fields in freedom and with nothing chaining you in a single place. for once, you feel like living instead of surviving.

the thought of running away, leaving behind the one thing you’ve only known and clung to, and simply being with him remains at the back of your head, the idea of waking up and spending your morning with him underneath the warm light of the sun, that you’ll get to feel the soft beating of his heart against your ear as he held you, that you get to experience the tenderness of his touch and kisses, that you’ll get to have him so close and so bare to you fills you with such warmth and comfort (feelings that were completely shoved under the pile of increasing corpses of the lives that you betrayed and took). but you weren’t a good person and you never will be, so how could you covet for something that is entirely undeserving for your existence.

“i can’t do this, i have to kill you.” your words came out as a desperate whisper, almost like a plea. you don’t even notice the tears that started to well up in the corner of your eyes until alhaitham wiped one that threatened to spill over your cheeks, his gesture gentle and forgiving. no one had ever come this close, no one had ever treated you so softly.

don’t come so close.

“then do it.” was he taunting you? you could never tell. all you know is you can’t pull the trigger on him.

“i can’t.” when did killing someone become so hard after you have taken dozens of lives with your blood-stained hands? your life’s purpose had trails of crimson, remnants of betrayal all over it yet you couldn’t even bear the thought of watching his eyes lose its light.

“why can’t you?” his voice was as soft and kind as his touch—he always speaks to you in such a way, never raising his tone at you, even at this moment.

the words remain stuck on your throat, nothing willingly coming out of your moment and the moment between you two comes into a hush. you can’t even say it; a confession that feels like a sin once it’s uttered out loud.

“say it. just say it, my love, please.” he chokes on his last word and something inside you breaks seeing this state of him. oh, how utterly foolish both of you are for falling.

“don’t do this to me.” your plea turns into a prayer, praying and wishing yet you don’t even know what it is that you are begging for.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[fizzyxcustard]

Something Borrowed (1)

Fandom: North and South (modern AU)

Summary: Requested by the wonderful @dabisburntnut Your eldest sister is getting married and you have been invited. However, your family are quite pushy about hooking you up with someone, so you ask your boss (and friend), John Thornton to go with you. 

Pairings: Modern!John Thornton x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Silliness, insecurity, drunkenness, very slight anxiety mention, slight overweight!reader mention. 

Word count: 1544

Comments/Notes: My newest tag list is still under construction, so by all means send me an ask or message if you want to be added for all fics, a particular series or fandom. I’m using Lucas North as my modern!John Thornton. Come on, it’s RA anyway. ;) 

Music listened to while writing this piece: ASMR video by FredsVoice ASMR on YouTube.

Masterlist of fan fiction here

It was your lunch break. You plopped down in the seat opposite John, your boss and owner of the factory where you worked as his receptionist. “Can I borrow you for the weekend?” you asked, grinning.

John looked up from the stack of papers on his desk and gave a tired smile.

“You bloody well need it by the looks of it,” you said, seeing the dark circles beneath your friend’s eyes. Had John been sleeping at work again? A couple of times you’d come in at half seven, only to find him asleep in his chair, arms and head on the desk.

“Isn’t your sister getting married?” John asked, stretching back in his seat.

“She is, and my mum is pushing at me to take a guest with me, preferably a man,” you sighed.

“Ahh, a means to an end?” John chuckled wryly.

“No. I didn’t say that,” you replied. “I was thinking of asking you before, but you’ve been so snowed under with all these orders and signing them off, and opening up the new factory, I didn’t think you’d want to go. Or have time to. I’m comfortable with you, John. I don’t feel that with many people.”

John couldn’t help but smile shyly at you. “Well, I’m glad you feel like that.”

“The wedding is at some large country townhouse. Most of what my sister tells me just goes in one ear and out the other, so I don’t really know. All I know is that I’m getting a lift up with my auntie and uncle. We don’t want to take too many cars, so we’re all piling in as few as we can.”

John leaned forward in his chair and watched you, your arms moving this way and that as you explained everything to him. He loved watching you gesticulate; you were so passionate and every word you spoke always sounded so heartfelt. You did nothing by half measure. So if he had been invited to such a close family member’s wedding, then you must have really thought a lot of him.

When you left the office, John sighed to himself and leaned back in his chair, looking out the window behind him. His heart was finally beginning to settle back down to its normal rhythm. You always had this effect on him, but he enjoyed every second of it. The only thing he didn’t enjoy was pondering constantly if you actually felt something for him as he did you. Each lunch break you shared with him; you text each other regularly out of work and, a few times, John had even given you a lift to and from work when your car was being repaired.

***

For the next three days, you began searching for your dress. Of course, like you normally did, you left things to the last minute if they were things you didn’t want to do. Seeing your sister get married was not something that particularly bothered you; she had always seemed to dislike you, constantly taking the opposite stance to you in debates, and she made it clear that her life was more complete because she now had a man she was about to marry and had three children from a previous relationship. Her husband to be wasn’t much better either. Most of the time he ignored you, only passing pleasantries because he felt obliged. The saving grace in all of this was John. He would be your comfort and your familiarity. None of your family made sense to you. Your parents were middle-aged, fairly well off, and found more interest in their twice yearly holidays in Spain and Italy. Your two sisters had their own lives to lead now, and you rarely saw them.

It hadn’t come as a surprise that your sister hadn’t chosen you to be a bridesmaid or her maid of honour. Those titles went to your sister’s best friends, more people who looked down on you like you were a piece of excrement they had just trod in.

By the time you chose your dress, it was almost closing time, two days before the big day. You had settled on a lilac strap dress. It was quite modest, simple and wouldn’t (hopefully) bring too much attention to your thicker curves.

***

On the morning of your travel to the wedding venue, you got up and began your normal routine of shower, breakfast and podcasts on your phone. John would be arriving at ten and then your aunt and uncle at eleven to pick you both up. Your uncle was nearing eighty now so you had asked John if he would possibly take over driving half way as the town house was about a two-hour drive away in the middle of nowhere.

Your small suitcase was ready for the two-night stay away. The voice of a kind man spoke into your ears as he discussed ways of combating anxiety and making the most of your life. Listening to podcasts in a morning and journaling always encouraged you to meet the day with a brave face, and today you would desperately need that brave face. The thought of all your judgemental family in one place didn’t particularly please you. If only the earth could open up and you could disappear somewhere for a couple of days.

John arrived at ten promptly. You let him in and closed your eyes, basking in his wonderful aroma as he wafted past you. “Do you want any breakfast?” you asked.

“I already ate before I came out,” he replied. John placed his weekender bag down in the hallway next to your wheelie suitcase.

***

The drive to the venue was quite uneventful. Your uncle Mike drove slowly and you couldn’t help but keep looking across at John from your seat, ready to laugh at the speed. In the middle of you was your five-year-old niece, Lily. She kept looking up at John, grinning.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Lily asked you.

“No, he’s my friend,” you replied, blushing hard.

“Come on now, dear. You’d make a lovely couple,” your aunt Janet chuckled.

John folded his arms and looked out of the car window. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for him; his long legs made him look incredibly uncomfortable, as though he had been folded over many times to fit in the car.

“You should be looking for a nice husband, you know?” uncle Mike said, looking at you through the review mirror. “Mr. Thornton here seems like a good match.”

“Can we just change topic, please?” you insisted. “I think you’re embarrassing him.”

“We didn’t mean anything by it,” aunt Janet replied, sounding sad for upsetting you both.

Once you had arrived at the large house, the grounds covered in acres of trees, plantations and fountains, you all grabbed your belongings from the car and began a steady walk to the hotel which was situated just behind.

Lily held your hand, and for the first time you wondered why she had been forced to come with you. Why hadn’t she gone with your mum and dad? Not that you minded your niece coming along, but it seemed quite harsh breaking her up from her siblings. At least she was with family.

“Auntie (y/n)?” Lily asked politely.

“Yes, sweets?”

She beckoned you down with her small hand so she could whisper in your ear. Her high pitched, melodic voice became low in your ear. “Can you ask Mr. Thornton to dance with me?”

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” you replied, looking over at John.

“Pardon?” John asked, still looking a little uncomfortable and out of place.

“Lily was asking if you’d dance with her at the reception.”

John bent down to the little blonde haired girl and smiled. “You’ll be first on my list,” he said.

The sight of John interacting with your niece made you feel something warm in your chest and it spread outward through you.

“Come on, darlings,” aunt Janet called.

The hotel behind the main venue was a lot more modern, having television screens in the reception and plenty of coffee machines. “Hello,” a well set, dark-haired man said, offering you all a smile. He was dressed in a black suit and you noticed the name Peter on his name badge. “You must be part of the group for the wedding planned for this weekend?”

“We are,” aunt Janet said.

You still kept hold of Lily’s hand and watched John avert his gaze towards the door, as though he wanted to disappear and never be seen again.

“You’ve all been booked into rooms. Can I take all of your names, please?” Peter asked.

Of course you knew that Lily would have to check in properly with her mum and dad, who were strangely absent. Considering that your uncle drove so slow, you seemed to be the first group who had arrived.

Peter then turned to you and John. “I see we just have a ‘plus one’ for you, Sir,” he told John. “But can we take a name.”

“John Thornton.”

“That has all been checked for you. A king-size room is now available for you both.”

You blanched. “Is that one bed or two?” you asked.

“It’s one large bed.”

Oh, shit!

Main tag list: @shikin83​ @deepestfirefun​ @emrfangirl​ @dabisburntnut​ @aspookybunny​ @karlthecat15722​ @tigereyesf​ @swoopswishsward​ @sunnysidesidra @la-meneur-louve​ @moony-artnstuff​ @mama-tole-me-not-2-come​ @wolfavatar17​ @morganofthecoves1​ @narnvaeron​ @hobbitoferebor​ @meganlpie​ @thequeenoferebor​ @mynameisnoneya1991​ @jumpingmanatee​ @xxbyimm​ @annewoods91 @nowiloveandwilllove​ @inhabitant-of-the-void​ @thorinthehottotty​ @rachel1959​ @reinabell​ @paracosmfantasy​ @blankdblank​ @sherala007​ @creativelyquestioninglife​ @c-s-stars​ @phyreblue​ @middleearthmama​ @luna-xial​ 

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 16

Chapters: 16/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15]

Right in the middle of mild renovations, and Martin moving into the loft, Gerry has a showcase sneak up on him.

They're in the very chaotic process of turning three lives into one and it's unfortunate timing, but he's willing to cope to have his partners close at hand.

Jon is also in the process of moving in, but more slowly, having kept his flat for an extra month, hoping to ease the chaos. Two cats and several duplicate pieces of furniture clutter the space, and everything is just a bit out of sorts.

Gerry's showcases are an odd thing. As an anonymous artist, working under a pseudonym, he doesn't technically have to go to his shows, but Gertrude likes for him to be around, and she tells everyone he's one of her assistants so he can attend without a fuss. No one ever takes any notice and he gets to watch people react to his paintings with absolutely no idea that he's present. It's an odd feeling that often leaves him disquiet, but he never regrets going. As an artist, there's nothing better than seeing your art on display, with just the right environment and just the right lighting.

This time, he also has a bit of a plan brewing.

Feeling truly rooted in the foundations of their relationship after more than a year, Gerry presents Jon and Martin with very fancy, formal invitations, complete with a bow and a suggestive wink.

“Will you be my companions for the evening, gentlemen?” Gerry seems to be doing a very pompous impression of Elias, which sends Jon into instant hysterics.

While he’s distracted, Martin pulls Gerry close and they swing around the room, mimicking some kind of waltz, before bashing into a table and then a couch. They cut their losses and simply kiss breathlessly in the middle of the laughter.

"So," Gerry asks them when they've all settled down and gone back to trying to install the new storage cabinets. "What do you think? Want to be my plus two?"

Jon laughs sweetly from nearby, a screwdriver in hand. "I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we wouldn't miss it for anything."

***

There's a fair amount of chaos as the day approaches, Gerry trying to complete and send off several final pieces while Martin and Jon frantically search for their formal wear in the boxes that currently pass for their wardrobes.

Eventually giving up on trying to organize the walk-in closet to accommodate all three of them, Gerry and Tim drag both Jon and Martin's armoires up the stairs and they all unpack their clothes in their own wardrobes.

This is a rather tumultuous activity, which somehow ends with Tim shirtless and Gerry wearing a bright teal and pink Hawaiian shirt, open over a black lace bralette. No one even tries to guess where the bralette comes from, but Gerry decides he likes it, and Jon eyes him approvingly.

"You should wear that to the opening, Gerry," Martin suggests provocatively from nearby. "Give your own art some competition."

Gerry smirks at him. "I think you should come over here and say that to my face."

"Oh God, can I watch?" Tim asks a hopeful excitement not quite masked by the humour.

Jon manages to sneak a sweet candid of Gerry and Martin laughing with Tim, all looking like they showed up to different parties. Overcome to see his two partners and his best friend all so happy together, Jon decides it might be his favourite thing ever.

***

In the end, their suits are unearthed, wrinkled but intact. They send them off to be dry cleaned right in the nick of time.

The night before his event, in a pique of creative mania, Gerry dyes his hair alone at 3 A.M. Martin and Jon wake up to find his hair a slightly blotchy silver-grey, which they both coo over lustily.

Jon gently helps him even it out, and by the time his hair is clean and dry again, he looks striking and angular. In his dark blue trousers and well-fitted waistcoat, eyeliner and piercings in place, he looks downright picturesque himself- a work of art who also happens to create works of art.

Jon has a favourite black suit with a very faint pinstripe pattern, which he wears with a green waistcoat and matching green tie, to compliment his mossy eyes. His white shirt contrasts pleasantly against his tawny skin and even he agrees that he looks rather handsome.

Martin owns exactly one suit- it's a light grey colour just a little too cool to flatter his summery skin tone, and it doesn't fit quite right through the shoulders, if he's being honest. Gerry gently encourages him to wear his trousers and crisp white shirt with a warm maroon sweater. It's soft cashmere, made even softer (according to Martin's poetic side) by the fact that his lover's gave it to him for Christmas. Gerry's artist eye managed to pick out precisely the right shade to compliment his warm brown eyes and pink hair, and the ensemble leaves him looking quite lovely.

He eyes his bow ties indecisively, and Jon wanders over and hands him a dark blue-grey one with tiny white dots. He even ties it for Martin, and he offers a sweet kiss in exchange.

“You look splendid,” Jon remarks, pulling Martin carefully towards him by the elbows before pressing their lips together chastely. They kiss for several moments, lips dragging together pleasantly. Jon runs his hands down Martin’s forearms to tangle their fingers together, where they fit together snuggly.

Martin sighs as they part, all outfit uncertainty having fled. “What was that for?”

“I just couldn’t help myself.” Jon chuckles, grinning. “I see a stunning man, I have to kiss him.”

“So it’s not because my dotty bow tie fills you with incandescent joy?” Martin presses their foreheads together, simply basking in Jon’s presence.

“Everything about you fills us with incandescent joy,” Jon whispers to him. “Especially the way you can make the perfect cup of tea."

“And,” Gerry adds, coming up to place a hand at the small of Martin’s back. “The way that you can remember the love story from every book you’ve ever read.”

“I-” Martin laughs sweetly at them, blushing fiercely. “You guys.’’

They all stand together for a moment, each looking spectacular in their own ways, soft looks on their faces. Gerry vaguely wishes this was the whole day, that he could just stand here with his lovers and convince Martin that he is the most perfect man on earth. He wishes he could just tease Jon until he snaps and tries to tickle Gerry to death, and they would end up all rolling around the floor, ignoring the many extra pieces of furniture currently occupying the flat.

Gerry wishes for these soft and special moments and knows that there will be a million more of them as time goes on and that the moment coming will (hopefully) be perfect in its own way.

They each share a kiss with the others, then they grab their things and make their way downstairs, excited and jubilant, all laughter and easy affection. They pile into a cab together and Gerry tells them stories of past showcases, full of ridiculous moments and strange pride at his impossible artistic success.

The second they arrive, Gerry is summoned away and with a wink and a grin, he’s gone. Martin and Jon exchange a smile, joining hands and moving through the gentle crowd. There are plenty of people in attendance already, but the sorts of people who go to galleries are the quiet sort, and there isn’t a lot of boisterous energy flying about.

They wander around, finding many paintings which they have seen Gerry working on over the last year, and unsurprisingly, several they’ve never caught a glimpse of.

Sometimes Gerry will work on a painting for weeks and then keep it around for months, looking at it every day, and then other times he'll paint an entire piece in 18 hours, decide he never wants to see it again and send it straight to Gertrude for safekeeping.

It’s all a part of his creative rhythms, and they’ve long since grown accustomed to it.

The gallery itself is a series of thin rooms, with a bench down the middle for extended viewings. Each is filled with four paintings, even if they are wildly different sizes. They seem to be arranged by vague categories, but Jon and Martin are amused to see that a 3D piece made mostly out of torn book pages and painted to appear aflame is hung across from an oil painting of a colony of seals swimming across a galaxy in the night sky.

Gerry reappears at intervals, whispering secrets to them as they consider one piece or another. At the painting of a siren singing longingly to a falling comet, Gerry whispers something into Martin's ear which makes him smirk in a way that fills Jon with burning curiosity. Instead of sharing with him as well, Gerry pecks him on the cheek and then dashes off at the behest of a harassed looking assistant of Gertrude’s.

“What did he say?” Jon implores Martin softly after he’s gone again.

“Apparently he was thinking of us in a very specific way while he painted that one.” Martin is still grinning smugly.

“Ah,” Jon says, nodding. “Naked?”

“Very naked.”

“You know, I rather imagined that was what he was always thinking of while he painted.” Jon confesses.

“Really? That’s a lot of imagined nudity.” Martin whispers, threatening to spill over with laughter.

“Well-” Jon bristles slightly. “We’re very nice to look at naked, like- like muses!” He finishes triumphantly.

“A point well made, love.” Martin concedes.

He drags Martin to the next room after that, and they find it to be the final part of the exhibit.

There are only two paintings here, a matched pair of the same size, sitting on the end wall side by side. They’re another two neither of them has ever seen before, and Jon draws Martin to sit on the bench and simply absorb the art together. Their hands are twined, and they feel rather overwhelmed with unspeakable emotion.

There are a pair of matching sold signs beneath them, bold and unmissable.

Gerry finds them sitting there, and he sits himself on the other side of Martin, gently taking his other hand.

“Oh, Gerry.” Martin eventually whispers, awe-struck.

“Do you like them?” Gerry squeezes his hand, and Jon reaches over Martin to tangle his fingers in the pile. It’s messy, just the way they all like it.

“Very, very much,” Martin affirms.

“Gerry, they’re spectacular.” Jon offers his appreciation. “How did you get them done without us ever seeing them? They’re huge.”

“I finished them months ago, before we spent so many nights all together, then I kept them in the storerooms before I shipped them off to Gertrude,” Gerry explains. “I wanted you to see them here, like this, for the first time.”

“Why?” Martin asks, voice full of warm curiosity.

“It's the way you each make me feel, and I wanted you both to have this moment, to see them displayed to their best potential,” Gerry whispers to them, the space feeling sacred and private, despite the people wandering the gallery around them. "It seemed more poignant than simply saying 'I love you,' back in the days before we said those words so easily."

"I can't imagine being filled with so much talent that I could just…" Jon begins, voice laden with unexpected emotional fragility.

Martin continues for him, "Paint the way you love someone?"

They don't notice, but Gerry actually blushes, hot embarrassment and pleasure filling him in equal parts. His voice is smooth and clear, mercifully, as he starts his explanation.

“Martin, yours is that moment of dawn breaking, out somewhere that there are no other people. Maybe you feel alone, but you never feel lonely, because the sun is rising and it reminds you that the world always moves at its own rhythm. Like sometimes I haven't seen you in a while but I walk into the bookstore or you come through the door, and your smile fills my heart, as steady and unchanging as the rise and fall of the sun in the sky.”

The painting in question rather does convey that feeling, a foggy moor stretching towards a tree-lined horizon, dawn breaking and bringing light and warmth to the cool edges of the space. Darkness sits in the corners, but it only serves to enhance the light, drawing the eye towards the sweet sunrise.

Gerry continues, this time focusing on the darker painting, an intricate stained glass window refracting down, colourful light filling a room with books stacked haphazardly everywhere. “Jon, yours represents what it’s like to try navigating our relationship together. The books are not sorted or organized and they can be tricky to understand, but the comfort and ease of that familiarity can still fill me with peace in the most unexpected moments. The light is colourful and ever-changing, both a familiarity and yet always shifting to suit our moods and seasons together.”

"Constant, but never the same," Jon whispers in return, and Gerry is pleased to hear he knows the feeling.

They simply sit with each other a moment, the sheer scope of their emotions filling them up with warmth and a sort of profound understanding that just doesn’t come from simple words. It’s a gesture as wild and unexpected as Gerry himself, and Jon and Martin bask in it.

“They're breathtaking, love.” Martin declares, turning to him. “It's a pity they're sold. I suppose we couldn't afford them anyway, but I wish I could buy them.”

Gerry grins, pleased. “They were never for sale. They're only here to be displayed. They're gifts. I was hoping- that is, I hope you and Jon will accept them. I painted them to go in your studies in the loft.”

“They're for us?” Jon murmurs incredulously.

“Yes, as a way for me to express just how much I adore you both,” Gerry confirms, giggling a bit at his own words. “How could I pour so much love into paintings, and let them live with anyone else?”

“I’m glad you couldn’t because I love them so much,” Martin tells him earnestly.

“I feel the same,” Jon adds, voice gentle.

“They’re- They’re the best things I've ever made. I’m so glad you like them.” Gerry whispers, surprised to find himself overcome with a hot swell of emotion.

They continue to sit together, hands tangled, lives knit together. Hope and certainty, two emotions none of them have ever been allowed to indulge in, blanket around them, cementing this moment forever.

[what-my-bones-said]

ALL OF THEM WHORE

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? shy but a good student

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? glass cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? I mean probably preppy because of how I dress for teaching?

7. earbuds or headphones? Headphones

8. movies or tv shows? tv shows 

9. favorite smell in the summer? suntan lotion 

10. game you were best at in p.e.? the game where I lost early and got to stand on the side and watch 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? right now, cereal. Usually, oatmeal or fried eggs. 

12. name of your favorite playlist? My country playlist on spotify

13. lanyard or key ring? lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? sour patch kids 

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? The Things they Carried by Tim O’Brien

16. most comfortable position to sit in? nothing, I am constantly changing the position I sit in. I can’t sit still

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? My Sperrys or my white crocs

18. ideal weather? Sunny with a nice warm breeze

19. sleeping position? on my side typically but I move a lot at night

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? notebook with a pen-- but usually I write on my phone because it’s convenient 

21. obsession from childhood? umm.. I don’t know? If I had any?

22. role model? My mom

23. strange habits? watching pimple popping videos

24. favorite crystal? Celestine 

25. first song you remember hearing? Zombie by The Cranberries

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Bask in the sun and drink

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Curl up in a ball and watch tv bc I hate the cold

28. five songs to describe you? That describe me?? Okay. We’ll try. Man! I Feel Like a Woman-Shania Twain. I Don’t Wanna Be-Gavin Degraw. Who I Am- Jessica Andrews. She Keeps Me Warm-Mary Lambert. This is Me- The Greatest Showman Soundtrack 

29. best way to bond with you? Deep conversations, lots of snacks, and good beer

30. places that you find sacred? the docks at mount holyoke, the woods leading up to the docks

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? ooo... khakis, pink button down, and blazer OR a kick ass dress, depending on the mood. 

32. top five favorite vines? “LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS.” , It’s an avocado! Thanks!”, “I SMELL LIKE BEEEEF”, “THAT’S MY OPINION”, “That’s what good pussy sounds like”

33. most used phrase in your phone? “I love you” & Yikes bikes

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? WOW that’s a low price! 

35. average time you fall asleep? 11:00

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? The baby one? idk honestly 

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase is easier to carry 

38. lemonade or tea? tea but i love me some lemonade 

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon meringue pie 

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? my senior year for part of our senior prank my friend brought a keg full of mountain dew to school and people did keg stands in the parking lot

41. last person you texted? wifey 

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets 

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? love a good cardi

44. favorite scent for soap? i have a new mango one that I really like 

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? sweatpants and a big tshirt/longsleeve in the winter, basketball shorts in the summer. 

47. favorite type of cheese? ooo... I’m going to go with goats cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? A pomegranate-- i will explain only if asked.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “We have to create. It is the only thing louder than destruction” -Andrea Gibson

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? idk my wife says a lot of funny things

51. current stresses? not being able to fly and see my wife, my kids not being in the classroom for the rest of the year... basically the state of the world.

52. favorite font? I’m a boring hoe that loves Times New Roman... also into Playfair though. 

53. what is the current state of your hands? Dry as hell and not holding my wife’s... so... not good. 

54. what did you learn from your first job? That not everybody has the same opportunities as me and I should be thankful that I was able to get a college education....

also that drive thru sucks and you should appreciate fast food workers bc their job is shit. 

55. favorite fairy tale? Hansel and Gretel is fun

56. favorite tradition? Christmas party at my parent’s house

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? My grandmother dying is my biggest one, and the struggle of having anxiety is one I’m constantly trying to overcome

58. four talents you’re proud of having? poetry writing, I guess I can sing?, and act a little bit?, teaching-- because I feel like it is a talent

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? absolutely no idea.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Something like Ouran High School Host Club

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?  “There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose.”- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein 

62. seven characters you relate to? Tina from Bob’s Burgers, Piggie from the Elephant and Piggie books, Rory from Gilmore Girls, Part of Monica from Friends, parts of Joey from Friends, Linda from Bob’s Burgers, Oscar the Grouch from Seasame Street

63. five songs that would play in your club? Yeah!-Usher, Dancing Queen- ABBA, Man! I Feel Like a Woman- Shania Twain, Maneater- Nelly Furtado, Work it- Missy Elliot 

64. favorite website from your childhood? Addicting Games

65. any permanent scars? A small scar on my wrist from burning myself on the oven

66. favorite flower(s)? Lilies 

67. good luck charms? My wife

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? GRAPE

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Otters hold hands

70. left or right handed? right handed 

71. least favorite pattern? Paisley 

72. worst subject? Math

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Ketchup and Mac and Cheese... not really flavors but 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth? no idea

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? how could I ever pick a favorite potato food when I love them all equally? Except tater tots. Tater tots can go away. 

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Cactus 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Sush 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones? earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? fireflies 

82. pc or console? pc 

83. writing or drawing? writing

84. podcasts or talk radio? podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket? POLLY POCKET 

85. fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies

87. your greatest fear? plane crash

88. your greatest wish? world peace? also to be living on the same continent as my wife

89. who would you put before everyone else? my wife and my family 

90. luckiest mistake? no clue

91. boxes or bags? bags 

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? fairy lights

93. nicknames? my dad calls me gert (like gertrude) 

94. favorite season? fall

95. favorite app on your phone? My homescapes app 

96. desktop background? just the blue windows background. I’m boring and should change that 

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? three including mine 

98. favorite historical era? Renaissance? 

[popculty]

Represent Spoiler Special: Wakanda Forever!

Weekly-ish transcriptions of Slate’s Represent podcast for the deaf and hard of hearing. This is a labor of love. Please share!

First up, we’ve got a spoiler-filled, all-black roundtable discussion of Black Panther. Enjoy!

[The following podcast contains explicit language.]

Aisha Harris: Hello, and welcome to another Slate Spoiler Special. I’m Aisha Harris, Slate culture writer and host of Represent, and this week we’re spoiling Black Panther.

T’Challa: Shuri!

Shuri: Brother!

T’Challa: Turn on the train on the bottom track.

Shuri: The stabilizers will deactivate your suit! You won’t have protection!

T’Challa: Neither will he.

Shuri: Okay!

[gadget beeps]

AH: Here to talk with me about the film are Slate’s chief political correspondent, Jamelle Bouie – Hello, Jamelle.

Jamelle Bouie: Hi, Aisha.

AH: And Represent producer – my producer – Veralyn Williams. Hello, Veralyn.

Veralyn Williams: Hey, girl, hey! [both laugh]

AH: Okay. So, this is probably the most anticipated cultural event for black people of the year. [Veralyn laughs] It’s a big frickin’ deal. And before we even get into spoiling it, I would love to just hear ya’lls’ initial thoughts. Now, I know that Jamelle and Veralyn, you saw it more recently than I did. It’s been more than a week since I’ve seen it, so I’m still basking in the glow of everything, but it’s not as fresh in my mind as it is for you, so Veralyn, why don’t we start with you.

VW: I went in very excited, but I was also trying to remind myself not to go in with too high of expectations. I was a little nervous about being disappointed. And I can honestly say that, if possible, it exceeded my expectations. And I’m sitting here like, “We’re cool critics, we shouldn’t be excited about things.” But this movie was… It was so beautiful. The storyline stayed with me the whole time. I’m not a huge superhero fan because I sometimes feel like there’s a lot of kicking and screaming and action stuff and not enough dialogue, but it didn’t disappoint on that level. And you know, I’m Sierra Leonian-American, and it tackled deep issues that I wasn’t expecting from a superhero film.

AH: Mm-hmm. What about you, Jamelle?

JB: I was also very enthusiastic about it. Upon leaving the theater, I’ve been thinking a lot about it because I’ve been writing about it for Slate, but also just my own kind of trying to absorb what I witnessed. And the two things that stand out the most to me about the movie are that I don’t think I’ve seen a world this fully-realized on screen, at least not in a superhero movie, ever. I think I’ve seen the vast majority of films in this genre of superhero movies, and there’s just nothing like Wakanda. And the visual style and the fact that it lives and breathes like every other character in the movie – That to me is just really striking. The second thing is just how political this movie is. I was not expecting that whatsoever. Most superhero movies deal either not in ideas at all, or they deal with ideas in this very sort of high-conceptual way, like the Nolan Batman movies. But I feel like Black Panther is actually dealing with concrete political ideas in a provocative way. And I’ll be very interested to see how mainstream movie-going audiences react to them.

AH: Yeah. The politics are something we can definitely get into to. I was also struck by that, and I walked away from it thinking, “There are gonna be some white people who are not gonna be happy with this movie.” [laughs]

VW: Were there any white women, besides the one that dies right at the top? In the whole film? I don’t think so.

AH: [laughs] Uhhh, no…And there were only really two prominent white guys involved--

VW: The villain and the token, which usually is reserved for the people of color.

AH: Right! Right. So, this was very much unlike other superhero movies, I think. Jamelle, you are definitely, I think out of all of us, the one who’s most aware of these things, but it does seem like this was definitely a case where they went into a completely different world. I think maybe the Thor movies are also similar to that, where they’re like in a completely different world, and it’s not all necessarily taking place here in America. And there’s no real crossover with the other Marvel movies, it just kind of stands on its own, so I really appreciated that.

JB: The Thor movies also take place in a fantastical place of Asgard, the Guardians of the Galaxy movies take place in outer space. But Asgard feels very sterile in those movies and the Guardians of the Galaxy films are taking place in sterile landscapes. It’s a very contained, closed world, and thinking to other franchises as well, there really is nothing like the scope of Wakanda. Every time Wakanda is on screen, something’s happening in every little corner on the frame. The closest comparison point I have for it is the first Star Wars movie, in terms of a cinematic world that feels completely lived in.

AH: By that you mean, A New Hope, not…

JB: Right. [laughs] I do not mean the prequels.

AH: Or The Force Awakens.

JB: No.

AH: So, let’s actually just get into the nitty-gritty of what’s happening here and what exactly Wakanda is and what it means. As someone who has not seen any of the Captain America movies, this is my first introduction to Black Panther the character--

VW: Same.

AH: --on screen at all. Because Chadwick Boseman popped up in, is it the last Avengers?

JB: It was the last Captain America movie - Captain America: Civil War.

AH: Right. So, I feel safe saying that even if you’re not familiar with it, it does a good job of setting things up – I think to some extent, to its detriment; That was one of my issues with it, was that it felt like it took a while to get into the beginning of it. Let’s actually just start off with where it begins, and Jamelle, I will volley that over to you, since you are familiar with Black Panther the comic and how that translates from there to the screen.

JB: Right. So the movie begins with sort of a quick pre-history of Wakanda. Wakanda is a central African nation, very tiny. Sometime in the distant past a meteor that was made of a fictional material called vibranium hits the location where Wakanda is, and the tribes that are in that location – all but one tribe, the Jabari, which pops up a plot point in the movie – join together to build a civilization centered around this metal. This metal basically is magic in the Marvel Universe. It is virtually indestructible, it can become all different kinds of other materials, it can be woven into materials, and it sort of has special properties that the Wakandans have basically figured out over the course of thousands of years. They’ve been using it and studying it. It’s worth noting that in the context of the Marvel Universe, Captain America’s shield, which is also a strangely magical creation, is made of vibranium.

VW: I thought about that. And so the white superhero’s secret weapon was made from stolen vibranium? Is that brought up in any way in Captain America, that it’s from Wakanda?

JB: I think it’s touched on in the first Captain America, or maybe Iron Man 2…It’s a very minor point in one of the earlier movies, and this hasn’t really been addressed in the MCU, but in the comic books it is canon that yeah, during the second World War, some vibranium was stolen from Wakanda, and that’s what became Captain America’s shield. Anyway, the very beginning of the movie rushes through “this is what Wakanda is,” “this is what the Black Panther is.” He’s the protector of Wakanda,  he gets his powers from a special herb that represents the panther god. And after that quick prehistory we are dropped in Oakland, California in 1992, and that’s where the film really takes off.

AH: Right, and we have our first glimpse of one of the many stars in this movie, and that is Sterling K. Brown playing King T’Chaka’s brother. And it seems he is doing something illegal with another character…

VW: This is in the midst of maybe the Rodney King riot era? Am I correct in making that assumption, Jamelle?

AH: Well, 1992…

JB: Right, it’s not in LA--

VW: It’s in Oakland.

JB: It’s quite a ways away, but that’s the atmosphere, yeah.

VW: It seems clear that he is a Black Power revolutionary of some sort. So there’s a knock on the door and the other guy that’s with him looks out the peephole and says--

AH: “Yo, there’s two Grace Jones-looking chicks outside.”

VW: [laughs] One of many beautiful lines.

AH: And so of course N’Jobu is like, “You better not make them knock twice.” And they open the door and in come these beautiful black women wearing African garb--

VW: Designed by the one and only Ruth Carter, who’s been on the show.

AH: Who’s been on Represent, yes. And they enter with T’Chaka and T’Chaka is upset because N’Jobu has been going behind his back, and this is what I wasn’t very clear about, what exactly he was trying to do…

VW: My understanding is that he is the inside person that got the vibranium stolen. He was how they figured out how to steal the vibranium from Wakanda.

JB: He was in Oakland as basically one of Wakanda’s emissary spies, keeping an eye on things and reporting back to Wakanda because Wakanda’s cloistered away from the world.

AH: And this is the first time we see something that we see throughout the movie, which is people revealing that they are actually Wakandan, because there is some confusion or deceptiveness sometimes happening. So [N’Jobu] and the other characters will peel back their bottom lip to reveal a glowing code, which indicates that they are Wakandan. And it turns out that [N’Jobu’s] friend is also Wakandan and had actually been spying on N’Jobu for T’Chaka. Then what happens?

VW: Then he’s like, “You betrayed us. We’re going to take you back so you can face whoever to get your judgment.” And N’Jobu goes to kill Forest Whitaker’s…What’s his name?

JB: The actor is Denzel Whitaker.

AH: Is that his son?

JB: Yeah, it’s Forest Whitaker’s son.

VW: Whaaaaaat?!

AH: I thought they looked alike! I was like, “That is really good casting!” So anyway, Denzel Whitaker’s character has been spying on N’Jobu, Sterling K. Brown’s character.

VW: So he goes to kill the person who’s been spying on him and T’Chaka is not having it and ends up killing his own brother. And then he leaves him there.

JB: Two things should be noted. The first is that [N’Jobu] hadn’t just helped someone steal some vibranium, but the thief – a character named Ulysses Klaue – ended up killing a bunch of Wakandans in the course of that, so [N’Jobu] helped assist a really horrendous terrorism. And the second thing is that witnessing the Wakandan ship arrive in Oakland is a little boy, who is revealed to be [N’Jobu’s] son.

AH: So that takes us to only the first ten minutes of this movie. [all laugh] So let’s keep going. We cut to then the present day…

JB: We’re in Wakanda, or not quite Wakanda, but in a Wakandan aircraft carrying T’Challa, Black Panther, played by Chadwick Boseman and his general, the chief of the royal guard played by Danai Gurira, who stars in The Walking Dead. They’re on some kind of mission – T’Challa is trying to contact and retrieve a spy, Nakia, played by Lupita Nyong’o, who herself is in the midst of a mission, what looks like trying to save some women from human trafficking. And what ensues is the first taste of action in the movie. The Black Panther drops down from the ship, startles the convoy of soldiers, and together with Nakia they save these women, stop these soldiers, and Nakia is brought on the ship where she is informed that T’Chaka, T’Challa’s father, the king, has died (which was the inciting incident of Captain America: Civil War), and that T’Challa is about to perform the ceremony that will elevate him to the throne of Wakanda.

AH: Yeah, a lot happens. We have T’Challa returning to Wakanda with Okoye and Nakia, and they’re being greeted by the wonderful Angela Bassett, who is playing his mother, and they are also greeted by his sister—

VW: Shuri, played by Letitia Wright, who is new and was such a breath of fresh air.

JB: Oh, she’s delightful.

AH: She stole basically this entire movie. She’s kind of the very spunky, very smart sister. She’s the tech wizard, she’s designing all the weapons, she designed the suit for her brother…

VW: She says, “Just because something is good doesn’t mean you can’t make it better,” and I was just like, “That is a word.”

AH: She’s just so delightful and it’s great to see that banter with the two of them. The other thing we should talk about is the romance between Nakia and Black Panther. We also see in this scene that they’ve had a thing in the past, and there might be a thing happening again, but we never really find out exactly tore them apart before.

VW: I think this is the first rumblings of the political tension. She wants to be out there doing good, helping other Africans outside of Wakanda, whereas T’Challa was the heir to the throne, and is now King, and way more concerned about Wakanda and making sure that where they live is taken care of.

JB: Can I just add real quickly that in the lead-up to this we see these great aerial vistas of Wakanda, we see the Wakandan countryside, we see the city…

VW: We see baskets! You know, the African baskets that you see in every African market today, which is so cool to see.

JB: Right, but what is so crazy about this movie is that it’s not just a superhero movie, but you could easily spin it off into like an African Game of Thrones, because this sparks the period where we’re meeting various members of the royal court. When T’Challa takes part in the ceremony where he becomes king we are introduced to this wide range of characters from every region of Wakanda, and each one of them is someone who I would happily watch a movie about.

AH: Now that T’Chaka has passed, [T’Challa] is going to be heir to the throne, but before he becomes the heir we have to see if he’s going to be challenged by someone else from either their tribe or from other tribes. And it’s really, really beautiful the way it’s set up: It’s on a cliff that’s kind of encaved, and you see all the families, the different tribes, different garbs, different colors, different markings on their bodies depending on what tribe they’re from. They spend a decent amount of time in this moment, and it’s the Jabari tribe from the mountains that actually challenges Black Panther, and watching that scene I was like, ”How is this movie rated PG-13?” Because it was very brutal.

JB: Yeah, I have my criticisms of some of the action of this movie, especially towards the end, but this fight scene is brutal and intimate and I was legitimately a bit disturbed throughout at how genuinely threatened T’Challa felt in the midst of it.

AH: Yeah, I feel like it was a bit much for me. I usually am totally fine with these types of action sequences, but I think part of it is just that usually when we see violence it’s high-tech weapons, it’s guns, it’s blah blah blah, but with this, it was fists and spears, and you’re seeing things go into bodies, and pounding heads on ground. I don’t watch Game of Thrones, but I imagine this is kind of what Game of Thrones is like. It felt very Game of Thrones-y in terms of the type of violence we were witnessing.

VW: I think there was also something about the value of life, you know, something about the way they were fighting made you see that every hit, every punch, every thrust was for a purpose, whereas in other action movies, someone gets shot and then they die and you move on. It kind of lessens that person’s value in the world, and there was something about the way that they were fighting that made me acknowledge that if someone were to die, it would be through a purpose-driven motive and – spoiler! – he doesn’t die, he almost kills the Jabari challenger, but he spares him.

JB: Two quick thoughts: First, my friends, the thing you are describing is the wonderful thing about good action choreography.

VW: [laughs] I know. I know.

JB: Truly good action choreography isn’t just showing fighting. It’s showing character, helping advance plot and story. We learn something about both T’Challa and M’Baku through the fight, and you don’t really see that very often in these kinds of movies. The second thing I want to say is that M’Baku is kind of an infamous character in Black Panther –  More in the comic books, and especially in the original issues in the 60s. He was a character called Man-Ape, which is as--

VW: --Er?

JB: [laughs] –iffy…

AH: Well, in the movie they’re also like gorillas, essentially.

VW: Oh yeah, they’re like, “Hoo hoo hoo hoo!” Like, that’s their chant, right?

JB: What I really admire about the movie is that they were able to take this character who, in its original form is kind of racist, and actually not just transform him, but make him and his tribe part of this coherent world. And while they seem threatening, are fundamentally part of it and not some sort of weird character. Because I could easily imagine it in much lesser hands being disastrous.

AH: So he spares M’Baku’s life and Black Panther is now the King. And I guess we’re at a point where we get the sort of weaving in of Michael B. Jordan’s character.

VW: The very good-looking Michael B. Jordan.

AH: Yes, yes. Wearing those beautiful glasses. Michael B. Jordan’s character is Erik Killmonger. He helps steel vibranium from a museum in London, and soon Okoye I think is alerted?

JB: The Wakandan royal court is informed that vibranium has been found out in the world and that it’s in the possession of Klaue, their old nemesis. And here is when we get a bit of conflict with them in court. One of the members of the court played by Daniel Kaluuya, a close friend of T’Challa, his family died in the terrorist attack perpetrated by Klaue years back. He agrees that T’Challa should don the Black Panther garb and go after Klaue, and he says to him, “You need to either kill him or bring him back for justice. There is no other choice here.” That’s our next big action set piece, which takes place in Busan, South Korea.

AH: I love this montage. I thought it was really, really great. And again, it’s so rare to see movies where white people are just in the background. But you have these African people going to South Korea, and the way they interact… Nakia knows her way around because she obviously gets out more than the others do, and so she actually knows where Klaue is gonna be. It’s not a speakeasy per se, but it’s sort of a secret. You have to know the code or know the woman at the front who‘s selling fish. It’s a market outside and inside it’s a giant Casino Royale deal, and this is where the exchange is supposed to go down between Klaue and the person who is going to buy the vibranium. It felt very James Bond-y because they’re all communicating with each other via comms and just like, “I have eyes on him, twelve o’clock.”

VW: And here’s where we meet our other token white person, Everett K. Ross played by Martin Freeman, who is a CIA agent from the United States. And he’s the person who is buying the vibranium from Klaue, and immediately he recognizes T’Challa when he walks in and he’s like, “What are you doing here?” Jamelle, do they meet in a different series? I get the feeling that he knew that he was Black Panther.

JB: Yes. Captain America: Civil War, which came out in 2016, is kind of the prequel for this movie in a lot of ways. I actually recommend watching it you haven’t. It’s pretty good, I think a top-tier Marvel movie. And there’s sort of three plot lines in the movie, and the B plot is about T’Challa and Black Panther hunting down the Winter Soldier, who he believes killed his father. And so in all that, Martin Freeman’s character is introduced in that film, and that’s how they meet. That’s the backstory there.

VW: That’s good to know.

AH: So Everett’s not happy that Black Panther is there, he’s blown up his spot. Eventually what happens is Klaue shows up, he has the vibranium in a suitcase, he makes a weird crack – Oh, he walks in with four or five other people, these big hulking guys, and Everett says to him, “What are you releasing a mix tape or something?” I loved that part. And then the deal does not go as planned. We get an intense shootout  between Nakia and Okoye and Black Panther, which turns into a giant chase scene that I also thought was really well played.

VW: Highly entertaining.

AH: Yes, there were multiple cars happening. You had Okoye and Nakia in one car, Black Panther was sort of jumping from car to car...

VW: No, he was in a car that was being controlled by his sister in Wakanda.

AH: Oh, right! That’s probably worth explaining, how Shuri is in Wakanda and she was remote controlling a car, and so he was in the car alongside her. And so a chase ensues between them that I thought was just really well done.

JB: Car chases are really hard to do. A lot of them are poorly edited and you don’t get a sense of motion and who’s where and what they’re doing, but I thought this was a very competently-directed car chase, and it was a great showcase for everyone. You saw what Klaue could do, you got a taste of Black Panther’s agility and strength – There’s a great moment where the car he is on is about to run into a wreck and he jumps to the side of the car and uses his strength and weight to give it a sharp cut left to keep on with the chase.

AH: It reminded me sort of sailing a boat, in a way. I don’t know why, but I thought of Moana.

VW: You would think of a Disney movie.

AH: Well, look, this is a Disney movie too. [all laugh] Anyway.

JB: And Okoye has some really great moments too, using her spear.

AH: Planting that spear in the ground…Yeah, it was great.

JB: After the chase they’re able to stop Klaue. T’Challa is about to kill him right there but there are people watching, so he takes him to a CIA holding cell where Everett interrogates him to get a handle on what’s going on. I actually really love the scene because it’s where Everett realizes that what he believes about Wakanda isn’t quite right.

VW: It was so interesting because the idea that he believed it is, to me, kind of sign-posting of sorts, because he’s like, “There is no way what you’re saying is true. [Wakanda] is one of the poorest countries.” To me, he represented America.

AH: The thing he keeps saying is, “You’re a third-world country.” That’s what everyone thinks of course, and I think that because T’Chaka has done such a good job keeping it from most people – That’s his whole MO, is we don’t want other people to know what we even have. It’s very isolationist policy, in my reading. Is that wrong, Jamelle?

JB: I think that’s absolutely right.

VW: But I think the possibility of it…

JB: Veralyn, I think you’re right too.

AH: Yeah, I think it goes both ways.

JB: It’s not just a reflection of how well T’Chaka has been able to conceal Wakanda’s wealth and power, but that Everett Ross is incredulous. It’s not just that they’re a third-world country but that they’re a third-world African country, and I think that subtext is clearly there.

AH: After we have this exchange between Black Panther and Everett, where he is surprised that vibranium could even exist or that Wakanda would be able to harvest it at all, Klaue gets busted out of his cell by Killmonger and his cronies. As he escapes, Black Panther sees the necklace he’s wearing, [with his grandfather’s ring on it]. So all the sudden, he thinks it could be two things: it could be either something’s amiss – this guy’s actually a Wakandan – or he stole it from someone else. And eventually Killmonger winds up killing Klaue.

VW: When T’Challa sees the ring, he goes to confront Forrest Whitaker’s character (Zuri) and is like, “Tell me the truth,” and he says, “I promised never speak of what happened with your father,” and T’Challa’s like, “I am your king!” And he essentially makes him tell him the story of how T’Challa’s father kills his brother and abandons Killmonger, his son.

JB: So Killmonger is T’Challa’s cousin.

VW: Yes. I guess we realized that with the ring, but the reality of it happens to T’Challa at the same time that Killmonger brings Klaue’s body to Wakanda and is like, “I did something that your king couldn’t. I’ve brought Klaue here, dead, and now I’m going to challenge and I’m going to claim my seat at the throne. At first everyone was like, “Whatever, get outta here,” and then he’s like, “Ask me who I am.” For me, there were a lot of notes of African norms and tradition. Like, who hasn’t heard a Nigerian say, “Do you know who I am?” Just this idea of “I am the such-and-such” there, and what I recognize as African mannerisms throughout that blew my mind. And finally, one of the members of the High Council asks him right before he gets thrown out, and he just rattles off all the names of who he is.

AH: And then they’re all bewildered and probably my favorite line of the whole thing: Angela Bassett is like, “I can’t believe this!” and she’s making a face, and Michael B. Jordan is like, “Hi, auntie.” That moment is just… He said “auntie,” that is so black! [all laugh] So then we get another fight scene, this time with Killmonger fighting T’Challa, only this time it’s more brutal because we know this backstory. Not that with [M’Baku] it wasn’t also a life or death situation, but we have all this backstory that we didn’t necessarily have with M’Baku. We get the Jabari backstory a little bit later, but this scene was also brutal, and essentially what happens is that Black Panther loses.

VW: Here Killmonger is saying, “I have been in America, living as a black American, having to navigate this white structure and learning their ways…I had to navigate all these struggles, and here you are in Wakanda with all your fancy equipment and fancy technology and you’re doing nothing for people who are us that are out there. So this fight is almost the tension of that conversation, which I’ve thought about throughout my life, because growing up as a black-presenting girl in the Bronx, and not feeling necessarily Sierra Leonian enough and not feeling black enough – This fight I felt represented my fight.

JB: I’m a regular American black person.

VW: You black! [laughs]

JB: But the last African in my family was brought here in like the 1830s, or before that actually because the slave trade was over by then… the American slave trade anyway. I said earlier that this is a provocative movie and this is what I mean, because I feel like in the conversation leading up to the film, lots of conversations about Wakanda, lots of conversation about the idea of what Wakanda means to people of African descent (black Americans or otherwise) – This uncolonized, technologically advanced, powerful nation. But the film I think very smartly brings up the other side, which is Killmonger’s point that if this existed, where the hell have they been? Why have they abandon the African diaspora? Why have they allowed countless people to suffer and die under racist oppression? And Killmonger’s argument to T’Challa and the Wakandan court is that you are wrong, you are immoral, and if I become king, I will use this country’s power to right that wrong. And the other side of that is almost a genocidal thing – He wants to wipe out everyone else and dominate and rule over the planet. He says at one point, “The sun will never set on the Wakandan Empire,” which is directly taken from “the sun never set on the British Empire,” but watching it, I was like, “You know, is he wrong?” [laughs]

AH: Yeah, I saw him as sort of like a mirror of Nakia, in terms of they both have the same goals, in a way, of “We need to be helping other nations and other people who look like us because they need us and we can’t just keep pretending that there aren’t all these problems out there.” But then he goes and takes it in just the wrong direction. He’s basically the Azalea Banks of this movie. He says things that make a lot of sense, but then he goes about it all the wrong way, or wraps it up in this rhetoric that borders on Hotep, and even if you agree with him it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch because you’re kind of like, “You just want to watch the world burn.” You can understand why he wants to, because there’s a personal aspect to him literally being abandoned, but…

VW: There’s also the whole idea that if Wakanda had opened up their doors to help other African nations or other people around the diaspora, would they be Wakanda? And that was something I was thinking a lot about when Everett comes to Wakanda to be healed because he gets shot, and the first thing Shuri says when she sees him is something like, “Hello, colonizer.” I’m reading Yaa Gyasi’s book Homecoming that gets into what happened at the Gold Coast during slavery. What role Africans played in it and how the British pitted different tribes against each other and got them to essentially sell their people into slavery. And so there’s this question of what happened: Why is it that African countries are some of the richest and well-resourced countries in the world, and what happened? Colonizers came in and did their thing.

AH: I guess to Jamelle’s point about it being provocative, we obviously see Black Panther wrestling with this, and in many ways he knows Killmonger’s right. And by the end of the movie, he offers to give him vibranium and help him now that he’s weakened and basically dying. And I thought this was a very clunky line of dialogue, but Killmonger says something about his ancestors on ships.

JB: It’s a very clunky line.

VW: I found it effective. I don’t know.

AH: I did not. I kind of laughed. [all laugh] But I get it. What I liked about it is that it takes elements of both. By the end of the movie, we can understand T’Challa’s hesitance to embrace what Nakia and Killmonger have wanted, which is to go out there, because again, yes, once they open themselves up you do you have people trying to come in. But at the same time, they’re actually going to take some of what [Killmonger] said and apply it to what they’re doing.

VW: Okay, this was my one beef with the film: The solution is community centers? That’s the solution? I did kinda feel a certain way about that because with all your power and all your vibranium, your solution is opening up centers around the country?

AH: Well, what would you want? They’re not just going to go and give them a handout of vibranium and say, “Do what you want to do.”

VW: I don’t know… What do you think, Jamelle?

JB: I mean, thinking in terms of the characters, what Nakia wants is sort of a humanitarian Wakanda. What Killmonger wants is an activist, almost neocon Wakanda. And T’Challa seems not quite splitting the difference, definitely going in Nakia’s direction but he’s also Black Panther, so presumably he’ll be working in world affairs that way. But I think the conclusion he comes to is that the best thing that Wakanda can do is go to – because they set up the center in Oakland – go to those places where black people are suffering and try to provide them with the tools and resources to advance without violence. That seems like a fair split, in terms of finding an equilibrium here.

AH: Yeah, it also seems like this is a theme that comes up a lot in a lot of black movies – This idea of the upwardly-mobile black people who made it and what they owe to the hood or the community. I mean, I guess every piece of literature, movie or even music when it comes to black identity…I’m gonna plug myself, but I just wrote a piece about this movie I discovered that we actually mentioned in our episode on Friday, Abar, The First Black Superman. It’s a blaxploitation flick that came out in 1977, and the basic crux of the story is a doctor who moves into a white neighborhood being coerced by Abar, who is a sort of Black Panther figure and leader of this revolution that’s sort of like the Black Panthers. And he’s like, “You need to come back to the ghetto and contribute to your brothers and sisters. You can’t live here. You need to live there.” And I was kinda surprised to see that same strain in a Marvel movie. Even Wonder Woman I feel like didn’t dig that deeply into its feminist aspects. It was feminist in the way that it did things, but not as overtly, and, dare I say, it sometimes did feel a little preachy. I guess I agree with you that the ending [of Black Panther] felt a little after-school special, Veralyn.

JB: I see where they’re going with this, because part of Killmonger’s grievance was specifically about living under white supremacy: “I am a Wakandan who grew up under white supremacy and you owe something to black people who grew up under white supremacy.” And that’s where T’Challa’s uncle died. I mean, I see why they do it in Oakland. But I want to say real quickly, black people aren’t the only people who are going to be watching this movie. This is going to be a huge movie, and the fact that we can all agree it’s good adds to the fact that this will be a huge movie. Probably the majority of audiences are going to be white and the extent to which the film doesn’t really condemn Killmonger’s basic premise, or grants him his premise and says, “You’re going too far,” but doesn’t really dispute that yes, Wakandans do owe something to the rest of the world that suffers from racism. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that pointed in this kind of blockbuster before, something that’s directly challenging its audience.

AH: I agree. I do think to some extent that pointed nature, for the majority of non-black people who will see this movie, I think the fact that we do have one good “white” character really tempers that and helps make that seem not as pointed, or at least balances it out for a lot of white audiences. Had that character not been there, had this been a Get Out situation (Spoiler if you haven’t seen Get Out, but come on, it’s been a year now) where none of the white people are good… I think that it helps that we have someone who’s literally flying shit.

VW: Yeah, he’s putting himself on the line. He’s sacrificing himself.

JB: Can I say, I think the movie copped out by not having him die during that scene.

AH: Yeah.

VW: Yeah, that would’ve been powerful. And symbolic in a lot of ways.

AH: Yes, because the people of color are always dying in these things.

VW: They’re always sacrificing their lives for everyone else.

AH: That almost happened in The Last Jedi, but it didn’t, thankfully.

JB: Right, but having a character be incredulous about Wakanda then come to realize what it is and then come to feel that he ought to defend it, not out of any glory but for the good of the Wakandans, and then having him die in the process of that – I think that would’ve been good, story-wise, but of course the reason why he’s not dead is that the Marvel movies, for this next phase, need a kind of bland-ish audience viewpoint character to carry through the various franchises. In the previous movies it was Agent Coulson but he died in The Avengers, so Everett Ross is the new version of this character who kind of touches each franchise and acts as a bit of connective tissue between them.

VW: And I feel like we’d be doing an injustice if we don’t mention how on-point all the black women were in this film. I went to go see it with Marissa Martinelli, Represent’s social media assistant (whoop, whoop!) and I was like, “Why are black women always on the right side of history?” [laughs]

JB: I mean, just to add to that I’m using the word “first” a lot because there are a lot of firsts in this movie. This is the first of these superhero movies, not just Marvel but across the genre, where women aren’t just a major part of the story and plot but who drive the story and plot. They are central characters whose actions have weight on what happens going forward. This is as much Lupita’s movie as Chadwick Boseman’s movie or Michael B. Jordan’s movie. And Wonder Woman is really the only other movie that you can say that for.

AH: And she was amongst a bunch of men.

JB: Half the speaking cast are black women.

AH: Yeah. Well, I feel like there is obviously so much more we could have talked about…I think we got into the politics. We could’ve talked about this being a black American movie in many ways…

VW: Mm-hmm. Yeah, is Lupita the only African actor?

AH: No, no. Danai [Gurira] is…

JB: Danai, Daniel Kaluuya is African.

VW: He’s British, but he’s African. Well, I mean, everyone’s African, but… [laughs] Can I ask you two, as black Americans, how do you feel about the argument that Africans sold my ancestors into slavery?

JB: First of all, just as a matter of historical record, the initial trading in the 17th century and early 18th century did involve African tribesmen selling defeated enemies to the Portuguese, to the French, to the British, and to whomever. But by the time you get to the heyday of the slave trade in the late 18th century, that’s straight-up theft. It’s raids and that kind of thing. For me, slavery is bad, obviously, but I’m not sure one should hold those African tribal leaders in West Africa responsible for the trans-Atlantic slave trade.

AH: Well, yeah. Also, many cultures in different places outside of Africa also had slaves. They weren’t doing it based on race. Like you said, it was, “These are my enemies I have defeated.” Not that it was good, by any means, but it wasn’t insidious in the way that it was when it came down to the caste system and race and all that stuff.

JB: Slavery has existed through all continents, through all times, but racial caste chattel slavery is an American innovation. You encounter a lot of “what-aboutism” from people who are like, “Well, slavery wasn’t that bad…”

AH: I know.

VW: Oh, god.

JB: So the idea that there ought to be equal responsibility just doesn’t track with me. We should be accurate about the history that yes, African tribes sold other Africans into slavery, but that was distinct from what happened in the United States.

AH: Yeah, so I don’t have any hard feelings towards Africans, [laughs] to sum up your question.

JB: To be honest, the only hard feelings I ever have is towards people who denigrate black Americans.

AH: Yes, that’s when it becomes a problem.

VW: We are definitely going to link to this documentary that I sent you both called Bound: Africans vs. African Americans because I think it does a good job talking about it from both sides of the coin. I’ve heard from family members, “Veralyn, don’t behave like those black Americans.” I have also heard it from my black American friends that don’t know that I’m African saying really messed up things about other Africans around me.

AH: Yeah, that’s a whole other conversation. [both laugh] Anyway, thanks for listening.

VW: I hope you’re fully spoiled!

AH: Thank you, Jamelle, for joining us.

JB: My pleasure.

AH: And thank you, Veralyn.

VW: Of course.

AH: And thanks everyone else for listening. Please subscribe to the Slate Spoiler Special podcast feed, and if you like the show, please rate and review it in the Apple podcast store or wherever you get your podcasts. If you have suggestions for movies or TV shows we should spoil, or if you have any other feedback you’d like to share, please send it to spoilers@slate.com, and for more Black Panther coverage (of which we have done a lot) check out Represent at Slate.com/represent. Our producers are Daniel Schrader and Veralyn Williams. For Jamelle and Veralyn, I’m Aisha Harris. Thanks for listening.

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