#basically the only thing they have in common is being from iceland lol

[kareenvorbarra]

I’m reading Vinland Saga and was completely thrown when I realized Protagonist Thorfinn is meant to be Thorfinn Karlsefni from the sagas, who I mostly remember for being the husband of the much more interesting Gudrid Thorbjarnardottir

[monstersinthecosmos]

is it okay if I talk about cruises? lol

What's interesting about the world cruises is that the crew have very divisive feelings about them.

On one hand, the thing every crew member has in common is that they took this job like a fucking lunatic because on the inside they're adventurous people and love travel. The world cruises tend to hit some ports that aren't regularly visited, so it's a fun way to check some extra countries off the list and see some really cool places that we don't really see in our regular contracts very often, like going around North Africa and the Middle East, and going through the Suez Canal!

Long cruises tend to be really laid back, too, because the crew is less concerned about impressing the guests and being On 24/7. Gala nights get very boring. All the money making events and sales pitches get stagnant and everyone stops bothering.

So on the other hand, the longer a cruise is, the less money you make. :( Crews rely on the turnover--they want fresh faces to tip and they want to be able to sell things. You can't sell a photo package to the same people for nine months. You also can't have a good turnover in the shops--there are so many basic retail items that people buy because they forgot theirs at home. Hoodies! Sun block! Bottles of Pepto! That bottle is going to last a while! We will sell more hoodies if these people get off the ship and we can prey upon the next group! We can only sell so many hoodies to the same group of people for 9 months! The booze sales are even down because people are settling in to like, actually just live on a ship for 9 months, and aren't in vacation mode where it's permissible to get hammered every night.

And while there's some people who request world cruises for the travel, there are a huge number of crew members who really do need the money. There are recruiters in certain countries and you'll see lots of departments that employ almost entirely one nationality. And those are people for whom the exchange rate is EXCELLENT. They are making bank to send back home. They also tend to be departments that work really fucking hard and don't get as much time off and might not even get a chance to go out in port. There's definitely a microcosm within a ship crew of global economics and you can tell apart the privileged folks who are okay with making shit money because it's free travel, and folks who have been at this for 10, 15, 20 years and have been to Cairo 50 times and it's not interesting to them anymore.

NOW THE THING PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE ABOUT LONG CRUISES THOUGH is that sometimes they sell shorter cruises inside the long cruise. For example, when I worked a 52 day cruise from Vancouver to Sydney, the guests could buy a single ticket for the whole 52 days, but they also sold tickets for a one way Vancouver to Honolulu, or Honolulu to Sydney, or for just dicking around Polynesia, or even just dick around New Zealand for the last week before we got to Sydney. So there might be other weirdos coming and going within the world cruise. I also did Ft. Lauderdale to St. Petersburg (Russia) where we did the Caribbean first, then dicked around in Bermuda & the Azores, then did the UK & Iceland and then Northern Europe/Baltic Sea, went to St. Petersburg, turned around and ended in Copenhagen. So people could split that trip into all those little parts, too.

AND SOMETHING ELSE PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE is that there are a lot of retirees who opt to live on ships!!!!!!!! So yeah some people do buy back-to-back cruises for a year because it's comparable to paying rent or paying for assisted living. They get a housekeeper and food is included and there's medical staff available! I met a bunch of these people on ships and they'd be on longer than I was LOL.

So having said all that LMAO. I both love & am horrified by the idea of Armand running a cruise line. A while back there was this new cruise line who like redesigned what they thought the crew quarters should be and instead of giving us cabins they wanted everyone to have like a POD with their bed inside and a small TV, and all the pods would be lined up in different hallways that shared bathrooms. LIKE NO. NO. LOL. They sent the drafts around to ship crew to let us vote & give feedback and it was a resounding FUCK NO WE ARENT CATTLE LOL so they walked it back.

But you best believe Armand was always in there inventing things and being a pest and treating the crew decks like an ant farm. I bet he loved being in the forward crew cabins where you can hear the anchor machine. I bet he loved the rumble of the engines at night and the constant white noise.

There's something so surreal and weird about ships because the crew areas are so spartan and mechanical and there's constant alarms and warning of death by the watertight doors and you can hear the water hitting into the hull and there's always some guy giving haircuts in the hallway with a radio and a B DECK BARBER SHOP sign on construction paper and there's the most raucous ping pong games you've ever heard and there's always 30 people jamming into the crew elevator because we can't wait for the next one and there's always drunk people sneaking into the bakery at 3am to steal fresh croissants and the whole environment is so sterile and metal and it has a smell that bothers you for the first 3 days until you stop noticing it but you're always sort of aware there's a smell that you've forgotten about.

Everyone is fucking, constantly. Even in the modern day with the internet, no one has service and the internet is expensive as fuck, so we're just cut off in the middle of the ocean with nothing else to do. The walls are thin so you always hear it. The drama is never ending because you know the guy next door is fucking the girl from the shops even though last week he was fucking the nail tech from the spa. Everyone knows everything. And we have crew only parties in weird secret spots like the bow or the engine room or the kids club house after it's closed and everyone is wasted and we see who's making out in the dark. It's in our contracts that we're not allowed to drink but no one follows it. There's, in fact, three different crew-only bars. But if you ever get too sloppy it's their excuse to send you home. Sometimes at parties you look around and wonder, if the alarms went off, would everyone be okay to help the guests to their lifeboats.

Then amongst all this is just the palpable human misery! So much homesickness. So many hurt feelings. So much burn out. People go out and have a beach day and take cute photos and it seems fun and exotic but then they come back to their cabins and cry. You live at your job. You don't get a day off. Your room is 10 feet away from your work station. You can close the curtain on your bed and be cozy in the dark but when you open your cabin door you're back in the brightly lit sterile metal hallway.

And you go up the stairs and it's the most tacky 80s hotel aesthetic you've ever seen with the most entitled rich people you've ever met. And all the handrails are gold and there's a group of guys who go around all night while everyone is asleep to polish all the handprints off of them. People will complain about anything and everything. The level of privilege is astounding. One time we floored it across the Pacific to get to port one day early because a guest had a stroke, and other guests complained that they booked a cruise for the sea days. Another time, a guest yelled at me in the cruise terminal because she couldn't find her room, and I had to politely inform her that she wasn't inside the ship yet. We've ruined someone's entire vacation because there was extreme weather and it wasn't safe to enter the port they wanted to see the most.

Armand would love all of this, I think. It's really premium people watching with all walks of life. Sometimes I wonder if people become more chill & less entitled on long cruises because they can settle in and be people and they're forced to exist in a space, but I have also seen when people become way too familiar and in fact behave worse because they think they're allowed to. On the 52 day cruise to Sydney, we got a scathing complaint about how we ran out of "Cheerios (cold cereal)" during a 9 sea-day stretch and how that was very unacceptable and disrupted their routine.

And like how would he feel about the ship theatre?! How many shows does he make them learn for a world cruise, without letting them repeat any? On regular cruises they learn idk 4-5 shows to do and they don't have to repeat! And how weird are the shows?! Like, you're not just stuck on the ship for months, but the live entertainment just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

How much night life does he require for his own amusement, even when the guests are over it and the entire ship is dead after midnight? Does he pay the crew handsomely because he can feel their resentment over working night shifts and making no tips?

How much extra money does he pay in port & docking fees to be doing tons of overnights or late sails so that he can see the ports, too? Is that something he wants to do or is he just happy to go sleep in a crew cabin while the ship is in port?

It's so safe down there for vampires. No windows and watertight doors and they're below the water line. You get rocked to sleep like a baby. The anchor noise won't even wake him up. (It stopped waking me up after a few weeks, too, though, but I don't sleep like I'm dead.)

Or like, how often does he want to do cool scenic cruising at night? Or go through the Panama Canal at night so that he can watch? This is the least profitable cruise ever, the guests are asleep lol.

And the big big question is how does it feel in relation to his mortal life and experience with ships? Is it different enough to not remind him of it? Is it similar enough that he re-contextualizes and revisits to make new memories? Does he still love watching the shipyards? DOES HE LOVE DRY DOCKS? (Crew fucking hate dry dock, it's miserable, 0/10 do not recommend.) I bet Armand would love dry dock and getting to go under the ship and see it's belly!

ANYWaY this was more about ships than it was about Armand but I just think Hashtag Ships Life is such a very surreal subculture and since Armand is a massive fucking weirdo I think he'd be really interested in witnessing it and I'm horrified that he owned cruise ships and I hope he didn't make the crew too crazy.

this part of the devil's minion is so disturbing to me, personally

He ordered Daniel to make purchases without counsel or hesitation: a fleet of cruise ships,

[flashfuture]

Follow up questions because I’m a Nerd and I love learning: is there any evidence to suggest frequent inclusion of women in Scandinavian warfare? Or is finding something like women’s armor rare? Was there a standard definition of any queer terminology in any ancient civilization? Did any Norse culture ever find its way to the Middle East???

I feel a bit like an over eager student writing this but uh...I’m very curious. 👀👀

When talking about women in Scandinavia you run into people describing how it appeared these women would take on the role of men in the absence of men. But I think there is an issue in that we’re assuming the role of women in these societies would match the role of an Ancient Greek woman (which is a whole other thing but I digress)

They’ve found that some of the founding fathers of Iceland were women, thirteen of them to be exact. women could inherit land and money from their parents. Women could be involved in legal matters and hold official positions. 

There is lots of evidence that women were very frequently going raiding. They have been debating recently I believe if the term dregnr a young warrior really was only applied to men. Young women were described in the same vulgar terms as dominators and something we discuss in ancient Rome was the ideal of male “hardness” basically just being the top dog in the room. Women were the same in Ancient cultures if not expected to hold themselves differently but Skalds (the poets) describe the women just like the men. 

Another thing quite recently (1993 so really recent in terms of historical archives) is the idea of the surrogate son. Basically, if a man died with no son to inherit a surrogate son would be chosen over a daughter. It has recently been noted that they very well could have been describing the daughter as a surrogate son. Someone to take up that male role of head of the household. This suggests in the sagas we have noted women but there is also a possibility for women to be described with male traditional words because of the role they were playing. 

And we have found tons of armor that looks ceremonially and some battle worn for women yep. All women could fight though it was excepted they could defend themselves and their home front. Against potential attackers and wild animals. 

Plus in the 13th century, the Christians introduced the Law of Gulathing which were sets of rules for people to follow. Women were then banned from cutting their hair like men, dressing like men, or in general behaving like men. This suggests It was common enough for them to throw it in the laws that banned traditional things that Scandinavians did that did not fit the Christian narrative or way of life. 

-- This is gonna go under the cut for the rest cause wow I got long lol. 

Okay queer terminology. You’ll see lesbian which was women who fucks women. and you’ll see penetrator a lot. These were slave cultures also so the idea of sleeping with another citizen was defiling them you shouldn’t do it.

In Ancient Athens, you saw men preferred the company of men over women because they didn’t think women were of value they were only good for producing heirs. There was a thing called pederasty where a wealthy man in his 20s, the erastes, would court a young wealthy man from the ages of 13-19, the eromenos, and teach him and keep him as a lover. Their debate over Achillies and Patroclus for example wasn’t if they were sleeping together but who was fucking who really. Because Patroclus was older but Achillies was the hero so was he being emasculated or were they breaking the age rule? That was their debate cause these things mattered to them 

They were kinda the exception to the citizenship rule. The Spartans felt the pederastry was weird because it involved citizens but they were all in with the homo. Obviously, this was all very public and you’d be scorned if they thought you were being penetrated.  

All in all, being penetrated was something women and slaves did and the last thing you wanted to be was a woman.  

Another thing to consider was these cultures had a lot of problems with excess. So too much sex or food and in Rome you were a uh Cnidus? Idk I can only spell it in Greek which is staggeringly unhelpful but basically, you can’t control your urges. Based off that time someone tried to fuck a statue I think or something like that

The Norse had a similar word ergi which meant you had too much heterosexual sex actually, you were too promiscuous. In the 12th century we know in Iceland homosexual acts like sodomy were banned under Christian canon (Thanks Richard I of England) so there is that. Pre-Christian influence there seemed to be no stigma around this minus don’t force yourself on your friends that’s rude but slaves were fair game. (I wrote a paper on the weird stereotypes of Vikings being the sexual aggressors when the literature of the time suggests the Lotharingians were way way more likely to commit those acts. At least according to French who were besieged constantly by everyone all the time.)

níð was an insult for the ancient norse which basically you had displayed unmanliness. Or you liked to take it up the ass to be plain about it. (Ancient people were vulgar as shit the Romans were obsessed with sexual threats to the point where its just in common day-to-day speech.) Ragr was a term that meant you were unmanly which is much more severe and you could like legally kill someone for saying that up till the 13th century. 

There is actually some debate that the concept of unmanly comes from making fun of the Germans. So like if you were Ancient Germanic or Ancient Brittania you were the savages of the day. Which is interesting when you consider the rhetoric those two countries put out. Like literally no one like the Germans or the Brits they thought they were filthy uncivilized and cowardly people. 

Also fun from the 7th to 10th century in Norse culture there were these figurines called gold foil couples. In it a couple would be portrayed which was a way of proclaiming themselves married before the gods. It was a very religious practice for them. There are figurines depicting people of the same sex in the gold foil figurines. 

Basically, we can thank Christianity for why we think the Vikings didn’t do homosexuality or homosexual acts. Because well they didn’t want them to starting in the 12th century again thanks Richard for having the worst break up with your boyfriend in the history of break ups. 

And onto gender which if you know Loki from Marvel him being genderfluid is based entirely on mythology and is common in Norse writings. Okay so essentially we think of seiðr or magic as something women do. And they did too. But men did practice it. This was seen as a third gender in Norse culture, the seiðmaðr a man who practices magic. Hence Loki moving between the three as he’s a known magic-user. There was also this concept of gender mixing, biological men buried in traditionally female clothing. But there is no way for us to know if that is this third gender or potentially they were more excepting of what we would call transgender. 

Because most of the writings we have come from the 13th century where Christianity really took over and just started making shit up. Like we have evidence they were trying to cover up things about Norse culture they didn’t like. So men who practiced seiðr were actually ergi and not a different gender, just an unmanly male. 

So yeah lol these were acts they did so verbs can be found really easily. But we have mostly Icelandic stuff cause Christians they did fucked up shit 

--

And the Vikings in the Middle East. They went all over. We have this assumption they were raiding whenever they went. Actually, the thing is they only raided northern Europe because they rightfully assumed those guys couldn’t fight back. 

But they had trading agreements easily with the Greeks, Persians, and Abbassids mostly. There is a woman from Sweden who was buried with a ring that was inscribed with “For/To Allah”

The Arabs had the term Rusiyyah to describe the Vikings because they came so often. They noted that the Rusiyyah were not good at practicing hygiene but also describe their bodies as being “in perfect form” They liked a good ripped viking and I can appreciate that. They were like “they’re filthy but damn are those rusiyyah built” 

Baghdad had the first real market place and they had paper from China so they were printing stuff into books which the Vikings found very interesting. There was so much international trade but the British and Germans who we mostly hear from now were so technologically unadvanced there was no way they could have participated with these other older cultures. 

There is money found sometimes that was certainly viking in nature. They didn’t really have money like the Arabs at the time preferring to trade in goods. So they offered furs and silks along with weapons and slaves. 

And it is possible that there was culture exchange as all cultures were being exchanged back then. We know some vikings converted to Islam as Arab writers commented that they missed pork dearly but were committed to the Path of Islam. 

The Slavs or Rus (Russians) of the time were also annoyed with these viking raiders because their shit would get stolen and then sold to Arabia where they’d have to buy it back usually. 

So yeah lots of trading going on. And many Vikings like I mentioned worked as bodyguards or mercenaries. We don’t know much of what the Vikings thought except that the writers in Arab noted they were very polite to their hosts if not aggressive with each other in a playful manner. 

Lol you really let my nerd pop off here. I’d have to do more research into the Norse effect on the Middle East though cause I only know about the other way around off the top of my head here. 

[noonymoon]

You Have Been Lied To #4

hello again!

in the first few posts we have talked about

how the public narrative is carefully constructed by a global elite

how our entire perception of our past and how we came to be was shaped throughout history

how the myths and stories about a great flood and giants throughout all the cultures are real

how there are children going missing in massive amounts

and why they are going missing 1 & 2 

while i am not at all hurt on a personal level by the fact that many people start to unfollow me - i really don't care for status, fame, pleasure, distraction, an online-reputation, or ANYTHING at all anymore -, i am really saddened that only a fragment of people care for the Truth. the only thing i can do is keep going and pray that people will wake up in time. many others have begun to wake up (a lot of people woke up because of the Qanon movement but i am not a Qanon).

in this post today, i'm going to shed light on what Nazi-Germany actually was. i personally didn't dig deep into my own research because i am entirely overloaded with all kinds of researches and Hitler is not really my favourite topic in the world. but i've read a great book that pulls from many well-researched sources, plus i am using my common sense. when you can count 2+2 together and it makes sense, you know that ist is the Truth. the 2+2 we are going to look at today is the following:

- we've learned that the mainstream media and the entertainment media serves mainly two agendas: 1. to keep the truth away from us, and 2. to shape our perception of WHAT is possible, what is fantasy, what is truth and what is just too crazy to be real. right?

so, according to this parameter, let me ask you the question: why do you think there are SO MANY movies and works about the Nazis being deep into occult knowledge and into mystical artifacts? Captain America: Civil War, Hellboy, Wolfenstein, the Indiana Jones series, Iron Sky, The Keep, and many others are part of this concealing of Truth. the reason why Hollywood wants us to believe that this thought is too fantastical and too absurd to be real is that the Nazis truly had religious interest in the occult.

here is a brief overview about the topic 

there are quotes by Hitler himself which make one think what the heck did he mean by that...? (looking at it from a public narrative perspective ofc)

according to what i've learned Hitler was a huge follower of the teachings of Madam Helena Blavatsky - who founded Theosophy, basically the doctrine where the New Age movement gets pretty much all its ideas, and on which all the secret societies are founded: the Knights Templar, Golden Dawn, Freemasons, Rosicrucians, Ordo Templi Orientis, Illuminati and many more.

this image alone speaks volumes once you realize what’s being communicated.

the Lemurians? the Atlanteans? THE ARYANS? after breaking the veil of deception that is around all of us, it couldn't be more obvious that Hitler was deep in the occult knowledge that was brought forth by Theosophy in 1875. it simply does not make sense at all that Hitlers only goal was to create a race that "has blonde hair and blue eyes" (though it plays a tiny role in this as well). Hitler truly believed with all his rotten heart that there is a race that is superior to regular humans. this religious belief burned in him and his Nazis like an insane fire and they went on a lot of expeditions around the world to find more occult knowledge and also a very specific thing which i am not mentioning yet.

there are a ton of actual real photos of Hitler and his Nazis in Tibet visiting the monks, and also Hitler in the Antarctica (which is a whole rabbit hole for itself but that one is really crazy *lol*) and whatever you've heard in the public why Hitler went to these places, it is not the Truth.

when i was still in this witchy community on here, i often saw posts that basically told Nazis to f*ck off and stop using Runes. back then i had no concept of why any Nazi would use the nordic runes except maybe the superficial thought of "Germans are germanics are nordics" or whatever *lol*, the Truth is, in Hitlers quest to unlock as much as occult knowledge as possible, he also visited Iceland and studied the Nordic Edda. [ Hitlers goddaughter was also named Edda, just throwing this in here ] - Guido von List (an Austrian living in Germany) was apparently the first one to assign mystical meanings to the nordic runes and founding an occult Religion named Wotanism, he died in 1919.

another thing i want to point out is the Swastika. you probably know that the Swastika is pretty much an ancient symbol and appears in ALL kinds of cultures of this world. there is a reason for this that goes deep beyond any regular comprehension, but the public narrative is that Hitler simply stole this symbol and made it a Nazi-Germany symbol, but the truth goes much, much, much deeper than that.

of course we can pretend like all of these connections are just "coincidences" and of course we can cling to the public narrative that is telling us lies, lies, lies. i dearly encourage everyone who wants to know the Truth about this world to start researching. in all of the previous posts i've mentioned and linked really good starting points. you don't have to be a Christian or believe in Jesus in order to find out about the world we live in (though, after discovering all of the pieces and puzzling them together, the most logical thought for me was to literally RUN towards Jesus and i know this is different for everybody but i am praying for you to find Him). i know a lot of this sounds crazy and flat-out foil-hat-kind of way. but always remember that this image of the Truth is on purpose. people who dig into the Truth get out-cast, people who discover the Truth and want to wake other people up are being labelled as wrong and crazy, get silenced, get threatened, get assassinated.

to say it in Hitlers very words: "Truth is not what is; Truth is what people believe it to be" .... sadly, that is very true in our society today. everyone just picks and chooses what they want to believe and there is no concept anymore of ultimate Truth because we are being lied to from each and every side. and i know this sounds radical and Noony how can you say something like this, and so on and so forth, i really GET IT. i understand that it sounds radical, i understand that it isn't what people WANT to hear. you can condemn me all that you want, i really do not care anymore, this is way too important than setting my own comfort above it. Truth is truth, and lies are lies.

one of my favourite scriptures in the Bible is "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." --- John 8:32 ... it could NOT be MORE accurate. it's actually mindblowing how relevant and true these thousand year old words are, especially today. i've never felt so light and free and happy and sane EVER before in my entire life. i've quit my psychopharmacy drugs a while ago (i've been taking prescription drugs for more than 10 years) and my life is looking just bright and wonderful right now, and this even though i almost died in April, still recovering from it. i am more courageous, more filled with love, more motivated, more friendly, more calm, my household is doing just fine, everything is clean and neat, i am doing my chores, my plants are thriving, and even though i am literally ALONE 24/7 (real life AND online) i never ever feel lonely. and i am living with wide open eyes and even though this world is HORRIBLE, i am peaceful now. the Truth really DOES make you free. i've stopped with all kinds of toxic things, from sugar to drugs, you name it. i don't crave neither stimulation nor attention anymore. it's incredible. i can only recommend it. what God and his prophets also foretold over 2000 years ago that it would be EXACTLY like this. "evil will be considered good, and good will be considered evil" - people who speak the truth and do the good deeds will be demonized by the masses.

doing witchcraft and magic and believing in the New Age NEVER felt evil because i was never harming anyone. and i am pretty sure that 99,5% of you people on here feel the exact same way. we are being conditioned by the entertainment media to believe that magic is wonderful, innocent and curious. Disney is doing a GREAT job easing little children into the concepts of magic and fantasy. and i know most of all people never harm anyone with their magic. and God didn't forbid us to do magic because he doesn't want us to have fun or to have a spiritual life, or because he thinks we don't deserve any of the things we can do for ourselves magically. God will HAPPILY provide each and every need of us. the reason why God forbid his people to practice magic, sorcery, divination and witchcraft is to protect us from being deceived. now, a lot of people will rebel mentally, and that's okay, i was the same way. before you haven't discovered the truth and combined all of the puzzle pieces, it really just doesn't make a lot of sense, is really provoking and sounds bad. i was really wrestling with all this myself. now, i am grateful to the Lord that this wrestling process ended up in me being OPEN to what He has to say, and discovering the Truth instead of rebelling and living a lie any further. Praise God for not giving up on me with my stubbornness.

today, i've listened to an interview with the Illuminati Defector that i've mentioned in an earlier post, who was going to be one of the highest ranks in the Illuminati (Queen Mother of Darkness). her name is Jessie Czebotar and she has made it her mission to bring light to this worldwide matter and help survivors being rescued. please listen to some of her interviews, it’s mind-blowing what she has to say.

honestly, when you realize how EVIL these people are and that they ARE witches and druids and that they USE the occult and witchcraft and magic on an EXTREMELY high and incredible level, the LAST thing you WANT is to continue doing the same thing. like. i am not judging anyone here, truly. because we simply do not know what's going on. but when you suddenly realize that EVIL PEOPLE like Hitler, like the Illuminati and the Freemasons and all of these secret occult societies did and ARE doing the same thing of which WE regular people think it's no big deal and it's okay, you simply wanna run, run, run from it as far as you possibly can. at least this is how i feel about it. i am not forcing anyone to believe me, i am simply encouraging you to at least find out why i am saying all these things to you, and then decide for yourself.

Jesus said that we will know them by their fruits. a good tree can only create good fruit and a bad tree can only create bad fruit. a good tree can not create bad fruit and a bad tree can not create good fruit. it's really quite simple.

God bless the ones that read this with an open mind.

[vulpes-incendium]

Swan and Phoenix

For @hongice-week

Sep 4: Nyotalia or College/High School AU

Juniper met the school representative from Iceland, they discussed their names.

~

Juniper/Ka Fung = nyo!Hong Kong

Svanþrúður = nyo!Iceland

(please DON’T use Ka Fung as nyo!HK’s Chinese name, at least not the “Fung” for phoenix, you’ll know why when you read this lol)

***

Juniper hated it when she had to join the cultural exchange programme as the school representative. She was chosen because of her good English skills and also how presentable she is. But she hated it when she had to introduce herself to new people.

It was with an Icelandic school this time. Juniper didn’t know a thing about Iceland, the only thing she knew was it’s far away from Hong Kong and it’s probably cold all the time. She still hoped that their representative could speak English well so that they won’t have problems communicating, well, as a school representative it’s actually a requirement anyway.

Wow, this girl surely looks different, she thought. She had met westerners before, many pale blond people, but she had never seen anyone so pale before. Wow, her skin is so white and oh my gosh her hair is almost white! Has she seen the sun before? Juniper of course kept all these thoughts in her mind, she bore the school’s reputation after all. Juniper noticed the name badge the girl was wearing and started to panic.

Svanþrúður Lúkasdóttir

For goodness’ sake, how on earth do you pronounce that name? And what’s those weird alphabets? Oh my words, I’m surely gonna embarrass myself. Juniper’s face remained calm and nonchalant, the perfect facade she had trained herself to master. The girl offered her hand and Juniper shook it out of manner.

“My name is Svanþrúður.”

Juniper got nervous, she didn’t like it when she wasn’t ahead of the situation. “S-svan… what again?”

“Svanþrúður.” she said, holding her name badge up to Juniper.

Juniper rolled her eyes on the inside, like as if that could help. “Um, how do you pronounce that er… p or is it b?” She squinted her eyes, pointing at the “þ”.

The shy Icelandic girl seemed to be used to this kind of question, so she explained, “That’s a þ (thorn), like the ‘th’ in 'thing’.”

“Okay, and the…”

“That’s a ð, like the 'th’ in 'this’.” Svanþrúður interrupted. “Svanþrúður.”

Juniper does like a good challenge, since she had lived in many countries, she was no stranger to new languages, but Icelandic is definitely a challenge for her. Being also a musician and a native tonal language speaker, she had a sharp ear for sounds. Both “þ” and “ð” sounded like “the”, but “ð” seemed to be a bit softer, with less air. Juniper concentrated her thoughts. There’s no languages she couldn’t handle.

“It’s okay. You can call me –“

“Svanþrúður.” Juniper pronounced it perfectly. Though not showing on her face, she was smiling smugly deep down as she saw Svanþrúður’s surprised and satisfied face. “Svan” sounds like swan, she wondered if the name has any relations to it. “So, what does your name mean?”

“It means like a swan!” Svanþrúður answered right away, more happily than when she introduced herself to the others as this was the very first time a non-Icelander had gotten her name right. She was even more impressed by Juniper because her mother tongue is so much more different to Icelandic than western languages.

Swan. It does suit her very well, with her pale complexion and almost white-looking hair. Juniper thought.

“So I see your name is Juniper.” Svanþrúður gestured to the name badge Juniper was wearing. “But, what’s your real name?”

Ah, this typical question again. Juniper had gotten a bit annoyed by this question, Juniper is her real name her parents had given her, in fact, her whole family had been calling her “Juniper” exclusively her whole life instead of her Chinese name, like a lot of people from Hong Kong. “Well, Juniper is my real name. If you’re asking my Chinese name…” She bit her lip, not wanting to say it out loud. She met Svanþrúður’s large violet eyes, her face softened by the innocent looking gaze. Shutting her eyes a little, she said softly, “I-It’s… Ka Fung. Wong Ka Fung.” She lowered her head, feeling embarrassed. “It means joy and phoenix.”

Confused by Juniper’s expression, Svanþrúður tilted her head. “That sounds nice! Do you not like it?”

Juniper sighed. “I hated it, it sounds old! So I have a twin brother called Leon. In Chinese, you called fraternal twins of different sexes 'Dragon and Phoenix twins’, so my parents named us that. Ka Lung sounds alright and cool, but for me… My name sounds like an old woman in her 80s.”

“I like your name.”

Juniper lifted her face, eyes meeting Svanþrúður’s. She knew it’s stupid for a foreigner to judge a name without any knowledge of the Chinese language, she’d probably be surprised if she told her that her name sounded pretty much as old as 'Gretchen’ or 'Deborah’ or something. Thinking of that gave Juniper goosebumps everywhere. She’s a cool girl, man, imagine calling her Deborah, gosh. But Svanþrúður’s pure eyes washed away the thoughts, she looked so sincere that Juniper didn’t have the heart to reject her.

“Well, you have a beautiful name too.”

***

I had no idea what to write for this prompt, but thanks to @pixeltalia’s love for weird Icelandic-only names I got so inspired. He suggested Svanhildur and I decided to level it up to Svanþrúður cuz don’t we all love those Icelandic alphabets lol. Lúkasson was @LunaRose’s idea, I just changed it to the female version and only HK’s Chinese name was mine which I quickly regretted.

This basically included a bit of my rant on the western fanon names for the Asians lol. Yea, please DON’T use Ka Fung as nyo!HK’s name, makes me cringe lol (I mean technically Fung can also be “wind” too oh and mountain peak too for boys’ names idk but phoenix is a reaaaally old-school name for females). I think I saw a fanon name was Wong Ka Kei/Kay, that’s quite typical in HK, zero uniqueness but at least it’s a legit name (I know at least 10 Ka Kei/Ka Kay’s and that’s saying a lot if you are familiar with the Chinese naming system. I don’t know any Juniper at all, but I like the name somehow, the popular Leona is less common than Leon I’d say, but it exists in HK of course and I like the name too.

[trueishcolours]

My siblings and I accidentally write a Ron/Victor Krum 4th year fix it fic in the group chat

Isabel: guyS

Rewatching goblet of fire

And I have to say

How amazing would it have if

It was a LOT less gendered

And also

If Ron and Krum had got together instead of Krum and Hermione

Thomas: Oh yeah there's so much Gender  

Isabel Ron already basically has a crush on Krum

Would have been great  

Thomas: idk, he's more jealous of him in my opinion  

Isabel: Nah

He has the action figure

He says he's an artist

It's definitely there

Thomas: Tru 

Clare: I mean on a superficial level I liked the Hermione/Krum part because it made me relate that a girl who is usually uninterested in 'feminine' things might still have some anxieties and take some interest now and again, and 'this super hot guy will like You, the Nerd' is standard wish fulfilment, but honestly I could take it or leave it. A grumpy feminist could equally well read it as 'EVEN smort girls like Hermione want to be feminine REALLY uwu'

And that would be a boring analysis but the whole feminine versus not argument is boring and not what we're here for

Anyway

The Krum drama kicks off the Romione subplot and honestly I hate Romione as a ship, to me it feels forced from beginning to end

But Ron/Krum would tie in really nicely to the whole character arc for Ron that JKR started in the first book and then forgot about where he evolves into an amazing intelligent badass without noticing it

Picture: He is dooting along, vaguely bummed because he's nothing special compared to his older bros, then in book four he realises wait he DOES stand out from others because he's gay/bi/whatever but he's not sure he WANTS that because standing out for being a minority is a fucking hassle but by the seventh book he is war hero, chess master and gay icon and vaguely confused about it

Hell, you could even have Hermione go to the ball with Krum, get her girly character development in and have Ron freak out and both of them /assume/ it's about her when it's not

It would just

Be better Thomas: Queer theory saves the day once again

Clare: :D  

Isabel: JUST BASICALLY RON, ALL THE TIME, WITH A BETTER CHARACTER ARC

Thomas: I love this  

Isabel: Honestly decades later I am still just so salty about Ron's lack of development, hell, anti development. I just want everything for him

Clare: Like, not to make it automatically angsty just because it's gay but Ron being Not Straight ties in so well with his typical theme of qualities that he think make him less than Textbook Perfect actually being his great strengths (I read a great analysis that Ron actually achieves all his brothers' goals without trying or noticing)

Ron just utterly stalls as a character in the books

And Harry is a shitty friend to him by the end

She kind of pulled it back with his deathly hallows arc but it was bungled and could have come across as just bashing him

Isabel: HE IS. Ron is so taken for granted.

Clare: God, Ron is SO much less of a dick if his yelling at Hermione in book four is coming out of Sudden Repressed Realisation, not just 'woman I like is doing something I don't like'

Isabel: I watched film 4 last night and just everyone??? Is so horrible to each other??? All the time??? I swear in the books it's so much better handled

Other reasons why bi/gay Ron headcanon is important: - most masculine of the trio/ has a million big brothers so dealing with toxic masculinity/ bucking queer stereotypes in there too - an extra 'fuck you' to the whole pure blood thing which I reckon is really homophobic as it means your bloodline won't get continued or some shit - Krum coaching Ron on Keeping in bad English. Tell me it's not cute. - Ron's a linguist (he learnt parselmouth on like 2 listens)!! Tell me he wouldn't learn Bulgarian?! - just, chaotic bilingual Quidditch talk, all the time, forever?!

Clare: UM your pidgin Quiddich is now my new fave headcanon forever????? You're SO RIGHT Ron is smart, he's just not academic. He would DEFINITELY pick up a language fast if he was using it to talk to his boyfriend/about quiddich

Isabel: EXACTLY

Clare: Plus all the stuff you said about toxic masculinity and purebloodism.

MAKE THE SUBTEXT TEXTUAL, YOU COWARDS

Isabel: #giveRonaBoyfriend2k18

Also not around for the lowkey weirdness of Ron and Harry dating CANONICALLY IDENTICAL AND BORING non white girls to the Yule Ball

I know that you can overdo all this stuff but seriously the fuck

Clare: It is a bit odd and icky   

Isabel: Ok so this is what happens

Krum asks Hermione to the Yule Ball and it's like she gets her cute moment with him

But then instead of spending the whole evening being a whiny bish Ron shows un-JKR-characterisation-characteristic maturity and puts a brave face on it and talks to them both

He's upset but doesn't full on ruin their evenings

And then Hermione after the ball, (gradually realising with slight horror that she and Krum actually have literally nothing in common) kind of keeps... asking... Ron to hang out with them

And at first Ron's like lol no way am I third wheeling

But then the temptation to hang out with his literal idol becomes too strong

And he and Krum start hanging out independently of Hermione

(who's probably in the lib helping Harry study for the second task at this point anyway)

The weather is still too cold for Quidditch

Ron thinks

But somehow Ron ends up playing anyway

IN THE SNOW

WITH VICTOR

HE'S GETTING COACHED BY AN ACTUAL WORLD CUP FINAL SNITCH CATCHING PLAYER AND HE IS NOT CHILL

Clare: Hoooooly fuck this is perfect

(except he actually is because it's like -10 and snowing what the fuck Krum) Ron putting his big boy panties on and dealing during the ball, leading to him actually having an in with Krum via Hermione

I love the dynamic of Hermione just...awkwardly asking her friends to hang with them...just to break the silence...

Isabel: YEAH EXACTLY

And then them all actually having a nice evening

Clare: I mean the point of Krum with her was to get that 'YASSSS I'm dating a hot guy!' moment WHILE ALSO showing how easily it fizzles, so nothing needs to change there

Hermione could even do her 'ugh, quiddich and BOYS' routine

Isabel: Awkward because of course it is awkward what is a teenage party without angst but also, fun

yeah exactly! the slow dawning that fuuuuck, I've just brought another stupid quidditch boi into my life oh god why

Clare: Ron still knows more about the history of the game and all the technical terms than Harry so has more to talk to Krum about

Isabel: And then you know Ron and Krum stumble back into the castle with Ron wearing Krum's hat à la Chad and Ryan, and Skeeter doesn't bat an eyelid because it doesn't fit her trashy narrative

Clare: RIGHT I've got to sleep I'm getting a cold but I love this

Isabel: ok go sleep

OK ONE MORE POINT

we almost certainly get the insanely awkward 'think you're in luurve Ron' or 'lol if you love Krum so much you should date him not Hermione'! moment from either Fred or George or maybe Ginny

And there's just a kind of... missing step moment

Clare: I think all of them would do that

I mean they're pretty mean to Ron anyway, especially about love

Isabel: Exactly they're all horrible but MAYBE this would teach them!!

Clare: Exactly! It would rip the rug out from under them and they'd be like wait shit

Isabel: We are actually mean to Ron... a lot

Clare: Especially because in this timeline Ron still gets the hassle from his sibs but unlike in the main timeline where he is just butt monkey forever he has the trump card that he's got a boyfriend who's a world famous quiddich player

Like, if you're Fred, George, Ginny or even Molly you can't really come back from that reveal. Ron wins.

Isabel: Krum actually being a laser focussed guy who gives people he cares about 300% of his attention

And middle child syndrome attention starved Ron just soaks it up like a blooming Icelandic kid under a sunlamp

Ron win evertiem

Clare: Yeahhhhhh. Being a prodigy who's trained from such a young age he's got to nail that work life balance and it's like 90% work 10% life but that life is INTENSE, he's seen too many people lose their relationships because they won't switch off their metaphorical phones during dates, he gets one (1) month a year and about three (3) important people and when it is Person Time it is PERSON TIME

Right bed for eal I'm dying

Isabel: BED FOR EEL

UGH ALL I WANT IN MY LIFE IS THE 50K+ SLOW BURN QUEER 4TH YEAR REWRITE

BUT I LEGIT DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE IT AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF TO GET RON POV RIGHT ANYWAY

Clare: Bebs I wish you could write it

The raw chemistry my goodness

I ship it now

Is there going to be 'you are treating me like an idol not a real person please stop' angst at any point?

Isabel: OF COURSE THERE IS

Clare: Also Krum is like 'I knew I could trust you because you are bffs with Harry Potter and you treat him like he's totally normal you must be so mature and cool he is so so lucky to have a friend like you

Or well, Krum insecurity that people only like him because of his celeb status anyway

Which is probably why he went for Hermione in the first place because she didn't give a shit

'WOULD WE EVEN BE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT WASN'T FOR QUODDICH?'

'... I love you.'

'Bro I wouldn't care if you were the worst player in the world as long as we both are fans of the sport together.'

'Bro.'

Isabel: BRUH

Also can I just ask...?

What happens in the second task??!!?

It's already messed up enough under that lake, love triangles all over the place

This would just be the final straw that resulted in everyone just shrugging and teaming up

Clare: Holy shit

Krum just doots along, takes Ron and goes

Harry's like...wait what...OK...um I guess Hermione and Ron are equally important to me so I'll just take her kk

Isabel: Krum and Ron appearing on the surface of the lake like 'fuck'

The most dramatic declaration of intent ever

Turning yourself into a shark and rescuing them from the bottom of a lake

Clare: Everybody in the stands is SHOOK

Dumbledore like dang I did not predict this

With their hair soaking wet they are both at maximum hot

Isabel: Rita Skeeter's quill combusts

Clare: Krum doesn't point her out as a beetle in Hermione’s hair he's too busy with Ron

Isabel: Yeah she's like where is my gossip at??? Nothing is happening over in Hermione's hair

But yeah I feel like Dumbledore would be like, oh darn, looks like I'm gonna have to show queer solidarity with Ronald Weasely or something

KRUM AT THE BURROW VERY SERIOUSLY COMPLIMENTING MOLLY ON HER FOOD AND ASKING FOR BRITISH RECIPES AND WINNING HER OVER IN A TRICE

Clare: Would Krum charm Molly straight away though? He's very surly and shy and, in the books, not very handsome. Wouldn't Molly start out yikes who is this quiddich yob my son has taken up with?

Ginny on the other hand. Comes out as bi a couple of years later, tells Ron she only started to realise thanks to his example, apologises for being a dick about his love life

Isabel: Yeah I guess actually

I think Molly can get fierce

Clare: She's probably got a bit of pure blood/homophobic anxiety that she cloaks as objections about THIS PARTICULAR boy

Isabel: Either she loves you and adopts you right away or she is like /pulling shotgun down from the shelf/

EXACTLY

She's like

Blaming herself, oh I should have paid more attention and NOW look what's happened

Poor Ronald, always neglected

And Ron's like... mum... this is great

I am happy

Is not problem

Clare: Ron is like I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION JESUS CHRIST

I mean he's probably enjoying having the attention of a quiddich super star and I bet he'd even enjoy the celebrity status of The Boyfriend a bit (best friends get sidelined but romantic partners are news) but he's not doing it FOR attention

Isabel: Yeah, and I think the suggestion that he is would just make him so mad

First confused and then mad

Oh the ANGST

Clare: Especially since that's Krums biggest anxiety

Isabel: Mr Weasely would be chill. I feel like in this whole equation he is the chillest

Clare: What would Percy say? Would social climbing or doing the done thing win out?

Also the attention thing is a way for parents to make their child's relationship all about them. Oh you want me to LOVE you more! No mum I'm growing away from you this is normal

I think Ron would get jealous around Bill and Charlie because they'd swing in all oh our brother is rebellious and has a cool boyfriend? Well we are cool rebels also welcome to the family Victor

Isabel: Yeah... I think Percy is probably pretending to be chill with it and being a bit smarmy to Krum then says something awkward and homophobic and it's worse than if he'd just said it straight up

Clare: I think a lot of Liberal but still pure blood families would take the line of, 'it's fine that you're gay...because you're the sixth son so your blood line isn't in danger and making a socially advantageous match is probably more important for you anyway! And Ron is like Y I K E S

Isabel: Yeah exactly, well I suppose you have enough sons Molly amirite

What do we think about the Krum family?

Are they just happy that their son is forming human relationships

Clare: Hmm. How do they feel about celebrity? Do they think Ron is Not Good Enough or are they actually quite a normal family and are glad Krum has an ordinary guy to keep him grounded?

Isabel: I kind of don't want Ron to have to deal with random Bulgarian disapproval

I think maybe a quite normal family who had a kid who was a genius and has been at boarding school/ travelling for years and years

Maybe Krum already came out to them so that drama is in the past

Clare: Yeah and when he brings Ron home for dinner they're just delighted that Krum is home at all and that he's happy

Yeah maybe he did

He's probably had a lot of time to introspect because of his image and maybe he's an only child?

Isabel: And Ron speaks accented but ok Bulgarian by this point and they're like !!!

Clare: I think one aspect of the large family thing that WOULD affect Ron is its just that much harder to have a private word with your parents so confiding about yourself, especially when you're not 100% sure, just isn't part of the family culture

And there's no time for introspection when you're jockeying for position with six siblings

So Krum is out to his parents while Ron isn't even out to himself

Plus Krums just that bit older

Isabel: No, when you ask for a word it's all 'yes Ron' a bit exasperated

Clare: Krum’s family are just delighted that Ron speaks Bulgarian and is a normal guy who likes their son for himself

Isabel: Maybe they have some kind of cool engineery job and Ron goes out the back and is like well my dad likes cars I will try and help

Uses his mathsy chessy knowledge

Clare: Re. Homophobia I think it is important that it's not all YOU'RE GOING TO HELL like the Muggle brand but instead is very focused on producing pure blood children. Also with the smallness of the pure blood community I bet there's a lot of, not official arranged marriage, but kind of assumed marriage, like in Pride and Prejudice or what may have happened with Prince William and Kate, like, there's three girls your age who your family's on speaking terms with who aren't your first cousins and it'll massively throw off everybody's plans if you don't marry one of them

Yes Ron helping with engineering

Isabel: Headcanon of the Krums as magical engineers with a side passion for quidditch

Clare: I bet he picks up arithmancy that way. Can't learn it in the classroom, can learn it in the garage. And he comes home from the holiday able to actually help his dad with the car and thenceforth Mr Weasley is on board

Isabel: Yeah exactly... they're a bit 'sigh ok this means you're not gonna marry bertha from the bakery but hell at least it's not a veela'

Clare: Also wizarding society is inherently conservative, they haven't even updated their writing system, so anybody doing anything different is looked askance at unless they can play themselves as a genius eccentric like Dumbledore

Isabel: So yeah then Ron turns out to be WHOLESOME af and Krum’s family are like... ok fine. this is fine. In fact yay!

Ok I have to go do some work but this has been almost as good as having the fic itself

Clare: Maybe I'll put a summary on my tumblr and see if anybody wants to adopt it

[norsesuggestions]

becausedamnsun replied to your post “becausedamnsun replied to your post “There is a myth with Røskva and...”

I'm from Denmark, and the one with the corssdressing is also a big hit here or at least it was for me. But I have never heard the stories from Uppsala. But I was also the kid after julekalenderen Jul i Valhal that went full on nerd in the nordic mythology.

oh the ones about the kings of uppsala is one of snorres stories. it is  when he lists mythological kings, he beginns in “the kingdom of sweden/svitjod” (which ofcourse really make no sense for iron age scandinavia haha because there were no kingdom of sweden during the iron age, but he is writing from his medieval icelandic pov). WELL anyway, in he starts the listing of mythological kings in uppsala, sweden (which is right next to Stockholm btw. so basically places some mythic king in the power centre of sweden when snorre were alive). 

well anyway, he list these kings as “ynglingätten”, and then he just keeps going, and starts listing relationships with norwegian kings AND well his final destination is ofcourse to connect all these mythological royal families with iceland lol. 

but basically he takes us on a little poetic mythological trip of the nordic countries. and we know, he is not like, just totally making up all these myths on the spot, because the places he mention in sweden, are indeed real place names for locations in sweden which he has put vaguelly on the right spot.

and this knowledge of obscure small villages in the swedish, can not just be explained with snorre owning a map, because we are often talking small small places. THAT being said, ofcourse, the kings he talk about are mythological, and there were no such thing as a swedish kingdom during the iron age. but ya know, east-south scandinavia still existed haha, even if there were no swedish kingdom!

this stories were also often repeated by swedes of like, the 16th-19th century, who took them as the truth, and used it to distance sweden from danish rule after the union of kalmar. which is also why i must point out they are not real haha. some swedes that have had *cough* old-fashioned *chough* history education, are not aware of that these swedish kings are just... mythological, not real.

Snorre wrote the saga of the ynglingeätten in heimskringla. the story is called “the yngling saga”. here is a excerpt from it.

Snorre goes on to describe the gods. Snorre follow a common medieval convention here, were he tries to explain all pre-christian gods of europe as being real life kings. which is why, Odin suddenly here is king of Swithjod (Svitjod/Sweden). this was most likely NOT how the story were originally told haha.

Odin died in his bed in Swithiod; and when he was near his death

he made himself be marked with the point of a spear, and said he

was going to Godheim, and would give a welcome there to all his

friends, and all brave warriors should be dedicated to him; and

the Swedes believed that he was gone to the ancient Asgaard, and

would live there eternally.  Then began the belief in Odin, and

the calling upon him. 

still we are in the realm of myth, but now suddenly a real place shows up! Upsal (most likely referncing uppsala fields/uppsala the settlement):

Frey took the kingdom after Njord, and was called drot by the

Swedes, and they paid taxes to him. He was, like his father,

fortunate in friends and in good seasons. Frey built a great

temple at Upsal, made it his chief seat, and gave it all his

taxes, his land, and goods.  Then began the Upsal domains, which

have remained ever since.

FINALLY THAT YNGVE SHOW UP!! ALSO, THERE IS SIBLING RIVARLY! and people mentioned are not only literal gods anymore. also snorre here starts listing names, and family relations, in that classic way too long way of norse sagas:

Alric's sons, Yngve and Ali, then succeeded to the kingly power

in Sweden.  Yngve was a great warrior, always victorious;

handsome, expert in all exercises, strong and very sharp in

battle, generous and full of mirth; so that he was both renowned

and beloved. 

Alf was a silent, harsh, unfriendly man, and sat at

home in the land, and never went out on war expeditions.  His

mother was called Dageid, a daughter of King Dag the Great, from

whom the Dagling family is descended. King Alf had a wife named

Bera, who was the most agreeable of women, very brisk and gay.

One autumn Yngve, Alric's son, had arrived at Upsal from a viking

cruise by which he was become very celebrated.  He often sat long

in the evening at the drinking-table; but Alf went willingly to

bed very early. 

Queen Bera sat often till late in the evening,

and she and Yngve conversed together for their amusement; but Alf

soon told her that she should not sit up so late in the evening,

but should go first to bed, so as not to waken him.  She replied,

that happy would be the woman who had Yngve instead of Alf for

her husband; and as she often repeated the same, he became very

angry.

One evening Alf went into the hall, where Yngve and Bera

sat on the high seat speaking to each other.  Yngve had a short

sword upon his knees, and the guests were so drunk that they did

not observe the king coming in. 

King Alf went straight to the high seat, drew a sword from under his cloak, and pierced his brother Yngve through and through.  Yngve leaped up, drew his short sword, and gave Alf his death-wound; so that both fell deadon the floor. Alf and Yngve were buried under mounds in Fyrisvold. Thus tells Thjodolf of it: --

  "I tell you of a horrid thing,

    A deed of dreadful note I sing --

    How by false Bera, wicked queen,

    The murderous brother-hands were seen

    Each raised against a brother's life;

    How wretched Alf with bloody knife

    Gored Yngve's heart, and Yngve's blade

    Alf on the bloody threshold laid.

    Can men resist Fate's iron laws?

    They slew each other without cause."

ah the years swedish archeologists spend looking for this dudes grave mound in uppsala lol. but anyway, now the majority of swedish archeologists consider this mythological, and that those historical archeologists desperatly looking for real life proofs of these stories were a bit..... to obsesses with finding a “glorious past of sweden.”

Sources

translation used of “the saga of ynglingätten”

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/heim/02ynglga.htm

about ynglings saga, swedish wiki article. rec this for being a pretty good wiki article, if you do not get a headache from reading all that swedish! (which i would not blame you for, trying to adapt to danish and norwegian spelling rules, can sometimes be lots of work)

https://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ynglinga%C3%A4tten

[raevfitta]

Eurovision Semifinal 1

I’m going to rewatch the first semifinal and go through the songs today because I don’t think watching on my phone, in the pub, gave me the best impression of the performances (it always prevented me from actively commenting.....). I will hopefully be able to do preview thoughts for the second semifinal in the afternoon so I feel “prepared.” This is a mix between my expectations, reactions, and general whininess. 

I can just comment that the Salty Swedish commenters went right for the throat when they commented how the Ukrainians decided that three young white men are how to “celebrate” diversity. Justtttt....

1.  Sweden Robin Bengtsson "I Can’t Go On" (Advanced to finals) - I complained during Melodifestivalen that this wasn’t my favourite song. And it still isn’t. I think that Nano and Wictoria had better songs and performances but whatEveR here we ARE with THIS. I always want Sweden to win (just so I can go to the final lolll) but to me this doesn’t sound like a winning song. It is Justin Timberlake lite and he just BOTHERS ME. He looks like if an alien were to try to create an attractive human from memory and something went wrong in the process. But in the Sea of Ballads that is this year, I at least enjoy that the song is “upbeat.” He doesn’t blow me away, needless to say. 3/5 And a question about this performance, are they not wearing socks???? 

2.  Georgia Tamara Gatjetjiladze "Keep the Faith" (Did not advance) - This semifinal was a slog to get through just because of (as the Swedish commentators pointed out) the Jamala effect. This song was three minutes long but felt soooo much longer. She looks like some one performing on the ferry to Finland. We trained but just meh. I think she had a decent voice and an okay performance but the song was just...so middle of the row. 3/5

3.  Australia Isaiah "Don't Come Easy" (Advanced to finals) - Other than the ballad trend, the X-Factor/Voice/Idol trend realllllyyyy bothers me. He sings really well but this song sounds like a fucking Idol final. This is the first Australia song that didn’t blow me away on the first listen. I fucking hate the stupid pictures of performers as the backdrop too so this song can go fuck itself. It has more drama live (except for that odd squeaking thing he did towards the end when he tried to reach a high note wtf was that) but loses points because of the spinning video of himself in the background. I knew it would go to the finals on reputation alone but that’s the same with Sweden. You’ve got to really phone it in to not make the finals from Aus and Swe. 3/5

4.  Albania Lindita "World" (Did not advance) - I could guess from the recorded version that she would not do well live and well, here we are. Eurovision continues its tradition of not being able to afford pants for female entrants and the men’s pants are getting shorter and shorter...This is another plodding ballad that is so empty of meaning. I’m not surprised this didn’t advance. Forgettable. 2/5

5.  Belgium Blanche "City Lights" (Advanced to finals) - I was so happy when this advanced. She still looks scared performing but I really enjoy the text and the tempo of this song. This is a song that grows on me and reminds me a little of Anouk’s “Birds” from ESC2013, which was another song that grew on me. I wish that Blanche didn’t look petrified of performing. It’s like she would rather be singing behind a partition or something. 4/5 

6.  Montenegro Slavko Kalezić "Space" (Did not advance) - The first upbeat song and of course it didn’t go to the finals. This has a bit of Modern Talking feel and is just classic Eurovision. His voice is not that strong live but he makes up for it with enthusiasm. He needed backup dancers or something because he looks sort of ... lonely... on the stage with only himself and his hair. But again the stupid fucking spinning images of the performer sour this for me. Entertaining and upbeat at least!!! 3/5 (They kept cutting to the crowd and they do not look like they are having a good time....and lol the app keeps telling me that there are tickets left the finale??? What???)

(And the hosts make me miss Petra, as much as I actively dislike her. They are like annoying little cousins that think they are funny but just UGH.)

7.  Finland Norma John "Blackbird" (Did not advance) - I didn’t enjoy this from the album but when I heard (and watched) this, this really grew on me. It reminded me (a little) of the Common Linnets from 2014. I guess it was a 50-50 if this or Belgium were going to go on and Belgium took it. She sings with passion and this song grows on me. Too bad, try again next year Finland. 4/5.

8.  Azerbaijan Dihaj "Skeletons" (Advanced to finals) - Fucking Azerbaijan. She was like WHISPERING as she sung and good LORD that stage performance looked like something a high school drama club would put on with the theme “how to make Eurovision memes but Italy already took Harambe so I guess Horsehead masks are still big right???”. This reminded me of SO MANY “middle of the road” Eurovision songs. Is there something wrong with her MIC? Just ugh. This is another song that takes a million years. Can she be Skeletor instead? 0/5

9.  Portugal Salvador Sobral "Amar pelos dois" (Advanced to finals) - Okay, finally a song not in English. I love the story behind this song and find the performance really charming, but the song is just not my cup of tea. It makes me think of something from a classic movie. It’s nice that it went to the finals and I like how it is an actual song with meaning behind its metaphors rather than just Random Metaphor Generated ballads like most of the other songs tonight. 3.5/5 (not a winner but a fine song. Gets an extra half point for not being in English)

(I can’t wait to watch the semifinal and final without the commentators. Måns is fine but good lordddd Edward af Sillén is trying too hard ughhhhh)

10.  Greece Demy "This Is Love" (Advanced to finals) - Another typical Eurovision song but at least it is upbeat and not a plodding ballad. She is a little weak live but at least she wasn’t “alone” with her strange swan-men backup dancers splashing around. She actually looks embarrassed to have them there (but that could be the permanent smile she has plastered on her face). Meh. 3/5.

11.  Poland Kasia Moś "Flashlight" (Advanced to finals) - (More like FLESHLIGHT, am I right you guys????? Hahhahhaaa I’m so funny) I always have a soft spot for Poland. I don’t dislike this song but it is another “slowly building towards some sort of drama” ballad. Bring back the butter churners. 3/5. 

12.  Moldova SunStroke Project "Hey Mamma" (Advanced to finals) - Epic Sax Guy returns and does not disappoint. Too bad this song sounds like a discount Jason Derulo song. Upbeat song at least trying something a little different and giving another classic Eurovision moment (and moments come Saturday). This might be one of the few songs I put on a playlist post-competition (I can say that right now this year seems more forgettable than usual....) and even though the dance is fairly basic I might have to start doing more Running Man dance moves 4/5 (bonus points for that fucking saxophone because Internet.)

13.  Iceland Svala "Paper" (Did not advance) - It is always discouraging when none of the other “Nordic” countries make it out of the semis. Sweden does not spread the love, clearly. This reminds me of a Greta’s entry from last year a little. I don’t understand how goddamned Azerbaijan goes to the final but this doesn’t. I think she needed some backup dancers or something because she doesn’t know what to do with her arms. Shame she isn’t going forward but this was an average song to begin with. 3/5. 

(God damn the hosts are CREEPY and the jokes are so like UGH. The only thing that is more aggravating is how Edward is reacting because he sounds exasperated....)  

14.  Czech Republic Martina Bárta "My Turn" (Did not advance) - Poor Czech Republic. I really want them to do well and not back out of the competition again. But poor Martina looks EXHAUSTED out there like she didn’t sleep last night. I enjoy this song and thought it had a chance to make the finals over some shittier songs (*cough* Azerbaijan *cough*). Charming song, shame it isn’t going forward. But it is good they found Belgium’s outfit from last year in an adult size. 3/5

15.  Cyprus Hovig "Gravity"  (Advanced to finals) - This is a song that grows on me. It reminds me a little of Hungary from last year. BUT DO THEY FORBID SOCKS AND PANTS OF A PROPER LENGTH AT EUROVISION? Catchy song, a decent stage performance (although we’ve seen it before). Don’t see it winning but I will enjoy listening to it on Saturday. 4/5.

16.  Armenia Artsvik "Fly With Me"  (Advanced to finals) - Finally something that makes the song a little more “unique” (honestly, none of the previous entries sound like they are distinct or come from a specific country). I wish this was a little more upbeat but at least the refrain sticks with you. 3/5

17.  Slovenia Omar Naber "On My Way"  (Did not advance) - Like the Nordic countries, I am always in support of the Balkan countries doing well. And this semifinal didn’t really start well. I don’t really MIND this song (it is a “musical” number so it sticks with you like gum on the bottom of your shoe.) It has the qualities of a Disney protagonist’s “going to get what I want song” but redone by a company ripping off Disney. Poor Slovenia. The text was really bad omgggg. 2/5

18.  Latvia Triana Park "Line"  (Did not advance) - This would have been a decent song if it didn’t sound like you were listening to it through the wall of your neighbour’s apartment. I’m not surprised this didn’t make the finals. I wish they could have brought a little more “power” or something to it. They had potential but potential doesn’t always mean results. 2/5. 

General comments: The stage looks poorly designed to me. The performers look generally uncomfortable with such an expansive space. But we’ll see how Semifinal 2 shapes up....