#basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control

[nevarroes]

[mdianasims]

He has traveled around the worlds and collected many memories and keepsakes. He made many friends along the way while he did both mundane and epic heroic things. And in every town there was another lover (or two) to be left behind.

You all know we're talking about Icarus Ibarra, Iker for friends (and he has many - one cheerful introduction and you're BFFs). His recent adventures made him realise that it might be time to settle down. And that doesn't mean he won't be going from world to world anymore. He will, he'd just prefer to do it with that one special someone by his side. And what better way than to find that someone in style?

Watcher Studios Inc presents...

SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED More info under the cut.

We probably don't really need to introduce our bachelor, but here's a quick recap:

Full name: Icarus Nicodemo Ibarra Reyes Age: 28 (young adult) Traits: Romantic, Music Lover, Bro, Active, High Metabolism Aspirations: Party Animal, Romantic Explorer Likes: Activities - Dancing, Fitness, Gardening Guitar, Handiness, Mixology, Photography, Snowboarding Colour - Blue, Green, Yellow Music - Alternative, Latin, Latin Pop, METAL, Singer Songwriter We're not sharing compatibility likes/dislikes or turn-on/turn-offs (TOTOs), because that would take the fun out of the challenge.

In case you're not entirely up to speed on Iker's previous adventures, you can find them here.

Still interested? Good. If you want to apply, these are the essentials:

Read the rest of this post carefully. If you still want to enter your Sim after reading, then comment that you want to submit a sim.

I've made another post that further specifies some choices you have. I'm asking you to prepare this before submitting your Sim. That will make it easier for me to play it out when it comes up in my game. I know it looks like a lot, but all you need to do is make a Sim, dress them nicely and make a few choices. Then I'll do the hard work.

This is The Grand Scheme. Save the link, it'll be handy when you create your Sim. And even if you do not intend to submit a contestant, I don't mind sharing my nefarious plans ;)

There's a maximum of 12 participants (and a minimum of 7 or it'll mess up the schedule), first come, first served. One of these spots has been reserved for @zosa95. Because, if I hadn't submitted Iker's sister Neia to Branson's Bachelor Challenge, I would not have had Iker. It seemed only fair to do this in return.

Practical considerations:

No CC (minor exceptions: x and x)

I have all packs except Batuu. As for CAS Kits, I only have Simtimates and Moonlight Chic.

You will need Growing Together and Lovestruck for the personality likes and TOTOs. If you do not have these packs, you can still participate. You just need to let me know how you want to fill these and I can set them for you once your Sim is in my game.

1. Requirements:

Age: Young adult (give a 'real life' age if you like, anything from 18 to 30 is acceptable).

Gender: Male or Female.

Pronouns: No custom pronouns that are intended to be silly (such as 'His Evil Highness' or 'Her Colourful Ladyship' or whatever you would use to refer to your favourite pet (or Sim)). This is basically to prevent me from making mistakes while posting. Too many different pronouns and it's gonna go wrong at some point. Please use something short (and easy to remember).

Sexual Orientation: Must be romantically attracted to and interested in woohoo with men (whatever else you check, is your choice).

Romantic Boundaries: Set them as you like, Iker's player trait should overrule it (if not, I'll set everything to no jealousy).

Occult: Human preferred. No Werewolves, Vampires or Aliens (Iker is still processing the Moonwood adventure, which also made him hate vampires. After StrangerVille, though unfounded, aliens are bit of a touchy subject too).

Traits: Bro and Unflirty are not allowed (there's a rule about bros, and unflirty will just make it incredibly hard for your Sim).

Likes/dislikes:

No more than 2 music likes (because those still dominate wants).

Decor and Fashion are optional (i.e.: Dream Home Decorator and High School Years are not required).

Conversation Topics and Sim Characteristics are required to be set.

TOTOs:

Way of Life and Characteristics are required to be set.

Romance styles: 2 turn ons and 1 turn off, the other 2 will be neutral (I'll do this for Iker too, for a more interesting experience).

Hair Colour: Black hair turn on is advised.

Outfit colour/Fashion categories are optional.

Your Sim can be CAS created or born in game, skills are allowed, there won't be skill based challenges. They can have additional self-discovery traits if you've played them. However: the romance skill and hidden woohoo skill are banned (Iker doesn't have those either, yet) and charisma is capped off at lvl 3.

Fame is not allowed - I'll just keep all Sims out of the spotlight.

2. Outfits:

There will be lots of themed parties, outings and dates, so I've got an entire outfit scheme set up. To give you a chance to express your Sim's personality through their outfit choices (and get creative with NoCC CAS).

First, look up the outfits on The Grand Scheme. Then choose one of the following:

Easy Street: Set your Sim's standard oufit for each category, copy it to all listed slots. Then adjust the two mandatory second outfits.

The Middle Road: Do as above, adjust any other oufits you like.

All the Way: Set all oufits as requested.

Know that not all of these outfits will be used if your Sim is eliminated early on. But hey, at least you'll get a nice NoCC lookbook from it! Another thing to keep in mind (though entirely optional), the show (mostly) takes place in Ciudad Enamorada and Oasis Springs in Spring and Summer. So, big fluffy sweaters might look a bit out of place. If you accidentally use an item from a Kit that I do not have, I will try to replace it with something similar. If you do not set outfits for the themed activities, I will dress your Sim as I see fit.

3. Dates:

For three of the dates, there's a choice to be made by the contestant. Look this up in The Grand Scheme and let me know through DM what your Sim would choose for their perfect date(s).

4. One Final Question:

In case your Sim is eliminated, should they:

be returned to you (I'll save your Sim after elimination and upload the tray files and send you a private link);

live on in my save file;

be deleted;

remain in limbo forever (I'll store the tray files somewhere)?

Not answering this question defaults in the last option.

I know this is a lot. I hope you are not deterred by it. I just want to do something interesting with the new date system. And then this massive plan formed and now I'm stuck with it.

Anyway you have at least until 21 September 2024 to submit your Sim. If you need more time, or I'm not ready with the preparations, that date may move to somewhere in October.

Let me know in the comments and/or through DM if you want to submit a Sim. I'll put your name on the list. If I've added your name to the list and you no longer can/want to submit a Sim, let me know. There might be someone else who can take your place.

If you have any additional questions, do let me know. (if you think I've made any weird typos, let me know as well. I've checked the post a several times, but something might still have slipped).

Thanks for reading and I hope you're as excited about this as I am!

[agent-oo-z]

Alright gaymers time for more BG3 companion headcanons! This time featuring my beloved Atavia!

Potential spoilers below, you’ve been warned!

Still no Minthara, I failed to rescue her during Atavia’s run

Halsin

Ultimate nature nerd buddies. Atavia and Halsin love just going full autism mode and discussing the nuances of plant identification/creature behavior/etc for hours on end.

Once Atavia and Halsin become a “thing” they are almost annoyingly in love. Constant pet names, lots of physical contact, getting distracted by each other. Astarion teases them about it relentlessly, not out of jealousy though. He’s not immune to envy but he trusts his partners to be open and honest and does his best to do the same.

Halsin and Astarion are less stereotypically lovey dovey with each other but only because Astarion shows his love by being a menace. He teases and makes jokes and gets all sarcastic. Halsin usually responds with sincerity, not because he doesn’t get it but because he enjoys the challenge of getting Astarion flustered. It doesn’t take long for the pair to develop a sixth sense about what’s going too far.

Astarion

Turns out having two(eventually three!) people who are willing to dedicate themselves to you heart and soul can be overwhelming, even when you want it more than anything. Astarion develops a “non sexual safe word” for moments when he needs to be left alone/given space. He usually only needs a moment to recenter.

Astarion ends up working with the society of brilliance and the Gur to study vampirism and search for a cure. Some of the spawn in the underdark volunteer to help test theories and potential cures. This involves everything from finding out what types of fabric/materials can be used to prevent sunlight from damaging their skin to studying potential non blood food sources. Astarion mostly works with his partners to search for artifacts like sunwalker rings and magical/alchemical cures.

Astarion is good with kids. Once he has time to rest and begin healing from his two centuries of trauma he finds that children don’t annoy/upset him as much anymore. Yenna lives with Halsin at moonrise and is especially fond of him, the pair often play together when he’s visiting.

Gale

Quickest way to his heart is to compliment his cooking. And not just “wow this is good!” compliments. The type that shows you actually noticed things like the unique seasonings or the plating.

Because he doesn’t divulge much about his personal life to his students and fellow professors he accidentally ends up the center of a minor scandal. Astarion makes a surprise appearance on campus during a stormy day to deliver Gale’s lunch(which he left at home) and kisses him in front of his morning class. Atavia had done the same on multiple occasions but was out of town at the time, so the students thought Gale was having an affair. Eventually another professor confronted Gale when Atavia surprised him at work(she had gotten home from her trip early) and Tavi just burst out laughing while Gale desperately tried to explain the situation. The next day Astarion and Tavi deliver his lunch together to put the rumors to bed.

Gale develops a whole host of modified and new spells after becoming a professor. This includes spells that allow for the indefinite storage and preservation of food(including blood), spells that allow individuals with sunlight sensitivity to go outside for up to 4 hours at a time during the day, and enchantments that can be applied to collars and armor that allow animals to speak with people. He also publishes certain spells anonymously, not exactly out of embarrassment but because he’s uncertain how it might impact his career. Basically all of them are modified spells for sexual encounters.

Wyll

After deciding to break his pact with Mizora, Wyll procures the prosthetic eye Volo has. He continues to use the sending stone eye up until he and Karlach enter the hells after the death of the netherbrain. Given he is no longer working for the cambion he “swaps” eyes and tosses the sending stone eye as far as he can.

He waits to propose to Karlach until about a month after her engine is stabilized. They’d been dating for a while at that point, but he didn’t want her to feel like she had to agree because he had helped with her engine. He also wanted time to prepare a proper elaborate fancy proposal because she deserves it. She says yes before he can even finish asking, he’s not even fully on one knee before she practically throws herself at him in a massive embrace.

When Tavi complements his skills as a ranger at the reunion party he almost explodes with joy. She’s one of the best ranger he’s worked with(the other being THE Minsc) so it truly means a lot.

Karlach

One of the few people that Tavi isn’t romantically involved with who is allowed to be super physical with her. Tavi isn’t opposed to friendly hugs and the like, but doesn’t do well with extended touch from those she’s not with. Karlach is just such a giant cuddly teddy bear that somehow Tavi doesn’t mind. She doesn’t even fully understand it herself. If Halsin or Astarion weren’t wrapped around her at camp it was Karlach in their place.

Once she’s able to permanently return to the material plane, Karlach becomes a legendary hero in her own right. She often joins her former companions when they go out on grand quests.

Karlach is called “Auntie Karlach” by the various offspring of the Tavi-cule. She’s the favorite of all the companions when it comes to baby sitting(at least for the children.) She loves kids of all ages, but especially enjoys spending time with those between the approximate ages of 7 to 10.

Lae’zel

Lae’zel eventually introduces her companions to Xan, the hatchling rescued from the crèche in the ruined monastery. Xan is just as fascinated by the material plane as his adopted mother was, and is delighted to interact with Tavi’s familiars and companion animals.

After the defeat of Vlaakith Lae’zel and Xan move in with Shadowheart. It was originally supposed to be just until Lae’zel could find her own place but turns out Shadowheart and Lae’zel are in fact very much in love still. Xan now has two moms.

Tavi helps Lae’zel learn about the courting practices of the sword coast so she can make her intentions clear to Shadowheart(and not at all because Lae’zel doesn’t want to fight her because the idea of causing her harm is deeply distressing) Lae’zel and Shadowheart do end up romantically sparring eventually, but it’s far less intense than standard Gith fighting.

Shadowheart

Before Lae’zel moves in, Shadowheart is a bit of a hermit. She makes time to visit her companions but otherwise spends her days tending to her animals and her gardens in relative solitude.

During her first visit to Waterdeep she joins the Tavi-cule for dinner. She ends up staying over because of how late into the night the conversation goes. The next morning she learns about Gale’s Modified Silence spell when joking that based on how disheveled Tavi looks she’s surprised she didn’t hear them. She asks Gale to make her some scrolls to take home, and encourages him to consider publishing them under a pseudonym.

Shadowheart and Astarion love to gossip. During the absolute adventure they would sneak away and chat in elvish to avoid being heard, and post adventure they keep up a correspondence. When they get together in person they can spend hours talking about the latest gossip while enjoying some good wine and snacks.

Jaheira

When Atavia is pregnant with her first child, Jaheira visits to give her advice and guidance. Most of it consists of “here’s how to not kill a baby�� and “here are safe ways to manage your symptoms during and after pregnancy”. She helps Atavia and her partners set up a nursery in Gale’s tower because Tavi is worried about it looking nice while still being safe. She serves as a sort of safety auditor. Jaheira is also the “god mother” of all of the Tavi-cule children. She accepts on the condition she is never called anything like “granny.”

Jaheira often joins Tavi and Astarion(and whoever else is with them) when they go out searching for artifacts. She’s with them when they get their hands on a real sunwalker ring, the first time they find evidence of a cure for vampirism, and when they finally get their hands on the last thing needed for said cure. They start to jokingly call her a good luck charm.

She continues to work with the Harpers on and off. Geraldus is one of the few Harpers she genuinely enjoys working with and the two become good friends over time.

Minsc

Minsc is eventually able to communicate half decent information about the vampire cures Boo supposedly knows of. It’s one of those cures in particular that the Tavi-cule is able to find evidence of and actually create. And it works! Astarion complains about being indebted to a hamster, but privately thanks Minsc and Boo. Tavi is beside herself with pride for managing to pull it off despite the language barrier.

Minsc will randomly appear on the doorsteps of the various party members with no warning. He usually only stays for a day and rarely spends the night, but he always comes with unbelievable tales of his most recents adventures. He always makes an effort to visit after any of the party members have major life events to offer his support/congratulations/etc.

Atavia keeps a stash of Boo’s favorite treats on her person at all times. You never know when you’ll run into Minsc and she never wants to be caught unprepared.

BONUS: The Creatures

Scratch

Scratch goes to live with Alfira and Larkissa after the death of the netherbrain. Atavia makes an effort to stop by and say hello whenever she’s visiting the gate.

Owlbear Cub

Once the owlbear cub moves to the grove Atavia makes sure to bring some fancy smoked meats when she and Astarion visit to spend time with Halsin. She loves to curl up and nap with him under the sun.

Us

Taking the form of a cat in the eyes of all but the former adventuring party and their loved ones, Us ends up living at Gale’s tower. Tara and Morena eventually allow it to join their tea parties. It doesn’t drink any tea of course.

[barbatos-sama]

the boss and prince's dynamic in this show is essentially that they have a transactional sexual relationship where boss is required to sleep with prince once a month in exchange for the prince allowing boss to use his magic book that allows him to teleport to the living world. this relationship is unhealthy because boss literally needs this book to do his job; it basically makes the dynamic "fuck me or your career is over". this power imbalance is made worse by the fact that even beyond being able to hold his livelihood over his head, the prince is, yknow, A Prince. royalty. one of the more powerful beings in hell. compared to boss whose species is treated like dirt. it's very hard for an imp to earn any kind of respect or to make a name for themself like boss is trying to do. so this relationship is unbalanced in more way than one.

the thing about prince is that from the description of this arrangement you'd think he's well aware of this power imbalance and is taking full advantage of it; that he doesn't care about boss and sees him as a plaything. it's not true though. prince wants to have an actual partnership with boss, he is someone who craves intimacy beyond just meaningless sex. he's a tragic figure whos spent his life yearning and reading romance novels but had the traumatic reality of being a gay man forced into a marriage with a woman who didn't love him. so he does crave a partner who actually loves him. a lot of people on the fandom side with him because of this; he's done a couple of weak attempts at trying to be something beyond sex with boss and they weren't reciprocated, so a lot of people view boss as the bad guy. but they're not, yknow, taking into account the fact that this whole arrangement they had going on put so much power in prince's hands and left boss feeling like his life is basically at the mercy of this prince.

the prince tried to rectify this in the latest episode: he got a crystal for boss that fulfills the same purpose the book did, so boss no longer needs to rely on prince to do his job. prince did this with the hope that they could still continue their relationship, just as one that was no longer transactional. basically, prince was trying to make it healthy, which is good on him! the problem is that boss has a Lot of issues and trauma!

boss believes that prince could never truly love him, so when presented with this crystal and the prince's speech about how he's no longer obligated to be there but he still hopes he'll stay because he wants to stay: boss assumes it's some kind of weird roleplay thing. the gears in his brain are basically grinding horribly doing mental gymnastics trying to fathom what this could mean. prince can't possibly mean this, prince only wants sex, he definitely doesn't love him, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay thing.

when the prince realizes this is the conclusion boss has drawn, he basically pisses his little diaper and starts crying. like "wah wah why can't you see i love you why do you always assume it's about sex" basically making himself the victim now and the biggest problem about this argument is that from this point forward he will not allow boss to get a WORD IN. boss is literally begging like "can you please just give me a minute to fucking absorb what is happening right now, you sprung this on me all at once and i need a minute to process" but prince is like NO YOUVE GIVEN ME YOUR ANSWER YOU NEVER LOVED ME AND YOU REFUSE TO SEE THAT I LOVE YOU

so now boss is just pissed off! the guy won't let him get a word in or talk about his feelings or why he interpreted it the way he did and this is essentially prince breaking up with him because of the 'you've given me your answer' thing, so he's mad so he starts saying shit that he know will hurt prince, because prince is hurting him right now so his hurt animal brain response is to just say anything that'll sting no matter how much he really means it. stuff like "you royals are all the same, you think you can play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important. you think you can dismiss me like one of your little butler imps, well i'm not letting you bitch" after which prince literally physically dismisses him by teleporting him out of the castle, which kinda proves his point honestly bc he used his royal powers to end the conversation even tho boss literally just said that they still needed to talk and this was Not how their relationship was about to end because he hadn't even been allowed to talk about his own feelings or explain his point of view or Anything.

i will acknowledge that from prince's point of view it's probably frustrating and saddening that ur boytoy won't believe you genuinely love him, but truly there were only a few times prince actually Tried to make an attempt to make things beyond sex happen. one of these occasions was after they'd been publicly humiliated at oz's club, and prince asked if boss maybe wanted to watch a movie or a cuddle, to which boss replied "i'm not in the mood, stop trying to pretend like what we have is anything more than you wanting me to fuck you. you make that really clear all the time." and the conversation ended there. boss sounded very close to crying when he said "you make that really clear all the time" as well. and you wanna know something? THATS TRUE!!! the big thing that annoys me about prince is that in these later episodes he's acting like he was soso normal amount boss and was never obsessively weird and sexual towards him even tho that's ALL HE EVER WAS IN EARLY SHOW!!! and i think ppl who take his side in this argument seem to forget that as well. if you watch early episodes the prince is just Uncomfortably sexual towards boss, like it's all he talks about, he was even talking sexually to him in front of his Daughter. like huh prince, i wonder why boss would be under the impression that you view him as a sexual object? it's not like you answer the phone with "hello my big dicked bliitzy" or anything? no hi hello? just gonna talk about how much you want his cock down your throat? did you forget about that? did you suddenly forget how you behaved towards him during all of season 1?

to defend the prince A Little it seems he was under the impression that boss was in to dirty talk but i can't even use that defense for very long because boss was obviously not reciprocating?? like he was obviously rolling his eyes or being like UGHHHHHH every time prince would talk to him like that in a non-sexual setting, so you can't use the misunderstanding excuse for very long when boss made it so obvious he was Not reciprocating and was telling him to Stop. stop doing that. stop saying those things. they're annoying/cringey/uncomfortable. stop. especially since when he would get really into it, it really made it sound like he was fetishizing boss' species (idk just weird emphasis on his red skin and the fact that he's an imp in general) and the way he spoke just made it really apparent to me why boss would assume prince just has a fetish for imps or has fantasies about peasants rawdogging him. like the way this guy talked really did make it seem like he viewed boss as a sexual object/fantasy. like im begging some ppl to go back and watch season 1 and listen to how this guy spoke about boss, seriously.

so yeah, basically, my conclusion is that while prince was trying to do the right thing by giving boss that crystal and setting him free, he also handled the rest of the argument horribly by not allowing boss to speak or process anything, and isn't doing any introspection on why boss thinks he doesn't love him! he didn't examine his own behavior and think about what possible fault he could have in it, he just started to play victim and cry and sent boss away before they could have any kind of productive conversation.

i do like this argument from a writing standpoint because if this were an an i the asshole post the ruling would probably be the "everyone sucks" result because it's a very messy dynamic they have and they both screwed up. i am not at all saying that even if boss Did truly think prince loved him that he would be the perfect partner; we had an entire episode dedicated to how boss hurts the people who love him. he broke up with verrossika specifically because she told him she loved him. boss isn't a good person! what i am saying is that this argument isn't even close to black and white, and boss isn't this asshole who hurted princey's widdle feelings based entirely on his own insecurities (although his insecurities do play a part in it). basically some people just act like the entire reason boss thinks prince could never truly love him is just because boss is insecure and thinks Nobody could love him because of his own self hatred, but that simply isn't true. prince has displayed plenty of behavior that paints himself unfavorably and supports boss' beliefs that he views him as a sexual object and nothing more. i refuse to allow ppl to paint the bird man as a victim who did nothing wrong in this situation

[chocolatepot]

THE Captain Bonnet suit is, of course, the light turquoise one from the first and ninth episodes, the one most fanart depicts him in.

This is wildly different from what he wore in his old life! The color is vivid - colorS, actually, because the waistcoat is slightly different in both iterations - and the coat and breeches are made of very shiny satin. The coat is also dripping with braid, and actually has shaping to accentuate his waist and flare out into skirts. Each end of his cravat has two lacy ruffles, and they are not hidden at all. He's still wearing the secondary tie, but it's much thinner than the others, hardly covering the main cravat. There are rosettes on his shoulders, like military epaulettes but more delicate. And the shoes, of course, have adorable white bows rather than buckles.

The other outfits Stede wears as a pirate have lots of similarities. Very bright colors, contrasting in the same outfit. The lacy cravats, frequently without a colored necktie on top (especially after he gives the black one to Ed). Closer fits. Velvets and satins. Embroidery. The all-white "man for sale" outfit!

It's tricky to situate these costumes with regard to normative English masculinity of the period. Duller colors go all the way up the social spectrum ca. 1717, but satins and velvets and embroidered waistcoats were very much a part of elite men's fashion; at the same time, the idea of the proper English gentleman went along with plainer things - see the example portraits from the last post. There were a number of effeminate male stereotypes in the 18th century, even before the macaronis of the 1770s, usually incorporating a supposed feminine interest in fashion and an affected way of speaking and acting not unlike more modern stereotypes; it wasn't unusual for them to be referred to as "neuter" and assumed to be either (what we would now call) asexual or homosexual. In that sense, the issue is less exactly what Stede would wear, and more that he clearly cares a lot about it, amassing a large wardrobe and being exacting in having it made up a certain way.

Within the context of the show and the way other gentlemen dress in it (not counting the party aristocrats because they're basically clowns, but Stede's father and the men in Bridgetown), Stede's pirate style is definitely not normative. It's queer. It's not just Stede bringing his aristocratic/gentry style to sea and reveling in his class privilege, it's him taking up a style that he is not allowed to wear as a supposedly heterosexual patriarch. It's even in his nightclothes - the nightshirts he wears on the Revenge have ruffles and lace, and the ones at home range from "basically just a shirt" (1x10) to "well, there's a tiny bit of embroidery" (1x04 flashbacks).

There is one outfit - well, technically three - that does something really subtle with this.

Stede apparently owns three fairly similar coats trimmed with gold braid and two matching waistcoats, one on sea and two on land. The one he wears in 1x05 is made of a damask (you can see the pattern woven into the fabric if you look at it full-size) and uses two different types of braid; he also wears it with a prominently knotted cravat that ends in a van dycked lace, which matches the lace on his cuffs. The 1x10 suits, on the other hand, are wool broadcloth (or something approximating it). The collarless one, which is bluer onscreen, has gold trim without as much of a pattern, and the trim on the one with a black collar is actually black with gold details.

Crucially, in 1x10, his cravat is tucked completely into his waistcoat to hide any potential lace on the ends, and his sleeves have plain or barely trimmed ruffles. He's squeezing himself back into the straight mold society requires, but at the same time ... this is a more exuberant look than his flashback outfits. The only teal he wore in them was in the family portrait, and that coat was totally unfitted and had no trim. He's fundamentally changed, both from getting to be himself on the Revenge and from the kiss on the beach - that's good and bad, encompassing both his realization of his own queerness and, you know, the whole "unhand me or bleed" thing. Instead of burying himself in books and quietly crying by himself, he's now doing things like getting drunk and confidently making scenes in public. "I don't fit here anymore, do I?" he asks Mary when they have that nighttime conversation.

I definitely get where people are coming from when they portray him as more rugged, and I'd be surprised if s2 had him acquire a full wardrobe again immediately, unless it picks up after some time's gone by. a) This show isn't overly concerned with realism, but I mean he did just arrive at the island in a dinghy with absolutely nothing and b) we do need the symbolism of him starting over. But be careful of interpreting his clothes as just a representation/extension of his class, as @appleteeth pointed out here. The way Stede dresses throughout most of s1 is very much part of his self-expression.

(Part I)

[mittensmorgul]

On one hand, I think the line "I'd rather have you, cursed or not" is very romantic and amazing, and I can totally understand why it's one of the biggest destiel quotes.

But on the other hand, that quote is prefaced by dean saying "you know what, bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench." Which makes it seem like Dean is basically saying "even though you're not very good, you're the only option we have left" which doesn't feel nice at all.

I really want to love that quote. And by itself it's lovely. But with the context, I'm not sure how it's supposed to be sweet? What am I missing?

Hi there! and honestly I appreciate this question, because you are looking at more of the context of this line and trying to understand it that way, and there's just so much bad faith interpretation happening out of context in the world these days that it's refreshing to see folks try to dig deeper! Really!

But if context is what you seek, then you're still only looking at a convenient snippet of the conversation and larger context of the scene. To understand the fullness of the significance of this line, you have to understand all of s7 really.

Dean spent the better part of the season coming to terms with the loss of Cas, only to finally get him back and then "lose" him again in one go just a few episodes ago. And then when he began to recover-- sort of, to the extent that Cas wakes up and is walking and talking for himself again by this point in the series, despite clearly being not-quite-right and burying his own responsibility for their current situation under this mountain of denial and avoidance that manifests as what the fandom commonly shorthands to "crazy!Cas" even if I personally don't see him as "crazy" here but deeply, deeply in denial and horror with himself-- when Dean thinks maybe he might have a chance of getting his friend back, what he's left with is so incredibly frustrating to him.

I mean, look at Dean's own life. He's never been able to truly lay down this burden of "fixing everything." And he's TRYING to be understanding with Cas, but he's honestly out in territory that he can't even wrap his head around. Think back to the whole "your PLAYING Sorry" scene two episodes before, where he's trying to shake Cas back into recognizing the reality of their situation and just being that person Dean had known before... between Dean feeling the urgency of their situation and Cas deliberately and repeatedly glossing over his own part in it, he sort of reached the end of his rope. He is trying so hard, though.

By this point in 7.23, he's come to an acceptance of Cas as he is now, though. Cas won't fight, Dean knows that. But he also knows how Cas CAN help, without fighting. Cas can bring him back to where his car has been hidden all season, and Dean WILLINGLY allows Cas to teleport him there. Which, in itself, is something of a miracle, you know? Dean HATES teleporting :'D

He's trying to meet Cas on his level, but again, Dean is also feeling the burden of now having to fix everything on his own. He's accepted that this will probably be his Last Stand against evil in the world, you know? He believes there's a very good chance that this is a suicide mission, and that this could be the last chance he has to even talk to Cas at all.

So bearing all that in mind, let's look at their whole conversation, not just the two lines you referred to, and I'm gonna break it down line by line:

CASTIEL: If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct?

[oh my, a shred of hope for Dean-- is Cas including himself in this mission now, after insisting for days that he will not fight? But Dean won't push it, he's just gonna be honest and let Cas make his point in his own time]

DEAN: I don't know. I guess.

CASTIEL: And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or... I don't die – I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time.

[yes, it looks like Cas is actually considering what his own role in this fight could be, but oh fuck, is this really how he views himself? his own ongoing role? this sounds borderline suicidal and awful, but do we really have time to unpack that massive suitcase right now? that's a rabbit hole dean can't afford to go down, no matter how much he might want to understand and help Cas come to terms with this, it's so far above his pay grade it hurts his head to wonder about, so he's gonna attempt a deflection]

DEAN: I'm sorry. Uh, we're talking about God crap, right?

[oh good, at least this got Cas to change the subject back to himself, back to territory Dean can understand, because Dean feels exactly this same way about himself... this is something Dean can address via the same coping mechanism he's used for himself his whole life, because this is does understand 100%]

CASTIEL: I'm not good luck, Dean.

DEAN: Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you? [CASTIEL stares at DEAN.] What?

[but lolololol of course Dean's own coping mechanisms for feeling insufficient to any task yet forced to pick up all those cosmic burdens his entire life involve baseball metaphor pep talks... tell me this isn't EXACTLY how Dean has felt about himself every single time he's had to confront the responsibility the cosmos has laid on him-- from having to raise Sam to being resurrected from Hell and forced into being Heaven's champion to "play his role" in the apocalypse... he has literally told Cas before that he wasn't the guy they needed, that it was all too big and he couldn't do it... and yet... he didn't really have a choice. He just had to nut up and do it. It's all he COULD do, you know? So this is what he has to offer Cas in this moment of mutual understanding-- his own sense of personal helplessness in the face of cosmic chaos, and the only coping strategy he has for himself, which sadly happens to be self-deprecation, acknowledgement of his own uselessness and powerlessness in this situation, and choosing to do the stupid thing anyway.

And after delivering that bit of The Worst Pep Talk to Cas, he acknowledges that he was also speaking about HIMSELF with the "i seem like good luck to you?" line, which is actually what finally makes Cas blink. Cas finally understands, Dean's NOT just prodding him to be useful, HE'S PRODDING HIMSELF to be useful, just as much. Dean ALSO feels terrified, guilty, and useless! THEY HAVE BONDED!]

CASTIEL: Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.

[YES. Cas understands! This is Dean's attempt at forgiveness! Despite the terrible Dean-mangled words, Cas sees right through him and knows, and understands]

DEAN: Yeah, well, I'm probably gonna die tomorrow, so...

[and because this is still Dean, of course he deflects, but he's also sincere here... he really does finally forgive Cas for everything he'd been holding against him since the end of s6. They have reached an understanding, at least, and have chosen to give themselves a clean slate-- as Dean once promised Bobby and Sam they would always do for each other, again back in s6 at the funeral they held for Rufus... they would never carry a grudge to their death. All would be forgiven. And despite Cas not having been part of that conversation at the time, he understands anyway. These words sound dismissive, but there's deep Character Stuff about Dean backing them up as earnest, and Cas accepts them on that level]

CASTIEL: Well, I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.

DEAN smiles slightly and nods.

DEAN: Thanks.

This is so few words to convey SO MUCH about their relationship, about what they will be willing to set aside for one another, just because they understand, forgive, and accept each other where they are, and continue to do their best just because the other one asks and needs them. Even when they're both convinced they're doomed to fail, that won't stop them from at least TRYING to do what's right, the only thing they really can do.

So with the full context of that scene, does that clear things up?

[dothwrites]

15.18 coda--the best of things

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

---

There’s something. 

This is significant because, for as long as Castiel can remember, there’s been nothing. 

The Empty alternates between shoving him forcefully into sleep and yanking him out of it, just so he can experience the full horrors of wakefulness. He wanders and doesn’t know if he’s walking, screams and listens as his cries are swallowed by the darkness. He pulls at his hair just to feel, but even that bright pain is muted. 

I want you to suffer, the Empty had warned, and so far, it’s lived up to its promise. No, he doesn’t regret anything, he’d make the same decisions time and again, as long as they led him here, but he can’t deny that he is suffering. 

It would be better if he could somehow quench the little gutter of light and warmth that still resounds in his chest, but he can never quite manage to do so. Somehow, it still beats, giving him purpose, allowing him to set his compass by its enduring beat. 

And somehow, impossibly, there’s finally something for it to latch onto. 

Castiel walks forward, feeling the sensation of movement for the first time since he can’t remember when. His steps quicken as he runs towards the something, towards something that he almost forgot. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been here, how many centuries have passed. Time ceased to have meaning a long time ago, and in between bouts of sleeping and waking, Castiel forgot the knack of telling it. Now, he remembers, along with other long forgotten concepts such as fatigue and hope. 

His long neglected heart beats then, violently, with enough force to send him staggering. Castiel runs faster. 

If he were human, if this were earth, then the breath would be tearing out of his lungs. As it is, he feels a ripping in his chest, like he’s shredding apart from the inside out. He feels like a piece of paper torn in half, and he doesn’t know how much of him will be left by the end, but he continues to sprint forward. 

There’s something up ahead. 

A faint golden glimmer, a thread of hope so slender that if he thinks about it too long then he’ll shatter. It twists and turns in front of him, so far in the distance as to almost be a mirage. 

But for once, there is distance. 

Castiel forces his legs to keep moving, even as the pain claws through his chest, ripping into his very essence. Every step brings him the worst pain he’s ever known, but he doesn’t dare to stop. He keeps his eyes fixed on the golden line, now guttering as though it’s struggling to survive. With every step, memories flood back to him. 

The scent of coffee in the mornings when he would start a fresh pot before Dean and Sam awoke. 

The smell of leather and gasoline as he sat in Baby’s backseat. 

The feel of blood and grit underneath his fingernails. 

The salt and butter molecules of popcorn exploding across his tongue as he watches yet another inane movie starring a young Harrison Ford. 

The clear sound of Charlie Bradbury’s laughter. 

The whiff of sulfur that followed Meg, the crisp ozone of Hannah, the tang of what he was informed was an ‘84 and not 19, you have no taste, Cassie, by Balthazar. 

The rough flannel of Bobby Singer’s shirt. 

The whisper of Eileen’s fingers moving through 

The fragile strength of Jack, warm through his jacket as Castiel hugged him for the last time. 

The warmth of Sam’s arm slung around his shoulders, the steadiness of him, the unwavering loyalty, the brightness of his smile and joy of his friendship. 

Dean. 

Dean. 

Dean. 

Breath finally tears out of him as he sprints, pushing legs which refuse to move faster to fly. The golden tear glows in front of him, the only bright thing in an eternity of nothing. He has to reach it. He has to. 

A scream rips out of his chest as he stumbles his way forward. By now the pain is almost overwhelming, obliterating everything else except the most basic desire for survival, but he can’t give up, he can’t, he can’t--

Even in Hell, Dean’s soul glowed like a beacon, even when he lost hope he was still the most beautiful thing Castiel had ever seen. The smoke and whiskey smell of him, the strength and gentleness of his hands, the rumble of his laugh, the rasp and growl of his voice, the careful way he handled delicate things, the light in his eyes as he would look at Sam and Jack, the sheer love he’d seen shining out of his soul--

With a desperate cry, Castiel launches himself forward, straining towards the beautiful golden tear. 

His hand goes through the rip in the world and for a second, there’s nothing, nothing, nothing--

Strong fingers grab his wrist and pull. 

It feels like being tugged through quicksand, the Empty finally realizing that something is wrong and seizing onto him. Darkness covers him, and Castiel can’t see anything, can’t scream, can’t hear. All he knows is the strength of the grip around his hand, the fierce flare of hope in his chest even amidst the ripping pain. 

No, he thinks, with all the force left to him, no, I want--

Something finally bursts in his chest, and he thinks he screams, though he doesn’t hear any sound leave his mouth. Instead, he’s pulled, shredded, torn apart, eviscerated, and then, and then--

There’s light and sound and sensation and touch and smell and taste and a thousand different things like gravity and mass and body and Castiel can only gasp, helpless as a newborn as his sightless eyes blink through all the light. 

He’s shivering, cold and aching, and he’s never felt this kind of pain before, but it’s glorious. He wouldn’t give up feeling like this for anything, the sunburst of agony flaring through his body as he tries to sort through his senses to try and understand where he is. 

Something warm and soft settles over his shoulders and it’s then that Castiel becomes aware of his body, down to his toes and fingers and the tip of his nose. Naked, he thinks, somewhat innocuously, that’s why i was cold. 

Then the larger realization comes, which is, if he was naked, that means that he has a body to be unclothed. 

With a final blink, sight returns, though it’s unreliable. Smears of color appear and disappear from his vision, too quickly for him to hope to make sense of them. Sound returns, in deep rumbles like he’s underwater. Stop, he tries to say, let me just wait a second, but his voice doesn’t seem to work. He opens his mouth and all that emerges is a pathetic sounding croak. 

Syllables garble above him and then something cool and hard is pressed to his mouth. Cold and wet explodes over his lips and tongue, and Castiel thinks Water. 

It’s never tasted this good before. 

He gulps greedily until the glass is taken from him. He whines, wanting more, but his wordless request is denied. Touch explodes over his cheeks, his neck, and shoulders, and Castiel struggles to make sense of it. He would like to rest in the comfort of those hands, but they’re gone before he can process their being there at all. 

The sound coalesces into a single word, and Cas blinks, stupefied. He knows that word. More importantly, he knows that voice. 

He tries to force his rusted voice to work, but only a low croak comes out. Frustrated, he licks his lips and tries again, putting all of his force into the word. 

“Dean?” 

Touch returns to his cheeks and this time, it stays. He blinks again, and the haze in front of his eyes clears, and he can finally see that face, familiar and beloved. 

“Dean?” he asks, sure that he must be dreaming, even though the Empty never allowed him to do so. Perhaps this is a hallucination, a cruel manifestation of his hopes, perhaps he’s still there, in all that nothing, and this is no more than a dream--

“Cas, stay with me,” Dean says, his voice urgent and worried. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” His voice breaks on the last repetition and warmth envelops Castiel. 

A hug. Dean is hugging him, somewhat fiercely, if the lack of air in his lungs is to be trusted. 

Castiel blinks, surprised. He’s never needed air before. Come to think of it, he’s never needed water either. 

He shifts underneath the blanket, careful not to dislodge Dean’s arms from around his body. His palm presses flat against his chest. Underneath it, he can feel his heart, beating steady and strong. 

“Human?” he asks, blinking in wonder. 

Dean’s arms release him, though they take a long time to do so, as though he’s regretful. “Yeah,” he says. Castiel’s eyes aren’t working well enough to pick out the intricacies of his facial expression, but he thinks he sees guilt in the depths of Dean’s eyes. 

“It was the only way to get you out. Sam found the spell and Jack powered it up, and I...” It’s then that Castiel comes aware that one of Dean’s hands is bleeding, is leaving smears of red across the blanket and the skin. “I did what I had to do, but there was a catch.” Dean’s breath hitches for a moment before he looks back at Castiel. “You see, we looked into it, and it turns out that the Empty only cares about angels and demons. Humans, it doesn’t have any power over. So in order to get you out--”

“Human,” Castiel repeats, his mind working through the problem. It’s an elegant solution in its simplicity. The ripping and tearing makes sense, as does the pain. 

Anna described tearing out her grace as the worst pain she’d ever felt, like digging a kidney out with a spoon. Castiel understands. His whole body aches with the memory, muscles screaming for rest, his stomach for sustenance, and his nerves for peace. He doesn’t want to sleep; there’s been too much of that. But he does want to rest. 

“Dean.” Castiel pauses to let the word sit on his tongue, to feel the weight of it. It feels as good as it ever did. 

“Yeah, Cas?” 

Castiel could get lost in Dean’s eyes. Have they always been that green? Have those crow’s feet always bracketed them, like lines on a map, proof of a life well lived? 

“Home?” Castiel finally asks, once he realizes that Dean is waiting for an answer. “Can we go home?” 

Dean’s face splits in a smile, kinder than the dawn and brighter than the sun. “Yeah,” he says, though he makes no effort to move. “Yeah, Cas, we can go home.” 

Castiel tilts his head, wondering why Dean doesn’t move. Instead, he looks like he’s working himself up towards something. His teeth bite at his lower lip, while his eyes dart to either side of Castiel, like they can’t bear to land on his face. An unwelcome spike of fear lances at Castiel’s chest. 

“Dean,” he begins, but a harsh movement stops him. 

“I gotta say this,” Dean says, his voice rough. “What you said, before you were...” He swallows before he finally looks at Cas, his eyes brimming over with tears. “I haven’t been able to sleep in a year because all I could think was that I never had a chance to say it back to you.”

Hope flares and bursts in Castiel’s heart. A happiness so bright it’s searing tears through him, and this time, he can feel it, he can feel it all, he can have it--

“I love you,” Dean says, his unbloodied hand resting on Castiel’s cheek. “I love everything about you, you stupid bastard, and don’t you ever, ever try and leave me again, don’t you ever, you’d better die after me because I’m going to stick with you until we’re old and gross and creaky and we’re going to have to figure out how to have old people sex with all my fake joints and--” 

“Sex?” Castiel’s brain might not be working fast enough to pick up on every word Dean says, but he’s aware enough for that. 

Dean blushes, the tips of his ears turning red. “Yeah. I mean. If you wanted. And if you didn’t want, that’s fine, because i know you said once that angels didn’t--”

“I’d very much like to have sex with you,” Castiel interrupts, because even in his state, he can see when Dean is trying to work himself into a hole. “But not right now.” Exhaustion hits him like a wave, dragging him under and only reluctantly giving him up. He looks up at Dean, finally allowing himself to be weak, allowing Dean to step in and take care of him. “Home?” he repeats, wanting nothing more than to sink into Dean’s bed and rest. 

“Yeah, Cas. Let’s go home.” Dean shifts, but doesn’t move, and Castiel is just about to complain about the lack of progress on the home front when Dean leans forward. His eyes are determined, his lips slightly parted, his hand trembling where it rests on Castiel’s cheek. Fireworks and galaxies explode in Castiel when he realizes Dean’s intentions. 

He’s lived through several ice ages, through meteors and wars, through life and death and rebirth. He’s seen the formation of planets and constellations, seen entire solar systems collapse into themselves only to birth a new sun. 

But he’s never seen or felt anything as wondrous as the first touch of Dean’s lips on his. 

The kiss is soft, barely pressure, but it feels like everything. It feels like a promise and a wish. It feels like a homecoming. 

It feels like a beginning. 

---

Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.― Stephen King

A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.― C. JoyBell C.

[crystalelemental]

Unit Teambuilding - Looker

I’m so happy Looker’s in.  I know he’s not that good, but I’m just glad he’s around.

General Overview Looker’s sync damage is marginally better than Plumeria’s on-type, and worse off-type.  That should sum up the kit.

Looker’s got some intense move multipliers, but Poison Jab is notably low BP, and he’s going to struggle to seriously perform without support.  His trainer move can cap his attack in one use if you take Berserker 2 on grid, but don’t take Berserker 2 on grid, it’s expensive and out of the way.  So really, he’s using +4 attack.  Dire Hit+ is also slow, so personally, I say just give him an attack/crit buffer as support, and use the trainer move for Supereffective Up Next and an EX Striker sync.  His other main gimmick is Poison.  Two moves with 30% chances, and Toxic Chance 2, which is a 30% chance to...just poison.  So it’s basically Hostile Environment.  Hostile Environment also exists on grid, to push this to 90%, but (1) why is it a lower chance than Allister, and (2) he can’t really afford it without losing important damage multipliers.  His grid’s a bit rough.

But my hope is that, over time, Looker stocks will rise.  Poison Zone isn’t in the game yet, and one really good role compression support can salvage a character quickly.  Something like...oh I dunno...Anabel with Naganadel, who has Poison Zone and a method to debuff defenses?  Emma with Mimi the Espurr as a support that can top off his offenses and give him something else to work with?  I’m just spitballing here.  But in absence of that...yeah this guy’s not looking too great.  I mean...he is looking great, it’s in the code name, but I mean his viability.  It’s pretty sad that I legitimately feel he’s not clearly surpassing Plumeria.  Which is extra dire because Plumeria is getting another great partner in Brendan, and will be eligible for grid expansion now.

Team 1: Looker, Nanu, Sonia/Lana If I don’t make a theme team somewhere I will die, and in this case, he gets to partner with Nanu for the defense debuffs.  Sonia, Hop, or Aaron are picks to buff attack and crit at the same time, effectively allowing Looker to save his trainer move for Supereffective Up Next on an EX Striker sync.  But as an alternative support, Lana.  Lana can provide the remaining attack buffs, as well as some defense buffs, and Gradual Healing.  Considering a big part of Looker’s build is Poison damage, which is additional damage over time, defensive buffs and sustain isn’t a bad approach for him.  But frankly Sonia’s just better for that angle, capping defense and having pop heals, so...

Team 2: Looker, SS Leaf/BP Erika, Summer Hilda/Kiawe Looker doesn’t necessarily need to hit Poison by himself.  You can always partner him with a Toxic unit, to set up better passive damage and still activate his multipliers.  SS Leaf is ideal, bringing Toxic, Sundering, and unreasonable amounts of healing potential, in addition to her own offensive potential.  Support options have two approaches.  One is Summer Hilda, who can debuff foe’s defense every time she’s hit at full investment, and will always offer +1 attack when hit.  Because Looker caps crit and can get +4 attack, Summer Hilda is a pretty solid pick, and likely to be an optimal pick for a potential Poison Zone user in the future.  Alternatively, Kiawe offers Looker great gauge control, Double Potion MPR, and Shadow Bone to debuff defense.  In the case of Kiawe, you could use BP Erika to set Toxic instead, since you don’t necessarily need SS Leaf’s healing support.  Erika also has the bonus of Trap damage for further passive damage, so you know, considerations.

Team 3: Looker, Winona/May, Falkner/SC Jasmine “What is this?”  Me reaching.  Really hard.  Looker’s only other odd utility is having some fairly interesting Rain stuff going on, that unfortunately does not include multipliers.  As a result, Looker can appreciate a team where Rain is a focus, since he’s able to recover HP per action, reduce damage 10%, and quickly charge the move gauge with its support.  This means he can pair well with Winona or May for their Gauntlet-focused team comps.  Winona works against Bulu, who Looker can also dunk on in Bar 2, while May is strong against Entei and Moltres, who Looker can help take down faster with Poison, which is extra valuable against Entei’s rapidly increasing defenses.  Choice of supporter could vary, but Falkner has mixed offense buffing and crit rate, and is notably a strong choice against Entei and Moltres thanks to the high flinch.  Alternatively, SC Jasmine can rapidly buff special defense alongside the crit rate he needs, and the special attack his partners need, relegating Looker more to the role of Poison bot.

Final Thoughts Looker, true to form, is a weirdo.  His Poison type damage, I feel, leaves a lot to be desired.  He’s the kind of offensive unit who is absolutely desperate to get defense debuffs on a foe to improve his shoddy performance.  He’s also this weirdo who has a very respectable Poison chance, and an off-beat Rain set that...well, he can’t tank with it at all, but he can at least work as a solid secondary damage dealer through his Poison application and regenerative effects.  I don’t think Looker is anything revolutionary, but it’s nice to have another Poison type sync pair in the game.  And if all goes well, Anabel and Naganadel will be the ideal partner for him.  Please game.  I believe in you.  Give me Tech Anabel with Poison Zone, and Support Emma with Mimi who’s a mixed offense buffer for the two of them.

[thetrap]

why i think deancas just might go canon

i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.

1. andrew dabb is deancas positive

i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:

- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02) 

- "don't lose it over one man"

- "he's in love.....with humanity"

- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22

- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow

- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23

- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01

- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"

and these are just the big moments.

also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”

the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.

2. the mixtape

i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.

and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).

the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.

and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???

yeah so. definitely not platonic.

3. the trap

honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.

there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.

like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!

hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.

3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15

this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:

But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)

the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”

now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??

yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?

keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.

aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.

also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.

another quote from dabb re “the trap”:

(x)

it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.

lastly:

a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.

4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units

i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.

this theory comes from two points:

1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all

this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.

2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”

like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.

5. dean does not do Well without cas

this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).

two of these are from “the trap”:

1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory

2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world

3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13

the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.

part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.

to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.

5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga

so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.

this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):

1. the rupture

2. the trap

3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)

so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:

1. the rupture (the breakup)

2. the trap (the reconciliation)

3. depair (???)

keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.

(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)

to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...

6. cas does not cry

i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.

cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.

cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.

yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?

my guys.....i can only think of one thing.

[shirtlesssammy]

15x20: Carry On

Warning: Boris is a salty, sad fangirl right now so the first part of this recap might be more bitter, reductive venting than is necessary. Please skip ahead to enjoy Natasha’s far more nuanced and enjoyable second half of the recap.

The Road So Far: Cue Carry On Wayward Son

Then:

Salmondean Winchester, the boy with the demon blood and daddy’s blunt little instrument, finally defeats Chuck and gets a taste of true free will

Now:

*Fun domestic montage*

Sam Dean gets a dog! (Okay, fine, Miracle is super cute, and a complete stand-in for Cas --but that thought just sends me on another anger spiral.) 

Dean squeezes the shit out of that dog, and I hurt for that touch-starved man. 

Sam goes for a run, so like, I guess his life is the same. (thanks to Dean always protecting him and allowing him some normalcy in life) (I’m bitter, remember?) 

Dean Sam makes breakfast! Dean brushes his teeth! Sam is SHIRTLESS one last time! 

*Shirtless Sammy Alert*

Dean’s room is INEXPLICABLY messy! I do get what this whole montage is doing, and it’s nice, but I’m pretty sure when Becky said the fans like the domestic stuff, it was supposed to include CAS AND OTHER FAMILY. Basically, overlay the Where’s the Angel? gif all over this sequence for me. 

And finally, we find the boys are still hunting. Because freedom is just a length of rope. 

Dean finds a case, but first they have to stop and get pie! Yay! Dean loves pie, and women, and fast cars. Grumpy-faced Sam humors his big, dumb brother. Yay! 

Dean Sam thinks about Cas and Jack. Dean brushes off the thought with a Wherps, gotta keep moving attitude, and I already WANT TO SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. Sam then pies Dean in the face, so we have that. 

In suburban America, a mother starts to ready her children for bed. There’s a knock at their door and the father answers it. There’s nobody there, and as he turns around, he’s knifed in the back, his wife looking on in horror.

Skull masked killers enter the home. The mother and children run upstairs. The mother is quickly dispatched, and the kids soon follow. 

Agents Singer and Kripke check out the crime scene.

They learn more about the parents: exsanguinated and throat ripped out father, tongue ripped out mother. The children are missing. The cop shows a drawing of the killers. Dean (in a wildly out of character move!) uses his photographic memory to remember a case his fucking father botched back in the day. Dean pulls out the journal (MY GOD THERE’S BEEN NO GROWTH) 

For TFW Science (because Cas is the tree):

They determine they’re dealing with a roaming band of vampires. 

At night, a couple of vampmimes arrive at a house. Dean beheads one right away. Sam shoots the other with dead man’s blood. Dean removes the mask to reveal a normal looking vampmime. Why the masks?? Dean wants answers, and Dean “I’m not a killer” Winchester threatens the vamp with a quick death or slow death (with a spoon). The vamp spills the kids’ whereabouts. 

*Much Anticipated Barn Scene Alert* 

(Psych! Don’t get your hopes up, what lies ahead is bullshit.) 

The masked vamps are crawling all over the joint, but Dean and Sam Winchester can handle it! This is a milk run! They get the kids free and face the big bads. 

Fight! Chop! Slice! The boys are overwhelmed. Sam gets knocked out one last time. Dean’s held down to the ground so OMG GUYS!!! JENNY IS BACK!??!?!!? I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THEY GOT HER BACK!! (This joke is so old by now and it’s only been 3 days, sigh.) I did not remember her at all (but then I’m a TFW purest and tend to not watch the early seasons ---and I NEVER HAVE TO AGAIN!) (Natasha: coughs and points at our recap list.) (Boris: shit.) Dean remembers though, and talks just long enough for Sam to wake and chop her head off. See ya, Jenny! 

More fighting! 

Sam takes out another vamp and Dean tussles with the last one ---and is pushed backwards right into the rebar hook in the wall. So that happened. (I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m a ROILING CESSPOOL OF ANGER AND CONFUSION AND BITTER RIGHT NOW.) 

Sam kills the vamp. He’s ready to find the kids and leave. “Sam, I don’t think I’m going anywhere.” 

Dean pulls Sam close. HE’S BEEN IMPALED! Poor little snowman. Dean makes Sam promise not to try to resurrect him. He tells Sam that he’s proud of him and that he’s always looked up to him. That he was scared to be rejected by Sam in that very first episode when he went to get him from college. “I must’ve stood outside your door for hours. Because I didn’t know what you would say. Tell me to get lost or to get dead.” JESUS SHOW JUST LET DEAN LIVE AND BE LOVED. (Boris: In the alt version where Cas is there too, he’s instead telling Cas about watching him outside the Gas ‘n Sip. why do I do this to myself?) 

Sam cries, afraid to go through the world alone. Dean tells Sam to always keep fighting, tells him he loves him, and DIES. He dies clutching his chest and the whole season we think we’ve been getting heart and chest imagery as a symbol of love but instead it was just? Foreshadowing? Of getting impaled through the chest cavity and dying? 

Dean dies, and Sam is wrecked, and I call up 911 to inform them that I have been ROBBED of one Dean Winchester finally getting to live his life. (This is indeed, a beautifully acted scene. I just...wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing about it.)

Sam burns Dean on a lonely pyre, with nobody else around but the dog.

For Sam Gets a Dog but at What Cost Science:

Sam wakes alone, in mourning. There’s no dialogue - only a Sad!Sam montage of remembering the people he’d lost in the bunker. (Was this script only like 5 pages?) One of Dean’s cell phones rings. It’s a sheriff who’d been referred to Dean by Donna. (DONNA DOESN’T KNOW FML) There’s a case, so Sam takes off. He shuts down the bunker and it goes dark.

We cut to Dean in Heaven. It’s beautiful - a wilderness of mountains. Dean’s greeted by Bobby sitting at the quiet Roadhouse. Bobby tells Dean that he’s free - and Heaven’s free. Jack opened Heaven and tore down the walls before he took off for places unknown. I am GLAD ABOUT THIS. It’s about time for Heaven to be a true reward, but this show took Dean TOO SOON. “It ain’t just Heaven, Dean. It’s the Heaven you deserve.” Bobby drops one last reveal: “Cas helped.” 

They drink together. “it’s almost perfect,” Dean says. 

“He’ll be along,” is Bobby’s quiet response. (Our hearts rise thinking about Cas.) Time’s different in Heaven, Bobby explains. (Boris: Jeremy Bearimy, baby!) “What are you gonna do now, Dean?” Dean decides to go for a drive. He gets into Baby and drives away to the tune of “Carry on my wayward son.”

Cut to a montage showing Sam raising a child with “Dean” on the coveralls. (To quote a friend of mine: That goes against basic child safety, Sam!) While Dean drives, Sam raises a son.

In Sam’s house, the portraits only show pictures of the original Winchesters: Sam, Dean, Mary, John. Me to set dressers: EXTREME SIDE EYE - way to show Sam’s “full life.” Sam kept the Impala in storage, and possibly sits in it and weeps from time to time, as one does.

Much later, Sam dies in his home of “old age disease,” as someone on Tumblr put it. “It’s okay, you can go now,” baby Dean tells Sam, mirroring Sam’s words to his brother. AAAAAND Sam out. Remember, words can kill, kids!

Dean stops on a beautiful bridge and gets out to survey the world.

Dean smiles and the camera pans out. “Hey, Sammy,” he says. The boys are wearing the same outfits as the first episode because SYMBOLISM. (Boris: Symbolism? Like there was no growth or change or...Boris will stay out of your mentions.) (Natasha: Exactly.) They hug, and I do get emotional, because I’m not the burnt and broken shell of a fan that I may appear to be.

We get a “thank you” from Jared and Jensen on the bridge, and then the camera pans away to show the crew. We send them a giant box of MASKS FOR FUCK’S SAKE. And then we set this episode aside as unfulfilling fan fiction and move on with our lives.

Am I sad to see this show end? Yes, I am! Were there things I liked about this episode? Sure! Were there things I so viscerally disliked that I’m still sleeping poorly? Absolutely. That’s love, right? We’re still raw, but we WILL BE BACK on Monday with a new recap of an old episode. See you all then!

Quote on My Wayward Son:

I don’t have a choice. This is my destiny

It’s like running into somebody from high school, you know? Somebody you don’t want to see

Stay with me, please

I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna be with you right here, every day

Cas helped

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[notebooknebula]

Leverage Books to Grow Your Real Estate Business with Max Keller & Jay Conner

https://www.jayconner.com/leverage-books-to-grow-your-real-estate-business-with-max-keller-jay-conner/

Max Keller is a Best Selling Author, Investor, Entrepreneur, and National Speaker

Max joins Jay Conner to teach everyone how to create success.

Max went from being a full-time high school Math Teacher to creating multiple successful real estates and marketing businesses. He has published multiple books and currently licensees his lead generation systems to real estate professionals all over the country.

Although business is Max’s new full-time obsession, one thing has never left… the heart of a teacher. Max loves the opportunity to teach, inspire, and share real-world applications that can transform the lives of business owners.

Max earned his B.B.A. in Finance from The University of Texas at Austin and his M.A. in Teaching from Louisiana College. He has over 15 years of experience in real estate, finance, and teaching, and he was named the 2019 Industry Innovator of the Year. A few of his current roles are consultant, teacher, author, speaker, and expert panelist. He has flipped over 100 houses and is on a mission to help real estate agents and real estate investors have customers chasing them.

Max created Savior Publishing House as a way to serve his community and help seniors with their real estate challenges. The Savior brand of companies focuses on providing Christian real estate and business solutions to our clients. Max enjoys spending time with his wife and children and engaging in family activities, such as being involved at church and going on vacation. He is passionate about investing time in his family.

Timestamps:

0:01 – Get Ready To Be Plugged Into The Money

1:42 – Jay’s New Book: “Where To Get The Money Now”- https://www.JayConner.com/Book

2:59 – Today’s guest: Max Keller

5:26 – How Max Keller got into the real estate business

7:19 – Max Keller’s first real estate deal.

8:23 – Max Keller’s struggles during his start-up in the real estate business

13:29 – Max Keller’s marketing strategy in finding deals in the senior market

17:41 – They see me differently because I have a book – Max Keller

20:38 – Let Max Keller help you create your own book for your real estate business.

27:34 – ‘Real Estate Investors’ Book Writing Checklist” – https://www.DealsChasingYou.com/Conner

28:57 – Max Keller’s parting advice: Lead with value.

Private Money Academy Conference:

https://jaysliveevent.com/live/?oprid=&ref=42135

Have you read Jay’s new book: Where to Get The Money Now? It is available FREE (all you pay is the shipping and handling) at https://www.JayConner.com/Book

Free Webinar: http://bit.ly/jaymoneypodcast

Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. Without using his own money or credit, Jay maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $64,000 per deal.

What is Real Estate Investing? Live Private Money Academy Conference

https://youtu.be/QyeBbDOF4wo

YouTube Channel

https://www.youtube.com/c/RealEstateInvestingWithJayConner

iTunes:

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/private-money-academy-real-estate-investing-jay-conner/id1377723034

Listen to our Podcast:

https://realestateinvestingdeals.mypodcastworld.com/11247/leverage-books-to-grow-your-real-estate-business-with-max-keller-jay-conner

Real Estate Investing With Jay Conner

Jay Conner

00:02:40

My special guest knows how to teach and create success. In addition to that, my guest and friend went from being a full-time high school math teacher to creating in such a short period of time, a moldable successful real estate and marketing businesses. In fact, he’s published multiple books and currently licenses his special proprietary lead generation systems to real estate professionals all over the country. Also, I want you to know that all of those businesses are my friend’s new full-time obsession. But one thing has not changed, and that is his heart of being a teacher.

He’s got a servant’s heart. He’s always looking to give value and he loves teaching. He loves the opportunity to teach, inspire, and share real world applications that can transform your business. In addition to that, my special guest and friend has been investing in real estate. He’s got 15 years of experience in real estate, finance, and teaching. And as a matter of fact, he was named the 2019 Industry Innovator of the Year. Also, he has already flipped over 100 houses. In addition to that, he’s created a company called Savior Publishing House as a way to serve his community and to help senior citizens with their real estate challenges, enjoy spending time with his wife and children engaged in family activities. And something very, very important to him is being very involved in his local church, just like me and Carol Joy. With that, welcome to the show my good friend, Max Keller.

Max Keller

00:04:57

Hey, good to be here. Let’s go.

Jay Conner

00:05:00

It is awesome to have you on here, Max. Good to see you again. You and I are in a fellow mastermind. You and I have probably known each other now for about 3 years or so. And I tell you, it’s just amazing to watch all the phenomenal successes and the growth of your company that you’ve got going on. We’re going to be talking about private money with you here on the show today. But before we jump in, tell us, Max, how did you get into real estate?

Max Keller

00:05:28

It was sort of by accident. So, I was teaching Math at an inner city school. I was coaching football, basketball, and track, and I didn’t want to actually get into real estate full time. I just saw it as a passive income opportunity. My pay was pretty much fixed to being a teacher. And so I was like, I got to do something as my kids were getting older. So what I did was I just wanted to maybe get one or two rentals a year. I figured if I did that over a period of time, I could have a pretty good nest egg and then pass it on. What ended up happening in 2015 was I just kind of got sucked into real estate. I mean, it’s not just a good way to make money over long periods of time, but you can really increase the active income.

So I basically just got a local mentor. I worked all day as a teacher and then at night I would work for him. And within about 3 months I got a couple of houses under contract wholesale. One made about $16,000, which is like 4 months worth of teacher pay. I Then did it again. And then another time. And I just decided I needed to go full-time. And so that’s what I did. I just went full-time, I made the leap, it was a lot easier to source deals back then in 2015, 2016 than it is right now, but there’s still ways to do it. You just have to know what you’re doing, execute, and level up your marketing. And so that’s sort of been the journey that I’m on. I’m in Dallas Fort Worth and it’s very competitive like a lot of markets. And so what happened with me, I just had to figure out a better way to do my marketing because if you don’t have leads in your business, whether they’re for private money or for deals, you don’t have a business. So that’s kind of what happened to me. It’s been an amazing journey and it just keeps evolving every day.

Jay Conner

00:07:19

So was your first deal, a wholesale deal, a fix and flip, what was it?

Max Keller

00:07:23

So I have pretty good credit because I didn’t use it. That’s what’s kind of funny about credit. If you use it a lot, you don’t get very much more and your credit score is low. I had gone through when I was a teacher, like the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University model, so I had all my debts paid off. I didn’t understand how to leverage debt in a good way yet. So, I actually took down my first property with a line of credit, I guess I kind of really wholetailed it, I technically took title to it and then just sold it, like I did a closing 4 weeks later to a cash buyer. But yeah, it was $16,000. I mean, I didn’t squeeze every ounce of juice out of the deal like I could have, but what I did have back then, which was really important, is having some really consistent, solid buyers. And that allowed me to create some opportunities for bigger chunks of cash today. And then it allowed me to leverage into long-term assets.

Jay Conner

00:08:23

What were some of your early struggles when you were starting out?

Max Keller

00:08:26

I think probably the first one was what to focus on and like who to market to. So it’s funny. I do a lot of marketing now and I’ve gotten a lot better at it. But at first, the challenge was that marketing because there’s so many other people sending out the exact same thing to everybody. And so as the competition kept going up in our market, the return on my ad spend kept getting lower and lower. And so I had to figure out basically what I figured out in my market was the problem that we were having was every other investor and wholesaler were sending the same messages to the same people. Like if they’re on my list, they’re probably on other people’s lists, too. And we have hedge funds entering our market pretty early on and they were paying really, really high prices.

So I knew that if I was just going to only compete on price and compete against people who have multimillion dollar marketing budgets, that was going to be a tough order. So the good news is I just thought about what the problem was and said maybe I don’t need to take down every deal in Dallas Fort Worth. What’s the best niche I can focus on? And so what I did and what I would encourage people to consider, even if they’re brand new is like, I just kind of outlined what’s a perfect deal for me. And for me, a perfect deal is one where I make good profit on the deal because of a larger profit deal and a smaller one. They take about the same amount of time. Number two is I want to work with people that aren’t resisting me. Like, I would go over to people’s houses and they would argue with me when I showed them the comps and they hadn’t moved in 20 years.

They don’t have a real estate background. And I was like, this is kind of a joke. And so that was number two. I want to work with people who are like, “You’re the expert who helped me,” and I want to work with people that I just enjoyed working with, who were just nice people that just didn’t have a clear path. And so those are the kind of people I wanted to work with. I made a list when I’d already done about 30 or 40 deals, most of the deals that I’d already done didn’t meet all of those criteria, but the ones that did, you didn’t have to be rocket scientists to figure out what the pattern was and that they were senior citizens, they were senior homeowners. So that was sort of my first marketing A-ha moment, was that there’s this really large, fastest-growing niche in our real estate space that I could target with different messages.

Senior homeowners have different needs than millennial homeowners. They just do. They’re interested in different stuff. They have different questions. So instead of sending everybody the same message, “I’ll buy your house, paid cash in 7 days,” like everybody else is sending, I started sending totally different messages that were very senior-centric. And as a benefit, I got a lot more calls. I had a much higher response rate and then kind of the next thing that happened after that real quick was about a senior’s house. It was the dad, and his adult children were there. So he was probably in his early ’80s and the kids were in their ’50s, early ’60s. People were upset because they’re selling the family home. There’s a lot of memories, Christmas was right over there, but they had to do it.

The dad couldn’t stay in the house any longer. And so the adult daughter said, “I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for us. You’ve helped us out.” I found the dad a new place to live, like a senior retirement home. And she said, “You know a lot about this. Have you ever thought about writing a book about this?” I was like, Jay, my lands, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I was like, “No, I’m a Math teacher. I’m not an English teacher.” But then when I thought about it, I was like, that’s actually a pretty good idea because at the time in the little 3 cities that I focused on in this huge Dallas Fort Worth metro area, I was getting known as the guy who knew a lot about seniors.

But if I wrote a book about seniors and their housing struggles, I could be the guy who wrote the book on it. So that’s what I did. I’ve got a special gift for your audience at the end, by the way. If you’re interested in writing your own book, we’ve created the first of its kind DIY guide. It’s basically the framework that we didn’t have when we wrote our first book, but we have now for all the books that we write. I didn’t realize that a book would be such an incredible magnetic marketing engine for my business. I was selfishly just kind of tired of having the 4-hour Q and A’s in everybody’s living rooms, answering the same questions over and over for 3 years. It was kind of burning me out. So I just wrote the answers to all those questions in the book. I wrote down all the stuff that people should ask, and I just got it printed. It took a couple of hundred hours to write my first one and then I just started giving it to people and it became my ultimate business card. And it really changed the way that I market for deals and then eventually private money forever.

Jay Conner

00:13:30

So, you started focusing, as you just said, on serving and talking with senior citizens that were at the point where they needed to sell their houses.

What are your favorite marketing methods for locating the owners of these houses that may be looking to sell?

Max Keller

00:13:56

Great question. So there’s really 2 categories of marketing methods that we use. They’re the ones that we used before we had a book. And then there’s the ones that are more available to people who are experts, authorities, local celebrities. You, obviously, are in that category. And so what we did initially when we got the book, was basically just the same methods that we were using. Data is more available now than it’s ever been. It’s easier than it’s ever been to find more ways than there’s ever been for people to reach you. What’s really missing in marketing is really understanding who you’re talking to as a marketer and then sending messages that are like reading their minds.

That’s the biggest problem, okay? It’s not the list. Everybody has the same list. Everybody knows how to stack a list. You can go on YouTube, figure it out in 5 minutes. The real challenge is why would they choose you over everybody else? That’s the missing piece. And so that’s what we did. I’ll give you an example, real simple, okay. We’re getting calls from our direct mail, our door-to-door flyers, our normal calling agents and talking about if there are pocket listings. Normal stuff. So people are calling our office, right? We had just gotten the book and sometimes they’re calling with a little bit of a chip on their shoulder because they know that they’re getting all this mail, you know? So they’re like, “Hey, congratulations, you’re going to win the house lottery. You have the opportunity to come over to my house and pay me more than you probably should.”

And so when people call, they’re like, “we need you to come over right now.” And I was afraid that if I didn’t go over there real quick, they would sell it to somebody else. That’s what they teach at all the bootcamps. And that’s probably true if you don’t have a book, but if you do, you don’t have to do that because instead I would just say, “Hey, oh great! Yeah, you want us to come over? Okay. we’ll get to that. Hey, real quick, do you have a copy of our latest book?” And they’re like, “Your book?” like the whole tone changes. I go, “Yeah! We wrote the book on senior housing. I’m the Home To Home guy, the step-by-step senior housing guide.” And I press further.

“So, let me ask you a question. If I send an autographed copy of the book to your house,  you can read Chapter 3 – ‘All The Ways To Sell Your Home with Pros & Cons of Each’ before I come over. Because if you can, then I’ll come over and if you can’t, then I can’t come over. See, I’m the boss of my business. I’m the expert you’re calling and talking to the foundational source for the information that you need. So we’re going to follow my process.” It’s not being rude. It’s just a statement of fact. And so it really increases compliance, which is what you want as a business owner. Because you know the formula to help your clients better than they do. Otherwise, they’d be doing it themselves. Well, what do you think people are going to say when you ask them if they’re going to read an autographed book?

What do people say when they get your autographed book? They can’t wait. So what happens is, I pay a courier about 30 or 40 bucks. I send it over and I go, “Hey, do you still need me to come over right now? Or are you going in to foreclosure?” Then we got like a couple of days. It’s okay, a couple of days. So now I’m on my schedule, which is what I need to run a predictable business. I send the book, they read Chapter 3, but they read the rest of the chapters. Do you know what I mean? They read the story right here with me and my Momo. Do you think people think that guys who take care of their 90-year-old grandmas are scumbags or loan sharks? Heck, no. They’re like, “Man, this is, like, my new grandson, Max.”

So when I come over, they’ve read the whole book. They’ve already spent 4 or 5 hours with me and they see me differently because I have a book, you know? So it just sets the tone really well. It puts the odds in my favor. Then when I come over, I bring them the workbook and they’re just like, “Dang, it’s like Christmas around here.” And then I go through it with them. So instead of just talking about stuff or asking these lame and hard closing questions that nobody likes and it makes you look really slimy, we don’t have to do any of that stuff. Here’s the perfect example, Jay, on page 41. I tagged this page. I go, “Now, Mavis, if you’re looking at some other investors to buy your house, I totally understand that.”

I said to her, “I’d probably do the same thing, but make sure that you ask them these questions. These are the questions you’re going to want to ask to make sure you don’t get roped in with the wrong person. And by the way, you can ask me those questions, too: Do you see the credibility? Do you see the openness?” It’s like lights out. So that’s how we buy houses and it works really well. We attach it to what we’re already doing, but then the other stuff is the stuff that we didn’t even know about, which is speaking to local businesses. So one time I spoke at the probate attorney association, a monthly meeting for my county. Jay, do you think that 30 probate attorneys sitting in a room while you’re standing, that makes you the expert at what you’re delivering? Do you think some of those 30 probate attorneys in the next 2 years are going to know somebody that needs to sell their house?

Jay Conner

00:19:12

Well, it’s the perfect market that is like the revolving door of prospects for your target market.

Max Keller

00:19:19

Yeah. And so I used to think the only way to market for deals was directly to the homeowner with really standard, generic messages that get thrown in the trash. So our messages used to be in the junk mail, but now our books are on the coffee table with all the other autographed books from the local real estate experts, which, as you know, it’s not a huge stack. So, it’s about pivoting when you’ve established yourself as an authority, as an expert, as a local celebrity in your field, whatever it is. It helps make the transition going from an annoying pest, as Dan Kennedy says, to a welcome guest.  We were the pesky salespersons who were only pitching and not listening, but now we’re the educator or the non-fiduciary housing advisor. That’s just a big paradigm shift. And when you’re in front of 30 business owners, there’s an incredible amount of leverage because they know 30 prospects. So in 1 hour you can really speak to 900 people. It’s just super powerful. And I haven’t found any other method of marketing that can replicate those kinds of results.

Jay Conner

00:20:32

Well, you can’t beat the credibility of having a book. You can’t beat the credibility of knowing what you’re talking about and being an expert. So, Max, we got a lot of people here listening to the podcast and I’m sure they’re scratching their heads going, “Well, that’s a great idea, Max, but how in the world do I get me a book?”

Max Keller

00:20:52

How can I get a book? Yeah, great question. I would love to come on here and say, “Jay, I’m just such a hot shot ninja marketer that I planned all this out.” Nothing could be further from the truth. If my market wasn’t so competitive, I would have never spent 200 hours writing a book. I would have just kept scooping up deals like most people were doing in that time in these tertiary, secondary markets, but I didn’t have a choice and it worked out really good. Here’s what happened. I’m getting deals with my book. I’m in masterminds, and we’re actually in a lot of the same masterminds. So I’m in this mastermind and my friends in there, you know, investors copy what works, they’re not trying to reinvent the wheel. And they’re like, “Hey, I kinda like this.”

“I live in Florida. You’re not using your book in Florida. It turns out we got seniors there, too. You think I could use your book?” And I was like, “I don’t know.” Maybe I just didn’t understand. And then my friend in Chicago is like, “Hey, can I use your book? Hey, they got seniors in Chicago, too.” So what we did was we created a system. I brought in some of the who’s who in publishing and we created a licensing program. It turns out the secret behind this book is that 99% of it is about stuff that our ideal prospect cares about. 1% is about us. Most marketing messages are the opposite. All they do is talk about themselves and very little about the person. That’s why they don’t call you. It’s like, “I’m sending out all this stuff. Why are people not calling me?”

Because it doesn’t look like you even understand what they’re going through. So that was sort of the accidental secret sauce from this. So we created a system where we change about 5% of the book, because the ways to sell a house in North Carolina is pretty similar to Dallas and is pretty similar to California, especially with the types of assisted living facilities, all of that’s about the same. So now we just swap them out on the cover. We give them a custom cover and they just pay us a one-time licensing fee to set up their book. In less than 30 days, they have a book and a workbook that they can hand out to prospects. And so they only spend about an hour or two of their time filling out all the information we need to personalize it. We write in their story.

So it just lowers the barriers that make it easier. And the folks that are usually a fit for our program are folks that are active real estate investors. They understand the value of a deal. They have some credibility, but they just haven’t figured out a way to signal it to the people they’re trying to reach. The phone isn’t ringing like it used to. Those are the people that come to us. And we’ve had about 130 students that licensed one of our 4-books systems across the nation. They see that this works and they don’t want to reinvent the wheel. So yeah, that created another, whole new business that I never expected. That’s where I got the award from, with Robert Kiyosaki. Jay, a funny story and I didn’t tell everybody this right.

It’s kind of embarrassing, but in 2005 I actually tried to get into real estate. I was 25. I just got married. The problem was, I wasn’t reading and I definitely wasn’t writing books. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. So I researched CRMs all day, which is worthless. And I created an LLC, which is meaningless. And I didn’t know anything about marketing or lead generation. I stood in line to get Robert’s book for 2 hours. And then I just ended up not doing anything. That’s what happens. I just didn’t understand what to do next. I didn’t have a mentor. I didn’t even know what that was. So it’s crazy to think and I never would have imagined in a million years, 15 years later, I’m getting this award, we’re sharing a stage together and we’re exchanging books. I never would have imagined it.

It was a really cool deal. So it can happen. Books are super powerful and we believe that we’ve made it easier than ever for folks to plug in. And like I said, it’s for folks who want to do senior housing. And then what happened was that, well, once you have a deal, what do you need after that? The money. So we created a licensing program. This is one of my student’s books, Leonard, I’m really proud of him. He’s in Seattle. And because it turns out, guess what? Senior homeowners have questions. And when you give them the book, they look at you really differently. It works the same way with private money lenders. Who knew? So this is Leonard’s book. And then we just swap out covers. Here’s Tim Davis’. So you see how they’re different? But the insides are the same. But here’s the thing, the person you’ve given it to doesn’t care.

They just want to solve their problem. They’re just trying to figure out how to not get into a deal with a lousy borrower. They’re just trying to figure out if this deal really has a discount or not, they just want to have their questions answered. So instead of going to a blog or getting a bunch of emails, which have a low perceived value, we give them something that has a higher perceived value and a higher level of expected authority and expertise. And we just educate and help people. We tell them this isn’t for everybody. Being a private money lender on real estate is not for everybody. This is who it’s for. This is who is not for. This is my book and if you want to go through it together, I’d love your feedback. You know, stuff like that. So it’s been really cool and he’s happy because he didn’t have to rewrite this himself.

And then what we’re good at is helping people apply it to their marketing because just getting a box of books where you wrote one chapter with everybody else, nobody cares about when you fell down a well and you overcome your struggles, they just care about themselves. “What’s in it for me?”, that’s what all the homeowners are thinking. That’s what all the private money lenders are thinking. They won’t tell you that, but that’s what they’re really thinking. So just give them that, but give it to them in a way that establishes your authority and your credibility and it’s scalable and that’s pretty much what we do. And then we created a book system for Gene Guarino. We just did his latest book, and his students licensed it. And then we haven’t even announced this publicly, but we just wrote a book for Eddie Speed and the Richard Thornton, and so there notes students are going to license that out. That’s brand new. We haven’t even announced it, but I guess I spoiled it a little bit. So it’s been really cool to help people because everybody there wants to lead with more value. They want to educate well, I mean, who would ever say no to that? So it’s been cool.

Jay Conner

00:27:14

What you’ve done there, Max, is you’ve created a way that no matter what niche someone has in real estate, they can further invest on how to raise their credibility and actually convert a higher percentage of prospects into actually doing business. Well, I know we’ve got people that want to connect with you. So what’s the best way for people to connect with you, Max?

Max Keller

00:27:37

Yeah, it’s real simple. We made a special link as long as it’s up, so don’t delay, but we’re going to leave it up at least for the first 25 people who download this. So we created a new book called, “The Real Estate Investors Bookwriting Checklist.” It’s basically all the steps that we went through when we wrote Gene’s book and Eddie’s book and Richard’s book. But we didn’t have that when we started and we haven’t seen it in any other books. So it’s a real simple guide that you can use, whether you’re thinking about writing a book or an e-book or you just want to have social media messages that convert better. It’s real simple. Just go to DealsChasingYou.com/Conner. You can download a copy of the book while the link is still up. And then you can go on the website and check out some of the training videos that we have. It talks about the different types of book systems and how it would benefit you because that’s what it’s all about. It’s about getting more deals. It’s about getting more dollars. And when those things get dialed in, the marketing becomes a lot easier. Life just gets better.

Jay Conner

00:28:50

Max, thank you so much for offering that amazing gift to our listeners here. Any final comments and advice?

Max Keller

00:29:01

Just lead with value. Look, I know you can go deep sea fishing and I know there’s some great fishing where you’re at. You can go deep sea fishing and spend 4 hours trying to wrestle a big fish on the boat. That works. People do it. It’s just really exhausting. That’s what it’s like to market in a crowded market, trying to compete against Wall Street with price. That’s what it’s like trying to market without a book. But what we do is totally different. We share what we’re doing. And then we attract the people that resonate with our message. And so they’re calling and qualifying themselves to work with us. And in one of the most competitive markets in the nation, in one of the most competitive times, people are regularly calling us asking if they qualify to work with us. That’s a big difference.

Jay Conner

00:29:49

That’s awesome. Thank you so much, Max. There, you have it, folks.

[dcforts]

[day 1: advent calendar]

Dean couldn’t believe that he was going to be late.

Of all the times it could happen, it had to be on that day, on that snowy February night of his first date with Cas.

The universe or whoever wrote it really had it in for him.

It had taken him twenty seven hours, since Cas had invited him to dinner at his place, to choose what to wear, and only when he’d allowed himself to relax and think that he had no reason to be nervous - he was Dean Winchester after all, he could handle anything – it was with that renewed spirit and ten minutes to spare on his schedule, that he’d shot Cas a casual:

want me to bring something?

Except Cas had replied:

why, aren’t you already bringing flowers and chocolate? ;)

And Dean should have known. They’d been joking all day that this was going to be their first date date, after a series of - totally accidental, slightly awkward, definitely too short for Dean’s taste - encounters.

But maybe, it hadn’t been a joke? Of course Cas would want the whole traditional movie-like scenario. With his perfectly tussled hair, his Puss in Boots blue eyes, his incredible humor and endearing smile.

And Dean was screwing it up before it could even begin. He couldn’t even be trusted with the basics of dating.

Truth to be told, that wasn’t his fault. Dates were never really his thing, he was more the type you meet in a bar, have a great night with and don’t see ever again. But with Cas – he wanted things to be different.

When he read his text, he didn’t even reply, he just started panicking in the middle of his apartment and kept on panicking as he descended the stairs as fast as he could (he had to ran up them again cause he’d fogotten his car keys). Still panicking he put his car into gear, and still panicking made his way across town looking for anyone that could be open at this hour.

He’d already started listing excuses in his head when he finally spotted the lights of a Gas n’ Sip. The tires of the Impala squeaked as he pulled over. A quick stop, just a quick stop. He could do this.

He jumped out of his car and grabbed his phone.

Five minutes late.

As he ran through the glass doors of the store, he shot Cas a text with one hand that said: o  M wa y

“I’m looking for chocolate boxes?” he shouted in the empty place as he roamed around the aisles under the neon lights.

The cashier barely paied attention to him. They said: “Take a look in the basket here – there’s some stuff left over from Christmas.”

*

So, that’s how that had happened.

Okay, he was a little embarassed. Maybe, showing up empty handed would have been the better choice.

Cas had accepted the box and stared at it for a long moment. They were in the hallway and Dean had his heart in his throat. He was still wearing his jacket and he was aware that melted snow was running from the tip of his boots right on Cas’ soft carpet. Cas must have had the heater on full blast cause his cheeks were bright pink and Dean was starting to sweat. Or maybe he was just starting panicking again as he waited for his reaction.

“I don’t understand,” Cas said at the end, looking up at him and then tilting his head slightly on one side.

“It’s – it’s got chocolate inside.”

“I know. It’s an advent calendar.”

Dean let out a nervous laugh and brought one hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“Yeah – sorry,” he said, “That’s all they had at the store. And no flowers. But hey,” he took a step forward to point at something printed on the box, “see? Not expired. I checked,” he pointed out.

Cas’ face melted into an amused smile that had him relax a bit, because at least he seemed that he wasn’t gonna throw him out right away or just think of him as The Worst. “And also, the little angels on it are kinda cute, aren’t they?”

Cas nodded. Actually, Cas held the box against his chest with one arm as if it wasn’t made out of cheap cardboard and even cheaper chocolate and Dean hadn’t paied 2$ for it and said: “Thank you, Dean. I like it very much,” he smiled. “Even if I was only joking earlier. You know that, right?”

Dean didn’t have an answer to that, but the hundreds of expressions that surely crossed his face must have been enough for Cas, who huffed a laugh and added, “Having you here it’s more than enough,” brushing his arm with one hand and pushing Dean’s brain to a forced reboot. “Do you want to take off your jacket? I can get you a drink,” he said, before walking down the hallway and disappearing in the room at the end.

Only then Dean realized that his mouth was hanging open.

*

Now, Dean would have happily liked to forget all about that, except Cas put the calendar on display right next to the tv and really actually opened one little window every day for the following twenty five days, and Dean knew that for a fact because after that night, he kind of became a regular visitor.

Until only one window remained.

That night they were watching a movie, huddled together under a pile of blankets, when Cas stood up during commercials, grabbed the calendar and made his way back to the couch. “It’s the last one,” he said, caressing reverently the unopened little square.

Dean groaned. “Thank God. I don’t wanna see that thing ever again.”

“I happen to like it.”

“You should have thrown it away."

Cas frowned at him. “It was a gift. You keep those.”

“I bought it when i was in full panic mode, Cas. I would never have bought you something like that if I’d been in my right mind.”

Cas let him talk as he pried open the paper that trapped the chocolate. He took out the little square and held it towards Dean’s mouth. “Bite?” he offered, like Dean could ever resist a request from him. He took a bite and then watched Cas popping the other half into his mouth.

“I thought it was a good omen.” Cas argued then, “That we would have lasted at least twenty five days. And we did.”

He shrugged, smiling and settled once again against Dean’s chest with an arm thrown across his middle. Dean sighed and kissed the top of his head.

“Well, if that’s the case, then get me my phone right now cause I’m buying them in bulk.”

Cas huffed a laugh and tightened his grip.

joining @bend-me-shape-me in this! 

[notfunnydean]

Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel Warnings/Tags: Dean in panties, nsfw pictures, Dean takes nudes, onlyfans account, coming in panties, no actually sex between Dean and Cas, stalker!Cas, mutual pining Word Count: 4.246 Challenge: None Summary: Dean is working two jobs which is why he never has time to study for his classes. When he fails another test Bobby and Ellen tell him he should focus on his studies and not his jobs. But Dean needs money and then Charlie has a brilliant idea. He makes an onlyfans account, only for his roommate and secret crush Castiel to find him in an explicit situation. Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31053908 ---

“Dean?”

Castiel isn’t sure why Dean is asleep in the middle of their living room, but that position can’t be very comfortable. Dean sighs in his sleep, but doesn’t make any move to sit up again.

His nose twitches a bit and Castiel smiles down at him. He can feel the blush creeping up on his cheeks, but at least he can admit to himself, that he loves to watch Dean sleep. He looks peaceful like that.

Adorable, maybe. Surely.

“Dean you have to wake up.” Castiel says and this time he shakes softly at his shoulder. Dean whines quietly, not fully awake yet, but at least he opens his eyes. Dean always wakes up startled and alerted, Castiel had learned that the first year they had been roommates.

These days he seems to feel better.

“Cas?”

“Yeah, sorry. You fell asleep over your book in the living room and it didn’t look very comfortable.” Castiel apologizes and Dean sits slowly up. His bones crack and he groans, Castiel tries to ignore the warm feeling in his stomach.

He knows Dean is straight and they’re friends, there is no place for his feelings.

“Aw fuck. Yeah I got a test tomorrow and wanted to learn for a bit, since I didn’t really have time the last few days.” Dean says and he sounds as if he wants to apologize for that. Castiel smiles fondly.

He knows that Dean’s father doesn’t believe in Dean’s choice to study and won’t pay for any loans or basically anything Dean needs. So Dean works at the roadhouse on the weekends and twice a week at the garage of his Uncle Bobby.

Well not “real” Uncle, but close enough.

“It’s okay. I would help you study but… we both know that’s not a good idea.” Castiel says and at least he got a smile out of Dean. It’s a really stunning smile.

“Nah that’s fine. I… I don’t feel like I’m gonna pass anyway.” Dean admits and Castiel knows how much that it had cost him to admit that. Dean always feels like he’s not allowed to show any weakness.

Castiel had never met John Winchester and he’s rather glad for it, because he sounds like an asshole.

“Dean, you know that Naomi and my father pay for my classes, so I don’t really need the extra money right now from my job at the library. You could cut work a bit and study more if it would make you feel better.” Castiel says, when he sits down next to Dean.

“Yeah. We talked about this, I know you want this new camera Cas and I would never take money from you.” Dean says and there is that soft smile again.

Dean doesn’t even know he’s too good for the world.

Castiel is studying photography, even though his parents would kill him if they’d know. They still think one day he is going to lead the family company and Castiel hopes that talk can wait a few more years.

Dean’s father at least knows that Dean is studying to get a degree in automotive technology, but he still hates the idea. It’s pretty similar, John wants Dean to do what he thinks is good.

“But Dean…” Castiel starts. Dean holds his hand up and this time his smile looks so tired. Castiel’s heart squeezes.

“I’ll find a solution.” Dean says but it sounds more like he already gave up on his studying.

“I could make us some tea.” Castiel offers because he doesn’t know what else he could do to help Dean.

Castiel doesn’t even own a car, so he surely wouldn’t be any help with studying.

“Thank you.“ Dean says with another smile even though he prefers coffee.

*

“Son of a bitch.“

“That bad?“ Charlie asks and Dean doesn’t even answer at first, instead he lets his head fall on his table.

“Failed.“ Dean mutters into the table and he can hear how Charlie swallows loudly. It’s the second class he failed in one month.

“Shit.“ Charlie answers and Dean sighs.

He is so fucked. Dean loves what he studies but often enough he is too tired to actually sit down and learn about it.

“One more fail and they’ll kick me out.” Dean says and his stomach squirms uncomfortable at the thought. He had really thought he would be smart enough for classes like this, but apparently he was wrong.

“What did Ellen and Bobby say?” Charlie asks carefully and Dean groans, before he bangs his head on the table again. Not like it helps, but it does hurt.

“That if I fail this one, they’ll fire me.” Dean says and he feels so ashamed. He knows they’re not firing him, because they’re angry or disappointed. No, they care. They want him to be able to study what he wants, but both know he often doesn’t have any time to study.

“And if you talk to them again?” Charlie asks and she sounds so sad herself. Dean knows that she’s the smarter one out of them and he tried to study with her together, but his schedule had been so tight.

“Nah. They’re right. They’d support me without me working, but money is tight for them as well. It’s just that I really need the money. Sam’s the best of his classes and I want him to stay in Stanford. He can’t know about this.” Dean says and Charlie nods. It’s not the first time he had told her this.

“Failed uh Winchester?”

Dean looks up, when he hears that voice and growls quietly. Seems like Alastair has way too much fun with this.

“Shut your damn mouth!” Dean says and he’s glad that their professor left already or he would be in so much more trouble. Stupid university.

“If you would only be as smart as you are pretty.” Alastair says then and his smile is so creepy again. Dean visibly shudders, but Alastair is already gone before he can say anything.

“That damn asshole.” Dean says, but Charlie is grinning at him.

“Well he’s right. Uh kinda.” Charlie says and Dean flips her off. What the hell, he had thought that they were friends.

“What?”

“I mean you are smart, dumbass. That’s not the point, but you are damn pretty. Even I can see that and I play for a different team.” Charlie says and Dean frowns, he is not really sure what she’s hinting at.

“What are you talking about?” Dean asks, but Charlie is already searching for something in her bag. Dean sees how she holds her phone up and then types something in it, before she holds it out for him.

“You could make an account on onlyfans.” Charlie says and Dean blushes at the pictures he can already see on Charlie’s phone. It’s not her, but Dean knows it’s Charlie’s favorite porn star. (And no he doesn’t want to explain how he knows that.)

“Hm.” Dean says, because that’s kinda risky isn’t it? But he heard before that some people made some good money there and he could easily do the photos at home and in less time than he has to work at the garage or the bar.

“I mean think about it.” Charlie says and she then switches the topic to the weekend, where they would meet up for some ‘epic’ games. Dean nods and shakes his head, whenever she looks at him, but he can’t concentrate.

Onlyfans. It’s all he can think about.'

*

“Hello Garth.” Castiel says and he waves at their neighbour, who smiles back at him.

It has just stopped raining and Castiel is glad for it. He’d been out for some classes and went grocery shopping after. It’s the least he can do when Dean is the one who is always cooking for them.

Castiel opens the door and is surprised that Dean isn’t sitting in their living room learning for his tests. Castiel knows next week there are at least two tests that Dean has to pass or they’ll kick him out.

The books are still all over their small table and Castiel smiles at the chaos. Before he had met Dean, he had lived alone and at first the chaos had really bothered him, but now he likes it.

It finally looks like someone lives here.

“Dean?”

There is no answer, so Castiel goes into the kitchen first and puts the groceries away. He hopes Dean would make them his special pasta tonight again, so he already puts those ingredients on the stove.

He calls out for Dean again, but it seems like he isn’t home. Castiel shrugs. Maybe he went out to get something for his studies? Castiel knows Dean doesn’t really like the library, but sometimes he went there for new books.

At least Dean had stopped working at the roadhouse, even though he had been in a sour mood about it, but Castiel smiles when he thinks back how Ellen had used a newspaper to get it into Dean’s head.

He does still work at Bobby’s garage for one or two days a week, but that’s it. Castiel had thought he’d put up more of a fight, but Dean had agreed in the end. Castiel is not sure how he does get by without earning the money at the roadhouse.

Maybe Sam had gotten himself a job to support himself.

Just then Castiel hears a noise back from where their rooms are and he walks towards it. Maybe Dean fell asleep again. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

Dean’s door is closed and Castiel knocks on it. He can hear music from inside and then opens the door when he hears Dean say something.

Just as Castiel wants to ask Dean for dinner, his mouth snaps shut and his eyes grow big. There is Dean, on his bed, spreading his legs and taking pictures of himself in bright purple panties.

Dean doesn’t seem to realize that Castiel is in the room with him, but then his eyes snap up and his face flushes.

Castiel is sure that he just died.

“Sorry, I uh… sorry.” Castiel says and then hastily closes the door. He is in full panic and actually stumbles on his way out. This is the most humiliating thing ever and Castiel’s heart almost falls out of his chest, with the way he runs back into their living room.

He has no idea what to do now.

Should he leave? Should he stay and talk to Dean about it? Oh god maybe Dean would move out now and Castiel would lose his best friend.

He hears Dean swearing and blushes himself now. He had seen Dean almost naked, writhing in his bed, in fucking panties and taking pictures of himself. Castiel is mortified when he feels himself growing hard at that picture in his head.

There is also the jealousy that makes itself room in his chest. Dean is taking pictures of himself for someone and… it’s not Castiel.

Dean’s door opens, just as Castiel is sure that he will pass out. Dean is wearing grey sweatpants and an old dark shirt, that looks like at one point it could’ve been Castiel’s, but all Castiel can think about is, if he’s wearing the panties underneath.

“So eh… can we maybe talk about this?” Dean asks and his voice is so soft. He’s obviously embarrassed, but he also seems kinda afraid. Castiel swallows.

“Yeah uh sure.” Castiel at least sits down on the armchair and he’s not even sure if he is ready for a conversation himself, but Dean sits down on the couch, his face bright red and Castiel knows he has to assure Dean that everything is okay.

“Well as you know I kinda lost my second job, so Charlie had this idea where I would make money with pictures of myself and… yeah that’s what that was.” Dean rambles and Castiel needs a moment to understand what Dean is telling him.

He wants to tell Dean that he doesn’t have to justify himself to Castiel. Dean can do what he wants. Castiel opens his mouth but something different comes out.

“You get paid for that?” Castiel hopes he doesn’t sound like he’s judging Dean or anything.

“Have you ever heard of this site called onlyfans?” Dean asks and he is looking down at his hands. Castiel swallows dryly, because of course he had heard about that. Hell he had an account on that site.

Not because he takes pictures of himself, but he likes to look at other people, okay? He's a photographer, but he could still learn a thing or two.

“Yeah. Sounds cool. I mean if you like that and it pays well. I’m not judging you. It sounds fun.” Castiel almost cringes at his own words, but Dean seems a bit relieved, at least he is looking up again.

Castiel licks his lips.

“It does pay pretty well.” Dean says and they both have to smile at that. It is certainly no secret that Dean is absolutely stunning and Castiel knows he will never forget that picture about Dean in those panties.

“And you still got time to study.” Castiel says, because it does make sense. Posting a few pictures certainly doesn’t take as much time as working six to eight hours at the roadhouse a day.

“Yeah, so uh are we cool?” Dean asks and he’s so nervous again. He’s even putting his hand in his neck, which tells Castiel that Dean would rather end this conversation now. Castiel feels himself nodding.

“We are.” Castiel agrees and Dean sighs so relieved. Castiel gets up again, because he would really distract himself now and he kinda hopes Dean would start with their dinner.

“Good.” Dean nods to himself and he actually walks towards their kitchen.

Castiel isn’t sure what triggers it, but he opens his stupid mouth another time.

“Next time maybe hold your camera a little bit lower, it will capture the view on your panties a lot nicer.” Castiel says and Dean stops. For a moment it’s way too quiet in their apartment and Castiel feels like he should apologize.

Dean doesn’t turn around though.

“Maybe you should show me a few tricks next time.” Dean says and with that he’s already out of the door and a minute later Castiel can hear how he’s already starting to cook dinner.

Castiel swallows.

“I’d love to.”

*

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Dean says, even though he is alone in his room in front of his mirror. He’s wearing his grey robe, but that isn’t what makes him feel ridiculous.

Underneath he’s wearing dark green panties, which show off his ass and he can’t even hide his bulge in them. He’s even wearing a matching garter belt and stockings. He’d never worn something like that before.

Sure a few panties, because of his old high school girlfriend, who showed him how pretty they make him feel.

But this is more.

Dean had learned soon enough that his account got pretty popular and that mostly guys love to watch his short videos or dozen pictures. The comments are full of dirty lines and Dean has to say he likes the attention.

Today it’s different.

Today Castiel will take his pictures and to say that he is nervous, would be an understatement. His heart feels like it wants to jump out of his chest.

It’s even more embarrassing that he bought this outfit especially for Castiel. He doesn’t know they ended up here but Castiel will come inside any second by now and shoot Dean in this outfit.

“Dammit.” Dean mutters, because he would love for Castiel to find him beautiful in this. He’s pining for such a long time for Castiel by now and while he had understood that apparently Dean isn’t what Castiel wants, maybe today he can feel at least a bit wanted by him.

“Dean?”

Castiel knocks on his door and Dean nods to himself in the mirror before he tells Castiel that he can come in. Dean had even changed his bedsheet and put a few candles around the bed.

“Oh wow.” Castiel says when he sees the candles and Dean feels a bit proud. Castiel has his huge camera with him and Dean knows the quality of the photos will be so much better than anything his phone could produce.

“Yeah thought it would be a nice touch.” Dean says and he can see that Castiel is nodding. Dean chuckles a bit, because the whole situation is weird and embarrassing, but it’s also the hottest thing he’s ever done.

“Are you ready?” Castiel asks then and he is already checking a bunch of stuff on the camera. Dean schools his facial features and relaxes his shoulders.

“Yeah. Where do you want me?” Dean asks and only then realizes how that sounds. He can see that Castiel swallows and licks his lips and Dean’s dick - the damn traitor - jumps at that. Luckily he’s still in his robe.

“On the bed first.” Castiel answers and Dean can’t help but shudder at those words. Fuck, this sounds like they both mean something interely different. Something Dean would enjoy a lot more.

Dean lets the robe fall to his feet and Castiel’s eyes snap towards him. Dean almost wants to hide behind his hands, but instead he walks over to his bed and sinks down on the sheets.

“Fuck.” Castiel mutters under his breath, but Dean hears him anyway and he can’t help but smirk at that. Seems like Castiel does like his appearance at least. Dean doesn’t want to think about what that means.

So it’s what, Dean’s soul, that he hates?

Dean knows he’s not exactly relationship material with all his daddy issues and anger problems, but he tries. God, he would try so hard for Castiel.

“Maybe just start a few poses and I will see what I can do with those. After that I can give you a few directions, but I feel like you know exactly how you look good.” Castiel says and did his voice always sound so deep?

Dean tries to relax on the bed and spreads his legs a bit. He closes his eyes, because it’s easier. In most pictures his face isn’t seen and he wants this to stay that way. If it is in the picture, Dean is wearing a silky mask over half his face.

He puts the mask on now and then puts one hand on his cock, feeling already that he’s growing hard, just from Castiel watching.

“That’s good.” Castiel says quietly and starts to take a few pictures. Sometimes just of Dean’s lower part, how he’s touching himself so featherlight, sometimes from above him while Dean looks into the camera.

There is quiet music playing in Dean’s room, but all he can hear is his own heartbeat in his ears. Castiel looks like he wants to eat him alive and Dean can’t help the moan that escapes his lips.

Of course Castiel captures that moment.

“So fucking hot.” Castiel says and Dean arches his back a bit more, while Castiel kneels down at the side of the bed, to get a picture.

It doesn’t take long, before they both seem to relax and forgotten is all the shame and discomfort. Dean enjoys this a lot more than he should and he sucks lazily on his fingers, while Castiel groans.

Dean grins. Yeah he could get used to this. Before that it had been so awkward to take the pictures but this is fun.

“Spread your legs a bit more.” Castiel whispers and Dean obey happily. He’s fully hard by now, but those pictures always get him the most money anyway, so he wouldn’t complain.

It should be weird that Castiel sees him like this, but somehow it isn’t.

Dean rubs himself a bit and he can’t help but throw his head back, when precum leaks over his fingers and panties. He can see that Castiel is leaning over his hips now to capture that exact moment.

Probably doing a close-up of his dick. Dean groans.

Just then Castiel puts his own hand on Dean’s thigh. He squeezes and then takes a picture of that, Dean’s dick jerks and just like that he’s already coming.

Castiel doesn’t even bat an eyelash, he just continues to take a few pictures, his left hand still on Dean’s thigh.

“You look so gorgeous.” Castiel says and Dean’s face flushes from shame and excitement at the same time. Maybe even from the praise. Dean is breathing hard and he doesn’t really know what to answer.

He just came because his best friend had touched him. It’s not even an excuse that he’d been rubbing himself close to orgasm before. Shit.

“This better gets me a lot of money.” Dean says and Castiel nods slowly. He finally takes his hand away and looks through the pictures on his camera. Dean can’t really see if Castiel is hard himself, but it doesn’t look like it. He tries not to feel disappointed.

“I mean the pictures are amazing.” Castiel says and he doesn’t look up from his camera.

“Yeah perfect job for me, huh? I’ve always been sure that I’m good looking and that’s it.” Dean says and Castiel doesn’t seem to find that funny. No, he’s actually frowning at Dean. The head tilt will kill Dean one day.

“Don’t talk to yourself like that.” Castiel says and he’s actually angry. Now it’s Dean’s turn to frown back at him.

“We both know it’s true. Spare me the humiliation.” Dean says and he carefully gets up. He makes a face, because he hates the feeling of his wet panties sticking to his dick.

Castiel stops him though and Dean sits down on his bed once again. Castiel turns his camera around and shows Dean a picture of himself. It is pretty hot, but Dean doesn’t know what Castiel wants from him.

“What do you see?” Castiel asks and he shows him another picture. This one is just Dean’s face. His green eyes wide and he looks almost sweet. Had probably looked at Castiel while that had been taken.

Charlie always tells him how lovestruck he looks when Castiel is near.

“A hot guy?” Dean says slowly, because is that a trap?

Castiel’s frown grows heavier and Dean isn’t sure what he had said wrong. Castiel takes the camera back and then scrolls a bit longer through his pictures, before he shows it to Dean again.

This time it shows Dean studying at their couch table. Dean looks concentrated, biting down on his pencil. Castiel shows him the next picture. Dean obviously laughs at something in the picture and Dean shudders. That’s how he looks while laughing?

The next one is Dean eating and wow okay that’s even worse. Dean gets to know why Sammy complains about his table manners.

“Why are you showing me this? I know that on some days I’m not even hot.” Dean says, but Castiel shakes his head and his blue eyes look so sad.

“I wish you could see yourself like I’m seeing you.” Castiel says and Dean isn’t sure what he means by that. Dean at least puts his blanket over his lap, because he feels uncomfortable now.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean feels himself getting kinda angry.

“Dean, you are so much more than hot. Of course you are incredibly handsome and I know exactly while you got so many fans on your site. But to me you are everything. You are so hardworking and I don’t know anyone else who cares so much as you do. Nobody has a heart that big and it’s the reason why I fell so hard for you.” Castiel rambles and Dean can feel himself tearing up.

“What?”

“I love you, you damn idiot!” Castiel says and Dean is speechless, that is what he always wanted and now he doesn’t know what to answer.

“Sorry.” Castiel says and he packs his things. Dean finally gets up himself and takes the camera out of Castiel’s hand. They should probably talk about Castiel’s stalking in the last months, but Dean wants something different.

“Cas, I love you too. It’s… Cas it’s always been you. I thought I wasn’t worth enough, because I don’t have money and nor am I as smart as you are…” Dean starts but Castiel doesn’t want to hear it.

Castiel kisses him like he’s a starving man and Dean relaxes into his arms. This is what he had always wanted. Castiel tilts his head a bit and just like that the kiss gets even better. Dean whines quietly, when Castiel breaks it.

“Do you seriously think I care about money? Dean you are the most selfless person I’ve ever met and don’t get me started on your nerdy side. It’s adorable.” Castiel says and he’s smiling so prettily.

Dean steals another kiss.

“You’re incredible, you know that? Why did you never say something?” Dean asks and Castiel shrugs a bit embarrassed.

“I was also very sure that you don’t like me. You kinda killed me with your outfit today.” Castiel admits and Dean gives him his camera back.

“Wanna take some more pictures?” Dean asks and he smirks at Castiel, who actually pushes him on the bed. Dean grins up at Castiel anway.

“Oh sweetheart. I got other plans.”

Dean doesn’t mind.

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs (round #4) + commentary

Time for another (mostly) Destiel fic rec round-up post before my bookmarks get out of control! This one’s a mix of longer and some shorter fics (or series thereof), no particular theme except I guess a lot of angst, hurting Cas, and all the other things that tickle my Id. Several Season 9 human!Cas divergence fics, plus some later season angst-fests and rewrites.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) (52k) The first of two fics by this author which I absolutely fell in love with! Canon-divergence from the end of Season 11. Cas finds himself blasted to Naples, Italy by the banishing sigil in the bunker and he stumbles — almost literally — into a sexy, delightful Italian Man of Letters, Luca. When he makes his way back to the bunker and finds Dean still alive, he tries to confess his feelings but Dean panics and shuts him down. Cas goes back in Italy soon thereafter and ends up beginning a relationship with Luca, much to Dean’s chagrin. Meanwhile Sam is still missing and it turns out there may be some dangerous individuals who are out for Cas more so than even the Winchesters. 

I loved everything about this fic so much - Luca is an amazing OC, the Naples and London locations are wonderfully evoked and took me straight back to places I’d been. The angst, the pacing, the plotting and the eventual Dean/Cas getting together are all amazing and this is definitely on my re-read in the future list.

The rest of my recs below the cut!

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) (55k) The other fic by this author that I literally inhaled in one day! Season 9 Human!Cas canon divergence. It’s been months since Sam and Dean have heard from Cas, and when they do, it’s in the form of a wedding invitation. Cas is getting married to Daphne - the woman who “rescued” him and named him Emmanuel when he’d lost all his memories post-Leviathans. It seems Cas went back to her while on his own and they’ve rekindled their relationship...whatever it is. Dean just knows something isn’t right about her, so he sets out to investigate and try to figure out WTF Cas is doing before it’s too late. 

This story is so, so good! The case Dean gets Cas to come along on is unique and provides a neat investigation subplot, but what’s so especially wonderful is the explanation the author gives of who Daphne really is — and why she’d been so cool about just having a strange man with no memories move in to be her “husband” (and then want to marry him for real a couple years later, after he’d vanished from her life!) In fact it’s so brilliant I’m basically accepting it as my Daphne headcanon from now on and I don’t want to spoil it. The fic is also great in exploring Cas still struggling with understanding human emotions, customs and etiquette, Sam is A Very Good Friend, and Dean is, well, Dean. (I’m just sad this author hasn’t written more SPN fics because what they have is just brilliant.)

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k) Wonderful, shorter Season 9 canon divergence fic by an author who consistently makes me happy. Human!Cas leaves the bunker with a few things to get off the ground from Dean and directions to connect with Garth...but he ditches that plan to try to find his way on his own. It’s wonderfully detailed about the basic struggles of survival, finding work, making ends meet and trying to make some new friends...and why it’s important for him to prove he can make it on his own before he’s willing to welcome Dean (back) into his life.

I Through My Window See by deHavilland (26k) This is an interesting one, written well before we had canon human!Cas in Season 9. Canon-divergence in which Cas remains human after they avert the apocalypse in Season 5. Sam and Dean set him up in an apartment in Sioux Falls and then...just kind of abandon him there. He spends most of a year just barely existing before a visit from Sam finally stirs him out of his inertia and depression, to eventually get a job and also start hunting on his own. This is an interesting read, if just to see an author exploring the idea of human!Cas abandoned by Dean a few years before it actually...ended up becoming canon! I love how Cas is written in this (it’s a story much like the next one on my list that I thought does an amazing, realistic job of capturing what depression feels like), but I do have some issues with Dean. It’s never fully resolved or explained why Dean was being such an ass so I honestly wasn’t totally sold on the ending - I wanted some more out of Dean, some more explanation or apology or something. It’s a story that would have been great to have a sequel from Dean’s POV but after all this time, that will just have to exist in my brain, I suppose! Still worth a read because it’s excellently written, Cas becomes totally bad ass again by the end and it’s always fun to read early SPN fic speculating on future developments.

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k) I found myself inhaling a bunch of wonderful short ficlets by this author the other day, but this is the one I had to stop at to rec. It’s another Season 9 divergence fic, of a sort - Cas is newly human, for the sake of the story there’s no Abbadon to worry about, Sam is healed...and Sam wants to move out and get on with his own life. Cas and Dean are both struggling with adapting to their new lives and it’s a hauntingly rich and stark portrayal of depression, inertia, and the slow healing process of accepting and adapting to change. I also liked that this story gives us a Dean who is a little more aware of his feelings for Cas and they both struggle to reach out to each other - for once it’s not sexuality causing a crisis of identity but all the other shit they are coping with.

Don't Sing Love Songs by ireallydidthistomyself (17k). I’m not normally a big fan of baby/toddler!Jack fics - I like the angst that he was forced to grow up too quickly, and in general I’m not big on kid!fic in fandom. This author’s work is a big exception to that. They’ve written several stories along a similar theme: Cas raising Jack on his own/in secret for years, Dean only finding them or coming back into their lives later on. But this is the version of that idea that really packed the most punch for me and was incredibly emotionally satisfying. Dean finds Cas after 6 years, where he’s kept Jack mostly isolated and safe from the world. But with Dean allowed back into his life, Cas may be inviting grave danger upon Jack as well. This one ripped my heart out but managed to make it all better by the end.

Better Ways to Kill Our Time by always_a_birthday_girl (8k) I don’t know why I torture myself reading Dean-in-the-Ma’lak-box AUs, but I do. I think because it’s pretty much my biggest nightmare/horror and for some reason it’s cathartic while terrifying? Anyway here’s one where Dean goes through with his plan, Cas crashes and burns for most of a year, until Dean finally starts doing what he promised he wouldn’t: praying to him. Cas figures out a way to communicate back and over the distance, they manage to have certain conversations they should have years before. It’s painful but lovely and there is a happy ending, so it’s well worth the read!

Time Flows Like Water and We're Drowning by triedunture (7.9k) A little break from the later-seasons stuff I (mostly?) read, featuring a seriously hot (but angsty) Cas/Endverse!Cas/Dean threesome. When Zacariah’s plan to show Dean the future doesn’t change his mind about taking on his “responsibility”, he sends Endverse!Cas back in time to try to convince Cas instead, showing him what he’s to become. I don’t think Zac expected it to turn into a threesome, but it’s hot and beautiful and sad and wonderful all at once. 

hachikireru by vaudelin  (23k) At one point I went on a wallow-fest of reading a bunch of sad 14x20-15x03 divorce-arc fics. Just to hurt myself more, I guess. I know this fic’s been recced around a lot (at least on fail_fandomanon) and I can see why! After leaving the bunker, Cas ends up in Sioux Falls to visit Claire. She’s busy tracking down leads to find Kaia’s killer and he decides to go along with her on one such hunt. But what they find is an unexpected supernatural threat targeting those with broken hearts. Well. I think you know where that might be leading. This is a wonderful casefic with lots of character moments between Cas & Claire and then Cas & Dean, working through their pain and angst and just...it’s a very satisfying read.

Moriah Codas: A Trilogy by Toomanyfandoms99 (11k total) A series of 3 shorter fics spinning off the events of 14x20, developing a slightly divergent universe the author’s written where Cas does have his wings back and has helped resurrect a few of the angels (Balthazar, Gabriel, and Samandriel in particular). This series is absolutely heartbreaking — Cas is completely broken by Jack’s loss, has “fallen out of love” with Dean after he was ready to kill Jack, and sees no way back to what he’d had and felt before. He’s determined to just let the Empty take him...but not until he and his assembled squad of “avenging angels” clean up the mess Chuck has created, smiting zombies and taking out super-powered monsters across North America. 

Cas’s motorcycle gang/angel squad is so fucking awesome (I want a happy fic where they do this!) and this is BAMF!Cas at his finest. I just have to include a quote:

He set down the empty glass, and Gabriel said, “well, dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to kick some zombie ass. Since they have chosen to amass in Carthage, we are here to take out as many as we can without causing this town to flip the fuck out. Are we in agreement?”

“I expect,” Balthazar grinned, “a full-on bar brawl. Do not disappoint me.”

“Cassie, Driel,” Gabriel addressed the duo, “how are we with weapons?”

“I have enough machetes in a storage facility uptown to film a Jackie Chan movie,” Castiel said.

But it’s also utterly and completely heartbreaking, so don’t read this one if you need a happy ending. If you do read, check out the author’s other later-season coda fics and fic series as they are all really great.

to mend what is not broken by gothyringwald (2.6k) This last short one I’ve mentioned before, but I just have to rec it again! It was my gift for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Gift Exchange and it’s everything I wanted, and more. Sweet and caring Dean, wounded but still prideful Cas, and some lovely wing!kink/wing!care that pushes all of my button just right.

Anyway, that’s it for now as I think this is long enough. If you enjoy my recs, could you let me know? I try to not just list titles but give some commentary...as it helps me re-find stories I enjoyed the most, too!

[docholligay]

What's your opinion on the Ow 2 redesigns, Tracer and Mercy in particular?

OH LORD HERE WE GO

So I salute their right to redesign the characters for the Second Coming, and its not particularly unexpected because, I mean, they want to build conversation and hype, and that's a way to build conversation and hype, I suppose.

So I DID see it coming, and I know me well enough to know that when I am terribly fond of something, I don't necessarily ENJOY the idea of change, so I've been sitting with this for a long while to get USED to it before I decide if the hate is legit or just me being a little pissbaby.

ANYWAY HERE'S THE CONCLUSIONS I'VE COME TO

In generalities, I don't even think most of the redesigns are BAD, I just think that they make everyone look a little more samey-same, less exaggerated, and more grounded. On THEORETICAL PAPER, I don't have a lot of trouble with it because it makes them look more like a cohesive team (Which is essentially the point of the fic I'm working on) but I do miss a bit of the uniqueness of the characters in the redesign and they all feel like they've been flattened a little bit. Everyone is a bit more POLISHED, but a bit less FUN. This works for me for characters like Pharah, who, because of how I see her, I could see picking something more streamlined, more together, more PROFESSIONAL, but for like, Human Representation of a Vegas Slot Machine Floor, Lena Oxton, it doesn't make as much sense.

Now on a personal level, let's get into it. I'll start with Pharah:

They darkened her skin a shade and removed her little gold bead hairthing, both of which I not only have no trouble with but out and out like. I have never cared for her silly little hairthings, and now I am at liberty to ignore them entirely, picking and choosing from canons at my pleasure. I'd have to see a better picture too, but I think her hair is longer, which I don't love, but we all know if it were up to me Pharah would have a haircut like this:

You know, sexy but also very officious, so perhaps we can't go by me.

As far as her uniform, the changes are fairly minimal

It’s basically just streamlining. The changes they made to Pharah were really minimal, which is good because I liked her the way she was, mostly, and they took away one of the things I didn’t care for, but also bad because making few changes to her seems to suggest to me that her involvement in the lore of the game will once again be minimized. But then again, who knows what they would do to her, perhaps it’s for the best. 

Winston, my poor bab, why do they treat you like this constantly? He gets hardly any change except they make his face less expressive??? Maybe in the game itself it won’t be so jarring. 

Mercy!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS GODDAMN HAIRCUT, I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH

a reminder of her full hair style before the redesign

She looks like a fucking soccer mom who’s complaining about Bath and Body works being sold out of individual hand sanitizers for their big sale of the year, and now how is she supposed to make gift baskets for Teacher Appreciation Week with the PTA? IT BEING UGLY ASIDE, the woman is a combat medic!! Why in god’s name would she have hair that she can’t pull back in any way, shape or form? Where does she find the time to keep something like that trimmed up?? Also, out of all the shit you changed, you couldn’t let her have a wrinkle or something? Give a bitch a break. 

As far as her actual uniform, I highly approve of putting her status as medic on her sleeve, well done, and I think the way in which they tried to make the halo thing “work” as an actual item that a human being might have a reason to wear is not totally ungraceful considering how patently ridiculous it is. 

AND NOW, MY GIRL

I went to the website and just gripped my chest. My heart! How I love her! 

So i actually really approve of how they changed her face:

They removed some ot the rim from her goggles to allow her to have more expressiveness, and actually removed most of her eyeliner! PRAISE AND FUCKING BLESS, I am forever begging for scraps at the “please let Tracer be more butch, as a treat!” table, and every once in a great while, i get it. I DO wish they had brought back her freckles, but somewhere along the second year I think it was, they dropped her little angel kisses and every time I commission anything of her I have to be lIke, “And could you please give her freckles? :)” 

A better view!! I’m love her!!

HER JACKET

HER JACKET

I HATE HER FUCKING JACKET

ALright I get that this one is actually integrated better with her CA, and that’s fine and fair, but my god it is so colorless and drab and sad???? I loved the way her old jacket paid tribute to her RAF career, and it was such a THING of hers that I feel like I have to go back and remind blizz they actually sold her fucking jacket AND her hoodie was based off it, so why are we removing it now?? This thing is dishwater-dull, some sad excuse for a moto-style jacket that just doesn’t fit her at all to me and OH MY GOD HOW MUCH DO I HATE THAT THE PATCH IS NOW JUST TRCR GOD I HATE THE TREND OF JUST FUCKING REMOVING ALL VOWELS FROM SHIT. 

Also, the clips??? WHY? If you weren’t going to connect them to anything, wjhy keep them? In the original, they clearly keep Tracer’s CA in place while she’s fucking around, and if they decided her new CA (Which is flattened and made into a more wearable thing--I approve) didn’t require that because it fit better or is integrated with the jacket or something WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE THE CLIPS STILL THERE???

Anyway, MY Lena Oxton would not wear this, or she would, in the name of the team, but she would scowl as she put it on. 

I have no idea yet what they’ve done with DVa, so STAY TUNED. 

Small thoughts: I like that Genji gets to wear clothes! His reign of naked cyborg oppression has ended! I don’t like that they’ve removed McCree’s chaps look from the whole thing, so he looks less cowboyish. 

[mittensmorgul]

Mittens, I know that some people are rejoicing over Castiel's vision in 12x19, but personally, I started crying when I realized that Cas gave up so much for love and faith in his family, and got teased with that vision of the future - a paradise he wanted for them, for himself - but never approximated that in the end. It's just so heartbreaking and I feel like I'm mourning him all over again and it just really sucks. Idk.

Hi hi!

The vision also hurts my heart, deeply, but maybe for slightly different reasons...

I have been suffering throughout the last few seasons over Cas's overall arc, and this vision, in that moment in 12.19, when Cas was literally (in text! from Dean's mouth!) desperate for a win, is just excruciating to me. And I'll tell you why.

in the mixtape scene, this was Cas's lament to Dean. He wanted to come back with a win FOR DEAN, and FOR HIMSELF. He wanted Dean to think of him as the "hero" or the "savior."

I will pause to ask here: since when has Dean ever wanted that? Ever since Cas gripped him tight and saved him from Hell, Cas has struggled to step out from that role of Protector. Shield.

This was the Big Mistake he made in s6, right? Everything that went wrong was framed around the fact that he was trying to "protect" Dean. This is why he bought into Crowley's plan, why he left Dean in the dark even after he got dragged back into the fight, and why everything ultimately ended with Cas's literal death. Like... the narrative judged him. In 6.20, all he was left with was Dean's disappointment, and a drive to prove that he was actually right (he was not actually right...).

Even in 12.19, he was "playing them" all along. He came back under the pretense of wanting to "rejoin the team" and work together with Sam and Dean again, but really he was only there to steal the Colt on behalf of Heaven. Cas was prepared to do whatever it took to keep Sam and Dean safe from Dagon, but also "safe" from having to kill an innocent woman to prevent the birth of the nephilim she carried.

Like in s6, Cas was desperate for that win. He was desperate to "earn" his place with the Winchesters, the family he chose. He even told Kelvin before they went in to confront Dagon that he wasn't doing this to redeem his "reputation" in Heaven, he only cared about "redeeming his reputation" with DEAN.

He has no idea that Dean does not give one flying fig about Cas's ability to "protect him," he just wants Cas to Be There With Him.

And later on, this is literally the lesson Cas attempts to impart to Jack. When Jack laments the loss of his power, and believes himself "useless," It's CAS who most effectively talks to him about the fact that nobody cares about his powers, that they don't care about what he can do FOR them. They just care about HIM. Like... even in 15.18. This is the conversation he has with Jack by the Impala while Sam and Dean are talking to Charlie:

Jack: I feel... strange. I don't know if that's because of what happened to me, if it means something, or if I just feel strange because... it's over. The plan. My destiny. I was ready to die and, I wanted to, for Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right, and now... I don't know why I'm even here.

Castiel: Jack. You never needed absolution from Sam, or Dean, or from me. We don't care about you because you're useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.

So like... for YEARS I've felt like this was what Dean needed to actually say TO CAS. That he doesn't want Cas to try to protect him. He doesn't need Cas to be his shield. He doesn't need Cas to be "powerful" or his savior. He just needs Cas.

So this vision... this "manipulation" that Jack showed Cas in that very moment in 12.19, that Cas believed was "paradise" at the time, was what Cas needed to hear in that moment. That he could be "powerful," with his wings healed and made "useful" again.

Dean thanking him.

Not Dean being happy that they're all safe, that they managed to finally "get a win," but specifically thanking HIM for actually winning.

He wanted to believe he could be useful again.

And to me that was a tragic, depressing lesson that he still never managed to understand for himself by the end of the series.

If Dean ever knew what the vision Cas had considered "paradise" in that moment of betrayal of his loved ones, I personally think Dean would've been horrified. I mean, he didn't even KNOW what the vision entailed, and was pre-horrified by his personal belief about how Cas had been manipulated into running away and leaving them all in the dark immediately after they'd all just gotten back on the same page again and recommitted to working together again.

So like... This is still DEEPLY in Cas's disturbing mindset of being 100% ready to sacrifice himself to "spare" Sam and especially Dean from having to do the hard things. This was nearly an identical mindset to when he'd said yes to Lucifer in the Cage in s11 because he believed he could spare Sam from having to do that himself. Like... he truly believed he was making Good Choices in these instances, and it ended up both times causing problems he'd never even considered. S11 had Lucifer using him and nearly killing Sam and Dean, and then going on a rampage that would last multiple seasons more which directly led to Jack in the first place. And then in the attempt to bring about Jack's birth, Cas cut off all communication with the Winchesters (theoretically to protect them) and therefore they had no way to warn him that Lucifer was still on the loose and closing in on reclaiming Jack himself. It literally ended up costing them Mary (pulled through the rift with Lucifer), Crowley sacrificed himself to stop it, and Lucifer killed Cas, all because Cas ran away and tried to fix everything on his own. He desperately wanted to be the winner, here.

So to me, I can't see him getting his wings back and being truly powerful and being "Dean's savior" and him basically thinking that Dean's acknowledgement of that salvation and Dean's gratitude was his idea of "paradise?" Yeah... it turns my stomach.

Dean... would hate it.

Dean's idea of paradise... is actual free will. Of them CHOOSING EACH OTHER, choosing family and standing shoulder to shoulder as a united front against the threats that come their way, instead of yet again making the same mistake of believing that they're sacrificing themselves to spare their loved ones from having to stand up and fight at all.

It NEVER works out that way. Never has. Never would.

I mean, this is why Cas made the deal with the Empty, trading away his own happiness for Jack, believing that Dean's happiness was in having JACK in the family. The tragic blind spot was his inability to see that Dean's happiness ALSO INVOLVED HAVING CAS THERE.

And the ultimate tragedy is that Dean never got a chance to actually say that to Cas.

Because if Cas had actually known that, he would never have made the choices he did.

Which is another reason I absolutely can't credit the end of 15.19 and Jack NOT bringing Cas back, knowing that he'd done it once before, and knowing WHY Cas sacrificed himself. Jack knew the conditions of Cas's deal, and I cannot believe that any version of JACK would have allowed that sacrifice to stand for HIM. Because it was the antithesis of everything Cas himself had ever taught to Jack.

Heck... I hope that makes sense...

basically, this should've been a jumping off point for Cas to ACTUALLY understand he was just as wanted, just as needed, just as cared for, and yes even LOVED, for who he was, and not the sacrifices he could make to protect Dean (and Sam, and Jack... but ultimately for Dean).

The fact he KNEW the moment he made that deal with the Empty that the knowledge of the details of that deal would be a "burden" to Dean, that it would be upsetting to Dean to know that Cas had literally traded away his own potential for true happiness because he thought that would be what Dean would prefer... he KNEW Dean would be upset about that. He knew Dean would NOT have wanted that, and swore Jack to secrecy about it. Like... he knew he had done the wrong thing here, or he wouldn't have hidden it from Dean.

So I have a really hard time thinking of this vision of Paradise (which is already a loaded word in itself in canon, and was literally what Dean spat out as an angry insult at Cas in 4.22 before his first true "tearing up the pages" and making it up as they go moment) as anything but a glaring warning sign.

And then oh look, Cas was literally killed for it four episodes later.

Then when he came back, he went right back to believing in his "purpose," wondering WHY he was brought back. Dean's "we needed you" wasn't really clear enough for Cas to understand that they didn't need him to "protect" them or to be "useful" to them. Dean just NEEDED him. Full stop.

It's a tragedy, folks.