#basically i'd rather it happens than to do it myself because at least it's... well i had no choice in it

[muzyoshi]

Miles Edgeworth's Secret

This post is purely for documentation purposes, and also to inform anyone who may not be aware. This post will contain SPOILERS for the end of Phoenix Wright: Trials & Tribulations, so proceed with caution.

During Case 5, Bridge to the Turnabout, while playing as Edgeworth, you are presented the opportunity to peer into Iris' heart. Specifically in regards to a secret she is withholding from Phoenix, someone she was romantically involved with. During which, if the player fails to present the correct evidence specifically for the second Psyche-Lock, an interesting conversation concerning the nature of secrets occurs.

I have seen talk of this dialogue, but no footage or screenshots, so I took the liberty of getting them myself. The full conversation and my further thoughts will be found under the cut.

You MUST present incorrect evidence during the second Psyche-Lock. This dialogue is laughably easy to miss, which is why I could find zero footage of it. (Sorry if the formatting for this sucks)

(Interesting to note: the music stops playing here.)

Incidentally, Iris' secret is that she developed romantic feelings for Phoenix while dating him in college (disguised as her twin sister). Edgeworth affirms her thoughts, confirming that he does indeed have a secret of similar nature deep within his heart and soul; "It takes one to know one." It cannot be said what exactly this secret of his is, but every real plot point behind Edgeworth has been more or less resolved by this point in the series. He found his path as a prosecutor, the truth behind his involvement in the DL-6 incident was concluded, so... What's left? Reading between the lines, this only really seems to lead us to one answer. It has something to do with romantic feelings. I truly can't see it being anything else, even with a critical mind.

Just mere moments ago, Iris had inquired as to what Edgeworth and Phoenix' relationship was. Edgeworth (famously) responds that Wright is a "dear and indispensable friend". Wonder if Iris gleamed something deeper from that comment, then? ;P Keep in mind: she makes these comments directly because Edgeworth avoided presenting Phoenix Wright's profile.

"he just like me fr" - iris probably

Now, just for completion's sake, let's see what happens when you present Phoenix's profile and break the Psyche-Lock.

I have a lot of thoughts regarding this string of text from the two of them. This is a huge reach from an admittedly shipper-crazed brain, but aren't Edgeworth's retorts here... interesting? He does not know this girl, but he knows that the two of them are important to one another. We can assume it's likely that he is pushing for this for Wright's sake, rather than Iris'. At this point it's fair to say that Edgeworth has some basic understanding of her secret (the feelings, at least), and he doesn't benefit from her telling Phoenix her secret. So why is he adamant that she does it? Especially when he's, apparently, holding a secret of similar nature himself? Projecting, perhaps?

"But it's pointless..." "Why would you say that?"

Why indeed.

(EDIT) I was thinking about this feverishly, and I had another thought. What if the "darkness in his heart" and his "secret" has something to do with jealousy? Still in context of romantic feelings... it starts to make sense that this could fit into the puzzle as well. By this point it was already established to Edgeworth that Phoenix and Iris share an intimate connection of some kind, and with all of this pressuring (including the words the two of them share before Edgeworth leaves the Detention Centre), it sort of adds up. "Uncovering the truth" in order to "get rid of the deep-seated darkness in [his] heart" - could this refer to closure? As in, if Iris comes forth to Phoenix Wright with her secret, and there is some level of reciprocation, would this make Edgeworth's own secret/feelings "pointless" to confess? I wonder.

One last note I'd like to make is that this is the first time we view Edgeworth through the 'protagonist lens', and that a great deal of care was put into having the player truly feel like they are Miles Edgeworth in this moment. His mannerisms, choice of words and thought patterns are decidedly very different than Phoenix's when you are in control of them, as I'm sure most people would agree. Therefore, I feel comfortable proposing that a lot of what he says here isn't filler, and in fact is very deliberately worded.

I think this post also deserves a spot here.

Diehard Narumitsu/Wrightworth shippers are likely already aware of this conversation's existence. However, due to the circumstances necessary to see it, I wasn't able to find any screenshots. I hope this was interesting to read, at least... Thanks for reading!

[vaperarmand]

this is such a fucking stupid question but. do you have any advice for developing a good understanding of characters? like i wish i could put those guys into situations but it's like there's a mental block and my mind goes blank as if they're Unfathomable Real People Who I Cannot Possibly Hope To Ever Understand.

no not a stupid question! actually a really good question. it's such a good question in fact that i don't have a simple answer so i'm going to. word vomit onto the page and hope something sticks. i ramble like crazy so have a read more :)

precursor: i have to note that i feel like armand and daniel are the two characters i've like. Understood. more than any other characters in my life. i think that's because i relate to them both in very distinct but separate ways (we'll discuss that later) but i think it's also because. part of anne rice's writing and the show's adaptation is so determined to break these characters down to their fundamental parts. that's kind of the thesis statement of the books, even, that when you live forever you're no longer a "product of your time" but rather just you, yourself, and you kind of have to spend the rest of your eternal life figuring out who that is. so that to me gives both a flexibility and a set of basic building blocks for each character that you can play with.

that being said, here are a couple of ways i maybe go about building understanding:

option 1: the projectorrrrr (this is me most of the time)

if you like looking at your character and going "ha ha i do that" then that's awesome. do that! figure out what parts you relate to and think, okay, if the vampire armand was me, how would he react to my coworker saying this. alternatively, if i was the vampire armand, would would i do if i'd just broken a 500 year vow to myself?

this is where, like, critical thinking comes into play of course, because you are not the vampire armand and the vampire armand is not you. but 1) you're allowed to play around in the sandbox and have fun without constantly going "He Would Not Fucking Say That" because uhhh. this is fandom and we are doing this for fun and 2) once you to get to the point where you're kindly going "He Would Not Fucking Say That" you can then be like oh! well what would he say? because the contrasts are often as fun to explore as the comparisons

option 2: that's my friend

i also think you genuinely can view characters as Real People — but you can hope to understand them!!! or at least you can understand Your view of them, which doesn't have to perfectly match mine or anyone else's view.

this is going to sound crazy and part of the reason why i feel like i don't have a good answer to your question, but genuinely my best writing happens when i uhhh. hear them speaking. in my mind. this is literally a developed skill because like 4-5 years ago i was terrible at writing dialogue and it frustrated me + i never had good ideas for fics because i just wanted to write meta posts. so i was like. i'm going to get good at writing dialogue if it kills me. imagine you're talking to them or they're talking to someone else. look up writing prompt sentences (like on roleplay blogs if nothing else) and think about how they'd respond. i'm at the point where i'll decide on a situation and will sit in silence for a minute, imagine them like dolls in my head, and go "SPEAK!" and wait to hear what they'll say.

my final tip is to please please remember if nothing else that this is supposed to be fun and that at the end of the day it is just playing with dolls online with your friends. you're allowed to be wrong. in fact you probably will be. but that's okay! you can start small and be wrong and as long as you're having fun and enjoying putting your characters in scenarios it's all worth it

[efingart]

hey!! I hope everything's been going well for you!! I just wanted to know what are your thoughts about the new black ops 6 trailer and the hype around it? I'm super excited (mostly bc adler and woods) but I'm also a bit scared that this is going to be another mw3. what do you think? :)

Ahhh Quizzy! It's nice to hear from you 💙 I'm glad you're back!!

I was excited for this game before anything dropped. I love the storytelling of Black Ops, the nuance, and how dark it can get.

And I'm really happy that it's another retro setting. Especially if they lean into the 90s the same way the did with the 80s in Cold War, it will give it such a unique feel.

I had been preparing myself for a game without Woods, so seeing that he seems to play such a huge role in this one- I'm completely over the moon! And it's so cool that they decided to use him in a leadership role rather than sidelining him. The story really has potential, it feels like a classic spy thriller and that's what I want to see. There's some mystery, betrayal, all the good Black Ops stuff I love.

I don't think this game is another MWiii. It could be bad, and I'm preparing myself in case it's bad or lackluster. But MWiii was a game that should have never happened. It wasn't supposed to happen. It was a glorified DLC to see if they could cash in on the success of MWii. And it's bullshit. They could have just let MWii sit for two years and cash in on skins, but they didn't. It was crap and not how you treat a loyal fanbase or the people who work for you. Devs were working nights and weekends to get this thing out and they laid them off when it failed. Basically, that project was doomed from the start.

What gives me hope here is the long development cycle. 4 years, kind of crazy to think that this is the longest development period for any CoD. But it is.

And it sounds like whoever is in charge actually gives a damn about exploring the characters for who they are. So we are going to deal with Woods' feelings around shooting Mason, his injuries, not being in the field anymore, and who knows maybe even being a guardian for a kid (I hope David is at least mentioned in this one).

Even what I've seen of Adler- it does seem like they're sticking to him being an enigma. And while I want to know more about him, at the same time I'd be ok with him just always being a little sus. He's a guy who has spent a lot of time in the shadows. It'll be fun to know what he's been up to since Cold War. Maybe they'll hint at what happened to Bell (if they do hopefully it won't result in rewrites of JWIN because I have a whole lot more to write 😅).

Also Adler and Woods teamup, ngl that sounds pretty cool.

[ariaste]

Are you, perchance, a 2013 BBC's Sherlock veteran

No particular reason I'm asking

I watched it and I think I probably reblogged a few things back in the day because I had mutuals who were into it. But I don't recall ever really feeling like I was in the fandom myself.

I'd guess that you're asking because you've recently read my Good Omens essay and your next question is about whether I was a supporter of The Johnlock Conspiracy, and the answer is a hard nah. At least to me personally, all the textual and meta-textual evidence made it abundantly clear, even a decade ago, that the show was not only inhospitable to queer fans, but actively and deliberately hostile towards them (one recalls that utterly mean-spirited depiction of what Steven Moffat thinks a "fangirl" looks and sounds like, as well as more than one occasion when he and others involved with the show mocked fans/fandom/fanfiction in interviews, on camera, with their actual human mouths). I do vaguely remember coming across people on tumblr in those days who were convinced that there was something else going on, that somehow Moffat was going to suddenly change his tune and start loving them back the way that they loved his show, that they would be rewarded for their faith by having their ship made canon, but that seemed extraordinarily unrealistic to me and not based on any concrete facts.

Now, don't get me wrong -- wishful thinking can be really fun, and you're not hurting anyone by hoping for the best and daydreaming about a happy ending. That's just basic human nature. But when someone shows you what kind of person they truly are, pay attention. Balance dreaming with prudence, and don't put all your eggs in one basket--or, rather, don't pin all your hopes on one stranger's artistic decisions.

Part of me wants to say that Steven Moffat is one of several significant contributors responsible for the deep-rooted media trauma that still afflicts thousands of fans today (consider how so many people watching the first season of Our Flag Means Death as it aired were utterly convinced that it was going to queerbait them and exploit their sincere, heartfelt desire for a queer love story on screen, the same way that nearly every other show had done already. So many people met that glimmer of hope with cynicism and pessimism, because when you've been not just disappointed but outright punished for wanting something, the natural trauma-response is to assume that you're not going to get it until you're proven wrong, because that's the only way you can protect your bruised, exhausted heart.

It is true that Moffat's cruelty to the fans of his show contributed to our collective media trauma. However, it is not the only thing that has done so: Particularly in America, we are in the midst of a literacy crisis. Schools have been failing us for more than two decades: They have increasingly failed to teach nuanced reading comprehension and to adequately equip young people with robust and agile critical thinking skills, and this means that an entire generation has been robbed of the tools that would help them to protect themselves from the psychic damage of media trauma before it happens. Moreover, it means that many people now insist on looking to canon to "legitimize" their ships, as if their own interest and enthusiasm was not sufficient. Instead of feeling empowered to reimagine the stories handed to us in order to suit our personal needs, we give away our power into the hands of strangers who do not feel any ethical responsibility to care for their audience as if the audience is a guest in their home. And thus, we get hurt. Media trauma is real, and it sucks.

To return to your original question, no, I don't consider myself a veteran of BBC Sherlock, because I wandered through town, saw that it wasn't worth the fight, and left before the war started.

Remember: In literary criticism and in science, you don't do good work by cherry-picking evidence that supports your pet theory; you do good work by assembling all the data and asking what theory would unify them into a cohesive whole. And if you're really good, you make the effort to be skeptical and look for evidence that might disprove your theory, and you invite others to check your math, because at the end of the day, you are a beautiful, imperfect human and sometimes you make mistakes.

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/fishjellylou/766623772774137856/yall-white-mfs-need-to-stop-speaking-on-louis?source=share

As a disclaimer, I swear I'm not trying to start something, but this person is clearly talking about your post. The only reason i bring this to ur attention is bc

1. They seem to be purposely misinterpreting a lot of what u said and

2. It sums up a certain attitude in fandom that's been bothering me.

You always back up your interpretations with textual evidence and seem very open to other people's interpretations as well, so this type of reaction seems very hostile to me for no reason. And I feel like this readiness to call racism over any differing opinion on Louis only manages to reduce his character and discourage people from exploring his complexities or engaging with the character at all.

At least for me, it makes me scared of sharing any opinion, because people in fandom don't seem to be open to debate and conversation, they just claim one interpretation as the only valid read of the show and anyone who disagrees is suddenly racist.

I guess i just wanted to get your take on it and ask for advice on how to deal with this type of backlash when it comes to engaging in character analysis. Your insight is always appreciated <3

Oh! Yeah, I mean - - they certainly seem to be referring to me without @'ing me!

And mmm, yeah, I'd say it reads to me as a bad faith interpretation of my posts, especially as I certainly wouldn't describe how I wrote about Louis today as a 'diabolical jezebel' - in fact, I think it's lowkey the opposite given I think he's a character who has a healthy sexual appetite which sometimes manifests in the wrong direction as a result of trauma and circumstance, as opposed to the puritanical virgin some would depict him as - and literally, explicitly said that I don't think Louis' a liar, but rather has the normal response of trying to paint himself in a better light in his memories, but y'know, they're allowed their interpretation of my posts, just as they're allowed their own readings of the show.

As someone who's been around the fandom traps for more than a decade, I can't say this isn't something I'm used to, and I kinda think it's important to be okay with it? I make these posts publicly (even if I do try to avoid using main tags lowkey for adjacent reasons to this one), so people can respond to me publicly. That's okay! I've kinda been doing the same with the l*slou fest, so I'd be a huge hypocrite to have an issue with what they do when I'm doing it a little myself, haha.

But to me posts like this also just try to weaponise the idea that being called racist is worse than being racist, and as a result is a way to shut people up, like you said. I'm open with the fact that I'm white and Australian - arguably the worst type of White, haha - and I know that I have race biases that I'm working constantly to unpack, and I work in DEI at my theatre company, so trust me when I say I've done a lot of 'official' training too, which feels stupid to talk about here in this context, but is a reality of Things I've Done.

I engage and read and listen a lot, which is all to say, I suppose, that I do try to be very conscious and present in how I exist in these conversations, and it's a funny thing to come back to fandom spaces where people do want white people to take on a cultural load, want them to engage particularly with characters of colour, want them to create fanworks involving POC - all things fandom is notoriously bad at! - and then ultimately - - y'know. Weaponise race in an attempt to shut down conversations they don't like (and I include a lot of white people in that too). It too often feels like race becomes a moving part to keep characters under certain fan interpretation ownership, which feels symptomatic of broader fandom entitlement.

I don't know. I hear you, basically, and I get your nervousness about engaging, but at the end of the day, conversations won't happen if they don't happen. Sharing your thoughts and knowing - and being able to articulate - your intent while keeping an open mind to criticism and an eagerness to learn is always a positive, at least to me. Some people are going to engage in bad faith - that's kind of inevitable these days, I think - but there are going to be a lot of people who engage in good faith too, and I don't know. A lot of people tell me I have a bit of a crap nose for it, haha, and tend to engage more of the bad faith than I should, but I always try to take things optimistically and in good faith. I like to trust that people mean the best, and when they don't - - well, that's for private chats, haha.

[queer-ragnelle]

the arthuriana essays you share on here are always so interesting and well-researched! are there specific places you go to look for them or do they just kind of find you over time?

Hi anon! This is a complex answer. Research is never simple lol obligatory disclaimer I'm just some random enthusiast and in no way an academic, this is just how I go about it.

I find essays in a variety of places. JSTOR is where most of the stand-alone essays came from (IE; not otherwise published in a book, sometimes in journals I cannot find). I’ve been very fortunate to have friends lend me their college bypass so I could download from there, as I would be unable to access them otherwise.

Sometimes, while reading books, like The Friend by Alan Bray, there will be a reference to an influential essay or article, such as Faithful Unto Death, which describes the joint tomb of Sir John Clanvowe and Sir William Neville. For that paper, a friend had to request it from their own institution, wait for it, and then give it to me. I'd been staring longingly at it for literally years but couldn't justify paying the $30+ asking price for a PDF. I was lucky, once again, to have help.

Another way to find these academic resources is by reading the footnotes or bibliography in the back of books and tracing the source of individual essays or articles back to a bigger collection contributed by a variety of authors contained in a single volume (like A Companion to Malory I shared a few days ago). I learned about Alan Bray specifically because other essayists kept referencing his work! From there, I sought him out. The same has happened as I delved into Zoroastrian studies. The literature there is limited (at least in the English language, as I cannot read Persian or Hindi). So I found myself researching in a circle, following the trail of names until I ran out of scholars and they just referenced each other's work back and forth. I had consumed the entire body of [English] literature on the subject, so I knew I had come to collect the same resources as these essayists and historians had! Once you start going, "Hey, it's my friend [scholar] again!" you know you're in deep haha!

Much the same has happened with Arthurian legend. Norris J Lacy, known for his work as head editor of the translation team that tackled the Vulgate, is everywhere. He's the editor of countless textbooks, translator of medieval poems and prose, and even wrote his own retelling, A Camelot Triptych. Once you find someone in a field of interest that pops up a lot, you can begin searching for relevant resources through their name, rather than relying on blindly sifting through thousands of papers tagged "King Arthur".

Essayists don't make any money on this stuff. Institutions even charge people to publish their work. It's perfectly acceptable to obtain that knowledge however necessary. If you don't have college access yourself nor a friend who can help, there are websites to pirate from. (Please use a VPN to protect yourself.) Some websites are specific to the field, like science, which isn't my expertise, so I can't offer guidance there. But I've had luck on annas-archive.

It can be easy to assume everyone has the same opportunities, that a screenshot or link to JSTOR is sufficient for someone to access the same information mentioned in a post. It's tough when tumblr doesn't let you upload a PDF! It makes sharing resources difficult. One could dedicate money and cloud space to it (like I do with Google and MEGA drive) or upload it to a discord server where it can't breach containment and reaches only a limited audience. It's not ideal! And it's no individual's responsibility to tackle the problems with academia and gatekeeping, of course, but my goal is to source as much of what I discuss as I possibly can, as well as share those resources with anyone who could benefit from them. A librarian basically lol so I'm glad the essays I've shared have been beneficial to you!

[gingerlegacy07]

Writer Interview Game

Thank you @morelikeravenbore for the tag! Everyone please check out her blog! She's a great writer with a beautiful MC!

When did you start writing? I was around 12/13 when I first wrote an actual little story. I loved doing it once for an assignment at school and from there on I kept writing. Mostly it was little love stories I made up, but when I was 15 I really got into Cinema Bizarre and wrote a (very bad, very cringey) chaptered story about them. I also wrote a pretty big Supernatural story in Dutch, but I never continued it after about 30 chapters. I stopped writing for a few years after that. I always loved reading fanfiction though and once I got into Kpop when I was 20, I started writing a little bit again. Mostly oneshots and all. After that I didn't write in over 8 years. Well, at one point I did try my hand on an orginal story, but I'm not even two chapters in so... Anyway, when HL came out I really got obsessed with it. And I started reading fanfiction about it. Before I knew it I was writing again and this time actually finished every story I started haha. Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write? The only trope rather than genre that I enjoy reading, but haven't written (yet lol) is enemies-to-lovers. I absolutely love that trope, but only if it's done well. And I have not yet dared to try it because I feel like I wouldn't make it good. But one day I do really want to try writing it. Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? No. I'd rather have my own style and so far I haven't been compared to someone. Though I do admit that since I read most books in English, I've gotten some ideas of describing certain scenes or use certain wording in my writing. Can you tell me a bit about your writing space? Simple; on my bed, on my couch or sitting at my dinner table haha. I'll admit I've even wrote a bit at work lol. I don't really care for the space around me. All I need is my laptop and the inspiration/want to write and the words will come to me.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse? Listening to music, reading or watching a movie. Basically seeing or hearing anything that tells a story. A lot of times it either brings me ideas on how to proceed or it creates a vague outline for me which I want to expand and write a oneshot. I have a few stories written that are heavily based on a song. But sometimes I want to progress my WIP and want something to happen, just that I don't know what. Music, video's or book can help with that. Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you? Absolutely. Heartbreak, fluffiness, happy family life. With nsfw fics it's the aftercare scene and there's almost always some form of trauma. It doesn't surprise me as those themes are the ones I love to write and feel comfortable writing. Happy family life and aftercare is something I enjoy writing a lot and fluff is something I write because I'm a huge empath and need some fluff (especially after writing a very angsty scene or oneshot) to heal me. Heartbreak can make for the most delicious and soulcrushing angst and trauma does that too. They also help with character development; your character goes through something terrible and you'll need to write them dealing with it and moving on (or not) from it in their own way. What is your reason for writing? Because I want to read something that I haven't seen before or is hard to find and then I decide, well I can just write it myself. For example: with HL, I stuck to reading fanfiction until I started shipping Ominis and Poppy together. There were hardly any fics out there and the very few that were, only had them as a minor side couple. So I decided I wanted to write something with them, where they develop a friendship that turns into a relationship overtime. Very slowburn. At the same time I wanted people to read it or at least get interested and since I was sure just writing them as a main couple might not work (and honestly, I do love me some good SebastianxMC), I decided to make the main characters SebastianxReader (so whoever read it could insert either themselves, their own MC or someone they made up on the spot) with Ominis and Poppy as a pretty big side couple. So yeah, my main reason for writing is because I always got ideas in my head that I would love to read, but is hard to find. Thus I try writing it myself. Is their any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating? Honestly, any kind of positive comment is already motivating to me. But whenever someone takes their time to give a bit more details to their thoughts about my writing, it is extremely motivating for me to write more. It always helps to know someone likes it enough to leave a long comment and with giving their thoughts, I can get a bit of perspective on what my readers like/do not like. How do you want to be thought about by your readers? Good question. I don't necessarily want them to have a particular opinion about me, but I'd be flattered if, whenever they see my name besides a title, they think along the lines of: Oh I do like her stories. I dunno. It's always nice to know people enjoy your work, but as far as having an opinion about me, it doesn't matter really. What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? I think understanding the characters I write and sticking to that while I develop their growth in my stories. How do you feel about your own writing? Not gonna lie, I always thought it was trash, but ever since I started writing for HL I actually like it now. Still, the first few chapters of my trilogy are a bit... icky to me, but overall I think I do a decent job at writing and it's pretty good. Most importantly; I love it!

That was fun! Thank you for whoever made this :D NP tags: @writingannyred @polarisgreenley @zetadraconis11 @sallowslove @mspegasus17

[talesoflore]

Just thought I might as well since this has been something that's been on my mind for a while.

I don't know if I'm aspec. But it's still an identity that resonates with me a lot, and sometimes my support of it feels almost crazy because the thing is, a few years down the line I might realize that hey, I actually do want to have the whole love/sex/romance shebang!!

It feels really weird, to be honest. It's part of the reason I don't use any labels for myself because I'd rather be straight by default unless proven otherwise than have to realign my entire perception of myself.

Basically, to all the questioning aro/ace-spec folks out there: this stuff is confusing as heck. I love you anyway. In every way that's not romantic or sexual, at least XD

We'll figure this out, 'kay? And I think it's alright to play around with a label and realize it doesn't fit later on. Stuff happens. Identity's fluid. You'll be okay.

[fillipquesender]

I know i rebloged something that said abt hating tsams moon rn but I take it back hes became a character I can't bring myself to hate 😓

Okay time for the ramble:

And whilst I don't necessarily agree with how he treated his family and what he's doing, but I understand it. I had a full on 2am talk to myself about this so

I understand why he'd sacrifice ruin to get solar back, I mean, ruin was the main thing that lead to solar dying. Bloodmoon I kinda do as well, but in the case of the fact that he's also done lots of horrible things rather than being related to Solar's death. Sure, he shouldn't have to kill someone whos not related to solars death since thats basically punishing him for something he didn't do, but I understand why he would pick him as a second option.

I get why he's acting this way, when you've experienced a death of someone you hold very dearly, expecially if they died right in your arms, you aren't gonna be in the best mental state. Doesn't help if you work yourself to the bone whilst having to deal with a bunch of other stuff. And I get why he didn't listen to old moon about apologising. I assume, and please tell me of it was said otheriwise, I'd understand if he's just worried that because of what he's said that everyone would just hate him. What he did was extreamly wrong, and eath said herself she'd never forgive him. Sure, she may not hate him, but she can't forget that.

I do know that doing all this would make no difference if he takes breaks inbetween, results wise whether thats solar coming back or not, but I know if he took breaks in between he wouldn't be this far gone.

I do feel like if he somehow brings solar back, memories intact, either someone else would have died, or that solar wouldn't approve of what he's done. I know for sure that he'd be seeing moon as his moon, they are acting the exact same with the whole 'continuious eorking to bring dead brother back'. But god do I hope that if solar comes back he knocks some sense into moon, at least a tiny bit.

But at the same time, if solar doesn't come back its pretty much the same as if he was a living thing/not an animatronic. You can't bring back living things, and if thats what it becomes with solar, then I don't know what. I know moon said he doesn't want help, and you obviously can't help someone who doesn't want it because they won't put in the effort, but if he somehow does manage to want help I hope he actually gets it done by a professional. He said it himself, earth isn't a therapist. Shes his sister, someone who just wants him to be okay. (Along with that the whole tsams cast should get actual therapy from a registered therapist, i guarentee you being the therapist sibling would be taking a toll)

Who knows, maybe if someone dies moon would finally knock sense into himself. That or he has to die himself before he becomes sane again. I do know for sure that sun is most likely going to die next, and even if he doesn't he sure does need it because doesn't that shit make them forget- it would be nice to get rid of the trauma. Though, I do also kind of hope that if sun dies its wayyy after all this has happened, because if he dies right after moon is sane again, it will just send him spiralling again.

Okay I think thats all thansk for reading all this

I should do rambles like this more often, this was nice :3 its like the evil twin of rants, except the evil twin is a sweetheart

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey Makenzie! Bookblr ask for you - have you ever read any of the books that Bridgerton is based on? Idk if you ever watched that show but the books are... interesting to say the least. They are all trashy romances set in the historical era (regency era England tho iirc the author is American). I've read a couple of them and they're a bit basic, but you mentioning your tolerance for bad shit in romances did make me wonder if you might like them? Deffo do think they have their moments of joy sparking although there's other questionable shit in them too. Anyway if you do ever check them out I'd love to know what you think of them!

hi! fun question!

I actually haven't delved much into historical romance, with the exception of Alexis Hall's A Lady for the Duke (it's EVERYTHING, very swoony and silly in the best. I wish the last chunk of the book had just been about the duke sucking Viola's dick instead of the very goofy plot that actually happened, but no book is perfect) and KJ Charles' Magpie Lord (it's fine, although I commend the use of jizz magic).

I first started the monthly romance reads last year basically because I wanted to study the genre and figure out how it works, but Romance as a category is so huge that I figured it made the most sense to focus in one area - in my case, popular contemporary romances rather than historical or werewolf stuff or romantasy (again, exception for the Magpie Lord) or whatever's going on in those ones that are about romanticizing the Amish. if I remember correctly, I only branched out to A Lady for the Duke last year as a little pride month treat for myself, because I wanted to get at least one trans romance in for the year (this was back when I thought I was only reading romances for 2023) and that book was really well-reviewed.

I haven't explored into historical romance beyond that. I think maybe it feels a little less interesting to me than contemporary romances for reasons I can't quite place - maybe because the image I have in my head of "historical romance" is very Bridgerton-y, and the particular set of tropes I affiliate with that isn't very compelling to me. say what you will about contemporary romances, but at least it's just a given that women can vote, you know? but I don't know, maybe that's exactly why I should give historicals a chance. I didn't know a lot about contemporary romance either when I first dove in, and now I can complain about them in a way that's way more detailed and informed. I need a theme for my July romance poll; maybe I could celebrate the 4th of July by reading a book about shitty dead white people?

if nothing else I have to say that it compels me that you think I might like Bridgerton specifically because of my high level of shit tolerance, that genuinely makes me more interested in the books than anything good you could say about them.

[rabbitindisguise]

I think I'm going to socialize less irl (long vent post under the cut)

I feel like I've tried so hard at the Be Normal And Nourished from Normal Hobbies and Normal Interactions but tbh it just has not worked. I have not become neurotypical in the slightest (well, duh, should have expected that) and I feel like I'm struggling extremely badly with literally everything all of the time. Something has to give and I think "something" is "having more time to relax and reflect because I'm not talking to people 5 out of 7 days a week."

The thing is that like, I want to do what works and feels best for me. But I feel like the outside world can't accept "hermit that mainly does stuff by themselves." The alternative however is becoming what seems to be a huge jerk. No one else seems concerned with this, like they think the jerk-ness is an active choice and not one that arrived organically because circumstances despite my attempts at learning coping mechanisms and things to stop it. People will complain about X behavior (reasonable) and then act totally unconcerned when I'm like "look this is happening because I'm literally at the end of my rope. There's no rope left. I need to get more rope. That is the solution. Eating broccoli, no matter how helpful that is, is not going to give me more rope."

We're supposed to be perfect even when we're miserable is the thing isn't it?? Maybe that makes me a bad person (to fail to do "basic decency" in a bad place) but I'd rather be a bad person and antisocial or whatever than an active jerk while attempting doing "normal." This is a very easy decision to make actually.

I just need like a break. Some time to get it together. Idk.

. . . and like, there's so much to unpack form "be normal."

When I was living with other people, I was obsessed with doing chores properly so no one would have reason to be upset with me (because ADHD fears™), and house organizing was always something I deprioritized as something not worth asking for flexibility on, etc. I couldn't set rules and I couldn't stop doing what I felt was useless but crucially I didn't want to get mad at other people about that. So I tried (failed) to manage myself to make that sort of situation possible.

I'm general "doing normal" is "follow conventional health advice like to talk to your friends when you feel bad." Except I feel bad and it doesn't help. Lose/lose.

Who knows what other stuff I've internalized trying to just Do The Magic Thing to become tolerable. I feel like it's an impossible task and people keep congratulating me for trying but I feel like it's not the thing I want to be hearing tbh. Isn't that what everyone wants, to be accepted even when they don't fit societal norms?? "Thank you for trying to not be your weird self" feels icky. They're just trying to be supportive of what I thought was necessary, I know, I just also didn't pull "do normal" out of my ass- it's everywhere. Everyone seems to have an idea of the basic steps someone who isn't good at socializing should do (shower more, sleep more, eat correct things, do hands on hobbies, join clubs, take leadership roles in organizations, practice self help tips, exist in one community for a long time, talk about what other people are interested in, ask questions, practice active listening, assertive communication, setting boundaries, anger management, venting to friends, doing therapy, doing physical activity, etc etc etc). But no one seems to have any idea that sometimes you're just like this. And by "like this" I don't mean socializing- maybe I'll find a balance of something that will work. No, I mean the thing they think is the key to socializing that everyone should do. I cannot physically do all of them- especially when plenty are contradictory.

It's like weight loss right?? You might feel more alone than ever, feel physically ill, and struggle with constant fatigue- but at least from the outside you look normal! :) you did everything possible to carve away the stuff people blamed your problems on only to find that- surprise!- the problems were unrelated and that was one of the few things that made you content to begin with. Where are people then? What advice do they have when it "works" to satisfy them but the cost is too damn high for you? What explanation do they have when the thing they thought all your problems were the source of does not improve your life in any way? If you're only allowed to have problems if you try to look normal, what happens when looking normal becomes one of your problems? Do they take your word on it, that you tried the normal thing and it was uncomfortable. Do they finally stop pressuring you to do the normal stuff. Do they reconsider their priorities. Or were their "suggestions" from a place of not considering your welfare to begin with?

I guess we'll find out.

[pudding-parade]

Simblr New Years Resolution 2024

Because @papermint-airplane is lazy and demanding…and I promise not to whine too much.

What's your Resolution for your Simblr? I dunno. I always say that I want to be less flaky and "here today, gone tomorrow" about it, but I never actually follow through with that. Life happens and, when I can, there are many things that I'd rather be doing than sitting at a computer messing around on a blog. Right now, I don't have a whole lot of other options available, so…Enjoy it while it lasts? Hate it while it lasts? I guess? But even so, there are other games I want to play besides Sims, and since this is a (mostly) Sims-dedicated blog…Well, there we are.

What do you want from the Sims Franchise? All I want for Christmas is a 64-bit TS3 so that I don't have to keep checking how much RAM the game is using and then saving and reloading before it hits the Point of No Return. It must really suck for people who play bigger and more heavily-populated worlds than I do.

I'm convinced a 64-bit TS3 will never happen, though. Even though, last I checked, EA still sells the game. At full price, even.

Any other New Years Resolutions? I've never been one to make resolutions. Life is too unpredictable, so I just go with the flow, doing the best I can day by day. I'm old enough now that I know that who I basically am and what I will do in my life is not going to change much, if at all. I've done chameleon-like change enough in the past -- sometimes willingly, sometimes not -- that I don't feel that I need to change anything else, ever. I'm happy with who and what I am, but it's taken me about 50 years to get to that level of I-don't-give-a-shit-what-anyone-else-thinks zen, so…yeah. LOL

On the other hand, not to be really strange and probably macabre, but…Until recently, I wasn't supposed to live for very much longer. I'd already outlived expectations, in fact. I'd been given about 5 to 7 years of "meaningful" life when I was diagnosed in 2013, meaning that after that it was predicted that I'd pretty much be hospital- or at least bed-bound until I finally kicked it. Or offed myself, which was my plan for when I became incapacitated because that is no kind of life.

So, how long I could've kept going was an open question, but I think it probably wouldn't have been much more than a year, realistically. Things went downhill pretty fast this past year. And I had come to grips with that and had things all arranged. But now that I will live longer, perhaps even a normal lifespan, I'm kind of feeling flummoxed about what I'm going to do with all that time that I hadn't planned on. So maybe my resolution should be figuring that shit out. Yeah.

Anyway! I, too, am lazy and demanding, so I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you read this and decide to do it, too, tell 'em I sent ya.

[muninnhuginn]

hello! for the wip ask game: 🌀🌧️☔

hi! sorry for taking ridiculously long to answer this, but thanks for asking ^^

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

Went for the placeholder summary of the angsty CXS-QL siblingisms fic I've been stalled on for months:

It's not that Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn't like Qiao Ling as a sister. It's just that she has her family; he has his. That's all there is to it. That's all there will ever be.

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

This is from the siblingisms fic. Hopefully makes sense without much context, but tldr Cheng Xiaoshi and Xiao Li are at the store having accidental emotional (un)honesty hours:

Cheng Xiaoshi muttered, “I’m not going to make the mistake of pushing myself into somewhere I’m not wanted.” That hadn’t been what he’d meant to say. “Not that I think– Maybe when we were younger, it was one thing, but Qiao Ling has her own stuff on, nowadays.” Better. Xiao Li's expression was unreadable at that, so Cheng Xiaoshi cleared his throat and continued, “You do get that, right?” It came out more pleading than he was comfortable with. He clearly hadn't convinced Xiao Li, whose eyes narrowed. For a second, Cheng Xiaoshi thought he might leave it be, but then he moved closer. Cheng Xiaoshi resisted the urge to shy back, well aware there was a shelf directly behind him. “Look,” Xiao Li said, resting a hand on Cheng Xiaoshi’s shoulder. “You’re young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Now is the time for you to make mistakes, alright?” The grip on his shoulder tightened until it verged on painful. “Make your mistakes now so you don’t make them later.” Xiao Li looked away then, allowing the harsh lights of the store to catch his wrinkles. He seemed old, all of a sudden. “Don’t presume you know what’s going on in someone’s else’s mind.”

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I've got two here. One Link Click (donghua version), one White Cat Legend (cdrama version specifically).

The Link Click concept is something I may attempt one day, but eh, for now it's just in my head. So, the hospital-boat loop in season two. I subscribe to the idea that Lu Guang never meant for Cheng Xiaoshi to loop back in his place at the hospital. And I'd love to explore the implications of that if you actually follow them through. Lu Guang may not have even *realised* that Cheng Xiaoshi went back at first, so in this concept, when he realises what happened (due to CXS casually referencing the phone passcode of trauma LG did not know he knew), he freaks. Thinks CXS could have seen something when was possessing him (s2 finale spoilers obviously :V). And in trying to dig to figure out *what* Cheng Xiaoshi knows from his possession that time (which is... basically nothing) Lu Guang would basically give the game away to some extent. Hadn't decided if to make it full reveal or not, but that was the gist (still not written a proper reveal in general, but at some point I should at least try rather than dancing around it).

The other concept. So, honestly, I *know* there are probably fic with this as the basis but none of it is in English so I'm stuck pawing sadly at the sidelines. White Cat Legend (cdrama not donghua) time travel fix-it with qiubing. Where they both go back and don't realise the other has also gone back and so spend the whole time suspicious of each other. I hadn't gone any further than that because I know time travel fix-it deals tend to be longer than a short one-shot which is all I trust myself to write, but their whole canon loyalty/distrust dynamic is so compelling. They're both falling on swords for each other whilst refusing to clear any of the misunderstandings up. So turbo charging that dynamic with time travel and giving them the chance to fix everything if they'd just talk *properly* to each other is like catnip to me.

[krikeymate]

You remember how you told us that you laugh when you're in pain? It's a natural reaction to pain or trauma (laughing in shock). Lots of people do it.

Sooo... people say that Tara laughs/smiles after stabbing Ethan and that it proves that she enjoys the killing, too. To me, it doesn't look like enjoyment or amusement AT ALL. It's relief. It's shock. It's trauma. It's completely different from Sam's tiny smiles.

Sam's smiles convey dominance. They're unnerving. Almost maniacal. Tara just looks like she's smiling because the alternative would be sobbing hysterically. Tara might be fine with Sam killing people but I don't think she'd ever willingly kill anybody, and she definitely wouldn't find enjoyment in it. That's why I don't think Ghostface-Tara will happen, whereas I can definitely see Ghostface-Sam happening.

I feel like Tara really just wants to live a normal life. Sam wants that too, but she does have that darkness inside of her, and sometimes she really has to fight against it. Like, I believe (or I hope) that most people don't think about killing people - not even when they're super mad or disappointed or something. But for Sam, I feel like her brain would immediately go to 'I could just kill them' - and she means it! - if someone's messing with her or - especially - the people she loves, and she has to remind herself that that's not a normal response. You know what I mean?

In canon, I believe Tara doesn't really have an ounce of evil in her. At least not more than any other person on earth. She does have a very good survival instinct, though (mostly, maybe not in that Chad scene where tiny Tara wanted to fight 2 Ghostfaces without hesitation or in the party scene, where she was ready to willingly go upstairs with that douche). She's acting on pure instinct and adrenaline in most of her scenes in both movies. She's just trying to survive. Sam's also just trying to survive (and protect) BUT she does seem to find some sort of enjoyment once she gains the upper hand. There definitely is some evil slumbering within her.

So yeah, I feel like more people seem to expect Tara to become Ghostface eventually, and it doesn't make sense to me at all. Like, there's basically nothing in canon that would lead to that. She completely accepts Sam, yes. All of her. She fully embraces every part of her sister, without a single trace of judgment (as seen in Bailey's death scene). But to me, that's just a little sister thing. Sam's the coolest person on earth to Tara, and she can't do wrong in Tara's eyes. It's sort of infantile because most kids outgrow that phase sooner rather than later - but Tara obviously hasn't, which might be a childhood trauma thing.

So yeah, I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it - if you feel like replying! I'm definitely open to changing my mind :)

Oh 100% Tara's laughing is because the alternative is crying. She's traumatised and it's this moment of relief that she's still alive and she's beaten him and she's won.

I think a lot of people have jumped on Tara should/will become Ghostface because they want a returning survivor to 'go bad', as that's something we haven't seen in the franchise, and although Sam is the obvious answer to that, given the story set out for her, she really can't. She's mentally ill and on antipsychotics, so to make her Ghostface would be a terrible and damaging choice. Plus, her story is about overcoming the darkness. For Tara however, you don't have that, but you can very easily have the opposite happen, a story of succumbing instead. I myself love the concept, although I hold no expectations or allusions that we will get that at all in canon. I also think people are focussing too much on the 1 -> 5, 2 -> 6, 3 -> 7 idea, and think oh Ghostface is going to be a half-sibling, well Sam and Tara are half-siblings. I don't think they're gonna do that.

I don't necessarily think we could get a Tara who is a straight-up killer in the way Sam could become, but she's definitely the type of character who could easily turn into a mastermind figure, if she wanted to. Now, does she want to, no. I do think however that it would be interesting for 7 to play on that, to put both sisters on the edge of becoming what they hate by having them hunting down a Ghostface instead of waiting to be hunted, but ultimately without them actually falling over it. In that movie anyway lol.

I don't think Tara's reaction to stabbing Ethan is what really condemns her however, it's the nod to Sam at the end. She's saying finish it. That act shows there is some darkness inside her, that she's not entirely innocent. If she hadn't done that, Sam would have backed away, and Bailey would have been taken away by the police/paramedics. Maybe he would have died anyway of his wounds, maybe he would have survived, the end result for that doesn't actually matter. Sam put him down, because Tara let her, because Tara wanted her to.

As for what you said about how often people think about killing - I think you might be surprised! It's a very common intrusive thought, the thought of murder or suicide. We have to remember that Sam is mentally ill, and so yes she would have those thoughts of 'I could just kill them', but those would be unwanted intrusive thoughts. The more severe your mental illness, the more severe and frequent those types of thoughts. They can be terrifying to deal with and really mess with the way you interact with others and the world.

If Tara was to go down a darker path, it wouldn't work just from where we leave her in 6. Where we leave her, she's realised she has to get therapy and work through her problems if she wants to keep Sam in her life, and she promises to do so. There is however a lot that can go wrong for her that could push her further into going down that path, as opposed to say, Chad, who I could not see ever doing such a thing, from what we've seen of his character.

[tokidokitokyo]

Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash

2024年7月31日

This month I've been thinking a lot about study habits. I've been looking at "how to study" and thinking about study habits that work for me and those that don't. I have the basics down, and what I mean by that is that I Japanese study daily, no matter what (unless something crazy happens, of course). But I always want to improve my study habits. I want to work smarter, not harder. I want to maximize the small amount of time I have for studying. So this month, I'll take a quick look at my study habits in general.

See this post for study habit tips!

今月よく学習習慣について考えています。徳に一番良い日本語を勉強する方法とか、自分に合うか合わない学習習慣について考えています。毎日少しでも日本語の勉強をしとく。何かが起こったら、たまに勉強しない日もあるだろうが、普通に毎日勉強します。しかしもっといい勉強する方法をずっと探しています。時間があまりないので時間を大事に使って勉強したいと思って、懸命にではなく賢く働きたいと思います。そして今月のまとめは自分の一般的な学習習慣について書こうと思います。

July Progress

I spent a lot of time Reading in July, and less time on Vocabulary and Kanji. However, vocabulary and kanji practice go along with reading, so although I didn't mark it as such, there was more vocabulary and kanji practice than it seems.

In terms of study habits, I continued my small study habits throughout the month. I was able to study at least for 10 minutes every day, and sometimes more than than that. I just want to briefly discuss what study habits I found useful (and maybe some that didn't work for me).

Vocabulary & Kanji

Usually I study vocab & kanji as a set, so I group them together a lot. Writing kanji out is the best way that I learn new kanji, but I don't have a lot of time to sit down with a notebook or workbook and practice kanji. So often I will look at the radicals and try to break down a kanji into its parts in my head. Thinking about the kanji this way also helps me to retain the meaning and how it should be written (though I'd be hard pressed to write most kanji by hand, I can at least identify them on a keyboard). I've also found the Kanji Garden and Ringotan apps to be useful for quick kanji study.

For vocabulary, I try to use the word in a sentence. I look up the meaning, find an example sentence, and try to run through it in my mind. Often I will make a post about a vocab word I come across, so when you see my vocab posts they often come from reading or from conversations or something I've watched.

Grammar

Grammar for me takes a lot of time. I can't use flashcards or anything like that; I have to sit down with a textbook and go through the examples. Often times I don't have time to thoroughly master grammar in one sitting, so I do a lot of review. I use resources separated by JLPT level, so I sometimes pull from my N3 resources and sometimes from my N2 resources.

Listening & Speaking

Often listening and speaking go together, because I have a lot of conversations in Japanese. I also do a lot of listening that involves podcasts, TV, etc. and this involves little speaking, but I'm going to group these together. Listening is best done actively, although sometimes I put something on and tune out. But I never recollect what I heard, so I need to be concentrating to really benefit from listening.

For speaking, I try to mimic other people's speech patterns, especially those I'd like to emulate, such as mom friends from the Japanese preschool. I certainly emulate my husband often, although this is unconscious. In the past I have spoken to my pets and myself for speaking practice, trying to practice making sentences on the fly. This works well as I am usually an avid listener of myself.

Reading

When I read in any language, I prefer to have long chunks of time to dedicate to my reading. However, as that is not usually possible in my daily life, I usually set aside some time just before bed to read. Instead of trying to meet a time or page requirement, I put in the amount of reading that I can, and try to enjoy it rather than having it be a chore.

I also try to pick things to read that I enjoy. I've tried reading many things, but if I don't enjoy reading something I find it a real struggle to get through. So if I don't vibe with something, I skip it. Life is too short, etc. When I don't want to get into anything serious I will just read a manga, and sometimes even that is too much for my brain so I will just not read if I'm not in the mood.

Writing

I always find it difficult to know what to write about. I've tried prompts, stream of consciousness writing, and things like that, but I still struggle for topics. Sometimes just writing works, and sometimes it doesn't. I don't write on any consistent basis, and I don't usually have people correct me, but when I get inspired I go on HelloTalk and write something and check in later for corrections.

So, the TLDR version for July is that you should try to find what works for you and stick with it, and if you don't like doing something, stop doing it immediately ^.^ It will make learning less of a chore and less of a struggle and more of a fun thing. What fun habits do you have for language learning?

つまり、好きな勉強し方をすればいいと思います。そして嫌だったら直ぐ辞めた方がいいと思います。(^.^) そうすれば、勉強はつまらないことじゃなくて、楽しいことになるはずです。皆さんの楽しい勉強の習慣は何でしょうか？

[diapereddarling]

Hello! It's me, from your notifications! Do you have a summary of your story anywhere? I went through a few character tags, but didn't find one. Also, I love that Damian is disabled but still gets to dress up all fancy. I didn't realize how rare it is to see that.

Hihi :D! I don't really have a story summary yet as a lot is still in planning and it's very wip BUT I can give you some links in semi chronological order of what I have got and also gush about it here!

aaa I'm so glad you like Dorian and how I present him >u< full disclaimer, I myself am a physically abled person. I'm trying my best to write and present him as respectfully as I can with a lot of research and opinions of friends in similar states of disability- but I may be ham fisted or get things wrong, so to anyone who reads this, please let me know if I fuck up somewhere. I'd rather be told I did something wrong or presented something disrespectfully than have people be uncomfortable in silence about it. DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY- Yeah I noticed like, a lot of disabled characters ( be it physical or mental ) don't really get presented as if they like dressing up or looking nice- particularly after trying to look up more disability friendly ways Dorian would probably use. It Sucks lol. At least from the people with mental disabilities side of it where I sit, I can say that ain't true of everyone at all. It's just harder.

ANYWAYS, SUMARY OF POSTS AND STORY RAMBLING

So you can find some character reference stuff from this post here with picrew images- they were mainly so I could get a general idea of the main cast without physically having to draw them quickly

The story so far

The first post chronologically would be this one, as it talks about what happened to Dorian specifically. A bit about his home life, his parents, his neighbour and how he was released from said situation. I'm currently working on figuring out what the antagonist of this section's ties were to which god- but my main goal was to make it feel realistic at first before involving mythos with it. CW: : Stalking, kidnapping, delusions (involving pseudo incest thoughts ), (spinal) injury

After the incident, Dorian was hospital bound for a While. He'd been given a spinal injury, he was severely traumatised and could not be trusted to look after himself after all that yet because he was 6 months into being 18 when Mayline's life time of stalking came to a head. Even with rehabilitation efforts alone, the stint in hospital would've been a long one but then there was also the mental hurdles too. You can read some of that experience here. CW: medical setting, reactions to trauma, involuntary wetting and messing mention, a character being forcibly restrained in a non sexual way and trying to come to terms with mobility loss.

So while he was trying to adjust to his new normal there were a lot of things he would try to do to feel as if his life hadn't drastically changed ( it had, it's unfair that it happened but it is fine that it is now his life. Period of adjustment and all. ) He waited until Mayline's trail had been dealt with to carry on with education because, well. He's scared of her. He wants to know what's going to happen with her before he tried anything. During that time he read a lot, basically exposure therapying himself to the dark stories and stuff he enjoyed before because he didn't want to lose something that he felt made up so much of his identity. It almost definitely wasn't healthy but that is how he dealt with it.

After about a year or two, he decided he wanted to give further education a try. Since he was a kid he wanted to be a baker- he knew at least at the moment it was a pipe dream, mostly because of the various conditions that he has making said environment pretty dangerous. But he wanted to try.

While doing his culinary course, he met Leia. They didn't initially interact that much- very different aesthetics and very different circles. But Leia's a very intense and bubbly lass- so when she saw Dorian reading a book that she'd also wanted to read; there was basically no hesitation in her running up to him to chatter about the book. They became fast friends after that. Becoming friends with Leia helped him a lot in all honesty- Dorian was kind of Terrified of women after the incident ( and felt awful for it ) especially if they shared features with Mayline ( Blonde hair, blue eyes ect ), so Leia being both a woman and having blonde hair helped bring him out of it some what.

Dorian met Steven during the middle of his second year. It was when he decided to get his first tattoo ( the one on his thigh ) and Steven was apprenticing as a tattoo artist at the time. It's kind of difficult to not talk at least a little while going through the pretty long process of being tattooed and they ended up just getting along really well and meshing super well so just continued to meet up when they could because they enjoyed each others company.

Dorian also met Stevens current partner at the time, Charlie. They were all pretty friendly with each other though romantically, Charlie and Steven only lasted about 8 months. They broke it off mutually agreeing they'd be better friends and actually did become much closer as a platonic bestfriends rather than romantic partners. Charlies cool, he helped Dorian solder spikes to the rims of the wheels on his wheelchair to force people to stop trying to get to close lmao. It was his idea.

After university Dorian realised there was no way he could safely hold down a job. The mobility issues were too much to handle in a commercial kitchen setting even without the stress induced narcolepsy. It messed with him for quite a bit.

He lived on the internet for a bit, being fond of niche gothic forums and very surprisingly, still taking interest in true crime. It might've been an interest before his kidnapping but now he just wants to try to understand what the hell was going on in Mayline's head. He met Maxine on one of these forums, they talked about gothic lit for quite a bit before exchanging socials and forming a friendship off that.

During this time Dorian and Steven also started dating- and after about a year and a half, moved in together. They have a lower floor apartment together and one day hope to get a house together. Dorian also got his two kitties, Carmilla and Poe!

While living together Steven suggested to Dorian the idea of videoing himself baking or streaming it. It was kinda him recognising Dorian was trying to get over the hurdle of not being able to do what he wanted since he was a kid but also not wanting to give up completely. It isn't perfect but it works and Dorian finds a lot of fulfilment in it. He doesn't show his face ever, understandably, so he does his best to remain more or less anonymous on the internet with these things :3

All of these characters have been touched by at least one of the gods in in some way in this universe btw. I am figuring out the semantics but ye! That's what I've got so far c: