#basically everyone is invited. I hope I didn't miss anyone

[flemingology]

Hi !! :D Following your most recent post I wanted to request smth for Jessie . Basically reader is not used to celebrating Christmas since she had problems with her family growing up which lead to them never celebrating it in their household . Cue to now where Jessie and her are spending their first ever Christmas as a couple , Jessie invites reader to her parents’s for Christmas and it becomes the first time reader gets to celebrate it ? Just really fluffy mostly (idk if what I wrote made sense English is not my first language 😭)

home for the holidays ─ jessie fleming x reader

part of my christmas series. full masterlist here!

in which: jessie and her family are determined to change your mind about celebrating christmas

warnings: talks of a poor youth, poverty, financial issues, dysfunctional family dynamic but also lots of fluff, i promise

wc: 4.6k

a/n: first part of the christmas series! combined a couple drafts of jessie taking reader to celebrate christmas with her family. hope you enjoy!

Growing up, you missed out on a lot of things due to the precarious financial situation of your family. Your dad had incurred a work-related accident when you were three years old, leaving him bedridden with permanent spinal cord injury. Your mum worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, trying her hardest to muster up the money to take care of both you and your father. Nonetheless, your family struggled. You never experienced any of the traditional things that most kids did; no birthday parties, no holidays, no trips to the zoo or an amusement park, and certainly not Christmas. You dreaded the Christmas holidays. It confronted you with the dysfunctional family dynamic, never having the money to buy presents, let alone decorate the house.

The longer you found yourself in the terrible conditions in which you grew up, the more you promised yourself that you would try and break that vicious cycle. From the age of 16, you started looking for a job. You struggled, a lot of employers judging you based off your background, but eventually you managed to get a job at a local supermarket on the corner of your street. When you weren't at school, you were working, and when you weren't working, you were helping your mum with household chores. You didn't have any free time at all, but you kept reassuring yourself it would all be worth it in the end.

By the age of 20, you finally felt like you could look forward a little. You had finished school at 18, and now had been working full-time in the supermarket for 2 years, still helping your mum out with the household and even giving a big part of your income to her to help out with dad's care. Besides that, you opened a savings account for yourself, where you put the remainder of the money you made every month. You felt like you were slowly but surely creeping out the vicious cycle, paving the way for yourself to have a more positive looking future. You didn't have to take things day-to-day anymore. You started doing some charity work for OHOH: Oregon's Harbor of Hope – an institution caring for the homeless people of Portland. When you weren't on the clock in the supermarket, you went out there to help the volunteers. OHOH worked on giving homeless people a safe space, a community, and the essential services they needed to stabilize their lives.

You stumbled across the organization while browsing on the internet on a library computer, and you'd felt the fire in your belly to help them. You wrote down the address on your hand and went to check it out the following day, opening up about your past experiences and about how you thought you could aid OHOH. They took you in, welcomed you with open arms, and you had been one of the main volunteers there for the past three years now. But if anyone had told you that you'd meet the love of your life at one of their fundraisers, you would've never believed them.

OHOH organized fundraisers on every first Friday of the month. They were open for everyone who wanted to come check out the institution and help out – whether that be financially or actual engagement. That's where you met Jessie. Jessie, who also stumbled across the organization while scrolling through her socials. Jessie, who was so eager to help the local community. Jessie, who you bonded with the first time she came around and then she just kept coming. Every first Friday of the month she'd be there, claiming she was just there to help out, but she knew deep down that there was more to it than just helpfulness.

Jessie and you got talking on her first time visiting OHOH. You took it upon yourself to show her around the place, explaining her the ins and outs about the services you offered, Jessie listening to you with care and intent. Before you even realized, you started opening up about yourself to the Canadian. Conversation flowed easily between the two of you and you felt at ease, Jessie not judging you for any of the things you opened up to her about. It was late into the night when you two wrapped up, the only two people still hanging around at the fundraiser. You had an early shift in the supermarket the next day and you already knew you'd curse yourself for staying up late today. Jessie lingered a little while you locked up, and you caught yourself stealing a glance of her every now and then. You said your goodbyes then, parting ways with Jessie's promise that she'd be back next month.

And she was. And then again the next month. Jessie and you had grown closer over her past couple visits. You felt something warm and fuzzy coursing through your body every time you talked to her, a foreign feeling you'd never experienced before and you didn't really know what to do with it. Things with Jessie were easy. It felt like a fresh start, like a blank page ready to be written on. Jessie, on the other hand, cursed herself every time she left the fundraiser without asking for your number. She was in her head about it, thinking she might just be reading in to things, but she couldn't deny her feelings for you anymore. Not when your touch seemed to linger a little bit too long after she pulled you into a hug, not when you memorized the way she drinks her coffee after only making her one once, not when the way you said her name would make her stomach flutter in ways she'd never felt before. So she promised herself that next month, she'd ask for your number. And if you then didn't seem to be on the same page, well then at least she tried.

When next month came around, Jessie found herself trying to make an extra effort to look good on Friday. She usually wasn't really one to be very bothered about her outfits, but she caught herself standing in front of her wardrobe a little too long for what was just a fundraiser she'd been at multiple times. After a quick shower and freshening up a little, she made her way over to Portland's city centre, expertly navigating the roads to a place she'd visited frequently enough to know the way by heart. She noticed you from a little while away, talking to some of the other volunteers by the entrance. You spotted her too, giving her a small wave from across the street, which Jessie readily reciprocated. She scolded herself over how excited she got over the little gesture. She quickly made her way over, greeting everyone before eventually finding herself opposite you. You engulfed her in a hug, the embrace a welcome barrier against the cold Portland wind that nipped at Jessie's skin. "Hey. Thank you for coming," you mumbled against her, slowly pulling back from the hug. "Always."

You went through the motions, as you did every month. Talked to newcomers, caught up with old visitors, gave tours and explanations on what you did at OHOH. Jessie busied herself, talking to people here and there, sharing experiences with the people of Oregon. It was a welcome change for her, being somewhere where nobody really knew who she was. To be taken as herself, as Jess, not so much as Jessie Fleming – the Thorns and Canada midfielder that everyone seemed so eager to get a piece of. That's one of the main reasons she was so fond of you. You didn't know who she was. You hadn't found out yet either, or you were just very good at hiding it. It never came up in conversations, either. The only time Jessie spoke about football was the first time you met each other; when you asked her what her hobbies were. Football. A hobby. If only you knew. Jessie realized that she'd have to tell you at some point, but she liked the calm for now. The comfort.

As the night furthered, you two started gravitating towards each other more and more. From fleeting glances whenever you passed her with a new group to guide around the building, to quick conversations in between catch-ups, to full on spending the last hour of the fundraiser tucked away in a slightly more quiet corner, talking to each other like it was the easiest thing in the world. Neither you could deny the feelings that were starting to build inside you anymore. The fuzzy feeling remained, and now your skin felt tingly whenever Jessie's touch was on you. It excited you, really, but it made you oh so nervous. Scared, even. You'd never felt this way, not in your 24 years of doing life had you ever felt like this about someone. You didn't know what love was. Your mum loved your dad, you could see that, but that got lost in the dysfunctional dynamic of the family. Platonic love isn't something you experienced either throughout your youth, your peers had never been fond of you. You'd gotten used to that, grown accustomed to being alone. Not lonely, though, you didn't mind being alone. But this was different. Jessie made you feel all kinds of things and she made being alone feel like the worst thing in the world. You wanted to be around her, be alongside her, be with her.

You'd noticed a nervous touch in Jessie's behaviors that night. A little more restless than usual, a little more jumpy, much less controlled. Controlled. Jessie was always controlled. Although, that's what she thought. She liked being in control. In control over her thoughts, emotions, her behaviors. But the way she was fiddling with her fingers, the way she kept tapping her feet and how she seemed to stumble over her otherwise so composed words, you knew something was off.

"Are you okay, Jess?" You'd just locked up the building as the fundraiser came to an end, another successful evening wrapped up. You'd been building up the courage to ask her the question all evening, much as she had been trying to build up the courage to ask for your number – unbeknownst to you. You glanced at her over your shoulder when she didn't give you a reply. "Jess?" You raised your voice a little bit, seemingly startling the freckled Canadian. "Hmm?" She cocked her eyebrows, a nervous glint in her eye. You chuckled and made your way over to her, stalling opposite of her. "I asked whether you were okay. You've been a little... off tonight, or something? I don't know. I just wanna make sure, you know." You carefully approached the subject, not knowing if you were just overthinking things or if something was genuinely up.

Jessie cleared her throat. "Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Bit off, I guess," she said distractedly. "You sure?" You decided to pry a little, inching closer towards her, your fingers nearly brushing hers. She chuckled, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips before she met her gaze again. "Yeah, it's fine, I promise. I think- I've just been in my head a bit this evening, I'm fine." A frown painted your face as you listened to her words. "Mhm, okay. You wanna tell me what it is? I hope I didn't do anything to upset you." You wracked your brain trying to think of a moment in the past couple hours that could've possibly upset the Canadian, but you blanked.

"No, no, God, no, it's not that. Please, don't worry about that," Jessie chuckled before continuing, "it's not you. It's me, I swear." You cocked an eyebrow at her. "'It's not you, it's me'? Really, Jess?" You couldn't contain the uneasy feeling that started to grow inside you as the conversation progressed. It seemed like Jessie didn't want to talk about what was bothering her, but she gave you just enough of an insight to keep you on your toes – it was almost annoying you. "No, fuck- I'm making it worse." Jessie rubbed her hands down her face and lifted a hand when she saw you were going to speak again, ordering you to wait. "I've been in my head tonight, yeah. But it's nothing to do with you. Well- in fact, maybe it does. But, not like that. You know? I'm just-" "Jessie Fleming, what are you trying to say? Get it over with."

Jessie took in a deep breath, trying to compose herself, before she opened her eyes and a waterfall of words left her mouth. "Wouldyoumaybewanttogivemeyournumber?" You slightly tilted your head and gave her an amused look, cocking an eyebrow when her gaze fluttered down. "Jess, I couldn't make much of that, I'm sorry." You couldn't help the chuckle that crept up your throat, you'd never seen the Canadian this unsure. "Would you maybe want to give me your number?" Your eyebrows raised in surprise as you took a moment to process her words, but Jessie assumed your silence was your way of denying her request. "I mean, you don't have to, really, I was just asking because- uhm, because, you know, things for the fundraisers and stuff. It's okay, honestly-" You cut Jessie off by a placing a hand on her chest and searching for her gaze that was flicking everywhere but to your face. "Hey, take it easy. Take a breath, okay?" Jessie's eyes were filled with concern but she did as you asked, feeling her chest expanding and deflating a couple times underneath your hand. "I'd love to give you my number."

Safe to say that you and Jessie struggled to find your way with one another. You, not used to romantic love, or love in general, you struggled with accepting Jessie's affection. But in the end, you made compromises, communicated with one another about what worked and what didn't, and you had been in a relationship that you could only describe as perfect for the past 8 months. Jessie and you complimented each other. You fit together. She got you up when you were down, and vice versa. You learned very quickly about her career in football, something that took you completely by surprise when she told you. You adjusted, you compromised, and it worked. You were happier than you'd ever been.

Your first big argument with your Jessie didn't come until December, near Christmas time. Jessie insisted that you came with her back to Canada to celebrate the holidays with her and her family, but you insisted on staying home. You didn't want to be a bother, and as much as your girlfriend had tried to convince you that you wouldn't be, the thought remained firmly planted at the forefront of your mind – whatever Jessie did, not helping to get rid of it.

You'd told Jessie about your upbringing. How it hadn't been the best, how you'd missed out on all the traditional things. You never went into much detail, not wanting to relive your past, preferably living in the now, but Jessie knew. That's the reason why she always treaded very carefully when approaching the subject, not wanting to pry or ask too much leading to you closing yourself off. It wasn't until after one particularly rough night with your girlfriend – the both of you spending the best part of 30 minutes fighting about the whole ordeal – that you thought it was best to just get it over with and tell Jessie why you were so reluctant.

You told her about how you spent most Christmases at home. No Christmas tree or Christmas lights because they would cost too much, no Christmas films because renting one was way out of the budget, never any fancy meals as the holidays were just another period of trying to survive off stale bread and canned vegetables. You told her how you'd felt jealous in school, embarrassed even, your peers gushing about the presents they received or the family dinners they went to, while you had nothing to bring to the conversation. Not that they wanted you to be part of it, anyway. You explained to Jessie that you just didn't know how to celebrate Christmas, and that you didn't want to be a burden to your family and to herself. You didn't know how to replace those feelings of resentment with new ones, forever feeling guilty at how much better you had it now than then.

The Canadian assured you that she understood, but she also saw an opportunity that she was ready to take with both hands. She tried convincing you one more time to come with her, how she would make sure to take care of you and be gentle with introducing you to all the Christmas traditions. That you didn't have to worry about her family, who always seemed to think 'the more, the merrier' when it came to these types of days. You'd met them before, twice, when you accompanied Jessie on her occasional weekend going back home, and you knew they liked you. It wasn't that that you were worried about, it was more so that you just didn't know how to act during these types of days. What do you do? Say? What do you wear? Should you get something nice or do they prefer you to just wear something cozy? How do you behave? What presents do they want? Many questions and so very little answers.

Eventually, after some more raised voices and a lot of frustration, you agreed. Agreed on accompanying your girlfriend to Canada, the prospect of being with her and her family much more enticing than having to be on your own in your shared apartment for 3 weeks. When you finally, albeit reluctantly agreed, Jessie couldn't wipe the grin off her face even if she tried. She gently cupped your cheeks and leant her forehead against yours, pressing a soft kiss against your nose. "I promise it'll be good. It'll be so much fun and we'll take everything slow. Your pace, hmm?" She pressed a couple more kisses against your nose, before leaning down and pressing a gentle, fleeting kiss against your lips. You exhaled deeply and closed your eyes, leaning your forehead on her shoulder. "Yeah," you sighed, "yeah. We'll be fine. It'll be fun." Jessie sensed the hesitance in your voice, and promised herself then and there that she'd do everything in her power to make the holidays a fun time for you.

Traveling to Ontario wasn't that bad. No delays, no abundance of traffic, no problems with baggage, your 3-week getaway had gotten off to a perfect start and it did wonders to relieve you from some of the stress you'd been dealing with the past couple weeks leading up to this trip. Jessie and you had hired a car to drive yourself from the airport to her childhood home. You could've taken a cab, but figured it would be easy to have an extra car at home for if you wanted to go somewhere, just the two of you. You'd been in London before, but Jessie was adamant to reintroduce you to all the spots she'd shown you around before, insisting that it would be a completely different vibe now that everything was decorated for Christmas. The drive went smoothly, your plane arriving a little past 8 meaning you just about dodged the flurry of evening traffic. Your eyelids were growing heavy in the car, exhausted from the long plane journey, and with the low hum of the engine and Jessie's fingers tracing soft patterns on your thigh, it didn't take long for you to doze off against the car window.

You didn't wake until a few hours later, when Jessie put a hand on your shoulder and lightly shook you to try and wake you from what had seemed quite a deep sleep. "We're here baby, wake up," she whispered, putting a couple strands of hair behind your ear that had fallen across your face. You grunted, eyes still closed but you stretched, sitting up straight and leaning into Jessie's touch. "Tired," you grumbled. "I know, baby, it's late. We can sleep when we're inside, yeah?" You opened your eyes and looked at your girlfriend, who was sporting a small smile on her face. "You're cute when you snore." She gave you a small wink and pressed a kiss on your nose, unbuckling your seatbelt and leaning across you to open your door. Any protests that were forming in your head about how you were not a snorer died in your throat as you felt the cold wind coming from outside nipping at your skin. You hurried outside, any propositions to help your girlfriend with the bags waved away as she carried all three of them comfortably to the front door. You rang the bell, not allowed any time to complain about the weather as it took no longer than a couple seconds for Jessie's mum to open the door.

Michaele sported a beaming smile and her eyes were brimming with unshed tears as she pulled her daughter in a heartfelt embrace. It'd been a while since they saw each other. Jessie opted to stay in Portland after her domestic season had ended, the environment motivating her more to stick to her training plans than if she'd gone home early. She also still had a couple Canada camps to attend to, so she needed to stay on top of her fitness if she wanted to perform. It'd been close to 4 months since she'd been home, and you could tell that it had been weighing on her. Jessie had always been very family-oriented, so her excitement to come back home for the holidays was second to none. Especially since she managed to convince you to come too.

Ever since Jessie introduced you to her family, they took you in as part of the family. Her parents never questioned anything, loved you as one of their own and you managed to bond quite well with Tristan and Elysse. You truly felt at home with the Fleming's, a feeling you never managed to experience within your own family. It lead to a lot of uncomfortable feelings at first, when you realized that you felt more comfortable with strangers than with your own mother, but Jessie reassured you that it was okay. That it was okay to feel those things, to be upset, but that you'd never have to worry about experiencing such love ever again. She'd make sure of that.

Safe to say that Jessie kept her promise of making sure the holidays went by smoothly for the two of you. Your first week in Ontario went by quickly, the two of you re-exploring the city in which Jessie had grown up so many years ago. You visited coffee spots, strolled around her elementary school, went for dinner at her favorite burger restaurant and spent a lot of time with her family. Game nights, movie nights, going out for walks together, you name it. Jessie's family dynamic was so different to what yours had been, it was a breath of fresh air. It was healthy.

Your getaway went by quick and before you knew it, you were reaching the final week of the year. You woke up on Christmas morning with a weird feeling in your stomach. You knew everything would be fine – Jessie assured you it would, but you couldn't help the nerves that were settling in your stomach the moment you stirred from your sleep. You'd bought everyone a present, it wasn't much, but you hoped it would suffice. You didn't want to come empty handed, especially not when Jessie's family let you stay with them for the best part of a month. The feeling of being an intruder in their house had long faded, a heartfelt conversation with Jessie's mother aiding to you feeling at home within their house.

Your girlfriend must've sensed your restlessness that morning and woke up not long after you, pulling you down in a warm cuddle before agreeing to get up together. You made your way downstairs and were pleasantly surprised to see you were the first ones up. Jessie made you and her a steaming warm mug of coffee, before cuddling up with each other on the couch. You looked out across the garden, snow wrapping the town in an icy blanket of cold.

"You wanna make cookies?" Jessie's voice pulled you out of your thoughts. "Cookies?" You weren't opposed to the idea. It was nice to be alone for a moment, doing something together – just the two of you. "Yeah, cookies. I can't say it's a tradition, we don't do it every year, but sometimes my mum makes these Christmas cookies. Her own recipe. They're really good." Jessie raked her fingers through your long strands of hair from her position behind you on the couch, your back resting tight against her front. You craned your neck towards her. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

You and Jessie got to work in the kitchen, combining your forces to try and make sure the cookies would be as good as when Michaele would make them. You followed the recipe step by step, measuring and mixing the ingredients that would soon come together in small, bite-size, Christmas sugar cookies. It made you feel at ease, to have a little moment with just Jessie, before the prospect of what would surely be a busy day. Just the two of you, cuddling up to each other in the kitchen while making something that reminded Jessie of her childhood. It felt good, it felt right, it felt like home. A minute or 20 later, you put the cookies in the oven. 18 of them, 3 each.

Elysse and Tristan had already made their way downstairs, with Jessie's parents following suit only a couple minutes later. You all made some small talk, Jessie now also providing coffee for the rest of her family members. Before long, you all gathered in the living room where the presents would be given out.

"We've got the stockings first, as always," Michaele announced. She opened a bag that was sitting near the edge of the sofa and started giving them round, everyone receiving a stocking with the letter of their first name. What you didn't expect, though, was you to get one yourself. So when everyone had gotten their stocking and Michaele reached back into the bag to get one for you, it was hard to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat. Jessie noticed this, placing a comforting hand on the small of your back as you thanked and hugged her mom. You'd never felt more loved, more part of something than in that moment. You were part of their family, part of their home and everyone wanted to make sure you knew that.

The rest of the day went by so much better than you could've imagined. The Christmas cookies turned out perfect, some more family members came over for lunch, you went out for an afternoon stroll and then you all watched a Christmas movie on the sofa together late at night. You were feeling apprehensive about many things before you both took off to Oregon, but it's safe to say that Jessie kept her promise of trying to turn Christmas into something joyous for you.

Ever since that year, you hadn't missed a holiday season with the Flemings ever again. And you wouldn't want to have it differently anyway. Because after all, they were your family.

[flametrashiraarchive]

Being a kakushi helping out in a lot of Kyo's missions, basically a friend already... Having a big fat crush on Shinjuro. Celebrating a hard successful mission and you let it slip in a drunken haze, within earshot of Shinjuro - and then well ✨👀 Shinjuro is kinda lonely ya know... And he supposes he might want another kid ya know...

- Beer anon 🍻

Hellooooo so I got carried away again lol. Shinjuro just makes me feel some kind of way and I can't be brief about him. I hope you don't mind but I left out the wanting a kid part but the horniness is all here!

Also this is canon-divergent. Everyone is alive at the end lol (even Muzan... he's just living on a farm with me and Douma... jk... unless....)

NSFW under the cut. CW for drinking alcohol.

Dancing with the Flame

Shinjuro couldn't believe his own ears. For one, his son Kyojuro was drunk on shōchū (a very rare occurrence) which made him extremely giggly (less rare). And two, you were talking to his son about him.

"I want him, Kyojuro," you repeated, with giddy sincerity.

Perhaps he hadn't heard you correctly. The celebration was loud since Tengen was setting off fireworks like they cost nothing. It seemed the entire demon slayer corps had gathered to celebrate the defeat of the demon king: pillars, rank and file slayers, kakushi, medics, swordsmiths… the air was crackling with hope and excitement. So, he must have heard wrong, he told himself. There had to be some other explanation.

"Kyojurooo, I mean it. Your dad is so damn hot. Let me be your stepmother."

All his son could do was laugh, his face a deep pink shade.

"He's just so... burly... and... ugh, you know? Please invite him over so I can-."

"I am NOT enabling you to seduce my father!"

"Kyoooojuroooo!"

There was no denying it and it shouldn't have felt as good as it did. He'd met you on a few occasions and he'd remembered your name. You seemed to be a good friend to Kyojuro, and a capable member of his team.

But Ruka had been gone for over a decade, and since her death, Shinjuro hadn't even so much as looked at another woman. But with the demon threat eliminated once and for all, you weren't wearing your face covering, and he really saw you for the first time.

And no, noticing how pretty your eyes and your smile were didn't count. Nor did respectfully noticing the way your Kakushi uniform fit your figure nicely. Or...

His eyes widened.

Oh gods, that absolutely counted, didn't it?

"Come on... You love your little brother... I could give you more little brothers. Dozens of them. Please just one chance, Kyo-."

When Shinjuro finally chanced a glance in your direction, Kyojuro had one hand firmly clamped over your mouth while he raised his shōchū cup to his lips with the other.

A rare smile pulled at the corner of Shinjuro's lips. Being wanted felt good.

Before he had chance to talk himself out of it, he began to walk over to your table. He'd had a few to drink too and the was alcohol bolstering his confidence.

Your startled eyes as Shinjuro approached, and the way you tried to discreetly nudge Kyojuro to alert him... you were so sweet, so funny.

"Father!" Kyojuro greeted him effusively, finally removing his hand from your mouth. "I'm so happy you joined the celebration."

"Of course," Shinjuro said, sitting at an empty spot at the table. "My eldest son helped defeat Muzan. How could I miss it?"

Kyojuro beamed at him, and Shinjuro's heart swelled with pride. He hadn't always been the father his boys deserved, but he was working toward being a better man, and repairing the damage he had done.

But your eyes were fixed on Shinjuro too, and he could feel the heat of your gaze.

"Good evening to you too," he said.

Your cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. "Good evening, Lord Rengoku."

"Shinjuro," he corrected. "Please."

Gods, your eyes were even prettier up close.

He hadn't tried to flirt with anyone for over two decades. It was a strange sort of feeling, and truth be told, though he'd faced countless demons without feeling the slightest bit nervous, this was a different beast entirely.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked, hoping you didn't hear the waver in his voice.

Your eyes widened at the question... so did Kyojuro's. The boy raised his eyebrows and quickly walked away, leaving you and Shinjuro alone.

Gods, he wasn't prepared for that.

But then you smiled and took his hand, and Shinjuro's heart quickened. Together you walked to the center of the party, where couples were gathered, dancing to the music.

He had no idea what his next move was, but you took care of that. Once you reached the dancing couples you kept walking...

"Wait... where are we going?" He asked.

"To dance." You looked up at him with those pretty eyes and gave him a slanted smile. Wherever you were leading him he couldn't resist following.

He knew the layout of the headquarters well enough to quickly figure it out, and he soon found himself treading a familiar path to the training ground and toward the equipment shed.

His heart began to pound as anticipation coiled in his belly. His breaths became heavier and less satisfying the closer you got to the shed. Your intentions were clear.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked, well aware of his higher status, his larger body, his strength, even though it was abundantly clear that you were in charge.

You led him around the back of the structure, where the moonlight pooled and he could see your hands reaching beneath your kimono and pulling down your underwear. "I'm sure, Lord Ren- Shinjuro... I want you."

"Mmh..." he tried to bite back his groan, but it broke free anyway. It had been so long since he was intimate with anyone, let alone someone new. But Gods, he wanted it. "I want you too. But... it's been a while. You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little sloppy."

You chuckled, pulling at the neckline of his kimono. "I don't care, Shinjuro, give me sloppy."

That was all he needed. He pressed his body to yours, pinning you to the wall of the equipment shed as he kissed you.

His desire, which he had long thought dwindled to ash, ignited at the touch of your lips. He kissed you deeply, his tongue stroking yours, his hands splayed across your jaw. And you were so damned eager, sucking his lower lip and tangling your fingers in his hair, sending tingling bolts of pleasure through his body. He was hard in seconds, his touch-starved body demanding more.

But before he would allow that, he was going to make you cum. Shinjuro wasn't some impatient young buck willing to rut against you for a few minutes until his aching cock was satisfied. He was going to take his damn time and make sure you both got the most out of this.

The former flame hashira got to his knees, lifting the bottom of your kimono and trailing kisses up your thighs. His big, rough hands slid from your ankles to your knees, keeping your legs together.

Your sighs of pleasure and your impatient little whimpers made his cock twitch.

"Shinjuro..."

"Patience," he whispered against the soft skin of your inner thighs. "Don't worry, I'll get you there."

The heat coming off you was intoxicating. You angled your hips toward him; so damn needy and ready. Your clit was already swollen and glistening with your arousal, and that he could not hold back from. He leaned forward, sliding his tongue over your flesh, groaning at the taste of you.

A cry escaped your lips as his tongue lapped at your clit. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, keeping them together and holding you upright as your legs trembled.

"Gods... Shinjuro..."

The desperation in your voice and the taste of your cunt made his cock throb, but as badly as he wanted to fuck you, he wouldn't let that happen until he made you cum. He licked you slowly at first, savoring the taste, drawing out your pleasure, until he felt you bearing down on his tongue, silently begging for more.

He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, flicking his tongue over it as you whined and tugged at his hair.

"M-more..." you whispered. "Don't stop. Don't..."

You needn't worry. There was nothing he wanted more than your complete and absolute ecstasy. He sucked and licked at your clit like it sustained him, driving you higher and higher until you cried out, almost collapsing onto him as you pulsed and quivered on his tongue. And when your orgasm subsided, he kissed it like a lover, his cock weeping tears of pre-cum, so desperate to bury himself in the wet heat of you.

"Shinjuro, please fuck me," you begged, putting your hand beneath his chin and tiling his head to face you. You were so goddamn beautiful in the moonlight. His heart was aching almost as much as his cock.

He wasn't about to deny your request. He stood up and kissed you again, melting at the soft caress of your lips as you tugged impatiently at his clothing, hitching your thigh onto his hip, coating the head of his cock in your slick nectar.

A deep, desperate groan rolled through him as your tongue slid against his, tasting yourself and moaning softly. No, there was no holding back now. He was going to fuck you. He had to fuck you.

A moment later he had you hoisted up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he pinned you to the side of the shed and slid his cock into you. The way your mouth fell open at the sensation of him filling you, the way your pussy clenched around him; it was heaven.

"Mm… Is it good?" he whispered, seeking your praise. "Am I making you feel good?"

"Yes!" You cried out in answer, raking your fingernails across his back.

"This is what you wanted, isn't it? Hm?" he growled against your ear. "You were imagining my cock deep inside your pretty cunt, weren't you?"

You nod, and a grin spreads across his face.

Tengen was still shooting off his damn fireworks, but in the silence between each shriek and explosion the night was filled with your gasping breath, your moans, the sound of flesh on flesh as he fucked you hard. You pulled aside the collar of his kimono and kissed his neck, sending sparks of pleasure through his veins.

"Mmh... Gods, I need... oh..." he was incoherent, lost in the sensation of you. His brow furrowed as he focused on his breathing, drawing from his hashira training to regain control. "Are you going to cum for me... one more time?"

"I'm close..."

"Good. Let me feel it. I wanna feel you cum all over my cock, pretty girl." He thrust into you harder, faster, letting his passion take over.

And then you cried out, your pussy pulsing around him as your lips crashed against his. "Shinjuro..."

"That's it," he whispered in your ear. Each throb of your muscles brought him closer and closer. "Oh Gods, yes, you feel so good. So good..." His teeth clenched as his own peak neared. "I'm..."

He pulled out with the intention of spilling his seed onto the ground, but a moment later you were on your knees, your lips around the tip of his cock, licking and sucking as you tugged his aching balls.

"Fuck!" He growled, his hand coming down to grip the back of your head as he came with a grunt. He had to brace himself against the shed to keep from collapsing as you swallowed down his load. "Ohhh.... fffffuck... pretty girl, that's it. Gods... that's it."

It had been so long, so damn long. So many years of denying himself, of thinking misery was the only thing he had left. But you... you made him feel good. Even if just for that moment, you made him feel like the man he thought he'd lost.

You smiled up at him as he tried to get his breath back, still bracing himself against the shed.

"You're something else," he chuckled as you grinned pressed your teeth to your bottom lip. "Something wonderful." He took your hand and helped you to your feet, pressing a kiss to each knuckle. "Thank you."

You balanced on the tips of your toes as you kissed him softly and slowly, your hand resting at the center of his chest. When he pulled back his heart was thundering, because he knew that while this was your first dance, it was by no means the last.

[fourteentrout]

"The Beholder" Azris Oneshot

Pairing: Azriel/Eris Vanserra

Word Count: 36,304

AO3 link

Description: Azriel and Eris both think the other is beyond gorgeous. The pinnacle of walking, talking perfection, the most attractive faerie to grace Prythian with their presence. After all, they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The only problem is, they spend too much time hating each other to actually do anything about it.

Hello hello Azris nation, guess who just posted his ridiculously long Azris slowburn oneshot that's literally just about how hot Azriel and Eris think the other is?

It's me, and I have the AO3 link and a preview here for your perusal! The fic does venture into some mature territory and does contain eventual smut, but I wasn't really sure what to rate it, so just consider this your warning. You can check it out using the link above or read the preview below!

It was almost ironic, Azriel thought, how easily he fell. Not in love, really. But something close to it. A winged beast somehow prone to tripping into endless depths of desires that could never be fulfilled. He was a spymaster and a torturer, and yet the minute he became fixated on someone, it became this prolonged, festering thing. Like a wound that refused to heal. He was forged to withstand the brutality of war, condemned to thrive in darkness, a being of sharp blades and black shadows. Yet the moment he grew attracted to someone, he felt like it was a physical, ever-burning brand that could be seen by all. A bright beacon of obvious weakness.

He loved his family, of course. He loved Mor in a different way for a very long time. He still wasn't entirely sure where she stood in his heart. But love was something that formed in him over the course of years, centuries. He was not worried about love. It was a diamond at his center, unbreakable, coated in layers upon layers of impenetrable steel. He no longer heard echoes of that incessant mantra pounded into his head for the first eleven years of his life. You are not worthy of having anything to love. 

Now, his love was a well-guarded choice. A distinct investment he made into those he cared about the most. It was simple, and strong, and he had forty nine years of throwing himself against Rhysand's protective wall of magic to prove it. He had hundreds of years of stepping back into the shadows while Mor invited strangers to her bed to prove it. She was…confusing, in that way. But his love for her was not. 

So no, he did not worry about love. This wasn't about love. It was about attraction. Infatuation, being enamored, having desire. A certain kind that went beyond his basic instincts to get carnal relief. 

That was the true weakness, what he felt was on display for everyone to see. That's what he always fell so easily into, wings ablaze the whole way down. The feeling of finding a missing piece of his soul, and the need to make it his own again. Yes, love could come of it. In theory. He supposed that's what happened with Mor. He first desired her like she was a part of himself that he'd lost, or that had been ripped away from him. Then she became one of the few people he allowed himself to love, and he fell into it as gracelessly as he fell into his initial infatuation with her. But his love and desire for her were often inseparable, a blurred mess of too-bright colors that didn't quite fit in with his shadowed life. His love kept him tethered to her, even when she pulled further and further away, even when his desire was almost completely obscured by mere obsession. 

He didn't know how to love anyone else for a very long time after that. 

And then along came Elain Archeron, emerging from her cocoon of bleak listlessness bit by bit every day. Every once in a while, in her fleeting moments of presence, he felt that spark of aching want, of all consuming need. It was small, but it was there. The glimmer of hope that perhaps Mor was not the end for him. That maybe one day he could love someone else the same way. But Elain was still so new to being Fae, still so lost to a world that she had never meant to be thrust into, like a flower waiting for the right time to bloom. So as soon as his hope flickered to life when he felt that desire, it was smothered until there was nothing left but bitter, sinking shame.  

It wasn't as if he'd ever deserve her love in return, anyway. Not from someone so pure as Elain, her skin kissed by dew drops, her fawn-soft eyes seeming to beg for safety. He would never give her what she needed, and she would never give him what he deserved. Not when she couldn't know him, what he was, what he did. She was too pliant, too bendable, and he suspected that she had too much love in her soul for him to take on. But it was never about what he could get in return. It was just always nice, in those fleeting moments of hope, to think that one day he could give that love to someone other than the female who'd been denying it for five hundred years. 

But love was easy to put aside when he was hit with these waves of incessant need. White-hot desire that left him feeling unstable and empty. Something much more urgent than just an itch in need of scratching, but something much less committed and unbreakable than love. With love, he just wanted someone to be there to accept it. With desire, he wanted to take. There was a certain lack of control over it that he particularly despised. Not just the fact that he always felt completely and utterly seen when it happened, but that he couldn't do anything about it...or who it happened with. 

It felt like a cruel trick when he felt that simmering fire of attraction burn along his veins at the meeting of the High Lords, of all places. 

Because who would ever want to desire the person they hated most?

[linafinsterwald192]

This Soyuz-Apollo romance has me in shambles. SHAMBLES. It all starts with Sergei challenging Margo with the whole "No, that's not astronaut 3 and 4, that is cosmonaut 1 and 2." and "I suggest Soyuz-Apollo. For convenience." and "Soyuz will be the active part." He's such a cunt with it but he is also right. He needs to be doing this because otherwise, the Russian involvement in it will always just be an accessory. An afterthought. Also frankly I think it was funny for him to be a little shit. I hope it was funny to Sergei too.

Margo had absolutely no say in falling for him. But I also think that she puts an incredible amount of love into the people around her. Purposefully. She let Wernher close to her, and made herself vulnerable by asking how much he knew, and I think she was trying to find something that negates all the harm Wernher has done. Something that excuses his actions even a little bit. One can see how much she cares about basically everyone who is up in space at any point. She is so hopeful and scared when things go wrong. She made herself incredibly vulnerable with Aleida. She met up with her several times, knowing she needed it. Needed Margo as a parental figure in her life. She asked her to join NASA, knowing it was a risk, knowing that Aleida might slam the door into her face and hope it breaks her nose. Knowing Aleida might fuck it up big time and ruin Margo's reputation as she vouched for her. And Margo kept at it, until Aleida could stand on her own two feet. Despite how often she got hurt, she always keeps loving. Despite the constant paranoia and hatred towards Russia/Russians from the people around her, Margo and Sergei bantered over Apollo-Soyuz vs Soyuz-Apollo after Margo invited him to one of the places she never shows someone else. One of the sides she hides from everyone around her because that's HER space. it's her. Despite the revelations about Wernher, she trusts that Sergei won't be like him, even though it could very well be plausible for Sergei to have dark secrets as well.

She is so silly when she is with Sergei at first. She allows herself to just relax and be silly when she has to constantly be so fucking serious. The little paper ships docking. Them being stuck in the handshake tube thing. Margo never lets people get physically close to her like this. She isn't uncomfy. She is very comfy in there, despite being stuck and being super close to Sergei, despite Sergei clearly finding this amazing and hilarious, and MISSING THE COIN FLIP- Margo pushes him away because she has to. She doesn't want to push him away. She is MAD when he talks about work after they made out. Margo "I am always professional and this is not a place for feelings" Madison is livid this is interfering with literally anything - and livid that anyone would threaten Sergei like this.

She cares about him so much. She promises to keep him AND his family safe and it's clear she will do everything to achieve it. She doesn't shove him away going "this is fucking dangerous and I'm not risking everything I am and have for you". She goes "I'll get you and your family out of here." She KNOWS this might be the worst heartbreak she will ever go through. She KNOWS she might end up being tortured or killed or being seen as a traitor, a coward, a defector - And she does it anyway. She didn't stumble into any of this. She fucking ran praying to be fast enough.

That scene of her screaming into the pillow? fucking gold star. What I love so fucking much about this romance is that it's not a "it's too dnagerous to love me" shtick. it's "well FUCK. well FUCK. i love you and i can't do anything about it. so what do we do? how do we keep everyone safe, and be together? and be together.

It hurt her so much to constantly dismiss Aleida's efforts of finding out who gave away the engine design. And it scared her because she knows Aleida doesn't give up. And that is such a good thing.

Margo for sure wanted to run away with Sergei. But she couldn't promise him anything. And then, she didn't get to. She never got to say "I'll run with you." she never got to say "I love you." But everything she did conveyed just that. Everything she did was such a pure form of admiration, dedication, love, vulnerability, fear-

She was READY to rip Irina into pieces. She was. all she could say was "You knew him for years!" She couldn't SAY "I loved him and you know that." She couldn't SAY "he was always in a good mood, always happy, always loving, always caring, he was the best of the best, he was selfless and gorgeous and amazing" - she could only appeal to Sergei's supposed loyalty to the Russians. That was all the leverage she had. I WISH we knew what Irina thought in this moment. How much she knew. If she knew after Margo crying CRYING in a full room of silent people, in front of IRINA, maybe being aware that this might reveal her love for Sergei- And it hurt her so much that Aleida got pulled into this. Aleida was right, it had to be her typing the code. And it broke Margo that there was nothing she could do against it. Only for her to take the blame. Irina was in that room. Eli was there. Aleida was there.

Margo knew Sergei would be SO PROUD and SO PISSED if he had the chance of learning about this. Margo was stripped of the last tidbits of her honor, she was stripped of her diplomatic immunity - for all she knows, she could be kidnapped by the KGB and tortured for however long her body holds up. Especially if Irina pieced it together somewhere along the way. And she still went for it. And she let Aleida hug her in front of everyone because she knew that this was more important than the shit Aleida could catch for it. AND AFTER THIS. AFTER HER FEELINGS HAVE BROUGHT HER SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN AND MISERY, AFTER SERGEI ESSENTIALLY GOT KILLED FOR HAVING FEELINGS AND BEING IN LOVE, she says that feelings are a good thing. "Your honor, I was always told we shouldn't let personal feelings cloud our search for the truth. I don't think that's right. Feelings might not always be convenient," WELL . YOUR FEELINGS CERTAINLY WERE NEVER CONVENIENT- GOD- FUCK- THIS WOMAN. "they may even slow our progress, but they are also the only way to truly begin to understand the world around us. And the new worlds that await us." She EMBRACES it all. She might be in American prison from the sounds of it but this absolute powerhouse is looking forward to new worlds. She embraces that she felt all these feeings. She once thought she was like WERNHER VON BRAUN because of things she did. LIKE WERNHER VON FUCKING BRAUN- and now she is like "I did that." Also frankly I think she feels a little proud of herself when she gets escorted out of the mission control room. She does look a little smug, right? So anyway I will be reading all Margo Sergei fics I can find and post a thousand posts about them and I think Apollo-Soyuz should be a synonym for top Margo bottom Sergei and the other way around and I will now continue to scream into the void. thank you for your understanding. thank you for coming by on such notice.

[thesugarglumfairy]

never the artist, never the muse

lately i've been wanting to vent, mostly because the universe has found a way to make my life a perfect hell: too unfortunate to be ideal, not pitiful enough to complain about. recently, i've felt like my social life has always been one big mess: usually, i spend a couple years with one friend group, but eventually move onto another. and for the longest time i've felt that's normal, friendships come and go, nothing too special. but even when i was in grade 9 and 10, i could sense something was off with the friend group i had then. i always felt like the charity case - i was just the other girl, the one everyone considers a friend but never a best friend. two girls i thought i was particularly close with, but one i could definitely sense something was off. there'd be little times when she'd ignore me, especially when we began dirfting away, and nowadays she rarely acknowledges my existence. it stings, because i know the both of them were closer with each other than either were to me. i've always yearned for the archetype of a girl's friendship, the trust and the nights out, secrets and stories that you know not everyone gets to hear.

i know i'm not entitled to that, obviously not. but i've always tried my best to be the best friend i could be - i'm the smart one, i'll help you with studying, or work, and i'll gladly lend you money even though i don't have much to my own name. i'll hear all your complaints about your shitty day, or your shitty classes, or your shitty job. i try, i swear i try, but it's never been enough. and it doesn't seem like it ever will be enough.

but i don't think i've been able to accept that. after that friend group fizzled away, i reunited with an old friend group. through a mutual friend, i met another girl, and we became best friends (or so i like to think). and we really got along - i was the first person she invited to her house because she wanted to do my hair, her dad likes me (which is apparently quite the feat), and apparently i'm the only person to earn her trust in less than a year. but recently, we've been drifting away too. there's another girl we became friends with, and it's happening all over again - we started as a trio, then they became close, and now i don't even sit with them at lunch, after a while of just sitting beside them hoping my company would be missed if i left. i try not to hold any rancor towards the girl we became friends with - she was friendly with her beforehand, they already have some history - but a while ago we went on a school trip, and i swear she is really bad at hiding how she feels about me. purposefully ignoring me, leaving me behind, the works. maybe it was on purpose, and i'm too stupid to take the hint, or too hopeful to try and think this could work. and now the original girl i became friends with really only talks to me when it's convenient. anytime we don't talk about schoolwork or grades, it's because i make the attempt. we just had our finals, and i took one early because i wouldn't be there the day of. she (and i won't solely blame her, pretty much everyone was asking) basically asked for the answers, which i didn't give. but i offered to help her with the study guide, and she declined that. but what else am i supposed to do?

and now here i am, made out to be the idiot, but really i'm just confused. after she met me her grade-wide academic rank climbed up. that definitely isn't a coincidence. i stayed up with her until two in the morning while we were on a school trip to help her with some issues she was having with some other girl. i helped her with classwork and homework, she said so herself that i'm a good tutor. and all i ask is that i'm not thrown away the moment someone else comes along. but that's already happening, and i can't do anything to stop it. and i know it's not the best for me, or anyone, but i almost feel some sort of resentment - if i had known this was how things were going to end, would i do it all the same? sometimes in my head i just feel like i hate them - for leaving me, for treating me like some naive kid that god forbid hears anything serious. i'm not some stupid little girl that can't understand the concept of a secret. but sometimes it seems they'll think whatever is convenient for them. she's smart when you need someone to copy notes off of, and an idiot if you ever need someone to talk to.

now i've reunited with another friend, but i don't think this will last either. right now, i can consider her a best friend, but i know she probably doesn't feel the same about me. i can do everything right, offer everything i can, be the sweetest, most supportive girl in the world and that will never make someone stay. what am i supposed to do?

i am only ever the pitiful creature, never the artist, never the muse.

[drippingmoon]

Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k 

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me. 

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots. 

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly. 

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

[ferretseal]

I wanted to write some character stuff and first it was Holly, but then two other Avatar characters basically screamed for my attention!

T'kali and Aìklua!

(here's pictures of them if anyone doesn't know who they are. I'll give some background for them both here too. They were drawn by @buzzkillchainsaw )

Everything else is under the cut because I don't want to force people to scroll through my ramblings!

So! First context!

These kiddos are part of a reef clan that's not the Metkayina. I don't really have a name for the clan but really that's not super important rn. Also they're both actually adults but they're my OCS so I just call them kiddos lol.

Aìklua is the middle son, and has three older siblings and two younger ones. He was born with a deformed tail, so he can't use it to swim. This caused him some trouble and eventually his father was going to allow him to be excluded from some rites but still get his tattoos. But Aìklua wants to earn them like everyone else, but it's a matter of convincing his father that he can. So that means he's the only adult in the clan who's in a child like "rank" and missing his tattoos. In recent times he's come to accept this, even though he's still pretty agitated about it. He's rather grumpy, and maybe bitter. He's resigned himself to basically being the babysitter for the little kids because he rarely has anything else to do other than making another net.

Then we have T'kali. She's a wonderful crafter and specializes in clothing and jewelry. She can probably make anything from whatever you bring her. She's pretty sassy though, a little full of herself because she's beautiful and she knows it, as well as popular. You know the rich blonde in highschool who has a giant group of friends and everyone at least knows about her? Yea T'kali is kinda like that, except she's not exactly a bully. She mainly deals in backhanded compliments, or gentle humbling, but will make anyone clothes or do their hair to make them feel pretty.

Anyway they're dating now! T'kali actually enjoys hanging out with Aìklua and can gossip with him because people will naturally give her all the tea, and he kinda fades to the background so he just hears all the drama that goes on. And Aìklua enjoys having company that's not his siblings or 10 year olds, and if that means he becomes a mannequin for a few hours he won't argue. For a while he actually didn't believe that T'kali actually wanted to talk to him, thought that she just was in it for the gossip or simply was bored, but she just kept coming around, and even invited him to help her collect shells or seagrass in the shallows and tide pools, where swimming won't be a problem, but every now and then the two sneak off into the open ocean and to a small island. Aìklua just doesn't really like using his prosthetic tail all the time because it's heavy and kinda loud and clunky, and overall isn't really comfortable to wear anywhere other than under water, but it being wood it is kinda buoyant so he still struggles with direction.

T'kali could definitely do better but honestly she just likes how Aìklua is. He's more honest, and kinda deadpan, and despite his problems he still has a unique connection to the sea. He can't explore it like he should, yet he still dives in head first. And Aìklua likes how T'kali treats him like an equal, like he's on par with her and not below her.

They're like polar opposites but in a good way I'm hoping.

[shiraishi--kanade]

An aspect of Saki's character that interests me as a disabled person who, admittedly, only keeps up with Leo/need at a very surface level (not for the lack of interest but because if I tried to be invested in 4 more characters my head would explode): a) how did she and the rest of the girls meet b) how did they manage to keep their friendship alive considering Saki's prolonged hospital stays.

I think there's... A weird kind of isolation that being chronically ill from a young age brings into your life.

You see, I was never a popular kid in class, okay? Very obviously neurodivergent, absolutely socially clueless, and frankly a bit of a stuck-up asshole in the way straight A's kids in elementary school tend to be. Even so, I had a couple of friends. The ride or die friends for a elementary student, which usually amounted to stuff like going home together and the like.

Until the second grade, that is. Which is when I got sick for the first time, had to spend half a year in quarantine, and acquired a heart condition that would later lead to my lifelong disability.

I'm not about to say my friends abandoned me immediately when I returned to school because that would be untrue. As a child, you're really struggling with the concept of invisible disability, I think. As hard as is was for me to accept I'll just Be Like This, for my friends it was basically non-existant.

But there was a difference. One of the best runners in the entire school suddenly no longer able to run. Constantly dizzy. Constant headaches. Missing school. Having to tap out of activities early. Adults interfering with your plans and fussing more than normal. All of the things elementary aged kids took Very Seriously and I was suddenly not able to participate in most of them, while my injury remained absolutely invisible to everyone else.

I don't think they ever ditched me outright. Nobody told me they didn't want to hang out anymore. I don't think anyone does it that way; it's mostly just slow, painful realisation that people invite you out less and less, until it's not at all. Gradual isolation.

Also, even if you're feeling fine about doing stuff, there's a non-zero chance the adults around you wouldn't. I was not allowed to participate in PE anymore. I still had to be there for the headcount, though, so with that done I'd just sit there on the bench for an entire period. You know, like a loser. Which isn't a good first impression make when you join a new class.

I was, and still am, very frail. This fact was made very loud and obvious by the adults around me, to their credit, in my best interests (or so I hope). You know what happens when kids get told "hey, this thing is very frail - if you touch it they wrong way it'll break and you'll have Consequences"? They will either avoid the thing in question with all the power they have at the fear of accidentally breaking it, or smash it head on to see what happens. Neither of these were pleasant to deal with.

Which is to say: loud announcements that you're disabled whether or not you want to disclose that because the homeroom teacher decided to make you a good example during the "how to treat people different than you nicely" morning assembly is not a good friend maker either. Even well-meaning ones come with presumptions, and are very quickly to fall out once they realise you're not the timid and shy disabled kid they've been fed the idea of.

Anyway, considering the above said: my experiences make me so so very interested in how exactly Leo/need friendship happened and stayed alive for this long, through so much stuff, especially considering whatever Saki was going through was much, much worse than I.

[cwritesforfun]

(Clueless) Cher Horowitz x Fem!Reader: I Kissed A Girl

The reason Cher had been pushing away boys is because she is into girls.

** I don't own any of the characters, except for Y/N and her best friend, Skyler ** Y/N = Your Name **

Cher's POV

I called Christian and told him to come over because I was having a major crisis.

He arrives and I yell, "Got it daddy!"

Christian walks in and says, "Hi gorgeous!"

I smile and hug him back before dragging him to my room.

I ask, "Christian, how ... how did you know you were into guys?"

He shrugs and says, "Always thought they were good looking. Then one day it kind of clicked that yeah men are attractive."

I slump down onto my bed and lay on it. He lays next to me and asks, "Why were you wondering?"

I answer, "I feel weird."

He asks, "Weird. Cher, you're not. You're Miss Popular. Little Miss Perfect. Not Miss Weird."

I reply, "Josh kissed me again, but I didn't like it like I thought I would. I do find him hot, but I just don't want a relationship with him... now can you promise to keep a secret from everyone?"

He nods and pretends to lock up his lips.

I get closer to him and whisper, "That girl... Y/N ... well I find her hot too."

His jaw drops and he whispers, "Never would I ever have pegged you to like girls."

I ask, "Why? It's not too hard to understand right?"

He answers, “Cher, you push away every guy that has ever flirted with you. At first, when we started hanging out, I thought you might be into girls, but I gave up on that dream when I heard that you kissed Josh the first time. But this, this is exciting news to me."

I reply, "Well keep it a secret. I don't know what to do about my crush and I don't want to tell anyone about it."

He asks, “Why?"

I answer, "Coming out to my dad. That would not be good. Not to mention, I have a reputation to uphold at school."

He replies, "You'll feel more free and more like the true you when you do come out."

I ask, "Is Y/N bisexual or lesbian?"

He answers, "I know her best friend is gay and his name is Skyler. I don't know her sexual orientation because it's never come up in conversation when I'm with him and he doesn't seem like the type of friend to share his best friend's personal info."

I ask, "Omg are you dating him?"

He sighs and says, "I wish sister I wish."

I exclaim, "I have an idea."

He turns and replies, "I'm listening."

I exclaim, "We should hang out with Y/N and Skyler. Invite them to go do something, but don't say it's a double date. I want it to be chill and I don't want Y/N to know yet."

He replies, “If you walk with me to ask at lunch, consider it done."

I nod.

He asks, "So why Y/N?"

I answer, "Why not? She's perfect. She's kind to everyone and has close friends. I'm actually kind of friends with her or I mean I hope she considers us friends. She's also very smart and doesn't flaunt it around like some people. She's a nerd, but a nerd I like."

He replies, "Yeah wow you definitely like her."

I laugh.

We then watch a movie where Christian basically drools over the guy then he leaves.

That Night At Dinner

My dad asks, "Was that Christian I saw here earlier?

I nod and he asks, "Why was he in your room? I thought he was gay?"

I answer, "He's still my friend. I can be friends with anyone with whatever sexual orientation, Daddy. He can love whoever he wants and I will always be his friend. Do you have a problem with that?"

He shakes his head and replies, "Not at all."

See this is why I don't want to come out to him. He doesn't seem fully okay with people in the LGBTQ community. I mean I guess he is okay with me being friends with Christian.

Next Day At School - Lunch

Christian and I make our way to where Y/N is sitting with Skyler. She's laughing at something he said and he's cracking up with her. I've never seen a cuter friendship. Nope. I mean I guess Christian and I could be cuter. Idk.

When we walk up, both of them stare at us and Skyler asks, "Christian, what's up?"

What about me? I guess we've never really talked. Haha. Ok.

Christian answers, "Cher and I want to hang with you two outside of school."

Y/N answers, “That sounds great. We are pretty free on Monday afternoons or weekends."

I answer, “This weekend works for me. Anyone have any objections?" Everyone shakes their head.

Skyler asks, "What will we be doing?"

Christian shrugs and says, "I'll call you about it and you can tell Y/N."

They both nod and we walk off.

Last Class On Friday

Y/N is beautiful. I could stare at her all day. She writes down notes so fast and she always tries to make eye contact with the teacher as he's talking. What a good student.

I feel someone tap my shoulder and see Christian. He whispers in my ear, "Stop staring. It's kind of obvious."

I smirk and slump in my chair a little. Oof I really don't want people to know about my crush or sexuality yet.

Mr. Hall asks, "Cher! Christian! Anything you two want to share with the class?"

Oops.

Christian quickly says, "Sorry sir. Our apologies for talking."

Mr. Hall sighs and goes back to teaching.

After class, I pack up fast and walk quickly over to Y/N.

I say, "Hi Y/N."

She looks up and asks, "Hey Cher. What's up?"

I answer, "Just checking in to make sure that you and Skyler want to hang this weekend."

She replies, "Yeah we're down. Skyler said he would pick me up for whatever we're going to."

I nod and smile.

I say, "Yay see you this weekend!"

She replies, "Yeah see ya soon!"

We both wave and I partially skip out of the classroom.

Saturday

I could barely sleep last night. I'm so excited for today. Oh but what do I wear? Christian said we are going to go to this cool art museum that is exhibiting sculptures of Greek Gods and Goddesses then we should go out to lunch. I mean it honestly sounds dare I say cool.

I call Christian and he answers.

((Start of conversation))

C - Christian     Cher = Cher

C - Hi Duchess.

Cher - Omg. Christian. Stop. Haha.

C - I'm leaving my house in 10, so be ready in 20 minutes, okay?

Cher - That's not long enough. I have no idea what to wear. It's tragic.

C - Wear a matching set with small heels. We'll be walking around the museum, so nothing that would hurt.

Cher - Ooh I have an idea. Thanks.

C - Bye!

((End of conversation))

I find a matching skirt and cardigan with fuzz on the edges. I then find heels that are comfortable and jewelry. I grab a purse and put some necessities inside. I grab a pair of sunglasses and smile. Good Job Cher!

I walk downstairs and see Josh talking with Christian.

I say, "Hi boys!"

Josh asks, "Where are you going?"

Christian answers, "Going to eat with people from school and a museum."

Josh snaps, “Cher, you don't seem like the museum or the whole other people type."

I groan and say, "Bye Josh."

I close the door and walk to the car with Christian.

We get inside the car and we drive off.

As we drive, we sit in silence. I don't mind it until he slams on his breaks. Christian then screams in the window and sighs. He then keeps driving.

I say, "I mean did you see Josh's face when you said we were going to the museum? I don't get his stupidity. I could've punched him."

Christian laughs and says, "I take it he has no idea you are into girls."

I reply, "No. I can't tell him right now or my father. My dad by the way said some comment about being friends with you and I could've smacked him too. I did tell him I would always be your friend no matter what though."

He replies, "Thanks. Glad to be your friend forever Cher."

I smile.

We arrive at the museum and we park in the lot.

We walk to the front of the museum and I see them sitting on a bench talking.

We walk up and I say, "Hi Y/N and Skyler!"

They both say hi and Christian asks, "Whose ready for these sculptures?"

Skyler jumps up and says, "Let's go!"

We all laugh and start walking to the museum.

I turn to Y/N next to me and say, "I like your outfit Y/N."

She turns to me, puts her hand to her mouth, and says, "Wow did the fashion icon of our school just compliment my outfit? I feel so accomplished at something. Cher, I love your outfit too by the way."

I reply, "Aww I'm the fashion icon of school. That's nice to hear. Thanks for complimenting my outfit. It took me forever to pick out what to wear today. I have no idea why."

She replies, "Oh girl same. I called Skyler and forgot what he said we were doing today. I didn't want to dress too fancy or too casual, so I settled for something in the middle."

That starts a conversation about fashion and we manage to completely miss the art in the first exhibit.

In the second exhibit, we both gasp and awe at the sculptures. We read about them and we walk around it. Skyler and Christian disappeared like 10 minutes ago, but they said to have fun. Apparently they wanted to go to another sculpture exhibit.

I say, "Smile. I want to take a photo of you."

She replies, "Omg I brought my camera too. I guess we can take photos of each other throughout the day."

I reply, "Sounds like a wonderful idea to me."

As we walk, Y/N asks, "What God or Goddess would you want to be?"

I answer, "Aphrodite. I love love and I love playing matchmaker with people. Not to mention, I love fashion. I feel like I definitely would enjoy that."

Y/N replies, "Not to mention, you are a beauty."

I feel my cheeks heat up and I say, "Y/N, thank you. That is so sweet.”

She replies, "No problem."

I ask, "Which one would you want to be?"

She answers, "Probably Athena. Athena is so wise and I've always wanted to be really smart. She's also in charge of handicraft and warfare, so she's a bad***!”

I reply, "But you're already so smart!"

She replies, "Thanks. I'm not as smart as I know my family wants me to be or even I want to be. But, I try my best and that's all I can do."

I reply, "Well I think you're one of the smartest people in our grade."

She scoffs and laughs.

I say, "You sit in front of the classes I have with you, you pay attention, and teachers respect you. I think you're hella smart."

She replies, "Wow I had no idea you were watching me that much, but thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it."

Oop. Ahahahaha.

Before I have a chance to respond, she says, "Don't worry about the whole watching me thing. I understand. It's okay."

I smile and look away. Does she understand? Does she think about me and watch me?

We finish walking through the museum and I notice it's golden hour outside.

I exclaim, "Omg come with me!"

I reach out my hand for her to take and she takes it. Wow I love her hand in mine. It just feels right and wonderful.

I take her outside by this tree and I pull out my camera. She smiles and poses. She does several other poses and I take lots of photos of her.

We switch places and she takes photos of me.

An young looking lady walks up to us and asks, "Would you like for me to take a photo of you two together?"

I answer, "Sure that would be great."

I hand her my camera and we pose. We take smiling photo, a serious photo, and a funny one.

When we finish, I thank the lady.

She exclaims, "You two are cute."

We thank her and she walks off.

Y/N exclaims, “Open your gallery. I want to see how those turned out."

I open it and I move my camera to show Y/N.

To see my camera screen, she's standing an inch away from me and I can feel her breath on my neck. Omg!! I could freak out!

We look at the photos and they seem to have turned out great. Just saying if we do date, we're going to be a hot couple.

I glance at Y/N and she glances at me. I feel my face heat up and before I say anything, I hear, "There you two lovely ladies are!"

I jump a little and I see Christian with Skyler.

Y/N asks, "Where were you two? We didn't see you after the first exhibit."

Christian and Skyler smirk at each other then they both laugh.

I ask, "You didn't f*** did you?"

Skyler shrugs and Christian says, "You're just a virgin. You wouldn't understand how sex can drive you."

I reply, "I'm highly selective."

((Above quote is from the movie))

Y/N asks, "She makes a good point, but now can we get lunch?"

Wait did she say I made a good point? Aw.

Skyler replies, "Yeah good idea. Come with me, Y/N. Christian and Cher, follow us."

I nod and we follow them.

We make it to a diner and we get a table for four. I sit next to Y/N while the boys sit across from us.

We order food and we wait for it.

Skyler turns to us and asks, "What did you two do while we were gone at the museum?"

Y/N replies, "We went through the Greek sculpture exhibits."

I add, "Then we went outside to take photos of each other and this old lady took a photo of us together."

Christian asks, "And nothing else happened?"

Both Y/N and I shake our heads.

The song, I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry, comes on over the speakers. Christian raises his eyebrows at me and I start laughing. I see Y/N and Skyler having a staring contest.

Y/N eventually blinks and says to Skyler, "You win."

He smirks and Y/N turns to me.

She asks, "Ever kissed a girl?"

I shake my head she leans over to me.

We kiss and after, we both turn back to our food.

Christian asks, "How was it, Cher?"

I answer, "Hot."

Y/N replies, “That's you baby."

Awwwww.

I reply, "But it's also you."

She smirks at me and I lean over to her.

I kiss her on the cheek and ask, "Wanna go on a date just us two sometime?"

She answers "I'd love to."

:)

..........................................................................

THANKS FOR READING!!

[wheelin-after-midnight]

21.

1. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming?

I'm currently in an open/poly same sex relationship. She has one other partner. There are reasons why we're doing things this way now and it's a long story I don't feel like getting into. I could have another partner also if I wanted to, but I don't. We used to be monogamous, so it's been an adjustment, but I love her more than I hate the open aspect of the relationship. We've been going strong for over three years now. Obviously I think things are worth overcoming. That'll always be my first choice when it comes to any challenges or bumps in the road as opposed to just giving up and leaving.

2. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it?

If everyone involved was not okay with it or on the same page and understanding of the ground rules and parameters that were set, I wouldn't have even entertained it in the first place. In other relationships I've not been a polyamorous person, so like I said, it's been an adjustment. But I love and trust her and we've worked through our shit and are where we are. Would I prefer things be closed again like we used to be? Sure. But that's not what it is right now and my feelings are not the only ones that matter. We love each other and want to be together. Who cares whether that looks conventional or makes sense to other people? If not love, what is all this suffering in life even for? If something is right in front of me and working, I'm gonna hold on to it. The whole world is on fire and nobody is promised tomorrow.

3. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other?

The relationship with my mother is very complicated and messed up and its not for lack of trying to make it better. It hurts me that it is the way that it is and it doesn't seem to bother or faze her. I can't fix it all on my own. I'm tired. I'm tired of getting my hopes up that things will ever be different, so I just stopped. We still talk to each other because no matter how independent I am now, my disability prevents me from being 100% that way all the time to the point that I can completely cut people off.

4. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation?

I've been gaslit and accused of being abusive when finally deciding to stand up for myself and not take people's shit or be not to be totally agreeable and instead speak with my own opinion.

The only apology that is acceptable to me at this point is changed behavior. Even then. You're not owed forgiveness or an invitation back into my life. Those things are at the discretion of the person who was wronged or hurt and aren't owed to anyone for any reason.

5. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not?

Yes. Some changed. Most didn't.

6. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at?

I feel much older than I am and I feel like I had to grow up very quickly, unfortunately.

7. Do you feel like you’re lagging behind your peers in terms of development or do you feel that you’re more ahead of the bunch?

Physically I feel like my disability put me behind a lot and had me experience things much too late or miss out entirely. Emotionally I've always felt ahead of the game and basically an outsider around most other people.

8. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing?

I really hate that I feel things so deeply and am such an old soul. I really feel like I don't belong here.

9. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why?

I watched a Disney movie recently. Cuddled against a big stuffed animal when I was upset. People should be allowed to enjoy what they enjoy, regardless of age and without being made to feel like shit about it. The world sucks and life is hard. You don't know other people's stories and are getting mere glimpses and pieces of them that they choose to show you. Let people have their simple pleasures and their joys. Shitting on it says a lot more about the character of that person than it does about the actual thing someone likes.

10. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers?

I don't remember the last actual instance but I'm very triggered by yelling.

11. If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing?

I have several physical diagnoses and yes, they are accurate. Unfortunately.

12. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? >>

One complaint is that a lot of mental health professionals don’t... like, do the work. They’ll just see someone once or twice and go “oh you clearly have [x]” just based upon some cursory questioning and observation. << THIS. So much. Also yes I've had bad counseling experiences to the point that it completely turned me off ever going to any kind of talk therapy ever again.

13. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else?

If I'm the problem, I have no problem readily admitting I did something wrong. I was definitely the reason for us being late to see Wicked from almost falling on ice when we were leaving. I didn't do it on purpose, but I kept apologizing anyway. I can't think of more legitimate examples at the moment.

14. In an average week, how often do you leave the house? Generally, how many miles would you say you travel in that time?

Usually zero. I feel very fortunate when it ends up being more often.

15. Have you ever made a mistake or did something you were too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone else? Did you eventually tell anyone? Did their reaction help you feel better or worse about your secrets?

Who hasn't? Most secrets of mine remain secrets. I don't really open up to most other people.

16. Do you think you’re easy to open up to or do people confide in you often?

My friends confide in me often and I'm very glad to be that person. Feeling like you can't open up to the people around you and be genuinely supported and understood just sucks.

17. When was the last time you felt accomplished? When was the last time you felt like you failed at something?

I feel like a failure every day in a multitude of ways. Most recently for not being able to make things work to the point that I can keep living here. I feel accomplished every time I clean the house and do laundry.

18. When was the last time you worked really hard on something only to have it get ruined in some way? Did you start over and try again, or did you give up entirely?

I don't remember.

19. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)?

Chapped lips, frozen hands, stone in my shoe.

20. Are you prone to talking during shows? Does it bother you if other people talk? Is there someone you know with a television-watching style so different to yours that you can’t stand to watch with them?

If I watch anything with my mum and make one little comment about something happening, she's like "don't talk during movies!" -. - I don't give a flying fuck if people do. Don't talk over the whole thing, obviously, but my friends and I make comments about something we found funny or something we see happening at different points throughout the movie. I think that's pretty normal. Showing interest in what you're seeing and in the time you're sharing together.

21. Are you ever afraid to admit to liking something because you’re afraid other people will judge you for it? What is the worst that’s ever happened as a result of you liking something different from the crowd? What about the best thing that’s come as a result of a unique interest? >> I mean, being judged for things I like has been happening for so long that I’m mostly just used to it. < yeah. I don't open up to a lot of people about anything that really brings me joy or I'm actually passionate about because I know it's probably just gonna get ruined.

22. If someone judges you, are you more inclined to react defensively, offensively, or indifferently? Do you often judge other people in an overt way, or do you keep most of your judgments to yourself?

If it's someone I really love and I'm hurt by the judgement I'm defensive for sure. I do my best to be understanding rather than judgmental bc I know how much other people's judgements have often made me feel like shit. I'm not often overt about it in the instances I do judge.

23. What kind of image, if any, do you hope you project to the world? Like, what qualities do you hope other people are able to see in you? Do you ever feel like you’re coming across all wrong?

Idk. I just want to be as kind and loving as I can. I hope I treat most people better than I have been treated in a lot of cases. I hope I'm a really good friend. I hope that I make people feel understood and seen and cared for, because I often don't feel those things. I hope I'm fun and make people laugh and at least a few people have fun memories with me.

24. When was the last time you felt like someone was completely misunderstanding your feelings or intentions? Were you eventually able to explain and clarify? How do you react when you feel seriously misunderstood?

Almost any time I interact with my mother. I try to communicate rationally and then shut down if I'm getting nowhere and still feel misunderstood.

25. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? >> I tried to stay friends with my ex boyfriend after I came out as gay but he would not respect boundaries and still wanted to be intimate with me and I'm just like.... Bruh. He started treating me like shit after I thought he may have finally got it through his head that I didn't want to be with him anymore, so I just cut it off. My last ex gf and I are no longer exes, but I definitely have a long foundation of friendship that was built before it went beyond that. I'd like to think we're still friends first.

26. What was the last reason you decided you didn’t want to do something?

I guess the last time I skipped family dinner, idk.

27. What is something about you that makes you feel very different from other people (and I don’t mean like a food preference like pineapple on pizza, i mean core level different, where you can’t find this quality in many others)?

Idk I feel like my disability has had me experience life in a way that most people just can't understand or relate to very well. I also just feel emotionally beyond my years bc of a lot of things I've had to go through, which sucks.

28. Do you have a negative view of mentally ill people, or are you mentally ill yourself? Do you ever call others crazy, insane, etc? Do you ever call yourself those things?

A lot of my mental struggles stem from my physical ones. I've been medicated in the past. Doesn't help because medication can't give me physical freedom or a different life or alleviate the things that living with a disability entails or causes. I've technically been "diagnosed". But it was basically like, you're depressed. Here's some meds. They didn't help. So I tapered off of them. I don't have a negative view of mentally ill people at all. No one should. Lots of people need help. What helps doesn't look the same for everyone. Compassion over judgment. You never know when you could find yourself in some kind of unexpected crisis or painful situation or whatever. Life can change in two seconds. Treat people how you would want them to treat you at your most vulnerable.

29. What is one way you often put yourself down? What is one compliment you often give yourself? Do you think you compliment or insult yourself more?

Oh god, I'm so mean to myself. I often hate myself. I think I'm ugly, I feel worthless. I definitely insult myself more than compliment, but I do think I'm funny. I think I'm a really loyal friend and very warm when people are in trouble or hurting and I'm needed. I think I'm a really good writer. I'm really good at acting in theatre productions, though I've not had opportunity to do so in a looooong time. I miss it very much. I can sing pretty well, though I don't sing as often as I used to either. I think I'm really good to my cat and go above and beyond what most people do for their animals to give her a great life. I know there are good things about me, but I don't see it when I'm in certain dark places at times.

30. Does it bother you to have people comment on what you’re eating, or do you not care? What are some comments that would bother you, if any? Do you ever comment on what other people are eating or make assumptions about their intakes?

It used to bother me immensely when I got called fat or had what I ate commented on before I lost all the weight that I did. If someone made comments on my eating habits now I'd tell them to fuck off.

Generally, nobody should comment on anyone else's bodies or eating habits. Especially people you don't even know. People have to want to make those types of changes for themselves and someone's snide comments or unwanted opinions is gonna do literally nothing to help.

[dariusrufus-blog]

@trixie-windsor @yourmomsamilf @masonbellamy @madisonjwalcott @alex-temple @ari0estrada @beautyguru-audreyz @becca-almasi @christian-sage @charlie-bee @drdaina @drnerdyedwards @damien-roy @ellatheprotestor @francisbouknight @hennathroughthelens @hackervoicedel @izzybmore @isaamghazani @jacexkang @jacksliam @jaceryan @jared-smokes @kiarabellamy @keelyharper @mlawleviprice @masonbellamy @merritt-sage @nursedorothy @rileypark @sofiacastell @surge-rodriguez @supermomlola @trixie-windsor @willthebaker @yeosikyung 

[hey-kae]

Home is Perfect Starts

Part one of the “Home is…” series.

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x singer!female reader

Request: read here

Warnings: language, sexual jokes, some smut.

a/n: okay so the request was for one imagine but this has turned into a series because there are so many scenes i wanna include what would have left us with a fic of 20k+ words so i decided to divide it. Really hoping the person who requested this doesn’t mind.

Just a year ago, you would've never imagined that life would somehow lead you to move to Monaco with the person you were quite sure you'd spend the rest of your life with, both of you looking with so much optimism towards a future that seemed so bright and perfect, slowly building a life together that you two knew you'd pick over anything and everything at any given space and time.

Around two years ago, you were sat unassumingly under the hot stage lights of yet another interview studio, the interviewer across from you asking prying questions and giving you curious looks like she was desperate for you to spill everything you have ever kept a secret about your life into the little microphone clipped onto your shirt. In reality, she wouldn't have exactly minded you giving her exclusive details about the private matters you kept to yourself but she was also aware that such occurrence was practically impossible, not with the intensive media training you had undergone, not with your manager backstage, not with your instance that your private life would always stay private no matter how much you fame might grow. However, her knowing all that didn't really mean that she wouldn't try to throw in the bait and hope for a scoop or some grand story she'd get to take credit for.

The loud cheers of the small crowd as the show resumed airing had alerted you back to reality, the host almost immediately announcing the start of "the fan favorite part of the show, a quick game of Would You Rather."

Fast forward a few questions that seemed eerily safe, you had been met with the one question that had gotten a laugh out of the audience.

"Would you rather skip a relative's wedding or miss a Formula 1 Grand Prix?" The interviewer had asked with a cheeky smile that had perfectly showed that she already knew the story.

"Oh God..." you had kept a smile but looked away for a second, a blush spreading over your cheeks in memory of that day, "How did you find out about this?" A perfectly timed chuckle had escaped your lips as you pushed your hair over your shoulders elegantly.

"We have our ways."

"Oh, quite mysterious!" You laughed a bit, "Alright, alright. Here's the full story but before anyone decides to judge, l ended up not missing any of the two, by the way! This was a few years ago so i was considerably young but... yeah, there was a race on the same day as a family member's wedding. It was a championship decider basically and i really wanted to see who would end up winning so i tried sweet talking my parents out of taking me to the wedding, even tried playing sick but it didn't work out. So, after a big argument with my mom, i ended up going but i'm a girl who has her priorities set straight so naturally, i stayed glued to my phone all the ceremony, what got me a lot of disapproving glares, not gonna lie. And i remember it so clearly, but my favorite driver ended up crashing out during the vows so -god, this is embarrassing- i was literally crying and everyone around me thought i had gotten emotional over what the bride was saying when, obviously, that wasn't the case." You had finished the story with an embarrassed nod and pursed lips.

The following question was one you had cautiously answered.

"Do we get to know your favorite team?"

"Well, everybody's a Ferrari fan. Right?" You quoted Sebastian Vettel with a smug smile since you knew only F1 fans would catch the reference.

How that little statement and a few unconvered pictures of younger you watching races, all decked out in Ferrari merchandise, ended up with you being invited to the Ferrari hospitality at the Italian Grand Prix, your name on the pass hanging around your neck being "Charles Leclerc guest 3" was something you still couldn't wrap your head around.

When your manager had informed you of the invite, you wouldn't have ever assumed that you were invited by the driver himself, not the team so naturally, seeing his name on the pass was a shock, especially given the fact that the two of you had never interacted in the past aside from the follows you had exchanged on instagram after that interview.

During that race weekend, the tension between the two of you had debuted. You had ended up with him in a flaming red Ferrari, helmet on and filming a hot laps video around the track.

You were a bit shy by nature, especially around people you were undeniably attracted to and while locked into the car with you, Charles was quick to take notice of that. It had boosted his ego and therefore his confidence, encouraging him to push the car to its utmost limits, drifting it through the corners and letting the tires screech as they struggled against the black asphalt.

However, the precise moment where the two of you figured there might be something more to the instant connection you had formed was when he noticed how unaffected by the speed you were, cheering him on as he drove instead of freaking out like he had seen in the hot laps videos he had binge watched to know what to expect.

"Oh, come on! I have to find a way to get some screams out of you!" The monégasque spoke before thinking, stepping harder onto the gas pedal as the car shot down a straight, only to realize the double meaning of his words when he saw you struggling to hold in your laughter, your cheeks blushing a deep shade of red before finally allowing yourself to laugh, deeming your attempt to neutralize your reaction as a failure.

Charles absolutely loved your reaction to the dirtier side of his words. Something about the sound of your laugh had caged in his heart, leaving him to grin at you like he could see the future. Likewise, something about the way he had looked at you while you laughed, his eyes glistening in the sun told you he'd be someone special in your life.

While he was still grinning, he worked some buttons on his steering wheel then he drove the car in donuts as you giggled, genuinely enjoying the experience, loving the speed and the smell and sound of the tires.

To your surprise, Charles' comment about getting you to scream wasn't cut out of the video. In fact, it became the star of it. It was actually the spark that ignited the fire between the two of you, especially when that little interaction, more specifically your reactions to it caused fans to ship the two of you.

After that day, you had contacted Charles to thank him for the invite and the experience and that ended up in a meetup then another then another and soon enough the meetups turned into dates then secret getaways. Barely any additional time passed before you found yourself calling Charles Leclerc your boyfriend.

Almost instantly, you started getting spotted sneaking around with him wether it was around paddocks, backstage at your shows, around Monaco or from your tourbus. The first video that went viral and made it harder to play off the rumors was one of Charles in a VIP box at your concert, singing along to practically every song, assuming people hadn't spotted him. The relationship became impossible to hide so, naturally, you went public with a video of him visiting you on tour, playing the piano backstage at one of the arenas to help you rehearse a song. The short clip quickly became a fan favorite to yours and Charles' relief.

The special and wholesome nature of your relationship left you so scared that your schedules would ruin it for the two of you at some point. You loved each other to death. You texted and called and facetimed each other endlessly but it was undeniable that it wasn't exactly normal for a couple to see each other less than once per month sometimes.

Eventually, it became an issue.

Eventually, both of you started realizing that the relationship was being built on texting, calls and facetimes. Not an ideal base in any way.

Eventually, you found yourself locked up in your tourbus, on a video call with Charles who was alone in his driver's room after a qualifying session that hadn't gone exactly well, the both of you choked up with the fear that the rough patch might just be the end of everything.

"It doesn't feel like a relationship anymore." He had said, his eyes dazed as he bit onto his lips from the anxiety the conversation was giving him.

"I know." You had answered with defeat, your eyes tearing up while imagining where this could go.

It terrified you when silence took over after the small sentence.

"I don't want to break up." Charles' voice was shaking as he said that.

"Me neither." The reply was instinctive.

There was close to nothing you wouldn't do to save the relationship.

Charles looked relieved, the next words leaving his mouth with so much ease, it made it obvious he's thought about them before, "We should move in together."

He had studied your reaction to his words so intensely, fearing that he was asking for too much.

"I would love it if you moved in with me. Actually, i want a fresh start with you, a new place that would be just ours, our own little world, an escape from everything. Monaco doesn't even feel like home anymore, the apartment doesn't feel like home anymore. There's always something missing and I'm pretty sure it's you... and i know it won't solve everything but at least we'll get to come home to each other, spend our breaks by each other's side instead of wasting days trying to decide who is flying to who or where to meet up. I just want to wake up next to you, see your stuff next to mine, fall asleep with you sleeping on my chest. I want to hear your presence nearby so life doesn't feel so lonely anymore."

You had stared at the screen for a long time, imagining every word he had said.

The house you owned was already far from your friends and family so moving a bit further wouldn't change a thing. Plus, you loved Monaco and could see yourself living there, especially if Charles was involved in those plans.

It barely took any further thoughts for you to nod with a smile, Charles leaning backwards in his seat in relief.

That weekend, Charles took the track and you took the stage with so much energy and positivity, everyone you both worked with had noticed it.

—

That is how you ended up watching an extremely confused Charles from your seat on the countertop as he tried to figure out the correct ingredients for a cake, a swipe of flour covering his cheek, a frown on his face and a bandana pushing back his hair.

After an extensive apartment-hunting week in Monaco, the two of you finally found a place to call home, a shared apartment that would be your shelter from the your hectic lives outside. It was perfect, overlooking the harbor, cozy but elegant and perfectly suited for both your tastes.

"Charles, let me help you." You suggested for the third time, a smile on your lips as you took in how adorably cute your boyfriend currently looked, an extremely confused expression furrowing his brows.

"No, baby. You already did the pizza dough." He nodded towards the oven where the pizza was being baked,  "I want to make you something myself, a small welcome to Monaco, you know?" He grinned up at you, looking away from his phone where he was googling easy cake recipes.

Sighing in defeat, you relaxed against the wall behind you and preoccupied yourself with admiring Charles while he moved, more like fidgeted, around your shared kitchen.

After the long day of cleaning, unpacking, organizing and reorganizing, it was finally starting to sink in that this is your home with the person you wanted to spend all your days with, the same person that you had been barely able to see for the whole year the two of you had been dating. Now, in a very contrasting turn of events, you got to call him home.

Smiling at the thought, you exhaled out loud in content.

"What is it?" Charles glanced at you, smiling himself when he saw how much you looked at peace.

"Fuck...we actually live together, Charles." It came out as a chuckle that made him grin widely at you.

"Doesn't feel real yet."

You hopped off the counter and crossed the kitchen towards him, wrapping your arms around his waist while he was still facing the other way.

"It doesn't feel real but it definitely feels perfect."

Charles smiled at your statement, pulling you around and caging you between his body and the counter, a mindless smile still on his face as he leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a messy, playful kiss.

This was all new. Sure, you've been dating for a while but you never got the opportunity to kiss just because you felt like it, nor playfully and casually since your time together was always brief, always limited, making the kisses either heated or rushed but now, his lips were moving against yours so softly, almost delicately, his tongue lightly grazing against yours as you discovered new sides of each other.

His hands moved up, one resting gently on your neck as the other caressed your cheek just as you felt him smile into the kiss.

"Welcome home, baby." He pulled back and grinned at you, his dimples on full display and his eyes sparkling as if your heart needed more reasons to race. It was at times like this when you realized how much you loved him, at times when he felt so surreal but so yours.

You smiled at him and rested your head on his shoulder, your fingers tracing small patterns on the fabric of his shirt as he stared down at you with an adorable expression on his face, the small smile never falling off his face as he rubbed his hand on your back, feeling you relax into his touch.

"You're gonna let me help you with the cake so we can... do other things?" The question was delivered along with a soft kiss onto his neck then another one under his ear, "Or, you could welcome me with something other than a cake." You put as much distance between the two of you as was possible in this position so you could eye his reaction.

Charles was looking at you with raised eyebrows, amused eyes and a slightly tilted head.

"No, baby. Trust me, you're getting that kind of welcome and okay, maybe we can forget the cake but we're going to eat," he lifted you to sit on the counter, pushing himself between you legs, his lips immediately finding your slightly exposed shoulder, "because i'm done rushing."

Charles brushed your hair behind your ears, his eyes locking with yours for a second before he kissed you again, slow and determined like he was proving a point.

"I'm taking my time with you tonight, baby."

With that final statement and a peck to your neck, he walked away, grabbing the oven mittens to check on the food, only looking back at you for a second to give you one of his signature winks along with a smirk.

"Fuck, Charles... the food won't run away." You complained and received a declining sound from Charles as he took out the pizza, placed it on the counter and began cutting it.

To be fair, the food looked really good.

"Fine." You groaned and headed to the cupboards that had the plates and grabbed two, placing them neatly on the table in the dining room before going back to grab knives and forks, crossing Charles who was carrying the tray of food to the table.

After some minor last touches, the two of you sat to eat, genuinely happy in the simplicity of each other's company in a place that actually felt yours.

Charles seemed to be really excited about just having you by his side as he does things as simple as eating dinner. He was trying hard to balance eating and talking as he rushed stories of his childhood memories in this city that now you too called home.

"It's tiny, i know, but you'll love it here. I promise." He beamed at you as he ate his last bite, brushing his hands together to shake the flour remainings off.

"I know, i love it here already. You -i don't know how to say it- You're just so much happier, i guess, when you're in Monte Carlo. That alone is enough for me to love it." You replied as you too finished eating, catching Charles looking at you in a way that never failed to make you blush.

Following that, you headed back to the kitchen to rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher when a pair of strong arms wrapped around you, lifting you off the ground and walking off to the bedroom with you hoisted over his shoulder.

"Charles, i can walk, you know?"

"Well, not for long."

"Charles!" You squealed as he put you down on the bed and climbed on top of you, giggling and tickling your sides.

"We finally live together." He reminded you with so much excitement as he kissed your face, the both of you chuckling until his lips found yours, effectively changing the whole vibe, the kiss being hungry and needy this time.

"I love you so much." You breathed out the words as things escalated, Charles now fiddling with the back of your bra to get it off while his other hand toyed with your clit and his mouth sucked a hickey onto your neck.

"I love you too, so much." He said the words back just as he felt you grind down on his hand, wanting more.

"Just one second, baby." He assured you, kissing your forehead before tossing away the bra and making sure your panties quickly followed it before his head was between your thighs, his tongue working its magic on your clit. He had you arching your back within less than a minute, you hands moving down to tangle themselves in his hair only to find the material of his bandana slightly limiting the easy access. You mindlessly got rid of it, allowing your fingers to comfortably disappear between his locks as his hand held your other one tightly.

He made you cum multiple times with his fingers and mouth all while giving you small encouraging remarks until you were begging him to just fuck you, and he did.

"Your wishes are my command, angel." He had said before he slipped inside of you, making love to you soft and slow, his body as connected to yours as was possible, his lips never breaking contact with yours, muffling both of your moans while your arms remained wrapped around him, needing to feel him close to you, his skin against yours in such vulnerable moments.

Soon enough, your body shuddered beneath his and you let go, feeling the pressure exploding in your veins, Charles' release quickly following yours.

"Fuck, living with you might be the best thing to ever happen to me." He had said from beside you, still panting after his orgasm, his body glistening with a thin layer of sweat, his cheeks flushed and his lips plump from all the kissing. His arm was stretched out under your head, pulling you to him as you chuckled from his revelation.

"I always knew you were dating me for the sex, Leclerc." You had attempted to joke but Charles took it a bit seriously.

"Ah, tais toi!" Oh, shut up! He pulled you closer so your head was laying on his chest, his hand softly moving around the small of your back, "You know you're so much more than that, right? I mean, you have got to know because, quite honestly, the times we had sex in the past year can literally be counted and that wouldn't make sense but it's not even that. I love you so much, baby. Like, i don't know, i can't even really explain it but... but, yeah, i love you for so many things that are way more meaningful than sex." He went on a rant, wanting to prove you wrong.

"Baby, relax! I was only joking." You giggled, looking up at him, switching positions so you were laying on your stomach, half of your body on top of his as you reached up and cupped his face, moving your thumb softly along his cheek. Charles instinctively leaned into your touch, his eyes closing.

"Still... i don't like hearing you say that."

You nodded and gave him a soft kiss on the chest then dismissed the subject, getting up and putting on your underwear back on along with his shirt, causing him to grin like a lovesick teenager.

You smiled back at him and grabbed his arm to try to pull him out of bed.

"C'mon. We're gonna do some skin care." You proposed but his reaction contradicted yours as he groaned in complaint.

"Please..." you whined, grasping his hands tighter and pouting.

"Oh, no. Don't give me that face!"

"Charles, s'il te plais." please. You brought out one of the very few french expressions you knew, making him raise his eyebrows and giggle before his hand rubbed over his face.

His body relaxed and he allowed you to pull him up into a standing position, the french trick working like always. It reminded you that you needed to try learning the language again.

"Merci, baby." You smiled at him as he put on some boxers, fake glaring up at you through his lashes from his hunched position as you made your way to the bathroom but, as you expected, he was quick to follow you.

Charles watched as you laid out the various products you used usually before pulling out two headbands and turning to face him, moving closer to his body to push the hair out of his face with one.

His hands instantly moved to your waist as you put the headband on him while not-so-subtly admiring his features with a smile.

"How the hell are you so beautiful?" You chuckled, your hands resting on his bare chest while you continued studying his face.

The slight blush that painted his cheeks was unmissable, his eyes disappearing as he giggled, his dimples showing even as he tilted his head forward.

He pulled you closer, hugging you closer as his heart raced and you felt it against your skin. The fact that you had that effect in him was something you truly cherished.

"Have you seen yourself, baby? You're the most beautiful person I've seen." His fingers lifted your chin up and he pecked your lips, then your cheeks and forehead and before you knew it he was peppering small kisses all over your face.

"I love you." Charles said.

"I love you too, angel." You replied, your hands cupping his face for a moment, you body electrocuted with the love that was coursing through it.

With one final peck to the lips, he let go of you and you reached for your own headband, putting it on after tying your hair into a messy bun to get it out of your face.

"First, cleanser 'cause we don't have makeup on." You informed Charles as you grabbed the bottle.

He frowned and reached for a brightly colored jar, bringing it up to his line of sight to read the label.

"Can we use this? It looks fun."

"Yeah, sure, but this is a moisturizer so, at the end." You smiled at him as you foamed up the cleanser between your hands before gesturing for your boyfriend to come closer so you could put the product on his face.

Charles pushed out his head towards you, closing his eyes  and pursing his lips so you could rub the cleanser onto his skin.

"Baby, you can talk and open your eyes, you know?" You chuckle and he peaked one eyes open to look at you.

"I don't want my eyes to burn." He complained.

"Oh, i'm sure you'll be fine, angel." You amusingly said then pecked his lips before starting to cleanse your own skin while he stood awkwardly with his eyes still closed and you watched him in the mirror.

"Baby, you look ridiculous." You laughed and Charles groaned.

"Can i wash it off?"

"Yes, of course! It's not a mask or anything."

Sighing in exaggerated relief, Charles grabbed a towel out of the cabinet and splashed water on his face, a couple droplets hitting you as he did so. You followed in his footsteps and washed the cleanser off.

"Now, this!" You grabbed one of your favorite mask. It did an amazing job soothing your skin and since it usually felt really nice and cool against your face, you knew Charles would like it.

"Wait, it's kind of cold." He proved you right as you applied it onto his face, his hand reaching up to swipe some off his face. You pushed his hand away and told him to leave it alone before you put on some yourself.

"We wait 15 minutes now."

You could practically see the idea spark in Charles' mind.

"I'll be back in a second." He walked out of the bathroom, disappearing out of your sight within seconds.

In the time he was gone, you grabbed your phone, checked for any texts and snapped a selfie in the mirror, intending to share it on your story. It was only then that you noticed the purple mark on your neck, making you blush like a teenager.

You saved the picture instead and went to search for your boyfriend when he appeared in the doorframe, carrying a bowl and his phone.

"I brought cucumbers!" He beamed, crunching on a slice as he spoke, "Now, we can look like we are at the spa."

Highly amused by this, you threw in a joke that you already knew was lame.

"Spa?" You made a driving motion with your hands, smiling as you spoke.

Charles narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, "Oh, come on! You know what i mean."

"Oui, i know what you mean." You grabbed a piece of cucumber and ate it, then another piece that you put on one of Charles' eyes.

"No, wait. I wanna put some music first." He grabbed your hand to stop you, unlocking his phone and scrolling through his music before clicking on a song and letting it play softly as he took a seat on the edge of the bathtub and covered his eyes with some cucumbers.

Smiling at the sight, you took a quick, discreet picture of him before you sat by the sink and mirrored his actions, loving that the picture was basically unsharable since he was in just his boxers, making it only yours to see.

While waiting for the time to be up, the two of you chatted about really random things, laughing so much that the cucumbers fell off a bunch of time until the both of you gave up on them. Instead, you had a small, silly photoshoot in the mirror than ended up with one of your favorite pictures of the two of you. Charles had one brow arched and was pouting his lips as he stood behind you while you were giggling at something he had said seconds earlier. It was a picture that would be kept between you and him only due to the choice of clothing, or lack of it thereof, and the painfully obvious mark on your neck.

Then, as his music shuffled, one of your songs came on. You rushed to skip it, groaning in a bit of annoyance but Charles pulled his phone away from you, telling you he loved that song, what left you inevitably enduring the awkwardness of listening to your own voice blasting out of your boyfriend's phone speakers. On the bright side, you got to witness Charles singing along to one of your songs what you found utterly adorable.

"You know, this was nice!" Charles admitted after he washed off the mask a few minutes later. You gave him an "i told you so" look as you patted your own face dry and grabbed the moisturizer that impressed him earlier.

You motioned for him to sit again and stood between his legs when he did, feeling his hands on the back of you thighs as you opened the jar and took a bit of product out, softly massaging it onto the entirety of his face, making sure not to miss any spots. He was smiling up at your the whole time, his eyes shining with all the love he had for you as he watched.

"Done!"

He grinned at you and admired as you moisturized your own skin.

"It feels like, it's really smooth." He gushed, touching his face repeatedly.

You laughed at that, "You were literally complaining just about half an hour ago."

He shrugged, waited for you to finish putting away the products before he pulled you to bed, slipping underneath the sheets with you pulled close to his chest. How could he not hold you so close when he's been dreaming of this for so long?

"Today was a bit tiring." He said, rubbing his eyes as he felt the sleepiness coming close to overpowering him.

"It was." You wrapped your arm around his waist, feeling so safe and serene with him so close, "But it was so worth it. Now i get to come home to you." A smile shone on you face as you looked up at him, finding that his gaze was already glued onto you.

"I love it so much, baby. You don't even know." His last word was interrupted by a yawn, "I love it so much that this is our bed, that you are actually here, not just an image on facetime while you talk from a completely different place. I love it so much that we don't have to calculate time zones as frequently as before, because let's be honest, that is kind of inevitable, and that you aren't a seven hour flight away from me." He lazily spoke, his arms tight around your body, one of his hands sliding down to move your leg so it was draping over his while you faced him and nuzzled your head into his chest.

"I love sleeping next to you too, angel. And I'm so thankful for you and for this. I don't think there is any greater comfort than sharing a home with you Charles. I don't know what i did to deserve you, to deserve so much happiness and love but I'll forever be grateful that you're the person i fell for."

With that, you hugged each other tightly and fell asleep in the safety of each other's arms, under a roof that you shared, not knowing what tomorrow would bring but still looking forward to it.

It was all so perfect.

[minheeology]

could never hate you ➳ jay park.

pairing : nonidol!jay x gn!reader

in this work : angst, implied breakup, mentions of cheating, reminiscing on old memories, heartbreak.

a/n : i'm making my triumphant return with this admittedly shitty piece.. however, i really do want to get back to writing. i miss being here and i miss everyone. i hope you guys didn't forget about me. this is kinda based off my own very recent experiences so... yeah. i've been going through hell lately, so i'm trying to cope by writing i guess... okay i'll stop rambling here. enjoy!

listen to: male fantasy by billie eilish.

you fell in love with jay park on a warm spring day.

the two of you had been friends for a while, and eventually it blossomed into something more. everyone had seen it coming - everyone besides you two, that is.

you were in denial that somebody like jay could love someone like you. you saw jay like some sort of god, like somebody who was above everybody else. he was good looking, kind, charming.. he was everything anyone could ever want, yet somehow, you were lucky enough to call him yours.

you two became more inseperable than before. you had every class together, you ate lunch together every day, and you'd often spend the night together. everything was perfect, and you started picturing a future with jay. you weren't really sure if you wanted a family, but if you were to have one, you wanted it to be with jay.

he'd be the perfect father, you thought.

two years had gone by and you thought things were going good. in your mind, it didn't feel like it had been that long. to you, you two were still in the honeymoon phase. everything jay did and said still gave you butterflies, and you trusted him with your whole being.

if only you knew that trusting him would be your greatest mistake.

coming home after a day of work, you opened the door to jay's apartment. you figured he knew you were coming over, considering it was basically a routine at this point.

jay did not know you were coming over, you assume. because if jay knew, he would have never invited that girl over. he would have never been kissing her the way he kissed you. he would have never told her he loved her while you were right around the corner.

at first, you were frozen. you couldn't bring yourself to move. you told yourself it was a mistake, that jay was just playing a huge prank on you. of course, deep down, you knew the truth. you knew jay park had betrayed you.

and so, trying to save the last bit of dignity you had left, you walked out of his apartment, and out of his life forever.

a month had gone by, and you hadn't heard from jay at all. you assume he heard the door close behind you, and decided that was the end. the lack of closure hurt you more than you'd like to admit, but you knew it was for the best. after all, he was the one in the wrong, not you.

despite everything, though, part of you still wished he would come back to you and apologize. part of you wanted nothing more than to hold him in your arms and kiss him again. part of you knew that you could never hate him, and that's what hurt the most,

loving him even though you shouldn't.

[r0-boat]

Yo, it's Dom!Reader Anon again. Currently i've been writing a fic for Broker!MC. its coming along slowly, but i'm having fun with it! I wanted to share a small bit i had written up, so I hope u enjoy this nearly 3000 word thing i typed up while on sleep medicine haha. --- "I knew I shouldn't have come to this party. I knew I shouldn't and I did it anyway. Mew isn't going to let me live this down for weeks..." you mumbled under your breath, ducking from room to room. Things had been getting boring lately. There's only so much you can do as the most powerful person on the planet when you had to hide your identity all the time. Hardly anyone had requested your service as of late, so what better way to solve your boredom, than to go to a party in another region? It wouldn't be the first time you ventured out to attend an event, of course. You had attended many different parties over the years, with many different faces and personas. They were prime places to gather information and opinions of the public. This, however, was a mistake. You had been so bored. It had been months since you had left your little island abode, so you decided it was time to venture out once again before you grew too antsy. At first, you hadn't been sure which region to visit, that is, until you heard about a big party being hosted in Hoenn. A party being hosted by none other than Champion Steven Stone. A masquerade party, to be exact. One open to all trainers across the region. You practically salivated at the mouth when you heard this little tid-bit of news. A mask themed party, held by none other than one of your best customers? It was as if a goldmine for entertainment had fallen right into your lap! Mew, however, wasn't convinced it was a good idea. Sure, Steven may not have been the most intimidating leader when it came to organized crime, but he still held a lot of influence across the globe. Therefore, he had a lot of connections. He also had his hand in a lot of companies across the globe. There were bound to be a lot of people at this party. Overall, you may have been one of the biggest names in the underground, but that didn't mean you were untouchable. With there being so many people at this party, there was always a chance something could go wrong. You had many different means of escaping a party, of course. From teleporting Pokemon, to your own experience in fist fighting and free running. But Mew wasn't convinced. They had a weird feeling about this party. However, despite Mew's warnings, you decided to go ahead and go. All trainers across Hoenn, and even the globe, to an extent, were invited. It was too good of an opportunity to pass by, and you couldn't just send a Pokemon in to gather info with how big this ball was gonna be. So, you ordered a very basic masquerade mask. A simple black one with a few ornate designs in white across it that covered the top of your face. A mask to go well with your simple black outfit. Of course, you also brought several Pokemon with you. Pokemon to be on your 'trainer team', and a few Pokemon to protect you, and gather information while you enjoyed yourself. When the day of the party arrived, you were no longer Z, boogeyman of the Underground. Today, you were simply your average trainer looking for fun at a big party! Your arrival to Hoenn had been easy, your Pokemon making the trip as quick as a snap of your fingers. Finding the party had been just as easy. A large building that had been rented out for the event, with tons of masked people entering and leaving the building. It was hard to miss. Quickly, you had gotten to work. Taking to a fish in water, you wore your 'Bright eyed and bushy tailed' trainer persona. Being an eager little trainer made it easy to slip into conversation. When you seemed like fresh meat, everyone wanted to teach you something, or show off something they knew. Especially if you played dumb and got things wrong. People loved correcting others. Slip in a little praise to boost their ego, and bingo! You could practically bring up any

topic without hardly any suspicion. The party was going well into the night, and you had managed to talk to a decent amount of people, not wanting to get too involved. Had to do this just right after all. Talk to too many people, you could turn some heads. This wasn't your first rodeo though, so you had this night in the bag. Or so you had thought. It was getting late, sometime past 10 pm. You were beginning to finish up for the night, having gathered a decent amount of info. That's when you saw him. As it turns out, Steven must have invited all the champions from the other regions, because you were now talking to fucking Lance of all people. Sure, he had a mask on, but you knew too much of this man not to recognize him. From how tall he was, to his dark red hair and deep voice, it was without a doubt, the Kanto Champion. You had accidentally bumped into him at the food table, having paid more attention to the food than the area around you. Rookie mistake. Now here he was, asking about you. Your name, favorite Pokemon, what you did in Hoenn for a living. Regular small talk. You fed him lies with ease, of course, just like you had to everyone else here. However, a champion being so close to you, without your normal get up made you quite nervous. You hadn't even seen Steven this whole time, someone you were prepared to at least say hello and lie to. But no, you had to be blindsided by another champion. You clutched your glass of wine as you flashed Lance another smile. For some reason, he seemed rather taken with you, or at least seemed attracted to your trainer persona. He just wouldn't. Stop. Talking. You had only seen him act this way around your Broker persona. He always seemed eager to please you. You wondered what it was about you he seemed to like, seeing as he didn't act like this to others. You eventually decided you had enough. As much as this was a golden opportunity to talk to Lance with his guard down, you needed to leave. You were mentally and physically exhausted, and very much wanted a nap. Plus, your nerves were completely shot. Not to mention, the champion was asking a lot of questions. You could only answer so many before things started to look suspiciously off. Giving Lance another smile, you made an excuse in needing the restroom. Easily believing your lie, Lance offered to hold your drink for you as you left. What a gentleman. Ha. That's what led up to now. You desperately ducked from room to room, trying to find an empty area in which you could have your Pokemon teleport you out. Of course, Steven had to host such a large party that practically every room was occupied. Grumbling under your breath, you entered another room, and froze. In the room was none other than Steven Stone himself. He was talking to some masked stranger, presumably about business. When you entered the room, however, all talking had stopped. "Ah! Sorry, I was just looking for the restroom!" You quickly lied, attempting to back out. Steven turned towards you, and gave you a smile. "Oh, that's quite alright! You seem lost, do you need some assistance?" he asked you. Thinking quickly, you brought your hands up, shaking them as you shook your head. "Oh no, It's okay, I don't wish to interrupt!" you exclaimed, backing up towards the door. Clapping his hands together, Steven shot you a warm smile. "Nonsense! We were just finishing up here!" He then turned to his associate. You cursed your luck. "Shall we continue this next week?" Setting a time and date with the stranger, he turned back to you as his friend left the room. "Now then, may I have your name?" he innocently asked. You bit your cheek, before giving him one you had tossed around all night. Steven repeated it out loud, almost testing it on his tongue. "A lovely name you have! Now tell me," he began, and walked over to you, and leaned in close. "What's a beautiful thing like you doing wandering around where you shouldn't be?" he asked, gripping your chin in his hand, and tilting your head up. Your eyes widened at the

question. "What?" Steven laughed, and tightened his grip ever so slightly. "Don't act so naive. The restrooms are right next to the main hall, not this far into the building." he casually explained. "Now, what could a little trainer like you have been looking for?" he asked, a dangerous glint in his eyes. Slowly, you felt him back you into a wall, his grip never loosening. "I mean it! I was just looking for the restroom!" you pleaded, sweat beginning to form. This wasn't good. Steven's eyes narrowed, and he slammed a hand against the wall behind you, causing you to jump. "Don't lie to me. It's obvious." he demanded, all friendliness in his voice now gone. "It's Lance, isn't it? I saw you talking with him earlier. You two seemed rather close. Were you hoping to find something useful here in the rest of the building? Or were you here hoping to glean some information for his precious gang?" he asked. You stared at him, dumbfounded. Did he really think you were one of Lance's lackeys? Were they really on that bad of terms if he was this suspicious of you from just talking to the Kanto Champion? Why did he invite the other champion then? Questions quickly raced through your mind as you tried to piece everything together, nearly forgetting Steven until he spoke once more. "I watched you all night, you know." Steven stated, taking in your silence. That got your attention. Steven had been watching you? You know you felt eyes on you all night, but you had assumed it had been Lance... "Talking to all those trainers, giving them innocent smiles when asking all those questions. What's Lance after, huh? Does he really think I'm that weak that he can have his pretty little trainer walk in and ask whatever they want?" You were speechless. Were you really this rusty at scouting out a party? This damn mafia boss had managed to watch you the whole time without you being none the wiser to his presence? Steven didn't take your silence well, and gripped your throat tight with the hand that had held your chin. Instinctively, you reached up to try and pry his hand away, wincing at the grip. Steven punched the wall next to your head. "Answer me!" he demanded, his grip loosening just enough for you to respond. You sighed, and felt annoyance bubble up in your chest. You wouldn't be able to talk your way out of this one, not with how riled up Steven was. In an instant, your face dropped from fear, to pure annoyance. Steven almost seemed surprised at the action, before squeezing your neck ever so slightly. "I suggest you let go." you told him, feeling the room's temperature drop around you. Steven scoffed. "Oh? Don't act so tough. No one is here but us. Don't even bother reaching for your Pokemon either. I'll break your neck before you reach them." He threatened. You smirked back at him. "Are you sure about that? Would you like to bet on it?" you taunted. In that moment, you felt Steven's grip falter. The tension in the room, the temperature dropping, and your confidence putting him on edge. "What do you-" he began, before he was ripped away from you. Steven yelled in surprise as he was thrown against the wall. Feeling the air rush back into your lungs, you rubbed your neck with a bitter look on your face. "W-What the!? What is this!?" Steven cried out next to you, and you dusted yourself off before facing him. Pinned to the wall next to you, was Steven Stone, Darkrai gripping him tightly with his arms. Feeling all bits of your trainer persona drip away, you felt a wild grin form on your face. "Tsk tsk, did your father ever teach you manners? Didn't you ever learn not to threaten business partners?" you asked, circling the man, who's face only grew paler with each word. Steven took a moment to work up the courage to talk. "Business partners? Listen, I know Lance has been asking a lot lately-" he tried to ramble, but you cut him off. "I'm not one of Lance's little lackeys." You said with a slight growl. You worked alone. Steven's eyebrows rose in confusion. "Then, who...?" he asked weakly, Darkrai's

presence already effecting him deeply. You shook your head. "C'mon, Stone. Don't tell me you don't recognize your favorite business partner. After all..." you spoke, letting fake sadness drip from your voice. Walking up, you passed Darkrai, and gently placed a hand on his cheek. "You asked me to help secure your place as top dog in Hoenn. Did I not succeed?" you teased with a smile. Steven's eyes widened, and you could practically hear the gears turn in his head. "No... It couldn't possibly... Z...?" he asked weakly, eyes wide and unfocused. You patted his cheek, before spinning around, waving a hand. "Ding ding ding! Correct!" you said, turning to face him while clapping your hands. "Now tell me, Stone. How does it feel to be the first one to ever see the real me? Know what half my face looks like? What my voice sounds like?" you asked, enjoying the look of wonder and fear on his face. His answer, however, slightly surprised you. "You're gorgeous!" he said with such certainty, it threw you off a little bit. You took a moment to get a good look at him. His face, once pale, was bright red, and his breathing had picked up immensely. His eyes were still wide, but were completely blown as he took in your figure. He wasn't lying. With a 'hmph', you waved his compliment off. "Flattery will get you nowhere." Steven shook his head. "I mean it! You look gorgeous! I knew you were powerful, but seeing you like this-wow! The power, the grace, it's amazing!" he practically rambled to you. You simply raised a brow. Shaking your head, you frowned. "Save it. As interesting as your compliments are, you won't remember this later anyway." Steven tried to struggle, only for Darkrai to tighten his grip. "Wait! We can work something out, right? Anything you want, I can give it! We can make a deal!" Steven pleaded with you. Honestly, it was almost cute. Going from him threatening your life, to practically begging you for an out. As cute as it was, it wouldn't last. You couldn't let anyone get away with having seen too much of your real face, even if it was obscured. Slowly, you walked towards him, Steven hadn't stopped pleading for you to let him be. You thought he was simply begging for his life and memories. It was partially true, but not for the reasons you thought. Steven thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. He had watched you all night, hidden away from the crowd. He had been terribly upset at first when he saw Lance talking with you. Figures someone who catches his eyes would be with a rival group. After he had seen you with Lance, he had to leave, and happened upon an associate to talk to and clear his head. But now? Now that he knew who you were? He was one of the only people to have ever seen you in person? Ever heard your real voice? Steven was blown away, almost convinced this was a dream, only the painful grip your Darkrai had on him kept him grounded. You were already gorgeous, but now? The power and confidence you wielded? The elegance as you stalked around him like a predator, him happily your prey? It was intoxicating. He couldn't let this slip past. He could care less about knowing your actual identity. He didn't want this moment to be forgotten. However, after a pause, you turned to face him, and pulled out a pokeball. Your eyes seemingly glowed in the poorly lit room. "Mr. Stone, It was nice having this chat with you. Who knows? Maybe we'll do some business again in the future." You spoke, your voice cold like ice, but your expression almost seemed gleeful. Throwing the pokeball, a Hypno appeared, and slowly began walking towards Steven, who began trying to thrash in Darkrai's grip. "Wait, I mean it! Anything I have, it's yours!" he begged, eyes widening as Hypno drew closer. You simply tsked at his efforts. "Oh Steven, I already have everything I could ever need." Glancing to your Hypno, you gestured towards the pleading champion. "You know what to do." Steven didn't even have time to scream before Hypno put him under his trance, and began

locking his memories. You sighed, and had Darkrai drop a now-unconscious Steven. "What a mess... Let's go home." you ordered, not giving the unconscious man a second glance. You needed a nap. ---. Steven later woke up on the floor with a massive headache. The whole night was a blur, however... He was missing something. Something important. He recognized this feeling. The feeling of someone having messed with his head. He was furious, of course. No one messed with his memories and got away with it. Although Steven didn't know why, he felt desperate. He needed to find a Pokemon to sort through his head. Whatever he was missing, made his chest flutter and his stomach twist. Whatever memories were taken from him were important. He could feel it.

Yes some love for mob Steven!

I've been low-key rooting for him because he's the underdog of the AU.

Steven Stone has a lot of money and lots of money is usually means very dangerous also probably having the largest share in technology of the Pokemon world. And he's sexy like hello?!

Hdjeo

Mob!steven:* gives MC a rock*

Mc: tf is this?

Steven: it's Mewnium Z please marry me!!

[loracarol]

Friend invited me to go see Lightyear the other day; spoilery thoughts under the cut in no particular order.

I will say, I probably turned to my friend and whispered, "I Would Die For Sox", three or four times? (The theater was pretty empty and there was no one around us.)

I liked it. Probably won't go to see it in theaters again, but I liked it.

The music was lovely.

Chris Evens was lovely.

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR IS A GIANT FUCKING NERD LMAO

NEEEEEEEEERD

The puppy dog eyes lmao

He would have gone along with the new management until they tried to kill decommission his robot cat lmao

The newbie team!! I loved all of them!! Especially that old lady on parole.

Taika Waititi's character.... Can you imagine though, if your nerd, accountant friend/boyfriend/husband/whatever went on a fun scouting weekend thingy, and then aliens attacked while he was outside of the safety bubble and you think he's probably dead but you hope not but you're pretty and then the bad guy is defeated and everyone is safe and your nerd shows up and is like, "oh actually I helped!! with a pen!! and now I'm joining fictional NASA to be a space ranger." Like???

Bless him

I'm not an animation person, but I thought that the hair on the Black characters was well done? Like, texture wise, and it looked, to me, like the light reflection was done correctly for the hair texture.

Izzy is wonderful and I loved her. I would watch a sequel movie just about her tbh.

I get why they didn't do the whole "Zurg is Lightyear's father" thing like from Toy Story 2; in that movie it felt like an obvious Star Wars joke. In the Toy Story universe, Star Wars had been out for ~20 years, and out of it it's been out for over 40? Years? If they played that straight either in or out of universe, it would feel less like a funny joke and more like a blatant rip-off.

As for the lesbian character

Is this Bury Your Gays? On one hand, she does die relatively early into the movie, but that's due to time dilation shenanigans; in universe she dies at like, 70 or 80 with a loving family, a kid and a grand kid. Buzz is the one that misses her life due to time dilation, she's still there living it.

Anyone mad about it for homophobic reasons.... You're fucking stupid

Basically, Buzz keeps trying to fix his mistake which involves doing a bunch of experimental space flights that mess with time dilation and he refuses to give up; we see time going by by him seeing Alisha and her wife's lives change - once when he comes back, they're engaged, once married, once pregnant, once congratulating kid for graduation, etc.

At one point, Alisha tells Buzz that she probably would never have met her wife, Kiko, if Buzz hadn't messed up in the first place and landed them all on this island. Put a pin in that.

Also, when Alisha says she's engaged, Buzz immediately asks who "she" is, so Alisha was already out/comfortable with Buzz knowing, which I thought I was cute.

One could argue that her example of lesbian love is what literally saves the day in the end; the bad guy has Buzz convinced that they can go back in time and fix everything. Buzz is tempted, but then he remembers that that would destroy Alisha's happy life with Kiko and he can't bring himself to go through with it. It's literally thinking about Alisha's lesbian life that saves the day.

I mean, could I write an academic paper on this? No. Do I think it was intentional? It's Disney. But if you told me to make a 5 minute improvisational speech about it, I think I could do it.

It's a cute movie. I enjoyed it.

[themultifandomgal]

Temptation Pt31

Temptation Masterlist

Just before we leave Sam comes over to give us a note from Alice and Jasper

"They've left us"

"Why?" Rose frowns

"It doesn't say" why would they leave at the time we need them the most?

"Can I see that?" Bella takes the note and reads it

"Let's not question them. There is obviously a reason"

"Babe we have to go" Emmett takes my hand

"We will see you guys soon. Ness" I crouch down to the little girl who is basically my niece "when you meet the Denalis, don't be frightened. They just don't know you yet, but once they do, they will love you"

"I'll miss you Auntie Kat" it's not very often Ness speaks so when she does you better listen to her

"I'll miss you as well. I'll see you soon" I place a kiss on her forehead

"See you soon kiddo" Emmett ruffles up her hair and we head off.

"I hated the first British Invasion and I hate the second one even more" Garrett has a man against a wall with his hand around his neck

"Really Garrett?" I raise a brow at him

"Even the Beatles?" Emmett asks

"Didn't anyone tell you not to play with your food?"

"Food?" the man squeals

"Old habits die hard"

"Carlisle needs you" Emmett says. Garrett drops the man on the floor

"Sounds interesting, but first I better finish my meal.."

"Help" the man yells. Garrett then has his 'meal'.

On the way home we told him at Ness and once he met her he was shown what we were telling him the plane ride back. By the time we got back there were many of or friends at our house. This made more of the Quileutes turn. Meaning Jacob and I had to go out and calm them down. My wolf needed an outlet more so than ever since turning again. I would often have to run in my wolf form with Jacob. Out of everyone, Alistair is the most unpredictable, he's not a people person.

While mingling with the other vampires I smell 2 that weren't invited. Knowing Jake is off with the newly turned wolves I was the only one around. I take off my clothes, leaving just my underwear on before shifting into my white wolf

"So she finally turned" I hear Kate say to Emmett. I look around to where theses rouge vampires are going to come from, Ness behind me the whole time with Emmett next to her. I push Ness into the house using my nose, Rose and Thomas following. The rest of us run to where the vampires are. I growl at them when I see them

"Vladimir, Stefan" Carlisle greats them "your a long way from home"

"What are they doing here?" Kate says to Eleazar

"We heard the Volturi were moving against you, but that you would not stand alone" Vladimir states, his thick Romanian accent (are they Romanian or Russian?)

"We didn't do what we were accused off" Carlisle shouts up at them as they sit in a tree

"We do not care what you did Carlisle"

"We've been waiting a millennium for the Italian scum to be challenged" Stefan now speaks

"It's not our plan to fight the Volturi"

"Shame. Aro's witnesses will be most disappointed"

"They enjoy a good fight" the 2 vampires talk to each other

"Aro's witnesses?" Eleazar walks forward

"Aww still hoping they'll listen?" Vladimir speaks making me growl at him.

"When Aro wants someone from a coven it's never long before evidence turns up proving that coven committed some crime" Eleazar speaks when we return to the house

"So he's done this before?" Bella asks

"It happens to rarely, I never realised it was a pattern" Eleazar continues

"Apparently he always pardons one person whose thoughts he claims are repentant" Carlisle now says

"This person always has an ability"

"Alice" I mutter realising "he's got no one like her. That's why she's left"

"But why does he need witnesses?" Emmett asks

"To spread the word justice has been served" Alistair now adds into the conversation "after he slaughters an entire coven"

"Benjamin, Tia, we're leaving" Amun announces

"And where will you go? what's makes you think they will be satisfied with Alice? what's to stop them from going after Benjamin next? or Zafrina or Kate, or anyone else with a gift. Their goal isn't punishment is power, acquisition. Look Carlisle won't ask you to fight, but I will. For the sake of not only my family, but also for yours and the way you want to live" Edward finishes his speech. Emmett takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. The room is silent until Jacob stands up

"The packs will fight. We've never been afraid of vampires" I smile at Jacob

"We will fight" Tanya stands with her sisters behind her

"This won't be the first time I fought against a kings rule" Garrett also stands

"We'll join you" Benjamin states holding Tia's hand

"No"

"I will do the right thing Amun. You may do as you please" this sets a chain reaction to all the other vampires letting us know they will stand with out family and fight. Alistair retreats back up to the attic letting Carlisle know that we will see where he stands when it comes down to it.