#basically a more evil isaac lmao

[beevean]

This is more or less the direction I took game Hector in relation to Isaac :P and dracula to a more complicated extent

It makes sense. They were both very unlucky, although Isaac was a victim too, one who perpetuated the cycle of abuse by being distant, aggressive and demanding in his profound insecurity: in my vision, it took some years for Hector to understand that Isaac was no angel nor devil, just a poor unfortunate boy like he was, and they cared for each other and he misses him but they were not good for each other.

Lenore has more in common with Dracula in this regard, having all of the power over Hector - and that's what could have made their relationship in S4 so intriguing from this point of view, that no matter how "nice" she acted by keeping him company, she was still his mistress and jailer and he did not choose to stay with her of his own volition, and by the time he did, he did so because he literally had nothing left in his life. It was a fake, hollow relationship, but it was better than nothing. Kind of like in the games, Dracula offered Hector conditional love, "I will welcome you here and keep you safe and praise you as long as you become my weapon", and he accepted because conditional love is still love. Lenore and Dracula gave the two Hectors crumbs of what real love is, but for a starved person, that is a feast.

Going back to the show, the frustrating part is not really the abusive relationship, but how cowardly the writing was. We all know the drill, the show forgot that Lenore was a cruel manipulator who raped Hector into slavery and wanted us to find their banter cute, Hector's choice to stay with her romantic, and her suicide a tragic loss. I pointed out how Hector simply doesn't have any feelings because the writing is more focused on making us feel sorry for Lenore and the fact that she was sidelined and all, as if her feelings of uselessness were more important that Hector coping with yet another instance of betrayal and imprisonment. It accidentally implied that Hector was happy about being raped into slavery because the gilded cage was comfortable, and he wasn't wrong in thinking so. And, of course, in a finale where everyone got what they wanted Dracula included, Hector was simply let with nothing but a roof on his head and a tentative ally, not having grown at all after all the torture he was put through.

If you (general) want to write delicate themes like abuse and manipulation and the lengths a human can go through to feel loved, commit. If you want to write a morally grey character that combines kindness and evil much like a human would, commit. But that would require sensitivity.

Lenore and Rosaly really are opposites, in the same way Lenore is meant to be an evil (show) Hector while Rosaly is meant to incarnate all the goodness (game) Hector had never experienced. Lenore is a bungle of lies and deceit and masks, she wears the disguise of a loving woman not knowing the first thing about love (perhaps not by her own fault: she is still a vampire, and vampires are inherently predators, again Carmilla's quote about vampiric love is perfect), while Rosaly is incorruptible pureness and innocence, perhaps to a fault, but it's precisely what the jaded Hector needs at that moment. She is what Lenore can only imitate.

Anyway all of this to say that I'm excited for your ideas and the scene where Hector confronts a mirage of Lenore reminds me of game Hector telling Dracula off in CoD which I love love love :'D

Hot take: Lenector is a much more interesting, compelling ship if you see it from the optics of two fucked up people hurting each other and stuck in a toxic, codependent relationship

I was wondering why Lenore was kept in the castle as a prisoner after Isaac conquered it. She's doing nothing. Isaac, who has vanished in thin air, doesn't seem to be wanting to ask her for help when he's a young inexperienced king who only got a kingdom by stealing the throne and she is one of the former queens and highly skilled in commerce - sure, probably she would have told him to go fuck himself, but had he asked her for help it would have been a good way to show that he was serious in his intention to build a kingdom. Basically Lenore is just a depressed mouth to feed (with Hector's blood, I presume, the stash won't last forever, not that the show ever touches on the idea of her parasitically feeding on her pet as exchange for his safety). She is not a threat. She doesn't want to do anything dangerous. And had she not killed herself, she would have outlived her jailers anyway and left free to regain control of the kingdom or do anything else she wanted. So, why isn't she let go?

Because Hector wants her there. For no reason other than, well, he has nothing left in his life. He was planning to die, but Isaac took it away from him, so he was left confused and lost and clung to his only certainty in his life, the woman who abused him but also kept him safe when no one else did. Even after physically freeing himself of her and mutilating himself, he did not mentally break free. He did not gain the courage to face the world, he was kept too sheltered.

Why doesn't she try to run away? Well, she has nothing left in her life but Hector. The same man who destroyed her life for no good reason, but also the same man who was willing to listen to her no matter what and never saw her as a stupid useless girl. Maybe she resents him, but hey, it's what she deserves after what she did, right? (assuming she has enough conscience to think so; in my ideal version she has, but she's too much of a coward to acknowledge it, remember "oh shush you were having fun")

I made a post a while ago where I compared Hector keeping Lenore safe during Isaac's assault on the castle to Hector refusing to kill Isaac in PtR, leaving him to witness the castle's fall. I said that in the latter's case, it's hard to say if Hector spared Isaac out of friendship or out of superiority. And if there were ulterior motives for show Hector's cruel mercy, it could have been brilliant. Finally, we're seeing the twisted Hector who resurrects dead animals because he wants pets because he just wants to be loved.

Hector is keeping Lenore as his prisoner not out of revenge, which never seems to cross his mind, but because he wants her as company. No matter how she or Isaac feel about it. After all, she never cared how he felt, and it's not like he knows much about love, so he's just imitating her brand of vampire love, the love you show by keeping things as close to you as you can :) underneath his kind demeanor, don't forget how selfish and out-of-touch with people he is.

Hector and Lenore are nothing more than tools without drive or direction. Hector only wants safety, and Lenore only wants comfort. They found it in each other. But it's not love what ties them. Not real, healthy human love anyway. They are miserable together, but they have no one else, and they are going to sink their claws in each other out of desperation and craving of human warmth that they cannot give to each other because they keep lying to each other in an effort to precisely mimicry that companionship.

This also ties with my idea that Hector would be filled with resentment for how cruelly Lenore broke his heart, but putting up a façade of politeness, and Lenore would be aware that he's not happy, but like I said she's too much of a coward to address it, so she puts up a façade of playfulness in hopes that eventually he'll get over it. He doesn't. He never grows to love her, only to depend on her. And Lenore never learns how to love as a human, she always sees Hector as her pet, a cherished one but a pet nonetheless. Which is why the situation of imprisonment drives her mad: she should have power, damn it! But she lost it. She only has Hector now.

They bonded through lies, deceit and betrayal, their relationship is nothing but toxic and the pretense of happiness is barely surface deep, and this would have been so cool if the writer did not spend so much time pretending she's a poor widdle girl who did nothing wrong

listen i just love relationships between two unwell people built on codependency and the primal need for each other no matter how unhealthy it is, it's why game Isaactor makes me go all 👀

(also yes in this sense Lenore killing herself makes more sense. She feels worthless, she is removing herself from the picture because she refuses to cope with her uncomfortableness and to free Hector from her toxic self. Without her, Hector is finally free to face the world. Or, since I would like Hector to have agency for once, they could just go their own separate ways, I don't want her to die, I just want Hector to grow, something he didn't do in the show.)

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Writer Interview Tag

Thanks for the tags, @darkurgetrash and @kimberbohwrites <3 I really enjoyed reading yours! I tag… hmmm, who hasn’t done it yet? @dutifullylazybread @commander-krios and @redroomroaving ? (And consider this a free tag if you want it!)

When did you start writing?

I honestly couldn’t say when my very first act of creative writing was, I feel like I’ve been writing on and off my whole life (barring like 5 years from 16-21). When I was 8 or 9 is the first I really remember though. I kept a diary religiously at that time (yes, it’s hilarious), and also attempted several stories that went nowhere, including a glorious portal fantasy about two children who are isekai’d into a kingdom of cats and have to face off against an evil cat stealing wizard. As you can tell, I love cats, lmao. And I have always loved portal fantasies and isekai. A through-line all the way to Planar Tears!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Oooh. Well, there are very few genres I *wouldn’t* read, and I’ve only written so much, so I suppose most genres currently sit in this pile for me? I can’t really see myself writing original sci-fi, despite loving it as a genre, because I think it really lives or dies on having an excellent concept more than a lot of other forms of fiction. Short of being struck with a lightning bolt of inspiration, I think I’d lack purpose. But I love, love, love science fiction. Isaac Asimov, Philip K Dick, N.K. Jemisin, Octavia Butler, John Wyndham, Marge Piercy, Ted Chiang… all of these SF authors’ stories have a place in my heart.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No-one has yet compared me to anyone. I often realise that I’m going a little too Austen in my work, and gently push myself to modernise - but I guess that speaks to the fact that whilst I admire her, I don’t want to exactly emulate her? I love the way she gently teases her characters, the way she makes clear the contrast between what they believe and what’s actually true without being cruel. But I don’t want to write a pastiche.

On the other end of the spectrum, I recently re-read My Year of Rest and Relaxation and was reminded of how much I love Otessa Moshfegh’s cold, somewhat brutal cataloguing of the world around her character; her sparse but vivid imagery (casting aside a pair of shoes like “dead crows”) and her unlikeable but extremely readable MC. I should read more of her work!

Basically, I love to read and have a wide spectrum of influences, but I’m not aiming to emulate any single one of them. I would say my writing swings between archaic and more efficient depending on whether I’ve read classic or modern literature most recently, because I love both.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have many. On my phone anywhere - especially the commute - and at home on a laptop, either sat at our dining table (we live in a rental flat in an expensive city, a proper desk would be a luxury), or on the sofa with my girlfriend and flatmate sometimes contributing "suggestions" lol. If I'm in a writing phase, which I have been for a year - every space is a writing space.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hmmm. I am rarely in a completely creatively fallow period - unless I'm just straight up obsessed with a game/TV show/the gym, in which case I'm busy having a good time in other ways - but I'm not always in the writing zone. I like textile crafts and sewing, and art hobbies generally. I guess that is to say, if the writing muse is not present, I rarely miss it; I'm probably thinking about something else.

(Barring the times when my mental health is fucked, but even then, I'm probably throwing myself really hard into a hobby as a distraction. I'm an all or nothing person). When I'm struggling with writer's block on say, a chapter of a long fic, it's usually because it's not quite headed in the right direction, and I need to backtrack, take stock of where my characters are emotionally, and try again in a different direction. Honestly... I know it's advised against by some, but sometimes I just have to sit down and make myself write just to figure out what's wrong. Just do it, and rip it up later if you have to. (**put it in a separate doc in case you can use it elsewhere. you probably wrote it for a reason. DO NOT TILT OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AND DELETE YOUR SHIT, NO MATTER HOW FRUSTRATING).

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Number one is “coming to terms with making mistakes in your vocation, and recognising that you are more than your talent at it.” It’s the reason that draws me to Rolan in the first place, because it mirrors my own life experiences very closely. I was somewhat picked on and harassed in school (shit that many of us have experienced) and built my whole personality around being smart and having my life planned out as a shield against it. I was going to do [thing], I was really good at it, and it was all clear. Not to mention I loved this subject. So when I got into a prestigious university my life was sorted, right? Except... all of the hideous self-esteem issues and perfectionism I'd been papering over came crashing down all at once, and I was in an incredibly unforgiving environment, in a very male-dominated subject where other (male) students would literally be like huh, isn't it weird more women don't study this subject? Why do YOU think that is? I felt like I was worthless, stupid and useless, and that I stuck out like a sore thumb - and I was carrying the weight of every woman who wanted to do my subject and was afraid they weren't good enough. My life plans crumbled before my eyes, and I was severely depressed, alongside other health issues - which my uni did not give two fucks about, at all.

Which is to say, I draw many parallels between my own arc and Rolan's - being an outsider, the precarity of having your own talent validated only to have your entire future rest on it, and being vulnerable to really shitty messaging about how hard I should be working and how it was obviously my fault if I wasn't succeeding already, when they were one of the best universities around. And then I realised I was writing similar experiences with Catrin and SW Tav - discovering, and appreciating, that you're more than this one crutch you cling to, this singular skill that you desperately need to hold you above the maelstrom of life. And I promise that, like Rolan, this has a happy ending - I personally took some years out after battling through undergrad, faced my demons, and returned to the subject that I loved as a far more well-rounded person, better equipped to deal with failure. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. I'm neurotic and perfectionistic and all the rest. And that's probably why I keep writing, and exploring this theme - to remind myself that I want to avoid that trap, and to deal with the ways I feel when I'm in it. I was gonna write about kink here too, but I think this is enough, lol.

What is your reason for writing?

Joy. I love exercising my creative drive. And I love re-reading what I've written!

Obsession. These fuckers, these plot points, occupy every spare inch of brain and will not stop until I vent them.

Learning. Honing my skills is a frustration and a pleasure.

Connection. I'm so, so grateful to have people who read and care about my work. It means the world.

Horny. Um. Yeah. I have no further explanation for this one lmao. Except. Fantasies are amazing, but then writing them down makes them even better because now you're really thinking about the specifics and those specifics come to mind more easily next time you're [REDACTED. CABBAGE STOP. ENOUGH!!!]

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I can’t pick just one! A balanced diet of comments is the best ;)

I joke but - I love them all. Shouting about the plot? You're invested, and I'm grateful. "Additional kudos" twenty chapters in? You've stuck with me this far, and I'm grateful. I guess if I had to pick a few:

1. Strong emotional responses. Kicking my feet/biting my keyboard/stressed/blushing/screaming - whatever fits the mood of the scene. I’m so happy my writing evoked strong feelings. That’s a good chunk of the point, right?

2. Writing analysis. Picking out individual lines or highlighting certain aspects - characterisation, dramatic tension, etc. The day someone said that I "had a knack for showing character in a single action" and then provided examples, I nearly exploded. Augh. I particularly love comments on my OCs because they're especially precious to me. My own brain children, and you LIKE them? heaven for reader. heaven for reader for 1000 years.

3. “I should be sleeping but instead I read this” AND I AM KISSING YOU. That’s all.

4. Just straight up compliments. "I love this" thank you I'm crying. ahhhhhhh. Cute lil kudos graphics (you know who you are). I'm over the moon you enjoy my work. <3

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Well, I know for certain that a large swathe of my readers perceive me as “the one who writes good subby Rolan porn” and frankly? I love that reputation. If nobody appreciated the SFW elements of my work, I might feel differently, because thoughtful storytelling is also really important to me - but I feel seen in that regard too, so I can delight in knowing my writing has a distinctive flavour. Kinky chilli ice cream, spicy and sweet.

I would also love to hope my readers think of me fondly when they get the next long fic email, and are excited to continue the story. Oh, and I hope my readers enjoy chatting in my comment section, because I do. All I can aim for is to be the friendly author who "rites gud". Fingers crossed I meet that bar :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

You know what? I might not have said this once upon a time, but I actually think I’m pretty decent at plotting. I think I wind various threads together quite well, and with purpose.

I think I’m pretty good at observing character too. I hope. I’ve written so much Rolan that he’s really taken on a life of his own, but I do often rewatch his cutscenes (I know, such a chore 😉) and think I have a good sense for him. I also think that although Catrin started out difficult to write, I developed a very distinct character for her too, which I’m glad about.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

90% of what I’m writing is for me. I want it to be the best it can be, for me; I want it to cover the themes I care about. I want to tell the story in my head. Before BG3, I wrote for a teeny tiny fandom, inaugurating its fandom tag, and that inoculated me a little against writing for stats because well, thirty kudos felt like an INCREDIBLE achievement in that fandom.

Also, I want to write my kinky filth and not dilute it. That means actively CHOOSING not to worry about whether people are put off, because they absolutely, certainly will be in cases.

However, I do also care about my readers; I love comments and I want to give them the best story I can. I really enjoy my NSFW prompts; since my tumblr connections know the baseline of what I’m into, they can throw out AMAZING ideas that I love writing and am deeply grateful for. I’ve also definitely pushed harder on fics and oneshots because I knew a particular commenter or mutual was super excited for them ❤️ (shout out to my piss kink cheerleader lol, and everyone who has kindly - or ferally - expressed interest in my longfics).

How do you feel about your own writing?

Mostly very good! I do struggle with writer’s block sometimes, but my particular combination of perfectionism and obstinacy means I don’t tend to publish my work until I’m happy with it. I can see imperfections in my work, especially my past work, but I do genuinely enjoy the process of learning even if it frustrates me sometimes. I really enjoy re-reading what I’ve written later, because by the time it gets out there into the world, I’ve always beaten it into something I’m proud of.

I can't deny that I do, occasionally, get bitten by the little green monster though. Seeing someone else's Rolan writing get called "the best" or whatever has me nursing a tiny stab of pain. And I know it's valid - I'm not *the* best writer of all time, I'm just writing my reasonably-good stories out here, but I can't deny that small oof. (I'm tipsy so you're getting rather honest Cabbage tonight). I'm also very aware that I get many wonderful comments and treasure them, so I just accept my limitations a bit and try not to think too much about other peoples' writing that is along similar lines to my own. You're all writing beautiful stuff and I support you, but I will go NUTS if I spend my life reading closely-related fic. (If I have read your fic, know I fought my inner demons to do it, lol). Idk. I write what I want to write, as well as I can, and I'm grateful that people want to read it. Seriously. You have no idea how much every bookmark and subscription and lovely comment mean to me <3 And all I can do is my best to master this lovely art form and carve out from the marble an approximation of what I see in my head.

[the-crow-binary]

So I return the favor: your top 10 reasons you fell into Hecula hell? 👀💖

>:)

10- You. (you know what you did. >:<)

9- The parallels with Hector being like a "good" version of Dracula (with his own shades of gray <3)

8- Dracula seeing Hector as his creation :) And his best, thus far, considering how he favors him and made him his protégé :)

7- The power imbalance. Dracula is the Dark Lord, the most powerful evil being, Hector's master and father figure. Hector is just the boy who asked him for power and a home and love and who has no one else but him. <3 Unlike ISAAC, Dracula actually loves him over anyone else...

6- I lied, he doesn't. Lol. Dracula loves himself more. <3 (what is it with Hector and falling for men who prefers Dracula lmfao trevor don't you dare) And what he loves in Hector are things he sees as being the result of his doing, his teachings. Because he got a big ego and barely sees Hector as his own person <3 The fact that, once the possibility that Hector might have betrayed him, his first reaction was to ask for him back so he could basically torture him (turn him into a demon to drink sewage forever), while at the SAME TIME, "hope that [he is] mistaken" and is like "if he's dead, it's fine", shows that though he cares deeply enough to hope Hector didn't betray him... it's not deeply enough to be sad about him dying (or at least, not too much. just as sad as one would be in front of their broken toy :3). Or even start to forgive him for going against him. :) How dare he? Did he really thought he was important enough to be allowed that? That he had agency? Lol, lmao. Learn your place, love. <3

5- Dracula is a manipulative bastard (affectionate). Because Hector was never loved by any of his parents, and straight up ignored by his father, AND no one liked him outside of them anyway, he has no idea how healthy relationships looks like and what parental love should be like. So when he arrived in the Castle, he was like a blank paper-sheet, waiting for Dracula to write whatever he wanted in it :)

4- Hector doesn't have anyone else to love and be loved by <3 (he used to think he had Isaac, before he realizes how Dracula-centered he was. lol) No one showed him true passion like Dracula did :)

3- Even though he has all the good reasons to be completely brainwashed and convinced Dracula is the best and 100% right in everything, Hector somehow isn't. :) He still has his strong character, his boldness, his convictions. And even if he clearly loves Dracula and fear him all the same, he still finds the courage to go against him. Particularly like the version where he begs on his knees for Dracula to stop, thinking he might listen to him, only to get coldly ignored <3

2- Hector is Dracula's specialest boy and it can be literally so cute but can also be so fucked up especially since [insert number 6]🥺

1- Dehumanization... or the attempt at it :) Dracula doesn't love Hector for the person he is, but what he made out of him, and what he can give him. :) A replacement for his late wife? <3 A body to use as he see fit? <3 A general to lead his war for him? <3 A companion when he wants to rest? <3 Or a voice to listen to when he wants to relax? <3 Anything he wants out of Hector, he gets it. And it doesn't matter if he wants or not, it doesn't matter what he feels, he became his the moment he step foot in his Castle. The only moment Hector's feelings matters are when Dracula can use them for his own benefit and manipulate him <3 And yet Hector keep fighting back, fighting for his identity, for his humanity. Yes he has his moments of weakness, of helplessness in Dracula's arms... but he never truly lost what made him Hector. We all know how that ship end >:)

And then ofc there's your top and the 11th reason because there's too many to explain why I fell into this hell to be able to resume it into one top <3

Oh and before i forget

0- The pseudo-incestuous undertones that are EVERYWHERE

[jewishbarbies]

Talk dirty to me (tell me about your novel please it sounds really cool)

actual pic of me seeing this ask in my inbox

(putting it below a cut)

the basic premise is the main character is a bi woman with magic powers (think scarlet witch as a visual) who's been cursed with immortality and is on a mission to kill every member of a hate group that are targeting her and all folkloric people possible. she stumbles into a mandalorian/baby yoda situation with a teen werewolf, and is tasked with getting him home after saving him from his kidnappers. she's over 200 years old at the time it starts and is Done with life, but the detour with the kid ends up unraveling everything she thought she knew about her world, in the end changing her for the better. there's a bit of a curve ball though because the love of her life whom she thought was dead, comes back into the picture as a soulless vampire known for the brutality of his kills and she has to reconcile with that (very lovers to enemies to lovers). the main antagonist is a lesbian witch turned evil after the execution of her lover in the tudor period, and she's doing everything she can to resurrect her lover all these years later by manipulating the mc (if you've watched ouat, regina and daniel are a good example of what i'm going for). it's a lot more complicated than i'm making it sound but i don't wanna get too into it and spoil the whole thing lmao.

There's so much about this story that's very special to me, but I've included a lot inspired by my judaism and my journey with life in general, including my worldview and sexuality. the werewolf characters are entirely jewish and i think it'll be easy for people to understand the meaning behind it when they get the full story. (if you want more info on them, i can spill)

the main cast of characters would look like Danielle Galligan as the mc, Milo Manhaim as the werewolf teen, Bill Skarsgard as the vampire lover, Florence Pugh as the antagonist, and Jason Isaacs as a morally grey werewolf.

[good-vs-evo]

got tagged by both of u so! here we go!

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? it's a silly little play on "good verses evil", based on the way i pronounce my name!

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. uh. ahem. @ev-writes-things is my writing sideblog, @cafe-for-palestine is a sideblog i run with my friend to fundraise for palestine, and then there are three others we do not speak of

3. how long have you been on tumblr? uhhh. counts backwards. 2018...? or 2017!

4. do you have a queue tag? i know what a queue tag is but i do NOT

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? haha. the first version of this blog was a asoue fanblog... then it kinda spiraled! i got tumblr because both of my sisters did ^^ and i'm the only one still here...

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? my friend drew it for me! ily @deliwobbe

7. why did you choose your header? wangxian,,, and it matched the green aesthetic hehe

8. what’s your post with the most notes? CLEARS THROAT LMAO IT'S MY BIG NONSENSE TGCF MULTISHIPPING POST... and maybe the post abt hualian...

9. how many mutuals do you have? i haven't counted them ummm... def around 20, maybe more? and there's a few i don't rlly interact with as much hdfshdjf

10. how many followers do you have? 111, the last time i checked hehe

11. how many people do you follow? a lot. i

12. have you ever made a shitpost? basically constantly actually. like all the time.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? i'm not sure... it used to be a lot more but i got busier with g4g stuff!!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nahhh

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts 50/50, it's a toss up lol

16. do you like tag games? what if i said no LMAO NAH they're fun :D

17. do you like ask games? they're awesome but my ask box is a black hole

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea. maybe @astrowaffles? because vhas knew them already... and my artist friend but they. technically don't follow me HELP

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? probably not idk

20. what is the last song you listened to? listening to main character by will wood literally rn LMAO

21. what are you currently watching? the untamed C: and link click!

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? why is sour not an option :( prob savoury!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? (said with reluctance) tgcf...

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

take it or leave it by COIN

burn like a star by ahn ye eun and woo ye rin

unrestrained (the untamed closing theme lol)

60's baby by kidsnot$aints

is this what love is? by wasia project

backseat girl by isaac dunbar

sunburn by spill tab

ruler of my heart by bl8m

海岸引力 by 翟瀟聞 (had to copy paste that from spotify help)

STOP VHAS WHY DID U TAG ALL OF THE PEOPLE I EVER SPOKE TO THATS EVIL is this payback. fine.

summoning some of u back to tumblr (stares cae down /lh) @caeprus @deliwobbe @stellarhangout @muigiel @osamosa11 @littlemissmedicalmalpractice @gxlexii @yeyayeya and yeah that's basically everyone i know,,, no pressure guys!! :D

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

(thank you for the tag @lianhuajing !!)

1. why did you choose your url? uh. it was a play on "rose tinted glasses"

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. nope!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? I think 2022? i knew about it before, just never bothered to make a blog

4. do you have a queue tag? don't kill me, what's a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I had some Thoughts about Blue Lock and wanted to post meta for it

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? uhh Flora.

7. why did you choose your header? Reo is one of my Blorbos and I just really liked that panel of him

8. what’s your post with the most notes? probably the "do you download fics" poll

9. how many mutuals do you have? about 20? i don't remember

10. how many followers do you have? 120?

11. how many people do you follow? 91

12. have you ever made a shitpost? yes. i think.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? an hour?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nope

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts meh. some of them are funny i guess

16. do you like tag games? yep! it's nice interaction

17. do you like ask games? i do! but uh. it's a silent empty void here. an echo chamber, if you will.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea but i see @kingsandbastardz a lot in the mlc community

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope

20. what is the last song you listened to? 若梦 by 周深

21. what are you currently watching? i just finished The Double! probably starting on Dashing Youth next

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? savoury!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? The Double,,,,

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

若梦 by 周深

如故 by 张碧晨

如初 by 张碧晨

借过一下 by 周深

万物不如你 by 张杰

Our dawn is hotter than day by Seventeen

Hitorijana by Seventeen

my music taste is kinda...i tend to stick to a few artists...

26. tagging (no obligation to do this!) @randomingoftherandomness @good-vs-evo @chrysofightme @bbcphile

[chipchopclipclop]

If you don't mind, could you tell us about Isaac and his husband and daughter? They're soooooooooooo cute

I CAN ACTUALLY LMAO my scrimbly bimblos.....

isaac (my old man of a ripe 52) is a disgraced wizard scholar who practices magic without a license undercover (read: with fake documents) after he accidentally blew up a wing of his old university practicing some weird unstable evocation magic like 5 years ago. he then ran away with his family from the wizard police and has been on the run with them since. he also runs off now and then from their now established home for stretches of time, to make money doing weird adventurer bullshit to provide for his hubby and daughter.

speaking of, his hubby is named nir (short for voginir) and is a demon king he married 20 years ago, who is now a stay at home househusband (his true form is alot taller huge and intimidating than his dilf one) he’s a perfectionist who takes pride in his domestic chores and spends time splitting firewood with his claw hand and knitting. his few remaining demonic subordinates often comment fatherhood very much suits him, especially considering his lifelong soft spot for children. able to change his disguised form at will, he actively ages his more human looking one alongside isaac as he ages so they can ‘grow old together’ in a sense (getting nauseous as i type this out)

their daughter’s named aranea (isaac calls her arty) shes 8, upbeat, giggly, curious and loves attention. she often gets nir and isaac to cave to her demands by making big 🥺 faces at them. with a demon lord and a wizard felon for parents it makes sense where the confidence behind many of her outlandish actions comes from.

as to how nir and isaac met, during his university scholar days, isaac stumbled upon nir’s evil lair (cool evil mansion with some dungeons) on a lone man investigation of a nearby island (floating island, everythings on floating islands in this universe lmao) in his thirties and ended up getting kidnapped and thrown into his dungeon.

nir at this point is a headstrong brute (still is tbh) though he wasn't without his own personal code of honour, hating liars and cheats and ambushes more than anything else. he had broke away from his previous warmongering demon group due to how often he’d butt heads with superiors and has been striking it out alone making a name for himself as an ominous threat on some mostly uninhabited island in the sky. he loves himself a bloodthirsty quest for conquest though and has been capturing randoms, fighting to the death, torturing maiming killing and just having a great time (as a self described demon lord is want to do)

he planned to just that with newly captured isaac but isaac seemed to be immediately intrigued by the situation and his new surroundings as opposed to terrified or unnerved, throwing a spanner in the works of nir’s usual routine. isaac would talk nonstop, asking questions about anything within his view to better understand their function (as well as about nir’s heritage and wow your claws are incredible, and what a handsome demon skull you have, were your parents also this large-)

nir for some reason found this endearing (why...? who knows) and decided against killing him, he released him, no longer desiring to do the whole song and dance as usual simply deflating and going, well okay little man on your way now. isaac however stuck around (like a freak) eager to learn everything about the place as well as the man who supposedly conquered it.

this led to that and after suddenly receiving this weird new roomate and causing a bunch of romcom hijinks, nir thought to himself "i want to have this guy's kids i think" (this is how all relationships normally progress right). they soon become a lovey dovey couple as isaac was basically smitten at first sight. isaac then remembers however that he actually has a life and a job and whatnot and is like he should probably get back to that.

nir however now (strangely) attached to isaac, decides to simply go along with him back to where he lived, finding being near him much more interesting than the murder and maiming he’s doing for a couple hundred years straight now. to not unnerve people they decided to have nir change into a sort of Regular Guy Form 95% of the time now that looked more human, the typical cover for his looks is he’s simply got a bit of dragon blood in him.

when they returned they were soon wed after, isaac excitedly inviting all his colleagues who were all still reeling from his sudden long disappearance to the function (they all reasoned after with one another that it was all probably just some romantic rendezvous…)

[horde-princess]

jesus/adora meta pwease 👉👈😳

okayokay ive been thinking about this for a long time and the reason ive never written about it is because like. its so BIG. i like to think of adora’s character as a reflection of noelle’s experiences as a former christian, and there is still so much to dive into with that- however i do agree there’s another more abstract layer to adora’s story that challenges some bigger theological ideas. this is probably about to sound wild lksjljfdf i’ll try my best to explain my thought process just disclaimer that it will not make any sense 😌 when do my metas ever make sense tbh. U KNOW WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR WHEN YOU FOLLOWED ME BYE

Parallel 1: There’s at least one jesus/adora parallel that’s undeniable and that’s the whole ancient prophesied messiah thing. this wasn’t in the original motu lore so you know it was added for a reason.

Parallel 2: Adora was raised by shadow weaver and light hope to be a willing sacrificial lamb.. the isaac to their abrahams. her faith in god (aka her allegiance to the horde / first ones) demanded that she sacrifice herself to save the world.

i think these 2 parallels provide sufficient evidence to move on with this analysis but later i wanna mention some of the more specific details bc they are super interesting! but yeah for now--there was clearly some theme going on here about subverting the story of jesus... adora was given a divine destiny to save etheria, but save it from what? and why does it matter?

She-Ra criticizes the penal substitutionary atonement theory

what the fuck is that right lsdfdkj I WARNED YOU THIS WAS GONNA BE ABOUT THEOLOGY

ok basically. evangelical christians like to say that jesus died to save us from our sins, but what they actually believe is that jesus died in our place to save us from god’s wrath. that’s an important difference. let me uhh put it another way

god defined sin (as disobeying him), created humans to be inherently sinful, decided he would punish us for the way he made everything.. then sent jesus to save us (from his own unjust anger?? as if it’s an act of mercy lmao)

in a similar way, horde prime defined sin as disobedience, then decided he should kill everyone for it. but he is a 1D villain for the purposes of the show right so instead of prime sending adora as a savior, it’s light hope who sends her. a lil confusing but its all part of the same story light hope is just another metaphor for religion. so far adoras story = jesus.

AND THEN THIS IS THE GENIUS PART--as we know adora’s destiny was never light hope sending her to the world, that was all a lie... her true powers, her true “destiny” came from being chosen BY the world.

!!!!!!! THERE IS. so much here. the whole christian narrative is flipped. writing the next part in italics because its important lkdfjldj

in christianity, a good god sends a savior from heaven to redeem an evil world. in she-ra, it’s an inherently good world that chooses it’s own human hero to save it from an evil god.

which (finally) brings us back to how she-ra criticizes the evangelicals atonement theory. because humanity doesn’t deserve god’s wrath any more than the etherians deserved prime’s wrath. condemning people for disobeying arbitrary rules (e.g. “believe jesus is the only path to life”) makes no sense. however..... if disobedience is not a sin, that means there is no need for atonement. no need for atonement = no savior. no sacrifice. 

tl;dr she-ra compares jesus--a deity sent from heaven as a sacrifice--to adora, a human chosen by the world itself, who avoided that same sacrifice. to me this is a rejection of the idea that humanity needs a divine savior. and beyond that, a rejection of the specific evangelical theory that we needed him to die in our place because we are sinful.

Resurrection through love instead of faith

ok that was a lot lsdkjfld but.. to shift gears a little..... the fact that adora’s sacrifice was unnecessary isn’t as important as how the sacrifice was avoided.

i said before that god defined sin as disobedience but in practice that just means having any personal desire that exists outside of him. shadow weaver and light hope tell adora that in order to follow her destiny she has to “let go” of her friends... as if they’re mutually exclusive, her desires and faith cannot coincide, she must choose between them. its a reflection of the same kind of black & white ultimatums you hear in church. this is how the show was able to frame adora’s love for catra as sinful without explicitly stating it.

when adora ignores her mentors guidance and kisses catra..... first we all cried ldkfj but also. she is committing the ultimate “sin” !! she’s giving into her desires so, according to the dichotomy set up by sw and lh, she’s also rejecting her destiny/faith by default. 

but then... it’s this sin that actually saves adora’s life, whereas faith would’ve led to her death. wait hold on i [goes outside and screams]

so jesus and adora followed very similar destinies right. jesus spends his life rejecting his personal desires, dies for god, and god resurrects him for his obedience. but adora LIVES and its BECAUSE she embraces her earthly desires, leaving behind the religious idea that rejecting your desires leads to salvation.... which is once again the opposite of jesus. like jesus died to save an evil world from sin, but in contrast adora reclaimed her “sin” as something good and it saved her from death, it saved her from needing resurrection at all !!!!! at least, not from god. maybe catra’s kiss symbolizes a different kind of resurrection, one inspired by love instead of faith. new life that isnt earned through sacrifice but given freely (as christians like to claim god’s grace is).

THAT IS SO LDKJFLDFJDDF and this entire time i havent even MENTIONED the fact that this is all in relation to LESBIAN love and LESBIAN desires which is obviously the point of the show and why these themes hit so hard. but even when you take away the lgbt aspect, she-ra still holds up as a fantastic criticism of evangelical theology.

........ 🙂 ok i think my brain is broken jdjdjsj why did i write this

[setsureadsshit]

Lost At Sea: A List of WIP’s I am finally letting go of [ Part 2 ]

[ Part 1 ]

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Very Sincerely Yours by semaphoredrivethru

Summary: Terrified at the prospect of humiliating himself in front of the ton and completely ruining his first season with his crippling shyness, omega Stiles Stilinski does the only thing he can; he invents a sweetheart away at war. A completely fictitious and utterly gorgeous captain, a gentlemanly paragon of romance and adoration, an alpha with whom Stiles spends years "exchanging" letters.Years later, an angry, war-battered Derek Hale shows up at Stiles's door. He's no gentleman, and vehemently denies the existence of anything remotely resembling romance. He's received every last letter and has come to collect on Stiles's promises of home and marriage, no matter what.

Last Updated: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: AHHHHH, THERE’S NOTHING I LIKE MORE THAN A GOOD REGENCY BODICE RIPPER AU. HOW UNFORTUNATE THAT THIS ONE NEVER GOT FINISHED. IT WAS SUCH A GOOD START TOO, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED. AHHHHHHH SO SAD.

Sold by onlyastoryteller

Summary: The government has passed two significant acts that eliminate the rights of convicted felons. When Peter Burke learns that Neal Caffrey's Work Contract has been purchased by a private citizen, he springs into action.

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: White Collar ; Baffery

Personal Notes: While this fic is amazing and it hasn’t been THAT long since it was last updated (trust me, I’ve held on to fics for over 5 years on the hope it’d get updated lmao), this fandom and pairing just doesn’t interest me anymore; mostly because The Bullshit Season really turned me off from the show.

Sypha’s Boys by ShifterCat

Summary: “Back in the tomb under Greşit, Alucard asked you about that prophecy involving him. And… you blushed.”“O-oh.” That brought her up short. “Yes. That.” Sypha glanced away, gathering herself, then looked back decisively. “‘The Hunter, the Scholar, the Sleeping Soldier: they shall travel together. They shall defeat great evil together. They shall… love together.’”Trevor blinked a few times, allowing that to sink in. Then: “Your prophecy says we’re going to fuck?”

Last Update: 2019

Fandom & Main Pairing: Castlevania ; Syvorcard

Personal Notes: I mean, it says what it is on the tin - it’s just a collection of smut vignettes and after the first 5 chapters the sex kinda just gets old and I start to crave actual plot. That isn’t to say it’s not well written and I didn’t enjoy it but..you know *hand waves* 

Partners by wordswehavesaid

Summary: In which Barry Allen is the Starling City Police Department's forensics assistant. Yes, Starling.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I love love love love LOVE this fic. I love it SO MUCH and it physically PAINS ME to let it go but it’s time. Still, at 25 hefty chapters, it’s not really a bad deal to put your time into it.

Take My Body by paraselenewoman

Summary: Derek and Jordan are Alphas. Stiles is their newly obtained omega. Everything is pretty terrifying.If given the chance, though, Stiles probably wouldn't change a thing.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Derek x Stiles x Parish

Personal Notes: ......okay listen. I never said I was proud of all of my fic reading choices okay BUT SOMETIMES. SOMETIMES A BITCH JUST NEEDS SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED A/B/O Dom/sub DYNAMICS IN THEIR LIFE OKAY. YOU CAN’T SHAME ME - but I am a little embarrassed to admit it so let’s head to the next fic.

That Which Binds Them by Flarrow

Summary: Everyone is born with a mark shared by their soulmate, located somewhere around their shoulder blade. They say the mark burns upon meeting one's soulmate. Oliver knows what his is, but doesn't believe in the system. Barry doesn't know what his looks like, but he wants it to be a surprise.Set in The Flash and Arrow universes, but AU in the sense that I'm not sticking to the storyline laid out in either series, though I may borrow elements when they work for the story. Barry and Oliver are still The Flash and Arrow. Idea of the mark's location was inspired by the brand Oliver received in “The Fallen.”

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I read this a while back but I do remember it being a really good story. At 18 chapters, I didn’t feel like giving it the full re-read treatment since I’m currently on a role but I DID take the liberty of reading the very last chapter and I can say you’ll leave this fic satisfied if you do read it, even though it’s unfinished.

Steve Rogers and the Tri-Wizard Tournament by gryffindor17

Summary: There’s not a person who walks the halls of Hogwarts who doesn’t know Steve Rogers: the boy with the righteous streak, hot temper, and massive crush on the Romanian Longhorns’ star Chaser, Bucky Barnes. But Bucky exists to Steve only on the front page of The Daily Prophet. He has long since resigned himself to admiring from afar, catching games when he can or otherwise following Barnes’s crusade against injustice through printed page.Until the man himself walks into the Great Hall on the first night of their Seventh Year.Bucky’s life outside of the spotlight is hardly worthy of a footnote, never mind a headline, but no one wants to read about Bucky Barnes being found face-down and fast asleep between the shelves of Durmstrang’s impressive library. Between his studies and the Quidditch Finals looming around the corner, the last thing Bucky needs is something like the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He knows Headmaster Pierce is expecting him to volunteer, but all Bucky really wants is to pass his N.E.W.T.S. and maybe twist The Minister’s arm into passing the bill about guaranteed pay for House Elves.That is until he spots Merlin’s gift to man sitting at the Gryffindor table.Then things get complicated.

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: Captain America (MCU) ; Stucky

Personal Notes: It’s rare that I actually enjoy Hogwarts AU’s and I’ve kinda dropped out of the Captain American fandom so, while this IS really well done, I’m just not interested in it anymore.

Part Of Your World by Jenetica

Summary: Derek's a werewolf. Stiles is a merman. They're not supposed to work.Luckily, they're both determined to prove that particular fact false.Sequel to "Sea Foam and Sunshine."

Last Update: 2014

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: This is the second part in a series and you should def read the first one it’s fucking great. The second one is also good but...you know. Not gonna be finished ever so.

Knot Your Playmate by Halzbarry

Summary: He quickly closed his laptop and laid back on his bed. Somehow he’d convinced himself to not only sign up for an online ABO hookup website, but to also meet up with not one, but two alphas to potentially sleep with and get him through his heat. AU where Stiles is an omega, and has to sign up for an online ABO dating website to find an alpha to bring him through his heat, and possibly be a match so he doesn't flunk out of high school and get sent to remedial school because of Harris. What he doesn't expect is to find two mated alphas looking for an omega, and for feelings to start getting involved. Notice: Fic is on indefinite hiatus and is no longer being worked on.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Derek x Stiles x Parish

Personal Notes: .......LISTEN. IT’s GOOD OKAY????

Last To Know by Never_Says_Die

Summary: Kink meme fill in which every werewolf and shapeshifter in Beacon Hills is aware that Stiles is pregnant before he is. And apparently the first baby!werewolf being born into the pack (their Alpha's, no less) is a big freakin' deal and excuse enough for everyone to lose their damn minds. When Stiles figures out why everyone's been acting so weird around him, he's not amused. 

Last Update: 2013

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: This one is basically finished, like, it’s 21 of 22 chapters but the 22nd chapter would have mostly been just putting a bow on it, it’s already wrapped you know? It’s a really good fic I really love it, I should honestly just reblog it in it’s own right but I’ve already gone through the trouble of formating it so fuck it.

Lonely Road by CranApplePye

Summary: Stiles is running from things he doesn't want to face. Derek is running from a past he cannot leave behind. Their paths collide on a lonely stretch of road when Stiles' car breaks down and Derek is the only mechanic on hand. An unexpected closeness develops, but both men are harboring secrets and Stiles may have just found the one person whose luck runs worse than his own. When the past catches up with the future, it may be one collision that neither of them can survive, and it may end up pulling everyone they love down with them.As everything begins to unravel, choices must be made. Stiles must decide how far he's able to go to protect the people he cares about, and what he'll do when he hits his breaking point. Derek must decide whether he can overcome a lifetime of betrayal enough to trust in someone again, and what he's willing to sacrifice if he is. And Scott and Allison must decide what it means to stand by your friends, and what price they are each willing to pay to do what is right.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: I AM REALLY MAD THIS NEVER GOT FINISHED. SUCH A COMPELLING STORY. SUCH A FRESH TAKE ON WHAT THE CANON COULD HAVE BEEN. AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Lost In The Flood by Skaboom

Summary: When social services finally barges in and takes Isaac away from his father, granting custody to his aunt, Isaac gets the first good night's sleep he's had since his mother died, but that doesn't mean that everything is easy from there on out. There's a lot of lingering damage, and with everyone gossiping about him at school, it's hard to find someone to turn to, but with the help of a caring Aunt, a great therapist, and an unexpected friendship with Stiles, a kid on his lacrosse team, Isaac might finally be on the right path.

Last Update: 2017

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Stisaac

Personal Notes: Another sad goodbye, there has never been enough Stisaac fic in this fandom for me so seeing what few good fics there were go unfinished is particularly bitter to me.

[starklore]

ok 2 questions 1) can u talk about isaakat again i know i asked forever ago but i love isaac

Yes ofc!! Bear with me it’s been literal ages since I’ve seen Teen Wolf though sorry if I get something wrong but here we go:

So Kat Ainsworth is a necromancer (in some variations of the story, a caster from beautiful creatures, and also a dhampir from vampire academy and ALSO Adrian’s half-sister. I’m loathe to scrap those points bc of the mary sue energy it gives her.) the point is, though, she’s a necromancer. She can talk to ghosts, see them, and eventually she develops the ability to revive the dead, although not without a cost. 

Kat has a connection to the Hale family; she was best friends with Cora when they were kids, and she saw Derek and Kate together at one point (not. Like that) but Derek asked her to keep it a secret and Kat kind of had a crush on him so she did, and so she feels some responsibility for the Hale fire. 

Also, Kat is convinced Cora is still alive. She dreams about her a lot, and this is because they have a psychic link. 

(There also was an incident a few years prior to the story where Kat tried to pass on a message to Jackson from his biological parents, but he lashed out at her and told everyone she was crazy, which led to her going to a boarding school in the city.)

So we have this girl, a necromancer, with a connection to the Hale family and a knowledge of the supernatural due to her misadventures in the city. Every two weeks she spends the weekend in BH and that’s where she meets Isaac, at the graveyard in the middle of the night (she spends a lot of time there; it’s a sort of primal draw.) 

They start bonding over being outcasts and they’re both really lonely so they start confiding in each other, and develop a weird friendship. When Isaac turns into a werewolf, she warns him about getting involved with Derek Hale. It’s at this point, when Isaac’s werewolf hormones are running high, that they finally hook up. 

(They do NOT sleep together in the cemetery. They do it in a nearby forest.)

Anyways, Kat has to leave the next day, so they don’t get a chance to talk about it for two weeks. Kat panics and tries to play it off like it was nothing, because she’s afraid of getting involved with Isaac and then losing him. 

Between Kat’s panic attack, and Isaac’s own hurt feelings over her rejection, it triggers a turn in Isaac and he runs off. 

Kat shows up at his place the next day and apologizes, explains why she said what she said, and says she wants to be with him if he’ll still have her. He forgives her and they hook up again. 

From there they’re basically attached at the hip, Isaac helps her control her powers and he always believes in her that Cora is alive. 

If I make it a book crossover, there’s. Okay so I talked about this in an earlier post but there’s this concept in the caster chronicles called Claiming where on your sixteenth birthday (might age it up to seventeen) you have to choose to be good or evil basically lmao, it’s more complicated than that but that’s the gist of it. You choose dark or light and that’s how you are forever. 

Meanwhile, in Bloodlines, Adrian (vampire royalty) is involved with Sydney Sage (an alchemist aka basically a vampire hate group, and also a witch, which alchemists also hate). 

So the idea was that Adrian would get caught for his relationship with Sydney and would be sentenced to death, or Kat thought that he was, right as she was about to be claimed, so she’d go dark to avoid having to process his death, and basically forget everything she felt for Isaac (bc going dark turns down your emotions). Eventually, with Sydney’s help they’d get her back to normal and both Isaac and Kat (who both have low self-esteem due to abusive parents) would think the other doesn’t want to be together--Kat feels bad for going dark, and Isaac feels bad for not being there for her when she needed him. 

Obviously they are both wrong and they get back together. 

(Also Adrian doesn’t really die.)

Also sidebar but Derek and Kat have this really funny snarky back and forth bc they’re trying to cover up the guilt they both feel. Kat feels like she should’ve said something about Kate and Derek feels like the fire traumatized her and it was his fault. So yeah. 

That was. Off the chain I know lmao sorry but yeah that’s Isaakat and I may or may not iron it out to be just a TW fic but I do think she still has a brother.

[lokidiabolus]

Actors

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Newtmas

(Jonipony:  So this idea just came to me out of thin air, Thomas and Newt are actors who don't get along well together, but they have to do a love scene together for their characters and end up falling in love in real life. I was thinking maybe they forced themselves to spend time together in order to make their character's relationship seem more real and once they fall for the other person they can't tell if it's real or just their characters. And of course you can put your own twist or interpretation on it, you don't have to do just that. I think it could work for a longer fic or just a one shot depending on how you want to do it. Thank you so much for considering it!

Holy shit, I'm so sorry it took foreverrrr. I started writing it, then suddenly didn't know HOW to approach it, so I scrapped it, started again, scrapped it, wrote first 10 pages and stopped. Then returned to it after several months, wrote another set of pages, stopped. And now I FINALLY finished it, aaaaaaaaaa. Seriously, sorry it took ages lmao. Not even sure if it's what you've wanted, they seriously started to live their own life in there :'D)

Ao3 Version.

Maybe it would do you good if you spent a little more time together, off set.

In retrospect Thomas should have known it meant bad business, because as much as he liked his job and the series he was in, spending more time with Newt out of all people was not the best idea. Not that he could do anything about it – their producer and writer Jorge simply decided their characters needed to become less flat and also had the guts to say he was planning it all along, because representation. So Thomas’ until then completely straight character Stephen who liked parkour and Chinese food became miraculously captivated by a scientist Isaac, even though up until then they didn’t really have much screen time together.

When the morning read-through of the new episode revealed Jorge’s masterplan, Thomas didn’t know what to say or how to act. Him and Newt – they were like water and fire, and even though they didn’t clash loudly or made scenes, their civil behaviour had pretty low borders and they simply couldn’t be bothered to raise it. Up until today they didn’t even need to, because hey, one, two scenes per episode were only necessary evil and they usually didn’t even have the space to glare at each other much.

Thomas wasn’t sure how exactly it started – there wasn’t a girl they were both interested in involved, no role they both wanted and one of them got it, no pranks they played on each other that embarrassed them in public. There was nothing wrong with their interactions up until there was and Thomas couldn’t point a finger at it. The animosity was just there, sitting on the perch like a duck, ready to strike when they got into few meters wide vicinity of each other.

He didn’t know what exactly bothered him about that thin, blond nobody either. His appearance was pretty normal, maybe he just needed to gain a pound or two, and he had kind of unreal baby face, but apart from the lankiness and blond hair ruffled all the time, his looks were not that notable to irritate him. Neither did his British accent he usually concealed anyway or the way he talked to people. He just didn’t sit well with him, and quite frankly the antipathies were mutual and Newt wasn’t shy from showing him. So they kept their distances and interactions to minimum and everybody was happy.

Until Jorge fucked it up. And by fucking it up Thomas meant he started an apocalypse. Basically the series’ new couple was fancying each other because why the hell not, precisely after meeting in the university infirmary where Stephen ended after rather risky parkour manoeuvre that ended in few bruises, his friends who studied on the university thought it was a good idea to use the infirmary to patch him up, and then wild Isaac appeared, and his white coat and glasses apparently did it for Stephen.

As much as Thomas was concerned, he would say the plot was weak as morning coffee they had in cafeteria. But apparently where representation mattered, it was basically much better when no annoying drama got involved and it had a carefree flow, apart from the usual society problems Thomas kind expected to jump at them in the upcoming episodes somewhere.

“There are going to be snogging scenes.”

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the exasperated voice, and then once more when Newt sat heavily next to him and the chair squeaked.

“I just asked Jorge,” the blond added with a deep sigh and Thomas mentally ticked it in his to do list. He knew there were conditions like stunts and possible romantic storyline with physical exposure when he signed the contract for the series, but he had no idea his partner would be a guy he couldn’t stand even on his good day. Was this Jorge’s version of the get-along shirt?  

“Amazing,” he commented and Newt hummed in agreement. Jorge recommended a solution for their antipathy – which naturally included more contact – but Thomas had a feeling it would only worsen their current relationship. So far he had no idea what Newt’s bad habits were because he never spent time with him, but if he added something seriously annoying to the already bothersome mix, murder would sound like a good solution.

“Let’s grab lunch together,” Newt stood up while glancing at his watch. “We can talk about it there.”

“Lunch,” Thomas repeated, because man, hearing that from Newt was seriously unreal. The blond looked at him with furrowed brows and took Thomas a second before he realized it was his way of saying: okay, we gotta work on our attitudes, so this is where it starts.

“Ye, you know. A place where they serve food for money,” Newt deadpanned. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept, at least from TV.”

“Just thinking if I want to ruin my day by spending it with you, is all,” Thomas shot back and it made Newt snort and shook his head.

“Great start, mop head,” he commented and started walking to the exit. “And they say I am defensive.”

Thomas wasn’t defensive, but maybe a little desperate.

***

“Look, I’m sure we both are professionals,” Thomas started when they finally found a free spot in a restaurant that led them to a secluded corner with small table and a candle in the middle. Thomas kind of thought this was on purpose, but he kept it to himself.

“Well, one of us definitely is,” Newt retorted without even looking at him, his eyes fixated onto a menu. Thomas wished he would order beer, so the waiter could tell him they are not serving alcohol to kids and he would have to give them his ID. “Your point?”

“We don’t need this torture,” Thomas decided not to snap at him for the time being. “It’s gonna be fine on set.”

That finally made Newt to glance at him.

“You think so?” he put down the menu and leaned a bit forward, his elbows on the desk. “So Jorge shouting at us because there is no chemistry whatsoever and it looks more like we want to kill each other, that’s fine by you?”

“He never said that,” Thomas disagreed stubbornly.

“He did,” Newt shrugged. “Sure, it was a year ago, but mate, I still feel like kicking your shin most of the time I see you, it kinda shows.”

“For you maybe-,”

“It shows for both of us,” Newt stopped him mid-sentence and sighed before getting back to the menu. “If you don’t believe me, ask the rest of the cast. Or the crew.”

Thomas didn’t need hear it from other sources to be able to tell Newt was right. The glares they occasionally sent to each other spoke volumes and he knew that, but he was almost sure it didn’t really show when they were on the set together, filming a scene. They were actors, it was their job to pretend to love people they didn’t fancy as much or at all, they were taking money for that kind of shit.

“So what’s your problem then?” he crossed his arms on his chest, looking at Newt expectantly. “Why am I on your shit list?”

“Why am I on yours?” Newt uttered lazily.

“I asked first.”

“It’s exactly this,” Newt finally stopped paying attention to the menu completely and closed it, then leaned back to the chair. “That thing you do all the time.”

“What thing?” Thomas raised an eyebrow and Newt gestured towards him with click of his tongue.

“That overbearing and unhealthy competitiveness,” the blond elaborated. “You hear an opinion and you immediately challenge it or you try to surpass it with me, me, me. Just talking to you about literally anything is a bloody waste of time because you’re unable to talk about anything else but you.”

Thomas blinked, then tilted his head to the side, and kept quiet. When nothing else from Newt came, he cleared his throat, just to be interrupted by a waiter asking for their orders and lighting up the candle between them with a weird smile.

Well, maybe not that weird, judging from where they were sitting. Thomas wondered what kind of bad karma was punishing him today, because he was slowly reaching his bullshit quota. Unhealthy competitiveness? Great! Maybe Newt could even make a whole psychological profile while at it!

“Don’t fry your brain, mop head,” Newt spoke up the moment the waiter left their table with orders. He reached for the candle and held his hand above the flame, changing heights like a kid that got a new toy. “I guess it’s just your thing. Rarely anybody acting like that realizes they are doing it. And if they do, they don’t care. Which is probably your case too.”

“Thanks, Dr. Freud,” Thomas forced out and pinched the bridge of his nose. The sole image of him having to pretend to be in love with this jerkface was making his blood boil. “I guess my reason is just that you’re such an insufferable brat I simply can’t stand you.”

“Well, it’s a start,” Newt uttered back and crossed his arms on his chest. “I propose to spend time together between sets, to go through the lines. If we won’t kill each other, I’m sure there is still hope for us to be able to survive the filming.”

“I refuse,” Thomas shot back without hesitation and it made Newt to bark out a laugh. “What.”

“Nothing, nothing,” the blond waved his hand, but kept on smiling and Thomas’ frown deepened. “It’s just that you’re such a kid all the time, it’s bloody hilarious.”

“If this is supposed to help me not to hate you, then you’re doing a very bad job,” Thomas warned him and then the waiter was back with their food, to which Thomas completely lost his appetite. Newt was still grinning at him like he won some sort of competition, and if it had been a race of who will get pissy first, Thomas had to admit he did lose.

“Hate is such a strong word though,” Newt commented with apparent amusement and pulled the plate with his lunch closer to him. “You shouldn’t use it so deliberately. What if there would be somebody you’d hate even more?”

“I don’t think it’s possible at this moment,” Thomas gritted through his teeth and it finally made Newt to stop with the nit-picking and his face turned a little more serious again.

“Alright, sorry,” the blond gestured with his fork. “Not going to push you anymore. Was just wondering how much you can take.”

“Not much more than this, I assure you,” Thomas said gruffly and Newt still had the nerve to smirk at him.

“Are you not going to eat?” he pointed at Thomas’ plate and when Thomas made a face, he insolently stole a fry and ate it. Thomas was sure one of them was not going to survive the filming at the end of the season.

***

“Can you stop glaring at me?”

Thomas groaned and put down the script with a loud bang against the table. Newt was in front of him, in his stupid oversized sweater and crazy hair and Thomas was literally on edge.

“Does it matter? It’s just a script reading,” he growled at him and heard Minho next to him laugh. Jorge on the other side of the table shook his head.

“Thomas, pull yourself together,” he said with a strict voice he usually reserved on sets when they kept on butchering the lines, and Thomas wanted to point at Newt and shout it’s all his fault! But he didn’t, because of course not, that would be childish and something Newt apparently wanted to provoke out of him. That little blond shit was taunting him from the first moment they sat down in the meeting room and he kept on smirking at him even when there were no lines they had together, and Thomas felt his blood pressure rising. Seriously, this couldn’t be healthy.

“Sorry,” he managed to bit out and looked back into the script where he was supposed to be flirting with Isaac, but it got out of him as a death sentence. Even he heard that, so naturally there was no denying it, and Newt just had to point it out in front of everybody.

“Minho, continue from the second paragraph,” Jorge commanded and the room grew quiet. Thomas wondered if he could fake a voice loss for a month or two, maybe it would help him get his shit together while avoiding his co-star like a plague.

***

“Oi, come here.”

Thomas almost did a pirouette when a hand stopped him from his march out of the building, and before he could properly react, he got dragged inside of the now empty meeting room by Newt. The cast was already gone and most of the crew as well, the studio was filled only by low hum from cameras not yet turned off.

“What now,” he sighed unhappily and the blond leaned against the table and crossed his arms on his chest.

“How did you get hurt?” he asked and Thomas stared at him like he lost his mind. Hurt? Him?

“What?”

“How. Did. You. Get. Hurt?”

Thomas opened his mouth to call him an idiot, but then it hit him. It was the line from the script. Newt’s character line from the dialogue the two of them had and kind of failed in the script reading this morning.

There was a small moment of him wanting to leave, because he was still bitter about the morning scene, but Newt was apparently trying to make amends and Thomas would be against himself if he just left without even giving it a chance.

He shook his head and reached for the door so he could close it while Newt watched him from his spot, and then took a deep breath.

“Tried to conquer the walls,” he finally responded with his line and it was easier without people staring at him, expecting to bite Newt’s head off. “They kind of won.”

“I can see that,” Newt continued, the exasperation easily believable. He pushed away from the table and took several cautious steps closer to Thomas, then lifted his chin and turned his head from one side to another.

Right, injuries from the fall. Isaac was supposed to check them and treat them.

“Huh, you have really long eyelashes,” he said then and Thomas blinked. That wasn’t in the script, he was sure of it.

“Are you improvising or is it just a statement?” he broke the character too, tilting his head to the side and Newt let his hand fall back again.

“A statement,” he answered with a shrug. “Sorry. Just never noticed that.” Then he looked Thomas up and down. “This should get treated.”

Is he back in the rehearsing scene? Jesus.

“Are you always this on and off?” Thomas asked instead and Newt’s lips curled up in a smile. For once it even looked genuine.

“I might be,” he admitted. He was almost the same height as Thomas, but definitely thinner and lankier. With the oversized sweater he reminded him of a kid that got lost in a filming studio, especially with his baby face. “And I might have an idea too.”

“An idea?” Thomas crossed his arms on his chest, because hey, so far Newt’s ideas were only making things worse, so he was right to be wary.

“Like, I’m aware you don’t like me, and that’s fine,” Newt made a vague gesture towards them both and Thomas only nodded in agreement. The antipathy was there and he would be lying if he tried to tell him the opposite all of sudden, especially after yesterday. “So consider this – stay in character.”

“I do stay in character-,”

“I mean stay in character all the time you’re around me,” Newt stopped his immediate defence swiftly. “And I’ll stay in mine. So every time we will interact, just let Stephen and Isaac do it.”

“I don’t follow,” Thomas sighed in exasperation. What was that supposed to be about? “What if I’m going to need something not work related or-?”

“Stay in character even for personal-related things, for work things, for all things, with me,” Newt proposed. “Think of it as a roleplay? Ever done that?”

“Roleplay,” Thomas repeated the word with raised eyebrows and all he could think of was Dungeons and Dragons or something really kinky. “Well, not outside of work, I guess.”

“It’s a perfect way how to get into the character and understand him better,” Newt explained with strange happiness around him and Thomas gulped down the comment he probably did it a bit too often. “And maybe it’s what we need as well. If you think of me as of Isaac?”

It was true Isaac was rather interesting character – the show portrayed him as smart, a little geeky, but fun, and with sharp sense of humour. Apart from Newt’s own stubbornness and nasty comments it could be a nice change.

“Okay then,” he agreed in the end, because what was there to lose? Apart from some dignity, he mused, because as much as being an actor made his living, playing the character outside of it sounded more like a chore than fun. Then again – if he had to do that only around Newt, it could work.

“Great, it’s settled then,” another genuine smile and it felt like aura around Newt changed somehow, it was almost eerie. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Thomas managed and Newt was out of the door in a second, leaving the brunet alone and confused. He was a little worried this state would be a norm around the guy from now on.

***

“Morning,” Thomas yawned on his way to the table, coffee in hand and several greetings echoed back at him, Newt’s included. It sounded friendly and Thomas had to do a double take before he reminded himself it was supposed to be that way because they weren’t them, but their friendlier counterparts. He seated himself across the blond and glanced at him out of curiosity, just to get another smile in response before he looked back at Jorge, leaving Thomas in slight stupor.

So this was how Newt interpreted Isaac? Thomas wasn’t sure if it made him uncomfortable more than his usual snide remarks for how big the change was, but at the end of the meeting he felt a little more relaxed around him at least, because apparently no verbal attack was coming. Newt behaved like there was no bad blood between them and the lines reading was easy and probably surprising for the rest of the cast. At least Jorge looked satisfied at the end, which was a small victory.

“Lunch?” Newt asked him at noon and Thomas thought it was fine to say sure more easily now.

They grabbed food and actually talked about non-work related things without any poison threw in, which made Thomas conflicted as hell. He felt like he was sitting on needles for about first 20 minutes in, during the menu studying and ordering and sipping his soda, like the attack could have happen anytime and he needed to be ready, but Newt sat on the opposite side of the table like a holy picture, smiling and telling him about a football game that happened last night (and Thomas missed it because sleep was too demanding) and not a single bad thing fell from his mouth. Not even a dirty comment about Thomas’ obvious lack of knowledge about football teams – Newt actually explained why he liked his own team (apparently family fixation, so he was a long-time fan) and what games have great moments in it and Thomas found himself relaxed and listening for the first time ever when in Newt’s company.

“You strike me as a sports fan,” Newt offered leisurely while poking in his food. He barely ate anything since he mostly talked, but somehow didn’t even look like he had the appetite.

“I’m more of a baseball fan,” Thomas responded easily and wondered if this was even allowed. Was he supposed to talk about himself or about Stephen? He made a mental note to ask Newt at some point, but so far it looked like the blond was talking about his own hobbies rather than about Isaac’s, but he couldn’t be sure. He knew Stephen was more into adrenaline sports, especially the ones he could do himself, rather than watching others to do it, but Thomas liked all his limbs intact and not broken, so he was mostly Stephen’s opposite. “Long time Mets supporter.”

“Nice. Watched baseball sometimes with my uncle,” Newt flashed him another oh-so-genuine smile and Thomas felt himself tensing again, alert and ready for a flip without any real means to. The difference from normal Newt and Isaac’s Newt was huge, to the point of worrying, and Thomas couldn’t help but wonder how much of a self-control it had to take for Newt to maintain this happy-to-go attitude with him when normally he was about to bite Thomas’ head off.

He took a breath to point it out, but then deflated when Newt finally started eating, relaxed and for the lack of better word vulnerable. Attacking him now in any way was low even for their normal interactions.

He kept his peace for the remainder of their break.

***

“You sound angry.”

Thomas stopped mid move when Newt’s words flew over to him, blinking in confusion. The scene was called cut a few seconds ago for another take and Thomas wasn’t really thinking about why, since Jorge didn’t really pinpoint anything being wrong. They were in Isaac’s lab, the crew around them busy as bees, preparing for another take, the cameras pointed at him and Newt with deadly accuracy.

“Angry?” he repeated and Newt walked towards him with thoughtful expression.

“Yeah, like. You’re mad about something,” he gesticulated between then while he stopped in front of Thomas. “I don’t know if it’s intentional. The script doesn’t really say he should be angry, but it’s kind of sharp from you?”

“Oh,” Thomas cleared his throat. It was actually a valid point. Not even an attack, more like an observation. Newt was trying to be helpful. Towards Thomas. Without malice. So weird.  

“You’re right,” he admitted, taking the script to his hand from the table behind the scene, going through it. “I’ll try to soften it a bit.”

Newt nodded, still thoughtful, and retreated back to his spot. He was in the white lab coat and had thick, black glasses and wild hair and Thomas caught himself staring without any means to do that. He had seen him in his getup before, it was nothing new. Yet somehow it was like interacting with a completely different person and when Jorge came back and the scene played out again, he found himself talking softer and Newt’s eyes told him it hit the right spot.

The scene didn’t need to be repeated anymore and Jorge patted them happily on the back. Thomas pretended he didn’t see the smile Newt sent his way.

***

The days passed and the strange roleplay approach worked like a charm. Even the crew noticed and the cast was commenting on it at readings repeatedly, but without real heat. Neither Thomas or Newt elaborated though, and it was probably for the best to keep it at vague we talked it out.

He thought he was going to be much more opposed to the romance progression part in the story, but when the more intimate scenes started, Thomas didn’t have an urge to strangle Newt anymore, so he had to admit Newt’s idea wasn’t bad. The story romance was cheesy but slow and getting accustomed to Newt’s Isaac was no work, since they did that the whole time now.

“Gotta work on your stiffness,” Newt piped after the wrap up when the crew was packing up and they were putting costumes away. “You’re like a wooden board when we touch.”

“I guess that’s my default setting,” Thomas joked back because he had no idea what else to say. He was aware every time Newt touched him (and they weren’t even in the intimate part of touching yet), his body seized up and he moved like a robot for the remainder of the recording, mechanical and unattached. It wasn’t like he expected a punch or anything, but his brain didn’t get it yet. “I will work on it.”

He saw Newt nod in the corner of his eye when he was pulling the shirt over his head and then yelped when he got seized in a strong hug from behind, clutching him like a vice.

“What the-!”

“Practice.” Newt squeezed a bit more and then finally lost the strength Thomas would never believe he possessed in that lanky body of his. He still held on though and Thomas hung there helplessly like a doll. It was uncomfortable and weird angle too, but Newt didn’t look like he cared.

Well, when he ever did?

“This is not really helping though,” he commented with a huff, letting his arms fall and Newt barked out a laugh. He was plastered over half of Thomas’ back and his side, just holding him like a teddy bear, and his body was warm like a thermo blanket.

“Don’t worry, it will,” he assured him, gave him one last squeeze and then finally let go. Thomas wasn’t surprised by the big grin he had when he turned around to tell him off. So he let the words die in his throat and only shook his head.

Newt did the hugging thing every day after and Thomas resigned to his fate after a week (once he even leapt to Thomas’ arms without any warning except shouting sike! and Thomas had to praise himself for actually catching him properly while swearing like a sailor). He pointedly ignored Minho’s smartass commentary about it though.

***

It was usually Newt that approached Thomas on his own, either with some work-related questions or even a simple talk and for some reason Thomas started to expect their daily 15 minutes of freestyle since then. Maybe that was why today he was so weirded out when Newt didn’t really do that before the reading, or after reading, or for lunch. He saw him several times during the day usually staring into his phone or talking to somebody else, but he didn’t make a move towards Thomas at any given time. True, they there were no scenes involving them together scheduled, but normally it didn’t stop him.

Thomas, to his dismay, realized he grew restless.

When he saw Newt again in the hall, he decided to be a big boy and start conversation on his own, even though he had no idea why. He grabbed two cups of coffee on the way (one with milk and sugar, one purely black) and let his legs carry him all the way towards his blond nemesis, who was staring into his phone again.

On one note Thomas hoped nothing serious happened, and that care alone surprised him. Just a month ago he wouldn’t give a rat ass about Newt’s problems, so this was definitely new. And concerning, really.

Then again that’s what you get when you act like a decent being, I guess.

“You seem awfully quiet today,” he greeted him with an outstretched hand holding the cup and Newt glanced up from his phone with badly masked surprise. Thomas would even say it could equal a shock for a split second before he mastered it enough to hide it.

“Oh,” he let out, kind of lamely, and Thomas had to clear his throat for the blond to notice the coffee. When he finally took it, Thomas felt a wave of relief he wasn’t turned down. Somehow, he already dismantled most of his defence mechanisms against this guy; it would suck if he allowed being vulnerable now just for Newt to blew it out of blue.

“It’s black,” the blond commented when he sipped the coffee, his brows furrowed. Thomas made a humming noise.

“You drink it black, as far as I know?” he offered and Newt’s eyes searched for his. It was a weird look, like he didn’t know what to do or say.

It’s just a coffee though, sheesh.

“I do,” he replied after a moment.

“Okay.”

“You remembered,” Newt added a little more hesitantly. “That I drink it black.”

“Yes?” Thomas raised his eyebrows. “I mean you always drink black, it’s kind of easy to remember?”

“No, I mean…” he stared a bit more, but then averted his eyes. “Never mind. Thanks.”

The uneasy feeling of something being wrong creeped into Thomas’ stomach almost instantly. He stood there in complete stupor, no words coming out of his mouth, paralyzed of the sudden change he got so easily unaccustomed to in a span of several weeks. Newt was not looking at him and Thomas wanted to ask if the roleplay was over and they were about to be mean to each other again, but couldn’t get it past his lips.

“So, what do you want?” Newt finally asked and it was bizarre to hear now. What would Thomas want from his colleague he spent few weeks talking daily to about any possible thing? Gee, who knew. Was him doing the first step not allowed?

He didn’t say anything because he had no idea what would be an appropriate response Stephen would give. At this point he drew blank even for his own reactions. When Newt glanced at him worriedly, he wanted to ask why the hell was he making that face, but at the same time didn’t want to know.

“And here we can see two awkward roosters in their natural habitat,” came suddenly from behind them and an arm landed on Thomas’ shoulders, almost making him spill the coffee. Minho shook him like a rag doll, grinning from ear to ear. He didn’t even hear him coming. “Never saw courting so painful than with you two, I swear.”

Newt made a face and Thomas felt his stomach drop somewhere between his legs.

“Fuck off,” he shot out and shook off Minho’s arm unhappily, pushed his coffee to his hand and left the hall like a tidal wave.

He ignored his phone for the rest of the day. It was constantly beeping.

***

He had never seen anybody with deadlier puppy eyes than Newt had. The moment he arrived on set and before he could even greet anybody and get a cup of coffee, the blond was there, gazing at him with the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, and it didn’t get any better with time.

“Okay, I’ll bite, what’re you doing?” he finally confronted him, arms crossed on his chest, and Newt gave him almost a full body shrug. The meeting room was half empty and Newt was following him around the whole day like a sad dog. Thomas didn’t even read the messages from yesterday and already knew they were from him and what approximately they said.

“Trying to make you feel sorry for me, naturally,” he replied with ease. “Is it working?”

“Sorry for you,” Thomas repeated with raised eyebrows. “For what?”

“For being a target of somebody’s ire.”

Somebody as in Thomas, no manual needed.

“Shouldn’t you be doing that at them in that case?” he decided to play the game as well, because for some reason the Newt’s Isaac was back and yesterday’s Newt’s Newt departed once more like a glitch in Matrix. Thomas didn’t lose any sleep over it, but then again, he went to bed so late there was almost no sleep to be talking about.

It wasn’t because of Newt though. Why would it be, even?

Newt made a face at him, but the puppy eyes resumed right after.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged again. “They’re stubborn.”

“That so.”

“Yeah,” the blond took few steps closer. “Need them not to be mad. Want to kiss them.”

“Wait, what-,“ Thomas barely get the words out and Newt was already in his personal space, hands on his cheeks and leaning in and Thomas felt like he was losing balance for how much he was trying to avoid him, and would probably fall flat on his ass if Newt didn’t grab him around his waist to prop him back up.

“Nice gymnastics, you two!” Minho shouted from the table and Thomas felt the heat rising up in his cheeks, his body pressed against Newts’ from their chest to their knees while he heard others snapping pictures of them.

“Are you fucking nuts?!” he hissed at Newt in a hushed whisper and the blond grinned, not letting go.

“Nah, but I’m helping,” he had the audacity to squish Thomas’ cheeks and Thomas grabbed him by his wrists to stop him. Newt didn’t budge and that unnatural strength was beginning to make Thomas worry.

“To my grave, yeah, you are,” he growled and Newt laughed quietly while his hands finally let go of Thomas’ face.

“It’s today, you know,” he said with a smirk and Thomas frowned. “The snogging scene. It’s today.”

“It’s today?!”

“Today.”

Thomas blamed Newt for not knowing and not checking the plan yesterday and for the sleep and bad mood too – and quite frankly even for the spoiled food he found in the fridge because Newt was weird and out of what Thomas was used to and it threw him off more than he thought it would and it sucked.

The hands on his cheeks were back and then there were also lips on his own, smooching him like grandma visiting on Christmas along with obnoxiously loud mwuah and the cameras snapping were even louder now, throwing Thomas into a murderous spree.

“You-!”

“Meet me in five at the trailer and let me snog you right, dog,” Newt stopped him from the outburst and pinched his cheeks, then let go. “No homo.”

“Fuck you!” Thomas barked with his chest heaving at Newt’s retreat back, and the blond glanced back at him and smiled.

“No u.”

And left.

***

In retrospect coming after Newt to the designated meeting spot was a bad idea, but Thomas had seen red and didn’t care. He had no idea what the hell was the blondie thinking and he was about to shake it out of him if he had to, truce be damned.

“My, don’t you look ravishing,” Newt greeted him between the doors with a chuckle and if Thomas was just a bit angrier, he would probably greet him back with a fist in his face.

“I thought you said we’re going to be fucking civil with each other,” he barked instead and Newt tilted his head in silent question. “Your stupid roleplay shit! And then you pull this out?”

“What’s this?” the blond opposed calmly. “Don’t tell me you’re angry over one smooch. What’re you going to do after the rehearsals with the crew watching us make out? Kill me?”

“Listen-,”

“No, you listen,” Newt stopped with an exasperated sigh. He ran his hand through his hair, making it even messier than normally, and his shoulders sagged down as if he flipped a switch. “I’m sorry I was a dick yesterday. I guess it threw you off and it’s my fault, and I want to make amends.”

Thomas opened his mouth in opposition before it dawned on him that Newt was, in fact, apologizing. He had to do a double take and run it again in his head until he was sure he heard him right, and it still didn’t really make it as believable.

“Oh,” he let out.

“And also, I wasn’t lying about the snogging shooting, so,” the blond took a step away from the door and gestured for Thomas to enter. “I’m sorry and let’s try it before we look like complete idiots in front of everybody else.”

Let’s try to snog, that definitely wasn’t something he thought he would ever hear from this guy. It must have showed in his face since Newt’s mouth curved up in obvious amusement.

“I know right? What’s been happening to us lately,” he commented on it like he read Thomas’ mind and then reached for his shirt and pulled him in the trailer. Thomas wanted to comment on how damn stupid it must have looked to anybody outside, but Newt was already kissing him without even a word of warning and Thomas was too stunned to move.

There was a pressure and a hand on the back of Thomas’ neck, but other than that nothing else really happened and then Newt was pulling away, looking at him with mild annoyance.

“Can you do something better than the dead fish lips?” he asked and Thomas blinked, his vocal cords not working in the slightest. He could imagine all kind of things happening with Newt – a fist in his face, a vicious prank of sitting on a pin, but being kissed when not in front of a camera (since that’s where it was supposed to happen) was not one of them.

“Uh oh,” the blond stepped away. “Did I break you?”

“I think so,” Thomas heard himself saying. He couldn’t really recall much about the kiss, his brain drew a blissful blank, not even how long exactly it was, but he knew it happened. “Little warning next time?”

“Isn’t the shock value counting as a plus point though?” Newt‘s face relaxed and even smiled and Thomas shook his head.

“Not if you aren’t trying to cause me a heart-attack,” he commented sternly and then took a deep breath. “Fine, okay. I’m ready.”

“So clinical,” Newt rolled his eyes and took a step forward but Thomas’ hand flew up and spread in the middle of Newt’s chest, stopping him. “What now?”

“Is it supposed to be Isaac to take the lead?”

It was a valid question, because Thomas didn’t see Isaac as a leading man for this kind of thing. But then again, he purposely left the snogging scenes be so he couldn’t say.

“Yes,” Newt shrugged. “Think nerds don’t take initiative?”

Thomas rumbled but let his hand fall down.

“You didn’t even read it, did you,” the blond smirked. “You left those scenes alone.”

It’s not like Newt could read Thomas mind, but lately it felt like he did and it was terrifying.

“Maybe,” he let out grudgingly.

“You’re adorable.”

“Shut up, nerd.”

“That’s not very Stephen of you,” Newt commented with a grin and he looked so smug Thomas couldn’t stand that. He grabbed the blond by the collar of his stupid striped shirt and pulled him forward until their lips met in the middle, along with Newt’s yelp somewhere in between.

It was mostly just pressure with almost no movement of the lips, like proving a point he could do it as well without warning if he wanted to, and for a while it kind of worked, since Newt was standing on the spot like a frozen statue.

“Hmm,” Thomas pulled away with a cocky smile, drinking in Newt’s wide eyes. “Can you do something better than the dead fish lips?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” the blond breathed out and quite frankly Thomas expected him to lean back in, since he presented it as a challenge, but still didn’t think it would be open mouthed and pushing and that there is going to be tongue involved right off the bat. He made a muffled noise when Newt stepped even closer and grabbed Thomas by his waist, bringing them chest to chest, kissing him so deeply it made his head spin.

Was it supposed to be like this? It didn’t even feel like simple kissing anymore, but make out with the way Newt’s hands started to travel over Thomas’ back and his sides and hips and even fucking squeezed his butt few times. He was tilting his head and pushing into Thomas so insistently it felt like he just wanted him horizontal in near future and Thomas felt his body moving backwards, step by step until his back hit the wall and he made another muffled noise that should have showed his discomfort but Newt probably didn’t even hear it.

It felt like forever before Newt finally pulled away, drawing in a shaking breath, his eyes still closed and lips almost red. Thomas couldn’t help but think he looked like he was ready to shoot a porn scene, with his ruffled hair and heavy breathing and like, everything, but quickly got rid of the thought. Newt, out of all people, definitely didn’t look erotic to him. No fucking way.

“You done?” he croaked out, cursing his own voice to be so weak in a situation like this, and Newt finally opened his eyes, almost black how his pupils were blown wide and had the audacity to shook his head.

“Not in the slightest,” he replied in a low voice, so low Thomas barely heard it, and his hands, up until now resting on Thomas’ hips, travelled up, dragging over Thomas’ shirt up to his neck, warm and sure. The silence in the trailer was almost suffocating, making Thomas hear his own heartbeat so clearly he was almost sure Newt had to hear it too.

“Newt-,”

“Not at all,” the blond didn’t let him speak, his thumbs started caressing Thomas’ jaw and before Thomas could at least ask him what the hell was wrong with him, he was already being kissed again, gentler this time, but not less lewd with all the tongue, and Thomas found out he couldn’t move, like his body rooted to the spot. The blood was now roaring in his ears and he was goddamn confused about it, because it was Newt kissing him, Newt being here, crowding him against the wall in the trailer, holding him on the spot by caressing his neck and his face and kissing him like he wanted to do it for ages and then some. The same Newt he hated to bits just a month ago, who was bitter and sarcastic and never said a nice word to Thomas.

Was this some sort of revenge, maybe? Some elaborate prank he played, maybe with a camera rolling from a hiding spot, so he could laugh about it later with others? His let’s try it before actually shooting the scene in front of the crew now blurred together with unreasonable making out and Thomas was damn sure they didn’t need to do this much up until who knew when in the shooting.

Yet he still didn’t push Newt away. Hell, he even participated in the kiss – slowly, maybe, hesitantly, but he wasn’t just taking it like a figurine either, no matter how hard he would try to deny that. So when Newt let go of him with a slow exhale and his hands slowly fell from Thomas’ neck, Thomas was at loss of what to say. He couldn’t really accuse him of anything, though maybe he sort of wanted to, but words simply didn’t come.

“Well,” Newt finally broke the silence, stepping away. “I think we’re good.”

He cleared his throat about three times and it felt awkward, like the reality caught up with him and now he was internally screaming. Thomas was surprised his own inner monologue stopped instead, only accompanied by a low hum of his thoughts.

“Right?” the blond finally looked up from the floor he was hypnotizing since the kiss ended and Thomas stared back at him in silence. He could still feel Newt’s mouth on his own and he licked his lower lip without even thinking about it and Newt’s eyes followed the movement with wide eyes.

“Right,” Thomas said eventually, refusing to try deciphering that particular look, and left before Newt could say anything else.

***

Hiding was a wrong word to use for Thomas’ current behaviour. He wasn’t hiding at all. He didn’t have a reason to hide, what happened was Newt’s initiative and Newt’s alone. If he ever wanted to make Thomas guilty about it, Thomas was ready to kick him back with something equally nasty, like you were the first who stuck his tongue into my throat or grabbing my ass or rubbing against me – which he was by the way, he totally was at some point but Thomas didn’t want to think about that. Hell, he tried to push it out of his mind the whole time between sets while reading the incriminated scene in the script (damn Newt being right about Isaac taking initiative, damn him), up until he couldn’t anymore because it was the scene, and Newt was standing in front of the camera already in the white lab coat and crazy hair and Jorge was talking to him about something and Thomas felt his legs turning to jelly.

“Oi, don’t look so scared,” Newt’s voice flew over to him, making Thomas’ stomach make a double flip. “We practiced, right?”

“If you call that a practice…” Thomas uttered under his breath, but at least he felt little less intimidated when the Newt in the trailer with almost black eyes and heaving chest and red lips bruised from kissing got replaced by this cocky shit again. Jorge was behind the camera and Thomas had to mentally praise him for not grinning at them like a loon and making it even more awkward.

Because if anything, awkward definitely fitted the description the best and probably even more so after the practice Newt put him through. At least most of the crew left, even though they usually only did when there were more intimate scenes involved, but Thomas was still grateful he didn’t need to try and ignore Minho making faces at him from behind the scene.

When the camera started rolling and their lines flowing in, Thomas was surprised he didn’t feel nervous as much as he thought he would. If anything, he was anticipating, because he knew how Newt felt already against him, so when the blond stepped close with the scripted line and touched Thomas’ chest in the middle, he was ready for the tongue and teeth and hands everywhere and maybe even the butt touching because Newt did that plenty.

But then there was pressure on his lips and a gentle touch of hand on his cheek for split second and then Newt was pulling away, eyes downcast, small smile playing on his, no, on Isaac’s lips, and it was over.

He couldn’t help but gawk at him, and quite frankly wasn’t even surprised when Jorge ended the scene and called him out for looking like somebody just told him he lost the raffle for a teddy bear and demanded a retake.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” he responded sheepishly and they started anew, the marks, the lines, the touch on his chest, the fucking innocent peck on his lips, the small smile scripted to a tiniest detail, the end. Thomas still gawked and Jorge let out a sigh, giving them ten minutes before trying again.

“What’s wrong with you?” Newt asked him like there was nothing wrong going on, like he didn’t just endlessly grope him in the trailer and then kiss him here like grandma on Christmas visit. Thomas wanted to tell him, he wanted to throw it in his face, but he just couldn’t bring himself to.

“Sorry,” he repeated, clearing his throat. Jorge didn’t say anything about the kiss, only about Thomas’ bewildered expression, so there probably wasn’t anything bad about it, but it still felt like… nothing. In comparison, at least.

“You really did look like somebody stole your cookie though,” the blond poured oil into the fire and had the audacity to smirk as well. “Didn’t we practice?”

“Not enough tongue here, I guess,” Thomas bit back and felt a small amount of satisfaction when Newt averted his eyes with small hitch of his breath.

“Well, it’s not really in the script,” he mumbled after, almost grudgingly and Thomas took a deep breath.

“Interesting,” he commented. Nothing else. Newt kept his eyes casted on the floor, looking stiff and uncomfortable and Thomas wondered if he kept quiet long enough, if he would elaborate. He did not, not until Jorge got back, sent Thomas questioning glance and he managed to muster a smile.

The camera rolled again, the lines, the touch, the kiss, Thomas forced himself to look happy and Jorge was looking satisfied at the end. He even praised him with a pat on his back and when Thomas turned back towards Newt, he realized the blond was already gone.

Typical.

***

They didn’t have any shooting together the next day and Thomas frankly wasn’t surprised he didn’t even catch a brief glance of Newt. Probably for the best too, since his mood was so bad, he would probably only bark at him and neither of them needed that. He barely slept, his thoughts kept on swirling around the weird intimacy Newt showed him and then proceeded to be shy about it, and it just didn’t make any sense.

“Newt called in sick,” Minho told him around lunch, sitting next to him when Thomas nursed his coffee and only nibbled his food with fork. He ordered Chinese and it was great but his appetite probably called in sick as well.

“Mhm,” he let out. No surprise there, probably. Thomas thought he should have been relieved but quite frankly nothing much came.

“Didn’t text you?” Minho asked, eyebrows raised and Thomas sipped his coffee.

“Nope,” he responded coldly. “Am I his mum or something?”

“No, but you do spend lots of time together lately,” his friend shrugged. He meant well, probably, but obviously wanted some gossip too. Thomas couldn’t blame him. “Thought you’d know.”

“Nah, he’s sulking now,” Thomas uttered and Minho’s expression changed to a surprised one. “Better leave him to it, I guess.”

“Sulking cuz of the snogging?” Came a question and Thomas had a fleeting panic reaction of Minho knowing about the trailer make out, but he squashed it fast. “I thought it went well?”

“Yeah, was fine,” Thomas waved his hand. “He’s just being weirder than normally about it.”

“Huh,” Minho propped his chin on his palm. “Thought you’d be the one freaking out, not him.”

“Same.”

“But maybe it’s cuz he likes you,” his colleague offered with an absolute calm. “So kissing you sorta flipped his switch?”

Thomas glanced at Minho with a sigh. It probably looked that way from outsider’s point of view, he mused. Newt suddenly being nice to him, asking him to go for lunch together and then having all those weird quirks like hugging all of sudden or smooching him in front of everybody and all in all being quite affectionate, so coming to a conclusion of falling in love was logical. They didn’t know it was Isaac’s character and Isaac’s quirks and Isaac’s affection that Newt played, that it was part of the deal between them. All fake and calculated, all according to plan… until the trailer. Or so Thomas thought, because even though Newt was so confident in there, in the aftermath he just looked vulnerable and guilty, as if he took it too far but didn’t know how to remedy that.

Thomas kind of wanted an explanation. Anything would do, really, but Newt didn’t say anything, so Thomas decided to ignore it as well. Not that it was possible to just forget about it, but not talking about it worked.

“You know what,” he pushed away the plate and put down the coffee. “You’re probably right. He’s totally in love with me and he stayed home cuz he has to think of an elaborate love confession that will sweep me off my feet.”

Minho made a face but left him alone. Thomas was really looking forward to his day off tomorrow.

***

NEWT: So now you’re sulking?

Thomas blearily looked at his phone, the clock showed something past nine in the morning and he would never believe a text alert could actually wake him up.

THOMAS: What

NEWT: You’re not here, so I’m asking if you’re sulking

THOMAS: Weren’t you the first one to sulk yesterday?

NEWT: Called in sick

THOMAS: Yeah, aka sulking.

NEWT: I was sick, not sulking

THOMAS: Convenient.

NEWT: Was throwing up

THOMAS: Sure you were.

NEWT: C’mon, were you lonely?

THOMAS: Just enjoyed some peace and quiet for a change.

NEWT: You were and now you’re sulking

THOMAS: It’s my day off, Romeo. Fuck off my DMs.

NEWT: Wait, what

THOMAS: DAY OFF. LET ME SLEEP. FUCK YOU.

NEWT: In that order?

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he groaned and plopped the phone next to him on the bed, ignoring how it beeped several more times. He planned to sleep the whole day.

***

NEWT: Jesus, it’s so boring here without you

THOMAS: You’ll live.

NEWT: You should stop by

THOMAS: I don’t want to get molested, so no.

NEWT: Molested? Preposterous

THOMAS: You’re an old pervert.

NEWT: I’m quite young tho

THOMAS: Still a pervert to the boot. Touching my butt and all, no manners.

NEWT: I never said I have manners

THOMAS: I already knew you didn’t have any manners, trust me. No illusions.

NEWT: See so don’t act surprised

THOMAS: I was hella surprised, but I admit not really about the practice kissing as I was about the scripted one.

NEWT: Oh yeah not enough tongue

THOMAS: Like you got all shy.

NEWT: I got all professional

THOMAS: So the practice was all personal?

Thomas wasn’t surprised when no reply came.

***

NEWT: Sorta was personal yeah

The clock showed something past 7 in the evening and Thomas didn’t expect Newt to reply anymore. It took him three hours, but the text actually came and Thomas was staring at it with Who framed Roger Rabbit playing in the background.

THOMAS: Took you three hours to come up with that?

NEWT: If you didn’t notice I’m at work

THOMAS: No, I didn’t, you’re bothering me the whole day.

NEWT: I’m making it more pleasant you mean

THOMAS: No, not really.

NEWT: Liar

THOMAS: So what was personal about it?

NEWT: Your butt was

“Fucker, you just can’t give me a straight answer, huh,” Thomas grumbled, debating with himself if he wanted to continue the pointless conversation or not. Newt was all bold over the phone which was frustrating – in person he would never tell him all these things.

THOMAS: So you decided to practice some French on me cuz of my butt.

NEWT: Huh that sounds like a better excuse than the one I had prepared

THOMAS: You’re so fucking annoying. Just tell me wtf it was already or I’m turning my phone off.

NEWT: Damn you so mean today

THOMAS: Turning it off.

NEWT: Nononono wait

Thomas frowned and sent a question mark instead. He would rather to hear it personally but if Newt needed to hide behind the texts, maybe it was for the best.

NEWT: I’m totally in love with you and wanted to kiss you and grope your butt cuz yolo

THOMAS: Fuck off.

NEWT: What it’s a legitimate reason and also totally believable cuz Minho said so

THOMAS: Maybe you need better friends.

NEWT: Please love me back baby

THOMAS: You’re not my type.

NEWT: Don’t break my heart :(

THOMAS: I don’t like blond people.

NEWT: You don’t like … WHAT

NEWT: ARE YOU FOR REAL

NEWT: YOU HEATEN

THOMAS: Blond people are meh. All stupid. No brains, ever. It’s the bleach.

NEWT: Bleach! But I’m natural c’mon

THOMAS: That’s even worse. You were born with small to none brain already. You’re doomed to be an idiot for the rest of your life.

NEWT: Oof you real mean now

THOMAS: Newt.

NEWT: Yes

THOMAS: Seriously. Be honest with me.

NEWT: I’m honest. I’m really a natural blond

THOMAS: Do you like me or something? Or you hate me and thought it was a good prank? Or you went with the flow and sort of didn’t think of consequences cuz the kissing was nice? Did you freak out after and did the lame kissing thing during the scene on purpose? Or did you want to throw me off by it?

NEWT: Yes

THOMAS: Yes which.

NEWT: Just yes you can pick the one you like the most

Thomas turned his phone off and left it that way for the rest of the day.

***

It was Newt’s day off, Thomas knew that. Maybe that was why he went to work less stressed than in an opposite situation, but hated it all the same. Stressing himself over Newt was never really a thing, but he was always somewhere on his mind even before, though only because he found him annoying. But now it was different, tugging in the back of his consciousness and demanding attention 24/7, which quite frankly started to be a problem. Yesterday text exchange didn’t help matters either – it actually only made it worse.

“Wasn’t it your day off? You look like shit.”

Thomas stopped abruptly when Newt’s voice came and then there was coffee in his field of vision and a veiny hand that was holding it, and Newt stood there in white shirt and jeans, offering him the cup.

“Whose fault you think it is?” he barked and didn’t take the coffee in defiance. Newt looked guilty and it served him right.

“Yeah, I know,” the blond admitted and Thomas heard the sound of the cup hitting the table while he was on his way to the changing room. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“You came here today to tell me that?” Thomas refused to look at him. “You could have sent a text. You’re good at that.”

“You turned your phone off,” Newt opposed and caught up with him enough to walk beside him now.

“I told you I would if you keep that up,” Thomas uttered and was glad nobody else was here yet, since hearing them arguing about this was honestly slightly embarrassing.

“I know.”

He didn’t say anything else and Thomas was at the end of his rope.

“Jesus, what else do you want from me?” he finally stopped and looked at the infuriating man next to him in anger. “I played your stupid roleplay game, your practice game, your texting game and your hugging spree and I just don’t want to anymore, I’ve had enough. So just tell me the punchline already so we can go back to hating each other without pretending we’re fine!”

Newt took a deep breath, then another and another and then gnawed on his lower lip for several seconds, keeping Thomas in painful suspense. It made him want to leave him be and just close this chapter of his life, but then Newt finally opened his mouth and said: “I think you’re a bloody prick.”

Thomas stared at him, not really sure how to react. It took several deeper breaths from Newt and then he was talking again, this time in a lower voice.

“I always disliked you,” he said gravely. “You were just so opinionated and stubborn. I thought we could never bloody get along and then Jorge decided to put our characters together and I thought it’s the end, that we’ll kill each other eventually and it’s going to suck-,”

“Why-,”

“Let me finish,” Newt stopped Thomas’ speech quickly. “You bloody wanker, jesus. You just. Made things so hard, so needlessly complicated, I just couldn’t take it. Even at the first lunch you were so full of yourself, so confident you were in the right, it was maddening.”

“Holy shit, why-,”

“Just let me!” This time Newt raised his voice and it echoed in an almost empty studio almost eerily. Thomas shut up. He felt his body shaking and couldn’t even say why, his nerves were like too tightly bound strings.

“You insufferable…” Newt took another deep breath. “I just don’t get it. I don’t fucking know who I love. You or Stephen. I just don’t know who of you two is the one I just can’t leave alone; it’s making me so bloody frustrated.”

Thomas opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Newt would probably tell him to shut up again anyway.

“I kissed you back there, in the trailer, because I thought we gotta, cuz if I did that without you getting used to it, we would fail so hard,” Newt continued and started pacing back and forth, back and forth. “I thought it was smart of me, to just bait you, to make you angry so you wouldn’t protest. But then I kissed you and it all went to shit.”

He stopped, glaring at Thomas from under his blond fringe. He looked angry but at the same time not really.

“You played your part and I played mine and we clicked. You were still struggling, but you were nice to me and I was nice to you and I think it was kind of fun to do that, to play around like that. But now I don’t know. Now you’re here and I know it’s you who is angry at me, but it was you who I texted as well and I’m still bloody attracted to you-,”

“You’re not making any sense,” Thomas finally managed to say, silencing Newt to a complete stupor. “Me or Stephen, what’s that even supposed to mean? I’m me, for fuck’s sake, nobody else.”

“The you that hates my guts,” Newt pointed out with arms crossed on his chest.

“You hate my guts too!” Thomas barked and took a step forward.

“Well not anymore!” Newt copied him and then they were standing in each other’s personal bubble and everything was hot and frustrating and Thomas wanted to punch his lights out so bad, but he grabbed his shirt instead and mashed their mouths together.

There was not even a fraction of second of hesitation on Newt’s end. He grabbed Thomas’ head between his hands and immediately deepened the kiss like he was drowning and Thomas was the only air supply, licking into his mouth so insistently and pulling them together from head to toe, every part of their body touching. Thomas couldn’t breathe but he didn’t even want to, falling into the same frenzy, the same heat and rhythm of tasting, tasting, tasting and more, more, more.

“You just piss me off so much,” Newt was growling against his lips, biting and sucking in between the words. “You always have your way to press all my buttons like you have manual somewhere-,”

“Oh come on,” Thomas pulled Newt’s hand that insistently grabbed his butt away, imprisoning it in a steel grip. “You think you’re hard to read, you spoiled brat?”

“Yes, I am,” Newt struggled to break free and succeeded after a moment, immediately returning his hand on the spot Thomas wanted to keep him from. He even squeezed as if in victory. “You were bloody begging me yesterday to tell you why I frenched you in the trailer-,”

“Begging?!”

“You were pleading-!” Newt devoured his mouth again and Thomas found himself pressed against the wall again but now with Newt’s knee between his thighs, pressing up, making him whine. “You wanted to know, you needed to know what’s going on, you were so cute-,”

“Jesus, I hate you so much,” Thomas struggled against the hold but he only made the friction more insistent and instead of a curse a moan escaped his lips, only to be swallowed by Newt’s mouth closing over his again.

“You don’t mean that,” Newt purred into his ear once he moved his lips to Thomas’ neck, biting it with an obvious intent to leave a mark. “You actually like me, don’t you~.”

Thomas, to his own horror and maybe also relief, realized that he actually did like the guy. And to add to his even worse revelation – it was Newt who he fancied – the foul mouthed and frustrating brat rather than the all likable Isaac persona he was using.

He decided to keep it to himself.

[janiedean]

Why do you think the SW fandom is so knee-deep in SJ Calvinism? Because I understand wanting representation or being upset because a movie didn’t fulfill your expectations, but the “if you don’t ship X you’re racist” “if you don’t stan Y you’re bigoted” and the harassment over a disappointing movie is surprising just because of how pervasive it is. I was trying to find some St*rmpilot blogs to follow and the amount of hate is Yikes, especially the hate for Rose and the stans of a Certain Ship

eeeeeeh I think it’s because ep. 7 came out at the height of the... well, reaping the seeds the social justice calvinism had sown since 2014 so to speak? I mean, SW is hardly the one fandom where it happened (*cough* voltron and SU *cough*) but as SW is way broader in audience than those other shows that certainly didn’t help, but like, if you think on it, since 2013-ish (but I think before as well, I mean, I’ve been here since 2011 and already when I got here I felt like something was going very wrong when it came to politics-in-fandom-attitude), basically people on tumblr have progressively, when it came to fandoms:

pushed the idea that you have to over-analyze everything you consume through political lens;

pushed the idea that what you like and how you like it also has to be pushed through political lens and what you like says things about who you are as a person or your political leanings;

pushed the idea that if you care for something *problematic* just because you like it you’re excusing it;

pushed the idea that if you were problematic once you can’t ever not be problematic, you can’t change your mind and you can’t learn also because ‘it’s not my job to educate you’ so people either learn themselves or idek what but again, calvinism.

now obviously those politics are tumblr-politics which are also US centric like woah and are also high-school petty like woah, and since more or less then people have:

continuously other-ed lgbt people from *straight*/heterosexual people pushing a narrative where straight = bad and therefore putting it before anything automatically makes it a valid insult which added to the above means that if you ship het you’re already problematic regardless of whether you’re straight or not (and if you are.. lol);

pushed the performative feminism of Doom TM that says men and women should be equal but is like, an excuse to shit on men and on women who like men (see the rampant biphobia around and the whole ‘straight girls are so stupid if they’re into men they should try women’ discourse);

pushed the US terminology when it comes to the POC discourse, in the sense that everything works on the US-centered context where white people = white anglosaxon protestant, poc = everything else without realizing that in the rest of the world white does not equal wasp, that poc = black people only in most of europe (and no one who’s actually black or not white who lives in africa or asia and so on would describe themselves as poc because why the hell would you when your skin color/ethinicity is the norm where you live?), which also goes with the whole white passing debate which where I live would not exist but in that context is a mess because again, oscar i*saac is schroedinger’s poc (as in, he’s poc automatically for american standards because he’s latin-american but like he has the same skin tone as my mother and my mother in italy is white same as 90% of us, which means endless confusion) and assumed that all of us have to accept that terminology/context regardless of whether it’s valid in our countries;

kept on progressively putting minorities against each other in an endless loop of WHO HAS IT WORST/oppression olympics;

kept on progressively split hairs on issues that aren’t exactly, like, that important if there’s more urgent stuff to deal with because 90% of the activism here is performative;

made the 180° turn for which headcanons and shit are seen as, like, doing representation instead of, you know, supporting what rep is there never mind when people decide *one* ship is the right one and if another is canonized and it’s rep it gets thoroughly ignored;

pushed on a mindset for which if something isn’t perfect at the get-go then it’s canceled.

and so on.

like, all of that shit has been continuously not criticized because criticizing it especially if you don’t belong to a minority means that you’re out of line/discussing things that don’t concern you, but if you’re a minority and you criticize it then it’s suddenly YOU BETRAYED OUR CAUSE *INSERT SLUR HERE ABOUT PANDERING TO THE MAJORITY*, and the result exploded in toxic af fandoms, but like... if you look at the issues of the SW sequel trilogy fandom it’s all of that in a nutshell because:

k/ylo ren is automatically the worst because he’s white (horrible), a man (even worse), not canonically attractive (I didn’t touch on that topic bc I’m honestly not up for it mentally but lmao that counts too) and presumably heterosexual (or well, no one said he’s not but you know, since he’s a white dude on the bad side [supposedly] then we don’t give him the benefit of the doubt that he might be bi), so if you like ky/lo ren or relate to him you’re automatically problematic;

shipping re/ylo because automatically problematic because it’s a *straight* (evil) ship made of two white people (when there’s options to ship them both with people that aren’t white, so IT’S RACIST), they have an age gap (BAD BECAUSE POWER IMBALANCE) and it’s enemies to lovers, so it’s a context where people who don’t conceive redemption or that people can become better are basically crying problematic all the time, and the fact that people decided it’s *abusive* when it has like nothing that can equate it to a really abusive relationship says all;

ky/lux being the most popular slash ship immediately means that it’s the fault of the horrible straight (white) women fetishizing the (white) men on the dark side (when it’s most likely because for a while ky/lux was literally the only side of that fandom where people were chill/there wasn’t wank every other moment);

st/ormpilot has been declared The Right Ship because it’s two non-white men and it’s not straight which automatically turns into what I said before about hating other ships that would be rep anyway and feeds into the lowkey oppression olympics racism, because like if finn/rose becomes canon it’s still a mixed/biracial ship because he’s black and she’s asian....... except that it’s not the right ship for people who decided that finn has to be either with rey or poe (and guess what rey is white and poe is... schroedinger’s poc because oscar isaac in europe wouldn’t pass for *poc*), which to me has stank of lowkey racism since tlj came out because sorry but if ‘finn deserves better than rose’ or ‘finn should be with rey because if he doesn’t get rey then it’s unfair’ and the various other bullshit I read on the topic basically says that the white woman is *worthier* than the asian woman or that rose is a downgrade from rey which is fucking bullshit, rose isn’t even a bad character all the contrary. and that’s for the het side of it, but like then it’s not as good as stormpilot because it’s a straight ship (NOOOO THEY MADE FINN STRAIGHT/THEY’RE NOT MAKING THEM GAY THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT = stuff I legit saw on the tag) and ngl I’m 100% sure that the fact that daisy is Standard Attractive and kelly marie t/ran is lovely but doesn't conform to the usual beauty standard western-viewers apply on asian women did play a role in there, but: what did I say before? the slash ship is automatically better than the het ship never mind that they’re both biracial and rose is actually a rep (asian girls who don’t adhere to stereotypical body shapes - and like, the rep for all body types and shapes should be valid for all women, not just white) that isn’t exactly popular especially in mainstream cinema, so people should be happy.... but since rose is Not A Dude and Not Rey and Not The Right Kind Of Representation For That Crowd, automatically rose is a shit character and deserves to be viciously hated on. and this is a thing done by people who most likely then turn on the other side and talk shit about horrible straight women who hate the only female character for getting in the way of their slash ship without realizing that their rose hate is exactly that. and of course since sto/rmpilot is the two good guys, if you ship that then you also have to hate re/ylo because how can you, a person who ships The Good Ship On The Light Side, support such a problematic enemies to lovers thing? yeah, right, hahaha.

this also tbqh also pairs up with how on tumblr people only recognize mental health issues/abuse victims when the narrative suits them - like, being a bad victim automatically means you lose sympathy and mental health issues are only valid if you aren’t ***privileged*** otherwise why would you have them, which shows transparently in how a lot of people absolutely deny that ky/lo ren is a) an abuse victim, b) obviously mentally ill however it is that he deals with it, but no, he has to be The Most Horrible In Existence Because Otherwise We Should Have Empathy For A Bad Guy Who Also Might Get Redeemed And Redemption Is Not Happening Ever Because Bad People Don’t Deserve it.

like, all of the issues sw sequel trilogy has when it comes to the fandom are direct consequences of the nonsensical social justice calvinism climate on tumblr dot com that no one took care to put a stop to since 2013 and of its ridiculous oppression olympics and pitting people against each other and that was my take. cheers.

(ps: I also ship sto/rmpilot like woah and it’s my otp but there’s a reason why I unfollowed most SP blogs I followed and why I don’t go into the tag anymore - I’m not here for the anti-rose racism dressed up as performative wokeness, I’m not here to get lectured about as a white person I fetishize poc gay men if I ship it - yes I read that too - and I’m not here to read a bunch of meta about how re/ylo is a bad ship and blah blah blah, so yeah. I feel you.) (pps: ky/lo ren isn’t even my favorite character and I care relatively but gdi the way the fandom approaches him is honestly mindboggling in that sense, and I don’t mean people who actually dislike him because fair reasons, I mean people who can’t recognize his abuse victim status and the precarious status of his mental health. like, not all abuse victims and mentally ill people are the right victim or come from the right background and you can be cool motive still murder and still recognize that he’s like that because he has issues, not because he was drawn that way. /bye)

[imaginationxlost]

Name Meaning Tag Game

tagged by @blind-the-winds​

Rules: Search and post the meaning of your OCs’ names (if you made their name up or they go by a nickname, post an explanation of how it came to you)! Bonus if you can find something for their last name too

Okay, uh, these aren’t from any one story (though they re all from the same setting); just the ones I wanted to do.

Issac Riley

Issac is a variation spelling of Isaac, which means Laughter. Issac was named so long ago, that I don’t remember MY original reason, but I was able to say it’s meaning without looking it up, because I’d looked up the meaning more recently because I was thinking about In-Universe, Issac picking that name, because he’s trans.

See, what I ended up deciding (or more so he decided for me, because it seems like that how this goes lmao) Issac picked that name because he was wildly depressed at the time, and he wanted something optimistic and happy; a reminder that transitioning would help make things a little better. 

Riley, some thought on my part went into. Riley is a surname of English or Irish origin, and the ambiguity is very much intentional; not so much of any relevance to Issac, but very much of relevance to his Ancestor Vincent Riley. 

Vincent was from a wealthy English family that had Irish heritage and his father very much wanted to pretend otherwise, to the point of doctoring family trees and being even more of an abusive ass to his two children if either of them dared mention that fact, especially given Vincent’s high profile status as the Master. He was an English Colonist and believed the English were the greatest people would would ever live, and refused to acknowledged that his noble bloodline would be sullied by IRISH blood. 

The guy sucks, basically. And gave his son a million anxious complexes. Including being convinced that people would hate him if they found out his grandfather was Irish. 

The two meanings play into this too; the English one is boring; it’s just Rye Clearing. But for the irish, it’s derived from O'Reilly, which means descendant of Raghaillach, and Raghaillach means Valiant. So Riley basically means Descendant of the Brave, which is very much supposed to have mean for Issac, as him being a decent of the very brave- despite everything working against him- Vincent is important in the story.

For bonus points, his dead name was Isabelle, which means beautiful. 

Lucian and Lucille Darnell (together because it means the same thing)

Lucian and Lucille. Oh this one was VERY MUCH on purpose. I even have a little joke about it in setting, with Lucille’s in universe youtube channel being called “Lucille Light”, because Lucian/Lucille mean light. 

At first, this just seems like a joke; the kids who dress in almost entire black, with black hair and dark eyes, and literally use magic that is coloured black have names that mean light. Then you realize that haha demon magic, Lucifier- 

But no, no, that’s not my intention at all; see, the light is about shining a light on the horrific group they were born into; erasing the shadows of evil and whatnot. 

AND I got to do my twin-name thing there, because that’s a whole thing in that story; siblings and ESPCIALLY twins having matching names for magical reasons.

And for Darnell; also very intentional; it’s from the old French darnal, which meant “stupefied”, or referred to a plant that caused intoxication, which was very fitting for a family the originally started a cult where they isolate and brainwash people, I think, even if Lucian and Lucille end up destroying said cult.

Luke Gregory

You know what’s funny, I didn’t remember what his name meant when I looked it up, but dear god did I definitely pick this deliberately. 

Luke: Light-Giving. Gregory: to be watchful. 

He’s a seer. Luke’s whole thing is that he’s seeing an apocalypse constantly and trying to prevent it, and those names couldn’t be more appropriate if I tried. 

Uh, in character Luke, a trans guy, picked it because he’s a nerd and likes Star Wars. 

Nina Spring

Nina is a fun one, because neither of those are her actual name. She was a little girl from Mexico, and was abducted by fey when she was just 3, in the early 80s.

Her actual name was Valeria Candella, which meant, uh, strong, and candlemaker. Which plays into her now, as an incredibly powerful kid (and she’s still a kid; you age slower off your own home plane in this setting) who’s got a bit of a thing for Fire. 

But for the name she actually goes by? Spring is assigned by the court she’s raised in with the fey; the Spring Court. It’s literally the season. Nina came from the fact that her specific captors didn’t actually speak Spanish; it was a rush job, taking her, when it typically isn’t (and sloppy Foundling Abductions come back to bite fey in the ass in the story lmao), and they’d heard her called “la nina” a few times, so they just assumed Nina was her name, and not the Spanish word for girl. And she was little enough that she easily forgot her own name when no one was calling her that. 

Riichi Saito

Lastly is Riichi, who’s name I put a lot of thought into. They’re half japanese-american, so the kanji matter for what the name actually means.

The kanji for Riichi are  俐一, which means “Smart One”. The kanji for Saito are  彩冬, which “Color and Winter”. Riichi is a music prodigy, so by most metrics very smart, and the future Winter Monarch, and they have every intent to bring some metaphorical ‘color’ to the old traditions and way of doing things in the fey world, because it’s all very bad and broken.

Tagging: You, if you see this

[flockofdoves]

was trying to think of a way to divide up ocs on toyhouse so i don’t get too embarrassed about them yesterday but then it turned into just trying to list like every character i’ve ever made the vast majority of them i’d never put on toyhouse lol. but this was fun for myself even though i definitely forgot chracters and even whole stories from when i was younger

kinda old (definitely need updating they’re from when i was 17/18 and haven’t done much in recent years but nonetheless are my most recent ocs and i would probably like to do something with them someday still):

all the alienated characters - raul and michael primarily, also side characters like their relatives (lennie, joaquin, marcell, maybe also shinsuke, natalia, nina, naomi, hana, leela, etc) and friends (still need to name them lol) etc

justicia (less set on doing her story any time soon compared to alienated, but still theres something to it i might want to work with someday)

pretty old (like i was 16-17)

gf debate characters (this is actually older than a lot of the ones i list as even older in this list but i kept working on them til i was like 17 so they hold up better even if i don’t want to finish making their story anymore) - isaac, micah (micah is literally kinda from when i was 12 lol but i brought her to like 3 different stories and she was a boy in the first one too so shes basically not that character anymore), and then side characters like mirabel (originated in same story at 12 as micah), ayçin, anna, micahs mom and her wife, micahs cousin (another one from that old story) etc

those ocs that literally none of them have names or barely personalities i only ever did character sketches and basic concepts but its like a ghost story thing i was gonna do - 12 y/o baby butch protag, the ghost girl, baby butch’s trans girl cousin, cousins trans guy friend

really old (characters from when i was like 14-15 that did not really develop much from there. most of these are characters i have had fun with and maybe drawn since but are goofy and don’t hold up in a lot of aspects and most of them i’ll probably never pick up for stories again)

football lesbians - monica, wanda, and rania

pigeon magical girls (technically maybe i actually finished a very abbreviated version of their origin story for a school art project when i was 15 lol but i planned to do more back then and now i dont want to) - zehra, ronni, the pigeon, probably not amy and zoë that was just a cameo for myself of ocs from when i was like 11 lol

naomi’s story (this one i might actually want to do something with someday, i wrote a short story about it plus a bit more, but i have to make some serious changes i don’t really think i thought of some of the implications of some stuff in it before) - just naomi and the ghost basically. not to be confused with naomi in alienated who is michael’s sister they are not at all the same person

assorted characters that never really had a story - mels and cvijeta, charlotte (thought about putting her in football lesbians. she does basketball but. jock wlw you know)

really really old (characters from late middle school, like 13-14)

uhhh that wizards story. it never had a name idk. i still kinda like them though tbh even if i’ll never do anything with them anymore - tess, ali, nataline, brandy, mo, remora, cnidarian

really really really old (characters from the middle of middle school, like 12-13. at this point my recollection of what came before what might be kinda off tho)

that fae folk in pennsylvania and ohio story - emilia, ilana, micah (first version! lol), mirabel, that boy that i just hate and don’t remember the name of and resent making a character that had a crush on micah, micahs cousin, darling/angel (a faerie that just went by terms of endearment as if they were names), uhhh the second group of characters in a different more rural town i tried to write that i dont remember the names of

haunted victorian house story - benji, aisha, elizabeth

updated onex arget (fantasy world i wrote about a lot when i was in elementary school) story - nai, rieae

idk this story never had a name and barely a plot beyond ivy and victor becoming friends and venting to each other - victor, ivy, miles, maitê

forks and spoons (story i improvised with my little cousin who was like 8 at the time lol) - florimundi(?), i’m forgetting literally all 3 of the other characters names lol (maybe reese and victor for two of them??? but maybe not bc those are also other very old characters that idk if i reused the names of)

theo and ted - theoni and theodore (aka theo and ted!), oh also that guy they meet who wears like. a trench coat iirc

super old (characters from the later half of the 6th grade and early 7th, like 12ish)

really dumb story about a closeted trans person with did getting transformation powers - i actually dont remember the main character and their main other alters names anymore, i remember the other character they had a crush on stephan though

all those characters in bands that i never actually could settle on a story for beyond a variety of interpersonal drama. very inspired by the webcomic jenny hanniver tbh - avery, mark, etti, adrian, xavier, pepper, uhhh theres literally So Many more of them and also so many i dont remember the names of anymore but just for some that come to mind. that periwinkle colored hair in a bowl cut character that always wore a beanie who was in avery’s band whos names on the tip of my tongue (maybe that was etti and the character i’m calling etti was called something else?? maybe victoria? maybe andy? maybe andy was an entirely different 3rd character?? idk. actually yeah i’m positive bowlcut character was etti rereading this), xaviers ex-boyfriend who was obsessed with homestuck (lmao), that guy with red hair i accidentally directly ripped off the design of some jenny hanniver character, that goth guy with braces and glasses (maybe he wasnt in this?), that screamo band with 2 lead singers, that guy with brown hair that said he was straight with an exception (msfdkjghhsfd god), that person with the emo haircut in flame colors, this literally is not even all the characters lol

extremely old (largely from 6th grade, like age 11ish. weird period of time where i suddenly wanted to write about romance but thought it had to be straight but then very quickly was like ‘wait actually nvm i have a laptop now and think i’m bicurious i’m only gonna write about gay people)

gsa story (this might have been the summer before 7th actually but it feels distinctly before the other stuff in the last category so idk maybe just my whole impression of when i made things for middle school is off) - emmy(?), allie(?), noah(???), some other kid, i think noah(?) or the other kid got reused to be the guy i regretted making a part of that faerie story who liked old micah lol, maybe more kids, their teacher

idk that kid with blue hair and black eyes with white irises and his sister

middle school lesbians - leah and cass

lesbian who works in food service and there were weird references to comic books but filtered through me referencing an obscure emo humor youtube channel that made jokes about comics i’d never read - amy, zoë, amy’s straight best friend i dont remember the name of??

tosca (this wasnt straight romance but it was like the last thing pre me always having lgbt main characters) - idk. there were two characters i drew like once. theres nothing to note about this except wanting to make it is what made me learn about webcomics

that story i posted the first chapter of on quibblo about a hippie girl (somehow in 2010?? dont ask me) and an emo boy liking each other before abandoning to never write about cishet romance again. didnt even get to the romance part lol - i forget her name. maybe it was april? maybe it was florimundi and i reused it later for another character, nix, reese (her goth lesbian best friend. thank god for reese)

first attempt at straight romance. also about like. idk. fantastical powers in clouds in providence rhode island - selia, shay, cassandra, selias other friend i forget the name of??

ancient (literally elementary school ocs. obviously theres a lot of grades covered here but its just my memory and ability to reference this is so loose idk if i could even try to accurately divide it further)

shadow magic - mezzaluna, her aunt tabby(?), alexa

a, j, & j (barely counts i didnt do anything with them. those are the only characters also)

arine (some of these characters might not be arine characters and just from other onex arget (fantasy world i wrote a bunch of stories in and made a shitty conlang for and stuff) stories but i just dont really remember) - lia, lias sister, dibujurm, that other fantastical creature who was friends with dibujurm i forget the name of that kinda looked like calcifer from howls moving castle but fuzzy not an actual fire (maybe isigo??), emiaelaesa, that obnoxious prince (i think the story was called arine bc that was his name?), the prince’s servant, there absolutely were more

the musical adventures of shiri and don - shiri, don, some evil villain and his henchmen

rosington (there were like no characters besides her. weird junie b jones rip off with nonsensical humor to everyone but me)

that tree prophecy story (maybe set in onex arget?) - nico, emi (?? maybe not her name), their uncle (i forget his name, maybe lester?), their uncles shipmates, that fortune teller

idk some kid that goes on a scavenger hunt to solve a mystery on vacation in like bermuda or something where he meets some quirky girl character who helps him. thats all

i had some characters that started out as me trying to draw characters from the book hoot by carl hiaasen but for some reason then turned into my own ocs and looked nothing like those characters were described and also basically had nothing to do with them in personality and action beyond name after a while. - beatrice and napoleon. this was in a phase where i got a ‘how to draw anime’ book and napoleon straight up looked like a yugioh character his hair was ridiculous

those fake siblings i made up and lied to a substitute teacher in kindergarten about me having 6 siblings because of for absolutely no reason even though i only have one sibling irl

imaginary friends i shared with my brother and then made stories about - theres so many of these, the most important though was chick-chick-chick. who was a very small chick who wore a top hat. and then he had a family(?) of infinitely smaller chicks (chick-chick-chick-chick, for example) the more “chicks” you added to the name

[horn-crownned]

my ass got tagged n im by far too lazy to do it on my actual blog so here we go

name. Isaac Mikhalitsyn (too lazy to give him a middle name) nickname(s). (the) Demon Ram, Project Steel Ghost age. 21, varies depending on verse species. human turned ghoul

p e r s o n a l .

morality. lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / grey / evil religious belief. Confused, the idea of god comforts him but he doesn’t pray sins. lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath virtues.  chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice primary goals in life. to live as normal a life he can, to understand why his friend didn’t tell him, to be happy    languages known. English, Russian, Japanese

secrets. that he’s a ghoul, the fact that his insides used to belong to the secret love of his life, he knows his parents miss him but he doesn’t want them getting hurt. quirks. covers his face when he’s flustered or nervous, has a bad habit of chewing his nails down to the quick and making himself bleed savvies. bargaining, calming people down. Willing to risk his life for anyone he thinks deserves it

p h y s i c a l .

build. slender / scrawny / bony / fit / athletic / curvy / herculean / babyfat / pudgy / obese / other height.  5′5 (hes as tall as me so this might change) weight. u expect me 2 kno around 100 pounds maybe more, he kinda fluctuates scars/birthmarks. Burn/puncture scar on either side of his stomach area, one just above his belly button and the other right around the line of his pants (more so above than below, it doesnt affect that sweet ass lmao) various scars on his hands from making himself bleed/shit from when he was a kid abilities/powers. basically invincible skin, healing, the Rinkaku variation of a Kagune, however, he has to feed in order for most of these to work, and he can’t control his Kagune well restrictions. low stamina, some hearing issues, some nerve damage to his spine/midsection (no touch!!)

f a v o u r i t e s .

favourite food. (mello) he loved his mother’s cooking favourite drink. Mostly used to be hot chocolate or tea with honey in, now not so much favourite pizza topping. Cheese favourite colour. Probably light pink/some variation of purple favourite music genre. He’ll find a song on youtube or somewhere and listen to it for a month, get tired of it, and then find a new one favourite book genre. Crime, fantasy, mystery favourite movie genre. stuff that makes him smile, animation favourite season. Summer/autumn favourite curse word.  Fuck, probably favourite scent. — Old books, cinnamon and vanilla, cake related things (bake shops, etc.) 

f u n  s t u f f .

bottom or top. 110% bottom, he couldn’t top to save his life loud burper or soft burper. soft/depends sings in the shower. yes / no (he only does it when he thinks hes alone) likes bad puns. yes / no  their opinion on the mun. A bad parent but still a parent, kinda puts him in bad situations but it’s ok

TAGGED BY: @icecoffeemonster TAGGING: @mucheniks , @ryuzaki , the squad (@beyondsacidicdesires)

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 7 "We're Just A Group Of Happy Campers" - Dom

Is it bad that the reason I love this challenge is because of seeing the suffering its making people go through.......why am i a hero again

Why is it final 20 but I feel like I've nearly made jury? hmmm? Anyways...I feel good with how I've played up to this point. Being 1 of 3 villains to never receive a vote certainly feels good.....but I still know I have eyes on me since I haven't exactly been SUPER subtle??? Granted, I totally thought they were going to blindside me in the Linus vote given my shady business in the Alex vote (I mean....I can't deny it, I was def shady) but they didn't! Although I would feel much better if I could somehow snag an idol....but I'm not sure how anyone could get one without an idol clue (that was likely received by pure luck...) so for now, I kinda just have to be vulnerable to a successful idol play by someone that hates me (aka Richie) But if Richie were smart, he'd be coming to people besides Tommy/Kage to rally votes against Kage (or maybe Junior?), but he hasn't yet, which makes me believe that either A) There's a group that doesn't have me in it B) Tommy has Richie controlled C) Richie just isn't smart Cuz right now, the only people I'd consider voting are Richie, Kage, and Junior.... here's to hoping I either master Japanese and scam this immunity or survive one last vote before the swap! VL Confessional: I used to think I was pitied upon for my flop of a social game but hey maybe I have one??? or not. i cant tell if these people just tolerate me or like me or are using me. fuck all of 'em. who knew a hero could survive on the villains tribe for so long???

So it turns out both tribes are going to tribal, which means I actually have to start thinking about who to vote for........... LMAO JK I'VE BEEN PLANNING THE NEXT FOUR PEOPLE TO BE VOTING OUT OF OUR TRIBE SINCE WE FIRST VOTED OUT MIST! Ruthie, it's your turn sweetheart. After ranking all of the people I want out of the game, you're significantly the most dangerous because you play UTR, and you make it super deep every time, and you killed All Stars from what I was told (until you got targeted for being TOO GOOD once it came to merge). You're not someone I can just think about working with because I'm afraid you're going to beat me in so many aspects. It's just a respect thing, no hard feelings hopefully considering you seem like a really stand up girl. I think it's about that time I message you with the "well.... time to go to tribal" message :/

So yea.... Ruthie is starting to spread like wildfire and already I've planted the seed in Drew, Andrew, Pippa and Steffen, and all of them are spreading that around QUICK. Drew and I got added to a bros alliance with Trace, Ashton, Steffen and Dom, which I wanted to happen anyways. Not necessarily with Drew, but Drew being in it is actually perfect because Drew is in my other alliance with Kendall, Alex, Pippa, Isaac, Andrew, which means the ONLY person not in either alliance chat was Ruthie, which made it really easy to rationalize with Drew as to why we needed to take that route. Also, making an easy vote this round, considering there's massive potential for a tribe swap next round, we don't want ANY split votes. We need to show that the heroes are one unit for now. The only downside I can see with this is if I get swapped onto a tribe with minority heroes, and the Villains would want to break up our cohesive team. The only thing I know is that if I go to tribal, I've got at least a second lease on life in this game because I have that idol with Steffen, so after finding the idol, I'm not too worried about swaps anymore because I know there's a very good chance I'll make it out of the swap alive. The swap is going to be where I start making bonds with Villains I've yet to interact and play with; like Junior, Richie, Jonathan, Brian, etc. Players, who I want relationships with, but don't have yet because we're on opposite tribes. This swap is going to be interesting, and I'm really excited to see it play out if we get the chance, and if we don't get the chance, it'll probably be Kendall or Alex C. going home next tribal council because that's what I want to happen, which means it's likely to come true. I honestly don't understand how people don't see that the name I want, I get....... tbh I'm pretty sure Andrew might be onto the fact that I wanted Ruthie gone, when Andrew wanted Kendall or Drew, and all of a sudden people going for Ruthie, it seems that it could easily be traced back to me, but I doubt it. I think i'm good for now, and I hope Andrew knows that he can trust me. Another thing I really need to work on is my long term relationships with Pippa and Isaac because I really haven't had as many conversations with them, but I hope that they both know that it'll be really hard for me to turn on them because they're so nice and also not the STRONGEST of players, which makes for a great goat late game. I'm not sure, but I'm just taking it one step at a time for right now, and if I make it past this one, I'm in the final 18, which actually seems like a big accomplishment just due to the fact that so many fucking people have gone home already, so pat on the back to me, but I'm not even close to my goal yet. 

uh tommy is fucking hard to deal with because he seems so easily persuaded ...its sad anyways alex and ...linus (rip holy fuck) are gone...i wish richie went when linus did but if i have to sacrifice linus to get to swap then like..so fucking be it. so the tru hunties ( me, crow, jon and tommy) are now in a beautiful spot because the vote is looking to be richie or brian so obv we have majority now tommy wants other things so i just need to give him a lot of attention. TBH I love that boy so much but i can see why andreas says were similar.. because were both crazy and def on the villains for a reason. But im glad hes crazy loyal bc im loyal af to him <3 <3 <3 it seems like either ruthie or someone else is going on the heroes but kendall aka my gf told me shes in a majority alliance with isaac, her, drew, alex, andrew and pippa so i mean like ...GET IT. they will prob save ruthie?!?! because she seems to be like off limits always ANYWAYS BRIAN IS ANNOYING AND IM TIRED OF CROW LOVING HIM BUT IM TRYING NOT TO BE APPARENT ABOUT IT BRIAN IS IN CONSTANT ...annoying mode it seems like..hes such a snake he basically sells anyone out to get further and i mean like theres a difference between doing it to someone who ur not loyal to and who is not loyal to u but crow and i are loyal af to him (at least they think im loyal to them?) jeejejjejeje anyways i want richie gone but if richie has an idol?? then like...i mean idrc because i know i have one so im good hehehehehohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoh I GUESS that was my evil laugh dklfhjdskjfh

hi im secretly fluent in Japanese.

lol why do i always talk to people before they get voted out just in case they dont ... brian(but pat went instead) ash alex linus and now richie i feel like a bitch but ive been honest with them -but lowkey i feel like this is saving my ass in case they stay so they think im gr8 hehehehohoh plspls swap us soon also kendall is so oblivious about johnny she was like omg keep johnny safe like btich hes talking to all the villains and the boys on my tribes are attention whores so they will love him soon enuf...hes cute and his social game is on fleek so i need to watch out for him heheheoehoh

So, I just wanna point out that yesterday Drew told me he wanted to get Ruthie out. So of course I was the one to bring it up to the group so that if it comes down to it I can say that I helped push it towards Ruthie. I trust the group but lowkey if I get out I won't be shocked? But once this vote happens, especially if it happens the way I think it will, then I can have a lot more faith in the group I'm with.

https://youtu.be/wjK-9yevt_w

Me: jonathan told me that jr told him he only trusts jonathan LOL 🐦 Crow Jones 🐦: jr is literally such a garden snake 🐦 Crow Jones 🐦: like a real snake would at least do it better crow is so gr8 i love him..he still savage and will prob win over me but i still love him 

So Linus died last round for no reason other than he was on the outs.  But like challenge strength kiddies !!! And now they're targetting Richie to stay united right before a swap.  Like.. get Kage or Junior or Tommy out thnx.  They're the most toxic to villains unity and WHEN I get fucked by them non-sexually, I will be choking myself.

ALSO, I miss Jaiden so much.  These people are kinda lame-os.  I like them as people, but like 👀

Phew, I'm glad to have immunity. But beyond that, I'm really realizing that I cannot relate to most of these people. They don't show their true colors and it's annoying af. You wanna know what Crow is thinking? Ask Crow. like caw-caw bitch I'll tell ya! Richie is going cuz he decided to throw my name in the mud. nuh uh. that dont fly with me. since it's been a while, i need to do my weekly tribal roast Junior - Like I told Sarah, he's a garden snake. It's like the one you kinda feel bad for just squirming along in your front yard acting like some mean 'ole cobra. Not subtle or good at playing the snake, next. Tommy - Literally has the same convos with nearly everyone. His social game is that of a robot and it's definitely apparent now that I'm playing with him again. I just hope these other fools don't fall for it too. Kage - I don't know how he's still here cuz everyone he's made an alliance with has gone home (besides Tommy but Tommy's aligned with everyone). That's why I'm keeping my distance. Richie - We went our separate ways. He actually seemed chill until he blew up before the Alex vote. Hopefully his 14 seconds of fame was worth it! Brian - love this boi. I can relate to him a TON but idk how he seems to always do well in ts....if it weren't for people like Sarah and I, he could have easily been 25th this season I think? Maybe he's a mastermind idk, but I haven't figured him out yet as a player.. Jonathan - I love his realness, which is why I stuck by him when his name was thrown out and when I had to pick an alliance. He probably doesn't trust me for shit, but he's been a good asset to my game, particularly this round. Sarah - I wouldn't say she's my ride-or-die per se cuz I know she's werking her social game with a lot of people, but we've been in every alliance together so far, so strategically, I see us going far together until we are separated. But I also know she's a villain. I'm a villain. Villains don't work together loyally 5ever!!

BRIAN IM SORRY YOU DONT DESERVE THIS!!!! Ugh I hate everything. Last night junior came to me with a plan to save me and I'm like cool and whatever keeps me here idgaf I'm in self preservation mode. Junior says Jonathan is super connected in the tribe and I'm like ya true and goes on this long spiel about it and I just wanted him to get to the point but finally he was like I think Brian would be the easiest vote. And ughhh I really like Brian and he's been the most on my side since the beginning out of the people left. Like literally everyone that I have any game connection with leaves. Ashley Jaiden Alex Linus and now Brian it's enough I'm so over it if he leaves and we don't swap and lose I'm FUCKED. BUT IM ALSO FUCKED RN. So Brian leaving is bad for me moving forward the alternative is that I leave and there is no moving forward so like..... It's not much of a choice there's no way I can flip this game around I spent the last 2 rounds since Alex left trying to shift the target onto Sarah and that didn't work at all I have no traction with these people. So step one was I mention Brian's name to tommy and tommy of course was so ambiguous and like just prying for information and I wasn't trying to throw Brian under the bus but I just wanted to plant the seed that Brian might be the easy vote plus tommy did vote for Brian week 1 so maybe there's some tension there??? So from there junior went and talked to tommy and kage and got them in on the Brian vote so if they're legit we only need one more but that's where it gets tricky because Sarah/crow/Jon are all going to vote together and I literally called Sarah and crow out in front of the tribe and threw them under the bus with receipts and hardcore exposure campaigns to multiple people on this tribe lmao so I'm fucked But I went to Sarah and we had a long talk just small talk and socializing and then moved to game talk where I really played up the emotional aspect where "I've been so alone and I was hurt that I thought I found my people and it all came crashing down and I just feel so isolated and it sucks and I'm sad :(" and I apologized really sincerely and tried to smooth everything over and just like make it so she's not scared of me sticking around because if she's doesn't think I'll come after her then the plan for junior to approach her to vote out Brian is more apt to get rolling because that door has already been opened.   I dont know if I'm going to still be here I can't play the in your face campaign against Brian or try and flip the script outright strategic game rn I have to just be in the background and make the case for why keeping me isn't harmful to anyone's game and let other people take care of numbers and I hate it when other people have any say in my destiny because if this tribe has proven anything it's that they can't be trusted like junior is SUCH a wimp when it comes to making moves he's so afraid of doing anything that if he thinks he's not going to be able to get the votes on Brian I know he'll give up on trying to save me so having him being the leader of the save Richie parade is truly terrifying. Ugh time has passed and junior is heckling out and I'm trying to convince crow now and I'm working my ass off while at dinner with my family and my phones going to die so RIP???????

http://youtu.be/9ptMGA9SUO0 oooo

So like nothing has happened on the heroes tribe because we've literally been on this huge winning streak. The streak itself has made things easier and challenging at the same time. We've grown so close that besides Drew or Steffen I don't want to see anyone leave. Had Drew lost immunity I would've tried my hardest to send him home because I have a sneaking suspicion Steffen and Drew have something going on and if we take out Steffen first that'll piss Johnny off, who we need as a number. So Drew has to go before Steffen as lon as they're on the same tribe with Johnny. Because Drew won immunity everyone decided to play it safe and either vote for Ruthie or Kendall and I think everyone decided on Ruthie because Kendall is on the edge of death and Ruthie is a huge social threat. I love her to death like she's the definition of a hero but we can't let her make it far.

I'm sad, maybe my heart wasn't in it as much this time as it was for me during Arabia? I'm not sure, I really thought I could trust Andrew, Steffen and especially Drew but I should have known better, fought harder and tried to make stronger connections with other people on my tribe.  It was a fun experience and I hate that Richie, Alex and I left so soon and that the three of us didn't get to be on a tribe together but maybe we'll get a chance to play together again one day and the Family will make it to the end for real! Right now I'm not sure who I'm rooting for.  Steffen and Drew seem to be putting out the most effort but I'm bitter that they didn't tell me my name was being thrown around.  We'll see, I'm going to follow the season closely and cheer everyone on though!

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 7 - “"I Love Lies and Deceit" - Isaac”

LOGAN

IF I DONT WIN IMMUNITY IM GOING HOME KNOW THAT THATS ALL HELP PLEASE I CANT GO HOME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

OWEN

Well well well!!! Ryan B went home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surprise surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :~) I threw a vote on Scott just in case Ryan, who did absolutely no campaigning whatsoever, had an idol or something from the labyr*nth. But he didn't and he's dead so! Fun!!!!!!!!! Anyways... I want to win individual immunity kind of, although I think I have a good case to get Jay out of here. Still, I don't know what Duncan will think of me if Jay DOES get shipped off, and it might be better for me if Scott goes because I've never talked to Scott and there's no relationship there? With Trevor and I on the same tribe there's always the worry someone will want to split us up but I don't see how that benefits anyone really because we'll just be a target at merge. We're like an extra fat meat shield :) use us :))))))))) anyways, none of my alliance wants to win immunity because the challenge is an unnecessarily difficult version. It worries me that we all feel cocky enough to...not try lmao afsdkhdfsjfds which makes me want to try but at the same time??? I don't want to do that it's finals week and it's too much. I just want to merge so I can fuck everyone up

LOGAN

also everyone in this game? likes me as a person? but i think ERRYONE knows im a threat and im in the bottom so i need to win. that is all. love rob. ill die for rob. 

JD

Yeah, this challenge is going to be bad... I'm much sorry

-

Jesus fuck. That sucked... I hope i never have to do anything like that again. 4 hours of my life i wont be getting back *sigh* but i saved that cute little rock from the underworld, yes i did.... I think I'll name him... He- hey! My rock just does back to the underworld... Well there goes that. *Le shrug* (sleepy Jessy is sleepy)

SCOTT

I am shocked I survived the vote. But I am confident I will most likely be voted out at the next tribal, and since the challenge is basically computer slavery. I am screwed. WELP *Prays for the merge* 

LOGAN

woooo, my death is happening!

-

IN THE GAME I MEAN IN THE GAME I PROMISEHTBDFGJNSDKMZ

TREVOR

Sam chose me to go to the labyrinth. A good ally. Maybe I will take him to the end. 

-

We're voting for Jay. I kind of insisted it without discussing it which is bad but I wasn't in the mood. 

It's either gonna tie with Scott or be 4-3-1 as I'm gonna try and get Scott to vote for Owen if he comes online. If it does tie we will vote Jay on the revote so it's fine. I have Lydia's 20% challenge advantage because I'm not allowed to give it back to her. Oh well. I'm sure we're swapping or merging after this.

SAM

https://youtu.be/ZNx-K60v4BU

ROB

Literally the only person who I did not to win. Fuck I think I couldve done it. Lazy ass. I'm definitely in danger once more. 

SAM

MORE CONFESSIONS yeah i'm pretty nervous about tribal tonight. i'm afraid that one of the newbies is going to get voted out, so i might have to appeal to duncan that the newbies are on his side. or that i can get them to be on his side because i think they might be down to vote for him. they're concerned with mending fences and they believe that duncan might not help them but LIKE LOOK DUNCAN WILL PLAY WITH ME AT MERGE AND MATT SUMMERS ISN'T CALLED MATT FUCKING SUMMERS FOR NOT REASON so i'll have to check in on everyone later today and make sure their heads are in the right spot. that's all. at least it isn't me.

SCOTT

This song goes to my tribe if they vote me out (Verse) Wrap it up, I said I don't have time I guess you're outta luck, but I'm doin' fine Give it up, you don't wanna act like you care And I don't want a house full of her hair (Pre-Chorus) (And you said) Literally, babe Are ya gonna give up so easily? I thought I meant more I thought you was stronger... (And you said) Literally, babe I've been stressing about us all day, well Guess you bit off more than you can chew I've got li-te-ra-lly nothing to say to you (Chorus) You wanna play me till I kick you out You wanna call me when you're feeling down Beggin' on your knees, BITCH PLEASE! And when I finally let you bring me close You wanna promise me you'll never go Then you wanna leave, BITCH PLEASE! (Interlude) Don't text me, you're pathetic, BITCH PLEASE! This is the only way you'll hear from me, HA! Don't text me, you're pathetic, BITCH PLEASE! This is the only way you'll hear from me, HA! (Verse 2) Listen up, you don't get a goodbye You don't get another shot to make me everything I'm not I'm a girl on fire, I'm a girl who dreams And you're a boy who needs to stay the hell away from me (Pre-Chorus) (And you said) Literally, babe Are ya gonna give up so easily? I thought I meant more I thought you was stronger... (And you said) Literally, babe I've been stressing about us all day, well Guess you bit off more than you can chew I've got li-te-ra-lly nothing to say to you (Chorus) You wanna play me till I kick you out You wanna call me when you're feeling down Beggin' on your knees, BITCH PLEASE! And when I finally let you bring me close You wanna promise me you'll never go Then you wanna leave, BITCH PLEASE! (Bridge) And it hit me like a ton of bricks Like a ton of your ugly hats When I was broken, when I was lonely When I was reachin' out for your hand That the sun could go down My shadow and taunts, there's no-one around, I swear We're as lonely as with you there (He's not gonna get that...) (Whatever!) (Chorus) You wanna play me till I kick you out You wanna call me when you're feeling down Beggin' on your knees, BITCH PLEASE! And when I finally let you bring me close You wanna promise me you'll never go Then you wanna leave, BITCH PLEASE! (Interlude) Don't text me, you're pathetic, BITCH PLEASE! This is the only way you'll hear from me, HA! Don't text me, you're pathetic, BITCH PLEASE! This is the only way you'll hear from me, HA!

MATTEW

So...double tribal. Yikes! I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot at this point. I have an alliance with people that I don't think have any reason to flip, but the only troubling thing is the fact that there could potentially be a boatload of rewards and items out there just waiting to get played. Hopefully my alliance is the only one who has gained access to Room 5, but there's always that uncertainty about the Labyrinth that's super scary. We could easily try to play it safe and blindside someone again, but now's not the time for paranoia. I've been thinking a lot about numbers come merge and I'm starting to realize that Trevor is probably at the center of the dynamics of the other tribe. He has Owen and Lydia that he's really close with, who each have people that can branch off to form a majority. I want to trust Ryan when merge comes, but we've been apart for so long at this point that I can't be certain where he his loyalties lie until we can meet back up and talk game again. My point is, there's a lot of uncertainties that could lead to me being in the minority come merge so my focus for the next few rounds is to keep as many people happy with me as possible. I mended bridges with Logan a bit and we've had some pretty solid game talks, so hopefully they're being honest about being willing to let Rob go and they're not just trying to screw me over. I'm going to have to start talking with Duncan again, because there's a lot of uncertainty and distrust between us and if we're going to be able to form a majority at merge, we're going to have to patch things up and look forward. Still, preparing to get #snatched at tribal council tonight.

JD

What kind of evil was that! Escape from hell???? Na man, i think I'll just stay there next time... I mean i saved the rock though! That rock... That will help me do absolutely nothing. By God. 

Okay seriously though, i have control issues. I get that, i know that and I'll embrace my faults. I also think it's one of the reasons why I'm so worried about this tribal. I've had class all day and i haven't been able to really talk to people the way that i want to. I can't get a read on the other three to know if they are really going to stay with us or if they are just planing something with some items. The only thing that I'm not worried about is the idol, maybe that means I'm putting too much trust in Sam but i did save his ass last time we were in tribal. And yes I'm taking all the credit for it because even with Ali's extra vote, my tribe wanted to vote for Robby and i believe that i changed their minds. I saved Sam. Sam best not be fucking with me. Right so last night me and Sam talked in length about what he wanted to do in this game. He told me that Duncan gave him the idol. Something about after you use it you have to give it to someone else. So if he's telling me the truth, and i really think he is, he has the idol. He also wanted to know if i had  any connections with anyone on the other side .... I mean yes! The other half of my final four is over there... I didn't tell him THAT though. I told him that when Trevor came over we talked but mostly about being old... Which was not a lie. That was the first thing we talked about, and being Canadian. Me and Ali liked him enough and checked with Lydia about bring him in with us and i hope that they really have been able to work out their differences Because here is my set up. Final 2 - me and Ali (we can't take a vet with us, that's just asking to lose) Final 4 - me, Ali, Lydia, Trevor (idk what our name is anymore but i really liked when we gave ourselves seasons so I'm going with 4 seasons right now) Final 5 - 4 seasons and Sam because i still think Sam owes me and i plan to collect on that at some point. Final 8 - Owen, Matt, Isaac. And if the 8 of us can get together straight out of the merge, if that happens after tribal, then there would be 12 players in the game. We have more then majority and we get ride of a couple people before shit hurts the fan I'm sure. At 10 it might get bloody cus everyone is going to have their own groups that they want to go to the end with. Right so that all came from mine and Sam's conversation was that he wants to work with Trevor and Owen, because they are a power couple and he thinks they would be targeted before any of use. Which would be truth if Trevor wasn't in my main alliance. All this could go to shit tonight. Any four of us could get voted out or Lydia and Trevor might have decided to leave me and Ali behind. We'll see. About to vote and I'm such a control freak that I'm trying to figure out how to be more involved. Like lying to Logan and telling them to vote for Matt or Sam to see if we can trust her. But... There so much bad that could happen. God I'm going home tonight -_-' 

ROB

If you're not going to stay loyal to me then you can't expect me to stay loyal to you. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay alive in this game, even if it means turning my back on the people I was close to. JD*sigh* i thought this tribal was set. I hate scrambling ready 

ALI

This tribal is awful :( Rob is the general consensus, and I'm being especially nice for two reasons. A) Because I feel really bad B) Because I don't want him to play an idol and for his one vote to vote me out. I wanted to work with him, but that core Olympus 3 was just too tight grr. I wish we could vote off Duncan, he is kinda shifty and I'm still put off by him lying to me... Next time... Also, whoever invented that challenge can CATCH THESE HANDS. It was awful. Also, Scott is probably going tonight, which'll make me one of two newbies left and the only Brit. If Rob goes also, I think I become the youngest person, the only Brit and one of two newbies.... I'm going into extinction.

ISAAC

I love lies and deceit. All of a sudden I'm shook about Trevor keeping me out of the loop™ So me, myself, and I and my petty ass are going to be ugly™