#bartender moon beloved

[notdysfunk]

What can I get for you, Starlight? 🌙🍷

[mischeva]

Fuck this stupid baka show man I’m gonna do whatever I want

ramblings under cut

Okay so here’s a little summary of the reimaginings of each character

Alastor - A hellborn demon that was tasked by Satan to watch over Dani and basically be like a nanny to her and help her with her endeavors. He doesn't particularly like Dani, but he'll put on a bright smile and be a good sport about things. He owes Satan big time and this is his debt being paid. Whatever that means....

Husk - A greedy, grumpy old manticore that becomes the bartender/chef of the hotel. Has a soul contract with Alastor so works under him for Dani. Actually becomes really good at his job and even begins to enjoy it and spending time with the others. Out of everyone though he seems to spend the most time with Angel Dust. They talk to each other like they know each other. Who knows… maybe they do.

Sir Pentious - Becomes the second tenant of the hotel. He originally tried destroying it because he wanted the land where it was, but he didn’t know that the Princess of Hell was behind the idea (he doesn’t watch tv lol). Once he finds out the hard way he gives up on his devious plans and wishes to join the hotel and try to be redeemed. Dani was more than thrilled to already have a second tenant! His design is loosely based off a yellow cape cobra mixed with a steampunk fashion sense and weaponry theme. He always tried to one up Angel Dust in weapon design and even considered him a rival, but they eventually get along.

Selene - Dani’s beloved bodyguard and girlfriend. She is appointed head of security for the hotel and takes her job very seriously. She’s based off of a lunar moth and is the moon to Dani’s sun. She is extremely devoted to Dani and adores her optimistic ideas… even if sometimes they sound a little too out of reach. Also there’s no real twist that she’s a fallen angel. I mean only Dani knows because she understands how traumatizing it was for her and also it’s nobody’s business. They’re a true power couple and always have each other’s backs.

Dani - Hell’s darling Princess and the apple of her father’s eye, her dream is to help sinner’s be redeemed to Heaven. She does this not only to fix the overpopulation of Hell, but also because she truly believes that people can change for the better if only given the right opportunity and help. She’s extremely optimistic, but she isn’t stupid. She would never force anyone to come to the hotel because she knows people have to want to change to be better. Luckily she has found those who believe in her and want to help her with her goal. The only issue is everyone else in Hell not taking her seriously and thinking her goal is useless and stupid. Boy are they in for a rude awakening.

Ms. Kino - A small one eyed, one horned purple oni that becomes the hotel cleaner and other chef. Much like Husk she too has a soul contract with Alastor. She doesn’t seem to care as much about it as he does though. She’s more than happy to spiffy up a dusty old hotel and make things nice and presentable. It’s her true passion to make things beautiful after all.

Angel Dust - Currently the overlord of the Lust ring and one of the main and best weapons dealer in all of Hell. Why he would ever want to help out and manage a dusty old hotel and help the Princess with her deranged goal is unknown. He does have a reason though. He becomes head of management and basically the host of the hotel. He has the natural charisma and people skills needed to run the place and actually volunteers to become the first tenant as well.

[sgiandubh]

OMG! I can practically see her pulling at her pearls in indignation and fury! I wonder how many wet dreams he rejected her to result in this anger 🙃🙄😜 https://www.tumblr.com/maximumwobblerbanditdonut/747779411400671232/public-intoxication-sh-was-invited-to-the-landcon?source=share

Dear Pearl Clutching Anon,

This woman is the worst mythomaniac and the most pathetic know-it-all of the entire fandom. Mark me: probably a sock account of one of the Mordor sopranos, who'd like to play it cool otherwise. She is an impostor, pretending to be a Scot. But her grammar and spelling recurrent mistakes point to anything else but an English native speaker.

Prized and praised as she is by the dim-witted, she is living proof of the fact that you cannot reasonably and endlessly pretend to be an expert in hair implants, cocktails/bartending, audiovisual production, copyright, alcohol sales and pretty much everything in between. To me, she is at her most pathetic when she pretends to analyze the legal intricacies of the French regulations applicable to public alcohol tasting events.

What happened, in fact, at the Landcon 6 whisky tasting?

Ok. So, this was announced by the French organizers on March 5th and presented as a limited audience event, priced at 350 euros.

This idiot's comment is absolutely priceless:

She would be surprised to find out that, unlike the US, there has never been any Prohibition decreed in France (Hell would have frozen). Even more interestingly, the only venues where French law specifically prohibits alcohol tastings and sales are enumerated very clearly in regulations far above her intellectual abilities:

The main idea is that you cannot sell/organize alcohol tastings in public health venues (hospitals, clinics, etc), rehabilitation clinics (d'oh!) - both for alcohol and drug addictions -, schools, youth summer camps, sports arenas, swimming pools or any other public or private sports venues.

(Source: French Public Health Code, https://www.dalloz.fr/documentation/Document?id=CODE_CSPU_ARTI_D3335-1&scrll=CSPU022225&FromId=CODES_SECS_CSPU_TALPHA)

To these limitations, the French national professional organizations add, as best practice, the following: churches, cemeteries, prisons, military barracks, railway/public transport facilities (including depots).

(Source: Vin & Société's Guide juridique de la dégustation/Tasting Legal Guide - https://www.syndicat-cotesdurhone.com/upload/article/file/202103guidejuridiquedeladegustation-60658bb9468b4.pdf)

To my knowledge, Landcon's venue was neither a cemetery, nor a church (the latter could be, however discussed: wee & lame joke, btw). And for that poor woman's information, you would not need an exemption, but a permit, or licence. In current French law, there are four such sale permits, ranked from I (soft drinks, such as Orangina) to IV (all drinks, including spirits). The fabled Licence IV (also the name of a beloved 90s French kitschy music group, LOL) is now impossible to obtain and if you want to have one, you have to buy the venue (cafe, nightclub, bar, bistro, restaurant or buvette) that had it issued first, many moons ago.

That problem solved, we would have to further analyze the type of event hosted by the Landcon. Was it a tasting or a sale, according to French regulations?

If it was a tasting, no licence is needed. If it was a sale, you might need a temporary licence, granted by the Mayor, provided you have notified them at least 3 months before the event. These are also famously hard to get and very sparingly granted, too.

Because tastings are an exception, they are strictly defined by French regulations as 'free alcohol consumption' and their regulations are excruciatingly detailed. Procedures and limitations vary according to the type of event: sports, tourism promotion, markets and fairs, public gatherings or cultural events (which is the one that seemed the closest to our situation). But a cultural event-cum-tasting would have to be completely free of charge (no paying access tickets), in order to be exempt from any legal obligation. This was not the case, as we know there was a rather steep, 350 euros fee, to be able to attend it:

(Source: Vin & Société's Guide juridique de la dégustation/Tasting Legal Guide - https://www.syndicat-cotesdurhone.com/upload/article/file/202103guidejuridiquedeladegustation-60658bb9468b4.pdf)

That new activity was certainly not a tasting, as defined by French law. An amateur could then conclude, that S's event was, in fact, a disguised sale and that he is either a sinister fool or a filthy conman.

The trouble is, French legislation tolerates one single, overruling exception to everything I wrote above: sale by the producer of said alcohol. It is to be found (or rather interpreted - and it has been so by myself AND the French professional organizations), in the Code Général des Impôts/ French Tax Code:

To avoid a tedious legal translation, the idea is that if you do not sell your own produced booze, you are automatically considered as a stockist/trader and as such, subject to alcohol sales' regulations. If the Landcon organizers would have sold/promoted Laphroaig, for example, they would have needed the permit. But hosting a paying tasting event organized by SRH, promoting SRH's whisky and which profits entirely belonged to SRH is a sale by the producer, as defined by French law, not needing a permit:

(Source: Vin & Société's Guide juridique de la vente/Sales Legal Guide - https://fgvb.fr/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Vin-et-Societe-Guide-juridique-de-la-vente-19042021.pdf)

So: even if the tasting event was, in fact, a sale, French law allows a producer to sell his own alcohol, for promotion purposes as a side event, with no further need to obtain a permit. And this is exactly what their legal team rightfully advised them to do and completely what I would advised them to do, too.

That woman is so often and in so many ways completely wrong, that she is absolutely ridiculous. She (and also her other Big Friend) should perhaps stop pretending to be whatever they are not. Infantilizing, bullying and snarling at people does not help with their credibility.

Such women are genuine Frauds and absolutely despicable. People spend years fucking their eyesight in law school and we do not joke about interpreting and reading legalese. Ever. But to see idiots pretending to know just because they fucking used Google for ten minutes is just infuriating: it took me two hours to find the exception and another two to write this comment.

I hope this long, tedious answer was helpful, Anon.

[mybeautifulwifegojo]

*bursts through the door, sweating and shaking* y'all Goodnight Moon on youtube uploaded her third sapphic vampire video and it gave me All The Vampy Romance Feels

Yuji is a tired 20yo who used to be a star athlete but around high school he lost interest, and then his grandfather died, and he had to drop out and work to support himself

he moves to Tokyo and starts working nights at this club, The Shrine, that only caters to a very select portion of the wealthy of Japan. he's just a busboy at first, but then one day the bouncer just doesn't show up for work, and some asshole clearly on drugs tries to start shit with the bartender, and Yuji likes his coworkers thank you very much so he just beats the shit out of the guy and throws him out

Yuji does not think anything of this until the next night, when he's called in by the owner of the club: Ryomen Sukuna, who just wants to have a chat as to how the hell he did that.

he's thrown because Sukuna looks like a meaner, more buff version of his dad, but surely that's a coincidence. His boss and his father aren't related, surely.

(they are. Sukuna did not devour his twin in utero in this world; instead, after becoming a vampire, he took to guarding his twin's line, and Yuji is the last of their family. Sukuna is. hmm. conflicted.)

('cause see, on the one hand, this boy is the last drop of his own brother's line. on the other, he's a disrespectful little brat with no fear, who just the previous night defeated an elder vampire in a fistfight. that shouldn't be possible, and yet it happened.)

Yuji is very confused when his boss, who clearly hates him, decides to promote him to the security team. but hey, bigger paycheck!

After a while of this, he runs into Megumi, who mistakes him for a vampire and tries to kill him; but then when Yuji is totally unaffected by silver, salt, or holy objects, Megumi is embarrassed and decides he must be a thrall, instead. Because what normal person would willingly work at Tokyo's premier vampire hotspot??

Megumi tells Satoru, one of the very few hunters who is also a vampire--he was born that way, instead of being turned later in life. Satoru is intrigued, and hits up The Shrine to see the kid in action.

some form of meetcute ensues, probably during which someone gets punched and Satoru goes "oh he's like, strong and adorable and hot. oh, I'm not surviving this with my dignity intact."

Yuji of course is an oblivious sweetie and doesn't realize Satoru is flirting with him.

Sukuna hates Satoru already but now he's caught between "We need to keep this uneasy alliance between vampires and hunters, lest we all become too weak and the werewolves kill us all" and "THAT'S MY BABY NEPHEW YOU CAD"

Yuji doesn't believe in vampires or magic and just thinks everyone is really committed to a bit that hasn't been funny in like six years.

The special grade sorcerers (Yuki, Satoru, Suguru, Yuta) are vampires who hunt supernatural troublemakers along with normal humans, werefolk, kitsune, and even a few oni; Rika-chan is Yuta's first and only thrall and he still feels really bad about that, but she's having fun and being herself as she gleefully hunts monsters for her beloved <3 Yuji ends up with one foot in the vampire underworld and one foot in the world of the hunters, and he can't go fully to either side because he's just a regular dude who fights good.

(not that Satoru and Sukuna ever stop trying to sneakily kill each other so they can "protect" Yuji. it's how they flirt.)

((although I do think this kind of story would be funniest if Sukuna eventually agrees to let Satoru court his nephew WITH YUJI IN THE ROOM and this 20yo modern dude is mortified by these centuries-old vampires talking about his dowry. it's 2021, my dudes!!!! nobody has a fucking dowry anymore!!!!!!))

[delicate-kitty-collector]

My UTMV AUs & concepts (mostly dreamtale)

1.Horrorverse (new name for the amnesia dreamtale AU)

"AU revolving around Nightmare's journey into the horror Multiverse while having severe amnesia & trying to remember who he once was & facing the terrors along the way"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2.Runaway AU

"AU where Nightmare runs away from Dreamtale,was found & taken in/adopted by an intimidating but sweet human man who was one of the top assassins and later becomes head of the Assassin corporation and becomes Nightmare's boss as he too becomes an assassin"

"He even finds found family in the presence of his assassin coworkers/peers"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3.Crossover AU

AU revolving around mlp & Dreamtale

"So far I have Dream as Princess Celestia Nightmare as Princess Luna & Frisk as Twilight sparkle" (If you have any suggestions on who will be who,please share)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4.Concepts

Flowerfell Nightmare & Flowertale Dream

"Two twin brothers take the place of flowerfell Frisk & Flowertale Frisk,getting souls of their own & help free the monsters"

"Even if it cost their lives"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5.Ideas

Idol AU idea

Two brothers with different lives,Dream is a worldwide famous celebrity that performs all around the world with his two best friends Blue & Ink. The 3 are known as "Team Stars" & they are very beloved by everyone.

Nightmare is a very skilled bartender that works for years at a 5 star bar and grill in Beach City,he has been doing it for years,due to that he became more sociable & from time to time his boss would have him and some other bartenders to train beginners.

Nightmare & Dream hasn't spoken in years due to something happening years ago that made nightmare leave at age 18 & never came back. But eventually it only took one day and Dream,Blue,& Ink in disguises just to sneak out and explore the city without getting recognized & went into the bar and grill.

Magic Ballerina AU idea

Nim is magical ballerina of nature and she created Nightstone & SunStone from the magic stones of the moon Magic & the sun Magic. She taught them everything she knows and they became very talented male ballerinas performing beside their mother...but sadly there are humans and monsters that are after the moon Magic and the sun Magic...in order to protect her children she used her magic to trap them into two separate music boxes before turning herself into stone.

[rare-clone-fic-exchange]

Double, Double Boil and Trouble - Part 1

It is I, @dystopicjumpsuit, with a fic written especially for my beloved longtime reader @goblininawig!

Pairing: Clone Trooper Boil x Reader (GN; reader practices tasseomancy/reads tea leaves) 

Rating: T but minors DNI as always

Wordcount: 2.2k

Warnings and tags: fluff; minor angst; Star Wars swearing; Boil is canonically a bit of a tool; Boil still has his mustache 

Summary: Boil and his friends visit a fortune-telling shop during a night out on Coruscant.

A/N: There will be at least one more chapter coming soon. Don't worry, it ends happily 🧡

Suggested listening: "Reaching for the Moon," by Ella Fitzgerald

https://open.spotify.com/track/1PSpnTbP2TnstBbSpcGWGb?si=efc74bbdd4c34465

Stak, Razor and Wooley were approaching the raucous stage of inebriation as Boil sipped his iazacal liquor and watched them in stoic silence. By his calculation, they had about thirteen minutes left before they all got eighty-sixed from 79’s. They probably would have made it, except some shiny from the 104th got a little overly familiar with the pretty Twi'lek bartender, raising Wooley's immediate ire. The ensuing confrontation got them all kicked out and banned from the club for a week.

Boil would have happily gone back to the GAR barracks and pretended to sleep, but the others were determined to make the most of their first night of shore leave, and so they ventured out into the frigid, rainy night to explore the district around the clone bar in search of further entertainment.��

They didn't have to look far; the entertainment district was packed with all varieties of businesses eager to separate tourists from their credits. Unfortunately, most of them also had signs proclaiming “NO CLONES ALLOWED” displayed prominently in their windows.

We're good enough to die for them, but not good enough for them to let us have lives, he reflected bitterly.

“Look, that one allows clones,” Stak said, pointing to a small shop illuminated by lurid neon signs.

“A fortune teller?” Boil scoffed. “Might as well just toss your credits into the underworld portal. It'll get you the same result in the end.”

“Don't be such a kriffin’ buzzkill,” Wooley said. “I want to find out if there's a tall, good-looking stranger in my future.”

“If that's how you describe a super-battle droid, I'd say the odds are good,” Boil retorted.

“Well, I’m not going to stand out in the rain,” Stak said, overruling Boil’s objections.

Thus, the troopers soon found themselves in a cramped, stuffy room that reeked of incense and was cluttered with a dizzying array of mystical and occult paraphernalia. Their damp wool uniforms smelled like wet hounds, and condensation fogged the windows, making the neon city outside look blurry and dreamlike. The four fortune tellers who greeted them were dressed in elaborate, flamboyant robes that Boil highly doubted were authentic to any culture in the galaxy, but they were very effective in giving them an otherworldly—almost fantastical—air. 

Stak opted to have his palm read; Razor was intrigued by the card reader; and Wooley opted for runes, leaving Boil alone with the remaining con artist—er, fortune teller. He sized up the civvie before him, trying not to look openly hostile as he searched for the words to politely decline whatever snake oil remained to be peddled. Before he could speak, though, the charlatan—kriff—fortune teller gave him a dazzling smile, and Boil blinked, taken completely off guard.

You weren't particularly surprised when the first three troopers quickly paired up with your partners. Their styles of fortune telling were certainly flashier and more attractive to many customers than your quieter approach. Still, none of them could boast the numbers of loyal repeat customers that flocked to you again and again. The difficulty lay in convincing them to give you a chance in the first place.

The remaining clone did not look like the type to give you a chance. He stared at you and your partners with hard, jaded eyes and a mouth set in a firm line beneath his mustache. As his fellow troopers paired off one at a time with the other mediums, he looked more and more skittish, until it was just the two of you left in the reception room. It was clearly time to break out your secret weapon.

You gave him your patented brilliant smile that walked the perfect line between welcoming and subtly flirtatious. “Welcome. Am I right in thinking that your brothers wanted to have their fortunes read, and they insisted you come with them?”

He blinked at the force of your smile, then gave you the most reluctant half-smile you’d ever seen. “That obvious?”

“I don’t need to be psychic to see that you don’t want to be here,” you replied.

He laughed shortly. “No offense, but I don’t believe in any of this.”

“No offense taken. Perhaps you'd like to join me for a cup of tea while you wait for your brothers. When they're finished, you can pretend I read your tea leaves. No charge, of course.” You gave him a cheeky grin. “I won't tell if you don't.”

Some of the tension eased out of his shoulders at your offer. “Thanks. That’d be… nice.”

You led him into your reading room and invited him to sit wherever he liked. He looked around the room curiously before settling onto the ancient velvet sofa. You began to prepare a pot of tea for the two of you to share.

“Not exactly what I was expecting,” he observed as he looked around the cozy space furnished with soft, somewhat shabby furniture and bathed in the soft light of a few old-fashioned lamps. “Where are all the crystals and tchotchkes?”

“I prefer to minimize distractions during readings,” you replied. “Though as you can see, I do try to make it as comfortable as possible for my guests.”

“‘Guests,’” he snorted. “Is that what you call them?”

You raised your eyebrows at his tone. “Yes. And while I fully accept that you are skeptical of the services we provide, I draw the line at outright rudeness. If you intend to insult me, my colleagues, or our guests, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

He flinched, realizing he’d overstepped. “Apologies.”

You accepted his begrudging apology as you finished brewing the tea and arranged a small plate of sweet pastries. You had plenty of experience with the clone troopers, and you knew they tended to have a sweet tooth. Besides, you’d smelled the unmistakable scent of iazacal wafting off of him, and you hoped that his sullen mood might improve if he sobered up a bit. Hence, tea and pastries.

He tugged his gloves off and laid them neatly on the low table, wrapping his hands around the cup of tea you passed him. It was a cold night, and his uniform was damp from the rain, so it was no surprise to feel the chill of his skin when his fingers brushed against yours as you handed him the drink. You poured a cup for yourself, then curled up with the other at the opposite end of the small sofa, tucking your feet under you and leaving a small gap between yourself and him. His eyes flickered over you briefly as you sat. At least his expression was no longer actively hostile, though you also wouldn’t exactly describe him as friendly. He sniffed the tea curiously. 

“Is this magical tea?” he asked in a faintly mocking tone.

“Certainly not,” you replied with dignity. “I never perform spellwork on someone without their consent. Besides, the magic tea is too expensive to give away for free.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking,” he said.

You merely gave him a mysterious smile. “I didn’t catch your name earlier.” 

“Don’t you know it already?” he asked with a tiny smirk.

“Never heard that one before,” you said drily.

“You’re right. It was a low-hanging meiloorun,” he admitted. “Name’s Boil.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Boil,” you said.

“Now I know you’re lying,” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.

“Fine, it’s an… experience to meet you,” you laughed. “What are you boys up to this fine Coruscanti evening?”

He shrugged. “Same as every shore leave. Gettin’ kriffed up. Tryin’ not to think too hard.”

You nodded. It wasn’t the first time a clone trooper had said something similar to you, and it wouldn’t be the last. “Is it working?”

He met your eyes. “Might have if those di’kuts hadn’t gotten us kicked out of the bar.”

“Music is better here.”

He frowned. “I don’t hear any music.”

“Exactly.”

He laughed, a genuine laugh for the first time since he’d walked into your shop. “You’re not wrong. What about you? Busy night?”

“Oh, you know, fleecing innocent tourists, bewitching unsuspecting troopers on shore leave, making pacts with the forces of darkness, eating more pastry than I should.”

“So an average Centaxday, then,” he said with a grin. When he smiled, his entire face transformed. His eyes lit; the lines of stress eased on his forehead; and he looked younger, less hardened.

“Maybe a few less blood sacrifices than usual,” you said with a smile.

“We’ve all had to cut back in this economy,” he replied, deadpan.

“So true. We should protest in front of the Senate building.”

“You’d certainly catch some eyes in that,” he said, gesturing toward your elaborate costume. 

“Then I must be doing it right,” you replied with a tiny smirk.

“So it’s all for show, then?” he asked, his voice neutral, but his eyes speculative.

You took a delicate sip of your tea and sighed with pleasure at the taste. “People have certain… expectations about the way someone in my line of work will look. Who am I to disappoint them?”

“So you exploit their expectations to manipulate them for profit,” he observed without heat.

“You certainly don’t pull your punches,” you said. It was far from the worst accusation you’d had flung at you by a disgruntled customer, but it still stung to learn that you sat so low in his opinion. “Do you feel like I’m swindling you with free tea and pastries?”

His gaze dropped briefly to your lips, then rose back to meet your eyes. “Nothing is free.”

“And you say I’m the cynical one,” you replied with a level stare.

“Just an observation.”

“And what else do you observe about me?” you asked.

He sat back and surveyed you slowly, raking his eyes down your body. You felt your pulse kick up at his scrutiny; you were accustomed to people eyeing you like a piece of meat—so many would-be guests didn’t seem to comprehend the difference between paying for your services and paying for your body—but rarely did you have the sense that someone truly perceived you. You sat calmly with a slight, defiant tilt to your jaw, refusing to let him know he’d rattled you.

“For starters,” he said, “the fortune teller act is just that: an act. You've gotten a little tired of it, but it pays the bills.”

“I prefer ‘medium.’”

He laughed mirthlessly. “But you don’t deny the rest.”

“Would you believe me if I did?”

He didn’t reply, but merely took a long drink of tea. “I can also tell that you're clever, charming, and very good at reading people. How am I doing so far?”

“You should have led with that,” you replied, adjusting the drape of your robes. “The flattery would have made it easier to swallow being called a fraud.”

“Like I said. Just an observation.”

You smiled faintly. “Shall I tell you what I observe about you?”

“Seems fair,” he said with a confident smirk. “I’m just an amateur, after all. Can’t wait to see the master at work.”

You leaned forward slightly and gazed deeply into his eyes. After a few seconds, he glanced away, setting his half-empty cup of tea down on the low table, then he sat back and folded his arms over his chest, staring back at you with his jaw set in a stubborn line.

“You lost someone,” you said softly.

He huffed derisively, looking away. “We’re in a war. Everybody has lost someone.”

“Not just someone,” you replied, unperturbed by his interruption. “A brother.”

His eyes jolted back to yours. “Everyone knows we clones call each other ‘brother.’ We’re bred to die. It’d be more surprising if I hadn’t lost a brother.”

He snatched up his teacup and tossed back the rest of the tepid brew, his eyes hard and angry.

“May I see your cup?” you asked.

His brows snapped together as he eyed you suspiciously, but he handed it over. You gave him a soft, reassuring smile, but he didn’t relax as you peered down into his cup to examine the leaves that clung to the delicate porcelain.

“There’s a word,” you said slowly. “It’s not Basic or Sy Bisti. It could be a name.”

Despite himself, he leaned closer, trying to see what you saw.

“Boil… does ‘Nerra’ mean anything to you?”

Boil shot to his feet, staggering backward. “How do you know that?”

His voice was hoarse and strained. You set down the cup carefully and rose from the sofa.

“How the hell do you know that?” he repeated, his voice a menacing growl as he advanced a step closer to you.

Quite suddenly, he seemed to tower over you, and your heart raced as you realized that you could be in real danger. You subtly reached for the small panic button that you kept concealed in one of your many bracelets, but before you could call for help, he whirled abruptly and stormed out of the shop into the torrential downpour of the dark Coruscant night.

You sagged with relief and closed your eyes as you leaned against the wall, breathing hard. I’m safe. He didn’t hurt me. When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was a pair of leather gloves sitting on the low table. You didn’t need to read the leaves in the bottom of your cup to know that he’d be back.

[a-lovers-remorse]

Descent Day

(Aka, the Creator’s Birthday!)

To think that on this day, so many moons ago, Teyvat was blessed with the most unexpected surprise- the arrival of you, their beloved Creator! A most joyous day, and since their calender doesn’t quite line up the same as this world’s calendar, you decided to accept it as your new birthdate. Getting isekaied counts as being reborn, right? To avoid a multinational war of nuclear proportions, the birthday is a 2 week long celebration with you visiting every nation for 2 days. So how does each nation choose to celebrate their distinguished guest?

Mondstat

You didn’t think anything could weird you out after waking up in a videogame that you had adored for years, but waking up under the soft glow of stained glass to angelic singing from a choir sure made a lasting impression.

Noelle made you breakfast in bed and together with Klee guarded you through a walk from Mondstat, to the Dawn Winery and back, while preparations were underway for the party.

Mondstat’s celebration is hosted by the knight of favonius and held near the archon statue at the base of the cathedral. Gifts were left inside of the cathedral near your shrine, with tables of games set  up around the grounds. Bards take turns singing and leading dances near the archon statue, keeping the energy happy and light. The dawn winery and Cat’s share collaborated just for today to provide the drinks, the bartenders switching off on shifts so they could all enjoy the celebration as well. Each food vendor had their own stand around the edge of the venue and served food until nightfall when they could join the party, exhausted but ready to celebrate. 

Officially speaking, the knights-of favonius were keeping guard for unruly behavior. Truthfully, Rosaria, Diluc, and Kaeya were doing most of the outer city patrolling, with Lisa, Jean, Barbara and the nuns from the Church of Barbatos keeping things organized and under control. 

The gift table was overflowing with flowers- individual stems, to crowns and large bouquets. Windwheel asters were popular, but there were also large batches of other flowers that were commonly considered windblumes. Small boxes and bags, notes of well wishes filled with dandelion seeds also decorated the table.

Lisa, Jean and Noelle collaborated together for your gift, designing an entire outfit from scratch, with matching shoes and accessories.

A bottle of Diluc’s finest cider was expected, but the carved wooden falcon wine stopper was a lovely surprise. 

Kaeya’s gift to you was a moment of respite. The whirlwind of dancing and crowds, people endlessly chattering and touching or petting you was making you weary after a few hours. He snuck you away from the party for a walk along the city walls, content to simply walk alongside you in silence.

When you’re next free, Bennet, Razor, and Fischl come to take you on an adventure. Everyone is still busying recovering or cleaning from the night before, so you follow them out of the city. They don’t often have a chance to see you if you don’t seek them out, so they take the time to regale you with stories of their most recent travels. They gallantly protect you from any monster that dared wander too close, and before you could become tired from the walk, they show you the small waterfall they found. Fischl pulls out a picnic she had been hiding, and spend the next few hours playing in the lake until Barbara and Rosaria come to fetch you all.

Albedo comes down from Dragonspine only to seek you out, he doesn’t have much interest in staying for the afterparty. He gifts you a bottle with a flower inside. It’s petals shimmered and seemed to move, and he promised it would never die. He pretends to act surprise when you mention it’s your favorite color.

Mona calls on you in the early afternoon, welcoming you to her home for tea. She pulled a few favors with The Steambird, offering a few extra columns and exclusive advice, to get you a custom art piece with the alignment of the stars from the night of your descent. She’s nervous, and warns you that she will not make this a routine thing- but if you so wish, she will do her best to look into your future, even if it may be outside of her scope. 

On the morning of your departure, Venti woke you with a soft ballad, beckoning you to the window. He snuck you out of the cathedral and across the roof, guiding you with a steady hand that caught you every time you almost slipped off. 

Venti uses his wind to glide you two over to the archon statue, both of you taking a seat on the hands to watch the sun rise. The sky lightens, as you begin to warm in the glow of the sun, Venti sings a ballad he’s composed specially for you. 

“Happy birthday your Grace!” 

[thelarriefics]

BEACH FIC REC: Below are fics that take place on or near a beach. 

📖 Tired Tired Sea by @mediawhorefics (113k)

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

📖 Jade by @halohamilton (91k)

Harry was in a shipwreck, lost at sea with an injury to his head that causes him to lose part of his memory. Louis happens to notice the boy and dives in to rescue him, then aiding him to health again with his mother’s help.

Harry may have lost part of his memory, part of his life, but he gained something better than he could have ever imagined; he fell in love with Louis.

But, the life that Harry couldn't remember may just come between them.

The Amnesia AU where Harry and Louis still end up falling in love.

📖 Ace of Spades by @allwaswell16 (78k)

Living as a sheltered omega in a farming village has not prepared Harry for life aboard the most notorious pirate ship to sail the Atlantic.

Or Louis is a pirate, Harry is his captive, and no one is who they say they are.

📖 Si Pudiera Volar by @softfonds (69k)

When Harry’s fiancé leaves him for his cousin, he looks the other way for the sake of his happiness. He’ll do anything to forget about him, including joining a monastery. It isn’t until his cousin’s former lover, a pirate, appears that he realizes everything is not as it appears, and an honest pirate might be the only person worthy of his heart.

Or, a fic loosely based on Corazón Salvaje.

📖 In Four Colours by @ireallysawanangel (59k)

Harry's a workaholic who threw himself headfirst into his work after his divorce ten years ago and hasn't come up for air since. His two daughters and his best friend notice how overworked and stressed he is, so they surprise him with a trip to the coast of France. The last thing Harry expects to do on his holiday is relax, but when he meets the kind, beautiful stranger staying in the cottage next door, his holiday starts to look a little more promising.

Or, the older larry AU featuring sun, sand, and the French countryside with a sprinkling of divorced Harry and silver fox Louis.

📖 Full Moon Dreaming by @jacaranda-bloom (43k)

Every month, Full Moon Dreaming reveals a person’s soulmate. Sometimes it’s an object or a place, or for the lucky ones, the love of their life.

Louis has given up hope of dreaming of a person, resigned to living a life devoid of that kind of all-consuming love for another and receiving the same in return.

But when a new neighbour descends on Louis’ beloved Hanson Bay and moves into the other beach house, could all that be about to change?

📖 Flowers in the Window by @justanothershadeofblue (33k)

Harry is a lonely and depressed popstar who sailed out of his hometown on Eroda years ago to chase his dreams. He comes back to the island only to find his shining childhood best friend Louis just as cold and dreary as the island they grew up on.

📖 Away From Home by @marchessa (12k)

the one, where Harry is a servant to the Tomlinson family and he ends up as one of the lone survivors of a shipwreck. But maybe he can still find paradise in the tragedy.

📖 Tan Lines and Some Memories by @harrieberrie (11k)

It’s summer in California and blockbuster movie star Louis Tomlinson is looking forward to a break and spending his days lazing away at his beach house.

Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him.

A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person.

Summer romance ensues.

📖 Heat Waves by @chai-hat-tea (10k)

Louis, a surf instructor by day and a bartender by evening, meets vacationer Harry for the first time, and he knows that he doesn't deserve someone like Harry. Harry proves him wrong.

📖 come my love be one with the sea by @larrydoinglaundry (6k)

Pirate captain Louis gets saved from the storm by mermaid Harry, and grows particularly fond of this mysterious creature.

📖 Climbing The Swells by @cyantific (6k)

One surfer out of his depth amongst some territorial locals makes a bold move and a very unwelcome entrance. After things go wrong, another surfer reluctantly takes mercy on him, offering some first-aid and unexpected hospitality aboard his Airstream. A couple dimples and a few wayward curls go a long way to soften one surly local, and what started out as a rough morning becomes a very sunny spot to the day.

Or… The one where a clumsy Harry and a stubborn Louis reconcile their grievances on the beach with a heartfelt apology from Louis on his knees without saying a word.

📖 The Way You Smile Golden by @moonhusbands (5k)

it's 1967 and two boys find themselves alone on a beach.

📖 beach tits by @jaerie (2k)

Louis catches Harry pumping in the car. He can't help that he's really turned on by it.

📖 wet sand by @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk (1k)

harry and louis are part of the same friend group that's on a trip together. after they play a drinking game, louis and harry run to the beach in the middle of the night, where things get heated.

📖 Oh, Those Summer Nights by @beelou (1k)

An extended scene of the beginning of the movie Grease as a larry au

[svsaskbox]

Hello everyone!

Welcome to the SVS ask box! We are a small group of SVS members/creators where you can ask our OCs all sorts of questions!

here's an introduction to all the individuals behind this blog:

@bamjammy - Hi! My name's Jammy, pronouns he/they, and I like to make OCs and never use 'em!

available characters:

Tarty Hart - Evil scientist smarties

Wizz Fizzy - chaotic pixy stix

Teri Chang - famous sour(?) singer/actress

Valentina Velvet - red velvet cake killer/bakery owner

Carolina Carrot - carrot cake detective

Toast - innocent marshmallow taffy kid/Tarty's somewhat son

@toastygal666 - a gal whos toasty, with only girl OCs cause men are hard to draw :>

available characters:

Delicie - jawbreaker girl

Hecate - pumpkin witch

Vemp - vampire mermaid

@jynxiejinx - I’m Jynxie! I’m a 19 y/o character artist, and your local chill hippie enby. any pronouns are cool!

available characters:

Penny Sucre - peach tea fruity guild leader

Bianca, Barry and Huey Poppins - bubblegum triplets

Fable Frosting - mythical animal cracker unicorn centaur

@kitn3x - Hi hi, I’m Kit, your genderless fool of an artist!

available characters:

Paddie (Rainbow paddlepop ice cream) - sweet local robin hood who eat the rich and feed the poor situation

Milly (Milo nuggets) - a bittersweet member who dream of becoming a mechanic

Bannie (Bandung drink) - A sweet singer who dream of peace between sweet and sour nation through music with her fellow friends and members

Hex (Sparkling honey drink) - ur avg waiter who works in a honey pot tavern in coco cabins

Isbert (Ice shaved dessert) - An ex-knight who now works as a lumberjack to take care of his remaining family member and ensure there's no harm on them

Peps (Hot cocoa Pepsi) - Shark boi who friends with a sweet and dreamt of becoming a famous swimmer

Aurora (galaxy cocktail) - Once a child actor, now a pop singer in the sour nation! She have fallen in love with a famous sweet underground singer

Killian (c1000 drink) - William Fishbert's beloved husband who works in a military with him before the incident :)

Aiden (hot hot pop foot lollipop) - Father of a certain shark boi who works as a bartender at Gobstop! Also his appearance may scare you if its a curse thing or bless you or maybe blursed

@seanthejester - Hi! I'm Sean (he/him)! I'm 19 years old and like drawing silly little guys.

Available characters:

Brandy Butter - He was almost the pastry guild leader and he's all about advocating for peace and integration. He's currently working on creating a peace organization in the Sweet Kingdom

@minibigboy - I’m Fin / MiniShark (he/it). I’m a bit funkee and tired, but I have art and ocs :)

available characters:

Ananas - piña colada

Lucius Sandía - watermelon flash pop

Angel Cake - …angel cake…

Girlypop - sour rainbow strips

William Fishbert - the fishbowl

Joe Cupp - black coffee

@jacket-pigeon - Hi! I'm Pigeon (they/them) and I like making OCs too much

available characters:

Pomelia (Peppermint) - Grumpy ex-soldier

Moxy (Bubblegum poprocks) - Playful troublemaker

Jambo (Sour belts) - Eccentric TV show host

@itayati - Hey! I'm a 19 yo artist (she/her) and an enjoyer of cute things and the colour pink

available characters:

Pea O'Sour (Peach sour rings) - Cheerful photographer

Minty Drop (Mint drops/landrines) - Quiet jewellery maker

Malina (pierogi with blueberries and strawberries) - a bit socially awkward fruit seller

@ikeaunderscorecat - Yo, im ikea (she/they) and i am here also! hopefully you enjoy my funny fellows as much as i do

available characters:

hedron - red velvet oreo, very angry arms guy

@asrielcipher - Hey I’m Ace (they/them), please enjoy my ocs

available characters:

Bea Flutters (Butterfly Pea Tea) - a doctor with no self preservation, who wants to help others at her own expence

Moon Flutters (Ramune) - an influencer and Bea’s younger, meaner sister

[justfangirlstuffs]

So... a bartender and a performer eyyyy...?

Not to mention a debt collector...

I am intrigued....

What sort of dynamic do these guys have? Do they all get along? Is it a Sun/Moon Vs Eclipse thing? Or perhaps a free for all?

Oh wow! My first ever Cabaret AU question! :D

Sun and Moon rely on each other heavily since they, in their minds, are the only ones they can trust. They have been a part of each other's lives since their conception, and being without the other is not only inconceivable to them, but would be incredibly damaging.

At the beginning, Sun and Moon aren't even aware of Glitch's presence in the world (to a degree), let alone his involvement in the life of their beloved canary. For Glitch's part, he knows of them and has been looking for them. He too, at first is ignorant of their involvement in Y/N's life. This is mostly in part due to everyone's insistance to keep the other at an emotional distance due to their circumstances and positions.

I will say though that Glitch DOES have a history with Sun and Moon that plays a huge part in how they all ended up where they are at present.

Thank you for the question! <3<3<3<3<3

[mareastrorum]

WIP Wednesday: TF&TS (Otis)

Here is another snippet from Chapter 1!

Fanfic Summary: Mollymauk Tealeaf survived the encounter with the Iron Shepherds, but a short time later, a spirit had begun hunting him, claiming that he stole his body. This Campaign 2 AU begins with Episode 26 and continues on from there.

This fanfic will go up on AO3 in June or July, then get updated every 2 weeks.

It was a raucous early afternoon in the newest dive bar on Clover Street. The establishment had a name under the prior owner—who met a pitiful and entirely predictable end—but someone had stolen the sign. The new owner had not yet bothered to name the place, and money to be spent on a sign was better spent on protection money to avoid the predecessor’s fate. The bar was instead marked by a crudely painted tankard on the front door, only partially covering some of the obscene carvings that still showed through the newer image.

The interior was no better. The underlying smell of rotted food and spoiled beer had permeated the entire establishment, though it was barely perceptible over the more recent smell of vomit and piss lingering at the edges. Black stains along each corner made clear that no owner had ever bothered with more than a cursory wash. Mismatched chairs, tables, and benches scattered about in a haphazard manner, rearranged by the patrons as they saw fit. Stains of red, brown, and black splattered across the gray wood. A few low booths filled the far wall, running up against the bar on the left.

Ten-odd mercenaries at two center tables were already deep in their cups, gladly tossing down coin to celebrate some recent payday. They had been cycling through several ballads, and they had only just gotten to a local favorite, their drunkenness matched only by their fervor as they hammered the table to keep the beat. Without any accompaniment, the melody was far more menacing, as was appropriate.

“There beside the singin’ river That dark mass of men were seen! Far above their shinin’ weapons Hung their own beloved green!”

One of the scarred men jumped up and bellowed the next lines to rile the others.

“DEATH to every foe and traitor! Forward! STRIKE the marchin’ tune! And hurrah my boys, for FREEDOM! ‘TIS THE RISIN’ OF THE MOON!”

They roared and howled and sang the chorus before continuing to the next verse, some of the other clientèle humming along. The unimpressed bartender did not mind the revelry, so long as they kept the coin flowing. Any patrons that cared about the rowdy band of marauders had long since left anyway.

So when a brawl suddenly broke out between three of them, the barkeep only sighed, the bystanders jeered, and the other mercenaries laughed until one was knocked out cold, the second conceded, and the third—bloodied face and missing a tooth—demanded another round at the fallen’s expense and hoisted the unconscious loser into a booth before the group launched into yet another song.

Days like this were exactly why Otis Brunkel was pleased to have based themself out of Shadycreek Run.

Otis was a halfling with wild, dark hair and bright brown eyes sitting in a corner booth near the bar, facing the door with a crazed grin. They had a gaunt face, and their normally sallow complexion had gone ruddy from drink. Dark leather armor covered their simple cotton and wool clothing, a crossbow at their side. Numerous inch-long scars marked the palms of each hand, though the left had far more.

A mood was upon Otis for now, and it would probably last a few days like the last time. It felt good. Everything would feel good—until it didn’t. Until then, everything was entertaining, a potential fight. That would be so fun. It would be great.

But Otis had to pick carefully without someone else to watch their back. The Run was not the place to go wild alone.

Not in such an open area, at least.

Currently, Otis was whistling along to the song, bouncing a leg and fidgeting with their hands as they scanned the room with manic eyes, keeping watch for potential activities. They had just lifted their tankard for a drink when some jackass that had walked in earlier suddenly took the seat across from them.

“Seat’s taken,” Otis hissed without breaking their smile, taking stock of the newcomer.

He was human, his coloring the only clue that he did not belong in the Run. He was pale, freckled, and redheaded with blue eyes—a Zemnian, so he must have been from the Empire to the south. Otherwise, his sunken eyes, unkempt beard, battered brown coat, worn clothes, and well-worn layer of mud would have him looking perfectly at home in this shithole.

Otis noted that he did not seem to carry any weapons, though there were strange bulges under his coat. There had to be something stashed in there, considering how thin the man appeared. He also had bandages wrapped around his forearms. Maybe a dealer of some kind.

“Ja, by me,” the man replied flatly with a Zemnian accent. Called it.

Otis snickered. A human with a spine! They liked it. They liked it. “What d’ya want, then?”

“You are Otis of the Tombtakers?” the man inquired. “I am Caleb Widogast.”

“Depends on why you’re askin’, Caleb Widogast,” Otis responded with a widening smile. Oh, they hoped it was something interesting. The few that asked for Otis because of the old gang usually had something to do with the Orders or with old friends or with old friends.

“My companions and I need some help,” Caleb explained. “You see, we were traveling with—ah, a mutual acquaintance, and then we ran into trouble. We would like your help in retrieving those we lost.”

Otis scanned the bar quickly and spotted the others without issue. They stuck out so readily. A dark-skinned human woman with a staff and wearing far too much blue; a Cobalt Soul something-or-other for sure. Too much color for the Run. Next to her was a rugged female dwarf in dented plate armor with numerous weapons at her side. She was a local, no question. Next to them was a… what’s the word? Furblog or something. Part-giant part-fey cow person, because sometime a long time ago, some people got really adventurous. Dark fur, and they looked lost as shit. And Otis almost missed it, but there was definitely a goblin hiding in the back. They all looked sad, beaten, and bitter.

Who the fuck did Otis know that would hang out with these losers?

“I mean, you’re not wrong, you look like you could use some help,” Otis cackled before taking another drink. “But who’s this mutual acquaintance?”

“A certain purple tiefling with red eyes,” Caleb replied quietly, glancing around warily without turning his head.

Otis locked their eyes on Caleb’s, all their shifting and twitching stopping as their grin widened as far as it would go, a low chuckle almost leaking into a feral growl. That humming heat that ran through their veins from the mood had collected entirely in their arms, ready to burst into some violence. Oh, it felt like the Pattern had come back for a second, thrumming and tingling in all the best ways in their brain. They missed that.

To Caleb’s credit, he did not flinch away from Otis even when most would. But there’s no way Lucien would spend time with a sorry looking man like this, even if he was alive. What’s the game here? Did he come back after all? Or was that spell-spitter bitch from Rexxentrum up to something? Or the Jagentoths?

“What’s this, then?” Otis pressed without blinking. “How do you know him?”

“We met him a short time ago and had been traveling with him,” Caleb explained quietly, not looking away. “We did not know much about him, but we have been helping each other, and then he was taken. Another acquaintance of his had previously told us about his old gang based out of this town, and asking around got me pointed in your direction.”

“Who said that?” Otis asked rapidly.

“Cree, a tabaxi in Zadash.”

“How long ago did you meet our acquaintance?”

“Perhaps a month or so by now.”

“Say his name, then, if you know him so well.”

Caleb hesitated, now looking around more overtly before turning and whispering, “Lucien. Nonagon.”

Otis cackled madly and clapped their hands together once harshly. They needed the sting, something to loosen the blaze burning in their arms. Yes! Lucien was back! He had to be!

But taken?

“Taken by who?” Otis demanded, their eyes narrowing slightly.

“The Iron Shepherds,” Caleb answered stoically. “They work for the Jagentoths, I believe.”

“Fuckin’ figures it’s the slavers,” Otis barked a laugh, finally breaking the stare. “Was it the bounty or because of Reese? Oh, nevermind, it’s probably both. Lucien’s never been one to get in trouble unless it’s a landslide of bullshit all at once.”

Otis liked this one. Caleb had balls. He didn’t flinch, waver from fear, or shy away from strangeness. Yes, yes, even a sorry group like his could be useful to Lucien with an attitude like that.

“We know a little of the bounty,” Caleb said, “but nothing about ‘Reese.’ What do you know? It may be important for recovering him and the others.”

“There’s an outstanding bounty for blood magic wielders, probably some necromancer up to the same old shit,” Otis explained, interrupting now and then to snicker. “Top coin if you get a live one back to the right people in Rexxentrum, and a modest sum for dead ones. It’s been floating around up here for a while, but only a few groups are riled up about it—like the Jagentoths. Reese Jagentoth is an old thorn that Lucien never got around to dealing with. There was always bigger shit to handle first. So it sounds like both those threads caught up to him. I wouldn’t put it past Reese to try to fuck him up and then turn him in for the pay.”

“You… find this funny?” Caleb asked, looking confused.

“Of course, of course!” Otis giggled. “Lucien’s gotten out of worse anyway, like being dead. Hells, I’m looking forward to seeing him riled up over the offense. Bastard hates slavers, hates the Jagentoths, hates the Orders, and all the problems that come with them. Gather all those in the same place and he’ll carve up everything himself. Ah, it’ll be so fun to watch that.”

“The Orders?” Caleb questioned.

“The Claret Orders,” Otis elaborated. “They’re the ones that train in blood magic. They’re underground because of these sorts of bounties. We left forever ago, but there’s no escaping their crap.”

Caleb sighed deeply and hesitated, “You should know, there is a… there is a chance they may have already killed him. He was gravely wounded when he was taken.”

“Eh, he’s been dead before,” Otis replied blithely. “The Nonagon will return. He said it himself, he did, and it sounds like he already managed it at least once. We’d just need to get him to Cree. She’ll be thrilled to fix him up again.”

Caleb seemed disturbed by that. Interesting. How much did Lucien tell them? Oh well, Otis will find out from Lucien. He’s back! Now there was work to do! Jagentoths to fuck up! Slavers to slaughter! Good, good, yes, this would be good. The burn in their veins felt so fucking good.

And once Lucien was done with these loose threads, the Tombtakers could get to work in Eiselcross.

“So, will you help us retrieve him and our other companions?” Caleb requested. “We’ve already scouted the location. We have one more stop so we can prepare, and then we were planning to infiltrate their nest tonight.”

Otis smiled rabidly, eyes bright and wide, fire coursing in their blood, “I’m in.”

[cymorilcinnamonroll]

"The Temptation and Hatefuck of Satan"

It was Christmas Eve. Rain fell as Michael drank a beer in Scott’s Edition. It was a Double IPA and he had just finished using the rain to wash off some fucking Nephil brat demon gore Samael had sired on yet another VCU art student slut. Probably some weed whore that prostituted herself out to his twin - the King of Rot and Shadow - for some satvia.

Now, Michael didn’t like to mix his suppliers with family. The weed Samael offered Michael was never bought. He planted it on the bodies of the women Michael executed as God’s Right Hand that had dared fuck an angel. Only demons and the unclean bought weed off his fucker of a brother.

Michael’s weed from Samael were serial killer gifts.

Now Ha-Satan could tempt. And Ha-Satan could while. But like Dexter, Samael also collected samples from the human whores he fucked.

Little toes, always chopped off them after they had delivered the child, and Samael had stolen the Nephil brat away to age in Moloch’s clone vats with Samael’s genes into shadowside Satanic golems. Besides Emet, Samael put toes in the Nephil golem ears – always the left pinkie. Little unhinged love notes to the Son of God. Michael unrolled the last one. It was Akkadian, a line of furrowing a woman’s mound like good soil. Ishtar and Dumuzi or some raw ass pagan shit.

Michael downed the beer – too skunky – in one fetid, holy gulp.

“Bartender, just a Corona.”

“This is a gourmet ecobrewery. We don’t serve corporate shit.”

Michael summoned his holy petersword from the ether, blacked out reality around the hipster bitch bartender and him, and siphoned the edge of the blade through her right gauge, then plucked.

Blood, hanging ear off like his old beloved fuckbuddy and Chosen One, Peter.

“Do I have to ask, darling?” Michael said kindly, voice dripping with southern gentility.

She wept softly, clutching her ear. “You’re a monster.”

“God, you mean. Get me that Corona.”

Satan – Samael – was out schmoozing at the meadery. It was Black Heath. He stank of cheap Indian food and women’s piss. Cuban cigar, sharp lips. Michael was drunk off his ass, and stumbled over to Black Heath.

“Akkadian, really?”

“Yeah, whatever Mike. Like the bitch I fucked? She’s a blonde. Like your Joan. Little present for you, asswipe.”

“Stop fucking the mortals, Sam.”

Samael’s red viper eyes slit to poison, and his black asp curls writhed like Medusa. Lucifer Rebelling.

“Stop fucking with me, Mike, and stop lusting after fucks with me.”

“I’ll fucking dogshit murder you if you sire another Nephil.”

“Then what, fuck my corpse again and wait until handy old Father old fashions me into revival, and I end up waking up from the Abyss with your rancid gold dick in my ass? Midas’ touch, you both have. And you have angel lust. Never did like the girls, Michael. The only girl in your garden, you cut off her hair and made wear armor, then when she kissed you, left and had burned at the stake. You were so repulsed, a woman’s touch. You’re too Roman. Like your fucking Vatican, diddler of altars boys. I was the first altar boy. Lucky how that ended, Father kicking me out cause I wasn’t some prepubescent ephebe slutshow taking it up the ass from Metatron anymore-“

Michael slapped him. Samael bit. Michael punched and strangled. Samael kicked.

Michael kissed. Samael groaned. Out of Richmond, out of the alley of the oversweet alcohol, mead on Michael’s lips, some shit Corona and lime on Samael’s.

The truth, left better to the sages. This was a dirty fuck.

They went to the Cave of the Bees. Where Adam and Eve were buried. Fucked on Eve’s grave, dug up her corpse and played with her ribs. Lucifer licked her skull, threading the pink serpent tongue out her jaw, placing it on Michael’s dick to suck him off, pretending it was Eve’s blowjob.

“Fancy the women now, Mike?” Lucifer hissed, eyes now burning blue. Michael was gold, all gold, all brass and polish and lighthouse. Samael was pale as the moon.

“Shut the hell up and kiss my balls, fuckface.”

Samael bit them.

“Ouch, you fucking rotting pigshit bastard. Those toes had been rancid fly food for a month. How do you pick your whores Sam?”

“Blondes. Blondes give the best head, like you. Your skulls are empty, more room for my huge, girthy dick you want in your mouth-

Michael wrestled Samael like Jacob at the foot of Peniel. The rabbis never knew if Samael or Michael had blessed Esau or Jacob, who had the more cursed life, after all? Some bitch wife Leah, sons that sold off Joseph. Maybe it was better to be a reject and redhead and eat pottage in rot all your days.

Michael shoved his shining, burning foot onto Lucifer’s face, crushed his jaw until Lucifer was nothing but a bloody pulp. Samael moaned, jerking himself off as Michael stomped and stomped.

“M-o-r-e, holy boy.”

Michael took his ass, breaking his hips with violent thrusts. Samael was just whipcord, tall, pale snake. Michael was always the buff lion, Aslan or some shitshow sold to little children: No, God never made the whale swallow Jonah. No, God loves all creatures. No, God doesn’t cut the clits off half the women in Africa and the Middle East.

No, angels don’t fuck. Especially the Left and Right Hand. Hands are only meant to jerk off the Father, not a handshake, which is technically what Michael and Samael were doing.

Michael came in the bloody pulp of Lucifer’s broken limbs. His seed, burning, shoved the soul out of Samael and into the Abyss, pouring out his lacerated intestines into Eve’s corpse. Eve bloomed into life again, a mewling baby, from the holy seed of God.

“Shut up, Samael’s first whore,” Michael sighed, weary, cradling the baby. He nursed her with some of Samael’s gore, kissed her cheek – repulsion, even at a girl this small, like that fetid creature Joan kissing his stubbled cheek. He had tried. He had taken the shame of flame. But the rot grew, and she did not

Look

Like Sam.

Michael ate Eve, then vomited the baby bones. Lucifer gasped back to life with the digested carapace of his first and only love, Eve. Lilith was way too fucking lesbian with Agrath and Eistheth and Naamah, after all. And Eve was a lousy fuck, the way Sam liked them. Easy to control.

“You killed and ate her. Funny. You know, I saw Noah in the Abyss. He’s building an Ark for the disembodied Nephilim I always summon in the clones of my sons with those Richmond whores. Trying to pull a bosom of Avram and save them. It’s some kind of new plan, more soldiers from Heaven. He told me I’m serving God even by making bastard sons. I told him, you were the first bastard Son of God, Christ-Michael. Wouldn’t bastards be the best anyway? Then Noah spat at my feet, and I cut out his eyes. Lucky that, regenerating with Mary’s tending. She’s no good with eyes, can’t even help poor Lucy.”

“I hate myself, Lucifer.” Michael cried, sobbing, collapsing in Lucifer’s arms.

Lucifer-Samael held Michael-Christ, tender, sang B’shem HaShem to him.

“I love you, Michael. More than you’ll ever know. Let’s go get some Thai. Night sweats and night fucks and night kills make me want curry.”

So Michael dried his tears on Samael’s Armani, donned some Valentino, and they went to Manhattan, but sadly ended up going to Serafina. The Thai dive was full of vampires and elves, not a crowd angels liked to mingle with.

Samael spooned gnocchi into Michael’s mouth, Michael curled in his arms like two CEOs in love in some kind of fantasy world where CEOs were not old and gray. The silver viper and the gold.

Michael fed him puttanesca, critiqued the olive quality, and said San Marzano tomatoes were overrated.

“But they’re the best, Mike.”

“You’d know.”

[soulkillerfm]

+ APPLICATION COUNT: 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚋 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍. [ + 4 / TOTAL: 35 ]

DMITRI BELOV // Cowboy. ( Brenton Thwaites )

HEART SRISEVOK // Owner of Elysium. ( Pat Chayanit )

YAMAGISHI SATORU // Ripper-Doc @ Lunar Mechanics &&&&. Kyodai in Sōwakatsu-kai. ( Yusei Yagi )

ASTER WHITLOCK // Personal Assistant to COO @ Ichibangase-Eisher Corp. ( Ayo Edebiri )

YUJIN MOON // Owner of Lunar Mechanics &&&&. Cowboy. ( Im Jinah )

HANEUL SEON // Owner of Inferno Casino &&&&. Wakagashia in Sōwakatsu-kai. ( Lee Soo Hyuk )

JIN KAZAMA // Leader of Cerberus Cell @ Lazarus. ( Anna Sawai )

TEELA ENGER // First Disciple — The Tax Collector in the God Hand. ( Zendaya Coleman )

GUTS WOLFWOOD // Cowboy. ( Boyd Holbrook )

SAGA BREA // SOLDIER in Project Terraform. ( Olivia Cooke )

MILLICENT EISHER // COO @ Ichibangase-Eisher Corp. ( Zoe Kravitz )

LUCÍA “LUX” HERNÁNDEZ // Mara Boss &&&&. Owner of The Undertow. ( Roberta Colindrez )

ONO KATSUKI // Cowboy. ( Nana Komatsu )

ROSALINE D'ANGELO // Croupier @ Infero Casino &&&&. Shatei @ Sōwakatusku-kai. ( Rachel Sennott )

CORALINE CAIN // Biotic Mark I ( Kinetic Fields ) @ Biotics &&&&. Bartender @ Heaven's Night. ( Maika Monroe )

CALYPSO // Defective Host @ Gestalt Bureau. ( Sophie Wilde )

NOEL GRAY // Unaffiliated &&&&. Previous Lead Bioengineer for Ichibangase-Eisher &&&&. High Priority Bounty ( 2m ). ( Jacob Anderson )

KAIDA NAKAMURA // Cowboy &&&&. Former Sōwakatsu-kai Assassin.

YUMI "MINNIE" CHOI // Influencer @ Neo Hollywood &&&&. Former Pop Singer. (  Han Euddeum )

SAYURI FUKUNAGA // News Anchor @ Neo Los Angeles News Network. ( Imada Mio )

JULIAN DE SANTIS // Cowboy &&&&. Co-Lead @ Lazarus. ( Jodie Comer )

ETHAN SEO // Bartender @ Inferno Casino &&&&. Smuggler @ Mara. ( Charles Melton )

BLAKE HENDRIX // Underboss @ Diamond Kings &&&&. Head Coach / Co-Owner @ Level Four Gym. ( Katy O'Brien )

HAEUN SON // SOLDIER 1st Class @ Ichibangase-Eisher - Samurai-Vi Test Subject #9634. ( Han Sohee )

LESLEY CORTES // Cowboy. ( Santiago Cabrera )

STERLING BLACKHURST // Professor of Spacecraft Engineering @ Cycloidal Air &&&&. Biotic Mark I ( Spatial Distortion ). ( Dane DeHaan )

ADELINE DE VILLIERS // Actor in Neo Hollywood. ( Laura Harrier )

CASSANDRA CAIN // Biotic Mark I ( Telekinetic ) &&&&. Aerobic Dancer @ Elysium Nightclub. ( Hannah Dodd )

CHARMAINE ESTRADA // Gogo Dancer @ Heaven's Night &&&&. Aspiring Actress in Neo Hollywood. ( Maris Racal )

EDITH BUSCH // FBI Director for the Government. ( Eva Green )

YULIANA SEMENOV // Head of Public Relations @ Ichibangase-Eisher Corporation. ( Sasha Luss )

MAXIMONA "MAXIE" SOLSTICE COSMO ZERO MATSUMOTO THE V // Net Runner for the Nano Zilla's &&&&. Poker Dealer @ Inferno Casino. ( Yuyu Kitamura )

RYN NOIR // Head Entertainer @ The Jazz Combo Cabaret &&&&. Associate of The Diamond Kings &&&&. Mixologist @ Elysium. ( FKA Twigs )

PERSEPHONE // Host @ Gestalt Bureau. ( Hunter Schafer )

HELA "HEL" BREA // NLAPD Detective for the Government &&&&. The Black Eye for the Shadow Brokers. ( Ella Purnell )

[periofthesea]

OC Intro

Next I'm deciding to introduce another beloved of mine, Athena Wallace!

Faceclaim: Jenna Ortega

Athena is my former emo kid turned goth adult and picked up an odd side effect of turning into a honey badger every full moon. She came about literally because my friends and I were discussing other types of were-creatures and I was like. Why not a badger? And so Athena was created. She's a socially awkward college drop out (after she was kidnapped on an abroad trip by a creepy cult and turned into a werebadger) so now she bartends and tries to navigate this new phase of life while trying to convince her grandparents, who raised her, that everything is totally fine. She has a cat named Hubert too, whom tolerates her presence (he loves her)

[underthetale]

GRILLBY

UNDERTALE

Personality.

When with customers.

He is a very shy and soft spoken person while working in his beloved restaurant. Grillby enjoys the homey atmosphere of his place and spends it half listening to exaggerated stories that people experience in this isolated underground.

He appreciates small actions of gratitude from the people around him because of his tendency to not make many friends.

Overall, he mostly keeps to himself, doesn't talk much at all due to shyness. However when in his element he shows confidence that everyone adores.

When with friends and family.

He enjoys his time with his friends and family by just being around them, they don't have the need to talk. Just being near them is enough for Grillby. He takes up the role of encourager when around people he cares about.

He thinks it's important to listen to everyone before making a judgement, how people view another is important. However it is important to see how that person views and carries themselves. Afterall that is how he met Sans.

While Alone.

Grillby is a lot more relaxed while alone, it helps him recharge and be ready for the next work day.

While in his own space or ever just overall, he is an organised person. He keeps to his usual schedule so he has a constant sense of discipline in his life.

Overall personality.

Quiet, Shy, soft-spoken when working with customers and sometimes friends.

Open-minded for people he doesn't know.

Observent of peoples emotions and intent.

Disciplined in his daily life.

Encouraging towards people he is close to.

Confident in his element(Cooking and bartending)

Curious and excited for stories around the underground/surface.

HOW HE TALKS

When talking to the askers, he can tell more then he wants to say. When someone asks him about a topic, he can divulge a bit from the topic. (Mostly due to not talking about his interests enough) Rambling is something that commonly happens with Grillby, he always apologises even with when he doesn't have too.

HOW HE REACTS

In scenario's, Grillby typically just watches on from afar, unless he is dragged in due to unknow circumstances.

During dangerous situations like being attacked by the human, he typically tries to dodge unless backed into a corner. Very view can hurt him due to being an elemental, but water is something that can scare him into fighting back.

When someone else is being attacked, Grillby typically doesn't think and acts on impulse, this usually lands him joining the battle or escaping with his friend.

Other situations that surprise him, like Sans paying his tab or Papyrus coming intohis restaurant once every blue moon. Will cause the bartender to freeze for a moment before stuttering into the situation as casually as one can (He may be a little blue depending on the situation).

LIKES, DISLIKES AND EVERYTHING IN-BETWEEN

Born/Summoned.

Grillby was summoned during the Autumn near the end of the great monster/human war. Unsure of actual date.

Age.

The war was hundreds of years ago now, so roughly he would be 400 years old which is young to elemental standards (Asgores older).

Favourites and Likes.

Grillby adores the colour blue, even when most think it'll be red, orange or yellow. He thinks that blue is majestic in a way that seems unspoken.

Something that also seems unexpected is that Grillby enjoys the snow and cold that surrounds Snowdin and hates the heat and dryness of Hotlands.

Grillby has a few hobbies of his own like baking and foraging. He likes to spend his days either cooking, baking, collecting herbs in foraging or just relaxing on the couch reading a good book.

Grillby has very few friends, but the ones he talks to the most is Sans, the doggo couple and Gaster (when alive that is). He likes to spend time listening to Sans joke away while cleaning his dishes (why are there so many cups???).

Dislikes and Pet peeves.

Grillby has a no tolerance policy for people discriminating against others for race, species, identity, mental and/or physical struggles. They are a large portion of his regulars and he respects them deeply.

Grillby dislikes being pushed to talk or be outgoing, he likes to have a slow life without many large events.

Grillby doesn't like spaghetti(and a few related meals), he thinks it is too much for him overall. The pasta and sauce is a weird texture to him, he likes simple and straightforward textures like softness of chips and the hard skin of an apple.

Grillby typically drifts away from unhonest people, if he can't trust someone to tell him the full truth then he will just drift.

GRILLBY'S QUOTE

"The most important thing to do when in my position is to listen to what others have to say, some things may be twisted in a way so you don't get the full picture."

-Grillby

[bg3smash-or-pass]

ALRIGHT Y’ALL! It’s been quite a while but let’s dive into another round of STATISTICS!

Most of our previous numbers have been replaced! The only character still on the board from the last round of stats is Karlach in the Highest Smash % category. Bumped from 1st to 2nd place by God’s Favorite Princess, she’s still got a grip on her title! (Isobel did edge her out in Lowest Pass % though)

We absolutely have some more extremes in the Pass category this time! With the rotting bartender Thisobald Thorm in third, the Dark Urge’s bloody little butler Sceleritas Fel in second, and in first for Least Fuckable BG3 Character so far, is everyone’s least favorite deep gnome Wulbren Bongle! Barcus may fawn over you but it turns out he’s just about the only one.

A new category we can consider this round of statistics is comparing character variations!

The Companions:

[Character] - [Smash %]:[Pass %] >< [Character Variant] - [Smash %]:[Pass %]

Karlach - 90.4:6.5 >< Pre-Repair 80.4:15.7

As expected, a fiery fate doesn’t dissuade most from wanting to get it on with our beloved barbarian!

Halsin - 84.4:11.7 >< Bear - 57.6:31.5

The beast within has scared off a good chunk of Halsin’s eager admirers, but the majority still wants a piece of the hunky druid

Astarion - 80:13.1 >< Ascendant - 43:49.2

The ultimate power of the Vampire Ascendant gains Astarion many things, but loses the affection of a good half of his lovers. Let’s hope he takes it well… (he won’t)

Gale - 87.4:9.5 >< God - 41.1:52.6

Ascension seems that no matter the other benefits, it makes you less fuckable.

Wyll - 86.2:9.5 >< Devil 85.5:8.2

Horns or not, ridges in unmentionable places, Wyll is Wyll and everyone wants a piece either way

Shadowheart - 85.4:9.8 >< Selûnite - 90.6:6.3 >< Dark Justicar - 66.1:27.8

All versions of God’s Favorite Princess have the majority at her beck and call, but the white haired beauty of a follower of the Moon Maiden has proven herself THE most fuckable BG3 character of them all! On the flipside, the darkness of the Lady of Loss drives a few of her admirers away.

Lae’zel - 82.3:14.1 >< Illithid Thrall - 26.3:63

Despite the fandoms thirst for tentacles, Lae’zel would I think appreciate the voters disinterest in her worst nightmare

Others:

It seems the companions have much wider changes in their variants than the different forms other characters take

Raphael - 67.3:25.4 >< Haarlep - 68:26.8

Seems the attraction to Raphael may only be skin-deep, his personal Incubus gaining an ever so slight lead using his form.

Qudenos (Dragon) - 61.4:28.5 >< Dragonborn Disguise - 62.7:29.8

Our resident scalies seem just as eager to mount a young adult red dragon as they are a red Dragonborn in the depths of the undercity

Auntie Ethel - 19.2:71.5 >< Hag - 18.8:73.5

The guise of a gilf seems to only fool a small amount of voters into bedding her, despite her lotions and potions

Dark Urge - 75.5:17.9 >< Slayer - 54.9:39.9

Orin - 54:39.4 >< Slayer - 50.4:39.2

The desire to lay Bhaal’s Perfect Killing Machine seems about the same no matter who wields it, with the Durge only slightly beating out Orin in slayer form. While the slayer only slightly changes the desire to lay Bhaal’s great-granddaughter, the pure blood offspring loses a good chunk of their appeal if they join with their father.

And that’s the statistics roundup for now! See you all next time!

📈Statistics📈

Autistic bitches LOVE statistics! That’s why I’m running (and you’re following) a Tumblr Gimmick Poll Blog! So let’s dig in:

Highest Smash % ⬆️

🥇 Selûnite Shadowheart - 90.6%

🥈 Karlach - 90.4%

🥉 Dame Aylin - 88.4%

Highest Pass % ⬆️

🥇 Wulbren Bongle - 85.5%

🥈 Sceleritas Fel - 81.1%

🥉 Thisobald Thorm - 80.8%

Lowest Smash % ⬇️

🥇 Wulbren Bongle - 8.8%

🥈 Sceleritas Fel - 12.1%

🥉 Thisobald Thorm - 12.5%

Lowest Pass % ⬇️

🥇 Dame Aylin - 6.2%

🥈 Selûnite Shadowheart - 6.3%

🥉 Isabel Thorm - 6.4%

⬆️🗳️ Highest # of Votes*: The Emperor - 1,484

⬇️🗳️ Lowest # of Votes*: Mamzell Amira - 159

Stats Last Updated: 07/12/24

It’s just so fun to see how Highest Smash % doesn’t automatically mean they also have the Lowest Pass %, and vice versa, because there is an Opt Out option. Stats will be updated arbitrarily whenever I get around to it.

*# of Votes Statistic including ended polls only