#barely passes the sexy broom test

[lotus-duckies]

me, who genuinely thought the ac would be a one off but then he just. kept showing up?

the new and superior todoroki just dropped who dis

[mercyxkilling]

relationship building meme!

@emptyvictory said: ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i can always count on my bae rory to send me the memes... and it mfing warms my cold, black, barely-beating heart every time. but this isn’t what we’re here for! so let’s get to it, shall we?

niko is probably the only person who knows the extent of what mercy had to deal with growing up. not even benny nor vinnie, the two people in her crew that she trusts more than the others and the two that have known her/have been with her since the start, know just how deep that wound truly is, though they clearly have an idea of the damage its done. but because part of her does want to address that trauma, and because of how much she trusts him, niko knows it all - the nights she’d go to bed hungry, the way her brother forced her to swallow a handful of change (and also how those coins are still stuck in her larynx to this day and it makes an audible sound if she chooses to demonstrate), the verbal beat-downs that she still struggles to convince herself weren’t true, the physical altercations that were bad enough to leave scars (and give her flashbacks just by touching a broom handle), the way she was taken to “camp” to convert her into something her family would consider less of an abomination and the indignities she had to deal with there... he knows it all, or at least the vast majority of it. considering her massive dislike and even repulsion at the idea of anyone else knowing her so intimately, as this knowledge could eventually be weaponized to cut her even deeper, she doesn’t regret telling him anything or being so vulnerable with him. she knows he wouldn’t say anything to intentionally cause her harm.

while mercy doesn’t mind losing to niko when they play pool, darts, bowling, or whatever else homeboy is clearly going to be better at than she is, it’s been decided (whether spoken or no) that the two of them probably shouldn’t play anything else that’s considered to be competitive. she is a sore winner and even more of a sore loser, the latter especially if she thinks whatever they’re doing is something she should be dominating in. while she would never be completely terrible to him outright, nor would she let anything carry over into the rest of their relationship, it’s just... it’s better that he not be exposed to that side of her too frequently, if at all. given the fact that she’s Like This(TM) and niko has a temper, as does mercy, it just seems like the better idea for them in the long run to not test those waters, lol. anything that is considered competitive should always be handled in a way that they’re both on the same team. they already work and mesh well together in a lot of ways so i don’t see how that couldn’t extend even to more mundane things such as playing a board game or card game or anything else they might get their hands on (or that mercy can talk him into, and you can best believe she’ll try to talk him into doing all of these things). i’m sure that, if/when he introduces homegirl to roman and mallorie, they’re both like “jfc y’all are ridiculous and fucking intense, we don’t wanna play this game with you anymore damn,” but they’ll also probably like the fact that niko found someone that can make him chuckle more than twice in one evening. (and because i mentioned bowling earlier on... i’d like to think if either of them are ever like “yo d’you wanna go bowling?” it’s an invitation for sexy times rather than actually going bowling. ;3c)

niko is the only person that mercy has invited to her apartment that she’s ever wanted to actually stay, and is, eventually, the only person she’s ever actually slept next to in her own bed. this is because she’s always found the idea of having someone around for long incredibly exhausting and simply not worth the trouble. too often could someone try to dig deeper into what she does and how nefarious those things can be. or, if she should develop feelings for anyone, she doesn’t know how to behave or what is considered ‘normal’ since she’s never been in love before and hasn’t exactly had a healthy example of what a relationship should be to use as a reference. once she moved past those fears and niko became more and more prominent in her life, mercy’s fears moved into a more superficial territory. while not all the time, the woman snores like someone’s dad. she’s also prone to terrible nightmares and even the occasional full blown night terror when she does actually sleep. mercy puts off a fuck ton of heat and, despite the fact that she could make it a point to sleep on the very edge of the bed away from him, mercy is a cuddler. she also shifts around in her sleep a lot, steals the covers, and probably has a lot of other issues depending upon what part of her narrative we’re talking about, since different substances can do different things to you when you pass out. so yeah... she almost dreaded the thought of sharing a bed with him for a while (and it was probably a contributing factor as to why it took her so long to become physical with him - though it isn’t as much of a factor as her own self-hatred and doubt, amongst other things). it takes her a long while to completely let all of that go, but once she does that aspect of their relationship is smooth sailing... and perhaps it’s a little too smooth considering how handsy she can get. always in private though, or at least where there’s not a chance of drawing too much attention to them, and it’s never anything outrageous or obvious either.  it should also be noted though... when he’s there mercy eventually does sleep just a little better, and eventually can sleep pretty well once things progress farther than a few nights of being together. she’s a little less tired, smiles a lot more, and isn’t quite so angry. homegirl is also prone to waking up early to make breakfast.

[neicywrts]

💍 Jax + Evie

@iraclemayrps

evie x jax wedding

where they get married

The ceremony happens in a big church, but the reception/ after party is a beautiful garden venue with fairy lights and lanterns. 

when they get married ( ie what time of day, what month and season etc.)

They have a nice end of spring early summer wedding, when it’s not too hot during the day in Atlanta but at night time there's a cool breeze. Most likely middle of May or end of April.

what traditions they include 

Something old, something blue and something new- the day of the wedding Evie’s mom gives her a silver and sapphire hair comb to attach her veil to. It was given to her mom by her mom— who passed away years ago— and she was more than happy to pass it down to her first born. It’s got the vintage look that Evie loves. Small crystals and pearls outline sapphire stones in an intricate pattern of swirls. It takes her a minute to get herself together and not ruin her make-up. 

They jump the broom, and hang it on the wedding display in their house.

If it wasn’t a full on party by the time Evie is sat down in a chair for the garter toss, it definitely is after. Friends and family hoot and holler when the DJ changes the current song to Knockin’ da Boots by H-Town. Evie couldn’t keep the heat off her cheeks, laughing and egging him on as her husband sauntered over to her. The look he gave her let her know that this was nothing compared to what she was gonna get later. Still, he got down on his knees, keeping eye contact until he had to disappear under her dress. Evie threw her head back and laughed when she felt his teeth on her thigh. In Jackson fashion, he pulled the garter all the way down her leg with his teeth and passed her white Converse clad feet(cause lbr, Evie is not keeping heels on the whole time). Jax’s best friend and best man catches the garter. 

The DJ plays Destiny Child’s Jumpin when it’s time for the bouquet toss. All of Evie and Jax’s girlfriends and cousins form a crowd some feet behind her. The only one of Jax’s family members and his favorite cousin who fully supported their union caught the bouquet. 

what their wedding cake looks like

It’s a tall, white three tier cake with frosting flowers around the base. Decorative pearls and blue ribbons surround each tier, leading up to the top.

….who smashes cake into whose face

They do it to each other, but Evie starts it cause she play too much.

who proposed to who first

Jax was slick about it, because he knew Evie would catch onto him. It was Valentine’s Day weekend. Before their relationship was official, they celebrated periodically, and Evie usually tried to catch him off guard with it. This time, he got her. Evie came home to see candles and flowers scattered all over her living room, a trail of rose petals leading to her bedroom. On her bed is a new dress and a note, telling her to be ready eight. Evie could barely contain her excitement. She knew he would pop the question that night. Evie put on the knee length champagne colored wrap dress, her hair straightened with a middle part, and her make up minimal and natural. True to his word, Jackson was knocking at her door by eight sharp. They spent a romantic night at a nice restaurant in downtown Atlanta. Jax rented out a private section for them to have some privacy. The food and drinks were great, but throughout the whole dinner, she waited for him to ask her. Just when the night was ending, Jax slid a small velvet box over to her, a knowing look in his eyes. Evie’s smile was bright, delicate finger picking up and opening the box to finally see...diamond earrings. She tried her hardest to not let her smile falter. Tried her hardest to hide her disappointment. The earrings were lovely, and she told him such, leaning over the table to give him a kiss. 

Each passing day it became harder and harder to hide that she was upset. For a long time, she hadn’t even wanted to get married, but now she wanted it a lot. A whole lot. They had talked about marriage before she was ready, and now that she was, he was dragging his feet. After a week, her attitude hadn’t improved. She barely let him touch her. If he knew that she was mad at him, he didn’t ask her about it, which made her all the more irritated. The next Saturday, Jax, Evie and their daughter Zora were spending the day at the gardens. Zozo liked looking and trying to name all the different flowers. “Mommy, look at the bracelet daddy got me,” Zozo said, holding her wrist up for her to see. “Oh that’s nice, baby,” Evie commented. Zora fished in her pocket and pulled out a velvet box. “Here’s your gift.” It wasn’t uncommon for Jax to get both of them gifts. If Evie got something big, Zora got something small, and vice versa. Sighing, Evie took the box from her daughter’s small hand prepared to see a matching bracelet. Her heart fell to her stomach when she saw a diamond ring. Her head snapped to Jax, and was down on one knee. 

 who walks down the aisle and who waits at the altar ( or neither )

Evie walks down the aisle, Jax waits at the altar. Zora is the flower girl. 

what their wedding dresses / suits / other look like

For the first time in however many years of Jackson and Evie knowing each other, his mother and Evie put their differences aside to help her find a wedding dress. Evie went to his mom first, knowing that if anything, the woman would know where she could get a dress. That was the only thing the Evie didn’t mine splurging on. She wanted her dress to be really nice. She was marrying Jackson Murphy, the only son in his high society family. This was going to be the wedding everyone talked about for years. Her dress couldn’t be basic. 

It took them a while to find something they both agreed on. Bridal boutique after bridal boutique. His mother knew a French designer sent in designs, but Evie didn’t like any of them. Just when she thought she would never find her dress, she did.It was a ball gown style, but not too fluffy. It consisted of layers of chiffon, the outer layer was lace with intricate flower patterns at the bottom and in the long train.  The sweetheart neckline was adorned with sequence and crystal. It had lace sleeves with the same flowery design that was on the bottom of the dress. The back was cut out in a deep swoop. It was the beautiful, classy with a hint of sexy dress that she wanted.

what their wedding colour scheme is and what sort of decor they have

The wedding colour scheme is light blue and cream. Ribbons, pearls, candles and flower everywhere. 

what flowers are in the bouquet 

Evie’s bouquet had light blue hydrangeas and white roses. The bridesmaids bouquets just had roses, the groomsmen has blue hydrangeas. 

what their vows are ( eg poetry, traditional, improvised etc. )

They both spent time on their vows, but it’s hard to really think off all the things you want to say to the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. At the end, they both went with what was in their hearts. Evie cried. 

if anyone’s late to the wedding

Not at all. Anyone who knew them and witnessed the development of their relationship couldn’t wait for them to finally tie the knot. If anything, people were too early. A first for black people. 

who’s in the bridal parties / groomsmen / other

Evie’s sister is her maid of honor, Jax’s cousin, and her three best friends. 

what their bridal party / groomsmen / other are wearing

Evie’s bridesmaids are wearing light blue floor length dresses with off the shoulder cap sleeves. The dresses are the same color as the hydrangeas in her bouquet. The groomsmen wore black tux with blue ties and suspenders. 

who gives speeches at the reception ( bonus: what do they say? recount a sweet memory or two between them? tell an embarrassing story? )

Evie’s best friend since childhood, Brianna gives a speech. She was one of the few people who was a first hand witness to their relationship. She starts off by retelling the first time Evie had told her about Jax. Some rich boy she had to tutor to keep her scholarship, even though she didn’t even wanna be in the school. She thought he was cute, but arrogant and definitely not her type. As her best friend, she could easily tell when Evie was fronting. Then his name started coming up more regularly. He went from just ‘that rich boy’ to Jackson, to Jax. Evie would casually bring him up in conversations with something he did or said to her. Then they were hanging out outside of school. Brianna thought, ‘this boy must like pain’, because anyone who knew Evie when she was younger could testify about how mean she was. There was no way Jackson wasn’t getting that same heat. The first time she met Jax and saw how he and Evie interacted, she saw that Evie was giving him heat, but he liked that shit. Anybody who could handle Evie’s attitude was worth keeping around. That night, Brianna forced Evie into admitting that she liked Jackson. So, if it weren’t for Brianna, Evie would’ve taken a lot longer to let Jax in. They both owe her a thank you, but either way they took too damn long. She ends the speech with a toast, knowing that their love was boundless and would stand strong against any test. 

who catches the bouquet( s )

Jax’s cousin

what their wedding photos are like 

Their photos are a mix of sweet and silly. They didn’t need the photographer to tell them to look at each other, they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. Smiles were natural and easy. They took picture with the three of them; Evie, Jax and Zozo. Evie’s bridesmaids pictures are silly, because they couldn’t get it together for shit. They got one good and formal picture, the rest are true depictions of their friendship. Evie’s favorite one of them is when she’s holding out her ring, and the girls are fawning over her hand. 

what sort of food they have at the reception

Evie came up with the menu herself, and it was a good mix of southern and bougie.

who cries first during the ceremony

Evie definitely. She’s crying when her mom gives her the hair comb and during her vows. 

how wild their reception gets ( who dances the best, who gets drunk first, etc. )

Their reception turns into a full blown Atlanta party by 10pm. Evie and Jax are both feeling the liquor. The DJ changes the music to club/track songs. Atlanta native and her favorite rapper, 2 Chainz is heavy on the playlist, along with classics and their throwback college joints. There’s a really good picture of Evie bent over with her hands on her knees, tongue out and twerking on Jax to Back that Azz Up. 

what their rings are like

Evie’s ring is probably a 10 carat ring with a 6 carat pear shaped stone flanked by two 2 carat diamonds. Evie loves the ring, but she cooked and worked with her hands, there was no way she could walk away with that heavy ass ring on her finger with her regular ass self. But of course, Jax truly knew her, and bought her a matching chain to put the ring on.

what sort of favours they have 

They give out mini champagne bottles and little booklets with recipe to the cake Evie made. 

where they go for their honeymoon

That’s one of the few things Evie leaves entirely up to Jax. She’d never been outside the country, and Jax is way more cultured than she is. He would plan the perfect honeymoon. And he did. The morning after their wedding, they kissed Zozo goodbye and with her parents before getting on a private jet. Evie never liked plans, but Jax was more than willing to distract her on the twelve hour flight to Nice, France. Jackson got them a beautiful villa that had a great view of the water and town below. He spoiled her no end. Each day for a month was something different and fun. And because neither of them could be away from Zora that long, Jax had her flown in for a week. After four weeks, Evie thought for sure that they were heading home, but Jax had something else planned. She was skeptical about leaving her business alone that long, but Jackson could be really convincing when he wanted to be. They took a flight to Venice, Italy. As a chef, Italy was a wet dream for Evie. Unlike Nice, which was all pebbly shores, mountains and beaches, Venice was grand and metropolitan. She was like a kid in the candy store. Another month was spent there, and just like before, Jackson flew Zora out to spend a week with them in Venice. After two months, Evie felt bittersweet about going back home, but she missed her cycle after the first month and knew she needed to make a doctors appointment. 

something memorable that happens during the party / ceremony 

Poor Zozo couldn’t hang, and fell asleep with her grandma before 9pm. 

who officiates the ceremony

The pastor of the church they got married in

what song their first dance is to

Made to Love Ya by Gerald Levert

who gives who away as they walk down the aisle

Evie’s father walks her down the aisle. His eyes are watery with joy and pride. He hands Evie’s hand to Jax, jokingly saying “she’s your problem now” before having a seat next to Evie’s mom.

[upslapmeal]

So on Monday I went to Rachel Bloom’s concert in London which was honestly so much fun, and I said I’d make a post about it so here are the Hot Deets™

Rachel talked between songs, a significant proportion of which was done in an accent that would make Dick Van Dyke proud, and I’m not going to be able to remember everything so I’ve made a list of the songs (minus whichever ones I’ve inevitably forgotten) in (roughly) the order they were performed and I’ll just mention any notable things I remember. Oh and it was 6 years ago to the day that Rachel and Aline first met!

Period Sex

a strong opener, of course

she changed macys.com to primark and everyone lost their minds

‘primark sounds like a brand of pregnancy test’

Oh My God I Think I Like You

‘that was barely a song, we wrote that in about 20 minutes so here’s an actual song’

We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now

this was based, naturally, on Rachel and Adam Schlesinger’s electric chemistry

I’m A Good Person

she preceded this with a hilarious story about how when she and her husband were in London for the first time, she got him to watch Mary Poppins which he hadn’t seen before, and all he took away was that Mary Poppins spent the film gaslighting two children

‘the way they talk about it being real after all in Mary Poppins Returns is EXACTLY how people talk about repressed memories of that time uncle Bobby had a little too much to drink’

this had the seamless link to the song of her saying that she may have ruined our childhoods but she had something to tell us, except she misread the planned song order so the band started playing........not I’m A Good Person

♫ say it, tell me I’m a good person wait no not yet I have a whole bit I wanted to do ok say it or I won’t stop making fun of your accent: ‘I’m from the north’ ‘I’m from the south’ ‘and I’m from the fucking SEEEAAAAAAA!’ ♫

Feeling Kinda Naughty

Sexy French Depression

‘this is a song about Europe, which you may not be part of any more?’

I was going to stick a video of the story she told beforehand here but I can’t work out how to without uploading it to youtube

but basically it was the story of her husband trying to get takeaway soup from a restaurant in Paris that refused to give him takeaway

..........it was funnier than that sounds

Friendtopia

they bought on two audience members to sing the Heather/Valencia parts and Kat Burns taught them the dance!

Kat was a sweetheart and checked we all understood what y’all meant

we got her ‘have a good show!’ before they started the song

We Tapped That Ass

Adam and Ethan Eubanks (the drummer) sang this while Rachel and Kat danced

Rachel, sitting on stage putting on her tap shoes while everyone else waits: ‘you know I really should have worked this into the act’

then at the end she got Kat to help her with a bit she messed up during the song until she got it right 

What’ll It Be

unlike putting her shoes on, taking her shoes off was worked into the act in the form of Adam singing this

it was the first of several times the audience all shone/waved our phone torches

It Was A Shit Show

full video of this here

‘if anyone wants to sing this to someone tonight then go for it, you know they’re not the one’

The Math Of Love Triangles

Pete Gardner and Scott Michael Foster appeared to sing the professors’ parts and the audience lost it, all the people I could hear near me clearly had no idea they would be there and it was the first song to get a standing ovation

Jazz Fever

if there was just one of Rachel’s pre-CXG songs I wanted her to perform then it would have been this so I was delighted

I Love My Daughter

Let’s Have Intercourse

sung by Scott ‘I may have drunk too much last night so can you all sing the high notes for me bc there is physically no way I can hit them rn’ Foster

at the end he put a condom on one of Rachel’s fingers and she gave it to someone in the audience

except apparently it was drenched in lube which was then all over Rachel’s hands, making getting the mike off the stand for the next song trickier than it should have been

‘it turns out that lube makes a great cuticle cream’

A Diagnosis

Gettin’ Bi

the bi flag flown high was, in fact, a union jack

Scott was (not played, was) the saxophone solo

I Go To The Zoo

either they got the volume wrong at the start or they wanted it to feel like we were in an actual club but it was so loud at the beginning you couldn’t even hear Scott sing

Rachel and Kat were the animals, Pete was Ron and not-Susan

Fuckton Of Cats

Sports Analogies

Pete sang (mostly - there were definitely a couple of lines that should have had words but came out badadabumdapdaadaa) the Josh lines

naturally they added a final line about how football isn’t soccer

The Darkness

another time the audience all shone/waved our phone torches, apparently the first time that had happened for a performance of this song

‘singing about the darkness to an audience that’s literally giving me light is pretty fucking moving’

Ray Bradbury/Stacy’s Mom Mashup

I knew they’d performed Stacy’s Mom at some of the other concerts they’ve done but it wasn’t until this concert that I made the connection with Adam Schlesinger

this was the ‘‘‘‘last song’’’

‘I need to tell them there will be an encore, Adam! IF I DIDN’T THEY MIGHT LEAVE’

You Stupid Bitch

all the little side comments in this song work so well with it being an actual song performed live to an audience

we did know this one! we did sing with her!!

honestly what better way to close the show

Towards the end Rachel, Kat, Pete and Scott posed for photos based on themes suggested by the audience - zoo, horny angry tango, and group hug:

And that’s about it! Afterwards everyone except Rachel (at least while I was there) popped out to spend a bit of time at the stage door but the group I was with was too far back in the queue to say hi. I did, however, get my Broom Darryl pin passed up the queue to Pete when he came out so he got that and put it on his hat. But the whole thing was just such a Good Time, 10/10 would recommend if Rachel Bloom performs anywhere near you. Or even not that near, I can confirm that it’s worth the flight.