#bangchanangst

[staynskz]

Making Amends

Pairing: Husband Bangchan x Wife female reader

Genre: angst

Word count: 2.5k

Warning(s): None

 Prologue: You and Chan had dated for some time before deciding it was a good time to marry. You both had children soon after marriage; Aris, your daughter, is 5 years old, and Eli, your son, is 3 years old. You both had a wonderful marriage. Compromises were always made to work around everyone’s schedule, but you were sure to make sure everything was always in order around your home. Sometimes, those compromises were you being too forgiving at times. It was hard, but it could be worse. Chan was always helpful, but there were also times where he overworked and forgot to worry about his responsibilities at home. Those were times that got dark and hard for you.

There were so many blessings in your life: your two children, Aris and Eli, your husband, Chan, and so many more people you’ve gotten to know over the years. Sometimes, life would get in the way, but it was so hard to try and smile through it all. You understood that Chan was busy producing and leading the group, but you also knew that there could’ve been ways around both of your schedules to make time for each other. If you could do it, Chan should be willing to compromise too. You felt like you were giving too much time to everyone else but yourself. It was getting harder and harder every day. Chan kept coming home late and was overworking himself, but you loved him too much to bother to ask for any help. The children were still so young, and you wanted nothing but to watch them grow up. It was too much now. You were overthinking, weren’t you?

 After finishing the dishes, showering the children, and tucking them into their beds, you finally were able to sit on your bed before ending the night by closing your eyes. You couldn’t close your eyes. You didn’t know what tomorrow held. Chan still wasn’t home either. All of the thoughts in your head brought you to tears. You hadn’t cried like this before. You were broken, burnt out, and exhausted. Being a loving mother, doting wife, and friends to others was too much now. You could only keep crying into your hands. It felt like it was nonstop. You weren’t you anymore; you’d changed. Wanting to avoid getting puffy eyes in the morning, you decided to get up and clean your eyes before going to bed. As you looked up, you saw a figure that made you jump from shock. It was Chan. Trying to wipe your tears away before he could see them, you smiled at him saying, “hi babe, you’re home early.” He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you. He knew you were hurting. You always did that. You hid your pain regardless of how much it hurt you to keep it altogether. To avoid the worried stare he had in his eyes, you got up to go to the bathroom. Hurrying past him, you hoped that he wouldn’t say anything about your crying. Chan knew how to read the room. He knew that you didn’t like to talk about anything until you were ready. “Babe…why were you crying?” he asked quietly. Darn it! He asked! Shit! Shit! Shit! What do you say? Turning around, you saw that Chan was still staring at the bed. Before more tears could form, you assured, “I was just watching a really good movie. It touched my heart, so I’m just relaxing from it.” “You don’t cry like that over movies, Y/N…” “Well this just reminded me of a lot of sad stories I’d heard about,” you were doing anything to lie to avoid a scolding from Chan about you not opening up to him about your problems. “Y/N-” “I’m telling the truth, Chan, it’s not that serious-“ was all you could muster before he turned around and stared at you. That stare was like nothing you’ve ever seen before. He was so tired, yet so worried about you as well. His eyebags were dark and bigger than the night before. You just hoped that he would let it slide. You went silent. When Chan looked at you like this, you were unable to lie and say that you were okay. He knew you, inside and out. You were both inseparable-soulmates as some would say. The red string that ties your souls together was being pulled from you both and drawing you far away from each other. “Don’t lie to me, Y/N. You know I don’t like it when you lie. We said we would be open and honest from the day we’ve been together until now. There’s nothing that we should be keeping from each other.” “Chan, I…” Should you keep lying until you get out of this rut? You were able to fool Chan for awhile sometimes, but this time it wasn’t going to work. “I’ve just been stressed…” “Stressed about what?” he asked as he slowly approached you. “About everything, honestly. There’s so much that I need to take care of, and the kids are still growing up, and I’m trying to make dinner every night, I’m trying to sleep every night, I’m trying to make sure you’re doing okay, I’m trying to make sure all of my duties at work are complete before the day ends, it all just keeps going around and around, Chan. It’s never going to stop. And… it feels like you’re not here to help me, Chan. I feel so alone, and I’m trying to make sure everyone’s doing okay while I’m not okay…” Chan was always a good listener; whatever problems you had, he was there to offer knowledgeable advice. He was silent this time around. You looked up at him staring straight down at you. “So, you’re saying you’re mad at me?” “Wait, no. Chan, I’m not-I mean-I am, just a little bit, but-” “Why didn’t you just say it then? You know that you could’ve just told me. I’m always here to listen to whatever problems you have, babe.” “Well… you’ve been so busy producing that I didn’t want to bother you at all. I wanted to make sure you weren’t stressed for whatever project you have going on at work.” “But we said-” “Yes, Chan. I know what we promised each other when we got married, but sometimes it’s not enough for-” “So you think I’m not doing enough?” “What? No. Chan, I didn’t mean it like that.” “You could’ve just said it to me if you wanted me to do more, Y/N. You know that I love you and I want what’s best for our family. Why do you-” “How am I supposed to tell you when you’re always busy, Chan?!” There it was… your limiting point. You hated it when people asked you why you didn’t say anything in the beginning. You were too considerate for your own good. “How am I supposed to talk to a husband who’s never home?! My husband isn’t home to help me cook dinner, bathe the children, and can’t even get home to eat least enjoy dinner with me?!” “Oh, so you ARE mad at me. Well, if you said anything to me, I would’ve-” “Stop saying that! Stop saying that if I said something you would’ve done something, Chan! You know that I’m busy, yet you leave me home with the children to care for, and I do everything for this house! If you truly cared, you would’ve SEEN that I was exhausted from doing this all on my own!” “Well, I’ve just been-” “Sometimes, it doesn’t even feel like I’m a married woman, Chan! These women out here have husbands who worry about them, who take care of them, who do everything they can to make a house function, but you just worry about work! Do you even care about us?! Your wife who works AND cleans your house?! Your children who barely get to see you as they’re growing up?!” You weren’t thinking clearly. You were angry. You were angry at life, the world, and especially Chan at this moment. You didn’t think those words would come out of your mouth, though. You never meant to say hurtful things to each other, but stressful times would sometimes get the best of you both. Chan scoffed at your response and walked backwards toward to closet. “Well, I’m sorry that you feel like a single mother, Y/N. Sorry that I can’t be the perfect husband for you or be the perfect father for our children.” “Chan…I didn’t mean that. I-” “We’ll just leave it at that,” Chan said as he grabbed his suitcase and jacket, leaving the bedroom. You knew where he was going… back to the studio to produce more. You were frustrated as hell, but you had work in the morning and were already tired from the day, so you decided it was time to call it day and slid into the covers to sleep.

 Over the next few days, you and Chan barely spoke to each other. You didn’t want to speak to an angry Chan, and hurting him with your words was enough. However, the kids were able to sense the tension between you and Chan. They knew that on normal days, mommy and daddy would wake them up, and everybody would get ready together. On normal days, mommy and daddy would cook dinner together with daddy back hugging and kissing mommy until mommy had to kick him out from being too annoying. When cleaning after dinner, mommy and daddy would have a dance session in the kitchen. On normal days, daddy would put on a show for them, and have them all tackle and tickle mommy until mommy gave up laughing. On normal days, daddy would come home from work early, and daddy would share what daddy created in the studio. The past few days weren’t normal. Aris and Eli knew that. Even at a young age, they knew that mommy and daddy weren’t happy. On Saturday morning, Aris asked you, “Mommy… are you and daddy mad at each other?” Lost in your own train of thought, you snapped back into reality as your daughter tapped you for an answer. “Huh? What was that, honey?” “I saidddd are you and daddy mad at each other???” What were you supposed to tell your kids? That you and Chan had an argument? Hell no. “No, baby. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it, okay? You need to eat your breakfast before you go to uncle Binnie’s, okay?” Eyeing Eli suspiciously, she goes back to eating her breakfast. Trying to hide the tears brimming in your eyes, you smiled at the kids before going back to eating your own breakfast. Today was a Saturday, and you didn’t feel prepared to work at all. You had been hauling your ass around at work for the past few weeks preparing for a project you had to present today. They’d pushed dates around, causing you an even bigger headache, and making you have to change plans last minute. The kids were dropped off at Changbin and his s/o’s house. They’d volunteered to take care of the kids since you and Chan were both working.

 After work, you were on your way to Changbin’s house. Outside his house, you saw Chan’s car parked in front of his house. You texted Chan that the kids were going to be at Changbin’s house, but he never replied. You were surprised he didn’t inform you if he was going to pick them up or not either. Inhaling deeply, you got out of your car and walked towards the front door. Ringing the doorbell, you heard little bits of laughter and shrieking coming from inside. The kids always loved their uncle Binnie; he never failed to entertain them. Chan was the one who came to open the door. You stood by the front door, instructing the kids that their fun time with uncle Binnie was over. Bummed out, they said bye to their uncle and auntie Binnie.

 After tucking the children into bed together, Chan approached you. “Why do the kids know that we’re not happy right now?” “What do you mean? I don’t understand.” “The kids told Changbin that we were arguing and were mad at each other,” he explained. You stood speechless. You knew children would say random things, but you didn’t think your daughter could pick up so easily on small clues. “Don’t act so innocent, Y/N. I know you’re always gossiping on the phone with your girlfriends about how unhappy you are in our marriage.” Those words stung. They hurt even worse than if someone were to take a knife and penetrate your heart with it. “How would I know, Chan?! Maybe it’s because they don’t see their father! Maybe it’s because they know that none of us are happy in this damn house!” “Don’t play the victim. I know that it’s because of your big mouth that our children have to hear about this!” There he was… attacking you again-for something that was entirely out of your control. “MY BIG MOUTH?! I HAVEN’T EVEN SPOKEN TO MY FRIENDS FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SO BUSY! IF YOU ACTUALLY KNEW MY DAY TO DAY SCHEDULE, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT OUR CHILDREN AREN’T DUMB, CHAN! YOU WOULD KNOW THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP WITHOUT YOU!” He was angry-trying to stay calm, but the silence was from anger, not from understanding nor from love. Where did your marriage go wrong? Where did you both turn into hate-filled lovers, who can’t even speak to each other without raising your voices? You didn’t know, and you didn’t care. You had been patient enough. You were silent for too long. It wasn’t going to change anything. There was so much that you wanted to say, but you knew Chan wasn’t going to do anything either. His compromises were the bare minimum. To hide the tears that were falling down your face, you turned your back towards Chan, and walked out the door. It was hard enough that you felt like a single mother. Before leaving the room, you admitted to Chan, “You know what, maybe I am unhappy in this marriage. I do feel like a single mother taking care of my own children…Maybe it’s time we find new things to do rather than stay in this worthless relationship, Chan.”

Your marriage was failing. Not was… is. Your marriage was something you’d wanted to be so proud of since you were a little girl. You imagined yourself being the caring, doting mother and wife, and being the one everyone else was envious of. It was the total opposite now. Everyone pitied you because you had a husband who didn’t care for you, probably hated you as well. There were so many things going on inside your head, you couldn’t think clearly anymore. At work, you couldn’t focus. The words you’d said to Chan-that you knew pierced his heart as well. You felt so guilty. Was your marriage going to end in divorce? Was it going to be the relationship you promised to never have? Either way, it was going to be one hell of a struggle trying to please everyone’s schedules.

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Author’s Note: Hi, I’m just barely starting out this series. I’m not sure how many parts I’m gonna write, but hopefully you guys liked it! :) Give me some critical feedback or advice on my writing if you want too! I want to continuously write better!

Tag list: @crispbang 

[crispychannie]

Risk~

Bang Chan x Fem Reader

Genre : fluff

Word count : 1.5k

Warnings : None at all

Summary : idol falling in love with a fan.

Note : I just hope y’all like it. I’m blown away at how much love my previous post got, I’m so grateful for it. Thank you so much. I hope I keep delivering content y’all like.

My prev post : “Bestfriend”

Enjoy ~

The dating ban ended a few months ago, and it has been 2 months since Chan and you had started talking. He met you at a fan sign, and you had caught his eye ever since.

As time passed his crush grew deeper, and would find ways to be around you. There was friendly flirting between you both. You couldn’t believe that your bias, the guy who you only ever imagined talking to, would try to hit on you with corny texts and cheesy pickup lines.

You raised your eyebrow at the “delivered” status of your text. 10 minutes passed. 15. 20. Did he fall asleep somehow?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of your doorbell. Who could it be at this hour? Your heartbeat started racing. Could it be a drunk man? Cause that had happened before. You decided to ignore it, hoping whoever it is would go away. A minute later the door bell rang again. Your hands fell cold, blood rushing through your heart. You first went to the kitchen to grab a knife and hid it behind your back. Taking a look through the peep hole, you saw a pale man, wearing a black beanie and black clothes, looking around at the surroundings. Thieves don’t have this amount of patience and manners. You looked again, he was now exactly in front of the hole. As he rang the bell again you unlocked the door and swung it open and let the man inside.

“What took you so long?” He asked as he removed his beanie and ruffled his curly hair.

“I thought it was a drunk man or a thief.” You said as you stood in a more comfortable position, speaking in your defence while swinging your arm around.

His eyes went wide on looking at the knife.

“Please don’t stab me.” He said with his hands in front of his chest.

You chuckled, “Oh come on Chris.”

You put the knife back to where it belonged, with him following you around like a puppy. This was his second time at your place. The first being invited in because he needed to use the restroom after a lunch date.

“Do you know what time it is?” You asked pointing at the wall clock hanging in your living room.

“It’s cuddle time!!” He said as he grinned with his eyes shut close, flashing his dimples while making grabby hands towards you. Gosh why is he such a baby. Failing to suppress your smile, you took him by his hand and led him to your room.

“My bed isn’t big enough for the both of us.” You said while looking at your bed, which was only a bit bigger than a single sized.

“It’s alright, the lesser the space, the comfier it is.” He said while dragging you towards the bed as if he owned it.

You laid down on the bed. All of this was new to you, even though you’ve had relationships in the past, none of them led to cuddling together. So a question sprung in your mind, ‘what is the correct way to do it?’ You look at Chan who was now making himself comfortable beside you, plugging his charger in at the port beside the bed. Having done so, he looks at you with a warm smile. His ears were red, maybe this was new to him too.

“Big spoon or little spoon?” He asked.

“Whichever suits you I guess.” You said being unsure.

“I wanna be big spoon.” You nodded and faced your back towards him. He snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. You stopped breathing for a second but your heart was still pumping at 280 kmph.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” you hadn’t realised his face was so close to you until you could feel his warm breath hit the back your neck as he spoke and small breaths as he breathed softly.

“Goodnight Chan.” You smiled to yourself as you intertwined your fingers with his which rested on your waist, upon which he made himself more comfortable by pulling you closer, eliminating every inch of space between you both. You could feel his curls brush against your ear, indicating how close he was to you, breathing softly, you both fell asleep.

*2 weeks later*

Chan had been coming over to sleep with you every other day. It was now at this point that you’ve developed an attachment with him, it was hard for you to fall asleep without having him by your side. And that scared you. You didn’t plan on getting this attached to him and you knew that one day or the other he would stop coming over and that thought felt like a twist in your heart.

Today was now one of the nights he would come over. You guys would have dinner together, sometimes take out, sometimes you would prepare something for him, or you both would cook together. He was bringing your favourite, cheese tteotbokki.

After dinner, you both did the usual, clean up and head to bed. At this point, Chan had a few of his clothes in your closet. It was more convenient that way. Chan was never the type of person who would go to sleep immediately. He would change into his pajamas, and sit with his headphones on for the longest time possible, until he gets tired. It was now 3:30 am and were woken up by the sound of a thud. When you opened your eyes, you found out that Chan had dropped his phone on the ground and was now patting your head to put you back to sleep.

“Chan it’s late.” You said groggily.

“Yeah, I’m almost done.” He said, with his hand now resting on your head, weaved with your hair.

“You know that won’t put me to sleep, right?” You chuckled as your gaze stopped at him. You were taking in his features for a few moments. He noticed and smiled at you, taking his headphones off, putting his laptop away.

“So what will?” He asked as he laid down beside you, hand now resting on your cheek. You smiled at him and he pulled you close, your head now close to his chest and his hand around you shoulder and head, playing with your hair. There was a different level of closeness and comfort between you both, maybe not usual between friends, or if we’re talking about reality, an idol and a fan.

“Chan... can I say something?” You spoke, breaking the silence. He hummed in response.

“I don’t know if I should say this, but... I feel myself getting used to.. all of this.” You said, mustering up some courage.

“Does that scare you?” He asked. Even though the answer was yes, you thought about it. Why should it? But also, why shouldn’t it?

“Yes.” You mumbled. A silence fell upon the both of you.

“It scares me too. I haven’t felt this way in like, forever. I mean, I don’t know if the decision I want to take is right or wrong. You know what I mean?” He said. You moved back to take a look at him.

“What decision?” You asked.

“I- I don’t think I want to be scared, ya know? Of this or of getting attached to you.” As he spoke about what he had been thinking about, it felt like he was speaking your mind. As if he could read what you had been thinking about. You could only hum out in response.

“Y/N” he said fixing his gaze with yours. All these days of being so close to each other and you never directly looked into his eyes, how brown they were and how they sparkled. They gave you butterflies, heck, you were pretty sure you could feel the whole zoo running rampage inside your stomach.

“I don’t want to hide anymore.”

“I don’t either.” You said, resting your hand on his. He looked at you for a moment before pecking your lips. His lips so warm and soft against yours, and in a short moment, the warm feeling was gone, it made your lips feel cold.

A smile blossomed on his face.

“Do you wanna come with me tomorrow? To talk to PD-nim about us?” He asked.

“And then we make it official?” You asking, failing to hold back your smile.

“And then, we make it official.” He said. He was about to pull you in a hug when you put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“What if he doesn’t approve? You’re an idol, I’m a nobody. I make coffee on weekends. You will end up in great peril.”

“He will. I will convince him, even if he doesn’t, it’s a chance I’m willing to take. ‘Cause I know, I won’t find anyone like you.”

“Chan...I don’t wanna be a menace for you..” you trailed off.

“Sshh. Don’t worry about it. He can’t refuse me.” He shushed you as he pulled you in his embrace and placed a kiss on your temple.

Maybe things would turn out as you both wanted, right?

[staynskz]

Making Amends: Part Two

Pairing: husband BangChan x female reader

Genre: slight angst, fluff

Word count: 2.2k+

Warning(s): none

At work, your boss realized how distracted you were. “Y/N, are you okay?” she asked, snapping you back to reality. “Huh? Oh… yeah I’m doing okay, just a bit deep in thought.” She stared at you with worried eyes. “It doesn’t seem like it. Look, why don’t you go home and get some rest for a few days while I work on the rest of the project, okay?” “What? No, it’s okay-I’m completely capable of completing the project, don’t worry, I-” “Y/N… you’re my hardest working employee. I’m sure it’ll be fine if you take some time off, okay? Why don’t you go home and stay with your kids for a bit and see how it goes. Maybe spend some time with them while they’re still small, hmm?”

She was right. You’d been so caught up in this project, you barely slept, ate, nor spent much time with children anymore. You thought the project was only going to last for a bit, but that was never the case with any project at work. “Are you sure?” you guiltily asked. “Yes, I’m sure! Now go! Enjoy the rest of your day off, hun!” As she shooed you out of the office, you walked out into the street and realized that you didn’t even remember how to have fun. You planned a small date for you and your kids. They for sure were going to have fun with you today. You were going to make memories they’d never forget.

After picking up the kids from Changbin’s house, you surprised them by going to the park near the house. It had been so long since you’d brought them here. It felt like a million years had gone by already. The three of you ate ice cream, played lava monster on the playground, and ate dinner together. The day was set as a memory you’d never forget. When the three of you got home later that evening, you saw that Chan’s car was in the driveway. It was weird that he was home so early. You weren’t displeased, but from the last conversation you both had, you weren’t so happy either. Either way, you inhaled deeply and went into the house.

Chan was sitting on the couch when the three of you trudged your way in. Aris and Eli both dropped their backpacks on the ground and ran over to Chan. “Daddy!!!” they screamed as they attempted to climb onto Chan’s lap. “Hi kiddos,” he said while grabbing them both and placing them on his lap. “Daddy, guess what mommy and us did today??” Aris asked Chan. “What is it? What did you and mommy do, hmm?” Eli cut his sister short as he started exaggerating every detail of the day. They were both so busy entertaining Chan that they forgot you were still standing by the door just watching them explain things to their dad.

Before the story could get any crazier, you decided to let them both know that it was time for bed, and that they needed to sleep so that they could wake up and go to uncle Binnie’s house tomorrow. “Awwww but I wanna stay up with you and daddy!!!” Aris complained while pouting. “Yeah!! You said we could do anything we want today!!” Eli chimed in tune with his sister. “Now, you both know how mommy is when she gets mad, you two. Why don’t you go shower tonight, and we can all ready a book together tonight, hmm?” Chan explained calmly to them. With a loud gasp, Aris said, “Can we read about the warriors who slay the dragon??!!!” “Noooo!!! I want to read about Cinderella,” Eli retorted. It was literally as if Aris was the brother and Eli was the sister from the way they both acted. It was too adorable. Chuckling, Chan obliged to read both stories to them. Running away happily, they took their bags from your hands and got ready to shower and end the day.

When the kids had finished showering, Chan laid in bed with them-both books in his hands. He really was going to read both books, wasn’t he? You just stood at the door watching your children smile while they laid across Chan’s lap. “Mommy?” Eli said interrupting your thoughts. “What is it, baby?” “Can you come lay with us?” Surprised, you stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed, looking at where to join the children and Chan on the bed without actually being near Chan. “Come on, mommyyyy, I want to get the story started!” Eli complained while you stood there-still looking like an idiot. “Mommy, just sleep by daddy!” Aris demanded while making some room by Chan on the bed.

Not wanting to waste any more time, you walked over to the side of the bed and joined Chan under the covers while the kids shifted their way around the two of you. It was awkward, to say the least. You were still struggling on how to sit next to Chan but could only lean back towards the wall behind you. It was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. The four of you sitting in your daughter’s small bed trying to find space just to read a simple bedtime story. “Mommyyy! Can you move, please? I don’t have any space,” Aris complained beside you. “Well mommy doesn’t have any space either, baby. Why don’t you sit on my lap, hmm?” “No, I don’t want to mommy. Why don’t you just lay on daddy’s shoulder like you always do?” The most awkward tension had been brought back by your sassy five-year-old daughter.

So it was true-toddlers were probably worse than teenagers because of their unruly filter. All that time, Chan just sat there laughing and giggling to himself under his breath with Eli. He truly did know how to get under your skin. Especially since you were both still not speaking to each other than about the kids. You shot a glare at Chan while adjusting yourself to compromise with your daughter.

It was hard getting intimate with Chan-even just putting your head on his shoulder. It had been so long since you’d both been intimate-whether it be holding hands or even making love. It just wasn’t there anymore. You missed it, to be honest. It was the hardest thing to admit. You wanted to be independent, show that you were tough, but all you wanted in all honesty was for Chan to hold you. You missed the way he would caress your body, the way he would kiss every inch of your body, make you feel his love through his actions, whisper sweet nothings in your ears, tell you how beautiful you were regardless of anything you thought of yourself. You missed those days. The days when you were both able to enjoy small moments together. “Are you comfortable, babe?” Chan asked, bringing you back to reality. Shocked by his sudden words, you whispered a simple yes without looking at him and you laid your head on his shoulder. “Okay, let’s begin, shall we?” Chan asked the kids as he opened your daughter’s favorite book. “Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms…” that was the last you’d heard while you could keep your eyes open.

The next thing you knew, you were waking up in your bed with Chan’s arms around your waist. He must’ve brought you to the bedroom after he read the books to the kids. Pulling his arms off you, you walked toward the bathroom to get ready for work. It was hard holding a grudge against Chan at times. Times where moments were so sweet and loving like last night. But one moment wouldn’t fix that. One moment can’t fix the lonely nights you cried in bed alone and cold. One moment can’t fix the many times you’d had to tell friends and family that Chan was busy at work while you were at family functions he promised he’d show up to. It had been going on for long enough. You did want to forgive him, but forgiveness had to come with change; that was the only compromise you’d ever needed from Chan. Regardless, you were going to try and make this work once you finished your unfinished project at work. There was too much at stake to lose the deal you were close to closing.

Dropping off the kids at Changbin’s house went smoothly and arriving at work seemed less stressful than previous weeks. Maybe your boss was right taking a day off definitely helped. “What are you doing here, Y/N?” you heard your boss’s voice behind you. “What do you mean what am I doing here? I’m here to work,” you said nonchalantly to your boss as she followed you into your office. “Y/N… when I said take some time off, I didn’t mean only half a day.” “…What do you mean?” you asked. “I meant take a few days off, Y/N. I can’t make my most hardworking employee burn out!” “But the project-I can’t just-” Taking the paperwork out of your hands, your boss quietly said to you, “it’s about time you and your hubby go on vacation, yeah?”

Vacation. That word was so foreign to you. It was so long ago since you’ve been on vacation. “I don’t think vacation’s a great idea since we’re trying to land this deal…” you said while trying to snatch the paperwork back. “Noooo… you do realize that they agreed to the deal, right?” “They did?!” “Yeah, they did. I don’t know how they came to a conclusion to work with us, but here we are.” “Wow… that makes me feel so much easier now,” you said while sitting down. “Good. So that means that I have to kick you out of this building just so you’ll take time off, right?” she asked as she grabbed your purse. “What? No, I need to-” “Ah! No. If you don’t listen to what I have to say, that means I’ll have to fire you just so you’ll stop living here, right?” “I mean…” “No-that’s what I thought. Please, Y/N, you need to leave this place for just a few days, okay?” “Please go home and rest while you can before we have to close another deal, okay?” She rushed you out of the office and blew a kiss before choosing the lobby floor for you in the elevator.

You couldn’t even catch sight of what was happening-just that your boss had given you the next few days off. Sounded good, though, since you needed it and wanted to catch up on a few projects back at home. You texted Changbin’s wife asking if they could keep the kids until the same time so that you could run some errands. With a sweet reply, she said yes.

Pulling into the garage, you saw that Chan’s car was still parked in the garage. Did he not go to work? Either way, you still didn’t want to talk about the situation with Chan. It was like you were both walking on eggshells- not just around the kids, but it you were both struggling to find a middle ground. It’s not like you were trying to make a point by not apologizing… okay maybe it was a bit of pride, but you also felt that Chan should’ve been more helpful as a husband and father.

Opening the door to your house, you saw that there were packed suitcases in the living room. Why were there suitcases? Was Chan leaving you? Was it the nightmare you wished would never happen? It made your stomach drop. No matter how independent you were, in this marriage, it only worked as a codependent relationship. Not only that, but as parents, it would be easier to work together in one home than in two-in most cases. Was Chan falling out of love with you? Was Chan going to leave you alone? Were you really going to be the single mother you’d always felt you’d been for the past few months?

As those thoughts were running through your mind, Chan walked into the room. “Hey, babe… let’s go.” “Go where?” you asked. “We’re gonna miss our flight.” “Our flight? What do you mean? I still have work, and the kids-” “I’ll explain on the way to the airport-” Chan said as he pulled you back into the garage and into his car along with the suitcases. On the car ride to the airport, you couldn’t help but ask so many questions. Where were the kids? Where were you guys going? What happened? Chan answered the questions with simple yet vague answers. It wasn’t helping your frantic mind at all.

Boarding the private jet, you weren’t ready to go anywhere-you were just worried about your babies. You knew you left them with Changbin and his wife, but you didn’t get to say goodbye before leaving to whatever destination Chan had been rushing you to go to. Taking a seat on the jet, you opened your mouth to ask Chan another question, but were hushed with his stern voice saying for you not to worry, and that you needed to get some rest before arriving at the destination. Furious at the vagueness of his answers, you turned toward the window and stared at the sky as the jet took off.

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Author’s note: Here’s part two :) I’m just glad I’ve been having a bit more time to work on this with the few days I get off of work.

Tag list: @crispbang 

[crispychannie]

A Saviour

Bang Chan x Fem Reader

Genre : idek at this point

T/W : self harm

Word count : 2,804

Part 1

———

Part 2

“Y/N!” You heard Chan scream from outside the bathroom door.

You tried to not pay attention to his voice as the blade touched your wrists. Tears rolling down your cheeks and stinging on your wrists. Just one more, just another, but a little deeper, and that’s all you had to do. You had your backup option beside you, a bottle of liquid cyanide. With your back resting to the bathtub you squeezed your eyes shut. A little deeper. A loud thud startled you and you opened your eyes to look at the door.

“Y/N!” He screamed and ran towards you. He climbed in the tub beside you, pushing away the bottle and held your wrists apart, trying to keep away the possibility of you hurting yourself any further.

“Baby what are you doing?” He said as tears rolled down his cheeks.

“No, no, no please don’t do this.” Tears streamed down both his cheeks. A piece of paper in his hand. Why did he come?

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry but please leave, Chan.” You said as tears choked your voice.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m never leaving you and neither are you.” He said as he took the blade and threw it across the bathroom floor.

He pulled you into his arms. His chin resting on your head, your head against his chest, you could hear his heart pounding at full speed.

“There’s no way I’m going to lose you.” He said as tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Baby what’s wrong? Talk it out please.” His voice cracked.

“I can’t do this Chan, I really can’t take it anymore. I don’t have it in me to go any further.”

“Y/N you cannot give up this way.” He said as he rubbed your back.

“What about all the places you wanted to visit? Who’ll go there? What about all the street food you wanted to eat? What about the stuff toys you wanted to buy? What about petting a tiger? What about owning a husky with me? What about all the animals you wanted to pet? What about all the people you wanted to save? Do you really not want to do all that? Do you really just want to give up on these beautiful moments?”

You couldn’t help but cry in his chest.

“Baby there’s so much you have to do, it can be a bad day, a bad week but never a bad life. I’m always here for you, don’t ever feel alone. Even if you think I might be busy with work I’m never busy for you. I won’t hesitate to drop all my work and run to you.”

All you could say was “I’m sorry.” While tears streamed down your face.

“Do not be sorry baby, don’t say sorry. It’s not your fault.” He shushed you as he wiped your tears and rubbed your back.

He got up and got the medical kit from the cabinet and disinfected your fresh wounds.

“I love you, I love you a lot, Y/N” he said as he kissed your wrists. He then proceeded to apply ointment and bandage your wrists and held you in his chest again.

“I’m always, always here for you, never forget that.” He said as he kissed your forehead.

Note : I hope you’ve liked this, REQUESTS ARE OPEN

[crispychannie]

A Saviour

Bang Chan x Fem Reader

Genre : Angst

T/W : Self harm, suicide

Word count : 3,726

Summary : I can’t say anything without spoiling this lmao

Note : If you think you are going through the same situation and feel helpless, please reach out to someone. There is always someone out there who’s willing to help. If not, you can always text me. Please take care of yourselves and this I hope this doesn’t encourage anyone in anyway.

Part 1

Y/N : Channniiiee

Chan : Hey love, what’s up?

Y/N : You know that I love you, right?

Chan : Yes. And I love you too♥️

Y/N : Don’t ever feel alone. Okay?

Chan : Babe, is everything alright?

Y/N : Everything is great! Don’t worry bout it.

Y/N : Oh and also, I’m sorry

Chan : What are you apologising for?

Y/N : I just felt like saying it 👀

*New text message*

Chan : I see👀 Lets have lunch together?

You set your phone on the table beside the 3 pages you were now going to write and switched it off while looking at the notification. You walked out to the main door, and locked it. Walked back into your room, and locked the door. You took a deep breathe and walked towards your writing desk and started writing.

To the love of my life,

~~

*Chan’s P.O.V*

It’s been 15 minutes and Y/N still hadn’t replied to the text I sent her.

30 minutes pass ~

Delivered

“Ahh where is she I’m hungry”

45 minutes later ~

“The number you’ve decided to reach is currently switched off. Please call again later” I heard the lady say. Switched off? Y/N never switches her phone off. I call again 2 minutes later, I hear the same.

A gut feeling told me to check up on her. So I did.

“Hyung, where are you going?” Changbin asked as I grabbed my jacket.

“A little errand I have to run, I’ll be back soon.” I said and I sped to her place. Meanwhile I kept calling her, but, in vain. I reached her apartment and ran up to her floor. 10 minutes of ringing the door bell was of no use. I then decided to call her friend.

“Friend/Name do you know where Y/N’s spare apartment key is?”

“Is everything okay? Isn’t she home?”

“She hasn’t been picking her calls nor opening the door.”

“That’s unlike her, okay umm, there must be a blue flower pot somewhere, do you see it?”

“Yes yes. Underneath it?”

“No. Inside the mud.”

“Inside- I- ohmygosh okay thank you.”

I dug the key out and unlocked the front door.

“Y/N! Babe? Where are you?” The house had a dead silence which I wasn’t used to. I checked in the kitchen, no one. In the balcony, no sign of her.

I walked up to her room and tried to open the door. Locked.

“Babe? What’s wrong? Why is the door locked?” No answer. My heart started racing for some reason. Numerous scenarios popped in my head.

“Babe please open the door.” I said as I knocked a few more times. I had then decided to break the door. I kicked it a few times near the knob and it flung open.

The room was empty. But on her writing desk, I saw her phone, placed above 3 pages which were filled. They caught my eye as they read :

“To the love of my life”

“Dear mum and dad”

“Dear your/bestfriend/name”

I proceeded to read the first one.

“To the love of my life,

First of all, I apologise for this mess. I should’ve never dragged you in all of this, but at the same time, I wish I would’ve met you sooner. You’re everything I could ever wish for and I’m only ever happy when I’m with you. But it shouldn’t be that way. Chan, my love, please don’t blame yourself for anything. It has nothing to do with you. I just couldn’t take it, the pressure, the pain, bad nights. It’s at a point where I cannot take it anymore and I want it to stop. The thoughts in my head, the darkness inside my heart, I want it to stop. Chan, I love you so much, you’re the best person ever, anyone would be lucky to have you. You make my heart flutter in ways I didn’t even know was possible. I just hope you reach your peak of succes soon. Take care of yourself and please sleep on time.

Forever yours,

Y/N

Tears rolled down my cheeks. This cannot be.

“Y/N” I screamed and headed towards the bathroom door. Locked. I started screaming and kicking the door. And the door finally broke.

When I saw her in front of me, I was devastated. A million pieces inside of me broke.

“Y/N!” I screamed and ran towards her.

—

Part 2