#ballet brainrot as always

[jackalopii]

Giselle ballet warmup doodles

[fitzrove]

Man I love POTO a lot !!!!

[astraystayyh]

La déchirure 

You exist to mourn, to ache for what was and all that will never be. Even if happiness brushed against your fingertips, dazzling and radiant, you would not recognize its face, you would distort its features into the terrible grief you’ve always known.

pairing: figure skater!hyunjin x ballerina!reader.

genre: angst. slowwww burn. heavy and recurrent grief. healing.

warnings: mc has a bad relationship with her parents. grief is a prominent theme here so please be aware. some allusions to sex but no smut. description of injuries.

word count: 21.8k

author’s note: heyyyy…. haven’t posted anything in 3 months i feel so shy AJNSJD i say this about every fic but this fic is truly my baby it took me so long to get it done and i poured my heart into it. so please if you enjoyed reading pls pls pls let me know. it means the world and more to me. happyyy reading!!! also thanks to @hyunverse for indulging all my brainrots about this fic i LOVE YOU

Your bare soles are bleeding across the graveyard. You don’t remember when your sandals slipped away from your feet, nor when your body decided to bring you here, heels scratched from the tiny rocks littering the ground.

But the pain doesn’t register in your brain, not yet. You’re only paying attention to the last name written on the tombstone— your last name, to be exact. 

Right now, more than ever, you wished your first name was engraved beside it too. 

You’ve memorized this graveyard like the back of your hand, know what sound the tree branches make during spring— gently swaying, like a melancholic flute, aching because flowers refuse to bloom upon them. And during winter too— even sadder, angrier, perhaps to mimic the sound of the souls left alone in the graves to fend off the cold.

Though you’ve never approached this tombstone before. You always remained a few feet back, each time your parents brought you to your late sister’s grave— every Sunday, for the past eighteen years of your existence, without fault. 

You don’t know the person they’re mourning.

You don’t know the person they wish to mold you after. 

Somehow, in a sick twist of fate, the course of your existence was set in stone before you could draw your first breath into this universe. 

She looks just like her sister, your mom whispered in awe, tears brimming in her waterline as she beheld you close to her bare chest. 

That is what your grandmother recalls about your birth, the rejoice of you being an exact copy of your sister’s features. There was nothing in her, in everyone’s memory about you. Everything orbited around your sister, the way the planets chase after the sun. You were, after all, born to replace the void she left behind. 

You sometimes wonder, is your physique the first setting stone of your pain? Had your hair been lighter, darker than hers, your lips smaller, plumper, would your parents be forced to look at you, behold you for who you are, learn to love you for who you would be? 

The question first popped into your brain at age five— maybe less intricate, a feeling that pressed against your ribcage: your parents don’t love you a lot, do they? You are now eighteen, the question has yet to desert you. 

You’ve always been aware of this reality— there are more pictures of your sister than of you in your house. Your parents always spoke of her, the perfect little girl, whisked away by a terrible sickness, at age seven. 

And she loved ballet. 

So, you had to love ballet too.

You weren’t given a choice, per se. At age four, you were thrust into a ballet class with little oblivious girls; just like you. Flushed cheeks and glossy eyes as you all tried to follow the teacher’s instruction. It wasn’t easy, it never got easier, year after year, only more challenging, only harder on your body.

Bigger bruises, sprained ankles from time to time, you’ve lost count of the injuries this art has inflicted upon your body. But thankfully, you ended up loving it too. You loved how graceful it made you feel, how the music seemed to whisk you away to an enchanting world, how the applause roared each time you came first in a competition, all eyes on you alone. 

Or so you hoped, you prayed. You wished to dance better, harder until all your parents could see was you. Not the daughter that came before you.

It was hard to admit at times, certainly something you never said out loud. But surely, yes, you were jealous of your deceased sister.

How could you not be when it seemed like you were competing with a ghost, someone whose absence weighed more than your presence?

Snippets of your life flash before your eyes as you stare at her grave. Pirouette, arabesque, plié, tendu— those are words engraved within your mind, ones you breathe in more than oxygen. You hear them in the voice of your ballet instructor, Jihyo. She’s a woman in her forties, though she looks older from the harsh lines framing her face. 

Her voice is high-pitched, her hair always tied back in a sleek bun you’re sure pains her brain, her words are harsh each time she corrects your posture.

And she’s the only person who believes in you.

She’s not nice, she has made you cry more times than you can count. So, you knew when she leveled her eyes to yours when you were nine, when she told you, “I see something magical in you”— that she was telling the truth. 

You wanted to prove her right, because for once, someone saw something in you, not in a ghost, not in ground-up bones.

In you.

You feel an uncontained anger swell within you, waves of relentless hurt swarming you as you fall to your knees.

You worked hard. You worked so hard. Between classes and ballet practice, the days strung you by like a puppet and sometimes you didn’t have enough time to breathe. 

Your entire life revolved around ballet. spin, point well, adjust your posture, you can’t stop now. Suddenly it’s two a.m. and you only get four hours of sleep before your classes begin. You didn’t have time to socialize with your peers, to have a crush on the sweet guy in your maths class, to giggle at an arcade with your friends. Soon after you were in your ballet class, even more spins, points, arabesque. 

But all of your exhaustion dissipated today. All of it seemed okay, for the first time in your existence, perhaps, the breath that escaped your chest wasn’t heavy. It was light, it was airy, it was one that yearned for the next, for the days that will follow, tinted with happiness, for once.

“I got into Julliard” 

That is what you told your parents an hour ago, voice brimming with uncontainable happiness, tears dripping down your eyes in an uncontrollable flow. 

Your mother’s eyes became teary in an instant. You thought the past was past you now. You’ll forgive eighteen years of coming second in your mother’s heart. Surely, she will only see you now.

But then her eyes set on the portrait of your sister on the wall, her tone desolate when she whispered—“she would have loved Julliard too.”

You don’t remember what happened after that. What curse escaped your mouth from the years of barely contained bitterness, when everything lashed out like venomous poison on your parents. 

You remember screaming, lots of it, something breaking too, you don’t recall if it is you who threw the vase or your father. The latter seemed more plausible— he was always bound to these sudden bouts of anger. Effects of grief, consequences of your sister’s absence. Her, yet again, poisoning your life. 

You remember feeling like a stranger in your home, a nobody, someone they’d kill in an instant to bring her back.

It was no longer a feeling, though. It was a fact. Your father cemented it loud and clear for you— “I wish she never died so you would’ve never been born.”

A pin-drop silence followed. Your father was always bound to bouts of anger, you knew that. He always regretted it afterward too, just like he felt in that instant, scrambling to apologize, to cup your cheek and say he didn’t mean it.

For how long has this thought festered in his brain, taken root in his veins, and flashed before his eyes each time he looked at you?

For how long did your parents wish you were dead instead? 

You don’t remember how you got to the graveyard. You don’t recall when it started pouring heavily on you. You only register the rain because the earth is wet as you clench it between your fists, as you punch the ground under which your sister is buried. 

You are crying, sobbing, a hysterical mess, you don’t know what you’re yelling, who you’re calling out for, what you’re trying to achieve by punching her grave. 

Unearthing her body and burying yours there instead, perhaps.

“What are you doing?” a stranger’s voice startles you, cutting through the fog in your mind like a thunderbolt. 

You don’t reply, simply turning around to look at the man standing a mere inches away from you.

“Do you know her or are you just desecrating her grave?” he asks calmly, as he brings a pink umbrella over your head. You realize that you’re drenched from head to toe, your feeble pajama does nothing to fight off the cold filtering between the fabric and your skin. 

You are freezing. You fear there is no place warm enough for your soul, not anymore.

“She’s my late sister,” you say, voice raw, scratched like a broken record. 

“She died young,” he says, looking at the dates engraved on the tombstone. 

You feel so horrible, for a millisecond. 

She was only seven. 

Her grave is too small compared to your body. 

But the anger quickly comes back to blind you. You invite it into your heart, push away the sadness and welcome the rage instead. It is the only thing comforting you in that instant.

“Did she do something to you?” he asks, his voice contrasting nicely against the heavy shatter of rain. It reminds you of the intro of your ballet music, soothing. 

“No,” you admit, a bit shamefully. But all sense of guilt dissipates at his next question— “then wouldn’t she be sad seeing you do this?” 

“What about MY sadness? MY anger?” you shout, lips trembling like the branches above your head. the storm picks up with your rising voice, the rain’s pitter-patter mimics the chaos inside your brain.

He remains silent and you can barely grasp the expression on his face, concealed by the umbrella’s shadows. You imagine that this conversation must have bored him, so you turn around yet again, your heart pounding angrily against your skin. 

But then, he kneels beside you, his umbrella completely discarded. You don’t dare to tilt your face towards him, so you simply stare ahead, your breath caught in your throat— what is he thinking of your most vulnerable state?

“I am rage,” he says, his voice permeating your being softly, the storm seems to calm down too to follow the ebb of his voice. “It means I am alive, or better, I am life, according to Armand, a modern art painter. You are alive today, and you get to be angry. That’s not something anyone here can enjoy,” he points out, taking a fleeting glance at the graves surrounding you. 

“You get to do something with that anger. But this, this won’t cure it.” 

He’s young, roughly your age it seems, but he speaks as if he beholds a wisdom beyond his years. You wonder what he went through to understand rage doesn’t fix anything. You wonder if he has ever been this angry, too. 

Did he move past it? Or did he drown the anger deep within the wells of his soul so he wouldn’t confront its ugly face? 

The question roams in your head as you watch him place a bouquet of red lilies atop the grave. You didn’t even notice the flowers at first, your view was too distorted by tears to grasp anything beautiful. 

“You’ll catch a cold,” the guy points out, smiling at you, or at least attempting to since the grin doesn’t reach his eyes. His words come out slower, as if weighed down by a sadness only he can feel. 

He is in a graveyard after all, the flowers were meant for someone else than you. 

“Wait here,” he says, quickly getting up and jogging out of the graveyard. 

What a silly request, you think, it’s not like you would dare move. Your feet are aching and you have nowhere else to go. 

He returns a few minutes later, a hoodie in his hands that he promptly pulls over your head. The warm fabric engulfs you in a cloud of roses and musk. “I tried to warm it up with the car’s heating,” he says sheepishly, and you blink slowly at his kindness, a pink tint blooming across your cheeks. 

“Thank you.” 

His eyes fleet to your bare, bleeding feet, and you fidget in place, trapped by a bout of embarrassment. 

“I have spare shoes in my car. Do you want me to drive you home?” His voice is gentle, as if speaking to a wounded animal, too bruised by the hands of humans. Tears spring to your eyes once more, you wish the earth could crack open and swallow you whole. 

“I don’t want to burden you.” 

“You won’t,” he says, and as if sensing your hesitation, he adds, “I promise. Leaving you here is what would burden me.”

You are very tired as he drives you to your place. You speak once when you ask him if he wasn’t there to visit someone, he says that it’s okay, he can come back tomorrow. 

You only dare look at him at the last red light before you arrive at your address. He’s beautiful, black strands sticking to his forehead, a tiny pout pulling his rosy lips forward. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, contrasting beautifully with the mole on his cheek. Then, by his jaw. Another at the beginning of his neck. You wonder if he has a map of ebony stars trailing down his chest.

You don’t know why this stranger instills such safety in you. Why would you rather stay in his car than set foot into your house once more. You dread what will await you behind those doors, you don’t think your heart could handle another tear at its tender flesh. 

You don’t think you could handle looking at your parents and only seeing strangers. 

But you know this safety has something to do with the way he placed the lilies atop the grave; as if it beheld someone dear to his heart and not a stranger. How he made sure you got home safely, how he didn’t seem to care that you dirtied his front seat and the carpet below your feet. 

He looks like a good person. 

You wish to tell your good news to a good person. 

“I got into Julliard,” you quickly let out as soon as he parks. You don’t allow yourself time to regret your confession. 

A breathtaking smile overtakes his face, the thunderstorm outside pales before the sun shining in his features. 

“Really?” he asks cheerfully, and you nod, a tiny smile painting across your lips. “Mm. Really.��

“That’s amazing!” his grin further widens, his eyes disappearing into two lovely moon crescents. “I know I’m just a stranger but, I'm proud of you,” his voice softens, “I mean it. I hope you’re proud of yourself too.” 

It takes you a few seconds to answer, you wish to bask further in the sound of his voice, to store his words into your memory, to revisit his kindness on nights that are too cold. 

This was all you’ve ever wanted to hear. 

“Thank you,” you smile softly. A moment of silence passes, you find yourself missing this stranger before you even leave his car. You wish to carry a piece of his memory within you, a souvenir of who he is— “I'm Yn, by the way.” 

“Yn,” he repeats, his voice tender. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Hyunjin.” 

Four years later.

“You need to work on your landing more, but the rest is good.”

“Thanks, coach.” Hyunjin gives Jihyoun, his lifelong mentor, a thumbs-up as he loosens the laces of his ice skates. A dull ache is throbbing through his legs, like the faint buzz of bees circling roses. 

His body is weary, every muscle reminding him of the sheer effort he’s poured into perfecting his routine for the upcoming figure skating competition— the most important one of his life, by far.

“Are you leaving now?” Jihyoun’s voice pierces the delicate silence and Hyunjin nods, resting his head against the cold concrete wall. “Just gonna take a breather.”

“I’ll head out then,” Jihyoun says, patting his back gently, “make sure you get some rest.”

Hyunjin waits till his coach is far out the corridor to release a relieved breath. A familiar silence wraps around the ice rink like a comforting cloak, the stillness sits beside Hyunjin like an old friend. It is here, amid the soft hum of machines and the chill of the rink that Hyunjin feels most like himself. 

A few minutes trickle by, slow and silent. An uncomfortable feeling nudges at Hyunjin’s rib as he remains as still as a statue; he knows he’s on a losing bet to make time stretch forth, hoping that the sun outside will pause in its descent— a few more moments before the darkness completely sets in Seoul. Because the night will surely string along with it the next day, and the next day is one Hyunjin isn’t ready to face. 

When does he ever? 

But the sun always sets and rises once more, even if you dont wish for it to. 

With a sigh, Hyunjin grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder. He makes his way to the vending machine upstairs, in the dimly lit corner near the dance studio. He drops a few coins into the slot, punching the number for his usual drink. But it gets stuck—of course. 

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, pressing his forehead against the cold glass before frustratedly kicking the machine.

“I am rage,” a voice suddenly teases from behind.

Hyunjin is quick to distance himself from the machine, startled, and admittedly, very embarrassed. His shame morphs to surprise when he sees you standing there. 

Your lips curve into a gentle smile, and your eyes sparkle with quiet amusement— that light, however, dims slightly when he doesn’t immediately respond.

It takes all of Hyunjin’s will to act like he doesn’t recognize you.

“You get to do something with your anger, but this won’t cure it.” You quote, your voice softer now. “You know, you told me this, near the graveyard…” You point vaguely behind you, each word growing quieter as if you’re no longer sure if that scene was real or a figment of your imagination.

Hyunjin nods in recognition, and you relax, the tension lifting from your shoulders.

“Miss Julliard,” he murmurs, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. Your grin brightens at his words and Hyunjin notices faint smile lines tracing your lips and eyes. It seems as if you’ve laughed quite often for the past four years. The thought brings him a strange sense of comfort.

“What did the vending machine do to deserve this?” you ask, tilting your head with playful curiosity.

“Stole my money,” Hyunjin mutters.

“You’ve got to hit the side when that happens.” You show him, tapping the machine with an experienced hand. His drink clatters down, and he shoots you a thankful grin as he bends to retrieve it.

In those brief seconds, with his head bowed, Hyunjin begs his heart to slow its frantic beating. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask once he stands.

“I’m an ice skater,” he says, and your eyes widen with genuine surprise.

“Really? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah… I guess it is. Are you back from Julliard?” His voice is softer now, more tentative, reminiscent of the day you met. 

“For a little while. Just a few months. This studio—” you glance around, “—it’s where I used to train before I went away.”

“I see,” Hyunjin nods, “I train upstairs, in the ice rink. Because I’m an ice skater,” he repeats, before closing his eyes in embarrassment as your giggles spill forth. No shit Hyunjin.

“I’ll see you around then,” he quickly mutters, eager to end the conversation, before turning around and hurrying away. 

He’s almost by the stairs when your voice calls out his name, urgent, pressing.

“Hyunjin!”

His body freezes before his mind orders it to—he’s not the only one who remembers, then. 

“Did you eat dinner?” you shout, a little out of breath.

“No,” he admits.

“There’s a place nearby that makes the best kimchi stew. Want to go?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“It’s my treat.” Your smile has slightly dimmed, and you’re unconsciously scratching the skin by your nails. Even from afar, Hyunjin can discern a shadow looming in your eyes, a plea unspoken. 

“Are you lonely?” Hyunjin’s question comes out before he can stop it, blunt and raw. He’s always been honest, maybe too honest for his own good. Time has taught him that every moment matters, that each second slips away faster than you expect, and that it’s better to speak the truth before it comes back to poison you. 

Your smile falters. “I just… don’t want to go home. not yet,” you confess quietly.

“So you’re using me?” he teases, leaning back against the wall with a smirk. You roll your eyes, muttering “Never mind” under your breath as you start to turn away.

“Fine,” he sighs, pushing off the wall. “But I’m craving sushi.”

…

Hyunjin’s eyes are more worn than the last time you’ve seen him. 

Four years ago, they were puffy, soft with exhaustion, their brown dulled like the last flower clinging to life as fall sets in. But now, the lights have gone out completely, like a bloom crushed underfoot, its color bleeding into the cracks of the pavement.

You steal glances at him between spoonfuls of kimchi jjigae (he silently followed you to your restaurant), watching for any sign of recognition. But he doesn’t seem to remember your name, nor the day at the graveyard as much as you do.

The thought strips you of embarrassment and clothes you in sadness instead.  

Hyunjin has written your name into his diary more times than he’d care to admit, even less so to you. 

He has always walked this earth alone, a stranger even to his own emotions, especially his grief— no one understood how his mother’s death consumed him whole.  

It is true that only one body was laid to the ground many years ago. But Hyunjin’s soul followed hers into the ground when he was just fourteen. 

His sadness made sense to his teachers, his classmates, and even the distant relatives who only came around occasionally. But no one grasped the depth of his anger—at the universe for taking his mother when he was still a child, at the illness that wore down her bones, at himself, mostly, for still breathing when she no longer could.

That rage had devoured him, tore through his flesh with its canine teeth. He only saw its reflection once—when he met you.

Hyunjin didn’t know who or what you were mourning that day at the graveyard. But he remembers your screams on his way to his mother’s grave, raw and stripped down to the marrow. It was as if he had stumbled upon his younger self, begging his mother to dig through the earth and hug his frail body once more, just once more. 

“How long have you been skating ?” you ask suddenly, your gaze flickering over his face. He blinks slowly, as if to bring his consciousness back to the present moment. 

“Since i was a kid, nearly two decades now,” he says. 

“Do you like it?” it is a harmless question, a natural succession of the one that came before it. But nothing was ever that simple with Hyunjin, because ice skating reminded him of his mother, and his mother was the wound that had yet to stop bleeding. 

“I do, I really do,” he speaks softly, a fragile smile curling his lips. He waits till you both finish the first bottle of soju to ask— how have you been? and it’s your turn to frown slightly. He notices the tightening of your fist around the spoon, the subtle tremor in your hand. You, too, carry an ever bleeding wound.

“I’m okay.”

The next question slips from him without thought, “are you still as angry?”

You remain silent for a few seconds, holding his gaze as the question settles between you. His cheeks flush, and he almost apologizes for his bluntness, but then you speak.

“Was I ever angry? I think I was just very sad.” 

Snippets of a younger Hyunjin flash through his mind. The numerous brawls he got in with his classmates, the way he pushed away anyone who tried to show him kindness— He was all thorns, keeping others from reaching the tender petals beneath.

Tears spring in his eyes, unbidden, and he bites his lower lip. He understands what you mean perfectly, you understand what he feels perfectly too. 

“I feel as if my heart is too tired now to bear such big anger,” you say with a smile. “Have you worn out yet? That’s what I’d like to ask.” 

“Aren’t you afraid of the answer?” he pauses, adding in a quiet whisper, “I am.” 

The chandelier above dances across his glossy eyes. You’ve never been optimistic—life hasn’t allowed you that luxury. But a small part of you wants to offer Hyunjin hope, to breathe life back into his weary heart, even though you no longer believe in hope yourself.

But no words of reassurance come. So instead, you offer something much simpler, much more realistic. “Let’s ask it another time, then,” you smile, pouring each other a new round of drinks. You quickly down three shots before laying your head on the table. 

“Are you sleeping?” Hyunjin asks with a quiet laugh, the sound light, like a melody played softly on piano keys.

“It’s fine,” you wave a hand in the air. “The owner knows me. He’ll wake me when it’s time to close.”

Both of you are running from home, or what’s left of it. Hyunjin watches you, your face softened by fleeting peace, so different from the grief he’s etched into his memories.

Far more beautiful, too.

“Then wake me up, too,” he sighs, resting his head beside yours.

His eyelids close instantly, lulled to a nice sleep by the buzz of the fridge and the soft hum of your breathing.

Many minutes pass by— quiet and uninterrupted. Hyunjin finds that the next day has come much slower in your company. 

…

The first time you saw Hyunjin figure skating, you were drawn like a moth to a flame to the music echoing from the ice rink.

You recognized the swelling violin of Can You Hear the Music, and paused by the entrance, torn between stepping in and turning back. What if it wasn’t Hyunjin? Worse, what if it was, and he didn’t wish to see you?

Still, your feet betrayed your hesitation, inching forward. You stood at the door, watching in quiet awe as Hyunjin leaped into the air, spinning with perfect grace. He landed effortlessly on one foot, the other extended behind him in a flawless arc.

The lights danced over his body, his flowing white blouse trailing his movements like a siren’s voice pulling in sailors. His black hair floated weightlessly with each spin, strands resting delicately against his forehead.

For the past four years, you had struggled to feel human. The world tasted bland, as if your heart had lost its ability to savor anything. You were afraid you’d lost the capacity to be amazed—by sunsets, by poignant art that once moved you to tears. So you chased after beauty, desperate for the feelings it could still stir in you, a fragile reminder of your humanity.

But watching Hyunjin skate— that gripped your heart more than anything else had in years.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” a voice startles you and you turn quickly, caught off guard by a man standing beside you, a bottle of water in hand and a kind smile on his face.

“Yes, he is,” you reply quietly.

“I’m Jihyoun, Hyunjin’s coach,” he introduced himself, extending a firm hand.

“Yn,” you hesitated, glancing at Hyunjin, who was still absorbed in his performance. “An acquaintance.”

Jihyoun nodded, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. You followed suit, unable to tear your gaze away from Hyunjin as he spun, cradling his chest as if holding a memory close, his body lowering toward the ground in a quiet ache. It was a pain you knew all too well.

As the music softened, Hyunjin stilled, closing his eyes, taking a moment to catch his breath. You were about to slip away, retreating like a shadow escaping the light, but Jihyoun would have found you weird, perhaps he’d think you were a stalker. So, you remained there. 

“Hey, coach,” Hyunjin waved, skating toward you both. Anxiety flickered in your chest like a match that refused to light up—you regretted coming now. You had shared a meal just days ago, but Hyunjin hadn’t asked for your name, nor did he seem to remember it. Maybe you held onto his memory more warmly than he held onto yours.

“Miss Julliard,” Hyunjin greeted with a soft smile as his eyes landed on you, and just like that, your worries dissolved like sugar in hot tea.

“Julliard? That’s impressive,” Jihyoun whistled, but you shook your head. You often forgot how prestigious your school was—perhaps because no one ever celebrated your acceptance in it.

No one, except Hyunjin.

“Have you eaten?” Hyunjin asked, gliding to the edge of the rink, his blouse clinging to his sweat-soaked skin.

“No,” you shook your head. He nodded nonchalantly.

“I’m craving kimchi jiggae again,” he tipped his chin towards you, “we can go again, if you’d like.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you grinned.

“Okay. Wait for me.”

… 

Hyunjin’s routine has always been quite simple. 

He’d work out in the morning, the rest of his day lost in practice, his nights reserved for painting or reading, sometimes pouring his thoughts onto paper. It was a life untouched by turbulence, a pattern he rarely swayed from— until you wove yourself into it.

For the past two weeks, you always came to see Hyunjin at the end of his practice. Some nights you’d go eat dinner at your usual spot; sometimes you’d simply buy a drink and find a quiet refuge on the rooftop, watching the city lights twinkle beneath the stars.

There was a strange sense of comfort, he had found, in two bruised souls sitting with one another— an unspoken understanding of what your tongues had often failed to express.

But you hadn’t come to see him in two days.

It’s past one a.m. when Hyunjin finally exits the practice building. He pauses outside, turning back to see that the lights are still on in the dance studio. 

He hopes it is you dancing there. 

With a faint sigh, he takes the stairs two at a time, not wanting to dwell on the fact that, for the very first time in a while, Hyunjin, the ever lonely man, is seeking someone else’s presence. 

When Hyunjin pushes open the studio door, he finds you sitting on the floor, knees tucked to your chest. Your tutu encircles you the way petals would hug a stem— layers of soft tulle in pale pink, contrasting delicately against your sheer tights and pointe shoes.

You appear just like the water lily he sketched only yesterday—soft pastels and an unmatched delicateness. His cheeks flush at the comparison, and, in a hurried attempt to leave, he fumbles, catching his shirt on the doorknob and bumping into the door. 

He’s frozen in place, wincing when you call out his name in surprise. Does he have to embarrass himself each time he’s around you? 

He turns slowly, a sheepish smile creeping onto his face. “Miss Julliard,” he waves, and you grin in return, your eyes warm, “What are you doing here?”

The words are lost on him as you run over to him, stopping mere inches away from his figure. His fingers twitch for his sketchbook, a sudden urge seizes him to draw you.

“You didn’t come by yesterday so I came to see you,” he explains, voice soft like a summer breeze. 

Your grin brightens like the sun. “Ah, did you miss me?” you tease, and he rolls his eyes playfully, walking past you to sit on the floor. 

Did he miss you? no he didn’t, but his heart did ache, just a little, at your absence.

“Why did you look so defeated sitting on the ground?” he asks instead of replying, leaning against the mirrored wall.

You sigh, taking your place across from him, “practicing this dance is so hard, I got sick of it.” 

He nods, understanding the frustration that stems from being a perfectionist, always chasing ideals in your work.

“You know what helps me? Performing to a song I love. Reminds me what I love about the sport.”

You hum, before a mischievous glint sparks in your eyes. “There is this one song.. From a barbie movie.”

He blinks in surprise, laughing as you dash for your phone.

“Barbie?”

“Yes! The 12 dancing princesses. My mom made me watch it to convince me to take up ballet.” 

“Is that so?” he grins, placing his chin atop his palm. 

“Yeah, she wanted me to follow my sister’s footsteps,” you say, and he thinks back to the small grave you were both kneeling next to. “I wonder if I wouldn’t have become a ballerina if I didn’t watch it,” you muse, before clearing your throat.

“Anyways,” you force a smile on your face, as a whimsical melody streams through the loud speakers. Your grin turns childlike as you stand onto pointe, your raised foot grazing the knee of your supporting leg. 

You glide across the floor as if you are floating, your tutu catching the soft glow of the studio light. Your leaps are as light as air, and you slide to Hyunjin grabbing his hand to pull him up, drawing him into your orbit. 

You laugh, spinning around him, your movements fluid and free, yet your arms frame your figure with a rehearsed prouesse. He can’t help but laugh with you, the warmth of your presence filling the room, the music wrapping around you both like a spell. 

You’re a blur of pink and light, you appear like an angel dancing to the tune of childhood memories.

As the song reaches its end, you twirl one last time before bowing gracefully. Hyunjin claps, the sound echoing in the quiet studio.

“I haven’t danced to that in years,” you say, catching your breath. “I probably looked ridiculous.”

He shakes his head, his voice steady and sincere. “I think ballet would’ve found you anyway. It’s like you were born for it.”

Hyunjin is used to the cold bite of the ice rink, that is where he feels most like himself. But he is somehow drawn to the warmth of this particular studio—no, not just the studio. It’s the warmth you bring, the way your smile lights up the space at his words, that makes him feel, for the first time in a long while, that he could have a friend. That he doesn’t need to walk down the path of life alone.

…

You’re lingering at the doorstep of your home, keys gripped like a lifeline in your trembling fingers. It always takes you three heartbeats to open the door—one to shut your eyes, two to fill your lungs with air, and three to prepare for the tidal wave of hurt waiting on the other side.

You push the door open and slip inside, peeling off your shoes like a shadow trying to leave no trace. With each step, the house pulls you in, a black hole swallowing the warmth that once flickered in your veins, devouring any trace of light.

Dinner with Hyunjin still burns faintly in your chest, like the lingering heat of a fireplace after the flames have died. He makes you laugh a lot, because he’s clumsy, and a peculiar fan of weird debates. You had just spent an hour discussing whether humans have two buttcheeks or simply one.

But you wither down inside this home, your joy punctured like a balloon drifting too close to the sun.

The walls have permeated your sadness, they echo the killing sentence your father cast into your heart four years ago, a wound that festers no matter how much time has passed.

Hyunjin asked you a few days ago why you were back to Seoul. You told him you were competing in the Seoul International Ballet Competition, and he said that he was preparing for the Olympics selection. He then laughed, saying how strange it was that after a month of seeing each other every day, it was only now that you’d shared this. 

You tried to laugh with him, but the sound felt like a stone sinking in your throat. Guilt gnawed at you, not because it was a lie, but because it wasn’t the whole truth. The ballet may have brought you back, but something else called you home. 

At times you wonder if you had made the right call by answering it.

“You’re home,” your mother’s voice cuts through the quiet as you enter the kitchen. You nod, humming absentmindedly. 

“I made pasta, it’s in the oven. And I bought that drink you like,” she says, but her words are too sweet, too forced—like the artificial flavor of apple in fizzy drinks. 

“Thanks,” you whisper, barely loud enough to carry the word across to her.

“I’ll grab it for you,” she says, moving toward the fridge. But when she opens it, her hands falter, hovering over empty shelves. “That’s strange… I could’ve sworn I put it here.” You grip the counter tighter as she flits from cabinet to cabinet, her search growing frantic. 

“It’s fine, I’m not thirsty,” you murmur, but she continues, finally pulling open the dishwasher.

“Ah, silly me,” she says softly, retrieving the can with trembling hands. You keep your eyes low, unwilling to meet hers. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice as fragile as a cracked vase, “I forget so much these days.” 

And just like that, she slips out of the kitchen, leaving behind a gaping hole in your chest that threatens to swallow you whole.  

You hate it when she forgets in front of you, because it shatters the illusion. You see her now, as something frail, crumbling under the weight of time. Her mind, like a worn-out book, is losing pages faster than you can salvage them.

And the cruelest part is that it forces you to forgive her—to hold her in the softness of your heart, knowing that one day she’ll forget who you are entirely.

But has she ever known who you were to begin with? Has she ever dared to ask? 

Has she ever cared to? 

… 

The first time Hyunjin spoke about his mother, you were both lying on the grass underneath a starry night.

You had been rambling about a specific bagel from New York that you missed, while he hummed absentmindedly, his thoughts entangled in memories like marionettes tugged by invisible strings from the past.

He hadn’t meant to ignore you; so when you turned to him, playful mischief dancing on your lips—“Are you listening to me?”—he could only offer a sheepish grin in response. 

“What’s on your mind?” you asked, and he bit his lip, worry knitting his brow. 

Hyunjin had never had anyone to speak to about his mother; her memory resided in the pages of his diary, the strokes of his paintings, the rhythm of his dances—never out loud, never to another soul.

But he suddenly felt an insatiable urge to speak of her; thorns pricking his throat, his skin growing feverish as he fought to form the words he longed to speak. 

“What’s wrong?” you pressed, your tone shifting to one of concern. He thought you wouldn’t mind if he shared her memory, but what he would even say? There was so much to talk about, so much he admired, so much he missed.

“My mom…” he started, his voice tentative. He had your full attention now, he could tell by the way you fully turned around to look at him. “She used to make the best kimchi stew,” he confessed, closing his eyes in slight embarrassment. Is this really what he decided to speak about? 

Still, he pushed through. “She made it for me whenever I was sick. I don’t attach it to bad memories because it was delicious, and I could feel that she made it out of love, out of concern.” He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “I hadn’t eaten it at all since she passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to. Until you took me to that restaurant.”

His eyes glistened as they settled on you, “So thank you for taking me there. I think you would have liked her kimchi stew.”

Your eyes widened slightly, dewdrops brimming in your waterline before you smiled softly. “I’m sure I would’ve.” 

He cleared his throat, somehow emboldened by the tenderness of your gaze. He thought that her memory would be safe within the confines of your mind. He thought that he wouldn’t mind sharing her with you. “She was the best figure skater I’ve ever seen.”

“Was she? Is she the one who inspired you to become an ice skater?” you asked, curiosity lighting up your expression. He nodded eagerly. “Yes, she was graceful with her moves; it felt as if she floated atop the ice. The media dubbed her the best figure skater of her generation,” he spoke, pride swelling within him as he noticed the admiration in your expression.

“It was always just her and me, so I’d stay late into the night watching her practice. That was my favorite pastime. She’d always buy me the food I wanted afterward, as a thank you.”

“She sounds like a good mother,” you said, and your words morphed into fingers pressing on his tender bruises. 

“She was. She is.” 

“Tell me more,” you smiled, and so he talked, and talked and talked. He shared everything he could recall: their weekly picnics beneath cherry trees, birthday candles they’d blow out together, the medals she dedicated to him, and her silly jokes that had once filled their home with laughter. 

He spoke of her kindness, her joy that lingered even until her last breath, the love that she beheld for this life and her art, and him. He didn’t mention her illness; it was a mere passing moment, never defining her, never stripping her from the passion that bound her atoms together. 

When he finished, he found his cheeks damp with tears, but his heart felt lighter than it had in years. The air around you was sweeter, for once, it wasn’t fourteen-year-old Hyunjin weeping over the memory of his mother. The ache had softened.

His last words hung in the air, echoing softly in the stillness of the empty park. You didn’t speak; instead, you gently placed your palm atop his. 

It is his very soul that twitched at your touch. 

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly, a foolish question, perhaps. 

Your reply was even more obvious, simpler.

“Comforting you.”

“I…” he hesitated, eyes darting furiously over your face, then your hand resting upon his, then your eyes once more, watching him patiently, leaving him the space to retract his hand or intertwine your fingers with his. 

“I’m scared,” he finally admitted, the shadows of his fears looming large. It terrified him even more to utter such words, yet he knew you wouldn’t use them against him; you understood what it felt like to be deprived of comfort— somehow that only saddened him even more.

“What if… What if I forget the coldness of her fingers wrapped around mine?” 

“Your mom loved you, Hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hand to feel warm.” 

Something shifted within his heart, atoms rearranging themselves to spell out a simple truth for Hyunjin— your mom would want you to be happy. 

He nodded, willing his fingers to slip in the empty spaces between your fingers. You squeezed his hand—once, twice, thrice—each pulse a silent invitation for your warmth to seep through his veins, to permeate his bones and sink into his heart. 

He could get used to this, he thought. He wants to get used to your warmth, he realizes.

What does that mean? 

…

Hyunjin has always known who he was, memorized to heart the architecture of his personality. 

He knew he loved art, that he found solace in learning about artists past who, like him, seemed to have sculpted their solitude into something lasting.

He knew he loved painting, he knew he hated egg plants, he knew he’d rather die than not achieve his mother’s dream, for him. 

But something within him was shifting—unraveling. 

His eyes are drawn to the entrance of the ice rink, like a compass needle to true north. His neck craned almost instinctively as the clock looms over 11 p.m.— the time you usually come by to the studio. 

“Don’t worry, she’ll drop by,” Jihyon’s voice cut through his trance. Hyunjin startled, his cheeks blooming with the soft pink of a rising dawn.

“What are you talking about?” he mumbled, but Jihyon only grinned knowingly. 

“Miss Julliard,” his coach teased. Was he that obvious? Did you notice it too? 

That nickname clung to you both since the first time he uttered it near the vending machine. You never corrected him, never offered your real name, and he never asked—though he knew it well. He had thought of you often over these past four years, wondered if you had been well, wondered if you had ever moved on or if you still carried the anger, the heartbreak as if it were your own spine.

He felt guilty that he had found comfort in your pain all these nights past. 

Did that make Hyunjin selfish? Or lonely? 

“Don’t stay up too late,” Jihyon said as he waved goodbye.

“Don’t worry about me.” 

Jihyon lingered by the door, as if wishing to say something else, but he simply sighed before leaving.

It feels odd now for Hyunjin to stand in the stillness of the ice rink, feeling like a hollow shell without you. The quiet is no longer familiar, nor comforting, not when he’s grown accustomed to your giggles spilling all over the place. 

What does it mean, he wondered, when the heart learns to beat to the rhythm of someone else’s presence? When the mind begins to archive every detail, every smile, everything that the other person has ever loved?

Like clockwork you jog into the studio, waving at Hyunjin from afar. He skates over to you, leaning against the railing as he smiles, it is natural for him to smile at you.

“How was practice?” you asked, and he shot you a thumbs-up, his fingers drumming against the railing.

“Isn’t your competition next week?” you ask and he nods, “Can I come watch then?” you say and his heart stutters at your request.

“You can, if you want to, if you don’t it’s okay too, you actually don’t have to,” he mumbles, his words rushing out, until you pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him 

“I’ll be there, I have to make sure everyone cheers for you when you win,” you grin, self-assuredly, as if you have never doubted that he’ll qualify for the Olympics. 

His heart grows limp at your words, his limbs losing their strength as your finger lingers upon his lips. He gently grabs your hand, moving it away, goosebumps rippling across his skin at how soft your wrist feels.

This isn’t normal. 

“Should I bring pom poms? Actually, should I make them from scratch? What’s your favorite color?” 

“Will you actually come?” he whispers. Hyunjin has never had anyone cheering for him in his competitions, except for his coach, but he was obligated to do so, in a way. He doesn’t remember what it feels like to smile at someone in the stands anticipating your win. 

Somewhat, you sense the gravity of hyunjin’s question, the vulnerability it entails, one he doesn’t try to hide. He has never attempted to hide his emotions from you, now that he thinks about it.

“Of course I will,” your voice softens, your playfulness melting away. “I promise. I…” you point your pinky to him and he chuckles quietly, “I pinky promise.” 

You kiss your thumb pad and signal for him to do the same, he shakes his head before following your lead, pressing both your thumb pads together. 

“There, sealed forever.” 

You quiet down, before giggling for a reason that eludes you both. 

“Have you ever tried ice skating?” he suddenly asks and you nod, “I know how to skate, but not how to do all those fancy spins of yours.” 

“Do you want to try?” he smiles and you lighten up, “Actually? What if I fall?” 

“I’ll be there to catch you.”

A few moments later, you were both on the ice, Hyunjin spinning around you as you found your balance. “This feels so different from ballet,” you chuckle and he grins, “do you like it?”

“Yeah, i do.”

“Come here,” he beckons, reaching for your hand, and you don’t hesitate, your fingers intertwining with his as he leads you across the rink. 

Can you hear the music starts playing on the loud speakers and Hyunjin laughs, turning around to look at you.

“I’m scared,” you giggle happily and he shakes his head, “Let go of your fears and hold on to me.”

And then, without warning, he spins you, the motion sending your hair flying around you like wings unfurling in the wind. he’s spurred by the emotions this song alone can bestow on him. Can you hear the music?, it asks. Yes, he can, now more than ever, is his answer.

He wraps a secured arm around your waist, lifting you off the ground as he traces wide circles on the ice. Your laughter can be heard over the music, shouts of exhilaration ripping through you as you lift your leg to a ninety degree, as if doing ballet on ice. 

He twirls with you in his arms, as the music hits its crescendo, before finally putting you down, his arm still around you, your chests almost brushing against one another.

You’re so close, closer than you’ve ever been, Hyunjin can decipher the specks of light in your eyes, can hear the booming sound of your heartbeat in his chest. Your hand wraps around his bicep as you catch your breath, and Hyunjin is wrapped in a cocoon of your scent. 

He doesn’t wish to break free, he wants to remain in the chrysalis woven by the notes of your perfume. 

It’s a few hours later, Hyunjin laid on his bed, a pillow tightly pressed to his face. He wasn’t a stranger to late-night thoughts strung along by the twilight, but he had never thought before of this—of your lips, how soft they looked inches away from his, how it’d feel to press them on yours, to move slowly, tentatively, and then ravenously, hungrily, achingly.

“Fuck,” he mutters, further burying himself under his covers. Hyunjin wasn’t accustomed to these kinds of thoughts, he had never pursued someone, never had the time nor the energy to do so. Never had anyone grab his attention, in the first place.

Until you.

“Do I like her?” he murmurs to no one but himself, before shaking his head forcefully. “Go to sleep, Hyunjin,” he mutters, willing his eyes to shut closed, sewed so tightly together images of you cannot slip through his eyelids.

But to no avail.

He groans, kicking the covers off before heading to his desk. There, he opens his diary, grabbing a pen as if to write a new entry. But his fingers itch for the buried notebook from four years ago, the one he eyes from the corner of his eye.

He sighs softly before digging it out of its place, his fingers expertly going to his entry the night he came back from the graveyard. The night you met.

He remembers coming home slightly distraught after dropping you off, he had lingered by the door a bit, hearing echoing screams, a door being slammed, then an eerie silence once more.

Hyunjin had been too immersed in his pain to afford absorbing others’ sadness. A sponge that is too saturated, unable to welcome the woes of any other being.

But you had managed to crack through his defenses, frayed yourself a passage through the small gaps forgotten, shed sunlight on parts of himself he had thought were rotten, lost beyond salvation.

He felt an excruciating sadness for you, for your anger, for your sadness, for the way it consumed you whole, because he knew what would follow—when a body burns up, all that is left after is ashes, scattered everywhere, mingling with specks of dust, meaningless, a heart that serves no purpose anymore.

He never told you, he is unsure if he ever would, but it was the fourth anniversary of his mother’s death when he met you. He had planned to spend the night in a willowing state of sadness, an incapacitating one that didn’t allow for his limbs to move, similar to the first anniversary, then the second, then the third.

But he had spent the rest of it sketching your tearful eyes as you looked up at him, as you cowered away from his words, as you relaxed in his car.

That is the image he finds in his diary entry. But now that he thinks about it, he didn’t skillfully depict the moles scattered on your face, the crease near your eyes, or the way your hair reflects the sun’s light. He didn’t capture the arch of your eyebrow or the way beauty seems to reside in every nook and cranny of your face, seems to pour out of your pores like the sun brushing against a waterfall the way timid lovers do—magical, beautiful.

He sees you in a whole different light, now.

Hyunjin runs a tired hand through his hair, before grabbing his sketchbook. In the hours that ensued, in which he tried to do your beauty justice, erasing and retracing the shape of you time and time again, numerous questions ran through his mind, racing against time to find answers.

Does he like you? No, too simplistic of a question, too dim to encapsulate what knowing you feels like.

Is his soul drawn to yours?

Perhaps. Yes. Most definitely, his heart whispered.

Would he be a fool if he ever confessed it to you?

It is his mind that answered then. A bit forcefully, in fear, in warning: yes, a thousand times yes.

…

There are places in your parent’s house that you always stray from, the way oil stirs away from water. One, the vicinity of their bedroom, two, the living room— the ones in which you are most likely to stumble upon them. Three, the attic, in which you will most likely brush against ghosts from the past.

But somehow you found yourself exactly there, tonight. 

It's 10 p.m. The sun has long sunk below Seoul’s horizon, leaving behind a sky awash in an exquisitely deep blue, so inviting you almost wish to disappear into it. Today was your rest day, no dance studio, no late night escapades with Hyunjin.

You find yourself missing his giggles and how they would linger in your mind long after you part ways.

The attic is still, the floorboards creaking beneath the weight of your feet as you fumble for a light switch, your hand sweeping along the dusty wall. It flickers on, weak and golden, and you squint as the air, thick with age, coats your lungs. 

Old furniture crowds the room, remnants of a life you left behind four years ago. You’re surprised they kept your bed untouched in your room, one last string tying them to your memory.

Your eyes sweep over old paintings, broken suitcases, and wooden shelves, a hand mixer—useless now. And then, you see it, the reason you climbed here. 

Your mother had once mentioned a box, in passing, filled with things your sister wanted to leave for you. Your mother wasn’t pregnant with you at the time nor did she intend to, but she’d entertain the idea to make her favorite girl happy. 

You kneel and pull the box to your lap, the cardboard soft and weathered under your fingers.

“She was so kind,” your mother had said, too many glasses of wine in her system, her words loose and unguarded. “She gave up her favorite toys for you, before you were even born.” You never asked why they were never passed on, deep down you already knew the answer. She never deemed you worthy of having them. 

Inside, you find a small doll with golden hair and big glassy blue eyes, its pink dress dotted with strawberries, a swan hairpin missing some crystals, and tiny, delicate ballerina shoes, pale pink, unused, small—so small. 

And then, a note. 

Your heart stumbles, the bile rising fast to your throat as you grip the worn paper in your hands. 

Your sister had always been a myth, a memory passed down to you by your parents. An elusive figure you have only seen in photographs, until now. 

You’ve never had words that she addressed to you. 

The paper crinkles as you unfold it. You can somehow hear the rush of hot blood in your veins—uncomfortable, deafening. 

The words blur together as your eyes skim over the paper. You catch fragments— to my future sister—then something about how she wants to play with you, urging you to hurry, come quickly, before I break all my toys.

Your vision wavers, the small, careful handwriting barely legible through the haze. I left you my favorite doll and hairpin. So simple. So kind. I also left you my new ballet shoes. You don’t have to like ballet but if you do that would be awesome.

I would love to dance ballet with you.

The note crumples in your hand as your heart lurches, body jolted upright as if struck by lightning. You stumble out of the attic, discarding the box as the walls close in on you. They press, like the past, against your ribcage until you feel like you might suffocate.

You’ve carried resentment like a stone in your chest, a tide pulled by the moon, ever present, ever rising. You resented her because her memory haunted you, grew larger than life as you did. But she never asked for that. She was just a child, a seven-year-old who loved you before you even existed.

How horrible are you? 

Guilt is bitter on your tongue, sour as acid, and you swallow hard against it, tasting the metallic tang of regret. You don’t think as you barge into your parent’s room, blinded by feelings too entangled like vines to tell apart. 

“What’s wrong?” your mother asks, sitting in a bed too big for her alone. You throw the crumpled note at her. 

“Why did you never give me this?” you demand, and her eyes widen as she skims the lines, a sheen glazing her pupils. 

“I…” she stammers, and you laugh—a hollow, jagged sound—as your hands press against your forehead, fingers digging into the migraine feeding off your pain.

“You know I hated her, right? I– I hated a child, my sister because I never felt loved by you,” you choke, voice fracturing, “how– my god how pathetic is that?” 

“i’ve always loved you,” she says, voice tentative. but it is too meek of a reply, too hollow before the depths of your abandonment. 

“I’ve never, NEVER felt once loved by you! YOU made me feel as if I was competing with a ghost. She wasn’t here but she was everywhere and I was never enough to fill her shoes!” 

“I was a grieving mother!” she yells, standing up to face you, her face flushed and her hands trembling. “Do you know how terrible it feels to lower your child into the ground? Do you know how horrible I felt covering her grave when she was scared of the dark, when she hated the cold? She–” her voice cracks like fragile glass, unraveling as tears spill over her face, “She kept telling me that she didn’t want to leave us, that she didn’t want to die. How am I—“ She sobs, the sound raw, torn, “how am I supposed to forget my baby’s last breath? how am i supposed to be a perfect mother to you when I couldn’t protect her?” 

“i never wanted a perfect mother.” you murmur, eyes shutting tight, chest heaving with hiccuped breaths. “I never said you had to forget her. But I was right here. I was alive. I was breathing, hurting, waiting for you to see me, to love me.” Your voice breaks, you sound like your seven years old self and you hate that. “Did I mean so little to you?”

You smile sadly before her silence, your shoulders dropping low. You are too tired for an offense, too tired to tear down her defenses. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t always a good child. I’m sorry that sometimes I threw tantrums. I’m sorry for all the ways I failed you. I know I’m not perfect. I hurt, I stumble, I make mistakes. I am filled with resentment. I choke with it, and sometimes I hurt others too. But I try. I always try to make things right. And I apologize if I do.” 

Silence thickens between you both like browned sugar, though this moment is anything but sweet. You remain quiet, hoping for your salvation to come in the form of two words, two simple words— I’m sorry—that is all it would take to soothe your heart a little. 

You wait, and wait, and more seconds pass as the silence stretches longer and your mother refuses to meet your eyes. And slowly, slowly the hope withers within you. You know she isn’t apologizing tonight. Maybe not ever.

“Forget it.” you whisper as you leave the room and hurriedly walk out of the house. You need something strong, something to burn away the ache, something to scald the memory from your bones, to forget.

It’s nearly midnight when Hyunjin finally steps out of the training building. The air is crisp, cool against his flushed skin, but his relief is short-lived as his eyes land on Sohee, the owner of the kimchi jjigae place nearby, hovering by the entrance. 

Hyunjin’s frown deepens—something feels off. 

“Ah, hyunjin,” the fifty something quickly jogs up to him. “The security guard told me you still hadn’t left.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Yn has been drinking for the past hours, she looks.. Sad. And I’m worried she can’t get home safely.” Sohee’s tone sets off the alarm in Hyunjin’s mind. 

His worry tightens into a knot in his chest as he steps into the narrow restaurant. His eyes immediately fall on you—your cheek pressed against the table, five empty soju bottles scattered around you

He crouches in front of you, his heart twisting as he takes in the dried streaks of tears on your cheeks. What happened?

“Hey,” he whispers gently, afraid to jolt you awake. You stir, blinking groggily, trying to piece together your surroundings.

“Hyunjin,” you breathe, barely a whisper, and his heart softens at the sound. He nods, offering you a small smile, though concern darkens his eyes. “What’s wrong, hm?”

His words unlock something deep inside you, and your face crumbles like a porcelain vase breaking apart. The tears come swiftly, welling in your eyes until they spill over, your lower lip trembling like fragile branches in a storm.

“I’m a—I’m a horrible person,” you choke out between sobs, your voice trembling as much as your body. Your eyes squeeze shut as your shoulders quake, and Hyunjin’s hands move instinctively, gently covering your tightly clenched fists.

“No, you’re not,” he murmurs, his voice soft and steady, as if trying to hold you together with his words alone.

But you shake your head fiercely, a sob tearing from your throat, raw and unrestrained. “I’m a horrible sister,” you manage to whisper, your words barely audible as you wipe at your eyes, only for the tears to fall faster, harder.

Hyunjin watches you break, his heart aching with every tear that slips down your face. He feels weird, feverish, as if your pain has somewhat transferred to his heart. He glances at Sohee, who quietly steps out of the restaurant, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet, dim light.

With a soft sigh, Hyunjin gently cups your face in his hands, his palms warm against your tear-streaked cheeks. His thumbs trace slow, soothing circles across your skin.

“You didn’t even get to be a sister, how could you be a horrible one?” 

“I hated her for so long when all she wanted was to dance with me. I hated a child for so long, I’m a-a horrible person.” 

Hyunjin tentatively licks his lips, thoughts jumbled in his mind like wires. His heart is beating so fast as he wraps an arm around your back, bringing your face to the crook of his neck. You seem to melt in his embrace, tension loosening off of your back as he gently pats your spine. 

“I don’t think you hated your sister. You hated how your parents treated you. Those are two different things.”

Your tears are unceasing, trickling down his skin as you sob more and more. He doesn’t mind the dampening of his shirt, he would never mind a lot of things when it comes to you.

“Humans aren’t straightforward lines, we bend and twist and stray from our paths because our hearts are too frail and sometimes we carry emotions too heavy for us to bear. Sometimes we are pushed to feel certain things when we’ve never wanted to go through them.”

He never stops patting your back gently, his hand traveling from the top of your hair to the base of your spine. “A bad person does not worry about being a bad person. I’m sure your sister knows you love her. You have nothing to feel horrible about.”

Your tears are unyielding and Hyunjin feels as if it isn’t enough— to press your body to his hoping the rhythm of his heart would calm down yours, to think of words of his own doing to soothe your pain. He has not had to comfort anyone in so long, he doesn’t know how to stop your ache. He wishes he could soak your sorrow into his heart instead— he’s used to it, he can handle your pain and his, at once.

He’s racking his mind furiously for things to comfort you. In his memory he stumbles upon the poem of Mary Oliver that has held his hand in the dark.

“Would you like to hear my favorite poem?” he asks, in a whisper.

He feels you nodding against his chest, and he peels himself away from you, painfully, like removing a bandaid from a wound that has yet to scab.

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide and glossy as he peers into yours, as he looks beyond your irises and gazes at your soul, as he recites to you, with a steady voice like a current that doesn’t fall prey to the hazards of storms— “You do not have to be good.” He smiles softly. “You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.” The verb strikes you like a thunderbolt. “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

It passes him like a vision, a flash of white that blinds him, him holding your cheeks but without tears, him cupping your face, in the mornings and in the nights, because it is you his soft clueless flesh aches to love.

It’s gone as quick as it came, his words come out much slower, much more disoriented as he continues— “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.”

“I want to tell you,” you hiccup, your cheeks are all rosy, delicate red veins protruding the white of your eyes. Your lips are all swollen from how hard you bit them to muffle your sobs.

“I will listen,” he reassures. Hyunjin stays true to his words. He drives you to his place, there, atop his couch, lit by a flower shaped lamp casting warm shadows on you both; you felt safe, a vanilla tea in hand, to talk, to tell Hyunjin everything, how you felt and how lonely, excruciatingly lonely you have been for the past years.

And he listens, he listens well, nodding, holding your hand when it shakes, wiping your tears when they slip from your face.

You feel a sense of gratitude swell in your heart, as if a hundred tulips bloomed in your chest at once. You feel safe talking about your biggest fears to Hyunjin, handing him your heart on an open palm, bruised, bleeding. He would wrap it in a gauze for you, he would keep it safe till you can heal it once more.

You doze in and off sleep on the couch, you can feel Hyunjin placing a warm blanket atop you. You swear he sat by your side for a long while, his hand gently patting your hair and threading through your locks.

You resisted the urge to pull his hand, to beg him to climb near you on the couch and have him encapsulate you in his hold once more. It would be too much for him to bear. Too much of you to ask. Too hard for you to handle a no.

Because even in your drunken state, with a heart weighed down by alcohol and ten thousand stones of grief, when Hyunjin cupped your cheeks in his larger, warmer hands, when he peered into your soul with his brown glimmering eyes, when it looked as if he could mirror your pain, as if he could understand the guilt, as if he could hold your hand through the grief— for one second, for a fleeting instant, it was all forgotten. 

The grief became a simple myth in your mind, a distant memory, something you could brush away as a bad dream slipping away with the march of time; simply because he was there for you through it.

… 

Hyunjin is beautiful.

This isn’t new knowledge for you, per se. You've known it from the moment your eyes met his, through a veil of relentless rain and the sting of unshed tears. Even then, you recognized it—he was the most beautiful human you’d ever seen. 

But somehow, you’ve managed to tuck this knowledge away, placed it in a forgotten recess of your mind. You had found other things to like about Hyunjin, things that wouldn’t be weird for a friend to admire— and Hyunjin made that an easy feat for you. 

You enjoyed the poems, all the ones he’d recite to you from time to time. You loved watching people’s eyes turn to behold him, and him unaware of this magnetic aura coating his porcelain skin. You felt warm hearing his bright and unrestrained giggles, seeing traces of happiness carved into his eyes, watching his lips stretch into a wide grin that seemed to swallow the world whole. 

But there are moments when it’s harder to forget. Like now—when Hyunjin stands before you, slipping on the finishing touches of his performance outfit. His sky-blue top clings to his frame, bedazzled with pearls and diamonds that cascade like teardrops, swooping around his small waist and hugging his broad shoulders. The fabric melts into his black pants, carving his silhouette like a chiseled statue.

There are only ten minutes left before his turn on stage. Last night, over quiet spoonfuls of miso soup, Hyunjin told you to please stay backstage with him, his voice so soft it felt like a secret only meant for you. And how could you refuse? Hyunjin wanted you close—Hyunjin asked for you.

He is nervous, you can tell by the slight tremble of his hands as he struggles with his earring, the delicate hoop slipping from his grasp. It falls, and before you know it, you’ve stepped forward, picking it up, your fingers steady as you help him clasp it into place. 

His gaze is heavy on you, and your heart beats a little too fast. You avoid meeting his eyes—he’s too close, too vulnerable of a setting for you.

You finish, stepping back, but Hyunjin’s hand finds your wrist, gently tugging you close again. He doesn’t let go, his fingers playing with the hem of your sleeve. He bites his lip, lets go of the plush flesh before biting it once more, then he confesses. “i’m scared.” 

Your fingers find his wrist, settle above his wildly beating pulse, a small part of you selfishly wishes it is because of your proximity. Your thumb gently swipes across his soft skin as you say, “you’ll do amazing. I’m sure of it.”

He nods, though something flickers in his eyes, something unsaid that lingers between you. He swallows it down, offering you a small smile. “Thank you. I’ll see you after.”

“Okay,” you grin back, “I’ll see you with a gold medal.” 

You’ve seen this choreography countless times before, memorized every twist, every subtle motion of his body. But watching him perform, under the harsh, burning lights, is like witnessing something new. 

Hyunjin moves with a grace that defies reason, a dancer molded by the music, his body bending to its rhythm, his face crumbling as the music swells. 

Hyunjin glides around as if he is one with the ice, he glows, like the sun on stage, mesmerizing, dipping low with the music and soaring high with its rhythm. Your hand is on your chest as you watch him deliver the killing move, a deep dip, head thrown back, his body a perfect arch on his knees. 

He finishes, under the roaring applause of everyone around. You’re first to stand on your feet and the entire arena follows, giving Hyunjin the standing ovation he deserves, the only one of the night. He bows deeply, a hand on his heart as he soaks in the praise. 

You feel like throwing up as you anxiously await the results to show up on the screen. One minute of silence passes by, then, you see it. His name comes in first. 

Hyunjin won. Hyunjin qualified for the Olympics.

He’s already skating towards you, and you’re moving, rushing down to meet him. You wrap him in a tight hug, feeling his chest rise and fall with quick breaths.

“How was it?” he asks, laughter bubbling in his voice. You find it to be such a silly question. 

How could he be anything but extraordinary?

“You fucking did it, Hyunjin,” you say, the words leaving you in a rush. He tips his head back, laughing, his happiness so pure it aches. You reluctantly pull away from him as Jihyoun comes to congratulate him, pulling him too for a hug.

“Proud of you son,” he says and you can see Hyunjin’s eyes well up with tears. you wish you could kiss them away, the tears and the sadness, will it to desert his heart, kiss his smile and happiness, learn the taste of his joys and sorrows. 

Oh god. 

The thoughts submerge you like you’re doused in gasoline, and being near Hyunjin is the crickling match that will set you on fire.

“There’s an afterparty to celebrate the man of the hour,” Jihyoun grins, patting Hyunjin’s back in a fatherly manner. You can feel the pull of the crowd, people waiting to shower him with well-deserved praise, like waves gathering to meet the shore.

“Are you coming?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft as his gaze lingers on you. You hesitate, and he pouts, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his face. “I want you to come, please.”

“Okay,” you smile, though your feet are already inching away. “But I left my phone at home. I’ll go get it and come back.” That is the truth, or maybe just a shadow of it.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Hyunjin, ever the considerate one. His kindness cuts deeper than he knows, a dull blade slicing against your fragile skin. You hate how you pull his thoughtfulness to somewhere tainted with shadows. You hate how your mind cannot accept that someone could care for you. What if he pities you, still? It asks. What if he only sees you as the selfish girl sobbing at her sister’s grave? 

How could someone like Hyunjin, radiant as the sun pay attention to a mere rock floating in space, aimless, too unimportant to even be given a name? 

“No, it’s a quick drive. Enjoy your moment.” You flash a smile, hoping it covers the tremor in your voice. You quickly slip away before Hyunjin can notice, your pace quickening as his brow furrows behind you.

You’ve never dared to truly like someone. The harsh truth is that people like you, who were born sipping grief in their mother’s womb, only end up accustomed to its metallic tang on their tongues.

You exist to mourn, to ache for what was and all that will never be. Even if happiness brushed against your fingertips, dazzling and radiant, you would not recognize its face, you would distort its features into the terrible grief you’ve always known. 

It’s been thirty minutes since you left and Hyunjin’s eyes keep drifting toward the door, pulled by some invisible force. Jihyoun is talking, excitedly introducing him to someone new, someone important from the sound of it. He hears snippets of the conversation— Switzerland, the best coaching center, a guaranteed win, but the words are distant, like murmurs underwater. 

His mind is a whirlwind of paranoid thoughts as Hyunjin redoes the calculations: it was supposed to be a fifteen minute errand, at most. Where are you?

His heart feels tethered to a storm as he steps out, muttering a feeble excuse to Jihyoun, feet moving before his brain catches up. The air feels heavy like trying to inhale metal, only to end up crushed from all sides.

He searches the parking lot, scanning the faces mingling there, but he finds no sign of you. His feet keep moving, driven by instinct, by a chilling feeling pulling at his heart, desperate to glimpse you.

Then he sees it—flashing lights up ahead. His world dims as he watches a man on the phone, gesturing frantically toward a car. A car that’s all too familiar. Yours, crumpled like a piece of paper, flipped on its side, crashed against a tree. 

A loud ringing floods his ears akin to the buzzing of a hundred angry bees, at once. His legs buckle, his hand slamming against a nearby car for balance, but it feels like the earth beneath him is giving way. His eyes squeeze shut, his back turning away from the wreck. Not again.

Please, not again.

His throat burns with bile, and it feels like nails are clawing at his chest, ripping his skin open and exposing his heart. It’s pounding wildly, erratically, like it’s trying to escape the cage of his ribs and splatter on his feet. 

He can’t turn around—he’s too afraid of what he’ll see. But he has to. His breath comes in ragged gasps, his vision spotted with white as he stumbles forward. He taps the man’s arm. He struggles to find his voice as if it were never his to begin within. “Did someone get out of the car?” he whispers, broken, pleading. The man shakes his head.

Hyunjin rushes to the window, desperate to find you, to see you breathing, but the glass is tinted, hiding whatever lies inside. Without thinking, he throws his fist against the window. Once. Twice. Again. And again. His skin splits, blood dripping down his knuckles, but he can’t stop. He pounds the glass until it shatters, only to find nothing within.

“Hyunjin?” A voice, so achingly familiar, cuts through the haze. He spins around, breathless, and there you are—limping, disheveled, but alive. You’re breathing.

In an instant, he’s in front of you, his eyes wide, frantic, searching yours as if they behold the answer to every fear, every prayer he has ever uttered. His hand trembles as it cups your cheek, thumb brushing your skin, needing to feel your warmth. His gaze flickers over your body, checking for any trace of life-threatening injury, his heart lodged in his throat.

“Are you okay?” His voice is raw, stripped bare.

“I am,” you reply, and your words are his salvation. A sigh shudders out of him, pulled from the deepest parts of his soul, as if he’s been drowning and you’ve finally pulled him to the surface.

He falls to his knees, palms pressing into the ground. Tears spill from his eyes, hot and heavy, streaking down his face like rain in a storm. You kneel beside him, and his arms instinctively wrap around you, pulling you close. 

His fingers weave through your hair, pressing you to him, needing to feel you, needing to know you’re real. His body trembles as he buries his face in your hair, his tears soaking through your shirt, inhaling your scent, grounding himself in you.

“Yn,” he breathes, your name the only thing that could express the magnitude of his relief. He holds you tighter, the words tumbling out like a prayer, “I thought I lost you. My god, I thought I lost you.”

It takes a while for you to process his words, to understand the scale of his fear at the thought of losing you. Those are foreign notions for you, a sight you never thought you’d grasp one day. A sight you never deemed yourself deserving of. 

“You’d care this much if I died?” Your voice is a whisper, small, uncertain.

Hyunjin’s bloodied hand smooths your hair, his eyes red, chest heaving. “Yn, I…” He squeezes his eyes shut, voice breaking. “Yn, please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry,” your lower lip quivers at the sight of his tears, somehow seeing him sob leads to your own unraveling, as if your emotions are tied by one red string. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you,” you apologize, you the forgotten one, the ghost in your own home, apologizing because for once, your absence did hurt someone, because for once someone would miss you if you were ever gone.

Hours later, you’re in Hyunjin’s home, tucked into the safety of his bed. You’d refused to call your parents, not wanting them to know what had happened, how close their wish had become reality. 

The ambulance had taken you both to the hospital, where they patched Hyunjin’s wounds and checked you for a concussion. You repeated, over and over, like a broken record— “The brakes stopped working, and I jumped out of the car.” Hyunjin spoke for you when you grew tired.

“How are you feeling, Yn?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft, as he hovers over your figure. Your name sounds sweeter from his lips. It sounds as if it was always his to pronounce. 

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I ruined your night.” Your apology is quiet, but he shakes his head, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. Your eyes shut closed as his lips caress your skin, as if wanting to drown out all the other senses, useless, needing to focus solely on his touch. 

“If you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”

He goes to leave, but you catch his hand. You don’t overthink your next words, you think you’re long past that when it comes to him. “You called me by my name. I thought you didn’t remember it.”

“I never forgot,” he says, stepping closer. “I’ve known who you were since the moment I saw you. I… I thought about you a lot for the past four years, Yn. I think about you now too,” a pause, “for different reasons. Sweeter reasons.”

He remembered. He has come to know you and he still thinks of you.

“Me too,” you smile softly, “I think about you so much it feels as if you’re all I’ve ever known,” you confess breathlessly. Your eyes flicker to his lips, and his do the same.

Before you can think, you’re standing on your tiptoes, your lips resting on his, unmoving, driven by a desire so raw it blinded you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You pull away, stumbling back.

But his hands find your waist, pulling you back. “Can I do that again, Yn?” His voice is soft, and you nod, dazed. How could you ever refuse him?

His mouth returns to yours, slow and deliberate, like a melody reuniting with its refrain. Sweetness spills from his lips onto yours, a blend of honey and wildflowers and something that is entirely his. His breath surrounds you, intoxicating, pulling you into a world where all you wish is to melt into him, to slip beneath his skin and flow through his veins. 

Fireworks bloom behind your eyelids, explosions of colors you’ve never seen before, as if the universe itself has unraveled in the space between you both. His hands cradle your face, thumbs tracing circles along your cheeks that send a thousand butterflies flapping their wings throughout your being. Your fingers weave into the silk of his hair, a breath of relief escaping you as you touch him the way you’ve longed for. 

You’re still kissing him and yet you already ache to do it again, again and again, till you forgive the world every cruelty it has inflicted into you, if it allows you to hold his warmth a little longer, to keep your sun cupped between your palms. 

“Is this what happiness feels like?” he murmurs against your lips, a smile threading between your breaths, your teeth grazing his in the closeness. You laugh softly, your foreheads touching softly, “I think it is. It tastes so sweet.”

“Mm, I think I need to taste it again, to make sure,” he teases, his lips finding yours once more, playful and hungry. Time loses its meaning, minutes slipping away like sand grains between your fingers. By the time you part, your heart has memorized the rhythm of his breath and the weight of his lips upon yours, as familiar now as your own pulse.

… 

“So, how do we do this?”

Your laughter echoes softly down the corridor. Hyunjin has you pinned against the wall near the skating rink, his right hand braced above your head, the other hovering over your waist—yet, it’s that mere sliver of air between his fingers and your skin that ignites a wildfire within you, burning bright with longing.

“Wouldn’t it be strange if we just walked in, holding hands? I mean, Jihyoun knows me, but…” Your voice drifts away like chimney smoke, dissolving into the background of Hyunjin’s thoughts. He’s no longer listening—he’s observing. Memorizing. His gaze skillfully captures every curve, every shadow of your face, as if this is the last dawn he’ll ever witness. As if, by morning, he’ll be blind, and this moment is his only chance to engrave you into his memory.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes, his voice soft, almost reverent. Your words falter, fading like the final notes of a song only he remembers. He leans in, his lips brushing your cheek with a tenderness that paints your skin crimson red. 

He smirks, satisfied by the effect—perhaps, he thinks, that is how the sun feels as it kisses the horizon goodnight, leaving the sky a blushing mess. 

“You were saying?” he teases, and you roll your eyes, pretending to be exasperated. “I was saying that it would be—“ But his lips find yours once more, plucking the words from your tongue like petals from a flower. 

In the dim glow of the corridor, the world around you fades to an afterthought. It feels as though you exist only for this, only for him— to kiss and to be kissed by Hyunjin.

“Finally!” Jihyoun’s voice shatters the moment, ringing out like a bell, pulling you both apart. “Thank you for kissing him, Yn. Now he’ll stop with the longing stares at the door.”

“What stares?” you laugh, the sound bubbling sweetly up your throat. Hyunjin scratches the nape of his neck, shrugging innocently when your eyes meet, as if he has no idea what Jihyoun is talking about (though he knows all too well).

Hyunjin catches his coach’s eye over your shoulder, a wide smile tugging at his lips. Jihyoun once told him that he seems to bloom around you, like a flower starved of sunlight, finally nourished. The thought warms him—knowing that the people closest to him feel your presence like a balm to his soul. His mother would have loved you too, he’s certain of it.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Hyunjin whispers later, as you’re leaving the practice building, his arm draped over your shoulder, yours wrapped around his waist. Natural. Familiar. Like two rivers flowing into one.

“I don’t have anything of mine there,” you pout, and Hyunjin stops, cupping your cheek, his nose grazing yours in a gesture so tender it makes your heart float within your ribcage. “That’s part of my secret plan—to get you in my clothes.”

“Oh, what a very secretive plan,” you giggle, stealing a quick kiss. “And what would we do tonight?” 

“Sleep together.” You raise an eyebrow, and he shakes his head, flushing crimson. “I mean—sleep, actual sleep, not that I wouldn’t want to make love to you,” Your laughter rings out, as his forehead finds its hiding place against your shoulder, embarrassed. “I just want to hold you close. That’s all.”

Your sweet Hyunjin.

“I want that too, Hyune.”

Hyunjin has never been much of a writer, his forté has always been to express himself with his body, spell out words out of the movement of his limbs. It is more evident as he opens the door to his apartment, with you trailing behind. As he looks at both your shoes sitting side by side near the entrance, your accessories resting next to his in the bathroom. 

He lacks the words to explain how right, how natural it feels for him to have you in his space, for you to fill it with the music of your voice and the fragrance of your perfume. As if it has always been his reality, to walk home with you, to watch you slip into his clothes, to brush his teeth next to you, to lay atop the bed with your warm eyes staring at him instead of a cold wall. 

“Do you believe in fate?” you suddenly ask, your thumb trailing alongside his neck, pausing right where his pulse beats. He has never been aware of the weight of life against his skin until he knew you. 

“I never did, I didn’t want to believe in something pre-written for me. Wouldn’t that confine who I am, who I could be?” he muses and you nod softly, inching closer to him. “But somewhat,” he trails off, lifting your hand to his mouth, peepering the sweetest kisses alongside your palm and wrist, like dewdrops caressing leaves. “I believe in it now, because of you.” 

“I think I was meant to find you that day in the graveyard. I think what I feel for you is too grand to be a pure coincidence,” he confesses. 

“And what do you feel for me?” you ask, your voice soft, curious. 

Hyunjin doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, he gently twirls a strand of your hair away from your eyes, before tucking it behind the cuff of your ear. He presses his forehead to yours, like two pages of a book meeting one another, then he exhales slowly, like a man who has found peace after a lifetime of searching. 

And in a way, he has. He can stop looking frantically for something that would stitch his soul up, he has found you, now. 

“I used to resent hearing my own heartbeat. At times it felt like a punishment, because existing felt like a chore. I wanted the sound to quiet down, I didn’t want to hear anything, nor feel anything anymore.” 

“But now,” he pulls you closer, your legs intertwining with his, like roots seeking comfort in one another, “it’s reassuring to hear, because it means there is still life within me to love you in it.”

Love. The word has long felt like a thorn ingrained into your skin. You have always recoiled from it, less from repulse and more in fear— if the people who were put on this earth to love you, didn’t, then weren’t you meant to remain unloved for the rest of your life? 

But looking at Hyunjin now, at the way the word rests gently on his lips, rolls off his tongue with such ease, with such certainty, you don’t want to run.

You want to stay. 

It is when Hyunjin traces maps along your skin with his lips, as you drift down the constellations of moles on his chest, as you find yourself lost within everything that makes up his being— his scent, his sounds, the weight of him pressed against you— that you find your words to reply, to breathe your first I love you to him. 

And in that confession, another realization comes, though this one is bitter, sour, like a chilling premonition: if Hyunjin were ever to leave, what would be left of you after? 

…

Hyunjin has never been fond of the concept of time, minutes seemed to march differently when it came to him— seconds stretching out like thin threads, nights unraveling in restless turns, sleep plucked right off from his eyelids. 

But with you, time softened, as the hours spun forward, swift and gentle. Around you, Hyunjin no longer felt the weight of passing days on his heart. 

Hyunjin didn’t feel the two months of happiness you bestowed upon him slipping from his grasp. 

He was lost, adrift in the gentle tides of your being—swept by the melody of your laughter, cradled by the softness of your curves. He often wondered if he was deserving of this happiness, yet never lingered long enough to find an answer. He selfishly accepted the joy you gifted him, for once. 

Your belongings filled the empty nooks of his apartment gradually, corner by corner—your satin pajamas settling just above his plaid ones, your skincare nestled near his on the bathroom shelf, your favorite mug clinking against his in the dishwasher. 

In some way, it mirrored how you’d seeped into him, like sunlight breaking through the longest of nights— threads of the sun illuminating what was once lost to darkness. 

He’d steady your chin to help with your mascara, your doe eyes looking up into his. You’d brush his hair, pressing gentle kisses along his shoulder blades. He’d do your laundry. You’d make his coffee each morning. He’d brew your tea each night.

You didn’t have much time to talk during the day, both of you engrossed in the practice of your respective arts. Yet, the knowledge that you were just a floor above him, close if he ever wished to see you, was enough to soothe his heart.

It was at night that you bared yourselves to each other, in ways that went beyond the tender grip of his hands on your waist, or the slow trail of your fingers down the curve of his back.

In the hush of the twilight, you’d unfold softly, revealing the hidden layers within—you’d share your dreams and hopes, and the moments that shaped you, letting the fragments of your pasts settle in the safety between you both. 

“I think I know my purpose now,” you whispered one night, and he hummed, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. “What is it?” 

“I think I kept ballet at a distance because loving it felt like surrendering to my parents’ dreams, like I’d be becoming what they always wanted me to be.” You paused, your voice a little softer, a little braver. “But I do love it, Hyunjin. I want to be the best at it. I want to honor my sister through it.” 

His gaze softened, as a tender smile blossomed in his lips. “You already do.”

Some nights were less sweet, tangled with heavy grief and unshed tears, yet it felt easier to walk through them if you were there holding his hand. 

“Would you go into her room with me?” he asked quietly one night, his gaze locked on his mother’s bedroom, its door sealed for a decade. He had never dared to enter it once more, afraid it would further cement the notion that she was gone.

That truth felt easier to confront with you near.

“Of course,” you replied softly. “Whatever you need.”

The room was just as he remembered, only stuffier with dust and heartache. Time hung in the air, dense and unmoving, clutching at her last moments alive, unwilling to let go. 

He looked to the bed, and he could almost see the shape of her there, frail and thin, her clothes too loose over a body worn out with sickness.

You held him close, steadying him as he took in each familiar corner: their photos framed with gold on the desk, her countless medals hung on the wall, her perfume and hairbrush untouched on the vanity, her rings resting in a small seashell container.

He walked slowly to the vanity, his fingers reaching for the ring he had loved most—a thin band of gold, crowned with a small emerald, dulled by time. Gently, he wiped away the dust with his shirt, before turning to you and slipping it onto your finger.

“Keep it,” he whispered. “It will live again through you.”

In the days that followed, you helped him breathe light and air into the room once more, sweeping dust from the framed certificates and photographs, polishing the medals until they shimmered as they once had. You washed the linens and her clothes, packing them carefully for a donation to cancer wards—something he never found the courage to do, until now.

Grief no longer felt like a knife lodged into his heart, its metal rusting with the passing of time. He saw its true face now—a soft ache, a quiet longing, a thicket of thorns that can only grow from the roots of love.

Your voice floated in his mind that night, echoing like the bells of a long standing cathedral. “your mom loved you, hyunjin. And someone who loves you would want your hands to be warm”— would want you to be happy.

Happiness swept into Hyunjin like an endless, gnawing hunger—an insatiable ache that demanded to be fed. He was ravenous for joy, longing to sink his teeth into it, dip his tongue into its sweetness and let it spill all over him. 

When an exoneree tastes freedom after decades of longing, it is the small breeze, the waves lapping hungrily at his bare feet that make his heart twitch. So it was with Hyunjin: the small joys swelled within his ribcage, vast and boundless. His heart strained against his chest, eager to burst free and feel it all. 

Somehow, Hyunjin’s biggest joy came from watching you dance— the principal dancer of your competition team. Whenever he had a break, he’d choose to slip away from the ice rink and climb the stairs at a hurried speed, slip into the dancing studio and sit in the corner. 

There, he’d watch you, leading the group of dancers you’ll perform with. You stood in the center, beckoning the attention of everyone around. Beautiful, so beautiful.

How foolish of him it was to try to deny it. How foolish of him to think that there was any outcome but to fall for you.

You always caught his eye across the mirror, your face breaking out in a wide grin, as you waved shyly at him, the strictness melting off your features and morphing into something warm. He felt special in a way, to be the sole recipient of such a breathtaking smile. He felt as if he could write hundreds of poems about that alone. 

That smile feels even more precious as you stand on stage at the Seoul International ballet competition, seconds before the light would turn on and you’d begin dancing. In the split second of darkness, it is him your eyes sought after in the crowd, it is him you wink at, before switching into your professional mode.

You aren’t as nervous as he expected you to be. Somehow your facade only slipped when five minutes before the stage you beckoned hyunjin in for a hug. “Do you need anything?” he asked as he kissed your temple softly, tightening his hold on you.

“I just need to hug you for a minute. It helps me calm down.” 

Hyunjin had always known you were a stellar ballerina. You were humble with your achievements, speaking of your art as if you don’t have years of practice to attest to your expertise, as if you hadn’t gotten acclaims nationally and internationally.

Still, seeing you on stage made a different pride bloom in his heart. You are the rightful star of the night, the swan of ballet as the media had dubbed you— delicate with your movements, spreading your arms like the unfurling of their feathers, spinning delicately into the air with a grace that made his breath catch in his throat. You were mesmerizing. 

You didn’t simply move, or dance, that would be too simplistic to encapsulate how you breathed life into this art. Into him. 

And it is hyunjin’s arms that you run into, scurrying down the stage steps, an overflowing bouquet in your right hand and a gleaming trophy held tightly in the other. 

“You won, my love,” he shouts, ecstatic as you throw your arms around his neck, as he cradles your waist, spinning you around like how he always orbits around you. 

He puts you down, leaning in to kiss you with no second thought, your eyes closed as you savor one another, as your lips move as if commanded by the stars, to part only to meet again, and again. Till your cheeks are both flushed and all he can taste is the strawberry in your lip tint. 

Your eyes lock on his, your pupils widening till they swallow your irises, mirroring your breathtaking grin. Hyunjin felt as if the sun had left the sky and lodged within his chest.

But what Hyunjin failed to understand is that, for souls like his, happiness is only a fleeting passenger. Even then, it isn’t meant to be swallowed whole; it is to be eaten bite by bite, back hunched, hidden from the harsh glare of the universe. Perhaps this is the price he pays for defying the sadness that shadows him—his own eager canines sinking into joy, ultimately tearing it apart.

…

“I think I’ll go to Switzerland.”

It takes a few seconds for Hyunjin’s words to settle into your mind, for the syllables to unfurl slowly, like a wave gathering its strength before inevitably crashing on the shore. 

Once, Hyunjin had spoken of a figure skating center in Switzerland, one that Jihyoun praised endlessly—the pinnacle for skaters reaching toward gold.

“Will you go?” you’d asked, and he’d only shrugged. “I’m thinking about it.” The conversation had dissolved then, lost in the press of his body against yours, in the paths his fingers traced down your stomach— dizzying enough to make you forget the sound of your own name.

But you should have known—some things cannot be buried beneath the covers. They always resurface, haunting, inevitable.

You draw in a deep breath, your gaze settling on your congratulatory bouquet. The flowers have started to wither now, despite the sugar cube Hyunjin dropped in the water. 

Were they a trigger for the slow withering of your relationship, too? Did the fall of that first petal set the course for your own undoing?

“Okay,” you nod, biting your lip anxiously. “When will you go?”

“In three days. Or else I’ll miss the deadline to join.”

Oh.

You remain silent, feeling as though barbed wire coils around your throat, each metal spike pressing deep into your flesh. He steps closer, his warm hands cradling your cheeks. It takes you a few seconds to meet his gaze.

You suddenly imagine a life untouched by him. The thought fills you with a horrible urge to weep.

“I know it’s sudden,” he murmurs, voice low, “I tried to delay it as long as I could, but Jihyoun kept insisting, saying it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I don’t want you to feel abandoned.” 

You shake your head, as if to push that thought away, as if the notion itself is meaningless.

“I’ve always known we wouldn’t stay in the same place forever. I have to go back to Juilliard soon, too. I just… never thought it would happen this fast.” You sigh softly, a tender smile slipping across your face as you bring your hands up to cup his cheeks. “But you’re meant for grand things, Hyunjin. If Switzerland is where you’ll find them, then I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“I love you,” he whispers, his nose brushing against yours, a gentle, aching gesture. “We’ll make it work, right?”

He searches your eyes, pleading, his brows drawn into a worried knot.

“Of course, we will.”

It is the first time you lie to Hyunjin. 

“I love you,” he repeats, gripping your waist and lifting you onto the counter.

“I’ve only known love thanks to you,” you murmur. That much is true.

Hyunjin kisses you with hunger, his hand tangled in your hair, his body moving with a fierce rhythm—passion and love dripping from each one of his touches, each one of his spilled i love you’s between broken whimpers and moans. 

He loves you tonight like he has something to prove. As if his fingertips must be etched upon your skin, as if his name should be the one carved deep within you, the one found if you were split open to your soul.

Lying against his bare chest, you feel his breath rise and fall beneath you, the tip of his fingers sketching aimlessly upon your skin. Yet, you sense as if there is already a rift between you both. As if the news of his living has seeped between your bodies— the distance has already laid its claim, separating you both.

… 

You’re back in New York, slipping into the rhythm of your classes like a puzzle piece wedged into place, not quite fitting, yet you force it to. You spend each waking moment practicing your final dance at Juilliard—The Sleeping Beauty—the ballet that will close this chapter of your life.

Your apartment has remained unchanged; the conversations with your classmates are as futile as ever. And your heart still pulses, aches for Seoul, for the warmth you found there, in Hyunjin.

Winter settles in, snow gathering in quiet drifts along the streets. Two languid months slip by, time dragging its feet, as if too wishing to remain right where you left Hyunjin. You lose yourself in the pursuit of a perfect performance. And yet, the praise of your professors and peers no longer fills you as it once did.

It all feels hollow, empty, when you can’t remember the last time you and Hyunjin spoke, actually spoke, the way you used to.

You’d already seen this scene unfold in your mind the day he broke the news—more vividly still as he walked away in the airport. You had known the first few days would be good—frequent calls and texts, sharing the smallest details of his new life and of your familiar one.

But then, the silence would settle in, as it has. Because you and Hyunjin are both perfectionists. Because without your art, both of you are left with nothing but shadows of yourselves— hollow shells calling out in agony to what truly pleases your souls. 

You’re afraid to say it out loud, but Hyunjin’s face is blurring in your memory, details softening as though sketched by an impressionist’s brush. All that remains clear are the shadows under his eyes on your last video call, dark circles carved deep into his soft skin, his exhaustion bleeding through the screen as he struggled to stay awake for you.

There is no one to blame, and somehow, that only hurts you even more. You could sacrifice your hours of practice, and so could he. But then the guilt would come, ravenous, gnawing at your soul. And guilt is a hungry being, soon enough it won’t be satiated by you. Soon enough it will turn to your love for Hyunjin. 

And you couldn’t afford that. 

You miss him most on days like this, when nothing seems right from the moment you open your eyes. The city’s chill feels sharper, as though mocking you, reminding you of the warmth you left behind.

The wind bites as you step into the night, wandering aimlessly, your feet carrying you to nowhere in particular. Tears hover at the edge of your lashes, but you refuse to let them fall.

There’s no grace in the way you don’t allow yourself to cry, no mercy in how you hold yourself together. You've always been a performer, haven’t you? Even your pain feels like a scene you must perfect. Is it tragic enough? Does it carve deep enough to justify being felt?

You bite your lip, numb fingers pulling out your phone. You type out Hyunjin’s contact— my love. Your last message to him was two days ago.

With a sigh, you press call. He answers on the final ring.

“Hi, my angel,” he says, a bit breathless. Probably mid-training.

You force a smile, hoping he won’t hear the tremble in your voice. “Hi, baby. Practicing?”

“Yeah.” He hums. “Are you outside?”

“Im going for a walk.” Your voice quiets as the lump in your throat tightens, a chain wrapping around your words, binding you.

“Are you okay, my love?” he asks gently, and you nod though he can’t see.

“I am,” you lie. “I just miss you.” The confession slips out before you can stop it, and the weight of it crushes you. You miss him so much it’s killing you.

“I miss you too,” he says softly. You feel like throwing up. You have to make it quick before your courage betrays you. 

“I think we should end things,” you say quickly, biting down so hard on your lip that blood beads up, sharp and metallic on your tongue— just like your words.

“What?” he whispers, and you hear his faint apologies, the rustle as he moves to someplace quieter, someplace where you can break his heart without an audience.

“Why do you want this? Don’t you love me anymore?” His voice is small, fragile, and you feel the tears welling in your eyelids, but not yet.

“You know there’s no one I love but you,” you say, drawing in a breath that doesn’t wish to be trapped by you. “But we’re both so busy it barely feels like we’re together anymore.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby, I’ll try to text more, I promise. I’ll cut back on my training for you, I’ll—.”

“You know I’d never ask that of you.” You cut him off, smiling sadly and he falls quiet.

You see him then, in a haze of memory—Hyunjin’s head resting in your lap, your fingers lost in his hair. You hear his voice again, soft and raw, “My mom’s last wish for me was to win that gold medal. I’m terrified of letting her down. Just thinking about it—” He’d let out a humorless laugh. “She isn’t here, and yet I still feel this debt to her. Isn’t that strange?”

You know it well—the pain of failing those you love, even those who don’t love you back.

“Your mom wanted you to win that medal, didn’t she?” you say softly. “I would never come between you and that.” A pause. “But doesn’t it hurt more to wait for a message that never comes?”

“I…” he stammers, a sniffle slipping through the phone, and it nearly undoes you.

“Yn, I- you know that I love you.”

And in that instant, you know he understands. It’s because Hyunjin understands that you love him.

“I love you too, my Hyune.”

“Then don’t say this,” he chokes out, “say something cruel—something that’ll make it easier not to miss you so much when you’re gone.”

You can hear him crying, and the sound permanently breaks a rib within your heart. It sounds so raw, so painful that you wish to abandon everything and run to him. Had life not been this harsh to you, perhaps you would. Perhaps you’d have enough courage to believe that love can suffice for everything. 

“I came back to Seoul because my mother was sick. I thought…maybe it would bring us close again. But I think now that I came back just to meet you, Hyunjin.” His name falters, slipping from your lips in a stuttered breath.

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice cracking, “thank you for making me happy.”

The call ends, and you fall to your knees in the snow, finally surrendering to the grief tearing through you. Sobs wrack your body, raw and relentless, so fierce it feels as if your heart might just stop, as if you’ve become nothing but an ache, a bruised, throbbing mass of memories, pulsing with each thought of him.

Is this enough for you? you want to scream at whatever cruel hand pulling the strings of your fate. Has my suffering finally paid the debt of my existence— for both me and him? 

… 

You’ve come to understand that the expanse of human emotions is boundless, as vast and unknowable as the space that holds the universe. And with each passing day, it feels as if another star dies within you, its light dimming slowly, far from rebirth.

You once thought your heart had grown accustomed to grief—your life spent in mourning: parents you wished you had, love you wished had dared, even just once, to find you.

But mourning the happiness Hyunjin brought is something else. It’s a different kind of ache, not like the eruption of a volcano that fades into a quiet resigning. This pain lingers, dull and relentless, day after day, a wound that refuses to close, a pulse that never stills.

It has been a month since your fateful call. Hyunjin first sent you a bouquet of white roses, with a note nestled within—To the one who made me find love again, I will love you until my last breath.

You didn’t reply, but Hyunjin kept sending bouquets, each one arriving with a message that tore at your heart a little more than the last. I am thinking about you often; please think of me, too. As if you could do anything but that. If I am to exist in only one place, let it be in your mind.

You’ve hung each note on the fridge, their words staring back at you every morning as you make your coffee, exactly the way Hyunjin likes it.

Sometimes, you’d let the water run, overflowing in the coffee maker as you read his words again and again. Then, you’d catch a glimpse of your own distorted reflection on the water’s surface, wondering what it would feel like to drown in the sea, to let the liquid fill your lungs and wash over you.

But you never let the thought linger too long, chasing it away with the hum of a song. You know it will only lead you somewhere scary.

After three, maybe four months, the bouquets eventually stopped arriving. Hyunjin had surely grown tired of your silence.

The heart is no rigid thing; it doesn’t stay frozen in one place. It stretches and contracts, bleeds, then patches itself together again. But you hadn’t done much to heal it—truthfully, you hadn’t believed you deserved to feel good once more.

Then month five came, and there was no time left to dwell on anything. A strange relief, you thought, for a mind like yours, that never quite stops turning, even in sleep. Graduation loomed on the horizon, and you were terrified of your efforts going to waste, of them somehow never being enough to set you apart.

But one night, your professor placed her hand on your shoulder, her gaze warm as it met yours. Suddenly, you felt seven years old again. “I think you could be this generation’s prima ballerina assoluta, she said—absolute first ballerina, the best of the best. 

“Really?” you whispered, hardly breathing, and she nodded. “Yes, if you keep going this way, you will be.”

You thought about calling Hyunjin to share the news, but quickly brushed the thought aside. Instead, you spent the night picturing his reaction. It was pathetic, maybe, but you liked to believe he would’ve said he was proud of you, called you angel, kissed the tip of your nose, his eyes crinkling into half-moons. You fell asleep with his words murmured on your lips, as if they’d been real.

Month six rolled in, then seven. You had been keeping tabs on Hyunjin’s name as the Olympics approached. There has been news of him wanting to attempt a quadruple axel spin— forty-four years after the triple one. An automatic win, some would say.

You knew that if anyone could do it would be hyunjin.

You wondered if he too read the articles released about your performances. Did he smile at them, his sweet dimple surging forth? Or did your name sting him, like droplets of acid falling into an open wound? 

Month eight arrived, genuine joy weaving into your life once more. You took your final bow on the polished stage of Juilliard, the roaring applause ringing in your ears for days to come. You had the highest performance score of the history of the institution. Your professor’s eyes then searched yours— “where do you see yourself now? where would you feel happiest?”

Hyunjin’s arms. You almost said. Barely holding yourself. 

“I don’t know. I think I’ll try at operas. I want to perform the white swan there.”

“Then go to opéra garnier in Paris. I have a friend there. Talk to him, feel it out.”

You had almost kissed her cheek right there and then. Not only because the Opéra Garnier had been your childhood dream but because now, Paris was where the Olympics would be held.

You now had an excuse to be there. 

You kept looking for Hyunjin in every monument you visited. In the hush of night by the Louvre, along the quiet flow of the Seine, in the gentle strokes of Monet’s paintings at Musée de l’Orangerie. What would you do if you met him on a random street in Paris?

Thankfully, or unfortunately, you still hadn’t decided, you never had to find out. You didn’t see him.

It is the men’s singles day at the figure skating Olympics, and somehow, you feel more nervous than in all your own performances combined. You’re seated close to the ice, close enough to feel the chill radiating from it, close enough to capture every detail of the performances.

Then Hyunjin steps onto the ice. If not for your seat, you might have collapsed, your knees a mass of useless ground bones. 

He’s dazzling—achingly, excruciatingly beautiful. His hair falls longer now, delicate strands brushing his forehead like a prince out of a fairytale. His outfit is pure white, adorned with emerald diamonds cascading like droplets of light. Instinctively, you reach for the emerald ring on your finger too. 

Your gaze follows him everywhere, drinking in the sight of him tipping his head back in laughter, his nose crinkling as he talks to Jihyoun, every stretch, every step, every quiet act of his being. 

He was still as lovely, still as beautiful as you have always known him. 

You wonder if he’s thinking of you, too, as his eyes flutter shut before his music begins. What image knits behind his eyelids in that instant?

It has always been his face for you. 

The air buzzes with anticipation, thick with belief and doubt alike as everyone knows what Hyunjin is attempting tonight. All eyes follow him as he skates, tracing wide circles across the ice, bending low to the ground, spinning in perfect arcs.

Then, he launches into the air.

The seconds seem to trickle by as slowly as blood droplets rushing to a dying heart. You see it— one spin, planets orbiting around the sun, aching to inch closer to the warmth. 

Two spins— seconds marching forward to catch up with the next ones in a ticking clock. 

Your breath freezes in your throat, your hands grip the chair so much your knuckles turn as white as the roses hyunjin sent you after you parted ways.

Three spins— fireflies dancing around the light, drawn to it like milky stars.

And then he does it.

His fourth and final spin— your heart orbiting around Hyunjin as he achieves his dream, as he breaks the world record he long yearned for.

You fall back in your seat, a rush of relief loosening the tension in your body as the crowd erupts into thunderous applause. Unbelievable is the word on everyone’s mouths. 

But not on yours.

Your Hyunjin did it, like you knew he would. 

Tears gather in your eyes as he stares at the scoreboard, his gaze fixed, waiting, breath held alongside every other skater. 

Hyunjin’s name comes first. 

He collapses to his knees, the weight of his victory pressing down his body, finally breaking him open. Jihyoun rushes over, cradling him, shaking him, laughing, “You did it, Hyunjin! You did it, son!” The tears won’t stop rushing down your face; they have a life of their own now.

You watch as Hyunjin circles the audience, waving at the crowd cheering his name. He drifts closer to your section, his eyes scanning the sea of faces until, finally, he finds yours. 

The world stills, you force the earth to stop spinning to have this one moment with Hyunjin. You lock onto his gaze, holding it, savoring the way his lips form your name.

Then, as if pulled by a force greater than either of you, he climbs over the stands, moving swiftly across the seats until he reaches you. In an instant, his arms are around you, his head buried in the crook of your neck. “Yn, I…” he chokes, and you nod, whispering, “I know. You did it, Hyunjin.”

“I did it, Yn,” he echoes, his voice trembling. He pulls back to look at you, his hands resting on your shoulders, both oblivious to the flash of cameras, the seas of people flocking around you. 

No one here could ever understand what this moment means to him. No one but him—and you.

As he takes his place on the podium, tears shimmer in Hyunjin’s eyes akin to the reflection of the sun across the sea. He bites his lip, struggling to hold it together as the bronze and silver medals are awarded. Then the official steps forward, gold medal in hand. Hyunjin extends his shaking hands, watching as the ribbon drapes over his head, at long last. 

Suddenly, the past eight months of heartache are justified. You would endure it all again, twice over, if it led to Hyunjin having this moment. 

“Miss Juilliard,” Hyunjin says softly as he meets you by the door. He had asked Jihyoun to tell you to wait for him. Jihyoun seemed happy to see you once more. 

Hyunjin is different now than he was twenty minutes ago, when he threw himself into your arms, overcome by emotions too vast to name. Now, he stands before you, more composed, more guarded, though his gaze remains tender. He’s never been able to hide his eyes from you.

“Congratulations on your win,” you say.

“Congratulations on your graduation.”

He knows.

In that moment, you see it all—the two paths unfurling before you. You could smile at him and he would smile back. Then you would part ways. And you would meet again, in a ceremony of some kind. And he would have grown only more beautiful, and the ache would have not softened. And his loving gaze would set on someone else but you.

Or, you could speak now.

“I made some tiramisu back at my Airbnb,” you say, your voice tentative. “Would you like some?”

Hyunjin’s shoulders stiffen, a debate flickering in his eyes. Then he exhales softly. “Of course.”

You sit side by side in the uber. His phone keeps lighting up with congratulatory messages until he switches it off.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, feeling the need to break the silence. He tenses beside you.

“For what?”

“For stealing you away.”

His shoulders relax. “Don’t apologize. I wanted to come.”

The apartment you rented is small—studio-sized, really, but near Montmartre, where you’ve loved taking nightly walks by Sacré Coeur. Hyunjin slips off his shoes, placing them next to yours by the door.

For a moment, you both pause, staring at the sight of your shoes, side by side, once more.

He clears his throat as you gesture for him to make himself comfortable. He moves to the window, gazing at the city below, while you retrieve two plates, carefully setting a slice of tiramisu on each.

“Thank you,” he says softly when you hand him his plate. But neither of you takes a bite. It’s as if opening your mouth would lead to a torrent of words escaping, ones neither of you can contain. 

He yields first.

“You came,” he whispers, glancing over at you.

“I couldn’t miss seeing you win.”

“I missed you,” he says, biting his lip. Hyunjin has always been honest, especially when it comes to you. “It hurt a lot to miss you, Yn.”

“I’m here tonight.” 

Your words settle into the air as the hum of the world outside fades away. Hyunjin’s gaze, sharp and knowing, meets yours—those piercing eyes that have always stripped away your defenses, reading between the lines of your every unspoken thought.

He holds your gaze for a beat too long, and you fumble for your fork, needing something—anything—to diffuse the weight of what lingers in the silence between you.

Then, suddenly, his lips meet yours.

Kissing Hyunjin again feels like breathing in after being starved of air, like a cool breeze caressing your skin on a scorching day. A shiver spreads through you as he gently lowers you onto the couch, his body a pressing weight above you. Your hands find their way to his back, moving with the instinctive ease of muscle memory, while he kisses you with the fierce urgency of someone who’s finally tasted salvation. 

You wish to never part from him. You wish for your body to liquefy and morph into the hot rush of blood within his veins— anything so you wouldn’t have to part from him once more. You don’t think you can handle it. You don’t think you can lose Hyunjin again. You know you can’t.

When he pulls back, his cheeks are flushed a soft pink, like fresh dahlias, his eyes glossy and filled with something unspeakable as they trace over your face. “Tell me, Yn,” he breathes, “do you still love me? I need to know, please. It’s been tearing me apart.”

“I love you,” you say, with every bit of honesty you can muster. “I loved you before I even knew what love is, and I will love you, Hyunjin. Whether you are near or not. I will always love you.”

A breathtaking smile unfolds across his face, warm enough to thaw every frozen corner of your heart, to make decades of loneliness melt away. You would endure it all again, face the heartbreak and the grief. Fall at your sister’s grave and repent once more. You’d do it all if it means your path will cross with Hyunjin.

“I was always ever yours to love.” 

Epilogue. 

Hyunjin has always felt as if he has lived many lifetimes at once. Like a serpent, shedding its skin, he had lost parts of his being in various places. Some he managed to retrieve, others not. He had a lot to learn, overwhelmed by certain things past. His thoughts weren’t always kind. His hands didn’t always sweep gently against his skin. 

But on days like those, you were there to love him. He had learned and unlearned many things with you. Hyunjin had found that love wasn’t a sharp emotion, it didn’t slice away at the heart, it didn’t puncture. There were no sharp edges when it came to you. Even if he lost you along the way, he would round up a corner and find you there. 

And he did. Hyunjin found you, even when you didn’t wish to be found. You scurried from place to place, set foot into Paris to Seoul, Alexandria and New York. The distance lessened then widened. But it never tore you apart once more. Your souls were satiated in a way. You could rest side by side now. 

And you did, as you settled in Seoul, decades down the road. Where both you and Hyunjin built a new training center. Figure skaters on the first floor, ballerinas on the second. The days passed by in happiness, laughter and giggles. There was no curse. No punishment. Not anymore. 

You are in a graveyard once more. You watch as Hyunjin sweeps the name atop the tombstone gently. Prima ballerina assoluta, he reads, the swan of my heart. His weathered hands shake as they clutch a bouquet of fresh red lilies, and your heart still aches at the sight. 

It is late at night at the graveyard, the branches are still humming to one another, like a melancholic flute. You understand now that they speak to the buried ones. “Not so long now,” they reassure, “your loved ones will follow.”

You believe them, and you will wait. For now, you’ll find solace in the red lilies sitting atop your grave. 

They are now meant for you, at long last. 

[just-jordie-things]

hello hello!!!!! hope ur having a good day <33

I wanted tk know if i could ask some hcs about jjk charcters (preferably inumaki and yuuta but any you want/feel like will do too!!) with a dancer s/o?? or someone who just really likes dancing and dances often. Perhaps asks them to dance with them??

Feel free to ignore it if it's not to your taste!! tyvm 🥰🥰

this is so cute but also i'm not a dancer so bear with me for some of this ok? :) dance related brainrots comin right up!!!

gojo satoru hates slow dancing. he's got nothing against bopping around to a song that's been stuck in the head, or when the rest of the club is feeling it... but ballroom dancing? slow dancing? no way. for one, it's so cheesy he could die of embarrassment. for two- he doesn't have the time to slow down that much. but for some reason, when you're playing that pretty slow song you like while doing the dishes, you catch him passing by and holding out your hand, his feet are carrying him over to you without question. but you're smiling as you wrap your other hand around his neck and pull him close. his hand finds purchase on your hip just as naturally as he'd walked over to you, and before he knows it, you're slowly rocking around in a lazy circles in your kitchen. it's all against his will, of course. it's some spell you've put on him that brings him to pull you closer and spin you like you're his princess- which you are- and cradle your head lovingly against his chest. ___

okkotsu yuuta has never tried his hand at dancing before. but then he finds you one day in one of the training rooms and you're not wearing your usual workout attire, no, today you'd decided on a slimming black leotard and pale pink tights and as his eyes travel and see a pair of ballet flats on your feet he can't help but laugh a bit. you? ruthless, nunchuck weilding, you, do ballet? you scoff at his laughter, and tell him that it actually helps to keep you limber, and balanced- all in all a better sorcerer. after some back and forth on other methods to keep you flexible, you decide to put him to the test. as it turns out, yuuta can't back down from a dare, and just like that you're guiding him through the different positions. it doesn't take long for him to realize that ballet while elegant is not easy. you work him hard for the next few hours, but at least he gets to dance with you up close and personal while you teach him ballet. and hey, maybe he'll stick with the method. ___

inumaki toge loved watching you dance. you danced all the time, and everywhere. you're doing chores? you've got headphones on and you're bopping all over the place. cooking? you're shaking our hips and mixing up a delicious smelling pot with an extra flair to your stirring. he's watched you dance around while pushing a cart at the supermarket. he assumes there must always be a beat stuck in that pretty head of yours, something to make you want to boogie. it's cute! but it's even cuter when you make him dance with you. sometimes you ask him, giving him your best puppy dog eyes and beckoning him over with your swinging hips. but even better is when you just grab him and make him join you. by his hand, by his belt loop, by the back of his neck, sometimes you just don't have the patience to wait for an answer, you need a dance partner now! no biggie, toge's never turned down a chance to swing you around in his arm or twirl and dip you dramatically... even if you are dancing to oldies in the laundromat. ___

kamo choso had never really danced before... at all. so when you find yourselves at a small event with other sorcerers, and people start to fill the open space to dance to the soft live music, you seize an oppurtunity. you can tell he's uncertain and a bit lost when he's watching people couple up to dance together, so you take his drink out of his hand, placing it aside with yours, before you take his hand again. "choso, do you want to dance?" it's so sweet he wouldn't dare refuse your offer- not when the idea of holding you close and having you hold him too makes his heart stutter in his chest. you're already starting to pull him with you to the outskirts of the makeshift dance floor when he mumbles "i don't- i've never really done this before" and you have to bite your cheek to stifle your laughter at the innocent statement. you don't have to say the words i'll show you how, he gets the gist when you place his hands at your hips. you're not doing much, just swaying side to side, moving in slow circles, and you both stay pretty far from the other dancers... but he loves it. he loves everything about it, from holding you, and getting to see how much you light up from the simple action. he hopes this event goes late into the evening, so he has every excuse to keep doing this with you.

[harmonysanreads]

giving many kisses to 🕯️anon for their neuvillette masterpiece xx If 🕯️anon has anymore thoughts on yan!neuvillette, I’m begging for more. please allow me to add my own brainrots in the conversation <3

Imagine if neuvillette put on trial someone from a foreign nation. Maybe a sumeru scholar traveling to fontaine for their thesis or a liyuean opera trope performer recently gifted a trip to fontaine. someone deeply engrained with their nation’s culture.

Only to be imprisoned under false charges all under neuvillette’s direction. Once under false charges, they’ll never be allowed to leave fontaine again, either imprisoned and under guard or in debt in neuvillette and reliant on his word to maintain their innocence.

Imagine being forced into a perpetual cycle of Fontaine’s latest fashion trends, their old thin silky robes being traded for layers and layers of billowy skirts. To engage in daily rigid suffocating etiquette every second rather than the causal and loose atmosphere of their home. Listening to fontaine’s ballet and opera rather than Nilou’s free spirited dancing or traditional Liyuean opera.

All the cultural whiplash and rigid etiquette of both neuvillette and the public watching their every move with no support, no family would break anyone.

Perhaps while they feel as if they are alone, burning the midnight oil to polish over a mistake neuvillette harshly critiqued earlier, they hum a little melody. Something reminiscent of their homeland, a lullaby passed down from parent to child. Humming turns into small sobs until their tune is a cohesion of broken choking and nostalgic memories, crumbling under the weight of neuvillette’s now very present shadow next to their desk.

They say, home is where the heart is and you've never resonated with a sentence more in your life.

Before, the meaning of home used to be simple, mundane, something you wouldn't even consider that gravely. Home used to be the buzzing of the busy populace at the ports and streets, it used to be dishes dashed with spices of all kinds, it used to be the reassurance of familiar faces. These blurs of happenstances once made your heart flutter with solace, solace that home was at your fingertips. Now, they only torment you with regret for not cherishing them more — because as it is, humans only understand the value of something once that has been snatched away.

Your ears almost don't pick up the soothing hushes leaving Neuvillette's lips, his arms pressing you further in his embrace. Your tears stain his night-robe but he doesn't seem to mind. You allow it as well, your mind too broken to think, your body too numb to push and your being too desperate to let go of this gesture of affection. You should be furious at him for the things he's done, you should scream, kick, curse, hit —and he'd agree that you wouldn't be guilty of that. Normally, he'd take initiatives to harshly criticize this ungraceful behavior and then the lengthy programs to correct it and it'd go on and on til one of you broke (it's always you).

Even when Neuvillette initiates affection, it's never to actually comfort you. They're delivered as rewards because you followed his wishes. But at this night while the rest of Fontaine slumbers and you break, his arms feel secure for once. So you don't struggle and let him coo and hold you tight, you wonder if he adjusts his intentions precisely because you offer no resistance.

Your words sink in his clothes, only a ‘I want to go home’ escapes with enough coherence for it to catch the judge's attention. He lifts your face up to meet his gaze, fingers brushing away stray tears.

“You are at home, this is your home now.” you expected the words to be plain and stern, but they come off as whispers as well. You would've known even if he didn't bother to say, because he's inscribed them in your heart time and time again and tonight, at last, you've accepted it.

[caitlynmeow]

How is wife as a parent, as a daughter-in-law, as a sister-in-law ? I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HER !!! My brainrot is back 😅. Also have a good week-end

no worries anon!! i got you with some headcanons :D

i hope your weekend was a good one too!! <3

As a parent:

unlike Cassandra, she doesn’t come from a big close knitted family but she sees how close Cass is with her mom and sisters and she got used to it

Sure, when she proposed, she was fully expecting to have children because she’s also all about starting a family with the woman she loves.

She was absolutely sick with worry when Cass was pregnant because she couldn’t see her feeling so sick and tired all the time.

She did extensive research on every single week because while she wasn’t pregnant she wasn’t going to let Cass go through this on her own, she read about every single detail and was ready for everything and provided Cass with as much comfort as she could offer

She is very involved with her children although she has come to accept some things she wasn’t sure about at first.

She thought she’d take and watch her kids play soccer because this is what little kids do but by the age of ten Aurelia had done nothing related to sports and Adelina, being more adventurous tried to play some soccer with a coach and wife realized that her eight year old has never kicked a ball before this moment and she can tell because her daughter didn’t have a single clue how to kick the ball but she kept trying anyway

She loves taking her kids to other activities though, she loves watching them do other things (ballet, gymnastics, and figure skating) she scored herself points when her daughters showed interest in water and she totally used their giant pool to teach all three how to swim and dive.

She spoils her kids but also knows when a line needs to be drawn. She’s less prone to exploding like Cass does but even she has her limits that her children try to avoid pushing.

She is super involved in their lives and regularly attends school meetings with other parents (Cass thought she’d do it but she can’t control her mouth around other parents so it was decided that she is not suited for playing nice around others who piss her off)

She didn’t think she’d get like that, but wife knows the names of all of her daughters’ toys and who’s having beef with who

Tea parties? Sure, she’ll force her 6’3 body into folding in a toddler dining table set because her children went out of their way to make her a handwritten invite and there is no way she’s going to reject that.

She loves reading bedtime stories to the little tots and even when they got older they still loved listening to those stories

She isn’t above dad jokes which always gets her eye rolls and groans from her victims

Daughter in law:

she knew if she wanted to get anywhere with Cass she needed Alcina on her side because Cassandra adores her mom

Luckily, under all of the hard exterior, Alcina is a very loving mother and she’s very warm and affectionate with her daughters.

Also, Cass is very close with her mother so being on Alcina’s good side is a must if she wants to have this woman

It wasn’t very hard, actually. Alcina was doubtful of her, but wife is confident and assertive, she doesn’t care how it sounds, if Alcina wants to know her intentions, she will declare them loud and clear

Actually, she and Alcina see eye to eye in a lot of things and Cass often hates it and throws in “Are you on my side or her side?” But wife is there to remind her that her safety and well-being are of utmost importance and this is how it’s going to be

Thanks to her being part of House Dimitrescu, wife soon got accustomed to drinking wine (because Alcina would have disapproved of her if she didn’t drink the beverage)

She’s assertive and isn’t afraid of Cass at all which is why Alcina knows her daughter is in good hands because someone is there keeping an eye on her and not taking any of her complaints seriously (to a degree at least)

Cassandra knows it's very suspicious when her wife and mom are together talking because she’s seen this enough times to know it’s not always a good thing for her (because they're always plotting against her which is not fair)

Alcina actually likes wife; she believes she’s the right person for Cassandra and she can see how happy and content her daughter is with this woman.

When wife wanted to come to propose she told Alcina first. She told her where they were going and what she was doing and the entire thing seemed to be planned with Cassandra in mind because it was very private and intimate and that’s when Alcina knew this woman was the one for her daughter because she knew Cass so well (she didn’t show it tho because gotta keep wife on her toes)

All in all, Alcina loves her daughter-in-law because she can see the happiness on her daughter's face and she knows that she’s the right person for Cassandra and she is happy with that. Alcina might be dramatic but she can totally accept a lover who makes any of her daughters happy and wife is no exception

Another thing that Alcina noticed is that whenever wife is staying out of town, she always always drops Cass off at the castle because she doesn’t want her to be alone in their house (even after having kids this one thing never changed) because there is no way Cass is going to be left in her own in a big house nope nope nope she’s going to stay with her mama and sisters and when wife comes back she will pick her up and they go home together

Sister in law:

generally, she gets along well with Bela and Daniela.

She respects Bela and they get along surprisingly well

They also see eye to eye on some things so there is very little conflict

When she is unsure of something, she always runs it by Bela and takes her feedback into account (especially when it comes to Cassandra)

She views Daniela as the annoying little sibling who gets a kick out of being a pain in everyone’s ass

Daniela is actually a pain in the ass most of the time

However, Daniela is the one who schemes and plans for things.

During the few hiccups early on in their relationship and their near breakup twice? Daniela plotted on how to bring Cass and wife back together again.

Because Daniela is a hopeless romantic reading countless novels in the genre has given her IDEAS.

That’s why wife can’t really be too annoyed at her and lets her get away with A LOT.

Daniela LOVES being annoying, she really does get a kick out of it.

Wife is actually glad that Cassandra is close with her sisters because if Cassandra is happy, then wife is happy.

As with Alcina, wife is spending a lot of time in the castle being around everyone, and with time she gets used to it.

Because loving Cassandra and wanting to be with her forever means being around her family and they’re not bad at all.

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love! <3

Oh my gosh 5 is a lot! This is so sweet and I can't wait to pass it on. I like all my fics that I have posted or I would never finish editing them, but I do have favorites.

1. I mean my favorite overall is my fic Backhoe which I think is both technically speaking more ambitious than most of my stuff and also very personally dear to me for all kinds of reasons. I have a few chapters that I think landed flat, and if I had infinite time to tinker, things I would improve. But a couple of the chapters are, in my opinion, the absolute best shit I have ever written. In some ways the areas I don't like are a compliment because I think that fic is worth some serious investment and thinking critically about themes and whatnot because I just adore it.

2. I actually really like my fic The Charming Man because it's so different than my other stuff, I am not saying I nailed all the tropes but I really enjoyed playing with the spy world. I have always loved the concept of a character falling in love with a spy as a regular person and getting caught up in their spy world and then holding their own as a civilian. It is such a delightful trope. Having small Steve being the hero mainly by using utterly mundane competency like being good at spreadsheets and really quick to hit the elevator button and generally knowing where in a cubicle office layout you could find a bandaid is a dynamic I adore. It was a huge challenge, but in the good way, for me to try and do my own version.

3. I like my short fic "Take Me Anywhere" in part because Bucky is a ballet dancer, and guhhh speaking of things I like. But I feel like that fic accomplishes a lot in relatively few words which is honestly hard for me. Everything I write ends up super long which is not a compliment. It's a real art that I admire, possibly because I am bad at it, to write something short that carries weight and depth and an arc, and so many fic writers are fucking incredible at it. More isn't always more as we all know.

4. History of American Capitalism started off as something so self indulgent when I was in an absolutely profoundly bad place mental healthwise. I was so sure that everyone else would think it was the dumbest thing anyone on the planet ever shoved into the world. I was initially sooo embarrassed to share it. But in fact it's my most popular fic, which is kinda funny. It ended up completely by accident being halfway a memoir of my college experience, with many things very different but funny things like the layout of their apartment was based on the layout of one of my college apartments, stuff like that. Also the dead mom and having panic attacks at the idea of falling in love because it makes you vulnerable. Also having the fear that every one you love will die but then you end up self sabotaging in your attempt and severely harming people you love in your twisted brains attempts to protect yourself.

I also enjoy exploring the concept of celebrity which I do in a few fics but it's an interesting concept given my interest (brainrot) for these famous people who, to be clear I don't want to actually know and date, honest, but what could it look like to have a "normal person" be in a relationship with a famous person and have it be equal?

Haha it's also very cheerful and light hearted despite that description.

5. Probably Monoclonius because dinosaurs! 🦖🦕 And I was recently in DC for work and it is a bit of a love letter to the city. I don't know if the chapter where Bucky and Sarah ride on the metro together on their little adventure is actually a perfect chapter, but it is perfect to me. And I will always be proud of how everyone describes that fic as wholesome and innocent and tender and sappy and yet it is like wall to wall sex scenes at points. Me and my wholesome, earnest smut.

[winvyre]

OC-tober But I Have No Prompts And Just Do Whatever I Want: Day 16

SUPER LONG POST!!!!

Originally my version of a Glitter Force series (that show altered my brain chemistry), a combination of three total generations and various artistic outputs of general magical girl brainrot has produced [Magical Girl Show].

From left to right (Name/Alias): Elodie/Peony, Adita/Cirque, Megha/Sukha, Imani/Lemondrop.

Each girl's design is based on her insecurities and interests (it goes with the whole "magic comes from the heart lore). All the good stuff is under the cut!

Protagonists:

Elodie had to grow up too fast and she likes gardening so her theme is flower. She was placed in a caregiver role when she was pretty young because her mother fell ill, her father isn't very paternal (he's always away on business, only ever dropping in occassionally to buy back his kids' affection with gifts or mailing in a check to cover expenses. He also cheated on his wife after she got sick and has a secret second family he prefers), and she has two younger siblings who need to be taken care of. The outfit also takes inspiration from classic ballerinas because she used to love ballet but had to quit to have more time so she started gardening as a close-to-home way of coping. Elodie chooses the name Peony because her mom had a prized peony bush in the front yard that sparked her love for gardening.

At first Elodie only participates because Adita begged her (Adita was once one of Elodie's bullies) but she realizes she feels empowered being a magical girl and a genuine friendship starts blossoming between them (but beware the lingering resentment). Her weapon is a rake that she uses like a combat staff and flies on like a witch would with a broom.

-=+=-

Megha was always the happy-go-lucky, bubbly, optimist type. When her parents divorced and she had to move away from her community, she kept a smile on her face even as she was consumed by depression and crippling loneliness. The more she overcompensates the worse she feels but she can't face her darkness or she'll fall apart. She'll pop like a bubble (her theme!) Megha chooses the name Sukha as a nod to her Hindu culture and as a wish to feel all right again.

Being a magical girl distracts Megha from her bad thoughts and gives her a friend group to hang out with. She may be on good terms with pretty much everyone but she isn't really close with anyone until she bonds with her team but then we get to have "are we really friends or do we just hang out because we're forced to" angst. She does gain a girlfriend in Elodie by the end. Her weapon is a giant bubble wand that summons giant bubbles for capture/containment or she can sit/stand and float on them (only Megha can touch them without becoming trapped).

-=+=-

Shamefully, Imani is not as developed as the other characters. I can't even seem to get her transformed design right. Here's what I do have: Imani has self worth issues and struggles with feelings of envy. She's "sour," like her theme of lemon, after living in her older sister's shadow. She was Adita's best friend when they were little. Her reason for accepting magical girl duty? Partially Imani wants to reconnect and partially being told she's special makes her feel good. Her weapon is the soda cans attached to the belt on her dress which she can pull the tab off of and throw and they'll explode like a grenade but it's more like a shockwave than fire and death. The tabs can then be used as throwing stars.

-=+=-

Adita is the main character.

Groundbreaker (the mallet) chooses Adita to carry on Blanc's legacy then won't let her discard it, reappearing nearby every time she tries to get rid of it. The bad guys won't leave Dita alone because she has Groundbreaker. Unless she's chill with dying, she kinda has to fight back. Even though she's resistant at first, eventually, being the "chosen one" goes to her head so she gets unchosen until she stops being a jerk.

Adita feels the need to perform for others so her theme is circus/carnival. She has to do well in school and activities and act strong through her chronic pain so she doesn't bother anyone with her "neediness." Her parents put a lot of pressure on her and they don't understand yet that her pain just won't go away. It's constant.

"But who is Blanc?"

I'm glad you asked! But first, the magic system and other internal logic because I'm an info-dumping fiend!

Setting & Magic System:

Transformations are done via sticker.

In the original pilot, this is only used on the Demises (bad guys' monster of the week that replaced Bafoons. They were inanimate objects turned evil and when they activated they created an arena with invisible walls to hide the destruction from onlookers and a magic time loop to reset the damage when that arena disappeared) and the magical girl transformation is done via Glitter Pact (because I was writing a Glitter Force series).

In [Magical Girl Show], the Demises work a bit differently and the sticker catalyst applies to everyone.

-=+=-

In the unnamed Magical Girl Realm, technology was developed that allowed people to enhance their magical abilities with a sticker stuck over their heart. Because magic comes from the heart.

The sticker merely collects the magic in the world to a single spot where it can be drawn upon. The manifestation is based on the user's personality and the normally gray circle sticker changes its appearance to reflect that.

Without this sticker, magic is limited in the MG Realm and impossible on Earth.

The unnamed Big Bad modifies and abuses this technology to channel magic into unwilling participants and thus create the Demises. This kind of exploitation is why only a chosen few in the MG Realm get to be magical warriors.

-=+=-

At first, the magical warriors were general law enforcement, emergency responders, etcetera. When BBEG started manufacturing his own stickers and dishing them out to his followers (like the goons who are in a perma-transformed state) and started his takeover, they became actual warriors who fought the darkness. The war was long and destructive but Blanc was able to defeat the BBEG and seal the darkness away using Groundbreaker.

When, centuries later, the war restarted and the MG Realm fell to the BBEG, some of the people fled to Earth which is how three stickers ended up there. The immigrants settled down, started families, and now, fifty years later, they must pass on their knowledge to a new generation of magical girls so that their stickers can be used to end the war once and for all.

A warrior can relinquish their sticker and set it back to a neutral state wherein it is no longer connected to their heart (after being activated for the first time, the stickers are connected to the user no matter how far apart they are as long as that user has magical girl potential).

Blanc never relinquished her sticker, so it never went back to neutral. This is why Adita cannot transform for most of the story. (Blanc is not wholly dead either and death counts as a form of relinquishment)

A part of Blanc's soul is in Groundbreaker, which is how a mallet can choose a holder, so Adita is using Blanc's magic when she fights. This is until some milestone happens and Blanc is finally put to rest (you can stop trying to please everyone now, sweetie) and Groundbreaker changes appearance to coincide with Adita's new alias as Cirque. (The hammer becomes the sticker because the transformation is no longer active but the hammer comes back once Adita transforms because the reason why she was chosen in the first place is because of how similar she and Blanc are.)

And now we can get into who Blanc is!

Blanc:

Blanc was one of the first of the ancient magical girls who were a part of the warrior generation. And she was by far the most powerful. She was the one who sealed away the BBEG with Groundbreaker which is why the goons want it: because they think the only weapon that can free their master is the same one that defeated him.

Blanc's costume takes more inspiration from old French mimes rather than Cirque's colorful Carnival vibe. This ties the two together through a common theme as well as distinguishes them. Blanc is more of the strong, silent type, whereas Cirque is a bit more flashy.

Blanc's signature move was called "Cirque du Blanc." This is the origin of Adita's magical girl alias name. The move involved a mass duplication of Blanc, the copies of which would run about doing acrobatics. But not just for show, the copies would also work to take down the enemy. It symbolizes Blanc's feelings of wishing for assistance but not trusting anyone except herself to do the job.

Adita hears Blanc's voice in her head or hallucinates her ghost occassionally as she guides her down the path she wants for her. We get to play around with the chosen one trope, too! Blanc choses Adita but Adita doesn't want to be chosen, then Adita choses herself but Blanc unchoses her, how will it end? Does being "chosen" really matter? What does that even mean? Find out next time on Dragon-

Plot:

Adita goes over to Emily (her best friend)'s place for a sleepover. Emily's grandmother owns an antique store. The girls sneak into the shop at midnight and Adita finds a black and white strongman mallet. Picking it up, she hears a disembodied laugh and decides that's a problem for someone else to deal with.

The next day the two go to the park and are ambushed by a goon who summons a Demise. People die, property is destroyed, and two women in sparkly dresses kick down the proverbial door to evacuate the civilians and curb stomp the Demise. Adita runs back to the antique shop to grab the mallet because the spooky laugh is making her ears ring.

The sparkly fighters instruct Adita on how to defeat the Demise and she does. They then pull her off to the side to exposition dump just enough for the audience to follow what happened and to spur on the next plot point of collecting teammates with the three remaining transformation stickers. Once alone, Adita rejects the magical girl responsibility and abandons the mallet but when she makes it home it's in her bedroom. This continues all weekend.

Fed up but realizing there's no escape, Adita tells Emily everything and Emily immediately begs to be a teammate. Unfortunately, she does not have magical girl potential, just like the sparkly women who helped them at the park. Still, one willing participant is better than no one even if they're comically weak. But Emily's enthusiasm and Adita's avoidance spark tension between them that will only continue to grow despite their attempts to be healthy communicators.

The next day at school, Adita thinks she finds the perfect candidates for the team so when the next attack comes she bestows two of the stickers upon them. But they were secretly goons in disguise! Adita just lost two stickers!

She demands Emily give back the sticker she lent her for safe keeping and emergencies right after Emily helped her defeat the Demise and calmed her down after her mistake. Adita says he needs a "real teammate." Emily is upset but complies.

The only other person Blanc sensed had potential was Elodie. But they don't exactly have the... best... relationship. Adita begs Elodie to join her when she uses Groundbreaker to bust open a portal to the MG Realm to get the stickers back and Elodie agrees on the basis of "I was in the park that day and if this stops the end of the world I guess I'll come along."

They steal the stickers back and Elodie asks to keep hers when they return to Earth which Adita is more than fine with but when Emily finds out she's super salty. She still hangs out with Dita though.

Megha is the new girl and people really seem to like her. They keep calling her "Megan" which she doesn't appreciate but it's whatever. Adita has been trying to figure out how to tell her that she's one of the few people capable of saving the world but that's a weird way to introduce yourself.

-=+=-

That's all I've got for now. I have some plot points that need to happen as well as a few reveals under my belt but [MGS] is still incomplete. It'd be great if I could make this into a visual novel (an animated series is likely impossible but that would be so cool) someday. Oh well. Back into the box you go, [MGS].

I once again apologize for my long, disordered, possibly crucially unfinished infodump. My need to share the stories that won't leave my brain possesses me and I am but a vessel for its yapping.

[springtimesdaughter]

Hey Annon! I apologize for not replying sooner. I was avoiding PJO for awhile because of some conflict I had with some people, but I have been working on updating my Percy Jackson/Ethan Nakamura story. It won't be out any time soon, but it's been a couple years and my writing has improved a lot, plus there are scenes I want to add and change. I've been working on it the past couple of months. The new story already having 7,000 words and not even halfway through the outline I have. I can't tell you when it will be out (I have school and a job plus family obligations that I need to focus on) but I will get this done even if it takes me another six months to finish.

Thank you for the Percy/Ethan brainrot and ideas, and they were fun to look at, I didn't reply to any of it because I'm organized to an extreame degree and decided I needed to make a side blog for my PJO stuff before I could reply. Anyway here are some of my thoughts that have been long in the making.

1. That's such a cool idea. One that is really cute and sweet but one that I won't be including in this version of the story. Maybe I'll write another one with that detail, but I'm wierd like that and would deep dive the subject and end up learning about a very specific rural tradition about one village in an isolated prefecture and get so far off track from where I started. I'll keep the idea in mind, but my version of Percy and Ethan wouldn't do this simply because on the off chance that they get caught having similar iteams they wouldn't want to risk the safety of the other. In a timeline where the circumstances weren't as dire they sure would, but in this one? They already know what they are doing is very dangerous and any more risk could upend everything. Maybe I'll explore why they don't do it in the fic? IDK depends on how my writing goes.

2. Not at first they don't. They are so awkward in the begining and honestly cautious. Ethan because this is Percy Jackson someone with sometimes incomprehendedable strengths and powers, he wants to keep some distance, and Percy because Ethan could be a threat to his family and friends and he doesn't want them to get hurt. However after they get closer and start to realize any meeting could be their last? They hug all the time, stay in the others personal space, and soak up the presence of the other like it will replenish their strength. They don't do it in more public spaces though, who knows who is watching. However in more private settings they will be inseparable.

3. Them meeting multiple times on opposing sides before the Battle of Manhatten, mostly smaller missions and sometimes by surprise. Neither wanting to hurt eachother but knowing they have to keep up appearances. A new demigod saved from a hoard of monsters deciebed it like a deadly ballet. Both precise in the way they move, but sometimes almost manic in energy and controlled chaos. It was beautiful and unnerving and the new demigod would wonder what would happen if they even fought together on the same side. Of course no one would ever see them dance on the same side but it was just as much a beauty to watch them fight against eachother.

For some context the fic annon was referencing and I wrote is

Love Amongst War

The original version was posted in 2021 but this version is from 2022 and I hope to publish a new version in 2024.

And hey Annon you can send more asks to this account! The ask box should be open. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts.

To close out here is some of the stuff that will be in the new version of the story

- Percy and Ethan often split sweet treats multiple times. Ethan always makes sure they are split exactly in half.

- Ethan opens up about the cabin ideas earlier and many of the ideas he told Percy get implemented even if Ethan never gets to see them, Percy was always listening and what mattered to Ethan mattered to Percy.

[oboes-bos-hoes]

The byler brainrot is real and taking over, so let me share some lyrics from my fave songs that give me byler vibes

links for the songs will be at the end of the post

"Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down, when they do, I'll be right behind you" - Everybody wants to rule the world by Tears for Fears

(this is gonna be a long post)

"I'd die at the thought of the loss of your heart" - Love is reason by a-ha

"I'd never mean to hurt you, baby, I'm not that kind of man; I might not say I'm sorry, yeah, I might talk tough sometimes, and I might forget the little things, or keep you hanging on the line" - I'd die for you by Bon Jovi

"Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels" - Head over heels / broken by Tears for Fears

"I've done all I can do, all the letters I've sent through; put my life in the palms of your hands, maybe now you can see, that it's got to be me, but if you leave me, I'll understand" - You are the one by a-ha (THIS LINE IS LIKE. SO MIKE WHEELER CODED??)

"Turn in my sleep, a bad dream is over, think of you and shall I ever recover?" - I want to wake up by Pet shop boys

(fun fact, the lead singer of pet shop boys, Neil Tennant, is gay :D)

(this means theres gonna be a lot of songs from them in here bc gay boi in the 80s??) (also they r my fav band/pop duo(?) so. )

'It's mad, to be in love with someone else, when you're in love with he, she's in love with me, but you know as well as I do I can never think of anyone but you" - I want to wake up by Pet shop boys (this is kinda jumbled but if u kind of like. pretend that it makes sense for byler then it makes sense so go away)

"To fall in love, is it so uncool?" - I want to wake up by Pet shop boys ("i'm not.. gonna fall in love")

"Every time I see you something happens to me, like a chain reaction, between you and me, my heart starts missing a beat" - Heart by Pet shop boys

"If I didn't love you, I would look around for someone else, but every time I see you, you have the same effect, my heart starts missing a beat, my heart starts missing a beat, every time" - Heart by Pet shop boys

"Every time I see you, no matter what we do, there's a strange reaction, can you feel it too?" - Heart by Pet shop boys

"I don't care whether it's wrong or right, I want a lover tonight" - I want a lover by Pet shop boys

"Put your arms around me, it doesn't mean you love me, just that you want me and you need my company" - I want a lover by Pet shop boys (ok Micheal we get it, its just a hug)

"I'll never let you see, the way my broken heart is hurting me, I've got my pride and I know how to hide all my sorrow and pain, i'll do my crying in the rain" - Crying in the rain by a-ha (i'll do my crying in the van rain)

"And you think love is to pray, but I'm sorry I don't pray that way" - Tainted love by Soft Cell

"But now you're leaving... How many hearts must you break? How many calls must I make? But now you're leaving... In this world, all that I choose has come unbearable, but love is in your touch, ooh, it's killing me so much, only when you leave I need to love you" - Only when you leave - Spandau ballet

"Yeah she's my man" - She's my man by Sigue Sigue Sputnik (mike wheelerr) (i'll let u figure this out, i dont wanna try make a whole point here)

"You always wanted me to be something I wasn't" - What have i done to deserve by Pet shop boys (everytime i hear this lyric i get so sad)

welp that is it for noowww but feel free to reblog with ur fav byler coded lyrics :)

SONG LINKS:

ONLY 10 AUDIOS PER POST?????? WHY?? THATS SO DUMB WTF TUMBLR

last one is She's My Man by Sigue Sigue Sputnik

[undermine-the-instinct]

i absolutely love your bard reader series! it is practically perfect, just so well written.

my only complaint would be how much detail is put into the self insert? i wish they'd be a little more,,, vague, i guess? for premium self insert fun. but i get it, their backstory does add to the story so, and it's not a big deal to me !

anywho, here are some fun ideas for bard!reader, just cause. brainrot.

-liyue: a peking operatic, maybe with a pipa or a guzheng

-inazuma: a musical rakugo(storyteller) with a shamisen

-fonatine: a steampunk rocker with their nations newest musical invention: an electric(mechanical?) guitar

-sumeru: a ghungroo dancer (the ones with the bells!), or maybe a bharatanatyam/another classical indian dance one

-snezhnaya: a ballet dancer or even a conductor that uses their elemental powers to simulate a mini orchestra

-natlan: a griot(poet, sort of) themed after anansi, an african storyteller spider god OR a native american dancer with a flute

Bard!reader does feel more like an oc, huh? They've always felt more like their own character to me, with their own story that just needs to be told. I've had their starting story in my head, from back in Monstadt, and I felt with the situation in Sumeru they'd need to lean more a certain way, personality wise, to survive. Sumeru is not welcoming, there's heavy crowd mentality, and with their backstory I'd feel they'd act and feel a certain way bc of that. So maybe it's better to read them as an oc that you're tagging along besides.

And these ideas!!!! Put under the cut bc this gets long...

But, even though I know their story from Monstadt, and Sumeru to some extent, it was hard for me to brainstorm the other nations! A peking opera singer in Liyue? That's amazing, maybe they're working under Yun Jin, like how now they're working with Nilou at the theater! Mister Zhongli is a frequent visitor, and is an amazing source of history, telling you all about the origins of the peking opera.

They probs had to stay low in Inazuma bc of the Vision hunt decree, but maybe is secretly helping the resistance by being a rakugo, with either a shamisen or guquin (chinese instrument they learned from yun jin!!) and listening in on meetings and the like. After all in 'Second Male Lead, Enter!' Our bards says,

"I had a wanderlust. Spent a lot of time in Liyue, Inazuma was pretty interesting. I spent most of my time with a felon running from the Shogunate, whom I met on a pirate ship."

What felon do we know from Inazuma, huh?

They would play and hang out Xinyan, so they recognize the rock and roll style in Fontaine and sends her and Yun Jin (and Barbara back in monstadt) post cards and photos and lots of letters promising to go on tour with them there one day. (They all formed a performers club and promised to go on world tour together one day.)

I did a little research though, and ghungroo dancers and griots both seemed tied to religious and cultural traditions. For instance griots were typically born into the role and assisted their kings, while ghungroo/ bharatanatyam dancing was restricted to temples before it became more mainstream in response to the British and Christians trying to bash and ban the arts. And I'm still doing research for the native american dancers and flute players, but that also looks cultural and particular to certain tribes and the like?? Maybe Bard!reader meets these sorts of people, helps them out and learns things from them, like meeting other characters in a quest!

Ballet is also something that takes years to learn, but our bard has some experience, so maybe they join a school in Sneznaya, and there they meet a girl named Tonia. You two become friends and she insists you come for dinner, her brother has come home to visit so mom is making a feast, there's plenty to eat!! Only she failed to mention her brother is the famed Harbinger Tartalglia, whom you met in Liyue and wouldn't. Stop. Flirting with you. He steals the food from your plate and tries to feed you off his own, and their mother jokingly asks when's the wedding. she's not joking.

There's so many cultures and so many traditions and each have their own acclaimed spot for the arts and I think that's amazing. It's so interesting to think of exploring these cultures and arts, and our bard definitely wants to explore them all. Imaging them as part of these cultures is neat too, I'm just not sure how to write them and I dont want to disrespect or demean these cultures with mediocre writing.

Thank you for all the ideas love, and thank you for enjoying my story! You've definitely given me a lot to think about, and I hope you stick along for the rest of our bards story!

[starry-night-rose]

Okay so, seeing the ballet made me have a little brainrot

Okay so I had the idea of

ITS LIKE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA BUT LIKE NOT

So Ellis is a ballerina for this ballet company and then one day, the ballet company gets funded by a mysterious stranger who only requests that a certain box seat must always be his. Ellis also starts to receive flowers after shows signed by “M.D”

ANYWAYS I LOVE BALLET AUS

Malleus probably wanted to be a ballerina but he was too tall or he had an accident that left him unable to do ballet so he just supports it financially

Oh and because he likes Ellis

[cogaytes]

hello! this is my random fandom sideblog; my main is @novaliae and i follow from there :D

name: avi/wren mainly (but also feel free to call me nova or give me other url-based nicknames!)

pronouns: they/ae/xe/star (other names and pronouns can be found on my pronouns.page)

uhhh other info: queer and nd af, east asian, haver of brainrot and writing vibes.

i am an evil little bitchTM who is overly fond of hurt/comfort as a trope, especially emotional angst. there will almost always be eventual comfort, and i will write fluff sometimes, but i will mostly be breaking each of my blorbos into tiny pieces and then haphazardly putting them back together with a gluestick. you have been warned :)

fandoms i blog about here: 

kotlc: am currently very hyperfixated on tiergan and may/may not have a doc of every single time he is referenced in the canonical novels; i will be posting a lot about tiertice + wylie, leto, and bronte.

tgl apparently: i read all five books in 25 hours. i think about sanwolfe constantly. they deserve the world and i will snatch it, still warm, from their grasping hands.

for other fandoms, follow my main :D

uhhh anyway i would like to make friends n shit! feel free to send me an ask or dm me especially if you want to talk about any of the above characters :DDD

fic masterlist:

all our demons darling, 6.3k, tgl, multichapter-in-progress, santi/wolfe-centric canon divergence 

let your warmth light the fuse, 12.3k, tgl, multichapter-in-progress (three so far), a wolfe/santi-centric angst fic that i wrote with @aphelea the beloved <3

epiphanies and declarations, 3.2k, tgl, santi/wolfe oneshot featuring keria and eventual communication for once

family remedy, 2.3k, kotlc, fluffy au where keefe is elwin’s half-brother and elwin protects him from cassius :]

inkpot gods, 3k, kotlc, very angsty oneshot where i do bad things to tiertice

bright days and velvet drawstrings, 1.9k, kotlc, mostly fluffy tiertice oneshot

always (be by my side), 1.4k, kotlc, tiertice-centric angst with a happy ending

petals and ink stains, 1.1k, kotlc, fluffy tiertice flower shop/tattoo parlor au

dried blossoms and velcro, 4.3k, kotlc, continuation of flower shop/tattoo parlor au

matchless made again, 2.2k, kotlc, angsty tiertice oneshot featuring an argument about prentice joining the black swan

just to dance with you, 2.1k, kotlc, fluffy tiertice ballet academy au, potentially a multichapter

How Prentice Endal is Forever Banned from Baking, 1.7k, kotlc, tooth-rotting domestic fluff of tiertice baking mishaps

love (and ways in which we say it), 1.5k, kotlc, a character study of tiertice and love languages

counting the days, 1k, kotlc, tiertice hurt/comfort featuring nightmares

you’ve got heart, 1k, kotlc, bronte and oralie are arospec buddies <3

on wholeness and family, 1.6k, kotlc, aro wylie coming out to his dads

brothers, 1.7k, tgl, jess & glain soft oneshot featuring brothers in more ways than one

it's the tearing sound of love notes, 1.8k, kotlc, multichapter in progress, qualden angst :)

[harmonysanreads]

@harmonysanreads how are you in this fine morning darling💖💖💖💖 the quest in star rail was so fun and epic!! I can't what in store for us in fontaine djddjssjaa.

Also I have several brainrots for the pass days while cleaning the house and organizing my dads file cabinets. Like this I do ballet and just imagine Neuvillette always coming to the theater recitals to watch us dance, also fun bit that we are fontaine's prima ballerina a well known sweetheart of fontaine!! Where all nobles fight and spend lots just to see us dance or invite us to parties to dance!

Just imagine that ballet darling finished her solo in his private booth which is directly in the center that can see everything in the stage just staring at us face stoic but a dark desire in his eyes as he claps calmly. Yan Neuvillette giving her boquets in her dressing room and praising her in front of the people.

But!!!

Ballet dancer darling underneath her sweetness and kidnes prim and proper lifestyle, she enjoys the common things in life like "oh I love the menu today! But can I eat some street foods from liyue or inazuma!" Or "Wow! I love to listen to more rock n roll music!" She's just so humble and can mingle with people lower to her status. But despite her kindness Yan neuvillette sees this as rebellion like you can't expect you to mingle with people with no class...they will influence you and you will developed thier bad habbits.

Yan Neuvillette being ballet dancer darling secret admirer/ courting them, but Ballet dancer darling is just intimidated by him and indulged him due to the fact he gives them gifts, goes to thier shows and is good friend of the family plus his power in fontaine ballet dancer darling just going through it. But if you asked them they'll rathee go undercover and watch lyney and lynette magic shows, hanging out with Charlotte or freminet heck going down to the lower class and perform for them teaching some who wants to learn to dance.

Anything than being in a room full of suffocating rich people who adheres to proper etiquette than being true to your interests because they are not "a proper becoming of a young lady/man" just Ballet dancer reader who wants to experience the common people life than neuvillette formal dates and lessons

KEEP UP WITH THE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL SPECTACULAR WORK 💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💝💝

Wish us luck because fontaine will going to drain my wallet and I'm pulling for blade and dragon dan heng djdndd

Hiii Coco!!

For Yandere!Neuvillette, I don't think he'll outright see your interest in the common lifestyle as rebellion. Initially, he'd be somewhat confused as such interest is not something he usually sees from someone of the upper class. But as he recognizes it to be humility and compassion, he's charmed furthermore. He might even use this knowledge in his courting and news flash! The Chief Justice of Fontaine is interested in charity and is donating millions of mora to the lower class? Furina is thoroughly amused and her teasings just worsen. Oh well, if he succeeds in wooing you then enduring it all will be worth it. Neuvillette tries and he really gives it his all to win your heart ‘conventionally’.

If you think you can just dodge all his advances by being polite while hoping he eventually loses interest — you're so wrong. In fact, Neuvillette will notice your discomfort regarding him very early and at first, he tries to be more approachable, amicable and charming ; if you may. He's aware of his disposition, therefore, he doesn't really blame you for being intimidated by him. If all of this effort proves to be in vain, no worries ; Neuvillette knows the exact strings to pull to get an artist compliant. Reputation takes time to build but a measly moment to be destroyed, some good ol' coercion should do and in your most vulnerable state, who else will be willing to help you?

The instance where I see him being blatantly controlling is, if your whole involvement with the common folk and lifestyle threaten your ballerina image. I presume ballerinas have a very strict diet to keep their figures, in that case, do you really think indulgences such as oily, fatty street food will be allowed by Neuvillette? The Judge has caught wind of you skipping practice to mingle with the peasants? Well guess who's going to sit there and supervise your practice session til the last second? It's not like you get any encouragement to question his involvement, however valid your complaints are. No one wants to get on Neuvillette's bad side and I suggest you don't, too.

[ next : ballerina darling falling for a commoner ]

[thefuturewithoutus]

hilson playlist anon here <3

okayyy so

leave a tender moment alone (bc.. canon)

euthanasia (ohh my god i found it through youtube last month and i cried watching the music video and then i was thinking about housdmd late at night and it popped up on my shuffleplay and i was like oh my go d it fits- i would have rec'ed it if you didn't already have it on there!)

tropic of cancer (this one wasnt an original conclusion, i got it from the music video that was going around houseblr.. anyway i love the song. im a ballet dancer also and like not to geek but that harp progression is from a pas de deux of the sugarplum fairy. gutpunch choice. to get into nutcracker lore: tchaikovsky was especially close to his sister and she died while he was composing the nutcracker (which prior to that point he didn't have much inspiration for) and it became kind of dedicated to his dead sister. most modern productions do it with a more settling ending with clara/marie/masha going back home but iirc in the original she stays in the land of the sweets. which.. an irreversible transition someone goes through. its been hypothesized that the sugarplum fairy represents womanhood (and clara cannot go back from that) OR the afterlife (which clara also cannot go back from, and tchaikovsky lost his own sister to). and also i have a kind of pavlovian response to nutcracker music at this point so i kept anticipating the descending violins after the harp progession that there is in the nutcracker music. but it's just looping. stuck in the limbo before the end. 'you can't come back / you won't come back'... and to tie it back to hilson. that amv was insane i cant even analyze it. also the fact it was written about grieving someone lost to cancer.. and the lines (got to like what kills / it kills just to know what kills).. wilson the oncologist and house not being able to do anything but accept that it's cancer and he can't swoop in and diagnose and save wilson. that was long huh)

take care (i love the sort of echoey feel to it. and 'i'll take care of you take care of you that's true'... need i say more. also beach house my beloved)

john my beloved (the whole song is so..raw. stumbling words at the bar / beauty blue eyes, my order of fries. CAN THIS BE MORE CANON. i am a man with a heart that offends / with its lonely and greedy demands. icarus point at the sun. so can we be friends sweetly before the mystery ends)

tell me you love me (my love, i've lost my faith in everything / tell me you love me anyway. canon dialogue from that car scene)

francis forever (another one on my "late night hilson brainrot + shuffle play. this gives hardcore early season 5 when house is trying to get wilson to come back)

me and my husband (but me and my husband / we are doing better / it's always been just him and me / together / so i bet all i have on that / furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime / we're sticking together / me and my husband / we're sticking together. literally what could be more hilson. theyre so codependent and in love)

and just for fun i'll make a hilson song recomendation! turtles all the way down by sammy copley. it's one of my favorite songs regardless but in the context of housemd it specifically makes me think of the whole amber-wilson-house dynamic.

anyway yeah! hopefully when i get my tumblr blog set up (long and complicated process due to my specific circumstances) i'll let you know and we can talk about house md :-)

YAY okay thank you for this response 🫶 going to do my best to respond to everything however i did just get out of class help. euthanasia literallt saddest post s8 hilson song of all time seriously 😭 ALSO? DID SOMEONE ELSE MAKE A HILSON YROPIC OF CANCER AMV? we need to link up. AND WOW... i never knew that about the harp instrumental in that song and I've been listening to it for years?? and with that context too that makes it make so much sense and even more sad ty for telling me that i'm going to be thinking about it forever probably. You get it though Tropic of Cancer destroys me actually it's one of my favorite songs ever.

no literally francis forever. have to admit my favorite type of hilson song is the one where it's pov house is pining. i gotta be real i see their relationship as wilson being the primarily giving one for a large part of it until amber then it flips. I've talked about this before but it was a huge shift for house i think it's that whole wilson fell first house fell harder like you get it.

i listened to turtles all the way down and you're so right.... so awesome i love it when house is miserable bc wilson is in a relationship helpp it's going on the playlist 🫶

[trolldaeron]

OC Spotlight

I have designed a new Warcraft OC. I just had some phoenix brainrots and I decided to draw an elf twink out of that. I think I will call him Fenissian Parhelios. As for his backstory: "He was but a little child when Quel'thalas has fallen to Arthas. For him, mana hunger was far more dangerous and most possibly deadly. In a desperate attempt to save him, his father merged his soul to a phoenix, mighty elemental capable of reincarnation. The boy returned to health, although he was still addicted to magic, even more, in fact, as mana is necessary to maintain the father's spellwork. Moreover, he inheritted certain traits of a fire elemental, like short temper and tendency to always be on the move. After the Sunwell was restored, his father decided to train him to become a magister so he would be in control of his unstable soul. Although he was not a perfectly dilligent student, he had natural talent for fire magic. Inspired by Darkmoon Faire, he decided to become a flame dancer. In his free time, he worked hard to invent perfect mixture of elven ballet, flame juggling and battle magic. After a couple of years of training the Regent Lord himself invited him to perform at his court." I think I will ship him with my naga boy.