#bad-writing

[lightlia]

Priority Needed - Wind Breaker Joker ff series

Part 1 

[more parts will be there soon]

“You know what would be cool?”

“Like what?”

Turning to face the front, “Jumping off this building right now.”

εїз

εїз Sunny High School εїз

“Hey, sis. My baby sister! You got some money on you right now? I really need some money to pay for something.” 

“No.”

“Oh, c’mon, Lily. I need some to get some movie tickets for my date.”

“With Jordan?”

“LILY, PLEASE. YOUR BROTHER REALLY NEEDS IT!”

“Call dad and get him to send money to you.”

Walking away from her brother, Dom, Lily walked to the bathroom to find Aria who told her to meet there. Lily, whose full name is Kang Nali and the younger sister of Dom Kang, had no idea why Aria wanted to meet her there because there were more locations to talk at. But whatever Aria thought to talk in secret then Lily had no objection to it.

“Hey, Aria. What do you want to talk about?” Lily asked out loud upon entering the bathroom but got her mouth covered up by Aria when she came rushing at her.

“Lower your volume. Shelly is in here and I don’t want her to know what we’re gonna talk about.”

“Mmpf mmpf mfpf?” Lily mumbled as Aria’s hand was still on her mouth which could be translated to Shelly’s in here?

“Shushhhh~~”

“Wait, I heard Lily’s voice. Lily, are you out there?” Shelly’s voice came from one of the bathroom stalls caused Aria and Lily to look at each other.

“I told you to keep it quiet when you walk in here, Lily.” Aria nagged Lily as the latter gave her a confused look before answering Shelly’s calling her.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Lily answered.

“Great, Lily. Don’t go anywhere. I need to tell you something.” Shelly responded back as the two girls outside heard her flushing down the toilet and hurrying from the inside. 

Shelly opened the door and got out with her bag in hand, stepping quickly to where Lily was standing and showed the latter what was on her phone. “You’ve gotta tell your dad what Dom has been getting on lately. I swear he doesn’t go training with all of us anymore, he goes somewhere else, skipping our routine practices.”

“Send those pictures to me; I’ll show dad about this to get more money to my bank account. Hehehe.” 

“You two are exactly the same.” Shelly uttered as she airdropped the pictures to Lily’s phone and messed her hair in the process. “Gotta go. I need to go bother someone real quick.”

She winked as Lily got what she meant and Shelly ran out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. Lily then turned back to Aria and saw that she was upset about something. “Hey, what’s wrong? You can tell me everything that bothers you.”

Aria sighed, chasing away all the bad energies surrounding her. “It’s just that Jay thinks of me as a random underclassman. Nothing more than that.”

“I’ll ask my brother what Jay thinks of you, Aria. I’m sure he wouldn’t think of you this way.”

“I tried everything to get his attention but his attention is always on the competition and Shelly. I don’t know why he wouldn’t pay attention to me even a little bit. I just want him to look at me like he looks at Shelly.” Aria cried into her arms and Lily had no other options but to console her; though she never understood the one-sided love, she felt the pain of Aria as she didn’t want her to lose herself for loving Jay when he didn’t even pay any attention to the girl at all.

Her brother was also a lovesick puppy as well; He, who had a crush on the twin sister of Minu, cried to Lily all the time about her ignoring him. He even went to sleep in her room because he said he wanted to get comfort from her. He’d been like this since they were kids, even their dad said nothing about it.

εїз Hallway εїз

“LILY!! MY BABY SISTER!! COME AND GIVE YOUR BROTHER A HUG!” Lily heard her brother yell out to her while she was on her way with Aria back to class but she guessed her brother came looking for her or something again this time. Lily watched her brother, Dom, running up to her and jumped to hug her as she couldn’t get away from him.

“LILY!! I want you to know that I always love you and I will always protect you from any harm coming your way. Trust me, my baby sister.” As Dom said that, he brushed his face with hers which to Lily who used to it already, seemed normal but to others, it looked like a creep.

Lily had to push her brother off so that everyone wouldn’t whisper so loud around them, “You gotta stop doing this when we’re in school. These people are whispering loudly among themselves.”

As she said that, Dom looked around the hallway and saw that everyone was looking at them and some had their phones up recording them like they were animals. He walked up to them and,

“Did you get good pictures of us together? Send them to me!” Dom exclaimed as he hopped around to look at others’ phones as Lily deadpanned at her brother’s excitement over their pictures being taken.

“I can’t believe we are twins.”

Minu stood next to Lily, agreeing with what she said. “People can really tell you two apart because even though you two are twins, they would know that you are you and Dom is Dom.”

“You’re just saying the same thing.”

“Right, but people from the outside wouldn’t know that you two are twins until they see you and him with your dad.”

Lily shrugged, “I rather have people not knowing me and Dom are twins than anything.”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Those three idiots keep bugging me to ask Dom to let them into The Hummingbird Crew. I told them to talk with Dom themselves but they kept bugging me until I exploded on them last week.”

εїз Last week εїз

“Please, Lily. Tell your brother to let us in too. We’re also good at cycling as well. We can do what they are doing too.” One of the three kids in her class begged her after they found her walking home with Jordan from the usual hangout with him. And they had to stop her as she wanted to go home and sleep the entire day off but these three kids had to run up to her and almost knocked her to the other side when they couldn’t stop running to her.

“What do you want? Also, did you just stalk me so that you can come and tell me to talk to my brother?”

“Not that kind of stalking. We just happened to find you here and…”

“And what? Why don’t you go and talk with him alone and not get me involved in this? WHY ARE YOU BEING A COWARD AND NOT GO TO HIM YOURSELF? I’M FUCKING TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOU BEGGING ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME WHEN YOU SHOULD’VE USED ALL THOSE TIMES TO GO TALK TO DOM!!?!”

The three guys stepped away as Lily pushed them out of the way and Jordan almost jumped to bite them but she pulled him off and went home, being so angry about it.

εїз

“You’re going home alone again, Lily?” Dom asked her as he was waiting by his bike with his friends ready to go train. He wanted to see his baby sister get out of school so that he could go train with a relaxed mind. 

“Yeah. You go and train now after I told Dad about it?” She smirked as Dom’s face turned sour after being scolded by his dad through the phone during his break time.

He laid his hand on Lily’s shoulder, “You know you don’t have to tell Dad what I did or didn’t do, Lily.”

“But I got money out of this, anyway. So, no.”

“WHAT?!?”

“Anyway, I have to go now. See ya at home, big brother!” Lily made a big heart over her head and hopped off the school ground, walking the opposite way to somewhere.

“WAIT!! WHAT!! DID YOU JUST SAY YOU MAKE MONEY OUT OF SNITCHING TO DAD!? LILY!! KANG NALI!!”

“Dom, calm down.” Minu and June tried to calm the guy down and it seemed to be ineffective.

“CALM DOWN!? HOW AM I CALMING DOWN WHEN MY TWIN SISTER SNITCHED ON ME TO GET SOME MONEY?!? KANG NALI, YOU COME BACK HERE!”

She heard her brother yell out as she hopped around excitedly. With the money that her dad sent to her this afternoon, she had the opportunity to go somewhere and buy something for someone she liked. It was laughable to see that the daughter of a gang leader had a crush on someone that could be considered to be an enemy to the gang because he beat up her brother. 

And if Dom were to know about her crush on the person who had a fight with him, he wouldn’t stay still and would cause something between the two of them. It was only a matter of time until Dom would find out about his baby sister’s immense feeling for the underground fighter. 

Lily walked close to where she would see the guy and his team hanging around and as she turned the corner at the convenient store, she finally saw them, especially the guy that she had a huge crush on.

Joker of the Sabbath Team.

“Hey! Where have you been off this whole day?” Lily asked as she walked up to them, seeing that Wooin gave half of the money to Joker and the latter counted the money. She then walked closer to stand next to Joker who hadn’t noticed her yet.

“Oh, Lily. Didn’t see ya there, princess.” Wooin uttered as he gazed at Lily with the usual smile on his face, pulling a candy out from his pocket to give to her. She accepted it because the only thing that could actually connect her and Wooin together other than the adrenaline rush was candies. It was the thing that tied them to tolerate each other.

Wooin continued, “School's done for today?”

“Yeah, what about you guys? Done with your errands?”

This remark made Wooin smirked at Lily; it’s becoming clearer to him that she knew what he and his team were doing. It had become apparent for him to start getting really, really close to her so that he could get a job with her dad. 

He had a purpose and by engaging with the daughter of a gang leader would benefit him in the long term. He then had his arm around Lily’s shoulder, getting real close to her when she wasn’t really paying much attention to him but to only Joker. “So, your dad…Does he need any errand completed for him?”

“No, all the errands are being done by his gang. I don’t think he needs your help but thanks for asking, Wooin.”

“I’m going home.” Joker uttered as he turned back, not even looking or speaking to Lily once.

Lily saw this and became quite sad that he didn’t pay much attention to her. And while Lily was feeling sad about it, Wooin exclaimed to Joker, “Dude, we’re going to some barbecue and you decided to dip out?”

“I gotta make food for my younger brothers.”

Without saying anything else, he walked off to his house probably as Lily watched him walking away without saying anything to her. She felt all kinds of emotions right now and Wooin cursed under his breath but she didn’t really care about him; her crush wasn’t him, Joker was her crush.

“I’m going home too.” Lily uttered as she walked away from Wooin when he was quick to grab her wrist.

“Hold on, you’re not going home so fast.” He said, pulling the money out of his pocket. “We’re going to barbecue together.”

εїз Barbecue Restaurant εїз

“You want to get with Joker so bad, don’t you?” Wooin asked, sipping on his coke while his hands were busy with grilling the meat.

“How do you know?”

“Everyone knows among us, even Joker knows that himself.” 

Lily, after hearing that, accidentally swallowed water into the wrong hole which caused her to cough until she got a red face. “What?!”

“You thought he wouldn’t get the hint, didn’t you? The tall idiot sees and hears everything; it’s just that he doesn’t talk that much. He keeps a lot to himself so if he were to talk about you crushing on him, that would be just a dream.”

“Oh god…How am I going to face him now?”

Wooin chuckled, “Just let it go with the flow. Everything will be fine.”

“How would you know that?”

Without saying anything else, Wooin just smirked as he plopped a piece of meat into his mouth.

εїз Home; Dinner Time εїз

“Dad, listen to me. Lily didn’t mean what she said when she told you about me not training with the team. She’s obviously lying to get money out of you.” Dom tried to talk to their dad as they were having their dinner together after not having one for a very long time. Pulling all types of faces to convince their dad, Dom kinda gave up along the way because it looked like their dad was really paying much attention to the subject.

“Lily, you’re not having a second?” Their dad asked.

She shook her head, “No, I’m full. Thanks, Dad.” She then turned to face Dom and made a mocking expression, “Enjoy your dinner with Dad, big brother!” and hopped to her bedroom excitedly.

As Lily finally arrived at her bedroom, she immediately locked the door as she didn’t want Dom to come in and sleep in her room again this time. She had something to say to Joker and she didn’t want her brother to know about this or he might go and finish his business with Joker. After all, no brothers would want their sisters to date someone whom they had issues with. Especially guys like Joker who Dom tried to warn Lily a lot.

She grabbed her phone and immediately went to text Joker whom she was fortunate enough to get directly from. She wanted to know if he did know about her crushing on him. She needed to hear it from him instead and not from Wooin who could be saying anything because he wanted to tease her about this.

Hi! I’m not bothering you right now, am I?

Read 8:48pm

Yeah, Joker wasn’t the type to text someone back. He was more keen on talking instead of texting. She knew that but she didn’t want other ears to hear what she was going to say anyway.

Sorry, didn’t mean to bother you. Good night.

Uhh, stupid Lily! Why would you go and text him when you know he won’t answer back? Lily cursed herself as she put down her phone and slipped herself under the cover. She was shaken inside as the consequence of her action finally caught up to her. Why would she go and text Joker? What, trying to get him to tell her that he knows she was having a crush on him?

This was so stupid; why would you do that, Lily Kang?!!

[Insert phone’s ringtone here]

Lily turned to her side and picked the phone up and widened her eyes before getting up and clearing her throat. She swiped to answer and put the phone close to her ears.

“Hello, Joker.”

“Sorry, I was busy putting my brothers to sleep. What do you want to talk about?” His voice was very enticing; it could literally put her to sleep if he continued to talk like this on the phone with her. 

Then, she came back from reality and started speaking straight to the point as she knew Joker didn’t like it if someone wasted his time by not getting to the point. “Wooin told me that you knew that I like you more than friends.”

“Hmm..”

“Did you? I mean it’s cool that you know, y’know? It’s probably whatever, anyway. You probably don’t have the time to think about getting into a relationship with anyone right now. So, hahah.” Lily rambled on and Joker just kept listening to her talking when his mouth curved up into a smile at her rambling.

“So, uhh. What are you up to now?” She changed the subject as she felt embarrassed after rambling on about her crush on him. She could feel her cheeks burning up after indirectly confessing to him on the phone and whatnot. 

“I’d like to try going on a date with you.”

“Oohh, a date.. That’s what you're up to.” She smiled before the realization started to hit her. “Wait, a date with me?!?”

“Yeah, Wooin told me to get together with you so that I could learn a thing or two from you.”

“Wait, Wooin told you to do that?” That fucking asshole, I swear I will beat his ass when I see him. Lily thought to herself as she heard Joker respond.

“Not that it was an obligation to get with you. He just threw that sentence out just for fun and I picked it up and acted on it. Besides, you were trying so hard to get my attention.”

Then she heard a small chuckle coming from him and she swore she could float to the sky. Must be god’s gift to finally hear him chuckle, even if it was just a small one, it was enough to make her heart skip a beat. But, hey, did he just take a jab at her trying to get his attention all these times?

“Hey, I did that because I wanted you to notice me. Even this evening, I stood next to you but you didn’t notice me. Only Wooin noticed me and gave me candy.” She retorted as she heard him sigh through the phone.

“Sorry about that. I was thinking about my brothers so I wasn’t paying any attention to my surroundings.”

“So, uhh. When is your next fight? I want to come and support you.” She questioned, pulling a move that her brother taught her so many times and those many times, she ignored it because it sounded so stupid to her and now look at her, she used that technique to be with Joker all the time.

“It’s two days from now. If you wanna come, I’ll tell the guys in the front to let you in.”

“Great!! I want to. Just text me the location and I’ll be at your every fight!”

“Hmm…” He hummed and before the two of them hung up, Joker had one last thing to tell her. “Lily, let’s go on a date tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at your school if you want.”

Lily genuinely smiled and uttered calmly which put his heart on a treadmill. “Alright, I’ll text you my school’s location. See you tomorrow.”

“Alright, bye. Good night.”

She smiled widely at his words, “Good night.”

Bidding each other goodnight, Joker went to bed with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time while Lily was screaming in excitement under her blanket so loud that Dom ran to check on her.

“BABY SISTER!! WHAT HAPPENS?? IS SOMEONE INSIDE OF YOUR ROOM AND TRYING TO ATTACK YOU?”

Lily heard that outside of her room and then Dom shouted for someone to get a spare key from Dad’s room. “Get me the spare key; My baby sister is getting attacked!!” 

“STAY AWAY FROM MY ROOM!! I’M DOING OK AND THERE’S NO ONE IN HERE WITH ME!!”

“GET ME THE FUCKING KEY!!”

“STAY AWAY!!!!”

As on Joker’s side, he was still looking at his screen that showed Lily’s number. If it was one thing that got him to be able to smile even if it was just a small one, it was Lily and it was enough to get him to smile. For someone like him who was considered the freak and the money-chasing asshole, he never thought to have someone like him and bypass all of his negative traits. And for someone like Lily who was a level higher than him, he felt like he was blessed to have her like him. 

As for the date thing, of course, Wooin told him to get close to Lily and date her but Joker didn’t do that because he wanted something benefiting them. He really wanted to have a relationship and Lily was the one that he wanted to get with. Maybe he could try to learn how to read people’s moods from Lily.

“Date Lily and maybe you could get her to tell her brother that you want to have a talk with him.” Wooin uttered as he stood next to the tall guy, looking elsewhere.

“Her brother’s Dom?”

“Yeah and they’re twins. Everytime you look at Lily’s face, you would see her brother’s face too.”

Joker scoffed as he pushed his phone into his pocket, “Me dating her would be a real thing and not for our benefits. It’s mine.”

“Yeah, whatever you say, man. She’s gonna beat my ass when she sees me tomorrow or something. Aish, why would you say that I told you to get together with her?” 

Saying that, Wooin walked to step on one of the guys that ambushed them as Joker slightly smiled at the thought of him going to pick Lily up from school before he went on to fight some more. 

εїз

Walking down the hallway with her brother’s arm around her shoulders, Lily was feeling pumped up as she was excited for the later day. It was the usual scene for students to see upon seeing the twins walking down the hallway and being super close to one another; the one thing that was quite unusual for them to see was that Lily and Dom didn’t come to school together and walk down the hallway with their arms around their shoulders. That was the only unusual thing to see the Kangs being like this.

“What’re you gonna do if your score doesn’t reflect well on your report card?” Lily asked, looking at her phone while Dom turned upset about his report card last month.

“I don’t even want to know what I’m gonna do. My dream of making music would look dark to me.”

“You just gotta have Yuna around you all the time to encourage you to learn, brother. I’m not gonna help you all the time when you don’t even want my help.”

Dom groaned, “Yeah, but what can you say about my character? I don’t want to study so…”

“Then say goodbye to your music-making career.” She stuck her tongue out at Dom and walked into their classroom, taking a seat next to each other.

“Morning, Lily!! Did you get my Kakao this morning?” Shelly came into the classroom and shouted for Lily as she waved her hand at the latter.

Lily then winked, “Do you really wanna do this, Shelly? Would he get so embarrassed to not want to come to class?”

“LILY!!”

“Kidding… Ooh, Jay.” Lily had her hand out for Jay to drop something and Jay grumbled under his breath as he took his notebook from yesterday’s lesson and gave it to Lily.

εїз Break Time εїз

Lily got up as the bell rang across the school when her brother, Dom, asked her. “Where are you going? I thought we’re going to get something to eat with the team.”

“I’ll be back soon. I need to go somewhere.”

“Where… Lily?” Dom watched his sister walk out of the classroom, making a beeline for something.

“Where’s she going?” Minu walked to Dom’s chair, asking about Lily since they were both needed to complete an assignment with his older twin sister, Yuna.

“She wouldn’t tell me, dude. We’re just gonna have to wait for her at our usual spot.”

Lily walked down to find Aria as she had something to tell her since the last incident Aria had with Jay and Lily didn’t want Aria to feel sad that her crush on Jay wasn’t going as well as she wanted to. She needed to console the poor girl–

“Without any pain, you wouldn’t get the gain. You need to persist more. No pain, no gain.” Lily heard someone talking behind the wall to the stairs to another floor.

“Sure, I’ll keep fighting for the love I have for Jay.” Then she heard Aria’s voice so clearly and without a doubt, she ran to see Aria and saw that she was with this Owen guy who was infatuated with Shelly.

Upon seeing him, Lily groaned. “Uhh, it’s you.”

“You got a problem with me?”

“Very much indeed.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate because I don’t interact with those who aren’t in my field of interest.” Owen retorted and Lily took another jab at him.

“Neither do I but here we are.” Then Lily paid no more attention to Owen and grabbed Aria’s wrist, trying to pull her away from him. “Let’s go, Aria. You’re not gonna get any good from this guy.”

“You aren’t going anywhere with her. I still have something more with her.” Owen tried to stop Lily by grabbing Aria’s other wrist.

“With what? Encourage her to be persistent with her crushing on Jay or something else? Because I doubt you would have any good ideas.”

Owen scowled, “Did you just insult my intelligence?”

“When did I ever do that?”

“They look like they are fighting for Aria. Why is Aria in the middle of them arguing? Do you get what they are talking about?”

Lily and Aria heard the students’ talking about the scene in front of them but for Lily, she didn’t give a damn about it and continued on.

“You think by pushing this phrase No pain, No gain is gonna help her when clearly everyone could see the opposite of it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with giving her the motivation to get what she wants. I want Shelly and she wants Jay.”

“You sound like an obsessed freak. You gotta stop. This isn’t good for your mental health.”

He frowned, “Me? An obsessed freak?”

“Yes, do you need Shelly to say it to you for you to realize the reality? She loves someone else and not you. Geez, this idiot.” Lily spoke Korean in the last sentence because she was frustrated with this guy.

“Did you just call me an idiot in Korean?” Owen asked her as the sentence that she pronounced made sense to him.

“Oh, you do understand that? I thought you didn’t because it seemed to me that you don’t have the brain to realize the reality.”

“You!” 

“Let’s go, Aria. You don’t need to take his words into account. Everything this guy said was just rubbish.” Lily told Aria as she was finally able to pull her out of the situation and she didn’t notice the glare from Owen. 

This guy wouldn’t hold grudges but for this girl, Lily, he held grudges against her.

εїз

After the bell finally rang as the signal for students to go home, the teacher teaching in the Hummingbird Crew’s (except Vinny) classroom still had a lot more to tell the students.

“Before you go home, I want you to fully focus on the group assignment that I put last week. Don’t forget that and the exam test will be here sooner than later so be paranoid about it.” 

After he said that, all the students groaned in their seats because when they wanted a free time to relax, the teacher had to tell them the bad news to drop that relaxing thought.

Then Dom turned to his sister with the puppy eyes he could garner, “Baby sister… Help me with the upcoming exam.”

Without looking at him, Lily denied. “No.”

“Oh, c’mon. I’ll pay you 150,000 won an hour.”

“200,000 won an hour.”

“That’s a deal.” Dom then grabbed his sister’s hand and shook it to seal the deal. 

That was also the usual sibling’s interaction, using money as a way to make a deal with the closest people. People started to get used to that already.

Then she suddenly stood up as the excitement of going out on a date with her crush bubbled up inside of her so Lily went out of the classroom in a hurry while her brother and her friends were shouting for her but she paid no heed to it and ran for the front gate.

Dom and his friends, on the other hand, went to the window and tried to find Lily among the students who got out of school and finally saw Lily rushing to the outside of the school gate with a huge smile on her face which got Dom to be curious about it. 

“What made her smile like that?”

Then Shelly went to the window, standing near him. “Maybe she finally got a boyfriend?”

“WHAT?!?”

“I mean it can be possible. Seeing how her smile stretches itself almost to her ears could mean several things and one of them is her boyfriend.”

“If my baby sister has a boyfriend, she would tell dad and me and not keep it a secret to herself, Shelly. I know my sister well.” Dom uttered as his eyes landed on Lily who unconsciously looked over to the window of her classroom and they both met eyes until Dom saw that his sister was sticking her tongue out at him.

“Why,,,she,,. This girl! I’m coming down to beat your ass, Lily!!” He shouted as soon as his hand unlatched the lock on the window and scared the hell out of the students who walked through the gate.

“Dom, no!” Shelly and Minu each grabbed Dom’s arms while Jay was ready with his book swinging at Dom.

It was like a miracle for Jay to join in with the shenanigans with the team so whenever Dom tried to stop Lily from doing anything, the gang was ready to stop him at all costs.

Lily went to the corner of the school as she saw a tall figure out of the normal height of all students there so she ran up to the guy that she always had her eyes on. The moment was very monumental for her so the fact that Joker picked her up from school to go on a date with him was like a dream come true for Lily. She had achieved one of her ultimate goals; now she has got to hide this thing from her brother especially because she didn’t think he would appreciate seeing his sister dating the enemy(?).

When she finally arrived at the place where Joker waited for her, it was behind a big tree at the corner of the school wall and this spot was the best to hide from her brother’s eagle eyes. Didn’t want him to see who she’s going with.

“Hi!” She exclaimed as the moment had finally arrived. “Shall we go now?”

Joker waved his hand, nodding and offering to hold Lily’s hand. “Sure. I found a place that would suit your taste.”

To be continued [if this goes well]

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[almondpiglet]

ppl were drawing mikus from all over so heres habesha miku and her lil twin sibs rin and len!!

[sagegarnish]

🦀 Kudos Crab 🦀

If you are scrolling and see Kudos Crab, your fics will be blessed!

You will get good comments and kudos!

You will beat your writers block!

GO AND WRITE!

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[frankierotwinkdeath]

Y’all want Taylor Swift to be gay so bad but you won’t even write femslash about her

[intermundia]

this is the single worst way i've ever read to describe an erection, frank herbert

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[formlessvoidbeast]

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

[telltaletypist]

i think people who complain about paragraphs being too long should just read/write screenplays instead. some of us actually enjoy reading

[canonkiller]

but you can't keep holding on like this.

[shhhhimwatchingthis]

My favourite underrated thing about Louis de Point du Lac is that he truly is the least curious vampire to ever be made and he does not give fuck about vampires despite being one.

Its Claudia who goes to libraries, reads the folklore, tries to learn as much as she can and pushes Lestat for answers about who made him and where the others are. Claudia says Vampire Pride and Louis says hmmm Vampire Tolerance.

And Louis...truly does not care about vampire history,law, culture. He's never even thought to ask. There are vampire laws?...ok...Lestat never cared about them and he's not going to either, lol. He's broken a few and he will continue to do so. Oh you have a coven? he's not gonna join it, he's gonna do his own thing. but good for you good for you.

the 500+ year old Coven Leader, he's gonna call Louis, Maitre, actually.

He has fire powers? thats kinda cool. he'll learn that but only cause it lets him vent his feelings about Lestat.

Lestat and Armand say the name of the vampire queen in front of him and Lestat straight up says, "Louis has no idea who that is" and do you think Louis cares, outside of the fact that for some reason it means he can't kill Lestat? No! Do you think in the 77 years he's been with Armand he ever took 5 minutes to ask a follow up question? No!

Do you think he will care about Akasha in season 3? Doubt it! Outside of her obsession with Lestat, who is the only person left on the planet he seems to be able to filter Caring About This Shit through

He blatantly breaks the 3rd law and publishes a book about being a vampire and when the other vampires get pissed not only does he not apologise he literally sends them his location and says 'you wanna fight? lmao don't miss'

I love him. Daniel Molloy is gonna need to bring his A game because Louis will not be solving a single mystery next season, nor would it even occur to him to try.

[inkskinned]

this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.

good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.

sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.

so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.

one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.

[lazylittledragon]

made a sticker for anyone to slap onto their work if they need to

[bamsara]

I love blocking people I've never interacted with based off their replies on some random popular post. Wow random user on a post with 50k notes with the worst take ever, I hope I never meet you and will make sure we never do

[whinesandwhimpers]

down bad simon may look a little like this

You've stepped outside for some fresh air so when Simon walks out a few minutes after you and lights up a cigarette, your face immediately scrunches up in disgust.

He catches your expression. "Not a fan of smoking?"

"Came out for some fresh air."

"Hm, seems like more than that." He muses, turning his head away to blow out some smoke.

"I just think it's gross."

He's silent for a few moments and you think maybe he's offended even, but then he turns back to you and clears his throat.

"That one of your deal breakers then?"

"Deal brea—yeah. It is. Don't think I could bring myself to even kiss a smoker. Why? You interested?" You joke, expecting a laugh and dismissal of the conversation.

He immediately throws his cigarette on the ground and snuffs it out with his shoe, then walks over to the bin and pulls the half-full carton out of his pocket and throws it and his lighter out. Just like that. He walks back over to stand in front of you, his large hand coming up to rest on your cheek, an intensity simmering in his dark eyes as he looks at you.

"Yes."