#bad in an Ed sorta way but

[cherry-shipping]

yawn. im going to bed but i wanted to say that im thinking of maybe MAYBE doing something REALLY TERRIFYING. and writing some selfship stuff. which ive never done before…… but i think IF i do then ill do it in thhe format of a screenplay because then i wont have to worry about futzing with all those other words. ive never written before though but id like to have some of my daydreams saved somehow and theyre too long to draw, and stuff……. also it might be good for my crippling performance anxiety. so thats a bonus

[spoiltizzy]

it's that table for two sequel i've been promising. so all you goofy little tummy enjoyers who don't like My Special Little Babygirl can have a snack lmaooo. it probably sucks, sorry, i haven't even given it a read to check for errors even once. but guys i am soooo tired. i needed to get this out of the way because i have sooo much fic i am working on rn.

it's good to get one down, yk? haha. sorry for any mistakes. you can absolutely tell me abt them and I'll try to fix them tho.

[hitlikehammers]

💫FINALLY✨ The One Where Wayne Munson Has to Carefully Try Not To Eavesdrop 100% COMMIT TO THE EAVESDROPPING When 💕HIS NEPHEW'S BOYFRIEND💕 Comes By To FACE THE MUSIC Reveal What That Coffee Date ☕ Was REALLY All About

(well: at least Wayne's just a willful fool about all this, rather than a witless one) ——(3/3)

<<< part two

~or~

<<< back to the beginning

Wayne’s the one who lets Steve in the next morning.

It’s his day off, and he only managed to get to bed for a couple hours anyway, so he’s just shaking off sleep when the knock comes.

And of course Steve’s as polite as ever, takes his shoes off like the upper crust kid he’ll always be but not with any of the snootiness Wayne’d expected in the beginning, just an ingrained—and eventually, grew to be downright upsetting—need to not be obtrusive, to step on no possible toes. Wayne’d been wishing for a while he’d go ahead and stomp on whatever toes he’d like to, save that today—

Today’s-Steve looks about ready to blow a gasket, and goddamn but Wayne hurts for him. He hurts more for his own boy, if what he fears despite his own good sense is what’s about to happen. But at the very same time he can’t wholly ignore the equal truth that Steve?

Steve’s grown to be his boy, too.

Wayne offers a cup from the coffee he’s about to brew but Steve turns him down with a tight smile, barely even worth being called such, which is telling for itself and more for rejecting the coffee—Steve only really does that when something’s wrong.

But Steve’s barely got to craning his neck around to look for Eddie when the man himself pops out from his room, all dimples and the kind of joy you can feel fill a room. Wayne aches for how it might be lookin’ to get dimmed, sniffed out at worst, if things are about to go sideways.

But Steve, who’s looked like he was ‘bout to be ill since he came in, takes a full breath and sheds the slightest sliver of the tension in him, just for meeting Eddie’s eyes across the way, and then Eddie’s closing the gap, arms out wide and grabbing Steve in tight and Steve’s grabbing right back, and they look for all intents like they’re trying real hard to pull so close they’ll break bones and mesh into one person, and Wayne tries to find comfort in the way people don’t do that sorta thing if they’re lookin’ to hurt one another.

They might well do that sorta thing as a kind of goodbye, though.

Eddie’s pulling them to the couch as Wayne stews over the thoughts he’s got, all at odds with each other and his own gut feeling too at that, because he’s up against the evidence he has against it turning out alright, versus the way he does believe he knows Steve to be a good man; the coffee’s burbling and draws his attention as a kindness until he hears voices from the living room:

“Eds,” and Steve’s leaning in to Eddie on the sofa and Wayne has to strain to hear and that alone should be enough to stop him. To make the more’n obvious point that he’s in the mess he’s in at all because he didn’t keep his ears to himself.

He don’t know if it makes it better or worse, that he’s not a witless fool, just a wilful one, to hold still where he’s got the dishes in hand to dry in the kitchen, so he can have a clean cup for his coffee. When he should move to the porch, have a smoke, take a walk.

“I gotta talk to you,” and Steve sounds grave with it, and Wayne tenses—he wants so bad to be wrong, because he can’t believe that Steve would do the things all the little clues add up to so easy. Not that sweet boy beat around by circumstance beneath the surface; and not done to his boy, neither.

Because Steve looks at his Eddie not so different from the moony cow-eyes his nephew don’t even try to tame.

But it’s…he sounds like there’s a death in the family he’s come to convey. He sounds like the world’s maybe ending.

Wayne don’t know if he holds his breath just to hear better, or because everything feels fragile. Maybe both things at once.

“What’s up, Stevie?” Eddie speaks so low, so sweet like he cherishes so damn much. “Are you okay, is everything—”

“Everything’s fine,” and Steve, hell: he sounds just the same, like there’s love coming out his ears. “Good, even, great, possibly,” but that sounds stilted, or maybe anxious, and Wayne don’t quite know what to make of it; “if you…”

And even Wayne can hear the labor in the breathe Steve’s taking, so he ain’t surprised when Eddie goes in all gentle and half whispers to his boy:

“Hey, Stevie.”

And Wayne don’t look, he’s pouring his coffee now, can’t take the chance of burnin’ himself and risk missing out hours for it, ‘course that’s why.

He don’t look, but he hears exactly what Ed’s words do to Steve when the reply comes out with the kind of relief you can feel with a weight in it, for what it sloughs off and makes light again:

“Hey.”

He can catch the way Eddie rubs hands up Steve’s arms, back and forth and back, foreheads leaned in together, and they sit there long enough for Wayne to lean in comfortable enough against the counter and test the heat of his drink.

“Whatcha got to talk to me about?” And it’s Eddie who broaches the elephant in the room, the soured thing at the base of Wayne’s throat churning for the past day and change. Wayne expects Steve to hold off, tiptoe a little.

He doesn’t, though; not even a little.

“I got the job.”

And that…that ain’t what Wayne was fearing at all, is it.

“Steve,” and Eddie does sound like it’s a good thing, a great thing, truly he does; “baby, that’s amazing!” And then the springs of the couch are creaking and Steve’s making a punched-out sorta sound that means only one thing: Eddie’s tackled him whole-body to the other side of the sofa.

“Fuck I’m so proud of you, sweetheart, holy shit,” Ed’s sayin’ a little breathy, punctuated by loud wet kissy sounds that Wayne usually takes as his cue to skedaddle but…he needs a minute to reconcile what he’d been thinking without believing it could be true, and the reality that it seems he’d been right deep-down about who Steve Harrington was.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Steve’s protesting through laughter, but once they both seem to catch back their breaths he likewise leans back to something serious, and Wayne sees into the living room how Eddie’s stretched on top of Steve, with Steve reaching up and holding him by the cheeks:

“I won’t take it if you,” and Steve’s clearin’ his throat, something Wayne’s noticed is like a squaring of shoulders, whether that part’s there at the same time or not; “I won’t take it, not if it means,” and it’s a painful thing the way Steve swallows, the click of it somethin’ Wayne can hear all the way in to kitchen:

“I won’t take it, and not be with you.”

And that…that Wayne don’t quite get, and he feels wrong-footed for more than just listening in, as if that weren’t enough on its own, plus the cause of the problems he’d been wrestling to start, but then: “What?”

Ed seems just as puzzled, which makes Wayne feel a little less bamboozled, but still not…still not settled with whatever’s causin’ any of it, because now that Wayne’s got real context, he thinks back a-ways, to how Steve had mentioned a promotion, but was then looking at something better all around, regional-sort of stuff; now that he’s got context, he thinks back to the morning-last, and tries to pick apart what he’d heard without an invitation, if it weren’t about the lady friend. Steve had still been so worried, with the banging of the head on the table—and how could he think Eddie’d be anything but as thrilled as he clearly is right now for his boy? Wayne’s never seen Eddie as proud of anyone or anything, so much as he is for Steve just breathing in the world at all—and damn it all if the sentiment hasn’t rubbed off a little, and sure Wayne knows Steve’s history’s made him gun-shy to celebrate the bright spots but…

“It’s in Indy,” Steve’s spelling out, and Wayne remembers that being tossed about, and well: regional. That’d make sense.

“And you,” Steve pauses, and the breath he takes in next is a shaky-echoing thing; “for now you’re here, but not for long, because you want to go and try doing music, right, and that means New York or L.A. or somewhere big, not the armpit of fucking Indiana, and—”

“Breathe, Stevie,” Eddie cuts in quick, adoring; coaches with such patience, the care in it—the love in it a tangible thing; “in, and out,” and all of a sudden from nowhere, save from everywhere and every moment leading into this—

Suddenly Wayne blinks, and out the clear blue he’s witnessing the man Eddie’s grown into.

Talk about bein’ proud.

“One more,” Eddie coaxes a gentle, and Steve listens, Wayne hears as he gulps in the air carefully and deep, sees them move in the corner of his eye as Eddie sits up proper now and folds forward into Steve’s chest where he muffles what he says, less for hiding and more maybe to press it firm into Steve’s chest so it can’t be denied, because it’ll be on the inside and settled there sure:

“Fuck, I love you.”

And Wayne has that feelin’ again like he ain’t supposed to be party to the particular degree of intimacy in the moment; maybe he lets the plates on the counter clank a little more’n necessary to remind them casually that they ain’t alone.

But discretion’s not what follows, more like the wet slip of mouths against each other and oh, well then: if the boys don’t seem to view Wayne’s presence in the next room as a deterrent then Wayne’s just gonna keep at feelin’ embarrassed, rather’n guilty to boot.

“Steve,” and Ed’s voice goes warm and low and Wayne tries to not feel bad for hearing, more focuses on bein’ happy, and grateful, for this thing his boy found in maybe the most unlikely of places, through the hardest round out of hell he could have met: he gets a thing here that Wayne wasn’t sure he still believed could even be, not with so much hate in the world as there is.

“Me and the boys, we’re good, but we’re not,” and Eddie huffs, a light thing that feels gentle and almost joyful, like he’s celebratin’ a thing that’s not inside the same words he speaks at all:

“We’re not that good.”

“Bullshit,” Steve’s quick to counter, like it means more than it reads on the label somehow, too, and still it’s said with his whole throat, at that: and at that, Wayne can’t help but grin a little himself.

He knew he wasn’t wrong about the heart of Steve Harrington. About how much this young man loves his boy.

“Steve,” and Wayne watches, don’t even make a secret of it now: watches over the lip of his mug because he’d only dared to hope for this kinda thing idly, and always feeling foolish for it, for his Eddie to find something even a smidgen close to what he’s got here; what they’ve got here as Ed reaches and tips Steve chin just a touch.

“I don’t want to waste years trying to fit a mold even by being a freak, trying to sell my brand of weird and hoping people get it,” Eddie tells him, clear-eyed like Wayne’s not sure he’s ever heard him. “I don’t want to put that much of my life into a maybe,” and then he’s tracing Steve’s jaw with a tenderness he was never taught, so it’s just something natural and pure inside him, brought out just so by this one man in his arms as he whispers so soft-hearted and with more love than feels possible even just to watch:

“Not when I’ve got what my whole heart wants most.”

And Wayne sees Steve’s jaw work under Eddie’s touch as he asks so low, and far too timid for a man Wayne’s seen live up to the monster-slaying he’s heard tell of.

“More than music?”

And it’s asked like he could never believe it; like he couldn’t expect it.

But Eddie’s back to the clear-eyed sureness, then. He has no doubts.

“More than fame,” is what he answers, flipping hands through Steve’s hair as he leans just to whisper:

“You’re the music,” and Wayne watches Steve still, his face scrunch like it does when he thinks he feels too much; “my music,” and Steve would be embarrassed to know Wayne hears the tiny little whimper that he gives when Eddie presses a kiss to the space between his eyebrows, and there’s part of him that’s embarrassed for himself in it, to have heard what’s not his, but if he’s honest he’s still stuck in that gratitude, that relief for this way it’s all shaken out, not to mention how Wayne’s little family that he never intended to start’s now feeling complete where he didn’t think there was anything left to add, to grow.

“And I have music with you as much as anywhere,” Eddie’s explaining with a wobbly little grin; “plus with you, even the music’s sweeter.”

Then he’s cupping Steve cheeks again and pressing forehead into forehead so that Wayne can only hear the barest whisper:

“Lead the way, baby, and I’ll follow with fucking bells on.”

And Steve, he’s quiet, leans back into the cushions a little and Wayne watches unabashed about it now as Steve studies Eddie, takes him in less like he’s weighing anything and more like he’s committing to memory a moment worth knowing everything about in full, and then he’s the one framing Eddie’s face in his hands and asking with a certainty he didn’t have before, and that fits him so much better:

“Move in with me? Leave here, and leave all the shit they say and the way they look at you and how they fucking treat you,” Steve damn near growls and Wayne feels all the more why he trusts Steve Harrington, and should never have even considered doubting, no matter if the mere suggestion was something he knew was pressing up against his better judgement from the start, because this is the man who loves his boy enough to take on the world, and tear it to shreds when the need rears its ugly head.

“Come with me?”

And that’s maybe a little more of the hesitance, and again, it sounds wrong as a rule, but Eddie’s quick as anything:

“It’ll take me less than a hour to pack.”

And he’s on his feet in a second and Wayne has to bite back a snort because that’ll give him away more’n anything else, but Steve’s pulling Eddie back to the sofa again in a heartbeat:

“Not that fast,” he laughs, a breathy little chuckle that’s got so much more to it even to Wayne’s ears, that’s disbelief and a little wondering joy and everything this boy deserves and has done his whole goddamn life, and heaven help his parents if Wayne ever sees them again face to face for all they ever did to make their son feel less; “got a couple months, I’ll drive up for training while the other guy’s wrapping up, then,” and he shrugs, Wayne hears it shuffle against the upholstery, then he sees Steve looking up from guarded lashes, just that little bit of uncertainty left—

“Then,” Eddie prods, meets him in that moment of waffling, of fear in trusting to feel all that they do, so visible you don’t even have to search it out. It just shines through, couldn’t deny it if you tried, and sure as hell not for how giddy, how overfull Eddie sounds then with…promise.

Ain’t no other word for it.

Ain’t no other thing Steve could latch to like he does, wholehearted and unfettered where before he was still fighting old chains.

Not no more.

“There’s a record store that needs a new manager,” Steve starts off; “a tattoo shop that’s taking apprentices, and they also need someone to watch the books,” and it’s a list, he’s listing opportunities, he’s counting out the promise; “a music store, like for instruments and stuff, that needs someone who can work but also maybe teach, because they want to start giving lessons, apparently people keep asking for them, and then there’s—”

Steve’s cut clear off, and Wayne don’t have to be in the room to know it’s for being kissed within an inch of his life.

“I love you,” Eddie’s saying again because it’s more’n a given, but it’s sounding like it’s shaping into something a little different, a little deeper, somehow a something that’s more.

“I love you so much, Steve Harrington,” and Eddie’s voice is rough with it, and Wayne ain’t gonna lie to himself that his eyes sting to hear it, even if no one can see and hold him to bein’ honest about it.

“You looked for jobs for me?” Eddie asks small, the first thing here that’s maybe overwhelmed him good and true, and in the best of all ways.

“Yeah?” Steve says it like it’s obvious, then goes back bashful nearly:

“For if you said yes.”

And then the springs of the couch are doin’ the heavy lifting again as Steve huffs and Eddie pounces.

“I fucking,” and there a pause that sounds a lot like more kissin’, which tracks along right, yeah: “I fuckin’ love you.”

And Steve chuckles, and Wayne just shakes his head, smiles down at his coffee while Eddie’s tone sobers, while he asks a little small:

“You thought there was a chance in hell that I’d say no?”

“I,” and Steve sounds chagrined, in that way that Wayne’s come to recognize means there’s an old hurt he’s covering, but one that might have a shot at makin’ a scab finally to close for good. “Robin thought I was being dumb, but I,” and he blows out a long breath, and Wayne glances to watch Eddie rub up and down Steve’s arms, waiting and being right there and oh, true as anything.

That’s the man his boy’s grown into.

“People don’t really,” Steve says slow, but measured, like he’s planning every letter out to land just so: ”people haven’t…stuck around, y’know?”

And Wayne can’t help but look to see how Eddie’s hands stop at Steve’s wrists, grounding and holding and keeping, sort of, or not sort of: absolutely that without room to misinterpret or think any bit less; same as Wayne won’t try to pretend away the bitterness at the back of his own throat that a boy as good as the one he’s learned Steve Harrington to be could think that of himself not just in passing, but as a preordained thing, an inflexible rule for always.

Makes him sick; makes him angrier than he tries to ever be these days, but good goddamn if this don’t warrant it.

“So asking someone to come with, to not just not leave but to chose to go, with m—”

And Steve’s saying things, and Eddie lets him but only to a point, and Wayne doesn’t see how he stops him, but he knows full well he’d stop still in the middle of a sound himself if the tone that comes out his boy were leveled his way: unshakable. Granite-strong, diamond-hard.

“Listen to me,” and oh, but for all the way it lands intense, the love in it’s a thing to behold and marvel at just to hear; he feels like it could undo a man to be under the gaze that tone comes alone with it, like Steve has to be sitting just now: “listen to me so fucking close right now.”

And maybe Wayne leans in, too, whether it’s meant for him or not:

“I will choose, with my whole goddamn chest, with every piece of me there is in the whole fucking world,” Eddie says, puts emphasis and feeling on each and every word; “to go anywhere, if it’s with you.”

And it’s silent for a minute, but then Wayne only just hears the sound of mouths parting and sharp intakes of breath ringing through the sill and Eddie hisses, a little hoarse, a little broken, entirely with all that he is, just like he said:

“Always.”

Then the couch goes about protestin’ again, but it’s Eddie who Wayne makes out for groaning on impact, and it makes sense that it’s Steve’s voice now breathing harsh through the vow of what comes next:

“Love you,” and there’s the kissing again; “love you so goddamn much.”

And Wayne figures he’s had more’n enough of overhearing what’s not quite his to hear, but here’s the thing.

These boys are gonna be at this for a bit, he reckons, and the coffee’s already half-gone and lukewarm besides. They’ve got money to be a little indulgent with these days, courtesy of Uncle Sam, plus Mary at the plant said the rhododendrons actually like coffee anyway.

So he figures he can justify brewing another pot, if for no other reason than to start the day off better than he’d been expecting by one helluva country mile and then some.

♥️

✨also on ao3

For @thefreakandthehair, who requested 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' at my HOBBIT-STYLE BIRTHDAY MONTH PROMPT FEST

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divider credit here

[thestarrynightslover]

Discreet Not Detached

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1,397

Warnings: None, really.

Summary: Mike goes to Harvey's apartment to deliver some files only to be proved wrong about his boss being a lonely workaholic.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the show Suits, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: My first Harvey fic in a while, I had the idea based on an episode (I don't remember exactly which) and tried to elucidate to it here. Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck and feedback is appreciated as usual!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

Another day in the office, another drama for Harvey Specter: this time it was his associate, Mike Ross, wanting to tell his girlfriend the whole truth about the terms of his employment and Harvey couldn’t let him do it, for obvious reasons. But, as you’d expect, namecallings happened and it all ended with Mike throwing in Harvey’s face his being an alleged workaholic in lack of a personal 一 and, in this case, love 一 life. Emphasis on alleged, cause what Mike didn’t know was that his boss actually did have someone to go home to…

It had been a long day but at least you got to go home to your excentric puddle of comfort of a boyfriend: New York City’s best closer, Harvey Specter. Once you got to your place, where the two of you lived together, you were welcomed with the smell and the view of a freshly cooked dinner that Harvey probably had someone making for the two of you.

As you started taking off your coat and shoes by the door, Harvey came out of your shared bedroom wearing nothing but sweatpants and looking like he’d just taken a shower. “Oh, hey, honey!” He greeted you with a smile on his face. “Sorry I didn’t wait for you to shower but I mingled too much with people of dubious hygiene today, so I kinda really needed to get clean.”

“Ah, that’s okay,” you said while pouting cutely at the same time. “At least dinner is ready, 'cause I am starving!”

“Ha! You say it like it’s cutting-edge news!” He tells you, as he puts on a shirt 一 much to your disappointment. 

“What is that supposed to mean?!” You ask feigning offense while putting away your bag, shoes, and coat.

“It means that you’re always starving, sweetheart,” Harvey answers nonchalantly like it’s nothing.

“That is not true! Or at least it’s not entirely true: I’m always starving if it’s past mealtime and I haven’t eaten!”

“Sure, whatever you say, baby!” He says it already knowing that your hunger and all the pet names will only soften you.

“You know what? After today I don’t even have the energy to bicker with you…”

“That bad, huh?”

“The ED was a complete chaos today, apparently all hospitals were swamped, which is why they called more surgeons downstairs to help out. I’ve been on my feet the entire day! I’m basically dead.”

“Dramatic… But I’m sorry you had a shitty day, baby.” He said coming to hug you from behind in your bathroom. Looking at your reflex in the mirror 一 both of you, together like that 一 filled your heart with love and your mind with peace. Harvey was definitely your happy place.

Some time later, after you’d had your dinner, gotten ready for bed, and watched a sappy rom-com you chose, you and Harvey were already cuddling, almost asleep when you heard insistent knocking on the door.

“Stay here, honey, I’ll go see what that’s all about.” You sorta heard Harvey say to you as you lost your personal space heater.

Out in the living, Harvey opened the door only to find his associate Mike Ross standing there looking all tired and disheveled. Before his boss could even say anything, he went ahead entering the apartment mumbling about the case they were currently addressing in the office.

“Harvey, you’re not gonna believe what I found about our not-so-innocent school teacher!” He said to the older man with such energy that sounded like he had had a few too many energetics.

“What the hell, Mike?! Why are you showing up on my doorstep this late at night?”

“Because I knew you’d wanna see this as soon as possible, besides, it’s not like you’d have anything important going here, would you?” Mike asked sorta mocking Harvey.

Ignoring his employee’s last comment, he took the papers Mike was offering and said: “This better be good, Ross, otherwise you’re gonna meet a whole different side of me.

As Harvey started reading all the documents, Mike started having a look around, cause when would he have another chance at taking a peek at his boss’s house like that again? And he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing, he would definitely be making a few thousand jokes about it in the near future: there was a romance novel lying on the table, one of those with drawings on the cover that were becoming so popular then.

“Oh my God, Harvey, when were you gonna tell me about your love for reading?” He asked while pointing at the book with his head. 

As Harvey’s eyes emerged from the papers in his hands with a confused look to them, Mike continued: “You know you could have told me, in fact after seeing the kinda genre you like I might actually ask for some recommendations, you know, to get my grandmother a few as presents.” The younger man said already starting to laugh loudly.

“That’s not mine…” Harvey began to answer with his mind still on the documents at hand.

“Oh no? You know there’s no need to lie to me, I promise I’ll try not to judge!”

“Funny. But that’s actually-”

“Mine!” You said as you came out of the bedroom wearing nothing but one of Harvey’s expensive dress shirts. “I don’t think we’ve met yet!” You exclaimed, already extending your hand to shake Mike’s. “I’m (y/n), Harvey’s girlfriend.”

“Girl- g- girlfriend?” Mike looked so shocked he almost choked on his laughter.

“Yes, but it’s doctor (y/l/n) for you.” He answered instinctively moving to your side. “What are you doing out of bed, sweetheart?”

“Sweetheart?” Mike murmured to himself in disbelief of the version of Harvey he was seeing, especially after their argument in the office and the things he’d said to Harvey.

“Well, I assumed it was something work-related when I noticed how long it was taking you to come back and came to drag you back to bed!” You announced to your boyfriend entangling your bodies with certain disregard for the other man standing there in shock.

Only then did Mike notice a framed picture on the sideboard behind him and it displayed both you and Harvey looking at each other with love in your eyes as he carried you bridal style into the water on a beach. Which was another surprise to the young attorney since he didn’t even know that Harvey was a fan of beaches.

“So you’re the famous Mike Ross, then?” You asked, catching his attention again. “You know, it’s very rare for someone to impress Mr. Specter here like you did!”

“Oh, honey, don’t do that, or he’ll spend an entire month finding new ways to subtly bring up in every conversation-”

“Oh, there won’t be anything subtle about it, Mr. Specter,” Mike said mockingly, finally coming out of the shock he had been on. “But I’m curious now, how long have you two been together?”

“About three years, isn’t it, babe?” You answered quickly not paying any mind to the mockery on Mike’s voice.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Wow, I never would’ve guessed it. Harvey never talks about you. Like ever.” Mike impolitely announced. “I mean, I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend and it’s been months since we started working together.”

“Well, that sounds about right since we don’t like to display our personal lives at work.” You said nonchalantly.

“But do Jessica and Donna know?”

“Of course they do. Must I remind you that you’re not a Donna or a Jessica, Mike?”

“Ouch. But do Lewis and Rachel know?”

“No, and no. And as interesting as your findings were, it’s time for you to leave. We’ll talk more about it tomorrow at the office.”

“But-”

“Mike. Now!”

“Oh, Harvey, don’t be like that.” 

“He needs to go now and we need to go back to bed, so bye, Mike!” Harvey said while shoving Mike out the door.

And after he was gone, just like in the picture, Harvey picked you up from the floor and started carrying you back to the bedroom.

“Harvey!” You squealed out. But he didn’t mind it as he tossed you on the bed, got on top of you, and started kissing you. Apparently, Mike’s visit had put him in a good mood. And, apparently, it was going to be a long night.                                                                 

[keets-writing-corner]

Love how Lucifer just manhandles Adam during their 'fight' despite everyone else getting their asses kicked. Plus him effortlessly destroying him when Charlie's in danger is really sweet.

gawd me too anon me too

that was everything me to me. like everything. It was built up so well too

we spent the whole season building up alastor as this massive powerhouse, eldritch, nobody messes with him. Only one who tried picking a fight with him (Vox) got utterly humiliated and everyone else was clearly outclassed. Except for Lucifer where Alastor merely just went with annoying instead of power challenging. Like we got vibes okay yeah makes sense that the King of Hell isn't intimidated by anyone, even if it's alastor, but Alastor got TWO wtf moments in Dad Beat Dad one with Husk and one with defending the hotel

other than that, it was pretty much, nobody messes with him cuz he will mess you up

and he fights Adam evenly sorta for a bit before Adam pulls out the "I'm an angel which is stronger than any demon" card and alastor gets his ass handed to him.

Like what a way to set up how strong ADAM is, having him beat Alastor. And then no one else in the hotel is as strong as Alastor was, so everyone's struggling. Charlie at least gets one good hit in but her inexperience kicks her in the ass and then Lucifer just shows up and

like hot DAMN that was just one hit! He broke Adam's mask, the force was enough to send him FLYING across the roof top, and bounce so hard against the billboard he BROKE THE SKYLIGHT

That was just a "HANDS OFF MY BABY" warning too, like LOOK at that face, that's not a "fight me" face it's a "if you touch my baby again, I will screw you so bad your bones will need therapy and you never recover"

Lucifer not even .2 seconds later, just upon seeing Charlie

and then yeah, Lucifer was NOT taking the fight with Adam serious at all, like the dude was taunting him, mocking him, dodging all of his attacks, just shapeshifting like Adam was a joke LIKE LOOK AT THIS

Lucifer isn't even scared, he's just "oh there's a wall there"

His FACE IM DYING he's legit like "wowwww you just tried shoving me into a wall? really? didn't have any other ideas? Soooooo original of you. I will mock you now"

HIS HANDS ARE BEHIND HIS BACK HE FOR REAL SAID HE COULD TAKE ADAM WITH BOTH HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK

rewatching rn for the screenshots, he's legit just shapeshifting for the fun of it. 70% of the time nothing has happened, he's just dodging adam and shapeshifting while doing it, like he doesn't need to be doing that this is 100% mockery.

And then the iconic

like omgggg this is soooo satisfying and amazing to watch. Like the set up of Adam being powerful was great, and then we just get this absolute trolling from Lucifer cuz he really doesn't care about Adam

And listen the trolling is great and all, but when Adam makes the mistake of not heeding Lucifer's warning of messing with his baby, and then does it a second time

RIP Adam just getting one shot-ed like that but hnnnnnggggg we got to see Lucifer fully pissed and it was GREAT

And somehow my favorite part wasn't even watching Lucifer go absolute ham on Adam, it was that even at his absolute most rage fueled moment, snarling like a beast where he was going to and fully intended on making good on his threat about messing with his baby

just one shoulder touch from Charlie and he's immediately chill. Like it's instantaneous, like how much do you love someone to be able to be absolutely livid, about to incinerate someone levels of rage only to immediately be "o oki! No more violence!" the second that person touches you???

Ugh I love them so much! Like everything about that fight, but especially how Lucifer can just go from absolutely the most dangerous person in one second and then OWO SOFT the next just by looking at Charlie

oops this post got long... IMSORRYYYYY other than "More than Anything" and the phonecall with charlie this is one of the scenes I replay the most, I love them so much

Characters going absolutely feral over loved ones is just aasdfadffalklkmafdjalsg 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

[moeitsu]

for the ask game :)

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon. But could you give us more on your chubby Arthur HC? I need more of that! Like right now! (But no rush, I just love big boy Arthur as much as you do)  🙏❣️

Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh I would absolutely love to dive into more chubby!Arthur HC's. He is so dear to me.

I got carried away with this, and sorta poured my heart into it. It’s basically just a love letter to my favorite husky cowboy <3

WC: ~3k

TW: self-esteem issues, body dysmorphia, ED, alcoholism, some NSFW at the end so minors beware.

I also want to add, these are all just personal self-indulgent headcanons. So some might seem ooc. Take it up with the council if that bothers you :)

When I say chubby/fat Arthur I mean that with my full chest. I'm talking a big boy— a soft curved belly, thighs as big as tree trunks, and a smooth jawline.

I want to point out, muscle and fat are not mutually exclusive. He can be fat and incredibly strong.

Standing at 6'0", Arthur is already an imposing figure. His healthy weight in the game is around 210-220 lbs, but let’s add 30 more—making him a solid 250 lbs (give or take).

Even in the game, his healthy weight would still be considered a giant of a man for that time period. So keep that in mind.

Most of that weight? Pure muscle. Beneath his soft exterior are abs of steel, and those biceps could crush skulls and give the best hugs.

He is simply just a very husky man.

Deeply, deeply insecure as all hell about his weight though. Especially with you.

Especially in the bedroom.

Arthur knows he is strong and muscular, but he fixates on the “softness” of his body. Believing it makes him less capable and less desirable.

But more personally, it serves as a constant reminder of his failures and guilt.

The gang’s comments about his appetite and size don’t help. He pretends not to care, but every jab chips away at his confidence.

He’s often seen as the "muscle," a human shield, or an intimidating force, hearing terms like “big oaf” and “dumb brute” far too often.

Absolutely hates the way his presence fills a small room.

These insecurities run so deep that Arthur refuses to take his shirt off in front of others. Always making excuses to keep it on.

His body is marked by lots of stretch marks. They trace around his sides, under his belly, thighs and shoulders. He’s grateful that his body hair covers most of them.

Some are so deep they’ve become scars.

Hyper aware and very self-conscious of them. He thinks they’re a sign of weakness and being too “soft”.

Always avoids looking at himself in the mirror. He struggles with feeling undesirable as it is, and his body only adds to that torment.

Arthur has an unhealthy relationship with food and struggles with control. His eating habits are tied closely to his emotions.

He tends to overeat to cope with intense stress, loneliness and guilt. Food is used as a comfort in these moments—but he doesn’t enjoy it.

Trying to fill an emotional void rather than physical hunger.

At other times, food feels like a reminder of his lack of control. And he deprives himself of a meal or two. Using hunger as a punishment.

Alcohol has played a part in his weight too.

Often seeking its numbness to drown out the hunger and the noise of his own thoughts.

The heavy drinking dulls his appetite and gives him an excuse to skip meals.

Though he’s known to engage in binge cycles when things start to get really bad. Overindulging in both food and alcohol to the point where he’s physically sick and emotionally raw.

Moments like this tend to isolate him from the gang. He’s unwilling to face questions and judgement so he withdraws and wanders off.

Sometimes he feels more confident after having a drink or two, the alcohol dulling his self consciousness. He hates himself for needing it, and when the false confidence fades he feels exposed.

Okay goddamn those were really sad, moving on now!

Arthur worries that his size intimidates women. Some admire his strength, while others hurl insults, leaving him to quietly fear his body might never be truly loved.

He’s too big, too rough, too much.

Sweats a lot too, he can’t help it. He’s hyper aware of his odor when he hasn’t had the time for a proper wash. And feels immensely embarrassed when other people comment on it or make a face.

Spends a lot of time comparing himself to other men. Especially ones more “acceptable” in the eyes of a woman.

Because of his size and his looks he goes out of his way to be gentle and soft-spoken around women.

(^^^this especially is so so so canon to me. He is ALWAYS respectful and gentle with women)

Constantly aware of his own strength, and oftentimes has to reel himself in so he doesn’t unintentionally hurt somebody.

Arthur is

without a doubt

the sweetest gentle giant when you get to know him.

It will take time, but when he finds a woman who accepts his body, he can be a very loving partner.

He sees you as something he can protect and comfort and care for. Someone who needs him not for his size, but for his heart.

Feeling comfortable in his own skin around you is one of the greatest things you could ever give him.

Very touch starved (ill talk more on that later) and loves to give you the softest warmest hugs.

Regardless of his reputation, he has very tender hands. Whether he’s sketching you in delicate strokes, petting his horse’s neck, tracing his thumb over your cheek, or holding your baby.

The same hands that safely cradle you every night.

Despite his relationship with food, cooking and eating are still things he genuinely enjoys.

Love to hunt and cook over an open flame. Nothing better than the taste of woodsmoke in fresh meat.

He also loves to share his food. He will always make sure you have enough to eat, and even offer his own plate if you are still hungry.

It brings him great joy to be able to provide for you.

Let’s move on to some silly sweet and smutty ones shall we? ;)

The fastest way to this man’s heart is when you cook for him.

Especially baked goods. Bake him a sweet homemade apple-pie with a thick vanilla cream on top and he's getting you pregnant. going to marry you.

You could literally be an idiot sandwhich in the kitchen and he would still praise your cooking through the roof.

Why? Because he’s already head over heels in love with you for making the effort.

He also has a huge sweet tooth. Peppermint candies are his kryptonite.

Arthur’s laughter is a full-body experience. His chest trembles, his belly shakes, his voice booms. It’s impossible not to smile and laugh along with him. His eyes crinkle in the brightest way, making his joy contagious.

His real smile is rare, but when it comes it makes your heart flutter because he is so unguarded and in the moment you can glimpse the man beneath the hardened outlaw.

Man is the ultimate heater!!!

He makes the best personal blanket. His body runs hot, and he’s the fastest way to warm your freezing hands—though he might grumble when you tuck them under his shirt, directly onto his soft chest.

Your fingers feel like damn icicles. But he just adores the way you melt into him.

Loves when you ask him to warm you up. Like yes please, let this man just hold you in a big hug and rub your arms, your legs, your back. Everywhere.

Until there isn’t a trace of your body left that hasn’t felt his loving touch.

On this topic ^

Arthur loves physical affection with you. He is so so touch starved, and he craves it more than he'll ever admit.

With others he tends to flinch away or shrug off their touch. It’s not necessarily a distrust, but more of a defense.

Freezes up the first few times you do touch him. Always afraid of ruining the moment.

You have to be patient with Arthur, touch means trust. And physical affection becomes a deeply emotional act for him—things he rarely felt in his life.

Every hug, kiss, touch (and sex) is very sacred to him.

Smell gestures mean everything to him, especially in the camp. He is not a big fan of PDA, mostly due to his own insecurities. But he is not afraid to hold your hand, kiss your temple, or playfully flick your hat.

Protective gestures when you’re out in public.

Such as resting his large hand on your back as you walk. Positioning himself so he’s always close to you. Moving you behind him when strangers approach. Holding you tightly at night.

Completely melts under your touch.

Loves when you play with his hair, kiss his forehead, run your fingers through his beard, and oh god please please touch his belly.

Tracing slow circles on his chest and down the soft curve is a surefire way to get this man on!top!of!you!

The first time your fingertips trail down his stomach he’s caught off guard by how sensitive it feels. He might be soft, but your touch sets his skin on fire.

Something about it makes him nervous yet excited. The way your hands glide over him with such care and adoration makes his doubts disappear.

For the first time, Arthur feels comfortable being shirtless. It takes him awhile to work up the courage, your words and reassurance helps enormously.

But ultimately he just craves the feeling of your hands on his bare body.

It feel like a sanctuary.

Where a woman praises a man.

Because she loved him something holy.

He loves to be skin to skin. Didn’t realize how much he needed it until you offered it to him. He finds himself seeking it out whenever he can.

Adores the feeling of your bare chest against his. The way your nipples peak and harden when they brush over his chest hairs.

Your warm breath against his neck puts him at ease and helps him relax.

SMUTTT!!!

This man is easily aroused.

He’s often overwhelmed with desire, feeling like a lovesick teenager. (He just wants to be loved so goddamn bad)

Whether it’s watching the curve of your ass as you bend over, eyes lingering on your lips while you talk, or catching the scent of your hair as you lean in to kiss him, Arthur is hopelessly smitten.

There’s really nothing you can do that won’t stir this man's cock.

Just watching you ride a horse makes the blood flow.

Arthur is nervous and very insecure about his size when it comes to sex. It would take awhile for him to work up to it. But these doubts can be kissed away with gentle patience and praise.

Personally, I think the ‘first time’ with you would be very hard for him. He is not a sex god (yet) and he’s a nervous wreck when it comes to being intimate.

I wouldn’t blame him if struggled with losing an erection when his doubts and insecurities became too loud. He would be so embarrassed and apologize a million times.

If he’s had any alcohol it only makes things worse.

Compliment him, tell him how much you love his body. How his arms make you feel safe, how his chest feels like home against your cheek.

Remind him that you accept and love every inch of him.

He loves to be praised. Arthur needs to be praised. It is his weakness and it makes him feel cherished and confident.

The love language he wants to receive is words of affirmation 1000000%

But don’t let him fool you, for as much as he loves it he will always out praise you. In the bedroom, in the kitchen, on a job. It never ends. That deep soft spoken timbre of his voice never fails to make your knees weak.

This boy is putty in your hands. Mold him into whatever you need him to be, as long as he’s yours.

When he feels your lips trace down his chest and stomach he is gone. He is completely owned by you.

His breath quickens. Cock twitching helplessly, thick and dripping with arousal. Just aching to be inside.

Once Arthur gets you below him it’s suffocating in the best possible way. Your body is completely consumed by him, like nothing exists beyond the two of you.

It's like he’s trapped you in his world and every mewl, moan and whimper you make below him is for his ears alone. When he groans into your neck you feel it in your soul.

You thought he was a big man?

Wait till he’s rubbing his cock along your folds and prodding your entrance. Wait till he’s breathing sharply through his teeth as he pushes the thick swollen head inside. Letting out a long, low groan as he carves out a space for himself within your body.

It burns white hot as he pushes in. The pain mingling with a pleasure that was born from an aching need for connection and trust.

A kind of fullness that just feels so right.

Oh but he’s kissing you and praising you and stopping to make sure you’re okay. Arthur studies your face, for any sign of discomfort. But when you give him the ‘ok’, he loses himself in your embrace.

Eager to show you the same love and devotion you’ve so freely given him. Sex is divine. It’s a moment of surrender. He lets go and he lets himself just be.

He’s not an outlaw, a gunman, a survivor—he’s just a man. Deeply in love with a woman.

Arthur spent his whole life putting up walls to protect himself. Being intimate with you means tearing them down, letting his darkest parts be seen. Scars and all.

Sex with a big man can also be awkward if you let it. Arthur is large, he takes up a lot of space. Certain positions can be hard. And softer body parts tend to move more during the act.

And that’s okay! Because you love every moment of it.

Every time you moan, kiss his neck, tug on his hair, rake your nails down his back, tighten your walls, cry out his name—he’s reminded that he is worthy of love.

Arthur never rushes through sex (unless absolutely necessary) It’s a time for him to show his adoration, to dote on you. To bring you to the edge of euphoria again and again until nothing else matters.

Those ocean blue eyes will tell you everything. His love, his fear, his gratitude. Holding his gaze is not only a huge turn on but very emotional.

You can feel the way his cock twitches inside you, and simultaneously his lip curls. Learn to read his face and you’ll know exactly when he’s about to come.

Not only will you feel it, you’ll see it in the way he loses control.

His cock hangs heavy between his legs, and his length has a lot to show for it. Arthur knows this, and he’ll spend his time getting you ready for him with his tongue and fingers.

Let the man eat you out as!much!as!he!wants!

There is no such thing as taking turns. Sit on his face, ride his goddamn nose. Squeeze his head with those beautiful thighs. Let him get drunk off that pretty pussy. The man fucking needs it.

Arthur is also a natural giver, but we all know that.

Big fan of slow, rough sex. Watching his cock slide out of your tight pussy, leaving just the tip before snapping his hips back into you.

Intoxication with how it steals your breath away with each thrust. The creamy sounds of your arousal mingled with your shaky moans make him go absolutely feral.

He has to grip the head board just to keep himself from breaking your spine with his strength.

Favorite positions are the ones where he can watch your face contort with pleasure. Often missionary or cowgirl. Sometimes doggy if he can put you in front of a mirror and make you watch.

Arthur’s vocal in bed, but only when there is little chance of being heard. He’ll sing for you when you’re alone in the wild, or cozied up in a hotel, he throws caution to the wind when you finally have your own home.

He whimpers too, and he stopped fighting them once he realized how much your cunt tightened around his cock in response.

Hear me out, after things are established between you and you’re both comfortable in bed. Sex becomes a very fun activity as much as it is a vulnerable one.

I’m not saying y’all would tell jokes in the middle (I think Arthur would be very serious) but the act itself is just fun.

Arthur’s watching your face twist in pleasure as you ride him. Sapphire blue eyes gleaming in the firelight, full of lust and hunger and something more playful. He’s gripping your bottom, initially helping your pace but now you’ve taken complete control. Using his body for your own pleasure, setting your own rhythm. Getting off on his cock.

“Yeah, you like that, huh sweet girl?” He coo’s, smacking a hand against your ass and gripping the flesh as it pillows beneath his fingers. “Like ridin’ my cock huh?”

You can only nod, and whimper out a broken “y—yes” mind too focused on not losing that pressure that’s steadily building in your belly. Rising with every bounce of your hips. Threatening to spill over at any moment.

“Yeah?” He repeats. A wicked chuckle escapes his lips. His large hands run down your chest and over your thighs, before crossing an arm behind his head. One hand still kneading the soft flesh of your waist. A smug grin tugging at his lips as he watches his cock disappear inside you. “Well go on darlin’, have your fun with me.”

Every deep groan rumbles freely from his chest as he watches you panting above him. Eyes full of love and adoration, he can feel you getting close. Gripping him so deliciously. “Fuck—Keep going baby. Keep fucking my cock with that tight pussy. You gonna come for me?”

Those words open the floodgates, your vision going blank as pleasure and stars exploded behind your eyes. Crying out his name. You hear Arthur’s stained voice as he finishes in you with a needy groan. “Th-that’s it. That’s m-my good girl.”

Aftercare king!

Arthur will wait for your breathing to slow before disturbing the peace. Letting you rest your head on his chest as he strokes your hair. He can feel your heartbeat in his belly and the feeling grounds him more than anything.

Will get you food, water, wet cloth, whatever you need. He knows you’ll be sore and exhausted the next day. It’s also his way of saying thank you for trusting him with your body.

Sex with Arthur comes with a great deal of emotion and trust. It’s one of the only moments he truly lets his guard down and lets the vulnerability’s surface.

It’s deeply personal, and he craves that connection more than anything. It’s his sacred right, his holy devotion.

Arthur loves being close with you, and he just loves you.

Over time he begins to see himself differently. He’ll never seem himself through your eyes. But instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a large, ugly, and broken man. He’ll see one worthy of love.

Instead of looking at his body and feeling shame, he’ll look at his belly and remember the tingling feeling of your lips. The soft pads of your fingers as you traced his sides, sending shivers that reached the base of his spine.

When he sees those stretch marks he’ll be reminded of how easily he can carry you. How he can provide food and shelter for you. How you’ll never have to worry because he will always shield you from the storm.

With time, he begins to take care of himself more. Drinking less, eating more regularly, and finding solace in his lover when he feels like he is slipping again. Trusting her to let him be broken and held.

Falling in love with you teaches him that healing isn’t a linear path. But your loyalty, love and kindness guide him far better than when he had been on his own.

Arthur’s finally found a place where he belongs.

And it’s with you.

That’s it folks, as you can see I’m very passionate about this subject. Ahem, if anyone would like a part 2 I would be much obliged :)

I touched on some of these HC’s in my Arthur x oc fic, if anyone is interested. I didn’t have time to dedicate the entire work to his body and self esteem issues. So this was very enjoyable for me!

[steviewashere]

CW: Infertility (Coming from my own experience just...with a uterus.)

Thinking right now about Steve who wants his own family really bad, but finds out he's 100% infertile.

He only finds out after a failed marriage. His first marriage. Has a beautiful, wonderful, just absolutely incredible wife who accepts everything about his past—stuff he won't talk about and otherwise. Yet, the one thing they knew for certain was a definite in their relationship was children. However, for some reason (that I don't have), his wife rejects the idea of adopting children. So they try. They try and try and try.

Eventually, they get their eggs and sperm analyzed. Her eggs are healthy, her uterus is fine, no complications associated with her ovaries.

Steve, in his next visit, finds out he's infertile. It's not genetically caused. His parents were very fertile, just decided to have only one child. And—maybe due to some Upside Down bullshit; bat bites being untreated, injuries being too traumatic—his sperm production and his sperm vitality are completely destroyed.

He's devastated, of course he is. Brings it up to his wife. They agree to go their separate ways because this was something they both wanted, but now can't have.

And then he just floats about for a while. Quiet and disheartened.

He goes back to Hawkins and bumps into Eddie. Now, I'm thinking, personally, that this isn't some romance story. They're strictly platonic in this scenario (for now).

They get to talking and somewhere in the conversation, Steve's infertility comes up. Eddie tries to gently explain to him that there's other options to have children. "Foster care," he says, "it's where I was for a while. You can adopt from an orphanage, from a hospital. There's always the option for surrogacy, y'know. A lot of different"—

"Eds," Steve interrupts, "I appreciate this, but I...I don't want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much to think about."

"Sorry," Eddie apologizes.

Steve just shakes his head, resigned. "It's not your fault," he murmurs, "guess I'm just upset that my body doesn't work the way it's supposed to."

"Not everybody's works the way it's supposed to, Steve."

"Yeah," he whispers, "but I was sorta hoping my own would."

There's a lull in the conversation. A long while of just silence and a cigarette being passed and the gentle rustle of trees around them. Outside, in the Forest Hills trailer park, staring down a set of rusted swings.

"How do you think I should handle this, Eddie?"

"Hm?"

"This...this body issue. What am I supposed to do about it? I'm, like...like grieving over nothing."

"You grieve, Steve," Eddie answer simply, "you get angry and you cry. That's all you can really do."

"I don't want to be angry, though. I want...I want to be happy. I want my dream to come true! I want"—he sighs and swallows and looks on ahead of him. To a place he once visited constantly when he still lived full-time in Hawkins, not just passing through. Out on a town that he once called home, a place where he couldn't be the person he wanted to be. Couldn't get what he needed.—"I want to love my kid in a way I never got."

And Eddie looks to him. To his profile. Shuffles closer, cigarette out on the porch. Arm wrapping over Steve's shoulders, tugging him in. "I know," Eddie whispers, "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm really, really sorry."

"It's not your fault, Eds."

"It's not yours either."

He keeps staring out. To a place that was hopeful. Where his dreams bared new. When things seemed reasonable and he could face everything head-on and knew exactly what he wanted for himself. A future of laughter and soft lullabies and hugs warm enough to soothe the world.

There'll be other chances. But not now. Not when he's like this.

"I know," he merely mutters, "I know."

[nburkhardt]

For for the besties: @strangersteddierthings & @i-less-than-three-you

I haven’t written anything in a week, let’s try this thing out again 🫡

“What’s the problem?”

Steve squinted his eyes and held his hand above them blocking out the bright light from the curtains, he dropped his hand against his face, groaning. Pushing himself to flop against his bed, “go away, Bobs”

Robin shoved him over and sat next to him, “nope, you’ve been pouting and as a side affects of being my soulmate, I’m pouting and over it. Sooo, what’s the problem?”

He squeezed his eyes right, moved his head and opened them to find Robin looking at him with an amused expression, “don’t look like you’re pouting”

She rolled her eyes and her expression immediately switched to a sad looking pout, it’s very puppy like and she pulls it off a little too well. “How’s that?”

Huffing a laugh, he moves to his side and eyed a patch on Robin’s jacket, it’s his favorite mostly because it’s Robin’s favorite. It’s a ice cream cone with a poorly drawn crown on top in marker.

“Better”

Robin rolled her eyes and shifted to match him, once settled, she reached over and grabbed his hand, “What’s the problem, babe?”

Steve looked down at their hands, taking a moment to figure out his thoughts. It’s nothing bad, he knows it. It’s probably going to make her laugh at him, because he’s laughed at himself about it. And they definitely share a braincell.

“I….wanna cuddle”

He mutters it without looking, it’s a little weird to admit it out loud for someone else to hear.

“What?” Robin giggles and let’s go of his hand to move his face to look at her, she’s smiling but it’s confused, “There more to that?”

Nodding he shifts his gaze to look anywhere but her eyes, “‘maybe cuddle with Eddie”

Robin gasps and her eyes light up, shaking his head before letting go and sitting up, “Babe! Steve! Really?”

She bounces in place and slapping his back, “we’ve been pouting for hours just because you wanna cuddle with Eddie, our clingy best friend that you’ve been failing to flirt with and absolutely not-so-secretly hiding that you’re in love with, that Eddie?”

Steve shifts to look up at her with a glare, “I haven’t failed, he’s just- I’m not, Birdie!”

Robin looked at him with a wide grin, “Oh, Sailor Boy! But you have and you are! You can’t lie to me, I know you too well and now…” she jumped out of bed and leaned forward to bump him on the shoulder, “now! We’re going to Eddie’s and then I’m ditching you there”

“We are not!”

Steve nearly fell over as Robin pushed him further inside the trailer.

“See you boys later!” She laughed out, pulling the door with a “I want all the details later, Sunflower!”

He glared at the door as it shut and heard Robin’s laughter as she walks away, he heard Eddie clear his throat and Steve shut his eyes, taking a breath before looking up at Eddie. He’s now sitting on the couch looking very confused.

“What the fuck was that Stevie?”

Looking back at the door and rolling his eyes, “That, Eds, was my soulmate ditching me”

Eddie snorted, “I watched the whole thing, honey boy. But why did the resident bird do that?”

Steve felt his cheeks burn, shaking his head before making a beeline for the couch and only to stop directly in front of Eddie. “She had other plans, uh- actually, I don’t know why I said that. She made me come here”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, “go on”

“Yeah she was tired of me pouting because it was making her pout and so she made me tell her, which, uh, funny thing here-” Steve knows he’s about to ramble his way through this, it’s a side effect of being Robin’s soulmate. “-Is that my problem actually sorta, uh, involves you. And well, she was very happy to well, ditch me here. Which she did already and now I’m, uh,”

It’s a little embarrassing to ramble but he really likes Eddie and he can’t help it sometimes, this metal head

“Steve?”

He snaps his gaze back to Eddie and finds him amused, “Yeah?”

“What’s the problem?”

Instead of answering, he takes a deep breath before dropping down not next to Eddie, but nearly on top of him. Shoving his head into Eddie’s shoulder to hide while wrapping his arms around him. Muttering, “cuddle?”

He feels Eddie start to laugh and gets moved just a little as Eddie moves his arms around him. Steve gets manhandled more into Eddie’s lap and he smiles against Eddie before moving his head to look up at him.

“This all you needed, stevie baby?”

Shaking his head, Steve smiles wide before moving to press his forehead against Eddie’s, “not exactly, kiss me?”

Eddie grins and closes the gap between them and Steve thinks he can get used to this.

~

I…. Don’t know where I was going. Like I said, it’s been a week since I wrote anything. I’ve had major writer’s block (I got all the ideas, words just don’t wanna word) but the besties decided to write all the sad things and one of us has to be the fluffy one. Guess that’s me haha.

I’ll catch them back tho 😏 angst is way easier and I’ve had thoughts about a part 2 for another fic of mine.

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[m-to-z-andbackto-m]

Okay so I have religious trauma and common coping mechanism is using your hyperfixation/s to explore trauma and stuff right?

Well Killer was made by an Arab creator and since we love creating casual versions where everyone has the heritage of their creator (i.e. Cross being hispanic, Dust and Farmer being Korean, etc...)

I... Also... Gave Killer religious trauma, or just a sorta cultural tradition kinda trauma because I just can't see religion existing in their world, it can, but I don't want it to be among our sillies at least (So at least background characters can still be diverse in that way)

I'm talking about this because I found the beginning of an old comic I was doodling on some paper a long time back, so lemme relay it over text for you guys

(Also note, I don't personally think of Horror as the cook of the group but I did it because I wanted the cute domestic feel that some people have their sillies in and it was a comfort comic at the time for myself so I didn't care about being accurate to my interpretation of them because I was already giving Killer religious trauma anyway, this is essentially just a comfort concept:)

[Killer casually walks by the kitchen while Horror is making something, Dust is sitting at the table in the kitchen on his phone or something]

H: "Hey Killer, wanna come try this real quick-"

[Killer speeds past and pretends to not have heard him, while walking by the viewer can see he visibly got a little tense/nervous]

[Horror is concerned and looks out the entrance]

H: "'M worried about 'im, Dust. He's been avoiding the kitchen since mornin'."

[Dust looks up and shrugs it off, not that he doesn't value Horror's concerns, but doesn't value Killer's bad behavior]

H: "Do you think it's my cooking?" [He said at the end of his short rant]

[Dust gets a little annoyed that Killer's behavior is making Horror overthink this]

D: Look, your cooking's fine, Killer's just being an ass, he'll be fine.

[Dust probably comes off harsh or dismissive because he probably wouldn't be good at comforting, Horror gets the sentiment though and that's all that matters]

I never finished the comic but the idea was that Killer was fasting secretly and eventually his behavior was noticed, I didn't really have an idea for the ending but I imagine he gets confronted about it eventually (I assume with dadmare present) and maybe the beans get spilled and they support his progress 🥺

Literally only made this as a comfort doodle because I was just done fasting I think and it's nice to have this y'know, but really I'd never subject any of my sillies to religious trauma (Unless it's plot relevant or makes sense because I remember seeing a multiverse where DreamTale's village left some religious trauma on Dream that subtly affected his mental health, so it was hard when she got older and discovered herself (Yes, Dream got she/her-ed and everything), and like y'know, stuff)

[s-e-v-e-n-24]

Hello hi friend (@knight-says-nanana) recently made this post referencing our conversation on Jervis Tetch having Wonderland nicknames for everyone but with actual Meaning to it, and I am here to share my List of them

Edward Nygma/Riddler - Dormouse

Not only could he physically resemble a dormouse (Shorter, they tend to have reddish brown/Orange coats I think?), but again, it's more about the sleepiness. The Dormouse is depicted as asleep/Always falling asleep, and only really waking up to correct Alice. Jervis's likely first or longest first meeting with Ed would be in Arkham. Arkham, where his cell has been shown to have "Keep sedated" on it

Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow - March Hare

A hare matches Jon's aesthetic. Long gangly creepy looking bunny. Typically depicted with straw on his head. It's cute if Jervis refers to him as "My dear Hare". March Hare and Hatter are friends!

And also the Hare is routinely depicted as nerve wrecked or delirious, and in adaptations, often dies or suffers

Harley Quinn - Queen of Hearts

The red and black look, the cards aesthetic already there. Plus, Queen of Hearts is childish, bad tempered, quick to overreact, very feared character (Also has a mallet). And also rarely Actually executed people. This one does play on the negatives more, due to the fact she's an antagonist (More obstacle for Alice to clear) But the queen Does have some better traits

Selina Kyle/Catwoman - Cheshire Cat

Obvious, only major cat themed rogue, but Does have deeper implications. Cat dissapears often and without a trace, seemingly or literally invisible, can go places most do not dare to. And also friendly with both the protagonist and antagonist characters. Inherently chaotic neutral force. It does what it wants for it's own entertainment. It may like Alice and act sorta as a guide sometimes, but that in no way means it sticks on her side

Hugo Strange - Gryphon

Somewhat overbearing, dismissive of the obsession and Sorrow of other characters, says they have no fact. Orders around Mock Turtle. This may not fit the greatest, but I like it

The Batman - The Jabberwock

Some unknown and all around feared cryptid? Yeah makes sense

Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin - Dodo

Flightless bird depicted with a cane. Odd, but good natured. Mostly. Does try to burn down a house as a solution to Alice being stuck in it. Organizes the Caucus races. The Dodo character/Races are meant as a critic on systems that lack clarity and decisiveness, who's actions are ultimately unhelpful or pointless

Now there are a couple I'm not entirely sure about yet. It's actually suprisingly hard to make everything fit well

Victor Fries/Mr. Freeze - White Rabbit

Because. He. Y'know. Is running out of time? I do like this one, mostly cause it's a lil funny to me. And also Freeze is mostly only an antagonist to work for his goal, the Rabbit is only "antagonist" Because he has to work for the Queen

Basil Karlo/Clayface - Mock Turtle

Melancholic, sad that it's no longer a real turtle/Just a turtle

Pamela Isely/Poison Ivy - King of Hearts/The Flowers

She is So hard to pin down. I could say Kimg of Hearts to match Harley (Moderate, calm, the one that pardons the subjects, calms the queen, later revealed just as juvenile and willing to execute), or, I could go with the flowers to match her vibe. I really do not know

Waylon Jones/Killer Croc - Jabberwocky/Duchess

Kinda hate both of these for him. Jabberwock because. The obvious. Duchess kinda due to starting off nice to the queen, then transitioning to friendly and respectful with Alice. Major temper (Nervously agressive) but not inherently bad even though she starts/Is Queen aligned?

Harvey Dent/Two Face - Tweedle Dee & Dum/The Walrus & The Carpenter

Tweedle Dee and Dum seem like the obvious answer but I kinda hate it so much. It doesn't feel like it fits and kinda feels insulting. Nothing Truly fits Two Face. Walrus and Carpenter is the closest I got. Walrus (Two Face?) The leader, conniving moocher, con man, yet hopeful of the future. Carpenter (Harvey?), believes getting an honest job will be better, still goes along with the plan, acts before he thinks, quick to anger

Joker - King of Hearts/Knave of Hearts

King to match Harley but also I dislike most adaptations so mm. Knave because he's a coward/j

[wdwdiotr]

Epilogue Sara, she becomes a flight attendant instead! Muther says shes too reckless to become a pilot.

Moreeee info beloooooowww. Kinda! I suck at writing so I'll draw these random blurts someday instead (Someday). Beware, it's super long, and super ramble-y

Oh Sara, how did she become a FLIGHT ATTENDANT of all things?

WELL! She was asked by Pete if she could drive them to this convention for nerds cuz he knew she had a driver's license, she was fine with it as long as she could drive on her scooter

But the scooter couldn't handle all their weight combined. So she had to instead borrow her mom mum's car

When she drove the boys to the comic convention, she didn't. She instead drove into a random tree. (Almost! It's not her fault she's a left hand side driver, it comes with being british!) She was able to hit the brakes fast enough before they could all die, but of course the boys were angry (Jerry less so becuz he's the word simp personified)

Bill went on a rampant about it to her, and told her basically that she was stupid enough to nearly crash a car, how was she going to drive a whole plane?! And that set something off in her, so after the drive back home (And getting in trouble) she asked her mum if she could drive her to her office on the weekends, her mum was hesitant so she resorted to begging. It worked.

Sara is basically trained once more how to drive by american standards by her mum, so she eventually got better! She asked Pete a second time if she could drive them, Bill cuts him off by telling her to fuck off. A week of begging ensued before Jerry caved and asked if she could drive him to magiccon at _____, Sara beamed with delight.

This caused a slight commotion in the club, cause on one hand, they could die, though on the other hand.. their gross minds wandered, what if Jerry is left alone with a female, in a CAR. What would've happened?? What if he gets some action before they do?! I mean they might as well die when that happens. This was one of the only times Jerry was stubborn enough to do what he actually wanted, so they couldn't convince him to just not go. (Damn.)

Jerry is sad because he genuinely did expect to get some action and some time alone with a girl. But instead he's in the backseat again with his good ol' pals. (Nothing would've happened whether they were alone together or not, Sara is as sex repulsed as a 7 year old boy who thinks cooties are real.)

OKAY ANYWAYS, after a finally peaceful and slow drive and day to magiccon, Sara huffs with pride as they got back home without crashing into any trees.

Without her notice, she got into the club! The title, Secretary of having a driver's license Aircraft was bestowed upon her. She actually did get giddy over it though.

They become friends, sort of. They're still degenerates at the end of the day. (THEY CAN'T HELP IT OKAY?!? (They can)) They treat her better after This fan, This monster.

Speaking of that! After news got out that one of her 'friends', Bill, arson-ed the only comic book shop around, her mum became stricter on her and threw out most of her stuff that sorta related to being in that club, including her scooter, helmet, and goggles!

Muther: I'm taking all these and throwing them out! I knew those boys were up to no good, they never are! (Hoo boy, projection much? But she was right, you know)

OH THE HORROR

She did feel bad for Bill, sort of.

They moved to NYC after a while so she wouldn't have a 'relapse moment and try to go back to her degenerate friends.' -Muther's words. The only way she stayed in contact with the other three were by phone booths and a dream. After turning into an adult she was able to independently get a phone of her own without her mum blasting her.

(Jerry attempts to pursue a long distance relationship with her, she ghosts him for a while because divorced child ptsd. But now they're friendly again, she's very fond of Mandi! Red haired girls!)

When college came by, she got forced to take a tourism course and become a flight attendant as her mummy thought it'd keep her on her toes. The End.

'I should've went with dad instead..' - Famous last words of Sara Calloway.

[batmanfruitloops]

regarding lazarus!riddler

Is Ed the same after being resurrected? does he stuffer from any lazarus pit side effects like lazarus pit madness? Or does Ed after being relived sorta come back “wrong”

one more question if that’s okay, how did Jo find out about the lazarus pit in the first place? did Jo found out about lazarus pit himself or did someone tell him?

He does experience Lazarus madness, yes. The best way I can describe his behavior is he becomes a lot like the Arkham series Riddler. It doesn't last as long as what others would experience though. There is a comic, I'm not sure which one I can't remember, where the Riddler uses the Lazarus pit to cure himself of cancer and because of his intelligence, it does not drive him insane. So the length of the effects is based on that fact, but y'know he still died. I'm sure dying and coming back would make anyone a little kooky. Jonathan is also a big help, Ed can never overpower Jo so he's able to keep Ed in check while he's under the effects. If Ed was able to run free he'd be acting on any impulse he had with no regard for consequence and making the effects worse. This little gremlin can make a nuke if he wants, and to have no morals holding him back is bad for everyone. Jonathan is very aware of this he will do everything to one, keep him alive and two, keep Ed from doing something he'd never forgive himself for.

I'm not entirely set on how Jo finds out about the pit. For now, I'll say it's likely he and Ed have both come across rumors and hints within Gotham's history. They would not have deliberately been looking for the pit, it just merely would have come up in Ed's snooping. Neither of them would have thought about more than it being mere mythos. All that throughout searching on Ed's part is bound to dig up something about the League of Assassins (which is something of a secret society in our version). After Ed's death, Jonathan would have been desperate enough to research more for himself. There had to be some merit to it, there had to be something.

I had some unfished/conceptual sketches on hand luckily. For some context, in the first sketch, Jo has to keep tying Ed down because otherwise, he's going to escape and make a death ray or something. He also tries his best to keep things as normal as he can for both of them. The second sketch is just to show what they look like under the effects, though I'm not too sure about the placement of the white streaks.

-Fluffy

[hiimcanadia]

Of course, I can't celebrate asexual sunday without talking about Frenchie. Flirty aroace representation. Has a queer platonic thing going on with Wee John and probably also Roach. Helps keep the snacks and drinks fresh during the ship-wide orgies cuz he's not really interested in participating. Probably got propositioned by Ed during The Bad Times and had to figure out a way to give the "it's not you, it's me" talk to his boss who sorta kidnapped him and was just sobbing loud enough for everyone to hear. He scammed a bunch of rich pricks and gave their money to their servants, which has nothing to do with his sexuality but as a fellow asexual I can only hope to do something with that great of an impact on my community someday

[suninyourmoon]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS (2)

🗣 Not professional astrologer! It’s only based on my own experience, people that i know, and self-observation. So please take with grain of salt! :D

Venus in Libra peeps could be those who keep nagging about how they want a relationship so bad. (i know a few people in my life with this placement and they can't stop complaining about how single they are help)

Leo moon are lying to themselves if they say they don't like attention. (perhaps don't realize it yet?)

A lot of Venus in Virgo people that i know at some point in their life will questioning whether they really want a marriage or not. (yeah me too)

Someone said "i can't see myself getting married. I don't know, it seems unrealistic to me" yeah you are Virgo Venus in 12th house retrograde.

I mean, Venus in Virgo itself already make this person picky when it comes to love, and then the confusion and unrealistic idea they had because of the neptune influence. And in retrograde? jeez. i believe they have been in a relationship but then the relationship they had never meet their expentation because this people have a hopeless romantic idea of what romance is.

Venus in Sagittarius / 9th need a lot of freedom. Have a special place for foreigner in ther heart. Love someone who can keep up with their wild energy. Love people who is aware of society problem. Might also into smart people. Probably like to joke around with people close to their heart as well. (or people in general)

Moon in 7th house / Moon in Libra find comfort from being around people.

or they might feel the need to be in a relationship so that they won't feel lonely. Might dealing with co-dependency. (i know it's not your fault but please seek theraphy)

Friend of mine have 7th stellium (5 planet) and i swear to god, the attachment issues they have with is not a joke. They struggle with being on their own and need someone approval in every aspect of their life. Feel like they are incomplete if they're single. Too selfless, too giving. Later in life, people with this placement might have to realize that they should learn to stand on their on feet.

Neptune in 3rd house might having a hard time to communicate what they want to say. They also might say something they don't mean.

Uranus in 3rd house saying something in such a random way. i can't understand you sometimes,,,,,,

Chiron in 2nd house peeps could deal with feeling unworthy and feel unsave. They could feel guilty if they spend money on themselves. My Friend with this placement struggle with fear of end up lacking money all the time.

TW : ED!

i've met a few people with Chiron in 1st house, all of them stuggle with self-image and body dysmorphia, and also struggling with Eating Disorder. :(

END OF WARNING

Those with Jupiter and Saturn together in 8th House will likely to be extremely wealthy. They are hardworking and blessed with money.

They might also are curious about the deeper things in live, spirituality and the theme around 8th house but at the same times fear of the unknown and uncertainty. They might be those people who want to dive deeper into sex (or just have high energy on that) and desire devoted relatonship but hold themselves back and blocking themself from intimate relationship because a deep fear of commitment. It's very frustasing when jupiter and saturn are in the same house.

this is actually synasty thingy but i felt like i need to mention this, DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE 8TH HOUSE SYNASTRY WITH WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY AT ALL🩸👄🩸 i have my experience with someone who my planets fall into their 8th house (stellium), and they are OBSESSES. I help bring their true and darker side of them so now they’re attach on me, it’s sorta my fault for trying to fix them tho that’s why i’m telling you stop messing around with this synastry if you’re not ready.

8th house placement… did astrology became your free therapy because they can validate ur emotion and understand you so damn well? Same👍🏻

Mercury-Saturn aspect, i know it’s a good thing to be careful with ur words but please say something if you really want to say it. You literally limiting ur self sometimes and overthinks a lot

There someone i know said that they don't know how to get mad and have Mars-Saturn aspect. These people (Could be Saturn in 8th house as well) might been told during their childhood that it's wrong let their temper loose so then growing up they feel guilty to express their anger and try to burry those temper.

They also could be those who struggle with supressed sexuality.

idk but my mom have Scorpio Mars and used to make a lot of sexual jokes during my childhood. (please don't do that)

Sagittarius Asc peeps i knew in the first impression look so innocently religious and calm, and they always turns out to be not. Like, literally

Thats it✨ thankyou sm and you can give me a feedback 💥 cheers peeps🫶

[crystalrainfall]

Clip for reference, this is the third episode in the series and one I personally liked alot because of multiple reasons:

It just expands a bit more on the boys earlier life and shows them being children and enjoying alchemy. It's a big contrast to how things are later, it's a needed contrast to show how messed up it is for Ed and Al to be involved with the military, to have gone through such a horrible accident with something that they used to do for fun things like making a doll for their best friend.

Winry also shows how some people outside of alchemists view alchemy. This is so necessary because fma especially fma 03 tries to ground itself to reality, exploring how real people think and feel, and despite alchemy in their world being said to be scientific, in our perspective it's not, and through winry we the audience have that link, that even to people in the anime, alchemy is still kinda Incomprehensible, scary and basically magic.

Brotherhood and the Manga doesn't mention Ishval until a bit later and I think that kinda sucks, because showing winry mourning the loss of her parents in the third episode , tells us early on that something bad happened and that the characters are aware, but at the same time don't know the exact details. I like that 03 shows the war through so many different perspectives and not just the perspective of the guilty war criminals were meant to sympathize with like in the Manga... Because honestly scar killing those state alchemists shouldn't have been a big deal because if justice existed, those alchemists would've been killed or put on trial for their crimes anyway, they just had an extended death penalty and scar just finished the deed.

And just... Showing mostly the soldiers perspective sorta demonizes scar and makes his trauma seem less significant which pissed me off, because It makes you have more sympathy for the people who are feeling guilty after committing the inhumane crime instead of the people actually hurt by the crime.

The Ishvalans have suffered greatly and are still suffering because no way is Amestris fixing its racism in just one day because a new Führer said so. They've gone through shit for years.

I just think showing us the war through the ishvalans perspective would make us care more about the ishvalans.

(one that's not just scar and that old lady but have us actually follow a character for a flashback seeing how much their life got torn to pieces!!)

additionally show us how much the actions of the military character's suck and that while they have their good moments they still suck.

(side tangent: I just find it gross how they keep on saying they want to be Führer.. Ya know still keeping the military dictatorship instead of saying stuff like, "oh I want to weaken how much control the military has on major political decisions in the country so that shit like Ishval can't happen just because some loser dictator said so." Saying Mustang becoming Führer will fix the country is so shit because it ignores the actual issue. You're just essentially saying that the dictatorship is suddenly fine now just because a "nice guy" is now in charge.)

[hy4c1nthh]

Akemi's gender identity and how it plays into their current issues!! an analysis of my own oc!!!!!!

tw for death mention (?), substance abuse mention, sh mention, ED mention

Ive been sifting them around in my head and I've finally been able to place this into play.

Akemi was assigned make at birth. They currently don't tend to associate with being outright trans, as they moreorless don't feel connected to any sort of gender. Akemi doesn't like to talk about their gender because they feel that it is unimportant. been sifting they/itjii88 prns for them in my mind since a part of them doesn't feel important enough to even be considered a human (evident thru the mahou shoujo arc, testing out their powers on okane. as okane attacks, they tell her to act as if they're a monster, attacking her, and for her to fight back against this "monster" that akemi views themself to be.) but back to my original point.

When akemi was younger, they didn't have any particular feelings on their gender. They were young, and didn't have anywhere to directly learn abt gender identity and stuffs like that. Akemi soon got involved in that early "friend group". (in quotations because they were NOT friends)

Akemi was able to be involved BECAUSE of their identity as a boy at the time, something the group members felt they could take advantage of. Something something toxic masculinity. As time went on, however, something started to sift. Akemi didn't feel like a boy. It wasn't because they wanted to be any other gender, but because they didn't feel boy enough to be one. They felt out of place, they felt like a disgrace to the gender of "male". That's when slowly they thought "maybe I'd be better off as a girl".

Around this time is also when Akemi was essentially kicked out, or left behind rather, by that group. This was middle school, and this is when things got bed. Around this time is when they started many of their bad habits. They presented themself in a much more feminine manner, identifying AS female for a short period. However, the mix of their bad habits and increasingly deteriorating mental health, they felt the same way about being a girl that they did about being male. They felt shameful to "pretend" to be a girl, as they thought they were doing. They switched between masculine presenting identifying female, or feminine presenting identifying male. In the end, they got sick of it; it being gender. Akemi felt unworthy to be listed under such labels, and just didn't even bother trying to find an umbrella term to go under. They're completely unlabeled, preferring to stay that way.

also forgot to mention that their tendency to starve themself and spark of their ED was an attempt to be "a proper girl"

Theyre okay with boyish or fem clothes, because they just can't care anymore. They can't bring themself to care, also because if they do, they might just have another crisis.

They still however, feel some sort of dysphoria. It's less of "I don't want a male body" and more "I don't want a body at all". they don't want a female body nor a male one, they're just. Akemi. They would prefer to not even be that. Now friendly reminder, Akemi is still afraid of death. They don't want to exist but since they do, they don't want to die. They don't want to go on, but they can't help but be afraid of death. Theyre not afraid of the physical pain. They're kinda...pushing it? They want to see how far they can go. even if they're conpletley down and irreparable, in the worst possible state; like a sick sorta betting game on their own life.

but that's for another time

Also last minute thought that popped into my head I forgot to mention: whenever akemi uses substances, or takes excess medication or smokes and stuff like that, or even when they cut; a lot of it can be seen as self-destruction. also when they starve themself. nowadays at least. Or destructing their own wretched body. They don't care about this body anymore, they'll abuse it all they want because they feel unworthy of having it. they don't feel good-enough for existence. or atleast..they feel like a disgrace to exist