#bad boy 5sos

[daniellesimagines]

Shot of Truth (Ashton Irwin) - Part 2

word count: 1004 requested by: @youngblood199456 (x) pronouns: she/her warnings: none fandom: 5 seconds of summer au type: exes, bad boy summary: it’s been 4 months since you made that mixtape for your ex-boyfriend, 4 months since you’d last seen him, and 4 months since you were starting to worry you’d fucked up inspired by: @bxdlvckcharm (x) and @phoenixsbby (x) authors notes: sorry this took 3 years lol other parts: part 1 / part 2

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Ashton took a deep breath before he opened the bookshop’s door, hearing the bell above his head ding. He could feel his heart beating like it was going to fall out of his chest at any moment, but he knew he could do this – he had to do this. He’d been hyping himself up for the past four months to come back into this shop and confront you about your mixtape. He hadn’t been able to think about anything other than that damn CD – that you were telling him you still loved him.

He looked around the small shop, unable to see or hear anyone around – not a cashier, not someone stocking shelves, not anyone greeting him as he entered... It was like the store was empty. He decided he’d use the opportunity of no patrons being around to find you – at least no one would be around to hear you reject him for practically ghosting you for four months.

He began walking toward the back of the shop – the only place anyone could feasibly be if they hadn’t heard someone enter – but he stopped when he heard people talking. He listened carefully upon hearing your voice, quietly making his way toward his favorite sound, and stopping at the end of the aisle of books just before he’d been spotted.

“How can he think I’m happy?” he heard you sniffle, peeking above the books to see you roughly wiping your eyes with the heel of your hand, “I’ve been miserable since the day he broke up with me and he thinks I’m happy?”

“Y/N,” your co-worker sighed, “Maybe he’s just trying to cope too. You didn’t leave that CD for nothing, did you?”

“That was months ago,” you mumbled, “If he’s listened to it, he would have said so by now. He hasn’t even come into the store since then. It probably scared him away.”

“He’s probably trying to figure out how,” she assured you, “It took you a couple weeks to come up with the idea for the CD, didn’t it? I’m sure he’s just trying to come up with an idea for a response.”

“He probably thinks I’m too clingy – that I’m too hung up on the past and am begging for him back...” you whispered, more to yourself than to Corrine, “He already broke up with me for being too much to deal with the first time around... Why would he wanna deal with this trainwreck again?”

And Ashton, finally having enough of you berating yourself, couldn’t keep himself quiet anymore.

“Because that ‘trainwreck’ is the best thing that ever happened to me!” he said angrily, making you jump when he popped out from around the corner, “And I’m not about to stand here and listen to her convince herself that I don’t love her anymore!”

Corrine rolled her eyes – took him long enough to speak up – before plucking the books out of your hands and taking the cart to finish working so you and Ashton could have a moment alone.

“A-Ashton!” you squeaked, quickly wiping the rest of your tears off of your cheeks, “What- What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to talk about that CD you left me,” he stated bluntly to keep you from avoiding it.

“You... You listened to it...?” you murmured, surprising him.

“I mean... Yeah,” he nodded, “You put it there for me to listen to, didn’t you?”

“I just... I didn’t think you did...” you admitted, keeping your gaze on your feet, “Been a while since you’ve come in here...”

“Well, uh...” he cleared his throat nervously, “Corrine wasn’t wrong when she said I’ve been trying to think of something to say.”

“I’m just- I heard you and your friend talking before... I don’t- didn’t...know you thought I was happier... I guess I just thought... You know I’m not good at talking about my feelings... I thought that would be easier... M’sorry if it made you uncomfortable...”

“Uncomfortable?” he furrowed his eyebrows, “Why would it make me uncomfortable?”

“I’m- I dunno,” you shrugged lightly, “Jus’ haven’t seen you around since then, I guess...”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” he shook his head, “I never expected you to still want me is all. Those songs you picked... That was a lot for me to hear all at once.”

“M’sorry...” you repeated in a whisper.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Y/N,” he assured you, “I know talking about how you’re feeling is difficult for you. I’m proud of you for trying anything at all.”

He saw the corner of your mouth twitch, making him barely smile as well. He watched you for a moment longer, finally realizing you hadn’t looked away from the floor.

“Hey, Y/N?” Ashton said softly, “Look at me? Please?” You barely shook your head. “Why not?” he furrowed his eyebrows again – had he done something wrong already? But, as you swallowed the lump in your throat, he could have never prepared himself for your reply.

“If I look at you again, I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you,” you confessed so lowly, he almost didn’t hear you. But when his brain finally processed your words – when he actually realized what you were telling him – he couldn’t keep himself from smiling.

“I wouldn’t tell you to stop if you did,” he promised.

You tried to slyly wipe your face again, but Ashton took your hand and pulled it back down. He then put his hands on your cheeks and lifted your head up. Your eyes finally met his, and he could tell how hard you were trying not to start crying in front of him.

“You are my favorite person in the entire world,” he whispered, swiping his thumbs underneath your eyes, “You know that, right?”

“St-Still?” your bottom lip quivered slightly, your heart racing when he smiled at you.

“Forever,” he promised, smiling even wider when you wasted no more time in kissing him.

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other parts: part 1 / part 2

master list / master list for mobile users

you can also check out my last imagine here, my to do list to see what’s coming up, and click here to go to the page for my calum fic :)

Other bad boy AUs: Ashton / Calum / Marshall / Luke / Ashton / Calum / Michael / Calum / Luke / Luke / Ashton

Other exes AUs: Ryan / Nash / Ryan / Alex / Jack / Cody / Ashton / Luke / Alex / Calum / Marshall / Ashton / Ashton / Ashton / Michael / Luke / Michael / Marshall / Luke / Luke / Calum / Marshall / Luke / Cody / Cody / Ashton / Maxx / Marshall / Trevor / Luke / Ashton

taglist: @calumhoodslays @vendylewin @lunalove25 @i-opened-the-chamber-of-secrets @maurine5sos @rachellwrites​ @itkindajusthappenedreally @breathinginthevapor @double-tap-to-edit @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you​ @silverchainbee​ @disastrxlogy @kikixfandoms @5saucewho​ @mycollectionofnuts​ @sunnysidesblog @youngblood199456 @boxofteenageideas @newhopenessie @5-seconds-of-mendes

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, let me know!

[lukemichaelcalumashton]

5sos cutting you don't go to parties from the live show is a crime against me personally

[ghost-of-you]

But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you...

[allhereincolour]

just. btw. you probably already know this but

the only thing i excel at is being extremely mentally ill <3

[tcmmoway]

graffiti [michael clifford x fem!reader]

warning: this is my first thing i ever wrote, so dont expect it to be good please

summary: michael and y/n are together in high school, but michael is the bad boy off their class. y/n is the high school sweetheart who enjoys art. michael has a huge crush on her, and asks her on a date where they go spraypaint.

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michael walked into class with his best friends, calum and ashton, as he walked in he was watching you, he always watched you. when he sat down behind you, he sighed watching you draw in your sketchbook as usually.

as you were drawing, luke sat down next to you, he was your best friend off all time. "he is watching you again y/n." he told you, you started to blush and look up from your sketchbook.

even thought michael was one off the most feared boys at your school, dated more girls then one hand can count, he would shit his pants if he wanted to ask you on a date. you were to perfect for him, to good for him.

"michael pay attention to class please." the teacher told him, he was lost in his tought again, thinking about you. "just ask her on a date already man, it would be to easy for you." calum told him, michael sighed, it wasn't as easy for him as they tought.

after class you and luke were already trying to walk out off the classroom, until someone stopped him, ashton, michael his friend. after he whispers something in luke his ear, luke started to smile and ashton grinned.

"y/n i i have to pick something up at the art classroom, are you walking with me?" luke asked and you nodded, walking to the artroom.

when you arrived luke did not walk in with you. "aren't you coming?" you asked him and he just grinned, when you turned around michael stood there.

"looks like they've brought you here i see." he chuckeld and walked over to you. "what are you doing here?" you asked him, looking confused.

"y/n i've liked you for a really long time now but i was to scared to ask you on a date." he said, toying with his fingers, they were dirty with paint on them. "would you like to go on a date with me, please?" you just giggeld. "yes of course." you smiled and walked over to him.

"oh great i tought you would say no." he finally looked up, looking you in the eyes. "oh michael don't be so silly." you laughed and grabbed his hand, looking at them. "do you paint a lot? since your hands look so dirty." you asked him and he nodded. "graffiti."

you smiled and looked up at him again. "i also like art a lot." he smiled then. "would you like me to take you there?" he asked you. "yes i would love that." you said and he smiled. "after school i will take you there alright? let me bring you to your next class so you wont miss it." he said, and he brought you to class.

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"ready to go?" he asked you when the two of you walked out off class. "yes of course." you smiled at him, walking to your locker, when all of suden luke stood next to michael. "take good care of her will you?" he told michael, and he just laughed. "i'm serious michael." he then said. "i will take good care of her don't worry luke." he said smiling grabbing your hand.

when the two of you walked out of school, you two went straight to his car. he let you step in, and then walked to his seat, sitting down and starting the car. as he drove away, you looked at him, and he smiled back to you.

when he parked the car, the two of you were at a trailerpark. you stepped out of the car, looking around. "welcome to my sketchbook." he smirked takeing your hand and walking to a wall. you looked the eyes out of your head, the artworks on the wall were amazing. "you made this?" you asked him, he smiled proudly and nodded.

"i see you finally asked her on a date." calum said, as he walked up to the two of you. "well yeah, i guess i did." he smiled and calum handed him a bottle off spray paint. "you are into graffiti too?" you asked calum. "only if someone intresting is around." he grinned and walked away. "don't mind him please." michael told you and you nodded.

"so what are you going to make?" you asked him as you sat down on the ground. "whatever you want me to make princess, hand me your sketchbook please." you grabbed your backpak, getting your sketchbook out, handing it to him.

as he looked trought it, you saw him smile, mulitpale times. "so you love drawing me i see?" he grinned, as you blushed. "well- uh- yes." you said as he sat beside you. "we can make this." he said as he showed you the page of a drawing of yours, it was a drawing off a bouqet flowers. "we?" you asked him. he lauged. "yes we y/n, a date isn't a one person thing."

you stood up, and watch him grabbing more spraypaint. "mikey i really want to, but i'm not good at this. and isn't it sort of illegal?" you asked him and he grinned. "well yes, but that doesn't take away the fun." he said as he handed you some paint, and you giggeld.

he learnd you how to work with the paint and together the two of you made an amazing painting. when the two of you were done, michael walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. you blushed as you looked at his action. "we did an amazing job, don't you think?" he smiled as you nodded.

"now lets get you home princess." he said as he let go of you. the others had already left and it was starting to get colder. you grabbed your stuff and as michael could read your mind he gave you his sweater. "i don't want you to get cold." he smiled as he took you to his car, driving you home.

"thank you for this michael, it was amazing." you told him when he parked his car infront of your house. "of course, will i see you at school tomorrow?" he asked you and you smiled. "yes, well i will see you tomorrow." you told him, and when you were on point of leaving his car, you gave him a kiss on his cheek and then left his car, disapering in to your house.

michael stayed in his car, blushing as he watched you leave. "she likes me." he said to himself as he smiled and drove away.

[edge-oftheworld]

actual though of all the lyric parallels to have the fact that lashton are like ‘don’t watch the news’ just randomly in their songs is amazing to me

[babylon-littlespace]

Looking for band agere fanfics!!!

As the title says I'm looking for band age regression fanfics! I'm starting to feel like I've read everything already...

If anyone has anything for the following bands please send them forward!! I don't mind the dynamics!!!!!

- Waterparks

- 5 Seconds of Summer

- Sleep Token

- Bad Omens (do these even exist?)

- Fall Out Boy

- Twenty One Pilots

Thanku!!!!!

[thewrittenpodcast]

I just wanna thank that one wattpad girlie years ago for including 5sos lyrics in her book before they got big I'll forever love you

[purplesweetpotatoes]

tonight's playlist: 'songs that remind me of good omens' edition

[farmlesbians]

this song was my ANTHEM

[cherrygirlfriend]

kook!reader sneaks out with bf!jj

warnings: fluff

a really quick blurb inspired by good girls by 5sos, i've been listening to them a lot lately and suddenly i'm 11 years old playing habbo with the bros again...

you're a good girl, daddy's favorite.

yet his lips on yours feel so addictive, his hands sliding up under the hem of your shirt behind the rows of books, pulling you closer.

everyone thinks you're sweet like sugar, pretty as a picture.

you have it all; a wealthy father who already planned out the next five years of your life down to the classes you'd be taking at a college he chose, one of the richest guys in town as your perfect boyfriend, an academic career to watch out for.

yet there you were, an eyeliner pencil in hand as you smudged some into your waterline, getting ready to see jj.

"if you're not more careful, you're gonna get caught." nicky piped up, scrolling on his phone on your bed.

"i know, that's what this is for." you sigh, turning to him, the boy looking at you up and down, "how do i look?"

"like a... pogue." nicky said, scrunching his nose up slightly as he took in your attire, your usual dresses and skirts replaced by a bikini top, one of jj's shirts and a pair of ripped denim shorts.

"perfect." you grin, "you remember our plan?"

"yes, don't come out of your room and if i hear your dad passing the door i'll pretend to be talking sweet nothings to you." he scoffed, "isn't it kind of weird that he lets us have sleepovers despite us 'dating'?"

"maybe he's seen you check him out." you say with a grin, "or he just hopes i baby-trap you."

"we would have a cute kid. if we end up in a lavender marriage, could we have one?"

"definitely." you said, opening your bedroom window, "tell connor i said hi."

"oh, 'hi sweetie, my girlfriend told me to say hi to you'." nicky rolled his eyes with a snort, watching as you started climbing out of your window. "tell pogue boy to bring you home at appropriate hours."

you flipped him off, before starting on your usual route out of your bedroom. and when you landed on the ground and saw him leaning against his dirt bike with his usual grin adorning his face, you couldn't help but run to him, a wide smile on your face.

jj laughed as he caught you, holding onto your waist as you kissed him, the blonde lifting you off the ground. "missed you..." he mumbled against your lips as he set you back down, his forehead connected with yours.

"i missed you too."

"ready to go?"

"where are we going?"

"somewhere we get to be alone." jj shrugged, a daring look on his eyes as you both hopped onto his bike.

your arms tightened their hold around his waist, the wind sweeping your hair back as you flew past the line between figure eight and the cut, and in that moment, it didn't matter to you that it was in the middle of the night, or that this should be the last thing you're doing with the last person you were supposed to be doing it with, all that mattered was how warm jj's body felt under your hands.

and every part of you was ecstatic when you finally got to be alone with him, to feel his hands on your body. guess good girls are just bad girls that haven't been caught.

[yzzyhee]

heartbreak girl - sjy

PAIRING: best friend!sim jaeyun x yn (fem bodied)

WARNING: pet name (angel, baby) lmk if i missed anything, slight angst..? a lot of feelings involved, kinda mean heeseung??

WC: ~5k more or less

SYNOPSIS: jake has always been there for you through thick and thin — he was always there to take away your hurt, but when were you going to realise?

PLAYLIST: 5sos - heartbreak girl

A.N: hi everyone i just wanted to say quickly that it’s my first written fic, i have no idea what im doing tbf but i just really really liked the idea for a while and decided to give it a shot .. i truly accept any constructive criticism you might have idm this will probably be the first and last time i post something but ! do let me know what you guys think, it would mean a lot !!

ps. this one is dedicated to my wife @ja3yun seriously couldn’t have done it without ur advices so seriously tysm bb!!

I. “YOU CALL ME UP // IT’S LIKE A BROKEN RECORD // SAYING THAT YOUR HEART HURTS”

Jake sighs as his phone buzzes. Picking it up he sees your caller ID and for a split of a second he doesn’t want to pick up the call. As he glances at the phone he lets himself wonder what a different life would be like; if somehow in another life he could stop caring and ignore you.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath — that could never be a possibility. He’s sure that if that another life actually exists, the universe would somehow bring him together with you and all of this would eventually happen.

“Y/N?” he answers, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Jake…” you manag to say even though your friend can barely hear your voice. “He broke up with me.” you said as a sob escaped from you.

Jake feels like his own heart is shattering. Not for your and Heeseung’s relationship that was over for now but mostly for himself. He’d seen you go through this too many times, always falling for the wrong boys and always ending up heartbroken.

“It just hurts so bad, Jake..” you cry, your voice breaking.

As you continued crying and uttering words that made Jake’s heart drop at how you seem to hate yourself now, he feels like he could punch Heeseung if he were to see him now. Even though he has been there for you through many of your previous heartbreaks and also fights with Heeseung he never heard you cry so bad.

“Hey, Y/N.. Listen to me. Take deep breaths, stop crying, angel, please.” Jake says softly and it makes you stop crying over the phone for a bit.

“You’re more than just a pretty face, okay? Don’t listen to him. You’re smart, you’re kind and you’re wicked funny.. And I guarantee there’s a guy out there who will see what I see, okay?”

You take a sharp breath and nodd but quickly mutter a “Yes” as you realize he can’t see you through the phone.

“I just.. Why does this keep happening, Jake? Why are all the guys I end up with always such assholes?”

“It’s not you, angel. You’re really amazing, you know? Sometimes people like him… just don’t realize what they have right in front of them until it’s too late. He will definitely come crawling back to you in no time.” Jake says in a playful tone but his words held some truth — even through your fights Heeseung always came back.

You chuckle and it makes Jake smile. He hates seeing or hearing you cry, especially when it’s about your relationships and how you always deem yourself unworthy of love from anyone when it’s your boyfriends who just can’t appreciate you.

“Thank you, Jake. Thank you for being a friend. It’s so late right now..I’m sorry for bothering you.”

Jake chuckles as well. “You never bother me, angel.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow at 10.”

Then the phone call abruptly comes to an end and Jake sighs for the second time that night. He knows you won’t call, especially if Heeseung puts his ego aside and comes back to you tonight.

He takes the pillow from under his head and places it on top, muffling a scream as his own mind and especially you liked to play him in circles again and again.

II. HE TREATS YOU SO BAD AND I’M SO GOOD TO YOU, IT’S NOT FAIR

“Okay, enough.” Jake says as he looks away from you and Heeseung’s display of affection. “I’m seriously happy you got back together but I am still third-wheeling here…” he lies gritting his teeth.

To you it looks like he is actually happy for you and just annoyed by your public display of love with Heeseung but in reality? No, in reality he simply can’t stand seeing you act so in love with the boy when just three days ago he insulted you, called you mean words and broke it off. Just for him to come back to you, act all sad, say sorry and you forgive him just like that.

You push Heeseung slightly off you and lean closer to Jake to take his hand in yours, giving it a small squeeze. “I’m sorry, Heeseung just really wanted to come to the drive-in movie and I couldn’t say no..”

Heeseung drags you back into him and puts a hand over your shoulder while the other is sneaking between your thighs. You giggle and slap his hand away while muttering that “Jake is right here”. Jake quickly adverts his eyes, finding the movie on the playing suddenly interesting.

“Oh, it’s getting rather chilly…” you say after a few minutes and look longingly at your boyfriend, hoping for him to get the message and give you his jacket.

“I told you to bring a jacket, dummy.” Heeseung says, rolling his eyes but making no move of giving his jacket to his girlfriend. “How about you go get us some drinks, baby? Maybe if you move a bit you can get warm.”

Jake shakes his head at his words and scoffs. He takes off his jacket and puts it on your shoulders. “Here, Y/N.”

You smile gratefully at Jake, your eyes softening. “ Thank you, Jake. You’re the best.”

“Anytime,” Jake replies, his voice gentle. He glances at Heeseung, his expression hardening. “You should take better care of her, man.”

Heeseung shrugged, not even bothering to spare Jake a look. “She’s fine. She can handle herself.”

Jake clenches his jaw, resisting the urge to say something more. He hates how Heeseung keeps treating you, how he takes you for granted and never caring. He treats you so bad and he’s so good to you — it just wasn’t fair.

During the movie that Jake paid no attention to , he couldn’t help but compare himself to Heeseung. What does Heeseung have that he doesn’t? Is it the hair, the stupid leather jacket he always wears, the bambi eyes, the way he carries himself with such confidence or the way he seems to effortlessly attract attention wherever he goes?

Or maybe you just happen to like the way Heeseung makes you feel after all. The excitement of the chase, the push and pull, the high and low that came with every fight and every word in it, making it hurt but also giving you a rush feeling.

But he knows you. In the long run you don’t actually want all of that. As he steals a glance at the two of you, he feels like he could scream out right now that you could be with him now. He could offer you love, stability. He decides to push off that idea out of his mind as fast as it came. You are happy with Heeseung for now and that’s all that matters.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, a gentle touch that brings him back to the present. He looks up to see you, seeing your soft smile but when he looks into your eyes he sees sadness lingering behind them.

“Hey, we’re going to head out… Heeseung needs to meet up with some friends.” you say quietly to Jake, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jake frowns, feeling frustrated. “You can stay, can’t you? You love this movie!” he exclaims, his voice louder than he intends, hoping that Heeseung can hear the disappointment in his voice.

You purse your lips and shake your head. With a low voice you mutter an apology and start to take his jacket off to return it to him but he stops you.

“Keep it.” Jake tells you offering a smile that doesn’t quite reaches his eyes.

You nod, getting up quickly and follow Heeseung to leave the drive-in movie location. You take one look back to wave goodbye at Jake, seeing him standing there, his eyes locked on you.

Jake watches you leave, the weight of unspoken words heavy on his heart. He waves back, his smile fading as soon as you turn away.

He closes his eyes and looks up at the sky, the cool night air brushing against his skin. The stars twinkle above, indifferent to his inner turmoil. He takes a deep breath, the chilly air filling his lungs, and lets it out slowly, his breath visible in the night air.

In the silence of the drive-in, the sound of distant car engines and the murmur of people leaving fill the background, but Jake is lost in his thoughts. He thinks about all the moments he’s shared with you, the laughter, the tears, and the quiet times where just being near you was enough. He thinks about the way Heeseung treats you, and it makes his chest tighten with frustration and longing.

Jake opens his eyes, the stars still sparkling above, offering no answers, no solace. He knows he can’t keep this to himself much longer. The longer he waits, the more he sees you getting hurt, the more it eats away at him. But he can’t do it. He knows you need to know that someone out there loves you deeply but what if it his feelings would ruin everything for good? For now, all he can do is be there for you, as he always has been. He turns away from the screen, walking slowly to his car. As he gets in and starts the engine, he glances back at the empty space where you had been sitting, the memory of your sad smile etched in his mind.

III. SOMETIMES I’M SO CLOSE TO CONFESSION

Jake sits in his room, the soft glow of his desk lamp casting long shadows across the walls. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words. For weeks now, he’s been wrestling with the idea of confessing his feelings to you, his best friend and the person he cares about most in the world. But every time he tries to gather the courage to tell you how he feels, his fears and insecurities hold him back, trapping him in a cycle of doubt and self-pity.

“Hey, Jake, are you listening?” your voice takes him out of his thoughts. You get up from the bed and go sit on the desk chair next to him.

“No, sorry.” Jake smile sheepishly. “You were saying?” he attempts to play it off.

You roll your eyes. “I was talking about this new book coming up…” you trail off, talking about the upcoming release of your favourite author.

Jake can’t help but let himself watch you. He thinks about the way you smile, the way your soft giggle fills the room and makes his heart skip a beat and the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about just like now.

And as he listens to you talk, he can’t help but feel a sense of longing wash over him, a longing to tell you how he feels, to lay his heart bare and risk it all for the chance at something more.

“Y/N I-“ Jake suddenly interrupts you but his bravery doesn’t last long.

As the moment passes, the words stick in his throat, suffocating him with their weight. He wants to tell you, he really does, but the fear of rejection holds him back, paralyzing him with its grip.

“Yes? Did you want to say something?” you ask him and look up to him just to see him shake his head and motioning for you to continue talking about the book.

And so he sits there, silent and still, watching you with a mixture of adoration and regret, wishing he could find the courage to take the leap and tell you how he feels.

As you continue to talk, oblivious to the turmoil raging within him, Jake can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to hold you in his arms, to kiss you under the stars, to whisper words of love into your ear. But for now, all he can do is watch and wait, hoping that one day, he’ll find the strength to confess his feelings and take a chance on love.

“You will come with me, right?” you say to him suddenly. “To the book release? Heeseung doesn’t want to come, he thinks it’s silly..”

Jake's heart skips a beat at your words, his mind racing with a mixture of excitement and nervousness but also anger towards Heeseung — how could he think your passion, your hobby is something silly and telling you that to your face nonetheless? Jake keeps those thoughts of your boyfriend to himself. However the thought of spending time alone with you again, of being by your side as you indulge in something you love and hanging out just like old times, fills him with a sense of warmth and anticipation.

“Of course, Y/N,” he says, his voice soft.“I’d love to come with you.”

A smile spreads across your face, and Jake feels his heart swell with happiness at the sight. For a moment, everything else fades away, leaving just the two of you, lost in the moment together.

And as you talk excitedly about the upcoming event, Jake can't help but feel a sense of hope stir within him. Maybe this is his chance, his opportunity to finally confess his feelings and take a chance on love. And as he looks into your eyes, he knows that no matter what happens, he'll always be there for you, ready to support you and cherish every moment you share together.

IV. I’M RIGHT HERE, WHEN YOU GONNA REALISE // THAT I’M YOUR CURE?

“Heeseung, what’s gotten into you?” you ask, frustration clear in your tone as you watch him pace around your living room.

Heeseung stops and scoffs. “Are you serious?”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. Ever since he tagged along to the the drive-in movie hang out between you and Jake and then found out you went with Jake to your book release event he started to act out. He rejects your ideas to go out on a date, he rejects initiating any kind of intimacy to you — even refusing to hold your hand, something he’s never done in your 6 months relationship.

You can’t help but feel confused and hurt by his sudden change in behaviour. He used to be so affectionate even if you had a fight and was always eager to show you off on dates and such but now he seems like a completely different person.

“Seriously, Heeseung. Talk to me, what’s going on?” you press, your voice tinged with worry.

Heeseung looks at you and steps closer. “You’re in love, baby.” he says while putting a strand of your hair behind your ear, smiling softly. “But not with me.”

“What?” you say, your mind racing as you try to process what he just said.

“I think you should give Jake a call.” Heeseung continues, his expression earnest though you can’t help but feel puzzled by his sudden insight. Heeseung chuckles. “C’mon, baby. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? How your eyes always light up when he’s around or how you always talk about him when he’s not and bring him up whenever there’s an opportunity? Or how you always compare what I do with what he does?”

You part your lips slightly, caught off guard by his observations. His words hit you like a bolt of lightning, sparking a flurry of emotions within you.

“But… I…” you stammer, struggling to find the words to express the tumultuous thoughts swirling in your mind.

Heeseung reaches out, gently cupping your face in his hands. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says softly. “I understand. Hell, I’d fall in love with the guy too if he were to always drop everything and be at my beck and call. How did you not realise everything sooner? I swear, he has been so obvious the past weeks.” he chuckles. “Actually, did you know he had a presentation on the day you went with him to the book release? He talked with his professor to present it earlier so he could come with you.”

Heeseung’s words hit you like a sudden gust of winter wind, cutting through the air with their sharpness and leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. His observations about Jake’s actions leave you reeling, the realization sinking in like a heavy weight on your chest.

“I… I didn’t know,” you whisper, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggle to process the information. “I didn’t realize he was going out of his way for me…”

Heeseung’s hands drop from your face, his expression softening with understanding. “It’s okay, Y/N,” he says gently, his voice a comforting presence in the midst of the storm raging inside you. “Sometimes, it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re too close to them.”

You nod slowly, feeling a sense of guilt wash over you at the thought of all the times you may have overlooked Jake’s gestures of affection. How could you have been so blind to his feelings, so oblivious to the depth of his love for you?

Heeseung leans in closer and kisses your forehead. It’s a tender, lingering kiss, filled with a mixture of sadness and acceptance. He pulls back, looking into your eyes one last time with a strained smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. The weight of the moment hangs heavy between you, and you can feel the finality in his actions. He turns and walks towards the door.

You watch him leave, your heart aching as he steps out of your apartment. The door closes behind him with a soft click, and you stand there, feeling a profound sense of loss. Part of you wants to run after him, to call him back and somehow make everything right. But you know that some things can’t be fixed with a few words.

You move to the window and peer out, hoping to catch a glimpse of Heeseung, hoping he would turn back and give you one last look. But the street below is empty, and the cold night air feels like a reflection of the unresting feeling inside you.

For the first time after a break-up, you don’t call Jake. You take the night to yourself, the silence of your apartment enveloping you like a cold winter's night. Your mind is a whirlwind of confusion and heartache, the echoes of Heeseung's words lingering like a biting chill.

As you sit alone, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, your thoughts turn to Jake. The realisation that he might have deeper feelings for you sends a shiver down your spine. You’ve always seen him as your rock, your dependable best friend, but now, faced with the possibility that his feelings might run deeper, you feel an icy grip of uncertainty and fear tighten around your heart.

You think about all the moments you’ve shared with Jake, the late-night conversations, the inside jokes, the way he’s always been there for you. How could you have been so blind to his feelings? The thought of potentially hurting him, of disrupting the comfortable dynamic you’ve always shared, fills you with a sense of dread. It’s like stepping out into the harsh winter wind, unsure if you’ll be able to find your way back to the warmth and safety you’ve known.

You wrap the blanket tighter around yourself, seeking comfort in its embrace, but your mind continues to spiral. What if you don’t feel the same way? What if your feelings for Jake are merely a reflection of your gratitude and dependence on his unwavering support? The thought of leading him on, of giving him false hope, sends a pang of guilt through you. The guilt eats at you for not noticing sooner, for being so wrapped up in your own relationships and dramas that you missed the quiet, steady love that Jake might have been offering all along. It’s a chilling thought, realizing how much you might have overlooked in your pursuit of fleeting romances with others.

Your heart and mind feel like a frozen landscape, barren and cold, with no clear path forward. You can’t deny the flutter of something more when you think of Jake, but it’s buried under layers of confusion and fear. You’ve been through so much heartache, and the idea of risking your most cherished friendship for a chance at something more feels like walking on thin ice, fragile and treacherous.

The night wears on, and the cold, empty silence of your apartment presses down on you. You long for the warmth of Jake’s presence, his soothing voice and reassuring words, but you know you can’t run to him this time. You need to sort through your feelings, to understand what’s real and what’s born out of loneliness and a desire for comfort.

As the hours pass, you come to a bittersweet realization. You need to protect Jake from potential heartbreak, to shield him from the uncertainty that’s freezing your heart. You care for him too much to risk his happiness on your unresolved feelings. And so, for the first time, you decide to face this winter storm on your own, hoping that in the process, you’ll find clarity and the strength to either embrace or gently let go of what could be.

Tomorrow, you’ll see him, and maybe the warmth of his smile will melt some of the ice around your heart. But tonight, you wrap yourself tighter in your blanket and let the winter winds of your emotions rage on, knowing that some answers can only be found in the stillness of the cold.

You don’t see him tomorrow. Instead, you chose to run from him, from his feelings and your own. The weight of your confusion and fear makes you retreat further into yourself, wrapping the cold, comforting solitude around you like a protective cloak. You bury yourself in college work, books and anything that can keep your mind occupied. Yet, in the quiet moments — those still, silent spaces between the busyness — your thoughts inevitably drift back to Jake.

The look in Jake’s eyes when he’s with you haunts you. It’s a look filled with warmth and unspoken words. A look that now seems so painfully clear in hindsight. It’s as if he’s always been there, offering you a love as constant and reassuring as the summer sun, yet you were too caught up in the fleeting, cold winter winds of other relationships to notice.

Jake’s feelings for you feel like a warm summer day. They’re gentle and persistent, bringing light and comfort into your life without demanding anything in return. His love is the kind that warms you from the inside out, melting away the icy barriers you’ve built around your heart. But now, the fear of stepping into that warmth, of risking the friendship you hold so dear, keeps you trapped in a winter of your own making.

Meanwhile, Jake is left adrift, confused and hurt by your sudden withdrawal. He tries to seek you out, to understand why you’re avoiding him, but every attempt is met with distance. He feels like he’s chasing shadows, reaching out for something that slips further away with each passing day. He even tried to talk with Heeseung, hoping that the man knows something of why you’re acting this way towards him but much like you, Heeseung avoided him.

As the days turn into a week, the winter storm within you begins to show signs of weakening. The relentless busyness that you’ve thrown yourself into can’t keep the feelings at bay forever. In those quiet moments, when you’re alone with your thoughts, you start to feel the warmth of Jake’s love seeping through the cracks in your icy defenses.

You remember the way he looked at you, the gentle, unspoken promises in his eyes. The realization that you’ve been running from something so genuine, so pure, starts to thaw the fear and confusion that have held you captive. The warmth of Jake’s love begins to melt the ice around your heart, and you start to see things more clearly.

You know you can’t avoid him forever. The thought of hurting Jake, of causing him pain with your indecision, is unbearable. You decide that it’s time to face your feelings, to confront the truth that you’ve been so afraid of. You owe it to Jake, and to yourself, to be honest about what’s in your heart.

With a deep breath, you pick up your phone and send him a message, asking to meet. The anticipation of seeing him again fills you with a mix of dread and hope. You know the conversation ahead will be difficult, but it’s the only way to move forward.

As you wait for his response, you feel a sense of clarity. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but you’re ready to step into the light, to embrace the summer warmth that Jake’s love promises. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that the path you’re most afraid of is the one that leads you to the happiness you’ve been searching for.

“Ofcourse. When and where?”

His response is immediate, no hesitation, no hint of the confusion and hurt you know he must be feeling. The simplicity of his words, the readiness to meet despite everything, brings a small, bittersweet smile to your face. You suggest a quiet café near campus, a place you both know well, and set a time for the next afternoon.

The next day, as you make your way to the café, your mind is a whirlwind of emotions. The warmth of the spring sun on your face feels like a promise, a gentle reassurance that everything might just be okay. You take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, and step inside.

Jake is already there, sitting at a corner table. The sight of him sends a rush of emotions through you — relief, nervousness and a profound sense of familiarity. He looks up as you approach, and his puppy like smile is like a beacon of warmth cutting through your lingering uncertainty.

“Hey,” he says softly, standing up to greet you.

“Hey,” you reply, your voice a little shaky. You both sit down, and for a moment, there’s an awkward silence. Jake’s eyes search your face, and you can see the questions and concern in them.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” you start, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just needed some time to think.”

Jake nods, his expression understanding but guarded. “I’ve been worried about you,” he admits. “I didn’t know what was going on, and I… I missed you.”

His words hit you like a gentle breeze, warm and reassuring, but also filled with a depth of emotion that makes your heart ache. “I missed you too,” you confess. “I needed to figure out some things… about us, about my feelings.”

Jake’s eyes widen slightly, a flicker of hope and fear crossing his face. “Us?Your feelings?” he echoes, his voice tense with anticipation.

You take a deep breath, gathering your courage. “Jake, you’ve always been there for me. You’ve been my rock, my best friend, and… I’ve realized that maybe, I’ve been blind to something that’s been right in front of me all along.”

His eyes are locked onto yours, and you can see the hope growing, the warmth in his gaze like the sun breaking through the clouds after a cold cold winter day. “What do you mean?” he asks softly.

“I mean…” you struggle to find the right words, the right way to express the tumult of emotions inside you. “I think I’ve been so caught up in my own fears and insecurities that I didn’t see what was right in front of me. You’ve always been there, and I’ve come to realize that… that I care about you, Jake. More than just as a friend.”

There, it’s out. You think as you let the words out of your mouth. The words hang in the air between you, a confession that feels both terrifying and liberating. Jake’s expression softens, a mixture of relief and overwhelming emotion flooding his face.

“I’ve cared about you for a long time.. I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner,” he admits, his voice shaking slightly. “I didn’t know how to tell you without risking what we have. But hearing you say that… it means everything to me.”

You reach across the table, taking his hand in yours. The simple touch feels like a lifeline, grounding you in this moment of vulnerability and honesty. “I’m scared, Jake,” you confess. “I’m scared of losing what we have, but I’m more scared of never knowing what we could be.”

Jake squeezes your hand, his grip warm and reassuring. “We’ll figure it out together,” he promises. “We’ve always been there for each other, and that won’t change. I want to be with you, Y/N. Not just as your friend, but as someone who loves you.”

His words are like the first true warmth of summer, melting away the last of your fears. You smile, a genuine, hopeful smile, and nod. “I want that too, Jake. I want to see where this goes, with you.”

As you sit there, hand in hand, you feel the ice around your heart finally melt away, replaced by the warmth and promise of a new beginning. The journey ahead might be uncertain, but with Jake by your side, you know you’ll face it together, one step at a time.

[seoups]

ghost of you- k. nanami

kento struggles to live with your death and the ghost of your memories that remain in your apartment. cw: angst, mentions of death, the best piece of fiction i've ever written before, and nanami grieving song: ghost of you by 5sos

"THERE'S YOUR COFFEE CUP- THE LIPSTICK STAIN FADES WITH TIME."

The words fell like stones. Nanami didn’t react at first. He only stood there; his gaze fixed somewhat over Yuji’s shoulder. The only sound to be heard was the faint clench of his jaw. The boy’s voice cracked, spilling apologies and fragments of how it happened but Nanami couldn’t hear any of it. The meaning of the words- she’s gone- had already carved themselves into silence. Nanami left the school without saying another word, heading back towards your shared apartment.

The apartment was exactly as you’d left it. His coat hung beside yours on the rack, the sleeves limp and lifeless. Your new shoes that you hadn’t had a chance to wear out yet sat neatly by the door, the laces slightly undone, just as you’d always left them. The book you were reading lay open on the coffee table, it’s spine soft with wear. It was your favorite. You’d spent years trying to get your husband to read it. Nanami had always told you that he would read it when he had more down time. He never did.

Nanami stopped in the hallway, his eyes falling on the scarf you always wore in colder weather. It lay draped over the arm of the couch, forgotten in your rush to leave.

He remembered the day you bought it. You had dragged him to a night market on a whim, despite him protesting, saying he needed to prepare for an upcoming mission.  You spotted the crimson scarf at a stall, wrapping it around your neck in a clumsy attempt to barter with the vendor, the deep red fabric standing out against your dark coat.

Now, it lay there, untouched and lifeless, the vibrant red dulled by the fading light from the window.

The scarf was the first thing he allowed himself to touch. It’s fabric was still soft but frayed at the edges, torn from the way you’d twist it between your fingers when you were nervous. He’s watched you do it hundreds of times- before battles, during arguments, and before you told him you wanted to live with him.

He ran his thumb over the worn threads, his breath unsteady. The scarf still smelled of your perfume. But he knew that would fade too, given time.

He avoided bed that night, sitting at the kitchen table until he was too exhausted to bear the thought of sitting up.

The faint smell of jasmine still lingered from the tea you’d made before you left the apartment that morning. The mug remained untouched, your reddish lipstick staining the rim.

Nanami remembered how you’d always insisted on using that specific mug, despite it’s chipped rim, cradling it in your hands like it was a prized possession. You refused to buy a different mug even when Nanami teased you for still using it.

He stared at it now, his fingers tightening around the edge of the table. He had meant to replace it. He should have.

His hand hovered over the mug, but he didn’t pick it up. Instead, he stepped back, his movements stiff and deliberate, as if afraid to disturb your daily routine.

Sometimes Nanami felt like he was seeing a ghost. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or his wish for you to come back but every now and then, he’d round the corner and see you sitting on the couch and he’d think it was the end of his bad dream.

He smelled you too. Walking down the city streets, he’d often smell the recognizable light jasmine scene of your perfume.

All he wished for was to see you once more.

Dust gathered in the apartment. Nanami noticed it one evening as the sunlight filtered through the curtains, highlighting the dust layer that had settled over the shelves. Your job was dusting. He was still used to letting you do that aspect of the housework.

Atop a shelf sat the photograph of you that Nanami had taken on your honeymoon in paris. He stood there for a long moment, admiring the candid shot of you laughing, your head tilted toward him, your eyes bright with something he couldn’t place. You’d never liked that photo, confused why Nanami insisted on framing it. It was Nanami’s favorite photo of you. He kept a copy of it in his wallet.

His hand twitched at his side, wanting to reach for the frame. Instead, he reached into his pocket and took his handkerchief, wiping the dust from the photo before turning away, the soft creak of the floorboards the only sound as he moved through the apartment.

Nights were the hardest for him. The bed was too large for just him and much too empty now, offering no comfort. He slept in hours at a time, his dreams plagued with fragments of you- your smile, the sound of your voice, the way you’d call his  nickname.

“Ken,” you smiled.

He would wake up reaching for you, only to be met with the cold sheets and a hollow ache of reality as he didn’t feel your frame wrapped around his.

Nanami avoided your things, letting them gather dust like arifacts in a museum. Your notebook, filled with scribbles of journal entries remained untouched on your bedside table.

Once, he caught himself reaching for the notebook, his fingers hovering above the cover as though it were something sacred. He ached to hear your thoughts, the stupid and the good ones. But the thought of seeing your handwriting was too much. He left it where it was, retreating back to the kitchen to try to busy himself with boring everyday tasks.

Nanami reached for your notebook one night, unable to stop himself. Both the cover and pages were worn, littered with your handwriting- small, slanted letters that trailed off into half-finished thoughts.

He flipped through it carefully, his breath catching when he found a pressed flower tucked between the pages. He remembered the day you’d put it there. It was from the park, one you had plucked during a quiet moment during your picnic date with him.

You had smiled then, tucking the flower into your notebook without a word. Now, the fragile petals crumbled at his touch, their edges browning with time.

Food tasted different now. Nanami, who had once savored the art of cooking no longer felt the warmth he once felt when he cooked for you, letting you be the first to try his new dish. Being the first one to taste his food felt wrong. He’d always let the sink have the first spoon now.

More often than not, he would set out two plates by instinct, only to stop midway, staring at the empty space at the dining table. The second plate was always returned to the cupboard after he’d finished his mechanical and tasteless meal.

Nanami refused to speak of you, not even when prompted. Not even when Gojo made an offhanded comment about how quiet his apartment was. He simply nodded, deflecting the conversation with a remark about needing to get back to work.

But the silence stretched on, growing heavier each day. He’d become just as quiet as the apartment. His colleagues noticed how he presented himself differently. He had always been quiet and reserved at work but now it felt like he was missing his soul. There was no meaning to his work any longer. He did everything mundanely. Afterall, the only reason he rushed to finish his work before was wanting to come home to you. And now, the thought of coming home was daunting.

His new routine had swallowed him whole. Missions came and went, each one lacking more and more meaning as he continued. Nanami fought like a man with nothing to lose- precise, unflinching, yet with extreme recklessness. He’d already lost everything when he lost you, the fire he once felt for sorcery being extinguished when the very thing is what had led to your demise.

Nanami stood in the doorway of the apartment, looking at your methodical mess as he did every day when he got home. The air was still, undisturbed by your absence. Yet the apartment was full of everything you’d left behind. He hadn’t dared to move anything.

He closed his eyes, the scarf clutched in his hands, drawing in a shaky breath. The crimson scarf smelled like nothing now. The smell of your perfume had faded just like the last traces of you.

a/n: this was so depressing to write but i loved every second of it

© 2024 SEOUPS do not plagiarize, steal, translate or repost my works on any platforms!

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury | end up here

a/n: i'm going FERALLLLLLL over this chapter. enjoy poisoned mercury's debut album hehe.

iv. end up here by 5sos

series masterlist | previous | next

“your band name doesn’t even make any sense,” you argued, eyes narrowing at the boy in front of you. 

luke crashed your secret spot, again, and refused to let you smoke in silence until you gave him a detailed explanation of how your day went. he knew you didn’t smoke every day, only on days that were particularly hard. he noticed that your bad days always had something to do with your dad, but it didn’t feel like the right moment to bring that up. 

anyway, you got fed up with his badgering and that stupid smirk on his face because he knew you were about to crack, and decided that if he was going to act like a toddler, you would too. hence, why you were now bringing up his band name. 

luke took offense to that because he thought the band name was cool. he was the one to suggest it. he crossed his arms over his chest, trying not to let his hurt show on his face, “what do you mean? poisoned mercury is a sick name.” 

“mercury is already poisonous. your band name is like redundant or some shit.” 

“then why did so many people in history ingest it?” luke asked, recalling the one thing he remembered from his high school history class before he dropped out. he took a drag from his cigarette, turning his body a bit so the wind didn’t blow the smoke directly in your face. 

“they fucking died, castellan,” you replied, deadpan. 

“oh,” he blinked, staring off, “i didn’t know that.” 

you rolled your eyes, a habit that you’ve picked up whenever you were with him and sat back down on the bench. luke joined you, silent as he thought about what you just said. he really needed to stop zoning out during lessons, but since he was already out of high school, he guessed it didn’t matter anymore. 

as much as you hate to admit it, luke castellan was growing on you. sure, he got on your nerves like nobody else– the boy just doesn’t quit– but, he wasn’t half as bad as you originally thought. not that you’d ever tell him that though. 

when you got back to the cabin last week after helping with concert prep, the cabin was spotless. there were no empty red bull cans in sight, the table tops were free of crumbs, floor vacuumed and mopped, and there was even a candle burning on the counter. you approached your bedroom door to find a post-it on the handle. luke’s messy writing was smudged around the corners, but you could still make out what it said. 

“five star, 

i snitched on the boys and my mom will have a stern talk with them about their cleanliness. can’t promise that people will stop talking about me, but i can promise you won’t have to live in the dojo casa house mojo or whatever it was. 

ps i’m using the spot tomorrow, just thought i should let you know. maybe we can set up a calendar for reservations. 

luke :)” 

the cabin hasn’t been as messy since. whatever may castellan told the boys worked like a charm. there was still the occasional trash, but nothing crazy. it smelled better in the cabin too, still like a boy, but it smelled like expensive cologne more than anything. cedarwood and pine. 

and thankfully, the luke castellan hype train was starting to run out of steam, with many people finally realizing that he was also just a human being and the surprising revelation that luke castellan was not entertaining anyone during his time at camp helped with it as well. you still heard whispers about him here and there, but you were glad the topic of conversation was beginning to switch to something else. 

you and luke walked to the gym and back home every morning together. he and the boys sat with you and clarisse during meals. they tagged along for music lessons and spoke to the kids, which they really appreciated. they helped the older campers with writing music, luke particularly. you’d been around a few musicians in your life and many of them only kissed ass when your dad was around, but poisoned mercury was different. they were passionate about their music. that was clear.

after a conversation with clarisse, where she managed to convince you that not all musicians are like your ex, you began to let loose a little bit. you hung out with the boys more, partly as an excuse so clarisse could hang out with chris without causing too much suspicion, and found that you actually enjoyed their company. and luke castellan? well, he wasn’t half bad. that doesn’t mean he got off easy though. 

you took a hit of your vape, facing him, “are you done interrogating me?” 

“for now, yeah,” he smiled as you shook your head. “are you coming to the concert tonight?” 

“well, i did help organize it.” 

“a simple yes would’ve sufficed, five star,” luke teased, relighting his cigarette. it was burning unevenly and luke was never one to waste his cigarettes. “you gonna watch us play?” 

“don’t have a choice. dad wants me there the whole time.” 

“you can act a little excited,” luke ran a hand through his curls, “we are pretty good, you know.” 

“i know,” you hummed. the sun was beginning to set and there was a slight breeze in the air. goosebumps formed on your skin, the t-shirt and denim shorts you wore didn’t offer much comfort. you shivered, “i have listened to your music.” 

“are you cold?” 

your teeth chattered, but you shook your head, “i’m fine.” 

luke took off his hoodie, tossing it in your direction, “take it.” 

“no,” you tossed it back to him, “told you i’m good.”

always so stubborn, luke thought.  

“if you catch a cold, that’s not on me,” he placed the hoodie on the bench between the two of you. “which songs have you listened to?” 

“kilby girl, of course. it played on the radio so much when you guys first dropped it,” you said, remembering the days where you and your hometown friends would blast it in the car. it reminded you of high school, reckless decisions, life-long memories, and the thrill of knowing you were going to be playing the sport you’d worked so hard to excel in at a d1 level in the fall. you looked at him, sincerity in your eyes, “i really like family line. it might be my favorite.” 

luke’s eyebrows shot up. not many people talked about family line. it was probably their least streamed song. they never performed the song on tour because it was difficult for luke to sing it. it was a personal song to him. it was inspired by his relationship with his father, or lack thereof. 

when poisoned mercury first got signed to olympus records, luke sent a message to his dad on facebook. luke hadn’t tried to contact him since he was ten, not since his father returned his letter to him unopened, no response but a “return to sender” stamp plastered over the envelope. but after the small congratulatory party his mom set up for the band after they signed, luke felt like a little kid again, a kid who wanted to share the great news with his dad, so he found his dad on facebook, made an account, and sent him a message. 

he didn’t get a reply, which was expected, but it felt good for a second to pretend that he had a father to tell his good news to. luke thought he didn’t care about whether or not his dad was proud of him, but when his message went from “sent” to “read” a few days later, he was brought back to those moments in his life when he cried and wondered why he wasn’t enough to make his dad stay. he wrote family line in one sitting, on his bed in his bedroom in connecticut, looking at the little league medals on his wall that seemed to mock him. 

he originally didn’t want it on the album because he felt like it didn’t fit the vibe of the rest of the songs and that it was too real, too vulnerable for a debut album, but then he played it for his mom and she loved it. she cried when she first heard it and luke knew that even if people didn’t like the song, he was going to put it out for his mom. 

“huh,” he cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure, “wasn’t expecting that one. thought you’d be more of a crash my car type of girl.” 

“i like that too,” you shrugged, “but family line. that song. i don’t think i have the words to describe it.” 

“thanks, five star,” luke looked down at his feet, taking a puff from his dying cigarette. “that’s my mom’s favorite, too.” 

“did you write it?” 

luke nodded, looking to face you. there was a new expression on your face, one that you’d never used with him before. it was a mix of disbelief and awe. he tried not to get offended that you didn’t think he could write something like family line, but he couldn’t blame you. he didn’t really portray the type of person who would be able to be that raw and vulnerable on a song. “me and trav write the lyrics for our songs, mostly. chris and connor help too, but the bulk of the lyrics are me.” 

“you need to stop doing that.”

he cocked his head to the side, crushing the cigarette butt on the hardware of the bench, “doing what?” 

“surprising me,” you shook your head, “i don’t like it.” 

“i don’t know what to tell you,” he chuckled, leaning back on the bench. he looked out into the lake, watching the sun disappear behind the mountains, “i have layers. you just gotta give me a chance.” 

“how do you do it?” you sat criss cross on the bench, leaning against the arm rest. “how do you write like that?” 

you’d always been curious about music, even if you weren’t good at it. your dad was never one to answer your questions, especially because you were interested in lyrics more than anything, and that wasn’t his forte. 

luke mimicked your actions, “i dunno. personal experience, i guess?”

you frowned, thinking about the lyrics of family line. luke never talked about his dad, but spoke highly of his mom. was family line based on his own life? if it was, his dad was an asshole. 

you relented to the cold, grabbing the hoodie that he left in between the two of you. you ignored the triumphant smile on his face when you draped the sweater over your bare legs, shielding them from the wind chills. 

he continued, “sometimes things happen to me that get me worked up and i have to write a song about it. sometimes, it’s based on my imagination. it depends.”

you wanted to ask him about his dad, but you didn’t know if he considered you guys friends yet. it’s not like you made it easy for him anyway. you could deal with the banters and annoyance, but you didn’t want to push him to talk about something he wasn’t ready to. you could be a dick, but you weren’t cruel. 

you changed the subject, “okay, let’s play a game.” 

“21 questions?” luke bit his bottom lip, trying not to laugh. he waggled his eyebrows, dodging your arm that reached out to smack him. 

“you’re gross,” you gagged, knowing the implications of the game, “no, i’m gonna ask about the songs on your album and you tell me if it’s real life or from your imagination.” 

“alright, go for it five star,” he beamed, propping his elbows on his crossed knees. he loved talking about music with anyone. he could go on and on for hours. 

“18.” 

“real,” luke snorted, remembering the first time travis pitched the idea for the song to the band, “but not my experience. it was trav. he met this girl at one of our gigs in new york, right after we got signed, and he was obsessed. she was a freshman at nyu and she kept telling him he was too young for her, even though she was just less than a year older. trav was hooked.” 

you could picture it. it was definitely something travis would do. “okay, another one of my favorites. only angel?” 

“not real,” luke shook his head, a slight blush creeping up on his face. “if you tell anyone, five star, i will vehemently deny it, but i had a crush on jade west from victorious and i wrote it about her.” 

there was something about jade west that made luke like a love-sick puppy. ignoring the fact that she was hot, her attitude was something that luke was attracted to. she had a tough exterior and acted like she didn’t care about people, but she had her moments where she was soft and kind to the people she cared about the most. luke liked that. the idea that someone could be sensitive but only to the people they deemed worthy. 

he’d spent so much of his life trying to be worthy, in whatever way the stage of his life defined it, and he craved it– a pat on the back, an approval, a confirmation that he was worthy of it. 

you threw your head back laughing, surprised by his ridiculous confession. the sound of your laughter rang across the woods, making luke smile. your voice echoed throughout the trees and he his senses were surrounded by you. it hit luke like a truck. 

he sucked in a breath, taking out his phone. he jolted from his seat for more than one reason. “shit, five star. we gotta go.” 

you took out your phone too, checking the time. your eyes widened as you got up from your seat. you threw his hoodie over to him, “fuck, we’re late.” 

the two of you raced out of the woods, arriving to the concert venue with flushed faces and rapid breaths. you could feel clarisse’s knowing eyes on you as you got ready for the concert. you tried your best to ignore it. you were going to deal with that later. 

–

“and for the final event, i know you guys are looking forward to this one,” your dad laughed into the mic. the sun was long gone and there were disco lights illuminating the stage. a smoke machine was on either corner, making it difficult to see the bottom half of the stage. you and clarisse stood in the front row, listening to the deafening cheers of the campers. “ladies and gents, welcome poisoned mercury!” 

the screams got louder which you didn’t even know was possible. travis entered the stage first, sticking his tongue out as he expertly twirled his drumsticks around his fingers. connor came in next, smiling and waving at the crowd as he plugged his guitar into the amp. chris walked in with his bass strapped around his neck, eyes immediately finding clarisse and sending her a shy smile. you nudged her teasingly, enjoying the way she blushed under the lights. 

then luke castellan walked in. he ditched his hoodie and t-shirt and walked in with a white tank top on, messing with the curls on his head. he tugged on the silver necklace around his neck as his eyes scanned the crowd. he threw a wink to the group of the older girls in the back, turning to travis to let out a laugh at their reaction. the lights on the boys were blinding and a thin layer of sweat already began to form on their skin despite the bite to the air. 

luke took center stage, picking up his guitar. he leaned over directly in front of you, fingers pretending to mess with the wires connecting his guitar to the speakers, “hey, five star.” 

he straightened his back before you could reply. clarisse’s eyes darted between you and the boy, now nudging you like you did to her earlier. you rolled your eyes, smiling at the rest of the boys as luke began talking on the mic. 

“what’s up, camp half blood?” luke screamed into the mic. the crowd roared. “we’re poisoned mercury and we are so happy to be with you guys here this summer. before we close out this awesome concert, i wanna introduce our lovely band.” 

“on drums, we have the one and only, travis stoll!” luke turned around to applaud travis as he did a little drum solo, head banging as he hit the drums. he turned to connor, “on lead guitar, we have the amazing connor stoll!” 

connor strummed his guitar, leaning over on the left side to soak in the applause of the crowd. the girls beside you swooned as he unleashed one of his award-winning smiles. 

luke faced chris, “and on bass, we have my very best friend in the entire world, my 4lifer, chris rodriguez!” clarisse cheered loudly for chris as he played a tune on his bass, mouthing, “love you, brother,” to luke as he played. the crowd quited for a second as luke addressed them again, “and my name is luke castellan. we’re poisoned mercury!” 

you turned around to look at the crowd. the size of the crowd tripled when the boys got on stage. everyone had a smile on their face, excited to hear them play. 

“the song we’ll be singing for you guys today is from our debut album,” luke adjusted his mic on the stand. he got closer to it, lips touching the metal, “this is only angel.” 

you couldn’t help but let out a laugh at their song choice. this was not the song they were supposed to sing. they’d been rehearsing kilby girl for the past week. luke saw your reaction, laughing along with you. 

the instrumentals began and you nearly missed the beat drop because of the cheers from the crowd. as the song progressed, the boys were one with the music. you watched luke sing, working the crowd like a pro. his skin glistened under the spotlight, beads of sweat tricking down the side of his face. he approached chris when the chorus started, dragging his mic stand with him. he swung his guitar around so it rested on his back as he sang the lyrics. his curls were sticking to his forehead, eyebrows raised in glee as he performed. 

you couldn’t take your eyes off the lead singer, not even when the rest of the band had their own solos in the song. your eyes were glued on luke; how his adam’s apple was on full display as he threw his head back, getting lost in the music, how his arms flexed as he wrapped the mic cord around his fist, how his thin tank top stuck to his body and how it raised when he lifted his arm up to bring the mic closer to his lips. you saw the outline of his abdomen and his v-line. 

but what really got you was his face. he looked at peace on stage, a wide smile on his face, full lips pink and glossy as he licked them in between verses. he looked incredible up there, like that was where he belonged. he was born to be on stage like this. 

“fuck,” you mumbled, applauding at the end of their song. luke’s eyes found yours as he sang the last bit of the song, smiling at you. you hoped clarisse couldn’t hear you talk to yourself. you looked down at your feet, tugging nervously on the collar of your shirt, “i get it now.”

[with-my-calamitous-love]

KATSUKI BAKUGOU PLAYLIST 💿

katsuki bakugou x reader

thought of this late last night 🤍 songs for your relationship. will probably do this the other boys + bsd

#1 THE BLONDE • TV GIRL

for all the things he’d do for you. despite putting on a tough exterior, you both know that he’s utterly wrapped around your finger. for the late nights he calls you, knowing you’re alone and wanting to make you feel warmer. for the times he’s wiped away your tears, or the times he’s whispered filthy promises into your ears when you’re out in public. everything katsuki does is for you, even if its standing out in the rain waiting for you to embrace him.

anyone who believed he didn’t have a heart had reason to believe so, but were ultimately wrong. he’d sell his soul just to love you.

#2 WASTE THE NIGHT • 5SOS

a song for late night escapades. it was rare when he got moments away from his busy, heroic life, away from the prying eyes of fans and villains who foolishly think they could take him. so when he does get those moments away, it’s without question he’ll spend them with you. wrapped up in the sheets, tasting your tongue. the salt on his skin pulls you in relentlessly, that shit eating he flashes at you because you both know he’s the best. theres smoke in his lungs from the fire that burns only for you.

he spends every night with you like it’ll be his last. watching the city lights burn away while he holds you, vowing to never make the same mistakes.

#3 BECAUSE I LIKED A BOY • SABRINA CARPENTER

for everything the press says about you dating a famous pro hero. for all the times you’ve been a home wrecker and a slut, for all the death threats and comments. everything is surface level, not knowing what your relationship with katsuki is actually like. they don’t know that he shows up to your house with stars on his eyes, late night cuddling and talks about complicated exes. they’ll tell who you are, ‘cause you don’t have a choice.

but it doesn’t matter in the end. he’ll hold you close regardless of what they call you. even if you’re not his first love, you’ll always be his favourite.

#4 MILK TEETH • NIKI

because early mornings with katsuki are a sigh to behold. the day glow seeps through the blinds, the sunlight blessing every contour of his muscles. he lazily turns over to look at you, lying on his stomach while crimson eyes flutter open. he’s got the deepest morning voice you’ve ever heard, while his bare back is on full display for you. and if its a day off, don’t even think about leaving bed. he’s an asshole with a big heart, wanting hold you close always. you never have to wait for his arms.

it hasn’t been long since the first kiss goodnight. already, he’s kissing you goodmorning, asking you about your sleep and using his warm hands to trace patterns over your body. he’s love struck. you stole his heart, and he almost thinks of you as a thief for that.

#5 DOWN BAD • T.S

loving him katsuki bakugou is otherworldly. kisses that beam you up and show you the stars. words only for you to hear, lost in your own little bubble with him. he teaches you cosmic love, a shit-eating smirk turning into a genuine smile whenever he enters the room. in the morning, all his words come out like teenage petulance. his temper and his teasing, his remarks and his nicknames. but at night he wants you and only you. fuck it if you can’t have him.