#back when I still thought the show cared about coherency lol

[staticofthetv]

Take two!

Favourite frames from the new B-Side chapter, featuring some analysis because I have coherent thoughts this time 'round :D

Beware, spoilers below for the B-Side as well as the manga

@veiled-bird that goes for you too, you're nowhere near meeting this guy yet

First up, I love this chapters art. It reminds me of when I was little and asking my dad to help my brother and I beat the last level of episode 3 in lego star wars tcs

Also the chapter title? I have so many thoughts, they'll be discussed more in depth further down but they will be discussed /pos

Numbers weapon 1 mention!! I'm very excited to (hopefully) get more lore about it. Although I am curious if it's like a contact lens or something, I thought it was closer to a surgical implant or maybe some weird side effect from using numbers weapon 1. Mostly because I don't think he's been drawn with normal eyes yet in the manga (at least from what I remember)

Either way very much hoping we get some more numbers weapon 1 lore in this :)

This whole scene but specifically "what good does a test proving I'm abnormal do" hits so hard, especially as someone diagnosed with ADHD in my late teens. Having that feeling of there's something wrong with me for so long and being brushed off every time because I didn't act like the stereotypical 10 year old boy with severe ADHD (a psychiatrist literally told me and my mum i probably had adhd but she wouldnt diagnose me,) I did start to kind of give up on ever figuring it out.

Narumi was incredibly relatable to me in the main manga (not because I'm a badass, I'm very lame lmao) because of the behaviours he exhibits, hyperfocusing on games, constant dopamine seeking (through videogames and online shopping,) needing to be fiddling with something to better process the information being given out, etc.

Narumi is also incredibly smart, its stated explicitly that he got top scores in the entrance exam and I can't imagine those tests are anywhere near easy. It gives neurodivergent kid being told they just need to apply themselves to do better in school/make friends/just function in a neurotypical way in general.

This also comes from his being kicked out of several orphanages, and then even after joining the defence force (especially after being told by Isao that they take anyone that can show skills and results) getting kicked out by the second division and every platoon in the first until he ends up under hasegawa. Considering the title too this is 100% supposed to read as the classic "troubled kid" (many of which are neurodivergent) that not many are willing to put effort into helping. Isao is giving him a way out of the life of having no home to go back to, only to be struck with the threat of getting kicked out once again a year later. Narumi is a very skilled and capable fighter and no one in their right mind would argue with that and it once again all comes down to being labelled as too difficult, hard to work with, never paying attention

This chapter just hits so close to home with me

Baby Mina!! I know there's a decent amount if it in the manga but it's still weird to see her with short hair. I love her so much

There are many more words of appreciation I have but all thought went into dissecting Narumi's character lol

And so being kicked around by hasegawa begins

I love his face here, top tier expression

And here we see Isao solidifying the thought of skill and results being all that matters, there's no way Isao was going to let Narumi get kicked out, especially not after showing aptitude for handling numbers weapon 1. I like to think at this point he does also care for Narumi, I think he sees a lot of Kikoru (or what she could be) in him and especially he sees himself in Narumi. And even though he's only ranked captain Isao would clearly fight to keep Narumi on the force (he probably already had to for Narumi to get transferred to the first division instead of just being dropped when he didn't mesh with the second)

This is also the beginning of Isao and Narumi's mentor/mentee relationship, Isao knows exactly how to handle Narumi and his child prodigy-ness and help him reach his potential as a defence force officer. I think that's part of why Isao shows little care for how Narumi handles himself when off duty, it may be that he knows he can't change Narumi in that way, it may be that he himself just doesn't care for all the professional decorum, either way Isao plays the very important role of being Narumi's main support while he's in the defence force (until Isao dies anyway, whoops.) Narumi needed a space where he could not only be himself but be accepted for it and have the trust of his peers and superiors that he would get the job done when he needs to, and whether it was on purpose or not Isao provided exactly that for him.

This also ties back into the earlier ramble about Narumi being the typical undiagnosed neurodivergent "troubled kid"

(Also the origin of what Narumi says to Kikoru ~9 years in the future :D)

Omg jaeger is canon? Kaiju no. 8 and pacific rim crossover when? /j

Another interesting tidbit about Narumi is his self confidence, he knows he's capable and isn't afraid to tell people that. He says playing support is annoying but what I see is someone that knows he can do better placed somewhere else and has decided to take that into his own hands. He won't get kicked out of the defense force but I wouldn't be surprised if he gets into a shit ton of trouble for taking Isao's words to heart and disregarding his orders, even though I do think he'll be an asset to the battle and perform better being closer to the front lines.

Poor hasegawa has his work cut out for him keeping Narumi in check (a captain and vice-captain match made in hell)

[cheeekycharchar]

A thought just hit me from the glorious GO2 trailer.. The now infamous quote overlaid on the clip of our favorite Ineffable Husbands wining and dining in their 1940's getups in the book shop…

"You know what it's like when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person." [insert the cutest lil giddy flirty angel clinking wine glasses with his demon pal clip]

…I THINK SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE A LEGIT MOVE THAT NIGHT AND IT HELD MAJOR REPERCUSSIONS FOR YEARS TO COME.

Whether it was Aziraphale or Crowley.. I think this scene.. this moment of them together.. is going to be extremely pivotal to their entire relationship for S2 and it will reverberate throughout their history together.

LET ME TRY TO EXPLAIN MY MADNESS AS COHERENTLY AS I CAN. (apologizes in advance.. lol)

It's obvious the new wine dinner date at the bookshop clip is post Blitz bombing scene from season 1 and Aziraphale finally realizing his feelings for Crowley (or finally realizing Crowley truly loves him back). But I think he still holds himself back- isn't sure of himself.

These feelings are fresh and bubbling to the top from the moment their hands touched when Crowley handed over the bag of books. And as much as he wants to lean all the way into these new giddy feelings of flirtatious love that is written all over his face, all that's in the back of his mind is.. What would heaven think? What would heaven do if they found out? Not only to him, but to Crowley?

So, he lets Crowley give him a lift back to the bookshop after the church bombing scene. He offers him some wine as a thank you for the rescue earlier that night.

And yet for Crowley, this is just yet another moment of him doing something for the Angel he cares most about- the same ol' song and dance from thousands of years. He's his normal self- holding back his feelings for Aziraphale's sake and going with the flow. But as the night progresses.. he notices something different in the air.

Aziraphale, only freshly realizing his feelings (or Crowley's feelings for him), and he starts to internally freak out because of the danger it would put them both in if they truly accepted each other's true feelings for one another. But he also feels an unbounding unbridled burst of love growing stronger as the night goes on.

AND I THINK IT'S AT THIS TIME THAT ONE OF THEM.. POSSIBLY CROWLEY.. TRIED TO MAKE A MOVE ON THE OTHER ONE DURING THIS NEW SCENE.

Ya know.. like in fanfic but FOR REALS THIS TIME.

And I'm not talking a lean in for a smooch or anything we've all read in those glorious imaginative fanfic stories over the years or whatever.. but maybe something as simple as a wandering hand across the table.. testing the waters.. a subtle inquiry looking for an invitation to take it further.. An angel.. and a demon.. finding true love and connection with one another that is beyond understanding.

And in classic defensive Aziraphale style, he pushes Crowley away before anything can go further. Hurt.. angst.. ya know. The PAIN OF REJECTION. And then they don't see each other again until Aziraphale shows up in the Bentley in the 60's to give Crowley the holy water thermos.

Remember that awkward guilty as hell look he was giving him in the car in that scene? And Crowley's complete and utter shock that Aziraphale actually gave him something so precious and dangerous for his sake after long denying him (in more ways than one)?

Crowley was probably after the holy water more than ever since after that disastrous and heartbreaking incident of being shot down in the bookshop after the Blitz.

But he won't give up on Aziraphale. All he can think is just how much more dangerous their relationship truly could become if he were ever successful in the future. He needed something to protect his Angel and himself if their budding relationship were to ever be found out by either side.

And this is where Aziraphale's "You go too fast for me, Crowley" line comes into play. Thousands of years of Crowley's past acts finally came into focus the night his books were saved and Aziraphale realizes that as much as he has loved Crowley, that he's been loved back just as long.

But if Crowley made a move on Aziraphale during this new wine scene in the bookshop, Aziraphale just wasn't ready to accept this newly budding romance (in his eyes at least) and the dangers that would come with it so soon after only just realizing everything that night. It was all too fast for him.

But Crowley didn't have as much inhibitions to hold back, so he finally tried to move the relationship further but Aziraphale was too scared and needed more time to gain the courage to rebel against everything he knows- which brought us to season one's team-up against both sides and them finally joining together on their own side together. ♥

But something about the choices made during that special moment together in the dark and quiet bookshop during WWII.. an angel and a demon truly found love in one another and one or both of them holding back for their own reasons at the time.. shifted something in the grand ineffable plan.. and maybe a song that is slowly popping up in records and juke boxes across England is hinting at something gettin' closer ;) ..I don't know.. I just sense that scene will be more important than we all can imagine for S2's plot in some important way, lol.

..Sorry for my random ramble! I hope that made any semblance of sense. I'm sure someone else has already probably thought up this theory but it's legit all I've been thinking about all day and have no real life friends to geek out about it with, lol. I honestly never make posts like this on here.. I'm just a quiet lurker geek with high hopes ^-^'

[theamityelf]

I was thinking about your Mini's au while I was making som fanart if it and I was wondering how UDG/V3 would be able to work with the concept.

I'm totally sure with Udg with V3 minis (that just seems like...not great lol) However V3 with UDG characters seem a little more fun and can we could get more creative with it instead of having just either THH or GBD as their mini senpais (although it's kinda funny to think about there being a DOUBLE amount of senpais to take care of.)

Theres kind of a lot of ways we can go with this. We could just have the main characters (WOH, Komaru and Toko) and only them. Which could result in the pairing (or more) of the V3 characters to take care of 1 of the 7 minis. (I'd say Shuichi and Kaede take care of Komaru because it's adorable. Imagine Shuichi with 2 very energetic enthusiastic girls. He'd die + Naehara maybe who knows ooooooh~)

But we could also go the route of including other characters from the game such as Yuta, Taichi, Hiroko, Izuru perchance, and even Shiro and Kuro Kumas. Add in Byakuya for some spice That would bumb us up from 7 to 11 ( bears cause I'm not totally down for it. And izu could be done differently) It makes pairs easier to divide!!

For more fun we could include Hajime and Makoto from the demo!! It evens out the characters much well and they could accompany Kaede as they did in the demo but now we have a Protag squad (yaaaaay) Additionally it allows for some good sibling bonding for Makoto and Komaru!

I was imaging that for Trial 1 they disappear halfway and nobody would be able to find them afterwards (referencing the end of the demo because it just cuts off mid trial) which adds some drama for the V3 students that were assigned to them. In a similar light, Hajime and Izuru switch places mid trial and Makoto is still nowhere to be found. Allows us to include all UDG characters present and even more issues!!

For the pairings it would be hard to say but I'm working on a chart at the moment and if interested I'll totally share it in the next ask! (I work better with charts it's unfortunate 😞)

I dunno hehe, It's really a 4 am idea it might not be coherent lmao but I had fun writing this out. Thanks for letting me get my ideas out lol, I hope you enjoy reading this!

(Btdubs I'm still working on that mini rp server, I'll get back to you when it's up and running >:D)

(Awesome!!! So exciting!!)

(Mini Classmates AU Masterlist)

I really, really like the idea of the V3 cast having to pair up to care for Mini UDG cast. I would definitely love to see your chart, if you do make one. Right now, my thoughts are:

Komaru, Toko, the Warriors of Hope, and Yuta makes eight minis for the sixteen participants.

Kaede and Shuichi can share custody of Komaru, like you said. That works great, for the reasons you said.

Himiko and Tenko can maybe share custody of Yuta, because that would be challenging for both of them for different reasons, and I find that kinda funny. They would have to adjust in cute ways. Himiko is exhausted just watching him, but he fully buys into her magic stuff, and she becomes amenable to being more active.

Kokichi and Kiibo share custody of Monaca, but Kokichi is too un-trusting to actually share custody. (The rules are still that you die if the mini you're caring for dies.) This means that, if all else goes the same (which it of course probably wouldn't), then Kiibo wouldn't be around Monaca almost at all until Chapter 5, and then he loses his antenna. Monaca would understand the significance of the antenna so quickly. Honestly, she probably clocked it long before he even lost the antenna, and she mentioned it to Kokichi early on.

(I thought about having Kokichi paired up with Gonta, but I think not doing that shows off how special it is that Kokichi trusted Gonta with some of his plans.)

Kirumi and Maki share custody of Kotoko. It would be mostly Kirumi at first, but it would bring out a very cute side of Maki.

I'm torn between having Kaito and Angie share Masaru and having Korekiyo and Angie share Jataro. But I already have a fic for Kiyo, Angie, and Jataro, so actually maybe Rantaro and Angie could share custody of Jataro. They would be so supportive and patient.

Korekiyo and Gonta share custody of Toko. Because bugs and serial killers and the arts; it just feels like it would be a cool match in a lot of ways. Toko sits on top of Gonta's bug catcher. Also, Gonta casually picks up Toko's author vocabulary. Also also, I like the idea of these three spending time together.

Kaito and Miu share custody of Masaru? They would get so parental about it so quickly. Like, they would genuinely talk to each other like divorced parents. "Has he eaten?" "You're giving him a lot of screen time." Miu has a clear willingness to be maternal at the drop of a hat, and Kaito would match Masaru's high energy and need for attention really well.

Tsumugi and Ryoma share Nagisa? Ryoma having someone to care for would be a big deal for him, and the shared mental illness would be out of this world. Tsumugi might craft a tiny Nagisa Shiota cosplay.

Again, these are just the initial brainstorm matchups, lol.

But having the participants share a mini-person goes well with the rule where two people can survive together in this one (and also maybe parallels the Monokuma-and-Monokubs dynamic, but I digress). Plus it allows the potential for drama, because it seems like it would be a no-brainer that, if you were to survive with one person, it would be the person you share a mini with, but some characters feel differently.

Maybe Kirumi is the one who cares for any minis who lose both caretakers (if that ever happens).

And maybe part of Angie's new rules, once the student council stuff starts happening, is something about sharing the minis communally as a protective measure or even turning them over to her so they're all protected in one place, but then someone points out that doing this would mean that Angie could kill anyone without consequences by killing their mini. Angie wouldn't actually do that, but whether the unspoken threat of it is intentional or not remains unclear. She doesn't end up getting everyone's minis, but maybe she gathers a few together, from other student council members. Having a lot of minis in one place has the potential to prevent one's self from being murdered.

The downside to this is that I'm now realizing that the Mini Classmate AU's are arguably more fun without plot, lol. A part of me kind of just wants these characters to hang out in the situation rather than doing a Danganronpa. But also. It's fun either way. 🤣

[tomurawr44]

would you mind writing headcanons of tomura and my oc? she’s a tall goth so i wonder what you’d think about their relationship 🫰🖤

(i’m okay with both sfw and nsfw :3)

TOMURA/OC HEADCANONS!

A/N: your oc is gorg omg! I remember seeing your posts when i first started getting back into my Tomura obsession and it forced me to lock in and actually cook up a coherent oc with lore 😭 I'm so honored I appeared on your radar🖤 maybe I'll man up and finally make my oc into a drawing to post here.... sorry if the nsfw section is short!

WARNINGS: nsfw under the cut, ooc, just assumptions based on her looks so sorry :( I DONT WANNA BUTCHER OR MISCHARACTERIZE HER SOS.....

I know you said her and tomura but toga loves her and tries to get her to hangout with her whenever Tomura has you around him.

they place their beds together in minecraft.

she has beat him in all the games he plays atleast once and he still sulks about it to this day.

they have been to the mall together and she came with him to the mall scene w/ deku to pick him up and to tell him to knock it off.

she's his collar lol she keeps him in place and to stay rational.

i would like to think she's in the league of villains.

they have painted/written on eachother's controllers, mouses, switches, and even on their clothes.

Tomura thinks her hair is really nice and just likes to carefully run his fingers through it, when i say careful i mean he individually holds locs of hair to put them between his fingers so he can run his hands through it.

Tomura thinks she's emo.

she's kind of assertive over him, but not infront of the league because she knows it'll piss him off.

one time she got so happy drunk with Tomura he had to hold her hair back while she throws up in the toilet. she's done that for him too. holding his fringe up while he vomits is such a couple thing.

twice likes to refer/compare her hair to his mask, he thinks it's cool.

dabi also thinks she's pretty chill, and wonders why she's with Tomura when obviously there's better options. (Not him, he's pretty innocent if u have read the bnha smash manga with the villains!)

he likes it when she ties her hair up.

he texts like a dad, a thumbs up or replies with some outrageously stupid image he found online.

Mr.Compress also thinks she's cool, spinner is somewhat jealous of Tomura though, but he understands why you're with him.

Magne and Toga LOVE her. as in, when the league becomes closer they've had girls sleep overs, twice was invited of course, he's the exception.

Tomura, Dabi and Spinner have eavesdropped in these conversations, mostly Tomura and Spinner while Dabi only does it if he's really bored and all he has to do is kick rocks.

Toga wears her clothes sometimes, actually, all the girls in the LoV have done a fashion show with twice.

Twice is her girls girl.

Tomura gets jealous when he walks into the sleepover room only to see you and toga cuddled up, while magne is unknowingly cuddling against twice.

he has taken a photo of it before though.

he's tried to put on height extenders inside his shoes whenever he's with the league, but after the shoe fell off because it was so loose he's never done it again.

NSFW AHEAD!

Remember when i said he likes her hair? he'll put on his gloves master gave him as a kid during sex just to grab a fistful of it and pull her by it.

he loves her chest, so much, he's constantly grabbing at it no matter what and if she tries to push him off he'll pout.

hickeys, hickeys hickeys hickeys. he loves leaving red to purple marks on her pale skin, he feels so good whenever he does that.

he likes to cum on her chest, or get a titjob while he plays some game on his computer.

they have fucked infront of AFO accidentally befor because Tomura assured her he was on mute and probably wasn't paying attention because he called out to his master several times and he got no reply. AFO just wanted to see what would happen if Tomura thought there wasn't eyes on him all the time.

he's sent her links to goth/emo pornos and says 'can we recreate this' (they always do)

he loves the height difference, he loves to nuzzle up against her chest.

he likes to fuck her with some clothes on because in his opinion it's way hotter. (ref to the 2nd pic and her top)

he likes it when she wears heels and lets him hump against her foot, especially with the height difference? he's cumming in his pants that's for sure.

he eats her pussy like a starved man, she has to pull him by the hair to get him to give her a break.

he likes choking her and seeing the red mark formed from his grip, it turns him on so much.

[j2zara]

*tapping on your window* Hi I’m sitting in my car exhausted and about to drive home but I just wanted to let you know Ellie is. In my thoughts. This is a threat. And by that I mean. I am thinking so much about her and what it means to desperately want freedom and fear that if you get it you won’t know what to do next. The goal has been to fight until you die and you didn’t realize it until you got the chance to Live. It’s not that I don’t think she can’t be gentle bc she can be. She does her best to take care of Bluejay she’s kind to J3. It’s that I think when she’s. On her Own. And there’s no one to look after except for herself. And she’s forced to look inwards. She’s terrified there’s nothing there except the parts she desperately fights against becoming. Did she ever actually train her kindness for herself or does it always have to be given to someone else. Did she accidentally train herself for a purpose after all.

Anyways yeah so she’s in my thoughts and will be during my drive home that’s all hope you’re having a good night 💖

HIIII sorry it took me a sec to form coherent sentences and not to lump this in with your tags on my "Ellie was so afraid of becoming Jace she forgot to account for becoming ankarna" post but i also know (think?) that this was sent like RIGHT after that lol.

You've kinda articulated something i didn't really think about which is such a good point in that like. I think despite trying to push for personal autonomy and choice, ellie has sharpened herself into becoming very.... specific, due to her circumstances. She wants the freedom to be small and unextraordinary and messy but she can't afford that, i think she still has to be a tool of war in order to fight at all. idk if that makes any sense. She can't back out of her path—robbed of choice when choice is all she wanted, right? She needs power in order to get anything done and she doesn't particularly want it but it feels good when you have it right? At the very least when you have it nobody else can make you feel small. Maybe that's the Ankarna impulse. To learn about war to save yourself from doom even if it contorts you into something ugly and alienated from who you used to be.

But. What even are Ellie's impulses when the fight is gone. Who is she underneath that. Like. Yeah you're right in that its like the goal is survival for so long that its like who is she when she gets a chance to just LIVE? If you define yourself against something, is that really free will, is that really freedom from the determined path? Is it freedom to be an antithesis to a thesis when you're still defined in opposition to the thesis? Is it fair to have an identity defined by hardship and struggle and opposition, would that make happiness something unfamiliar, not yours? Is it fair to anyone that if you were to get better that would make you stop being you? Like. Something something gilear—there was something about the failure i could take in stride because within it i had some sense of identity or self. Except not a bit. You know what I mean? Or is it all change. Is it unfair even on my part that she had to be defined by like. Misery and the will to fight.

(And i think i do that b/c i like that she's unpalatable, i'm always so so so resistant to impulses to characterize her as secretly soft and maternal and nurturing. But is that fair to keep her all hard edges because maybe she deserves better)

She deserves. so much. She deserves a shitty, unfurnished apartment with a small portable fan and a mattress that's still the floor b/c she still hasn't gotten a bedframe. Maybe a lawn chair and an old tv. She has to start somewhere.

I don't know where the thought of the Ankarna-Ellie stuff came from—i think from working on LJ3Porter, i felt like. I think the reason why Ellie tries to put on a show about caring about other people is b/c she's scared that her real impulses are actually selfish. Power-hungry. Afraid that her objections are not because they've all been wronged, but that she's personally been denied something. That she's not just porter-coded, but she wants to transcend porter. Be even more powerful and frightening than him. Be the thing that He covets (even if he never really saw Ankarna). Jace wants to be at Porters side as equals, J2 wants to be beneath them, and J4 wants to be above even Porter. And. She does care about others its not just an act! But I think she's just. A lot like fig. But Fig's preoccupation is about being afraid of being so so so ontologically evil b/c she's infernal. But yeah. Dedicating themselves to others b/c they're afraid of interrogating themselves, asking themselves who they really are underneath it all.

[fraterfalls]

Hi, I'm new to Blood Brothers AU and I was curious about it. Can you explain about it or show me where I can see the best explanation about it?

ohhh, dear asker, the rabbit hole i'm about to send you down... >:)

alright let me try and explain it in the most coherent way possible, it's late at night BUT i will try my best!!!

explanation under the cut!

(in general, if you're new to the bb au like this asker and trying to find your way around this overwhelming hell of an au i've concocted, i recommend you start here :D)

wow. i tried SO HARD to make this a semi-concise explanation and YET it somehow turned into a mini-fic in itself towards the end there. sighhh... (lol even still, have fun reading!)

first thing's first i need to tell you aboutttt

The Parallel World / "Better World".

in journal 3, ford mentions visiting a parallel dimension in which stan never pushed him into the portal, and instead took his journal and hid it as ford had requested.

^ some screenshots to give you the basic gist of what's going on in that dimension, everything you need to know for the time being. you can read more about it on internet archive if you like

at some point in august i reread this part of journal 3 and became obsessed with the idea of a parallel dimension. i also noticed that apart from mentioning how he never pushed ford into the portal and took the journal in this world, parallel stan is just... not really brought up. at all. ...which opens up some interesting possibilities.

as you can probably guess, this dimension features in the blood brothers au! in my interpretation, the reason stan was never mentioned is because after leaving with ford's journal, he never came back, just seemingly disappeared off the planet. parallel ford... has not been handling this well (and a certain bastard triangle only serves to play up his worst fears!), and because he has such a large student body to attend to and take care of and protect, he represses his issues, buries them under layers and layers of work and responsibilities. nobody even knows he has a brother...

not even his nephew and niece, dipper and mabel. however, they're observant as all hell. as secretive as ford is, they see past his little white lies, they see how he doesn't eat properly and falls asleep at his desk and laughs nervously when someone asks if he's alright. (i haven't talked much about the role they play in this au on tumblr, but rest assured i'll be elaborating more on it in my upcoming fic that may come out sometime within... um... the next few months to the next few decades. they're still the same old mystery twins we know and love, except now they've set their sights on figuring out what their grunkle ford is hiding. very Not What He Seems reminiscent)

alright, now that i've mostly covered the parallel world, time to move on to:

The Portal Stan AU

while i was obsessing over the Better World, a parallel dimension/"alternate universe" which already exists in canon, i started thinking about another AU which is fairly popular in the gravity falls fandom: the portal stan AU. in which stan, rather than ford, gets sent into the portal. thought it was a fantastic concept ever since i first saw it, because it opens so many doors for interesting characterization and also some good ol' angst (and later a healing arc, of course). portal stan has, after all, spent 40 or so years without a solid family base or anyone to care for him. and i can imagine that in those 30 years he spent dimension-hopping, his only thought was to return to his home dimension and see ford again. yes, he was furious and frustrated when they had that last argument, but surely in hindsight he saw how paranoid and jittery ford had been throughout their meeting. he would want to get back and make sure his brother was safe as soon as possible.

and then i had the thought which kicked off this entire au:

what if portal stan fucked up and somehow stumbled upon the parallel dimension while searching for a way home? what if portal stan and parallel ford... MET?

portal stan sees parallel ford and his situation and comes to the conclusion that, without him in the way, ford would flourish. parallel ford sees portal stan and comes to the conclusion that no matter the universe, he somehow manages to destroy stan's life just by being in it. even just knowing that the other exists exacerbates their own insecurities. IT'S SO AWFUL AND SO PERFECT.

also, portal stan couldn't be more desperate to get out of the parallel dimension- partly because he hates the reminder that ford would be better off without him, but mostly because he wants to see his real brother again. however, parallel ford has other plans for him. he's been in denial about the true fate of his own brother for a long time now, but he sees this version of stan and decides he can't afford to let go of him. (his own mental state is too fragile to accept the idea of losing stan again, even if this isn't his own stan. he already let go of him once after the WCT fiasco, and again after the journal incident. thrice is... thrice is too much.)

you may also be thinking "hey, smart guy, i actually DID read that screenshot you posted above while explaining the parallel dimension. it said parallel ford and fiddleford constructed a little something called a Vortex Neutralizer which allows for safe, bill-free multiversal travel. couldn't portal stan just use that to get out of there?"

yeaaah, parallel ford doesn't tell him about that!

he will do almost anything to keep stan with him. he is sinking his claws into that man begging him not to leave-

and stan hates him for it. tears into him with insult after insult. he can't stand this ford, why's he acting like he doesn't have everything he could ever want? (except, of course, he doesn't really hate him. after all, this is still stanford pines, maybe not his ford but he's certainly a ford. same old easily excitable nerd he used to tease back in high school. but stan still has his own ford to attend to, one who needs him more than anything... probably... hopefully, so he shuts out the part of him which is growing fond of parallel ford. tells himself not to think too much about this one. he hardly even knows him. he shouldn't have to bother.)

-

and yeah that's. i think that's enough information to take in in a single post. there's still plenty more going on with the au that i haven't touched on here, but hey that's just the premise! i would link you to more specific posts which will help you further acquaint yourself with the au, but it's. it's 2am and i am incredibly sleepy, so instead i will simply provide you with the link to the blog archive, where you can look at all the posts on here without having to scroll endlessly trying to find specific things. enjoy!!!

if you have any more questions DON'T BE AFRAID TO COME BOTHER ME ABOUT IT !!! i loved answering this ask... <3 been meaning to rewrite a better AU Premise Post than the one i made back in august anyway lol

[bandhyukoh]

Happy release day!!! What are your initial impressions of the new album??

Happy AAA release day! Fair warning: this got longer than I intended.

I absolutely love that multiple of the songs are longer than 5 minutes. It’s a preference of mine (I really love anything that is between 5 and 12 minutes). I often find that with longer tracks the song just gets taken to the next level, it feels complete because everything is fully explored and then brought back home. And with this album that is certainly the case. The album and each individual song take you on a journey where you are well taken care of despite not knowing where you are going.

I love how they have included audio clips from the recording process. It makes the songs feel alive and shows the love and care that went into creating the album.

The songs. My brief comments/thoughts/feelings – some more coherent than others:

Kite War – the perfect track to start the album. Love. We are exploring the unknown and it’s intriguing, exciting and maybe a bit scary.

Y – the way it builds, the instrumentals, Oh Hyuk’s vocals – what more could I possibly want, come on!

Antenna – beautiful, so beautiful that I could cry (I sort of did when the MV was released).

Glue – all vibes, I’m just following along and it’s all good, it’s great actually

Young Man – fun, playful, togetherness, happy, screaming at the top of my lungs

Do Nothing – a whole mood. Lyrics about avocados, and tomatoes? Lol, love it!

Aaaannnnteeeeennnaaaaaa – lying on the floor, yeah, yeah, good, all good. Water. Wind. Nature.

2F 年轻人 – Yes! Yes! It kind of has the feel of a concert and at the same time it feels intimate. I love that you can hear them laugh and work together.

The interconnected songs make it feels like we, the listeners, are part of the process of creating this album, we get to hear things we usually don’t. We are trusted with this part of the process.

Don’t get me started on the lyrics – I would just go on forever.

I prefer listening to an album from beginning to end because it has a story to tell. That is one of the things I love about HYUKOH’s music, because they are magnificent story tellers. With this album they have done it again. This album feels like it’s just full of joy and love – love for each other, love for music, their craft, love for the process/journey (with all its hardship), love for this album and how it came to be.

With new albums from HYUKOH I feel like it’s familiar and something I already know but it’s also odd listening to it because it’s obviously unfamiliar and new. It’s like meeting up with someone you love that you haven’t seen in a while and some of their mannerisms have changed and they have gone through new experiences in life and have matured. But they are still the same person you love. They return with new stories to tell and love to share. Only in this case the stories are songs. You have changed too and you meet and catch up. That’s how this album feels.  (Sappy? Yes. I’m going through it at the moment)

On a final note; I feel like this album showcases the two bands’ talents and marries them together so beautifully because they complement each other so well.

[seth-burroughs]

Showed up in a third wiki article (the ultimate evil wiki), so, of course, I am obligated to check this one thoroughly and rate it from "pretty normal wiki entry" to "defilement slavery sexual harassment ethnic persecution animal abuse cocksucker". Although I still do not think that anything else could even compare to what we all went through in march

Normal so far though I don't think I would call Yomi like, the worst of all the people in KW. Like, I'd argue that Makoto is way more influential & Huesca and of course the UG is way more evil and influential + kinda caused all of this to happen at all but like, sure, whatever. Not like I care or anything

Oh hi Makoto. Fine up to a point however yall are giving him way too much grace + him being based off of the non-evil protagonist's DNA is not relevant + you are giving him way too much grace. I believe we got a bit too lost in the ultimate evil wiki gimmick so now that Yomi is the mainboy of the page everyone else is getting exonerated in the courts. "well actually he did it all because of the guy who was the truly evil other guy aka yaoi hellsmile" no. <- that was my whole rebuttal to this statement it's all I need to say

First half fine. I think. I'm too full of ginger tea to yet form a coherent thought. sowwy unu

I do not think that him considering Project: Homunculus "the biggest stain on his career" was because he felt bad, but because it failed. It sounded pretty obvious to me that that's what he meant when we talked to him about it in ch5, plus, he committed like countless other atrocities afterwards that he also did not give a fuck about in the ethical sense. Look at this man, then look me straight in the eye, and tell me there's an ounce of remorse in his body.

Also sucks to suck about the Yomi murder plot part. If I was Huesca I would simply not let any of my coworkers much less my anonymous gmail kitten know about how I'm planning to escape my enclosure. What can I say, literally no one cared when he died especially his amapalfucker subordinate Akira who got asked to help his boss stop getting rapidly murdered rn and his first reaction was just "hmmmmm let me think :///" I love Akira. Iconic never change

I got actually surprised that they included UG lol? It really feels like everyone just forgets about them.... I'll be back in a sec,

Ok I'm back time to read this. "Whether they are truly villainous or not is made ambiguous" it really is not

Anyway this one was just kinda mid like 5/10 they didn't even accuse me of hitting the pentagon what is even the point

[j-esbian]

ok here is my hot voltron take in 2024*

it’s all right. it’s not a masterpiece but that’s ok. it holds up and i still think it’s fun

i feel like it suffered from a lot of factors while it was coming out. the rushed production (76 episodes in just 2 years), fandom expectations exploding and exceeding what the show had ever planned to do, the creators running their mouths and people putting more faith in word of god than what made it into the actual show, etc.

it’s not the pinnacle of television. i think a lot of people had high hopes when it came out; i remember a lot of folks talking about how the people who made it had worked on the last airbender, so they were expecting a similar caliber. i think a better analogy would be that this is a mech anime for western audiences where mech animes aren’t really a thing. but it struggled to deliver on that

i do think the biggest thing it suffered from was the production schedule. i still don’t understand why it was divided up the way it was, into a bunch of small, unevenly distributed seasons. there’s a lot of things that could have been executed better, but didn’t get developed in the way they should have. and the final product (for a lot of the character stuff specifically) feels like a line of tropes strung together rather than a coherent narrative, and the plot had very little thought put into it long-term (there’s almost entire seasons that give no screen time to haggar/honerva and like. maybe we could have spent a bit more time showing her pulling the strings and manipulating zarkon/sendak/etc. rather than Only focusing on them, in the seasons where they’re the villains). this is generally something i associate with things that lasted past their expiration date (like supernatural lol). i would have to look more closely into the development of the later seasons, because it really gives the impression they just had to run with their first thoughts and didn’t have time to flesh things out properly, especially in contrast to the seasons with lotor because they were almost cooking with that

for example, they almost sold me that allura had developed feelings for lance, but then in order to make it clear, they started making her all blushy and awkward around him because That’s A Trope People Understand That Means A Girl Likes A Boy, when that was really never who she was. they reached for it as shorthand to signal to the audience but didn’t really think too deeply about Who they were applying it to. the whole thing with shiro’s partner (and ambiguous autoimmune disease that exists only for one scene) would have been nothing if the creators hadn’t hyped it up so much beforehand, and if a little more time had been given and a little more care had gone into the scenes where that mattered, and if there had been literally any indication of it in the previous 6 seasons. they could have thought about how audiences would interpret pidge’s gender fuckery and done something to address that to avoid accusations of queerbaiting. it just added drama to season 1, they made a bathroom joke in season 2, and then forgot it was ever a plot point. whenever keith is on screen he’s the main character. he has the most developed arc out of any of the paladins (finding his family, becoming a leader, learning to not be such a loner) but again, whole swathes of episodes go by without him. and in his absence no one else really takes the spotlight. it just focuses on plot. hunk doesn’t really get anything to do until season 7, and it’s a very good scene where he’s jealous of lance and pidge for having their families back but it also feels like the first time he’s taken seriously in 60+ episodes. et cetera.

*big caveat that i just finished season 7, and season 8 was where i lost interest and never finished. i know The Big Thing that happened in season 8 and i can see where they were coming from. i’m sure they were thinking about doing a Big Damn Sacrifice and making some statement about the loss of the Old World to give birth to the New. i just don’t think they were mindful of 1) who they were sacrificing or 2) the fact that they were telling this story in the real world, where there’s countless other stories about black women being denied happiness in order to further someone else’s story. i don’t think this show Uniquely Hates Women because it has the same level of sexism that’s present pretty much across the board in modern sci-fi. they didn’t need to shoehorn in the romance but they clearly tried to be more mindful than the original (instead of Zero female paladins, there were two for most of the show.) they definitely had huge blind spots and i’m not excusing that but i do think that doesn’t cancel out everything else. it seems to be due to obliviousness rather than active malice. but again, i have yet to watch the final episodes

[crguang]

Sorry for double asking but what makes you like Zoya?? I feel like what I’m about to say is gonna get me sniped or outcasted but I don’t get the appeal of her. Like she attractive and hot but I honestly just can’t see her that way lowkey. I do admire her for wanting to change syndicate even if she knows the way isn’t through violence (which is something she’s know all her life) and is honestly willing to put her trust in this newbie, literally just woke up a week ago, chief. Cuz she sees that there’s a way forward through them for her and her people. Like it’s fascinating(?) to see her be able to look past the experience that the chief does not have and give them a chance, a footing if you will, in a world that doesn’t really want them. And literally put her life on the line and reputation too just so they can start making a difference.

Hopefully that reads coherently, honestly first time really writing down my thoughts like this in a while so hopefully it’s not a bunch of nonsense.

Tho…. I do think her an Bai Yi should sloppy, mouth open, kiss on the bike that she has. Can you imagine the soft sex they could have when Bai Yi got her out of the BR and she brought her back to her place or an hideout of some sort. Bai Yi telling her she’s an idiot while she patches up her wounds and probably even gives her bath too. After get her all cleaned and bandaged up she finally breaks down to which she’s kinda embarrassed by but doesn’t care because this woman almost fucking died because of some rando chief (I’m pretty sure they haven’t really met yet at this point) and Zoya leans towards her, pressing her forehead against hers and tell her she’s sorry and that she saw a chance for a better life for the legion, syndicate…. them.

She tells her she’ll make up for what happened before giving her a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth, Bai Yi looking at her a little stunned at the gesture but closes that gap between them that she didn’t even realize was so small and how she could feel Zoya’s hot breath on her lips. The kiss gets heated but not by too much cuz she’s doesn’t want to hurt her but Zoya tells her she’s a tough cookie, surviving being a freaking corpus for a BR. A very cocky smile on her face as looks at her with a desire she so desperately wants to show her. And Bai Yi give her a little pinch on her arm, letting out a weak laugh, telling her that she could’ve died. Zoya immediately telling her “but I didn’t did it.” Bai Yi nodding and then leaning into kiss her so fucking softly that it’s like she pressed a marshmallow to her lips or even a cloud perhaps.

And then they fuck with Zoya laying about ever so soft kisses on her skin and giving her little nibbles here and there. Making sure she could feel how much Zoya wants her NEEDS her and how much she cares for in the night.

…… okay I’m done lol hopefully that’s okay to put in your asks …. Ok bye 👋🏾 🧍🏾‍♀️🧍🏾‍♀️

-🍷

you asked why i liked zoya then answered your own question gehdbdjfn i love her for the same things you said. she’s a product of a super violent environment and she uses her power to change the city for the better. she knows new things cant be built on violence but it’s all she has and she’s still putting it to good use; her character arc was honestly amazinggg she’s been a favorite ever since. like yeah shes hot and her dick is big (i would know) but i just feel so hype whenever she’s on the screen, she’s one of those characters where they show up and you breathe a sigh of relief because you know they’re gonna win. she’s so cool !!! she’s cocky but she earned it because no one can beat her fr😭 her consciousness was being torn apart for i cant remember how long inside BR-004 and she still fought to the END! she’s sooo inspiring. chief barely did anything; zoya was the one who fought back and allowed earl/bai yi/chief to save her, if she was any weaker she would’ve turned into a corpus. there’s a lot of comfort that comes with being so strong, she makes others feel safe whenever she’s around and that’s so precious in a place like syndicate where suffering is the norm. seeing how she was treated growing up, the people she’s lost and how she turned into such a compassionate person anyway warmed my heart. character wise, she’ll always be on top, she’s a real comfort character fr— i’m literally like horo. like just know that i will gas her up every time, i’ll suck her dick every time! that’s my commander. my GOAT. she made the story click for me, i was intrigued before but when she showed up?! it was gigglefest. people said she sucked gameplay wise and GUESS WHAT. GOT HER ANYWAY. THATS MY TROPHY WIFE! she loves me so bad she came home in 2 pulls. what we have is something so real, so special and beautiful.

also yes that is definitely okay to put in my inbox i get fanfiction for free lmfaooo, bai yi is always next to zoya in some way in official art like she wants her so bad. she’s so annoying (affectionate) i still havent forgiven her for taking zoya from me though… literally stole my wife for over six months and it was never mentioned again like?;?;$:$ tbf i only just started ch.11 but stilllll— WHERE IS ZOYA. but it’s funny that you want them being soft and cute cause the bai yi/zoya stuff that i see is just them fucking nasty jdjfkgkg i havent even met bai yi (properly) in the story yet but i already love them because i know they would banter like crazy since bai’s a menace AND strong enough to hold her own against corpus!zoya so she must be super cocky too… if there’s no space for a third all i need is the tape🙂‍↕️

[dreaming-of-mossballs]

hii so I'm like a super ultra silent reader of your content bc I am deathly afraid of my liked posts showing up on my friends' feeds. but I had to somehow let you know that even though you seem to be having some sort of burnout and unhappiness with your writing, as someone who's very very picky about what writing I even enjoy, your writing style and skill is definitely some of my favorite on the app at all. I totally understand being unhappy with your own work since I'm an artist too (albeit a visual artist so, not quite the same here but the idea applies), and I can relate to being unsatisfied with whatever it is you're putting out there. but basically, I just wanted to let you know from an outside view, your writing is extremely eloquent and well-put-together and organized. you can tell your writing is created with a lot of thought and time put into it, which is why it's so easy to enjoy. and side note, I LITERALLY haven't been able to stop thinking of your last post since I read it yesterday which almost never happens 😭. honestly even though there's like 5 gepard fans on here so he gets practically no content from anyone, I'd still prefer to have your writing carrying the "fanclub" of sorts over a large crop of posts from lots of people that isnt very well-done or thought about. I know you said this recent post may be your last one for a bit, so please, PLEASE take your time with whatever's next!! your stuff is always very much worth the wait ❤️ and please do take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard.

(by the way, you totally don't need to post this on your profile or respond to it at all, I just wanted to send in some kind of message about it since as I mentioned, my paranoia prevents me from interacting with your posts directly 😞)

CRYINGB UGLY SOBBING OMGOMGOMG

It surprises me when people say I don’t need to respond because I can’t keep such a nice note to myself 😭 but I do the same thing when I’m sending asks so I totally get it (I’d get this tattooed on my forehead if no one stopped me)

i had NO IDEA I had a super ultra silent reader so this was an absolute joy to get. There was a post I saw earlier about how in fandoms, it’s either you talking with a small group of friends or your door is open and people come in and listen to you ramble. I’m definitely the latter. I’m so fortunate to have so many people invested in my story lol, because like most things I write, they start off as daydreams in bed. I’ve never written one out before, but I’m SO GLAD I DID.

And honestly, if I were to release something the quality I wanted it to be, it would take ages of rereading and refining. Unfortunately im not a very gifted writer, but all the practice I’ve gotten due to being obsessed with gepard has helped me a bit. I just have to remember that haha

Some less coherent thoughts

ITS EASY TO UNDERSTAND???? YAY IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHH

i actually based my style off the wings of fire series, i don’t know if y’all are familiar with it, but the introspective humor was so fun to me as a child. (Also I love using Chekhov’s gun as a crutch I’m sorry guys) it also stemmed from the worry that readers wouldn’t be able to visualize what I was picturing, so that ended up in a LOT of describing scenes early on. With no metaphors so it was just like. (Y/N) set the cup down, (Y/N) put the laundry in the washer, etc. hahaha it makes me laugh looking back on it

it also makes me absolutely kicking my feet giddy that it’s invaded your brain. I love giving people brain worms and inflicting emotional damage on them. And gepard ALWAYS shares posts with other Hsr men like. The absolute middle child treatment. But I’m glad I’m doing my part to bring something to the table that’s different than the usual 1k words he gets sandwiched in between five other people.

it makes me so so happy you think my writing is organized and well thought out, because I do put a lot of thought into it!

I’ve run out of words to say but i might come back to this to ramble pfft

i hope that fic gives you a good supply of serotonin for days to come 🩵🩵

[002yb]

Current thoughts: the titans 2018 tv show understandably has to deviate from dc’s messy comic timelines for coherency - and thus the need to rewrite a major part of everybody's origins- but i wanna see what would happen if everything was comic adjacent timeline wise - other then the titan's timeline. I.e. dick and Jason meet far before, Nightwing being far more established when the titans come together again and how this affects the narrative.

Basically established relationship dickjay but they don't really recognize it as anything relationship-wise (platonically or romantically), they just have this notion of “hes mine - im his” so it comes naturally. Their natural functional codependency and how Jason’s death leads to far more drastic reactions. (Because Dick Grayon hallucinated Jason for a while - just to talk to him, keep him sane, just to have his little wing back for a minute. Because Dick Grayson beat the joker to death for uttering Jason's name.)

Unironically this started because pre-crisis red-head Jason is very dear to me and he had to dye his hair to emulate dick, but I also need people to dip into the potential of him having to wear mascara and other makeup to hide other features. Just a scene of Dick watching him in the mornings, red roots and freckled face stumbling about - purely Jason - before he hides himself from the world. Maybe Dick is a bit mournful that he has to go through this length, maybe he's humored at the sight of Jason struggling with mascara so early in the morning, maybe he gets a lick of possessiveness at the fact that nobody will see Jason the way he can. And then it expanded to (everything else). (And maybe after it all he has the fleeting thought of how pretty he is in his mind, and if Jason is strangely flushed under his stare he doesn't comment.)



Also : @coffeestainsonpaper - nothing posted yet though…but there are plans i promise :,,)

Oh~ pre-established dickjay with a loosely defined, companionable relationship? Sign me up, this sounds lovely. Especially with this being their starting point! Having zero context to explain their closeness and the intimacy they share, leaving everyone to sum it up to being a 'Robin' thing, lol. This is a really cute and sweet concept, for real.

Sort of related but kind of not, but like - an AU where Dick finds his own replacement (Jason). No animosity, no drama, no angst (in the sense of jealousy or insecurity or inconsideration). Because Dick recognizes that he's outgrowing this mantle and identity he's created; it's something he sits with and stresses over for some time. Resentment growing only because he feels stifled, obligated to care for one city (Gotham), one person (Batman). It makes him feel cagey, clipped. Even still, he's resigned because discipline is in his blood, but duty was beaten into him after a decade long career of vigilantism.

And Dick just sort of spirals, losing sight of what it is Robin means to him - what it should be to this city. How he can change, adapt, grow within a cage.

And it's not that Dick passes the responsibility to Jason so that Dick can get gone - he would recognize that Jason is different. He's like Bruce (with that close relationship to Gotham), only more (because Bruce was hurt by Gotham; Jason was born from it). Jason cares for and understands the city, it's community. He knows how it works in a different way than Bruce. Jason wants and tries to help (via crime to help himself, a growing community of transients, working girls, streetkids, etc). Jason stands up for those in need although he's a runt, less than a hundred pounds soaking wet - a firecracker, steeled and gritty and wonderful.

There's something hopeful about Jason, though Dick doesn't doubt that the kid will get himself killed with how he throws himself into fights he can't win.

Which leads to Robin being a bit of a guardian angel with looking out for him.

And like. Takes of Jason being prickly at that sort of attention is cool and all, but what if he was just a sweetheart lol. Just very !! at Robin coming to defend him because guess what? Robin has been his hero for so long. An inspiration. A hope that people like Jason can be safe and protected and cared for.

Needless to say, Dick comes to love him. Quietly. With so much affection.

Jason is kind and caring and compassionate. He's tough and scrappy and resilient - always standing up after getting knocked down, always trying again and again -

Of course Jason was going to be Dick's legacy.

And uh. Yes. So much digressing here LOL. But basically Dick and Jason having a good relationship before Dick leaves Gotham and even after. Jason is Dick's Robin, after all. So they stay close. And when Dick calls, Jason comes. And it's easy between them; they're fond of each other and happy because at the core of their relationship - they see hope in one another.

Hm. Another digression mid paragraph?? Idk where the thoughts are anymore but hahaha love your idea of pre-established nightwing/robin!!

As for red-head Jason with the makeup - that could be fun! Anything with Dick quietly admiring Jason and contemplating him while also potentially being all possessive over what people do and don't see of Jason I'm all sorts of down for hahaha. Possessive!Dick is top tier.

I feel like a lot of people (I've only talked to like, two people ever so maybe not LOLOL) like red-head Jason, so potentially a hot take, but~ I'm fond of dark haired Jason because like. The comedic potential of someone asking Dick if he's attracted to Jason because Jason looks vaguely similar to him is so fucking funny to me ahahahahaha.

Sorry this took so long to reply to, anon. Life is a time. ;U;

edit: hello, hello all the best with the tumbling @coffeestainsonpaper ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯I forgot to reply to this portion of the ask whoops I hope I was the first follow though LOL

[megamindslair]

Wedding Night

Moving my fics to @megamindsecretlair

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. You are in charge of your own reading experience. There is smut! Loki x Blackfem!reader. Fingering and oral (reader receiving), p in v sex. Apologies in advance if I offend anyone.

Summary: While you are no strangers to each other, you had just gotten married and are enjoying your first night of wedded bliss.

Word Count: 2,791k

A/N: Decided to stop being a little punk and posted this. This was purely fun for me and I don't see myself stopping. Be gentle with me LOL

Wedding Night

You stared out of the nearly floor to ceiling window, looking down at the expanse of Asgard. The sun dipped low in the sky as it was approaching nightfall. Asgard at twilight was about as close to perfection one could get. 

The towering spires reached towards the heavens. Lights began to wink into existence one at a time as people settled in for the night or ramped up their activities for the evening. In the distance, the rainbow bridge shined in a multitude of colors. Ships were hauling into the bays for the end of shift.

Heat pressed into your back. A hand snaked around your curvy waist and pulled you against a wall of solid muscle. “Nervous, wife?” 

Loki’s rumbling timbre sent shivers down your spine. How was it that you’d known this man all your life and were still amazed by the simple sound of his voice? 

His lips kissed the back of your head and then he placed his chin on top of your head. He leaned his right arm against the windowsill. The smell of him, all spice and woodsmoke, was intoxicating. Without magic, he was perfectly capable of weaving a spell designed to make your pussy throb with vicious need.

“Not at all. Just wondering if we should close the window. We don’t want everyone to hear how loud you are,” you said. 

Loki’s answering laugh shook him and in turn shook you, since he stood so close. “Careful, you know what happens when you’re naughty,” he whispered in your ear. He lifted the hand that had been around your waist and pulled your hair back from your face. His soft lips kissed a line from your ear to your neck.

“Naughty, you say?” Your voice was breathy. He couldn’t really expect you to have coherent thoughts when his lips were on your skin. He nipped the bit of your neck where it met your shoulder. He hummed and the sound vibrated on your overheated skin.

The breeze from the window did little to dull your excitement. You had been in this chamber, naked, plenty of times. Playing all manners of games and never growing bored by Loki or what wonders your combined magic could create. But tonight was different no matter how many ways you spun it.

His free hand found your left hand and he brought it up to his face. He placed a kiss on top of your wedding band. It was a simple braided, gold band. He had offered to get you something bigger, flashier, or more obnoxious. But this little band was perfect. 

“I thought you liked when I was naughty?” You asked. 

He grabbed your waist and spun you around. His crystal blue eyes bore into yours with a unique passion you hadn’t experienced in anyone else. His chest was bare showing off his muscles and the way they flexed whenever he moved. He wore loose green pants that rode low on his lean hips. His hair was black as midnight, slicked back, and showed off the angles of his face. “Your reward will be far greater if you’re good,” he said.

“Tell me more about these rewards, husband,” you said, trying the title out. And you liked it.

“Oh the rewards are too many to name,” he said. He shook his head playfully. He sank to his knees slowly, maintaining eye contact with you. He licked his lips as he gathered the hem of your blue dress and lifted it enough to sneak his hands underneath.

His fingers kneaded and rubbed your calves and then the back of your knees. You giggled but were honestly too distracted to laugh properly. He made his way to your thighs and you moaned with the contact.

“For example, good girls are worshiped. They are adored,” he said. He placed a kiss over your belly as his hands slid higher, hooking his long, delicate fingers around your panties. He slid them down your thighs. The thin material coasted with ease and you bit your lip to keep from moaning too loud. You were too high to really be in danger of anyone hearing you, but the thought of it still thrilled you.

You held on to him as you lifted one leg out of your panties and then the other. The wind from the window blew his hair around his shoulders. He was so painfully beautiful. The way he was on his knees at your feet nearly brought tears to your eyes. 

But then his hands went higher, grabbing your round ass and squeezing hard. Squeaks and squeals escaped you as his fingers found all your pressure points. Your hands twisted in his hair as you lightly scratched at his scalp. He hummed in pleasure and tilted his head to rub against your arm.

He rose, your dress riding up higher and higher until it gathered at your waist. Were someone to look up, they’d get a generous view of your ass. Loki leaned down and placed a kiss at your check.

“On the bed. Now.” The gravel in his voice slid along your nerves in the most delightful way possible.

You swung your hips as you drifted over to his massive bed. Truly, it was huge. And it still managed to look tiny in his bedroom. The floor was dark stone and heated by the fireplace burning brightly. There were couches and a table arranged in front of it. On either side of the fireplace, entirely too close for comfort, there were floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with hundreds of books.

Besides the entrance, there were two other doors leading to his walk-in closet (he was a diva after all) and the bathroom. Well, you ought to stop saying “his” things. This room was technically yours as well after the grandiose wedding that was only a few hours ago.

You gather up the dress and place a knee onto the bed. It sank beneath your weight. Being in this bed was like laying on a cloud. You placed the other knee on the bed and then fell forward on all fours, crawling to the middle of the bed. The weight of his gaze excited you, making you clench painfully. 

Once in the middle, you flipped over. Loki stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at you. His pants tented with the evidence of his erection. He idly rubbed it as he took in your prone figure. 

Slowly, you dragged your dress higher until the hem reached past your hips. You exposed yourself to him. He groaned as you opened your legs and let him see all of you. 

The breeze from outside battled the heat from inside and flowed over your pussy, alerting you to just how wet you were for him. He waved a hand and the ceiling disappeared, replaced with thousands of stars. 

You gasped. “Loki,” you said. He said your name reverently. Above you, the stars were both close and so far away. There was a spectrum of colors in an arch above you, moving across the galaxy. 

The bed dipped as Loki climbed into it. “Count the stars and you’ll never come close to how much I feel for you,” he said.

“Loki,” you said. He rendered you speechless. What did someone say to such a perfect confession? 

He grinned but it took on a sinister glint. Before you asked, he leaned down on his elbows and rubbed his nose along your slit, breathing you in. He blew a breath across your pussy and you jumped. You were not expecting that.

“Relax, wife,” he commanded. 

“I am,” you shot back.

He nipped at your thigh. “You’re tense. Shall I stop?”

“Don’t you dare,” you hissed. 

He chuckled and finally, finally, used his tongue to nudge your lips apart and drag his tongue from your entrance to your clit. You squealed from the delicious pressure and fisted your hands in his incredibly smooth bedding. 

He paid extra attention to your clit, playing with the little nub and making you squirm. He grabbed your legs and hooked them around his arms. He forced your legs apart.

“These stay open,” he said. 

“Oh gods,” you moan. He chuckled as he returned to lolling his tongue around your clit. The only thing you saw was his dark hair covering the most intimate part of you. His hair flopped down onto your stomach and thighs tickling you with its softness.  Pressure built up inside you with each succulent swipe of his gifted tongue. When he wasn’t so busy being a mischievous little punk, he apparently had other wonderful uses.

Gods, you were close. So close…he stopped and you growled. He chuckled and kissed your thigh, leaving a wet spot behind. Your cheeks burned knowing that evidence of your own arousal was on his mouth. 

He flipped his head back, his hair flipping out of his face. He grinned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“You seem to be confused about who's in charge here,” he said. He shook his head as if he were chastising you. He crawled up your body, molding his body next to yours.

His fingers took the place of his mouth, dipping one finger inside you and pumping with abandon. You leaned up, not necessarily because you wanted to get away, but because it felt too fucking good. You were on edge already and his finger kept up a steady rhythm inside you.

He added a finger and you moaned. You slipped your hands into his hair and tugged. He hummed. “That’s my girl,” he groaned. Your legs opened wider of their own accord. You needed more.

The only sounds in the room were your panting and moaning and the wet suction of your arousal around his fingers. You bit your lip as you focused on the pleasure spreading through your body. He used his thumb to rub lazy circles around your clit on every up-slide of his fingers. Then he curled his fingers inside you.

“Loki,” you gasped. You nearly cried as the pressure became too much. The pleasure was too much. Your legs shook as the first wave of your orgasm took over. You pushed at his arm. It was too much.

“Do you want me to stop, wife?” 

You shook your head. You muttered something, but didn’t know what. Unholy sounds left you as your orgasm shook you to your core. He talked you through it, continuing to stroke you as you floated down back to your body.

You cracked open your eyes and were momentarily struck dumb by him. He was half leaning, half sitting up so his head was framed by the illusion of stars he erected. Before, he used his magic for small things. Cheap tricks and cruel pranks. But now, he wove entire illusions that were nearly indistinguishable from real life.

His eyes glowed in the soft light. He was made for the stars. He was an entire galaxy contained in a beautiful man. 

“Do you think I’m done with you?” He asked. 

The excited squeal you uttered should be embarrassing, but he only smiled and withdrew his fingers. You missed them already and poked out your bottom lip. He licked his fingers as he stared at you, dipping one and then both inside his mouth to clean every last drop of your arousal. 

He closed his eyes as he savored it and then glanced back at you. “Delicious,” he whispered.

He leaned down and kissed you. His lips moved expertly over yours, licking your lips so that you’d open for him. You’d deny him nothing as you opened your mouth and tasted yourself on his tongue. He bit your bottom lip and the sharp pain was smoothed over by his tongue.

“Now who’s being naughty,” you said.

“I can’t help it,” he said with a shrug. You sat up in the bed and got on your knees to match his stance. 

You grabbed the band of his pants and tugged hard until his cock sprang free. He helped you disrobe him until he kneeled before you in all his naked glory. 

You placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed until he dropped onto the bed. He arranged himself into a comfortable position, placing one arm around the back of his head. He quirked an eyebrow at you, but you only smiled.

You straddled him, moving your dress out of the way until you were able to slide skin to skin. As you held it, it disappeared in your hands exposing your breasts and belly. A ferocious gleam lit up his eyes as he brought his warm hands up to palm your breasts. He rubbed and squeezed your sensitive nipples between his fingers. 

“I will never grow tired of seeing all of you, feeling all of you,” he said. He pinched one nipple which sent a shot of desire to flood your pussy. 

You leaned up and grabbed his cock, stroking it once and then twice before sinking down onto his generous length. You both moaned at the same time, both reveling in the way he filled you completely. 

Loki bucked his hips, which made you lean forward. Your breasts rubbed against his chest. His hands roamed up and down your back. You kissed him, deeply and passionately. And then you started to move. 

You moved slowly at first, loving the gentle glide of his dick inside you. You couldn’t help the gasps or the whimpers. Loki’s hands grabbed your waist and helped stabilize you as you moved quicker, bobbing up and down on his cock. 

“Oh…oh gods,” he muttered.

You could die a thousand times if it meant you’d hear those sounds coming from his lips just once. His desire only drove yours upward. You leaned back, riding him. You tried to focus on his face, on the dark desire in his eyes, but you felt too good in the moment. 

A tempest was set loose in your veins. Your blood sang with pleasure. Your magic finally unfolded and light shot from every pore on you. 

“That’s it, my darling,” he said. He groaned and bucked his hips, driving deeper into you. Light refracted off of every shiny surface in the room. You tried to direct it, but you were too dizzy with pleasure. You felt wanton and over-joyed. Dating sex was far inferior to married sex.

The light from your magic mingled with Loki’s illusion of the cosmos. Your beams shot into the sky as if they were wayward comets. Your light streaked across the ceiling, flowing in and around the cosmic illusion he created. Your magicks intertwined and you felt him on a physical and cosmic level. It was as if your magicks touched each other’s souls.

Your orgasm rolled over you, heaping waves upon waves of bliss. “Come with me, husband,” you managed to mutter before shaking uncontrollably.

A moment later, Loki joined you. Hot jets of come spilled inside of you as he moaned so loudly, he shook with the effort. His face was contorted somewhere between ecstasy and torture. His eyes were pinched close and his mouth was slightly open on a halted sigh.

You shivered so badly that your teeth chattered. That orgasm was more intense than anything else you had experienced. The light in your veins slowly retreated and thinned until winking out completely. He rubbed your arms, your back, and anywhere else he could get his hands on. He grounded you as you recovered from your orgasm. 

He whispered sweet, loving messages in your ear as he held you close. He called you beautiful and stunning, smart and sweet, he called you the most precious creature in all of existence. You giggled tiredly as he talked silly nonsense in your ear. You focused on the cadence of his words. His words rumbled in his chest and as you laid on top of him, you felt every word.

Reluctantly, he pulled out of you. His come slipped out of you as well and you moaned from the sensation. He conjured a warm wet towel to clean you off. He conjured a new one for himself. 

When done, you snuggled up in his arms. Your head was on his chest and you idly rubbed it, marveling at the way your smooth copper skin contrasted with his pale skin. He rubbed your arms and used his free hand to play with your hair.

Sleep pulled at you but you fought it, not wanting the night to end. 

“Sleep, wife. I’m not yet done with you tonight,” he said. He kissed your forehead. 

You fell asleep with a contented sigh, wonderfully eager to get up and do it all again.

[ihopesocomic]

Yeah, I watched the review and even rewatched the part about Quickmane to make sure I didn't miss anything. What's your point? Because it still felt like you didn't explain things coherently or maybe I'm just too stupid to understand. Authorial intent doesn't always mean everything (case in point: Hover supposedly being a good love interest when she's anything but), but has the creator ever said anything on someone like Quickmane not being a villain? And every antagonist has their fans, but as I don't lurk in the fandom often, is this out of a genuine like for Quickmane or is it that he's hated except for this or that specific thing they like about him? Hence why I brought up whether or not he was liked compared to more popular characters like Nothing or Feather. Hell, I even brought up that if the intention was to make him sympathetic, then it wasn't handled well at all! Seriously, I enjoyed the review otherwise and I'm sorry if I'm being rude, I just wish certain parts could've been elaborated on better.

There is a HUGE difference between "liking an antagonist" and people saying things like - and I quote - "wow, I wish Quickmane could be brought back because he was an utter cinnamon roll as opposed to Proudmane!" cue a legit YT comment argument as to how somebody who kills babies isn't as bad as a homophobe "because he has to do what he did to survive"

Like Cat said: we haven't made this shit up. People genuinely vibe with Quickmane because he wasn't homophobic. I know you keep saying "yea but he isn't popular as opposed to our main protagonists" but... that doesn't matter? Of course he's not going to be uber popular like Feather or Nothing? Still doesn't mean this isn't a major issue with the show. And another thing: how is a concerned parent who thought he lost his kids not supposed to be a completely sympathetic figure? Just ask yourself who you're gonna root for: that sort of figure or the individual who left kids unattended in the middle of the African wilderness?

The show tries to get us to feel bad for EVERYBODY. No asshole is exempt here. Quickmane, Proudmane, even Powerstrike who legit said looking at her disabled daughter makes her feel "weak" and Farleap who pulled /r/thathappened shit out of her ass to justify abusing her disabled sister. And this is simply because "sympathetic villains" are all the rage now. That's it. The creator felt it would make her villains "more complex" like the more well-handled examples she no doubt drew inspiration from and this came before hammering down that their actions - particularly abuse and murder - can never be justified or sympathised with. And that's why your argument that "villains have standards" is irrelevant here. Yes, they do. But most of the examples on TVTropes never have their actions diminished or justified through that trope? They are still portrayed as firmly wrong in their actions, especially if those actions concern abuse or murder. It's the same thing with Edge in our comic: yes, he's portrayed as somebody who cares for his kids but... he's still evil and has killed people. Which we choose to bring up and remind the audience of as opposed to just forgetting about it after the first episode like My Pride did. lol - RJ

[gonegrove]

do you have any advice or tips for writing billy? like how to portray his personality

Wow honored to even get asked this!

First off I will say I’m sorry this took a bit. I got a Little Unhinged writing this, wrote like 1k of rambling thoughts on the topic, realized my ADHD meds had worn off and it’s impossible to maintain a coherent train of thought for something like this while also watching the show with a loud funny commentary track layered on top and stopped. Then the ADHD hit again and I forgot to get back to it yesterday when I was like, rested and coherent again lol.

I wanted to keep this more concise but I’m a Wordy Motherfucker. So I’m going to try and partition this into like, two main sections. There’s the more manageable section and the like, thought piece essay about what I consider like “the background noise of Billy Hargrove”. The stuff that’s not say, immediately actionable but are nice to do research into or keep in your mind while writing him. I hope this is actually useful and not super overwhelming.

Okay so, for me basically I have like, a Core Billy and then Billy Bits I add to taste depending on the story.

Basically for my Core Billy Elements it's:

Asshole Babygirl Tragic Backstory Spike TV But A Person

First off-- Asshole: he's gotta Kinda Fucking Suck. This is important because if you dig too deep into his trauma or try to nice him up too much in any way he's not Billy he's just Some Fucking Random Guy. He's a fake internet blorbo masquerading as our rat son. It's a critical element to balance out his Tragic Backstory. There's an understandable desire to make him more sympathetic or to show more of his softer side by making him act nicer and shit more frequently. Don't do this. I mean do do it but not a lot. Let him have a touching moment with Max then he turns around calls a girl a fattie. He might be getting nicer as he has a chance to grow or we might like him more as we learn about Why he’s Like That and all that shit but like.... he's still an asshole. He's just OUR asshole now.

Babygirl: he's a thottie. A slut. A sexy little boy. You can give him complex feelings and thoughts about his looks, how he feels about them, how much he cares and why. But he's gotta be kinda babygirl-ish. he's gotta give a shit about his looks and have a complex relationship with his sexuality. This is also the category of all his charm. This is where the Billy that was mackin’ on Mrs. Wheeler enters the chat. This is the zone of Billy’s dick cologne. It’s an important part of his character, as much as he sucks and can be super gross he’s also insanely charming and socially capable when he wants to be. It’s also one of his major methods of interacting with the world other than Asshole.

Tragic Backstory: Gotta have the trauma. Gotta have the trauma seep into and effect every thought, aspect and decision in his life. He's in an ongoing abusive situation in the show and it heavily effects what he does. Like half his decisions are to mitigate the damage Neil could do, the other half are in rebellion to Neil's control. Billy is WAY more tightly wound and in control than he seems. He has to be. If he was truly off the leash and going hog wild like some people like to think he was then he’d be in fucking jail already or 90% bruises from his dad beating the shit out of him daily. His mother abandoned him and left him to be raised by a violent, bigoted man. He was forced to give up his childhood to look after Max regardless of how much she even really needs looking after. Everything about Neil and his mom and how they’ve treated him colors how he looks at others and how he responds to situations. It’s good to show it explicitly when it makes sense sure, but generally it’s gonna be more subtle. Unless the point of the fic/rp/whatever is like ‘Billy Goes To Therapy” there should probably not be a lot of meaningful speeches about his trauma n shit. He will however say, have a visceral response to people yelling, have insane animosity towards aggro/controlling dudes, lose his SHIT if he thinks his partner’s gonna leave him and some very weird views on women.

Spike TV But A Person: He smokes. He drinks. He spits. He leaves his underwear around his room and doesn't clean for shit. He has sexy lady posters up and is basically what one pictures when you think of a stock "Guy". He's who Spike TV was made for. As much as he's vain about his own body and his carefully cultivated image, he's a fucking pig and a dog. This is part of his charm. He WILL make ball jokes if it makes sense. He likes sports and “guy stuff”. Like… He’s a Dude. A Bro. Some of this is performative, how much is up to you but he’s not… he’s not neat or hyper interested in “Deep” things or anything. While he’s complex he’s also a Teen Boy In The 80s and acts accordingly. Also ball jokes are just funny??????

it's like balancing the 4 humors. those are the major components of his personality and you have to try and add equal parts when writing him, tweaking the levels depending on things like scene content, genre, the whole point of the story etc.

There’s also a secret 5th element — like in the movie, The 5th Element — that completely shits on my humors analogy/metaphor/whatever.

Sensitive Little Guy: This is under all the other layers of bullshit. Under Asshole, Babygirl, Tragic Backstory, Spike TV But A Person is a Sensitive Little Guy. He’s hyper emotional, easily hurt, desperate for affection and understanding, and longing for people who care about him. He’s anxious, depressed, kind hearted, protective, unconvinced of his own worth, and living in a state of near constant fear. He has it in him to be kind and silly and loving if given the chance to show it but that chance rarely ever comes.

Now there’s the Billy Bits — things that are not say always mandatory but are solid additions which can add depth. I look at these when I’m writing or planning and make decisions on what feels right for the plot, it’s length, the genre, the ship if there is one etc. Like getting into Billy’s Rage Issues just does not make any sense for a quickie rom com story but works GREAT if you’re going a drama or anything where you want him to have a growth arc.

Here’s my usual Billy Bits:

Rage Issues — I mean… look at him. Ofc he’s got rage issues. Can be a really useful personality flaw to use in the right kind of story.

Mental Illness — There’s a lot of different takes on Billy’s mental health and what he may or may not be dealing with. It’s agreed upon that he’s got PTSD but another common thought is that he has BPD (borderline personality disorder). Given some of the things Dacre’s said he’s likely got anxiety issues and some amount of depression wouldn’t be a shock. It’s something to think about and do research on if you choose to use it.

Weird Views On Women — His mom abandoned him but also was like, the only person who actually loved him. His dad’s a violent misogynist. Billy compensates for his emotional issues partially via sexual encounters and is saturated in the culture of male spaces that don’t always really respect women much. There’s nooooo way he doesn’t have some Weird Views On Women. Not necessarily misogynistic (but like… lbr… kinda yeah) but definitely confused and contradictory — his mom and women like her are Good and better people than pretty much everyone else but also why would he date a girl for anything other than sex? Likely has some madonna-whore complex issues. Kinda guy who thinks of girls as kinda disposable while also the most likely to pour his guts out to one like that’ll fix him.

The Racism Thing — His dad is clearly bigoted and things like Runaway Max and Dacre in various interviews pretty much flat out say “yeah, Neil’s the absolute racist here”. How much you actually wanna get into this very much depends on like, your own views and what the story is about. My stance when I do touch on it is that Billy personally doesn’t really care much about race but he knows his dad does and knows what will happen to him if he finds out Billy’s got non-white friends. So he avoids as much as possible most of the time. In the end you get similar results to if he himself held the belief — he’s still treating someone differently for bigoted reasons — but he’s not like in their face calling them slurs n shit. It’s also something that he can be Aware of from day one about himself and be like “yeah, I kinda Fucking Hate This”.

Violence is Cool, Actually — idk I just think Billy should get to be a lil bloodthirsty and beat ass a lot. You know, as a treat. Like sometimes your story just needs someone who can go sicko mode at the drop of the hat and here’s Billy! Ready and Raring!

Abandonment Issues — His mom abandoned him and she was the only good thing in his life. He’s terrified of people leaving him and will react accordingly. With jealousy/possession, by pushing them away first, by trying to not even engage at all. He could have emotional outbursts if he thinks they’re leaving or feels like they’re withdrawing. He could be paranoid about it or give ultimatums. Any one of those is a solid way to have him grapple with it. It’s all about the story and what you’re aiming for.

Complex Views On Max — He hates her. He loves her. She’s a Fucking Load. She’s the only good thing to come out of this bullshit marriage. He doesn’t give a shit about her. He’s terrified for her safety. He hates having to babysit her all the time. He thinks she’s kinda dope as fuck.

Big Brain Billy — Billy is smart actually. There’s certainly no indication he’s stupid. The most you could say is that like in Runaway Max he’s struggling in school, likely because of external pressures or a learning disability, but he’s not an idiot. Underneath all the machismo and hairspray can be a pretty savvy guy. How this gets represented varies with personal opinion and taste. Some like him to be less book smart and more street smart and logistical. Some like him to be a good student along with having like real world intelligence.

Cool With His Queerness Billy — Some like to write him as maybe not out but definitely proud or just as cool with his sexuality as a dude who already hates himself can be. It’s a valid take and can be really good for opening up narrative doors or exploring topics.

NOT Cool With His Queerness Billy — dude’s raised by a Grade A Bigot and already hates himself. The idea that he’s struggling with his sexuality —maybe even to the point of self destruction — is not a big shock. Can also be done that he’s more freaked out by the idea of being outed or exposed in someway.

King Fuckboy — Sometimes he’s just like 😜 you know? Like sex jokes and lewd comments and ‘you up? ;)’ texts n shit. Just— the whole cursed package.

Literally Just A Walking Smiths Song — god idk how to even describe this just listen to some Smiths songs kdfghskjghfdgkjfds

Music Freak — We all need something to cope. Billy clearly likes music a lot and bands like Tank weren’t super popular at that time (Tank had like 1 album until the 00s) so a logical choice for Billy is music. Could be that plays an instrument or just that he’s really passionate about music and the music scene and learning about how music works.

King Fuckboy But Woke — When you’re such a fuckboy you somehow circle around to like… being shockingly cool and not awful? Like he’s still cruising for hook ups but like… he respects your pronouns and doesn’t treat women like they’re sex toys lol

Doesn’t Miss A Beat — He watches, doesn’t necessarily say much, but he sees a lot more than anyone gives him credit for. He watches and takes note of everything around him.

Fear Of The Cycle — Billy being afraid of becoming like his father. He does something — accidentally hit a girl, spouts some Neil Shit™ at Max, acts in some kinda crazy controlling way — and it fucking sides him off the edge of Oh Fuck. He always says he never wants to be Neil and he likes to think he’s nothing like him. Maybe he’s not, maybe the way you wanna do him he’s hyper-aware and hyper-vigilant to Not Be That. Maybe he kinda is, and he didn’t even realize it until it smacked him in the face. It’s an interesting theme to bring in as say, a minor plot line.

Okay and here’s the “Background Noise of Billy Hargrove” Essay:

He's a shitty dude and he'll always be kinda rough even and a prick even when he gets his shit together. He's insecure and struggling and emotionally maladapted. He's a sweetheart with a mountain of issues.

I think something that helps me when I write him (and when I write Steve for that matter) is that I've watched a lot of video essays and shit about the manosphere and men's issues (Hbomberguy, D’angelo Wallace, Big Joel, Foreign Man in a Foreign Land and FP Signifier are some guys of the top of my head who’ve talked about it in videos) and it really helps in understanding the struggles of guys like Billy who seem so awful but have all this shit going on underneath. there's actually a lot of societal shit and psychological strife that gets put on men that doesn't really get any time or consideration by like, most people? And it's very much the things people will rag on Billy for or how they'll talk about the Billy-Karen shit like it's a positive/Billy's in the wrong.

I was watching a video about male socialization today by Jesse Gender and in it she talks about her experience going up being socialized as a white male. How there was this huge amount of like, being stripped of identity. We'll all talk about how being a white male is the default and how this is an issue but the flip side of that for the white guys in question is that they're stripped of identity as individuals to fit that default. There's an enforced severance from heritage, emotion, humanity etc to instill manufactured dependence on the concept of men that society is pushing (and also capitalism but you know). Jesse talks about having this sort of empty void that became filled with this listless anger. That whole knowing something is wrong but not knowing what or how to do anything about it which presented itself in outbursts of anger like we see in Billy. Jesse was told once as a teen she'd have to go around and not walk through the cafeteria that day and in an irrational outburst of misplaced anger punched the door as hard as she could, permanently damaging her hand and getting suspended for it. She talks about how it really wasn't a big deal, there was no reason for this kind of response other than this just ever present gnawing sense of nothingness. It's why this motherfuckers get so horny for the Joker ya know?

All the older boys are very obviously effected by this kind men's issues thing but Billy's one of the most prominent, probably along side like early show Jonathan. He's projecting a mask of hyper masculinity as a defense mechanism. He's still undeniably masculine under it by American standards but like, the guy under all that is someone you'd hang out with. The guy he presents himself as? Not necessarily. Billy as he presents himself is a raging asshole because that's what plays well in hyper critical traditional male spaces. Be's serving alpha because he's got shit to hide and protect — like all his feelings and vulnerabilities. Homie is still a 17-18yo boy who wOn'T pIcK uP hIs RoOm and would think it's funny to lick someone's hand if they tried to put it over his mouth. He would probably smack his girlfriend's ass in public and think it's funny or flirty. He's got no issues with how messy and shitty Eddie's trailer is but also probably thinks Steve actually making his bed is "kinda gay".

It’s a mixed bag of being young, coming from a rough household, living in a society that rewards a lot of bad behaviors, having no good male role models and no mental health treatment.

There’s inherit struggles in who he was born as that are related to the way society denies men the ability to connect emotionally, to express themselves or to be vulnerable. He’s hurting and the only acceptable way for him to release any of his emotions is violence and anger. He’s consciously denied the tools to understand and cope with his own emotions by society and his father. He, like all the other boys in the show to some extent, is set up to fail. He’s expected to be Atlas and stoically take the abandonment, the abuse, the parentification, the uncertainty, the violence and the expectation. I cannot remember which video it was, I think it was an FD Signifier vid but he was talking about Animal Farm and how the horse worked himself to death, exhausting himself and breaking body over and over in the service of society. Men’s value is measured in the amount of violence they can endure and how much work they can do.

Also his family is working class so he's more in line with the Byers on the economic ladder which is a big factor. There's lots of ways that can effect someone's mentality and actions depending on like location/how poor/needs/family life/etc. I’m still working thru my research on this shit since I’m middle class as fuck, especially classism in the 80s, since it’s uh, Kinda Complex. But it’s a huge thing. Neil and Susan were both working parents (the Byers are also a 2 income household), the way Max talks about her street and the party’s reaction to hearing where she lives indicate they’re on the lower end. How far above the Munsons is up for grabs but they’re not much better.

Anything that can be used against you will be used against you. Billy only avoids the treatment that Jonathan gets for being poor because he’s hot, fashionable, athletic and new to town. His aesthetics and novelty protect him from a lot of ridicule. Which is the point of the Look to begin with.

A big important thing for me with Billy is his rage. He's never not going to be an angry person. He's been abandoned, abused, parentified, removed from whatever support structure he might have had in cali, forced into these roles and actions that don't do shit for him but make him more miserable, and treated like shit by everyone pretty much his whole life. Even when he mellows out and heals that anger isn't going anywhere. it's just like, changing fonts lol. It's like Eleven's rage at Brenner. She DOESN'T forgive him, but she DOES find a way to move on in her life PAST him and that anger and take that energy and put it to use in a way that's productive for her.

I also try and lean into his emotionality and his sensitivity but in specific ways. I decide the things that will trigger it — like certain actions or insults, certain behaviors, kinds of people, etc — and then map out which emotion it triggers and the response. Abusers and controlling guys set him off in an aggressive way, he needs to put them down. It’s defensive. People like Chrissy and Eleven who he can emotionally connect with bc of abuse he becomes protective of and like IMMEDIATELY. INSTANTANEOUSLY. Kindness will cause immediate defensiveness and then a reciprocated softness. It’s helpful to look into psychology and how real life people interact and respond to things and use that info not to craft Expository Monologues About His Mental State but to show via his train of thought and his actions what’s going on in him.

His outer life and inner life are rarely on the same page. Who he is in public can be vastly different than how he actually feels and what he’d actually want to do.

I tend to have Billy be a pretty “whatever fuck it” kinda guy. He has the things he cares about and then the rest just Is Not His Fucking Problem. His life is already a fucking bitch why would he make your bullshit his problem? Like minimal effort in the places it’s not required. But he’s also EXTREMELY observant, it’s a product of his abuse. He’s a good reader of people and he’s good at reading a room and adjusting as needed. So like even if he doesn’t give a shit about small town gossip, he knows a lot of it and he’s got Opinions on a lotta people from seeing how they act in the halls n shit.

It’s the kind of thing where he’d Know that something is wrong with Chrissy but not what and get the sense that Jason was kind of a shitty boyfriend in the “I’m dating the idea of you not you” variety. But he’s not immediately inclined to make this his problem. Generally shit has to hit certain criteria before he’s gonna add it to his plate. Like they hit a nerve, it goes on long enough that it pisses him off, he identifies a lil too much with someone, he’s Just That Bored, his interest has somehow been peaked or he’s been given an incentive. There’s a real calm before the storm vibe with him.

Billy is also genuinely magnetic. He’s so popular for a reason. Like Max doesn’t get nearly as much fawning over her for her Cali background but Billy is A Whole Fucking Package. He’s handsome, he’s fit, he’s funny and interesting. He knows when and how to turn on the charm but he’s also just kinda got Pretty Okay Vibes when he’s not you know being a massive fucking dick. He’s funny in a cock jokes and clap backs kinda way. He’s intense and opinionated and he’s up for anything if it’s interesting enough. Like you can totally get why Hawkins High collectively lost their minds and got massive hard ons for this dude. Behind all his awful dudebro bully shit he’s a genuinely cool fucking dude you’d KILL to hang out with. Billy being at a party MAKES the party.

Okay I’ve lost my whole fucking brain again and this is a pushing 4k words so I gotta cut my losses because I’ve already been insane about this for TOO FUCKING LONG. I apologize for my bullshit and it’s comical length. I hope that literally ANY of that was fucking useful jkdfghflsjghfsd

[im-no-jedi]

took a while to get out, but in a similar but opposite toned way to last week, here are my long, rambly, and barely coherent thoughts about episode 9 “The Crossing”

which are thankfully much more positive than last week 😋

where do I even begin y’all. the vibe of this episode really emphasized the end of episode 8 with its melancholy; we didn’t even get any dialogue for the first couple of minutes. all of them silently exiting the Marauder as just the four of them was painful to watch. and it didn’t take long to get into the sibling squabbles after that.

which, as I’ve mentioned before, was another great example of why I think this show does an excellent job selling TBB as siblings. the Clones in general have always been good sibling rep, but TBB does it the best imo. Wrecker and Tech’s bickering with Hunter and Omega pitifully trying to stop it was *chef’s kiss*. even Tech and Hunter hounding Omega about being careful with the ipsium was very “older sibling trying to be the parent”, especially with Omega’s mocking responses LOL. I mean, we even finally got a confirmation that they see each other as family! finally!! thank you Omega!! \o/

speaking of Omega! my girl has really learned how to express herself, as we saw with her rant in episode 8, and I’m glad she was letting her feelings out to the boys. yes, she was overly emotional, but it was understandable! she’s still a child, and it’s hard to process loss without getting emotional, trust me.

that being said, it’s still unfortunate that the boys aren’t the same way. Wrecker has been the only one who’s ever been comfortable showing his emotions and feelings, but even so, he clearly still struggles with it. I really hope we get to a point where the boys are able to open up more (although they admittingly have improved since the beginning thanks to Omega).

now for some specific moments I enjoyed or were just notable to me. 

firstly, Hunter’s spidey senses going off not once, not twice, but THREE times this episode. oh Lordy. if I didn’t know he had enhanced senses, I woulda thought he was freaking Force sensitive with how in tune he was with what was going on. him sensing that something had happened to Omega and Tech? hello?? is he really THAT sensitive, or was that his Dad™ senses going into overdrive LOL

next, I obviously have to talk about the Lion King stampede (thank you Kiners for the blatant spoilers ROFL). OMG I felt so bad for Wrecker, poor baby. him complaining about his back afterwards was a MOOD. and then the exchange with him and Tech, “why don’t YOU carry it?” “fine.” I laughed SO hard, peak sibling humor 😂👌🏻 Hunter holding onto the wire tho... Lord have mercy 🥵

and now circling back to Hunter again cause I’m not done talking about my man yet. can we just appreciate how well he was able to keep himself together in this episode with all the chaos? he could’ve easily joined in with the bickering or gotten frustrated, as we saw him do in “Entombed”. but no, he stayed calm the whole time, even when confronting Tech about his behavior. the only time he actually got frustrated was with Cid (rightfully so). I know that man is a boiling pot of emotions inside, but still he remains the calm and collected leader, keeping everyone on track and not escalating anything further. my man... I love him so much 😩💙

last specific thing I wanna mention cause OMG am I still mad about it. Cid. what. the. HECK. as someone who has loved this character since we first saw her, I’m with TBB (and the rest of the fandom!) on this one. she crossed a line. I gave her the benefit of the doubt with the riot racing, but this was TOO far. she’s gonna catch these hands fr 😤

ok! now I’ll talk about the more serious subjects again. I’ve got two things I wanna talk about because hoo boy, do they relate to me personally.

I wanna talk about the subject of loss and dealing with trauma. if you read my post from last week, you’ll know that I was absolutely devastated by the loss of Echo, regardless of it being temporary or not. it brought me down to one of the lowest points I’ve been at in YEARS. so yeah, having this episode showcase Omega (and the others) going through the exact same thing? yeah.

honestly? I needed that. I needed to have my own feelings validated as much as Omega did, and I got exactly that. Omega wasn’t just upset, she was angry and hurt and worried and didn’t know how to handle all of those emotions at once. it was way too real. that’s what trauma does to you; it gives you way too many emotions to process all at once, so it often comes out in unpleasant ways. I’ve learned to process my own feelings through years of therapy, but clearly it’s still something I struggle with. and I always will. that’s just how trauma works. and I think this subject was portrayed perfectly in this episode.

and now, the absolute cherry on top for this already perfect and beautiful episode... my boy Tech.

I’m not kidding when I say I’m getting emotional writing this cause umm... YEAH

so I’ve been labelling myself as neurodivergent for a few years now. I began to suspect I might have ADHD back in like, 2019 I think, and since then, I’ve also strongly suspected I might just be overall autistic. I haven’t gotten an official diagnosis yet but... I know I’m somewhere on the spectrum, I have to be. and this show has been one of the things that’s helped me realize that. I’ve been 100% behind the “Tech is autistic” train since the early days of the show. I also strongly believe the entire squad is neurodivergent in some way, even Echo and Omega. mostly because I can relate to them in many ways in terms of behavior. I’m not gonna get into a discussion about that here though, I’ll save it for another post✨

the bottom line though is that me being able to see myself in these characters has been one of the major reasons I love the show so much. so now having this canon confirmation about Tech has made me absolutely ecstatic.

after we were done with the episode, @jam-n-ham were talking (as we always do), and she had a hard time getting behind the idea of Tech basically being confirmed autistic. but as we talked about it, she realized that the whole issue between Omega and Tech mirrored a lot of issues she and I have had in the past. and the convo between the two of them by the water was extremely similar to convos she and I have had in the past. again, I myself am not officially diagnosed but... I’m just sayin’ 😬

so uhh, yeah. I’m obviously very happy about this, to the point where I can’t even be sad about them being currently stranded on that planet for who knows how long. the well-done portrayal of Omega’s grief coupled with canon neurodivergent Tech has uplifted me to the point where I literally can’t be sad anymore. this episode gave me hope, y’all. which is why I’m not worried about them. I know they’re all gonna be ok in the end. they have to be. they will be.

cause even when you’re grieving or dealing with mental illness... you still can have hope. it’s gonna be ok 💙💙💙

oh, and one more actual last final thing I wanna say. because of this episode, I’m no longer worried about getting an official diagnosis for my mental illness. in fact, I plan on talking to my therapist about it and seeing if I can schedule an appointment to get checked out. I’ve been debating about doing it for a couple years, and now I’ve finally got the courage to do it. so yeah. that’s a thing 😊