#azzie’s beans | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

goldfades · 6 months ago

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MANAGERS OFFICE: (I want to hear your individual headcannons on this so plz anyone feel free to add on)

First off, girly has snacks EVERYWHERE, so many cabinets and drawers and secret spaces with snacks in it. Something tells me the manager likes gummy and sour candies so there's lots of those.

Pr packages from brands, at one point her office was overflowing with boxes

She has one of those type writer keyboards and the girls will just be in her office chilling and relaxing/falling asleep to the keyboard clacks

Manager has a keyboard collection on the wall with different keyboards and keycaps.

Diffuserssss everywhere, the moment you walk into her office you're just hit with a wave of calm.

Baby also has candles lit and things like plants and eucalyptus.

Fluffy blankets!!!!

Comfiest couch and bean bags.

Big TV facing her desk (the girls 100% hooked up their consoles to it)

Manager also has a wii so they'll play wii sports, wii sports resorts, mario kart, and any just dance game

(Of course they're getting competitive at the basketball game on wii sports resorts)

Extra clothes for both her and the team, sometimes she just doesn't feel like going home to change, or she has a late night.

Organized as HELL, nothing is out of place and if something is she's gonna lose it. She literally needs to be organized she's the manager, assistant coach, photographer, & the media manager. If she's not organized she's not gonna have a good time.

She's an artist so she has some of her paintings/drawings, clay figures, origami just everywhere around her office. She also has the art things that old students have made her as well.

PICTURE WALL, it gets more and more full by the day.

Bookshelf that she has both hers and books for the girls

Adding onto that, next to Paige, Ice, KK, & Nika. Azzi is in her office the most just relaxing or reading. Manager always gets new books for Azzi to read or books Azzi has been talking about. They just sit in comfortable silence.

Manager's office is placed where she can see the sunset and sunrise sooo

The SKY PICTURES

OH OMG and the GOLDEN HOUR PICTURES????? I'm gonna die

I can go on and on about her office pictures alone, girly can POSE!... PHOTOSHOOT! POSE POSE

The tiktoks tooo....... don't get me started

Speaking of the windowww

Rainy days in her office must be heavnly.

The rain hitting the window (the girls watching the raindrops race <3), the candles and diffuser doing their thing, tea brewing, lofi playing in the background.

She has a fluffy ass carpet that the girls lay on.

manager has appliances in her office backroom, tea kettle, air fryer, microwave, yeah-

Let's say manager takes her pet to school (it's either take your pet to work day or she has a service animal) baby is laying on that carpet and sunbathing

Fidget toys

Manager has that big ass Snorlax beanbag

The girls always getting her new candles and essential oils <3

She has a mini fridge that she fills with drinks.

The backroom has an even bigger fridge.

Manager collects minifigures from a series and puts them on a shelf

She has suncatchers everywhere

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4e/8a/17/4e8a1738f067a8f4d18147cf08e45aae.jpg

^ like that :b

Led lights (either the strips or the lamps)

Bomb ass computer set up, I think she has multiple computers and a big ass desk

Perfume shelf with her favorite scents

She's always going to office supply stores cuz she's always running out

Manager journals and has a shit ton of stationary items for it like pens, stickers, washi tape, etc.

She keeps her space C L E A N, and WILL scold anyone who fucks it up

Something tells me she's one of those people that hate shoes in her office, like she has slippers she makes people put on or they take off their shoes, keep their socks on and put them next to the door before they enter.

All the pain medication, go to her for it, it's in her drawer.

All of the teams comfort snacks and items are in her office in case they're overstimulated/ need a break.

Makeup drawer with a little mirror incase she needs a touch up.

Her lunches are amaaazing, she kinda had to start bringing extra cuz the team

Manager has little art projects sometimes, like those DIY wisteria flowers you hand from the ceiling or that cloud LED light thing where you put cotton over the led light strips and it looks like electricity.

But they buy her fast food so she doesn't mind,,,,,too much

"KK get the FUCK OUTTA MY PASTA GIRL!"

Since manager sucks with her phone, especially when she's locked in. The girls got her a LoveNote box where the heart spins everytime she gets a message, and they're just reminders from the girls or other silly messages.

The most common one being "You better be home in 15 minutes or we're gonna drag you out."

To be honest, if I were the manager, I wouldn't want to leave my office either, working or not.

-🐹

this is. a damn masterpiece CAUSE YES

baby girl is soooo damn organized and the whole food thing is so real, they're eating her lunch and she's just like... "but my pasta..." and they're like WE NEED THE CARBS!!!!!!!!!

if i was manager i'd never wanna leave either CAUSE IT SOUNDS... AMAZING HOLY COW

#i love when hamster nonnie sends long asks #its so fun #🐹 nonnie!#uconn wbb manager thoughts 💭

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tadpolesonalgae · 1 year ago

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Good, Little, Girl <3 Part 3[*?]

A/N: all I’ve been writing recently is smut, smut, smut and I feel like such a whore. I’m so proud of myself

Summary: uh, so this is set a little later (like a couple of months so they’ve had time to hang out and reader’s had a chance to get nice and comfortable with our Azzie)

Warnings: depression, angst, scars, a bit of sexuality, mentions of bdsm.

-Part 1- -Part 2-

“And you’re sure they’re fine with this?” You pressed, following him inside his house. “I checked, stop stressing,” he threw over his shoulder as you removed your shoes from your feet, padding along after him. “This is supposed to be a fun, stress-free evening,” he emphasised, ascending the stairs, his long legs allowing him to go three at a time with casual ease. “I know, I know,” you muttered, following behind him at a more relaxed pace.

He held the door open for you, allowing you to brush past his chest as you entered his bedroom. “Look at you go,” he teases, “not even hesitating.” You rolled you eyes at his mocking nature, having grown accustomed to it over the past few months. “You’ve proved to be entirely harmless,” you threw over your shoulder as you turned.

Azriel quirked a brow at your bold assumption, but before he could throw a sardonic quip at you, you’d already turned to observe his bed. “Hey, your bed’s made,” you shoot him a look, “how luxurious.” He rolled his eyes, pushing off the door frame, moving to the TV, shutting the door behind him. “What do you feel like tonight?” He asked, locating the remote stuffed beneath some neatly folded clothes he hadn’t had the chance to shove away before you arrived.

You hummed behind him, and he could practically see you comically tapping your finger over your sweet, lovely lips. He swallowed. Keep it down, Az. He can’t be scaring you off now. You’re just becoming comfortable around him. “What do you feel about Horrid Henry?” You spoke, settling on something quicker than usual.

He snorted at the choice, turning to find you with a serious look on your face. “Something funny?” You looked unamused. He chuckles to himself, shaking his head, “what is it with you and kids shows?” You glowered at him as his hand settled on the small of your back, guiding you to his bed. “Do you have something against Horrid Henry, Azriel?” You muttered, crawling onto the right hand side of his bed. “Nothing at all.” You raised a brow to tell him you didn’t believe a word of it.

You paused for a moment, thinking. “Why don’t you pick something out?”

Azriel nodded, “Horrid Henry it is.” He could feel your scowl from across the bed as he settled down. “I’m serious. You always let me choose to the point I’m genuinely concerned about the things you watch in your free time.” He laughed at that but continued clicking through the TV. It was only when you crawled across to him, settling at his side and tugging the remote from his hands that he looked at you.

And his eyes immediately dropped to your mouth. Thank god you weren’t looking at him as you navigated to the search bar. “Come on, just pick a film. Doesn’t even have to be one you like, or’ve watched.” Azriel flipped the lights off, making the TV stand out in the dark room. “You always let me take the lead,” you spoke, looking at him, trying to get his attention. “Why don’t you even take control?”

He knew you weren’t doing it on purpose, but it just sounded…

“You never take control anywhere else in your life,” he pointed out, turning to look at you, making you flush. “Ignoring that,” you muttered, eyes flicking away for a second, “I don’t want to you hold back just because you think I can’t handle it.”

Jesus Christ.

He hummed, turning back to the TV, taking back the remote. “Fine,” he sighed, exhausted, selecting something though you didn’t pay attention. You sat there, quietly, watching his profile. The cut of his jaw, the set of his nose, the shape of his mouth. Those beautiful hazel eyes, a swirl of matcha green and coffee beans.

“Why did you have handcuffs on your bed?”

He startled, hazel eyes sliding to yours, alarmed. His gaze ran over you, tracing your form before again meeting your eyes, settling back into the cushions. “How long have you been gathering up the courage to ask?” He drawled, attention returning to the screen. God knew he could no longer look you in the eye to answer that. “It was more a build up of curiosity,” you answered, removing you attention from him.

You waited silently for his answer, but nothing came. “Azriel?” You prompted, turning to look up at him. He attempted to keep his eyes on the screen as he set the film playing, but he could feel the warm pressure of your shoulder against his bicep, and it was taking up most of his awareness. His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, turning to see you watching with enlarged pupils. From the darkness.

“I think you know why,” he managed, voice coming out smooth and unruffled. As if he hadn’t spent nights with his hand fisted around his cock, fantasising about what you would look like with those cuffs decorating your pretty wrists. He waited for a reaction, but you didn’t seem surprised. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. “So…what? Women just let you tie them up?”

“People,” he corrected with a wry smile, harkening back to an earlier conversation. “People,” you repeated, following along with him, chasing your answer.

He sighed when your attention didn’t shift back to the TV. His intent to help you hold your ground was backfiring on him horribly. “I like being in control,” he finally admitted, staring you down as you peered up him with those open, curious eyes. “It’s reassuring to have that sense of power, especially during something that can be so intimate.” You were quiet for a moment, before dipping your head in a nod, “I see.”

You didn’t seem to be having any particular reaction other than bland acceptance. It was a little unnerving. “You don’t seem particularly surprised,” he spoke, watching you for any kind of indication to your thoughts. He got it though, when the tips of your ears flush, cheeks warming. You looked away, “I did some research…” You admitted quietly. “There were some interesting…video essays, on the topic.”

It took a moment for him to comprehend your prim language, but when he did, a bark of laughter flew from his mouth. Your head whipped back to him, alarmed at the startled sound. “You watched porn,” he drawled, looking at you incredulously. A familiar sense of ease settled over him as he watched your lips part, eyes widening at his words. You turned away from him, blushing furiously as you sat straighter.

“I didn’t want to judge something I knew nothing about,” you answered, tone matter-of-fact. How many times had he thought about hearing you order him about in that same strict tone? Too many, Az. Get a grip. Still, his lips curled into a grin, “and what was your strictly academic conclusion?” Your eyes flicked to his, marking his mocking tone, before snapping away.

He waited patiently but it seemed you were set on ignoring him. He bumped his elbow into your side to get your attention. “What did you think?” He asked, softer this time, the teasing lilt to his voice settling into a more serious one. Your jaw shifted as you took an inhale, “from what I could gather…” you began, attempting to keep your tone even, “a video doesn’t satisfyingly demonstrate the trust between partners. I found it straining and nauseating.”

Azriel bit his tongue to keep himself from offering pieces of information you would not want. His heart sank a little. “I see,” he settled on, repeating your words back to you. He deflated into his pillows. That was the end of that, then. There was no way anything would work between you with such vast differences.

“That being said…” you spoke quietly, yet loud enough to snap his attention back to you. Your eyes slid to his, a glint sparking, “…in a written form, where I can understand the emotion behind it all…?” He held his breath, unable to tear his gaze from your own. His heart skipped a beat when the edges of your mouth softened, “I can see why you find it so appealing.”

His head went quiet. Thoughts ceased as he replayed your words in his head. I can see why you find it so appealing. Your eyes had left his, returning to the screen, but he was still locked on you. Was that a sign? Had you just been trying to comfort him, or had you just flirted with him? With any other person, he would have been able to tell. But either way, it was so out of character. The suggestive tip of your lips, the dark spark in your eyes. Those weren’t things he associated with you.

Fuck.

He prayed you wouldn’t look at his lap. That the room was dark enough for you not to notice anything off about him.

“Would you ever try it?” Goddammit, Azriel. Even to his own ears he sounded breathless. What was happening?

You head tipped back to look up at him, questioningly. “Try what?”

Arousal spiked in his lower stomach. Were you really asking that? He swallowed, licking his strangely dry lips, “bdsm?” The letters alone caused your head to dip in embarrassment. “I’m pretty sure you have to have a partner to try it with, first of all,” you laughed to yourself. It sounded like the ringing of silver bells, and he nearly forgot the conversation. “I think I’d have to trust the person a lot before trying anything wild,” you admitted, a smile still on your lips as you watched your hands in your lap. “Someone I could count on and know they’d listen to me,” you hedged, the words unraveling from your tongue.

“I guess…someone like you…”

He went preternaturally still as the admission came from your lips. Someone like you. Someone I could count on… know they’d listen to me.

I’d treat you so good.

He watched from behind his eyes as your own widened, looking at him with a startled look on your beautiful face. He’d said that out loud, hadn’t he? Guess he was doing this now, then.

“I would never hurt you,” he spoke quietly, looking deep into your eyes. “You can trust me with that much.” His fingers brushed yours. Fuck it. His palm moved over your own, gently weaving your digits together. “Give me a chance, and I won’t squander it. I can promise I’ll make you so happy.”

Your lips parted, heart pounding in your chest.

He just confessed.

To you.

Shit. What do you say?

An unsure smile settled nervously on your lips, teetering on the edge of dropping off your face entirely. “I might be into physical pain, Azriel,” you breathed, hands trembling. He watched as something sad flashed through your eyes. “But emotional pain isn’t part of it,” you managed. “So if this is your way of messing around, it’s not cool, okay?”

Azriel shook his head, squeezing your shuddering hand gently. “I’m not messing around with you,” he whispered, eyes locked onto yours, “I’m promising. To treat you well, I mean.”

He waited anxiously, watching you, feeling as your fingers twitched as if considering pulling away from him. His heart thundered against his rib cage, nerves crawling beneath his skin. Your eyes scanned over him, as if analysing him. When they returned to his, he held his breath. You swallowed, “I’d like that.”

He didn’t dare release the air in his lungs, too scared you’d change your mind. You eyes flickered about, before returning to his nervously. “You’re… I feel like I can trust you,” you whisper, and you’re surprised there’s no tremor to your voice. “So I’m going to trust you, Azriel. Because I like you.”

Exhale.

You watched him, fear pumping through your blood, waiting. His eyes softened, free hand lifting to glide beneath your jaw, tilting your head. You held your breath as he leaned forward slowly, giving you the chance to pull away should you now wish to have his mouth over yours. But you did. So badly.

Your eyelids slid shut, leaning toward him. Permission granted.

Azriel nearly groaned as he recognised the action, relief flowing through his body, providing soothing reprieve. His lips were soft against your own, pillowy and hot as he applied a gentle pressure over you, swallowing down your feel.

It was hesitant. Nervous. Exploratory.

Neither of you had thought this far ahead.

He pulled away first, pleasure running beneath his surface as it took a moment for you to open your eyes. When you did, they looked glazed, hazy. Your gaze latched onto his, then dipped to his mouth.

Neither of you could resist the pull.

His mouth returned to yours, opening over your parted lips as he drank from you, tasting your flavour as his tongue licked over your teeth, flicking in a way that had you thinking about what he would feel like elsewhere.

A moan sounded somewhere in between your hot mouths. Your eyes squeezed tight when you realised it had come from you. Instead of teasing you for it, he took it as encouragement, spurring his movements on.

Tentatively, he moved over you, keeping you beneath him as you sank into the pillows. Your hands gingerly, ran up his biceps, curling around his neck. Your fingers played with the silky wisps of hair at his nape. Another moan lifted from your throat, only to be swallowed by Azriel, greedily taking every sound you gave him, treasuring each one.

Slowly, his mouth moved to the corner of your lips, kissing down your jaw, trailing over the column of your throat, feeling your breath hitch beneath his tongue. Your lungs were shaking as he latched his mouth over a spot on your neck, softly sucking, taking the skin between his teeth as he nipped. You whimpered, fingers tightening in his hair as he continued down. Past your collar bones, inching his way down your body. Between your breasts, mapping out his own pathway.

So carefully, he settled between your legs, and you thought you would melt right then and there. He looked up at you, bay and black tea leaves connecting. “Have you ever had someone between your legs?” He breathed, voice coming out horse. Heat swirled in your lower abdomen, eyes weighing with lust and need.

You were too out of it, answering his question honestly, “yes.” His eyes flicked up to yours, sincerity woven through the melodic chords of his voice, “you’re going to forget.” Your eyelids fluttered shut as you basked in his touch, loosing yourself in the feel of his fingers dipping beneath the band of your tights, pulling them off. Your skin felt free, but sensitive, having kept them covered for the past few days.

His hands wrapped over the tops of your thighs - near your hip bone. His heavenly mouth pressed to your abdomen, trailing down reverently, lips meeting the fabric of your underwear as your back arched with budding anticipation. “Azriel,” you breathed, a quiet plea.

Head silent, filled only with you, he began to descend between your thighs, memorising every second should you wake tomorrow and decide to take your words back. His hand slid down over your thigh and he stilled.

Mind frozen, his fingertips traced your skin again. The soft skin, that would yield beneath force, held the puckering slices of scars. Recent ones. Disbelievingly, he pulled back, the light of the TV illuminating the room enough for his eyes to pick out the scratches littering the tops of your thighs. His heart sunk to his stomach as he looked lower, the skin of your shins filled with pursed marks.

All at once, you jerked upright, returning to your body. You’d been swept away by the feel of his loving touch, forgetting why your skin felt so relieved to breathe after having to be hidden.

Awareness flooded your body, skin tingling where his fingers had brushed as you pulled your legs to your body, shoving up the bed. Your arms wrapped over your shins, as if it would wipe the marks from his memory, what you wish you could do to your skin.

Widened, pain-filled eyes locked on your own. Shocked.

Tears flooded your vision, blurring him as they rolled down your cheeks. Every emotion you’d felt over the past month whipping down upon you. Hot, salty water traced forceful, heavy streams down your cheeks, rolling beneath your jaw before dropping heavily onto the your stomach.

“I—…” You don’t know what to say. Just frantic to explain it away, pretend it’s nothing.

Azriel stared at you, eyes struggling to lift from the red-rimmed scars that glared at him angrily. He watched as your hands splayed across your shins, attempting to hide as much of the damage as possible. How painful the sight was. How small your body looked, folded in on itself, head lowered in shame, shoulders trembling with quiet sobs.

Scars littering your skin.

His girl.

The girl he loved, who sliced herself up, not knowing how to manage the torrent of emotions tearing her down.

“What are these?” He asked, voice cracking as his chest hollowed out. How could you ever lay a finger on your body? How could you wield a blade so viciously against yourself?

“I—…I’m sorry,” you sobbed, voice weak and wobbly. “I didn’t mean— You weren’t supposed—…” The tears splattered as the drops burst on contact. The bed dipped, and pain sang throat your chest, gripping your throat, choking on tears you tried to swallow. You tugged your lip between your teeth, hand covering your mouth in small attempt to quiet yourself.

Tentatively, he reached out. He didn’t want to startle, or scare you. But he needed you to know he was there. Even as you were crumbling before his eyes. He needed to hold you together before you disintegrated entirely.

One arm reached below your lower back, lifting you from the bed as he pulled you gently to his chest. “It’s okay…” he breathed, hoarsely, throat wet with tamping down his own emotions. You were pulled into his lap, one thigh settled over his own as he tucked you neatly into the strong frame of his body.

My sweet, clever girl.

The sobs broke from your lips, quiet moans of pain singing from your mouth. He held you through it all, hands gripping your upper back to keep you tight against him. Your own arms wound around his waist, crying into his chest as your emotions spilled over. “I’m— I’m sorry, Azriel… I’m so— so sorry.” A stinging feeling split through his breast bone as he held you tighter. “Stop apologising,” he whispered softly, breath fluttering against the side of your head.

You sniffled, shaking your head, “I’m sorry— I don’t know what—” A sob burst from you, trembling in his arms. You didn’t even know what you were trying to say as groans of pain leave your lips, muffled by his chest. His hand brushed over your hair, mouth pressing delicate kisses to your head, over your temple.

He pulled you away, far enough to look at you. Your eyes were wet with tears, cheeks shining as the skin puffed, your upper lip was damp as your lower one trembled, more tears cascading down. Small strands of hair had stuck to your temples. The sight nearly has him collapsing in one himself. He’d just manage to have you, and already you were caving in on yourself.

“Hey,” he whispered, thumbs brushing beneath your lashes, attempting to dry your cheeks but more wetness flowed in their place. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, a slight tremor in his voice, “it’ll pass.”

You shook your head, “it always comes back. It just— it won’t leave me alone. I can’t do anything about it. It just keeps crushing into me,” you sobbed, hands wrapping over his forearms. “You have to work through this,” he breathed, words fluttering over your skin, “you have to make it out.”

You shook your head again, “I can’t.”

“Look at me,” he demanded softly. Reluctantly, you raised your gaze to his, “you’re going to make it through, okay?” He whispered softly, but firmly. “It’s just a matter of minutes, seconds ticking by. One at a time. Just take them slowly, okay? Don’t think about outlasting all of it. Just go one second at a time, and they’ll tick by before you know it.”

Your sobs slow, evening out, peering up at him. “Look at you,” he praised, quietly, “it’s already been a few minutes.” You sniffed, small tears pooling at the edges of your mind. But that pain had begun to soothe, melting out across your chest, becoming a dull thrum. “There you go,” he mollified, the sway to the deep timbre of his voice resonating somewhere far inside of you.

“Why don’t you relax for a little, yeah?” He soothed, gently settling you back down into the pillows, tucking you beneath a warm blanket. “Wrap yourself up, and we can put something on in the background. Or just sit together. Whatever you want,” he tags on. You curl back into the bed, revelling in the tenderness of his touch, his attentive nature you were just getting to see.

You just sat there, watching him, mind blanking, throwing all your words out just to make room for him in your head. You drank him in, absorbing the pads of his fingertips, the glow of his skin, the depthless swirl of hazel. Devastating.

“What do you feel like?” He whispered, watching you with those beautiful, beautiful eyes.

When you moved to reach for him he came to you, leaning into your touch as he settled down beside you. His heart thundered in his chest as you curled into his side, not saying a word. The silence was pristine, perfect against your ears as you tucked against him, crying into his solid warmth.

You couldn’t muster up the energy to talk, melting into his side, hoping if you kept your eyes closed, focused on the feeling of his skin against your, you could sink into him, forget about yourself. The pads of your fingers pressed against his solid muscle, bathing in the feeling of his clothes lapping at your skin.

The moment would end eventually. But you didn’t want it to.

He was comforting, and strong. You felt safe and tearful around him. Your mind went quiet whenever his eyes touched yours, whenever his words warmed your ears.

Maybe one day it would pass.

As you drifted off in his arms, you found yourself thinking how many seconds it had been, but you couldn’t count. The thoughts had eddied from your mind, replaced with the sound of his voice, soothing as it washed over you.

Taglist: @myheartfollower

#Azriel #Azriel x reader #Good Little Girl <3 #Azriel angst #acotar #Azriel x reader fluff

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azzifudd · 4 months ago

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Azzi loved Paige when she was a goofy lil string bean with a heart of gold who just happened to be very good at basketball. And the Fudds have been a constant source of support in her life since they met, that kinda thing is very hard to replace once you get famous.

they fell in love because of basketball but if for some reason the game of basketball just ceased to exist suddenly, their relationship would be exactly the same.

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duesternis · 2 years ago

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writing so good atm hehe

#azzy talks #azzy speaks #brain go brrrrrr #shoutout to nina for being the sweetest bean tonight mwah mwah

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fieldofdaisiies · 1 year ago

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Ultima Ex Nobis | ch. XI

Nessian AU word count: ~2,8k words warnings: mentions of bad mental health summary: Six years into a global pandemic which was caused by a mass fungal infection that turns hosts into zombie-like creatures and makes the whole of Prythian collapse, the former army general Cassian Cadell is tasked with one very special mission – escorting Nesta Archeron, one of the few immune survivors, across a post-apocalyptic Prythian to a group of people of the name L. Their identity is unknown but they can make an antidote.

masterlist

“No?” Cassian raises a brow, watching in amusement how Nesta starts to fiddle with her fingers. “I just mean that you need the rest more than I do, you can have the bed.”

Her cheeks feel a little warm when a small smile appears on her face. Her heart is beating a little faster then, and she has a hard time holding Cassian’s gaze. His eyes are just so deep, so full of life and they pierce right into her soul. It feels like all her thoughts and emotions are revealed to the general when he looks at her like this.

“That is alright, Nes, the couch will do. You get the bed, discussion over.” He grins brightly, looking around in the kitchen to see if there is any food he dive into. Eris once again comes to his rescue and places his duffle bag on the counter, inside there are several things, also clothes, but most importantly food. There are cans with all sorts of food revealed to the others when the former doctor fully opens his bag and starts to unpack. Nesta watches the three men, standing around the food like it is some prey they have just caught. The corner of her mouth twitches upwards when she thinks ‘men’ and internally chuckles.

“Can opener?” Azriel asks and turns to the counter, opening some drawers to look inside. But Cassian is quicker. Next to the wooden block that holds some kitchen knives there is a can opener which he quickly fetches so he can dig into the first can. But Eris stops him, “Careful and most importantly, we need to save our resources. We have to share, and can only eat the bare minimum. I did not really plan on having to share my food with so many people.”

“Just with Azzy,” Cassian comments, a hint of amusement in his voice. But he understands — understands how serious the situation is and that they have to ration their food.

Nesta cocks her head a little, watching how carefully Cassian holds the can in his big hand, gentle opening it so nothing sweeps over the edges. His hands are so big, Nesta thinks, and so beautiful. Cassian has definitely the most beautiful hands she has ever seen and somehow she misses his touch, how his arm feels around her. Tonight they would not sleep together, he would not place his arm around, he would sleep downstairs and that thought makes anxiety bloom in her chest, a kernel of panic taking root in her heart. She would have to sleep alone, be alone in a dark room, which would give way to all those terrible nightmares. She could not—

“Beans?” A plate is held under Nesta’s nose and she lifts her gaze to look into Cassian’s eyes. He smiles at her and then grins.

“No worries, they can make you fart like hell, but you have the whole room to yourself. So you can pass as much wind as you want.” He chuckles at his own words, Azriel joining in but Eris keeps a straight face. So does Nesta, but not because she does not find Cassian funny, but because her thoughts are still with having to be alone that night and she has to admit it scares her terribly. “Thank you,” she finally whispers and reaches for the plate.

“I am also happy I am down here alone, those beans always make me super bloated.” Cassian scoops up a spoonful of said beans and shoves it into his mouth. Nesta finally leaves her haunting thoughts a little and chuckles slightly at his foolishness. Even during this shitty time he manages to be happy, and smile and talk so freely.

“Information I didn’t really did,” Azriel comments matter-of-factly and digs into his own plate, giving Eris a sidelong glance. But the doctor does not notice, his eyes are trained on the window.

“Azriel, you said you came across a Shambler?”

Azriel dips his chin and Eris finally averts his gaze, looking at his partner. “Are you sure it was a Shambler? Bloated made me think of the Bloaters. They are also stage four infected.”

“It was a Shambler,” Cassian cuts in and speaks around a mouthful of beans. “Absolutely sure. Why?”

Eris gives his head a little shake. “No, I was just curious. I am trying to figure out where which types of infected are. I will put it in my map later.” He points his spoon at his bag.

Her voice is barely above a whisper when Nesta asks, “What are Bloaters, if I may ask?”

With a small smile on his face, Eris lifts his gaze to her and opens his mouth. “Of course you may. Have those two fools not explained anything to you?”

Cassian looks almost a little sheepish at the accusation while Azriel keeps his straight and unreadable expression as usual. “I thought so. Well, here we go. How much do you know about the infected?”

“I don’t know too much,” Nesta answers and adds, “I know that I got bitten and nothing happened.” She chuckles a little and the sound is so pure and rich it makes Cassian’s chest warm and his head whips to hers. He wants to see her when she smiles, when she chuckles, how her eyes light up a little, because those moments where she laughs are not nearly enough, but Nesta too beautiful to not look at her when she does.

“Good, then lets start at the very beginning, you know there are four stages of infected?”

Nesta nods and explains the few things she knows and she has heard Keir and Bryallin talk about and that Cassian has told her. Eris inclines his head in acknowledgement and sets out to explain everything to her in detail. She has a right to know and Cassian only realises then that he should have done the explaining already. But there have been too many things on his mind, still are, he has never thought about it, has only given her minor details.

“Runners are those who have recently been infected with the Cordyceps virus. In short, the Cordyceps, I think you have been told is a parasitic fungal infection that attacks the brain first and then spreads out and destroys the host’s whole body.” Eris pauses and waits for Nesta’s nod, her go so he can continue.

“Runners are very fast, but rather weak and clumsy. But very dangerous due to their speed.”

“I think it was a Runner who turned me,” Nesta interrupts and the waves her hand in Eris’ direction so he can continue. He flashes her a small, empathetic smile and continues. “Stalkers are the second stage of infected. infected take between two weeks and one year to reach this stage.” Eris pauses to take another bite of his food and Nesta is impressed how he can do this, she feels a little nauseas at the explanations, yet desperately wants to know them.

“Stalkers have the vision and speed of Runners and you recognise them by their distinct croaking noises they make. Most of them also have only one eye left the other is pushed out of the socket by the fungal growth.”

Her face is a little green when Nesta places her plate down on the dusty window sill and scratches over her upper arms. A little amused smile blooms on Azriel face, Eris chuckles a little and Cassian looks a little paler, a disgusted grimace on his face. “I can stop, Nesta. With the explanation I mean.” “No!” Nesta quickly says and frantically shakes her head. “Please, continue.”

“Well you know some things about Clickers and Shamblers you said. And there are Bloaters which are an alternative fourth stage next to the Shamblers. They are rarer but utmost dangerous. Bloaters are incredibly strong and covered in thick fungus that effectively acts as armor for them. It is extremely difficult to defeat them.”

“But can you defeat them?” Nesta asks cautiously, goosebumps appearing on her skin. She shudders a little and finally picks up her plate again, forking one tiny bean.

“You can,” Azriel answers. “With fire.” His throat works on a swallow and Eris’ arm immediately reaches out, his hand taking Azriel’s into his, squeezing. Maybe fire has caused Azriel’s scars, Nesta gathers.

After Nesta thanks Eris for all the explanations, they continue eating in silence. It is late when Eris and Azriel decide to first go wash their bodies and then return to their room, the tiredness is etched into both their features and both Cassian and Nesta know that even though they seem quite relieved about finally being reunited again, they have a lot to discuss — a lot to discuss in privacy.

Nesta walks into the adjoint living room when Eris and Azriel ascend the staircase and her eyes immediately land on the huge bookshelf. Her feet move on their own accord, she brushes past the old and dusty couch and a box of toys. The sight of it makes her heart squeeze and she shudders but tries to focus on the shelf filled with books. Her eyes wander over the in dust covered bindings, but she does not care, the colours and titles are still perfectly visible. There are some lexica, dictionaries and other books, but those do not catch her attention. It is the romance books that do.

Her finger tips brush the spines of the books and they halt on a darker one. She pulls it out of the shelf, her eyes trailing over the title “A Touch of Darkness” and she flips the book over to read through the blurb. The story sounds phenomenal, her eyes are glowed to the words and if her mind wasn’t too occupied with everything going on around her she would have dove right into it.

“So you like music and reading. Anything else I need to know about you, Nes?”

Still caught in a stupor, Nesta swirls around and nearly drops the book. Cassian is leaning in the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest while he silently regards Nesta.

“No, I guess that is it. I am not very interesting,” she bites out, repeating what she has heard a lot of times in her life already. If you weren’t immune, no one would care about you.

Her teeth are clenched a little and she averts her gaze, looking at the small television sitting on a console and the radio Cassian is currently walking up to.

With the book in her hand, Nesta plops down on the couch but she knows she won’t read anything. She can’t focus. “So you want to read then?” Cassian asks almost if he could read her mind.

Nesta gives her head a little shake. “I think I can’t focus.”

The former general inclines his head in acknowledgment. “I understand that.”

Cassian leans against the console, folding his hands over his chest. “So Elain?” he questions, his tone sympathetic.

"My sister. Just like Feyre. I think you know her,” Nesta answers sharply. Her heart dips in her chest. Cassian nearly gasps. He has completely forgotten about that, and now wonders why Rhys has never mentioned her, never talked more about Nesta. After all she is his girlfriend’s sister.

“We didn’t have the perfect relationship — Feyre and I.” She opened up to much, Nesta realises in this moment and really wants to take the words back. She does not want to talk about it, but she has just opened a can of worms that she can’t close anymore.

Cassian slowly inclines his head, his face gloomy and sad. “And you and Elain?”

“I loved her and then I lost her. That is it.” Conversation is over for Nesta, but not for Cassian. He leans forward a little, looking at her intently. “Nesta, I am sorry you lost her. You want to talk about it?” She wants to shake her head, but stops. Maybe it is good finally sharing it? Finally opening up and sharing it with someone. She has kept it to herself for so long, for all these years.

“Elain was with me when I got bitten. I…I pushed her away, hoping she could escape. I really hope she ran, but I don’t know if she—“ “She left you behind?” Cassian is furious, and can’t believe it.

“I wanted her to leave me alone. She had no chance. I pushed her down a slope. I needed her to leave!” Nesta almost shouts, rage burning inside of her, tears brimming her eyes. “I had to do it. Can we change the topic?” There is pleading in her voice and Cassian nods, again, understanding now that she really does not want to talk. But he wants to be there for her somehow. He turns a little and pushes a button on the radio, turning it on. It groans at first which Cassian manages to fix rather quickly.

“Let’s dance, Nes!”

The former general reaches his hand out. The radio is cracking behind them once again before a soft tune starts to play and Nesta feels tingles in her legs. She looks up at Cassian with big eyes and places her book down. She does not care right now. Dancing has always helped. Her feet almost move on their own accord and make Nesta stand up and walk up to the general. She hesitates for a moment, nervousness rising inside of her. This would be an extremely intimate situation, but she will allow herself this moment.

Yes, it's gonna be a cold, lonely summer

But I'll fill the emptiness

Cassian’s hand and then his arm slowly, almost tentatively sneak around Nesta’s waist while his other hand takes hers into his. It is so small, almost fragile in his large hand, but he loves the feel of it — how perfectly they fit. They make eye contact the moment Cassian starts to lead them, a beautiful smile blooming on his face and Nesta wonders where he learned to dance like this.

I'll send you all my dreams every day in a letter

Sealed with a kiss

“I like that song. It is so beautiful.” Nesta whispers and once again meets Cassian’s gaze, this time they lock and they look into each other’s eyes like there is nothing else in this world but the two of them. And for this short, fleeting moment, it is truly just them.

I'll see you in the sunlight

I'll hear your voice everywhere

I'll run to tenderly hold you

But baby, you won't be there

“As beautiful as the woman I am currently dancing with.” Cassian’s hands grab hers tighter and he moves her just an inch closer. Cassian grins brightly, moving them over the ground with graceful simplicity. Nesta enjoys this more than she has enjoyed anything in the past months, years. She relishes in the simplicity of this moment, in the feel of Cassian’s solid body and how he easily moves them over the floor. She loves it and finally has to grin. Her eyes are aglow, still locked with Cassian’s when the grin on her face spreads from one ear to the other, her cheeks warming a little. Cassian’s skin tingles, his heart coming alive at the grin on her face. He never wants it to fade.

It is the radio that puts a spoke in their wheel. The moment the song finishes the radio starts groaning and croaking again and the two of them reluctantly have to part.

They are a little awkward, not quite sure what to talk about, in the seconds that follow and so Cassian suggests that he will take a shower first and then Nesta can do so. Nesta agrees, watching how Cassian disappears into the bathroom on the ground floor, softly closing the door behind him.

Her cheeks are still hot when Nesta falls face forward onto the couch and grins into on of the old and shabby pillows. “Oh god!” she expresses happily and slaps one hand onto the couch. She feels like she is sixteen again, with her very first crush and oh god, the butterflies are doing crazy things in her belly and she can’t stop herself from grinning. The moment has ended way too quickly, but it still happened and that thought alone makes her incredibly happy.

She is still smiling when she hears the door open and quickly sits up, her hands smoothing down her hair and dress and—

Her jaw drops to the ground when she sees the former general standing in the middle of the corridor in his half-naked glory, water still visible on his solid, sculpted chest. Her mouth dries out and her mind goes blank and there is only one thing on her mind — desire.

~~~~~~

tags: @helhjertet @moonlightazriel@aayo-whatt@crushedcloudsx @brekkershadowsinger @girasoli-e-sorrisi @ignite-me @swifti-ed @cassiansbigwingspan @burningsnowleopard @headcanonheadcase @banasheefan56 @a-frog-with-a-laptop

#nessian #nesta x cassian #acotar #acotar au #acosf #nesta archeron #cassian acotar

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