#aww man my ovaries... they exploded

[chentastic]

my ovaries:

Im going crazy for your sydney design.

which one? cause i honestly like both of them

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 5

Daphne sneaking in like a thief in the night.

Violet you're just hungover. Raw eggs and garlic Though?

Engaged to a Duke > Engaged to a Prince. That's it. That's Violets only thought.

Daphne you full of shit.

Awe your mama thinks the Duke got in your guts.

Well Violet, if you would actually TALK to your daughters about sex and their bodies. That is truly a tragic flaw.

She is hyped about this wedding though.

Oh Queen...no triumph for your messy ass.

Poor Prince Cormac (I know it's Friedrich).

Oh this is a scandal babe!

Daphne is not here for your childish shit today Eloise.

I kind of really feel bad for the prince and I want him to find a good lady. He's so pure.

Hyacinth little nosey ass.

Really Simon? Late and Drunk? Tear that mf up Lady Danbury. Somebody needs to.

She's trying to be kind....

God the way he looks at her!!! The way his mouth just breaks open is like armor cracking. He loves her truly.....fuckboy just doesn't know how to show it.

Ooooh he pulled his hand away. That hurt.

Fuck you Anthony. Delacroix is intervening now. I love her grifter ass.

Light his ass up, Portia!

Oh Penelope is full of the shade now. Poor girl.

Oh she scheming with her mama. Girl you fucking sneak.

Poor Rose is so confused. I love her though. Wedding planning is HARD!

Oh here comes this bitch Cressida!

She's holding that shit in her pocket for a rainy day. She'll bust their heads about it one day. I'm sure.

The Queen is so about the drama and the prince is just so chill. That bitch up to something.

Simon not accepting a dowry. At least they don't have to pay you to marry her. How romantic.

Oh are y'all buddies again now? Is #teamfuckboy a thing again?

Well your request for an expedited wedding got DENIED in big red letters.

Daphne bout to split a wig.

Violet being oblivious as always and Danbury breaking it all down.

The queen is being petty over her nephew.........just like Danbury says. Give her what she wants. A fucking show.

Heyyyy Benny!

Oh shit you're at the real party now.

Hello Delacroix.

Well fucking A! Get y'all some.

Bisexual Benny? Methinks yes? And I love it.

Wait...... is this an orgy? Go off Benedict.

Drunk ass Simon.....crying because he "trapped" Daphne. Boy. I feel like you're complicating the fuck out of this.

Mondrich is such a real one. This world does not deserve Will Mondrich.

Marina is determined that she's gonna trap Colin with a baby that is not his. He's just so pure that it makes me hope she fails at this. All this fucking reproductive evasion is making me uneasy.

But Portia is along for the ride.

Oh fuck, here's the King.

Its crazy to see real sentiment and love in the queen.

Aw fuck that's so sad. To watch the mind come and go in a loved one.

Daphne your ass needs to quit taking nighttime strolls.

Oh here it is. Daphne thinks he's physically unable to have children and that it's a source of great pain for him. Poor girl.

At least Rose is trying to be comforting.

And to be fair, Daphne, you fucking idiots love each other.

From the mouth of babes.

Get yo shit together Simon.

Alice always spitting hot ones. She's a babe.

Plus she's always looking out for her man's.

Aww look at Simon looking at the kids.

Let yo daddy go!

"With these knees, yes, Your Majesty." Danbury is the goat.

Gawd Daphne you are sinking at pleading to the queen.

Simon out here telling y'alls secrets. This man is wild.

Holy fuck what a love confession. It would nicer if he could SAY IT TO HER! AND LOOK AT HER!

Well the queen is biting.

Looks like someone is getting hitched!

Oooooh that music.

Gawd Simon is fine in black velvet. Fuck me he's fine in everything.

Yes look at her while you take that glove off and put that ring on.

They have completely redefined intimacy. Fuck.

Reception time.

She just wants to talk to her man.

Go away Cressida, damn.

Aww Penelope is trying to get Colin out of Marinas crosshairs.

Marina is heavy plotting.

She's really trying to seduce him and he's too honorable.

She got her proposal though.

Queen, Daphne barely knows about masturbating. She doesn't know dick about a wedding night. Pun intended.

Eloise and the queen my gawd.

Benny said don't ask don't tell.

Anthony's ass was the most against this fucking union, and now everything is kosher. Simon didn't want a dowry and now they get to be buddies again. This mf is a complete tool.

Simon, go get your wife.

Nope, just Violet with some more vague bullshit.

You call that a sex talk.

Its natural like rain. Then puppies. Bassett puppies.

Poor Daphne.

Her mom won't tell her shit about sex and her husband won't look at or speak to her.

Bitch gonna be rubbing it out on her wedding night. Poor babe.

Aww now it's time leave your childhood home. Not bittersweet or anything.

Damn he really didn't even tell her they'd be staying at an inn in their wedding night. Simon! Start telling your wife THINGS!

She took that shit right on the chin.

This mf really got separate rooms. She's pissed!

Aw...pacing together but in their separate rooms.

And she goes to the door.....he's at the door, on the other side.

Really Simon?!? DINNER?!?!

Now we're getting somewhere.

Here he goes with the kid lies again.....not feeling that shit Simon.

But fuck.

Fuck me. This love confession. If it ain't this, I don't want it.

The way he growls when he burns. My ovaries are exploding.

Yes! You burn for each other now fucking kiss!

Aw. And you're married now so you don't have to stop.

Oh my gawd. Oh my gawd. Yes. Show her more!

I just want somebody to spin me around and kiss up the side of my neck. Fuck. This shit is hot.

The artistry of that man. Yes girl yes. The touch of the chest, arms and shoulders.

Oh we throwing dirty talk in here too!

Hell yeah she touched herself. Tf you thought.

Oh my God. His face when he takes her hand. That man is God's Gift.

Her face when he took them pants off......fuck. I'm over here wishing this was Starz and we'd get some full frontal. Idc idc idc. I am horny for the Duke in every way.

They definitely romanticized what it's like to lose your virginity. It's never like that.

That fucking stroke on him though.

Daphne you new to this, but telling him you masturbated to him is a quick way to make him uhhhh....reach his pinnacle. The way he sped up when she said that shit. I was like okay now, das pretty realistic.

Ahhh the pullout method. Works every time.

And poor Daphne doesn't even know wtf a pull out is.

Well either way.

The duke makes me want to be seduced. Not just fucked. SEDUCED!

Well its only a matter of time before truth bombs get dropped, so I'm just gonna enjoy the view until we get there.

[jlalafics]

“Katniss and Peeta’s Excellent No-Baby Adventure”-an Everlark Fic

For @drivebyanon who requested this prompt: Peeta and Katniss go on a date and leave the baby home with a babysitter for the first time 😄

(I totally relate...)

Summary: Peeta plans to give his wife the best date night ever. Katniss decides to name it. Everlark with a smattering of Hayhanna, Odesta, Gadge, and few other couples.

Peeta stood up as his wife hastily entered the restaurant.

“I’m sorry, babe!” Katniss kissed him quickly, all the while taking off her blazer and revealing her black date night dress. It was a cute number with a simple silhouette and cap sleeves. It was also the only decent dress that fit her after Rye was born. “Meeting ran late. Then, Beetee caught me as I was getting on the elevator. Seriously, it’s Friday. I mean, get out of the office—”

“Don’t worry about it.” Her husband pulled out the chair for her and signaled over their server. “You can drink, right?”

Katniss nodded excitedly. “Oh yeah—I have pumped for the next two days. I am ready to forget this whole week.”

Peeta sat down as the server came up to their table. “She’ll have a glass of Riesling.”

“What’s going on?” his wife asked immediately. “It’s too early in the evening for you to want to get laid.”

“Okay…I have some good news and some bad news,” Peeta told her. “Which one first?”

“Bad news, of course,” Katniss replied as she placed her napkin on her lap.

“Katie had to cancel on us.” He let out a slight breath. “Actually, all our usual high school kids had to cancel when I tried to find a replacement. It seems a number of kids at Panem High caught a case—”

Katniss was genuinely curious. “What? Head lice?”

“Chlamydia,” her husband told her. “So, Katie is grounded for the rest of the school year until she’s off to college.”

“Oh Katie…” Katniss shook her head. “Is it horrible that I’m a little relieved? It’s not that I wanted her to get something that could have easily been prevented with a condom. But I was also thinking that we have to clean everything out in the house in hopes that Rye wouldn’t get lice.”

“No, my big concern is that she invited guys over,” Peeta explained. “I checked all the outside cameras. No one that we didn’t know has entered the house.”

The server reappeared placing her glass in front of her. “So, who is currently watching our child?”

“Drink that first.” Katniss took a long swig. “The good news is that I found a great babysitter. She is more than capable and can actually stay later than Katie could, anyway.”

His wife’s gaze went steely. “Who, Peeta?”

“Johanna.”

“Johanna!” Katniss exclaimed. “She’s never watched a kid in her life. And when did she pop back into town?”

“She is Rye’s Godmother,” Peeta pointed out. “And she’s family. I may have also told her that she could stay for a couple of days.”

The last bit of information was said in such a rush that Katniss almost didn’t catch it.

Peeta hoped she wouldn’t.

“Well…” Katniss took another large gulp from her glass. “…I’m sure she won’t be that bad.”

She downed the rest of her drink.

++++++

Johanna Mason looked at her nephew in the bassinet beside her. He was fast asleep, the mobile above him playing softly. She could tell that her stepbrother had doubts about her ability to watch her nephew, but Johanna was sure that he was blowing it all out of proportion.

Rye was just a baby; he ate, slept, and pooped. This was not a big deal.

Then, the mobile broke.

And the crying began.

++++++

Peeta and Katniss ordered their usual; lamb for her and chicken for him. When their plates arrived, he took the radishes off her salad and she grabbed half of his fries. They caught up on work and she told him about some of the new cases that they were taking on at the firm. He told her about some of the commissions that were coming since his latest gallery show.

Everything was going great in their professional lives and—after many years of trying—they finally got the baby that they’ve been waiting for.

Halfway through dinner, Katniss made a suggestion. “Should we call and check on the baby?”

Peeta reached over, placing his hand over hers.

“Katniss, I’m sure everything is alright.” He looked around the restaurant before leaning forward. “You need to relax, because you’ve been working so hard especially since going back to the firm.” Peeta could tell that she was already trying to come up with ways to get home. “Tell me. What is something that you’ve really wanted to do but couldn’t because you just had a baby?”

Katniss searched her mind. “Um…maybe see a concert…go on a rollercoaster…go dancing?”

“That’s a lot,” Peeta replied grinning. “Let’s do it.”

Right after he texted Johanna.

++++++

‘How’s it going?’

Johanna quickly looked at her phone screen on the coffee table. In her arms was a wailing Rye Mellark, his face red and his bright blue eyes full of tears. She patted his sweaty raven hair as she stood up to pace the floor.

“Baby Boy, it’s just a mobile—” He wailed louder. “I’m sure we can find an alternative song…”

Except Johanna didn’t know any songs.

The next text came in: ‘Should we come home?’

With her free hand, she picked up the phone and pressed the speech-to-text icon.

“’We’re fine. The stupid mobile broke, but it’s okay. Do not come home. One of us should get laid and you two haven’t been alone for six months.’”

She threw the phone on the couch.

“Okay, Rye,” Johanna said to the weeping six-month-old. “Auntie Johanna doesn’t know all the Twinkle-Twinkle bullshit, but she does know her Black Eyed Peas.”

The fussy baby lifted his head to her expectantly.

Okay, she had this.

“Whatcha gonna do with all that junk…all that junk inside your trunk…”

++++++

“Where are we?” Katniss asked as they walked past the long line of people.

“You wanted to see a band, right?” They headed towards the box office. “Are there any tickets left?”

The attendant—a curly-haired teenager—gave them a buzzed smile.

“We don’t have anything on the floor,” he said. “But we do have some VIP tickets left. You get a private booth and unlimited drinks.”

Then, the boy told them the price.

“We cannot afford that,” Katniss told her husband.

“We can and we’re doing it.” Peeta kissed her gently, earning an appreciative hum from Katniss. “You pushed our kid out of your vagina. It’s the least I can do.”

She already knew she would say yes.

But first…

“Let me just text Johanna really quick about feeding Rye.”

++++++

‘Make sure that you give him the spinach that I blended for him. Thanks!’

Two rounds of ‘My Humps’ had quieted her nephew down and by the end, he had actually giggled at her.

When he wanted to be, Rye could be adorable.

They were currently in the kitchen as she warmed a bottle of Katniss’ breast milk—ew—and searched for the pureed spinach in the fridge. Rye sat in his highchair, plastic spoon in his grasp.

“Alright, we’re going to feed you this spinach that your Momma made for you,” Johanna told her nephew, pulling out a small container. She blanched seeing the green mush but went to the baby. “Yum…yum…”

Opening the jar, Johanna put her nose to it.

“Oh, gross!” She looked to the baby. “She makes you eat this?”

Rye put his spoon in his mouth and chewed.

Johanna put the concoction in the garbage. “Oh whoops…looks like you dumped it in the garbage.” She went to the fridge and looked at the other labeled jars. “What do you think of peaches for dinner?”

The baby pulled the spoon out his mouth and gave her a gummy smile.

Holy shit. Her ovaries just exploded.

++++++

“Wow, these seats are amazing,” Katniss gasped as they entered the balcony. “And we’re practically next to the stage.” She turned to her husband. “Thank you so much. We probably won’t be able to send our son to college with the amount you paid, but it was well worth it.”

Peeta shrugged, a smile against his lips. “Well, we’re just going to have to hope that he’s stupid, so we don’t have to worry about it.” He reached, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. “I love seeing you smile.”

“If you’re trying to get laid—” Her arms wrapped around his neck. “—it’s totally working.” She pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. “I love you so much.”

Peeta’s lips went to her temple, wondering how he ever got someone as beautiful, inside and out, as his Katniss. He lingered against her skin for a moment before lifting her chin to meet her eyes.

“You two are the cutest fucking couple that I have ever seen.”

They turned to find two women by the entrance curtain of their box. One was dark-haired and wearing a green moto jacket with a silk tank and leather leggings. The other was a long-haired blonde. She was wearing a white dress, an oversized jean jacket, and combat boots.

“I didn’t realize that there were four seats here,” Katniss said suddenly. “Sorry! We were just about to makeout in the box.”

“Not that I wouldn’t love for you to continue but my fiancé is about to come on stage,” the brunette informed them. “I’m Annie Cresta and this is my friend, Madge Undersee.”

Peeta nodded at the two. “I’m Peeta Mellark and this is my wife, Katniss.”

The quartet shook hands before taking their seats with Peeta sitting at the end.

“So, your fiancé is in District 4?” Katniss asked.

“He’s the lead singer,” Annie said proudly. “Madge’s man is on drums.”

“So cool!” Katniss replied before turning to her husband. “I can’t believe we’re sitting with people who know the band!”

“I bet Rye is going to love hearing about this,” Peeta replied, putting an arm around her.

“Who’s that?” Madge asked.

“Our little boy.” Katniss pulled out her phone to show them her lock screen featuring their cherub of a son. “He’s six months old. This is actually our first time leaving him for the night…” Her eyes filled slightly. “I kind of miss him.”

“Aww…don’t cry Momma.” Madge gave her a smile. “I’m sure he’s doing fine.”

“Thanks.” Katniss sniffled. “Blubbering was so not part of ‘Katniss and Peeta’s Excellent No-Baby Adventure’.”

“Did you just name our date?” her husband asked in amusement.

Katniss shrugged. “Yeah…”

“Pretty cool. What else do you two have planned?” Annie asked curiously.

“Katniss wanted to go to a concert…go dancing…go on a rollercoaster…” Peeta listed.

“You know what?” Madge suddenly said. “I think we can help you. After District 4’s set is done, you two are coming backstage with us.”

Peeta looked to his wife who nodded excitedly.

“I’ll text Johanna that we’re going to be late.”

++++++

‘Don’t wait up. We’re at a concert and are going to hang with one of the bands after their set is over.’

“Whoa. Your parents are so extra,” Johanna informed the baby, who was laying on her chest. She was prone across the couch, one hand on Rye’s back and the other on her phone. She placed it on the armrest above before grabbing the remote. “They need a fun night.” She stopped flipping when her eyes caught a movie obviously filmed in Hawaii, the island sunset so achingly familiar. “I was just there. Left a man…thought he might’ve been the one. I guess I’ll never know.”

Rye let out a content sigh, burrowing against her contently.

Johanna kissed the top of his head.

“I much prefer snuggling with you, anyway.”

++++++

“Before we finish for the night, I wanted to sing one last song,” Finnick, lead singer of District 4, said. “My beautiful fiancée Annie is here tonight—” There was riotous applause and Annie blew Finnick a kiss from her seat. “It’s kind of a special night for us, so I wanted to sing a cover of our song.”

Thresh, on keyboard, started the beginning of the slow tune as Finnick put mouth to the mic, his eyes on the woman at their box, whose green eyes were glowing with love.

“My heart is filled with so much love…and I need someone I can call my own…” Finnick crooned and there was a collective sigh among the crowd. “To fall in love—that's what every one's dreaming of I hold this feeling oh so strong…”

Peeta leaned over to his wife, who watched the performance and was mouthing the words. It was a popular song when they were teenagers.

“Did you want to dance?” he asked her suddenly.

Katniss turned to him. “Here?”

Peeta stood up, offering his hand. “Yes, here.” Urged by Madge, Katniss took his hand and stood up. He pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her waist as his other hand entwined in hers. “I’m surprised I didn’t get more of a fight.”

“Well, you’re only trying to check things off my list,” Katniss replied, her chin resting on his shoulder. She pressed a delicate kiss to his neck, and he shivered at the spike of pleasure that raced through his body. “Is there anything you want?”

“A little girl?” he suggested, and she drew away from him in shock. “Kidding…for now. Let’s have a few years of seeing if we even like that little meatloaf at home.” Katniss giggled at his words. “Instead, I’d like to practice.”

She raised a brow. “Practice.”

He pulled her close, his mouth brushing over hers. “Thoroughly…until you’re too tired to practice…tonight.”

Katniss laughed breathily. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of practicing with you.”

++++++

Five Hours Earlier…

He packed his bag methodically, trying to think of the many ways to beg for her back without looking like too much of an inconsiderate dumbass. She had told him that she wanted more, and he argued with her; told her that they agreed on it not being forever.

So, Johanna left and took whatever was left of his mangled heart with her.

She had mentioned going to the mainland to see her brother and his family.

Going to his laptop, Haymitch typed in the last name ‘Mellark’, finding the address easily.

A knock on the door sounded—his taxi was here.

Now, he only had five hours to figure out how to convince Johanna to marry him.

+++++++

“Finnick, come meet Peeta and Katniss Mellark,” Annie said, her hand entwined with the bronze-haired man. “Mellarks, meet my fiancé. Finnick Odair.”

The man gave them a bright smile. “Nice to meet you two.” Finnick shook Peeta’s hand and kissed Katniss on the cheek. “I heard you were having an ‘Excellent No-Baby Adventure’.”

“I told you that name was cool,” Katniss crowed to her husband before turning to the couple. “Yes, we’ve already gotten 2 out of the 3 things out of the way.”

“Madge mentioned that you two wanted to ride a rollercoaster.” A dark-haired man with steel eyes approached them. “Gale Hawthorne.” He shook their hands before turning to Finnick and Annie. “Did you tell them where we’re going?”

“No, but they’re coming with us whether they like it or not,” Madge declared, wrapping an arm around Gale’s waist.

++++++

On the way to their destination (in a limo!), the Mellarks met the rest of the band.

There was, of course, Finnick, who was the lead singer and Gale on drums. Cato was on bass and Thresh was on keyboard. They had all met in high school and formed the band after graduation, deciding to try and break into the music industry in oppose to attending college.

They were steadily gaining popularity, their latest single getting regular radio play.

“We’re heading to New York after this to speak with an actual record label,” Finnick told them, his arm around Annie. “Hopefully, it will all work out.”

“In the meantime, I’ve booked them some gigs to keep us living in the lap of luxury,” Annie added. “We’re here!”

Katniss looked out the window and her smoky eyes widened. “Holy shit.”

Thresh chuckled. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“The girls are here!” Cato added excitedly.

The Mellarks stepped out of the limo in a daze at the sight of the amusement park before them.

“Whoa, they really did help with the list,” Peeta said, putting an arm around his wife. “Ready to ride a coaster?”

They joined the group and were introduced to Clove, Cato’s wife, a petite woman with a messy bob who was obviously pregnant underneath her navy sheath dress. Then Thresh introduced his wife, Finch; a tall redhead with sharp eyes who looked very statuesque in her gold lamé dress.

“We’re all set,” Finch told them, walking them through the turnstiles to get into the park. The place had obviously been closed for hours, as the usual litter of parkgoers had been cleared. However, the place was still lit up.

“What’s going on?” Peeta asked as they stopped in front of a large water fountain. Across from it was a two-tier carousel.

“It was a sign of good luck that we met you two,” Annie told them brightly. “Because Finnick and I are getting married.”

Katniss beamed at the two. “When?”

A blond man rushed over, a piece of paper in his hands. “I had to print out my certification at one of the ticket booths. Are we ready?”

Finnick smiled at the couple. “I guess now.”

Madge quickly explained that the amusement park was where Finnick and Annie had their first date and that they kissed at this exact spot where they would also get married. Marvel, their last-minute guest, was Annie’s cousin and the officiant.

So, it came to be that in front of a beautiful lit carousel, Annie and Finnick married.

Peeta wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist as they watch Finnick sniffle through his vows.

“Feels like that was just us,” he said.

“You cried a lot more,” Katniss replied softly before turning her head to press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you for marrying me.”

“Thank you for giving me that little meatloaf at home,” Peeta said into her hair, watching as the couple exchanged rings. “You two are the best things in my life.”

“By the power vested in me and the hopefully legit internet site that ordained me, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Marvel announced. Everyone applauded, the guys letting out whoops of excitement. “Finnick, you may now kiss your bride—just not too much tongue, because she’s my cousin and that would be really gross to see.”

“Then avert your eyes,” Finnick told the man and Marvel chuckled before turning away.

Pulling Annie into his arms, the new husband dipped her down before planting a kiss to her lips, unaware of the cheers around them.

++++++

Johanna awoke to the doorbell ringing. She looked down, finding Rye still asleep, his mouth slightly open.

Sitting up carefully, Johanna readjusted so that the little one was in the crook of her arm before standing up and heading to the front door.

Maybe the couple had forgotten their keys?

The doorbell rang once more.

“Hold your horses,” she muttered before reaching to turn the knob and opening the door. Her mouth fell open at the person before her. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” Haymitch asked. “I mean, I came all the way here.”

“No one asked you to,” Johanna muttered, patting Rye’s back. “Plus, I’m obviously very busy.”

“I wanted to,” the man before her said. “And he looks like he’s out for the night.”

“Of course, he is. Rye has spent most of the night asleep on my chest,” she retorted.

“I can relate.” Johanna couldn’t help but chuckle at Haymitch’s words. “Can we please talk?”

“Fine. But if you wake him, you die.”

She widened the door.

++++++

The air was cool from their seats.

“Last thing checked off the list for ‘Katniss and Peeta’s Excellent No-Baby Adventure’,” Peeta said as they ascended in their coaster cart. The newly minted Odairs had the front cart but if they decided to go again, he insisted that they get the front.

“I’m really starting to have doubts about going on this roller coaster,” Katniss said, gripping the railing in front of them. “However, I think this has been a really cool night. I’m looking forward to the next one.”

“I promise there will be another adventure,” he told her.

Katniss leaned over to kiss her husband, no longer caring that they were at the crest of the roller coaster, ready to tip down into the unknown.

They were ready for whatever came next.

FIN.

I really wanted to have ‘Date Night’ vibes (you know the movie starring Tina Fey and Steve Carell) because I think that they had such great chemistry.

Music:

“My Humps” –The Black Eyed Peas

“Shower Me with Your Love”—Surface

All the popular girls in my high school used to do this hula dance to this song and I kind of imagine Annie being one of those girls doing that hula dance during a school talent show and Finnick just falling in love with her in a grass skirt. I thought that it would be cool if that was Finnick and Annie’s song since they’re from a coastal district.

Thanks for reading.

[iximaz]

Running thoughts on The Mandalorian Episode 8

This episode summed up in one word: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???!!!

I’m only gonna say it once: MASSIVE spoilers beyond the break!

THEY PUT BABY YODA IN THE BAG ASDFGHJKL; YOU MONSTERS aw cute point of view shot from inside the bag but also HOW DARE YOU

DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY HIT MY BABY 

did you seriously do it TWICE

Okay these two troopers have big Taika energy and as much as I already hate them I’m laughing my ass off

These two trying some target practice to pass the time can’t shoot for shit and I’m living for it

That other trooper be like

Okay it’s not just me who heard that trooper say “Oh my god”, right??

You go Baby Yoda, you bite that mean trooper WHO JUST FUCKING PUNCHED YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM I HOPE THEY DIE

oh my god IG you better show them what’s what

Breaking that fucker’s arm after he hit Baby Yoda yesssssss

IG is an icon and i love him

“The Mandalorians have a covert down in the sewers” oh that’s neat so that’s where it was

“If we can get down there, they can help us escape” uhhh Dyn how long has it been since they said they’d have to relocate buddy

Oh the troopers are getting out a big gun thing this is fine they’ll just miss with it anyway

...What the hell kind of sewer has access inside a bar lounge?

can we just get more footage of cara with her big gun being sexy and stuff please

SHE’S FROM ALDERAAN HOLY SHIT WHAT

HE KNOWS THEIR NAMES OH SHIT

!!!!! SPELLING CONFIRMED IT’S DIN DJARIN MY MAN I NEED TO GO EDIT MY FANFIC NOW BUT AAAAAAAA

“Night of a Thousand Tears” is this just me or does this just sorta feel like Kristallnacht like seriously yikes and also oof

Ughhhhh I hate Moff Gideon so good job writers on that I absolutely loathe your villain well done

“Mandalorian isn’t a race.” “It’s a Creed.” FUCKIN YES THANK YOU THIS IS SOMETHING FANS WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT

baby din is so precious and i wanna feed him cookies and tell him it’s gonna be okay send help please

ARE THOSE DEATH WATCH MANDOS OH MY GODDDDDDD

Baby Din being carried away via jetpack my heart

Oh man so the Purge would have happened semi-recently which means Din’s clan are a more orthodox version of the Way that’s neat aw shit Imma have to tweak my fic again aren’t I

Baby Yoda and IG-11 on the bike together are just stunning

“I am fulfilling my base function. ... To nurse and protect.” YOU GO NURSE DROID IG

Greef downing shots thinking he’s gonna die is honestly such a mood

hnggg yess more of Cara being sexy AF

MOFF JUST BLEW UP MY HUSBAND HOW DARE YOU

Cara yes RESCUE HIM PLEASE

“If you go near this child, I will have no choice but to kill you.” ME TOO

Oh shit oh shit that’s chunky blood

Not good not good not good

Din baby please you can’t die this is your show

oh god is he gonna need to take the helmet off

oh no he’d rather die than take it off

he wants cara to protect his baby send help

“the foundling” BABY YODA IS CONFIRMED HIS SON NOW AAA

BABY YODA REDIRECTING THE FIREBALL YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

Din asking IG to kill him nooo ;-;

The episode’s only half over and I still haven’t seen some of the trailer shots how’re they getting out of this

oh

oh m

my god

“No living thing has s-seen me without m-my helmet since I s-swore the C-Creed—” Din stoppit stop stuttering and dying you’re breaking my heart

Oh no is this gonna make him stop hating droids so much is this a loophole is this not can he not be Mandalorian is he g

oh my g

Din baby look at what they’ve done to you

(internally: oh my god he’s hot this is not fair imma die send help my ovaries am become explode)

HE’S SO EXPRESSIVE WITHOUT THE HELMET

his reaction to IG’s attempt to make a joke like my god aaaaaaa

I’m just gonna go cry seeing all the helmets and armor piled up here if we’re gonna continue the Jews parallel this is like all the shoes you see at Holocaust museums and I bet this was 100% intentional

Din just slowly falling to his knees seeing it :(

Oh thank fuck the Armorer is actually alive and the preview scene wasn’t from a flashback!

She knows about the Jedi~~~

Din: “So you mean this thing is my baby now?” Armorer: “Bitch haven’t you been watching the entire show”

For real this brings my heart so much fucking joy I can’t even

“You are a clan of two.” ASDFGHJKL; AAAA

HE GOT THE MUDHORN AS HIS SIGNET AFTER ALL

“Have you trained in the Rising Phoenix?” JETPACK?

“When I was a boy, yes.”

JETPACK!!!!!!

BABY DIN LEARNING HOW TO USE A JETPACK ART NOW PLEASE AAA

Also okay so like he says nobody’s said his name since he was a kid but apparently the entire clan knows it? What? Did I miss something? Guys?

Maybe he’s never heard the name from people outside the clan? Fuck it, that’s what Imma go with

Oh my god the Armorer beating the absolute hell out of those Stormtroopers I am so gay for her right now aaaaa

Cara watching Greef and Din trying to move the boat and then she just shoots the dock it’s on XD

aww the little R2 unit’s got little arms WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING IT’S GOT LEGS TOO??

Din: “I don’t suppose anybody here speaks droid?” IG-11: “bish u wot m8″

God the convection from this lava river’s gotta be brutal

omg fire ferrets good bois good bbs

...Literally everything about IG’s death and Din starting to overcome his hatred of droids just in time to watch his savior self-destruct to save them all hurts so hard, jesus christ

oh shit it’s the Moff in a TIE

“Come on, baby! Do the magic hand thing!” Greef you absolute icon i love u

Baby Yoda just fuckin waving back at him and cooing im ded

oh shit it’s motherfuckin JETPACK TIME

wait how’s he wearing it over the cape won’t the cape burn up

Nvm he’s got the cape slung over one shoulder now

HE FLYIN HE FLYIN HE FLYIN

aAaAaAaAaAaAaA THAT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR HIS ARMS

hahaha Moff get fuckin REKT (no way he’s dead though people climb out of worse crashes than that all the time)

Okay Din using the jetpack is way sexier than it should be can he just take me now please i thirst

Cara becoming Greef’s enforcer is just perfect and I hope we see more of these two in the next season also sweet Din is gonna find his life a lot easier now that he’s not running from the Guild

BABY YODA WANTS TO BE PICKED UP BY HIS DADDY MY HEART AAAA IT’S JUST LIKE WHEN DIN WAS SAVED AS A KID

He made Kuiil a grave im not crying ur crying

is he gonna name the baby Kuill

Baby Yoda has the pendant he gave Cara!!

HE GETS TO KEEP THE PENDANT DIN HAS ACCEPTED HE’S GOT A SON AAA

And now we pan back to the wreck where Moff is climbing out of it

or not

fuckin Jawas, man

Now Moff?

wait

oh

my

g

w

o

OH

MY GOD

IT’S

IT’S THE DARKSABER!!!!!!!!

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2019

#169 - Music of the Heart, by Katie Ashley

Mount TBR (111/100)

Rating: 2/5 stars

At one point, in one of her many proud, take-no-crap moments, the heroine of this story says she needs a chiropractor for the emotional whiplash the hero has been inflicting on her. I'm right there with you, sister, but for the entire book, not just his behavior. Every time you stood up for yourself against a douchebag or a jerkwad, I was cheering for you, but then you just keep giving your emotionally crippled hero chance after chance after chance when he treats you like garbage. Now, when I grabbed this romance ages ago, either free or deeply discounted because the blurb sounded vaguely interesting, I had not fully realized our heroine was a Christian virgin whose three older brothers comprised a Christian rock band. I am not Christian and through repeated exposure generally find Christian romances to be bland or bad or even intolerable. So color me surprised that Abby ended up being my favorite character in the book (though that's not actually saying much because of all the flaws this story had) and the underlying message, that of forgiveness, was clearly a Christian one but not via Bible-thumping or excessive preachiness. Which I appreciate. In reality, her Christian background strikes me more as a all-in-one reason for her to be the angelic virgin counterpoint to the bad-boy rock star, more than this actually constituting a "Christian" romance as they usually are. Jake is a needy mess and the underlying message of forgiveness translates effectively to "Don't give up on this jackass no matter how bad he treats you, because forgiveness is good and yeah sure stand up for yourself but only so far." I would have left Jake and stayed gone long before the end of the book. Also, his final try at pushing her away was one of the most fake things I've ever read in my life--very very few people are that bad and say such awful things, especially when it's a 180 from their previous behavior. But when she storms off because he's a horrible person and it's the last straw, she forgives him when he changes his mind and chases after her. Because of course she does, and then they can live happily ever after. So there are aspects of this that I like--mostly Abby when she sticks up for herself, and to a lesser extent, how AJ, one of the other band members, becomes her friend after he realizes he's got no shot with her because of Jake and actually is a pretty decent friend. But the things I didn't like far outweigh that--how the message nearly exonerates Jake from all of his bad behavior, how everyone follows all their assigned tropes and gender roles to perfection without a single interesting deviation, how poorly edited it is (missing or misplaced punctuation abounds, and quite a few times the author uses common phrases incorrectly, and there are some obvious typos a spellcheck would not catch.) I don't like how fast Jake and Abby go from disgust/hate/annoyance to love. I don't like how small children ended up being used as props in one scene to make Jake sexier to Abby, because "aww, look at the man with the baby, my ovaries just exploded." Not cool.        

[pegasusdragontiger]

I have this thing in my head of every time I see Bucky in his full WS gear and with his guns and knife murder strutting into battle, Jane and Darcy see it. Darcy thinks to herself but actually say’s out loud that his murder strut is a gift from the gods and her ovaries are exploding. Jane looks up from her machines tilts her head looks at the screen showing the battle in the lab nods her head and said I can see that, but Thor when angry and pissed off get’s her ovaries exploding. As the lab communications where open to the group was open Tony scoffs and said there is no way that Barnes has a sexy murder strut if anyone did it was him, Nat barks a laugh and say’s please if anyone did it would be me. Clint would humm and say well I am kinda torn as I agree with Nat but I could so do a better murder strut than y’all. Thor laughs say’s nonsense if anyone did it would be I! Steve say’s can we please get back to the mission!!! Sam no way man if anyone had one it would be me and their’s nothing you girls can do about. Vision say’s will as this conversation doesn’t make sense to me but the part that was Jarvis would have to agree with Miss Darcy on this. Darcy thanks former Jarvis now Vision!! Tony wrong no no that is illegal and as your Father Vision you can’t vote against me!! Pepper say’s actually you aren’t is father you have 12% dear Banner has the other % and Dr Cho get’s the other half and Thor get’s the other %. Steve again focus people focus! Wanda chimes in I have to agree with Darcy not only is he rugged and good looking with charm he does have a strut going on it is quite distracting. Clint Wanda you are not allowed to watch Barnes murder strut I am telling Laura! You are not allowed to look till your older, But Clint I am older? No just no! CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON THIS MISSION!?!?. Settle down Stevie we are getting the job done say’s Barnes. Oh for heavens sake say’s Pepper To shut you all and to concentrate on this mission in two day’s time after you all return from this mission on the Common Room floor will be a cat walk all of you bar Vision, are going to compete in the AVENGER’S MURDER STRUT COMPETITION! Rules are no cheating i.e. making deals with other competitors no RIGGING TONY! All have to wear their full uniform NO WEAPONS Tony, Clint, Bucky, Nat and Thor. Judges are as follows Jane, Darcy and Myself. No bribing the judges automatic disqualification from the competition, yes Tony/Clint I will know! Competitors will each get a score out of 0-10, there will be three rounds from the first round, Semis and the the Grand Finale. Each round score will be tallied to get the final score and winner. ANYONE CAUGHT BRIBING OR WORKING TOGETHER TO ELIMINATE  ANY COMPETITOR IS DSQ. Last note no one is allowed to walk in the competition NAKED yes Tony/Clint I will know! Aww Pep that’s not fair! Tony my word is final! So all of you get to work or so help me I will bar you from the labs for a week!!! @littleplebe @wahwahwaffles  Thank god I got that out!! Oh and this is what started it! lol