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onechicagolife · 8 days ago

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ABSENTIA | JAY HALSTEAD

Detective Jay Halstead is a senior member of the Intelligence Unit, where he is partnered with Detective Hailey Upton after his former partner went missing undercover. While he never wanted to give up hope, the CPD assumed her dead and he was resigned to accept it. Now, two years later, Jay gets a sudden phone call with news that changes his life forever. Avery Clarke is alive. want to be tagged? link in bio <3

Chapter 15

Jay rounds the corner to his apartment, exhaustion weighing down his movements as he drags a hand down his face. The last few nights have blurred together—hours spent in his truck with Avery, watching and waiting. They haven’t seen Nikolai again since that first night, which he’s not sure is a good or bad thing. Bad for their investigation, yes. But he couldn’t deny Avery’s reaction when she saw him for the first time. The way she completely froze, her shoulders tensing and her breaths quickening.

The cruelest part was that when Jay asked about it, she refused to tell him anything. And that every time he looks at her, he still feels everything. Being with her feels overwhelmingly familiar, too much like how it used to be. Because she sits back in the seat with her feet thrown up, she steals his coffee without thinking. She pushes his buttons, challenges him in the best and worst ways.

He knows he shouldn’t be spending so much time with her. He tells himself that he has to, even though he knows it’s not fair to Hailey. Knows it’s wrong that every night, as he sits in the freezing car with Avery, he doesn’t want to leave. That despite the anger, the confusion, the betrayal—he feels more like himself than he has in a long time.

Pulling his keys from his pocket, Jay lifts his head and his stomach drops. Hailey is leaning against the wall outside his door, arms crossed tightly over her chest. Her ponytail sways slightly as she straightens at the sight of him, and the look on her face—anger barely concealing hurt—makes his breath hitch. Dinner.

He exhales sharply, quickening his steps as guilt settles heavy in his chest, “Shit, Hailey, I’m sorry.”

Her expression doesn’t change. “I called you,” Hailey says flatly.

His fingers tighten around his keys, “My phone died.” Lie. He turned it off.

She scoffs, shaking her head as she pushes off the wall. He sees the way her eyes glisten under the dim hallway light, the way her jaw tenses as she turns to leave. Panic flares in his chest. “Wait.” He reaches out, catching her wrist gently, just enough to stop her, “Just… come inside. Please.”

Hailey hesitates. For a second, he thinks she’s going to walk away. Maybe she should. Maybe he should let her.

Reluctantly, her feet stay rooted in place as he unlocks the door and opens it. He stands in the doorway, waiting for her with hopeful eyes. After a few moments, and against her better judgement, she steps inside.

Jay closes the door behind them, lingering for a second before he turns to face her. He barely gets his jacket off before she whirls on him.

“Where have you been?”

His shoulders sag. He should have known she’d cut right to it. “I’m sorry I forgot about dinner,” he says weakly, knowing full well that it isn’t good enough.

“That’s not an answer,” her voice rises slightly, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. “You’ve been blowing me off all week. You disappear after work, you don’t answer my calls or texts. You come in every morning looking like you haven’t slept. What the hell is going on with you?”

Jay rubs a hand over his face, already exhausted by this conversation. “I’m—”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” she cuts him off harshly. “And don’t say you’ve been with Voight.” Hailey takes a deep breath, her anger cracking just slightly under something more vulnerable. Her voice is quieter as she forces out the next words, “Just tell me if you were with Avery.”

He hesitates. It’s only for a second, but it’s enough to make her eyes harden. “It’s not what you think,” Jay says quickly, trying to reassure her that he would never.

She crosses her arms tighter, her nails digging into her skin. She didn’t think he was cheating, not really. She knows him well enough to know that. “Then what is it?”

His jaw clenches. He doesn’t know what to say. He knows she deserves to hear the truth, but he can’t bring himself to say it. “Hailey,” he swallows, “I can’t.”

“That’s bullshit,” she snaps, her voice rising again. “You don’t get to pull the ‘I can’t talk about it’ card with me. I’m your partner, Jay. I’m your girlfriend. You’re shutting me out, and I deserve to know why.”

His mind races, eyes desperately searching her face for some—any—hint of understanding. “I can’t tell you,” Jay settles on with a helpless half-shrug. “You just have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” Hailey laughs—a bitter, broken sound—and narrows her eyes. “Do you even hear yourself?” When he doesn’t say anything, it only takes a few moments before realization washes over her. She lets out a disbelieving breath, “You’ve been helping her investigate Volkov.”

The way Jay tightens his jaw and clenches his hands into fists at his sides is confirmation enough.

“Jesus, Jay,” she shakes her head with a scoff. Hailey starts pacing, running both hands over her hair. “Do you even realize what you’re doing? You’re putting your career—your life—on the line.”

“I’m not putting my life on the line,” he says defensively.

“You’re lying to me,” she yells at him. “You’re lying to Voight. You’re impeding a federal investigation. All for her.”

Jay flinches at her words, guilt and anger swirling in his chest. “It’s not that simple. She’s my—” he cuts himself off, the words dying in his throat. He swallows hard as the air between them thickens. They both know what he was about to say. She’s my partner.

Hailey stares at him, something breaking in her expression. She squares her shoulders, trying to hold herself together even as her voice wavers. “You know, I’ve tried to be supportive. I’ve tried to be understanding. But I’m not going to sit here while you lie to my face. I’m not going to sit here and pretend.”

He blinks, knowing that this conversation is going somewhere he doesn’t want, but he can’t stop it. “Pretend?”

She exhales shakily, bringing up a hand to quickly swipe away the tears she is so stubbornly trying to keep at bay. “You were shot,” her voice trembles slightly, but she forces it to steady. “You were laying there, and I was holding your hand. You said her name.” She closes her eyes as the memories wash over her. “I tried to convince myself that I heard it wrong. But I didn’t. And I know that you know I heard it. And you still haven’t explained why.”

The air seems to leave the room, and for a moment, Jay can’t bring himself to look at her. His mind flashes back to that moment. His throat tightens as he finally meets her gaze. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about her,” he admits even as it kills him, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t stop thinking about her.”

The words hang heavy between them, and Hailey’s breath hitches. She blinks rapidly, trying to process what he just said. “So, what? You’re still in love with her?”

Jay inhales sharply at the question. He wants to tell her no. He wants to tell her he loves her, that she’s the one he wants. But he can’t. “I don’t know,” he says finally, his voice breaking. “But I know she needs me right now and I can’t…” I can’t leave her. I can’t say no to her. I can’t let her be alone again. “I have to help her.”

Hailey nods slowly, like she expected that answer but hoped she was wrong. “I love you, Jay,” she whispers, her face crumbling as fresh tears well in her eyes. “And I thought—” she stops herself, shaking her head as a tear slips down her cheek. She doesn’t bother wiping it away.

His chest tightens, heartbeat pounding loudly in his head, “Hailey, I care about y—”

“Don’t,” she cuts him off, stepping back. “You can’t have both.”

The words cut deep. Jay opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her. But he can’t lie anymore. To himself, maybe. But not to her.

Her lips tighten into a thin line as she tilts her head, nodding slowly. “I’m done.”

He doesn’t stop her as she turns and walks toward the door, her footsteps echoing in the quiet apartment. He can’t bring himself to, no matter how much he wishes he could. When the door clicks shut behind her, the sound feels final as it echoes throughout the apartment.

Jay sinks onto the couch, elbows braced on his knees as his head falling into his hands. He knows Hailey had every right to walk away. He can’t even blame her. And he’s left wondering how the hell he got here.

After hesitating for just a moment, Jay walked towards Voight’s office. He stopped in the open doorway, eyes bouncing between his sergeant and the other man in the room. His hands clenched so tightly where they hung at his sides that his knuckles ached. He had been called in without much explanation—just a simple order to come in from Voight. The urgency in his voice made his stomach churn with unease. And now, seeing Chief Lugo standing beside the desk Voight sat behind made his pulse quicken unnaturally.

“Jay,” Voight started gruffly. His expression was unreadable, but there was something in his eyes—something dark, something resigned. “Take a seat.”

“I’m good.” His bosses exchanged a wary glance. Jay narrowed his eyes, “What’s going on?”

Voight didn’t speak at first, just cast another look towards the chief before sighing heavily. He opened a manila folder in front of him and pushed it forward on the desk.

Jay took a step and a half forward. Inside was a single, grainy photograph that made his stomach twist violently. It was a surveillance shot—a woman being dragged into a warehouse by two armed men. The image was blurry, the lighting terrible, but the height, the build, the hair—it was all too familiar. “Where did this come from?” he demanded.

Lugo spoke this time, his voice even, measured. “The FBI received this from one of their sources inside the Volkov organization. The timestamp places it three months ago.”

His breath stilled. Three months ago. Avery had already been missing for six. That meant she wasn’t killed on the spot like everyone else feared—she was taken alive. She was out there. Jay forced himself to focus, pulling himself away from the memories of that day. That day when he was too late. “So, what the hell are we doing sitting here? We finally have a lead, we go after it—”

Lugo held up a hand, stopping him cold. “The intel didn’t stop there.”

His heart pounded as Lugo flipped to the next page in the folder.

Unidentified female remains recovered from a Volkov warehouse overseas. Burned beyond recognition. No DNA match found.

Jay shook his head, immediately rejecting it. “No. No, that’s not proof. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Jay—” Voight started, his voice low.

“No.” He pushed the folder roughly across the desk, breathing hard as his chest tightened. “We’ve been through this before, and every single time, it’s led nowhere. You don’t have a body, you don’t have DNA, you don’t have—”

“The FBI is taking over the investigation into Volkov from Major Crimes. The brass agrees that the evidence is conclusive,” Lugo interrupted, his voice final. “Detective Clarke was likely killed while undercover. The case is being closed.”

The word rang in his ear, and his entire world stopped spinning. Closed. No. No.

He turned to Voight, his eyes pleading. “We don’t… we can’t just stop,” his voice cracked, barely managing to get the words out.

Voight held his gaze for a long moment, and that was when Jay knew. The fight had already been lost. The lines on Voight’s face looked deeper, heavier, and for the first time since Avery disappeared, there was defeat in his eyes. Even after Justin, he still hung onto the hope that his other child was still alive. But that hope was gone.

“It’s over,” Voight said quietly.

No. His breath came in short, shallow bursts, his hands trembling at his sides. Jay shook his head, refusing to accept it. “No. No, you don’t get to decide that. You don’t get to just—just declare her dead without proof.” His voice broke, rage bleeding through the cracks.

“Detective—” Lugo started.

“No, fuck that!” Jay slammed his hands onto the desk, the sound echoing through the office. His entire body was shaking. “You don’t get to make this call! She’s out there, she’s waiting for us to find her, and we’re just—we’re just giving up?” His voice bordered on hysteria as he looked towards Voight in disbelief, “You’re just gonna let this happen? After everything—after Justin? You’re just going to let them give up on her?”

Voight’s breath hitched in his throat as he blinked, barely managing to hold himself together. He never allowed himself to break before, and he won’t do it now. He can’t. Chief Lugo’s jaw tightened as he cut in, “This isn’t giving up, Halstead. This is the reality.”

Jay let out a sharp, bitter laugh, taking a half-step back in a desperate need to distance himself before he lost control. Reality. The word felt like poison in his mouth. Nothing about this felt real. “You don’t know her,” he spat. “You don’t know Avery. She’s a fighter. She wouldn’t just let them—” he stopped himself, unable to say the words. Wouldn’t just let them kill her.

Chief Lugo sighed, straightening, “I understand the nature of your relationship to her. I know this is difficult to hear, but the department is making it official. Detective Clarke is being ruled as killed in the line of duty.”

His breath hitched and he swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. This was it. This was the end. The fight left him all at once. His shoulders sagged, his knees suddenly weak, and for a moment, he thought he might actually collapse. He turned to Voight, his last hope. His voice was wrecked, desperate, “Hank.”

Voight’s face was etched with something almost like guilt. When he finally spoke, it was low and final. “It’s time to let her go.”

Something inside Jay broke. A sound tore from his throat—a ragged, guttural noise of sheer devastation—and he turned sharply, storming out of the office. He didn’t see where he was going. Didn’t feel the burn in his throat, the pressure behind his eyes, the way his chest was imploding in on itself.

All he knew was that he had to get out. Had to breathe. Had to escape the words still ringing in his head, threatening to tear down his entire world.

How the hell is he supposed to let her go? The woman he loved. The only woman he ever loved. She was gone. She couldn’t be gone. Jay picked up speed before bursting through one of the stalls just in time to hunch over the toilet, knees hitting the tile with a painful, sickening crack. His body convulsed as he gripped the porcelain with white-knuckled hands, waves of nausea wracking through him. His stomach clenched painfully, but there was nothing left to bring up. His breath came in ragged gasps, each one sharper than the last. His head was spinning, his vision blurring, the fluorescent lights overhead too bright, too harsh.

He felt like he was suffocating. Drowning.

The stall walls felt like they were closing in, pressing down on him and squeezing the air from his lungs. His entire body trembled as he sat back on his heels, his arms bracing against the sides of the stall. The cold tile bit into his knees, grounding him in a reality he desperately wanted to reject.

Avery was dead.

Voight believed it.

Chief Lugo signed off on it.

Major Crimes, the FBI—they all believed it.

The weight of it crashed down on him again, harder, heavier. A low, guttural sound ripped from his chest, something between a sob and a scream, raw and uncontained.

Six months of searching. Of fighting. Of holding onto hope—thin, fragile, fleeting hope—only for it to be ripped away in an instant.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He couldn’t breathe. Every inhale was a battle, every exhale a painful reminder that he was still here—and she wasn’t.

He could still hear her voice, so clear that it was as if she was sitting right beside him.

Well, it really is your lucky day, Halstead. Avery Clarke. Your new partner.

His throat closed up, another sob tearing through him. A thousand moments, a thousand memories flooded his mind, each one sharper, more painful than the last. He saw her everywhere. Heard her everywhere.

But she was gone.

A sudden burst of anger surged through him, cutting through the grief like a blade. His hands shook as he pushed himself up from the floor, his vision darkening at the edges from the force of his rage.

His fist flew before he could stop it. The bathroom mirror shattered on impact. Glass shards scattered across the counter, some embedding in his knuckles, but he barely felt the sting. His reflection was fractured, fragmented—just like him. He stared at it, his chest heaving, his pulse hammering in his ears as the blood dripped down his fingers, warm and sticky.

This wasn’t real.

This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real.

The sky is still gray, the Chicago winter settling in thick and heavy as Jay pulls into the district parking lot. His truck rumbles to a stop, the engine ticking in protest as he cuts the ignition. He stays there for a moment, gripping the wheel with both hands, staring blankly at the brick wall in front of him.

He’s running on fumes. The sleepless nights, the weight of Hailey walking out, the relentless gnawing in his chest whenever he thinks about Avery—it’s all catching up to him. His body is sore, barely recovered, and his mind is wrecked. He doesn’t even want to think about what he is going to face when he walks in that building. And yet, somehow, the idea of stopping isn’t even an option.

Not when she still needs him.

With a heavy sigh, he grabs his gym bag from the passenger seat, shoving open the door and stepping into the biting cold. His breath clouds in front of him, but the crisp air does nothing to clear his head. He’s barely made it a few steps when he hears the familiar rumble of another engine pulling in. Jay glances up just as Voight’s black SUV rolls into a nearby spot. The older man climbs out, pulling his coat tighter against the wind, his sharp gaze landing on Jay instantly.

They both hesitate for a beat. A silent acknowledgment.

Jay sighs, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. He knows what’s coming.

“You look like hell,” Voight remarks, shutting his door with a solid thud.

He huffs out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, well… it’s been a rough few weeks.”

Voight studies him for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, instead of making his way to the door, he jerks his chin toward the entrance on the other side of the lot. “Walk with me.”

He exhales through his nose, knowing there’s no getting out of this. Jay falls into step beside the older man, their boots crunching lightly against the frost-dusted pavement. The silence stretches, bordering on uncomfortable as the cold air wraps around them.

Jay knows Voight isn’t the kind of guy to push, but when he speaks, his voice is steady, carrying that same unshakable authority he always has. “She told me.”

He doesn’t react right away, treading carefully. He keeps his gaze forward, hands still shoved into his pockets, “About what?”

“About you helping her,” Voight nods slightly. “About the deposit box.”

His jaw tightens. He shouldn’t be surprised but knowing what that secret cost him, that he lied to Hailey, makes his stomach twist in anger. “She wasn’t supposed to—”

“Relax,” Voight cuts him off, his voice calm but firm. “I’m not going to stop you.”

Jay frowns, glancing over at him. “You’re not?”

Voight gives a small shrug, “If I wanted to stop you, I would’ve done it already.”

He scoffs, shaking his head, “Then what? You’re just gonna let me keep breaking all the rules for her?” Maybe he wants Voight to stop them. To force him to walk away. Because he knows he’ll never do it on his own.

Voight stops walking, turning to face him fully and stopping him with a hand on his chest. “I’m here to make sure you don’t lose yourself in this.” His gaze is steady, unwavering. “You’ve been through a lot lately.”

Jay swallows hard, looking away. He exhales sharply, his breaths visible in the cold air. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore, Voight.”

Voight nods, like he’s been expecting that, “I know.”

He lets out a bitter chuckle, running a hand over his face. “I mean, jesus. I thought she was dead. And it took a while, but I made peace with that. And now she’s back, and it’s like—” he stops himself, shaking his head as frustration boils over. “Like I don’t even know her anymore.”

“She’s been through hell, Jay,” the older man says after a beat of silence, “You know that.”

“What about what I’ve been through? What she put me through?” Jay lets out a sharp exhale, staring at the pavement, trying to keep his emotions under control because it is too damn early for this. “I’m trying to be there for her,” he mutters. “But it’s not that simple.”

“No, it’s not,” he agrees. “But nothing worth a damn ever is.”

Jay stares at him, his eyes dark with something unreadable. “She lied to me.”

“I know.”

“She let me believe she was gone. She didn’t give me a choice. Didn’t give us a choice.”

“I know,” Voight repeats, his voice steady.

Jay shakes his head, “And now she’s asking me to risk everything to help her with this.”

But Voight doesn’t flinch, “She’s not asking you to do anything she wouldn’t do for you.”

“That’s not the point,” he snaps, his frustration finally breaking through. Even though he knows it’s true, knows they’ve already been here before. Derek Keyes, Lonnie Rodiger, Terry, Ellie… She backed his play without question, without a second thought, whenever he needed it. She jumped in feet first, and he didn’t even have to ask. He takes a step back, raking a hand through his hair. “I can’t forgive her for what she did, Voight.”

Voight studies him carefully, his next words measured. “You’re angry. And you should be. But that anger isn’t just about what she did.” He pauses, letting it sink in, “It’s about how much you still care about her in spite of it.”

The heavy truth in the statement is too much and Jay has to look away, clenching his jaw.

“I know what you went through when we lost her,” Voight takes a step towards him. “I saw what it did to you. And I know you’re still carrying that with you. If anyone understands, you know I do.” A haunted look flickers in his eyes, memories of Justin and Alvin threatening to swallow him whole.

Jay swallows hard—two years of emptiness, of staring at an empty grave that shouldn’t exist, of drinking himself into numbness just to get through the night. “She’s not the same,” he murmurs. His voice is quieter now, tinged with something almost vulnerable. “She’s… harder. Colder. She refuses to let me in. And I don’t know how to reach her.”

Voight exhales, nodding slowly. “I know she’s different. And so are you.” He holds his gaze, “But if anyone can get through to her, it’s you.”

Jay lets out a sharp breath, shaking his head, “Why?” Why does it have to be me?

Voight’s voice is unwavering, “Because she trusts you. Because you know her better than anyone.”

Jay stiffens. His throat tightens, his stomach twisting in protest. He wants to argue, wants to deny it. The words are on the tip of his tongue. Not anymore… But they don’t come out. Because maybe, just maybe, Voight isn’t wrong.

He looks down, his hands curling into fists in his pockets, “I don’t know if I can do this, Hank.”

“You can.” His voice is gentler, in that gruff, Voight way as he claps a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring, “And you will. Because she needs you. And whether you want to admit it or not… you need her too.”

He stands there, frozen, as the words sink in. Jay doesn’t know where he and Avery stand. Doesn’t know if there’s a way forward. But as he watches Voight walk inside the garage, his words echo in his head.

Because she needs you. And you need her too.

Jay exhales, his breath shaky. Then, finally, he heads inside.

The locker room is quiet, a stark contrast to the usual chaos of the district. Jay leans against the metal bench, head tilted back against the cool lockers as he lets out a slow, controlled breath. He should be at his desk. He should be doing something productive, catching up on paperwork. Instead, he’s here, hiding.

Avoiding.

It’s been like this for days. Ever since Hailey left his apartment, ever since their relationship officially crashed and burned. Every second between them is tense and awkward, leaving him wishing he was anywhere else. And when they aren’t forced to be interacting for work, he can feel her gaze watching him. Studying his every move, every interaction. And Avery? That’s been worse.

She hasn’t done anything wrong. No probing questions, no comments, no knowing looks. Nothing. She’s just there, in his space, existing like things are supposed to be normal when nothing is. And even though it shouldn’t, even though he should be more affected by the dooming of his relationship, that kills him more than anything.

Because of that, he’s been keeping his distance at work, making sure their conversations stay short. Professional. But it doesn’t matter. He can feel his partner’s eyes on him whenever Avery’s near, can see the tension ripple through her every time he and Avery so much as breathe in the same direction.

And now? The guilt is suffocating.

So he’s here, in the goddamn locker room, hiding like a coward.

The door creaks open, and he immediately straightens. He’s not sure who he expects, fearing it’ll be Hailey with another conversation he’s not ready for, fearing she’ll tell him that their partnership is over too. But instead, Adam strolls in, his expression casual but his movements deliberate.

“Got a minute?” Adam asks lightly, but there’s an edge behind it.

Jay narrows his eyes, already bracing himself for whatever’s coming. “Yeah.”

Adam doesn’t sit. He stands across from him, arms crossed, lips pressing into a thin line before cutting straight to it. “What’s going on with you and Avery?”

Shaking his head with an eye roll and a scoff, he stands and moves to root around inside his locker. “What are you talking about, man?”

“You drove her to work this morning,” the younger man says with an unimpressed eyebrow raised.

“She had a migraine last night and didn’t want to drive, so I gave her a ride home,” he lies without skipping a beat. The reality is that they left straight from work to spend the night in his truck, watching the warehouse for any sign of Nikolai Volkov, both of them pretending the distance between them wasn’t getting growing with every second of silence.

Adam eyes him, his protective side outweighing anything else. He can’t stand to see his best friend get hurt when she is just barely finding her footing. But he can see how much it’s killing her. He lets out a long sigh, “Look, I get it. I know it must’ve hurt when she wanted me to be her partner and asked for some space. I know you want to be friends. But if this is going to mess with her head—”

“Mess with her head?” Jay cuts him off, his voice rising slightly as he turns to face him. “I don’t need a lecture from you of all people.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, annoyed at whatever implication lingers in the air.

Jay tilts his head, gritting his teeth painfully. He wonders just how much he can push this, how far he can stretch the lie in order to get the truth. “She told me what happened between you two,” he says carefully, baiting.

Stiffening, his eyes flicker with surprise for a brief moment before he schools his expression. She said she wasn’t going to, but maybe she changed her mind once he decided to tell Kim, wanting a clean slate as they try to make their relationship work. Adam narrows his eyes, “She told you?”

“Yeah.” His jaw clenches, knowing by the reaction that he was right to suspect something happened between them. “So don’t sit here and act like you’re just her protective big brother.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Adam shakes his head defensively, his frustration mounting.

Jay crosses his arms tightly over his chest, “Then what was it like?”

“It was,” he hesitates, “complicated.”

He throws his head back, barking out a humorless laugh. “Complicated? Kim’s having your kid, and the best you can do is complicated?”

Temper flaring, Adam grits out, “It was one time. It was right after she came back, we were drinking—”

“That makes it better?” he shoots back with a step forward.

“Look,” his patience snaps, voice rising, “she needed someone. Someone who actually gave a damn about her when she was falling apart. Where the hell were you?”

The words nearly knock him off his feet, and Jay stops breathing for a moment. His hands curl into fists, because he can’t think about that. He can barely stomach the guilt he is already feeling. So instead, he focuses on the pure anger that threatens to overtake him at the image that flashes behind his eyes. “So, you—what? Decided to help her with your dick?”

Adam’s face darkens, his fists twitching at his sides. “Oh, fuck off, Halstead. You weren’t there. You didn’t see how broken she was seeing that you moved on.” His voice lowers, but the intensity remains. “So yeah, I was there for her. Not for some hookup. Not for whatever bullshit you think this is. But because I actually care about her. And maybe if you weren’t lying to yourself, wrapped up in your own guilt, you’d see that too.”

The jealousy, the frustration, the anger—it all collides, white-hot and uncontrollable as the words are like a match to gasoline. Jay doesn’t think. His fist collides with Adam’s jaw before he even realizes it. The impact reverberates through his arm, fingers flexing at the dull ache already forming.

Adam stumbles back, his hand flying to his face. His eyes blaze with fury as he whirls back around. “Bro, what the fuck is wrong with you?” he shouts, shoving the other man’s chest roughly.

“Hey!” Avery’s voice slices through the air, her footsteps echoing as she storms into the room. “What the hell is going on in here?”

Both men freeze, their heavy breathing filling the silence as Avery moves between them without hesitation, her eyes darting between their tense, furious faces. Her gaze locks on Jay, narrowing as she takes in the flush on his face and the way his fist is still clenched. “Did you punch him?” she demands sharply.

Jay doesn’t answer, his jaw tightening as he finally breaks away from Adam’s glare. But he can’t look at her, can’t see what he knows is in her waiting eyes.

Already knowing the answer, Avery scoffs before rounding on her partner. “And you—what did you say to him?”

Adam rubs his jaw, moving it back and forth gently. “Nothing he didn’t deserve.”

She groans in frustration, running a hand through her hair, fingers getting caught in the tangles. “Unbelievable. You two are supposed to be professionals, friends, and you’re in here fighting like children. Over what? Me?”

When Adam opens his mouth, she places a strong hand against his chest with a light shove that forces him a half-step back, and Jay tries to hide the fact that he notices. “I don’t need you to defend my honor,” she chastises, only turning away when he lowers his head sheepishly. Avery narrows her eyes at Jay, “What is your problem?”

Jay’s eyes finally snap to hers, his frustration and jealousy lingering below the surface. He grits his teeth, his pulse still pounding with the low hum of adrenaline. He knows this isn’t about Adam. Not really. It’s about… everything. The distance, reminding him that he doesn’t know her anymore. The nights spent in his truck, twisting him into thinking that no time has passed. The way she keeps looking at him like they didn’t leave each other in pieces. Like she didn’t leave him in pieces, shattered like that blood-smeared glass.

Clearing his throat, Adam’s voice is quieter now, more resigned. “I’m gonna go.” He throws Avery one last glance before turning and walking out, his footsteps heavy as the door clicks shut behind him.

Avery doesn’t take her eyes off Jay, her frustration crackling in the stale air. “I told you to stop making this about Adam,” she seethes. “You don’t get to pick fights with him just because you’re pissed at me.”

“You really think this is about Adam?” he asks, voice low and rough as he takes a step toward her. She folds her arms, but there’s something else in her eyes now. Wariness. Hurt. A challenge lingers, though, and Jay huffs out a bitter laugh when she just arches a brow, shaking his head before dragging a hand over his face. “You really don’t get it, do you?

“Then enlighten me,” she bites out quickly. She thought they were over this. That they were moving forward—or at least settling into something more tenable, an understanding that they could co-exist in.

He takes another step closer, the heat between them palpable, the space between them charged with everything they still haven’t said. “You come back from the dead, and you act like I’m the one who changed,” he grits out. “Like I’m the problem. You push me away, tell me we need distance, and then what? Drag me back in like this is some kind of game?”

She flinches, just barely, but it’s enough for him to see it. “You think I planned that?” Avery snaps, stepping toe to toe, pretending like she isn’t afraid. Not of him, no. But of them—the two of them, together. “You think I wanted to wake up in a hospital bed with two years of my life missing?”

His jaw clenches impossibly tight, the pain somehow grounding him. “Then why the hell have you spent every second since you came back acting like I’m the one who left you?” Her breath hitches audibly, but Jay doesn’t stop. He can’t. He’s done holding this in. “You chose Adam as your partner. You kept your distance. It took days for you to come see me when I almost died, and then you just walked out,” he spits out, his voice breaking. “And now you want to act like I’m the bad guy? When I’m still putting everything on the line to help you?”

Deafening silence stretches between them, heavy and suffocating. Her lips press into a tight line, her hands clenching at her sides. “You think this has been easy for me?” she finally whispers, her voice shaking. “I know what I did, the choices I made. But I didn’t choose to have my entire life ripped away from me.”

His chest tightens as tears well in her eyes, “Avery…”

“No, you don’t get to be the victim here,” she says, voice raw, stepping even closer until there’s barely a breath between them. “You didn’t have to wake up in a nightmare. You didn’t have to piece together a past you don’t even remember. You didn’t have to see the man you—” she stops herself, sucking in a shaky breath before continuing. “The man you thought was still yours, standing in the hallway, holding someone else’s hand.”

His throat goes dry at the realization. She saw him. She woke up confused and hurt. And instead of opening her eyes to him at her side, she saw him with Hailey.

“I woke up like it was one day,” Avery’s voice breaks.

His hands tremble at his sides as he swallows roughly, “Ave.”

Her face twists, her walls slamming back into place. “You want to be mad at me? Fine. But don’t you dare pretend like you’re the only one who got hurt.”

Jay looks away, his jaw tight as he forces himself to breathe. She’s right. Of course she’s right. But that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

“You should go,” she mutters, stepping back in desperate need of space. “Before we say something we can’t take back.”

But Jay doesn’t move.

He should. He knows he should.

Instead, he does something stupid.

He reaches out.

His fingers brush against her wrist, and she sucks in a sharp breath, her entire body going still. Her pulse beats wildly under his fingertips, and for a second—just a second—she lets him hold on.

Then she yanks her arm away like he’s burned her.

“This isn’t fair,” Avery whispers, voice barely audible.

Jay swallows hard, “No. It’s not.”

She takes another step back, putting real distance between them now. “We can’t keep doing this.” I can’t keep doing this.

He exhales slowly as something twists in his stomach. A heavy, overwhelming sense of dread. Finally, he nods, “I know.”

Neither of them moves. Neither of them leaves.

The locker room door creaks open again, and they both snap their heads toward it.

Kevin’s slightly wide-eyed gaze flicks between them, eyebrows raising high into his forehead. “Uh… is this a bad time?”

Blinking rapidly, Avery shakes her head before turning on her heel and forcing a smile. “No. I was just leaving.”

Jay watches her go, his stomach dropping as she pushes past Kev without another word.

The bass from the speakers pulses through Avery’s chest, the thrum of the music matching the erratic rhythm of her heartbeat. The bar is crowded, bodies pressing together on the dance floor, voices raised in laughter and conversation that blurs into a dull roar. She sits at the bar, her half-empty glass of whiskey in front of her, the amber liquid catching the flashing neon lights that paint the room in shades of red and blue.

Her head was heavy, spinning slightly as she takes another sip, the alcohol burning its way down her throat. It doesn’t taste good—not really—but it helps. Helps blur the sharp edges of her thoughts, dulls the ache that’s been clawing at her chest all week.

She hasn’t talked to Jay since their fight in the locker room. Since he grabbed her wrist. Since she yanked away. He hasn’t come to the stakeouts the last two nights, leaving her to sit in her car alone, the silence screaming at her. He hasn’t offered, and she hasn’t asked.

She should be glad. Should be relieved.

Instead, she feels like the tight coil that was barely holding her together is unraveling.

More memories have been coming back every single time she closed her eyes, jagged and painful, clawing their way to the surface no matter how much she tried to bury them. Her mind flickers to Nikolai, to the sound of her own screams echoing in that cold, damp room. To his voice, low and cruel, asking her over and over, Who are you?

Avery squeezes her eyes shut, pressing her fingers to her temples as if she could will the images away. But they are relentless, invading her thoughts like a storm she couldn’t escape. Everything feels tangled and messy, her emotions an unbearable weight she can only lessen with alcohol.

She hates herself for how much she thinks about Jay. Every moment they spend together feels like a lifeline, but it also reopens old wounds. She thought she was doing the right thing by pushing him away, by letting him move on with Hailey. But now, she isn’t sure. She misses him. But it’s clear how hurt and angry he is. She doesn’t know how much longer they can do this back and forth before one of them breaks, shatters into so many pieces that it’ll be impossible to glue back together. What they have now isn’t sustainable, not in this job. Not with both of them in this unit.

“Avery.” The voice comes from beside her, smooth, familiar. She blinks, looking up to find one of the club’s regulars Mark—or maybe Matt?��leaning against the bar next to her. His lips curl into a knowing smirk. “Didn’t expect to see you here again,” he says, tilting his head as his eyes rake over her. “You good?”

She forces a smirk, even though her stomach is twisting. “Do I not look good?”

He chuckles, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small baggie. A few little white pills clink together inside. He holds it between two fingers, offering them to her like a gift. “Here. This’ll help.”

Her breath catches in her throat, her pulse quickening as her eyes narrow in on the bag. Her body reacts before her mind can catch up, her hand curling tightly around her glass as she fights the urge to reach for it.

It would be so easy. One pill. One small pill to take the edge off. Just enough to forget. To stop the memories, the guilt, the pain.

The man leans closer, taking out two of the pills and slipping them into her hand, “On the house. You look like you could use it.”

Avery stares at them, rolling them in her palm experimentally. The urge is a living thing, crawling up her throat, sinking its claws into her skin.

Just one.

She needs to get out of here. Slamming her palm on the table, she quickly jumps to her feet. His words of protest come, but she doesn’t hear it. She’s already backing away, shoving through the crowd of drunk people, her breaths coming painfully fast.

Her feet carry her out of the club and into the cold Chicago night, the icy air slapping her in the face. Her hands shake as she digs her phone out of her pocket. She barely registers what she’s doing, who she’s calling. Her fingers move on autopilot.

The call rings twice before Adam picks up, his voice groggy, “Hello?”

“Can I come over?” she asks, her voice hoarse, barely above the pounding of the music that can still be heard from the sidewalk.

There’s a pause on the other end, then a quiet sigh. “Yeah. Of course.”

She nods even though he can’t see it, mumbling a quick, “Be there soon,” before hanging up. She stares at the screen for a moment, her breath hitching, before she slips the phone back in her pocket. Avery’s feet start moving before her mind can catch up, the wind biting into her skin and sobering her up just slightly. With every step, she has to fight the desire to turn around. To go back inside that club, back to that guy and back to those magic little pills that can take away all the hurt and the anger and the guilt.

The streets are quiet, the snow falling softly around her as she makes her way through the city, still on edge. Her breath comes in short, visible puffs, her boots crunching against the frozen pavement. She doesn’t know what she was going to say when she gets there. She’s still pissed at him for starting a fight with Jay. How am I the bad guy when I’m the one who got sucker punched? His disbelieving voice rings in her head making a small smile tug at her lips, just enough to distract her for a moment.

When Avery reaches the apartment building, she stares up at the brick and blinks slowly, trying to make sense of her fragmented thoughts. She bites her lip, realizing that she probably shouldn’t be here. Before she can decide to cut and run, though, an older man with a dog opens the door and she slips inside with a casual smile. Her mind races as she climbs the stairs, the beat of the club’s music still thrumming under her skin. By the time she reaches the door, her breathing is shallow, her emotions a tangled mess. She raises her hand, hesitating for a split second before knocking.

prev . . . next

#jay halstead #jay halstead x oc #jay halstead fanfiction #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #story: absentia #gifs are not mine: ask if you would like yours removed

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storiesfabled · 7 months ago

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updated muse list

under the cut you will find the most up-to-date muse list.

911

evan buckley

maddie buckley

charlotte buckley-diaz // rowan blanchard // buck & eddie daughter

eddie diaz

athena grant

may grant

howard han

tommy kinard

bobby nash

harper nash // er registrar // ashley benson // bobby & marcy daughter

jonah nash // firefighter // tyler blackburn // ray & margaret son

raymund nash // principal // d.w. moffett // bobby’s brother

matthew ransone // police officer // casey deidrick // lou’s son

josh russo

ashlynn wilson // college student // victoria justice // henrietta & karen daughter

henrietta wilson

karen wilson

911: lone star

nancy gillian

trevor parks

arianna reyes // maiara walsh // tk & carlos daughter

carlos reyes

gabriel reyes

gabriella ryder // troian bellisario // judd & grace daughter

grace ryder

jackson ryder // football coach & pe teacher // eric stonestreet // judd’s brother

judd ryder

weston ryder // oil tycoon // jeffrey dean morgan // judd’s brother

aubrey strand // madison davenport // owen & npc daughter

owen strand

tk strand

victoria strand // liana liberato // owen & npc daughter

paul strickland

billy tyson

chicago fire

tricia boden // aisha dee // wallace & donna daughter

wallace boden

sylvie brett

matt casey

gabriella dawson

christopher hermann

stella kidd

patrick mcholland // hunter parrish // mouch & trudy son

rachel mcholland // anna kendrick // mouch & trudy daughter

randall ‘mouch’ mcholland

peter mills

kelly severide

leslie shay

brian ‘otis’ zvonecek

chicago med

anna charles

daniel charles

Mackenzie Crawford // er nurse // Elizabeth Olsen

will halstead

maggie lockwood

connor rhodes

chicago pd

kevin atwater

antonio dawson

eva dawson

hannah halstead // willa holland // jay & erin daughter

jay halstead

erin lindsay

trudy platt

adam ruzek

savannah ruzek // dianna agron // adam & kim daughter

Hank voight

Madeline voight // police officer // charisma carpenter // hank & trudy daughter

Criminal minds

Penelope garcia

Aaron hotchner

Alexandra hotchner // ssa bau // alona tal // aaron & haley daughter

Jennifer jareau

Emily prentiss

Derek morgan

Brynnlee reid-morgan // aisha dee // derek & spencer daughter

David rossi

Rylee rossi // hayden panettiere // david & erin daughter

dallas

Ann ewing

Bobby ewing

Christopher ewing

John ross ewing

Olivia ewing // britt robertson // bobby & ann daughter

Bryan jones // history professor // colin donnell

fire country

Bode Donovan

eve edwards

jennifer jameson // bakery owner // aja naomi king

luke leone

Sharon Leone

Vince Leone

freddy mills

Gabriella Perez

Manny Perez

Grey’s anatomy

Teddy altman

Jackson avery

Miranda bailey

Tuck bailey-jones

Stephanie edwards

Lexie grey

Meredith grey

Zola grey-shepherd

Alex karev

Chloe montgomery-shepherd // er nurse // madelaine petsch

Arizona robbins

Mark sloan

Sofia sloan-torres

Callie torres

Private practice

Cooper freedman

Addison montgomery

Jasmine montgomery-reilly // dove cameron // addison & jake daughter

Jake reilly

Station 19

Travis montgomery

Theo ruiz

Ben warren

Zoey warren // college student // amber riley // ben & miranda daughter

supernatural

Annabelle buckley-moore // hunter // josephine langsford // evan buckley & jess daughter

Castiel

Crowley

arianna simmons // hunter // chloe bennett

Bobby singer

Rufus turner

Dean winchester

Johanna winchester // danielle campbell // dean & castiel daughter

John winchester

Sam winchester

#muse list

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ao3feed-ncislosangeles · 11 months ago

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Navy's Nightmare

by CrazyMoonLove (TheJupiterGirl) When the '' Female Navy Killer '' comes back, all the women members and ex-members of the navy forces are called back to the bases for their security. But will, the identity of this psychopath who raped, tortured and killed so many women, be revealed ?..... ...Read it to know. Inspired by : '' From Port to Port '' by SamHeartfillia(SamFullbuster) Words: 5, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Top Gun (Movies), NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Criminal Minds (US TV), Law & Order: SVU, 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020), Hawaii Five-0 (2010), S.W.A.T. (TV 2017), Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Grey's Anatomy, Chicago PD (TV), Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Castle (TV 2009), The Mentalist, Fast & Furious (Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Categories: F/M, Other Characters: Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med), Evan "Buck" Buckley, TK Strand, Kelly Severide, Jay Halstead, Anthony DiNozzo, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, Danny "Danno" Williams, Spencer Reid, Jackson Avery, Brian O'Conner, Jake Peralta, Jim Street, Richard Castle, Patrick Jane, Will Halstead, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Matthew Casey, Adam Ruzek, Jethro Gibbs, Rafael Barba, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Steve McGarrett, Aaron Hotchner, Mark Sloan (Grey's Anatomy) Relationships: Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide, Jay Halstead/Adam Ruzek, Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw/Jake "Hangman" Seresin, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Jackson Avery/Mark Sloan, Brian O'Conner/Dominic Toretto, G Callen/Original Male Character(s), Jake Peralta/Original Male Character(s), Jim Street/Original Male Character(s), Richard Castle/Original Character(s), Patrick Jane/Original Character(s) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Serial Killers, Killing, Rape/Non-con Elements, Blood and Violence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, My First Smut, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture via https://ift.tt/4qEmtkG

#ncis la

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japrilsanatomy · 2 years ago

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Current Top 10 Ships:

Honorable Mention: Linstead (Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead)- Chicago P.D.

10. Lucaya (Lucas Friar and Maya Hart)- Girl Meets World

9. Calzona (Callie Torres and Arizona Robbins)- Grey’s Anatomy

8. MerDer (Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd)- Grey’s Anatomy

7. Dawsey (Gabby Dawson and Matt Casey)- Chicago Fire

6. Slexie (Mark Sloan and Lexie Grey)- Grey’s Anatomy

5. Skyeward (Daisy “Skye” Johnson and Grant Ward)- Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

4. Jolex (Jo Wilson and Alex Karev)- Grey’s Anatomy

3. Delena (Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert)- The Vampire Diaries

2. Romanogers (Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers)- MCU

Japril (Jackson Avery and April Kepner)- Grey’s Anatomy

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llamaqueenprompt · 1 year ago

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Masterlist

REQUESTS: OPEN

LAST UPDATED: 09/08scandal/2024

Alex Karev

works: 1

Not Happily Ever After - “What happened to their happily ever after?” “Not all stories get a happily ever after”

Annalise Keating

works: 1

Get Out - "Come out so I can kill you"

Callie Torres

works: 1

The Last Letter - "you don't deserve to be forgotten"

Damon Salvatore

works: 1

Revealing Roadtrip - "admitting that I'm right is always a good option."

Dylan O'Brien

works: 1

Love in the Spotlight - "This sounds a lot like a marriage proposal." "Maybe it is."

Fitz Grant

works: 1

Pillow Wall - "There is only one bed."

Harry Bingham

works: 1

Hope is For You - "Hopefulness is like a drug. It’s hard to escape the addiction of hoping."

Isaac Lahey

works: 1

Beneath City Lights - "We’re lying on a desert parking level, watching the stars, but we’re in a big city with too much light, so we end up just watching each other."

Jace Herondale

works: 1

Family Reunion - "You're actually kind of amazing"

Jackson Avery

works: 1

Bitch of the Year - "-you're really campaining for bitch of the year, aren't you?"

Jake Ballard

works: 1

Future Plans - "This is not the time or place for this."

Jay Halstead

works: 1

Sweet Creature - "I'm so pround to be your father,"

Justin Foley

works: 1

Just One Second - "Fine, make me the villain,"

Luke Patterson

works: 1

Single In, Single Out - Wedding - Write about a family wedding where you are the only single - besides a ten-year-old.

Magnus Bane

works: 1

Out of Love - Inspired by Out of Love by Alessia Cara

Mark Sloan

works: 3

The Last Letter - "you don't deserve to be forgotten"

Bitch of the Year - "-you're really campaining for bitch of the year, aren't you?"

His Secret Child

Mason Mount

works: 1

Uneducated Buy - "You're not stupid. Just uneducated."

Nick Amaro

works: 1

Crazy Person - “Since when did you become an expert?” “Since I watched a documentary about it. Last night.”

Others

Becca Gelb - Support System - "you should have called me"

Amelia Shepherd and April Kepner - The Wedding Fiasco - "Do you realize what you've done?"

Leo Roth - One Night Stand

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mischiefxmanagcd · 2 years ago

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under the cut is a list of muses i’ve been wanting (more) ships with. so if you see any there that you wanna discuss potential shipping with, let me know! (psa - unless stated differently next to their name, muses are bisexual). also i am definitely open to shipping with any of my muses, the ones listed are just the ones i have most muse for at the moment.

evan buckley

eddie diaz

may grant

harper nash

lou ransone

matthew ransone

josh russo (gay)

kiersten russo

marjan marwani

gavin ryder

jackson ryder (gay)

weston ryder

paul strickland

billy tyson

antonio dawson

jay halstead

madeline voight

penelope garcia

aaron hotchner

alexandra hotchner

derek morgan

rylee rossi

olivia ewing

jackson avery

arizona robbins

mark sloan

callie torres

travis montgomery (gay)

theo ruiz

michael anderson

arabella simmons

parker simmons

quinton simmons

#shipping call

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garlicbreadkings · 2 years ago

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Dangerous Games Chapter Five: New Plans

Jack stood in a rather large room. His gaze was on the screens in front of him. He heard somebody enter the room. He turned to see Raven standing in the doorway. He had a rather grave look on his face. “Pardon my intrusion but one of our own was seen trying to escape with a test subject.”

Jack frowned. “So I’ve heard. I should of known that Halstead was going to cause trouble eventually. Ah well. I’ve got something lined up for him.”

Raven lofted an eyebrow. “What sort of something?”

“Why don’t you follow me and see?” suggested Jack as they both left the control room.

Jack had Will transferred into a lab. Will laid on a hospital bed hooked up to machines. One of the machines looked to be an I.V. machine delivering fluids into Will’s body. Raven looked up at Jack. “What are you planning on doing with him?”

“You remember the Rockwall experiment that happened a couple of years ago? I plan recreating it. Hopefully, Will brings us the results we are looking for.”

Raven frowned. “Most subjects don’t survive the first day. You sure you want to lose someone as valuable as him?”

“He’s a loose end. He’s proven to me that he can’t be trusted.” Jack placed a hand on Raven’s shoulder. “You let me worry about my mistakes. Have Avery come by with the first round. Take him down to the amphitheater.”

Raven nodded. “Of course.” He watched as Jack left. He returned his gaze back to Will.

Will was taken down to a rather large amphitheater. Jack stood there with a red haired man. The man had metal plates that moved when he took a breath in his neck. He had a bottle of orange liquid in his hand. “I am ready to conduct the experiment if you are.”

Jack nodded. “Let’s do it.”

The man ran the liquid through Will’s I.V. He saw Will make a fist. His veins began glowing orange.

Will woke up to a sharp pain going through his body. He twitched around in the hospital bed. He saw Jack and a man he didn’t recognize staring down at him. He lifted up his hands. He saw painful lesions forming in his skin. He called out in pain. “Y-You bastard!” he spat at Jack.

“Will, if only you had played by the rules. You wouldn’t of become the ire of my next project. You made a mistake and must be punished for it.” Jack turned to Avery. “Go ahead with the next part.”

Avery picked up a vile filled with blue liquid. He held it up. He fed some of it into a syringe. He tapped the syringe gently before feeding it’s contents into the line. Will suddenly felt tired. He struggled one last time before succumbing to blackness.

Avery looked up at Jack. “You shouldn’t bother yourself a moment longer. I’ll let you know how it goes with our patient.”

Jack nodded. He left the room. He headed back to the control room. He decided to pull up the call logs from Will’s phone. He played back the recent call that Will had made. When he heard that Natalie was coming back to Chicago, an idea hit him. If Will wants to play dumb games, then he can win a stupid prize. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d make his loved ones pay for his mistakes. A wicked grin formed on his face. I’m going to lure the girl here and make her into a stake for Will. He’ll have to obey me then.

Jack pulled up an AI program on the computer. He had the AI mimic Will’s voice. He put a distressed voicemail on Natalie’s phone for her to discover. He knew she had to be in the air by now. He gave Natalie a meet up point and told her to come alone. Something about it being too dangerous for her to bring anybody.

All Jack had to do was wait now. He heard one of the TVs in his office click on. He knew exactly who was trying to reach him. “Sorry. I’m dealing with a loose end.”

I told you that it was too dangerous to keep the Halstead boy alive. Came a male voice. You’ve really caused a rather large mess for me to have to clean up.

“I never asked you to clean up anything. I will handle this. I can promise you that. I figured out a way to keep Halstead in line as well as be able to use him to our advantage.”

You better hope he stays obedient this time. If he so much as shows signs that he won’t be, I want him eliminated. Hissed the voice.

“It shall be done.” muttered Jack. The static then faded from the screen. Jack stood there in silence. He decided to page Haron and have him go pick up Natalie.

It was a three hour flight from Washington to Illinois. Natalie arrived in Chicago. She took her plane off airplane mode. Once she did, she discovered that she had a missed call and a voicemail from the number that Will had been contacting her from. She decided to listen to the voicemail.

She heard distressed breathing. Almost as if Will had been running. “Help! Nat! I’ve escaped from Jack! Meet me a couple of blocks down from Chicago Med. I’ll be waiting for you. Hurry! I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to escape from Jack!

Natalie immediately slung her bag over her shoulder. She wasted no time in fleeing from the airport. She had to find Will. She waved down a taxi. The taxi driver pulled up to her. Natalie quickly got in. She explained to the driver where she was going. She asked him to hurry.

The driver drove through the streets of Chicago. Natalie looked out the window in hopes of being able to spot Will. Her heart pounded in her chest. She felt her phone buzz once more. She looked down to see a text from Austin. She decided to ignore it. The driver parked several blocks away from Chicago Med. She thanked the driver before getting out.

She walked into the alleyway. She called out to Will. She spotted a shadow moving in the dark. “Will?”

The shadow got closer to her. Natalie felt fear course through her. This shadow wasn’t Will. She began backing up. She got ready to run as the shadow grew closer and closer to her. She bumped into something soft. She turned her head. A fist made contact with her face. The blow was enough to send her into the wall. Before she even had a chance to recover, another blow struck her in the stomach. She clutched her stomach as she sank to her knees. Her vision blurring in and out of focus.

The figure picked her up. It slung her over it’s shoulder before vanishing down the alleyway with her. Natalie groaned weakly. She whispered for Will. Her vision then went dark.

…..

Natalie had been out cold for a long time. Her eyes slowly opened. She felt a throbbing pain in her stomach. She clutched it firmly as she sat upright. The room spun for just a second. She panted softly. “H-Hello? Will?” she called.

She heard a set of footsteps outside of her door. The door opened. A man in a suit entered her room. Natalie had never seen this man before. She gently squirmed away from him. The man gently knelt down in front of her. “Relax. I have no plans on hurting you. At least not yet. You see, I need your help with something.” He showed her a picture. “Is this man familiar to you?”

Natalie looked at the picture. She paled. She recognized Will right off the bat. “W-Will. What happened to him? Is he okay?”

“I’m afraid he’s kind of in a sad shape. Hopefully, you can fix him.” The man held his hand out toward her.

Natalie stared at his hand for a while before taking it. He helped her to her feet. He took her down a hallway. Natalie limped behind him. The hallway had windows. The windows displayed some glowing plants outside. Natalie could tell that they were miles below ground. “Where exactly are we and where are you taking me?”

“I’m taking you to Will. As to where you are, that’s not important.” replied the man.

They approached an elevator. The elevator doors opened. Natalie limped into. The man stood by her. He pressed the button. Natalie’s hand still rested on her stomach. She looked up at the man. She studied his features. He looked to be an older male. Natalie could tell that he came from money. However, she was unsure if he was the same man that was holding Will hostage or not.

The elevator doors opened again after a little while. Natalie was escorted off the elevator. She followed him down the hallway. He took her to a room. Inside of the room was a hospital bed and machines. She gasped seeing Will on top of it. She ran over to him. “Oh my god! Will!”

Will looked pale. Natalie could see tiny spots on his arms and legs. She looked over at the man. “Wha..what happened?”

“He was undergoing a trial I was overseeing. He hasn’t woken up since he was given the medicine.” explained the man.

Natalie touched Will’s cheek. She could tell that Will was in a deep sleep but it didn’t seem natural. “Will? Honey?” She took his hand. “I’m right here. I need you to wake up.”

She waited on Will to move but got no response. She went searching through one of the drawers. She found what she was looking for. She ran adrenaline through his I.V. line.

Will felt a surge of energy course through him. He woke up instantly. He bolted upright. He coughed harshly. It was like he had something in his lungs that he couldn’t cough up. He looked at Natalie. Natalie could see the blank look on his face. Natalie placed a hand on each one of his cheeks. “Will? Will, honey, I’m right here.”

Will’s eyes flickered. He came back to reality. “Nat, what are you doing here?”

“A man brought me to you. Said you needed help.”

Jack smiled. “Which you have done a marvelous job of, my dear. I’m afraid I can’t let the either of you go.”

Natalie frowned. “What do you mean? No. You can’t keep us here.”

Will held Natalie close. “He can and he will. He’s done so to me.” rasped Will weakly.

Jack clapped his hands. “I must say you fell for my trap quicker than I thought you would. Nat, was it?” He tapped something on his wrist.

Natalie held onto Will. Will pushed her behind him protectively as Jack came closer. “Don’t you touch her, bastard.”

“I’m afraid you can’t do anything about that, Will. Especially with what kind of a performance you gave me.”

More people came into the room. They were armed. Will stood up weakly. He wobbled as he kept Natalie behind him. The both of them backed up toward the wall. “Don’t make this any worse for yourself, Will. Just turn her over to me.”

“N-no. I won’t. You’ll turn her into one of your experiments.” spat Will. “You aren’t going to take her away from me.”

Jack laughed. He looked to the guards. “Do what you have to. Kill the girl if you must to make a point.”

The guards closed in on her and Will. Will stayed in front of Natalie. Adrenaline was still going through him. One of the guards raised their tase wand at him. Will swung his leg. He kicked the guard’s legs out from underneath of him. He plucked the wand out of his hand. He then used it to shock one of the other guards. The other guard fell to his knees.

Will turned to Natalie. “Go!” he urged.

Natalie bolted without a second thought. Will soon chased after her. The guards followed suit.

Natalie ran toward the elevator. She pressed the down button. She felt Will stand behind her. Will kept an eye on their backside. The guards rounded the corner now armed with rifles. A bolt of light flew past them. Will went wide eyed. As soon as that elevator door opened, Will shoved Natalie into it. He then followed suit. He forcefully slammed the doors closed. He heard the guards banging on it as it went downwards.

Natalie panted. “What the hell is going on, Will?”

“Jack isn’t going to let us leave. I know how to get out of here.” Will felt his body twinge. His knees suddenly grew weak. The adrenaline was wearing off.

The elevator suddenly clicked into place. Will saw orange light begin cutting through the elevator door. He knew what they were trying to do. He grabbed Natalie’s hand. He turned toward the back window of the elevator. They didn’t have that long to go. He began kicking the glass. The glass shattered after the second kick. “Jump.” ordered Will.

Natalie looked at Will. “Are you crazy?!” she shouted.

“It’s either that or we get captured. Which is gonna be?!” growled Will.

Natalie sighed. She jumped out the window. She plummeted, landing on top of one of the tables. She grunted from the impact. She heard Will land by her. He grabbed her hand. He helped her stand up. He heard the guards breach the door on the elevator. More bolts of light came showering down on them.

Natalie and Will began running. Will ran towards where he spotted the maintenance tunnel. He kept Natalie ahead of him. The two entered the tunnel. Will forced the door closed. He panted. He felt his body grow weak. He sank to one knee. Natalie quickly helped him up. The two went into the tunnels.

Jack was in the control room. He watched them navigate down the series of tunnels. He smiled. He went over to another computer. He typed something into the console. A panel on the terminal opened. He sank his key in and twisted it to the side.

Will heard something explode behind them. He quickly urged Natalie to move faster. A bright ball of flame came charging toward them. Natalie gasped. She picked up the pace. More of the tunnels were exploding behind them. Just as Natalie took a step around the corner, an explosion went off.

Last Chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/garlicbreadkings/724606675344031744/dangerous-game-chapter-four-starting-point?source=share

Next Chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/garlicbreadkings/724607178764353536/dangerous-games-chapter-six-inferno?source=share

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ummm-okay · 1 month ago

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#ummm-okay #onechicago #chicago med #chicago pd #jay halstead x averie fields #jay halstead x oc #jay halstead #averie halstead #averie fields #delicate

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karihighman · 3 years ago

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when my ships parallel each other: javery paralleling both chenford and upstead has put me into my feelings SO much

photos from nashville - my screencaps from hulu // the rookie one via google and the chicago pd one via pinterest

#javery #juliette barnes #avery barkley #nashville abc #nashville 2x10 #jonathan jackson #hayden panettiere #the rookie #chenford #their hands #the rookie 3x14 #upstead #chicago pd #jay halstead #hailey upton #love confession #almost love confession #interrupted confession #cpd 7x10

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onechicagolife · 15 days ago

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ABSENTIA | JAY HALSTEAD

Chapter 14

I found a box in yours.

The words loop in Jay’s mind as he sits on the bench outside the bank, staring blankly at the snow collecting in uneven patches along the sidewalk. He checks his watch, though he already knows the time, and shoves his hand back into the pocket of his jacket, the cold seeping through his fingers.

Last night, he hadn’t been able to sleep. His mind was still reeling from what he learned and every time he closed his eyes, her words played over and over. He doesn’t know what to think. How to feel. For two years, he’d been wading through life underwater—drowning, unable to catch his breath. Even when it went against everything in him, every part of her engrained in his DNA, he learned to exist in a world that didn’t have the love of his life in it anymore. All of that changed when he saw her again.

But now, his world has been titled on its axis just after managing to find solid ground, shattering the fragile foundation he thought they were slowly rebuilding. Avery was undercover by choice. She was out of his life by choice. She let him think she was dead by choice. For almost that entire time, she could’ve done something—anything—to let him know she was okay. Except she didn’t. She claims it was to protect him, but instead of just telling him to stop investigating because she was alive, she chose to fake her own death without a single word. To any of them, not even Voight.

How is he supposed to reconcile that? When now she is asking him to put himself in danger anyway. Because of course, he’ll help her. No matter how hurt or angry he is, he would do anything for her. Maybe Hailey was right. It seems like you’re more focused on her than you are on anything else. He shouldn’t be. But he doesn’t know how to stop.

The sound of footsteps pulls him from his thoughts, and Jay lifts his head just as Avery approaches. She’s wrapped tightly in her coat, her cheeks flushed a soft pink as the wind whips her hair in her face. She sends him a nervous, tight-lipped smile, but he can’t bring himself to return it. He’ll help her, but that doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it.

He stands, and the air between them is heavy as he closes the distance between them. “So, what’s the plan?” he asks, his tone flat as he squints against the sun.

Avery tucks a stray curl behind her ear, “Did you bring it?” When he nods, she exhales, her breath visible in the icy air. “We go in as a couple wanting to access our safety deposit box. They ask for ID, you give it to them, and they take us back. We open the box.”

“That simple?” he arches a doubtful brow.

“That simple,” she repeats with a half-shrug.

He huffs a strained laugh, shaking his head. “And if the key doesn’t work? If it’s the wrong box?”

“It’s not,” her tone sharpens, more certain now. “It can’t be a coincidence. I had the key to this bank sewn into my jacket, and there’s a box with your undercover name. Then that exact box happens to be your badge number? I know I would’ve used a name that couldn’t be connected to me. It has to be it.”

Jay studies her, his expression unreadable. She sighs and her voice wavers just slightly, almost like she is afraid of the answer. “Do you trust me?”

The words hit him harder than he expects, and his face softens. Because no matter what she’s done, the answer will always be yes. “I’ll follow your lead,” he says quietly.

Relief flickers across her face as she reaches out, her hand hovering between them. He hesitates for a moment before threading his fingers through hers. Her grip is firm but warm, grounding him in a way that feels too familiar. As she leads him inside, he tries to ignore how it feels like second nature. The escape from the harsh Chicago winds is welcome, and the bank is filled with people milling about. They fall into step toward the counter, waiting in line as Jay struggles to stay focused on the mission at hand. He can’t help but notice the way her shoulder brushes against his, the way her hand fits perfectly in his, and he hates that even now, after everything, she still feels like home.

When they finally get to the front, Avery pastes on a bright smile, her voice light and practiced. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” the teller greets politely. “How can I help you today?”

“We’d like to access our safety deposit box,” she says sweetly.

“Of course. What is the name on the account?”

Jay pulls his hand from hers to reach into his pocket, pretending not to miss the comfort of her touch. “Ryan Tate,” he says, his tone clipped as he presents his CPD-issued license.

“And the box number?”

“51163,” he replies.

The teller nods. “Alright, I can take you back now.”

Jay and Avery exchange a brief glance as they follow the woman to a private room in the back. She approaches a wall lined with safety deposit boxes, stopping at the one with the matching number. She inserts the bank’s key, then turns to them expectantly. “And your key?”

Avery nods, pulling the small gold key from her pocket. She forces her hand to steady as she steps forward, inserting it into the second slot. She holds her breath and with a silent plea, she turns the key. The soft click of the lock disengaging fills the room. Jay holds back a sigh of relief as he meets her eyes, giving a small nod.

The teller smiles and leaves to give them privacy. Avery pulls the box out with both hands, setting it on the table in the center of the room. But she doesn’t open it. She just stares at it, tightening her trembling hands into fists at the possibility of what they might find.

Jay watches her, the complicated emotions he’s been feeling since last night washing away. He reaches out, covering one of her hands with his own. “Hey,” he says softly, waiting for her to meet his eyes. “Whatever’s in that box, we’ll handle it. We’ll figure it out.”

They both know it’s a hopeful lie, but his words still comfort her, like they always have. With another deep breath, she lifts the lid. Inside, a stack of file folders is neatly arranged, topped with a folded white envelope. Her heart stops when she sees the name scrawled across it in her own handwriting: Jay. She picks up the envelope with shaking hands, carefully unfolding the letter inside.

He watches her face as she scans the page, his stomach twisting when her skin pales. “What does it say?” Jay asks tentatively.

Avery swallows hard, clearing the emotion from her throat before reading aloud. “Jay. If you’re reading this, that probably means that I’m dead. For real this time. The bank was instructed to contact you if payment defaulted after six months. I don’t know who I can trust. Someone in the DEA is on Volkov’s payroll, but I don’t know who. Here is all the evidence I’ve been able to gather—accounts, bank statements, phone records—all of it. I’ve been alone for so long, but you’re my partner, and I know you’ll finish what I started. I hope that one day you can understand why I had to do this.”

Her voice catches, and she forces out the next words quickly, “I love you. Avery.”

The silence in the room is deafening as she sets the letter back on the table, her fingers lingering on the edge of the paper. The weight of her own words—words she doesn’t even remember writing—has her fighting to keep the tears at bay. She keeps her gaze on the letter, unable to look at Jay.

He exhales sharply, dragging a hand down his face as he processes what she just read. The words ‘I love you’ pierce through his skin like the bullet in his chest, the wound throbbing as his pulse quickens. He glances down at the box, the stack of folders sitting there like a bomb waiting to go off.

“We should look at what’s in here,” Avery says softly, her voice barely audible.

He nods, though his movements are stiff, mechanical. Jay reaches into the box, pulling out the first folder, setting it on the table before flipping it open. Bank statements, wire transfers, and names—lots of names. He scans the first few pages, his brows furrowing as the numbers jump out at him. “Look at these accounts,” he mutters, flipping through the pages more quickly. “That’s a lot of money.”

She leans closer, her shoulder brushing against his as she looks over the papers. Jay tries not to let his breathing falter as the familiar smell of her shampoo invades his space. Mornings spent in the shower washing each other’s hair, nights spent laying in his arms. He shakes the thought away, forcing his eyes away from her profile. Thankfully, she doesn’t notice his reaction before continuing.

Her voice is tight, controlled, as she points out the numbers on the page. “It’s from the trafficking operations. I remember enough to know that Volkov wasn’t just selling girls locally. This is international. Some of these accounts must be tied to the buyers.”

His brows furrow as he flips to the next, eyes catching on the familiar logo at the top of page. “Global Trust Financial,” Jay reads. “They’ve been flagged for money laundering, but nothing ever sticks because the accounts are overseas.” He glances at her, “Why didn’t you turn this over to the Feds?”

“I did,” she explains, remembering several of the reports Lang gave her. “Partially, at least. But I must’ve held back because I didn’t want whoever is dirty to know I was onto them. I don’t know how I got this information, but it must be connected.”

Her fingers brush against his as she flips to the next page, and she ignores the way it makes her heart flutter. Avery points out numbers that she must have highlighted in bright yellow ink, “These are calls from Nikolai Volkov, probably to burner phones.”

Jay scratches his jaw, trying to make sense of it all. “What I don’t understand is why they would let you stay under. I’m sure you were doing damage to their operations, gathering intel. Why wouldn’t they just give you up?”

“I don’t think they knew who I was,” she meets his eyes. “Lang said that it was all need-to-know. Hell, I was barely allowed to look at the reports and I wrote them. They weren’t even the unredacted originals, and I never used my full name when I signed them. It’s a joint task force between DEA and FBI—who knows how many people are on it and who all knows what.”

Avery pulls out another folder, this one thicker than the others. The moment she opens it, her breath hitches sharply, the images inside stealing the air from her lungs.

Jay steps closer and peers over her shoulder. His stomach twists as he takes in the photographs: young girls, their faces pale and frightened. Some are posed, their expressions blank, framed for advertisements too horrifying to think about. Others are candid, grainy photos taken from the shadows—likely by Avery. Jay doesn’t speak. He doesn’t need to. The weight of what she endured—what she must have witnessed—is written across her face, clear as day.

Her fingers tremble as she thumbs through the photos, her movements slowing when one particular image draws her attention. Avery’s hand freezes, brushing the edge of the photo as her face hardens. She knows this girl. The memory is fragmented, fractured, but clear enough. The girl somehow looks even younger than she remembers.

“I had the chance to get them out,” she whispers shakily as she stares at the photo. “And I didn’t.” Her breathing falters, tears welling in her eyes as the words spill out. “I could’ve gone back in the middle of the night. I could’ve—”

“Avery.”

His voice cuts through her spiral, steady and firm. Grounding. Jay reaches out, taking the folder and placing it on the table beside them. Without hesitation, he steps closer, his hand sliding up to cup her jaw, his thumb resting gently against her cheek. He tilts her face toward him, forcing her watery gaze to meet his.

“This is not on you,” he says, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You hear me? This is not on you.”

She closes her eyes to prevent the tears from falling. His words threaten to break something loose in her, a dam she’s been trying to hold together for too long.

Jay’s voice softens, but the conviction remains. “Who knows how many other girls they have—here, in other cities, back in Russia. If you’d blown your cover before taking Volkov down, they would’ve just found more girls to traffic. You didn’t fail them. You did what you could.”

Her eyes snap open, and she shakes her head weakly. “It wasn’t enough,” she mutters quietly, but the pain in her voice is palpable.

He swallows hard, his own throat tightening at the sight of her. “You got evidence of every single one of those girls. You made sure they wouldn’t be forgotten,” he says firmly.

Avery blinks slowly as his words sink in. The tightness in her chest eases just a fraction, but the guilt still clings to her, sharp and unrelenting. After everything she’s done, all the ways she’s hurt him, she doesn’t understand how he could still have so much faith in her.

“I’m still pissed at you,” Jay admits, his voice dropping lower. He lets out a shaky breath, his hand still warm against her skin. “But no matter how I feel about it, no matter what I wish you’d done differently... you were doing your job, Ave. You were doing what you thought you had to do.”

Her breath catches, and for a moment, she doesn’t know how to respond. She looks into his eyes, searching for something—reassurance, forgiveness, understanding. And it’s all there in that moment, in spite of everything that’s passed between them.

Overwhelmed, Jay takes a step back, giving her space—needing his own—though his eyes remain locked on hers. “So, now what?” he asks, clearing the emotion from his throat.

Avery straightens, breathing in sharply through her nose as resolve hardens her features. “Now we find Nikolai Volkov.”

The inside of the truck is cold, the heater humming faintly as it struggles to keep the frigid Chicago night at bay. The dim glow of a nearby streetlamp and occasional headlights of passing cars illuminates the quiet streets. They’re parked a few blocks away from the warehouse, far enough to not be spotted but close enough to observe the comings and goings. Jay leans back in his seat, his fingers tapping a restless rhythm on the steering wheel. His eyes flick to the rearview mirror and then to the street ahead, but his thoughts aren’t on the darkened building. They’re on the woman sitting beside him.

Avery is curled up in the passenger seat with her boots propped on the dash, cradling a steaming cup of tea in her hands. The smell of peppermint mixed with his coffee drifts faintly between them, and he wonders—not for the first time—how she manages to make a stakeout look so casual. So normal. Like they’re not sitting in the freezing dark, watching for signs of one of the most dangerous men in Chicago that was also responsible for the distance between them. Like they haven’t spent the last few weeks avoiding each other’s gaze whenever they’re in the same room.

“You really think Volkov is here?” Jay breaks the silence, his voice low and, though he trusts her, skeptical.

Avery doesn’t look at him, her gaze remaining fixed on the warehouse down the block. “Dmitri hasn’t been seen in the US in years. Nik is our best bet. I’ve been looking for him for weeks, but major parts of their operation have gone underground since…”

“Since you escaped,” he finishes softly.

She clenches her jaw, her fingers picking at the sleeve on the cup. “Yeah.”

Jay glances at her briefly, focusing on the way her leg anxiously bounces in place. “How’d you find this place?”

“Before the Feds took the case again, I got a look at the suspects they ID’d from the raid,” she explains, her voice steady but distant as she threads her fingers through her hair while propping her elbow by the window. “I did some digging, made connections. One of them led me here. I’ve been watching it, but there hasn’t been enough to move on yet.”

He nods, his eyes scanning the darkened street in front of them. After a beat, his voice cuts through the quiet, “You said some memories have been coming back.”

Avery stiffens slightly, her leg freezing mid-bounce, but doesn’t look at him. “Yup,” her tone is clipped, a clear warning.

He ignores it, pressing on, “Do you remember that guy from the raid? The one we were never able to ID?”

She can’t help but glare at him out of the corner of her eye, his tone enough to make the unspoken words clear. The one you killed. It took a while, but eventually she remembered enough to place him. She clears her throat, “He went by ‘Boomer.’ Don’t ask me why. He worked closely with Nik, but I didn’t do much with him. He didn’t trust me. Thought I was just a pretty face that Nik wanted to sleep with.”

His hand tightens on the steering wheel, head swiveling to stare at her with hard eyes. “He what?”

“Relax,” Avery scoffs, rolling her eyes. “I might’ve dangled the possibility in front of him, but nothing ever happened.” She hesitates as she looks down at the tea in her lap, “I would never do that to you.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, frowning slightly at her quiet tone. When his mind travels back to that warehouse, to the look on her face as the man taunted her, he breaks the silence. “What did he mean when he asked if I knew the things you’ve done?”

Avery stiffens at that. Images flash behind her eyes—a knife plunged deep in Cam’s stomach, blood staining her skin. The gun in her hand connecting with a man’s face. Her chest tightens, and she swallows hard, refusing to meet his questioning gaze. “I have no idea,” she lies, her voice carefully controlled.

Jay doesn’t press, but the tension in the truck thickens. After a beat, his voice softens, though the edge of suspicion remains. “And Cam?”

Her head snaps toward him with wide eyes. He couldn’t possibly know… could he? “What?” she chokes out.

“Your CI,” he clarifies, his expression guarded as he watches her reaction.

Avery quickly forces a neutral expression, though her pulse thumps loudly in her ears. “No, I know who you mean. What about him?”

He studies her, trying to understand the look in her eyes the way he always could. He’s starting to accept the fact that he can’t read her anymore, which sends an unexpected pang through his chest. “I tried tracking him down to see if he knew anything about what happened to you. I was too late, but I never believed it was a drug deal gone bad. Figured Nik realized he was a snitch and had him killed.”

She turns away again, concentrating on controlling her voice as she brushes her hair behind her ear and lowers her feet from the dash. “I don’t remember anything about that.”

As if the universe sensed her desperate need to change the subject, Jay’s phone starts vibrating where it sits on the middle console. Her eyes tick towards it, managing to catch a glimpse of the screen before he puts it in his pocket, swiftly silencing the call. Avery looks at him again, “You can answer that if you need to.” When he doesn’t respond, just stares out the window, she forces a casual lilt in her voice. “How are things with you and Hailey, anyway?”

His jaw clenches as he looks out the windshield, “They’re fine.”

“Fine?” she fights to keep a smirk from tugging at her lips. “That’s not exactly a glowing review.”

“They’re good,” he says sharply, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Uh-huh,” she takes a slow sip of her tea. “Glad to hear things are so… fine.”

Jay glances at her, his irritation flickering to the surface as his argument with Hailey unbiddenly flashes through his mind. He knows he shouldn’t say it, knows it’s petty and unfair, but he can’t help himself. “What about you and Ruz? You two seem awfully cozy lately.”

Avery arches an eyebrow, her head falling back against the seat with a dull thud. The faintest exhale of disbelief escapes her lips, “Seriously?”

“Just making conversation,” he counters, forcing a shrug, but the tightness in his voice betrays him.

“Right,” Avery says dryly, her voice tinged with exasperation. “Adam’s my partner. We work together. We get coffee. We talk. That’s it.”

Jay huffs, looking back out the windshield, but his thoughts spiral. He knows their banter, their inside jokes—it had never bothered him before. He’d trusted her completely, and even though Adam flirted sometimes, he never questioned it. But now... now it’s different. Now, Avery is back but not really back. She’s smiling and laughing with everyone else, but with him? All he gets is cold distance. Maybe it’s the fact that she could move on so easily with everyone but him. Maybe it’s because he knows deep down, he’s part of the reason she feels like she has to keep her walls up.

“If you say so,” he mutters finally, the bitterness in his tone unmistakable.

Avery lets out a soft, humorless laugh, shaking her head. “Just ask me what you want to ask me, Jay.”

His eyes flick to hers, narrowing slightly. “What do I want to ask you?” he shoots back sarcastically.

She angles herself toward him slightly, her eyebrow arched in challenge, “If I’m fucking Adam.”

Jay gapes at her, completely caught off guard. His mind immediately conjures an image of just that, and it makes his stomach churn violently. He knows it’s irrational. He knows he has no right to feel this way. And yet, here he is. And as much as he refuses to admit it out loud, the bitter twinge of jealousy is something he can’t deny anymore.

When he doesn’t respond, Avery’s anger flares, her tone sharp and defensive. “Who I sleep with is none of your business.”

“So, you’re not denying it?” he snaps, the accusation laced with frustration and something else he doesn’t want to name.

Her glare hardens, her fists clenching around her forgotten tea before she sets it in the cup holder. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”

“I’m not jealous,” Jay bites out too quickly, the words sounding hollow even to his own ears.

“Liar,” Avery fires back. “How would Hailey feel about this conversation?”

“Don’t bring her into this,” he scoffs incredulously, his voice rising slightly as guilt twists in his gut.

“Then stop bringing Adam into this!” her volume matches his, tired and raw. “He has nothing to do with whatever the hell is going on between me and you. You made your feelings clear, Jay. You’re in love with someone else. Nothing has changed for me. I told you that, and I respected it. I needed space. I needed time to figure out how to live with all of this—” she gestures vaguely between them. Her eyes gloss over with unshed tears, “—and then you just… keep showing up. And I don’t understand why.”

She swallows audibly, closing her eyes for a moment. “I know that this is my fault—that I ruined things between us. But you can’t keep messing with my head.”

That makes anger flare hot in his chest. “I’m messing with your head? Do you have any idea what you put me through? I almost lost my entire career because I was so messed up over your death. Because I thought it was my fault.”

Her voice cracks as she remembers what Adam told her. “You think I don’t know? You think I don’t regret the choices I made?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he says harshly, shaking his head. “Because you don’t let me in. Not really. You push me away, and then you ask me for help, and then you push me away again. What the hell do you want from me?”

“I don’t know!” she shouts. “I don’t know what I want. But I know I can’t keep pretending like I don’t feel the way you stare at me, judging my every move. You tell me you care, you put your hand on my face, and then you go home to Hailey.” Her voice lowers, wavering as she is overwhelmed with memories. “You said my name while you were bleeding out, Jay, and we never talked about it. I can’t fucking do this anymore. So, forgive me for trying to move on.”

Her words cut him deeper than he’s willing to admit. Jay wants to defend himself, to tell her she’s wrong, but he can’t. Because she isn’t. Everything she’s accused him of is true. He does care. He did put his hand on her face, wanting to comfort her. And when he was shot, it was his life with her that flashed before his eyes.

But he’s also so goddamn angry.

The silence between them is suffocating. Avery’s breaths come in sharp, uneven bursts, her chest rising and falling as she fights to keep herself together. He looks away, his jaw tightening as he stares out the windshield, his own emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

Finally, he speaks, his voice low and strained. “I almost died, and all I could think about was you. Not Hailey. Not anyone else. Just you.” He swallows hard, his voice cracking as he continues. “And I don’t know what to do with that because I can’t forgive you for what you did. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But I can’t stop caring about you either. I’ve tried. God, I’ve tried. But I can’t.”

Jay exhales slowly, his words ringing in his own ears. He can feel the weight of her gaze on him, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the windshield, unable to face her fully. The truck feels too small, the air between them thick with everything they’ve said—and everything they haven’t. Everything they can’t.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” her voice is softer now, tentative, like one wrong move could break them. “I can’t go back in time and change things. But I don’t want to lose you. And if that’s not enough for you, then I don’t know where we go from here.”

The vulnerability in her words cuts through his anger like a blade, and for a moment, the fight drains out of him. He sighs, leaning back against the seat, his grip loosening on the steering wheel. “For now… we focus on what’s in front of us. We figure out what happened to you. We find the mole. We bring down Volkov. Whatever it takes.” Jay doesn’t meet her eyes—he can’t—but his voice is steady with quiet determination. “I’m with you.”

She studies his profile, her chest tightening at the conviction in his tone, even now. She doesn’t know if she can ever mend what she broke between them but hearing that promise on his lips is enough to shake up everything she thought she knew. And make her realize that she doesn’t want to push him away anymore.

The silence stretches between them, not as suffocating as before but still tense. Avery shifts in her seat, still on edge. Reaching towards the barrier that separates them, she grabs his coffee from the cup holder. She takes a sip without thinking, the bitter liquid spreading warmth through her entire body.

Jay glances at her out of the corner of his eye, his brows furrowing, “Did you seriously just drink my coffee?”

Her eyes snap to his, widening slightly as she realizes what she’s done. She’s always determined to drink tea during stakeouts, insisting that coffee makes her too restless for hours spent trapped in a car. And without fail, she’d always end up stealing his. “Sorry. Habit,” Avery mutters, her cheeks flushing as she quickly sets it back where it belongs.

He shakes his head, a mix of disbelief and amusement tugging at his features, “Unbelievable.”

Avery huffs a soft laugh. “Poor baby,” she teases, her tone light and familiar.

Glancing at her, the corner of his mouth twitches upward before he can catch himself. Jay knows he shouldn’t be smiling, shouldn’t be letting her pull him back into the rhythm they always had. Especially not after that. But for a fleeting moment, the distance between them doesn’t exist, and he feels like he can breathe again.

The moment doesn’t last long. Out of the corner of his eye, Jay notices a shift of movement near the warehouse. His gaze sharpens, his body tensing as he nods toward the passenger window, “You’ve got movement on the east side.”

Avery follows his line of sight, her playful demeanor vanishing in an instant. Her body goes rigid as her eyes lock on the figure stepping out into the faint glow of a flickering streetlamp. He’s flanked by two men, their postures rigid and alert, but it’s Nikolai who commands all her attention. His stride is confident, his face unreadable, but even from this distance, she can see the cold gleam in his eyes.

Her chest tightens, her breath catching in her throat as the world around her seems to blur. The muffled hum of the truck’s heater fades, drowned out by the sudden rush of blood pounding in her ears. The sight of him—the first real sight of him since she got back—triggers something previously lost to the depths of her mind. And she wishes she could forget again.

Avery's head lolled forward, the relentless pounding at her temples sending waves of nausea roiling through her stomach. She struggled to blink her eyes open, squinting against the dim, flickering light above her. The sudden brightness stabs through her skull like a blade, digging and digging deeper. A soft, involuntary groan escaped her lips before she could stop it.

The air was damp and sour, thick with the stench of mildew and something metallic—something that reminded her of blood. The cold bit into her skin, its sharpness making her body tremble. As her vision adjusted, she realized she was suspended, her wrists bound tightly above her head by rusted chains. Her feet dangled just above the wet concrete floor, her weight pulling painfully at her shoulders with every shallow breath.

Panic clawed at her chest, sharp and relentless. Her mind raced, trying to piece together fragments of memory—the meeting with Nik, the guard’s phone somehow picking up her signal, the sudden strike of her face onto the table.

The distant echo of footsteps jolted her back to the present. They were slow, deliberate, each step sending a fresh wave of dread coursing through her. She forced herself to breathe evenly, to focus, to shove down the terror that threatened to consume her.

The heavy metal door creaked open, and she froze.

Nikolai stepped into the room, his presence commanding despite his quiet movements. He wore the same crisp suit, a few more buttons of his white shirt undone. His expression was calm, but his sharp blue eyes betrayed something deeper. They scanned her with precision, cold but flickering with something else she can’t place.

“Well, well,” he drawled, his thick accent curling around the words like smoke. “My favorite girl is finally awake.” His lips curved into a faint smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes, “You have been very naughty.”

Avery forced herself to lift her head, meeting his gaze despite the fear clawing at her throat. Her voice was hoarse from disuse, not even knowing how long she’d been unconscious for. “Nik,” she forced through gritted teeth. “If you wanted to chain me up, you could’ve just asked.”

For a moment, his expression softened, his lips twitching in something resembling amusement, but it disappeared just as quickly. He clasped his hands behind his back as he stepped closer. “You always were clever with your words,” he said with a frown. “But cleverness only gets you so far, Talia.”

She stiffened as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, button-like device that she recognized instantly. He held it up to the light, letting it catch the faint flicker of the bulb above them.

“You thought I wouldn’t find this?” he asked, his voice sharp but tinged with something else—disappointment.

She swallowed hard, forcing her expression into one of confusion. “What is that?”

“Don’t insult me,” Nikolai snapped. His eyes searched hers for something—answers, guilt, regret. He stepped closer, pausing for a long moment. “Who do you work for? Police? FBI?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said quickly, her voice trembling but steady enough to sound convincing. “I’m not—”

The slap came without warning, sharp and brutal. Her head snapped to the side, the sting radiating through her cheek. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she blinked them away, clenching her teeth as she spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor.

“Lies,” he hissed, voice rising steadily. “You think I cannot see through you? Your pretty face won’t save you now.”

He turned away, pacing with calculated precision, his dress shoes clicking against the concrete. Her mind raced, grasping for a way out, a way to stall. Her team would find her. Jay would find her. She just needed time.

“Nik,” she tried again, her voice shaking but firm enough to hold his attention. “You know me. I would never betray you.”

He stopped mid-stride, turning to face her with a slow, deliberate motion. His head tilted, his lips curling into a faint, almost bitter smirk. “You think I will believe your lies?” He snapped his fingers, and the door creaked open again. Two men entered, each carrying a metal box.

Her stomach churned as she caught sight of the cables coiled neatly inside. Adrenaline spiked in her veins, her pulse hammering against her ribcage. “Wait—Nik, wait—” Avery’s voice cracked as panic edged into her tone, but it was useless.

“Enough,” he barked, his voice echoing in the small room. He closed the distance between them in two quick strides, his hand gripping her chin roughly and forcing her to look at him. But this time, his touch lingered just a fraction too long. His fingers softened slightly, as if he didn’t want to hurt her more than he already had. His gaze bored into hers, a storm of emotions swirling behind his cold exterior. “Tell me who you work for, or I will make you tell me.”

Her throat constricted, barely able to get the words out. “I told you—I’m not a cop. I’m not working for anyone. Please, Nik—”

His jaw tightened, his fingers twitching against her skin before he abruptly let go, turning away. For a brief moment, his hand hovered at his side. But when he turned back, the mask was back in place, and he lifted his hand in a silent command.

The first jolt hit before she could process what was happening, ripping through her body with searing heat. Her muscles seized, her back arching as a scream tore from her throat. The pain was blinding, obliterating every coherent thought, every shred of control. When the current stopped, she sagged against the chains, her breaths coming in short, shallow gasps. Her vision swam, the dim light above her spinning in dizzying circles.

Nikolai crouched in front of her, his face inches from hers. His voice was quieter now, almost pained. “Why do you make me do this?” he murmured, his eyes scanning her face desperately. “You know I don’t want to hurt you, Talia. Just tell me the truth.”

She forced her head up, her jaw clenched, meeting his conflicted gaze with as much defiance as she could muster. Avery didn’t trust herself to speak, but her silence spoke volumes. She wouldn’t break. Not for him. Not for anyone.

His expression shifted, cold fury taking over every feature. “Very well,” he said, standing. He gestured to the men. “Again.”

The second jolt was worse. Her body convulsed violently, her screams tearing through the small room. The chains rattled with her movements, the metal biting into her wrists as the current ripped through her. Her vision blurred, dark spots dancing at the edges as she fought to hold on, to stay conscious.

Somewhere in the haze, she heard Nikolai’s voice, cold and unrelenting. “You will talk. One way or another.”

As the darkness closed in, her last thought was a promise to herself: You will not break. No matter what.

And then everything went black.

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#jay halstead #jay halstead x oc #jay halstead fanfiction #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #story: absentia #gifs are not mine: ask if you would like yours removed

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