#autistically i am so . like food is something that i need to be Clean i need it to be assured it's Safe

[tamagotchikgs]

my mom kept pushing for me to do her homeopathic garlic remedy on my wisdom tooth bc she said it would pull the infection out (which she doesnt even know IF i have) and i eventually did it a few days ago but it burnt the shit out of my gums n left them so raw and i told her that n she straight up just. said no. it wouldnt do that it cant. and then said that she never claimed it Wouldnt like MA'AM.,,,,,,,, and then,,, told me i should do more,,, ,i,, and then today she again kept trying to get me to do it again despite the fact trying so hard to heal the gums so i dont get an actual infection and since i said no she's started hiding garlic in my food

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not swapping chores back.

I live with friends. We are on a schedule for all house chores. I am having a problem with one of my friends/roommates : Ethan.

Ethan used to clean stuff right after me. It drived me nuts. I don't particularly like cleaning but it's part of adulting so I do it quick and well. I have lived both alone and with other people and never had issues with the way I clean things. Ethan himself tell me it's nothing personal. It's just "the way he is", he just needs things to be done his way. He does it Whenever anyone clean something. It's not a me thing.

Other roommates were not overly bothered by Ethan cleaning just after them. "He is free to pointlessly clean if he wants, I have better things to do than be bothered about it"

Ethan and me decided to exchange tasks. He got my cleaning tasks and I took his cooking turns.

About cooking. Everyone one of us has food preference or restriction. We try to accommodate everyone.

I eat everything BUT one of the thing I asked was to eat a different homecooked meal everyday. (We are a Lot of roommates so it's really feasible for us to only cook once a week or less) I am OK with leftovers and alternate leftover foods for some days. I just want to not eat the Same Meal Everyday. I had a difficult depressive episode while I couldn't cook and just ate the exact same thing for 6 months, and now, eating bland rice twice makes me sad.

Ethan is Difficult with food. He hates a lot of common ingredients and favors the most bland flavors. He is the pickiest eater. He asked us to always cook him bland pasta (or Rice) for every meal. He will eat the same things as us all, then takes two servings of pasta. Whatever you might cook will never be as good for him than pasta and butter. It's OK, I got to live with it.

Ethan is a terrible cook. He hard boil and overcook everything. No seasoning except salt.

I am a very good cook. I spend hours cooking. It's the way I express love. Homemade lasagna, ramen, boeuf bourgignon, … Because I don't have to cook everyday, I love overdoing it on the days I am cooking. Even making complicated deserts. I also often prepare two or three versions of the same dish to accommodate the tastes of everyone (no cheese for Ethan, less spice for Jeanne and Ethan, no Pepper for Alix and Ethan, no gluten for…)

I love all of my roommates cooking. I am grateful when I don't have to cook and always compliment my friends and thanks them for cooking even if they cook more everyday food than I do. I always say : The one doing the thing is the one who is doing it the best.

I don't hate Ethan cooking. It's just terribly bland. You can't really hate boring. It's just meh.

But we swapped.

I thought everyone was happy.

But yesterday, we talked about a new roommate joining our home. He is Ethan's best friend. Everyone was happy and asking question to Ethan about his bff and how cohabiting with him will be.

Me : Does he cook ? Ethan : Well, we never died of hunger for all the years we lived together Me : That's not what I asked, though. Ethan : Yes he cooks, but I don't know if he will be up to your impossible standards. Me : I appear yo have impossible standards only from your place. You are the one with a 5 y.o palate !

Now Ethan is acting all upset saying I insulted him. That he always felt so much pressure cooking for me and that I am a upthight princess and I didn't have to insult him. That me specifically (I am autistic), should know how it is (he is not diagnosed with anything but there is hints here and there).

He says that I have to swap back our tasks to demonstrate I like his cooking. I asked if he will stop cleaning after me then. He said he can't promise, so I said no. I don't want to. I hate him cleaning after me more than I dislike eating bland food once in a while but he is acting all offended and insecure. Our other roommates also doesn't want to force the change as they prefer my cooking. Ethan says obviously I am the one that cook the best of all of us but it's not the point. He wants me to prove I don't have impossible standards by eating his cooking Again.

AITA for insulting my friend and telling him he has a child's palate. While it's not very nice, I think it's rather true. And AITA for not swapping our tasks ? If I am the A, I will agree to swap. I will present my excuses anyway because I don't like seeing my friend buthurt.

What are these acronyms?

[queeraang]

speaking of how adhd steals your fucking dopamine. i keep meaning to share some tips for i manage it.

so obviously finishing a task doesn't make you feel good, like it does other people, but i've found that if you don't have the lingering dread of Task it's almost like feeling good. so the main thing i tell myself it "it won't be easier later"

because most of the tasks i put off are chores and realistically, the sooner you wash dishes/do your laundry the less shitty the actual task is. also i try to knock everything out at the same time, because i'm up and moving so it's kind of like tricking the executive dysfunction because i don't have to "start" more than one thing.

multitasking is also good for gameifying things, like can i wash these dishes before the oven's done? i also recommend a cleaning/cooking-sona (i put on an apron and play a specific playlist personally)

the other little tip is if you have multiple things to do, try and do the one you'll forget first. by that i mean whichever thing has the fewest natural reminders. so if i need to feed the cats AND take something out of the freezer to thaw, i try and do freezer first because my cats are going to yell at me until they get wet food so i can't really forget whereas the freezer thing could slip my mind until it's too late

(all of this comes with the caveat that i am also autistic so i do have a sort of 'we eat the worst part of the meal first to get the suffering over with' sort of nature that other people might not. also i don't have any like heavily debilitating physical issues where waiting a day to do a task might genuinely be easier because of pain or something)

[spectrumgarden]

how do you know if you have medium support needs?

Gonna go on a bit of a long winded support needs rant here.

Frankly theres no hard lines between the terms low medium and high support needs. Medium support needs specifically is a community term, meaning it was made by autistic people instead of medical professionals. There are also many people who consider themselves right between two categories, so they'll say they are low-medium or medium-high, which honestly turns it into more of a 5 options system than 3 if you're being pedantic. And then theres also the option of describing the category further, for example like saying you are on the high end of low support needs, or the low end of medium support needs.

( slight tangent: depending on where you live there might be actual legal categories with strict definitions, based on how much support someone needs, seperate from the specific terms of LSN MSN and HSN. In germany where I live there are Pflegegrade, translating to "care degree", which has 5 levels. I am right under the point cut off for level 3, so I'm a high level 2, described as "substantial limitation of indepence and skill". (Which I think also fits well with me considering myself on the low end of MSN.) This care level translates to funding for my care by my insurance and (alongside my disability ID score and markers) is often used in services for disabled people to "prove" that I need them to begin with before the question of funding even comes up. )

When it comes to assessing these support needs, whether legally defined or community coined, you can not really get around ADLs, activities of daily living. There are bADLs and iADLs, and most lists online will be fairly similar in what they include. ADLs are used in assessing disabled peoples need for care no matter their type of disability. It's what was used for my grandmother with alzheimers the same way it's used for me or my neighbor with mobility issues.

Since there are no strict "you need to hit exactly these many of the bADLs and these many of the iADLs that you need help with in this way" rules to qualify for, anything past this point will be my subjective opinion that I formed after looking at tons of peoples self reported and caregiver reported support needs label and what they need help with, and in what capacity. Others might define this (slightly) differently.

Support basically starts at reminders and ends in someone else completely doing it for you (sometimes done as hand over hand to hopefully build motor memory so you might be able to start doing them a bit more independently in the future). Theres also the detail of "how do you define needing care" and in general disability circles, not necessarily autism specific circles, I've often seen the phrase "can you do it reliably and safely" to assess if you need help with something. So if you can only get yourself to shower once a month for example even with reminders, that would still count as requiring care of some level for it to be done reliably. Or if you can use an oven to heat up / make food but you sometimes get burns that go beyond regular "clumsiness" that also means you probably need additional support to use it safely.

From what I've seen in the community over the last few years I honestly consider bADLs to be a large deciding factor for your support needs. If I did not need help with bADLs beyond reminders I could for example probably get away with only having a few hours of support a week for things like assisted grocery shopping or driving me to a doctor's appointment or helping me write an email or make a phone call or helping me deep clean the bathroom or kitchen, while spending my day to day completely by myself. I would still have to accommodate myself the rest of the time, such as mostly relying on instant and generally low effort food, my apartment would probably never be super tidy (but also like. Majority of peoples apartments get messy on the regular, I should know from my friends that are all 100% abled), and relying on a schedule, for example an app or physical list on the wall, for bathing, dressing and grooming.

But because I need prompting for my bADLs to be done reliably in any way or form I suddenly need a lot more care, so this small detail made it go from 1-2 days a week to daily.

with bADLs (and similarly iADLs but that's not the focus right now) it starts with people who need no help with them, then people directly below me who need reminders for (some) of them, people like me who need prompting and on bad days hands on help with some. And over that are people who need prompting for most if not all of them, and ending in people who need hands on help for all of them. And if you crammed that entire experience all into high support needs and left low to medium support needs open for people who only need help with iADLs it would be way too much for the HSN category alone I think. But if you extended it into low support needs it would also make low support needs basically useless as a term. Which to me means it makes the most sense to consider needing some help with bADLs beyond reminders the thing that sort of starts the category of medium support needs applying. Because frankly speaking reminders dont take up a lot of time, often can be done virtually or without the need for another person via reminders and checklists etc. Which is a stark contrast to someone who needs to be walked through a task from beginning to end by someone by their side at all times. So you can need help with most/all of your iADLs, which means you still need a relatively high amount of care if you look at it from an abled perspective ( i.e. someone to control your finances for you, and organize your transportation, and help you keep your environment clean, ...) and maybe rely on a phone app that reminds you to brush your teeth and shower, and still be low support needs, because you're putting it in the perspective of the large variety that is disabled experiences.

Lastly I do think the ADLs are not perfect, for example at least older definitions usually do not include things like if you can engage in fun activities by yourself such as watching media or reading or drawing, whatever you enjoy, or how effectively you can communicate in daily life even though that is in itself important to your quality of life and will affect how much time needs to be spend on your care. However they are the best we have currently and make a lot of sense.

[bostova]

so after a whole bunch of research and watching endless youtube videos I am very confident that I am solidly in the PDA profile of autism. I knew I was autistic, but a lot of the coping strategies and mechanisms that I read about for being an adult with autism just did not work at all for me, and only increased my meltdowns and anxiety. Once I learned about PDA everything just made a lot more sense about my entire life, including my childhood and the problems I have been facing in the past few years.

I made a list of all of the things I do daily that my brain perceives as demands and it's no wonder I am so fucking exhausted and have no time for other people. Even just keeping myself alive by eating, staying hydrated, showering, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, getting dressed, going out to buy food/drinks, waking up at a decent time, going to sleep when I know I am tired, washing my hair... these are all things I don't WANT to do, but I NEED to and HAVE to do them which threatens my autonomy (there's always something else I would rather be doing) and triggers my stress response (depends on the situation but usually fight, sometimes flight, rarely freeze). God help me if I have other things I have to do that day like running errands, cooking for my partners, working a job (demand fucking city), cleaning the house, reaponding to messages/emails/calls that I have been putting off etc. etc.

It's no wonder i got so burned out in 2022 and needed fuckin 5 months off work sick to literally do NOTHING. Honestly it feels like I squeezed out the toothpaste tube of my autism and i've never been able to put it back in and get my shit together. I have no idea how I was able to cope for so long, cause these days it feels like I'm drowning and I'll never be in control of my life ever again. Like how the fuck do I get a job where people don't make demands of me all fucking day, where I'm the one in control of my time and life? Because even if I'm my own boss, then I'M the one who has to still do the fucking things I don't want to do but HAVE to do to earn the money just to keep myself alive

i am so tired

[4saken4gotten]

Head Canons For Dante From Devil May Cry

I think about Dante way too much so I thought I would share my thoughts on some head canons of my own. Especially since the fandom for me gets so fucking dryyyyyyy Like please, I need more content or I'm going to spontaneously combust and not even in a hot and sexy way. (Or it still will be I just wont feel like it, but looking like hell on wheels is the goal!) yes that was a Heathers reference don't come at me Am I cringe? Yes. Am I free? Yes. These are my SFW head canons for him! If I get to it I can make my NSFW head canons as well but we'll see about that. Gender Neutral Reader Pairing. For my bitches, bros and fellow nonbinary hoes. (My certification in making head canons is as follows: I have played DMC 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I've read all the novels, and read 3 different fan translations of the novels we don't have official English translations for. I've watched the animated series at least 12 times and I've listened to all of the audio drama CD's. I have canon reasons for all my head canons but some of them are just little silly things because I brain rot. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.) I apologize in advanced for any typos and grammar mistakes and or just not making sense. I am dyslexic and autistic so I have a weird way of explaining things and will misspell basic words sometimes but I promise to do my best.

He's a big dork and his favorite thing to do is make his S/O laugh. Filling their soul with light is his favorite thing to do. teehee So he says the stupidest jokes to make them double over in laughter.

This is a bit of a double edged sword however since he uses humor and sarcasm as a major crutch / coping mechanism. He can be serious when the situation calls for it, but most of the time he doesn't want situations and mishaps to weigh on himself or those around him too heavily.

He's HELLA broke. So he'd take full advantage of free things to do like spending the night under the stars in a park after hours. Something that feels like "We aren't supposed to be out here!" but isn't really harmful / breaking the law.

I think he has some sort of collection of some sort. I think he collects seashells because they remind him of more serene times in his childhood. Probably hand sized conches or perhaps sand dollars (because its the only 'dollars' Lady cant swindle out of him ;u;)

Will die on the hill of pizza being a "balanced meal" insisting that it has all the important food groups therefore pizza is healthier than media wants people to think.

Despite his habits of leaving his pizza boxes about and letting Patty clean up after him- his own personal hygiene is actually really important to him. He always makes sure to take a shower after he gets back from every mission.

He honestly cant stand the scent of demon blood on him, it makes him a little anxious because it takes him back to the night of the fire / attack every time. (babyyyy boyyyyyyyyyyyy)

His love language is physical touch (giving) and acts of service (receiving). When he gets more comfortable with you, he's got some part of him touching you at all times: a thigh pressed against yours, a gentle hand around your shoulders or the small of your back, insistent on you laying on his shoulder or in his lap if you're tired. He'll be super appreciative of you organizing things when his mind gets too jumbled or he's just brooding.

I'm sick of people calling him lazy. I don't think he doesn't clean up because he doesn't want to- I think he's just overwhelmed most of the time / overstimulated to do anything if he's not in battle.

I strongly feel like he has some sort of ADHD, Depression and CPTSD due to his trauma. (Losing / killing his brother several times, his mother being killed, his father up and disappearing one day, losing his found family repeatedly: Grue, Nell, Jessica... etc)

He'd probably be super understanding of a neurodivergent s/o and be more than happy to "parallel play" in the shop. He reads his magazines on the couch with you while you read a book. Or he'll try to get some semblance of work done at his desk on the occasion while you watch your favorite tv show.

[bots-and-cons]

Heya, I just want to offer some advice on your vent post, bcs I struggle with similar problems regarding selfcare. Having sensory issues + depression and anxiety sucks, and here are some things that help me wrangle my own autistic brain into caring for myself;

Making food fucking sucks, but there are a bunch of stuff that can be eaten in a cup. I know ramen and soups in a cup can be a hit or miss depending on texture, but I found that they are one of the easiest ways to get something warm and not sweet into my body.

On that note oatmeal or muesli or cereal is an option. With oatmeal being a good neutral tasting but filling thing, that you can dump some sugar or salt or whatever in to achieve the taste. When I needed something sweet but filling, I would add sugar and cinnamon. Or some syrup if I wanted some fruity flavor.

Higiene is annoying to do, I can't express that enough. But wet wipes are a saviour in that regard. I use neutral non scented ones, and they help keep the private areas clean when showering is too taxing, and can also be used for a wipe down and a way to freshen up the armpits (I have a fear of stinking, so that helps me a bunch).

I buy them along with toilet paper. People don't care what we buy, and toiletries are on everyones shopping list, but buying stuff together helps me get my anxiety to shut up.

My oral hygene and sweet tooth are mortal enemies. I've got holes and crowns to prove it, so I started working on making brushing easier on my brain. I rinse my mouth with water a few times, and if brushing feels too hard, I put some toothpaste in my mouth and spread it around with my tongue.

It either gets me to grab the toothbrush or I atleast have a slightly fresher taste in my mouth. Surprisingly, I can force myself to eat way easier when my mouth doesn't feel gross.

My struggle was with auditory hallucinations before I got meds that worked, so yea, headphones are life saving when everything is. Extra loud.

The only thing helping me not to bust my hearing when things are REALLY bad, is that warning that shows up on the screen when I try to turn the noise up over the safe limit. It makes me pause, and instead change to some other music that holds my attention better.

I hope some of these help you. I wish I had more to offer, but I myself am also struggling with the piles of laundry and dishes so... Good luck to us both I guess. Putting music on and trying to go autopilot sometimes works for me.

I have no idea what a friendship of 18 years looks like, but your bff kind of reminds me of a friend I had in my hometown. It took me moving away and getting some perspective to realize she was friends with me for the benefits of homework and stuff, and p much nothing else. Or to make a joke at my expense and not get called out for it.

I don't know what you and your bff are like, but from my point of view, she doesn't sound like a best friend. Especially not one that is for Forever, because friends do not make us feel like shit.

It took me some years to learn that, and a good friend I met in the dorms, that helped me realize what kind of person I consider a good friend. Qualities I mean, and she has remained a prime example of a best friend for 8 years now.

This is getting way longer than I intended, but I hope its of some help.

Have a good day/night, and a cookie to help you battle with the stresses you're under 🍪

This is a great advice post tbh, and I'm going to be trying some of these I don't already do. I do have a couple of soups I make very well, even if it's a bit of pain, but then I'll have food for a couple of days. I sometimes eat oatmeal multiple times a week for many days straight, and then I forget about it for like two months, and then I do it again. I like to put some frozen berries into my oatmeal, but it can also be a bit of a hit or miss since the texture sometimes sucks.

Hygiene is indeed a pain in the ass. I learned about the thing with the wet wipes a while back, and I try to remember to use them when I don't want to shower. I have a big problem with actually remembering to do things, so I have to constantly remind myself. I've never been good with brushing my teeth, ever since I started doing it on my own when I was a kid. Since no one was making me do it, I didn't really bother to do it much. Also, it's sensory hell for me and if I try to brush my tongue it's make me gag. So that's fun.

I'm kinda the opposite with the volume thing, since I often feel like even one bar of volume is way too much, so I'm not at danger of hurting my ears, luckily.

I'm probably going to like week's worth of dishes today, and it fucking sucks. I know I shouldn't let them pile up, but I just can't wash them as they get dirty, because that would be every day and I only have so much energy. I know it's disgusting to let them sit for that long but I just can't manage sometimes. Kinda same with the laundry. Everything is piling up, but I'm gonna try to get them done again so I can focus on school stuff.

The friend thing is complicated. After I made that post, she answered my messages the next day, and we talked on the phone. As usual, I didn't really air out any of my concerns and how I felt, because I didn't want to upset her. I just keep swallowing my own feelings in favor of not upsetting someone else and it sucks sometimes. You're probably right about the whole thing tbh, my BFF and I are just both pretty codependent, and it's hard to let go, especially because I have no other friends "IRL" currently.

I hope you can get through whatever stress you're battling against, too. I really appreciate the advice, because it's something I can actually use and not just the "think positive" or "try not being so sensitive" crap.

[inkabelledesigns]

-holds head in hands- Girl I have been pushed around enough this month, oh my gosh.

New thing I'm discovering about myself: I have boundaries over leftover nights! I guess this isn't completely new, but I'm feeling it rather intensely tonight. At home, if I can't remember when something is from, I won't touch it, I will dispose of it because that probably means it's been in there too long and is a health hazard. But it is a whole different ball game when I'm at a family member's house. I've been visiting with some family lot this summer, and they're snowbirds. They stay in one place for the summer then another for the rest of the year. And when they're getting ready to fly, it means we have to clean out the fridge and freezer, which is hell on earth. They save everything, and while that's fine and dandy for them, you cannot feed me food from before I got here. I don't trust how long it's been in that fridge after this one particular incident with broccoli from them as a teenager, I won't do it. I'm too afraid of the mold and germs, whether they're real or not.

But they are so pushy about leftovers. They're pushy about food in general, and I tolerate it, because they're family, and I know they need to feel good about everyone being fed. But this is my boundary, this is the thing I won't let you push me on. I will not compromise, I will repeatedly hold my ground. You let me pick my leftovers and fill my plate myself. I don't want help, I will not let you slip things onto it that I can't verify the cook date of, no no no, I will not do it. Let me have some autonomy.

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of having to hold my ground, to the point where I want to cry. It's frustrating. I don't have a lot of hangups about food, I was praised as a child for being willing to try so much stuff and not being "picky". Which is saying something, I'm autistic, we have a reputation for that that is messy and often unkind. But regardless, I'm supposed to be "easy". But this is the thing I'm not easy about. I've done everything else right, I've been nothing less than graceful and agreeable and kind about every other social convention and thing I'm supposed to do with family. This makes me feel like I'm being punished. And this isn't the last time I have to deal with it. There's one more day of leftovers before I can finally be free. I hate feeling unsafe about food, that is literally one of the worst things to put me through. If I don't have security about that, I am a mess. I don't want to be a mess, I don't want to have another breakdown in front of people I love.

I've been getting pushed about all sorts of things all summer by a wide variety of people, and I can't take much more of it. I just want people to stop pushing me. I don't want to have to defend myself anymore, why is it so hard for some people to accept that no means no? I'm so anxious about the coming weekend, I'm about to be dealing with a different side of my family that has their own series of complications and social nuances to navigate. I want to see them, just like I wanted to see the side I've been seeing now, but I'm so, so tired. I can't take much more of this. I thought I was gonna be okay, but I think I need a little time to not be okay before I can socialize again, and I'm not going to get it, or at least, enough of it to recover in time.

The plus side is, soon I get to sleep in my own bed again, without worrying about waking anyone up. And that means I can be surrounded by all the plushies I desire. I want to hold my big ones very tightly. Just, gotta hang in there a little longer. We will get through this, we will be okay. Just, don't be surprised if I'm running on empty for a while.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health Update

I'm surprised by how glowing and clear my skin is. The only difference I made was taking the DIM Detox supplement and switching to reverse osmosis water. I also took some antibiotics which helped get rid of some infections. But those are gone - neck and ears completely healed. I do not have any rashes on my face and neck like I did weeks/months ago. My hands are clear and smooth with some cuts and some infection that's in the process of healing. They are itchy and I do rub them under hot water when I wash my hands, but they're also clear and smooth (feels like how they felt after I got my steroid shot and pills).

I would have never thought that excess estrogen is responsible for my eczema. I feel much much better now and I'm so happy. I thought it was a gut issue, but I guess not (not that gut health isn't important, but it wasn't the cause of my skin inflammation).

I am also slim and not bloated. I know DIM helps women lose weight, but I don't believe I have much at all to lose. Digestive enzymes help a lot with bloating.

I would imagine that some forms of birth control or even a hysterectomy would get rid of my eczema. But those are extreme (mostly hysterectomy), and I don't want to do any of those. My obgyn was more helpful with helping me clear my skin than my dermatologists. I definitely knew it was hormonal.

I've been taking the DIM for 2.5 weeks and I'll see how my skin improves with time. It's getting cooler now so I'm worried that the cold and dry weather might make my skin worse. I hope this doesn't happen.

I really like the reverse osmosis water. I think it does help health-wise. Getting organic food helps too, but I don't think it's possible to eat 100% organic. Nor is it possible to use 100% "clean products". I feel like naturally supporting key detoxing organs help. In this case it would be the liver because it plays a role in metabolizing and getting rid of excess estrogen (DIM helps it do that). The supplement is great, but of course I want to check with my doctor to see if it safe to take longterm. Unfortunately it's also pretty expensive.

I'm going to therapy tomorrow to discuss my diagnosis. I'm autistic and was diagnosed at a late age. And I want to get the support I was supposed to get decades ago.

I got a coffee today and some vegan cheese puffs. When it comes to "less than healthy stuff", I prefer having a small portion on the side than a whole treat. I had a mocha and brownie last week on Thursday and Friday. I think that's fine, but I would prefer to have a small treat. I did not finish my coffee and had a few sips because I just wasn't craving it. But overall my diet is pretty health and rich in fiber, protein, fats, vitamins, and minerals. I would say I eat 80-20 at this point. Not 100-0. I would not necessarily say I eat very low sugar either. I think my diet is an improvement because I used to order milkshakes and McDonald's years ago during COVID. I recently used to order pizza and sandwiches often, which are rich in processed white bread which is loaded with sugar, as well as inflammatory oils and I'm sure the sauces had hidden sugars. I now eat out less and eat less sugar, just not 0% sugar. And I'm still fine.

Today I remembered the days when Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, and Twitter were popular when I was in school and why I didn't have a lot of friends and people messaging and interacting with me. I always had less than 200 Facebook friends. I now realize it's because I'm autistic. Of course I never deserved social exclusion. but it's just something I remembered and considered.

I will heal mentally and get the support I need as an autistic woman.

In the past there were times where my blood sugar was great. I think what helps with it is 2 things, maybe even 3. (1) being at a healthy weight, (2) minimizing stress (fasting raised my blood sugar), and (3) physical activity (walking and light body circuits). I used to follow Rachael Attard's programs and her workouts were designed that way. I remember doing her programs and was at a healthy weight and my blood sugar levels were great. Though I was depressed back then and I was eating a lot of sugar and junk. I don't want to eat a lot of junk and don't want to be depressed and stressed. I'm at a healthy weight now and am putting less stress on my body because I'm not fasting everyday anymore. However I can go back to walking (I used to walk for an hour back then) and doing some light body circuits. I want to avoid anything heavy and challenging like HIIT or lifting because I tend to overeat when I do those.

I have experienced more physical stress from undereating than from overexercising in the past. For example, calorie restriction or fasting will cause more stress and inflammation than doing workouts focused on weighs and HIIT. I feel like I can continue with the anti-inflammatory diet and cycle fasting and definitely walk and do some sweaty pilates. I know this will help with my metabolic health, which is already great (blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, etc...). But exercise will help even more with my sugar profile.

[holding-monsters-hands]

Hii!! Im new here and i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of some tf2 men(Medic, Sniper and Engie(they have stolen my heart<3)) with a s/o/reader that has sensory issues. Basically certain textures (both with food and touch) can make them super uncomfortable and gross feeling. Like squirmy and rapidly shaking hands in the "Oh god it touches me!" kind of gross.

I have adhd and sensory issues so it can get pretty intense with how drastic my reactions can be when I touch or eat something icky to me. I tend to get very clammy and jumpy with i touch something icky. I wonder how the mercs would handle/help their s/o when they struggle with this issue?

Sorry if this is too much or something you aren't comfortable with, you dont have to do it if thats the case! Either way i hope you have a good day or night! Thanks anyways.

Welcome! it’s wonderful to have you! I am more than okay with prompts like these, as I am autistic and id like to create as much rep for us as possible! so this is definitely right up my alley!

also idk about y’all but FUCK sherpa textured clothes it sends me into an immediate rage- also chalk against sidewalks, chalk in general actually.

Medic, sniper, + engineer with an s/o that has sensory issues

Medic:

Thankfully with his medical knowledge, this is something he is quite familiar with!

He usually tries to warn you if he can tell a texture will bother you, he has a mental note of the things that will overstimulate you. However if for some reason you have no choice and you need to touch that thing, he’ll give you his (clean) gloves! they’re nice and thick, so you won’t be able to feel it! however if the gloves can also prove to be too much, he’ll just help you out and grab the source of your discomfort so you don’t have to.

If you touch anything icky he INSTANTLY carries you over to the nearest sink so you can wash your hands and get rid of that nasty feeling as much as you can.

He also never shies away from giving you emotional support, even if it’s as something as simple as cheering you up when you start to panic over touching something uncomfortable- he considers it to be no problem whatsoever!

Sniper:

Oh he feels so bad for you, he just wishes he could take away all the bad textures just so you don’t have to struggle so much.

He will never invalidate your issues- he loves you too much for that, and he’ll be happy to comfort or aid you in any way he can- just say the word!

He’s obviously no expert in any of this, and he may slip up from time to time and forget about certain textures that bother you, however you can absolutely see how hard he tries to help you and just overall make life a bit easier.

For these reasons, he does not allow you to wash dishes or do any chore that requires you to touch something icky or uncomfortable- his hands are pretty much made for getting the dirty work done anyways!

Engineer:

He refuses to let you touch anything that may trigger your sensory issues, he will insist to handle it himself- he can’t let his sunshine go through something so stressful!

He may end up becoming a bit of a mother hen about it, he’s just so worried about seeing you in any sort of discomfort- you may have to tell him to tone it down a bit..!

He really does just want to help, just tell him your methods of coping with your sensory issues and he’ll do everything he can to use them to your advantage!

But similar to medic, he might just get you some gloves! he knows he can’t hide you away from all the bad feelings in the world, but he can at least help you fight against them.

[mcalhenwrites]

I am still alive but have no spoons to directly reply to anyone right now. I'm working on stuff with roommate and therapy, but... unless the money situation improves, my life won't. There are no good days to return to. The problem is, I have a collective 39 years that have added to nothing. And I have still tried to be optimistic. To work through the chronic pain to write, work, and be there for my friends when they need me. (But it all gets harder the more time that passes.) When people still say I'm a good friend, I'm baffled. I don't see it. My writing isn't working out. I need it to, or I will not survive financially, and it just seems a little cruel to ask me to hold out and hold out for something that's never going to happen - all so I can die the hardest possible way in the end, bc I fought like hell to still be at the bottom. I'm not currently suicidal, but I'm pretty much just going day-by-day, trying to find improvements and realizing it all comes down to the same issue: I have no money. And the issue isn't "fix health to work more at a job that isn't writing" - I can manage fibromyalgia and IBS, and the latter costs money to obtain the correct food to do so. I qualify for medicaid; I don't qualify for food assistance now that I work a job! I quit crochet and people threw a tantrum, and if you want to see my self-defensive "I CANNOT DO THIS AND WILL NOT AND FUCK OFF" as a tantrum... go ahead. I do not give a fuck. I love writing. I did it even when I knew it was awful, bc I figured the more I did it, the more I would improve. I worked hard. It just isn't good enough for the world. That's okay. I have always been a loser at everything. Everything ties back to writing: I need to do it for my comfort and therapy. I want my stories out there bc I want to be able to offer other people that comfort. Too many of us come from abusive households, and some of us had it shape our mental health and our sexualities. I need to publish to make money to survive, bc I can write while bedridden. I can write while most of my body is sore and my eyes are half-closed and I'm bored but unable to play games or read or clean or anything else due to physical pain/exhaustion. (And yes, there are times writing is also impossible, and I'm crying in bed bc of the pain intensity levels.) Unless you have a chronic pain issue coupled with comorbidities, I don't want your lectures or assumptions. I don't want to hear that there is "help" while I watched the system try to push my autistic brother into a goodwill job that falls below min wage, and when he wasn't able to handle the responsibilities, they've basically refused to help him otherwise. Even though my brother is capable of many things, he is "disabled" in the system, and they want to insert him into a fixed situation they put all disabled people. I'm doing better than him financially, but when my parents go, he has no one. And I can't be that person, ever. I can't even get my dog back right now. I can barely afford to visit him, but I'm going to anyway soon bc I need to hug him or I really will fucking off myself. I need a lot of support to get my writing off the ground, and I'm never going to deserve it. If I did, it would have happened by now. My roommate wants me to keep trying, but... I don't have hope it'll work out. Right now, I'm so overworked I can barely get any writing done. And I'm working about 15 hours a week. At a low-demand job where I sit most of the time, and cleaning maybe takes 40 minutes at its WORST. Yeah. I'm pathetic indeed. I can't help but feel that way. And when I give myself a little treat to survive the next day, it's at a steep cost to my future. I can buy a book and go to the library, but at the end of the day, that's all time and money that should have been spent on work and saving. Life is punishing, and I just don't know if I can keep being punished. I'm not even this kind of masochist lol

[blubushie]

do u just name the guns/knives or do u name other stuff too (i'm asking respectfully)

Ok, since you come respectful I'll answer respectful.

Getting this out of the way: I'm autistic. Object personification is a symptom of autism. It is something I have. This paper will be very sad if you don't read it. I will also be referring to people as "humans" throughout this to separate from my own concept of "people."

I'm an extremely low empathy autistic, plus some other things. While I'll see non-human things as people, I also don't really see humans as people. It's more like watching animals go about their natural behaviours. I'm an outsider looking in, taking notes on behaviour and interactions within the community. I don't think of humans as any different from the animals I observe and hunt. We're all just organisms. Humans are people with our own place in the food chain, try as we might to rise above it. There is me, a person. There is Misty, a person. Once I get to know another human well, they become a person to me instead of just another animal.

Only ones this doesn't apply to is kids. I'm horribly empathetic to kids. Teenagers are on thinner ice but still get empathy. But kids fuck me up hard. If something happens to a child I'll be fucked up for days.

This doesn't mean I go around being an arsehole, because I'm polite and learnt a long time ago and that no one will ever really understand my perspective on how I see other people. They'll call you a monster, a freak, a psychopath, etc. They'll think you want to harm humans, or that you're a bad person because you don't see other humans with the same personhood as you see yourself, or say you dehumanise humans. And I don't reckon I dehumanise humans, because all of humanity is like this to me. Additionally, while I'm low-empathy, I'm not a fucking sadist. I don't want anything to suffer. Shots I take on animals are clean and accurate--ethical and humane. I try to have the same approach with people. If someone is in distress, I am going to help them because that's the right thing to do. I might not personally care about the person, but I will help them because it's good to be kind. Sometimes that means I put up with a lot more shit than I should.

When I get close enough to someone, I start seeing them as people. Those in my server, my mates, my family. If I become emotionally attached to something, my empathy starts working and they become a person to me. But this also means that anything with sentimental value to me is now granted personhood. Misty is a person. My rifle, Winnie, is a person. My knife, Kaz, is a person. My stockwhip Stozza, my ute Matilda (though really, Matilda is the camper and not the rig itself). These are all people to me. They have emotions and feelings and this paper will be very sad if you don't read it.

And when something is granted personhood, I grant it a name. There's a reason everyone in my server--my friend group--is given a nickname by me, even if most of them don't know what I've given them. There's a reason my rifle and knife and car have names. There's a reason my dog has a name. People have names.

When I first got Winnie at twelve, she was just my gun. "Can I bring my gun?" No, Jet, we don't bring guns to Macca's. "I'll leave it in the car. I just wanna bring it." I didn't wanna let her out of my sight. She was my pride and joy, even then. And later that year, after I was assaulted, there was days I'd spend shooting tins out behind our caravan, and she was the only thing that made me feel like I had any power over my life. Because she felt powerful. She made me feel safe--like if ever I needed to, I could protect myself. She couldn't change what had happened to me, but so long as she was by my side I was sure it'd never happen to me again.

When I was fifteen and went bush, I brought her with me. .30-06 is fucking overkill for rabbits, but I shot a roo with her and the meat lasted me the whole near-three weeks I was out there until the coppers found me 60km from Ghan. She kept me alive, because I didn't bring enough food for three weeks. To be fair, leaving was an impulse decision and I was also 15 at the time, but still. Her dedication to me then was rewarded with her going from a gun to my most beloved companion, and being granted the name Winnie.

They took her when I was taken into custody, and I wouldn't talk to the detective until he assured me I'd get her back once I left the copshop. I went directly from the copshop into a mental facility, but she was there at the detective's house when he pulled me out of it.

By the time I was 17 and going to high school in rural California, I was in the school carpark when I noticed one of the boys at my school had a semi-auto shotty on the rack in his ute. So on the drive home I stopped by our local gunshop and immediately bought a gunrack for my back window, which is where Winnie rests now when she's not locked in her safe in Matilda or by the door.

Eventually Kaz went from "dad's knife" to "the KA-BAR", then back to "my knife" cuz KA-BAR is a mouthful, then finally to Kaz. By the time I'd bought my camper for my ute, I'd come to terms with sometimes people just Name Things when they get attached. And as I was 17, going on 18, and homeless at the time, I immediately named her Matilda.

When I became a stockman I wasn't given a station knife because I had Kaz and told them I didn't need one, but I was given my stockwhip and after it was used on me I finally gave it the name Stozza. And sometimes I take it out and crack it a couple times just so it's not sitting there coiled in a box at the bottom of my wardrobe.

The pronouns comes with the name territory. I just get a certain vibe off things, if that makes sense? Winnie is, without a doubt, feminine to me. Kaz is feminine to me. Stozza is masculine, but I usually find myself calling him an "it" instead of masculine pronouns because while I'm attached to it for sentimental reasons, it's not quite reached a level of personhood with me yet.

Anyway, hope that covers things. Cheers.

[asbestos-11]

i'd like to think ratio has both autism and ocd and that both feed into each other in the worst ways.

disclaimer: cw for discussion of ocd rituals (i try to not get into them too much just bcs they can be triggering to some). i have both ocd and autism and this mostly stems from my experiences with the two and yours might not be the same, so please be respectful. and lastly none of this is canon (even if i used canon as a basis) and is just my headcanon.

1st of all my reading of him as having ocd comes primarily from his book cleaning idle, his hobbies voice line and his about headpiece voice line (the latter also supporting the autism hc). is it a stretch? yes it probably is. but is it valid to read him that way? yes it is.

i specifically think ratio would have contamination ocd and a little bit of checking behaviours (as in having to check if you've closed the stove and doing so multiple times otherwise something bad will happen). so my reading of him stems primarily from these two types of ocd (that and i also personally struggle with contamination ocd so it's also projection).

in any case i like to think he has a set rigid routine for himself partially because it's comforting having predictable days and partially because if it were to change something bad would happen to him.

his headpiece both serves a self regulatory function and as a way to stop the contamination from happening. only really taking of the mask at home where it's "safe" and near trusted people.

i like to think that he's a nightmare to cook for because of his sensory issues stemming from autism and his ocd rearing it's ugly head. food must never touch each other, otherwise it's poisoned and it's now inedible. separate cutlery must be used for different courses. all the while his sensory issues fuel his compulsions thus making it all worse.

he cleans himself religiously, often spending several minutes just washing his hands, while his baths are unreasonably long (as it's his one activity that brings comfort and offers him a chance to relax fully). as a consequence his skin on his hands is usually irritated and cracked and hand creams help only minimally (the damage too extensive to be repaired by creams).

his compulsions directly feed into his autism and his tendencies in turn fuel his ocd. and so it goes in a cyclical manner until he has a meltdown and it all comes crashing down on him.

on that note i would like to say that ocd and autism are often comorbid and if one is already neurodivergent the likelihood of having an anxiety disorder does indeed get higher. as autistic people are more likely to face anxiety from their needs not being met (ie they aren't allowed to stim freely as it's seen as weird) and the general experience of masking. ocd is an anxiety disorder, one that preys on your fears and makes you act in irrational ways to soothe the fear. obsessions leading to compulsions which directly alleviate anxiety but in the long run cause harm to the individual. your compulsions, due to their ritualistic nature, feed into your autism as they become a routine, thus making you not want to deal with them. thus a feedback loop is made and congrats you're now fucked.

and think of the good doctor who helps others, being stuck in his own form of hell, unable to help himself overcome is, as it would feel like ripping himself apart. imagine how it would feel to at the same time be overstimulated and in the throes of massive anxiety, but not being allowed to self regulate and/or being barred from engaging in compulsions. to at the same time having to deal with a world that doesn't understand you and oftentimes activelly hurting you.

in any case he's one of my favorite characters so he gets to be blessed with my own neurodivergencies. ah veritas ratio blorbo from my game i am very proud to bestow upon thee the honor of being a true aucd warrior. fly high king

[kisekisreblogspage]

Rainbow friends Head cannons 3/3

Ok, i've been procrastinating over this for a long time, i shuld end this series

Ok here we go-

Cyan (from Rainbow friends)

Lets talk abaut Cyan, i like to think that she was suppose to be a acuatic beeing when she was created, but she somehow grew legs (it kinda reminds me to someone...).

When the gang found out she was a girl they all whent wild like:

"O MY LORD! I have never seen a Girl Before!" (Blue)

"What does it likes!? How does it taste?! Does the rumores are True?!"

"Rumors? What rumors?"

"It is sayd that Girls smells good"

"wow! A girl... Just- WOW! A GRIL"

"mewn"

"I KNOW RIGTH!? IT IS LITTERALY NOT A BOY!! Do you think she wuld like to run?"

"But wait... what is the diference between a girl and a boy?"

"maybe is the smell"

"maybe is the softhness..."

"maybe is the voice!"(Blue)

"Namlnamandnafnna"

"Or maybe that thing..."

"What thing?"

"In between the legs....

[Silence]

"NAHHHHHHHHH"

"It is imposible" (Blue)

Red got to explain them abaut that later on.

So, yea, what does she likes...? A lot of things! She in fact has a list of every thing that she likes! She also likes lists, but she does not write those Lists, she has them inside her head! She is very organized in there! Such good memorie and attention to detalle are well praised by Red. Wait... this means... that she... is Red's secretary! Or well third secretary, the frist one is Blue (he's the one that informs abaut the Intruders and damages in the Frist lab, also the one that helps in rebuild that place if needed) and second one is Purple (informs abaut intruders and damage in Odd World, also helps in cleaning and restorage of the place). So yea she is the one that remind Red abaut important stuff and the well beeing of the whole facility, the whole Family and even if there are minor/Major issues anywere she remind Red everyting. Such a detallist. Even explains on how she thinks some things in the facility culd be fixed. Now she is a genious, if Red Had a mounth he wuld drop it on the floor. (She culd own the facility, if Red dies)

As you migth notice in here is that she is giving some autistic tropes. Becuase (in my head cannon) she is! like to think that she is not aware of her autism but everyone knows! And trates her so nicely and patiently especially Yellow(i don't have Yellow colored letters sorry!) He is basicly a few monts older than her, so she looks up to him, but also for Blue because she thaugt that Blue was her mom because theyr colours were alike. (Imagine! Just... imagine)

Now she is clearly in the Asperger Especteum, so yea, she is a sueper Genious, she suprised Red, and that is quite dificult and now she is something so inportant yet so beloved for him. (Yea, i got some softh silly odd blorbos instead of the murderous mutants that they actually are, this is why i am doing thsese head cannons) because is one of the few things keeping him from crazzynes (the rest are his children (the lookies), Green, and his secret lover)

Now, lets go back on the things that she likes. Lets dive in her funky wunky lil' head!:

Bugs, especially the ones that are int the cucojoidea family (ladybugs), but has also an interest in ants

Lists

The rainbow ("look you guys! Its a picture of us!"(Cyan)

Genétics and some lab functions

Calm music

Red's lab coat

Long walks

Blue's shenanigans

Open places (she feels claustrophobic in very small places, she is huge)

Shiny things

The confy pillows that Green Has

The smell of blood food

Moving things (she likes to know what is that and why is it moving

Mocking Yellow because he is funny when he is mad

Purple's weird talks

Rain

Orange

(The list keeps going down

This all in that exact order, she will get Real mad if you missplace some of her likes she says that the things that she likes the most are at the top, and it gess less and less interesting for her as the list keeps on going down

Her shennaningas are basicly bugs, so if you ever meet her she will infodump you abaut Ladybugs and everyting you need to know abaur these, but then she will apologise, becuase she know you didn't asked (this is becuase of orange, yea he can be real mean withaut wanting to, don't worry thoug, he was scholed by everyonelater that day)

Now, going back to the part that i told you abaut Cyan thinking that Blue was her mom.

The day that Red presented her to the whole Family she was a baby, she saw Blue and went like "mma-m~?" (She developed faster than annyone, because... girl...) And scince that day she tough that Blue was her mom for 6 years. Until Green Explained her that Blue is Her brother... not her mom, "because they born becuase the same guy in the same machina and"- yea she cryed... but then she understood everyting and live trough it, she is still very atached to him

And Abaut Blue, he was completly in love with her (love, like Parents, you know) he was willing to even wear a wig for her and be her male mother, he is really good with childreen, so he always took good care of her, and even called her Princes. (if he was the king, she is going to be the princes) and gave her a lil' crown (just imagine! "Here upon yee, Your Queen n' King be. Rejoice all! REJOICE!"(Blue) *party Honks at the distance* *aplauses and praises by everyone* lol) the only one who wasn't happy abaut this was Yellow, he also, is very atached by Blue, his jealousnes was HUGE, he pushed her sometimes, made her cry on purpose, hid her and only be there with Blue. So yea, Cyan mocking on him it is just karma over Yellow beeing a brat towards Cyan. Blue enjoys some of that, but also knows were stuff had gone too far

Theyr literally siblings lol

So yea, this is the end of this series... perhaps... becajse i have too many head cannons, i shuld have done a post abaut every single one of them separatly but here we are.

I hope you liked this tomfoolery of mine, i probably even do some head cannon abaut the others even! Who knows!

K, this is all, bye

[xxx-sir-pentious-xxx]

A Date For Pay.

Clean, wholesome time with a escort and yes I am seriously going to write more stuff.

The mink sinner was nervous, she had been a escort for years now and been rather sure of herself in most situations. But that's because most who paid for her services were simple folks and not giant venomous snakes.

Regardless she made sure to be pretty and fresh scented, fluffing her fur and reading the special request that she dress modestly. She plucked up a knee cut dress with a jacket to cover her exposed shoulders.

She packed extra protection and a switch blade, just in case he decided to try to eat her. I mean with what happened a few days ago she had to be careful. 4 rodent girls getting eaten would scare anyone.

Regardless she'd soon be collected from the club where the others would wait for their own customers.

Eventually a tall black and yellow cobra arrived, showing proof he was the one before guiding her to a custom motor bike.

The build of it was fascinating, made to safely wrap the tail around it with a glass case around where hed wrap around to avoid fall off or debris coming to scratch up or cut his tail. And best of all, there was space to sit a average biped.

"Do you think itss cool? I made it becausse I read women love Motorcycless... I think itss cool at leasst.", he spoke as if he was defending his choice despite not really needing to. It was a pretty sick bike.

He helped the short mink girl onto the bike before getting in/on, also taking the precaution to get her to hold into his waist. Her small hands could feel he had a really nice set of muscles under that really silly... cool guy? Outfit? Whatever hes pretty hot still and is on a motorcycle.

With all that thought on motor bikes and fashion though she didn't notice them pulling up to a restaurant, it seemed like a place for animal sinners.

The snake man happily got out/off his bike and retrieved her safely so they could walk in. Hand in hand,

"What's your name? Mine is Mina.", she asked having not read it from the paper before coming here.

"You can call me Penni, my name isss a bit of a mouthful and really wasss insspired for battle. Thiss isss jussst a nice time out, so I think youd agree keeping in sssimple iss right. Right?"

She softly agreed and internally tried not to laugh at his heavy Sss everytime he got caught on the letter S.

They got a booth together and Mina watched Penni wrap his tail around the tables stand that was bolted like 8 times specifically for this type of thing.

Menus were given and she tried to not get her hopes up on ordering for herself, but he insisted so she ordered some fish and water. Minks loved fish.

He ordered something with rabbit in the title which freaked her out but she quickly remembered theres fush sinners here, shed be a hypocrite judging him, it's not like he ordered mink.

While waiting Penni talked at her about his machinery and how it works and selling some patents for thousands, he was shy but kept talking as she indulged his special interests.

"Are you Autistic Penni?"

He paused his excited chatter to process that and asked,

"What is that? Everyone keeps asking that.."

Now Mina was explaining it and was also getting lost in explaining and filling the air with talking. Needless to say there two autistic people in the room and their currently on a date, er 'date'.

They soon got their food and ate quietly, simply because they ran out of chatter for the moment.

Dinner was done pretty fast and the two happily left to go to Pennis place. She was not told it was a airship. Just a big fuckin airship. She tried to prepare herself to do her thing but was completely shut down on any exciting encounter. Just wrapped in a blanket after he took her jacket so he could cuddle her and watch Voxflix.

It felt nice.

He played with her hair and kissed on her forehead making Mina blush and feel safe, safe enough to sleep..

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.