#authenticbipolar

[iamthesanctuarian]

Tragic Labels

This isn't a normal post of mine. Of course I don't post on a normal timeline, I haven't felt like writing for quite a while. This now is just an impulse, to get this knot out of my chest. Free up my heart chakra. Get some release, some relief. I feel sad for us humans, almost all walking around with big weight in our chest, heavy hearts.

I try to stay upbeat... I desire to be a source of inspiration, or at least thought-provoking. There are so many new paradigms to consider, and I feel a deep need or desire (I'm not sure which) to help anyone I can, and thereby myself as well, to understand and delve into these paradigms. It truly is a huge paradigm shift that is affecting our planet now, with some difficult and anxiety-provoking mayhem; but behind the smokey smog and broken hearts there is emerging a new 'us'. Humanity is evolving, in a very positive direction, but the old energy is fighting hard core. It is quite literally the Light versus the Dark. The Force (Star Wars) is real, in a manner of speaking. The Life Force (call it Chi, Prana, Holy Spirit...) works very much like the movie. But that's not what I got this thing out to write about.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar at age 19. Had always been a moody, emotional child, depressed often, suicidal by the time I was in the 7th grade. Many reasons, many layers, I know many, many, MANY people relate to these feelings. WIthout my explaining them.

When I started to let myself write on this Tumblr thing, I was just barely convinced that it would have any value. But as I wrote, truly with my heart and soul, I found the value. It was in the relief I get spilling my guts, putting thoughts down, laying out dots that maybe one or two people might benefit from connecting. But like all good bipolars, I ebb and flow. Ebbs usually last longer. So this little blog is disjointed, and I don't mind. Because of what I get out of it. It's not attention. I really doubt many people, if any, will read this. But I get to say things. I get to tell my story, share the dots I have connected, put the energy out there of vulnerability and strength

I've reached a point of awkwardness that I recognize well: my beliefs are changing again. It's a good thing, a) that I know this awkwardness well and I have come to understand that it always comes before an energetic change, usually for the better, and b) this energy must change because the beliefs I currently hold don't fit the vastness of what is happening to me, and to us all. It's simply time to inlcude this 'mental illness' part of my existence as part of my journey, instead of trying to sneak around it hoping the 'Great Shift in Consciousness' will even me out. Lighting the way for others does in fact light my own path, but it really lights up what I need to face on my path in ways I was trying not to see. I'm a healer. I'm a Light Beacon. And I've aimed the healing and light at others, avoiding myself. This must change, or I can't move forward. I won't hide my darkness, my shadow, and pretend that I am simply here to serve humanity despite my own challenges. That's just BS.

My challenges need attention, and I am worthy of my own time and effort. So this blog is going to be soooo bipolar (by which I mean talking about the gooood stuff on earth, while not shying away from the bad). Why? Because AUTHENTICITY is where I'm at in my growth. On my personal path. I want to be AUTHENTIC. Everything I've ever written was real and true, from my depths. Now, I just choose not to exclude the fact that I barely make it through every day. Barely. But that is changing, and that is the change I want to share with others who were labaled at some point with a mental illness, and who just want to get through these changes like anyone else, but not in the way that the "OLD ENERGY" has told us to, has led us to, the doctors' repititions and all the pills.......... UGGGGGH the pills. The Violet Flame, LITERALLY, works so much better.

But hey, I was getting HUGELY MAJORLY F*****G PISSED OFF at the drug companies, for what I will explain later, that even got me started on a journey of self-awareness, self-healing. Everything I've written on this blog is so very true. None of it has changed... well, my understanding of some of it has expanded, but it is all very real. I simply hit a wall, which was my own denial of my personal body chemistry, and how you have to put incredible effort into it if you want to change that chemistry. I do. I will. I have already begun.

So my intention now is to have this space to spill my guts, get it out of me; share my experience of the Shift as someone who has en energetic (ENERGETIC!!!) imbalance (aka mental illness) and is aiming to redefine the definitions and protocals for mental illness. If someone needs to read it, their guides will lead them to it. If no one reads this, it's so ok, because it just feels so fucking good. Authentic doesn't use ******* what was I thinking. (:grin:)

Yeah, Spirits really don't mind if you swear. God doesn't mind. In fact, my guide Erik swears like ... a 20 year old moto-lover. Love you E. And ALLLLL my souptroupe, my roottroupe, my rainbowtroupe.... these troupes are my spirit tribe. I've spoken about some of them. I'll be including both my inner world (where the spirituality emerges, for me) and outer world, the bipolar living on a hill of Eden on a beautiful Island surrounded by Gaia. Blessed woman, Heavy heart. Finally claiming my Bipolar Tribe. We need a new name for bipolar though. cuz........ it sure as hell ain't just two poles.