#aubrey plaza is making me feel too many things

[patchodraws]

so anyways agatha all along is unfairly good???

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 1 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

do you think it took Rio a long time to choose her revenge dress? did she agonize over every detail? I picture her process like, okay I need an outfit that says fuck you (threatening) but also fuck you (horny) and fuck me (very horny) and then circle all the way back to FUCK YOU THOUGH (VERY threatening)

as to why Rio goes from super soft to *that* - I see it as the equivalent of the TV trope where someone almost dies and their loved one is very concerned, but as soon as there's no danger they slap them around the head and call them a fucking idiot. this is Rio's WELCOME HOME, CHEATER moment (Agatha has been kiiiind of been cheating death, lbr)

this is the best way rio could choose to approach agatha too, and not only because it lets her express all that pent up anger. what would be the alternative? sit Agatha down and have a honest chat? Rio knows her too well, she knows it would be simply too much. Agatha *is* more comfortable with big bombastic scenes, with violence that is a lot like foreplay. Rio is looking out for her right now, she is making it as easier for Agatha as she can, while also not letting her get away with her bullshit any longer.

one little sentence, so many ways to read it

only physically. she's not letting you in. not anymore. you'll have to save her from herself kicking and screaming. dear god she's actually honestly crying. this is a WHOLE fucking deal. and it's also the first time she sees Rio while knowing WHO rio is. she's feeling all the feelings

girls. GIRLS. how am I supposed to take decent screenshots if you keep flinging each other at walls. keep STILL! (look at the furniture btw, isn't it a bit curved? I think they're still using a fisheye lens. reality is still shifting. almost as if we're in the presence of an otherworldly being)

oh the metaphor of it. sometimes you just have to reach out and connect, even if you get hurt in the process.

BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SHIELDING FOR SO LONG TO HIDE FROM PAIN. OH MY GOD. did a 2000s emo kid write this

every other MCU fight wishes it were this perfect storm of hot and emotionally devastating

Rio cannot physically kill Agatha, it's not allowed, she's only the collector. So what is she trying to do, exactly? Has Agatha really been cheating death for so long that Rio has no choice but to bring her in? Or is she not here to collect at all and this is just her way to get back at her ex (and possibly win her back)? I adore both options, they're tragic in different ways.

time to bullshit! time to bolt! time to get to that escape route! this is what Agatha does best. anything but face the truth

funny how agatha usually has no problem looking undignified. it's almost like this is not the point at all. so let's review: wanda has stripped agatha of the powers that have been keeping her hidden from rio. rio comes over to confront her - and not kill her, she wouldn't be allowed anyway. she does it in a way that agatha would find less scary than having a mature convo. still, agatha has to face things she's been escaping for so long and it's simply too horrifying, too overwhelming. the fact that she's joking around so much (while her future conversations with rio will be sad, soft, dramatic) tells you just how scared and how miserable she is. She's begging rio to stop, because even fighting and flirting, which is their comfort zone, is proving too much. And what does rio do? She listens and goes away. only temporary, she won't let her off the hook now that she has found her. but she's still willing to go at Agatha's pace.

aubrey plaza I would die for your evil little face

can I just say that agatha trying to flirt right now is devastating? she is at the end of her rope. she does NOT want rio to stay, doesn't trust herself around her in so many ways. but she knows how much rio wants her and just... she tries to manipulate her with flirting. it's a desperate gamble, completely undignified, completely in character for agatha. she offers herself to rio, but only physically. when what they had was infinitely more than that, it was beautiful, it was sacred.

and rio... forgives her. she laughs another one of her little soft laughs and lowers the blade. plaza is so good here, the way she says "okay, agatha," is a perfect blend of resentment and tenderness. she knows agatha better than anyone ever had or ever will. she knows why she does everything she does. and she follows her lead. one last time.

agatha's relief. she's trembling, deflated but still on her guard. she looks completely traumatized. the masterpiece that this scene is: you feel smart when you realize that they're flirting rather than fighting. when it finally dawns on you the real weight of their encounter... it's too late.

"by the way there's a bunch of scary witches after you and I totally want them to kill you, that's why I'm telling you exactly who they are and when they're coming"

agatha tries with all her might to believe that rio is heartless. because anger is easier than sadness.

we're leaning, we're leaning, we're leaning!

rio licking agatha's wound to heal it perfectly encapsulates her feelings: anger, horniness, and infinite tenderness. what a power move. rio was the one in control this whole scene, and it wrecked agatha.

"te veo" (I'm gonna go scream in a pillow)

she's gone, honey, she's gone. breathe.

Billy walking on the two of them having sex would have been less awkward than this

she was a BIT preoccupied, kid

and episode 1 is in the bag!

next stop: IT'S LILIA TIME

go to episode 2 part 1

[1425fivefive]

Fic Writer Interview 💕

tagged by @lovelylotusf1 & @foggieststars tysm for the tags 💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

9, which is a surprise to me. I swear I can only remember 3 things I've written at any given time. Every other fic does not exist to me.

What's your total AO3 word count?

126,149. I don't wanna talk about how much time I've spent writing this year (I haven't finished a book since July 🙃)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Don't Want Your Sympathy, Just Your Company (1,259)

Sexy to Someone (Is All I Really Want) (631)

Be Sweet for Me (Only Me) (631)

Feline Fever (575)

I Wouldn't Ask You (To Take Care of Me) (496)

To this day, I'm so surprised by how popular Sexy to Someone is (my first completed fic, featuring Carcar). Like the fact that it has equal kudo to my most popular Lestappen fic shocks me every time.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, always! I'm always so stunned and grateful someone's taken the time to leave a comment about my writing that like ... it would make me so sad not responding to them.

Sometimes it takes me longer, especially when they're comments on older fics, just because I don't really remember fics after I've written them (object permanence issues I guess) and I have to go back and reread a bit of it, especially if the comment is engaging with something specific about the fic

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Lmao as if I could write an angsty ending. Maybe Sexy to Someone, because it's sort of ambiguous what Oscar and Carlos's relationship is at the end of the fic (even though the sequel makes it clear these two bitches are certainly mutually obsessed and made for each other). But I just need people to be happy. I didn't realize I was such a romantic until I started writing fic

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Don't Want Your Sympathy. Oscar asking Lando, "I'm hoping to have you forever, if you'll let me," and Lando saying, "Forever sounds pretty good to me"?? This is the closest I will ever get to writing engagement or marriage in any of my fics

Do you write crossovers?

No!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never, probably because I lock all my fics. I only receive hate for the opinions about drivers that people project onto me lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I recently posted about how I feel like I should only write smut, so. Yes. I genuinely tried writing a fic without any smut (my Landoscar genie fic which is only 1,000 words away from being finished) but I got so bored and fed up I had to shelve it. I just. Love writing about sex and desire and shame and wanting someone so badly it makes you kind of wretched and pathetic. I would describe most of my smut as dealing with the mortifying ordeal of being known. Like the terrifying intensity of finding someone who fully matches your freak

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

This is so insane, but my friend and I in uni wrote joke fanfic about ... our lives starring like vaguely fictional versions of ourselves and people we had crushes on. We only shared it with each other and honestly like ... lock us up. She wrote me a fic for my birthday about me having a threesome with Aubrey Plaza and Adam Brody. Like we were really unwell

What's your all-time favorite ship?

All-time ship for me for years was Veronica and Logan from Veronica Mars, and it probably still is if I manage to completely ignore season 4. Within F1, my favorite ship to read is probably Galex or Maxiel (the quality of fic is just so high in those ships), but my favorite to write is Landoscar. I just think Landoscar are kind of pathetic losers (affectionate) around each other and it suits so many different tones in fics. A rich canon to draw from etc. etc.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Too many. Probably my Lestappen exes-to-lovers vacation fic. I realized it was just like ... too much work for a fic I wasn't that invested in. I might condense it and turn it into a oneshot with a few flashbacks interspersed.

What are your writing strengths?

Characterization and smut. Like I truly find writing sex so easy. And characterization (for most people, I find Charles weirdly hard) comes pretty easily just because I watch a lot of videos and like imagining how people would respond to different situations

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot plot plot. I hate planning fics. I have vibes and ideas and scenes and themes, but I despise figuring out how to get from point A to point B. Especially because I'll be writing a fic and think, "He would not fucking say that," but I need him to say it to make the plot work. So then I end up scrapping the plot because I can't bear to have people act out of character

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Lmao I get such secondhand embarrassment when I read my Carcar fics. Why was I having Carlos say those things? (My excuse is that my partner speaks Spanish and uses a lot of those nicknames for me so ... write what you know and all that)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek Next Generation. I wrote a full screenplay of an episode when I was like nine where the ship computer became sentient and took over the ship

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Norstappen. I need it. I need to write it so bad. I just wrote a scene between Lando and Max in Learned Behavior (my current wip) and ... oh my god their dynamic is so awful and weird and delicious to me

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Don't Want Your Sympathy is the easy pick, just because it was so much work and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, but so many people love that fic and reading it back I realized I also really like it, even if I felt an insane compulsion to edit it.

But my secret pick is Feline Fever. Like the porn in that is literally all of my kinks, and it was my first truly rarer pair to write and I felt like I was trying to dig for treasure with no map. It was so freeing to realize I could just do whatever I wanted with them because people didn't really know what to expect!

No pressure tagging @disarmd, @wedriftlikelonelyplanets, @utopiastri, and @beensinning if you all are interested!!

[cityandking]

mafia/crime au vesper i need it + romcom lead au bran please and thank u

thx babe xo // send me an au

vesper + mafia/crime au

finally an excuse to talk more about my dragon age crime au

the Trevelyan family is large and expansive and has ties to a number of Marcher cities, never quite running anything but always around and connected to the people in charge. funny how many businesses and enterprises seem to tie back to the Trevelyans sooner or later

Vesper's a lawyer. mostly she does contract work, some corporate law, a lot of pro-bono stuff in the housing space, but every now and then the family needs a little extra help and it's nice to have an accredited professional in the back pocket. all things considered she's practically operating outside the family business, except on the occasions they need her—in which case she's in the very heart of it

in this AU, where she isn't sent away, she and eldest brother Kit are thick as thieves. you know those tragically co-dependent mob siblings in pretty much all mafia media out there? that's them. even when Kit gets married, even when he has kids, Auntie Vesper is always over

she's not as close with her parents or the twins, but between the appearances to be kept up and her utility as a resource, the keep things civil. her lawyer's schedule means she misses plenty of family events, but she makes a point to show up when she can.

this backfires in her late 20s when someone puts a hit out on the Trevelyan leadership, and the night at the gala with her parents and one of the twins ends with Vesper being the sole survivor to stumble out, gown bloodied. she's held on charges briefly before they let her go again.

(everyone warns her away from Captain Rutherford — and DA Cassandra is always telling Cullen to steer clear — but they just seem to keep running into each other and the tension... it lingers...)

branwen + romcom lead au

Branwen is custom built to be the hot plaid-wearing small-town free-spirited love interest to some businesswoman from the city who gets stuck out in the boondocks and hates being there on account of it reminds her of her tragic backstory (*cough*sabine*cough*)

variation where she's the talk of her small seaside town and the Other Lead is displeased with being stuck in some tourist dump (especially if it's the off season) but Bran woos them with romantic sunsets on her sailboat and homemade seafood dinners and there are quiet conversations about lingering traumas(TM) over beers out on the porch at night

there's a version of this where she's the hip single mom to an eager and meddling Gawain who is pulling all sort of hijinks to get Bran and the other lead together. Bran is, I think, aware of the hijinks but content to let them carry on until they go a little too far, at which point she sits Gawain down and explains that you can't just Make people like each other. Other Lead obviously overhears and this is what makes them decide to take the plunge.

I really especially feel she's fit for a Hallmark Christmas romcom. There should be snow there should be trees she should get an ax there should be spiked hot chocolate. Let her give someone a scarf. Are you seeing my vision? Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

scene where the Other Lead goes back to the city and Bran—who is, of course, in love(TM) but has always been a free spirited love 'em and leave 'em type—shows up dressed in city attire (just as hot but 100% less flannel) to be like "I wasn't just going through the motions what we had was real" and then she kisses the Other Lead right in the middle of the corporate lobby and the weird city partner (in my head this is either a guy or Aubrey Plaza, sorry Aubrey) walks into a glass wall but Bran + Other Lead don't notice because they mackin' it

[agentnico]

Megalopolis (2024) review

My brain is fried.

Plot: A conflict between Cesar, a genius artist who seeks to leap into a utopian, idealistic future, and his opposition, Mayor Franklyn Cicero, who remains committed to a regressive status quo, perpetuating greed, special interests, and partisan warfare.

Going into Megalopolis all I knew about the movie thanks to its marketing and early reception is that it’s directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Now having seen it, I still only know that this movie is directed by Francis Ford Coppola. I am power phrasing of course, but essentially this thing is us stepping into the crazy mind of Mr Coppola and getting lost in his nonsense. For nonsense is what this epic is. You can argue that there are some bold philosophical discussions within it and the theme of drawing parallels between the fall of Rome and the future of the United States is an interesting one, however at the end of the day this is an old man yapping a lot and wanting to be heard when he can’t even formulate a full sentence.

Speaking of sentences, let’s start with the script. FFC has juiced this baby up with Tommy Wiseau levels of herbs and spices, with characters spilling out lines of dialogue that are so outlandish and bizarre in both the delivery and context that for the most part you cannot help but laugh, even though I don’t believe that was Coppola’s intention. I mean really, someone needs to make a count of how many times Adam Driver says the word “time” in this movie. Then there are moments where characters are literally quoting Shakespeare, Marcus Aurelius and Plutarch and other philosophers as if the movie is trying to make a statement, except that it doesn’t have anything of significance to say. We jump from one bizarre scene to other, often being given narrative plot points that are completely forgotten about and never referred to again from the next scene onwards. The whole piece feels like a massive cheesy fever dream, and without a shadow of a doubt I can say I’ve never seen another film like it before nor will I ever.

The stacked ensemble cast also does not fair too well. For one they don’t really play characters, but more so their roles, though they have names, are more so walking metaphors/ideologies, which only adds to the confusion. Adam Driver I believe essentially plays Francis Ford Coppola himself, with Driver as an architect wanting to create his own unique dream city of Megalopolis a reflection of Coppola’s filmmaking passion to direct a unique movie that he himself wants to make, and one that is entirely his vision that no studio interference can meddle with, for better or worse. Driver isn’t great, but I expect he was doing exactly what Coppola was asking him to do, even though it’s really wooden and lifeless. Nathalie Emmanuel as his girlfriend was actually atrocious, delivering each line as if she’s performing in a school play, over enunciating every single word. Giancarlo Esposito….I mean I guess he’s alright, but he’s just Gus from Breaking Bad who’s turned mayor. Jon Voight looks like a drunk Judi Dench, Laurence Fishburne is Adam Driver’s personal chauffeur who for some reason also narrates the whole darn thing even though his character has jack all to do with anything, and Dustin Hoffman walks around a lot looking really lost. We are too Dustin, we are too. The only two actors who seem to know what type of movie they are in are Aubrey Plaza and Shia LaBeouf. They are extremely over-the-top and feel like they are really self-aware of the unintentionally funny lines of the script, so they fully throw themselves into the ridiculousness of it all which results in them two actually being really entertaining to watch.

Visually Megalopolis stupefies me. On one side the world building is beautiful with so much unusual and special imagery that really pops, but at the same time it’s also extremely ugly and unappealing to look at. It feels like the special effects are super cheap and could have been done by a toddler, but also it’s a look that’s so different and out there that it’s also fantastical.

The movie is a bloated mess. It’s truly mad, pretentious and up its creator’s own arse. But at the same time I find it hard not to respect the heck out of Francis Ford Coppola’s ambition. The guy literally sold part of his winery business to fund this film, he has worked on it for 40 fricking years, gone through endless production issues and delays, then had issues finding a distributor and getting mixed to negative reviews at the Cannes film festival premiere, to then the botched marketing campaign from Lionsgate as well as that weird controversy about him kissing random women on set of Megalopolis and other inappropriate behaviour…. This movie’s behind the scenes shenanigans would make for a fascinating documentary which I’m certain a streamer such as Netflix will for sure bring to life some time down the road. But again, if there’s anything to take out of Megalopolis is that FFC is a massive cinematic pioneer with his own distinct vision and someone who’s strives to break the norms of filmmaking. In fact I only recently discovered through the Criterion Collection the 1980 samurai war epic Kagemusha by Akira Kurosawa, and the interesting aspect to that film (besides it being an absolute blast) is that it was partly funded by George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola, both of whom wanted to support filmmakers who had something special and different to say, like Kurosawa. So Coppola is no stranger to big cinematic aspirations and has, throughout his entire career, been a leading figure in the evolvement of the film movement, and for good reason is considered as one of the greatest directors of all time. For that reason alone Megalopolis is worth going to see.

Again, I want to emphasise - Megalopolis is not a good movie. But in the current superhero saturated Hollywood climate it’s a different kind of cinematic event, so a perfect palette cleanser for true cinephiles. Even though, let’s be honest. Francis Ford Coppola really did just unload his load all over us and then some!

Overall score: 4/10

[lovecanbesostrange]

*nasal voice* as an artist: movie ask 3! also 5 and 11 (bc I, too, love me some "problematic" tropes sometimes)

3. Post a screenshot and ramble on about why this one frame visually appeals to you (colors, blocking, expression, set decoration whatever).

omg this question is so hard. It could be random, like pick the last movie, take a screen, write. But I ended up clicking through dozens of films, watching a lot of fav moments. From Firth & Moore on the carpet in A Single Man, to Ken Watanabe standing in front of Godzilla in G:KotM, then the whole ending to Midsommar, had a quick cry about seeing the hanging shoes in Jojo Rabbit, looked at the way Amy returns in Gone Girl, that shot through the bars in Hustlers, or all the gorgeous bizarre shots that make up Annihilation, also I went through the whole of Fox' X-Men franchise, because I have so many moments I cherish (it is the best superhero franchise as a whole, even though the parts alone are mostly just mediocre, the sum of it is amazing)... then I was downstairs for a snack and a tv spot reminded me that Cruella exists, so I cave with this one:

You hear the name Cruella and what do you think about? Dalmatians and a black&white theme. With the fur she wants and the hair she has. And then this movie gives us a theme party. And it is very, very important that everything is strictly black and white only. It's a whole thing. Except Cruella has a plan and she's gonna be a distraction. She is disruption. She will make everybody look. With the color red. And I am here for it!

This moment was in all the trailers, you know it's coming. Yet while watching I'm always excited nearing this fabulous entrance. And it's not the effect of how she gets rid of her white coat with the flame, it's the absolute contrast to everything around her. Perfectly framed in... a door frame. An entrance for the ages. Introducing herself. Introducing the alter ego. The different persona. I am so here for that.

The whole film is about style. The visuals are gorgeous, the music filling the rest of the mood. This is what movies are for! Colored pictures in motion with sound - to invoke feelings. And here you know something big is happening. There is a stage set. It's all planned. In-story for the characters and for the viewers watching the screen.

There is nothing new or super groundbreaking. It's all about using well known tools in an effective way. And it tells us something about the character. Ella is used to being in the background, while dreaming about fashion she tries hard to not stand out (that would interfere with her little criminal endeavours and get unwanted attention for sure). But this is the birth of Cruella on the scene. Bold. Loud. Drawing all eyes on her. (And also startling people, because being a bit scary is fine.)

*chef's kiss* Sometimes a little bit of flair is all I need. Not even attached to any emotional outburst. Can we just applaud films for using the full spectrum of the medium for its own sake every once in a while, just to entertain?!

5. A character who deserves their own spin-off.

The very obvious, tumblr-friendly answer: Riley Johnson (Aubrey Plaza) from Happiest Season. Show me her life, show me she's good at her work and give me some fun disaster dates she goes on, trying to find somebody a bit more longterm. Witty, forgiving, a bit guarded and then opening up in a non tragic way. Hmm, sadly that's it. I don't even have fancasts for a row dates or anything. Just give me romcom fun with a dash of that specific Plaza-charme. (Not against reuniting her with Rachel Keller from Legion.)

11. A trope or setting you know is mishandled a lot and carries a huge problematic/toxic burden, yet you do enjoy it?

I am highly aware how terrible representation and portrayal of anything mental health/illness related films (and tv) overall are. Especially how most people are not knife wielding dangers to the general public. I am very much about treating people with dignity and respect, not judging but helping. I have seen/experienced things, I know reality.

However horror (next to sci-fi) is my fav genre. And you give me a movie that starts with "in a mental asylum", I'm in. Be it A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 with teens thrown in a hospital (despite telling the truth and not self-harming) or Grave Encounters with supernatural shenanigans in a former bad place. I love M. Night Shyamalan's Split, because James McAvoy plays all those personalities so well. Nobody ever should think about that film when talking about actual disassociative identity disorder!

We need to have that conversation about demonizing mental illness. But yes, here I sit being audience for horror films using it as a gimmick (always glad when it leans into supernatural territory).

I am also absolutely the audience for films like Girl, Interrupted or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Both dvds are on the shelf. Great films. But sometimes I just want John Carpenter's The Ward or plain old Psycho. A film like The Babadook working with metaphors for deep dark soul dives isn't exactly an easy watch, so I'll take some "criminally insane" slashers as well.

[dzpenumbra]

6/17/23

Good lord, I watched some clip on YouTube with Aubrey Plaza having an argument with another actress about like... a position she was applying for or something... and how this company was clearly exploiting the "internship" model as way of getting free fucking labor. Which... is bullshit, and always has been. Sorry. Work is work, I don't care if someone is a student or an elder... labor is labor. "Experience" or "exposure" or whatever, the world's biggest con and should be fucking illegal. Straight up. It's literally gatekeeping a career that wasn't gatekept to begin with, using the excuse of "it's a competitive market, this is a coveted position" to exploit free labor. And in this clip, Aubrey Plaza's character called it out. And was pushed back against. And god, I could fucking feel it. My heart clenched. It was visceral. Because I've been there. It made me really upset.

It's when people get into a position of power and control. And they forget where they came from. And they look down at younger generations who are in completely different circumstances with a smug sense of superiority. And then they exert that control over others, intentionally taking advantage of them, intentionally making life way more complicated, taxing and demanding than it even remotely requires. Just... because it's "what you do." Because it's trendy. I will do everything I can to stay as far away from both sides of that shit as I can get. Ugh. That really put a bad taste in my mouth, but thankfully I've been able to let go of that anxiety and "oh shit" pretty quickly lately.

I woke up last sleep cycle again, but I was able to get back to sleep pretty quickly. But this whole waking up mid-sleep thing is making me wake up later and later each time. This time, I didn't start drinking coffee until after 7 PM. That's no good.

I did my workout, which was actually pretty taxing today. In fact, I actually woke up sore for the first time this morning. It was my back, but not from the workout... from the yoga. Figure that one out! I did a bunch of back-focused yoga that was... I guess activating muscles I don't normally use, for extended durations of time... in order to help me sit up and support my spine and all that. And it was really tough, but that just means I need to do it more often. It will pay off. But man, that made me really sore. So yeah, yoga today was nice, and did some things I don't normally do. And my workout was a lot of upper body stuff, which wasn't too bad, just tiring. Just the right level though.

I ended up getting everything in my day situated and... streamed. I streamed 3.5 hours, from about 10pm until about 1:30ish. I listened to several albums all the way through: Mars Volta - Deloused in the Comatorium, Polyphia - Remember That You Will Die, David Maxim Micic - Bilo IV, Periphery - Periphery V: Djent is Not a Genre. I got a lot done on my piece. I don't think I had many viewers, if any for most of it. I had one new person drop by and chat for a bit, it was nice to see a new face. They told me my music was leveled too high over my voice... which is always really fucking frustrating... since I literally can't soundcheck my own stream. It's actually impossible. It's a classic streamer problem and it's so infuriating when you don't have any friends at all to just... drop in for 5 minutes at the top of your stream to just help you get your levels right. Ugh. Towards the end of the stream, a kid from the old art days dropped in. He's from Chile. He was talking briefly about how he's abandoning drawing because he doesn't have time for it with school. Which is always really painful to see. You see someone who clearly has a passion for something difficult, so much that they will go out of their way to continuously fail at it for years with no reward in sight... just to get better at it, and just because the process itself is rewarding. And... to have them abandon this trade... rather than nurture it... because society demands you have the ability to recite some potpourri of mandatory required information in a variety of different fields.

Like... I get the idea of standardized education, don't get me wrong... But... doesn't the internet kinda change that shit a bit? For real? Like... most people I have met who are high school graduates don't actually know when, where or how to apply the quadratic formula... despite knowledge of it being a requirement for graduation. Or cellular reproduction, like I was rabbit-holing on last night... that's life-science shit, right? That's basic biology. I don't remember the last time I even met a person who didn't graduate high school, how many people out there that are not actual biologists do you think could... off the top of their heads... be able to tell me what a eukaryote is. Or tell me what the Golgi apparatus does. This system of cramming information into peoples' heads doesn't work. From what I have witnessed, most people fake absorbing this information in the short term, just enough to be able to pass a "test" on it. Or they just get really fucking good at cheating. I don't feel like this is good for a society. I feel like, especially in highschool and shit... when you start finding things you're passionate about and interested in... you should really be encouraged to go down that path, and people should be helping you develop the tools you need to get there. General education of course is important, to a degree... but I think we go a bit too over-the-top with it... and that increased demand ends up being too big of a bar... and then people don't even try to pass that bar... and the average come out of it with a lower education than if the bar was lower in the first place.

All this to say... I wish that kid didn't have so much peer pressure on him to do a whole bunch of other mandatory shit... if what he wants to do is draw. But... that's also making a lot of assumptions, and kinda projecting. So yeah, I held off on giving him this rant and kinda saved it for here. Instead, I encouraged him to find time anywhere he could to just do a little bit. Even 10-20 minutes of doodling is better than quitting art outright because you're too busy. Coming from experience.

So yeah, I got a ton of work done. Stream was slow but successful. I put a link in my discord group but didn't do that thing where it annoyingly pings everyone in the group... and only that one kid showed up. No one else. So... I'm guessing they need an intrusive announcement to know I'm going live. Which makes sense, if I have one or two viewers, I literally don't even show up on most peoples' following list. I'm too far down. That obscurity snowball effect.

So... to address this and some other stuff... I started getting my head into back-end mode. I set up a Ko-fi. And I'm getting geared up to set up a Tumblr. I have a good feeling about it. Here's the catch, and what I deeply struggle with. I struggle to just... keep Instagram updated. It's just not a habit for me. I know it sounds lame for people who are used to posting on social media every day... I barely even visit Instagram once every 2 weeks. I'm simply not on social media other than this. So... in my head... I have to deliberately go out of my way to do a little photoshoot of my new work... and past work. Then I need to write context for them. That needs to be separate so I can post the same thing multiple places. Then I need to set up the posts... on Instagram, on Ko-Fi, on Tumblr and on Patreon probably... Right? I'm horrible about keeping up to date with that kind of stuff. Then on all of those, I have to figure out the right hashtags, which is super stressful for me, if I'm being honest. I just... don't feel like I'm good at it or something. So... it just feels like it's a whole thing.

Figure that shit out. I get all stressed out and try to avoid posting finished pieces on social media... but I'll effortlessly write like 7 pages on here every single night. Maybe it's the whole... "what's the point, it's just going to get 10 views and 3 likes and not actually lead to anything." Like... here... I'm not doing this for exposure at all. My intention of this is literally just for it to exist and be publicly accessible. If people find it, cool. If not, whatever. It just... is. But when I go to put my art on display, just like streaming, my intention is the opposite, it is to be found. To be discovered. For someone to find it and engage with it and go "holy shit, this is cool" and want to see more. That's the fucking point. Here, that's not my intention. I think that's the big difference. So... I put so much more pressure on myself to make the presentation perfect. And make sure I have my ducks all in a row, and everything is proofread and punctuated, and the lighting is right and I release... and nothing happens. 3 people who treated me like human garbage for years and for some fucking reason still follow me on Instagram but don't even fucking speak to me... they like my post and that's it. So yeah... the idea of taking the big leap it takes to post on Instagram... and adding in the work of also posting on Tumblr, Ko-Fi and Patreon? I mean... I'm going to have to copy-paste... or else I'm gonna have to devote a day to it.

I dunno, I'm probably blowing all of this out of proportion. It'd probably be easier if people were excited to see what I devote my life to. Even more so if they were encouraging behind the scenes, too. But without that? God, it's like trying to build momentum in a vacuum or something. Any forward movement needs to be generated exclusively by me.

Geez, I'm a ray of fucking sunshine today, eh? XD

But yeah, it was raining all night and I streamed for 3.5 hours and drew the whole time and only took one break. And I kept my voice down. I'd like to be louder, I'd like to be able to stream until like 3 or 4. Or whenever I want. But I guess this is extra incentive to get an earlier start to the day. I'd like to start streams by like... 7 or 8. That gives me a solid 4-5 hours before I need to think about being super quiet. But yeah, stream went well, considering... and I'm planning on streaming again tomorrow.

And that was pretty much the whole day. So... I'm gonna do tarot now.

OH. I set up the Ko-Fi specifically so that people would have a place to donate for stream-related stuff... i.e. Tarot readings. So I need to price that soon. If anyone is still reading... I don't normally break the fourth wall but here I am... XD If you've been reading for a bit, you probably have a good idea of my tarot experience, since I've been doing it every night. I've been studying off-and-on for about 3 years now. I'd really appreciate your input on pricing ideas for like... per-card spreads. Like one-card, three card... and then I can figure out some weird elaborate ones for bigger spreads. Like... what you would expect for a price, keeping in consideration what people charge "IRL". I was thinking that subscribers could have one free one card reading per week? I feel like I'm kinda just giving them away if I do "you get a free reading every stream" for the... $2.50/month I get out of a sub. That's just depressing and I think I'm worth more than that. I don't even know where to start with pricing though. I have been leaning towards like... the $15-20 per 3-card reading range, but I'm worried I won't get enough interest. Because people are just used to bargain-basement prices. So... I could do like... Ko-Fi does "cups of coffee" as increments, and I could say... one cup of coffee = one card... I think that makes sense, and seems fair to me... though it is kinda on the cheap side, if I'm being honest... So, any thoughts on that I'd greatly appreciate, if you don't mind sharing your thoughts. Also, I'm going with Ko-Fi because I get a substantially better cut than Twitch Bits - and I mean substantially... - so I also need to check to make sure Twitch isn't gonna be a little shit and tell me I can't use it for donations.

Okay, tarot time for real.

Past - Ace of Cups (A new relationship and the accompanying surge of emotions.  Getting in touch with your feelings.  Matters of the heart.  A deepening bond.) Present - Ten of Wands, inverted (Burdens, heavy responsibilities. Taking on too much and overloading yourself.) Future - Queen of Pentacles (A person who is warm, welcoming, nurturing, down-to-earth.  She is resourceful, grounded, independent and confident.)

Alright, this one isn't too tough for me to connect the dots on.

This threads starts with Ace of Cups - the big emotional eruption that comes from new ventures. The first date feeling, the first day at a job, that kinda thing. A moment where you get a big rush of emotions and it's better to just... submit to them and experience them than to try to reason them. It can also signal a new relationship but, you know... I'm in isolation here so... I guess it makes it easier to rule that kinda stuff out... XD

This connects to inverted Ten of Wands. Ten of Wands is carrying the heavy burden. It's taking on too much and being overloaded. I don't think it's a signal of catastrophe, but more of a warning. And I feel like the inversion here is kinda emphasizing that this overload is not necessarily something I should be taking pride in... it's something that if not kept in check will take a physical toll on me.

This connects to Queen of Pentacles. She's a new one for me, so I'm still a bit unfamiliar. The card description had a nice background on the Pentacle - a coin with a pentagram, which represents the four elements and the point above which is the Spirit (reason). The pentacle is a symbol of Life, an idealized life, where all of the base elements and urges and impulses are kept under the watchful guidance of the Spirit. And the Queen is the one who unearths the embodiment of this symbol. The Heart of the Pentacles. When I read the description, I pictured The Oracle from The Matrix. Warm, welcoming, nurturing, grounded, confident, kind, maybe a little sassy. She has fresh baked cookies for you. :)

So... there's a few ways to read this. But basically... my excitement with new ventures and new relationships can lead to me getting too overburdened. And rather than my typical RPG inventory assessment and the cleaning that happens when I get Overburdened... where I filter by importance and drop the shit I need the least... when I'm getting into a new relationship/friendship or starting a new project... I tend to revolve around the newest, most emotionally engaging thing. So... like right now? If I were overburdened by adding in streaming on top of art and yoga and working out and housework... I would likely, by default, keep streaming and drop housework, then drop working out. Which isn't necessarily the smartest way to go about it. I also tend to push push push and don't really take enough time to just chill and have fun. So... keeping that balanced is important, and I think the inverted Ten of Wands is really signaling a heads up for that. The end result being... a nurturing, loving, kind, confident, grounded person... a well-balanced stable person, who seems really nice and fun to be around.

That's definitely insightful. Tarot utterly fascinates me, because... I really see it like an inkblot kinda thing, like a Rorschach test. And you take those symbols (in context of their own narratives) and put them in the context of your own life. So the way I just interpreted that? Those same exact cards, the same draw on a different day or (especially) with a different person, could mean something completely different. And people see this lack of being able to replicate results as... "scientific inaccuracy". And they use it as "evidence" to dismiss the value of tarot. Which is deeply upsetting, of course, but I'm not going to get into that. Beyond that, it just really detracts from the whole point. If I drew a card that had a picture of The Emperor from Star Wars... and showed that to you and went "does this remind you of anyone?" Or showed you a picture of Trinity kissing Neo as she unplugs him at the end of The Matrix and present that image as like... something to keep in mind, something to think about, reflect on and maybe keep an eye out for things that remind you of that today. A reminder of priorities in your life, or what you're working towards. I feel like it adds a layer of meaning to life, a... cinematic quality. It reminds me that life is a story, and I'm both the main character and the author. And I don't control everything... in fact, I don't really have a lot of control at all... but I do have choice and intention. And these images can be reminders of those choices, so we can be a bit more intentional and mindful with our choices.

The randomness is what filters out bias. I have never seen tarot as "predicting the future", I don't even really believe that the future has been written yet. At least... I don't think... and honestly... I'm okay not knowing... and I'm okay going along living that way. XD I believe that tarot presents you with images and symbols that you can choose to take into consideration as you move forward. And if you choose to engage, your consideration of those symbols literally changes the course of your life, of your own doing. It can assist us in considering events and symbols in life that we can all relate to, at some level, and mindfully choose whether we want to steer our lives in that direction. It allows us to be more deliberate and aware of certain aspects of our life, and be more active in how we manifest our own future. So, in a way... it shows a potential future. At least a potential course of events, or interconnected symbols. And you can do whatever you want with that. That's my take on it.

Alright, it's late. Gonna wrap it up.

One thing before I go, because I want to put this in writing so it concretizes in my brain. I had a really profound inspiration burst today. Seem to be getting a lot of those lately... :) I was doing the organic cellular membrane pattern and I was completely in autopilot mode, which is such a cool place to get to. And I started to picture the shapes I was drawing... as stones. As pebbles, as gravel. Like... a mosaic. Like a stone path. And I suddenly got really excited. These designs? I could do nature installations. And I could incorporate moss too, if I wanted. So I could do bubbles of moss, and stone "membranes" separating them. Or stone bubbles, and moss membranes between. I could do this really easily too. I would just need the space and materials. And I started brainstorming it on stream and was talking about how... miraculously, I had already learned the skills for how to sort stones by size. It's called "classifying", which I learned from rockhounding and gold panning. Where you get different filters (which are basically like... plastic or metal mesh) of different sizes. And you shake the gravel, and the small ones fall through and the big ones stay on top, and ta-da... you've classified your stones by that size. And I'm really inspired to do a piece like this... so... here's my thought right now. Either I find a space to do this, which I would need a property owner who is okay with it. I'm in a city now, I can't just do this in my landlord's yard anymore. OR... I could create some form of installation indoors... work on a micro-scale... meaning... stones 1" maximum in size... get a shit ton of gravel ordered from somewhere, maybe work with soil too, harvest natural moss? If I can just figure out... the structure, the housing. When I picture it, I'm picturing like... a super shallow wooden box, kinda; almost like a picture frame laying down, or a super shallow sandbox. Like... I look over at my windows and see a spot under my windowsill that would be perfect for a big one. And that bay is like... 7'x1'. So... I would need some kind of backing, like plywood or something... some kind of wood along the sides to keep everything in... maybe just normal 2x4s... and... that's it? Maybe handles so I can move it, but I can always add that shit later. I can start on a smaller scale too, then work my way up. I've kinda already started on this with the terracotta pot that I have, but... it's the depth of it that throws me off. If I had something shallow and broad, I could build a flat base to it and just work on it like it's a canvas. And, again... if I can waterproof this too... I can add in water features and pumps and shit down the line... Micro Zen Gardens. It's a cool idea. I've had this idea for a while now. I just... really wish I knew what materials to use for this and how to put that together. The rest would be a dream come true. Then, later... down the line... I'd love to do a full-scale installation with actual rocks instead of micro gravel. Like a full park or some shit. That would be absolutely insane.

Okay, just needed to get that out. Bedtime for real now.

[goddesspharo]

I think @earnmysong tagged me eons ago for this and it was just sitting in my drafts waiting to be completed because I am the worst!

the more you know

favorite color | Blue

currently reading | My piano boys got together to play a Something Corporate concert for Andrew McMahon's 40th birthday (I feel old, you feel old, we all feel old about everything in that sentence, but I am still sad that I missed it) and the nostalgia of all that was too much so I'm about to start Andrew McMahon's memoir Three Pianos.

last song | Twin Shadows' Saturdays featuring HAIM. Impeccable 80s movie set in suburbia vibes. Plus, the line "maybe we're a fault line, maybe we're a phone line ready to break" is A+.

last series | I watched all of Abbott Elementary over the weekend and it was most excellent! Last night I caught up on House of the Dragon where everyone has the same conversations about succession in every episode so legit the best thing to happen has been the show going all in on the extremely wrong incestuous relationship between Rhaenyra and Daemon (coincidentally the only two characters with any personality)??? Rhaenyra using the attempt to call her virtue into question to oust the dude gatekeeping the throne, bone down her bodyguard like she was in medieval Chasing Liberty after Daemon left her hanging, and then gaslight her stepmother into believing that she didn't want to bang anyone is, simply put, queen shit. (Daemon rolling around on the ground while drunk and lovelorn like the most try-hard junior in a high school production of Billy Shakes' R+J as interpreted by Baz Luhrmann through a community theater lens was icing on the cake.)

last movie | I contain multitudes which is to say that I got bored watching Young Guns so I gave up and saw Emily The Criminal instead. A superior choice because Aubrey Plaza is consistently the best part of any movie she is in and her chemistry with Theo Rossi in this was fabulous.

spicy/sweet/savory | You can never have too much savory, but you can go overboard with the other two.

currently working on | Working through my sadness that Roswell, New Mexico decided in its final season to remember it's a CW show and therefore embarrassing on multiple levels. The writers said let's drop EVERY BALL to focus on three new characters that no one cares about instead of spending time on the ones whose happiness everyone has been invested in for the last three seasons. (Could've just had them alternate between hanging out with Shiri Appleby and making out while the entire Counting Crows discography played in the background for the final season and it would've been a success.) Anyway, I haven't actually written anything, but if I did, it would be a S4 AU of what would happen if the show leaned into having Kyle and Isobel date-while-not-calling-it-dating (because they're idiots!) after hooking up in Mexico except Kyle doesn't throw out any love declarations and instead continues to pine like a forest while Isobel tries to work through her complicated relationship with romance. (You cannot mention Noah that many times at the start of the season and then never get into it!)

[iridescentides]

IT’S MY TWO YEAR GIF-IVERSARY!!!

hi friends! the end of this month (May 28, 2021) marks the two year anniversary of the first gifset i ever made! i have grown and progressed tremendously in my editing skills over the past two years, and i love expressing my creativity with gifs!

since last year’s celebration was so fun and connected me with so many incredible gif makers on this site, i am super excited to celebrate again this year! i am commemorating a personal milestone, but the overall goal of this celebration is to recognize, uplift, and inspire gif makers to love themselves and their art! absolutely anyone is welcome to join in, whether you’ve been giffing for a million years or just started yesterday.

throughout the month of May, please help me celebrate by interacting with the posts and/or participating in the activities listed under the cut:

GIF IVERSARY CELEBRATION SCHEDULE

to celebrate 2 years of making gifs, i will be doing/posting the following:

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GIFTsets // all month long

send me a 🎁 and i’ll make you a little surprise gift! (mutuals only, please)

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gif maker appreciation tag // all month long

this week i will be starting a tag game for gif makers, with questions that prompt them to reflect on their own work and recognize other creators who inspire them. i will tag lots of people to get the ball rolling, but please participate by answering the questions and tagging as many amazing gif makers as you can! the goal is to keep the game going for the entire month of May!

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influential editors series // multiple dates throughout May

in an adaptation from last year’s creator spotlight series, i will be dedicating 5 days this month to the top 5 gif makers who i feel have inspired and impacted me the most in my personal gif making journey. my choices will be based on a variety of factors, like gif making talent and creativity, but also things like kindness, supportiveness, and leadership. the friends i have made on this site are so special and so skilled in their craft, so this will be my way of thanking the people who have pushed me to become better and also helped me feel like i truly belong in this community of creators.

each of these influential editors will receive:

a promo post talking about how awesome they are;

a day-long “takeover” on my blog where i reblog lots of their gifsets;

my undying love and admiration.

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self-reblog marathon // May 3-9

we all have gifsets we’re proud of that deserve more love! from May 3rd to May 9th, i am encouraging you to be your own biggest fan! let’s normalize shameless self-reblogging, because we put lots of work into the things we make and we deserve for them to be seen! participate by reblogging as many of your own gifsets as you want, tagging them with #srb marathon, and talking in the tags about what you like about those gifsets. and if you see someone else on your dash who is also participating, reblog their creations too! let’s hype each other up!!!

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gif love challenge // May 10-16

(not to be confused with the gif maker positivity meme (see below))

the gif love challenge is a way to give back to your favorite editors to thank them for the amazing content they make! it’s a week of love and encouragement that anyone can take part in, regardless of whether they are a creator or not! see the official post to find out how to participate.

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gif makers respond // May 17-23

when it comes to creating gifs, everyone has a different experience. each day of the week from May 17th to the 23rd, i will post one gif-related discussion prompt designed to start a conversation amongst gif makers. to answer the question, just reply to the post or reblog with a response in the tags.

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gif maker positivity meme (#gmpmeme2021) // May 24-30

back by popular demand! this is a one-week gif challenge meant to inspire gif makers to experiment, grow, and get outside of their comfort zones. please REBLOG the prompt list so it can reach as many creators as possible, and participate in the meme the week of May 24th to May 30th. make sure to tag your posts with #gmpmeme2021, and check the tag so you can reblog other people’s creations as well!

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tagging some beloved mutuals:

@lizzie-mcguires @sambuckyws @seance @barchiee @favoriteliar @rockyblue @aleksandr-morozova @stilestilinskies @yuutta @dani-clayton @inejz-ghafa @deweyduck @molinareggie @montygreen @fabeldyr @crayonstoperfume @pietro-maximoff @sharonncarter @alexander-vlahos @eddiediaz @evakant @tisdales @ghostes @jonathan-byers @samthwilson @owenjoyner @wcameasromans @oretsevmal @magnusedom @miriammaisel @mikechvng @danielkalluuya @ariangrnde @owenpatrickjoyners @hennwilson @ourteeth @favreaus @tmhnks @aubrey-plaza @daggery @ansonmount @replayfootsteps @timothyolyphant @ogaferoga @lizzo @sonyarebecchi @denalifoxx @carterfreddys @rambeaus @alina-mal

[rachaelswrites]

Girl’s Trip

Matthew Gray Gubler x daughter!reader/ Platonic! Aubrey Plaza

Word Count: 1,400

Requested By: Anonymous

what about mgg daughter and aubrey plaza hanging out? idk why i thought of this. you don’t have to write it you don’t want to :)

 Your dad was very close to Aubrey, so naturally you were too. Ever since you were little, you and her were like best friends. She always set aside time in her schedule to spend time with you. This year, she was planning on taking you on a road trip. Your dad begged to come along but you and Aubrey told him it was for girls only. The plan was to start in Los Angeles and then go to Vegas, making a stop at Yosemite as well. It wasn’t the most conventional or the longest trip, but you were still happy to go. 

You’ve always wanted to go on a road trip but your dad was always way too busy to take you on one. You were excited that your first one would be with Aubrey, who you considered your number one best friend. 

The morning that you were leaving, you were too excited to sleep so you woke up at five. You were double checking your packing list and made sure everything was in your bag. Apparently you were making too much noise and woke your dad up. 

“Y/n? What are you doing? It’s too early for you to be making this much noise,” he stood at your doorway and rubbed his eyes. 

“Sorry, I’m just too excited,” you zipped your bag up and threw it on the bed, “I’ll be quieter.”

“No it’s fine. I’m already awake. Do you want coffee?”

“Please,” you followed your dad into the kitchen. 

He grabbed two mugs from the cupboards as you sat down at the counter. Your laptop was still out and there were pieces of paper scattered around it. As Matthew handed you your coffee, he motioned to the mess in front of him, “Late night homework session?”

“Nope! I was just doing some extra planning for our trip,” you grabbed the papers and looked over the notes you made. 

“Thought you two were being spontaneous about this?” he took a sip of his drink and sat down next to you, looking over the papers as well, “How can you even read your writing?”

You rolled your eyes and snatched the paper from his hands, “I know but, I like to have things somewhat planned. This is just a rough draft.”

“Mmm, I see,” he kissed the side of your head, “I’m going to miss you,” he stood up and ruffled your hair, “What am I going to do without you?”

“You’ll be fine without me. It's just for a few days,” you stood up, making your way to your room, “Maybe Rumple can keep you company,” you ran upstairs before he could answer back. 

A few hours later, the doorbell rang and you raced downstairs, almost knocking your dad over. You opened the door and greeted Aubrey with a hug. 

“Wow, you must be really excited,” she teased, returning the hug.

“You have no idea,” Matthew called from inside the house. 

“Well, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with you for the next few days,” you jabbed at him. You dragged Aubrey inside. 

Her and Matthew caught up while you went upstairs to grab your things. You walked downstairs and set your bag at your feet, “I’m ready.” 

Your dad walked over to you and hugged you, “Be good,” he said pulling away from you. He turned to Aubrey, “No matter how many times she begs, don’t let her drive.”

“Don’t listen to him,” you said, stepping away from him, “Dad we’ll be fine.”

“Yeah. We’re gonna be safe and have fun,” she said as she pulled you into a side hug. 

“Fine. Just don’t break my daughter,” he tossed your bag back at you and watched as you two left. 

It was only four and a half hours to your first stop in Yosemite. For that time, you and her talked about anything and everything. The topic landed on boys, “Anyone catching your eye recently?” she asked. You didn’t answer, you just blushed, giving her the answer she needed, “So there is someone? Who is it?”

“Mmm you can’t tell my dad but me and Finn have gone on a few dates,” your face was fifty shades of red now.

She gasped, “Wolfhard? Lucky duck.”

You punched her in the arm lightly, “Just don’t tell my dad. He will freak.”

“Don’t worry I won’t. It’ll be our secret.”

Your first stop at the park was a hike to one of the falls. Once at the top you took pictures and sent them to your dad, making him jealous. He really wished he was allowed to go. You hiked back down and it was getting late. You two decided to camp out for the night. 

You picked out a camp spot and helped Aubrey set up the tent. By the time you finished setting it up, it was dark. 

She started a fire and you pulled out some logs for you two to sit on.

“Do you wanna tell ghost stories?” she asked you. 

“Sure,” you knew she told great stories, just like your dad. You were just worried that you might not be able to sleep after hearing hers. 

“Ok, ok. So you know Bigfoot right?”

You nodded, “Yeah but isn’t he more in like the Pacific Northwest? Like in the mountains?”

“Yes but there’s variations like the Yeti, that’s not the point.”

“Continue then.” 

She leaned in closer to you, “Well, there’s rumors that there’s a similar creature here in the park.”

“Really? Are we in danger?”

“Mmm, no. He only goes after men,” she stood up and patted your shoulder, “We really have to watch out for the other one. She’s smaller but stronger.”

“Wait? You said we were safe!” you jumped up from your spot on the log.

“As long as you’re over twenty-one she won’t go after you.”

“But I’m sixteen! Aubrey! You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

She just shrugged, “I’m sure you’ll be ok. Yell if you need anything,” she went into the tent and started getting ready for bed. 

Sometimes, suspense like this was worse than hearing an actual story. There wasn’t enough service for you to google to see if this was real or not. You stayed outside by the fire for a bit until it started to die down and it got cold. You got into the tent and saw Aubrey was already asleep. You changed into pajamas and got into your sleeping bag, “I’ll kill you if you scare me in the middle of the night,” you whispered. 

Morning came and you didn’t get eaten by a monster lurking in the woods. 

“See? You were fine,” Aubrey said as she was finishing shoving the tent back into the car. 

“Because I was up all night,” you flopped into the passenger seat. Aubrey closed the trunk and got into the driver’s seat.

“If it makes you feel better, we can get coffee?”

Aubrey drove you to a small café. Before your food even came, you had downed two cups of coffee. 

“You really are your father’s daughter. You drink so much coffee. Both of you,” she said in between her own sips of coffee. 

“I mean, where do you think I got it from? I’m pretty sure I was born holding a coffee cup.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” she responded. The waitress brought your food, “So, tell me more about Finn. What’s up with you two?”

“Mmm, nothing,” you shoved a forkful of French toast into your mouth. 

“Come on Y/n,” she leaned closer to you, “I won’t tell your dad.”

“Only if you let me drive. I won’t crash,” you held your hand out for the keys, waiting for her to hand them over. 

She thought about it for a minute before answering, “Deal,” she tossed them to you, “Now spill.”

“Ok, ok,” you started, “It’s nothing serious. We’ve just hung out a few times.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“Yup,” you stood up, keys in hand, “We better get going,” you quickly ran out of the café. 

“Y/n!” she called out but you were already out the door and in the car. She paid the bill and followed you out the door, “We are not done talking about this,” she muttered to herself. 

A few hours later, you finally arrived in Vegas. You managed to get both of you there safely (and quite quickly.)

Taglist

@ssebstann @peachyprincessss @emmy-writes-sometimes @dudele @kerrswriting @laura-naruto-fan1998

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 4

Part 3

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Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Just a single curse word.

Chapter: 4/? I'm sorry, this is going to be long :c but I just loooove writing it

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 1.6k

Author's note: This is a little bit shorter, but it's pure fluff, and the next one is going to be so long they will compensate eachother, hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 4 Bloom- The Paper Kites

I was floating in cloud nine, everything I have ever dreamt of suddenly became true, there he was, the boy of my dreams liking me back, what else could’ve I asked for? Maybe a little more time together before he’s gone.

The doubts in my heart were getting more difficult to ignore with every passing minute, we came back to the dorms like two hours ago but I was incapable of going to bed, let alone trying to sleep, there was so much to think about, were we a couple? I’ve never had a boyfriend, I don’t know how these things are supposed to work, we like each other, that’s all that it takes right? A long-distance relationship? I’ve heard that those never work, or should we wait for him to come back to make it official? Aren’t we already official? We’ve kissed, like a lot, there was even some tongue; ugh those thoughts made me feel so embarrassed.

The light of my home screen lightly illuminated the room, and with my blushed cheeks I went to check who was messaging me, it was Kaminari, I opened the text that reads “R u awake? I had a nightmare and I really could use a hug from my bestie rn” followed by five crying emojis; “See you in the place” said my reply, the place was this empty service room in the rooftop of the dorms, nobody ever used it for anything so it is completely empty, we made a copy of the key one day that we had to clean the entire dorms because a certain yellow-haired guy decide to play “potions” in chemistry class, and since then it’s been our hiding place, it had everything that we needed, a lot of junk food, fairy lights, a portable speaker, blankets and an Opossum holding a cigarette poster in one wall; whenever one of us needed a break from the outside world we came here, this is our safe space.

I opened the door to the place and saw Denki standing there, he looked so tiny and vulnerable, I hugged him instantly, the dim fairy lights in the opossum wall made his facial features even prettier, it was obvious he had been crying, I didn’t asked any question and he didn’t said anything, we just hugged for what it seemed like hours, with a heavy sight he pulled apart and give me smile

-Thanks Y/N I really needed that- Said Denki with his hand in my cheek and his eyes fixed in some point between us

-They’re back, aren’t they? - I asked with concern

He nodded and lied in one of our blankets in the floor, I did the same, we both were looking at the glow in the dark stars glued to the celling not saying a single word, he held my hand and started to cry

-Why do they keep coming back? I don’t wanna be afraid anymore- I knew exactly what he meant, he had a recurrent nightmare, a big fight against villains, every one of us dying in awful ways, he is always the last one to die, and before that there is always someone telling him that he is the weakest of us, that this was all his fault for not being enough.

-Your mind is playing tricks on you, you are not weak, I know I’ve told you that a gazillion times, but I’m willing to do it a million more, all the times you need it, I’m here, we are all safe and sound, you have nothing to worry about- Anytime the nightmares come back I make sure Denki knows he’s just as strong as any of our other classmates, that he’s smart and capable of being a great hero.

-I want to be able to protect you, I don’t want you to die- Said Denki facing me and locking his eyes with my own.

-I promise you, I’m not going to die in the hands of a villain, I’m going to die being the coolest grandma in the neighbourhood, doing a sick backflip and daring Satan himself to come for my soul- I said to make Denki laugh, and apparently it worked

-You’re my best friend Y/N, I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here, please never stop being like that-

-Being how? -

-I don’t know, funny, smart, a real pain in the ass to the villains and the teachers, a stubborn whiney stuff-

-Are you sure you aren’t describing yourself? –

-Nah, I didn’t said the most handsome man who ever walked the earth, but you’re not bad looking-

We both laughed, I really enjoyed being around Denki, his presence always felt comforting, like coming back home after a long trip, or eating your favourite homemade dish after a rough day, like a cool late summer breeze, he makes my heart warm and my troubles go away, I never feel more like myself than when I’m around him. That’s what friendship feels like, right?

-Could you do me one last favour Y/N? – Denkis voice took me out of my own mind -I don’t want to go back to my room and have another nightmare, I don’t wanna make you unconformable or anything, but could I sleep with you? -

It definitely took me by surprise, we had a lot of sleepovers over the years, but never just the two of us

-I understand if you say no, but I promise I just want to sleep, and having you around makes me feel safe-

-I have an idea, let’s have a sleepover here in the place, I’ll put one of those white noise videos that last hours, so you don’t have to think about anything-

-I’ll set the alarm to get up early and go to our dorms before anyone sees us, thank you so much Y/N, I’ll make it up to you, I promise-

-You don’t have to; I know you’ll do the same for me-

-You’re an angel but with no wings-

-So, like a person? –

-Shut up Aubrey Plaza-

We were both lying in the blankets on the floor, our heads at the same level (look at the reference above) and I was slowly falling asleep, all I could hear was the white noise and Denkis soft breathing, I closed my eyes and just before I completely lost my consciousness and succumb to the tiredness of my body I heard it, Denkis soft voice, “I love you Y/N”. I turned my head to look at him with my heart racing miles, but he was deeply asleep. Maybe I just imagined the whole thing, it probably was my tired mind, I took one last look to the boy next to me, sleeping so peacefully and with a little smile in his lips feeling the same familiar warmth in my soul, is this really what friendship feels like?

The alarm went off exactly at 5 am, I woke up and it took me a moment to realize that I wasn’t in my dorm room, then I remembered Denkis nightmare, our sleepover, and that thing I thought I heard. I had to wake Denki up so we could go to our respective rooms without Aizawa founding out we were out of our rooms at night, or even worse that we had the keys of the place. I sat there and moved Denki to wake him up. He opened one eye and whined

-But moooooom, it’s Saturday, I don’t have to go to school-

-Come on Denki we have to go to our rooms-

-Five more minutes- He said and hugged my leg

-Do you want Iida to found out we didn’t sleep in our rooms and telling Aizawa? -

And just like that he got up and started heading to the door

-Shit, you’re right, come on, you know that guy wakes up hella early-

We were in the stairs heading to our rooms, and although we were on Denkis floor, he kept climbing down the stairs with me.

-You don’t have to escort me to my room Denki-

-Oh but I want to- Replied the yellow haired guy

When we were in front of my door he leaned down and planted a chaste kiss in my forehead.

-Thank you for being there for me, I will remember this night for the rest of my life- And he turned around without waiting for a response disappeared heading towards the stairs.

I stepped into my room with a heavy cloud around my mind, there was so many feelings inside me that I couldn’t even tell them apart, where do I draw the line between friendship and love? Between admiration and affection? Between what I feel for Bakugo and what I feel for Denki?

I closed my eyes and remembered everything that happened yesterday, Bakugos confession, our shared kisses, the promise we made, six months apart now sounded a lot more crucial, after all the things that could happen in the matter of a few hours. Did I just said that because the heat of the moment? The words Bakugo said to me sounded so mature and logical, not like my own thoughts right now, am I just a slave of my own feelings? How would he react if he were me? What about Denki? Was he aware of all those years after his friend? And what if he knew and that is the reason why he hasn’t told me anything yet? Maybe I was just overthinking the situation, nothing was written in stone, neither my relationship with Katsuki nor Denkis feelings for me. I was getting tired of my own thoughts running in circles and not coming to an end, so I wrapped myself in the sheets of my bed and prayed for my mind to shut down so I could get some rest.

************************************************

Part 5

Heeeey I just wanted to thank all of you who read my work, LY, the next few chapters will be like an episode of skins UK, soo be warned, also there is going to be some thirst but nothing too explicit because I'm a shy motherfucker. Enjoy the last chapter free from Mrs-Dynamight Drama™

Taglist: @mikasalt

[pintsizeddeepthoughts]

From Start to Finish: Television Reviews - Parks and Recreation

Executive Producer: Greg Daniels and Michael Shur

Starring: Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Low, Jim O’Heir, Retta

Number of Episodes: 126

Years: 2009-2015

Country: United States

For a show as relentlessly optimistic as Parks and Recreation, I want to get the negative criticism out of the way right away. While the show took women’s rights seriously, it projected a narrow, liberal view it. It paid lip service to indigenous issues while not questioning any of the systems that impose white supremacy on those who survived that particular holocaust. It also did not question capitalism in a way that would explain why many of Pawnee’s residents were so ignorant of their own history and why they would be so dependent on the Sweetums company for their livelihood. All of these are valid criticisms and (for me) prevent the series from elevating from good to great.

All that said, this series (more than any other I’ve watched) is the purist expression I can think of of loving your hometown. Objectively, Pawnee is not an easy town to love. It has a raccoon infestation. For half the series, it has a giant hole in the ground that people throw trash into. The public input meetings for any projects would be hilarious if we had been seeing them in real life for the last two years. And yet…protagonist Leslie Knope loves it wholeheartedly. She loves it with the extreme thoroughness that she applies to her work. It’s infectious and the viewer is drawn in to both loving and loathing the idiocy and heart of Pawnee.

As the product of a small town, I understand why a small town would fall in love with something such a miniature horse named Lil’Sebastian, a mediocre band named Mouse Rat, and high school basketball heroes who tire of the fame they won decades earlier. I also understand how such a small town can produce and embrace such a cast of characters as Ron Swanson, Ann Perkins, Tom Haverford, Jerry Gergich, Andy Dwyer, April Ludgate, and Donna Meagle. Moreover, small towns produce the relationships found the show. In such a place people are not anonymous. You know them and because you know them you not only tolerate them, you come depend on their quirks to fill the background of your life.

The show’s thesis is best expressed in Season 4 Episode 20, “The Debate”. The overarching story arc of the season follows Leslie Knope as she seeks political office as one of the town council. On the ropes, Leslie decides to give the Pawnee the truth that is being denied to them by local business heir Bobby Newport (Paul Rudd):

"I'm very angry. I'm angry that Bobby Newport would hold this town hostage and threaten to leave if you don't give him what he wants. It's despicable. Corporations are not allowed to dictate what a city needs. That power belongs to the people. Bobby Newport and his daddy would like you to think it belongs to them. I love this town. And when you love something, you don't threaten it. You don't punish it. You fight for it. You take care of it. You put it first. As your city councilor, I will make sure that no one takes advantage of Pawnee. If I seem too passionate, it's because I care. If I come on strong, it's because I feel strongly. And if push too hard, it's because things aren't moving fast enough. This is my home. You are my family. And I promise you... I'm not going anywhere.”

This is executive producer Michael Shur’s thesis for the entire series. It’s a valuable, important lesson that so many of us take for granted, especially while growing up. It needs to be said - especially when faced with forces that seem overwhelming.

Although I feel Micahel Shur would go on to make better shows, Parks and Recreation should be remember for the earnestness with which is loved local government. While we may pay attention the most to national politics, it is people like Leslie Knope, Ron Swanson, and the people in their lives who create most of the laws and regulations that most directly affect us. Shur argues persuasively that we should not take these people for granted. As much as our neighbors may annoy us, they are the people we live with and the ones we have to deal with on a daily basis. Sincerity and compassion is the best way to deal with them. Love thy neighbor just as hard as Leslie Knope would.

[buckevantommy]

'(Un)Happiest Season' review

Simply put, it wasn't enjoyable as a romance or a comedy or a Christmas flick. It failed on many fronts, but this reviewer from Salon.com puts the thing into words for Happiest Season's main failings: 

What's bad: There were two main criticisms of "Happiest Season." The first being: Can't LGBTQ audiences have a holiday movie where the main plot isn't about mining the anxiety and trauma associated with coming out, being closeted and casual homophobia? Then there's the fact that Harper really is just kind of the worst. After pushing Abby back in the closet, Harper ditches her in a town where she doesn't know anyone to go drink with her ex-boyfriend until two in the morning, then proceeds to call Abby "suffocating" when called on it. It's a pattern of s**ty behavior that is pervasive and present throughout the movie, so her redemption arc doesn't feel super genuine. 

Why can't we have main queer characters in Christmas movies without their presence being all about their queerness? We want fluffy festiveness, dammit! They could've made Harper less selfish and more attentive while still playing into the *I'm not out yet Because Reasons so we need to hide our gay relationship* trope, but they didn't. Who knows why, but what a waste. 🎄👩‍❤️‍👩☃️

^ Look at that trailer and tell me you don't expect Misunderstandings with fun and tropey antics + Domestic Christmas Shenanigans + Comfort for Hurt! You will be sorely disappointed. 😞 

NOTE: The flick does have a few good moments. And it's probably worth the watch just to see what's missing/mishandled when it comes to queer characters and queer romances in mainstream movies. 

But it's not really fun or funny or heart-warming - where are the snowball fights? Insightful conversations? Christmas elements like eggnog/spiced wine, candycanes, mistletoe? Where are the many colourful side characters and the hungover brunches? We get one scene of ice-skating for a few minutes and it's wasted on sibling rivalry bs rather than, say.. Abby and Harper skating together but not being aloud to touch—omg the tension!! 😍 

There's just not enough comfort for the hurt Abby (Kstew) goes through; the film wholly lacks those warm-n-fuzzy Christmas vibes; there's just way more wrong with it than is right with it - which sucks, because this had the potential to be such a great movie if only Harper was written as less ignorant/selfish and we'd gotten more enjoyable family interactions and more festive fun - like a celebration in town. Instead we get a few limited shots of the adorable town, a crappy bar, and an OTT fancy Christmas party for performative rich white folk on a career path for power and "perfection" (ie. wholesome family values). 

The story they went with was definitely better suited for a dramatic film, so in a romcom setting it really didn't work. Plus the side-characters were flat; we needed more depth from the supporting characters, more meaningful interactions. 

^ Look at those intro credits!! Look at all the domestic happy moments and tell me you don't want to see a movie filled with such fluffy festive goodness!! Well, if you don't want to see such moments, don't worry because you won't. I naturally thought we were going to get this kind of romantic-and-non-romantic happiness dispersed throughout the entire film, but no. Not a one. There's 5 minutes of Happy Couple at the start, and that's it 📸☹️ (unless you count a photo collage of the happy ending and year that follows stuffed into the end credits). 

BTW: That intro song is the most Christmasy song in the whole movie. The soundtrack features modern pop songs which 1) don't help set the festive vibe and 2) are really fucking annoying; the song choices are grating, not pleasant, not enjoyable, and they overpower the scenes with a whole lotta noise. I really wish we'd gotten more tunes like the one above. 🎶 

About the image below—Abby is actually miserable the entire time, getting worse by the day, barely a smile seen on her.. while Harper is the one schmoozing her family and contacts with teeth bared, so.. this image isn't what you'll get, just fyi:

(also: the only POC actors they had were the perfectionist-stone-faced-bitch's husband and his girlfriend - wife + hubby being secretly separated.) 

The things that the Salon reviewer liked are the same things I did (see below), but imho even those elements weren't enough to save this film from being: 

an infuriating 102 minute-comedy of errors buoyed by a healthy dose of gaslighting 

More cons of the flick are pointed out by denofgeek.com: 

Some of its issues come from the structure of the film, which shoehorns very real queer struggles into wacky rom-com tropes too fluffy to contain the stakes at hand. Meanwhile the choice to have one half of the lead couple be so aggressively and repeatedly cruel—while her high school ex Riley, played by the ever-perfect Aubrey Plaza was standing right there having all the chemistry in the world with the other romantic lead—was a fatal one.

It really was a dramatic plot idea crammed into a fluffy narrative. You can see the conflicting genres fighting to stay alive and they both die a slow, agonisingly dull death throughout the film. The whole *Abby being converted to loving Christmas by Harper inviting her to spend the holidays with her family* thing, only to have Harper force their relationship + Abby into the closet. Straight conversion much? I'm 100% sick of heteronormative bs in my queer Christmas films. 

For the most part, when you're not feeling for Abby's harsh treatment by her would-be fiance and everyone but Riley ignoring her completely, you will be bored af from the lack of festive cheer - not just twinkle lights and boisterous seasonal music, but those good ol' homey family Christmas vibes. With the Harper house + family members, everything's a performance, so that lack of sincerity and warmth makes for a depressing viewing experience: 

^ Jane (one of Harper's 2 sisters) is the only character allowed to be consistently genuine in the narrative (aside from John, but he's restricted mostly to phonecalls, and Riley - but even she's keeping Harper's secrets). Jane is the only character who is naturally vibrant and reminds us of some of the reasons we get excited about Christmas movies: to feel joy and to enjoy the company around us during the holiday season! 🎄☃️🥳 But rather than give us a fun day out with Jane + Abby, we get Abby + the second sister (i don't even remember her name, just BitchFace) which leads to more bad treatment of Abby - this time by two spoiled af no-smile rich kids. *le sigh* Jane carries the spark of honest joy for the entire Harper clan and that is TOO MUCH to expect of one character, let alone a side-character. 😪 

There are so many ways the story could've been tweaked to make more sense and be somewhat enjoyable, including: 

The orphan!Abby thing is just bad. Rather than give Abby a voice, chances to let her personality shine, almost everyone interacts with her to merely briefly express their condolences for her long-dead parents 🙄 

Abby is a pet-minder, ie. she's an animal lover, yet at no point do we see her interact with animals! Not a dog or cat or hamster, no reindeer at the petting zoo, nothing. 🐕🐈🦎🦜🐠

Riley + Abby getting together (even just a kiss) 👄 

Abby + Harper separating so Harper can get her shit together - and then we get several flashforward shots of them separately living their lives (Harper especially), and then meeting back up again - maybe the next holiday season, after some much-needed time apart 🏃‍♀️🤸‍♀️ 

side characters who engage with Abby in a sincere, meaningful way instead of ignoring her (again, we got Riley, but she was outside of the family dynamic) 😊 

MORE FESTIVE CHEER! where were all the staple Christmassy passtimes, the smile-inducing season-specific experiences??? 🎉 

More from denofgeek: 

Where the script gets into trouble is that it doesn’t distinguish between Harper being closeted and her poor treatment of Abby. The two are separate issues and treating them as one does no favors to Harper, nor others struggling with the closet. As Dan Levy’s beautiful monologue late in the movie alludes to, the closet is a safety mechanism���but it’s not a free pass to treat people like garbage. [...] 😟🏳️‍🌈

Even a brief conversation teasing out that being in the closet doesn’t justify how Harper acted, and that plenty of people in the closet don’t treat others like trash, would have been important. Instead once Harper is out (which the movie takes pains to make clear only happened because Harper’s sister Sloane outed her), and a gesture so small it could never credibly be called grand is made, all bad behavior is washed away. [...] 😤🙅‍♀️ 

The jarring underlying issue is that 'Happiest Season' attempts to apply the standard rom-com and made-for-TV-holiday-movie tropes to queer life. So Abby having to go back into the closet isn’t framed as a painful regression or being forced to deny an essential part of herself, but rather a fun twist, in the vein of “but the guy she insulted on the plane is the owner of the ornament factory she has to impress to win the Christmas contest!”🚪😒 

All of Harper’s behavior adds up to making her feel like something the audience wants Abby to be free of, not someone Abby should be fighting for. Once Riley tells Abby about Harper’s cruelty in high school, where Harper outed Riley and mocked her rather than standing up for her or finding an excuse that protected them both, it becomes incredibly difficult to root for the lead couple to get back together, or for Harper at all. 👏💃 

With this information, Harper’s other transgressions go from frustrating to part of a larger pattern. Sadly, it’s a pattern Harper repeats when her sister outs her and she throws Abby under the (lesbian) bus. 🤬 

FAVE THINGS: 

all interactions between John (Dan Levy) + Abby (he's witty, honest, and 100% the most entertaining element of the entire film; i wish we'd gotten more of him) 😆 

Riley (Aubrey Plaza, Harper's ex) + Abby's scenes together because CHEMISTRY, both between the characters and the actors 👩‍❤️‍👩

Notable between Abby + Riley scenes include 3 instances of Riley comforting Abby's hurt: outside at the fancy party (Abby feeling excluded/ignored/not worth anyone's time due to the way they treat her even though they don't know she's gay), at a gay bar in town (sandwiched by scenes where Abby's made to feel like crap by Harper), and at the fancy home Christmas party where Riley gets Abby something stronger to drink after hearing Abby was going to propose to Harper (but it's been a helluva shitty week and those plans are dead) 👭 

Every scene with Riley was blessed relief from the hurt and discomfort and boredom of the rest of the time with Harper's family. 🤩 

Sister Jane, for being a genuinely fun character 🤗 who was written starkly different to her family and treated somewhat like an outcast 

Aubrey + Kstew killin it in various pantsuits 👀 

In contrast, Riley connects Abby to queerness, bringing her to an LGBTQ bar to decompress and enjoy a Christmas-themed drag performance. It’s the most relaxed and comfortable Abby is on screen since the opening scenes, a chance to glimpse Abby’s authentic self before Harper summons her back to heterosexuality, and where she once again ignores and disappoints her. Riley actually talks to Abby at the various holiday parties whereas Harper keeps leaving her to please her family, especially her father. It’s not hard for the natural chemistry between Plaza and Stewart to take over

I wouldn't watch this film again. For a hopeful Christmasy love story I'd just watch all Abby + Riley's scenes: 

In closing, here's a batshit article title from observer.com that just makes you go, huh? 🧐:

‘Happiest Season’ Isn’t Happy, But That Doesn’t Make It a Bad Rom-Com

Um.. yes, yes it does. 

Rom-Coms are supposed to be fun, light-hearted stories about love even when the plot deals with lying - The Proposal, Sweet Home Alabama - so a movie that leaves you hurting more than comforted in sympathy with one of the main characters because the (apparent) love of their life is treating them like shit, then it doesn't deserve to be in the genre of Rom-Com. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💞🎬

In summary, Abby and Harper got 5 minutes of happiness in the beginning, and an eventual happy ending after a super rocky middle. The journey was painful and unenjoyable, and it made their happy ending unbelievable and, for Harper, undeserved because of her behaviour through 90% of the story. 

In short: it was not, in fact, the happiest season. 😕👎

[pagingevilspawn]

welcome to my blog!

(just thought i’d make a little thing so that my followers know i post about!) (updated!)

majority:

grey’s anatomy. jo wilson. alex karev. jolex. pretty little liars. euphoria.

including a large amount of:

criminal minds. aubrey plaza. millie bobby brown. april ludgate. stranger things. cat adams. spencer reid. mileven. el hopper. ludwyer. parks and rec. psych & characters. shules.  pretty little liars. euphoria. fexi.

.... with a good amount of:

rants. occasional blurbs of nothing. gif sets of whatever show i just finished binging. 

(if you don’t wish to see the random rambles of mine, just block the tag #payton rambles !)

what i write for:

jolex! but i am open to write for nearly any couple, ship, or character you see on my page! just send me a prompt!

rules for submitting a prompt / inbox rules: 

NO SMUT. i’m a minor. i don’t feel comfortable reading smut, much less writing it. if you are to request a prompt, please do not have it include smut. i’m perfectly okay with writing kissing, making out, (totally pg-13 over the clothes action) but anything more than that is not in my comfort zone. please respect that :) 

this one is kinda random, but you may notice i follow a lot of blogs that write ____ x reader fics. i don’t really read ____ x reader fics unless i find the plot incredibly interesting, so i wouldn’t feel comfortable writing one. just a heads up!

please do not hound for updates! i have some of the nicest followers so i’m very thankful that i haven’t had to deal with angry anons, but i know a lot of people have! i have a life outside of writing and tumblr, and contrary to popular belief, saying that you want/ demand and update isn’t very motivating to us writers. now, if you wanna give me the motivation to write? say something nice! nothing feels better than that! 

if i want y’all to drop a topic, please do so. if i don’t feel comfortable sharing something, please don’t ask again. like i said before, i have some really great followers, but i have seen this happen for so many other lovely people that i follow. 

no hate please! this is a given i hope. if you don’t like what i write, just don’t interact with it! plain and simple!

no real person fiction! i don’t feel comfortable reading so also means that i wouldn’t feel okay with writing it!

get to know me: 

hi, i’m payton! i’m sixteen years old, and my pronouns are she/her! i write, obsess over fictional characters, and become too emotionally attached to tv shows for my own good. 

i’m a bit of a slow writer. i often don’t finish the things i start. but if you send in a request, at some point in time (i’m not even joking when i say it will most likely take at least six months) i will fulfill it!

hope this helps everyone, and welcome to my blog!

[thiswasinevitableid]

Study Buddies (Sternclay)

I got several requests for this prompt as a meet ugly for Sternclay: you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn’t report me and now you’re trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don’t ‘owe’ you.” Fill is SFW

“I saw that.”

Stern freezes, hand still on the now-shut back door, “saw me putting out the garbage?”

“Nope” his coworker Barclay rumbles, “saw you taking the leftover pastries and giving them to the homeless guys who hang out in that plaza.”

“A few of them were from that batch you baked three hours ago, they were barely old, going to waste was ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you know Haye’s rule about that.”

“Yes, and I think it’s ridiculous too.” He crosses his arms, staring up at Barclay and daring him to tell him it isn’t.

“I agree. But you still got caught.”

“By you, not by him, now move so I can start wiping down the tables.”

“What, uh, makes you think I’ll keep my mouth shut?”

Stern turns, startled, “are you trying to fucking blackmail me?”

“No, uh, I mean-” Barclay’s gaze darts to the front of the coffee shop, where his friends make several encouraging motions.

“Of course” he groans, “Christ, Barclay, I didn’t think you’d stoop this low.”

“Look” the larger man takes a step, bringing him into Stern’s space, “I have a massive midterm paper due in a few weeks, and I need help. Big time.”

From this distance Stern can smell laundry detergent and burnt sugar, see a pleading tint in those deep brown eyes. He wants to punch him in his aggravating, handsome face.

“You owe me, Stern.”

“Like hell I do.”

“I’ve covered your ass more times than I can count when you’ve run late because of your internship.”

“And I’ve covered your ass all those times you were late because you were giving your friends rides.” He jabs his finger into Barclay’s chest and his hand is instantly enclosed in one of Barclay’s own

“I don’t want to tell Hayes anything, Stern, but I really, really don’t want to fail this fucking class.”

“Fine. I’ll help with your essay.”

“Not just mine, my friends need help too.”

“Oh no, no chance, deals’ off.” Stern pulls his hand away, “I can tolerate you, but they” he points to the group still sitting at the table, “have been nothing but awful and rude to me”

“They’re not-”

“They are too that bad, at least to me.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. It wouldn’t be those guys, it’d be some friends of mine from the LGBT center on campus.”

“Fine. But if one of those ones shows their face, I leave. Shake on it.”

Barclay talks his hand again, shakes it, and tells him to be at the LGBT center at 7 p.m tomorrow. 

--------------------------

Stern arrives at five til, finds Barclay sitting on a beanbag chair near a low table with four other people. One, a blonde girl in a green dress, pops up and walks over to him. 

“Hi, can I help you?”

“I’m here for him.” He points to Barclay.

“Oh! You’re the essay guy.”

“Yep, that’s me.” He smiles as politely as he can muster and joins her at the table. 

“Glad you came.” Barclay smiles at him.

“I didn’t have a choice.” He glares and the smile disappears.

“Everyone, this is Stern-”

“Joseph. Most people call me Joseph.”

“-and he’s gonna help with the midterm essay for our comp class.”

“Sweet!” The other girl at the table, black hair streaked with red, raises her hands triumphantly. 

“Do all five of you need help?” Stern looks around.

“Nope, just me, Duck” she points to a stocky guy in a Yosemite’ shirt, “and Barclay. Indrid and this cutie aren’t in that class.” She kisses the blonde’s cheek. That makes Indrid the guy with messily dyed silver hair and sketchbook, who’s currently laying with his head in Duck’s lap.

“Alright, that’s not too bad. Does someone have the assignment?”

Duck pulls it up on his laptop so Stern can read it. 

“Okay, so, it’s time to start outlining how you want to approach your topic.”

“Uhhhh.” Barclay looks at this friends, who shake their heads.

“None of you have a topic yet.”

“Nope.”

“When is this due?”

“Three weeks from yesterday.”

“And it’s worth how much?”

“45% of our final grade.”

Stern allows himself a few moments of vicarious stress, then gets to work. By the time the center closes, they all have topics selected, and Stern has instructions to come back on Monday.

He does just that, comes back Wednesday too. By Friday, he’s learned that he and Duck actually share a chem lecture and that Aubrey has many classes in the same building he does, as she always waves to him when they cross paths. On Friday night, he arrives to help them flesh out their outlines. 

“Colors?” Aubrey says as she braids pieces of twine while studying her notes for her midterm. 

“What?”

“Your pride colors; I’m making bracelets for everyone because it helps me focus.”

“Oh, um, trans pride ones. Please.”

“Good, already got those out.” She slides a pink, blue, and white bracelet across the table to Duck.

Barclay arrives with cookies, and they settle into their usual working rhythm, Stern bouncing between the three to see what they have and offering editorial advice. He’s sitting shoulder to shoulder with Barclay, enjoying the contact more than he cares to admit. 

“This is a little clunky here, I think I see your point but it’s getting lost.”

Barclay taps the table, then deletes and re-writes the section. 

“That’s way better.”

“What can I say, got a good teacher.” Barclay smiles at him, subdued yet charming, and Stern’s heart flips several times before he whacks it into submission. 

A week later, he turns up at the center to find the room rearranged and a larger group present. There’s a screen hung up on the far wall and Dani is tinkering with a laptop and projector. 

“I think I missed a memo.” He says to Duck as the other man is pouring two cups of soda. 

“Yeah, we decided to have a movie night and watch Dracula’s Daughter because Aubrey insists it’s a gay classic.”

“It’s quite good. I’ll, um, I’ll just head out then.”

“Y’know you can stay right? You ain’t just essay help, you’re our friend.” Duck gives him a look stuck between reassurance and concern.

“I guess I can, since I have tonight blocked off.” He goes in search of a seat and finds the only free spot is, of course, directly next to Barclay. 

Dani dims the lights and the move starts. There’s a rustle near his lap.

“Popcorn?” Barclay whispers. 

“Sure, thanks.”

As the movie plays on, their hands keep going for popcorn at the same instant and bumping each other. A few weeks ago this would have annoyed him to no end. Now he just wants to hold his hand. Barclay is different around these friends; gentler, funnier, his generosity given plentiful outlets. He’s been different at work too, less inclined to needle Stern and more interested in talking with him as they clean than in enabling his friends to stay late and make a mess. Stern’s noticed said friends do their fair share of shit-talking Barclay, the larger man seemingly so used to it he doesn’t react. But more and more Stern sees the flashes of exhaustion and hurt on his face. 

“You're not their servant, Barclay.”

“I know, I’m just being helpful.”

“That was half your cut of the tips they scammed off you.”

“It’s fine, Stern.”

“But”

“It’s fine.”

The group opts to watch Frankenstein meets the Wolfman next, and Barclay adjusts so his hand is flat on the ground on the other side of Stern. Stern leans to the side, resting against him, and lets himself pretend he could feel this safe and wanted all the time. 

----------------------------------

“Stern, wait up!” Barclay catches up to him as he walks home. It’s Wednesday night, meaning everyone’s essays are finally finished. When Aubrey asked if Stern was going to keep hanging out with them, he said he’d have to see about his schedule, and ignored the fact she knew he was lying. 

“What was that line about your schedule? You could still make time to hang out with us.”

“I’ll come back when you all need help on your finals.”

“....do you seriously think that’s all we care about? All I care about? Stern, they really like you, and it seemed like you were getting along with everyone.”

“I was, and I do like them. But I can’t keep being around you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Barclay steps in front of him, barring his path. 

“It means that I like you too, but am well aware of how you really feel about me. You act kind, you talk to me like I actually matter, like we’re actually friends, but deep down I know you still think I’m uptight and nerdy and deserve to be mocked for it.”

“I don’t, I swear” Barclay puts his hands on Stern’s shoulders, voice earnest, “I like you a lot, I’m so fucking glad we started hanging out more, I, I really care about you.”

“Care about me? How the fuck am I supposed to believe that when you still won’t even call me by my name!” He hisses, not wanting to wake the nearby apartments. 

“I...I was just using it like a nickname. I didn’t know it bothered you. I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely chagrined and the fire in Stern’s chest flickers out. He stares at the ground, not knowing what else to do.

“Joseph?”

He looks up in time to see Barclay bend forward, bringing their lips millimeters apart.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Do you” he exhales so intensely a nearby moth gets blown off course, “do you really want to?”

“Haven’t been able to think about anything else all night, babe. All week too.”

Stern closes the distance, Barclay’s hands gripping his arms when he does. The kiss is the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted and he lifts his hands up to Barclays cheeks, stroking them in a plea for more. 

Barclay obliges, slides his hands onto his back and pushes him forward, sighing soft and shaky when the kiss deepens. When it ends Stern stays put, rests his head on Barclay’s shoulder as he hugs him, shuddering with want.

“I gotcha babe, don’t worry.” Barclay pets his fingers through Sterns hair.

“Not worried your friends will see us?”

“Fuck ‘em. They were guys I knew in high school who knew how to manipulate me and I can do better. Like you, for starters. Plus Dani thinks their dicks too.”

“Knew there was a reason I liked her.”

“Now, if those friends saw us, we’d know because we’d hear Aubrey yelling ‘called it’ from a mile away.”

“Not that I’m opposed to sidewalk hugging, but it’s getting kind of cold.”

“C’mon” Barclay kisses his forehead, “let’s get you home.”

“Feel like joining me for some ‘coffee?’” Stern makes air quotes as Barclay takes his hand.

“Hell yeah I do. Can think of a lot of places I’d like to put cream.” 

“Not just yet, big guy, though I appreciate the enthusiasm.” Stern pauses his walking to kiss him, “tonight I think you and I have a make-out date on my couch.”

Another kiss, full of promise and the barest hint of heat, “sounds good to me, Joseph.”

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

200 MOVIES IN 2020, #35

happiest season. i probably would’ve watched this one next christmas instead of this one, if @actuallylukedanes​ hadn’t encouraged me to make it a priority after they saw it. also, i was aiming to end the year on 40 movies if possible, but i’ll be busy tomorrow and with things chaotic here it’s likely this will be my last one. 

i’m aiming for a more realistic 50 movies next year, rather than 200, and i’ll probably keep posting little reviews, because it’s fun. i’m still intending to watch the movies off my list--just more slowly--so if you recommended me any i haven’t gotten to, you’ll still get to see what i think.

this one was really good. trying to mostly avoid tumblr spoilers left me with the completely wrong impression that abby has an affair with riley, so i was pleased that didn’t happen--though i loved their scenes together. this cast is phenonomal, and i found most of them amazingly well suited to their roles.

possibly controversial opinion: i adore mackenzie davis but i didn’t really feel she was a perfect fit for her character? maybe because i’ve liked her in everything i’ve seen and that could be the problem: harper is meant to be a sometimes-unlikable character and sort of flattened out because she's holding herself back from being her whole self around her family...but that meant i did find her at times flat or unlikable! and i’ve never felt that way about mackenzie davis before; she’s usually so vibrant in everything she does, even dramas.

anyway, i do still love her though. she was excellent at the emoting. and i can’t believe how many other fabulous people they shoved into this one movie. dan levy! alison brie! aubrey plaza! it’s rare for me to get one of my faves as supporting cast in a thing, let alone three.

my only problem with the plot was the final conflict felt too smoothed-over for the sake of ending happy, when all the relationship problems were so one-sided. it didn’t feel fair to abby, at all. BUT, i will happily acknowledge that straight christmas romances have the same ending issue all the time, and i don’t wish to hold a gay romance to higher standards. i found it more relatable, so i was more invested, and thus took the ending more personally, that’s all. 

because of that, the abby and harper relationship isn’t why i loved the movie--the family dynamics and the individual characters and the friendships are all wonderful, and it just feels like a movie made by queer people, by those who understand the value of found family and the pain of rejection by your family of origin. i need a thousand more happy endings for us, and i liked that about this one.