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ambrosialdesire · 2 years ago

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inamorato

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS + BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: modern au!eren x fem!reader word count: 9.4k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, implied stalking, mentions of violence, implied noncon, soulmates au (red string of fate), bully & bad boy eren (pretty sure this is ooc lol), eremika mention, implied jean x reader, implied armin x reader, childhood friends to enemies, bullying, victim-blaming, cheating (soulmate cheating & actual cheating), underaged drinking (18-19 year olds partying & drinking), forced kissing, slight groping, blood mention, all characters are 18+ synopsis: when you were a child, you were told that you'd soon be connected to your soulmate, the partner you'd spend the rest of your life with. however, your hope began to run dry once you've gotten older and gotten over the idea of soulmates, especially when the man that you had to spend your life with forever is eren jaeger. a/n: wanted to try this idea out so i could do a refresher of my mind for the third part of the cacoethes series. hope it's a decent read for y'all, this was kind of a practice exercise so it's kind of a mess lol note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

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You were nine years old when it happened.

It was a few months before your ninth birthday when the Jaegers moved into the vacant house right in front of yours, the moving vans occupying the street for quite some time. From the window, you'd watch groups of people haul in boxes and furniture into the home until they finally left. The family had four members, the parents and two sons, one older and one younger.

Your parents told you to try and make friends with that younger son. He was fresh meat after all, he had to be scared of being the new kid on the block. You promised them that you would, that you'd do your best to make him feel comfortable here.

At the time, you were pretty scared to approach the family. The dad —who you learned was a doctor — had a frightening demeanor to him compared to his wife, her eyes kind as she waved at you from across the street whenever you were outside. You've noticed that the older son didn't really look like them, his blond hair a stark comparison to their dark brown hair; you eventually found out that he was the child of the dad's first marriage, rumors from other neighbors said that it was an unhappy one because they didn't "belong" to each other. He had to be at least four or five years older compared to you, so he wasn't interested in chit-chatting with you. When you knocked on the door to invite the younger son to play, he hid behind his mom, his hand gripping at her long skirt. What was fascinating about him that you've noticed first was his teal-green eyes that peeked out from behind when she coaxed him out to meet you.

"Hi! My name is Y/N, it's nice to meet you!" You greeted with a toothy smile, putting your hand out for him to shake.

"Eren." He took your hand and you tugged him out of the doorway to play. From there on out, it was like the two of you were inseparable.

Eren began to open up the more you played with him, seeing a more confident shine to him as the days went by. He'd innocently mess with you a lot, in a teasing and playful manner of course. One time, he found a wriggling earthworm in the rain-soaked dirt from the storm the day before and showed it off, soon chasing after you when he realized that it was scaring you. His mom gave him an earful when she found out about it and you felt really bad, sneaking a pack of gummy worms to him the day after.

He'd get himself in trouble a lot and when there was trouble, he'd always get hurt. If you looked back at it, there wasn't a day where you didn't see him with heaps of bandages attached to his skin or without a bloody nose. He said that he got them from protecting you but there wasn't really any known threats to a little eight year old you. You never questioned it once before, instead thanking him for protecting you like a knight would do for a princess.

You never realized it then that Eren wasn't the knight in your story, the almighty protector of your heart.

The two of you were the best of friends, the partners in crime of Maria Meadows Street. However, you started to hear the neighbors talk about how disappointing it would be if Eren wouldn't end up to be your soulmate. Confused on what that meant, you went to your parents about what that word was.

They sat you down the day before your birthday and explained what soulmates were. They told you that when you turned nine, maybe even ten, you would start to see a red string wrapped around your ring finger. It would be faint — fading in and out from sight — and sometimes there would be a slight tugging whenever you were too far from the one you were destined to. Destiny.

You held onto their words, excited to see that very string fastened around your finger. The thought of soulmates kept you up that night, silly little questions and concepts popping up. Who would they be? What would they be like? Would they like the same things as you? They better like sprinkles and strawberry milk but they better not like onions and brussels sprouts.

When you awoken, you checked your hand immediately, a giddy scream waking up the entire house. A bright red string was tied at the base of your ring finger, the other end of it free-floating in the air. It went through the wall towards the Jaeger household and when you checked outside your window to see how much further it went, it ended up going through their house. Before you could even question where it was going, the string faded from sight, and you went to your parent's bedroom to express your newfound joy about seeing the soulmate string.

The Jaegers were invited to your birthday party of course, but you weren't able to see them come in due to your relatives pulling you around to see how tall you've gotten and whether or not you got the string. It was a wonderful and fun time getting to see them again but your mind never left the thought of playing with Eren before getting to the cake. But you were never able to reach him, too busy catching up with your cousins.

When it was time to blow out the candles, your string popped up again, your eyes following its floating path and landing on the finger of no other than Eren Jaeger. You screamed out that it was him, that he was your soulmate — because what kid wouldn't express their initial surprise out loud — and his face suddenly burned a bright red.

Eren ran out before the happy birthday song started and you chased after him, following him to the secret spot that the two of you found. There was a clearing in the woods that sat behind the neighborhood block, dipping down into a slow-streaming creek; you started sharing it with him when he got in trouble with his mom again a few weeks ago. No one was able to stop either of you as your figures disappeared into the bushes.

You caught up to him, grabbing at the back of his t-shirt and questioning why he suddenly ran away when he started to angrily yell at you. He asked why did you have to tell everyone about it, saying that you made him feel ashamed. You apologized to him, you were just surprised that it was him!

It was meant to be right from the start, right when you held his hand and pulled him out of his house, but he thought otherwise. You tried to convince him to come back with you, but before you realized it, he pushed you into the creek. You landed on a group of stones and he caused your adorably coordinated birthday outfit to get completely soaked and dirtied. Tears started to streak down your face as Eren finally yelled out:

"I don't wanna end up with you! I don't even like you!"

Those words completely shattered your world. You got from the creek and ran home, facing your worried parents completely dirtied and sobbing heavily. Eren didn't come back to his home for a while, you knew that it was because he was going to be in deep trouble, but his parents apologized to yours for his behavior and apologized to you for messing up your party. It wasn't the only thing that Eren messed up.

After that day, you stopped going to the Jaeger house to see him, your string tugging frustratingly. Eren didn't even make the same effort to see you either. His mom went over to your house and asked if you would like to attend his birthday a month after your b-day party, but you politely declined, crying into your pillow afterwards. As quickly as your friendship came, it ended just as fast. His attitude towards you didn't get better either, it had only gotten worse. When school started, the hope that you originally had of him coming back to you started to slowly die out year after year.

He wasn't in the same classes as you luckily for the remainder of elementary school, but he had made two more friends. Mikasa, a shy girl who clung to his side like you had once done, and Armin, a smart boy who seemed too nice to be hanging around someone like him. It was an odd trio but they weren't as nice as they seemed, turning a blind eye whenever Eren started to push you around during recess.

You'd come home with scraped hands and knees, sniffling and trying to hide it from your parents. When the school staff was watching, he'd whisper nasty things to you, things like how much he hated having to be your soulmate and if he could, he would cut the string between the two of you. One time, he told you while pushing you into the blacktop that he wished that the two of you never became friends in the first place. To you back then, that broke your heart completely.

The teachers knew that you and him were soulmates — the town you lived in was small enough to get word around — so they just believed his teasing was just what boys usually do when they have a crush. Why did they ignore the fact that he was hurting you severely?

Middle school wasn't easy either, he treated you even worse than before. He resorted to pulling your hair when you were walking to class, snickering when the force of it nearly made you fall over. He'd trip you, spit at you, make you buy him snacks for him and his friends with the money that was supposed to be for your lunch. He'd threaten you that if you went to counselors or the administration, he'll make your life even more of a living hell. The tiny part of you that still loved him gnawed at your insides but what he was doing to you wasn't right. Because of him, you were never able to make friends. The whole grade knew that Eren was your bully and left you alone, not wanting to be involved with the trouble he was causing.

The bullshit reasoning that he'd tell you was because soulmates were supposed to be willingly take everything the other dishes out. It was stupid, the only thing you've done to him was call out in front of his and your family that he was your soulmate. It wasn't fair. He can't just use that excuse whenever he wants when he always stated that he never wanted to be with you in the first place.

One day in the eighth grade, you had it with his torment. It was in the winter, snow had already built up everywhere. You were walking home all bundled up, he and his lackeys close behind. Trying to ignore Eren's laughing, you quickened your pace until he grabbed your backpack from behind. You told him to let go but he smirked, ripping it off of your back. He rummaged through it while you were held back by Mikasa — she was crazy strong for a thirteen year old — your eyes widening as he suddenly tossed your homework and notebooks into the dirty melted snow.

You don't remember how you got out of Mikasa's hold, your blood running hot as you ran and jumped onto Eren, the two of you falling hard to the ground. When you lifted your fist, you felt your string draw taut as if it was a string of a bow and once it was released, you started to punch his face. The commotion stirred the neighborhood and you had to be torn off of him, screaming about how much you hated his guts and how he treated you like trash. Your knuckles were all bruised up and sore, he ended up with a black eye, a bunch of bruises and open wounds around his face. Those injuries were minute than the pain he caused you for years.

After that, Eren left you alone. The two of you never apologized about what had happened, you knew he wasn't sorry and neither were you. He never went back up to you to make fun of something you were wearing or ask for money for his favorite chips, it was like he was a total stranger. You gladly wanted to keep it that way.

Since Eren stopped bothering you, high school was better. There was finally a peace of mind. You passed though freshman, sophomore, and junior year in flying colors. You were able to make new friends, better ones than him.

One friend was someone that you never thought you'd be friends with. Armin went up to you in junior year, apologizing for how he ignored how Eren treated you. Better late than never, you supposed.

He asked if the two of you could somehow be friends. It bothered you since he was still known to be a part of his clique, so you told him that it would be best if the two of you started as acquaintances. To your surprise, he agreed and respected your wishes. He didn't push much besides sharing class notes and studying tips since he was usually in the same classes as you. He really shouldn't be friends with him, you still didn't understand why he still considered him one when he knew that he was a good-for-nothing asshole.

Otherwise than that, you tried avoiding Eren the minute you stepped foot in the school, taking advanced classes so you wouldn't see those teal-green eyes glaring holes in the back of your head. Going on different paths to class and eating in hidden areas during lunch were more cheap tactics you did to ensure that you'd never see him ever again, and for a long time, it worked. You were happily thriving, unlike him.

It was known that he was the so-called "bad-boy" of Shiganshina High. You've also heard that he was currently dating Mikasa and was an insane partygoer. He got into fights, eventually causing and winning enough of them to be called the "Shiganshina Devil". You knew that his parents had to have constant headaches with the amount of trouble he was getting himself into.

It was truly frightening to see where he had ended himself up at, how your paths diverged immensely. You also heard that he wasn't doing too bad in his classes so they haven't expelled him yet, you could only assume that it was because of his father.

A few more months before the end of the senior year, he was coming out of juvenile detention for the supposed fifth time since being in high school. After years of never seeing him, there he was standing in your ceramics elective class introducing himself. The staff thought a peaceful class would subdue his "violent" tendencies until they make him graduate, but not when you were going to be in it, fate had it out for you.

He looked different, your string tugging as you gawked at him in shock. Eren was taller — back then, you used to be a few centimeters taller and he complained about it when the two of you were still friends — and he was now considerably more muscular under the leather jacket he wore. His brown hair grew out to the point where he tied it back messily in a bun, strands still sticking out in the front of his face. His ears were covered in silver piercings and when he spoke, the glint of a tongue piercing stuck out. Rings wrapped around his long fingers, though his left ring finger was strangely left bare.

He had a tired and bored expression, his eyes wandering the classroom until they met yours. They widened slightly but relaxed after the teacher told him to take the empty seat in the back. The empty seat that just had to be right by you.

Eren sat right next to you, immediate tension growing in the air. You refused to acknowledge him, he would not ruin this for you. He seemed to ignore you as well, twirling around the necklace that hung low against his chest. The teacher was rambling about the best methods in which you should attach the pieces of clay workings together and when you were writing down the notes, in the edges of your vision, you saw teal-green observing you. You bit your tongue, turning your attention back to the teacher.

"You look different." He spoke quietly under his breath, his voice deeper. His tone was bluntly precarious, testing the waters as if you were the threat. You shuffled uncomfortably, the grip on your pencil tightening.

"Right back at you." You muttered, writing once more. If you looked at him right now, you were afraid of what your heart might think when your brain was definitely thinking the opposite. A light chuckle was heard and stupidly, your heart skipped a beat. The reappearance of the red string made your finger twitch, his eyes taking notice.

You almost yelped aloud as he suddenly grabbed your hand, his fingers carefully caressing the area where it was tied. You abruptly recoiled your hand away from him, holding it close to your chest in numb shock. You finally looked at him dumbfounded, seeing a smile grow on his face. That very smile that meant trouble was brewing in his head, how could you ever forget that cruel grin.

"There's my favorite face." What the hell?

The bell rang and you hurriedly gathered your items, getting out of the room before he could catch up with you. You couldn't let him see the flush that grew on your face and you couldn't let him back into your life. On the upside, this class was the only one you were forced to see him in. Just grin and bear with it until graduation.

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"Are you serious!?" Both of your shoulders were suddenly gripped together as you stared at your best friend with a tight-lipped smile.

"Dead serious."

"Dude you're never making it out alive, your soulmate is literally the monster of this school." You pinched the bridge of your nose, annoyance rising the more you thought about Eren.

"It's the only class I see him in Jean, I'll live."

"You might think that but then he'll suddenly shank you from the behind with a piece of hardened clay," He pretended to stab at your side, tickling you instead. "What will I do if my dear friend dies under the hands of the Shinganshina Devil?"

You jokingly rolled your eyes from his dramatics, pulling away from his hands. "Don't say that corny ass title, just call him Eren. And besides, you have Connie and Sasha and Marco to entertain. I'll genuinely be fine. As long as I ignore him, he should leave me alone."

He frowned and you could tell that he was still worried, patting his hands gently. "I promise that if he does give me trouble, I'll go to the office. He doesn't have any power here because of his reputation, they're more likely to believe me than him."

Jean finally let out an exasperated huff and stuck out his pinky in front of you.

"Cross your heart?"

You wrapped yours around his, solidifying the promise.

"Hope to die."

You met Jean in your English class during sophomore year, back then you've only knew him as one of the quarterbacks on the football team. You didn't know much about football in general but he was the one that approached you first at your locker, asking for help on one of the essays that was due in a week.

He told you that you were known as the "smarty-pants" in class so he swallowed his pride because this was the only class he was having trouble in. You laughed at his face — apologizing to him shortly after wiping your tears away — explaining that you thought English was the most basic and easiest subject to get through. His face turned red and he started backing out of the conversation, arguing with you that it was far from easy. You refuted back about how could he mess up the first language he learned, leaving him stunned for a minute, then asking grumpily if you were going to help him or not. Grabbing the paper from his hands, you agreed to assist with the assignment.

From there, you learned that he wasn't just a sport-focused jock, he was authentic and enjoyed art more than football, doing the sport only because his dad made him. He was sweet and funny, dependable when you needed it. He was the shoulder that you needed to cry on those many years ago and soon enough, you confided in him about your soulmate.

Jean let you rant about it, deeply listening about how much suffering you had to go through just because you made an innocent little announcement about how Eren was going to be with you forever. He told you that it wasn't your fault, that you were just a kid, Eren was just a brat that didn't appreciate what he had and consequently took it out on you with his own insecurity. He told you everything that you needed to hear. Your parents and past teachers have always told you that in time, he'd realize that he loved you but there was never any progress. Why give all those hopeless dreams to that little girl?

If there was ever a chance to choose your soulmate, Jean Kirschtein would be the first pick. Whoever he was fated to was surely lucky.

The two of you let go of the pinky promise, his hand dropping down to his side until his eyes suddenly narrowed behind you. He grabbed you and held you to the side of the lockers, as if he was trying to hide you.

"Speak of the devil."

You partially snorted at the joke, turning your head and seeing Eren walking with Mikasa at his side. She had taken a darker gothic look to her when she reached high school, you didn't know whether it was because of her boyfriend's style or just the style she chose to wore. Either way, she still looked scarily good.

"I really can't see how they're still together when he's so shitty." Jean leaned in and whispered in your ear as they passed by.

"She's been like that since elementary school, she's just that in love with him." You whispered back and he made a face.

"Even if she knows that you're his soulmate?" The tug of your string reminded you of the fate you weren't able to change, teeth clenching.

"Soulmate or not, I don't belong to him. And it's not like I'm being cheated on, I'm not going to wait for someone that never liked me in the first place." As you bitterly responded, you watched the two disappear down the hallway, Mikasa kissing his cheek before the doors closed in on them.

If Eren wanted her, it was fine by you. He's established that he'd never love you and that wasn't going to ever change.

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"Horse-boy huh," Eren flicked a piece of balled paper in your direction, landing it right in front of your notebook while you were writing. "Expected better from you."

You promptly ignored him, brushing off the paper ball and trying to focus on your education rather than the nuisance next to you. Jean did not look anything resembling a horse, unless he was poking fun at his athletics. He didn't take your silence kindly however, hearing his tongue click quietly. You could feel his presence lean in close to you, his voice dropping down to a whisper.

"You guys fucking?" If your pencil was wooden, it would've broken from the amount of pressure you were putting on it. What a weirdly personal question to ask someone. And a disgusting one at that, especially towards the person he'd used to knock around for shits and giggles.

You wondered if you said yes, he'd leave you alone but you didn't want Jean get roped into this. Shooting a glare at him, you shrugged him away, going back into writing your notes. You heard a huff from him but he moved away, his clothes shuffling.

The both of you sat quietly for a while until the teacher announced that the final piece will be in partners due to budget cuts, but the partners would be the person you sat next to. Your heart sank deeply into the pit of your stomach and without even looking, you could imagine the smug smirk that his face had.

"Lucky me, at least I’m seated with someone I know."

"You don’t know me," You bluntly stated, irritatingly shoving your notebook into your backpack before the bell rang. "And let's keep it that way. All we will do is talk in this class and do our work, that's it."

Eren watched you get up, a stupid smirk still on his face. He got up and towered over you, his nefarious teal-green stare matching up to your irked glower. Your stomach twisted as you saw your reflection in the color, a cold sweat running down your back. How funny it was that after all these years, part of you was still terrified of him.

"Deny it as much as you like Y/N, there's no one who knows you better than your soulmate."

The bell ringing was like music to your ears and like yesterday, you got out of there as fast as possible. He's so scummy for thinking that he still can use it against you. Opening your phone on the way to your next class, you checked your email to see if any colleges had answered your admissions. They were mostly all out-of-state because you couldn't stand the thought of seeing Eren in any of the in-state ones.

"Y/N! Thank God you came out alive." A body collided into yours, a small oof coming out of you.

"I towld ou I'd be fwine." You replied, words muffled from being crushed into his chest. Jean finally pulled away, jokingly hitting you over the head.

"That doesn't make me worry any less."

A smile grew on your face as he rested a hand on your shoulder, the thoughts of Eren washing away. When the storm dissipated, the sun was always there to dry all the worries away. He was about to walk you to your next class when both your name and Jean's was called out, the dread coming back.

"I thought I wasn't able to catch up with you Y/N, you should try out for track and field." He panted dramatically, hands resting on his knees. Standing back up, he smugly grinned down at you. "Actually you can't anymore huh, since it's our last year in high school."

"What do you want Jaeger?" Jean spoke up for you, pulling your body closer to his protectively by the waist. You hoped that he didn't feel how hard your heart was beating right now. His eyes darted from one to the other, an eyebrow raising as if he put two and two together.

"I wanted to know why you keep hanging around my soulmate." The more he said that, the more of a migraine was forming.

He scoffed in response, rolling his eyes. "As if you can say anything, you're literally going out with Mikasa. Or did you suddenly forget that?"

You felt like you could see the tension between them, sparks of electricity flying off of each other's stares. The more he gets involved, the higher probability he'd end up as his next "meal". That's what you've heard others say about the fights he gets into, as if he was the top carnivore in the food chain.

"Jean, let's just go." Passively tugging at the side of his jersey, his eyes finally tore away from Eren's and the two of you started walking to your next class. Before the doors closed, you took one last glance back at him. He still had the smile and lifted up his left hand, waving at you.

In that moment, a flash of the red string revealed itself. There it was, wrapped around his empty ring finger. The doors closed, red fading away.

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Two months or so passed by after that incident, graduation nearing with every day. Frustratingly, Eren hasn't been attending the ceramics class, which meant that you were alone working on the final project. Not that you mind, this was the best outcome possible but you hated the fact that he just left you to do all the grunt work. There was word that he gotten himself into another fight and that's why he was consistently absent, but you swore that you've been seeing him in the edges of your vision. Even when you weren't at school, there was a familiar feeling that he was right there. Yet, every time you assumed it was him and turned to look, he disappeared like a cloud of smoke.

You had to be losing it, there was no other explanation.

Finally being fed up with it, you approached Armin and asked where Eren was. He told you that he's been attending class the entire time. Every class except yours. Did the blockhead finally realize boundaries or something because he can practice that while attending ceramics. You weren't going to go beg for him to come back; if he wasn't going to come, whatever. That's his grade that he's fucking up.

In better news, Jean told you that a big graduation party was going on in his house after the ceremony — hinting at the fact that none of his parents would be in town — and you gladly took his invitation. You weren't the biggest party-goer in the first place but it would be nice to celebrate the end of your K-12 education. Plus, you haven't celebrated much in over ten years due to what happened with Eren, so it would also be something akin to a commemoration of a new beginning for you.

For the project, you decided to make a teapot with a set of two cups. Someone sat next to you while you were busy forming one of the teacups, your attention to the craft unwavering.

"No hello?" You nearly dropped the clay formation to the floor, your shoulders tensing. You took a slow breath before looking up at the person.

"Eren."

His hand reached over and started playing around with a loosened strand of your hair that you didn't tie up. He wasn't wearing the leather jacket anymore — the late April weather most likely prevented him from using it — and had on a fitted white t-shirt instead. Your eyes wandered to his well-knitted upper arms, seeing layered designs inked into his tan skin. Wow.

You quickly cleared your throat, turning back to your creation before he caught you staring.

"You've been ditching class."

He let out a soft chuckle, shrugging nonchalantly. "I've been busy. I told the staff that they should give me a free period around this time but they denied my request, telling me that my dad had a hand in the decision."

Would that be considered nepotism in Eren's case? His hand left your hair and trailed down your arm, feeling the cool rings slide down your skin. He smoothly grabbed the floral designed teacup from your hand while you were distracted with his touch, pulling it up to his face to observe it.

"I'm working on that, careful!" You scolded in exasperated tone, trying to grab it back from him. He scooted the chair away from you, still looking at the cup.

"You're only making this for our final?"

"My final, you haven't worked on anything since you ditched. And I already finished the teapot." He raised an eyebrow at you, handing it back to you.

"Then I'll do the other cup, that's your plan isn't it?" Eren removed each one of his rings and put them in his bag pocket. He then reached over and grabbed a handful of clay from the block, starting to knead it under his hands.

Wait. How did he know that? Your notes weren't currently out and he definitely hasn't been around you to see what you were making for the class. It could be an accurate guess of course, it wouldn't make sense for a tea set to have only one teacup.

"Fine, but it better look good. I'd rather not settle with a C in a simple art class, thank you very much."

The two of you sat in silence, focused on the project in each other's own hands. The atmosphere was... peaceful? Comfortable? There was still some sort of unease in the air, but there was something tranquil about it, in an odd way.

If you and Eren had never known each other in the past, perhaps there was a chance that the whole soulmate route could've worked out. Would he have ended up differently if you never had that outburst? You couldn't really imagine him alternatively from what he was now, it was difficult to think of him as anything but a bully.

Glancing over at what he was working on, you suddenly felt your heart flutter and string tighten. Eren formed the clay into a heart shape, the cup was still kind of rough in some areas but it was still cute regardless. He picked up a carving tool and started making designs on the side, straying from your intended design but nevermind that. It was nice he was putting in some effort for the final.

You watched him put the tool inside of the cup and carve something inside, settling it down afterwards.

"Done."

"Can I see what you did?" As you reached over, he seized your wrist with one clay-dirtied hand.

"Nope. Are you done with yours?" You sighed and nodded, pulling your hand out of his grip. In a flash, he grabbed yours and started carving inside of it. Internally you were screaming, thinking that he was going to ruin it but he handed it back to you afterwards in one piece. You took a look on the inside and on the bottom of the cup, there were his initials carved in.

E.J.

Irritation bubbled within you. Did he do that as some sort of ploy for credit? You carefully snatched his created cup, peering at the bottom. He didn't stop you, only observing. The original anger soon quickly dissipated, the feeling replaced with a stewing bittersweetness.

Eren wrote in your initials but your last name was a J instead. What was he trying to imply?

"Why did you...?" Speechlessly, you scanned his gaze with a puzzled complexion. What were you searching for, what did you even want to see? There was nothing but that empty teal-green abyss that you've woefully admired for years.

"You're fucking with me again, aren't you?"

You tried to not look as if all of your hope was given up all over again. Instead of physically harassing you, he's resorted to emotional and psychological tricks. Why did that hurt more than getting actually hit? You needed to stop forgetting that Eren was no longer that kid, that same kid you've chased around the hidden creek during the months where you still considered each other as companions.

You got up from your seat to clean off the dried clay from your hands, feeling it crumble and fall away just like the remaining pieces of your heart. You could feel tears well up when you knew it wasn't supposed to, letting out a quiet sigh out. This time around, all you were going to focus on was yourself, graduation, and Jean's party. No more Eren, no more soulmates, no more red string.

Just you.

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"Are you all ready to go absolutely crazy tonight?!"

You winced as the megaphone in Jean's hands blared in your ears, covering up the side of the ear where he was. The crowd cheered just as loudly as he did, Connie playing airhorns on the sound system to hype them up even more. You didn't expect the turnout to be this large but you shouldn't expect anything less from one of the most popular athletic students.

"Then let's make this a night to remember, Shiganshina graduates!" You watched him throw the megaphone in someone else's hands, then jump down from the stage that held the music booth, the crowd enveloping him with excited shouts and screams. You immediately lost him in the wave of people, sighing in amusement. You knew he was going to be fine but you would definitely find him later on clutching for life over a toilet.

Now, where to start your own version of a little celebration? Shoving yourself through, you entered the jam packed house, trying to apologize with every person you passed by. Suddenly, a hand grabbed you and pulled you through the clumped up bodies into a decently spaced out area.

"Armin?" The blond sheepishly smiled, raising a red solo cup as a greeting towards you.

"Thought you weren't the party-girl type."

"I thought you weren't even the type to party. Aren't you someone that only spends time locked up in their room with stacks of books?" He laughed, shaking his head.

"It seems that we both aren't like what we were supposed to be." He grinned and gave you his cup, tapping the kitchen counter to get Marco's attention. He handed him another solo cup, presumably with the same liquid as what he gave to you. You couldn't really tell what it was due to the party lights but when you pulled it up to your mouth, you could smell the scent of a very strong liquor.

Fuck it, why not. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, might as well get a little fucked up. It'll help you temporarily forget thinking about him all the time.

You took a quick little inhale and started downing the cup. You cringed as the sharp burn of alcohol went down your throat, feeling a little warm afterwards. Crushing the cup in one hand, you looked up at Armin with a crooked, flushed out smile.

"Another please."

Each drink came by in a blur, your mind melting and meshing together. You knew you were currently on the dance floor, probably in the backyard again, strangers' bodies rhythmically clashing into yours. Some loud music Connie put on was incoherently playing and you felt someone place their hands around your waist from behind, a tipsy giggle coming out of you. As you took a glance back, you were not surprised in the slightest on who your sudden dance partner was.

Armin was dancing behind you, a dark red blush already formed on the apples of his cheeks. His blue eyes hazily looked down at you and you turned around, playfully pulling him in towards you by his white button up. His hands never left the curves of your hips, almost barely lifting up your tank top and touching your bare skin. The warmth that was shared between your two drunk bodies was sweltering, the immense tension between each other growing with each sway and laugh.

There were rumors back in school on who his soulmate is. Some say he's Annie's but due to Bertolt being consistently around her, a handful were unconvinced. Very few said that it was Mikasa, another little group spread the joke around that Jean was his soulmate. At this moment, who cared?

Eren had been dating Mikasa for nearly four years, of course they had PDA before. You? You didn't even have your first kiss yet.

One part of you had always wanted to give your first kiss to Jean, but he was too dear for you to lose as a best friend. The other part of you, the little devil on your shoulder, wanted to be petty. To give something that was originally intended for a soulmate to his very best friend, it would be more than enough revenge for you.

Sliding your hand up his body to the curvature of his neck, you pulled him down to your level. You leaned in close to his face, the two of you panting from dancing. You never knew how lovely his blue eyes were as they shined under the colored lights, you were always too afraid too look at him back then.

Armin was the one that made the first move, pressing his lips against yours, his eyes closing as soon as contact was made. You returned his affections, your own eyes closing as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. Through his kiss, you could taste the bitterness of alcohol on his lips. His hands squeezed your hips, a shiver going through your entire body. He was gentle — not pushing for anything more — his soft lips finally leaving yours.

Your heart was beating hard as you gazed upon those eyes of his, swearing up and down that you had instantaneously felt butterflies nervously swirl around in your stomach. If Eren could date others, you can too. What was stopping you besides a flimsy ass string?

"Y/N, I—" Armin paused, his eyes connected with something behind you. They suddenly widened with a particular kind of fear, the red blush of his face immediately draining white. It seemed that he had sobered up, removing his body from yours and backing away in a frightened manner.

"I-I'm so sorry!" What?

He ran off, leaving you confused and with mixed emotions. You couldn't have been that bad at kissing right? Give yourself a break, it was your first kiss after all. Hands made their place on your shoulders, alarms beginning to blare in your head. Before you could turn to see who it was, one hand shot up and wrapped around your mouth while the other quickly went around your waist, forcefully pulling you back.

You struggled hard, trying to fight against the stranger that was kidnapping you but the alcohol in your system made it difficult to do much. The other partygoers seemed to not notice you, either too drunk off their asses or maybe even high off of something.

Without much thought, you began to bite down on the person's fingers as hard as you possibly could. They yelled out in pain and let you go, your body falling to the concrete. You winced as you felt your knees and hands scrape against the coarse rocks. Before you were able to get up, they grabbed your arm and lifted you back up to your feet, slamming you against the wall. A hand pressed one of your shoulders firmly against the textured brick, keeping you trapped.

"Ten years later and you're still a fucking bitch." A chill ran down your entire body, sobering reality hitting like a truck. Those piercing eyes glimmering in the party lights glared down at you coldly, a grimace on his face.

"It takes one to know one," You spat back in reply. "Last time I checked, Jean didn't invite you."

Eren suddenly started laughing, shaking his head. You were stunned in disbelief, he thinks this is some kind of joking matter?

"You think a little paper invite is gonna stop me from coming? God, I don't even know how they let you into the honor roll with that mind of yours."

Your face grew hot and you shoved his hand off of your shoulder. This party was supposed to be your way of forgetting about him. He can't keep showing out the blue right when you were moving on and focusing on better things in your life.

"What do you even want Eren?"

He stopped laughing, his gaze growing more intense as he looked down at you. You suddenly felt like you were shrinking the more he stared down at you in distaste.

"It's a funny story actually, I wanted to get drunk as any other person here but then I saw my whore of a soulmate sucking face with my best friend right in the middle of the crowd," It was your turn to feel the color drain from your own face. "It's really funny, isn't it? She's so desperate for my attention, she'd give her own body to anyone who's asking, even if it's someone like Armin."

You shoved him back, his body colliding into the wooden fence behind him. You were trembling, fists shakily balling up.

"For your information, Armin kissed me first. And you know damn well that you out of all people, have no right to call me a whore. I don't even know where to begin with how much you've treated me like shit either." You started to let loose everything you wanted to say to him, tears welling up and dripping down your cheeks. He stood up, his head down and face unreadable as you continued to chew him out.

"And how fucking dare you! Why still consider me as 'soulmate property' when all you've been doing for years is torture me?!"

Maybe it was the alcohol still circulating in your body that was making you too emotional, but in the first time in forever, you sobbed in front of him. Eren stood quietly as you sniffled, swiping your wrists over your wettened cheeks.

"There's nothing you can fix Eren, this string hasn't done anything but torment us. What ties us together isn't love, it never has been and it never will be." You wanted to go home, he ruined everything as always. The only redemption he'd ever get is that he would never speak to you ever again.

You opened the metal side door of Jean's home and began to walk out when you felt his hands grab your shoulders once more and turn you around. Like clockwork, you balled up your fist and was ready to punch him in the face until he grabbed that very hand's wrist and held it back against the door. You struggled against his grip, eyes wide in shock.

"What are you- Eren! Let me g—"

He interrupted you, his lips slamming onto yours roughly. A dull throbbing pain emerged as his teeth clashed into yours. The back of your head hit the metal door, a resonant clang bouncing off as it was forcibly shut closed. His free hand curled around the dip of your back and pulled your body closer to his.

Eren's tongue forced its way through your mouth, the metal ball rolling around against your tongue. He kissed you as if he was starving, as if it was vital that he had to have you like this. It was completely overwhelming. The shock put you in a hazy daze, your body burning up to a scalding and uncomfortable heat.

Unlike Armin's, he was needily intense. He messily intermingled his saliva with yours, pushing even more deeply into you. It was suffocating, he was suffocating. Through the thickened haze, you felt his hand trail down to the curve of your ass and something solid was slowly rubbing against your thigh, immediate fear coursing through your body.

Without a second to waste, you bit down as hard as you could. Eren cried out in pain in your mouth and pulled away from you, his hand shooting to his face. He removed his hand and you saw a dark liquid dripping down his chin, the taste of iron and a spherical object in your mouth soon coming into realization.

Spitting out whatever was in your mouth into your hand, immediate nausea started to come in waves as you gazed upon it. You felt dizzy and out of breath, your heart wildly beating to the point where it started to ache.

You ignored the squeeze of the string, feeling it tighten till you were sure that circulation had cut off. The two of you shared a look, yours reflected a terrified stare and his... his pupils were blown out with a mortifying desire. A desire that you did not want any part in.

You dropped the piercing and ran, completely horrified to look back.

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You didn't tell anyone what had happened afterwards. You texted Jean that you left after a few drinks and thanked him for the invite, but you neglected to tell him the other bits and pieces. He didn't need to know or else he'd get all worked up about it. You didn't have Armin's phone number but you assumed that his friendship was still intact, occasionally seeing the blond visit the Jaeger household every few days or so. All he will be would be the one that took your first kiss from you.

It was difficult trying not to think about what had occurred in Jean's party. How can you even forget that kind of moment? You didn't even know what Eren wanted from you anymore, did he still hate you or did he finally realize he had feelings for you far too late in life? What a jackass. Technically, he cheated on Mikasa and that made him even more scummier than before. Regardless, you weren't ever going to reciprocate.

There was a particular temptation to smash the cup that Eren made into itty bitty pieces. When the two of you got an A on the final, you told him he could keep his cup. It was only fair after all.

He refused, instead taking the one that you made. You watched him carefully tuck it into his backpack, partially in awe that he actually cared to keep it from breaking. All you were left with was the teapot and his heart-shaped teacup. Instead of throwing it away, you put it on a shelf next to other various trinkets of yours. Now that you were looking at it now, a mix of a melancholy frustration occupied your thoughts.

The weeks after the party, you tried avoiding getting out of the house unless your parents strictly forced you to. Fate had always been against you so if there was even a minute where you were alone, you knew that Eren would mysteriously come along. Your parents just assumed that it was college jitters and you were afraid of leaving home, but unfortunately it was really more than that. It was not their burden to bear — they were already too old to be worrying about soulmate issues — this was your mess and you had to deal with it like an adult.

In better news, the college that you've wanted to go to since junior year graciously accepted your application. Sooner or later, you were flying a few states over for orientation and to check into the apartment that you and your parents found after the acceptance. You got the email mid-June while you were still moping over the party incident, screaming the house awake once more as if it was your ninth birthday.

You told Jean over the phone, the speakers nearly blowing out on his side of the call. The two of you promised to try syncing up breakfast and dinners since you were moving in a city with a separate time zone, and he'd update you on what's happening back in the town. He decided to take a gap year, the sole reason he explained to you was to gain work experience from what his dad was doing. You joked saying that you would be graduating before he would; in response, he told you to piss off and have a safe flight.

You tried having the move be as downlow as possible, making the decision to only bring essentials and anything else that was too big and noticeable would stay at home. It sucked that it had to be this way — you worried that you might leave something important behind — but you didn't want to catch the attention of anyone that wasn't family or friends.

You adjusted the bag on your back, flicking the edge of the orientation pamphlet that was handed over to you before entering the university. The map layout was on the front, other pieces of information were inside, ranging from various major and club booths to scheduled times of educational presentations the university was providing for today. For fun, you were thinking of joining the photography club or one of the book clubs, slinking through the crowd to get to the booths. After checking out the booths, you were going to one of the presentations for your chosen major.

This had to be your most peaceful moment in your life. The air was fresh and everyone was so kind, it was a relief that none of them knew about the person that haunted your very being. He no longer shadowed you, consumed you to the point where your identity was constantly associated with his.

You entered the room that the designated presentation was being held in and settled in the back, getting the full view of the space. No one was inside yet, maybe because you had got here just a little bit too early. It was fine however, it let you quietly observe without looking too weird.

This university was on the slightly older side, the seats were still the big wooden seats that served as a table at the same time with a deflated cushion and one side of the walls had stained glass windows, softly reflecting the colors onto you. It was a charming place, you'd love to attend a class in here.

There was a sound of someone settling down besides you, the seat creaking with age. You wanted to make any friends that were in your major as quickly as possible, miss any opportunity to befriend someone and you'd be lonely and struggling the entire time you'd be here. Turning towards the stranger, you began to extend your hand and greet them, until you fell short on your words when your eyes connected.

"E-eren?"

It couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

How did he know where you were attending? You never told anyone besides Jean and your parents. Jean would never tell anyone, especially him out of all people, and you've begged your parents not to publicly post anything about where you were attending until you graduated. Your jarred confusion must've amused him because a pleased grin started to form on his face, his head resting on his hand as he stared back at you. The glow of the string illuminated the side of his face, malice reflecting off of him.

Those cursed teal-green eyes, a color of a persistent poison with no antidote.

Everything crashed down on you, the world turning upside down. You abruptly stood up, stumbling backwards as you tried to get away. He didn't make a move, only watching you idiotically bumble around. Like a predator stalking its prey, you could tell when he was getting ready to strike. Maybe he had already got you wrapped up in his web, you just never realized it until now.

As you tried to get out of the room, the door handle didn't budge. Terror shot through you and you still tried to open it, tugging and pushing against the wooden door. You cried out in panic, beginning to hit the door with your fists, hopeful that anyone outside would hear you. A few minutes went by and no one came, your luck at an all time low.

Nothing. Nothing you did worked at all.

You finally faced him unwillingly, watching him stick out his tongue. A hand went over your mouth in shock. Nearly from the middle to the tip, there was a healed slit. He moved it and you gasped, his tongue parting in two. Oh God, what the hell happened? Wait... where did the metal ball go?

In that very moment, that very night came back to you in a flash. The taste of blood. The spherical piercing in your mouth. Your stomach churned in horrid disgust.

You did that.

"So..." Eren put away his tongue and got up from his seat, slowly nearing you. You were shaking, the feeling of consciousness slipping away as your heart hammered too fast for everything else in your body to keep up.

"Won't we finish what you've started?"

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