#atsushi going 'THAT'S why dazai abandoned you'

[monstersqueen]

akutagawa's capability for gentleness and atsushi's ability for violence <3

[starlightshadowsworld]

Atsushi being a defiant little shit who makes his opinions clear and will just not do things if he doesn't need too.

He rolls his eyes at Akutugawa's rants. He raises an eyebrow at Dazai's antics and knows the second he's being messed with.

He respects Ranpo's ability but still, help clean up once in a while don't you? He doesn't bat an eye at the shocked looks that gets, because why should he hold his tongue?

Atsushi who calls himself a coward and yet even afraid still stands tall because the Orphanage couldn't break him.

He swore like a sailor and spat the soap out of his mouth. He dug his heels into the ground and glared when the Headmaster tried to drag him by his hair.

He survived attempts that should've killed him. And loudly dragged his chains on the ground just to piss them all off. What were they gonna do that they hadn't done before?

Atsushi who was raised being told the world itself abandoned him.

He never had anyone on his side. And because of that fights every fight dirty because it could he his last. And like hell is he going out in a place like this.

He grits his teeth and stands no matter how tired or in pain he is. Because he's never had the luxury of backing down.

[sorcerersandskillusers]

Card Meanings in the new, The Day I Picked Up Dazai art.

Ok so im currently still in shock that were getting new day I picked up dazai content so bare with me, but onece again Asagiri has included playing cards in his art so of course I have to break down what they mean.

Lets start with side A (the right side):

First we see a joker:

While Gogol is the obvious fit for the joker, the card also describes Dazai extremely well. He is almost always acting like the fool in any given situation, even in the mafia he loved to be as weird and funny as he could as well as tease and annoy the people around him, something jesters famously did.

In fact, his dynamic with Mori is very close to how a king and a jester used to work, where the jester was the only person who was allowed to openly mock the king and would usually heckle him. They also played a key part in psychological warfare, which we see Dazai specialises in.

I think the whole; wit, intelligence and unpredictability kind of speaks for itself.

Next card is the four of spades:

This one is also really fitting, it shows how after the day I picked up Dazai side A, Dazai settles into his little routine of going to bar lupin with Oda as well as how he finally has someone who he can trust and be comfortable around. Finally, it is a clear message of optimism, something Dazai never shows before he meets Oda.

Next the two of hearts:

This one is pretty obvious, it's Dazai and Oda spending time at bar lupin. It actually fits so well, there's not much I can say about it other then how it shows the love and care Dazai and Oda had for each other (platonically)

Now for Side B (prepare to cry)

The first card is the three of spades:

Whyyyyyyyyyy... why Asagiri. This one is also fairly obvious but it has multiple meanings. It most clearly represents Dazai suffering in side B as he has to run the mafia without odasaku and live in utter loneliness while destroying all the connections he never got to have for the sake of a friend he never got to meet.

“It was hard,” muttered the young man. “It was really hard fighting Mimic without you in the organization. I had no choice but to take over for Mori and make enemies of everyone around me to expand the business. Everything I did was for this world’s—”

It also represents the moment on the platform where he nearly tells Odasaku the truth and goes with him to bar lupin, the horrible decision to abandon everything for Odas future

The next card is... the ace of spades:

The ace of spade has many meanings, most of which involve change or transition, but by far its most famous meaning it death. I really don't think I have to explain this one, Beast Dazai having the card of death has a pretty clear meaning.

But the ace of spade does have a secondary meaning, and this one is a little more hopeful, as it shows Dazai passing the safety of this world onto Atsushi and Auktagawa.

Finally, (it's a bit hard to see) we have the ten of diamonds:

I want to focus mostly on the highlighted part because it's what really applies to BEAST Dazai, he lived his whole life to create a world where what matters most to him, that Oda gets to be happy and write his books, becomes real. This card doesn't apply to Dazai directly, more to the fact that he made succeeding in his mission his only priority and discarded everything else.

Bonus round Odasku card; the king of clubs

the only card thats seen on Oda's section and one that clearly represents Odasaku as a character.

"King of clubs represents a dark man, who is loyal and kind. He is a good businessman, shrewd with money and investments, but isn’t selfish. In fact, the King of clubs is a very devoted father, husband and citizen. In a broader sense, the King of clubs encompasses idealized qualities of a fatherly figure. This card is universally considered as a very good omen."

I feel like this sums Odasaku up very well, the devoted father and loyal friend parts are just him to a t.

(this is also the card I think best represents Fukuzawa)

Right, I think I got everything, if you disagree with this or find something I missed, please reblog or comment with whatever you want to add, or send me an ask. I love discussing, and hearing other people's views as long as they're respectful.

If you add something, please add it in the post not the tags, so I can reply to it (or in the tags if that makes you more comfortable)

[kunikinnie]

Hiii! How are you? Hope you are well! I was searching through Fukuzawa X reader's tag and I saw your headcanons for "accidently hurting their SO" and it was soooo cute!! Are your requests open, by any chance? If they are, is there any chance you could write headcanons with the same prompt, but with Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa and Atsushi? If they are not, just know that you are a great writer and I just loved your work!!

a/n: HELLO I'M ALIVE! sorry these SO LONG but here they are :) some of them might be ooc but ahkdjsf also if you're curious i was reading Spinning Gears while writing Aku's so ye

warnings: profanity, mentions of violence, blood, very angsty for some, probably ooc

accidentally hurting their s/o during an argument

featuring: Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Atsushi x GN!Reader

Dazai Osamu

There was something uncertain that stirred something deep within him - something he couldn't bring himself to face.

It could've been anything: the staleness of the air, the lingering aftertaste of the shitty coffee he had that morning, an intrusive thought he left uncontrolled, the sadness of the setting sun...

Not knowing the source bothered him. It bothered him so much that although words were flying exasperatedly throughout the room, he had regressed into his own mind.

It was the wrong move. He had underestimated how powerful the darkness was, and as it continued to grow like a whirlpool, he was swallowed into an ocean of abandoned thoughts.

He hadn't felt like this in years. Memories and voices from those times reverberated so strongly that nothing from the current moment could touch him. He didn't even have any idea what was happening.

Yet just a single phrase had managed to penetrate, and as soon as it hit it had triggered something despicable.

It was the silence that followed that snapped him out of it, not the stinging sensation at the back of his hand.

You slowly slumped down the wall and onto the floor. Not for a single moment did your stunned expression or blank eyes waver - in your silent tears flowed the last drops of your energy.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. Why were you apologizing? It was he who had done wrong, so why-

"Y/N..." he weakly called out, only to be met with another apology.

"Y/N, I'm sorry..."

He fell down to his knees before tightly embracing your whole body. He apologized once more, yet you didn't even stir. Another attempt amounted to nothing. Desperate to feel something from you, his grasp on you tightened further.

"Y/N, I love you-"

How many times had he said that? Countless times at this point, countless. Each and every one was as genuine as it could get - he hoped you knew that - yet none of them seemed to reach the same level of sincerity and regret to those declarations of those moments.

For all the eloquent speech this man had cultivated over the years, there he was, repeating the same three words over and over again - each iteration once more getting twice as desperate - until finally your hand grasped his shirt.

He could still feel your tears flowing freely, but at least you relaxed somewhat, letting him relax somewhat as well.

"I love you too," you weakly replied. "I love you so much... idiot..."

No words were exchanged after that; perhaps none were needed, or rather none existed that could fill in that need. The whole night he never let you go - not even once - as you two reconciled in each other's presence in silence.

Nakahara Chuuya

It's no secret that Chuuya's temper was more volatile than his favorite wine. Depite that, however, he doesn't let his emotions get the better him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made it this far in the mafia hierarchy.

Today was different. The stressful events of the week left him with hardly any room to breathe, and an argument at home was the last thing he needed.

"Can't you handle that shit yourself, Y/N?!"

He knew that you knew that there were times, such as now, when he should not be approached. So why were you here, being more insistent than ever?

The tone of your voice was already rubbing off of him, and you just had to-

"Fucking hell-"

Without thinking, he kicked the chair beside him. The poor thing managed to take most of his anger, but a piece of debris had unfortunately broken off and flew, hitting you squarely on the face.

It was in such unbelievably perfect timing that Chuuya thought at first his mind had come this stupid situation until he heard your scoff clearly.

"What the-"

Before you could process what had happened, he ran to you and grabbed you into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You just stood there, still confused. Your forehead stung a bit, but it was nothing compared to the warmth you were enveloped in all of the sudden. You had expected a raging anger and frustration from Chuuya but it just... disappeared.

"Shit- I really didn't mean to, Y/N. I'm sorry-"

Were you relieved to hear that from him? Sure, a bit. But what about the fury that was all-consuming just a while ago? What were you to do with that?

Your silent rumination only unsettled him more. If he clueless as to what you were thinking, he would be just as lost as with what to do.

"Let's go over it again, okay? I'm not going to get mad this time."

More than the chair, it was his words that he flung at you that upset him the most now that he was sober from his emotions.

"I swear I won't get mad. So talk to me. Please. Y/N-"

He was vigorously but gently shaking your shoulder all the while, hoping to get something from you.

And he finally did - but a loud laugh was not what he expected.

"This is so stupid."

It was his turn to be confused. Yes, it was stupid - stupid of him to have done any of that - but he had no idea what you meant by that.

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your head in his neck. "I mean - a flying piece of broken chair? Really?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N-"

"I'm also sorry," you finally said calmly. "I knew you've been stressed recently, but I-"

"It's still my fault. It ain't your fault."

"No. It's mine."

"The heck are you saying?"

You stared at him again, pouting this time yet barely able to contain your laughter.

"Tsk. We are not going to fight over this," he answered playfully.

As quickly as the tension built so did it dissipate - a feature of most of your quarrels that the two of you were grateful to have.

You embraced him tightly once more. "I'm so lucky to have you, Chuuya."

Although you couldn't see his face, you could feel his smile spread. "Same here."

"I love you, Chuuya."

He loosened his grip on you before kissing you on the forehead. "I love you too."

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

You both knew this would happen eventually. Yet that didn't make things any easier when it did.

The rage had blinded him instantly; he didn't even realize it happen. Within a split second there was a reddish-black flash and a small familiar gasp.

The scent of blood triggered such a vivid vision for him. You had fallen to the floor soundlessly, and there you were lying lifelessly. It was a vision he'd seen many times before - in lucid moments, in delirium, oftentimes in his sleep.

It couldn't be real this time... could it? By instinct, he covered his right eye with his hand. There he still saw the same bloody scene, while on the left eye he saw that there was nothing in front of him: no pool of blood and no motionless corpse. But as what always happened when he tried to disillusion himself, a headache then formed.

Only letting himself relax a bit, Akutagawa began to slowly look for you. He was sure there was blood spilled - although his eyes failed him, his nose never did. The same goes for all his other senses, it seemed, and so he let those four lead them to you.

He landed in front of a mahogany door. The sobbing and shuffling were unmistakable to him despite the thickness of the wood muffling the sounds significantly. He carefully approached and knocked on it lightly before calling out your name.

"Y/N...?"

The whimpering did not stop in the slightest, shaking him further. What if you weren't actually there and his hearing became unreliable as well?

"Y/N, please answer. I need to know you're there..."

His eyes saw fresh blood ooze out of the gap between the door and the floor. No. There was nothing there; his nose and fingers confirmed it. Shit. His delusions were getting worse even if both of his eyes were closed.

"Y/N, please... forgive me-"

There was no way you could, he thought. You shouldn't, you wouldn't, and if it was true that he had hurt you let alone kill you, then he wouldn't forgive himself either.

The gentle creak of the door jolted him despite how soft and slow you opened the door. He was met by a disheveled and tear-stricken you, blood slowly dripping down from your left arm. So many words flashed by in his vision but the only one that came out of his lips was your name.

"Y/N..."

His hand slowly reached for you - although where it aimed to touch it had no idea - as he waited for any sign from you to stop. You seemed fine with it, and his fingers ended up softly landing on the wound. It was just a graze, fortunately, however the bleeding was still continuous.

He unleashed Rashoumon to wrap and put pressure on the wound. "We should get you to a hospital," he said in a low and gentle voice.

You two wordlessly walked to the nearest clinic, almost wordlessly had your wound treated, and just as silently went back home. The entire time his still persistent headache throbbed along with the worries of what exactly it was you were thinking then. How could you still be okay with this? Or were you already planning to leave him then and there? If that was the best for you, then he had no choice than to accept it.

"Ryuu..." It was so affectionate that he thought he was delusional again. "How's your headache?"

His eyes widened at your words. How did you notice that? "It's not so terrible," he replied weakly. Really, it should be him asking how you were.

"That's good."

Before you entered your own room, he pulled on your other arm (gently) to explain himself. His delusions have been getting worse, that's why his instincts targeted you in his anger. That's what happened, wasn't it? But making such excuses was for weak men, and weak as he may be he couldn't bring himself to waste your sanity any further. He decided to apologize, but he ended up staring intensely into your eyes the entire time.

"It's alright. It's really alright."

"It isn't," he quickly asserted. "And it won't happen again."

Your smile, although weak from that night's endeavors, seemed genuine enough to him. It truly must have been real with the way it somehow subsided his headache. Still, it wasn't enough to wipe away the guilt.

And so he had decided to sleep on the couch: a preemptive measure and act of penance. But it wasn't like he could actually sleep after what happened. Most likely he would've spent the entire night reflecting on the incident and on ways to make it up to you.

"What are you doing?" There was a mix of curiosity, confusion, and amusement in your voice. "I've been waiting for you."

Without waiting for him to reply, you pulled on his arm and dragged him to bed. Your arms then wrapped themselves tightly on his waist.

"...isn't it dangerous? I might hurt you again." He was referring to his dreams affecting his physical sleeping, but his mind had pinned a larger meaning to it.

"You might," you answered nonchalantly. "But knowing you, it would never be intentional."

The gentle weight of your head on his chest had always soothed him. "You trust me too much."

"I do. It's because I love you too much, you know?"

You heard a small scoff, but even if you couldn't see his face you knew it accompanied a small smile.

"I don't know how rough you're having it right now, but please know that my love for you is real... just as I know your love for me is real."

Oh, if only you knew how much those words mattered to him- no. It would be too much.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered as he embraced you tighter.

"I love you too." You then snuggled deeper into his chest. "Good night, Ryuu. Sweet dreams."

Nakajima Atsushi

Atsushi was always afraid that he'd hurt you some way or the other, and so he was always extremely careful with anything that involved you. Even in arguments he did his best to collect himself (not that he got THAT angry anyway - most of the time he just becomes sad) and not break down in front of you spontaneously.

That's why he wasn't sure why he got so worked up this time. Perhaps everything has just been overwhelming recently and you getting angry at him was simply the final straw. Was he truly such a failure at everything to everyone?!

He was grasping a glass of milk to drink and calm himself when the frustration rushed through his blood. His grip tightened and shattered the glass, spilling liquid, shards, and blood everywhere.

Of course, you somehow quickly remained level-headed and tried to attend to his injury.

"Wait let me see your-"

As soon as your hand grazed his, he swatted it away with great force. Leave me alone, it screamed, and you heard the message loud and clear. Too clear, perhaps, since you took a few steps back to counter the impact.

Your silent and intense stare was what brought him out of it. Just the idea of hitting you, let alone that powerfully, was just so unimaginable to him that he began to break down.

It must've been the tiger's uncontrollable strength again - it's always been that. Whenever he loses control himself it's that wild beast that takes over, causing Atsushi to commit acts of savergy.

But there was no ability at that moment. There was no tiger. There was nothing to blame it on, except himself. By instinct, he retreated to himself and fell to the floor, staring at nothing in particular.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N, I didn't know what I was thinking-"

His stammering and shivering were so intense - it was unlike anything you've seen before. Apology after apology came, but did the complete opposite of relieving you.

You slowly approached him, wondering if you should try and touch him again. Usually your gentle shoulder rubs were enough to calm him down.

"Atsushi...?"

More than being hurt once again, you were more afraid that he'd regressed into that place again.

You tried to snap him out of it slowly: gently talking to him, reassuring him, trying to convince him that you weren't going anywhere despite what happened and will happen.

And by some miracle it worked. His tear-stricken eyes met yours, and the softness in them finally returned.

"Are you okay?" You asked once more.

"Y-yeah, I'm fi- No, wait. Are you okay?"

His hand instinctively shot up to check your hand and arm, but it stopped right before it grazed your skin. What the heck was thinking, trying to grab you right after that?

"Oh, don't worry too much. I'm fine. There's no wound and it probably won't bruise."

Atsushi wanted to breathe easily after hearing you say that but there was more to the question that needed answering. Thankfully, you caught on quickly.

"I swear, I'm fine." You smiled at him again and gently pat his head. "You've apologized enough. So let's just clean up this mess, okay?"

Before you could even attempt to stand up, he practically grabbed you and squeezed your whole being as he buried his head in your neck.

"Thank you, Y/N." He whispered before hugging you even tighter. "I love you so, so much. I promise I'll do better next time."

You returned the gesture. Awgh. How much your heart swelled despite what happened. "I love you too, Atsushi."

Taglist: @stygianoir, @irethepotato, @kisara-16reblogs, @thatdazaikin, @dazaee, @menshusband, @celestair, @bloobewy, @kunikida-simp

[kromeihl]

Your hands are cold

Female!Reader

╰┈➤ Osamu Dazai, Chuuya Nakahara, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Atsushi Nakajima

Warning(s): Men, Blood, Mentions of Bruises, Scars, and Scratches, NOT PROOFREAD.

Requests are open!

Is he sick? Is he nervous? Scared or upset? What do I do...? Do I...Hold his hand?

⚘️Osamu Dazai

"I can't find her." He whispers, his eyebrows furrowing as he grits his teeth. "What?!" Kunikida pushed his glasses up to his face, as he turned to his fellow worker. "I can't find [Name]!" The brown-haired man snapped, throwing away a metal bar that was in their way.

He didn't expect this mission to be scary for him, he didn't know where you were after that explotion. God, why did you have to use your ability. All he heard from you before your disapperance was a "Bang." coming out of your mouth, which caused this big explotion, leading to them losing you.

"Keep looking for her! Atsushi, you look in that direction!" Kunikida ordered. You stood on a pile of cement, watching the three as they call out your name. Only for both Atsushi and Kunikida disappearing in your sight, leaving the poor Dazai who was throwing away piles of dirt and other materials which were used in this abandoned construction sight.

You slid down, walking behind the brown-haired male, still throwing away rubbish. "Samu." You spoke, poking the man's back. He turned around, hearing that nickname of his made his heart drop. "[Name]..." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Sorry, did I scare you?" You teased. "You did." He replied, shortly. You noticed his change of mood, maybe he really was scared.

You notice his hands shaking, holding them and felt the coldness of it running through your fingertips. "Your hands...are cold." You commented.

He blinked, looking at your hands which were intertwining with his. He smiled, "Your hands are warm." He proceeded to hug you tight. "Just don't disappear again...Please."

🍁Chuuya Nakahara

"[Name]?" He called out for you, staying silent as he waited for a response. He knocked at your door, you were hella quiet in your office. At this time you'd be blasting music, and he'd be the one to tell you to keep it down. But today, it was quiet...Too quiet.

"[Name], did you fall asleep? Open the damn door!" He huffed, his patience shortening. He had enough, kicking down the door as a thud was heard, after. He looked at the empty chair. Darkness was invading the area.

"Where the..." He fell silent again, his heart dropped. 'Maybe she went out on a mission...' He tried convincing himself that you were just in the building. He walked out of your office, walking through the dark quiet halls.

He stood infront of two large doors, the office of the Port Mafia's Boss. He knocked, pulling up his coat's sleeve as it was about to fall off. "Enter." He heard, opening the large door as he stepped inside.

"Boss." He spoke, while walking towards the man who was seated, a little blonde girl doodling by his side. "Chuuya. What brings you here? Any trouble with the oth-"

"Where's [Name]? Is she on a mission?" He asked directly, even if he tried to hide it, his tone of voice laced with fear and worry. The boss seemed to catch up, "She's with Akutagawa and Higuchi, I suppose. Higuchi-kun came here to ask permission to join in a fellow mafia." He raised a brow.

He heard Chuuya swear under his breath. The boss leaving a breathless laugh, "Don't worry. I'm sure Akutagawa knows what he's doing. I'm afraid he doesn't want you to be upset." Chuuya turned his back, "He's making me quite upset now. If Higuchi comes in, tell her to go to my office, please." Chuuya bowed his head after earning a nod from Mori.

As he went out, he heard the sound of footsteps nearing. He furrowed his brows, gritting his teeth as he used his gravity to go to the location of the footsteps in the speed of light. "Higuch-" He stopped, nearly hitting the girl who stood infront of him, nearly falling backwards, he tries keeping his balance.

"[Name]!" He held both of your shoulders, checking around your face and body if you had any bruises or scars. "I'm okay, Chuuya." He glared at you, "I said you're my partner, not theirs, your mission is my mission, and my mission is yours."

You giggled at his words, "I know, I know, don't be mad now.." He removed his hands from your shoulders. "One of your gloves fell." You commented, about to pick it up when he placed his hand on it first. As you placed your hand ontop of his, you felt the coldness of it.

"You wear gloves, how come your hands are cold?" You put your hand away as you both stood up still. "It's nothing." He wore his glove, trying to avoid that topic. "You were scared, weren't you?" You teased, earning an eye roll from Chuuya. "What if I was?" He huffed. You leaped into his arms, giving him a big hug. "I'm here now..."

☘️Ryunosuke Akutagawa

"Let's split up!" You shouted, hearing explotions from here and there. You were in a battle field with Atsushi and 3 other of his co-workers. They were much more stronger than some of your men. "That'll be the dumbest thing to do! Don't!" Akutagawa shouted back as he fought Atsushi with Rashomon. "I'm sorry!" You replied before hitting Atsushi from behind, dragging him along by the collar of his shirt.

You watched as Akutagawa watched you with wide eyes, getting distracted by Kunikida who threw a grenade infront of him. He looked back again to see you nowhere to be found.

You ran and ran until feeling the pain strike your back, you looked below and there was a tail which wrapped your stomach. You get pulled front and crash into a pile of cement. You screech in pain, before looking at the body approaching you.

His head was bleeding and he looked at you with anger. "Stay put, kitty. You're not going anywhere!" You ran to him, grabbing his suspenders and using it to choke his neck. His arm formed into one of a tiger's, scratching your hand as you tightened the grip around his neck.

"Why do you hate me so much!?" He screamed out, trying to get away from your grasp. He managed to cut the suspenders with his claws and fell backwards, coughing as he was about to lose consciousness.

The moment he looked up you disappeared into thin air, running to the place where Akutagawa and you were once in. He was gone. You ran and searched for him everywhere, blood dripping out of your arm as the pain was not important as he was.

You turned around after hearing noise from behind, looking at the man who was bruised up and coughing. "Ryu-san!" You ran up to him, hugging his back as you sighed.

Tears were forming in your eyes as he stayed quiet, he turned around, looking at your weak state. "You're okay." He closed his eyes before taking a deep breath, happy, only before he saw a deep scratch on your arm. He held your hand and you shrieked at how cold it was.

"Your hands are cold." You squeezed his hand. He ignored your comment and ripped a part of his already ruined shirt, wrapping it around your bloodied arm. "You scared me." He admitted. You laughed, watching the cloth wrap around your arm. "It's okay, I'll always find my way back to you."

🪻Atsushi Nakajima

"Atsushi-kun." Dazai poked the named male, "Hm?" Atsushi turned his head, facing a serious-looking Dazai. He started to sweat in nervousness. "Y-Yes, Dazai-San?" He smiled nervously, "Where's [Name]?" He asked, Atsushi blinked, realizing that your presence made the atmosphere quite different today..Only to realize you were not here at all. He looked at the chair, which was facing back at him.

He turned it, only to see no one sitting there. All this time you weren't here?! He stood up and fell backwards, his chair rolling to Dazai's side. "Oops." The brown-haired male blinked. He looked at Atsushi who sat up, rubbing his head as he tried recollecting all his thoughts.

"Do you know where she is?!" Atsushi quickly stood up, panicking as he looked around the whole office. "No, not at all." Dazai replied, looking at the busy Kunikida. "Relax, Atsushi, she must be out with Naomi." Atsushi sighed, only to remember when they were cornered that one time.

What if you got hurt? What if you both got hurt? He quickly excused himself only to be stopped by Kunikida. "You still have a lot to report, Atsushi. Stay here." He ordered, pushing up his glasses as he continued typing. Atsushi shook his head, starting to get on his knees as he begged Kunikida to go out. Dazai laughed, "C'mon Kunikida, aslong as he comes back in no time." Kunikida sighed, finally letting Atsushi go.

Atsushi let out strings of gratitude before rushing out the door. He was about to walk around the city and look for you, until he saw a glimpse of [Hair color] hair. He quickly looked at the side, watching the girl enter the cafe.

He quickly went inside, seeing you. "[Name]?" He poked your back, you turned around seeing Atsushi in a scared state. You watched him as he sighed in relief. "God, you scared me, I thought you were at the office- And I thought something was wrong since you were quiet! Plus you were facing back at me and I thought I did something wrong so I gave you a bit of space- Until Kunikida told me you were with Naomi but it looks like you're alone..." Atsushi rambled out.

You blinked, trying to process every single word he just said. "Atsushi, relax! I'm okay. I was with Naomi, she went up, she wasn't in the mood for coffee." You giggled. You held his hands, flinching from how cold it was. "Your hands are cold..." You looked down, before looking straight into his eyes.

"I-I was scared that you were gone..I thought you'd be in danger." He smiled awkwardly. You smiled, ruffling his hair before dragging him into a table to sit at with you.

Still holding his hands and placing both yours and his ontop of the table. "I know you'd save me if I was, now, let's get a cup of coffee and warm ourselves up, shall we?"

[oikasugayama]

Just like everyone else, LOVE your charts

Could you do one with reader fighting someone and getting hurt?

NOW WITH THE HUNTING DOGS! There are 21 hot men on this chart. Trying out a new format too to make it easier on me when writing (:

also I've noticed there isn't an agreed upon way to spell tetcho's name. i'm rocking with tetcho. you can't stop me. i've already done it. and i'll do it again. tetcho.

after you get hurt he loses his mind killing the person who hurt you. he would then tell you "i can't see you get hurt like that. i had to do something to protect you." he may or may not be ashamed of what he's done; more than that, though, he's happy you're alive.

Fukuchi (uses the full extent of his powers and then tearfully confesses to you when you're safe), Bram (summons hoards of vampires even though he swore he wouldn't; he loves you and would do anything for you), Junichiro (is usually so passive but will kill someone with his bare hands when his lover is attacked right in front of him), and Poe (never uses weapons because he has his sharp mind; he doesn't think twice before shooting down the man who hurt you).

when he sees you get hurt during a fight, his first thought is "fuck, i have to save them. i can't lose them, not here, not now." you try to tell him to leave you and complete the mission, but he refuses, maybe even tearfully. you're coming home with him. you're not dying here.

Atsushi (tearfully holds you against his chest the whole way to Yosano, who's the only one he trusts to save you), Oda (struggles to balance the importance of the mission with his need to keep you safe; fuck the mission, you're his priority), Nikolai (decides in an instant to use his ability to take you far, far away from this conflict; it's not worth it anymore, not without you), Fukuzawa (abandons his sword to catch you before you hit the ground. He never should have let you pick up this fight; he should have solved this all before it could happen. He'll ask for your forgiveness, just as soon as he saves you), Mori (uses others to fight his battles. His goal is always to protect himself and his loved ones above all else. The full force of the Port Mafia comes down on anyone who defies him, but he himself holds you gently while transferring you to safety), Dazai (isn't in the Port Mafia anymore. When he was a younger man he'd have killed everyone in the room, but now that he has someone he's afraid to lose he chooses to run), Ango (refuses to think you're dead; he knows you're too tough, too skilled to not make it out of this battle. He's still scared, though, and as soon as he reaches you he tells you he refuses to lose you like this so you better get up and start running).

you getting hurt and falling during conflict was the last thing he expected. you're so tough, why would you be so fucking stupid? he intends on asking you right after he takes care of the asshole who thought he could take you away from him.

Tetcho (cooly walks over to you after destroying the remaining enemies. "Are you going to lay there all day?" he asks. "Do better next time... and don't you dare scare me like that again."), Tachihara (goes into a rage. He eliminates the threat, then pulls you into his arms. "You fucking idiot... Don't do that again or I'll kill you myself."), Akutagawa (awakens a new, even more lethal version of Rashomon when you fall. The room is cleared in an instant, and he's carrying you to safety moments later. "I expected more from you," he says despite the wobble in his voice. "So live and prove me wrong."), Jouno (loses his interest in the fight when he hears your heartbeat slowing, so he ends it all quickly and finds you by your shallow breathing. "You're a pathetic excuse for a Hunting Dog," he says, scooping you into his arms. "Let's get you ready for the next fight."), Fyodor (chooses his close companions extremely carefully. It's an affront to God to hurt his comrades--everyone who dared harm you will know that wrath now, and later you'll learn Fyodor's wrath for daring to leave him through near-death).

seeing you fall pissed him off more than anything. you shouldn't have come but you wouldn't take no for an answer. now he's gonna save your ass and give you a piece of his mind (he's so relieved you're safe. you know that's what he means when you tells you not to be so fucking stupid next time).

Chuuya (knows that he could use the full extent of his power to destroy everyone here, but who would save him so that he could be with you again? Ugh, you moron. How dare you make him run instead of fight. Good thing you're worth it to him), Ranpo (isn't a fighter, he's a thinker, and right now he thinks you need to be taken to safety because you were too stupid to stay out of harm's way), Sigma (has a split-second dilemma in which he wants to kill everyone, but moreso he wants to protect you, so he covers you, gets an ally to take you to safety, and when you wake up he's at your bedside calling you an idiot), Mushitaro (finds a way to twist his ability to make you two invisible to the enemy; you get to safety, you wake up after being knocked out, and he's standing over you, arms crossed. "It's about time you woke up, dumbass. I'm over here doing all the hard work."), Kunikida (panics when you fall. This isn't according to plan, and now he's enacting plan B: save your dumb ass, and then go back into the fight alone. When he realizes the extent of your injuries, though, he stays with you).

[kyouka-supremacy]

The thing about how Atsushi deals with Akutagawa is. Atsushi has always been terrified of retailing against his oppressors: to him, his oppressors were always in positions of power that he found impossible to rebel against. Akutagawa, on the other hand, was the first person Atsushi met who was socially accepted to fight back against. Akutagawa was presented to him as the big bad guy, everyone's evil enemy. Atsushi's got personal beef with him for how he treated Kyouka (which is very important for Atsushi, because if he never had it within him to stand for himself, at least he can stand for others). The person Atsushi looks up to the most repeatedly and unapologetically mistreats Akutagawa. Then mistreating Akutagawa must be allowed, right?

It's truly remarkable how despite the guess one would take judging from their good side / evil side affilations, more often than not it's Atsushi going for Akutagawa's throat than the other way round. Sure, Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi all the time– but that's exactly the point‚ he never actually follows through‚ and his real actions actually end up telling us his intentions are quite the opposite (re: “I won't kill you today because you look miserable” *saves Atsushi's life* *saves Atsushi's life* *dies to save Atsushi's life*). On the contrary, Atsushi's ALWAYS trying to attack Akutagawa both verbally and physically. Remember that time in chapter 51 when Dazai was keeping them separate? Back then, Akutagawa very much wasn't the one actively trying to attack the other. Not to mention the “You fight 'cos you want to be feared– that's far more worthless in my book” and of course the “It's no wonder Dazai-san chose to abandon you and disappear”. There's even the “if a fight is what you want, then I'll take you on” like lmao, of course you will. The thing is, Atsushi has always found it socially acceptable to retail against, loathe, fight and hurt Akutagawa no-guilt-attached like he never had the chance to with any other abuser. Please keep in mind how thanks to Dead Apple we know that the only other time Atsushi ever fought back someone who was hurting him, it was a most instinctive and involuntary reaction that ended up with him killing them and which gave him several trauma and unresolved self-hatred and feeling of guilt for life.

But hurting Akutagawa, that's peer approved. And it sounds quite cruel, and Atsushi is a fundamentally selfish character, yet it must have come off as so refreshing and even liberating for him to finally have someone he can openly hate, someone he could drop the facade of the polite, harmless guy in front of. That's why I can actually find it believable that Atsushi would, very subconsciously, look forward to fight against Akutagawa; as a way to let off steam, you know? A chance to finally stop acting and start behaving like his true self, determined, brave, protective, a bit of a prick. Not to mention, fights against Akutagawa seemingly always end up as a self-esteem boosts for Atsushi in a way or the other. That's why I wonder: if Akutagawa is the only person Atsushi can be himself with, if he's the only one he can act natural around without feeling he has to put up a front for; what about when Atsushi will stop hating him? Which doesn't sound that unlikely, I mean, after chapter 88 and everything. I'm not saying he's going to forgive Akutagawa for everything he's ever done but like... The perception Atsushi has of him must have changed to an extent, his judgement shifted at least a tiny bit. Then, Atsushi will be left with only one person he can freely be himself with, and he doesn't even hate him that much anymore. Just thinking about that.

[vitasexualiiis]

ACTUALLY, I'm not done yet! i have more Dazai anguish to let out!

it absolutely destroys me that both Mori and Oda independently come to the conclusion that Dazai desperately needed someone to try harder with him.

in Side A, Oda literally has to tie Dazai down to tend to his wounds and tricks him into going to the bar with him, and Dazai's response to this is to follow him around like a puppy.

in Dark Era, Oda says this:

But maybe, just maybe, that was the wrong approach—or at the very least, when it came to the man sitting next to me. Somebody probably should’ve tied him up, pried his chest open, and stuffed a vacuum cleaner inside. Then, as he screamed and cried until they needed to punch him to shut him up, they’d suck every last bit [of the darkness] out of his chest and stamp it into the ground. But in reality, such a vacuum didn’t exist. Chests don’t open up like that, and no one is capable of such feats. What we see is everything, and everything we see, we ignore. All we can do is stand before the deep ditch between us and others and keep silent.

and this:

"I thought you were similar to Dazai at first, rushing into battle and wishing for death without even considering the value of your own life. But he’s different. He’s sharp-witted with a mind like a steel trap. And he’s just a child—a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we’re seeing." He was too smart for his own good. That was why he was always alone. The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood. But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

in the main story, Mori gives Dazai the opportunity to leave and start a new life outside of the Mafia. you can 100% argue that he forced him into it, both for selfish reasons and for Dazai's own good.

in Beast, Mori realizes his mistake with not treating Dazai like family:

"A young man with a death wish once came to me. I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t…and never again do I want to experience that." [Then, to Atsushi: ] "You can leave the orphanage once you find something else to prove that you are you. Until then, you can live here as my student—no, as my son."

they both realize this about Dazai, but neither can bring themselves to act on their impulse to force their affection onto him. and, by the time they realize their mistakes, it's too late.

it makes me wonder if ANYONE is ever going to be that for Dazai, yanno? or if he's just going to keep holding everyone at arm's length and THAT will be his downfall?

[kiwibeanv]

Astray in the Black Water: Prologue

Fatal Frame 5 crossover Bungo Stray Dogs + Fem Reader

Note: Reader not yet included in this chapter. Proceed to Chapter 1 if you would like to jump in.

Authorities couldn't find the missing girl. After weeks of searching, they left the case for the Armed Detective Agency to handle. Which was then passed to Kyouka.     She searched the mountain again for the missing person. Perhaps the police overlooked something. Rumors said that this abandoned temple was haunted and that this girl wasn't the only one who went missing. Stories of being pushed off cliffs, misty specters of drenched shrine maidens, and trapped souls trying to drag them to the nether world. Though, that didn't faze her at all.      Kyouka did manage to find a bracelet from the missing girl. Right in front of the temple up the hill. She gazed at it, thinking the girl went there. It was a large temple. Multiple floors, countless rooms, spiraling hallways, and some flooding underground. A phantom bell rung randomly, as if trying to call Kyouka. 

She entered a room flooded with water. It was empty and dark. Not even her flashlight could light up the big room. The water was too murky, but there was a chance for a hidden item. As she marched, her foot hit something in the water. She stared at the spot and reached for it. Within that same moment, a head of a woman emerged. Her hair covered her most of her face and she attempted to lunge at her.     Kyouka dodged and saw her robes. This woman rose but her feet levitated above the water. Other drowned women emerged. She never expected to be surrounded by spirits and fled the room. Kyouka isn't easy to scare, however this was a rare moment of her holding back her nerves. She attempted to go back but another spirit, a woman in a black kimono blocked her path. She went the other way and saw a room with light. A possible exit, she thought.

    The doors shut behind her and she stood at the top of the stairs. Again another flooded room but it was surrounded by shelves with pottery. In the center of the room, a light shined down on a black box. She had a moment of revelation, perhaps the girl could be inside that box. She started to make her way to the box. At the halfway point, the box suddenly opened. Black long hair slithered out and into the murky water. It wrapped around her ankles and Kyouka used her knife to cut it. However, her attention landed on the pale specter emerging. She started to panic and tried to tear the hair off.

    The spirit floated into the air. Her eyes were focused on Kyouka. Her arms reached out and she got closer and closer. And that was all Kyouka could remember.

    The ADA waited for her to return that night but she never came back. The morning came and Atsushi never saw her futon undone. Whispers of the news crept along to the café workers, to their friends, and ultimately the ears of the Port Mafia. Most members didn't care about the report. All but one: Kouyou. She couldn't bear the fact that someone had taken Kyouka and she felt the need to rescue her this time. Not Dazai. And just like before, she went to the mountains and underestimated the spirits. The Port Mafia didn't hear from her again. 

    These two events led to the ADA and PM sending out their troops to find their beloved members. Atsushi and Dazai, and Chuuya's party went out into the mountain. They explored the station, the inn, and the groups crossed paths in the forest. Dazai and Chuuya glared daggers at each other.  "Why the fuck are you here?!" Chuuya leaned forward with his hands on his hips. His squad of men stood back on guard.

"You weren't the one I wanted to commit suicide with," Dazai deadpanned.

"Well, I didn't want to do this anyways!" Chuuya snapped back.

Atsushi didn't want either side to start fighting. He took a step forward, asking, "Did you guys also lose someone here?"

Chuuya looked over to Atsushi. "And why should I give an answer to the Armed Detective Agency?"

"Because~," Dazai chimed in. "The Port Mafia wouldn't be looking into this unless someone important went missing."

"Well if you just kept an eye on your member, we wouldn't have been here to begin with!" Chuuya shot back. 

"You should have kept an eye too!"

    Atsushi let the two men bicker as he took a look of his surroundings while giving them space. He knew there was no stopping them. In the corner of his eye, he saw a white figure. He only got a look of the robes before it disappeared, and the chiming of a bell rung in his ear.

"Oi! Did anyone else see that?" Atsushi asked.

Dazai and Chuuya followed his gaze. They shook their heads.

"Do you really believe in ghost stories?" Chuuya scoffed as he put his hand on his hip.

"No, I really saw something," Atsushi argued.

"Really?~" Dazai crept up behind Atsushi. "There are a lot of stories about this place. A place to commit suicide, spirits drive you to death, or--!" He tapped his fingers along Atsushi's shoulders as if trying to make a crawling sensation. "The infamous hachishakusama is said to lurk here."

Atsushi shivered. "The eight feet tall woman?"

Chuuya rolled his eyes. "It's all stories! None of it is real."

"Because you refuse to admit your fear~" Dazai teased. 

"I'm not scared!"

    Atsushi sighed. He goes away from the group to continue his investigation. Though, he was wary enough to stay in sight, in case things go wrong. He comes across a broken bridge. Across was a shrine. He thought he saw something float in the water. He shook his head and saw nothing. Dazai would soon join him, after finishing his bickering with Chuuya. 

"Hah... Now I don't feel like doing anything," Dazai sighed and looked around.

"We have to look for Kyouka," Atsushi reminded him, turning his back on the river. "She could be stuck anywhere on this mountain."

Dazai hummed in thought. "Strange... Kyouka is not one who goes down easily. If nothing was on the mountain, she should have returned home. Even stranger when a Port Mafia executive disappeared shortly after too."

"So, there must be something that made them lost..." Atsushi added. 

"Now, I don't believe in ghost stories, however, locals say this mountain is cursed," Dazai brought up as he puts his hands in his coat pockets. "Others have disappeared here, and this is a hot suicide spot!" His eyes sparkled.

Atsushi gave him a look of disbelief. "Why would you commit suicide in a cursed mountain?" 

"Because if people succeeded here, then surely I will," Dazai replied. "I don't need you dying now," Atsushi rolled his eyes. "Look, let's check out that temple over there."

    They looked across the river were the temple sat, not noticing the sheer, pale hand coming from the water. Groans of pain were heard and it seized Atsushi's ankle and pulled him into the water. Atsushi let out a yelp. Dazai yelled his name and tried to get a hold of him. The figure that stood before Atsushi was a drenched man. His clothes stuck to his body, his hair fell down his face, and his mouth was wide open. He held onto him like a zombie. Atsushi attempted to use his tiger claw to cut his arm, but his hands went through the spirit.

  "I can't hit him!" Atsushi yelled out.

"You can't hit ghosts! Get out of there!" Dazai managed to grab a hold of his collar and reeled him in.

Atsushi wiggled out of the ghost's grasp. Though, the spirit followed. They fled from the river to get some distance. Afar, they heard some commotion too. A yelp familiar to Dazai before a log hits the ground with a loud thud. They heard commands to fire at will but the bullets only hit the trees and dirt.

"Sounds like Chuuya is figuring out he can't hit ghosts either," Dazai says as he looked at the direction of the noise.

"If our abilities don't affect these ghosts, then what do we do?" Atsushi asked.

"Find something that handles ghosts," Dazai replied.

In that same moment, Chuuya came to the same area panting, holding his hat. His men followed with goosebumps crawling on their skin. 

"Dammit! What the hell are we supposed to do against these spirits?!" Chuuya hit a tree trunk with his fist. "Oi Dazai, don't you know?"

Dazai shrugged. "Exorcisms?"

Chuuya scoffed. "Even those guys will run with their tails between their legs. Ain't there an ability user who can deal with this?"

The other two shrugged their shoulders. Neither of them knew anyone who had that ability. Even if they asked a psychic, there was a chance that they are not legitimate. However, Atsushi had an idea.

"What if we ask Ranpo for some legitimate users?" He asked.

"We could. He can narrow it down easily for us," Dazai agreed with a nod. "But who's paying?"

The ADA members stared at Chuuya, expectantly.

"Hah? Why are you looking at me?!" He snapped, pointing a finger to himself.

"Surely you have lots of money to afford your clothes," Dazai smirked.

"And surely the government gives you guys a good payout," Chuuya shot back.

"Well..." Atsushi raised his hands up to his chest. "We could split. Fifty-Fifty?"

"Fair enough," Chuuya nods. 

Dazai snickered behind him. "Yeah that works," He said as he hid his grin with his hand.

They all heard a bell ring and felt like someone was watching them.

"You guys settle that then and tell me who you got," Chuuya says as he was getting ready to leave. "The faster you get them, the better. I'm gonna need them too."

"Okay but we call first dibs," Dazai added.

  "It better be quick finding Kyouka." Chuuya turned away to mutter, "I'm worried about big sis..."

    The trio split ways. Dazai and Atsushi went back to Ranpo to figure out the best candidate. They compiled a list of self-proclaimed psychics and Ranpo would narrow down the options. A majority were not legitimate. Others were true, however their abilities were more about the future, past, or simply too weak. However, there was one name that Ranpo was certain of. (Y/N) (L/N). (Y/N) has a different practice of psychometry. "Shadow reading." However, her work was not solely focused on her job as a psychic investigator. She also owned a small café in a quiet part of town.

    With the right person to go to, Kunikida, Dazai, and Atsushi set out to meet her.

-> Chapter 1

[kouyou-arc-when]

Hey, this is a great ask and I am so sorry for not replying earlier. I am responding like this because I actually broke the character limit since I'm dumb -_- I've written a lot of posts about this on reddit, and many people came up to me and asked me something similar. Your line of thinking is good. Regarding Dazai:

So, the thing is - to properly diagnose any personality disorder, you need to talk to that very person to understand their inner mechanisms. There are certain behavioral traits we can observe from the outside and make some guesses based on that: for example, Dazai's broadly dented empathy and why that's often found in people with ASPD.

However, for many other personality disorders it is very difficult to conclude much without the person saying ~I feel x because of y. I do c because of b.

Why? Personality disorders are internal structures that cause a person's behavior to be challenging to either them or others. To understand these mental processes is much more demanding than seeing a person just feels sad or anxious, to explain it simplistic terms.

The key behind many disorders is to know WHY a person is doing what they're doing. This one thing changes whether a person has x,z,y,t,n or whatever condition.

An example: BPD and CPTSD are often mistaken for one another. Same as with BPD, CPTSD, Autism and ADD in women, but BPD and CPTSD tend to have the largest "overgap", you can even have both at the same time. That's because many of the outside observable symptoms are the same.

An example: unstable relationships are a symptom of ALL of the above, but BPD is sort of...an outdated PD according to many specialists due to the fact that it was used as an "everything" disorder, where people with socially unconventional emotions were dumped. That's why you'll find two people with BPD that are almost nothing alike.

However, even if we hold to classic diagnostic criteria, let me show how the same symptom can be a product of entirely different circumstances.

For example: Someone with BPD will have unstable relationships due to an extreme fear of abandonment. Someone with Autism may have unstable relationships due to differences in communication styles Someone with ADHD will have unstable relationships due to various circumstances: emotional regulation, executive functioning etc.

So really, the outward result may be the same, but the cause is different.

However, now, typically the main reason someone could have BPD is either due to extreme splitting, favorite person behavior, numbness and/or abandonment issues.

Dazai 100% has "favorite person" syndrome going on with Oda - the way he idealized Odasaku and then devalues everyone around him in comparison is pretty clinical - doesn't mean their relationship isn't lovely, but it's certainly something a therapist would take note of.

It's no shocker Dazai has unstable relationships, but we don't 100% know why he does what he does.

That's the whole thing Asagiri said - the character is meant to be like a donnut, where you don't really know what's in the middle - so it's extremely difficult to say which PD fits him for sure, probably even more difficult than the average neurodivergent character. In my opinion, several interpretations of Dazai are simultaneously valid due to the fact that you could assume multiple personal struggles within him, and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Does Dazai have abandonment issues? He says he always loses everything he wants, is EXTREMELY bitter over Ango, and definitely shows some levels of "splitting", especially in how he treats Oda vs Ango, Akutagawa vs Atsushi etc etc.

I'm pretty confident he has PTSD, and everything that comes with that. He certainly has a personality disorder too, due to the fact that a lot of his difficulties stem from his personality, and not just brain chemistry.

Kunikida says that most of his emotions "seem" like an act, which raises a lot of questions to what is even happening on the inside. Asagiri said Dazai is really only himself in front of people like Oda and Fyodor. That version of Dazai is...much less cheerful than with everyone else.

I don't personally think Dazai is autistic since he has a good hang on social cues and overall communication. Mamoru Miyano said PM Dazai was still learning to communicate with others back in his Dark Era days, but it wasn't that he couldn't do it - he was just not interested in learning it.

I feel like Asagiri gave Dazai this "unrealistic" trait of being primarily isolated because he's extraordinarily intelligent (which is not how geniuses tend to feel irl, most of the time) but I always feel like there is something more to it.

There is definitely some /disconnect/ between Dazai and "normal" people, where he doesn't fully seem to understand certain things, he falls short there. As someone who has CPTSD diagnosed, I get the impression he maybe has a similar thing going on as many of us: A extremely traumatic experience disrupted a lot of normal emotional and cognitive processes, and now he's both extremely hypervigilant and unable to snap out of that "shellshocked" state. He needs to "perform" conventionality, and being a normal person.

In one wan chapter, he "made a joke" that you start doing one bad thing after another, and suddenly you feel nothing at all. That's the trademark numbness in both CPTSD and BPD.

There was this TDIPUD moment where he talks about how a personality is just a bunch of unstable premises that survive to uphold the basic instincts of the human mind - but how it's easily destroyed for that reason. This is a scene where he tortures the guy, and I was like "wow, I really get it". Severe trauma can just destroy the very structure of your personality, because extreme pain just numbs everything within you. "You" as a person can't survive.

BPD is also related to an unstable sense of self - which could be connected to the former paragraph. Sometimes lowered empathy is also a byproduct of BPD, in fact, the thing is that both BPD and CPTSD come from trauma 99% of the time. They're shockingly similar disorders.

So, does Dazai have BPD? No idea. He could also be schizoid to some extent, which is funny, because Franz Kafka had this disorder, the author that inspired Asagiri's nickname.

For now, I'd just leave at he has CPTSD for sure

Most of these disorders are very broad descriptors, and it's difficult to label most humans in a way that will genuinely encompass what their experiences are. Most of the time, these diagnostics are used to match a person with the best treatment available, or to explain what they're going through - so I don't think there is a perfect diagnosis for Dazai aside from PTSD, but he's definitely extremely neurodivergent. Thanks for reading <3

[starswritewhispers]

no longer human, less than a man [1]

A03

prologue

chapter 2

Summary : The gods had abandoned humanity long before Osamu Dazai was born, but his existence quickly grew to become a beacon of hope. Where he would walk, whispers would follow and murmurs of a path back to the gods quickly grew to battle cries. When he and his two companions went missing on one of their journeys to godhood, the cries quieted down to murmurs and whispers until eventually, both they and the gods were nothing more than myths.

Nobody had accounted for Dazai not only becoming successful in finding the lost shrine, but achieving the godhood that came with it.

For 80 years, he was left alone in his divinity, until a drunk college student stumbled upon the shrine of chaos.

OR Chuuya and Dazai are gods reborn

Not many people in the world would describe Chuuya as patient.    He was brash, quick to react, and quicker to emotion, and despite anyone who took more than a one second glance at him being able to decipher that he loved harder than he hated, most avoided pissing him off out of fear of that quick anger.  Sadly, his friends had long grown tolerant to his outbursts. “Let go of me,” he hissed, eyes flashing dangerously as he leveled a sharp gaze at Tachihara. The other man only squished his cheeks further, forcing him to hold eye contact. “People are staring.”

“That may be because you very loudly called him an example that cheap box dye can kill brain cells,” Gin piped in, horribly unhelpful, despite her sugar tone.  She offered a faux naive smile when he glared her direction and Chuuya was–as he often is, in her presence– reminded that most poisons taste sweet. “Besides, he isn’t wrong.” She waved their argument off, eyes darting back to her phone. 

“Gin,” Tachihara groaned, not yet relinquishing his hold on Chuuya’s cheeks. “Back me up more, this is so much more important than whatever you’ve got going on.” “Ryu is talking about the god dude again,” She groaned, looking at her phone as though infected. “We’re in our twenties, how does he still have imaginary friends?” “Maybe he’s just indulging Atsushi,” Kenji offered, looking up from his agriculture homework for the first time during the conversation. “Both of them call the guy Dazai.” Personally, Chuuya could care less about whatever concussion based hallucination the two closet cases shared.  He hadn’t cared to begin with and he cared even less when Gin dragged him to the location the two maniacs promised the guy would be and instead of meeting a god, buckets worth of snow dropped on all of their heads from a tree branch snapping above them. “You guys are focusing on the wrong toxic relationship,” Tachihara tsked, ignoring Gin’s protests. “Chuuya, my redheaded brethren–” “Do not call me that–” “Look me in the eyes–” “You’re not giving me much of a choice–” “--and promise me, you will not go to the Sheep’s party.” “Even Chuuya isn’t–”  It was Poe who spoke up this time, before he paused, studying Chuuya’s, thankfully now Tachihara free face, and a frown twitched at his lips. “He might be.” Chuuya was not about to take criticism from a man who’s closest relationship was to a fucking racoon he found shivering in a dumpster their freshman year. “Might be what?” He hissed, rubbing at his cheeks. “I’m not going to show up at my ex’s frat just because Yuan invited me. It’s obviously a ploy to get me into his pants.” 

“Promise?” Tachihara demanded, eyes narrowed. “Yes, dipshit, I promise.” Tachihara breathed out a sigh of relief as Chuuya let out an offended huff. Honestly, the lack of faith his friends had in him was disturbing.  -

Which was why when he found himself drunkenly stumbling through the streets after getting absolutely shitfaced at said party he promised not to make an appearance at, he made a second promise to himself.

His friends would not find out about this, under any circumstances. 

Which lead to his phone, instead of being used to guide him home, was currently shut off and in his back pocket.  His apartment wasn’t that far from Frat’s Row so the chances of him getting completely lost were slim, but he had never been the best with directions to begin with. At least this way, if his friends checked his location, they'd just assume he let his phone die when he fell asleep. “Shit,” he mumbled, eyes moving around the unfamiliar area. He had managed to wander into the middle of what seemed to be a construction site, which would’ve just been annoying, except for the fact that there was no active construction near his apartment. “Why do you hate me?” He tilted his head up to the sky, continuing moving forward up until his foot slipped and he was sliding down into the ground.  A startled yelp tore from the back of his throat as he tumbled out of the shaft onto the cold surface, eyes widening as he took in his surroundings. “What the fuck?” He demanded, looking behind where he had tumbled out of only to see that the hole had somehow closed. “I’m never,” he began, slowly sliding himself off the altar-like structure he had landed on. “Ever taking a brownie from Kaji again.” He groaned, looking up to face the massive statue in front of him. He was most certainly in some drug induced high brought on by Kaji’s weird experiments.  He squinted at the words--or at least he assumed they were words–scrawled onto the plaque at the feet of the statue and sighed,  moving his gaze around the rest of the room.  His eyes landed on an unlit, petrified torch that seemed to be levitating in the middle of the room. “Definitely a drug induced dream,” Chuuya decided, walking forward to the floating torch. “If I wake up in Shirase’s bed, I’m going to get murdered.” These words were mumbled to himself, although, every sentence he had spoken aloud, unless the walls suddenly grew ears, were also spoken to himself. He tilted his head, staring blankly at the anomaly in front of him. He reached for the torch, figuring that it was a way for his subconscious to both wake him up and insult him at the same time. You’re not very bright. The flickering torch seemed to scream at him as he wrapped his fingers around the wood.  The world seemed to tilt on its axis, Chuuya’s vision dancing with sparks as he fell to the ground.  His attempt to catch himself on the altar only led to his hand getting cut, an odd, glittering gold substance leaking out of the scrape.  He didn’t have time to question the oddity of it all before his vision went fully black and the world slipped away from him. 

-

Chuuya woke up in his own bed, hazy memories of a voice that sounded merged with the tinkering keys of a piano fading away in his mind as he rubbed at his eyes. God, who made the sun so fucking bright. “You got carried home,” A whiny voice from his left accused, sounding quite put out. “My disciples just let me get lost and wander.” Chuuya shrieked, rounding to face the owner of the voice and meeting the gaze of the most attractive man he’d ever seen.  The man’s dark hair was a mess of waves, but somehow still suited his annoyingly attractive face. His own blue eyes met pools of amber, hints of mischief glinting in them as the man’s lips curled into a mocking smirk. At least the maniac Chuuya apparently brought home was hot. Even if his fashion sense was abysmal. “What are you wearing?” He demanded, eyeing the trench coat and bandages with clear distaste. “Were you wearing that when we met?” He hoped not.  Even at his worst, he hoped he wouldn’t have been okay being seen around that. “Is bringing home strangers common for you, then?” The man’s voice had an odd lilt to it, a branch of amused with a hint of mockery. There wasn’t any real malice in it, but certainly no kindness either. It was the kind of tone that would suit the villains Poe always gushed about, the ones who treated the world like their own personal game of chess. “And, seeing as this is our first time meeting,” He said casually, obviously, as if it didn’t mean he had broken into Chuuya’s apartment, “I am wearing this, and it’s far better than your outfit.” “You broke into my apartment?” Chuuya demanded, scooting to the far edge of the bed. Fuck, Tachihara was right about last night. “What the fuck–” “I didn’t break in,” The man waved it away, as if the idea was a pesky fly. “I was summoned by your disciples.” Chuuya was definitely about to get murdered by a homeless man with a god complex. His corpse would end up on the news, probably defiled and carved up with weird symbols this man dreamed in a drug induced haze– Kouyou would sob at his funeral and remind their dads that ‘I told you that he shouldn’t have gone to school in the city’ and his ghost wouldn’t even be able to defend itself. “My name’s Dazai, by the way.” The man continued on, completely ignoring Chuuya’s panic. “Dazai?” He repeated, voice sounding hysterical to his own ears. The name rang a bell, many bells in fact, but he couldn’t follow the string of recognition amidst all his panic. “Please don’t fuck my corpse, Dazai.”

“Not like you could become one, anyway,” Dazai answered in an odd, sing-song tone, “You really are quite small to be chosen as a god.” “Excuse me?” Chuuya demanded, feeling irrational anger pounding at the walls of his brain. The man was clearly a lunatic and arguing with him about his height was probably the least productive thing Chuuya could do, but per usual, his mouth was running before his mind could leash it. “You’re dressed head to toe in bandages and you want to insult the way I look?” “Can you calm down, shrimp?” Dazai’s lips quirked up at the edges, looking over Chuuya’s shoulder. “You’re making shit levitate with your fun sized rage.” “The fuck do you–” The words died in Chuuya’s throat as he saw multiple objects float up into the air, seemingly suspended there, actively defying gravity. “Oh my god, I’m still in the drug dream.” He whispered to himself. “Am I in a coma?” He demanded, staring at his hands. “Would I know?” “This is quite embarrassing for you,” Dazai–truly, his brain had to make his coma companion this annoying– mused. “Can you put the bed down, we’re about to hit the ceiling.”  Chuuya looked up, a yelp escaping his throat as he saw the ceiling a few centimeters above him. “How the fuck–” “Just think down, it's not that difficult." The bed crashed to the ground. 

“This is the worst hangover dream–” Chuuya began, but got cut off by the sound of loud knocking at his apartment’s door.  “I have a key and I’m not afraid to use it,” Tachihara’s loud voice floated in and Chuuya groaned. “Why did Gin see a photo of you on Shirase’s lap on Higuchi’s private story?”  A soft, unintelligible, voice added something, probably Gin confirming the story.

It all sounded so real, it all felt so real, but the shrine couldn’t have been real, his books and bed floating midair had no way of being real and yet–

Chuuya paused, looking between Dazai and the door. He remembered that photo being taken, right before he wisely stumbled his way out of the frat house and down the hall–before he had his weird shrine dream.  Would a dream be this connected to the real world?

“You’re awake,” Dazai confirmed, rising off from his cross legged position on his bed. “And your friends sound quite angry.”

Chuuya wanted to go back to sleep.

[blackmamba1103]

Warning: This contains smut, public sex, clothes ripping, a Dazai Osamu x Reader. Grammatical and typographical errors ahead, minors dni.

Looking out of the tinted window of the car, you sat on the backseat with your legs crossed, a wine glass full of crimson substance on hand. Many years had passed and Yokohama haven't changed that much. Passing by some clothing shops, convenient stores, malls and hotel buildings. You'll be taking a walk through town later or maybe visit the bar you usually go to with Odasaku, Ango, and him.

Now that you think about it, you missed and at the same time hated a certain brown haired mafioso, right after Odasaku's death he had disappeared without a word, the pain of being abandoned left a bitter taste on you and that's also the reason why you left Yokohama to move on and carry on with your life.

Upon arriving at the port mafia base, you were greeted by your father's men causing you to exhale a bit, how much you dislike it when they tried to treat you like a royalty. You head inside and through the hallways of the building. Reaching your father's office, knocking on the door and then stepping inside only to see him sitting on his usual seat facing the glass window and Kouyou sitting on the other seat across from him, a small table in between them.

"Ara~ Y/n-chan's finally here, you've finally grown to a fine young woman." Kouyou spoke in a soft tone of voice, you in response smiled warmly at the older woman.

"How's your trip, sweetheart? How much I missed you~" Mori asked, leaving his seat and approached his beloved daughter with a smile on his lips, embracing you tightly.

"I missed you too, dad. And it went well." You said in a soft tone of voice, pulling back to look at his father then around his office, "Where is Chuuya?"

"They're on a mission. Have you heard about the weretiger, Y/n?" Kouyou asked and you sat on a chair beside your father, crossing your legs.

"Yes, I did. Chuuya infromed me about it. Are you planning to capture it?" You asked, turning your attention to Mori.

"Of course, sweetheart." He said, a small chuckle escaped your lips at your father's reply. You already expected it right before Chuuya even told you about it. If it's about money or something he wants, he will surely do anything to get it.

_

It was afternoon and you decided to have a walk alone through the streets of Yokohama with your hands in your coat pockets. For your whole attire, you wore a brown trench coat and underneath it is a long-sleeved turtle neck shirt and for the lower part is a brown high waisted tennis skirt, black pantyhose and a pair of black ankle high heeled boots. Your long pale white hair down on your back and you also wore a brown beret hat on your head.

Walking and looking at the shop windows and buying some snacks to eat along the way for passed 30 minutes. Then you came across a café, observing the place and saw the sign

"Uzumaki Café." You said in a soft tone of voice and was about to step inside when you heard a familiar voice causing your body to froze on the spot.

"Y/n..." He says again for a couple of seconds and a soft shaky exhale escapes your lips, turning your head to look at the man you had never expect to meet again. You could see different emotions through his brown eyes...there's longing...guilt...sadness...affection...regret...

"D-dazai-san?"

Your attention shifts towards a shorter male that was standing beside him, he has light gray hair, pale skin, and is of average height with a slim build. He has segmental heterochromia, consisting of purple on the top half of his iris and yellow along the bottom curve of his pupil.

After a couple of seconds of silence, you glanced back at the taller man. You had a flat expression on your face, what do you expect to react towards a person who ruined your life and abandoned you?

You glanced away from his brown eyes that had always spellbound you, "It's been awhile, Osamu."

That day he had told Atsushi to come back to ADA office alone since his gonna have a talk with you for a bit. There is a part that you were against the idea of talking to him but there's also a part where you really longed to and want to. It's...confusing...

You sat on a bar stoll taking a sip of the red wine you had ordered at Bar Lupin, he had decided to take you in this place again. There's so many memories you had in this place with Oda and Ango that even right now you still kept the picture Ango had took of you four.

"How have you been?" He asked after a minute of silence, sitting beside you on a bar stoll. His left arm on the counter whilst his other hand hold his whiskey on ice, elbow on the counter as well, his brown eyes looking at you. It's been a decade since he last saw you and you had changed so much...even him...

"I've been well," you trailed off and took a piece of cherry and placing it in between your lips, plucking the stem off and placing it on the bowl then chewing, "how about you?"

"I've been doing great as well." He said and then silence follows. It was suffocating...after some time he speaks again in a more softer tone, "I'm sorry, Y/n."

"Sorry for what now?"

"For leaving without saying anything."

A chuckles escaped your luscious lips at that comment, uncrossing your legs then straightening your body up and turning your head to look at him, a small and fake smile on your lips.

"You're a decade too late, Dazai Osamu." You replied in a flat tone of voice and your face now devoid of emotion, you finished your wine, placed some paper bills on the table and slide off the bar stoll hurriedly heading out of the bar. Just as you reach outside, you were pulled by hand on your arm and towards the dark alleyway on the side of the bar. Your back on the stone wall as you glared up at him.

"Listen to me, I have a reason-"

You quickly cut him off with a slap on his face, the sound was harsh and sickening, you breathed heavily.

"Fuck off! I don't want to listen to your excuses. If you think a simple sorry can fix everything then you're wrong!"

All the frustration, the pain and suffering you had gone through because of his disappearance, you had waited for him to come back but he never did.

"I don't know what to do...how to find you..." you said in a small and cracked tone of voice, a defeated sigh escapes you, "It's better if we end this once and for all-"

"No."

Your eyes glow a vibrant shade of red indicating that your ability is activated but your eyes dims back to its normal hue when he used his no longer human ability and at the same time he had captire your lips in a passionate kiss. You placed your hands on his chest in an attempt to push him back but he quickly grabbed your hands and pinned it above your head preventing you from doing so.

You couldn't stop the tears that rolled down your face, he's doing it again just to decieve you and it worked just like he planned. You stopped struggling, your eyes closing as you kissed him back with the same vigor and after a minute or so he pulls back to look at you, forehead pressed against each other and him finally letting your wrists go and placing his bandage arms around your waist with your arms around his neck.

"Let me explain, Y/n. I know it's too late...but I'm begging you...let me explain...please..." he says in a soft tone of voice and kissing your lips, nose, cheeks and forehead just like he used to back then. You just prayed that you wouldn't regret your decision and so you slowly nodded in reply.

"God...I missed you so much..." he breathlessly says and capture your lips again in a more hungry and desperate kiss and you moaned low on your throat, your hands grabbing the collar of his brown trench coat and pulling him closer. You could felt his hands, caressing your hip and waist, he took off your trench coat and let it fall on the ground, his bandaged hands that toyched the skin of your stomach when he slid his hand inside your turtle neck, it burned your skin and shivers run down your spine at the pleasurable feeling.

Pulling you in his body even more, he had placed his left knee in between your legs causing you to gasp and moan, his tongue diving in to taste you even more.

At this moment you could feel how much he longed for you and you feeling the same way as he is. There's also a part that you couldn't trust him yet, that he would abandon you again just like he did before but there's also a part of you that wanted to trust him and let him explain. Your thoughts got cut off when his mouth left your lips only to trail kisses and left small marks along your jaw and neck, pulling the collar of your turtle neck.

"Osamu..." you whispered his name and your hands caressing and tugging on his dark brown locks of hair. Oh, how much you missed this, his heated touches, passionate kisses, his brown eyes that look at you affectionately and his voice...you couldn't resist him and so you give in to the temptation.

"Y/n..." he breathlessly says and a small gasp escape your slightly parted lips when his hands slid inside to the back of your brown tennis skirt and ripped open your panty hose.

"You idiot!" You whispered yell and glared at him, he just chuckle at your reaction then took your hands and guided it towards his pants.

"I know you like it when I do that."

"I don't!"

"Don't lie, baby." He whispered huskily on your ear and biting the tip making you whimper a bit, "Now...do me a favor and unbuckle me up."

You did as you were told with shaky hands, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants, pulling the zipper down revealing his boxer briefs that has a small tint on it. He was hard.

"So hard for me? Did I turn you on that much~?" She whisper in a soft and seductive tone, a small shaky exhale escapes his lips as he felt your right hand caressing his navel and moving down to slip your hand inside his underwear to grab his well endowed cock.

He groan a bit at your sensuous touch and a small smirk forming on your lips, how much you like it hearing his voice and the way his nose nuzzling your neck, a choke moan escaped him when you squeezed him a bit and your thumb teasing the tip of his cock in a circular motion and your other hand squeezing and rubbing his balls. He grabbed your hand and you stopped, "If I wanted to cum, I want it inside you."

A dark blush tints your cheeks when he says that causing him to smirk. He do know how to make you blush just with a simple sentence but of course, you wouldn't back down, you wouldn't be entitled as the perilous seductress of the port mafia for nothing.

"Really~? Then take me~" You whispered in a seductive way.

"I love it when you talk dirty to me but I still need to prep you, my dear bella. It's been awhile since we did it and it might hurt."

"Hmmm? But I've done it with the other--" a small gasp escapes your pink luscious lips when his hand slid inside your panties and fingers rubbing your clit in slow circular motion.

"You're so wet for me, you were saying?" He asked through gritted teeth and a close eyed smile, noticing the irk mark on his head, without a warning he insert a finger inside your tight walls, thrusting it in and out slowly and after some time he slid another finger in next to the other. You gasped and moan, clenching around his fingers and a sly smirk forms on his lips while humming in satisfaction. Placing a kiss on your cheek and just as you were about to cum, he had stopped his movements causing you to whine and pout your lips, glaring at him a bit.

"Don't look at me like that, It's a punishment for teasing me~"

He grabbed your legs, hoisting you up and your arms around his neck with your back pressed against the wall. A soft blush tints your cheeks when you felt his cock rubbing on the slit of your entrance then he whispered darkly beside your ear, "We're still outside so try not to scream too much, you don't wanna get caught, do you~?"

At that said and slight adjustment of his hips, he had entered her, both of you moaning softly in unison. He felt your walls clamping down on him and so he nuzzled your neck lovingly to get you to relax. After a few seconds, he started moving slowly for you to adjust from his size while small whimpers escaping your pink luscious lips with your eyes closed shut at the feeling. It was a pain mixed with pleasure but slowly the pain subsided and you were now gasping and grabbing on the fabric of his brown trench coat with you moving your hips in timing of his thrusts. The euphoric feeling was to much for you to handle and you bite down on your hand.

Dazai thrusted rather a bit roughly causing you to stop biting your hand to gasp, head thrown back and he licked his lips at the sight. Just by looking at your disheveled and your pleasure filled expressions and the way you tighten around him is enough to almost send him over the edge. He fastened up the movement of his hips and cover your mouth with his bandaged hand and just as you cried out for release, a small gasp escape his lips as he released right after you, painting your walls with white substance. His movements slowing down to a stop. Both of you trying to catch your breaths, his hand left your mouth and then placed a loving kiss on your forehead.

"Will you come with me, Y/n?." He whispered and you just nodded your head in reply.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Atsushi who’s used to being self reliant because no one was ever there for him. He was abandoned by his parents and the orphanage hated him. He taught himself how to cook, to clean and what to do when he was sick and hurt.

No one else was going to help him.

Atsushi finding it so foreign when the Agency tries to help him. He’s already thinking off how he’s going to pay Kunikida back for the food. When the man just shakes his head and tells him he’s not expected too.

That doesn’t make sense to Atsushi because nothing is free. Everything in the orphanage was measured in points, gaining them and losing them.

In rewards and punishments and Atsushi knows those conditions better than anyone else. It’s what’s kept him alive. What he did deserves consequences, but there’s no cage to be found in the Agency.

He settles on doing some extra paperwork and doesn’t understand when Kunikida thanks him. But adds that if wasn’t necessary.

Yosano finds him after a mission and asks how his legs doing. She asks why he didn’t see her about it. And Atsushi doesn’t understand why he would bother her like that.

He tied an old bedsheet around his bleeding leg because why would he waste valuable first aid equipment on himself. He’s survived so much worse so it wasn’t necessary.

The nurse at the orphanage would’ve dismissed him as fine without a second look. He’d be left in the dark to tend to his own wounds. Remarking that he was probably faking his injuries just for attention.

And now he was wasting Dr Yosano’s precious time when she could be out helping people.

Atsushi sits through a very confusing lecture from her, Kunikida and Dazai when he comes to work sick and shaking. In the orphanage if didn’t matter if you on deaths door, you would complete your work no matter what.

Atsushi would be dragged from what should’ve killed him back to the kitchens and be told to make dinner like nothing happened.

The idea of a day off confused and repulsed him. A day of no work, of lazing about and being useless. Was this some sort of test? Any moment Atsushi wasn’t working he was proving how much of a burden he truly was. If he couldn’t earn his keep they’d get rid of him.

Just like everyone always did.

He fights tooth and nail to not be sent home. He’s felt worse, he’s been worse and done so much more. He’ll lie down after he’s done for the day and nurse himself like he always has.

Really why was everyone looking at him that? It was nothing.

[chososchalupa]

wish that it was me

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The last person you wanted to see at this meeting was your older brother. The same brother who left you in the hands of Chuuya Nakahara and the Port Mafia years ago, but all you can see now are the pleading eyes of Osamu Dazai begging for forgiveness.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Chapter eight - Memories

wc - 912

chapter nine

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The two of you sat in awkward silence for awhile before Atsushi spoke up, “You know, Dazai does care a lot about you”

You glanced up from your phone to look at him, “Huh?”

“I heard you and Chuuya talking. Dazai does care about you”

You chuckled at his words while looking around the room, “Sure looks it”

“He-”

You narrowed your eyes as he began speaking, “Atsushi. I have no interest in talking about this with you of all people. Osamu hasn’t reached out in years, do you understand how it makes me feel to see him act like a big brother to you when he hasn’t even made an effort for me?”

Atsushi opened his mouth to respond but you continued,

“I mean, look around! He has pictures of you guys scattered all around this room and not a single photo of me and him.”

“He has one in his wallet,” Atsushi said in a soft tone.

“Huh?”

“A picture of the two of you, he has one in his wallet. I asked him about it when I noticed it”

You weren't sure how to respond, Dazai kept a photo of the two of you with him?

“I was upset for you when he told me he had left you behind. I know what it’s like to be abandoned, trust me”

Your eyes softened as Atsushi continued,

“I don’t agree with his choices but you have to understand why he did it, right?”

You shook your head, “I would have helped him”

Atsushi gave a small smile, “You know you couldn’t have”

Atsushi was right, even if you didn’t want to admit it. You would have only made things harder for Dazai.

“He has photos of you guys in here too,” Atsushi said as he stood up from the couch and began walking towards the kitchen. 

You quickly followed him towards the fridge that was covered in photos, “That is you, right?” Atsushi asked, pointing at a photo in the center.

It was a photo Mori had taken of the two of you when you had first joined the Mafia, 

“Come on, just one picture!” Mori pleaded as you and Dazai looked at eachother with bored expressions. 

“No, thank you” You spoke, going back to brushing your doll's hair. 

“Aren’t you too old to be playing with dolls?” Dazai asked, a smile playing on his lips as he teased you.

“Shut up” You glared back

Mori sighed, the two of you had been bickering all day and he was simply sick of it at this point. 

“The least you two could do is give me a smile. I’ll even buy you a new doll!”

Mori’s words caught your attention as you set your current doll down and gave him a smile.

“Perfect! Now Dazai, smile with your sister, please!”

Dazai rolled his eyes before flashing a big grin.

Mori snapped the picture quickly, knowing the smiles were going to go away any second. 

The smiles you both wore were very obviously fake, making you laugh slightly as you nodded, “Yeah. We were so young”

You continued looking over the photos, most of them were of Dazai’s days in the Port Mafia, over half of them included you. 

“I’ve never asked about this one,” Atsushi stated, pointing at a small photo of you, Dazai, and Chuuya. 

“Oh my gosh” You giggled, “That was after my first mission with them. I don’t even know how Osamu got this”

The photo was of the three of you all asleep on the floor of Mori’s office, you remembered that day so well. 

“Would you guys please stop arguing?” You asked, walking ahead of the fighting boys you were stuck with all day. 

Mori had sent the three of you out on a mission, it was simple enough but it was very late by the time you got back. 

“Chuuya started it” Dazai whined, pushing Chuuya slighting

“HUH? I did not” Chuuya responded, pushing Dazai forward causing him to bump into you. 

You tripped forward and glared at the two boys behind you, “I am never doing this again”

The three of you had finally made your way into Mori’s office, only to find it empty with a note on his desk. 

“Be back soon, make yourselves comfortable” it read

You groaned before sitting down on the floor, 

“Why the fuck are you sitting on the floor when we have chairs?” Chuuya asked

“Comfy”

Dazai looked between the two of you before joining you on the floor, “Come on, Chibi. Get down here”

Chuuya rolled his eyes before sitting beside Dazai. The three of you talked about the mission until sleep overcame all of you. You awoke to the sound of a camera flashing, Mori standing above you all with a smile on his face.

“I apologize for waking you, I just had to remember this moment” He laughed, causing the two boys to wake up. 

“How was the mission?”

Atsushi laughed as you finished the story, “Mori takes a lot of pictures, huh?”

You nodded, “He said it was his way of trying to give us a “normal” childhood, so we could have memories to look back on”

“And i’m glad he did” You heard from behind you, “The only good thing the man has ever done” 

You turned to see Dazai standing beside Chuuya, who was holding several bags from the shop down the road. 

“I told you I didn’t forget about you”

taglist

@lacunaanonymoused @decaf-nosebleed @till-we-become-monsters

AO3

masterlist

[robsterskellington]

Shin Soukoku again being the more popular vote, huh? This snippet has Vanitas being more of a side character, but he's still involved.

Context: "In six months time, I'm going to kill you." Akutagawa never breaks his promises, right?

*It's time.*

That text had frozen Atsushi's heart, and made him feel sick. After getting the date confirmed, he realised that it had been exactly six months since the end of the Cannibalism Incident, and thus it was time for Akutagawa to fight Atsushi to the death.

*Why? Why did this have to happen? I thought we were getting along, I thought we finally understood each other!* His thoughts weren't helping matters in the slightest- he felt betrayed, but how could he not? Akutagawa had been hanging out with him a lot; sometimes they sparred and fought, sometimes they simply met for tea, and sometimes Akutagawa would simply be there whenever Byakko needed to run around in that beautiful forest.

But clearly it was all for nothing. Akutagawa would never break a promise, especially not for an *enemy*. That's all Atsushi was, in the end. And it hurt, oh God it hurt. He had to excuse himself and run to the bathroom, crying his eyes out. This was always going to happen, Atsushi knew that, but... knowing that the time had come, knowing that Akutagawa was ready to kill him, it made him throw up.

Eventually he emerged, and simply texted back to ask where to meet. Maybe Atsushi would beat Akutagawa? But then would Akutagawa stop if Atsushi defeated him, or would the fight only stop when one of them died? Atsushi had to come to terms with the fact that it was likely Akutagawa had only been so kind, so good to him, to soften him until he refused to fight him, which would just give Akutagawa an easy win.

His sour mood didn't go unnoticed, but nobody spoke to him. Vanitas seemed keen on keeping everyone away from him, and Ranpo was helping. Dazai wasn't in the office, he was likely bothering Chuuya. Atsushi suddenly growled and faced them, "What's the deal with you all?!"

"Atsushi, just calm down." Vanitas spoke softly and looked at him, "Just go meet Akutagawa, and we'll talk later, okay?" Vanitas had been informed of the promise, but he didn't look nervous. If anything, there was a slight smile hidden on his face, and Atsushi noticed a twinkle in Yosano's eyes. They were up to something, obviously.

Atsushi was texted a bunch of coordinates- he still struggled to read them, so he showed Kyouka, who instructed him to go to the Port, and to an abandoned warehouse that had red paint, crumbling off on the outside. She then gave Atsushi a big hug, since she clearly wasn't in the same know-how as Ranpo, Yosano and Vanitas, and whispered softly, "Even if he begs you, don't kill him. And please don't die, I can't lose you."

He held her tightly, then kissed her forehead. She truly was the little sister he wished he had. After taking a breath, he left, his tears dry and his heart hardened.

****

After a walk that took entirely too long as a result of Atsushi dragging his feet, he arrived at the designated location. The whole area was barren, save some dilapidated buildings. The warehouse he was sent to was empty, just the main structures and some railings remained.

Akutagawa was stood leaning against a pillar, scrolling on his phone, not even dressed in his usual gear- his iconic coat was nowhere to be seen, he was wearing black jeans, black converse and a sky blue hoodie. Only a select few people, (meaning Dazai, Gin and Atsushi), knew that Akutagawa's favourite colour was actually lighter shades of blue.

The outfit was... inappropriate. Not because of the clothes having anything wrong with them, but because Rashōmon wouldn't have a good reach with them, though Akutagawa obviously didn't care. He looked completely relaxed, as if he hadn't just summoned Atsushi for a death match. That sight completely enraged him and he clenched his fists.

"*AKUTAGAWA!!*"

Atsushi jumped down, shaking with fury, but Akutagawa looked calm. In fact, after seeing Atsushi, he grew a warm smile, one that made Atsushi's heart skip a beat, "Greetings, Weretiger."

"...*greetings*?! That's all you can say right now? Fucking *greetings*?!" What was Akutagawa's play? This was insulting and ridiculous, and Akutagawa had the audacity to downplay his feelings?!

Akutagawa stood up properly, and walked calmly towards Atsushi, keeping his hands in his pockets, "You're upset, but you shouldn't be." Before the younger man could shout again, Akutagawa gently continued, "Jinko. I've spent my entire life making and keeping promises. I've never broken a promise. Only now do I realise just how idiotic that is."

That wasn't what Atsushi expected. It wasn't stupid to keep promises, was it? That was when a horrible image flashed in Atsushi's mind- Fukuchi and that cursed sword, slashing Akutagawa's throat. If Atsushi hadn't made Akutagawa promise not to kill, they might not have even gotten to that point. They could have killed the bastard before he could summon the sword. He couldn't speak, and he couldn't look at the man in front of him.

Akutagawa saw Atsushi's expression, and took that as a sign to continue, "These past six months have taught me so much. Finding ways to resolve situations without killing is certainly a good alternative, and it's less paperwork." He was only half-joking, but saw that Atsushi didn't even crack a smile. Taking another breath, he got to his point: "I can't kill you. I don't want to, so I refuse. This will be the first promise I *break*."

"...what?" This wasn't real. It couldn't be. But he hoped it was, that he wouldn't wake up and find out that this was just a dream.

Akutagawa took a step closer and smiled at Atsushi, "I... wanted to know what my actual feelings were. So during the time limit I set for us, I decided to spend time with you. I've been alive for nearly 21 years, and I swear that I've never laughed, cried, or enjoyed myself as much as I have when we're together. Being around you simply feels right. If I kill you, then that's all gone, and I cannot allow that."

He couldn't ignore his emotions anymore, and he didn't even really understand his jealousy in the first place! Sure, Atsushi got all of Dazai's attention and praise, but one, he'd earned every word of encouragement and kindness, and two, Akutagawa was dealing with a version of Dazai that was toxic and cruel. The facts of the matter was that they were a great team, the New Double Black, and knew that they could trust each other in any life or death situation. Akutagawa was done being cold to Atsushi, the man he willingly gave up his life for.

Atsushi was shaking, he felt more emotional than he'd done in a long time. Without thinking, he hugged Akutagawa tightly, sobbing into his chest. The tears fell more when he felt the other wrapping his arms securely around him, the two of them just embracing. After a little longer, Atsushi sniffed, "...Ryū? Is this really what you want?"

"I want a lot more, but that'll come later." He chuckled weakly, stroking the back of Atsushi's head, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the Weretiger's warmth, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I wanted to, but I was so scared you wouldn't believe me. I didn't want you to hate me again, we've come so far from when we first met."

"Still, I'll get you for scaring me like that, you lunatic." They both laughed a little, and Atsushi finally calmed down, pulling away and wiping his eyes. They needed to talk things through properly, but while his emotions and mind were a bit fried, Atsushi looked up at Akutagawa, "I was scared. I didn't wanna die, I didn't wanna hurt you. Seeing you die on the ship..." he frowned then tilted his head, "You never answered my question. Why did you save me that day? Was it because of Dazai's orders, or because you wanted to kill me yourself back then?"

"Actually, when he ordered me to protect you, I initially refused at the time, like a fool." Akutagawa reached out and stroked Atsushi's cheek, "I saved you, simply because I wanted you to live. I wanted you to see that even if you thought you had no right to live, other people like myself disagree. You have every right to live, and I'm so grateful every day I see you, alive and well. No more suffering or pain."

He'd never heard those words before. Atsushi had never been told that others wanted him to live. Sometimes implications weren't enough. Sure, Kyouka had asked him not to die, but it wasn't quite the same. Someone being grateful that Atsushi was alive felt so foreign to him, so alien. Coming from Akutagawa, it felt sincere. Leaning into Akutagawa's touch, he felt tears well up again, but he didn't fight to keep them, just letting them fall.

Once he regained his composure, Atsushi assumed that maybe they could go out for tea or something, but Akutagawa looked nervous suddenly, "Actually, would you mind taking me to the Agency? I believe your head detective will have figured out that I'm not keeping this particular promise, so there's no need for hostility."

"I mean, sure. I can bring you." He knew now that after six months of not killing, Akutagawa had changed. There was no way he'd flip like a switch now, especially when Akutagawa had since acknowledged that Dazai belonged at the Agency. Akutagawa was in the Port Mafia, so killing was unavoidable, but Akutagawa would *try* not to, so that gave Atsushi some peace. But still, "May I ask why, first?"

"You may, and I shall tell." Akutagawa looked uncomfortable for a moment, then looked at Atsushi with a soft expression, "As you're aware, I have a lung disease that's slowly but surely killing me. However, five months ago, Vanitas had given me a medicine to soothe the pain, and allow me to breathe properly. Because of it, I have grown physically stronger, and I feel healthier."

Atsushi knew all this, of course. Vanitas had given Akutagawa the herbal remedy he'd concocted while the Port Mafia were still Vampires, and he'd been taking it for so long that his coughing was a rare occurrence now. The problem was that lungs, once damaged, tend to remain that way. The medication helped with the breathing difficulties, and helped Akutagawa do more with his body and life, but the lung disease would kill him in the end.

He felt his heart fill with light when Akutagawa continued: "Before, I was so weak that if your Doctor Yosano tried to use her Ability on me, I would have died before Thou Shalt Not Die could activate, which is one Hell of a feat, considering it can cure death in certain circumstances." He cleared his throat, "Now... I'm not that weak anymore. I can survive. So, please take me to her... so I can get rid of this cursed illness once and for all, and live for as long as I can."

Atsushi was having a day of emotional whiplash. What started off with pure fear, was now a situation that filled him with so much joy that he couldn't see straight. Acting without thinking, Atsushi threw his arms around Akutagawa, who held him securely and swung him around using the momentum created, laughing! It was so ridiculous, but they were both happy and clearly doing things in the heat of the moment. This was completely verified by Atsushi, slamming his lips onto Akutagawa's.

The Black Caped Beast, the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia, was stunned silent and completely red in the face as the infamous Weretiger of the Armed Detective Agency kissed him like he needed Akutagawa's lips in order to breathe. In that moment, Akutagawa felt the same way, his arms holding Atsushi close, both of them aware of Byakko and Rashōmon purring within them, also happy.

Once they pulled apart, Atsushi grabbed Akutagawa's hand and practically dragged him to the Agency; it was a good thing that Akutagawa's lungs were already on the mend, at least now he could keep up without losing breath too fast and feeling like trash! He didn't want anything to ruin the moment they just had...

****

Vanitas and Ranpo had smug looks on their faces when they saw the boys return, and Akutagawa glared, "...you both really did call it."

"Yep!" Ranpo grinned as Vanitas explained, "However, we didn't want to risk anything going wrong, so we kept it to ourselves. The only other people who figured this out was the President, and Doctor Yosano."

As if summoned, Yosano came from the infirmary, looking surprised when Akutagawa bowed to her, "Doctor Yosano, after everything I've done, I understand if you refuse, but... I'm in desperate need of healing. Even with Vanitas' medicines, I'm not going to live too long with my lungs in this state. I'm willing to pay any price-"

Yosano cut him off by raising her hand, and looked at him, "You're a patient in need of help, and I'm aware that Vanitas' medicines can only do so much, while Mr. Mori is useless when it comes to diseases. You don't need to pay me anything, I'm just proud of you for finally admitting that you need help." She looked towards Atsushi and smiled, "You can trust me with Akutagawa's health."

It wouldn't take long, but Atsushi was still nervous at seeing Yosano drag Akutagawa into the infirmary. Kyouka had to hold him back when he heard the chainsaw whirring and Akutagawa's scream- he'd never heard Akutagawa scream with utter fear before, and he silently vowed that he would never let Akutagawa scream like that ever again. Kyouka hugged Atsushi, and he leaned into her. Obviously he knew that Yosano would cure Akutagawa completely, but it was still nerve-wracking to wait.

It was only a couple of minutes before Yosano came out, with a satisfied look, "Okay, that lung disease is all gone! And *yes* Atsushi, you can-" He zipped right past her before she could finish her sentence, but she found herself still doing so, "...see him now."

Vanitas laughed and went to make Yosano some tea to help her recover, "How bad?"

"If you hadn't given him that stuff, Akutagawa's lungs would have gotten worse. That boy hasn't smoked in his life, but his lungs were in a similar state to a chain smoker." She looked tired, but it was obvious that she thought it was worth it. "He probably would have died before meeting the six month deadline he'd set for Atsushi."

That was depressing, but unfortunately that was how unlucky life could be for some people. Akutagawa was already sickly, prone to infections and illnesses of all kinds. It was good that now he had support, and was able to trust people enough to help him. After giving Yosano the tea, Vanitas and Kyouka peaked inside the infirmary to see that Akutagawa was sound asleep in the bed, with Atsushi holding his hand and resting his head on the edge of aforementioned bed.

Vanitas smiled and grabbed an extra blanket, covering Atsushi's sleeping form before taking Kyouka's hand and leading her to the café to relax for a while. He'd already taken note of the fact that Akutagawa's breathing sounded steady, and he didn't look uncomfortable anymore. His chest no longer rattled, and he didn't cough himself awake.

*****

Akutagawa woke up an hour later, and he could immediately feel that he was *better*. It didn't feel like smoke was filling his lungs, and he couldn't taste blood in the back of his throat anymore. He felt someone squeeze his hand, and turned to smile at Atsushi taking a nap close to him. His heart hammered at the memory of that kiss, and he blushed to himself.

Maybe this partnership had more similarities to Chuuya and Dazai's than he thought. Working together, capable of destruction, and at the end of the day, they completed each other. Akutagawa and Atsushi weren't a single soul in two bodies, but their Abilities in the form of Kokko Zessō absolutely was.

Akutagawa smiled to himself as he watched Atsushi slowly awaken from his nap, and he couldn't help but stroke Atsushi's face when he saw that sleepy smile, "Ryū... how you feeling?"

"Healthy." That was honestly the best way to describe how he felt at this moment. Akutagawa leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Atsushi's, the pair of them holding each other like that for a moment.

It felt like now or never, so Atsushi spoke softly, "I... Ryū, I think I've made my thoughts clear, but I'm still gonna say it. I don't want us to be enemies anymore, or rivals. You may be in the Port Mafia, but that doesn't matter to me. I just... I just want to spend my life with you..."

That was something exceedingly dangerous to ask of a Mafia member, however Akutagawa completely returned that sentiment. He'd known Atsushi for months now, and they'd been through so much together. All Akutagawa wanted was to watch Atsushi live his life, while standing beside him the entire time. He'd never attack Atsushi, and he didn't particularly have any beef with the Agency, so a feud was pointless in his opinion.

All Akutagawa could do in response was pull Atsushi onto the bed with him, hold him close, and kiss him again. Atsushi squeaked, but wrapped his arms around Akutagawa and let them both sink into the bed, staying there for what felt like hours.

This was trust. This was loyalty. This was *love*.

[autumnleaf1111]

Out of character but whatever.

The ADA and Port Mafia have nothing to do so Aku and Kyoka sneak away and find a random abandoned building and spray paint or just use regular paint on the walls. stfu I know Kyoka is now in the ADA but who tf cares,I need something cute from these two

They just paint random stuff because they’re bored. At some point they end up throwing paint at each other. They get a call from the ada and port mafia saying that there is gonna be a joint mission and they need to have a meeting. Right then. So everyone is already in the meeting room. So they have to go in, covered in paint.

Aku: kyoka, can you hand me the blue spray paint?

Kyoka: mhm!

Aku: thank you.

5 minutes later

Aku: alright, I finished. What about you?

Kyoka: I’m done.

Aku: what did you make?

Kyoka: a bunny!

Aku:……

Kyoka: what?

Aku:it’s good but why is it bleeding out…?

Kyoka’s not much of a painter because she’s not a full artist but she’s a little good. You can tell what it is. It’s a bunny that has a cut on its side and is bleeding out.

Kyoka:Idk, I just wanted to do something creepy.

Aku: well you succeeded.

Kyoka: what about you? What did you make?

They both turn around to look at Akutagawas art. It was a galaxy. The stars had been aligned to make a tiger(like Atsushi), Rashoumon, and a bunny.

Kyoka: woah…… it’s so pretty!

Aku: thank you…

Kyoka: you’re so down bad for him.

Kyoka said while rolling her eyes.

Aku: I— what?

Kyoka: with Atsushi. You’re so in love with him it’s actually hilarious. You don’t even try to hide it. Everyone knows— well he doesn’t because he’s a little dumb but everyone else sees it.

Aku: I am not! That’s ridiculous…

Kyoka: uh— you literally promised not o kill anyone for 6 month even tho you have little to no control? That’s gay as hell!

She face palmed herself.

Aku: alright, be quiet!

He then took the blue spray paint and sprayed it at her. She had a tiny blue spot on her kimono.

Kyoka: gasp How dare you!

She took the yellow and green spray paint and sprayed him with a lot more than he sprayed her with.

Aku: dude! That’s a lot!?

He then he dipped his hand into one of the green paint buckets they brought and threw his hand towards her so paint the splattered on her.

Kyoka: ew! You got that shit in my mouth!

She took the orange paint and did the same thing to him!

Aku: Ay! Watch your language.

He took a paint brush and dipped it in purple paint and brushed it on the side of her face.

Kyoka: YOU DID NOT!

Aku: I just did

For the next five minutes they just threw paint on eachother.

Aku: Alright, that’s enough. This is gonna be hard to get out.

Kyoka: you’re just saying that because you lost.

Aku: 1.no I didn’t. 2.id rather not get more paint on my mouth. Or yours, I’d rather not have you die around me.

Kyoka: yeah yeah.

Akutagawa then gets a call from Chuuya.

Aku: it’s Chuuya.

He picks up.

Aku:Chuuya-San? What’s going on.

He put it on speaker.

Chuuya: I need you to get to the meeting room, we have another joint mission with the ADA. Most of them are here but some are gonna be here soon so we need you to get here.

Aku:……

Kyoka:……

They look at eachother.

Chuuya: you there?

Aku: yeah, sorry, I didn’t think you were done.

Chuuya: whatever, just started heading over here. Bye

Chuuya then hung up.

Kyoka: well, fuck

Aku: language

She rolled her eyes.

Kyoka: welp, get we are gonna go in looking like we just got attacked by a rainbow.

Aku: this’ll be fun.

ꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀꕀ

Kyoka: I think we are the last ones—

They were standing out side the door, ready to walk in.

Aku: welp, let’s just get this over with.

Kyoka: at least it finally dried.

Aku: you should dye the ends of your hair dark purple.

Some parts of her hair was covered in purple paint.

Kyoka: I’ll think about it.

Kyoka then opened the door and everyone was staring at them. They looked like a rainbow threw up on them.

Kyoka: sorry we are late, we kinda got lost—

Yosano: what the hell happened to you two?

Atsushi:why are you covered in paint…?

Dazai: you look liked you were attacked by a rainbow.

He laughed.

Mori: well this is interesting.

Fukuzawa: what did you two do?

He asked, mentally face palming himself.

Aku: we went to an old abandoned wear house and painted some parts of the wall.

Kouyou: that still doesn’t explain why it looks like a rainbow rained on you.

Kyoka: we kinda started throwing paint at each other for a good 7 minutes.

Chuuya: why…

Aku and kyoka:……

Kyoka: why not? It’s not like we knew we were gonna have to do this today so—

Kunikida: just sit down so we can’t start

They both sat down next to Atsushi. They kept glancing at each other trying not to laugh.