#atomic uni on the other hand is going to take Years to finish and will be full comic format

[petz5]

most of my art goals for this year are ranma centric BUT i do have 2 small oc projects i’ve already started working on…….. they’ll both get their own dedicated sideblogs bc theyre comic format

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader 

Chapter 4 - Bound by Fate 

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2 , Chapter 3

Summary: You travel to US to meet The Protagonist. There you learn that you have much bigger part to play than expected...

Warnings: None.

Author’s Notes: 4k, ladies and gentlemen! Sorry! Thank you for all the kind words and as usual welcome all the feedback. Enjoy!

When Neil said that he intended to jump on the plane to the US soon he meant it. Friday afternoon you found yourself aboard an 8-hour-long flight to Boston with seats in business class. While going to see the Tenet’s founder in person was bound to be a good excuse for missing the training, you did worry about being behind. As soon as the plane has reached cruising altitude, you took out the notes with serious intent to focus on them. You also wanted to avoid sharing an awkward silence with Neil. But it was not meant to be.

“Are you going to study now?” he asked, peering incredulously over your shoulder. 

“And why shouldn’t I? Got eight hours to spare” you sent him a glare and looked back at the pages.

“Well we could always talk…” he spoke up after a brief silence and you eyed him suspiciously.

That was tempting, you had to admit. You have barely spoken to each other since the day he came back, except for the conversations about the details of the trip. Yet after everything that happened you were grateful for that. But now, with stress about the upcoming meeting rising exponentially and tiredness gnawing at your brain, maybe it was time to change it. Before you could answer, you were interrupted by the smiley stewardess passing through:

“Drinks? Snacks?”

You immediately turned to Neil, glaring at him with a clear message: don’t you dare. But he only smirked at you and answered the flight attendant:

“Vodka tonic and whiskey coke. Thanks” your murderous frown had no effect on him.

You resorted to staring at the little flight map on your screen until the drinks have been served. Once the stewardess has moved along you went back to shooting daggers at Neil:

“What? Are you not a whiskey coke kind of person?” he asked with that innocent smile.

“I am” you admitted, and he grinned in response “But are we even allowed to drink on the job?”

“Technically we’re not on the job. Yet” he took a sip of the drink nonchalantly and you took the liberty to observe him.

Once again he has ditched the suit jacket and wore a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You had to admit that it did look good on him. His hair was in perfect state of dishevelment and you briefly considered brushing it away from his eyes. But his intense stare stopped any intent you could have had. 

“I never asked how you’re settling in” he spoke after a beat, looking at you with genuine interest.

“Well it’s not your fault I decided to get a whiplash that day” you joked and enjoyed the laugh it prompted “I’m managing. Like I said at the party, it’s difficult to understand and inversion is tricky but it’s so fascinating” the sparks in his eyes urged you to continue “When I finished uni I never thought I could have a chance to work for an organisation like Tenet. The best I wished for was the UK Government” you grimaced at the idea “Still no clue what the nuclear fission is though” you added and reached for the drink.

“The offer to help with physics still stands you know” Neil was looking at you with a gleam in his eye.

“And I’ll surely consider it” you winked, feeling glad you’ve ditched those notes.

“What’s your favourite part of the training?” he has turned in his seat so that he was facing you.

“Probably guns”

“Good choice” he sent you an impressed smirk.

“Well maybe not the inverted rounds, but all the different types of arms and artillery are fun to play with” you elaborated with a gleeful enthusiasm.

Neil smiled at the sight.

“My sources tell me your good at shooting too” he added after a short break, eyeing you with interest.

“I’m not a rookie” you shrugged “And apparently have a good eye as well” you held his gaze, feeling a boost of courage “Maybe one day I’ll show you”

Neil stared back at you with a slight shock on his face. He recovered quick enough to retort:

“Can’t wait” he smirked, and you looked down suddenly aware of what you said.

Can always blame it on the alcohol, you thought while staring at your lap. But before you could overthink it, Neil reached out and tipped your chin so that you met his gaze. He was smiling at you, but this time it was not a cocky grin. He searched your eyes for a short moment, making sure you were fine before dropping away his hand. You stared back puzzled, but before you could think about it too long, he asked:

“So it’s fair to assume that you don’t hate me for introducing you to this madness?”

“Could never” you laughed, and he grinned back “Even though I must admit I became quite a loner because of it. It’s hard to have friends when you train at a secret spy agency”

“There’s always me” he shrugged.

“I can’t say I know you” you replied truthfully and took a moment to stare at his face.

He nodded, accepting your statement and then smirked. You watched, wide-eyed, as he undid the top button on his shirt and leaned into the seat. If he noticed your silent panic, he did not show it.

“What do you want to know?” there was something almost challenging in his gaze.

You took a moment to recover before thinking hard about what to ask. You knew that this was potentially a one-off chance to learn something about him.

“How long have you been doing this?” you gestured vaguely.

Neil frowned, thinking hard and you focused on the face he made.

“Four years, I think” he ruffled his hair again “Thinking in linear terms is difficult after all those inversions” he added with a little smile “I’ve been recruited by the TP while still at my old job”

“What were you doing before?” 

“I’ve been in the Navy” you stared at him surprised “Turns out they are willing to take in lost Physics students”.

He noticed your dazed look and grinned:

“What? You thought I was an ex-MI6 agent or something?” he cocked his eyebrow. 

“Well you could definitely be a James Bond” you muttered and ignored the smug smile you got in return.

“I met TP one day while on the field mission in Asia and we cooperated very well so at the end he asked me to join Tenet. Naturally I said yes” he explained, and you nodded “You don’t turn away an offer like that. You know that best” you exchanged a smile “Has that satisfied your curiosity?” he finished the drink and turned to look at you expectantly.

“A bit” you admitted.

Before you could say anything more you yawned widely and then looked at Neil sheepishly.

“Shit, sorry. Swear am not that tired” 

He laughed, looking at you softly:

“Maybe my life story was that boring”

“Certainly not” another yawn and you covered your face with your hands.

“You can sleep, we still have six hours to go” he reassured you.

You felt very tired. All those hours of training and the stress made you feel worn out. So you decided to give in, letting your head lean on the headrest and reclined the back of the seat. 

“Wake me up for food” you joked and closed your eyes, feeling Neil chuckle next to you.

Slowly you felt yourself drift off to sleep, hoping your dreams won’t make you regret the decision when you wake up.

*** First thing you noticed after waking up was that you no longer had the leather head rest acting as your pillow. Instead it was something warmer and firmer. You could smell intense cologne and that revelation made your eyes widen. Somehow in the sleep you have moved so that your head was resting on Neil’s shoulder. And judging by his small smirk he was fully aware of that and did nothing. Quickly you straightened and looked at him shyly. He grinned and said:

“Don’t worry, they haven’t served the food yet”

“Great” you felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

You opened the notes again and forced your brain to focus on the nuclear fission. You felt Neil’s gaze on you and fought hard to ignore it.  

God, this is going to be a long journey…

*** You managed to avoid further humiliation by focusing on studying during the rest of the flight. Neil has even contributed with a couple of explanations. Hearing him talk about the atoms and electrons with passion made you want to ask him about the topic again. 

Once you landed in Boston, he practically dragged you through the customs and the arrivals hall. You stopped outside by the taxi stop and you finally caught your breath:

“We’re getting a taxi?” you looked sceptically at the forming queue.

Neil finished typing a message and glanced at you:

“Do you think we’re on a budget cut?” you laughed at his affronted expression.

“Judging by your suit…” you eyed him quickly “Most certainly not”

“You like my suits?” the hint of the sly grin started to form on his lips.

You were saved from answering by a black Tesla stopping in front of you. Neil opened the door and gestured for you to get in. 

“Got to admit that this organisation has a good taste in cars” you noticed.

“Maybe one day you’ll get one those” Neil winked, and you grinned back.

You watched through the window as the the city sights passed by, curious about Boston. You were headed to the outskirts of the city, judging by the signs on the highway. After a short silence, you asked Neil:

“So… the Protagonist. What is he like?”

“He’s...” he took a moment to think and you observed him with interest “Fun” his face lit up “Charismatic. And very mysterious but not in an intimidating kind of way”

“You’re close with him?”

You liked the happy smile that showed on his face.

“You could say so. When he hired me, Tenet was only starting out and it was mostly us two on the missions” he recollected with fond look “These days he rarely goes into the field but if he does, it’s usually with me”

“A dream team” you grinned, and he chuckled.

Suddenly the car stopped, and you looked through the window at the building exactly in front.

“Welcome to the Tenet Headquarters” Neil grinned at you widely as he opened the door.

You got out of the car and stared at the tall glass building with a large parking area and a tall fence. Following Neil, you showed your ID to the security camera and walked through the sliding door. Interior was very like what you were used to in London, but more modern. As soon as you entered, a tall man in a suit approached you:

“Welcome back Neil!” they exchanged a handshake “And it’s nice to meet you” he turned to you and you accepted his hand “I’m Richard”.

“Y/N” you smiled.

“TP wants to see you now” Richard spoke to Neil “And he’ll talk to you both later during dinner” he explained.

“That’s good news as you can continue that nap” Neil glanced at you and you glared.

“Very funny” you muttered and chose to ignore the curious look Richard gave you both.

“I’ll show you your room now” the agent broke the awkward silence.

“Okay” you moved to follow him with your duffel bag thrown over the shoulder.

As you passed Neil, he swiftly squeezed your hand and then disappeared into on the side corridors. You briefly wondered why that became a goodbye gesture between you.

Not that you did mind.

*** You never got to have that nap. While the room Richard lead you to was very like what you were used to in London, your brain was too hyperactive to let you rest. Every time you shut your eyes, you kept thinking about the upcoming meeting and all the what ifs. Finally you gave up with thirty minutes left till the dinner and got ready. When Neil knocked on your door, you leaped out of the room, fuelled by anxiety.

“Everything alright?” he asked once he saw your wild gaze.

“Yeah, I’m just scared, that’s all” you admitted and looked at him pleadingly “Can we please get going before I change my mind?”

He eyed you carefully, making sure you were indeed ‘okay’ before pointing the direction of TP’s quarters.

“There’s no reason to be scared” Neil said after few minutes of tense silence “He’s probably the nicest person here” he looked at you with a reassuring smile.

“Nicer than you?” you looked at him sceptically.

Being this anxious meant that you no longer cared much about what you said. In this case your voiced thought was awarded with a sly grin from Neil.

“Oh you think I’m nice?” he winked, and you laughed despite the tension.

“I’m not so sure anymore…” you sent him a fake glare.

“You can think about it again after the meeting” he replied and gestured towards the door to your left “Here we are”.

You stared at the door, fighting the fleeing instinct. As though Neil knew you can run away any second, he took your hand in his and knocked on the door. Approximately five seconds later the door opened to reveal a smiling man in a suit. He exchanged a happy grin with Neil and then looked at you with interest. When his eyes darted to your linked hands, you felt your face heat up and was surprised to see him smirk knowingly. Before you could overthink it, TP broke the silence:

“Come on in” he smiled at you.

You had the strange feeling that he was looking at someone he knew very well. You ignored the spike of anxiety, let go of Neil’s hand and followed the Protagonist. His quarters had a separate private bedroom, a briefing room and a living area with a large table, set for dinner. When you all sat down, Tenet’s founder addressed you:

“First of all, I want to say I’m excited to finally meet you” he smiled at you warmly and you beamed back.

“Didn’t know I’m that important” you admitted and was surprised to him amused “But I’m glad I can be here”

“You probably have a lot of questions” you just nodded “But I thought it’s best we eat first. Is that okay?”

“Sure”

Once the food has been served by the cooks from the mess hall, the conversation has changed onto more mundane topics.

“So, what were you doing before Tenet?” the Protagonist asked you.

“I actually finished university not that long ago” you answered “I graduated two years ago and since then only did some part time jobs” 

Neil was looking at you across the table with a surprised expression. You tried to search his face for answers, but he schooled his features before you came to any conclusions. After conversations about your past and how you were getting on with the training, you have all cleared the plates. Neil and the Protagonist exchanged a mysterious look before the second one spoke:

“As you know by now from your training, I have knowledge about things that haven’t happened yet…” he started, almost tentatively.

“You mean that you came from the future? To set up Tenet?” you blurted out and got met with slightly worried looks “Because that’s what everyone says among the recruits” you explained, shrugging.

When you first heard this rumour passed around by the younger agents you did not pay it much attention. But after seeing more of what Tenet was capable of you were not so sure anymore. Looking at Neil and TP right now, you knew that all the stories were true.

“That’s probably a more straightforward way of putting it” the Protagonist joked “I’ve founded Tenet to prevent world ending catastrophes involving the technology of inversion. That’s the part you already know. There’s another reason why the organisation has been founded though”

You stared as he purposefully made a dramatic pause. Glancing at Neil, you noticed that he was studying you with a rather serious expression. You got the feeling that what was about to be said, was not common knowledge.

“In the future there will be an attempt an attempt to reverse the entropy of the whole world” your eyes widened in shock.

Even with your poor grasp of physics it sounded like a catastrophe.

“For this purpose something called The Algorithm will be created and constructed. It’s a formula in a physical form, broken into nine parts so that it is not so easily found and assembled. But now the different parts of it are beginning to resurface in this timeline. Our job is to stop it from being used in the recent future” the Protagonist explained, as though he was repeating a manual for the hob.

You felt the panic rise again. All this information was too much to take in.

“What does it have to do with me?” you asked, unable to wait much longer.

The serious look in Neil’s eyes did not help you either.

“TP thinks you have a part to play in stopping the Algorithm from being used” he explained while looking at you almost apologetically “So he’s sending us on a mission to investigate some intel on one of the parts being a subject of trade in New York”

“But why me?” you frowned.

It didn’t make any sense.

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that” the Protagonist apologised with a sad smile “It wouldn’t do you any good to know this early”

You looked at Neil, hoping to find some answers. But he seemed as lost as you were. You had a feeling that only TP knew the full story and he decided who was to be let in on it.

“You will leave on the mission in two days. Until then you can prepare here, and I’ll brief you both tomorrow” he added, and you could only nod “Finally, the last thing you need to know is that everything that was said today is between us three. Is that alright?”

“Of course” you got up, desperately wanting to get some rest “Neil is the only person I talk to anyway” you shrugged and received a knowing glance from TP again.

What even…

“Sorry, I’m very tired. Is it alright if we come back to it tomorrow?” you asked, suppressing a yawn.

“Yeah sure, you need a rest” TP patted your arm reassuringly “No need to be worried though, you’ll have Neil with you. And I know he’ll take care of you” there was something way too certain in his voice.

You looked at Neil, but he pretended to study a dossier, with tension radiating from his form. You wanted answers but could not even voice the questions.

*** After the meeting finished, you both left TP’s quarters in silence. You were scared and dreamt of nothing but locking yourself away in your room. But Neil had other ideas. As soon as he stepped out into the corridor, he took your hand in his and started leading you with purpose in his stride. You didn’t even protest. At this point you resorted to following him without questions.

He lead you to the staircase and then upstairs, to what was indicated as an evacuation route. You tried to search his face for any clues, but it was pointless. Finally he stopped in front of heavy metal doors at the top of the stairwell and opened it for you. You stepped into an expansive terrace overlooking the city and the neighbouring areas, with the stairs to the helicopter pad. The night has fallen on Boston and the view was illuminated with thousands of lights. You took in the sight with parted lips, not expecting to see anything like that on this dramatic night. Neil was leaning on the railing, looking at you with a small smile:

“Do you show this place to all the girls?” you asked him, while slowly approaching the balustrade.

“What girls?” he looked genuinely confused and you laughed at the face he made.

“Oh you know, like Anna…” you gestured vaguely at the lines of women that were waiting on his every word.

“What? No!” he finally caught on what you were asking and scrunched his face in offence “Anna is cute but she’s not… no”

What was he trying to say? But he turned towards the view and clenched his jaw. You stared at him for a while before resigning to look at the cityscape as well. Every now and then you would steal a glance at Neil, only to see him staring into the darkness. This was not what you were used to from him. When the tense silence dragged on for too long, you decided to act.

“Neil is everything alright?” you stepped closer to him “You’re awfully quiet” you noticed.

He turned his head to look at you with a small smirk that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You miss my voice already?”

“Stop it” impulsively you reached out and touched his hand that was clutching the railing.

He looked up at you with a slight surprise. Now that you made the move, you felt less scared. You gently rubbed a thumb over his hand and tried again:

“What’s wrong? Because if it’s my poor jokes about Anna and stuff, then sorry-”

“No” he cut you off with a smile “It’s not you. It’s just that all this talk about The Algorithm and world ending… it’s a lot sometimes” you nodded “And today when TP told me that you’ve got a role to play in it too…” he inhaled sharply “I…”

You looked at him intrigued and worried at the same time. You were not used to Neil speaking in broken sentences.

“What?” you prodded, letting your hand trace an invisible line up his forearm.

He looked at you with an unreadable expression before relaxing his hold on the balustrade. You were surprised to see that there were goosebumps on his arm where you have touched it.

“I hoped that you won’t have to be involved in this” he sighed “Maybe it’s foolish for someone who’s worked at Tenet for four years, but I wanted you to be safe from all this Algorithm related bullshit” he met your gaze with defeat.

You stared back at him, confused.

“Why?” your voice came out quiet and hoarse.

He shrugged helplessly, with an expression of sadness in his eyes. That alone made you forego any sense of awkwardness or fear. You closed the gap between you, embracing him tightly. After a second of hesitation you felt him return the embrace. He exhaled shakily and you allowed yourself to rest your head in the crook of his neck. Your heart was hammering in your chest, finally catching up with what was happening. Inhaling his scent, you forced yourself to calm down. You felt his hand caress the nape of you neck, making all the thoughts disappear from your head. You were frozen in place for what felt like hours before Neil relaxed his grip and took a step back. You met his gaze with an unspoken question and he just nodded, composing himself. Then he studied your face for a beat, before finally breaking the silence:

“I’m sorry”

You knew he meant everything by that: the news, the plan, his outburst.

“It’s okay” you smiled at him reassuringly and placed you hand on his shoulder “Happens to the best of us” you smoothed his wrinkled shirt collar.

He stared at you with astonishment that made your face heat up. Then he smiled and nodded his head in the direction of the exit from the terrace:

“Want to call it a night?” he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

“Sure” you smiled back and followed him back to the stairwell.

Somehow this night felt important. And not just because of what you learned.

[writingsfromhome]

A June “Love” Story

Part 2

A/N: I’ve been working on this one for a while, it’s about the reader and Harry bumping into each other every year in June and how things change every year. Some what-ifs + missed chances. I loved writing it, I hope you’ll love reading it.

----------------------------------------------------

June 8. Seven years ago.

As much as I wanted to turn away and go back home, I’d committed to this and I had to go through with it. The “this” in question was a blind date my uni friend Jack had set me up on with a friend he’d know since primary, saying how he was in town and he just knew we would get it on. Even though I told him I still wasn’t over my ex, he insisted.

“It’s fun, it’ll help you get over that man child!” Jack encouraged me on the way here.

“So you’re just trying to push me into a one-night stand to get over him?” I ask suspiciously. “Did your friend ask you for help to get laid or something?”

Jack laughs, “You’ll see when you meet him, he does not need my help. I just want to help you take your mind off...he who must not be named.”

“Two years of my life I gave to him,” I sigh. “It’s only been a month.”

“It’s just one night, you don’t have to commit to my friend forever. You might not even see him again”

“I know, I know. Whatever.” I grumble, touched that Jack cared enough about me to set this up for me but not wanting to say so.

The restaurant is a new Indian spot in east and I take a deep breath before entering. Immediately the hostess catches my eye.

“Two under Styles?” I ask, using the name Jack had given me.

She leads me to a table in the back and I spot him, not because I’d seen his picture beforehand, but he’s the only guy sitting alone and also he was gorgeous. Like, I was jealous of him gorgeous. And to think I hadn’t even put much effort into my outfit. Bollocks.

His eyes alight when they land on me and I give him a small wave. He immediately stands--such a gentleman, and I introduce myself trying to appear less nervous than I was. His big warm hands clasp mine and I feel a tingle up my arm.

“Harry,” he says, sitting down with me. “I hope it’s okay to say but you’re not exactly what Jack described you as.”

I roll my eyes, “His description was probably more ogre-like wasn’t it?”

Harry laughs, it lightens the mood around us, and his smile. Jesus. He definitely didn’t need Jack’s help.

“It was...bland. But you’re a lot more special looking than his Jane Doe description.”

I fight the blood rushing to my face but I can tell Harry knows how flustered he just got me because he ducks his head down and chuckles. I wanted to make him laugh all night, the thought pops into my head and I push it away. Get a grip Y/N. you just met him.

“I didn’t mean to make you speechless,” Harry teases once he looks back up.

“I was not-you did not make me speechless,” I stutter out. “I was just looking at the menu.”

“So shall we order?” He glances up, a twinkle in his eyes. I busy myself with the menu for the first time.

And despite the awkward first impression, after a glass of wine we’re both a lot more relaxed. And I actually want to kiss Jack in gratitude because this date was exactly what I needed to take my mind of of my ex. Harry makes me laugh like crazy, and we find out we know a couple more people in common. He was charming, a patient listener, and knew just how to push my buttons to keep me blushing all night. Or maybe that was just the wine.

As we get kicked out of the restaurant at closing, we stand outside, huddled against the evening air.

“This was nice,” Harry smiles at me. We wait for my Uber, I was hoping I could ask him to join me.

“Yeah, did you want to head to mine? I’ve got at least three unopened bottles of wine with our names on...” I trail off as I notice Harry stiffen. “Or we could just head home?”

“Ah,” Harry looks away, around us, before back to me. “I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow. It’s...best I call it a night.”

“Oh,” maybe I misread the whole fucking evening. I cringe; I was so lonely I’d made up a whole chemistry equation between Harry and I. A guy like him wouldn’t go home with a girl like me. How embarrassing!. “Of course. My Uber should be here anyway, it was a really nice time...thank you. For dinner.”

“No thank you,” Harry says softly. My Uber pulls up to the curb and he walks me to it, opening the door like the gentleman he was. “I’ll get your number from Jack, maybe we can...get together next time I’m in town?”

“Sure,” I say, wanting to end the conversation and just go home. “Good night Harry.”

He leans down and kisses my cheek and I grip the door to keep from running my hands through his hair or something equally as stupid. I wanted to go home and cry, and then maybe go to Jack’s and wring his neck.

Harry:

The first thing I do when I get back to my flat is take a cold shower. It took every atom of my control not to invite her back to mine and spend the whole bloody night with her, memorizing every inch of her body.

I’d just have to leave her next week when I left the city again, and a girl like Y/N deserved more than what I could give.

June 14. Six years ago.

“It’s Dr. Jack Caster to you,” Jack gloats and looks at Nate. “And especially to you.”

Nate stiffens beside me and I pipe in, “Don’t get so big headed Jack-you won’t fit through hospital doors.”

“Well I’ll just go through emergency won’t I?” Jack winks and we laugh, I relax having dodged the tension between Jack and Nate.

When I told Jack my ex, Nate, and I had gotten back together just weeks after he had set me up on that awful blind date last year, he was angry. He’d stopped talking to me for a week but like always, he eventually came around.

Nate and I had a long history, and we were trying to work things out! Although, we did break up once between then and now but we were going strong now. Jack’s friend Harry had texted me between that time, but I’d just texted him to say I was in a relationship. He never responded back so I didn’t give it much thought. After how embarrassed I was after the date, I was okay with never seeing him.

I watch Jack eye Nate as he spoke, Jack always gave Nate a hard time. Even during his own graduation party-Jack finally finished his residency and was officially a Dr-we were all in his flat celebrating the amazing occasion.

“I’m just so bloody proud of you,” I say after the crowd around us grows bigger. I give him one more hug before excusing myself to give space for everyone else moving to congratulate him. Nate trails behind me.

“He really hates me,” Nate says.

“Well,” I wasn’t even denying it as I walk towards the drinks. “He just doesn’t approve of us.”

“He never did,” Nate scoffs. “Don’t you remember in uni?”

“He was protective back then,” I find myself getting annoyed already. Why was I always easing the tension between Jack and Nate like it was my job? Ever since Nate and I got together in uni, Jack’s been standoffish at best with him. He just didn’t trust him. But that wasn’t what I wanted to focus on today. I just wanted to celebrate Jack and find myself a good drink...

“Y/N?” A voice comes from behind Nate and I as I pour an unlabelled wine into my cup. We turn to look and, of course. Harry Styles stands behind Nate. “Y/N, wow it is you!”

Harry ignores Nate and pulls me into a hug. I can smell the alcohol on him--this was not going to be good.

“Harry,” I eye his white t-shirt that showcase his lean arms but quickly glance away, I had a boyfriend!

“Hiya, I don’t think we’ve met,” Nate steps in belatedly. “I’m Nate, Y/N’s boyfriend.”

“So you’re the boyfriend.” Harry secretly winks at me. I knew if Nate found out how I knew him, it would make him insecure and send us spinning into another fight. I had to play mediator once again, I realise as Harry turns back to Nate. “I’m Harry, I-“

“He is Jack’s mate from primary, they go way back!” I pipe in.

“Yeah, way back, I thought you’d look different y’know?” Harry continues looking at Nate. Nate glances at me, questioning who Harry really was while Harry looks at me too, “I thought he’d look different. But Nate my man, you’re a lucky guy! Y/N’s boyfriend.”

“Yes, as we established,” I grind my teeth; Jack must have told him about Nate and I and our complicated history. And I didn’t want to get into it so I try to change the subject. “I didn’t think you’d make it here!”

“Well, Jack’s a bloody doctor,” Harry eyes Jack and shouts out his name but it’s too loud to carry. I’m just glad I’d struck the right chord to distract him. “You only become a doctor once right? I had to come to this!”

“Well if you got more than one doctorates technically-“

I cut Nate’s smart-mouthing off, “That’s sweet of you to support Jack. But Nate and I were just going to say hi to some old friends so maybe we can catch up later!”

“Eh. Nothin’ to catch up on,” Harry turns as I begin inching away. He was clearly going through something--the party was just starting and he was well on his way to wasted. But I had enough on my plate with navigating Nate and all my friends. I couldn’t look after Harry too. “You’ve got a boyfriend, I missed my chance. I’m drunk! Woo hoo! We’re all caught up now.”

I freeze, glance at Nate and he’s staring at Harry trying to figure out what he meant. Before he can open his mouth, again I drag Nate away.

“Did he hit on you or something?” Nate asks me.

“No not...he asked me out on a date.” I confess. “Back when we broke up. It’s nothing though, he’s drunk and I’d only met him once before. I barely know him. Hey let’s go say hi look there’s Mel...”

Crisis averted. For now.

***

“Harry’s pretty drunk,” I whisper to Jack later that night. I spotted him huddled outside in the cold and even though I told myself not to get involved I can’t help it. He seemed so vulnerable.

“His girlfriend just dumped him,” Jack follows my line of sight to him. “Bad night to celebrate anything. But the liquor helps him cope.”

“Well...shouldn’t you say something to him?”

“Nah,” Jack shrugs. “I’ve seen him like this, let him get it out of his system. He’ll just crash in the spare room if he needs.”

I never understood males, I think, as Jack walks away. If my friend just got dumped and was drinking to numb the pain, I’d make sure to give them any help they needed even if what they needed was just a drinking buddy.

“Can I join you?” I ask Harry, joining him outside with a beer for me and a water bottle for him.

“Ah, thanks.” Harry accepts the water. “Won’t your dick boyfriend mind?”

“Hm,” I glance back to where Nate talks animatedly to our uni friends. He’d gotten high off of someone’s grad gift to Jack and that usually meant I would be ignored for the rest of the night unless I listened to him talk for hours about whatever nerd shit his friends and him loved. “I don’t think he’ll notice, and even if he does, that’s his problem.”

Harry glances inside, “If I came here with you, I would never leave your side.”

“Well,” I tease. “Codependency isn’t very romantic.”

“Well neither is whatever you twos got going on.” I guess Harry got blunt when he was drunk.

“Ouch,” the words sting a little.

“Oh fu-sorry I-“

“Don’t,” I cut his apology off. “It’s okay. I’m used to everyone criticizing our relationship. We’re just...working through some stuff. Relationships aren’t always romance all the time right?” Harry makes a disapproving noise and it reminds me. “I heard you were dumped today.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m being an arse. Sorry, I can’t help it. I’m not usually like this. I’ll be embarrassed about it tomorrow if I remember.”

I lean against the wall, the cool bricks a nice reprieve. “I guess we’re even on the embarrassed part.” He looks over questioningingly. “When I asked you back to mine after our date? That was a bit embarrassing when you rejected me. So we’re even.”

Harry laughs and leans his shoulder against the wall so he’s facing my way. The string lights reflect in his eyes making a permanent twinkle. “Just s’yknow I wanted to go back to yours. like crazy. I almost said yah. But you’re more than a one night. I would never have gone to my meeting if I woke up to you.”

I open my mouth and then close it, letting the confession settle in, my stomach fluttering with butterflies like a schoolgirl. His eyes on me and his words create an exhilarating feeling inside, my heart picks up speed. I forgot what it felt like to be paid attention to like that. But I had a boyfriend...maybe I should’ve stayed inside where he was.

“Wait,” Harry pushes himself off the wall and leans down to be eye level. “Have I left you speechless? Again?”

“No,” I say too quickly. “I was just...thinking about um-”

“Speechless,” Harry breaks into a toothy grin. “Woman, you’re speechless.”

“Did you just call me woman?” I can’t help but laugh.

“I did,” Harry moves closer to me, his hand coming down on my waist and the alcohol on his breath a reminder he was drunk. “Do you got a problem with it?”

“Maybe,” I pretend seriousness as he leans in low, I try to say something else but my mouth is dry and the blood pounds through my ears. His eyes are on my lips, I think, is he going to kiss me?

“Y/N?” Nate’s voice near the door interrupts us and reminds me where I was and who I was with. I yank myself away from Harry and walk towards the open door. “There you are, what are you doing out...” I can feel Harry walk up behind me as Nate trails off. I pray he was too drunk or high or both to remember this.

“I’m right here--was just keeping Harry sober. Did you want to leave?”

“Uh,” Nate keeps an eye on Harry. “Yeah, most everyone left. I’m gonna call an Uber. Jack said we can leave the car here.”

“Perfect,” I say and without looking back at Harry I lead Nate back inside. That was close.

June 25. Five years ago.

I flip on the TV for some background noise as I towel dry my hair and begin getting ready for the wedding. Nate’s cousin was getting married today and I was invited as his plus one.

Things had been okay between Nate and I finally. My friends kept telling me I should move on anyway but Nate and I had history. That was worth something. It was nearly four years on and off.

“This next single is from his debut EP dropping August 17th, here’s Harry Styles on MTV.”

My thought are interrupted as I look to the screen and sure enough, Jack’s Harry is laying on a bare bed lip syncing a song. His song. Holy hell, he was on television!

I drop my brush and stare, mesmerized by his every move, the story his words paint, the emotions he displays in every performance of his lyrics. He was bloody good!

I suddenly remember his hand on my waist, how he looked at me like I was something special; I watch the same hand run through his thick locks. A sigh escapes me, he was electric...And I had a boyfriend. But for a minute I imagine what my life would’ve been like if I had gone home with him, or if I had kissed him that night at Jack’s...

I go back to brushing my hair but the song, and mostly the video, stay with me throughout the day and during the wedding and when I get back home I look him up and like a greedy goblin, take in everything I can find about him. It’s not enough.

June 2. Four years ago.

Harry:

I was finally back in London after months away. I’d been on tour for most of this year, my EP being a hit globally. It really felt unreal most nights standing on stages singing my heart out to thousands of strangers, who sang my heartbreak and heartache right back to me. I felt like the luckiest guy alive, like I was living in a 24/7 dream.

And speaking of heartbreak, I spot Jack walking towards me at the tube station looking like a wounded puppy. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend, and he was the exact picture of heartbreak.

“My work keeps me busy Harry, she knew that when we started dating! And a year later she decides she couldn’t keep up with it. It’s just so unfair!” He tells me as we walk.

“I know,” I sympathize with him. I’d had many failed relationships since before my career even started. Starting with my missed connection, the one that could’ve been: Y/N, who’s house we were also going to.

The story was that Y/N and Nate (Jack and I both actively protesting the idea she was still with that loser) moved in together and hosting a housewarming. Jack was supposed to bring his girlfriend but after everything that happened, Y/N agreed for the last minute switch knowing he needed the emotional support. I was nervous to see her, it was a couple years since I saw her last. But something almost happened that night. We never talked since, she’d just walked away from me. I did see her the next morning, as I looked out the window after crashing at Jack’s, she was opening up her car to drive back home. But I just watched her leave

“Aww Jack c’mere!” Y/N greets Jack as soon as she answers her door, pulling him into a big hug and squeezing visibly.

“Are you trying to kill me,” Jack chokes out to which Y/N laughs and lets him go.

“Nate’s just getting dressed, he’ll be down.” she tells him.

He mumbles something about not being there for him but Y/N ignores him and turns to me. Something passes over her face but she pastes on a smile and greets me with a hug too. But unlike Jack’s, it’s just a quick squeeze.

“What an honour to have you here Harry Styles,” Y/N jokes. “Our own celebrity; I heard you on the radio! I could hardly believe it was you the first time I heard your single!”

“I can hardly believe it myself now,” I hand her the rosé I brought. “Here, for your housewarming.”

“Aw you shouldn’t have,” she accepts it, making sure not to touch my hands. Just as quickly, she turns away and shouts upstairs. “Nate did you pick up the alcohol this morning?”

“What?” Nate calls from upstairs. His voice, I couldn’t stand it. I try to ignore the annoyance and move to the kitchen where Jack was already trying to make himself a drink.

“This vodka taste like fart,” Jack calls out to Y/N but she’s too busy yelling up the stairs. It stops when the doorbell rings again, the guests were arriving.

***

“Y/N! We’ll do the washup later!” One of Y/N’s friends calls out. Everyone minus Y/N were all sat around with dessert, a round of poker going. I had no idea how to play so I sat on the sidelines and watch, itching to talk to Y/N alone. She’d been hosting all evening moving from friend to friend, and I wanted to ask about her, see how she was. I knew she had her own life, but I wanted to check in.

“It’s alright!” She calls out. “I always lose at poker anyway, I’ll join you lot later!”

“Just leave her,” Nate says as he acts as dealer, not even pretending to care. “She won’t come. She always needs everything to be clean to relax.”

“Hey remember when Y/N came over to your dorm during finals with all those cleaning supplies and...”

Somebody brings up an old story I can’t relate to. I get up. Maybe I could help Y/N load the washer or something.

I excuse myself but nobody notices, Jack was already passed out on the couch and everyone else here was either recognised me and were too shy to say anything or had no idea who I was and why I was invited. The anonymity was a nice change from the usual.

“Hey, Y/N,” I say softly as I enter the kitchen. The dishes were loaded and the machine open, Y/N with her back to me was just frozen in place, staring at something in front of her. I have to call her name again.

“Oh, hey Harry,” she glances back quickly before rearranging some plates and closing the doors. Her voice sounds stuffy.

“Can I help with the cleanup?” I ask.

“Oh that’s sweet I’ve got it.” She continues to mess about the dishwasher but her voice doesn’t sound right. I ask again, and she drags her sleeve across her face before turning to me. Her eyes were puffy, she had been crying before I came in. At her own dinner party, while the rest of us were out there-including Nate-she was here, crying. I clench my jaw, the anger flaring up to replace how upset the thought made me. “You go out and just enjoy the company Harry, I’m alright.”

I don’t respond at first, just staring at her trying to decide if I should state the obvious. Clearly she wasn’t alright. “Well love,” I say, “the thing is I don’t think the company really knows who I am and why I’m invited.”

That gets a snort out of her. I consider it a small victory. “I take it Jack’s passed out then?”

“Like a light.”

She shakes her head. “Poor guy. I thought Jess was the one for him too, didn’t she seem nice?”

“Yeah,” I don’t admit I’d only met her once. “He’s taking it really hard, I think he though she was the one-“

“Y/N!” Nate, of course, interrupts us with his heavy tone. “Could you not hear me call your name? Where’s those sweets we ordered online the other day? The wine gummies?”

“Top left cabinet,” Y/N says automatically, no trace of emotion in her voice. I watch the interaction, he doesn’t even acknowledge that she’d been crying even though it’s clear as day. He just eyes me as he fishes out what he came for. I realise he was probably the reason she was crying. My hands form fists by my side.

“You joining the game Harry?” Nate asks me.

“I’m not much of a poker player,” I say lightly. “Bad pokerface.”

“I’d say you’ve got a pretty good pokerface,” Nate looks between Y/N and me before leaving. I had no idea what that was supposed to mea but I tighten my fists anyway.

“He’s a bit of an asshole isn’t he?” I turn around, forgetting “he” was her boyfriend. Y/N looks angry, so I apologise. “Sorry, I just don’t get why you’re with him.”

“Are you serious?” She asks.

“What?” I shrug. “I’m just saying-“

“You’re just insulting the both of us is what you’re doing. God, Harry, you’re always a little bit rude aren’t you? And you haven’t even got the excuse of being heartbrokenly drunk this time.” She juts out a hip and waits for my response.

“What?” I respond dumbly.

“The rude thing you said about Nate and me at Jack’s grad party-“

“I don’t even remember that night, I got drunk...” her earlier words come back to me and I cringe at my bad habit. “Did I say something rude and blame it on being drunk?”

“Ladies and gents, he’s not just handsome but smart as well.”

Y/N’s sarcasm isn’t lost on me. But she called me handsome and I can’t help but feel flattered. As she turns away to wiping down the countertop, I slide closer.

“So you think I’m handsome?” I ask.

She gives me a death glare, even with her puffy eyes it’s scary. “Don’t flatter yourself, it’s just what all the articles say.”

“You read articles on me?” I’m actually surprised.

“No, I’m not bloody obsessed with you, I just read them when they show up and...ugh nevermind.”

Y/N turns away and walks to the small kitchen window. The sun had set a long time ago, the street lights cast orange halos every 10 feet, and I don’t think she realises that the night’s turned the window into a mirror; I can see her reflection in the window pane. I watch her annoyance at me fade away into sadness as her face crumples into how she was really feeling. And I feel like a dick.

I walk closer to her and she hunches her shoulders. I hesitate before I say anything..

“Do you want me to leave?” I whisper.

The seconds pass by slowly as I anticipate her “yes”. But she surprises me by slowly turning to face me. Tears streak her face again but this time she doesn’t hide them. She just shakes her bowed head--she wanted me to stay--and walks towards me. So I do the only possible thing, I open up my arms to hold her sadness.

[eskewcity]

Cornfield

I listened to Dreamland by Glass Animals on repeat while writing this. 

(minor CW for alcoholism and drug addiction)

submitted by @bird-in-tennis-shoes

----------

Statement of Herbert Pope, regarding a visit to his parent’s farm.

I don’t know what’s happened to me. I don’t know what I’ve become. I don’t know when this will stop. I can only hope that whatever madness controls me will one day have had its fill. One day I will be allowed to sleep. Whenever I even try to comprehend what I’ve seen and done; just the magnitude of it makes me want to shut down. Or throw up. Or lock myself in the house and spread all of my belongings out on the floor so I can see and differentiate every part of the room. I tried to resist it at first, but there’s only so long you can go without sleeping. There’s only so long you can go without the temptation of another human being in your proximity.

I wasn’t always like this. You’ve got to understand I didn’t choose any of this. But before I get into what happened to begin with, I want to make it absolutely clear that I was sober when all of this took place. I don’t want this written off as drunken ramblings or a bad trip. I’m done with that. I’ve got myself a bit of a reputation, I know. But I’ve been sober for three years, and it was a hell of a journey to get that far. I’m not about to have my experience dismissed out of hand because your institute dug up some of the many bad decisions I made when I was younger. I was sober before I visited my parents last summer, I was sober the entire time I was there, and I’ve been sober since.

That’s always been a point of contention between us, actually. I’ve never had the greatest relationship with my parents. They were quite strict growing up, and when I got to uni I just wanted to be free. I guess that’s why I got really into the local party scene my first year there. By the time I was starting my second term, I was already addicted to just about everything I had access to. I even ended up dropping out. Naturally, this wasn’t something my parents were exactly thrilled about, and after a few bad arguments over the phone, I just stopped calling.

I know this isn’t really related. But I just want you to understand how I’ve turned my life around since. After a few months of sleeping on my friend’s couch and going to support groups, I was able to get a job and an apartment. It was several years after that before I felt like I could try to reconnect with my parents. They were happy to hear from me, and especially happy to hear that I had my life together again. I was definitely shocked to hear that they were moving out of the country, to America.

It had always been my mother’s dream to start a farm. We had a small garden when I was a kid, but that was never really enough. They’re both getting up in the years, and had decided that if they were going to do it, they might as well do it before they got too old to do the work of planting and harvesting. They’ve always been do-it-yourself types. I think the hustle and bustle of modern life was getting to them a bit. They’d been doing some research online, even joined a few forum pages to meet people. They’d been planning this for quite some time. Apparently my father has land in Gambier, Ohio that I never knew about. I don’t know all the details, but I think a friend of his, Samuel Fairchild, gave him some property with a farmhouse on it. It was quite a strange situation, from what I can gather. Sam only lived in the house for a few years before just giving it away. I never met the man, but my father once told me that he suspected Sam was in a cult. I don’t hazard a guess as to how they met.

Regardless, it was a nice house in a secluded spot. My father has been paying upkeep costs ever since he got the place, but never did anything with it. Might as well put it to use, I suppose. I made plans to visit them as soon as they got settled and I could take some time off work. When summer rolled around, I made arrangements and booked a flight to Columbus.

The house was about an hour’s drive from the airport, and once I really got out into the countryside, it struck me just how big everything was. Everything’s a lot more compact in the UK. Less space. Here, fields of corn and soybeans stretched out for acres. I would drive for a kilometer and never see a mailbox. Farm houses were tiny pinpricks in the distance. Sometimes barely visible behind a hill. Some farms seemed pristine and well taken care of. Others seemed to be only dilapidated, ramshackle piles of rusted machinery and half burnt out barns. I passed through a town on the way. Well, I say town, but it was little more than a few convenience stores and a post office with peeling paint. The few houses I passed were just as crumbly. Half finished renovations and wrap around porches that looked to be in danger of collapse. Termite eaten posts held up a gazebo roof, like Atlas’ arms folding under the weight of the earth.

The house my parents had moved into was a bit better. It looked homey enough, although the lines of the support beams curved and slanted in strange ways. It looked stable, but almost… impossible. I assumed it was either my imagination or a stylistic choice and didn’t give it another thought. The land surrounding the house was vast and impressive. The only way in and out was a little dirt road leading up to the garage. I noticed the fenced in corn fields and realized that they must have already started planting. In fact, it looked like it was nearly ready to be harvested. I parked in the driveway and went up to knock on the door. It swung inward immediately, and I was met with a massive hug. My mother smelled like cinnamon sugar, just as I remembered her. That evening was fairly uneventful. I told them about what I’d been doing for work, and they told me about the farm and how Sam had left them everything they needed to get started. There was even a chicken coop and a stable in case they ever wanted to get animals. My mother cooked dinner, and before I knew it, it was getting late and my parents were going off to bed. I got settled in the guest bedroom and tried to sleep.

An hour later, and I still couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning. Everything felt sort of… wrong. The moonlight seeping through the curtains gave the place a strange feeling. The room felt different, somehow. Like I was suddenly in a completely different house that was identical to the one I entered last night. I decided I should go take a walk outside. To sort of reset my brain, you know? Maybe I’d be okay if I got some fresh air. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep anytime soon.

Outside, it felt even stranger. I don’t know how, but it didn’t even feel like I was on the same plane of existence anymore. I know for certain I had only stepped off the porch, but when I glanced behind me, the house was now barely visible in the distance. There was no way I had walked that far in an instant. I glanced up at the sky and nearly fell over. It was… bigger somehow. Now, I know the night sky is obviously endless, but it doesn’t usually feel that way. It’s usually more like a thin blanket of black, stretched over the world. The stars are just moth holes and missing threads. It didn’t look like that now. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was like a gaping hole in the fabric had opened over me, and when I looked up, I could see every atom of the infinite universe at once. Like I had put on 3D goggles, and suddenly the pictures on the movie screen popped out and moved around me. The moon suddenly seemed so close in comparison to the stars. Like it was in danger of smashing into the earth.

It was… unsettling to say the least. My head was spinning, and I felt unstable on my feet. The sheer mass of the space around me loomed, like it was threatening to consume me. I had somehow ended up in the middle of the cornfield, the house nowhere to be seen. The world swayed, catching me up in whatever it was. I felt huge and tiny at the same time, the air around me threatening to crush inward, my foot poised, threatening to crush it first.

And then it stopped. Whatever force was manipulating my perceptions was gone. The ground felt sturdy again, and my head was suddenly clearer. It was dead quiet. The moon was still close, illuminating every inch of the surrounding field. I could see infinitely in every direction, and there was nothing but corn. Even the curvature of the earth seemed to have gone; millions of kilometers rolled flat to form this endless plane I had found myself in. When I looked up, I noticed the stars had disappeared as well. The entire universe stretched out before me and there was nothing in it.

The only movement was my own feet as I began to walk. The sound of crunching dirt reverberated through every corner of the cosmos. I must have walked for hours, but nothing changed. It was just corn, corn, dirt, corn, empty black sky, and that awful, bulbous moon. My hands felt… wrong. My entire body felt wrong. I was big enough to hold all of existence in the palm of my hand and still have enough room left over for another universe. But the second I concentrated on any one thing, the feeling slipped away like sand through my fingers, and I felt tiny enough to be crushed by the molecules of air around me. Like I was shrinking forever. Like all of this empty world was expanding around me and I was in the exact center, the edges pressing in on me as it got bigger.

I started running. My feet snapping corn stalks in half, Punching them with my fists as I went. I grabbed a handful of leaves and pulled, ripping several out by the roots and dragging them. Causing as much destruction as I could. If this world was going to go on forever and never change, then by god I was going to change it myself. I ran as far as I could, leaving a path of destruction behind me. I ran until I got so tired that I nearly fell over, but nothing changed. It was still the same corn, the same moon. The whole world was just an endless sheet of repeating wallpaper. I ripped holes in the ground like a crazed gopher until my fingers were raw. Eventually, I sat down among the debris and started crying. I’m not ashamed to admit it; I was hopeless and trapped. There was nothing I could do, because there wasn’t anything at all.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I awoke to sunlight and the distant sound of my parents calling my name. I was still in the field, but not a single one of the corn stalks around me had been knocked down. My limbs were wound around the plants like string, not disturbing any. I knocked down a few trying to get up, but I was still too disoriented to care.

I took the first flight I could back to London. My parents were disappointed and understandably quite worried about me, but there was no way I was going to stay there another day. I’ve become a more cautious person as I’ve gotten older, and I was not going to take any chances with… whatever that was. Still, after a few weeks I had written it off as an especially strange dream. I had taken a walk at night and fallen asleep suddenly. That was it. It’s funny how our brains rationalize these things.

As I found out soon, that really wasn’t it. Because I had that dream again. And again. And again. First, it was only a few times a month. Then once a week. Then I began waking up every night in a cold sweat after running in that endless cornfield for eight hours straight. I was terrified to go to sleep, knowing exactly where I’d end up. Every night I would count and categorize everything I could see. My hat on the chair in the corner of the room; my coat hanging up on the wall. I could see the edges where the rug began and ended. The room was not endless. The room had walls and a ceiling. But as soon as I let my guard drop just a bit, or my vision blur slightly with fatigue, everything stretched and distorted and changed, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it. I would suddenly be standing, running, the world silent and impossibly large. I couldn’t rest, because every hour I spent sleeping was an hour I spent awake somewhere else.

I fell asleep at work nearly every day. And even then, I was not free. That damn cornfield, with its horrific sky and endless wasteland of leering barbed javelins haunted me. I was so tired I thought I would die. I started hallucinating while I was awake. Every time my eyes closed I was there, the looming sky and bloated moon mocking me as I ran. I stopped going in to work. I was too tired even to write an email to my boss. The only energy I ever had was when I was running. My friends must have been worried about me, but I didn’t have the energy to talk to any of them. How could I explain what was happening?

Everything reached a crescendo about a week into this, while I was walking to the corner store. I was holed up in my house, tormented by visions of an infinite hellscape, but I still needed to eat. The ground felt more uneven than usual, most likely due to fatigue, but I felt constantly on the verge of tripping. I concentrated hard on the ground in front of me. It was difficult to keep from falling into the cornfield. Part of me was always there, waiting, constantly running.

 My concentration slipped for only a second, and I went sprawling directly into the stranger walking in front of me. He shouted at me, but I was already asleep before I hit the ground. In that single lapse I had slipped into the hungry other world. I was vaguely aware of the events happening around me, but I was somewhere else, running. I… Something happened then, when the man bent down to wake me.

 I don’t know what I did. I reached out somehow, manipulated the air around me. Manipulated the hungry other world and directed its endless appetite towards this man. I’m not sure. There’s really no possible way to describe what I did. Whatever explanation I can give won’t do the action justice. There’s no excusing it either. I did it because it felt right. I can’t even muster the consciousness to regret it. That man is gone now. Or, not gone, somewhere else. Running. The cornfield was satiated for a while after that. I was rested. I was allowed to sleep.

I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t even know what I am. That man was only the first of many. It’s the only way I can rest. It’s the only way the cornfield will leave me alone, at least for a little while. I always make sure it’s someone I don’t know, not that it matters to the cornfield. They’re all just souls for it to hold as they run about like rats in a never ending maze. They’re all in there together, but they will never meet. There is an infinity between every molecule of dirt in that place. Maybe someday everyone will be in that cornfield. I wonder if it would finally let me have peace then. 

[illfoandillfie]

Wrapped Up With A Bow

Pairing: Present Day Roger Taylor x Reader

Summery: You surprise Roger on his birthday

Warnings: 18+, Daddy Kink, Bondage/Predicament Play, Slapping (Thigh), Nipple play, Overstimulation, Degradation, Gags, Fingering, Unprotected Sex

Words: 2592

A/N: A little something because it’s Roger’s birthday and I am unequivocally horny for him. I’ve literally never written anything as fast as I wrote this lmao, I think I had the whole first draft done in a total of three hours.

Taglist:  @idontbelievethiss @somekindof-cheese @dtfrogertaylor   @ezmina98  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks

You pushed yourself to your knees as you heard the footsteps stop outside the hotel room door. Roger had been surprised when you’d shown up at his Detroit hotel room but, as you’d told him, it was his birthday, a big one at that, and you wanted to celebrate with him. He’d pulled you into a hug at the same time he’d admonished you for spending your money on the plane ticket. “Couldn’t very well ask you to buy it could I Rog, would have ruined the surprise.” He sighed as he released you, pulling back just far enough to cup your cheek, “Spose that’s true. But all the same,” “Would it make you feel better if I let you buy my ticket home?” “Immensely,” he laughed, finally letting you move from the doorway to explore the room. A plush king-sized bed took up most of the space in the bedroom, looking so cozy you wanted to curl up in it right away. There were two doorways, one leading to a small bathroom and the other to a sitting room with a TV and a view of the city.   You stepped up to the window, resting one palm against the glass, and let out a soft, “wow.” Roger moved close behind you, looping his arms around your waist as he pressed a kiss into your shoulder, his beard tickling your skin, “You should see it at night when the city’s all lit up.” “Wish I could come on tour with you, see everything. Stupid uni.” “Wish you could too,” he chuckled, “But I’m glad you could be here today. Now why don’t you get some rest, that was a long flight and you’re probably exhausted. I’ll go talk to Bri and we’ll get another place added to the dinner reservations.” You nodded, letting Roger push you towards the bed as he promised he’d be back soon.

As soon as he was out the door though you were moving, hurriedly digging through your suitcase and stripping off your clothes. You’d been planning this surprise for months. Every time you’d asked Roger what he’d wanted for his birthday he’d responded with cheesy ‘you’re the only present I need’ type lines and reminders that he was the one who was meant to be spoiling you, not the other way around. But you wanted to do something for him, something special. Of course, he thought his only present from you was your presence in Detroit. But the length of red ribbon you pulled from your suitcase and unwound said otherwise. As fast as you could you wrapped the ribbon around yourself, draping it over one shoulder, the other end pulled between your legs, and then changing it’s direction at your back so that it looped over your chest, finished off with a bow right between your breasts. It took a little bit of wiggling and bending your arms at slightly odd angles but eventually you managed to recreate what you’d planned. You checked yourself in the bathroom mirror, making sure the ribbon was in place properly before climbing onto the bed, arranging yourself on top of the covers.

You waited. And waited, sitting on the edge of the bed and nervously jangling your knee. Until eventually you heard a noise out in front of the door – Roger searching his pockets for the keycard, followed by the small beep of it being accepted. You scrambled back into position as Roger entered the room, softly shutting the door behind him in the mistaken belief that you’d be asleep by now. “Fuck, Y/N,” he half yelled as he turned around, “what are you doing?” “Happy birthday Daddy,” Roger held up one finger, turning back to the door and opening it once again so he could hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob. And then his entire attention was back on you, only a few strides bringing him to your side. “Well don’t you make a pretty little gift,” he said softly as he reached out to run a finger over the ribbon that lay across your shoulder. “I try,” “Is that ribbon all you’re wearing Kitten?” His finger trailed lower until he reached the bow, plucking at it and making you shiver. “Yes Daddy. You said I was the only present you needed so, here I am.” “Definitely the only present worth getting,” He leaned down to kiss you lightly, “going to enjoy tearing into you.” You giggled as he kissed you again, pressing you down against the pillows. “Now let’s see where this goes,” he began kissing along the length of the ribbon that ran down your stomach and disappeared between your legs, his beard rubbing against your bare skin on either side of the red trail. “I’m glad you like it Daddy. Wanted to do something special since it’s a bit of a milestone year.” “You’re so good to me Kitten,” he said, raising his head from just above your bellybutton, “but 70 doesn’t feel that much different.” “As long as you can still get it up and I don’t have to find a new daddy to fuck me,” your laugh turned into a yelp as he sunk he teeth into your side. “Careful, might have to find myself a new kitten. One who isn’t such a brat.” “Sorry Daddy, I was just teasing.” “Gonna have to prove you wrong though, aren’t I? Can’t have you insinuating I’m not capable of taking care of my Kitten.” He trailed his hand lower, finding your clit and rubbing it softly through the ribbon. You whined, lifting your hips in an attempt to get more pressure. He pulled his hand away. “Are you going to be good and do what I say?” “Yes Daddy,” “That’s what I like to hear.” He wrapped his hand around the ribbon where it lay against your stomach, pulling it up so it became taught against your clit. “Want to see you cum all over this pretty red ribbon, like a pretty little slut.” You lifted your hand, bringing it towards your clit to pick up where Roger had left you, but you were stopped by his tight grip on your wrist. “Didn’t say you could touch yourself.” You whimpered as you lifted your hips into the air, dragging your clit against the ribbon.   “That’s right Kitten, just like that.” The backs of his fingers brushed against you as he held the ribbon tight, watching as you tried to build enough friction to find your release.  

It took longer than Roger would have liked, his impatience growing with every jerk of your hips that left you begging for him to touch you, to make you cum. Whenever you whined that you couldn’t do it or he caught you slowing down, he’d slap your thigh until you learnt to stop begging. Finally, legs shaking, you fell over the edge. You squeezed your thighs together, rolling onto your side as you gasped at the tingly warmth washing over you but the moment didn’t last long before Roger was pulling you roughly onto your back again. He placed a hand on each of your shoulder, holding you down as he grasped one end of the bow between his teeth and tugged. It came loose, the ribbon falling away from your chest, exposing your nipples to the cool air and Roger’s mouth. Your breathing sped up, little whines rising in your throat as he ran his tongue around one nipple, sliding his hand down from your shoulder to pinch at the other. You arched your back as he bit down on your nipple, drawing a stuttered cry from you. “Look at you, writhing around like a desperate whore. Pushing your tits at me. You think someone else could do this? Make you feel like this?” “N-no Daddy, no one else could,” your voice shook with a half sob as he moved to graze his teeth over your other nipple. He did the same thing, palming one breast with his hand, pinching and pulling at the nipple as he teased the other with his tongue.   You pressed your thighs together, chasing any sort of relief you could get. “Uh uh uh, open those legs and show me your cunt. Don’t try to hide how wet you are.” You obeyed, trying not to whine as you lost the little friction you’d been building. Roger impatiently pushed your thighs wider, lightly picking up the ribbon in the same place he’d been holding it earlier and pulling it into the air. You felt the end drag over your shoulder, getting caught under your back as Roger moved it into your line of sight, a dark patch clearly visible. “Soaked the ribbon.” He paused for a moment, considering you in a way that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and your body tingle with need. When he spoke again his voice was half growl, “On your knees.” You nodded, pushing yourself up, hands clasped behind your back the way he liked. Roger got to his feet, giving you a glimpse of the tent in the front of his pants, and you had to bite down on your lip to stop from begging for it. He moved behind you, gently lifting the ribbon over your head like it was one of the pretty necklaces he’d fastened round your neck, except that he placed it against your lips, whispering into your ear to be a good slut. The wettest part of the ribbon sat between your teeth as he pulled it tight and tied it off at the back of your head, forcing you to taste yourself as the long ends of the ribbon tickled your back. Roger checked the knot was secure before he grabbed the loose ends and wrapped them round your wrists, tying them off with another knot. You tested the restraints and found that if you shifted your arms too far, your head would be tugged back. Similarly, if you dropped your head forward, your arms would be pulled up and stretched uncomfortably. Roger grinned at his handywork as he came back round to your front.  

“Was tempted to hogtie you but I ran out of ribbon.” You jerked slightly at the thought, a gasp getting caught in your gag as your arms were pulled up with the motion. Roger didn’t give you any time to relax as you brought your head back up, his fingers falling to your clit straight away. He chuckled as you moaned, already desperate for release – hopefully stronger than the last. You had to stop yourself from tipping your head forward again or jerking your arms too much as his fingers dipped down towards your entrance, pushing into you easily. He was rough as he fingered you, his other hand reapplying the pressure to your clit until your orgasm hit you, making you moan and then cry out as you lost control and felt your arms being pulled up. “Good girl, how ‘bout another one?” he said without stopping. You squirmed under his hands as he forced you into another orgasm, your sensitivity rising as he continued, rubbing your clit in hard tight circles as his fingers found your gspot. “D-a-a-dd-y,” your breathy cry was muffled, drops of saliva dribbling down your chin as you shook with another impending climax. He ignored you, working you harder until you were cumming again, coating his hands as you squirted out your release. “Very good kitten,” he said softly as he slowed his fingers. You winced as he pulled them from you, feeling overly sensitive. He gave you a moment to calm your breathing, rubbing your thigh soothingly, though the soft touch still made you twitch slightly.   “Think you're ready to be fucked now,” he said once you’d collected yourself. Your heart was racing as he pushed you down on your front, letting your turn your head to the side as he pulled your hips up. With your arms tied behind your back you had no hope of getting away, though it didn’t stop you from squirming as you listened to him remove his pants. You became still again when you felt his hand come to rest on your hip, thumb rubbing back and forth over the same spot. “Know you’re sensitive but I don’t wanna hear any complaining Kitten.” You nodded as best you could with your face pressed against the mattress, Roger lining himself up with your entrance. “Glad to see you’ve learnt some fucking manners,” he said as he rammed into you, pushing the air from your lungs. He fucked you bruisingly hard, using your cunt as you desperately tried to keep a lid on your whimpers. You clenched around him as his fingers found your clit again. “Fuck kitten. Knew you liked it rough. Naughty little slut, gonna cum again.” It wasn’t a question. You moaned as his fingers rubbed relentlessly at you, another orgasm building under the pain.   "Can tell your close kitten, but you’re gonna wait for my word okay?” You nodded, tears stinging your eyes, body on fire with the need to cum and the desire to hold it off as his fingers worked over your clit. You moaned again trying to convey how close you were. “Keep holding it. I’m the only one who gets to fuck you, right Kitten?” “Yes Daddy,” your voice was higher than usual as you tried to fight off your orgasm. “Tell me who else can make you cum like this,” “‘s just you Daddy, just you, please,” “Alright kitten cum now,” he said and you did, with a loud moan, feeling his cock twitch as you clenched around him, filling you with his own release.

The tears that had been threatening to fall rolled down your face into the sheets as you shut your eyes, breathing a shaky sob into the air as he slipped from your overworked cunt. Roger was gentle as he loosened the knots binding you, rubbing your wrists and stroking your cheek. As soon as you were free you rolled onto your side proper, Roger curling up beside you. He reached out to wipe away a tear that still clung to your nose. “You okay?” “Yeah, just need a minute,” “Take all the time you want, Kitten,” You scooted closer, burying your face into Roger’s chest and breathing deep. Roger rubbed your back, talking softly to you, though you weren’t really listening, until you felt calm again. “Hey, Rog,” you said quietly, cutting him off halfway through a sentence. “Yeah?” “You know I’m not going to leave you, right? I wasn’t serious before.” “Of course I know that Kitten. Couldn’t replace you either.” You rolled back so you could see him properly, “You mean it?” “I mean it. I love you, Kitten.” “Good, I love you too Daddy,” you smiled at him, lingering worry fading away as he bumped his nose against yours. You fell into an easy silence, almost dozing off, until Roger sighed. “Spose we should get ready for dinner.”   “Yeah, wouldn’t want to keep the others waiting too long,” “Kinda just wanna stay here though. I already got the best gift, don’t need anything else.” “What if I said your present has some other functions you could try out after dinner. After she’s recovered a bit,” “Like what?” “That’s for you to find out when you play with her. But I think you’ll find that if you hogtie her like you said you wanted to she’ll happily take whatever you give her.”

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

ACCA 2 | Nanbaka 16 | SGRS 16 | Marginal #4 2 | Classicaloid 15 | Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 2 - 3 | D Gray Man Hallow 1 | ReLIFE 2 - 6

The idea for D Gray Man Hallow from now on: Once all 2016 shows are done (rewatches or not), expect the 2016 ranking.

(ACCA 2)

What in Dante’s Inferno? I’m properly listening to the OP as it was intended in the anime…and it doesn’t quite look like what I expected.

I don’t like tomatoes, so no bread for me.

This is a cute…albeit unconventional way to introduce the series’ core concepts. Also, acorn berets.

Kabocha = pumpkin, while murasaki = purple. That’s made from purple lettuce, so I don’t blame ‘em for calling it that.

Mushroomhead = Rail.

I thought ACCA paid really high if he got cigarettes for free.

Oh no, is Nino going to go against Jean?

Bihinshitsu = equipment room.

2m 22 cm is over 6 foot…wow.

Walnut-topped cake filled with nuts.

The systems managers seem really incompetent…I suspect something’s up.

The guys all deilberately seem to have the same face.

A-hah. As I thought. (Dang you, title spoiler.)

If this ED were to evolve, it would be even better than Yuri on Ice’s OP. (That’s saying something.) Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be happening…

Doesn’t seem like there’ll be any title spoilers next time either.

(Nanbaka 16)

I’m less likely to skip Rin! Rin! Hi! Hi! than some of the other Ops when I’m watching. That does make it slightly unwieldy as a rewatching show, though.

“Wow, he’s trash.” – Dat me.

Samon has a brother?

In a world full of filial piety, the worst one can do is to insult someone else’s family.

I’m not very good with “kept secret” stories, which is why I’m trying to do “Next to Me” well enough…at least to my standards, anyway. My standards are very high, you know.

They must’ve done something to the snacks…

(Showa Genroku: Sukeroku Futatabi-hen 3)

The fireworks are so lifelike in this ep!

Daiku Shirabe…I found out about the story from an ANN article, so I should’ve seen its appearance coming…“Tamaya” is something you yell during fireworks displays. Apparently it was the name of a fireworks company somewhere along the line.

The flattening refers to how Yota had to bow for forgiveness, but I think I kinda explained that already.

“Shinuchissei”…Yota seems to slur the end of his sentences.

I actually went “WHAT?!” at Yota not being fazed by the big daddy boss.

Note for later: The baby (I heard his name was Shinnosuke) was born November 23rd.

The jazz soundtrack really sells this show.

...so this is the rant from Daiku Shirabe. It’s fast (compared to even the usual), but it has lots of heart. Plus the showcasing of the tattoo really did its significance justice.

I think the bridge is called Matsubashi (Pine Bridge).

Yota could’ve fabricated the shaking of his hands.…wow. Yota has such yaoi hands. Just what you’d expect from a former BL artist.

I thought Yakumo was more of a cat person. Whose dog is Hanako?

Aw. I felt sorry for Matsuda, even if I have a suspicion he feigned those tears. Well, regardless, now I know Matsuda has grandkids anyway…so win win.

I knew he was either summoning the master Sukeroku II pissed off or Sukeroku himself.

“Tou-chan” was an unexpected nickname I didn’t think Konatsu would use.

Update: I thought about it, and even Shinnosuke’s name takes after the legacy. Remember? Sukeroku used to be called Shin! 

(Marginal #4 2)

One of the things that makes this show stand out is the space-styled episode titles.

Ooh. Pretty cherry blossoms.

Pan shots. Of course.

I know this isn’t the sort of show that gets too much coverage, and I even think it looks a bit ugly at times (not to mention a bit weird) but when you’re not caught up on most of the other big idol shows, this is the best you can do.

I think game boy (orange twin…er, aka R)’s trying too hard with his terms.

Now that Atom is talking about heart, it really does look like he’s a Toshiki Masuda character through and through, although he doesn’t look very angry when he sounds angry. I’ll chalk that up to the art department.

“Don’t think, feel” seems to be attributed to lots of places, so I don’t know the original source. However, since game boy (um, aka R) cites a movie star, it’s apparently Bruce Lee (if my Google-fu serves me right).

L makes stuff sound deeeeep.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Rui wasn’t surprised by the juice.

Atom is such a Ryuu sometimes...

…okay, enough with the underwear jokes…The twin jokes are a bit weird. Plus the ships can be smelt from a mile away…but that’s not enough to save a show.

“Ore-sama”? I only just realised Atom uses such a term.

Enough about the lucky underwear! *flips table*

Oh, I saw Ayanokouji in the background at one point.

I’m with Rui most times, including the need for deduction.

I’m still questioning the sanity of someone who wrote an entire episode plot about lucky underwear.

Alright, since I feel brain dead after that, I’m going to drop it, meaning ACCA is the show that forges ahead. Well, I’m lucky I was hoping to watch FLCL to fill in the gap once I’m done with my 3 remaining rewatches at this point in time (ReLIFE, D Gray Man, Morose Mononokean). The latter two will have, from ep 7, fresh impressions, so hopefully you can look forward to them.  

(Classicaloid 15)

Selfies: a worldwide phenomenon…I never got into that stuff, but if I were to analyse ‘em, I’d say they tap into the human need to be self centred.

There’s something sad about seeing someone rejected, eve if that someone is a piece of trash like Sousuke…

The game the Classicaloids are playing appears to be a game of Life.

Unfortunately, Kanae’s right…again. Sad life for you, Sousuke.

Motz literally became a flippin’ Akoya, right down to wearing a dress. Plus, the Amazon brigade came back.

Aw, I really felt for the glasses guy, even if briefly.

“Basics of Programming”? Don’t need that for Garage Band, Sousuke.

Hanted house and cosplay café...

…eh? Tchaiko still calls herself a former member of Cla:Kla?

Oh. I never realised until now, but Hamamatsu + festival (matsuri) = Hamamatsuri.

With that song (Sousuke’s song), it’s a sad blooper reel.

(Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga ep 2)

I got a wallpaper of Shima trying not to laugh (it was from the official Blue Exorcist anime page, but only for a period around Shima’s b’day). So this ep is where it comes from.

“Bon” means “young master” anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

“…a herbal tea antidote…”

Kyoto is meant to be the imperial capital…at least around the 1700s, it was the imperial capital.

Mamushi means “pit viper”. She’s not one to mess with.

He’s got some reflexes, that Ryuji.

Uwabami is also a type of snake…I forgot which one though.

Wait, Uwabami’s the man?! Uwabami was a woman in Oumagadoki Zoo…

Seriously, are they all getting drunk on juice…? Oh, okay. So that’s what happened.

(ep 3)

Rin’s shirt says “Sankyu” in goroawase and English, LOL.

Even if you love weeds, please don’t smoke ‘em, kids.

I thought Rin was going to pull a Shaft head tilt out of nowhere when he looked back at Konekomaru.

Update: For efficiency, the tag for this one is “Chesarka watches AoEx”. However, I don’t normally refer to it as such. I’d probably refer to it as “Ao Eku” if I wee speaking (due to the season 1 DVD extras), but “Blue Exorcist” is the shortest mode of the name I’d use in typing format.

(D Gray Man Hallow ep 1)

I am familiar with this source material, so do be aware of that. However, I didn’t finish the anime the first time around, so do be aware of that too.

Sometimes the art style for this anime can be a little off. The noses can be a little too pointy and too close to the eyes, so on and so forth.Allen doesn’t even look like he’s blushing with this art style too…that’s a bit of a disappointment.

Even the golems have it in for each other…LOL.

Johnny has apparently been stealing the spotlight for quite some time, but I haven’t noticed it all that much. Probably because I read volumes 21 – 24 in one go…

I think.Cross Marian looks more like Grelle (Black Butler) than ever in colour.

Why does Lenalee have such a short skirt?

When even the masked guy has a sweatdrop, you know there’s trouble.

(ReLIFE ep 2)

Unfortunately for Kariu, I understand there is no “next time”…

I’ve found out even at 18, people don’t judge two people of different gender sitting together eating lunch…of course, cultural standards notwithstanding.

Stud earrings are fine if you play sports, I think.

According to Google-sensei, it’s only about $11, my country’s money. It’s not that much if you work…but knowing Japanese standards (which say you should focus on getting into uni before getting a job), it does seem a bit much for someone who doesn’t work and doesn’t get any allowance. So in a weird way, it does make sense to me.

...but you took Kariu’s hand when she offered you the rubber, Arata?

Hey, that joke was in Erased too.

Kazu-kun = Karamatsu…kinda. LOL.

I always seemed to understand Hishiron, and yet also understand Arata to some extent too. Maybe I’m the perfect in-between for these two. Probably because I tend to break off friendships as soon as the year ends, and yet prior friendships are a core part to my social strategy.

Unfortuately, the downside to “minimalistic” is that it’s obvious when it goes off model.

LINE sticker…LOL. LINE’s very popular in Japan.

(ep 3)

I’ve wondered whether Yayoi Sou is a lady or not. Considering the circumstances, it probably is that Sensei is a female.

Hideyo is the dude on the 1000 note, obviously.

Ah…fitness tests. The bane of youth. No one says “stupid loud” though.

Oh. Tamarai’s there around the time of Asaji’s throw.

Lookit that rabbit on Usa-sensei’s shirt. No one says “crazy athletic” either…you outdated subbers.

Akira (Inukai) is kinda like Yurio, come to think of it, eh?

Didn’t you just say it yourself (about you being old) though, Arata?

Yoake literally had a blank face there, LOL.

There appears to be a Sato GP on the way to Aoba. Huh.

Ah…a show’s a real classic if it makes you laugh every time…

(ep 4)

Where’s the guy who does sad interpretations of OPs and EDs? (This guy.)

I know your feels, Kariu. (see the Tumblr debacle for an instance of this)

There appears to be something about whales near the fishtank.

The cityscapes in this are so nice.

There’s a map of Japan on one wall of Kaizaki’s place.

Go forth, young Kariu! Pick up your fallen balls! (teehee)

CGI balls, LOL.

It’s creepy (but also dramatic) when the lights of the eyes are the last to move.

(ep 5)

Sumire! Her name means “violet” (the flower).

There are some nuances lost in translation, like yappari and the levels of formality…but those are typically lost.

This “lecture” is probably the highest point you can get in the show (so far). It’s times like this you can really see an author’s strengths in storytelling.

The piano really sells the Hishiro/Kaizaki meeting.

What a strange angle that “lean to the left” shot is.

I’ve found out swear words have a lot of leeway when it comes to levels of “oh no”. These swar words include yabai and temee. Due to the context of Wan! and the fact it was Chuuya who kept using them, I went with the nastier variants [in my scanlating days] but sometimes a non-swearing variant is enough. However, kirai (to dislike) is pretty nasty if you use it in Japanese.

Kaizaki’s delivery of these lines really sells their comedic effect. The electronic keyboard makes it sound like night, but also makes it sound 1) like night and 2) creepy, for some reason.

Freeter is almost as bad as NEET, Kaizaki.

There appears to be a 100 man (10 thousand) coin bank behind Yoake, which makes that...1000000 yen. (chorus in back: One million yen?!)

(ep 6)

Apparently someone tried to type the same Japanese words into Google and didn’t get the same results, LOL.

Hishiron uses a Mac, LOL.

“Thanks for having us” probably isn’t the right words for it. Ojamashimasu means “sorry for intruding”, but it sounds heavily formal when translated, so I can see why the subbers did what they did though.

*laughs* MDs (minidiscs)? I know what they are, even though they’re meant to be completely dead by now. Apparently they’re a product of the 90s that never caught on..although I admit I’ve never used an MD in my life, let alone held one. It does kinda look like a floppy disc, though. (chorus in back: You poke through old stuff too much, don’t you?)

Those fadeout cups are so cool! I want one.

Ah, maths. The sad thing about my life is that up until a certain point I was good at maths. Then the hard stuff came up and I started to fail.

I thought it was Third Street Oga was talking about, but it’s 3rd chome, sort of like a suburb.

Knowing An, she may have deliberately put Oga out of the way for her own purposes…if you know what I mean.

CGI car just ruined the suspenseful mood, dangit.

Sometimes I just turn off my volume and turn on some music on Spotify. That way, you can make your own soundtrack.

Why did Arata have such a dumb face in the thought bubble?

Wow, she’s a real fujoshi, that one [An].

“Dude”? I cringe so much at her use of it, despite the fact I use it myself. 

You liar, Onoya. Knowing who subject 1 was means that I know they couldn’t have even thought about that part…

[tunamiya]

ooooOoo okay okay yeon-senpai I have a few questions bc google won't answer me :/

What is it like to study Chemistry in university? Do you find it really hard or interesting? I just want to know your general opinions on it jskskks

What career options does it give? And bc I'm curious would you mind sharing what your personal career path is going to be like 👉👈

You don't have to answer everything if you don't want to! I'm just trying to find my footing becsuse I'm graduating soon and suddenly everything is coming so fast 😣 I know I want to go into science but there are so many fields. I'm hoping to go into Chemistry, forensics to be specific, but Psychology sounds promising and interesting as well.

hello cadyyy, I'm sorry for taking some time to get back to your ask, I wanna take some time to really think about how am I going to answer you and giving you the reference you need! all of these answer will be based on my personal experience and feelings! the full ramble is under the cut <3 

the university I'm studying is universiti teknologi petronas (utp), the course I'm taking is applied chemistry (I'd call it as AC in short) my university focuses more on science and engineering, especially the chemical engineering (CE) course they offered (because that is the most popular course and I can say quite 吃香 compared to the other univeristy. before I dive in, I would like to make a statement on the difference between CE and AC (or chemistry in general), because I've heard a lot of seniors and friends complained on taking the wrong course when they want to study chemistry. while both courses share the term 'chemistry', however, they are very different in their own nature. CE involve a lot of calculations in plant design, process modelling and simulations, basically they leans towards process improvement and industry plant design. while AC mainly studies on theory stuff like reaction mechanisms, properties of chemical compounds and the matter’s behaviour (down to atomic level) . at the same time we also study on some calculations such as analytical chemistry and physical chemistry.

what is it like to study chemistry in university? labs. chemistry is about labs and experiments, if you're someone who love hands-on, chemistry is def one of the right options on your list. you've to be prepared one lab sesh may takes up to 4 hours and above (also depends on your uni structure, but it's more or less the same!) and there are different types of labs you may need to attend according to different subjects you take on each semester, for example computational chemistry this is a course about using computer simulation to solve some problems, and you'll learn how to use certain software during the labs, so labs is not necessarily about pouring colourful chemicals from one Erlenmeyer flask to another.

hard/ interesting? also, I think the most challenging part to study chemistry is organic chemistry. this is a course about the nomenclature, structure, properties and mostly reaction mechanisms of hydrocarbon compounds, you have to remember the exact and detailed steps on how the electron move from the nucleophile to electrophile and etc. or someone people might find inorganic chemistry and quantum chemistry are tough as they involve the study on smaller scale which is atomic scale. and I'd say some theories are quite absurd HAHA! after all, theories are just human assumptions that make some sense and they could be overwritten anytime by the others. however I wouldn't say it's hard overall considering you're someone who prefers chemistry out of 3 sciences, because all it needs is understanding and some memorization! the highlights of my course, same goes to chemistry or pure chemistry (both means the same thing) will be studying on the molecular spectroscopy and analytical instrumentation, in short we learn about the methods and instrumentation used in identifying unknown compounds given. besides, we study on some CE subjects, so I think that is what accounted for the 'applied' in applied chemistry. basically, applied chemistry and pure chemistry share quite the similar syllabus. all in all, these are based on my personal experience in my uni, it may be different from the other uni.

universities also, my uni focus more on STEM, with that being said, the chemistry offered doesn't involve any biology at all! if you're interested in forensics ( I assume that you're interested in biology or something towards health science), please do not come to my uni! if you wish to continue your UG study in local, I'll suggest you to include UKM in your university options (if gov uni is in your consideration)! for each govn uni, there are foundation (also known as asasi in bahasa Malaysia) offered too just like the private uni, but certain foundations are only open for the bumiputera (e.g UM) , so be careful when filing up your options on UPU. if you really get the offer to enrol to UKM through the foundation, you actually save 1 year time and also have the privilege to get your 1st option. anyhow quota is still apply on those competitive and professional courses such as dentistry and medicine! 

okay so going back to your first option that is forensic, I had a look up on the forensics programme structure and they have their very own structure and subjects (even though there are still some general chemistry subjects included) so I might not be able to provide some insights regarding forensics. and for psychology, do mind that there are social science psychology and clinical psychology which is very different from each other! 

my career path  I'd say the field that I can step in after graduation is wide, but I'll choose sustainability chemistry as my final year specialisation. that is about waste management and renewable energy. however, I wish to continue PG study after finishing my study next year, and I'd still choose to continue in exploring the sustainable chemistry or environmental chemistry before entering the work field. and the career options available including chemist, lecturer/ academics, lab technician, scientist, consultant or salesperson depending on what you really wish to do! 

I'm sorry that it turns out to be a very long paragraph, if you have any other questions that you wish to know regarding on things I mentioned above, feel free to drop a message to me! I hope all the best in your study and good luck in your future adventure! I'm rooting for you cady!