#at which I get feelings of “If it isn't available anyway why not share it?”

[waterlinkedgirl]

Good evening Water! I've been meaning to ask this for a while, I was wondering if you'd care to explain what exactly is toumyu hanakoyomi? I've seen some info about it but since it's apparently fanclub exclusive there isn't much about it online.

Good evening dear anon! :D

Toumyu Honmaru Hanakoyomi is a monthly audio drama (15 ish minutes each) that releases on the toumyu premium fanclub. They each feature 4-6 swords, and are each themed around a flower, which ranges from Ookanehira picking a fight with quinces in winter to Urashima settling on irises when looking for a flower to decorate the tea table for the tea ceremony he's organising for his bros.

There will be 12 Hanakoyomi episodes total, and it's likely they'll have a CD release after they've all been released. However, for now, you can only listen to this month's Hanakoyomi episode on the fanclub website, which means some patience is likely to be needed if you want to listen to the last 6. But on the plus side, membership only costs 330 yen a month and when asked for an address, you can just put a hotel or the likes! (it's what I did lol) Imo, they're totally worth the subscription, even if you can't benefit from the other perks the fanclub subscription might give you, like access to ticket lotteries.

I'm also considering putting tls for them on my tumblr here, but it also feels like a bit of a gray zone, as while for myus you need both audio and visuals to enjoy it, for audio dramas you only really lose out on the sounds. I'm afraid people would be satisfied with just the tl and not seek out the actual CD when it becomes available ^^;

[sim-berry]

I'm Tired.

I totally get why many simblrs don't want to name and shame and want to avoid drama, but I'm not one of those simblrs. If I see some bs I'm going to call it out. I only have a few followers (who are lovely and sweet) anyway, so it's not like I'll get a crusade against me. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do, because I'm pissed right now.

I know I don't have a big blog so it's unlikely many will see this, but if you do, please reblog it. Spread the word about creators who have stolen content so that people can stop downloading their cc and supporting them.

One of my favorite creators, Toys of Dukeness, has just deleted all their poses from Patreon and stated that they are leaving the Sims community. Their poses have been STOLEN by other "creators" who have locked them behind paywalls. Keep in mind Toys gives their poses out FOR FREE and they've been STOLEN and put behind paywalls! They're making money off of shit that isn't even theirs! How disgusting is that?? And now they don't even feel welcome in the community that they've given so much to.

And it's funny because I just saw a post from the amazing @simmireen (who makes many of my favorite poses) calling out THE SAME CREATOR for stealing their poses!! Simmireen's poses are stunning and she is kind enough to give them out for free, and she's had her hard work ripped off by an early access paywaller. The same one who drove Toys out of this community: simsulani.

This is a screenshot taken from Toys of Dukeness's post (read the whole thing here) that specifically calls out two of the thieves:

If this keeps happening, more of our wonderful cc creators are going to leave simblr. And I don't blame them one bit. Why put hours, sometimes days, of work into creating content when it's just going to be stolen and profited off of by someone else?

And when those creators do eventually leave, do you know what we'll be left with? Scummy perma-paywallers and early access creators who use minority groups to make money. (As a member of the LGBT I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of seeing "Pride Month Collection- Available to the public on June 30th🥰")

We can't let that happen. We need to support and show love to the creators who allow us to have beautiful cc and amazing poses in our games. I can tell you right now my stories would be nothing without simmireen's and Toys' poses. And they aren't the only creators who have had their cc stolen. We're on here about AI stealing art all the time (which is a totally valid argument, don't get me wrong), meanwhile actual humans, fellow simmers, are stealing content right under our noses, right this moment.

I am TIRED of this. Our content creators are being driven off this site and out of the community entirely because their work is being stolen. Storytellers, including myself, have also had their storylines stolen. I once saw someone take my entire NSB Gen 2 storyline, with even the quotes being copied and pasted! If you don't have creativity, then don't make content, that's okay. What's not okay is STEALING from people who have worked hard on their craft, ESPECIALLY if you're making money off of the stuff you stole.

Again, please reblog if you can. And feel free to share some REPUTABLE creators so simmers know who to download from rather than the thieves. They're the ones who need to be driven out, not the hardworking creators. And anyone who is afraid to vent about this on main can come into my anon and rant all they want. We as a community need to stop this.

-Coco xoxo

[k-aay]

WHAT... MY GIRL?

synopsis :: when their friend confesses to liking a certain someone that they are very familiar with. but they cannot do anything since they're supposed to keep the relationship a secret. and it's someone they'll never let go no matter how close they are. so what do they do in that situation? featuring :: gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna (part 1/2)

☆ GOJO

As he walks over to his friend through the crowded party, he notices him staring intently somewhere. Being the nosy little brat he is, he decides to search where his eyes meet. So he traces it through his eyes, finding the "entertaining" sight his best friend has his eyes on. To his surprise, he didn't like where this was going. He was admiring you as you talked with other people, of course Gojo couldn't blame him for staring at you like that. But, he had to be sure before he did anything stupid.

"What's so interesting?" he questions, tracing his fingers over the rim of the red, plastic cup. His sudden question snaps his friend out from dazing off in you. "Oh- uh." He sighs, taking a moment to think before speaking. "I shouldn't be telling you this," Geto begins. Gojo's heart started beating faster, feeling nothing but nervousness was over him. "You know y/n, right?" Then, he feels his heart shatter. You walk towards the table with all the drinks where they were, causing the two of them to go more silent. "...Yeah?" he answers. "I think I like h-"

"Stop." You hear the sudden seriousness in your boyfriend's tone, causing you to wonder what the two of them were talking about. "What?" Geto was confused at the quick mood-switch in his best friend. "I shouldn't be telling you this but y/n and I are together." You flinch at the confession he made loudly to his best friend. He knew what he was doing and knew that he was going to get an earful from you later on.

But when it came to the idea of someone-even his best friend-being with you, he couldn't help it. "She's off-limits."

☆ GETO

For him, it was normal for his best friend to be with a different girl each week. Geto knew that he would never take any of them seriously and would end their relationship once he felt bored. Which was very often. So when he saw him attempting (key word: attempting) to flirt with his new target, he thought that it was nothing out of the ordinary. Until he noticed the beautiful and memorable figure he could never forget, the one of his own girlfriend.

It killed him that he couldn't just punch Gojo in the face for even thinking about you in that way. It wasn't just the fact that you were already taken by him, but the fact that even if you weren't, Gojo would get bored of you after a week and toss you to the curb like all the other women he played. And to Geto, you weren't just some random source for his best friend to get entertained by. You were his girlfriend. He walks up to the two of you, not even planning on the move he's going to make once he reaches you.

"Hey, what are we talking about here?" he interrupts Gojo from telling the same story he told all the other girls he's flirted with. You could see the irritation in his eyes and how his fists were clenched, physically restraining himself from making a scene. As Gojo continued blabbering, Geto wrapped his arm around your waist. "That's great, man. But you're going to have to find someone else, y/n over here isn't available right now."

"Why are you acting like this so suddenly, Suguru?" he smirks, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Because this is my girlfriend that you're flirting with right now. Fuck off."

☆ NANAMI

Nanami isn't one for getting into unreasonable trouble unless, in his opinion, the situation absolutely calls for it. He's not one to stoop so low to be jealous. He had no reason to. That was until his friend walked up to him, looking all giddy. He rolled his eyes, knowing it was going to be something stupid. But he let him share his thoughts anyways. "What?" Nanami questioned. "Hmm? Nothing," Ino spoke. "Okay," the man spoke flatly, not having the energy to pursue this further.

"Fine, I'll tell you." The shade of pink painted Ino's cheeks as he was smiling uncontrollably. It felt like he was a middle-schooler confessing to his crush. "You know that one girl," he begins. "You're going to have to be more specific. There are many women on this planet." Ino rolls his eyes, "y/n. She's so pretty!" This is when the situation called for "unreasonable trouble." He didn't know what to say, many thoughts rushed to his brain as he thought of the best response.

"I heard she had a boyfriend," he says. The sparkle in Ino's eyes flashed away. "Really!?" he yells. "Who? How do you know? Who told you?" Nanami knew he dug the hole deeper when the mountain of questions were spat at him. "Umm. I'm not sure who her boyfriend is and I heard it from one of her friends." Ino took a moment to think before he shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe her friend is lying to you. I'll just ask y/n myself."

"No!" Nanami yells suddenly. Even he was taken aback from his sudden reaction. "Damn, are you okay?" Ino flinches. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm not sure it's a good idea to ask her though." He fixes the positioning of his glasses. "Why not?" Nanami's cheeks started turning a suspicious shade of pink. "She's... in a relationship. With me. So don't ask her out."

[yinses]

amaretto mirage

pairing: [modern]gn! reader x hantengu clones (sekido, karaku, aizetsu, urogi) wc: 10k+ rating: mature (for this part) a/n: the PLAN is two, maybe three parts. then possibly some accompanying drabbles if i haven't burned myself out

[also available to read on ao3] synopsis: you, a simple student, finds yourself caught in a sensual game between a quadruplet of brothers, leading you down a path of self-discovery and forbidden desires.

"oh, aizetsu, wait for me please," you call out as you hurry to catch up to your friend. the sun beats down relentlessly, casting harsh shadows across the pavement, and the air is thick with the scent of exhaust and the sound of honking cars. you can feel beads of sweat trickling down your back, and the weight of your backpack seems to increase with every step.

as you draw closer to aizetsu, you take a moment to study him. his tall, lean frame is relaxed and unhurried, and his sky-blue eyes twinkle with a serene kind of patience that you find both calming and exhilarating. you can't help but wonder how he manages to maintain such an air of composure in the midst of the chaos that surrounds you.

with a sigh, you turn your attention back to your own worries. the never-welcomed midterm finals loom ahead, and you feel a familiar sense of panic rising within you. despite being in your fourth and final year, you still feel woefully unprepared. your scattered notes are a testament to your haphazard studying habits, and you know you'll pay for it later with a headache.

as you walk alongside aizetsu, you reflect on the years of hard work and dedication that have brought you to this point. you've managed to maintain decent enough grades, but deep down, you know that the credit isn't fully yours. in recent months, you owed a large portion to the man beside you.

you first met aizetsu during your sophomore year, but looking back on your freshman year, you couldn't recall his face as easily. his presence had been shrouded by what you knew of his brother, urogi, the school's star basketball player.

it wasn't until someone mentioned the relation between the two that aizetsu finally showed up on your radar. but that's really where the likeness ended. it was true that physically they shared the same complexion and hair, but their eyes and personalities couldn't be more different.

you remember marveling at the biological mystery of how one brother could have eyes that mimicked the sun while the other had a pair that mirrored the ocean. it made mountains more sense than the floating superstitions of demonic energy that your classmates liked to loft around. and apparently, aizetsu had two other brothers who also had differing eye colors. they were all quadruplets.

so yeah, given that anomaly, you were okay with blaming biology. but what you knew of urogi was that he was boisterous and confident, a fitting temperament to balance out his presence on the court. aizetsu, on the other hand, was best described as the opposite, which would be quite fitting if they were only twins. he was not rude per se, but decidedly introverted, keeping to himself and maintaining a low tone. most noticeably, where urogi was always boasting a bright smile, aizetsu was more solemn.

"sorry, you said you didn't have anything planned after this, right? i won't hold you up, but i wanted to get you something for your help," you say, breaking the comfortable silence.

aizetsu's face remained inscrutable, his blue eyes calculating as he spoke. "we share similar classes. it is an equal exchange."

your heart fluttered in your chest at the sound of his voice. he was always so patient with you, despite the vast gap in your intellect. aizetsu was undoubtedly a genius, while you had to work tirelessly to keep up with the coursework. you knew he could manage on his own, but he chose to help you anyway.

gratitude and admiration swelled within you, only further cementing your desire to show him your appreciation. you weren't sure why he chose to befriend you, but you treasured his company nonetheless.

"it's nothing big," you said, attempting to downplay your intentions. your meager budget didn't afford much extravagance. "we can go to the cafe on campus. we don't have to sit down or anything. just grab something on the way."

your heart raced as you offered, hoping that he wouldn't see through your poorly veiled attempt to treat him. you couldn't help but feel nervous at the prospect of him rejecting your gesture or worse yet, interpreting it as something more than just gratitude.

aizetsu's gaze bore into you, and you held your breath in anticipation.

"alright, if you insist," he finally acquiesced.

relief washed over you as you smiled gratefully, thanking him for accepting your offer. you couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your chest at the thought of spending more time with him. but you pushed those feelings aside, not wanting to ruin the delicate balance of your friendship

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

as aizetsu made the decision to sit down and order rather than grab and go, you felt a wave of nervous energy course through your body. you tried to remain composed, reminding yourself that this wasn't a date but merely a gesture of gratitude. you were pleasantly surprised that he had even agreed to come in the first place.

despite having known each other for months, you still struggled to describe your relationship with aizetsu. you were more than acquaintances, but not quite friends. your interactions were confined to the classroom and the library, but the countless hours spent studying together had brought you closer than you thought possible.

as you sat across from aizetsu, you couldn't help but fidget in your seat. the atmosphere was charged with a sense of anticipation, as if this small outing held more significance than either of you let on. you desperately hoped that this would be a step towards building a stronger friendship, one that could survive beyond graduation.

the cafe was cozy, with warm yellow lighting casting a soft glow over the wooden tables and chairs. the faint aroma of fresh coffee and baked goods wafted through the air, mingling with the chatter of other patrons. you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort in this space, as if it were a sanctuary away from the stresses of academia.

as aizetsu ordered his drink, his eyes flicked over to you briefly before returning to the menu. you felt a flutter in your chest at the brief moment of eye contact, wondering if he was feeling the same sense of anticipation as you were.

as aizetsu's attention snaps back to you, you catch a glimpse of a camera flash and the click of a shutter from the corner of your eye. you shake your head, dismissing it as a trick of the light or your imagination. you turn your focus back to the conversation, discussing your tentative plans for the final semester and how you hope to broaden your knowledge in your major. aizetsu listens attentively, nodding and interjecting his own insights with ease.

suddenly, the serene ambiance of the cafe is shattered as a new figure emerges. when you look up, you find another version of aizetsu standing over the table. without even meeting him, you know this must be urogi, aizetsu's brother. his boisterous presence immediately fills the room, causing heads to turn and eyes to follow him. his eyes lock onto you, roving over you with unabashed interest before he snorts and pulls out a chair, sitting down uninvited.

aizetsu's brow furrows,"now is not the time, urogi. go away."

urogi simply crosses his arms, grinning as he refuses to budge. "nah, this is too good," he retorts, his eyes sparkling with mischief. the air around you suddenly becomes charged with a mix of curiosity and tension.

suddenly there is another click and flash, but this time much closer as urogi snaps a photo of your face. as the flash of the camera dies down, you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. you wonder if urogi's laughter is directed towards you, or if he's simply amused by his own antics. you force a smile, trying to play it cool, but it's clear that he's rattled you.

he sees your expression and laughs, “don’t worry, i’m not doing anything weird with it. just sending it to my brothers. it's not often little aizetsu goes out on a date.”

aizetsu's reply is sharp,"urogi that's rude. you can't just do what you want like that." the other brother only shrugs and by the time he sets down his phone the damage is done.

the atmosphere of the cafe suddenly feels oppressive, as if the walls are closing in on you. you're acutely aware of the other customers, their eyes darting towards your table before quickly averting their gaze. the low hum of conversation seems to have evaporated, leaving only the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears.

despite your discomfort, you can't help but also feel sorry for aizetsu. you never expect and act of gratitude would draw this much attention.

“it’s not a date, i just wanted to thank him for his help this semester."

urogi seems disinterested in your explanation as he taps against his phone. “yeah, aizetsu isn’t going to let just anyone sit him down for a meal.” he says it so absently but with a tone of finality that furrows your brow. 

you don't want aizetsu to get the wrong idea, or for anyone else to think that you're trying to pursue something more than friendship. but urogi seems uninterested in your explanation, preoccupied with his phone.

the firmnesss in his tone when he speaks of aizetsu only makes you more curious about the reserved genius. as the tension thickens between the brothers, you feel like an outsider looking in.

the atmosphere in the cafe shifts, the ambient noise fading into the background as the two siblings stare each other down. aizetsu's eyes are narrowed with determination, and you can sense that he's not going to back down. his brother, on the other hand, looks almost amused as he crosses his arms over his chest, tapping his foot impatiently.

you can feel the weight of the moment pressing down on you, unsure of how to proceed. you glance between the two of them, searching for a way to ease the tension. aizetsu's voice breaks the silence, clear and firm. "they're not a crush, urogi. they're a friend. this was meant to be a treat for our study efforts, and you're ruining it."

urogi's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, his grin faltering slightly. "oh? just a friend?" he says, sounding almost disappointed. "well, that's a shame. i was hoping for some juicy gossip to share with the team."

you can feel a blush creeping up your cheeks at the implication, and you wonder how aizetsu is taking all of this. he seems unperturbed, however, his expression remaining resolute. "you're not getting anything, urogi. ."

there's a moment of tense silence before urogi finally relents, settling back into his chair with a sigh. "fine, fine. i'll behave. but you owe me one, little brother."

the tension in the air begins to dissipate, and you let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. the cafe noise returns to the foreground, and you take a sip of your drink to calm your nerves. you can't help but wonder how many other hidden tensions are lurking beneath the surface of aizetsu's life.

as the silence drags on, you begin to feel restless. you shift in your seat, trying to find a way to diffuse the tension. your eyes dart back and forth between the two brothers, unsure of what to say. finally, you clear your throat, hoping to break the stalemate.

"aizetsu doesn't get the chance to talk about his family often. i distract him too much with my countless questions on material," you say, hoping to shift the conversation to a more positive note. 

your laugh however, cuts off uneasily as those golden eyes settle on you. a tug of something you cant describe pulls at his lips,”a distraction, i’m sure.” he studies you a moment longer, before reaching for the discarded menu. “well, let’s hear all about the person who has kept our brother occupied.”

aizetsu's focused gaze doesn't leave his brother, but you can sense the odd taste at the mention of his family. despite spending countless hours studying with him, you know little about his personal life. you wonder what secrets he keeps hidden behind those deep, contemplative eyes.

your attempt at lightening the mood with a joke falls flat, and you can feel the weight of the awkward silence settle over the table. your gaze falls to the table, the scratched surface now a blur beneath your fingertips as you twist them together nervously.

aizetsu's sudden attention startles you, and you raise your head to meet his gaze. the way his lips tug at the corners sends an unfamiliar jolt of something through you, but you can't put a name to it. his intense stare feels like a physical touch, sending shivers down your spine.

as he picks up his cup, you realize you've been staring too long. quickly, you avert your gaze, taking refuge in your own drink as if it can provide a shield from his penetrating gaze. aizetsu's calm tone breaks the silence, drawing your attention back to the conversation.

“given you don’t take your studies seriously, i’m not left with many options, urogi.”

urogi hums,”true. but that’s never stopped you before.”

your mind races to come up with a suitable response, but you find yourself at a loss for words. you clear your throat, hoping to regain some composure. "well, there's not much to tell. we're just friends, after all." the words sound weak even to your own ears, but they're the only ones that come to mind.

urogi snorts, leaning back in his chair. "just friends, huh? you're blushing like a bride, you know." his words are teasing, but you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. 

the intended outing for two has evolved into something you're not entirely sure how to describe. eventually, your waiter returns to take urogi’s order, not hiding their surprise well. but urogi is more attentive to you as he quizzes you on your hometown, studies, and interests.

"so, where are you from originally?" urogi asks, leaning forward in his seat.

"i'm from a small town south of here," you reply, feeling a little uneasy under his intense gaze.

"a small town, huh? what made you want to come to this big city for school?"

"i wanted to experience something new and different," you say with a shrug.

"i can respect that," urogi says with a nod. "what's your major?"

you share without pause. 

"sounds cool. what kind of career are you hoping to have with that degree?" urogi asks, leaning back in his seat.

"i'm not really sure yet. i'm still exploring my options," you say with a smile.

meanwhile, aizetsu watches the two of you with a furrowed brow, clearly not thrilled with his brother's line of questioning. finally, he speaks up.

"urogi, can you stop talking so much for once? we came here to relax," he says pointedly.

urogi rolls his eyes but acquiesces. "fine, fine. but i have to ask. how about basketball? you're a big fan of the games right?"

aizetsu signs, but you can feel the mood finally settling to a comfortable point that you can lean into. 

and so the conversation shifts to a more neutral topic, and you're able to relax a bit and enjoy your coffee that has run lukewarm now. but in the back of your mind, you can't help but wonder what urogi's true intentions are and why he's so interested in you.

as the bizzare occassion winds down, you can't help but feel a sense of surreality as the situation has evolved into something you never imagined. you would have never expected approaching the kid in the back of the lecture room would lead to this.  

“i should get going, my shift starts soon.”

urogi whistles,” a worker and a student. busy, busy.”

as you reach for the check, your hand is halted by urogi's quick reflexes. he snatches it away with a playful grin, teasing his brother, "aizetsu, making our them pay? that's not very hospitable of you."

aizetsu simply shrugs, his expression unreadable. "i didn't want to insist and make them feel uncomfortable. they wanted to treat me, after all."

urogi's playful demeanor dissipates, and he studies his brother for a moment before suddenly slamming his own card on the table. "consider it my treat, then. you can owe me one, aizetsu."

the gesture catches you off guard, and you feel a flush rise to your cheeks. you're not used to this kind of generosity, and it makes you feel both grateful and uneasy at the same time. 

as the waiter takes the bill and disappears, you let out a small sigh of relief. the cafe, though delicious, has been a rollercoaster of emotions. urogi, the more talkative of the two, had bombarded you with questions, leaving you feeling dizzy and unsteady. aizetsu, on the other hand, had remained quiet for the most part, his blue eyes observing your every move.

as urogi scribbles a generous tip onto the bill and rises to his feet, you can't help but feel a little relieved that the intense scrutiny is over. he chats easily as he turns to his brother, his voice ringing with a certain cheerfulness that makes you wonder what kind of relationship they have.

"it was nice to meet you. i'm sure we'll be seeing each other again." urogi waves his phone in the air, the light catching the screen and casting a blue glow across his face. "sekido wants to see us. i staved him off for long enough, but we both don't want him calling."

his gaze flickers briefly to his brother, before settling back onto you. "sekido is technically the 'oldest'. a bit rougher than the rest, but," he pauses, his lips tugging up into a small smile. "i'm sure you'll get along just fine."

urogi throws an arm over aizetsu's shoulder, guiding him away as they make their exit. you watch them go, feeling more confused than when you first walked into the restaurant. what kind of family were they, to be so open and yet so guarded? you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, as you gather your belongings and head out.

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

as the day waned, you hurriedly packed your bag and left campus feeling the piercing gaze of the curious onlookers behind you. the sky outside was a blend of oranges and pinks, the sun bidding a warm farewell to the day. you knew you had only a short window of time to change and make it to your night shift at the corner convenience store in your neighborhood.

at night, the store was a hub of activity, bustling with customers seeking to grab a quick snack or last-minute essentials. it was a simple job, but one that kept you afloat, paying your bills and rent. the store was always expecting customers, but not always with the most pleasant of crowds. the sound of shattering glass echoed through the aisles, causing you to wince from the front.

“oi, you’ll be paying for that, dumbass. i told you to watch where you’re going,” growled a gruff voice.

“i ain’t paying for shit,” retorted another voice, filled with equal parts anger and defiance.

you listened nervously as the argument escalated, hoping it would end before you became an issue beyond simple damages. as the two men continued to bicker, you couldn't help but wonder how your life became this - a constant struggle to make ends meet, dealing with difficult people and their petty squabbles. the thought made you feel a little weary, but you squared your shoulders and braced yourself.

the job itself wasn't glamorous, but it was a means to an end. you were grateful for the reliable income that helped manage your rent and groceries. the store owner even threw in a decent discount on some of the items, which came in handy during tight months. and being situated so close to home, you didn't have to worry about losing precious time commuting.

eventually, the two men made their way to the front, both jostling to get to the counter first. you waited patiently as they bickered and pointed fingers, each refusing to take responsibility for the shattered case of beer.

“oi, this bastard shattered a case of beer.”

“that wasn't me it was you.”

“as if.”

“well i ain't paying for it,” came the final reply with a sharp glaze your way.

you knew it was only a matter of time before the blame would fall on you, but you had grown accustomed to these petty disputes. with a smile, you offered to take care of it, hoping to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible.

the men, still grumbling but appeased for the moment, took their leave and headed for the door. you breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that they didn't try to engage with you further. you retreated to the backroom to gather the necessary cleaning supplies, mentally preparing yourself for the next unexpected hurdle.

it was an inconvenience, but at least this one made sense.

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

the air is thick with the buzz of students rushing to and from their final exams. your own mind is a jumble of information, formulas, and theories that you've tried to cram into your brain in just a few short days. the relief of completing one of the exams is quickly replaced with a sense of exhaustion and the anticipation of the next one. you're stumbling down the hallway when you suddenly collide with someone.

hands steady you, preventing you from falling to the ground, and a familiar voice rings out with laughter.

it's urogi.

you can't help but feel a little surprised to run into him again, especially during such a hectic week. the finals schedule has thrown off your usual routine, making it difficult to anticipate who you might see on campus.

despite the chaos of the week, urogi rather collected. his eyes sparkle mischievously as he greets you, as if he knows something you don't. it's clear that he's not here by coincidence. you wonder if he's been keeping tabs on your schedule, or if he's simply a master of appearing when you least expect it.

you open your mouth to apologize for the collision, but urogi beats you to it. "well, well, well. look who it is! i thought i recognized your backside from a mile away," he jokes, playfully teasing you. 

you take a moment to look around and notice that the hallway is filled with students bustling to and fro. the fluorescent lights overhead cast an unnatural glow on everything. the air is heavy with the scent of stale coffee and sweat, a testament to the long hours spent cramming for exams.

in the midst of the chaos, urogi stands out like a beacon of calm. his hair is windswept and his clothing is slightly disheveled, but it only adds to his charm. his eyes dance as he talks, and you find yourself drawn into his infectious energy.

"finished with your exams?" he asks, his curiosity palpable. your last exam of today was one of the later ones, but fortunately, you've managed to escape the night classes this year. you don't know if you could survive that again. still unsure why urogi is talking to you, you respond politely. "yes, one more tomorrow, and i'm done."

urogi nods along. "right, right." as bodies move around you both, you can't help but notice the stares and whispers floating around. this is not the kind of additional stress you needed. you're already exhausted from studying and taking exams, and now you have to deal with gossip and speculation?

"well, i should get going. good luck with the rest of the week." urogi's gaze widens at your abruptness, and he reaches out to stop you. "hold on, i actually came to ask you something."

you can feel your heart rate increasing as you turn to face him. what could he possibly want?

“the thing is,” urogi begins, his voice low and conspiratorial. “i'm hosting an end of semester party tomorrow night. it'll be a chance for everyone to unwind and forget about their worries. you should come.”

you immediately go to decline, you barely know urogi but you know of the crowd he attracts. that definitely would not be your scene trapped in a house with all of them. “thanks for the offer but—”

urogi cuts you off, “it’d be really great if you came. aizetsu needs the break too and he’s more inclined to come if you do. “

he seems to sense your hesitation and reaches out to squeeze your shoulder. it's a show of camaraderie that surprises you. you didn't realize the two of you shared that kind of relationship.

“you still owe aizetsu a treat, right? you can use this as one,” he says with a wink.

you frown at his words, feeling as though you're being manipulated. you cant help but frown at that, “that feels more like a treat from you. which would make it twice youve done that.”

urogi shrugs as he pulls away,” really? i dont see it that way.” he waves of his shoulder as he departs, not giving you room to argue.

“catch up with aizetsu and coordinate. see you tomorrow,” he calls over his shoulder.

as you watch him disappear into the crowd, you're left wondering how quickly this semester has changed.

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

the final exam had come to a close and the air in the classroom was charged with a palpable sense of relief and accomplishment. as the instructor wrapped up the semester with final words of praise and congratulations, you couldn't help but feel your spirits lift with each passing moment.

you were finally done.

as the rest of the class began to shuffle out of the door, your eyes drifted to aizetsu. despite trying not to think much of it, urogi's offer returned ahain. now, without the excuse of exams, it was harder to bat away.

making up your mind, you rushed to catch up with aizetsu as he made his way out of the classroom.

"aizetsu, hey!" you call out, your heart racing as you catch up to him. he turns at the sound of your voice, and you feel a jolt of something electric as his cool blue eyes meet yours. 

"did you feel confident about that? you should, after all the effort i put into quizzing you," aizetsu says, his voice low and smooth. you shake your head, trying to refocus your scattered thoughts.

"yeah, actually. thank you. i used your revision guide last night too." you reply, feeling grateful for his help during the exam preparation.

aizetsu nods. "good, you've earned the break." you notice something lighter in his posture today, something more friendly. "do you have work tonight?" he asks.

his question reminds you that you have something else to ask him. "no, actually, i wanted to see if you were planning to go to urogi's party."you say, your voice laced with a touch of hesitation. aizetsu raises an eyebrow, his expression quizzical.

"urogi's party?" he repeats. 

it feels odd to ask, given that they're brothers. but you feel as though you were right in assuming that aizetsu had no interest. as if to mirror your thoughts, he frowns. "no, i never really go. i didn't think it would be something you enjoyed either."

well, it seems you both have a pretty good scope of each other. a gesture that fills you with unexpected warmth. it gives you the courage to push further. "normally no, but i thought it could be fun?" you offer with a shrug. "and i still owe you a treat. let me buy you a drink?"

aizetsu is quiet as he considers you. it's almost as if he sees through you and can imagine the echoed conversation from between his brother and you yesterday. the scrutiny makes you nervous. but just as you go to take back your offer, he sighs with a shrug. "if that's what you want."

"yeah, i think it will be fun," you grin, more t ease with his acceptance.

"alright."

it appears that he wants to say something else but leaves it at that. you watch him go, feeling both relieved and anxious at the same time.

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

as the evening draws closer, you can feel your anticipation building up. the last day of exams has left you feeling exhilarated, and you can't wait to let loose a little at urogi's party. but before you head out, you decide to put a little extra effort into your attire. you rummage through your closet, picking out an outfit that is both stylish and comfortable.

as you slip into your clothes, you can't help but wonder why you're putting in so much effort. after all, it's just a party, and you'll be surrounded by a bunch of drunken college students. but a part of you knows that you're doing it for yourself, to feel good and confident. and maybe, just maybe, you're hoping that aizetsu will notice too.

the memory of your conversation with aizetsu earlier in the day lingers in your mind. you can't shake off the feeling that something has changed between you two. the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you - it all felt different somehow.

as you step off the bus, the bustling city surrounds you like a cloak. you take a deep breath, feeling the energy of the crowd electrify your senses. the sound of car horns and chatter mix together in a chaotic symphony, and the neon lights of the city create a vivid display of color.

but as you walk towards the address, you begin to realize that something is off. this is not the typical college housing area where you expected urogi's party to be held. instead, the street is lined with bars and clubs, their neon signs lighting up the night sky.

as you approach the establishment linked to the address, you notice a line of your classmates snaking along the sidewalk. it seems that urogi has chosen a more unconventional venue for his mid-semester bash. you can hear the muffled thump of the bass from inside the bar, and the scent of alcohol and sweat wafts towards you on the breeze.

for a moment, you hesitate. this is not your usual scene, and you feel out of place. 

as you approach the entrance, you notice a burly man, who must be the bouncer, engaged in a heated discussion with a student and another man who looks vaguely familiar.

the man’s furrowed brow gives him a perpetually annoyed expression, but you can't help but notice the resemblance between him and aizetsu and urogi. it's almost too obvious for you to believe that he's anything other than the third brother.

that leaves one left.

"there should have been a limit on the patrons," the man grumbles as he stares down at the line of students with a look of distain. "my brother knows the capacity and we're well past it."

"but i was invited," the girl protests, but neither even acknowledges her.

"they're welcome to wait until someone leaves, but i won't have regulators at my door over some college students," he says, turning to leave.

you scan the long line of people waiting outside the venue and a sense of disappointment settles over you. it looks like a never-ending queue, and you can't help but think that no one will be leaving the party anytime soon. the ingress and egress would surely be a nightmare for those at the back of the line, which includes you.

despite feeling a bit disheartened, you had made an effort to dress up for the occasion. you don't know why, but you had a feeling that tonight was special. maybe it was because aizetsu was coming, and you wanted to look your best for him. you hope that he will notice your extra effort, but you're not entirely sure if he will.

you pull out your phone to let him know about the situation. 

the least you could do was inform him that you tried. you uncover your phone and send a text

hey, the place is too packed for more entry. i’m going to head home. sorry for convincing you to come :(

his reply comes quicker than you expect.

are you still here?

a few blocks down? about to catch the bus soon.

the text is sent, and you wait for a reply. as you stand at the bus stop, you see the headlights of the approaching transport. but just then, a voice startles you.

“hey, why are you going home? did you not want to come?”

it's aizetsu, and you're surprised to see him standing there. he's dressed more casually than you, in a light shirt and jeans. you quickly explain the situation with the bouncer and the overcrowding.

“but you wanted to come?” he asks, and you can't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your chest.

“i mean, i guess. i got dolled up for it,” you reply, turning a bit to show off your outfit.

aizetsu gives you a quick once-over, and you feel a rush of warmth at the attention.

“then don't let it go to waste. let's go."

you're hesitant at first, but his encouragement pushes you forward. you feel a bit anxious about the overcrowding, but you're also thrilled to be going to the party with aizetsu.

aizetsu's determination to get into the club was unyielding and he led you back under the bright lights illuminating the entrance. despite the short amount of time that had passed, the line had remained steadfast, with the same resolute girl still standing at the front. aizetsu, however, was not deterred as he pulled you to the front of the line. the bouncer regarded you both with a cool stare.

“capacity limit,” he stated firmly.

“they were invited by both myself and urogi. kick someone else out if you want, kyogai, it won't make me sad,” aizetsu replied confidently.

kyogai seemed to consider the proposition for a moment, but ultimately gave in as aizetsu pulled you through the entrance. the waiting students erupted in protest, but their complaints were muffled as the sound of the music inside grew louder.

stepping into the club, you were struck by its beauty. the colors, lights, and sounds all melded together to create an atmosphere unlike any you had experienced before. the room was alive with energy and excitement, and you couldn't help but feel swept up in the moment.

the decor was impeccable, with plush velvet seating and shimmering crystal chandeliers hanging overhead. the bar was lined with a vast array of drinks, and the bartenders were busy mixing and shaking cocktails. the dance floor was a sea of bodies, pulsing with the beat of the music.

“this is beautiful,” you breathed, marveling at the sight before you.

“karaku designed it. he would appreciate the compliment,” aizetsu said and you realized that must be last of his brothers.

indirectly, that meant you were now aware of four of them. your mind raced with questions, but for now, you were content to lose yourself in the magic of the night.

as aizetsu leads you to the bar, you take in the lively atmosphere around you. the music pulsates through your body, vibrating every fiber of your being, and the colorful lights cast playful shadows on the walls. the decor is sleek and modern, with a futuristic vibe that seems to transport you to another dimension. it's a far cry from the usual places you frequent, but you find yourself enjoying the change of pace.

as you lean against the bar, taking in the scene, you feel a sudden tug on your shoulder. urogi stands before you, a wide smile on his face. his presence is commanding, and you can't help but feel drawn to him. his eyes roam over you, and you sense that he's impressed by your appearance.

"where have you been?" he says, his voice tinged with amusement. "fashionably late, i see." urogi dressed for the occasion, comfortable in a nice button up and slacks.

you smile in response, feeling a sense of comfort in his presence. "i wanted to make an entrance," you say playfully. "and i'm glad i did. this place is amazing."

urogi remains close and you can feel the warmth of his body against yours. he turns to the bar and raps his knuckles against the counter, “oi, karaku. you just going to just stand behind the bar oe do work?”

you watch as a handsome man with emerald eyes approaches them, his lips pulled in a tight frown.

it's clear that this man is urogi's brother, and you can see the family resemblance in their sharp features and confident demeanor.

his lips pull in a taut frown as he regards urogi, “i’m meant to manage the staff. since you decided to invite the entire campus.”

karaku's gaze shifts to you and you feel a flutter in your chest. he's just as attractive as his brothers and his eyes seem to penetrate your soul. you can't help but feel a little intimidated by him, but also curious.

“hey, its good business, right?”

“you don't know the first thing about running a business.”

“at least i go to school to learn.”

“And someone how come out dumber.”

“oi—”

as the brothers continue to bicker, you can't help but feel a sense of fascination with this family. they're unlike anyone you've ever met.

as karaku's piercing gaze meets yours again, your heart quickens, and you feel a flush spread across your face. "you're aizetsu's friend," he states matter-of-factly, his voice low and smooth.

you blink, momentarily stunned, before realizing that you've lost sight of aizetsu in the exchange. you glance over your shoulder and see him still leaning against the bar, a picture of nonchalance.

"yeah, that's right," you reply, extending a hand in greeting. to your surprise, karaku accepts the gesture.

"well, what will it be then?" he asks, his tone businesslike.

"oh, i thought you were just managing," you say, trying to keep up with the conversation.

"i am," he replies, his eyes flitting to the busy staff behind the bar. "but since my staff is busy because of him, now i have to step in. your choice?"

you quickly order a simple drink, but karaku frowns at your request. "do you take recommendations?" he asks.

"um, sure," you say, feeling a bit out of your depth.

karaku turns and reaches for a bottle, his hands moving with fluid grace. you watch in awe as he expertly mixes the ingredients, turning a plain liquor into a colorful and vibrant concoction that perfectly matches the atmosphere of the club.

he sets the drink in front of you, and you take a hesitant sip. the taste explodes on your tongue, and you can hardly believe how delicious it is. you take another sip, relishing the complex flavors that dance across your taste buds.

"this is great, thank you," you say, smiling up at karaku.

the corners of his mouth lift in a small grin. "glad you like it."

you fumble for your wallet, but karaku turns away before you can offer to pay. "sorry, i have to go manage my brother's itinerary," he says, his voice fading as he disappears into the crowd.

you feel a hand on your shoulder, and you turn to see urogi at the retreating figure. "hey, you're welcome for the tips, asshole," he says, nudging you playfully.

you laugh, feeling lightheaded from the drink and the atmosphere of the club. it certainly wasn't your typical scene, but you were glad you came.

he gestures to your hand, and you realize that you're still holding your wallet. "you can put that away," he says, "we got you covered. you're a guest."

you feel a twinge of guilt at the thought of being treated, but you realize that it's too late to back out now. aizetsu seems to sense your hesitation, and he steps in to reassure you. "you can get the next one," he says with a smile. "you still owe me a treat, right?"

you nod, feeling grateful for the generosity. it's not often that you get to experience something like this, and you want to make the most of it. you take a deep breath and let the atmosphere of the club wash over you. you can feel your body relaxing, your mind clearing. this is exactly what you needed.

"great," you say, a smile spreading across your face. "now let's really get partying."

in response, urogi grins and you feel yourself being tugged away.

⚘. ⚘. ⚘.

urogi's hands on your waist felt both warm and secure, guiding you along with the rhythm of the music. the dance floor was alive with movement, bodies swaying and pulsing to the beat. you caught glimpses of colorful lights flashing overhead, illuminating the club in a vibrant glow.

aizetsu was still nearby, but his serene demeanor made it clear he wasn't there to party in the same as the others. when you had tried to get him to join, he waved you off, telling you to have fun. you wondered what was weighing on his mind, but decided to let it be for the night. this was a chance to let loose and have some fun, after all.

urogi's voice broke through your thoughts, drawing your attention back to him. "you know, aizetsu's not one to hang out with anyone. he must think highly of you."

you felt a flutter in your chest at the thought. aizetsu was someone you admired greatly, and to know he valued your company was a special feeling.

urogi continued to lead you in the dance, his movements smooth and practiced. "and karaku doesn't just give out recommendations to anyone either. he's a bit of a stickler for quality."

you laughed at the thought of karaku being a hard-to-please critic. it was clear he took pride in his craft, and his passion showed in the drinks he served.

“that just leaves sekido.” urogi’s grip tights as he pulls you to his front. “but I think your luck will carry you through.”

as the night wore on, you felt yourself letting go of any worries or stresses. the music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and the company was good. you were grateful for this moment of pure enjoyment, surrounded by friends old and new.

as you dance with urogi, you become lost in the rhythm of the music and the swirling colors of the lights. your movements flow effortlessly with his as he pulls you closer, his hands finding the curve of your waist.

you glance over at aizetsu, but he seems lost in his own world, his expression solemn and unreadable as he relaxes by the bar. when he catches your gaze, he raises a drink with an equally raised brow. 

as you try to slip away from urogi's grasp, you find yourself lost in the surreal atmosphere of the party. the thumping bass of the music seems to pulse through your veins as the neon lights cast a hypnotic spell over the crowd. the scent of sweat and perfume mingles in the air, creating a heady aroma that makes you feel intoxicated.

urogi's hold on your wrist is loose, but his chin rests heavily on your shoulder. you feel his warm breath on your neck, and it sends shivers down your spine. you glance over at aizetsu, who seems to be lost in thought as he sips his drink at the bar. you can't help but feel guilty for abandoning him, especially since he came here with you.

you pull against urogi's grip once more, and he reluctantly lets you go.

“you think it matters but it doesn’t. we’re different but we all appreciate the same thing. try not to think so hard about it.”

his words are cryptic, and you can't help but wonder what he meant by 'we'. who was he referring to? the other party-goers? you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, but they remain jumbled and confused.

“urogi what—”

“urogi! finally, i’ve been stuck outside this whole time. why didn’t you come get me?”

just then, a whiny voice interrupts your musings. it's the girl from outside, and she seems to have managed to sneak in somehow. urogi greets her with a forced smile, but his grip on your wrist tightens once again. you can feel the tension in his body, and it makes you uneasy.

the girl's eyes flicker over to your joined hands, and you can see the jealousy simmering in her gaze. 

“who is this? didn't they come in with aizetsu?”

you're not sure how much more of this you can take, and you make another attempt to leave. but urogi pulls you even closer, his grip almost suffocating.

"sorry, we need a break," he says, and you can hear the irritation in his voice. you can feel your patience wearing thin as you try to extract yourself from his embrace, but he refuses to let go.

while you definitely agree with the statement, you weren't expecting to be pulled in the opposite direction of the bar. you can feel the tension in his muscles as he leads you towards a quieter corner of the club. the swaying throngs of people blur as you're led towards the next level of the club.

as you pass a red rope barrier, you realize it's a reserved section. the area is dimly lit, but you can make out a few plush couches and armchairs arranged around small tables. the air here smells different too, more luxurious and fragrant. not once does anyone move to stop you both. it's clear now that the club is not only managed by karaku, but also held some sort of ownership. 

you can't help but feel a sense of relief at the brief reprieve from the intensity of the party. you take a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling the cool air against your flushed skin.

urogi's gaze meets yours and you can see a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. "i'm sorry about that," he says, his voice softening. "i wanted you to enjoy yourself, not feel overwhelmed."

you feel a pang of guilt at his words, realizing that you are indeed a stranger to all of this. but there's something about urogi's easy charm that puts you at ease.

“c’mon, i promised you a break.”

as urogi guides you into the room, the pulsing music fades away and the sounds of hushed voices and clinking glasses fill your ears. the dim lighting casts a warm glow on the faces of the people lounging around the room. your eyes immediately find aizetsu, who is leaning back against the couch, his drink held loosely in his hand. he must have slipped through the crowd at some point during the brief confrontation. 

“so they managed to get in.”

the voice is deep and smooth.this must be the final one, sekido. his presence commanded attention even from afar. as you approach him, you finally realize the last detail about him that you couldn't place before: his eyes are a piercing shade of vermillion, drawing you in with their intensity. he seems to have grown broader since you last saw him, his arms comfortably stretched over the back of the couch.

“hey, you saw them and didn't let them through? you ass.”

you glance up at urogi, who lets out a sigh as he leads you to the couch and positions you between himself and sekido. you can't help but wish that you were seated between him and aizetsu instead, but you push the thought aside. other than the initial comment, no one made you feel unwelcome.

"they weren't invited by me. apparently, you can thank aizetsu for doing it for you," sekido continues, a smirk playing on his lips.

urogi rolls his eyes and pulls you closer to him, his arm draped around your shoulders. "i can't believe you saw them all dolled up like this and didn't intervene on your own. i wouldn't have been able to resist."

sekido lets out a snort and reaches for his own short glass, taking a sip. "i hardly saw them. and i'm not you."

urogi's arm around you is both comforting and possessive, as if he's claiming you as his own. you're acutely aware of his body heat, the subtle movements of his muscles as he shifts to get more comfortable.

aizetsu, on the other hand, exudes an air of calm, his posture relaxed as he sips his drink. his eyes meet yours briefly and you detect a hint of amusement in his gaze.

sekido, with his broad shoulders and easy confidence, seems like the type of person functions as the foundation of the group. he lounges back against the couch with the careless grace of a panther, his eyes gleaming with a mischievous light. you can't help but feel a little intimidated by him, even though you know he means no harm.

you can feel the tension between the three of them, but you're too stimulated to fully comprehend it. you look around the room, searching for a distraction. "where is karaku?" you finally ask, trying to change the subject.

the man in question enters the room with a flourish, as if summoned, balancing bottles and glasses with practiced ease. you marvel at his skill, wondering how he manages to keep everything from spilling. the scent of rice wine fills the air as he sets the glasses down.

he apologizes for the plainness of the glass, but you don't mind at all. you're just grateful for the hospitality. urogi grumbles about karaku never wanting to meet his friends and you get the sense that there's a deeper tension between the two brothers.

you take a sip of the rice wine, savoring the complex flavors as they dance across your tongue. it's smooth and slightly sweet, with a subtle aftertaste that lingers in your mouth. 

“so what about you caught our brother’s interest?”

sekido's sharp gaze bores into you, and you feel yourself squirming uncomfortably under his scrutiny. his eyes seemed to be searching for something, but you couldn't decipher what.

you realize that befriending aizetsu had been quite an accomplishment. but you already partially knew that. the man was not one to socialize much, and you had to muster all your courage to approach him. you had always been anxious about approaching people, even those related to your studies, but something about aizetsu drew you to him.

as you recall the memories of your initial interactions with him, you can't help but smile. aizetsu wasn't the most talkative person, but over the months, he had opened up to you in ways you never expected. you liked being around him because it made him look less alone, but it was more than that. it was a two-way agreement, and he welcomed your presence, going as far as to save your seat when you became a regular.

"i just wanted to be his friend," you finally say, and that was the truth of it.

karaku's voice interrupts the silence that follows. "how cute."

you take another sip of your sake, trying to fill the void created by the unsaid words that were lingering in the air. the brothers around you slide into their own conversations, and you take a moment to observe your surroundings.

the room is dimly lit, casting an warm glow on the faces around you. the air is thick with the scent of sake and the gentle hum of conversation surrounds you like a warm embrace. you feel oddly secure, despite being surrounded by people you barely know.

around you, the air hums with the sound of the brothers' voices, blending together in a cacophony of chatter. it's both exhilarating and terrifying to be in the midst of such men, all of whom exude an aura of authority that's impossible to ignore. you glance down at the floor, where a pattern of intricate symbols is etched into the wooden planks. it's a reminder that you're sitting in their territory, and that fact isn't lost on you.

you're brought back to the present when you notice that your cup has been refilled, courtesy of karaku. the gesture is both generous and intimidating, as if he's reminding you of your place at the table. you take a sip of the drink, letting the liquid wash over your tongue and down your throat.

as you drink, urogi's arm slips back around your shoulders. his touch is surprisingly cool against the warmth of your skin, and you can't help but lean into it, relishing the sensation. you're not sure if it's the alcohol or the company, but you're starting to feel a little lightheaded.

urogi breaks the silence with a teasing question. "so, i want to hear more juicy details of why you like aizetsu. surely, i'm cuter."

you laugh, the sound bubbling up from deep within you. "aren't you all quadruplets? you all look the same."

urogi pouts, his lips twisting into a playful grimace. "oh, so you agree i'm attractive. but that also implies you don't see a difference between us. surely you can appreciate the polarity."

you squint, taking a closer look at urogi. out of all the brothers, he has the most boyish looks. "hmm, let me think," you say, pretending to deliberate. "i guess you do have a more youthful appearance, like aizetsu."

urogi grins mischievously. "oh, still too vague. let me give you something to compare." and with that, he leans forward and kisses you.

the sensation is both shocking and exhilarating. you're not sure what to do at first, but then you start to respond, letting yourself be swept up in the moment. urogi's lips are soft against yours, and his tongue teases yours playfully before he pulls away, leaving you breathless and flushed.

“so?”

for a moment, the air is heavy with the weight of what just happened. your dazed from the action, words thick on your tongue before you can finally manage,” i’ve … never kissed aizetsu.”

urogi’s gaze goes comically wide,” what? but you guys had such a nice date set up before.”

as urogi's words sink in, your mind races to catch up. you had never considered the possibility that your friendship with aizetsu could be interpreted as something open. the memory of your planned outing together suddenly feels like it's been cast in a new light, and you wonder if maybe you had been sending mixed signals all along.

“it wasn't a date… we were…” where were your words? 

but before you can even begin to sort through your thoughts, urogi's warm breath tickles your ear, and his words pull you back to the present. "were?" he asks, his voice teasing.

your heart flutters in your chest, and you feel a blush rising to your cheeks.

no, not were to imply something had changed.

because nothing had changed. you are—

you open your mouth to speak, but before you can find the words, karaku's voice cuts through the air like a knife.

"urogi, stop. you're confusing her."

you look up to see aizetsu seated across from you, his expression inscrutable. you can't tell if he's angry or hurt, but the tension in the air is palpable.

for a moment, you feel like you're drowning in a sea of emotions, unsure of which way to swim. you don't know what to say, or even if there's anything you can say to make things right.

as the silence stretches on, you become acutely aware of the atmosphere in the room. the low murmur of conversation from the other patrons of the bar seems to fade into the background, leaving only the sound of your own breathing ringing in your ears.

urogi pouts, “i just asked them a question.”

urogi's pout only adds to the surreal atmosphere, as if his expression alone were enough to challenge the laws of physics. aizetsu doesnt relent, “but you didn’t give them a fair sample to compare. you rushed ahead as usual.”

 the brothers continue their conversation, but you find it hard to focus on anything except the electricity that seems to be pulsing through the air.

rushed … ahead..?

just when you think things couldn't get any more intense, aizetsu leans over his brother to cup your face. you're taken aback by the sudden closeness, but before you can even process what's happening, his lips are on yours. the kiss is firm, yet gentle, and you feel your head spin as you lose yourself in the moment. this is the closest you've ever been to him, closer even than during your study sessions.

when he pulls away, you're left gasping for breath, still reeling from the experience. and then, just as suddenly, urogi turns on you. "so now you have a comparison. can you tell the difference?"

you can feel the weight of their gazes on you, but you can't bring yourself to face them. you're not sure if you're ready to handle the scrutiny, not after being kissed by both brothers in such a short span of time. it's all too much, too surreal, and you're struggling to find your footing in this strange new reality.

"look at that flush. now i'm intrigued, you found an interesting one, aizetsu."

you feel a rush of emotions as sekido's words weigh heavy on your mind. was that what they thought of you? were you just another classmate to take advantage of their brotherly bond? the thought makes your heart ache and you feel a sudden urge to leave, to preserve what little dignity you have left.

but before you can make a move, sekido's hand is on your arm, pulling you towards him.

“the two of you are still close from familiarity. they need an outlier to appreciate the variance.”

 you can feel the roughness of his calloused skin against your flesh, sending shivers down your spine. as he cranes your head up, you can't help but feel a flutter in your stomach at the intensity of his gaze.

"pay attention," he commands before dropping his mouth to yours.

sekido's kiss is ravenous and urgent, surpassing any notion of chastity as he devours your mouth. his tongue slips past your lips and explores every inch of your mouth with a hunger that takes your breath away. you try to match his intensity, but your chest heaves as you struggle to keep up with his passion. when he pulls away, your head spins from the sheer force of the kiss.

you're left dazed and disoriented, your mind racing with questions and doubts. how had this night come to this? to be caught in the middle of the brothers, playing with your affection? you can't help but feel like you're in over your head, unsure of where this unexpected turn of events will take you.

“well, suppose it's only fair, eh?”

as karaku approaches, you can feel the energy shift, a palpable tension in the air. his presence is suave, and you find yourself captivated by the way he moves, the way he carries himself with such confidence and grace.

he kneels before you, and you feel a jolt of expectation as he leans in to kiss you. the touch of his lips is electric, a subtle shock that ignites a fire within you. his kiss is practiced, but not cold - he leads you through a dance of passion, his movements sure and fluid, his touch light but commanding.

as he pulls away, you can feel your breath catch in your throat, your heart racing with a mixture of excitement and fear. you are unsure of what just transpired, of what it all means - but one thing is clear: this was no longer a simple game.

his thumb brushes across your lips, and you can feel the heat of his gaze as he looks into your eyes. his voice is low and seductive, a whisper that sends shivers down your spine.

"pretty, pretty," he murmurs. "so what do you think, are we so similar?"

[estellardreams]

Hehe welp back onto the "Sharing a room" bit I think I can make this work-

Granted the sitcom format starts going down in between all of the pain and misery and suffering- I'm getting ahead of myself OKAY!

I think that although all of them don't like it, Wukong personally would not want to sleep anywhere near Macaque... And the lesser of two evils seems much better. Red only chose the middle one to stop the constant arguing and forced cuddling cause he absolutely HATED that and hated how every single time the shadow monkey tried to initiate it reminded him of King Red. And he HATES King Red so no surprise there. Which left the only other bed available to Macaque... Simple.

Sleep positions feel all over the place, too. Do you think that once Red gets ahold of a plush he starts hugging it in his sleep cause I think he would do that out of instinct okay-

Wukong just... Loses half of his blanket to the floor he moves around so much. That is not his bed it's for the next two years sadly why is it so UNCOMFORTABLE why isn't it like his home back at flower fruit mountain like a silky hammock or plush mattress it's way too FIRM-

Red probably sleeps just fine on a more firm mattress. He doesn't sleep on beds too often mostly at his desk tbh but when he does that mattress needs to support him not sink him in. But sometimes the insomnia kicks in and it's nearly impossible for him to fall asleep... That is until Wukong finally helped him get a small plush a way to rebel against the King's image: A cutesy pony doll. Sure it's made out of hair but what can you do in this situation?

Macaque CANONICALLY SLEEPS ON TREES. He's more monkey than the Monkey King for crying out loud! So of course a stiff bed isn't going to be much of a problem. The new issue is that he's not used to having so much ROOM on a mattress it feels like you're sleeping on concrete now why is it like that and not slightly itchy bark why-

*ahem* anyway. Silly rambles aside I'm sure everyone's having a great time, right? /sarcastic

[DKR and TT Red belong to @purble-turble]

Original bedroom model I made:

Seperated images + no blanket transparent (for poses) below cut:

[annakie]

I Tripped and Took A Dive Into Another Life

*Edit* OK here's the thing y'all... I've been meaning to make this post since about... April. I swore to myself that I'd make it before the end of the year so, it's December 31st now.

I've been working on it a few days and... it's about half done. I've been working on it most of the afternoon and I want to go do other things.

I'll finish it in a second part, in a day or two.

It's already really, really long. And I am happy to take questions if you have them, either in comments here or in messages! I'll answer those in the part two. :)

The song the title came from is "Medication" by David Wimbish & the Collection and it felt apropos for this post anyway.

One last thing, I'm fine with you sharing links to this post with individuals but reblogs are turned off because there are people with Strong Opinions on this topic and I'm here to talk about MY experience. Thanks!

----

So, as anyone who has paid even a little attention to things I've posted this year is well aware of, I had a really big transformation this year, in a pretty extensive home renovation both inside and out.

If somehow you missed it, or missed part of it, the saga starts here, and I have gone back and added the table of contents to every post for easy navigation. In case you need a novel to read today.

But here's the thing... the house was really just the second biggest transformation in my life this year.

There's been another saga I've been going through this entire year that I've hinted at a little but haven't posted about online (at least not on any social media associated with the name Annakie) that I'll still be on for a good long while, but I'm well, well into.

Throughout this year, I have lost, as of this morning, 124.6 pounds.

I still have around 75.4 to go until I'm where I'd love to be, but I've come a really long way and it's been, honestly, just an incredible year.

I'd like to talk about it in depth, what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I 100% get that reading a post like this isn't for everyone but I have a lot of thoughts I wanted to get down somewhere and maybe reading this will be impactful to someone.

If you are triggered by weight loss, medication, or discussion of size in any way, I would not recommend reading this post. Otherwise...

I am 49 years old and have been fat my entire life.

I was a chubby child. I didn't eat much differently than my friends and brother, I ran and played as much as the other kids, but I was still chubby. I played softball throughout late elementary school and all of junior high. (Surprise! I was the catcher, the position all the stocky kids got.)

My mom struggled with her weight, too, though she always kept it pretty well under control with help from like, Weight Watchers or other programs, but my dad was always naturally skinny.

In high school I did Weight Watchers for a couple of years and Jenny Craig for a couple more, both with my mom (who has always loved me no matter what, but wanted me to be happy when I was not with my weight.) Again, I didn't feel like I ate much different than my friends. I was involved in a ton of extracurricular activities, I took tennis class as my PE credits, and managed the JV and Varsity Basketball and Softball teams, which still took a lot of physical activity.

I was still, while maybe not fat fat, chubby and big enough to get teased by the cruelest kids.

In college, I took weightlifting classes for a couple of years for me PE elective, I was again involved in a lot of activities, but I ate worse, for sure. It was a lot harder to eat well with school cafeteria food or just grabbing whatever was available most of the time, between studies and the like, six clubs I was in I rarely went home. I could have done better, but I also was doing what everyone else was doing.

Hey, I also was on Fen-Phen for a short time in college! Not long enough to actually do damage, I asked.

I was wearing an XL when I was a senior in High School, and in college I was wearing 18/20s. I know this because I still have some clothes from way back then. As a taller girl, about 5'9", I was usually the biggest girl around.

After college, things just got worse. For the rest of my 20's and early 30's I moved around the mid-200's. Sometimes I'd get on a health kick and get down to the lower half of the 200's, sometimes I'd find myself on the higher end.

In the mid-2000's I got informally diagnosed with having PCOS by my doctor. She at least said I had every symptom, including a lower-functioning thyroid, just not low enough to do anything about. We did a scan and there weren't actually cysts on my ovaries, and I've never tried to get pregnant so who knows if it would have been difficult, but my doctor at the time said she was almost positive I had it. Which would explain a lot.

In 2009, at about 34 years old, round about the time I was getting my floors and countertops redone, I also was on my biggest health kick yet. I tried really hard that year, and I found myself down to about 219 pounds at the lowest. I was working out like five times a week, eating right, just really doing everything I could and people were taking notice.

I was so proud of myself and I swore this was IT, I was NEVER getting that fat again. There was a picture a friend sent to me where I was around 280 and I literally told her (TW: Fatphobia) "If I ever look like that again, just go ahead and kill me, lol." Remembering that still makes me cringe.

After I hit the 220's though, things slowed down significantly and I was having a lot of problems getting any more weight off. It was frustrating, I was stalled for weeks, but I was sticking to plan and still trying. I thought I looked great. I felt great.

And then in October 2009, I was driving to work and an idiot pulled out in front of me, causing me to T-bone him (completely his fault). My Acura RSX-S was totaled, along with my right shoulder. I was in pain more or less all over my body for weeks, and the absolute stress of dealing with the aftermath, even though I was completely not at fault, just took over my life.

I also couldn't use that shoulder for many months almost at all, everything was painful. It would be years until it was fully functional again and still tends to get tight if I leave it in certain positions for too long.

I totally lost my grip on my weight loss. I tried to get it back a few times, but with the stress and my inability to work out, and my body working against me, slowly but surely it all went back on.

And more.

And more.

---

When I started working at my awesome job in 2012 I'd put quite a bit back on but then we would eat out every day for lunch and I'd often stop for fast food for dinner since finances were much less tight with the new job.

In 2014 my back started hurting. I have scoliosis so I knew at some point back pain would be a daily reality. But apparently I have sciatica (or so I was told) and standing up for awhile caused the lower left side of my back in particular to compress painfully. Bad timing, because right around then was when I started traveling extensively to see the Thrilling Adventure Hour and would work for hours standing at the booth selling merch for them at conventions.

I figured out ways to cope... a baseball in my backpack to lean against the wall and massage my back with. Lidocane heat patches. Just taking time to bend over and try to touch my toes to stretch it out. It wasn't that bad, I figured.

---

I don't know exactly when I crossed the 300 pound threshold but it was before 2017. I know this because I recently asked my doctor if he could see in my records and he said their current record system only goes back that far and I was in the 310s for my first record in the system (he said he could put in a request for older records but I told him no, that was good enough.)

You'd think hitting 300 would be a wake-up call, but it wasn't, really. I put in some halfhearted attempts at weight loss every couple of years, would lose 15 pounds or so and then go back to eating, frankly, pretty terribly. I think really at some point it felt like a lost cause. I'm fat, I'll always be fat, might as well just accept it. I'm just one of those people who can't lose weight due to my PCOS and low-functioning thyroid. I'll just enjoy myself instead.

My eating was, frankly, pretty out of control for several years. I'd eat out or grab fast food pretty much every day, at least one meal a day. Sometimes all three. Meals at home were often things like... frozen pizza, pizza rolls, chicken fingers, Mac and cheese... you know, all the easy to make ultra-processed stuff.

And sometimes dinner would be an entire sleeve of Oreos or Girl Scout Cookies and a glass of milk, or an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, or a big bag of potato chips. Whatever I could mindlessly grab and eat that would be really delicious and I didn't have to think about it.

Sometimes I would get on a cooking kick and do great with making healthy, delicious meals for awhile. Until things got stressful again.

I also got a coffee habit. One of Starbucks, Dunkin' or Scooters was a several times a week stop for me by the late 2010s. A venti white chocolate mocha or a large caramel latte was a typical order, and often a breakfast sandwich or a donut, too.

---

In very early 2020, I thought... I'm going to do something about this. A cousin and a friend had both done lap-band. I talked to my parents and decided to take some money out of savings and maybe get it done.

I consulted with DFW's leading laparoscopic surgeon, who, hilariously I realized when I met him, had taken out my gallbladder in 2005, so hey I already trusted him, on like, March 6th I think, 2020.

I'd done a ton of research and knew what I was getting into. I was going to get it done.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LIKE 10 DAYS LATER?

So, yeah, that never happened. I kept telling myself I would get back to it, but never did.

---

The Pandemic and starting WFH both helped and didn't. I did start cooking a lot more. I'd always go through phases where I'd cook a lot and then not, I'm a pretty good cook. I did Hello Fresh and then a cheaper service called Dinnerly for awhile, and although I picked whatever meals I wanted which often weren't low-calorie, they at least weren't constant takeout.

In late 2022 I started noticing some kind of alarming health things going on. I went to a cardiologist, and I do have a problem which wasn't because of my weight, it was a problem since birth it turns out (again, I asked about the Fen-Phen thing), but also my weight definitely was the cause of it being noticed and acting up.

Some other things happened in 2022. I traveled for the first time since the pandemic started, and I realized even in my first car trip that my body's size was now becoming real problem in travel. When I was going to do my first plane trip, I "splurged" and bought first-class tickets, but really it was an expense I knew was stupid. It was the only way I could fit into a single seat.

I'd been having to ask for a seatbelt extender for a couple of years to make sure the belt would fit... sometimes it would, sometimes it wouldn't depending on the length of the strap, but... I knew I was too big for even that anymore.

I also had to travel for work in the second half of 2022, and I had to go to my bosses and basically tell them... look... I'm too fat for a regular seat. I would be happy to pay the difference between the regular seat fare and first class. My bossess pulled some strings and I got my entire seat paid for. It was kind of mortifying when I felt like I had to explain to my coworkers who were also on that flight why I got to sit in first class, though. (and honestly, they didn't ask, I just... was embarrassed about it but didn't want them to think I was more important than them.)

Between these two things, I started feeling like something needed to change.

AND THEN IT DIDN'T.

---

I can't explain it except for like a mental break, but in 2023 I was much, much worse. I was pretty happy in every area of my life, but my eating just... went completely off the rails.

Morning Coffee out at, usually Dunkin', a latte that had about 1000 calories in it every morning, plus a donut or two.

I ordered Grubhub multiple times a week, getting enough food to last a few meals.

And just absolutely eating every fatty, sugary thing I could get my hands on. I'd gotten a pretty substantial pay boost over the the last couple of years with switching jobs twice... I could afford it, who cares?

I ate my way through denials of my worsening health. I ate my way through worsening back pain. I ate so that my pretty big desk chair was starting to feel tight. I only had one pair of jeans and a handful of shirts that fit and looked good.

I eschewed basically all physical activity. My house was starting to fall into clutter again.

I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without crippling back pain.

I knew it was out of control but I felt helpless. Everything else in life was pretty good, except this one thing, that was really affecting everything else.

---

I went to our company Christmas party and was in pain with sitting in chairs that were too small. And then horrifyingly, one night we had to walk two blocks down to the barcade nearby.

Halfway through the walk there was a bench, and I told everyone to go on ahead and sat down on it. My buddy Eric, who has known me since 2000, sat with me, and he didn't say anything about it, but he knew that things had gotten bad and offered me some sympathy about my back.

But it was mortifying.

We got to the barcade and my back hurt so bad that I "held down the fort" at a table, socializing with everyone who came to eat and watched everyone's stuff, instead of playing video games.

A few days later they posted pics of the 2-day long event on the company intranet and I couldn't even look at the pictures of me.

---

I drove to be with my brother/SIL/Niece and Nephews for Christmas and where the seatbelt buckles in dug into my hip so bad it bruised. I already had to have the seat all the way back and my stomach was starting to brush against the steering wheel.

It was hard walking up the flight of stairs in my brother's house, my lower legs would start to cramp up, so I only went up there to go to bed at night and brought everything else I'd want that day down with me.

Honestly, I was physically miserable, though mentally I don't think I was depressed or anything.

By the time the drive happened, though, I had started thinking it was time to try to turn things around.

I'd had my annual visit with the cardiologist and he was frank with me, if I didn't get better, dying in my 50's was a possibility. He suggested I talk to my PCP about getting real help.

So I made an appointment, and had it the day before I took the drive for Christmas.

---

I weighed in at a little over 350 at the doctor's office. This was in the early afternoon, so I'd eaten and was wearing clothes. But the number sent me reeling.

My PCP agreed with my cardiologist, and was really happy I'd come to him for help.

He told me that he had several patients who'd been doing well on Mounjaro, which he explained was the "newer, better Ozempic."

I'd heard about Ozempic of course, but figured it was bullshit just like everything else I'd tried. I'd done a couple of other fad diets and medications I didn't mention here before. I was doubtful, it sounded like a thing celebrities were doing to drop 20 pounds and that wasn't where I was.

My doctor gave me a prescription and told me that it's likely my insurance didn't cover it, and it was really expensive, but to go do research and let him know.

The lap band idea was still kicking around in my head. My doctor said though, that surgery was a permanent solution, let's try not getting surgery first and see how it went. The surgery would be there later if I needed it.

I went on my Christmas trip to my brother's, then decided to put off thinking about it until the new year, 2024.

---

I really wasn't sure I'd do it. But the first week of January, 2024 I typed in mounjaro.com, and read through the website, and saw that actually Zepbound was the same thing but prescribed for weightloss instead of diabetes. So I read almost all of that website, too.

I then went to the Mounjaro subreddit and started reading posts.

And I read. And read. And read. I read every post I could find about every question I had. For like a week or two most of my free time was spent reading the Mounjaro and then Zepbound (which in those days was not moderated and a very wild west) subreddits, or trying to figure out if I could afford this medication.

The posts in the subreddits were unlike any weight loss discussion I'd seen, and I've seen a lot.

A lot of posts about the side effects of the medication, which looked not great, but also a lot of people assuring others that most people only had mild side effects.

So many posts with advice about nutrition, supplements, shot timing and placement, how to get it, how to afford it.

There were so many before and after posts, people who started out looking like me or even bigger who now looked so much smaller.

But best of all were the posts where people described how taking this medicine quieted their brains, and just shut the fucking voice up that was constantly screaming for food even when you knew you weren't hungry.

I honestly thought it was just me that felt that way. The you could eat an entire nutritious, delicious meal and your brain would still be saying "EAT MORE! MORE!!" That voice never, ever stopped unless it was satisfied, that you'd eaten more than you wanted to eat and literally could not eat another bite. Then it went away, for an hour or two.

There were posts that made me cry, because for the first time I felt like people were talking about food and eating and how it felt like their brains were broken regarding food, and this medication made them feel like what was broken was fixed. They could eat and be satisfied for a long time. That hunger wasn't an ever-present all-consuming force in their lives anymore. That they'd felt that way since they were a child and they don't anymore.

I'd always felt that way, too.

This medication... sounded too good to be true.

But just reading these posts on reddit made me want to believe. I wanted to feel the way they were feeling now, too.

Maybe it would work.

---

I soon learned that my insurance would not cover Mounjaro or Zepbound, but that there was a "Savings Card" that would bring the price down to a "mere" $550 per month (from $1100+). I filled out the paperwork and was granted my savings card.

Still sounded like a lot, but I was willing to try for a couple of months.

So I called the pharmacy and told them to please fill the prescription. They didn't have any, they said. Call around and see if someone else did and they'd transfer the prescription there.

So I called several other Walgreens and CVSs near me and every one of them told me the same.

Crazy. Frustrating.

I'd seen this word whispered around the subreddits, though, compound. Said in ways that made it sound mysterious and dangerous. But, by the middle of January I was on a mission.

I started cleaning out my pantry and fridge, I bought healthier food, I started researching the newest apps and technology to track your food and fitness, and though I wasn't making huge changes yet, I hadn't gone to Dunkin' or ordered takeout except once or twice all year so far, which was at least an improvement. I'd signed back up for Dinnerly a couple of weeks prior and modified my upcoming selections to be low-er calorie meals.

And I started looking into this compound thing.

---

So it turns out that when a medication has to be specially made for someone OR a medication is in shortage, that these other specialty pharmacies are allowed to make "copies" of that medicine. And Ozempic/Wegovy and Mounjaro/Zepbound were all in shortage, so many people were getting on both of them.

And thus, these specialty pharmacies are allowed to make copies of those drugs. It sounded sketchy to me at first, and then I followed a bunch of threads and videos and looked into it enough that I decided the fact that you could get it for a significantly cheaper price was worth the risk. I found the subreddits for people on the compound versions (mostly compoundedtirzepatide and tirzepatidecompound - tirzepatide is the official name of the medication) and by the third week of January, selected a company that looked legit. I looked into a LOT of companies and many of them felt very sketchy, but this one didn't. This was a company called Mochi.

NOTE ADDED LATER: Mochi has had SEVERAL scandals in the last couple of months. They used to be a reputable company when I used them but no longer are. Do not use them, although I speak about them positively here, as I had a positive experience but since then they have lost reputation.

What I liked about this company is that they assigned a real, actual doctor to you that you had a telehealth visit with before you could get on the medication, the website and intake form looked legit, and you got a nutritionist to speak to as well. It wasn't the cheapest company ($400/month a that point, they've lowered prices since then I've heard) but I decided a place that was a little more professional was worth it.

I signed up, paid my membership fees and got a telehealth appointment for a week away.

---

That week felt like it took forever, but during that week I ordered a digital scale. It said, naked and first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom, I weighed 345 pounds.

I met with my Mochi physician, Dr. Kim and he was great. I made an appointment with the nutritionist, and I waited for my meds to arrive.

I joined loseit.com to start tracking my food intake. My first tracking day was January 30th, 2024. I used some online tools to calculate a range of how many calories a day I should eat and made that my goal. I didn't meet that goal several of first few days after I set my goal, it was too hard. I was fucking hungry.

I changed the way I ate, I had gotten a new rice cooker with a steamer basket on top and would make a half a cup (dry) of brown rice with 6 ounces of chicken breast, plus a bunch of carrot and onion, topped with a few tablespoons of teriyaki or some other sauce. A big, healthy and delicious lunch and three hours after I ate this bounty my stomach would be growling again.

I made my lower-calorie Dinnerly meals for dinner and had gotten rid of the worst of the foods in my fridge and pantry but, honestly, the last few days of January and first 8 days of February were a struggle. I was white-knuckling it and barely staying under my 2000 calorie goal for the day. It was really hard, but I wanted to get my body used to doing better before I introduced the new variable of medication to it.

In fact, on Feb 8th I made this note in LoseIt:

Just wanted to note how miserable this afternoon was. Even after eating a big bowl of DELICIOUS protein and fiber for lunch I was hungry 2 hours later and couldn't stop thinking about food. Was hungry an hour after eating the apple + p b. Beef Jerky just tied me over. Dinner was satiating for the rest of the night finally. Most of the days since I'd been calorie tracking again had been like this. Knowing I'd be getting relief in a few days with the Tirz kept me sane and on track.

Still, I managed to lose 5 pounds in those two weeks. I was proud of me, but it was so difficult that I knew I couldn't keep it up on my own.

I also spent this time watching several videos on how to draw medication from a vial and administer a shot to yourself. Everyone assured me, -- Dr. Kim, lots of posts on Reddit and videos on Youtube, that it was easy and relatively painless.

I ordered a bunch of things to combat every side effect people said might happen.

My PCP had also given me a prescription for an anti-nausea medication so I had that on hand.

I contemplated telling him that I'd chosen to do compound, but decided to hold off, see the results, and would go to him in a couple of months with the results. A lot of people online said their doctors were against compound, so I was nervous.

---

On February 7th my medication arrived via FedEx. That was a Wednesday. I'd decided to hold off taking my first shot until Friday. I warned my boss that I might be out that day, and at about 7:30 in the morning pulled my medication out of the fridge, watched one last "How to inject" video, read all the instructions and labels on the medication, washed my hands really well, prayed for no side effects, and filled the vial after using the alcohol pad to clean the vial top and my injection site. Turns out filling the syringe from the vial was the tricky part, but I figured it out.

(TW: Needles, skip this paragraph.) I triple checked my dosage was right, pinched the skin at the injection site, then cringed as I put the needle on my stomach. I pushed it in. Oh, yeah a tiny, tiny prick but not really painful. The needle went in, I pressed down on the plunger until the syringe was empty, waited a few seconds, and pulled it out.

Hm... that really wasn't that hard, and it didn't really hurt, either! Nice!

I cleaned everything up, and put the medication back in its little container, then back in the fridge.

And then woah, nausea. Not too bad, like maybe a 4 out of 10. I grabbed the Zofran my PCP prescribed and took one, with my morning Dunkin'. Oh yeah, I'd found new Dunkin'... ISO100 Dunkin' Donuts Morning Mocha Protein Powder. Caffeinated protein powder for my morning coffee. A good compromise.

After about a minute, the nausea passed. I sat down at my desk and got to work.

The morning passed normally. I ate 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread with Cream Cheese (trying to replace my usual bagel or donut) and had an actual cup of coffee with high-protein milk and caramel syrup.

These are my notes in LoseIt for my first day:

First Day

Took shot at 7:45am. Felt minor nausea about 5 minutes after. Took Zofran and it went away. Definitely felt satiated longer before lunch, though was somewhat hungry by the time I ate around 12:30. Very satiated all afternoon, which was a HUGE improvement. Last few days the afternoons have been a struggle. Ate only two cookies and little desire for more after they came. Wasn't all that hungry when I ate dinner, did it anyway. Very satiated still. Drinking Protein shake to get in more protein and calories and could do without.

---

What I didn't really record there is what exactly happened at lunch.

I made the lunch I'd been eating a lot lately, brown rice, chicken, veggies and teriyaki sauce.

And I got like, three fourths of the way through the bowl when it was time to eat.

Then I picked up the bowl to take another bite and I got this feeling almost like "Ewwwww." Not quite ew, though, maybe more like "Ugh."

I looked down at my bowl of very delicious and healthy food and... it was almost like something audible in my body. Just this feeling of "No."

It wasn't nausea, either. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of "No. You've had enough." I looked at the remainder of my food and didn't want anymore. I'd enjoyed it, the rest of it would also taste delicious, but I just felt no desire to keep eating.

"But that's crazy!" I thought. "I'm not full. I'm at least not stuffed. I've been eating this exact lunch most days for the last two weeks! It's great! But even this bowl doesn't actually fill me up! I need to eat all of it or I'll be hungry again in an hour!!"

"Naaaah," another part of me, maybe my stomach part of me said, "you don't. You've had enough. Just stop now. I promise. Really."

"This is insane," I thought. "I'm going to be hungry and miserable again soon."

"Trust me," the other part of me said. "You took your first shot today, maybe this is the medication working."

So, feeling like this was foolish, I covered the bowl with some cling film and put the rest of it in the fridge. I'd want it again soon.

...AND THEN I DIDN'T.

---

I ate my full dinner that night, and I'm not sure I ever finished my lunch.

My only recorded snacks that day were my protein shake and two Girl Scout Cookies.

My niece is a Girl Scout and I had stupidly ordered cookies, doing the thing I always do and say I'll just donate them or give them to a neighbor.

Welp, the cookies arrived THAT DAY. The day of my first shot.

Typically, this would have been cause for half a box to disappear before the day was out, maybe the entire box.

That night, I had two with my protein shake.

Two cookies.

I had two, and I didn't want any more. I was happy with the two.

I was so FUCKING proud of myself. I stayed in my calorie budget that day.

In fact, most days for the next month and a half I had two cookies for a snack at night. I think I'd gotten 6 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, and y'all the first weekend of April every year there's a local gaming conference I go to. I ended up bringing my last two boxes of cookies to the conference for snacks for the table. I had like two out of each of those boxes as snacks that weekend but they were gone pretty early from everyone else eating them, and I was glad.

Those cookies wouldn't have lasted a week before.

---

That Sunday, the 11th I had 1600 calories and I noted in LoseIt that it was HARD to eat that much. The Tirzepatide is strongest 2 days after injection.

---

Monday, February 12th:

Learning how much is "enough" Over the weekend the satiation stayed HIGH. Yesterday was a real struggle to get enough calories in. Today I'm working on better figuring out portion sizes. I think I got just the right amount of portion for lunch. What's amazing is I pretty early on figured out when my stomach is telling me "Enough!" during a meal. I get a very tiny amount of prickly feeling in my upper stomach. Doesn't really "hurt" like pain, just enough to know "Oh, ok, it wants to be done now." And then no problem pushing the food away. It's amazing. And not feeling the same kind of hunger? Like I get a "yeah, I could eat" feeling but not that ravenous "can't stop thinking about food" feeling. It's enough to know my body is ready for food, but it's dulled enough that I don't feel the need for as much as I could possibly eat? Having girl scout cookies in the house and being like "yeah I could eat two and then not think about them anymore" is also amazing. They're there. I don't need them. I know I'll get two sometime tonight, and that's fine. The worst part is just having that full feeling almost all the time, so that's slightly uncomfortable, but also great in making me just not feel like eating MORE. Yesterday especially felt "ugh I have to cram more food to get more calories and I don't wanna" and I've been significantly under calories, which I know isn't good. I need to make the most out of every meal for protein and fiber. Thursday should be a "Hungry day" - will not feel bad about hitting calorie limit that day if I do so. Tirz is such a game changer.

---

Tirzepatide is supposed to be a once a week shot. It's at its weakest the last 2 days before injection day.

Thursday, February 15th: Woke up this morning early and with definite hunger. Had a Protein shake around 7:30 - 8. Was about to start breakfast at 8:30 when got a call to take Pemily to the vet early. DID NOT STOP FOR STARBUCKS/DUNKIN' ON THE WAY HOME. Was barely tempted. VICTORY! (I, without a doubt, would have stopped for SOMETHING on the way home before Tirzepatide.) Had breakfast VERY late (10:15). Had lunch at 1:30. Was supposed to be 3 flour tortillas with meat. Just went ahead and spread the meat to two tortillas. Couldn't finish the second one. Left it for dinner. IDK if I can eat that plus the rest of what I'm supposed to eat. May just leave out the tortillas entirely for dinner. But I need the calories!? It's very, VERY VERY VERY VERY weird to have this "UGH wait I HAVE TO EAT MORE?" problem??! Today is day before 2nd shot. Yeah, a little hunger now but the satiation is there after I eat. Felt the "OK you can stop now" feeling I was afraid I'd miss. Insane. Can't believe this is real, can't believe this is ME. I love it so much. --- Saturday, February 17th: Stop making so much rice. Just a reminder that you absolutely will not eat a half cup of rice as a serving ever again. Stop it, dumby.

(This has almost always been true so far.)

---

The first month was a time of learning. I had set myself calorie and protein goals, it can't be stressed enough how important protein is on the rapid weight loss journey. I was trying to get 120 - 150g in per day. Most days I made that, a few I didn't. Adding in protein shakes and starting to subtract carbs like pasta became something to work on. I didn't change everything out all of a sudden but through the first couple of months would learn something and adjust.

By the end of the month the number of calories I could stand per day had really started to drop. My goal of 2000 calories a day meant I was about 600 under maintenance which would hopefully net me a pound or two of loss per week. I didn't want to drop crazy fast. I didn't want to shock my system. I just wanted to adjust and figure out a better way without hating everything I ate. Finding ways to still eat the stuff I liked for the most part while still making better choices.

By the end of February, despite eating usually 1800 - 2000 calories a day (sometimes a bit more, but more often a bit less) I'd lost almost 15 pounds. At least half of that was probably inflammation and water weight.

After my first shot, it wasn't even hard. I was eating two cookies every night (and one night I had 5, and didn't feel good about it, but still stayed under calories that day.)

I'd also met with my Mochi nutritionist, and she suggested adding in some supplements. A woman's multivitamin, fish oil for heart health (shoutout to Nordic Naturals, they don't give the fish burps!), Magnesium and a probiotic to help with digestion, and a fiber gummy to help with fiber. That adds about 35 calories a day, which I always record.

I kept on doing Dinnerly meals for awhile, eventually doing things like not eating two of the six tortillas that came with the tacos to leave more calories for protein. Dropping almost any pasta-focused meals, etc. Eventually I just realized I was wasting and adjusting around their meals so much it wasn't worth it, and started doing my own meal planning more.

---

So, let's digress a minute here to talk about what Tirzepatide does.

Here's a cool chart I stole from someone's reddit post who stole it from somewhere else on the internet, apologies to the creator for no credit:

Look, I'm not going to pretend I understand all of those things.

But here's the four most important things, to me at least.

First, It lowers insulin resistance. This is the reason diabetics so easily gain weight usually. And apparently people with PCOS have this problem too. So it like, tirzepatide literally makes it easier to lose weight physically. My weight has been coming off steadily, and although I've had some small stalls, I have faith that the medication and sticking to my Plan is working, and that the scale number will drop again in a few days, maybe a week. And it always has.

Second, It lowers inflammation. So many people, myself included, find themselves in significantly less pain due to less inflammation. Guess what... that means it's like, easier to move around! And get more body movement in which means... burning more calories! YMMV on this one but it was great for me. More on that later.

The third big thing it does is quiets the "food noise". When I was talking way earlier about reading the reddit posts, and people saying how their brain is not constantly, constantly, constantly telling them to eat more, until you want to fucking puke, that is what food noise means. It means there are girl scout cookies in a box behind you and your brain will NOT SHUT UP about those girl scout cookies, even if you have eaten a full lunch an hour ago, until you eat the fucking cookies and eat so many you want to puke. Until the box is GONE.

That voice in my brain... it's not 100% gone every minute now, but even when I DO hear it, even when there's something I really, really want, it doesn't control me anymore.

Maybe I'll have one cookie, even two, and then I can stop! Or maybe I'll go have a 25 calorie stick of jerky (shoutout to Snack Mates chicken jerky sticks! They've been my go-to tiny snack for most of the year and they always hit the spot) instead, and that shuts the stupid voice off.

It's such a game changer. Y'all, Tirzepatide doesn't just shut up the addiction voice for food, and yeah, I definitely WAS addicted to food. It's also either being studied for or approved for drug and alcohol addiction as well. There are so many people who were alcoholics or smoked a pack a day or whatever who started taking Tirzepatide and then either significantly lowered or STOPPED their intake of these things. I believe it's also being studied for other addictions like gambling. (Google it, there's lots of articles about it out there.)

I know it almost sounds like mind control but it truly does quiet addiction voices. My mind is so much freer now (lol I know that sounds like something a cultist would say but please believe me). I have more space in my head for my hobbies and to concentrate on work because I'm not thinking about food all the damn time.

I don't think I could have made it through the stress of this summer/fall's renovations in nearly the same way if my brain was as full of the noise as it was before.

I am truly mentally in such a better place because of what this medication does to a person mentally.

Like, hell yeah I still DO look forward to a good meal. Yeah I still want chocolate! Food still tastes AMAZING, just like it always did. It's just that I'm not thinking about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Once my stomach is like "It's cool, we can stop now." instead of my brain going "fuck you, stomach, we're eating more!" my brain can go "Oh, nice, thanks for letting me know, you're right, let's stop now." and be DONE with it.

And look, I've still overeaten on occasion, we'll get to that. But even when I DO eat too much, which isn't often and is almost always a special occasion like going out to eat (which I rarely do and only with other people) or Christmas Dinner, it's like "Welp, that wasn't great, let's do better tomorrow."

And then I do.

But I haven't truly binged like I used to, pretty much at all. A handful of moments of weakness or "nope I really am going to finish all this" in the last ten months. Not every couple of days.

OKAY the FOURTH THING Tirzepatide does is that it slows digestion. Remember how I said how I'd eat a big, delicious meal and then two hours later I'd be Actually Hungry again and wanting to eat more?

No more of that. I eat something and I stay full for a long time. They call it "Delayed gastric emptying." The stomach slows down. Food is digested slower, and better. Usually.

This is fantastic for just physically NOT being hungry a lot! So Tirzepatide addresses both mental AND physical hunger. It's SO GREAT eating a decent meal and staying full until about the next time you should be eating. And sometimes past that.

Sometimes it sucks because you know you haven't eaten enough calories today and UGH what do you MEAN I have to eat MORE!? Can I just... not!?

The other big reason this could suck is that in very rare cases people's digestion tracts have paralyzed, meaning they don't digest at all. Typically this is people who overdose on the medication apparently and it's extremely rare but very bad if it happens. The main thing to avoid here is just... taking too much medication. Stay on the lowest effective dose for you. I've been on it almost 11 months now and am still on the 3rd (of 6) dose level. I am hoping to not need to go up more.

More on that later.

The best way I can describe being on Tirzepatide is that I finally, finally FINALLY just feel normal about food. Food is great, but I don't think about it all the time. The only reason I think about it as much as I do is because I very much want to make sure I eat within my calorie range every day and get in enough protein every day. So I still do think about food "a lot" compared to an average person, but I'm thinking about it in a "let's make sure we eat well, around the times we're supposed to eat so that we don't have to eat too much at the end of the day, and get in enough protein and calories today!" way and not "How many cookies can I cram into my face and how soon until I can do that?" way.

Obviously as the graphic above says it does other things, but these are the main changes most people feel.

---

Okay, like I said, this is CRAZY long and yet I have like 10 more months worth of things to discuss, more technical information to talk about, and a lot of really positive things to share.

Please send questions if you have them, or if you just want to about it, I'm VERY happy to do so.

Another post in a day or two! <3

Part Two Here

Part Three Here

[cobra-creampuff]

and one more thing. i like thinking about what if mickey was - depending on your definition - a virgin before he was with ian. it's really not much of a stretch tbh.

he's 16(?) their first time together

he's DEEPLY closeted

he may or may not be in denial, i go back and forth on this (and yes i know that extra-canonical sources have said he is, i don't care about the council's decision whether it's a stupidass one or not)

so like my thought is. he's pretty young. i know shameless has literally everybody fucking casually by the time they're fourteen but that is absolutely one of the most unrealistic aspects of the show lmfao. so anyway, he's pretty young. so there's that.

if we say he's in denial, and we take into account that he later is shocked by and very against the idea of pegging, it's pretty unlikely that he would seek out or ask for penetration even from women. and even in denial, it's not unbelievable that he wouldn't try rounding bases with women more conventionally either, although of course some people do. it might just not occur to him, or it might be too off-putting to go through with when he isn't being forced.

+ i kind of think that if mickey is in denial by the time of canon, it's the "i have more important things to worry about than getting a girlfriend" flavor, rather than a more "i am definitely into women and i can prove it" flavor. just because like. he really does have more important things to worry about. his one parent seems to be in jail more often than not and his siblings don't seem to have a collaborative relationship like the gallaghers do. mickey must have to spend a lot of time and energy on getting his basic needs met. if he has no interest in women, there's a readily available reasoning that has no relation to his sexuality (meaning he never has to think about it at all).

if he isn't in denial, he still can't hook up with anyone in his neighborhood. ian does while still closeted himself, but he's not as paranoid about someone telling on him as mickey is - not to mention ian doesn't care if other gay people know he's gay, why would he? but mickey doesn't just not want to be out, he doesn't want to be gay. just as much if not more, he doesn't want to be vulnerable. so he's not about to tell some kid at school, even if he knows for sure that they're gay too. he needs everyone around him to only know things that make him intimidating. so first of all, he needs to be bullying that kid. more relevantly, he needs to be seen as untouchable, which by necessity means he needs to be untouched. or at the very least not touched in any kind of way that involves even the remotest genuine intimacy, and a shared secret certainly is that - not even getting into the intimacy of doing something you have some type of Feeling about that can only be done with another person.

so if he did want to hook up, he'd have to go Somewhere Else to do it. but now there are so many active steps he has to take, so many times he has to choose over and over again to go Be GayTM, some of which are already GayTM in themselves. he has to decide he wants it enough to do it. he has to decide how far away is far enough. he has to look up and find a gay bar. he has to figure out how to get there. he has to pick a date and time. he has to earn and save enough money for transportation and at least one drink. he has to make up an excuse to have ready if he gets questioned when he leaves or gets home. he has to actually fucking go to a gay bar. he has to actually go inside a gay bar when he gets there. he has to order a drink at a gay bar. he has to stay at a gay bar. he has to look at other men gayly. in person. on purpose. and be seen doing it. if no one picks him up first, he has to pick up another man. he has to communicate in some way to another man that he wants to have sex with him. he has to pick somewhere immediate to do it, because no way is he going to share enough time with this guy to get to a secondary location. and only after all of those steps, many of them likely to require several attempts, none of them easy, only THEN can he finally have the sex. AND!! even then, he still has to bring himself to Be GayTM enough to get involved with the guy's dick. it's easy enough to rationalize later that a mouth is a mouth and the gender of the person it's attached to doesn't really matter; it's much harder to say that about penetrative sex. less so if you top, but still.

so. in my professional opinion. it's very believable that before ian, the "furthest" mickey had gone was receiving a blowjob. and of course he would have skipped right over kissing. (like obviously it's also believable that he would go through all those steps; a teenager will go to the fucking moon if they're horny enough and ready + there's plenty of text to support mickey being the type of guy that if he's gonna do it he's gonna do it all. and it's also believable that he might have been sexually active or at least not completely inactive with women despite not being attracted to them, with textual support for that too. but that's not what we're talking about rn!)

so okay. sure, all that. but then why ian?

well. there's text to suggest mickey maybe had a little crush on ian already. constantly making a nuisance of himself at ian's workplace. staying long enough to put on a little (non-violent) show about it when ian's there, as compared to efficiently hitting and robbing kash when ian is absent. calling him an arguably flattering if crass (and it's mickey so flattering but crass is... just flattering) nickname that directly references his pubic hair - *katya voice* UN-PRO-VOKED!

ian is good looking, obviously. he's got the red hair, which is a preference i like to think mickey had before that being with ian just compounded. perhaps exponentially lmfao. ian also has a personality we can reasonably assume is attractive to mickey even before he knows him that well. he's assertive and brave enough to challenge mickey directly, and especially with kash to compare to ian is definitely a Big Tough Man (even if that's more in attitude than in body at that particular point). and the fact that he's not afraid and not overly aggressive either gives at least some measure of impression that he doesn't have much need or desire for the upper hand - nonthreatening without being weak, wimpy, or boring.

now. not all bottoms are subs. this is true. and not all subs like it rough, and some people who like it rough aren't subs even if they are bottoms. all true. i implore you to look at mickey. now look into your heart. now look at mickey. you know these disclaimers are, in this case, only disclaimers. as such, you KNOW that fight - and ian being the one to start it, even if he didn't win - got mickey so so fired up.

so. ian's hot. he's mickey's type. mickey is teenager horny generally, and now also horny situationally. they are in mickey's bed. mickey is in a mild state of undress. they are touching. ian is between mickey's legs. he's not taking advantage of mickey's hesitation - and he only threatened and then defended himself, never actually getting more aggressive than necessary, i.e. he won't hurt mickey if mickey gives him physical opportunity. the vibes say ian won't use knowledge of mickey's sexuality against him afterward. it's possible mickey already knows he's gay (he seems to, but i always took the potential indications as a continuity error since there's really no sub/textual reason why he would and there are many other such cases).

he's right there, right now, and mickey wants him, and he's safe. bada boom bada bang, baby.

and. one more thing. i like to think about. if mickey hadn't had sex before ian. and we accept that he was lying about having sex in juvie (which we do). and we accept that he was lying about having sex with angie (which we do). and we discount the 3.06 incident with svetlana, since it wasn't consensual (which we do). and we accept that the trucker lady he used to humiliate himself but didn't actually have sex with was the only sexual contact he had while ian was away because he was too miserable to want any, as seems pretty strongly implied (which we do). and if we accept that the show was tragically canceled in the s4 hiatus (which we do lol).

then. in that case. ian is not only mickey's First Time (depending on your definition) and First Kiss, but in fact his only "all the way" sexual partner and only kiss. (and also first and only given bj.)

like, don't get me wrong, i don't believe in or enjoy the First, Last, & Only thing in a purity or like one-true-love way, that shit sucks. however. in a possessive way? pretty sexy. and i know ian would agree. he told me so himself.

(i also just kind of like the idea for mickey specifically. like he fully believed that he would never ever in his whole life ever have the kind of intimacy he has with ian in the end. that it was straight up impossible and there wasn't any point in even so much as thinking about it. and then... he gets it anyway, on his very first try.) (disclaimer again: yes romantic and sexual relationships aren't the only intimate relationships, no monogamy and/or long term commitment aren't inherently more intimate than other dynamics nor are they mutually necessary, yes relationships that end have equal benefit and value to relationships that don't. post not intended to be representational or reflect a widely applicable worldview it's just about this one specific guy etc etc, brought to you by a polyamorous aromantic wejustdon'tknowsexual believe me i get it i know it i live it.)

[scarfacemarston]

Hi! it's me again i requested Yelena x Reader hc

I meant things they might do on Valentine's day together and how Yelena would feel about the day overall.

Yelena's Valentine's Day with the F! Reader!

I tried hard to make this romantic or queer platonic! I hope I succeeded.

Yelena knows what Valentine's is, but it's not celebrated as widely in Russia as in the United States. However, it's not like she would have celebrated it as a Black Widow unless she was undercover in a relationship and was required to celebrate then while undercover. Yelena thinks it's a stupid holiday. She thinks love doesn't have to be proven constantly, especially through frivolous gifts and big romantic gestures. Additionally, she believes that if you love someone, then they should already know it through the everyday actions and time spent together.

However, if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, then she will reluctantly do so because she's a simp and cares for you.

She wishes she had Natasha to ask, and she sure as hell isn't going to ask Alexei or Melina….so she texts Kate in a roundabout way, asking for advice, which Kate enthusiastically gives. Yelena only accepts….10% of it.

First, she would know your love language. (Love languages can still be involved in queerplatonic relationships.) That would be her guide for the rest of the preparations. 

However, do NOT expect anything grand or overly romantic. That is not her style. 

Bucky actually gives her the best advice and tells her to simply be herself.

"Your partner fell for you because you are you. No one else. No false identities to hide behind, but you as a person, strengths and flaws and all. I see the way Reader looks at you and I may not know a lot about a lot of things, but I recognize that affection. Don't beat yourself up over this, don't overcomplicate it. At the end of the day, it's about your care for one another. Now if only I could follow my own advice."

Despite this, Yelena still struggles because she has only recently started to develop her own sense of self. 

Yelena would much rather stay in and celebrate rather than go out. The restaurants would be a mess on Valentine's Day anyway. She isn't much of a cook, but she can handle herself. Part of her gift is definitely making you breakfast and your favorite dinner. You can bet she went to that special bakery to pick up your favorite sweets.

If you drink, she would absolutely find some of the best wine or vodka available to the point where you're wondering where she got it, but you know Yelena has her ways.

 As for material gifts, she finds jewelry, chocolates, and flowers to be too stereotypical and too "lovey-dovey," but if she thinks you want it, then by gosh, are you getting them, regardless of how Yelena will tease you about it later on.

She would much rather give you an experience that you two could share, like a concert or a weekend getaway. She would put the tickets or hotel reservations in a box and wrap it with a bow because she would feel like it was more related to Valentine's Day.

If she's feeling particularly inspired, she might drive you outside of town to stargaze, where she'd relax and tell stories from her childhood or talk about her dreams and goals for the future. All of which she hopes are with you.

When you get home, she draws a bath. Nothing sexual about the actions, just a relaxing bubble bath with the two of you bathing each other and cuddling.

If your relationship is sexual, she is more inclined to get a toy for the two of you to use for your activities. However, to her, it doesn't matter if the sex is on Valentine's Day or not. If you're both tired, why bother? It's just a day to her. She'd much rather you enjoy yourselves.

The night ends with you two turning something lame on Netflix to poke fun at while cuddling and taking turns playing with each other's hair.

You appreciate everything Yelena has done for you and give her a sweet kiss and an earnest "Thank you." She tries to shrug it off but can't help the warm glow she feels inside.

[loopy777]

Heya Loopy!

So, since I'm fresh off of reading For Better and For Worse (OMG, how do you manage it everytime?! I'm sucker for when Zuko gets to hear Mai's grievances and insecurities except she wouldn't actually come out and tell him and your plots always serve the characters so well—!)

Anyways! I find characterisation in your fics more in line with the show than the comics so I have to ask: if you were to write avatar comics, what direction would you have taken with Mai and Zuko. You talked about Mai and Tom-Tom on the server so I know about that, so other than that.

Well, something I do like from the early comics is the immediate focus on the matter of the colonies. (That is also the only thing I liked about it.) And rather than going with the idea of having the gAang implement some dumb policy on a whim that goes on for a whole year before blowing up on them, especially when nothing in the main plot needs a year-long gap except for Zuko apparently not having been able to sleep for 365 consecutive nights and so having the decision-making capabilities of a mushroom, I'd rather have them immediately get started on the issue of what to do with the colonies use it as a long-term plotline.

And with Zuko busy trying to pacify a nation that yesterday was running from Azula worshiping at Ozai's feet (and he's getting enough sleep to remember what the word "delegate" means), he appoints someone as his representative and negotiator who is well-educated, cool under pressure, absolutely loyal, and dangerous enough to not need protection in case of riots. Which is good, because somehow this political plotline is going to involve a lot of magic kung fu fights.

So yeah, that's my concept. On the discord, we've noted that Mai never really got a chance to do a Redemption storyline for her part in the Fire Nation's imperialist agenda, so I like the idea of having the daughter of the guy who conquered Omashu helping to transfer the colonies out of Fire Nation control. Depending on the needs of each individual story (I like self-contained one-shots that slowly progress an overarching plot), we can shuffle her back and forth between the Fire Nation and the colonies, so she can see plenty of Zuko and interact with him for the Maiko fans, but then not be present when we don't want her around to keep him smart. I also like the idea of having Sokka being her counterpart from the Water Tribe for the colonies issue, so this gives me a chance to build a friendship between them, as well as Suki when she's available to guard her boyfriend.

Assuming LoK is still setting the agenda with the colonies becoming a 'United Republic' which is really just a single city and the resource-rich land around it, owned and operated as a shared colony by the four nations. I've always liked to shade this in my fanfics as a failure by the gAang, that they couldn't find a solution which would do right by the people of the colonies. So, unfortunately, this is going to partially be Mai's failure at the culmination of the big colonies plot. (It's Sokka's fault, too, so it's okay.) But I think we can cast it as the completion of her redemption arc, that when she fails to get the colonies proper self-governance, she actually sheds tears and rants to Zuko. And he points out that while she might feel terrible about it, she can at least be sure she did her absolute best.

And when she asks how he can be so sure, he says, "Well, because I know you. And I can see, right now, in your tears, how much you care."

And if we really want to get sappy and Avatar Studios isn't nixing anything that smells of character progression, he can add, "And that's why I want you -- need you -- at my side as my Fire Lady."

So I think the fans would probably like that.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Why don't you accept questions about certain sensitive topics? You could tag the touchy topics, put the answers under the "Read More" cut, and warn them, so people can avoid them if they don't feel comfortable with the subject matter; it's on them if they chose to read regardless and they get upset as a result.

It's a personal choice, not an audience choice. #1 - I'm the one who isn't comfortable with the subject matter.

#2 - "The subject matter" in question mostly involves subjects that are best handled by experts in fields that deal with those subjects. As I'm not a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker/counselor, etc. and I don't even write about those subjects, I don't feel particularly qualified to answer those questions anyway.

#3 - I'm uncomfortable with the degree to which these topics are exploited by edge lords who include them in stories for drama, shock value, and other bad faith reasons, and I don't want to perpetuate or condone this.

#4 - There is a staggering amount of free, easy to access information on all of these topics available with a quick Google search, not to mention numerous YouTube videos and books as well. I am a firm believer that anyone who wishes to include these topics thoughtfully and respectfully isn't looking for a cheat sheet from a writing blog, but is putting in the time and effort to research the topics on their own.

I apologize if this is an inconvenience. My posts WQA’s Guide to Internet Research and Writing About Difficult to Research Topics can help you with research. ♥

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[pukei-pukei]

Spoiler-Free Wilds Review

I've played through the bulk of Wilds content available at launch and figured I'd share my thoughts on it here. My platform is Steam/PC. TLDR at the bottom!

Gameplay

The fights are great - which is good, considering that's the main point of the game! I can't recall a time I got really frustrated or bored during a hunt; hitboxes were good, movesets were fun (and often visually incredible), and the difficulty felt pretty reasonable. I didn't cart once in Low Rank and I cart rarely in High Rank, but I've been around the block with these games and I know what I'm doing. I can imagine Rey Dau and Arkveld are wiping the floor with new hunters.

I've only used Insect Glaive so far and I quite like this iteration of it. The wound breaking focus attack gets you all three Kinsect essences, which chains very well into the new flashy Super Spin attack that costs all Kinsect essences. I gotta say it feels bizarre to use charge attacks on IG, but I do love the Super Spin. (That's not what it's actually called but it's what I'm calling it.)

The Seikret is very cute and very convenient. Almost too convenient. I've been making an effort to learn the layout of the locales, but you can absolutely just have AutoBird take you everywhere and practically not interact with the environment at all. You gotta change the control scheme to manual though, trying to go anywhere with the default control type feels like trying to tame a wild horse. Horrible.

The Palico is also very good in this entry. Almost too good. From the start of the game they basically have every gadget from World equipped simultaneously, and upgrading to have things like Vigorwasp Revive or a damn mini airship is as easy as hunting one monster or catching a bug. They can even clear status ailments now!

The multiplayer mechanics are, uh... something. Once you're in a quest together it's the same as usual, though wound management can be a hassle sometimes. I need them and my teammates also need them and there's not that many to go around.

However, actually getting in the same session with friends is way more of a hassle than it needs to be. There's like three or four different ways to join each other and none of them are intuitive. Link party? Lobby? Environment link? Huh??? I miss the sessions from World, especially the fact you could just set it so your Steam friends can easily join but no one else can. The ability to add friends in the game is really nice, though, and I love the Online Singleplayer option. Finally! A PAUSE BUTTON!

Environments

The environments are one of the main selling points of the game and they definitely don't fall short. The locales are massive and spectacular with very unique takes on the classic Monster Hunter biomes. (The final locale is even more unique, but that's big spoiler territory.)

The seasons look incredible, but they don't seem to have much of an actual impact on hunts, honestly. They do absolutely have gameplay impacts, but not quite as much as I'd hoped. Mostly tweaks to the kinds of monsters and gathering nodes. Not sure what I'd change about them, though; maybe altering the map a bit for certain seasons, like having certain paths blocked off or opened up depending on the season.

I will say it's bizarre that they kept the tracks system from World, but just show you where every monster is on the map anyway. This entry is supposed to focus on hunting immersion, there's tracks implemented, but they kept the omniscient map from Rise? Huh?? I miss having to actually track stuff instead of the bird just Knowing.

Also you can catch critters but not put them anywhere. Why??

Story

Surprisingly for a MH game, the story is actually decent this time around. Nothing to write home about, this still isn't a story-centric game, but a few moments did hit me hard and I liked a lot of the characters. Its integration into the gameplay was a bit annoying at times with a lot of scripted sequences, but overall I enjoyed it.

The implications are wild(heh) for the series lore as a whole, though; the final boss is one of my new favorite monsters purely because of how monumental it is! If you know, you know. Even if you're not familiar with The Lore the cutscene before the fight is sick as hell. (I'm suspecting we got a Rise situation here where the real HR final boss is coming in a Title Update, though...)

I would die for Nata. He is my son

Technical

Everyone's probably heard of the beta origami monsters by now, and I'm very disappointed to say they remain in the full game. Granted, it's not on every hunt and then it's only for a minute or two before the models load in, but that's just one of a lot of pretty grievous graphical and performance issues.

It's not unplayable (for me) by any means, but there's stupidly long loading times. Even once I'm in a locale, everything (monsters, terrain, NPCs, etc.) often looks like a blurry polygonal mess while everything actually loads in. It can take like thirty seconds to load the map or a conversation with an NPC.

My computer (which is, admittedly, a laptop) is pretty good, I can consistently get 60fps on World with close to max graphics, but this is all happening with Wilds on low settings! Hopefully most of this will get fixed with later patches.

EDIT: I managed to cram the game onto my laptop's SSD and that seems to have fixed a lot of the graphics issues. Haven't played a ton with it on this drive yet but I'm optimistic.

TLDR

Must-play for any series fan, but has way more than its fair share of jank for the price. The story is decent, fights are awesome, and the difficulty is reasonable and fun for LR/HR. Designs for monsters and environments are incredible - when they load properly.

Definitely recommend, but if you're not set on playing it ASAP it's reasonable if you want to wait for performance patches and/or a sale.

[shadowmaat]

Fanfiction is fanfiction

Over on blusky the OTW account shared a link to an opinion piece on a site called the Student Life. Author Grace Kim wrote a piece titled "Embracing Y/N: the merits of fan fiction and fan culture."

I have a strong dislike of "Y/N" type fics, mostly due to the inherent inaccuracy of trying to write in such broad strokes so a reader can feel included and, well, anyway, my opinions aren't really the point.

I don't like the subgenre, but I don't go around telling people it shouldn't exist because that isn't my call. I was, however, curious to see what the author had to say, so I read her editorial.

It wasn't about Y/N at all. Oh, it got a passing mention, but the gist of the piece was a defense of fanfction itself and how it's unfair of people to judge all fanfic based on a few bad examples. It was a pretty boilerplate "not ALL fanfic" type argument encouraging folks to give fic a chance. Which is fine, as far as it goes, but the approach taken is... not one I particularly appreciate or agree with.

She's of the opinion that one of the primary objections to fanfic as a whole is the idea of people "profiting" off the "stolen" ideas of others. I'm honestly too deep in the backwaters to know if this is becoming a central issue. Oh, there are definitely authors trying to get money out of their fans by making them pay for content, but A) I thought they were still outliers rather than the norm and B) I wouldn't have thought that outsiders had that as their main objection.

In this instance, the story is not eligible for profit but could still benefit the author in other ways such as exposure, feedback and practice by being available on publicly-accessible websites. This guarantees the equality of opportunity for writers to get their work out into the world minus the monetary barriers. -Grace Kim

In fact at several points she refers to fanfic as if it's some kind of stepping stone to eventually writing "real" stories and, as she says, "setting [audiences] up with the tools to be successful in academic environments."

That's absolutely alien to my way of thinking. Fanfic is its own unique category of writing and not, IMO, some kind of tool for eventual "success" in academia or professional publishing. For someone who claims to love and support fanfic, Ms. Kim has some odd ideas about the purpose of it.

While I can't speak for others, I write fanfic because I think it's fun and it's what I want to write. It isn't some form of "practice," that I'll eventually graduate from as I move on to "real" original fiction. I've certainly heard that viewpoint bandied about a lot (including, it seems, from Ms. Kim), but boy howdy is that an insulting way to look at things. And it diminishes authors who write fic. This isn't some playpen that folks eventually grow out of; not as a reader and not as a writer. Again, fanfic is its own category of writing and it's just as valid as all the others. If you're writing in defense of fanfic, you should at least understand that much.

In keeping with the author's approach to fanfic being some sort of academic practice, she also says the following:

With fanfiction, there is a close author/reader relationship because most sites provide chat spaces within each chapter to discuss its content. Similar to the process of peer review — which is highly encouraged in academic settings — this allows authors to receive positive validation and constructive criticism while remaining mindful of readers’ concerns. -Grace Kim

No. No, no, no, a thousand million times NO. Maybe even FUCK NO. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT THE POINT of fanfic. Dear merciful gods, people, being able to engage with authors over their fanfics is not any kind of fucking "peer review" and you should NEVER offer """constructive criticism""" unless someone specifically asks for it! Holy cats and all their kittens, Ms. Kim, what is wrong with you?? If you're so supportive of fanfic, why do you keep acting like it's some kind of self-improvement tool? Why do you keep trying to shove the square peg of fanfic into the round hole of academia? Fanfic. Is. Fanfic. It's written, primarily, for escapism. Sometimes people use it to explore themselves or work through their issues and trauma, but that's all the more reason not to offer unsolicited """constructive criticism""" to strangers.

This isn't academia. This isn't any kind of formal setting. Fanfic is inherently informal and no one should ever try and hold it up to professional standards. Yikes! Fanfic is written and provided FOR FREE. Authors are not obligated to listen to or obey any critiques and they sure as fuck shouldn't care about being "mindful of readers' concerns." Hells, that's something even professionally published authors don't need to care about. Don't like the way a story is going? Too fucking bad. It's my story and I'll tell it the way I want.

There's some additionally concerning language about "canon-focused" fanfic posing a "credibility and ethical" issue, but TBH at this point the author's viewpoint and interpretation of fanfic as a category of writing is so questionable that I won't even bother going into it.

You can find Ms. Kim's piece here, and some may find it an interesting read if only for how far off base the author is. It is, of course, her opinion, and opinions can't be wrong. They can be misinformed, though, and I hope the author does more research into the subject to try and understand it better.

Also? As a bit of constructive criticism, when you're putting a title to a piece make sure it's an accurate reflection of its content. In this case that means either discussing Y/N fics in depth, or dropping any mention of them.

[mysteriousmissfsart]

Twisted Wonderland Rambles #11

The halloween update is here!

It has brought us something I was expecting at some point and a complete surprise that makes me so happy I want to cry!

First of all, we have a Nightmare before Christmas themed event, which I expected at some point and I love it. We get to see Jack, Sally and Zero! (From what I could see as I skipped through the chapters this morning) (Do tell me if you've found translations and where I could read them as well!)

I remember being scared of the movie as a kid but as I grew up, I also grew to love these characters and their story. I don't know why I was scared and I haven't watched it since I was a kid and was scared of it. I'm planning on actually watching it now as an adult.

Having this event in the game is a dream come true but one thing I wasn't expecting was to get a character based of off Jack Skellington this early!

Here he is!

Say hello to our new Twisted boy, Skully/Scully J. Graves! (Still unsure of the spelling but we'll find out in due time.)

Isn't he just perfectly imperfect to the point where you just want to squish him into a hug and give him the world- OKAY, I'LL STOP.

Guess how much more perfect he is?

Here:

Do you know the voice actor for this guy?

And this guy?

Yeah, his name is Kappei Yamaguchi and he voices our new boy Skully. (I'll use this spelling, it kinda matches with how Jack's name is spelled)

Suprised, right?

Well, I silently screamed in happiness because I've missed Kaito so much and was blessed with Skully. Kappei Yamaguchi uses the same voice he does for Kaito which suits Skully surprisingly well. It feels like he'll be an extravagant and goofy guy which reminds me a lot of Kaito's personality. I love them both!

I literally had my mom and my siblings listen to him speak and tell me if they recognized his voice and my mom recognized the voice! This is the best thing ever!(My mom loves Detective Conan and a lot of other anime series) I am planning on saving up for when he's available but I'm currently saving for Malleus's birthday card-

Anyway,

Here are some more screenshots from the first few chapters!

Malleus looks so good!!!! I really wanted him to have an SSR because I want to see him with art of Jack Skellington. But hey, it works out in my favor. It's a lot easier for me to stop myself from spending my keys and diamonds until his birthday banner.

Next!

Here he is! The star of the show and one of my fave Disney characters! (Even though I haven't watched the movie since my irrational bout of fear as I said earlier) He looks awesome!

Next!

Look at Zero! He's so cute!!!!!! I did see him chasing Grim around LOL. They'll get along eventually!!

Sadly I didn't have the time to screenshot Sally but I'll do it later and upload some more screenshots. I've also just realized that I didn't crop out the phone screen thingy that appears at the bottom of the screen, ugh. Sorry about that! I'll just have to leave it as is. I might come back and fix it later.

One last screenshot!

Skully J. Graves and Jack Skellington standing side by side. What an awesome sight! No, like, really, I love this. It just looks awesome and it's crazy that I get to see this with my own eyes.

Can someone tell me what that thing on Skully's head is? Is that a headbeand? If it is, that's a sick headbeand and I want one.

Also, I'm curious as to why he's wearing sunglasses? Could it be that his eyes are sensetive to light or maybe he's hiding them for some reason???? I'm really curious about that and whether we'll find out about that . I hope he takes the glasses off at some point.

Anyway,

This is what I wanted to share currently and I'm curious about what you think and if you have any theories about how this event will turn out!

Can't wait to hear what you think!

[theroguescientist]

Polish scientist watches Orb: Episode 10

Sorry for not posting these for a while. I went on a trip for a few days after watching this episode and was too busy to edit the post, let alone watch the next episode. Anyway,

Okay, so it seems like some time has passed. Oczy seems to be living in a little shed in the middle of nowhere. And learning to read.

"If the written word were available to everyone, unreliable information would flood the world" I wish he was wrong, really I do. Like, don't get me wrong. Teaching everyone to read and write is totally worth it. But we do, in fact, live in a world flooded by unreliable information. And, even though on the internet anyone can write anything, some people will still believe anything just because it's written down. (And also in the wonderful world of 2025 AD, you can spread misinformation worldwide even without any reading or writing involved. Isn't technology amazing?)

Okay, I understand how Oczy feels, but writing a diary under these circumstances is a serious risk. You're basically writing down your crimes here. You know what happens if the wrong person reads this, right?

"Rainbows are God's way of congratulating us for withstanding the rain" That's weirdly adorable. Like, I get the reference to the flood story and all, but it's just cute.

The lecture about rainbows reminds me of the time a guy at a conference tried to fit an hour long lecture into 20 minutes by talking three times as fast. I doubt anyone in the room understood much of that talk. Slow down, dude. Don't forget to breathe.

Okay, so that's the theme for the episode. Badeni doesn't like to share knowledge. He tries to add an ideology to it, but it seems his actual reasons are mostly personal.

And it's an interesting choice to have a main character who says stuff like that in a show like this. This guy studies the universe and wants to know the truth, but he wants it only for himself and insists that other people can't be trusted with it.

I guess he can use this as a defense if the inquisition gets him. After all (at least that's how it was with such institutions in the real world), their main goal is to stop "dangerous" ideas from propagating. Some guy figuring stuff out and then immediately burning his notes is not a threat. (Which is probably what will eventually convince Badeni to share his research with others. He seems like the kind of guy who takes "you're not a threat" as an insult)

Aw, Grabowski seems like a nice guy (No, I will not be surprised if he does something horribly misguided that results in someone getting tortured by the inquisition, but he seems like he's genuinely trying to be a good person).

Oooh, more backstory. I see. Badeni shared his research with someone and regretted it, and this might be part of why he's Like This. And he allegedly killed someone over this. Of course, he'd hate to admit he was wrong.

Huh. The world sucks, truth is necessary to change the world, and yet, you insist that sharing the truth would be somehow wrong? Am I stupid or is there a contradiction here? And Grabowski seems to agree with me.

Woah, Badeni figured out elliptical orbits?! (In the real world this was figured out quite some time after the main idea of heliocentrism)

"I really don't understand peasants" Lol, indeed you don't. There is only one thing you seem incapable of understanding: normal people.

Meanwhile Oczy is just… a decent guy trying to improve himself. I don't think he even cares about going to heaven anymore. When we first met him, it was his only hope, but now I get the impression that it's not even his main reason for sharing his bread with the poor. Aww…

Huh? What do you want from that beggar? Well, whatever it is, now you see that kindness can pay off sometimes :)

"It's not like I'm giving you more bread because I like you or anything!" :P

And then we get a bit of the other perspective. The Church unites people. That is, arguably, its main purpose irl. And it's a good thing, actually, creating community. But what's the cost? If only the ignorant will follow you, is it worth it to keep the masses ignorant? (Badeni seems to think it is, even as he perfects his heretical theory, which is, honestly, fascinating to me.) The Church unites people. But sometimes it's easier to keep people united against an enemy, and sometimes that enemy is the truth.

And here's Mr Nowak again. I expect at least some part of the next episode to be about how he actually thinks the bishop's lecture was like 99% bullshit, but still finds some other reason to do what he does.

Also, what's that book Grabowski found? Who's leaving books just lying on the ground in the garden?

[changingplumbob]

🍒📎 send this to the blogs that feel like inside jokes, shared snacks, and quiet comfort. the cozy corner of your dash. 💌 grateful to orbit this little galaxy with you 💫

Lots of Love, Kirsty! You're one of the people around here I'm always excited to hear from and talk to <3

How very dare you Kinha! I was gearing up to forward my first ask that I was committing to in months to inboxes including yours and you bet me to it!!!

You leave me no choice, I must reveal how much work you put in to the villa, it's your own fault for provoking me.

In this story CP shall stand for me, changing plumbob. PS shall stand for Kinha, paracosmic-sims. These are not direct quotes, merely my memories, some of which may be incorrect, out of order or complete fabrications of my fatigued mind.

Many months ago...

CP: Ugh I need to build this villa. I suck at building, I shall look at pinterest

PS: Why don't you just look on the gallery

CP: *is stubborn* NO. I have a specific part of the villa in my mind that I need to recreate

Specifically it was that the kitchen/dining had to be on a platform higher than the lounge but where you could still see in to the lounge clearly.

Some months ago...

CP: It is DONE! Finished, complete, Shay approved

PS: But maybe you could put a plant north southwest and perpendicular to the acute angle of the patio furniture

CP: ....

PS: ....

CP: Yeah so I'm terrible at geography, can I just send you the file since you're a master builder and you could give it a polish?

PS: *picks up the ceremonial cursor* I shall do it for simblr

Months ago...

PS: Is it okay to put a covering on the patio

CP: Sure but why?

PS: If you are drinking outside in the sun the ground gets hot and is uncomfy to step on and your drink will get warm if there is no shade

CP: 🤯 Is this one of those facts normal people are meant to know?

...

PS: I'm thinking sunken lounge so you can see the area you made beside the platform

CP: Sounds sensible

PS: With a fire pit

CP: It's summer in Tartosa

PS: #aesthetic

...

CP: *tying to cover my bases* So the bathrooms are awful because that DIY shower actually has higher stats than the basic one, I don't need them pretty

PS: *makes them pretty anyway* Do you need the back yard to be empty

CP: Well I suppose I could send them off lot for the challenge, that would leave that last room empty to

PS: *makes gorgeous backyard and confessional/meeting backdrop inside*

...

PS: Do you need the villa now

CP: The intro's won't be there so no, why?

PS: I'm having Apolline upgrade everything so it won't break or be dirty

CP: 😍

....

PS: We have a problem... the lot won't load. I'm getting infinite loading screen

CP: *panics* But you were building in it yesterday. Is it because I have the bug life mod that spawns bugs?

PS: Maybe. It must be a piece of the cc

CP: *says a prayer* Please don't let the dire chinchilla art be corrupted

I can't remember what it actually was that was causing the issue but I do think it was cc of some kind that was easily replaced

December/January...

PS: All uploaded! Enjoy

CP: Thank you so much and... wait... sfs isn't letting me download it

PS: uh oh, let me try reuploading (repeated x5)

CP: Crazy idea, upload it without the cc and tell me where to get the cc you added

PS: Done! You will need this this and these tiles

CP: SFS doesn't want to give me the tiles 😭

I eventually just put random tiles in the kitchen because I couldn't download the correct ones.

...

CP: there's a pile of trash on the patio?

PS: APOLLINE!!!

February...

CP: Ugh, the sink in Deanna's ensuite broke

PS: Apolline must have missed that one

...

CP: I have bad news *sends picture showing that all upgrades are available on everything*

PS: They didn't transfer??? But everything transfers

CP: 😭 not upgrades apparently, they shall have to live in the dirt/broken plumbing

And that is the abridged version of how she renovated the villa and we both lost ten years of our lives. If you got this far you deserve to know that this picture of squeamish Apolline autonomously cleaning dishes missed the cut for final post, but she was making up for that left behind trash!

All the love and hugs back to you @paracosmic-sims 💞🫂💗

[thelazyhermits]

Found myself wanting to talk about my Yuu's friendship with Trey, so I'll do that underneath the cut.

For the record, I honestly can't remember what all I have and haven't said about the Yuu & Trey relationship, so I'm just gonna make this is a post that provides the most up-to-date info on them since I am prone to changing my mind about little things here and there on occasion lol

One thing I do know that I've said in the past is that Trey acts like a big brother figure to Yuu and treats her kindly as a result. He really dotes on her, much like how he does with Riddle.

His favoritism is really obvious to everyone except Yuu who just thinks Trey is being nice cause she gets along well with Riddle and is one of the few people that tries to help Trey out and never adds onto his always busy workload.

While Yuu isn't exactly wrong, there's a lot more to Trey's favorable treatment of her, which I can't remember if I've discussed in detail in the past, so I'll just do that here.

At the beginning of the school year, Trey had every intention to treat Yuu like he does all the other first years, although he, of course, wanted to a gentleman to the best of his ability since that's just how he was raised, even though, according to his 2024 Halloween SR vignette, the poor guy is actually awkward around girls, at least older ones anyway, cause he has zero experience with them 😂

As a result, there is some awkwardness between these two at times, but thankfully, Trey is never as bad as Deuce used to be. That's because he mentally just started treating Yuu like he does his little sister in order to avoid that awkwardness and cause being a big bro just comes naturally to him.

Despite this, Trey still wanted to avoid treating Yuu too differently from everyone else back when he hadn't been particularly attached to her, but all his efforts were for naught.

Because she just reminded him too much of Riddle - to the point he couldn't ignore her.

As shown in this drabble, Trey learns early on that Yuu had a past that was similar to Riddle's, but he still intended to not give her any special treatment since Trey doesn't strike me as the type who gets easily attached/friendly with people.

(Despite how my writing may imply otherwise, I don't consider Trey to be the dad/mom/big bro of Heartslabyul who's always willingly looking out for people cause he's a genuinely nice guy, like how he's often portrayed in fanon.

Because Trey is just as sly as all the other NRC boys. He can be as petty/vindictive as the others if he gets irritated enough.

And he doesn't do all the work around the dorm simply cause he wants to. He does it to keep the peace cause the dude just wants a calm, normal school life and keeping Riddle happy is crucial to ensure that happens lol

However, that said, I do think, once you've earned Trey's respect/friendship, he would look after you like he does Riddle since their relationship tells us that Trey takes care of the people who truly matter to him.

That's why Trey is always warm/friendly toward Yuu in my fics cause, by that point in the timeline, they're friends, and he genuinely cares about her well-being.)

However, Trey's plans go out the window when the events of Book 2 happen cause Yuu prevents his canon injury and takes his pain as a result, which Trey really didn't take well cause he did not like the idea of Yuu suffering pain meant for him. It made him feel really guilty even though he did nothing wrong.

As a result, Trey really fussed over Yuu when she came to stay at his dorm following her injury cause Riddle had refused to allow her to return to her dorm cause he felt it was his dorm's responsibility to take care of her since she was in pain cause of him/Trey.

Trey volunteered his room for Yuu to use since there weren't any free ones available due to Heartslabyul dorm being the one dorm that's at full capacity, and Riddle was willing to share his room with Trey.

Anyway, Trey spent a lot of time with Yuu during this period of time since he felt it was his responsibility to look after her, and because of this, things really started to change because Trey started learning more about Yuu.

During this time, Trey realizes how difficult it is for Yuu to rely on others, and that it's not cause she's prideful or anything like that. She's just so accustomed to not having someone to rely on - someone she can trust - that it's just her nature to try to do everything on her own regardless of the kind of condition she's in.

That's why living at Heartslabyul is a rough adjustment for Yuu at first since Trey and the others are willing to do everything for her so she won't have to move her "injured" ankle.

Plus, Riddle has completely taken over the investigation that Crowley assigned to Yuu, so she won't have to do anything but focus on her recovery, which also takes some time for her to accept since she feels that's her job to do and it makes her feel guilty/useless that she can't complete the job assigned to her and has to be helped.

The more Trey observes Yuu and sees how hard it is for her to rely on others/how hard she is on herself/how prone she is to apologizing even when she hasn’t done anything wrong, the more uncomfortable he feels because all he can think about is what he knows about her past.

And he's really not liking the mental image that's forming as the puzzle pieces slowly come together.

However, what really hits him like a sucker punch is the one time when he had reached out to her to ruffle her hair, and Yuu, who hadn't realized what he was doing and wasn't paying attention at the time, flinched.

It was an unconcsious action on Yuu's part since, at that point in time, her body was just so accustomed to bad things happening whenever people reached out to her.

In that moment, the breath left Trey's lungs in an instant, and his blood turned to ice.

Because he knew exactly what that kind of unconscious action implied.

Even though Riddle was never physically abused, I still can see Trey being able to recognize those signs. I feel like what happened with Riddle when they were kids would lead to Trey doing some research on the subject of child abuse, perhaps because he thought it would in some way help.

Or perhaps a documentary or something along those lines about that topic came on TV one day and Trey, filled with thoughts of Riddle, couldn't bring himself to turn the channel.

This is how Trey Clover became one of he first people to realize Yuu had an abusive upbringing.

Fortunately for Yuu, Trey isn't the type to stick his nose where it doesn't belong, so he never tries to question her about her past. He never brings up the topic at all, so Yuu doesn't even know that Trey has figured out she was physically abused back in her world.

Because Yuu is from another world, meaning there's no one to report to the authorities cause her abuser is obviously back in her world, Trey knows that she's no longer in danger, which is why he doesn't try to tell anyone about this discovery or try to get Yuu to talk to him about her past.

Even though Trey feels that he shouldn't get involved since he doesn't want to risk causing trouble for Yuu by doing/saying something he shouldn't, Trey just can't ignore her now that he knows what kind of past she has.

But it's not out of pity. I just think that, after he "failed" Riddle when they were kids, Trey has the kind of mentality where, if he were to find himself in another similar situation, he'd be unable to ignore it cause he'd want to succeed and help the person, like he couldn't do in the past, especially if that person is someone he has begun to care about.

Trey just can't leave Yuu alone; his inner demons won't let him.

As a result, from that point on, Trey does his best to look out for Yuu, and he tries to be subtle about it and mostly fails since Trey really isn't good at being subtle when it comes to doting lol

It's because of Trey's decision to look out for Yuu that this relationship eventually turns into a close friendship cause, as time passed, Trey steadily grew fonder of Yuu the more time he spent with her, resulting in him becoming the big bro figure he is in my fics.

It was never Trey's intention for things to turn out like this, but Yuu completely won him over with all the compliments she gave his baking/cooking, her efforts to help him around his dorm, her growing friendship with Riddle, etc.

Amusingly enough, what also was a big factor in this development is that Yuu is one of the few people who doesn't try to ask Trey for help/favors or put work on his shoulders. On the contrary, she always tries to avoid doing anything that she thinks would be a bother to him.

The more Yuu would resist Trey's attempts to dote on her, which were essentially Trey's way of thanking her for her efforts, the more Trey wanted to dote on her and get her to willingly accept it lol

I just think it'd be funny if Trey's the type who would take this sorta thing as a challenge since normally he always gets his way when he implements his doting techniques, so he can't just allow himself to continue to be rebuffed.

Also, Trey just can't ignore the voice in his head that wonders if Yuu has anyone to rely on. Does she really think she needs to handle everything alone - that she doesn't deserve to be helped or receive positive attention?

It becomes like a personal mission of sorts for Trey, and because he's very good at what he does, he's able to eventually bring Yuu's walls down and get her to rely on him. It takes time, of course, but Trey is nothing if not patient.

That's how Trey becomes one of the upperclassmen whom Yuu feels the most comfortable relying on and why Yuu doesn't mind being doted on by him.

Because of his efforts, Yuu has a high opinion of Trey and a lot of respect for him since he's always working so hard to keep the peace at his dorm and does so much to keep everything working smoothly.

She also thinks he's very kind since he's always looking out for her and is always soft toward her during their interactions.

Now, that's not to say that Yuu doesn't know there's more to Trey than the sweet big bro persona he adopted when dealing with her since she knows full well that he's not someone to mess with.

That's why she considers him to be the dark horse of Heartslabyul - the most dangerous guy and someone she never wants to piss off cause she knows how cunning he can be and that he's a force to be reckoned with if you get on his bad side.

It's something she has learned from observation since he has never gotten mad at her, like he has at the members of his dorm lol

Yuu is completely oblivious to the fact that it would take a lot for Trey to ever get that mad at her cause he's developed a soft spot for her. She really has no idea about the kind of power she holds by being someone both Trey and Riddle are fond of, which Cater points out a lot haha

Anyway, Yuu & Trey end up developing a good, strong friendship during the course of the school year. It's why they both become so comfortable around each other and why it's easy for them to relax when they're alone together.

And they both really need that kind of relationship in their lives since those two are always hard at work & have busy/stressful schedules, so it's good for them to have those moments, such as when they bake together, when they can de-stress.

I just really love this relationship since Yuu & Trey are pretty similar in that they're good at keeping the peace, they always end up with a lot on their plates, and the fact that the way they act can lead to people incorrectly assuming they're too kind for their own good/are pushovers.

They're both also similar in that they're both really scary when they're pissed lol 😂

I just think this dynamic is a lot of fun cause of those similarities and cause I'm just a sucker for doting big bro figures 💕