#at which I get feelings of “If it isn't available anyway why not share it?”

[waterlinkedgirl]

Good evening Water! I've been meaning to ask this for a while, I was wondering if you'd care to explain what exactly is toumyu hanakoyomi? I've seen some info about it but since it's apparently fanclub exclusive there isn't much about it online.

Good evening dear anon! :D

Toumyu Honmaru Hanakoyomi is a monthly audio drama (15 ish minutes each) that releases on the toumyu premium fanclub. They each feature 4-6 swords, and are each themed around a flower, which ranges from Ookanehira picking a fight with quinces in winter to Urashima settling on irises when looking for a flower to decorate the tea table for the tea ceremony he's organising for his bros.

There will be 12 Hanakoyomi episodes total, and it's likely they'll have a CD release after they've all been released. However, for now, you can only listen to this month's Hanakoyomi episode on the fanclub website, which means some patience is likely to be needed if you want to listen to the last 6. But on the plus side, membership only costs 330 yen a month and when asked for an address, you can just put a hotel or the likes! (it's what I did lol) Imo, they're totally worth the subscription, even if you can't benefit from the other perks the fanclub subscription might give you, like access to ticket lotteries.

I'm also considering putting tls for them on my tumblr here, but it also feels like a bit of a gray zone, as while for myus you need both audio and visuals to enjoy it, for audio dramas you only really lose out on the sounds. I'm afraid people would be satisfied with just the tl and not seek out the actual CD when it becomes available ^^;

[sim-berry]

I'm Tired.

I totally get why many simblrs don't want to name and shame and want to avoid drama, but I'm not one of those simblrs. If I see some bs I'm going to call it out. I only have a few followers (who are lovely and sweet) anyway, so it's not like I'll get a crusade against me. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do, because I'm pissed right now.

I know I don't have a big blog so it's unlikely many will see this, but if you do, please reblog it. Spread the word about creators who have stolen content so that people can stop downloading their cc and supporting them.

One of my favorite creators, Toys of Dukeness, has just deleted all their poses from Patreon and stated that they are leaving the Sims community. Their poses have been STOLEN by other "creators" who have locked them behind paywalls. Keep in mind Toys gives their poses out FOR FREE and they've been STOLEN and put behind paywalls! They're making money off of shit that isn't even theirs! How disgusting is that?? And now they don't even feel welcome in the community that they've given so much to.

And it's funny because I just saw a post from the amazing @simmireen (who makes many of my favorite poses) calling out THE SAME CREATOR for stealing their poses!! Simmireen's poses are stunning and she is kind enough to give them out for free, and she's had her hard work ripped off by an early access paywaller. The same one who drove Toys out of this community: simsulani.

This is a screenshot taken from Toys of Dukeness's post (read the whole thing here) that specifically calls out two of the thieves:

If this keeps happening, more of our wonderful cc creators are going to leave simblr. And I don't blame them one bit. Why put hours, sometimes days, of work into creating content when it's just going to be stolen and profited off of by someone else?

And when those creators do eventually leave, do you know what we'll be left with? Scummy perma-paywallers and early access creators who use minority groups to make money. (As a member of the LGBT I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of seeing "Pride Month Collection- Available to the public on June 30th🥰")

We can't let that happen. We need to support and show love to the creators who allow us to have beautiful cc and amazing poses in our games. I can tell you right now my stories would be nothing without simmireen's and Toys' poses. And they aren't the only creators who have had their cc stolen. We're on here about AI stealing art all the time (which is a totally valid argument, don't get me wrong), meanwhile actual humans, fellow simmers, are stealing content right under our noses, right this moment.

I am TIRED of this. Our content creators are being driven off this site and out of the community entirely because their work is being stolen. Storytellers, including myself, have also had their storylines stolen. I once saw someone take my entire NSB Gen 2 storyline, with even the quotes being copied and pasted! If you don't have creativity, then don't make content, that's okay. What's not okay is STEALING from people who have worked hard on their craft, ESPECIALLY if you're making money off of the stuff you stole.

Again, please reblog if you can. And feel free to share some REPUTABLE creators so simmers know who to download from rather than the thieves. They're the ones who need to be driven out, not the hardworking creators. And anyone who is afraid to vent about this on main can come into my anon and rant all they want. We as a community need to stop this.

-Coco xoxo

[k-aay]

WHAT... MY GIRL?

synopsis :: when their friend confesses to liking a certain someone that they are very familiar with. but they cannot do anything since they're supposed to keep the relationship a secret. and it's someone they'll never let go no matter how close they are. so what do they do in that situation? featuring :: gojo, geto, nanami, choso, toji, sukuna (part 1/2)

☆ GOJO

As he walks over to his friend through the crowded party, he notices him staring intently somewhere. Being the nosy little brat he is, he decides to search where his eyes meet. So he traces it through his eyes, finding the "entertaining" sight his best friend has his eyes on. To his surprise, he didn't like where this was going. He was admiring you as you talked with other people, of course Gojo couldn't blame him for staring at you like that. But, he had to be sure before he did anything stupid.

"What's so interesting?" he questions, tracing his fingers over the rim of the red, plastic cup. His sudden question snaps his friend out from dazing off in you. "Oh- uh." He sighs, taking a moment to think before speaking. "I shouldn't be telling you this," Geto begins. Gojo's heart started beating faster, feeling nothing but nervousness was over him. "You know y/n, right?" Then, he feels his heart shatter. You walk towards the table with all the drinks where they were, causing the two of them to go more silent. "...Yeah?" he answers. "I think I like h-"

"Stop." You hear the sudden seriousness in your boyfriend's tone, causing you to wonder what the two of them were talking about. "What?" Geto was confused at the quick mood-switch in his best friend. "I shouldn't be telling you this but y/n and I are together." You flinch at the confession he made loudly to his best friend. He knew what he was doing and knew that he was going to get an earful from you later on.

But when it came to the idea of someone-even his best friend-being with you, he couldn't help it. "She's off-limits."

☆ GETO

For him, it was normal for his best friend to be with a different girl each week. Geto knew that he would never take any of them seriously and would end their relationship once he felt bored. Which was very often. So when he saw him attempting (key word: attempting) to flirt with his new target, he thought that it was nothing out of the ordinary. Until he noticed the beautiful and memorable figure he could never forget, the one of his own girlfriend.

It killed him that he couldn't just punch Gojo in the face for even thinking about you in that way. It wasn't just the fact that you were already taken by him, but the fact that even if you weren't, Gojo would get bored of you after a week and toss you to the curb like all the other women he played. And to Geto, you weren't just some random source for his best friend to get entertained by. You were his girlfriend. He walks up to the two of you, not even planning on the move he's going to make once he reaches you.

"Hey, what are we talking about here?" he interrupts Gojo from telling the same story he told all the other girls he's flirted with. You could see the irritation in his eyes and how his fists were clenched, physically restraining himself from making a scene. As Gojo continued blabbering, Geto wrapped his arm around your waist. "That's great, man. But you're going to have to find someone else, y/n over here isn't available right now."

"Why are you acting like this so suddenly, Suguru?" he smirks, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Because this is my girlfriend that you're flirting with right now. Fuck off."

☆ NANAMI

Nanami isn't one for getting into unreasonable trouble unless, in his opinion, the situation absolutely calls for it. He's not one to stoop so low to be jealous. He had no reason to. That was until his friend walked up to him, looking all giddy. He rolled his eyes, knowing it was going to be something stupid. But he let him share his thoughts anyways. "What?" Nanami questioned. "Hmm? Nothing," Ino spoke. "Okay," the man spoke flatly, not having the energy to pursue this further.

"Fine, I'll tell you." The shade of pink painted Ino's cheeks as he was smiling uncontrollably. It felt like he was a middle-schooler confessing to his crush. "You know that one girl," he begins. "You're going to have to be more specific. There are many women on this planet." Ino rolls his eyes, "y/n. She's so pretty!" This is when the situation called for "unreasonable trouble." He didn't know what to say, many thoughts rushed to his brain as he thought of the best response.

"I heard she had a boyfriend," he says. The sparkle in Ino's eyes flashed away. "Really!?" he yells. "Who? How do you know? Who told you?" Nanami knew he dug the hole deeper when the mountain of questions were spat at him. "Umm. I'm not sure who her boyfriend is and I heard it from one of her friends." Ino took a moment to think before he shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe her friend is lying to you. I'll just ask y/n myself."

"No!" Nanami yells suddenly. Even he was taken aback from his sudden reaction. "Damn, are you okay?" Ino flinches. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm not sure it's a good idea to ask her though." He fixes the positioning of his glasses. "Why not?" Nanami's cheeks started turning a suspicious shade of pink. "She's... in a relationship. With me. So don't ask her out."

[echo-has-queries]

How do you deal with the disappointment if your art doesn't get the recognition you feel it deserves?

The wip i haven't published yet, hasn't gotten any comment at all 😥

I knooow! It's haaarrrddd :'/ I have this REALLY good fic that's gotten zero comments and I'm pretty sure that's JUST because I haven't written it yet!?! Rude.

BUT--

There are some easy steps you can follow.

Step 0: Obtain Enlightenment

The enlightened writer knows that popularity does NOT equal quality. Your work may not be recognised for any number of reasons, TONS of which have nothing to do with how good your story is. Your story may never reach the right audience and that is sad but unavoidable. Therefore you must always make sure that YOU are in your audience - write for yourself first and foremost and you will always have at least one fan.

On that note: enlightenment also means kicking that inner critic at least a little bit to make room for said inner fan. They deserve some elbow space too! If your inner fan isn't very developed, outer special fan (close friend or online fandom friend) works too, but unfortunately that is not always available so yeah. Work on emboldening that inner fan and become an enlightened writer. I believe in you.

Step 1: Post

Yeah, I know. But you gotta. And I hate to have to tell you this but sometimes you might have to gotta when you don't quite feel like it's "ready" yet. If the editing is just going in circles or not moving at all and you're just not quite satisfied yet -- I don't care. You gotta post that thang.

Posting isn't necessarily about getting something to the public -- it's simply to have posted it. To be done. To release what you have created to the world and free it from your synapses. Otherwise it'll be sad -- it's so cramped in there. You have to let it out. It bites if you keep it in for too long.

Recognise that even getting so far as posting makes you so brave and awesome. You did it! You posted your thang! You WROTE a thang! Most people never do and you did. That is awesome.

Step 2: Patience

You are at this point of course an enlightened writer, so you know chances are your fic just isn't being found, isn't reaching the people it might matter to. Give it time. Other things besides time that may help:

Posting and participating in memes and events that are relevant to your story.

Posting about your story on other platforms.

Finding communities in relevant fandoms and sharing your story with other people there.

More probably, I don't actually have that much experience here, sorry.

Now remember I said might help. Unfortunately, there is never a guarantee.

Step 3: Profit

Look, I can't promise you'll get kudos. I can't promise you'll get comments. You might. And when you do, you get to celebrate that shit! It's a great feeling and easy to get addicted to, easy to miss and want to chase. Creating is hard. Putting yourself out there is hard. That's why Step 0 is so important. You gotta do it for the love of the game.

You gotta be doing it for the love of the game.

You deal with the disappointment by seeing your own work, your own worth and knowing it is good, no matter what other people might think. Being recognised feels good and not getting recognised can be disheartening, but I hope that's not why you're writing. I hope you write because you want to. Because you need to. And once you're doing that, once you keep doing that, recognition will come -- be it from someone seeing you, or simply you seeing yourself.

Anyway, hope that helps :)

[estellardreams]

Hehe welp back onto the "Sharing a room" bit I think I can make this work-

Granted the sitcom format starts going down in between all of the pain and misery and suffering- I'm getting ahead of myself OKAY!

I think that although all of them don't like it, Wukong personally would not want to sleep anywhere near Macaque... And the lesser of two evils seems much better. Red only chose the middle one to stop the constant arguing and forced cuddling cause he absolutely HATED that and hated how every single time the shadow monkey tried to initiate it reminded him of King Red. And he HATES King Red so no surprise there. Which left the only other bed available to Macaque... Simple.

Sleep positions feel all over the place, too. Do you think that once Red gets ahold of a plush he starts hugging it in his sleep cause I think he would do that out of instinct okay-

Wukong just... Loses half of his blanket to the floor he moves around so much. That is not his bed it's for the next two years sadly why is it so UNCOMFORTABLE why isn't it like his home back at flower fruit mountain like a silky hammock or plush mattress it's way too FIRM-

Red probably sleeps just fine on a more firm mattress. He doesn't sleep on beds too often mostly at his desk tbh but when he does that mattress needs to support him not sink him in. But sometimes the insomnia kicks in and it's nearly impossible for him to fall asleep... That is until Wukong finally helped him get a small plush a way to rebel against the King's image: A cutesy pony doll. Sure it's made out of hair but what can you do in this situation?

Macaque CANONICALLY SLEEPS ON TREES. He's more monkey than the Monkey King for crying out loud! So of course a stiff bed isn't going to be much of a problem. The new issue is that he's not used to having so much ROOM on a mattress it feels like you're sleeping on concrete now why is it like that and not slightly itchy bark why-

*ahem* anyway. Silly rambles aside I'm sure everyone's having a great time, right? /sarcastic

[DKR and TT Red belong to @purble-turble]

Original bedroom model I made:

Seperated images + no blanket transparent (for poses) below cut:

[loopy777]

Heya Loopy!

So, since I'm fresh off of reading For Better and For Worse (OMG, how do you manage it everytime?! I'm sucker for when Zuko gets to hear Mai's grievances and insecurities except she wouldn't actually come out and tell him and your plots always serve the characters so well—!)

Anyways! I find characterisation in your fics more in line with the show than the comics so I have to ask: if you were to write avatar comics, what direction would you have taken with Mai and Zuko. You talked about Mai and Tom-Tom on the server so I know about that, so other than that.

Well, something I do like from the early comics is the immediate focus on the matter of the colonies. (That is also the only thing I liked about it.) And rather than going with the idea of having the gAang implement some dumb policy on a whim that goes on for a whole year before blowing up on them, especially when nothing in the main plot needs a year-long gap except for Zuko apparently not having been able to sleep for 365 consecutive nights and so having the decision-making capabilities of a mushroom, I'd rather have them immediately get started on the issue of what to do with the colonies use it as a long-term plotline.

And with Zuko busy trying to pacify a nation that yesterday was running from Azula worshiping at Ozai's feet (and he's getting enough sleep to remember what the word "delegate" means), he appoints someone as his representative and negotiator who is well-educated, cool under pressure, absolutely loyal, and dangerous enough to not need protection in case of riots. Which is good, because somehow this political plotline is going to involve a lot of magic kung fu fights.

So yeah, that's my concept. On the discord, we've noted that Mai never really got a chance to do a Redemption storyline for her part in the Fire Nation's imperialist agenda, so I like the idea of having the daughter of the guy who conquered Omashu helping to transfer the colonies out of Fire Nation control. Depending on the needs of each individual story (I like self-contained one-shots that slowly progress an overarching plot), we can shuffle her back and forth between the Fire Nation and the colonies, so she can see plenty of Zuko and interact with him for the Maiko fans, but then not be present when we don't want her around to keep him smart. I also like the idea of having Sokka being her counterpart from the Water Tribe for the colonies issue, so this gives me a chance to build a friendship between them, as well as Suki when she's available to guard her boyfriend.

Assuming LoK is still setting the agenda with the colonies becoming a 'United Republic' which is really just a single city and the resource-rich land around it, owned and operated as a shared colony by the four nations. I've always liked to shade this in my fanfics as a failure by the gAang, that they couldn't find a solution which would do right by the people of the colonies. So, unfortunately, this is going to partially be Mai's failure at the culmination of the big colonies plot. (It's Sokka's fault, too, so it's okay.) But I think we can cast it as the completion of her redemption arc, that when she fails to get the colonies proper self-governance, she actually sheds tears and rants to Zuko. And he points out that while she might feel terrible about it, she can at least be sure she did her absolute best.

And when she asks how he can be so sure, he says, "Well, because I know you. And I can see, right now, in your tears, how much you care."

And if we really want to get sappy and Avatar Studios isn't nixing anything that smells of character progression, he can add, "And that's why I want you -- need you -- at my side as my Fire Lady."

So I think the fans would probably like that.

[annakie]

I Tripped and Took A Dive Into Another Life

*Edit* OK here's the thing y'all... I've been meaning to make this post since about... April. I swore to myself that I'd make it before the end of the year so, it's December 31st now.

I've been working on it a few days and... it's about half done. I've been working on it most of the afternoon and I want to go do other things.

I'll finish it in a second part, in a day or two.

It's already really, really long. And I am happy to take questions if you have them, either in comments here or in messages! I'll answer those in the part two. :)

The song the title came from is "Medication" by David Wimbish & the Collection and it felt apropos for this post anyway.

One last thing, I'm fine with you sharing links to this post with individuals but reblogs are turned off because there are people with Strong Opinions on this topic and I'm here to talk about MY experience. Thanks!

----

So, as anyone who has paid even a little attention to things I've posted this year is well aware of, I had a really big transformation this year, in a pretty extensive home renovation both inside and out.

If somehow you missed it, or missed part of it, the saga starts here, and I have gone back and added the table of contents to every post for easy navigation. In case you need a novel to read today.

But here's the thing... the house was really just the second biggest transformation in my life this year.

There's been another saga I've been going through this entire year that I've hinted at a little but haven't posted about online (at least not on any social media associated with the name Annakie) that I'll still be on for a good long while, but I'm well, well into.

Throughout this year, I have lost, as of this morning, 124.6 pounds.

I still have around 75.4 to go until I'm where I'd love to be, but I've come a really long way and it's been, honestly, just an incredible year.

I'd like to talk about it in depth, what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I 100% get that reading a post like this isn't for everyone but I have a lot of thoughts I wanted to get down somewhere and maybe reading this will be impactful to someone.

If you are triggered by weight loss, medication, or discussion of size in any way, I would not recommend reading this post. Otherwise...

I am 49 years old and have been fat my entire life.

I was a chubby child. I didn't eat much differently than my friends and brother, I ran and played as much as the other kids, but I was still chubby. I played softball throughout late elementary school and all of junior high. (Surprise! I was the catcher, the position all the stocky kids got.)

My mom struggled with her weight, too, though she always kept it pretty well under control with help from like, Weight Watchers or other programs, but my dad was always naturally skinny.

In high school I did Weight Watchers for a couple of years and Jenny Craig for a couple more, both with my mom (who has always loved me no matter what, but wanted me to be happy when I was not with my weight.) Again, I didn't feel like I ate much different than my friends. I was involved in a ton of extracurricular activities, I took tennis class as my PE credits, and managed the JV and Varsity Basketball and Softball teams, which still took a lot of physical activity.

I was still, while maybe not fat fat, chubby and big enough to get teased by the cruelest kids.

In college, I took weightlifting classes for a couple of years for me PE elective, I was again involved in a lot of activities, but I ate worse, for sure. It was a lot harder to eat well with school cafeteria food or just grabbing whatever was available most of the time, between studies and the like, six clubs I was in I rarely went home. I could have done better, but I also was doing what everyone else was doing.

Hey, I also was on Fen-Phen for a short time in college! Not long enough to actually do damage, I asked.

I was wearing an XL when I was a senior in High School, and in college I was wearing 18/20s. I know this because I still have some clothes from way back then. As a taller girl, about 5'9", I was usually the biggest girl around.

After college, things just got worse. For the rest of my 20's and early 30's I moved around the mid-200's. Sometimes I'd get on a health kick and get down to the lower half of the 200's, sometimes I'd find myself on the higher end.

In the mid-2000's I got informally diagnosed with having PCOS by my doctor. She at least said I had every symptom, including a lower-functioning thyroid, just not low enough to do anything about. We did a scan and there weren't actually cysts on my ovaries, and I've never tried to get pregnant so who knows if it would have been difficult, but my doctor at the time said she was almost positive I had it. Which would explain a lot.

In 2009, at about 34 years old, round about the time I was getting my floors and countertops redone, I also was on my biggest health kick yet. I tried really hard that year, and I found myself down to about 219 pounds at the lowest. I was working out like five times a week, eating right, just really doing everything I could and people were taking notice.

I was so proud of myself and I swore this was IT, I was NEVER getting that fat again. There was a picture a friend sent to me where I was around 280 and I literally told her (TW: Fatphobia) "If I ever look like that again, just go ahead and kill me, lol." Remembering that still makes me cringe.

After I hit the 220's though, things slowed down significantly and I was having a lot of problems getting any more weight off. It was frustrating, I was stalled for weeks, but I was sticking to plan and still trying. I thought I looked great. I felt great.

And then in October 2009, I was driving to work and an idiot pulled out in front of me, causing me to T-bone him (completely his fault). My Acura RSX-S was totaled, along with my right shoulder. I was in pain more or less all over my body for weeks, and the absolute stress of dealing with the aftermath, even though I was completely not at fault, just took over my life.

I also couldn't use that shoulder for many months almost at all, everything was painful. It would be years until it was fully functional again and still tends to get tight if I leave it in certain positions for too long.

I totally lost my grip on my weight loss. I tried to get it back a few times, but with the stress and my inability to work out, and my body working against me, slowly but surely it all went back on.

And more.

And more.

---

When I started working at my awesome job in 2012 I'd put quite a bit back on but then we would eat out every day for lunch and I'd often stop for fast food for dinner since finances were much less tight with the new job.

In 2014 my back started hurting. I have scoliosis so I knew at some point back pain would be a daily reality. But apparently I have sciatica (or so I was told) and standing up for awhile caused the lower left side of my back in particular to compress painfully. Bad timing, because right around then was when I started traveling extensively to see the Thrilling Adventure Hour and would work for hours standing at the booth selling merch for them at conventions.

I figured out ways to cope... a baseball in my backpack to lean against the wall and massage my back with. Lidocane heat patches. Just taking time to bend over and try to touch my toes to stretch it out. It wasn't that bad, I figured.

---

I don't know exactly when I crossed the 300 pound threshold but it was before 2017. I know this because I recently asked my doctor if he could see in my records and he said their current record system only goes back that far and I was in the 310s for my first record in the system (he said he could put in a request for older records but I told him no, that was good enough.)

You'd think hitting 300 would be a wake-up call, but it wasn't, really. I put in some halfhearted attempts at weight loss every couple of years, would lose 15 pounds or so and then go back to eating, frankly, pretty terribly. I think really at some point it felt like a lost cause. I'm fat, I'll always be fat, might as well just accept it. I'm just one of those people who can't lose weight due to my PCOS and low-functioning thyroid. I'll just enjoy myself instead.

My eating was, frankly, pretty out of control for several years. I'd eat out or grab fast food pretty much every day, at least one meal a day. Sometimes all three. Meals at home were often things like... frozen pizza, pizza rolls, chicken fingers, Mac and cheese... you know, all the easy to make ultra-processed stuff.

And sometimes dinner would be an entire sleeve of Oreos or Girl Scout Cookies and a glass of milk, or an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, or a big bag of potato chips. Whatever I could mindlessly grab and eat that would be really delicious and I didn't have to think about it.

Sometimes I would get on a cooking kick and do great with making healthy, delicious meals for awhile. Until things got stressful again.

I also got a coffee habit. One of Starbucks, Dunkin' or Scooters was a several times a week stop for me by the late 2010s. A venti white chocolate mocha or a large caramel latte was a typical order, and often a breakfast sandwich or a donut, too.

---

In very early 2020, I thought... I'm going to do something about this. A cousin and a friend had both done lap-band. I talked to my parents and decided to take some money out of savings and maybe get it done.

I consulted with DFW's leading laparoscopic surgeon, who, hilariously I realized when I met him, had taken out my gallbladder in 2005, so hey I already trusted him, on like, March 6th I think, 2020.

I'd done a ton of research and knew what I was getting into. I was going to get it done.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LIKE 10 DAYS LATER?

So, yeah, that never happened. I kept telling myself I would get back to it, but never did.

---

The Pandemic and starting WFH both helped and didn't. I did start cooking a lot more. I'd always go through phases where I'd cook a lot and then not, I'm a pretty good cook. I did Hello Fresh and then a cheaper service called Dinnerly for awhile, and although I picked whatever meals I wanted which often weren't low-calorie, they at least weren't constant takeout.

In late 2022 I started noticing some kind of alarming health things going on. I went to a cardiologist, and I do have a problem which wasn't because of my weight, it was a problem since birth it turns out (again, I asked about the Fen-Phen thing), but also my weight definitely was the cause of it being noticed and acting up.

Some other things happened in 2022. I traveled for the first time since the pandemic started, and I realized even in my first car trip that my body's size was now becoming real problem in travel. When I was going to do my first plane trip, I "splurged" and bought first-class tickets, but really it was an expense I knew was stupid. It was the only way I could fit into a single seat.

I'd been having to ask for a seatbelt extender for a couple of years to make sure the belt would fit... sometimes it would, sometimes it wouldn't depending on the length of the strap, but... I knew I was too big for even that anymore.

I also had to travel for work in the second half of 2022, and I had to go to my bosses and basically tell them... look... I'm too fat for a regular seat. I would be happy to pay the difference between the regular seat fare and first class. My bossess pulled some strings and I got my entire seat paid for. It was kind of mortifying when I felt like I had to explain to my coworkers who were also on that flight why I got to sit in first class, though. (and honestly, they didn't ask, I just... was embarrassed about it but didn't want them to think I was more important than them.)

Between these two things, I started feeling like something needed to change.

AND THEN IT DIDN'T.

---

I can't explain it except for like a mental break, but in 2023 I was much, much worse. I was pretty happy in every area of my life, but my eating just... went completely off the rails.

Morning Coffee out at, usually Dunkin', a latte that had about 1000 calories in it every morning, plus a donut or two.

I ordered Grubhub multiple times a week, getting enough food to last a few meals.

And just absolutely eating every fatty, sugary thing I could get my hands on. I'd gotten a pretty substantial pay boost over the the last couple of years with switching jobs twice... I could afford it, who cares?

I ate my way through denials of my worsening health. I ate my way through worsening back pain. I ate so that my pretty big desk chair was starting to feel tight. I only had one pair of jeans and a handful of shirts that fit and looked good.

I eschewed basically all physical activity. My house was starting to fall into clutter again.

I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without crippling back pain.

I knew it was out of control but I felt helpless. Everything else in life was pretty good, except this one thing, that was really affecting everything else.

---

I went to our company Christmas party and was in pain with sitting in chairs that were too small. And then horrifyingly, one night we had to walk two blocks down to the barcade nearby.

Halfway through the walk there was a bench, and I told everyone to go on ahead and sat down on it. My buddy Eric, who has known me since 2000, sat with me, and he didn't say anything about it, but he knew that things had gotten bad and offered me some sympathy about my back.

But it was mortifying.

We got to the barcade and my back hurt so bad that I "held down the fort" at a table, socializing with everyone who came to eat and watched everyone's stuff, instead of playing video games.

A few days later they posted pics of the 2-day long event on the company intranet and I couldn't even look at the pictures of me.

---

I drove to be with my brother/SIL/Niece and Nephews for Christmas and where the seatbelt buckles in dug into my hip so bad it bruised. I already had to have the seat all the way back and my stomach was starting to brush against the steering wheel.

It was hard walking up the flight of stairs in my brother's house, my lower legs would start to cramp up, so I only went up there to go to bed at night and brought everything else I'd want that day down with me.

Honestly, I was physically miserable, though mentally I don't think I was depressed or anything.

By the time the drive happened, though, I had started thinking it was time to try to turn things around.

I'd had my annual visit with the cardiologist and he was frank with me, if I didn't get better, dying in my 50's was a possibility. He suggested I talk to my PCP about getting real help.

So I made an appointment, and had it the day before I took the drive for Christmas.

---

I weighed in at a little over 350 at the doctor's office. This was in the early afternoon, so I'd eaten and was wearing clothes. But the number sent me reeling.

My PCP agreed with my cardiologist, and was really happy I'd come to him for help.

He told me that he had several patients who'd been doing well on Mounjaro, which he explained was the "newer, better Ozempic."

I'd heard about Ozempic of course, but figured it was bullshit just like everything else I'd tried. I'd done a couple of other fad diets and medications I didn't mention here before. I was doubtful, it sounded like a thing celebrities were doing to drop 20 pounds and that wasn't where I was.

My doctor gave me a prescription and told me that it's likely my insurance didn't cover it, and it was really expensive, but to go do research and let him know.

The lap band idea was still kicking around in my head. My doctor said though, that surgery was a permanent solution, let's try not getting surgery first and see how it went. The surgery would be there later if I needed it.

I went on my Christmas trip to my brother's, then decided to put off thinking about it until the new year, 2024.

---

I really wasn't sure I'd do it. But the first week of January, 2024 I typed in mounjaro.com, and read through the website, and saw that actually Zepbound was the same thing but prescribed for weightloss instead of diabetes. So I read almost all of that website, too.

I then went to the Mounjaro subreddit and started reading posts.

And I read. And read. And read. I read every post I could find about every question I had. For like a week or two most of my free time was spent reading the Mounjaro and then Zepbound (which in those days was not moderated and a very wild west) subreddits, or trying to figure out if I could afford this medication.

The posts in the subreddits were unlike any weight loss discussion I'd seen, and I've seen a lot.

A lot of posts about the side effects of the medication, which looked not great, but also a lot of people assuring others that most people only had mild side effects.

So many posts with advice about nutrition, supplements, shot timing and placement, how to get it, how to afford it.

There were so many before and after posts, people who started out looking like me or even bigger who now looked so much smaller.

But best of all were the posts where people described how taking this medicine quieted their brains, and just shut the fucking voice up that was constantly screaming for food even when you knew you weren't hungry.

I honestly thought it was just me that felt that way. The you could eat an entire nutritious, delicious meal and your brain would still be saying "EAT MORE! MORE!!" That voice never, ever stopped unless it was satisfied, that you'd eaten more than you wanted to eat and literally could not eat another bite. Then it went away, for an hour or two.

There were posts that made me cry, because for the first time I felt like people were talking about food and eating and how it felt like their brains were broken regarding food, and this medication made them feel like what was broken was fixed. They could eat and be satisfied for a long time. That hunger wasn't an ever-present all-consuming force in their lives anymore. That they'd felt that way since they were a child and they don't anymore.

I'd always felt that way, too.

This medication... sounded too good to be true.

But just reading these posts on reddit made me want to believe. I wanted to feel the way they were feeling now, too.

Maybe it would work.

---

I soon learned that my insurance would not cover Mounjaro or Zepbound, but that there was a "Savings Card" that would bring the price down to a "mere" $550 per month (from $1100+). I filled out the paperwork and was granted my savings card.

Still sounded like a lot, but I was willing to try for a couple of months.

So I called the pharmacy and told them to please fill the prescription. They didn't have any, they said. Call around and see if someone else did and they'd transfer the prescription there.

So I called several other Walgreens and CVSs near me and every one of them told me the same.

Crazy. Frustrating.

I'd seen this word whispered around the subreddits, though, compound. Said in ways that made it sound mysterious and dangerous. But, by the middle of January I was on a mission.

I started cleaning out my pantry and fridge, I bought healthier food, I started researching the newest apps and technology to track your food and fitness, and though I wasn't making huge changes yet, I hadn't gone to Dunkin' or ordered takeout except once or twice all year so far, which was at least an improvement. I'd signed back up for Dinnerly a couple of weeks prior and modified my upcoming selections to be low-er calorie meals.

And I started looking into this compound thing.

---

So it turns out that when a medication has to be specially made for someone OR a medication is in shortage, that these other specialty pharmacies are allowed to make "copies" of that medicine. And Ozempic/Wegovy and Mounjaro/Zepbound were all in shortage, so many people were getting on both of them.

And thus, these specialty pharmacies are allowed to make copies of those drugs. It sounded sketchy to me at first, and then I followed a bunch of threads and videos and looked into it enough that I decided the fact that you could get it for a significantly cheaper price was worth the risk. I found the subreddits for people on the compound versions (mostly compoundedtirzepatide and tirzepatidecompound - tirzepatide is the official name of the medication) and by the third week of January, selected a company that looked legit. I looked into a LOT of companies and many of them felt very sketchy, but this one didn't. This was a company called Mochi.

NOTE ADDED LATER: Mochi has had SEVERAL scandals in the last couple of months. They used to be a reputable company when I used them but no longer are. Do not use them, although I speak about them positively here, as I had a positive experience but since then they have lost reputation.

What I liked about this company is that they assigned a real, actual doctor to you that you had a telehealth visit with before you could get on the medication, the website and intake form looked legit, and you got a nutritionist to speak to as well. It wasn't the cheapest company ($400/month a that point, they've lowered prices since then I've heard) but I decided a place that was a little more professional was worth it.

I signed up, paid my membership fees and got a telehealth appointment for a week away.

---

That week felt like it took forever, but during that week I ordered a digital scale. It said, naked and first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom, I weighed 345 pounds.

I met with my Mochi physician, Dr. Kim and he was great. I made an appointment with the nutritionist, and I waited for my meds to arrive.

I joined loseit.com to start tracking my food intake. My first tracking day was January 30th, 2024. I used some online tools to calculate a range of how many calories a day I should eat and made that my goal. I didn't meet that goal several of first few days after I set my goal, it was too hard. I was fucking hungry.

I changed the way I ate, I had gotten a new rice cooker with a steamer basket on top and would make a half a cup (dry) of brown rice with 6 ounces of chicken breast, plus a bunch of carrot and onion, topped with a few tablespoons of teriyaki or some other sauce. A big, healthy and delicious lunch and three hours after I ate this bounty my stomach would be growling again.

I made my lower-calorie Dinnerly meals for dinner and had gotten rid of the worst of the foods in my fridge and pantry but, honestly, the last few days of January and first 8 days of February were a struggle. I was white-knuckling it and barely staying under my 2000 calorie goal for the day. It was really hard, but I wanted to get my body used to doing better before I introduced the new variable of medication to it.

In fact, on Feb 8th I made this note in LoseIt:

Just wanted to note how miserable this afternoon was. Even after eating a big bowl of DELICIOUS protein and fiber for lunch I was hungry 2 hours later and couldn't stop thinking about food. Was hungry an hour after eating the apple + p b. Beef Jerky just tied me over. Dinner was satiating for the rest of the night finally. Most of the days since I'd been calorie tracking again had been like this. Knowing I'd be getting relief in a few days with the Tirz kept me sane and on track.

Still, I managed to lose 5 pounds in those two weeks. I was proud of me, but it was so difficult that I knew I couldn't keep it up on my own.

I also spent this time watching several videos on how to draw medication from a vial and administer a shot to yourself. Everyone assured me, -- Dr. Kim, lots of posts on Reddit and videos on Youtube, that it was easy and relatively painless.

I ordered a bunch of things to combat every side effect people said might happen.

My PCP had also given me a prescription for an anti-nausea medication so I had that on hand.

I contemplated telling him that I'd chosen to do compound, but decided to hold off, see the results, and would go to him in a couple of months with the results. A lot of people online said their doctors were against compound, so I was nervous.

---

On February 7th my medication arrived via FedEx. That was a Wednesday. I'd decided to hold off taking my first shot until Friday. I warned my boss that I might be out that day, and at about 7:30 in the morning pulled my medication out of the fridge, watched one last "How to inject" video, read all the instructions and labels on the medication, washed my hands really well, prayed for no side effects, and filled the vial after using the alcohol pad to clean the vial top and my injection site. Turns out filling the syringe from the vial was the tricky part, but I figured it out.

(TW: Needles, skip this paragraph.) I triple checked my dosage was right, pinched the skin at the injection site, then cringed as I put the needle on my stomach. I pushed it in. Oh, yeah a tiny, tiny prick but not really painful. The needle went in, I pressed down on the plunger until the syringe was empty, waited a few seconds, and pulled it out.

Hm... that really wasn't that hard, and it didn't really hurt, either! Nice!

I cleaned everything up, and put the medication back in its little container, then back in the fridge.

And then woah, nausea. Not too bad, like maybe a 4 out of 10. I grabbed the Zofran my PCP prescribed and took one, with my morning Dunkin'. Oh yeah, I'd found new Dunkin'... ISO100 Dunkin' Donuts Morning Mocha Protein Powder. Caffeinated protein powder for my morning coffee. A good compromise.

After about a minute, the nausea passed. I sat down at my desk and got to work.

The morning passed normally. I ate 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread with Cream Cheese (trying to replace my usual bagel or donut) and had an actual cup of coffee with high-protein milk and caramel syrup.

These are my notes in LoseIt for my first day:

First Day

Took shot at 7:45am. Felt minor nausea about 5 minutes after. Took Zofran and it went away. Definitely felt satiated longer before lunch, though was somewhat hungry by the time I ate around 12:30. Very satiated all afternoon, which was a HUGE improvement. Last few days the afternoons have been a struggle. Ate only two cookies and little desire for more after they came. Wasn't all that hungry when I ate dinner, did it anyway. Very satiated still. Drinking Protein shake to get in more protein and calories and could do without.

---

What I didn't really record there is what exactly happened at lunch.

I made the lunch I'd been eating a lot lately, brown rice, chicken, veggies and teriyaki sauce.

And I got like, three fourths of the way through the bowl when it was time to eat.

Then I picked up the bowl to take another bite and I got this feeling almost like "Ewwwww." Not quite ew, though, maybe more like "Ugh."

I looked down at my bowl of very delicious and healthy food and... it was almost like something audible in my body. Just this feeling of "No."

It wasn't nausea, either. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of "No. You've had enough." I looked at the remainder of my food and didn't want anymore. I'd enjoyed it, the rest of it would also taste delicious, but I just felt no desire to keep eating.

"But that's crazy!" I thought. "I'm not full. I'm at least not stuffed. I've been eating this exact lunch most days for the last two weeks! It's great! But even this bowl doesn't actually fill me up! I need to eat all of it or I'll be hungry again in an hour!!"

"Naaaah," another part of me, maybe my stomach part of me said, "you don't. You've had enough. Just stop now. I promise. Really."

"This is insane," I thought. "I'm going to be hungry and miserable again soon."

"Trust me," the other part of me said. "You took your first shot today, maybe this is the medication working."

So, feeling like this was foolish, I covered the bowl with some cling film and put the rest of it in the fridge. I'd want it again soon.

...AND THEN I DIDN'T.

---

I ate my full dinner that night, and I'm not sure I ever finished my lunch.

My only recorded snacks that day were my protein shake and two Girl Scout Cookies.

My niece is a Girl Scout and I had stupidly ordered cookies, doing the thing I always do and say I'll just donate them or give them to a neighbor.

Welp, the cookies arrived THAT DAY. The day of my first shot.

Typically, this would have been cause for half a box to disappear before the day was out, maybe the entire box.

That night, I had two with my protein shake.

Two cookies.

I had two, and I didn't want any more. I was happy with the two.

I was so FUCKING proud of myself. I stayed in my calorie budget that day.

In fact, most days for the next month and a half I had two cookies for a snack at night. I think I'd gotten 6 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, and y'all the first weekend of April every year there's a local gaming conference I go to. I ended up bringing my last two boxes of cookies to the conference for snacks for the table. I had like two out of each of those boxes as snacks that weekend but they were gone pretty early from everyone else eating them, and I was glad.

Those cookies wouldn't have lasted a week before.

---

That Sunday, the 11th I had 1600 calories and I noted in LoseIt that it was HARD to eat that much. The Tirzepatide is strongest 2 days after injection.

---

Monday, February 12th:

Learning how much is "enough" Over the weekend the satiation stayed HIGH. Yesterday was a real struggle to get enough calories in. Today I'm working on better figuring out portion sizes. I think I got just the right amount of portion for lunch. What's amazing is I pretty early on figured out when my stomach is telling me "Enough!" during a meal. I get a very tiny amount of prickly feeling in my upper stomach. Doesn't really "hurt" like pain, just enough to know "Oh, ok, it wants to be done now." And then no problem pushing the food away. It's amazing. And not feeling the same kind of hunger? Like I get a "yeah, I could eat" feeling but not that ravenous "can't stop thinking about food" feeling. It's enough to know my body is ready for food, but it's dulled enough that I don't feel the need for as much as I could possibly eat? Having girl scout cookies in the house and being like "yeah I could eat two and then not think about them anymore" is also amazing. They're there. I don't need them. I know I'll get two sometime tonight, and that's fine. The worst part is just having that full feeling almost all the time, so that's slightly uncomfortable, but also great in making me just not feel like eating MORE. Yesterday especially felt "ugh I have to cram more food to get more calories and I don't wanna" and I've been significantly under calories, which I know isn't good. I need to make the most out of every meal for protein and fiber. Thursday should be a "Hungry day" - will not feel bad about hitting calorie limit that day if I do so. Tirz is such a game changer.

---

Tirzepatide is supposed to be a once a week shot. It's at its weakest the last 2 days before injection day.

Thursday, February 15th: Woke up this morning early and with definite hunger. Had a Protein shake around 7:30 - 8. Was about to start breakfast at 8:30 when got a call to take Pemily to the vet early. DID NOT STOP FOR STARBUCKS/DUNKIN' ON THE WAY HOME. Was barely tempted. VICTORY! (I, without a doubt, would have stopped for SOMETHING on the way home before Tirzepatide.) Had breakfast VERY late (10:15). Had lunch at 1:30. Was supposed to be 3 flour tortillas with meat. Just went ahead and spread the meat to two tortillas. Couldn't finish the second one. Left it for dinner. IDK if I can eat that plus the rest of what I'm supposed to eat. May just leave out the tortillas entirely for dinner. But I need the calories!? It's very, VERY VERY VERY VERY weird to have this "UGH wait I HAVE TO EAT MORE?" problem??! Today is day before 2nd shot. Yeah, a little hunger now but the satiation is there after I eat. Felt the "OK you can stop now" feeling I was afraid I'd miss. Insane. Can't believe this is real, can't believe this is ME. I love it so much. --- Saturday, February 17th: Stop making so much rice. Just a reminder that you absolutely will not eat a half cup of rice as a serving ever again. Stop it, dumby.

(This has almost always been true so far.)

---

The first month was a time of learning. I had set myself calorie and protein goals, it can't be stressed enough how important protein is on the rapid weight loss journey. I was trying to get 120 - 150g in per day. Most days I made that, a few I didn't. Adding in protein shakes and starting to subtract carbs like pasta became something to work on. I didn't change everything out all of a sudden but through the first couple of months would learn something and adjust.

By the end of the month the number of calories I could stand per day had really started to drop. My goal of 2000 calories a day meant I was about 600 under maintenance which would hopefully net me a pound or two of loss per week. I didn't want to drop crazy fast. I didn't want to shock my system. I just wanted to adjust and figure out a better way without hating everything I ate. Finding ways to still eat the stuff I liked for the most part while still making better choices.

By the end of February, despite eating usually 1800 - 2000 calories a day (sometimes a bit more, but more often a bit less) I'd lost almost 15 pounds. At least half of that was probably inflammation and water weight.

After my first shot, it wasn't even hard. I was eating two cookies every night (and one night I had 5, and didn't feel good about it, but still stayed under calories that day.)

I'd also met with my Mochi nutritionist, and she suggested adding in some supplements. A woman's multivitamin, fish oil for heart health (shoutout to Nordic Naturals, they don't give the fish burps!), Magnesium and a probiotic to help with digestion, and a fiber gummy to help with fiber. That adds about 35 calories a day, which I always record.

I kept on doing Dinnerly meals for awhile, eventually doing things like not eating two of the six tortillas that came with the tacos to leave more calories for protein. Dropping almost any pasta-focused meals, etc. Eventually I just realized I was wasting and adjusting around their meals so much it wasn't worth it, and started doing my own meal planning more.

---

So, let's digress a minute here to talk about what Tirzepatide does.

Here's a cool chart I stole from someone's reddit post who stole it from somewhere else on the internet, apologies to the creator for no credit:

Look, I'm not going to pretend I understand all of those things.

But here's the four most important things, to me at least.

First, It lowers insulin resistance. This is the reason diabetics so easily gain weight usually. And apparently people with PCOS have this problem too. So it like, tirzepatide literally makes it easier to lose weight physically. My weight has been coming off steadily, and although I've had some small stalls, I have faith that the medication and sticking to my Plan is working, and that the scale number will drop again in a few days, maybe a week. And it always has.

Second, It lowers inflammation. So many people, myself included, find themselves in significantly less pain due to less inflammation. Guess what... that means it's like, easier to move around! And get more body movement in which means... burning more calories! YMMV on this one but it was great for me. More on that later.

The third big thing it does is quiets the "food noise". When I was talking way earlier about reading the reddit posts, and people saying how their brain is not constantly, constantly, constantly telling them to eat more, until you want to fucking puke, that is what food noise means. It means there are girl scout cookies in a box behind you and your brain will NOT SHUT UP about those girl scout cookies, even if you have eaten a full lunch an hour ago, until you eat the fucking cookies and eat so many you want to puke. Until the box is GONE.

That voice in my brain... it's not 100% gone every minute now, but even when I DO hear it, even when there's something I really, really want, it doesn't control me anymore.

Maybe I'll have one cookie, even two, and then I can stop! Or maybe I'll go have a 25 calorie stick of jerky (shoutout to Snack Mates chicken jerky sticks! They've been my go-to tiny snack for most of the year and they always hit the spot) instead, and that shuts the stupid voice off.

It's such a game changer. Y'all, Tirzepatide doesn't just shut up the addiction voice for food, and yeah, I definitely WAS addicted to food. It's also either being studied for or approved for drug and alcohol addiction as well. There are so many people who were alcoholics or smoked a pack a day or whatever who started taking Tirzepatide and then either significantly lowered or STOPPED their intake of these things. I believe it's also being studied for other addictions like gambling. (Google it, there's lots of articles about it out there.)

I know it almost sounds like mind control but it truly does quiet addiction voices. My mind is so much freer now (lol I know that sounds like something a cultist would say but please believe me). I have more space in my head for my hobbies and to concentrate on work because I'm not thinking about food all the damn time.

I don't think I could have made it through the stress of this summer/fall's renovations in nearly the same way if my brain was as full of the noise as it was before.

I am truly mentally in such a better place because of what this medication does to a person mentally.

Like, hell yeah I still DO look forward to a good meal. Yeah I still want chocolate! Food still tastes AMAZING, just like it always did. It's just that I'm not thinking about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Once my stomach is like "It's cool, we can stop now." instead of my brain going "fuck you, stomach, we're eating more!" my brain can go "Oh, nice, thanks for letting me know, you're right, let's stop now." and be DONE with it.

And look, I've still overeaten on occasion, we'll get to that. But even when I DO eat too much, which isn't often and is almost always a special occasion like going out to eat (which I rarely do and only with other people) or Christmas Dinner, it's like "Welp, that wasn't great, let's do better tomorrow."

And then I do.

But I haven't truly binged like I used to, pretty much at all. A handful of moments of weakness or "nope I really am going to finish all this" in the last ten months. Not every couple of days.

OKAY the FOURTH THING Tirzepatide does is that it slows digestion. Remember how I said how I'd eat a big, delicious meal and then two hours later I'd be Actually Hungry again and wanting to eat more?

No more of that. I eat something and I stay full for a long time. They call it "Delayed gastric emptying." The stomach slows down. Food is digested slower, and better. Usually.

This is fantastic for just physically NOT being hungry a lot! So Tirzepatide addresses both mental AND physical hunger. It's SO GREAT eating a decent meal and staying full until about the next time you should be eating. And sometimes past that.

Sometimes it sucks because you know you haven't eaten enough calories today and UGH what do you MEAN I have to eat MORE!? Can I just... not!?

The other big reason this could suck is that in very rare cases people's digestion tracts have paralyzed, meaning they don't digest at all. Typically this is people who overdose on the medication apparently and it's extremely rare but very bad if it happens. The main thing to avoid here is just... taking too much medication. Stay on the lowest effective dose for you. I've been on it almost 11 months now and am still on the 3rd (of 6) dose level. I am hoping to not need to go up more.

More on that later.

The best way I can describe being on Tirzepatide is that I finally, finally FINALLY just feel normal about food. Food is great, but I don't think about it all the time. The only reason I think about it as much as I do is because I very much want to make sure I eat within my calorie range every day and get in enough protein every day. So I still do think about food "a lot" compared to an average person, but I'm thinking about it in a "let's make sure we eat well, around the times we're supposed to eat so that we don't have to eat too much at the end of the day, and get in enough protein and calories today!" way and not "How many cookies can I cram into my face and how soon until I can do that?" way.

Obviously as the graphic above says it does other things, but these are the main changes most people feel.

---

Okay, like I said, this is CRAZY long and yet I have like 10 more months worth of things to discuss, more technical information to talk about, and a lot of really positive things to share.

Please send questions if you have them, or if you just want to about it, I'm VERY happy to do so.

Another post in a day or two! <3

Part Two Here

Part Three Here

[cobra-creampuff]

and one more thing. i like thinking about what if mickey was - depending on your definition - a virgin before he was with ian. it's really not much of a stretch tbh.

he's 16(?) their first time together

he's DEEPLY closeted

he may or may not be in denial, i go back and forth on this (and yes i know that extra-canonical sources have said he is, i don't care about the council's decision whether it's a stupidass one or not)

so like my thought is. he's pretty young. i know shameless has literally everybody fucking casually by the time they're fourteen but that is absolutely one of the most unrealistic aspects of the show lmfao. so anyway, he's pretty young. so there's that.

if we say he's in denial, and we take into account that he later is shocked by and very against the idea of pegging, it's pretty unlikely that he would seek out or ask for penetration even from women. and even in denial, it's not unbelievable that he wouldn't try rounding bases with women more conventionally either, although of course some people do. it might just not occur to him, or it might be too off-putting to go through with when he isn't being forced.

+ i kind of think that if mickey is in denial by the time of canon, it's the "i have more important things to worry about than getting a girlfriend" flavor, rather than a more "i am definitely into women and i can prove it" flavor. just because like. he really does have more important things to worry about. his one parent seems to be in jail more often than not and his siblings don't seem to have a collaborative relationship like the gallaghers do. mickey must have to spend a lot of time and energy on getting his basic needs met. if he has no interest in women, there's a readily available reasoning that has no relation to his sexuality (meaning he never has to think about it at all).

if he isn't in denial, he still can't hook up with anyone in his neighborhood. ian does while still closeted himself, but he's not as paranoid about someone telling on him as mickey is - not to mention ian doesn't care if other gay people know he's gay, why would he? but mickey doesn't just not want to be out, he doesn't want to be gay. just as much if not more, he doesn't want to be vulnerable. so he's not about to tell some kid at school, even if he knows for sure that they're gay too. he needs everyone around him to only know things that make him intimidating. so first of all, he needs to be bullying that kid. more relevantly, he needs to be seen as untouchable, which by necessity means he needs to be untouched. or at the very least not touched in any kind of way that involves even the remotest genuine intimacy, and a shared secret certainly is that - not even getting into the intimacy of doing something you have some type of Feeling about that can only be done with another person.

so if he did want to hook up, he'd have to go Somewhere Else to do it. but now there are so many active steps he has to take, so many times he has to choose over and over again to go Be GayTM, some of which are already GayTM in themselves. he has to decide he wants it enough to do it. he has to decide how far away is far enough. he has to look up and find a gay bar. he has to figure out how to get there. he has to pick a date and time. he has to earn and save enough money for transportation and at least one drink. he has to make up an excuse to have ready if he gets questioned when he leaves or gets home. he has to actually fucking go to a gay bar. he has to actually go inside a gay bar when he gets there. he has to order a drink at a gay bar. he has to stay at a gay bar. he has to look at other men gayly. in person. on purpose. and be seen doing it. if no one picks him up first, he has to pick up another man. he has to communicate in some way to another man that he wants to have sex with him. he has to pick somewhere immediate to do it, because no way is he going to share enough time with this guy to get to a secondary location. and only after all of those steps, many of them likely to require several attempts, none of them easy, only THEN can he finally have the sex. AND!! even then, he still has to bring himself to Be GayTM enough to get involved with the guy's dick. it's easy enough to rationalize later that a mouth is a mouth and the gender of the person it's attached to doesn't really matter; it's much harder to say that about penetrative sex. less so if you top, but still.

so. in my professional opinion. it's very believable that before ian, the "furthest" mickey had gone was receiving a blowjob. and of course he would have skipped right over kissing. (like obviously it's also believable that he would go through all those steps; a teenager will go to the fucking moon if they're horny enough and ready + there's plenty of text to support mickey being the type of guy that if he's gonna do it he's gonna do it all. and it's also believable that he might have been sexually active or at least not completely inactive with women despite not being attracted to them, with textual support for that too. but that's not what we're talking about rn!)

so okay. sure, all that. but then why ian?

well. there's text to suggest mickey maybe had a little crush on ian already. constantly making a nuisance of himself at ian's workplace. staying long enough to put on a little (non-violent) show about it when ian's there, as compared to efficiently hitting and robbing kash when ian is absent. calling him an arguably flattering if crass (and it's mickey so flattering but crass is... just flattering) nickname that directly references his pubic hair - *katya voice* UN-PRO-VOKED!

ian is good looking, obviously. he's got the red hair, which is a preference i like to think mickey had before that being with ian just compounded. perhaps exponentially lmfao. ian also has a personality we can reasonably assume is attractive to mickey even before he knows him that well. he's assertive and brave enough to challenge mickey directly, and especially with kash to compare to ian is definitely a Big Tough Man (even if that's more in attitude than in body at that particular point). and the fact that he's not afraid and not overly aggressive either gives at least some measure of impression that he doesn't have much need or desire for the upper hand - nonthreatening without being weak, wimpy, or boring.

now. not all bottoms are subs. this is true. and not all subs like it rough, and some people who like it rough aren't subs even if they are bottoms. all true. i implore you to look at mickey. now look into your heart. now look at mickey. you know these disclaimers are, in this case, only disclaimers. as such, you KNOW that fight - and ian being the one to start it, even if he didn't win - got mickey so so fired up.

so. ian's hot. he's mickey's type. mickey is teenager horny generally, and now also horny situationally. they are in mickey's bed. mickey is in a mild state of undress. they are touching. ian is between mickey's legs. he's not taking advantage of mickey's hesitation - and he only threatened and then defended himself, never actually getting more aggressive than necessary, i.e. he won't hurt mickey if mickey gives him physical opportunity. the vibes say ian won't use knowledge of mickey's sexuality against him afterward. it's possible mickey already knows he's gay (he seems to, but i always took the potential indications as a continuity error since there's really no sub/textual reason why he would and there are many other such cases).

he's right there, right now, and mickey wants him, and he's safe. bada boom bada bang, baby.

and. one more thing. i like to think about. if mickey hadn't had sex before ian. and we accept that he was lying about having sex in juvie (which we do). and we accept that he was lying about having sex with angie (which we do). and we discount the 3.06 incident with svetlana, since it wasn't consensual (which we do). and we accept that the trucker lady he used to humiliate himself but didn't actually have sex with was the only sexual contact he had while ian was away because he was too miserable to want any, as seems pretty strongly implied (which we do). and if we accept that the show was tragically canceled in the s4 hiatus (which we do lol).

then. in that case. ian is not only mickey's First Time (depending on your definition) and First Kiss, but in fact his only "all the way" sexual partner and only kiss. (and also first and only given bj.)

like, don't get me wrong, i don't believe in or enjoy the First, Last, & Only thing in a purity or like one-true-love way, that shit sucks. however. in a possessive way? pretty sexy. and i know ian would agree. he told me so himself.

(i also just kind of like the idea for mickey specifically. like he fully believed that he would never ever in his whole life ever have the kind of intimacy he has with ian in the end. that it was straight up impossible and there wasn't any point in even so much as thinking about it. and then... he gets it anyway, on his very first try.) (disclaimer again: yes romantic and sexual relationships aren't the only intimate relationships, no monogamy and/or long term commitment aren't inherently more intimate than other dynamics nor are they mutually necessary, yes relationships that end have equal benefit and value to relationships that don't. post not intended to be representational or reflect a widely applicable worldview it's just about this one specific guy etc etc, brought to you by a polyamorous aromantic wejustdon'tknowsexual believe me i get it i know it i live it.)

[scarfacemarston]

Hi! it's me again i requested Yelena x Reader hc

I meant things they might do on Valentine's day together and how Yelena would feel about the day overall.

Yelena's Valentine's Day with the F! Reader!

I tried hard to make this romantic or queer platonic! I hope I succeeded.

Yelena knows what Valentine's is, but it's not celebrated as widely in Russia as in the United States. However, it's not like she would have celebrated it as a Black Widow unless she was undercover in a relationship and was required to celebrate then while undercover. Yelena thinks it's a stupid holiday. She thinks love doesn't have to be proven constantly, especially through frivolous gifts and big romantic gestures. Additionally, she believes that if you love someone, then they should already know it through the everyday actions and time spent together.

However, if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, then she will reluctantly do so because she's a simp and cares for you.

She wishes she had Natasha to ask, and she sure as hell isn't going to ask Alexei or Melina….so she texts Kate in a roundabout way, asking for advice, which Kate enthusiastically gives. Yelena only accepts….10% of it.

First, she would know your love language. (Love languages can still be involved in queerplatonic relationships.) That would be her guide for the rest of the preparations. 

However, do NOT expect anything grand or overly romantic. That is not her style. 

Bucky actually gives her the best advice and tells her to simply be herself.

"Your partner fell for you because you are you. No one else. No false identities to hide behind, but you as a person, strengths and flaws and all. I see the way Reader looks at you and I may not know a lot about a lot of things, but I recognize that affection. Don't beat yourself up over this, don't overcomplicate it. At the end of the day, it's about your care for one another. Now if only I could follow my own advice."

Despite this, Yelena still struggles because she has only recently started to develop her own sense of self. 

Yelena would much rather stay in and celebrate rather than go out. The restaurants would be a mess on Valentine's Day anyway. She isn't much of a cook, but she can handle herself. Part of her gift is definitely making you breakfast and your favorite dinner. You can bet she went to that special bakery to pick up your favorite sweets.

If you drink, she would absolutely find some of the best wine or vodka available to the point where you're wondering where she got it, but you know Yelena has her ways.

 As for material gifts, she finds jewelry, chocolates, and flowers to be too stereotypical and too "lovey-dovey," but if she thinks you want it, then by gosh, are you getting them, regardless of how Yelena will tease you about it later on.

She would much rather give you an experience that you two could share, like a concert or a weekend getaway. She would put the tickets or hotel reservations in a box and wrap it with a bow because she would feel like it was more related to Valentine's Day.

If she's feeling particularly inspired, she might drive you outside of town to stargaze, where she'd relax and tell stories from her childhood or talk about her dreams and goals for the future. All of which she hopes are with you.

When you get home, she draws a bath. Nothing sexual about the actions, just a relaxing bubble bath with the two of you bathing each other and cuddling.

If your relationship is sexual, she is more inclined to get a toy for the two of you to use for your activities. However, to her, it doesn't matter if the sex is on Valentine's Day or not. If you're both tired, why bother? It's just a day to her. She'd much rather you enjoy yourselves.

The night ends with you two turning something lame on Netflix to poke fun at while cuddling and taking turns playing with each other's hair.

You appreciate everything Yelena has done for you and give her a sweet kiss and an earnest "Thank you." She tries to shrug it off but can't help the warm glow she feels inside.

[endlesssummerslaycation]

My Favorite Pairings In Fates

This isn't an addition to my blog, but I just really love all of the pairings I do in Fates and I wanted to share them!

Path Neutral pairings:

F!Corrin/Jakob: If I didn't marry my Corrin to Leo all the time (which will never happen), I would marry her to Jakob. I just feel like they have a lot of screen time together in the early game, and it's one of the cuter Corrin romantic support chains. I actually don't really love the Leo/Corrin chain all that much, but I do it anyway because I'm down bad.

Azura/Kaze: I don't care that the stats are dogshit I'm doing it anyway 😭 I just really like the idea of Azura as Midori's mother. She has an affinity for medicine, as shown in Conquest Chapter 12, and the Kaze/Azura support line is literally about her sending medicine to her sick nana. It's so cute. Also, Kaze works really well as Shigure's father. They've both got that calm and collected aura about them. He just gives me "father of 2" energy.

Silas/Mozu: Honest to god, I do this because it's quick and easy, but I actually really love the hair color it gives Sophie. And that's all I do with it.

Hoshido pairings:

Ryoma/Rinkah: Because IS said fuck you to Scarlet. Jokes aside, I feel like these 2 look really cute together, they have similar designs, and I love the idea of Rinkah being the queen of Hoshido. And blonde Shiro reminds me of a frat boy, which I think is hilarious

Hinoka/Subaki: I actually really hate Subaki as a character, I find him really annoying, but I really love the idea of Hinoka being Caeldori's mother. Not only does it give Caeldori her canon red hair, but the supports line up really well, and her and Hinoka will have matching Falcon Knight uniforms!! Caeldori is kind of the only kid I can really see Hinoka having 😭

Sakura/Kaden: I actually had trouble for a long time figuring out who I wanted to ship Sakura with. Nothing ever made sense for her. I used to ship her with Saizo for redhead Asugi, but I just felt like it didn't make sense for her not to have a daughter. But I feel like Selkie is just a perfect child for her! Sakura and Kaden's support revolves around the 2 of them becoming napping buddies, and in the 4Koma, Sakura and Selkie have a panel where they nap together! I know she's not an ideal mother for her, but I don't really care lmao

Saizo/Kagero: I don't WANT to because I'm a child of divorce 😭 but I'm also not shipping Saizo with fucking Setsuna so we're going with this

Azama/Orochi: Once again, I hate Azama with a burning passion, but Orochi has my favorite hair color in the whole game, and this was the only Azama support that didn't have abusive undertones to me and didn't give Mitama the worst hair color of all time, so I went with this

Hinata/Hana: Both Samurai, gives Hisame his canon brown hair, cute support. What more can I say? (he was a punk, she did ballet)

Hayato/Nyx: I hate the age gap so much, and in a typical playthrough I wouldn't do it, but if Hayato wasn't Rhajat's canon dad but Nyx was Rhajat's canon mother, I'd put her with somebody else because it just makes too much sense. I do have somebody else that I like her with tho that I will mention later

I leave Setsuna single because I don't like her lmao (there's a reason I choose Conquest, half of the BR cast is just boring to me)

Nohr pairings:

Xander/Charlotte: I will make a case for just getting Sol from Laslow. I do think that if you wanna put him with somebody else, that is available to you. And I've talked about a similar situation before with doing the SUPERIOR Beruka/Camilla for Camilla Fighter access instead of giving her the overrated Keaton marriage. The difference is that for some bullshit reason, Xander and Laslow do not have a fast support. So, for me, it's like, why not just give him Heartseeker from a fast Leo friendship and give him the Charlotte marriage? I do really love the supports though and I love the idea of Queen Charlotte!!!

Camilla/Niles: This is one of my favorite ships in this entire game. It's a really unique support line, they're both very similar characters, and lavender Nina is the greatest thing in this world. The Nina support with her mother kind of makes the most sense with Camilla, because ONLY she is so desensitized to just not care at all about Nina's obsession with yaoi, but she is also the only one who is so obsessed with Corrin that she would give her yaoi to the army. I also love that the S support doesn't end with a grand proposal or anything, I like that it's just the blossoming buds of a relationship, because it makes the whole support feel like a natural progression, and it never feels in character for Niles to do a big 'ol proposal like in his supports with Felicia. Overall, love these 2

Leo/Nyx: I told you Nyx would be back! If Nyx gave him Wyvern access, this would be the greatest pairing of all time. I absolutely love the supports between these 2, I feel like they just already like each other from the start, and the S support just makes me absolutely melt (with the exception of one line, iykyk). I have a love-hate relationship with the hair color it gives Forrest, but it is very gothic lolita, which I find to be really cute. Adventurer Nyx is also a great backpack for Leo, fwiw)

Elise/Odin: I shipped this BEFORE I knew it made a broken Ophelia. I just feel like a lot of characters are really cruel to Odin for absolutely no reason (see: Corrin), and this was the only support that felt like the both of them really got along well.

Laslow/Selena: OTP. LITERALLY THE OTP. I can't express in words how much I love these 2 together. I actually have a headcanon, since I also pair them together in Awakening, that they were together through the events of that game but broke up midway through because they were young and dumb. And after they've grown up a little more in Nohr, they rekindle their old flames. It makes their Fates A support feel a lot sweeter, I'll tell you that. I love that they have history together, even just as friends saving 2 different worlds, and they have a really fun dynamic of being an incorrigible flirt and a tsundere. I love that she calls him out on his shit in the B support, and it genuinely has a lasting effect on him, I love that by the S support, they're both kind of dodging each other's feelings a little bit, I just love these 2 with all my heart. Also, Selena and Soleil have names that mean Moon and Sun, which I can't NOT pass up, and they also have matching outfits if you do this pairing!! I also ship Virion and Olivia, and there's a line in Virion's support with Frederick where he mentions a "symbol of everlasting friendship", which is also what Laslow initially calls the bracelet he proposes to Selena with. I could keep going but I'll move on now lmao

Peri/Keaton: Unpopular opinion incoming. This is Peri's best support. Because it doesn't unnaturally throw Peri into just going "okay sure I'll stop killing". Keaton goes "hey, maybe be a little choosier but you CAN go hunting with me". Which feels like a natural way to wean her off of killing. I also love Peri and Velouria's supports, she's the only one that specifically mentions the flower she hopes she smells like, and of course Ms. I Love Trash Velouria would love the smell of the corpse flower. Also, Peri, who loves to cook, marries Keaton, who loves to hunt. So I headcanon that they go on hunting trips together and then Peri cooks all of the food they got and they have little feasts!

Beruka/Benny: Two introverts meet. Just what I like to see as a fellow introvert myself. This is one of the sweetest supports I have ever seen. Not much else to add there, I just think they make a lot of sense together

Effie/Arthur: I did it for the fast Percy paralogue

And that's all!! I hope somebody agrees with at least a few of these 😭 the shipping is one of my favorite parts of Awakening and Fates, so I love to talk about what pairings I like! If anybody's interested, I might do an Awakening one too! Don't play it as much, but I've got some diehard ships I'm willing to drown on (I mentioned one in this list)!

[midnight1nk]

Hi fort of the pillows and theories!

Random message of how genuinely screwed 4 is.

He has no support circle, and I'm realizing this recently. He has NO TRUE SUPPORT FOR ANYTHING GOING ON? Now, don't get me wrong, he could talk to the crew anytime about his issues, but why would he?

Everyone has their own struggles, and also the fact that nobody would truly get it!

“ 3 does! ”

3 does, but. 3 hasn't been forced to be the hero, good guy, the pinnacle of perfection, so he wouldn't understand the experiences 4 had. He may understand being forced/expected to be something, but it's not like 4s experience.. Plus why would 4 want to bring up memewarts and a bunch of the other arcs when 3 probably would have bad memories, maybe even be triggered, 4 doesn't know if or if not.

“ What about Mario? ”

Do they really have a relationship that would let that happen? Mario cares, 4 knows that, but they joke and make fun of each other a lot, and sad moments were because their world was ENDING (lawsuit arc, for example). Probably not something 4'd wish to bring up to Mario, not for the kinds of conversations he needs.

“ Meggy would understand the trauma Puzzlevision gave! ”

Sure, but 4'd feel like a burden, especially with the arc coming up and how he. Technically caused (or was one of the causes of) Leggy's existence, wasn't he?

“ The rest of the crew would care! ”

But they aren't close in the ways that would let 4 share his issues. Maybe they'd care, and in the moment if he cried on their shoulder(s) and they were nice it'd feel good, but afterwards I have no doubt 4'd be uncomfortable. He's supposed to be strong, and being all weak and vulnerable around them isn't.. Isn't that.

Besides I can make some specific points for some of them. Melony has her own grief and issues she's getting over, Tari is nice but 4 doesn't wanna worry and pressure her to do it (christmas ep with tari.. Forgot the name) he was already pushy enough before and stressed her out, Bob doesn't seem like the type of person to be emotionally available, Saiko and Kaizo might be understanding and listen but it would just feel awkward for 4 probably, list goes on.

Oddly (?) enough, there is one person that probably would be good with talking to 4, would understand, and be nice about it (SOMETHING 4 DESPERATELY NEEDS), and could be a good emotional pillar.

Karen!

But he won't take it, I bet. Why? She has her own issues, he'd be a burden, something already happened recently and she's probably getting back into the swing of things. She wouldn't fully understand either, I don't remember seeing her in any of the arcs which means she wouldn't have seen what 4 saw. And, to me, an important part, he doesn't know. This applies to everyone. He doesn't know if he's truly safe to say it, would he be judged? Would they leave him? Would he be a burden?

... He doesn't know.

But that's my take! And I wanted to ramble and point it out. And as a bonus: a banger song! Very 4 coded to me, and the og is in the description! Though TW if you do end up looking for the English lyrics. :).

The worst part about the support circle rambling, is he has people who would gladly help him and be a part of said support circle, but 4 doesn't let them. 4's probably stuck in the same way of thinking he has had for years. And nothing is done or said about it really. Ouugh and even if it is 4'd probably deny, push away, block himself off emotionally, mentally, physically, god...

4 if someone finds out he is NOT okay and tries to help (joke (OR IS IT? DUN DUN DUNNN)

Anyways uhh I hope that makes sense + actually is. In character to 4...🔥🔥 enjoy

welcome back to the pillowfort!! we're certainly having a time here :)

It actually has some sense, yes. You gotta admit, the Crew themselves, it isn't perfect (*ruhoh, "perfect" jumpscare*). They have their faults and flaws, but at the end of the day, they still care for each other. If one needs support, they'll be there.

Well, then there's 4. Just as complex as other characters have, 4 has his own struggles he has to deal with. The role he chooses to play, he's more than willing to put others' regards over his own. Might have a hard time reading in between the lines when it comes to emotions, but he cares so much and tries to express it in the best way he knows how. His friends care for him too, in their own way, and maybe a part of him hopes they would understand if he opened up. Not fully, but to some degree.

But for one, he has to be strong for the people who need him. It makes a difference to be that pillar of hope, and 4 intentionally does just that. Hell, he would be injured or sick, he doesn't care as long as he could be there for them. That's fulfilling enough. Second, there's a lot of trauma and pain he hasn't quite accepted yet. He tends to suppress it but when it passes by, he's kinda numb to it. In the sense that he doesn't allow himself to react/express it. Other than that, he is the type to say "I can fix it". He doesn't want to burden his friends with those struggles, of potential failure, they already went through enough. And yet, it ends up hurting everyone, even if it wasn't his intentional.

There's a good line that's still stuck to me to this day: "I'm the hero, I don't get saved." And I think it applies with 4 somewhat, not that 4 sees himself as a hero but more so at the fact that he's needed. He can still fix it, he can still be worth of their friendship. Him? He'll be okay as long as they are. But yeah, I see what you mean ^^

Anyway, that is a banger song/arrangement!! I appreciate you sharing it, as always also if anyone's interested in checking out the original song, be aware for some trigger warnings, lyrics dealing with heavy topic about mortality (as in the heavy hitters) so yall be careful it that.

thanks for the ask!

[lynne-monstr]

huang shaotain is at the airport when he sees his flight is delayed, but its fine it's okay he's fast (the fastest!) and he rushes to the airline help desk and gets on an earlier flight just in time! they print his ticket right before they close the boarding system for that flight! he prasies himself as he waits to board the plane.

and waits.

and waits.

he watches the departure board as his original delayed flight takes off and he's still stuck in this stupid airport on this stupid flight.

maybe being fast isn't such a good thing after all. didn't his mom always tell him to thinks things through before he acted. oh well. at least the guy next to him is good looking. in a nerd kind of way, if you're into that.

which huang shaotian is, thank you very much.

he's in the middle of secretly checking the guy out (and who let a guy with such a gentle smile have such massive arm muscles?! huang shaotian would wish himself a happy birthday for finding this guy except it isn't actually his birthday). anyway he's definitely not thinking about those muscles pinning him to his childhood bed when his stomach makes the loudest noise a stomach could possibly make.

the cute guy looks over and catches huang shaotian in the middle of licking his lips. (because he's thirsty! he skipped dinner to get on this flight give a guy a break.)

"I'm hungry!" he says, maybe a little snippier than usual, which he feels bad about because the guy hasn't done anything wrong except for being unfairly hot.

except, as he realizes when the guy's cute eyebrows shoot sky high, what apparently came out of his sleep deprived traitor of a mouth is—

"I'm horny!"

"um..." the hot guy says.

"no no no not like that. I mean I'm hungry. because I didn't eat, not that you're- I mean you are but that's not why i'm—"

huang shaotian stomach makes another loud noise and huang shaotian is so grateful he could kiss himself.

the guy reaches into his fancy briefcase and for a wild moment huang shaotian thinks he's going to offer a condom and lube. but no, it's just an energy bar.

"you look like you need it more than me," the guy says when huang shaotian tries to wave it away. his smile is so soft and nice that what else can huang shaotian do but accept.

he maybe inhales it like he's never eaten food before in his life, but at least while he's eating he can't talk and embarrass himself again.

ten minutes later, an announcement comes over the loudspeaker and gives them the bad news that their flight is cancelled. in the rush to rebook at the service desk for the next morning, huang shaotian learns the guy's name is yu wenzhou and that he's also traveling for business and needs a hotel for the night.

huang shaotian is casual—so casual, the most casual anyone's ever been—when he asks yu wenzhou if he wants to share a cab to some shithole hotel near the airport. maybe fate takes pity on poor hungry salesmen who chat too much, because yu wenzhou agrees.

they get to the hotel amidst a rush of other stranded passengers and huang shaotian doesn't know whether to be elated or panicked when the front desk clerk tells them there's only one last room available.

and that it has only one bed.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Why don't you accept questions about certain sensitive topics? You could tag the touchy topics, put the answers under the "Read More" cut, and warn them, so people can avoid them if they don't feel comfortable with the subject matter; it's on them if they chose to read regardless and they get upset as a result.

It's a personal choice, not an audience choice. #1 - I'm the one who isn't comfortable with the subject matter.

#2 - "The subject matter" in question mostly involves subjects that are best handled by experts in fields that deal with those subjects. As I'm not a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker/counselor, etc. and I don't even write about those subjects, I don't feel particularly qualified to answer those questions anyway.

#3 - I'm uncomfortable with the degree to which these topics are exploited by edge lords who include them in stories for drama, shock value, and other bad faith reasons, and I don't want to perpetuate or condone this.

#4 - There is a staggering amount of free, easy to access information on all of these topics available with a quick Google search, not to mention numerous YouTube videos and books as well. I am a firm believer that anyone who wishes to include these topics thoughtfully and respectfully isn't looking for a cheat sheet from a writing blog, but is putting in the time and effort to research the topics on their own.

I apologize if this is an inconvenience. My posts WQA’s Guide to Internet Research and Writing About Difficult to Research Topics can help you with research. ♥

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking | ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[goofygoobercreature]

Do u have any hcs for marvin in general? :3€

WARNING! EXCESSIVE YAPPING AHEAD!!!!!!

Well, you've been warned buster!

Okay, where to start?

Oh yes. I know exactly where to start.

Well, if memory serves me correctly, Marvin is a frequent multiverse traveller as per to the lore regarding the comic where he meets the Martian Manhunter. If you are unfamiliar with that crossover, I reccomend that you read it if you are an avid Marvin fan as I am. It is a peak reading experience if you are a big fan of Marv and/or the Martian Manhunter. Anyways, back on subject here, but as a multiverse traveller, he has seen almost basically everything there is to offer given that he is speculated to be immmortal. However, since he has seen everything, it doesn't mean he can PREDICT everything.

The reason why he comes off as a brat is because he normally never has to try in regards to getting anything he wants simply because he can go to any dimension he wants and because of how technologically advanced he is. With everything and anything readily available to him, he can't grasp as to why other creatures can't do the same things he can. Specifically Earth people. He finds it rude as to how the Earth is progressing without a single soul regarding his existence on Mars. Well, the way I see it in Marvin's perspective is if you imagine having someone you really want to talk to and they seem far too busy to acknowledge your existence and any effort made to talk to them is just not coming through. Annoying right? I feel like that is the way Marvin feels with every attempt to talk to the people on the Earth. With that frustration only fueling his anger, it would leave Marvin to do the drastic move of destroying the Earth entirely.

As per the Martian Manhunter comic, he is only focused on destroying the Manhunter's Earth than listening to him. Another key point I'd love to address is that Marvin is definitely mischaracterized in the later Looney Toons adaptations as just a villainous character. How I can prove this is by how he finds the Earth life facinating in the episode 'Mad as a Mars Hare' by how he is documenting the life with a telescope. In his first appearance, he never really had an explained motive as to why he was going to blow up the Earth. I highly doubt that he was going to blow up the Earth because it was obstructing his view of Venus/Mercury. With that being said, it only makes me wonder as to why they went on with this mischaracterization of him with all of the evidence I have gathered here to support this headcanon.

I also think that he prefers the dimension that we see him in rather than any other dimension. Why I believe this is because he prefers to be alone most of the time, but not all of the time if that makes sense. The reason we see K-9 every so often is because Marvin can choose to have his company or not either by vaporizing him and obviously having the option to clone him. And I am a firm believer that every time we see K-9 is a different clone of him. To prove this is because he acts differently in each adaptation sometimes as a soldier or sometimes more dog-like which can be due to how Marvin chooses his companionship. Again proving my point as to how Marvin has everything and anything readily available to him.

Another factor to add to my headcanons is that Marvin genuinely yearns for someone that has been and seen everything that he has that isn't just a clone of himself. Or at least finding someone he can share the things he's seen and done with. It is obvious in some cases that Marvin loves doing what he does, but wants to share his experiences with someone other than K-9 or himself. I am also a firm believer that he conquers other planets just to have the flex that he has taken over so many more planets than the Earth ever could. Marvin definitely wants people to know that he is a more superior being without coming off as rude/overbearing yet he does not want to be undermined for being deemed short or not a threat. Despite that, Marvin would be feared in our dimension since we have seen what he is capable of building and how he can follow through with his threats of blowing up the Earth without Daffy or Bugs stopping him with some cartoony antics.

Marvin definitely has tried Earth cuisine before across the planet at least once. Deeming America's potato salad as his favorite and is one of the reasons as to why he is hesitant on obliterating the Earth. I do believe that he wants to learn more about Earth culture but is worried that he will not be easily accepted amongst them and be overwhelmed by the fact that he cannot take on the entire Earth by himself. This theory could also explain as to why he just observes the Earth with only his telescope.

I also believe that Marvin has a 2x hotter body temperature than humans, explaining why his military status is X-2. I also believe that he had made up the martian army of just clones himself and instant martians which just seem to be Jovians, (Jupiter inhabitants), condensed into round marbles that can be activated with water/any hydrogen based liquid.

I also speculate that the Duck Dodgers show isn't canon in terms of other martian life. Marvin's title remains in the show as normal. He had made up Tyr'annee as someone he prefers in terms of romanticism. General Z-9 is meant to symbolize Marvin and how he wants to be percieved but also shows what he doesn't want to become. The Duck Dodgers show is also based on Marvin's words in regards for how space is actually like. He also let Daffy and Porky have creative freedom in terms of how their characterizations are like in the show just as long as they had shown to be a very formidable enemy against the martian army.

Aaannnnnndddddddddddd that should be it for now. Those are all the headcanons I have regarding the pookie! I'd like to emphasize that he would be a very caring character to be around despite how dangerous he is. He just has a lot of problems trying to show that caring side of him. And the mischaracterization of him within pop culture and Warner Bros. is so insane tbh. But that is just the way I percieved him as a character and I would so give him and K-9 cuddles and affection as they both so deserve it.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

J-Hope and Jimin's Dynamic Reading

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. This is my interpretation of the cards and energy I work with.

Okay, but how cute is this picture! Anyway, to the final dynamic, so let's take a look at what they can give me energetically at the moment. I think their bond is cute, so hopefully I get that same vibe, but who knows.

Overall energy: So, we start off with the House 6. There is nothing all that great here lol This kind of gives me 6 of pentacles energy as well. They take care of another. They help each other out in a physical, practical sense. They keep one another on task. Maybe they help each other when it comes to their health, maybe they buy supplements for another. This energy isn't bad, but doesn't show much of a bond either. This energy is very practical. Also, they might be helping another get back to the swing of things, maybe Hobi more so, as he has been out of the Military longer.

Well, that answers my question again, they also got the 4 of Cups. That shows apathy, a lack of an emotional connection. I am seeing distance from these two. I heard, a lack of remorse, no clue what that means. They both seem closed off from another, or one shut down from the other. I will see when I get to both of them individually.

J-Hope's energy: This man's energy seems like there is always issues in his connections. I thought he was cool with everyone, but energy wise his connections seem the most problematic. I see something about his ego. I can see immaturity. Things happening in the past, or he is stuck in the past when it comes to Jimin. It is like things were cool in the past. They got along. They were young and naive.

Then ego and pride and this competitive energy got in the way, and that changed things. I feel with Hobi is that he lacks self-worth, and because of that he projects his insecurities onto the members, and it creates complications in this connection. So, I am going to be real, he needs to check that and heal his insecurities. He is my bias, but I keep sensing this problematic energy. And I will address that. It bugs me that I keep seeing this. I am like, dude fix this, but I get he is human, and he is just trying to live his life as best as he can, but dude, heal please!

I see him feeling very hurt, depressed, sad. He seems to have a lot of heavy thoughts when it comes to this connection, but he also may have felt betrayed by Jimin in some sense. I see him being a bit cold in this connection. Keeping his distance. He is trying to be diplomatic and not cause problems, but he seems unemotionally available to him and detached. Maybe Jimin wronged him in some way. I do see him wanting to be the bigger person and leave the door to communication open, but he doesn't emotionally invest himself in this connection or want to be vulnerable. I will look into Jimin to see if he did some messed up sh** and maybe I was being hard on Hobi, but there is still this insecurity that does keep popping up for him.

Jimin's energy: Jimin is so annoying for being so damn complicated lol I shouldn't be surprised at this point. Anyway, with the first card, that just shows me rapid movement, things happening fast. He may feel a bit overwhelmed by this connection or Hobi.

He may have felt attacked, or not able to defend himself. The 7 of Wands reversed, is vulnerability, not able to stand his own ground, so he may have felt defenseless towards him. He does have the 6 of wands as well, so there is this ego with him to. This need to win, so they both have that energy. This competitive energy towards another. That could be where the clash is.

Jimin isn't really saying much on his end, so don't get much for his end. He did get the High Priestess, so he is someone who keeps things to himself and may not be someone who shares what he really feels, which is why I can't get much from him. I just heard, occult, I am annoyed, because what does that have to do with this, does it have something to do with it!?

Oh sh** getting something wild, so I heard insider, and I am like, to what!? And I heard club, so this is how I am interpreting this, I think Jimin allegedly is part of a club that help him gain success, but Hobi is not part of that, and this could be why Hobi may be butthurt about things, maybe this is why Hobi is like this with the members.

I know there was weirdness with Hobi and Jungkook as well, he may be in the same club, and Hobi feels betrayed by that, okay, done that threw me off, but hey, that is how it works for me, they just throw random stuff at me and sometimes I love it, like now, but sometimes, I am like why, don't want that. Anyway, here you go. And this is how I conclude this BTS series of connections lol End with a bang. Anyway, when I get interesting tea like that is when I love doing this! It has been a while, since that has happened though.

[beemers-hell]

BIG ASS DOLLTISM POST TIME BECAUSE...

Welcome Committee Frankie AND The Scary Sweet Birthday dolls are finally mine!!

So lets start with Frankie since I got them first, I found out they were finally up for sale and instantly snagged them bc this doll is important to me. If you don't know, they were originally supposed to release last year as a Pride doll at target, but Target pussied out on it and they were in release limbo because of that. However, recently, people who returned Monster High dolls to Mattel were receiving WC Frankie as recompensation, and this week, they finally went up for sale as an Amazon Exclusive (unfortunately) so the second I saw they were finally available I bought them! And I love this doll so much!!

I think they look absolutely lovely, and I'm so glad there's gonna be queer kids that get to have this doll :)

Also, silly thing to note, they come with a poster for the buyer as well as a poster for themselves!

Next up: I HAVE SCARY SWEET BIRTHDAY I LITERALLY TREMBLED FROM JOY WHEN I FOUND THEM

(Clawdeen and her playset isn't I think isn't available yet which is why I don't have her and only the other 4 ghouls </3 I'll be getting her ASAP once she's available!)

OK so if you follow my twitter you'd know how insane I've been going over the release of this line I literally made this tweet about it the other day

Anyway, on a whim, I asked my dad if he could take me doll hunting yesterday, because I had a gut feeling I'd find the Scary Sweet Birthday line at a local toy store I go to every now and then for Monster High dolls lol. Shoutout to one of my best friends (she doesn't have a tumblr </3) who bought ALL of the ghouls for me as a late birthday present!! I was SO fucking overjoyed you have no idea dude, this has been my most anticipated Monster High line like EVER

I think these dolls are SOOOOO gorgeous, and their accessories are so insanely cute and fun!! They each come with a balloon, a purse, their own unique accessory, and a gift, and Frankie, Cleo, and Cupid's gift bags come with a little accessory inside for Draculaura! Frankie gifted her a bracelet, Cleo gifted her sunscreen (lmfao </3), and Cupid gifted her perfume! Or what I assume is a perfume bottle, it could also be a love potion but who knows lmao

Also, Frankie, Cleo, and Cupid came with little cardboard cards to give to Draculaura, this is what they look like! They open up to reveal a cute message to her!

I'm genuinely so fucking happy I finally have (almost) the whole line I almost passed out from how excited I got over having them. GOD I LOVE THEM

Also, you may notice Cupid's hair looks a little different from the other photos I took of her; I styled her hair up in order to make it look more like the stock pics of her! In order to do this, I used a human size hair tie, tied it around her ponytail, then I slightly undid the last ring of the human hair tie in order to give her ponytail a slight bubble, which apparently worked (sort of) to emulate the updo she had in stock pics!

Also, here's a cute detail I noticed: the earrings Drac is wearing reference Count Fabulous from G1 Draculaura's Sweet Screams doll!

And that's it for MH this time! I have one last dolltism thing to share, which is: MEGURINE LUKA IS IN MY HOME

My makeship Luka plush arrived this week! So now her and Miku have been reunited <3 Unfortunately I do not have the Kagamines bc I had to save money around the time they released so I don't have a complete (at least "complete" as of right now) Vocaloid makeship plush collection </3 But hey I'm still really in love with Miku and Luka!

Into the plush pile she goes!

And that's it for Dolltism stuff! Probably for a bit because I have to save money like a mf this upcoming month, and also cause there aren't any upcoming doll releases soon that I'm super interested in.