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annakie · 4 months ago

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I Tripped and Took A Dive Into Another Life

*Edit* OK here's the thing y'all... I've been meaning to make this post since about... April. I swore to myself that I'd make it before the end of the year so, it's December 31st now.

I've been working on it a few days and... it's about half done. I've been working on it most of the afternoon and I want to go do other things.

I'll finish it in a second part, in a day or two.

It's already really, really long. And I am happy to take questions if you have them, either in comments here or in messages! I'll answer those in the part two. :)

The song the title came from is "Medication" by David Wimbish & the Collection and it felt apropos for this post anyway.

One last thing, I'm fine with you sharing links to this post with individuals but reblogs are turned off because there are people with Strong Opinions on this topic and I'm here to talk about MY experience. Thanks!

----

So, as anyone who has paid even a little attention to things I've posted this year is well aware of, I had a really big transformation this year, in a pretty extensive home renovation both inside and out.

If somehow you missed it, or missed part of it, the saga starts here, and I have gone back and added the table of contents to every post for easy navigation. In case you need a novel to read today.

But here's the thing... the house was really just the second biggest transformation in my life this year.

There's been another saga I've been going through this entire year that I've hinted at a little but haven't posted about online (at least not on any social media associated with the name Annakie) that I'll still be on for a good long while, but I'm well, well into.

Throughout this year, I have lost, as of this morning, 124.6 pounds.

I still have around 75.4 to go until I'm where I'd love to be, but I've come a really long way and it's been, honestly, just an incredible year.

I'd like to talk about it in depth, what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I 100% get that reading a post like this isn't for everyone but I have a lot of thoughts I wanted to get down somewhere and maybe reading this will be impactful to someone.

If you are triggered by weight loss, medication, or discussion of size in any way, I would not recommend reading this post. Otherwise...

I am 49 years old and have been fat my entire life.

I was a chubby child. I didn't eat much differently than my friends and brother, I ran and played as much as the other kids, but I was still chubby. I played softball throughout late elementary school and all of junior high. (Surprise! I was the catcher, the position all the stocky kids got.)

My mom struggled with her weight, too, though she always kept it pretty well under control with help from like, Weight Watchers or other programs, but my dad was always naturally skinny.

In high school I did Weight Watchers for a couple of years and Jenny Craig for a couple more, both with my mom (who has always loved me no matter what, but wanted me to be happy when I was not with my weight.) Again, I didn't feel like I ate much different than my friends. I was involved in a ton of extracurricular activities, I took tennis class as my PE credits, and managed the JV and Varsity Basketball and Softball teams, which still took a lot of physical activity.

I was still, while maybe not fat fat, chubby and big enough to get teased by the cruelest kids.

In college, I took weightlifting classes for a couple of years for me PE elective, I was again involved in a lot of activities, but I ate worse, for sure. It was a lot harder to eat well with school cafeteria food or just grabbing whatever was available most of the time, between studies and the like, six clubs I was in I rarely went home. I could have done better, but I also was doing what everyone else was doing.

Hey, I also was on Fen-Phen for a short time in college! Not long enough to actually do damage, I asked.

I was wearing an XL when I was a senior in High School, and in college I was wearing 18/20s. I know this because I still have some clothes from way back then. As a taller girl, about 5'9", I was usually the biggest girl around.

After college, things just got worse. For the rest of my 20's and early 30's I moved around the mid-200's. Sometimes I'd get on a health kick and get down to the lower half of the 200's, sometimes I'd find myself on the higher end.

In the mid-2000's I got informally diagnosed with having PCOS by my doctor. She at least said I had every symptom, including a lower-functioning thyroid, just not low enough to do anything about. We did a scan and there weren't actually cysts on my ovaries, and I've never tried to get pregnant so who knows if it would have been difficult, but my doctor at the time said she was almost positive I had it. Which would explain a lot.

In 2009, at about 34 years old, round about the time I was getting my floors and countertops redone, I also was on my biggest health kick yet. I tried really hard that year, and I found myself down to about 219 pounds at the lowest. I was working out like five times a week, eating right, just really doing everything I could and people were taking notice.

I was so proud of myself and I swore this was IT, I was NEVER getting that fat again. There was a picture a friend sent to me where I was around 280 and I literally told her (TW: Fatphobia) "If I ever look like that again, just go ahead and kill me, lol." Remembering that still makes me cringe.

After I hit the 220's though, things slowed down significantly and I was having a lot of problems getting any more weight off. It was frustrating, I was stalled for weeks, but I was sticking to plan and still trying. I thought I looked great. I felt great.

And then in October 2009, I was driving to work and an idiot pulled out in front of me, causing me to T-bone him (completely his fault). My Acura RSX-S was totaled, along with my right shoulder. I was in pain more or less all over my body for weeks, and the absolute stress of dealing with the aftermath, even though I was completely not at fault, just took over my life.

I also couldn't use that shoulder for many months almost at all, everything was painful. It would be years until it was fully functional again and still tends to get tight if I leave it in certain positions for too long.

I totally lost my grip on my weight loss. I tried to get it back a few times, but with the stress and my inability to work out, and my body working against me, slowly but surely it all went back on.

And more.

---

When I started working at my awesome job in 2012 I'd put quite a bit back on but then we would eat out every day for lunch and I'd often stop for fast food for dinner since finances were much less tight with the new job.

In 2014 my back started hurting. I have scoliosis so I knew at some point back pain would be a daily reality. But apparently I have sciatica (or so I was told) and standing up for awhile caused the lower left side of my back in particular to compress painfully. Bad timing, because right around then was when I started traveling extensively to see the Thrilling Adventure Hour and would work for hours standing at the booth selling merch for them at conventions.

I figured out ways to cope... a baseball in my backpack to lean against the wall and massage my back with. Lidocane heat patches. Just taking time to bend over and try to touch my toes to stretch it out. It wasn't that bad, I figured.

---

I don't know exactly when I crossed the 300 pound threshold but it was before 2017. I know this because I recently asked my doctor if he could see in my records and he said their current record system only goes back that far and I was in the 310s for my first record in the system (he said he could put in a request for older records but I told him no, that was good enough.)

You'd think hitting 300 would be a wake-up call, but it wasn't, really. I put in some halfhearted attempts at weight loss every couple of years, would lose 15 pounds or so and then go back to eating, frankly, pretty terribly. I think really at some point it felt like a lost cause. I'm fat, I'll always be fat, might as well just accept it. I'm just one of those people who can't lose weight due to my PCOS and low-functioning thyroid. I'll just enjoy myself instead.

My eating was, frankly, pretty out of control for several years. I'd eat out or grab fast food pretty much every day, at least one meal a day. Sometimes all three. Meals at home were often things like... frozen pizza, pizza rolls, chicken fingers, Mac and cheese... you know, all the easy to make ultra-processed stuff.

And sometimes dinner would be an entire sleeve of Oreos or Girl Scout Cookies and a glass of milk, or an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, or a big bag of potato chips. Whatever I could mindlessly grab and eat that would be really delicious and I didn't have to think about it.

Sometimes I would get on a cooking kick and do great with making healthy, delicious meals for awhile. Until things got stressful again.

I also got a coffee habit. One of Starbucks, Dunkin' or Scooters was a several times a week stop for me by the late 2010s. A venti white chocolate mocha or a large caramel latte was a typical order, and often a breakfast sandwich or a donut, too.

---

In very early 2020, I thought... I'm going to do something about this. A cousin and a friend had both done lap-band. I talked to my parents and decided to take some money out of savings and maybe get it done.

I consulted with DFW's leading laparoscopic surgeon, who, hilariously I realized when I met him, had taken out my gallbladder in 2005, so hey I already trusted him, on like, March 6th I think, 2020.

I'd done a ton of research and knew what I was getting into. I was going to get it done.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LIKE 10 DAYS LATER?

So, yeah, that never happened. I kept telling myself I would get back to it, but never did.

---

The Pandemic and starting WFH both helped and didn't. I did start cooking a lot more. I'd always go through phases where I'd cook a lot and then not, I'm a pretty good cook. I did Hello Fresh and then a cheaper service called Dinnerly for awhile, and although I picked whatever meals I wanted which often weren't low-calorie, they at least weren't constant takeout.

In late 2022 I started noticing some kind of alarming health things going on. I went to a cardiologist, and I do have a problem which wasn't because of my weight, it was a problem since birth it turns out (again, I asked about the Fen-Phen thing), but also my weight definitely was the cause of it being noticed and acting up.

Some other things happened in 2022. I traveled for the first time since the pandemic started, and I realized even in my first car trip that my body's size was now becoming real problem in travel. When I was going to do my first plane trip, I "splurged" and bought first-class tickets, but really it was an expense I knew was stupid. It was the only way I could fit into a single seat.

I'd been having to ask for a seatbelt extender for a couple of years to make sure the belt would fit... sometimes it would, sometimes it wouldn't depending on the length of the strap, but... I knew I was too big for even that anymore.

I also had to travel for work in the second half of 2022, and I had to go to my bosses and basically tell them... look... I'm too fat for a regular seat. I would be happy to pay the difference between the regular seat fare and first class. My bossess pulled some strings and I got my entire seat paid for. It was kind of mortifying when I felt like I had to explain to my coworkers who were also on that flight why I got to sit in first class, though. (and honestly, they didn't ask, I just... was embarrassed about it but didn't want them to think I was more important than them.)

Between these two things, I started feeling like something needed to change.

AND THEN IT DIDN'T.

---

I can't explain it except for like a mental break, but in 2023 I was much, much worse. I was pretty happy in every area of my life, but my eating just... went completely off the rails.

Morning Coffee out at, usually Dunkin', a latte that had about 1000 calories in it every morning, plus a donut or two.

I ordered Grubhub multiple times a week, getting enough food to last a few meals.

And just absolutely eating every fatty, sugary thing I could get my hands on. I'd gotten a pretty substantial pay boost over the the last couple of years with switching jobs twice... I could afford it, who cares?

I ate my way through denials of my worsening health. I ate my way through worsening back pain. I ate so that my pretty big desk chair was starting to feel tight. I only had one pair of jeans and a handful of shirts that fit and looked good.

I eschewed basically all physical activity. My house was starting to fall into clutter again.

I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without crippling back pain.

I knew it was out of control but I felt helpless. Everything else in life was pretty good, except this one thing, that was really affecting everything else.

---

I went to our company Christmas party and was in pain with sitting in chairs that were too small. And then horrifyingly, one night we had to walk two blocks down to the barcade nearby.

Halfway through the walk there was a bench, and I told everyone to go on ahead and sat down on it. My buddy Eric, who has known me since 2000, sat with me, and he didn't say anything about it, but he knew that things had gotten bad and offered me some sympathy about my back.

But it was mortifying.

We got to the barcade and my back hurt so bad that I "held down the fort" at a table, socializing with everyone who came to eat and watched everyone's stuff, instead of playing video games.

A few days later they posted pics of the 2-day long event on the company intranet and I couldn't even look at the pictures of me.

---

I drove to be with my brother/SIL/Niece and Nephews for Christmas and where the seatbelt buckles in dug into my hip so bad it bruised. I already had to have the seat all the way back and my stomach was starting to brush against the steering wheel.

It was hard walking up the flight of stairs in my brother's house, my lower legs would start to cramp up, so I only went up there to go to bed at night and brought everything else I'd want that day down with me.

Honestly, I was physically miserable, though mentally I don't think I was depressed or anything.

By the time the drive happened, though, I had started thinking it was time to try to turn things around.

I'd had my annual visit with the cardiologist and he was frank with me, if I didn't get better, dying in my 50's was a possibility. He suggested I talk to my PCP about getting real help.

So I made an appointment, and had it the day before I took the drive for Christmas.

---

I weighed in at a little over 350 at the doctor's office. This was in the early afternoon, so I'd eaten and was wearing clothes. But the number sent me reeling.

My PCP agreed with my cardiologist, and was really happy I'd come to him for help.

He told me that he had several patients who'd been doing well on Mounjaro, which he explained was the "newer, better Ozempic."

I'd heard about Ozempic of course, but figured it was bullshit just like everything else I'd tried. I'd done a couple of other fad diets and medications I didn't mention here before. I was doubtful, it sounded like a thing celebrities were doing to drop 20 pounds and that wasn't where I was.

My doctor gave me a prescription and told me that it's likely my insurance didn't cover it, and it was really expensive, but to go do research and let him know.

The lap band idea was still kicking around in my head. My doctor said though, that surgery was a permanent solution, let's try not getting surgery first and see how it went. The surgery would be there later if I needed it.

I went on my Christmas trip to my brother's, then decided to put off thinking about it until the new year, 2024.

---

I really wasn't sure I'd do it. But the first week of January, 2024 I typed in mounjaro.com, and read through the website, and saw that actually Zepbound was the same thing but prescribed for weightloss instead of diabetes. So I read almost all of that website, too.

I then went to the Mounjaro subreddit and started reading posts.

And I read. And read. And read. I read every post I could find about every question I had. For like a week or two most of my free time was spent reading the Mounjaro and then Zepbound (which in those days was not moderated and a very wild west) subreddits, or trying to figure out if I could afford this medication.

The posts in the subreddits were unlike any weight loss discussion I'd seen, and I've seen a lot.

A lot of posts about the side effects of the medication, which looked not great, but also a lot of people assuring others that most people only had mild side effects.

So many posts with advice about nutrition, supplements, shot timing and placement, how to get it, how to afford it.

There were so many before and after posts, people who started out looking like me or even bigger who now looked so much smaller.

But best of all were the posts where people described how taking this medicine quieted their brains, and just shut the fucking voice up that was constantly screaming for food even when you knew you weren't hungry.

I honestly thought it was just me that felt that way. The you could eat an entire nutritious, delicious meal and your brain would still be saying "EAT MORE! MORE!!" That voice never, ever stopped unless it was satisfied, that you'd eaten more than you wanted to eat and literally could not eat another bite. Then it went away, for an hour or two.

There were posts that made me cry, because for the first time I felt like people were talking about food and eating and how it felt like their brains were broken regarding food, and this medication made them feel like what was broken was fixed. They could eat and be satisfied for a long time. That hunger wasn't an ever-present all-consuming force in their lives anymore. That they'd felt that way since they were a child and they don't anymore.

I'd always felt that way, too.

This medication... sounded too good to be true.

But just reading these posts on reddit made me want to believe. I wanted to feel the way they were feeling now, too.

Maybe it would work.

---

I soon learned that my insurance would not cover Mounjaro or Zepbound, but that there was a "Savings Card" that would bring the price down to a "mere" $550 per month (from $1100+). I filled out the paperwork and was granted my savings card.

Still sounded like a lot, but I was willing to try for a couple of months.

So I called the pharmacy and told them to please fill the prescription. They didn't have any, they said. Call around and see if someone else did and they'd transfer the prescription there.

So I called several other Walgreens and CVSs near me and every one of them told me the same.

Crazy. Frustrating.

I'd seen this word whispered around the subreddits, though, compound. Said in ways that made it sound mysterious and dangerous. But, by the middle of January I was on a mission.

I started cleaning out my pantry and fridge, I bought healthier food, I started researching the newest apps and technology to track your food and fitness, and though I wasn't making huge changes yet, I hadn't gone to Dunkin' or ordered takeout except once or twice all year so far, which was at least an improvement. I'd signed back up for Dinnerly a couple of weeks prior and modified my upcoming selections to be low-er calorie meals.

And I started looking into this compound thing.

---

So it turns out that when a medication has to be specially made for someone OR a medication is in shortage, that these other specialty pharmacies are allowed to make "copies" of that medicine. And Ozempic/Wegovy and Mounjaro/Zepbound were all in shortage, so many people were getting on both of them.

And thus, these specialty pharmacies are allowed to make copies of those drugs. It sounded sketchy to me at first, and then I followed a bunch of threads and videos and looked into it enough that I decided the fact that you could get it for a significantly cheaper price was worth the risk. I found the subreddits for people on the compound versions (mostly compoundedtirzepatide and tirzepatidecompound - tirzepatide is the official name of the medication) and by the third week of January, selected a company that looked legit. I looked into a LOT of companies and many of them felt very sketchy, but this one didn't. This was a company called Mochi.

NOTE ADDED LATER: Mochi has had SEVERAL scandals in the last couple of months. They used to be a reputable company when I used them but no longer are. Do not use them, although I speak about them positively here, as I had a positive experience but since then they have lost reputation.

What I liked about this company is that they assigned a real, actual doctor to you that you had a telehealth visit with before you could get on the medication, the website and intake form looked legit, and you got a nutritionist to speak to as well. It wasn't the cheapest company ($400/month a that point, they've lowered prices since then I've heard) but I decided a place that was a little more professional was worth it.

I signed up, paid my membership fees and got a telehealth appointment for a week away.

---

That week felt like it took forever, but during that week I ordered a digital scale. It said, naked and first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom, I weighed 345 pounds.

I met with my Mochi physician, Dr. Kim and he was great. I made an appointment with the nutritionist, and I waited for my meds to arrive.

I joined loseit.com to start tracking my food intake. My first tracking day was January 30th, 2024. I used some online tools to calculate a range of how many calories a day I should eat and made that my goal. I didn't meet that goal several of first few days after I set my goal, it was too hard. I was fucking hungry.

I changed the way I ate, I had gotten a new rice cooker with a steamer basket on top and would make a half a cup (dry) of brown rice with 6 ounces of chicken breast, plus a bunch of carrot and onion, topped with a few tablespoons of teriyaki or some other sauce. A big, healthy and delicious lunch and three hours after I ate this bounty my stomach would be growling again.

I made my lower-calorie Dinnerly meals for dinner and had gotten rid of the worst of the foods in my fridge and pantry but, honestly, the last few days of January and first 8 days of February were a struggle. I was white-knuckling it and barely staying under my 2000 calorie goal for the day. It was really hard, but I wanted to get my body used to doing better before I introduced the new variable of medication to it.

In fact, on Feb 8th I made this note in LoseIt:

Just wanted to note how miserable this afternoon was. Even after eating a big bowl of DELICIOUS protein and fiber for lunch I was hungry 2 hours later and couldn't stop thinking about food. Was hungry an hour after eating the apple + p b. Beef Jerky just tied me over. Dinner was satiating for the rest of the night finally. Most of the days since I'd been calorie tracking again had been like this. Knowing I'd be getting relief in a few days with the Tirz kept me sane and on track.

Still, I managed to lose 5 pounds in those two weeks. I was proud of me, but it was so difficult that I knew I couldn't keep it up on my own.

I also spent this time watching several videos on how to draw medication from a vial and administer a shot to yourself. Everyone assured me, -- Dr. Kim, lots of posts on Reddit and videos on Youtube, that it was easy and relatively painless.

I ordered a bunch of things to combat every side effect people said might happen.

My PCP had also given me a prescription for an anti-nausea medication so I had that on hand.

I contemplated telling him that I'd chosen to do compound, but decided to hold off, see the results, and would go to him in a couple of months with the results. A lot of people online said their doctors were against compound, so I was nervous.

---

On February 7th my medication arrived via FedEx. That was a Wednesday. I'd decided to hold off taking my first shot until Friday. I warned my boss that I might be out that day, and at about 7:30 in the morning pulled my medication out of the fridge, watched one last "How to inject" video, read all the instructions and labels on the medication, washed my hands really well, prayed for no side effects, and filled the vial after using the alcohol pad to clean the vial top and my injection site. Turns out filling the syringe from the vial was the tricky part, but I figured it out.

(TW: Needles, skip this paragraph.) I triple checked my dosage was right, pinched the skin at the injection site, then cringed as I put the needle on my stomach. I pushed it in. Oh, yeah a tiny, tiny prick but not really painful. The needle went in, I pressed down on the plunger until the syringe was empty, waited a few seconds, and pulled it out.

Hm... that really wasn't that hard, and it didn't really hurt, either! Nice!

I cleaned everything up, and put the medication back in its little container, then back in the fridge.

And then woah, nausea. Not too bad, like maybe a 4 out of 10. I grabbed the Zofran my PCP prescribed and took one, with my morning Dunkin'. Oh yeah, I'd found new Dunkin'... ISO100 Dunkin' Donuts Morning Mocha Protein Powder. Caffeinated protein powder for my morning coffee. A good compromise.

After about a minute, the nausea passed. I sat down at my desk and got to work.

The morning passed normally. I ate 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread with Cream Cheese (trying to replace my usual bagel or donut) and had an actual cup of coffee with high-protein milk and caramel syrup.

These are my notes in LoseIt for my first day:

First Day

Took shot at 7:45am. Felt minor nausea about 5 minutes after. Took Zofran and it went away. Definitely felt satiated longer before lunch, though was somewhat hungry by the time I ate around 12:30. Very satiated all afternoon, which was a HUGE improvement. Last few days the afternoons have been a struggle. Ate only two cookies and little desire for more after they came. Wasn't all that hungry when I ate dinner, did it anyway. Very satiated still. Drinking Protein shake to get in more protein and calories and could do without.

---

What I didn't really record there is what exactly happened at lunch.

I made the lunch I'd been eating a lot lately, brown rice, chicken, veggies and teriyaki sauce.

And I got like, three fourths of the way through the bowl when it was time to eat.

Then I picked up the bowl to take another bite and I got this feeling almost like "Ewwwww." Not quite ew, though, maybe more like "Ugh."

I looked down at my bowl of very delicious and healthy food and... it was almost like something audible in my body. Just this feeling of "No."

It wasn't nausea, either. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of "No. You've had enough." I looked at the remainder of my food and didn't want anymore. I'd enjoyed it, the rest of it would also taste delicious, but I just felt no desire to keep eating.

"But that's crazy!" I thought. "I'm not full. I'm at least not stuffed. I've been eating this exact lunch most days for the last two weeks! It's great! But even this bowl doesn't actually fill me up! I need to eat all of it or I'll be hungry again in an hour!!"

"Naaaah," another part of me, maybe my stomach part of me said, "you don't. You've had enough. Just stop now. I promise. Really."

"This is insane," I thought. "I'm going to be hungry and miserable again soon."

"Trust me," the other part of me said. "You took your first shot today, maybe this is the medication working."

So, feeling like this was foolish, I covered the bowl with some cling film and put the rest of it in the fridge. I'd want it again soon.

...AND THEN I DIDN'T.

---

I ate my full dinner that night, and I'm not sure I ever finished my lunch.

My only recorded snacks that day were my protein shake and two Girl Scout Cookies.

My niece is a Girl Scout and I had stupidly ordered cookies, doing the thing I always do and say I'll just donate them or give them to a neighbor.

Welp, the cookies arrived THAT DAY. The day of my first shot.

Typically, this would have been cause for half a box to disappear before the day was out, maybe the entire box.

That night, I had two with my protein shake.

Two cookies.

I had two, and I didn't want any more. I was happy with the two.

I was so FUCKING proud of myself. I stayed in my calorie budget that day.

In fact, most days for the next month and a half I had two cookies for a snack at night. I think I'd gotten 6 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, and y'all the first weekend of April every year there's a local gaming conference I go to. I ended up bringing my last two boxes of cookies to the conference for snacks for the table. I had like two out of each of those boxes as snacks that weekend but they were gone pretty early from everyone else eating them, and I was glad.

Those cookies wouldn't have lasted a week before.

---

That Sunday, the 11th I had 1600 calories and I noted in LoseIt that it was HARD to eat that much. The Tirzepatide is strongest 2 days after injection.

---

Monday, February 12th:

Learning how much is "enough" Over the weekend the satiation stayed HIGH. Yesterday was a real struggle to get enough calories in. Today I'm working on better figuring out portion sizes. I think I got just the right amount of portion for lunch. What's amazing is I pretty early on figured out when my stomach is telling me "Enough!" during a meal. I get a very tiny amount of prickly feeling in my upper stomach. Doesn't really "hurt" like pain, just enough to know "Oh, ok, it wants to be done now." And then no problem pushing the food away. It's amazing. And not feeling the same kind of hunger? Like I get a "yeah, I could eat" feeling but not that ravenous "can't stop thinking about food" feeling. It's enough to know my body is ready for food, but it's dulled enough that I don't feel the need for as much as I could possibly eat? Having girl scout cookies in the house and being like "yeah I could eat two and then not think about them anymore" is also amazing. They're there. I don't need them. I know I'll get two sometime tonight, and that's fine. The worst part is just having that full feeling almost all the time, so that's slightly uncomfortable, but also great in making me just not feel like eating MORE. Yesterday especially felt "ugh I have to cram more food to get more calories and I don't wanna" and I've been significantly under calories, which I know isn't good. I need to make the most out of every meal for protein and fiber. Thursday should be a "Hungry day" - will not feel bad about hitting calorie limit that day if I do so. Tirz is such a game changer.

---

Tirzepatide is supposed to be a once a week shot. It's at its weakest the last 2 days before injection day.

Thursday, February 15th: Woke up this morning early and with definite hunger. Had a Protein shake around 7:30 - 8. Was about to start breakfast at 8:30 when got a call to take Pemily to the vet early. DID NOT STOP FOR STARBUCKS/DUNKIN' ON THE WAY HOME. Was barely tempted. VICTORY! (I, without a doubt, would have stopped for SOMETHING on the way home before Tirzepatide.) Had breakfast VERY late (10:15). Had lunch at 1:30. Was supposed to be 3 flour tortillas with meat. Just went ahead and spread the meat to two tortillas. Couldn't finish the second one. Left it for dinner. IDK if I can eat that plus the rest of what I'm supposed to eat. May just leave out the tortillas entirely for dinner. But I need the calories!? It's very, VERY VERY VERY VERY weird to have this "UGH wait I HAVE TO EAT MORE?" problem??! Today is day before 2nd shot. Yeah, a little hunger now but the satiation is there after I eat. Felt the "OK you can stop now" feeling I was afraid I'd miss. Insane. Can't believe this is real, can't believe this is ME. I love it so much. --- Saturday, February 17th: Stop making so much rice. Just a reminder that you absolutely will not eat a half cup of rice as a serving ever again. Stop it, dumby.

(This has almost always been true so far.)

---

The first month was a time of learning. I had set myself calorie and protein goals, it can't be stressed enough how important protein is on the rapid weight loss journey. I was trying to get 120 - 150g in per day. Most days I made that, a few I didn't. Adding in protein shakes and starting to subtract carbs like pasta became something to work on. I didn't change everything out all of a sudden but through the first couple of months would learn something and adjust.

By the end of the month the number of calories I could stand per day had really started to drop. My goal of 2000 calories a day meant I was about 600 under maintenance which would hopefully net me a pound or two of loss per week. I didn't want to drop crazy fast. I didn't want to shock my system. I just wanted to adjust and figure out a better way without hating everything I ate. Finding ways to still eat the stuff I liked for the most part while still making better choices.

By the end of February, despite eating usually 1800 - 2000 calories a day (sometimes a bit more, but more often a bit less) I'd lost almost 15 pounds. At least half of that was probably inflammation and water weight.

After my first shot, it wasn't even hard. I was eating two cookies every night (and one night I had 5, and didn't feel good about it, but still stayed under calories that day.)

I'd also met with my Mochi nutritionist, and she suggested adding in some supplements. A woman's multivitamin, fish oil for heart health (shoutout to Nordic Naturals, they don't give the fish burps!), Magnesium and a probiotic to help with digestion, and a fiber gummy to help with fiber. That adds about 35 calories a day, which I always record.

I kept on doing Dinnerly meals for awhile, eventually doing things like not eating two of the six tortillas that came with the tacos to leave more calories for protein. Dropping almost any pasta-focused meals, etc. Eventually I just realized I was wasting and adjusting around their meals so much it wasn't worth it, and started doing my own meal planning more.

---

So, let's digress a minute here to talk about what Tirzepatide does.

Here's a cool chart I stole from someone's reddit post who stole it from somewhere else on the internet, apologies to the creator for no credit:

Look, I'm not going to pretend I understand all of those things.

But here's the four most important things, to me at least.

First, It lowers insulin resistance. This is the reason diabetics so easily gain weight usually. And apparently people with PCOS have this problem too. So it like, tirzepatide literally makes it easier to lose weight physically. My weight has been coming off steadily, and although I've had some small stalls, I have faith that the medication and sticking to my Plan is working, and that the scale number will drop again in a few days, maybe a week. And it always has.

Second, It lowers inflammation. So many people, myself included, find themselves in significantly less pain due to less inflammation. Guess what... that means it's like, easier to move around! And get more body movement in which means... burning more calories! YMMV on this one but it was great for me. More on that later.

The third big thing it does is quiets the "food noise". When I was talking way earlier about reading the reddit posts, and people saying how their brain is not constantly, constantly, constantly telling them to eat more, until you want to fucking puke, that is what food noise means. It means there are girl scout cookies in a box behind you and your brain will NOT SHUT UP about those girl scout cookies, even if you have eaten a full lunch an hour ago, until you eat the fucking cookies and eat so many you want to puke. Until the box is GONE.

That voice in my brain... it's not 100% gone every minute now, but even when I DO hear it, even when there's something I really, really want, it doesn't control me anymore.

Maybe I'll have one cookie, even two, and then I can stop! Or maybe I'll go have a 25 calorie stick of jerky (shoutout to Snack Mates chicken jerky sticks! They've been my go-to tiny snack for most of the year and they always hit the spot) instead, and that shuts the stupid voice off.

It's such a game changer. Y'all, Tirzepatide doesn't just shut up the addiction voice for food, and yeah, I definitely WAS addicted to food. It's also either being studied for or approved for drug and alcohol addiction as well. There are so many people who were alcoholics or smoked a pack a day or whatever who started taking Tirzepatide and then either significantly lowered or STOPPED their intake of these things. I believe it's also being studied for other addictions like gambling. (Google it, there's lots of articles about it out there.)

I know it almost sounds like mind control but it truly does quiet addiction voices. My mind is so much freer now (lol I know that sounds like something a cultist would say but please believe me). I have more space in my head for my hobbies and to concentrate on work because I'm not thinking about food all the damn time.

I don't think I could have made it through the stress of this summer/fall's renovations in nearly the same way if my brain was as full of the noise as it was before.

I am truly mentally in such a better place because of what this medication does to a person mentally.

Like, hell yeah I still DO look forward to a good meal. Yeah I still want chocolate! Food still tastes AMAZING, just like it always did. It's just that I'm not thinking about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Once my stomach is like "It's cool, we can stop now." instead of my brain going "fuck you, stomach, we're eating more!" my brain can go "Oh, nice, thanks for letting me know, you're right, let's stop now." and be DONE with it.

And look, I've still overeaten on occasion, we'll get to that. But even when I DO eat too much, which isn't often and is almost always a special occasion like going out to eat (which I rarely do and only with other people) or Christmas Dinner, it's like "Welp, that wasn't great, let's do better tomorrow."

And then I do.

But I haven't truly binged like I used to, pretty much at all. A handful of moments of weakness or "nope I really am going to finish all this" in the last ten months. Not every couple of days.

OKAY the FOURTH THING Tirzepatide does is that it slows digestion. Remember how I said how I'd eat a big, delicious meal and then two hours later I'd be Actually Hungry again and wanting to eat more?

No more of that. I eat something and I stay full for a long time. They call it "Delayed gastric emptying." The stomach slows down. Food is digested slower, and better. Usually.

This is fantastic for just physically NOT being hungry a lot! So Tirzepatide addresses both mental AND physical hunger. It's SO GREAT eating a decent meal and staying full until about the next time you should be eating. And sometimes past that.

Sometimes it sucks because you know you haven't eaten enough calories today and UGH what do you MEAN I have to eat MORE!? Can I just... not!?

The other big reason this could suck is that in very rare cases people's digestion tracts have paralyzed, meaning they don't digest at all. Typically this is people who overdose on the medication apparently and it's extremely rare but very bad if it happens. The main thing to avoid here is just... taking too much medication. Stay on the lowest effective dose for you. I've been on it almost 11 months now and am still on the 3rd (of 6) dose level. I am hoping to not need to go up more.

More on that later.

The best way I can describe being on Tirzepatide is that I finally, finally FINALLY just feel normal about food. Food is great, but I don't think about it all the time. The only reason I think about it as much as I do is because I very much want to make sure I eat within my calorie range every day and get in enough protein every day. So I still do think about food "a lot" compared to an average person, but I'm thinking about it in a "let's make sure we eat well, around the times we're supposed to eat so that we don't have to eat too much at the end of the day, and get in enough protein and calories today!" way and not "How many cookies can I cram into my face and how soon until I can do that?" way.

Obviously as the graphic above says it does other things, but these are the main changes most people feel.

---

Okay, like I said, this is CRAZY long and yet I have like 10 more months worth of things to discuss, more technical information to talk about, and a lot of really positive things to share.

Please send questions if you have them, or if you just want to about it, I'm VERY happy to do so.

Another post in a day or two! <3

Part Two Here

Part Three Here

#personal post tag thingy #annakie's weightloss stuff

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cobra-creampuff · 8 months ago

Text

and one more thing. i like thinking about what if mickey was - depending on your definition - a virgin before he was with ian. it's really not much of a stretch tbh.

he's 16(?) their first time together

he's DEEPLY closeted

he may or may not be in denial, i go back and forth on this (and yes i know that extra-canonical sources have said he is, i don't care about the council's decision whether it's a stupidass one or not)

so like my thought is. he's pretty young. i know shameless has literally everybody fucking casually by the time they're fourteen but that is absolutely one of the most unrealistic aspects of the show lmfao. so anyway, he's pretty young. so there's that.

if we say he's in denial, and we take into account that he later is shocked by and very against the idea of pegging, it's pretty unlikely that he would seek out or ask for penetration even from women. and even in denial, it's not unbelievable that he wouldn't try rounding bases with women more conventionally either, although of course some people do. it might just not occur to him, or it might be too off-putting to go through with when he isn't being forced.

+ i kind of think that if mickey is in denial by the time of canon, it's the "i have more important things to worry about than getting a girlfriend" flavor, rather than a more "i am definitely into women and i can prove it" flavor. just because like. he really does have more important things to worry about. his one parent seems to be in jail more often than not and his siblings don't seem to have a collaborative relationship like the gallaghers do. mickey must have to spend a lot of time and energy on getting his basic needs met. if he has no interest in women, there's a readily available reasoning that has no relation to his sexuality (meaning he never has to think about it at all).

if he isn't in denial, he still can't hook up with anyone in his neighborhood. ian does while still closeted himself, but he's not as paranoid about someone telling on him as mickey is - not to mention ian doesn't care if other gay people know he's gay, why would he? but mickey doesn't just not want to be out, he doesn't want to be gay. just as much if not more, he doesn't want to be vulnerable. so he's not about to tell some kid at school, even if he knows for sure that they're gay too. he needs everyone around him to only know things that make him intimidating. so first of all, he needs to be bullying that kid. more relevantly, he needs to be seen as untouchable, which by necessity means he needs to be untouched. or at the very least not touched in any kind of way that involves even the remotest genuine intimacy, and a shared secret certainly is that - not even getting into the intimacy of doing something you have some type of Feeling about that can only be done with another person.

so if he did want to hook up, he'd have to go Somewhere Else to do it. but now there are so many active steps he has to take, so many times he has to choose over and over again to go Be GayTM, some of which are already GayTM in themselves. he has to decide he wants it enough to do it. he has to decide how far away is far enough. he has to look up and find a gay bar. he has to figure out how to get there. he has to pick a date and time. he has to earn and save enough money for transportation and at least one drink. he has to make up an excuse to have ready if he gets questioned when he leaves or gets home. he has to actually fucking go to a gay bar. he has to actually go inside a gay bar when he gets there. he has to order a drink at a gay bar. he has to stay at a gay bar. he has to look at other men gayly. in person. on purpose. and be seen doing it. if no one picks him up first, he has to pick up another man. he has to communicate in some way to another man that he wants to have sex with him. he has to pick somewhere immediate to do it, because no way is he going to share enough time with this guy to get to a secondary location. and only after all of those steps, many of them likely to require several attempts, none of them easy, only THEN can he finally have the sex. AND!! even then, he still has to bring himself to Be GayTM enough to get involved with the guy's dick. it's easy enough to rationalize later that a mouth is a mouth and the gender of the person it's attached to doesn't really matter; it's much harder to say that about penetrative sex. less so if you top, but still.

so. in my professional opinion. it's very believable that before ian, the "furthest" mickey had gone was receiving a blowjob. and of course he would have skipped right over kissing. (like obviously it's also believable that he would go through all those steps; a teenager will go to the fucking moon if they're horny enough and ready + there's plenty of text to support mickey being the type of guy that if he's gonna do it he's gonna do it all. and it's also believable that he might have been sexually active or at least not completely inactive with women despite not being attracted to them, with textual support for that too. but that's not what we're talking about rn!)

so okay. sure, all that. but then why ian?

well. there's text to suggest mickey maybe had a little crush on ian already. constantly making a nuisance of himself at ian's workplace. staying long enough to put on a little (non-violent) show about it when ian's there, as compared to efficiently hitting and robbing kash when ian is absent. calling him an arguably flattering if crass (and it's mickey so flattering but crass is... just flattering) nickname that directly references his pubic hair - *katya voice* UN-PRO-VOKED!

ian is good looking, obviously. he's got the red hair, which is a preference i like to think mickey had before that being with ian just compounded. perhaps exponentially lmfao. ian also has a personality we can reasonably assume is attractive to mickey even before he knows him that well. he's assertive and brave enough to challenge mickey directly, and especially with kash to compare to ian is definitely a Big Tough Man (even if that's more in attitude than in body at that particular point). and the fact that he's not afraid and not overly aggressive either gives at least some measure of impression that he doesn't have much need or desire for the upper hand - nonthreatening without being weak, wimpy, or boring.

now. not all bottoms are subs. this is true. and not all subs like it rough, and some people who like it rough aren't subs even if they are bottoms. all true. i implore you to look at mickey. now look into your heart. now look at mickey. you know these disclaimers are, in this case, only disclaimers. as such, you KNOW that fight - and ian being the one to start it, even if he didn't win - got mickey so so fired up.

so. ian's hot. he's mickey's type. mickey is teenager horny generally, and now also horny situationally. they are in mickey's bed. mickey is in a mild state of undress. they are touching. ian is between mickey's legs. he's not taking advantage of mickey's hesitation - and he only threatened and then defended himself, never actually getting more aggressive than necessary, i.e. he won't hurt mickey if mickey gives him physical opportunity. the vibes say ian won't use knowledge of mickey's sexuality against him afterward. it's possible mickey already knows he's gay (he seems to, but i always took the potential indications as a continuity error since there's really no sub/textual reason why he would and there are many other such cases).

he's right there, right now, and mickey wants him, and he's safe. bada boom bada bang, baby.

and. one more thing. i like to think about. if mickey hadn't had sex before ian. and we accept that he was lying about having sex in juvie (which we do). and we accept that he was lying about having sex with angie (which we do). and we discount the 3.06 incident with svetlana, since it wasn't consensual (which we do). and we accept that the trucker lady he used to humiliate himself but didn't actually have sex with was the only sexual contact he had while ian was away because he was too miserable to want any, as seems pretty strongly implied (which we do). and if we accept that the show was tragically canceled in the s4 hiatus (which we do lol).

then. in that case. ian is not only mickey's First Time (depending on your definition) and First Kiss, but in fact his only "all the way" sexual partner and only kiss. (and also first and only given bj.)

like, don't get me wrong, i don't believe in or enjoy the First, Last, & Only thing in a purity or like one-true-love way, that shit sucks. however. in a possessive way? pretty sexy. and i know ian would agree. he told me so himself.

(i also just kind of like the idea for mickey specifically. like he fully believed that he would never ever in his whole life ever have the kind of intimacy he has with ian in the end. that it was straight up impossible and there wasn't any point in even so much as thinking about it. and then... he gets it anyway, on his very first try.) (disclaimer again: yes romantic and sexual relationships aren't the only intimate relationships, no monogamy and/or long term commitment aren't inherently more intimate than other dynamics nor are they mutually necessary, yes relationships that end have equal benefit and value to relationships that don't. post not intended to be representational or reflect a widely applicable worldview it's just about this one specific guy etc etc, brought to you by a polyamorous aromantic wejustdon'tknowsexual believe me i get it i know it i live it.)

#jack facts #can't tell if this one's long enough it needs to go under a cut. oh no. anyway.#shameless #mickey milkovich #gallavich #hc #orange

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scarfacemarston · 3 months ago

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Hi! it's me again i requested Yelena x Reader hc

I meant things they might do on Valentine's day together and how Yelena would feel about the day overall.

Yelena's Valentine's Day with the F! Reader!

I tried hard to make this romantic or queer platonic! I hope I succeeded.

Yelena knows what Valentine's is, but it's not celebrated as widely in Russia as in the United States. However, it's not like she would have celebrated it as a Black Widow unless she was undercover in a relationship and was required to celebrate then while undercover. Yelena thinks it's a stupid holiday. She thinks love doesn't have to be proven constantly, especially through frivolous gifts and big romantic gestures. Additionally, she believes that if you love someone, then they should already know it through the everyday actions and time spent together.

However, if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, then she will reluctantly do so because she's a simp and cares for you.

She wishes she had Natasha to ask, and she sure as hell isn't going to ask Alexei or Melina….so she texts Kate in a roundabout way, asking for advice, which Kate enthusiastically gives. Yelena only accepts….10% of it.

First, she would know your love language. (Love languages can still be involved in queerplatonic relationships.) That would be her guide for the rest of the preparations.

However, do NOT expect anything grand or overly romantic. That is not her style.

Bucky actually gives her the best advice and tells her to simply be herself.

"Your partner fell for you because you are you. No one else. No false identities to hide behind, but you as a person, strengths and flaws and all. I see the way Reader looks at you and I may not know a lot about a lot of things, but I recognize that affection. Don't beat yourself up over this, don't overcomplicate it. At the end of the day, it's about your care for one another. Now if only I could follow my own advice."

Despite this, Yelena still struggles because she has only recently started to develop her own sense of self.

Yelena would much rather stay in and celebrate rather than go out. The restaurants would be a mess on Valentine's Day anyway. She isn't much of a cook, but she can handle herself. Part of her gift is definitely making you breakfast and your favorite dinner. You can bet she went to that special bakery to pick up your favorite sweets.

If you drink, she would absolutely find some of the best wine or vodka available to the point where you're wondering where she got it, but you know Yelena has her ways.

As for material gifts, she finds jewelry, chocolates, and flowers to be too stereotypical and too "lovey-dovey," but if she thinks you want it, then by gosh, are you getting them, regardless of how Yelena will tease you about it later on.

She would much rather give you an experience that you two could share, like a concert or a weekend getaway. She would put the tickets or hotel reservations in a box and wrap it with a bow because she would feel like it was more related to Valentine's Day.

If she's feeling particularly inspired, she might drive you outside of town to stargaze, where she'd relax and tell stories from her childhood or talk about her dreams and goals for the future. All of which she hopes are with you.

When you get home, she draws a bath. Nothing sexual about the actions, just a relaxing bubble bath with the two of you bathing each other and cuddling.

If your relationship is sexual, she is more inclined to get a toy for the two of you to use for your activities. However, to her, it doesn't matter if the sex is on Valentine's Day or not. If you're both tired, why bother? It's just a day to her. She'd much rather you enjoy yourselves.

The night ends with you two turning something lame on Netflix to poke fun at while cuddling and taking turns playing with each other's hair.

You appreciate everything Yelena has done for you and give her a sweet kiss and an earnest "Thank you." She tries to shrug it off but can't help the warm glow she feels inside.

#yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x female reader #black widow #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #yelena belova imagine #white widow #thunderbolts

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writingquestionsanswered · 11 months ago

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Why don't you accept questions about certain sensitive topics? You could tag the touchy topics, put the answers under the "Read More" cut, and warn them, so people can avoid them if they don't feel comfortable with the subject matter; it's on them if they chose to read regardless and they get upset as a result.

It's a personal choice, not an audience choice. #1 - I'm the one who isn't comfortable with the subject matter.

#2 - "The subject matter" in question mostly involves subjects that are best handled by experts in fields that deal with those subjects. As I'm not a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker/counselor, etc. and I don't even write about those subjects, I don't feel particularly qualified to answer those questions anyway.

#3 - I'm uncomfortable with the degree to which these topics are exploited by edge lords who include them in stories for drama, shock value, and other bad faith reasons, and I don't want to perpetuate or condone this.

#4 - There is a staggering amount of free, easy to access information on all of these topics available with a quick Google search, not to mention numerous YouTube videos and books as well. I am a firm believer that anyone who wishes to include these topics thoughtfully and respectfully isn't looking for a cheat sheet from a writing blog, but is putting in the time and effort to research the topics on their own.

I apologize if this is an inconvenience. My posts WQA’s Guide to Internet Research and Writing About Difficult to Research Topics can help you with research. ♥

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pukei-pukei · 2 months ago

Text

Spoiler-Free Wilds Review

I've played through the bulk of Wilds content available at launch and figured I'd share my thoughts on it here. My platform is Steam/PC. TLDR at the bottom!

Gameplay

The fights are great - which is good, considering that's the main point of the game! I can't recall a time I got really frustrated or bored during a hunt; hitboxes were good, movesets were fun (and often visually incredible), and the difficulty felt pretty reasonable. I didn't cart once in Low Rank and I cart rarely in High Rank, but I've been around the block with these games and I know what I'm doing. I can imagine Rey Dau and Arkveld are wiping the floor with new hunters.

I've only used Insect Glaive so far and I quite like this iteration of it. The wound breaking focus attack gets you all three Kinsect essences, which chains very well into the new flashy Super Spin attack that costs all Kinsect essences. I gotta say it feels bizarre to use charge attacks on IG, but I do love the Super Spin. (That's not what it's actually called but it's what I'm calling it.)

The Seikret is very cute and very convenient. Almost too convenient. I've been making an effort to learn the layout of the locales, but you can absolutely just have AutoBird take you everywhere and practically not interact with the environment at all. You gotta change the control scheme to manual though, trying to go anywhere with the default control type feels like trying to tame a wild horse. Horrible.

The Palico is also very good in this entry. Almost too good. From the start of the game they basically have every gadget from World equipped simultaneously, and upgrading to have things like Vigorwasp Revive or a damn mini airship is as easy as hunting one monster or catching a bug. They can even clear status ailments now!

The multiplayer mechanics are, uh... something. Once you're in a quest together it's the same as usual, though wound management can be a hassle sometimes. I need them and my teammates also need them and there's not that many to go around.

However, actually getting in the same session with friends is way more of a hassle than it needs to be. There's like three or four different ways to join each other and none of them are intuitive. Link party? Lobby? Environment link? Huh??? I miss the sessions from World, especially the fact you could just set it so your Steam friends can easily join but no one else can. The ability to add friends in the game is really nice, though, and I love the Online Singleplayer option. Finally! A PAUSE BUTTON!

Environments

The environments are one of the main selling points of the game and they definitely don't fall short. The locales are massive and spectacular with very unique takes on the classic Monster Hunter biomes. (The final locale is even more unique, but that's big spoiler territory.)

The seasons look incredible, but they don't seem to have much of an actual impact on hunts, honestly. They do absolutely have gameplay impacts, but not quite as much as I'd hoped. Mostly tweaks to the kinds of monsters and gathering nodes. Not sure what I'd change about them, though; maybe altering the map a bit for certain seasons, like having certain paths blocked off or opened up depending on the season.

I will say it's bizarre that they kept the tracks system from World, but just show you where every monster is on the map anyway. This entry is supposed to focus on hunting immersion, there's tracks implemented, but they kept the omniscient map from Rise? Huh?? I miss having to actually track stuff instead of the bird just Knowing.

Also you can catch critters but not put them anywhere. Why??

Story

Surprisingly for a MH game, the story is actually decent this time around. Nothing to write home about, this still isn't a story-centric game, but a few moments did hit me hard and I liked a lot of the characters. Its integration into the gameplay was a bit annoying at times with a lot of scripted sequences, but overall I enjoyed it.

The implications are wild(heh) for the series lore as a whole, though; the final boss is one of my new favorite monsters purely because of how monumental it is! If you know, you know. Even if you're not familiar with The Lore the cutscene before the fight is sick as hell. (I'm suspecting we got a Rise situation here where the real HR final boss is coming in a Title Update, though...)

I would die for Nata. He is my son

Technical

Everyone's probably heard of the beta origami monsters by now, and I'm very disappointed to say they remain in the full game. Granted, it's not on every hunt and then it's only for a minute or two before the models load in, but that's just one of a lot of pretty grievous graphical and performance issues.

It's not unplayable (for me) by any means, but there's stupidly long loading times. Even once I'm in a locale, everything (monsters, terrain, NPCs, etc.) often looks like a blurry polygonal mess while everything actually loads in. It can take like thirty seconds to load the map or a conversation with an NPC.

My computer (which is, admittedly, a laptop) is pretty good, I can consistently get 60fps on World with close to max graphics, but this is all happening with Wilds on low settings! Hopefully most of this will get fixed with later patches.

EDIT: I managed to cram the game onto my laptop's SSD and that seems to have fixed a lot of the graphics issues. Haven't played a ton with it on this drive yet but I'm optimistic.

TLDR

Must-play for any series fan, but has way more than its fair share of jank for the price. The story is decent, fights are awesome, and the difficulty is reasonable and fun for LR/HR. Designs for monsters and environments are incredible - when they load properly.

Definitely recommend, but if you're not set on playing it ASAP it's reasonable if you want to wait for performance patches and/or a sale.

#i did this mostly for fun but if its actually helpful to anyone then glad to be of service #monster hunter #monster hunter wilds #long post #my stuff

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shadowmaat · 3 months ago

Text

Fanfiction is fanfiction

Over on blusky the OTW account shared a link to an opinion piece on a site called the Student Life. Author Grace Kim wrote a piece titled "Embracing Y/N: the merits of fan fiction and fan culture."

I have a strong dislike of "Y/N" type fics, mostly due to the inherent inaccuracy of trying to write in such broad strokes so a reader can feel included and, well, anyway, my opinions aren't really the point.

I don't like the subgenre, but I don't go around telling people it shouldn't exist because that isn't my call. I was, however, curious to see what the author had to say, so I read her editorial.

It wasn't about Y/N at all. Oh, it got a passing mention, but the gist of the piece was a defense of fanfction itself and how it's unfair of people to judge all fanfic based on a few bad examples. It was a pretty boilerplate "not ALL fanfic" type argument encouraging folks to give fic a chance. Which is fine, as far as it goes, but the approach taken is... not one I particularly appreciate or agree with.

She's of the opinion that one of the primary objections to fanfic as a whole is the idea of people "profiting" off the "stolen" ideas of others. I'm honestly too deep in the backwaters to know if this is becoming a central issue. Oh, there are definitely authors trying to get money out of their fans by making them pay for content, but A) I thought they were still outliers rather than the norm and B) I wouldn't have thought that outsiders had that as their main objection.

In this instance, the story is not eligible for profit but could still benefit the author in other ways such as exposure, feedback and practice by being available on publicly-accessible websites. This guarantees the equality of opportunity for writers to get their work out into the world minus the monetary barriers. -Grace Kim

In fact at several points she refers to fanfic as if it's some kind of stepping stone to eventually writing "real" stories and, as she says, "setting [audiences] up with the tools to be successful in academic environments."

That's absolutely alien to my way of thinking. Fanfic is its own unique category of writing and not, IMO, some kind of tool for eventual "success" in academia or professional publishing. For someone who claims to love and support fanfic, Ms. Kim has some odd ideas about the purpose of it.

While I can't speak for others, I write fanfic because I think it's fun and it's what I want to write. It isn't some form of "practice," that I'll eventually graduate from as I move on to "real" original fiction. I've certainly heard that viewpoint bandied about a lot (including, it seems, from Ms. Kim), but boy howdy is that an insulting way to look at things. And it diminishes authors who write fic. This isn't some playpen that folks eventually grow out of; not as a reader and not as a writer. Again, fanfic is its own category of writing and it's just as valid as all the others. If you're writing in defense of fanfic, you should at least understand that much.

In keeping with the author's approach to fanfic being some sort of academic practice, she also says the following:

With fanfiction, there is a close author/reader relationship because most sites provide chat spaces within each chapter to discuss its content. Similar to the process of peer review — which is highly encouraged in academic settings — this allows authors to receive positive validation and constructive criticism while remaining mindful of readers’ concerns. -Grace Kim

No. No, no, no, a thousand million times NO. Maybe even FUCK NO. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT THE POINT of fanfic. Dear merciful gods, people, being able to engage with authors over their fanfics is not any kind of fucking "peer review" and you should NEVER offer """constructive criticism""" unless someone specifically asks for it! Holy cats and all their kittens, Ms. Kim, what is wrong with you?? If you're so supportive of fanfic, why do you keep acting like it's some kind of self-improvement tool? Why do you keep trying to shove the square peg of fanfic into the round hole of academia? Fanfic. Is. Fanfic. It's written, primarily, for escapism. Sometimes people use it to explore themselves or work through their issues and trauma, but that's all the more reason not to offer unsolicited """constructive criticism""" to strangers.

This isn't academia. This isn't any kind of formal setting. Fanfic is inherently informal and no one should ever try and hold it up to professional standards. Yikes! Fanfic is written and provided FOR FREE. Authors are not obligated to listen to or obey any critiques and they sure as fuck shouldn't care about being "mindful of readers' concerns." Hells, that's something even professionally published authors don't need to care about. Don't like the way a story is going? Too fucking bad. It's my story and I'll tell it the way I want.

There's some additionally concerning language about "canon-focused" fanfic posing a "credibility and ethical" issue, but TBH at this point the author's viewpoint and interpretation of fanfic as a category of writing is so questionable that I won't even bother going into it.

You can find Ms. Kim's piece here, and some may find it an interesting read if only for how far off base the author is. It is, of course, her opinion, and opinions can't be wrong. They can be misinformed, though, and I hope the author does more research into the subject to try and understand it better.

Also? As a bit of constructive criticism, when you're putting a title to a piece make sure it's an accurate reflection of its content. In this case that means either discussing Y/N fics in depth, or dropping any mention of them.

#fandom wank #fanfiction as a subject #I hate that I'm mad that “Y/N” wasn't even discussed

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mysteriousmissfsart · 7 months ago

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Twisted Wonderland Rambles #11

The halloween update is here!

It has brought us something I was expecting at some point and a complete surprise that makes me so happy I want to cry!

First of all, we have a Nightmare before Christmas themed event, which I expected at some point and I love it. We get to see Jack, Sally and Zero! (From what I could see as I skipped through the chapters this morning) (Do tell me if you've found translations and where I could read them as well!)

I remember being scared of the movie as a kid but as I grew up, I also grew to love these characters and their story. I don't know why I was scared and I haven't watched it since I was a kid and was scared of it. I'm planning on actually watching it now as an adult.

Having this event in the game is a dream come true but one thing I wasn't expecting was to get a character based of off Jack Skellington this early!

Here he is!

Say hello to our new Twisted boy, Skully/Scully J. Graves! (Still unsure of the spelling but we'll find out in due time.)

Isn't he just perfectly imperfect to the point where you just want to squish him into a hug and give him the world- OKAY, I'LL STOP.

Guess how much more perfect he is?

Here:

Do you know the voice actor for this guy?

And this guy?

Yeah, his name is Kappei Yamaguchi and he voices our new boy Skully. (I'll use this spelling, it kinda matches with how Jack's name is spelled)

Suprised, right?

Well, I silently screamed in happiness because I've missed Kaito so much and was blessed with Skully. Kappei Yamaguchi uses the same voice he does for Kaito which suits Skully surprisingly well. It feels like he'll be an extravagant and goofy guy which reminds me a lot of Kaito's personality. I love them both!

I literally had my mom and my siblings listen to him speak and tell me if they recognized his voice and my mom recognized the voice! This is the best thing ever!(My mom loves Detective Conan and a lot of other anime series) I am planning on saving up for when he's available but I'm currently saving for Malleus's birthday card-

Anyway,

Here are some more screenshots from the first few chapters!

Malleus looks so good!!!! I really wanted him to have an SSR because I want to see him with art of Jack Skellington. But hey, it works out in my favor. It's a lot easier for me to stop myself from spending my keys and diamonds until his birthday banner.

Next!

Here he is! The star of the show and one of my fave Disney characters! (Even though I haven't watched the movie since my irrational bout of fear as I said earlier) He looks awesome!

Next!

Look at Zero! He's so cute!!!!!! I did see him chasing Grim around LOL. They'll get along eventually!!

Sadly I didn't have the time to screenshot Sally but I'll do it later and upload some more screenshots. I've also just realized that I didn't crop out the phone screen thingy that appears at the bottom of the screen, ugh. Sorry about that! I'll just have to leave it as is. I might come back and fix it later.

One last screenshot!

Skully J. Graves and Jack Skellington standing side by side. What an awesome sight! No, like, really, I love this. It just looks awesome and it's crazy that I get to see this with my own eyes.

Can someone tell me what that thing on Skully's head is? Is that a headbeand? If it is, that's a sick headbeand and I want one.

Also, I'm curious as to why he's wearing sunglasses? Could it be that his eyes are sensetive to light or maybe he's hiding them for some reason???? I'm really curious about that and whether we'll find out about that . I hope he takes the glasses off at some point.

Anyway,

This is what I wanted to share currently and I'm curious about what you think and if you have any theories about how this event will turn out!

Can't wait to hear what you think!

#twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #jack skellington #nightmare before christmas #twst #disney twst #twst grim #skully j. graves #twst skully

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theroguescientist · 1 month ago

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Polish scientist watches Orb: Episode 10

Sorry for not posting these for a while. I went on a trip for a few days after watching this episode and was too busy to edit the post, let alone watch the next episode. Anyway,

Okay, so it seems like some time has passed. Oczy seems to be living in a little shed in the middle of nowhere. And learning to read.

"If the written word were available to everyone, unreliable information would flood the world" I wish he was wrong, really I do. Like, don't get me wrong. Teaching everyone to read and write is totally worth it. But we do, in fact, live in a world flooded by unreliable information. And, even though on the internet anyone can write anything, some people will still believe anything just because it's written down. (And also in the wonderful world of 2025 AD, you can spread misinformation worldwide even without any reading or writing involved. Isn't technology amazing?)

Okay, I understand how Oczy feels, but writing a diary under these circumstances is a serious risk. You're basically writing down your crimes here. You know what happens if the wrong person reads this, right?

"Rainbows are God's way of congratulating us for withstanding the rain" That's weirdly adorable. Like, I get the reference to the flood story and all, but it's just cute.

The lecture about rainbows reminds me of the time a guy at a conference tried to fit an hour long lecture into 20 minutes by talking three times as fast. I doubt anyone in the room understood much of that talk. Slow down, dude. Don't forget to breathe.

Okay, so that's the theme for the episode. Badeni doesn't like to share knowledge. He tries to add an ideology to it, but it seems his actual reasons are mostly personal.

And it's an interesting choice to have a main character who says stuff like that in a show like this. This guy studies the universe and wants to know the truth, but he wants it only for himself and insists that other people can't be trusted with it.

I guess he can use this as a defense if the inquisition gets him. After all (at least that's how it was with such institutions in the real world), their main goal is to stop "dangerous" ideas from propagating. Some guy figuring stuff out and then immediately burning his notes is not a threat. (Which is probably what will eventually convince Badeni to share his research with others. He seems like the kind of guy who takes "you're not a threat" as an insult)

Aw, Grabowski seems like a nice guy (No, I will not be surprised if he does something horribly misguided that results in someone getting tortured by the inquisition, but he seems like he's genuinely trying to be a good person).

Oooh, more backstory. I see. Badeni shared his research with someone and regretted it, and this might be part of why he's Like This. And he allegedly killed someone over this. Of course, he'd hate to admit he was wrong.

Huh. The world sucks, truth is necessary to change the world, and yet, you insist that sharing the truth would be somehow wrong? Am I stupid or is there a contradiction here? And Grabowski seems to agree with me.

Woah, Badeni figured out elliptical orbits?! (In the real world this was figured out quite some time after the main idea of heliocentrism)

"I really don't understand peasants" Lol, indeed you don't. There is only one thing you seem incapable of understanding: normal people.

Meanwhile Oczy is just… a decent guy trying to improve himself. I don't think he even cares about going to heaven anymore. When we first met him, it was his only hope, but now I get the impression that it's not even his main reason for sharing his bread with the poor. Aww…

Huh? What do you want from that beggar? Well, whatever it is, now you see that kindness can pay off sometimes :)

"It's not like I'm giving you more bread because I like you or anything!" :P

And then we get a bit of the other perspective. The Church unites people. That is, arguably, its main purpose irl. And it's a good thing, actually, creating community. But what's the cost? If only the ignorant will follow you, is it worth it to keep the masses ignorant? (Badeni seems to think it is, even as he perfects his heretical theory, which is, honestly, fascinating to me.) The Church unites people. But sometimes it's easier to keep people united against an enemy, and sometimes that enemy is the truth.

And here's Mr Nowak again. I expect at least some part of the next episode to be about how he actually thinks the bishop's lecture was like 99% bullshit, but still finds some other reason to do what he does.

Also, what's that book Grabowski found? Who's leaving books just lying on the ground in the garden?

#orb: on the movements of the earth #live reaction

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changingplumbob · 26 days ago

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🍒📎 send this to the blogs that feel like inside jokes, shared snacks, and quiet comfort. the cozy corner of your dash. 💌 grateful to orbit this little galaxy with you 💫

Lots of Love, Kirsty! You're one of the people around here I'm always excited to hear from and talk to <3

How very dare you Kinha! I was gearing up to forward my first ask that I was committing to in months to inboxes including yours and you bet me to it!!!

You leave me no choice, I must reveal how much work you put in to the villa, it's your own fault for provoking me.

In this story CP shall stand for me, changing plumbob. PS shall stand for Kinha, paracosmic-sims. These are not direct quotes, merely my memories, some of which may be incorrect, out of order or complete fabrications of my fatigued mind.

Many months ago...

CP: Ugh I need to build this villa. I suck at building, I shall look at pinterest

PS: Why don't you just look on the gallery

CP: *is stubborn* NO. I have a specific part of the villa in my mind that I need to recreate

Specifically it was that the kitchen/dining had to be on a platform higher than the lounge but where you could still see in to the lounge clearly.

Some months ago...

CP: It is DONE! Finished, complete, Shay approved

PS: But maybe you could put a plant north southwest and perpendicular to the acute angle of the patio furniture

CP: ....

PS: ....

CP: Yeah so I'm terrible at geography, can I just send you the file since you're a master builder and you could give it a polish?

PS: *picks up the ceremonial cursor* I shall do it for simblr

Months ago...

PS: Is it okay to put a covering on the patio

CP: Sure but why?

PS: If you are drinking outside in the sun the ground gets hot and is uncomfy to step on and your drink will get warm if there is no shade

CP: 🤯 Is this one of those facts normal people are meant to know?

...

PS: I'm thinking sunken lounge so you can see the area you made beside the platform

CP: Sounds sensible

PS: With a fire pit

CP: It's summer in Tartosa

PS: #aesthetic

...

CP: *tying to cover my bases* So the bathrooms are awful because that DIY shower actually has higher stats than the basic one, I don't need them pretty

PS: *makes them pretty anyway* Do you need the back yard to be empty

CP: Well I suppose I could send them off lot for the challenge, that would leave that last room empty to

PS: *makes gorgeous backyard and confessional/meeting backdrop inside*

...

PS: Do you need the villa now

CP: The intro's won't be there so no, why?

PS: I'm having Apolline upgrade everything so it won't break or be dirty

CP: 😍

....

PS: We have a problem... the lot won't load. I'm getting infinite loading screen

CP: *panics* But you were building in it yesterday. Is it because I have the bug life mod that spawns bugs?

PS: Maybe. It must be a piece of the cc

CP: *says a prayer* Please don't let the dire chinchilla art be corrupted

I can't remember what it actually was that was causing the issue but I do think it was cc of some kind that was easily replaced

December/January...

PS: All uploaded! Enjoy

CP: Thank you so much and... wait... sfs isn't letting me download it

PS: uh oh, let me try reuploading (repeated x5)

CP: Crazy idea, upload it without the cc and tell me where to get the cc you added

PS: Done! You will need this this and these tiles

CP: SFS doesn't want to give me the tiles 😭

I eventually just put random tiles in the kitchen because I couldn't download the correct ones.

...

CP: there's a pile of trash on the patio?

PS: APOLLINE!!!

February...

CP: Ugh, the sink in Deanna's ensuite broke

PS: Apolline must have missed that one

...

CP: I have bad news *sends picture showing that all upgrades are available on everything*

PS: They didn't transfer??? But everything transfers

CP: 😭 not upgrades apparently, they shall have to live in the dirt/broken plumbing

And that is the abridged version of how she renovated the villa and we both lost ten years of our lives. If you got this far you deserve to know that this picture of squeamish Apolline autonomously cleaning dishes missed the cut for final post, but she was making up for that left behind trash!

All the love and hugs back to you @paracosmic-sims 💞🫂💗

#can you feel the love tonight

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thelazyhermits · 5 months ago

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Found myself wanting to talk about my Yuu's friendship with Trey, so I'll do that underneath the cut.

For the record, I honestly can't remember what all I have and haven't said about the Yuu & Trey relationship, so I'm just gonna make this is a post that provides the most up-to-date info on them since I am prone to changing my mind about little things here and there on occasion lol

One thing I do know that I've said in the past is that Trey acts like a big brother figure to Yuu and treats her kindly as a result. He really dotes on her, much like how he does with Riddle.

His favoritism is really obvious to everyone except Yuu who just thinks Trey is being nice cause she gets along well with Riddle and is one of the few people that tries to help Trey out and never adds onto his always busy workload.

While Yuu isn't exactly wrong, there's a lot more to Trey's favorable treatment of her, which I can't remember if I've discussed in detail in the past, so I'll just do that here.

At the beginning of the school year, Trey had every intention to treat Yuu like he does all the other first years, although he, of course, wanted to a gentleman to the best of his ability since that's just how he was raised, even though, according to his 2024 Halloween SR vignette, the poor guy is actually awkward around girls, at least older ones anyway, cause he has zero experience with them 😂

As a result, there is some awkwardness between these two at times, but thankfully, Trey is never as bad as Deuce used to be. That's because he mentally just started treating Yuu like he does his little sister in order to avoid that awkwardness and cause being a big bro just comes naturally to him.

Despite this, Trey still wanted to avoid treating Yuu too differently from everyone else back when he hadn't been particularly attached to her, but all his efforts were for naught.

Because she just reminded him too much of Riddle - to the point he couldn't ignore her.

As shown in this drabble, Trey learns early on that Yuu had a past that was similar to Riddle's, but he still intended to not give her any special treatment since Trey doesn't strike me as the type who gets easily attached/friendly with people.

(Despite how my writing may imply otherwise, I don't consider Trey to be the dad/mom/big bro of Heartslabyul who's always willingly looking out for people cause he's a genuinely nice guy, like how he's often portrayed in fanon.

Because Trey is just as sly as all the other NRC boys. He can be as petty/vindictive as the others if he gets irritated enough.

And he doesn't do all the work around the dorm simply cause he wants to. He does it to keep the peace cause the dude just wants a calm, normal school life and keeping Riddle happy is crucial to ensure that happens lol

However, that said, I do think, once you've earned Trey's respect/friendship, he would look after you like he does Riddle since their relationship tells us that Trey takes care of the people who truly matter to him.

That's why Trey is always warm/friendly toward Yuu in my fics cause, by that point in the timeline, they're friends, and he genuinely cares about her well-being.)

However, Trey's plans go out the window when the events of Book 2 happen cause Yuu prevents his canon injury and takes his pain as a result, which Trey really didn't take well cause he did not like the idea of Yuu suffering pain meant for him. It made him feel really guilty even though he did nothing wrong.

As a result, Trey really fussed over Yuu when she came to stay at his dorm following her injury cause Riddle had refused to allow her to return to her dorm cause he felt it was his dorm's responsibility to take care of her since she was in pain cause of him/Trey.

Trey volunteered his room for Yuu to use since there weren't any free ones available due to Heartslabyul dorm being the one dorm that's at full capacity, and Riddle was willing to share his room with Trey.

Anyway, Trey spent a lot of time with Yuu during this period of time since he felt it was his responsibility to look after her, and because of this, things really started to change because Trey started learning more about Yuu.

During this time, Trey realizes how difficult it is for Yuu to rely on others, and that it's not cause she's prideful or anything like that. She's just so accustomed to not having someone to rely on - someone she can trust - that it's just her nature to try to do everything on her own regardless of the kind of condition she's in.

That's why living at Heartslabyul is a rough adjustment for Yuu at first since Trey and the others are willing to do everything for her so she won't have to move her "injured" ankle.

Plus, Riddle has completely taken over the investigation that Crowley assigned to Yuu, so she won't have to do anything but focus on her recovery, which also takes some time for her to accept since she feels that's her job to do and it makes her feel guilty/useless that she can't complete the job assigned to her and has to be helped.

The more Trey observes Yuu and sees how hard it is for her to rely on others/how hard she is on herself/how prone she is to apologizing even when she hasn’t done anything wrong, the more uncomfortable he feels because all he can think about is what he knows about her past.

And he's really not liking the mental image that's forming as the puzzle pieces slowly come together.

However, what really hits him like a sucker punch is the one time when he had reached out to her to ruffle her hair, and Yuu, who hadn't realized what he was doing and wasn't paying attention at the time, flinched.

It was an unconcsious action on Yuu's part since, at that point in time, her body was just so accustomed to bad things happening whenever people reached out to her.

In that moment, the breath left Trey's lungs in an instant, and his blood turned to ice.

Because he knew exactly what that kind of unconscious action implied.

Even though Riddle was never physically abused, I still can see Trey being able to recognize those signs. I feel like what happened with Riddle when they were kids would lead to Trey doing some research on the subject of child abuse, perhaps because he thought it would in some way help.

Or perhaps a documentary or something along those lines about that topic came on TV one day and Trey, filled with thoughts of Riddle, couldn't bring himself to turn the channel.

This is how Trey Clover became one of he first people to realize Yuu had an abusive upbringing.

Fortunately for Yuu, Trey isn't the type to stick his nose where it doesn't belong, so he never tries to question her about her past. He never brings up the topic at all, so Yuu doesn't even know that Trey has figured out she was physically abused back in her world.

Because Yuu is from another world, meaning there's no one to report to the authorities cause her abuser is obviously back in her world, Trey knows that she's no longer in danger, which is why he doesn't try to tell anyone about this discovery or try to get Yuu to talk to him about her past.

Even though Trey feels that he shouldn't get involved since he doesn't want to risk causing trouble for Yuu by doing/saying something he shouldn't, Trey just can't ignore her now that he knows what kind of past she has.

But it's not out of pity. I just think that, after he "failed" Riddle when they were kids, Trey has the kind of mentality where, if he were to find himself in another similar situation, he'd be unable to ignore it cause he'd want to succeed and help the person, like he couldn't do in the past, especially if that person is someone he has begun to care about.

Trey just can't leave Yuu alone; his inner demons won't let him.

As a result, from that point on, Trey does his best to look out for Yuu, and he tries to be subtle about it and mostly fails since Trey really isn't good at being subtle when it comes to doting lol

It's because of Trey's decision to look out for Yuu that this relationship eventually turns into a close friendship cause, as time passed, Trey steadily grew fonder of Yuu the more time he spent with her, resulting in him becoming the big bro figure he is in my fics.

It was never Trey's intention for things to turn out like this, but Yuu completely won him over with all the compliments she gave his baking/cooking, her efforts to help him around his dorm, her growing friendship with Riddle, etc.

Amusingly enough, what also was a big factor in this development is that Yuu is one of the few people who doesn't try to ask Trey for help/favors or put work on his shoulders. On the contrary, she always tries to avoid doing anything that she thinks would be a bother to him.

The more Yuu would resist Trey's attempts to dote on her, which were essentially Trey's way of thanking her for her efforts, the more Trey wanted to dote on her and get her to willingly accept it lol

I just think it'd be funny if Trey's the type who would take this sorta thing as a challenge since normally he always gets his way when he implements his doting techniques, so he can't just allow himself to continue to be rebuffed.

Also, Trey just can't ignore the voice in his head that wonders if Yuu has anyone to rely on. Does she really think she needs to handle everything alone - that she doesn't deserve to be helped or receive positive attention?

It becomes like a personal mission of sorts for Trey, and because he's very good at what he does, he's able to eventually bring Yuu's walls down and get her to rely on him. It takes time, of course, but Trey is nothing if not patient.

That's how Trey becomes one of the upperclassmen whom Yuu feels the most comfortable relying on and why Yuu doesn't mind being doted on by him.

Because of his efforts, Yuu has a high opinion of Trey and a lot of respect for him since he's always working so hard to keep the peace at his dorm and does so much to keep everything working smoothly.

She also thinks he's very kind since he's always looking out for her and is always soft toward her during their interactions.

Now, that's not to say that Yuu doesn't know there's more to Trey than the sweet big bro persona he adopted when dealing with her since she knows full well that he's not someone to mess with.

That's why she considers him to be the dark horse of Heartslabyul - the most dangerous guy and someone she never wants to piss off cause she knows how cunning he can be and that he's a force to be reckoned with if you get on his bad side.

It's something she has learned from observation since he has never gotten mad at her, like he has at the members of his dorm lol

Yuu is completely oblivious to the fact that it would take a lot for Trey to ever get that mad at her cause he's developed a soft spot for her. She really has no idea about the kind of power she holds by being someone both Trey and Riddle are fond of, which Cater points out a lot haha

Anyway, Yuu & Trey end up developing a good, strong friendship during the course of the school year. It's why they both become so comfortable around each other and why it's easy for them to relax when they're alone together.

And they both really need that kind of relationship in their lives since those two are always hard at work & have busy/stressful schedules, so it's good for them to have those moments, such as when they bake together, when they can de-stress.

I just really love this relationship since Yuu & Trey are pretty similar in that they're good at keeping the peace, they always end up with a lot on their plates, and the fact that the way they act can lead to people incorrectly assuming they're too kind for their own good/are pushovers.

They're both also similar in that they're both really scary when they're pissed lol 😂

I just think this dynamic is a lot of fun cause of those similarities and cause I'm just a sucker for doting big bro figures 💕

#fortune in twisted wonderland

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