#at this point im probably banned from the church already

[beforethesunsetsforever]

The child was born covered in blood.

She had seen and assisted in other births before; had delivered babies and watched them come to life time and time again, as did the other women in her family. So she knew there wasn’t supposed to be so much blood.

Of course, she didn’t really need any previous knowledge. Something inside of her, a feeling her own mother and sisters and aunts might have called a mothers intuition screamed it was wrong. It was doomed. It felt like something ending, like a cycle had been closed even if her baby’s was just beginning.

It felt like seeing her childhood friend’s body after she died too young from the plague. It felt like grief.

Her husband was calm, so calm, pilling blankets onto the child and muttering about the cold wind. Her hands were rigid and iced, she realized — and red, and sticky, and covered in dirt from the long and painfull labour on the hard floor of the stable. Some of the blood had seeped under her nails and was beginning to harden around the hay. She tried to clean it, but her fingers were still frozen, its movements jerky and slow and it was only getting dirtier—

Her husband’s hands were covering her own, the warmth barely there. The child’s cries became audible, suddenly echoing all around, and she realized they had been crying the whole time. The bundle of blankets was resting in a manger, of all places. Her husband was talking, but that feeling was still louder, and the effort to focus was too great, so much more than she had the strength to.

Later, after she and her baby had been cleaned with whatever water they found, after the pains of birth started leaving her body, after shepherds appeared out of nowhere saying an angel sent them this way, that intuition still wouldn’t leave Mary alone.

Looking at the boy — It’s a boy, Mary! — she couldn’t help but see a sacrifice, a lamb no different than the others in the stable. A bleating animal, ready to have its blood spilled in the name of what demands it.

Mother’s intuition or not, she couldn’t help the feeling that her womb was also a grave.

******

More than thirty-two years later, again she stood watching her baby covered in blood. It dripped from his hands and feet, from the lacerations on his torso and face. They crowned him with thorns, and fat drops of ruby matted his hair.

The others started their way down the hill, murmuring about the bravery of soldiers, but it felt like she was underwater again. It felt like thirty-two years ago, seeing her son for the first time and wondering why it felt like his life was over.

Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews. A sacrifice, is what her boy-turned-leader was, like she intuited all along. Her boy who freed slaves, who stormed ill intended churches, who led armies of believers. Lambs aren’t made for more than slaughter.

But hanging there on the splinters of the cross, over the pain and blood and sweat, love pumped under his skin until the tips of his fingers and toes. On his mothers eyes, on the wind beating his face, on the air all around him.

After all, say what you wish of his parentage, he was still the son of a carpenter. He couldn’t help that the smell of wood made him think of home.

[flame-shadow]

being a kid obsessed with dinosaurs while being raised christian fundamentalist (i think?) made for some very interesting moments.

books would say that dinosaurs lived hundreds of millions of years ago. my parents would say the earth was created 6000 years ago. so for a while, i thought dinosaurs were fake like dragons. and for a long while after that, i never paid attention to the estimated years because they were all clearly false.

books would say that dinosaurs evolved over their millions of years of existence, at some point some developed feathers, and that birds probably came from dinosaurs. the pastors and sunday school teachers would say that evolution wasn't real and that god created the birds as they are. i was confused and disappointed, because evolution made a lot of sense and sounded really cool to boot.

documentaries would show fossil sites and talk about how the rock can be dated. one time, i heard that god left dinosaur fossils for us to find as enrichment. another time, i was told that satan planted the fossils to sow doubt among god's followers. i thought it odd that some people thought god would want to trick his people with such an elaborate hoax.

years later, i heard someone say that god created the universe to look like it had always existed even though it was created relatively recently, and that's why the light from stars further than 6,000 light years have already reached us. i was reminded of the explanation of god putting apparently millions of years old fossils in the ground.

more recently (within the past decade and therefore i was no longer a kid nor a christian), i've heard the people who raised me to believe the things above reciting new "facts" that people have since come up with to explain away more recent scientific discoveries and conclusions. a few years ago, my grandmother had someone speak at her church, and afterwards she bought some of the books they were selling and shipped them to me. whereas twenty years ago, she'd have told me dinosaurs couldn't have existed, now she had sent me books about how actually dinosaurs were created 6000 years ago along with humans and all the other animals. these "facts" were corroborated by some other relatives next time i shared a meal with them.

they can't even keep their false facts straight because the old stories don't make sense anymore, even though the new stories aren't any better!

and i keep coming back to my early interest in dinosaurs.

the one that my mom was reluctant to allow me to pursue because of the perceived falseness of their existence. the one that i felt i had to carefully regulate what facts i expressed interest in lest my mom decide that dinosaurs were banned from being talked about the way pokemon was. and i was so so deliberate to pepper in the occasional qualifiers like "even though the bible says that's not possible, 150 millions years is a long time ago!" or "i know they're not actually going to turn into birds and this is just a drawing, but this one with the feathers does really look like it could become a bird someday."

thank god for dinosaurs (haha), because im not sure how long i would've been mired in such a closed-minded worldview otherwise. even though satan didn't sow the fossils in the earth, they did cause me to doubt the veracity of what i was taught.

[travajoke01]

Congrats on the very blatant "what are we, some kind of asians??" brand of racism on that Georgia post. Does it help you sleep at night to convince yourself that the little whities should for sure be naturally better and more moral than the crazy koreans ? Does it help you forget how backwards your fellow citizens can be ? Reflect on yourself because you're clearly not a thoughtful and mature person if you can just say things like that out of nowhere

I'll probably regret responding this, but racist is a pretty big allegation, so: oh, okay, so it's not the common knowledge that North Korea is a closed country? is it not a common knowledge that they are cut out from social media? did i, by any means, mentioned any other asian country with different form of government? is it not a common knowledge, that it's a really army-oriented country? no. how the heck did you come to the conclusion i consider myself better then asians? if you wanna see racism, you'll find it, and the fact that you ask it anonymously instead of dming me personally.... well, who are you to call me racist? i referred to NK, because it has specific type of restrictions that are being imposed on my country, and it's a common knowledge that those things happen there.

also, my country literally by its half is in Asia, wtf? WE ARE SOME KIND OF ASIANS add here as well: i should probably specify: abortion and birth control are illegal in NK, and we're afraid it'll happen here too (abortions in private clinics are already banned) Church is gaining more power and the Darvin's theory may be removed from school program (that's why i can't compare it to USSR), im unsure how much power it has there, but according to wiki "ts constitution guarantees free exercise of religion, provided that religious practice does not introduce foreign forces, harm the state, or harm the existing social order." Social media is banned in North Korea, which is already happening here (YouTube is being banned for sure, insta is banned and vpn services are now being banned too) we got school program changed to make kids more patriotic (hello NK once again) and MAKE them wanna have kids (for demographic reasons) LGBTQ in NK are not banned, but face oppression and the law doesn't recognise their marriage, similar here no freedom of speech in North Korea. The government strictly controls what information the citizens are allowed to access, and punishes those who speak out against the regime, which is similar to what's happening here and i'm sure there's much to go on. you can't deny the facts,even though you don't like them, there are way too many similarities, the other korean country just CAN'T match this description do i support what my government does? no, as many others, many people ended up in jail, trying to oppose. do i have a choice? also no. can i leave? not yet. and please let's not start with this war convos, they will actually only prove my point....

[patriotsnet]

Why Do Republicans Hate Gay People

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-hate-gay-people/

Why Do Republicans Hate Gay People

Presidency Of George W Bush

George W. Bush did not repeal President Clinton’s Executive Order banning discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in the federal civilian government, but Bush’s critics felt as if he failed to enforce the executive order. He retained Clinton’s Office of National AIDS Policy and was the first Republican president to appoint an openly man to serve in his administration, Scott Evertz as director of the Office of National AIDS Policy. Bush also became the second President, after President Clinton, to select openly gay appointees to his administration. Bush’s nominee as ambassador to Romania, Michael E. Guest, became the second openly gay man U.S. Ambassador and the first to be confirmed by the Senate. He did not repeal any of the spousal benefits that Clinton had introduced for same-sex federal employees. He did not attempt to repeal Don’t ask, don’t tell, nor make an effort to change it.

In April 2002, White House officials held an unannounced briefing in April for the Log Cabin Republicans. On June 27, 2002, President Bush has signed a bill allowing death benefits to be paid to domestic partners of firefighters and police officers who die in the line of duty, permanently extending a federal death benefit to same-sex couples for the first time.

The 2004 Republican Party platform removed both parts of that language from the platform and stated that the party supports anti-discrimination legislation.

Two Reasons Why The Bathroom Bill Targeting Trans People Is Flawed

We believe this bill is flawed for two reasons. First, as conservatives who believe in liberty and in supporting small businesses, we do not think that government should single out businesses for special public censure if they do not enforce the governments current social views.

Americans are still sorting out how they feel about trans people and how they can be tolerant or hospitable neighbors even if they disagree. Government should not use private businesses as pawns in an ongoing culture war, especially with something as private as their customers genitalia.

Second, the bill is counterproductive. We understand that the legislature wants to give parents peace of mind that their daughters will not use the same restroom as biological males. Parents want to make sure their kids are safe this is a completely reasonable concern. But forcing trans women to use the same restroom as young boys can be more disturbing and disruptive to businesses.

Hear more Tennessee Voices:

Dads: imagine walking into the mens room with your son and seeing Caitlyn Jenner, in a dress, fixing her makeup.

More disturbing still is when trans men who are far along in their transition  people who look, act, and identify as male  must use the same restroom as young girls.

More:Tennessee Voices, Episode 118: Chris Sanders, Tennessee Equality Project

The Fairness For All Act Is A Republican Response To The Equality Act

In March, House Democrats introduced the Equality Act, the first comprehensive LGBTQ civil rights bill to pass the House. While it has been stalled in the GOP-controlled Senate, it would provide sweeping non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ people in the US in housing, employment, public accommodations, education, and health care for the first time under federal law.

At the time, there were that some conservative groups were working on a compromise bill, and it appears the Fairness For All Act is that compromise.

A small coalition of religious conservative groups led by the American Unity Fund and including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Seventh-day Adventist Church, 1st Amendment Partnership, Center for Public Justice, and Council for Christian Colleges and Universities have rallied behind the bill.

Im excited about the solutions that are embodied in the legislation, because I think that those are the exact ideas that were going to need to pass federal civil rights for LGBTQ people, said Tyler Deaton, senior adviser at the American Unity Fund.

The Fairness For All Act would provide many of the same protections for LGBTQ Americans, but it also provides ample exceptions for churches and religious organizations to continue to discriminate against queer people.

What we like about it is the stated intentional desire for fairness and a proposed process that will encourage collaboration because weve seen that work in our state, he said.

Republicans May Begin To Embrace Gay Rights

As Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus pointed out, gay marriage and gay rights are platforms that a higher and higher percentage of Americans support. Priebus warns Republicans to be more open to other views on the issue, and less set in their ways. However, Republican strategist Ed Rogers points out the catch-22 in this situation. Most current Republicans still oppose gay marriage. Where 58 percent of Americans now support gay marriage, only 39 percent of Republicans support it, with 59 percent of Republicans opposing it. This leaves the Republican Party in a tough spot. They must either reform their views to bring in new members and gain support in coming elections, which would risk pushing away those that have stuck with the Party through the years, or stand by their age-old platform, and risk continuing to lose support throughout the nation.

The Disney Vault Is Annoying

Disney has drawn the ire of many adoring fans because it only releases its movies to the public for home consumption for a limited amount of time. They even coined a term for this tactic, The Disney Vault. Audiences think this is corporate greed at its ugliest. Disney has a commodity, and they try to build fervor and revenue by only letting the consumer have access to it for a short period. Its basically the same business model McDonalds uses with the McRib and we all know how much everyone hates that. Can you imagine if the Star Wars movies were only sold periodically? Thatd be an outrage, right? Well, you can expect it to happen since Disney bought the rights in 2012 to all things Star Wars, from George Lucas for over $4 billion. Its no wonder why Disney movies have been pirated since VCRs came on the scene in the 1980s.

American Views Of Transgender People: The Impact Of Politics Personal Contact And Religion

As the Supreme Court examines cases it has already heard this term about the rights of gay and transgender people, the American public in the latest Economist/YouGov poll are for the most part tolerant and supportive of transgender employment rights. However, Republicans take different positions.

The overall public supports laws prohibiting discrimination in hiring and employment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, with Republicans closely divided.

More than one in three people know someone who is transgender, and the probability of this is even higher among Democrats and younger adults. Those with personal contact are more likely to believe there is a great deal or a fair amount of discrimination against transgender people. Half of Republicans and 88 percent of Democrats say there is a fair amount or a great deal of discrimination against transgender people.

One in five adults believes employers should be able to fire transgender workers who wear work clothes that match their gender identity. About three times that percentage disagree. Republicans are more closely divided on this question: a third say employers should be able to fire those employees, while 44 percent say that should not be allowed.

There appears to be greater acceptance of female to male transitions than male to female ones. Men generally accept a female to male as male , but also believe that someone transitioning male to female is still male .

Image: Getty 

Here’s Where We Stand On Different Lgbt Issues

LGBT leftists tend to hate us because we put our principles first. We believe in religious liberty, free speech, God-given human dignity, limited government, and economic opportunity. 

For that reason we frequently oppose radical gender theory and leftist policies like the Equality Act. We support a nuanced, science-based approach to transgender policy issues. 

We recently spoke out in support of the legislature’s initiative to keep youth sports organized according to biological sex we find the effort to let biological males play girls’ sports anti-science and offensive.

As a result of stances like these, LGBT leftists regularly picket us, ban us, destroy our property, and call us ugly names.

Recently, our entire leadership team was kicked out of Nashvilles primary LGBT networking Facebook group, in contravention of that groups written rules, because the admins hated us.

We hope this background demonstrates our conservative bona fides. If we oppose a Republican LGBT bill, it is out of principle, not identity politics or blind devotion to those in the LGBT community who reject us. We were not asked to comment on the bill before it was passed, but we feel we would be remiss not to offer our perspective.

More:Tennessee’s anti-LGBTQ bills target vulnerable citizens who are worthy of dignity | Plazas

Views On Religion Its Role In Policy

When it comes to religion and morality, most Americans say that belief in God is not necessary in order to be moral and have good values; 42% say it is necessary to believe in God in order to be moral and have good values.

The share of the public that says belief in God is not morally necessary has edged higher over the past six years. In 2011, about as many said it was necessary to believe in God to be a moral person as said it was not . This shift in attitudes has been accompanied by a rise in the share of Americans who do not identify with any organized religion.

Republicans are roughly divided over whether belief in God is necessary to be moral , little changed over the 15 years since the Center first asked the question. But the share of Democrats who say belief in God is not a condition for morality has increased over this period.

About two-thirds of Democrats and Democratic leaners say it is not necessary to believe in God in order to be moral and have good values, up from 51% who said this in 2011.

The growing partisan divide on this question parallels the widening partisan gap in religious affiliation.

About six-in-ten whites think belief in God is not necessary in order to be a moral person. By contrast, roughly six-in-ten blacks and 55% of Hispanics say believing in God is a necessary part of being a moral person with good values.

International AffairsEconomic ConditionsTrust, Facts & DemocracyClimate, Energy & EnvironmentRace & EthnicitySame-Sex Marriage

Lgbt Conservatism In The United States

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LGBT conservatism in the United States is a social and political ideology within the community that largely aligns with the American conservative movement. LGBT conservatism is generally more moderate on social issues from social conservatism, instead emphasizing values associated with fiscal conservatism, libertarian conservatism, and .

Changing Views On Acceptance Of Homosexuality

Seven-in-ten now say homosexuality should be accepted by society, compared with just 24% who say it should be discouraged by society. The share saying homosexuality should be accepted by society is up 7 percentage points in the past year and up 19 points from 11 years ago.

Growing acceptance of homosexuality has paralleled an increase in public support for same-sex marriage. About six-in-ten Americans now say they favor allowing gays and lesbians to marry legally.

While there has been an increase in acceptance of homosexuality across all partisan and demographic groups, Democrats remain more likely than Republicans to say homosexuality should be accepted by society.

Overall, 83% of Democrats and Democratic-leaning independents say homosexuality should be accepted by society, while only 13% say it should be discouraged. The share of Democrats who say homosexuality should be accepted by society is up 20 points since 2006 and up from 54% who held this view in 1994.

Among Republicans and Republican leaners, more say homosexuality should be accepted than discouraged by society. This is the first time a majority of Republicans have said homosexuality should be accepted by society in Pew Research Center surveys dating to 1994. Ten years ago, just 35% of Republicans held this view, little different than the 38% who said this in 1994.

Acceptance is greater among those with postgraduate and bachelors degrees than among those with some or no college experience .

Reasons Why Conservatives Hate Democrats

November 5, 2014 by Samuel WardeNo Comments

20 Reasons Why Conservatives Hate Democrats

1. Democrats believe in higher education.2. Democrats believe in preserving the environment.3. Democrats believe in science.4. Democrats believe that carbon dioxide is dangerous.5. Democrats do not believe that minimum wage created our nations unemployment.

6. Democrats do not believe armed rebellion is a viable alternative to elections.7. Democrats do not believe that corporations are people too.8. Democrats do not believe that the sexual revolution created AIDS.9. Democrats do not know the proper height for trees.10. Democrats do not understand decent God-fearing Americans need missile launchers at home.

11. Democrats do not understand that banning abortions for high risk pregnancies can be a positive experience for women.12. Democrats do not understand that intelligent design is a proven scientific theory.13. Democrats do not understand that marriage is related to national security.14. Democrats do not understand that the media is a threat to national security.15. Democrats forgot that Hitler coined the phrase separation of church and state.

16. Democrats seem oblivious to the fact that most good Americans oppose gay marriage.17. Democrats seldom bring guns to crowded public events.18. Democrats want to force innocent multi-millionaires to pay taxes.19. Democrats want to let gays vote.20. Democrats want to let immigrants vote.

Log Cabins Better Record On Gay Issues

While Stonewall was cheerleading Obamas do-nothing Democrats, Log Cabin sued the government to kill DADT. In 2010, Log Cabin won an injunction preventing the administration from enforcing DADT. Only after fighting that injunction, and losing, did Obama finally repeal the law.

Log Cabin has also withheld its endorsement from high-profile Republican candidates who opposed marriage equality unlike Stonewall, we resist partisan groupthink, even when it costs us. We wouldnt be endorsing President Trump in 2020 if he werent truly an ally.

Trump openly supported LGBT equality before any of Stonewalls endorsees did. In 1999, while Democrats defended DADT, Trump opined that gays and lesbians serving openly was not something that would disturb me. In 2000, Trump proposed an amendment of civil rights law to ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, which would have rendered moot the employment discrimination case currently before the Supreme Court.

In 2015, though Trump needed religious conservative votes to win the Republican primary, he nevertheless stated publicly that religious freedom and LGBT rights are not mutually exclusive. He even rebuked his running mate-to-be, Mike Pence, for initially undervaluing LGBT interests in Indianas Religious Freedom Restoration Act, on which Pence ultimately reversed. Today, President Trump still has our back.

Stonewall Incorrectly Attacks President Trump

Stonewalls article censures Russia for orchestrating an industrial-scale genocide of gay men in Chechnya. Russias behavior is indeed alarming. So President Trump, collaborating with his Ambassador to Germany Richard Grenell, has launched a historic initiative to decriminalize homosexuality worldwide. Basham conveniently omits this fact.

Stonewall calls Trumps plan to reduce HIV/AIDS transmission by 90 percent within 10 years lip service because HIV+ immigrants crossing the U.S.-Mexico border are separated from other immigrants. But this policy is intended to provide HIV+ immigrants, some of whom face untreated AIDS, with needed medical care. Stonewall also neglects to mention that Trumps budget included $291 million to fight HIV in 2020 alone. Trump also convinced the antiviral research group Gilead to donate billions of dollars of HIV prevention medication for 200,000 people. That is hardly lip service.

Stonewall further insinuates, ludicrously, that Trump is bigoted for halting Obama-era attempts to tell public schools which bathroom transgender students can use. We say, good: The well-being of children who do not identify with their biological sex is vitally important, but it does not fall under the originally intended purview of Title IX and would thus be better explored at the state and local level without federal intervention. Executive overreach in the name of LGBT rights does nothing to recommend our cause.

Relies On Star Power Not Plotlines

Back in the day, Disney movies sold themselves because their plots were incredible. They showcased fairytales and chronicled the rise of the underdog. This worked in Disneys animated and live-action movies, and the company was untouchable for decades. Then, they had a string of flops like Mulan, Pocahontas and Hercules. Suddenly, Disney was fallible. So, instead of hiring better writers, they took the easy way out they started to hire big name talent to headline its projects. And they havent looked back. Disney has hired giants in the film industry to voice its characters, like Miley Cyrus and . And of course, Disney puts the most popular celebs in its live action movies, like Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

Disney even has upcoming projects with Emma Stone, Reese Witherspoon and Emma Watson. But what good is it to have a big star in a movie if the plot is weak? The only good thing about this change in direction is that it finally steered Disney away from cramming cultural sensitivity down everyones throats. There was a period of time when it made sure to give every minority group its own movie, from Hawaiians in Lilo and Stitch to African Americans in The Princess and the Frog. Audiences perceived this to be the pandering that it was.

How Out Of Step Is The Republican Party On Gay Rights

The wedding wasnt the only reason conservatives targeted Rep. Denver Riggleman in a party convention , but it was the driving one. Which raises the question: How out of step with the nation is the Republican Party on same-sex rights?

Its an especially pertinent question on Monday, now that the Supreme Court, with the support of one of President Trumps nominees, just voted 6-3 that existing federal law protects gay and transgender workers from discrimination based on sex.

Thats a sea change in the legal landscape of protections for LGBTQ Americans. Before this ruling, in about half of the states, you could be legally fired for being gay or transgender. Now, you cant under the 1964 Civil Rights Act, which the court ruled extends to LGBTQ Americans because it prevents discrimination on the basis of sex.

But like the Republican voters in Virginia who ousted Riggleman in favor of social conservative Bob Good, there is an active wing of the Republican Party seeking to push back on the march toward expanding legal protections for gay and transgender Americans. And they have powerful allies.

The Trump administration opposed interpreting the Civil Rights Act to encompass LGBTQ workers. The leader of the conservative Judicial Crisis Network called the six justices who supported this ruling, one of whom was Trump appointee Neil M. Gorsuch, activists, implying the court got ahead of where the public is on the issue.

Emily Guskin contributed to this report.

Mike Pence Accidentally Admits The Real Reason Republicans Hate Democrats So Much

Common Dreams

The grassroots organization People for Bernie on Tuesday advised the Democratic Party to take a page from an unlikely sourceright-wing Vice President Mike Penceafter Pence told a rally crowd in Florida that progressives and Democrats “want to make rich people poorer, and poor people more comfortable.”

“Good message,” tweeted the group, alerting the Democratic National Committee to adopt the vice president’s simple, straightforward description of how the party can prioritize working people over corporations and the rich.

Suggesting that a progressive approach to the economy will harm the countrydespite the fact that other wealthy nations already invest heavily in making low- and middle-income “more comfortable” by taxing corporations and very high earnersPence touted the Republicans’ aim to “cut taxes” and “roll back regulations.”

The vice president didn’t mention how the Trump administration’s 2017 tax cuts overwhelmingly benefited wealthy households and powerful corporations, with corporate income tax rates slashed from 35% to 21%, corporate tax revenues plummeting, and a surge in stock buybacks while workers saw “no discernible wage increase” according to a report released last year by the Economic Policy Institute and the Center for Popular Democracy.

Pence’s description of progressive goals was “exactly” correct, author and commentator Anand Giridharadas tweeted.

“Yes, and what’s wrong with making poor people more comfortable?” asked Rep. Ilhan Omar .

Gw College Republicans Invite Log Cabin Republicans And Lgbt Conservatives To Talk About What It Means To Be Gay And Conservative

Kicking off a discussion on the inclusion of LGBT people in the Republican Party, Charles Moran, the managing director of the conservative gay group the Log Cabin Republicans, told George Washington University students that they dont have to be a Democrat because youre gay.

The forum at the Marvin Center Amphitheater Tuesday night, hosted by GW College Republicans, brought together what Josh Kutner, director of political affairs for the group, described as an all-star panel of Republican and conservative political and media consultants: Dave McCulloch, managing partner at Capitol Media Partners; Brad Polumbo, an editor and columnist at The Washington Examiner; and Edith Jorge-Tunon, political director for the Republican State Leadership Committee.

Mr. Moran, who has 14 years of experience managing local and national Republican political races, started the discussion by asking panelists to explain how they came out as conservative and where they fit on the conservative spectrum.

Mr. Polumbo said he realized he was a conservative when he was dropped into the liberal bastion of the University of Massachusetts and wound up persona non grata in the gay community.

A Rand Paul libertarian and technically not a Republican, he said, I definitely have a very right-wing philosophy. I am more than willing to punch at both sides.

Live your life honestly, Mr. Moran advised. Be present. Share and be aware. Accept them for who they are and who they are not.

We’re Portrayed As A Perversion

From the left, right, and even a few biased researchers, people accuse transgender people of being perverts, fetishists, and likely rapists. This is in great part why the right-wing tactics against non-discrimination ordinances have been so successful: the right wing tells people that it’s a choice between protecting their wives and daughters or a tiny group of perverts.

Many Trump Supporters Are Lgbt

So Stonewall is wrong. But something more important is going on here. What really infuriates Basham is that Log Cabin has given cover for the presidents claim that some of biggest supporters are LGBT. As if saying so were a crime Trump commits in secrecy while his fabulous gay accomplices at Log Cabin run interference. But its just a fact: Many of Trumps most fervent supporters are LGBT people.

Left-wing gay activists, however, depend on creating the impression that all LGBT people are Democrats. Democrats then use this false narrative to consolidate unearned moral authority. That is why, when the prominent gay billionaire Peter Thiel expressed support for Trump, The Advocate promptly ran a piece arguing he isnt actually gay he just has sex with men.

The point of such chicanery is to insinuate that all Republicans are homophobes, and all homophobes are Republicans. That only works if Democrats speak for all gays. So just one prominent gay or trans Republican punctures the lie that the left has a monopoly on gay rights.

Log Cabin Republicans stand to disabuse the public of that lie. The Stonewall Democrats dont want you to know we exist. But we do, our ideas are better than theirs, and were not going anywhere.

Trans Rights: A Perplexing Issue

Like many other gay conservatives, however, he seems to disconnect gay rights and transgender rights. Kabel recalled a recent article with a quotation from the conservative activist Tony Perkins that contrasted the Democratic and Republican platforms in 2016.

“The only issue Perkins raised was the transgender bathroom issue,” Kabel said. “And I thought, ‘That means we won.'”

Kabel called transgender equality “one of the most perplexing issues going.”

“Transgender people deserve support and protection just like anybody else, but it’s a very complex issue,” he said. “It’s remarkable when you hear their stories, but it’s just a very perplexing issue about how to really address it and do it so that they’re protected but other people aren’t hurt, so that people’s religious views are actually taken into consideration.”

Transgender visibility is all but absent in the Log Cabin Republicans, from their leadership to their messaging.

An OUTSpoken Instagram post compares the LGBT left to the LGBT right by putting an image of a person who appears to be transgender or gender-nonconforming next to a shirtless picture of former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock, while the campaigns store sells T-shirts bearing slogans like “gay for Tucker” “gay for Melania” and “gay not stupid.

OUTspoken sent Brokeback Patriot, who has stated trans women are not women, to New Orleans Southern Decadence party to ask passersby if they think Trump is pro-gay.

[kendrixtermina]

Cindered shadows Reaction

tl;dr - Fodlan is a crapsack world and I want to strangle Rhea (or break Amyr on her again). Yuri is a very good contrast to the others and a cool addition to the ‘verse  for all that he is basically Joker XD

I took live notes while playing

One thing to take note of here is the house leader’s “canonical” classes (Fortress Knight/Warrior, Hero/Paladin, Assasin/Wyvern ride, though some of those assume the budding talents to be unlocked already) as well as just more of a look into what their dynamic is when they’re together - as such well-contrasting characters I always thought it was a shame that they didn’t interact more so I’m glad for this

 Edelgard is always somewhat standoffish/ closed off and generally the ‘logical’, least personable one, Claude is surface-level friends with both. Dimitri would like to think they are full-on BFF, calls Claude “my friend”, defends him etc. Claude’s friendship with Edelgard is very banter-driven, but there (the bit where she says “wow this trap could have been your idea” and hes flattered). Of course both of these carry over into their post-timeskip interactions especially when they part on good terms (Dimitri always does, and Edelgard easily can part with him on good terms, but Claude, though he doesn’t like the thought of them dying,  wouldn’t take risks on either them) - and of course it’s Claude who proposes the feast after the mock battle where they all eat together. Edelgard and Dimitri were never friendly (at least not during the academy), but at this point they’re civil. 

Claudes Dialogues are BRILLIANT like he really shines in this one (Edelgard probably gets the least exposure but all of this is set before the reveal, so she has to keep her cards close to her chest - Or maybe there just cant ever be enough Edelgard for me lets be honest)

First impression of the Ashen Wolves is that they’re all very dramatic with a lot of bluster (Hapi being the contrasting exception but over-the-top in concept) - they have really been the Kings of their own little world, having a lot of free reign underground, accountable to few and throwing down for the heck of it

So it’s Yuri Leclerc and he was adopted by a Kingdom noble, the same Gwendal and Lonato served  and who dies if Arianrhod is blasted, but it seems like unlike wish Ashe who was taken into the family this was just a temporary gig for him

That makes him a commoner, which by itself is a big difference from the other three. Dimitri is and always was the crown prince whereas Edelgard suddenly ascended the sucession list due to tragedy and Claude has a much doubted claim on both sides of the border

I suspected he was going to be from the kingdom as we already had the Alliance, the Empire and the token Foreigner accounted for - also ‘Yuri’ is a slavic name like ‘Dimitri’ - though being adopted he isn’t necessarily from there

(Later we learn that he was in fact born in a village in the Kingdom)

Also liked the callback to count Gloucester’s sheming and how he had Balthus spy on Claude

They do go through some work to flesh out Abyss and make it feel lived in as a sort of society. 

Just look at that very very makeshift classroom. Few down there were getting any sort of education before Aelfric set this up

They do something clever here where Balthus tells you part of why he’s wanted, prompting the question of everyone else’s stories

This idea of a wretched hive beneath the Church reminds me of Amsterdam where the big church was in the prostitutes’ quarter and they actually had flourishing trade agreements going on

But as a hiding place for outcasts it shows us all the uglyness about fodlan and how much persecution/ need for change there really is (Really wants me to play Crimson Flower again. Or Verdant Wind.)

There’s people “chewed up by the Nobility”

Duscurians and Almyrans

Many in the church want the place “purged”, Rhea wouldnt go so far but is at the very least unsympathetic

Tons of Banned Books (is this where Seteth puuts them?) Claude and Linhardt have a field day over it

That poor woman (probably Dagdan since she talks of a war) who was persecuted for believing in other religions (which was a thing under Rhea - I’ve been saying it, Shamir and Cyril are “allowed” because they work for Rhea which to her is the same as believing, both are “working for her family/ for us instead of against us” because Sothis is not just her god but someone she knows personally)

Yuri and his trouble are a sort of quasi-police or keeping order, reporting to Aelfric. As his second in command Yuri is a sort of “prince” and already lead his own bandit troupe, or perhaps more a chieftain than a prince, he’s a leader, an authority but not an inherited one but 100% selfmade, he comes from nothing - People call him “boss”,

One wonders if he already dressed in this noncomforming manner before comming to the abyss

He is very very self-reliant, decides and opines for himself, gives Byleth backtalk, very much a natural leader who owns his influence entirely to that natural-leader ness 

Byleth asks very good, very direct questions 

Hilda, Linny and Ashe are here because of their connection to the Abyss characters and the information they can provide - Ashe knows Yuri, Linny knows his book lore, Hilda heard rumors from Holst...

Here we get to appreciate why Claude keeps Hilda around she knows all the gossip, all the ‘local’ information that Claude doesn’t have, she’s an excellent info source

Lets appreciate that it was those three specifically because they were slacking off

Ppl say there the church scorns them pretty much I like how they’re no longer even pretending that the church is nice

The four MCs, meanwhile, might all have ended up here in a different life; If El had escaped the experiments she could’ve been like Hapi, Claude was already an outcast, Jeralt fled with Byleth as a refuge(or could have been sent there as a mercenary to torment the locals and then decided to stay there instead), maybe not young!Dimitri, but timesskip Dimitri was outright a vagabond and says in his lecture questions that he travelled many places and temporarily lived in slums he didn’t go full murdery until a few years in, as Gilbert recounts

AU where they all grew up  or met in the Abyss is what im saying, and the four MCs and Yuri team up. The slitherers still stir up war, perhaps Duke Aegir or Arundel made themselves Emperor etc. 

Characteristically, Dimitri really likes the idea of a secret haven for the outcasts (see all his dialogues about “acceptance” and general ‘help-the-orphans’ thing) - but also characteristically he’s a bit of a tool for the status quo- “Claude don’t be rude this guy is giving out charity~” but the issues Dimtri the issues they shouldn’t need to hide anyways and this is why I prefer the ‘revolutionary’ routes (CF and VW) - though to his credit Dimitri does do charity and stop ppl being poor when he’s king. 

Claude is absolutely having a field day, this is right in the way of his “Political program” - “What you’re helping the poor and downtrodden by barely tolerating them in a sunless hole where they have to hope the church doesn’t decide to purge them” They basically live in ever present danger

Bit sad that they had Edelgard “tied up” catching up with Constanze rather than stating a reaction to the abyss as a whole though it’s probably very deliberate that she keeps her cards close to her chest - As constance asks “What is the princess doing here?” - investigating that’s what. She mostly asks questions or voices conclusions - shes certainly also investigating for her own purposes

But of course Dimitri and Ashe, pure as always, immediately want to help the locals

Edelgard meanwhile is thinking strategy, talking of capturing and interrogating the enemy

Of Yuri ppl tell you both that he’s a real scoundrel/ “our scoundrel” - he loooks out for them so they obey him, “when I say jump they jump” - a Mafia leader of sorts. He’s like Claude in the ‘motivating ppl through taking care of their interest’ parts but claude’s alliances are looser and no one does “jump” like Yuri projects authority, its not quite the honor loyalty Dimitri inspired because he “pays”, Edelgard projects authority but it’s loyalty to the cause more than personal loyalty, and she’s an ideologue and inspires the same in her followers theres no “pay” from Edelgard. She warns you that you might die and that’s it. She is the same herself. 

I think Yuri would die for another the way that Claude and Edelgard would not, like when Aelfric got his mom putting her in danger was never an option. I don’t think you could pressure Edelgard with a hostage, she’d just be like “Hostage-kun, I won’t let your death be in vain” and then tell their captors to screw themselves. 

He has things in common with all the others - he has a certain honor and a people-driven leadership style like Dimitri (rather than ideals-driven like Edelgard, Claude and Seteth) - though unlike Dimitri his honor is only for the “in” group, he cares about protecting his turf, his people... and nothing else. Thus he doesn’t fit into the revolutionary (Edelgard, Claude) vs restorer (Dimitri, Seteth) dichotomy because he’s not concerned with the system as a whole - he doesn’t like it or have faith in it, but he will absolutely work with it when it suits his aims (such as when he makes his own alliance with the church behind Aelfric’s back, or just working with Aelfric in the first place)

This alliance is probably also supposed to give a reason why the Wolves would sttick with the church later (though Hapi’s non CF supports talk alot about reforming the crap institution that it is) even though they mostly have reason to dislike them

Like Edelgard he is calculating and ruthless more than Dimitri or Claude. (He laughts at peeps who fell in his trap) But you couldn’t see Yuri sacrificing an ally like Edelgard does (like with Dimitri the people come before the plan) and Yuri often markedly does NOT tell allies what they’re getting into while El makes a big point of telling everyone the risks and allowing them the chance to step out

In a way he’s Claude with a edge but without the big vision. Yuri is the most small-picture, Claude the most big-picture of the lords

They also have a different relationship with trust - some describe Yuri as “devoted to his own but too trusting” , he says it’s a choice... but he is never really fooled, just pretending to be, he solves a great part of his plot on his own. 

Like Claude and Seteth he prefers to play it safe/ know he can win (though Claude and Yuri arent against calculated risks) whereas Edelgard and Dimitri will do what they think is right with no guarantee of victory and don’t care much if it kills them or their followers

Otherwise tho they have a lot in common and are fast friends XD Yuri makes some great observations “Wow look at you three trying to suss out each other’s motivations must be exhausted”

“Doesnt take a title to have an agenda“ - Yuri and Claude are really... a “takes one to know one” situation

Claude tells us they generally get along tho (”Any misunderstanding might spark a war... ”... yeah)

Likewise, Yuri immediately gets that Claude’s friendliness is esentially “maintaining neutrality” more than actual allegiance

Yuri also seems relatively forward in romantic matters which is unlike the others lol

Remember how I was frantic for Claude/Linhardt or Claude/Hubert friendship content? Here’s another great team that ought to have interacted more, I could even see them working romantically assuming that Claude would be so inclined. 

Hapi/Sylvain, too! Because they’re both cynics

But despite her cynism Hapi is also characterized as considerate

Yuri likes board games! hes in the board game squad with Hubert, Claude, Sylvain and Edelgard. The Board Game squad is incidentally the Best Characters club

 He’s not big picture and only develops something like that toward the end of his support chain (to fight poverty)

So in a sense his style and the hole in it is more like Byleth’s own - he learnt practical leadership in the field and applies it for those he likes. He’s more self-directed

aaand more undercover fun

It seems that both the slitherers and Alferic were after the Chalice at the same time - the Death Knight’s presence hints at it, Metodey’s confirms it. So far I’d assumed he was one of Edelgard’s loyalists like Ladislava but it seems he works directly for Arundel, Edelgard is not too friendly with him and accuses him of “Disrespecting her house” 

Since Aegir was in power during the Bridgid and Dagda war, the slitherers could definitely have had something to do with how Constance’s family was treated, if they were onto her secret - I don’t see how Aelfric could have done it

Bold of El to order Jeritza away in broad daylight. At this point she’s probably come to accept that no orders are gonna keep him from Fiting PPl where he can, especially her she is a very tough opponent

I trusted Aelfric until he spoke. The voice is... its not a good guy voice. Same with how the eyes are drawn

then he called people “his flock”

“They are charitable only when it suits them”

“they have eyes and ears everywhere”

Yeah. I’ve always said that Rhea is like one of those millionaires who give their pocket change to charity but then support policies that keep people poor. Hopefully no one will keep arguing that she cares about the poor or the disenfranchised. 

“Her grace thinks its a nuisance”- This tells us alot. Alfric had to convince Rhea to give half a rats ass about the poor but still speaks of her with honorifics. That’s the crack in his soul right there

I also love how Yuri protests whenever anyone - the church etc make plans for him, hes very self-governed

Hapi, Lysithea, El and Byleth should have a “victims of human experimentation” support group

Alternatively, Cursed People support group with Hapi, Marianne, Bernadetta and Dimitri

I like the C supports with Byleth and Balthus as well as Hapi because they tell us not just about them but about Byleth - Both adress Byleth’s go-with-the-flow tendencies and lack of own direction, though Byleth makes clear that by this point they actually like the professor gig

“I could see this person just about anywhere”...in a bad way. Oh but Hapi you too can be recruited to all routes XD No she’s right. By-By is being used and she should tell them. 

MORE PARENTS LORE I rejoiced so much and this was such a cool thing to adress here

At first it seems that Rhea was also after the chalice but turns out she had written it off and the one pursuing it within the church was Aelfric

But you all do catch the implication that she did this all before and “great tragedy” resulted? Right? You get what that means?

For once she actually noticed a mole though Aelfric likely wasn’t subtle

It results in a zombie dragon because she meant to revive a dragon not a human

By now people should really be used to Rhea handing out legendary treasure to byleth

there are friendly reminders of the western church purge still going on

I like how constance smells a spy right away

Also the contrast between Hapi’s jaded “Lets just give them the thing so they leave us in peace” (Yes, Lapis Lazuli) and Constance’s “We can’t let them have the artifact! theyre bad” - Constance might be shrill but she’s a person of action

The sunlight thing is a tad over the top/unrealistic but it’s not per se the cliched split personality thing, more like going outside brings out the bad memories after hiding away underground for so long (she tells mercedes as much) while she otherwise covers it with bluster. Her parents and older brother were killed and her hometown destroyed, after all. She is still basically talking the same overdramatic/ formal way

Perhaps two sides of nobility like the pride but also the demure good breeding n shit, there is some forced quality to the bluster even indoors

But ultimately she’s pretty hard working and determined underneath

At one point Hilda says something like, “You sure that we should interfere? I don’t want to make anything worse it might be better to stay out” - This right here is why you can’t get CF Hilda

Further Hilda facts: She had countless suitors and knows her way around “magical doo daads” and fortune telling

Having her mildly superstitious is of course a fun contrast to claude

“Compared to you even Hubert looks like a spring chicken” lol

I was going “Linny I love you” the whole time

Speaking of love... The moment I decided I loved Yuri is when I learned why he was expulsed - because the church sent him to kill someone he knew and rather than be upset, or thing how he might change society to prevent it or draw other conclusions from it... He refused on the spot and fough church ppl. That’s when I saw how he fits with the other characters. What the contrast was.

Yuri is one of those rare types who would never give the full voltage in the milgram experiment

Because see? That ties back so well into the themes

One of the main scenes that contrasts the house leaders is their reaction over having to fight Lonato. They all sympathize to a degree, but none acts against it. Claude and Edelgard show their dislike of the church and want to stop crap like this, but right there right then, they play along for the sake of their plans. (Claude’s plan at this point still involves stealing relics)

Dimitri is the closest to Yuri in that he immediately regrets it massively and says they should have found another way (in part because he is against the notion of “sacrifices for the plan”) but this realization comes to him only after all is done because ultimately he follows authority/ sees some good in it and the status quo

Yuri,  meanwhile, flat out refused. Yeah he also killed whoever the knight escord was but he refused

Also let this sink in: Yuri was slated for execution because he refused to kill someone he knew. This is what might have happened to Ashe, Sylvain etc. if they had refused to fight Lonato or Miklan. 

Aelfric arranged for him to fight someone he knew but that’s all he did, the rest is the result of normal church policy and then begged for pardon (meaning the normal policy would be to kill him) The mission might have gone to a different house, but the church constantly makes ppl fight ppl they know. You realize just how easily all our beloved characters could have ended up just like Yuri?!

I loved how, when offered info about their parents, Byleth immediately seeks it out with no delay

“Never discard a wild hunch lol“ Claude I love you Linhard I love you

Generally we see Dimitri being the local people person and catching onto details about people’s emotions and dispositions , while Edelgard is like, “Investigate this, investigate that” (i love that about her), and Claude is the oddball/curveball and follows his intuition. Yuri goes on instinct, Seteth, if I had to say, on experience perhaps, certainly caution. 

So she doesn’t even recognize Dimitri. She did say that “she can’t say the name” so she probably never learned that her little friend was the prince. Can ppl stop acting like she snubbed Dimitri or like she has any reason to treat him like a brother?

I don’t think he pieced it together until the ball, and she only realized either during the parlay (AM) or some time before their final confrontation (She distinctly knows by the time she killed him)

Another poignant moment is when she basically didn’t trst Aelfric and only started considering that he might be good by the time Team Slither showed up. Yeah she’s not trusting and would have zero base assumptions that any church ppl are good

By the time she learns about the Nuvelle crest she’s so done like, “Are there any MORE conspiracies I should be aware of?” And indeed there are

Aelfric is sort of a consequence of Rhea’s coverup certainly not an 1D villain. He started doubting her after the coverup began semi thinking for himself and at first this led him to try and make the abyss less chaotic and speak in their favor before Rhea, but then when Sitri’s body fell into his hands he was just too tempted

And UGH remember when I said that for all that im not a Rhea fan, i don’t thnk the human experimentation was so bad because she didn’t harm anyone and it seems like the homunculi lived out normal lives? yeah i take that back

Even if Sitri wasn’t healthy enough to travel she didn’t need to be completely isolated exept for trusted church peeps

This would have happened to Byleth. You see how this would have happened to Byleth? Completely isolated and controlled?

Oh Jeralt jeralt baby you were so right to flee with Byleth so right

Worse because Rhea was a parental figure

Also she kept creating more homunculi though they turn out frail and basically live miserable lives

and the first attempt with the chalice probably did kill ppl

sitting with the corpse all the time is creepy too

doest that mean Byleth won’t rot either?

So she was a book worm - Jeralt did say she was brainy

It did start as a mentor crush, much like Byleth’s own relationship might

I love how Edelgard is all subtly concerned after Yuris fake attack

I wonder how that apology line was phrased in Japanese, “useless” seems a bit harsh given that Edelgard generally seems to love her father, but there is no denying that he lost control of his empire and that as a result villains wrecked havock all over it so there’s nothing better she can say there excuses wont help constances situation

Like this must be very hard for her

Constance’s support definitely confirms that it was the Seven Families/ ie the PM and Arundel who did this to her (also lol at the concept that she basically wants to make Byleth her very own Hubert or Gilbert)

Edelgard is saddled with all this stuff from the previous administration - I mean so is Dimitri with the instability, the recent anexation of Duscur and part of Sreng... but she gets confronted with it more, iDK if it’s common knowledge who’s really in charge

Because Yuri is concerned with his turf, not the world, it makes sense that “his” route would be the sidestory. I kind of wanted a part 2 in the sense that I like this cast and want more of him as a main character but I also get why there isn’t one... because he wins no matter what. Lucky seven! He’s the one who can’t lose (except if you dont do the sidestory I guess) ”He works with whoever’s in power to maintain his own, just like when he made the deal with Rhea. He gets all three house leaders and Byleth to promise that they will look out for the Abyss so his bases are covered no matter who wins.

- even so he basically solved his own problem and Byleth’s presence just kinda gave him the opportunity . Well, one defining factor is that they trust Byleth exactly because they don’t “seem like a typical church funky

Still since Rhea tells us the backstory here what use is the silver snow ending? I suppose she doesn’t mention the homunculus/ “I created you” bit but the lack of decay and the transplanting heart bits do sort of hint at it

Certainly a contrast tho, like in SS you learn the magicky parts us in CS you get way more about who mommy actually was as a person

Poor, Poor Byleth. This must be such a mindfrick for them. Like I had so many feels for By-By

It’s so weird to go back and have the Yuri & so present throughout the monastery,but  not know us yet

[prophet-rebellion]

This is a bit of what went down is GS but is by no means every golden highlight I can think of, just got too long

Omfg, alright, so I just took an instant run down memory lane and now it’s STORY TIME. As some current information, I would still be in girl scouts right now had my troop not gotten disbanded. But uhhhhh, it did so there ended my “been doing this shit since kindergarten”

I could have joined one of the other local troops, but whenever we had more than my troop I usually wanted to hit a kid. I did not like kids from other troops and on more than one occasion this led to almost a brawl-- I had a hard enough time not decking my own troop members every week because they were all younger than me save for the leaders daughter (a few months older) and I had anger issues big time, my sisters usually hit the damn nail. (Save for this one really cute girl who was maybe a year older than me??? We were in a parade with her troop and she was cute. But we’ll get to why my mom and troop leader almost killed us all that night in a second.)

So we’ll start of the minor bs first. Now, my first year as a gs was spent with a different troop, there were 3 of us. So when that broke off I found a girl whose mom ran one and I joined. Automatically this was a much larger troop and much more rowdy so I should have seen something coming from the get-go, but no.

Now, the girl I had befriended was named C.C., she was the oldest of her own siblings, and to be perfectly honest, had I not been trapped in gs with her for years, I can safely say our relationship would probably be a lot more hostile, if we even knew each other. However, on more than one occasion over the years our pride got in our way as the two oldest girls in the troop and this lead to a few issues. I was gonna try to go in order but uhhhh, screw it. At one point we went camping and fucking uh, we got into a fight and she threw a fucking lamp at my head and then I tried to fucking jump her. We made up fast, but we broke the lamp and screwed a few other things up.

Also, our troop was really big on like, camping (but this site gave you everything so I mean????) and it used to be that all the adults could come on the trip and when they did they would have this special milk carton and it was the “grown up milk” and they told it was like, goat milk or 2% and we didn’t want any of that shit. So no way there. Yeah, as me and C.C. got older we realized they were drinking after most all of us were in the cabins asleep (these were not gs designated camp grounds, they were public places they did this). Just getting shit faced. Which led to them like, banning all adults except the troop leaders eventually.

Also, our secondary troop leader had this thing where she would like, moon people. And she thought this was the greatest god damn thing because she was, in her own words, “no way a small lady, so it’s a ‘bright’ full moon.” NONE OF US WERE SAFE. NONE!! She mooned every one of us, typically more than once. One time in public and we quickly scurried away from the cop that rounded the corner (running from cops happens on the down low more than once to us).

However, people outside the troop were never safe either. I brought my ex boyfriend along on a trip when were still together a few years back. It was around Christmas, the troop leaders kids didn’t want to go to the drive in show so there was space for him in the van. The only reason he came with is because his mom locked him out of his house while she was gone (a lie, his sister was home, he just wanted to hang around me more.) I warned him, WARNED HIM, that if I said turn around to do as I say, no questions asked, as fast as you register it. But god fucking forbid he listen to me. So, we went to the light show, I had my first kiss (regrettably) in a cramped van with my gs troop while no one was fucking looking. And this kept up!! A lot!! So when we got back to the house the two of us were outside and he kept trying to kiss me! and I told him it was a dumb idea, bad timing. So as soon as I pull back again the girls just burst the fuck onto the porch and just dumb popcorn on us. The secondary leader had thought this would be funny, I did not. And in a rage (anger issues, again) went into the house where they were losing in and im covered in popcorn, it’s everywhere on me, in my clothes, and I had to stop kissing my bf. So yeah, I was angry and flipped the hat off my mom head before storming back outside. Only moments later to hear the door open as I stood talking to him. The second my secondary leader stepped out and I saw the look on her face I whipped around where I stood and told him to do the same. Did he listen? No. (It’s fine, it was early punishment by the universe and I thank them.)

But those of us in the troop had it worse. Like, okay, the winter previously (I think it was before, maybe like 2 before??) we decided we wanted to go on the polar express. And it’s a Christmas only kind of deal so we racked up the money and went to go take the ride. Now first off- they told us there was unlimited hot chocolate. They were wrong. My troop kept getting more and eventually our car ran out for at least a bit. Second, there are still videos of the crew leading a ton of us down the isle doing like, some line dance thing/activity? Now, as far as the mooning goes. Oof. So, there’s of course curves on this train ride, we live in the mountains. And before we came up to one we didn’t see, our secondary leader stood up and mooned the two girls from our troop beside her!! I think they were being assholes but nothing was justifiable for what happened next. We hit the curve, and these two girls get there faces mushed against the window by the “full moon.”  To this day I feel sorry for these two.

I also scared the Santa who came around asking us what we wanted for Christmas because I very enthusiastically yelled “Soul Eater!”

Okay, so like, I’ve already forgotten a lot of what I was going to say!! But!! Girl Scout camping trips. Like, for actual ranks. Gods, the last one I ever went for was  a Cadet. Not the point, point is I should have had my gay awakening earlier, and I’m sure I did, I’m just fucking dumb met some hella people there. So aside from the fact I can never forget because I raced C.C. into a subways before going to a camp out, bit the dust, and now have a scar on my knee from eating concrete. Not the point though!! I went on one and when we got there we were put into the coldest, oldest, most run down site there. Further from everything else. We had gone a for the past few years, but this was the first that was a Cadet only deal for me and C.C. And automatically our neighbors are these chill girls!! They were cool. They were very social and I warmed up to them pretty quickly. There were 4 of them: Monkey (loved getting up into the rafters), Loud Mouth (Loudest and certainly the most out going), Katniss (loved the series), and No-name (Last day she decided on SugarHead).

I got closer to Loud Mouth more than any of the others and she did some bs, if was fucking hilarious. Also learned to never, never play truth or dare with them because it will go to hell, every time. There were so may cute people though!! So!! MANY!! But yeah, so we all picked our camp names. Mine still makes me cringe and I’m glad Loud Mouth just called me a nickname variation of it.

But uh, there was one girl I used to chat Soul Eater with, we exchanged numbers after camp but eventually we lost touch because I suck ass at communication and my phone got destroyed so I lost her number (same with another girl I used to talk to). There was also another camper named Cyprus. I thought it was a fake name but apparently not?? I loved her name. I met her when we I showed up to make a Harry Potter broom. A little late becuase again, furthest camp site from anyone, but for the most part we hit it off well at first, didn’t talk much at all the last day though. But it’s such an odd name,  and because all the campers were local, a few years back there was a girl at a con who could have been her from the vague memory I had and her friend goes “Hey Cyprus, look at this” and I just whipped around and worked up the nerve to ask if it was. It was not, but it was worth the ask.

Okay this went from like, borderline illegal to gay so one more thing-- the parade girl-- and we’re good. Because this if long as shit right now.

So my troop was in the parade every year, without fail we were in most of them at least. But we never, never missed being in the Christmas parade (god, for one year I just wanted to watch the damn thing, but no, we just had to be in it). So at some point in the year we decided to invite another local troop on with us, and of course I wasn’t the happiest about it. Until I got there and there was a hella cute girl there!! Like!! Hell yeah!! How the fuck did I think I was straight, this is just painful to relive all my gay ass moments in gs But the point is that it was cold as fuck for them and I’m a living ass heater, but I was not going to pas up hot food. Se we took off running, me, C.C. and this other girl, past our float and past a few others to get free hot apple cider. My mom was pissed but it;s hard to take her seriously when shes dressed like an elf. Next, we finish our cider and then up ahead we see a funnel cake car and we just lost it and take off yet again. We had enough money to get like two but before we could by any nice hot fluffy fc we were chased away by my mother and troop leader who were livid. But it was worth it.

But yeah, I loved gs, even when I grew away from it at the end. Didn’t realize I’d miss it as much as I did once we were disbanded by the council. But the shenanigans we got up to in the church that we met in the last few years were wonderful. I swear it’s fucking haunted though. I also feel asleep in the hallway one time texting my ex during a meeting. They just kinda left me. The secondary leader knew I wasn’t as interested in what she was getting the younger kids to do, and since the primary leader didn’t show up a lot over the last year I was allowed to just kind of chill in the kitchen with her while she made snacks. I was mostly the taste tester and ranted to her a lot about things.

Y’ALL STILL CATCH ME READY TO THROW HANDS WITH PEOPLE OVER COOKIES THO. LIKE, ALL THIS GS COOKIE FLAVORED SHIT HIT OUR SALES HARD IN OUR AREA AND WE HAD TO UP THE PRICE AGAIN, WHICH HIT US HARDER. I’LL STILL THROW DOWN OVER THAT. I am very, very passionate about cookie sells no matter how much I hated them.

[cometkins]

random ravnica dnd thots kozy you can read if you want

just thinking about ilya and his romantic relationships As Usual and i just kinda wanted to talk at the air about them to organize my own thoughts bc i care about One Thing. kozy if you’re reading this it will be stream of consciousness and good luck getting anything out of this lmao

obvs i know what i want as endgame which is for ilya and danny to get together bc i very much enjoy the idea of two very traumatized people working together so they can heal past it with a level of understanding that people who haven’t been through the same things won’t have bc like. yeah we love mutual growth and understanding in relationships. pretty poggers

their traumas are not the same and are awful in different ways but i would say they’re both like. equally fucked up from it. ilya is barely fresh off of years of awful physical abuse (not to mention the continued verbal/emotional abuse at the hands of his mother and guild at large) and danny isn’t even out of the hospital last we checked on him with the barest hint of a will to live after losing all of his life’s work and his job and also being paralyzed and like.

i am trying to figure out how to get them to even bond in the first place bc while i as the player know what i want i don’t think ilya as a character does yet. like. ilya currently cares about danny and spending time with him if only bc he feels responsible for convincing him to jump out of his spaceship to try and be saved and seeing how despondent he is rn has him feeling some level of guilt and compulsion to try and comfort him. it’s weird to remember sometimes since ilya is such a selfish asshole most of the time but he is a healer and likes being a healer and it’s in his nature to do so. as much as orzhov is a very black magic guild it is still also a white magic guild, you know. the white magic part of ilya wants to help danny be better, even if right now it’s very motivated by guilt over something deeper. i just think it can be deeper

but anyway, ilya has spent the past 4-ish years wanting to escape his shitty abusive marriage to the point of being ready to jump out a window before father alexei yanked him off the sill and dragged him fully outside the church so he couldn’t do it and the only thought in his head that gave him any reason or will to live was the potential of seeing sarren again and being with him because it was way better than being choked out every day of his life

so ngl him being pretty much banned from seeing or interacting with sarren has him doing Very Bad but having the new goal of torturing and killing nikolai and having people thank him for it is what’s helping him deal with THAT but anyway

ilya is still (currently) very much of the mind that he wants to try and make things work with sarren again because he still genuinely loves him a lot but i think after years and years of abuse and building up this past relationship in his mind he kind of has rose tinted glasses on wrt sarren in general. sarren not seeming to remember how he treated ilya already has ilya slipping back into old feelings of resentment and the fact that he’s not putting in enough effort (in ilya’s mind) to see him again and spend time with him has him feeling hurt. we haven’t rp’d the scene out yet but the fact that sarren even showed up to their secret meeting probably shocked ilya a lot. i think ilya would’ve been willing to wait the entire day and night to see sarren but he wouldn’t have been very happy about it. i think (whether true or not) ilya feels like sarren is ashamed to be seen with him to some degree, since he’s poor and a pariah within his guild and sarren prioritizes his work and keeping up appearances. being seen with ilya is almost shameful despite the fact that they were married

but regardless, his relationship with and marriage to sarren was ilya’s first glimpse into the idea that people could treat him well and actually genuinely care about him but he also still feels like he can’t really hope to ask for more than the neglect sarren gave him? ilya feels ugly and worthless most days and the fact that sarren was ever interested in him still shocks him. i imagine a lot of marriages in the orzhov are political/arranged ones like the one he had with nikolai so the idea of having a loving relationship is already super foreign as a concept to him.

idk how he and danny might end up but i like to think it’s one that could be better than what he had with sarren even in small ways.

im still trying to figure out how ilya might get danny to even begin to warm up to him and rn he’s kind of just hanging out in his hospital room reading and bringing him food and books so he has anything else to eat or do and so he knows that at least somebody seems to care about him enough to be around him? but i think i might have ilya bring him cigarettes next time he can visit to really get him to crack. i don’t think ilya likes them from a healer perspective but if it’ll help danny cope that’s fine enough for now.

will prob go with celeste to make sure he can get his job back or at least be able to work in celeste’s lab bc if she’s leading shit why can’t she pick her own employees damn fuck u zir wackass ableist bitch

but yeah. idk man i go back and forth on if ilya will really be happy with either man and sometimes i wonder if maybe he couldn’t just be with both bc he has two hands but i also do think that unless ilya and sarren can really have the time to make up and be together ilya will pull back, esp if sarren doesn’t vastly improve from how he was before, and that’s hard when they can’t even be with each other in a meaningful capacity rn. i tend to feel that if your relationship was super bad before that unless there’s been major growth between the both of you that it won’t work if you try to get back together. idk if ilya has exactly done any growing but he wasn’t necessarily why the marriage fell apart in the first place so. big shrug.

danny and ilya haven’t really interacted enough for me to say what will be good and bad, i just have Ideas for how i’d like them to be and envision how things could go but what i expect and what happens almost never lines up so. we’ll see w them. i don’t think they’ll make much progress until they like. talk. i’ve joked about how they’re two people that would be comfortable spending entire days together in utter and complete silence like utter crazy men and i do think that can still be true when they’re actually together but yknow. they need to get to know each other more first lol.....

it’s hard to plan for how i want to try and have them interact when i’m getting hit with a brick wall but i’m stubborn and persistent and will not be swayed from my efforts :’))) it’ll happen

[gayghosttt]

I wanna hear your answers to your questions thingie ☺️

Thank you I am avoiding studying for 3 finals rn lmao

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal, I do not like milk at all it makes me feel sick Every time lmao

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Y e s I love being cold

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? mm usually a sticky note

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I don’t really like tea but I usually have some kind of cold coffee or with cream and 2 sugar if its hot

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?  mmm kind of yes

6: do you keep plants? I don’t currently have any but I love having them

7: do you name your plants?  yes!!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? currently more words than visual art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes, I mostly do it in my head though

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?  I almost always sleep on my left side but I sometimes sleep on my right side or back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? long boy, CRACKS PANTS, What if i was Straight

12: what's your favorite planet? mm I actually don’t know a whole lot about any of them but I think neptune is Very pretty

13: what's something that made you smile today? my friend paige and I sent each other christmas cards and I got hers in the mail today!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? there would be his nerdy video game stuff Everywhere and my books and movies everywhere and a little bit of glitter on everything lmao

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it is quiet Everywhere in space

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? lasagna is the actual love of my life

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?  BLUE OR DARK PURPLE

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I do alot of dumb things lmao but last semester when I lived in a residence hall with my friends i was always shouting IM GAY down the hallway or kicking my leg up high to put it on the window ledge

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I am very forgetful so I never keep a journal or sketchbook consistently 

20: what's your favorite eye color? brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have a bag that’s lasted a super long time but my little blue makeup bag used to be my sister’s and I’ve been using it since high school 

22: are you a morning person? If I’ve slept enough then yes but when I have classes at 8 am,, no

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?  sleep in and watch movies

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? mmm probably Steven? He knows most of them already

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? THE CHURCH PARKING LOT WE GOT LOCKED INTO TOGETHER AT NIGHT

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I rotate between like 3 pairs but I have some beat up black high tops I’ve had since high school that I love

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? usually just minty gum

28: sunrise or sunset?  sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? steven calls me everytime he’s driving home from school and we always say I love you before hanging up its gay and i love him v much

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. okay I get judged for it alot but I wear socks 24/7 I have Too many socks and theyre all cute and yes I wear socks to bed and I wear them all the fricking time I am uncomfy being barefoot

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Nothing recently but last semester I used to stay up until like 4 am with alot of my friends watching movies and one time like 10 of us watched star wars and had snacks and had a big cuddle pile sleepover on the floor

33: what's your fave pastry? chocolate croissants 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? mm I have a bunch still bc alot of them were given to me by someone sepcial/ for special reasons and one of my favorites is a pink bear with a dodgers hat that was from my dad when I was a kid

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do! If I have stationary I’ll use it to send people mail

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? currently I’m listening to lana del rey and its fitting

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  I am an organized messy person so I am like half and half

38: tell us about your pet peeves! when people invite themselves over/ just show up without asking, opening doors without knocking, chewing with your mouth open

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a black ring I wear everyday that was from my sister and it makes me think of her since we don’t currently live in the same house while im at college

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? How to remodel a man by w. bruce cameron, I found it at the library and got it just bc it sounded like a funny title and it was genuinely the funniest book I’ve ever read I loved it 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Either 85 degrees down the street from me bc its really cute and the chocolate bread there is Amazing or coffee bean in my city cause it has a v nice atmosphere and the baristas all know my sister so they’re really friendly

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I have no idea actually

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ???????????

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?  I try to

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.  earlier Aaron and I were roasting Morrissey and I said that when moz cancels shows/doesnt show up bc he’s sick its like he just sneezes once and then he’s like,,, oh my god am I,,, Still Ill

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?  tuna

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I don’t really remember tbh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes!! last record was the Uni single release and its clear and v cool and the last cd was a paul mccartney one i think 

50: what's an odd thing you collect? pins mostly

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate alot of music with a lot of people but one song that reminds me of you is little queenie by sad girl

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?  the one of the white guy making a confused face is maybe my fav

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? rocky and heathers and beetlejuice yes and I love them all v much, I watched pulp fiction once at like 3 am and i slept through alot of it by accident so I cannot give an accurate opinion

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my sister

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? im not sure but my middle name is dramatic So

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they genuinely want to know about how your day was, when they remember something you said a long time ago, when they bring you something out of the blue because they know you like it

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? yes alsways it is one of the best songs ever

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?  I don’t currently have a solid Group of friends but between us I would say you are probably wine mom and i am vodka aunt lmao

59: what's your favorite myth? I love a lot but rn I love the loch ness monster 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes but currently none are coming to mind lmao

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? sometimes I give steven glitter bc i love it and he Hates it lmao but I’m not sure if I’ve ever really gotten a stupid gift?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope, usually just water

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? organized, not necessarily alphabetical or anything but I like things by the same author or artist to be together 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? alot of my high school and college pals

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? mmm probably a lot of dark red roses and little white flowers

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? kinda depends but usually I like them

68: what's winter like where you live? usually cold and kinda rainy but lately its still in the 80s and hot

69: what are your favorite board games? bingo always

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no and I Maybe would??

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not super into tea but i don’t mind green tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?  v much so

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastinating, leaving water bottles on the floor, ignoring instructions 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they have brown hair and glasses and really pretty eyes and live in another country and are so sweet and remind me of a little fox

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any but my siblings both have fish and barry is my fav little guppy even though he’s a rude drama queen

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? studying for my finals

77: pink or yellow lemonade? both but I like pink alot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h a t e

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my friends used to make me mixtape cds alot

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? at college they’re just white bc its a dorm but at home they’re blue and my dad and I painted them secretly one summer lmao

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. looks like the inside of a blue gelpen

82: are/were you good in school? I try to be, I’ve always had a hard time in math and science classes but I’m good with artsy and english classes

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I have,,, to many to pick from

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? currently no? I’m very indecisive so I’m not sure what I would get bc I would want it to have a special meaning

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? not really but I wouldn’t mind

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? probably alot but ziggy stardust and sgt pepper come to mind first

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? eraserhead, big fish, and casablanca

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? mmm yes probably alot but rn I really like zines

89: are you close to your parents? my dad yes my mom is very up and down

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I really love the Manhattan Beach area it’s always made me really happy since I was a kid something about it just always feels welcoming and familiar to me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? not sure

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? depends on the pasta but generally I like alot of cheese

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? It’s always the same fluffy messy curly besides when I put it up in a little ponytail sometimes

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend tori from high school

95: what are your plans for this weekend? going back home and Finally sleeping alot

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it usually takes me about a week to finally stop being lazy and do them

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? I think I was ensj or insj or something like that last time i checked, I’m a gemini and I have no idea about my hogwarts house lmao

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? probably a few years ago and it was pretty okay

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. there are a Lot but lust for life by the band girls always reminds me of myself and i’m listening to flatsound rn and alot of his music hits me hard bc I feel like that alot

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? as much as I would like to have things back from my past I would probably say future, I’d like to skip ahead a bit to when some things have changed and are hopefully better

[chaoticghost21]

Props & Mayhem; Chapter Thirteen

It was a few days later, the boys were cuddling on the couch watching Impractical Jokers. They were mostly quiet until they started laughing. Then Justin got the idea; the show was already funny but imagine how funny it would be if they were high? He'd bring that up to Alex the next commercial break. When the break finally came, Justin turned to Alex, “hey babe, what do you think about getting high and watching this?“

Alex raised an eyebrow “hmm sounds funnn we shouldddd” he giggled “why not”

“I'll go get the stuff,” Justin said, getting up and getting his pipe, bag of weed, and his vape pen, bringing it all out into the living room, setting it all on the coffee table.

Alex hums a little, sitting up on the edge of the couch. “I honestly kinda feel bad? Like i got so upset that you did it but like now i am?”

Justin shrugged, “oh well,” he packed the pipe and set it back on the table, taking a hit of the pen first. The pen itself was too weak but the flower in the pipe was too strong by itself so he would always use both to get him where he wanted to be. “Which one do you want first?” He asked Alex.

“The pipe first” Alex said, he still felt bad, he’d gotten so mad at Justin but now here he was doing the same thing, he felt hypocritical.

Justin handed him the pipe, he himself taking another hit off the pen before they switched.

Alex hummed quietly, taking a hit off of it, laying back and putting his head in Justin's lap.

Justin smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him before taking another hit.

Alex giggles, taking another hit off the pipe. “We should try that shotgunning thingggg”

“Okay,” Justin took a hit, holding it for a moment before leaning down and kissing Alex, blowing the smoke into his mouth as well did so.

Alex parted his lips slightly, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. He pulled back after a second, letting the smoke out past his lips.

Justin smiled, kissing him again before repeating his actions with the pipe.

Alex giggles softly, taking a hit off the pen, “remember when we used to so this a lot in high school?” He hummed softly.

“Yeah, those were good and bad times but I got you out of it. I honestly think we can blame weed for our relationship,” Justin laughed.

Alex giggles and nods “honestly like, it's pretty much how we got together. Right after that one night.” He said softly “i honestly remember it like it was yesterday.”

“I was drunk and high literally 24/7 back then so I only remember bits and pieces, you should tell me the story,” Justin said, he did remember it but he loved the way Alex explained everything and how he told it.

“It was so like tense like. I called you because i just felt so bad and almost did something really bad. And at this point we were basically together, much closer than just friends, but you didn't really wanna admit it at the time. But you just came over and climbed up through my window. We cuddled and literally got high, i'm surprises my dad didn't know honestly like how?? But then you started being all fuckin sappy and cheesy and kissed me” Alex said, smiling “it was so nice honestly”

“Yeah. You know you are the first time I've seen love, the first I've ever experienced. But honestly it's the last I'll ever need and my future is nothing if I don't have you, I wouldn't throw this away for anything. We may be young but we know that this is love. Thank you for giving me another chance every time I screwed up. I love you so much, you are my world; my everything.”

Alex blushes and sits up, moving into Justin's lap. “You're so cheesy jusss” he says “but fuck i love you. You're honestly the only person i want to spend the rest of my life with. I really can't see myself without you. Well, alive anyway. You mean too much to me”

 “Me too, I honestly think we saved each other. Without you'd, I'd be dead, Wyeth l whether I did it myself or one of my mom's boyfriends did it, it was bound to happen and you got me out of there and now look at us. We're adults living together in our own apartment, away from that town and most of the people in it.”

“I know damn well that you saved me” Alex says “like literally. If you hadn't called me that night i'd be dead. But now we're here, yeah we both may be a little fucked up and not ready to tell each other some things but we have each other. And that will never change. no matter what.”

“Exactly, I wouldn't trade you for $1,000,000; I might trade you for penguin though,” Justin joked.

“You wouldnttttt” Alex pouts slightly “im cuter and more cuddly than a penguinnnn”

“But have you seen a penguin? The tiny blue ones, you may be cuddlier and cuter but you have to admit you want one of those, they're so little and cute!”

Alex giggles “okay okay fineeee they are cute. But we literally couldn't have one, it's not cold enough hereeee”

“I will invest in a lot of freezers,” Justin smiled.

“It will literally make our apartment like antarctica. And wed have to get a lot of raw fish and that would probably smell bad”

“I would do it just to have a penguin…. We could get multiple and open a penguin zoo!!!” Justin exclaimed very loudly, now bouncing up and down excitedly.

Alex giggles “Where would we open it thoughhhhh”

“We'd get a house and do it there, duh,” Justin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Alex giggles and nods, nuzzling into his neck “we could do that one day” he said “maybe we could adopt a kid or two too?”

“Of course but we have to get married first. I want to get married before I do everything else.”

Alex smiles and nods “of course Jus” he said “i can't wait until we finally get to”

“Me either, just need some more money and maybe we could do it,” Justin looked off into space picturing their wedding in his head. He didn't know who would take who's last name but honestly he didn't care that much though he would prefer to take Alex's try get rid of the name he had, the one he wanted nothing to do with.

Alex smiles and looks up at him, “do you wanna have like a big proper church wedding or just a small one?” He says.

“Small one, only a few people there like your family and….” Justin trailed off, he didn't know who else would be at their wedding besides Alex's family.

“Maybe Monty and Jeff and zach?” Alex said, looking up at Justin “other than that i'm not really sure”

“Yeah, maybe. If I could have anyone there I'd wish that my mom would get cleaned up and show up and that she would act like she cares. I wish I knew the rest of my family but my mom never let me have communication with them. I know I have aunts, uncles, and cousins but I've never met them and I don't even know their names,” Justin said sadly a bit of hope laced his voice.

Alex frowns a little “maybe we could get in contact with them somehow? See if they could come?” Alex says softly.

He shrugged, “I doubt they even know I exist.”

“I'm sure theyd at least know that jus. Maybe they don't know you but i'm sure we could figure something out” he says, playing with Justin's hair

“I want to but I don't know how to or if they want to hear from me or if they even know of my existence. Maybe if I got on contact with them off find out why my dad left and why my mom hates me,” he said, leaning into Alex's hand, him loving his hair being played with.

“We’ll just have to try Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't hurt to try.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. When do you want to get married?” Justin asked him before taking another hit off the pen.

Alex hummed softly, taking a hit off the pipe “I don't think we’ll be able to anytime soon,” he said, “maybe in a few years?”

Justin nodded, “yeah it won’t be for a while, we definitely have to save up money first; from what I’ve heard weddings can be expensive.”

“I think they are. I mean from watching bridezillas and shit they get really expensive” Alex said, giggling a little.

“True… please tell me you aren’t going to be that way,” Justin begged.

“No i wontttt” Alex says, poking Justin's cheek “i may be dramatic but i'm not that dramatic.”

“Really? You’re not that dramatic,” Justin said with an eyebrow raised. “Have you forgotten about when the grocery store ran out of nutella and chocolate bars and you made a scene and got us kicked out of the store?”

Alex blushed brightly “i wanted nutella and chocolate! They should've had it” Alex pouted “i'm not dramaticcc”

“You screamed and fell to your knees, yelling about how cruel the world is and you wouldn’t stop until the manager came over and asked us to leave. Even then I had to drag you out of the store because you still wouldn’t stop.”

“Pfttttt i don't remember that part.” Alex said, blushing darker “that nEvEr happened.”

“They have your picture up in the store. You are not allowed back in. Did you forget the reason why I’m the one who has to do all the shopping?”

“At least i looked cute in the picture” Alex shrugged “okay fine maybe i'm a littleeee dramatic. You love it though.”

“You do look cute in the picture, I have to see it everytime I go into the store. All the workers stare at me like they think I stuffed you into a bag and brought you in with me though,” Justin kissed him, “you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you, because I hate that store.”

Alex giggles and kisses back “i love you toooo. And we could always go to another storeee.” He said “plus how would you stuff me into a bag and sneak me in. I wouldn't fit!”

“I could make you fit, and remember, I got kicked out of the other grocery store? I screamed at people because they made me mad… We can’t ever go grocery shopping in this town together until they stop the ban on us.. In about a month.”

“I'm still pretty sure people here just have something against us! Like they didn't need to ban usssss” Alex said “we could've been all domestic and went shopping together”

“We could’ve if you didn’t freak out and scream in a store for like 10 minutes straight and if I didn’t threaten to run over people with my cart… Maybe it is our fault.”

“Maybeeeee but still ! People have done worse things and they still get to goooo.”

“It was only a three month ban from each, other people have gotten worse.”

“Stillll” Alex said “i like going shopping with you cause i don't like sitting here all lonely.”

“Same, and I hate shopping by myself, I always forget things.”

“You always text me asking me what we neeeed” Alex giggles “it's cutee”

“It’s embarrassing, I always forget what we need and then I still forget to grab it after you tell me what we need,” he pouted.

“Awwww jusssss” Alex said, poking his lip “it's okayyyy”

Justin tried to bit his finger as it poked his lip.

Alex giggles a little “heyyyyy what was that forrr”

“You touch my lip, I bite,” Justin said, his voice muffled by Alex’s finger still in his mouth, “it’s the rules.”

Alex pouts and pulls his finger back “you just wanted an excuse to bite me.”

“I plead the fifth.”

“I don't know what that means” Alex says

“I choose to remain silent in order to not incriminate myself.”

“I still don't get it but oKaY”

“Well I have to learn some law stuff and you don’t, so makes sense,” Justin smiled.

“True” Alex says, laying on his shoulder, “m hungry” he mumbles softly.

“What do you want? I can make you something.”

Alex shrugs a little “i dunno” he says softly “surprise me?”

He nodded and went into the kitchen, after a lot of crashes and pots banging he finally came out, “we actually had stuff to make spaghetti so that’s what I did.”

Alex giggles and nods, standing up “is that why everything was banging?”

“I dropped pans and then it got stuck and I had difficulties but I DID IT!” Justin said victoriously.

Alex giggles and walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck “good for you jusss”

Justin picked him up and ran into the kitchen, carrying him the whole time. He set Alex down at the table, “now eat.”

“Gosh you sure seem excited” Alex giggles softly, “you sit down and eat too dork.”

Justin laughed and sat down across the small table from Alex, starting to eat.

Alex hummed and picked up the fork, biting his lip and hesitating slightly before taking a small bite.

Justin smiled at the fact that Alex was eating. He didn’t put that much on Alex’s plate but he put as much as he knew Alex could eat, he cared more about the boy than he did himself and even though Alex said it was fine, Justin was going to find a way to make it up to him for hitting him, he was going to find a way to pay him back.

Alex hummed a bit, taking another small bite and glancing up at Justin. “Whatcha thinking about jus?” He asked.

“You,” he replied with a smile.

Alex blushes a little “be more specific?”

“Just you in general, how much I love you and want to be with you forever. How adorable you are and just everything about you.”

Alex blushes and looks down “you're so cheesy sometimes gosh”

“Only for youuu!”

Alex giggles, smiling a bit “i knowwwww” he says, taking another bite.

Justin smiled, taking another bite before his phone went off, alerting him he had a text. He Looked back up at Alex, “Monty and Jeff want to know if we want to go out with them tomorrow night.”

“Hmmm yeah. Sure we can” he said, humming a bit

Justin nodded, texting back and putting his phone away, continuing eating.

Alex ate a few more bites before pushing the plate away, “m full”

Justin nodded, not wanting to push him and took the plate away.

Alex hummed softly to himself, playing with his sweater sleeves.

Justin walked back  over and huigged him, kissing his cheek.

Alex smiles a bit and hugs back, clinging to him “can we go back nd cuddle?”

“Yesss, do you wanna watch a movie??”

Alex nodded “please?” He says softly, looking up at Justin.

“What movie?”

“Uhhhh everything everything?”

He nods, putting it in and then going back to the couch

Alex smiles and sits next to him, nuzzling into his neck.

The movie played as they cuddled, Justin kissing Alex every once in awhile.

Alex smiles a little, closing his eyes and yawning a little “m sleepy”

“Let’s go to bed then, we actually have to do something tomorrow,” Justin said, getting up and offering his hand to Alex.

“Carry meeee” Alex pouts slightly “pleasee?”

Justin nodded and picked up Alex but the boy himself being very much under the influence of recreational drugs had difficulties and tripped over his feet, almost dropping Alex.

Alex squealed slightly, clinging tightly to Justin “m i too heavy” Alex asks softly, looking up at him.

“Not at all, you are very light, I’m just high and I tripped,” Justin said. “See look,” he said, lifting Alex up and down as if he were a weight.

Alex giggles softly, holding onto him “that's funnnnnnn”

Justin continued doing it and purposely threw Alex into the air, catching him as he came down.

Alex gasps softly, clinging to him once he came back down “holy fuck that was scary” he mumbled.

Justin laughed, “what, you don’t have faith in me to catch you?”

“I dooooo” Alex says “jus felt weird and scary. Of course i trust you Jus.”

“I would never drop you, if I started to fall or something, I would turn myself midair so you would land on me instead of the ground.”

Alex blushes a bit “gosh you're so protective sometimes Jus. ‘S cuteeee” he giggles “i love you”

“I love you too!” He kissed Alex.

Alex smiles and kisses back, keeping his arms around his neck “now let's go get in bed and cuddleeee”

He nodded and ran them to their bedroom, throwing Alex onto the bed, jumping onto the bed with him.

Alex giggles and bounces slightly, nuzzling into Justin’s neck once he gets in bed too

Justin smiled, kissing Alex's head before wrapping his arms around him.

Alex smile, humming quietly “night jus.” He says softly “i love youuu”

“Night Alex, I love you too, so freaking much,” Justin said, whispering the last part.

Alex smiles and kisses his cheek, closing his eyes and slowly falling asleep.

----------------------------------

Chapter 14 will be up on @13imagines-why in a few minutes!!

[gololblr]

"Did god have a say in the creation of the world" is a phrase that doesnt seem that odd when first looking at it, but can really mess someone up.

Like, was he limited to making our world with the constants we currently have? Could god have just said, yea lets round the G to 7*10^-11 and everything would still work out?

This also goes into my personal gripe with lines. Draw a line on a piece of paper, yea? Look closer. It aint a line. Its a gradent. There is no point that it suddenly becomes black from white. There's always white in the black, and vice-versa. There's always gray area.

Science knows this fact. They know that there are always more decimals n stuff, but they just choose to ignore it. Pass it off because its too small to matter in the long run? And yet, decimals can still fuck up am equasion a lot. Using 10m/s compared to 9.8m/s compared to (G*M1*M2)/(d^2) doesnt seem like a lot, but it really is a lot. Highschool physics? Literally throw air resistance out the window for the entire class. The only mention is that its not to be taken into account.

Seconds are the same way. If someone asks you to do something at a particular second, its really hard. Even then, theyres still gray area. Even with the implimentation of frames and button presses in video games, theres still a kind of window where its gray. Where its in between two frames. That area still exists.

Im honestly no "big brained" individual, but honestly humans are literally like if you hit the "randomize all" option on like the mii creator, but with like infinite possibilities. And honestly, to me thats much more beautiful and poetic than being told im made to fit the mold of some perfect being and its standards.

This goes into my own personal "dice roll" think. Tbh, theres probably some big brain theologian or old dude with a beard thinking about this right now, but in a different context, but my idea is as follows.

You can roll a dice yea? Its got like 6 sides on it. Now you'd think that that means when you roll it, there are only 6 possibilities right? And roll it enough times itll land back the same as when you started? Well in my mind, it can technically land on the same number, but it cant land in the same position. Think about it. Just from the directions of the corners, you can tell its wont. But if you look closer, you can tell it will never be the exact same positioning. If you roll a dice, it may land on that number again, but itll never land in the same spot.

This can also be seen in identical twins. Even though they look the same, they still have differnces. Whether it be a nose .00004 mm to the left, or a scar over their eye, or a hatred of spinach, there will be a difference. Even 2,000,000 years down the road, when someone is born with the same name, and the same face, they wont be the same as you. They wont have the same inteactions, or likes n dislikes. Even if they did somehow do not only gene manipulation and simulations on someone to replicate you, they couldnt possibly have the exact cell mutations or gene replication errors that make the little things in you, you.

You are just as unrepeatable as the roll of a dice, or the exact moment a leaf breaks off and falls. Which brings me to my next point.

I have never witnessed a leaf leave its branch. I have literally sat and watched trees and leaves every fall since i realized how mind boggling it is, and i still have yet to see it.

Dont get me wrong, ive seen falling leaves, seeds, and pinecones. I know gravity works and why fall is so great. Bit i have never seen a leaf cross the threshold of letting go of its branch. I know it exists. I know that wind probably effects it, but leaves will fall even without wind. I cant help but wonder at what causes that windless leaf to fall. Is it a cornerstone cell that just finally gives out? Is it some other kind of thing? What could possibly result in a falling leaf?

What is the exact chemical process that results in decay? Suprisingly, thats a question i can anwser. That is simply the improper copying of dna and stuff.

And yet, we still dont know how our brains work. We can look at cells, we can look at atoms, but we cannot possibly understand why laughter is a thing. We dont know anything about sleep, and even less about anaesthetics. Yet we do them regularly, even rely on them.

Humans survive mostly from two things. Sweating, and speaking. And honestly, those are probably the most horrifying things imaginable for prey. Sweating means we have cazy endurance. We can and will hunt anything down until it physically cannot move, and then kill it. And screaming to eachother at the same time. To be hunted by humans is much more scary then literally anything else. That is why horror mostly stars human-esk creatures that hunt humans.

One of humanity's greatest assests is also one of my biggest gripes. That is our obsession with observation and ourselves. We observe the world, and from that are given measurments and tools. We then use that to help ourselves. But we also have to see things. A famous phrase is "seeing is believing". Perfect example of this. We have to touch things. Even if its just with our eyes. But we also for some reason dont want to process things that arent ourselves.

Think about the non-humans that humans create. All those elderic abominations amd the like. Even the green martian men. They all are humaniods in shape. Even demonic, and cursed things have limbs. They have a head, and they have a brain. Anythign that is supposed to be equal to us or greater to us in power is humaniod. God? Humanoid. Satan? Humaniod. Kuthulu? Generally depicted as humaniod. Honestly the only exception to this idea is the angels in the bibel, like the cherubim and seraphim. Which at least one of them is a munch of rings with eyes and also wings.

Anywho, where was i? Oh yea, lines.

Nobody's perfect. Even in a computer world. Pixels are made of lights, which blend together and create gradents which are imperfect. Imputs are rounded. Time is rounded into frames. Fundamentally we are out of sinc with the universe. We round the numbers to the place we care about, putting a blind eye to those things.

Yet dont they add up? I mean in some cases yea, they do. Clocks become slow or fast. Heck even the official weight of a gram has changed. The object that was used to measure a gram actually ended up decaying enough that it messed up the official weight.

Dont even get me started on pi and natural e. Apparently (and i dont know for sure on this) but engineers round those numbers to 3. Like that is just messed up. That will actually, and legitimately fuck up a building or anything else.

Humans are truly odd creatures. Did you know that the current understanding of why we want to closely touch and even harm/kill cute and adorable things and even have the epression "i could eat you up... etc." Is beause we cannot process that emotion and so to relieve ourselves we want to rid the world of its existence? Its freakin wild honestly. We cant process something so we kill it. Itsnt that something just so specifically human?

Humans have such a thirst for knowledge, and yet also a fear of it. Consider comparing people like stalin and hitler and even the church, who burned and banned knoledge, to librarians who kept that knowledge.

Consider the eletric universe theory. Something that goes contrary to the current model of physics, but also works better in some areas. According to that, the sun wasnt always our sun, and also we were originally orbiting a red sun. Something totally wild to think about, but also makes sense. Like why ancient peoples kept talking about a red sun, and venus as a comet. It also states the idea that we didnt always have seasons, and that has something to do with why plants bloom when under red lights. I honestly dont know as much as i would like about this part to explain it better, but oh well.

We have this need to put everything in order, to have perfection. We just want to be the best we can. Specifically better than everyone else. And even if that means killing, harming, or demeaning others. Only if we are on the top, we will be alright.

--- Intermission---

... i just want to mention that i have no degree in this shit and also no sources bc im too lazy and tired to look up that shit. Also, when i say "human" really i can only speak generally. I know for a fact that some peopld break the mold to certain extents n stuff, i just wanted to streamline it a little bit.

---Intermission over---

Our obsession with being the best has led us to ome conclusion. However, that conclusion is contradictory to the question asked. To become the best, we have to work with others. Because "if i cant be the best, then nobody can.". And boom, we got society n shit. We start working together to hunt amd gather, and generally be nice people. Because loosing someone means lossing another source of food.

But im getting off the point. This isnt supposed to be a history of humanity. Everyone already knows that story. Humans started planting things, created towns, created cities, fought eachother and died a lot. Eventually enslaved eachother and finally decided that was a bad thing, even thoug not everyone in the world agrees. Now there's god, and politics, and school, and problems.

But what caused all of this? What was the catylist? What was the starting factor? Can the reason people fight today be traced back to the first accidental killing of a brother like cain and able? Or is it somethig totally recent. Is the reason we have society because two ancient homo sapien families merged? Or was it something else? Why do we wear clothes? Theyrs little to no reason except in the winter. Especially if we started in africa or Australia. I have no anwsers for these questions.

But dont let the past decide who you are. Theres a reason we have memories. Its to improve yourself. We are constantly at a crossroads. Even if you dont realize it.

You can physically do anything. Humans are scary crazy. If you just put enough minds to it, literally anything is possible. Sending someone to space? Yep. Being able to kill all life on the planet? Yep. Be able to eat uncooked broccoli? Definitely. There are of course some holes in that last statement. Like you cant physically eat the planet in 30 seconds, or (at least right now) cant change the way you think about cheeze puffs. Doesnt mean that cant change in the future. But at the moment.

The future is scary too. Genetic engeneering, designer babies, and pollution is all on the horizon. The only thing stopping is it ouselves and maybe god.

If you could ask an animal what god it believes in, what would it say? Is such an easy question for theologians to brush aside. (Not that ive asked one) i can just imagine them quickly responding "animals cant think dumbass" or "animals dont have souls" or "animals arent made in the image and likeness of god". Those are nice anwsers and all, but they dont anwser the question. I asked what god does your pet dog believe in, not why doesnt my dog tell be about every time zeus boned some village girl and how that gives them the right to bone me too.

Thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about the human condition, lines, and other weird stuff i have no sources for. I want to mention that most of this stuff is probably fallacies, but this was never meant to be taken seriously or coherent anyways.

[dominickkwad645-blog]

Another variant is situation paintball, where players attempt to recreate historical, or fictional settings; the largest being Oklahoma D-Day's World War II re-enactment. Eliminated players are expected to leave the field of play; eliminations could also earn the opposing group points.

The most basic game rule is that players must attempt to accomplish a goal without being shot and marked with a paintball. Paintball is definitely played with a potentially limitless variety of rules and variations, which are specified prior to the game starts. In indoor fields, where shooting generally happens at extremely close range, hard-shelled armor may also be worn to safeguard the participant from bruising and welts from close-range hits.

In most areas where regulated play is offered, players are required to wear safety masks, use barrel blocking safety equipment, and game tips are strictly enforced. With respect to the variant performed, games can last from secs to hours, or actually days in scenario play. Paintball is normally a game developed in the 1980s where players remove opponents from play by hitting them with dye-filled, breakable, oil and gelatin paintballs, or pellets, usually shot from a skin tightening and or compressed air flow (Nitrogen) driven "paintball marker".

Tips to make your airsoft playing field more difficult and fun. Some players determine to buy top tier metal gearbox AEGs to attain a high degree of performance, while some upgrade their existing metal gearbox AEGs to complement the very best tier guns. A positive attitude will make a person a popular teammate among fellow paintball players.

When everyone follows them, people can concentrate on the fun stuff - playing paintball. A gun that shoots balls at an increased V0 than the areas or tournaments legal limit is named a HOT GUN and the participant are certain to get disqualified. The group will put into 2 teams (depending on the type of game to be played).

The paintball package is ideal for Team Building, Family Day, Corporate War Games, Group Recreation, College student Group Dont worry. This season 3800 players gathered for the scenario with 5000 people on the Skirmish USA premises. Im from ibri..i played paintball within my college life till today.. but im playing in the philippines at this time is AIRSOFT.

Many players also just like the reality that wearing realistic military attire plays a part in the realism of the game. Camouflage clothes/BDUs: Okay, therefore a couple of BDUs is not a necessity in order to play airsoft, but will probably be worth mentioning since most players will be dressed up in camouflage for the overall game. Airsoft is an interesting, adrenaline charged sport that promotes camaraderie and provides players a flavor of combat in a safe environment.

If you value playing airsoft and so are ready to spend money on your own airsoft guns and gear, congratulations! Though all of the protective apparatus mentioned here is not required to play the sport of Airsoft, a protective pair of safety goggles ought to be worn at all times during a skirmish. A pair of impact resistant goggles is the absolute minimum protection that must be worn when playing with Airsoft guns.

A game field is scattered with natural or artificial terrain, which players use for tactical cover. Northeast Ohio, Wadsworth Rittman Region Paintball Players Club, (WRAPP) has woods and speedball field, in addition to the house. This event is being run under UKPSF rules and therefore ALL markers should be in semi-automated or single shot participant found using a ramping mode will become warned, asked to carefully turn the setting off, miss 1 hour of the overall game and their team receives 1000 penalty points.Anyone found with a fully automated marker will be excluded from the game and their group receives 5000 penalty points.

Players will then head to their various bases and the overall game will start in 10.15-10.30 and finish about 15.30-16.00hrs based on the weather and the daylight. ALL players will be given a playing T-t-shirt to identify their team. After finishing the client” games, most players either went to their tents for a chill or sat in the safe area watching videos.

We can split the players into two groupings and request that a dozen players become marshals for two games. No, the primary event can be on the Sunday BUT because of the distance players have to travel it had been decided four years back to make it into a weekend of paintball. All players who have booked into staargate by 1 July will become entered into a draw for a free entry to the Braveheart Scenario game on Sunday 16 July.

All players who've booked into staargate by 1 June will end up being entered into a pull for a free of charge entry to the Saving Ryan's Privates scenario video game about Sunday 25 June. At the start of the day, each player is given a uniquely numbered armband in their teams colour. Leave the game field maintaining your arm raised to point to additional players that you will be out of the game.

Please help us to provide top quality airsoft games by being an honest player. Nothing at all ruins an airsoft game faster than players not really acquiring hits. Stalk the various other group and engage them in a fire-fight, eliminate their key players with a burst of paintballs, then charge forwards and blow the oppositions chopper.

On the edge of Skirmish's 750+ acres, lays a field untouched by the average paintball player. The center flag may be the missile on this field and it plays a role in the Invasion of Normandy along with in several airsoft video games. Of the few games that anyone provides played on this field we have a tendency to find the key being the siege tower which gives you immediate access to the second floor… IF you can battle your way over the bridge.

Its placement in the Skirmish map also implies that it's probably the most played areas in the world. Speak to local paintball or airsoft businesses to observe if they'd supply a present certificate or free circular for the winning players. Apart from working hard to maintain a high fitness level, the only matter that can help overcome these obstacles so that a new player can properly fill up the part of an airsoft sniper is definitely mastering the Fundamentals of Airsoft Marksmanship.

Now this might not seem like such a big issue in a squad-type environment with up close engagements being the norm where simply sending enough shots toward your focus on fast enough may be the major determining element, but this is simply not the case once a player buys an airsoft sniper rifle and begins to take up long-range firing positions. Dutch players visited these counties for the playing experience as the game is definitely banned in Netherlands. Airsoft grenades are used extensively in armed service exercises and games to simulate fight field environments.

This Saturday saw myself perform my first ever game titles of PA in the type of Scavenge Skirmish Survive. Sporting teams, church organizations and entire family members play Paintball. Paintball can be an exciting game played by people from all professions and lifestyles.

Paintball Skirmish is the first company to determine a performing field in Western Australia. Jeffry Evans, owner of Airsoft Guns Co, is here now to assist you understand the sport, and to offer you great insight into the way the equipment functions and the fun of the sport. It's an experience of the majority of the mother or father how have organized Gold Coast Skirmish that point flies when their kid's plays this video games with their friends within their party.

This game include various formats, yet all games keep game score for all tags or last person or team that is still playing. You can learn more about the Airsoft Sniper Rifles and shop related equipment at one of the top air gentle gun merchants in the country where all Our Guns are Tested, Chronographed, Guaranteed! There are numerous of different types of airsoft guns that you have to pick from, but no collection is truly complete without among the airsoft sniper rifles that are available.

Depending on the scenario being played the re-spawn rules may vary, generally we play among the following which should be followed by most players: These tips are to try and ensure everyone has a safe and enjoyable day plus they apply to everyone who plays - by going to Skirmish Airsoft you are agreeing to comply to these rules. Ok people, we've recieved a lot of questions about our airsoft regulations (mainly about people bringing their own guns to the site, and what the suitable FPS is), so here they are!

Medic is a type of airsoft game that provides players who have been hit the chance to get back in to the action after they have already been "healed" by a new player designated as the physician. Since airsoft pellets do not paint the target, players must depend on an honor-based program where the one who is shot will say paintball guns that he / she provides been shot and then move from the battlefield back again to the safe zone.

[thebrushedbalcony]

Sunday Night 8/5

   I suppose I wasn't in the right headspace earlier in the day. I had gone to bed late the night before, I had had one or two small screw-ups that I could write off as not my fault. I had a full 9 hours of sleep before Saturday - and that was after a few short nights. My birthday had been the Thursday before, and I was generally in a good mood during/after. Steven smoked me out at 10, I went to Old Chicago after, and then Tessa and Hoppe came and hung out for just an hour. I suppose at this point, I had been smoking about 6 nights a week for 2 weeks (started right after I lifted my self-imposed ban on not smoking after I closed). 

I guess if im going that far back I might as well take an even broader picture of whats been happening in my life recently. Its been 8 months since I moved out into this house. Eight months since I began easily removing any mental boundaries I had set in stone for myself. Drugs, Sex, language (still gonna hold onto that last one for awhile). Something I haven't nearly done enough soul-searching about is God! I'm worried I have so easily dropped an entire life that had been pointing me towards a life of bible-reading, church-attending, and being the perfect role model. Like Amanda moving in! A year ago I would have been proud to flaunt that I didn't smoke or drink or have even the slightest thought about dirty sex outside of a sanctioned marriage. Now look at me, I'm everything past Ethan liked to believe he was better than everyone else about. I guess thats a long-winded way of saying I'm a big ol' hypocrite! These are the big things I have held onto my whole life - my way of always thinking in the back of my head that I'm "better" than everyone else just a bit. And now its all gone awaaay.

I don't mourn the loss of my "innocence" or whatever tho. These were all my decisions, I thought these all out. Sure half of it was probably my hamster going into overload, but just maybe it wasn't! Some of these christian laws and rules that everyone has to follow don't seem very rooted in solid logic. But wow, maybe thats my hamster again. Spinning in overdrive to make up logical reasons for my stupid decisions. Either way, I've got no regrets! This last night is really pushing that though. Sex was fun, and I'm going to continue to have fun with it during my life. Marijuana is fun! I presume I'll still be getting high for years to come. Maybe. Last night was actual, existential pain like I've never felt before. I was able to fully slide into the victim mentality - first time in my life. But I'll get to that later. I'm not sure who these last two paragraphs are for, but I think that is a pretty good look into my head going into last night. Oh yeah - that’s what the point of all that was! Alright. Back to the story. 

5 grams of weed. That’s how much I helped Josh distill. 30 bucks, if I went to a cheaper dealer. Josh was on TOP of the math, apparently the cup he just poured was one-hundred-freaking-milligrams. Josh and I didn't take that number seriously. Maybe Josh did more, in the back of his mind, but we both knew steven took like, 80mg of the stuff and didn't feel anything! And the "30mg" cookie I took a week or two ago wasn't really that bad anyway. No way this is 100mg. "These edibles ain't shit!" as I drank actually 100mg and sealed my incredibly unforunate fate. Drank it at 8:30, and I could actually feel it really fast. Like within minutes, just a small sense that something was off. In a good way of course, like cool! Getting high already.

First hour was fun. I was already kinda in a daze, having only got 6 hours of sleep the night before. Having fun, music was great and I even pulled out my phone and recorded whatever strange conversation we were having at the time. The other three were pretty hyped about a firepit, I still think its very funny Josh had lived there so many years and had no idea if there was one around still. I was inside, stuck to a chair when I recorded a bit of what was going on in my head. This must have been about 10:15:

"the house is all screwey. Its like every thing I see is instantly as distant as a sharp memory, srrange focal points and strangw perspectives. Im dreaming? Weird nostslgia molding together, in a not normal way. like an old distant life. im lazq ‰) %/"#÷ame. wow, hah This is lucid, but stuck. Its self aware lucid and is all."

It had been a bit over an hour and a half and I was practically in a dream state. Whats strange is all my other experiences with edibles is I don't notice myself getting much higher after 1.5/2 hours. I guess there was just so much weed it kept on being absorbed. Anyway, Amanda came and grabbed me as Josh and Drew were trying to get the fire started. I was having a grand old time, stumbling around and in complete awe as to how I couldn't file anything I was seeing into a clear and defined memory. It still plays out like an extremely vivid dream in my head. None of the wacky dream stuff was happening, like people I didn't know or new settings, but everything had that strange sheen and warped perspective of not really being there. 

I believe it was 10:30/45 when I had to stumble away from the campfire because I had a sudden and very specific feeling that I was going to throw up. I got to my car and realized there was actually a whole lot that was going wrong. I held onto the driver's side of my car for dear life as my reality slowly splintered into anguish. I would have said pain right there, but that wouldn't be right. It wasn't really a sharp bad physical pain, I get a nice dose of that whenever a migraine hits. No this was like, being unplugged from the matrix but the only other option was death. To continue the analogy, I would try and plug myself back in but realized in horror the only thing that defined my existence was a few vague memories from my past when nothing really special happened. That’s all I was, a big ol poser in life with only a false personality given to me by my parents and my church with a few unrelated memories that I pretended tied it all together. It was like my personality and my own being was being broken down to it's pure biology - the entire person I had spent my whole life building up just being ripped away. The worst part is I was locked out of anything that had happened in my brain for the past 10 years. All the dreary foggy terrible memories were from random times when I was growing up, and none of them even had bad emotions attached to them! The horror was them being displayed to me as the only thing that made me a person. It was lifeless, cruel, something was telling me that I've never had any real life, and it was going to rip away every single lie I have told myself since I was born. And all that would be left is a broken and defeated nothing of a living being.

Now, I don't presume to get all spiritual here. That "something" was me, I mean right? I took too much drug, and it went to TOWN and the only thing they had to work with was this brain up here. I'm.... not sure where it came up with all that though. A current working thesis is that... it uncovered something? If marijuana truly only had my brain to work with, it pulled that ugly monster out of SOME deep dark corner. Now I'm sure it completely amplified and morphed this small insecurity into the terrible monster that it became, but nevertheless it was a monster of my own creation. And thats what makes it so terrifying, I was in agony and defeated by MYSELF. Well, plus a buttload of drugs. Hmm, maybe that was it. But Josh and Drew had the same amount! It could be explained away by different tolerances or different mental makeup. Either way, I crossed my boundaries like, WAY far.

Maybe I am overthinking this. I have slowly learned to deal with migraines for the past 10 years - and thats been a huge struggle to fight my body with my mind! Once it hits I can't do anything to stop it. But I've learned to accept it, I ride it out and deal with it - acknowledge that it'll get better eventually. I suppose that is the line of thinking from last night that kept me sane. I knew weed couldn't kill or maim you. You better believe I held onto that thought - that idea like it was my lifeline. 

Anyway I told Amanda where the spare was, I got in my car and laid down eventually. I was glad Josh was there in the car with me for some of the time, as I mentioned earlier I knew I had no qualms putting myself in the "very bad victim" category. Normally I would feel bad Josh had to sit in the car with me for 30+ minutes, but I didn't! I was in so much bad having his slight uncomfort was almost expected. That sounds super selfish and I'm very grateful but thats how it was hah. He grabs me some water, dips inside towards the end so he didn't have to stay out there forever. Eventually I get inside, and onto the couch (around 12:10) and I somehow zoned out until 3. I remember some small conversation, someone passed me some sherbert and I think Amanda made pizza later. I knew I didn't want to sleep on the couch so I went downstairs and stole the bed in the middle of the room. Got about 6 hours, and still felt high when I woke up. And theeen I lazed around all day, took a nap and left and came here at 8. 

So in conclusion. I think I might have got a bit too fanatic about the whole "hidden mental closet" thing, but maybe not. I definitely had a LOT of weed, and it definitly hit me wrong. The next few days will tell if there is anything different in how I...live? mentally? I think even now 48 hours the shock is wearing off. Even typing this it seems like a really vivid dream. I might not have even typed this if Josh hadn't mentioned that I maybe should, that these experiences can fade away. I guess i'm not surprised, my sober mind is probably busy chucking that memory into a trash bag and dragging it down to the landfill!

I guess, with my first few paragraphs being hindsight, I do have a lot of scary thoughts that I don't think about. Who am I really, what are my real boundaries, if I can throw out these big boundaries so easily, who's to say I chuck the baby out with the bathwater and give up on my personality as I've started with! Haha naa, I like what I am. There I said it, I am haappy with who I am. Maybe a bit more sex would help with the self esteem, and a bit more money would be quite welcome as well - but I'm doing alright. I've got my own house, a freaking perfect mini-studio in here, a tired but nice job, and a really awesome friend in Josh. In his parent's freaking fairy-tale house. 2/10 would bad trip again fo sho