#at this point i refuse to read anything else this woman writes because wtf

[artfulzee]

I'm sorry what tf happened in SF, like, why is suddenly everyone okay with

locking a woman up against her will

invalidating her feelings

threatening her life for """misbehaving"""

pretty much just using her for sex

slut shamming

like... is it only bad when tamlin does it?? i don't understand how anyone can read this book and think that nesta apologizing to the inner circle by the end of it is a good thing????? the fuck

I've seen so many people defending the inner circle like "oh but she was spending their money" like, ok, then the next logical step is cutting her off from the money and not, i don't know LOCKING HER UP?????????

or when people say that they "did it for her own good" cause she was a danger to herself as if tamlin didn't try to lock feyre up using that same reasoning

the cherry picking is INSANE, those things are only considered unforgivable when it's someone other than the inner circle doing them and it's so tiring

[dross-the-fish]

what do you think of the 1994 Frankenstein movie?

I'll be honest, I hate on that one more for its wasted potential than anything else. I feel like it tried to adapt the book but then it kept adding stupid shit and missing the mark.

Let's start with it's biggest crime. Kenneth Branagh, our director.

Oh Kenny Branagh my beloathed. We meet again. I've had it out for you ever since I had to stomach your ridiculous Shakespeare movies in high school drama class. I've watched as you brought your overwrought hammy sensibilities to Agatha Christie's Poirot and now here you are, injecting all of your overblown histrionics into Frankenstein.

I didn't think it was possible to be too dramatic for Frankenstein. But by god you've done it. There is so much scenery chewing, screeching, writhing and sweating in this that I actually started to feel fatigued and clocked out mentally about half way through the film.

Kenneth cast himself as the lead and I hate this version of Victor so much.

Wtf is this? Why does he have abs? Why is he in his mid 30's? Where is my sickly waif who gets feverish at the drop of a hat? Why have you done this?

Also I know they're canonically engaged but I really dislike for Victor and Elizabeth to be horny for each other especially in this movie because they keep bringing up their relationship as siblings and it's just eugh, please don't talk about her like that and then remind us that she's your sister you fucking weirdo. Their relationship in the book comes off as super uncomfortable to me and I swear Victor is way more into Robert and Henry than he is Elizabeth. Naturally this movie decided it should have next to no homoeroticism.

"How do brothers and sisters say good bye?" - start aggressively making out. No I'm not joking this movie goes out of its way to remind you that they are siblings.

.... And then it goes there with it.

Victor actually proposes to her and then asks her to come to Ingolstadt with him or offers to stay in Geneva with her and it's at that point where I'm like: did you read this book? Victor dodged their semi-arranged engagement like the woman had cooties and didn't write to her for two years because he's an obsessive, neurotic wreck.

Oh yeah and Henry Clerval is in it.

Oh were you hoping for more of him? That's a shame because so was I.

I've mentioned that this movie is over dramatic. But that really can't be understated. It's like a mac truck crashing through an English garden. No subtlety at all. If a character has to feel something they're usually screaming at the top of their lungs. Victor screaming at the creature to live, the creature literally ripping Elizabeth's still beating heart from her chest and showing it to Victor. They decided the bride should be Elizabeth and that there should be weird tension between her and the creature. Then after she's brought back to life she sets herself on fire and starts running down the halls of the manor.

I should probably have found that more tragic than I did but I just found the whole thing silly.

Justine's death in particular should have been more heavy and somber. She gets dragged off by a mob and hung. The scene is violent and cruel but it lacks the tragedy of the book. We have none of Justine quietly giving up and Elizabeth vehemently refusing to believe she's guilty. It's one of the few character building moments Elizabeth gets and this movie takes what should be a touching, somber and heartbreaking scene and turns it into a spectacle.

Everyone's reaction to everything is to do the most extreme thing possible but they never actually earn it because moments were the film SHOULD have emotional weight are kind of glanced over. The book has a lot of themes of grief and isolation but the film doesn't really explore those aspects effectively. It never stops to have a quiet or thoughtful moment. Almost like it's afraid the audience will get bored if someone isn't shrieking at the top of their lungs and some action heavy drama is going down.

The pacing in this film is jarring. Kenneth Branagh has a love for lavish sets, beautiful scenery and his films, if nothing else, are opulent spectacles, there are moments in this film where the cinematography is actually quite beautiful but I always feel that it's wasted by clumsy execution.

There are also scenes that come so painfully close to working, like early on in the movie Elizabeth and Justine drag Victor away from his work to go on a picnic and he only goes because he's hoping for a storm. He puts down a lightning rod and has everyone get down so they can observe the strike. I thought that could have been really neat and a good way to set up Victor's obsession but the execution was so clunky and the moment the lightning strikes and the four of them feel the static isn't allowed to sit and breathe. It jolts to the very next scene with no transition.

There are things I like about Robert De Nero's creature.

I like his design, even if it's not book accurate. I don't inherently like the idea of him being a resurrected cadaver of a specific criminal but I do, at times, almost like what they do with it, like having him wonder who all of his various parts came from. De Niro is a strong actor and I feel like there were the makings of a good performance here and it was stifled under bad writing and directing. I actually like most of the scenes where the creature speaks to Victor and the line "What of my soul? Do I have one? Or was that a part you left out? Who were these people of which I am comprised? Good people? Bad people?" is spoken with such poignant suffering that you really see how lost the creature is and it drives home the tragedy of the creature's condition. The creature is begging Victor to see him as human and Victor cannot or will not.

But these rare moments of something good peeking out are few and far between and the movie devolves again into it's predilection for overblown bombast. Even the final scene where the creature finds Victor dead on Robert Walton's ship isn't allowed to have the gravitas it deserves because Victor's funeral ends with the ice breaking in yet another tedious action sequence and the creature floats out to sea on a chunk of the broken ice setting himself and Victor's corpse on fire.

This was a moment in the movie that should have been handled with dignity and regret and I got this:

There's really not much else to say about this film. I went into it hoping for a good Frankenstein adaptation and I tried to find salvageable scraps but there just wasn't enough good to make the movie worthwhile for me.

Anyway, sorry this turned into a whole review but I was bitterly disappointed in this film and ended up having a lot to say.

[loveisalwaystheanswer]

I always have mixed feelings about Lizzie in S3 to S6. Imagine to live in the house of your husband who still would not remove the pictures of Grace in the house. On one hand, I do feel it is cruel for Tommy to do to Lizzie but on the other hand, why should he remove the pictures when he makes it clear that he did not love her?

Oh man, it will be hard to separate the plot from my opinion about SK's writing. In s3 he had tied every character of the story and the plot itself to the rails. And after that moment everything went down. But we aren't here to talk about SK's ability to write. Let's go back to the main track.

I absolutely agree with you, anon. It must be very creepy for Lizzie to walk past the portrait of Grace every night and let's keep in mind that she's depicted as a haughty ex-wife with accusing eyes rather than a kind woman. Brrr! This gives me the vibes of Rebecca (2020) movie. Pretty scary.

Tommy is an asshole very selfish and emotionally disabled person who doesn't think about people's feelings. He doesn't even think about his own feelings, so why would he care about someone else's? Yes, he doesn't owe Lizzie anything and never hid the truth from her, and he didn't bother himself to put that portrait away but it would be the least he could do to make Grace's presence in the house less palpable (re-read it and realised why he hadn't removed it 😅). And it would be a compromise because he has the photographs of Grace. But they're living lived in a mausoleum. It's soooo far from being normal but Tommy isn't 'normal', yeah?

What about Lizzie... Talking about her in times like these is like walking a tightrope but I will try. And before I start we need to clear some things out:

I do like Lizzie. I don't like her WITH Tommy and I don't approve some of her actions.

I like she's not saint therefore she's not one-dimensional and she's an interesting character.

I DO NOT justify Tommy who's cheating on her. It's not her fault and she's not responsible for this shit.

But she's responsible for sleeping with him, marrying him, staying with him and letting herself being treated like that.

I was enjoying to see how she was trying to get out of her past lifestyle, doing a correspondence course, working hard to make her way in life because she knew she's on her own and no one will save her. She was INDEPENDENT (as far as it was possible in those days).

My feelings about Lizzie has been shuffling since s3. I liked her completely before it and this season became a turning point in my opinion about her. 'Actually I'm sleeping with Tommy, now and then. Because he wants to [...] Except we don't sleep. It's hard to sleep bent over a desk. Isn't it?' I mean, wtf was that? She has a good job now. WHY does she need to agree to sleep with him again? Not to mention her lover died because of the Shelbys. She is too loyal sometimes. We didn't see her being sad about his death. Whether she didn't love that Angel and was only boasting of her love or she simply couldn't say 'no' to Tommy, like... ever. Both options aren't good. And she kept doing the same thing in s4. And she agreed to marry Tommy being fully aware of his inability to love her the way she wants him to. Is this fair to her? No. I do feel sorry for Lizzie, a little. Because like she said 'I chose this life, it didn't choose me.' People keep saying that she's the one who really knew him. She chose to marry Tommy, so she knew what to expect, didn't she? Also, she was the one who tried to change him, she wanted to see him being in love with her for so many years. Completely refusing to believe that he doesn't care about her and he isn't happy to know about the baby. Lizzie didn't leave him, she tolerated all his affairs with another women, she hoped for a better life, she lived in delusion. In my personal opinion Lizzie married Tommy not only because of her feelings for him but also because of the benefits it could bring. She was enjoying being at the top, walking in expensive dresses and attending the parties, she loves diamonds as well. I mean, who wouldn't? She's a very pragmatic woman but the sentiments had gotten the better of her and in the end it made her suffer. The marriage became her golden cage. I'd risk to say I always thought she had a very tough childhood so that her co-dependent behavior is rooted in her past. It would explain a lot. I deeply sympathize with her loss of Ruby ("No parent should have to bury their child"). And it's so sad that Lizzie needed such a horrible situation to realize how lonely and unhappy she is in this marriage and the whole relationship with Tommy is a lost cause. She, seeking solace in the company of horses and not her husband, it's a heart-wrenching moment. It'd be interesting to notice that she's never Tommy's first choice but she accepts it.

Btw, since you're asking me about Liz I want to take this opportunity to say out loud how MAD I was at her in 6.01 episode! Mocking a person who just had a failed suicide attempt?? Leaving him alone? Humiliating him? Blaming him? Glorifying your domination? At this moment? Really? It was sooooo low! Actually, I even googled how to treat someone who tried to commit a suicide. And what Lizzie did is the opposite of what you really should be doing when you face a situation like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from being the first in a long queue of people who want to defend Thomas Shelby but even I think that this move was awful. And it wasn't discussed in the show. Also, she told Charlie about why she's leaving his father. It was not right too. Children should be out of any conflict between parents. And I hope she will be THE parent to Charlie and won't project her feelings for Ruby onto him. It's a side note, but my heart hurts for little Charlie, because he cannot hold on to any of his parents.

To sum it all up, I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally decided to leave Tommy. It was the only right thing to do. I said it before, I can't watch interactions between married Tommy and Lizzie (due to my personal reasons) without feeling myself very uncomfortable. You know, we really accept the love we think we deserve, and it hurt me to see Lizzie being so spineless every time it came to Tommy. I have seen all these kind of situations happening in real life with people I care about. My heart ached with pity for all of them. But at the same time I was angry at them for being so pathetic and weak. As a feminist I hate SK for doing this to Liz, from an independent woman to Tommy's doormat. But I must admit this whole Lizzie-situation is very realistic and that's why so many women feel themselves related to her more than to any other female character in the show. I understand why women defend Lizzie so hard. That's why I wrote this. So many women in general silently accept any kind of abuse, romanticized it, hope that one day their partner will change. They're begging for love, they take the blame, play a supporting role in their own story, close their eyes to any disrespectful shitty behavior towards them. Well, maybe I'm melodramatic and take it so much to heart, then I'm glad if I'm mistaken about this matter. I stand up for women, fictional or not, I condemn misogyny and I deeply believe that we should apply the same standards of behavior to everyone, regardless of gender. In conclusion I really want someone to tell Steven Knight that men can have business with women without sleeping with them. Surprise!

Did it bring more clarity to how I feel about Lizzie? Nope. I got even more confused myself.

My dearest anon, I apologize for my long (that's one of the reasons why I don't get a lot of questions lmao) answer with feminism filling. I hope you got what you want or at least it was interesting to read.

And if it hurt somebody's feelings I'm very sorry for that and mentally I'm sending you my homemade muffin with any flavor you like. Boys of my acquaintance think I make the best muffins in the world and boys never lie about such things 🤗🤍

thank you

xx

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

[asterekmess]

S3A - E4

Alrighty, here we go. Maybe I’ll get a little less fired up this time.

Be Kind, Read More’s (I’m bad at puns or jokes.)

Thoughts:

So, I get that they’re trying to amp up Scott becoming an Alpha or whatever, but I just really hate the concept of dogs needing to know “who the alpha is.” It’s a really harmful myth that leads to a lot of frustration for owners and a lot of fear for their dogs. I actually recommend anyone with a dog, or thinking of getting a dog to look at this video to understand how huge a myth that whole Dominance thing is. He explains it better than I ever could. That also doesn’t work in the show, since we know that all werewolves have sway over dogs. Derek does it like a fucking pro in S1 (Yeah, he scares the dogs, but it’s entirely controlled. The dog didn’t freak until he wanted it to.)

Woooow, Scott actually working at his job? That’s new!

Deaton, mistletoe is poisonous to anyone. Wtf are you on about “to the dog, and you too.” literally everyone is poisoned by mistletoe.

Is this a reference to a movie or something? IT’s so fucking creepy and gross, him sticking his hand under the dumpster and getting bit. And what’s with the whispering??? JENNIFER did you bite someone? WTF? Also, he literally can’t get any closer, dumbass. He’s on his knees right up against the dumpster.

I hate this woman. This show I think has a lot of issues with actual foreshadowing and making villains appear earlier in the show. Like, they knew Jennifer was going to be the villain. So what was all this extra shit? All the random clips of her grading papers and getting spooked walking down the halls of the school. She’s literally committing murder every single night and is far scarier than even werewolves, even without the extra powers. Showing us this stuff directly contradicts her being the villain. I can’t tell if they thought we as an audience were too smart and we’d figure out she was the villain, so they had to cover their tracks extra hard bc we all know that plot twists should only ever happen when it makes no sense, or if they thought we were too dumb to notice that they didn’t put any effort into her character until she starts being actively creepy.

I hate this. I hate all of it. I’m disgusted and nauseous just fucking watching this, knowing that Derek isn’t fucking choosing to do any of this. He’s literally under a spell that’s making him worry about her, because she wants an Alpha guard dog.

I’m also gonna point out that since the show hadn’t told us that Derek was being controlled yet, they were trying to show Derek being interested in Jennifer and trying to make Jennifer someone Derek would be interested in. In order to do that, they made her jumpy, suspicious, anxious, and over-talkative. And crazy smart. With brown hair. Just saying.

The Crucible? Dude, you started the class on The Heart of Darkness literally last Wednesday. Chapters 1-3 weren’t due till last Friday. Why can’t this show fucking make up its mind?

Aannnnd here we go. Love watching Scott laugh about something that he knows Stiles is absolutely terrified by, seeing as Heather DIED. God, if you want Scott to look funny, can you not make him make jokes about something that’s getting people killed and traumatizing his best friend? Jesus.

I...I feel the need to point out that Stiles jumped exactly the same way Jennifer did like two seconds ago....just saying.

Honestly, I like that this Danny did this, not just to fuck with Stiles (in a non-sexy way) but also to try and subtly point out that he can hear them talking about virgin sacrifices. Maybe keep it down boys?

As much as I hate this shaky camera, slow-mo to fast-mo stuff, it’s still so much better than the CGI/Green Screen. Just, so much.

Boys, stop sticking your tongues out while running, you’re gonna bite them off and that shit doesn’t grow back. Also, I wanna give Isaac props here for managing to keep up with Alphas. Speedy Boi. AND, did you notice the look on his face before he ran after them? TOTALLY different from the look on his face before he attacked Cora in the woods. Not play time, kill time.

Those are...those are also not wolf sounds. At least I know Cora wasn’t a sexist thing? Seriously, wolves sound terrifying enough on their own, no need to add in the lion--wait didn’t I read that they don’t use lions roars most of the time, they use tigers instead? Whatever. NO need for the cat noises. I get it for the actual roaring stuff, but the snarls can be wolfy, can’t they?

How long did they have to stand there waiting for the cops to arrive? THe whole class is just standing around in a crowd? You know, I’d believe it, honestly I don’t think Finstock would think to make them go back to the school. He’s not great at the adulting thing.

How--How did Kyle’s girlfriend know? She’s not on the track team, is she?

I hate this whole “He’s got a point” thing. Stiles admitted that he agreed the Alphas were connected somehow but his reasoning is perfectly sound. Are you seriously telling me that Scott didn’t talk to Deaton about this? We can assume he did, because it’s Scott and he tells Deaton Everything. But that means Deaton DIDN’T tell him what he knew, openly lying to him. And none of that should matter anyway, because Stiles is Scott’s best friend. It is not too much to ask for him to just believe Stiles. In fact, it’s pretty fucking basic friendship stuff.

ALSO I hate that Isaac appears to give zero fucks about Erica. “They killed that kid, they killed the girl that saved me” But no mention of Erica? Or of how they imprisoned erica and boyd for four months? No mention of his own pack members? Seriously?

Hi cora. Hi derek. I really really wish you were going to be a reprieve from the bullshit of the rest of the episode so far, but instead you’re going to break my heart by refusing to give me even the slightest hint at Derek and Cora giving any kind of fucks about each other and finding out that the sibling they thought was dead is not dead. Nothing. We get absolutely Nothing. I don’t even get to see where the FUCK Cora got the exercise clothes from? Did they go shopping? did they go find her bag of clothes that got left in a building somewhere when she was taken? Huh? SOMETHING?

I’m just so...disappointed, and it’s definitely not directed at Derek.

Also, Derek, your alarm sucks ass if it only tells you that someone’s at your place once they’re outside the door.

I’m gonna be honest, Derek does need to work on his ranged combat. He’s all about the up close and personal, our boy needs a quarterstaff or something. Maybe a bat?

Sup duke? I hate your guts.

Sup Harris? I hate your guts too.

I don’t--I don’t even wanna talk about this scene with the twins. I just...what the absolute fuck? Those kids need so much therapy. I just feel ill. Also stop with the making werewolves masochists for some reason! Stop it! It’s boring and dumb!

I literally refuse to believe any of that had plot relevance. I think the twins are just being assholes for the fun of it. That is so convoluted in so many ways.

Other than the really really overdone British villain trope thing, I literally have nothing to say about this scene. Other than, you know, the part where Derek outright refuses to kill his pack even with a fucking PIPE through his CHEST, yet somehow we’re meant to believe that he wanted to kill them on the full moon even when he had no proof that they’d hurt anyone? Love that logic. Yah. Uh huh. Side note: why do I even like this show? Side Side note: It’s cus’ Derek and Stiles and Cora and Isaac and Boyd and Erica and Lydia are all fucking awesome. Honestly, Allison too. And Danny. And Jackson. And Kira when she comes in. Even Malia has potential

Isaac, honey, you have claustrophobia and that’s a legitimate medical concern that Harris would need to make adjustments for.

HI BOYD. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD. Thanks for stabbing me in the heart with that friend comment. My everything hurts now. I love you. Also, bye, cus’ you don’t come back for the entire rest of the episode. awesome.

Is it even remotely okay for the school to make students handle chemicals and fuck with the janitor’s stuff/do custodial work? Like, detention is detention and the school/Harris has no business using the students for free labor.

Fucking pathetic. I hate this stupid Alpha command thing. I hate this whole plotline and no I’m NOT going to stop complaining about it any time soon. It’s stupid as fuck.

Stiles how do you expect Lydia to know about this shit when no one fucking talks to her except you??? SEE? YOU SEE? THAT is how you use humor in a tense situation!

Lydia, Stiles is human.

Please stop with the sexual tension, it’s pissing me off. Allison fired over a dozen arrows into Erica and Boyd, then help her grandfather kidnap and torture them and sliced Isaac to ribbons. I’m not done being mad at her, and Isaac Damn Well shouldn’t be either.

Okay WHAT? Since when is English the last class of the day? It was their first class an episode ago! What the fuck are you talking about? and WHY are you writing “Great Expectations” on the board!!???? Even if The Crucible was for a different class you’re STILL ON HEART OF DARKNESS.

I just-I get that they’re teenagers, but that’s seriously the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen and even though Allison’s still pretty high on my shit list at the mo, she’s way too smart not to know that this is stupid as fuck. Just because the Alphas are being stupid doesn’t mean you PISS THEM OFF. Nothing you just did HELPED at ALL. You didn’t Hinder them or Weaken them or ANYTHING. You just played a stupid ass prank???

So...Stiles has a free period in the last period of the day? When no one else does? Yet somehow he’s in all their classes AND we SAW him AND LYDIA in Scott and Allison’s English class? ALSO the twins are Miraculously now in the English class as well, even though they weren’t there on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL??? WHat the FUCK This is a show about HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS and you can’t be fucked to actually get their stupid fucking Schedule right? The same with the full moon. The two things that should always be consistent are the FULL MOONS for the WEREWOLVES and the SCHOOL SCHEDULE for the STUDENTS. You spend hours of episode planning time on making outfits and references to horror movies, but you can’t get A SIMPLE FUCKING TIMELINE right?

I know Stiles hasn’t talked to Deaton all that much so far in the show, but this is a really weirdly long introduction to him asking Deaton for info, when I honestly expected him to just push in and say, “HEY, so how about those human sacrifices, huh? You keeping something from us again?”

I hate them cutting up these scenes so much. Derek’s effectively been pinned to the ground for an entire school day at this point.

Actually, this little speech of Duke’s is where I got a huge headcanon for the show about how truly monstrous Duke and the rest of the Alphas are. He says he didn’t know that killing your own Beta adds their power to yours. But, shouldn’t that be like a really well known thing in this werewolf world of horrific murders and “Rite of passage, into his pack” mentality that the show seems insistent on showing us? Instead, I think that Duke is actually like he says he is. The Demon Wolf. He’s a fucking demon and all werewolves know it, because he and his pack are disgusting and twisted enough to kill their own pack. I firmly believe, beyond all reason because fuck this show, that Alphas have a biological imperative to protect their pack, to keep them safe and happy and provide for them. That the reason no Alphas really knew about what happens when you kill your own Beta is because no one ever would. It’s the most taboo, horrific thing a werewolf can do, harming their own pack. Their own family.

STOP TOUCHING PEOPLE’s FACES. ESPECIALLY DEREK’S.

I love Derek’s line so much. “You’re a fanatic.” Like. Yes. Completely shutting him down. That was so good.

Also, Duke. you literally just said “You’ll get to know me.” and now you’re mad because “Know me? You’ve never seen anything like me.” I wish someone would just pick him up by the scruff and toss him out a window.

What’s with the sudden lightning? and why is the thunder happening at the same time?

I have literally had the fifteen minute rule held over my head so many times. We once got locked outside our orchestra room for fifteen-minutes and one of the secretaries from the front office had to let us in, and then they had to send us a sub teacher because ours was sick but even though she called in, they’d hadn’t bothered to call the sub yet. the fifteen minute rule doesn’t exist, and I wish so fucking badly that it did. PLUS. I thought School was OVER????

Stiles, you should know better. The Celts were accused of human sacrifice by the Romans, who were trying to demonize them and take over their land. (which is pointless, since the Romans participated in tons of human sacrifice, even if they didn’t explicitly call it that. Anybody heard of the fucking Colosseum?) Plus, there isn’t any actual evidence that isn’t from extremely biased Latin texts that indicates the Celts performing human sacrifices as religious rites. You’re right though, cus’ the show does pull a lot from the concept of Celtic Druids. It just does it horrifically badly and completely misconstrues them by using the modern myth of the druids rather than the historical reality of them. I was a classics major, with an obsession on Druidic practices. Fight me about it.

Thank you Stiles, for calling Deaton out. Also, what does Deaton mean ten years? He was the Hale emissary six years ago. Jesus christ, this isn’t hard.

I hate to say it, but that is correct, Deaton. Druids were philosphers and scholars. That’s because Druid was a SOCIAL CLASS not a JOB. They didn’t believe they were “keeping the world in balance’ but they believed the world was MADE UP of balances. The Celts didn’t believe in letting people die for the sake of “maintaining the balance.” Their social structure was based on equality between the sexes and community ownership (a bit like socialism, it’s actually why the Romans hated them so much, they represented the exact opposite of Roman Ideals of hierarchy and private ownership with the male head of family in charge) But I digress. My bad.

Cue the dropbox ad

So what’s with the chanting? There wasn’t chanting when Heather was taken? Or Emily? Is the method of abduction supposed to be different for every group?

Ooooh, Dell school computers. Did they lose their Mac contract?

Oh Look! It’s the consequences of your actions!

They have so much time to react and do something to keep the boys from merging while they’re busy taking their dumb shirts off.

For the record, Druid is not the gaelic word for “wise oak”. It’s generally accepted to mean “oaken knowledge” or, less literally, “the one whose knowledge is great” (since oak was considered to signify greatness). But those are just semantics and I’m not as bothered by it. I’m MORE bothered by the use of the word “Darach” which does NOT mean Dark oak. “ach” is an Irish suffix meaning “Belonging to” and Darach is an NAME, as in like Emily or Janice, it’s a Name not a title. One that means “belonging to the oak” (actually, it’s masculine, so it would mean “Son of oak”). Scottish Gaelic and Irish are still real languages and you mistranslating things and taking words from their already incredibly oppressed and abused culture is really fucking annoying. So, uh. yeah. Listen, this is one of my few areas where I know anything so I had to complain about it. I get that it’s just a show. I really do. But it’s my post, so meh. Also, you bet your ass I have opinions on the concept of a Nemeton as well. But that’s not for now.

I find it kinda hilarious that none of the names on those papers had last names. Tom. Terry. Tim P. almost has a last name.

and now we break my fucking heart. Actually, first I wanna give this show some props for once. The music they use for this season is very drum based, very repetitive, and it really helps with the ritualistic vibe they seem to be going for. The chanting, etc. I worry about what they pulled that stuff from, cus’ if it’s from actual religions that’s fucking dicey, but the atmosphere is good.

NOW we break my fucking heart. Fucking fuck. It hurts, especially knowing that Isaac already had one flashback today. And then they have to go and add anger to my turmoil by having him go to SCOTT. Fuck scott. I fucking hate this.

Bye Harris. No, wait, I have questions. So Harris helped Jennifer somehow. By...what, helping her fake her identity? Was he her reference for getting the job at the school? Or did he help her with the killings, by finding her students/teachers who fit the bill? When he says “They’ll figure you out” is he talking about the cops or the wolves? Does he know about the supernatural? If he does, does that mean that he knew who Kate was when she found him in that bar? Bye Harris.

Last Thoughts: I’ll give this episode props. It had sunlight in it. Uh...I honestly can’t think of anything else I enjoyed. This shit, this shit is why people write fanfiction. These mistakes with the timeline and the schedule and the character’s whose personalities flip back and forth at random? The refusal to acknowledge trauma and deal with it appropriately? I honestly don’t even know how to feel about the show selling this Derek/Jennifer romance to us and then revealing at the end that he was under a literal spell the whole time. That he had sex with her while under the influence of her magic. That these oh so brief moments where we actually get to see Derek smiling and joking and see a hint at his personality and his intelligence and maybe even his past, they’re all forced on him. It’s all a trick. He has sex with her while he’s incapable of giving consent. It’s fucking rape, shown on-screen. And the show portrayed this as romantic, for the sake of their stupid fucking plot twist. We were encouraged to like this relationship because we didn’t know he was being Controlled. Ugh. Bleh. Plus there’s the whole thing where once again Stiles is being ignored and Lydia has no clue what’s going on, and Deaton is hiding things from everyone and Boyd is barely a character. And Allison’s behavior is never dealt with, and Scott is just...Scott. This is why I make changes.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x17 Chapter Thirty-Nine

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Honestly, I’d like to see more of this Jane…

2) I truly hope NOTHING goes as Jane wants it to go…

3) Okay, it’s definitely going to be a disaster. Lina and Xiomara are planning a real bachelorette party.

4) I really don’t get why Rogelio’s former step-daughters are a thing in this show? Other than the show trying to use these girls’ popularity as Youtubers? I don’t see the point in them showing up with their own “storylines” and I hope they stop showing up soon.

5) Rogelio is throwing Michael’s bachelor party and I��m here for it.

6) So… Jane, self-proclaimed writer, can’t write her own wedding vows? That doesn’t bode well, I think.

7) This is not how I remember Don Quixote…

All jokes aside, you must be a moron to send a stripper to a person’s workplace? How didn’t they think they would get Jane in trouble or potentially fired?

8) So… Petra is taking medication for post-partum depression but she also seems to be considering skedaddling…

9) Who TF are all these people?

10) I feel Rogelio would’ve thrown Jane the party she wanted…

11) To be honest, I like Drunk!Jane 1000% better, so she probably should be drunk all the time? Of course, getting absolutely wasted when you’re about to get fired might not be the best idea.

12) Okay, Petra is going dark…

Will this be a metaphor or is she literally going to leave her kids and start a whole new life under a new identity AGAIN?

13) And Xiomara just left a nasty voicemail on Jane’s professor’s phone. And now they’re a bunch of drunks trying to come up with a plan to fix the situation. So far, the ideas have been stellar: 1) ask Siri, 2) think really hard and delete it with their minds, 3) show up drunk to the party, steal the phone and erase the message.

14) Alright, I guess we’re involving the boring twins again.

15) Rafael’s brother wants to ask him for money for an investment and it all sounds a bit suspish…

16) Why, Rogelio? SERIOUSLY. WHY.

17) Aw, poor Rogelio…

18) So, Rogelio finally agreed to let Michael do the typical bar night he wanted to do with his friends and now his friends are vibing the whole spa thing?

19) She can’t be abandoning her children, I refuse to believe that…

20) Honestly, I really love the relationship between Rogelio and Michael…

21) Surprisingly, Jane did manage to steal the professor’s phone and delete the message. That almost never happens in movies and TV shows.

22) And Michael and Jane end up having their parties together. At the Marbella. They could’ve chosen another location, though. No need to rub it in Rafael’s nose, right?

23) Wha…?

Oh, okay, it was a fantasy. A weird one.

24) Xiomara…

WTF! She was making out with Lina’s guy!

25) Oof, and Jane laid out on her…

XIOMARA: Jane, I'm sorry. JANE: This is why I didn't want you at my bachelorette party. Because I knew this would happen. I knew you would act like a drunk sorority girl. XIOMARA: Wait. That's not fair. JANE: You're right. It's not fair! You know why I'm such a control freak, Mom? Because I grew up with you, and you are so out of control!

I usually tend to side with Xiomara because I feel she actually did a good job as a mom, in spite of being a train wreck in her personal life. But… lady, come on, making out with your daughter’s best friend’s guy at your daughter’s bachelorette party? There’s no excuse for that.

26) I really liked Lina and Jane’s conversation and how Jane understood Lina’s feelings and insecurities and came up with a plan to help her out.

27) It’s very sweet that Xiomara, a grown-ass woman, got into bed with her mom after a rough night… but also, yeah… you really messed up.

28) Damn, this was also a great scene…

JANE: And I'm not just gushing because I'm drunk, I'm gushing because... I've been having trouble with my vows. Distilling what to say. And tonight I realized it's simple. With you... You make me feel safe, in the best way. And my mom kept telling me to lose control, but I couldn't until you got here. Because I know you're watching over me. Instead of me always having to watch over everyone else. So tonight is not my last night of freedom, it's my first night of freedom.

It's a nice example of what a healthy, adult relationship should feel like.

29) And Michael reading his vows privately because he doesn’t want to share his feeling for her with anyone else but her? Also super sweet.

30) I still don’t trust Rafael’s brother…

31) So, Rafael is in some kind of legal trouble because he invested in his brother’s friend’s thing and he made 5 million overnight and I don’t understand anything nor do I care, tbh.

32) Damn!

We've been having the same conversation for years. At this point, I should remind you that Jane didn't lose control very often. And I've had it. Enough with all the excuses and the apologies. At this point, you are just a cautionary tale.

Honestly, I can’t blame Jane this time. She has every right to be done with this bullshit, especially considering it’s not the first time it’s happened.

33) WTF!!!

So is this why Magda suggested Petra should give the twins away? Because that’s what she did with Petra’s SISTER?! Damn, when you think she could not be any more evil! I wonder if Petra’s sister is going to be a mainstay in the show or if she’s just a plot device that’s going to be used and dropped… I always enjoy actresses playing multiple characters in the same show, so I hope she’s here to stay.

However, Petra’s sister showing up does not change the fact that Petra was ready to bolt, right? She had made her suitcases... that was her, not her sister.

34) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[jaeausten]

My thoughts on Sanditon 1x06 (Beware, here be spoilers...)

Okay, up until now I have been watching Sanditon with mixed feelings, most of it positive, but Sundays episode left me screaming WTF at my tv.

In this house, Andrew Davies is a legend. His television adaptations of the classics has always let me soak into the world of Austen, Dickens etc and has been a welcome escape from the various shitty things in my life. He has been adapting books for tv series for decades and I thought that Sanditon was going to be full of the things I love about Jane Austen’s works and subsequent adaptations (wit, satire, self possessed, independent thinking heroines and intelligent, impeccably behaved heroes) with anything else left strictly to the imagination. Austen’s works have always had elegance and propriety to them (even when dealing with sex and ruin) that simply does not appear in this adaptation. There is such a sense of pandering to modern tastes in this episode of Sanditon that I cannot get past...or forgive. This is not an Austen adaptation and I am a little upset that Andrew Davies has interpreted Austen like this. People like Austen for all the subtlety and repressed sexual tension and although Jane did not write more than 11 chapters of Sanditon, surely Andrew has had enough experience dealing with this genre and original material to have written the rest of the story the way Jane might actually have intended.

Anyway, to the episode. I was literally jumping in my seat at the end of episode 1x05 when Charlotte set off on her plucky adventure to Set Things Right and help bring Georgiana home. But when this episode started, it soon became clear that Charlotte had arrived in London with only the flimsiest scrap of a plan and little to no money! (Note- In the rest of the series, Charlotte can be impulsive, but not stupid). Next, Charlotte is made to demonstrate another act of uncharacteristic stupidity by aimlessly wandering around the back streets and alleyways near the docks acting the fresh country girl ripe for the plucking. And of course, someone grabs her. She is rescued by Sidney, but this trope of stupid, naive country girl puts herself in a dangerous situation and has to be rescued by the hero pisses me off.

Oh, and Fyi costume designer, Charlotte should be wearing her hair up, UP, UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!! 

When Sidney tells Charlotte off in the carriage, I kind of thought that he had a point; reminding her that there can be other motives for marriage than love, but her looking shocked that this could be so surprises me as she has not previously written to be so naive. But, if you see it from her point of view, Otis rocked up looking dandy af a couple of episodes ago (I’m assuming that Charlotte thought that Otis might not need Georgiana’s money with that snazzy outfit on) and spouting romantic feelings and the telling of a genuinely funny first meeting with Georgiana made her think that it was for love and that it must be prejudice as his fortune has been made from slavery! Charlotte accuses Sidney of being less than forthcoming about his objections to Otis and he is pissed that his vague af explanation did not satisfy our independent thinking heroine. But as I see it, if you can be a first class asshole and scream into the heroine’s face while losing your temper in the street, you sure as hell can be explicit about why you ask someone to keep an extra eye on your ward. Just saying....

Also, Sidney’s behaviour throughout this series to Charlotte has been so far from an Austen hero and has made me dislike him so intensely that I have rooted for young Stringer as Charlotte’s eventual husband (though we all know that’s not going to happen, don’t we). An Austen hero never lets his anger show too strongly nor bellows at the heroine in the street. But apart from the story, good manners in that era and at that social level would prohibit any true gentleman from doing so. 

Andrew, if you are not going to follow Austen’s style, then place it in the proper confines of the period. Good fucking manners always prevail!!!!!!!!!

Taking Charlotte to a Brothel?!?!?!?!?!? Gently bred females do not get taken by an Austen hero to a brothel, Jesus Christ! Would this happen in reality? Not really! This scene seems to have been lifted out of the pages of a bodice ripper (not that I have any objection to bodice rippers- I frequently read and love them myself- but in an Austen? No, just no).

Charlotte preventing Sidney from beating the shit out of Otis for ruining Georgiana’s rep with a gentle plea while he reigns in his rage for her by focusing on her face, oh my heart... Still not Austen tho...

There’s finally a flash of the old sensible Charlotte when she figures out that Georgiana might still be held in London, whoops, I sneezed, back to the naive country girl trope that doesn’t fit. 

Ewwwww, the fat, misogynistic fucker making a joke about breaking in horses being similar to handling wives while drooling over a forcibly restrained woman just had to be in there didn’t it?  

It just bugs me why Clara, Edward and Esther don’t seem to take Lady Denham seriously when she has said repeatedly thought the entire series so far that none of them will benefit monetarily from her death, yet when the will is eventually found, Clara and Edward are outraged when nothing is left to them?

I can’t decide if Charlotte is still the annoying country girl from the beginning of the episode or the plucky heroine determined to find out the truth when she refuses to stay in the carriage when Sidney goes into the brothel where he is clearly a regular member...

‘You haven’t made an honest man of our Mr Parker, have you?’ 

‘GrAcIOuS NOOOO!’

Sidney’s face. One second of pained outrage. Classic!

Ooooohhhhhhh, a dramatic carriage chase. Area man in a cravat leaping to another carriage to bring the horses to a halt and rescue a girl. Melodrama meets western...

Oh look, Clara has found the hidden will and taken the time to put on a new dress and villain smirk of crazed triumph. Fuck off luv!

Oh. My. God.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jumping each other and having grunting, rough af sex on the cold marble floor to seal their devils deal? Um, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

This is the most unAusten disgrace of the entire episode. This is what almost made me turn off the tv, but I wanted to see what else happened in the episode, so I put it on mute and glanced through my fingers occasionally. Wtf, Andrew Davies! You are so much better than this! Your experience and Austen lovers could have done without a gratuitous sex scene. Not only was it uncharacteristic in a work claiming to be based on an Austen, but it was jarring with the melodrama of the rest of the episode and quite clumsy in it’s execution. It took me completely off guard and tbh, it was fucking gross.

Here that? It’s poor Jane Austen, spinning in her grave...

Georgiana is restored to the bosom of her cold hearted guardian. Or is he? Finally, a Austenian trope! Thank fuck! Misunderstood asshole who can be capable of compassion and clearing an unworthy gentleman’s debts with his wealth to make the heroine realise he is not a complete dickhead? Can you guess which Austen hero I‘m referring to?

A manly heart to heart is in order. This is a scene that would never be in an Austen as Jane never wrote a scene that she herself could not have experienced, but I’ll let that go if it means Sidney won’t stay a twat...

Oh dear Lord, Charlotte doubts herself because she feels she has disappointed Sidney. Heroine doubts her previous harsh judgement of the hero is so Austen, I both cheered and groaned. Yay Austen! Nay Charlotte having a bad opinion of her own instincts which have been written to appear to come out of her perceived sheltered lifestyle and naivety. On the one hand, she is written as knowing nothing much about real life and needs firm handling to avoid becoming a complete idiot, and yet she is also written to understand architecture and shows clear headedness when old Stringer breaks his leg. I’m having trouble with this pendulum swinging here!

Dear God, why is Charlotte’s hair all scruffy like that? Why is it still not UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was rooting for Otis and Georgiana, but Otis proved himself kind of a douchebag. Georgiana realises that Otis is spouting bullshit when he says he only boasted of her beautiful soul to the gambling fucker, when in reality he had been dangling her and her fortune to appease a creditor. He seems sincere when he apologises though and it’s clear he does love her. But he wants to have his cake and eat it, so Georgiana out...

Oooh, that total sweetheart Babbington just showed up! I have to keep reminding myself that he isn’t Grenn from Got looking fit af in his regency gear. Rawr...

Why in the actual fuck is Charlotte refusing invitation to a London masquerade ball? Who does that? Sidney obviously expects her to be cheered right up by this and damn it, I do to! Georgiana is back safe and sound (almost) and Sanditon is about to be saved by the Regatta! She doesn’t feel sociable!? Her being sad by Sidney’s apparent bad opinion of her? Fuck that shit! Have some fucking self respect and get out there! A girl’s first visit to London on a mission (albeit in less than fun circumstances), friend is saved and you are invited to a big ass masquerade ball and you say no because of a man’s opinion?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sidney spouts crap about underestimating her while looking sheepishly adorable and Charlotte agrees to go to the ball. Knew she wanted to really... But I don’t get Sidney’s sudden change of heart about Charlotte and as for underestimating her, what for? She bollocksed up everything, except for guessing that Georgiana was still held in London so they didn’t need to go off on a wild goose chase to Gretna Green. The episode up until that second has been Sidney treating her like she is a child who has made things unnecessarily difficult and not worthy of respect or a kind word. I don’t buy this. Sorry.

The ball!!!!!!!!

Poor Tom! No one gives a shit about the Regatta at the ball and one man even throws Tom’s card on the floor! Rude. Oh well, at least he looks da bomb in his burgundy silk ensemble.

Charlotte’s disappointed in the ball and wants to leave?!?!?!? Disappointed!?!?!? In a London ball! She’s only been there for five minutes and hasn’t done the obligatory sexually charged dance in a fabulous dress with the brooding hero yet! I know she is upset that they have left Georgiana at home and that’s fine, it shows that she has sensibilities and compassion for a friend, but come on! 

Why is she asking Sidney’s opinion to leave? Why is she putting herself down? Yes, Sidney’s behaviour has definitely led her to believe that she is too headstrong and opinionated, but I don’t think she’s too much. The way she has been written up until this episode has been what has made her interesting. Austen heroine’s do go through this in the last third of the story though.

Oh, now he thinks those things are cute. No wonder Charlotte is confused. I am.

Why in holy fuck is Charlotte telling absolutely everything to a total stranger?!?! I get that it is a human thing to want to pour out your heart and problems to someone who can take a step back and see things from a different perspective, but Austen heroine’s keep their fucking counsel! Also, in the time period at that level of society, spilling your secrets to a stranger opens everyone involved up to potential scandal. Good fucking God. This is not even reality at this point!

Charlotte in love with Sidney? Surely not Queen Susan. It’s glaring that Charlotte does love Sidney at this point. Treat them mean, make them fall in love with you, I guess.

Ooooh, the smoulder! Fuck, it’s even working on me!

Jesus Christ, this dance has everything. Not taking their soft eyes off of each others, gradually getting more intense as the dance goes on. Tender brushings of hands. The waltz with his head bent to hers with while being a bit too close for proprieties sake. The way they move in perfect harmony in a way that has not been in evidence in their interactions before. Lingering touches when they have to part in the dance. Taut sexual tension dripping from every step. Both suddenly grinning their arses off when the dance gets faster. The slow-mo shot showing them falling deeper into love. Ending the dance in extreme reluctance as it means they cannot be close in front of everyone anymore while looking stunned by their feelings. Divine! 

Uh oh. Enter old flame. Why did you have to spoil it Andrew?

I know that’s Theo’s actual real life wife, but there was no chemistry that I could see. I could go and get my binoculars. Eliza Campion, I know you won’t prevail, but please step it up for the next episode cos you haven’t convinced me yet.

Charlotte is happy and glowing with her new found awakening. I hope it will last. Of course not...

If you have managed to read to the end of this, well done! I certainly wouldn’t have! As you can see, most of this post has dealt with my feelings of incredulity at the way this episode has turned out. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like Sanditon, but Sunday’s episode has left me shaking my head in confusion. Andrew Davies work has always been top notch, but I wonder if the absence of full original source material has left him unable to write the fully realised characters of the Austen novels that we have come to expect. But injecting melodrama and bizarre about turns in terms of characters and their characterisation while introducing unnecessary scenes (you know the one I mean) has left this episode severely disjointed for me.

[guardeddreamweaver]

My muse in a relationship 

taken from here xxx

Repost, because fuck...doing this as an ask meme, where not everything is said...kind of makes her sound like a psychopath depending on what you ask.  O_o

Under the cut!

🤗 Are they physically affectionate?   Under some circumstances.  She enjoys physical touch, but only on her own terms.  And often times, even if she wishes for affection, she denies herself, because often she feels that her wishes are unimportant to what is necessary.  But when she does allow it, she's very sensual and intuitive. 🎶 Do they have a type? She has preferences, but not types really.  A lot of power is required to balance her--but the form it takes is often very unpredictable, both to me and to her. 😡 What are their deal breakers? People who try to change her.  Dishonesty with needlessly cruel intent (she fully understands dishonesty to save face or prevent conflict...and a host of other reasons, some that are actually arbitrarily just as malicious XD).  A lack of self control...but under a microscope, her real problem is more with people who have an inability to separate public self from private self, rather than actually lacking self control.   ↕️Are they sub, dom or switch? Dominant...but in some very close relationships, she will switch, on certain things...maybe anything; I've never had her open in a relationship to the point where I can find out just how open to surrender she actually is.  I've have/had ships where I've hypothesized that complete openness would be possible, but honestly her emotional connections in relationships tend to unfold slowly no matter how comfortable she is with someone, even when things are "going well".  But really, it's more accurate to ask whether she is dom/sub/switch or nothing.  Since in every sense, she has a domineering personality...which doesn't necessarily dictate a kink or a dynamic, though situations often follow a script because people don't tend to go against her, or even realize that they can.  If you enjoy playing with those kinds of roles, she'll do it and happily...but she's just as likely to leave anything even remotely related to this at the door, given that her power personally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually is that immense...and it sometimes forces people into roles that they don't actually fit. ⏰ How long do their relationships tend to last? They are either very fleeting or for life.  Shutara is of the mind that some things are only beautiful and meaningful because they are brief or doomed/ill-fated.  Other times she will not even consider something unless she can see it lasting for eternity.  She's very black and white that way, among other things that she's similarly severe and blunt about approaching.  There is no middle ground to her for this topic.

💍 Would they ever get married? Perhaps.  It really depends on what the marriage would give her or her partner.  On her own, Shutara does not view marriage as a romantic engagement.  It is a business and cultural alliance.  In love, most times she'd rather not burden a partner with the paperwork and seriousness of what marrying a woman like her actually means.  She is the last of her line, so she does not wish to lose her name, status, and other cultural ties...especially because there really aren't many people who can offer her a standing higher than her own, whether from the perspective of birth or her status as a guardsman.  The only reason why she would ever consider a marriage is to leave a legacy.  And there are only certain kinds of people she would consider worthy of that amount of work, or that she knows would even appreciate it.  Shutara in general is not interested in having children, but to her in some cases, it makes sense.  Thus in those rare cases, as she would never have a child with someone she was not married to (because of the legal entanglements her offspring would have in being a successor to her, as she is not male...not because she finds it morally objectionable), it would be necessary merely because of bureaucracy.  And it would be a very special type of marriage...technically a combination adoption-marriage into HER family, so her partner would be taking her surname (the Japanese practice of becoming a yo-shi), allowing her to allocate her family properties and possessions to a joint family of her choosing.   But like actually thinking about how marriage means things that are different to different people...I honestly don't know what she'd do if she entangled herself with a person who equated marriage with something emotional.  Like I think of my other muse, Szayel who would just be like...paperwork?  Wtf.  Just give me a ring and make me a promise and nobody even has to know or see it!!!  Haha.  I am sure there would be a period of her being like....uh, I can do that but...is this actually marriage?  And then she'd be spending time trying to figure out what it actually means to her..in the meantime being bamboozled by the concept of what to her is likely "Schrodinger's marriage"....since if a paper isn't signed but vows are made, is it "real" because you believe it's real or "not real" because you made the concept yourself?  Oh goodness.  Like for real, she's incredibly progressive in many senses...but in some stuff, her traditional backbone and internal biases fuck with her mind. ️ 🏷️ Do they give their partners cute nicknames? Not really.  She's more formally romantic.  You're more likely to get things like "my love" or "my dear" than anything cute or otherwise an actual nickname. 💋 Are they more sensual or sexual? Ummm...with her they are one in the same.  She doesn't very easily separate the sensual from the sexual, and whether she realizes it or not, the fact that she tends to keep a lot of space around her at all time is rather self-protective, otherwise she'd probably find most casual touch situations to be rather violating.  But barring somebody who's related to her, people who are okay to touch are generally okay to sleep with, and usually this is instinct based for her...instantaneous, without thought, formed in sizing up first impressions, the way someone moves, the way they smell, the general vibe they give.  She tends to listen more to the lizard brain than the rational brain in physical comfort--its honest to gods physical chemistry driven and impossible for her to fake. ���� What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner? It really depends.  But like one of her favorite things is just to be in the same room together.  They don't have to be doing anything with each other, just sharing space.  Like her partner reading a book while she weaves at her loom.  She enjoys intimacy, especially the kind where there is no obligation of expectation where you /must/ be doing something with or for someone in order to prove that you care about them. 🛏 What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner? If you've ever wanted to play with a shibari master...Shutara is your girl, for obvious reasons. 💚 Are they prone to jealousy? Shutara would rather cut her ties with you than feel jealous.  Emotions like that are time wasters and she doesn't see a need for them.  It's easier to feel nothing at all than subject yourself willingly to pain, in her mind.  (She doesn't always understand that a lot of people can't really flip emotions on and off like a switch.  Defense mechanism for sure...healthy or unhealthy?  You decide.) 😘 Does their demeanor change when in a relationship?   Not publicly.  In private, she's much warmer, sometimes incredibly so.  She tends to keep personal business out of the public sphere when it's something that means a lot to her, as essentially, she'd rather not draw the evil eye to her or her lover.   👫 Do they display affection in public? What about in private? Not really, unless you count subtle things...but her subtlety when you look for it actually tends to convey things that she feels very strongly about, people included.  Some touch is okay if the situation is appropriate (ie dance, sharing something, holding a hand...or 8), but mostly the change that you'll see is in her proximity to someone.  In private, depending on the wishes of partners/friends, she can be very affectionate.  It's actually quite sweet, as for all her grace, she's rather clumsy with initiating affection of her own accord. 💕 Are they open to threesomes or a polyamorous relationship? Polyamory has an appeal to her in theory, given that she's in the guard, and she knows that unless she chooses to be in a relationship with someone else who is similarly in the guard...there's likely going to be long stretches of time separate.  She doesn't really like her actual life-mates to feel pain because of some idea of one true soulmates or whatever.  She's far too practical for that, and she's ancient...so while deep down she's actually incredibly romantic, it's not at all in a stereotypical way.  And often her views are not happy ones anyway...nor does she really value her own happiness.  In practice I have no idea how she'd do with actual polyamory.  Lol...write with me and figure it out.   Threesome wise, with the right people, I know she'd be okay with FFF and MMF.  She has MFF hangups in stuff that she hasn't really wanted/needed to examine and work through...mostly dealing in how she tends focus her own attentions/abilities on people and what it's like to have different levels of attraction to different genders, especially if she's in a relationship with one of them.  She's rather afraid of ignoring someone she shouldn't...and she also doesn't know how to feel if she feels that the other woman there is more "attractive"...since she views herself as incredibly attractive, but moreso with clothing on.  

TL;DR Shu is really weird about some stuff and refuses to unpack anything that may help her...unless a muse that she's close to walks her through it.  This is true about anything...sex, love, her history, her likes/dislikes, you name it...sometimes I have to thread it with a muse she's more comfortable with (even just in theory since she will tell things to people she doesn't know well), and its just the approach...like threading with a male muse vs a female one, a fellow guardsman vs someone below her in stature, someone young vs someone old, a shinigami vs a different race, etc.  She has weird tastes and weird rules about who she shares what stuff with that I constantly have to work around to get what I want.  Often when I'm asked about her my answer is "oh I don't know....but I know exactly how to find out" which with her is half the battle.

💔 Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with? Publicly?  Haha lots of people.  Privately...not really.  Shutara is okay with even some rather shocking kinds of people when her interests are kept on the downlow.  I mean as far as she's concerned, who she shares herself with isn't anybody's business...so her private life does have the possibility of being a complete shitshow.  It's grand. 💝 How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship? Shutara is very slow to trust.  But that said, she doesn't tend to enter a relationship unless she is convinced that it will work out and be beneficial.  She kind of makes a decision to be comfortable, if that makes any sense.  It may take her a while to get to that...or she may decide that you are worthy very quickly.  When she does make that decision though, she is incredibly solid and settled. 🤐 Would they ever confess their feelings first? Yes, she's not shy that way.  And she'd rather not let something that is meaningful get away from her. ❌Would they ever cheat on their partner? No.  Hooray, an uncomplicated answer! ‍‍‍ 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Do they want children? Shutara is quite tokophobic given her past with some things she's witnessed as a child, particularly with her mother who struggled a lot with miscarriage for reasons that medically would have been not understood at the time she was growing up (we have rhoGAM today, they did not).  And she views herself as a destroyer rather than as a life-giver, so the idea of having children, especially if she is the one to carry them is incredibly anxiety inducing and rather fucks with her idea of self.  I know that if she had children, she would be an incredible mother.  If she had a female partner who ended up bearing children, or she ended up choosing a partner of either sex who already had children when they met (like on indie, she's had dalliances with a Ryuuken), she tends not to have an existential crisis, though it takes time for her to process the idea of being a parental figure.  But like...it takes some serious working through roadblocks in order to have children with her in a more traditional sense. 🐶 Are they a cuddler? When she gives in, she loves to cuddle.  And she's kind of split down the middle about it.  Because she'd prefer to be the demonstrative one in a private situation ike that...she's basically the tiniest big spoon you will ever meet.  But she also very much craves being held...as she has a lot of responsibilities and almost always takes the lead.  Don't question her or bring up her inconsistencies...just let her seek out intimacy because she deserves it. 🔮 Do they believe in soul mates? Yes, very much so.  But, not necessarily just in the romantic sense.  She believes that soul mates can take any form, even that of a fated enemy.  Also, given her personal powers, I've always hc'd that as a weaver, she's intertwined both with the ideas of spinning fate ala the Moirae/Fates and the Japanese concept of the red strings of fate that bind you to your soulmates.  She can tell who she is tied to and who she is not.  She can also alter these bonds for herself and other people, though it can come at a great cost.   ⚔️ Are they protective of their partner? Yes, very much so.  Even if they don't necessarily recognize something as a protective behavior.  And Shutara is very strong in general.  It is natural for her to lend her power to a partner and keep them safe. 🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love? However far as they are willing to go for her. ️❤️ Do they fall in love easily? When she gives herself permission, yes.  It's just...that's the rare part. 📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family? Not really.  Shutara tends to keep her personal business private.  She'll listen to any gossip that /you/ want to tell her though, lol. ♦️Are they concerned with the social status of their partner? Well like I've said before, with things like marriage, yes.  But not in who she loves.  So it depends on what you're talking about. 💭 Do they tend to sleep better when in bed with their partner?   She likes to sleep in bed with a partner, that's for sure.  But Shutara is kind of a pain to sleep with.  She's restless and a wild sleeper.  Even though she's tiny, she'll still starfish you to the corner of the mattress.  She punches and kicks in her sleep.  She will push you off the edge of the bed, and not wake up.  She'll steal your pillows, hog the blankets, and even sometimes sleepwalks.  Lol...when Shu sleeps, she's an asshole, unless she's so tired that she literally cannot move.

[serenagaywaterford]

5) Honestly, imo it would made a lot more sense if Serena got involved with the Resistance after 2x08. She's a writer and a good propagandist, June's an editor, they could carefully go behind Fred's back. Also, Commander Lawrence is there. They could have brought down Gilead from within. Maybe I'm being simplistic, but I think it would have given a nice msg. An instigator (and impassioned supporter) of a misogynistic (and homophobic) totalitarian regime becomes a victim herself, but decides to

6) to do sth about that monstrous situation she created, even if that means that she will go down with Gilead. Then again, I do understand why the creators didn't go there. This is the handmaid's tale, not the redeemed fascist's tale. Regarding 2x10, oof. I pride myself in having a hard stomach, but that scene made me REALLY, REALLY uncomfortable (and ENRAGED). (A lot more uncomfortable than the previous ceremonies, which were terrible enough on their own, AND Eden's death* .) And given that

7) Serena has the gall to tell Fred that June hates him, because he raped her. Like bitch, stfu, it was YOUR idea! You raped her and used Fred for the penetration. And not only that, but she manipulated Fred/played him like an instrument. She knows at this point that he's a serial rapist/abuser AND in love with June, so ofc he wouldn't decline the opportunity to abuse her once again. It really is telling that June was screaming Serena's name, not Fred's. I wonder wtf was going on Serena's mind

8) to put the baby's life in danger. She could have punished June after the birth if she really wanted to. That being said, I personally think that Serena was kind of OOC in that episode. Not because she's an angel that is not capable of such hideous things. But, after taking under consideration 2x08 and 2x09, I felt that her 180° change came out of nowhere. Especially, since she took a small taste of her own medicine. She knows what abuse/domestic violence feels like. As for the marital rape,

9) it may have been clichéd, but it would also have made sense. A person that repeatedly rapes a woman, beats his wife and is okay with mutilations draws the line at forcing himself on her? Since when do creepers have standards? One last thing, because I've spammed you enough. *I mentioned Eden's death (which made me cry like a baby). How do you feel about her? Bc was disappointed that the fandom blamed a 15 year old child that was forced to marry a man twice her age. Not only that, but she

10) forgave him and kept Nick and June's secret? // END OF RANT // My apologies.

---------

I think I have to put a read more here! Eep!

“Then again, I do understand why the creators didn't go there. This is the handmaid's tale, not the redeemed fascist's tale.”

I had to laugh IRL there. Cos, it’s true. It’s June’s story, technically speaking, not Serena’s. And I dunno but I feel like I suspect that’s where they eventually want to take the show. But S2 is too early for that? I personally don’t know why. There’s no law an American programme must go one for 14 seasons. It could easily be a 4 season series. Or 3! But I’ve read things that Hulu wants to keep it going as long as possible. Huge mistake, imo. Organically speaking, Serena changing course after 2x08, or even, at a push, 2x09 would have made much more sense than this “will she? won’t she?” BS they keep doing with her. I think she’s come around in a way she hadn’t before by the finale (or Eden’s murder). But it still doesn’t seem like it’s something she’ll carry through with--especially without June. It’s interesting how much Serena relies on June for incentive/encouragement. Basically everything Serena’s done in resistance since mid-S2 has been because June has done or challenged her or said something to prompt her. I feel on her own, she would be ~meeker. Even things like, “Hey, so I know this way to possible save the baby... what do you think?” is clearly her going “Please say what I want to hear!” It’s like she can’t just do it herself. She needs June’s input. June was calling almost every shot in 2x08. In 2x09, when left to her own devices, Serena folded. It took June screaming at her in 2x13 for her to do anything about reading. So, without June around I feel like Serena will just go back to old ways. Which is ridic cos she is an intelligent, powerful woman when she actually has the balls. The only thing Serena manages to do on her own is assault, hate speech, and war crimes lol. The easy shit.

That said, I kinda like how they ended 2x08. I loved Fred seeing the rose on June’s bedside and putting all the pieces together and seeing that as the true threat: Serena and June as friends/partners in rebellion. The beating scene was horrific too, mostly cos I’m not one of those weird fans that was sitting there cheering, “YAY I’M SO GLAD SERENA GOT BEAT! SERVES HER RIGHT!” (I just... want to throttle every single person who’s said that. Not necessarily cos I wuv woobie Serena sfm but because way to miss the point of the entire series.) but the aftermath was even worse, imo. June reaching out and attempting to maintain the bond, but Fred managed to break Serena really easily. Like it’s just so awful how easy it was for him to snap that bond, cos he knows his wife and her pride, etc. It was ... so manipulative and evil genius. (Although it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, Freddie boy.) It was just such a prime example of exactly how they maintain power in Gilead and how they managed to get it working: estranging women from each other. And it was just such an apt way of visualising the concepts June talked about in S1 about keeping women at arm’s length of each other, suspicious, etc. in order for men to keep power. So, in that sense, I thought it was well done. But then... I was like, “OH FUCK THIS. NOT AGAIN. FUCKING SERENA. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. WHY CAN’T SHE BE STRONG LIKE JUNE. UGH.”

I dunno.

Yeah. 2x10. I was “lucky” to have seen that scene ahead of time... so I was prepared when it happened during the episode. But it was still repulsive. Aside from the nonsensical writing of the whole thing, it was just gross. And I think maybe you’re the first person that when talking about this has mentioned how grossed out you are by the other Ceremony scenes. So many people just... don’t really mention them. I remember the article about 2x10 and how the showrunners were saying something along the lines of “Is it really that big of a deal when the same thing has been happening the entire time?” Nobody reacted the same way those times, because the Handmaids are quiet and well-behaved during their rapes, even though, on some level I think Serena and some other wives (IIRC) are completely aware of how terrible it is (Serena even admits as much...but does it anyway uuuggghhhhh.) This is the only time June ever fights back and suddenly not only are Fred and Serena faced with the brutal reality of the act but as the audience we are as well. It’s easy to look the other way when nobody is crying or struggling but WHAM. Fuck that. This is gross and horrible and here is what it REALLY is. And it’s hard to swallow.

June crying Serena’s name was probably the absolute worst part, cos it just makes it crystal clear that everyone knows exactly who is responsible for that rape. June knows who has the power, whose idea it was, and she knows the only one to stop it is not Fred. (God, I fucking hate Fred but like you said, he was totally played by Serena. I don’t let him off the hook for it but really it was her idea, 100% and he just thought “Hell yeah! Sounds good!”)

I feel like as much as Serena understood the Ceremony is pretty bad generally, I don’t think she recognised it as “real” rape until that moment. I feel like a lot of those Gilead people are just so willfully blind and selfish and horrible that they actively refuse to see things. Like Serena’s weird ass enthrall about child brides. I know some of that was to get back at June but she seemed genuinely awed by how beautiful it all was. NO BITCH IT’S NOT. IT’S CHILD ABUSE AND SEX TRAFFICKING. 

I just have given up trying to understand why Serena would do such a monumentally STUPID and DANGEROUS thing if she honestly cared about the baby--which, incidentally, I do believe she truly loves Nicole and babies. As crazy as that is. Even if her love of Nicole specifically is totally a self-centeredness. But she loves babies. Babies above all else apparently, including other women. And she’s not an idiot. Baby health aside, that is a HUGE crime in Gilead to rape a pregnant Handmaid for any reason. I’m supposed to believe Serena is just so massively upset about June’s false labour that she goes mentally insane, even after being subjected to the similar treatment like a week earlier? It’s a huge, nonsensical risk on basically every single level. 

I’ve come to the conclusion, considering all those things you did, it was just bad writing. Her 180 just... is bonkers. I give up. I don’t think there’s any way to logically get from 2x08/09 to 2x10 without taking some leaps. Do I think Serena would punish and abuse June for humiliating her? Absolutely. That’s her MO. She lives for that shit. But rape? It... I dunno again. Fucking weird. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or what, but I do find it interesting that after that Serena never raises a hand to June again, when she had some opportunity. She still punished her by separating her from Nicole but she never physically assaults her again. (Not that I’m saying she’s a changed person or anything. I just thought it was curious but I don’t know if it was deliberate on the show’s part or just a symptom of lack of real opportunity.)

ITA re: the marital rape too. I see no reason Fred wouldn’t escalate to that. It’s all Joseph Fiennes fault. Which is probably what pisses me off the very most. He decided that was just too much for his character? C’mon. That’s too much but what Fred does in the next ep is peachy keen? Oh, right, because in 2x10 we can blame Fred’s behaviour on his evil wife. It’s not really his fault. I see. But you can’t blame Serena for him raping her. Ugh. So, cos, Fiennes doesn’t like it, we lose way more context for Serena--who, lbr, is the more important character in this whole series out of the two of them.

EDEN. OMG BB EDEN.

I’m with you. I was actually pretty disgusted at fandom’s response to her. SHE IS A CHILD. But all these Nick/June shippers were going hogwild attacking her for getting inbetween their precious self-insert fantasy relationship. (I have a particularly low opinion of Nick/June shippers primarily because of their reactions to Eden, tbh. Before that, I was like whatever, each to their own.) This is a story about women and girls in a horrible society, and the focus seemed to be on tearing apart this female child for something she had zero control over. I never got the “Eden is evil and gonna fuck shit up for Nick (and June)!” vibe. She seemed to be a regular girl caught and raised in a misogynistic awful place and just lost. I absolutely ABHORRED the way Nick treated her the entire fucking time. (I honestly hate him so much, and most of that again is due to him since the forced marriage, both in the way he was with Eden and with June. And the number of fangirls fanwanking away all his shitty fucking behaviour and throwing Eden under the bus didn’t help my attitude.) 

She’s a KID. FORCED TO MARRY A GROWN MAN. A man who it wouldn’t kill to just be straight up with her and a little bit kind. Fuck. (Serena’s grooming certainly wasn’t good either. Like, seriously lady, shut up. Stop pressuring the kid to fuck an adult man who hates her by telling her “Well maybe you can like it too!” AHHHHH.)

To me, aside from the babies/children, Eden was the most truly good character on the entire show. She was patient, kind, caring, FORGIVING, loving. Completely innocent bb girl. And then she gets fucking murdered for kissing a boy she actually likes and wants to be with. Which, was ........... wow. Gilead’s hypocrisy killing a pious young girl, presumably fertile... Yikes.

And that little girl was more brave than ANY other character. And maybe some of that is teenage thinking but still she was staring down death and refused to back down. Sure, it’s unreasonable, and an adult likely wouldn’t have made that decision... but also what was her option? Repent... and become a Handmaid? That would have been her fate since she’s an adulteress and fallen woman. And since she truly believes in goodness, and God, and Heaven (presumably), she sees it as a way for her and Isaac to be together. Meanwhile, it took a literal death sentence for Nice Guy Nick to actually recognise he could have maybe been a bit kinder to her. Then she’s asking for HIS forgiveness. AH. Eden bb.

I have a lot of feelings about Eden, and the way fandom treated her. Even when she was killed, fans were still calling her stupid and annoying for her choice--likely the ONLY real choice she has EVER had for herself. (I think that concept gets forgotten.) Like WTF sort of world do you live in that you watch a show about fascism and female oppression and turn around and bitch out the YOUNG GIRL strictly for being a young girl in a fascist society?

But hey, this is the same fandom that calls Janine annoying and crazy, and says Serena deserves to be beaten and mutilated by her husband/Gilead. Way to miss the point of the entire show. But that’s a totally other rant for another time, heh.

Also, anon, NEVER APOLOGISE FOR YOUR RANTS. They are so wonderful to read cos I completely agree! And it’s just such a relief to see reasonable people around these parts. 

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

[indcliblee-blog]

hey there demons, it’s me...sam ( she / her, twenty one, est timezone ) and y’all are so talented. i am not worthy, but ANYWAYS. character info under the cut. lmk if you wanna plot!

*　charlie heaton, cis male, he/him, oc　━━　riverdale’s very own HARRISON IRVING is now twenty three years old. they have lived in town for twenty one years, and pop never forgot their regular ━ earl grey tea with milk and sugar. you’ll likely find the car thief/ghoulie around the house of the dead, probably pretending he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. their friends on the southside will tell you all about how they’re pensive, resourceful and charming, but others might describe them as aloof or sarcastic. oh well, no matter how you feel about irving, you can’t deny that they somehow manage to make that huge scar over their right eye look cool.　━━　

so, first thing’s first. irving is one of those people who goes by his last name and 99.9% of the entire population doesn’t even realize that irving...isn’t his first name. only Special People™ are allowed to call him harrison ( or harry as his mom called him ). anyone else does and he’ll Fite but...nobody knows his name is harrison so like. why would you randomly call him that.

anyways. irving was born to an english mother in leeds. who is his father? what happened to him? why has the man literally never been in his life? irving doesn’t know! he does know that his mom moved the two of them out to america when he was about a year old, and then finally settled in riverdale by the time he was two.

he does in fact have an accent. ur welcome. except it’s usually not very pronounced although the more pissed off he is, the british-er he gets lmao. also tends to use british slang words for No Good Reason considering everyone usually needs a minute to figure out what he’s referring to when he says: “trainers” “chips” “queue” “takeaway” “lift” u get it. s/o to his very british mum for all of that.

has lived in the southside since he was two years old and has always been familiar with the ghoulies because his mom has been buying drugs from them for as long as he can remember. she worked tons of jobs all across town over the years in order to support her habit during his childhood. and what did she do to support irving? not much tbh, BUT. irving has always loved her very very dearly.

of course, no one else in riverdale ever seemed to care for the woman at all, but hey. she was a teen mom ( later formerly ) with well - known drug addiction issues and a revolving door of shitty “boyfriends” so. being labelled one of the trashiest women in town was inevitable and there was nothing she could really do about it. people were gonna say whatever they wanted and that was that. she got along just fine anyhow, mostly by shamelessly taking on any jobs, dinners, coins, etc offered to her by townspeople who were honestly just giving her pity handouts. anything so she could afford her drugs, you know?

irving was often left fending for himself out on the streets and since it never killed him ig he did okay? fell in with the ghoulies pretty quickly as a teen attending southside high since he was already familiar with them. they welcomed him into The Squad and they quickly became the family he never had. aw. he’s incredibly loyal to the ghoulies but possible wc! he might’ve had a few serpent / future serpent friends who he left behind upon joining up with the ghoulies.

by then he was already good at breaking into cars, but the ghoulies taught him how to actually steal them and not to brag on him or anything, but these days he’s damn good at it & street racing too! 100% intending to brag on him now — irving here is a really good street racer and everyone knows it. if you’re driving against him then sorry but you’re probably gonna lose. that’s life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

isn’t a bad fighter either, but generally won’t be the ghoulie who’s starting shit. absolutely will back up his friends though, so...watch out for that

deals in the same drugs as all the other ghoulies and might indulge himself from time to time, mostly for recreational purposes. smokes way too many cigarettes and will light up indoors if he needs a fix. no fucks given.

NOW. TIME TO TALK ABOUT HIS SCAR. it’s located on the right side of his face and spans from forehead to cheek, cuts right through the delicate skin of his eyelid and even damages his actual eye rather severely. if you’re picturing anakin skywalker’s face scar in revenge of the sith then you’re right except irving’s is worse. he has about 40% vision left in his right eye ( probably...ofc he’s never actually had it looked at by a doctor ) which is both good and bad because obviously it’s a pretty blatant vulnerability, but most people tend to assume he’s completely blind in that eye and then they’re in for *seamus finnegan vc* a bit of a nasty shock. as for how he got the scar, it’s...not a v interesting story tbh. he was about 15 - 16, got into it with his mom’s latest boyfriend drunkard & all around garbage human being and the guy p much tried to carve his face off with a broken beer bottle. yikes

oh, about his mom. she’s dead now. overdosed to the surprise of absolutely no one. irving was eighteen at the time and actually was the one to find her on their living room couch. naturally he was Sad™ but in this house we absolutely do not properly express our emotions

and now we’re in the present. these days you’ll most likely irving hanging with the other ghoulies, boosting cars either for them or for cash, winning street races, possibly reading a book or two or fifty

this is already a novel but i have more so let’s do rapid fire fun facts!

most people’s first impression of him is probably that he’s aloof. doesn’t even talk much around other ghoulies, but won’t hesitate if he’s got something to say. something usually being a sarcastic remark.

been arrested plenty of times, in and out of juvie & jail his whole life.

acts like he doesn’t care about anyone but himself + like he has -4 morals but that’s such a LIE LMAO. catch him refusing to steal from anyone he knows to have less than him, being kind to animals, holding open the door for people, using common manners, bringing his favorite old librarian lady her beloved butterscotch candies and saying it’s because he’s just trying to avoid being fined for returning books late when it’s actually just because he loves that old lady and knows she loves those awful candies

about the library, btw. if he’s not hanging with the other ghoulies then he’s probably there, lowkey skulking around the shelves. his mom started taking him every once in a while as a kid, figuring that letting him check out a bunch of books would keep him occupied for a while and it did. he’s LOVED to read ever since & can often be found with his nose in a book. actually loves to talk about his favorite books, but rarely gets the chance. aw.

known for being a particularly vicious and resourceful fighter. good with knives and guns, but the main thing you’ve gotta watch out for with him is the fact that HE WILL FUCKING BITE YOU WTF. like. blood running down his chin & everything. horrifying, truly.

so like, lowkey soft for those he cares about but will attack if provoked

ANYWAY, i think we’re all tired of me by this point and that is completely valid so just message me if you wanna plot! i have nothing super specific in mind and want all the plots tbh. i’m super excited to write with you all!

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 7)

blerg, I wanted to hit page 500 in the last chunk o’ liveblog, but alas. We continue on. This book is just too dense, the liveblog posts are too long and I will continue to mention that in every one of these posts, ‘cause it’s wild just how much is in here!

Part 7 encompasses pages 476-557 (previous parts)

OOOOOOOH JASNAH POV!!!!

hey, her art bubble is the old Shallan art bubble. that’s...boring. why doesn’t she get her own?

I’m emotional about Taln forever and ever

Jasnah being paranoid about her safety and assassins and stuffing her ventilation shaft with cloths is...so... You don’t expect Jasnah to be scared, but here she is. It makes perfect sense--she got stabbed through the chest, of course she’s scared--but she’s so poised and in control, you just don’t expect it.

OMG Jasnah had back up files of her notes!!! That’s brilliant.

spanreeds are so cool

do we know which type of spren Ivory is? if we do I don’t remember.

just keep reading, Megan, they’ll tell you. Inkspren. ...of course.

also, I’d been wondering how Jasnah was “broken”--since all the Radiants are--and somehow I never expected childhood illness. that’s a logical breaking point, but I never even thought of it.

THERE WAS A JASNAH AND HOID’S MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!! THERE WAS!!! I’VE BEEN ROBBED!!!

but also, wtf did she learn, what did she learn from him. I’m guessing it’s the same thing the Stormfather refused to tell Dalinar... about all ten orders returning.

god, I really, really hope that my theory about them replacing the Heralds is wrong. I don’t want that. ..

(It’s a good theory though; the first new members of the ten orders all make a new Oathpact at the end of the fifth book. the back five are about their first time breaking and the first Desolation post-this one. It’s awful and I don’t want it, but you gotta admit, it’s an interesting theory, at least in a meta way.)

also I’m sad no one likes the honorspren. Syl is such a good. then again, she’s different than her peeps, she always says.

gaahhh, the Moash chapters are killing me every time I see that patchless shoulder I just die a lil bit inside

“Compared to bridge duty, this was paradise.” I’M CRYING??? This is so, so much the ‘I did that, so I can survive anything’ mentality and I’m cry.

okay, but can all of the Fused use all of the Surges? or do they all do different things? Do they have the equivalent of radiant orders?

(I’m going to be so excited if Moash gets a spren, but I feel like he maybe has to take responsibility for his actions first...)

aaahh Moash is taking the Kaladin route of “I don’t care about these people but storm it, I’m helping them anyway”.

OH SHIT Those are the ones who Kaladin helped, aren’t they... they brought “a false god” that was Kaladin shit shit shit they are getting punished for him. He would die if he knew, oh god.

AAAHH MOASH IS A GOOD “You’re becoming like us” Ohhhh goooddd yep. yep. wow. Be better. Do better. The theme of this book, and I love it. I LOVE MOASH AAHHH

punk!Dalinar not being allowed to fight is wild.

OOOHH THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM HE’S BEEN HURTING PEOPLE?? WHY!!!!?? YOU GOTTA TELL HIM HE’S DESTROYING PEOPLE’S LIVES BY BEING A BLACKOUT DRUNK AND FIGHTING PEOPLE

THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING AND HE SHOULD KNOW THAT

his name means “born unto light” oh my god that’s delightful oh my god

ohno. you should not send Dalinar back to war, u should keep him at home and maybe find him a therapist to talk to him about the Thrill...

FLYING KHOLINS AHOY!!

“something profoundly disconcerting about being out on the ocean” disconcerting? You’ve misspelled exciting.

They are holding hands while flying that’s adorable

I love that it’s “Elhokar’s team” when we all know Kaladin will end up in charge, much to Adolin’s chagrin...

No comment on what Dalinar’s hair looks like all windswept, obviously that means he’s been windswept into full greaser-style pompadour.

“shellheads” really? wtf. you didn’t call them that before. it’s only after they gain sentience that you give them derogatory nicknames?

High King Dalinar founding his own kingdom is wild to think about...

All of Navani’s scribes and engineers are so excitable. I love it.

Dalinar sneaking about without guards is nervewracking. Pls be safe, buddy.

“what else were important lighteyes going to do with unmotivated children?” Uuh...motivate them? Don’t just throw them aside to the church and expect them to drain resources by doing nothing for the rest of their lives? Find some way for them to be productive members of society? Why is this such a hard concept?

Fucking lighteyes

“He was RURAL Alethi he CAN’T be a HERALD” fuck off, Kadash. Kaladin is from a backwater and he’s a Radiant. And Taln wasn’t a king. We know this.

“No spiritual basis for rule” seems like a good thing to me...separation fo church and state and all that...

Something I’m not surprised that Vorinism sucks ass at caring for the mentally ill...

Yeah, ok, but who cut Taln’s wall from the outside? one of the other Heralds? Someone who still has their honorblade? Or some...Diagram/Ghostblood/SonofHonor mofo who realized before we did that Taln is a Herald? I’M CONCERNED FOR MY ANCIENT BROKEN SON

“Lately, he didn’t much like himself.” Noooooo, Moaaaashhh!! I still like you! A lot!!!

I am absolutely delighted that the Fused point their toes when they are flying. My synchronized swimming ass is just...DELIGHTED

“You don’t farm an apocalypse.” heheheh

The tavern is called the Fallen Tower? really? Dalinar’s army fell at the Tower... and Bridge Four saved them. really.

omg noooo noooooooooo no

nooo

nooooooooo

that’s

a lumberyard. and

ladderruns. that’s the same damn thing oh god

no, I don’t want this.

Let Moash Live 2k17

There’s a weird trend of swapping PoVs in the middle of a chapter. I’m not used to it.

“They acted like they owned her already.” I mean...they kinda do, Shallan. You kinda fucked up with them.

“without her having to remain at the meeting” hon, you are needed at the meetings for reasons other than your mapmaking skills??

“I am my own woman” teeeechnically, you’re...what, Taravangian’s subject now? Right, he’s in charge of Vedenar.

Evi deserves better than punk!Dalinar. Him yelling at her because she invaded his manly man-space is gross and he should stop

Navani just chilling with Evi and Ialai is wild. I legit can’t imagine them all getting along.

Also, I love that Renarin’s name is just a name. I love the convoluted meaning of nothing. it’s great.

Evi is a Good and she! deserves! better!

oh god babies

tiny, tiny babies

Evil flying chulls!! Tiny Adolin is too cute oh god

Just writing down that page 519 is the glyph alphabet. That’s important, you know. :)

NanKhet’s list of assassination attempts and then his like... banquet of executions. is some Greek mythology shit up in here. That’s #yikes

Pastry chef scholar man! I love it! I love that there aRE people in Vorin lands who don’t adhere to Vorinism’s gender roles, people who think gender roles are for squares.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend has waaay too many names. Nakku, Nalan, Nale. This is why I just still call him Hello Darkness.

“Did you misplace her?” One does not simply misplace Lift.

They keep talking about how Thaylen City was super wrecked by the Everstorm and that’s fair, but like...has anyone heard from Shin? Talk about being unprotected for a wrong-way highstorm...

Jasnah reflexively sucking in Stormlight the second Amaram appears in the doorway is Big Mood.

“Other than the fact that you are a detestable buffoon who acheives only the lowest level of mediocrity, as it is the best your limited mind can imagine? I can’t possibly think of a reason.” GOD FUCKING BLESS.

“Give me an excuse. I dare you.” BIGGEST MOOD EVER OH MY GOD

yeah, you run away. fucker.

“The Windrunner” “the flying bridgeman” “brightlord broodingeyes” HE HAS A NAME, LADIES. He has a name.

I’m super tired of everyone--especially Jasnah--underestimating and disregarding Renarin.

And then he goes and does COOL SHIT LIKE FIND THE RESONATING LIBRARY!!!!??

Also, Jasnah can infuse gems with light? wacky fun.

oohh LIghtweaving isn’t just light it’s “and various waveforms” Renarin’s LIghtweaving is super different from Shallan’s isn’t it!!? I can’t want to see MOAR SURGES

Nooooo, Moash.... you gotta do the Kaladin thing! You can’t let go! Look at you, you are already helping the people he helped. You can’t stop yourself any more than he could. You’re not here to let go. You’re here to remember how to care.

Moash bby, I know you are prone to stupid decisions, but please...please don’t do anything stupid...

.........like that.

okay, creepy flying in charge lady. is creepy.

Okay, teaching the parshmen how to spear is good? sort of? from a certain point of view.

Ooooh Rlain pov!!! That’s new and interesting.

you know why is he here? How did he not get eaten by the first Everstorm?

HECK YE ALL FIVE LADY SCOUT WINDRUNNER SQUIRES HEEECKKK YYESSSSS

THEMS MY GIRLS

“He loved them because they did try.” Aaaahhhhh

“That’s like...extra manly.” I’m not sure that’s how being gay works, but I’ma roll with it. :D

“I guess it’s just a thing men say. Can you tell me how it feels?” “I can try.” KALADIN IS A GOOD WHO IS TRYING VERY HARD AND RLAIN IS ALSO A GOOD WHO IS TRYING VERY HARD AND I’M EMOTIONAL

I am so glad they are Trying Together.

That is an interesting question...did the magic stagnate them? stop people from being interested in finding non-magic ways of doing things? not just steel, but like...idk, indoor plumbing and better ways of farming, or anything that a Soulcaster can do. Why would you need better ways when you have the magic way?

It’s a very Harry Potter Wizard Wolrd mentality, tbh.

Oh shit, the Recreance was 2k years AFTER the Heralds bugged out and broke the Oathpact? That’s a long time for them to keep going without their leaders? and then to suddenly stop after all that time? whyyyy

what did they learn? about their spren? Jasnah knows.

Oh no!!!

nooo

he can hear the spren dying!!!???? OH NOOO

OH SNAP

WHAT

WHAT

NO

UM??? WHAT

THE FUCK?

HOW DID HE HACK DALINAR’S VISION?? WHERE DID HE COME FROM? HOW DID HE GET HERE? HOW DANGEROUS IS HE IN THIS FORM? HOW IS HE HERE?

WHAT

IS

HAPPENING

god, how many times did Dalinar rely on the Thrill? that’s got to leave some kind of bond, some connection. Something Odium can exploit.

God, it’s still really weird to think of Odium--the bad guy--as light, gold, white. it’s refreshing, but also wtf

Ah, fuck off, you’re not a god. The Shardholders are not gods. They’re just dudes with extra powerful magic. Ask Sazed.

God, okay, the STormfather is so. scared. wtf.

Oooohh, he hasn’t gotten Cultivation yet. She’s hidden and he’s bound--not very well if he’s here now, but still.

Can she help us?

Why does he...have to kill people? Is it because he’s the avatar of hatred of something else?

...interesting. Passion.

..........interesting that the Thaylens worship the Passions.

Also, I resent that if he’s All Sorts of Emotion/Passion, there’s the implication that all emotion eventually leads to violence, and I RESENT THAT SO HARD

oh snap, Cultivation is the Nightwatcher? What? I did not expect that...

goes further to the None of the Three Shards Are Good or Bad

though Odium might be lying...

what the shit

was that the Odium hell planet?

Did....did Lift just... scare him away?

I’m increaingly thinking shes got a bit of Cultivation in her. She’s not just a kiddo, and not just a Radiant, there’s something funky going on with her, and I think it’s something powerful enough to scare Odium.. hm...

EEEEYYYYY END PART TWO!!!!!

eww gross, Taravangian AND Venli? Bad interludes are bad. Where’s Szeth? I miss him.

[bewareoftrees]

Babylon 5 Watch (Season 1, Episodes 7-9)

Remember last post when I said the super serious space Nazi episode was unexpected? Well now I’ve seen episode 7. Babylon 5 with the hard hitting social commentary!

I’m having fun going through this show so far, and I hope you are having just as much fun tagging along. But if you haven’t read my previous posts on the first 6 episodes of season 1, do it! Post 1 can be found here, and post 2 here. Get at it!

Episode 1.7 “The War Prayer”

I want to learn more about the bone structures that grow around the heads of the Minbari. If I’m remembering correctly, Delenn’s assistant’s um... outer skull? Temple helmet? Flattened antlers? What do I even call those things? Well, whatever they are called, I remember the assistant’s cranial bone structure looked different than Delenn’s, but her friend’s looks pretty similar here. So is this just a coincidence and/or lazy character design? Are they grown as intricately as they are, or are they carved?

Ugh... A butterfly knife. The worst kind of knife. (I may or may not have an irrational fear of butterflies...)

For a hate group, the symbol put into Mayan’s forehead seems rather inclusive. In terms of sex/gender anyway...

Side Note: Did this pro-Earth hate group do any research when creating this symbol? 

What is it with this show constantly bringing people in from a character’s past? We’ve had Dr. Franklin’s archeologist friend, Talia’s psychic instructor/lover (shudders at word), the commander’s ex, and now Ivanova’s ex. It’s ok to introduce strangers, guys.

Whoa. Look at that sweater. How could Ivanova NOT fall back in love with that?

Speaking of love, maybe mention the importance of love to you when arguing your case against being forced into an arranged marriage. How hard is it just to say, “I love this woman and WANT to marry her!,” as opposed to, “the person they’re making me marry is super ugly!”? With a personality like that I’m sure she isn’t that excited for this arranged marriage either, bud!

Great, now whenever I see Kosh all I will be able to think about is what he actually looks like under that suit.

I know this is a really important and serious scene, but look at all the hotdogs!

Man, you’d think this episode was written this year with all the ethnocentrism, racism, social inequality, etc. But no, it aired over two decades ago. Yay progress...

"Considering the situation, Garibaldi, I’d think you'd have something on your mind other than my look." - Well if he didn’t creep me out before, now he reminds me of Trump.

Londo: “My shoes are too tight. But it doesn't matter because I've forgotten how to dance.” Excuse me while I wipe away this single tear slowly trailing down my face...

OMG... [Folds into self, sinking deep into couch] The Commander pretending to hate aliens is making me soooooo uncomfortable. Look at all the looks he’s getting from people who thought they knew him! Nnnnooooooooo...

Goodness, Commander. Points for not shooting the alien woman, but maybe protect the woman who isn't trained for these situations!

Episode 1.8 “And the Sky Full of Stars”

I’m going to go ahead and assume Coldplay wasn’t inspired by this episode to write the song “A Sky Full of Stars.”

Oh look, two members of the Aryan race are looking shifty! How unexpected in this show full of racism and a Hitler-esque alien! (No, but seriously. There are a ton of blonde-haired, blue-eyed guys in this episode.)

Does anyone else ever just want to touch the Commander’s eyebrows? They look so soft! I bet they have their own twitter account.

Commander: “Everyone lies, Michael. The innocent lie because they don't want to be blamed for something they didn't do. And the guilty lie because they don't have any other choice.” Uh... Boy do I have news for you, Commander!

I love how Delenn asks Dr. Franklin if he played any part in the human/Minbari war and he answers even though he clearly looks uncomfortable talking about it, and when he asks her to also answer the question she’s all, “Nah, I’m good!” What was this woman up to!?

The Commander must have an irrational fear of being pantsed or something. Who the heck sleeps with a belt on!?

What is the point of kidnapping the Commander and putting him into a simulation without his knowledge, only to then tell him that he is in a simulation? I feel like it would be ten times more evil if the bad guy didn’t let him know what’s going on, so as far as he knows what he’s seeing is real. Then when the soldier who died while under his command shows up it would be much more of a traumatic moment.

“We have to accelerate the program. Break his grip on reality. Blur the lines.” OR JUST DON’T TELL HIM THIS IS A SIMULATION!!!

“He might start hallucinating.” NONE OF THIS IS REAL ALREADY!!!

This actor is a bit much, to the extent that his performance is getting super distracting. I want to punch him in his overacting mouth!

I’m sorry, but with how many times this line is given, I just had to.

The captain of the Prometheus thought it was a good idea to ram an alien ship too. And you know how that went? We got Alien: Covenant anyway.

Is it just me or is there a ridiculous number of triangles/pyramids in this episode?

Well I guess we’re just going to try and kill the commander in the middle of this busy area of the ship. So much for not wanting any witnesses.

I also know that this probably isn’t the right time for this, but...

What is the Gray Counsel and what kind of long game are they playing!?

Why did the Minbari surrender shortly after captioning the Commander?

What part did Delenn play in all of this?

Three point plan: 1) Torture human. 2) Erase human’s memory. 3) Release human back into wild. 4) Do nothing.

I call this the “cold play.” SPEAKING OF!!!

Earlier I joked about the Coldplay song “A sky full of stars” not being based on this episode, but read these lyrics:

I don't care, go on and tear me apart I don't care if you do, ooh 'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars I think I saw you

YOU DECIDE! Oh, and here’s another super important triangle.

Episode 1.9 “Deathwalker”

The Hour of Scampering? So much for everyone being forced to do things the human way. Guess G’Kar was just a pushover for saying time in “earth-hours.”

Who swings a small wrench with 2 hands? Here, let me fix it.

“Listen, sister. If she dies you’ll rot in a cage til your spots turn grey.” - Wait, is this something that actually happens!?

I definitely thought they just said she was part of the Dill Guard.

Dill Guard. Wind Swords. The Hour of Longing. What is happening!?

I don’t know how anyone can think this whole immortality for everyone is a good idea. First of all, no disease or death is not as good as it sounds, cuz overpopulation. I guess there are planets everywhere and you can build more space stations, but still. Think this through, guys. Secondly, it’s definitely not going to be for everyone, cuz I’d imagine it would be pretty expensive, or some alien races might not want other races to have it, or something else. It’s just not going to work! Oh, and it needs something like the essence of a person you murdered or something to be created!? NOPE.

I will never stop wondering what Kosh looks like under that super uncomfortable looking suit.

Speaking of Kosh, he refuses to participate in this counsel meeting, as usual. What do you mean, “as usual”? Why is he even an ambassador here?

I’m judging all of these alien races and ambassadors so hard. Londo and Delenn’s assistant both won’t vote to have this war criminal tried for her crimes because she didn’t do anything to their races specifically (“we have no right to judge her.” Uh... yeah you do! Judge her hard!), and when G’Kar doesn’t get his way in having her trial on his home planet (AKA he doesn’t get the anti-death serum for his people), he votes no as well. WTF is wrong with all of you!?

Why doesn’t Delenn show up for this meeting? With all the shady stuff involving her brought up last episode I thought maybe she was somehow connected to this woman as well and didn’t want to risk crossing paths with her, but considering the Deathwalker doesn’t survive the episode this is highly unlikely. Was the actress just not available that day? Or am I forgetting/missing something?

This Sun Hawk looks like a poor man’s Firefly with it’s glowy backend.

Someone should legit just put a bullet in her head. (Seconds later her ship is blown up.) Well, that works too. Thanks, Kosh!

Darn it, Kosh! I got to be Team Kosh for 10 seconds before we discover that he is a giant jerkface. This whole subplot with him, Talia, and Abutt (eh heh... A butt) was just to get ammunition in case he ever needs to take Talia down? How did he know those phrases would provoke a certain response anyway? And what exactly can he do with those memories? I doubt he could use it to blackmail her considering it is likely well known that she was a part of the trial of the serial killer whose memories she was remembering, especially since she was so open with the Commander and Garibaldi about it. So the only thing I can think of is that he could use those memories for psychological warfare against Talia. Which is super not cool.

Seriously, guys. So much sketchy, secretive stuff going on. Gimme the answers, Babylon 5!

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Wow, I just saw a giffed version of the therapy scene (at least the part where Dean tears off the kiddy gloves and goes after Sam’s whole life). 

First of all, Jensen’s life during all of it gives me life.

Second: “you just upset your brother so much he had to leave the room” but he wasn’t so upset he couldn’t yell a bit before, right? Also, even though it’s just an act, they tried to give the impression that it was Sam’s idea to go to therapy, but he wasn’t expecting to have an outburst? 

Third: the therapist’s reaction? I’d like to talk about her reaction towards the patient who had just been prodded and responded by getting angry and prodding back. Am I talking about Dean or Sam? I’m talking about the person who stayed so the “conversation” could play out. If I was a therapist, no scratch that, because that would require knowledge of a field I don’t have, if I was witnessing that argument, I would assume, because of their reactions, that this was the first time they said those things to each other. They were communicating. That’s progress, even if it’s ugly. She condemned one of them for doing the same thing the other did, only because Sam ran out of the room (after giving his own shot [btw, that looked like he was overwhelmed by his own confession, not what drove him to it]). She called him out in front of Jack, which has the same effect as a parent favouring/targeting a sibling while they’re having a row. It was a terrible reading of the situation and a not too better handling of it. I mean, “don’t deal with your anger if you don’t want to, but don’t make it other people’s problem”? Paraphrased, but accurate. Also, with that face? And that tone of voice? (I watched the scene on youtube while writing this) Talk about a safe space. 

And going metatextual! She was supposed to be the mouthspeak so the audience. We (or you, I don’t watch anymore) were supposed to listen to her and say “Aha! So that’s what’s wrong with Dean!” But the situation she faced was completely different to what was going on. She saw three brothers whose mother had just died. One of them went so far as to say she hadn’t, but the little one contradicted him.* Then they went in and they started talking and Dean wasn’t cooperating, which is contrasted with Sam’s therapy vocabulary. (”I hear what you’re saying...” “I wish...” “I threw up a little in my mouth”- oh no, that was just me.) Nicely ignoring how Sam is just pushing everybody, first to therapy, then by talking about Dean’s issues before even touching his own, even an “I’m sad that...” (where’s your therapy vocabulary now?) And then, the patient she just saw and thought “this one’s gonna be trouble” is... trouble. He refuses to let his brother puch him to the front line (like cannon fodder) and returns the favour, with the added bonus of acutally taking a shot by not only pointing out that Sam has issues, but by explaining them, making him confront them. Nicely ignore how Sam admitted to having those issues and expounded on the resons for them, including some blame towards Dean (which was weird, because first he accuses Dean of having an easier time than him with her death and then says they had a deeper relationship, like, okay). This also might have left her with the opinion that a) Dean had been a bit of a momma’s boy and/or b) Dean was hit the hardest because he was closest to her. He who denies there’s a problem and might but seen as lashing out. Hmmm. Then, Sam walks out. We’re left with Dean and Jack (who hasn’t talked yet). Well, I’ve talked about what bothers me here, picking at one of the hurt parties only because he’s  the one who stayed. (hey, season 1 Sam!) She thought that Jack was scared of Dean. (I’ll talk about this later.) It all points to something, violence, most likely, even if it might not be physical. This is what she reads.

The truth is that they’re hunters (and the devil’s child) who are there to solve a case. No matter how real some of the accusations and feelings are, they are there on a lie. 

Their mother did die, suddenly, but she got her goodbyes and her resolution, even if the expected outcome of that wasn’t her death. Yeah, it was probably a life where they were all together. Guess what? It wasn’t Dean who kept Sam from that. In fact, he was quite free to go for it, by working with the BMOL. She would’ve paid them attention then. But, hey, guess they decided betraying their values weren’t worth that. (And here I use they with a pinch of salt.) The reasons Sam didn’t have a relationship with Mary were 1) Mary herself avoiding them, at least at first and 2) none of them reaching out except for Dean. Dean and Mary weren’t even on the same side, the way she was with Sam. And let’s not even analyse the last ep, with Dean’s speech (which would supposedly solidify their bond) ending up being about Sam (I mean, if anything, his beef abt being made to take care of him was with John, that was on him) instead of all the ammo the season gave him, then this fight where they aknowledged they were both killers (??? ? ?????) and a hug for Sam and not Dean because (??? ? ?????). Sure, okay. Relationship.

So, they go there, the whole narrative manipulation- er, I mean, Dean being rude and a just plain bad hunter happens. Sam says they’re brothers. Understandable for the lie, but for the audience it reinforces the “we’re family now” crap, which Dean has been rejecting so far, while Sam has been puching, and pushing and paushing at him. As many other people have pointed out, this is him reinforcing the parentification he has already been through, ironically, with Sam, making him completely responsible not only for another life but, because this is a nephilim, countless other lifes. Jack not even being a relative. All this to say: no, they’re not family, Dean wants nothing to do with Jack and, at the moment, probably not much to do with Sam. Aside from all of this, he’s grieving (as the showrunners love to point out). Instead of being allowed to deal with it, he has to deal with the Jack dilemma even though he doesn’t WANT TO, AND HE MIGHT BE FEELING EVEN WORSE BECAUSE HIS BROTHER IS TELLING HIM THAT IF jACK IS SCREWED UP IT WOULD BE HIS FAULT. 

Anyway. They’re not a family, at least not all three of them. The show is already painting Dean in a bad light for rejecting Jack, i.e. the concept of family wich, supposedly, is what the whole show is about (forget actually treating your family well, just collect as many members as you can, right?). Then they go to therapy, where Dean behaves like a caveman despite everything we’ve known of him. They play their act, where Dean looks even worse because the only thing we see as a reaction from him is his “attack” on Sam (see paragraph 3 of this post which is turning out to be a lot longer than I first thought it would be, which, typical) while Sam uses his therapy talk and conciliatory manners and actually gets to talk about how he’s feeling and then walk away and be validated for it. (Which, yeah, if you don’t want to talk about something, you shouldn’t have to. I mean, if you go to therapy, it’s because you know you need to talk about it, even if it makes you feel wretched, so the therapist shouldn’t have reacted like that. Within the context of the lie, though, Sam probably wasn’t planning on and didn’t want to talk about it. Like, I’ve said before, walking out of the room seemed to me to be more about realising what he’s been feeling than what Dean said.) How is he validated?, you say. You mean besides the tragic music going on in the background?, I respond.

No, but really. The therapist’s response is what validates him. (Besides the writers and their manipulation the rest of the time.) Everything from what she says to how she says reeks disaproval. And because she’s a professional (and let’s face it, this sort of reluctance we have about going against a black woman) we’re supposed to take it at face value. Yes, Dean just upset Sammy, completely unwarrantedly. Yes, Jack, a nephilim, the son of Lucifer, who has been shown to be dangerous (even if his intentions aren’t malicious), is scared of him, and that makes Dean such an asshole, because look how tiny and smol he is. (Like I’ve said, I haven’t been watching, but really? What does he think Dean is gonna do?) Yes, he’s angry and taking it all out on everyone else. Yes, he should stow his crap, again, because Sammy’s right, of course, as always. (Btw, is this the episode when Sam says Dean supported him when he was drinking demon blood and everythign turned out okay because of that and not literal divine intervention? Just curious.) 

It’s a method they’ve used before: tak someone who knows more than the boys (maybe even make them more scary because they know so much) and make them say what they won’t admit to themselves or others/what they don’t know/what they should know and the writers/audience wish they could tell them. Does Marie in Fan Fiction ring a bell? (Miss Scarlett in the ballroom with a fucking bulldozer?)

The thing is, what the therapist sees? What she says? That’s what the show’s trying to tell, but it’s ahowing a completely different story, which would be much more compelling if it was the one they were actually trying to tell. Instead, they’re trying to erase it through a manipulative narrative and shitty retconning, which wtf? I may be biased, because I love Dean, but I dare you to tell me where I got it wrong.

*(Btw, Dean’s attitude the whole while? Completely unprofessional as a hunter. We’ve seen him screw up a little [in The Purge, which, btw (I’m using a lot of btw, but there’s a lot to say that isn’t completely necessary but helps understand where I’m coming from when I say all this) was also meant to show him in a bad light textually], but that was going too heavy with the lie, too enthusiastic, and that was when his brother had disowned him. Here he’s just uncooperative in a hunt, which could get them all killed. And so blunt! Tose were rookie mistakes, which we can recognise as such because Dean had to deal with them when Cas and Charlie made them. We can say that he’s depressed and reliving past trauma, but the fact that he’s still kicking goes to show that he’s good at what he does, and this is just insulting him.).

[surveysonfleek]

359.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 5

401. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you? nah, it was definitely college for me. 402. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try? new foods, traveling to places i’ve been, beauty products etc. 403. Which is better: Mel Brooks or Woody Allen? eh, i don’t know either of them enough to choose. 404. When was the last time you were up all night? yesterday. 405. __ is life. The rest is just details. Fill in the blank. such.

406. Are people too complex and different to be categorized? yes definitely. everyone has a story. 407. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as 'outsiders'? it’s great to have pride in your own race, especially if you’re spreading some knowledge about your culture to others. as long as you don’t look down on any other race, i feel like it’s totally acceptable. 408. What fictional story would you like to live through? harry potter i guess. 409. Are cats or dogs smarter? haha idk. 410. Have you ever guessed someone's password and broken into their diary? nope. 411. What teacher, if any, has effected you the most in your life? maybe my art teacher. she was a little crazy but she really helped me understand that i had potential. 412. Are you more easily bored or excited? both tbh. 413. What's the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? traveled 14 hours by myself to dubai. nothing spesh, but it was a first for me. 414. "What's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?" (- Adam Ant) some people would beg to differ. 415. If your man or woman served you breakfast in bed as a treat what would you want? the typical big breakfast: eggs, sausages, bacon, beans, toast, hash browns. 416. What do you do only when you are upset? cry. 417. What's the oddest CD in your collection? an aqua remixes album. 418. What's the best diary name you ever saw? none that i can think of. 419. What would your friends be surprised to learn about you? i watch a lot of stupid shit on youtube. 420. Who owes you an apology? no one really. 421. Who deserves an apology from you? no one lol. 422. How would you like to treat your kids differently from the way your parents treated you? i’m happy with the way my parents treated me tbh. 423. Which do you like best: 60's, 70's or 80's fashion? 80s. 424. What is the worst pick up line ever used on you? ‘do you wna come up to my room?’ ‘no, i have a boyfriend.’ ‘so do i.’ fuck off lol. 425. Of the following, which word best describes you: inventive, kinetic (energetic), light-hearted, mature mature. 426. Do you own a record player? Do you use it? no. 427. How easily do you make friends? it depends. if i’m in a group of people who don’t know each other, then yeah pretty easily. it’s harder for me to make friends with people who already know each other. 428. What is the difference between having character and being a character? you’re not exactly being your true self by being a character i guess. 429. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? anything that stings. 430. Do you care about your weight? yes, def. 431. Did you/will you go to the prom? i went. 432. Have you ever wanted to date twins? haha no. 433. What one thing would you change about high school if you could? nothing. maybe study harder. 434. If you came with a warning label, what would it say? brutally honest. 435. Are you artistic and creative? i’d like to think so, but i’m losing my touch. 436. What were you (probably) doing on this date last year? same shit, probably working. 437. What are you obsessed with? makeup. 438. What was the last compliment you received? i like your lashes. 439. Do you have any brothers or sisters? one sis. 440. Who would you like to be alone with right now? my boyfriend. 441. Do you push people away when you really want them to come closer? nah, i hate that reverse psychology shit. it never works. 442. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? i think it takes the romance and trust out of marriage for sure. 443. Do you lie your way out of things? not usually. 444. Are you better at talking or listening? depends on the person. probably listening. 445. What will only happen to you once in this lifetime? turning a certain age. 446. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible? haha no, i hate that kinda shit, i’ll be obsessed with it for a good week. 447. What are the most beautiful words that have ever been spoken to you? nothing, just nice compliments and stuff. 448. If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)? no thanks. that’s terrible. 449. Have you ever read your own writing at a poetry reading? nope. 450. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers? planning a holiday. 451. What do you do for exercise? a bit of everything. i’ll do treadmill, cross trainer or bike and then do weights. 452. Would you rather have a strict teacher with a sense of humor or a lenient teacher that doesn't teach? lol wtf? who the fuck would choose the second option? 453. If you ever have a baby what might you want to name it? haven’t decided. 454. If you won free tickets to a concert from a radio show and had to choose between Inxs, Poison, Blondie and Moby, which would you choose? omgggg. if i had to, prob moby. 455. Are you a good cook? not good, but i like cooking. 456. Do you prefer when things come with no assembly required, even if they are a bit more expensive? depends how much more expensive. 457. Start a sentence with the words: what if what if i got paid for doing these. 458. Are you more spontaneous and unpredictable or loyal and routine? loyal and routine. 459. What is the highest number you can count to in your head? meh. 460. How do you go about losing weight? eating healthy and exercising. 461. Do you have street smarts? i guess. 462. Do you have a lot of common sense? yes. 463. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? cookie dough. 464. What's your favorite movie that involves dancing? save the last dance. 465. Would you ever want to become a guest on a talk show? If yes what would the show's theme be? yeah sure. idk what the theme would be, anything that i’m plugging. 466. Do you like the way you look naked? no. 467. Have you ever dissected an animal? yes. 468. Who do you know who is brilliant? my boyf. 469. Who do you know who is dull? haha. 470. Do you ever think about time travel? not really. 471. What is one interesting fact you know? you’re more likely to die by a coconut falling from a tree and hitting your head than being killed by a shark. 472. Do you talk to yourself? Do you talk to your pets? only in my thoughts. yeah sometimes i talk to my dog. 473. Do you believe that humankind has a future in space (will we live there some day)? possibly. probably not in my lifetime though. 474. Would you rather wear clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty or more delicate outfits? depends where i’m going. 475. How do you 'live life to the fullest'? taking risks, doing a lot of things you’ve never done before and aiming to complete your bucket list. 476. Are you sloppy or a neat freak? i’m in the middle. 477. Would you rather have a trunk full of nickels or half a trunk full of dimes? half a trunk. 478. What is the worst mistake you've ever made? idk. 479. Are you in good health? not really. 480. Are you patriotic? not really lol. 481. The greenhouse effect is bad for your health. i can see that. 482. There are about as many molecules of air in one breath as there are hairs on your head. crazy. 483. The Miss America pageant started out as a contest in which people decorated wheel chairs and one chair was judged the prettiest. cool. 484. To remove a tattoo a physician can place a small balloon under the skin, which is inflated so that the tattooed skin gradually stretches. Then they cut the stretched skin away. lol i’ve never heard this. 485. Cock fighting is a sexual sport. well, it can be. 486. It is the warmest time of the day during the hour that the sun is the highest in the sky. oookay i think i’ll leave it here unless there’s anymore questions in this survey. 487. Certain scientists specialize in studying cow farts. 488. The brilliant colors (reds, oranges, yellows) across the sky that we get from sunsets are caused mainly by pollution. 489. In Grimm's original fairy tale, Rapunzel is pregnant. 490. Dracula was the first movie about a vampire. 491. The inventors of Corn Flakes, the Kellogg brothers, ran a school for delinquent youth. 492. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo. 493. Sir Thomas Crapper invented the toilet. 494. The Earl of Sandwich invented the Sandwich. 495. Some Chinese alchemists were trying to invent an immortality medicine and accidentally invented gunpowder instead. 496. The human body is made of about 99% water. 497. Bubble gum contains rubber. 498 This survey to the zero power = 0. 499. Most lipstick contains fish scales. 500. There are 86401 seconds in day.

[brigdh]

Reading Wednesday

Color of Love by Anita Stansfield. A Victorian romance starring Amala, an Indian woman adopted by a white family and raised in England, and Henry, a white Englishman recently returned from India. I can't figure out how to talk about this book without spoilers, so if you really want to be surprised, skip the rest of the review. Otherwise I'm going to talk about everything right up until the very end. Despite their instant attraction and obvious suitability for one another, Amala refuses to marry Henry because she's unwilling to deal with the difficulties of an interracial marriage in their stuffy country town. She vows instead to be a stylish independent single woman like her aunt the world traveler, and insists that Henry move on and forget their relationship. Which he does – by marrying her (white, adopted) sister. Amala is at first dismayed, but the years pass and she settles happily into traveling around Europe and doing good. And then her sister develops cancer and calls her home. The sister has one last wish before she dies: for Amala and Henry to promise that they'll marry one another. It turns out that despite their efforts to keep their former relationship a secret, the sister has known all along and doesn't hold it against them. She dies, and Amala and Henry go through a lengthy grieving period, their healing impeded by their resentment against the sister for forcing the promise out of them. They only are able to move out of the mourning period when they finally acknowledge how angry they are at her. Amala realizes that her exposure to the greater world, as well as the inclusion of more Indian people in her life (via the presence of Henry's servants), has changed her attitude toward interracial marriages and she's now willing to marry Henry. Henry, though, now has to get over the fact that Amala broke his heart years ago when they first courted. But, of course, he eventually comes to see that he's still in to her, and they marry and live happily ever after. Whew. I have such mixed feelings about this book! On the one hand, Stansfield does a better job of handling the racism of the period than I honestly expected. She's fantastic at depicting how Amala's isolation from any other people of color has had lasting, detrimental effects on her self-image, confidence, and personality, even when no one is actively being mean to her. Stansfield also is sensitive to how privilege has blinded Amala's white family and Henry, leaving them unaware of much of what she deals with and prone to making mistakes despite having the very best of intentions. On the other hand, HENRY MARRIES AMALA'S SISTER WTF. And yet again Stansfield is so careful and gentle that it never comes off as the sister being fridged for the sake of advancing their relationship! In fact, the section of the sister's illness is probably longer and written with more detail than any other part of the book. There's even a gruesomely long death-scene, with last words and tears and medicine side-effects and doctor intervention and sleeplessness and a fucking death rattle for god's sake, that was almost certainly more realism than I have ever needed for a romance novel's angst. Not to mention the year of grief that comes afterward. I can't deny that this plot point was handled as well as possible, but I also can't get over the fact that this plot point exists in the first place. Now, all of this attention to detail and thoughtfulness might lead you to assume that at least the craft of writing is well done – pretty sentences, gorgeous descriptions, and so. Sadly this is not the case. In fact Stansfield has an odd habit of skipping entirely over things that really need to be on the page; everyone knows 'show don't tell', but this is the worst case of it I've ever seen. For example, this is the first conversation Henry and Amala ever share, immediately after meeting one another: She was glad when he began to talk about the things he’d loved about living in India, as opposed to asking her questions about her own memories. He also talked of the things he’d hated—most specifically the heat and the bugs. She enjoyed listening to every word that came out of his mouth, until the sense of how much time had passed shocked her to her feet. No actual lines of dialogue from the conversation that will prove pivotal to drawing them together! We don't actually get to see these characters fall in love, how they talk to one another, what attracts them! This is basic Romance Novel 101, people: show how the love happens! For another example: Finally, Amala found the courage to break the wax seal and unfold the letter. She had to move closer to the light in order to more clearly see what was written. At a quick glance she was able to see that the letter began with My Dearest Amala, and that it ended some pages later with, All the love my heart possesses, Henry. The problem was that in between was such a beautifully detailed expression of his devotion that Amala kept having to dab at her eyes to keep her vision from blurring so that she could continue reading. When they had spoken in the garden, she had told him plainly and clearly where she had to stand on the matter of their attraction to one another, but she was now reading a genuine and sincere rebuttal to her every argument. It became evident through his words that he knew a great deal more about the issues of prejudice behind her motives than she’d given him credit for. He declared his firm belief that no matter what governments or society might try to dictate in this world, God surely saw all of His children equally, and that in God’s eyes, surely they could find a way to be right with this. Amala was completely taken off guard by how much her resolve had melted by the time she finished reading the letter, and after she’d read it through a second time, she was filled with doubt and confusion over matters that had previously seemed completely clear. One might assume that with such a plot-important and emotional letter, we'd get to read it ourselves, right? No. Those two phrases up there are literally all the reader gets to see of the letter. Similar problems happen throughout the book, though they're more common in the early pages. I suppose with a novel that covers as many years and has as many plot twists as this one, it's got to be forgiven for skimming over some of the details. But then again, it's the details that I most wanted to read! I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. The Age of Comfort: When Paris Discovered Casual – And the Modern World Began by Joan DeJean. The premise of this book is that during a single century (1670-1765) in France, many of the things we consider basic to life were invented or came into use: cotton clothing, clothing designs with the emphasis placed on comfort as opposed to imposing court dress, sofas, armchairs, bedrooms and bathrooms as separate rooms instead of one corner of a grand hall, flush toilets and running water, large paned windows to let in light, nightstands and writing desks, hardwood floors, and more. Part of this was a reaction to the grand magnificence of Versailles – after a day in a boned bodice that wouldn't let you sit down, surrounded by strict rules of etiquette, who wouldn't want to relax in cozy privacy? Another part was simply a consequence of the historic moment: increased trade with India, a newly rich merchant class eager to commission their own architect-designed houses, increased technology in various crafts, Enlightenment philosophers coming up with new ideas for improving "the art of living". It's a fascinating argument, to show how all these disparate things are linked, and DeJean makes her case very well, though I don't know enough about it to say if she missed anything obvious. DeJean has a entertaining, breezy style that makes the book more fun to read than you might suspect. For example: From the start (and the stories about [the Marquise de Pompadour] started right away), her biographers agreed that she set her cap for the king, having been encouraged to believe since childhood that she was somehow destined to become his mistress. (Her will contains a curious, and curiously touching, bequest of six hundred livres to "Madame Lebon for having foretold when she was nine years old that she would one day become the king's mistress"). Describing newly curved seating: And for "those who write" and therefore "spend long periods" leaning forward, [Roubo, a furniture designer] shows how the seat's curves could be adapted to this particular distribution of body weight and thereby help writers "resist fatigue". (I only wish someone would think like this today.) Describing an early toilet: Since it was not hooked up to waste piping, it's hard to imagine how well it performed its function. (In the fixtures he created for Pompadour, Migeon did at least use a wood then new to France, mahogany, because of its odor-resistant properties.) It's a surprisingly quick, easy read, with lots of illustrations and a really intriguing central premise. I recommend it if you have the least interest in the origins of mundane things. The Furthest Station by Ben Aaronovitch. YES I GOT TO READ THE NEW RIVERS OF LONDON NOVELLA EARLY! :D :D :D In this fairly short and light story, ghosts are harassing morning commuters on the Tube, and Peter has been deputized to put a stop to it. Abigail is a major character, with Jaget and Toby playing important supporting roles along with Nightingale and Molly. Pretty much no one else appears, unfortunately, though that's what happens when you only have 144 pages to fill. I was so glad to see more of Abigail, who is totally my favorite part of this novella, and I love how her role is developing: her Latin (now better than Peter's), her odd relationship with foxes, her pseudo-job as the Folly's intern, and of course the question looming ever closer: how to (or if to) teach her magic. A subplot about a new river is adorable, and I can't wait to see where it goes in the future. The writing is, as always, funny and clever and full of odd little facts about architecture and history, with a few moments of surprising emotion. I absolutely love the way the mystery developed – which is why I'm trying not to spoil it here – but my one complaint with the book is that I wish there'd been just a little bit more resolution at the end. I wanted that last thread tied up, even if it is probably more realistic to leave a few dangling. And again: only 144 pages. Overall it's a charming and memorable story, even if it doesn't advance the series's overall plot arc any. Highly recommended, though I'm sure all the Rivers of London fans plan to read it already. :D I'm not sure how well it would work as an introduction to the series – on the one hand, there is that fairly small cast, but on the other there's plenty of unexplained backstory and worldbuilding. It could go either way, I suppose. But if you're not familiar with Rivers of London, get on that! I read this as an ARC via NetGalley.

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