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my-happy-little-bean · 4 years ago

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The Road Trip - Chapter 5

pairings: logicality (platonic or romantic, depending on how you view it) words: 2602 chapter warnings: arguments, alcohol consumption, crying, implied case of cheating on an s/o (mentioned briefly), debating life/death, complex moral dilemmas, talking about a parent's implied death chapter summary: in which logan is, at the end of it all, just afraid.

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*credit to art in this chapter goes to @lemonyellowlogic ✨*

---

“Three hundred thousand dollars.”

Logan averted his glance to the floor. That would hardly be enough, he couldn’t help but think.

“Mr. Owens, I feel as though I do not need to remind you that bribery in the Clinic is highly illegal–”

“Then just hear him out!” the woman cried, clinging onto her fiancée’s arm. “He started his company from the ground up– he dropped out of school so he could pursue this dream–”

“And he’s had plenty of time to do so,” Logan cut her off. “Mr. Owens, you have led a very fruitful life. And it has been approximately three years, seven months, and twenty eight days since your mandatory appointment. You had no complaints then; why would you be unsatisfied now?”

“Because I have so much more to do!” the man cried. “I– I have to get married. I have to have a child, I have to see them grow–”

“I apologize, Mr. Owens.” Logan forced his stare back at his computer, now mentally resorting to the scripted response. “But I cannot make time for those who aren’t happy with the time they have already spent.”

Silence.

Logan cleared his throat. “Now if we are done here–”

He didn’t get to finish. The woman burst into tears, bolting out of the room.

As she left, the man glared at Logan.

“I have done nothing to deserve this,” he hissed. “How could you be so heartless ?”

A pause. Logan continued looking down at his records.

“Are you familiar with a...Samantha Willicks?”

The man’s eyes widened.

“I–”

“Because I could refresh your memory,” Logan cut him off. “See, you have partaken in an affair with Ms. Willicks for two years despite your engagement with Ms. Berks, your fiancée.”

A beat of silence.

“How did you–”

“If you are not going to spend your time with the one who gives you theirs,” Logan finished coldly, “do you really deserve more time?”

The man stared at Logan for a few moments; either perplexed or infuriated. Logan pushed up his glasses.

“If you truly believe you are worthy of more, you can make an Appeal. But I would recommend against it; might as well make the most of your time with the people you love.”

Logan could almost hear the man’s words in his dark stare.

Heartless.

The silence crept across the floor like a dull fog, only broken when the man growled,

“You’re a monster .”

And then he left in tears, leaving the door swinging open behind him. He heard the couple’s frantic footsteps grow more and more distant, until he heard nothing at all.

He sighed as he sat at his desk, completely still; looking down at Mr. Owens’ records on his clipboard.

A monster.

Logan winced at the word, but thought about the woman who had left his office.

They all say the same thing.

...But his mother would have called him a hero.

He stood up from his desk as soon as the clock read 6:00 pm. He took off his white coat and hung it over his chair, then grabbed his bag as he walked towards the door.

When he locked up and began to walk out the back, he took a small glance over his shoulder.

There was a man standing near his door with his hands curled up at his sides. Logan watched as the man held his hands up in front of him, noticing a slight tremble in them.

It was all too familiar.

A hero. He thought about what the word meant as he walked away, murmuring his farewells to a fellow colleague who passed him. He overheard her begin speaking to someone about the Renewal Program—one of many recovery groups in the area that helped those with unfortunate times—and he heard two pairs of footsteps walk away towards the entrance.

He snuck a glance behind him once more, watching the man stiffly walk beside her.

A hero.

Logan sighed as he kept walking; if only it didn’t feel like the other one.

---

The first hour or so was quiet, much to Logan’s despair.

Patton didn’t speak a word to him when the man left. All he did was walk back to the car and slipped into the driver’s seat, despite Logan’s quiet protests. After that, Logan decided that perhaps it would be best to just sit in the silence for a little while.

Patton, surprisingly enough, was the first to speak up.

“What else did you lie to me about.” His voice, however small, was cold enough to break the silence, and then some.

Logan’s heart ached at the impact. He straightened up in his seat.

“Patton–”

“None of your ‘logical approach’ bullshit, okay?” His words held a bitter edge, and the curse just sounded wrong rolling off his tongue. “Just answer me.”

A pause. Logan averted his glance to the floor, staring at his shoes.

“What I told you about my mother,” he finally said. “I told you that I never understood how she could have given up the life she chose; how she could abandon such a gift.”

Patton’s shoulders tensed up. “God, just forget I asked.”

“No, Patton, please.” He lifted his head to look at Patton, whose stare was fixed at the road ahead of them. “Just...listen to me.”

Patton fell quiet, which Logan took as a hesitant agreement.

“I used to be furious with her,” Logan explained. “Illogically so, in hindsight. I was upset that she left my father and I, and that she gave up on a gift that would have allowed her to pursue knowledge. ”

Patton’s hands gripped the wheel even tighter. Logan closed his eyes.

“But truthfully, I was just fixated on the idea that she could have figured it all out. And I was so focused on that idea that I couldn’t see how much that choice made her suffer.” Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if trying to block the sudden memory of her in his mind. “She was so smart and so full of life– life she could have spent doing good things.”

“What she did was wrong, ” Patton hissed. “All of it.”

And then, more hesitantly, he added, “What you’re doing is wrong.”

“It is not a polarized situation, Patton,” Logan said through gritted teeth, pushing his frustration down. “I...I understand that now.”

“It seems pretty black and white to me, Logan.” His voice sounded so suffocating, so cold; like it could freeze the air around him. “I thought you and I were on the same sinking boat. And I jumped with you.”

A scoff.

“Now I am figuring out– not even from you– that you are the only part of my life that I’m allowed to hate. And I let you lie to me.”

“Patton–”

“Did you even think I deserved more time?!” Patton cut him off. “Did any of this mean anything to you? Was I just some experiment you could learn so much from?”

Logan could feel the poison drip from his words. “I–”

“Were you even my friend?!”

A pause. Logan felt as if the ceiling of the car was about to crush him.

In a smaller, more quiet voice, Patton added, “Or was that a lie too?”

Logan’s heart broke.

“Patton,” he finally said, turning to look at him. “You...you are my best friend.”

Patton said nothing.

“I made my choice because I wanted to prove my mother wrong,” Logan continued quietly. “I thought she was giving up too soon — that she was too weak to see it through. But after meeting you, I realized that she just wanted to be human .”

He sighed, trying to keep his voice levelled.

“I know now the things she was trying to run away from. She was trying to run away from people like you; people she made suffer for little to no reason. And when I met you...I didn’t want to run.”

Logan looked back down. “So to go back to your previous question...yes. I lied about having a week and I lied about not understanding my mother’s motivations. Because the reality is that I understand everything. ”

He took a deep breath.

“And I’m afraid. ”

It was quiet again for another two hours.

---

Logan ate dinner alone that night. And while he knew that the diner next to their motel didn’t look all too appealing, nor was 2 AM a very appropriate time for dinner, he at least hoped that Patton wouldn’t care.

But Patton had walked into their room without saying a word. And every step he took away from him simply reminded Logan that soon enough, Patton was just going to be gone .

And so, he ate dinner alone.

When he returned to their motel, Patton was nowhere to be found; despite it being so late. Logan sighed, throwing his key card on a nearby table and rolling into bed.

He stared at the ceiling, feeling his chest rise and fall slowly.

How he ended up here, he was never really going to know.

Similar to where all his thoughts end up, his mind drifted to the Clinic. To his colleagues, it had been mere days since he showed up at work. To him, it felt like it was an eternity ago.

He knew that he was getting closer to the limit of “sick days” a Doctor could take before...well, who-knows-what happened. He shuddered just thinking about it.

Then, he thought about his mother.

He thought about how she was crying the entire way to his grandmother’s house, and he thought about all the things she frantically told him as she left.

“You’re so good.”

“Be different.”

“ Stay alive.”

Stay alive. Logan wiped furiously at the sudden tears rolling down his cheeks.

And then, a new voice:

“Do you think you can have both a satisfying life, and a satisfying end?”

He finally sat up, adjusting his glasses and clearing his throat. He looked over at the time. 2:34 AM.

And Patton was still missing.

He mustered up the courage to dial his phone number, but was immediately met with his voicemail. He sighed; his phone must have been turned off.

He looked around the room, searching for anything that could indicate where Patton could have gone.

As he stood up, his eyes fell on the mini fridge tucked underneath a desk.

It was cracked slightly open.

It only took about ten minutes of wandering for Logan to find Patton.

He sat on top of a hill right behind the motel, sitting beside two bottles of beer and staring up at the starry sky. He had his knees propped up close to his chest, a notebook resting on them.

Upon moving a bit closer, he saw Patton furiously scratching lines into his notebook before taking a sip from one of the beer bottles.

He approached Patton at the top of the hill, trying not to look down to see if Patton noticed him walking up beside him.

As he did, he couldn’t help but stare at the sky, which was filled with an unimaginable amount of stars. If he squinted, he could fool himself into seeing constellations; the way he did as a child.

A few quiet moments passed before Logan eventually looked down at Patton; who, if he had noticed Logan, wasn’t looking at him anymore. Instead, his focus remained fixed on his notebook, scribbling a few lines before erasing them. Then, a sip of his drink. Then repeat.

“May I sit?” Logan finally asked.

Patton looked up at him. A beat of silence passed. Patton then wordlessly nodded, forcing his stare back down at the paper in front of him before they could truly make eye contact.

When Logan sat down, Patton held up an unopened bottle to him. Logan smiled softly and nodded, taking it gratefully. He took one long sip before exhaling, tilting his head back up to face the sky.

“Did you have dinner?” he asked quietly. Patton stared at him, then took another drink. Logan rolled his eyes.

“Patton–”

“I know, I know.” To his surprise, Patton giggled. Hearing noise from him sounded so foreign all of the sudden. “I’ll get a sufficient amoun’ of nutrition. Or whatever.”

“Or whatever,” Logan echoed dully, leaning back on his hands to stare at the stars above them.

“It’s a beautiful night,” he murmured absentmindedly.

“Mhm.” Scribble, scribble, scribble. Logan couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Patton’s notebook.

“May I ask what you are writing?”

Suddenly, Patton snapped the notebook shut, holding it to his chest defensively. Logan frowned.

“I apologize. I did not mean to be so intrusive.”

“S’fine.” Patton sat the notebook beside him. “I’m writing songs.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Patton wrapped his arms around his knees. “Well, writing a son g . I haven’t thought of anything good yet.”

“Ah, I see.” Logan fixed himself into a criss-cross sitting position, drumming his fingers against his knee. “I’m sure you will think of something soon. You are a brilliant musician, after all.”

“...Mhm.”

They sat in silence for a little more until Logan couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry, Patton.”

Patton’s shoulders tensed up immediately.

“I know I have been saying many things that could justify what I have done,” he continued, “but in the end...what I did was unjustifiable.”

Patton scoffed, but judging by the way he was tapping on the glass of the bottle, Logan assumed his words at least made an impact. He sighed.

“This whole trip, you have shared with me your fears and trepidations towards the life you lived, and everything that may come after. And Patton, all you have proven to me is that there will never be enough time in the world worthy of your life.”

Patton’s breath hitched. Logan turned his head slightly and caught a glimpse of tears rolling down Patton’s cheeks, as well as a tremble that ran through his entire body. Logan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I understand that our paths will never meet again after this,” Logan finally said. “But before this all ends, I want you to know that I truly valued the time I got to spend with you. You...you showed me that there is a lot more to life than what it is offered to me. And I will never forget that.”

Silence. It lasted so long that Logan felt like he spent a minute too long talking to a wall.

Eventually, Logan swallowed his pride and sat in the silence, taking a drink every now and then. The bitter taste kept him awake and hopeful.

The stars, surprisingly enough, stood still in their place; even if it felt like hours passed them by. They shone brightly, ever so present in the sky. Logan couldn’t help but wonder, despite his firm belief that death was the last thing humans experienced, if Patton would someday find his home between stars similar to the ones he found himself under tonight. One could only hope.

“I forgive you.”

Patton’s words froze the air around them. Logan hesitantly looked over at Patton to see that his head was tilted upwards, towards the sky. He noticed the tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“Patton, are you–”

“It was kind of messed up,” Patton blurted out. “You...you know that, right?”

Logan winced. “I do.”

“Then I forgive you.” This time, it came out as a choked laugh. “I don’t think I could not forgive you.”

“I...I don’t understand.”

“You showed me a lot too,” he explained, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “I have spent all my life wishing that I could just...not know anything – to the point where I resented people who were just fine with knowing everything.”

He sighed, his lip grazing the top of his beer bottle.

“But you...you showed me how knowing doesn’t have to hurt. And you helped me know my worth,” Patton whispered, turning his head to face Logan. “I could have had any amount of time and I still would’ve thought that I didn’t do enough. But just listening to what you told me...I think I can die feeling completely satisfied knowing that someone thought otherwise.”

Patton moved closer to Logan, resting his head on his shoulder.

“To be honest, you could have been anyone with any amount of time,” Patton finally said. “I will always be thankful that I met you .”

For a brief moment, Logan found himself speechless. He slowly set his hand in the grass.

“Patton, I…” He sighed, looking at Patton. “You’re simply remarkable,” he said instead.

There was a twinkle in Patton’s eyes when he spoke. He gently placed his hand in the patch of grass beside Logan’s. “You are too.”

Logan smiled at Patton, a rush of relief spreading throughout his entire being when Patton did the same.

“Could I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Patton averted his glance to the ground.

“That man back at the canyon,” he finally said. “What was he talking about?”

Logan paused, hesitance creeping back in. He could feel the whole story on the tip of his tongue, but knew that he risked compromising Patton’s trust once more if he confessed.

But Patton’s wide eyes held a special kind of reassurance that couldn’t be ignored. Logan averted his glance to the ground.

“Early in my career, I was put in charge of a...special kind of appointment,” Logan said, choosing his words carefully. “My patient was Virgil Casey; seven years old, and son of Mr. Janus Casey — who you have unfortunately met.”

“ Seven?” Patton breathed out.

“He was extremely ill,” Logan explained remorsefully. “Eventually, he was forced to take the Clinic test early to see if there was anything peculiar going on.”

“And?”

Logan closed his eyes, as if he could painfully remember what it felt like to say the words out loud.

“They gave him a week.”

“Holy crap …” Patton nervously took a drink as Logan solemnly nodded.

“Mr. Casey wanted me to go ahead and make Virgil a Doctor,” he continued quietly. “Of course, no one has tried to administrate the Procedure on someone that young — it would have been unethical science to even make an attempt.”

Logan absentmindedly spun the neck of his bottle in circles.

“Beyond that...it just seemed wrong,” he said. “Sure, testing the Procedure on Virgil could have paved the way to new research on the subject of immortality; if he had survived, then who is to say a baby couldn’t?”

He could feel Patton tug at the grass between his fingers and sighed.

“But...well, I was young. And I swore that I’d go into this job with some morals,” he said. “I knew I wasn’t any God. It wasn’t up to me to decide that.”

Patton stayed quiet.

“Mr. Casey, as evident by our encounter with him, was furious,” Logan said with a slight chuckle. “Which...confused me, in all honesty. Or perhaps, ‘surprised’ would be the correct verb in this case.”

“It did?”

“It’s just that he...he never followed up on the matter. He made no Appeal, he didn’t go to another Doctor. And Virgil...well, there were reports that he died quietly on the day he was expected to.”

Logan shook his head, staring up at the stars and hoped.

“I thought that I was giving both of them a second chance by sparing Virgil of this kind of life,” Logan murmured. “I thought sacrificing knowledge would be worth keeping this man with his son– not some vessel of who he used to be. It was something I knew this child deserved; to spend his final moments authentically with someone who loves him.”

A deep breath.

“So when I found out I was wrong...I vowed never to make that same mistake.”

“Oh my God,” Patton whispered. “That’s...that’s so awful. ”

Logan nodded. “But as mentioned earlier, that must have changed given our interaction today. Perhaps with time, Mr. Casey accepted what happened and became infuriated. I am not sure. But there is not much of a happy ending regardless, I’m afraid.”

(The word echoed in his head again. Afraid. )

“Hi Afraid,” Patton suddenly blurted out. “I’m Patton.”

A pause.

Logan opened his eyes to look at Patton and, to his own surprise, laughed. He wasn’t sure if they were both too intoxicated to make much sense; or if Patton, in his inebriated state, suddenly understood him so much more clearly.

“Yes, it would appear so that I am.” He lowered his head to rest lightly on Patton’s, which was now softly tucked between his head and his shoulder. “I suppose I haven’t been doing a good job concealing it, huh?”

“You just say it a lot,” Patton said lightly. He paused, and Logan could feel him scrunch up for a bit before asking, “What are you afraid of?”

Logan inhaled deeply. The question had never felt so daunting.

“I’m afraid of dying,” he finally admitted. “I know I am a Doctor and I can never die. But it’s the only phenomenon I don’t know. And similar to my mother, I threw my life away so I could maybe figure it out, but I couldn’t.”

He stared up at the sky above them.

“It’s a very human thing to live in fear,” Logan hummed. “And I have been so busy trying to figure out how to eradicate that fear that I’m afraid I lost my chance at...at life. ”

Logan laughed quietly, though it was now stained with a choked sob.

“You can’t take death out of humanity; it’s part of being alive”, Patton said, lifting his head to look at Logan as he spoke. “None of this would have ever happened without it.”

Patton then giggled quietly. Logan frowned. For a split second, it almost felt like he was laughing at him ; at how he cried for mourning the life he killed.

But Patton simply sat up and raised his glass to Logan.

“So, to death!”

A pause.

Logan broke into more tearful laughter. He clinked his beer bottle against Patton’s and took a sip.

The two sat back, falling quiet for what seemed like hours as they stared at the endless amount of stars; which were slowly fading out as the late night became an early day.

“You know,” Patton said quietly as the navy blue sky began to warm up, “I don’t think your mum was running away from anything.”

“Yeah?”

“I think she was just taking a trip,” Patton murmured, finally reaching over to intertwine his finger’s with Logan’s, “and she took her humanity back with her.”

Logan’s breath hitched at how warm the thought was.

Logan then squeezed Patton’s hand softly, and hoped a little more.

“Hey Logan?”

“Mhm?”

“You said humans can’t see all the colours of a sunset, right?”

“You are correct.”

“Does that mean that when we die, we’ll be able to see everything we’ve been missing out on?”

“...I suppose we’ll just have to wait and find out.”

---

next chapter >

#TS Storytime 2020 Submission #gabbie writes things #the road trip #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #logan/patton #human AU

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tessfest-not-active · 2 years ago

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olgagarmash · 3 years ago

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‘My pants didn’t fit’: Travelers checking in at fitness resorts to drop pandemic pounds – CNN

(CNN) — If the “baking elf” hadn’t spent the pandemic whipping up sweet confections, Frances Hohl might not have gained 25 pounds.

But the magical pastry chef — aka Hohl’s 19-year-old daughter, Casmere, who was doing college remotely — calmed her Covid anxiety by baking fabulous creations almost every night: Strawberry shortcakes and chocolate chip cookies and French macarons and lemon meringue pies. She once even made a wedding cake. Never mind that no marriage was taking place.

Hohl couldn’t ignore her daughter’s efforts. Nor did she want to. “Wedding cake is my favorite,” says Hohl, 56, a writer in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

And that is how, 11 months into lockdown, Hohl found herself at Movara, a fitness resort in Ivins, Utah, trekking through rust-colored canyons with sand so thick she was practically wading in it. Her calves ached. Her shoulders throbbed. Blisters erupted between her toes. Still, in the afternoons she did strength or cardio classes, along with massages and other body treatments — all in an effort to take off the pounds she had amassed.

“I just felt so uncomfortable in my body,” says Hohl.

Many people felt similarly after a year spent ordering takeout, bingeing Netflix and working from home — often facing enormous stress, anxiety and depression. According to a March research letter published in JAMA Network Open, Americans gained more than half a pound every ten days of lockdown.

Movara Fitness Resort in Ivins, Utah, was recently sold out 18 weeks in a row.

Courtesy Movara Fitness Resort

And the urge to drop pandemic pounds extends beyond the United States.

Slimmeria, a weight loss, detox and fitness retreat operator in the United Kingdom, has been sold out since May. “I think due to the Covid situation people are taking their health very seriously and started practicing self help,” says Slimmeria owner Galia Grainger.

Caroline Sylger Jones, the founder of retreat guide and review site Queen of Retreats, is seeing the same thing.

“Most of our UK and European retreats that have been able to run have sold out this summer, although everyone says bookings are last minute,” she says. “Definitely people are looking to lose their lockdown weight and get fitter.”

Now that the world is opening up, weight loss and fitness resorts are reaping the benefits of those goals.

Looking to lose the ‘Covid 19’

Hilton Head Health, in South Carolina, has seen a 30% increase in new inquiries since mid-February, with a six- to eight-week waiting list. Due to customer demand, The Ranch in Malibu, California, recently launched The Ranch 9.0, a nine-day experience that adds two days to its signature week-long program. And We Care, in Desert Hot Springs, California, is so busy that they’re considering opening a branch on the East Coast.

Movara in Utah was recently sold out 18 weeks in a row.

“And there’s no sign of it slowing down,” says Elaine Hartrick, Movara’s general manager. “Guests arrive each week talking about how they’ve gained the ‘Covid 19’ or the ‘Covid 25’ or ‘Covid 30’. People recognized obesity as a risk factor for complications from Covid, and they wanted to change their lifestyle so they wouldn’t become another statistic. It was a wake-up call for so many people.”

Caren Kabot, the founder of Solo Escapes, a travel company that focuses on spa and wellness, says people are also looking to rest and reset after a year of confinement.

“They’re like, where do I start? What do I need to do? I say, plan at least one week where you can focus on creating balance in your life while shedding a few extra pounds.”

Fit Farm offers fitness and weight loss programs in Tennessee.

Courtesy Fit Farm

‘It was so calming’

Tiffany Benjamin, 41, took that further and booked a month-long stay at Fit Farm, in Castalian Springs, Tennessee.

“We e-learned three kids and stayed inside for a year and several months, and I just ate and drank and gained about 60 pounds,” says Benjamin, who runs a foundation for a company in Indianapolis. “I wasn’t feeling great, my pants didn’t fit. I hadn’t lifted anything other than a donut box. I thought, just to go someplace to not have to pick up anybody’s socks and to be given a schedule of what to do sounds great.”

Each morning she woke up at 6 a.m. for a pre-breakfast workout, along with eight to 10 other guests. The remainder of the day consisted of five to six hours of workouts and workshops on everything from nutrition to the 5 Love Languages, along with three healthy meals and two snacks. Think adult summer camp, but with cooking classes, interval training and unsweetened bug juice.

The camaraderie was as important as the physical fitness. At all of these resorts guests eat meals together, and work out as a group.

“Everybody was sort of on the same mission, no matter where they were in terms of health and weight,” says Benjamin. “We were there to be kind to ourselves and each other. I watched the sunrise over the horizon. I petted a horse. I went hiking. It was so calming and I didn’t have to make a lot of decisions.”

Fit Farm retreats take place at Rock Springs Retreat Center in Castalian Springs, Tennessee.

Courtesy Fit Farm

Pandemic stress takes a toll

Stress and anxiety are two of the biggest reasons why many people gain weight in general, and specifically during lockdown, says Katie Rickel, a licensed clinical psychologist and the chief executive of Structure House, in Durham, North Carolina.

“Stress, habit and boredom, and that describes the pandemic,” says Rickel, adding that Structure House is booked solid three months out. “All the reasons people went to food was accentuated. Covid also sensitized people to just how delicate our health is and helped people reprioritize just how controllable health behaviors are.”

Jacob Norry, 25, went to Structure House for five weeks in November. A graduate student in marine biology in Fort Lauderdale, Norry has struggled with binge eating for years. Last August he broke his ankle and his weight shot up to 280 pounds. He fell into a deep depression.

“Covid didn’t help,” he says. “I live alone and not having people come over was hell.”

A family friend suggested Structure House, which offers treatment for compulsive overeating, and Norry decided to go. He lost 20 pounds, most of which he has kept off.

“They really help rebuild your relationship with food,” he says. “When I went into Structure House my goal was, ‘I want to get back to 175.’ Now my goal is, ‘I want to be healthy.'”

Participants exercise during a Fit Farm retreat.

Courtesy Fit Farm at Rock Springs Retreat Center

‘We needed something different’

Getting healthy is what brought Laura and Danielle Prioleau to Movara. The mother-daughter duo from Twentynine Palms, California, spent nine weeks there.

“Before the pandemic I had lost nearly 60 pounds and was doing really well,” says the twenty-something Danielle, who is completing her graduate studies in marriage and family therapy.

“But during the pandemic I gained weight and wasn’t really getting out. I wanted to support my mom and make this a joint effort. We both wanted a lifestyle change and were tired of the dieting rigamarole. Nothing was sticking. We needed something different.”

She was able to work remotely; her mother, a comptroller for a non-profit organization, took time off from work to go to Movara. “Being at home, with three kids who came home from college — I was just cooking and playing board games,” says Laura Prioleau.

Laura has lost almost 35 pounds and Danielle has dropped about 30 pounds.

These vacations don’t come cheap. Rates for a new participant at Structure House start at $3,050 for a one-week visit, and about $2,500 a week in a shared one-bedroom apartment if you stay four weeks. The Ranch runs $8,600 for seven days and $10,800 for nine. At Fit Farm, a double starts at $2,399 for one week. Movara begins at $1,995 per person in a shared room ($2,569 in a single) for a week.

But many people who can afford this kind of retreat feel they’re worth the investment — though there are no guarantees they’ll keep the weight off.

Because though most resorts offer some kind of return-to-the-real world program, let’s face it: It’s easy to eat healthfully when someone is cooking for you, leading you on hikes, and removing temptation. The challenge comes when the fairy dust settles and the real world kicks in.

But some people prevail. Hohl lost nine pounds during her month at Movara, and her body fat percentage went from 43.7 to 39.6.

When she returned to Colorado she did the Movara Home program and lost another 11 pounds. (It also helped that the “baking elf” got a full-time job, which cut down on her kitchen time.)

Hohl hopes to return to Movara next February for a reset. “I’ve gotten so many comments from family who last saw me before I went away,” says Hohl. “They could tell I was just much happier and obviously smaller.”

source https://wealthch.com/my-pants-didnt-fit-travelers-checking-in-at-fitness-resorts-to-drop-pandemic-pounds-cnn/

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webmarket01 · 4 years ago

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15 Underrated Weight Loss Tips That Actually Work | Eat This Not That

New Post has been published on https://weightlosshtiw.com/15-underrated-weight-loss-tips-that-actually-work-eat-this-not-that/

15 Underrated Weight Loss Tips That Actually Work | Eat This Not That

Keep it simple, stupid. The polite version of this saying, known as Occam’s Razor, basically says that the simplest path forward is usually the best. You can apply this theory to everything, even quick weight loss.

What’s simpler than identifying your existing daily habits and then making tiny tweaks that can help tip the scale in your favor? By taking advantage of the more underrated parts of your daily routine, you could toss the rice cakes and running shoes once and for all. In fact, a swing of just 10 calories a day—about as many calories as you burn in 3 minutes of standing still—will make you a pound slimmer by this time next year.

So, before you sign up for a complicated diet plan or commit to an expensive personal trainer, make sure you’ve taken advantage of these simple, effective, and underrated ways to strip off the pounds. And to lose even more weight, you won’t want to miss The Best Ways to Lose Belly Fat for Good, Say Doctors.

A striking new study published in the journal Diabetes suggests that simply blasting the air conditioner or turning down the heat in winter may help us attack belly fat while we sleep. Colder temperatures subtly enhance the effectiveness of our stores of brown fat—fat keeps you warm by helping you burn the fat stored in your belly. Participants spent a few weeks sleeping in bedrooms with varying temperatures: a neutral 75 degrees, a cool 66 degrees, and a balmy 81 degrees. After four weeks of sleeping at 66 degrees, the subjects had almost doubled their volumes of brown fat. (And yes, that means they lost belly fat.)

Drinking coffee may help you lose weight and lower body fat. In fact, drinking four cups of coffee daily could reduce body fat by about 4%, according to a recent study. You just have to make sure you’re not using the 7 Things You Should Never Add to Your Coffee. A cup of coffee has nearly zero calories. A cup of coffee with cream and sugar has 80 calories. If you drink two cups a day, learning to take it black will save you 14 pounds in a year!

Go Full Fat

Not around your waist, but on your plate: A new report from the Credit Suisse Research Institute found that more and more of us are choosing whole-fat foods over skim, lite, fat-free or other modern monikers of leanness. And while many health organizations like the American Heart Association still want us to cut down on fat—particularly saturated fat—this full-fat trend may be a healthy rebellion against those decades-old credos, according to recent studies. Click here to discover The 20 Best Full-Fat Foods for Weight Loss!

They’re the best fruits for weight loss. That means Pink Lady apples, watermelon, red grapes, and raspberries. The higher levels of nutrients called flavonoids—particularly anthocyanins, compounds that give red fruits their color—calm the action of fat-storage genes. For example, research conducted at the University of Western Australia found that the Pink Lady apples had the highest levels of flavonoids, antioxidants which are thought to keep the body in tip-top condition.

Steep Pu-Erh Tea

This fermented Chinese tea can literally shrink the size of your fat cells! To discover the brew’s fat-crusading powers Chinese researchers divided rats into five groups and fed them varying diets over a two month period. In addition to a control group, there was a group given a high-fat diet with no tea supplementation and three additional groups that were fed a high-fat diet with varying doses of pu-erh tea extract. The researchers found that the tea significantly lowered triglyceride concentrations (potentially dangerous fat found in the blood) and belly fat in the high-fat diet groups. Although sipping the tea could have slightly different outcomes in humans, we think these findings are promising enough that it’s still well worth your while to fix yourself a steaming hot cup.

Make Every Day Casual Friday

Wearing jeans to work wears away your belly. University of Wisconsin researchers found that people who wore denim to work took almost 500 more steps (about a quarter mile) throughout the day than they did on days when they wore more formal attire. Sure, you may feel more dapper in your suit, but losing extra belly fat is sure to make you see jeans in a different light and feel more confident—no matter what you’re wearing.

Smelling fresh green apples and bananas curb appetite and make sugary desserts less appealing, studies have shown. The scientists suggest this is because the produce makes you subconsciously think about making healthier choices. If a fruit basket on your desk attracts too many flies, try a simpler idea, like a shea butter-based scented lotion, which will have the same effect. (If you’re eating your apple instead of sniffing it, go for the red one.)

Become a Cereal Killer

Does your crazy-busy morning routine leave you with little time to do more than scarf down a bowl of cereal before running out the door? If so, put down the spoon and listen up! Research has found that eating oatmeal is more satiating than the cold stuff and can help you slim down. Since the instant varieties aren’t always nutritional champions, it’s better to use the slow-cooking variety.

Take a Candy Daydream

A recent study found that fantasizing about eating an entire packet of your favorite candy before indulging may cause you to eat less of it. For the study, researchers asked participants to imagine eating 3 or 30 M&Ms, and then invited them to help themselves to some of the candies as a “taste test.” Those who imagined eating lots of M&Ms actually ate the least.

Schedule a Workout Date

It’s hard to squeeze in a workout before meeting friends for drinks, so you blow off…the workout, of course. A better idea: Tell your bud to meet you at the gym. You can socialize, get fit, and still hit the bar afterward. This trick works with spouses, too: A recent JAMA Internal Medicine study of nearly 4,000 couples found that people are more likely to stick to healthy habits like exercise when they team up with their partner.

Host a Melon Banquet

While all fruits are healthy, a handful of them reigns supreme when it comes to frying fat and de-bloating your belly. University of Kentucky researchers found that eating watermelon can lower fat accumulation, while another group of great minds discovered that honeydew can banish water retention and bloating. Spend ten minutes chopping up these slimming fruits for the week ahead. Enjoy them solo as a snack, throw them into yogurt or add them to salads. Watermelon is also one of these 50 Best Foods for Him—in Bed—share them with the man in your life.

While it may sound counterintuitive, eating before going to a work dinner or happy hour can actually take off pounds. A series of studies out of Penn State published in the journal Appetite found that noshing on an apple or a broth-based soup prior to sitting down to a restaurant meal can reduce total calorie intake by 20 percent. With the average restaurant meal weighing in at 1,128 calories, saving 20 percent once a day could help you lose up to 23 pounds this year.

Get Yourself Some Fish Oil

Need a little help jump-starting your weight loss (or fending it off entirely)? Your best bet may be to turn to the sea. It may sound a little unappetizing, but fish oil is one of the best nutrients for the human body. According to NIH, fish oil (which can be consumed by eating fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids such as tuna, salmon, mackerel, and sardines or by taking supplements – whichever fits best into your lifestyle) lowers triglycerides in those with diabetes and heart problems by as much as 20 to 50 percent. That’s not all these fish can do for your figure. Research suggests fish oil can also help boost weight loss by helping you feel full, according to a study published in Appetite.

Make a Breadless Sandwich

In seconds: Lay a slice of Swiss cheese on a cutting board. Top with a slice of deli turkey and a spoonful of hummus or guacamole. Wrap like a jelly roll and eat. You’ll save no fewer than 200 calories compared to your typical lunch.

With ancient grains trending, this one will battle quinoa and teff for space at your table. Native to the Middle East, kamut, also known as Khorsan wheat, is rich in heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids, high in protein and low in calories. A half-cup serving has 30% more protein than regular wheat (six grams), with only 140 calories. Eating kamut reduces cholesterol, blood sugar and cytokines, which cause inflammation throughout the body, a study published in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition found. Kamut is a good source of zinc, iron, and B-vitamins, all of which will help keep your energy levels high so you can burn more calories throughout the day, aiding your weight-loss efforts. Toss it into salads or eat it as a side dish on its own. A quick tweak like that can have you melting fat fast—along with these secrets on 14 Ways to Lose Your Belly in 14 Days.

This content was originally published here.

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stepuptocomeup · 4 years ago

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Various Ways To Lose Weight In Minimum Time

DON'T FORGET TO EXERCISE

A brand new statistic was bandied across the world wide web. This stat asserts that 1 / 2 of those that would like to get rid of the fat do not exercise. Even though this may possibly appear overwhelming initially, it's maybe not entirely surprising, even whenever you cease to take into account exactly what American civilization continues to be.

In the early days of this republic, the vast majority of all Americans did difficult labor on farms. They're accustomed to physical exercise within their regular workday, therefore they really ate substantial meals as a way to deliver them with the energy that they had to finish their daily activities. There was no Oprah Winfreys back to wonder about their own eating customs.

From the 19th century, most Americans began moving to cities to carry factory tasks. They spent their period in his or her own feet. Lots of hurried into work to faculty, therefore exercise turned into an integral part of their regular regimen. They did not need to think about accomplishing strength or Pilates coaching, because everyday daily life afforded lots of chances to work out.

Fast-forward to now. Lots of have sedentary tasks, focusing on machines, functioning in desks, even working in home enrolls. They've got very little opportunity within their job to proceed, aside from wake up and elongate. On the home, they are able to spend their moment out before a tv series, or in the house computer screen.

But, research has shown the optimal/optimally weight-loss-plan unites a sensible diet program with the workout. Undoubtedly, you may lower your caloric consumption. However, it's likewise essential to increase your metabolic process and that's done through a fitness schedule. As you need to burn up a fantastic number of energy so as to reduce excess weight, physical exercise is critical to longterm weight-loss accomplishment.

However, imagine if that you actually don't like a workout? How will you potentially begin a fitness regime?

In Summary, you Require Motivation. This will originate from the selection of resources. For example, you may desire to engage in with your preferred up-tempo new music on your exercising habits. This will supply the bonus that you have to have to be able to acquire going. Still another incentive is to work together along with your kiddies. That could signify performing jumping jacks together with your kiddies, or running at the same time you drive a stroller. You may also think about linking a"Mommy and Me" work out course. Still another winning plan will be to hire the assistance of a workout friend. This may become your spouse, a buddy, and sometimes maybe your own mother. It's possible for you to encourage one another, assisting one another to overcome different barriers to routine workout.

The following plan is always to found your physical exercise regime onto something that you truly delight in. Even these people that aren't athletic will often have any physiological activity we anticipate to, even while it is tennis or volleyball, swing or bowling dance. The form of the task is not as essential because of the simple fact which you're engaging init routinely.

When you, you also should increase resistance training into your training routine regimen. Stretching weights may increase your metabolic rate, inducing one to burn off calories while additionally incorporating muscle mass to a framework. Resistance training may also give you the capacity to safeguard against obesity as well as other medical issues.

You may also think about choosing a fitness expert. They can behave as a trainer, advocating you when you truly feel as though stopping. A coach can supply you with all the inspiration required to reach your weight objectives. In addition, it has been demonstrated that people who hire a mentor achieve their optimal weight quicker compared to people that don't.

You also ought to prioritize physical exercise. You ought to indicate it in your ordinary planner and then stay glued into a normal exercise program. The key issue is always to produce exercise as a normal component of one's own life. It ought perhaps not to be restricted by specific events, or even at instances whenever you're within the disposition. It ought to become regular as breathing.

As a Way to become a Healthful Individual, You only require work out. And workout Can also be helpful to the brain while you start your fat reduction system. It may clean your mind and help one to Do the Job Outside your own insecurities. In Summary, it may Provide you an idea of achievement that'll set you within the most suitable state of thoughts When seeking to lose fat loss reduction

DRINKING YOUR WAY TO WEIGHT LOSS

Are lovers of meal-replacement apps others view them potentially detrimental Slim fast app is its own advantage. You may drink in the run, permitting one to suit nourishment to your active moment.

Additionally, this app is also known as less expensive compared to other dietary ideas, especially non-prescription fat loss programs like Nutri-system and Jenny Craig. Slim fast additionally supplies more amount. Along with all of the different tastes of shakes that it includes, slim fast additionally delivers dieters together with pasta, soup, along diet bars. Overall, Slimfast currently contains a lot more than just a hundred distinct services and products. In the event, you obey that the Slimfast prepare, you have to consume a few meals every time, and three bites made up of vegetables and fruits. A couple of the food plus one bite has to be composed of Slimfast services and products. On account of the frequency by that you are going to be ingesting, you must not have problems with hunger distress. 1 study, in fact, revealed that folks who consumed slim fast within a period of time of this decade were more 3 3 pounds milder compared to individuals who didn't utilize Slimfast services and products.

You Could Have noticed just one of those Subsequently discontinue, you may probably gain the weight back you've lost. But for a long time today, Slimfast continues to be Winning the hearts of the provider indicates no indications of reducing in Abraham revolutionized fat reduction apps with all the Slimfast beverage. As stated by the organization internet site, slim fast signifies a wise means to lose weight. In reality, significantly more than just two dozen clinical studies show the dietary plan is an effective method for shedding fat loss reduction Slim fast is believed to become a more nutritionally-balanced prepare, which includes proteins, carbohydrates, proteins, and also a wholesome volume of extra fat loss.

Still another Benefit into this Slimfast Ever present headphones at the supermarket shop have now been enticed to pick this up. Yet that you are uncertain whether slim fast is going to work in enabling one shed bodyweight. Now you ought to be aware that the slim fast app is thought of quite powerful in the battle fat although maybe not everybody comes in this program.

The app is you never need to be worried about counting energy, cooking dishes, or even finding out percentage dimensions. Slim fast has, in nature, accomplished the meet your needs personally. In addition, you may now select from two Slim-Fast apps: the Optima diet regime along with also the Strategy to get a low-carb way of living.

The provider's site asserts that this app has been an established weight-loss instrument. Dieters experienced achievements in sustaining their pounds within a person to 5 years' span. A spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association also has predicted the internet site"userfriendly " By simply going to the website, you are able to be placed in contact with registered dieticians who is able to answer your own queries. The site also supplies a service group that is an essential component in sustaining weight reduction in the very long run.

Like a Consequence, Slim-Fast gets blended testimonials --from associates of this Not Exactly thirty Decades Past, S. Daniel Certainly one of those Tips of this Medical neighborhood. When Some dieticians Slim fast's aims so far as fat loss is anxious to follow federal government tips. The point is always to reduce ten% of somebody's weight within half an hour, which means one will lose more than just two lbs per week. Slim fast's plan requires just thirty minutes of physical exercise every time, which sounds utterly attainable. Dieters might even be motivated by the achievements reports published around the organization's internet site.

It's possible to efficiently shed weight together with Slimfast depends upon if you really have But there are downsides regarding this Slimfast app. For example, in the event you really don't enjoy the flavor of that food or shakes, you also might discover that it's tough to keep up together with all the meal program. Additionally, a few folks report experiencing famished, even though ingesting the recommended elements of foodstuff. Slim fast in nature, will the significance of you personally, thus, for the large part, you usually do not possess the thought of searching for healthy food to your self. You may also a breaker of this app immediately, inducing to get the weight back you've lost. While slim fast could possibly be powerful for your own short-term, it's a challenging application to keep up on your own life.

The discipline and also urge to keep with this app to your own longterm. If You Begin to Utilize Slimfast to get a Little While, Slim-Fast: Cooking The Best Way To Fat Reduction Means you may drink to optimal body weight reduction. And mutually insufficient. Whether or not the not too distant foreseeable future. Slim-Fast could be just one

A WEIGHT LOSS PLAN FOR THE TOUGHEST CASES

Are lovers of meal-replacement apps others view them potentially detrimental Slim fast app is its own advantage. You may drink in the run, permitting one to suit nourishment to your active moment. Additionally, this app is also known as less expensive compared to other dietary ideas, especially non-prescription fat loss programs like Nutri-system and Jenny Craig. Slim fast additionally supplies more amount. Along with all of the different tastes of shakes that it includes, slim fast additionally delivers dieters together with pasta, soup, along with diet bars. Overall, Slimfast currently contains a lot more than just a hundred distinct services and products. In the event, you obey that the slim fast prepare, you have to consume a few meals every time, and three bites made up of vegetables and fruits. A couple of the food plus one bite has to be composed of Slimfast services and products. On account of the frequency by that you are going to be ingesting, you must not have problems with hunger distress. 1 study, in fact, revealed that folks who consumed slim fast within a period of time of this decade were more 3 3 pounds milder compared to individuals who didn't utilize Slimfast services and products.

Still another Benefit into this Slimfast Ever present headphones at the supermarket shop have now been enticed to pick this up. Yet that you are uncertain whether slim fast is going to work in enabling one shed bodyweight. Now you ought to be aware that the slim fast app is thought of quite powerful in the battle fatal though maybe not everybody comes in this program.

The discipline and also urge to keep with this app to your own longterm. If You Begin to Utilize Slimfast to get a Little While, Slim-Fast: Cooking The Best Way To Fat Reduction Means you may drink to optimal bodyweight reduction. And mutually insufficient. Whether or not the not too distant foreseeable future. Slim-Fast could be just one

GETTING IN STEP WITH WEIGHT LOSS

Are lovers of meal-replacement apps others view them potentially detrimental Slim fast app is its own advantage. You may drink in the run, permitting one to suit nourishment to your active moment. Additionally, this app is also known as less expensive compared to other dietary ideas, especially non-prescription fat loss programs like Nutri-system and Jenny Craig. Slim fast additionally supplies more amount. Along with all of the different tastes of shakes that it includes, slim fast additionally delivers dieters together with pasta, soup, along with diet bars. Overall, Slimfast currently contains a lot more than just a hundred distinct services and products. In the event, you obey that the Slimfast prepare, you have to consume a few meals every time, and three bites made up of vegetables and fruits. A couple of the food plus one bite has to be composed of Slimfast services and products. On account of the frequency by that you are going to be ingesting, you must not have problems with hunger distress. 1 study, in fact, revealed that folks who consumed slim fast within a period of time of this decade were more 3 3 pounds milder compared to individuals who didn't utilize Slimfast services and products.

The discipline and also urge to keep with this app to your own longterm. If You Begin to Utilize Slimfast to get a Little While, Slim-Fast: Cooking The Best Way To Fat Reduction Means you may drink to optimal bodyweight reduction. And mutually insufficient. Whether or not the not too distant foreseeable future. Slim-Fast could be just one

#Lifestyle

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liliannorman · 5 years ago

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New success in treating allergies to peanuts and other foods

Ten years ago at a kindergarten party, Isaac Judy took a bite of a peanut-butter cookie. It tasted weird to him, so he spit it out. Hives soon appeared on his face. His lips also began to swell. When his dad came to pick him up, Isaac was coughing and wheezing. Riding in the car to the other side of St. Louis, Mo., where they lived, Isaac fell asleep — or so it seemed.

When Isaac’s mother saw what was happening, she suspected something more serious. “He hadn’t fallen asleep. He lost consciousness,” Jaelithe Judy explains. After a trip to the emergency room, her five-year-old recovered. But doctors confirmed her hunch: Isaac has a peanut allergy.

Just a few generations ago, hardly anyone talked about food allergies. But over the past two decades, childhood food allergies in the United States have more than doubled. A little more than a year ago, a study in Pediatrics reported that 7.6 percent of U.S. kids under age 18 have food allergies. That’s almost 8 million youth — about two students per classroom. And it’s much more than a childhood issue. Surprisingly, a study last year in JAMA Network Open found that nearly 11 percent of adults have food allergies, too. More than one in every four of them said they had not been allergic to foods as children.

There has been a sharp increase in the share of U.S. children with food allergies in the past two decades.Data from R.S. Gupta et al/2018 and the CDC

These days nearly everyone has “come across a family member or person who has been touched by food allergies, or has one themselves,” says Tamara Hubbard. She works in the suburbs of Chicago, Ill., as a licensed counselor. Hubbard and a growing number of counselors are helping families through the stress of managing food allergies.

For years, doctors have told families there’s nothing they can do but avoid the trigger food — or inject a fast-acting medication called epinephrine (Ep-ih-NEF-rinn) to stop a severe reaction. But researchers are learning more about why some people overreact to certain foods. And new treatments are emerging. Late last month, the first treatment for peanut allergy earned approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Another could do so within a year or so. Scientists also are continuing to develop and test other ways to treat food allergies.

Immunity run amok

Allergic reactions occur when the immune system overreacts. Normally immune cells help fight bacteria, viruses and other pathogens. Yet some people’s immune systems also react to harmless stuff like pollen or mold — or peanuts, milk or other foods.

Such run-ins trigger a release of histamine (HIS-tuh-meen) and other chemicals. These molecules “get the ball rolling for an allergic reaction,” explains Tina Sindher. She works as an allergist at Stanford University School of Medicine in Palo Alto, Calif.

During an allergic reaction, someone may get itchy and develop hives. If the reaction worsens, the person might cough, wheeze and suffer a whole-body reaction known as anaphylaxis (An-uh-fuh-LAX-iss). That’s what happened to Isaac — and to Shea Tritt’s son, Gaines, in Abingdon, Va.

Gaines’ peanut allergy surfaced in the fall of 2012. At the time, he was a baby and his diagnosis put the whole family on edge. For the next few years “he never trick-or-treated. He never went to a birthday party. I was scared to put him in preschool,” says Tritt. “My husband and I had a lot of stress because he could tell I wasn’t letting Gaines do normal things. So we would argue.”

Even Gaines’ older sister got nervous. If she went to a party, she worried about bringing back traces of peanut-containing treats that might sicken her brother, Tritt recalls. Living in such constant vigilance can be emotionally draining for families with food allergies.

Anxious and desperate, Tritt wondered if her son would outgrow his allergies, and how she could ever find out. “I became obsessed with information — anything I could do to get us out of this situation,” she says.

When a kiss can make you sick

Silly greeting cards often depict a kiss on the cheek of a cartoon figure as a big red imprint of lips. For people with a serious food allergy, real kisses sometimes leave the same mark. But it’s not funny. That red wheal signals an allergic hypersensitivity to food residues on the smoocher’s mouth.

One renowned study at the University of California, Davis School of Medicine surveyed 379 people with especially severe allergies to peanuts, tree nuts or seeds. Twenty had experienced hives or other symptoms after a kiss. In all but one case, the kisser had eaten nuts up to 6 hours earlier; at least four had first brushed their teeth.

Most reactions proved mild. But five people developed wheezing or flushing with light-headedness — potentially dangerous signs. And one three-year old was rushed to the hospital to treat respiratory distress after his mother pecked him on the cheek. — Janet Raloff

One day, Tritt saw a TV interview with David Stukus. He’s an allergist at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Stukus saw that many patients with food allergy are fearful. They often are confused because they’re not getting the facts they need. So Stukus opened a Twitter account to spread evidence-based information. Tritt took note.

Looking at her son’s blood-test results, year after year, Tritt suspected his immune response to peanuts was lessening. However, blood tests cannot give a clear “yes” or “no.” These tests detect specialized immune proteins. They are called IgE antibodies. These molecules trigger allergic reactions. But IgE levels only indicate that someone is sensitive to a certain food. They cannot predict whether that person will react if they eat it. Proving Gaines had outgrown his peanut allergy would require an oral food challenge. And that would require that the patient eat increasing amounts of the food while a doctor watches for allergic reactions.

Trouble is, Tritt could not find a local allergist to perform the food challenge. This procedure needs extra time and staff. It also runs a risk of triggering anaphylaxis. So, many clinics won’t offer it unless a patient’s blood results are low — low enough to suggest they would tolerate the food. Gaines’ numbers had steadily dropped over the years but were still a tad too high.

Peanuts: Becoming bite-proof

For about half of people with peanut allergies, “a bite or two of the wrong food typically contains enough peanut protein to trigger a reaction,” notes Brian Vickery. He is a pediatric allergist at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga. For these people, he says, 100 milligrams (0.004 ounce) of peanut protein, or about one-third of a peanut kernel, can set off such a reaction.

Vickery used to work at Aimmune Therapeutics. This California company is developing a treatment for peanut allergy. It is called oral immunotherapy, or OIT for short. The procedure involves each day eating a wee bit of peanut protein — pre-measured into capsules. The capsule dose goes up every few weeks over a period of months. If the treatment works, it can raise the immune system’s threshold for the food. That means it would take more of the food to trigger an allergic reaction. In other words, it’s possible for the person to become “bite-proof.”

Aimmune tested its capsules — or a dummy version called a placebo — in 551 children and teens with peanut allergies. The starting dose was half a milligram (0.00002 ounce) of peanut protein. (One peanut contains 600 times that much.) Over a six-month period, the daily dose went up to 300 milligrams (0.01 ounce), or about one peanut’s worth. And each day for six more months, participants had to continue eating that much.

During the study, many participants experienced allergic reactions to the peanut pills. Forty-five quit because of these unpleasant symptoms. But among those who finished the study, two-thirds of the treated group became bite-proof. After about a year, they could safely eat roughly two peanuts. “They’re still careful about avoiding peanuts,” says Vickery. “But it provides that additional margin of safety.”

Those results appeared in the November 2018 New England Journal of Medicine.

Based on these and other findings, the FDA approved those peanut capsules on January 31.

Similar work underway

Over the past decade and prior to the FDA approval, a small number of allergists had already started offering OIT using store-bought foods. Tritt found one such clinic several hours away. However, that clinic was not willing to give her son a peanut challenge to confirm whether he still was allergic.

Tritt didn’t want to sign her son up for a long, costly treatment if he might in fact be outgrowing his allergy. But they couldn’t know for sure without the gold-standard test, that oral food challenge.

Blood tests can indicate if someone has specialized proteins that sensitize their immune system to a given food. However, these tests cannot predict if someone will actually develop an allergic reaction to that food.jarun011/iStock/Getty Images Plus

She discussed her dilemma with Stukus on Twitter. Reviewing Gaines’ blood-test results, Stukus agreed to conduct the food challenge. Just before Gaines started kindergarten, his family travelled from Virginia to the doctor’s clinic in Ohio. It was a nine-hour drive.

Gaines started the challenge with a “small, laughable amount” of peanut butter, Tritt recalls. Fifteen minutes later, he ate a bit more. Then some more. Over several hours he chomped a dozen Reese’s peanut butter cups. And he never reacted.

The test proved Gaines had outgrown his allergy. That makes him one of the lucky few. Many children outgrow some food allergies by the time they enter school. But eight out of every 10 kids with allergies to peanuts or tree nuts will remain allergic.

Freedom and failure

Gian Lagemann, a high school senior in Saratoga, Calif., is allergic to 11 kinds of nuts, including peanuts (which actually is not a nut; it’s a legume). When he started kindergarten, his mother brought “no nuts allowed” signs to the classroom. She asked other parents to tell her whenever they brought in food — so she could make sure it was safe for Gian. Every day Gian ate his lunch at a designated peanut-free table.

Several years ago, Gian’s mom told her son about a peanut OIT trial. The study was starting nearby at Stanford University. “For most of my life, I haven’t been able to eat things where the ingredient labels say ‘may contain peanuts’ or ‘processed in a facility with peanuts,’” Gian says. “Once she explained that [after the trial] I’d be able to eat those foods, I was pretty happy. I was sold.”

Thanks to an experimental peanut-allergy treatment called oral immunotherapy, high-school student Gian Lagemann can now dig into M&Ms. It’s something he previously had to avoid because its label notes that it “may contain peanuts.”Luci Lagemann

At the start of the trial, his family bought a bag of peanut flour. For about six months, Gian took his dose each day after dinner. He doesn’t like the taste of peanuts. So he often mixed his dose into a spoonful of chocolate ice cream. The dose started at 1.3 milligrams of peanut protein (about 1/200th the amount in a peanut). Over the six-month trial it went up to 240 milligrams (0.008 ounce, or a little less than one peanut’s worth).

More broadly, some 8,000 U.S. patients have tried such an oral therapy. Typically, about one in five will withdraw because of side effects or anxiety. Completing such a trial takes focus and discipline — like playing sports. But, Gian recalls, “They told us with every dose we took, our body was just going to get stronger.”

Participants also learned to expect some allergic reactions. “If you’re going to build your immune muscle against a food allergy, you know you’re going to have a little ‘ache’ during the process,” says Kari Nadeau. This Stanford allergist was a leader of the trial.

Gian felt a few such responses during the study. “My throat would feel a little tight for 15 minutes,” he says. “But after that, it was fine.” So he persevered. And it paid off. When the trial ended, he could eat a full peanut without having an allergic reaction. That means Gian now can safely eat candy with labels warning they’re made in facilities that process nuts. “I was able to try Kit Kats for the first time, and Milky Ways,” Gian says.

Two years ago, Isaac also tried this oral peanut therapy. At the time, he was 13. But his experiences were quite different. During the treatment he suffered sinus and gastrointestinal troubles. He also had an anaphylactic reaction. Six months in, Isaac dropped out. He quit because he had developed an immune condition called eosinophilic esophagitis (Ee-oh-sin-oh-FILL-ick Ee-SOF-uh-JY-tis). The oral therapy triggers it in a small share of people.

And there’s something else to keep in mind: People could lose their desensitization to peanut once they end the oral therapy. That finding was confirmed in a 2019 study by Nadeau’s team. For many people, effective treatment might have to continue long-term.

Other treatments

Some people have taken part in research trials testing a different treatment for peanut allergy — a skin patch. Instead of eating bits of peanut by mouth, patients every day stick a coin-sized disc onto their back or upper arm. Each disc contains a quarter-milligram of peanut protein. That’s about a thousandth as much as what’s in a peanut. (By comparison, Aimmune’s capsules start with twice that much. Over months, patients then take doses that increase to 1, 10, 20, 100 and 300 milligrams.) From the patch, peanut proteins seep through the skin but do not enter the blood. Peanut patches are therefore less likely to cause anaphylaxis than is the oral therapy.

DBV Technologies in France makes the patch. This company conducted a year-long trial of its product in 356 children with peanut allergies. Nine in every 10 participants finished the trial. The most common side effect was a skin rash at the patch site. However, this trial didn’t work as well as the company had hoped. By the end of the study, only a little more than one in every three patients treated could safely eat the “exit dose” of one to three peanuts. The study leaders reported their findings in the March 12, 2019 Journal of the American Medical Association.

Still, the patch has worked wonders for some. In 2012, Sharon Wong was desperate. Her son’s allergies to peanuts and tree nuts had intensified to an alarming degree. Once during a shopping trip, he went into a coughing fit while walking past a batch of freshly baked walnut cookies. At a restaurant buffet, he started vomiting after merely looking at a steamy tray of pesto pasta. (Pesto is made with pine nuts.)

“It was really awful,” recalls Wong. “We cannot control the air he breathes. But we didn’t want to keep him confined at home. We wanted him to be able to go shopping, to go down the street, to go to friends’ homes and not stress about his allergies.”

That year she enrolled her son, then nine years old, in an earlier-stage peanut patch trial in the San Francisco Bay area of California. At first, it took just 1/240th of a peanut to trigger an allergic reaction. After two years on the patch, he could tolerate about six peanuts.

Egg is one of the most common food allergies in children. Research shows that more than two-thirds of kids will outgrow their egg allergy by age 16.denizya/iStock/Getty Images Plus

“We feel more comfortable about traveling longer distances and dining in restaurants with precautions in place,” Wong wrote in a blog about the patch trial. “Each mini-success gives us confidence and improves our quality of life. My son is happier and healthier.”

In August, the FDA plans to review data on the peanut patch and recommend if it should be approved. DBV Technologies is also researching and developing patches to treat milk and egg allergies. And as for oral therapies, Aimmune recently started a new trial for its egg-allergy treatment. The company is also developing an oral therapy for walnut allergy.

Scientists are studying other related approaches, too. One is an immune therapy that uses liquid droplets containing allergens. These are placed under the tongue rather than swallowed directly. Edwin Kim, an allergist at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, in Chapel Hill, led one study of children treated for three to five years with this sublingual therapy. All had peanut allergies. Of the 37 kids who completed the study, two in every three could now consume 750 milligrams (0.03 ounce) or more of the peanut allergen. Kim, whose center has helped conduct studies for DBV and Aimmune (among other companies), reported the findings last November in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.

Additional experimental treatments block other parts of the immune response to allergens. Some act together with oral therapy, allowing fewer allergic reactions during therapy. Others supply helpful gut microbes that seem to guard against food allergies. And one company is developing a toothpaste to treat peanut allergy.

In the end, each family must decide whether to seek an emerging treatment or stick with just avoiding exposure to the sensitizing foods. Treatments require diligence. They’re not yet widely available. And they don’t always work. But if the allergy is unbearable, trying a new treatment might prove worth the time and risk. Clearly, concludes Stukus, the Ohio doctor, “food-allergy management is not one-size-fits-all.”

New success in treating allergies to peanuts and other foods published first on https://triviaqaweb.tumblr.com/

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7men · 7 years ago

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Imagine the boys as university Professors.

Josiah's one of those cool profs you go out for drinks and talk about life with and always has the best advice and the coolest stories and seems to always have a small entourage of bewildered freshmen at the beginning of the semester, which amuses him. He always has a big stack of books and papers with him and loads of book recommendations and there is no maximum word count on the papers for his class. He tends to go off on a lot of strange tangents in his lectures but they're always so interesting no one cares.

Nathan has very high expectations of his students but understands that they're under loads of pressure so he has lots of office hours and will answer any question no matter how weird or obvious it is and always makes lots of accommodations for anyone who asks for them. He brings (healthy) snacks for the students for exams and has been known to give out disgusting hangover remedies to those who need them in his first morning class(after that, you're on your own). He does bring candy with him for exams though. By then, everyone needs it.

JD gets mistaken for a student at least three times a week, which really pisses him off until he starts having fun with it. Sometimes he acts as a spy, occasionally sitting in on his own class and listening to what his students think until five minutes before they're allowed to leave and getting up and starting to lecture. He exhausts his students just by existing because he has to much energy even first thing in the morning but his enthusiasm is also so infectious. His students produce the coolest term projects. They're also all convinced that he has an espresso IV or something, because there's no way anyone, much less any professor, should have that much energy, and especially not for the first class of the day.

Chris terrifies his students into good grades and regular attendance by accident. He once accidentally made a student who was stupid enough to cheat on an exam faint in the middle of it because he looked at them. There are lots of stories about Chris's family life, or lack thereof, and the smart students are careful to not say anything. He's a tough instructor and doesn't tolerate anyone checking their phones or eating while he's talking. He can and will humiliate you in front of the class if you do. On the other hand, if you talk to him before class and give him a valid reason, he'll probably be cool with it.

Vin blushes a furious red at least once a week because he's one of the Faculty heartthrobs and his attendance is always suspiciously high because of it. He makes all sorts of accommodations for anyone who wants them but he always catches someone who's leading him on right away. He has been known to sign all his lectures for deaf students without a problem and make someone confess to a deception with a Look. There is a (very)small corner of the internet devoted to RPFic about him, and he gets a smoking chili pepper on RateMyProf. He has been known to hold class on a rooftop or on the quad for no other reason than it's a beautiful day out and why not?

Buck is very careful about his interactions with female students and absolutely refuses to allow any harassment/misogynistic bullshit in his classroom. He usually cancels class for Pride day/march and has dated almost every non-student woman on campus. He's also the best matchmaker-prof ever and when he organizes the groups for projects and if he bothers with a seating plan that's always the reason behind it. He gets a wedding invite at least once a year for students he got together. He knows all his student's names within three classes of the term beginning and accurately identifies and remembers students from years ago instantly. He's one of the most casual lecturers and often sits down for them.

Ezra's lectures can be a nightmare. He has been known to cancel 'morning' lectures because he hasn't bothered going to sleep yet. He isn't seen on campus until ten a.m most days, and you don't see him without his coffee until at least noon, and does not teach before 9 a.m. He always arrives five minutes late and manages to pack two hours worth of information into one, and does not simplify his vocabulary for students. The only way to survive is to tape them and transcribe them later(there is a thriving black market of his transcriptions/tapes, which he is aware of and gets a cut of, for both studying purposes and... other purposes.) If you fall behind you are left behind, but if you screw up the courage to ask for help he will bend over backwards to help you understand something and help you catch up. His wicked sense of humour and how fast he goes ensures everyone stays awake during his lectures. A grand total of three students have ever fallen asleep in his class. One is excused because they had a long list of reasons going back a week. The other two weren’t so lucky, and have passed into legend.

At least once a month Vin pops his head into Chris's dead silent classroom and makes Chris bellow at him and/or blush (They're one of the most popular prof pairings in the school and Vin uses it to his advantage and Chris's eternal embarrassment/exasperation.) The students are forever in awe of Vin and JD's ability to pull off spectacular pranks that they live to tell the tales of, and there are persistent rumours of Ezra's hand in some of the more devious ones, and his retaliation when someone made the mistake of targeting him. Buck has been known to help organize flashmob proposals for his students if he thinks they'd like them and gets asked for help. Josiah works counselling whenever he can and Nathan volunteers at the foodbank and clinic as well as teaching. Raine is a doctor at the university hospital and sometimes guest lectures for him. Vin's often spotted by observant students sitting on top of buildings as though it's nothing, either marking or reading or just sitting. He knows all the secret passages on campus and uses them to his advantage. JD has resurrected more computers than anyone can count and does not accept 'my computer ate it' as an excuse - he will, however, accept the computer and retrieve it himself in five minutes or less with no deduction in grade. They all have lunch together in a lounge and tend to attract quite a crowd, being the collective heartthrobs of the campus. They also have a poker game once a week, on their own time, and mark in a large group at times so they can moan about spelling/defective arguments/get help deciphering handwriting from each other.

#The Boys #Magnificent Seven #M7 #AU #profs #chris larabee #Vin Tanner #Buck Wilmington #jd dunne #Josiah Sanchez #nathan jackson #Ezra Standish #school #imagine

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thank-you-for-the-vampire-money · 8 years ago

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ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE

Request by @buckyshattergirl : “This is gonna sound weird but I just came up with this in like five minutes. So we all know Jefferson belongs in the mental hospital. He is a danger to society by being so hot and crazy at the same time. And one day reader, who is also completely bonkers, and him get put together for group therapy. Now turns out that they kind of make each other better. And after a few months/years of this they both are dismissed and they go to live together and they try to get custody over Grace and stuff And they try to live their lives as normal as possible but it isn't always as easy. And if you could write this that would be very cool. Thanks and I love you!!! ❤❤❤”

A/N: Yay! A Jefferson request! I love this idea, thank you! Hopefully I wrote it out well…

Jefferson x reader

Word count: 826

Summary: He’s called the mad hatter for a reason, but when he meets an equally mad girl, they make each other sane and whole again… mostly.

Warnings: mentions of crime… I think that’s it.

(GIF not mine)

Storybrooke really took a toll on Jefferson’s mental health. He was barely keeping his head, both figuratively and literally, while he was in Wonderland, but, living in the real world and not having his daughter remember him was absolutely maddening. He literally kidnapped two people, swung a gun around their heads as a threat, and forced one of them to make a magical hat. Who does that?! Not normal people. Not to mention the other things on his crime records: six accounts of trespassing, two accounts of breaking and entering, theft, destruction of public and private property, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and suspected possession and substance abuse. Quite a list.

At this point, the curse was finally broken and Jefferson and Grace had reunited. But, even with his daughter back and his family now together again, Jefferson still felt like his mind was slowly degrading. He felt that he was still a danger to society and little Grace.

With a little support from Emma, Mary Margaret, and Henry, Jefferson decided it was best to get some help. He sent Grace back to her Storybrooke family, the Petersons, to be taken care of while Jefferson was in therapy. He checked into the mental institute, started getting counseling from Dr. Hopper, and even went to group therapy, so he didn't feel so alone in his situation. And that, that is where he met- her.

Her name was (Y/N) and she was the best person in the world, despite her being completely insane. She was very sweet and very kind, she always smelled like lavender and roses, and she had the cutest laugh that was very contagious.

Jefferson quickly became friends with (Y/N). They were in the same therapy group so they knew every little bit about each other; no secrets were kept. They often ate meals together and talked, since they were in different wings of the building and couldn't talk much anywhere else. And, every so often, their sessions with Dr. Hopper overlapped a bit, so they were able to talk with each other there on a fairly regular basis.

After a few months, Jefferson and (Y/N) started seeing each other. They weren't hardcore dating yet, they were still learning to keep their heads and learn to live independently. They weren't big on PDA, mainly because the nurses wouldn't like it, but also, because they didn't need to flaunt their budding romance. This didn't mean they weren't affectionate towards one another. Every now and again they would hold hands or give a peck on the cheek, maybe a hug if they were feeling especially cuddly.

Somehow, having one another, made them heal faster. Just knowing they had each other seemed to calm them down. Because of this rapid, tag-team healing, both Jefferson were able to leave and live on their own after just eight months in the program.

Jefferson and (Y/N) moved into the mansion together and Grace was able to come home to their new family and mostly sane household. They all tried to live normal lives- well- as normal of a life that clinically insane fairy tale characters stuck in the real world could live.

It wasn't a perfect, apple pie life, but it was a good life. Jefferson and (Y/N) danced and played piano together like the ideal couple might, Grace went to school and went to sleepovers like a normal ten-year-old girl should; they ate family dinners together, they went to the park and fed the ducks, they went to movie theaters every once in a while, all like a normal family.

Now, as normal as they tried to be, they were still a wacky clan. Not wacky as is dangerous, more like wacky as in the sense of quirky or unique. Grace and her father would have dance parties in the living room whenever one of their favorite songs would come on the radio, they would have food fights in the back yard when the weather was good, sometimes they would see who could swim in the park's duck pond the longest without getting noticed, weird stuff like that. But, that's what made their life so much fun.

Sometimes, when his family would get weird stares from people on the street, he would think, 'why?'. It's not that he regretted the oddly fun things he was doing with Grace and (Y/N), it just that... they were weird, and he wasn't sure of that was entirely healthy. He once asked (Y/N), "are we crazy? is this too much?". And you know how she responded? She looked into his eyes, took his hands in his and said, "no, it's not too much, we're not hurting anyone or doing something dangerous,". Jefferson smiled a bit at her reasoning. "So what if we're crazy? All the best people are,".

TAGLIST:

@learisa @paranoid-borderline-insane

#jefferson #jefferson the mad hatter #the mad hatter #the mad hatter of ouat #jefferson of ouat #jefferson ouat #ouat #once upon a time #the mad hatter ouat #jefferson x reader #the mad hatter x reader #triple f #Fantastic-fantasy-fanfics

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years ago

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2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 12 Prompt: Nurses and Doctors)

I have already covered much of this topic in previous posts so it's no secret that I have very little trust in the medical field. Of well over 200 doctors I have interacted with through both specialists, medical clinics, urgent care and hospitals there is only one that I have total trust in. Yes on and only one doctor who I trust with my life. I used to have more trust in doctors and used to have the mindset that I trust them until they give me a reason not to trust them because most kids are raised to believe that doctors and nurses are the good guys/girls I had my first experience that I remember with a medical professional at the age of five and they just kept adding up.

Layer after layer of abuse and neglect, four times being dead on their time and three times being so sick my blood pressure registered as clinically dead even though my heart continued to beat and all but one of these times I was not treated by medical personnel, once being revived by my mom in a hospital full of doctors and nurses ignoring my alarms. I have been released multiple times even up to the point of needing ICU level care with psychosomatic disorder labels slapped on me they didn't want to put the work into saving me. My uncle has died at the hands of the medical system from this disease and my mom defied the odds with only a 5% chance of survival rate and more time than I care to think about in a coma and in ICU as a result of a doctor who didn't know what he was doing and botched her surgery then both abused and neglected her for 9 hours after his mistake while trying to hide it so he wouldn’t get caught.

I don’t only have experience as a patient in the medical field but also as a nurse myself. I can't tell you how many times I heard students say they weren't going to do certain procedures because they were gross or uncomfortable like changing a colonoscopy bag acting as if the patient is gross because they have a medical condition that results in something that they believe is unpleasant or undesirable. How do they think the patient with the colostomy bag feels without their nurse making them feel gross, ugly or undesirable. I worked as an STNA where I was raped by my boss. I worked as an LPN at a long term care facility for children with severe to profound developmental delays and complex physical health conditions.

The state recommends no more than four patients be assigned to one nurse and no more than two patients to one nurse in a critical care setting. These patients were total care and at the most I was assigned 17 patients. 17 when there was only one of me and to give you an idea of what total care entities, All 17 were in diapers and needed changing every two hours, with one being on a toileting program meaning every morning she had to be put onto the toilet and strapped onto it with a harness since she had little control of her body and prone to falling off. We were to leave her on the toilet for 15 minutes or until she went to the bathroom and were not allowed to leave her room until she was done. The bathroom connected to two rooms and there were usually three kids in each room with the bathroom being between both of them so shared by six kids. We were not allowed to leave her alone on the toilet but could leave the bathroom itself if we left the door open so we could hear her so we could go into one of the rooms attached to it and change another kids diaper or change bedding but other than that we could not go any further until she was done. She was diapered the rest of the day unless you had more time to work with her later in the day so only did her toileting routine a minimum of once for morning shift and once for night shift. All children needed their bedding changed daily, they all needed a bath every day, clothes changed, hair done, teeth brushed, and some of the older guys we would shave their face if their family wanted us to. 15 of the 17 were tube fed or on TPN so I had to hook up their feeds. The other two, one ate solid food and the other was on a puree diet. They did not eat in their rooms and had to be taken to a group room with a table where we had to allow them a minimum of a half hour to eat. If they refused food we had to try to offer it for at least a half hour. One of the two needed feeding and the other was much more high functioning than the others on the unit so could feed himself, you just had to remind him to eat if he got distracted. All of them had medications, some up to six times a day. None could walk so they all needed picked up and put into their chairs and into their beds, one could craw and if we let her crawl we put knee pads on her knees so she didn't hurt her knees, one could walk using a gait trainer which is basically like a baby walker but bigger, where the strap goes between their legs so they don't have to hold their weight but can push with their feet to slide the walker. 14 of then needed turned every two hours to prevent pressure ulcers, one had a colostomy bag, one had a tracheostomy. They all needed rectal temps daily, They all had to go to the rec room and get some time on the matts daily, 14 of them had physical therapy which we were responsible for except once a week when a therapist worked with them

Therapy for 10 of them dealt with button training where a button as connected to a toy, TV, radio etc. and they had to press the button with their hand or head to get the TV to change or toy to light up or play music and what not. They did their therapy until either they pressed the button on their own ten times or a half hour had passed, whichever came first. One would get in her walker and needed us to guide her to take at least one lap around the unit in her walker, the other did the toileting program and we worked with her on using a modified form and spoon to eat herself, 6 of them did sucker therapy which essentially we would hold a sucker for them to lick in hopes to improve their swallowing skills and build up their saliva so hopefully one day they could get off the feeding tube or be less reliant on it, able to eat some puree or possibly one day solid foods. One we worked with his fine motor skills to have him pick things up but he was easy when it came to this because we could do it throughout the day so if I was changing him I could ask him to hold the clean diaper for me or a wipe or two and while I gave him a bath I could have him hold his tooth brush or comb or his deodorant so that I could combine with a lot of other routines but it helped him with both being able to grasp things and to learn to release his grasp at appropriate times.

11 of them worked on eye gaze to relay their needs so instead of just grabbing clothes and putting them on them we had to pick out at least two shirts, two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks etc. and ask them which one they wanted to work on eye gaze for them to tell us which they wanted. The highest functioning one was learning to use a power chair at the time so we had to follow him with a kill switch and joystick so we could make sure he didn’t run into anything or if we needed to turn the chair so he didn't hit the wall etc. he was also working on menu training where we could give him a picture menu for him to choose what he wanted for his next meal starting with two options for a main dish, like chicken nuggets or mac and cheese, two options for a side dish like cheese slices or apple sauce, two options for a second side like green beans or corn and two options for a dessert such as chips which were more like cheese puffs in different flavors or a cup of ice cream and eventually add more and more options Two of them were labeled as combative which I never had an issue with even once as I also majored in interpreting and learned very quickly that one was combative because he was the only one who could talk but some had trouble understanding him so he got frustrated kind of like a child in their terrible twos who is frustrated because people may not understand their speech, the other was deaf blind and no one worked with her on any kind of sign language or gesturing. As you can see, this is way way too much for one person to take care of.

Now to make things worse, I felt as if I was the only nurse who had any ethics. I felt horrible for these kids because they basically just sat them in front of a tv all day. They had an accessible playground outside which I had never once seen used because they hired so few staff that you didn't have extra time. We had four nurses on our unit which had, if I remember right 23 kids in our unit which doesn't sound too bad but we rotated days off with one weekend off a year so only three people were there at any given time. When someone took a week off we had two of us. Some went to day programs so during the week we usually had around six to 8 residents. On holidays such as the day I had 17 kids I was the only one and there. Two of them took Easter off and one already had that day already off and the boss let this happen. 6 of the kids, their parents took out day passes and took them home for Easter thankfully because I don't know what I would have done with another six kids.

This being said they didn't hire enough people so if someone from another unit called off they would take someone from another unit. The unit I worked on had the most severe children. There were other units that had the ones with moderate disabilities so could do things like brush their teeth, sit up, feed them self and just needed care like bathing, transferring them into their chairs, making sure they didn't get in trouble or fight with other kids, change their diapers or help them change their own or help them toilet themselves or care for catheters so they were a lot easier. There was another unit where most of the kids only had mild delays and basically just needed the staff to work with them on daily living skills like cooking and making sure they shut off the stove, go for walks with them to make sure they didn't get lost or walk up to strangers etc. they had another unit that was all babies two and under so though some of them had pretty advanced delays its a lot easier to pick up or change a 2 year old's diaper than it is a 19 year old's diet. Staff was an issue.

Now for lazy staff. I felt like the only one who actually worked and took a lot of the kids under my wing even if they weren't mine. When the “nurses just play cards thing” came out on tv I couldn't help but laugh because we had one nurse in charge of the most critical patient on the ward. He had no brain and only a brain stem. With a brain stem only your most basic body functions are controlled like breathing, heart rate, kidney function to produce urine and heating and cooling. You can't make pictures of images seen by your eyes so it’s pure darkness, you can't make meaning of sounds you hear so pure silence, cannot register a sense of touch or feeling, no voluntary movements etc. This being said he was hooked to monitors that were linked to a pager to alert his nurse to know if he stopped breathing or his heart stopped and you would need to rush in and do a sternum rub or sometimes CPR on him. This would happen anywhere from a few times a week to on and off all day. He literally would die over and over and over again so we had to be quick to revive him each time.

His nurse was notorious for taking off her pager and laying it in his bed, on his night stand, at one of the computer kiosks for logging, in the rec room etc. and then just going off and playing cards with another staff member. His door had a light and alarm too but it was really quiet which was a big reason the nurse had a pager. If they were busy changing another kid or something, they could yell for someone else because yelling was even louder than the door chime but she did this so much, I got to be like a new mother with a newborn baby where I could hear the ding of his light from a mile away because I knew if I didn't revive him she sure as heck wouldn't we had a room with three boys in it, an 8 year old, a 10 year old and an 11 year old. They were non verbal and there were two nurses who would run into that room and drop their pants and moon each other.

Most of the staff would skip bathing kids for sometimes days on end and just mark it on their charts that they had been bathed. This was especially so for the kids whose families lived out of state or kids who were property of the state and had little to no visitors. These kids were neglected to the fullest. Left in dirty diapers, had physical therapy skipped, were not rolled as much as they should be including one that got MRSA. If one of their family members showed up unexpectedly it would be like all hands on deck, they would call all of the nurses to their room while the receptionist lied to the parents saying they were in therapy or still in the bath or something and have two nurses yanking their clothes off throwing them in the tub to try to scrub them down one getting their clothes and changing their bedding changed, room cleaned, aids in there with mops mopping the floor and cleaning up the other kids in the room, changing their diapers, washing their faces and doing their hair, opening curtains, organizing stuff that's laying all over the place all in about ten minutes flat to try to make it look like their kid was taken care of the whole time. It was called “all men on deck” when this happened, they would even call people from other units for this so it's like we magically went from no staff to a ton of staff for ten minutes only.

The same thing happened when they got a call from the health inspectors. All blankets got pulled out of the closet because they weren't allowed in the closet with sterile items, no one was allowed to take off but they took half the staff and assigned them to cleaning, moving meds to the appropriate storage area, removing cleaning chemicals from the same area as the fluids and cartons of ensure and tube feed. They had so many violations it wasn't funny but knew exactly what needed fixed or removed before the health department and medical board visits. They had extra stuff they shoved in staff members' trunks of their car, in offices and all kinds of hiding spots then would just move it all back after they passed and it was over. I don't know why they never came unannounced. The nurse who used to leave her pager laying around didn't like me at all and would go into my kids rooms after I walked out and drop the bed rails on my kids beds to try to get me fired.

During my training they put me with a resident who was very sick. She had what they thought was the flu. She had a trach so couldn't control her cough which came right out of her tracheostomy, really bad diarrhea, a fever most of the first week I was there, the whole nine yards of being sick. Well after training I got sick but they had a one month probationary period in which you were not allowed to miss any days in that time and they said if you were sick you had to be checked out by one of the NP’s who would take your temperature and assess you to determine if you are healthy enough to work or not and only if they determined you were too sick were you allowed to take off during your probationary period. Well I got worse and worse and ended up developing pneumonia. So like her was hacking up a lung. I woke up with a temp of 103 and by the time I got to work my temp was 103.8.

I saw the NP and showed her the paperwork from urgent care where I had been diagnosed with pneumonia and stated my concern about spreading it to my kids who were all immunocompromised and high risk. The NP said I would be fine and told me to just wear a mask. I put on a mask and went to work. They gave me a ton of kids that day too, I want to say I had 12 that day so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, getting dizzy spells and I could feel my fever exploding. I could feel sweat running down my back and chest and kept having to wipe the sweat off from my face. I literally felt like I was going to fall over and die running around, lifting teenagers, and rushing around to try to keep up which was nearly impossible because of short staff anyhow. Well I started overheating and coughing so badly that I had to take off to a bathroom in the hall and started throwing up and was struggling to breathe from all of the mucus and feeling like my airway and sore throat was swollen up and totally full of mucus. My boss came in while I was throwing up and said “why aren't you out there doing your job. Of course I’m there in the stall hanging over the toilet with all the sound effects of my vomiting, coughing and wheezing and told her I was sorry but I have pneumonia and got too hot. She said “well you need to come out here and do your job and throw up on your own time” Yes she told me to throw up on my own time. I said what because I was throwing up and thought I misunderstood her and she said “I need you to throw up on your own time” like you can control something like that and as if they hadn’t trained me on a patient who was sick and very contagious earlier that month. She told me if I didn't get out there then she would be writing me up and if you get a writeup during your probation time you will lose your job; then she left.

About two minutes later I got to a point where I thought I may be able to make a run for the supply closet which was right across from the bathroom, ran over there and grabbed some of their mini garbage bags that go into the little feminine care product trash cans and spent the rest of the day, working and running around the corner into the patients bathrooms to throw up in the bags and throwing them into the hazmat containers. I felt terrible with my patients having to listen to me throwing up right beside them but the boss wouldn't let me go to the bathroom or go home saying I wasn't too sick to take off even throwing up about 15 more times throughout the day and so dizzy I had no idea how I didn't pass out in front of any of my kids. When I went home that day, I took my temperature and it was 105.2. And that was with taking fever reducing medication while at work. After lying down a while it went down to 104.8 and I had the next two days off thankfully but by the next morning I was in the hospital passing out over and over again, having trouble breathing and under rapid cooling protocol having cool IV fluids pumped into me, wet towels put on me, ice packs layered around me benign told by the staff that any job that makes you work when you're that sick isn't worth keeping and how they would have just walked out.

I still hadn't been there long, almost three months, when I went to the linen closet with the towels, wash cloths, chux etc. and it was totally empty except for one wash cloth so I went to the manager filling in for mine who was on maternity lead and told her the linen closet needed restocked. They never told me what to do in this situation so I didn't know if we had a number to call down to laundry for them to bring it up, had to send an aid down to bring up a cart of clean linen to restock the closet or it was our responsibility to go down and get a cart full of clean linen and stock the closet. There was no list of phone numbers by the phone or anything because I checked before I asked the manager and when I asked she was in the rec room full of children with intellectual and physical disabilities. I told her the closet needed restocked and asked if there's a number I need to call for more, if I go get it or how that works telling her no one had told me how this works when I started. She looked at me like I was a total idiot and said “I see we have another retard in here as if we don't already have enough!” right in front of those kids. Enough was enough at that point and at the end of the day I said I wasn’t coming back.

I bawled my eyes out having to leave that job because those kids became like your kids and the care they got was god awful. They deserved a lot more than lying in a bed in front of a tiny tv all day. The other nurses didn't even meet their most basic needs leaving them in overflowing diapers, I can't tell you how many mornings I walked in after second shift left to find dirty diapers laying in the kids beds including one that my residents knee was laying in because they couldn't even throw away a dirty diaper. Basic needs like personal care, rolling them and the needs to sustain life and keep them safe weren't even met but kids have many more needs than just those most basic ones.

There was a playground that was never once used. They had no volunteers or staff to take them out of their rooms for a walk, to take them to the play room and actually play with them, hold crayons in their hands and help them color or finger-paint with non toxic or edible finger paints, do things with the teens that most teens take for granted like painting their nails, reading them books, bringing around therapy animals or even having an in house therapy animal. They just left them in their beds or laying on the floor on a mattress pretty much all day and all night which isn't a way for a child to live regardless of their cognitive function. That job took everything I had to give and gave me almost a try to save the world mindset because I wanted these kids to have the lives they deserved.

There was even one of the kids labeled as combative who was deaf/blind who I really connected with who I looked into adopting. The other staff couldn't stand her, literally ripping through her hair, yanking her neck back, forcefully ripping her hands off of them, basically tossing her into her chair. Some of these nurses were physically abusive with her because she was basically just really grabby and it made them mad. I realized the actual problem is that she was Deaf/Blind and they would literally just grab her and do whatever they wanted to. She was scared. She didn't know who was grabbing her or what they were doing so would grab for the hands and face to try to figure out who had a hold of her. Everyone used to ask me why she wasn't grabby with me yet no one took my advice. I told them they had to let her know who they were and what they were doing. Let her touch their face and hands to know who was there and touch is totally normal. It was just grabbing because she would be in a panic but she would be very gentle if you took things a little slower and gave her a chance. I would go into her room and instead of just yanking her up out of bed, I would tap her on the arm or sometimes just sit down on her bed and she would feel the movement and move her hands around to try to find it so I would put my hand by one of her hands so she grabbed my fingers then move her fingers toward my face so she could find my face and feel it. A lot of the staff thought it was gross because she put her fingers in her mouth but we knew her medical break down and a little spit wasn't going to kill anyone. That's what baby wipes are for but I would let her feel my face so she knew who I was and she would calm down once she realized it was me.

If I was going to put her in her wheelchair I would tactile sign the word chair then pull her chair up to her bed and guide her hand over to it and put it on the wheels so she could feel it. If I picked her up, I would put my arms under her like I was going to pick her up but not actually lift her for about three seconds so she got used to knowing if I slid my hand behind her back and under her legs that I was about to pick her up and put her in her chair which she had already felt. If she needed a bath most of the staff threw her clothes in the bathroom and got the water going and stuff. Then yank her up and carry her in the bathroom with her having no idea what was going on. I would first put her in her chair and take her in her chair into the bathroom because once I put her in her chair and signed a bath I could get her clothes and diaper and such and sit it on her lap so she could feel them and realize that she was about to change clothes or take a bath. I would then wheel her into the bathroom and the tub had a sprayer and it was a wet room so if you got the floor wet it had a drain and didn't hurt anything. I would take her clothes from her and set them on the counter and then turn on the water to the right temperature and bring the sprayer down. If I touched her hand she would usually grab my fingers and I would pull her arm out to the side and put her hand under the water so she could feel it with her hand and knew she was going to take a bath. I put the hose in the tub basin and signed the bath again. Put my hand behind her back and under her knees again giving her a second for it to register that I was going to pick her up again, lift her and put her in the tub which was basically like lounge chair, take her clothes off starting slowly with her socks instead of a large piece of clothing that was more shocking then after taking her socks off moved to the larger pieces of clothing. When I went to spray her to get her wet I again put her hand under the water and then moved the sprayer slowly up her arm so she knew she was going to get wet, bathed her and dressed her.

If I changed her I would sign the diaper and give her the diaper to hold before taking her pants off or anything so she knew she was going to get a diaper change. Once I took off her pants, before removing her diaper I would get one baby wipe and put it in her other hand so when I took the diaper off she knew when I took the wipe away from her that she was about to feel the cool whip. If I did her hair, I would give her a comb and brush to hold and would take whatever one I needed at the time out of her hand and to make things easier, I actually taught myself how to French braid on her hair because French braiding it kept it from getting tangled and matted so combing out her hair wouldn't be so traumatic for her, especially when another staff member had her but she was really a very easy and laid back kid just very much misunderstood which is why I requested her as my permanent. I actually took the two kids on the unit that no one wanted and they were both great kids and I just don't understand how a medical facility can operate with such ignorance. So though it was hard to leave I feel like I made the best decision. When I left I called Children's Services, Our county's Department of Developmental Disabilities, The Medical Board and the Health Department hoping that even though I had to leave, the lives of those children would improve.

I have had many negative experiences with other medical workers both as a patient and as a nurse. There are so many unethical, abusive and neglectful medical personnel so I no longer live by the mindset that all medical personnel is good unless they prove otherwise, realizing just how rare good doctors, nurses and other medical personnel are to come by and now believe that they are all bad and have zero trust in them unless they can prove otherwise. It's very difficult and takes a very long time for medical personnel to gain my trust. I’ve had this trust for too many in the past who let me down so now that trust has to be gained over a long period of time. As I mentioned before, I have one doctor I have trust in and his name is Dr. Joseph. It took him almost two years to gain that trust and this is a doctor I see every two weeks so I have seen him more in two years than I see most doctors in ten years if this puts into perspective how long it takes to trust a doctor. Trust isn't something a lot of EDS patients have in the medical field but many have experiences similar to mine so it’s easy to understand why.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

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splashrollstumble · 6 years ago

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Africa Cycle Tour – Zambia

The Road to Livingstone

We left the odd little guesthouse we were staying in and cycled off back into Kazangula. The town appears to exist purely as a means to serve the thousands of truck drivers waiting to enter Botswana. As we weaved our way through the hundreds of trucks and up the main street, we saw a chicken shop that might be able to refill our bottle waters. The staff was friendly enough to do so, and as we waited, we got chatting to a truck driver sitting nearby. He said he would usually wait five days to get through the border, sleeping in his truck the entire time!

With our water topped up, we cycled up to the turn off onto the main road to Livingstone. I immediately noticed the change in vegetation and landscape. We were only a few hundred meters from Botswana but it was far greener and more hilly here, just from being on the other side of the Zambezi river.

The road was quite busy with trucks going both ways from the border. It didn’t have a particularly decent shoulder, so we were forced to move off every few minutes and had to listen out for trucks coming from behind. Although the hills were an added effort, it was a nice change from the long flat roads of Botswana.

Upon arrival in Livingstone, we went straight to Jolly Boys backpackers, checked in grabbed a beer and chilled by the pool. It was full of all these blonde Norwegian girls on some kind of tour but they spoke little English and were less social than we hoped.

We did, however, meet a group of about ten other people who were going to a fancy riverside bar for happy hour, so we joined them. In the taxi on the way one of the guys, Ashley, recognized my voice and he turned out to be an Aussie guy I had met exactly two years ago in Pai, Thailand – what a bizarre and incredible coincidence!

We got chatting over many half-price cocktails and beers and caught up on what we had been doing since. He told me he is working in Canada and well, I’m obviously still travelling. We all watched a beautiful sunset over the river, got drunker and then headed back home around 11 pm.

The following few days, Romain and I explored Victoria Falls and spent some time relaxing by the hostel pool. I also went into Zimbabwe just for one night to party with Ashley and his friend and came back at 6 am. Romain and I were meant to catch a bus to Lusaka but delayed it for one day as he had met a girl. Eventually, we headed off to Lusaka where we would continue the cycle to Malawi.

Lusaka

In Lusaka, I had my first robbery of the trip. When getting off the bus and collecting our bikes out from underneath, I put my brand new flask down for a second and it disappeared. It was annoying because it was new but at least it was just a flask and nothing serious. We camped that night at a cheap campsite nearby and I got some work done on their dodgy wifi. While sitting on one of the sofas in the chill area I got badly bitten by fleas all over my legs and arms, which was annoying but fairly common in Africa I guess.

The following day my laptop was acting weird and not charging. I feared that it had finally broken for good after two years and I’d need to buy a new one. We headed to the nearby mall to investigate options but everything was too expensive, so we just had pizza and then headed back. By now it was too late to start cycling, so we booked in another night at the campsite and fortunately my laptop had magically started charging again.

We met some guys from the campsite and an older couple who had traveled to 80 counties in 11 years in an old 4×4. Initially, they meant to only do a one month trip to South America and just never stopped.

Cycling to Malawi

We were finally ready to cycle off to Chipata on the Malawian border after a week off the bikes. We got up early and after some coffee and breakfast, headed off. As the city faded away around us, lots of quaint Zambian villages started popping up with typical African style huts.

We stopped for some lunch of fat cakes and cold drinks at a small roadside shop and then cycled on through more and more villages as the countryside grew more beautiful around us. Just as evening was descending we bumped into another French cyclist coming in the opposite direction. He was very excited to see us and especially to speak French with Romain.

They chatted for about 15 minutes during which time Romain picked up some tips and info about the road ahead and Malawi. After we continued it soon started to get cloudy and fearing a storm might come we decided to ask about camping at a nearby clinic. The caretaker who lived on site kindly said we could camp in his garden and showed us where to get water from a borehole.

We set up camp and I did some work while Romain cooked dinner. We went to bed just before a thunderstorm split the skies and crashed down upon us.

Luangwa Bridge

We awoke early and did our best to dry our tents in our host’s back garden while having a few cups of coffee and some boiled eggs. We set off a bit later than usual because of drying the tents and it was already quite hot by the time we got going.

Stopping for lunch around 1pm, we ate nshima and chicken – a local staple that costs around $1 usually. It’s not bad although often a bit dry and chewy and usually without enough sauce. Still good value for money. Towards about 4 pm we saw a sign for ‘cold beer’ so pulled over and found a nice restaurant/bar. The owner came and chatted to us and was very friendly but kept saying he needed an investor to help build to his guesthouse. I told him I’m saving up to buy a new tent to live in so can’t help much, but I gladly supported him by buying two beers.

We were considering camping there but decided rather to head off and see if there was somewhere on the roadside up ahead. Very soon we hit a huge hill and had to cycle up quite a steep gradient for a few kilometers. Eventually, near the top of the pass, we found a boarding school and as usual, they were very accommodating. They showed us a nice covered concrete sitting area where we could camp and told us we could use the toilets and refill water. It was a very comfortable night and I managed to do more work although the cell connection was getting weak now as we got further from civilization.

That night it didn’t rain and we managed to get going early at around 7 am. After coffee and some biscuits, we set off towards Luangwa Bridge Market where we planned to stop for lunch. The roads were becoming considerably more tough, winding along between valleys and hills.

We arrived at Luangwa Bridge by lunch just as the heat was becoming unbearable. Unfortunately, the lack of electricity means none of the makeshift roadside restaurants have fans, so we tried our best to enjoy some food and a beer in the blistering heat. The hustle bustle of the African market surrounded us, with the sounds of competing music, sputtering food and the occasional argument filling the air.

Fortunately, one store used solar panels to keep its drinks cold and we managed to find a shady spot to cool down and relax. After about two hours we were ready to continue, although to be honest, I was ready to call it a day since it was so hot. The cycle down the hill to the bridge cooled me down a bit but it didn’t last long as we had a big climb out of the valley after.

Villages and Rural Clinics

The road continued up in a winding fashion and we passed the rusted, twisted chassis of an old truck wreck. It was a sobering reminder to watch for dangerous drivers. The further we went into rural Zambia the more children appeared from villages along the roadside. They would all come running towards us shouting “How are you? How are you?” repeatedly, which must be the first thing they learn in English. It was quite cute and eventually I learnt to reply “Fine, how are you?“ – anything else they wouldn’t understand.

As evening approached, we pulled up to a rural health clinic and decided to once again ask about camping. They were also accommodating and even offered to give us a room in the women’s shelter which turned out to be two rows of very rough, rundown rooms full of insects. They very kindly cleaned them out a bit but we still ended up pitching our tents inside to avoid mosquitos. I then investigated my bike and found the source of all the ants that had been crawling all over it the entire day. There was a small colony of ants which had made a home in a screw hole of my handlebar bag. I sprayed them with peaceful sleep, mourned the passing of my adopted children and then cleaned their corpses out with a stick.

While making dinner an I asked the security guard if there is anywhere I could get some drinks. I was hoping for beer but figured it’d probably be unlikely in a health clinic. Anyway, he took me down the road to a tiny village shop which had cooldrinks and small bottles of whiskey for less than a dollar. So I bought two knock-off colas and some of the suspect whiskey. The whiskey obviously turned out to be some diluted crap but I didn’t care, it was drinkable.

After our usual pasta and sauce dinner, we had a coffee, watched the lightning storm and then got to bed.

We were up early, packed up our tents, filled the water bottles and got going early. The day was clear and sunny as usual and the roads became less hilly, opening to long stretches which helped us cover a lot of distance in a short time. We stopped for lunch in a small guest house with a nice restaurant that was cool and shady and I got some work done while we ate the usual rice and chicken. After another 30 km’s or so we found an old church, the caretaker of which allowed us to camp in the grounds. It was a full moon and we had a nice campfire dinner before getting to bed early again.

Bike troubles

The next day we packed, filled our water bottles and got moving early. We passed through Kachalola and Nyimba villages reasonably quickly and made it to Patauke by about 10 am. There we sat at a small gas station restaurant while I got work done and we had some breakfast of samosas, fried chicken and a salad that Romain put together from our leftover vegetables.

We even saw some Mzungus (the African word for foreigners or white people) for the first time since leaving Lusaka. Petauke is a turn-off point for the South Luangwa national park, so it hosts many foreigners. Just after leaving Petauke, I noticed my wheel was wobbling a bit and I made a mental note to get it aligned in Chipata. However, it was too little too late. A few kilometers out, a spoke snapped loudly. At first, I wasn’t sure what it was and kept going, but a few minutes later another snapped and my wheel went competed out of shape. I pulled over and waited for Romi to return. Luckily he had some spare spokes and a spoke tool but we couldn’t figure out how to get the rear cassette off to replace them. Fortunately, some locals informed us that there is a bike repairman a few meters up the road!

I put some of my luggage on Romi’s bike to ease the back wheel and then we walked for about 15 minutes until finding a bike repair guy. He also couldn’t take off the cassette but ensured us he could repair the spokes by bending them in. With no other option I trusted him and after a short time he had repaired them in fairly good looking condition, for less than a dollar!

We continued on after two hours and found the road a bit flatter here so we could move faster. We road fairly well throughout the day only stopping for short breaks and quick snacks until reaching Sinda, where we decided to grab an end of day beer. We found a bar that wasn’t too crowded or noisy but being Saturday, a lot of people were already out getting drunk.

Luckily we didn’t draw too much unwanted attention and just received the usual questions from a few guys who seemed friendly. After the beers we continued on out of the village to find a spot to camp. We soon reached a sign for a rural clinic and followed a dirt path into a village. We finally found the clinic managers and they said we could camp behind the clinic but it wasn’t fenced off or anything from the village so we attracted a lot of attention. Fortunately, they offered to put our bicycles in a secure room with the night guard.

As we set up our tents, a huge group of children began to gather and stood staring and laughing. Once done, we started cooking and that made them even more interested, so they came closer. It wasn’t annoying or anything but it wasn’t exactly peaceful after a long day riding. Eventually, some older boys came and after chatting we asked if they could ask the children to leave us in peace. They obliged and shouted ‘jia’ at the kids which seemed to do the trick. We thanked them and they said they’ll see us in the morning.

With some peace, we finished our evening meal and coffee and then turned in for the night. Morning involved the usual coffee and breaking camp before heading off toward Chipata. At lunchtime, we stopped in a small town and found a cool lodge with good food and a place where I could get some work done. We were making good time so we chilled for a few hours before moving on. Back on the road just as we arrived in Chipata, disaster struck again – another spoke broke!

I realised this was going to keep happening and I might need to buy a stronger back wheel but now it was too late so we just walked to the lodge where we were camping and chilled for the evening. For dinner we wanted to go to a local buffet restaurant but on arrival, it was closed (Sunday), so we ended up at a popular but expensive pizza place called Panarottis.

Chipata

The next day I took the bike to a local repair place and after considering all options, decided to keep the wheel and replace all the spokes with stronger ones. The mechanic didn’t know much about the European hub and cassette I have and didn’t have tools to remove it but eventually managed to wrench it off. After spending a few hours replacing each spoke he tried to put it back on but when I tried to cycle it got stuck.

I took it back and he spent the rest of the afternoon brutalizing it back on until eventually, with some bits missing, it worked. I’ll still need a new wheel soon but I had no choice but to take what I could get. After a long and tiring day, I decided I needed something enjoyable so I bought some cheap meat and wine and headed back to enjoy a braai at the lodge. We drank and ate and listened to cool music before crashing out in the hostel beds that we had decided to upgrade to for that night.

The next day we stupidly decided to take a bus to Lilongwe because we thought it would save time but it ended up taking longer than cycling. We waited at the Chipata bus station for hours for two people from Lusaka to arrive, on a bus full of flees – it was filthy. We had some pretty good local nshima and chicken though while we waited.

Once arriving at the Malawian border we again had to wait hours for the staff to check the bus until eventfully leaving and arriving at Lilongwe in the dark at about 8 pm. After a stressful mission getting everything off the bus in the pitch black in a muddy car park, we cycled off along dimly lit streets to a nearby backpackers.

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canaryatlaw · 6 years ago

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alright peeps, it’s late so let’s get going here. today was pretty good! I feel like I’m still mentally adjusting to actually working five days a week lol since law school was a lot more varied as far as days went, then there was bar prep and then I did nothing for like a month, so the whole 9-5 thing is still fairly new. But I woke up to my alarm at 7 (like every other weekday), got ready and headed out. I was looking at my plan for the day and trying to figure out who I wanted to shadow, I saw I was on the dep in the afternoon for one of the lawyers that was in court this morning (I don’t think I’ve specified a nickname for her but I like her a lot, she’s only like 3 years older than me but seems to have her shit together and is a pretty competent attorney haha so she’s fun) so I texted her and asked if I could shadow her, she said yes but her first case wasn’t till 9:30, I got to the courthouse at like 8:45 (around when I get there every day) so I went to the Starbucks under the courthouse (have I explained the whole pedway thing? probably at some point) and hung out till like 9:15, at which point I went upstairs only to find a MASSIVE line for security, like it made a U around the whole lobby, way longer than it’s ever been before, apparently due to a large group of some people on some sort of field trip basically. so that was fun, but I still made it to the courtroom before the lawyer lol and was told to get a hold on the case, so I did, and then I ended up talking to OPC and he was saying totally different things and our lawyer was like well can you step up? and I was like ahhhhhhh I feel like that would not go well because he’s saying something different which will probably devolve into an argument in front of the judge and like that’s a /bad/ idea, so she called me and they spoke over the phone, and I convinced him to let us pass the case until she got there, which he was not particularly happy about but agreed to, and she got there not too long after the call started so that was good, but of course at that point it was almost time for the 10:00 am case she had in the courtroom on the floor below, so I got sent off to figure that one out, but fortunately another lawyer from our firm was free and able to step up on the case so I didn’t have to finagle some sort of peace until she could make it there. so that was a bit more exciting than expected, and then once that was over there were three more in a nearby courtroom, so I just drafted orders (they were out of carbon of course so I had to write each one out separately) until all of those were covered. the dep was at 1 and we had to prep the client beforehand so instead of going back to the office we stayed at the courthouse, initially up by the courtrooms where lawyer was working on something, then asked me to take a look and tell her what I thought. the thing ended up being a letter to some board of judicial authority recounting an incident from a trial her and the other lawyer who covered her case today were on yesterday where the judge was just a fucking nightmare and like, very clearly violated the clients due process rights like, BADLY, (basically defense can motion for a directed verdict after plaintiff gives all their evidence saying they haven’t proved it beyond the standard of proof, but this judge prompted then granted a DV in the middle of plaintiff’s evidence, which is like, absurd) and just a recounting of all of that craziness so I looked it over and added a few commas (her grammar was actually totally on point besides that, MUCH better than the majority of people I end up proofing for) (no offense to them at all most people aren’t great with grammar and that’s fine) and suggested she reorder a few things and switch to first person throughout instead of switching between first and third, so she did that and then sent it to one of the partners and a few others to see what they thought. After that we went back to the same Starbucks to grab food, I got one of their grilled cheese’s (surprise surprise) which are actually rather good, so we sat and ate before walking up the pedway then across the street to the building the dep was in. this was like, a super complicated case, way different than most of our cases where we’re just the plaintiff. basically the case involved a former employee of the firm who at the time was driving a car owned by the firm when he got into a car accident, and he was now suing the person who hit him, and that person then tried to pull the firm in as what’s called a third party defendant, basically to say we’re also liable because it was our car, but to establish that they’d have to establish he was acting in the scope of employment at the time. so this dep was for the former employee and his baby mama/ex-girlfriend who was his passenger at the time, given by the lawyer repping the guy who hit them, and also sat in by another lawyer who’s representing the firm and this guy (but not the girl) so we were more or less there in like, an advisory position, but basically acted as the deponent’s lawyer at that point. so there was a whole bunch of unimportant stuff, but when they got to the former employee they did their best to really, really grill him on the car issue (like “does the firm provide all their employees cars for their personal use???” which is of course a no), but he stuck to his guns and maintained it was for personal use at the time and he was off-duty, which should effectively get us dismissed from the case, so we were happy about that. it went super long though, and by the time we got out it was like, 4:45, so at that point our lawyer was like well I have to go back to the office to get this notarized but there’s no point in you going back to just leave ten minutes later, so we walked to the red line on the courthouse stop and like, the train was so much emptier than it is when I got on at the office stop (two stops north) at like 5:15, like I was amazed, and throughout the trip there was just so fewer people I was like shit man, I need to start ducking out early and taking this train because it’s so much better like it was ridiculous lol. so I ended up making really good time and was off the train by like 5:30. So I walked the normal route home, except I needed milk for the recipe I was going to make since the milk that was in my fridge expired 6 days ago (I went through a whole like “well it smells okay does that make it okay??” because I wouldn’t try it because I think just milk is gross, but then I was like okay 6 days is too long let’s not fuck with this) so instead of turning off main street where I usually do I kept walking to where the 7-11 was, only to find it gone and completely boarded up, which I guess I hadn’t seen because I usually don’t go this far down on this side. but no worries, it was right across the street from the Walgreens so it was easily remedied, and I just got milk from there and then headed home. I was making a cheesy mexican bowtie pasta recipe and only being slightly experimental, so of course it starts with actually cooking the pasta, so I did that, and then you combine the pasta, like two cups of “mexican blend” cheese, a can of cream of mushroom soup (random, but okay), a cup of milk, and what was supposed to be a cup of mild salsa, but I can’t really do any type of salsa (when I’m trying to demonstrate to people just what I mean when I say I can’t do *any* spice at all I’ll say like “mild salsa and up” is off limits basically) so I instead used tomato sauce and added some taco seasoning, hoping that it would turn out semi-decent. so you mix that all together and throw it in the oven, then after like 20 minutes you take it out and sprinkle french fried onions and more cheese on the top and then cook it again for another like 5 minutes. and it came out pretty good! I was pleased with it, so that was a win for me. As it was finishing Jess came over and we prepped for our shows while also serving dinner. she has to get up early tomorrow for a photo shoot with “friends” so we decided we’d just do the flash and black lightning, instead of those plus the gifted. so we watched the flash live first. pretty good episode, they’ve been solid so far this season, so that’s good to see after a not all that great season 4. Nora is great and her relationship with Barry and Iris so far has been very well-written and well-acted of course so that’s very enjoyable. They managed to humanize Cicada very well tonight in very little actual footage, which was honestly impressive. obviously the whole Cisco thing was the focus of the episode and I was confident they wouldn’t actually be killing him in an episode calling “the death of vibe” because that’s REALLY on the nose and I don’t think they were that bad, but there was a few seconds there where I started doubting it a bit, but I was happy to see he was just fine. As far as the new version of Wells and their whole jumping to conclusions about the first guy thing goes, I felt like I had to draw a comparison to how this is a perfect example of what happens when police narrow in on a suspect too early and discount evidence that doesn’t point to them because they are convinced of their guilt and will make the evidence fit the suspect, which leads to a great number of wrongful convictions in the US and is a pretty large systemic problem. but that’s my real life diatribe about this lol. Black Lightning afterwards was also strong, I still love Anissa’s storyline of stealing money from the drug dealers and such and bringing it to clinics and churches (even when I have to suspend my disbelief a bit regarding how you can actually use stolen money) so that was good. I don’t know what I think about Jennifer’s storyline right now, the whole thing with the person- I guess she’s supposed to be a shrink?- showing up out of nowhere and mentally taking her to a salon was at best rather weird, and I’m not sure why her normally sensible parents would’ve thought that was a good idea. but I mean, if she eventually starts to help her, that’ll be good at least. The storyline with Jefferson and the new (white) principal was only in a few scenes but oooooooooof did it make me mad, just a whole lot of bs going on there. As far as Tobias goes, of course that arrest they made at the end of the episode was wayyyyyyyyy too easy and it’s never going to be that simple (especially this early in the season) so I’m really just waiting for the other shoe to drop there). but yeah, overall strong episode I really enjoyed. Jess left after that so I watched the 911 episode I missed from yesterday, and holy jesus I was tearing up like crazy, that show is a tad ridiculous at times when they come up with crazy situations they have to rescue people from (but I mean, that’s any cop/firefighter/EMT show ever made), but they also do emotion extremely well, from Buck’s sister (whose name I don’t remember) dealing with PTSD and fear of a vengeful ex-husband to captain talking about his daughter and ultimately in the end being invited into the photo with his girlfriend’s family (I seriously know like two characters names and that’s like, it) was honestly such a perfectly done moment I was legit tearing up over it. So yeah, kudos to them for playing the emotions very, very well. After that I started getting ready for bed, at one point there were a series of loud bangs that sounded somewhat reminiscent of the whole “bullets vs fireworks” game but like, there was a LOT of them and they were VERY loud, so I tend to think it probably wasn’t gunfire unless someone was shooting like 40 bullets in 30 seconds for some reason in our relatively peaceful and quiet neighborhood, at 11 pm on a Tuesday night for that matter. So slightly concerning but probably nothing, at least nobody here was in danger. And yeah, finished the rest of my routine and now I’m here and oh boy did I mention I’m tired and it’s almost 1 am now?? I had a lot to say about today 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol but I’m good now, so I’m going to pass out and sleep for the next 6 hours while I can (major sigh, but can’t do anything about it now). Goodnight my loves. Hope you had a lovely Tuesday.

#daily journal #October 2018 #Rachel's lawyer adventures #Rachel watches The Flash #Rachel watches Black Lightning

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thegreatlaureates-blog · 7 years ago

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Blog #3: Christmas Break

‘Tis that season again, that time of the year your mom loves because of the year end discounts on malls. The month your little sibling has been anticipating since January 1st because finally, FINALLY! He/she’s going to get that play station, mama and papa has promised to buy. Your dad might not like this season though because this is that time of the year where despite his high rank in work, he’ll always be the designated driver/ designated shopping bag holder.

You, on the other hand have a love-hate relationship with Christmas break. Yes, the school provided a 7+ days break, and finally you’re going to get that sleep you deserve to have and that vacay girl, time to change your profile picture and get that Instaglam rolling!

But nope, with a lengthy school break comes lengthy homework and projects. As if we’ll do it ‘til the last minute though hahaha

I don’t know about the rest of the world but Christmas this year was sort of a ‘meh’ for me. I just think that Christmas has been too commercialized, like companies and the media show you these supposed to be ‘Christmas traditions’ while nonchalantly advertising their products and I get this feeling that because of this, people feel compelled to celebrate Christmas without actually feeling festive.

Nonetheless, since I belong in a pretty conservative Christian family, we still celebrated Christmas even though we’re not complete.

Now, I’m used to an incomplete Christmas since my siblings are in the United States and the fare’s pretty expensive. However, this is the first time that it’ll be just the four of us (mum, dad, me, little sib) and neither of the other three (ate, kuya, little niece) are not around. And this made mum sad.

December 24, 2017

We started Christmas Eve by cooking our Noche Buena, and since my meat glutton of a brother is not around, our Noche Buena was mostly composed of sweets like mango float, ice cream, and my mum’s pride and joy, her maja which she apparently perfected according to her.

Then, we went to our barangay’s chapel to attend the “Kasaulogan sa Pulong” it’s sort of like a mass but is not an actual mass since a priest is not around. In our chapel, we have this tradition wherein before they end the jubilation, they lock the chapel gates and start caroling to the mass goers. I’m always in awe on the emcee who annually calls every single household in our barangay in every chapel caroling and events alike. Her ability to memorize is something all of us, students would die to have.

After mass, we went to Rotunda since there’s still time left before Christmas Day and honestly, despite the festive decorations, our house’s too quiet.

After a failed photo-shoot session, we went home. When the clock strike 12, we started our Noche Buena while my brother’s on video call. After ten minutes of wine and mum’s maja, the house was silent and everybody’s asleep except for me who was still playing smartphone games.

December 25, 2017, what a great day to sleep~

Everyone was asleep ‘til 11:00 and we had our brunch at 1:00 pm.

Just as I was thinking that I could finally start hibernating ‘til New Year’s Eve, my cousin stormed in to my room telling me that we’ll host this year’s family reunion.

Wait, what?

Reunion? I didn’t know we’ll have a reunion? And by tomorrow? Why was I not aware?

Suddenly, I had this holiday anxiety that they might ask me to wash the dishes but thank God! I was not assigned to do the dishes.

So, we planned for the reunion and after that I attended my nth Christmas Party. This time, it’s our Family Grouping Christmas Party. And by attend, I meant appear for like 20 minutes and have a couple of shots before pretending to be drunk and head home because, no, Aunt Inday I wont dance to budots with my party boy of a dad, thank you very much. #NeverAgain

I’d rather spend my Christmas with Saeyoung Choi, listen to his voice and bask in anime hell ‘til I fall asleep.

December 26, 2017

I woke up early, no the sun did not set from the west, I was just debating to myself whether I’d join my family to the beach or not. In the end I chose to go just to appease the god of fortune and wealth aka my dad. Yes, he pays me just to interact with people.

I didn’t expect that going to the beach with my relatives would actually be fun. They’ve been having outings thrice this year but I’ve never joined them ‘til now. It’s not really the salty air nor the beach itself that made it fun but it was my uncles who are bigger of a tease than I am. That day, the vibe was somehow light and comfortable, unlike the usual heavy drama and annoyance. I liked it.

At night, we started our “Christmas Party” which was held at our house. If I were to describe that gathering in one word, that’d be chaotic-- in a good way. Our house was too small for a family reunion, so, when a heavy rain poured on our front yard, everyone crammed on the side of the house that has a roof like sardines since it was supposed to be an outdoor activity. Moreover, I bailed as an emcee since I’m more of a formal emcee than an entertainment emcee if that makes sense. On the other hand, everyone was just so cooperative and fun that every negative aspect of the party was cancelled out.

My most favorite part by far, was when the program finally ended and I started the karaoke session ‘til 2AM.

December 27, 2017

We were supposed to attend yet another Christmas Party, the Purok Christmas Party this time but we have already planned to go to Tagum for the start of our annual check up so we had to ditch it. We traveled at around 4:00 PM and arrived at around 8:00 PM because of traffic. Since the clinics are prolly closed at that time, we decided to stay over at Lakan’s Place for the night.

December 28, 2017

We woke up pretty early and started scouting for a clinic or hospital that could accommodate us. We’ve visited almost four medical centers before we finally had our first check up at Tagum Eye Surgicenter. Lucky for us, it’s not that crowded at that day and the personnel in charge were all very accommodating. What we did not expect though was the check up for the three of us (me, mum, and dad) will take three hours! Thank the heavens though because the result showed that all of us have healthy eyes, specially my mum who still has a 20/20 vision at age 50.

After that, mum and dad dropped us at Robinsons because my sister was itching to play at Quantum. I on the other hand, enjoyed scanning around the National Book Store and hauled three books that I’ll not read for another millennia. We went home at around 4:30 pm and arrived by 7:00.

Then, I hibernated for 2 days and by that, I meant I was playing for straight two days without seeing daylight.

December 31, 2017

When I though Christmas Eve was dull, New Year’s Eve is Sahara, cold and deserted. All I could remember was that after mass, I was itching to go to sleep. So ten minutes into New Year and Media Noche, I was already sound asleep.

In summary, my break was pretty okay, not exciting, not so dull either. The reason for this might be my holiday anxiety, it’s that or I’m getting too grown up to really enjoy a typical Christmas. Christmas in the first place is about the birth of Christ, and I’m not the biggest christian out there. However, for me, the concept of gift giving and sharing what you have to other is really endearing.

- VICENTE, MC

#BLOG 3 #christmas #yes i celebrated it poorly #how to NOT celebrate christmas

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olgagarmash · 3 years ago

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(CNN) — If the “baking elf” hadn’t spent the pandemic whipping up sweet confections, Frances Hohl might not have gained 25 pounds.

Hohl couldn’t ignore her daughter’s efforts. Nor did she want to. “Wedding cake is my favorite,” says Hohl, 56, a writer in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

“I just felt so uncomfortable in my body,” says Hohl.

Movara Fitness Resort in Ivins, Utah, was recently sold out 18 weeks in a row.

Courtesy Movara Fitness Resort

And the urge to drop pandemic pounds extends beyond the United States.

Caroline Sylger Jones, the founder of retreat guide and review site Queen of Retreats, is seeing the same thing.

Now that the world is opening up, weight loss and fitness resorts are reaping the benefits of those goals.

Looking to lose the ‘Covid 19’

Movara in Utah was recently sold out 18 weeks in a row.

Caren Kabot, the founder of Solo Escapes, a travel company that focuses on spa and wellness, says people are also looking to rest and reset after a year of confinement.

“They’re like, where do I start? What do I need to do? I say, plan at least one week where you can focus on creating balance in your life while shedding a few extra pounds.”

Fit Farm offers fitness and weight loss programs in Tennessee.

Courtesy Fit Farm

‘It was so calming’

Tiffany Benjamin, 41, took that further and booked a month-long stay at Fit Farm, in Castalian Springs, Tennessee.

The camaraderie was as important as the physical fitness. At all of these resorts guests eat meals together, and work out as a group.

Fit Farm retreats take place at Rock Springs Retreat Center in Castalian Springs, Tennessee.

Courtesy Fit Farm

Pandemic stress takes a toll

“Covid didn’t help,” he says. “I live alone and not having people come over was hell.”

A family friend suggested Structure House, which offers treatment for compulsive overeating, and Norry decided to go. He lost 20 pounds, most of which he has kept off.

“They really help rebuild your relationship with food,” he says. “When I went into Structure House my goal was, ‘I want to get back to 175.’ Now my goal is, ‘I want to be healthy.'”

Participants exercise during a Fit Farm retreat.

Courtesy Fit Farm at Rock Springs Retreat Center

‘We needed something different’

Getting healthy is what brought Laura and Danielle Prioleau to Movara. The mother-daughter duo from Twentynine Palms, California, spent nine weeks there.

“Before the pandemic I had lost nearly 60 pounds and was doing really well,” says the twenty-something Danielle, who is completing her graduate studies in marriage and family therapy.

Laura has lost almost 35 pounds and Danielle has dropped about 30 pounds.

But many people who can afford this kind of retreat feel they’re worth the investment — though there are no guarantees they’ll keep the weight off.

But some people prevail. Hohl lost nine pounds during her month at Movara, and her body fat percentage went from 43.7 to 39.6.

When she returned to Colorado she did the Movara Home program and lost another 11 pounds. (It also helped that the “baking elf” got a full-time job, which cut down on her kitchen time.)

via Wealth Health

#IFTTT #Wealth Health

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skypanda798 · 7 years ago

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Grief

On July 6th, I woke up. It was a relatively normal day. I got up, showered, and got ready for work. I said bye to my parents, to my doggos Mona and Charlie, and when I got outside, I stopped in our laundry room. Our oldest of four doggos, Oso, had been sick and was sleeping on the sofa we had there. He had been sick for months but had gotten so much worse. Depending on what the doctor said today, he was going to be put down. I went and said bye to Stella, our german shepherd and guardian of the house. I got to work and lost myself in the autonomy of it all. I let myself lose my thoughts and my worries in the hectic environment that had become my Thursday mornings. Piles of paperwork grew, signed orders waited for me to send them off to home health agencies, and I griped about our main doctor acting a fool. I complained about a patient for straying from the doctor's orders and jeopardizing his limb. At around ten, I got the group text from my sister. Oso was going to be put down. Today. At 4pm. My vision grew dark and started to close in to nothing. I stopped and steadied myself, reread her text and let a tear or two out. I had my first test that day for my psych class. Leave it to summer school to fuck everything up. How could I get half an hour away to home, the appointment, and back by 530 for my test? I pulled my friend and confidant, Janet, and vented to her. Her advice was simple. Go home. I gave her a rundown of what was keeping me. Go home, she said. I stayed and finished the morning. I needed to feel useful before I felt so completely useless. I ate my lunch but I just felt empty and sad. I started thinking of him, and spoke more to Janet about what was going on. I went back to try and finish some work, send some of my orders, but knowing I was going to leave early. I stayed to try to work because again, I needed to be useful to somebody. My doctor, the other one, the good one, asked me what was wrong. I broke down. I started crying. I excused myself to the restroom and wiped myself down. I fixed myself and went back to work, back to face her. Go home she said. This time, I listened. I grabbed my things and left. I cried the entire way out of the clinic, which luckily, wasn't very much. I texted my supervisor and off I went. I spent some time in the room with Oso. I just let him sleep, his breathing was hard and fast. I kept my hand on him, hoping he felt my presence and knew I loved him. I shooed away Mona, she was always so jealous. She was not to be stopped though, and hopped onto my lap. I sat there for about an hour, my two oldest dogs and my tears. It was time for the appointment. The staff at the vet's office was unusually cheery. Did they know why we were here? It felt so wrong - to smile and be so happy when this light was about to be extinguished forever. They led us to the room where it would happen and asked some questions - ashes or burial? Do you want to be present? It was all muffled and quiet. The vet came in. He talked a lot. He administered a pain killer and muscle relaxer. Our Oso wasn't in pain anymore. He was relaxing and breathing normal. Part of me thought we could keep him alive like that - drugged, but not suffering. The thought vanished just as quick. That would be no life for him, for anyone. The vet came back. Administered the drug. It would take seconds at most for his breathing to stop. The other meds would mean he'd feel no pain. It might take minutes for his heart to stop completely. I looked around and my father, my sister and I were already crying. We held him. It took less than a minute from when the syringe was removed to when his heart stopped and the vet announced he was gone. I cried. My dad cried. He left first, walking out as quick as he could. I tried to stay, but I didn't last much longer. I got out as quick as I could too. I didn't want to give the overly cheery staff a chance to do or say anything. I stood by my car and saw my dad. I told him I had to go. I had a test to take. I knew better. I knew I shouldn't go. I should email my professor, explain and hope for the best. I should go home and hold my dogs and grieve. I didn't. I sat in class until he gave us our test. I took it, knew maybe half the answers and left. It was better than a zero. I was almost home and ready to cry more. To lay in bed with Mona and charlie. I got a text from my mom that made it hard to keep driving. Mona was missing. They don't know when she got out but she was out. I got home long enough to verify the story and then I was gone again. Searching. Driving and screaming, pleading for her to come back. To hear my voice and come running back to me. I'd find her and she'd run to me. Jump at me as high as she could until I scooped her up in my arms and got us both home. Texts started coming in. From my sister, my friends. How can we help? Everyone wanted to help. I wanted to cry. I texted janet. I cried. I got home and shoved my face on my pillow and cried. Then I realized it was a disservice to her to stop searching so quick. I could hear her! I would find her. I got back in my car and drove through the neighborhood like a mad man. I drove all around town. I saw my sisters car more than once, also searching. I heard my voice and heard my tears every time I said her name. I'd stop and just idle when I heard barking, and, sure it was her, I'd chase the sound. I wasn't going to find her. Not that night. Not in the dark. Maybe someone found her. Saw that she looked loved and cared for and decided to keep her safe until I found them. In the days that followed, I grieved and bargained away my grief. I would find her. She'd come back. I made some signs and hung them up. I tried to stay hopeful despite every bone in my body reminding me of the truths of the world. She wouldn't come back. I was broken and on autopilot. In just a few hours, I had lost two of my best friends. One was dead. The other? Who knows. Missing at best. I joined networks of people around town on apps I didn't know existed, posted listings, kept the hope alive. I made new signs to hang, offered a nice reward. I tried to believe in people. I hated myself. I never felt I was doing enough. I was letting her down. She is scared and cold and hungry somewhere, and I'm not even trying to find her. I've let her down and tainted this love and this bond we shared. I was as bad as I always said other people were. I was letting my grief win. Worst of all, I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Partly because it'd bring me to tears. Partly because grief is taboo. Grief isn't something we discuss or bring to other people. You swallow it and keep it to yourself. Never let people see you down. It's been three weeks. We got Oso's ashes. No sign of Mona. Some texts and emails, wishing us the best and sharing condolences. I got a few calls from teenagers, probably bored. They'd call from private numbers, say they had her, and hang up. My hopes are crashing and I feel worse than ever. I have failed her. I know i need to make more signs. Try harder. I know she won't come back. My mona is gone. I have failed. I lost two friends. I went to the grocery store today, went by the dog food, and walked to the freezer. I was going to get stella and charlie some ice cream. The pack only comes in fours. I couldn't do it. It reminded me that less than a month ago, I had four furry best friends. Now I only have two. I feel bad for Charlie and Stella, they're grieving too, but I couldn't do it. I have failed my best friend and I feel horrible for it. I needed an outlet for my grief, and maybe this will help. I still hold out hope she'll come back. I still try to hear her barking. Sometimes though, I catch myself forgetting she's gone. Or worse, realizing I didn't think of her that day. Those days are the worst.

#doggo #mansbestfriend #grief #honesty #venting #crying

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hornetdiaries · 8 years ago

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MRSA and Mary Kay

Thursday's are not good for me. It's not only because I have six hours of labs, two hours of pathophysiology, and not a single spare moment between nine to five the whole day. It's because Thursday's are just a little bit weird. One Thursday in particular started out with more promise than any before it. I was going to my clinical nursing location for the first time, and I was taking a quiz in my other lab that a lot of people had failed, and then to top it all off I was actually going on a bonafide date with a legitimate human female.

Since my dating experience in college had reached a grand height of once being stood up and having to fake being a part of a polyamorous lesbian relationship to some guys drunk mother, I didn’t have a very hard standard to beat. I was going to out-romance all my friends because this would not be a regretful drunk makeout, nor would it be a random hookup with someone I’ve known for less than an hour, and this wouldn't even be with a guy that turned out to be extremely gay. I was going to do this right and proper and get coffee while the sun was still up. Absolutely nothing could have made me happier.

My day started out with shimmying into my khaki scrubs, dawn my red polo, and lace up my clunky white shoes, and look like the most capable Target employee while I ate overcooked eggs with a viciously confident attitude. I was actually so distracted by how capable I felt that I ended up leaving ten minutes late and being the last one to arrive.

The six other nursing students and I followed around our professor like ducklings in this scary new pond. As soon as a patient began to approach our line and our professor made first contact, we were all wide smiles, caring eyes, and the most compassionate “good mornings” anyone has ever been gifted in their life. Over and over we rinsed and repeated until it was a perfect angelic chorus of “Hello, good morning, thank you, giggle” bringing joy to all and internally shaking from fear that any one of them would look us dead in the eye and tell us to recite Krebs cycle.

Every patient I saw was a small burst of excitement in that I could get to discover some new ailment, and then a flash of fear as I realized that if I breathed the wrong way I would kill them. But everyone was nice, and the nurses actually looked happy to be working there which was a rare sight to see. Even more strange was that people were happy to see us. Nursing students were supposed to be pummeled emotionally and physically, getting the crap end of the stick more literally than not. But these nurses were respectful and courteous and even excited for us. Our professor later told us that it was because of how well the college maintained its nursing program reputation, and within the orientation brochure for us were several employment pitches. It was actually the most motivational thing I had ever heard. I came to the school knowing that the program was well respected in the field, but being surrounded by only nursing students who were dropping like flies left and right, always complaining and wanting to get out so bad, I had forgotten that this was actually an amazing thing to be a part of.

And then of course we got smacked in the face with MRSA. The big bad nosocomial monster lurking under the bed of every immunocompromised patient. Contact precautions dictated gloves and a gown, so we all stood in silence, conscious of every small tear in our skin that the disease could leak into. Gloves had never been so hard to put on, and I could have sworn the strings of my gown had turned into wet spaghetti they were so hard to tie. I nearly started yelling at my gloves when they refused to keep my cuffs tucked in, as though I could already feel the microbes crawling up my arms and settling into my skin.

As soon as we walked into the room however, all my fears went out into the closed ventilation system of the room. Because there in front of me was the smallest old lady made of bones with skin hanging off of them, and two giant swollen legs with bandages wrapped around and soaked with fluid. I fell in love immediately and took up my spot right at the foot of her bed, getting in as close as possible as the nurse sheared off the layers of gauze and wrappings.

The lady had dementia and so she didn’t pay much attention to the six girls decked out in urine yellow gowns crowding around her bedside, mindfully aware to keep out of the sterile field as best as possible. If anyone so much as reached over the spread out gauze and packages, the whole field would have to be thrown away and the process of setting up and gowning up would have to be restarted.

Layer upon layer, the purulent drainage shed away, revealing a hulking mass of swollen leg. The skin was thin and breaking apart like paper ripped while wet, the color was the most sickly that yellow can turn. Her leg was three times what it should have been and when pressed upon it failed to spring back up and instead took time to inflate with fluid. Stage four pitting edema, yellow discoloration, epidermal breakdown, and severe discomfort all ran out like bullet points on a test, except now they had a face and a name and a smell.

“Would you like one of our students to help hold her leg up?” My teacher asked in the sweetest voice. My heart jumped up to say hi to my throat as the performing nurse considered it, “uh, sure” all I heard was a victory bell as I moved forwards wordlessly, not waiting to let someone else volunteer and take my spot. I was going to hold that leg even if I had to take the Med School approach and throw my classmates under the MRSA filled bus to do it.

“Good, just like that” he said, as I elevated it to a safe level. I looked to see my professor giving me two thumbs up and was brimming with satisfaction. My professor was also my advisor and held a special place in my heart after she pretended to be my mom for parents weekend was still signing emails with ‘mama Sinoski’ as her title. It had been my duty ever since to be her absolute favorite, and in that moment I was absolutely sure that I was.

Then my patient started wailing. There's nothing to break a good high like the sound of an elderly woman on the brink of tears and only in touch with reality enough to know that you're causing her pain. My eyes were wide with fright as I struggled to keep her leg elevated while she jerked it back. Caught between MRSA and a pressure ulcer on the ankle, I only had a solid two inches or so where I could keep my hands, and any slip up or readjustment could result in skin breakdown or contamination. But I held on, leaning at far too unsafe angles in order to keep the procedure afloat while the nurse strapped on the ABD pads as fast as he could.

Finally, he wrapped the cling around and I was able to set it down while he tagged it. My professor chose a girl at random to take my place for the second leg and so I was able to step back and gather myself. I had done it, my first assistance on a nursing procedure was complete and no one had died or sued me.

By the time we rolled around to getting back to school it was a whirlwind of changing clothes, scarfing down food, nearly throwing up from eating too fast, and reading an entire chapter on the joys of the digestive and renal systems. Pathophysiology was a short and sweet lecture on pain and the gut wrenching agony that the body can inflict on itself, and then in my lab directly after we learned how to palpate the liver and spleen. I got a perfect score on the quiz all my friends failed so I got the impression it was a good sign for the afternoon.

Finally, after having my liver massaged and my mettle tested, I rushed back to my room and stole the gayest clothes my roommate owned, then dashed out the door. I was going to do this, I was going to be funny, I was going to be an active listener, I was going to fall in love and live a long life full of hiding from my parents and having someone to come home to that would talk to me about things that don't involve pus and squishy bits. I refused to be the cool vodka aunt to my sister's cats any longer.

I arrived at the agreed coffee dispensing location which required a bit of a drive, and as I was about to go in I received a text that she was in fact at her Mary Kay party because I had misread the times and all other manner of boring nonsense. This should have been my sign to leave. This should have been the one thing that clued me in that this was all about to go as far downhill as one can roll.

See, this girl wasn't what I would consider to be my ‘type’, because while my type includes just being of legal age and able to breathe independently, this girl was antartic levels of polar opposite. Which I thought might be a good thing, something to push me out of my comfort zone, a good dose of opposites attract, always being able to make conversation because of just how different we are! Of all the lies I’ve told myself that was the dumbest. Jo was a very beautiful girl attending Liberty university for business who happened to work as a waitress and also a Mary Kay sales predator. This to me screamed closeted lesbian looking for a way out and knowing how to play the straight game really well. I didn't think she would actually be into makeup.

That comes later however, because I decide to go to this party thing where they make you pity buy products because they already put all this crap on you. It was a simple enough drive until I got close. I had assumed she would host it at her house or something and it would be a group of girls that all vaguely knew her and would make some kind of gossiping small talk.

What I arrived at was a strip mall entirely blocked off by construction cones and a moat of loose torn up rocks. It looked like someone had tried their best to quarantine the little chunk of strip mall off because it was connected to absolutely nothing, the only thing around it were houses, and while there were cars inside there was no way of entering or exiting.

I began to think that maybe I had been completely catfished and that some small army of human trafficking warlords were waiting for me inside, ready to kidnap me and laugh at how I fell for going to a Mary Kay party. I don't know what made me more angry, the thought of being kidnapped or having people think I wanted to go to this thing.

As I'm contemplating whether I should just cut my losses and go back to school, I get a phone call from Jo. She has this voice like pumpkin spice coffee and I see her out on the street looking around for me, and yeah, she's really pretty. Pretty enough for me to make the wrong decision and park my car in an empty church and steel myself for whatever fresh hell this was goign to be.

She's happy to see me, I'm nervous up to my hypothalamus, but I follow her across this torn up sea of what used to be a road into the first door of the strip mall that was completely empty save two cars. The interior is made of four black tables with white plastic chairs and a wall with posters of different levels of gems with pictures of girls beside them. For some reason pearl is the highest, but right beneath it is diamond, and whose picture is right below it? Jo.

Before I can even ask, a tall woman no older than twenty three pushes herself right into my bubble, shaking my hand and putting on the most rehearsed smile and greeting I've ever heard in my life. She had the body of a Barbie but the confidence and domination in her eyes of Stalin.

“Hi! I'm -insert short name that takes her four syllables to say and probably had a Q in it-, have you ever been pampered before?” One time I took the best bubble bath of my life and nearly drowned because I fell asleep, it seemed extremely relevant but not quite what she was asking.

“Uh, no”

“Well great! Jo will take care of you and we'll get you set up!” And with that she swept herself away with the two girls who were equally pretty and just as terrified as I was. They went to the back room and so it was just me and Jo and the biggest bag of makeup I had ever seen in my life.

It starts out pretty good. She's nice and immediately warm to me, asking me about my day and blanching when I told her about the MRSA. I thought that it would end up with her giving me a desperate smile and a few laughs like most people do when I tell them about my work, but she just sort of kept that shocked look on her face and I had to nervously laugh for her.

All the while she's doing the Mary Kay routine, and I almost wanted to tell her that she didn't have to because her boss(?) wasn't here and I wasn't going to buy anything anyways, but I feared not having something in common between us, even if it was just her teaching me how to rub small bits of “anti aging” minerals onto the back of my hand. Know what really doesn't age? A lobster. That's the most fun fact ever and it's my favorite one to tell but she just keeps going on with the beauty products and I keep sitting on my lobster fact because if her MRSA reaction was anything to go by she'd probably think lobsters were gross. They are not gross, they are immortal and we should respect them for it.

So we finally ended the beauty stuff where I rubbed different pink creams onto the back of my hand and pretended to be impressed with the results.

“Are you wearing any makeup?” And I'm a little self conscious now because I don't put on makeup usually since I can't see that great without my glasses and no one ever taught me how to do it, so it can be in the ballpark of ‘yeah that looks fine’ and ‘Oh yeah I can kinda see where you put uh, that… Line’.

“Yeah, a little bit”

“Here” she hands me a wet cloth, “Wipe it off” that's when I began to get the odd feeling in my chest that this could end up being very different from my delusional idea of how this night would go. Since she's already put it in my hands, I wipe away everything on my face and see her set out an entirely new roll of different bottles and creams that's as long as the table.

I feel my heart sink through to my feet and know that this would not be easy. Our conversation was dwindling and now she's only focused on the make up as she runs through words and instructions that go completely over my head. Exfoliate this, moisture that, day serum, night serum, eye shadow cream, butter balm, I don't even try keeping up with what I was smearing onto my face. By the end of it, I was sticky and felt like I was covered in sand. My face was a complete mess as foundation that wasn't enough to cover all of it but enough to give me patches of caking color, my eyes kept gluing shut from the mascara and the eyeshadow that wasn't evenly distributed by a long shot, my lips a jagged mess of color.

I didn't know if I was more mad because I was bored out of my mind, or really uncomfortable with looking that I had just been punched by a wet puppet. That's when the business boss lady decided to come back out and take one look at me before gasping with wonder and going,

“You look so good!” all I could do was stare up at her with honest confusion.

“What?” She stared back, silent for the first time like I had just swiped my card wrong and the machine couldn't read it, “Oh I mean, thanks” and with that she was operational and sitting down at our table with the sugary cocaine level of energy and enthusiasm.

“So now that you're done, we’re going to play a little game” if I heard the doors suddenly lock I wouldn't have even been surprised, “I'm going to play a song, and you're going to try and think of eleven names and numbers of people who would want Jo to give them a demo makeover before its over, and if you can do that you get a prize!” Selling out my family and friends in order to get material goods, nothing wrong with that. She gives me this card and starts the music.

I know that this song would end up being like, five minutes long, and at this point I was ready to get this done and see if Jo wanted to get a slice of pie or walk around the church parking lot, so I did what any self respecting person would do and found the eleven people least likely to stop talking to me after they got harassed by Mary Kay. My mom for starters, then my roommate, an unofficial patient, a dude I slept with freshman year before he moved to California, a guy I know in Canada, and then the last however many people in my phone contact list.

Things began to roll a little bit faster downhill from there. This chick sits back down and gives me my free little bottle of chemical lotion junk, then decides she's not just going to try and sell me things, she's going to sell me ideas. She starts preaching about the ideology of the company and how just how great it is, Jo is nodding along the whole way though out of the corner of my eye.

“It's just so great and gives you so much opportunity. I mean your life should really be in order Jesus, Family, and Mary Kay” had anyone else told this to me I would have thought they were shitty actors, but deep inside her flawless face I knew that she believed every word of this. This woman was southern ideals wrapped up in the prettiest packaging money could buy.

“Okay, we're going to play another game now” I felt a lump in my throat as I realized there was no way out of this, I would be seventy before they gave me my life back. “On this piece of paper I want you to write MRS CAB. Good! Now right below the M I want you to write money” it was a fucking acronym, acronyms are not game! She started preaching hard about the ethics of business and how “Mary Kay set up her business so that it would benefit everyone and help empower women!” If being part of a pseudo pyramid scheme is empowering women I don't want to know what her version of oppression looked like.

She finishes up the acronym finally and I look to Jo for support in this trying time. She's still facing forwards, clearly engaged in this nonsense. That's when the woman gets the hint that perhaps we aren't complete strangers.

“How did you two meet? Do you know each other?” This woman chirped out like a canary that just did its second line of coke.

“This is actually our first time meeting” Jo starts, “We met on Tinder” my eyes popped out of my school and as did the lady's, both of us staring in horror at Jo and her brazen announcement. I began nervously chuckling, hiding my face inside of my hands even though it was extremely obvious and only drew further attention to myself. “Do you know what Tinder is?” She asked as innocently as a baby duckling.

“Uhhhh” the look on her face said brimstone but her smile refused to dip by even a percent of an angle.

“It's a good way to meet people in your area, some people use it for hookups and stuff but plenty of people use it for making friends. One of my friends randomly put it on my phone and I've met up with dozens of girls” suddenly in my mind's eye an epiphany exploded, I could see girl after girl getting swept up in her urgency to meet up and invitation to do other activities that don't work out, all to get wrapped up into a Mary Kay party where they discover that nothing was as it seemed.

“Oh, okay” her voice had shrunk a few octaves and annoyance levels but she shook it off and began on again, “Alright Mandy, so for this next part I want you to write on a scale of one to ten how likely it is that you'll end up working as a Mary Kay sales associate” I was still mentally thrown by the realization that this definitely was not a date and everything was suddenly making way more sense than I wanted it to.

“Uh, probably a three I guess” I muttered, wanting to leave so badly it hurt. Her eyes glared down at me like it was a threat to strangle me in the parking lot,

“Write it down, Mandy” fearfully I put pen to paper, feeling guilty as sin for disappointing this woman I barely knew and wholeheartedly hated. “Good” she had me do a bit more writing and then gave me one final speech before she shook my sweating hand and started towards the back.

“Wow, I thought she was going to burst when I said I met you on Tinder!” Jo started, looking absolutely amazed.

“Ha, yeah, that was something”

“Like, I don't see what the big deal is, I meet up with people all the time from there”

“This is actually my first time meeting up with anyone from there” except almost Andrew who stood me up, and that grad student that made me crab cakes to sleep with him, and now this. I started shoving my things into my bag, making the clear physical announcement that this engagement was over.

“Really? You don't ever use it for dating?” I began shoveling faster, shaking my head with a painfully large smile while laughing in a continuous stream to take up the silence.

“Ah, well, it's… Yeah” she was confused enough by my answer that I had enough time to stand up and kick my chair in. “Well it's been really fun, thanks for inviting me, I should probably be getting back now”

“Here, I'll drive you back to your car” I was about to protest but then I figured getting murdered in a church parking lot would totally be something that would happen today so I followed her outside where her big van was parked next to the sparkly off white Mary Kay car. I've never hated a single car so much for everything it represented. Rather uneventfully, I bid her goodbye, made up my mind to never talk to her again, got in my car and went back to school.

There’s a Twenty One Pilots song about a car radio being missing and the horrors of being left to your own thoughts while driving, and while I hate that song, it was ironically the only thing on the radio that I could listen to that would distract me from my thoughts. It's just that after leaving North Carolina two years ago and giving up the only world I had ever known to try my hand at being me, I had nothing but a growing series of regretful pseudo-romantic encounters. I hid from my parents, broke up with my boyfriend, and left my culture all for the magical daydream that three hours away would be a fantastic life just waiting to be embraced. I couldn't even blame Jo because she was trying to do her job and meet new friends/victims, I just wanted to believe there was more to it. I had set myself up to fail from the beginning, too scared to go to a big school in a big city where I'd be forgotten in a heartbeat so I convinced myself that a tiny liberal arts school with a nursing program would somehow be a magnet for everything I could ever want.

So did I end the day curled up in my friends bed while she fed me Almond Joys while pretending I hadn't started crying when I told her what happened? Probably. But through it I had learned a very important lesson, that nothing good has ever come from Tinder, and that Liberty still definitely sucks. Also what the hell is butter balm?

#hornet diaries #sophmore year

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