#at one point i had thoughts about one. i wish i had downloaded the video to try.

[she-toadmask]

People who delete old videos/set them to private because 'I'm not that person anymore uwu' (not for queer reasons) go fuck yourselves

[stillmonsterz]

GAM3 BO1

pairing: heeseung x reader

genre: smut

summary: reclusive gamer heeseung offers you the chance to live in a decent place in exchange for your companionship.

warnings: unprotected sex, swearing, voyeurism, dubcon, somnophilia, jerking off, exhibitionism, coercion, humiliation, anal sex

word count: 3.7k

--

The man you’re looking at in this coffee shop does not look like he could pay rent anywhere, let alone cover most of yours. He looks like he should be scrolling imageboards in his mother’s basement as he dines on high-fructose corn syrup. His eyes have bags, his skin is pale and sallow, his overgrown bangs reach below his eyebrows, and he’s so thin that the sleeves of his button-up hang from his arms. He peeks at you under his eyelashes, smiling shyly.

“You seem like a good fit,” he says quietly, fiddling with the handle of his mug of coffee. “And like I said, all you would have to do is clean up, do the laundry…make sure the place isn’t a complete pigsty.” He laughs softly. “God knows I’m awful at that.”

“Well, I can do that,” you say slowly, leaning back in your chair. “I still don’t understand why you’re being so generous. I mean, you could just get a maid. It’d cost you less money, too.” You don’t mention that the apartment is ridiculously nice for the pittance he would let you pay for it, and it’s in a choice location in the city. When you saw the ad for it on the roommate app you had downloaded, you had thought it was a scam. But then, you were so desperate that you were willing to fall for a scam. As it turns out, the apartment is real – he had sent you a video of it at your behest – and the owner was definitely real.

Heeseung – Heeseung Lee, a single computer programmer that had come into an undisclosed yet presumably exorbitant amount of wealth following his parents’ passing – laughs again, a self-conscious chuckle that quickly dies in his throat. “Well, to be honest with you…I just get lonely. I mean, my work is all online, and I don’t have many, uh, friends. I sort of just stay at home and play…” Heeseung’s voice becomes hushed. “play video games. It’s sort of pathetic.”

“Nothing pathetic about that,” you say quickly. He’s so earnest, it tugs at your heartstrings. “I think this could be a great arrangement.”

Heeseung looks up at you, and his eyes are shining. He smiles at you, tilting his head. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You smile as well. “And I’m a pretty good companion, if I do say so myself.”

Heeseung’s eyes flicker down, lingering below your collar for a full five seconds before he looks back up at you. “You know, I think you’ll be a great companion for me.”

--

Your first week living in his apartment is relatively peaceful. Relatively is the operative word. Your room is comfortable, stocked with plain furniture. Heeseung gives you carte blanche to decorate it as you wish, which is nice. Cleaning up after him is a simple affair, too. He deposits his dirty dishes and takeout containers outside of his door at regular intervals – 6 pm, when he wakes up and orders something, 8 pm, when he remembers to eat something, and 2 am, when he needs a snack to keep him going. You got home from work at 5, so it wasn’t hard to accommodate him. He exclusively eats Doordash, which saddens you a bit. When you made pasta for yourself one day, you decided to knock on his door and offer him a bowl of it. His eyes had widened, like you had offered him  a plate of solid gold.

“Really?” he’d said, receiving the bowl.

“Yeah, of course.” You had smiled at him sympathetically; it was really so easy to please him.

Heeseung had grinned at you. “Thank you, thank you.” He had taken a large bite of it and closed his eyes, nodding and pointing at the bowl. “You’re so good at cooking, wow. Wow, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No really…you’re an angel. Like a domestic goddess.” Heeseung had looked you up and down. “You’re like a cute little maid.”

You laughed and walked away.

 His eating habits were one thing, but some things he does mystify you. He refuses to let you inside of his room, blocking your view of the door. You can catch a whiff of stale air whenever the door is cracked even slightly, which piques your interest. “It’s just really messy in here,” he’d tell you nervously. Heeseung only really comes out of his room to play Overwatch on the Smart TV in the living room. Other than that, he asks you periodically to bring him things when you get home from work.

There’s also one other issue: you swear your panties are going missing. Your favourite pair of panties has vanished, as well as a pair you generally wear when you’re on your period. You take care of all the laundry (including Heeseung’s own filthy boxers), so it’s impossible that you could have misplaced them. You don’t push anything, though.

Today is weird, though. When you get home, there’s a medium-sized package outside of the door. It has Heeseung’s name on it, so you bring it to his door and knock. “Heeseung, there’s something for you.”

Heeseung cracks the door open, his hair having grown even longer in the week you had been here. “Oh, no,” he says, pointing with a bony finger, “that’s for you.”

“Aw, Heeseung,” you say with a wide smile. “You got me something?”

Heeseung grins at you and shrugs. “It’s the least I can do. You do so much for me…I hope you like it.”

You excitedly open the package, but your smile drops when you see its contents: a cheaply-made maid outfit with spaghetti straps, white lace trim, and a skirt that would cover your panties and little else. “You…want me to wear this?”

“Yes,” Heeseung says, reaching out to touch your shoulder. “Come on, it’s just a dress. No one else will see.”

You sigh. He practically lets you live here for free, so you might as well play along. “What, you want me to wear it right now?”

Heeseung nods so vigorously you’re surprised his head doesn’t roll off his skinny little neck. You turn away to head to your room to change, but Heeseung’s grip on your shoulder tightens. “No. Change here.”

You whip your head to face him. “What?”

His gaze is steely now, his previous shyness having seemingly dissipated. “Change in front of me.” Then, as though he had been momentarily possessed, his softness returns. “Please? I don’t ask you for a lot, right?”

You swallow your pride and put the maid outfit on the ground. First, you remove your hoodie, revealing your tank top. As you fold up your hoodie, you can see Heeseung’s hand furiously moving in his boxers, which causes you to freeze.

“Keep going,” he says hoarsely, leaning his head back. Dread pools inside of your gut as you continue to strip. Soft, strained moans spill from Heeseung’s lips as he watches you strip down to your underwear. When you put on the maid costume, he carefully adjusts the straps of your dress with his slick hands. “Very nice,” Heeseung says. “Turn around for me?”

You turn, and you can feel the cool air of the apartment hitting your ass- the dress is that short. “So good,” Heeseung whispers. “You can take it off now.”

Your hands fumble with the hem of your dress, but Heeseung laughs. “Not here,” he says, removing his hands from your shoulder. “In your room, silly. And after you’re done, bring the dress to me, okay?”

You’re too dazed to question his instructions, and you’re all but too happy to get out of the dress. After you’re done changing, you hand the maid outfit to him. He smiles and takes it without a word.

Things go by relatively smoothly after that, and you almost wonder if you made that incident up. The only thing that has changed about his behavior is that he comes to see you more. Not for long, only a few minutes per day. If you make cookies, he’ll ask if he can try some of the dough or try a cookie. If you’re doing the laundry, he’ll ask you about your day as you fold.

You’re currently on your hands and knees scrubbing a particularly obstinate white stain on his couch when you hear Heeseung’s voice behind you. “You know, you should wear leggings more often,” he says.

You don’t turn to look at him. “Yeah, why?”

“They make your ass look perfect,” he says with a laugh. “Of course, it looks best naked.”

You’re about to ask him how he would know how your ass looks naked before he’s already wandered off. About two minutes later, you can hear him in his room playing a low-grade pornography, his own moans mixing in with the fake screams of pleasure from the women. You put your headphones on and try to drown the sound out- even the sound of Heeseung calling your own name.

This goes on for a while, and it only gets worse. Now he leaves his door open so the sound of him jerking off echoes through the apartment. When you’re trying to sleep, you can hear the severely un-titillating sounds of the brother-con hentai he watches.

One day, you’re rummaging through your underwear drawer trying to find your comfortable, plain bra. You realize that it’s missing, and your anger reaches a boiling point. You stomp over to his room and knock on the door. “Heeseung,” you growl.

Heeseung opens the door nonchalantly and smiles. “Hi,” he says innocently, “could you clean my room for me?”

“Could I what? Heeseung, did you steal m-,”

“And could you wear this while you do it?” As if he had been expecting you, Heeseung walks over to his bed and hands you the maid outfit, your missing bra, and that pair of your favorite panties. All of them were coated in globs of cum in various stages of hardening, especially your panties.

“Heeseung!” You take a step back from him. “I’m not doing that, for fuck’s sake.”

Heeseung just smiles at you. “I think you should.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Either you wear this, or make you pay your share of the rent.” Heeseung leans towards you, and you can smell his fruity, sickly breath. “The choice is yours, of course.”

“You’re insane,” you say, leaning away from him.

“Whatever. Now get in the maid outfit.”

Tears well in your eyes as you head to your room to don the most humiliating outfit you’ve ever seen. When you put the bra and panties on, his cum oozes out of them and drips onto the floor.  The maid outfit is sticky all over, and you shiver. You don’t even look yourself in the mirror before leaving your room to see Heeseung again. His hand is already wrapped around his dick by the time you walk out, his boxers resting around his ankles.

“Wait, wait,” Heeseung says, holding up his free hand. “Don’t walk to me. Crawl to me.”

The humiliation forces your head down as you sink to your hands and knees and crawl towards Heeseung. When he sees you at his feet, Heeseung smiles, still stroking his cock. “Such a cute little maid,” he says. “Now get up on your knees, come on. Be good.”

You prop yourself up on your knees, so that you’re level with his crotch. “Now,” he says softly, “open wide.”

You close your eyes, open your mouth, and Heeseung slides his cock into your mouth. When he does, he moans loudly, and he grabs at your hair. Heeseung fucks your mouth like it’s a pussy, and the musty state of his cock makes you gag the entire time. His balls slap against your face, and he keeps whimpering pathetically. His other hand reaches down and squeezes one tit after the other, and within no time he’s pulling his cock out of your mouth, tugging it hurriedly, and finishing all over your face. He tugs his boxers up to his waist again and sighs. “That was great,” he says, affectionately ruffling your hair. “Whenever you’re ready, you can come inside my room and tidy it up. I know it bothers you that I’m so messy…”

Your jaw is too sore to speak, and for a moment you just lie there on the floor in the hallway. None of it seems real, none of it makes sense to you. The worst part of it all is that you can feel wetness pooling in between your thighs, which makes you groan softly.

A little while later, Heeseung emerges from his room. He crouches down and strokes your hair. “You want me to get you something?” he asks soothingly. “Some water, juice?”

“Water would be nice.” You cough a few times. Heeseung gets up and comes back shortly with a bottle of water that he opens for you. You pull yourself up so that you’re sitting, legs crossed, and you drink the water while Heeseung pats your hair comfortingly. Once you calm down, you and Heeseung head inside of his room.

It’s disgusting, which is an understatement. The bed is unmade and piled with stained pillows, the floor is spattered with cum, his bookshelf is a horrid mishmash of coding textbooks and manga, his closet is filled with clothes, of which only half are on hangers. His desk area is relatively clean, but one of his three monitors is playing some filthy pornography. The other has Discord open, and the third has some weird game you don’t recognize open. Worst of all is the pocket pussy resting on his gaming chair.

You sigh. Seems like you have a lot of work to do.

--

Over the next few months, you start to realize that Heeseung is treating you like a pseudo-girlfriend. He changes your contract so that he pays for virtually all of the rent, as well as the groceries. He even gives you a hefty monthly allowance, enough that you can start building up your savings.

Of course, you doubt that a regular boyfriend would treat you the way Heeseung does. For one, ever since you cleaned his room the first time, he expects you to clean it every day while donning a humiliating outfit of his choosing. He likes to have you walk around in the apartment wearing striped microkinis, plaid skirts with black G-strings, nurse costumes, maid outfits, and an elaborate swimsuit cosplay of his favorite League of Legends character. He’ll watch you as you clean his room clad in whatever skimpy outfit he’s gifted you, commenting on your body. Other times, he’ll come up behind you as you’re in the kitchen or living room and grope your ass or tits before wandering back to his cave. That’s what he does on a regular basis.

Lately, he’s been fucking you. It started when you were eating a bowl of cereal before heading off to work. You had heard his room door creak open, then his dragging, lumbering footsteps.

“Good morning,” he had whispered, placing his hands on your shoulders. “You’ve got a little something…”

Before you could say anything, Heeseung had licked the tip of his finger and swiped up the bit of milk lingering by the corner of your mouth. He stuck his finger into his mouth, still hovering over you. Every time you took a bite of cereal, trying to finish up as quickly as you could, he would wipe your face and then suck the milk off of his fingers. His other hand rested on your shoulder, rubbing it slightly, until it slid down lower and lower. As he ran his thumb against the corner of your mouth, he slowly began groping your breasts. Heeseung pressed his lips against yours, both of his hands fondling you.

You had pulled your lips away. “Stop. I just ironed this shirt…”

“Sorry,” he had said, buttoning your shirt from behind. As soon as it was sufficiently open, he groped your tits directly, his lips on yours. He had a greedy, selfish way of kissing you; his tongue would slither down your throat, gagging you. Heeseung had unbuttoned the rest of your shirt, then he pushed your cereal to the side. He pushed you down onto the dining table, your chest pressing against the wood. You could feel his hands tugging your damp panties to the side.

“Such a nice pussy,” he had murmured. You heard him spit, then you felt cool fingers pumping themselves in and out of you. You bit your lip so you couldn’t give him the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Heeseung only prepped you just enough to get you wet, then he stuffed himself inside of you, inch by inch.

Your hands curled, desperately trying to find any purchase. It had been a long time since you had anything inside of you, and you welcomed the pleasure. But you couldn’t let Heeseung know that.

His gnarled fingernails dug into your soft flesh as he pounded away at you. He wasn’t particularly vocal, only making soft moans of pleasure. Sometimes, he would drag himself out of you, then slam back inside. He smacked your ass. “Just look at that shit jiggle,” he said breathlessly. “I want to try that out next…”

With that, he had slid his fingers into your tight hole, and you couldn’t hold back a gasp. Heeseung pumped his fingers in and out of the band of muscle, widening it. You had never taken anything up your ass before, and your toes curled in fear and anticipation.

You felt him slip out of your pussy, and the painful stretch of his cock opening your asshole replaced the pleasure you had previously felt. Heeseung groaned as he fucked your ass raw, only the precum that had dribbled from his cock for lube. Fortunately, he didn’t last, pumping your ass full with hot cum before pulling out of you. “Your pussy is definitely better,” he had muttered before walking away. While you rested against the table, trying to recollect yourself, you heard him booting up another game of League of Legends. With a palpable sense of shame, you finished yourself off right there as your cheek pressed against the table, your fingers wildly swirling against your engorged clit. You came with a shudder, then you darted into the bathroom to clean yourself up and go to work.

He never fucked your ass again, but your pussy and mouth were fair game for him. Whenever he sees you now, wearing the outfits he picks for you, he shoves his fingers down your throat. Once your throat is pliant and his fingers are coated in your spit, he either make you blow him or he fingers you wherever you are, his other hand stroking all over your body. Then he goes back into his room while you’re there, dripping wet. Heeseung likes having you wet all the time, so he can fuck you at his convenience.

Like right now, he was playing another game of Overwatch, hunched over his controller and eyes laser-focused on the screen. You were on your hands and knees, pushing yourself back and forth on his dick. This time, he had made you wear a cow-print bikini, complete with a bell; every time you fucked yourself on his cock, it would jingle.

“Fuck,” Heeseung says, voice ragged, “my team’s Tracer is so shit at kiting. It’s such a basic concept.”

“That really sucks,” you say through gritted teeth.

Heeseung reaches his hand out and touches your cheek, rubbing his thumb along your lips. “You’re such a good listener,” he coos, lazily thrusting as he removes his hand and continues playing his game. He soon stops moving, and you have to pick up his slack, rocking yourself as fast as you can so he can cum and be done with it. “Ah, stop going so fast,” Heeseung says, lightly slapping your ass. “I want to sync my nut up for when I use my ultimate.”

As you heed his instructions, you squeeze your eyes shut and tell yourself that homelessness is a far worse prospect than this, homelessness is bad, you wouldn’t like a homeless shelter.

It wasn’t like he didn’t jerk off anymore, either. He did, maybe even more than before he started using you. Heeseung liked to spread his legs, milk his cock right in front of you, then lick up the cum off of the couch while he told you to play with yourself. Whenever you got close to cumming, he would tell you to stop and do some task for him. Then, when you were scrubbing the dishes or wiping down his desk, he would plunge his cock into you and fuck you until you were twitching and crying out. Other times, he would make you sit in his room with him. He would sit you on his lap while he watched some degenerate hentai, and he would make you jerk him off while he fondled your tits and rubbed your clit.

Once, you went to bed early because you had a hard day at work. Your dream is odd; you’re running from a ghost in a dilapidated mansion. You can’t see it, but you can feel its presence. Then you feel it catch you, its hands wrapping around your waist, your tits. The ghost rubs your body slowly, almost tenderly, and you can feel its hardness pressing against your ass as you’re suspended in the air.

When you open your eyes, you realize that it wasn’t a dream, not quite. There is a hand that has slipped under your shirt, caressing your chest, and another hand on your waist. And someone is humping you, whimpering as he does. Quite belatedly, you realize that your pajama pants have been pulled down.

“Heeseung?” you whisper sleepily.

“Shh,” he says, “just go back to sleep, okay? I’ll be done soon.”

You’re too tired from everything to fight it, so your eyes flutter shut. Heeseung slowly thrusts into you, almost like he doesn’t want to wake you, and you smile slightly at the sentiment. He fucks you lazily and slowly, and only speeds up when he’s about to cum. He cums inside of you and uses his fingers to push his seed back up.

“Thanks for letting me do that,” he whispers before leaving you alone.

As you’re drifting to sleep again, you can hear him telling someone to, “Fucking stop camping.”

This is still better than being homeless.

[awesomesaurous]

-rant, please excuse the salt-

I really wish Don’t Starve Together was a different genre of game. I know that’s stupid because the objective “Don’t Starve” is the whole foundation of it, but I kind of just wish I could take the look and the loose story and make it more of an adventure and less of a never-ending survival game. I think in the Hamlet DLC for the base game, the “town” aspects of it scratched that itch a little bit, but I want more. The interface could even look exactly the same. I played the demo of Cult of the Lamb, and that game has a similar top-down 2D look to Don’t Starve, except there are in-game “cutscenes” and you have dialogue options which advance the creepy little narrative. Hollow Knight was good with this too. It’s a metroidvania, so there’s no crafting at all (I don’t consider status upgrades to be crafting), but like most RPGs with a silent protagonist, the story is furthered through exploration and interaction with NPCs. Some people love survival games, and I enjoy them quite a bit, but I like them to have an endpoint. The Flame in the Flood has a brutal difficulty curve, but it does reward you for your persistence, and it’s by no means impossible to beat. The journey takes you further and further along a river which at first seems endless - but it does have an end, and that’s what I want, I guess. Closure.

Hades is one of the most enjoyable games I’ve ever played, and the main reason was how much you are rewarded, even for failed attempts. You might totally choke on a run, but even so, every time you venture out you’re gaining more darkness/gems/etc that you can invest back into your stats and weapons. As in - there is no wrong way to play the game, you will move forward and improve no matter what. I love that. DST has finally dipped into this territory with Wilson’s skill tree, but I think they ought to give every character a similar mechanic. The skills would be specific to each character, and I think would give players more of an incentive to do repeat runs. At a certain point the whole game gets boring, and depending on my mood I sometimes boot it up, think about all the trees I’m going to have to cut down, and then immediately close the game, because I’m sick of doing virtual chores.

Stardew Valley was so addictive for me that I had to delete the game to get control of my life back. That game is nothing but farming and chores, yet I didn’t get tired of it. I think that’s because if you want to, you can ignore any aspect of the game you don’t care for, and time will pass anyway. You can spend all your time farming, or just mining, or focus on relationships with NPCs. Obviously with Don’t Starve, you can’t ignore food because starvation is an ever-present threat.

I also don’t give a damn about boss fights. I never have, in any game. I’m always eager for them to be over so I can get back to actually enjoying the game again, but nope I have to hit this thing 1000 times without getting permanently killed. Don’t Starve’s fighting system is shit, and it always has been. The hit boxes suck, and the fact that I need to download mods just to see health levels for the enemy is ridiculous.

I’ve had a lot of fun with DST, but I think I enjoy the fandom stuff more than the actual game. Same with TF2. It’s pretty fun to play, but I enjoy watching SFM videos and stuff like that more than playing the actual game. Don’t Starve has such fun characters and such an appealing style that it draws people in, and the animated shorts promise this wider world and a more intriguing story that isn’t in the actual game. Most players won’t even get to the cryptic hints at the story that are in the actual game (the Ruins, etc) due to the difficulty curve.

There’s a lot of creative energy and highly imaginative world-building, but when are we going to see it put to use? If anybody has any thoughts on all this, feel free to leave a reply.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

A starter guide on Ubuntu-Linux, from a non-techie to other non-techies

Preamble (a.k.a. the story/rant before the recipe, feel free to skip or not as you wish)

Several years ago, I got a laptop for college purposes; it ran on Windows 10 with decent reliability for a few years, but then it started getting slower and slower, the bloatware (programs and apps that companies pre-install in your devices that you cannot remove) was just tremendously bothersome, my computer would start updating all of a sudden and be at it for hours, etc, etc.

And so my dad suggested I switched to Ubuntu (he had been using it for a few years himself at that point), and... I'm not going to lie to you. I was scared. Was it going to be too different? Wouldn't it require far more computer knowledge than what I already had? Wouldn't the learning curve be too steep? Wouldn't I be unable to do a lot of the stuff I used to do?

Years later my answer is: I don't miss Windows. The learning curve wasn't nearly as steep as I thought it would be. I got acclimated to the system within a couple weeks. There are parts of Ubuntu itself that aren't that up to date (mainly stuff about medium-advanced audio management, streaming through Discord, and semi-pro to pro levels of photo processing), but I have managed to work around most of it with little difficulty (the image processor I use for making gifsets is proprietary sofware --the code of it is not open for transformation by third parties-- but I can work with it mostly fine through a tool called Wine). If what you do with your computer is mainly internet surfing, document writing, listening to music and playing videos (and similar basic stuff) you are unlikely to have any problems working with Ubuntu. But the best, best, best part of it for me? No bloatware. No 8256754 attempts at getting my personal information or tracking me. My computer is fast, as fast as it was when I first got it (the couple times it broke in the last two years had nothing to do with software: it was first the hard drive, and then the fan). No computer deciding to update and leave me waiting whenever it wants. And honestly, that makes every little inconvenience I have faced in Ubuntu worth it, very much worth it.

Linux has a problem

And it is that a loud section of its userbase is made up by techies who have a very unrealistic notion about how much the average person knows about computers.

A few months ago there was a post making the rounds, where OP explained that you can put ubuntu in a pen drive and carry it with you (yes, it is possible and relatively easy to do) and there was a bunch of people in the notes explaining how much better it is to pick Linux Mint, or use a raspberri pi, as if people who don't know you can carry Ubuntu in a pen drive could understand what they are talking about.

My goal with this post is to explain some of the very basics in an accessible language. I will probably use inacurate and generalized language in it for the sake of explaining simply, and will focus on Ubuntu because it is what I know. If you are a Linux fan who loves Linux Mint or whichever other, go ahead and make your own post.

Definitions, yada, yada

So, what is Linux? in plain terms, it is an operating system (Windows and Mac are operating systems) with several variations called distributions. Think of it as Linux being like a family, and the distributions being the members of the family. Some """famous""" members of the Linux family are Ubuntu, Debian, and Red Hat. One of the main distinctive characteristics of Linux distributions at the basic level is that they are free software: it can be used, modified, and redistributed under certain conditions, by everyone.

Where do you get Ubuntu, and how to install it?

You go to www.ubuntu.com/download/desktop. There you will see two items: the first one is a "LTS" (long term support) and the other isn't. What is the difference?

Ubuntu releases a new version every six months, one in april and one in october. So, for example, the version released in april this year is Ubuntu 22.04, also named Jammy Jellyfish, and the one released in october, Ubuntu 22.10 is called Kinetic Kudu. Every two years, in april, a LTS version is released. Jammy Jellyfish is a LTS release. That means it has a 10 years stay, and is a stable, well tested and tweaked release.

What I'm saying here is, get the LTS release.

When you click download, you will see an ISO file of about 4gb. Save it to your hard drive, and get yourself a 4gb or bigger pen drive that is empty and you don't mean to use for anything else.

To install Ubuntu in that pen drive, follow the instructions here. They are short and simple, and the whole process shouldn't take more than half an hour (probably around 15-20 minutes).

Now that you are in possession of Ubuntu-on-a-stick, you can go ahead and reboot your pc, with the stick still connected. Usually the computer itself will recognize the system and open it, or ask you between the two options of system. This is not installing Ubuntu yet, but you need to be careful.

Next it will show you a menu with two options: to install Ubuntu, or to try it out. DO NOT CLICK ON INSTALL UBUNTU IF YOU STILL HAVE UNBACKED STUFF OR ARE UNSURE YOU WANT UBUNTU YET. It will format your hard drive and all of that will be lost. The try option, on the other hand, works from the stick and does not format your hard drive.

Try Ubuntu will allow you to see how the basic system would look upon installation, and it will also be what you'd use if you were carrying Ubuntu on a stick to use in other computers. You cannot really modify much there, but if you choose to install the system, it is very, very, very customizable. You can tweak it and add and change the position of menus, clock, desktop icons (At first I thought you couldn't have those because they don't appear there by default! But you can! You just need to add them yourself).

To install Ubuntu on your computer, follow the instructions here. The process, again, is described short and simple, it doesn't take long, and the thing itself guides you step by step.

It is possible to make a disk partition, and have Windows in one part of the hard drive, and Ubuntu on the other. I myself have never done this and don't know how it is done. But if you want to try that, there are many tutorials on the internet about how to do it, I just don't have a specific one to recommend.

A couple more things

Once your new system is up and running, and you are customizing it, there are a couple basic things to know that are helpful:

Between the programs that come with the system, there's one called terminal. Terminal allows you to write direct commands to your computer. For example, instead of opening a program from its icon, you can type the name of the program (for example, "VLC") in terminal, and it will open it.

Similarly, you have two ways to install programs: one, like windows, by downloading the package and opening it with double click, the other by writing in the terminal "sudo apt-get install [name of package]". Some packages will already be in the cloud in what is called repositories, and just by typing "sudo apt-get install [name of program]" terminal will download and install it for you.

Like Windows, Ubuntu will give you messages about updates being available; unlike windows, you can install those whenever you want, and they run on the background (you can use your pc while it updates).

Alternatively you can just update your computer whenever you want by opening terminal and writing "sudo apt update" and then "sudo apt upgrade". I myself do that every day.

There are a few programs like get-iplayer (to get stuff from BBC Sounds) and youtube-dl (to get stuff from YT) that work in terminal only.

Terminal is very cool and if you are like me it will make you feel like a hacker in a 90s spy movie.

www.askubuntu.com is a forum that has answers for everything you might face as a problem or challenge while using Ubuntu. It is great.

If you do give Ubuntu a try and have any relatively basic questions I can answer about it, feel free to shoot an ask or message me, and I will help if I can!

[sledge-in-space]

You know, I've debated writing this for a long time. Because I know it's going to sound incredibly stupid.

But for a character who seems to matter so little in the grand scheme of things, Joey Hudson matters so much to me. She was our friend. She endured so much. And when we come to rescue her we can see that she broke out of her cell with a shank as her only weapon.

We can see that she killed at least three peggies during her escape. That she was laying low and most likely waiting for John.

She thought she was going to be trapped down there forever, and that eventually she was going to be killed. But she still fought at every step of the way, because she was going to go out fighting. We can see her resilience, tenacity and anger in her voice lines. And despite how much she suffered, she wasnt going to leave the other prisoners behind.

And I know she's just a character in a ubisoft game. We get glimpses of her personality but she isnt nearly as well rounded as some other members of the cast. In the end she dies anyway, so what does it matter?

It matters to me because it feels like a lot of people don't seem to care about what happened to her.

I think it's sad and honestly a little sickening that most of her worst moments have been gifed to hell and back, all the while there are people who wish they were in her position. Because if it were them, they could fuck John or get fucked by him.

I already feel like John is portrayed as being a bit of a creep, with the level of obsession he displays and how fulfilling he finds the act of hurting others. But when people wish they were in her position, or download shirtless mods for John in cutscenes where she's also present, it suddenly feels like Joey is in danger of something more sinister than torture.

I'm not blind. I understand why people like him as a villain and a character. But excluding Joey from the story or trivializing the cruel, sick torture she went through so that John gets full, unrestricted access to your dep?

It just doesn't feel right or fair in my opinion.

Which I know sounds ridiculous because it's a video game and none of the characters are real. It would be completely audacious of me to say that no one should like him, or that it is somehow morally unjust to ignore his cruelty.

I don't think liking "bad guy" characters is indicative of having no morals or empathy. I like a lot of characters from different media that have done terrible things. Plenty that are even worse than John. And you shouldn't have to justify why you like something, because your reasons are your own. I firmly believe that fiction is the perfect place to explore whatever you want for whatever reason you want.

It isn't my intention to police anyone.

But there's something about how Joey was treated that feels very wrong to me. John hurt her brutally and we can only specualte as to what he actually did, but we can see and hear the toll that it took on her. And for as long as the game has had a fandom she's been routinely ignored - I believe this is because John is by far a fan favorite, though I acknowledge that this is speculative and accusatory. Or, she gets made into some damsel in distress. All because she has an ungodly amount of mascara on her face in some scenes.

Quick tanget: For the amount of makeup she was wearing when the Sheriff's Dept. stormed Joseph's Compound - which was minimal at most - the runny mascara is just way too extreme (just a small detail that I personally can't stand).

But back to the point.

At least in fandom, if she isn't a damsel, and if she isnt discarded, then her friend and partner - the player character - is fucking the man who tortured her and broadcast her agony across the entire county. In front of her community, so she could be humiliated and broken in front of everyone. It didn't work - unlike like Pratt and Burke, she didn't break (though it's not a contest and I'm not trying to diminish their strength either) - but that didn't stop John from trying.

There's no shortage of people in the fandom who love her, who've showered her with girlfriends and boyfriends and made sure she had a happy ending somewhere. There's been fan art and fic, mods on pc that let her fight alongside you. I've seen a lot of people order commissions of her, myself included. Even my best friend has drawn her so many times it's hard to keep track.

Still, it feels like people are so quick to forget or disregard what happened to her. It was the same in 2018 as it is now, and with so many years having passed I don't anticipate she'll see much of a fandom resurgence.

I think thats a shame. I think her potential was wasted. And that sucks especially hard because of how strong she was made out to be.

[hoghtastic]

I think the nun costume stories are from different days.

I have no idea if this counts as off topic but I wish the one fan account that went offline a year ago was still active during a time like this. The one with the funny content. Often a lil cheeky. I think she/he left because of Mexico and the politicians. She/he didn't pander to Alex like others. No fan account was like hers or his? I really have to say there are great fan accounts, whether they like his gf or not, but I think there are also really bad ones that are borderline cheap. One of them is particularly inferior to the others. 

At first I was confused because I thought the funny account was back under a new name, but at some point I realized that the content was just much worse. Maybe she just wanted to copy the other account's style? The original account never sexualized Alex as much. Then I knew OK, it had to be someone else. I was a little disappointed not gonna lie. I was a bit shocked at how much information I got when I briefly asked what others thought about the account I’m referring to. 

Supposedly it was already a topic on the old blog. She's into private information about Alex and sticks with people who can give her private videos. I heard that she gets really excited when Alex's parents or others see her stories, supposedly she thinks that Alex watches all of her stories with a fake account. About that I wasn’t as surprised, you notice very strongly that she desperately desires acknowledgment and likes from Alex and his gf for her comments and captions but masks it as support. She likes his family’s comments under Alex gf’s comments and tries to involve in everything Alex. But her captions and comments for Alex are borderline obsessed. You could think Alex is a god and not a human being when you see her comments. But again, many of her comments are aimed at her hoping or thinking that he and others of his people see her stories. 

She is the type of fan account that likes to allude to hate towards his gf in her captions in order to portray herself as a true fan. She also gets attached to better fan accounts, actually a really REALLY good fan account that has good content, seems to be close to her. It's crazy how extreme some fans see Alex. He’s only human. Seriously, I would also like to watch private videos but this kind of worship is delusional.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, anon. 😊 I believe that, as long as there will be celebrities, there will always be the extreme fans who put them on a pedestal, to whom they can do no wrong. However, it's important to understand that they're only human, like the rest of us, who happen to have made some career choices which gave them more exposition. However, they still have their flaws and are far from perfect. And this is why I disagree with the "censorship culture" I've seen on some Alex fanpages, especially since he started dating Johanne, where people were called out and deemed "not true supporters" if they dared criticize him and/or her. Not everything they do is bad, obviously, but they're not perfect either, and if people would like to comment on it, as long as they keep being respectful, they should be allowed to do so.

About the private videos, I believe they're private for a reason. Most of the time, they belong to people who are not public figures, and therefore such content should never be downloaded nor shared among fanpages. If not illegal, it's at the very least morally wrong. And even if people don't straightforwardly share it, just "hinting" at having them and/or knowing private info, to make themselves look more important or "better fanpages" is just childish and a desperate need for attention, in my opinion. (It reminds me of those irritating kids in elementary school, "Ooh I know this and that, but I won't tell you! Haha! 😜". Like, either share it (knowing it's stolen, private content and therefore you shouldn't be doing it) or just shut up and keep it to yourself. 😆)

[moosekababs]

holy shit an actual blog post

hahe time to ramble

im off one of my meds so i'm like highkey derealizing rn. and my head is also pounding at the same time. its like i'm having input lag to my body its weird. but anyway

i've been in this weird mindset where i'll see a historical video that my brain says is not popular enough to get widespread recognition and i'll just. download it. i've been downoading weird history political videos sort of? like i just downloaded this one about the civil rights movement where they interviewed a white man who joined a protest for equal right (in the way way way back days of black and white film)

i also have one saved of an interview on a gameshow thing of the last living person (at the time) to be a witness to the assassination of abraham lincoln. I saw this old guy talking on this show and i was like. no i have to save that. and part of me is like "ew am i being american. am i having a murica moment. is this the lifelong conditioning kicking back up?" but like no.... just because it's american history doesn't mean i'm being a common american scrublord , these are important things to preserve. and i am lucky enough to have stumbled upon them and i want to keep them and keep them safe for the future. idk. i just think the experiences of common people are important. i like stuff from just random passers by. i want to know more about how people thought and behaved in the past. we don't really have any recollection about the average joe's views of things throughout history, besides some notable outliers. Everything is sort of left up to authors, i think.

I wish more creedence was given to the account of the random bystander. I wish we didn't wait until journal pages were deteriorate past the point of even partial restoration to care about what an average person had to say. granted, im kind of talking out of my ass because i'm not that well versed in history, i only recently started liking it and before it was like repulsive to me fsr, but now i've figured out how to like it and why its interesting to me and i'm getting into it but. we're privledged enough to have a background of hundreds of thousands of years worth of written documentation but just, anyone. anyone with a pencil or pen or quill. there are societies that don't have that. there are cultures that have no histor yavailable. it feels bad to just, take our access to personal accounts for granted. idk. idk what i'm saying, really, like i said im derealizing rn so i'm like trying to bake using those dinosaur bity arm things instead of my hands basically. but. yeah.

[etraytin]

I started this in the tags, but it got really long and complicated so fuck it, we ball.

If this site or the internet as we know it had been around when I was 11 instead of it being a mass of BBS networks where you could book an hour of online time to download .bmp files of extremely pixelated and blurry soda pop cans, I would've spent every waking moment talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation. Little me was so, so, so into Star Trek that it wraps around from not even funny to actually very funny. I saw the Season One episode "The Arsenal of Freedom" in a hotel room with my folks on a vacation to the Amana Colonies and I couldn't stop thinking about it for the entire rest of the trip. (I later figured out that what had really grabbed me by the throat was "hurt/comfort story" but by the time I realized that I was way too deep into the fandom to get out.)

For the rest of my childhood and early adolescence, I was in very deep on Star Trek. My folks were already fans, which is why I saw it in the first place, so even without the internet or any instant video service I had a deep well of material in the form of the first 25 or so TNG novels and a whole bunch of TOS novels as well (which I read later when I became desperate.) I read all the ones heavily featuring Dr. Crusher first because she was my favorite, then the ones with Troi and with Tasha Yar because they were the other women, and then when that scant handful of books was done, I read the others. I had nowhere to go with my disappointment about the lack of developed female characters in the series, so I just thought about it to myself. I was growing up in the evangelical church at that time too, so my disquiet with women being pushed into offscreen support roles was fairly pervasive but not something to be spoken too loudly.

I developed a series of incredibly elaborate mental fanfics (didn't know that word yet either) where my middle school friends and I developed Q powers and traveled with the Enterprise, having hijinks and righting wrongs. I enjoyed this sort of daydreaming enough that it consumed a lot of my attention, something I only realized might be a problem when I caught myself hoping that the Enterprise would beam me up soon so I didn't have to finish practicing my clarinet. ("Hyperfixation" and "Maladaptive daydreaming" were words I wouldn't learn for another few decades either, but I knew what they were.) After that point I continued making fics in my head, but I invented characters to project onto because it felt much safer. I jotted fic ideas down in my school notebooks and even doodled a few pictures but I never did anything with them because there was nowhere to go with them. I also enjoyed reading about Star Trek, so my birthdays and Christmases were full of Nitpickers Guides and Compendiums and Unofficial Series Bibles and all kinds of new things to learn about Star Trek that wasn't just the canon material! It was great, but a little frustrating that the information was so hard to come by and the books were always so expensive. I always wished there were more and that I could maybe write some of it myself.

By the time I finished high school, the internet was becoming a much more accessible space for people who didn't want to spend most of their first online year just learning to internet at all, and fannish spaces were blooming like flowers. My personal fandom had mostly moved on by that time and I was much more involved in The X-Files, which was full of mystery and drama and a female lead who got both lines _and_ plot action to deliver. I met my husband in an AOL X-Files adjacent RP chat in 1998 so that fandom remains dear to me as well, but that's another story.

To circle (finally) back to the actual question, eleven year old me on Tumblr would've been the most stereotypical, most Mary-Suified, most writing-fan-letters-to-Diane-Duane-every-week little fangirl you can possibly imagine, and I love her for that. My way of dealing with younger fans and less adept fannish behavior changed a lot after college when I learned to forgive and embrace what I had thought of as cringe (again before that was a thing) but was actually the sincerest and most open form of fandom appreciation. I may not want to read what today's middle schoolers are putting into the fandoms I'm in, but oh my god, am I pleased that they have a place to put it! It costs nothing to toss them a kudos and some encouraging words. To find something you love in fandom at 11 or 12 is to have a warm blanket against the bitter cold of adolescence, and to belong to a fandom is to have a group who understands the metaphors for all the things you feel and can't explain except in anecdotes or song lyrics.

If I'd had Tumblr when I was 11, both it and I would undoubtedly have been a little weirder for it, but I like to think it would be in a good way.

If you guys were on here at 11 years old what would you be posting about

[randadrives]

A Year in Review

It has officially been an entire year since the last shift I worked in law enforcement. That means it has also been a year since I moved out of a house, rid myself of most of my belongings, and moved completely into my new (to me) travel trailer. I had many moments in time this past year that I would stop, breathe in, and marvel at where my decision-making has brought me. I could not have predicted the paths I would take up to this point. I reflect often to help keep myself grounded. Today I want to reflect specifically on how life has improved and in what capacities. I wasn’t sure how I would summarize the things I have gained this past year, so I’m winging it. Most of what I’ve gained in this year is interconnected in some way: a sense of adventure, independence, human connection, new experiences, a decrease in stress, better sleep, knowledge from making mistakes. I believe I couldn’t have one of these things without the others.

Disclaimer: As many of my close friends and family are aware, the first two months of this lifestyle change were difficult for me. This was mainly due to my own negative attitude, but looking back and granting myself some grace, I was going through a lot at the time. We will call that my “transitional period.”

The most difficult part in the beginning of a big lifestyle change isn’t the actual execution, but convincing yourself that you are capable. I’m a big proponent of exposure therapy. Don’t feel like you can do something? You won’t know until you try. Are you really bad at something? Doing it more will probably help. Don’t have the knowledge to do something? Surround yourself with podcasts, books, articles, Facebook groups, and YouTube videos on the subject. Doing things independently was not an natural task for me in the beginning, because up until that point I’d be in group situations my entire life. I did almost nothing alone in my jobs as an adult, and all the sudden I was doing literally everything alone. I had the choice to hide in my trailer all day every day, or embrace being my own best friend. I forced myself to drive to states I had never seen. I had everything I needed between my travel trailer and truck, so that eased my anxiety for the most part. Then when I’d get there, I would make myself do the things I thought were interesting. Look at landmarks, national historic sites, go to museums, eat local cuisine. I’d make myself hike alone in environments I’d never experienced before. It was terrifying to think about. I would over prepare, which isn’t a bad thing! I had downloaded offline maps, I would share my location with at least 3 friends, carry a GPS satellite device, a bag full of tools I might need if things went wrong, and beforehand I would research every predator in the area, so I knew what to do if attacked (honestly I don’t suggest this one . . .). It was uncomfortable. But I never regretted a single moment. I would be scared until I started, then the fear would drop, and I couldn’t imagine anything I’d rather be doing. I started gaining confidence in my choices and movements. I was feeling more like the independent person I so desired to be. I was slowly letting go of the fear of missing out, because I was not waiting on anyone to do the things I wanted to do. My wants were shifting as well. The thought of a night out in Pittsburgh repulses me now, but 25-year-old me would have thought a 6 mile hike in the desert or the mountains would be daunting and she would be incapable. I wish I could say my brain has shut off all my “worst case scenario” ways of thinking, but some things take time to change – or don’t change at all. Realistically, as long as I don’t let that get in my way of enjoying things anymore, I call it a win. I have gone from being afraid to be alone, to cherishing my solitude. Going solo has spoiled me, giving me the ability to do things at my own speed and budget.

      Learning how to do things alone leads me to so many new experiences, as well as the ability to find and feel joy in everyday life. Nights at a dive bar after a 3-11 shift turned into nights of stargazing. All the sudden the sky, and what it was doing at any particular time, became very important to me.  I had time to keep track of the moon phases and start learning constellations like when I was a child. I was able to catch meteor showers and super moons. Sunrise hikes were my favorite way to avoid doing activities in the heat of the afternoon, and having a drink at sunset with friends or dogs was exhilarating. One evening in Tucson, I was doing just that: Sitting in my favorite chair with one of my favorite people and my dog, surrounded by Ironwood trees and globemallows, enjoying a seltzer with sunset views; all the sudden, what looked to be a rocket in the distance appeared over the mountain range, and we unexpectedly were enjoying a fantastic seat for a SpaceX launch from 500 miles away in California.

This past year I’ve pursued experiencing all of what the U.S. has to offer by taking advantage of National Parks and state parks. These areas are a great testament to the diverse geographical features of the land, as well as preserving nature and history. I value living in the moment now. When I see a plant that is interesting to me, I find out what it is. I rely heavily on my Merlin app to keep track of the birds I see and hear. I have time and the conscience to actually stop and observe my surroundings, to breathe. I hate to admit before the lifestyle change, these things were difficult for me to do. I was too wrapped up in the stress of my life, in work, in my phone and my notifications all day long. That’s one thing I noticed early on about hiking, as well as driving long distance, was I enjoyed the trails and sections of road where I had no service because not a single notification would get in the way of me being present. I was addicted to the convenient distraction. Now when I visit friends, I notice more how badly we are all addicted and absorbed in our screens. I’m still working actively on the effort it takes to put it down. Unplugging more frequently, letting go of mindlessly scrolling, had great benefits on my mental health.

A huge part of being in the moment for me was cutting back on alcohol. I will keep that topic short, but I rarely drink now, which means I rarely miss out on things I want to do due to being hungover. I remember more of what I’m experiencing because I’m not drinking. I will not lecture anyone on why alcohol is evil, and I’ll have the occasional beverage, but there was everything to gain from not drinking the way I was before.

Traveling the road solo had me concerned that I would miss connection, had me thinking I would have to learn to live in loneliness. If anything, I believe travel has led me to more genuine human connections. Meeting other travelers, nomads, and even locals opened my mind to alternative styles of living you won’t run into often staying in the northeast. I have made friends with other work campers and with people who have retired early and adventure full-time in their vehicles. The conversations are different with people who live so intentionally. I don’t think “small talk” exists in this type of life! At one point I was making an income pet sitting and dog walking. I was at Dead Horse Point State Park, dog sitting for a wedding officiant who ran her own business. Another business owner, the photographer of the wedding, stopped and looked at us both and said something to the effect of “I just think it’s so cool that the three of us don’t even know each other but are standing at such an amazing spot in the country, making money our own ways.” Sharing that moment with these two women was fantastic. I think back to another moment, a night I had decided to take myself out for dinner. Being solo, I tend to sit at bars so as not to take up an entire table. The bar I happened to be sitting at was FULL of other solo travelers, and we all spent the next hour eating together and swapping stories of where we had just come from, and where we were headed next. Recently I was able to meet a person I met through Instagram all the way in California for a concert (apparently that’s not just for influencers). Connection has a different meaning for me after this year than it did before.

Above all, my biggest gain has been learning to let go of the constant need to accomplish goals or to be achieving tasks. I have learned that not every single day is meant for self-improvement. It is permissible to just exist some days. I’m not sure how I consistently worked 16 hour days at one point in time. I was not living, just surviving. At the time, I was so grateful to live that way. Now I would be pissed if I still felt like it was necessary for me to do that, to work my life away. I feel sorry sometimes for the woman I was in my 20’s, forever the people-pleaser. There is a freedom I have gained. There is not an exact moment I can pinpoint that my attitude changed, but I don’t think it happens that way. It is a buildup. It’s one too many injuries, just a bit too much stress, it’s not enough time to balance everything deemed important. It required a lot for me to say I was done and walk away from everything I felt I was responsible for.

Honorable mention: I learned how to ask for help. I cringe just typing it, but there it is. If I didn’t have the ability to do that, I wouldn’t have been able to do any renovations to my trailer, or to even back it into a spot half the time. Here’s a shout out to every random old man I made feel like it was my first time towing, every single time.

As I reflect, I wish I could bottle up this feeling and gift it to everyone I care about. It was not an easy year, but that’s what I loved about it most. If it were easy, I would not have gained so much. I hope everyone has the opportunity to try something that makes them uncomfortable, and I hope having that courage leads them to experiences they never imagined. But . . . maybe I’m just a weirdo who likes “type B” fun.

[fm-r-iznow]

OMNISPHERE 2

I JUST DOWNLOADED WOW!!!! and in comparison, to Native Instruments. a big difference. I'm going to try not to sound like a complete hater because Karma is a rough thing on the inner regions that will mess you up totally.

Okay I Purchased Komplet solely for the purpose of getting Abynth 5

but when I got it I did not know you had to set up kontakt since anthing else never needed a player anyway. I've bought plugins before, and it never needed these things before. Long rabbit hole depression story later. I somehow figured it out on my own. which nobody explained to me beforehand.

which I know indicates I'm not very bright. Perhaps...

anyway

I buckled down and bought Omnisphere despite what I heard some guy on youtube said Omnisphere is overrated. Now coming from a guy who makes Beats. He says. I would imagine he needs a more minimal Pallet of sounds. comprisingly of drums dominantly which is fine. I do not scoff, and another guy who he is in a back and forth "war" about the community and what not. and the guy is doing a complete.

hate on bringing their own children into it. with accusations of evil demons and hating on each other's women, I think. and then the other guy stated omnisphere is now deleted from his computer because CPU issues and so on. and Later in another video He does a video where he reinstalls Omnisphere.

As entertaining as this can be I find it dizzying.

One article on google said you needed like 200 GBs to install the software for content and to record with it.

and you may need to use a an external drive to store these plugins.

from todays experience this is not true at all.

And honestly, I wish I did not buy the Komplete 3 years ago. It really fucked me up emotionally spiritually and physically. which I can't blame it entirely on Native Instrument people. In the end I blame myself for not completely moving on which I tried and it wayed heavily on my mind and was reminded by this mistake often by my significate other.

In comparrison. having what I paid for three years ago I feel vindicated. Now comparing the two companies.

Komplete. Its good I feel like now I didn't waste my money now and I can stop kickng my ASS for it. everything works and now I need to figure out the drum machines.

Now looking at things is an Eyesore. I'm 53 yrs. old and I wear glasses. and I find the menu a little too small and my eyes strain and tear up. If this was not I problem I would not be in the market for other software. also They discontinued Abynth 5 which I think is amazing and my favorite plugin. which is fullfilled my expectations of what it is.

So today I got The Omnisphere 2 because I wanted to get the Bob Moog tribute plugins. but I also wanted the Omnisphere. reason being getting into Hard Synths was another rabbit hole for me. with with novation. but thats another story all together

basically, I don't have space for Moogs all over my office so the plugins are my best option until I get a house.

So Omnisphere off the bat is very intuitive as to what.

I want to record. The sounds are amazing. I've already recorded 3 test tracks just to see what I'm dealing with.

The look and functionality of it is great on the eyes and I'm wearing glasses. I don't need to get a 50-inch screen to see what the hell I'm doing. and the sound menu is easy to read and access. whereas Kontakt is confusing. despite the fact it does work and is competent. and yet Omnisphere has better sounds. at this point I don't see why Kontakt is so necessary to a DAW. because a daw never needs Kontakt to be able to use any plugin before. this is what

really messed me up.

Another issue I was worried I got the Omnisphere would I need Kontakt, would it open in my Daw? and would it take a big chunk of GB's? Well the 200 GB scenario is only true with Komplete I had 800 plus GBs on my laptop now down to 630 GBs I thought I needed the whole thing when I only needed Absynth and other ambient sounds.

I'm very happy about that it only took about 64 GBs and honestly the sounds are richer fuller and you can shape it with in the preset itself which tickled me pink. I thought I needed to add other reverbs delay. which does work with Komplete but seems more functional and precise with Omnisphere.

It basically boils down to preference. it the realm of cars. Komplete is more like a gas guzzling Hummer with the promise of Tattoos babes chic Jeans baby gap the gap, pottery barn, flip flops, crocs, a Pitbull a bad ass status with bells and WHISTLES. with a man bud or smooth bald head and lots of finger tattoos.

Omnisphere is more fuel efficient sturdy reliable. there are no tattoos unless you want them and no perfectly groomed beard and and your involved in a realistic loving relationship.

I love the Abynth but the others is lacking to my expectations. which I will buy Plasmonic from the creator Brian Clevinger. later. I'm also getting other Plugins as well. so, You can have both if you want.

You probably have more money than I do and that's not a shocker. Im just glad I don't to spend more money than I have. what a bad Lesson I had to learn. Very bad extremely bad so bad, evil depressing bad.... and bad bad bad andfilm score 2 more times BAD PI

You can both and more. Just don't let the fan boys tell you otherwise.. Im sure they got paid for their review . I for one paid for everything and lost then gained it back somehow by divine intervention.

get them both if you like. if you need to make beats get the drums you like. if you like filmscore get Omnisphere

[soulfulscriptor]

1 month update

It has roughly been a month since I decided to do online side gig and turn them into a functional, profitable business. So the plan has always been to go into business for myself, but I needed Accounting and Finance degrees plus certifications and work experience/networking.

Well you can see that hasn't happened yet. Granted I've been in the, I need to be financially free mindset for about 7 years now. And I had vision blinders on to the point I was blind to all the options out there in the world. I could have been a multimilionair if A. I continued making AMV's and stuff that I was making for fun in highschool and freshman year of college.

So that was right around when YouTube went live. I was in highschool 2004-2009, so you can imagine if I kept on being creative over the last 2 decades, what sort of money that would have brought in. Granted I didn't know until probably 2015, that one could make money off YouTube. Those video's are still live, and some have thousands of views for low quality stuff where I just got pictures off the internet and made a video, sometime putting hours of work into them, until I liked them.

And if I didn't get bored easily of gaming, my gaming channel could have been monitized 7 years ago. Granted no personal computer, so only being able to record on a PS4 at the time, and no way to edit stuff, made me just stop playing all together. Though there will always be potential for the channel to start having videos posted to it again.

But honestly, I thought the markets for everything had been tapped out. I personally don't think I can solve problems, or at least see a problem that needs a new or better solution to what's out there. To myself I'm not creative, as I have a hard time articulating what I'm trying to do, and sometimes it could take months or years for me to finally say or ask what I'm trying to do.

YouTube has away of giving me what I need before I know I need it. And it's been doing that since 2019/2020, though I wish it could have prevented my financial crisis I had that year.

So enough back story.

So 1 month into giving it my to create a better life for my kids. I've had $0 profit. My etsy shops need to be gone through for a 3rd time, and SEO optimized again. I'm struggling with titling things and descriptions and tags. And so far no amount of YouTube video's are helpful besides telling me, you need to figure this sh*t out.

My YouTube channels are Ok. My Ambience Channel is being neglected a bit, but at the same time, like Etsy, I'm struggling with SEO creative optimization to make people want to click the videos, and I don't have the ability to get the software to make the video's longer than 30 minutes at the moment.

And for me, as I've been utilizing Frequencies, Ambient noises, and such for almost 4 years now (YouTube suggested to me, when I was struggling with being able to sleep), it's something I not only want to do for myself and kids, but I want to give to others. But that channel ain't going too great right now.

My Fact channel, the one you see some blogs about, is going decent. I'm hoping I can monetize it before the school year starts up in August. I have some series ideas for the channels though so I'm hoping that will help. I'm doing decently keeping all my stuff SEO optimized for this one, as it's facts and information and education in general, it's alot easier to create things that the algorythm can get out to the public.

I'm fully aware if I had better software to make high quality content I probably would have been monitized already. But if I want to add clips that aren't from places like pixabay, I first have to record the clips from my phone, put it in my google drops box, and than download to the laptop I use for my day job. And sometimes that can take hours to get to the drop box.

But I'm not letting that stop me, and I plan to remake old conent in the future when I have better equipment, and can get an extra hand to find clips that the public would like, because what I like and what everyone finds high qulaity isn't the same.

I also generate AI art for Adobe stock, no sales there, but my subscription to the AI just renewed today, so I need to get some more art up there, and make sure these ones are more creative in the titling, descriptions and tags. I let Adobe fill it all in for me for my 1st 40 images, and I"ll be honest they weren't great.

I had just got done watching a side hustle video with this as an idea, and I just rushed through it. Lesson learned, and now I plan to take my time and find what works for me.

Then I have a good friend (whom I call Krispy) we met in a game I've been for 3y now, and that's his in game name. And he thought affiliate marketing would a good idea.

So call me crazy I'm trying it, well doing it. Had to get a business account for pintrest, which I never use pintrest. I've been very anti social media, as even though I want to be out there, I don't want to be out there. At least not out there with pictures or videos of myself.

I'm always on the fence about it with my own kids. Social Anxiety for the win, am I right?

And I've made $0 off that as of today as well. So, money made $0, expenses probably close to betwenn $500 and $1k. But I'm sticking it through. A couple of things I've gotten have 1 year subscription plan, so I don't have to worry too much about losing video software, and other things are free.

I'm working on turning my losses around, by bloggin, sharing links to my stuff and just optimizing what's already out there.

If you've made it to the end, thanks for reading. I hope you can read more of blogs and check out some of my YouTube Channels or Etsy Shops. I appreciate everyone who reads about my adventure.

[gumihoe]

me vibing to this one mashup of something about us and set fire to the rain that i found in my old itunes for ten (10) hours straight

[lacheri]

follow me

I do not consent or allow this to be posted on Tik Tok, or any other social media

pairing: switch!Eren and switch!fem bodied reader

content: college au, OnlyFans/sex work, masturbation (m), praise kink, oral (f and m receiving), squirting, penetrative sex, drug and alcohol use, classic college party, Eren is down horrendously bad, I believe in long haired Eren supremacy, minors DNI

summary: when jean finally convinces eren to crawl out from under his rock to join society on instagram, he finds there’s a whole lot more than just pictures of food. there’s you.

wc: 15.4k (I know it’s a long one, hope you enjoy tho)

Eren Jaeger had recently found himself in a very, very deep hole. It all started innocently, when one of his best friends Jean had convinced Eren to crawl out of his hole and create an Instagram to join society.

“C’mon Eren,” Jean had teased over a week ago as they studied out on the lawn of their school. “You have no idea what you’re missing out on. No one even uses Facebook anymore, it’s all for moms who want to brag about little Timmy’s genius for figuring out one plus one equals two.”

“What do you even do on Instagram?” Eren’s brows knitted together in confusion, Jean whipping his phone out to show Eren exactly how to use it.

“You post pictures,” Jean navigated to his profile, tapping and sliding down to show Eren all of Jean’s shameless selfies.

“Of just yourself?” he breathed, not comprehending the appeal at all. Don’t people look at his face enough?

“Well, you can post anything you want, that’s the beauty of it. Plus, when you’re not doing that, you get to see and like other people’s pictures.”

“But it says here you follow, 1,536 accounts? And you have 5,000 following you back?” Eren asked incredulously, surprised about how popular his friend’s online persona was. “How do you even know that many people?”

“You don’t,” Jean shrugged, making a few taps to his home page as posts began to load up. “Celebrities have Instagram, our friends have Instagram, fuck, every attractive person on the entire planet has one.”

“How do you even find these people?” Eren’s questioning never seemed to end, the concept out of his comprehension. Facebook was one thing, he personally knew every single one of his friends and family there, and honestly he really enjoyed people just talking about their day to day ordeals.

That’s when Jean forced Eren to hand his phone over and download the app. Jean snapped a quick picture of Eren, to which Eren had no reaction time to. Before he could protest, Jean had already uploaded the candid with some random song lyrics as the caption. To be honest with himself, Eren had to admit that Jean had taken a very flattering picture. He had his knee brought to his chest while his arm dangled over, back slumped and relaxed while he sat on the blanket they had set down before lounging there, hair in his signature sloppy man bun. It was mid day, so all the shadows casted behind his body as the sun’s rays illuminated every high point and contrast of his stoic face.

After a few follow backs from his friends, Armin and Mikasa, he had accumulated a few dozen likes, and Eren couldn’t help the feelings of instant gratifications wash over him, “Okay? So, now what?”

“Now,” Jean began to instruct him, putting the phone back in Eren’s hands after showing him the basics of social media. “Go to my page, and start following whoever you want from my following list. There’s some really hot girls.”

And when Eren laid in his dorm bed that night by himself, he did just that. He really didn’t want to give Jean the satisfaction of showing him who he followed, or why he decided to. His finger scrolled and scrolled through the following list on Jean’s Instagram, hitting the follow button on a few bands he really enjoyed. But then, his hand stopped at one username in particular. The avatar showed a pretty girl, smiling brightly into the camera, sun’s golden rays blooming behind her hair.

Eren tapped on the username, and the first thing he took note of was the bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas and rock and roll’, he had to smirk at that, what a simple sentence to sum yourself up with. His eyes flickered to the link in her bio, titled, OnlyFans. He titled his head, Jean hadn’t mentioned what OnlyFans was? Did everyone have an OnlyFans too, like Instagram? He tapped on the highlighted link to be met with a page of prices. What the fuck was so exclusive about it that he had to pay ten dollars for a single picture? As he scrolled down a bit more, he noticed the pricing rising to the final payment cost.

“200 dollars for a personal Snapchat and to talk to me every day?” he read aloud, mouth open in disgust. “What the fuck is this?”

He hit the done option in the upper left corner, returning to the Instagram page in question. He tapped on the first photo, the girl’s back facing the camera, completely bare as her hair trickled down the center. She was sitting in a pretty pink bath, floating flowers all around, staring out a window, captioned, ‘wishing you were here’. His gaze lingered on the dips of her waist, before scrolling down to see the girl in some more clothing. This one was a much prettier picture, glasses set on the brim of her nose while she sat comfortably at a wooden table in a library. She stared directly into the camera, a pretty smile on her face while her hands sat perched under her chin. Some books were open on the table, and Eren took note of the quilted skirt peeking out from the under the bottom, her knees tightly crossed. ‘finals week is going to be the death of me, thank the universe for coffee’.

Eren back tracked out of the photo after double tapping, trying to drink in a comprehensive idea of what exactly people were paying so much money to see. He scrolled, and landed on his answer. The girl sat on a stool, phone angled in the mirror to take in her frame, wearing nothing but black lingerie and heels with a smirk on her face, the caption simply, ‘follow me on OnlyFans, link in bio’.

‘Hey Jean, what’s OnlyFans?’ Eren typed a quick text to his now mentor, patiently waiting as three bubbles appeared from his friend’s end.

‘Lol I see what you’re using Instagram for now, Jaeger’, was Jean’s only reply, and Eren could feel himself getting frustrated. Before he could type back an angry text, those bubbles popped up once again. ‘It’s basically porn, you pay for people’s pictures and videos’.

‘Why would someone want to do that? It’s free almost everywhere else’.

‘Because, young grasshopper, girls are hot and I’m trynna see some titties’.

Eren rolled his eyes at his friend’s stupidity. Deducing that Jean was obviously one of these paying customers, Eren felt a little more secure in himself as he tapped the follow button on the girl’s page. What he wasn’t expecting though was a notification informing him she had followed back, followed quickly by another one liking his only post. Eren couldn’t hold back a blush, heart thumping in his chest. Did this girl think he was good looking?

The thought didn’t sit for long as yet another notification popped up, this time a comment. The girl had simply put a heart eyed emoji, followed by a fire emoji. Eren retreated in haste back to her profile, analyzing every picture and caption.

That had been a month ago, and now Eren had a full blown addiction to the website, more specifically her Instagram. Eren was even paying for her OnlyFans now, making excuses that the money he spent would be used for coffees and lunches anyhow, and he really had to nip his caffeine addiction in the butt so he might as well spend his cash on her.

She had just posted a photoset, one of many on her page, completely naked aside from a gold necklace adorned on her neck, a simple initial of ‘E’ rested prettily on her collarbone. It was like she knew Eren was devouring her social medias on a daily basis. It was all for him, Eren had concluded. There was no coincidence that she had followed and liked his own page, it was all fate and meant to be. Eren had figured out how to DM someone, thanks to Jean showing him how to during one of their classes, and he had taken full advantage of the girl’s inbox. Unfortunately with no reply or read receipt to even prove she had received his messages, introducing himself and showering the girl with compliments. Oh, Eren was down bad. He even brought himself to pay out the $50 tier on her OnlyFans for the month, tired of entering his card information for every daily post.

His dick twitched hard as he drank in her form, curvaceous and beautiful and feminine. It wasn’t even like he just wanted to fuck her either, if he needed relief like that he’d just hit up one of the handful of girls he had saved in his contacts. Eren Jaeger wanted to take this girl out on a fucking date. They had so much in common, they were practically soulmates. She liked and followed all the same bands Eren did, posted on her stories all about her favorite foods and her zodiac sign. While he didn’t really believe in that shit, his Google search history of checking if Aries was compatible spoke to something completely different.

And then Eren began noticing something. How the library she frequently posted pictures in was the same library on campus. All the restaurants she went to were in an hour radius of him, half of them being his usual hangout spots. She lived locally, which thoroughly surprised him. Had he seen her around before? No, definitely not, he would’ve definitely remembered her pretty face. None of the girls that he knew looked like her, and if Eren didn’t know what a woman’s body felt like, he would’ve sworn her body was made of plastic.

Eren was practically an expert at Instagram now, and had plenty of opportunities to follow other beautiful women, but he chose not to. He felt guilty one night as he maneuvered through another pretty girl’s pictures, quickly retreating back to the comfort of his favorite girl’s instead. This was one of the reasons Eren had fought getting online for so long, whenever he found something he liked, he got obsessive.

His attention was drawn back to her naked photos, and he slipped his hand under the fabric of his sweatpants as he began to fuck his fist to her pretty image. All for him, he panted as he imagined what she would look like in front of him, beautiful and begging for his touch.

“Thank you so much,” you smiled graciously at the Starbucks employee in front of you, taking your large iced coffee from his hands.

“No problem, have a great day!”

You tossed your hair behind your shoulder as you turned around, the smile still vibrant on your face. Today was a good day, you decided almost as soon as you woke up. After studying for finals for nearly two weeks straight, you finally had a day off to enjoy yourself. Your best friend, Sasha, had convinced you to go on a small shopping day with her. You eagerly agreed that morning, toothbrush forgotten in between your teeth as your fingers rapidly tapped away to schedule a time. You were running out of sexy outfits for your OnlyFans content, and frankly, you really need some new summer clothes. Spring was drawing to a close, and you couldn’t just wear hoodies and leggings all year round, no matter how much you wanted to.

The mall was about two blocks away from the Starbucks, and as you chugged down your coffee, you slid your phone out of your back pocket of your jeans to see multiple notifications from Instagram. Just more people liking your posts, and some DMs, but you just rolled your eyes. You got tired of explaining on your stories that they were broken, and Instagram had no intent on trying to adjust it so you’d be able to view your messages and reply. You sighed, slipping it back into your pocket as you made your way through the entrance of the shopping mall.

Sasha was seated at a table in the cafeteria near the entrance you had just walked through. She jumped out of her seat, a wide smile on her lips as she strutted up to your form.

“You ate without me?” you pouted, smelling the leftover scent of pizza wash over you.

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m still hungry,” Sasha waved her hand. This girl had the fastest metabolism of a person you had ever met, so her statement didn’t really phase you.

“Okay, so, before I spend all my money and forget, we have to go to the lingerie shop,” you stated, stomping your way to the escalators.

“I’m guessing your OnlyFans is doing good?” she asked, knowing just how expensive this certain store was as she lingered behind you.

“Dude, you literally wouldn’t believe it,” you sighed dreamily. “If I had known how much money I’d be making, I would’ve done it way sooner. You should seriously consider making your own.”

“Nah, I’ll just let you have the spotlight on this one,” she snickered as the both of you stepped on the moving staircase. “Are they all creepy old men?”

“No, surprisingly, there’s a few people I have classes with that follow me,” you gossiped. “You know Jean from economics?”

Sasha nodded, eyes widening, “No fucking way, he’s my friend! I’m not that surprised though, he’s always talking to girls and asking for their Instagrams.”

“He’s never even talked to me, right? But he buys every single post I put out! Which is crazy, considering it’d just be cheaper for him to buy the subscription,” you shrugged, stepping off the escalator and walking shortly afterwards into the lingerie store. “That’s what most my viewers do, anyways.”

“Seen anyone else interesting?” Sasha hummed, eyeing the various garments surrounding her in intrigue.

Your eyes honed in on a strappy bright red one piece, “Just a few of his friends, I think. One of them is pretty cute, actually, but he’s only got one picture up.”

“You talking about Eren?”

You nodded, eyes lighting up, “Yeah, do you know him? I’ve never seen him around campus before.”

Sasha was beginning to plot, “Yeah he usually hangs out with Armin and Mikasa, but he goes to a lot of house parties. You know, actually, I think Jean is throwing one soon. He rented a cabin for after finals, you should come!”

“Won’t that be weird?” you scrunched your face, picking up the red one piece and moving onto the next garment that caught your eye. “Like I said, I’ve never even talked to him.”

“Yeah but you know Mikasa and me,” she raised her thumb towards herself. “Eren will be there too.”

“All I said was that I thought he was cute, Sasha,” you laughed her off. “But I’ll think about it. Text me the details and I’ll let you know if I’m free.”

“Something tells me Jean would be very happy to see you there,” Sasha chuckled, you giggling in response to her suggestive comment. The two of you picked through the selection of skimpy clothing, taking it up the cashier to check out.

You walked out of the store together, giggling over small banter. Your trip to the mall was quick after that, and in the end you held a grip full of medium sized paper bags, walking outside the mall with Sasha.

“Oh, hey!” Sasha suddenly quipped, placing her bags on the sidewalk, pulling her phone out of her crossbody bag. “We should take a picture!”

“Sasha I’m not even wearing lipstick,” you half heartedly complained, getting ready to pose next to your best friend.

“Literally, you’re so fucking hot,” she deadpanned, turning her head to look you directly in the eyes. “Shut up and get in, bitch.”

You threw your head back in laughter, leaning in on the left side of her frame, pushing your hair framing your face behind your ear. You smiled widely while Sasha did the same, hearing a soft click of her phone, indicating the photo was taken. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, bringing it out to see a notification stating she had posted it to her story. You’d repost it to your story later after you grabbed food, you decided, the conversation turning to the topic of where the two of you would eat before heading back to your apartment to get drunk in celebration of your semesters ending.

Eren and his two friends sat crowded in Jean’s dorm room bathroom, passing around a blunt. He could hear Connie coughing harshly as it was passed to Eren, the boy taking a deep drag of the backwoods cigarillo. Exhaling slowly, Eren brought his phone out of his hoodie pocket to open it up to change the song playing, his phone instantly opening to Instagram.

Distracted now by his favorite obsession, he glanced at the stories section, her name front in the line, glowing in that now familiar pink and purple circle. Eren couldn’t have tapped faster, and when he did, his mouth hung open.

“Yo,” Eren spoke loudly, shoving his phone in Jean and Connie’s faces. “Sasha knows this girl?”

“Yeah, they’re like best friends,” Connie quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t know her?”

“No, I just saw we had mutual friends,” Eren’s eyebrows knitted together. “How come we’ve never hung out with her before?”

“I don’t know actually,” Jean said, exhaling the blunt after it was passed to him from Eren’s fingertips. “I had a class with her this semester, she seems nice.”

“You’re only saying that because she’s hot,” Connie chuckled. “I bet you’ve never even talked to the girl.”

Jean’s face ignited in a fierce blush as he found interest in the ceiling tiles, “Shut up. It’s harder to talk to girls than it looks. You should know that, Connie.”

“Hey! I talk to girls!” Connie leaned up from his seated position on the floor.

“Idiots,” Eren sighed, rolling his eyes. “Neither of you have any game.”

“Not all of us are as gifted as you are, Eren,” Connie protested, a smirk spreading across his lips. “You could talk to a fucking mouse and it’d figure out someway to talk back.”

Eren rolled his eyes again, harder this time, “You just talk to girls like they’re human beings, it’s not that fucking hard.”

“Oh yeah? Betcha’ won’t be saying that whenever you see that girl around,” Jean teased, finally passing the blunt to Connie in the rotation, Connie muttering something about hogging it.

Eren shifted uncomfortably on the closed toilet seat, “Whatever, Jean.”

“Speak of the fucking devil!” Jean shouted, scaring the very high pair of boys at the suddenness. “Sasha just texted me asking if she can bring her this weekend to the cabin!”

Eren’s heart erupted into a flutter of uneven beats, his face heating up. This girl he had been drooling over was going to be at a party, with him? He suddenly felt like a teenager, the idea of seeing his precious addiction face to face giving him full blown anxiety.

Soft thuds of the bass of the stereo filled the room, catchy pop music drawing Eren out of his stupor to gaze hastily around the room, searching.

“What’s up with you tonight?” Armin had asked him, drawing his attention away once again. “It’s been an hour since the party started and you’ve barely drunk anything.”

Taking note of the full red solo cup in his hand, flickering his gaze between the liquid and his best friend, Eren shrugged and tipped the rim back in his lips, opening his throat and taking large gulps until the cup was empty. “Happy?”

Armin laughed loudly, although only having two strong drinks, his best friend was beginning to feel the numbness of intoxication, “You’re really out of it tonight, everything alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just waiting for the smoke sesh so I’m not cross faded,” Eren smirked, lying easily. “Last time I got too drunk and decided to rip Jean’s bong, I woke up in some random front yard with one shoe on.”

Armin shook his head in disbelief, “You really need to start making better life choices, Eren.”

Eren shook the empty solo cup in front of his friend, “I’m trying here.”

Truthfully, the reason Eren wasn’t halfway to getting shit faced was because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the girl of his dreams. She still hadn’t shown up yet, and Eren was getting anxious that she wasn’t going to show. Sasha and Mikasa hadn’t shown up yet either, which gave him a resemblance of hope that the three of you were together, and on your way currently to the party. His heart thudded heavily in his ribcage as he heard the jingle of the front door turn, and his attention was fully concentrated on the door frame ahead of him. His jaw dropped at the sight, his breath caught in his throat.

You asked Sasha earlier that day what you should wear to the party, and Sasha had just waved and told you whatever you felt looked the best. Not exactly helpful, you had just decided on black ripped jeans and a low cut shirt, paired with your favorite leather jacket and trusty Vans. You felt incredibly undressed as Sasha drove to Mikasa’s house, watching her modelesque frame saunter out her front door towards the back car doors.

“Mikasa, you could make a paper bag look hot,” you showered her with appreciation, her face blushing in response as she tugged her long sleeved body con dress towards her knees. “Fuck, should I have worn a dress? How nice is everyone else dressed?”

Sasha couldn’t have given two fucks about how she dressed in front of her friends, adorned in blue skinny jeans and a causal crop top, although her face was beat to the Gods, “Shut the fuck up, you’re one to talk about making paper bags look good. Besides, knowing the boys they probably made minimal effort, probably all wearing sweatpants.”

The three of you snickered at this, and Sasha pushed the car into drive and set out on your 45 minute journey into the mountains. Nerves hadn’t set in until you were face to face with the cabin door, nervous that the girls’ friends weren’t going to like you. Putting a brave face on, Mikasa grasped the door knob and pushed it open, the three of you gliding in.

Eren honestly had wanted to drop down to his knees and kiss the ground you walked on. You were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Your eyes were searching, for what neither of you knew, until your eyes had finally landed on him. You smiled politely, moving your hand up in a quick wave to both him and Armin.

Eren couldn’t fathom moving any single part of his body, so awestruck by you. Jean shook Eren out of his dumbstricken state with a hard pat to his shoulder, “Why don’t you go introduce yourself, Eren?”

“Fuck off, horse face,” Eren spat, trying to will himself to either make strides towards you or to break his gaze, neither working. “Why don’t you?”

“I’d love to,” he smiled wickedly, inspired by liquid courage to lock arms with Eren and force him closer to the trio of girls that had finally made their appearance. Armin followed behind, Connie emerging out of the bathroom to give his hello’s to his best friend Sasha and company.

Eren could hear his heart beat in his ears as he stopped right in front of you, forcing his mouth closed in a tight lipped grimace. He felt like a fucking teenager with a crush.

“Hi,” you introduced yourself, smiling widely. “It’s so nice to finally meet you guys!”

“Nice to meet you too!” Armin spoke up, oblivious to his friends’ reaction to the fresh pretty face of yours.

Jean and Connie wouldn’t admit it, but they were feeling their own nervousness. Jean’s out of guilt as he scanned your body top to bottom, Connie’s natural shyness kicking in due to the newcomer. Both were able to overcome it though, and offer up their own introductions. Your eyes landed on Eren once again, tilting your head, waiting for his intro.

“I’m Eren,” he swallowed. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you looked down, smiling softly. You raised your hand then, looking up at the boys in front of you, revealing a handle of vodka. “I brought a gift with me too!”

“My kinda girl!” Jean spoke just a bit too enthusiastically. “Shots, shots, shots!”

Connie pumped his fist, chiming in, the rest of the party joining as well as the crowd made their way into the kitchen. Eren purposely hung back, trying to keep as close to you as possible.

“You happen to bring any chasers with you?” he had leaned in, tickling the side of your head with his breath.

“No, I totally forgot,” you sheepishly admitted.

“Looks like we’re all gonna get plastered then,” he chuckled smoothly, sending goosebumps down your body.

“Is it really a party then if at least one person doesn’t have their head in a toilet?” you had easily quipped back, feeling more comfortable now that the introductions were out of the way.

Eren hummed in half hearted agreement, feeling slightly more relaxed himself. Besides, his attention was being grasped by the plastic shot glass being shoved in his hand, as well as your dainty one. The group held up the shot glasses, a few phone cameras capturing the moment to post on their stories, and you all swung your heads back to allow the bitter liquid to trickle down your throats. Eren made a mild face, taking a stolen glance at your own to see your grimace, sticking your tongue out in disbelief at the taste.

Another hour had passed by, and Eren was running out of reasons to follow you around the cabin as you shifted between conversations to get to know the group of friends better. You hadn’t really noticed him trailing behind you, nor did you really care because you were very quickly warming up to Eren. It also didn’t hurt that he looked exceptionally better in person. His hair was lazily swung into a half top bun, wearing a couple of gold chains with his white tee tightly hugging his torso, tucked seamlessly into black ripped jeans displaying his muscular knee caps. Eren was definitely a looker, you shifted your gaze up to his face as he made some witty comment to Sasha, his eyes flickering to your face to catch your reaction.

“Oh my god, there was this one time,” Sasha spoke your name. “She had gotten so high during last year’s spring break, and the two of us and Mikasa came up with the brilliant idea of becoming one with nature. So, naturally, we ran to Walmart and bought this tent on clearance. Turns out it was made for kids, so none of us actually fit inside when we got back to Mikasa’s house. Mikasa and I curled up in a ball, surrounded by snacks, and this smart girl over here decided it was the best choice to just lay out on the lawn and pass out.”

“I wanted to watch the sun rise!” you laughed, trying to quickly explain yourself to Eren’s amused smirk. “And the grass was just so nice that night!”

“The grass was basically straw,” Sasha countered teasingly. “Twenty degrees outside, absolutely freezing. She was MIA for like a week afterwards with a cold.”

You shrugged carelessly, “Worth it.”

Now the two of you had sleeping on lawns in common? Eren scoffed inwardly. Yup, it was official, you were his soulmate. Still though, the topic of why you were so casual in person while your naked pictures existed online tickled his thoughts. He was hoping that somehow it’d get brought up naturally in conversation, saving himself the embarrassment if you were to get offended by his questioning. So far it seemed you liked him, not having said a word about him trailing after you like a lost puppy. Jean had been sending him knowing looks all night, Connie shooting two thumbs up at Eren while Armin looked on in confusion.

Mikasa had strolled out of the bathroom finally, joining the trio who stood casually in the living room, simply stating, “I’m starving. You guys think they deliver pizza out here?”

Sasha’s eyes widened in excitement, “I don’t care if it takes an hour to get here. We’re ordering right now.”

Already ahead of the two, your phone was pulled out in your hands to open up the Dominoes app, punching in the location of the party and placing the order online. Eren watched this all, peering over your hands to see the total.

“Guys, we should chip in,” Eren called out, grabbing the boys’ attention. “We’re ordering pizza.”

“No, no!” you protested, confirming the order. “It’s really fine, my treat.”

“But that’s really expensive,” he frowned, the group all joined together in the living room.

“Don’t worry, she’s got that OnlyFans money,” Sasha waved off Eren’s concern.

“OnlyFans?” Armin questioned, darting his eyes in between Sasha and you. “What’s that?”

Jean hid his blushing cheeks and your eyes flickered to him, then back to Armin, “I sell naked pictures online.”

“So what, a bunch of old guys give you money?” Armin had asked innocently, not judgemental in the slightest.

You giggled, relieved he wasn’t asking in a demeaning manner, “Actually, you’d be really surprised about who you know follows me. There’s a lot of people from school.”

Eren’s blood ran cold as he felt a sudden onset of embarrassment. Did that mean you had known this entire time Eren was one of these followers? If you did, you didn’t let on to it, smiling shyly as the questions ended. Eren hadn’t been done with the conversation, but pride from exposing himself in front of his friends kept his mouth shut.

It was around one in the morning when the party was at its peak. Sasha was being held up by her legs by Connie as she did a keg stand, you and the group cheering the girl on in your own drunken hazes. She tapped the large can, indicating she was finished, Connie settling her down on solid ground as she belched loudly.

“That was fucking awesome, Sasha!” you giggled, throwing your arms up and around her. You were definitely feeling the shots you had been feeding yourself all night, holding your red solo cup high above the girl so it wouldn’t slosh on her.

“You should totally try it!” she encouraged devilishly.

You pouted then, taking a moment to consider, “I’ve never done a keg stand before, what if I can’t do it?”

“I’ll help you!” Eren all but pounced on the opportunity, your smile turning into a tipsy giggle. “It’s not that hard, you just keep chugging until you can’t anymore. I’ll hold you, you got this.”

You lightly blushed, nodding your head at the encouragement, bringing a fist to your chest as a salute, “I’ll do it! We gotta’ put on a cool song though, if I’m going to fail miserably I might as well have a good song to do it to.”

Mikasa volunteered, as she was already DJ, having the best music taste out of everyone in the group. She dug her phone out of her pocket, switching over to a ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ remix. Connie whooped at the choice, and everyone began to chant your name as you hovered by the keg, very nervous. Eren then placed his large hand on the small of your back, leaning in to reassure you once again. You gulped, nodding that you were ready to get into position.

“Okay, so you’re going to lean your arms on the top of the can, and I’ll grab your legs. Like when you were a kid and you’d do that stupid wheelbarrel thing,” Eren easily explained, chuckling lightly. “Use your hands to let me know when you’re done.”

You did as you were told, resting your upper body against the keg as Eren hooked his arms around your calves. He couldn’t help but admire how strong your legs felt in his grasp, and how right it felt to finally have some bodily contact. He had been trying to figure out a natural way all night, and he was bubbling over in excitement, the chance had arisen, glorious in the promise of touch.

You placed your lips hesitantly around the tap, opening it up into your mouth, and began to chug. ‘Chug, chug, chug!’ was chanted all around you, even Mikasa joining in on the fun. Fists bumped in the air, and you felt like the coolest fucking person in the world. Doing a keg stand wasn’t exactly in your goals list, but fuck did it feel like it should’ve been as your ego inflated.

“That’s it, you’re doing great!” Eren’s thumbs brushed the inside of your knees, leaning in to whisper. “Good girl.”

You sputtered around the tap, choking harshly. You removed your mouth quickly to gasp for air, and the tap shot up all over your shirt, jacket long forgotten resting on the sofa in the living room. Eren moved your legs down to the floor quickly seeing this, and wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you as your arm shot out to grab onto something, in this case his other arm.

“You alright?” Jean asked, a look of concern washing over his features as you finally got some air into your lungs.

“Yeah,” you coughed again, blushing in embarrassment. “I definitely made a mess though.”

“I brought some extra clothes with me,” Eren offered quickly. “One of these idiots always manages to somehow spill something within the first hour of drinking. I’ll show you where my bag is at.”

You smiled in appreciation, biting your tongue to accuse him of purposely throwing you off your game with his little praise that had your knees buckling. He unwound his arm, taking your hand and leading you to the staircase by the entryway, your smaller form following behind him as he thudded up the stairs. Three doors greeted you at the top, and he led you into the master bedroom, plainly decorated and lacking personal belongings. You watched as he chucked a duffle bag onto the mattress, unzipping it and going through his clothes. He found a sweatshirt, smirking inwardly as it had been one of his old sports ones with his last name embroidered on the back. Proud he could provide a claim to you, he extended it to you, and you gladly accepted it.

“Well, you did really well in the beginning there,” he chuckled, whisking his stray baby hairs behind his ear. “Sucks about the shirt though. The first time I tried to do a keg stand, I barfed everywhere.”

You laughed lightly, fingering the hem of your shirt, “I guess it could’ve been a lot worse. Still, at least I can check this off my bucket list.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot into his hairline as you lifted your shirt to reveal your bare stomach, and he whisked his body completely around so you didn’t see his reddened cheeks, “You could’ve asked me to leave.”

Behind him, you let a mischievous smirk cross your lips, “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Eren’s mouth fell open at your bold statement, letting his words leave before he could stop them, “You know?”

“Of course,” you discarded the sodden shirt to the floor, sitting on the bed instead of tossing the sweatshirt on. “You’re my favorite viewer.”

He caught your movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned his head to take in the sight. Fuck, you were even more beautiful in person. Your bra was white and pretty and dainty, pushing your tits together, accentuating cleavage that Eren wanted to bury his face in. His gaze moved up to your face, smiling so innocently at him as he let out a dark chuckle, “Is that so?”

You hummed, leaning back to expose your form a bit more, feeling confident from the alcohol, “You like every one of my pictures, you buy all my content, you’re pretty cute, of course you’re my favorite.”

Eren’s ego soared as he turned his body completely towards you, taking a small step forward, “You’re just so beautiful, how could I not? I do have to ask this though, how come you never answered any of my messages?”

“Oh, my DMs are broken. Instagram doesn’t let me view them or respond,” you explained easily. “You know, you could’ve hit me up on OnlyFans, I definitely would have answered you.”

A blush crept up on Eren again as he averted his gaze to the floor, “I didn’t think about that.”

You giggled softly, “What’d you send me anyways?”

“I asked you out on a date,” he admitted, growing more nervous. “Told you that you were really pretty. Y’know, stuff you probably get all the time.”

“Most of my messages are from guys trying to take me out drinking and to get a quick fuck,” you scoffed. “Y’know, if the offer is still on the table, I’d really like to take you up on it.”

“Really?” Eren’s eyes met yours in surprise, you watched his Adam’s apple bob along his throat as he gulped. “You’d want to go out with me?”

“Yeah, who else is going to hold me up when I try to do a keg stand again?” you smiled sheepishly, batting your eyelashes. Eren’s hands twitched at his sides, fuck, you were so pretty.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked seriously, his gaze hardening as he felt a wave of possessiveness. In his mind, you were already his girlfriend. You had accepted his date, and he’d be damned if he didn’t try to push his luck further.

Eren had never felt the way he feels right now. He took immediate notice of your blushing cheeks, your confident lean turn into a shy arch as you pushed your body into a hunched over seating position. Eren had experience with girls, that everyone knew as a fact, he was very far from being a virgin. You made him feel like a fucking virgin, heart beating wildly in his chest. All he wanted to do was to grab you and hide you away for his own greedy pleasure, the darkest parts of his mind tickled by the thought. He had laid a claim to you way before he had ever met you, and he wouldn’t let you escape now that he had you here, alone.

You didn’t answer his request, you pushed yourself off the mattress and met his staggering stance halfway. Unknown to his wicked thoughts, his past month of obsessing of you, you leaned up, gently brushing your lips against his. No one had ever asked you this simple question before, instead just taking the action as if they had owned you, and you thought to yourself that you could really love this boy who presented himself so innocently to you.

The soft placement of your lips to his was not enough, and Eren buried his mouth with your own, moving both of his hands to cup your face. He could feel your jaw beneath the pads of his fingertips as you attempted to meet his pace, sensual and passionate. The need for air forgotten for the both of you, sucking in deeply through your noses as the space continued to close between your bodies.

“Gonna take you someplace real nice,” muttered Eren as he pulled away slightly to gaze his half lidded eyes on your fluttering eyelashes, your gaze now hidden from him. “I know you like that one place in the city, I saw your little post of you wearing that tight dress. You looked so fucking pretty.”

Tingles shivered up your bones, a sharp intake of breath as you fluttered your eyes open to take in his deep lustful expression, “I’ll wear it for you, if you want.”

“Wear my necklace too.”

You pulled away completely this time, baffled, “Your necklace?”

“The one with the ‘E’ on it,” he breathed, moving forward to accommodate the sudden distance, his lips meeting the corner of your mouth. You realized then what he was referring to, a small smirk uplifting his kiss. You wouldn’t tell him though that the necklace in question was just some random trinket with no meaning you had purchased, or that you hadn’t even recognized the pretty cursive as a letter. You figured out very quickly Eren’s little crush was a bit more involved than just him attached to your hip at this party. No, it was way deeper than that. All of the likes, the money, the new information of messages made sense to you. Eren had believed you were his, and he had sought out confirmation all night to prove it.

“Okay,” you played along to his fantasy, an expert since it was your job online already to provide this to your viewers. “What else do you want me to wear?”

“There’s this one set of lingerie,” Eren was the one to pull back now, letting his teal eyes trail downwards to your chest, displeased by the lack of skin shown to him in that instance. “The black lacy one, fuck, wear that. You look so fucking sexy in that.”

“You don’t like when I wear white?” you pouted, bringing your hands to rest against the peak of your breasts, framing them like a picture.

“I like anything you wear,” a smirk crossed his features, eyes locked in on your tits. “Or what you don’t wear.”

You were met with two choices then. One, kiss Eren and get dressed and save yourself for your date, or two, fulfill his now present fantasy of his that was beginning to morph into your own. You mentally battled the decision in your mind, feeling the desire curl in your stomach at each option. If you were to give in now, Eren might not want to continue to chase after you, the promise of an actual date forgotten. Not to mention the party of people down stairs, the thud of music softened behind the closed door of the bedroom indicating it was still in full swing. Eren saw your hesitation, and let his hands travel to your elbows comfortingly.

“I know we technically just met,” he started, eyes now locked in on yours in genuine honesty. “But I really like you. You’re all I’ve thought about for the past month, so if you don’t feel comfortable going any further, that’s okay, I’ll wait. I’ve waited this long.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you bit your lip as you watched his teal orbs flicker to your mouth. “It’s just — oh God, this is embarrassing to talk about so soon.”

“Shh, it’s okay, I won’t judge,” he cooed, bringing just a hand up to soothe over your cheek.

“I’m not exactly quiet,” you admitted, gesturing towards the floor. “I don’t really want to be the girl who fucks someone at the first party they show up to.”

Eren hadn’t predicted you to be loud in his fantasies, but he was really wishing he had. He held back a groan at your confession, images of what could be filling his dirty mind, “Fuck, okay, no problem. I don’t have any condoms with me anyways.”

“Actually,” you drawled. “I’m on the pill, so as far as that goes, that doesn’t really matter. I’m clean too, I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

Boxes were being ticked quickly off of Eren’s checklist, and he let his jaw hang open, “I’m clean too, I don’t fuck anyone without a condom, to be honest.”

I’m going to fuck her raw, is all that was going through his mind. Treat her so good, take her out wearing her pretty little dress and treat her like a fucking princess.

“Please tell me you’re free tomorrow,” Eren pleaded. “I’ll take us fucking anywhere you want.”

“I am, actually,” you batted your eyelashes.

“Cool,” he muttered, beginning to feel drawn into your lips again. As you began to lean back in, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

“Hey! Everything alright?” you both froze, recognizing the voice as Armin’s. Of course he’d be the only one to dare interrupt, and the party below had discouraged him. Eren had taken you upstairs, and while they were all aware of the possibility of the two of you would be hooking up, Armin was more concerned that one or both of you had gotten sick and were in need of help.

“Yeah, we’re fine! Be out in a second!” Eren shouted, feeling suddenly frazzled from the intense interaction between you two. If Armin had opened the door, seeing the two of you locked in together so closely, making out feverishly, it would be completely mortifying. Especially since it wouldn’t be the first time Armin had accidentally seen his best friend in a suggestive situation.

You pecked his lips quickly then, breaking out of his embrace to throw his sweatshirt over your head. Eren was counting backwards in his head to rid himself of the half erection in his pants, nearly impossible as he thought about how pretty you looked in his clothing.

“C’mon,” you tugged at his hand, urging him to follow you back downstairs. “We have a pizza to eat and friends to convince that we definitely didn’t just fuck for ten minutes.”

The group hadn’t made a single comment when you two rejoined the party, only just knowing smirks from Jean and Connie to Eren. Sasha had wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you quickly pulled her and Mikasa into the bathroom to recap what had just occurred upstairs. The girls clapped drunkenly at your news of a date, incredibly excited that their best friend was finally going out with a boy. The night had ended around three in the morning, bodies scattered throughout the house to pass out wherever they pleased. Eren had continued to stay by you the rest of the night, this time, not shy at all as he stole touches to your back. And when it came time to pass out, you felt smugness as he rested his head on your back while you laid on your side on the same bed upstairs, his arm thrown tightly around your waist. Sasha curled up in front of you, your own head snuggling into her shoulder as the room spun you into a deep slumber.

You sat at a vanity in your apartment bedroom the next evening, applying various makeups to your face. Mikasa had awoken you and Sasha pretty early the next morning, wanting to go home so she could get ready for her job. Eren snored quietly behind you as you tried your best to maneuver out of his grasp, and the three of you cleaned up the cups and plates scattered around the house as a thank you to Jean for the invitation. Sasha had driven you all the way back to your place when you realized you were still wearing Eren’s hoodie, and you smirked. Now he definitely had a reason to get you on this date tonight, you had something that belonged to him.

When Eren had woken up, he truly believed for a few minutes that you had just been a dream. Pictures and videos posted all over Instagram had shown him differently though, the two of you leaning against each other on the leather couch smiling drunkenly on Armin’s story had his heart pounding. His arm was around your shoulders, your head was tilted in the crook of his neck, and then Eren remembered that he was going to see you again tonight. He took a screenshot before the story moved on to a video of the group in a heated discussion about music tastes, a quiet chuckle made its way out of his throat as he recounted memories that would become very fond to him.

He had posted the picture then to his Instagram, a few others followed after that included him and his other friends. Eren tagged all of the people, but most importantly, the picture of the two of you was the first in the line up of the photo set. A few messages hit his inbox after he hit the post button, some classmates asking if you were his girlfriend, because you were wearing his sweatshirt in the photo. He decided to not respond, because as much as he wanted to tell them yes, he knew he’d be jumping the gun. His heart raced as a notification popped up — you had liked the picture, and added a comment, ‘last night was a movie’ with a kiss emoji. When he refreshed the page, your lit up story showed him that you had even reposted his photo set. His ego soared, his affections no longer one sided, and he couldn’t fucking wait to take you out later and show you the best time he could.

Eren had gotten your phone number from Sasha not long before your date, asking for your address and trying to pick out a time to head out to dinner. You tapped a response quickly, and looked at the clock to gauge how much time you’d need to be fully ready. That had been about three hours ago, your body had been scrubbed and shaved, hair curled prettily down your back as you added the final touches of lipstick to your lips. The dress Eren had talked about was laid out on your perfectly made bed, a pretty satin champagne colored fabric, and your apartment was fairly clean, fully expecting his company after the date of all went well. You dressed yourself easily, slipping on black heels when you heard the chime of your phone, letting you know Eren was awaiting you outside.

When the elevator doors chimed open as you walked into your lobby, you saw from the entrance doors Eren leaned back casually against the Uber he had offered to pay for. His attention immediately focused on your form as you exited your building, his gaze flickered all over your body.

“You look incredible,” Eren easily complimented, pushing himself up to stand straight. He leaned in to kiss your blushing cheek as you muttered a quiet ‘thank you’, and he pulled the door handle of the sleek black car, ushering you inside. He slammed it closed after you had positioned yourself comfortably, giving the driver a soft greeting as Eren circled around the back, getting in on the opposite side. The directions were already plugged into the driver’s GPS, and it took less than twenty minutes to get to the restaurant in question.

This gave you enough time to take in Eren’s appearance, and damn if you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to do so, the sight practically mouth watering. His hair hung low in a messy bun, a few complementary strands hanging out to frame his sharp jawline. His torso was adorned in a sheer white long sleeve button up, a small portion of his chest revealed as he had left the top buttons alone, chains hanging against his collarbones, silver in color this time. Black slacks that tightened around his thighs and calves had you biting your lip in appreciation, his legs spread as he took up space in the backseat.

“Staring isn’t very polite,” he had leaned in, taking notice of your devouring gaze.

“Stop dressing like a whore and maybe I won’t stare,” you teased back, chuckling quietly when he swatted your exposed thigh lightly. He kept his hand there for the rest of the drive, enjoying the comfortable silence as the quiet hum of the radio filled in the gaps.

When the Uber had slowed to a stop outside of the fancy restaurant Eren had insisted taking you to, he swung the door open before you had a chance to reach for the handle on your side. He raced to the other side of the car, pulling open the door and extending his hand out for you to grasp onto. You circled your fingers around his palm, and he tightened his grasp as you swung your legs over the flooring, and stood before him. The two of you thanked the driver, and he sped away shortly after. Hand still locked in with yours, Eren led the way inside the opened doors of the restaurant. Inside, a hostess wearing a very classy black uniform greeted the two of you.

“Reservation for Eren,” he spoke smoothly, and your eyes widened in surprise, expecting to have sat and waited for at least a half an hour before you had been seated.

“Right this way,” she smiled politely, two menus in her hands as she welcomed you into the dining area. You followed behind Eren, realizing that this place must’ve been a lot more expensive than you originally had gauged. All the guests appeared in their very best formal attire, and the chatter was soft as the beautiful notes of a piano resounded throughout the space. While you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the music was coming from, you had a strong feeling that there was a physical player somewhere in the midst, it sounded so clear and professional. When the hostess had sat you down in a booth secluded against the furthest set wall, she smiled politely once more and informed you that the waiter would be with you soon.

“Eren,” you hissed as you sat opposite of his smirking form. “This place is stupid fancy!”

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved easily. “I got it, I promise.”

“How are you able to afford this? I’ve got a little bit of money and even I couldn’t go some place this nice,” you questioned, feeling a small pang of guilt. He was going to go broke trying to treat you to a very nice, albeit expensive, meal.

“My dad is a doctor,” he shrugged, picking up the menu and eyeing over their drink selection. “He sends me money whenever I come around and help around his office.”

“Following in the family footsteps?” you tried at the conversation, realizing you virtually knew nothing about the boy in front of you.

“Nah, I’m more into the business side of things,” he smiled up at you then, showing off his pearly white teeth. “What about you? What are you majoring in?”

You spoke of your major, Eren carefully listening in of your passions and your goals for your future ahead. He was pleased to hear that you were ambitious, smiling as he was enamored by your speech. Not that he minded a single bit about your online job, but to hear that you had a legitimate career goal soothed his worries.

A finely dressed waiter greeted you shortly, introducing himself and taking the both of your orders in one go, and stole away the menus. The rest of the date flew by quickly, tipsy from your cocktails and full of giggles as the two of you got to know one another. Although Eren was already knowledgeable about a number of your likes and dislikes and personality quirks due to Instagram, you had the undisguisable pleasure of learning his right then and there.

“So,” you leaned your elbows onto the table, resting your chin atop of your closed fists. “Tell me, how many girls have you taken here before?”

“Not a single one,” he chuckled lowly, passing the black booklet encasing his credit card as the waiter stopped at the table. “This is actually my first time taking anyone out somewhere so fancy. Usually I just hang out at the more lowkey spots around campus.”

“I would’ve been totally okay with going somewhere like that instead,” you frowned, that same guilt flooding back to your stomach. Eren hadn’t even let you see the bill before he had given it away, so you were completely ignorant as far as how far the total rang up. “You really didn’t have to take me out to such an expensive place.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, smirking as he did so, “Had to take my favorite girl somewhere nice, show you off in that gorgeous dress of yours.”

You blushed, moving your fists to hold your cheeks to try and contain the heat, “Fine, but next time, I want to see one of these ‘lowkey spots’.”

“Next time, huh?” Eren mused cockily.

“Yes, I guess I had a really great time tonight, consider yourself honored,” you giggled half heartedly.

“Oh believe me, I do.”

Eren had walked you to the front door of your apartment like the gentleman he was. Really, he was just trying to procrastinate leaving you, not wanting the night to be over with quite yet. Luckily, you were on the exact same page as he stood awkwardly behind you while you unlocked your front door.

You turned, an eyebrow raised, “Well? Are you coming in or what?”

“Say less,” he sighed in relief, following your sauntering frame inside your apartment. He was initially impressed as you flicked the light switch on the wall up, illuminating your precious space. Very clean and organized, he felt a pang of jealousy, knowing his own dorm room was scattered with clothes and empty water bottles. If he had only seen what your living space looked like before you had straightened up, he might have felt better about himself.

“I have some róse in the fridge,” you offered, making your way to the kitchen. “Would you like a glass?”

“No lie, that’s literally my favorite wine,” Eren groaned. “How are you this perfect?”

You laughed loudly, grabbing two wine glasses from your cabinet, opening your fridge and retrieving the bottle. Filling the glasses generously, you left the bottle on your kitchen counter and turned around, Eren a lot closer than where you had left him a moment ago. You extended his cup, which he graciously took and sipped. You mirrored him, gulping down your own mouthful.

“Y’know,” he started, gazing around your kitchen space. “For all that talk of mimosas in your Instagram bio, I really expected there to be a lot more pictures of you drinking them.”

You chuckled once again, “Believe me, I have plenty of orange juice, vodka, and champagne here. We had such a classy dinner, I thought I’d try and match it with some wine. Besides, vodka brings out the worst in me.”

“Ah, lady in the streets, freak in the sheets,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You rolled your eyes, swatting his bicep harmlessly. “I get what you’re about at brunch with the girls.”

“If I had a nickel for every time Mikasa had to peel me and Sasha off the pavement after mimosas and scones, I’d be fucking rich,” you giggled once again, raising the glass to your lips.

“I’m really surprised we hadn’t met each other before last night, especially because Mikasa and I have been best friends since we were little,” Eren raised an eyebrow. “She’s basically my sister, and never once did she say anything about you, I only met Sasha because Connie’s attached to her hip and they share the same brain cell.”

“If it makes you feel better, I only knew Jean existed because we had a class together this semester,” you shrugged, purposefully leaving out the part where he consumed your content almost as much as Eren did.

“And of course me,” Eren smirked cheekily. “Because I’m your favorite viewer, like you said.”

“Don’t make me regret telling you that,” you pointed your glass towards him in a fake threat.

“It’s okay, you’re my favorite girl, so it evens itself out,” Eren placed his half drunk glass on the counter top, his gaze much more seductive. “Besides, you wore my necklace like I asked, I gotta tease you a little bit.”

“I wore pretty much everything you wanted me to,” you smirked, copying his actions and settling your own cup down.

“Did you now?” he took long strides to stand in front of you, toying with the necklace that he had laid claim over.

“I can show you, if you want to see,” you leaned up with full intentions of capturing his kiss.

“There’s nothing else I would rather do, pretty girl,” Eren cooed, licking his lips before meeting you in the middle. His arms circled around your waist, your hands wrapped around his shoulders as the pace started out slowly. Gentle was not what either of you wanted though, the desperation seeping in fast as his fingers explored your sides.

“Bedroom,” you gasped as he removed his lips and attached them to your jaw. He had no qualms of fucking you right out here in the kitchen, so he made no effort to move. Realizing you had to take the reins, you moved backwards from Eren, smirking as he groaned from the sudden distance. His eyes followed you predatorily as he began to chase after you, your back meeting the wooden paneling of your bedroom door. He attempted to recapture your mouth, but your hand was faster in turning the door knob, and you began to lead him back until your mattress met the backs of your knees.

“Want you to show me what you’re wearing under that dress,” Eren demanded, playing with the short hem that rested on your thighs.

You nodded, giving him the silent okay to take off the fabric encompassing your frame. You turned so your back faced him, moving your hair out of the way so he could unzip the back. His eyes followed as he fingered the silver zipper, agonizingly teasing himself as more and more was revealed to him. Seeing the straps of the black lace he had requested drunkenly the night before, his patience snapped as he pulled the metal piece down faster. You slid the tiny straps off your shoulders at the sweet feeling of release, and Eren’s dick was rock fucking solid as it pooled around your feet, you kicked the silky fabric to the side and faced him once more.

“You’re wearing everything I told you to,” he stated, drinking in the sight of your scantily clad body. “Good girl.”

You bit back an embarrassing moan at his praise, feeling the heat pool between your thighs. It came as such a shock to you to be so reactive to his words, and it came slamming into you that maybe you weren’t as vanilla as you had previously believed. You had a kink! It all made so much sense, why you felt such pride and arousal from complete strangers giving you their attention and compliments online. You yearned for it, craved the affections, and now that Eren stood in front of you, more than willing to shower you with pretty words, all the moisture in your mouth dried up. You wanted him so fucking bad.

Eren’s hands met the naked skin of your waist as his palms etched over your soft stomach. They met in the middle of your back, leaning your back onto the mattress as he climbed on top of you, a single hand coming up to work on discarding his button up. You rushed to help, pads of your fingers working the buttons open until he revealed his bare chest, his chains hanging above you. He worked his arms out quickly, tossing the fabric onto the floor. He brought his lips to yours, this kiss much more desperate and needy than the previous ones. His hands explored every inch of your body, the tops of your thighs to the swell of your breasts. He tugged on the soft lace at the top, slowly bringing the black fabric down to expose the complete fullness of your breasts. A sight familiar yet somehow new made Eren groan, the pads of his thumbs brushing against your pretty nipples, instantly hardening them.

You moaned lightly, throwing your head back and arching your back into his touch. How many times had Eren pictured you just like this?

“I fucked my fist so many fucking times thinking about you,” he confessed as he pressed slow open mouthed kisses to your collarbone. “You have no idea what your pictures did to me, no idea what you’re doing to me right now.”

He leaned his bottom half forward, pressing his thick clothed erection into the meat of your thigh. You let out a whimper, head foggy as his words made your pussy clench around nothing.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he licked a stripe up your neck, leaving a wet saliva trail as he wrapped his lips around where he could feel your pulse the strongest. “My pretty girl.”

While Eren wanted to talk about what you did to him, all you could think about was what he was doing to you. The want and need that coursed through your veins was like a drug, you could feel him worming his way into your bloodstream, straight to the center of your heart and out to the warmest parts of your body. And you felt like an addict in that moment too, and every moment you would spend with Eren there after. You could feel his kisses as if he was underneath your skin, his entire body pressed against yours. So, so close, yet not close enough.

“Take off your pants,” you demanded shakily, placing your hands at the button of his slacks. He seemed to be on the same page of you yet again, and he followed his instructions without delay. He kicked out of the tight pants with ease, and you were more than pleased to see he had rid himself of his boxers too when you heard the thick slap of his cock meeting his stomach.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, eyes widened. “Eren, that’s not going to fit.”

“Don’t worry,” he soothed your hair back from your face, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of your nose. “I’ll make sure you’re nice and wet for me.”

He started to move south, licking and giving attention to your right nipple as he did so. While the idea of him giving you thorough attention was erotic, you really wanted to please him for your first time together, unknown to you as Eren had thought the exact same thing, wanting to make you feel so good you’d come crawling back to him for more.

You pushed yourself up into a seating position, Eren’s eyes flickering in confusion as you stood up. This look didn’t last for long as you switched positions, pushing his torso onto the bed as you rested atop of him, feet placed firmly on the ground. His mouth hung open in disbelief as you began to return his assault on his neck, sucking and kissing and even biting along the columns. He let out a shaky groan, unable to hold it back as your hands traveled down his chest to his abdomen, feeling over the muscles there.

“What’re you doing, princess?” Eren questioned teasingly, not trying to get his hopes up on what your plan seemed to be.

“Wanna’ make you feel good,” your eyes flickered up to meet the dark green of his eyes, watching as his pupils expanded as the realization hit him like a brick.

“Fuck, okay,” Eren subconsciously widened his thighs then, bringing himself up to lean on his elbows as your kisses followed shortly behind the trail of your fingers.

Your mouth met the defined muscle of his stomach, and your eyes drifted up to catch Eren’s reaction as you neared closer to his aching cock. His eyes were hardened on you, brows knitted together, he almost looked angry. You kitten licked above his navel, and knew the anger was superficial as he threw his head back, letting out a quiet groan. You leaned your body in closer, pushing your exposed chest against his length. He whipped his head forward again at the contact, his lips opened as he inhaled shaky breaths.

Part of you had kind of wanted to hear Eren beg for your mouth, but the thought had quickly left your head as he entangled his fingers into the back of your scalp, massaging gently as he did so. Without a moment of hesitation, you lowered your face so you were eye to eye with his thick shaft. Honestly, you really hadn’t expected Eren to be this big. You had caught a glimpse of his half erect member tenting in his pants the night before, but as it stood to full attention, you were very much intimidated by the sheer size. You gulped, putting on a brace face as you continued on.

The sound of Eren’s groans growing louder as you licked a bold stripe from the bottom of his base to the tip of his head had stirred your cunt deeply. You were on your knees now, feet tucked up under you when you felt the wet patch of your panties touch the back of your heels. You licked a few more times, your right hand trailing down from his stomach to grip him more upright. You pulled all the saliva in your mouth onto your tongue, and wrapped your lips around his tip while your hand secured a purposeful grip at his base. You started slow, only sucking in your cheeks and moving your tongue along the underside of his head, pumping him at the same pace. You could feel beads of spit meet your knuckles, circling your tongue around the entirety of his fat mushroom tip. You smoothly licked along his slit, collecting his gushing precum and tasting the salty liquid.

Meanwhile as you had just started your worship of his cock, Eren was watching you in disbelief as your eyelashes fluttered along your cheeks, mouth prepping yourself to take in his full length. He had pulled himself into a sitting position now to provide you the best angle he could. He was in complete awe, furrowing eyebrows and his mouth hanging open, he knew in that moment there was absolutely no point of return. He would follow you from here on out, whether it be online or in reality, wherever you would go. Soulmates, he reminded himself while he collected your hair into his fist and away from your mouth. You were his fucking soulmate.

You pressed your knees upward, eyes opening. Eren’s pupils were blown out, his breathing irregular, and you wanted to watch him completely unfold as you angled your head to drop lower onto his shaft, hand working just a little faster.

“Fuck —“ he stuttered, eyes blazing into yours. “That’s it, take all of me, you’re such a good girl.”

You moaned lightly at his praise once again, and Eren’s cock hit the back of your throat. You pulled your lips up slowly, tongue caressing the underside of his member the entire time, and quickly brought your unoccupied hand into a fist. This was the first time you would be trying out this trick, reading it in a magazine since your gag reflex was very strong and this helped soothe the impulse. Eren was not prepared in the slightest as you removed the hand gripping him, letting his dick fall forward a bit more. You took a deep breathe through your nose, spit coating his entire cock now, and pushed your mouth fast back down his shaft.

Eren let out a strangled gasp when your nose brushed against his pelvis, “Holy fucking — fuck. Shit, yeah, just like that. You look so fucking pretty right now.”

Tears were threatening the spill over your lash line and you bobbed your head furiously, taking in as much as you could before you gagged. You stared up at him the entire time, watching his face screw together as you lapped and sucked his cock. Your jaw was aching already from his size, minding your teeth placement as you quickened your pace. You returned your hand to wrap and pump whatever your mouth wasn’t able to reach as you set yourself into a more comfortable pattern. Your other hand cupped his balls, swirling them softly in your palms.

Eren’s fingers yanked you back, his dick falling out of your lips in a soft pop, as you looked up in confusion, “Gonna’ stop you there baby, gonna’ make me cum.”

His hand in your hair guided you back up to his lips, and Eren could taste himself as his tongue pushed through your swollen mouth to enter yours. You moaned into the kiss, so sloppy and messy, you took no notice of Eren’s hands wiping away the leftover dribble on your chin. He yanked you back, a bit rougher this time, and you panted, rubbing your thighs together at the force. He eyed you up, your beautiful tits still on display, the fabric of your lace bra folded underneath them.

“Get naked for me, princess,” he cooed, untangling his fingers from your scalp. You did as you were told, practically ripping the lace set off your body as you soon stood stark naked in front of Eren. He pushed his legs up, joining you. You felt very small then as he towered above you, playing with the tips of your hair, he guided you around until you were forced to lay yourself flat on your back on the mattress once again.

Eren caressed your shins as he stood tall in front of you, never breaking eye contact. You could still see the glistening of your saliva on his cock, and heat continued to pool in between your thighs in anticipation of his next move.

“Look at you,” he whispered, wrapping his fingers on the tops of your bent knees, legs closed together. “So pretty, it almost hurts to look at you.”

His darkened eyes shot down, drinking you all in before settling on your closed legs. With his hands, he gently forced them to part, and he let out a quiet moan at the sight in front of him. Dripping in arousal, almost sparkling and shining like the gem you were, your pussy spread open for him, begging for his attention. His gaze darted up back to your face, trying not to get too carried away as he admired your beautiful body.

Eren let out a dark chuckle, stroking his hands to the meat of your thighs, “You have no idea the things I have planned for us, princess.”

You whimpered, unable to voice a single word. His right hand moved towards your center, and you gasped sharply as he gently grazed your folds with the lightest of touches. His thumb landed a hair above your clit, and you squirmed, desperate now. He circled so slowly on your pearl, gazing on with an inflated ego. Eren wanted you to beg for him, to tell you all about those ideas he had going on in his head while he fucked his fingers into you.

He decided to go easy on you though, you had plenty of time ahead of you to learn exactly what he wanted when it came to the bedroom, he cooed, “I’m gonna’ show you off, just like you deserve. Gonna’ buy you pretty things, treat you like the fucking princess you are — gonna’ be my pretty girl.”

“Please, Eren,” you whimpered, attempting to push your pelvis into his hand, failing miserably as his other one gripped your thigh in place. “I need you.”

“Tell me exactly what you need, baby,” Eren smirked.

“Everything,” you breathed out. “I want you to keep calling me pretty, wan’ you to fuck me.”

“We’ll get to that part soon,” he paused, lowering his head to your inner thigh, getting to his knees on the floor. “Just need to make you feel good first, pretty girl.”

Eren licked a bold stripe up your pussy as you mewled, feeling a shred of relief as the tip of his tongue circled your clit. You felt a bead of saliva, probably mixed in with your own arousal, travel down the seam of your ass. Eren was starving, and you tasted so delicious, a sweet tart flavor exploding across his taste buds. He flattened his tongue, and looked up to watch your gorgeous face as his lips engulfed your clit.

You threw your head back, eyes rolling into the back of your skull as you attached your hands to your breasts, pulling and tugging on your nipples. He positioned his hands to the back of your thighs then, somehow managing to spread you open even more. The sounds he made in between your folds were wet and sloppy, and he rubbed small circles with the pads of his thumbs into the creases where your legs met your ass.

He never broke away from your face, watching everything unfold before him. Now that you were free from his solidifying grip, your hips were rolling. He watched your ribs expand and fall as you moaned unabashedly, rubbing your cunt into his mouth. Eren had never seen a more beautiful sight, and suddenly, it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. His right hand itched closer to your opening, and you trembled at the prodding of his index fingers. His tongue flopped around sloppily, slurping your bud in between his lips as he entered you slowly, cock pulsing at the feeling of your slick velvety walls greeting his finger.

Here he was, on his knees before you, eyes heavy and swirling because of you. You arched your back as he pumped the single digit in you slowly at first. He felt the tight clench of your walls as his tongue flicked at a certain angle, pleased that he had discovered very quickly how he was going to get you to cum. Eren was impatient, and as much as he wanted to stay between the heat of your thighs for hours if you’d let him, he really needed that orgasm from you. The tip of his pointer finger left you briefly, and you whimpered at the sudden loss, quickly becoming breathless and he slammed it right back in alongside his middle finger. They curled inside of you, brushing right against the soft spongy wall that was your g-spot. You were gushing for him, the sloppy noises of his assaults resounding around the bedroom.

“Fuck, fuck,” you panted, feeling your breasts bounce as he fucked his fingers into you at an alarming pace, tongue following the pattern eagerly. “Oh my god, I’m so close, Eren, I’m gonna’ cum.”

He pulled his mouth back momentarily, voice husky and pleading as he told you, “Cum for me, baby.”

You slammed your hips down onto his knuckles, feeling the underside of his palm and your slick. He had been reduced to curling and angling his fingers inside of you, watching in adoration and awe as you bounced yourself on his fingers, rubbing your pretty pussy against his mouth. Eren had just become a bystander at this point, he was pretty much forced to be stilled as you used his mouth and hands so greedily, feeling an unfamiliar swell in your cunt.

And when your back arched, and your walls clenched so fiercely tight around his drenched fingers, Eren found his forever love. He’d do anything, be anyone, whatever the fuck that was asked of him, to see this sight for the rest of his life. You were vibrating, legs shaking so strongly, Eren had to mentally catch up when he felt a gush of hot liquid soak him. He shifted his gaze down in shock, and holy shit, you were squirting.

You swore you had never orgasmed like this before, it was more than stars you were seeing behind your closed eyelids. It was pure black, absolute nothingness as your brain short circuited. It was like your pussy was taking a deep breath, because when the onset of contractions hit you, you thought you were going to pass out. And poor Eren, who stared dumbly in front of him at how intense your muscles were flexing, was already so deeply in love with you and was confessing his eternal devotion to you in his mind.

When your cunt had settled down, and your hips relented in pushing yourself against Eren’s face and hands, you let out a low moan as he slid his drenched fingers out of you. He stared at his hand, shining with your cum, and flickered his gaze up to you.

“I’m going to fucking marry you,” he growled. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

You let out an exhausted laugh, “Would you believe me if I told you that was the first time I’ve ever squirted?”

“I’m buying you a goddamn ring tomorrow,” he placed a kiss to your inner thigh, moving his body up to hover above you. Eren’s hands wrapped around your thighs once again, propping your knees to your chest. He saw the slight trace of fear in your eyes, and he paused, “You okay?”

“It’s just,” you gazed at the point between your bodies. “Are you gonna’ fit?”

Eren leaned forward, feeling slightly relieved, his face still dripping in your essence, and he placed a sweet, romantic kiss to your lips, pulling away to murmur, “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

You nodded your head, letting the worry roll off your body as one of his hands caressed your cheek, never breaking eye contact with him. The other hand reached in between your centers, grabbing his throbbing cock and sliding himself along your pussy. He was soon coated in your juices, and both of you were letting out quiet moans. As he sunk his tip into your entrance though, you were gasping loudly.

Eren really had wanted to be gentle, he had no intentions whatsoever of hurting you, but he had realized very quickly that you were going to be the one to set the pace in the relationship. Because as soon as half of his shaft was anchored in your heat, your hips slammed upwards to engulf his entire length. He bit back a yelp at the suddenness, fisting the sheets by your waist in a tight grip. If Eren didn’t feel like a virgin before, he sure as fuck did now.

You didn’t realize just how prepped that orgasm had made you, or how sensitive. What you had believed would’ve been pain was insurmountable and mind blowing pleasure, and you smiled in pride as Eren’s jaw fell open. You felt his hands fall from the underside of your thighs, and you took the opportunity, leveraging your legs, and thrusted upwards. Eren bottomed out inside of you, and you winced slightly at the mild pain of his tip meeting the wall of your cervix, the stretch of your walls accommodating him as you fluttered around him.

“You’re so big, Eren,” you moaned out, moving your hands to grasp his flexing biceps. “‘Feels so good.”

Eren was fighting an internal war — go as slow as physically possible as to not bust in your heavenly pussy in three strokes, or give you the best two minutes of your fucking life. Because it was absolutely all way too much, your gorgeous face, your soaked core, the way you gripped his cock so tightly. You were a vixen, Eren’s personal vices wrapped up in one human body. He couldn’t help but take notice of how perfectly your bodies fit together, your pussy made for him.

“Eren, move, please,” you whined, attempting to squirm your hips. He shot a hand down to your hip, stilling you as he gave you a warning glare.

“I’m trying really hard not to cum inside of you right now,” Eren groaned, finally moving his hips. “You’re so fucking tight, baby. Making it real hard for me right now.”

Little was Eren aware of your pussy still on edge from the mind blowing power of your first orgasm, and you mouth lolled open as he slowly fucked you. If you were to touch your clit, or have any type of pressure there right now, it would be over for you as well. You’d have all the time in the future to have long, drawn out sex with Eren, but the two of you were just way too turned on and aroused by each other to have anything but heavy and fast sex. With a slight hesitation on your end, also not wanting to cum so quickly around his length, you rocked your hips into his fastening pace.

Eren chose the latter of his two options then, feeling the ridges of your pussy pulse and flutter around his cock. He pulled all the way back, tip daring to fall out of your little hole, and he flung himself right back in to the hilt. He repeated this a few times, and you were trying your best to hold back screams. Eren was drooling at the sight of your pretty pink pussy taking him, sloppy and messy from his saliva and your cum. He brought his attention to your bouncing breasts, molding one into his palm, rolling the nipple in the center.

Eren’s thrusts quickened dramatically, and he knew that your warning from the previous night had been true. You were screaming, calling out his name and several swears and ‘oh my god’s. This only encouraged him more, ego pretty much stroking his own cock as he plunged into you at a dangerous pace. He knew he was going to fast approach his orgasm, but Eren wasn’t stupid either. He could feel the clench tightening around him as he fucked right into that pretty spot inside of you, the way your breathing changed after a few seconds of that. Eren would become your number one expert, knowing every tell tale sign of your body, and what you were feeling. From one orgasm, he knew how your breathing changed, and Eren was determined to take you to those heights again.

Keeping the flick of his hips at the slamming pace he was at, he brought his thumb to your swollen clit. At the impact, your eyes screwed closed over the overwhelming pleasure. You felt a twinge of pain, just so sensitive from how strong you came before, but didn’t stop Eren as he rolled your pearl in fast circles, putting delicate pressure on the very top. It took maybe three strokes of his cock and a slight unsteady irregularity in his pattern to get you right where he had wanted you — desperate to cum alongside him.

“I’m so close, Eren,” you moaned out, lower body buzzing in anticipation.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” he demanded, a shocked moan crawling out of his throat at the first clench. “Oh, fuck, good girl.”

You spasmed under him, eyebrows shooting up in a furrow as you arched your back uncontrollably, the wave of your second orgasm slamming into you like a train. You could hear the squelching of Eren fucking your pussy as you contracted around him, or as he tried to. It was pure ecstasy, a feeling of wholeness filling you entirely. Half way through your orgasm, he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding out of you as he pumped himself fast above you. You held your legs open, breathing heavily as Eren watched your muscles contract in astonishment. He had never made a girl cum like this before, so hard and so visually. Your beautiful face, eyes encouraging him to cum, was all he needed. His dick was covered in you, his fingers sticky and soaked. It was all so fucking sloppy, and the thought and sight of it all caught up to him.

You felt the hot ropes of cum hit your belly, moaning at the sight. Eren was fucking his fist, cock thrusting in his grip like he had been doing in your pussy. His head hung forward, eyes drinking in the entirety of you. He shot his load on your lower half, stroking himself down after a couple of minutes, breathing heavily.

He eyed the box of tissues on your nightstand, and grabbed a few, languidly wiping his cum off of your abdomen as the two of you tried to catch your breath, or bring a ration thought back into your minds.

“We just had porn star sex,” you giggled tiredly.

“Oh yes we fucking did,” Eren smirked. “Not to like hype you up or whatever, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Your pride and ego swelled as he finished wiping up his cum, discarding the tissues in the bin on the floor. He hadn’t given you much time to respond, asking where the bathroom was so he could grab a rag to clean you up. You were humbled, affection rising in your chest when he returned to take care of your exhausted body. No one had bothered with aftercare before, and right then and there, you knew Eren was a keeper.

“Thank you,” you yawned out, stretching your legs in front of you. Eren hung around a little awkwardly, not sure of what to do. “You can spend the night, if you want to.”

He raised his eyebrows, a smile crossing his face, “Do you want me to?”

You rolled your eyes, pushing yourself back until your head met your pillows and lifted your comforter, gesturing for Eren to join you. And that he did, pouncing on the offer and sliding into bed with you, not hesitating for a second to wrap his muscular arms around your waist. He kissed you gently, pulling away to place his lips on your shoulder as you began to drift off.

You awoke alone in your bed, the bright rays of the sun hazy as you blinked the sleep away. You could smell and hear the sizzling of breakfast in your kitchen, your bedroom door swung wide open. You threw your legs over the mattress, stealing a quick look at yourself in the mirror. You cringed at the mascara stains under your eyes, taking a tissue and wiping underneath your lashes to look presentable enough for the man looming in your kitchen. You discarded the tissue, and slid on a pair of fresh panties and Eren’s enormous sweatshirt you had yet to return, and padded your bare feet across your floor to join him.

Eren’s back faced you, his form only clad in a pair of boxers as he focused his complete attention to the frying pans in front of him. You smirked, leaning against your counter, placing your chin in your open hands.

“Good morning, Chef Eren,” you teased, catching him off guard as he jumped a bit.

He turned to face you, hair a complete mess as a boyish smile graced his face, “Morning, princess. I hope you don’t mind my mess.”

“It smells amazing, so I guess I can figure out a way to forgive you,” you sighed dramatically. “Only if there’s coffee involved, though.”

“Way ahead of you,” he moved his legs over to your coffee machine, a pair of steaming muga awaiting his hand. He grabbed one, a plain white mug that matched the rest of your kitchen set, and set it on the counter in front of you.

“If you’re trying to earn extra credit, it’s working,” you said, dumbstriken.

“Gotta’ show you I’m boyfriend material,” he wagged his eyebrows, turning back to the frying pan before cutting the heat off. “I couldn’t find your plates, though.”

“Cabinet above the sink,” you directed, pulling out a stool from underneath your kitchen bar. “Forks and stuff are in the drawer by the refrigerator.”

Eren nodded, collecting two plates and the necessary utensils from their designated areas. The sight of eggs and bacon made your mouth water, and you were about to get a key made specifically for Eren to waltz in every morning to cook you this glorious meal every single day. You thanked him as he set your plate in front of you, and you dug in.

“Eren, it’s so good,” you complimented after chewing. “You really know how to treat a girl.”

He simply laughed, and the two of you fell into a pleasant conversation. And then by the time mid day rolled around, the two of you had talked all about where you’d be spending the evening. The night had ended just like the one before in mind blowing sex, the morning after repeating itself, and again, and again.

A month later, you had updated your Instagram bio. ‘Connoisseur of mimosas, rock and roll, and Eren Jaeger’. And when it had come time to update your OnlyFans content, you were more than happy to have your own personal photographer to use at your discretion. Just as long as you continued to wear his necklace, Eren would take as many pictures as you needed him to, knowing you’d end up in each other’s beds at the end of the session anyways. And he’d continue to follow you, this time though, you’d gladly send him his favorite pictures for free.

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[blindbeta]

Your Content and Accessibility For the Blind

Hello everyone! I was thinking about accessibility and wanted to make a post to help creators. This is going to cover general accessibility for blind people interacting with your content. Some of it may be obvious to some and this is by no means comprehensive, so feel free to add anything you think of that is helpful. Also, I wanted to include some ideas for DeafBlind people, but I am not DeafBlind or D/deaf, so I simply listed some general accessibility ideas. If anyone has any other tips or things to consider, please add them in a comment or message and I’ll include it here.

Remember, blindness exists on a spectrum. This post will focus on making things accessible for totally blind people, although these tips can also be beneficial for people with residual vision who use screen readers to reduce eye strain, for small text, for clarity, etc. D/deafness and DeafBlindness are also on spectrums. Some DeafBlind people have some hearing, some vision, a little of both, or none of either. If someone asks you for better or different accessibility services for your content, listen and try to accommodate them as best you can. I have provided some links and resources here to attempt to explain accessibility for blind people, which will include blind people who are DeafBlind. The point is accessibility issues can come from both sides whether it be the audio or visual sides.

Some general helpful links:

AFB’s Advice for image descriptions here

Screen-readers here

Improving Accessibility for the DeafBlind community here

How DeafBlind People Use Technology and The Importance of Braille and Transcripts: Understanding Assistive Technology

Online Content:

GIFs, Pictures, Fan-art, PSA and info posts, Memes, Screenshots of Text Posts or Screenshots of Twitter Threads- Provide an image description on your original post! This is the best option, as you probably know your content best and what you wish to draw attention to. More importantly, every reblog will include an image description, which means the blind person doesn’t need to hunt for an image description in the reblogs! If you know more than one language, include image descriptions in those languages.

Note: Always include descriptions when you post images with or about blind people or characters. Particularly fan-art you made of blind characters. If you don’t, consider why and think about how it would feel to be shut out of something about yourself.

What should you include?

Write Image Description in brackets and include End of Image Description at the end for clarification. As for what you should describe, it depends on what the picture is. Include where it is from. For example, “a screenshot of a Twitter thread by BlindBetaIsAwesome”. Include the text and describe any GIFs or images it includes. Write everything out as they appear. Describe emojis as well. When writing out screen names or hashtags, capitalize the first letter of each word. Otherwise screen-readers read it oddly. For example instead of #accessibilityfortheblind try #AccessibilityForTheBlind. If you think someone will want to search a name, include a link.

You should describe what is important in the image, especially for conveying information or humor. General ideas include: image origin, who is in the image, what they’re doing, any relevant colors or clothing, objects they’re holding, their facial expression, any emojis, and any text in the image. Blind people do like to know about color. For NSFW stuff, include ‘NSFW’ at the start, but other than that, yes, blind people also generally like NSFW things described.

Fanfiction:

Generally, fanfic is very accessible to screen-readers and Braille Displays. However, there are a few ways you can make it more accessible.

Pictures: Include alt-text for any images you post such as artwork or character social media posts. Describe it like you would any other image. Alt-text is different from an image description because instead of a screen-reader saying “image” when it finds an image, it will describe the image. An image description is the text included beneath the picture that everyone can see. Including some kind of description, especially for plot-relevant images, can allow all blind readers to experience the fic.

Chat conversations: Again, for hashtags and screen names, capitalize the first letter of each word for the ease of screen-readers. For characters who don’t use capitalization much, you can add a hyphen between each word to make it easier to read like this: blind-beta-likes-fanfic-too.

Emojis: Screen readers can’t fully read emojis like this one that uses keyboard slashes and symbols to create an image ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (image description: emoji of a person shrugging with both palms lifted upwards. End description.) However, they can read emojis that come on a phone such as 🧁which screen readers read as “cupcake”.

Podfics are also good for hearing people with no vision or reduced vision. Having a podfic with good quality (maybe one that can describe images found in the story) will reduce some of the issues listed here and give blind people another, fun way to interact with content. However, I would try to keep in mind the things I mentioned above for the sake of screen-readers and Braille Displays, which are particularly important for some DeafBlind people who may want to read your fanfic and may not be able to hear well enough to use a screen-reader.

Lastly, keep in mind that any kind of comic may be inaccessible to some blind people. Write with them in mind. Include a message at the start of the story, maybe that it contains material from the comic, graphic novel, or print cartoon. If you know of a comic dub, link to it. If there is none, include details in the story so that a non-manga or non-comic reader would be able to understand.

Web-Comics/Web-Graphic-Novels:

First, I did research and found a comic book store for the blind called Comics Empower. Unfortunately, when I click the link provided on Twitter and the articles I read, the site seems to be down.

However, this is about you all and sharing your comics with blind readers. You have a few options:

Alt-text. This is descriptions directly ‘inside’ the image, which is not visible to everyone. You can read about alt-text for comics specially here and you can read general info for alt-text for screen-readers and Braille Displays here.

Image descriptions. These are descriptions of each comic page (hopefully with a paragraph for each panel) that can be visible to anyone. You can describe your comic, who is in it, what they’re doing, and what they’re saying, probably beneath the image.

Comic Audio Performances. These are accessible to both blind and sighted audiences. These are videos using actors for the dialogue, sound effects, and moving comic panels. Pros for this style include increased viewership, increased accessibility for the blind, and perhaps more revenue if you have a way to monetize the content. Cons include that it is more work, could potentially cost money when hiring actors initially, may not be accessible to anyone with hearing loss, and may still require a bit of audio description for some panels that are hard to follow with only sound effects.

What can you do?

A few ideas I had were to use a combination of image descriptions and audio performances to make the comics accessible to a number of people who may be blind, or DeafBlind. Having options is helpful. For ther issue of some panels needing extra description in order to make sense, I thought of including time-stamps and descriptions in the description section, labeling it as image descriptions for the blind. Include dialogue for reference. Or an audio description could be added such as:

Audio narration: “Bee sits on a couch writing.”

Sound Effect of a purring cat.

Audio narration: “Blind Beta picks up an orange cat and puts him on the couch next to them.”

Dialogue: “I’m so glad I have a cat to cuddle with!”

I will touch on this in the video section, but while it is sadly not possible to add audio descriptions onto YouTube as of 2021, you can add them manually through websites you like YouDescribe. For your comics, I suggest, reading about YouDescribe, downloading the app, creating a narration transcript for your web comic performance, and posting the described audio performance onto YouDescribe. Post both versions as close to the same time as you can, and include a link to the described version in the YouTube description. A glance at YouDescribe will tell you not all videos are available with descriptions and not all blind people are aware of this service. Not all videos are searchable in their library either. However, it is an option I wanted to include.

You could also simply include the audio narration in your main YouTube video if you would like. Or any combination of my suggestions you feel comfortable with.

YouTube Videos/Video Clips:

I wanted to cover YouTube videos and video clips shared on websites like tumblr. For small clips, image descriptions and transcripts could probably be listed together. I have seen this done and it seems to help people.

Again, the original poster should post the description with the video. This is because they know the most important parts and because all reblogs of the post will include the description, so no one will have to hunt down a description that may not exist.

For the clip or clip compilation, mention where the clips come from, who is in them, and what they are doing. You could probably have a separate paragraph for each clip and include times-stamps if possible.

For videos you post on YouTube, descriptions can be very helpful! Unfortunately, YouTube does not support adding an audio description track at this time. Ideally, YouTube would have a description track one could turn on and off such as with subtitles. Until then, if you want to add a description, you should add one yourself when you post the video onto YouTube or any other website.

Before I get into how, let’s go over something else.

What videos need descriptions?

-Recipe videos - especially ones with only text. Ingredients, steps, measures, methods, any flourishes or special scenery (such as when shopping for ingredients) should be described. Blind people don’t just want you to read the recipe to them. They want to know what is happening in the video and how it is being done.

-Tutorials - These often contain a voice-over and accompanying images to demonstrate. A creator can opt to simply include more visual description along with the other information in the voice-over or add extra narration later (see the “How?” section below). For these videos, make sure to avoid or expand on any visually dependent parts such as “click here” or “fold here” or “when you finish, it should look like this”. Videos that contain only text and demonstration, however, will need a more traditional audio description the same as any other video.

-Silent aesthetic videos - Sometimes containing music or focusing on natural noise, these videos are usually vlogs with soothing activities or daily routines. They often show scenery, pretty things, or tours. Because these videos are silent, sometimes containing only text, they are not accessible. However, they can be easy to describe, perhaps in a soothing or educational fashion.

-Music videos - Because these videos are by nature visual, they may not be accessible. They may also have inconsistent, poor, or changing lighting for aesthetic purposes or set changes. This means audio descriptions would be helpful.

-Text-based videos - Obviously these are not accessible or may be difficult to read depending on font size, style, or background. For these, putting the text in the description may suffice. Label it so that blind people are aware they are getting the same material. If the text includes pictures or short clips, you could also simply include your own narration on the video itself or see the “How?” section below for another alternative.

-Game Play-Throughs - Games can sometimes be completely inaccessible pe very difficult depending on the person’s level of site. A lot of video games a not accessible or difficult to play, with quick-moving graphics, perhaps small text, or other difficulties. Because of this, blind people may enjoy game plays on YouTube for video games and mobile games.

-Skits or other performances - Think of these as Netflix shows with audio description tracks. Blind people may miss out on some visual humor, plot elements, or other fun visual aspects like costumes.

-Original Films, Animation, Clips From Shows - Again, think of it as any TV show that needs to description to cover visual aspects of what is happening. Scenery, characters, what they’re doing, any text, facial expressions, etc.

Pet videos- Because pets are cute and they should be described! Especially because these videos are sometimes hard to follow, such as a pet doing a trick.

How? How Do We Provide This?

There is always the option to add your own audio descriptions. However, that way confuse already-existing narration or may not be possible for already-published videos. You may also have trouble speaking and wish for someone else to provide audio descriptions. The video may be a music video or one you want to remain silent for the aesthetic. You may want to add a description to a video you enjoy that is not one you uploaded personally.

A free website and mobile app called YouDescribe can help with that. It allows people to add audio descriptions to videos on YouTube. You can even describe videos on a wishlist. Find out more here.

If you describe your video or have it described, be sure to link to the YouDescribe video in the description of your YouTube version so that people can find it easily, or note that it is available on YouDescribe.

Here is a link to the website

And a link to the app.

This site may be a bit too niche, but I figure if it helps one person, I’ll be happy. My entire blog is niche, when you think about it- targeting writers who specifically want to write and read about blind characters. It’ll be fine.

Keep in mind that audio descriptions may not be accessible to all DeafBlind people. An inclusive option could be to include a description under your video so people with Braille Displays can read it.

Print Books, Audiobooks, Large Print Books, or Braille Books?

Let’s get into something you writers might be interested in. Books! Let’s say you wrote a book with a blind character. How do you make sure it can be accessed by blind readers? You want to have a few options.

Print books - These are accessible to people with reduced vision. It is also possible to scan print books to read with voiceover, but I can’t imagine many people buying books simply to scan unless they borrowed/found it. So it could be an option, I suppose. Scanning books also takes time because you need to do each individual page.

Audiobooks - Audiobooks are great. They are accessible to blind people who can hear. They are cheaper to produce than Braille books, take up less space, and are better for the environment. They can be expensive when you buy them. Libraries have extensive collections now, however, because libraries don’t usually have any Braille books and very few large print books, not all blind people use them, even for digital access. However,many blind people love audiobooks so it a good way to make sure your content is accessible.

As of now, my library app is accessible with a screenreader, so reading audiobooks is possible. E-books are not currently accessible with a screen-reader on this particular app.

Make sure to release your print books and audiobooks at the same time or as soon as possible. It isn’t fair for blind people to have to wait, although there are cases where not having an audiobook is understandable. Keep in mind that the less options you have, the less accessible your content will be.

Large Print Books - I used to get large print books myself. I would say it is less likely publishers will want to publish large print books because they are, of course, larger and take up more space. (Not as much as Braille books, but we’ll get into that.) As you may assume, they are also less popular with readers. Publishers make exceptions for textbooks, so if you are making a textbook or an educational book, particularly one with drawings, publishers might allow it. They also might consider making large print editions of children’s books. Large print books can sometimes be found at libraries, although they are usually crammed into their own limited section. That shows how rare it is for large print books to be printed compared to regular-sized books. I have an extra note about this in the children’s book section, but for the most part, I think you can get away with not having a large print edition of your book.

Braille Books - I should you one doesn’t just make a Braille book. Feelings toward them are generally complicated. They can wear down over time, cost a lot, and take up a lot of space. One volume of a book is several volumes of Braille books. Libraries don’t generally have them- you have to request them from various places like The National Library Service for the Blind (NLS). For more information about obtaining or borrowing Braille books, look here.

Braille Books have largely been replaced by refreshable Braille displays and audiobooks. However, they are still important. They can also help DeafBlind people, if a book cannot be read on a Braille display (see the section on e-books below). My suggestion would be to skip Braille books unless you are writing for children (see the Children’s Books section) or your book contains many diagrams that need to be embossed.

Children’s Books -

I wanted to briefly discuss children’s books. With children’s books, you will, of course, want to have a print book and an audiobook available, perhaps even someone reading the book on YouTube. If the book has pictures, descriptions of the pictures would be nice. This is also where I think large print and Braille books may be not only possible or more likely, but important. Children are just learning to read and will continue to explore a love for reading. Therefore, a lack of reading material can be challenging.

If possible, you may want to consider asking your publisher if large print or Braille versions are possible. While websites are available so that children can get books, you may want to ask for your book to be published in these formats if your story has a blind MC.

Braille literacy is declining in the blind community, with children (and frankly many others) choosing to use VoiceOver and audiobooks to read rather than Braille. Being able to read helps reinforce spelling, grammar, meaning in ways that are not possible with having things read to you. That said, children should also be encouraged to learn technology and use audiobooks when they feel comfortable.

If you are publishing a children’s book, particularly with a blind MC, consider what your options are for increasing accessibility.

E-Books:

This is one of the more accessible options, as it can be read with a screen-reader or Braille display. E-books are also common enough that they are released at the same time as print books. The text can usually be adjusted and readers usually have a Search feature. However, accessibility is still a problem with e-books. While authors cannot fix this, they should be aware of it. You can read about accessibility issues here.

-

I hope all this helped somewhat. I provide sensitivity reading for blind characters for anyone who is interested.

[snickerdoodlles]

📘 more please and thank you

always happy to provide ❤

i call this one tiktok fic, and it's an offshoot of nothing new. this is a screenshot from the notes doc for that fic (i'm the yellow points, @jemmo are the reg ones):

and then the thought of Pat and Pran's dad sending each other songs and eventually all sorts of dad jokes & architecture/engineering & probably finishing memes was borne and then it...spiraled...

so, first things first: big huge kudos to the actor who played Pran's dad. yall. i love Pran's dad. the actor really went "my character may not have a name, but he has big heart eyes for his wife!!!!" he didn't have to give us that, but he did, and i love him for it.

at some point, Pat's going to get him onto tiktok to watch something, and then Pran's dad is going to make a video that pretty much sums up into ":D i love my wife!! :D" and it goes viral. he's going to get a decent following of people being like "omg, he's so wholesome!!" and then he'll post something with Pat in it, and that's when the story idea REALLY takes off

I'm just copy-pasting mine and jemmo's latest rant about this one under the readmore because it makes me smile and tbh i wouldnt be able to properly summarize this one anyways, so please enjoy 😂❤

thecookiemonster77

someone sent another 📓 request and I’m trying to remember the silly notes we had over Pat and Pran’s dad getting into tiktok so they could be all 😍 over their partners

except then I started thinking about Pat being 😍 and little has been accomplished since

jemmo

omg YEASSSSS I remember that tiktok rant and about how both dissaya and pran would shake their heads and bond over their ridiculous partners being the cutest dumbasses gotta love them

thecookiemonster77

I remember so little of the tiktok thing ajdjdjjd like???? vaguely recall it started from Pat sending Pran’s dad ridiculous videos I think??????? I want to say it began bc Pran’s dad was like “my sons mortified I know what tiktok is so I’m here to embarrass him terribly” and ramble on about ?????SOMETHING fuck if ik what. but he keeps going and keeps rambling about how much he loves his wife and sons bc ofc he does, he’s just filled with love!!! and then one of them takes off and whelp, Pran’s never escaping now. Pat why are you laughing this is terri—WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE ONE TOO

i think that’s how it went at least idk

I wish I thought to write down the notable tiktoks from this fic tho im drawing a total blank ajsjdj

jemmo

yeahhhhhh it was that it was an extension of pat becoming one of the family and getting close to pran’s dad and them starting out sharing TikTok’s with bad engineering jokes and then pran’s dad download the app and it goes downhill from there. and then he goes viral for being the best husband ever. and then when pran’s dad and pat start doing tiktok trends and dances together and ppl in the comments are like who’s this guy???? pran’s dad is way too giddy to be like ‘he’s my sons boyfriend’ and now ppl are like 10x more invested in this family much to pran’s dismay, except he’s more than happy to find the perfect lighting to do pat justice in videos

thecookiemonster77

RIGHT THANK YOU hndjdjd it’s so fuzzy in my head 😂😂

I remember Pran’s tiktok being about Pat and Pats about him and Pran’s dad being shamelessly embarrassing on main but that’s about it whoops

also Pran swings wildly between giving Pat the most perfect lighting and trying to make him look as ugly as possible (gl dude that ain’t possible)

jemmo

i feel like pran started his tiktok bc pat was getting so many thirst comments and he needed to stake his claim (not that he’d let pat know that) and now he just uses it to capture all the moments of pat being cute or doing nice things for him or just being pat yknow

pran’s tiktok is basically just the biggest flex ever

and pats is a combination of him being whipped for pran and doing stupid shit with his friends

thecookiemonster77

pran couldnt read the comments on his dad or pats videos if he didnt have an account and if hes going to HAVE to get one of these stupid things, hes going to Win

jemmo

oh ofc it’s a competition. and ofc ppl just love him (and all the cute pat moments he captures) so much that he always gets the most views

thecookiemonster77

pran stay winning lmao

one of pran's top tiktoks should just be him 'sleeping' on pat's naked abs

flex of the century

thecookiemonster77

one of pat's is him trying to follow one of prans recipes. sometimes he'll read an instruction and be like "..??? WHELP time for me to google, idk why my boyfriend expects me to know what the fuck a 'double boiler' is but here we are" and "boyfriend's recipe SAYS its mild but thats twelve chilis, so we will be doing only 3 because i am a baby and i dont want to die"

thecookiemonster77

prans comment on the video: thats not what you said last night

pat: me dying because im your baby and me dying because i am a baby are two entirely separate things mr parakul

jemmo

😂😂😂😂😂 I AM LIVING YESSSSSSS

first of all pran’s top tiktoks just consist of him filming pat while he’s still asleep nestled into his side nose pressed against his neck bc ppl need to know pat is his baby

jemmo

and omgggg the cooking one 😂😂 he’d upload a second one that’s just outtakes that consist of him spilling stuff and generally making a mess and being like ‘no oh no pran will kill me if I don’t clean this up’, him nearly burning himself and him calling to pran from off camera or upstairs of whatever like ‘pran plssss help me I don’t get it’ but then you hear pran behind the camera like ‘no you have to do it yourself that’s the challenge’. basically pats about to be super pouty but pran is gonna be so so proud of him when he pulls it off

thecookiemonster77

u know that thing where ohm nuzzle's nanon's shoulder/arm before flopping against him? thats approximately 60% of prans tiktok ajdhfjh

pat feeding pran his creation tho and when pran smiles pats like "WE HAVE ACHIEVED A DIMPLE THIS IS DIMPLE APPROVED"

jemmo

Ok but why do I also kinda want pran’s tiktok to be him retelling all the dumb cheesy shit pat says and doing an impression of him. like he doesnt get it on camera so he’s like ‘today me and my boyfriend were playing mario kart and when I beat him he said *pat cheesy voice* it’s ok bc im the fastest at running laps in your heart 🥰🥰’

pat watches them and is like ‘hey i do not sound that pouty’, then pran’s goes ‘you’re doing it rn dumbass’

jemmo

also pat rating everything he does on a pran dimple scale is now canon. he has a notebook that documents all dimple types, and probably a tiktok about it too

thecookiemonster77

okay but then Pran starts doing “my boyfriend vs my impression of him” videos and those RLY take off 😂🥺

jemmo

omg yessssssss. and pat can’t even complain bc they’re ridiculously accurate and adorable and he gets to see pran act like a dumbass it’s a win win really

thecookiemonster77

and when he points this out Pran will destroy him sexually, which makes it an even BIGGER win win

jemmo

Basically no matter what pat will always be winning bc no matter what he does pran’s gonna eat it up

thecookiemonster77

and whatever pran does he'll love

no way to lose!!!

jemmo

also pran definitely posts him singing his songs on tiktok and pat always duets them and sings along badly but thats not gonna stop him from being pran’s number 1 fan

thecookiemonster77

YEAH

i was actually thinking about those tiktoks where people will take like, cat sounds and then compose a song around them

pran would do those sorts of tiktoks and RULE at them

jemmo

omg yessssssss it’s just pran flexing his composition skills

And yes he might be using cat noises but the song is still gonna be about pat, don’t underestimate his obsession

thecookiemonster77

ofc its about pat pran has a theme he needs to stick to

hjfjhdfjhfjhfjhf wait oh my god

pat's little 'aow' sounds

pran makes a compilation of those and then does the trend thingy where he makes a song out of them

"there you go, i wrote a song where the lyrics weren't about my boyfriend"

jemmo

all the comments not having a clue what the noise is but pran being all smug like if I can’t write the song about him the song can just be him

thecookiemonster77

EVERYTHING is about him, and pran cant wait to rub everyone's face in it 😂

[bonus tiktok silly (read tags)]

[[ask me about the fic im not writing]]

[homiesliketovent]

so... ive never told anyone this except for, like, anonymous sites. i could tell my s/o or my friends, but thats hard and im kind of afraid to.

so. lets start at the beginning. i had unlimited access to the internet from a very young age. and, when i was 10, or so, i decided to download discord. i started joining servers and talking to people and stuff, and i was totally obsessed with it. than, one time, this random guy from a anime server i was in added me. he started talking to me about my profile picture, my life, and pretty soon he wanted me to send a picture of myself. (not sexual.) i remember getting so excited bc he was being a little bit flirty and stuff, but i was still weary because he was technically a stranger on the internet. so, i put it off for a few minutes.

he asked me how old i was and i lied and said i was 13. (because, as an 11 year old, i thought 13 was old.) he said that he was 13 too. he pressured me a bit to send a picture of my face but i was as resilient as a i could be. my resilience probably lasted ten minutes.

it was okay because i felt kinda felt comfortable enough to send him a picture of myself, but not enough to send a picture of my full face. so, i dressed up a bit so i could be "flirty" or whatever, and sent a picture of myself with my face covered by my hand. he complimented me a lot, but even when i asked him to send a picture of himself, he never would. that should have been a huge fucking red flag.

at some point, i asked him if we were friends because, up till then, i hadnt had many good experiences with long lasting strong friendships. and he said "of course" and reassured me and i indulged in him that i had issues in the past with fake friends. he told me that he would never leave me and stuff like that, and i was so glad to finally have an actual friend. he was so nice to me and i genuinely had a huge crush on him. i was so ready to start this fucking- internet relationship, or whatever, with him. its gross.

i used to keep a list of everything he told me about himself, because i wanted to know him really well, and i dont have the best memory. when i was cleaning my room a year ago, or so, i found it and tore it up. (i knew his name, he liked video games and talking on discord servers, his favorite food was pizza, his favorite anime was fairy tail.)

he would send me random hentai and porn and i always just kind of laughed it off, even though thats so not normal because we were both (supposedly) 13. i never questioned him in any capacity, really. i trusted him completely. so much so that i sent more pictures of myself. one of them was a mirror selfie so he ended up seeing my body. (again, not sexual.) its just fucking gross that he has access to what i looked like as an 11 year old. i think i even sent him a picture of my face that wasnt blocked out by anything. i dont really remember. through all of this, he still refused to send any picture of himself.

anyways, at some point he got banned or his account got deactivated, or whatever. looking back, i think it's def because someone reported him. but i was so mad at him, because he told me that he would never abandon me, and he did. i sent so many angry messages to his deactivated account. at some point, i deleted our whole chat out of anger. i wish i could still go back and look at it though. as said in the title: i miss him.

later i found out that he was a full grown ass adult from someone in a server he was in. im so fucking angry and upset still. im not traumatized, or anything, i can still be on discord servers and talk to men and stuff, but like... every once in a while i still have a panic attack either because of what was happening to me without me realizing, because he's probably jacked off to pictures of me, or because i irrationally think that a whole ass pedophile didn't even want me, so no one ever will. i still think about him a lot and i still miss him for some god forsaken reason.