#at least there was WiFi at the venue so I could find my friends :)

[kaleighkarma]

For lunch today I have to get my SIM card replaced because it decided to just stop working before the fall out boy concert so that was fun :/

[tangledstarlight]

julie’s ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke’s about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they’ve just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.

days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

trigger warnings!! alcohol and swearing and mentions of blood via food

also on ao3 –– [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | extras 1 & 2 ]

spring

“I still can’t believe you didn’t kiss him,” Flynn’s voice echoes through her phone where it’s propped against a book of Shakespeare’s poems and being stopped from sliding down her desk by her half eaten sandwich. Which hadn't been her best plan, because she was starving and now her sandwich was employed elsewhere.

“I’m not just going to kiss a random guy a met once,” she can see Flynn opening her mouth with a retort so jumps in to add, “I like him, yes, but I’d rather have him as a friend then an awkward one night stand situation that’s made even more awkward when I eventually run into him again because one of his bandmates is Carrie’s cousin.”

It all seems perfectly logical to her. Luke was cute, yes. And sure, she’d wanted to kiss him, but if it came down to one kiss or a new friendship? She was going to choose friendship. They’d connected more in one night then she’d connected with anyone in years. They got each other.

(What Julie hadn’t told Flynn or Carrie or anyone, was about the deal they had made. About how if by December, when she was wrapping up her year in England and they were finishing with their album and they were still talking, still felt the same, they’d try.

Julie didn’t mention it to anyone, barely even liked to think about it herself because she didn’t want to jinx it, didn’t want to spend time wondering what might happen when they tried. What trying even meant.)

“So you’re going to be friends?”

It’s pretty impressive, Julie thinks, how Flynn can convey her utter disbelief and amusement via a single eyebrow raise on a slightly blurry and pixelated facetime call. Maybe it’s the years of friendship that means Julie knows what she’s not saying or maybe it’s just Flynn’s power. Either way it has her pushing her laptop away with a sigh and picking up her phone. Scooping her sandwich up with her other hand. 

“Yes, we’re going to be friends. We can be friends. Do you not think we can be friends?” Julie furrows her brows, both in concern and how many times she’s said the word ‘friends’ in one breath.

“Of course I think you can be friends! He’d be lucky to be your friend, you’re amazing,” Flynn is quick with her reassurance, but Julie can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming and braces herself for impact. “But. The two of you spent practically the whole night together and have spent pretty much every day since talking. Plus, you’d have to be pretty blind to miss the way he was looking at you in the least friend way possible.”

Julie really hoped that the wifi connection was bad enough to hide the blush she could feel heating her cheeks at the reminder of the way Luke had looked at her. She had never really understood what books meant by ‘intensity of their stare’ before, but she was pretty sure it was whatever Luke was doing with his face and his eyes, somehow he could even do it through a facetime call. Personally, she thinks it should be illegal. His whole face. Banned. Fined every time he looked like he looked.

“Yeah, well,” Julie swallowed, tucking hair behind her ear for something to do while she tried to gather her thoughts and control her face. “We’re still going to be friends. And anyway, we’ll probably slowly stop talking before we ever meet again and he’ll find some extremely pretty girl on tour and fall madly in love and forget all about me.”

As long as she was telling herself that it meant she couldn’t be too disappointed when it came true. No point getting her hopes up.

“If you say so,” Flynn didn’t sound convinced and Julie rolled her eyes at her friend, sticking her tongue out childishly, to be rewarded with Flynn laughing.

“Now come on, enough about me and my awful love life. Tell me about this thing you're working on!”

// 

//

“Ow, crap.”

It’s not really the first thing you want to hear when you accept a phone call at 8am. Julie blinks at her phone as she pulls it away from her ear to double check the caller id and that she hadn’t imagined it ringing. But there’s Luke’s name and his slightly blurry photo staring back at her.

“Luke?” She asks, hears the sounds of a scuffle on the other end like someone juggling too many objects at once.

“Julie! Hey! Sorry, just spilt one of my coffees. Is black pudding made with blood?” Luke’s question catches her off guard. Her mind is still trying to process the mention of multiple coffees that it takes her a moment to register what he’s asking her. And it just causes more confusion to her half asleep mind.

“Are you really calling me at 8am to ask about black pudding? Why are you even awake?” She groans, collapsing back against her pillows and pulling the covers back up to her chin. It was Friday, she didn’t have class until 1pm, she was supposed to get to sleep late and he’d woken her up.

To talk about black pudding. Idly, she wondered if it was too early in their friendship to just hang up without it seeming too rude.

“Last night Reg said it was like haggis, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Because I swear haggis is like, sheep. And you’d think blood pudding would be, y’know, blood. Given its name.” He kept talking away, apparently not at all discouraged by her lack of response.

Julie let her eyes fall shut as she listened to him talk, to his voice and not really what he was saying. He had a very nice voice, it was kind of soothing, letting his excitement and enthusiasm wash over her. How could someone be so enthused about a random food at 8am? Julie struggles to follow his train of thought and why she was his chosen person to call about the matter. But she doesn't think he really wants her input anyway. Just an excuse to call her.

She’d been guilty of a similar thing. Calling him for no real reason other than the fact she’d wanted to talk to him. At least when she’d called it had been at a reasonable hour and about something more interesting than a weird food dish.

“How long have you been up?” Julie cuts through his rant on weird British dishes, stifling a yawn against her covers.

“Er…” there’s a pause, phone line crackling as he seems to think, “Like an hour? I went out to get the boys coffee, because I’m super nice like that, but they were still asleep when I got back and I tried to wake ‘em up but Alex threatened to throw my guitar out the window so I wandered around the hotel for a while, drank my coffee, then I drank Alex’s as revenge, and then I got bored of walking around so now I’m sat in a park and talking to you. And drinking Reggie’s coffee. It’s the worst one. I hate oat milk.”

Julie can almost picture him, sitting on a random bench in a random park somewhere in Edinburgh, notebook and tangled headphones and three empty coffee cups next to him, all jittery caffeinated energy. It makes her smile and huff out a small laugh.

“You’re going to be so insufferable after all that coffee. They might kick you out of the band, abandon you somewhere in the highlands,” she teases.

“I’d just keep showing back up. Every time they tried to lose me I’d just show up again at the next venue with no explanation,” there’s a smile in his voice and Julie takes a moment to appreciate that she can tell. That they’ve talked enough now that she knows what he sounds like when he’s smiling, when he’s joking.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Go eat something with your fourth coffee please. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Shit, did I wake you up again? I thought you had a 9am on Thursdays.” He sounds so genuinely confused and concerned that Julie tries really hard not to laugh.

“I do. But it’s actually Friday, not Thursday.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Julie thinks that maybe he’s hung up on her, but then he’s letting out a breathy laugh and she relaxes back against her mattress.

“Well fuck. That explains why they guys are still asleep and got pissed when I tried to wake ‘em up then.”

“Tour life is really messing with your days of the week, huh?”

“You’ve no idea,” There’s another pause and she hears rustling and footsteps and then, “I’ll let you go back to sleep. Talk later?”

There’s a note of hesitation in his voice and it makes Julie want to smile, so she does. “Yeah, talk later. Bye Luke.”

//

Julie spins around and around underneath a streetlight, her eyes locked above her as she watches the streams of light turn with her and make stars dance across her vision. A slight breeze blows her hair around her face and Julie lets out a laugh, light and airy like how she pictures all the bubbles in the drinks she's had tonight. 

She closes her eyes against a wave of dizziness and tries to imagine the stars.

There’s too many clouds in the sky for her to see the actual stars when she opens her eyes and it makes her pout, just a little. She likes to see the stars, to try and find constellations, and when she couldn’t do that, to make up her own.

Her phone makes a chiming sound in her hands and she whips her head down to look at it, Luke’s face filling her screen with a small frown, his eyebrows drawn together and a hair sticking up. A wide smile breaks out across her face and Julie raises her phone so it’s level with her face, even as she still spins around.

“Luke! Why are you on my phone?” Distantly, Julie knows she must be almost shouting, but she’s too happy and too drunk to really care.

“Er, you called me?” Luke sounds confused, but as Julie blows hair out of her face a small understanding smile tugs at Luke’s lips and Julie’s momentarily distracted by watching as the smile spreads across his face, reaching his eyes, one of his hands appearing in frame to push his hair out of his face. She stumbles to a stop, feeling a little dizzy from all her spinning and pounding heart.

“I did?” She doesn’t remember doing that, for a moment Julie frowns, lips pulling to the side as her eyes look at the ground before she blows out a breath and shrugs, looking back at Luke’s face on her phone. “Well, hi! We went out for drinks!"

Julie watches as Luke sits up in his bed, a light flicking on next to him and lighting up the room.

(In the morning, when she remembers this, she’ll probably feel bad about waking him, knowing his sleep schedule is already a mess. But right now, standing in the street halfway back to her dorm, two of her friends chatting a short distance away and a cute guy looking at her from her phone, she can’t really find it in her to feel bad. Just a giddy type of happiness.)

“You having a good night?” His voice is a little rough with sleep she notices, adds a gravely note to it that’s not normally there. Julie really wishes she could hear him talk like this all the time, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night when one of them wakes up, after a nap in the middle of the day.

“The best! It would be more fun if you were here, though,” the words stumble past her lips without her even realising what she’s said. And she doesn’t notice the way Luke’s breath seems to catch through the speaker or the way his eyes widen a fraction or the way his smile turns more into a smirk. Whatever he’s about to respond with is cut off by Julie’s mind returning to her original disappointment of the night.

“You can’t see the stars here.”

Luke frowns a little and Julie tilts her phone so the camera is facing up and only the top of her head and her curls are in frame.

“See? No stars, only streetlights.” She pouts, tilting the phone back towards her with an exaggerated pout on her face that makes Luke laugh and Julie pout more. “Why are you laughing!? That’s mean! I miss the stars and you’re laughing!”

“Jules, it’s not like you can really see the stars all that much back home either,” he says it gently, but there’s still that teasing tone in his voice and hearing him call her ‘Jules’ makes butterflies form in her stomach.

“I still miss them.” She mutters, blowing out a breath and conceding the point. She’s honestly too drunk to even fight it and for a moment she sways slightly in place, her eyes staring just above her phone as she gets lost in her thoughts.

About stars and cute boys with calloused fingers and her friends who made her laugh and her mom who had taught her about constellations and how tired she suddenly feels.

“When we’re both back in LA I’ll take you somewhere you can see all the stars,” Luke says softly, so softly she almost misses it, but her eyes flicker down to the screen and lets a soft smile pull at her lips.

“I’d like that.”

[arabellaflynn]

Hello, all. It has been a rough pandemic.

As you may have figured, since I am in the performing arts, I have been completely out of work since this shitshow began. The earliest venues will open up here in MA is September, which is not helpful for me, because I need to be out of my current place by 8/31. No one will rent to me on my Patreon income, so I've been trying to figure out how to supplement that with other online work.

My first thought, frankly, was camming. I'm attractive and I know that, and I don't care about being naked in "public". I have a lot of opinions on the legitimacy and legalization of sex work, but making a statement would be a convenient bonus; I'd be in it for the tips. As the appliance menagerie on the Flintstones used to say, "Eh. It's a living."

The best camera I currently have is attached to the slightly-less ancient laptop. You know, the one with the broken hinge that won't hold the screen up on the right. Only the wifi on that computer has quit working. The onboard chip was always kind of flaky, but for some reason it has chosen now to deteriorate to the point where it no longer acknowledges a router on the other side of the goddamn wall. Shooting in the living room with an ethernet cable is not an option, because another housemate is already doing that.

I bought a dual-band USB wifi adapter with antenna. It's a Realtek chip -- not gold-plated, but also not total junk. I specifically checked to make sure it worked with Ubuntu Bionic before I ordered. I have now installed three separate sets of drivers in three completely different ways, read everything ever written about this on AskUbuntu, and still the computer refuses to acknowledge its existence. Not even if I blacklist the onboard chip to keep it from falling back into previous bad habits.

The other elderly laptop (with the working wifi) has a cam that tops out at 640 x 480, which I suppose might squeak by as a tiny facecam on Twitch, or for tutoring where no one cares about pixelization. The microphone, however, is crap. It's a tinny omni on the screen bezel that likes room noise more than my voice. I don't have an external microphone, and there's no onboard Bluetooth for my wireless headset. So I bought a USB Bluetooth adapter, which this computer is ignoring as hard as the other one is the wifi dongle. I have a wired headset with a mic, but because this computer is probably mere months too old to know what to do with an inline mic on the same jack as the output signal, it doesn't register at all.

The camera on my phone is potato quality, because that is honestly about how much the phone cost. Ditto the refurb Kindle. Neither is smart enough to keep up with streaming video, which I found out when I tried to do a video rehearsal for something months ago. 

I have no place to do any kind of professional non-entertainment streaming work (e.g., tutoring) with my terrible equipment in any event. I don't own a desk. If a free desk appeared on my doorstep tomorrow, I would have nowhere to put it. My bedroom is small enough to contravene the Geneva Convention requirements for POW cells and I'm basically stuck in here, for reasons of both air conditioning and not having to interact with a house full of people who very much want me gone.

What I do have is a set of working emulators and some free video editing software, so I decided to take a stab at a subtitled Let's Play. I can certainly ramble on for 30 or so hours of Final Fantasy II. At the very least it'll give me something scheduled to do. So I pulled everything out and set it up, only to find that my controller was "pining for the fjords" -- no lights, no acknowledgement from RetroArch, no response to any button presses.

...

...okay, well, at least we're down to a level of equipment I can afford to replace. So I am waiting for the mail carrier to bring me another $10 gamepad, whilst stuck in bureaucratic hell. I'm down to emergency public assistance, which keeps asking me to send them random documents, inconveniently one at a time. Even when I can submit them online I'm required to wait a minimum of 2-3 business days before a human can look at them. I'm trying to not be mad -- they are clearly horribly overworked -- but it also leaves me with a lot of time to do nothing but busy-wait. They've finally decided I'm destitute enough for food stamps, so now I have to sit on my hands until the card arrives in the mail.

The chronic, crushing lack of resources is not helped by (or helping) the fact that I'm just not functioning very well. I was already on the edge of disintegration when the lockdown orders hit anyway; I was taking every piece of work I could find in an effort to scrape together enough for first/last/deposit on a new apartment, and honestly that's more than I can handle. I can consistently get to about 20 hours of "stuff that can't be done while in bed, wearing pajamas" per week, with occasional spikes up to about 30, before I start losing the ability to take care of myself. I skip showers, let my living space become a complete disaster area, and go to bed without dinner because the whole process of choosing something to eat, preparing it, eating it, and cleaning up after myself is so overwhelming that I just burst into tears and don't do it. I fed the rats twice a day and cleaned their cage once or twice a week, but couldn't manage to do the same for myself.

It's difficult to explain to people the state of being physically and mentally exhausted without also being sweaty and shaky from muscle fatigue. Perhaps the single most salient example I can give is lying in bed at night and realizing I kind of vaguely needed to pee. Not like urgently -- just enough that I knew if I didn't, I'd wake up the next day with an uncomfortably full bladder. Then just lying there anyway, not because I thought suffering was noble or I deserved it or anything idiotic like that, but just because taking care of it would involve standing up, walking into another room, and initiating a new task, and I did not have the capacity to do any of those things.

If you suggest I start making a to-do list, I will sit down right now and invent a brand new Blunt Object Transfer Protocol (botp://) expressly for the purpose of punching you, personally, in the face over the goddamn internet. I will even credit you in the patent application. I will not share the licensing profits, which judging from social media right now, would be approximately all of the money on the face of the Earth. I do not need "life hacks". 

What I really need is a case worker, or possibly a babysitter, or just to have shown up at the ER about two months ago, because that is the only way I have ever found to get people to pay attention when I ask for help. Otherwise I get triaged out of sight and out of mind -- they ask if I'm suicidal, I tell them no, they tell me 'okay, here's a prescription for six Xanax and a packet of resources, go home and fix it yourself'. I'm just like, you sons of bitches, do you think I don't know how to Google things? If I could fix this on my own, I wouldn't be talking to you. Except I can't right now, because plague.

Everyone wants to fob me off on someone else. I was referred to an SSDI attorney by a friend, because frankly that's where I'm at right now. I wrote to them, specifically mentioning his name and the associate who helped him, and explained that I was basically a vegetable and I needed help applying for disability. I'm a college-educated suburban white girl, who grew up hearing her parents make rude jokes about welfare queens -- I have no idea how any of this works and I'm so broken I kept losing my place in a blanket whose pattern was literally "knit-purl-knit-purl to end of row; turn work over; repeat". Their response was "Sounds like you need some help applying for SSDI/SSI disability. Here's the website for the Boston Bar Association, good luck!" Crisis lines of both the psychiatric and financial varieties keep directing me to one of two national clearinghouse sites for social support services, both of which direct me to each other, because neither has any programs in my area.

I am trying really, really hard not to resent the ever-loving fuck out of anyone who has any sort of support system right now. One housemate has almost the exact same list of medical problems that I do, and is also completely out of work right now. She is married to the one who has a grown-up salaried WFH IT job, and will never have to worry about having a roof over her head or food in the cabinets. The single housemate has supportive family literally a five minute walk down the street; if she ever gets her feet kicked out from under her, she can stay with them temporarily while she scrambles back up. Another friend yote out to California right before lockdown to stay with his family. A local offered to help me with paperwork, then ghosted me intermittently before explaining that he was having a hard time himself right now and barely had the capacity for his own life. I have an elderly rat, no more savings, and no options.

I don't even know how I'm going to move the little I own. How do you even ask people to do that in the middle of a pandemic? If I don't have the money to move, I definitely don't have the money for a moving company, and I'm envisioning all of my community-minded friends pursing their lips in judgement and declining because like all the good people they are diligently social distancing.

I have also discovered, while hauling an empty suitcase out to Watertown and a full one back home again, that I do not cope well with face masks. It's fine if I'm not doing much, especially if I'm in a climate-controlled space like a store or the T, but as soon as I exert myself at all, I see spots. And no, it is not a matter of "just get used to it"; I have tested this by trying to wear a mask during my home workouts. It is just stuffy enough under there, and there is just enough reduction in air flow, that the world keeps going all film-grainy and dark on the sides, which I know from experience is the first step on a very short path to the Magical Land of Syncope. I had to stop during the outdoor trek and sit on the suitcase about twice a block through the commercial district, where it stayed on because there were people. This was when it was 72 whole degrees out (and the AC is generally on 74°F inside) which doesn't bode well for moving my heavy shit around in late August. 

I'm normally good at catching things at the weird-vision stage, although enough random strangers and T employees have asked me if I'm okay that I have to assume I look as ill as I feel at that point. And I have an absolutely tragic talent for talking people out of calling emergency services when I do actually keel over, but everyone is so health-panicked that I don't think it would work right now. I know what's happened and why, but I can't exactly communicate that to bystanders when I'm unconscious. As nice as EMS is, I don't feel like waking up to a round of Twenty Questions ("How many fingers am I holding up? Who's the President? Do you have a seizure disorder?"). So I just don't go out.

Alison over at Ask A Manager got a question about this the other day that suggests this is considered legitimate can't-(always-)wear-a-mask territory, and I am able to wear a mask where required in MA, which is indoors/during interactions with other people when it's actually useful, so I don't have any qualms on the scientific or legal front. I have just never been a good judge of how much potential peril/damage it's "reasonable" to put up with, and I don't have the capacity to explain myself over and over again a million times a day. 

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of covid, I'm tired of living in a big glitzy continent-spanning banana republic, I'm tired of anxiety, I'm tired of other people carping at me to do things I can't in order to fix their anxiety for them, I'm tired of not having the space to dance, I'm tired of asking for help before things fall apart and being told 'well, come back when it is an emergency', and most of all I'm tired of this cycle where I tell myself "I'm going to stop being lazy! I'm going to put on my big-girl pants and wake up early and work 40 hours a week and support myself like an adult!" and then fail at it again because I just do not have the capacity to do that. I do not know how to make the system understand that I need some kind of support right now. 

Sorry for yet another depressing update, but that's where I am right now.

from Blogger https://ift.tt/2YPv8Xu via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

[harryknowsme]

Themed Weekends Presents...

A reflection from @wevegottogetaway

I remember the day I first listened to Sign of the Times. April 7th, right? Well imagine my distress when I realized I just might have had to wait a few extra days…

Anyway here’s my story. In late August 2016, I left France to go and stay in the USA with a host family for a year. I had been struggling with some personal issues back home and I felt like changing environments and meeting new people would help me move on. It worked for month. My host parents became my spiritual family. I was living life to the fullest, finding my old self back and regaining the little confidence I had once lost. Then things turned sour. My host dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and all of a sudden I was back home (figuratively). Back in swallowing shadows and back in the cage of powerlessness.

Things went on, we did our best.

Then April came around and with it came Spring Break. My host family were cruisers; they loved to take their host students on cruises, and I was to be no exception, regardless of the home situation. It was just the perfect opportunity to breath and enjoy a cancer-free week.

Unfortunately, the day before departure my host father confessed he didn’t feel strong enough for it and didn’t want to ruin it for us if he were to go. He convinced us to go anyway, provided a friend of theirs would come and check up on him once a day.

So cruising we went. The ship was amazing, everything you could ask for, except it didn’t offer free-wifi. My host mother couldn’t really afford much more, since most of their money was spent on surgeries and treatments. I shall also specify that there is no data service in the middle of the Caribbeans… It didn’t help that the ship was halting on an island on the 7th as well, meaning my chances of finding any internet connection whatsoever were getting less likely by the minute. If I may say so, that ship had sailed (no pun intended).

Disheartened but resolute to enjoy the day anyway (you should have seen the sea there), I just kept repeating to myself ‘it’s just a few more days, no biggie’ like some kind of mantra. Later on, as we were exiting the ship and walking towards the beach, my host mother suddenly said that she’d already come to this island in a previous cruise and knew the best place to go: past the Margaritaville where all the tourists go and all the way down the beach to a miniature local bar (it was more like a hut, really). I was happy to go anyplace but then she added something that felt like music to my ears. To her recollection, the place had free wifi!

My excitement shot right back up and obviously the first thing I did when we got there was ask for the wifi password (I must have looked like a media-obsessed teenager but who cares). I actually had a solid chance to listen to what was gonna be 2017’s masterpiece.

We got beach chairs, cocktails and made ourselves comfy. The sea and the sun were ours to bask in, and there was nothing left in my way to the amazing former-boybander rockstar’s debut single. That day was gonna be a good one. The weather was perfect, I was in a paradisiacal location and for once all my worries had vanished from my mind.

Phone is hands, earbuds in, I was quick to pull up Spotify and there it was, written white on black: Sign of the Times. I couldn’t click on it fast enough, I was so elated. Then that piano intro started and the jitters in my belly vanished as well. It was just the music and the feel of a breeze caressing my face. Like everybody, I hadn’t known what to expect but one thing was sure, it absolutely exceeded my general expectation (and it was set pretty high, I mean, come on, it’s Harry).

I’ll admit the connection was dodgy at best so it took me ten minutes to go through the 5’40’’ audio. I couldn’t care less though, I was just so damn glad it was reaching my ears if any at all. I first focused on the music, the instruments, Harry’s beautiful voice (it’s always what I hear first), and I knew right then that the song would become huge. It was written to perfection. The right amount of drums, the right timing for the builds-up, the impeccable harmonization of Harry’s voice with the choir. I found it to be sensible and explosive at the same time. The whole song was mind blowing and yet it easily made its way to your soul as if it was yours already.

Then I rewound and paid close attention to the lyrics. And if I hadn’t crumbled the first time around, that truly signed the end of little old me. I know Sign of the Times is supposed to be the words of mother to her newborn child as she’s about to leave this world (and that in itself is a real heartache for me), but as a person who’s been dealing with depression (and still is, really) it’s like the song took a whole new meaning.

If you’ve ever felt like life is too much and the way to recovery overweighs the very little energy you have left; and if you’ve ever felt like each one of your attempts at getting better are just petty excuses for you not to totally give up, just listen to the words again. Because when the depression is eating away at me, I feel like I’ve got to get away from that dark place. Because I’ve lost count of how many people told me that I don’t talk enough and that I should open up. And because no matter what I do and how hard I try, I always go back to the same hell but that’s probably because I’m stubborn and I want to get it right my way. So I always find myself back to the excruciatingly sad place I’ve been before, with that little voice in my head that isn’t loud enough for me to listen to and that scolds me ‘when will you ever learn?’.

So yeah, maybe Harry kinda wrote a song about depression unintentionally so. At least he did in my book.

Anyway, I could also talk about that time I had to wake up at 4am to buy my ticket to Harry’s concert at the Olympia in Paris. I was still in the US when the tickets were made available and the European time release didn’t really work in my favor. But that day I must have had a little angel looking after me because by some miracle I got the tickets. It was all a hundred times worth it though, as I got to support our dear Harry at one of the most iconic French venues.

Ever since Sign of the Times I’ve been bursting with pride and I just can’t wait for what’s to come. I just know it’s gonna be phenomenal.

Happy Harry Styles weekend, loves!

[slothgiirl]

FOREVER ISN’T FOR EVERYONE (IS FOREVER FOR YOU?) part 2

Lucy and I are up before the sun. I've called a cab and manage to grab a banana from the complementary breakfast. Most of the team's still asleep.

 "Fucking techies," Ben mutters, rubbing at his eyes from behind his sunnies, "get to sleep while I do all the work.” He'd stayed out with the rest of the band all night. Who knows they'd gotten back in. And now we had actual work to do. 

"Just you," Lucy replies archly.

"You two weren't out until three in the morning. At least I got a nice shag out of the whole thing."

"TMI Ben!" It's too early for this. But the whole city is too beautiful too miss. New Zealand. I have too at least make it to the beach once during these few days we have here before heading to Auckland. Maybe even make it to hobbit town. 

"It's true. I hate dealing with the business side. I just signed on to party and travel."  

"Where did you guys even go?”

"A bunch of bars. Got some late night eats." He shrugs, looking way too relaxed in jeans and a t shirt. But maybe I was the one out of place in slacks and a silk cami. I just couldn't get my head around doing business in jeans. "You should've come with us Ellie. We missed you last night."

"I prefer not feeling like shit two days in a row actually."

Lucy snorts, "oh you're perfect. You'll do great out here with us."

There's complimentary coffee and I make sure to pour as much creamer as I can into the cup. Ben and the venue manager talk, go over some last minute papers. He passes them to me and I read them and nod, passing them back. They're the same as I have in my files. 

Ben signs off and then they're joking and bantering and I want to stab my eye out. Lucy's gone to go over the press list and signing off on the state of backstage. It's not a huge venue. Nothing like the O2 back home. But the size does give everyone a better look at the stage, probably without selling a kidney for it. 

We're done, having taken longer than we planned. We have to race back to meet up with band to do press. Fuck. Our taxi gets caught up in traffic. 

"How's there even enough cars for there to be traffic," Lucy complains. She doesn't trust the band to speak without her there to do damage control. 

"Fuck it. We're just meeting them at the radio station. Then we can head to hotel and do the rest of the day's press in there." He sends a text. "Can you send a taxi for them Ellie?"

"Got it." At some point I've got to get lunch. A banana and coffee isn't enough to hold me over. 

We barely make it in time and I run off to get them all breakfast while they do their radio interview for the morning. Without specifics I'm left with a bit of time to wander about and find someplace to eat. 

The air feels fresher. Everything has a rose colored cast from it's newness to me. Even I feel lighter without the weight of being known here. Like I could change and be the person I wanted to away from home. In this new place. 

There's a restaurant a street over and the coziness amid the skyscrapers catch my eye. It's homey and welcoming and it smells amazing. I order a couple of their breakfast specials and lunch sandwiches, taking one for myself as the kitchen preps the rest. 

"Large family," the waitress asks. 

I shake my head, "for work actually. I went to school for years to be a glorified assistant." It's funny. I did. But this job, it felt right, even now. 

"That's what my son keeps telling me." 

The foods great. I sip at some tea and wait to be called back. Content to use to wifi. After we get back to the hotel, where some of the crew are setting up for the press, and with the help of the first interviewers of the day, I'll finally have some free time. 

Go walk about the beach. Oriental bay is supposed to be beautiful. And close by. 

Ben texts me and I met up with them at the curb, carrying a large bag of takeout, "It's good," I promise. 

"You ate without us," Miles accuses, all boyish naughtiness, clad in a wife beater and trackies. 

"Down old boy," Lucy says, slapping his chest. Nick laughs, taking a box eagerly as Ben hails us a cab, of which there are plenty in this part of the city. 

"Do we really have press all day," Jaime groans. 

"Bet you didn't think of that when you wanted more people to hear you play," Ben notes with a mouthful of sandwich. 

Miles shimmies, features twisted in delightful amusement, "fame's half the reason I joined a band. Who doesn't want to be a fmaous rockstar. Sex. Drugs, and rock n roll baby."

"You look more like the fifth Beatle than Mick Jagger," I note as we pile into a cab. His hair's certainly Beatlesque. He's also got the boyish charm down, however rakish. 

"Oi!"

Lucy and Ben shepherd the boys to another interview, with promises of partying and beaches later on our last full day before the concert here. 

I wave them off and head up to our room to change out of slacks. I'd been right, I'd been overdressed. And the heat only made it worse. 

By the time I change into some shorts, I feel to tired to go out and sigh see, figuring tonight I'll actually go out with the rest of the crew. It'd be more fun that way. Instead of alone. 

Instead I head down to the lobby with a bag and book and head out to wander the area at least. There's some fast food, the names I know, Mcdonalds and Domino's, and some obvious tourist traps that I go into. 

My family and roommates will at least want a mug. For the first time, I use my own card to buy some souvenirs, opting for keychains to save space. I wander into some of the regular shops to kill time. 

All the stores nearby have a striking similarity to the ones back home. But the architecture's all different. 

My phone is soon full of pictures of streets and buildings and me wearing a New Zealand hat, before I give in and get Mcdonalds, heading back to the hotel, ready to curl up in the beautiful lobby with the book I've lugged all the way from home. 

The air conditioning is a gift. The couch by the indoor fountain perfect and I try to focus on reading Anna Karenina. It's been nagging me since uni. But I've never managed to get through it. 

So many beautiful quotes out there and I can't ever finish a book. 

I almost drop my book as Lucy startles me, taking a seat next to me. "Want to grab lunch by the beach? I mean dinner really but either way?"

"And the boys?"She rolls her watery eyes, the color of fog bound sky, "up to change before having margaritas by the pool. I think they're going out bar hopping again later if you're up for it."

I shrug, "let's see how we feel after wandering about." It's a long walk, but how else will we get to see everything. 

Lucy makes me take a pictures of her against various backdrops. "Make sure you get that building!" She poses. "Wait, over here!" She fixes her hair, back and out of her eyes, "Wait! I think I closed my eyes in that one."

I laugh, willingly taking photo after photo and waiting for her to check them, swiping and zooming in to make sure she likes how it came out. 

"Thank you so much Ellie!"

"It's really no problem."As we get to the beach we duck into the first place that smells good and has a line. 

"First rule of traveling," Lucy grins. "Follow your nose."

It's not half bad. Fish and chips. The fish claiming to be fresh from the day's catch. A perfect dinner. 

Lucy tells me about her last job. "A smaller band, mostly big in europe. I think breaking out into the world's the hardest part. So many bands flounder in the states and unfortunately it's a huge market setter."

"Did you always want to do this kind of PR?" 

"No. But who could refuse traveling! Especially compared to a desk job."

We each pay for our food and head down to the water. The water too inviting to refuse, both of us wading in. 

"It's warm," we both squeal, use to the icy waters of England. 

"It's probably easier to deal with them though."

Lucy's eyebrows rise as she snorts, "you'd be surprised at how crazy things in the boardroom can get!"

We go in past our knees. Yelping as the waves splash, breaking against us. "My underwears soaked," I admit, blushing fiercely. The wet feeling making me want to go running into the water or for a change of clothes.  

"Didn't you say we were just dipping our feet in?"

We laugh. 

The groupchat goes off and we glance at each other, before heading back out of the water. We read over the texts with the sun setting on the water. "This place is paradise," I tell her. Its warm and by the beach and so green. 

"Oh and we've barely even started. Ben told me you didn't even have a passport?" 

I blush. "Yes. I'd only ever been up as far as Scotland." It had been the first and only time I had met my mother's parents. Her family. And despite how it ended, it was a lovely time in the highlands. 

Lucy laughs, scrolling through the messages. "Ben and the rest are heading out to drink up on Cuba street. 'cept for Miles and Alex. They want to go catch some film at a quaint little theater."

"What movie?" 

"The Red Shoes. There'll be food and drinks there too." We trudge through the sand and peddles and reach the sidewalk. This time we hail a cab. 

"How's Cuba street," I ask. She's travelled before. Probably been here with a different band. A different crew. Older than me, lines around her eyes. 

"I mean it's cool," she offers, "but mostly pubs and-it's very much Camden town than Shoreditch."

"A movie sounds nice after all the walking. Maybe along with a nice glass of wine."

"I'll tell Miles we'll be over then," she says, looking up with a smile. It's great to have her here, to get along with her so easily. I'd been nervous before, never having made friends easily in school. Just my dorm mates and whoever I ended up sitting near in class. 

"And I'll tell the cab where to."

Miles and Alex are waiting for us outside when we pull up. Even illuminated by dim streetlights, it's easy too see how pretty Alex is, his face now sans aviators and with a good night's sleep.  

Large and expressive caramel eyes, a softness to his sharp jaw, and a well formed mouth. It helped that he was a good mood, joking with Miles.

"-and I said fuck that mate and drained the whole thing. Burned to bloody hell and back though!"

"Just can't beat an englishman!"

Lucy rolls her eyes, "boys will be boys."

"Ah my dear sweet Lucy who pelts me with candy as I mouth off! Reminds me of me history teacher," Miles winks exaggeratedly. "This is me mate Alex ," he clasps him on the shoulder, pulling him into his embrace, "Alex. This is Lucy and Ellie who I know you already met but."

"Speaking of which," I note, aware of the sand still stuck to my legs and the drying hem of my shorts, "you owe me a drink."

"Oi! What a woman! Hell El, gotta at least wait until we sit down or you might be what we call the local old dog who spends all his days in the back booths of pubs." His voice is all over the place as he twirls an imaginary mustache and it's a combination of it all and him being him that has us all laughing at his antics.

We order chips and a bottle of wine, "to keep it classy," Miles winks, and take our seats in the tiny theater. 

Alex takes the seat between me and Miles, attention dominated by the other man. All the better for me to sneak glances off and it's stupid but I already feel my heart speed up at the sight of him like I'm a teenager all over again. 

"Any if you seen this movie before," Lucy asks conversationally.

" 've not but then again i'm not the most cultured," Miles does a very bad accent as he continues, "je ne sais quoi."

"The french give us films and Serge Gainsbourg and this is how you pay them back," Alex teases, smacking Miles lightly in the arm. I chuckle at that, watching Miles go all mock affronted and tease Alex right back. 

"Is it anything like that old fairy tale?" I can vaguely recall something about cursed red shoes, but the twelve dancing princesses was the story I asked for night after night to my mums despair. 

Alex nods, with a delighted smile on his lips, "loosely. It's great. I think you'll like a lot."

The lights dim and the screen flickers on. I sit back and watch, glass of wine in hand feeling like I'm finally living that life that doesn't really exist, the moments that come straight of of films like this one.

Alex is right. I do like the film.

Its beautiful and I'm not bored at any point. I can here Miles making quite snide comments and am not surprised. 

"It was good," Lucy remarks after as we head out, "very black swan."

"Wouldn't black swan be like this film since it came out before?" I utter. 

"She's got you there Lucy darling," Miles snipes. "Who's up for some drinks! The rest of the boys are still out and about and I've got a bloody mary calling my name." 

He glances at Alex for a second before erupting into laughter that has Alex smiling as well. Must be an inside joke of there's. 

"Are you two coming," Alex asks, meeting my gaze. 

I shake my head. If I wake up early enough tomorrow I could probably squeeze in a trip to hobbit town and back before I had to run anywhere. 

I tell him as much. "Mums a huge Tolkien nerd, so I kind of have to."

Alex nods in understanding, "I've never cared for Tolkien. 've always preferred science fiction. Going way back to good ol Mary."

It take me a second for it to click. Mary Shelley. As in Frankenstein. "Never read it."

"You should. It's a great little book."

Miles snorts, "just watch the movie with the willy wonka fella!"

Alex rolls his eyes fondly. 

We hail a cab and part ways. 

Lucy boldly proclaiming she intends to get a good nights sleep and still look "banging in my fourties."

"Ya that old Lucy darling," Miles snorts, unable to help himself.

"Don'tcha know never to ask a lady her age Kane," Lucy calls out as the cab pulls away and I'm giggling, carefree. No one here knows me. I feel unabashed, making a scene and taking cabs about town. 

"So that Alex is right fit," Lucy states with a knowing smile as she plays the spice girls loudly in our room, handing me more wine. I blush and think I must've drunk way more than I though I did. He is! And I don't know what to do with that. 

So I shrug and reply, "I guess," to her very unconvinced face. With ease, a down another glass of wine, shamelessly crying out spice girls lyrics. 

I might as well be thirteen again. 

[halethestilinskis]

“You broke my heart!” - Dylan O’Brien Imagine

"I can't do this anymore" The words cut through you like a hot knife, "I'm sorry" he stumbled, "I just need some space from us, I need to clear my head"

You've felt a lot of heart break, a lot of boys have caused gallons of tears to fall from your eyes, but it was never like this, it was never the love of your life ripping your heart out of your chest. 

You crumbled, fell to the floor, dropping the phone was in your hand and curled into the fetal position. You weren't sure how long you laid there, all you knew is that, when you got the call, it was light outside, and now it was dark. It was a numbing feeling. You couldn't feel anything, you felt like you were floating when you walked, you eyes fixated on nothing, your brain just powering your body.

You fell into an easy routine. Wake up, call out of work, and go back to sleep. You weren't sure if you were eating, and when you did eat, if you were getting enough.

This wasn't happening, this wasn't real, this was all a horrible nightmare that you were unable to wake up from, and yet the pain in your chest was so real, the pain you felt when crying yourself to sleep were real, and always made a wet spot on your pillow, and made your eyes 10 times heavier in the morning.

It wasn't like you could get away from him, he wasn't an average boy, his face, his life, his presence was everywhere. All over your house was his scent, his clothes, his tooth brush in the bathroom, his favorite cereal on top of the fridge. Everything was a reminder of what you just lost.

On top of that, Tumblr liked to remind you of what he was doing that day, constantly snapping pictures, and giving the fans an update of how delectable Dylan O'Brien looked today.

He was a known face, everybody drooled over him, wishing they could get a chance with him, and here he was, completely shattering your heart.

"He's not worth it" you lied to yourself out loud, picking yourself up from your bed for the first time in God knows how long and walking to the shower, where you saw his body wash, and lost yourself again.

You were like this for a week before you best friend noticed that something was wrong. At first, she thought you were just busy, maybe you were with Dylan while he was shooting, or maybe you were just busy with work like you usually were.

"(y/n)" she called, unlocking the door with the key you made for her, "Your car is in the driveway, are you home?"

You didn't say anything, you weren't sure if it was because your brain didn't register what was going on fast enough, or if it was because you didn't want anyone to see you like this, best friend or not.

"(y/n)" she called again, peaking open through the door to your room, "hey" she said sweetly, making her way to the edge of the bed, "are you okay?"

Words escaped you, but they weren't clear, which caused her to chuckled a little bit, but it was very obvious something was wrong.

"Hey" she said more seriously, "you're scaring me, is everything okay?"

You shrugged, sitting up for the first time since you crawled back into bed from your defeated shower.

"No" you said clearly, her eye's peaking concern.

"What happened?" she was nervous, her insides were panicking and you knew this, you could feel it radiating off her and prickling your skin, which was the first real thing you've felt all week.

"Dylan" was the one word answer, and you felt the heat in her face burn you.

"What, (y/n), is he okay!?" she panicked.

"He's fine" you huffed out, "I'm not".

"Oh my god, (y/n), I'm so sorry" she instantly understood, without you having to explain it to her.

She wrapped you into a hug without a second thought. You weren't sure how long the hug lasted, but it made you feel like you were in a better place with her here.

"What happened?" she asked, pulling you away from her, and out of your trance.

"I don't know" you shrugged, there was no energy left inside of you, "He called last week, and just, ended it" 

"Last week!?" she snapped, "why the hell didn't you tell me sooner!?"

"I'm so numb, (y/b/f/n)" you cried, finally able to look her in the eyes, "I don't know what to do without him, and I never wanted anyone to see me like this".

"Please, like you haven't seen me worse, and almost light my ex's car on fire" she rolled her eyes.

There was a moment of silence, where all you could hear was each other breathing and you sniffling. You truly didn't know what to say or do, and to be completely honest, you didn't really want her here. As much as you appreciated how much your best friend cared for you and your well being, all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and lose it.

Dylan was the love of your life. Six months into your relationship, you were sure this was going to be the man you married. You used to scroll through Pinterest and David's Bridal looking at wedding gowns and reception design ideas. Never looking at venues, or sharing the ideas with Dylan, but you were so sure, so set on spending the rest of your life with him.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, not sure how long you were lost in your own mind.

"I don't really know" you shrugged, not giving a convincing answer, she gave you a cross look, "what?" 

"What were you thinking about, seriously?" she asked again.

You shrugged again, not wanting to be judged for how hard you fell, and how much you were hurting, "I loved him, (y/b/f/n), like really loved him" you couldn't look at her, instead, you played with a lose string on your comforter, "I thought I was going to marry him. I thought that he was going to invite me to Italy with him, when he did this movie, and we could travel and find this beautiful spot where he could propose to me".

You could tell she didn't know what to say after the silence that followed, "I even bought a ticket to surprise him" you said, tears spilling out.

"You should go" she said we confidence, "No" she interrupted before words could come out of your mouth,  "you spent the money already, just go to Italy, and find yourself, or even run into him, see if you can work things out, I don't know, this wound isn't going to heal with you crying in your room. Go outside, go for a car ride, get some fresh air, and then pack and get on that plane, you need this".

She was finally able to look you in the eye, and it clicked in your mind. You did need this, you did need to get over, or get back together with Dylan, either one was worth a shot. You already took the days off of work, and the hotels were already books, it would be stupid to throw away this money, and your friends were all either too broke, or in class to come with you.

A few weeks passed, and you were feeling better about the situation. You couldn't admit to yourself that you were over him, but you felt the need to curl up and cry a lot less, only when things strongly reminded you of him.

People have been posting pictures of the movie being filmed, and at this point, you knew exactly where he would be when you got off the plane tomorrow afternoon.

The plane ride sucked, you thought you booked a window seat, but at the last second, the airline changed it to a middle seat, in the middle row of the plane, making it hard to do anything, including eat the complimentary dinner they gave you.

I wish Dylan was here you thought, at least you would have First Class if he bought the ticket, your mind couldn't slip away from that wish though, ruining your chance of sleeping greatly.

Six hours later, and you were finally at your layover in Amsterdam, calling your mom and best friends and letting them know you were okay.

Another hour and a half, and you were there. Your hotel was a half a mile away from the airport and you had no Euro's, so you decided to walk, the entire movie of Taken running through your mind.

Right beside your hotel was a crowd of people, you weren't really sure what Italian customs were, or if there was a beautiful landmark that all the tourists were attracted to, but you decided to check it out before you checked into your hotel, heavy suitcase and all.

And there he was, Dylan O'Brien, in the flesh, wearing the black t shirt and jeans, with black shoes, all battered looking, lip split, and wow, long hair. You stared at him longer than you cared to admit, even though every second you looked at him, the hole in your heart tore bigger, the more your stomach dropped, the more you wanted him, you couldn't look away. Seeing him laugh along with Michael Keaton, hit you so hard in the gut, you almost fell to the ground, you suitcase handle catching you, but at the end, you felt his laugh make you smile, just like he did with everyone around him.

You know in the movies, where the character sees their love interest while they're not looking, and then in slow motion, the love interest turns and locks eyes with the main character? That's exactly what happened. You watched his face drop, and felt your heart quicken, and the adrenaline pump as you saw him turn to your direction.

You quickly turned around, running across the street and into the hotel to check in. Fans started screaming, which let you know Dylan was close to gate, then metal clanging, which you assumed was Dylan jumping it.

Quickly, you checked in, thankfully there was no line and you were able to give them your name, ID, and credit card without Dylan busting in here and making a scene, even though his body guards probably picked him up and gave him a slap on the wrist for jumping the gate.

As soon as you got to your room and connected to hotel wifi, you saw you had a three missed calls and five texts all from Dylan, all asking where you were, and as you were about to text back, another call came in. This was it, you didn't want it as soon as you got off a plane and walked a half a mile, but this was it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, (y/n)" he sounded a little out of breathe, maybe nerves?

"Hey" you said simply, suddenly regretting coming to this country.

"Am I seeing things or did I just see you here" definitely nervous.

You cleared your throat, feeling your stomach quiver, "uh, yeah, I'm here"

There was a silence you weren't sure what to make of. He gave a deep sigh, which you could only assume he was either rubbing his face, or took his phone away from his face and looked at the sky.

"Why?" he said suddenly, you weren't able to tell if it was annoyed or sincere.

You took another deep breathe, regretting everything, thinking of things to say when you cuss out (y/b/f/n).

"It's a kind of a long story" you said after a nervous gulp, and after a couple seconds of silence, you realize he wasn’t going to leave it like that.

You sighed, "I already bought a ticket to surprise you before- well- you dumped me- and I didn't want to waste like 3 grand, so I decided to come, and I'm sorry, I didn't know it would be so close to your shoot, I'm not going to come bother you" you rambled.

He listened with a dumb smirk as you talked and defended yourself, although you didn't have to.

"Come by" you could hear the smirk.

"What?" you scoffed out at the end of the rant.

"Come by" he repeated, "I've missed you".

"Dyl" you sighed, not sure if it was a good idea, although you thought it was on the flight here.

"Or I can go there, but it's going to be a few more hours, I thought I'd show you what the set looks like"

You didn't know what to say, you wanted to see him, your heart ached for him, but you weren't sure how all this was going to turn out.

You sighed again, giving into it all, "Where can I meet you?" 

The smile appeared again, "Just go to the gate, I'll get you over it".

"Okay, I'll see you soon, keep a look out" you agreed.

You hung up the phone and sat on the bed, letting a tear slip out before you dolled yourself up. This was a lot harder than expected, being away from him, not texting or hearing his voice, numbed you. There were days where you thought of him, and cried over him, but the heartbreak wasn't nearly as bad as it was the day you got the call.

An hour later, you were able to send him a text saying you were on your way. It would've been sooner, but you got caught up looking at the set from your window, looking at Dylan really.

"Excuse me" you said politely before it hit you that these were all Italians, and just ended up pushing through them, and waiting for Dylan to catch your eye, which only took 3 seconds.

"Hey" he grinned, calling over one of the guards and having him help you over the fence while fans screamed and cussed at you in Italian.

"Hi" you said back, unable to meet his stare.

"So" he cleared his throat, and maneuvered you forward with a hand on your waist, burning your skin through your clothes, "this is the set, Keaton just left so I can't introduce you, but I have to shoot a couple scenes in a few minutes if you want to stay for that, or you can walk around, up to you"

You smiled at him, when he wasn't looking, of course, "I think I'll stick around and watch".

"Great" he said, leaning down and giving you a kiss on the cheek, "I'll see you in a little bit".

He ran off before he realized what he did, and all you could do was touch your cheek and smile, your face burning hot, you turned to look at him as he was running toward a trailer, just in time for him to around and yell a sorry, effectively making you feel terrible and immense happiness at the same time. 

You weren't sure what to do without him here, you didn't know anyone here, and you didn't want to accidentally walk into a place that you were unwelcome in, or where Dylan couldn't find you. A small walk away, under the tent you saw Dylan under earlier, was his chair. No one was around, you did a full 360 turn before taking a seat and looking through social media on your phone.

A few moments later, you heard "READY?" followed by "ACTION" and you watched Dylan shoot that same scene so many times, you could probably do it, and say every line with ease, run a little bit and fall onto a mat while pretending to shoot a gun, you just wouldn't look as graceful and well, sexy, while you did it.

Hours passed, even though it didn't feel like it, watching Dylan shoot his scenes was much more entertaining than you thought. 

"How'd I do?" Dylan asked, jogging up to you with sweat beading up on his face.

"I actually had a lot of fun watching" you smirked at him.

"I messed up that much huh?" he winked with a grin, before you playfully hit him with a smile.

"You did great" you affirmed, getting up from the chair, "Are you done for the day, or what?"

"Yeah, I’m done, I was just going to run and take a shower and then I can meet you in the hotel" he said, pointing across the street.

"Why don't you just shower in the room, I'm sure it has better pressure and hotter water" you offered, your face burning at the invitation.

He paused, "uh yeah, I mean, it won't be awkward right?"

"No, not at all" you pushed the idea away, although it the back of your mind you knew it would and could be.

There was an awkward silence walking all the way to his trailer to get some clothes and then walking to the hotel. Guards were every where making sure he was safe and even stood outside your hallway to make sure no fans were coming up and knocking on the door, even though a guard standing by it made it pretty obvious which room you were in.

When you got in the room, you showed Dylan where the bathroom was, even though it's in the same place as every other hotel in the world, and then sat on the bed, turning on the TV, and again realizing, you can't speak Italian, so you went your laptop to watch some Netflix.

"How do you feel?" you asked Dylan as he was towel drying his hair, walking out of the bathroom, like a God. At least he had a shirt on.

"Good" he smiled, "What are you watching?"

"Guess" you smirked.

"Hm, could be a couple of things" he smiled, thinking about the usual shows you binge, "could be FRIENDS, Supernatural, or Gilmore Girls".

You grinned at the pause screen of Rachel telling Ross they need a break, "first one".

"Knew it" he smirked, his Stiles coming out, sitting on the bed next to you, throwing the towel to the chair.

You played out the rest of the episode, and the one after that before you grew the confidence to tell Dylan you guys needed to have a talk.

"So" you shifted awkwardly, "I guess this is when we have that talk".

You were looking at him through your lashes, unable to look him in the eye, you were uncomfortable, and he knew it, not saying a word until you looked up at him, he always hated when you hid from what you were feeling.

"Yeah" he shifted a little to face you, "I guess so".

There was a moment of silence, you weren't sure if you were supposed to start to apology, even though you had nothing to apologize for, or if he was thinking about what he wanted to say, either way, something had to be said in the next few seconds or you were going to implode. The tension was so thick, you felt as though it was strangling you, making you unable to speak although you so badly wanted to.

"I'm sorry" he said, looking at the bed, this time, he was unable to meet your gaze.

"What?" you choked out, not expecting him to actually apologize.

"Being here" he paused, "being away from you- it's stressful- and we've been dealing with it for so long, just being able to see you for a few weeks before I start another project in a different place that you can't come. All of my agents telling me to tell you to lay low, that you can't come with me to shoots, and we can't be seen together, it's a lot of pressure, and I just felt like I was drowning, I couldn't do it".

He rambled on more, but you stopped listening after that sentence, because the rest wasn't as important as those words.

"I get it" you stopped him.

"You don't" he shook his head, "I've missed you so much, we've missed so much as a couple, I'm not even sure we ever were a couple, just people who dumbly fell in love and fucked around a lot".

"Dylan" you rolled your eyes, "Look, I don't GET it because I've never been through your pressure, but I understand" you looked at him, letting him know you were being sincere, "you never told me about your agents, you never told me anything at the end, I was beginning to think I did something wrong and you were punishing me"

He smirked, but it was definitely a sad one, "I'm sorry" he said again.

"It's alright, I just- I don't know how to fix this- or us, or" you paused, realizing you could be reading the wrong impression, "if you even want to work this out".

"(y/n)" he sighed, and that's all you needed to hear.

"I get it" you admitted, feeling defeated and like a complete idiot for actually coming on this trip. The tears were starting to sting, the wound peeled back and fresh again. He couldn't see you like this.

"You're not even going to let me talk before you start tearing up?" he was smirking, this was a joke to him.

"You don't have to" you sniffed, "I get it, you don't have to explain yourself.

"What are you talking about, (y/n)" he scrunched his face in confusion. You looked up to see his face, not seeing a sad little Dylan anymore, but seeing an annoyed one for you not letting him talk, "I was GOING to say, yeah, I do want to make it work".

"What?" you breathed out, a tear falling.

"Stop saying that" he rolled his eyes, wiping the tear that fell, "I love you, more than anything in the world, the pressure was just so much, and I made a stupid decision, and I'm sorry that you've been hurting and dealing with it for the past month- and before you say you've been fine, I've talked to (y/b/f/n)- I know you've been in your room and called out of work for like a week straight".

"What did you expect?" your eyes bore through his, "for everything to move on as normal, you shattered me, Dylan, you broke my heart. I thought we were going to get married, buy a house, have some kids and grow old together, while we watch our grandkids, and then I wake up at 3 AM to a call from you that you can't do this anymore".

"Do you think I wasn't hurting too!?" he took offense, "Do you think I didn't let some tears fall in my trailer, and have to go back to make up to make it all go away, because there were a lot of those days for me too" he stood up.

"I didn't know what to think!" you scolded, "You left me, you did the equivalent of packing a suitcase and fucking leaving in the middle of the night!"

"I didn't know it would hurt you that much, I thought I was only hurting myself" he said reluctantly.

"You don't think I love you as much, if not more, than you love me- you thought I just had a list of side fuckboys I could run off to and forget about everything we had, every picture, every memory I have burned into my brain!?"

"That's not what I meant" he shook his head.

You started ranting some more, looking at him sink lower until he was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, he really didn't think it was going to be this bad.

"What if I didn't come here?" you asked suddenly, "Would you have came back to me, texted or called me at all to get back together or to see if I was alright?"

"I didn't think you'd want to hear from me, so I left you alone, and texted (y/b/f/n) to check up on you" he forced.

"And getting back together? Would that happen if I wasn't here right now?" you reiterated.

"I don't know" he said honestly, "You're here now, and that's all that matters, right?" 

You thought for a minute before replying. No matter how much Dylan hurt you, made you cry, or call in sick to work, you loved this idiot, and this fight was going no where.

"Yeah" you breathed out, "I'm sorry".

"Don't ever be sorry" he said sincerely, grabbing your hand, and pulling you in for a hug, "I've missed you" he said into your hair, kissing your head while you breathed in his scent, "Every second of every day I've thought about you, and this, just being here with you, experiencing Italy with you before and after shoots" he gave a small chuckle, tightening his grip.

"You're all I ever wanted, Dyl" you spoke into his chest.

More silence came after that, but it was comfortable silence, just hugging and rocking with him. Finally you pulled back and looked at him, his brown eyes boring into yours, before you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against his, only for him to pull you in for a real kiss, where you felt as light as air, like you were flying.

When you disconnected, it took a few seconds for you brain to work again, and a few more seconds for you to pull him in again and stand there for a little while longer, just enjoying his presence in your arms.

"One more thing" you mentioned, pulling back just enough to look at him. He cocked his eyebrow, wondering what else you were about to bring up after just making up.

"This hair" you looked at him, grabbing a piece of his hair that was almost to his shoulders, "has to go".

He chuckled, and you joined in, "trust me, I can't wait to cut this shit off and trim this" he ran his hands through the beard.

"How many more weeks?" you wondered out loud.

"Three" he paused, "Three long ass weeks and then I'm free to come home and cut all this shit off".

"I might just stay until then" you winked, knowing you'll probably get fired.

"I wouldn't mind" he smirked, leaning down to pepper you in kisses again, at least this time, you were heading to the bed.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #477

“hell doesn’t want them  /  hell doesn’t need them  /  hell doesn’t love them”

Which breed of dog do you find most scary? I'm not scared of them personally, but the sheer potential of the Tibetan mastiff is terrifying. I mean the thing hunts bears. What’s the secret to your success? What success? Do you keep any photos in your wallet? Yes, of some of my nieces and nephews. I need to organize my wallet and get all of them... Would you ever wear a white tuxedo? Eek, I think white wouldn't look good on me. I'd wear a black one, though. Do you prefer brown or white bread? Brown/wheat. Have you ever spent an entire day in bed? Ohhhh yes. I did that for years, literally until yesterday. I used to do everything in my bed. Now I've finally moved into the spare room when I'm on my laptop. Don’t you just find it annoying when people get too much plastic surgery? No? Do what you want with your body, boo. Whose birthday is next, out of all the people you know? My boyfriend's. Do you have embarrassing parents? Dad can be embarrassing. What’s something that really matters to you? My mental health. Tell me something interesting about one of your close relatives: Uhhh. I'm blanking. I'm not really close to my extended family. Do you like the smell of freshly-mown grass? NO NO NO I HATE IT. If given the opportunity, would you employ a monkey-servant? Absofuckinglutely not. That's horrible animal abuse. Do you get a lot of earwax (don’t be shy)? Yes. It's partially why I got wax adhered to my eardrums: I was pushing too much back with using q-tips too much. Do you find green eyes attractive? Very. Who depends on you the most? My pets. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? My mother comes to mind absolutely instantly, given she only has one kidney. Can you really be racist to a white person? It's possible to be racist towards any race... I've never understood this question. What was the first website you made an account on? I want to say Neopets. Do you listen to any podcasts? No. I'd love to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's, I'm just so bad with keeping up with podcasts. I've tried. Do you prefer long or short surveys? Long ones, if you couldn't tell. I combine surveys for a reason: I'd be spamming the FUCK out this place otherwise. Do you enjoy making YouTube videos or just watching? Watching. I miss making them honestly, but I just don't have the motivation to dedicate to even a short project. When I edited videos, I was VERY slow at it, and I just don't wanna invest the time anymore. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I would be MORTIIFED. I don't know how some people can do it so confidently. Would you want to be in a collab channel on YouTube? I could see myself having a gaming channel where I was either with a friend or s/o. It'd be fun, like chilling on the couch and just chatting while playing. Not trying to be funny or anything, just... chillin'. Some people (myself included) enjoy that content. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? I haven't, but it'd be cool. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. Do you prefer hoodies or sweaters more during the autumn? Hoodies. What's the best Halloween costume you had as a kid? I don't remember. Does family come to your home for the holidays, or do you go to theirs? We go to my older sister's place. Have you been diagnosed with CoVid-19 since the pandemic began? Not yet, but I'm getting tested Friday. How often do your pets have to visit the vet? Venus, essentially never unless she has a serious issue. Reptile doctors aren't very available here. Roman has only been to the vet once to get neutered. And I think his shots? How many times have you been in the hospital in your lifetime thus far? A good number of times. Cheese-Itz. Cheese Balls, Goldfish, or Cheetos? Ohhh, I think I have to go with Goldfish, but I like them all, save or Cheese Balls. Have you ever made your own trail mix before? What did you put in it? No. What is your favorite thing to eat alongside peanut butter? Chocolate. Do your pets sleep on the furniture or in their own pet beds? Venus is obviously in her terrarium, usually sleeping behind her water bowl. Roman always sleeps in my bed snuggling me. :') If you have dogs, how often do you take them for walks? We don't have a dog. Does anything on your body cause you chronic pain? Any chronic illnesses? Yes, my legs. I have chronic mental illnesses for sure. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just rolls, ha ha. I'm not a fan of Thanksgiving food in general. Would you prefer cake or pie as a birthday treat? Cake; I don't like pie. What is something annoying about the person you like/love? Nothing he does really annoys me. What is something that makes you feel old? My knees and energy level in general, ha ha. And how early I can go to sleep nowadays. When's the last time you experienced a panic attack? Over what? Hm... I don't like to abuse the term panic attack, so I'm not entirely sure. I'm definitely familiar with them, but shit's gotta be pretty extreme for me to consider it a genuine panic attack and not an anxiety attack. Which professions do you feel deserve the highest amount of pay? Probably surgeons. Do you donate to a specific charity or cause on an annual basis? No, but I desperately wish I could. :/ What's the highest amount of money you received in a card? I want to say $300? My paternal grandpa was way, WAY too generous. Like seriously, I think the dude met my sisters and me ONCE. I really do wish I'd taken up Dad's offers to go to Michigan with him before he passed away. I only turned it down because he didn't have WiFi, which is a horrible, selfish excuse. I wanted to know him better. Did you get any scholarships or grants towards your education? I think? Have you ever wondered what your pets are saying to you? Roman? ALL the time, especially because when I talk to him, he usually answers in his own kind of meow. It's adorable. Have you ever had to turn someone in before? For what? No. Describe a time where one of your parents embarrassed you. Oh my goddddd. When Dad was helping me take care of my laptop when it was broken, he was consistently SO rude to the employees, convinced they were trying to scam him into paying more money. Which they certainly weren't. I wanted to DIE when we were in that store. Do you prefer grapes, raisins, or prunes? Grapes. The other two are gross. Have you ever had a party when your parents weren't home? No. What is something that irks you about your sibling(s)? Nothing. They're wonderful women. If you get married, will you take your spouse's last name? Yes, please get rid of my last name. Do you still eat Lunchables as an adult? Hell yeah, man. What's your favorite comfort food? Ice cream. If you had to work in a store, which would you choose, and why? An actually good pet store. Not a chain one that gets their pets from breeding farms and doesn't know jack shit about the animals. You won't ever see me adopt a pet, especially a reptile, from places like PetSmart and Petco. They are so goddamn ignorant. Hell, I'd probably be willing to work with people if I was an employee in a proper pet store, because I'd be so excited about the animals and helping them get adopted into homes that will suit and treat them well. If you were a teacher, which subject would you teach? English or science. Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Hell no, I HATE summer. Do you have a desk in your room? Not my bedroom, no, but in the spare room/my "office," I do. I've finally moved into there to get out of my bed except for sleeping. I'll tell you, my back sure hurts, though. What did your favorite backpack in high school look like? Yo, I had the COOLEST Ouija board backpack. The zipper was even a planchette. Do you wear band tees? Of course. Frosting: chocolate or vanilla? Chocolateeeee. Ice cream: chocolate or vanilla? Depends on my mood. Do you drink protein shakes? No, I can't stand the taste. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Nothing unrealistically expensive. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Man, I can't pick! My sisters and I had a whole lot. Do you have a PayPal account? No. Would you be interested in building a water feature for a garden? If *I* wasn't the one building it, sure, ha ha. A koi pond would be amazing. Do you consider the letter "Y" a consonant or a vowel? I see it as a consonant, but I know it can be a vowel. Pick a side, Y. Would you rather wear a tie or a bowtie? Hm, idk. Which birds are most common around your neighbourhood? Sparrows or robins? Idk. Are you the kind of person to look at accident sites, when passing them by? Admittedly, yes. Morbid curiosity is real. Have you ever seen a polydactyl cat? Only online. Are there any languages you could try to work out what some words mean? A good deal of German, probably. What is your dearest stuffed animal that you own? Why is that? My stuffed moose Brownie, which I got from Cabela's in Ohio. I cuddled him every night as a kid for MANY years. He's on my shelf now. <3 Have you ever had to try to pronounce words that have letters with umlauts? That's common in German, so. Are you more an Eeyore, a Piglet, or a Tigger? I'm Eeyore and Piglet's child. Name something awesome from another culture that is not part of yours: I'm not educated enough on other cultures to answer this, sadly. What are you grateful for NOT having? Various health conditions. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Man-o-wars. I mean c'mon, they have no brain. Do you currently own any teddy bears? Yeah, stored away. Have you ever caught fireflies? All the time as a little kid! My sisters and I loved that. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Not legally (to my knowledge), but I have a number of trans friends who have. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? No. At least, I don't think so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? Holy fuck no. What was the last necklace you wore? It was my bottlecap one with the Halo of the Sun from Silent Hill 3 as the center. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Can it only be physical items? If that's the case, gimme a bit of candy, some money for a tattoo, a Mountain Dew, a new meerkat plushie to cuddle, a weighted blanket... Stuff like that.

[sierrabinondo]

summer tour 2018 - days 1 - 4

welp tumblr i am back again with a new tour recap!!! people liked this last time so here i am i guess

this tour recap is mostly for my own reasons. there’s something different about documenting something life-changing and important to yourself on a social media site you’ll probably be subject to visiting again without trying, as opposed to writing it by hand which hurts after a while or in a word document that you’ll never open.

my band with sails ahead just embarked on our longest tour ever. 11 shows, no off days. we somehow still got sleep, ate well (and went broke for it), and didn’t get sick. it wasn’t perfect every night, but it was still rewarding even in the smallest possible ways. 

i decided to recap this across several posts as an easier way to read everything instead of one long one that would serve as a painful, arduous read. so here are days 1-4.

day 1 - asbury

our tour kicked off in asbury, so we were home for our first day. it was sort of difficult to get in the mindset for tour but once destination dimension arrived i was good.  

in asbury i always passed this storage trailer-looking building with palm trees all around it. it turns out it’s called outpost city, and it’s an oasis for touring musicians to come hang out while on the road. it’s invite-only (i think?? PLEASE check me), and we were contacted a week before tour started to go check it out. i already promised work i was going to work a full day my last day but hooooly we could not turn this down. this place had a lounge area, a small demo studio, free wifi, and a general store with product placed in there by brands that you could grab FOR FREE. as long as we tagged the brands on all of our social media the stuff was ours. we spent a few hours there before the brewery show and it was really fun. i had to do work the whole time as a result of leaving work early haha, but i still enjoyed it a lot.

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

the brewery show was awesome. i didn’t play the greatest set so i was super bummed haha, at least i don’t think, but we had a great turnout. the line-up was awesome and we got to see a lot of friends.  sound was amazing and as always the brewery is just the coolest venue.  really grateful we could finally play here. i was so glad people showed up early to see destination dimension so that they at least had a crowd. a lot of my friends cared about making it in time for them which was nice of them. it was incredibly weird to have ryan watch us while another drummer was playing with us, we all felt so bad. we were so distraught leading up to this tour about him not joining us due to his carpal tunnel, but we had no choice. our friend and fill-in drummer matt shindle killed it and the show made us excited for the rest of the run. i think i said a cool and inspiring thing that made everyone yell very excitedly but then i followed it up with some lame shit so it ruined the moment lmao. 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

i returned back to my house in brick with destination dimension and jeremiah came with so that we had one more night together before i left. i was feeling a little better about leaving but i wouldn’t actually be excited until we were finally in the van. 

day 2 - falls church, va

after waking up mad early on like 5 hours of sleep only, i got ready to leave as julie was dropped off at my house to drive up to bandago together. i cried as jeremiah said goodbye to me because i’m a big dumb baby and never ever spend time apart from him haha.

the drive to virginia took forever. i was so exhausted but for some reason it was impossible to sleep in the van. and then i led us to the wrong holiday inn; our actual hotel was so far that we just had to check in late and go straight to the show. the vfw was actually a pretty cool spot. it was nice to be in falls church again; the last time i was there was when i was a kid and my aunt and uncle lived in an apartment way before they had my cousins. 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography - us with pulses, destination dimension and a couple members of timberbrooke!

turnout wasn’t huge at all (a pattern that would repeat itself lmao) but all of the bands were super nice. of course, we were extremely stoked to play with pulses. i felt bad because i kept screwing up faces, names and bands at first but it ended up being fine.  our friends said i played more confidently this show than the night before but it didn't feel like that. i felt like i sounded like shit and i looked like an idiot lmao. on stage, there’s actually a million things going through my head while i'm singing. i almost wanted to throw the microphone at one point but can’t do that!!! i also apparently sounded better but i still have issues believing people when they say i sang well, because people lie to other musicians all the time and tell them they're great just to be polite. i warm up before every show and do diaphragm exercises but if my throat fucking feels like shit from my allergies and tight and dry there's nothing i can do. the humidifier doesn't help. there's not a day where i don't practice. i wish my body wasn't so unforgiving haha.

well the korean BBQ spot next door was cool lmao and there was a dog at the show. our hotel room was nice but the furniture was so oddly arranged. it was difficult to make room for the air mattresses but we made it work. i shouldn’t talk though because hotel rooms on tour are a luxury haha.

day 3 - greensboro, nc

the drive to greensboro was just a little stressful because of the torrential downpour, and a car accident happened right in front of us at one point lmao. but mostly, the drive was so serene and beautiful. we drove through the blue ridge mountains and listened to the new anthony green album. this is what i love about touring, getting to see these beautiful sights. i think i almost cried hahaha.

we arrived to greensboro and the block we were on for the gig had some sick spots. we got vegetarian food at this place called boba house. the food was incredible. and then the venue, new york pizza, had $3 craft beer!!! insane. i didn't drink the last tour and i said i wouldn't this time but i remembered we were going to be in a position to try some region-specific foods and beers, so i let myself have a sunshine gose from birdsong brewery after our set. it was soooo good. yeah funny thing was, i actually drank A LOT this tour. last tour i was super sheepish about it, but this time i was going to be in too many new places to not try local beers. it didn’t affect me as much as i thought it would but i believe it still did to *some*extent. i also couldn't resist the touch tunes juke box and helped myself to playing santana again like the last tour hahaha.

the turnout was decent but everyone the headlining band brought (and the band themselves) stood outside for every band. at one point joe went outside as we were about to go on and yelled at everyone saying “hey guys we drove a long way to play the show come inside” i was mortified lmao. sadly, you cannot make people care about you, they have to show interest on their own. BUT, obviously he was saying what we were all thinking. listening to a band play from outside the venue does not always mean you are paying attention to the bands. they didn't even come inside for one single song for any band. if you can’t make the people you bring stay for the bands, fine, but why play the show at all if you don’t care about the touring bands? 

Photo: Julie Yi Photography

chris, the vocalist of destination dimension, was a huge huge help to me on tour. he gave me really great honest criticism and it helped me work on some bad habits i have while performing. i know i’m a big baby and all but i can take critique and i wish more of my musician friends were more honest with me. it shows they care because they don’t let me blindly wander around just repeating the same awful habits. for the first time i also wore both earplugs in while singing but it only lasted two songs. i know it’s foolish to not wear them, but i cannot stand how i sound with earplugs in, it fucks me up just as bad. i used to use earasers but i was sick of pissing away $40 everytime i lost them. and i'm not capable of not misplacing something, i know i'll lose them again. i wasn’t too happy with my performance this show either but the people watching us were cool and attentive. wes was so kind to hook the show up for us, and we loved the dudes in impersona. really fantastic band.

later that night shindle realized he left his laptop charger at the venue. we were using his laptop for interludes and his click tracks. it was too late to go back so we decided we’d go back in the morning before leaving to go back to charleston. but sadly the venue didn’t have it and we absolutely had to move on to the next city. i felt so bad. however we were able to make our tracks still work on my personal laptop that i brought. 

day 4 - charleston, sc

charleston was a little rough lmao, but still fun. as always we arrived just in time to check in to our hotel, get food and pull up to the venue for load in. we stayed at a holiday inn, and we were hoping since it was a hotel that the room would be nice and big but it wasn't. the beds were huge though. after checking in we noted that a counter service-type grits restaurant was across the parking lot. i was going to try to only buy one meal per show day but it looked like the next day i'd be buying grits for breakfast haha.

it was an insanely hot day. in fact, the hottest day on tour. it was bad. it was at least 90 degrees or more out especially with the humidity but whatever, we were heading to the venue soon so we would hopefully find relief there. something i was ABSOLUTELY adamant about was that we ate cookout. for anyone who doesn't know, cookout is a chain based in the south that serves southern food and super cheap, filling meals. you can get a “tray” which is like one main meat or dish, two sides and a drink for $5.29. the tour package met there to eat before load in. stopping made us late, but there was no way in hell we weren't going and i was making sure of that lmao. and it was worth being a lil late i think, i think everyone liked it. santino bought twice the amount of the tray he ordered hahaha.

so we finally get to the venue, which is tua lingua - and

there's no

air

conditioning

we had zero idea this place had no central air. i had no idea the place didn't have it!!! but otherwise the venue was a very sick spot. like out of the blue in cambridge (rip), but much much bigger. they had numerous amazing art pieces, a dark room and an interactive bubble exhibit. the staff was very nice. we did our best to play the best set we could with the heat. at certain points it was even cooler outside the building because the hot air just wasn’t moving out. we almost cut our set short out of fear of not being able to handle the heat but we made it through. we also had to play without our tracks but that was fine. a couple people named jesse and fianna came to the show because they heard about it from the hemisphere facebook group!! so awesome. zacoma also made us a custom copy of their CD based off our tour marketing it was so fucking sweet of them!! i don’t have the photo of it otherwise i would have shared it but when i get it i’ll post it. them and hollow notes made the show a great one, i highly recommend both bands. i bet tua lingua is sooo sick to play in cooler weather just not in the summer haha.

photo credit: julie yi photography LOOK AT HOW SWEATY I AM. 

because the show ended massively early (THE DREAM), i suggested going to the charleston waterfront since we had time to explore! santino was wary because the poor guy was starving, but he agreed to spending 30 minutes of walking around. so the tour package drove out to the waterfront/rainbow row and we walked around for a while. it was sooooo beautiful out, i was so happy to see the town again. a guy jumped in the pineapple fountain as we were dipping our feet in to dig for change and he was in there for an hour HAHA. we also ended up staying an hour because we were having so much fun. there was another fountain nearby you could actually walk through. maybe it wasn't actually allowed but there were no signs so whoops!! we went from just sticking our hands in the jets to santino and jaime sticking their whole fucking heads in i was screaming laughing hahaha. it was a very happy and pure moment.

on this tour i learned a lot of new things about santino, one of which is that he apparently really likes milk LMFAO. and we had to like run around to try to find somewhere open that would have milk and cookies but everyone settled for taco bell. we went back to the hotel to watch aggretsuko but netflix kept glitching and the screen would black out whenever subs were on the screen i was so pissed. but we enjoyed a very wonderful night of going to bed early.

[andrustara]

Premier League Fixtures | Sky Sports

Epl schedule tomorrow - EPL Fixtures This Weekend |

If you have the Premier League then your app should be pristine video quality. They have eye money and the resources. NBC Sports gets a little lazy with the video quality because they know that no other tv network in the United States has any plans to buy the rights to click at this page the PL anytime in the near future. Can somebody please teach the idiots at NBC about what full match stats are. This happens quite often.

She never persists and changes the subject or cuts to a commercial epl schedule tomorrow. How lucky are you guys!!! Due to the virus, soccer watchers are at the mercy of network TV. Fun at first but boring.

A second sighting could be most instructive. Also, when the League starts epl schedule tomorrow, why not run the words the fans sing across the bottom of the screen. Is that a good idea. Rex Hearn, 89, Manchester City supporter since 7. Surely after all these years some enterprising fan has collected them in book form to which epl schedule tomorrow may refer. We understand! Rex Hearn. Love that we have epl schedule tomorrow start of a fixture list.

Just wondering about your source? Hi Ian, epl schedule tomorrow clubs and NBC Sports as well as other media outlets wait until tomorros is officially announced before publishing the schedules. Thanks again. It says that it is on Telemundo in the official Premier League app and I am just wanting to make sure that it is true. Sometimes the official Premier League app has informative post wrong listings. Yes, the Peacock games on Sunday will be on Gold as shedule.

Brighton-Newcastle will be on Peacock and Gold also. Replays for tojorrow matches will be available after 9 pm ET. I tried the Gold this year, but never had enough discipline to not look up the scores until 9 pm. I will not sign up for package next season. In total, Peacock Premium will present more than 1, hours of Premier League live match schedul epl schedule tomorrow programming — the most robust offering epl schedule tomorrow available in the U.

Included are full-event replays for all matches on-demand after 9 p. Here in the U. IT makes it very easy to track your wagers, post the odds, track different sportsbooks to select the best odds. Do you know if there is anything like that published in the U. I would love to subscribe to it as it would make wagering on the games less time consuming and more enjoyable.

I would imagine if there is they also might publish for the German, and other Premier level leagues. Thanks for any help you can give me.

Sky Sports picks the games for their television broadcasts, which sometimes require approval from police scheduoe games that are derbies or matches that are considered to be more dangerous requiring additional police protection for fans. The process takes time. I blame all three of them because they have cheated a huge number of Premier soccer fans from a great deal of pleasure.

A pox on all three of these selfish organizations! They took it away, now you have to pay to get it? I think you call epl schedule tomorrow extortion!? At least this Saturday and Sunday I actually will get 3 each day; unless that changes between now epl schedule tomorrow then!!! Can epl schedule tomorrow find a phone number to call Peacock for live help? I mentioned before to very wary of giving them sdhedule credit card information.

EPL Fixtures This Weekend

Rip off artists. So apparently, if epl schedule tomorrow want to watch the reigning EPL champs, you need Peacock at the moment. Maybe in November I can watch Liverpool. Epl schedule tomorrow noticed that!!! A real shame. Like I tell everyone, it was fun while it lasted! Looks like Christopher Harris was right. NBC is screwing over its cable subs a bit more this year. Chris: thanks for the link.

I caution people again to be wary of this vendor. Do you want the shock epl schedule tomorrow being wrongly charged? The hassle of dealing with an organization that hides its phone number?

Whose chat line appears inoperative? Other contact info made difficult to obtain? Even the investigator writing up the case noted difficulty reaching them. Do you have the time and disposition to deal with such problems for such a poor service? Will report outcome. Obviously it looks e;l an error occurred with otmorrow experience. Many companies make it difficult epl schedule tomorrow find their phone number.

I already pay for Peacock Premium but, unlike every other non-HBO service, it is difficult to watch Peacock outside of the home. My friend has an old Roku and a Amazon fire stick, so the app is unavailable. And she is a Comcast customer. But if you are paying for it then it should be available wherever you want to watch it.

But NBC is making it very difficult for me to share my love tomorroww the game with others. A quick update on my Peacock tribulation. Good news. Thanks to Chris H.

The sign up process was clunky, user unfriendly, and I had no confirmation that it epl schedule tomorrow thru. So I tried again but this time more cautiously opting for visit monthly, as my confidence in Peacock ebbed.

Premier League TV schedule and streaming links

Bingo… access to the Prem! I received the monthly charge, but later also got charged for the whole year for the failed sign up. My error was that, in my initial frustration to get activated, I must schesule entered my email incorrectly. So they were also charging me for that service, feeding to nobody or someone lucky! It was epl schedule tomorrow result of a harried fan being careless out of frustration, but why not install a system that would require email validation?

Looks like Peacock Premium subscribers have been screwed over?? How greedy is that? Just using it to force in new Peacock viewers!! I hope they lose the next Premier League contract. I only say this because there are many epl schedule tomorrow cutters that hope this same thing happens — but only so they can actually watch a top level match like this one via schedle stream only service like Peacock. Not as long as providers know that their traditional cable networks still draw a significant revenue stream, yet also can do so via their separate stream-only service.

EPL is most watched euro soccer league in the US and any provider will do what they can to maximize their revenue possibilities. If you epl schedule tomorrow a later model of the Roku devices with their latest software you can screen mirror to epl schedule tomorrow Roku. You then control the start and end of the game from your iPad but the video and sound comes from your TV.

I Have just bought a gen6 IPad and maybe this will do better. tomrorow pay for Peacock Premium on my old pad, how do I get to install epl schedule tomorrow on my new one without having to pay twice? Rebecca You should definitely be able to see an option to just login to Peacock app with your current profile do not sign up again epl schedule tomorrow the new iPad so helpful site to not be epl schedule tomorrow. Rebecca since Peacock allows multiple streams at the epl schedule tomorrow time your old iPad installation will not epl schedule tomorrow you from installing the app epl schedule tomorrow the Apple App store and than being charged again.

Just install the app and provide login credentials like email address and password. As far as your freezing problem is concerned it could be that your WiFi connection to the iPad is not very good. Make sure that your WiFi connection is excellent 5 bars. Other users did complain that Peacock does buffer the stream too many times to their liking.

So distinguish between buffering and freezing, epl schedule tomorrow will show a twirling circle. I always have to make sure not to connect to my Scyedule 5GHz epl schedule tomorrow as somehow that one is not as good as my 2. If I pay for the product I should be able to access the epl schedule tomorrow whenever I want to, how I want to and at a time that best suits me.

LTx In other topics here it was hotly debated what you mentioned. Several factors contributed to the lack of features in the Peacock App. There was no clear strategy how to present to the tomodrow the games as is evident by the dividing the matches between NBC, NBCSN and Peacock and than again a change in strategy by dropping games from the On-Demand Peacock streaming.

It all reeks a bit of an amateurish approach. Liverpool v. Now I am paying for less??? Makes you dizzy trying to figure it out each week. There is an error on the scheduling. On Sunday the 7th you show Wolverhampton v. Leeds and on Monday the 8th you show Leeds v. Crystal Epl schedule tomorrow. As s Leicester City fan I was miffed there was no game scheduled so went to their site and see they are epl schedule tomorrow to play Sunday v.

Otherwise keep up the good work! Man City game on Peacock will have spanish comm by the Telemundo crew epl schedule tomorrow for the first time. Life, for me, is more complicated with Peacock streaming more of the big games. Do the brave thing everyone and cancel Peacock! Then they will blog epl schedule tomorrow implement a scheeule model.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Competition: Schedulr League. Saturday, April 10 am EDT. Free Trial. Browse Offers. Rex Hearn January 21, Vasil February 22, Dave L May 13, Jack July 2, Payasos February 23, Chris March 23, Rex Hearn August 7, I love your humor,! Rex Hearn 88, City fan since 7!! Sam May 29, Bruce Duffy February 17, I totally agree with Rex. FIX IT!!!! Echedule Eaker March 8, Tom March 15, Christopher Harris March 15, Mike August 12, Is there epl schedule tomorrow venue that allows for subscription?

Thank You. Mike Borelli. Christopher Harris August 13, Doc March 25, Azer March 26, JP March 26, Doc March 28, Burnley 0 0 West Ham United. Chelsea 0 0 Fulham. Crystal Palace 0 0 Manchester City. Everton 0 0 Aston Villa.

Manchester United 0 0 Liverpool. Newcastle United 0 0 Arsenal. Southampton 0 0 Epl schedule tomorrow City. Tottenham Hotspur 0 0 Sheffield United. West Bromwich Albion 0 0 Wolverhampton Wanderers. Arsenal 0 0 West Bromwich Albion. Aston Villa 0 0 Manchester United. Fulham 0 0 Burnley. Leeds United 0 0 Tottenham Hotspur. Leicester City 0 0 Newcastle United. Liverpool 0 0 Southampton. Manchester City 0 0 Chelsea.

Sheffield United 0 0 Crystal Palace. West Ham United 0 0 Everton. Wolverhampton Wanderers 0 0 Brighton and Hove Albion. Burnley 0 0 Leeds United. Everton 0 0 Sheffield United. Crystal Palace 0 0 Aston Villa. Manchester United 0 0 Tomorrod City. West Bromwich Albion 0 0 Liverpool. Chelsea 0 0 Arsenal. Newcastle United 0 0 Manchester City. Southampton 0 0 Fulham. Tottenham Hotspur 0 0 Wolverhampton Wanderers.

Brighton and Hove Albion 0 0 Manchester City. Burnley 0 0 Liverpool. Epk 0 0 Leicester City. Crystal Palace 0 0 Arsenal. Everton 0 0 Wolverhampton Liverpool full match highlights этом. Manchester United 0 0 Fulham. Newcastle United 0 0 Sheffield United. Southampton 0 0 Leeds United. Tottenham Hotspur 0 0 Aston Villa.

[punkinvsblogging]

Hi. One time I flew from Beijing to Shanghai to see Fall Out Boy and then flew back hours later.

Then I went straight to work. D:

This was my first time traveling in China completely alone. It was pretty neat. I felt like a real grown-up lol

The goals were (chronologically):

1. Taco Bell

2. Fall Out Boy

and I achieved both! :D YAY I DID IT. I DID A THING. TWO THINGS.

1. 

In the cab from the hotel, looking for the Taco Bell, I saw this thing:

I was like, “Hey, what’s that thing?” and the driver was like, “Dongfangmingzhu(??).” I kinda? recognized it, and was like, “That must be important. I’ll look that up later,” and then I didn’t because taco distractions and Fall Out Boy. 

Also, he said my Chinese was good, and I was like heeeeeeeee. :3

Yooooo I’m getting close!

Found it! 

Chicken quesadillas, I missed you so much. :’o

They played Remember Me from Coco when I was in there. I was feeling it. 

I wanted to try other stuff, but I got full. :( I’m getting kinda sad now just thinking about that food lol I need to go back to Shanghai soon!

While I was smashing them fries, my friend messaged me on WeChat: “这是上海的地标。The Oriental Pearl TV Tower. The symbol of Shanghai.”

Neat. 

I decided that it probably costed money to go look at, so after food, I walked right on past it to find something else to do for a while.

One goal down, hours before the show. The venue was pretty close, so I was gonna just explore the area until about an hour before. 

I came back to the area I walked past the first time, and just walked in?? It was free! Neat. It was also the entrance to “The Oriental Pearl TV Tower. The symbol of Shanghai.” Double neat. I didn’t go up to the top because that DID cost money, and I didn’t know how long it would take or how much it would cost blah blah. But I did walk hurriedly around a museum and bought some post cards and dumb stuff for some people back in Beijing. Look at this baby:

So yeah. Then I Didi’d to the venue for goal number 2!

2.

I got in and IMMEDIATELY started buying merch. Very glad I did because a lot of it was already gone. :( I bought almost everything there. :( The one guy there that spoke English was like, “Wow you must really like this band,” and I was like, “I’ve been listening to this band for 15 years. GIVE ME ALL THE THINGS.”

OMG! :D

I sat next to this 16(?) year-old girl and her dad(?) from Mexico. They’d been living in China for 5(?) years-ish. I don’t remember much else from that conversation other than the part where she shared her M&M’s with me. So sweet. D: Also she gave me this purple thingie because she had an extra:

I wonder whose job it was to cut all those out? And I wonder if they were all on a big purple sheet of paper? Because I want that?

Anyway, I went out and paid like FIFTEEN KUAI FOR A CUP OF WATER (that I kicked over probably during HOLD ME TIGHT, OR DON’T bc I was getting down to that, for real), and then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t have a lot of pictures because when I WAS using my phone, I was texting and sending videos to my bff @llamac0rn , saying emo dumb stuff because Fall Out Boy and emotions were happening. 

I was so close, y’all omg. I never thought I’d be that close to Fall Out Boy? In my life? It was so weird. Like...being a teenager(?) and watching the Dance, Dance video on tv after school, seeing their interviews, always seeing them through a screen, and then just SEEING THEM. RIGHT THERE. THEIR FACES. REAL PEOPLE. Did y’all know the Fall Out Boys are real? I didn't. 

Yeah. 

After it was over, everyone was doing the thing where you don’t leave because you just can’t, okay? You just can’t.  But then all the security was like GTFO, so we did, and on the way out I saw this girl:

I was like, “Yo, same!”

Outside, there were two guys selling knock-off Fall Out Boy shirts, and of course I bought them lol I mean maybe they weren’t knockoffs? I’m just assuming they were because each shirt that was being sold at the show was at least 200 kuai, and those dudes were selling shirts for 50. I think I bought three? lol I spent so much money that day, y’all. I don’t even feel bad. I deserved it, okay? oKAY?

After spending all that money, I went and spent more money at a convenience store because I didn’t know if I’d be hungry later (for chocolate) when I got back to the hotel. Some teenage foreigners were in there acting like asses because I guess...teenagers act like asses? Often? I’m pretty sure I did too. Anyway, the poor workers. :( I guess I gave them a nice distraction when I asked them (in Chinese) for a bag and where I could call a cab. She said my Chinese was better than hers lol. Joke’s on her, I could only understand half of what she was saying. :’D

I went outside and called the hotel and asked for the address to put into Didi, and they were like !!!!!!!ENGLISH!!!!!!! and hung up on me. Then I called back like, “Hi. It’s me again. I’m still on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Help?” And they were like, “Uh? Wifi? Password is!!!!.....Sorry I can not speak English.”

Good thing the room key had the address on it. :) 

On the way back to the hotel, I clearly saw a full moon and a clear sky for the first time in a very long time. I was kinda sad to go back to Beijing, but I enjoyed my few hours in Shanghai. I was having one of my worst weeks in China up until I got on the plane there. One of the best days of my life so far. Reasons to stay alive, for sure.

Thanks, Fall Out Boy.

2018年 5月 2号

[jennymanrique]

How Wild Detectives created a space for lovers of Latin American literature in Dallas

Javier García del Moral, co-founder of Wild Detectives photographed in his bookstore-bar-venue located in Oak Cliff. Photo: Ron Baselice

In her native Argentina, Ana Gandolfo, 35, was used to neighborhood bookstores where people could meet, have coffee and talk into the night. So when friends tipped her off back in 2014 about a new cafe-style bookstore and bar called The Wild Detectives in Oak Cliff, it sounded  like home.

"Up until then I think the Latino community wasn't seen as one capable of appreciating something as intellectual as this," Gandolfo said about Wild Detectives, an experiment that bet that a cafe could be more than a place to spend hours in front of a computer, and instead a space to talk and read books.

"It has shown culture is important to Latinos," said Gandolfo, a lawyer who arrived in Dallas 27 years ago as a child. "Even my parents felt the need for a space where they could boost the social part every booklover needs."

Today, four years after its opening,  Javier García del Moral, who launched Wild Detectives with Paco Vique, said that the city's response has been gratifying. When the two started, they had no idea if their idea could work.

"We had never done something remotely similar," said García del Moral, 39, a civil engineer from La Rioja, Spain.

"Watching the neighbors and visitors alike, writers and literary groups, saying from day one:  'Let's help make this work,' speaks volumes about the quality of the people here in Dallas and the urge for cultural initiatives."

On Saturday, April 14, Wild Detectives will mark its fourth anniversary with a music festival featuring bands including Ley Line, Skinny Cooks, Mecca and others performing hip-hop, folk, funk and jazz tunes.

Closing the show will be DJ Tempranillo, a friend of the bookstore from Spain who promises to make everybody dance.

A careful mix

Wild Detectives carries about 75 titles at a time. At least 15 percent are in Spanish, and there are several translations in English of Latin American and European authors.

The list is curated by García del Moral, Vique and literature fans. "We have a rotating database of about 100 friends. Every now and then they send us their favorite titles to be included in the catalogue," García del Moral said.

"We trust their criteria because they are writers, translators or people who read a lot. We are also on the lookout for the latest trends. At least once a month we have a Spanish-language event with Latin American authors."

García del Moral thinks that any event in his native language is a positive development. "More now than ever, when speaking Spanish is almost a political statement with the president we have," he said.

The cafe has no TV screens, and WiFi is turned off during the weekends. It has been the place to meet and greet writers such as Spanish alpinist Simón Elías, Cuba's Carlos Manuel Álvarez, Mexico's Carlos Velásquez Perales, Bolivia's Rodrigo Hasbún and Guatemala's Rodrigo Fuentes, as well as many English-only authors.

The diversity is an attempt at representing the surrounding neighborhood.

"Here you can find people from every culture and race,"  García del Moral said. "We like the fact that people with opposite views feel attracted by literature, which at the end of the day is a very democratic expression.

"A book in itself is the most democratic artistic medium you can find: It's there for everyone, it doesn't have an expiration date, it doesn't disappear, it can be used in an infinite number of ways. It can be read by me, by you. You can go back to it whenever you want," he said.

The idea for the cafe sprang from a novel. Los Detectives Salvajes (The Savage Detectives), by the late Roberto Bolaño, is about the search for a Mexican poet, Cesárea Tinajero, who seems to have disappeared into the Sonoran Desert.  In the book, Ulises Lima and Arturo Belano became peculiarly obsessed with finding her.

García del Moral and his partner thought that the inquisitiveness of those "life investigators and inspectors of the experience" should anchor their business.

So they set up a bookstore-bar-venue where they could  combine two of their passions: books and booze. In the bar, they serve cocktails, wines, beers and non-alcoholic beverages, as well as a modest food menu of Mediterranean bites, breakfast tacos and desserts.

If a customer wants a book not included in the stock, he or she can order it — and when delivered, it comes with a free drink.

There is also a record collection and a patio where patrons can enjoy live music, readings and theater.

A book club

Before moving to Dallas two years ago, Carlis Dania Mendoza, 27, found Wild Detectives online.

"The first thing I liked is that it celebrates Latin American writers," said Mendoza, a psychiatrist at UT Southwestern Medical Center who grew up at the Bronx but was born in the Dominican Republic.

"Having a Spanish reading club is very helpful for people learning the language, who want to get steeped into Latin American literature, not only classical but contemporary."

Book club meetings are held twice a month, one for those who read in Spanish and another for those who prefer English.

On April 5, Mexican writer Verónica Gerber Bicecci, the author of one of the books voted as the club's favorite, Conjunto Vacío (Empty Set), was at the bookstore speaking to her readers about her creative process and the challenges in translating her work into English.

She was joined by her translator, one of the most recognized of the field, Christina MacSweeney.

The bookstore's March program included a series of talks called Dallas Gentrified. "This is a very complex issue because gentrification can be either positive or negative, and we really needed a deep talk about it," García del Moral said.

He admitted that his own business has contributed to both sides of the urban displacement, promoting inclusion with its free events but also causing "some degree of speculation," as any successful business can bring on property value in an area.

But García del Moral hopes his contribution for the coming years could be in another critical realm — increasing the number of inquisitive, culture-loving people in Dallas.

Originally published here

Want to read this story in Spanish? Click here

[thedeadnotesofficial]

Vienna (AT), 10.03.2020

We stayed at Mario‘s (Blackout Problems) flat last night in Munich. The former plan was to head off to Vienna at 8 am latest to have some spare time to hang out in the city, which when touring, rarely happens. Of course the early departure ended up being unrealistic , since we arrived at the accomodation very late last night again and the next morning our travel party of six need showers!

Anyway, smart like TM Darius is, he knows us too well and factored in spare time that we would still arrive on time even when leaving with 1:30 h delay. Genius!

We arrive in Vienna in the afternoon with still two hours left until load in and the usual set-up routine starts. Even though the latest news and updates regarding Coronavirus are making waves everywhere, all the shops, cafés and bars are still open.

We‘re relieved when we receive the news that our show tonight will still be going on even though the same day the Austrian government has passed a ban for events and public gatherings with more than 100 people.

The capacity at the beautiful 'Rhiz' is now limited to 99 people but to be honest, even without any restrictions I don‘t know how you could squeeze that many people into the small venue. At this point we‘re still not really worried about the whole situation but a little shook up by the news and updates that come in any minute.

We park the van right in front of the venue and split the travel party. Darius, Jakob and Paul found a cozy café via Google Maps that seems to have free wifi so they can set up their mobile office there and get some laptop work 'off their chests' like Paul uses to say.

Anton, Martin and I decide to just stroll around, do pointless shopping and errands and eventually we find a cozy place to hang out at and have a beer.

I really need to buy some 'natron' to get rid of my heartburn and also find a new film for my new but actually very antique analog camera. Unfortunately I only find the 'natron', so what. I wash down the whole packet with an extremly fizzy lemonade which turns out to be a really dumb idea. I can‘t stop burping but hey… at least the heartburn is gone.

We try to find a shop that sells postcards to send them to our friends and family back home. Easier said than done. However it‘s great to finally have the time on this tour to get all this done. Slowly the time is running out though and we still didn‘t have a beer.

Luckily we then find a small shop AND a bar right on the next street corner. The postcards there turn out to be unbelievably corny and the bar is showing horse racing on a massive screen, but we have low ambitions and very few demands so that‘s just fine. I know my grandma will be happy about a little update from her grandson too.

Obviously at this point we didn‘t know we would be back home way earlier than expected and at the same time as the postcard.

On the way back to the venue I get the impulse to photograph one of these totally ordinary tram stops. The same moment I whip out my cam and focus the scene through the viewfinder, the doors of a tram open and someone is screaming 'Oiiiiiiii!'. It's Paul & all the other guys waiting in the exact the tram I just photographed, so we try to squeeze in too. It‘s so packed that it‘s nearly impossible to move. In retrospect it‘s really no wonder that the virus spread so fast.

Every f‘n time we stick to the schedule, we just end up standing in front of closed doors. I sometimes feel like it‘s so common for bands to be late that many promoters don‘t even bother to arrive on the agreed time anymore.

It follows a very stressful backline set-up and soundcheck. In all this hectic rush the nice people in Nervus from the UK who are also playing tonight receive a parking ticket while they are standing only a few meters away from their van that is definitely neither disrupting the traffic nor a problem for anyone else than two bored cops. I try to help out as a translator between both parties but the officer doesn't want to hear it.  

„They don‘t keep you safe!“

The awesome locals from Jeanny kick off the show tonight and play a great set. It‘s day 13 of the tour and i've now got huge blisters on my hands and fingers from drumming so much. Playing a headline tour with long sets each and every night is really something else. I go and tape my hands and try warm up for the set a little bit.

Literally every corner of the super small venue is packed with kids and next Nervus play an absolute killer set. I‘m pretty sure my whole kit is now detuned and my toms at least 50 Hz deeper due to Jack's intense drumming. Why am I am even bothering to tune them perfectly still. Haha. Anyway. It‘s the perfect evening. Our first headline show in Vienna ever and the kids are freaking out even though it‘s a Tuesday night!  

After all the gear is loaded out and everyone says goodbye, we end the evening in style and go for a few canned beers and some bog-standard falafels from one of the Gürtel' shops nearby. And again it‘s late when we leave for Zock‘s flat, who is our good friend (forever!) and host (tonight!). Shout out to you buddy, you‘re the best.

Good night Vienna! We‘ll be the first ones who are back when they open the borders again! <3

Photos: Paul Ambrusch

[sevenclowds]

ang's epic adventure 2k17

The extremely long-winded, full director’s cut, bonus edition of 4 days spent chasing round the country after Frank Iero. I don’t expect anyone to read all of this, but I wrote it for my benefit bc I don’t want to forget any details of my epic adventure. Warning: very long and emo. Scenes of crying & general fangirling.

LIVERPOOL Sept 21 2017

I got the train down from Edinburgh to Liverpool in the morning and arrived around lunchtime. It felt weird being on my own so far from home yet this area is where I grew up so I was both home and far from home and it was the oddest combination of feelings. I wandered around the city listening to the scousers and enjoying hearing that accent again. My hotel for the night was Parr St Studios, a really cool place that is still a working recording studio that has been used by the likes of Coldplay, Pulp, and The Smiths, but still manages to find space for a few hotel rooms. I have to say, even though I was forewarned about the noise on the website, it is without doubt the loudest, least restful place I've ever stayed in. Imagine trying to get some shut-eye on the floor of a night club and you might have some idea. I still loved the place, don't get me wrong and would stay there again in a heartbeat because it was so cool. I sat in my room that afternoon listening to the same guitar riff being played downstairs over and over and over for 2 hrs. It was pretty catchy until they added some autotune vocals which, if they want my opinion, sorta spoiled the vibe. But I was in Liverpool, the home of good music, in a literal recording studio, looking out at The Arts Club, where Frank and the boys would be playing that night. I was happy and buzzed. Life is good!

View from my window:

The Arts Club is that building with the checked brick design. From my perfectly placed spying window, I could see the band coming and going out the side door. Matt came out for a cigarette, Frank came out to make a phone call, Derek Zanetti came out in his floral sweater and hugged some random person, one of the Paceshifters crew paced and shifted. It was compulsive viewing. (If you zoom in really far you'll see Matt outside smoking.) I see you, Matt Olsson.

At 7pm I made my way down in the rickety lift (one of those old fashioned ones with the grille and concertina door that gives you a workout just trying to get in the damn thing) and walked next door to the Arts Club.

THE SUPPORT BANDS Paceshifters This Dutch trio consists of a pair of super-cute brothers with nice hair and a half-naked drummer. They've obviously listened to a lot of Oasis/Smashing Pumpkins bc the lead singer has a similar grungy nasal voice. Some of their songs go on a bit and have quieter contemplative moments that are probably great to listen to at home, but make the folks at the show head for the bar. Overall, a promising act. I liked them a lot but I think they were maybe just a little too nervous to project their presence fully.

The Homeless Gospel Choir Derek Zanetti, aka THGC, arrives onstage and instantly owns it. With his flowery sweater, slightly out of tune acoustic guitar, big earnest blue eyes, large glasses, and his heart on his sleeve, he proceeds through his set of "folk punk protest songs" like an endearing steam train, gathering speed and the audience's attention as he goes. "This is a protest song!" he yells before every single song, and we can't stop smiling and laughing and cheering him on. He's the very definition of punk: an outcast, no longer trying to fit into any mould, proud to be different, and reminding the room that we're "never gonna be normal cause you're a punk!" I luff him.

Dave Hause & the Mermaid So after all that excitement, on comes Dave Hause and his mermaid friends. I'd love to like this band, but for some reason they offend my musical sensibilities. To my ears, their sound is very middle of the road rock, the kind of thing I used to listen to in the late 80s/early 90s before Frank & co were old enough to invent good music. Perhaps that's my problem with them, they remind me of past times, and I've moved on from the Bryan Adams phase of my life and don't particularly need to revisit it. The band is competent enough, but I just wish they had some songs that made me feel alive and want to clap my hands of my own accord, rather than being forced to clap by a frantic Dave Hause whose sole purpose in life seems to be to make every single audience member clap along to every single second of the show while singing 'Oh-oooohh", which incidentally, seems to be the chorus of every song. Two identical blokes near the front pumped their fists and sang to every single word, so obviously my lukewarm opinion wasn't shared by everybody. Plus, Evan clearly enjoyed them, because I spotted him up on the balcony taking some video during their set:

FIATP Finally, to the dramatic strains of the Interstellar soundtrack, our heroes took to the stage. As the first guitar chords rang out, they were completely captivating as usual. Their set consisted of a mix of old and new, BFF and No Fun Club from the new EP, and Helter Skelter to please the Beatles fans in the audience. Frank told us, "We're going to play some songs tonight that we haven't played in a long time. There's some songs that we don't normally play. There's some songs that we do play a lot so, uh, you can just pretend to be surprised by all of them!" At one point someone shouted, "Matt Olsson is sexy as fuck!" to which Frank shot back, "That might not be true!" Nice to see some Matt love :) The crowd, although very enthusiastic, wasn't quite as lively as I'd imagined a scouser crowd would be, and nothing like as rough and bruise-inducing as the Glasgow crowds I grew up going to shows with. I think a lot of that was to do with the stage being so wide which made the audience seem a little sparse. Even at the back, there would be only about 10 people in front of you. Overall, though, it's a wonderful venue for being able to see the band because everyone is close and I got some great pics and video :)

Videos: BFF | I’m a Mess | Helter Skelter | Matt Olsson love

After the show, I wandered among the merch booths. The Paceshifter boys were looking a little sad and lonely so I signed up for their mailing list, took a sticker and told them I liked their stuff. I felt like a mother trying to give encouragement to her kids. You did great! Keep up the good work! I made Paul Paceshifter smile so my work was complete. Then I bought a 5 quid patch from the Homeless Gospel Choir and Derek was so appreciative you'd think I'd just paid off his mortgage. He asked my name, took my hand, looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his and thanked me profusely for my generosity. I got a photo with him. "We're two peas in a pod!" he said. I'm not sure what he meant but I just laughed and agreed...

Then I noticed Evan on the stage, coiling up cables, and figured I'd annoy him next. I shouted his name and he came over and we chatted about the fact that I'd met him in Baltimore (I don't think he remembered me but whatever, I still consider him to be my friend dammit!) and that we'd had a conversation about Nando's being his fave British restaurant. I asked him if he'd had his Nando's fix yet and he said yes he'd eaten lunch there and then proceeded to natter about how good their chicken is and how he can't get it back home. He said he'd felt really off tonight because of jet lag and that he'd played probably his worst show ever. I told him I disagreed and that I thought he did great (again with the parental pep talk wtf). Then I remembered that @phantomseverywhere would kill me if I didn't get a pic of Future Husband™ so he came and sat on the edge of the stage and we got this pic:

He said he was so exhausted that he didn't think his image would show up in the photo. Bless. Poor Evvie.

I went outside and there were so many people out there. It's a busy night club district and apparently Thurs night is party night for Liverpudlians. I went back to the hotel briefly to get some wifi so I could send updates and pics. Then I came back down at midnight to see if the band were out yet. There were a fair number of fans standing around waiting but gradually they all trickled away until it was just me, a 14 yr old called Mia and her dad, and a small group of maybe 6 people. I struck up a conversation with Mia because she was sweet and had X's on her eyes. This was her first time seeing Frank and she was super excited. Then Frank came out, wheeling a box of equipment down the road and across the cobblestoned street (they must hate Europe!). Mia was like, "It's Frank! OMG it's FFRNAK!" and we got to shake his hand and get some photos and he said he'd come back out and chat after they'd loaded the van. He looked very cold with at least 3 layers, hood, hat and thick gloves. It wasn't actually very cold at all. Bless our Frank and his lack of circulation.

All the bands were loading their own equipment into the van. I guess I thought they might have crew to do that for them but they only had a skeleton crew. (So very proud of that joke! Sorry, couldn't help myself.) I kinda felt like asking them if they needed help (again, mom mode) but would they find that weird and I expect they're very protective of all their expensive kit and wouldn't want the likes of us touching it. A group of drunk girls walked past, and asked if they were famous. "Who are you? Have we heard of you? Are you famous?" To which Alex replied, "Yes, we're all famous!" but the girls obviously didn't believe him and walked off. I said, "Alex! I know you're famous. Can I get a photo with you?" and his little face lit up. He complained that no one ever recognizes the bass player, to which I reminded him that I did indeed recognize him and here we were taking a selfie and could he please shut up and smile ;)

Then Frank wandered over to us, clearly ready to sign things and chat. Mia had a sharpie so we all got stuff signed. Someone said they would be at the Glasgow show in Oct and he said that show is on the year anniversary of the accident. I asked him how his shoulder was and he said, "It suhks! I'm in constant pain." :( I asked him if he was getting massage therapy and/or physical therapy and he said he was getting PT. He told me he'd torn the tendon from the bone, so it sounds like a rotator cuff injury, which are notorious for taking many months and even years to heal :( He said he'd been offered surgery to fix it but didn't really want to go under the knife. "I don't want them to cut me." (OMG could he be more vulnerable and lovable?) He said, "Is it getting any better? No. But is it getting any worse? No. So I'm just going to wait it out for now." I left feeling so immensely grateful that he puts on shows for us and plays that damn guitar even though he's in pain. Props to you, kiddo! You're amazing!

I went back to the hotel and spent 2 hrs coming down from the high of meeting Frank. I'd finally met him. Bloody hell, it's been 12 years and I got there eventually, due to a gargantuan effort, meticulous planning, and much expense  in plane fares and hotel bills. Totally. All. Worth. It. I messaged my husband and he was so excited for me. He posted to Facebook, “If your wife’s going to run off with someone, it may as well be Frank. No shame in that.” Love that man and his tolerance of my weird hobbies :) At about 3.30am I eventually figured I might be calm enough to sleep, but the noise was un-fucking-believeable. My window was locked open which meant my room was freezing and all the nightclub sounds from outside in the adjoining building were so loud. I might as well have been outside. Even with earplugs, a hoodie, and a pillow over my ears, it was hopeless. I maybe got 3 hrs of low quality sleep and at 7am figured fuck it I might as well get up and go to Leeds.

LEEDS Sept 22 2017

Took the train to Leeds and checked into the hotel right next to the Key Club. I love a venue right next to a hotel. Makes things so easy :) It was a trendy hotel and I wasn't sure I liked this cricketer in my shower who freaked me out every time I used the bathroom.

I had too much nervous excitement to eat but I forced myself to have a bowl of soup for dinner. I wasn’t feeling that great tbh. The sleep deprivation was starting to get to me and I wondered if I'd be able to stand for the 4 hr show again that night. What was I thinking? Teenagers can do this night after night but can old people? Do I have the stamina? Was this all a big mistake?

I made my way to the Key Club and Paceshifters were already on stage. The venue was small (tiny!), long and narrow so that only a few people could be at the front. It was dark, cosy, and welcoming. Instantly, I was home again and I tucked myself into the crowd, all tiredness evaporating. I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be. I was living! How stupid I'd been to think I needed sleep! Nope, what I needed was 4 hours of live punk music. Yes!! I saw lots of familiar faces from the previous night. The two identical Dave Hause enthusiasts were there, fists pumping and heads banging during his set, and I got chatting to a couple of girls who had come from Canada and Germany to this show. Then FIATP came on and the room went fuhkin WILD!!! Congrats, Leeds. You definitely won the prize for most energetic crowd. Bloody. Hell. The room moved in waves and I didn't really stand a chance of doing anything but go with it. I impersonated flotsam for a couple of songs until I managed to extricate myself and get to the side of the room. Frank later informed us that it was a sold out crowd. Go Leeds! We were treated to Helter Skelter again, and also It Ain't Easy (a Bowie cover). Loving the covers, guys. During the encore break the crowd started chanting "Oh Jeremy Corbyn!" which was the greatest thing ever tbh. It was obvious that a bunch of Americans weren't going to know who Jeremy Corbyn is and Frank came out looking amused and confused. "To be honest," he said, "I have no idea what you guys are saying but it sounds fucking awesome!" Haha omg.

Videos: Oh Jeremy Corbyn! | It Ain’t Easy | Remedy

I didn't hang around to meet the guys after the show because 1) I didn’t want to bother them every night and 2) because I really needed to get an early night. The show finished at 10.13 and I was back up in my hotel room by 10.15. Get in!

THOUGHT BUBBLE Sept 23 2017

So this was going to be my day off. All I had planned on my itinerary was "Hang out in Leeds". The next show wasn't until the next day so I thought I'd have an easy day wandering around before getting the train to Manchester. But then I found out about Thought Bubble, a comic con which was happening. In fucking Leeds. The actual place I was already in. That day. The actual day I had off. So what's a girl to do but go see Gerard Way. Might as well meet half of mcr during this trip. I purchased a day pass and wandered off to find where Gee was. I found him in Leeds Town Hall, right in the corner, sort of trapped there signing things all day. Not sure how he does it, but it didn't look like the most fun a guy could have. I'd already decided not to stand in line to meet him because I'd heard someone say the queue snaked though 4 rooms in the building and down the stairs outside (I was hearing 5 hrs wait) and I'd already met him 2 yrs ago at NC Comicon. So I just snapped a couple of pictures from a distance, content with just seeing him in person, reassured that he was still real and alive and well. I wandered around some of the comic tables but I wasn't even in the mood for it. Turns out a comic con isn't much fun on your own. It didn't seem right to be there without my comic-loving hubby and kiddo.

There was still 5 hrs to go until the Young Animal panel. Why was it scheduled so late? If I went to that then I would have to get a later train to Manchester and would arrive in the dark, which isn't the best plan for a girl on her own. What to do? I debated for ages with my buddy @gerardwaay. Should I get the earlier train, arrive in plenty of time and get some much-needed rest, or should I attend the panel which ends late and travel in the dark and risk getting killed horribly in Manchester? So of course, I chose Gerard over my life. You would have done the same, right?

There wasn't exactly a queue for the panel yet, but I could see a crowd of what were clearly "my people", waiting outside the panel venue. I recognized about half of them from the Leeds and Liverpool shows lmao. There was a guy with a Black Parade jacket, so many girls wearing fishnets, people with FIATP and Umbrella Academy patches. Yes, I was in the right place. These were my people :)

After about 2 hours of waiting we were allowed into the auditorium and we all spent a very happy hour in the company of Gerard and co. The girls next to me in the queue had been laughing about the fact that they'd spent all day at the comic con and hadn't seen any of the comic stuff at all. All they'd done was literally queue up to meet Gerard and then queue up again to see Gerard. That man is single-handedly propping up the comic book industry lmao.

MANCHESTER Sept 24 2017

I spent the day catching up with an old friend of mine who I hadn't seen for 13 yrs. We had a great time comparing fandoms: she's into One Direction and Harry Styles. She's never heard any MyChem songs, but then again I've never knowingly heard a One Direction song either so it's all good. As we wandered around Manchester we saw many more of "my people" and I trained her how to spot them and inducted her into the secret world of the Frank symbol. This is how we communicate with each other, I said. Through the use of this symbol and the initials "FIATP". Does Harry Styles have a symbol, huh? Huh? I actually don't know the answer to this.

At 6.30pm we parted ways and I headed down to the venue. I had had very little to eat that day and was feeling hungry-sick but literally couldn't eat anything. It was a good job this was the last night because being on the road is tough. I honestly don't know how the guys do it, and once again I’m enormously appreciative and in awe of all they do for us.

The Manchester show was so nice. It felt like a big party. So many familiar faces, people starting to know all the words to The Homeless Gospel Choir songs, the Jeremy Corbyn chant popping up again, Dave Hause doing a tribute to Oasis by doing a few choruses of Wonderwall. I think this was my favourite show of the 3. I was getting into the swing of being on my own and I had an absolute blast! The only thing is that it was so HOT. Frank said he had trench foot because his shoes still hadn't dried out from the previous show. I don't think they'll be drying out anytime soon tbh.

Videos: Blood Infections | They Wanted Darkness | World Destroyer | Joyriding

After the show, I got a taxi back to my hotel and as I walked to the lift, a sudden wave of emotion hit me. By the time I reached my room I was a sobbing mess. I stood in my room crying, big wracking sobs, not of sadness, but of joy, gratitude and love for these special few days I got to spend with my band. I am so immensely grateful to have them in my life. Do they know how much they mean to me? DO THEY KNOW???! Thanks to @phantomseverywhere for letting me cry at you until I calmed down :) I was just processing a lot of emotions at once. It had been an intense trip, traveling on my own, trying to keep myself safe, meeting my hero and his lovely friends, and partying to my favourite music every night whilst surrounded by my people. Thank you thank you thank you. I am the luckiest girl in the world :D

[jeffreypjacobs]

The No Nonsense Guide To Your First Cruise

So you’re thinking about going on a cruise? I can think of few things more polarizing than cruising when it comes to travel. Ask two people who have gone on a cruise and chances are you’ll find one that won’t vacation any other way, and another that has sworn off cruises forever. Forget the naysayers for a minute—some people will find fault with almost anything. Cruises are awesome. And if you’ve not yet experienced one, it’s high time you did. That’s why I decided to write this no nonsense guide to your first cruise, so that we can talk about cruises, what you need to know, and why you should absolutely consider getting on board—pun intended. Let’s get started.

Why You Should Go on a Cruise

So, why go on a cruise? That’s easy. For starters, cruises are incredibly convenient. Think of a cruise as a way of visiting several exotic places while only having to unpack once. Americans will spend $100 Billion on vacations this year, the average spending 10 percent of their income on getting away. Because of that, there can be tremendous pressure on the planning phase. With a cruise, you don’t have to find a hotel for the night, plan transportation, or find just the right restaurant, all the work is done for you, you just need to relax and enjoy the ride.

Next, cruises are relatively cheap. Of course, there are many variables to consider, but there are several itineraries on the mainstream cruise lines that are priced at less than $100 per person, per day. When you consider that that includes the room, meals in most of the dining rooms, entertainment in most of the onboard venues, access to the pools and fitness centers, and limited drink options, that’s a much better value than you’ll probably ever find on land.

Finally, there are so many options! Cruises are absolutely, positively not “One Size Fits All.” From the largest ship in the world, Royal Caribbean’s 5,400 passenger Symphony of The Seas, to Viking’s Long Ships cruising European rivers, to French Country Waterways’ 12-person barges, there is literally something for everyone’s taste.

Start With a Starter Cruise

To get you started on your cruising adventures, I recommend you consider a “starter cruise.” This is a fantastic way to dip your toes in the water, as it were, and see what you think. And, from a practical standpoint, there is no reason to spend a bunch of money on airfare and a lengthy itinerary, when you might find going on a boat is just not for you. There are lots of choices that offer a starter cruise of three, four, or five nights that can give you a taste of the experience without a significant commitment. My wife and I are cruise veterans, and we experiment with what we like to call our “cruise adventures” on a regular basis.

In fact, we recently jumped on something that would be perfect for a “starter cruise.” The ship boarded in Charleston, SC, which is a few hours’ drive for us, and we spent five nights with two days at sea and two stops in the Bahamas. It was the perfect easy getaway for a chance to unplug and relax, and for a newbie, a great way to test your cruise-ability.

Where and How to Get the Best Deals on Cruises

If that sounds like a good idea, the next questions are logically where and how to get the best deals on cruises. First things first here: Know there is no such thing as full price. Nobody who knows what they’re doing pays full price, and that’s part of my mission with this article, to teach you just that.

Let’s start with where the deals are. First, think about where you would like to go, and find what cruise lines have those ports of call. The internet is your friend on this front. Sign up for the cruise lines’ newsletters and you’ll quickly see that your email inbox will fill up with offers like cabin upgrades, onboard ship credits, and discounts on excursions. Watch for bundles, which are where the cruise lines put together airfare, rental cars, and hotel stays, as a bundled deal. Make sure you do your homework and compare pricing from other suppliers for the same deal.

It also pays to be patient. This is where being retired, like my wife and I are, can really pay off, because we are free to go and do without having to worry about planning much in advance. If it sounds like I’m bragging about that, you might be right. I’m not going to lie—retirement is awesome. I digressed—back to being patient. Know that the closer you get to the start date of the cruise, the lower the prices get. Why? Because the cruise lines make their money from what passengers buy on the ship, so none of them want empty staterooms. If you are willing to risk that some itineraries could sell out during prime season, or some excursions might not be available, then you could score amazing cruise discounts, cabin upgrades, onboard ship credits, or all of the above at a fraction of the originally published prices. While you can utilize your traditional travel agent, there are tons of sites where you can fashion your own deals. We have been successful with Vacations To Go on several occasions, and you might also try Cruise Sheet. We actually got the best deal most recently, and airline miles, by using an offer from our airline credit card company. They also were looking to promote a travel bundle with the cruise as a significant incentive. We jumped at the opportunity!

Reviews Can Be Your BFF, So Check Them!

Before you make that great deal purchase, check one more thing—reviews can be your BFF. Check out the specific boat that you will be on. There are all sorts of reviews available online for the exact itinerary on the exact ship you’re considering. Your fellow cruisers are amazing and you’ll find that many of them write reviews on critical details like when the ship was last refurbished (that’s important—look for words like “tired”), and their experiences with excursions. You don’t want to spend your hard-earned money on the jeep excursion with vehicles that don’t work, or the all-inclusive beach day with food that reviewers call “absolutely terrible.” Reviews, and fellow travelers are very much your friend in this regard. Your fellow travelers have gone before you, and done a bunch of the legwork. Make sure you spend a lot of time reading the reviews they’ve written and factor that into your final decision.

All-Inclusive? Not If You’re Thirsty

Everybody likes the all-inclusive deals, but defining exactly what that means, before you go on a cruise adventure, is important. On a cruise ship, while many things are included, some, like alcoholic beverages, are generally not. While most of your dining options include free non-bottled water, iced tea or lemonade with dinner, they definitely don’t include alcohol, and likely not soft drinks either. Check your specific cruise options in advance so that you’ll know what’s included, as well as what you can bring on board. Some lines let you bring a case of bottled water, some soft drinks and two bottles of wine on board, and those are definitely things you want to do if you’re able. You can also purchase upgrades for liquor or soft drinks, but no matter what you do, just make sure you know what’s included and what’s not, and also do the math before buying upgrades.

Internet access is also not included with your cruise. While I personally recommend taking the advantage of that and simply unplugging and relaxing while you are on board, if you absolutely have to check that Facebook account, there is Wifi throughout most of the larger ships. There are usually internet kiosks available, as well, with internet access available hourly, daily, or for the whole cruise. Some options include paying more for “higher speed” internet, but be aware, it’s not like the internet at home. It’s a satellite service and depending on where you are, it can be S-L-O-W. Also be aware that most of the ships use an open internet access, so the usual caution should be taken with what you access and information you transmit while online.

Motion Sickness, Shopping, and Gratuities

Motion Sickness. If you’ve never been on a cruise, it’s normal to worry a bit about motion sickness. After all, it’s not like you can simply hop off if you succumb to motion sickness, so it’s a legitimate concern. Today’s large cruise ships have stabilizers internally but some people still struggle with motion sickness and getting accustomed to being at sea. If you’re at all concerned that you might have an issue with that, consider booking a cabin with at least a window, located mid-ship and on a lower deck, where there is the least amount of motion. Come prepared, just in case. Bring Scopolamine patches or take Dramamine or Bonine, or wear the special wristbands designed to help combat seasickness.

Shopping. If possible, it’s generally a good idea to resist the urge to shop onboard. You will be tempted by the shops with everything from souvenirs to jewelry to “duty-free” alcohol. It’s a bit like shopping in an airport—you’re a captive audience, and probably not spending a lot of time thinking about price-checking. They count on that, you can be sure! Make sure especially avoid the art auctions. After a couple of drinks and a good meal, the deals may indeed seem too good to be true, and trust me, they generally are!

Gratuities. Finally, a word about gratuities. The ship’s crew make their living from tips, and many lines automatically include gratuities on your bill as a percentage of the cost of the cruise. That’s not a bad thing, as it would be hard for you to tip the crew members you never see. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tip the room service delivery guy (if this is a cruise deal, much of the room service food is included), just be aware of what is included, and what isn’t. Pay attention, or ask if you’re not sure. For example, the bill at the bar is likely to include both a standard tip, and a line for you to include another. Unless you got service over and above whatever the standard tip covers, maybe you don’t want to include another. Or, maybe your service was so spectacular and over the top, you do. Whichever route you go, just know that gratuities are often something that are built into what you’re paying, so pay attention and tip where and when it makes sense to reward great service.

Wrapping It Up

There you have it, my best advice on how to get started if you’re thinking about taking that first cruise adventure. My wife and I have been on a ton of cruises and, while do other kinds of vacation trips as well, we really enjoy cruises and the places we’ve seen and the adventures we’ve had as a result. I know that it can seem overwhelming if you’ve not ever been on a cruise, so I thought this getting started cruising guide might be just the resource you’re looking for.

There are lots of choices, and a ton of adventure out there, just waiting for you. Hopefully you’ll find this information helpful as you set about planning your first (and subsequent) cruises), and you’ll come back and let me know how it went. If you have questions that I’ve not answered here, let me know in the comments, and I’m happy to help. Happy Cruising!

This post first appeared on the Middle Chicks Blog.

[bites-kms]

Chicago, that toddlin' town

I guess very deep inside I love it: I always end up visiting freezing places in December for a quick holiday before the actual big holidays. First it was Russia, then Finland, London and now Chicago. I must definitely have a fetich with the cold, because it’s really unbearable with -18C, and yet, here I am. 

Chicago is cold, yes. But it’s wonderful as well. I can’t wait to come back during summer time. If I find it gorgeous already, I can’t imagine then. Winter isn’t that bad either: all the beautiful places you want to go, see and know are actually empty, picture-perfect awaiting for you and your enjoyment. Some rooftops get cold very easily but, there are other closed ones, surrounded by glass, already ready to fight the winter back, gifting you a beautiful sight of Chicago lights within the comfort of AC. 

You breath and eat its culture. People are polite. The American flavor is present in every corner. It’s hard to describe a particular neighborhood or place; instead, you just have to wing it to discover it. If, as per my point of view, New York City is the heart of the US (at least on the East Coast), where the culture beat and rhythm is determined, Chicago must definitely be its lungs: the air is fresher, the city is cleaner, more tidy yet exciting, smaller but rich, more elegant and better taken care of, making sure the blood stream fluids hassle-free in this living being that is America. I mean, it’s called the Windy City for a reason!

A mix of Sydney, San Francisco, Singapore and Sweden (all of them with S - such a weird coincidence) with a dash of Toronto and Austin, this is a perfect merge of everything. What Yangon is to SEA, I believe Chicago is to North America’s East Coast.  

Downtown Chicago, The Loop & River North, the main stuff. 

Michigan St. is one of the city’s main arteries, it’s fully decorated, with its fancy boutiques, stores and hotels, charming the riverwalk and its surroundings. The sharp cold, the one that makes you feel like you are about to lose your fingers in any sudden bump or gentle touch, paints the city with a crisp white - still figuring out whether it actually came from my frozen watery eyes or the snow itself. Regardless, it’s indeed a charming Winter Wonderland.   

Arriving from O’hare to any part of town is quite easy thanks to the CTA. I went off on Washington stop and walked a few blocks reaching my friend Gabe’s house by New East Park. A compulsory stop at Millennium Park, with a visit to the wrongly named “bean” (it’s actually named Cloud), the Art Institute of Chicago - awarded the best Museum in the World by Trip Advisor until 2018 for four years in a row - is a must. But what is even more important is to try Chicago’s pizza emblem: the stuffed pizza pie at Giordano’s. It has multiple locations, -the original one being at River North- and its menu is full of the good stuff. We went to the one by the Bean instead, and be prepared: it’s a lot of food and it will take at least 45 mins to reach your table. So don’t get fooled, try to hold on and avoid ordering appetizers, don’t be like us, if not you’ll get super full before the main food star. It’s rich and full-filling, the doe is fantastic, it honors the actual “pie” name it stands for, the sauce is delicious and the stuffing reminded me of the pizza rellena my Nona used to make, although with a complete different taste (ours was way better, coz it had bacon, anchovies and eggs). 

After an evident food comma, be prepared to check out a wonderful sunset at London House, a hotel & rooftop bar strategically located on the intersection of Michigan St. and the Riverwalk, where you can be mesmerized by Chicago’s skyline. If you are visiting in winter, remember to drop by early (sunset in December happens approximately around 4:30pm), and if you are checking it out during summer nights, be ready for some music and fun until late. 

A great winter alternative is The Signature Room & Lounge - a closed yet wonderful restaurant, located on the 95th and 96th floor of one of Chicago’s tallest building. A reminiscence of  the Hyatt Hotel in Tokyo and a flashback to Charlotte’s wondering sights at the massive windows in Lost in Translation happens when you first face those monumental glasses, while being charmed by Chicago’s lights and movement. From 5 to 7 there’s a very convenient happy hour, so be mindful to check it out: Prosecco for me, Old Fashion for Gabe. Another incredible talk for our memories. 

Right next to it, you can find The Drake Hotel, now owned by Hilton, also known as the place where Al Capone lived here in Chicago. 

When it comes to dinner, man, you’re in a pickle! Chicago is known for its food scene and for a reason. It’s foodie’s heaven. Thankfully, talking with locals, residents and cross-checking with blogs and seasonal magazines, I can undoubtedly say that The Purple Pig is the place to go. Mediterranean cuisine with a twist, with a wonderful collection of wines and charcuterie. We shared three delicious dishes: whipped feta with honey and sweet heirloom tomatoes, butternut squash with peanut butter and adobo, to finally wrap it up with an exquisite Spanish grilled octopus with potatoes and pesto greens, which made us end up with no extra room for dessert - my friend Belu would be so disappointed on me. 

Right across the street, you can take some pictures at the Intercontinental Hotel, which hosts Michael Jordan Steakhouse (not a biggie, but it’s kind of funny that this legend, Mike 23, has a restaurant on his own). Wrap up your night with some blues. Walk down the area to find your favorite bar, hopefully one with no or little cover fee. We went to Blue Chicago ($10 bucks), grab a IPA Goose Island beer (the local brew) and enjoy some tunes. It was really amazing - I could listen to this music all day long. 

Up North: Old Town, Wicker Park & Longan Park, the cool stuff. 

Head up to Old Town, near Lincoln Park. Take the brown line (if you manage to activate your CTA card, it’s not an easy task if you don’t have a US phone number) and travel 4 long stops. This neighborhood holds St Michael’s Church, one of only seven buildings to survive the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. Start your tour over there, and check out the beautiful architecture that surrounds it. It’s an extremely weird merge of modern and old buildings and styles, with some very well preserved gems. Same happens downtown. I guess that after the fire, the city really focused on keeping its charm as untouched as possible. And damn they are doing a great of a job at it! 

Up there, one of the main roads - which is also a National highway - is North Wells Street (IL-64 Route, oh well hello New York’s BQE deja vu!) and check out Second City, an iconic Comedy Club and Theater in the US - thanks Juan for the tip!-. It started as a small cabaret theater nearly 60 years ago and has since become the world’s premier name in improv-based sketch comedy and education. Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Chris Farley, Tina Fey, Bill Murray and Mike Myers are just some of the name-dropping figures that appear as their alumni. 

Right in front of it, there’s Foxtrot Cafe, a wonderful and warm place where to have breakfast. It’s iconic spicy chicken biscuit is a must, and you can pair it with the coffee of your choice. Almond cap for me. After some needed calories to fight the -8C temperature, I headed east to Wicker Park. 

What a wonderful place. It’s dodgy, ruined down and hipster-looking. It is truly fantastic. The best of British’s Shoreditch with the untapped, gritted vibe of Brooklyn’s Bushwick or Flatbush, with the crazy look of Seattle’s Pike/Pine-Capitol’s Hill. This is where High Fidelity (2000s, John Cusack in a record store movie) was shot. Gentrification is the hype word you’ll hear, but still, Wicker Park remains a vibrant hub of culture and commerce in Chicago, riddled with boutiques, restaurants, cocktail bars, concerts venues and condos. It’s main area is located around the six corners of Milwaukee, North and Damen Avenues.

Starting from Milwaukee Ave. South, make a compulsory stop by Myopic Books, a nerdy paradise for all second-hand book fans. Continue your literally hunt down by Milwaukee Av and rejoice at Volume’s Book, get the warm hot cocoa you were craving for while writing your travel blog post about Chicago or read a new book instead. For a more funky venue, walk down a few more steps to find The Wormhole, Chicago’s most visited coffee shop. 

The Wormhole is a place very hard to define, so I will just say that is an '80s-themed rustic coffee shop, complete with a DeLorean, pouring locally roasted coffee. It’s a fun place with great music and even better wifi. It’s easily and strategically located before arriving to some of greatest stores by Milwaukee Ave. Make some time to check out all the fantastic the second hand, vintage and thrift shops like Kokoroko, Free People, & or if you prefer, stop by Reckless Records for some great music discounts.

Make yourself some time to check it by night as well, you can have fun at Emporium, the great arcade place or even have a drink or two at Davenport’s, the great piano bar and cabaret. 

The best place - and most iconic one - to have a cozy, all-time-classic lunch is Dove’s Lunchonette, inspired in old ‘60s and ‘70s Chicago’s soul and blues. It’s really fantastic. Becky (almost certain that was her name) is the great waitress that will recommend you all the goodness available in the menu and refill your coffee or tea, always with her laugh and great vibe. Make sure to appreciate the tunes and the environment, it’s a great memory from this city. A delicious poblano pepper filled with chicken and cheese, deep fried in delicious crumbles, topping a side of mexican rice with house, home-made spicy sauce. Yummy. 

Continue your exploration heading towards Logan Place, where more cool stores like tattoo parlors and skate stores are located. Don’t miss out on the street art scene and the 606, the Chicago’s Highline. Make a stop at the “Greetings from Chicago” mural and don’t hesitate to refuel at Colectivo Coffee, a great place where co-working and coffee brewery merges. 

Going West: Fulton Market, Greek Town and West Loop

This is THE place to eat. All of Chicago’s top restaurants are here, even the ones that have their venues by the riverwalk, they know they need to be here as well. We tried out luck at Au Cheval, named the best burger in America for a while, but it comes with a cost: an hour and a half waiting queue. Instead of getting our burger treat, with it’s typical knife on top, resembling some kind of conquest your stomach is about to achieve and colonize, we decided to give Green Street Smoked Meats a chance. This is one of Gabe’s favorite spots in Fulton Market, and it’s a nice and fancier Texas Smokehouse. Communal, big tables, great music and vibe, where to find delicious BBQ, even better brisket which we tried to tuned down with healthier sides such as yummy broccoli salad as well as the traditional pickle cabbage one, are there to ignite your night. 

The Green Door Tavern is an awesome tip my parents gave me. Apparently, it was vox populi back in the ‘20s that the establishments that had a green door, hosted a speakeasy inside and did not respect the prohibition rules of no-alcohol. So, let’s party like it’s 1921 and enjoy a drink or two in here! Once you enter, it just look like a regular, sports and antique bar, where memorabilia and Irish Pub look-and-feel rules the place. Yet, do not despair: head to the back, go down the stairs and before reaching the bathroom, try to listen to the music. A wall, a tricky one, hidden behind a books and ornaments shelf, you shall find Heaven’s door. A funky, old school, hour-o-clock-show bar, where to enjoy strong cocktails, and around the clock shows. Music, magic or, it’s signature event: burlesque. After choosing your drink from a very unique tarot-card-like menu, indulge yourself in the ‘20s era with the surprise show and the old-school videos played on the stage curtains. It’s a fantastic experience!

Visit the Hoxton hotel (always beautiful, never disappointing according to my experiences in Brooklyn, Paris and now Chicago) and head up to it’s rooftop restaurant Cabra - a Peruvian fusion delight. Great for brunch or lunch, we indulged on it’s sample menu and enjoyed some fresh guac and chips, a pulled pork belly sandwich, a tuna tiradito, goat empanadas and some delicious mango and chocolate dessert. It was a perfect Thursday food-comma. 

Before leaving Fulton Market, walk around and visit the brand new Time’s Out Market. Contrary to the Hoxton experience, Time’s Out is a great content platform with great venues around the world. Although, no market is as nice and as delicious as the Lisbon one. It was the first Time’s Out market they launched, and although I’ve visited some others like New York’s or Chicago’s, they do not manage to create the same vibe and atmosphere you can find in Lisbon. Chicago’s one is nice and you can find top names such as The Purple Pig and so on, but maybe you wanna give some of the surrounding restaurants a try before choosing Time’s Out Market. 

Wrap it up by Navy Pier & a bis on the Riverwalk 

While my stayed in the Windy City was coming to an end, I went to the Navy Pier for sunset to be wonder by the Michigan Lake and its view. We also walked down again the main road and visited The Protein Bar, a healthy venue were wraps and juices are top notch and you with your purchase you contribute to a local start-up. You can also check out a top view of the Bean and the Millennial park at Cindy’s, the rooftop of Chicago’s Athletic Association. Visit the Public Library and imagine yourself studying at the same booths or with the same texts Obama once did. Have a coffee by the Theater District at Goddess and the Baker. 

Head to Nonnina for some yummy Italian and even better service. We had some wine, pasta and salmon to celebrate my last night in the city. Call it a day by visiting another Varela’s Family recommendation and favorite: The Redhead Piano Bar. This energetic, fun and light-hearted venue is a fantastic spot where to drink your sorrows away, sing your heart out and laugh as hard as you can. The talented crew at the piano and mic will sing your requests for tips and will cheer and entertain your night with fine tunes, Chicago’s stories and public interaction that will certainly lift any night and place a unique bow on your unique Chicago Farewell. 

4 days in Chicago is not enough, specially if the cold forces you to be inside. I guess the same applies in summer: it wont be enough either due to the outdoor activities the city will offer.  Next time I will drive a little bit uptown heading to Superdawn, the traditional and well known Chicago sausage drive thru. I would also love to visit Manny’s Place, a traditional deli that’s been around for quite a while now, as well as to Kingston Mines, the traditional blues bar near Lincoln Park and Zoo -which we did actually go but too early for a show- as well as another fun and very hard to find ( I need to research a little bit more) tiki-bar speakeasy called three dots and a dash. Chicago, you’ve been awesome - I’ll be back!

[joe-dunphy]

A sad bit of honesty

The experience you're going to see portrayed on this blog probably doesn't exist anywhere, any more, and it almost certainly doesn't exist in the city of Chicago. One might say that it never really did in the first place, because what I'm giving is an idealized version of what existed in the good old days, just a few years ago. So recently departed, but so thoroughly dead, so maybe you shouldn't go looking for it? It's not there, at least not in the neighborhoods I've been in lately.

That observation might say more about the life I've been living that it does about the world. Money has been very tight, lately, tight enough that I hesitate to spend the money needed to board the El or the Metra Electric (a commuter line in Chicago), which has limited me to the neighborhoods I can easily reach on foot and has kept me out of Hyde Park (home to the University of Chicago) and Evanston (where Northwestern is located). While I could walk to either (and back), in either case I'd be walking for a few hours each way, and who has time for that? Lincoln Park and the DePaul campus are (sort of) close by, but as one can see by just looking at the class schedules, DePaul (while not a terrible school) just doesn't represent the sort of intellectual presence one would find at the U. of C or Northwestern. That I was ever able to find decent conversations in the coffeehouses I've mentioned in the past was a fluke.

The problem is a common one with open meeting places - since anybody can walk in, sooner or later, anybody does. The Burgeois Pig and Kopi in particular both had highly intellectual clienteles, with a lot of younger professionals and graduate students, for a long time, a surprisingly long time, and those clienteles attracted more of the same (for a while), but then we started getting the "characters." Like the fellow who parked himself at my table, after he found out what I was studying and what my background was, and decided to explain Physics, Engineering and Judaism to me at the same sitting. He was going to throw out a fisherman's net, catch the neutrinos as they flew by, and use them to drag his spaceship to the stars. There was no escaping this discussion.

There is no barrier to entry at a coffeehouse, other than the cost of the refreshments, so when the prevailing level of intelligence to be found in one greatly exceeds that of the surrounding community, and the surrounding community has such a thoroughly anti-intellectual culture that stupid people don't feel at all uncomfortable with the idea of dragging the discussion down to their own level, that difference in intellectual level becomes an unsustainable one in the long run. The crowd I went to these places to find dissipated, and instead of finding companionship, what I found was a selection of overpriced beverages, which I would slowly sip while trying to read and enjoy the ambience, which was fading away.

When I stopped really being a regular, the music being piped in (which we, as customers, were not allowed to mute) was no longer an eclectic, hand picked mix, softly played, but was simply whatever came up on Pandora. No effort was made to made in choosing that which was forced on us, it was just programmed music one could hear online. Where once I could meet artists who would show me the work they were doing, talk with my friends about the books we were reading, now I could sit with one of the few friends still showing up, our jaws gaping as we listened to somebody talk about her sex life in great, graphic and stomach turning detail, peppering her blow by blow account with a steady, stream of consciousness racial attack on the population of the neighborhood we were sitting in at that point. We weren't even sitting next to her. We could hear her for the same reason everybody else in the sidewalk cafe could hear her - because she was very loud. Attempts to reason with her, and ask her to just please hold her voice down so we could enjoy our meals in peace, got nothing out of her but a lot of attitude, and no help was to be had from the staff.

What some of us have come to see is that these "characters", these people who have no idea of how to behave, are valued by the staff members at these coffeehouses in a way that the writers, scholars, scientists and other intelligent, decent people they're driving off aren't - what the staff wants is the freak show. Maybe they think that's what keeps the tourists coming back, even though their coffeehouses were steadily getting emptier before we gave up on them, or maybe they just like being more tolerant than thou. We both were left with some uncomfortable thoughts about the people we had brought to that establishment in the past - older relatives, clients, faculty advisors - all people who could have ended up with a front row seat at the circus the coffeehouse was becoming.

Maybe, if tutoring picks up again, after the students discover that the low grade tutoring they're getting online is helping them get low grades, I'll have more money, and be able to spend time in better neighborhoods. Maybe, in two of those, I'll find that coffeehouse experience I miss is still there to be found, but I doubt it. Times do change, sometimes for the worse. One thing I've noted online is that reasonable people serve as a buffer between belligerent people, the latter turning on each other after the reasonable people leave, and those they leave behind find that they no longer have anybody that they can safely abuse. The old coffeehouse crowd had many horror stories about experiences in bars and why they wouldn't go back. What I'm thinking is that the bar crowd, having lost its more worthwhile members, turned on its remaining self, and now some of its more pointlessly aggressive members are looking for less threatening places to hang out, with the result that the bar culture is spilling out into places where people had gone to avoid it. Looking at the people I've been meeting in the near north side coffeehouses, that would seem to explain what I've been seeing, from abusive barristas who act like bartenders and keep talking about "bar drinks" to bizarre patrons, like the middle aged woman we saw pleasuring herself while talking to her imaginary friends upstairs. The same barristas who ejected the philosophy discussion group, finding it to be too much of a problem for some reason, had no problem with her.

If what we were getting was a mix of good and bad, if there were still interesting people to meet and decent conversations to be had, maybe some of us would overlook a lot of the strangeness, but that's all gone. Perhaps for the sake of their emotional safety, the people we see in those places these days have their heads buried in their laptops, talking to nobody, conversation of the non-psychotic variety seeming to have died shortly after Wifi showed up. Meanwhile, going into what used to be the room for discussion groups, we could find a collection of older men sitting around and planning the abduction and rape of college girls at some unspecified campus. The staff didn't have a problem with that, either. Classy. One might ask why we didn't call the police, but with the frequency we run into talk like that, there hardly seems to be any point. We can only hope that most of the talk is just that - talk. Otherwise, welcome to the Purge?

I wonder if I should see that movie. Would I find its commentary on modern society fascinating, or too much to take? No, eras end and the one I would have celebrated on this blog, had I started it much sooner, is almost certainly over. Where can one go to have the coffeehouse experience? I'm thinking, the home of a friend with a large living room. Forget about the local venues and roll your own. Making tea, coffee and conversation is not that difficult, and that living room can offer a more positive experience at a lower cost than the venues usually will. If we don't have those wonderful meeting places, any more, we still have our memories and our daydreams. Even if there are no good public venues left, we can pretend that we're at one, letting our imaginations take us to where our feet and cars no longer can. It's less than we should expect, but better than nothing.

That fantasy shall be the heart of this blog.

reading:  Les Misérables 

mood: melancholy