#at least not for the study department

[spookywriters]

Got let go suddenly from my miserable hell job today, but not TOO surprised that happened since I expected it. I'm not terribly concerned just yet since I have like...four interviews this week and now I'm extra free to attend them, so hopefully one of those leads somewhere soon.

I think for now, I sleep in, catch up on movies and in general do what I can with the severe burnout I'm dealing with rn cause MAN do I want to be able to draw things again haha.

[kaiserin-erzsebet]

I truly don't comprehend how someone can do doctoral research on something that they don't love with their whole heart.

But sometimes when submitting papers or abstracts feels like ripping my whole chest open, I envy detachment.

[lbhslefttiddie]

my teacher for weather and climate gave us a main textbook which is the one we reference and need to read throughout the course and then three EXTRA optional textbooks for supplemental learning, with varying levels of technicality for those interested, and in the links she provided every single one was available online for free (in the creative commons sense, not the piracy sense, since obv that could get a teacher in trouble) and i could kiss her on the mouth

[thebreakfastgenie]

Seeing James Baldwin as like "the guy from that gay web weave quote" on tumblr is so weird. I was assigned The Fire Next Time in my African-American history class in college. That's how I think of him.

[celiaelise]

Every so often I remember and get annoyed about how my liberal arts college was trying to push "math in the arts", but the professors from the departments didn't seem to want to talk each other? And, like, I was studying in both those departments. And I'd be like, "cool, my interests!" and go to the math department's special little lecture, and it'd be, like. A three hour presentation on linear perspective. And I feel like that happened multiple times? But my memory could be exaggerating, lol.

It's just irritating, cause the math people obviously couldn't be bothered to learn about the arts, but still wanted credit for crossing over into different subjects. Like, there's SO much math-inspired art!! There's often a lot of math that goes into making art! These subjects are not as discrete as they seem!!!

But also I'm probably just biased, cause I was raised by architects 😅 like, sorry, I thought we ALL grew up learning drafting basics... my bad...😬

[elegyofthemoon]

got my schedule!!!!!

IT IS INCOMPLETE !!!!!!!

[yuelun]

This young man displayed the true prowess of alchemy to all, bringing with him a massive corpus of wisdom that even the Sumeru Akademiya did not possess. "The universe is heaven reversed, and the earth is a dream lost to time. This is dust, the most basic form of complex life." As if to provide evidence for this claim, Albedo lifted the burnt ash of the flower that once grew atop a Dendro Slime's head. Seconds later, a Cecilia sprouted forth from the ash in his hand. "And this… is new birth." (Albedo: Character Story)

When I've been wrecking my brain over whether or not Genshin draws the correlation between dust and ashes, and I happen to look into Albedo because of his tie (we can... call it that) to alchemy, and even the art of Khemia specifically which is the much more ancient form of it, and there it is. Now excuse me as I go ramble in my tags a little incoherently...

[nothingkindafits]

I want to share my favorite story here.

I used to (unsuccessfully) study math at a university. Thing is, I got past several semesters, I got a few good skills there. My favorite one is perseverance.

Recently, I had to help a group of computer science students with a topic in their lecture "Logic". No problem I thought, I had a bit of logic in my studies myself.

I struggled there. I looked at the text. I didn't understand it. I went over it again and again, tried different sources for the topic. And at one point, I had the most incredible moment in my learning life. I thought "This is so frustrating. I love it".

Frustration is your brain not having made the connections needed to solve something. And I knew based on my own experience, that if I just keep at it, I will get it. I will solve it. I will understand it. New knowledge will be added to my brain, I will be smarter, and isn't that just incredible?!

And I kept at it. And I learned it. And I helped the students and it felt so so good.

Something I don't think we talk enough about in discussions surrounding AI is the loss of perseverance.

I have a friend who works in education and he told me about how he was working with a small group of HS students to develop a new school sports chant. This was a very daunting task for the group, in large part because many had learning disabilities related to reading and writing, so coming up with a catchy, hard-hitting, probably rhyming, poetry-esque piece of collaborative writing felt like something outside of their skill range. But it wasn't! I knew that, he knew that, and he worked damn hard to convince the kids of that too. Even if the end result was terrible (by someone else's standards), we knew they had it in them to complete the piece and feel super proud of their creation.

Fast-forward a few days and he reports back that yes they have a chant now... but it's 99% AI. It was made by Chat-GPT. Once the kids realized they could just ask the bot to do the hard thing for them - and do it "better" than they (supposedly) ever could - that's the only route they were willing to take. It was either use Chat-GPT or don't do it at all. And I was just so devastated to hear this because Jesus Christ, struggling is important. Of course most 14-18 year olds aren't going to see the merit of that, let alone understand why that process (attempting something new and challenging) is more valuable than the end result (a "good" chant), but as adults we all have a responsibility to coach them through that messy process. Except that's become damn near impossible with an Instantly Do The Thing app in everyone's pocket. Yes, AI is fucking awful because of plagiarism and misinformation and the environmental impact, but it's also keeping people - particularly young people - from developing perseverance. It's not just important that you learn to write your own stuff because of intellectual agency, but because writing is hard and it's crucial that you learn how to persevere through doing hard things.

Write a shitty poem. Write an essay where half the textual 'evidence' doesn't track. Write an awkward as fuck email with an equally embarrassing typo. Every time you do you're not just developing that particular skill, you're also learning that you did something badly and the world didn't end. You can get through things! You can get through challenging things! Not everything in life has to be perfect but you know what? You'll only improve at the challenging stuff if you do a whole lot of it badly first. The ability to say, "I didn't think I could do that but I did it anyway. It's not great, but I did it," is SO IMPORTANT for developing confidence across the board, not just in these specific tasks.

Idk I'm just really worried about kids having to grow up in a world where (for a variety of reasons beyond just AI) they're not given the chance to struggle through new and challenging things like we used to.

[dspdick]

hey chat does feeling betrayed over something my mother has absolutely no control over make me a bad daughter?

[dillydedalus]

german embassy in damascus reopened let's gooooooo bitch

[genderkoolaid]

Frustrated that people continued to consume so much alcohol even after it was banned, federal officials had decided to try a different kind of enforcement. They ordered the poisoning of industrial alcohols manufactured in the United States, products regularly stolen by bootleggers and resold as drinkable spirits. The idea was to scare people into giving up illicit drinking. Instead, by the time Prohibition ended in 1933, the federal poisoning program, by some estimates, had killed at least 10,000 people. [...] By mid-1927, the new denaturing formulas included some notable poisons—kerosene and brucine (a plant alkaloid closely related to strychnine), gasoline, benzene, cadmium, iodine, zinc, mercury salts, nicotine, ether, formaldehyde, chloroform, camphor, carbolic acid, quinine, and acetone. The Treasury Department also demanded more methyl alcohol be added—up to 10 percent of total product. It was the last that proved most deadly. The results were immediate, starting with that horrific holiday body count in the closing days of 1926. Public health officials responded with shock. “The government knows it is not stopping drinking by putting poison in alcohol,” New York City medical examiner Charles Norris said at a hastily organized press conference. “[Y]et it continues its poisoning processes, heedless of the fact that people determined to drink are daily absorbing that poison. Knowing this to be true, the United States government must be charged with the moral responsibility for the deaths that poisoned liquor causes, although it cannot be held legally responsible.” His department issued warnings to citizens, detailing the dangers in whiskey circulating in the city: “[P]ractically all the liquor that is sold in New York today is toxic,” read one 1928 alert. He publicized every death by alcohol poisoning. He assigned his toxicologist, Alexander Gettler, to analyze confiscated whiskey for poisons—that long list of toxic materials I cited came in part from studies done by the New York City medical examiner’s office. Norris also condemned the federal program for its disproportionate effect on the country’s poorest residents. Wealthy people, he pointed out, could afford the best whiskey available. Most of those sickened and dying were those “who cannot afford expensive protection and deal in low grade stuff.” And the numbers were not trivial. In 1926, in New York City, 1,200 were sickened by poisonous alcohol; 400 died. The following year, deaths climbed to 700. These numbers were repeated in cities around the country as public-health officials nationwide joined in the angry clamor. Furious anti-Prohibition legislators pushed for a halt in the use of lethal chemistry. “Only one possessing the instincts of a wild beast would desire to kill or make blind the man who takes a drink of liquor, even if he purchased it from one violating the Prohibition statutes,” proclaimed Sen. James Reed of Missouri.

This isn't particularly relevant to anything specific. I just wanted to remind everyone this is something the US government did.

[reasonsforhope]

"With Donald Trump set to take office after a fear-mongering campaign that reignited concerns about his desire to become a dictator, a reasonable question comes up: Can nonviolent struggle defeat a tyrant?

There are many great resources that answer this question, but the one that’s been on my mind lately is the Global Nonviolent Action Database, or GNAD, built by the Peace Studies department at Swarthmore College. Freely accessible to the public, this database — which launched under my direction in 2011 — contains over 1,400 cases of nonviolent struggle from over a hundred countries, with more cases continually being added by student researchers.  

At quick glance, the database details at least 40 cases of dictators who were overthrown by the use of nonviolent struggle, dating back to 1920. These cases — which include some of the largest nations in the world, spanning Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America — contradict the widespread assumption that a dictator can only be overcome by violence. What’s more, in each of these cases, the dictator had the desire to stay, and possessed violent means for defense. Ultimately, though, they just couldn’t overcome the power of mass nonviolent struggle.  

In a number of countries, the dictator had been embedded for years at the time they were pushed out. Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak, for example, had ruled for over 29 years. In the 1990s, citizens usually whispered his name for fear of reprisal. Mubarak legalized a “state of emergency,” which meant censorship, expanded police powers and limits on the news media. Later, he “loosened” his rule, putting only 10 times as many police as the number of protesters at each demonstration.  

The GNAD case study describes how Egyptians grew their democracy movement despite repression, and finally won in 2011. However, gaining a measure of freedom doesn’t guarantee keeping it. As Egypt has shown in the years since, continued vigilance is needed, as is pro-active campaigning to deepen the degree of freedom won.  

Some countries repeated the feat of nonviolently deposing a ruler: In Chile, the people nonviolently threw out a dictator in 1931 and then deposed a new dictator in 1988. South Koreans also did it twice, once in 1960 and again in 1987. (They also just stopped their current president from seizing dictatorial powers, but that’s not yet in the database.)  

In each case people had to act without knowing what the reprisals would be...

It’s striking that in many of the cases I looked at, the movement avoided merely symbolic marches and rallies and instead focused on tactics that impose a cost on the regime. As Donald Trump wrestles to bring the armed forces under his control, for example, I can imagine picketing army recruiting offices with signs, “Don’t join a dictator’s army.”  

Another important takeaway: Occasional actions that simply protest a particular policy or egregious action aren’t enough. They may relieve an individual’s conscience for a moment, but, ultimately, episodic actions, even large ones, don’t assert enough power. Over and over, the Global Nonviolent Action Database shows that positive results come from a series of escalating, connected actions called a campaign...

-via Waging Nonviolence, January 8, 2025. Article continues below.

East Germany’s peaceful revolution

When East Germans began their revolt against the German Democratic Republic in 1988, they knew that their dictatorship of 43 years was backed by the Soviet Union, which might stage a deadly invasion. They nevertheless acted for freedom, which they gained and kept.

Researcher Hanna King tells us that East Germans began their successful campaign in January 1988 by taking a traditional annual memorial march and turning it into a full-scale demonstration for human rights and democracy. They followed up by taking advantage of a weekly prayer for peace at a church in Leipzig to organize rallies and protests. Lutheran pastors helped protect the organizers from retaliation and groups in other cities began to stage their own “Monday night demonstrations.”  

The few hundred initial protesters quickly became 70,000, then 120,000, then 320,000, all participating in the weekly demonstrations. Organizers published a pamphlet outlining their vision for a unified German democracy and turned it into a petition. Prisoners of conscience began hunger strikes in solidarity.

By November 1988, a million people gathered in East Berlin, chanting, singing and waving banners calling for the dictatorship’s end. The government, hoping to ease the pressure, announced the opening of the border to West Germany. Citizens took sledgehammers to the hated Berlin Wall and broke it down. Political officials resigned to protest the continued rigidity of the ruling party and the party itself disintegrated. By March 1990 — a bit over two years after the campaign was launched — the first multi-party, democratic elections were held.

Students lead the way in Pakistan

In Pakistan, it was university students (rather than religious clerics) who launched the 1968-69 uprising that forced Ayub Khan out of office after his decade as a dictator. Case researcher Aileen Eisenberg tells us that the campaign later required multiple sectors of society to join together to achieve critical mass, especially workers. 

It was the students, though, who took the initiative — and the initial risks. In 1968, they declared that the government’s declaration of a “decade of development” was a fraud, protesting nonviolently in major cities. They sang and marched to their own song called “The Decade of Sadness.” 

Police opened fire on one of the demonstrations, killing several students. In reaction the movement expanded, in numbers and demands. Boycotts grew, with masses of people refusing to pay the bus and railway fares on the government-run transportation system. Industrial workers joined the movement and practiced encirclement of factories and mills. An escalation of government repression followed, including more killings. 

As the campaign expanded from urban to rural parts of Pakistan, the movement’s songs and political theater thrived. Khan responded with more violence, which intensified the determination among a critical mass of Pakistanis that it was time for him to go.

After months of growing direct action met by repressive violence, the army decided its own reputation was being degraded by their orders from the president, and they demanded his resignation. He complied and an election was scheduled for 1970 — the first since Pakistan’s independence in 1947.

Why use nonviolent struggle?

The campaigns in East Germany and Pakistan are typical of all 40 cases in their lack of a pacifist ideology, although some individuals active in the movements had that foundation. What the cases do seem to have in common is that the organizers saw the strategic value of nonviolent action, since they were up against an opponent likely to use violent repression. Their commitment to nonviolence would then rally the masses to their side. 

That encourages me. There’s hardly time in the U.S. during Trump’s regime to convert enough people to an ideological commitment to nonviolence, but there is time to persuade people of the strategic value of a nonviolent discipline. 

It’s striking that in many of the cases I looked at, the movement avoided merely symbolic marches and rallies and instead focused on tactics that impose a cost on the regime. As Donald Trump wrestles to bring the armed forces under his control, for example, I can imagine picketing army recruiting offices with signs, “Don’t join a dictator’s army.”  

Another important takeaway: Occasional actions that simply protest a particular policy or egregious action aren’t enough. They may relieve an individual’s conscience for a moment, but, ultimately, episodic actions, even large ones, don’t assert enough power. Over and over, the Global Nonviolent Action Database shows that positive results come from a series of escalating, connected actions called a campaign — the importance of which is also outlined in my book “How We Win.”  

As research seminar students at Swarthmore continue to wade through history finding new cases, they are digging up details on struggles that go beyond democracy. The 1,400 already-published cases include campaigns for furthering environmental justice, racial and economic justice, and more. They are a resource for tactical ideas and strategy considerations, encouraging us to remember that even long-established dictators have been stopped by the power of nonviolent campaigns.

-via Waging Nonviolence, January 8, 2025.

[injecticns]

i love the places screenwriting takes me because why else would i be searching for what the desert sounds like at night in the winter so i can put it into words

[screampied]

☆ cw. fem! reader, husband nanami, cunnīlingus, praise, dirty talk, fįngering, secret freak nanami, hair pulling, mdni.

nanami’s always a gentleman - especially whenever he’s between your legs.

he’s the kind of guy who never forgets his manners. at least, he tries not to. as he’s sprawling both of your plushy thighs apart with a single hand, he’s bringing tender kiss after kiss toward your skin. “may i?” he’d breathlessly murmur as the tip of his nose merely brushes itself down your sopping core. browned, droopy eyes with enlarged pupils that were practically heart-shaped openly leered between the arc of your legs. he’s watching - studying you, silently admiring how your chest heaves up and down after each gasping breath. you’re impatient, so impatient, and a smile creases against his lips once you give a wordless yet needy response of ‘mhm.’

“ah, ah. words, sweetheart. kindly use ‘em for me,” he clicks his tongue, and you let off a sweet, shrilling whimper at the immediate feeling of nanami delicately blowing against your cunt. the cool air that set between your legs from his lips had you arching upward with your toes shamelessly already curling.

fuck.

nanami brought the pad of his thumb near your throbbing opening that was practically drooling before he gave it a teasing kiss. a tiny, popping squelch sobs straight from your sopping pussy and you whined, pouting once nanami licked near your nub before abruptly departing. as his lips hungrily pursed—he glanced back up at you before tilting his head. “oh, i know she’s wet,” he hums, averting his eyes toward your soddened folds before peeking back up at you. “but don’t just let her speak for you. i wanna hear my pretty wet wife too.”

besides his manners, nanami also loved another thing while being between your legs - wearing his reading glasses.

and oh, he just loved the pretty ‘lil whimpers that would slide past your quivering lips as the cold, squared lens would press against your pussy. every time - you’d fog up his glasses while you were uncontrollably rutting your hips against his face.

once he hears that cute, defeated, “p- pleaseee,” leave from your pouty, glittery lips, that’s all it took for nanami to finally dig in.

again, nanami kento’s always a gentleman.

on the other hand, his mouth.. his tongue though? a little more on the dirty side.

constantly - he’s just so hungry.

his lips were so quick at how they just cupped ‘round your nub, and you hear the beginning, loud sucks that echoed through each wall. the first sucks were always the loudest, and you’re gnawing on words that desperately - direly tried to leave your raw throat. instead, though, they just sound inaudible and you’re just whimpering the same repeated cacophonies of ‘kentoooo’ — ‘hngh-’ — or ‘fuck’ ‘s.

as your legs tremor within his firm hold, nanami starts to lave his sticky, pink tongue back ‘n forth until he eventually pried out those adorable squeals from you. he presses his face into your cunt, groaning once your legs mindlessly lock around his neck. “f- fuuuck, ‘ken, keep licking there- oh, my go- hngh-” and with teary, half-open eyes you stared as he’s jerking his head from side to side.

he’s like an animal - feasting between your thighs so viciously to the point where he sometimes forgets to even breathe.

“pretty please kento,” he adds for you, delving his tongue further inside your puffed slit before it swirls in a hypnotic direction. it goes ‘round ‘n round before stretching its way near your g-spot. that earns a small ‘ooh!’ from you as you squeeze your eyes shut. nanami’s tastebuds forevermore salivated for you, and he looked right up at you - pulling his syrupy lips away before swiping his thumb across the crack of his blushed lips. “talk to me, sweetheart.”

“hah- pretty, pretty … pleaseee kento,” you drag your words, letting off a sweet content ‘ah’ once you feel the tangled knot in your stomach unravel. his tongue was so sloppy, curling every which way between your folds before popping right back out. nanami grumbles against your pussy with his blond brows furrowed. the glimmering sleek that strings down his chin sticks against your thighs like constant dripping honey.

you tasted far sweeter than honey though - at least, in nanami’s opinion.

nanami relaxes his jaw — hearing your impatient, wanton cries for more before he gives the center of your cunt its nth kiss. “thaaat’s right- pretty please,” his voice lowers as he praises you, pitching deeper and deeper until he feels your cute ‘lil pulse in his mouth. nanami continued to lie on his chest, pushing the beige bridge of his reading glasses back with the tip of his middle finger. “mhm, such a perfect view,” he purred hoarsely, bringing two thick fingers to slide their way inside of you. he’s staring at your pussy closely, his vision seemingly even more clear after each blink.

within seconds, both digits end up disappearing, and internally, your tummy dips oh-so cutely. his fingers were stubby ‘n thick, making your toes curl even more as every minuscule inch prods into your wet core. as nanami’s tongue kept flicking against your sobbing slit, you’re letting off whine after whine. “heh.. this is probably my favorite chapter,” and as he speaks, your slick continued to fog up both lens of his glasses. “but ah- every great story comes to an end and you’re just about at your climax, right honey?”

“ ‘ken, kentooo-” you’d squeal, each babble of his name turning more breathless. your mind felt like it was just turning into mush. his tongue swirled its way around the spongy textures of your cunt as you felt both of his lengthy fingers pummel their way inside of you. by this point, it felt like you were just about to sink into the mattress.

you felt like you were being pulled in — he’s still maintaining a grip on one of your thighs, but fuck.

“ ‘m gonna … cum,” and as you spoke those long, awaited words, nanami meets your gaze. even a few glimpses of him between your thighs were enough to make you pulse at a rapid speed. his slick hair - it’s usually so well kept and neat or handsomely parted. now, it’s ruffled with blond strands sticking against his forehead with the help of his sweat. a hand of yours finds its way through his hair, roughly yanking near his soft roots. your eager tug at his hair was so hard that his nose is just tickling against your clit.

you felt a smile stretch across his lips as he’s still relishing in your fervor. you were right there … right fuckin’ there and at the brink of your very edge. from head to toe, your body felt like it was on fire - just sizzling with anticipation at a scorching temperature of a hundred degrees.

“c’mon then, sweetheart,” he throatily rasps, wetly pulling his twinned digits from your pussy. from top to bottom, you coated his fingers with your slick that had such a carnal-like shine to it. as his ruby, swollen lips kept latching against your folds, he grumbled at the arising friction in his slacks. “make a mess in my mouth, go on, pretty- give it t’ me please.”

“cum- ‘m cumming!” you’d shriek, chewing each high-pitched vowel and syllable that mewled from your lips. the pool that stirred into the inner depths of your stomach was finally at its peak. you slouch back in jubilant pleasure, loosening your grip on his fleecy strands as his tongue nibbles against your convulsing bud. your body’s just one single word - hot, and you felt like you’d just exploded right then and there. all nerves in your body violently erupt as you’re riding out your orgasm on his tongue with wobbly, numb legs.

the patterns of your breathing slowed significantly, and nanami whispered out husky, ‘thank you’ ‘s as his lips were trying to shower your dripping cunt with appreciation kisses. it’s almost sweet, in a racy way. the once steady beat of your heart felt like it was preparing to pound straight out of your chest, and you flopped your head back against the fluffed pillow that lay underneath you. nanami brings a hand toward your pussy, giving it a soft, praising pat.

your essence sloppily paints all against his palm and he flashes you a sheepish, pussy-drunk grin. “mhm, thank you, sweet girl,” and you honestly didn’t even know what he was thanking you for. ‘till the very end, nanami never forgot his manners, including at the moments where you’ve just drenched his entire face from nose to chin with your treacly slick. “and, hah- thank you,” his bleary, downcast eyes dart towards your slobbering pussy. from the hood of your clit to the very opening near the bottom, you’re soaked - cascading a pretty, wet stream of your shimmery wetness.

with a sticky ‘mwah,’ — nanami gives the center of your pussy its final concluding kiss, still hearing your shallow breaths from above as you’re trying to get over your overwhelming high. everything felt like it was spinning in circles, and the cold, glassy lens of nanami’s glasses pressing against your folds snapped you straight back into lewd reality. “think i’ll rate this book, five stars.”

and as you let off a surprised moan once he’s suddenly turning you over to lie on your back, you heard the familiar ‘zip’ of nanami’s slacks. breathily, he pants as he grinds his angry bulge against your bare cunt, sucking his teeth as you instinctively arched for him.

“fuck… sweetheart. think it’s time for the epilogue. now bend just a liiiittle more for kento, atta girl.”

[fangirlingpuggle]

A very very dumb Apothecary diaries AU where Lakan checks in on Fengxian before he leaves finds out she's pregnant. She can't go with him or marry him yet but instead while he goes abroad to study she stays with Luomen helping him set up pharmacy after he's cast out from his family.

She and Lakan stay in regular contact through letters, both of them gushing over letters only for someone top look over their shoulders and see letter is only a move in go They're playing long distance each letter is just the next move. At least until Maomao is born the Fengxian includes scribble drawings Maomao does or hand prints...Lakan office and room are full all walls covered in them.

The two reunite and although they live with La clan and Lakan gets headship but they still visit Luoman and the visit Verdigris house (Madame still hastes Lakan but they send good business recommending them to high ranking officials). So Maomao still has her big sisters and still learns about medicine and poison from Luomen.

She still tests on herself , Lakan freaks out but Fengxian trusts her daughter just makes sure they have plenty of antivenom and antidotes ( Basically every room in the LA family state has an emergency draw for if Maomao has had poison again)

Maomao doesn't get kidnapped, she ends up in rear palace because consort Ah-Dou she can see that Lishu is struggling she can't intervene or protect her within her own court so she contacts Fenxian who she's met at functions other the years.

Ah-Dou- Fengxian you have a daughter correct. Is she as terrifying as you?

Fenxian: Of course

Ah-Dou: May I please request a favor?

Maomao enters Lishu's court not as a noble but as a lady in waiting (and the food tester, it's how she agreed to it)

Maomao: Do I really need to go into court I want to make medicine

Fengxian: You will be testing food for poison

Maomao:....deal

She of course see's the bullying in the court and instantly Nopes, she does totally overhaul terrifying Lishu's ladies in waiting and getting rid of them, she spends time around other servants and ends up recruiting other servants as new ladies in waiting ones who will actually care for and protect Lishu. Full big sister Maomao mode with Lishu.

She keeps an eye on other departments dressing as a maid while moving around to avoid suspicion and still see's the confrontation between Gyokuyo and Lishu and sends the messages with torn dress (She didn't get chance to change and couldn't go into their pavilions in her lady in waiting clothes)

She gets dragged in the room with other maids also, she kinda gets stuck and pulled in and meets Gyokuyo having to admit so sorry can't be your lady in waiting already Lishu's. Jinshi suddenly puts together about the totally change in ladies in waiting and promotion of other servants. Jinshi is very curious but Maomao is able to divert attention.

Gyokuyo still wants to see Maomao and so she moves between both her and Lishu and gets Lishu to spend more time with Gyokuyo the two getting along well.

She also helps Lihua as before and then she is basically going between 3 of them and the 3 consorts spend time together... Lihua and Gyokuyo figure out who Moamao is but they're not saying they want to keep Maomao around and also they are all shipping Jinmao and enjoying watching this soap opera.

The banquet happens but Maomao is of course Lishu's food tester not Gyokuyo's but none of the old ladies in waiting are there to bully Lishu and swap bowls so Moamao still gets poison. (She 100% tried to get to test food for all 3 consorts ... they didn't let her)

Lakan still trolls Jinshi because he's seen letters Ah-Dou and others sent Fengxian keeping her updated and is suspicious about Jinshi and his precious daughter. (Fengxian and Jinshi are planning the wedding already)

When Maomao is still dismissed after the poisoning is revealed and Jinshi is super upset and sulky until fancy banquet and high ranking personnel and then sees Maomao again as daughter of head of La clan...

Maomao: I suppose you are upset than I hide my identity

Jinshi:...

Jinshi:Yes very upset (he says hypothetically ignoring looks he is getting form the emperor and Gaoshun)

She still comes back to rear place (The consorts missed her so much... plus they have a betting pool... a lot of people are in it Fengxian has a board plotting moves so the 2 get together when she's bet...while Lakan is pouting in corner that no one deserves their baby girl)

(Light Novel spoilers

Lahan is raised as Maomao's brother and adores his sister, the two are chaos gremlins her making medicines and him plotting how to self and market them

He is also adored by Verdegris house the beloved little brother... also everyone is pretty sure he and Maomao are twins they know there was only 1 baby but... they're sure the 2 are siblings.

The madame also adores him both coming up with schemes for money and he happily does the accounting when they visit (they're sure he's her favorite)

When Jinshi sees them together before knowing they're related he thinks the 2 might be a couple, Gaoshun is face palming and despairing while the courtesans are losing it laughing)

[a-simple-journey]

Tired

Tomorrow morning is my master's thesis dissertation.

Is it normal to feel like you know nothing? Is it the imposter's syndrome talking?

I mean, I technically know my topic, but I'm so exhausted I feel like my brain is on strike recently.

Also, found some format mistakes after the submission and I'm a little dying inside #perfectionistdetected still the mistakes are so embarassing and stupid

I did well in the last short presentation in May. I actually ENJOYED it. The only difference is that this one is longer and without a PPT and with more pressure and anxiety and in front of actual EXPERTS and on it depend like my entire future life plans

Thinks I am certain about:

I will get my master's

I will get a general good grade (I already have a 9.5/10 average and regardless of the thesis' assessment it won't change much)

Things I am not certain about:

My thesis grade (hopefully more than a 7, maybe an 8 or hopefully a 9, but a 10 is not likely to happen)

Whether that thesis is enough for a PhD scholarship (the financial plan I need to leave my country for a longer period of time, maybe permanently)

Whether I'm strong enough for a PhD (because, let's face it, I am good at learning but imposter syndrome and perfectionism are affecting my results and peace A LOT)

Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to say 'I survived'.

Any tips on academic life?

(And any tips on trusting God and your supposed talents, which I'm sure I have but am still unsure of how to use?)