#at least my parents understand headphones

[hydrobunny]

'cause he really knows me (so call it what you want)

tags: hurt/comfort, established relationship, argument?, happy ending! 1.1k words

a/n: slightly different style than my previous stuff but it's been a while. fic based on call it what you want.

nagi seishiro isn’t known for being a very public persona.

it’s usually reo who takes that crown; the heir isn’t afraid of posting whatever he has on his mind. his best friend, on the other hand, might as well as not exist for all the presence he has on social media.

you close out of nagi’s blank profile with a sigh.

the teen in question is barely three feet in front of you, headset glued over his ears as some fast-paced first person shooter game blazes on. as if he could hear the sigh, nagi turns around immediately.

“you good?” he asks, dark eyes flicking over your form in scrutiny.

you give him a smile. “fine.”

after a pause, he turns the chair back around, muttering some apology into the headset.

with another exhale, you roll over onto your back, staring up at the ceiling. sometimes you wondered if nagi was purposely ignoring you when you were over, or he was actually just that dense.

for god’s sake, you were in his bed. you had been in it for at least two hours, and he had been on the game for probably three.

you eye the back of his head again. all that time on his computer was going to give him a headphone dent soon enough. hell, if you squinted, you could already see it forming.

in one smooth motion, you roll over once again to step off the bed. “bathroom,” you say, not sure why you’re even bothering.

compared to his LED lit bedroom, the rest of nagi’s household is bright, with large windows littering almost every wall. the afternoon sunset peeks in through slightly closed window blinds, you breeze through the hallway, avoiding making any noise.

you’re not really sure where his parents go all the time. you saw them once, for a slightly awkward dinner, and then never again. either way, he doesn’t seem to mind, so you don’t press the issue. you’re pretty sure he’s spent more time with reo than them anyway.

(deep inside, you wonder if it bothers him. you think it might bother you.)

as you enter the bathroom, you realize that you didn’t even need to go.

so why are you here?

you stare at your reflection through the large mirror, eyes tracing the shape of your facial features slowly. is there a particular reason nagi finds better company in the form of online games? does something not fit his many likes?

you find your hand steadily approaching your mouth, and actively push it down. it’s taken you long enough to stop your anxious habit of biting your nails down to the quick, and you’re not excited to start that again.

instead, you go for something safer: turning on the sink and absolutely dousing your face. the coldness helps ground you, helps you realize that you probably should take the hint and just leave.

your phone’s in your hand before you realize, some dark emotion taking over to write a message to your boyfriend.

going home. ill text you tomorrow.

you’ve made a decision. and honestly, you think nagi’s made one too. you doubt he’ll even see this message- or even notice you’re gone- for at least an hour.

it still takes you two minutes to leave the bathroom.

the sound of your steps almost echoes in the large house. your vision blurs with every beat of your heart, and you know that you’re simply being stupid.

crying did not act as a viable solution. crying fixed none of your problems.

your fingers clasp over the door handle-

and there is a hand on your shoulder, bringing you to an abrupt stop.

“hey,” nagi’s familiar voice says. “why are you leaving?”

you turn. and you can spot the exact moment nagi realizes you are crying. his usually tired eyes widen to an extreme, then he’s stepping backward, taking you with him.

“y/n, what's wrong?” he asks. “did something happen?”

so the sobs start coming faster, for you realize he still doesn't understand- he pulls you into his embrace, and your cries become muffled by his soft hoodie. you can tell he’s trying to awkwardly console you from the rhythmic pats on the back.

when you finally manage to get out your words, he immediately freezes.

“sei- sei, it’s you.”

nagi gently pulls you away from his chest. he stares down at you with uncomprehending eyes, still so heartbreakingly concerned.

“it's me?”

those two words get your own tirade flowing.

“i don’t know if you know me anymore. i don't know if you still want me anymore,” you inhale, guttural. “i look at us and wonder if you would notice if i wasn't there. i look at us and don’t even see a couple. i- i think you might be better if i wasn’t here.”

there’s a beat of silence. he swallows.

“i would.” he says softly.

you meet his gaze.

“i would notice if you were gone.” nagi continues. you think he’s never been more ready to talk in his entire life. “y/n, i would notice- i can’t stop noticing you.”

“i don’t say it enough. i know. but i also know that you’ve changed your perfume lately. i know that you’ve been feeding the stray cat in your neighborhood. that you’ve been thinking about going to the beach. that you want another ear piercing. that you’ve started another save in my game.”

you blink rapidly.

“i know i don't sometimes act like it. but i’m listening, y/n. and i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i don’t tell you i love you. because i do. i love you.”

your mouth is hanging open, all tears stopped from sheer surprise. nagi stares at you, gaze searching.

you nod. it’s all he needs.

and so his entire body relaxes into you, and it’s just ironic enough to get you laughing. (and crying, again.)

“i love you too,” you manage out. “i love you too- and i’m sorry i made you leave your game, and i named the cat melon, and-”

nagi snorts into your shoulder.

there’s no more words to be said after that. you're both too busy laughing at each other, hands tangling in the other's hair.

it probably seemed a little strange to other people, having a boyfriend that didn't act like he was a boyfriend to the online world. one that didn't seem to mind long silences. maybe it did bother you, in the smallest sense there was.

but honestly, in moments like these, you were willing to let it go.

because in this moment, seishiro nagi was your boyfriend/lover/something. it didn't matter that he didn’t shout it from the rooptops, didn't matter that no one could put a label on it.

he was here. and he saw you. and that was all you needed.

[marksmelodies]

forever only

idol eric x fem reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex, unprotected sex, lots of kissing

note: if you haven’t watched eric’s LA vlog on theboyz youtube channel you definitely should before reading this since it’s heavily based on that!

minors dni

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walking out of your apartment in los angeles you head to your favorite cafe down the street, walking through the door hearing the bell chime as you enter, you order your coffee and sit at a table finishing up some work for college. fall semester just started and it was always the most stressful but this time around you didn’t sign up for many classes making the workload a lot easier to handle

you could finally focus on dance a little more which is your passion ever since you could walk your parents put you in dance and you absolutely flourished. now a college student you spend most of your time teaching dance classes, mostly hip hop because that was more of your style

as you work on your computer with your headphones on you hear a text message notification go off, ignoring it you continue with your work, until it goes off again, you check your phone to see a message from an unknown number

unknown #: hey y/n, it’s been a long time, i hope you’re doing well! i just wanted to let you know that i will be in LA for a few days this week with my group, if you aren’t busy tomorrow, i’m having a get together with miles at my place to meet my members you should come too

unknown #: oh this is eric by the way

your heart immediately drops as a state of nausea washes over your body “ god damn it miles” you cuss under your breath as you call him

“ yo what’s up” he answers the phone

“ you’ve got to be kidding me” you sigh

“ what’s wrong with you?” he asks

“ what’s wrong with me? oh i don’t know maybe what’s wrong with me is i just got a text from eric.. eric sohn” you whisper yell over the phone as you exit the cafe to get some fresh air

“ oh yeah i gave him your number” he laughs

“ why, why would you do that” you yell

“ he asked about you, he wants to see you again y/n” miles sighs

“ i don’t understand why you would give him my phone number after the whole reason why i got a new one was to avoid him”

“ listen y/n it’s been years, don’t you think it’s time to see him again, he asks about you all the time and i’m tired of making up excuses to why you avoid him, he hasn’t been back to los angeles since he left freshman year and the first thing he asked me is if he can possibly see you again while he’s here” miles says

you feel the tears begin to pull from your eyes

“ it’s just really hard for me miles, you don’t think i want to see him too? i want nothing more than to see him again, to see how far he’s come, but i don’t know if my heart is ready for that”

“ i know, but it’s been years maybe it’s time to truly move on and hopefully seeing him can give you enough closure to do so” he says

“ yeah maybe your right” a long pause comes from you before you speak again

“ i’ll go tomorrow” you say

“ good, i’m glad to hear that, everything will be okay i promise” he says, after hanging up the phone you walk back into the cafe packing up your stuff and heading back home,as you sit on the bed looking at the message eric sent you finally get the courage to respond

“ sounds great i’ll be there” you text back before shutting your phone off

you and eric met in middle school, he was popular due to his talent in baseball, all the girls obsessed over him, not you though at least not at first,you had biology class together and eventually got assigned to do a project with one another, after that you two became inseparable, eric introduced you to your now best friend miles and the three of you became the friend group that everyone wanted to be apart of

as time went on you started to have a little crush on eric, that crush only got bigger and bigger as you two got older, eric felt the same way about you, although eric had been in total awe the second he laid his eyes on you for the first time, the more he got to know you the more he fell in love, the summer going into your eighth grade year eric confessed his feelings to you and you confessed back

your relationship with eric was very lighthearted, a simple middle school fling, acting the same way towards eachother as you did when you were just friends maybe with the benefit of hand holding but that was it, to everyone’s surprise you both made it over a year which was super long for a middle school relationship, but you and eric were truly in love and a lot of people underestimated your feelings for each other

you remember the day that eric told you he was leaving to move to korea to pursue his dreams , you were heartbroken but being the supportive person you were you didn’t let him see how sad you were about it, you gave him all the best wishes and the two of you split up on good terms, you both knew it was impossible to continue this relationship when you would be across the world from each other

that wasn’t the last time you saw eric though, once you became a senior in high school you and your dance team got invited to a dance workshop in seoul south korea, of course the universe just had to mess with you because during your trip you ran into him while visiting the han river late one night, one thing led to another and you ended up hooking up with him that night.. and the next morning…in full retrospect the intimate moments you shared with him during that trip was amazing but after you left it made you feel like shit, you kept in contact with eachother for a few months after you saw him but eventually the text messages became less frequent and then just stopped all together, it was your own fault letting him break your heart for the second time, you got your own hopes up, you couldn’t blame him for his inconsistency, you saw how busy his life had become, how hard he worked everyday without a break.

but selfishly you wished sometimes that he would have stayed in LA, become a college student like yourself and the two of you could be together again, maybe even be on the road to getting married and building a life together, you knew that was never in the cards for him, he was meant to be an idol there was no doubt about it but every so often you find yourself thinking about an alternate reality, one where the two of you could be together for good

that night was rough on you, tossing and turning over all the possibilities that could come out of the events of tomorrow, being honest with yourself you don’t even know how you’re going to look him in the eyes without falling in love with him all over again. as if you got over him in the first place, which newsflash.. you never did

waking up in the morning was hard, your alarm blared in your ears as you crawled out of bed. you spent most of the day mentally preparing yourself to see eric again, miles had arrived not too long ago as you were getting yourself ready

“ does this look too slutty” you say doing a turn in your bikini for your best friend

“ no you look good, hurry up though we’re going to be late” he says. quickly throwing on a minidress as a coverup you both leave your place as you head over to eric’s house

“ are you nervous” miles asks noticing your leg shaking up and down as you sit in the passenger seat

“ yeah i am, i feel like im going to throw up everywhere” you respond, finally pulling up to eric’s place you can hear the music playing and some faint yelling coming from the pool

getting out of the car you walk through the back gates to the pool area, standing behind miles trying to shield yourself from the sight of eric. that didn’t work “ miles, y/n, over here” eric waved the two of you down

walking over to the big canopy and a large table filled with a ton of korean dishes you finally stand there in front of eric for the first time in a long time, eric walks up to miles dabbing him up and then turning to you, he smiles at you pulling you into a hug “ im glad you made it y/n it means a lot that you’re here” he says

his familiar scent fills your nostrils causing you to gain a wave of nostalgia, pulling away you flash a tight lipped smile at him. “ guys this is my best friend miles and this is my friend y/n” eric says hesitating on the word friend, his members all smile and wave as you both do the same back

you sit next to miles during dinner, thankfully eric is across the table filming a vlog for the groups youtube channel, once dinner was finished everyone decided to go swimming

setting your stuff down on a chair you begin to take your dress off leaving you in nothing but a tiny bikini, you felt eyes on you, turning around eric’s eyes met yours before he turned away quickly trying not to make it obvious that he was staring at you

“ hey” eric walks up to you “ hey” you respond back looking to the ground “ im sorry if it’s awkward seeing me again” he says itching the back of his neck

“ no it’s fine it’s not awkward” you say completely lying. “ i missed having you around you know” eric says looking into your eyes “ yeah i missed you too” you say as you feel your heart beating out of your chest

he looked so good with nothing but his swim trunks on, his toned upper body out for display. “ let’s go in the pool yeah?” he asks

“ yeah i just have to put my hair up” you say to him as he gives you a look

“ you never changed have you” he laughs “ you’re going to get your hair wet regardless” he rolls his eyes at you

“ fine whatever” you say leaving your hair down

you walk with him to the deep end of the pool, everyone is already in but the two of you, “okay let’s jump in together on the count of three ready..one.. two… three..” eric counts, you had planned to pretend to jump in that way eric would have been the only one to actually jump but eric had the same idea as you

you both laugh as eric approaches you “ no eric don’t” you yell before he pushes you into the pool

quickly swimming up to the surface of the water you put your hand out to eric “ what the hell eric, at least help me out” you yell as eric grabs your hand. before he could pull you up you yank your arm back pulling him into the water with you

“ i should’ve saw that coming” he says laughing

“ i can’t believe you fell for that” you laugh

joining the others in a game of water spikeball miles makes eye contact with you smirking as you and eric continuously flirt with each other

“ that was a point” you yell to eric

“no it wasn’t” he yells back

“ yes it was” you splash water on him, he walks closer to you splashing you back before picking you up, eric lifts you up throwing you into the water, he swims over to you as you splash water in his face one last time “ that was mean” you say to him

he tucks a strand of lose hair behind your ear “so pretty” he whispers, the two of you now inches away from each other, you wanted nothing more than to kiss him right then and there but before anything could happen one of eric’s members yells for him to come join in the game again

eventually you get out of the pool, feeling tired from the continuous swim races that eric challenged you to even though you beat him every time. eric approached you sitting on one of the chairs “ come back in” he whines

“ no i’m tired of swimming” you say looking up at him “please y/n i’ll carry you” he says. you nod your head yes, knowing you could never say no to him “ sure” you say walking to the steps of the pool

all the guys had gotten out and were now inside the house talking to eachother, leaving just you and eric alone together in the pool. it had gotten dark, the sun was long gone, the pool light shined as you swam over to eric wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, he looks down at you smiling as he places one of his arms around your waist and the other on your ass to hold you up, you knew it was wrong, you knew that you shouldn’t be doing this but when it came to eric all of your sense left your brain and you begin to think with your heart instead

you lay your head on his shoulder as he carries you to the deep end sitting down on the ledge “ i meant what i said earlier, i really missed you pretty girl” eric whispers

“ i meant when i said i missed you too” you say lightly kissing the side of his neck. he rubs his hand up and down your back as the other rubs your thigh, taking your head off of his shoulder looking up at him, both of your eyes locking , you feel butterflies in your stomach as eric moves closer and closer until finally his lips are on yours

the kiss was passionate, you both had been waiting for this moment for a long time, he moves in closer holding the side of your face as one of your hand reaches into his hair while the other is pressed against his chest, you softly moan into the kiss as eric moves your bottoms to the side before entering his finger into your pussy without breaking the kiss

“ fuck eric” you moan noticing his eyes are now darker than they were before “ you’re so tight baby, when’s the last time you had sex” he asks kissing your neck “ the last time was with you” you say looking at him, eric smiles at the thought of no one else fucking you but him

he enters another finger into you causing you to moan loudly before eric covers your mouth with his other hand “ shh babygirl they can still hear you over the music, you don’t want anyone to hear us do you?” he says as he fucks you with his fingers “ fuck eric i’m gonna cum” you whine, he stops thrusting his fingers in you “ fuck yourself on my fingers baby” he says kissing your head, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten as you ride his fingers “ cum for me love” eric says, you throw your head back letting yourself ride out your climax releasing onto his fingers, you moan as your body begins to shake “ good girl” eric kisses your lips once again before letting you catch your breath as he fixes your bathing suit

getting out of the pool you notice eric’s dick poking out of his pants “ i feel bad let me help you” you say as he looks down at you “ i’ll be okay for now, i think somone will come looking for us if we’re out here any longer” he chuckles palming his boner

the sliding glass door opens “ hey we’re going start up a game of football if you wanna join” miles says poking his out of the door “ okay we’ll be right there” eric responds drying himself off as you do the same

sitting in the grass you watch majority of the guys play football, kevin and jacob walk up next to you as you invite them to sit down “ im finally meeting the girl eric won’t ever shut up about” kevin says looking to you

“ really he talks about me?” you ask

“ literally all the time” jacob responds

it goes quiet for a moment before kevin speaks again “ the two of you have chemistry you know?” he says. “ yeah we all could sense it the moment you got here” jacob adds

you sigh “ yeah that’s how it is with eric and i, no matter how long we go without talking to each other the moment we’re together we act as if we’re magnets constantly gravitating towards one another”

“ i haven’t seen eric this happy in a while” jacob states

“ yeah i’ve never seen him so in love” kevin says

“ you think he’s still in love with me?” you ask

“ oh we know he’s still in love with you” they both reassure you

“ i never stopped loving him you know, i did everything to avoid him, to stop thinking about him and look where it led me” you laugh looking over at eric who was running with the football in his hands

“ i think you should tell him that, he’s been beating himself up a lot about still being hooked on you all these years later” jacob says quickly stopping the conversation as eric approaches you

he sits down next to you pulling you into a hug “ ew eric get off of me your all sweaty” you yell pushing him off of you as he laughs hysterically, kevin and jacob smile at the sight of you both as you get up running away from eric as he tries to wipe his sweat on you. eventually capturing you in his arms eric throws you over his shoulder as you kick and scream pleading him to let you down

you are now all in front of the big tv everyone spread across the living room watching a horror movie, eric laid behind you on the couch as his arms wrapped around your waist, legs tangled together, at this point everyone had caught on that you and eric weren’t just “friends” miles smiles at the two of you cuddled on the couch. throughout the movie you and eric scream every so often hugging eachother tightly, everyone laughing at how scared you two are. as the move comes to an end eric moves closer to your face “ spend the night” eric whispers into your ear, “ okay” you say turning around placing a soft kiss to his lips

everyone except eric says goodbye to you and miles before leaving to go back to their hotel “ you ready to head out” miles asks you, you look at him before speaking “ um actually i think im gonna spend the night here with eric” you say to him, he lets out a big sigh before speaking again “ you know what’s going to happen if you do that right?” he asks as you nod your head yes

“ are you okay with having sex with him and then being thousands of miles away from each other again when he leaves, look i’m not going to tell you what to do with your life but this is exactly what happened last time” miles says

“ i don’t know what to tell you miles, im in love with him, im going to have alot more regret if i don’t spend every minute that i can with him before he leaves” you tell him. he pulls you into a hug “ you know i just care about you” he says before walking over to say his goodbyes to eric

“ i need to shower i feel gross” you say as he laughs bringing you up to his room, you and eric both shower together, it wasn’t in a sexual way but more of a romantic moment between to two of you, his hands roam your body as he washes your hair giving you kisses here and there as you do the same to him

as the two of you get out and dry off you feel eric’s naked body hug you from behind, his hard cock poking your back while he kisses your neck as you watch him in the mirror, feeling the warmth between your legs you can tell you’re getting wet for him “ i need you” you moan

that was all he needed to hear before picking you up and throwing you on the bed, leaning over you he hooks his mouth to one of your boobs while playing with the other, leaving open mouth kisses to your body, you trace his abs as you look into his eyes letting him know that you’re growing impatient, eric chuckles before kissing your lips, after spreading your legs eric drags his tip over your clit a few times causing you to whimper before lining his cock up with you as he slowly sides himself into your hole

“ oh my god eric” you choke out, as he stays still for a moment letting you get used to his size “ you’re so tight love” he says before slowly thrusting into you “ faster” you moan clawing at his back, eric brings one hand up to your neck while the other one grips your waist as he rams himself into you“ fuck baby you’re so wet for me” he grunts

turning you over leaving you on all fours arching your back for him, he grabs a handful of your hair before ramming into you once again causing you to scream when he hits your g spot “ you’re taking me so well babygirl, i’m so proud of you” he says as grab onto the sheets tears streaming down your face“ i’m coming” you moan as you squeeze around him, your hips shake repeatedly hinting that you had finished, “ good girl” he says flipping you around again once again placing your legs in his shoulders as he chases his own high, squeezing around him once again his thrusts become sloppy and rushed as he whimpers “ shit i’m coming” he says looking to you “ oh fuckkkk” he says moaning as you feel warm strings of him cum shoot into you, he stays inside of you as he wipes away your tears giving you multiple pecks on the lips “ you did so well for me baby, made me feel so good” he says pulling out of you watching his cum leak from your pussy as he used his fingers to push it back in causing moans to slip out form your mouth

the two of you weren’t even close to being done for the night, you went multiple rounds from having you on top riding him to him eating you out and then fucking you in front of the bathroom mirror, you both went at it, making up for lost time

the last round however was different, seeing you so fucked out made eric want to do nothing but be gentle with you, he layed you down on your stomach as he laid on top of you slowly thrusting into your pussy as he played with your hair, kissing on your shoulders “ as much as i love fucking you until you can’t walk nothing will ever beat making love to you” he whispers in your ear as you arch your back a little bit still lying down, his hands roam your body as he praises you “ you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever laid my eyes on” he carefully turns you over to look at your face

you wrap your legs around his torso as your hands play with his hair slowly and gently moving his length in and out of you“ i love you so much y/n” he says caressing your cheek, you look up at him “ i love you too eric” you say as he leans in to kiss you gently

after he came in you for the last time he cleaned you up putting the covers over your body before getting in bed with you, scooping you up into his arms he places a kiss on your forehead while gently rubbing your back “ eric?” you mumble into his chest “ yes sweet girl?”

“ did you mean what you said earlier about loving me” you ask looking up at him, he smiled before kissing your lips “ of course i did, i’ve loved you since i first laid my eyes on you, and i never stopped” he said raking his hands through your hair, you smile at his answer “ good because i never stopped loving you either”

a silence washed over the both of you until you spoke again “ eric?” you ask once more he chuckles at you “ yes sweet girl” repeats himself you stop and think about the question you’re going to ask “ is this the last time we’re going to see each other” your voice begins to tremble as your tears begin to fall onto his naked chest

“ oh sweetheart come here” he says pulling you up more so that your head in is in the crook of his neck as he rubs your back, “ look at me” he says as you sit up, eric places both of his hands on your cheeks wiping away your tears

“ i promise to do everything in my power to make sure that we see eachother a lot more often” he says before pulling you back into his chest as you begin to cry harder, “ i just never want to repeat what happened last time” you say trying to calm yourself down “ it won’t i’ll make sure of it” he says

“ im so sorry i stopped answering your calls and your messages, i just felt like i was holding you back on so many levels,i never wanted you to hold you back from finding love with someone who would be there for you way more than i could’ve” eric feels his eyes build up with tears, trying his best to hold them back, but he couldn’t causing him to break down, you lift your head up off of his chest when you feel eric’s body shake with his sobs

“ oh my god eric” you coo, the sight of the boy you had known since you were fourteen breaking down in front of you made you sob again along with him

eric had always been an emotional person, but around you he never showed that side of himself, for all the years of knowing you he was always the one wiping your tears not the other way around

you sit up placing his head to your chest letting him sob in the crook of your neck this this time. “ i don’t want to lose you again, i don’t think i can handle it this time” he says in between sobs. “ you won’t lose me eric i promise, if i start taking online courses for school i can visit you all the time and once i get my degree we can talk about me moving to korea” his head shoots up off of your chest “ y/n i cant ask you to leave everything and everyone you love behind just for me” he says, you shush him “ you’re not asking, i’m offering, eric i would move anywhere if it meant i get to be with you”

“ you would do that for me, leave everything you’ve ever know behind, move somewhere completely different on the other side of the world.. just for me” he asks. you chuckle at him before kissing his lips that taste like salt due to his tears

“ i would do it in a heartbeat” you say. as the two of you calmed down you lay back on his chest staring at the ceiling “ have you ever thought about our future together, like getting married and having kids” you ask looking to him, he looks down at you “ i think about it a lot actually, i think about how i would propose and what our wedding would be like, how beautiful you would look walking down the isle in your white dress, i think about how sexy you would be with the baby i put in your belly, how hot you would look waddling around pregnant with our child, you would make a hot mom by the way” he laughs

“ how about you? do you think about our future?” he asks raising his eyebrow “all the time, i think about marrying you a lot more than id like to admit, i think about having kids with you, i even think about you doing the sexy dad walk out of the hospital with our baby” you laugh

“ i promise one day we’ll get to experience all of that together”eric says before placing another kiss to your lips, he pauses before opening his mouth again to speak

“will you be my girlfriend again, this time for good” eric asks

“of course my love, i would love nothing more” you reply giving him one last kiss

“ goodnight i love you so much y/n”

“ goodnight eric i love you more”

you went to sleep peacefully that night, even though eric was leaving the next morning you felt content with his departure for the first time, you felt really confident in your relationship this time around, you knew you both were serious about doing anything and everything to be together as much as you could

you would have never believed that the boy you met in your middle school biology class would end up being the one you plan on sharing the rest of your life with, but here you are all these years later, that boy is now a man laying in your arms after a long night of making love to each other, your naked bodies tangled together as he lets out small snores, holding each other close promising to never let go again

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i know i usually only write for nct but recently eric has been on my mind a lot so i needed to write for him hehe, i hoped you enjoyed <3

[maewrit3s]

-Apologize

Word count: 2.15k~

Pairing: Xiao x fem reader

Description: While you’re stuck spending time with Xiao in his room while your parents visit downstairs you accidentally make him lose a game and he takes out his frustrations on you

Trigger warnings: non-con, non-con filming, non-con listening, degradation, victim blaming?

Edited by: @pretty-princess-peach

You were sitting cross legged on Xiao’s bed, watching him as he focused on the video game he was playing. He hadn’t said a word to you since he had told you that you could sit on his bed while you waited for him to finish. However, that didn’t mean that he was being quiet. He was on a discord call with his friends while they all played against each other in teams. He was shouting and laughing and making jokes, half of which you didn’t even understand (What the hell did “bottom fragging” even mean, and what was so bad about girls playing games?), and you were getting bored waiting for him to stop gaming and finally pay attention to you.

You had only come over to his house to visit since your parents had been friends with his parents since your family had moved here when you were in elementary school, and even now that you were an adult, since you lived at home, you were expected to accompany them on visits. As always, you were sent to go spend time with Xiao in his room, and as always, he was ignoring you. You had always found Xiao to be a bit of a weird guy. However, he seemed relatively harmless. He always seemed annoyed or discontent with something and seemed to either be scared of women or at least uncomfortable around them. You had never considered him a friend, but you didn’t hate him or anything. However, you did hate it when he refused to spare you so much as a glance and just ignored you while he played his games and talked to his friends. Although, you supposed that it wasn’t so boring to watch him play. He was quite pretty, after all…even if he did look like he probably needed a shower.

You tried to focus on the quiet voices coming from his headphones, curious about what they were talking about, but you still couldn’t follow the conversation. Eventually, you gave up on trying to glean any entertainment from the current situation, and you decided to try and get him to give you some attention.

“Xiao?”

There was no response.

“Xiao! Hellooooo?”

Xiao flinched a little when you spoke louder and swore.

“That’s not my mom, idiot. That’s just the daughter of some people my parents are friends with.”

You rolled your eyes and stood up, taking a few steps so you were close enough to Xiao that you could tap his shoulder. He turned away from his game for a second just to glare at you, and unfortunately enough, in those few seconds, Xiao had managed to get shot and killed in the game he was playing. He noticed immediately, turning back to the game and hitting buttons while he swore. You could hear what sounded like laughter coming from his headset, and it seemed to drive Xiao absolutely crazy. He stood up and gave you a death stare, and you immediately felt tiny compared to him, despite Xiao only being a few inches taller than you.

“This was your fucking fault!”

He wasn’t quite yelling, but he was loud enough to make you jump.

“Apologize for fucking distracting me!”

You sighed, but it was clear that he was being serious, so you figured that it was best to just apologize to him.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

He took a deep breath and went to sit back down.

“But you should really calm down. It's literally just a game.”

That was it. He snapped. He tore his headphones off of his head and tossed them onto his chair. He backed you against the wall and wrapped a hand tightly around your throat.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

You were terrified. Xiao had never seemed truly scary before this moment. Even when you had heard him yelling at his teammates during a game or yelling because he was upset about losing, he had never seemed scary.

Xiao’s grip around your throat tightened, and your hands shot up to pull at his, trying to get him to stop.

“Answer me!”

You were shaking at this point, and you had tears in your eyes. You considered calling for help but quickly remembered that his room had been soundproofed years ago due to his constant shouting. You figured it was better to just answer Xiao than to start fruitlessly screaming.

“I said it’s just a game and that you should calm down! Now please stop! I can barely breathe!”

Xiao’s grip tightened once again. Now you really couldn’t breathe.

“It’s not just a fucking game you dumb bitch. It was fucking ranked, and you made me fucking lose!”

You tried to choke out an apology, but you could no longer form words, and black spots were starting to appear in your vision.

Xiao was seething. He was beyond pissed that you had made him lose, and he needed to make you pay for it. You’re just a dumb fucking girl. You shouldn’t be walking around pretending like you have any right to talk to him! Xiao knew exactly how to make you pay. He was going to fuck you, and he was going to cover you in his cum. You were a girl, after all. It's what you were meant for.

Seconds before you blacked out, Xiao finally let go of your throat. You yelped as he grabbed your hair and dragged you over to his bed. He pushed you down and climbed on top of you.

“Xiao, what the fuck are you doing?! Get off of me!”

He ignored your words and the way you were trying to get away from him and instead focused on pulling off your shirt. You did your best to hold your shirt down so that he couldn’t get it off of you, but he grabbed a hold of your wrists and held them over your head as he pulled your shirt off of you. The second that he got it off of you, you started to cry.

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t act like you don’t want this; I know you do.”

You just shook your head and kept crying. Xiao started pulling down your pants, and you tried to fight him the best that you could, but he was far stronger than you, and any resistance felt pointless(not that that stopped you from struggling).

“Look at what you’re fucking wearing. Who the fuck wears clothes like that with underwear like this underneath if they’re not begging to be fucked?”

You started crying even harder. You hadn’t been dressed in any particularly scandalous way. You had been wearing a crop top and some ripped jeans, but you didn’t think that was a particularly revealing outfit, and he didn’t get to tell you that wearing your pretty lacy underwear was you “begging to be fucked”! It wasn’t your fault that dressing pretty made you feel nice!

Xiao flipped you onto your stomach and held your wrists behind you in one hand while the other undid your bra. He pulled it off of you and used the straps to tie your wrists together behind your back before flipping you back over.

“Stop it! You can’t do this!”

Xiao snorted. Your makeup was running down your face, and your body was shaking with your sobs. He had to be sick to be enjoying this.

He started pulling down your panties, and that was enough for you to start screaming at him. However, unfortunately for you, Xiao didn’t enjoy your screaming, and after he had gotten your panties off of you, he shoved them in your mouth. When he saw you start to try and spit them out, he decided to give you a warning.

“If you spit those out or start screaming again, I will make you fucking regret it.”

You froze in fear, tears still running down your face as you watched Xiao pull off his shirt and hoodie and take off his underwear and pants. You couldn’t help but stare. After all, he was built so incredibly well that you couldn’t help but run your eyes over his chiseled torso and his surprisingly big arms. The second your eyes reached his cock however, you snapped back to reality and your current situation.

You started wriggling around, trying to free your wrists, but before you had any success, Xiao was spreading your legs and lining his cock up with your hole. You started sobbing again, and Xiao laughed at how pathetic you looked underneath him. He was feeling better already. He started pushing inside of you, and you started trying to voice your protests through the cloth in your mouth. He forced his way in until he was balls deep, and god, it fucking hurt. You certainly weren’t wet enough, and he was too big for it not to hurt. He didn’t give you any time to adjust and started fucking you immediately. He was moaning and breathing heavily above you, and you wished you could just crawl away.

After a few minutes, he reached up and pulled your panties out of your mouth. You started begging him to stop, apologizing over and over, but he didn’t stop.

“Fuck cumming on you, I’m going to fucking fill you up.”

You immediately started panicking.

“Please, no! You can’t! I’m not on the pill, please!”

He laughed at your distress.

“Well, if you don’t want me to fucking breed you, then- fuck, then you’re going to have to tell me how you fucking love my cock and that this is what- ngh, you were fucking made for.”

You really didn’t have a choice. You couldn’t risk getting pregnant, and saying a few words wasn’t going to kill you.

“I-”

“Wait wait wait.”

He stopped fucking you for a second and reached beside him, grabbing his phone before turning it on and pointing it towards you.

“Now say it.”

He was going to record you? Fuck. He started fucking you again but not quite as hard and fast as before as he kept his phone pointed at you.

“I love your cock so much. This is what I was made for! I'm sorry, please!”

He laughed again at your desperation and tossed his phone beside him before starting to fuck you even harder.

After a few more minutes, Xiao was getting close to cumming, and as ashamed of it as you were, so were you. It really wasn’t your fault. He was hitting all the right spots, and your body was responding accordingly! After a few more thrusts, you were arching your back and moaning as you came around his cock.

“See? I fucking knew you liked this, so stop acting like you don’t. Fucking whore.”

Unfortunately for you, Xiao wasn’t done yet and was overstimulating the hell out of you. You begged him to stop, and he ignored you. He kept fucking you until he was finally finishing inside of you, much to your horror.

“You…you came inside…”

“Did you really believe that I wouldn’t? You should be grateful. You barely deserve my cum.”

Xiao pulled out of you and wiped off his cock on your thigh. He got dressed again and went and sat back in his chair, putting on his headset. He immediately started talking about what he’d just done to you, and you realized that all of his friends that he had been taking to had heard him rape you. Xiao spun around in his chair and grabbed his phone from the bed. He was sending the video that he had taken of you to his friends.

“Please, Xiao, don’t show that video to anyone, please!”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“I’ll show it to whoever I want, and if you don’t want me showing it to anyone that you know, then you won’t mention this to anyone.”

You met his gaze and could tell that he was being serious.

“…Okay.”

He turned away from you again and kept talking to his friends. How fucked up did they have to be if they were fine with hearing about how he raped you? You laid on his bed and tried to stop thinking. Maybe in a few minutes, he would let you go, and you could walk back to your house and never have to see him again.

Though, of course, things couldn’t go your way, and after about 10 minutes of him talking to his friends and you trying to space out, he was getting up and walking back over to you.

“What are you doing?”

You tried to wiggle away from him as he got back on top of you.

“I’m going to fuck you again. Isn’t that obvious?”

You started crying again. This was going to be a long evening.

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©maewrit3s

[notwiredforthisworld]

Somewhere in 2012, a friend introduced me to a boyband she liked. I had no idea who they were. I hadn’t even turned 10 then, and I didn’t have social media. She played me a few songs, and I remember not getting it at first, and telling her that I didn’t like it. I loved music, but I never really cared too much about getting to know artists, so her obsession didn’t really make sense to me. But for some reason, when I got home that day I searched ‘One Direction’ on youtube. I watched music videos, interviews, fan compilations. I fell down a rabbit hole of fanmade lyric videos until I knew every single word to every single song, in a language that wasn’t even mine. I still say that I learned more english from one direction interviews than I ever did in school. I’m not sure where or why the obsession started. Maybe I just wanted to fit in, to like the thing that all of my friends liked. But somewhere along the line, it became so much more than that. It was their music, playing on a loop in my headphones, that helped me drown out everything wrong around me. One Direction was the reason I fell in love with music, the reason I joined social media, the first fandom I was in. It was the reason there were even others, the reason I met so many people. My best friends.

When One Direction announced a show in my country, in 2014, my friend went to see it, even though it was halfway across the country. I was 12 at the time, and I begged my parents to go. They said no. Their excuse was that I was too young, and neither of them understood a teenage girl’s obsession with a boyband, and if I’m honest with myself, I can now understand they probably couldn’t afford it. So they said no. And they promised me that next time I could go. A year later, I was leaving a music class with that same friend when one direction posted a statement about Zayn leaving. I cried the whole way home. I think that was my first heartbreak. The year after, they split up, even if 13 year old me would yell at everyone who dared mention it that it was a break, not a break up. I changed schools that year. I lost touch with that friend. A lot of things changed, but my playlist didn’t. It never did. 15 year old me started high school in a new place, listening to that same band, with the same posters hanging on the back of my door, just as excited for solo releases as I had been for one direction.

In 2019, when Harry announced a show in my country, that friend was the first person I called. The show was postponed, due to covid, but I remember 17 year old held on to those things like her life depended on it. I think in a way, it did. During lockdown, I got closer to the fandom than I had been in years. I was straight out of high school, I was lonely, and lost, and 18 year old me found in old videos and online communities the same sense of belonging she had found at 10. In 2022, me and my friend saw Harry together. I think a part of my teenage self was healed that day. So the year after, when Louis announced a show in the same place, 20 year old me skipped a uni class to buy tickets. It was the first concert I went to alone, and I sat on the floor of an arena during my favorite song, crying in the arms of a girl I never saw again. I hope she’s okay. That’s still one of my favorite moments. In 2023, Niall announced a tour without a stop in my country. 21 year old me drained her savings to fly to Ireland and see him there. When my mom argued, I told her she didn’t get to complain, because she hadn’t let me go to a show when they were still together, and if there would never be a next time, I would have to see all of them. Whatever it took. Until there was a next time. As I write this, the fact that there will actually never be a next time is hitting me like a brick.

Out of all of them, I probably resonated with Liam’s music the least. Right now, it’s bittersweet to realize I fell out of it, because of that and because of everything that came out after. Right now, 10 year old me is grieving. But so is 12 year old me, waiting up for music video releases. So is 15 year old me, going to high school with four playing on her headphones. So is 18 year old me, watching x factor videos when she got sad during lockdown. So is 22 year old me, coming to terms with the fact that one of the people she looked up to the most is… maybe not that good of a person.

One Direction has been a part of my life for longer that they haven’t been. I don’t remember a single moment, a single age, a single milestone, that they weren’t a part of, in some way.

So right now, I’m thinking of Liam’s family, of his friends, of his child. And I’m thinking of the boys, now men, that changed my life so profoundly, without ever knowing who I was. And on another note, I’m also thinking of Maya, and the women who came forward, and who will definitely feel the weight of this, even if they shouldn’t, even if it’s not on them, because that’s the way the internet works. I know that, because one direction is why I joined it in the first place. And it changed my life. To a degree, it changed my entire view of the world.

It’s a conflicting feeling. Grief usually is. But this type of grief… there’s no guidebook. How do you grieve someone who was never actually in your life? How do you grieve a face on a screen? A voice on a track? And specially, how do you do so while knowing so many things that you just can’t accept? Can’t support? That go against everything that is your beliefs? It hurts. It hurts that he’ll never get the help he so clearly needed. It hurts that the people who have always brought me the most comfort got their hearts broken in a way that was so drastic, so painful, so definitive. It hurts that it’s so definitive. So final. I think that’s the worst part. The little tiny part of me that has spent the last almost 10 years trying to believe it wasn’t final… just got told that it is. And it hurts that it feels like it’s not acceptable to be hurting like this.

I used to think about growing old one day, being in my 50s or 60s and having to read news like this one. But we were supposed to be old. We were supposed to have time. I wasn’t supposed to be 22, grabbing my phone to a text from my friend asking if I’d heard. If I was okay. I’m not.

I can’t listen to One Direction right now. But I hope 10 year old me can still turn the volume up when her parents are fighting in the next room. I hope 13 year old me can scream the lyrics to midnight memories at her friends’ houses. I hope 16 year old me can curl up in bed listening to made in the am everytime she needs someone to be there for her, like she always did. I hope 18 year old me, starting college alone in the middle of the pandemic, can rewatch San Siro and quote every line and find comfort in the nostalgia. I hope 20 year old me is screaming along at all the solo concerts. You’ll never see the 5 of them. I’m sorry.

In the end, my heart is with everyone who personally knew and loved Liam. And then it’s with us. The ones who grew up with him. The ones who found a sense of belonging in playlists, and stan accounts, and fanfics, and concerts. Because we’ll never get a next time. The boys will never get a next time. And I’m not really sure how to handle that thought, because there was supposed to be time, for all of us.

We were supposed to have a next time. Liam deserved a next time.

There was a whole lot of history there, after all.

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

Can I request an Aaron Hotchner x autistic!daughter young adult ideally but any age. Or even she’s on the team and he’s a father figure to her because her own is so ableist. My dad is so ableist and I have so much autistic trauma from him even though my autism is from him too. He thinks that gives him even more rights to say whatever he wants to me and bully me even more. I just need to know what it feels like to have a good dad who cares about my autism. Who cares about me ❤️❤️

Aaron Hotchner x Autistic! Young adult reader

Of course I can, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, my parents have trouble understanding my Autism as well but they are getting better. I will write this for you!

Summary: Y/Ns ableist Dad comes to the BAU and starts being an Ableist arsehole to his daughter, her father figure (Hotch) steps in and saves her.

Third Person pov...

It had been 3 years since Y/N L/N joined the BAU, she was 21 when she joined and instantly became the baby of the team and Hotch became her Dad, Y/N is autistic and has sensory issues.

Ever since she was little her father was ablest and would bully her and verbally abuse her saying how her being Autistic meant something was wrong with her and that she needed fixing, the man caused her to have so many meltdowns and sensory overloads that it made others concerned her teachers as school.

He was later arrested for child abuse and was sent to prison, Y/N was then left with her neighbours who were a nice loving family and always liked her but hated her dad and were glad she got away from him after suffering for years, her Mum was out of the picture.

The young girl had so much trauma from her childhood when she joined the BAU that Hotch became her father figure, their relationship helped mend Y/Ns trauma from her bio dad and she was able to live comfortably knowing he wasnt in her life anymore, she was treated with respect and was always told that her autism wasn't a bad thing.

From being with Penelope and Spencer (who are also Autistic) her relationship with her Autism was mended and she was able to be herself, while with her dad she could stim or doing anything 'autistic' but with her new found family she was free to stim and had all her accomedations, if anyone disrespected her or called her weird they would have to deal with an angry Hotch and the rest of the team.

It was a normal day for the team, they weren’t on a case and for once they all got to relax and fill out paperwork, well aside from Hotch and Spencer no one was doing any paperwork, Derek and Emily were sat giggling loudly like children as they kept throwing rolled up pieces of paper at their second youngest member.

The laughter increased as they kept hitting their mark, Spencers head, the genius was none the wiser as a pile of paper was forming around him at their many failed attempts. From the side JJ and Penelope sit and watch as Spencer doesn't realise, opposite the genius sat Y/N she was busy spinning in her chair with her headphones on and watching the scene play out.

She had the perfect poker face for when a paper ball hit Spencer's head, as the children in the bull pen play the two adults Hotch and Rossi where actually getting work done, , well Hotch was at least the Italian was drinking and watching the kids outside keeping an eye on them as someone responsible needed too.

As Y/N continued to spin around her in chair she didn’t hear the heavy footsteps off someone walking up behind her, the H/C woman was suddenly yanked off her chair and onto the hard floor by a man, in the process of being manhandled her headphones when flying off her head.

“What did I tall ya about doing that Girl!” exclaimed a voice that haunted her nightmares, gasping in terror Y/N stared frozen at her Father who was suppose to be in prison, the large man had a sickening grin on his face as he saw the terror in his daughter eyes.

“Yes its me!” he laughed that horrible laugh that had Y/N holding her hands overs her ears, the 21 year old was still frozen on the floor while the others were staring at the scene before them guns raised, by this time Hotch and Rossi had heard what happened and were out of their offices.

“bu-but your supposed to be in jail!” exclaimed Y/N finally finding her voice stuttering, the man looked down at her crumpled form, he then grabbed the front of her blouse pulling his daughter close. “they let me out for good behaviour, did ya miss me!” he semi whispered as Y/Ns face grew a sickening pale white, she scrambled to get away but the man wouldn’t let go instead he raised his hand and slapped her.

Y/N cried out in pain. “you really didn’t think I could be held for long did ya you retard! You really are still a fucked in the head as you were years ago” yelled the man, Hotch had had enough, he rain down thw ramp arms raised, gun in his hands. “Get your hands on hr now, you do realise you just assaulted a federal agent” growled out Hotch as the man teared his eyes away from the shivering form of his daughter.

He spat at Hotch. “your not her father I am, this waste of space in am Agent HA!”!” he laughed again and kicked Y/N hard in the ribs, Penelope gasps tears in her eyes as she witnesses her friend get beaten. Y/N holds in her cries of pain and raises her head from the floor glaring at the man.

“your not my dad you never have been!” she cried tears rolling down her face, the sadistic man smirked at the tears rolling down his daughters face, the sight reminding off when she was a kid and he would verbally abuse her, he had never hit her before now, it felt good.

Her words made him angry. “I am your father retard, though I hate to admit it you share my blood, your as stupid as I remember crying on the floor like the child you are to stupid to do what I say” he goes on on berating Y/N and saying how stupid she was once again verbally abusing her, as he went on his rant Y/N managed to stand up.

She was then pulled behind Hotch, his finger close to pulling the trigger. “you Bastard, you shut the fuck up now, you have crossed the line now get out of my building and away from my Daughter before I pump your body full of bullets!” yelled Hotch threw clenched teeth, he was so close to pulling the trigger instead he stormed up so he was chest to chest with the man and pulled back his fist.

When he lets go his right hand connected with the nose he was satisfied to feel it shatter, a smirk on his face before gesturing to a couple of agents. “now don’t ever come back or I will kill you” Hotches hand was burning but he felt satisfied when Y/Ns Dad freeze before he tsked and stormed out not before calling Y/N the R slur before he was detained by two agents ans forced into handcuffs.

Hotch crossed his arms before turning around to hug Y/N was had collapsed, the stress from her dad coming in draining her, she was then sat at her desk with Hotch hovering around her looking at her injuries, E/C eyes locked on his brown ones.

“Im your daughter” she whispers hoarsely, this made Hotch smile and run his hand through her hair. “of course, you are sweetie” he smiled softly kissing her forehead still smiling when she smiles back.

The end!!

Hoped you liked this oneshot so sorry for the wait! As usual sorry for the grammar and spelling mistake!

Requests are open!

Word count: 1366

[itsaspectrumcomic]

helo

i um

i might be autistic

like 60% sure i am and i could definitely use a diagnosis or at least know that im not autistic just weird

idk how to tell my parents since my dad is really ableist and my mom isnt much better

my dad made me stop wearing headphones at home bc "only crazy (ie autistic) people wear headphones all the time. are you crazy?"

and i have undiagnosed adhd and im pretty sure my mom does too which is weird bc she yells at me for adhd things she does as well

fun times /s

i could use some advice or at least consolation

thank you :D

I don't know if I can help much but I'm sorry you're in this situation! It's really hard when the people around you aren't accepting or accommodating, especially family.

I don't know if it's worth telling your parents if they're abelist since it might only make things more difficult for you. Instead maybe just use neurodivergent coping methods whenever you can, and try to get a diagnosis when you're in a position where you don't need to rely on your parents. Also remember that self diagnosis is valid - you don't need to be officially diagnosed to call yourself autistic if you identify with the traits.

Also, loads of people wear headphones a lot, and not all of them will be autistic. There's nothing strange about wanting to listen to music (and no one needs to know if you actually are). It wasn't very kind of your dad to say that and it reflects more on him than you. If you can't wear headphones, you could try wearing earplugs like Loops which are more subtle?

Sometimes if people aren't understanding of autism or neurodiversity in general it can help to describe the accommodations you need as personality quirks instead of a diagnosis (annoying but whatever works). So instead of saying 'I have sensory issues around sound because I'm autistic' you could say 'I find it difficult to concentrate when there are lots of sounds'.

On your mum - it's likely she was yelled at for the same traits she's yelling at you for and is just repeating what she was told. ADHD has only started to be more known about and accepted relatively recently so unfortunately those from previous generations probably have a lot of internalised ableism 😔 I don't really have advice for that but it might help you understand her more, and know that it's not your fault.

I hope that at least makes you feel a bit better - I hope things improve for you soon ❤️

[marner2tavares]

cardigan series: on a saturday, in a cafe ❣️

jack hughes x reader

cardigan series masterlist

Ever since graduating college, life has been fast to say the least. Instead of going home to Michigan for the summer, you decided to spend your fifth summer staying in Colorado with the family of one of the girls you danced with. After telling her about your situation, how you felt like you couldn’t go back, she was more than happy to offer you a place to stay. 

Every year your parents begged you to come home for Independence Day, but you couldn't bring yourself to go back to the town that housed your only real heartbreak. 

You had boyfriends since him, but it was never the same. Never the same level of passion. Never the same level of love or family that the Hughes’ gave you. Never the same level of closeness with your boyfriend’s friends. Nothing could compare, love wise, to all those years ago. 

Now the time has come, graduation done. Time to start your real life. All summer you looked for anything affordable in the city, but New York is unfortunately very expensive. You found one apartment… shared with 4 people, only two bedrooms. After a long phone call with your mom, she convinced you to just take a look at places in Jersey. Jersey is a big place! You told yourself over and over again desperately trying to convince yourself that you wouldn’t run into him. 

And you didn’t. You’ve lived there for nearly 3 months now and you haven’t seen him anywhere. Hearing about him, though? That was a different story. You heard about him everywhere. You started bringing headphones with you wherever you went. You didn’t look up at the TVs when you were out drinking at your neighborhood bar. You were starting to be able to block it out, tuning out when the name “Jack” comes up in conversation. You just told people you didn’t understand or care for sports. After 3 months, you were finally starting to feel safe in the city. 

One Saturday morning, you walked into the same coffee shop you’ve walked into a few times a week for the duration of your stay in Jersey, ordered the same thing, and sat down at the same table to wait for your drink. You scrolled on your phone until you heard someone call your old nickname, a nickname you have been called in a long time. Your head snaps up to see who said it and seeing the owner of the voice, you could feel your palms start to sweat. Youngest of the Hughes brother, Luke was standing by the counter looking at you. 

“Oh my god, it’s actually you.” Luke said as he started walking over. You stood up from your table, accepting the hug he was giving you. You expected for that to feel out of place. It almost felt worse that it didn’t. “What are you doing in Jersey?” You took a deep breath before forcing yourself to reply. 

“I, uh, I live here now.” Luke’s eyes went wide.

“You live here?” You nodded your head, almost shyly. Luke looked perplexed. You decided to try to break the tension. You smiled with a light laugh and looked up at him. 

“You really grew, Luke.” He laughed too, thank god.

“Yeah, I kinda did. Hit the big 2-0.” Your stomach sank. The reality of how much time has passed hit you like a truck. Luke was 15 last time you saw him in person. 

“Yeah, I remembered.” There was a pause that felt so much longer than you’re sure it actually was. The barista called your names and Luke gave you a quick “be right back” and walked up to the counter to get both your drinks before sitting down at the table. Luke passed you your drink and you took a sip.

“How long have you lived here?” You took a deep breath.

“Uh.. almost since your birthday really.” Luke’s face fell a little bit.

“You didn’t call?” You cringed at the sadness in his eyes. Luke wasn’t just Jack’s little brother. He was like your little brother. You helped him with everything. You truly loved Luke like your own brother. 

“I just didn’t think you would want to see me.” You answered honestly. Luke looked down at his cup and then back up to you. 

“I’m always down to see you. I know Quinn would be too.” There's the other part. Quinn. God, you loved Quinn. He was your rock, almost more so than Jack. He practically helped raise you. Helped you through fights with Jack, picked you up from parties when you were too drunk to drive and too scared to call your mom, amongst countless other things. You missed him. You missed them all. You have for years. 

“I just didn’t know where we stood.” You took a pause. “And I was too scared of you guys hating me it was just easier to not reach out.” Luke just nodded for a second before he looked up with a small smile on his face. 

“Tell you what, you can make it up to me.” You let out a real laugh this time.

“Oh, how can I make it up to you, Luke?” You rested your chin on your palm.

“Come to my game tonight. We’re playing the Sabres, it should be a good game.” You let out a sigh and dropped your head a bit.

“I really don’t think Jack would want me there.” Luke leaned into the table a little bit.

“Never say never. I’ll leave you a ticket.” He noticed the deep breath you took and smiled at you. “Come.” You smiled at him and let out another sigh before looking back up at him. 

“I’ll be there.”

[cinderellaboyheadcanons]

Deacon's the one who listens to emo music.

If anyone's gonna wallow in their room, headphones in after school, listening to songs about parents not understanding you- it's Deacon.

Just imagine he's in highschool, and he overhears someone in the hall talking about MCR. And he's like "Oh yeah I remember that" because back in middle school, his friend had an emo phase and he was always telling Deacon about the bands he was into or playing songs when they hung out. To the point it makes that name stick out in his mind five or six years later.

Then later that night, burned out after hours of homework from the AP classes his parents make him take, he remembers that converstaion in the hallway. Out of curiosity or maybe for nostalgia, he looks up a song- and whoa. Sure he's heard it before, but he'd never paid it much attention. It was always something going in the background. Right now is his first time actually listening. When the song's over he replays it, then he spends the whole night listening to the rest of the album, looking for other bands, until whoops it's five am when he falls alseep at his computer.

Day two, he tries to reel it back a bit like, "Okay yesterday was a lot, just gonna find two new songs and then I'm going to bed." [He will not follow through and proceed to do the same thing at least 5 times.]

I don't think he'd exclusively listen to emo, but I think it'd be a genre he's super into. Especially ballads.

Extra: Don't know what to call it, but another style of music I think he'd like is whatever common denominator there is between Slipping through my Fingers, Dreaming of You, and Frente a Frente by Jeanette (maybe not this specific song cause he doesn't speak Spanish but that style for sure).

Deacon Headcanons

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.

[stumachersfavoritegirl]

His Favorite Girl <3

(Stu Macher x reader)

Disclaimer: The use of Y/N pertains to you inserting your own name. The main character in the story is you, but you just have a a different description. Imagination is fun girlies ;3 Thank you for understanding and enjoy!

Chapter 1: Just 3 more hours...

The fourth bell of the day rings, and I'm finally excused from Algebra. I quickly gather my textbooks in my arms, grabbing the strap of my backpack as I head towards the exit of the classroom. Everyone begins to swarm the doorway however, and I'm stuck waiting for them when someone bumps my right shoulder, hard. My glasses fall slightly farther down my nose and I snap my head to the right. "Watch it!" Low and behold, it's Tatum Riley. She basically hisses at me, and I avoid her eyes. Fucking Bitch. I know she did it on purpose, the way gossip flows through Woodsboro High, I'm pretty sure immediately after Stu left my sight, someone already told Tatum he was conversing with me. They probably exaggerated us hugging, or at least, him hugging me. And I could tell this was the case, because until today, she's never even looked in my direction. Now apparently, I'm "in her way"? I mutter a pathetic "...Sorry", and she scoffs dramatically. "That won't be the only thing you're sorry for. Stu is mine. Don't forget it loser." she says before pushing past me and literally every other student in front of her, and no one even dares to open their mouth and protest. She's Stu Machers girlfriend, even me simply saying sorry is the beginning of my demise. But I shake the thought, and as the entryway clears out, I quickly brush past others as I finally enter the hallway. I dig my headphones and cassette player out of my backpack, resting the headphones on my head and pressing play on the cassette. "Bonez" by Mr.Floyd Larry begins to play, and I let the noise take me somewhere serene, somewhere that isn't this hellhole with these assholes. I fix my glasses as I walk to my locker to put my books away, it's finally lunch time and I couldn't be more nervous and grossly, more sweaty. This will probably be the most exciting thing that's happened to me for the rest of the school year and I'm not even mad at it. To have Stu Machers attention about anything, younger me would be excessively gushing at the thought. We're talking sophomore year to senior year long obsession! Wet dreams, fluff dreams, anything my mind could think of pertaining him. But instead of gushing, I feel nauseated. I reach my locker and open it, when a white folded piece of paper falls to the ground. I place my books inside before bending down to sweep it up. I look around me, trying to pinpoint any eyes on me, but when I see none I go back to the note, opening it. It's in big red writing that looks cursive, but it's really just sloppy and the thick ink bleeds through the paper and onto my fingers.

"Change of plans. Meet me at the Woodsboro Coffee and Bagel shop around 4. Maybe dress up a little for me, huh? I know there's something underneath those baggy shirts you love to wear.

-You know who I am ;) "

I definitely know who it was. My cheeks immediately start to heat up and I quickly close the note, looking around before shoving it in my locker. Coincidently, the brews right down the street from my house, and my parents are having a date night tonight so they won't know how long I'll be out. I nod in approval as I close my locker and pull my other bag strap over my shoulder. Ok, not bad. This gives me way more time to prepare. I can run home and quickly change, probably do something with my hair that'll make me look different, but not like I'm trying too hard, ya know? I sigh loudly as the song ends, and I pull my cassette player out of my pocket before entering the lunch room, rolling my eyes at the excessively long lunch line. I drag my feet to join the line when-

"Stop it Stu! This isn't funny, they said you kissed her!"

I look to my right and see Tatum and Stu, with Tatums back to the wall and Stu brooding over her, extending his arm to lean against the wall with it. I quickly step to the side and out of everyones way before standing behind a pillar, pretending to have trouble with my headphones and cassette player. When I notice no ones looking, I peer over and listen.

"Come on, you know I don't like this jealous shit. You're my Tatum." He says, grabbing her face gently before bending down to quickly peck her lips. She closes her eyes as he does this, and he almost lets his lips linger there, before pulling away and leaning against the wall again.

"I only want you babe. Why even believe school gossip anyway? I've heard a lot of stuff about you, but I never believed it." He shakes his head, never breaking eye contact with her, but she does with him as she rolls her eyes dramatically. "Please Stu, what could you possibly have heard about me that I haven't about you?" She says, testing him. She snarls her face as she says this and he grazes the room, hesitating before slightly chuckling. "It doesn't even matter. I mean, why are we still even talking about this? When this day ends, who will I be with?" He asks her endearingly, his voice softens and he bends down to get more to her level. "Huh?" He says, amusing her, moving closer and closer to her face. "Who?" He asks one more time playfully, there lips are basically touching and she rolls her eyes, scoffing meekly before kissing him. "You stupid." She surrenders and he smiles something so mischievous. "Wanna go for a quickie?" He sticks his tongue out to lick her nose and she playfully smacks his shoulder, smirking as she rolls her eyes at his perverse remark. He fakes a theatrical "ow" before bending down again to wrap his hands around her waist, picking her up to bury his face in her neck. "I gotta get you for that. You know better." She giggles rapidly as she tries to pry him off of her. "Stop it Stu!" She pleads out, almost looking around in embarrassment as he continuous to tickle her neck; he makes sounds that are obvious he's biting it. He eventually stops, repositioning her in his arms and she shrieks. "Stu!" She yells out, hysterically laughing, as he holds her in his hands bridal style, almost studying her with his eyes. He licks his lips before asking "You hungry baby?" and she nods giddily, still laughing. "Then let's go!" He widens his eyes and his mouth forms an 'O' before taking off with her, clearing the crowd of students in front of them with the biggest grin on his face. As they pass the pillar, I look back down at my cassette and fake a few scoffs because I'm having 'such a hard time with it'. When they leave my sight however, I put the cassette away and sigh. Ugh, if I had eaten breakfast this morning, I definitely would've threw up from their grossly not faked chemistry. I hated how much he was always on top of her, so overbearing in an overprotective and caring way. I always noticed whenever they were together anywhere, his eyes would be peeled on her no matter where she was in the room. Granted, I've also noticed that when she isn't around those ocean eyes definitely wandered. But, he always made it aware to any and everyone that Tatum Riley was his, to a point where it translated to he owned her. There was something about his patronizing demeanor that always turned me on. I always got Dom energy from him, especially when he was with Tatum. But, around Billy Loomis, he seemed to surrender. Their friendship dynamic was definitely different, Billy always seemed so serious, uptight almost. I never really saw him breathe, or even rest his shoulders for a moment. Stu on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Every time I saw him there was a smile on his face. He moved around so much, there wasn't a time I could recall him standing still. But nonetheless, they always seemed to make it work. Their whole clique seemed so perfect all the time, and I catch myself yearning to be apart of something similar. Things would've probably turned out way different if I had grew the balls to speak to him after hearing a rumor that him and Casey Becker broke up. But in under a week, he was locked in with her copycat and my Mrs. Matcher dream became history...again. But who knows? Maybe things can change later today. It really all depends on how I prepare for this situation. I begin to contemplate everything I need to do to impress him this afternoon as I continue my venture to the lunch line, resting my headphones on my head and pressing play.

//////////////////(lower volume)

I dump the food on my tray into the trash as I place it on the table nearby, tucking the strands of loose hair behind my ear as I exit the lunchroom, dreading the next 2 hours of this day. I couldn't be more anxious about later, but the day just seems to drag on and on. I tilt my head to the side to scratch the nape of my neck when I see Stu Macher ahead of me. He's staring directly at me, his gaze is cold, and I'm almost scared to keep looking in his direction. But he keeps my attention when he motions his head for me to follow him down the hallway. I almost stop walking completely in disbelief, and I look around to make sure he's talking to me and no one else. When I see no one looking in his direction, I turn back to face him, but he's gone. I furrow my brows as I contemplate even following him. The way todays been going, I wouldn't even be surprised if it was a hallucination. But, I sigh as I force my feet to walk forward, towards his direction. Once I turn the corner where I saw him, he's at the end of the hall waiting for me. When he sees me, he makes another turn and I pick up my pace to catch up with him. I end up in the janitors corridor and as I make the turn, someone quickly grabs my arm and pulls me into a dark room. I gasp but someone grabs my mouth and covers it, closing the door. I feel someones breathe against my right ear and my face burns as I purse my lips together, swallowing. Stus smell washes over me however, and I close my eyes and silently moan, pressing my thighs together as I realize the breathe on my neck and the hand over my mouth belongs to him. He reaches infront of me and switches on the light, and I quickly open my eyes and clear my throat, fixing my loose strands of hair. He removes his hand from my mouth and as I turn around, he's towering over me, his dimples deeply pierce his cheeks as he smirks. His pupils are dilated as he burns holes into me. I can tell he was humored by scaring the crap out of me because he teases me as he says, "Don't be scared, it's just me." I smile quickly and look up at him before silently chuckling and looking away. I can feel him continuing to stare at me but I don't dare meet his gaze. I hear him sigh deeply before he states with a taunting grin, "So, I need to know. I've heard rumors are going around about us, and a little birdy told me it all came from you. Is that true?" He begins to advance me slowly, and I end up backed against the wall, his smile almost begins to vanish; his eyes almost turn a darker shade of blue and his gaze goes cold. "You know I have a girlfriend right?" He asks me sternly, and I stutter and nervously chuckle as I say. "I-I-I wouldn't- I'd never, uh st-start a rumor um, I didn't say anything about u-us talking. I don't even- I don't h-have friends here."My eyes are desperately darting the room to avoid his, but when I'm finally done experiencing word vomit while also feeling completely speechless, I look up and him. He stares at me for a while longer before completely bursting into laughter. He spins around in a circle slowly as he cackles, bending over and clutching his stomach as he finally makes a full 360. He meets my gaze again and I'm left to stand against the wall shrinking in embarrassment. "Holy shit man, I was just fucking with you. Holy shit you should've seen your face! Pure fear."

His face is red from laughing so much, but he stops chuckling to stand over me again. "You know, I don't really listen to what these shitheads have to say about me. It's really just Taum that's worried about that shit. And I'm sure you saw that in the lunch room today huh, stalker?" He smirks as he taunts me with this, and I begin to feel my heart beat out of my chest. Jeez, how many times can one person fuck up in a god damn day? First he catches me staring at him like a creep, then he catches me ease dropping on him and his girlfriend? All in the span of 4 hours too, I'm clearly on a roll today. My thoughts race as I stand there like an asshole just staring at him as he stares at me, waiting for my response. I'm completely speechless and he knows this because he bends down and gets close to my face before he whispers, "Cat got your tongue?" He chuckles at his remark and my cheeks heat up as I look down again. "I-I-"

"Relax, it's not the end of the world kid." He pushes himself off the wall as he teases me, maliciously smiling as he examines the janitors room. "Besides, I think it's kinda hot. I mean, you're the reason I need help in English." He turns to face me as he says this, his dimples still showing as his smile grows. "You never noticed I look at you too?" He asks me, as he begins to walk towards me again, slowly. "Maybe because you're always in your own little world, or maybe because you sit in front of me. But I always see when you're staring at me, because I'm really good at not being seen when I stare at you too." He's close to my face again, and I feel my glasses fog up. I'm breathing heavily as I clutch the side of my pants to hold onto reality. "Are you surprised? I mean, did you really think I asked someone about being "study buddies" and they referred me to you?" His question comes with a sarcastic chuckle, and I'm still standing there, my lips slightly parted before I lick them and push my glasses up. "Um- I-I um..." I swallow as I look down, pursing my lips together as I try to figure out how to say something, anything that'll help him understand that this is everything I've wanted since sophomore year.  "You know how pretty you are. I mean, without the glasses, the messy buns, the baggy clothes, I always wondered what you'd look like in a tight skirt, your legs exposed..." He leans into my ear as he says this, smirking, and my breathe picks up again.

"...with a tight short sleeved crop top, exposing your belly." He looks down at my body as he says this before locking eyes with me again. "Your hair down, just bouncing as you walk..." He licks his lips, "along with your breast." He looks down again, "...your nipples poking through your top, almost like now. I can see them through your sweater." He repositions himself in front of me and he levels his head with mine so I'm forced to keep looking at his face, "Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me?" His pupils are dilated as he says this, and his smirk is completely gone. I open my mouth to attempt a response, when he takes a sharp breathe in, pushing himself off the wall again chuckling. "You do now. " He says before smiling again, walking around the room. "You got my note right?" He asks me, snapping his head towards me. There's a seriousness in the question, even though he's still grinning. I make sure to lock eyes with him before nodding quickly. He sighs deeply before facing me again, looking me up and down before slowly advancing me one last time. I hold my breathe as he gets closer, and for a moment, time stops. He gets close to my lips, and he licks his and looks down at mine before saying, "Don't be late then. I... don't like to wait." He quickly scans my body again before winking at me and flashing a quick smile, exiting the janitors closet as he playfully waves at me. I finally breathe as I lean back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling as I press my hand to my chest. My hearts beating so hard, I feel it in between my legs, and I press my thighs together tighter. What the fuck...just fucking happened? Did Stu Macher really just confess he's always had a crush on me? Did he basically just tell me, that he's always liked me back? Were we both just afraid this whole time? I never saw him as a guy that held his tongue, he always seemed so out-spoken. I guess things would've turned out different then, if I had gone up to him after him and Casey broke up. I wonder how things will be now that I know about him, and now that he knows about me. So many different thoughts are racing through my head about what could've been and what could be, when the door swings open again. I suck in my breathe, expecting it to be Stu coming back to taunt me more, when I see gray hair. Fuck, the janitor. Luckily, they don't look around the room as they walk in. They head towards the toiletries as they store the Mop and bucket away and as the door closes, I slip through. I speed walk back to the school hallway as my heart continues to race. That would've definitely been detention, that would've ruined everything planned later on. I realize that I'm also now late to my next class which might get me detention as well. So I quickly pick up my pace as I head up the school stairway. I just have to get through 3 more hours of this day, and then I'll have his attention again. 3 more hours and I'll feel his touch again, smell him again. Just 3 more hours, and I'm his. Just 3 more hours…

[shyphonics]

Salad Days Chapter 3: When I was born, my mama cried, and picked me up with gloves.

(babypunk!Rodrick Heffley x reader)

part one | part two | part four

I wanna be stereotyped

I wanna be classified

I wanna be a clone

I want a suburban home

Suburban home

Rodrick wakes unusually early, 8 AM, still feeling weird. The rest of the band are still asleep. He grabs a beer from the fridge because, fuck it, nobody can tell him not to.

Getting shows is harder than he’d expected. He’s nervous, but he has to keep up a front, for the sake of the band. If he tells them he’s worried that they’ll never get a show, they might just give up. He can’t let on that there’s any negativity in his mind. He has to be a fearless leader. This has to work. This is their life now. It’s gonna be fucking amazing.

There are seven missed calls from home on his cell phone, and he decides to ignore them a little while longer. He doesn’t feel like talking to his parents, he knows they’d just be disappointed in him. He'd just have to hear about so-and-so from down the street who just got into law school. Or medical school. Or whatever the fuck kind of school.

No matter what he does, he knows he's a failure in their eyes.

Rodrick hadn't had any interest in higher education. He'd figured he didn't need it for the kind of life he was after. No matter how much his parents had guilted him.

He'd felt maybe a teeny, tiny bit guilty when everyone around him got their college acceptance letters. People started cliquing up based on which schools they'd gotten into and everything.

I hope we're dorm mates!

Are you taking psych 101?

Wow, you got a full scholarship?

Fuck off.

At one point, his dad had even caved and said, you can major in music theory!

And what, Frank? Show up to venues all like, here’s my degree! My masters in drums! Give me a show, please?

Yeah, right.

At least he'd had the rest of the band. Through everything, they'd always been on the same page. Always plotting a way out.

He takes a deep chug of his beer and pops his laptop open. He checks The Strike's website, and notices a radio feed in the top corner.

A nasally man's voice comes through his headphones. He's mid-rant, "-because they didn't understand us. And they never have, and they never will. My parents thought I was the devil. My dad loved The Eagles. I hated The Eagles with every fiber of my being. If I could say one thing to my father- and Glenn Frey- right now, it'd be: suck it. Punk never dies."

Rodrick suppresses a laugh as a song starts. He's pretty sure he recognizes it, and the words are really resonating with how he's felt since he left home.

Clicking through The Strike’s event calendar, he almost does a spit take. Friday night. They’ve got a show.

Suck it, Frank and Susan!

“Wake up, fuckers!” he yells, causing bodies to stir around the living room.

“Dude, shut up.” Ben groans from the couch.

“You shut up! We have a show! In 2 days!”

That does the trick, and everyone is up and shouting in celebration, drowning out their downstairs neighbor hitting the ceiling with a broomstick.

His email blinks with a new message:

Let’s see what you got, diaper boy.

~

Gettin’ high with your friends

On the basketball court

Sunglasses on when you sleep

Yeah, that's a sport

They're absolutely decked out. Denim, leather, patches, and studs as far as the eye can see.

You recognize Rodrick from your post at the bar, dressed like an aging member of a hair metal band, desperately clinging to his youth. He’s fumbling with his ID and a pair of dark sunglasses while Jimbo, the bouncer, impatiently crosses his arms. The rest of his band, you assume, make it through easier.

“The show’s in two days! What are you doing here?” you shout, drying a glass with a rag.

They look like a child biker gang, hopped up on sugar.

“Making ourselves known!” one of the others replies. He’s got a high pompadour, and a leather jacket that is entirely too small for him. You chuckle as they all take a seat.

“What’re you havin’?” You toss the rag over your shoulder and meet Rodrick’s eyes.

“Beer?” He says, unsure.

“Type?”

“Uh. Cheap? Cheapest, please.”

“Natty Light. Two bucks. Plus tip.” You wink, rooting around in the fridge under the bar.

“Tip? You got it out of the fridge.” Rodrick raises an eyebrow.

“And I opened it,” you pop the beer open, setting it down hard to make your point.

“Okay, okay. Uh, what’s a tip on that?” He looks panicked, digging in his wallet.

“I’m fucking with you. It’s a two dollar beer.”

He sheepishly hands you three singles, and you tuck the third into your bra. You hate to say it, you really do, but he’s kinda cute. All dressed up to drink shitty beer with his friends. He’s got a nice nose, despite the visible break, and enough eyeliner on to join a family of raccoons. It suits him.

He takes a sip and flinches, “This is awful.”

“If you hadn’t said cheap-est, you woulda had more options!” You laugh.

The rest of the guys order a round of PBRs, a four dollar option, and well whiskey shots.

“Ooh! Classy,” you mockingly fan yourself, “What fine young gentlemen.”

“Hey, how come it’s empty in here?” One of them asks.

“It is…” you check the clock behind the bar, “four pm.”

They stare at you.

“Broad daylight.” You deadpan, setting four shot glasses down on the bar.

The Strike is an old building, all chipped red paint and rickety metal. Rodrick’s eyes linger on a giant sculpture of a flaming match above the bar. Posters from their heyday line the walls: Agent Orange, Circle Jerks, Violent Femmes, Adolescents. There’s a weird song playing; the chord progression seems all out of whack, and from what Rodrick can tell, the singer is chanting suicide, suicide.

“What song is this?”

“You don’t know? it’s your favorite,” you tease, smirking at him.

He’s got nothing. You figured.

“Dead Kennedys, ‘Straight A’s.’ Come on, man. It’s a good one, too. Sixteen on the honor roll, I wish that I was dead. That was me!”

“Whoa. What? What happened?” One of the others asks. He’s got flat ironed blonde hair and big hipster glasses, and his mouth is hanging open.

“Well,” you tilt your head, “Let’s just say my hair and eyebrows have fully grown back, and my parents don’t know my whereabouts. The punks took me in, and I never looked back.”

“What do you mean they took you in?” The one with the shaved head looks at you with genuine concern.

“Okay, so like, this is a bar. People play here. People also play empty buildings, and shitty old houses.”

They’re hanging on your every word.

“I used to run the doors for house shows, collect the five bucks or whatever, stop fights, and then I could sleep in the houses. Then they started paying me, I met my band, I met Mike… and now I’m here!”

You pose, attempting to look successful.

“That’s really cool, but also, like, sad. You don’t talk to your parents?” One of them asks, eyes glittering.

“Don’t need ‘em.” You try to smile reassuringly. You hadn’t meant to bring the vibe down, but hey, they’d asked.

Rodrick’s eyes are fixed on you. His expression is strange. You decide to break the tension.

“You gonna drink that, baby boy?” You tap your fingernail next to his shot.

He looks up at you, lips trembling like they’re trying to form words. His friends are cackling.

“Uh, y-yeah, totally.”

Oh. He’s never taken a shot. None of them have, you realize, as you look down the line and see full glasses.

“C’mon, losers! Take ‘em down! What are you here for?” You holler, channeling your best drill sargent, “I’ll do it with you, fuck it!”

You pour yourself a shot of shit whiskey, raising it in the air, “Let’s go!”

They mirror you and raise their glasses.

“Here’s to Big Rod and The Diapers!”

Gulp. You look around. They’re all puckering their lips and tearing up. You have a brief moment of recovery as well.

You exhale heavily, “Yeah, that’s what happens when you get well liquor. Does a body wrong.”

They laugh, still groaning.

You turn the music up from the big stereo behind the bar, and the guys are all chatting amongst themselves. They seem to be having a great time, and you’re prepping the back of the bar for the small crowd about to pour in at five.

The whiskey hits Rodrick’s head, and he feels pretty goddamn proud of himself. This place is awesome. They have a show here. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and decides he's finally going to call home. Hearing your story had made him actually miss his mom. Maybe she’d even be proud of him.

“I'll be right back,”

His friends wave him off, and he heads into a doorway where the bathrooms are. He dials the number and sighs heavily, shaking off his nerves.

“Hello?”

“Hey, uh, hey mom,”

“Rodrick! Oh, thank goodness, did you change your mind? Are you coming home? We can start applying to colleges again, and…”

“What? No, I… I got a show! At a real venue.”

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed, “Are you getting paid?”

“Wh- I don't know! It's in two days. I'll let you know. Nice to know you're still so supportive, though.”

“I'm just worried about you.”

Rodrick frowns, refusing to speak.

“Do you want me to put dad on?”

“No,” Rodrick scoffs, “tell Greg I say hi.”

He hangs up, standing there, sulking for a moment. Why the hell was he expecting anything different? Don’t need ‘em.

He hears a commotion towards the front of the bar. He peeks around the corner, and sees the bouncer restraining a short, stout guy with a shitty little mustache.

“Lemme go, Jimbo!” he struggles.

“Tony! We told you not to come back here!” You march around to the front of the bar and put your hands on your hips.

“What did I even do?”

“You got broken glass and blood all over the dance floor! You know who had to clean it up?” You're right up in his face, taunting him.

Tony is part of a small group who only come to shows to beat the daylights out of each other. They're sweet when you get to know them, but reckless, and horrible for the bar ecosystem. Last Saturday had been hardcore night, and Tony and his buddies had managed to turn a very respectful pit into an absolute bloodbath.

He's still squirming. The bouncer has him in a full Nelson at this point, he's not doing himself any favors.

“I had to clean up your fucking blood, asshole! That's a health hazard!” You land a light flick on his nose and he grumbles. It's probably broken, and you feel just a little bad. “Not cool!”

Jimbo carries him outside like a child and dumps him on the curb. Rodrick is slowly creeping to the front of the bar, eyes wide. He's cautious, but part of him can't help but think how cool you are.

“Dont come back! Remember what I said, I can put the Hell's Angels on your ass in a second!" The bouncer’s voice booms.

The rest of the band notice Rodrick’s presence and they share a frightened look. This is getting serious.

Jimbo shuts the door and laughs. He's a huge man, mountain-like even. He's got long hair with a beard to match, adorned with rings, like a viking. His laugh does not match how scary he is. He sounds like Santa Claus.

You're laughing too. Jimbo is the perfect bouncer; strong and intimidating, but a total softie underneath. He's the honorary uncle of everyone at The Strike.

“You're a Hell's Angel?!” Ben pipes up, shocked.

“Nah,” Jimbo chuckles, “I just have a beard and a bike. Little fuckers like Tony scare easy, though."

Rodrick feels his heart hurt a little less as everyone around him laughs. He could get used to this. It feels like being in a weird little family.

“Oh boy,” you say quietly, hearing the familiar sound of fuck, fuck, fuck! coming down the stairs. It's Mike.

“What’s goin’ on, Mike?” you ask, grabbing a glass and filling it with seltzer water, topping it with a lime.

“Fuckin, booze delivery Saturday, show Friday! Spring break! Fuckin… frat boys!" His voice is high and nasally. Rodrick immediately recognizes his voice from the radio show earlier.

He chugs the water in one go, and slams it on the counter.

“Mike, we got plenty. All the bottles are at least half full, and the walk-in has, like, fifteen cases of beer.” You say, refilling his glass.

“Frat. Boys.” He repeats, running a hand through his tall, silver hair.

Rodrick grimaces. He really, really hopes none of those frat boys will be from back home.

“Isn't this a punk bar, though?” Ward asks.

Mike moves his head like a meerkat to look at Ward, squinting through his Buddy Holly glasses.

“Who are you? And they don't care! They'll go anywhere there's noise and booze!”

“Alright. Focus. Ideas, solutions,” you try to recenter your neurotic boss.

“They said we could come get it, but that delivery’s not gonna fit in a goddamn ‘94 Corolla.”

Ben leans back from the bar and looks at Rodrick, raising his eyebrows. Rodrick gets it, and smiles back, pointing at Ben.

“We have a van!”

Mike whips around to look at Rodrick.

“Who are you?”

“We’re Löded Diper, uh, sir?” he cringes at his own words.

“Ew. Don’t do that.”

“I don’t know why I did,” Rodrick’s eye twitches, “but we’ll totally get your booze.”

Mike gives him a suspicious glare, then ducks behind the bar to grab a notepad. He scribbles furiously and waves Rodrick over to show him the paper.

“That’s where you go. That’s who you talk to. That’s our order. Be there at 11 AM tomorrow, get it here by 1.”

“We’ve totally got it!” Chris shouts from the bar, making Mike jump.

“Don’t fuck me over!” Mike turns to point at Chris, then makes his way back up the stairs.

You look at Rodrick, mouthing nice! and giving him a thumbs up. He nods, giving you a big grin. It’s the first real smile you’ve seen from him, and it gives you a little flutter in your chest.

Pretty cute.

~

Hold my head, make me warm

Tell me I am loved

Give me hope, let me cry

Make me feel

Give me touch

The guys are all passed out for the night. Rodrick finds the radio feed from earlier and puts his headphones in, laying back on the couch. This time, the host is different.

"This is 98.7, your last independent radio option in a hundred mile radius." A calm, warm voice greets his ears, and he has a pang of recognition.

Is that...?

"I've been thinking about this song a lot today," the host says, "this one's for whoever needs to hear it."

Brain death. Mind death. School damage! Straight A's!

Rodrick sits up. Holy shit. It is you!

He closes his eyes and lets the song take him over. For how dark the lyrics are, it's oddly comforting. Today had really made him feel less alone.

Life isn't just bullshit for him- he'd known that, of course- but now he knows it. He's seen it. He's not a disgrace for going after his dreams.

He's finally in a place where that's not such a crazy idea.

If you're okay, if four other bands are okay... he's gonna be okay. He doesn't need anyone's approval. Fuck 'em.

He lays back as the song ends and another begins, a sense of relief washing over him. Eventually, he falls asleep to the sound of your smooth radio voice mixed with crunchy, old punk demos.

Everything is gonna be okay.

He knows it.

[somerandomjewelleryonthefloor]

❝Welcome 'home'❞

A writing drabble, in which Jocelyn & Nova take Atlas to their home for the summer holidays...

(This is REALLY long... Like REALLY long, so long it has borders to separate sections.) (also if it's ooc, I'm very sorry. I wrote this at 5-12:00 PM lols.)

It was a long ride. They went from going from mirrors to a 2-hour ride in a personal chauffeur on the hillside.

All that filled the outside world of the car, was trees and fern. The occasional baby blue of the sky peeking out from branches, but only barely. The cool air of the AC inside the Rolls Royce, the flipping of pages, and the occasional shifting in the leather seats was the only thing that stopped the silence.

Atlas blew a piece of his silver hair out of his face as he looked dead on. He was looking around the car curiously. Having never been in one, he was surprised at how pleasant it actually was. Though he didn't want to admit it, the heated seats were cool.

Atlas was sitting in the middle. Arms folded. His legs were pressed together as his twin Jocelyn was sitting on his left blasting music through his headphones, and his 'sister' Nova was sitting on his right and reading a book.

As the trees cleared up, Jocelyn smiled brightly. He turned the music on his phone off before putting his headphones on his neck.

"Atlas, look!" Jocelyn pointed out the window.

Following his gaze, Atlas looked at the gigantic mansion made of logs and stone walls. It had a giant pathway that went from the massive wood patio to the two grand doors. All the lights inside were turned on, the inside looked like it was covered in amber. It was right next to a lake and in the hills. Incredibly secret.

When their chauffeur dropped them off, they stood in front of the massive doors as their bags were being taken care of by butlers.

"jeez..." Atlas looked up. Almost breaking his neck as he tried to look at the top of the mansion.

"it used to be bigger, but daddy and mummy thought it would be too big... So now instead of 5 stories, it's 3." Nova looked at Atlas, then she looked ahead and walked up the patio.

She knocked on the door.

A few minutes later, Another butler opened the door.

"ah, Miss Depp, welcome home..." He opened the door fully, so they all could get in.

"You too Mr Depp," he welcomed Nova and Jocelyn in with a smile.

He eyed Atlas through his bushy grey eyebrows before giving him a gentle nod as he saw his blocked-off posture.

"hello as well, Mr...?"

"Erndhart. At least that was my caretaker's last name," Atlas responded before letting himself in.

The butler shut the door after them.

"Then hello, Mr Erndhart"

The inside was just warm colours and the smell of hot chocolate everywhere. Atlas looked around, almost shocked.

As he looked, the inside was a mix of wood and marble. With a conversation pit in the middle of the entire place, a TV mounted on the wall, and high ceilings covered in a painting. On the side was a table that had 4 candles lit up next to a picture of young Jocelyn and Nova with their parents, a bowl full of mints and candies, and incense burning.

He took his shoes off with everyone else, as he looked around more. There was so much ground to cover, so, so, so much.

Nova flopped on the conversation pit couches whilst Jocelyn immediately went upstairs on the grand marble staircase that was on the left side of the main foyer that led upstairs. Atlas was more overwhelmed than anything; there was so much to take in and so many places to go to.

The heat inside made him feel comforted at least.

He slowly walked around, finding himself outside again in the backyard. The floor was stone as it was right above the lake the mansion was situated on. There was a thick log railing and torches of heat as the flames flickered in the slight wind.

He walked toward a currently lit-up outside fire that was in a deep pit and surrounded by cobblestones. Sitting in a plush cotton chair, he looked at the blazing red as tried to understand that this was what Jocelyn lived in his whole life.

Instead of a basic house, Jocelyn lived in a mansion, surrounded by butlers and maids, huge areas to play in, and 2 caretakers that let him... Live.

He found himself clenching his hands into fists, as his eyebrows furrowed. His parents babied and coddled him in luxury, instead of teaching him how to take care of himself. He also felt a tinge of... Shame. He found himself thinking about how his life would be, how he would act if he was wrapped in a blanket of diamonds and gold like Jocelyn since birth.

Maybe he'd be more posh and dramatic. Or maybe he'd be the same, but just grown up Attuneless.

"Oh, I didn't expect anyone else to be out here..." A husky voice rang from across the area as footsteps clicked on the stone.

When Atlas looked up, he saw a man with dark brown skin and dreadlocks pushed to the side looking at him. He was wearing linen pants and a satin shirt with a thick fluffy cotton scarf around his neck. His leather shoe heels clacked as he sat down across from Atlas.

The man took a quick look at Atlas, before smiling.

He was holding a few branches and a bag of marshmallows.

"ahh, you're Atlas. Jocelyn's twin, it's nice to finally see you..." His voice was gentle.

He opened the marshmallow bag, the smell of sweet sugar filling the air, as the man put a marshmallow on a branch and put it over the fire.

"I'm Cole, Jocelyn's father..." He slowly turned the branch as the flames licked up the sugary soft cube.

Atlas simply looked at him, confused and a bit annoyed. [Why the hell would you cook something so sugary over a fire?] He thought.

"caretaker, you mean." He simply said, blankly.

"Eh. To-may-to, to-mat-to" Cole responded.

The marshmallow turned a lovely dark golden brown as Cole finally took it out of the enclosed inferno. Taking the sticky gooey goodness off the stick and putting it in his mouth. Some of it got on his thick moustache and beard.

Atlas felt the urge to punch him. He was just so calm, and remembering how he and Jocelyn's other caretaker barely trained Jocelyn for Raife kept filling his mind.

"Why didn't you train Jocelyn to protect himself." He asked.

Cole looked up at him, a frown on his face as he swallowed the marshmallow in his mouth.

"Before Jocelyn was old enough, me and my wife found out that Raife was supposedly dead. And honestly, we really didn't want our Jocelyn to grow up so scared and hardened..."

Cole looked down at the fire as he continued, "So when we heard that, we just... Decided to raise Jocelyn as if he were normal... Well, he is normal. He's my son."

Atlas looked at him the entire time, leaning back in his chair. He was still annoyed, but he felt faint pangs of jealousy hit him whenever Cole said "Our Jocelyn" or "My son". No normal caretaker would do that, but... Maybe he just didn't have any experience with other caretakers besides the ones he grew up with, whom trained him into an experienced attuned.

He looked down at the clenched fists for a moment, that sat in his lap. His knuckles looked whiter than his vitiligo patch on his hand, and his arm trembled a little.

He suddenly got up. Cole simply smiled at him.

"I'll see you later Atlas, I'm glad you and my other children are okay." Cole then took another marshmallow and started the roasting process again.

────────────

Inside, Jocelyn was having a hot cup of Coco with Nova on a marble kitchen island. Sitting on Rose Gold stools.

Atlas had jammed his fists into his leather jacket pockets, as he approached.

"what's that? It smells... Disgustingly sweet." He smelt the chocolate, and almost grimaced at how sweet it smelt, "is there pizza rolls?"

"oh, yeah, it's in the freezer, Atty." Nova pointed to the bottom section that was separate from the fridge.

Atlas went over and opened it, with some difficulty. When he finally pulled it open, his eyes immediately widened.

4 separate packs for Pizza rolls, apple pie, dim sum, and lots of meats in plastic packaging; there were also chicken nuggets and a HUGE amount of ice cream.

"fucking hell." Atlas eyed it all. A bit intimidated. Who the hell has so much money for so much stuff? And he almost drooled at the amount of pizza rolls he could fire up and eat. Jeezuz.

He hesitantly grabbed one full pack out of the freezer, before kicking the freezer door shut.

Atlas held it in his hands as he grabbed baking paper from a drawer in the kitchen and placed it on a tray. He quickly grabbed it from the sink. It was bone dry.

Atlas opened the box and poured out 15 pizza rolls onto the covered tray. He grabbed it with one hand as she went to the humungous oven. Opening it, he put the tray in and shut the door. He took a guess and put the oven on 200° Fahrenheit.

As the pizza rolls cooked, Atlas looked around the kitchen. It was massive. Absolutely massive. When he looked in the pantry, every single shelf was packed to the brim with food and dry snacks. And the fridge was full of fresh vegetables and fruits and cold delights like chocolate.

He was more overwhelmed than he first was.

[who the fuck needs this much food!?] He thought as he slowly walked away, seating himself on one of the stools.

He was sat next to his twin brother, Jocelyn, who was looking at him with a grin.

"So... Do you like my home?" He asked, his excitement flaring in his eyes.

Atlas side-eyed him before muttering.

"it's... Alright... I guess..."

Jocelyn smiled wider when he heard that.

"oh wait, I forgot- you haven't seen your room! C'mon!" Jocelyn got up, chugging the rest of his hot chocolate (to the dismay of his sister).

He grabbed Atlas' arm, and he ran off to the main foyer to get to the stairs.

When he got to the stairs, he almost tripped twice as he skipped 2 steps in his long stride.

Upstairs in the second story, Jocelyn walked Atlas down a long hallway and into a big room.

It smelt strongly of jade and lavender. The room was plain, cremes and greys and blacks filled it. What caught Atlas' eye was the fact the bed was a double-kind size, and it had its own curtains on it... Which was unsettling. Anyone could go into his room and he wouldn't know.

Jocelyn pointed to the door that was on the right wall.

"you see that door?"

"yeah?"

"it leads to my room!"

"..."

Atlas' eye twitched.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"yeah. Mum and Dad wanted us to be close together after they heard that you're protective of me" Jocelyn responded.

Atlas couldn't believe it. Even in a mansion as huge as this one, he couldn't be somewhat away from his own brother. He had to deal with it though, as this would be his life for the next month.

Atlas walked over to the bed, touching it with his hands. He almost fell onto it as it was so plush and soft and dipped in his weight already. Atlas sat on the edge, and he felt himself dipping low into the bed. The blankets made it look much bigger than it was, volume-wise.

"you like it?" Jocelyn asked.

"no."

"I mean you could ask a butler to change it if it's that bad... But then again, you've never been in such a bed, so... Maybe give it a try?"

Jocelyn looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He then looked back out the doorway that he was leaning in, and saw the window outside was dark and full of stars.

Jocelyn promptly walked to the right wall of Atlas' room and opened it.

A huge light of pink blinded Atlas. He covered his face with a hand, squinting.

"jeez! What the fuck?"

Jocelyn didn't respond as he closed the door, Atlas removed his hand from his face. He looked ahead at him.

[oh shit, my pizza rolls] he remembered. He quickly got up and walked out to go back for his food.

────────────

In the kitchen, Atlas had all 15 pizza rolls stacked on a plate in front of him.

A woman was having some tea as she talked to Nova. She had a short fluffy bob with white streaks in the front of her bangs. A mole underneath her right eye, and her skin was tan in the warm light.

She looked at Atlas for a moment, her eyes going to the plate.

"So, you like pizza rolls." She stated, taking a sip of her tea. "I'll keep that in mind."

Atlas put a hot steaming pizza roll in his mouth and ate it. Cheese and tomato sauce melted on his tongue as he looked at the woman with a narrowed look.

She simply looked back at him with a blank look.

"I'm Sherry Depp, Jocelyn and Nova's mother. And I'm keeping that in mind so the next time we need to go shopping, I'll get some for you." She took another sip of her tea.

Atlas looked her up and down. She was in a Valentino white skirt, black heels, and a white blouse. She exuded an 'emotionless rich mother' in his mind.

After swallowing his pizza roll, he looked back at his plate.

"Are you just gonna stand there?" He asked.

"yes. I have nothing else to do than be with my kids." She shrugged. Looking back at Nova and giving her curly hair an affectionate pat.

Nova was reading her book still, flipping pages and inserting her bookmark on each page. Sherry looked at her with an affectionate gaze, though her face didn't display a smile. How subtle yet easy it was, to know what someone actually felt, solely through looking at their eyes.

Atlas continued eating his snacks, slowly. Savouring the taste of each one. Attuneless food tasted amazing in simple ways. No Magickal component to anything, only flavours and combinations that are kept with one sense- taste.

As he appreciated the pizza rolls, Sherry left as she got a phone call, her talking inaudible, and she left to go outside.

Having eaten all his food, he felt sleepy. Maybe it was all the incense burning, the lights, or just the atmosphere of comfort. He didn't know, and he knew he'd be annoyed if he tried to know- so he didn't.

He got up, blinking as he walked off to the main foyer, going to the staircase and walking up... One step at a time...

────────────

In the bathroom, Atlas brushed his teeth with the new toothpaste and toothbrush he got. Brushing away all the sauce stains from the food he just had.

He was in cotton pants and a shirt, and he was brushing his teeth gently. From one tooth to the next, the top/bottom of the teeth were brushed, even behind. It was weirdly nice. Brushing his teeth with minty minty paste, and then going to bed.

As he finished brushing, he cleaned his toothbrush in the sink, before putting it beside the cup of toothbrushes. He leaned down and spat out all excess toothpaste and yuck in the sink, before taking a drink of the water and swishing it in his mouth- before spitting it out again.

He stood up, looking at himself in the mirror for a brief moment before he turned and left the bathroom.

[my mouth feels clean... Hm...] He thought as he made himself to his room.

Shutting the door behind him, he made his way to his bed. Pulling the quilts and blankets off of it, so he could slide in. Staring at the ceiling as his head rested on firm but soft pillows, the mattress was great for his spine as he wasn't directly sleeping on the ground anymore in a sleeping bag.

Laying in bed, feeling how soft it all felt on his body, he felt uncomfortable. Moving around, kind of hoping to find a bag position to sleep in... But he couldn't. This bed was too good. He felt as if he was being spoiled and if he should sleep on the floor.

However, the carpet on the floor felt a bit thick and fluffy as well.

He turned on his side, the mattress dipping even more as he settled on this. He closed his eyes, and if he was still awake- he would be amazed at how quickly he fell asleep here, instead of needing a few minutes to keep his eyes closed before falling asleep.

...

Zzz...

[jackass-jones]

In my opinion, everyone in sees is autistic or some flavor of neurodivergent and I have organized my specific headcanons 😈

Kotone: the kind of autistic who was a “problem child”. She didn’t have any friends and would get into fights after her parents passed. She also has a short attention span and has trouble reading the room sometimes and will say things that maybe aren’t appropriate for a specific situation. And she has poor volume control when she’s excited, but will be very quiet in an unfamiliar environment. She wears headphones to avoid sensory overload and she’s very bouncy and always tapping or fidgeting with something

Junpei: the kind that does poorly in school due to short attention span and disinterest. He loses his homework all the time and was the kinda kid who could never sit still, always just getting up and walking around lol. He’s been yelled at by every adult in his life for being lazy and a failure and it sticks with him. Thinks the only way people can care about him is if he’s funny

Yukari: I think I have the least to say about her being autistic cuz im not sure if that’s really the root of her neurodivergence, but she has the energy of someone who’s always had to mask her whole life and then gets frustrated when there’s someone who doesn’t mask as much and they aren’t as ashamed about their behavior as she is. She struggles internally with unlearning that ableism and does try very hard to not let it show because she doesn’t want to be like the people that have made her feel like shit, but sometimes it slips out. It does make her very good at spotting others’ struggles with neurodivergence and she’s very defensive over others, but isn’t always good at treating herself the same way

Akihiko: literally so autistic coded I can’t believe it’s not even canon lol. He’s very smart but bad with social awareness and tends to take things very literally, like the way he defines strength is very literal physical strength. He has a special interest in sports and exercise and will infodump while happy as a clam. He’s got a short attention span and is just constantly running all over the place like this guy cannot sit still and when he likes someone and wants to be closer to them he just shows off all the shit he can do. He’s very very very emotionally repressed and has trouble understanding why others aren’t as good as repressing as he is (he doesn’t get why Shinji’s unable to “move on” from what happened to him, or why Ken would need the others to go looking for him after 10/4). Also he’s just awful at understanding his own feelings and what they mean and he’s ashamed of how easily he cries which is very real lol. I also just for fun hc that Miki was nonverbal autistic and her traits were just a lot more visible and she had more frequent meltdowns and never was able to receive any proper accommodations. She didn’t have any friends except for her brother and then eventually Shinji. I’d say that even if she didn’t have a proper diagnosis like, everyone knew she was autistic. I think because Akihiko is just so focused on being there for her he doesn’t really pay attention to his own traits until he’s older and thinks about it more and is like HUH WAIT. This then creates a spiral where everyone else becomes Aware of their own autism it’s an absolute catastrophe akdjsk

Mitsuru: ohhhh she masks so fucking hard she’s absolutely the type who literally has never let herself do anything that she wants, it’s all just whatever will make the adults in her life happy. And so she’s gonna have a massive identity crisis when she realizes she has no clue who she is because she’s never allowed herself to exist as a human and not a machine. She’s also got massive gifted kid burnout that’s gonna hit her like a truck at the same time unfortunately 😭. And in general she’s not very good at understanding her peers and has always gotten praised for being “mature for her age” and she’s also not the best at knowing when she’s being taken advantage of. And I don’t think she likes physical contact much please do not hug her she will hate it. Also burger becomes her same food

Fuuka: another one that’s just like oh my god how is this not canon. I think Fuuka is the only person in sees who’s gotten a proper diagnosis, but it happened when she was really young and her parents kept it a secret and ignored it. She’s always been horribly bullied for being gullible and weird and she gets taken advantage of easily. She’s desperate for validation. She’s very smart and passionate about what she loves but feels ashamed about her interests being strange. She’s deeply insecure that because she’s got more limits that she’s being useless to everyone around her. She hates loud noises hates fighting hates yelling and is the type who has frequent meltdowns. She likes to live in her own little world but is also lonely and doesn’t want anyone else to feel as lonely as she has. And i uh, am 100% projecting here but shes not good at eye contact and is always looking at the ground, she moves her arms a lot when she speaks, and she kinda walks weird like she waddles from side to side a bit

Aigis: I mean, she’s a robot so I’m not gonna say anything but also I mean she’s a robot desperately trying to understand humans and emotions so she’s an autistic icon 😩

Ken: I firmly believe Ken would be the type to have like a fursona and make like Sonic ocs and be into neopets absolutely. He knows all the fnaf lore and will be discussing it at the dinner table. He’s gullible but trying his best. He has trouble connecting with his peers. Hes “mature for his age”. He’s absolutely the type to get super bored whenever theres like a romantic subplot or some sort of character exploration subplot in one of his favorite shows he doesn’t understand why they aren’t FIGHTING that’s the BEST PART. It is much easier for him to do something if his special interests are involved he does well in school so that Naruto can be proud of him

Shinji: was a “problem child” he is very smart but sucks at school because he could never understand it and just the whole structure of everything never clicked with him and he’s always been told he’s a failure. He’s very quiet and has “scary” eyes so he was probably called a school shooter by his peers just because of that. He has difficulty with words and expressing himself. He gets along better with animals than he does people. He likes to make himself big to be threatening but whenever he’s in a situation where he actually needs to be social he freezes up and makes himself as small as he possibly can. He is essentially a cat lol. He has a lot of trouble managing his emotions and is the type to have meltdowns where he’s angry and is at risk of hurting himself or others. He wears the same clothes all the time. He has trouble with executive dysfunction and it’s hard for him to keep up with his hygiene. This is just a stupid thing but I love to imagine him as a secret warriors cat kid lol. And I also think he has bpd but that’s for another day

[brienneoftarth1989]

Hot Chocolate

Larissa Weems x Student!reader

Summary: Larissa is taking you to weekly therapy sessions. She suggests hot chocolate afterwards but you turn her down until one day you finally give in.

Warnings: mentions sexual assault and self harm (not detailed though)

Requests open

It’s that time of the week again that you dread so much. You knew you needed it but you honestly hated going. It drained you both physically and mentally but after the trauma you have been through therapy was your only option. That and Nevermore Academy wouldn’t accept you unless you agreed to these weekly sessions. You had been through a lot growing up. Childhood is supposed to be fun and easy but not for you. In fact it was the complete opposite for you.

You suffered a lot mentally due to the trauma you endured. You were sexually assaulted, you were bullied, you then went through the divorce of your parents, you struggled with your sexual identity and to top things off all together you were an outcast. Due to this you suffered greatly from depression and anxiety. You hurt yourself on purpose just trying to make your pain go away. Of course when the school found all of this out, therapy was of course the first thing they suggested. You needed to go to this school to help with your abilities and if that meant you had to go into therapy and get the help you so desperately needed then you were happy to comply.

Therapy was always on a Saturday for you. It was the most convenient time as it didn’t interfere too much with your studies. That also allowed Principal Weems to escort you into Jericho so you could attend these sessions. You dragged yourself out of bed so you could start getting ready to head off on your little adventure. After a quick shower and getting dressed into some comfortable clothing you were all ready for your outing. You grabbed your phone and your headphones and headed outside to find the car and principal Weems.

Once outside you spotted the car and Principal Weems sitting in the driver's seat waiting for you to get in. You sigh to yourself. You really don’t want to do this but it has to be done. You open the door of the car and jump into the passenger seat strapping yourself in ready for the car journey. Principal Weems smiled at you as you got in the car, turning her phone off and placing it in one of the cup holders out of the way. “And how are you doing today y/n?” She asked with a small smile plastered on her face.

“I’m alright, I guess, I just want this to be over with” you sigh “you don’t mind if I put my headphones in do you? I just want to listen to some music” you asked your principal. “If you want y/n you can connect your phone to the Bluetooth so we both can listen” she suggested continuing to smile at you. “I don’t think you will like my music Principal Weems. I would much prefer to listen on my headphones but if you want to listen to the radio too I don’t mind” you suggested as you placed your headphones on your ears as you pressed play on your rock and roll music that always seemed to make you feel better.

Larissa sighed to herself, starting up the car and heading to Jericho. The ride was silent for her at least. The only thing she could hear was the faint music that was coming from your headphones. Larissa could tell you were hurt badly and she was trying her best to get you to trust her by any means. You are just not letting her get close enough and yet she understands. After about fifteen minutes Principal Weems pulled up outside the office where you find yourself every Saturday for an hour and a half at a time.

When you realised you were here you unbuckled yourself from the car and jumped out. “Thanks again for the lift. I will see you in a bit” you said before closing the door and heading inside. You walked up the stairs to your therapist’s office before knocking on her door and waiting for a response from the other side. “Come in y/n '' you hear her say from behind the door. You enter into her office sitting down on one of her comfy chairs looking in any direction but at your therapist.

“So y/n how has this week been for you?” She asked. She always started these sessions with the same question before we always dived deeper. “Umm…well it’s been ok. Same old week like normal. I went to classes and just got on with everyday school life” you muttered looking down to your feet. “And what about friends? Are you making time for them?” She asked. “Well I still have Wednesday, Enid and Eugene as my best mates but as for making time for them…well I see them in class but as for that I normally just go straight to my dorm”

“Oh y/n! You really need to spend some more time with them. They are your friends. They are there for you. I don’t expect you to tell them your whole life story but if you spend more time with them it may feel like a place to escape to. Plus I’m sure they want what’s best for you.” She said, grabbing her notebook and your file to start the rest of your session. “So let’s get started,” she said looking at you with a smile on her face.

The rest of the session flew by in an instant. Talking about yourself has always drained you and at this point you just wanted to go back to school so you can sleep and cry. “Ok so your task for next week is to spend some time with your friends outside of lessons. It doesn’t have to be everyday but let’s say twice before your next session with me. Start small. It doesn’t have to be for hours. Even twenty minutes is a start. You will be surprised how much you could enjoy it” she said, handing over some paperwork to help you handle your emotions.

I very much doubt that you thought to yourself. “Thanks again Doctor. Same time next week? I will try my best with the friends thing but I’m not making any promises” you said smiling a little. “At least try!” She smiled back at you but you could tell she was being serious. You grab your stuff and head out of her office, back down the stairs and out to the car that Principal Weems was waiting in. It looked like nothing had changed except the crossword she was doing when you left looked almost complete. You opened the door making the principal jump slightly not expecting anyone to open the door. “Oh hey y/n! You made me jump slightly” she giggled “how was your session today?” She asked, trying to spark a conversation.

“Same as they normally are. I don’t really want to talk about it. Can we go back now?” The principal's expression changed ever so slightly that you wouldn’t even notice but deep down she was hurting slightly. She has always wanted what was best for her students and she wanted to be that person that people could come to when things weren’t right. I guess that wasn’t the case. “Well I was thinking maybe we could go to the Weathervane for a hot chocolate and something to eat if you’re feeling up to it?”

You looked back to Principal Weems who had a small smile plastered on her face. “I’m ok thanks. I just want to head back if that’s alright” you said putting your headphones back in and blasting your rock music. Larissa’s smile vanished immediately and hurt filled her up from the inside. She thought that she was someone students could come to. If you felt like this then who else does. With that she started the car back up and headed back to Nevermore.

Once you arrived you said goodbye to Principal Weems and headed back to your dorm. You were one of the few lucky ones that didn’t have a roommate. This way you could go to your room and cry for hours without worrying that you were disturbing anyone. This probably was not a healthy way of dealing with things however therapy was draining. By the end of most sessions you just felt overwhelmed and crying was just the best solution. Well it’s better than the alternative. So that’s what you did when you got into your dorm. You changed into your pjs before crying yourself to sleep knowing that you weren't disturbing anyone.

Well that’s what you thought. Larissa decided to check on you that afternoon and all she could hear was your crying. She just wanted you to open up to her. Maybe she could help. She knew that she couldn’t force you to do anything and maybe letting you come to her would be the better option. Her heart broke for you therefore deciding that every week after therapy she would suggest the idea of hot chocolate. Who knows maybe you would feel bad for her and finally give in to her pleas.

The rest of the week flew by. You did as your therapist instructed and tried to make efforts with your friends. She was right, it was more fun than you thought it would be. However you weren't going to let her know just yet. You and your friends all went out on the lake kayaking together before docking up and having a picnic for lunch. Wednesday decided it was a good idea to bring along her portable speaker so we could jam out to music all afternoon. It was nice spending time with them all in a setting that wasn’t the classroom. Larissa was also glad to see you spending time with your friends. One of her office windows overlooks the lake and was able to see you having a good time with your friends. She could tell that with time you would start to let yourself heal.

Before you knew it Saturday had come around again and you were preparing yourself for the same ordeal. In fact every Saturday for the next month and a bit felt like it was on repeat. The day would always start by you getting ready and meeting Principal Weems in the car. She would start a little conversation with you but of course the only thing you wanted to do was listen to your music. So you would put on your headphones and listen to your music all the way to Jericho. Principal Weems would drop you off before you went inside for the next hour and a half to speak with your therapist. Who at the end of each session would give you a little task to do for the next week plus any paperwork she thought you would need. You would go back out to the car to see Principal Weems with an almost completed crossword puzzle to which she would set aside once you were inside the car. She then like clockwork would suggest hot chocolate at the Weathervane to which you always turned her down before then heading back to Nevermore. That was until one week you had finally decided that enough for enough.

The day started like it normally did, you got in the car and drove down to Jericho. Principal Weems parked outside of your therapist’s office before you jumped out the car and headed inside. Therapy for you has actually started to become enjoyable. It didn’t seem so draining and you were able to complete each task given to you every week without it feeling like a chore and thanks to these tasks you were finally able to open up to your friends about your past which means you now have someone to turn to when you're feeling low.

As your session with your therapist came to an end you prepared yourself for the weekly question you got from Principal Weems. You thought by now she would have given up on the idea of hot chocolate at the Weathervane but man was she persistent. As you jumped in the car you waited for Principal Weems to ask her weekly question. “Hey y/n! Hope your session went ok. I was going to ask about going to the Weathervane but I’ve kinda taken the hint now that you don’t want to go. So come on strap in. I will take you back to Nevermore” she said, starting up the car and putting her seat belt back on.

“Actually Principal Weems I was kind of hoping that we could go to the Weathervane today for hot chocolate” you said with a small smile plastered on your face. “Oh..well I wasn’t expecting that response.” She turned off the car and got out with you following her actions. “Come on then. Let’s go get something to eat and drink.”

You felt sorry for your principal. This whole time she was trying to do something nice for you to make this whole experience just a little bit easier. Trying to make you feel like you had someone to turn to and this whole time you just pushed her aside. You felt like an idiot. This whole time she had been trying to help you and you wouldn’t even let her try. As you rounded the corner the Weathervane came into view.

“So y/n, what would you like to eat and drink?” She asked, looking down at you with a big smile. “Umm…could I please get a medium hot chocolate and a rhubarb and custard danish if they have any. If they don’t I will just have a croissant” you said looking up to your principal and then back down to your feet. Unfortunately you still couldn’t hold eye contact for too long so who knows what this could turn out like. As you walked through the doors of the Weathervane, Principal Weems told you to go sit down at one of the booths while she went to order the food and drinks. You choose one of the booths in the far corner but by the window so you could look outside if you so wished. You did like people watching it was always quite entertaining.

After about five minutes Principal Weems came back with a couple of cakes and sat down opposite you in the booth. “They had your danish, our drinks should be over shortly," she said, sliding your plate across the table so you could tuck into your little morning snack. “So what made you change your mind then y/n?” she asked just before taking a bite out of her croissant. “Well there are a couple of reasons why I changed my mind. The first being I felt bad. You asked every week and every week I turned you down. It has taken me this long to realise that you were just looking out for me and was giving me someone else I could rely on. The second reason is that I just fancied hot chocolate” you said giggling.

“Well then” she laughed “well I’m glad you have finally allowed yourself to trust me. I never planned to bring you here so I could pry into your life. I never wanted you to tell me what happened in your sessions. I just thought it would be a nice place to go where we could hang out for a bit and chat just to make life that tad bit easier. We could talk about anything” she said. It was nice that she cared for you and just wants you to feel safe and cared for.

The waiter came over placing both your drinks on the table before walking back over to their station to continue making more hot drinks for the rest of the customers in the little cafe. You and Principal Weems continued to talk about your lives until you had both finished your food and drinks. To be honest this was nice. Why you didn’t say yes in the first place was beyond you. Maybe if you had the happiness that now fills your body then maybe it would have come a lot sooner.

From that day onwards you and Larissa, which she has now allowed you to call her, always spend your lunchtime at the Weathervane every Saturday after your therapy session. It was nice to finally have a teacher you could trust with your life and you valued the friendship that has developed between the two of you.

[tmwcs]

HHP - Chapter 15 part 4 (18+MDNI)

This part is a flashback piece reflecting Heethan's past ;)

The reference i used for "The Ghost and the Darkness" is actually a film based off real life events about two man-eating lions in Africa. Scary i know. But i thought the name was fitting, you'll see why. Also, the reference for the "hau" in regards to Polynesian legends, was based off research of actual mythologies in regards to their tales of spirits and ghosts, but if anyone knows of any mistakes or misunderstandings in regards to how i used the reference, please message me or send me an ask and correct me. I had to do lots of research for this part. Enjoy.

“Heeseung! Come in and clean yourself, dinner is ready.”

The man calls out to his son as he observes the little boy playing outside, admiring the small butterflies that danced around him.

The little boy doesn’t respond, just nods as he slowly makes his way to the door. After dinner, he goes upstairs and changes his clothes, remaining ever so quiet and calm. For a boy his age, Heeseung was always cognizant of his surroundings; observant, creative, and never stressed or cried about anything. His room was filled with lego models, figurines, and stacks of music discs along with an old CD player attached to a pair of headphones. His room was well furnished, clean, and situated in a wide-open space concept, lacking the traditional items that any other seven-year-old boy would have in his room.

There, he secludes himself in a calm manner. His parents and elder sibling never worried, at least not anymore, the boy had always been the type to remain aloof and spoke very few words. He was the type to listen instead, and always included his two cents during a time when he felt it was needed, such as the moment when he found his dear mother crying at the kitchen table, upon finding out that her father had passed away. Heeseung loved and admired his father, yet when it came to his mother, there was a special place in his heart for her. She was the first face he’d laid eyes on when he was born, the first voice he heard screaming into the air when she brought him out into the wide-open world, and the first smile to witness when he was held with the warmth and comfort of her arms.

She was the first….

Upon seeing her cry, at the time, little four-year-old Heeseung merely stepped over to her side and rubbed her back as she sat, leaned over, with her head laying on the table. Turning to look at him, she softens a smile at seeing her little boy comfort her with a soft and calm demeanor, not saying anything, just giving her an adorable smirk as he looks at her with love and sympathy in his eyes. He rubs and pats her, takes her by the hand and holds on to her for a moment or two. Her heart was healing at the sight of her little boy’s affection.

‘My little Heeseung…’

Now that he was seven, his age only enhanced his traits as he became more attentive and knowledgeable in human emotions, reaction, pain and love. He was so very different from all of the kids at his school, even the teachers, who enjoyed having him in their classes, had always preached that Heeseung was far beyond his time and should have been bumped up to the next grade level, which his parents agreed to yet refrained upon hearing his adamant request to remain in his current grade, where his best friend, Jake, shared all of the same classes.

Changing into his pajamas, which featured his favorite characters from Toy Story, he places his headphones on and puts on a song to listen to. Nodding his head to the beat, he smiles.

‘I like this song.’

‘……Me too….’

From afar, it would appear the boy was deep in thought, when unbeknown to everyone that knew hin, he had multiple conversations throughout the day with someone. All internal, yet there was a strong bond that he built since the moment he learned to understand, read, and speak the meaning of words. Since then, a connection was made with someone….someone who had been born the same time as him, and was cradled by his mother’s arms just as he was. Someone who also loved his mother, felt the joy and laughter of her voice as the first, her smile being the first one to set standards of what happiness really was. Someone…who was him yet different.

‘Ethan, what do you want to watch before bed?’

‘Megamind!’

‘Hahahaha.’

As the boy grew, so did his other side….

‘Hey, what do you feel like watching?’

‘Donny Darko.’

‘Why? I don’t like that movie, it’s so dark…’

‘That’s why I like it.’

By the time they turned fifteen, they had already dominated the features of themselves and learned to develop a delicate balance of having two personalities sharing one body. They mastered the effect of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.

‘Hey man, what do you want to watch?’

‘Anything that’s psychological or thrilling.’

‘Kay kay, let me look through the channels.’

…………………………………….

“Hey Heeseung! Over here!”

Heeseung turns and watches his best friend, Jake, running over to him. A large smile graces his handsome face as he waves over, breaching near his dear friend.

“Did you get a map of the school? Isn’t this crazy? We’re starting high school in a month!” Jake exclaims.

Being the younger of the two didn’t make a difference regarding the young man’s eagerness for adventure, excitement, and of course experience with girls. Heeseung on the other hand, had absolutely none. Much like when he was a young child, he remained reserved, calm, and composed, therefore he indulged himself in the exact opposite, such as his model figurines, music, or video games.

“Yeah, I’m excited too.” The older boy responded calmly, with an aloof expression on his face.

Once the school year began, the pair was always seen together, although people remarked how odd they would look like as friends, considering the handsome Jake always displayed a neat hairstyle, decent clothes, a wide smile and knew how to flirt with the girls.

Heeseung on the other hand, always wore hand me down clothing from his elder brother, had unkept hair that covered his eyes, and he was so tall that his elder brother’s attire would enhance his lanky and awkward limbs, which did not work in his favor considering when his elder brother was his age, he was of larger stature, yet not as tall as Heeseung.

Wearing assorted rings on his fingers, Heeseung displayed a liking to dark and mythological jewelry pieces with elven features. Along with the rings, he sometimes adorned a bracelet or a pair of wrist bands, yet the most notable of his attire and accessories, were his black, thick framed glasses. It never bothered him with how they made him appear less appealing, especially compared to his younger friend. Despite encompassing the zenith appeal of a nerd boy, or even the school dweeb or loser, no one dared to remark such words in his presence, because even though he may have looked the part, Heeseung’s demeanor and confidence was ever so present. The constant sway of attitude he had as he walked, not caring about the words or whisperings that occurred behind his back, he may have been the loneliest and least experienced when it came to girls, but there was something about his persona that they couldn’t help but notice and admire.

‘I wish they would try and say something to my face.’

‘If they do, I’ll fuck them up. I’ve watched enough dark movies and horror thrillers to build up a twisted side.’

‘Ethan…you ARE twisted.’

‘Yeah well, that’s because you’re not. You’re too soft, without me, these fools would eat you up.’

‘Yeah…okay.’

Apart from having Ethan to boost his confidence when it came to standing his ground and flaring off a nonchalant attitude, he also had Jake.

There wasn’t necessarily a dull moment in his life, he had a variety of conversations with Ethan, would enjoy moments in class with Jake, and had his music and video games. The young man was set. Of course he took notice of some of the girls who would frequent the pathways of the duo as they would always vie for Jake’s attention, some were pretty, some were even sexy, and while he would glance over as they flirted with his best friend, his conversations with Ethan only became more enhanced in discovering his hidden sexual nature.

‘You see that girl?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You think she’s cute?’

‘She’s alright. I like girls with longer hair better.’

‘Yeah, I can agree with that.’

‘But I hate the way they talk and sound. Like they’re trying to hard.’

‘Maybe…I guess I can see that. I don’t think I’d want to deal with the drama that Jake goes through anyhow.’

‘Yeah? I wouldn’t mind it. I’d just put her in her place.’

‘That’s so?’

‘Yeah. What would you do?’

‘Depends how bad it is. If it’s too bad, I’d ditch her. If it’s somewhat doable, I’d probably just makeup with her.’

‘Man, that’s so boring. Gotta add some pain in that ‘makeup’ part.’

Being a young man, when it came to sex, he was no different from his male counterparts, although unlike them, he felt content with the smut themed videos and magazines that he became so familiar with, all due to not knowing what he was missing out on. Perhaps it was the annoyance of how the girls displayed themselves, or how they seemed to lack any sincerity with the way they spoke, the man just couldn’t find himself to become interested to take a step up and interact or build a rapport with his female peers.  

The next couple of years, at the beginning of their Junior year, a moment of opportunity presented itself and caused Heeseung…and Ethan to change.

“Heeseung, let’s go to the party tonight, it will be fun. You’ve never went with me and the group, come out with us for once.”

As Jake emphasizes his request to his friend, Heeseung sighs as he looks down at him, noting how much taller he was now that they were a couple years older. He had always towered over his friends, yet it seemed he was nowhere near finished growing as he continued to reach a towering height and was even encouraged to be a part of the basketball team, which he declined as his glasses would have presented a problem while playing, not to mention he had no interest in contact lenses and still refused his parent’s in getting him Lasik surgery, much to their dismay. Instead, he took great joy in dribbling and shooting hoops after school hours by himself. He did enjoy the sport, much to his surprise.  

“Yeah sure, I’ll go.” He sighs a smirk at noticing his friend’s eyes lighting up with delight.

“Cool man! I’ll have to introduce you to everyone since it’s your first time going. This is going to be so much fun!”

That night, as Jake took his friend and mingled around, getting his awkward friend to interact with the boys of his soccer team was a bigger chore than he had expected. Yet it wasn’t as much of a headache as it was to get his best friend to gain some interaction with the girls, something that had never happened, and from the looks of it, it wasn’t going to. Heeseung just didn’t enumerate any vibe that was worth their interest.

Though he wasn’t scared of girls, he would peer off the moment a girl came into his presence. He may have been a little shy. All throughout the night, he continued to shift his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose, drink juice out of his cup while the others indulged in alcohol, despite being underage, and awkwardly stood off to Jake’s side while staring at the wall, listening into on the conversations from everyone around him.

Still, his friends all were eager for their elder friend to engage with some of their female peers. Jake, knowing how much of a recluse his friend was, desired nothing more than to have Heeseung come out of his shell. Despite his best efforts, Heeseung was just too stubborn in his manner that he was content with being left alone.

Alone.

Never having any aspirations into building relationships, or even the concept of being married someday or having children, the young man foresaw a future where he would be on his own and follow his career path. There were times where he deeply yearned for the love that he saw between his parents, but ultimately saw that as a spark that would never exist for him, or his friends, considering the amount of drama and heartbreak he witnessed Jake, and the others had went through.

“Man, why did you have to bring ‘Nerd-than’ to the party? He’s so awkward and quiet, he scares the girls.”

“Hey bro just give him a chance, that’s why I brought him. He needs to socialize a bit more, he’s like a brother to me.” Jake responds back.

Outside of their group, a lot of the boys from school watched with a disdainful expression on their faces as they watch the extremely tall and lanky young man standing off to the side of wherever Jake was, with either his back leaned against the wall or leaned over and resting his elbows on the countertop. He looked bored, and uninterested.

The girls all whispered and gossiped, with his unfashionable attire, his messy hair, and large, thick framed glasses, the boy was far from looking desirable, especially when next to his dashing friend. His somewhat shy and quiet personality did not help the matter.

Yet he was a good sport about it. Never once complaining or hissing at anyone, just observant and quiet like he always was and allowing Jake to drag him along to mingle with the party goers.

“Hey, Ethan. You see that girl over there?”

One of the boys exclaims, pointing over to a girl from across the room. She was pretty, skinny, and dressed in high class fashion.

“That’s Trina Meyers. She’s a Senior at our school, she’s dated all the popular guys and has a reputation for not being too picky, despite how’s she’s dressed. Go and talk to her, she’s checked you out a couple of times. I think she might have thing or nerds.”

Leaned over on the countertop, with his hands clasped together as his elbows remained propped, Heeseung doesn’t move right away, he just turned his head and looked over at the girl. Sure enough, she did glance over to him with a sweet smile, occasionally biting her lower lip down, yet he remained still in his spot next to Jake.

Seemingly disinterested, Jake encourages his friend, ultimately agreeing with the boys that he should go talk with the girl.

“Hyung, go on. You should go talk with her, just have a friendly chit-chat.” Jake issues as he pats on the older boy’s back, giving him a small smile as Heeseung adjusted his glasses.

Standing up, revealing the full height of his frame, which happened to be the tallest out of anyone in the party, Heeseung walks over to her.  

‘I think we should have stayed in tonight.’

‘…..’

‘Ethan?’

‘Talk to her.

‘You’re excited?’

‘You’re not?’

‘I don’t know…kind of shy I guess.’

‘I’m not…..definitely am not.’

‘Well, you’re not scared of anything Ethan.’

‘……….’

The moment he ended his conversation with his other half, he found himself already squared up to the girl. Right in front of him, she giggles while looking into his eyes through his wide lenses.

“Hi….whats your name?” The girl playfully asks. Regardless that Heeseung was inexperienced, and this was his first time talking to a girl, let alone being this close to one, he could tell that she was the exact opposite by her mannerisms. The girl had obviously slept with enough men to know what she was into by her suggestive gestures as she kept eyeing him up and down, biting her lip, and keeping her mouth open as she flickered her tongue while licking the inside of her cheek.

“….Ethan.”

Apart from Jake and a few other close and personal friends who were all Korean ethnicity like him, he didn’t like anyone else calling him by his birth name. That was something he considered a special privilege that only a selected few have earned to call him by.

 “Cute.” The girl remarks, giggling once more.

Looking around with a slight devious expression on her face, she takes a half step forward and grabs his hand. He was so much bigger with his height, his frame, his broad shoulders, and his hands; being that he was only seventeen didn’t mean anything, he went through a growth spurt and started to develop a manly build, that despite his elder brother’s clothing drowning him, once up close, it was evident that the young man carried some muscle.

She begins walking off to the side, dragging him behind by his hand. Confused and puzzled, he looks back at his friends who all either stood with an excited expression on their faces or just laughed. Jake looked almost somewhat concerned, yet he displayed a reassuring smile as he nodded towards his friend.

People issued out harsh stares that fully expressed their judgement on the pair as they made their way upstairs. It was odd to him at first, when he initially questioned at how the girl knew her way around the house, yet he was reminded of her promiscuity after they entered a room, and she sat him down on a lounge chair where her experienced with men came into light as she sat on top of him.

Straddling his lap, she kisses him. He didn’t know quite what to do, this was the first time he’s ever kissed anyone, so he did what any other young man would do in this situation….

“Aren’t you going to kiss me back?” the girl asks, looking at him with a faded smile and a raised eyebrow.

As shameless as he naturally was, Heeseung answered honestly.

“I don’t know how. This is the first time I’ve been kissed.” He answered in a monotone, with an aloof expression on his face. He was not at all surprised, shocked, nor was he smiling.

Scoffing, the girl looked at him and giggled yet again.

“Wow, I know you’re a nerd and all, but…I kind of figured you had done something with all the less than popular girls at our school.”

He didn’t answer or make any remark to her statement. It was quite shallow, and he didn’t care for the tone she had used.

“Well, that’s okay…I don’t mind. I kind of been digging the whole nerd vibe plus…you being a virgin is kind of a plus for me…. I’ve always wanted to see a horny nerd get off the first time.”

Once again, her tone was condescending, and Heeseung responded honestly, in his usual fashion.

“I’m not horny.”

The girl looked at him wide eyed. He wasn’t horny? Even with HER sitting on his lap?

Every guy gets horny for her, why wouldn’t they? She was pretty, skinny, and was dressed cute and sexy, giving off all the hints of what she wanted…yet he wasn’t horny?

Taking slight offense towards his honest remark, the girl rolled her eyes as she grabs on to his shoulders.

“Well…we’ll see about that once we get going.” she was quite irritated.

Yes, she did want to have sex with the prime candidate in front of her, yet, after his brutal remark, she decided to have some fun. With her intentions changing, she figured after getting a few knocks out of him, that it would be sweet revenge to leave him high and dry, as a lesson for offending her.

‘Nobody says that to me.’ She mentally scoffs as she displays a deceiving smile to the boy.

Kissing him, she begins to grind on him, cupping his cheeks as she conducts her movements with her hips.

For the first time, Heeseung felt the sensation of human touch and sexual tension. It started off feeling similar to whenever he got in the mood in the privacy of his own room and took care of himself with his hand, yet this was much more intense as he felt a separate being rubbing him, touching him, and kissing him.

‘This…this feeling.’

‘This is…not like when I….’

‘I can’t….I can’t control it…’

‘I want…I want to….’

Heeseung remarked towards himself, when suddenly Ethan’s voice emerged in his mind.

‘Fuck her.’

‘What?’

‘Ruin her.’

‘What are you saying? Ethan?’

‘I’m saying…lets fuck her brains out. Let’s fuck her hard and give it to her.’

‘I…don’t know if I can…be that rough.’

‘You can…you just don’t know it yet but that’s why you have me. Follow my lead, I’m everything you’re not and I’m about to show you just what I mean, Heeseung.

With both their voices in sync internally, Heeseung and Ethan speak with the sense of lust and sexual tension rising in their body.

‘Can we…?’

‘We can….’

His hands slowly rise, he grips the girl by her hips and begins to motion her movements that made him feel more of her, causing him to reach a peak of excitement in his groin. With all types of thoughts racing through his mind, Heeseung found it hard to focus on what exactly he wanted, he wasn’t sure just how to handle this girl...but the moment that he felt himself faltering, Ethan came out, sharing half of his being with him.

‘Its okay. I know what you want. And I am going to help you get there.’

Feeling the sudden tightness of his grip with his fingers digging into her hips, he shoves his face into the nook of her neck and sucks on her skin before re-engaging with the kiss.

Surprised by his gesture, the girl breaks the kiss slightly, only to issue out a smile of satisfaction.

“Hmm..well that was quick.” She giggles. This was too easy for her. Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, she pulls out a condom.

“Take it out.” She softly remarks, hinting at the boy’s growing hardness beneath his jeans.

Slowly, he looks down and does as she bids, fishing through his jeans and his briefs, he whips out his length, and there the girl, shockingly surprised by how enormously large he was, witnessed his massive girth and size as it remained extended, slightly tapping off of her pelvis and thighs.

“Oh…my God…you’re huge!” she exclaims.

The fluffy haired boy looked up with absolutely no expression on his face. He wasn’t embarrassed nor shocked. He already figured considering whenever he watched adult rated videos, he couldn’t help but noticed that the female leads would always praise their male counterparts for having such big talents yet didn’t seem like they were all that big when he compared sizes to himself. He would always wonder what they’re reaction would be if it was him fucking them versus the male actor in each film.

She slips the condom on him, watching as it barely fit, merely covering only half of his length.

‘Oh this is going to be fun.’ The girl merely mused herself, practically drooling over the sight of a largely endowed nerd boy, taking note that he was the biggest out of all the guys she’s had, to include the entire football team.

As she shifted, she scoots her thong off to the side of her folds, and begins to insert him in, slowly. Slightly wincing, she takes a slight pause as she felt an enormous pressure and stingy pain as she guided him deeper inside.

“God…how big are you?” she remarks as she furrows her brows, her eyes remained winced shut from adjusting to the painful stretch..

He didn’t answer, instead he merely watched as she remained stagnant mid entry. Though it was his first time, there was no question in knowing what to do, natural instincts kicked in as he held on to her waist, and pulled her down, causing the girl to yelp in shock and pain as he slid a few more inches of his muscle inside her, stopping just slightly above the ring of where the condom ended, leaving the raw half of his length out. Regardless, with half of him inside, the girl began to shake in pain and a rush of pleasure that was starting to build up in her gut.  

Looking at him, she was caught by surprised at what she saw, his face…he had a devilish smirk and his eyes looked somewhat different. They still had the roundness to their shape, yet there was a slight hint of narrowness to their lining, his brows appeared straighter, and his smirk was issued to her as he bit down on his lip, his eyes widening in a seemingly sinister gaze as he bears his teeth through a maliciously amused expression.

His face was…the same…but also different. It was like he had two different expressions into one.

“I know you’re a loose girl, but you’re clean, right?” he smiles maliciously as he asks in a condescending manner, in which the girl found herself speechless and nodded, not even offended by his question as she was stunned by his change of demeanor.

Overwhelmed with shock at the sight before her, her lips quivered and her eyes widened, with a hint of moisture coating her eyeballs as she felt a slight bit of cold chills traveling throughout her body.

His voice…

His voice was still a deep tone, yet there was something dreadful about it, unlike how he spoke a few seconds ago.

Scoffing at her response, he merely adds on, “Good. Then you can take it all in.” as he spoke, he adjusted her body by pulling her down even further. Feeling his hands pull her down by the waist, fully submerging himself inside her, she yells out from the painful stretch.

“Wa-wait! S-stop!” she issues out.

Whispering out a long-exhaled gasp, he presses his lips on her neck.

‘I’ll kiss her.’

‘I’ll grab her.’

‘I’ll push her.’

‘And I’ll pull her.’

Before she could fully relish the feeling of his hot breath on her skin, she felt her body bouncing up and down by his controlled movements.

He was hard, yet soft.

Fast, yet slow.

Rough, yet gentle.

As each second went by, she felt the sweet and saltiness of his vigor as she succumbs to the sensation of his thrusts, his touch, his kisses, his bites, and his licks. All of which she has felt before from other men, yet, the way he conducted them, the way he just knew what to do and when to do it, it was like…

‘I feel like I’m getting fucked by two different men…all at the same time….oh my God this guy…what is he doing to me? I…I can’t…it feels too good…the way he’s fucking me….it feels…too…good.’

The girl couldn’t help herself. Catching herself screaming out her moans, knowing full well that she should be quieter to avoid everyone downstairs from hearing her, even though the loud music was booming.

She noted how piercing her screams of pleasure were as she was relentlessly forced to bounce at a tremendous pace on the boy’s muscle. The way he would twitch it inside as he re-enters, or how his fingers would dig in when he thrusted out, all the while he would assault her neck and jawline with his mouth. He would go slow and steady, then switch it up to fast and hard.

‘It’s my turn.’

Alternating between the two sides of his being, he unleashes Heaven and Hell as he continued to fuck the girl relentlessly. For him, this was all new, yet he did exactly what his body told him to do. Whatever made him feel good, he did it. Whatever made her scream in pleasure, he did that too. He did everything that heighted her response and made him feel the explosion.

‘Time to switch.’

Fucking, pulsating, twitching, and throbbing, his stamina remained steady as he continued his act, all the while he felt the girl’s body going limp, shaking and quivering at every inch as he felt the lubricating moisture dripping down to the exposed parts of his length.

‘My turn again.’

Pulling, grabbing, pushing, thrusting, and bucking, he penetrates into the deepest part of her as she felt the tug of his grasp on her hair, while his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as he goes in further and further into her, parts of her that have never been touched by any man, yet he was able to reach it…and it felt so damn good, to the point that she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Oh my God….pl-please….oh my God I’m going to cum!!” she screams out in between exhausting and pleasurable gasps.

“Pl-please…cu-cum! Please cum!” she pleads.

Yet, in response, he smirks that same devilish grin as he continued each thrust.

“Nah…we still have a ways to go babe.” His tone was deeper now, it was chilling and though it carried the same softness that was present all throughout the night, there was something eerie about the way it sounded…

‘Did…did he just growl?’

Wide eyed and feeling panicked as the heightened sensation of pleasure builds up, she slams her hands on his chest, digging her fingers into the material of his shirt as she was rendered to the increase tempo of his thrusts. The feeling of being trapped in his grasp as he kept bringing her up and down, there was something so dark, twisted, and sexy about it. Yet he displayed a soft and compassionate side as he sweetly kissed her neck, coating his saliva over every bite as he licked over them, and gently nibbled along her jawline while whispering tender words into her ear.

She couldn’t tell how long she had been getting fucked. He had her reaching a stage of overstimulation as she already came multiple times, yet he still was fucking her with such immense stealth as she felt herself being loosened by his act.

“Pl-please!! Ca-cant take…..anymore!” she gasps out in between moans. Her breath was airless, her voice was lacking any tone as she reached a high pitch in her vocal cord.

‘Hmm…Do-La.’

Remarking the tone of her pitch with his natural born gift, he hardens his thrusts as he found himself becoming close.

‘This is….’

‘Like nothing…’

‘I’ve ever felt…

‘Before….’

‘I wonder…’

‘What this would be like…’

‘If….I was….’

‘With someone….’

In sync, their voices unite as they internally mused the last bit of their thought…

‘I loved...’

As both, Heeseung and his Ethan side became pensive over the sensation of having someone to touch, to hold, to grab, to kiss, to physically please while being pleasured himself, he finally understood the reasoning behind his friends yearning for companionship, such as Jake. For every second he was with this girl, the feeling was great, yet…it would have been greater if it was someone he cared about. Someone who cared about him. Someone that he could protect and love, while also being loved in return.

…………………..

After reaching his orgasm and releasing into the worn condom that barely remained on after the intense nature of his act, he sat still on the chair as he rubbed his hands on the girl’s back.

“Shhhh…” he whispers into her ear as she buries her face into his shoulder, breathing heavily, worn out with her chest heaving deeply trying to recover from the intensity of the multiple orgasms she had just felt.

His glasses were beginning to slide off yet again. All throughout the act, he had to keep pushing them up, which normally wasn’t an inconvenience for him, yet tonight, he found that it was.

‘Maybe Lasik wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all…’

Taking off his glasses, he places them down to the table next to the seat. He couldn’t make out much without them, yet it was refreshing to have them off as he continued to gently pat the worn-out girl who rested her entire limp weight on his frame as he remained composed and resting aback to the seat of the chair.

After a few minutes, she finally was able to regain some composure, raising her head slightly, she was caught off guard by his immediate action of kissing her lips.

‘Stick your tongue in there, Heeseung.’

‘Rub her canines, Ethan.’

‘Flicker it inside her mouth.’

‘Shove it deep into her throat.’

Gasping for air, she pulls back slightly only for him to forcefully bring her back in without so much as giving her a single breath for air. Placing her hands on his chest she pushes herself back and away and took in full deep breaths as she finally was able to replenish the lack of oxygen in her lungs.

Looking down, her hair a mess, her eye makeup staining her face from the tears that emerged out of pure pleasure with a slight bit of pain, her lips began to part as she finally took notice that the boy didn’t have his glasses on. Through the little bit of sweat that dripped from his forehead, at some point he had swooped all his hair off to the side and away from his eyes, revealing a little bit of his forehead exposed, as well as the black peepers that had laid beneath the strands.

She hadn’t noticed considering he had her on cloud nine the entire time, but now that she could see clearly, she found herself blushing. He was so handsome, much more handsome than she would have imagined had she pictured him without his hair covering his eyes, or the thick framed glasses decorating his face.

Gasping out of shock, just slightly, he tilts his head as he furrows his brows in confusion upon hearing her harsh breath escaping her lips, since his vision was somewhat blurred, he couldn’t make out her expression.

“What?”

“N-no…nothing….you just….look so different without your glasses…and your hair…”

Shifting his eyes to the ground, he smirks.

“Is that right?” He remarks in a teasing tone.

“Ye..yeah….you said your name was Ethan…right?”

“Mmhmm…”

“….Ethan……do you want to….do something next Friday night?”

Eventually word caught on about Ethan’s act. Girls were in disbelief, while the boys were both amused and confused at the prospect of Ethan being such a stud when it came to sex.

The entire school had become even more shocked after one week, while being excused and absent, Ethan returned looking like a different man.

He no longer had on the glasses. The weeklong absence was for his recover from Lasik surgery, which he finally agreed to let his parents arrange for him. But there was something else.

He no longer had on his elder brother’s hand me downs. Relying on his friend Jay, who took his fashion sense in a serious manner, he allowed his longtime friend to clean out and replace his entire wardrobe. Still opting for casual attire, Jay kept the honesty of Heeseung’s personality and true nature as he helped pick out a myriad of relaxed outfits, while also blending in some sophisticated pieces of high-end brands.

During one of Jay’s thorough shopping trips, a small tattoo boutique caught Heeseung’s eye. While waiting for his friend to check out, he decides to explore the shop.

Walking in, he was greeted by a Samoan man of very large stature.

“Hi there, what can I help you with?”

Heeseung merely looked around and mentioned that he was just looking as he was waiting for his friend to finish shopping.

“You Korean?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, there’s quite a few Koreans in New Zealand, that’s where I’m from.”

Raising his eyebrows, Heeseung noted the man’s nationality as he mentioned Jake’s place of birth.

“I have a friend who is from Australia, he says there are a lot of Korean’s over there as well.”

“Yeah, you’ll find a good amount of them here and there. Were you born there?”

“Yeah.”

“You plan on going back?”

“Eventually. I got plans after I do college.”

“Ah I see.”

As Heeseung took his time noting all the decorative photos and art of tattoo designs, he noticed a display of jewelry for piercings.

“You have any piercings? Or are those just clip on’s that you have on? ”

“No piercings. My friend got me these and told me to wear them.” Heeseung calmly answers back, noting a pair of fake earrings he wore on his left ear that Jay picked out.

“Would you like to get some?”

Looking up at the large man, Heeseung inquires of his opinion.

“On my ears?”

The man laughed at the vague openness of the young man’s question.

“Well, that would be the most appropriate for you, considering you don’t have any. Unless you had another spot in mind?”

“No…I don’t. Do you suggest both ears?” Heeseung smirks as he inquires.

“I do…because of these.” Bringing out a small wooden box, the man presents a pair of small loop earrings made of silver.

“These are made of Polynesian silver. There aren’t many like them, in fact, these are the only pair I’ve seen.”

“Why would you suggest these then? Aren’t they meaningful and rare?”

“Yeah well…they seem to be fitting for you. “

“For me?”

“Yes. You see, these pieces have a name, one is called The Ghost, and the other, The Darkness.”

“...Interesting. How does that make them fitting for me though?”

“Because I can see something within in you. It’s in my blood, you see, my people believe that the “hau” exists.”

“…Hau?”

“Yes. My people have always believed that humans who have double souls and share one body, exist in this world. Where one soul never forsakes man, and the other soul, the one that can be brought out and appear was the “hau” is the one that never went to continue on in the afterlife.”

Heeseung seemed interested in the man’s storytelling of a body sharing two souls, he questioned whether the man was referring to his Ethan side, seeing as how the meaning of his words was indeed fitting for him.

“There was a legend of a man who had double souls, they called him the Ghost and the Darkness, and they said that he wore earrings just like these, made of Polynesian silver.” The man finished, as he investigated Heeseung’s eyes, looking as if he was wanting to ask him a question.

Heeseung’s eyes shifted to the ground, he didn’t say anything, but it appeared the man was wise and had enough wisdom and foresight to see, what he assumed he was referring to through his story, was his Ethan side being the “hau” soul.

“You saying I have two souls then?”

“That’s exactly what I am saying. You, are The Ghost and the soul that shares your body is The Darkness.”

“How can you tell?”

“Oh…I can see it. I can see a sense of it in your black eyes, it’s faint because you haven’t brought out the “hau” yet, but I can see a glint of him, lurking behind your eyes.” The man pauses for a second, before he continued after taking a steady breath with a look of slight amusement and curiosity in his expression.

“But I’m sure if I asked, you would show me the hau, wouldn’t you?”

Closing his eyes at the man’s words, Heeseung merely stood still as he faintly opened his lids, still eyeing the ground.

“Please, show me The Darkness, now that I’ve already seen the Ghost.”

At the man’s request, Heeseung shifted his gaze and looked at the man straight on, his eyes grew darker and lost all luster, even while standing under the light. The coloration was matte black, and the shape that contained them grew narrower, much darker as if a shadow was casted over his lids. His smirk was less playful, instead, it showered a sense of malevolence and Hell, while his eyes were lined by the darkness of the Devil’s ink.

“Ah, there he is.” The man smiles. “These earrings were meant for you. Come with me.”

Leading Heeseung into the back room, he places on latex gloves and proceeds to pierce each ear. Delicately, he places on the earrings for him, reminding him to swab the area clean daily.

“They’ll probably sting here and there as you swab, but it should be healed in no time.” The man states as Heeseung admires the man’s work through the hand mirror, while displaying half of his Ethan side.

“You learned to develop a balance of your hau?” the man inquires as he notices Heeseung’s traits mixed with his Ethan persona.

“Yeah…I guess you could say that.”

“When did you first noticed the hau within you?”

“For as long as I can remember. I was born this way.”

“You were born with companionship. I wonder….if you’ll ever find someone who will understand both sides of you."

Heeseung placed the mirror down on the table and merely looked down.

"I’ve never cared about that…not until recently.” Heeseung calmly states before he continues after taking a slight pause.

“But now that you’ve mentioned it, I wonder if there is someone out there for me…it’s not like I can hide who I am.” Heeseung stared at the ground, becoming pensive as he finished his words.

“No, you cannot. But I believe that there is someone who will find you, and you will find them, you must be patient. Normally, it takes time for one soul to find someone, I can only imagine it would take twice as long for someone who has two.” The man spoke as he washed his hands and disposed the gloves.

“But in the meantime, let’s give you this.”

Taking a black cap off from hanging on the wall, the man sets it atop Heeseung’s head. It fitted him just nicely.

Gently pressed down on the bill, the man continued.

“To cover the hau, just a little bit so that people don’t stare and raise questions. I’m certain you’ve never told anyone about your double soul?”

Heeseung shook his head. “…No….not even my best friend.”

“Well then take this as a gift, along with the earrings. And carry on swiftly and strongly my friend, for you are the living legend of the tales from my ancestors.”

Heeseung thanked the man and walked out of the shop, adorning the new pair of silver earrings. Meeting up with Jay, he notes how his friend stopped for a moment and stared with wide eyes towards him.

“Hey, I almost didn’t recognize you with the hat on. It looks good on you man, if you grew your hair out just a little more instead of having a fresh cut, I think it look better.” Jay smiled, upon breaching nearer to his taller friend, he stood and paused for a moment after taking notice of the silver pieces that adorned his friend’s ears.

“…Heeseung? You got your ears pierced?” Jay stood as he admired the lustrous shine contained in the small loops of his friend’s new earrings. “These are nice...did you just get them?”

“Yeah, I did. Which…” digging into his pocket, he retrieves the pair of clip-on earrings Jay had given him.

“You can have these back, since I don’t need them anymore.”

Jay smirked as he took the clip-on studs back.

“You know, if I would have known you were bold enough to get piercings, I would have just taken you in the first place. I know a guy, he did mine.”

Heeseung smiled as he looked back at the boutique behind.

“It’s all good. It worked out, got myself a history lesson to go with it.”

[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

Weekly Wrap-Up

July 22nd, 2024 - July 28, 2024

🌸 This week has been pretty great overall. Let's review what I managed to get done:

Two visits to my parents. One for the car, one for the garage sale.

Submitted 5 scholarship essays

Deposited 5 checks that have been sitting around

Cleaned out my car/fridge. They're very neat now

Went grocery shopping instead of procrastinating it

Ordered two new chargers. One for my office, one for home

Fixed up a chapter of the book I'm writing for NaNoWriMo and posted it in the writing group for folks to workshop today

Researched 10 different programs for my conference presentation

Sent in the BOD application. Even though it was auto-rejected (due to number of applicants) I still finally sent it in

Did my nails for the new job, then took them off (didn't like them)

🏫 School is rapidly approaching. Mid-to-late August. I wanted to apply to 100 scholarships before school starts, but at this rate, it'll be more like 50. I still have around 3 weeks left so... guess we'll see. Gonna increase the rate I work at.

🎧 My pink headphones I've had since... it has to be since 2020 finally gave up the ghost. They underwent some heavy daily use, and spent a short stint of time in a garage when I was between houses, so I'm honestly shocked they lasted 4 years. I just went to lay down while I was wearing them a few days ago, something went CRACK in the left ear, and since then it was a right-ear-only headphone 🤡 Thankfully I had brand-new extras in my closet I ordered because I thought these broke previously but hadn't-- the cord was just loose-- and so I wasn't bothered in the least. Awesome.

🎤 Nervous for the upcoming conference in... a week and a half. I know I'm prepared to write my piece of the deliverables (the powerpoint, the presentation) but I'm not convinced my co-presenters are. Tomorrow, I need to ask them more directly if they're able to answer several questions pertaining to our topic-- because that's what we need to put in the slides. They only have like 3 days left to research enough to rectify that if they aren't. And I understand some people operate on a last-minute based work schedule, but I'm not. It's important we get this DONE.

💼 Work for the upcoming week should be smooth enough. Still settling into my new role and trying to figure out what would be best to change/adapt for the program. I need to brainstorm some more while I'm at work and figure all that out.

Good things ahead, I know it!

[Photos: heart-shaped lipstick I got from a mystery box, unidentified flowers from my family's garden, new pink headphones, bullet journal entry, postcards on my wall (detail), postcards on my wall with ivy.]