#at least my bus wasn’t the bus to break down/get puked on this time <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[solace-seekers]

camp half blood field trip but on the way back to camp out of the 6 buses one had soemone puke on it, another got a flat tire, and a third one had mechanical issues and broke down all in the span of like 15 minutes

[lillian-nator]

You want more shit? I can go all day (except for school and sleep, hm) but one day techno realises just how much trouble Tommy is getting into by hanging out with Dream and challenges him to a fight, that's how the dream and Techno duel comes about, techno wins and Dream is just like "Well, what did you want me to do?" and Techno goes "stop influencing boys younger than you or ill break your kneecaps next" - 💙

Oh shit - oh shit - oh shit

Man, Blue, you are really the mvp.

I feel as though we can understand eachother - I also need to sleep and have school in the morning lol.

Anyways, I would love to continue throwing ideas back and forth with you :)

Here it is [the scene]:

[So, for this scenario to happen, I imagine that Techno has to not know of the “Tommy being high off his ass” incident at first.

So, I picture for either Techno to sleep through Tommy’s lecture - or the more likely case (and the one I am going to write here) Tommy didn’t leave his room for the entire day after he got caught.]

When Tommy still hadn’t come out of his room at noon, Wilbur and Phil thought that Tommy was simply trying to evade punishment, but when they went to go check on him, he was still asleep. Like not even pretending to be asleep, like he was clearly out of it - and Wilbur, and Phil weren’t monsters, they would let him sleep as long as he needed.

They assumed that he would need a lot after only getting to bed at 4am, high as fuck, as well.

Tommy ended up sleeping until 6pm that Saturday (the weed incident happened on a Friday night). He only got up to puke in the bathroom and lay back down in his bed.

Techno, who had been gone for most of the day, came back and assumed Tommy was coming down with something. He went into his room, closed the door and din’t come out. Look - he loved his brother, he really did, but midterms were coming up, and he didn’t want to get sick. Besides, Wilbur being the sap he was, would totally be taking care of Tommy all day, if he was sick. He loved Wilbur really, but he could never had what him and Tommy had, Wilbur being the closest with the youngest, was over-protective at times, and a tad bit jealous of Dream, but he was a great brother really, and he was totally Tommy’s favorite, no doubt about that. He means, the two were stuck to the hip when Tommy was younger, and even now, sometimes it was like they were the same person.

So, Wilbur had been in fact taking care of Tommy. Sure, he was pissed out of his mind that his fucking 15-year-old brother came back home high as a kite, but he still cared about Tommy. Probably too much for either of their goods.

As soon as Wilbur heard Tommy get out of bed, he had been prepared to go upstairs, but when he heard Tommy vomit - he stopped. He wasn’t sure if he should help the boy or not. He knows that Tommy must have a killer headache, and probably stomachache from smoking weed on an empty stomach. So, he wasn’t sure whether or not he should let Tommy live the consequences of his actions - or if he should help ease his little brother’s pain.

Look, we’ve already discussed that Wilbur cared about Tommy too much for their own goods. SO, of course Wilbur fucking helped him.

When Wilbur got up to Tommy’s room, man was he not expecting to see Tommy in as much of a mess he was. He was still in his clothes from the night before, SapNap’s jacket hanging loosely around his arms, the multitude of blankets pulled up to his chin. There was sweat dripping down his forehead, and he looked green.

Taking a better look at him, Wilbur knew that it wasn’t the weed that made Tommy throw up - the kid had actually gotten sick from being outside without a jacket.

Wilbur was ready to throw hands with a member of the Dteam.

Anyways, the fact that Tommy was sick delayed the conversation a few days, and when it did happen - that Tuesday at 2 P.M, right after Tommy got home from school - Techno was still at the School studying for midterms.

Techno still didn’t know what was going on - but he noticed the subtle differences.

Tommy had to keep his door open when he had friends over, even with Purpled and Tubbo, practically two members of their family. Wilbur locked Tommy’s window, and when it was hot outside, Tommy had to ask Wilbur to open it. The air was tense. Techno felt like he was always walking on eggshells, and he felt as though he could physically see Tommy walk on eggshells. Tommy had started sitting with Wilbur and his friends at lunch. Tubbo obviously stayed with Tommy - really, Techno could see how glad the small boy was to spend time with his brother - but Purpled switched between Dream’s table, and Wilbur’s table almost everyday.

Tommy having to keep his door open only lasted a week and a half; Tommy was too loud, and the only kids coming over were Purpled and Tubbo (Phil completed trusted them). The window stayed shut though, and Tommy was not allowed to sit with Dream for the foreseeable future.

It was 3 weeks into Tommy’s new-found punishment when Techno had to ask Phil what was going on.

Techno sighed, “Phil, seriously, what has been up with Tommy lately. Did I miss something?”

Oh.” He had a look of confusion on his face. “Did Wilbur not tell you?”

“Did Wilbur not tell me what?” Techno scoffed, Phil could have not been more vague.

“Well, Wilbur caught Tommy come home high a couple weeks ago.” Phil threaded his hand through his short hair, he wasn't sure how Techno was gonna react.

Techno didn’t know how to react. His brother? Tommy? High? “Wait - but he was grounded a couple weeks ago?”

“I caught him sneaking back in. If Wilbur hadn’t woken up, I would’ve never known that he was high. He was good at hiding it.”

“Uh...” If Techno knew one thing, it’s that you aren’t good at hiding the fact that you are tripping balls the first time you get high. “Do you think that he had done it before?”

“I’m not sure. He said that he hadn’t. Wilbur believed him, but Wilbur would beleive anything that boy tells him. I have to trust him on it though.”

Techno mumbled, “That fucker.” And walked out.

Techno wasn’t thrilled bu the fact that his 15-year-old brother had been smoking weed.

Of course he wasn’t, it was his baby brother. Tommy was never supposed to do any of that crap. But, if Techno knew Wilbur and Phil well enough, he knew that he was getting enough punishment as it is. So he laid off him, even if Techno knew that Tommy had smoked at least one other time, he assumed he wouldn’t do it again - that part was right, however what Techno did not anticipate was to catch Tommy sneaking out again, or rather in.

It was late at night, the night before Techno’s last midterm. He wasn’t always the best at Physics. So he just decided to go over a few more equations.

Sure, it was almost 4 am, but Techno never slept anyways.

So, his head is in his hands just looking down at his Physics test book when he hears the clicks of the door being unlocked, and the kitchen being directly across the the house from the door - Techno had a crystal clear view of his brother attempting to sneak back in, from where he was at the counter.

“Hey.” Tommy stops in his tracks.

Tommy walks over to Techno, sits directly across from him at the counter, putting his keys on the table. Tommy sighs loudly.

“I will tell you anything. Please just don’t tell Wilbur and Phil.”

Techno, who actually really just wanted to know what was up with his brother, decided that he would take the deal. “Sure. You have to answer my questions though.”

Tommy let out an audible sigh. “Okay, deal. What do you want to know?”

“Let’s start with the obvious.” He clapped his hands together. “Are you high?”

“No.” straightforward. Techno continued, “Are you drunk - did you drink?” “No.” Techno squinted his eyes, “Are you lying?”

“Do you need a fucking sobriety test? I’m not under the fucking influence.” Tommy gritted his teeth.

“Hey.” He was used to Tommy’s attitude, so he’s not sure why the hostility caught him off guard. “I’m doing you a fucking favor - I don’t need the attitude.” He smacked the blonde on the back of the head. In the process, he took a beanie off of Tommy’s head. Upon closer inspection, Techno realized that the beanie was not Wilbur’s. It was Quackity’s.

Techno started again, “Who were you out with?”

“The gang.” Tommy deadpanned.

“Who the fuck is the gang?” He was starting to get really pissed off at Tommy’s vague answers.

“I don’t know!” Tommy stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Last night it was Quackity, Karl, Tubbo, and -”

Techno sighed, “Dream.”

“Don’t cut me off. I’m giving you the fucking answers.”

“Don’t forget you’re the one in trouble here.” Techno closed his Physics book. This was gonna be a long night. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Dream asked if I wanted to meet them at the bridge, and I did. So, I went.”

“Even though you knew that you are not allowed?” Techno asked skeptically.

“That’s kind of the fucking point of sneaking out.” Tommy turned to go into his room. Techno grabbed hold of his wrist.

“Just tell me one thing, before you storm up into your room.” Tummy hummed in agreement. “How many times have you smoked weed?”

Tommy groaned; “Really? You’re still on this?”

“Just answer the damn question Tommy.” Techno growled back.

Tommy sighed, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air - also successfully freeing himself from Techno's grip. “I don’t know! 3 or 4 times - I mean it when I say, I won’t do it again.”

“I beleive you.” And he really did, although his little brother may have been sneaking around behind his back, he knew him. And Techno knew that Tommy sounded sincere. “But, you also lied about never doing it before. You also smoked weed. Here we are.”

“Whatever.” Tommy mumbled, pushing past Technoblade and stormed up to his room. What he didn’t realize is that he left his phone on the table.

Tommy’s phone buzzed - loud enough for Techno to hear it through his thoughts.

Techno shyly picked it up - look, he really didn’t want to invade Tommy’s privacy. He knew that no matter what Tommy did, he had a right to privacy away from his brothers, but, Techno couldn’t help but be curious to which of the assholes of the month was texting his brother.

It’s a text from Dream.

Dream: You dropped your student I.D. You wanna pick it up tmr night? Karl and SapNap found an abandoned mall a town over. They wanna check it out. You in - Purpled and Punz already said they were game?

Techno was about to beat the shit out of that green fucking bastard.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, nobody knew why Techno was waling down the hall with such determination.

But nobody stood in his fucking way.

As soon as he got to Dream’s locker, he saw the bastard. Standing there talking to SapNap like nothing happened last night.

Techno slammed Dream’s locker door shut, earning a wince from the tall blonde.

“What the hell dude?” Dream snarled, annoyed, and fucking too tired to deal with anyone’s shit.

“’What the hell dude?’“ Techno mocked. “Why the fuck are you helping my little brother sneak out?”

“Because he asked me too! It’s not my fault he wanted to hang out, and I’m not taking the blame for something he did.” Dream was tired of getting involved with Tommy’s brothers. He loved the kid really, but his brothers were a lot to handle.

“Tubbo, too! We both know he’s grounded.” Techno mused, hands raised to the ceiling.

Dream, swore he was never gonna get a break from this guy. "Tubbo asked too! I'm not gonna take responsibilities for their actions!"

"Then stop fucking inviting them." Techno growled.

"Look. If they want to sneak out - I'm not, not, gonna tell them when we are hanging out."

"Just stop fucking inviting them - then none of this would ever be your problem. You got it? Stop fucking around with my brothers." Techno stepped closer, pointing a finger in Dream's chest.

Dream looked at the pink-haired boy with a knowing look. He said 'brothers' - okay. So, Techno was talking about all 3 of the teens.

He dropped his head, he really didn't want to get into a fight right now, "Look, I'm sorry okay? I can promise you I won't give any of them alcohol. I can promise I won't let Tommy take a hit of Quack's joint. But, I can't promise I won't stop hanging out with them."

Techno laughed, "You don't understand do you? The point is that you let him do it in the first place."

"Do you really want to do this, right now?" At this point students had gathered around the pair. "You want to fucking fight?"

"If that will make you shut up and leave my fucking life; yeah."

Dream threw the first punch.

There isn't much to say about the fight. Techno won - but barely. Both came out with bloody noses, split knuckles, bruised ribs, bleeding lips, and tired arms.

Techno broke Dream's nose.

It was a good fight.

Most of the student body watched, 'oohing' everytime a punch was thrown. At some point, Tommy had seen the fight go down, and Karl had to hold the blonde back, from breaking up the fight himself.

"Alright," Dream admitted on the floor, tired beyond relief. "What do you want?"

Techno seethed, "I want you to stay the fuck away from my brothers." and walked away.

------------------------------------

Later, after school, when Tommy walked in on Calvin helping Techno clean himself up in the bathroom, Tommy brushed past Techno, bumping into his shoulder.

"Hey -" Techno grunted in pain.

"Good fucking luck explaining this to Phil. I'm going to Tubbo's. I won't see you later." Tommy growled, and continued walking.

[prettyboyjackhughes]

-Boy Best Friends- [J. Hughes & T.Smith]

Literally no one asked for this but Kelly @prettyboycozens and I were talking about how much we love Jack and Ty's friendship, especially after the interview of Jack where Ty comes in and then came up with this idea and I had to write it so here we are! Hope you enjoy!

Jack and I had been close since we were little. We started out next door neighbors then he was the weird boy who I waited at the bus stop with, then he became the boy I had every class with in middle school. Around 6th grade is when we finally clicked and became best friends. He calls me ‘Ranch’ even though my name is Rachel, all because one time his phone autocorrected ‘Rach’ to ‘Ranch’ and he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. He even changed my contact name to ‘Ranch’.

It’s been an interesting 8 years being friends with him and watching him grow up. The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure we’ve only spent a full year together one time during our whole friendship. He’s always been off doing all his hockey stuff while I’ve been home in Michigan. But then college rolled around. He got drafted the summer after my senior year, managing to watch me walk across the stage at graduation before flying up to Vancouver for his draft 2 days later. I watched him get drafted on TV and remember the thrill of hearing New Jersey picked him because coincidentally, the college I was planning on attending, Seton Hall, was about 20 minutes away from the arena he would be playing in. Knowing I would be getting to spend, hopefully, the next 4 years with my best friend within a short car ride’s distance away for the first time in 8 years was some of the best news I had gotten in a long time.  The first year was rough but I managed to survive, mainly because of Jack. It took a while to figure out the dynamic of our friendship but we settled into a routine and a comfortable cycle. We went back to Michigan for the summer, spending it with our families. He trained most of the summer while I worked. But almost every evening was spent together. Then it came time for us to head back to Jersey and back to the chaos that waited for us.

“Why are you living in the dorm again next year? When Ty and I have a perfectly good room for you to stay in?” Jack asked, his face way too close to his phone. We had been on FaceTime for at least the last 2 hours, him distracting me as I attempted to do homework.

“Because I can? Why would I wanna live with you and Ty?” I shot back, smirking as he looked offended.

“Well that one hurts. Hey, I was just offering so you didn’t have to worry about getting stuck with a bad roommate, like freshman year.” I grimaced at the thought of my freshman year roommate. I had spent more time camped out in Jack’s apartment than at my own dorm.

“That is a good point. But who said you and Ty are good roommates? I know for one, you never pick up anything, your room was always a disaster when we were little and Ty sings in the shower so there’s two cons.” Jack rolls his eyes.

“My singing is lovely! You’re just jealous you can’t sing as well as me!” Ty yells from across the room as Jack turns the camera to show him.

“We’ll work on the singing. And I’ve gotten much better at cleaning up after myself. I even know how to do laundry now!” Jack says, excitedly. I laugh and put my pen down.

“This really isn’t convincing me to move in with you two. Just saying.”  Jack rolls his eyes.

“Just give us a chance. It’ll be fun.” I shrug.

“Okay fine. But you do know that means Brady will be around the apartment, right?” Jack’s face screws up a little and I roll my eyes. Brady is my boyfriend that I met midway through my freshman year. He was a sophomore, majoring in business and just happened to be at the very first party I went to. He was older, in a fraternity and sweet-talked me. I fell head over heels for him almost instantly. But the issue was that Jack and Ty weren’t huge fans.

“Jack, he's not that bad.” This time it’s Jack’s turn to scoff.

“Yeah because having to go and pick your drunk boyfriend up from a party every 2 nights doesn’t make him that bad.” Ty appears next to him and starts talking.

“Rach, we’re just looking out for you. We don’t exactly love the guy.”

“Well that’s what’s gonna happen so get used to the idea.” Jack looks over at Ty.

“I think we can be civil. So you’re moving in?” I nod and Jack cheers. I roll my eyes and start to think about what I have to pack.

The next two weeks are a whirlwind of chaotic packing and moving. The boys were sweet enough to give me the biggest bedroom in the apartment, even though I had the least amount of stuff out of the 3 of us. Once I had moved in, the boys and I settled into a routine of me cooking, then cleaning up, them doing laundry and me folding; really just a lot of splitting up the housework and jobs around the house to get them done. Brady was around a lot, but Jack and Ty were civil and not complete jerks. I was proud of them. But then one night, while Jack, Ty and I were watching some movie Ty had been wanting to watch, I got yet another call from Brady asking me to come pick him up.

“Baby…I…need you to come get me…I-“ Brady’s drunk voice is drowned out by the yelling and music in the background and I can’t hear him anymore.

“Brady, where are you? I’ll come get you.” He mumbles something back but I can’t understand it so I just end the call.

“I have to go get Brady. He’s drunk at a party again.” I say, sighing as I get up off the couch. Jack and Ty exchange a look and then Jack gets up too.

“I’ll drive you. You’ll have to make sure he doesn’t puke in my car though.” I nod as Ty stands up too.

“Might as well come along for the ride.” I slip my shoes on and follow Jack out the door of the apartment, Ty closing the door behind us.

“Let me check his location and I’ll tell you where we’re going.” After enough times of being left sitting somewhere and having no idea where Brady was, he ended up agreeing to share his location with me. In times like these, it was his saving grace.

“He’s about half an hour away. The party must be somewhere in New York.” Jack doesn’t say anything, just starts driving. The ride there is silent, for the first time. Usually Jack and Ty won’t shut up when we’re in the car, constantly fighting about what music to listen to, whose turn it is to drive; everything under the sun is up for discussion when we’re in the car. I usually sit back and listen, occasionally injecting myself into the conversation when I feel necessary. I’ll also play mediator when they’re fighting over something stupid. But the fact that it was silent in the car right now, made everything so much worse. It feels like we’re driving to the end of the world.

“There’s the house.” I say, almost 45 minutes later. Jack manages to get the car parked and turns around to look at me.

“You want us to come with you to find him?” I shake my head, sliding out of the car and shutting the door behind me. This would be the 5th time I’ve had to pick Brady’s drunk ass up from a party in the last 2 weeks. I was getting pretty tired of it. But his explanation was that it was because he was in a fraternity. He said that it was apart of his “brotherhood” or something stupid like that. I didn’t buy any of it but I loved him so I let it go. And as I waded my way through ridiculously sweaty bodies all dancing to way too loud music, I remembered how much I didn’t like partying.

“Hey you’re Brady’s girlfriend right?” A girl asks, grabbing my arm and yelling over the music. I turn to her and nod, an eyebrow raised.

“I just saw him go into a room with some other girl. Top of the stairs on the left.” I gulped, hoping she was wrong.

“Thanks!” I yell back, hurrying over to the stairs and taking them two at a time. I wind through people going up and down the stairs and manage to get to the door. As my hand finds the handle, I take a deep breath, hoping and praying that the sight behind this door isn’t going to be what I think it is. I finally bite back the fear and push the door open. Sure enough, sprawled out across the bed with some girl’s hands all over his bare chest is my boyfriend.

“Baby? Hey I-“ He says, starting to sit up.

“Fuck you. Hope she’s worth it.” I spit out, glaring at him before turning around to rush out of the room. I stumbled down the stairs, bumping into people and blindly apologizing as I pushed through the crowd. Somehow I managed to make it out of the house and into the back seat of Jack’s car.

“Hey hey hey are you okay? Where’s Brady?” Jack asked, a concerned look plastered across his face.

“He-he cheated on me. Wi-with some girl at the p-party.” I stuttered, fighting the tears pressing against my eyes. He and Ty exchange a look and then both look at me.

“Just drive Jacky. Please.” I whisper as the tears finally start to slow a little. It’s silent again for most of the car ride. My phone kept buzzing with texts and calls from Brady but finally, after what seemed like the thousandth call, I put it on do not disturb and tossed onto the seat next to me.

“Well, I mean, there’s always the option of kicking his ass.” Ty says from the front seat, looking up into the rearview mirror at me.

“What do you say, Jacky boy?” I bury my face in my hands and finally let the tears fall.

“Shit Ty, she’s crying! You broke her!” Jack says, hitting Ty’s arm as he looks back at me.

“I didn’t break her! How is it my fault!” They continue to argue back and forth the rest of the ride home, which would usually make me smile and roll my eyes but not today. Not after what just happened.

As soon as we get back to the apartment, I rush inside and to my room, closing the door behind me. I heard Jack and Ty come in not long after me and whisper about something for a while. I hear the front door open and close again and then Jack tapping lightly on my door.

“Hey Ranch, you okay?” He asks, getting a tiny smile from me because of the nickname.

“I should’ve listened to you and Ty. You said he wasn’t good for me but I didn’t listen. I-I thought he loved me.” This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve cried to Jack about boys. I’ve had my share of boyfriends through the years and every single break up was cried out, usually over the phone with Jack.

“Ty went to go get you ice cream and I remembered how much you like bubble baths so I got one ready for you if you want…” He says, awkwardly picking at his thumb and looking at me.

“Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend? You and Ty?” He smiles a little as I sit up and walk over to where he’s standing in the doorway.

“You both are going to make some very lucky girls happy someday, you know that right?” He smiles and nods as I hug him.

“Now aren’t you glad you moved in here?” I smile and nod, looking up at him.

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

[hold-me-sickfics]

Chapter 3 is posted! Thank you again @thatoneemokpop-02 😊💙

Tw: heavy emeto, censored swearing (let me know if I missed any!💙)

Chapter 3😊

Jimin placed a soft hand on Yoongi’s back. He made gentle, downward strokes, trying to keep Yoongi from puking. Yoongi seemed a bit more calm with Jimin comforting him, at least until the teacher came back with the note.

“Get back to class as soon as possible Jimin, but you may handle him first.”

The teacher’s tone made Yoongi feel so scared and small.

“Here, can you stand up if you hold on to me?” Jimin moved to Yoongi’s other side where the desk didn’t wrap around him.

Yoongi nodded, still holding the wastebin for dear life.

Jimin slowly helped Yoongi up, trying not to jostle his stomach. Soon enough, Yoongi’s arm was around Jimin’s shoulder and they were heading out the door.

When they’d left the music room, Jimin felt a little more anxious about the situation. He wanted to help Yoongi, but again, what if he wasn’t skilled enough in “taking care of people” to do so?

“J-*hiccup* Jimin?” Yoongi whimpered.

“Yeah?” Jimin slowed down even more than they already were.

“I- I don’t w-want to go to the n-nurse.” Yoongi’s shivering returned.

“Alright, that’s okay. Where would you feel more comfortable?” Jimin hated how formal he sounded.

“Bathroom… please.” Yoongi sounded like he might cry.

“We can do that, just a few more steps okay? Put your weight on me. I can hold you up.” Jimin was really hoping his “typing muscles” didn’t let him down now.

Yoongi nodded, slouching a bit. Jimin was able to carry him, and they got to a bathroom stall on the english wing.

Yoongi slumped down in front of the toilet, a thick string of saliva hanging from his lip. His shivers were intense, and his gags, though quiet, wrecked his body powerfully. Jimin didn’t know how to help so he tried what he’d seen in the fic he read at… 2:45 this morning he thought?

Jimin got closer to him, wrapping his arm around the small of Yoongi’s back. His other hand held Yoongi’s.

“Tell me if anything I do is too much. I guess I don’t do this much…” Jimin sounded unsure of himself.

Yoongi responded by squeezing his hand tight as another wretch sent him lurching forward, his shoulders nearly reaching his ears.

Jimin thought for a minute… shouldn’t Yoongi have puked by now? He ate breakfast an hour ago… it should have come back up already.

“I- I- d-don’t know....” Yoongi curled into Jimin’s side, soft sobs making him more vulnerable, if that was even possible.

“How do you…” Jimin almost asked, but stopped himself. As much as he wanted to know, Yoongi didn’t look like he could explain. Jimin just kept holding him, rubbing his arm and holding his hand.

Suddenly, Jimin felt the urge to move his hand to Yoongi’s stomach. He did it, and off impulse t began to rub small circles into it. Yoongi groaned. Jimin somehow knew not to stop…

Then, almost as clear as day, Jimin heard a voice.

“I need to Jimin, I just… I can’t…”

It sounded like Yoongi’s, but Yoongi hadn’t spoken…

If Jimin hadn’t believed in telepathy before today, he certainly did now. He knew that either he was finally losing it (as Jungkook had told him he was), or Yoongi was talking to him via… mental message? Well, that’s the name he gave it for now. He decided to try something to test it out.

“You’re okay. If you can’t puke yet, you just aren’t ready to.” Jimin stroked his back. “It’s alright. Just take your time. We’ve got all the time you need.”

Yoongi looked at him, wide eyed, and in shock.

“H-how?”

Yoongi only had a moment to speak before he was swallowing thickly and trying to breathe the nausea away.

Now was time for the second test. If Yoongi could send messages… and he could receive them… could he do that backwards?

“Don’t worry about it now. I’m just as surprised as you.”

Jimin waited, and then did another test.

“Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

Jimin waited. Yoongi didn’t squeeze his hand. He almost tried again, and then he figured out why Yoongi didn’t answer.

Within seconds, Yoongi pitched forward, finally bringing up a bit of bile. His arms were shaking, and he could barely hold himself up. Jimin saw this and scooted in behind him, holding him securely.

“Thank you.”

Jimin heard those words, and then felt his hand being squeezed.

“I could hear you. But, I really don’t know why.”

Jimin just kept holding Yoongi up until he seemed to be at a break. Then, the worst possible thing happened.

*RING* *RING*

Time was up. That was the class change bell. Not only was his note expired, but also….

“JK!!!! JK what the f*** was that??” Some guy must have been talking to his brother. They, along with several others were coming into the bathroom. Their privacy was over.

“Yoongi, breathe. I can feel you shaking.”

Jimin was glad for whatever mind messaging thing was going on, because that way he and Yoongi could talk without being interrupted.

“Jimin you gotta go. I’ve already made you miss one class. I can’t let you miss another one. I’ll be fine okay?”

The messages Jimin was getting and Yoongi’s actual appearance were polar opposites. The voice inside sounded calm. Outside? Yoongi was shaking, beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was shallow.

Jimin wanted to stay, but… this wasn’t a fanfiction… he couldn’t just make up the rules anymore.

Yoongi smiled weakly, trying to convince Jimin that he would be alright alone.

“After school, meet me outside near the flag pole. My brother’s gotta go to work, but you and i can go back to my house. We’ll take the bus.” Jimin stopped for a second. “Message me if you need me okay?” Yoongi nodded, turning back to the toilet.

Everyone had left the bathroom now, so he was able to leave the stall without anyone noticing.

Jimin worried the entire way to class, hoping to receive a message from Yoongi. However, even after class had been on for ten minutes, he still hadn’t heard anything.

He decided to use this time to message Yoongi first instead. It was so weird, he had only learned his name this morning, and yet he already felt like he was best friends with the guy. Though it didn’t make any sense, he just decided to go along with it.

“Yoongi? How are you holding up?”

Formal sure, but he wasn’t an expert at these yet.

He waited and waited, not receiving anything.

And then-

“I don’t know what happened… it’s like it just… stopped?”

Jimin was so confused.

“I mean I’m glad it stopped but… this is by far the strangest virus I’ve ever heard of.”

Suddenly, Jimin felt it. Something had happened… something bad.

“Yoongi? Yoongi you okay? I-” he realized how crazy this sounded. “I felt something.”

“Y-you felt that?” Yoongi answered back sounding shocked.

“It… it’s like I know something bad happened but I have no idea what. Yoongi what happened?”

Yoongi didn’t answer. Jimin felt the “situation” getting worse. It’s times like this he had to pull some strings.

“Mrs. Phillips?” He raised his hand.

The teacher paused, smiling warmly.

“Yes Jimin?”

“I’m not feeling too well, may I use the restroom?”

She let him, and Jimin was beyond thrilled at his acting skills. “Thank you drama class” he’d thought.

When Jimin reached the bathroom, Yoongi was gone.

“Where’d you go?” Jimin had stopped questioning this mind message thing.

“Oh, I left school. I felt some better and wanted to get home while I could. Thanks for everything Jimin. You were a big help!”

Jimin’s eyes narrowed. That even sounded like a lie.

“Mhmmm, sure. The only part I believe is that you left school.”

Yoongi didn’t respond. Jimin could tell that he must have been right.

“So are the after school plans still on?” Jimin asked, hoping this would bring him a few more answers.

“Um, nope! I’m all good. All better. See you in class tomorrow.”

Now Jimin really knew something was wrong. He wasn’t easily fooled. Yoongi hadn’t been the first guy to just come up and have a small conversation and then blush like a rose when they got paired up with him. Yoongi was crushing hard, but for him to turn down plans after school? That meant something.

Jimin went back to class, telling his teacher he felt better. He finished out the day relatively quickly. Now was for the part he’d been dying to get to: he had to find some way to get Yoongi to talk to him… as in actually talk to him..

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever- Utter Nonsense Drabble... 40 Questions!

Yeah so don’t ask me where this came  from, but I saw these floating around and for some reason decided it would be funny if Steve and Katie answered  some of them instead of me...

I think the original post was from @odaatlover​  and I think I was taggeed by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​. Anyway, I took my favourite ones and this was the result...enjoy!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

Katie: I’d kinda like a tiger. They’re so graceful and  pretty but pack a mean bite and you wouldn’t mess with one would you?

Steve: Who does that remind you of?

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Steve: (grinning) Nothing.

Katie : I can confirm that is also my favourite thing he sleeps in...

3. What song really gets you going?

Katie: In what way? If it’s to dance and just act like a crazy fool to then its always going to be “Back in Black” because it reminds me a lot of Tony and happy times growing up. But if its one to spark memories then its our wedding song.

Steve: “The Only One In Color” by Trapt. I also kinda like the John Legend song  “You and I” because it reminds me of her, you know, the bit aout trying on every damned out fit she ownes before we can go out.

Katie: I don’t do that.

Steve looks at Katie, eyebrow raising.

Katie: Ok, maybe I can be a little incecisive....but tha wasn’t really the point of the...you know what, never mind. Next...

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

Steve: It depends. If its breakfast or lunch dring the week then it’s usual eaten on the go whilst we’re getting the kids sorted or I’m in between classes...but dinner, well we always try and sit down. And at weekends we always eat at the table with the kids. 

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Katie: Dinner. During the week Steve and I eat a little bit later than the kids so we have that time to ourselves just to decompress and talk about our day, have a bit of us time...and at weekend we’re al together so I love it.

Steve: I love it for all those reasons, and also because she’s the best damned cook on the planet.

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Katie: Erm...

Steve: It’s pretty embarassing when you throw a Brat tantrum about something.. Katie: I don’t do that in public.

Steve: Bullshit. I refer you to the whole car purchasing situation a few years ago.

Katie: Jamie was only a baby...I was hormonal.

Steve: Hormonal my ass, you were being a brat.

Katie:  Whatever.  Yours is definately the need to stand with your hands on your hips and give someone your Captain look, especially when it’s someone you have never met before but they just happen to be doing something to piss you off.

Steve:  I make no apologies for this.  People can be idiots.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Both at same time: Chocolate.

Steve: Preferably British.  Cadbury’s to be specific. I got a taste for it when I was in London during the war.

Katie: He has a secret stash he hides from the kids...it’s great to blackmail him with.

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Steve: Soft

Katie: Hard

Steve: Although hard ones always remind me of when you went into labour with Jamie.  We were making them for lunch and you had a contraction and crushed one...

Katie: Oh yeah, maybe soft in that case...because that was painful.  And then I went throguh that another 3 times.Which is your fault.

Steve: I take full responsibility, yes. 

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

Katie: Walk into the middle of it and say “Prove it, put the hamer down...” Steve: sighs, That was one time.

Katie: And it levelled a forest.

Steve: Did it work?

Katie: Hmmm, suppose so.

Steve: There you go ...but if its a fight between us, the I can think of the best way to break it up...

Katie : grinning, yeah...that’ s pretty funny. Or the worst one is telling you you’re in the spare room.

Steve: Yeah...that sucks.

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

Katie: Putting on deep voice “Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?”

Steve: Sighing  I wish I had some smart reply to that bu I don’t...

Katie: No, you just threw us out the side of the damned thing from 14 storeys up

Steve: 19

Katie: That’s...that’s not better Steve.

11. Any hidden talents?

Steve: Not so much hidden really but I’m not a bad artist and Katie’s singing and piano playing is off the scale.

Katie: Steve’s really good at DIY. Like, brilliantly good.  And also pretty savvy with technology all things considered...

Steve: When you say all things considered you mean because I’m like 112

Katie: Actually, you’re like 127 if you count the 15 years you spent back in time after putting the stones back.

Steve: hesitates I thought you said they didn’t count because I didn’t spend them with you.

Katie: They don’t, but they still happened.

12. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Steve: Socks

Katie: Bare feet

Steve: Neither of those protect you from standing on lego, which for the record, I reckon has to be a pain worse than chilbirth.

Katie:  Seriously? You’re going there?

Steve: Ok, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but it still hurts like hell.

13: Favorite board game?

Katie: Monopoly. Its funny to watch Emmy and Jamie getting really agitated and annoyed. The younger 3 don’t really get it, Rori just likes to help Steve by sorting all his money into piles and suggesting things he can spend it on.

Steve: Namely tutus and tap shoes...she still wants to be chorus girl.

14:Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Katie: Oh my God. Steve is a nightmare as he runs hotter than any of us, so whilst we want the fire or heat on he’s complaining he’s boiling hot all the time. Our bedroom is like an ice block.

Steve: Doll, I’ve been in an ice block. Trust me, our bedroom is like a furnace in comparison.

Katie: It si nice though, like sleeping with a big hot  water bottle.

15: At what age did you first have alcohol?

Katie: I’m sure Tony gave me beer when I was 15 or something but the first time I ever got drunk was aged 17. I went to a keg party at one of my friends and I was aboslutely shit faced. Tony held my hair back whilst i puked my guts upt for a good hour once I was home. I had the hangover to end all hangovers the next day and he cracked JARVIS up to maximum volume just to teach me a lesson.

Steve:  I think I was 18. Me and Buck drank a bottle of his dad’s home made hooch...yeah, it didn’t take me much to get me drunk back then and I was very, very illl. Ma thought I had a fever. Mr Barnes thought it was hilarious, but still gave us both a slap upside th head...

16. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

Katie: I would say my wedding dress, but Tony bought that for me, so it would probably the the dress I wore to the  SIP Launch for The Color Of Revenge...that cost...well it was in the tens of thousands

Steve:  Blinking How much?

Katie: You don’t need to know.

17. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Steve: Whatever my gal tells me to.

Katie: And you always look great Soldier.

18. Favorite memory?

Steve: Oooh, other than when we adopted Emmy or the kids were born, I’d have to say when Katie agreed to be my wife. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live.

Katie: Me neither, not least becase I got my camero...

Steve: rolls eyes.

Katie:  Joking aside, yeah the engagement sticks in my mind but I think it was when you finally kissed me for the first time. I knew then that I was never gonna let you go.

Steve: yeah...that...ok you know what this is an impossible question after being together for so long.

19. Favorite shoes?

Katie: I have a pair of sparkly gold Jimmy Choo stilettoes that I’ve had for ages. They’re gorgeous, with ankle straps and pointed toes. I’ve had them for almost  17 years but they’re amazin.

Steve: grins. Yeah, they’re my favourite shoes too...

Katie: Pervert.

Steve: I’m not even gonna deny it. Those shoes ALWAYS stay on if I can help it.

20. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Both start to laugh hysterically.

Steve: Where do we start?

Katie: New York, Washington, Sokovia, Lagos, Leipzig, Siberia, Wakanda, Upstate and proablly a whole load of other places in between could be good places Stevie.

Steve: Yeah, this...I can’t answer this. 

21. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

Katie: I was 7 when my parents died but taking Tony as surrogate, I reckon him catching us in the kitchen when we were...you know, and he didn’t actually know about us has got to be up there.

Steve: Yeah, that was pretty bad... although my Ma once caught me and Bucky measuring our... looks down.

Katie: splutters What? You never told me this?

Steve: Well its not exactly somethign that crops up in conersation sweethheart? “Oh by the way, once when we were 16 me and Buck compared sizes...” Katie: Blinks. Boys are strange. So who had the biggest...

Steve: Next question...

22. Last time you had an orgasm?

Both grin.

Steve: Last night 

Katie: I can confrim this...there’s not many nights to be fair where we don’t...

23: Celebrity Crushes?

Katie: grins. Does Bucky Barnes count?

Steve: Fuck you.

24: Makeup or natural?

Katie: Normally I just wear a bit of tinted moisturiser and mascara, now I have the kids anyway. I don’t have time to really do my face in a morning. I’ll make the effort when we go out though...

Steve: You don’t need it honey.

Katie: Awww thanks baby.

Steve: Although that red lipstick you wear, the bright red..yeah...I like that... grins wickedly and winks It smears well...

Katie flushes: dirt bag

25. Favorite season?

Katie: Summer. Growing up in Malibu I like the sun and warmth.

Steve: Fall. It’s an artists dream...the colours and textures are amazing to work with

Katie: Fall is rubbish. Everything dies and it’s a bit shit.

Steve: But you make apple pie and get to snuggle in my sweaters.

Katie: literally the only 2 things good about it. 

26. Are you a competitive person?

Katie snorts and looks at Steve

Steve: I’m not even going to deny it. 

Katie: He even refuses to let the kids win a games sometimes.

Steve: Important life lessons, Doll. 

27. First pet you’ve ever owned?

Katie: My goldfish Flounder, the one that Tony replaced about 8 times. Other than that it was my Turkey Marv, he was ace.

Steve: I didn’t have any growing up so mine would be Lucky. He was a great dog. 

28. Favorite pasta dish?

Steve: Mac and Cheese, specifically Katie’s. It’s amazing.

Katie smiling: Yeah  I like Mac and Cheese, but I also enjoy carbonara.

29. Favorite kind of pizza?

Both: Pepperoni.

Steve: New York Style.

Katie: I like Deepdish every now and then.

Steve: It’s not the same...

Katie: well dur, that’s the point.

Steve: Yeah, not convinced. 

30. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Katie: Handful of close friends, without a doubt. They become an extension of your family, you know. All of us in the Avengers were close and when you have that bond, you’ll do anything for one another.

Steve: Agree completely. When you’re close like we all are then it makes everything that little bit easier, knowing that whatever you’re facing you’ve got each others 6.

31: Something that ruins your appetite?

Katie: Narrows eyes Whenver I see Ross on Tv. Makes me want to puke.

Steve: You really should let that go you know?

Katie: Never. I hold a grudge very well.

Steve: Don’t I know it.

32. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Steve: I’ve never been one for big nights out. I enjoy the odd one now and then but, I’d much rather curl up on the sofa or round the firepit with Katie or Sam or Bucky with a beer and some decent talk.

Katie: Yeah, at one time I would have said night out hands down, but certianly since having the kids, or even since we started dating, it’s definately change my ideas a little. Some of the nicest nights we’ve had have been spent on the sofa.

Steve grins: yeah...

Katie: And not just because of that....

33. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

Steve: I’ve only ever told one girl I loved them and she’s sat right here, and I said it first that night...

Katie: smiling Yeah, yeah you did. I wasn’t far behind though, like 3 seconds or something.

34. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Katie: Does a one night stand count as a first date? Because if so then yes...

Steve: Same.

Katie: Lottie?

Steve: Storm?

Both look at one another,  teasingly.

Katie: Ok next question...

35. Heroes or villains?

Steve: Some people might say there’s a fine line between the two. Katie: Oh here he goes, getting all Captain Philosophical again...look, everyone knows we were suposedly the heroes Steve, and to be fair we saved the world a fair few times, we were even fighting in the shadows during the Nomad years.

Steve: I know, I know...

36. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Steve: You know I’ve never actually counted.

Katie: You did 20 at the last brunch we went to.

Steve: 20...that’s...impressive.

Katie: smirking Bucky did 22

Steve: sighs Of course he did...

37: Favorite dessert?

Steve: Apple pie, preferably Katie’s

Katie: Pecan pie. Hands down. 

38 Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

Steve: Ooh, that’s..i suppose it depends. I do like a good TV series, especially if we can curl up and binge watch once the kids are going to bed but I do have fond memories of us working through the films on my list...

Katie: smiling, yeah we had a lot of fun. Still

39. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Steve: I love telling Katie how beautiful she is, and what a wonderful mother she is...all of which is true.

Katie: I like to remind Steve that he’s my Steve Rogers, not Captain America...because he is. And he’s the most amazing man on the planet, with or withouth that serum coursing through his veins. Which is what makes him the best dad the kids could wish for.

40. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Steve: smiling,  she’s sat right next to me.

Katie: smiling , back at ya soldier.

[404gendernotfound]

Living with a Hybrid Part 8 (Hybrid!Taeyong x Reader)

Summary: Your first time waking up with Taeyong clinging to you after exchanging kisses yesterday night. He is still a bit shy but gets more confident throughout the day. You’re talking about him even at work and as you finally come home you can’t wait to spend time with your favourite boy.

Contains: fluff

Warnings: none

Wordcount: 3,9 K

A/N: For all of you who have been wondering if the story is gonna end soon since the main couple got together now: I’m not planning on ending it this soon. It could be that there are 5 more chapters, it could be that I’ll still write 10 or more. I’ll have to see if I can still keep up with the flow of the story and if it will be better to not drag it too long and just end it at it’s best. So you can still look forward to a lot of cute moments with Taeyong and to get a look at the readers family and past.

Enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

________________________________________________________________

As I woke up the next morning I had to shuffle out of Taeyongs grip without waking him since I needed to get ready for work. His shift at the pancake shop didn’t start before 9 am so he still could sleep some time before he needed to get ready. I stretched and walked into the bathroom to shower and then get dressed. As I came back out of the bathroom I saw a sleepy hybrid sitting on the bed looking in my direction.

“Did I wake you?”, I asked and he shook his head.

“The bed was too cold without you”, he mumbled in a shy voice and I saw his cheeks blush slightly.

My heart skipped a beat and I walked over to the bed to take my place next to him. I sat down and Taeyong instantly laid his head down on my shoulder.

“You could still sleep some time. You don’t always need to get up whenever I leave for work”, I explained.

“But I want to see you out every morning”, he whined and looked at me with his puppy eyes.

How could I say no to this cutie? It was too adorable to know that he voluntarily wanted to wake up with me just to say goodbye for the day. I ruffled through his hair and he began to giggle quietly.

“You’re too cute for your own good”, I whispered and softly kissed his head.

I got off the bed and walked over to the desk to grab my things and put everything in my bag. Taeyong was watching me from the bed and waited until I had all the things I needed before he left the bed to see me off. I would just grab something to eat on my way from the bus to the office. As I was finished with putting my coat and shoes on, Taeyong stood at the doorstep and waited for me to step closer. I took a step forward and looked up at the sleepy hybrid that was a bit taller now since we weren’t standing on the same level. He looked like he wanted something. It was written all over his face but he seemed to be too shy to ask for it.

“Is there something you want?”, I asked and saw his cheeks turn pink.

“Can I give you a goodbye kiss?”, he asked looking to the floor and playing with his shirt.

“Of course”

Taeyong stood there hesitating while his tail was swinging behind him in excitement. It seemed like he was too shy to make a move after what happened yesterday. He just looked at me and I could almost see the anxiety in his eyes. I felt like I had to save him from the embarrassment. I leaned in and placed a quick kiss on his soft lips. As I moved back and looked at him I saw that he was satisfied now. I took one of his hands and squeezed it.

“I’ll be on my way now. I’ll see you later, Taeyongie”, I said before I let go of his hand and walked to the door.

“Text me when you arrive at work”, he added as I opened the door.

“I will. See you”

“Bye”

I closed the door and walked to the elevator with a bright smile on my face. I wasn’t sure what the thing between the two of us was right now but I was really happy to know that Taeyong somehow seemed to feel the same thing as I felt. As I arrived in the lobby I received a message from Taeyong. Was he already missing me?

Taeyongie 🤍: Get back home safe

I had to smile at his text.

You: I will. Now get some more rest before your shift starts <3

It took some time before he texted back. I was already sitting in the bus as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the display.

Taeyongie 🤍:  But I can’t sleep without you here…

You: Oh Taeyong…then watch some TV and eat some breakfast

Taeyongie 🤍:  Ok

There was a long pause before his next text arrived.

Taeyongie 🤍:  I can’t wait to see you again later <3

Reading his text made me wanna turn around and go back home right this instance. The bus arrived at the stop near the office and I got off walking into the direction of the bakery. After I got myself a sandwich and a croissant I walked over to the office. I quickly texted Taeyong that I arrived there and then entered the building. As I arrived my co-worker Jenny walked in with me.

“Good morning Y/N”, she said and smiled at me.

“Good morning Jenny”

“Have you heard about the new amusement park they’ll open on Saturday?”, she asked excited as if she couldn’t wait for my answer.

“No I haven’t. Tell me about it”

“They said there will be a lot of cool rides and a big Farris wheel where you can look over the whole city on its highest point.”, she explained excited.

“That sounds really nice. Maybe I can take Taeyong with me”, I mumbled more to myself than to her.

“Taeyong? Who’s that? Your boyfriend?”, she asked with a raised brow and a smirk on her face.

What should I say? He wasn’t really my boyfriend. At least we didn’t exchange our feelings really so it wouldn’t be good to assume that he was my boyfriend. I could just tell Jenny the whole story but that would take too much time. So I just decided to tell her to least I could.

“No. He’s a hybrid. He lives with me”

“Oh...wait! Since when do you have a hybrid?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.”

I walked to my office and got straight to my work. It wasn’t as much work as yesterday meaning that it could be that I might get to go home early if I finish everything quickly. The mountain of work got a lot smaller when it was lunchtime. I felt like going to the canteen today even though I didn’t go there most of the time since it was noisy and all the co-workers where gathered there talking about god knows what. As I arrived there I got myself something to eat and sat down at a table with Jenny and some other people from our department.

“Hey! You left your office to eat for once”, she laughed and playfully hit my shoulder.

“I felt like socialising with you guys today”, I laughed and smiled at the others sitting at the table with us.

“So. You still need to tell us about that hybrid of yours”, one of them said and I sighed.

Jenny could never keep anything to her. She’s one of those people you can’t control what comes out of their mouth and sometimes information slips that wasn’t supposed to be said. I wasn’t mad at her since I didn’t mind the others knowing that I was living with a hybrid since I knew that they were pretty tolerant towards hybrids.

“That’s a really long story”

I started to tell them that I found him injured on the street about a month ago and took him in. I also told them about Haechan and Louis Green and what happened. I didn’t tell them about everything in detail since they just needed to know the basics. My co-workers looked at me some with a sad face and some really curious.

“So that means that you own that hybrid, right?”, Jenny asked and I shook my head.

“No. He lives with me but he doesn’t belong to me. He is officially still adopted by Louis Green”

Whenever I had to say that mans name my stomach turned and I had the feeling as if I had to puke any moment. Thinking about the bruises Haechan and Taeyong had caused my that bastard didn’t make that thought any better. I was just glad that they were healing on their own pace, mentally and physically.

“Does that mean that he will always count as that guys family?”, one of them asked.

“Actually, I never really thought about that. But now that you mention it, it might really be like that. I’ll have to call the adoption center and ask them if it is possible to undo an adoption.”

“Will you adopt him then?”, Jenny asked.

“I don’t know. If he wants me to I’ll gladly do it. But I won’t force him. It’s his decision. I don’t even know if he wants to stay with me forever. Maybe it’s better if I don’t adopt him.”

“You literally saved his life. I wouldn’t know anyone who would want to ever leave their saviour after something like this. Talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll be very happy”, she said and pat my shoulder.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Can we see a picture?”, one of them asked and I smiled.

“Sure.”

I showed them my wallpaper that showed a selfie that Taeyong and I took as we were chilling on the couch. His hair was messy on the picture and his cheeks slightly pink as he shyly looked into the camera. A loud “Aww” sounded through the room and everybody looked at our table. I apologised for the noise and looked at my co-workers angrily.

“He looks really cute. I bet he is a really good boy. Does he purr?”, she asked excited looking at me with hearteyes.

“Yes he does. He is very clingy but I don’t mind that. He is the cutest. Whatever you think is cute double that and you have Taeyong.”

Jenny giggled and continued to look at my phone.

“You should have told us earlier. It would be nice to meet him if that was possible”

“Well, he is really shy around strangers so I don’t know if that is a great idea right now but maybe some time in the future when he gets more confident around other people.”

It was really nice to talk someone else than Johnny and Mark about hybrids and they all seemed to understand me. We talked a bit more before the break was over and we got back to our desks to finish our work. I really was able to finish my work early. I brought my finished tasks to the boss and then went to pack my stuff. It was only 3 pm now meaning that I was able to finish 2 hours early. I was really happy that I now get to spend more time with my favourite boy on this beautiful Friday afternoon. I decided to surprise Taeyong at home. I quickly went food shopping on my way before I walked into the apartment building. I walked a different way to the elevator just to make sure that no one at the pancake shop could see me coming home already. As I arrived at the apartment, I put away the groceries and began to bake cookies. I knew that Taeyong loved the cookies I backed and I always love watching his happy face whenever he gets to eat them. As I was done with the dough and had put them in the oven, I decided to research if it was possible to undo an adoption. After reading articles and old cases for what felt like an hour, I found out that it was possible under certain circumstances like violence towards hybrids and that we just had to add it to our case. I instantly called our lawyer telling him that it would be the best if all the hybrids that had been affected by Louis Green should be spoken free to go in court so that they could go on and live a normal life without still knowing that they were legally still a part of his family. He added it to our file and assured me that he would do everything to win this case. After the call ended I heard the front door open. I put away my laptop and walked towards the corridor. As he stepped in and took off his shoes, I already heard his voice.

“Y/N?”, he said confused that I was already home.

I walked out of the kitchen and smiled at him as he looked at me. A huge smile formed on his face and he walked towards me instantly going for a hug. I hugged back and this time nuzzled my head against his neck.

“I’m home”, I mumbled against his neck and couldn’t help but place a quick kiss on his beautiful skin.

“I-I s-see t-that”, he stuttered and I couldn’t help but giggle at his sudden shyness.

I loved seeing how he always changed from the confident man to the shy boy whenever I did something unexpected. I moved so that I could look at him. His cheeks were pink as always. I reached out to pinch his cheeks and smiled.

“You know. Pink really suits you”, I teased and winked at him which just darkened his blush.

“Don’t make fun of me”, he said pouting and looked at me with puppy eyes.

“I’m serious. Pink is a great colour on you.”, I said and stroked his cheeks with both of my hands.

He just smiled at me and closed his eyes enjoying my affection towards him. His arms were now placed around my waist still keeping me as close as possible.

“You know. I really enjoyed work today since I got to talk about my favourite thing in life during lunchbreak. My co-workers were all delighted after I told them about the pretty hybrid I live with. They instantly wanted to meet you in person since you are so adorable”, I told him about today and saw his eyes open slowly.

“Y-you c-can’t talk about m-me like t-that”, he stuttered and looked down shyly.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not true”, he mumbled quietly and let his head hang low.

“Hey…”

I placed my hand under his chin and softly pressed it up so he had to look at me.

“It’s true. You are beautiful, Taeyong. It doesn’t matter whatever people called you in the past. Have you even looked at yourself properly? Your eyes are the prettiest I have ever seen. You blush whenever something unexpected happens and try to hide your face even though it’s the cutest thing on planet earth or even the universe. Your fur is smooth and shiny just like your hair and I always want to run my hands through it whenever I see you. You are clingy but not in a bad way. And most important of all, your personality is even more beautiful. You are the sunshine in person. Everything I said about you is nothing but the truth.”

While I complimented him I noticed tears building in his eyes. Before they could leave and run over his beautiful face I pulled him closer and placed a kiss on his lips. This was the first time he wasn’t shy enough to kiss back. Our lips moved in the same pace and fit perfectly as if they were made for each other. My hands wandered from around his neck into his hair and softly pulled on it. The kiss ended after some time with both of us slightly panting and leaning our foreheads against each other. I smiled at him and watched his mouth curl upwards, too.

“I’m not just saying this because I really like you. I’m saying this because that’s how I feel about you and you should feel just the same about yourself. You are beautiful, Taeyong”

“T-Thank you. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t think badly about myself again”

“You don’t have to promise that to me. Promise it to yourself. You have to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else”, I added and cupped his face with one of my hands.

“I’ll try”, he whispered and closed his eyes.

“I know. Don’t pressure yourself. I’ll be by your side whenever you need me. Don’t worry about that.”

I placed one last kiss on his lips before we separated from each other and walked into the kitchen. I looked after the cookies while Taeyong quickly changed into something more comfortable. As he came back into the kitchen I almost dropped the backing tray. He had startled me as he walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist placing his head on my shoulder. He was normally too shy to do something like this which was why I was so surprised about his behaviour.

“Be careful. Don’t hurt yourself”, Taeyong said and tightened his grip on me.

“Sorry. I was just surprised. These have to cool before we can eat them so let’s just go to the couch and watch something, ok?”, I suggested and looked at him over my shoulder.

“OK”, he whispered and then turned me so that we were facing the direction of the living room.

He didn’t move from behind me the whole way into the living room. It was difficult to walk with a hybrid clinging to my back as if I would disappear any moment he loosened his grip on me but I wasn’t gonna complain. As we arrived in front of the couch Taeyong released me and sat down on it patting his lap.

“You want me to sit on your lap?”, I asked and he nodded.

I could tease him now and just sit down on his lap facing him with my legs on both sides of his thighs but that would probably be too much. It would be nice to see him all flustered but I think it probably was too early to do something like this. I sat down on his lap and instantly had his arms wrapped around my waist again.

“You are especially cuddly today, aren’t you?”, I laughed happy and moved a bit so I was almost laying on top of him.

“Can’t I cuddle you whenever I want?”, he asked and looked at me.

“Of course you can”, I answered and reached up to playfully ruffle his hair which made him giggle.

We watched a bit TV and stayed in silence until Taeyong began to talk.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. I’m all ears”

“When the trial is over next month…uhm…what will happen then?”

I was confused by his question. What did he mean with what will happen? It sounded like it was depressing him. I looked up at him over my head and saw his face. Worry was written all over it.

“What do you mean?”, I asked back.

I needed more information to answer his question.

“I mean…will you make me…yours?”, he asked hesitating and getting quieter with every word spoken.

This question made me even more confused. What did he mean by “making me yours”? After a short while of thinking something from an article about hybrids popped into my mind. It was about hybrids falling in love with humans. The text said that they would want to be as close as possible, in real life and legally meaning that the closest of being with a human was through the adoption since it was still forbidden for hybrids and humans to marry, which in my opinion was total bullshit. As this realization hit me I turned around and looked directly at Taeyong.

“Did you just ask me to adopt you?”, I asked excited since that could mean that this was almost like asking someone to marry you in the human world.

“Y-Yes. I mean you don’t have to if you don’t feel that way but-“

Before he could end his sentence I had already pressed a finger to his lips making him shut up. I didn’t need any more words from him to know my decision. There wasn’t even any thinking needed to know what I was gonna say.

“Taeyong. There is no way I would say no to adopting you. See I couldn’t imagine being without you anymore so don’t even think that I don’t feel the same way as you do. And actually…I was gonna ask you sometime soon if you wanted me to adopt you since you’d be free after the trial.”

I send him the happiest smile and saw him return an even happier one. He then hugged me and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I like you”, he said, his words filled with love.

“I like you, too”, I answered and nuzzled my nose against his.

God I loved this boy so much. I could melt in his arms right at this moment. The softness his voice had as he said these words warmed my heart and made me fall in love with him even more. We separated again and I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before I stood up to go to the kitchen.

“I’ll get the cookies, just a sec”, I said and almost ran to get the kitchen to grab what I baked earlier.

I placed them on a plate and walked back to the couch. This time I placed myself next to Taeyong so I could cuddle against him while we watched TV. Taeyong wasn’t used to being cuddled against like this. I noticed that because he didn’t know where to place his arms. I helped him and placed his one arm around me and took the other and intertwined our fingers. He looked down at me and then kissed my head like I would always do whenever he cuddled against me. Just this little copying me in this situation made my heart beat faster and I could hear Taeyongs heartbeat fasten too. As we were watching TV and eating the cookies from the plate a commercial about the new amusement park in town was screening. I remembered Jenny at work telling me excited like a child how amazing the park would be and it actually sounded like something perfect for tomorrows Saturday.

“Hey. What do you think? Wanna go to that opening tomorrow?”, I asked still munching on my cookie.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been to an amusement park”, he said which made me sit up and look at him in shock.

“Then we definitely have to go. You will love it. There are a lot of fun rides, you can buy lottery tickets and win things like cute keychains to huge stuffed animals and there is a Ferris wheel with a view over the whole city. It will be fun”

“DID YOU SAY STUFFED ANIMALS?”

Now I knew that this was a brilliant idea. His eyes sparkled and his tail whipped from side to side excitedly.

“Yes. Stuffed animals. We could take the boys and Haechanie with us. That would be fun, don’t you think?”

He nodded without losing that sparkle in his eyes. I could already imagine Taeyong running around with a stuffed animal in his arms pressed tightly against his body while he walks around with wide eyes taking in all the new sensations and eating pink cotton candy. Only the image in my head made me smile like an idiot. This was going to be the best day ever.

Next part                                                                

[until-theend-oftheline]

When They Had Nothing - Part 3: Friends for Life

Pairing: Stucky (Eventually)

Warnings: Fragile Health, The Cyclone (yes that’s a warning - ask Steve), Puking (Blame Bucky for that one), Character Death.  

Word Count: 3500ish

A/N: This is my new Stucky series. It starts with the boys as kids in Brooklyn and follows CAFA but from Bucky’s POV rather than Steve’s. I am sooo excited about this series which I have been working on for about 6 months as it’s written for @cabigbang

Art Inspired by WTHN by: @ischa-posts - thank you so much for taking the time to create art for my series!

Betaed by: @blacktithe7 @emilyevanston and @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off - Thank you so much for all your help!

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

MASTERLIST - CABIGBANG MASTERLIST + AO3 LINK

April 26th, 1935

“Come on! You can’t back out on me like that! It’s tradition by now,” Bucky practically whined, giving Steve a small push. They were walking home from school for the last time that summer. Every year for the past 3 years they had gone to Coney Island the first weekend of their summer break before picking up whatever odd job they could to help out their parents. Money was tight. More so for Sarah and Steve than Bucky’s family, but that didn’t mean times weren’t tough all around.

“Buck. Mom is sick. I can’t go this year. You know that” he sighed, before coughing as the dust from one of the passing cars hit them. Bucky noticed. He always noticed, but he also never pointed it out. Steve was treated as either a victim, small enough to pick on or a patient that needed looking after by just about everyone else. He didn’t need that from Bucky too. If Steve needed his help he was there, but coughing fits and heaving for breath Bucky usually pretended to ignore.

“I told you Mom said Sarah could come to stay at our place for the weekend. It gives us your place to ourselves too,” Bucky smirked, causing Steve to roll his eyes at him. Bucky was good looking and charming. He didn’t have to try hard to get girls’ attention, while Steve either didn’t seem very interested or have the same luck Bucky did.

Having a place to bring girls wasn’t Bucky’s real plan though. As fun as it was seeing how far they let him go with them without being forward, Steve was way more important to him. Sarah wasn’t getting better. She had good days, but other’s the tuberculous almost prevented her from getting out of bed. Bucky worried about Steve being in the house with her. He didn’t exactly know how the illness worked, but Steve managed to pick up just about every bug as long as people just sneezed within a mile of him.

It wasn’t even about that either though. Steve deserved a break from it all. He deserved a few hours to forget his mom was sick and that they had to struggle to get by. Bucky wanted him to have a good time, just like they used too before Sarah had started coughing blood.

“Bucky…” Steve began protesting in that voice that made him sound twice his age, and now it was Bucky’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Stevie…” Bucky mimicked sending Steve a smirk, and much to his relief, it broke the younger boy into laughter.

“You’re not giving up are you?” Steve sighed, and Bucky grinned, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, leading him down the street.

“Nope. We’re going,” he answered, knowing the battle was won. Steve needed a day away from everything as much as Bucky wanted him to have it.

They did go too. As soon as Bucky got home he arranged with his mom and dad to have Sarah picked up the following morning. She, like Steve, didn’t take kindly to needing looking after, so Winifred planned a weekend for them, pretending to have some changes around the house she needed Sarah’s opinion on.

Steve had become like family to the Barnes, much like Bucky had to Sarah. Just like Bucky’s place used to have been Steve’s getaway while his dad was alive, Steve’s had now become Bucky’s. At the Rogers’ there was no one making remarks about his grades or what he should be doing with his life. There were no remarks about wasted time or not being enough. There was warmth and hugs when Bucky brought Steve back home after having saved him from yet another beating. There were smiles and teasing. There was freedom for Bucky to be who was and accepted or even loved for it. Bucky didn’t just worry about Sarah for Steve’s sake. He worried because he loved her too. She was family, too.

So the next morning, after finally shaking his little sister that had insisted on coming, Bucky headed out the door with Steve after hugging their moms goodbye. Bucky kissed his sister’s cheek before he left, promising her a trip for the three of them before summer was over. A promise that made her face light up before hugging him goodbye, knowing that her brother didn’t make promises he didn’t intend to keep.

“We could have brought her with us you know?” Steve said, looking over at Bucky as he let himself fall down in the train seat next to Steve. Bucky just rolled his eyes, giving Steve his trademark grin.

“Nah this is our tradition. Besides having her pester mom and dad for money to go too will earn us an extra trip, just like every year,” Bucky laughed. It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes, but he didn’t object.

It wasn’t really why Bucky never wanted Rebecca to come with them on their first trip of the year. He loved his sister, and unlike a lot of other older brothers, he didn’t mind having her tag along most places. Coney Island, or at least this first trip of the summer, was different though. It was the first trip that he and Steve had taken together that required a bus or train ride. It was theirs. Something they did together and Bucky wanted to keep it that way. He liked having something with Steve that was just for the two of them and no one else.

This year was different though. Steve was quieter, and no matter what Bucky tried he didn't seem to have fun. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and he didn’t talk back as much when Bucky got snarky with him.

Normally by this time, Bucky would have found a couple of girls he tried to halfway impress and halfway talk Steve up too. It never felt completely right, but not wrong either. Bucky wasn’t even sure why. When he was his own the nagging feeling was never there, only when Steve was around. The truth was he preferred spending their time alone together, but he also knew Steve. He was too shy to walk up to a girl on his own, so it was Bucky’s job as his best friend to help him out. Right?

Today that wasn’t Bucky’s concern though. It was just to get Steve to let loose and have a good time. He wanted him to smile and have some fun. Steve carried the weight of the world at times, but Bucky would happily carry him if it helped ease his pain a little.

“Let’s go on the rollercoaster.” Bucky tugged Steve’s arm, grinning as Steve’s eyes widened. They had been to Coney Island as kids with their families, and Sarah had given Steve strict orders to never ride the Cyclone. Sarah however, wasn’t here now, and for 2 years the boys had followed her orders while coming here on their own. Maybe it was time to break a few rules.

“Have you lost your mind?” Steve looked up at the wagons with screaming people rushing past above their heads, and Bucky threw his head back in laughter.

“Oh come on Stevie. Live a little!” Bucky met Steve’s doubt-filled eyes, raising his eyebrows and smirking, knowing just how to get him to finally cave. “You’re not making me do it on my own are you?”

Just like Bucky knew he would, Steve had taken the challenge with a groan, following a laughing Bucky to get in line for the hell ride. Bucky knew the little trick had gotten Steve’s mind off home as his eyes warily followed the movements of the line and the carts rushing by above their heads.

Bucky, however, started to rethink the sanity of his idea as he and Steve got strapped in. He looked tiny next to him, but the look of absolute determination pushed Bucky’s doubts away. The world might have seen Steve as just small and fragile, but Bucky knew he was so much more than that. He was tougher than most kids. Not physically but mentally. If he decided he could do this, Bucky knew he didn’t have anything to worry about. Even if he still did a tiny bit, he would never let Steve know that.  

As soon as the ride got going Steve was cursing Bucky out with every jerk and bump, and it was all he could do not to laugh as the two of them were tossed about and into each other. He laughed even if he felt as if his bones were rattling and teeth almost broke as his mouth was forced shut a few times. Honestly, he was just lucky his tongue didn’t get in the way because then he might have lost it.

Bucky felt a bit like hammered meat as they got off the rollercoaster, but he was still in good spirit. Steve, however, was pale as a ghost as he waddled off, heading towards the nearest trash can. He, however, missed reaching it by a few feet before he bend over, emptying the content of his stomach onto the pavement. Bucky knew he should feel horrible, but the thing was he knew Steve better than anyone. He knew the levels of his breathing and how sick was sick enough that it was cause for concern. This was not it, so rather than pitying him and rushing him to sit down, Bucky stuck the hands in his pocket and walked up beside him, trying to hold back his laughter as Steve looked up at him, glaring in anger.

“You might wanna pay attention to where you are aiming pal. I’m not sitting next to you on the train home if your shoes stink of puke,” Bucky snarked as another flood came through Steve’s mouth.

“I hate you,” he grumbled. “You’re such a jerk!”

“Well you’re a punk,” Bucky laughed, helping Steve into an upright position. “Let’s get you something to drink to get rid of that taste, huh?”

As soon as Steve had regained some strength and gotten some food and liquid back into his system, he cheered up just like Bucky knew he would. He was proud that he had done what some of the other boys at their age didn’t even dare. He was back to his old self-laughing, talking and getting into trouble with some guys that were cutting line. Guys Bucky naturally ended up having to fight off when Steve got knocked on his ass, but he didn’t even care. Not this time. Not as long as Steve had gotten out of his head and was himself for a few hours. Seeing Steve relax and smile was all that mattered. That had been the entire purpose of their trip after all, even if Steve didn’t know it.

October 17th, 1936

The past year had been rough. Steve had barely started school before he had dropped out. He had to work so he and his mom could keep the apartment. She still did odd jobs, but the hospital had fired her for being a health hazard. Neither Steve or Sarah would take up the Barnes’ offer to let them move in with them. They knew money wasn’t flowing as easily through Bucky’s home as it had in the past either, but more than that, the Rogers’ were stubborn. They wanted to do things on their own, so even if Steve was sad he had to leave school he still did it.

Bucky, Rebecca, and Winifred did their best to help them out the best they could. They brought by whatever food they could spare. Winifred and Rebecca helped around the house with various chores, and Bucky brought by school books for Steve to look through. He spent hours going through notes he had taken in class with him during his sleepovers before they fell asleep close together in Steve’s bed. Bucky drifted off listening to Steve’s breathing, worrying about every little irregularity. They were normal for Steve. Bucky knew that, but seeing the decline in Sarah’s health scared him. He didn’t want to lose Steve. He didn’t know what to do without him. Truth was, people thought Steve needed Bucky to look out of him and to fight his battles, but Bucky needed Steve just as much. He reminded him of all the things he could be and always supported him in making the right decisions. So seeing Sarah getting sicker and sicker, knowing how susceptible Steve was, scared the living shit out of Bucky.  

Even George worried about the Rogers’ and drove Sarah and Steve too and from the hospital whenever either of them needed it. Steve and Sarah were grateful for the help even if taking it also slightly embarrassed them. The Barnes’ didn’t take no for an answer. Sadly no matter how much they helped, Sarah kept getting sicker and sicker. Right up until that October day when the Barnes’ all gathered at her house. Bucky was sitting at the foot of her bed with teary eyes as he watched Steve hold his mom’s hand, saying his final goodbyes.

Bucky quickly dried his eyes as Sarah’s eyes sought him out, meekly raising her hand for him to take it. He got up to sit by her side, opposite of Steve. Sarah smiled weakly, looking at the two boys.

“I was given one beautiful, perfect son, but along the way, I gained another. Promise me you’ll look out for each other,” she forced out her words, between fits out coughing.

“I promise,” Bucky’s voice was thick with grief as he spoke, but Steve barely managed to get out the words.

“We will.”

Sarah heard them, giving the boy’s hands a gentle squeeze before her eyes slowly closed, and she drew her last breath. Bucky wasn’t sure how he gathered the strength to get up and around the bed in time, but he did. He caught Steve before he fell to the floor; crying.

Bucky stayed on the floor with him, his arms wrapped around his best friend as he let him pour out his grief. Bucky’s heart was breaking, but as much as he loved Sarah, he knew it couldn’t compare. Not only did Bucky still have a mom he loved very much, but Steve and Sarah had been through so much more than most. They had leaned on each other through Joseph’s abuse. Sarah had been at Steve’s side every time he had almost died as a child, and Steve had been at her until her last breath. Bucky couldn’t begin to understand, and still, somehow he did. He did because he knew and loved Steve. He also knew he would die before he broke the promise he had just made Sarah.

The Barnes’ kept Steve close the next few days until the funeral. Steve decided to follow his mom’s wishes and have his parents buried next to each other. Bucky didn’t understand. He knew Steve put a lot of weight in his mother’s memories of the man she had known before the war, so he let it go. It wasn’t his choice anyway. His only job right now was to make sure Steve made it through okay.

Steve barely noticed the world around him for a while. He was still the same polite boy Bucky had grown up with, but the light in his eyes was gone. Bucky knew he felt as if he had nothing. He just wished he knew how to make him realize that it couldn’t be further from the truth. Come what may, Steve would always have him, just like Bucky knew he would always have Steve.

The funeral was tough on everyone. Sarah was a respected and loved woman. A lot more people than Bucky had anticipated showed him. People from the hospital, stores where she shopped, and random strangers she had helped with what little she could. So many people that Steve somehow managed to escape Bucky’s sight. Winifred was as unhappy about that fact as Bucky was. His parents had hoped to drive him to the cemetery and bring him back home with them for at least a few days. Bucky had no objections to sharing his room with Steve. If his parents wouldn’t have offered on their own, Bucky would have asked if he could let Steve stay at their place anyway.

He still had every intention to when he crossed town, heading towards Steve’s apartment. Everything was still empty and quiet when he got there. Steve wasn’t back yet, and Bucky knew he had probably taken a longer route home to clear his head. He could wait however long it took for him to get there. So instead of going home, Bucky headed to the sidewalk, sat down against the wall and waiting for Steve to get back home.

Memories of a childhood spent together filled his thoughts. He could no longer remember a time when Steve wasn’t there. All his best and worst memories held his best friend. He was the happiest when he was with Steve, and no matter what, Bucky wasn’t going to let him think he was alone in this.

“Bucky,” Steve greeted, pulling Bucky from his thoughts, and he looked up as Steve passed him heading for his apartment, knowing Bucky would just follow him. He did. Starting a conversation was hard though. Steve hardly ever shared how he felt and Bucky didn’t want to push him. He just wanted him to know he was there for whatever Steve should need.

“We were looking for you after,” Bucky spoke quietly. “My folks wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery.”

Steve didn’t look at him. He just continued his path up the stairs to the apartment followed closely by Bucky.  

“I know. Sorry… I just… I kinda wanted to be alone,” Steve walked with his head down and hands buried in his pockets. It was the pain in his voice as much as his word that cut Bucky’s heart. He didn’t want him to be alone. He wanted him to know he never would be alone. He didn’t say anything though, and even if the pain was evident on his face for a moment, Steve’s back was turned so he didn’t see.

“How was it?” Bucky asked instead, not really knowing how to get to the point he wanted to make, but he would get there. He had too.

“It was okay. She’s next to Dad,” Steve answered even if Bucky already knew. The repeating of facts made Bucky sigh silently, before putting on his brave face. He had never treated Steve as if he was fragile and broken. He wasn’t going to start now either. They would get through this together without changing who they were.

“I was going to ask,” Bucky tried to sound a little more chipper, wanting to trick Steve into thinking the offer was just going to be another fun thing to do together like when they were younger.

“I know what you are gonna say, Buck,” Steve interrupted, but Bucky didn’t let him. He just kept talking like he always did when he was trying to convince Steve to do something he was hesitant about.

“We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids.” Bucky nudged him, hoping some of what was Bucky’s happiest memories would trick Steve into agreeing. He watched his friend search for his key for a few seconds, but he already knew he wasn’t going to find it. Winifred had locked up, leaving the key was the Rogers’ always left it.

“It’ll be fun. All you have to do is shine my shoes and maybe take out the trash,” Bucky continued to halfheartedly joke. He still pretended none of this was a big deal as he kicked over the rock where the key was hidden, handing it to Steve. “Come on?”

“Thank you, Buck,” Steve nodded slowly before looking up at him. “But I can get by on my own.”

His words cut Bucky deeper than anything ever had before. He hated Steve couldn’t see it wasn’t about that. It wasn’t about Bucky thinking he couldn’t do it. He just didn’t want him too. He didn’t want Steve to be alone when he could be with him.

“The thing is…” Bucky shook his head slightly, trying to find the right words before his voice softened. “You don’t have too.”

Bucky took a step forward. looking into Steve’s pain filled eyes as he laid a hand gently on his shoulder. “I’m with you till the end of the line pal.”

Bucky could see the tears pool in Steve’s eyes as he took a deep breath, nodding. He was agreeing, and Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. He was never going to break that promise either. No matter what the two of them were to face from here on in, they would always have each other.

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Stucky Tag Team

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[winteriron-trash]

Hey for the auideas prompt list could you do 3 and 4 combined for WinterIron?

Oh, my god, this ended up 3k long, and I still deleted some filler. Damn. There’s a fuck ton of time skips, just because if there weren’t I would’ve gone overboard and written 10k worth of fic here. Character A is Tony, Character B is Bucky just because the most natural thought would be the other way around, and I wanted to mix it up a bit. 

3- ”Old Cold Soul AU”: Character A grew up in an environment where they weren’t offered very much affection as a child and now that they’re older, they have a lot of trouble conveying any emotions outside apathy, sarcasm, and being mildly interested in something. But after befriending Character B, an extremely lovey and affectionate person, Character A begins to fall hard for them. Awkward romance shenanigans ensue as Character A gets flustered over hand holding and hugging because affection is relatively alien to them.4- Character A has been given one month to find and kill Character B. Character B, however, falls in love with Character A.

It was an easy hit. Tony didn’t even understand why he’d been given so much time. It was a quick, easy hit. The son of some politician, a guy about Tony’s age, if a bit older, who seemed pretty laid back enough. It could’ve taken him less than a day if asked. Hell, if Tony pressed it, he could’ve done the job in an hour.

But no. The client had been specific. They wanted Tony to get close to him. Be all chummy, someone known by the family. And then kill the son, right in front of the rest of the family, leaving before they could gather any evidence on Tony. Something about the pain of betrayal or some dumb shit.

Tony really didn’t understand his employers sometimes.

Tony had asked, even begged, for the job to be given to someone else. Natasha was the best at putting on airs, she could have anyone wrapped around her finger in minutes. Everyone liked Clint, he was the type of guy you couldn’t even try to hate. Hell, even Sam had a charm to him.

But no. It was Tony’s mission. It always had to be Tony’s mission.

Tony didn’t mind killing people. He was an assassin for that reason. He was the cliche of all cliches, as Clint had put it, when it came to being an assassin. A borderline alcoholic, hardened and scarred by a shitty life, who’s only two emotions were apathy and sarcasm. And he was fine with that, in all honesty. As long as Tony got the job done, he didn’t care.

This job though was going to be the death of Tony. And just to prove a fucking point, he wasn’t even going to try. Maybe if he fucked it up, Fury wouldn’t send him on touchy-feely bullshit like this and let Tony do what he was good at.

Tony studied his file one last time with an annoyed sigh. James Barnes would be dead in a month, and no one could stop that.

James Barnes was attractive, in a youthful sort of way. His hair stuck up in wild directions, his smile glittered with a wicked gleam of a rich kid living at the height of his life.

“You’re my new bodyguard, right?” James said, pointing at Tony.

Tony chewed on his gum, containing his glare to a simple deadpan look. “Yes. Antonio Carbonell.” Tony was still pissed at Fury for making that his alias. It was too close to his real name.

“Cool.” James grinned. “I’m James, but everyone calls me Bucky. You can call me Bucky.” He studied Tony. “Aren’t you a bit young to be a bodyguard?”

He was, objectively. Tony was in his early twenties and looked his age, if not a bit younger. With the right hairstyle, he could pass for sixteen. “I passed the background check.” was Tony’s only response. “I’m supposed to be undercover.”

James shrugged. “Okay. So what, I’m supposed to tell everyone you’re my sulky new friend in a leather jacket with a gun in your waistband?”

Tony tilted his head to the side. “I don’t have a gun in my waistband.” His gun was in his coat pocket, thank you very much. With two knives.

“Are you sure?” James leered, wearing a filthy smirk. “Maybe I’ll have to check.”

“With all due respect, Mister Barnes-”

“Bucky.”

“Mister Barnes,” Tony repeated, eyes narrowing a fraction. “Our relationship is a professional one, and will be maintained as such.”

James pouted a bit. “You’re no fun.” He walked down the street, and Tony followed him. “Did you hear what I did to my last bodyguard that made him quit?”

“No.”

“Okay,” James said, in a way that was leading up to a story Tony most definitely didn’t want to hear. “So don’t ask how, but I had ten pounds of guacamole, a rubber chicken, and one of those office chairs with wheels…”

-

James Barnes was going to be the death of Tony. There was no question about it, it wasn’t an if, it was a when. When would Tony finally snap and shoot himself in the foot because of this abomination of a human being.

Tony was sitting in a coffee shop, sipping a black coffee as James waited for his friend.

“Hey!” James said suddenly, catching Tony’s attention. “Stevie! Over here you dumb punk!”

A blond man came and sat at their table, wearing a tired smile. “Hey, Buck.”

James grinned. “Hey, punk.”

“Jerk.” The blond man punched his arm.

“Steve, this is my new bodyguard Antonio.” Bucky introduced. “Tony, this is my best friend Steve.”

“Don’t call me that.” Tony deadpanned.

Steve blinked. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Antonio.” He offered his hand for a shake. Tony only stared at him, sipping his coffee.

“Yeah, he’s like that.” Bucky waved, speaking to Steve. “A real killjoy.”

Oh, that was ironic. Tony almost smiled at that. Almost.

“He’s young,” Steve noted.

“He’s undercover.” Bucky shrugged.

Tony held back an eye-roll. “Won’t be if you tell everyone.”

Steve snorted.

-

Three weeks later, Tony was ducking between drunk twenty-year-olds, looking for Bu-James. He zeroed in on an annoying laugh.

“Come on.” Tony grabbed James’ arm, tugging him away from the blonde slut that was getting a bit handsy with him.

“Tony!” James nearly shouted with delight. “Tony, why didn’t you tell me you were coming, I would’ve gotten you a drink.”

“Fuck your drink.” Tony damn near snarled, grabbing the red solo cup from James’ hand and dumping it in a plant. “You’re gonna get alcohol poisoning if you keep it up.”

“No!” James wailed. “I was drinking that.”

“Aren’t anymore.” Tony deadpanned. “Come on, you need sleep.”

James stumbled, and Tony righted him. “That depends, will you come to bed with me?” James purred, and a hand grabbed at Tony’s ass.

“No.”

“Why not?” James whined. “I’ve tried everything!”

Tony glanced up at him as he herded James into a car. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” Tony asked, sliding in next to James, giving the driver the go-ahead to start driving.

“I’ve tried getting you coffee, I’ve tried asking you if you wanna do romantic shit, I’ve even tried just hitting on you! What do I gotta do to be with you?” James asked, with the biggest damned puppy eyes Tony had ever seen. James whined, putting his head on Tony’s shoulder. Tony didn’t push it off.

“I’m your bodyguard.” Tony kept his tone even, professional.

“Yeah, but it always works out in the movies,” James mumbled.

Tony stared at him. One more week. One more week until Tony was supposed to pull the trigger. “This isn’t a movie, James.”

“Do you even like me?” James looked up at him. “Even a little bit?”

Tony didn’t say anything.

“Damnit,” James muttered, wiping at his eyes. “Damnit. I thought- I thought if I loved your stupid face so much, maybe I’d get somethin’ back.

“You don’t even know me.” Tony didn’t know why his throat was so tight as he said that.

“Maybe not,” James admitted with a sniff. “But I wanted to.”

Tony didn’t say anything. He didn’t have anything to say. He looked out the window with a pained sigh.

Wait.

“Hey.” Tony knocked on the window between the driver and passengers seats. “Hey, where the hell is this car going?”

“Sorry, kid.” The driver said, and that was not a driver who worked for the Barnes. Fucking shit. “It ain’t personal.”

Tony pulled out his Glock, cocking it. “Oh shut the hell up.”

“Tony?” James sat up, frowning through the haze of alcohol.

“Get down, and don’t fucking move,” Tony ordered. “You do exactly what I tell you, okay? Shit’s gonna get messy.”

Tony shot the driver in the shoulder first. Not because he was too sentimental about the man, but only to make sure if he didn’t have accomplices, Tony would still have someone breathing to interrogate.

The car veered, and Tony shielded James’ head with his own jacket as they crashed.

Then there was gunfire, and things really went to shit.

“Get down!” Tony barked.

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna puke.” James groaned.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Stay in the car. I don’t care what you hear, just stay in the fucking car unless I tell you otherwise.”

Before James could give Tony a confirmation, Tony was barreling out of the car.

One other car. Four guys. Judging by their gait, minimal training. Oh, this would be easy. Just a little stretch.

Tony identified the biggest guy and took him out first, bullet straight to the head. The other three charged, and Tony had to hold back a smile.

Ugly #1 took a swing at Tony’s head. Bad move. Never aim for the head first. Tony grabbed his fist, yanking him forward to use his other arm to break Ugly #1’s elbow over his knee. His scream was cut off by Tony snapping his neck.

Ugly #2 was at least a bit more oriented in his attack. He swung low with a fake out and managed to clip Tony in the jaw with the real hit. Tony snarled and pulled him forward by his still outstretched arm, shooting him in the chest.

Ugly #3 shot at Tony, firing so many bullets Tony wasn’t even sure if he was aiming. He did get a lucky shot in, grazing Tony’s bicep just before Tony shot him in the face.

Once they were all down, Tony ran back to the car with James and the driver still in it. He opened the drivers’ door, dragging the half-conscious man out of the car.

“If you think I’m gonna talk, you’re nuts.” The man laughed reaching into his pocket. Tony slammed his foot down on the hand, sending a cyanide tablet skittering across the pavement. The man screamed.

Tony squatted over him, pulling out a small knife. “Here’s the thing.” Tony’s voice dropped an octave, tone taking on what Clint had once called his ‘death death murder voice’. “I know you’re going to talk.” Tony trailed his knife over the man’s arm. “You’ve got ten fingers. And for every second you keep me waiting, you lose one. After that, who knows,” Tony dug his elbow into the man’s chest. “Maybe I’ll start breaking ribs.”

“Fuck you.” The man hissed.

Tony shrugged and snapped the man’s pinky with a quick move. His scream was like fucking music to Tony’s ears. “See? Look at me, being merciful. I didn’t even cut it off.” Tony leaned in close. “Can’t be too sure I’ll be that nice again.”

“HYDRA!” The man gasped. “I work for HYDRA! I don’t fucking know what they want with the kid, okay? They just said take him in, alive. They’ve got plans, wanna experiment on him or some shit. Said something about making an example outta him so other rich families wouldn’t step outta line! Shit, that’s all I know!”

“Hm.” Tony stood up. “I believe you. The cops won’t. But because I’m feeling generous, I’ll let you handle them on your own.” He slammed the butt of his gun against the man’s temple, and he was out cold.

“Oh god.” James was standing up, well, leaning against the car. “You just killed those guys. Who’s HYDRA?”

“I told you to stay in the car,” Tony growled. He dragged James over to the curb. “Sit down, I’m calling your parents.”

An hour later Tony was standing in front of a cop, recounting the story. He left out the bit about HYDRA, though.

“Don’t you think you went a bit overboard for self-defence?” The cop asked.

Tony shrugged. “It wasn’t self-defence. I was doing my job.”

“Bit young for this type of work.” The cop arched an eyebrow.

“So everyone says.” Tony deadpanned. He pressed the ice pack a medic had given him to his jaw.

The cop sighed. “You and Mister Barnes need to go down to the station to give your official statements. Considering this is a Barnes related incident, it’ll get swept under the rug. The worst you’re gonna face is that nasty bruise you got going on there.”

Tony forced a fake smile. “Thanks.” He stormed over to James, whose parents were still fussing over him.

“Thank you.” Mrs Barnes damn near tackled Tony with a hug. “Thank you for keeping him safe.”

“It’s what you hired me for,” Tony said. Tony glanced over at James, pursing his lips. “And if I’m allowed to speak freely…”

Mr Barnes arched an eyebrow, waiting.

Tony pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. “Might wanna be careful who you play in the sandbox with. I’m just some bodyguard. I don’t know a damned thing.” He shrugged, taking a drag. “But if I did know something, I’d tell you HYDRA’s got a big ass red target on your backs.” He spun on his heel, facing away from them. “But you know. That’d only be if I knew anything.”

He walked across the pavement, over to where James was sitting on the curb, still wearing Tony’s jacket around his shoulders.

“Hey.” Tony nudged him with his foot.

James glanced up. “You saved my life.”

Tony arched an eyebrow. “Is it that shocking that I did my job?”

“You killed four guys,” James whispered. “And you don’t even look winded.”

Tony sat down next to James. “I’ll have you know, I have a killer pain in my jaw right about now.”

James snorted. “Wow. You actually have a sense of humour.”

Tony didn’t say anything, only taking another drag.

“Thank you,” James said, staring at his hands. “You… I don’t know, you did some freaky shit tonight. I don’t know what it’s like to be a bodyguard, but I don’t think racking up a body count is supposed to be a part of the job.” James shook his head. “You’re my age, and… well, I’m scared shitless at the idea of haftin’ to kill someone.”

“It’s a part of the job.” Tony shrugged. He closed his eyes and sighed.

At least now he knew why the hit on James had been put out, and why it’d been so important that Tony get close, make it personal. If the Barnes had ties to HYDRA… Fury would do anything to cut those ties. Make an example of James. Not too different from what HYDRA wanted to do.

Ironic.

“Hey,” James elbowed him. “What’s wrong?”

“I just killed four guys, you really wanna ask me that?” Tony glanced at him.

“So you do have a heart.” James elbowed him again, grinning.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Come on, let’s get your drunk ass home.”

-

Tony tried not to think too hard about the fact that he stayed the night watching James sleep.

James woke up with a groan, gripping his head. “I'm dying.”

“Yeah, that much vodka can do that to a person,” Tony noted, sipping a cup of coffee.

“I liked you better when you had no personality.” James moaned, shoved his face into a pillow. “Sarcastic Tony is a dick.”

“I try.” Tony pushed himself to his feet.

James sat up with a guttural noise. “I’m dead.”

“Uhuh.” Tony walked over to him, offering a bottle of aspirin and water.

“Hey, I almost got killed last night.” James pouted, taking the aspirin and water. “You could give me a little sympathy.”

“Why? I saved your sorry ass.” Tony took the aspirin bottle back and set it down.

James stared at Tony. Tony… Tony didn’t know how to understand the look on James’ face. James leaned forward, and Tony, someone who’d always hated people up in his personal space, didn’t move away.

“I have a theory,” James said suddenly, voice soft.

Tony couldn’t do much else than arch an eyebrow.

“I think…” James cleared his throat. “I think maybe you do like me. But you don’t know shit about emotions. You’re like the old, rugged hero who buries his emotions by punching people. And I think if you let yourself like me, you’d be a lot happier.”

Tony blinked. He took a deep breath. “I think your hangover is doing most of the talking for you.” He spun on his heel, walking away from Bucky. No, James. Walking away from James.

“See?” James stood up, then groaned, grabbing his head. He righted himself again, following Tony. “That’s what I mean! You completely avoided the emotions!”

“You’re my employer, Mister Barnes.” Tony glanced over his shoulder. “That’s the only emotion that needs to be between us.”

“Need and want are two different things.”

Tony studied Bucky. Six days. He had six days to live. Tony couldn’t get emotional, those sorts of things could get messy. They always did. Bucky was just another mark. Tony tried not to think about how things might’ve been different if Bucky wasn’t his mark.

“Your point?” Tony fought to keep his voice even.

“My point is,” James grabbed his arm. “I want you. And I think you want me too. Just… give me a chance?”

“You don’t want to get tangled with me, Barnes.” Tony pushed his hand away. “Your father has a press conference in an hour. I suggest you get dressed.”

-

Bucky was right. Tony had a problem. Oh god, he had a big problem.

He was supposed to kill Bucky today. In fact, his deadline was in less than an hour.

And Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to make it. Oh fuck.

“Mister Carbonel?” Bucky’s mother called. “Would you like some pasta? It’s amazing. Tastes like it came from Italy.”

Tony glanced up. It did admittedly smell amazing, like something his mother would’ve made ages ago. But with the way Tony’s gut was churning, he couldn’t stomach it. “No thank you.” He shook his head.

She offered him a smile but sat down to eat with her family. Tony watched them eat, watched them while away his precious time.

This would’ve been a perfect time. With both parents present, a calm atmosphere, no one would see it coming. Tony could pull out his knife, slit Bucky’s throat. Be out of the state before morning, ready for a new mark, with SHIELD already covering his tracks.

He couldn’t do it, though. Tony knew he couldn’t. Bucky was right. Tony liked him. And as someone who wasn’t used to emotions, he couldn’t do it. So instead he numbly watched the family eat dinner, clean up the dishes, then followed Bucky to his room.

“James.” Tony grabbed Bucky’s arm.

Bucky screamed. “Jesus fuck! Don’t scare me like that!” He thought a moment and frowned. “Hey, you called me by my first-”

Tony glared hard at him. “Shut up. James, do you trust me?”

“Do I- what?” Bucky blinked.

“Do. You. Trust. Me.”

“Yes?” Bucky tilted his head to the side.

Tony nodded. “Good. Pack this pack-” he threw a black duffel bag at Bucky- “with only what you absolutely need. Now.”

“Wait, what?” Bucky caught the bag but didn’t do anything with it. “Look, if you’re trying to get me to elope, you should know I’m honoured but-”

“God, would you shut up!” Tony snapped. “I’m trying to save your fucking life. I’ll explain in the car if you just move!”

Bucky stared at him for a long moment, then shook himself out of it and started moving. “I really hope you’re not kidnapping me.” He muttered as he shoved clothing into the bag.

It took Bucky less than ten minutes to pack, something Tony was marginally impressed by. He grabbed Bucky’s arm, dragging him down the stair, out the back door, and into a car.

“Okay, do I get an explanation now?” Bucky asked as they started driving.

“It’s not one you’re going to like,” Tony warned.

“I don’t care.” Bucky insisted.

Tony took a deep breath. “I was hired to kill you.” James opened his mouth, but Tony silenced him with a finger. “Shut up and let me finish. I work for a place called SHIELD. I’m an assassin. You were my mark. They wanted me to get close to you, then kill you.

“I didn’t want to take the job. I don’t do long-term marks. I’m in, I’m out. That’s what I’m good with. But apparently, I was on someone’s shit list. And I got you. Look, you know how those guys said they were HYDRA? The ones who tried to kill you?”

“Yeah?” Bucky was nodding along but didn’t look quite like he was getting it.

Tony flexed his fingers on the wheel. “HYDRA and SHIELD are longtime rivals. Don’t ask me why. Your parents were working closely with HYDRA, and SHIELD wants to hit them where it hurts.” Tony glanced at Bucky. “They must’ve stepped out of line, though. Because HYDRA doesn’t seem too keen on them either. And you’re the collateral damage both ways.”

“Oh,” Bucky whispered. “Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah, shit is right.” Tony gripped. “And trust me, when SHIELD realizes I missed my mark, they’ll send someone in to finish the job, and it really won’t be pretty.”

“Why?”

“What?” Tony said.

“Why?” Bucky repeated. “Why did you save me? Why didn’t you kill me? You… you killed four guys without thinking. Even if you didn’t want to kill me… you could’ve just left me. You’ll get in trouble for this, right? Saving my life and protecting me?”

“I can handle that heat.” Tony shrugged. “As for saving you… maybe you weren’t completely off base.” He said quietly. “About the emotions stuff.”

Bucky sat in silence. “Oh my god. You like me.” He finally, finally whispered.

“Shut up.”

[sunnyupsidedown]

barely breathing 3 / 4

[part1] [part2] [AO3]

A/N: Goodbye open ending, hello happy ending. Well, not yet.

Renee was humming softly under her breath as she hung up the last of her clothes when a knock came at their dorm door.

“I’ll get it,” Dan said from the living room. The old, beat up recliner creaked as Dan stood, her footsteps soft on the carpet.

“What are you doing here Andrew.”

Renee paused at Dan’s tone.

“Renee.” Andrew’s voice drifted into her room.

At the obvious summoning, Renee set her last shirt on the bed to put up later. Out by the door, Dan held the door open but blocked Andrew’s path in. Renee examined Andrew closer. She saw him at the court earlier but now was a little different. His expression was neutral, like the times before he stepped onto court for a game when he was off his medicine. But it was worse now. So much worse. Before, mania creeped into the edges of his expression, a ghostly imprint of the drugs still in his system. Now, it was like a blank slate, a face slack in sleep or in death but with the eyes still open to the world.

Their eyes met and it was like looking into a void. Andrew gave the barest of nods before leaving. Renee understood and went to change into some looser clothes.

They met up at the usual place in the Fox Tower’s basement. The air chilly compared to the higher floors. Andrew slid into a starting stance the moment Renee walked in and she followed suit.

They stared each other down, slowly circling around the room. Andrew moved first, a little unusual in their spars. Renee reacted quickly and Andrew was on the ground from an easily dodged maneuver.

“You’re distracted,” Renee said to Andrew’s supine form.

Andrew didn’t say anything and got up to start again. It was a repeat of the first time; Andrew was back on the ground.

Renee had enough. Andrew got into a starting position but Renee sat down cross legged and stared up at Andrew pressuring him to do the same. He submitted and sat.

“What’s wrong?”

Andrew was silent for a long time before he spoke. “I seem to have some gaps in my memory. Is he one of mine or one of yours?”  

Renee’s eyes drew to his neck, to the bandages peeking out from the edges of his collar and suddenly she knew what had happened while Andrew was at Easthaven. And she knew who Andrew was referring to as well. Her own faded scars ached for a short second. It was harder to breath like her throat was clogged despite the emptiness she knew was there.

“What do you want to know?”

“Neil Josten.”

Kevin grabbed two shots from Neil’s tray and downed them in quick succession. His eyes were already glazed from the first round of drinks and the packet of dust he inhaled earlier, but Neil still played it safe and spoke German anyway. “Why does Roland think you’re tying me down?”

There it was again in Andrew’s eyes, a deep emptiness like part of his soul was missing. “He probably thinks you’re as bad at following directions as he is.” Neil frowned. That wasn’t quite what he was looking for. He tried again. “What’s outside of coach’s pay grade?”

“It’s irrelevant since I don’t exactly know who you are.” Andrew closed his mouth and Neil knew he would get no more answers out of him for the night.

Neil frowned while he turned Andrew’s words around in his mind. He was careful. Andrew couldn’t know everything about him except the things he’s told him and Kevin wouldn’t say anything.

And then it hit him and his stomach clenched like his drink was spiked again.

Neil was smart. He wouldn’t have survived as long as he did if he didn’t have some deductive reasoning skills. He ran through every interaction he’s had with Andrew since he came back from Easthaven. The clues were everywhere: the way he ignored Neil at first, the coldness that everyone said was normal when Neil knew Andrew was far from heartless, the bandages that were around his neck and the scars that lie under them. He didn’t know how he could be so blind especially since he suffered from the same disease. Neil was going to puke but this time not from the flowers.

And that’s when the second realization came.

Andrew was in love with him.

But not anymore.

The world tilted on its axis, nausea sat rooted in the pit of his stomach, and pain blossomed in his chest. He never expected anything to happen between him and Andrew, but the cold truth still stung. Neil planned on running at the end of the season, but there was no use to it now. If his father doesn’t get to him first, the flowers will take care of him. Either way, he was doomed to an early death.

--

The days passed slowly and Neil found himself seeking Andrew out. It would never be anything. Every moment spent with him, another spike of pain lodged itself in his chest, but being with Andrew, was like being on an exy court. With every meaningless conversation they had up on the rooftop and the secrets exchanged in their game of truths, Neil felt like himself. Not Chris or Alex or any of the personas he’s created while on the run. He felt alive. When he was gone and he was just a footnote in the Foxes’ yearbook, he knew that there at least one person who cared about him, that he left some type of mark on the world, that someone would remember the insignificant man named Neil Josten.

His birthday came and blood dripped from his locker, a number counted down on his cell phone. The game was a blur. He vaguely knew they won but it was like watching everything through binoculars from the top of the Fox Tower.

Everything snapped into focus the next day when Andrew gripped the sides of Neil’s face and leaned in. Their lips crashed together and Neil’s heart stuttered to a stop. It was brief, lasting seconds before Andrew backed away with a storm in his eyes.

“Andrew--” Neil began, desperately trying to catch up in their conversation. “No,” Andrew frowned. His eyebrows creased together. “This is nothing.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted nothing?”

Andrew’s gait faltered briefly before he kept walking.

Something warm stirred in Neil’s chest. Andrew was not someone who would do something he didn’t mean. Neil didn’t want to say it was hope, but even he was foolish sometimes. The warmth grew until it burned through Neil’s veins. He could feel it coming and whatever hope bloomed in his chest was choked by the poisonous vines growing, thriving, constricting his lungs. He leaned over the side of the roof. Wind pushed his hair out of his face. It was a long way down.

He puked.

He wiped his mouth, his throat raw, his hand stained red like the blood that poured from his locker.

It was nothing, like Andrew said.

He was fine.

“How are you today Andrew?” Betsy asked. Andrew’s face remained mostly blank, but his eyebrows scrunched together. A frown, Betsy has learned. The mug in front of him has long cooled off.

“It hurts Bee.”

“What does Andrew?” Betsy asked, straightening in her chair.

“It hurts Bee but there is no longer anything there.” Whether he knew it or not, Andrew’s hand moved to grip his shirt over his chest.

“Ah. I was afraid that was the case.” She tried to keep her voice neutral with the sudden anger rushing through her veins. Easthaven has some explaining to do and if it didn’t end in a malpractice lawsuit she would damn well make sure the doctors responsible were punished. “Since you came back, I noticed the injuries around your neck. I had a guess but I hoped it wasn’t true. I did some research anyway. Would you like to hear what I found?”

Andrew didn’t say anything. Betsy continued.

“Hanahaki disease is unique in how it’s a virus that attacks the emotions, specifically feelings of love. Left unchecked it will kill you. Most cases end that way, but since the discovery of the removal procedure, the fatality rate has dropped significantly.”

Betsy paused to checked Andrew’s reaction. He was still slumped on the couch but his eyes were alert with interest.

“When it’s removed, you have to remove all of it and what it feeds on. Any shred left will leave room for relapse. The surgery is sometimes lifesaving but it’s also a double edged sword due to the memory loss.

“Andrew. You’re a smart man. Just because the flowers are gone, it doesn’t mean you lose the ability to feel. There’s nothing holding you back from what you want. I want you to think about that for our next session.”

Neil Josten. Neil Abram Josten. The name tasted like dust on Andrew’s lips. The aching hole in his chest consumed him whole.

“Andrew.” Neil’s voice was soft. Andrew looked up at Neil leaning over his bus seat and he continued, “Let me ask you this. Do you believe in fate?”

The question sounded familiar and Andrew didn’t have to think about his answer. “If fate were tangible, I would destroy it.”

Neil smiled like he knew something Andrew didn’t. The sun streamed through the window, making Neil’s hair glow like fire and his eyes burn like dry ice. “Then, Andrew, you have to let me go.”

Andrew swallowed. He felt like he was backed into a corner with no way to escape except through the path Neil provided. He didn’t like it. It was unsettling how much he trusted Neil, how he was going to break his promise because it was Neil who asked. It left a sour taste in his mouth, but Andrew never really knew what sweet was supposed to taste like.

The little black ‘4’ was a blemish on Neil’s face. Death, in so many languages. Bad luck. His heart hammered in his chest.

“Okay.” Two sides of Andrew’s mind were at war and a bomb just went off. It was a punch to the gut that felt worse than waking up in Easthaven with a spotty recollection of the fall semester. In the settling dust, only one thing remained. “Okay,” he said again because he was getting into the habit of saying useless things.

“Thank you.” Neil smiled wider and the look burned itself into Andrew’s memory. A weight should have been lifted from a promise he no longer need to keep but it was like gravity tripled since the word ‘okay’ left his mouth.

Neil trailed behind and when Andrew stopped to look at him the words slipped from his throat. “Thank you.” For the keys, the promises, the flowers both gone and sprouting within his chest. For letting him go. In his life he never knew he would have the chance to feel like he does towards Andrew. He never knew someone would feel that way towards him. If their timelines lined up a little different, if Neil fell a little faster, if Andrew refused to go to Easthaven, Neil wondered what could have been. Could they have avoided the tragedy of missed opportunities? Could they have shared more than that one short kiss? The sobering zero and Romero and Jackson reminded him that whatever way it went it would end with him in a body bag so maybe it was best if the thing between them remained in the starting gates. Neil was a dead man walking and Andrew didn’t deserve a love built on a ticking time bomb. He deserved to have some sort of happiness in his life and he knew that he only brought misfortune. “You were amazing.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed in thought. He opened his mouth to say something but they were pulled outside and the final act of the tragedy of Nathaniel Abram Wesninski began.

[this is where part 4 goes when it’s done] [AO3]

[cosmosogler]

i don’t remember yesterday enough to talk about it very much. 

uhhh today i got up at 8 because i had to after going to bed at 1:15 and having trouble falling/staying asleep. naturally.

this week put together i’ve gotten 15 hours of sleep.

i taught my two labs in a row. it was awful, kind of. i’m so proud of my students but i just didn’t have enough energy to be on my feet the whole 4 hours. i had to sit behind my desk and wheeze every now and then if no one actively needed my help.

after that it was 2 so i had some lunch. i got distracted until 2:40 so i got started on some work i think? i ended up answering some emails instead and i had to track down my supervisor and talk about grading policies and stuff. then it was 3:15 so i went upstairs with jennica to have a snack. i went back down and poked at my classical mechanics homework until 3:35 when i had to leave for my appointment with disability resources.

we talked about strategies i am currently using and why some common solutions would be difficult for me. danielle offered to add assignment extensions to my accommodations but i told her that would probably just make everything back up a day later instead. i joked that what i really needed was an 8-day week with a 3-day weekend so i could spend 2 days straight doing nothing but homework and have saturdays to actually take care of my other life duties. like actually taking a full shower so i’m not a filthy animal.

i saw myself in the mirror and i am all pallid and my eyes look bruised. i’m pretty sick today, and i was yesterday too, but not getting enough sleep last night made it a lot worse. even in the bathroom on campus when i saw myself i looked... winded and sweaty, even though i was pretty cold. i’ve become a mouth-breather because my nose is just not able to take in enough air and that makes everything feel dry and scratchy.

danielle said i should really take this saturday to try and get myself back on my feet self-care and routine wise. i guess i’ll have to- i gotta take snoopy to the vet and get groceries and stuff and that won’t leave enough time to get to the department for more than an hour or so. 

well, maybe with my bike i could do it. the bike will cut out the 40 minutes it takes to get to and from the grocery store. and the 40 minutes it takes to get to campus one-way. and the fact that i have to wait an hour for the bus if i want to go home.

i should actually see how long it takes to get to the vet on bike. i’m worried about taking snoopy on the bike though- if something happened she would almost certainly have it much worse than even i would.

but the wait for the bus is over an hour and i have no way of knowing how long the appointment is going to take...

i’ll figure it out.

after my appointment when i got back to the department it was 5. suzanne had told me she’d be around if i needed help with classical but she wasn’t. i stared at the first problem for a while and then i did my e&m homework instead. i got the right answer fairly quickly which was a real confidence-booster. it’s just lagrangians i’m having so much trouble with... i don’t know what it is i don’t understand about them. i asked keegan for a pointer over text and he just told me what i was doing was wrong. then harrison came in to chat, perhaps because he was exhausted after also teaching for 4 hours straight. 

i asked him how to handle constraints and he looked at me and said “you don’t know how to do that?” 

but between him and luis i actually have a much better idea of what’s going on with lagrangian equations and the operations you use to get the actual motion happening in your system. i guess i had to actually write something down so they could correct it and explain why what i was doing didn’t make sense. i felt way better about my understanding when i got too tired to keep going at 6:50. i went home and got home at 7:45. i’d been neglecting her a little bit the last few days just because i’ve been so hazy and busy so i gave her a bunch of cookies. and i made chickpea chicken nuggets for dinner. they were... bland. i’m thinking it’s because my nose is clogged. but they didn’t make me sick thankfully.

i’ve been... my digestive system isn’t working very well this week in particular. sleep probably helps with regulating that too.

i meant to work after that but i ended up not doing anything. i watched some youtube videos that i already liked. it was kinda comforting even though it means that now i don’t have my classical assignment even a little bit done. i’ll have to work extra hard tomorrow. that means going to bed real soon so i’m not half dead tomorrow.

today i just had barely any willpower to work. i’ll have to rally what i’ve got left tomorrow, and saturday, and sunday, and monday, and tuesday, and wednesday, and thursday. 

i guess what i keep asking danielle, over and over, is how to be magic. “how do i retain the information i read in the textbook?” “can you help me read four times faster” “i’ve got the time management stuff and i take effective breaks but can you help me squeeze more work into the time i am working?” “how do i keep going when i am too tired to even move”

i talked about how, kind of, unfair it is that people who can’t keep up with the demands of an academic program just because of their hard physical limits get locked out. i can do the work. it just takes me longer. she said it was weird that it’s so fast and impersonal because the physics department is so small compared to the others.

i dunno. i’m not asking to be an astronaut here. i know i can’t because of my heart and general illness problems. but i mean, i’m not lazy. i don’t think i am at least. i work harder than some of the other people in the department even though they finish everything on time and i don’t. maybe i don’t work harder than them. but luis always talks about how he doesn’t feel motivated to do any work. i don’t know how his grades are so good... he just gets it when i don’t.

while i was waiting for my appointment to start a guy came in who needed triple time on his tests. i felt bad. taking tests much be such a huge undertaking for him. he reminded me a little bit of sophia. a normal person who just can’t get around very well. 

it’s 10:15. i wrote for too long, or started too late, or something. mom called. she said eve was playing fetch again. well, “again.” she didn’t used to like to bring the toys back. mom said eve saw them trying to teach wiley to fetch so i guess she wanted to show him up. or she really just feels that great with her leg off.

i’m gonna do a meditation thing for a few minutes and then sleep. i don’t think i’ll have time to work on classical before school. maybe i should devote that extra 20 minutes to squeezing in a little more sleep. i feel like i’m gonna puke every time i cough though and my nose is almost totally clogged so i don’t know how sleeping is going to go.

[bangtan-insfired]

Falling For You (2)

genre: fluff & light angst

summary: You were hopelessly in love with your best friend. Jungkook just wanted to help out. Never would he have thought he would fall for you along the way.

pairing: jungkook x reader x Taehyung

word count: 4,036

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6.1] [6.2] [7] [8] [9.1] [9.2] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14.1] [14.2] [15] [16] [17] [18.1] [18.2] [19]

The next morning you woke up with a throbbing headache. You slowly sat up, massaging your temples to relieve some of the pain and regretted it as a wave of nausea hit you. Looking around the room, you realized that the lilac walls and boy group posters did not belong to your room but to Jisoo’s room.

“How much did I have to drink?” You groaned, throwing the covers off of you as you stood up. You tried to remember what had gone down last night but it was all a blur. The last thing you remembered clearly was crying to a Taylor Swift song.

Promising yourself to never drink so much again, you decided to head downstairs to look for Jisoo. Hopefully, she would be able to explain last night. You continued massaging your temples as you walked down the stairs when you heard a voice. You stopped half-way down. The voice didn’t belong to Yugyeom and it definitely didn’t belong to Jisoo…

From where you stood, you could see the couch in the living room but not the people on it. Taking just two more steps down, you were able to focus on the two people sitting in the living room. Your eyes widened and you froze in your spot as last night’s memories finally decided to hit you all at once and the last person you wanted to see, was the person sitting comfortably on the couch.

You decided to just head back upstairs. Jisoo was bound to check up on you and you were fine with waiting until then. Of course, the easiest thing was to text her but you had no clue where your phone was at the moment. You were just about to turn around when Jungkook lifted his gaze from his phone and it just so happened to land on you.

“[Y/N]?”

“Is [Y/N] finally awake?” You heard Jisoo’s voice from the kitchen and you ran for the kitchen, completely mortified before Jungkook could ask if you were okay.

“What’s with her?” Yugyeom asked with mere interest.

Jungkook only shrugged, wondering the same thing.

**

When you entered the kitchen and sat yourself on the same stool from the night before, you were relieved to see a glass of water and Advil waiting there for you. You wasted no time in taking two pills, eager to relieve your headache.

“Well, good morning to you, too.” Jisoo greeted in an amused tone as she sipped on her coffee.

“I made a fool out of myself, didn’t I?”

Jisoo set her mug down and smiled at you, fishing her phone out of her pocket to show you something. You leaned forward to get a better look of it and internally cringed at her screen. It was a picture of you completely passed out on the floor cuddled up to Jungkook’s foot. Leave it to your best friend to take embarrassing photos of you at your worse moments.

“Delete that picture now!”

“No! You look so cute!” Jisoo replied, locking her phone and holding it to her chest. At that moment, she was grateful that the kitchen island stood between the both of you.

“You think that’s going to stop me? I know your password, idiot.” You snorted as you hopped off the stool and darted toward her.

Jisoo let out a scream as you managed you grab a hold of her arm. “Give it to me!”

“No! This is my phone.” Jisoo shouted back, breaking out of your hold and running out of the kitchen.

You followed after her determined to delete that picture. Jisoo had a thing for uploading embarrassing pictures, especially of you and Taehyung. She often used them for blackmail to get you and Taehyung to do things you normally wouldn’t do. It never worked on Taehyung. That boy could be making the ugliest of faces and he’d still look good. It could be the bias in you talking but you liked to believe otherwise.

Although Jungkook’s face wasn’t captured in the picture, you knew those close to you would immediately recognize the white t-shirt and pair of timberlands. If anyone else saw that picture—anyone else being the friends you and Taehyung shared-- they’d tease you nonstop and ask questions. Questions that you definitely didn’t feel like answering.

You smiled in victory as you finally cornered Jisoo. You had stumbled over the edge of the coffee table, bringing Jisoo down with you--which you were glad for because not only did she break your fall but her phone slipped out of her grasp.

Crawling over her body, you made your way toward her phone, despite her poor efforts to hold you back only to be met with the same pair of timberlands from the picture you were so desperate to delete. No, no. This can’t be happening.

Internally screaming, you slowly lifted your gaze to meet with a pair of curious, brown eyes. Twice. You had made a fool of yourself in front of Jungkook twice. You wanted to die then and there.

Jungkook bent down to pick up Jisoo’s phone and offered it to you. “Is this what you’re after?”

“Oh my gosh.” You breathed, feeling light headed as your blood seemed to rush up to your face. Your stomach began to twist into a knot. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Bathroom! Quick!” Jisoo exclaimed worriedly as she jumped up to her feet and dragged you to the bathroom. The phone was long forgotten. Your top priority was to make it to the restroom before you threw up on Jisoo’s white carpet.

“Aish, these girls.”

 **

After what seemed like hours of puking your guts out and furiously brushing your teeth with one of Jisoo’s spare toothbrushes, you sat on the cool tile of the bathroom floor. You’ve been sitting there for the past twenty minutes. At least you felt physically better. Mentally? Well, it would take longer for you to recover from all the embarrassment.

There was a knock on the door but you ignored it.

Knock, knock. You sighed. “I’ll be out soon, Jisoo. Don’t worry.”

“It’s me.” You heard Jungkook’s voice.

You stared at the door and decided it was best to ignore it. You had embarrassed yourself in front of Jungkook enough already. You didn’t need to add any more cringe-worthy memories. You still couldn’t believe it. Out of all of Yugyeom’s friends, it had to be Jungkook, who also stayed the night. Why couldn’t it be Youngjae? He was such a sweet guy and had no acquaintance with Taehyung whatsoever.

A minute passed and you were relieved. He gave up. You leaned against the wall comfortably, wishing you had your phone on you. What time was it, anyway?

“I’m opening the door.”

“Wait!” You cried. You reached for the door knob ready to turn the lock, cursing yourself for not locking it before. By the time your hand reached the door knob, it was already twisting and the door was lightly pushed open. You were too late. Jungkook squeezed his body through, careful as to not hit you with the door.

You dropped your gaze, not having the courage to look him in the eye. He watched you carefully as he leaned against the sink in front of you, trying to figure out what to say. The both of you remained in silence for a while until Jungkook finally sighed.

“It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not.” You mumbled.

Pushing himself off of the sink, he squatted down before you. He leaned his head down toward your face to look at you. “Come on, I’ll drive you to your dorm.”

“You know how to drive?”

Jungkook chuckled. “Would I be offering you a ride if I didn’t know how to drive?”

“I can just take the bus.”

“Come on, [Y/N]. Don’t be difficult.”  

This time, he offered you his hand. You stared at it for a moment, contemplating. Normally, you’d take the bus or walk from Jisoo’s house to your dorm. It was a five minute drive—twenty-five minutes if you went walking. You hated doing both and as much as you wished to avoid Jungkook until you got over yourself, you realized that it’d be best to confront him about what happened last night.

“Okay.” You sighed as you took his hand.

He smiled as he helped you up. The two of you walked back into the living room to see a concerned Yugyeom and Jisoo. “How are you feeling?”

“Like the Elmer of Malmesbury who crippled himself trying to fly with his homemade wings.” You replied with a wry smile.

Jungkook, who stood behind you, snorted at your comment. You could see Jisoo biting back her laughter. Yugyeom was the one who laughed and soon enough, the four of you were laughing and you didn’t feel so bad anymore. If they could laugh at your foolishness, then why couldn’t you?

“I’ll be okay.” You finally said.

Jisoo stood up and held out your bag for you. You took it, nodding your head at her in gratitude. Knowing her, she had gathered all your belongings and put them in your bag. “Text me as soon as you get to your dorm, okay?” She told you as she pulled you in for a hug.

“Yes m’am.” You hugged her pack and pulled away. Sensing that she was still worried about you, you sent her a reassuring smile.

“Noona?”

You turned to look at Yugyeom. “Yes?”

“Please don’t drink anymore.” He teased with a huge grin and you rolled your eyes.

Jisoo slapped the back of her brother’s head, scolding him as she did so. Jungkook and you exchanged a look of understanding, deciding it was best to leave now before you witnessed the Kim siblings fight.

**

You followed Jungkook to a familiar black ford and your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to remember when you had last seen this truck. Jungkook noticed and answered your question before you could even ask. “I may or may not have ‘borrowed’ Jin-Hyung’s truck.”

“Shame on you.” You said, shaking your head in feigned disapproval at him.

You had to admit this kid had some guts. Jin was nice and caring, but you knew just how much he treasured his truck. It was his baby. He rarely let others borrow it, especially Yoongi and Yoongi was one of the most responsible drivers you knew. You could only imagine the scolding Jungkook had in store.

“You should be the one speaking.” Jungkook replied as he hopped into the driver’s seat. He flashed you a grin. “Here you are, sitting beside me. You’re my acquaintance now. Where does that leave you?”

You gaped at him. Since when did Jungkook get so cheeky? You two shared mutual friends, but the both of you were not close. The most interaction you’ve had with him was the day you both realized you had the same philosophy class after attending the same bonfire the night before. Even after that day, the two you didn’t speak much unless it was to ask to look at each other’s notes.

“Out of this car before I get scolded by Jin, too!”

But before you could open the door, Jungkook locked all the doors, making sure to press the child lock button as well. You huffed, crossing your arms against your chest. “I can’t believe you,” you mumbled. “I thought you were the sweet and shy one of the group, but I stand corrected.”

Jungkook chuckled as he turned on the car. “Well, you’re currently sitting so…”

“Oh my gosh.” You groaned. You leaned your head against the window and closed your eyes. Jungkook had a reputation for being too “shy” to talk to girls that Jimin and Taehyung loved to tease him about. The boy sitting in the driver’s seat seemed to be the complete opposite of what you’ve heard. You couldn’t imagine him choking up in front of a girl.

**

“[Y/N]?”

“Hmm?”

“We’ve been in the parking lot for the past five minutes now.”

You opened your eyes as you lifted your head from the window, recognizing your campus and the dormitory building in front of you. You had been too caught up in your thoughts.

“Oh.” You unbuckled your seat belt but stopped. Not once has Jungkook brought up what happened last night and you couldn’t help but wonder why he was acting as if nothing had happened.

Half of you was relieved that he wasn’t mad or annoyed with the way you clung onto him before passing out. The other half of you was worried that this was just a façade. He was probably acting nonchalantly, because although he promised you he wouldn’t tell Taehyung, he was going to do it anyway. Taehyung was his best friend. You were simply just his best friend’s other best friend. If that was the case, then you decided to start planning your funeral soon. One could only endure so much humiliation in one lifetime…

“I guess now is a good time to apologize for my crude behavior last night.”

There was a small, awkward moment of silence. You felt his gaze burning into you. “Is this your way of apologizing?”

“Maybe.”

“No offense but-“

“Just because you started your sentence with ‘no offense’ doesn’t mean I’m not going to get offended. No offense is code for ‘I’m about to hurt your feelings but let’s pretend I didn’t.’ I’m not stupid.” You interrupted him.

“Fair enough.” Jungkook nodded, biting his lip to keep himself from laughing. He could tell you were annoyed—whether that was directed toward him or not, he didn’t know. What he couldn’t deny though, was how cute you looked when you were annoyed. He now understood why Taehyung pushed your buttons on purpose or why he always seemed to be giggling at you, even when all you did was simply exist sometimes. You were definitely something special.

You took a deep breath, trying to ease your nerves. If there was anything you were worse at—other than the way you handled alcohol—it was apologizing. Expressing your feelings was always hard for you to do, which is why you were always grateful for the way Taehyung was able to read you. At times, he seemed to know you better than you knew yourself.

“I’m so-rry.” You finally choked out. “I’m s-sorry for putting you in a very awkward situation.”

“You’re terrible at apologizing.”

“And you’re terrible at accepting apologies.” You grumbled as you stared down at your hands. “I was being sincere.”

“[Y/N]-“

“It’s noona to you.”

“Noona,” He corrected himself, sensing that you were getting more irritated. “If you’re worried about me telling Taehyung what I heard yesterday, then don’t. I won’t tell him.”

“How can I trust you?”

“I pinky promised, remember?”

It was then that you allowed yourself to relax—lips curving up into a small smile. It was silly, you thought, to be so trusting of a pinky promise.

“And you can’t break pinky promises.”

“That’s right.” Jungkook nodded, mirroring your smile. As childish as pinky promises were, they were still a legitimate foundation of trust. Not once has he ever broken one of his pinky promises and judging by your confident expression, neither have you.

“Also, don’t feel bad over what happened last night. I’ll pretend as if nothing happened.”

A wave of relief came over you, washing the worry you had away. You felt light as if the burden of your secret had been physically lifted off of your shoulders. Whether he knew it or not, Jungkook had said the exact words you had been hoping to hear. Jimin and Taehyung were wrong. Jungkook sure did know how to sweet talk to a girl.

“You’re an okay person, Jeon Jungkook.” You admitted as you opened the car door, glad that Jungkook had taken the child lock off earlier.

“An okay person? Should I be offended or pleased?” His eyebrows contracted, puzzled by your compliment—that’s if it was indeed a compliment.

“Thank you.” You told him sincerely and before he could say anything, you hopped out of the car and closed the door. When you turned around to wave goodbye at him, you couldn’t help but smile at his dumbfounded expression.

**

Every movement, every step, every breath he took was done with such caution and care that you’d think he was a thief, breaking into a house. But it was just Jungkook, sneaking into the apartment he shared with six other people, trying to avoid being caught. He slowly closed the door, holding his breath as he returned Jin’s car keys back to where he borrowed them from.

When he turned around, he froze as he spotted a figure laying on the couch. Oh no. I’ve been caught. His mind began to race with excuses that he could use to minimize his punishment, but the odds seemed to be in Jungkook’s favor today. It was Yoongi, who was laying on the couch. A snoring Yoongi.

Not wanting to wake up Yoongi, Jungkook kept his steps light as he headed for the stairs. He’d have to pass the kitchen first but if he could make it to the stairs without being noticed, he would be okay. He was just about to pass the kitchen when he felt a harsh smack.

“YAH!”

“Ow!” Jungkook cried out rubbing the spot on his arm where he had been hit.

He turned around and looked up to see an angry Jin holding a wooden spoon in his hand. The spoon was raised up, ready to hit Jungkook again if he needed to. Jungkook had never seen someone look so menacing with a pink wooden spoon before.

“Where the hell have you been? Why didn’t you text me you were going out? Why didn’t you text me you were sleeping over? Whose house did you sleep over at? And most importantly, why did you take my car without my permission?”

Jungkook stood there, his mind beginning to race with the different excuses he had come up with just moments ago. None of the excuses he was coming up with were reasonable and he knew Jin wouldn’t buy any of it. Expecting an answer now and not later, Jin hit Jungkook with the spoon once again. Not hard enough to bruise but just hard enough to snap Jungkook out of his thoughts.

Jin hit him again.

“I was at-ow! I was at Yugyeom’s. Ow!”

“Hyung, let the poor boy talk.” Jimin laughed as he walked in on the scene. Taehyung was by his side and looked just as amused at his oldest friend beating his youngest friend. It was as if he were watching a mother and son.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t expect to stay the night but-“ Jungkook stopped himself before he could continue. He was about to say the real reason why he stayed the night instead of just hanging out at Yugyeom’s as he had originally planned, but the reason was you…and Taehyung was here.

“But??” Jin demanded, urging for Jungkook to continue explaining.

“But we got caught up playing Mario kart.”

Jin eyed Jungkook suspiciously, contemplating if it was the truth or not. Jungkook just stared back. It wasn’t a lie. Jungkook had gone over to Yugyeom’s to play Mario kart and Jin knew just how competitive Jungkook could get.

Jin pursed his lips, contemplating on what to do. Jungkook closed his eyes, bracing himself for the impact of the wooden spoon on his arm once again. After a moment of silence, Jin lowered the wooden spoon.

“Did you win?” His voice was calm and collected—a deep contrast against how it was just moments ago.

“Yes.”

Jin took a deep breath, nodding to himself. He had to remind himself that Jungkook was still a baby and had a lot to learn. It was his first year in college and he was bound to make stupid decisions.

“Just please don’t take my baby out like that again, okay? You may have a license but you’re still a beginner.”

Jin walked back into the kitchen, leaving behind a bewildered Jungkook and a hysterical Jimin and Taehyung. They had been completely entertained by the situation and were surprised that Jin forgave Jungkook so easily. Jungkook was surprised as well but relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with Jin being mad at him. Last time Jungkook had upset Jin, Jin had put extra hot peppers in his soup for dinner that burned his mouth. He couldn’t get the taste out for days.

“Ah, I can’t believe our Jungkookie got off the hook so easily.” Jimin said, shaking his head in disbelief as he headed toward the living room.

Taehyung stayed behind. Now that the humor of the situation had worn off, he was back in the worried state he was in before. You hadn’t called or texted him back at all and this was a first. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. What if something happened to you? Or what if something was wrong but he failed to notice it because he had been caught up with Dahyun last night? Although, you did seem okay last night or at least, that’s what Jimin had said.

“Jungkook?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you heard from [Y/N] by any chance? I’ve tried getting a hold of her but I can’t.”

“Her phone died.” Jungkook answered. He realized his small slip up and smiled sheepishly at Taehyung, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I mean, if the call went straight to voicemail, it must mean she has it off, right?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung nodded. He noticed Jungkook’s uneasiness but chose not to question it. The boy did have a reason after all. Knowing you, your phone was dead. You’d always neglect your phone battery until it was too late.

“I guess I’ll stop by her dorm and see if she’s okay. Tell Jin I’ll be out for a bit.”

Jungkook gave his hyung a thumbs up. He watched as Taehyung walked out of the kitchen and as soon as he was out of sight, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He had almost slipped up twice and hoped that the third time wouldn’t be a charm. He could only imagine how distraught you’d be if he accidentally let out your secret and the thought of you being upset at him was not something he wanted to turn into a reality.

Jungkook knew he was going to have to take extreme caution and care, much more than he did when he was trying to sneak into his room, and think twice—no, four times as much—before he spoke. At least around Taehyung. He was a terrible liar. The most he could do convincingly was a white lie or a half-truth like the one he told Jin earlier. But he was determined to keep your secret safe.

Why? He couldn’t say for sure. He knew Taehyung would be upset at him for keeping such a secret from him. Taehyung cared a lot for you. If he found out that Jungkook knew about whatever was troubling you and kept it from him, he’d feel betrayed. Not only by Jungkook but by you as well.

Still, this was a much more complicated case since Taehyung was the reason behind your troubles. If Jungkook came clean about what he saw and heard, there would be two possible outcomes: Taehyung reciprocating your feelings for him or worse, Taehyung rejecting you. There was no telling which outcome would come true for sure. What Jungkook was sure of, however, was that if Taehyung rejected you, it’d leave them all in an awkward situation. 

Either way, Jungkook was screwed. It didn’t matter now, anyway. He pinky promised you. A part of him was relieved you had made the decision for him. But Jungkook knew that if he had decided himself, he still would have chosen to keep your secret.

He would risk his relationship with Taehyung, if it meant making you happy.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6.1] [6.2] [7] [8] [9.1] [9.2] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14.1] [14.2] [15] [16] [17] [18.1] [18.2] [19]

[ecotone99]

[RF] Day Off

​

Thursday morning. I got ready for plans I knew my friend would cancel on. He wasn’t feeling up to it he eventually said after talking about bills that had just come out. ‘That’s grand, no worries’, I said half meaning it. He would often cancel closely held plans at the last minute, and I knew why but he never spoke about it unless he had 2 or 3 pints in him. Even then, they were soundbites.

I sat on the edge of my bed with one sock on, yesterday’s contents of my bag strewn across the duvet. But I felt defiant. Emboldened. I finished getting dressed, threw a few things into my bag and left the house. I was in a mood that was alien to me. I had only felt it a handful of times in college and never knew what to do with it. A kind of hollowness radiated from my chest, but I had new eyes and I didn’t care what happened anymore. I was going to have a date with myself in the city because I can, because I never could. I figured I would have a lot of days on my own in the city when I moved to New York in the summer, so this would be good practice. Dublin is more a town than a city anyway; a friendly introduction to cities.

Rain was lightly spitting, just enough to force your eyes to squint and blink a lot the way broken sunlight through sparse trees on a motorway would. I walked through my tiny town that was only recently a village. But for a handful of people going from one bookie to another, and some parked cars, the town was dead. I ended up in the new housing estate for rich people that was probably 15 years old, and took the walk it had down along the Liffey. I had decided I was going to meditate by the river. I walked along its bank for about 5 minutes searching for the best place to be and not be. I found a felled tree and put my bag on it and found myself quite comfortable. I scanned from the top of my head to my toes. My back ached. I opened my eyes after about 10 minutes and there was no red in the world. The river, the bank, the field, the sky, all hues of yellow, green, blue. Then my eyes adjusted and red crept back in. A little bird on the opposite side of the river was washing itself in the water and having a great time. So was I. I thanked it, gave a half-smile-nod to the river and collected my bag and left.

2 minutes down the river, I took out my joint and smoked half and checked the buses. I missed it. Next one was 30 minutes away. Fine, no rush. Why rush? I put on my headphones and heard the muffled rain get thicker. I felt the half joint start to hit pretty hard when I put a podcast on and my phone died. ‘Oh, well. Wait, no. I’m going into the city. I need my phone. Maybe it would be nice to be without it? I’m definitely going to get mugged and not be able to call home. What’s the time?’ I felt no grounding in time. The conversation in my head took about 10 minutes but I had only walked a few metres. My heart began thumping. ‘Fuck if I’m getting a whitener off half a joint. Fucking Chinese weed. The bus is half an hour a way, and the journey then is an hour. That’s grand. I’ll be grand by then. And I’ve been in town many times on my own for college. But fuck talking to a bus driver. What if I puke my ring up on him? Should I just go home? I can’t see my mam like this. Just walk and breathe.’ So I did, feeling more and more like someone you’d tell your kids not to talk to by the second. I was sure either my heart would break my ribs or I’d pass out before it could. Then I got on the main road. Cars. Dog-walkers. Civilisation. I can breathe again. At least if I pass out here someone will notice. The walk was entirely automatic from there which was good for feeling a bit more normal and safe but also bad because it got me back in my head again. I stood alone at a traffic light and pressed the button. No cars anywhere. No Green Man. Just rain scattering by a glowing Red Man, carrying his glow a little further than he could alone. People entered and exited the Tesco opposite. They must think I’m strange: no traffic, so why just stand there? I could feel their eyes on me, their eyes that were clearly nowhere near to looking at me. I crossed the road when the rain’s trail went from red to green and, as if as soon, the rain dried up and roaring hot sun belted down. April’s weird. The light blue with white clouds above me was besieged on all sides by angry, dark blue-grey clouds and no bees.

At last, I could see the bus stop. I made it, and with 4 minutes to spare. Success. Then it came and I hopped on after an entirely normal interaction with the bus driver that I didn’t even need to replay in my head. I sat upstairs in the front two seats on the left. It was far too hot but I made it and there was a plug socket by my seat so I charged my phone. Just like the blue sky that opened up amongst the dark clouds, I could feel my whitener anxiety leaving me. I put my ‘Pure Class Tunes’ playlist on and watched the sunny journey in my new stoney glow.

*

Being in the city for any length of time always gives me dry lips and a headache. It always feels like there’s grime or dust on my face. I can feel it in my nose. The Japanese tourists got it right wearing those medical masks about the city. They wear them if they have a cold or a flu or some kind of ailment so as not to pass it on. Something the West wouldn’t think to do. It’s different in the Far East, their society evolved differently. They’re much more communal, a mind for each other. Still though, I like to think they wear the masks because of the pollution, as if it vindicates me, nodding knowingly in my mind to any Japanese people I walk by wearing one.

I always wash my hands and face as soon as I get home. Wash cloth, roasting hot water, exfoliating passion fruit face wash. The city always forces its way into my home so I have to scrub it away. My face would be flush red afterwards but I could breathe again. Then into comfy clothes and on with the kettle for a cup of tea.

It was the bus in particular that felt the dirtiest. When you’re on a Bus Éireann in the early evening, when the sun goes kind of golden, when it gets lazy before it sets, the light shines through the manky greyed out windows, tiger-striped by god-knows-what, at an angle that reveals all the tiny particles of dust flying around that you don’t normally see. If you smack the chair in front of you, there’s this little mushroom cloud of dust that follows your hand up from the recoil of the impact and joins the attacking barrage of dust. It’s hard to breathe after you see that. Little sips through the gaps between your fingers, not big bellyfulls. Fresh air is a privilege, not a right, in the city. That’s why I always feel the dirt in my nose.

I run the tap as hot as it goes, filling the room with steam, to try and detox my lungs from the fallout. Deep breaths. In-two-three-four; Out-two-three-four; In-two-three-four; Out-two-three-four. I like to imagine the hot steam purging my trachea and bronchioles like rinsing a soapy J-cloth; the more you ring it, the more suds wash out, the clearer the water gets. It was almost uncomfortably hot, like when the boiling hot air hits the back of your throat in a sauna, but it would always do the job. I looked forward to that routine, as countryside became city outside my manky greyed out bus window.

*

I got off at Ha’penny and it was raining again. I didn’t mind because my pre-whitener mood had returned and I felt unstoppable. Just me alone in the city. I could do whatever I wanted. The Jehovas outside the GPO looked like a good place for a chat, but I didn’t. The vignette that being stoned places over your peripheral sight only allowed a few people in at a time. I heard the scream of Luas wheels and languages I couldn’t place. I could’ve been anywhere in the world and I could only have been on O’Connell Street.

I went to book shops and lost all track of time in the 2nd hand sections. How many people’s lives were here? How many generations? How many sold as a last resort, how many yellowed and dog-eared had once been someone’s bestfriend and where are they now? Book shops are other worlds entirely. The outside world tried to get in with bestsellers and 2-for-1s but it remained somewhere I could really breathe. Everyone seemed to know it, too. The college students that I no longer was, the first years looking blankly at the Philosophy section as if expecting the right book to reveal itself to them. Sartre, de Beauvoir, Deleuze. Towering names that would become poorly attended morning lectures. The hollowness in my chest made sure I knew it was still there. I bought 6 books, 4 by Irish writers, 4 by female writers. I felt good about that. The rain had stopped.

*

I wanted to get a coffee or some lunch but all I could see were international chains. Starbucks, Insomnia, Costa. You could imagine kids on playgrounds trading cards with those names. I thought about these chains and prison chains. That’s profound. I congratulated myself. Walking up Dawson Street, passed busy, well-dressed people, I studied the buildings. Centuries old. Entirely out of place against the backdrop of hybrid cars, suits on bluetooth phone calls and the Luas. Dublin is an afterthought. If I looked hard enough at the Victorian and Georgian buildings, I could see cobble streets, heavy coats, peak caps, black smoke, workhouses, laundries. A steampunk film set establishing itself around me. Architecture is the most overlooked art, I thought. I congratulated myself again. In the end, I got a bottle of water and a Nutri Grain bar in the Londis on Grafton Street; it’s a chain but at least it’s an Irish one. I couldn’t find any small or family-owned businesses in that part of the city, rent’s too high. It was cold now.

I wandered into Stephen’s Green and sat on a bench by the ducks and seagulls and pigeons. They were all flocked around an older woman dropping breadcrumbs out of one of those thin opaque plastic bags you get your croissant or a couple loose lemons in. The last time I sat watching the birdlife in the Green like this I saw a great big heron overlooking the pond. I was still in college then. I couldn’t see the bird now.

I dug through my bag and found the small conical tube I stored the remaining half of my joint in, and smoked it while walking around the park, making sure not to light it until I was beyond a small group of kids. A tour guide spoke to a gathering of Spanish students in heavy read coats about this particular area of the park. I couldn’t see what she was talking about so I waited around til the group moved on. The Three Fates. I had never seen it before. Three faded-bronze-green figures, one in front of the other, the first kneeling, all with their hands held in some Christ-like position. It was a gift from the Germans after World War 2 for all we did for refugees after the war. The figures looked ancient and Celtic, like the Germans were acknowledging a shared history; family looks after family. Then I thought about the internet and direct provision and your uncle who spits bile about refugees in the comments of an article he hasn’t read and then calls the Famine a genocide. And then I remembered I’ll be leaving for New York in the summer, like millions of Irish before me and how, at one stage, Manhattan was one third Irish. And then I put my roach in the bin.

*

It started raining again, but this time it meant it. Everyone lifted their jackets over the heads and put on hats and opened umbrellas and run-walked towards trees and gazebos. The rain drops on the mud and tarmac smelled like scrapes on your hands and knees in playgrounds. I played ‘Rain’ by the Beatles in my headphones and walked the labyrinthine paths, taking no care over whether I turned right or left or carried straight on. I could feel my steps landing on the steps of Victorians and Georgians long ago. I saw a bench with a golden inscription on it so I stood by the mossy saxifrage, and under the tree, opposite it to see what it read.

​

IN MEMORY OF LOUIE BENNETT, 1870-1956, BUILDER OF THE IRISH WOMEN WORKERS’ UNION, WORKER FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE, WORLD PEACE AND THE UNITY OF IRELAND, HER SYMPATHY AND LOVE FOR HUMANITY KNEW NO BOUNDARIES

​

Of all the people I could have had lunch with on this day, I was glad it was her. I stood with her for a long time, staring at her bench, thinking of the internet, pulling off small lumps of Nutri Grain and eating them. After a while, after I had become present again, the rain tried to ease off, so I walked back to the pond to feed the ducks with the end of the bar.

*

On the bus home, my inevitable dry lips and headache came on in full force. I tucked my knees into my chest and thought about the summer, being in New York, leaving home, friends, family, memories, childhood. The football pitches opposite our house was being developed into a new housing estate. Just like that, a new future was made. A new past. All the houses looked the same; fresh red bricks, newly muddied pavement, almost-grass lawns. I hated that the children of those homes would never know the forest adventures down the lane that was now to be someone’s back garden. They’d never know skipping school on hot days in May, when everyone was allowed to take their jumpers off and undo one or two shirt buttons, when you should have been studying for your Junior Cert., to lie in those pitches as the only people in the world and talk about boys and girls and flick bottles caps at each other and play World Cup Doubles. What would their stories be? Where would they take place? We’re running out of fields! Why does progress always look like a clean-up crew at a bomb site? When I got home, I opened my suitcase and didn’t know what to pack.

​

​

submitted by /u/__Not__the__NSA__ [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2CZehr6

[jacklawsonsurvivor-blog]

Journal Entries II

Editors note: TW for attempted sexual assault.

April 27th 2018

I still have power as of the time i am putting these thoughts down. I have spent the past day glued to CNN and other news channels (fuck Fox News) and i think shit might be fucked beyond control. According to the news most of upper Maryland and parts of West Virginia and Penn are under a “Total Quarantine” by the Federal Government spearheaded by the CDC. It means that i am stuck here in my area for the moment. I am very glad my sweet wife is far from this. I am really unsure of how i could handle all of this with her here.

I went out yesterday and talked to my neighbors. Shelia & Donna are set with food and water for a while and we can see each other without having to go outside to signal. I gave them some nails to help board up the windows out front. Jeff & Barb aren’t home and i haven’t seen them for a while. I don’t know if they tried to bolt early but they have three kids. i Really hope they were on vacation far away. Finally Marko & Josephine are screwed it seems. They spent most of their money this week trying to get supplies from the food lion and weis but it seems price gouging and mugging was going on.  Marko has a really bad black eye and Jo isn’t much better. she got a knife wound up her arm. I gave her some of my wife’s thread in case her would came open and some more food.

The news is full of vids of attacks and the National guard shooting at people to get back away from the makeshift boundaries. The worst was at the Penn border. At least a dozen were shot as they tried to get out of the quarantine. The video of a little girl dead and starting to twitch as she got up will haunt me forever i think.

April 28th 2018

Things are breaking down fast. A house a block down that i can see from the deck caught fire. No one came to put it out. So far i haven’t seen any dead, zombies, biters whatever the fuck people want to call them. I still have power. So well done potomac edison. I talked to her today. My wife is holding it together but she cried on face time. i showed her all my supplies and how the house was defended. it made her feel better. she told me how much she loved me and happy birthday a day early just in case she can’t tomorrow. There have still been no reports of the pathogen showing up west of the Mississippi for a few days. CNN says they have it contained (In America) to mostly the East Coast. Lucky us.

After i got off the phone i decided to do a real audit of my supplies:

8 gallons of water, 24 canned soups, 4 pounds of white rice, 24 cans of ginger ale, 5 boxes of protein bars, three packs of fig newtons, two packages of crackers, 6 pounds of salt, 2 cases worth of random beer, 9 bottles of high proof booze, 20 cans of random veggies, 10 cans of fruits, 4 pounds of flour and random other stuff in the pantry. 3 twenty pound bags of cat food (for the cat)

As far as weapons go i have my baseball bat, 4 folding knives, a hunting knife, my compound bow with 25 good arrows and 5 not so good arrows. 1 old broad head, 5 current style broad heads, 3 stopper heads, 3 bleeder heads, 19 field points (bodkins), my .20 gauge with 10 slugs and 15 buck shot, and my .45 with 2 full boxes of ammo. Plus random lethal things in the garage.

i am well set and really hope this blows over buy i doubt it.

April 29th 2018

Happy Birthday to Me. Still have power but it has flickered a few times. I talked to Mom for the first time in days. Dale got her out of maryland and long with my step dad and youngest sister. i will owe that man forever. They couldn’t say where they are and that she can’t talk for long but she wanted to tell me she loved me and that she was safe. Mom tears are the worst. Hannah cried a lot too shes safe and really sad they couldn’t take the dog but shes safe and that is all that matters. Andy, god bless him, told me he knew i would be safe and that this is nothing for a gamer nerd like me to handle. he joked i have been training for this my whole life and  should be fine. Bless that man for making me laugh.

Dad called too. He is safe so is my step mom and step sister but,...my grand parents are dead. Someone went though the entire old people complex and shot almost everyone in the night. A letter was left talking about giving mercy to the infirm before things got worse. Dad is not ok. He is trying to be but he is not. He has food and weapons plus plenty of ammo. He is far from the quarantine area but ready just in case. i told him i would be fine. i hope i wasn’t lying.

I can still smell the smoke from the house that burnt down. I had the fire place cleaned last year so at least i don’t have to worry too much if it is still like this in winter. fuck. my grandparents are gone for no fucking reason. Lord give my old man strength.

May 3rd 2018

Where to start? Power is out and i don’t think it is coming back. There was an attack of Zombies two days ago. It started at the house behind me. I woke up to screaming and the power out. My new neighbor (i never met her not really) was screaming and holding her kid and trying to run out her back door. I could see she was bleeding. Her husband was following her. Fast. His face seemed wrong and distorted. Blood was all down his front. Before i could grab a gun or anything really the kid started spasming or something. Then ...then he ripped open her throat with his teeth. i puked up everything in me.

The neighbors next to them opened their doors and came out to see what was up. The kid sprinted like a shot to Ginny. She was nice. She liked to grow potatoes on her deck. She was hoping to make vodka this year. She won’t now. The kid got her in the gut. i had never seen guts before. i wish i haven’t. i froze for just a moment longer but the gun shots got me out of it. Someone i hadn’t met started shooting at the kid. center mass doesn’t work on zombies. i thought we knew that already. The Dad started moving again to the sound of the shots. i aimed at the kid with my .45. it was a long shot but i hit him. back of his head blew off.

Doug tried to calm his wife Ginny and didn’t listen when i screamed across the back yard to back off her. She turned and took a chunk out of his face. Their son Robbie didn’t wait. He took a bat to his Mom’s head. His Dad went inside. i heard a single bang not long after. The zombie Dad i didn’t know was still running after the shots. No idea what happened after that. It seems all that commotion must have called the other Zombies that had been around but had no reason to come my way. I did a fast check of the doors and my windows. i could see Donna on her deck give me the all clear.

i went out to my deck with my shotgun and my bat across my back. I could smell something horrible. Marko was walking at our fence line just sort of shambling. When he turned i could see his stomach was open and trailing his intestines. i didn’t eat for 24 hours or so. Jo was standing on her suv and started to scream for me. That of course called over all of the Zombies that had started to gather. I don’t know what i was thinking and i don’t know if i was really. if i had been thinking i don’t know if i would have done this. i ran to Marko and stopped two feet from him and shot him in the head. I told Jo to start running to me and head up the deck stairs. I shot two more Zombies. One i didn’t know and the other was a kid i saw at his bus stop all the time. God forgive me but i didn’t hesitate.

We made it inside.

I got her calmed down and told her she needed to show me that she wasn’t bit or scratched. She did but wasn’t really happy with me right then but i think she gets it now. She wasn’t but. She took her clothes off but i told her keep her undies on. i hope she appreciated it. I got her fed too. Her arm cut held. The short version is Marko was fuming about getting his ass kicked trying to find food and took it out on Jo. Seems this was a thing he did. I never knew. i feel like shit. i shared my good booze with that man. He tried to rape her. pinned her down and was going to “do what he wanted in what holes he wanted.” she said that she felt something break in her. She grabbed a knife (this happened in their kitchen) and managed to sliced him enough to make him let go. He charged she did it again and cut him all the way open.

She had only a few moments to breath before he turned. He chased her around the house and out the door. She hid on the top of their deck roof for hours. She said by the time she came down Marko wasn’t running anymore just shambling. She got chased up on the SUV then i walked out.

I need a drink.  

[the-mrs-indy]

∼RIP Daddy - 08.04.2017 - I love you!!∼

∼Part #01∼

∼Okay...So this post/update is going to be posted in two parts. Mainly cuz Tumblr wants to limit how much I can write in one single post. Plus, y'all know me...I tend to ramble when I'm upset...∼

∼My Dad passed away Friday, August 4th, 2017. It's been a little over a month and it still feels like he just passed away yesterday. I have never experienced a pain this excruciating in my life.∼

∼I never in my life knew what heartache and heartbreak actually were - Until the day my Dad died. Losing my Dad is literally the most painful and heartbreaking thing I've ever been through in my entire life!! I have been a Daddy's Girl since the day my Mom introduced me to my Dad. For this who don't know, my Dad is not my biological father. He is technically my Stepdad - But him and my Mom started dating when I was 2-1/2 years old - They got married a month after my 4th birthday {{I'm now 29-years-old}}. My biological father was in prison most of my life and never took the time to even ∗TRY∗ to be a father when he got out of prison. So the man that was supposed to be my Stepdad ended up being my daddy. He raised me as his own daughter from the minute he met me. I was his little girl - and I was a Daddy's Girl. Nothing could come between the two of us. My Mom always says she was so in awe of the father/daughter relationship we had. She said it made her so happy to see me happy. And that's how it was - as long as I was with my Dad, I was the happiest girl in the world. And then when Austin was born, it was the same thing. He was a Papaw's boy from the minute he was born. Austin and my Dad were attached at each other's hips - They were literally best friends. So losing my Dad has completely broke my heart - I'm not myself anymore. I'm no longer the Heather I used to be - and I'm not sure if I'll ever truly by myself again.∼

∼Anyways, my Dad had gall bladder surgery on 07.05.2017 {{on his 53rd birthday}} but instead of getting better, he gradually got sicker & sicker. Austin went down to my Mom & Dad's for the weekend two weeks before my Dad passed away. Everything was going great until Friday, July 21st, 2017 at around 4:20am in the morning. My Dad woke up vomiting blood & urinated blood profusely. He couldn't breathe & was gagging by the time Austin woke up, heard him & went to check on him. My Dad told Austin to run & get MeeMee {{my Mom}} ∼ Quickly!! Austin got my Mom & while she was rushing to see what was happening, Austin grabbed my Mom's cell phone & called 911. By the time my Mom realized Austin was on the phone with 911, he had already told the dispatcher "My Papaw is puking blood. He can't breathe. He needs help!!" Austin was even able to tell the dispatcher my Mom's address {{he's had our home address & my Mom's home address memorized for close to two years now for this specific reason...along with me, Dave, & my Mom's phone numbers}}!! The paramedics came & rushed my Dad to the hospital. Dave immediately went to go get Austin so he didn't have to stay with my Mom at the hospital. The first two days my Dad was there, we thought he was getting better. They told us he had an infection from his gall bladder surgery that he'd had on the 5th of July. But they assured us that it was a minor infection & easily treatable. But by the 24th, my Dad started getting sicker & sicker. The doctors kept telling us it was normal - He's going to get sicker before he gets better. It's all part of the healing process" they kept telling us.∼

∼But my Dad NEVER got better. By the evening of the 25th, my Dad crashed & went into cardiac arrest. They were able to revive him, but he was in very critical condition. He ended up crashing three more times that one night. By the morning of the 26th, my Dad was in a coma & on life support. The doctors were still hopeful that he would get better. They said especially with him being in a coma, his body was able to rest & give itself a chance to heal. They continued to be hopeful, so my Mom & I tried to stay hopeful as well.∼

∼On the outside, I was trying my absolute hardest to stay calm & stay composed for my Mom & for Austin ∼ But on the inside, my heart was slowly breaking. I felt like someone was slowly ripping my heart out of my chest. I wanted to just hide somewhere by myself & break down.∼

∼But I couldn't because during those two weeks my Dad was on the hospital, I was never alone. The minute I would put Austin on the school bus, Dave & I would go straight to the hospital to be with my Dad & to give my Mom any support she needed. Then I'd come home from the hospital about 3:30pm every single day so that I could get Austin off the school bus. I would stay home the rest of the evening so that I could help Austin with his homework, fix dinner & feed Austin, spend time with Austin, & then bathe him & get him into bed at 8:30pm every night. At the same time, I was trying to be as supportive as I could for Austin as well cuz he was hurting just as much as me & my Mom were. From the minute Austin was born, he was Papaw's little boy. From the day my son was born, him & my Dad were immediately attached at the hip. They were literally best friends. They couldn't go even one day without at least talking to each other on the phone. So this whole thing was breaking Austin's heart as well.∼

∼So when I wasn't at home with Austin in the mornings & in the evenings, I was at the hospital with my Mom & Dad during the day. Then on the weekends, my best friend would take Austin during the day for me so I could still be at the hospital on Saturday and Sundays.∼

∼The doctors remained hopeful that my Dad would get better. They continued to remain hopeful up until the 30th of July. That morning, my Mom called me and said the doctors wanted to have a meeting with her and I both to discuss my Dad's treatment plan, progress, future treatment, etc. The meeting was at 10:00am on July 31st.∼

∼At the meeting, my Mom and I learned that the doctors had gradually lost hope in my Dad pulling through. Because of the infection he had contracted from his gall bladder surgery at the beginning of July, his entire body was slowly being eaten away from the inside and all of his organs were shutting down. It had run through his entire body and was shutting every organ down one by one slowly but surely. No matter how fast or how fiercely the doctors attacked the infection, it just kept going and going. That day at the meeting, we learned that practically every organ in my Dad's body had shut down completely. His liver was shot. His kidneys shut down so he was in kidney failure - They had immediately started him on dialysis, but they weren't sure if it would do any good or not. And because his liver and his kidneys had shut down, his lungs were starting to fill with fluid. The doctors told us it would be a miracle if my Dad survived. At the meeting, they told us that my Dad only had a 10% chance of pulling through this - but if he did pull through, he would have to go into assisted living for an undetermined amount of time. If he survived all of this, he would be either on life support or he would have to have a trach surgically inserted into his throat with a ventilator attached because he wouldn't be able to breathe on his own. But this was only ∗IF∗ he survived.∼

∼My Dad stayed on life support in a coma from the 26th of July until the day he passed away on the 4th of August. He never got better. When he went into the hospital on the 21st of July, the ONLY healthy organ in his body was his heart. The doctors had even told us they were amazed at how healthy his heart was. But by the 2nd of August, he started going into heart failure. His heart went from functioning at 98% down to 10%. Literally the only thing keeping my Dad going was the life support.∼

∼The day before my Dad died, he ended up having a stroke and four seizures one right after another. The entire nine days my Dad was on life support in a coma, the doctors did brain scans three times a day everyday to check his brain activity. My Dad had prefect brain activity from the 26th of July until the afternoon of the 3rd of August. After he had the stroke and the four seizures one after another, they did a brain scan. He went from having prefect brain activity that morning, to being 75% brain dead by that afternoon.∼

∼On Friday, August 4th, 2017 - the doctors asked to talk with me and my Mom. They were recommending we remove him from life support because there was nothing else that could be done for him. If we kept him on life support, that's how he would stay for the rest of his life - in a coma on life support living as a vegetable. They recommended removing life support ∗BUT∗ they told us it wasn't anyone's decision except me and Mom's - They were only telling us their recommendation - But the final decision was ours and ours ∗ONLY∗.∼

∼ My Mom tried - she really really did. She was so strong during all of this - this entire hospital stay, she was stronger than I could've ever imagined. But when it came time for us to decide whether to remove my Dad from life support or not, my Mom completely broke down. I have only seen my Mom cry twice in my life - once when Austin was born & again when Nathan was born {{she was in the O.R. with me during both of the boys' births}}. That day, my heart was breaking because I was going to lose my Dad - But it broke even more seeing/hearing my Mom break down & sob. I never want to experience the pain in my Mom's voice and eyes ever again like I did that day.∼

∼In the end, my Mom was unable to make the final decision. She literally could not do it. She asked me to make the final decision. She said because I was a Daddy's Girl from day #01 and knew my Dad better than ∗ANYONE∗, I should make the decision since she couldn't. Then she said ∗IF∗ I could make the decision I should - If I couldn't, she would ask Dave {{my husband}}.∼

∼That day, I ended up making the hardest decision of my life. At noon on Friday, August 4th, 2017, I made the heartbreaking decision to remove my Dad from life support. I never thought I would ∗EVER∗ have to make that type of decision, at least not this soon!! The minute I told the doctors my decision and signed the paperwork authorizing them to remove his life support - my knees gave out, my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, and it felt like I couldn't breathe. Looking back now, I know I was having a panic attack...But that day, I thought I was dying right along with my Dad.∼

[kellexplainsitall]

Oh man, remember that time I disappeared for like a week before the Boston Marathon, which I barely finished? Let’s rewind. Y’all know I love some chronological order.

On Thursday, around 2:30, our office decided we were going to be closed on Friday. YAY! We had originally had a half day, so Tim decided to take the whole day off, and we decided to hit the road to WB on Thursday night. I was slightly overwhelmed, as I had nothing packed, so I just packed everything.

We arrived at my parents, who weren’t home, around 9, and I went to bed pretty much immediately.

On Friday, I went for an easy run around WB, then we dropped the dog off at Tim’s mom’s, then we got on the road. We hit a ton of traffic, and didn’t get to Ronnie’s until late afternoon. The gang was out eating a late lunch (at 4 p.m.) so Tim and I had our own happy hour and dinner. They finally arrived home around 7, and we spent the next 2 (for me) hours hanging out.

I went to bed around 9, and slept pretty well until the rising sun woke up around 6. I dilly dallied for a bit, and my mom and I went for an easy, enjoyable run near the water. Once back, we showered and ate breakfast, and then my parents, Tim, my sister and I headed into the city. We checked into our hotel (the room was my birthday! I thought that was a good sign! It wasn’t!) and Ubered to the expo.

This was my third Boston, and I have never seen the expo like this. We had to wait at least a half hour to even get inside, and once inside, there was even more waiting. It was insane. We finally got inside, picked up a few things, including my bib, official shirt (the woman who gave me mine was from Harrisburg! I thought that was a good sign! It wasn’t!) and jacket, as well as a couple of extras, and got the hell out of there.

We were all famished, so we stopped at a sports bar for some apps, and then my mom and I swung by the Nike store and RW store, where I got to meet Bart Yasso- very cool.

The five of us went back to the hotel and relaxed, and then headed to dinner. We had reservations at a Mexican place, which was very good. Post-dinner, we said goodbye, and Tim and I had one drink at the bar and then he watched a movie while I went to bed.

Sunday, we slept in, and then I went for an easy run and Tim and I walked and got breakfast. We also stopped by the Harpoon Brewery, and then relaxed at the hotel a bit before grabbing pizza at our now usual pre-marathon place. We were done eating before 7, so Tim got some oysters, and at that point, I was cranky about how much we had been walking and how tired I was, so we went back to the hotel and I went right to bed.

I think that is the best I have ever slept the night before a marathon. I was out cold. In the morning, I wrote my mantra on my wrist. “I carry your heart.” When things got tough out there, I wanted to think of all the people who were with me along this journey. It’s from the e.e. cummings poem.

I awoke with my alarm, got ready, picked up the shuttle at the hotel and got to the buses, where I met Rory and Amanda. We dropped off our gear, and got on a bus immediately. However, our bus elected to take a scenic route and we got kinda lost, so that was mildly stressful.Once in the village, we just laid around in a tent and peed a lot. It felt long and short, I don’t know how else to explain it. Once we were called to start lining up, Amanda and I went, and then we waited in another porta potty line, and I am so grateful she stayed with me to the last second.

It was hot. Really, really hot. But it was hot last year and I crushed it! HA.

I watched my pace for the first 5K, and backed off as much as I could. It’s a very crowded start, and downhill, so its hard to slow down. By the time I hit the 5K timing mat, I was drenched in sweat. Like running at noon on the 4th of July drenched.

I slowed down. I hit the 10K – still taking water at every aid station- and was really struggling. I slowed down again.

At mile 7, I walked. I texted Tim that I was ok, but I was really struggling with the heat. I ran/walked for a bit. I hit the 10-miler in 1:20 and change. I realized I was no longer sweating, and had goosebumps, which terrified me. I then crossed the half in 1:50 and change.

I told myself just go sub-4.

EL OH EL.

The heat was getting worse and I was feeling terrible. I was nauseous, dizzy and confused. I tried to run as much as I could- but my goal was to just keep moving forward. Tim was at mile 23, and I was so grateful. I knew I was close to the finish, but I teared up. I was so tired, so beat up and felt so terrible. I wanted to throw up and lay down. But it was Boston. I was finishing it. The thought of quitting never occurred to me.

My parents were at mile 25, I missed them (of course), but my mom later told me people were going down left and right. I saw a lot of people go down myself. I just kept reminding myself to keep moving forward. Walk. Jog. Run. I finally crossed in 4:14. My second-slowest marathon, second to that time I had no iron in my body. I felt so awful. I wanted my medal, so I kept walking.

And then I sat down. A kind volunteer told me I needed to get up. And I said I didn’t think I could. I felt like I was going to pass out. I got wheeled to the med tent, where I had to wait for a cot, and then I violently puked my guts out.

GOOD TIMES.

I told the doctor that I was just trying to get my money’s worth. I am a riot.

I told them I could be discharged  - there were people waiting that were in worse condition than me. fortunately, since I was in the med tent, they let Tim and my family in. I had to get my gear bag, but I just didn’t think I could do it. I felt so weak. So they wheeled me to gear check. Hey, thanks!

I got my bag, and Tim and I were fortunate to get a cab immediately. We went to the hotel, I screamed and showered, and then just laid in bed for an hour. I just wanted a break.

After that, we went to meet everyone for dinner, then we had drinks with friends of mine, then I passed out immediately.

I didn’t feel too bad yesterday. A little sore and sunburnt, but okay. I did the elliptical for a bit in the hotel to get my legs moving, and then we were in the car from 8 to 3:30. The best part of the day was getting Miles! It was so fun to see him.

Once home, it was getting caught up on work, errands and chores. It was so good to be back. And now, back to reality.

I don't know what's next for me. I may be done with marathons for a while. After two really  bad ones in a row, I don't really know what I am doing.

[worldpackingcanuck]

Thirsty, hot, tired, out of water…desperate.

These are the thoughts that went through my mind as the entire group had run out of water only after 3 hours on an 8-hour hike.

Altitude sickness, 30 degrees sun, then the cold at 3700 meters above sea level (m.a.s.).

These are the facts we had to deal with as we went through our ordeal looking for water.

How could this happen? To everyone on top of that? Were we so unprepared?

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We got picked up at an astonishingly early 5:40 AM, the bus was supposed to pass at 6:00 AM…it passed at 6:30 AM.

We were heading to the Páramo de Siscunsí in Boyacá, where flora unique to this part of the world can be found.

“We will walk uphill for 4 hours, then downhill for 4 hours”. “Do not bring more than 1 liter of water, there are clean water sources throughout the hike.”

This is what we were told the day before we left while preparing for the hike.

Starting at 3100 m.a.s. and walking up to 3700 m.a.s. was not going to be an easy task, and certainly not one that I had come to Sogamoso for.

To be honest, I had no clue what I would do in Sogamoso before I arrived. Me coming here was not a result of any suggestion or even on the list of places I had to go. No. It was a lack of preparation.

So how did I end up on this hike???……..peer pressure.

The Hike Started Innocently Enough

The bus left us on the highway and our hike up began.

The start of the trail went up, and up, and up. Not too painful, but painful enough. Not hard, but hard enough to make the muscles in my legs ache. Hard enough to remind me to watch my breathing and save my breath while going up. Hard enough that it reminded me of that hike in Huaraz that took me out for 2 days.

Eventually the trail would disappear, and we would be trekking through unmarked places surrounded by mountains. Mainly going uphill, the trail had become harder for everyone.

Our guide was patient, making sure everyone made it OK to the top of each hill we climbed, and allowing the group to take breaks as much as possible.

But Then The Inevitable Happened…

Two hours into the hike, the altitude started affecting someone in the group.

On the last hill before reaching the Páramo, a girl became dizzy and pale. Nausea and headache were apparently already being felt. So we decided to take a long break to give her time to recover.

She wouldn’t.

So we decided to not climb the last 200 meters, and instead took an “easier” path. An easier path which would become the reason why we would end the day as thirsty and exhausted as we did.

We walked down the mountain through some not so easy terrain, one which our guide although familiar with it, had not been through in many months.

And The Day Kept Getting Hotter And Hotter

We had started the trek at 8:00 AM. It was now 11:00 AM by the time the girl started to feel sick.

With the sun getting higher, the more we walked the hotter it got. And the hotter it got, the more water we drank. And drank. And drank.

By the time we took the decision to not make it to the Páramo, we had already drank about ¾ of our water.

Our guide reassured us that we could finish our water, as “there are water sources not too far from here” he said.

So we continued walking.

The water was dirty at the first water source. Discouraged, we kept walking under the heat of the sun.

The thing about altitude is that temperature changes very quick. When the sky is clear and the sun is out, it burns like a motherfucker. But when clouds hide the sun (or when it’s just cloudy), it gets very cold and windy.

In the span of 10 minutes, I took my long-sleeve off and put it back on at least 3 times.

We kept walking uphill in what seemed like a mountain with no end, and our girl was not feeling any better, but she wasn’t the only one. Others started feeling the exhaustion, walking slowly, dragging our feet (yes, I was also one of them).

Walking breaks were needed more often, and as the sun kept burning, water kept getting drank. It is then that some starting to run out…

“There is a water source up that hill”, the guide said. “That one should be clean”.

Some of us enthusiastically drank whatever we had left in order to get new, refreshing, drinkable water in our bottles.

And we waited…

After 20 minutes of wait, we were happy to see our guide come down the hill. “FINALLY!!!”. At that point, we had walked for close to 5 hours. Having rested with the sun at its highest in a place with no shades made us even more tired and thirsty…needless to say, headaches started to settle in while we sweated like pigs.

“No clean water guys”.

Four words that crushed our hearts, hopes and thirsty throats.

“Oh no! And I drank the rest of my bottle…I’m out of water”, another girl claimed, almost sobbing.

No Choice, We Needed To Keep Going

We kept walking through mud, wet grass, and rocks. Uphill always short on breath, then downhill with hurting knees, then up again. We climbed and went down mountains for the following hour.

And then we saw it…about one kilometer ahead, a house!

“Who the hell lives here???” It didn’t matter, if they live here they MUST have water!!!

We kept walking. Those who had water last time no longer had any.

We were getting hungry. But without any water, the bread and bags of peanuts some brought seemed less than the ideal snack.

We rush to it, so fast that I started feeling a headache caused by the altitude. But it didn’t matter. I was thirsty. So thirsty my tongue could no longer make saliva.

As we get closer to the house we realize….

It’s not a house. No one lives there. It was an old beat down stable. There were horses around, even the cranium of a horse which probably died of thirst, but no one to ask.

The guide went uphill to another water source with one girl from the group while the rest of us waited at the stable.

Some sat down tired and thirsty as clouds settled in and the weather got cold. The rest of us decided to walk around the stable.

As we walked across the cliff where the house sat, we stood in silence as we heard the most amazing sound we had heard all day.

A river.

And not just any river. As we approached it, we notice a hose coming out of the ground, spitting what seemed to be clean water.

Clean Water

As the guide and the girl come back empty handed, we show them the water source. The guide inspects the small river and where the water comes from, and confirms that it is clean.

As a sight of children in a candy store, we all rush to the hose to get our bottles filled. We all very much drank them dry and filled them again. IT. WAS. SO. GOOD.

The Long Way Back

Even though our thirst had been satiated, many of us were tired and with headaches due to the altitude.

From the stable, it would still take a long 1 hour uphill walk and an extra hour of both downhill and uphill to reach a point where a bus could pick us up.

We were cold, tired, hungry, and some had massive headaches. By the time we reached the bus, we were depleted. And someone puked on the way back.

And so ended our misadventure.

But what exactly happened??? Did the guide not know that there was a possibility of water running out on a long 8 hour hike? Were we that slow and tired that we just over-killed our water?

We had been told that there would be clean water sources on the way to the Páramo. But these were all on the part of the mountain which we had decided not to go. All other water sources we found were close to where animals like to roam around, and therefore water was undrinkable at these sources.

Has something similar ever happened to you while hiking? What did you do to keep going?

Out Of Water On An 8 Hour Hike Thirsty, hot, tired, out of water...desperate. These are the thoughts that went through my mind as the entire group had run out of water only after 3 hours on an 8-hour hike.