#at least love-life-wise
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#okay ive been thinking what should i do with my mentality from the new year#but also from now#and im not sure#if i believe all the manifest girlies i should be like okay life is awesome im awesome im the best i have everything i dont chase i attract#etc etc#which require a lot of emotional capacity#but i could try#but on the other hand#all the best things#at least love-life-wise#came to me when i had lost all hope and didn't expect anything at all#when i was like ok everything is vain im gonna die alone etc etc#so now idk what i should do#and what mentality i should have#like#hope and expect or just let it go and expect nothing?#yeah idk#i just dont like my mood rn#too much misery and self-pity and self-loathing#it's toxic for me#and id like to change it#yk#rakomela
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Thank you Doctor, for the information.
SPARE ME YOUR MERCY | 1.02
#spare me your mercy#jaylerr#jj krissanapoom#tor thanapob#spare me your mercy the series#euthanasia the series#smymedit#clairedgifs#smym#userjamiec#usersasa#userrain#userpharawee#userspring#userrzey#tobelle#thaidramaedit#forfive#rinblr#smymep2#ok but here's the thing. relationship wise i have no issues w how they're developing kantew bc kan is as unhinged and shameless novel-wise#HOWEVER.... they're trying to incorporate the plot points in book 2 and that messes the original flow of tew slowly finding evidences#pointing at kan AFTER they're in a relationship fdjflsjfldfkajfa#waves hands in despair#the thing is i like book 2 bc there's a proper conclusion to this story but seeing how they're incorporating both. i wonder if we'll even#able to get to THAT point sighs#but if they're doing what i think they're doing... i think we'll be okay.#kan is probably not gonna drug tew in this version of smym so at least i'll have that#that being said i love how torjj is bringing gunnwasan to life... oh wasan my fave righteous cop
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I just told [Tee] we stuck for life now....all i said was 'we locked in for life'...we gonna be on trips the offseason now, he gonna see me on the regular.
#legitimately wedding vows as others have said!!#the way ja'marr is SO intense about his relationships#saying the most insane shit about his guys!! about the people he loves!!#i'm gonna bring it back to what i was saying earlier this week#where he was already part of an intense close friendship/WR duo#and that connection is still there ofc but justin went to a different team. things naturally faded a little.#he doesn't want that happening with tee!!#and now it won't! now they're locked for life!!#even IF things don't work out bengals wise - being part of the same agency#means they'll be doing offseason stuff together no matter what!#and it's like. ok. whose decision was this really#tee making a 'business decision'#(that inarguably could end up being bad business for him. at least in terms of guaranteed money)#to stay wtih ja'marr for life???#they love each other so much???#how much DID they talk about it???#just clinging together through all the chaos that is negotiating second nfl contract!!!#anyway! married!!! they're actually married!!!#ja'marr chase#tee higgins
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#fuecoco#i gotta say i didn't really care for this thing at first. it was one of my least favorite starters right next to grookey when it was first#revealed. and normally i'm a big fan of fire starters. but this guy didn't do it for me#and this design still doesn't‚ but i do appreciate skeledirge. it's very cool‚ i love the fire hat and the día de los muertos design#it really feels like tpc have been going all out on making pokémon that Fit The Region since gen 8#which is pretty cool. i like it. and i definitely think paldea has some very fun vibes. but i dunno if i'd say it's one of my favorite#regions pokémon-wise or layout-wise. it was their first shot at open world‚ and i think it shows#the older regions with more limitations definitely shone more because they worked better in those limitations#paldea just feels like a big open empty sandbox at times. which is fun to explore‚ but doesn't feel too civilized compared to something#like… unova. where there's a city on every fuckin route corner and they're all so full of life and personality#like i could not remember any of the paldea town themes for the life of me. i can remember their names for the most part#but that's basically just because the facilities that get used a lot are spread out between them. for example: i remember medali#specifically because it's where i go to change a pokémon's tera type. i remember mesagoza because it's the main hub city#i remember levincia because of the posters. i remember montenevera because i think the hyper training guy is there#but not because like. i remember driftveil because YAAAAAAAAAAAAA#y'know. even galar had a better region design than paldea#that's not to say i think paldea is BAD. like i'm not a scarlet/violet hater like every other pokémon “fan” on the internet#i've put like 200+ hours into that fuckin game. i still LIKE it. but my heart still holds a soft spot for kalos and the like
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"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
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I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
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1. want to draw good
2. try to draw good
3. draw bad
4. remember need to stay true to yourself to draw good
5. try draw again
6. still draw bad
7. eating cement at 12am
#im losing my mind and patience#this is the longest plateau ive been in skills wise#like id love to study and improve but even when i do it looks bad and i just kinda immediately give up#i just need motivation ig bcs im over internet points and the joy of making something isn't enough anymore#guys i swear ill go to therapy at least once in my life
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a rook-esque red robin inspired tim for @yj-98 | happy birthday rookie 💚
#dc#tim drake#dcart#dcmultiverse#dcblog#detective comics#dc fanart#kyeart#dc comics#tusergaya#YAYAYA HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOML!!!!!#i hope you have a really great day as u deserve it :3 i love you SOOOO much!!!!#i am forever blessed to have you in my life and as such a close friend#<- im worrying tags will break so i will dm u a birthday essay but truly...... so happy we have shared so many interests and remained close#throughout our fixations<3 kithies u and slides u cheesecake#i debated making the mask bigger or smth. i knew i wanted it to at least stand out colour wise <3
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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the henry percy arc in tobg (2008)… what was that 😭
#he was giving face.#and i mean that literally. bcus they did not give him lines 😭 like not even in any deleted scenes …#so 1 assumes just not in the script. periodt.#making him a glorified/ featured extra like hviii was producer himself …#im not particularly drawn to him as a figure i don’t think he was the lost love of anne’s life or anything#but i do wish he was included a bit more …#one of the many things I think would’ve made the Tudors better#would be making Thomas Wyatt and Henry Percy separate characters not an amalgam#I think it would’ve added more texture#whatever . At least he was hot.#actually he would’ve made a good hviii. height wise#and that ‘beard like gold’ … who knows if he can act#he kind of just kept making 👁️ 👄 👁️.#that face .#I don’t mean to be RUDE but like yeah he was giving . model acting#which I think might’ve been the point …
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One thing I'll forever be mad at ATLA for is Jet and Hama not getting closure.
#imperfect victims i love you!!!!! kissing you on the forehead!!!!!!#atla#jet (atla)#hama (atla)#unfair how all the fire nation children got closure and happy endings#(except for azula but she's a tragic character cautionary tale ans foil to zuko and narrative-wise she didn't need ot be redeemed)#but we didn't get a character like jet or hama who were victims of the fire nation and turned to extreme measures who redeemed themselves#au where jet didn't fucking die and instead went on a life changing field trip with zuko and that fixed him#or at least got some closure and a chance to do better
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Day 1 of spending no money was a success but idk how much of that can be contributed to me since my grandma paid for my lunch and my dad paid for my dinner 😝
STILL THO I think before I got to bed tn I’m gonna dec out my new bag so I can finally start using it, and I think I’ll put my wallet minus credit cards in there.
I know this won’t be the biggest help since most of my big frivolous purchases happen online but still, i think it’ll be good to at least remind me that I can’t be as careless about it as i used to be.
ALSO I finally got my bathroom all cleaned up and organized 🙏 I knows it’s just one small part of my room but I’m so relieved to have SOMETHING done. I’m still proud of how clean the living room/kitchen is but those are spaces I’m gonna have to continuously clean so I can’t be happy w it for tooo long (esp since I’ll be moving my bedroom shit in there to help w organizing)
REGARDLESS THO I think tmrw im gonna try to focus big time on cleaning my bedroom and closet, calling my dad to see if he can come install some stuff for me, and tidying up in the living room and kitchen before my Roomate comes back
Ghhrrr I’m so ready for everything to be in order, and I *know* that might not be possible to get done, but I’m REALLY hoping I can make a noticeable improvement, once I get the harder parts done it’ll at least be easier for me to finish up the next day 🤙
#also I need to wrap up my shit on TikTok#I’ve saved a bunch of videos but there’s still some collections I wanna look thru before it’s too late#and then I need to organize them SOMEHOW#idk what app would be best storage wise but I deeeff need to do a big photo album purge soon#it’s taking up like at least 40gb of my storage rn and that’s HEINOUS#I also STILL need to finish my widget layout god#that can wait until my real life is clean and organized tho#once that’s done THEN I can go in and organize and clean out my phone#anyways#I think I should do pizza or pork carnitas for dinner tmrw?#OR I split up the dough and make a mini pizza for lunch and carnitas for dinner…#I’ve been toying with the idea of making sliders for my work lunches but idk where to find buns for that#I will need to do a grocery run for my full sized buns anyways tho so hmmm#also this is why I love tumblr as a diary app#I feel like I never talk as much as I do on tumblr#this is how I was always reaching the post limit on here during middle school#I’ve just never felt so free when making a post and then just sending it into the world like I do on tumblr#this must be what it’s like for influencers ugh#god speaking of once I’m done with 1. irl cleaning 2. online cleaning 3. I NEEED to get back to art#like drawing and using my iPad yes but also looking into art jobs or at least ways I can get involved in the art world#I might want to look into new jobs anyways but I think I need to find a way to incorporate art into my life again#I feel like it’s taken such a backseat in my life and I rlly hate when that happens#I think I’ve started pushing it aside when I have relationships to take care of now that I’m out of hs but I think I need to find a way to#balance both#work life art balance like I think this is so doable#maybe I do need a planner or graph or something to get all my priorities straight hmm#OHHHH MY VISION BOARD FUCK#I need to make my vision board#I’ll work on my bag and then I’ll get started on my vision board layout ugh#jan 25
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rewatching 13s era for me is not so much diminishing returns as it is something opposite and eviler...............increasing losses? increasing losses
#every time i rewatch an episode the points where it couldve been better poke me in the eye#maybe probably the exact same thing would happen with any other thing i would get this obsessed about#you stare at something long enough its flaws will become ever more apparent#you love something enough everything it could have been but IS NOT becomes ever more painful#i watched 13x5 tonight.........honestly what the fuck goes on#no these were my responses now 3 years and probably a dozen rewatches in:#1) what the fuck goes on#2) philosophically stilll utterly unintelligible to me i might be stupid#swarm and azures whole thing. like. everything they say about their Schemes is completely......incoherent. i dont understand it.am i stupid#3) feels like most agents in these plots are just doing busywork. but might be my inability to understand plot again#but like diane?? who is she what is she why is she#4) 13s message to yaz 'flux destroys universe so refugees coming take over earth your task' is.....like.....profoundly......wtf#and seemingly easily fixable: flux destroys universe refugees come to earth find a way to welcome them#get unit involved THAT way. right?#unit as the liaison between humanity and alienity. rebrand#but maybe that doesnt work with the snakeman plot idfk im stupid with plot#5) scenes between 13 and tecteun couldve been so much more. mastervoice: i have Notes. first and least: tecteun shouldve called her Child#damn now i want to do 13 era rewrite again#i really should do that one day i think it would be good for my skills#turn it into a good oldfashioned 13 ep series. still one story tho. but to deepen everything out a bit more#actually getting into all the stuff thats only sort of Touched upon#making swarm and azure not only make sense but also emotionally important and if possible even lore-wise interesting#more abt the division past. doesnt need to be shown in detail if the absence is the point. that doesnt mean there cant be more absence#swarm&azure lore + division lore + vinder&bel lore in separate pieces starting to show a horrible puzzle when put together#yaz and dan in 1900s for 3 full eps or so. time to breathe. more yaz&13 stuff. a lot more 13&yaz stuff#i think that might actually be the heart of it. maybe it should be the heart of it#leaning into that 13-tecteun parallel. the frustration and resentment. build up to the 'so why are you SO interested in him!' stuff#more of their life in the tardis just the two of them without buffer#i kinda want to play with like a lot more body language between them which the camera doesnt allow as we have it#like zoom the fuck out pls
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My gf was listening to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons and I once again told her that song is SO much better if it's gay.
She doesn't listen to the lyrics of songs but she's extremely good at literary analysis and this time she actually looked up the lyrics and has now come to the following conclusion: "It makes no sense if it's not gay."
My (objectively best) reading is this:
The narrator was in love with a guy who strung him along, never willing to be in a committed (or public) relationship with him and maybe insisting that it's extremely heterosexual "helping a bro out" sex, except in more intimate moments. Finally out of nowhere guy is suddenly committed to a woman and when Narrator confronted him, guy spat out homophobic vitriol and claimed he's not gay like the Narrator.
(For extra flavor imagine them as closeted, straight passing Midwestern flannel wearing, love-bonfires-and-camping guys who sat next to each other at church and elbowed and annoyed each other like best friends do and were each other's go-to source of emotional support! And then to suddenly shut Narrator out for the first time ever, by abruptly marrying a woman and insisting that he's always been straight and their relationship meant nothing...)
Here are the lyrics:
Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body? And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king And say, "I'm clean! I'm clean!" ? But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think When you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life Oh, lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life
Why call multiple people "you" in a totally unclear way? Why would you claim that your female ex's new man can't love her AT ALL (not just as much as you did, AT ALL)? And invoking the judgment of God is so fucking tedious if you're just shaming your female ex for moving on or even cheating/getting with your friend. Also you look like a creepy asshole if you think a girl broke up with you for "loving her too much".
This song is tepid, badly written, and makes the narrator look like an asshole if it's NOT gay.
The gay reading is the ONLY compelling one.
#i don't even care about m/m romances lmao i get bored when there's no women BUT#this is objectively the best reading#anyways my gf and I came up with the main beats for an entire romance story about these guys#as a dyke raised in the church i really like the religious midwestern reading here too#also there's SUCH a phenomenon of guys having secret sex out in these rural areas and insisting even to themselves it's not gay#so this reading is very compelling to me#i also like to think the woman is like fine. there's nothing wrong with her she's sweet and friends with both of them.#gf said what if she's Narrator's sister?#like i think it's better narrative wise if the woman has no idea and isn't trying to 'turn him straight'#bc the ex CHOSE this. he caved and all so he can stand before God and insist he's 'clean'#which to me... very very resonant#updates on my boring life#also I think the ex can be either bi or gay like it doesn't matter because either way Narrator is convinced ex loves HIM still n not wifey#god i could go line by line but no one wants that lmao it's extremely funny that i fixated on this#i did not even know it was a mumford and sons song or that they are british until gf told me both facts today#i am in no way a fan#im jsut a sucker for religion flavored gay angst i guess or at least this variety of it
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they Need to Kiss.
#yes lovie#( i love your name btw it's very cute#one of my best friends is named lovie )#(you are my best friend now)#anyways#yes lovie derek WOULD fit inside sauce best ty king for seeing my light#i will never forget sauce posting a selfie that he thought was cool and captioning it 'I'm the best in the draft.'#before getting drafted under another cb derek stingley#derek being surrounded by parental role models involved in football#having the training and skill to be known as a number 1 COLLEGE draft prospect AS WELL AS A NFL DRAFT prospect#thanks to his football loving family (coaching father wise retired football player grandfather)#vs sauce being raised all by his mother alone who had to work overnights at an automotive seating manufacturing factory#being the youngest of three of his siblings and never leaving his eldest brother's side bcs he was lonely and unsure and afraid#allante (the eldest) trying to draw sauce spreadsheets to help sauce understand the recruiting processes (and why he wasnt as high#as he wanted to be)#sauce fighting as an underdog his whole life in detroit then going to an underdog school that at least had the name 'King'#so he can feel like royalty as a wr/cb#promising his mom he'll be a college graduate no matter what so he'll always have something to fall back on so she wont worry#sauce's secret not so secret envy of derek and all his resources#his secret not so secret stuck up nose bcs he thinks hes had to climb higher hills than derek and therefore deserves the better recognition#then hiding behind 'im just working for my family' when ppl notice theres a lot more ego involved in his envious little nose scrunches#derek just smiling and being lively bcs hes just thrilled to be in his familys dream that a lot of ppl dont have the chance to obtain#even his dad played in the arena football league but not the nfl#im telling yall ppl with a chip on their shoulder... watch out 😭#it's like a beautiful giant marble statue with a bruise#i need to see them interact. i must.#sauce: you took Every. Thing. From. Me.#derek: ... OOH-- did I accidentally take a swing from your gatorade dude? aw#im so sorry man :( !! sometimes i just see shiny things and KABLAMMO! im on it like a silk bonnet! sorry bro u can have mine tho 🐶!#i didnt open it yet so it should be cool clean! AND refreshing 😁👍🏽!
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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