#at least it says 14th now when i bought it it said 15th

[theangelssing]

Special Valentine’s Day with the Winchesters

you’re Sam’s twin and so, Dean’s sibling. gender neutral!reader

warnings: light swearing.

a/n: based on the first season; 787 words; happy Valentine’s day you guys <3

prompt: after a hunt you’ve the opportunity to rest at the city’s motel but while Sam and you were asleep, Dean was preparing some gifts.

a sweet and fluffy Valentine’s Day because you can platonically share presents with your siblings too

It was the 15th of February, really early in the morning or really late in the night, not the 14th but not fully the 15th. You had a hard day with your brothers – and a hard half-night too – because of some crappy ghosts. You’ve barely reached your bed to crash on it when you saw Dean suddenly really interested by his bag. Not that he couldn’t, but you never saw him as interested as that time. Because you were too tired to say anything, you just tried to doze off for a moment.

 You were awakened by the sound of someone moving around you. You opened your eyes only to see Dean with something in his hands. After rubbing your eyes, you searched for Sam, and saw him asleep in the bed near yours. Seeking the attention of your oldest brother, you moved your body on the sheets as if you wanted to sit on it. Dean turned immediately to face you, a surprised look on his face.

 “Did I wake you up?” he asked, looking really concerned.

“Mmh…” was your only answer as you were staring at the something in his hands. Now that you could see what it was, you discerned a small package, black with some blue doodles on it. You were too curious not to ask what it was for, but Dean hid it as soon as he understood what you were staring at.

“It’s nothing. Try to sleep, Sib,” he tried to answer but you weren’t satisfied by that, you wished to know more, to know what your brother was up to, but you also understood that he wouldn’t give you an answer, or at least not yet, so you decided to let it go.

 You went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and to put on your pajamas and by the time you’d returned in the room, Sam was awake too, talking with Dean. You frowned at your two brothers and the oldest one stood up.

“C’mon Sib, sit next to Sammy, I’ve something for both of you,” he said with a small smile. You were curious but also afraid what might be the something, but you still sat with your twin on his bed. Looking at him, he was as lost and clueless as you, also woke up by Dean in the middle of his sleep. “Better be worth it, Dean,” he told him.

 Dean faced the two of you with two small packages, the one you saw earlier and one reddish or orangish with small green letters. You thought it came from an old Christmas present but didn’t say it out loud.

“Look, I know we aren’t the 14th anymore and I’m sorry for that, but I know Sib wanted to try all the Valentine’s Day’s shit. Nothing really huge dudes, but it’s for ya,” Dean said while giving you the gifts.

“Wait you bought us Valentine presents?” Sam asked, a small smile on his lips. Dean rolled his eyes and handed him the package.

“Just take it,” he said and Sam and you did so. The reddish one was for you and the black one was for Sam.

 You opened it at the same time your twin opened his and both of you discovered a small book, an old one from when you were really young. You remembered having read it with Sam, your first buddy read together for sure, while the three of you were staying at an old and dirty motel. You were afraid of a storm and the old motel’s owner gave the small book to Sam and you. You remembered it as the first fantasy book you’ve ever read and it have kept you entertained for almost two hours straight. By that time the storm had stopped.

 “How…” you wanted to ask more but you were too stunned to speak, not believing what was just happening.

“I found them a week ago, before we headed here, to be honest. I saw them and thought it would be a great idea. Couldn’t wait ‘til Christmas ‘cause I didn’t want to lost them,” Dean replied because he knew what you wanted to ask him. “No thank you or cheesy sentences, though, just return in your beds now. Take it as an end-of-hunt gift,” he added, knowing both of you damn too well, but you couldn’t help and only mumbled a ‘thanks’, just as Sam.

“Damn shining twins, go to bed already, it’s late for babies like ya,” Dean knew you too well not to see your lips moving and as he was heading to his own bed, you shared a last look with Sam, each one with your copy of the book in your hands.

[minthara]

excuse me i just got out of bed for this

[scotianostra]

On October 15th 1586 the trial began of Mary Queen of Scots at Fotheringhay Castle.

Settle down, this is a wee bit longer than my normal posts,  some state it started on 14th, but it concluded on the 15th, so here we are.

You might remember my post a month ago when Mary arrived at her last "prison", the place where she would ultimately spend her last days and meet her end.

If the history books are to be believed. Mary Stuart first sighted the ancient castle towers from a path called since the "days of the Domesday Book", Perryho Lane, on hearing the name Perryho,  she is said to have made a melancholy little play on the name exclaiming aloud, ‘Perio! I perish.’ and indeed she did.

Mary was always a threat to the English Queen Elizabeth’s rule. Seen by Catholics as the true catholic ruler of England, there was many a plot to bump off Elizabeth and put Mary on the throne.

For almost 20 years Mary was dragged around England and locked up in its various castles. Having said that she was allowed certain freedoms including rides in the countryside and hunting trips, Fotheringhay was different.

Despite the size of the castle  Mary found herself incarcerated in comparatively mean apartments: this brought back all her phobia of a secret killing, the sort of barbarous death that stained the history of English medieval castles. The most notorious being one Edward II son of Longshanks, "Hammer of the Scots" who some say was murdered at Berkeley Castle, Gloucestershire by being held down and having a red-hot poker inserted inside his anus, and his screams could be heard miles away. although most historians do question whether it is true or not, the fact is he was murdered.

When Mary's servants reported that many of the state rooms had been left empty, Mary drew the correct conclusion that she was about to be tried, and the rooms were awaiting the arrival of dignitaries from London. Just after two weeks later on, October 1st she was informed by her keeper, Sir Amias Paulet that her misdeeds were now to be punished by the interrogation of certain lords, and advised her in her own interests to beg pardon and confess her faults.

Mary's reply was that Paulet  was behaving like a grownup with a small child, asking her to own up to what she had done. Then she went on more seriously: ‘As a sinner, I am truly conscious of having often offended my Creator, and I beg Him to forgive me, but as Queen and Sovereign, I am aware of no fault or offence for which I have to render account to anyone here below. …’ And she concluded loftily: ‘As therefore I could not offend, I do not wish for pardon; I do not seek, nor would I accept it from anyone living.’ For those who know anything about the Stewart monarchs this relates again to the Divine Right to rule, and they would only answer to God.

The charges against Mary were to do with a conspiracy to kill Elizabeth and replace her with Mary, her fellow conspirators included among others, John Ballard, a Jesuit priest, Weshman Thomas Morgan, a close confident of Mary's, and Anthony Babington, a Catholic noble who is said was the ring leader, the plot has gone down in history bearing his name The Babington Plot.

Whilst locked away, Mary advised the plotters, both in terms of strategy and how to ensure she’d win the English throne. And naturally as the ‘rightful’ ruler of England Mary would be the one to sign off on the plot starting. he plot took shape during the summer in 1586.

Babington informed Mary that he represented a group who planned to kill Elizabeth and install Mary as the new Queen of England. Babington asked for her support of their plan. Mary responded, asking for more details.

Unfortunately for Mary, the plot had been infiltrated and Elizabeth I’s own spy master, Sir Francis Walsingham had been using the letters to entrap Mary and get her to call for Elizabeth’s murder. 

Mary agreed with the plans, but did not authorized the assassination. That did not matter however, because Walsingham's spies intercepted the letter. The letter was deciphered and copied but this time a postscript was added. According to the new letter, Mary authorized the assassination. Walsingham had his proof, and so with this false evidence Mary was indicted.

Before the trial even started Ballard, the Catholic priest, was arrested and tortured. It is said that by the time he arrived at his execution site, John Ballards limbs were barely in their sockets, as a result of the torture he’d undergone, of course during his torture he gave up the names of others involved, the main man being Babington, in September the men were executed one after the other and forced to watch as they, in turn were hung drawn and quartered, the same age old punishment for treason. 

After the gruesome bloodbath attention turned to Mary.

Now I'm not saying Elizabeth was faultless in all this but she wasn't keen on trying her Mary, not just because they were cousins, it would set a precedent trying and ultimately executing someone still seen as most of Europe as the rightful Queen of Scotland. Her hand was being forced by her advisors like Walsingham, indeed they had their eye on disposing of the troublesome Mary for some time forcing through an act of Parliament the year before called The Act of Association: this provided means whereby a commission of twenty-four peers and privy councillors might be appointed to investigate any conspiracy or attempt to hurt Elizabeth ‘by any person or with the privity of any person that shall or may pretend to the title to the Crown of this realm’. 

The punishments for anyone found guilty under this act were to be two-fold: firstly they were to be deprived of their title to the English crown forever, and secondly they could be lawfully put to death under the provisions of the Act. It had been quite clear at the time that this Act had been especially framed in order get rid of our Queen, it was tailor made for her. 

The records of Mary's trial were compiled by the notes of those present, who included two persons designated as writers. It would have been nearly impossible to write by hand every word uttered in the courtroom. Some say Mary spoke very broken English due to her time spent in France., I myself find this hard to believe, yes she had been educated in France, but the Four Mary's would have made sure the young Queen could speak the Scot's tongue, at very least.

Mary's defence was set out mainly that, she wasn’t an English subject and therefore couldn’t be held as an English traitor. She’d been denied legal counsel or the right to view evidence being bought against her. Oh and the age old she was a Queen. Anointed by God. It would literally be a sin to kill her.

Therefore, how accurately were the writers able to record her statements? Whose spoken words were left undocumented? Which statements in particular? Did the two journalists favour Mary or Elizabeth, and if so, did they allow this to influence their notes of the trial? A completely accurate record of the trial is unattainable due to the faultiness of its records, some historians just filled in the blanks to suit themselves, depending on their own leanings.

When the trial concluded, Parliament gave speeches and had open discussion about Mary's sentencing. They also held audiences with Elizabeth. During the audiences held between Parliament and Elizabeth, Elizabeth gave two speeches. In her first speech, she declared that if it were not for "the safe and welfare of my whole people, I would (I protest unfeignedly) most willingly pardon her."   Elizabeth asserted that Mary was bound to the English laws but reaffirmed that the late act "was no ways prejudice to her." Rather, Elizabeth explained that the law was in place to warn her, but since Mary still acted against the Queen and the law "was in force," there was no reason not to "proceed against her according to the same.' But, if the laws almost explicitly name Mary, then why did Elizabeth feel the need to restate that they were not prejudiced against her? Now I know I deflected some of the blame away from Elizabeth earlier but It seems that this was just another way for Elizabeth to maintain her image of innocence. 

Furthermore, Elizabeth explained that because of "this last Act of Parliament" she must "order for her [Mary's] death" The Councillors' plan to somehow remove Mary as a threat had worked. Elizabeth felt her hands were tied in the matter due to the Acts of Parliament, which the Councillors had drafted with specific language aimed toward Mary. 

Eventually, Mary's sentence was issued and proclaimed in the English countryside and towns. Immediately following the proclamation, Walsingham drafted the warrant for Mary's execution. The speed at which these documents were drafted  show that Elizabeth's Councillors were adamant about having Mary executed.

In late December of 1586, Elizabeth had the papers for the execution drawn up. On February 1st, 1587, she signed Mary's death warrant. 

I wont go into the execution as I normally post all the details on the anniversary of her death, February 8th 1587, I will however add a few more lines regarding King James VI and letters between Elizabeth and him.

Around the same time Elizabeth signed the warrant, she sent a letter to James, who had earlier requested that his mother be sent into the neutral custody of a foreign prince. 

In her response, Elizabeth asked if James thought her "so mad to trust my own life in another's hand and send it out of my own?

She also refers to the "absurdity of such an offer. In this letter, Elizabeth placed the focus on James's offer rather than on the circumstances surrounding Mary at the present time, basically awaiting her fate. She did not say she was unwilling to give Mary to a neutral prince because she was either considering signing the execution warrant or had already done so. 

Elizabeth withheld from James any more of a response than was necessary. It seemed that she intentional1y focused this letter's content on James's request to divert attention from her intention to sign Mary's death warrant. 

After Mary's execution, Elizabeth wrote another letter to James. Elizabeth referred to Mary's execution as a "miserable accident which (far contrary to my meaning) hath befallen"  

Elizabeth claimed innocence in calling for Mary's execution, but what she wrote next left a sense of doubt as to her innocence in the matter. She told James that she had "now sent this kinsman of mine ... to instruct you truly of that which is too irksome for my pen to tell you.'d While one may infer that Elizabeth sent a kinsman to explain the actual happenings of Mary's execution you  have to wonder if that was truly the case. Could Elizabeth have sent this "kinsman" to explain what she would not want left documented on paper? Elizabeth would have known to not leave a self-incriminating paper trail regarding her true role in Mary's execution. Thus, she sent a "kinsman" to explain the actual circumstances relating to Mary's execution. 

The truth behind what this kinsman actually told to James will forever stay a mystery because these words were just spoken in a private audience and not documented in a letter, just like Elizabeth wanted. The final question remains: was it the work of the Councillors that called for the execution of Mary, Queen of Scots, or did Elizabeth I play  more active role than she wished to admit? 

I myself believe the Councillors did not need to have their arms twisted to call for Mary's execution. They perceived Mary as a threat and made it their top priority to remove her Queen Elizabeth's full part in the murky affair will always be up for debate. 

As ever I have used a lot of different sources when compiling this, if you want more on the trial check the article below out, remember though every source is different so not all that is written here will relate entirely to my post, it is however a more in depth analysis of the trial. 

https://erenow.net/biographies/maryqueenofscotsantoniafraser/27.php Pics are a depiction of the trial and part of the Babington letters held by the English National Archives, more on that here https://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/spies/ciphers/mary/ma2.htm

[pixieminutes]

Love | CB

genre: angst, fluff

members: bang chan x reader, kim seungmin, seo changbin, lee felix

warnings: verbal criticism, pregnant!reader, labour

Monday 3rd October, 2016

“mum, dad, this is y/n.”

“hello y/n!” chan’s mum, jessica, smiled, pulling you into a hug, “we’ve heard so much about you!”

“careful, you’re going to overwhelm her,” chan’s dad laughed, “i’m jack. it’s lovely to meet you, y/n.”

“and they are hannah and lucas,” chan said, pointing to his little sister and brother.

“hey!” lucas exclaimed.

“hello,” hannah greeted you.

you smiled, looking up to chan as he winked at you.

“y/n, i hope your hungry, we tend to cook a lot,” jack chuckled.

lucas got up, following his dad into the kitchen, “i mean, we’re not complaining.”

chan chuckled, “sorry if you get overwhelmed. they can be a bit wild.”

you smiled, shaking your head, “no, no. i like it.”

Saturday 30th December, 2017

“mum, dad, this is chan.”

“nice to meet you,” chan smiled, bowing slightly as he shook both their hands.

“yes,” your mum nodded, “y/d/n, can i speak to you for a second? in the kitchen?”

you sighed, watching as they walked into the kitchen together, closing the door behind them, “they could at least try and hide it.”

chan shook his head, running a hand through your hair, “it’s alright. we’ll just do this, and then leave, okay? and we’ll watch disney movies and eat chocolate.”

you chuckled, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s thin waist, “that sounds nice.”

Friday 14th December, 2018

“ah! y/n! there you are!” your friend, mina, laughed, “finally!”

“sorry i was picking out my clothes. living with nine men isn’t great for fashion advice,” you laughed.

she laughed nervously, “you still live with them? y/n. are you still dating chan?”

your breath hitched in your throat at the slight judgement in her voice. it hurt. it stung so, so much.

“yeah,” you nodded, “yeah i am.”

“y/n,” she pouted, “it’s not good for you. and what about the whole marriage and baby thing? you’ve always wanted that.”

“chan wants it too!” you exclaimed, trying not to get angry, playing it off with a laugh, “anyway, speaking of the whole marriage and baby thing. how are you?”

mina smiled, pulling her latest sonogram out of her bag, giving you time to blink away your tears before pretending to care, once again, about someone’s baby. it was stupid anyway, you couldn’t see anything on there, it was just a black and white blob.

“y/n! mina!” your other friend, julie, exclaimed, walking in the restaurant. you could practically see her diamond engagement ring sparkling from here.

god this was gonna be a long night.

Saturday 15th December, 2018

“i’m home!” you exclaimed, taking off your shoes and rubbing your feet slightly, the impromptu walk along the river last night and the walk home had not been considered when you picked out heels for yesterday evening.

“hello!” seungmin exclaimed, “no one else replied so i thought i should!”

“thank you!” you called, laughing as you walked into your’s and chan’s bedroom.

chan was sat there with his headphones on, back to you. you sighed, eyes filling with tears as you slowly shut the door behind you.

“oh, you’re home,” chan smiled, quickly stopping what he was doing and taking his headphones off before turning round to face you, “w-why are you crying?! y/n?”

he quickly stood up, scooping you into his arms and kissing your head as you buried your face in his chest.

“i hate them, chan, i hate them!” you cried, “why is it so bad?! i don’t understand!”

chan’s heart ached, he knew exactly what you were talking about and he understood your pain.

“it’s okay,” chan soothed, rocking you back and forth as he buried his face in the top of your head, “for everyone who doesn’t like us, there’s someone who does okay? and speaking of...”

he let you go, taking your hand and bringing you over to his laptop where he brought up a page of notes from that days meeting.

“australia,” you read.

he nodded, “australia. we’re going to australia. we’re gonna tour, but my family have said that you can stay with them.”

fresh tears poured from your eyes as you wrapped your arms around chan, burying your face in his neck, “thank you.”

“why are you thanking me?” he chuckled, the slight laugh turning into a sigh, “here, come on, stop crying.”

he lifted your head out, wiping your tears away with his thumb, “i love you.”

you smiled, “i love you too.”

“well, that’s good,” he laughed as you hugged him again.

Tuesday 19th February, 2019

“wow that’s a lot of food,” you laughed, watching as jessica and jack brought in bags and bags of food from their shopping trip.

“nine teenage boys is a lot to feed,” jessica shrugged.

“and us! we need feeding as well!” lucas exclaimed.

“yes, yes, but your going to your friend’s tonight,” jessica nodded, “this is for chris’s band.”

“why don’t you just stay here? then you can eat barbecue and spend more time with chan,” you said, unpacking the bags.

“and be seen on camera? no thanks,” hannah said as you laughed, “that’s chris’s job, not mine.”

“and hannah’s going to her friends so i’m going to mine,” lucas said, sat on the floor with berry.

you nodded, “fair enough.”

“do you have any siblings, y/n?” jack asked.

“mmm, but i never see them,” you sighed.

“ha, snap,” lucas said as jessica flicked his head, making you all laugh.

the weigt on your heart hurt, almost snapping. how could everything surrounding chan be the best aspects of your life, and all you could give him was nothing but negativity?

Monday 1st April, 2019

“finally,” you chuckled as chan walked into your shared bedroom, pulling his shirt off and climbing into bed, wriggling around until he was comfortable.

“what?” chan asked, his eyes already closed.

“i thought you were never coming to bed,” you hummed, playing with his blonde hair as his head stayed buried in your chest, “you may as well room with changbin now.”

chan sighed, pulling his head away and looking up at you, “why would i do that when we could just live in our house?”

you laughed, “dream on, bang, i’ve still got debt to pay off.”

chan smiled, tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “i’ve bought us a house, y/n. now go to sleep so you wake up in the morning, think this was a dream and i can surprise you with it.”

“what?” you asked, “christopher bang, do not fall asleep on me.”

chan smiled, “you sound like my mum.”

“i’m serious!” you exclaimed, before realising about the others living in your cramped apartment and lowering your volume, “chan. explain.”

“i’ve bought us a house,” chan said, “so that we can do the marriage and baby thing that all your friends are doing. i love you y/n. now go to sleep.”

your eyes filled with tears as you looked at how sincere your boyfriend looked.

“your serious aren’t you?”

“deadly,” he hummed, before closing his eyes, “sleep.”

you smiled, moving closer to him and pressing a kiss to his bare chest before closing your eyes and slowly drifting away into sleep.

Tuesday 2nd April, 2019

“felix, has chan said anything about a house? or have you managed to see anything about a house?” you asked, having managed to sneak out of your bedroom and into the kitchen without waking up your boyfriend.

“hmm? for us?”

“no, no. for– for us, me and chan,” you explained.

“oh, no,” felix shrugged, “why? did he tell you yesterday?”

“yeah, just before bed,” you said, “do you think—“

“it was an april fools joke? yes, it was april fools.”

“it was april fools?!” you exclaimed, “oh jesus christ, i am so stupid! felix, why am i like this?!”

“good morning angel,” chan smiled, kissing your head and taking your hand, “let’s go.”

“where? chan we’re both in pyjamas,” you said, furrowing your eyebrows.

chan took his car keys from off the side and slid his feet into some shoes, “come on. i’m waiting.”

felix looked at his elder friend in confusion before turning to face you, “you know, i don’t think that was an april fools joke.”

Monday 1st July, 2019

“god these promotions felt so long. i don’t even know why,” chan groaned, circling his head as you rubbed his bare shoulders.

“hmm, maybe it’s cause you know you get to come home to a nice house, and not a cramped dorm with eight other men,” you laughed.

he nodded, “you’re right. and this tour is bitter sweet. i mean i’m so excited but at the same time, it’s so long to be without you.”

“i’ll be alright chan, i swear. it’s not even that long!” you smiled, “just promise to buy me a souvenir.”

“i’ll buy you one in every country i go,” chan said, kissing your hand gently.

you sighed, kissing his shoulder, “i’ll miss you, prince.”

“i’ll miss you more, angel,” he chuckled, turning round and bringing you onto his lap, “we should make the most of this time, though.”

you giggled, “hmm, should we?”

chan smiled as you began kissing him, moaning slightly.

“i love you,” he whispered.

you smiled slightly, leaning your forehead against his, “i love you too.”

Saturday 27th July, 2019

“mum, i have something to tell you,” you said, kicking at the stones under your feet, “it’s why i called you here.”

“well what is it?” she asked, her voice gentle, “are you alright?”

“i’m pregnant.”

your teeth couldn’t help but bite your bottom lip gently, a small smile trying hard not to break out on your face. this was the first person you’d told, and just saying the words out loud made butterflies fly in your stomach.

she was still, silent. she stopped walking and turned to face you, taking your hands

“i- i see,” she stuttered, “y/n you know we’re always happy to have you back home with us—“

“no,” you said, moving away from her, your face dropping to a frown. god, you should have known, “no! no! mum, you’ve got this all wrong! this is a good thing for me and chan and- and i thought you’d be happy too!”

“well, sweetie, chan’s not the best for—“

“no! mum don’t even finish that sentence!” you exclaimed, your mum looking round consciously at the people staring, “he’s the best thing in my life, mum, and i– i don’t know why people can’t see that! i don’t get it! what’s so wrong about him? he’s taken care of me, he’s taken me in, he’s bought me a house? he’s given me his child? he’s the best person i’ve ever known, mum! and i just– i love him so much.”

she sighed, shaking her head, “i’m sorry darling, but i just don’t.”

Sunday 28th July, 2019

“jessica!” you smiled, wiping your laptop camera, “can you see me?”

“ah, i can!” she smiled, “so what is it? i’m alone, by the way, no pesky kids or husband in the room.”

you laughed, “is there a pesky dog?”

she looked around, “oh, yeah, berry! say hi to y/n!”

berry came on camera and you smiled, admiring the beautiful dog.

“ah, no, no, okay, tell me, what is it?” jessica said, placing berry on her lap.

“okay, well...” you stopped, taking a deep breath.

what if this ended like your mum? what if chan reacted like your mum as well? what if you ended up totally alone? just you and this baby. oh god, you couldn’t do this alone!

“hey, hey, you okay?” jessica asked, “you look panicked.”

you looked to jessica’s kind eyes and you paused. how could you ever think she’d be like your mum?

“i’m pregnant,” you said quickly, “but this is top secret! you can’t tell chan!”

jessica’s jaw dropped as she started squealing, “y/n! oh y/n, my girl! my daughter! oh, i couldn’t be happier!”

you laughed, wiping away your tears. so this is what true family felt like.

Sunday 4th August, 2019

“y/n? y/n?!”

“chan!” you exclaimed, running down the stairs and into your boyfriend’s arms.

“god how can i miss you so much in eight days?!” he cried, spinning you round.

“it’s crazy what you do to me,” you laughed.

“you alright?” he asked, “you’re laughing weirdly.”

“chan,” you giggled, tears welling in your eyes as you thought of everything you’ve been through, “i’m pregnant.”

chan’s eyebrows raised as his face broke into a huge smile, scooping you up into a hug, “oh my god! you make me the happiest person alive! y/n, thank you! thank you! god, i love you so much.”

Wednesday October 3rd, 2012

“what’s your name?”

“chris,” the boy said suspiciously, “if you want a korean name though, it’s chan.”

“hi chan,” you smiled, “i’m y/n.”

“how old are you?” he asked, “and... who are you?”

you laughed, “i’m 14 and i’m y/n, like i said. i just, i keep seeing you around so i can’t help but think it’s fate.”

chan looked at you, his head tilted to the side, “that’s a strange reason. but it’s interesting. where have you seen me before?”

Wednesday April 1st, 2020

“ah! chan! chan!”

���huh?”

“chan! the baby’s coming!”

chan furrowed his eyebrows, looking at the date on his computer, april 1st, that wasn’t the due date.

“very funny, y/n,” he said, “happy april fools.”

2012

“just around,” you shrugged, “happy birthday by the way.”

“how did you know it’s my birthday?” chan asked, “wow it really must be fate!”

you laughed, “idiot. you’re wearing a badge.”

chan blushed, “oh.”

2020

“chan! ah!”

“stop playing, y/n,” chan called, rolling his eyes as he went back to his work.

“chan! please!” you shouted, the pain in your abdomin becoming too much to bare as you gripped on tightly to the sheets.

chan sighed, “i get it, happy april fools, y/n, i understand.”

“i’m 100% serious you absolute idiot! now come here before a smash your computer!”

oh, that didn’t sound like you.

“angel? you alright?” chan asked, running upstairs to your shared bedroom where you were sat on the bed, gripping the sheets till they were basically ripped, taking deep breaths to get through the pain.

“do i look alright?!” you exclaimed, before looking at your fiancé with teary eyes, “chan. the baby’s coming.”

2012

“well, what are you doing for your birthday?” you asked.

chan shrugged, “nothing really, i don’t really like birthdays.”

“you don’t like birthdays?!” you exclaimed.

chan shook his head, “is that so wrong?”

“think about how much pain your mum went through to bring you into this world however many years ago today!”

“15.”

“and this is how you repay her?!” you exclaimed, “come on, let’s at least go and get some food. i’ve got about ₩500. tteokbokki?”

2020

“god, chan, this is terrible,” you sighed, “i’m in constant fear.”

chan chuckled, “it’s okay, it’s gonna be over soon.”

“soon,” you scoffed, “bets on this lasting for more than a day.”

“really? you think so?” chan asked.

“chan, this is your child,” you sighed, “it’s probably already inherited a stubborn gene.”

chan rolled his eyes, “i can’t believe you.”

“can we at least eat before getting checked in?”

chan sighed, looking at you in disbelief.

“what?” you asked, “chan, i’m nine months pregnant, i’m hungry.”

“what do you want to eat?”

you hummed before seeing a small shop on the side of the road, “tteokbokki!”

2012

“wah, this is some of the best tteokbokki i’ve ever had!” you exclaimed.

“really?” chan smiled, “oh, your face.”

“huh?”

“you’ve got sauce all over you,” chan laughed, handing you a tissue, “here.”

2020

“ah sh—“

“what?”

“i got sauce on my t-shirt,” you laughed, looking at your stained t-shirt, stretched over your nine-month baby bump.

chan laughed, taking a tissue and wiping it slightly, handing it over to you to do the rest.

2012

“we should go,” chan said, “i’ve got to get to jyp.”

“jyp? why?” you asked.

“i’m a trainee,” he smiled.

your eyes widened, “really?! wow you must be so talented!”

chan blushed, “well– i don’t—“

2020

you held your breath, pain spreading all over your body once again.

“breath, baby,” chan sighed, “want to hold my hand?”

you started taking deep breaths, gripping onto chan’s hand.

“we should go,” he said, “ready?”

you shook your head, “chan, i don’t– i don’t think i can do this.”

chan sighed, “y/n. look how far we’ve come together. i promise you, you can do this.”

2012

“i mean you had to get in to jyp first of all, and your still there now,” you said, “big respect.”

chan smiled, “thanks, but i really don’t think i’m great.”

“stop that!”

“i’m serious!” he laughed, but the laugh wasn’t humorous, “my friends are about to debut and i just... don’t get to debut with them. that must mean something.”

“that means you’re not ready yet,” you shrugged, “that doesn’t mean you’re not good, that just means that there are better people on their way. it’s fate, chan.”

Thursday 2nd April, 2020

“congratulations! it’s a little boy!” the doctor exclaimed, another nurse coming and taking the baby from his arms, going and taking him to be washed.

“y/n, you did it! god, you did it! i’m so proud of you,” chan smiled, kissing your head, “we have our baby!”

your eyes filled with tears as they brought him back over, a little bit of paper attatched to his ankle with the date, his length and his weight.

“would you like to hold him?” the nurse asked, holding the baby out to you.

you nodded, taking the small baby into your arms and holding him close. he immediately wriggled, becoming comfortable with his whole body buried against yours.

your smile was undeniable. this, out of all the moments of your entire life, was by far the happiest. and you had chan by your side as well.

chan kissed your head, “you’ve worked hard, y/n. i love you.”

Sunday 25th March, 2018

“y/n!” chan exclaimed, running off stage and running into your arms.

“you did it! you debuted!” you laughed, holding your boyfriend tightly, “god you’ve debuted, i’m so proud of you.”

chan smiled, the tears in his eyes undeniable.

every moment for the past seven years lead up to this, and you were by his side for so long, he couldn’t have been more thankful.

“you’ve worked hard, chan,” you smiled, kissing his head, “i love you.”

[wichols]

Angst/Fluff Writing Prompt Fun Wrap Up!

Now that I have finally finished all the submitted prompts I thought it would be fun to do a cute little wrap up in case you might have missed any of the stories along the way, along with some background/thoughts/feels about each one! Duration May 13th - July 15th (that was longer than I expected but cool!) 1.  Rain and Confessions (Kyoya X Haruhi WC: 1,662)  Prompt: “And yet, you’re still not enough.”  Summary: After her graduation from law school, Haruhi and Kyoya pack up her apartment in preparation of Haruhi moving back to Japan. Kyoya has been waiting years for this moment and he is going to let Haruhi know exactly how he feels about Haruhi and isn't going to let a little rain ruin his plans for them. AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: This prompt is a canon insecurity for Kyoya and so it was easy for me to write- considering I posted the prompt list on the 13th and uploaded it on the 14th. But also it was so hard to write because they are my OTP!! It pained me to make them suffer like this. To make Kyoya vulnerable is tough. To bring down his walls in front of someone is a struggle. Upon reading back through it I dare say there is a peep of inspiration from Pride and Prejudice (can you spot the hidden Mr. Darcy-like quote?). Favorite Line:  “You say that you will do all these things out of your love for me but it is because of my love for you that I cannot accept your offer because you become less of who you are and more of the person you think I need.”  2. Public Masks for Private Matters (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 1,269) Prompt:  “Being alone would be better than being married to you.” 

Summary: Haruhi has finally reached her breaking point. After winning her career-defining case her world comes crashing down. Blame has been assigned and trust has been broken between Haruhi and Takashi. 

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: The TakaHaru ship is by far one of the hardest ships to use with angsty writing because of the nature of Takashi. The hurt he could inflict on Haruhi isn’t something so obvious like physical/mental/emotional abuse. I think in my mind that it is his lack of response is the most believable response to causing conflict between them- his inability/insecurity to say the right thing at the right time. At least that is what it would come off to others. Takashi is an introvert/observer. If he was experiencing emotional distress he would probably cave in and bottle things up, holding the burden alone.  (Spoliers!!) The real secret behind this fic is that Takashi only ever told her the truth. Haruhi busted a major company for the terrible working conditions of their low income employees. A week after the close of the trial she was jumped by a group of people and was sent to the hospital. They had know she was pregnant for a short while and wanted to keep it a secret because of the high profile nature of the case- not even telling friends or family. They lost the baby and it broke them. To this day they still have not mentioned the loss of their child. So naturally they suffer alone, putting on masks for the public. I honestly thought about writing something more with this background information but it just seemed a little difficult to set up the scene. Favorite Line:  “The love I held for you is what blinded me.“ 3. Cameras and Questions (Kyoya x Haruhi WC: 1,181) Prompt:  An almost kiss Summary:  Yet again Kyoya convinces Haruhi to be his date to another gala event. Haruhi asks a question that gets answered in the most unusual way. Is there more going on between a young no-name lawyer and one of Japan's Top 5 Eligible Bachelors than the public is aware? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: This was so fun to write! I love writing snarky Haruhi. I also love writing the back and forth between them. I mean they are my OTP I love the chase. XD I feel like they both can be very up front with each other but that they enjoy the subtleties of their conversations. I love the challenge between them, and how they push and test each other. I think in the beginning I didn’t quite know how to put them in a situation where there was an almost kiss, mostly because I still couldn’t get myself to fully commit to a fluffy piece of writing. But I think with what I did I could classify it as fluff defined by my standards (nobody died and everyone is happy). Favorite Line:  “I don’t know any Ootori man to half-ass anything.” 4. Disgust and Devotion (Hikaru x Haruhi WC:1,083) Prompt:  “Please don’t cry.” & “It’s three in the morning. What could you possibly want?” Summary:  They said that it wouldn't work between them. Are their worlds so far apart that it is impossible? Hikaru is caught up in another scandal and Haruhi has reached her limit. Does she love him enough to stay or is she just too weak to leave? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: I think at this point in the prompts I still couldn’t get myself to write fluff and this ask was a fluff/angst mix with the two prompts provided. I do enjoy writing the HikaHaru ship even if there is not much out there. Originally when I was working on brainstorming ideas the end game was for them to have angry makeup sex. But I just couldn’t twist what I had in a way that would flow naturally with the base plot. I think I like writing Hikaru slightly drunk. It curves his temper and makes him more mellow. But he is still our impulsive little boy and he still has a ways to grow up. This wasn’t the first time that something like this has come up. Though both times he was not at fault (though in the original idea he totally did cheat one drunk night but couldn’t really remember). If anything the fluff is implied at the end.... Favorite Line:  “The media can make it look like anything they want to with a well-timed photo.” 5. Love Over Reason (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 2,102) Prompt: “Are you blushing?” Summary: Loving someone is complicated. Sometimes we feel as though the ones we love deserve more than we can give. Does spending six months apart change Takashi and Haruhi's feelings for the better or for worse? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: There was about 5 days between this fic and Disgust and Devotion and I still couldn’t really bring myself to write straight fluff... But this turned into quite a piece. I think I was hitting a stride of coffee shop AUs and I just couldn’t help myself. Ever love someone so much you push them away because you think it will be better than dragging them through your mess? Well same. I think the fluff in this fic is subtle. They care so deeply for one another that they don’t want to hurt each other more. And just to be kind I added more fluff at the end. I’m not sure I really like how I used the prompt for this one but what’s posted is posted. Favorite Line:  “All I have ever wanted from you is you.” - This line still gets me all sorts of choked up when I read it.

6. Brutality Mixed With Intimacy (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 1,455)

Prompt:  'Please don't cry' or 'You know I have feelings for you, right?'

Summary:  After months of following dead ends, the Ouran Association finally has a solid lead to obtaining useful information on the ring leader of a major underground human trafficking organization in Japan. All other hits had gone to plan for Takashi but this one hit too close to home. With Haruhi as their next target, he couldn't handle the risk of possibly losing her.

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: Cue the beginning evidence of my current obsession with Mafia AU’s... The mafia au is just the perfect setting for my dark angsty heart! I just couldn’t resist. Especially when fluff was so far down the list of things I still wanted to write. I won’t name names but a certain TakaHaru shipper threatened me that they were going to write a fix it fic so that Haruhi actually ended up with Takashi instead of Tamaki. And of course she would end up with Tamaki, he of all of them would have the least blood on his hands.

Favorite Line:  “You were never going to make it to the drop off location.”

7. Fashion and Feelings (Hikaru x Haruhi WC: 2,691)

Prompt: “You know I have feelings for you right?”

Summary: After years of silently watching and pining for Haruhi from afar, Hikaru finally gets the courage to reveal his true feelings for her. With his new spring line debuting in a few short days Hikaru is going to lay his fashion reputation and love all on the line in hopes of having his feelings reciprocated.

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: Finally, FINALLY, finally I was able to pull out just the most fluffy fluff I could write! Like it took everything I had to put no angst in this one at all. This prompt sat for weeks and weeks without progress. I didn’t have a clue with what I was going to do with it. Like, it laughed at me with it’s blank doc. I wanted this final prompt to be just fluff so I left it to sit until I finally had a spark of fluff. This can be read alone or as part of the back story for Disgust and Devotion.  

Favorite Line:  “Most people would be creeped out by someone other than a significant other who bought them lingerie.” Final Thoughts:

Shortest- Cameras and Questions Longest- Fashion and Feelings Combined Total Word Count: 11,443 Title Themes- I really wanted to give this round of prompts a slightly longer title theme. My favorite is probably Brutality Mixed With Intimacy but a close runner up is Public Masks for Private Matters.

Favorite- Fashion and Feelings Least Favorite- Love Over Reason Thanks to everyone who submitted requests! It is always a pleasure writing for you!

[killjoy-loveit]

A Little Bit Like Clover

Request: Oh yay! May I please request a Rowoon/Seokwoo Barista!AU? One shot or scenario, Romance/Fluff, female reader, any POV where he falls for a a florist who works in a flower shop right across from his coffee shop. I don't really have a specific plot in mind other than that 😅 thank you! 💕

A/N: I would like to clarify that everything written in this story is complete fiction and isn’t to be taken as a true portrayal of reality. To the anon who requested this, I’m so sorry it took me so long :( I hope that the story lives up to your expectations!! Side note: I wrote this in a style similar to that of one I tried previously for another story, I personally like this style a bit so lmk what y’all think of it :)

Also this was proof-read by the absolutely wonderful 💚💚 @uwunnie​ 💚💚, whom I wish to thank for taking time out of her day to check over it for me!!

Word Count: 3,914

Genre: Fluff, overall v cute imo

May 3rd, 20XX

     The nice old man, Mr. Jones, that owned the bookstore across the street decided to sell. He would always come in on Tuesday of every week to buy flowers for his wife’s grave- Tuesday’s had been their date nights he’d confided in you one day. Sometimes Mr. Jones would choose her favorite flowers, other times he’d tell you to make a pretty bouquet. You were sad to see him leave, but you knew it was inevitable. It was difficult for him to run the store on his own, especially with him going on in years. Now you just wondered who would become your new neighbor. Would they be nice? Would they change from a bookstore? The possibilities were numerous.

June 1st, 20XX

     After almost a month the bookstore was successfully purchased. Still, you were unsure of who owned the space. You’d yet to see one individual frequenting the establishment, though it would be hard to pick them out anyways. There was always a gaggle of people moving about the old storefront nowadays, pulling out all of the old furniture and books. Clearly it wasn’t going to be a bookstore anymore. That small discovery made you a bit sad. You would miss going over there on your days off and finding new books to delve into.

July 15th, 20XX

     Finally you met the new owner of the store across the street. He’d come in right as you were finishing up a bright bouquet that would be one of the samples for a party planner you worked with. You’d glanced up as the bell had rung, the typical customer service smile coming to your face. As he stepped up to the counter, you wiped your hands on the apron tied about your waist. 

     “Hi, welcome to Oopsy Daisy. How can I help you?” Your voice automatically switching into the chipper, vibrant tone you used to interact with customers. It must’ve shocked him, you thought, as you noticed his eyes widen a tad.

     Nevertheless he smiled politely at you and extended his hand. “Hello, I’m Rowoon, I bought the store across the street from you.”

     Surprised, you reached out your hand to shake his, mouth parted slightly. “Oh, wow. I was wondering who’d bought it- now I know.” You laughed lightly, then proceeded to introduce yourself.

     “Well, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I’m not sure if you know, I changed the layout into that of a coffee shop, so if you ever decide to come check it out the first cup of coffee’s on the house!” 

     “I’ll make sure to stop by soon!”

July 16th, 20XX

     You were up earlier than usual as orders had piled up, what with it being the midst of wedding season. Oopsy Daisy wouldn’t open to the general public for a few hours still, which would leave you plenty of time to make decent headway on the orders. But you would make no progress without having a cup of coffee first. And what better time to try out the new coffee place across the street than right now? 

     Despite the early hour, right about the time typical business people would be floundering for their first cup of coffee, the shop seemed relatively empty. Two or three customers were placed throughout the shop, two at separate tables sipping on their coffee and looking at laptops, the other sitting in a comfortable chair with a book in hand and a coffee set on a table beside them. The store didn’t seem to change too much, despite the switch to becoming a coffee shop. Bookshelves lined the small brick wall that separated the coffee counter from the seating area. Small tables and comfortable chairs were scattered throughout the area, giving it a cozy feel.

     Walking up to the counter, you saw Rowoon standing behind it- pretty relaxed, a book in his hand. A mix of to-go cups and porcelain mugs caught your eye as you got closer, each one had the store name and logo printed on. The logo being a heart made of coffee beans around the shop’s name, which is succinctly called ‘Kinda In Love With Brew’. That made you smile.

     “Your store’s name is cute.” You said after reaching the counter, pulling his focus away from the book in his hands.

     “Oh, hey! I wasn’t sure when I’d see you again.” Rowoon grinned. “And thanks, I came up with it myself.”

     “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that.” Shifting on your feet, you fiddle with the zipper on your bag.

     He just laughs, shaking his head. “A lot of people say that. Do I not seem like I could come up with a cute romantic name for my store?”

     “No, it just seemed like a mild romantic sort of name and I guess I didn’t see you as that type. Clearly I was wrong and shouldn’t set out to find a job in profiling.” You joke lightly.

     Rowoon sets his book down, leaning his forearms against the counter. “Now that we’ve adequately discussed my shop’s name, should we talk about yours? Or save that for another time?”

     “Another time perhaps, I’m on a bit of a time crunch.” 

     With that said, you quickly order a drink of Rowoon’s recommendation. And once the drink is in hand, you make your way back across the street. 

October 28th, 20XX

     It’s been a couple of months since Rowoon opened ‘Kinda In Love With Brew’, and you’d met on many occasions. It had become a habit to pop across the street for a coffee when you knew you would be slammed with orders. And he’d taken to coming over and chatting whenever business was slow, leaving his store under the watch of one of his employees. Normally people got on your nerves, which is why you ran your store all by your lonesome- not one employee to help you out. But somehow Rowoon didn’t. You weren’t sure if he had some charm to him that made it harder to be annoyed by him, or if your personalities just meshed well together.

     Either way it didn’t matter, you were well into becoming friends. Which is why it almost didn’t surprise you when he knocked on the door to your shop well past closing. After letting him in, you’d questioned his arrival.

     “Well,” He replied, taking a deep breath. “I saw the light in your store still on and I wondered why you were still working. It’s almost one in the morning.”

     Glancing over at the clock on the wall to confirm his words, your jaw dropped slightly. “I didn’t even realize… I just got carried away, I guess.”

     Rowoon raised an eyebrow at you. “Carried away or frantically trying to finish an order before the pickup time?”

     You smiled sheepishly at him. “Maybe it was more frantic than being carried away.”

     “I just don’t understand why you refuse to hire some help around here.” He sighs, looking intently at you. “You’re practically running on fumes at this point. If you keep this up then you’ll have to start turning away customers.”

     “I get annoyed by people easily, especially if I have to explain things multiple times. It just wouldn’t work if I tried to hire someone to help me. The cons would outweigh the benefits.” You mutter, picking at your apron awkwardly.

     “I don’t think they would if you found the right person.” Rowoon chided. “But right now what you need is sleep. Go home, get a good rest and finish the order later.”

     You shook your head quickly. “I can’t. They’re picking up the bouquets at nine and I haven’t even finished half of them yet.”

     “Let me help you then.”

     At first you’d been hesitant to let him assist in the bouquet making, but he’d actually done a good job. It turns out that he catches on rather quickly, so after observing you make two arrangements he was able to start making them on his own. It was nice having someone next to you, working in harmony, conversation flowing naturally. This wasn’t something you’d experienced before, and you found that you enjoyed it. Not to mention you actually finished a lot faster than you would have on your own. Hours faster. Once all of the arrangements were finished though, before Rowoon could leave, you promised to repay the favor or at the very least treat him to a meal when he was free. 

November 14th, 20XX

     It was about five o’clock in the evening when Rowoon rushed into your store, completely frazzled and unkempt. Luckily there was no one inside your shop at the moment, though this was because you were technically closed to the public. The asters you were holding falling to the counter in shock. Never had you seen him appear in such a state, he was typically calm albeit a little goofy. Yet here he was, standing before you, out of breath, with panic written all over his features. 

     “What’s wrong?” You moved out from behind the counter to where he stood at the entrance, hand smoothing down his back in an attempt to calm him down.

     Rowoon gulped in a deep breath. “There’s- there’s a lady in the store, and we already called the ambulance, but I don’t know what to do! How am I supposed to help her? I can’t-.”

     You cut him off, worry seeping into your veins and activating your brain. “What happened for you to call the ambulance? Was she injured? Did she slip and fall? Is she bleeding?”

     At each of your questions after the first he shook his head quickly. “She went into labor!”

     Eyes wide, you stared at him, mouth agape. “And you just left her there? What’s wrong with you?” You smacked his shoulder lightly before rushing out of your store to his.

     Sure enough, once you got inside you saw an obviously pregnant woman, sitting on a chair breathing heavily. A man was standing beside her, appearing very panicked, holding a phone talking to a person you believed to be an emergency operator. Only a few other people, all coincidentally men, were in the store, but each one of them appeared nervous and anxious on behalf of the lady who had just gone into labor. All of this energy couldn’t be good for her. The lady in question, looked scared, and all of the people around her weren’t calm either- which was helping nothing.

     Hearing the door close behind you, you determined that Rowoon had followed you. “Go get wet a cloth with cool water, wring it out and bring it to me.” You stated without looking at him, but he quickly followed your orders and moved past you.

     Without hesitation you raised your voice to address the people in the coffee shop. “Everyone who is not with the woman in labor, please leave! I understand that you came here for a coffee fix, but right now might not be the best time.” 

     As the other customers departed, you were left alone in the store with three other people: Rowoon, the lady in labor, and the guy standing next to her. As you approached, her gaze was flickered between you and the guy next to her.

     “Hey,” Voice calm, you pulled a chair up beside her and sat down. “What’s your name?”

     “V-Vee.” She hissed out, teeth gritting in pain.

     You worked on keeping your voice as calm and soothing as possible as you conversed with her, trying to help ease some of the nerves. Rowoon had appeared with the cloth in the midst of your conversation, which you’d handed to the guy standing next to her, telling him to help keep her cool. Overhearing the emergency operator state that the ambulance was still a little far out, Vee became panicked. She was blubbering about how she didn’t want to have her baby in a coffee shop, she wanted to have it in the hospital after getting an epidural, how she wasn’t ready yet. 

     “Breathe,” You reminded her, while you tried to come up with some words that might help. “The ambulance is coming, and soon enough you’ll be able to get to the hospital.” You locked eyes with her. “You can do this. Just think, in a matter of hours you’ll be holding your little one. Isn’t that amazing?”

     She nodded slowly, muttering under her breath. “I can do this.”

     It wasn’t long after this that the ambulance arrived, sweeping her and the man with her away. Which just left you and Rowoon in the store. Of the two, you were clearly the one with the level-head currently, as it appeared that he was mentally checked out at the moment. After guiding him to a seat and getting him a glass of water, you flipped the sign on his door to say ‘closed’. Then you began cleaning up spilled drinks, most likely occurring from witnessing a woman go into labor. Cleaning the spilled drinks didn’t take too long, thus you continue cleaning the rest of the store as you’d seen Rowoon do many a time through the wide windows of his cafe.

     Even after you finished cleaning, Rowoon still seemed to be in a state of shock at what had just happened. So, you did the only thing you could think of- you took his store keys from him, shut off all the lights, dragged him outside and locked up. 

     “Come on,” You murmured, hand wrapped around his wrist. “I’m going to make you a cup of chamomile tea.”

     Making your way across the street, you led him into your store, which you locked after entering, and up the stairs in the back to your apartment. Minutes later Rowoon was sitting on your couch, a steaming mug of tea in his hands. You were starting to get a little worried, as he’d yet to say a single word. 

     Sitting down beside him, you looked at him with concern. “Are you okay?”

     He turned to look at you, the glaze that had previously taken over his eyes dissipating. “I think so,” Rowoon breathed out softly, taking a sip of tea. “I wasn’t expecting anything like that to happen in my store.” 

     Laughing quietly, you patted his arm. “I don’t think most people expect a woman to go into labor in their place of work, unless you’re at a hospital that is.”

     Cracking a joke, it seems, was the right move. Rowoon was able to relax a bit more as your conversation went on. Stories were exchanged of the wildest things to happen in your stores, though you were pretty sure he won, what with what happened tonight. He expressed how amazed he was at your ability to keep calm in such a situation, praising how you’d even helped to calm the soon-to-be mother. That night, Rowoon stayed over- the two of you falling asleep on the couch with a worn-out blanket covering your legs, an old rerun playing in the background, his mug of tea sitting empty on the coffee table.

December 22nd, 20XX

     Snow gently floated to the ground, setting the perfect atmosphere for the holidays. Normally it didn’t snow in this area until January, so it was exciting to see it appear before the new year. However, the snow did nothing to calm your nerves as you built the courage to go to the holiday party currently taking place in Rowoon’s cafe. Through the window you could see the crowd of people smiling and laughing, even managing to hear snippets of the music playing inside each time a new person went inside. 

     Wringing your hands, you finally resolved to pull yourself together and walk across the street. It couldn’t be that hard to step into a building you’d been in numerous times before, could it? Rowoon had invited you, said he was looking forward to seeing you there- you couldn’t just not go. With a particularly deep breath as your fuel, you stepped out of your store and quickly crossed the street after checking the road was clear. You hadn’t been in front of the door to the cafe for more than a second before it was opened by Rowoon himself, a bright smile on his face as he pulled you inside.

     “I’m so glad you came!” His eyes crinkled at the edges. “Do you want some cider? Or hot chocolate? I also have eggnog, a few different wines and ales, or water, if you prefer.”

     “So many options,” At your words, a dusting of color rose to Rowoon’s cheeks. “But I’ll have to go with the first one, cider.”

     His hand remained wrapped around your wrist as he led you through the party, weaving around multiple groups of people, smiling and greeting them as he went. Rowoon only letting go of you to pour a cup of warm cider, which he handed to you with a grin. Shortly after, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, observing the party-goers together. That is until someone came up, pulling Rowoon away for some reason you couldn’t quite catch. Rowoon had seemed reluctant to go, glancing back at you as he was led somewhere else.

     As you didn’t really know any of the people at this party, you kept your place beside the refreshment table. Time passed by rather slowly as you watched everyone socialize, Rowoon having disappeared somewhere among them. Despite his tall stature you couldn’t manage to pick him out in the crowd. Heaving a sigh, you continued to sip at your drink, wondering how long you should stay. With the amount of people in the cafe, if no one stayed around to help Rowoon clean up, he’d probably be here hours afterward. Since he’d helped you on multiple occasions before, the desire was there to help him in return.

     Although maybe it wasn’t just that you wanted to help him. Rather, maybe you just wanted to be alone with him. Your mind flitted back to the week prior, when Rowoon had invited you to the party. 

     He’d walked into your store, head bent slightly, teeth denting his lower lip, and almost walked right into a display of primrose and snowdrops. If you hadn’t moved fast enough he would have bulldozed right into that display, one that had taken you a bit of time to get just right. You had run right over to him, grabbing his wrist and jerking him away at the last second. Rowoon had looked up then, shocked as he stumbled and had to keep himself from toppling over.

     “I’m sorry,” You’d apologized breathlessly. “I just spent so long on that display and you were about to walk right into it.”

     Rowoon glanced back at where he’d just been, eyes widening a fraction. “No, I’m sorry I should’ve been paying attention. I was too lost in my thoughts.” He offered a sheepish smile.

     Eyebrows raised, you cocked your head to the side. “What were you thinking about so deeply you forgot to pay attention to your surroundings?”

     “Oh, I was thinking…” He paused for a minute, eyes flickering to the ceiling. “Of the holiday party I’m having next week. Would you be able to come?”

     At first you’d been a bit hesitant, mainly because you were aware there’d most likely be a lot of people you didn’t know at the party. But Rowoon had managed to convince you to come. Besides, it was much too difficult to say no when he looked at you with hopeful eyes. 

     Hours passed by- hours you didn’t note because at one point you’d left the safety of the refreshment table to find Rowoon. Instead of finding him, though, you’d managed to find an old book of poetry half-hidden on a bookshelf. This book had kept you entranced as the party continued and as it eventually wound down. 

     “Enjoying yourself?” 

     You glanced up from the book to see Rowoon standing next to you, and the rest of the cafe empty. “Is the party over?” 

     He nodded, a tired smile overtaking his face as he sat next to you. “Yeah. Sorry I left you alone the whole time you were here. I kept trying to come and find you, but I kept getting pulled about by other people. Being a party host is exhausting.” Rowoon finished with a sigh, elbows coming up to rest on the table as he set his head in his hands.

     “It’s fine,” You murmured, setting the book down on the table. “I managed to keep myself occupied.” Silence permeated the air between you for a minute before you stood up. “Do you need help cleaning up?”

     “What? Oh no, you don’t need to help clean up.”

     “But nobody else stayed behind to help. You shouldn’t have to clean this all by yourself, look at the mess!” You gestured at his cafe, which had empty paper cups and plates strewn about and streamers hanging loosely on the walls. 

     He stood up, taking in the state of his cafe, lips pursed. “You’re right, it will be hard to clean on my own.”

     You waggled your eyebrows at him. “Of course I’m right! Now come on, let’s get to cleaning.”

     Before you could walk away to find a dustpan and broom Rowoon’s hand grasped your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. “Wait, I… I need to tell you something first.”

     Turning back to face him, head tilted, eyes focused on him. “What is it?”

     He blinked rapidly, mouth opening and closing a few times before he blurted out a sentence so jumbled you couldn’t properly understand him. You had to ask him to repeat himself, which he did, but he was so quiet you couldn’t hear him. 

     Finally, after you couldn’t take the anxiousness anymore, you propped your hand on your hip. “Rowoon, please, will you just say whatever it is? It can’t be that difficult to say.”

     “I’m so happy that I bought this place, and that I was able to meet you because of it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship if you don’t feel the same way as I do, but I need to tell you that I don’t want to be friends with you- I want to be more than that.”

     You watched as he bit his lip, his eyes flitted nervously around the room as he awaited your response. “You want to be more than friends?” He nodded swiftly. “Are you saying you have feelings for me?” He nodded once more. A smile broke out onto your face, one that he hadn’t caught yet because he was avoiding looking at you. “Hmm, well, I guess we can’t be friends anymore.”

     Rowoon’s eyes jerked to you, going wide, mouth parted slightly. “Huh?”

     You stared at him innocently. “Does this automatically mean we’re a couple, or do we need to go on a date first?”

     He sighed, relieved. “You really drew that out.”

     Most people tended to grate your nerves. Most people made you want to whack your head against a door repeatedly. Most people were capable of making you wish for a solitary life. Most people felt like weeds, popping up at the most inconvenient of times. However, Rowoon wasn’t like most people. If he were compared to a weed, he wouldn’t be the kind that covers any and everything like Kudzu, rather he’d be the kind that helps a garden thrive, like Clover. In this way, it’s safe to say that he grew on you unexpectedly.

[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link-Chapter 7

Chapter 6 or Catch up with my Masterlist

Summary: Drea tells the Ackles about her past. How will they respond?

Warnings: talk of car accident; death of a parent; death of a spouse

“I’m a widow.”

This is the first time those words had ever crossed my lips.

I’m a widow. I’m almost 24 years old and I am a widow. That sounded so foreign to me. HOw can someone so young be dealt with this future. No matter where I go in life, what I do, I will always be a widow. I will never get used to those three words. Or the melancholy looks that were bestowed upon me when they are spoken.

Those melancholy looks are exactly what I am receiving right now. Jensen and Danneel Ackles look at me with sorrowful, remorseful gazes. The anguish and grief on their faces is staggering.

“I’m so sorry, Drea,” Dani says, reaching across the table to take my hand. “We had no idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arriving at the address that Dani had given me, I sit in my vehicle, mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the conversation about to take place. My new friends have no idea what I am about to tell them. They have no idea that my young life, the one that had really just begun, was ripped from me in the blink of an eye. With one too many sips of a drink, the future I had dreamt would never come to fruition. I will myself the energy to step out of the car and walk into their home. I have to do this. My presence with them at a stupid party has already caused them trouble. Their marriage was suffering because Dani had briefly held my hand and someone snapped a photo. How stupid is that!

Dani opens the door as soon as I make it to the top step of the patio. She welcomes me with a hug but it doesn’t calm my nerves. The simple move actually causes my anxiety to heighten. But I know this needs to be done before those silly gossip magazines and gossip entertainment programs that are all the rage right now digs the information up and work it to their agenda. Other people, and the truth, be damned!

“Drea!” Dani exclaims, smiling brightly. “It is so good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too Dani.” I paste a smile on my face, hoping it is believable.

“C’mon in. Jensen is firing up the grill. Figures we could eat and then talk. That sound okay?”

“Sure. I could eat,” I lie. The knots in my stomach and the lump forming in my throat aren’t going to let my body have any comfort.

The burgers were cooked to perfection and Dani had every type of condiment known but I just couldn’t enjoy the food. I took small bites of my sandwich and chewed until the morsels were basically non-existent before swallowing. The beer Jensen sat in front of me aided in the consumption. I watched as they devoured their food, waiting with bated breath to tell my story.

“I’m a widow.”

The melancholy looks I am receive from them are expected. As are the sorrowful, remorseful gazes; the anguish and grief on their faces is staggering.

“I’m so sorry, Drea,” Dani says, reaching across the table to take my hand. “We had no idea.”

“Why would you?” I say. “I was just some helpless person on the side of the road that you two took pity on.” “Don’t say that,” Dani criticizes. “You, Drea, were not and are not helpless. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand. But, you and I have talked these past weeks everyday and I know you are not helpless.”

“Thanks,” I smile at her. “I guess I just am down on myself because I never pictured my life to be like this.” Jensen stands up and walks around the table to me. He pulls me up and embraces me in a hug. “I’m sorry, Drea. But Dee and I are both here for you. Whatever you need. Believe that, okay? “ He lets go and I look up into his face. I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

“Do you mind if I ask to tell us about him,” Dani cautiously asks.

“His name was Chad; Chad Tyler Murphy. He was just 23 when he was on his way home and a drunk driver passed over the median and hit him head-on. They said the collision killed him on impact.”

“Oh, that’s horrible!” Dani says.

“Yes, Chad and I began dating when we were 15 years old. He was my everything from almost the beginning. It was just me and my mom. My mom got sick when I was 12, cancer. She was diagnosed after finding unusual looking spots on her arms and legs. It was in the early stages but the doctor wanted to try and get ahead of it so he immediately started her on treatments and medicine. Mom took more pills in a day than I’d ever seen. She was doing really well too. The day after my 14th birthday, we got the news that she was in remission. We celebrated by going to the movies and eating as much junk food as we could. It was a great day!” By this time, my cheeks are painted with tears. Jensen hands me a box of tissues and I dab at the moisture. “One day about six months later, I wake up to Mom sick. She’s bent over the toilet, vomiting. The bowl is splattered with blood. I rush her to the emergency room and hours later they tell us that between the therapies and the drugs she had been taken her intestines and stomach were destroyed. She died in surgery, trying to fix a hole in her lower intestines.”

“Oh god, Drea!” Dani has now joined me in the weeping. “You were 14 when you lost your mother? Did you have other family members there with you? Friends?”

“No one. Never knew my father. Mom said he knew about me but skipped town when she was six months pregnant. Guess he didn’t want me. It was just me and Mom.  I was alone in the waiting room when the doctor informed me that my mother had passed. Someone called a counselor in and social services showed up and took me to a kids’ home. That’s where I met Chad. He was a ward of the state also. His dad had abused his mom and Chad had witnessed his dad killing his mom and his dad is in prison, serving life.

“He befriended me almost immediately and we became close. We hung out every day after school and on the weekends we had movie days and would just lounge around. He held me as I cried for my mom and I held him as he cried, telling me what he had seen and heard as his dad beat the life out of his mom. On my 15th birthday, he bought me a cake and a present. This little locket,” I pull the locket away from my neck and show them. It just a little silver oval-shaped locket but it’s empty. “We didn’t have any pictures to put in it but that didn’t matter to me. It was special because my best friend gave it to me. That might we snuck out onto the roof of the building and was stargazing. He told me he loved me, he was in love with me. I gave him my virginity that night and we never looked back.”

Tears are once again streaming down my face so I grab another tissue to brush them away. Dani does the same. I dry my face as well as I can and continue.

“Chad and I were together. When we were both 18 we moved into our own apartment. Life was hard but we endured. He got a job at a local engineering agency and I was working as a clerk at the grocery store down the street. We were happy. We started saving as much as we could. We both wanted a big family. Kids, at least 4. When I turned 20, I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. We were excited. We got married a week after that. Nothing fancy, just a justice of the peace. I went to my doctor’s appointment only to find out that it had been a false positive. Chad had had to work and couldn't go with me. I told him that evening and we both cried.”

“ Oh, sweetie! That had to have been devastating,” Dee said. “I can’t imagine thinking I was pregnant and finding out different,” she said, looking over at her husband. Jensen grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it.

“We were heartbroken but getting through that together only made us stronger. We talked that night and both agreed we were going to get through this as one. That was not going to break us. And it didn’t. At first. But then Chad started working more and more. He was coming home late every night and even began working on some weekends. I thought he was having an affair. We actually fought about it. Then, the next day he comes home with a dozen roses and told me he had been working toward a promotion and had actually won it. I’d never felt so ashamed in my life. Here I had accused him of cheating and he had been working to better himself and us. His promotion took us to Georgia, where we moved into a 3 bedroom house that I had fallen in love with. The architecture, the flow, everything was exactly what I had always dreamed of us having.”

I stopped to take a drink of beer and collect my thoughts.

“I was 23 years old when the police knocked on my door to inform me that there had been an accident and my husband didn’t make it.”

Dani was full on crying, along with me, and I could see tears in Jensen’s eyes as I resumed.

“I was escorted to the hospital to rightly identify him. Something inside me broke seeing him laying there, lifeless on that metal slab. I went through the motions of identifying him, collecting his personal items, making funeral arrangements. I don’t remember much of the service, just the image of him laying in the casket as the preacher droned on. I couldn’t watch as they lowered him into the ground. I just walked away.”

A year later, I decided to sell everything and take the trip Chad and I had always discussed doing. Now I’m doing it alone. I sold the house, quit my job and just took off. I was three days into my journey when you two came upon me.”

“Good Lord, Drea!” Dani breathed out. “You went through all that, alone?” I nod at her question, not trusting my voice to actually work at the moment. Having to rehash all that had taken its toll on me.

Dani comes over and wraps both arms around me and hugs tightly. “I’m glad we found you.”

Chapter 8

The Padackles Link @xxdragonagequeenxx @darlingpeanut

[yasbxxgie]

$52M lottery winner plans to use chunk of fortune to transform Sistrunk Boulevard

A childhood in the black community of Memphis. A cruise line career that delivered him to a life in South Florida. And a lottery ticket he bought at a gas station.

A winning lottery ticket.

They are the factors in Miguel Pilgram’s life that bring him now to Sistrunk Boulevard, a corridor the county calls the “historical heartbeat of Fort Lauderdale’s oldest black community.”

Pilgram, who won a $52 million jackpot using quick-pick numbers in 2010, is investing some of his winnings in Sistrunk in a way not seen in years. Pilgram said he wants to breathe new vibrancy into the boulevard, building on its rich history as a place that nurtured civil rights leaders and pioneers and attracted people to its lively nightlife and music.

“I was raised in a similar environment,” Pilgram said. “There is a need, and in my mind, an obligation, to invest there.”

The 48-year-old Coral Springs resident and father of two is rolling out plans for a New York Subs and Wings restaurant with a Memphis Blues club upstairs, on one side of Sistrunk.

On the other, his company, The Pilgram Group, plans a retail complex with a bank, Jamba Juice and other shops on the ground floor. On the second floor, a performing arts center will offer below-market rates for instructors of dance, arts, and music.

“Do you know how impactful that is for a child from any of these areas, who is like me, to come out and see people actually painting in the window, or performing on a saxophone?” Pilgram said. “That creates a fire under most children. Now they say, wow, anything out there that’s creative, I can be. Whatever artist I want to be, I can be.”

Back in Memphis, Pilgram said he had role models who shaped him.

His father was hard-working. His mother was a devout Seventh-day Adventist who had him in church several days a week. When he got older, he joined the Navy. Then he embarked on a career in the cruise line industry, climbing to a top position, and learning to work with large budgets like the one now under his own name.

In his world travels, he said he visited cultures where people marveled at his “beautiful” brown skin. He said he wants children in Fort Lauderdale’s historic black community to experience that feeling of value as an African American.

But he also saw what can happen when private investment is lacking, he said, and government comes in to rebuild. In Memphis, he said, his grandmother’s apartment was razed, and the residents displaced. He feared it could happen here, and said that’s one thing that drew him to Sistrunk Boulevard.

‘It could be you’

Every week, Pilgram spent $20 on lottery tickets. But he wasn’t good about checking them.

Then one night he ran to the Shell gas station in North Bay Village where he bought his tickets. He left chicken cacciatore and his girlfriend at home, and was in a hurry. He just needed a bottle of wine.

David, the gas station employee, was insistent. Someone had bought the winning Florida Lotto ticket at that gas station, he told Pilgram, and “it could be you.”

Pilgram got the tickets from his car, and one of them hit: 15-16-20-32-45-50.

David started “jumping up and down,” Pilgram said.

“$52,000?” Pilgram thought he heard through David’s Spanish accent.

No, not thousand. 52 million.

Reviving history

Sistrunk Boulevard hasn’t had a nightclub with live music like Pilgram plans in at least 25 years, City Commissioner Robert McKinzie said. Back then, the property Pilgram bought, at the southeast corner of Northwest 15th Avenue and Sistrunk, was the buzzing Night Owl lounge.

The boulevard was once vibrant. Now, vacant lots and empty buildings sit on many of the blocks. The city, a major landowner on Sistrunk, has worked for years to encourage private investment. McKinzie said the pieces are finally falling into place, and he’s “excited” about Pilgram’s role in it.

“Now that we are reviving it,” McKinzie said of Sistrunk Boulevard, “his plan and concept fit right in.”

Next to Pilgram’s planned performing arts center, on the north side of Sistrunk between Northwest 14th Way and 14th Terrace, the city recently agreed to spend $10 million building a new YMCA where the old Mizell Center is. Development has finally come to public land at Sistrunk and Northwest 7th Avenue, a grocery store and shopping plaza that took decades to come to fruition. A developer is now proposing micro-residential units and retail directly across the street, McKinzie said.

Longtime members of the community around Sistrunk have heard for years that an economic revival was right around the corner. Standing in his crossing guard gear at Pilgram’s building, Charles Zeigler, 67, said he believes it.

“It’s coming,” he said after Pilgram told him his plans. “It’s a process.”

The restaurant and blues club — a renovation of the original 1940s building — will be open in about a year, if all goes according to Pilgram’s plan. He purchased the property in May.

His vision next to the Mizell Center, where he’s still working to purchase multiple pieces of property that span the block, could come to fruition in Spring of 2019.

Winning was ‘confirmation’

The Sistrunk investment isn’t his only endeavor.

Pilgram is working on a clothing line of men’s shirts, has other real estate dealings, bought a condo at Fort Lauderdale beach to renovate and make his home, and is renovating a two-story building at 107 SW 6th St., next to his office, just down the street from the Broward County Courthouse. It will open in the coming months as a New York Subs and Wings restaurant and jazz lounge.

Outside his office, the license plate of his black BMW reflects what’s on his mind: “AMB1SHN.”

He said he feels an urgency that many people don’t. When he was in his late 20s, Pilgram intervened when a man outside the blues club he managed in Memphis was being beaten and robbed. Pilgram chased the man, who pulled out a gun and shot him.

When he reflected on his survival, Pilgram said he felt a conviction that he was going to have a “positive global impact.”

Though he’s often called lucky, Pilgram said he doesn’t believe in luck. He didn’t know what the numbers on the winning ticket were, saying he never really looked. Rather, he felt that winning was “confirmation” from his Creator, he said, after treating people “with such integrity and honor my whole life.”

Lottery winning history is a mixed bag. Many winners have seen their lives pulled apart, their winnings sapped. Not so for Pilgram.

“It’s been 1,000 percent positive,” he said. “Whatever you are before you come into success, you’re going to be more of that when you get there. … The only thing you require more of is discipline, and the Navy gave me all of that I would ever need.”

Aerial:

Pilgram's planned developments along Sistrunk Blvd

[hanny-writes-spn]

Same As It Always Is

Pairing: Dean x Reader (ish)

Word Count: 2300ish

Warnings: Possibly some cursing. Grumpy Dean.

Read Part 2 by @melonshino here! (Coming June 14th)

Read Part 3 by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes here! (Coming June 15th)

A/N: Written for @spnbuddywriters Annoying Characters Writing Challenge! Our prompt was to use “Someone’s taking up two seats on public transit, so she has to stand” somewhere in our story. Tierra and Ida’s parts will be posted in the next couple of days, so stay tuned for more annoying fun!!

---------------------------

The mood in the bunker was as light as it had ever been before. After your last hunt, Sam had insisted that you all take a few days to regroup and just relax for once in your lives.

Of course, the way the boys relaxed wasn’t exactly… relaxing. They were relaxing the only way they knew how.

Sam spent his time taking notes and reading books of lore. You honestly weren’t sure if he was sleeping or not - when you woke up in the morning he was reading, and by the time you went to bed he was still reading.

Dean spent his time off working on his Baby. It baffled you that someone could do so much work on one car, but Dean insisted that she was always a work in progress.

Your way to relax was to actually relax. Television shows and junk food consumed your life for the first two days of your break, but by day three, you were getting a little stir crazy. To entertain yourself, you decided to explore around the bunker.

Hallway after hallway, you weaved in and out of rooms that you didn’t even know existed despite living in the bunker for a year now. Right when you were about to head back to your room, you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. When you pulled out your phone and saw the notification, you headed straight to Sam.

“Sammy, did you get the same notification that I did?” You asked him as soon as you walked into the library.

“I was actually just about ready to go find you. You think there’s a case here?” Sam questioned.

“Maybe… Why don’t we go talk to Dean about it?”

...

“Hey Dean,” You said with a smirk when you saw him buried under the hood of the Impala. You couldn’t help but admire the way his sweat soaked shirt clung to every muscle on his back.

He paused for a moment and looked up at the two of you as he wiped his hands with a rag. “What’s up?”

Sam sat down on a nearby bar stool and started to summarize what the article on his phone said. “Well, Y/N and I got a notification on our phones about this clerk at an antique shop in Council Bluffs, Iowa that had just died.”

Dean scrunched up his eyebrows. “And I care about this, why?”

“His obituary says that he died while in the store - I guess his tie got stuck in the cash register and when he tried to free himself, he got decapitated…” Sam trailed off as he read the article.

“Well, that’s certainly not a normal way to die… but still, I don’t feel like that alone is enough to drive out there,“ Dean said, still skeptical.

You handed Dean your phone to look for himself. “This isn’t the only weird occurrence in this area. It looks like others who have purchased items from there have had mysterious things happen to them, too. But this one is the first death…”

Dean let the information absorb for a moment as he read. “Wait a minute how did the two of you get notifications on your phones about this case? This article looks like it’s from some local newspaper.”

“Oh I forgot to tell you! Charlie helped us program an algorithm into our phones that searches out certain key words from newspapers and police scanners all over the country that could lead us to a case. So now, instead of having to search through the internet all the time, the cases are going to just come to us! I’m sure she could program your phone-”

“No no, I’m good. I’ll keep searching for cases old school,” Dean said, cutting off Sam. “So break is over, I assume?”

You grinned. “I mean, it’s only a three hour drive… it couldn’t hurt to check it out...”

Dean winked at you and shut the hood of Baby. “Well then, let’s get a move on.”

...

Once you were settled in the car, you got your phone out to look into the case a little more. “So this guy’s name was Robert Craig. He was 54 and he worked at this antique shop called Same As It Never Was. Actually, sounds like he was the one that ran the place. He worked there for nearly 30 years.”

“Any family we should talk to?” Sam asked.

You shook your head. “No, he didn’t have any family, but we should  talk to the only other employee of the shop as well as the owner. It looks like it was the owner that found him.”

“So what, we think there’s a ghost haunting the place? There’s a lot of old stuff in there, maybe there’s a ghost attached to one of the objects?” Sam asked.

Dean scrunched his eyebrows together and shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to see if there’s anyone other than the latest victim that died recently.”

You and Sam only got the chance to nod in agreement before Dean started blasting his music. You leaned back in your seat and just enjoyed the scenery (or lack thereof).

When you arrived at the antique store in your FBI getup, you walked underneath the yellow caution tape as you flashed your badges. Upon looking around the place, it looked like any normal antique shop. There were old dolls, picture frames, instruments, chairs, and jewelry all hung out in the open making it look like a cluttered mess.

You were all immediately drawn to a man that was watching the chaos around the shop that you assumed was the owner. He was small in every sense of the word: short in stature, underweight, and even the glasses he wore on the end of his nose were small.

Once you walked over to him, you flashed your badges again.

“Hi there, we’re from the FBI. This is Agent Joplin and Agent Hendrix, and I’m Agent Zeppelin,” Dean introduced the three of you. The man squinted as he leaned in closer to take a look at your credentials. You quickly snapped yours shut and put it back into your pocket as you started to question him.

“Are you the owner of this shop, sir?” you asked, glancing around once again. Your sight landed on a particularly creepy porcelain doll, making you shiver.

The man nodded as he rubbed his hands together nervously. “I’m Frankie… Frankie Saxton. Well, my first name is Franklin. Yes, I’m… I’m the owner of this shop.”

“Do you mind if I take a look around?” Dean asked. You could tell just by the twinkle in his eye that he was more excited to look around at all of the old toys than to actually look for clues for the case.

“I… sure. That would be fine. Just please… please don’t touch anything!” He said with a waver in his voice. Everything this man said sounded nervous.

“Do you mind if we ask you a few questions, sir?” Sam asked. Mr. Saxton kept his eyes on Dean, making sure he didn’t touch anything.

“Sure… I suppose I could answer a few.”

“Were you close with Mr. Craig?” Sam asked.

Frankie was momentarily distraught as he watched Dean disappear into a different room, but that left him with nothing but to focus on you and Sam.

“Er… not really. Not on a personal level, at least. This was my father’s old store - when he died, he passed it down to me but I didn’t have time to run it. He died almost 15 years ago, so it’s pretty much been Robert running the place ever since.”

Content with his answer, you and Sam kept questioning him. “And when you found him…”

“It was awful!” He interrupted you abruptly. “To see him… without… it brought back such horrifying memories for me!”

“Memories? What do you mean, memories?” You asked him, curious about his answer.

“My father… he was the one who started this store. What an ornery man he was… he died by decapitation, too. Except when he died, he was cleaning out this absolutely stunning cannon he bought from an auction - that thing was from the early 1800s! It was going to be a top seller when it accidentally blew his head clean off his shoulders… poor guy didn’t realize that there was still a cannon ball in there…”

Mr. Saxton stopped his story when you all heard a loud crash in the back. “Oh, what did I tell him about not touching anything!” he wailed as he stormed off to find what Dean did.

You were right on his heels when you saw the mess that Dean made. It appeared that he found the shelves with all of the instruments on it, and then proceeded to knock every single one of them all into a pile on the floor. You couldn’t help but giggle when you saw Dean’s face; it was one full of regret, with a little hint of mischief in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I just wanted to pull one out to look at it but then I didn’t realize that they were all leaning on one another-”

“Do you have any idea how much all of this costs?!” Mr. Saxton nearly squealed. “Now I’m going to have to go through and make sure nothing is broken and then reset it all on there… You know what? I think it would be best if you all just left. If you need to know anything else, just ask the police. I already answered all of their questions!”

“Of course…” you said, grabbing Dean by the arm and leading him towards the door. “I’m so sorry for all of the trouble…”

As you walked out, Sam gave Dean his best bitch face. “Way to go, man.”

“Yeah, yeah… did you get anything out of the guy?”

“He told us that his dad died a very similar way to Robert. And he said he was always an ornery guy… think it could be him haunting the place?” You asked aloud.

Before either of the boys got a chance to answer you, Dean cried out, “Oh, damn birds! Look at my poor Baby!”

His car had big blotches of white goo all over, from windshield to tail light. You were unphased by the mess, but you did see Sam giggling a little off to the side.

“I just cleaned her, too…” he said, a disappointed look on his face. You all hopped into the car and headed back to the motel to regroup and look up some theories on what could be the issue.

You and Sam typed away on your laptops while Dean decided to take a shower. When he came out 15 minutes later, he looked very unhappy.

“Hey Dean, we’re just looking up… My god, what happened to your face?!”

He had little pieces of toilet paper covering all over his jaw, each with a little dot of blood on it.

“I… I don’t know what’s wrong with my razor! It knicked me every time… so annoying. I look like a 16 year old that just learned how to shave!” He roared as he went to the fridge to get himself a can of beer.

As he sat down next to you, he cracked it open only to have it explode all over him. The suds sprayed all over his face and onto his fresh clothes he had just washed from your break.

You and Sam looked at each other and stifled some laughs, but Dean on the other hand was not having it.

“Damnit!” He yelled again, grabbing a towel to clean himself up. Clearly annoyed, he just set down the beer and grabbed the keys to his car. “I’m gonna go get us some food,” He grumbled as he slipped on his boots.

“I’ll come with you,” you offered, hoping that you could help brighten up his mood. He graciously accepted and the two of you left.

On the way to the local burger joint, there was a car in front of him going at least 10 MPH under the speed limit. Dean wasn’t saying anything, but you could tell that he was getting irritated with the driver when he would try to pass him and then they’d speed up. That went on for the entirety of the drive, up until you got into the parking lot of the fast-food restaurant.

Dean’s grip on the steering wheel loosened when he finally parked and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Today just isn’t your day, is it?” You asked him. Right when he was about to answer, you felt the car jolt and heard a sickening crunch of metal. Knowing how Dean’s reaction would be, you reached out a comforting hand onto his bicep.

“Dean…” you said in a soothing voice, but he was out of the car before you could say any more.

“Hey, you idiot! You need to watch where you’re going!” He yelled as he jumped out of the car, slamming the door and going to the other car’s driver’s side window. “I know she doesn’t look like much since she’s covered in bird crap right now, but she’s a real beauty underneath! I-”

When you heard him stop, you hopped out to see what was happening.

“Dean? What’s going on?” You asked when you saw him with the other car’s door open and Dean sticking his head in.

“C’mere…”

When you saw what Dean saw, you understood why he stopped yelling. “Oh my god, is he dead?!”

Dean nodded. “But look at his shirt…”

You leaned in closer to read the “Same as it Never Was” logo on the chest. “Wait, is this the other employee that worked there?” you asked.

“Something weird is going on at that place and we need to figure out what,” Dean said as he whipped his phone out and started dialing.

Dean Tags: @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @applepie-and-angelwings @raylin19 @angel-blazing

Forever Tags: @mogaruke @melonberri @holding-on-to-francis @dyingwhaleseatpizza @impalaobsession @feelmyroarrrr @pureawesomeness001 @raylin19 @sammynughh @angel-blazing @boho-chic-123

[realrentersofmpls]

The Sentinel Cometh.

Back in 2018, I participated in conversations with neighborhood associations, the city planners, the Planning Committee, the City Council, and the Mayor, about the 2040 plan.

I posted this on my Facebook page about my experience, responding to someone who said the city did a good job on outreach:

“Over a period of six months, I witnessed neighborhood associations, and representatives from each ward voice opposition on a variety of issues, and demanded greater outreach with the plan. Something the city actively avoiding doing, even though they had greater outreach on things that didn’t even apply to the people they communicated with, like sidewalk snow removal. There were hardly any people of color at those meetings, and many who were were against the plan, much in part because their lives were already getting destroyed by redevelopment, like what’s happening on Nicolette 14th and 15th. Nothing in the plan prevents more of that, and they were blown off. We had 4.5 hours of testimony in front of the planning commission, with about 70% opposition. The planning commission took a 15 minute break to deliberate, and just blew right through at the end, dismissing the majority of what was said. The next day a member related how public outreach was tyranny of the least busy. You can actually see the meeting for yourself, I was their the whole time and testified: https://youtu.be/6wgzpw2-LlE

The only issue anyone hears about is single family housing, because that’s the only issue the city can stand on, but it’s a fraction of the issues people voiced. Weak environmental regulations, no objective analysis on how the plan will impact the environment or affordable housing, no plan for transportation because of the increase in density, rezoning all around the city, nothing to maintain affordable housing in negotiations with developers, no stake for neighborhood associations, etc… The school’s weren’t involved, and the rezoning that’s happening around them looks devistating. I went to talk to the leadership at Minneapolis College about it, because they look like they’re going to be surrounded by non residential buildings, and I was worried because they’re already facing enrollment decline and students with homelessness, the majority of them didn’t know about it. That’s because their hasn’t been any outreach. The Community Development club and myself passed a resolution through the Student Senate specifically about increasing outreach, and sent it to the Mayor, nothing was heard about it from him. In the midst of doing that we just endlessly ran into people who didn’t know about the plan. So when you say that the city did a good job on broadcasting this, you’re a liar, and you don’t have a case for how they did a good job. They did a shit job, and it’s a shit plan. Though I gotta say that they did a good job trying to market what a "success” everything has been now that it’s done and over. If I would have seen that effort go into outreach and the plan initially, I wouldn’t be so anti-2040, because the city would have actually done its job.“

Since then, we’ve learned that the city paid for propaganda about the plan:  https://kstp.com/news/5-eyewitness-news-investigation-minneapolis-hired-pr-firm-to-sell-2040-plan/5223017/

There are redevelopments happening around the whole city, many unfilled because of cost. The redevelopment kitty corner to me starts their studios at $1200, $250 more then my rent for a studio. I live in the Buckingham, and it has recently been bought out by a multi-family conglomerate from New York called Sentinel. A perfect name to represent what is happening here and across the city. In my building all the maintenance people have been fired. The communication system is down. Laundry was down for a week. Digital rent payment is gone, we learned that 3 days before we had to pay out rent. The transition hasn’t been great.

The school is still going through enrollment decline, even though they have been making stellar decisions and improvements. I attribute a lot of that to people not being able to afford having a roof over their head, therefore they’re less likely to make the jump into college costs, even though it’s the most affordable college in the state.

These are the impacts the city has caused by passing the 2040 plan, allowing developers to have free reign. There isn’t a single member who I can vote for, who I think should be able to remain in office. Not the Mayor, not the City Council, and Not my rep on the Planning Commission from the Park Board. Hopefully I can stay in the place I call home, long enough to vote them out.

[placesthatchangedpeople]

A testimony about the so-called Straight Inc. rehab

Straight Inc. was basically abusive and a misunderstanding about how to treat people who are suffering from addiction. Addiction is an illness and people needs to treated just as well as people with other kind of illnesses.

This was not the case at Straight. It was punishment not treatment and as result many of the former teenagers who were put there, has committed suicide.

I was put into Straight Incorporated in 1981, 20 days before I turned 16. One of my big crimes before Straight goes like this. My best friend from church and I were arrested for dropping fluorescent light tubes from the top of the Palmetto. FL water tower in the middle of the night. (small town anyone?) I had also smoked pot for the first time the summer before my 15th birthday and by now could probably manage to get a ¼ ounce with my best friend once a month or so if I was lucky.

I’m sure the main reason for my incarceration wasn’t drugs, but that I had completely quit taking orders from my parents. Not going to church, not coming home, coming home late, yelling like I had learned it from the pro’s. This was all true.

I also had once grabbed a large kitchen knife to shield myself from my older brother during a bad argument on Christmas Day. The knife did no good, he knocked me unconscious moments later. He was 18 and a body builder at the time, me 14 and an artist. I woke up tied in electrical cords and rope on my living room floor. My uncle and cousin were there. Everyone was standing over me re-acting to me struggling crazily. Saying, “He‘s on drugs!”, “He‘s crazy.” I hadn’t yet tried pot at this point, so they were actually wrong. I wasn’t on drugs.

For the record my brother went on to later in life abuse both his wife and his son. I’m sorry that they had to endure that. Mark had been controlling me with induced pain and violence from birth. He could control me with a glance. I hated my parents for not protecting me from him. Mark is no longer alive. He was struck by lightning years ago. I remember standing next to his casket with my hand on his chest, crying. It was the first time I had ever been in the same room with him and not been terrified.

I hated my home life and spent most of my time at my best friends house even eating most meals there. His Mother also attended our church and my parents and her were friends.

My parents thought I had problems long before Straight. I was being psyche & IQ tested and sent to counselors since I was 9 or so Mom says now. For the record I had also been a successful Boy Scout, published my own School newspaper at the age of 7 and built my own electric guitar from scratch using old stereo components when I was 9. I did have problems, big problems. I could not accept the things I was being told to believe about the world.

When you enter the program you begin 1st phase. You are called a new-comer. You have no rights and have to gain permission for each physical move you make, under the guise that you may be trying to escape. This means you even have to ask to move across the bedroom to get a pencil. Bathroom trips also have to be approved and you are watched while doing your business. Remember that the person enforcing this stuff is another kid or two, not some trained clinician. The parents do not normally intervene, even in their own homes.

It’s 24/7 without a break. You’re not allowed any entertainment, not even reading. No reading road signs on the way to the building. No reading the cereal box at breakfast. No music, no TV, no nothing. You are alone for sure. You have no contact with anyone on the outside including your parents. Every privilege will now have to be earned. For me it was terrifying having no one to help/console me during the most frightening experience of my life.

You’re either with the program or not, these crazy sounding rules are self-enforcing really. Any infraction is considered to be rebellion, never just a mistake. So the minute you decide to go along, whether faking or not, you have to accept these rules completely and place them on yourself in total, for fear of not progressing and never having freedom again. Punishment is normally only for those resisting in some way. All those who conform are left alone and treated with total respect. It’s a brilliant system and it works.

As a dear friend said: “It is just horrific, because this has come out of people researching and coming up with theories of how to control people, using other kids coz they know peer pressure will work better than using adult authority figures. It is sick. I just see Facist Nazi's when I read this...it is their tactics.”

You can just imagine how the former “click” associations played out once inside the program. You could easily tell what click people were in before the program most of us probably brought it up early when it was our turn to talk. It was one way to not feel alone. Of course it also gave staff the opportunity to place former “hippies” new-comers with former “jock” old-comers, you know, in order to “help us process our true feelings.” How great it must have been to finally get the revenge your click so deserves buy having complete control over your worst high school enemy. I was on the receiving end of that one too.

Each day, you wake up, get ready for group and eat a breakfast of some sort. The first rap session started at 9AM each day and the last one ended at 9PM, except on Sunday when we started at 1PM. A rap session was a long group discussion led by staff. All the sessions had the same format Past-Present-Future but with different subjects each time. The group sat in two sections with the girls on one half of the room and us on the other. Sometimes the girls and us were separated for sessions to allow for more intimacy. Raps were it, all day every day, except for meals and daily 90 minute exercise. 1 or 2 staff in the room to 120-300 kids depending on the time of day.

For those 12 hours plus at the building each day, you have to sit up in perfect posture, meaning - facing and watching the person speaking, both feet flat on the floor in front of you and your back not touching your chair in any way. Sounds nice huh? Them looking out for our posture like that. The problem is when the enforcement of such posture is left to the fellow teens sitting around you. Did you get a chance to see Lord of The Flies?

Here’s how it works. The worst 1st phasers are sat on ‘front row’ closest to staff. So what you want if you’re trying to have a bit of fun is to sit right behind them on the 2nd row. This way as soon as they slouch down and their back touches the chair you get to drive your knuckles into their back!!! This makes them jump forward off the back of the chair. Very entertaining for a teenager who hasn’t been allowed to even read a cereal box for entertainment for months now. Screwing with the other inmates!!! Yay!

After a few times, if you’re lucky, they will stand up, pissed off. Then you and everyone nearby get to tackle them and force them to the ground. If they keep resisting you get to drag them to the back of the group, stretch them out and sit on them until they clam down. At first they sit just 5 people on you. 1 on each leg and arm and 1 on your torso. This often is enough and in a couple of hours your back up front and sitting up straight.

Being sat on by 5 people was no problem at all for most of us rebels. I could still get something free and start swinging. Then they went to 7 people and it wasn’t long before I was a standard 9. That’s 9 people sitting on me to shut me up. 2 on each leg, 2 on my torso, 1 on each arm and 1 on my head. They would turn my head to the side and them someone would sit on the side of my head. This would normally shut me up but it would be hours before I would calm down enough to be released. I had times when I would spend several days in a row on the floor with people on top of me.

I am probably most ashamed to admit firstly that the program works, at least I know it did for me. It really did. I bought it all to the letter. I resisted at first. Not to much physically, but I was open about my opinion of what they wanted. Of course then I figured that I would fake it and get out. This I guess works for a few folks, It didn’t for me, I assure you. I didn’t progress an inch until they broke me. BS got me no where.

Not only was I tackled and sat on, but I also tackled and sat on others while in straight. This is the hardest thing to think about for me. How they got me to do things I would not normally do,? To that extreme? When I first made 3rd phase, my first new-comer tried to escape by jumping from our moving car on Cattleman road not to far from the building. I didn’t hesitate and jumped out right behind him, tackled him and drug him back to our car. We drove on to the building, went into group and neither of us were even checked over for injuries by anyone.

While I was on 4th phase and making the best school results of my life, I slept each night with a 21 year old man tied under my bed. He was mentally challenged and known to be violent so this was an extra safety precaution that I had taken, beyond the normal caged window and door-key pinned in my underwear stuff. It also helped us all sleep more since he would often mis-behave during the night to punish us for his captivity. I’d love to know why someone with his obvious issues even ended up in a rehab. He didn’t stay long.

My first escape wasn’t until my 14th month in the program, long after I had earned the privilege to come and go unsupervised. After earning my way up to 4th phase and living back at home for a while, going to school again for months. After leaping from moving cars and tying R.J. under my bed, after I was broken, after I conformed, then I was started over. This means sent back to the beginning of the program like a new-comer, stripped of everything and taken away from home. That was the last time I ever lived at home as a minor.

A former director of Sarasota Straight had left the program and went to work at the Life program. (a competitor) He had contacted my folks about switching me over and he confirmed some of the bad Straight rumors that my folks had heard were indeed true. He told them that the Life program was the good of Straight, without the bad. My folks had spoke to another Mother who had switched both her boys to Life recently. Their mother had become a dear friend of my folks ‘in the program’ on the parents side.

Mom and Dad at this point were having a wonderful new relationship with me, their brand-new, perfect, Straight program son. I was making straight A’s and 1’s in school for the first time ever. I had a bedroom full of program kids every night and I was on my way. 7th phase was just 3 more steps and then graduation. WooHoo! I could probably even got a job working in the program some day.

Out of their new found respect for my feelings, they sat me down to ask me about switching to the Life program, to see what I wanted. One evening at our kitchen table in a house full of program ears, we talked about it. I don’t remember much more about the conversation than finding out where a few of my program friends had gone, Life. I do know that there wasn’t any decision made and I didn’t think I was leaving Straight at that point in any way. I probably resisted, if I had to guess, I was pretty Pro-Straight at that point.

The next day when I got to the program after school. They called on me right away, I thought they wanted me to bring the rap out of the confrontation portion and into the positive part at the end where you get to say how well you are doing now and how much you love straight. I leapt to my feat and began my bit. A bad thing happened then. A 5th phasers hand went up. This feeling is like no other.

My conversation with the folks about the other program had made it to the Straight staff’s attention and this 5th phasers job was to expose the story to the group (about 300) so that they would tear me apart. They did, I couldn’t say anything right, not a chance. The one thing you couldn’t ever be in straight was innocent, impossible. I went down in flames and I was started-over on the spot. Back to 1st phase. That was the last of the original me that ever existed, I ended there.

Time to run! Escape! A few nights later my old-comer had left some change on the bedroom floor, about 32¢. I watched it all evening, planning how I would wait ‘til they were all asleep and use a coin as a screwdriver to remove the screws holding the expanded metal cage attached to the window and jump from the 3rd floor that night. I did, in my underwear. We weren’t allowed any access to any clothes at night as a deterrent to escape. I actually found laundry on the lines just outside the window and I was off like a flash.

I ran for a while and stopped finally at a convenience store hungry about 3AM. I was starving of course, starving is part of being on 1st phase unless you are really doing good and/or you have a sweetheart old-comer. I also heard that some of the parents would not allow starving the kids in their home and would make their old-comer kids feed even the bad 1st phasers.

After a while of watching me search the aisles and counting my 32¢ occasionally inquiring as to the cost of different small items, the clerk said something like, “why don’t you grab a few hotdogs on me?” (Thank you wherever you are!) I wandered outside and started in on my hotdogs. As I was eating, the parking lot was filling up with the 3rd shift of the Winn Dixie distribution center getting off work. One of them offered me a hit on a joint that they were passing around. There I was, high again, just days after being Straight’s super kid.

Three days later I went home to my parents and begged them to take me back to Straight??? The auto-suggestions had kicked in, Remember I said, the program works. I was sure that I would die if I stayed outside the program. I was scared to death, really. They took me right in. A few days went by before I realized what had happened. There I was, on front row in group thinking, How did I get back here?

I then knew for the first time that they had brainwashed me. How did I come back to this horrible place and of my own will? I decided I would get out again and this time not come back. 5 months later, somehow I had earned a little trust, a mistake was made and I escaped again from the building in the middle of the day! WooHoo! I ran until I reached a friends house that I had found while out on my previous 3 days of freedom.

After I escaped the 2nd time I got serious about my drug use. It became my identity. I was free and I was using drugs. I had learned a lot and had almost no fears now. I added a few drugs to my list and found myself in jail again by 18. Luckily for me I had avoided crack, heroine and some of the other “harder stuff.” While in jail I decided to go straight again so I could save up some money. I had been homeless about half of this last bit, since Straight.

I got out of jail and I stayed completely sober for more than 16 years. I decided to stop using and I did. No drugs or alcohol at all. My best friend helped, he was straight now too. His mother had put him in Straight too, on my folks advice. She then pulled him from the program on 3rd phase about the same time as my start-over. He never used again that I know of.

At the time he and I were both working part-time as roadies for HAVOC. Our friends band. He did sound and I did lights and also handled all our interactions with normal folks. I had skills and I could make anyone think anything I wanted about me. I could certainly look like a middle class square any time I wanted and this was handy for renting venues and such. I was around drugs all the time, it didn’t bother me in the least. My identity was one of the strange straight roadies that work for Havoc. We would always mingle and entertain ourselves with our intoxicated friends.

I started all my personal relationships by giving warnings about myself and my psyche. I would say how I have a much deeper understanding of the inner workings of the emotional mind than normal because of being formerly brainwashed and having to get myself out of it in a program designed to teach you about yourself. I would not tolerate anyone in my life unless they agreed to accept this extra side of me and to deal with it whenever necessary. Nothing like a know-it-all, huh?

I would use the program techniques and other things I had figured out to point out levels of detail in life that most people probably don’t/shouldn’t deal with. Needless to say, I was a mess. I used anyone who would listen as a therapist and could subject them to a verbal “Moral Inventory” of myself without warning. Nothing could interrupt this process once I got started either. What’s more important than truth? I would think. “No you can’t leave the room.” “I can’t go to work now, I have to share this.”

Another part of the deal if you wanted to be my friend, is no films with torture or captivity in them. No exceptions. Watching anyone being controlled by another makes my feel sick to my stomach, lots of anger, rage. Even watching a child be scolded most of the time is too much for me. Interestingly though, I never connected this with Straight until recently???

After the band slowed down, I moved in with my parents again. Within just a few months, I found a local country girl and moved in with her and her 3 kids, I married her and became an instant dad at 23. We were lucky to have a free house from her family or we would have starved on my sometimes 6, sometimes 15 thousand a year. A true local business gentleman found me, hired me, mentored me and finally I was nearly lower middle class. Thank you Bob! Hannah was born in May of 1990 and I was a real Dad.

My 1st marriage ended in 2001 as far as the living arrangements go. It had ended years before, in most other areas. She was always encouraging me to go off where-ever I needed to, please, and get myself together. This even though I was the sole provider to our 4 children, not sleeping around or anything and completely sober. Wasn’t she lucky? I would think to myself then. Meanwhile I ballooned up to 363 pounds and I could silence my children with a glance. Weren’t they lucky? It’s no wonder they haven’t spoken to me since I left. I was a real prize. I was very successful now as far as western standards go. My middle-class parents/siblings actually wanted me around and acted tolerant of me. It was great. I nearly died that way.

In 2002 I started a new journey. I found the new-age self-improvement game and I was thrilled. I began to work on myself. A lot of it was crap, but there were nuggets to be found among the rubble. I made some great progress and began a new era in life, again.

A lot has changed for me recently. I’ve been working (under the table) about 25-30 hours a week since March. In the past few months I started having “frozen moments”. They would be just a minute or two at first but then became longer and eventually lasted for hours. Not being able to move, frozen in fear. Like someone quietly hiding in a closet hoping not to be found by a burglar.

I called my family (Mom, Sis & Bro-N-Law) and told them I was having trouble and asked, if they didn’t hear from me for a while, please check on me. I was scared that I might be losing it and may reach a point of no return soon. Then…

I was watching a documentary online a little more than a week ago. It was “High: The True Tale of American Marijuana”, about American drug history. I was not prepared for the section of the film about Straight though. I had previously thought that Straight was only 2 locations in Florida and had closed years ago. Boy was I wrong. Straight had been a huge corporation with like 12 locations and was still going in new and different versions. I was shocked. I was one of over 50,000 x-straight kids. George Bush Sr. had even done TV ads for Straight while our Vice-President. Straight hadn’t closed, instead they became Drug Free America Foundation. Advisors to the government on teens and drugs. ANGER - RAGE - ANGER - FURY - BURNING

What I am trying to avoid telling you is the horror I have felt every moment since I saw that footage. I sleep now in short spurts, waking over and over, only to remember and then wishing I was back asleep. My old 5:30AM wake up has become… finally getting out of bed in frustration around 3AM. I have not been able to work, I have not even left my camper unless I had to since then. I’ve been working on writing this since then also. It helps.

I’m trying to believe now, that it wasn’t my fault. That the methods that they used to break me were tried and tested to be proven. They have been used by the militaries and governments of most cultures, on adults for a long time. Logically, I know I have nothing to be ashamed about. Still, I feel that I am less than you. My mind tells me that the other kids didn’t break. They were all faking and I was the only one weak and stupid enough to be broken. You wanna’ talk about feeling powerless?

Now wherever I go, I am thinking about my shame. I’m not ashamed of my drug use, my sexual history or my finances although many people would be. I am ashamed to have been broken. I am afraid because I don’t remember when I quit resisting. I don’t remember the exact moment they broke me. How did they do it? Why did I stop fighting for myself and holding on? My breaking point must be easily accessible to others. How do I shield this fatal weakness? I don’t feel safe.

Really though, I don’t remember anything about my life prior to Straight that isn't a belief I formed about myself while I was in Straight. I don’t remember how I saw myself or the world before Straight. It’s like I was erased. This is a terrible feeling, the loss of identity. The anger with this is limitless. Several former Straight kids have gotten arrested for stalking/harassing the program’s founders and I know why. Revenge is now my first and last thought daily.

It seems my life prior to a week ago was just fiction. It’s like I was still just a Straight escapee and had been running still, my entire life. However even though I am experiencing these horrible feelings and memories again so vividly and constantly now, this seems real and before didn’t. How could living with all this, having never dealt with it, been real? I prefer this realness painful or not.

I feel I have a chance to live for real now. Since I’ve had this shift. I don’t feel driven to worry about where I am headed now. I don’t even care about probably losing my job. I’m glad to be feeling real and I’m not going to run from it in any way. I’ve already went to the local free clinic and requested counseling. Recovery from Straight is my only priority now.

I’m staring myself over now, at 45. I feel like a scared teen runaway , 15 years old. Why am I having to do all this on my own? But I’ve got a fresh slate in my own score book for the first time I can remember. I want more than anything for my family members to react to this story the way you have. I‘d like some empathy, some regret, some acceptance. I’d like them once to consider that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t the Devil personified.

[seburath-aryes-ancunin]

Birthdays

I'm not good with birthdays.....theres a reason why......family or what I thought was family......

You would think that being adopted by humans would be nice ya know? But not always....so here's my story.

My birth years 200 thru 1200 (or 2 thru 12 for human years) were pretty ok. I had friends come over and we would have a party, go swimming and have some fun (usually a friend would spend the night too. Only my best friend would get to stay). Well my 13th birthday it was extremely special because i....i found one of my own kind or at least one of my blood related kin.....i thought things were going to be different after that but no.....

For my 14th birthday some of my friends came by but no one stayed, they were too busy to hang out. My 14th birthday even less of my friends came. My 15th 2 came. 16th......no one....no calls....no texts....nothing......i had to eat a whole birthday cake....alone......

My 17th birthday I tried again. My boyfriend at the time, had to go away to Texas (as per an agreement between his mom and dad. He left 5 days after school ended to spend time with his dad over summer and winter break) but he bought me 3 things in Texas, one of which I still own (a blue Invader zim shirt). He wanted the other 2 back when we broke up.

My 18th birthday I quit trying to get my friends to come over because they weren't anyways. My 19th birthday was party going away party since I had graduated and was leaving for Florida. No one believed me until July and when there was supposed to be a school graduates get-together and I told them I was already gone. They believed me then since most of them went to my old house and I wasn't there.

20 to now I've not thrown parties but somehow one always finds me.

At this point your probably like "but Teekuls, that's not a good reason to be triggered. That's just your 'friends' being douchebags" to which I say the story isn't at its end.

Remember how I mentioned family earlier? Yeah. My mom's family. You would think being adopted means you earn their hospitality....respect......protection..... but no.....her family never did accept me.....only when I was 200 and 600 (2 and 6) did they come to my birthday.

But this, this is the kick while I'm down. My birthday is June 9th. My mom's is June 17th. A week and a day later than my own. I despised that day with a vengeance when I was younger....that was the day all her family would come over and give her lavish presents and money......what did I get? Not even a hi.....my stupid....meesely presents I got for her were nothing compared to what they got her.....

I believe it was a the year of my 1800th, she asked me to stay in the living room with her and enjoy cake. I tried to talk my way out but she begged me. So I stayed. When they came....with presents....i tried not to leave.....when they pushed me out of the way.....i tried not to leave....when they acted like I was an outsider....i tried not to leave......i only left when they asked my mom if she would like to adopt one of my cousin's kids because "she is family". I stormed off to my room and locked the door. I turned my music up so loud......i remember the song.....Welcome to my life.......it was then my mom realized how I felt....

I didn't leave my room for 3 days.....my ex would bring me food at my window (we lived on the ground floor) at night and if I had to use the bathroom I would hide behind the a.c. unit and go in a hole I dug. When I finally came out, of course I was grounded and had my phone taken away. It was my fault I overreacted to them. That was the 3rd time I tried to take my life. I tried SO hard to die that night but my ex caught me.....he told me why I needed to live and why I was important.....he told me not to care about the humans because humans are shit sometimes. I believed him. He was my reason to live....

As the year finished up and our move was coming up I wasn't worried because my then fionce had plans to take me out that day since he knew all about what happened. It was good. I had a nice time and I didn't care about the humans that hurt me.

Fast forward to 2 years ago. My mom had a falling out with her family due to some issues with my aunt's daughter. I get a call from her other sister, who is the eldest of the family, which told me that I was always the black sheep of the family. None of them ever truly wanted me around and that I never was apart of their clan.

It hurt me to hear it but i was older. I wasn't a helpless little dragon as I was. I told her off so bad she hasn't said anything to us since. Mom also finally saw what they had done to me.

So that's my story.

The damage was done and it can't be fixed. I'll go to birthday parties but I'll distant. I won't throw my own and everyone knows that buy they still try to make it a good day for me otherwise. This year was probably my favorite since I was taken to an aquarium and I got to take my time and see everything I wanted. Still to this day I still ask.....

[cchantellemarie-blog]

Goals.

In two days from now, I’m going to be 28 years old. I am still not sure how I feel about that. I feel like your late twenties turn into a giant game of “Who the fuck am I, and what the fuck am I doing?” I hear around 30 is when you start to really know who you are, and boy, am I ready for that to happen.

What I do know, is that I’m blown away at how fast time is going. The fastest it has ever gone. I blinked and almost 11 months has gone by since I’ve left Illinois. I had all of these dreams, and goals, about what I wanted for my life in Oregon. Safe to say, it is nothing and everything I wanted it to be.

Here’s a timeline of my Pacific Northwest experience so far.

June 26th, I have left my little ‘ol town of Plan in Illinois.

June 27th, I made it to Yellowstone. i have only one negative thing to say about my trip to Yellowstone... That I wish I could have spent more time there. I stayed 2 nights at a campground in Yellowstone National Park.

I drove in the first day; down from Montana. I made a point to stop around Gallatin National Forest. Montana... oh Montana. The most beautiful countryside I have ever seen. If they didn’t get an unacceptable amount of snow there, I would consider residing there.

I made it to Yellowstone by sunset that day. It was everything I dreamed it would be.

I only really had one whole day, June 28th, to see all of Yellowstone. I’m telling you right now, It’s possible, but it was definitely a tease. i will be returning, and staying for at least 5-7 days. I also won’t be bringing my dog. He wasn’t allowed in the park due to wildlife dangers. He was allowed to be in the car, and on the main roadways, parking lots, and pullouts. But not on any of the trails. I did get to see the beauty of it though, in all it’s majestic glory.

On june 29th, I made my way to Seattle. I stayed for 2 nights, and made the whole trip about Joey. We went to pet, and vegan, friendly restaurants, 3 different dog parks, and walked all around. He loved it.

From Seattle I drop down into portland on July 1st, and then straight to my farm in Silverton. I worked my ass off here. I participated in a program called WWOOF, which is a work trade program. I worked on someone’s farm for 20 hours a week, and I got to stay there for free, and they fed me. It was definitely the easiest way to get my foot in the door, but allowing time to have time to check out the area, look for a job and somewhere to live, all without breaking the bank. I stayed in a yurt, which was surprisingly comfortable.

It was a big learning experience for me, and I loved all of it. Every drop of sweat, every bee sting, every lonely second... all of it. I got to learn a lot about Organic Farming, stay for free in beautiful countryside of Oregon, and meet a couple really cool girls.

July 14-17 was my first experience with String Summit, or Strummit as they say. I will be going back. It felt like home and I loved it. <3

Less than a month passes, and it was time for me to move on to the next adventure. Eugene, OR. I moved July 23rd.

Chase called me to tell me I was hired August 15th. My first official day of working at Chase was August 24th. And by August 31 I was moved into a new and improved living situation.

I had new roommates, and a new job that I loved, and life was great! I even climbed my first “mountain” Spencer’s Butte. <3

November 14th, My best friend moved here! <3

It got really cold here in Eugene. Colder than I thought it was going to get. Granted, the coldest it got was like 23 degrees which is nothing compared to the brutal negative 20 with the wind chill in Illinois. It had 2 days of crazy weather. The first “crazy” day was freezing rain. Everything, and I mean everything, had a 1/2 inch covering of ice.

The 2nd day of “crazy” winter weather in Eugene, was a snow day. They closed down most of the town, and school was called off, because we got 3-4 inches of snow. haha Even the locals said it was an abnormally cold and brutal winter. That gives me hope.

Everything seems like it’s going alright. There was some turbulance. My bike got stolen. My car died, so i had to junk it. I got $100 for it. I left my nice expensive cell phone on the bus... I just couldn’t catch a break. At the end of January, my house owner tells me they will be selling the house, and we have a couple months to look for a new place. This gave me the perfect opportunity to do what I came here to do. Be independent and live off on my own. That’s right, I moved into my very own, spacious studio apartment close to downtown. I signed the lease March 8th.

Things became a little stagnant after that. I was feeling pretty lonely. I was told this would happen around the 6 month hump. We were going on month 9; Month 6 with no car.. and riding the bus. So what else do you do when your so overwhelmed with finances and life stress?! That’s right, I took out a personal loan for $3000 to buy a piece of shit car that is in the shop right now as I write this blog. I bought it on 4/20. This craigslist ad is the only picture I have of it, because Since then, exactly a month ago, I have had it less than the amount of time it’s been in the hands of a mechanic.

In good news... My branch manager is so wonderful, because she finds me the hours, even though I’m only scheduled as a part timer. She has helped me in so many ways. I really do love my team, even if I have been feeling like I’m getting sucked in to climbing a corporate ladder, working for the enemy. But I like it and it gives me good benefits, decent pay, and volunteer work. On April 30th, I walked a 5k for Veterans with a volunteer program called Carry the Load.

Something even more exciting was that my mom and grandma came to visit me on May 6th. My mom had emailed me an itinerary. She meant business. So may 6th, when their plan arrived at 12, they would drive down from portland to Eugene. We would explore Eugene a bit, and I would show them around.

May 7th we left for Portland. We spent all day downtown, walking around, and seeing the city. I finally got to experience the Saturday Market.

May 8th, we went on a cruise around Mt. Hood, and visited the Gorge, Multnomah Falls, The Bridge of the Gods, and the majestic Mt. Hood herself. I actually got to walk around in the Hotel that the shining was based off of, and shot at.

May 9th and 10th, we spent in Seattle. We did every tourist attraction there is to do. My mom really hooked it up with the city perks. An underground tour, Harbor tour, Ride the ducks, Chihuly Museum, Space needle, the market where they throw the big fish... It was so wonderful. I’m so grateful I had the opportunity to experience all that I did here.  

Our adventure continues on May 10th. We drove as far as we could up Mt. Rainier. there was 14 feet of snow towards the top still so the roads would be closed off for another month or 2. Still so beautiful.

Then on our drive back on May 11th we cruised the entire west coast from Aberdeen to Florence. It was jaw dropping. Absolutely mesmerizing. I love it. I can’t wait to go back to these places and really take my time enjoying them.

Mom left the following day on May 12th. The trip was great. I loved seeing a familiar loving face and hugging my loved ones. When you live close to them, It’s something that is taken for granted. I miss them so much, so it was heart warming to visit with them. Especially because mothers day was that following sunday, May 14th, was mother’s day. What a perfect way to celebrate it.

Now, it is May 20th, and the only thing that is changed is my mechanic. I have gone to 4 different mechanics since I bought the car. Hopefully this one is the winner. I am due for some good fortune. <3

It really is crazy how much time has flown by, and all of the things that I’ve actually accomplished, and done, and experienced. I am truly proud of myself for once in my life. I am still sober, Still smoke free (even though I had a minor slip up for a month or two.), vegan and down 40 lbs.

I can’t wait to see what else can happen in a year. I know that I have big plans for my life, I just don’t know how I’m going at attain them yet.

Until next time. <3