#at least i was mentally prepared to see how it ends
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
kogetaikid · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED UNDERTALE YELLOW BITCHES!!!!
(Ramble alert in tags)
28 notes · View notes
dazais-guardian-angel · 8 months ago
Text
went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
4 notes · View notes
dingusships · 1 year ago
Text
bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
3 notes · View notes
fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago
Text
I love waking up to a text from the assistant manager telling me someone I worked with yesterday is poorly (with what girl??? Is he contagious?????) and asking if I can pick up a shift today or tomorrow
Tumblr media
#i ended up saying i can’t do today because… i can’t. who is going to take care of mabel??#i can’t foist a blockheaded terrier on anybody with such short notice. and anyway i don’t want to#i’m fully booked up today with dog walks and reading a cosy thriller. it’s gonna be the whole day ideally#but i accepted a 9-5 tomorrow 🙃🙃#it’s fine like.. i’ll be okay. i just was really looking forward to y’know. not having to pretend to be a functional human being that day#i kind of hope she finds someone better in between now and her seeing my message. or that sick coworker in question makes a very fast#recovery. i mean i hope that anyway. i like him. but like…#8 hours of pretending to be a person. and then i have to do it again on friday. whyyyyyy#like i don’t think anyone appreciates or realises how much it takes out of you to have to smile and be polite with people who are being#terrible to you sometimes; while you’ve been on your feet all day and your body is aching and you’ve been doing heavy lifting#and maybe you’ve been scalded or burnt at some point or cut your hand and man there’s just so many things that can go wrong at my job#i get covered in something at least once per shift. milk; coffee; soapy water; mixture of the three…..#and i’ve just realised i don’t even have enough shit for lunches this week because i assumed i’d only be doing 3 shifts#so i ate all my snacks and only left enough stuff for 3 lunches#i’m probably just going to buy lunch there tomorrow. which’ll cost me like. nearly an hour’s wages. which is why i don’t do it. 🙃🙃🙃#fuck it. i can just suck it up and pick out a sandwich and some crisps or something; write my name on them and put them in the fridge#it’s just annoying!! like i’ll be fine but i’m just not mentally prepared for unexpectedly having to work lol#personal
1 note · View note
pastanest · 4 months ago
Text
Spencer Reid x she/her!reader
A/N: me posting twice in the same month?? someone do a welfare check
warning: age gap mentioned (bc I’m a slut) but not extensively or in a weird way bc Spencer’s not a pervert lol
Tumblr media
Moth To A Flame
Closing the bathroom door with your own back, you slide down it until you’re sitting on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest and taking a shaky breath. You shouldn’t call him while crying, you know better than that, but you know your own tells enough to hope you can mask them; a futile effort considering who you intend to call at 3am.
Lifting your phone to your ear, you hear it ring no more than twice before your prayers are answered, and you breathe a sigh of relief.
“Hey, Spencer.” You greet him quietly, smiling from just saying his name.
“Hi, sunshine. How are you?” Spencer’s voice is calm and collected, but it’s clear through the phone he’s delighted to hear from you.
There’s no question raised regarding the time at which you’re calling. But no matter how many times this happens, Spencer always enquires after your wellbeing.
“I’m okay, thank you. Just…you know. How are you?” The question is returned, though neither of you are a fan of small talk.
“Yes,” Spencer responds specifically to the insinuation he knows, because he does. Then, he continues, “-I’m well, too, thank you.”
His words, and what goes left unsaid, makes your smile grow.
“What’re you reading?” You ask, and the quiet chuckle you hear from Spencer is enough to prove you right in your assumption of his reason for being awake at this hour.
“Pride And Prejudice. How did you know I was reading?” He wonders aloud with a fondness in his voice that he reserves only for you.
“When aren’t you reading?” You roll your eyes playfully, and Spencer can practically hear it.
“When I’m sleeping.” He quips, his own smile evident in his voice.
It’s enough to have you laughing softly into the phone, which only serves to make Spencer’s smile grow.
“Read me some?” You request quietly.
Like you ever need to ask.
Spencer clears his throat into the phone.
“After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began, ‘In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’ Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for her immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness…” Spencer reads aloud, and the smile on your face is almost as soft as his voice sounds through the phone.
By the end of the chapter, your eyes have drifted closed and your head is tipped back against the bathroom door behind you. Hearing how calm your breathing has become, Spencer pauses, and you hear him close the book.
“See you in the morning?” He always asks because on the rare chance you’ll say no, at least he has time to mentally prepare for your absence. Tonight is not the night for that.
“Yeah, see you tomorrow…Thank you.” You reply, already feeling close to sleep.
This stumps Spencer momentarily, and he falters before he replies, “For what?”
And there’s only one thing you can say to that.
“Being you.”
Spencer chuckles sheepishly, “I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
Of course he doesn’t. Perhaps, if he was anyone else, you’d stand a chance.
“Goodnight, Spencer.” You tell him gently.
“Goodnight, sunshine.” There’s a second of warm silence as you savor the sound of each other’s quiet breathing, and then you both hang up the call.
Standing up from where you’d been sitting on the bathroom floor, you take another deep breath before reaching for the door handle. Walking through a house that isn’t yours, into a living room where the sound of snoring from the couch makes you want to tear your hair out, past a kitchen where a cheap measly pile of four red roses lie limp on the counter with a post-it note in place of any kind of meaningful card, up the staircase where framed photographs filled with eyes that aren’t on your side stare down at you judgmentally, until you’re safely confined in the bedroom you feel doomed to. Crawling into your side of the bed, you adjust the pillows that occupy the other side, filling the space in a shape long enough to resemble the shape of someone under your bedcovers. And with Spencer’s voice still in your ears wishing you a good night, you close your eyes and drift off to sleep.
Meanwhile, Spencer adjusts his alarm clock to wake him an hour earlier than necessary, and awakens from a peaceful slumber with a determined mission in mind. Once his normal morning routine is complete, instead of driving to the office, he drives to his preferred florist, who greets him with a knowing smile when Spencer walks in.
“Another dozen?” The florist guesses.
“Please.” Spencer nods, smiling politely.
Retrieving his wallet from his back pocket, Spencer pays for the flowers and graciously thanks the florist, taking the flowers and then leaving the establishment to return to his car. He drives back home, placing the dozen flowers in a glass vase that he keeps pristine for this very purpose, with the perfect level of water for optimal growth for this specific species of flower. Very carefully, Spencer inspects them until he determines which has the prettiest bloom today, and that is the one he elects to remove from the vase, carefully securing its stem in seran wrap and placing it in the pocket of his suit jacket, then continuing on his normal journey into work.
Purposely, Spencer arrives earlier than the rest of the team, so that he can execute his plan without interruptions. From the staff kitchen, he chooses the most elegant looking glass he can find and again pours the perfect level of water - this time for just one flower, specifically - unwrapping the single bloom in his suit jacket and setting in the glass. He then walks to your desk and positions it in an aesthetically pleasing location, but already knows it is not enough. The picture is not complete. It must be perfect for you. Briefly visiting his own desk, Spencer opens the drawer to take a piece of his own parchment paper, from which he cuts a small section that he then folds in half. On what appears to be the front of the folded piece, he maps out a constellation in a dot-to-dot sketch, then inside the fold of paper, he writes the story behind it. After several attempts, Spencer finds the perfect angle at which to place the folded piece of paper next to the flower on the desk, and only then does he return to his usual morning routine of making himself a coffee in the staff kitchen. Counting down the minutes.
By the time you get to the office, you’ve pushed the thoughts of your home from your mind and have a bright smile on your face, looking forward to a day spent working with your friends and not thinking about-
“(Y/N)! I just saw! He got you roses! That’s SO cute! You have, like, the best boyfriend!” Penelope squeals as she runs up to you the very second you walk through the glass doors of the bullpen.
Your heart sinks and your eyebrows furrow.
“You saw?”
Penelope nods excitedly, gesturing to her phone, where she shows you the post your boyfriend had made on social media: a picture he had taken of the four red roses he’d bought you that he filtered to high heaven to make them look more grand than they were, with a caption that said ‘happy four and many more, babe x’. If it weren’t for the sake of keeping your business private - something he clearly cares for about as much as he does you - you’d scoff.
“Oh, yeah. Must’ve missed that he posted that.” You plaster a smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, walking side by side with Penelope towards your desk.
“It was your four year anniversary, right? Did you do anything fancy?” She’s giddy on your behalf.
“No, just had a quiet night in.” You provide an excuse, the most generous blanket statement you could have given to the shambles that were your boyfriend’s anniversary plans.
Your dejectedness, however, is abruptly cut short when your gaze lands on your desk. A single bloom of your favorite flower, with a neatly folded handwritten note of a constellation placed next to it. In a microsecond, you’re turning to where Spencer sits at his desk, hiding his smirk behind his cup of coffee.
“You didn’t!” You feign chastisement, but your giddiness is obvious.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer shrugs, his smile as obvious as yours is.
You’re practically bouncing on the spot when you bring the little glass and the delicate flower within to your face to breathe in the sweet scent.
“These aren’t even in season anymore, Spencer, how did you-“
The question is cut short by a magician who never reveals his secrets.
“I played no part in this, but perhaps someone happens to know somebody else who is equipped to grow them on request.” There’s a teasing lilt to his otherwise matter-of-fact tone, and you are shaking your head in absolute disbelief.
Setting the glass back down on your desk, you pick up the constellation, admiring it carefully before folding it and placing it in your desk drawer, in amongst another 30-something hand drawn constellations. The smile is still lingering on your face when you sit down at your desk, and from where Spencer sits at his, his chest feels warm. So much joy from you at the cost of only an hour’s less sleep and a few more dollars than the asking price of your favorite flowers. Perhaps, tonight you won’t call him trying to hide that you’d been crying again, he hopes. Whether that comes to fruition or not, he has another eleven blooms waiting in his apartment to gift you at random intervals to surprise you and keep your tears at bay for as long as he can, without you ever telling him there was a chance of them falling. He knows.
For the rest of the day, Spencer catches you glancing at the flower on your desk while you work through various reports and paperwork, an almost shy smile lighting up your face every time you see it there.
It’s only when the team begins packing up for the day that Spencer thinks to look into what Penelope had referenced that morning- a post of some kind? Easily enough, Spencer finds your boyfriend’s social media on his computer, and what he discovers makes him borderline violent. Four years together, encompassed by four measly roses and what you called a ‘quiet night in’ that was so beyond underwhelming you ended your evening by calling Spencer from your bathroom. A celebration of that scale warranted only four red roses, while the mere hint you’d been crying was enough for Spencer to visit the florist he pays specifically to keep growing your favorite flowers for you, to buy another dozen that he intends to deliver to you one by one at irregular intervals. Still, it isn’t Spencer’s job to compensate for what is clearly absent from your relationship; at least, not consciously.
“Babe!” A voice calls out that has Spencer using every ounce of strength he possesses to withhold from rolling his eyes. Shutting down his computer, he stands from his desk just in time to see your expression fall where you pack away your things at your own desk.
Turning to face your boyfriend, you give him a tight-lipped smile.
“Hey, what’re you doing here?” You ask shortly.
Excellent question, Spencer thinks.
“Just came to surprise you and drive you home!” Your boyfriend exclaims like it’s some kind of achievement, opening his arms in a big gesture as he approaches your desk.
How considerate, ambushing you at your workplace under the guise of it being a nice surprise, Spencer scoffs internally, deliberately slowing the pace at which he readies his satchel to leave the office.
“Oh. Thanks.” You don’t know what else to say. “I’ll be ready in a second.” You add, feeling like you’re defaulting to basic lines of dialogue to avoid awkward silences.
“Great!” Your boyfriend exclaims, looking around the bullpen like he’s never seen the place before - he has, twice, and Spencer wishes his eidetic memory would allow him to erase the memory of your discomfort during both instances - until his eyes land on a face he recognises, and he grins.
“Spencer! My man!” Your boyfriend yells, and your eyes widen as you watch him walk right over to Spencer and pull him into a bro-hug that immediately has Spencer rigidly uncomfortable.
“I’ve told you-“ You implore, shooting Spencer an apologetic and pleading look before your boyfriend starts talking over you.
“Oh yeah! Sorry, man, forgot you’re weird about touching people.” He laughs, throwing his hands up in mock surrender.
You scowl, parting your lips to bite his head off, but Spencer steps in to prevent you from saying something that’ll only cause more arguments for you when you go home.
“I have an acute awareness and disliking towards unfamiliar germs and contact.” Spencer corrects your boyfriend firmly, aware that only you and him realize what he means by a germ in this context.
“Yeah, man, no worries.” Your boyfriend laughs, like he’s the funniest man in the world to himself. “Ready to go, babe?” He asks you.
“Mhmm.” Another tight-lipped smile, and that’s apparently convincing enough for your boyfriend, who wraps an arm around your waist in a careless action rather than something that should be treasured, and would be treasured by the man you look over your shoulder to give one last apologetic expression to.
That is, until Emily steps out of her office and calls over to you, “Don’t forget about Rossi’s party!”
And you literally wince.
“A party?! Oh man! Can’t wait! Thanks, Emmers!” Your boyfriend answers for you, regarding a party you had deliberately neglected to mention to him, and then he’s all but dragging you out of the office.
Once out of earshot, Spencer actually does scoff.
“Emmers?” Emily asks him with a frown from where she stands on the raised walkway, leaning on the railing.
“A shocking breach of social etiquette to assume a nickname for someone he barely knows.” Spencer clarifies, to which Emily nods.
“You still not coming to Rossi’s tonight?” She elects to ask him, a smile curling at the corner of her mouth.
Spencer sighs heavily. He looks down at his desk, then lifts his head to look over at the elevator doors closing, snatching the view of you away. He knows what will happen tonight. He knows.
The mirror stares back at him. If someone told Spencer a year ago that he’d be attending a work related get together he’d initially rejected the invitation of but went back on himself solely in the hopes that his suit of choice would impress a coworker just over half his age who has a boyfriend, Spencer would have walked right out of prison and requested a psych eval. Still, the thought at the forefront of his mind is that 6 months and 8 days ago he had worn an all-black suit on a case that you had complimented. It is a foolish dream to think you would compliment him for it again, but for you, Doctor Spencer Reid is a proud fool.
Much to your own embarrassment, you and your boyfriend knock at Rossi’s door an hour late, and based on your expression it is not difficult for Spencer to deduce it’s not your fault. Or, it wouldn’t have been difficult if his brain hadn’t short-circuited at the sight of you wearing a thin strapped, floor length purple silk dress that hugged your every curve to the extent that when Spencer rose from his seat in a gentlemanly gesture at your entrance, his knees very nearly buckled beneath him to a position of worship. Your boyfriend’s arm is careless around your waist again, and he drops it not to pull your chair out for you at the table, but to bro-hug David Rossi, who looks at him like he spat in his bowl of pasta. In your disgruntled state, it takes you a second to acknowledge that Spencer is standing, and in between greeting the rest of the team, your eyes continually flit back to him, his heart skipping a beat each and every time in a way that only further convinces him he is in the midst of a medical emergency. Finally, your gaze lingers on him, and he doesn’t waste the opportunity.
“Can I get you a drink? Rossi’s minibar has some of your favorites.” Spencer gestures with the hand not holding his own drink, and without so much as looking to your plus one, you nod and walk around the table.
His large hand ghosts the small of your back, fingers flexing, but he doesn’t allow himself to make contact until he counts the microseconds to cross the distance that takes you both away from every other pair of eyes in this house. The heat of Spencer’s fingertips meet the purple silk of your dress, barely there, but oh, do you feel it.
Once safely standing at the minibar, Spencer only needs to watch your face to see which bottle your eyes light up at, and as soon as he notices, he pours you a glass without you having to ask. In a gesture that feels like a secret, the two of you clink your glasses together and lock eyes to take a simultaneous sip.
“Nice suit.” You nod at Spencer, a shy smile forming behind your glass.
“Thank you.” He tries not to choke on his drink, then nods back at you. “Pretty dress.”
You have to bite your lip to prevent your smile from growing any bigger.
“Thank you. The color reminded me of your scarf.” You remark quietly, and if you weren’t a profiler, you probably wouldn’t notice the almost imperceptible widening of Spencer’s eyes at your words.
“It is a similar shade.” He agrees, his heart in his throat.
Comfortable silence settles between you. Eyes locked, nursing your drinks, your free hands hanging idly at your sides. Standing just a little too close. Fingers almost touching.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” You say eventually.
Spencer shakes his head dismissively. “I appreciate it, but his oversights aren’t your responsibility.” Or your burden, he so badly wants to add.
You sigh. “If he overstepped the boundaries of a guy who was less of a man than you, he could’ve got his face caved in.”
And what a shame that would have been, Spencer muses in his own mind.
“I didn’t escalate the situation, but not because I’m a man- because it wasn’t a worthy cause.” He amends.
“So if there was a worthy cause, you’d have clocked him?” You giggle at the idea.
“Possibly.” Definitely, Spencer smirks.
“What constitutes a worthy cause in the mind of Doctor Spencer Reid?” You tease, tilting your head to look up at him with a curious twinkle in your eyes.
“If he made you cry.” Spencer chooses his words very carefully, and inspects every micro expression on your face in response.
Because your boyfriend has made you cry, you know that, and you know Spencer knows too, despite the fact you haven’t ever stated as such. He knows. All you’d have to do is say the word, and Spencer would walk right back into the dining room, grab your boyfriend by his collar in front of the entire team, drag him outside and beat him to a pulp in the street.
If Spencer wasn’t a profiler, he probably wouldn’t notice the almost imperceptible widening of your eyes at his words.
“Babe! There you are! Rossi’s served us up a couple plates of something with a name I can’t pronounce- Spencer! Hey, man!” Your boyfriend’s agitating, grating voice cuts into the peaceful bubble you and Spencer had been existing in.
Sharing an equally irritated glance, you both turn to face him.
“Linguine alla Puttanesca.” Spencer drawls.
“Yeah, something like that, for sure!” Your boyfriend laughs, loudly, and without you saying a word, his arm is thrown around your waist again, stealing you from Spencer - who trails behind with a scowl fixed on your boyfriend’s arm - and returning to the dining room.
At the table, you sit opposite Spencer, with your boyfriend sitting on your left. You’re grateful for the casual conversation in the room taking his attention away from you for the most part, allowing you the peace of eating without him saying something that makes you want to vomit.
“Been thinking of getting some sleeping pills myself, not been sleeping too good on the couch!”
Nevermind.
Your eyes close in a pained blink, and you lift your napkin with an unnecessarily firm grip to wipe at your mouth.
“Oh. You’ve not got…comfy cushions?” Penelope tries to save the conversation, but the awkward silence has already descended upon the table at your boyfriend’s blatant overshading at your expense.
“Nope, barely been sleeping a wink! I miss my own bed, I’ll tell you that!” Your boyfriend laughs.
Setting your napkin down, you keep your gaze fixed on your half empty plate. You can feel eyes on you. Everywhere.
“A dinner party with your partner’s friends is not the social setting for discussing your relationship.” Spencer quips, releasing enough tension in your chest to allow you a breath.
“Don’t worry, bro, she doesn’t mind!” Your boyfriend nudges you with his arm, and you are rigid.
“Nobody at this table requires a profiling skillset to determine that (Y/N) does mind.” Spencer’s protective nature is bristling.
“Oh yeah, bet you profilers can just look and tell exactly what her problem is, huh?!” Your boyfriend laughs. “Go on, guess!” He demands of the table, like he’s prepping a joke with the greatest punchline in human history.
The table is silent. You close your eyes in a pained blink, begging any god that may exist, please, please-
“She won’t sleep with me!” Your boyfriend roars with laughter, and time slows to an agonizing halt.
The only accompanying sounds are cutlery clattering against plates, then two chairs scraping against the floor.
“That’s enough. Get out.” Rossi points at the door.
“With pleasure.” Spencer’s tone is cool as ice. In a fraction of a second, he rounds the table, grabs your boyfriend by his collar and drags him out of Rossi’s dining room, to the front door.
While the rest of the team crowd around you to check you’re okay, you’re shaking your hand and scrambling to stand, running outside. Spencer’s fists grip your boyfriend’s collar, pinning him to the side of his car.
“-and if I ever find you within a five mile radius of her, I’ll ruin your life without breaking a single law.” He seethes.
“She’s barely even my girlfriend, man, she doesn’t even put out! You can have her!” Your ex boyfriend holds his hands up in surrender while signing his own death warrant.
Spencer’s right hook sends him hurtling against the sidewalk, and Spencer is on him in the blink of an eye. Trapping him under his legs, Spencer delivers punch after punch, hearing bones crack with the force but only seeing red, until Rossi and Luke physically pull him off, and even then he tries to fight past them to carry on.
“Kid, kid, take a breath- you got him!” Rossi gently pats Spencer’s back, and with wide eyes like a deer in headlights, you appear in front of him.
“Spencer.” You breathe his name with an unnamed emotion, reaching up to cup his face in your hands, and his glazed over eyes that hadn’t been able to look anywhere but the bloody mess on sidewalk, find you in an instant.
Emily is already calling in some favors with the local police department to get this resolved with minimal assault charges, if possible.
“C’mon, inside.” You tell Spencer gently, taking one of his trembling, bloody hands in yours and guiding him back into Rossi’s house.
Taking him past the dining room, you find the kitchen and lead Spencer to lean against the empty counter beside the sink. Very carefully, you hold both of his hands under the cold water to wash them free of blood. It doesn’t take you long to realize the blood doesn’t just come from your ex-boyfriend. He’s running on adrenaline, breathing heavily, half watching you and half watching the doorway, as if expecting someone else to walk in that he has to take out to protect you.
Once his hands are as clean as you can get them, you retrieve some ice packs from Rossi’s freezer and hold them to Spencer’s swollen, bloody knuckles. You can’t look away from them.
“Are you in any pain yet?” You ask in a small voice.
“None.” Spencer answers sharply, gaze fixed on the doorway now because he can keep you in his peripheral vision, mind locked in fight or flight mode with an obvious winner.
“This is all my fault, Spencer, I’m so sorry- if I’d have broken up with him…” Your forehead drops to Spencer’s chest, pressing against the fabric of his black tie.
Those words catch him so off guard that he falters, and then frowns.
“None of this is in any way your fault.” Spencer states bluntly.
“If I’d broken up with him already, he wouldn’t have been here, wouldn’t have said those things in front of y- Spencer!” You cut yourself off when your reminder of what your ex had said has Spencer trying to move past you to go back outside and start right where he left off, having no choice but to grab his arm in an effort to stop him.
Realistically, you are not strong enough to hold Spencer in place. If he wanted to, he could push past you easily, but your hand on him could disarm a nuclear bomb if he was its power source.
“Don’t. Please. Stay.” You plead.
Like you ever have to ask.
Spencer settles back against the counter, one of his cold, bloody hands lifting to cup the back of your head, tilting your forehead back to his chest hold you there.
“By the same token, I could have prevented this, had I said what’s been unsaid.” Spencer murmurs into your hair.
“That’s way less fair than the point I made.” You remark, which has him smirking against the top of your head.
“Don’t get smart with me when I’m running on adrenaline.” Spencer warns playfully.
“Don’t get flirty when you just beat a guy to a pulp for disrespecting me.” You counter, causing him to scoff quietly.
“That reminds me, I must amend a previous statement.” Spencer says, and you can’t resist tilting your head back to look up at him, his hands immediately shaking free of their icepacks to cup your cheeks.
“Mhmm?” You press.
“I said all it would take for me to clock him would be him making you cry, this has proven to be incorrect. Based on my actions tonight, I can safely say if he made you cry, I would kill him.” Spencer speaks with a tone so soft you’d think he was complimenting you, his thumbs caressing your cheeks so tenderly while he threatens your ex’s very life.
“Wow. Big words for a man who hasn’t even taken me out on a first date.” You smirk.
“Moving a little fast, aren’t we, sunshine?” Spencer quips teasingly, his own smirk forming.
“A year of tiptoeing around each other while I was in a relationship is only moving a little fast by the standards of the romance novels you read, Doc.” You joke.
“Touché.” Spencer laughs fondly down at you. “Does this mean I can finally attempt to court you, fair lady?”
Butterflies that he singlehandedly commands, fly free in your stomach.
“I’d say so.” You answer softly, and Spencer breathes the deepest sigh of relief.
He leans down to rest his forehead against yours, ever so gently bumping his nose to yours in the most tender gesture of affection.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer whispers, his breath fanning your lips.
“Anything.” You murmur.
Spencer smiles at the breathlessness he can already hear in your voice, solely caused by his proximity. Time slows to the most beautiful halt as he leans in, leaving the softest kiss at the corner of your mouth, barely even touching your lips.
“It was me who left a flower on your desk.”
966 notes · View notes
grimm-writings · 8 months ago
Note
Hi there!
I'd like to request something for the Laios party x reader where reader licks rocks like how archaeologists sometimes do to determine if it's a rock or a fossil. They just won't stop licking stuff. One moment you are just having a chat and walking side by side and the next reader grabs a rock and licks it. How would they react to their crush licking things that are certainly not food?
Tumblr media
“stop licking the damn thing!”
…ft! touden party x gn! reader, platonic izutsumi & reader
…tags! fluff, some crack, headcanon format, grimm doesn't know shit about rocks
…wc! 342 ; 400 ; 405 ; 344 ; 303 = 1794
…notes! this ask enraptured me i had to complete it posthaste. i’m not an expert in archeology or geology, but i hope you enjoy! 
Tumblr media
Laios
“Ooh, can I have a lick?”
His ass does NOT give a fuck.
You could do anything and he wouldn’t be fazed I’m dead serious.
Honestly, once you do it in front of him he’d steer the conversation towards your study and how you figure out each time what is a rock and what is a fossil.
He may not fully take in all the information you give him.  This isn’t a topic he’s admittedly too interested in.
Honestly he’d probably take up some of your advice and see if he tastes monster he can figure out certain things about it.  Considering most monsters are made of raw meat, he has to be held back by your fellow partymates.
Someone (Chilchuck) usually has to encourage you to not “enable his behaviours.”
Overall, Laios simply does not judge!  He’s open and welcoming, and will even take part in your study with you!
(It’s an added bonus that he really likes how you explain things to him…)
Almost like an eager dog, Laios leans over your shoulder to look at the stone in your hand.  Prepared to explain yourself, like usual, you take a breath. “May I?” he interrupts you.  You still for a second.  Does he mean…? You slowly lift the rock up to the taller man behind you.  You don’t have any words as he leans down to give a small lick. You’re almost flattered from how open he is to it. At the taste, Laios’ eyebrows furrow, and he seems to seriously try to dissect the flavour.  He hums and tilts his head to you.  “Salty?” “Yeah,” you reply, slowly growing a bit more comfortable as you get an excuse to talk about your study, “so that means this rock might contain evaporite minerals.” Laios smiles slightly, leaning back to his full height to converse with you in a more casual position.  “Which are?” Your conversation continues, with Laios taking mental notes that he’ll hopefully remember for later next time he comes across a monster. Maybe if you find a gargoyle…
Tumblr media
Marcille
Sorry she is so judgemental.
You are so lucky she likes you or else she’ll loudly give her opinion on how gross it is.
Well, that is until she learns the context as to why.
She’ll still be a little bit unsure, wondering if it’s proper conduct at all.
Marcille is trying her best, she really is, but you can’t just end a conversation so suddenly because you saw a rock, licked it in front of her, and said “hm… sedimentary.”
She wonders every day what she did to deserve such an… interesting taste in crushes. 
Though, like all things, give Marcille some time and she’ll warm up to your habits a bit more.  It may even be that she’ll be wondering about her study of the dungeon, running her hand along the wall, and thinking that she could call out to you to taste the wall and tell her the material.
She may not try out the method herself, but she’ll at least tolerate how you do it.  There’s a science behind it, after all…
Marcille stares as you lick your lips and hum to yourself.  Her mouth is a thin line and she’s trying her best not to come out with a disapproving comment. “Any… interesting findings…?”  She stiffly asks instead, gripping Ambrosia as if you’ll try licking her to figure out the levels of Mana too.  You can never be too cautious, even if she is only made out of wood. You smile at Marcille, either blissfully unaware of her austerity or pretending to be.  You hold up the stone in your hand and outline something with your finger.  “I think if we break this, we might find some fossils inside it.  You can keep it for your research if you want.” Marcille’s ears perk up slightly at that.  “For… me?”  She asks aloud, as if there’s anyone else who’d be interested in dungeon rocks.  As soon as she processes it she’s flushed and avoiding eye contact.  “I mean, this is your field of study, not mine!  I couldn’t possibly…” But you take her hands in your own, and place the fossil in her palm.  Marcille’s breath hitches when you take her fingers and fold them over the stone. “I trust you to come up with something.”  You beam at the elf, and she thinks that she might just have to take a chance in your skills.
Tumblr media
Chilchuck
Not exactly open to it, not entirely critical about it either…
…But you will get a bit of a look whenever you do it.
He might be more the kind to make sure you aren’t outright doing it at stupid moments.  You better not get any ideas looking at those statues!
Sometimes you’ll be about to hold the stone up to your mouth, and right when your tongue is about to touch it, you’ll hear Chilchuck sigh a “don’t.”
Honestly this guy is treating you like a dog with something it shouldn’t have in its mouth.  Don’t worry, worrying and fretting is how he shows his love.
Even if he doesn’t like admitting to it…
If you try to explain how licking things helps in your study, Chil is inclined to raise his eyebrow and say that your field must be full of weirdos.
Then again, he’s the one who likes you so maybe he shouldn’t be too harsh…
He’s willing to let you do what you need to do but that doesn’t mean you’re free from his scathing commentary.
Crouched down, you analyse some rock in front of you.  It stands out a fair bit from most of the other geodes down here.  What could it be…? You lean in, your tongue grazing the stone slightly, and you lick.  The tip of your tongue familiarises itself with the taste.  Maybe metamorphic…? “Are you serious?”  You freeze at the sound of Chilchuck’s boyish voice.  On your hands and knees licking rocks isn’t exactly the ideal position to be judged in, even as you turn to look at the half-foot, arms crossed.  “Senshi is in the middle of cooking, no need to resort to eating rocks.” You roll your eyes.  You’re used to how Chilchuck treats your study at this point.  “I was just curious.” Chilchuck scoffs, walking up to pull you by the back of your collar up onto your feet again, which you do with some coercion.  “Yeah sure,” he says, “just wanna confirm you haven’t completely lost your marbles yet.” You look up at him, and squint.  Holding back a laugh, you mutter, “was that…?” “No, it wasn’t a dad joke,”  Chilchuck sighs, leaving you to your devices again.  “Just don’t do anything stupid when no one’s watching.” He hopes even as you giggle and confirm, you won’t notice the bright blush blooming on Chilchuck’s cheeks and tips of his ears.  How embarrassing…
Tumblr media
Senshi
Also winning the dgaf war I fear.
He’d watch you lick some of the rocks you had picked out from your travels while resting.
It comes as no surprise that it then crosses his mind if the flavour changes when cooked, which he asks if he can do with some of your selection.
You can use your imagination on how Marcille and Chilchuck reacted when told that today’s dinner is … just rocks.
(Laios is disappointed that it isn’t any cool monster rocks.)
One delightful montage later, and ‘tis finished!  Since they are for your research, Senshi insists you have the first bite.
Crunch… and oh, such unique flavours!
You gush to Senshi about how this is a major breakthrough in how different minerals react to cooking conditions, and he gives you his observations too.
Honestly, just sort of wholesome bonding!
“Aye, this one cooked easily, while this one took plenty more time.” You nod eagerly as you watch Senshi point to two different stones.  “That’s because one is an igneous rock, which is magmatic.  The other is a sedimentary rock, which carries different minerals from lakes and oceans.  Separation in cooking must have resulted in different reactions!  I wonder how different metamorphic rocks would react…” As you mumble to yourself, Senshi happily continues his meal-making, occasionally responding back to you with hums and comments about what else each observed in his experimentation. Even when you had finished up your meal entirely, you thanked Senshi with the widest grin on your face.  He couldn’t help but be just a little flattered when you go on to joke that you should bring him home with you so he can help with your research. In return, Senshi listens to you, and hangs on your every word as you explain your findings to him.  Even if not too nutritious of a meal, the minerals from the rocks provide some calcium and other such buffs! And well…  If he can keep that happiness prolonged with his cooking, then he’s doing a very good job providing for you indeed!
Tumblr media
Izutsumi
“Why are you eating rocks?  Looks gross.”
Make way for the #1 hater…
Izutsumi refuses to listen to any such rationalities you make about your study or why you lick rocks (even though she’s the one who asked), she’s still finding it icky and weird.
You’d have to fight fire with fire when it comes to her, you’ll question why she does some habits she does in return – such as licking her hand.
She’ll look at you like you’re stupid, before telling you that it’s a way for her to clean herself and notice if there’s anything caught in her fur.
“Ah, so like how I would lick rocks to identify anything embedded in them too!”
…How dare you try to rationalise yourself with her own logic, heathen.
Jail for reader.  Jail for 1000 years.
She’s not one to so readily accept other people’s weird quirks, but eventually she has to find that she’ll look stupid if she doesn’t…  It’s a bit of a dirty scheme, but it works.
“Come on, Izu, just give it a try!  I promise it just tastes like water.” “What kinda water?!”  She shoots back. You pause.  “W…Water?” This is how the argument between whether or not water has a flavour comes to be.  Izutsumi insists that some water tastes icky while others taste nice.  You have to explain that this pure water simply doesn’t have a taste.  She doesn’t believe you. In fact, Izutsumi makes you give the sedimentary stone another taste before affirming, it just tastes like water.  She’s about to grab your shoulders and shake you.  What kind of water?! It takes plenty of encouragement and an immediate failsafe orange juice Senshi squeezed out for her to ‘get rid of’ the taste when you get Izutsumi to taste the stone. She still hasn’t forgiven you… 
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
amazinglyashy · 13 days ago
Note
HI I LOVE ur lads headcanons ‼️ idk if u do angst but im feeling some angsty/hurt/comfort........... can i pls request the lads men's reaction to the reader rejecting their confession bc we think they deserve better...... someone who doesn't have a heart condition (like the mc) or something........
Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! And oh man, I love angst and hurt/comfort, as long as I get to give it a tiny bit of hope/a happy ending! I felt this one though, I've thought about it before with my own MC…….. a few dozen times- Hope you enjoy, and thank you for the request! <3
Tumblr media
Love and Deepspace Li’s reactions to you rejecting their confession due to feelings of inadequacy
Tumblr media
Rafayel -
Rafayel is… surprised, to say the least.
Not only do you not have any memory of him or the things you did together- the things you did to him- but you also are straight up turning him down when he finally realized that he needs to confess to you all over again.
He's pretty upset.
It'll definitely turn into an argument, and you know he's hurt. Damn, you're hurt too, just having to turn him down. He makes you feel something, like you're special. Like you're everything to him. Like you're not…
Broken.
And it'll come out eventually. Maybe not blatantly so, but in small ways, your feelings of inadequacy will start to leak through the cracks that are forming in your resolve as you try to refuse a man who has already been refused his love by fate and prophecy for far too long.
And somehow, that makes it so much worse. Because he can fight fate, he can go against the currents of time and the ever evolving cruelty of human nature. But he can't do anything about the feelings raging inside your own head.
He's sure going to try though.
Angrily but calmly, he will start firing off things he has done for you, just because he's loved you so much, throughout all of your time together and even before. He doesn't know if it'll make it worse, make you feel like he already does too much for whatever it is you see yourself as, but he's going to do it anyway. And slowly, it'll start forming into the things you two do together- the things you've done for him when he needs you.
And you're going to be there a while, because until you start to realize, until he starts to chip away at that dark feeling in the deepest reaches of your mind and heart, he's not going to let up.
Not now, not ever.
Sylus -
He's a bit taken aback, but he's not particularly surprised. He had seen this coming, mentally prepared himself for it, even. He knew after his treatment of you when the two of you had just met again for the first time, that any sort of official relationship between you two would be tricky to get to. Especially putting an actual label on it.
He'll be a lot more surprised when he reads between the lines at your words, and realizes it's not because you're still scared of him, but because you don't think you're good enough for him.
"You can't be serious, sweetie."
He's not going to force you to accept his confession, but regardless of how timid or aggressive you become, whether you escalate it vocally or try to exit the conversation, he's not arguing with you. He pretty much refuses to, as he instead begins to state snarky facts as he crosses his arms, watching your reactions as he does.
"When you patched my wounds a month ago, was I not deserving of your hands caring for me because they were shaky and belonging to you? How about that girl you muttered about that we saw at the café who was mad at her boyfriend to the point of shouting, when he didn't get her the right cake she wanted? Are you saying you're worse than her? Helping me on jobs simply because you want to exist near me is… not good enough for me?"
"Sylus, that's not what I'm saying-"
"Oh don't worry sweetie. I know exactly what it is you're saying. I just know it's a particularly misinformed, self loathing thought for you to be having. Don't you think it's insulting for you to decide who I give my love to? After every calculated decision you have witnessed me make?"
He'll finally soften, reaching out a hand to gently rest on the side of your neck, his thumb brushing against your cheek in a gentle back and forth.
"You don't need to be concerning yourself with what I deserve in a partner. You should have faith in my opinions, if not for yourself, but for your confidence in me, sweetie. After that, the rest is up to what you truly want in your heart."
Zayne -
His reaction is definitely the most reserved initially, especially until he realizes why exactly you're turning him down.
He definitely has the passing thought that maybe you're just misunderstanding him again, just like back with the snow seals when the two of you were still kids.
When he realizes that's not the case, and instead, it's your own internalized feelings, he's first a bit relieved, and secondly- pretty perturbed.
"It's interesting to know that's your perspective, given how much you enjoy those fictional stories with ironic pairings. I would think that it would be the most romantic thing for a heart patient to be in a relationship with a cardiac surgeon.
His biting but well-meaning quips aside, he's not quite sure how to break it to you that he used to be in a similar boat, and still is to some capacity. Which is partly why he's a bit upset to understand your perspective.
He's genuinely surprised you haven't processed the timeline of the two of you and your lives. Your accident that caused the state of your heart, his leaving to study medicine and become a specialist in cardiology and a renowned cardiac surgeon- are you not able to see that it's not an inadequacy for him, but his own lack of knowledge when you first started having issues made himself feel inadequate? Why he left without a word for years in the first place?
And not just that- it also applies to other fields too. He has no issues helping you where you need him, because he knows the extent of your capabilities, much like he knows his own. And he will spend forever if he needs to, to show you that loving is not about who does more. It's about doing what your partner needs, no matter how much or how little that is, and loving each other through every hard moment.
And you're about to hear every ounce of his convincing, opinions, and own feelings, until you start to see. Until you finally see.
Xavier -
Unless you tell it to him straight, he's not going to know why you rejected him. He'll be hurt, but he'll accept your rejection graciously and politely, before trying to figure out just how to get you to accept it.
There's an increase in claw machine dates, movie night invitations, and how much he helps you with missions or even just around your apartment. Eventually, you process the weird behavior and you're all but forced to confront him on really truly why you rejected him.
It's Xavier, so you try to play it off as a lighthearted situation or a joke, but you can see his expression darkening, and you're not sure if it's because of him being upset at your words, or realizing just how much time he has sunk into you with how... broken of a person you are.
Turns out, it's the former!
It's hard to not realize such, as he's pulling you into the tightest hug he's probably ever grabbed you into.
For a while, it's just you and him standing there, with him squeezing you tightly and you not knowing what to do with your hands or the lump rising in the back of your throat. He doesn't really know what to say, but he does know he needs to say something.
"I'll definitely make you see that you're more than enough for me."
"Xavier- that's not how this work-"
"I know, and I don't care. I- I need you to know that you're everything to me. You're not inadequate, or broken, or anything you've been telling yourself. You're more than enough. You're more than everything to me. And I'm not going anywhere until you finally understand that."
569 notes · View notes
shiny-jr · 8 months ago
Note
Hi! I noticed that your requests were open and I love the way you write Malleus so I was hoping you would do yandere malleus x reader. where the reader knows twisted wonderland is a game (but not imposter au pls) and after they got isekia'd are trying to stop the overblots from happening and malleus is just terrified for them. Idk just an idea I've had for awhile but never found a fanfic like lol. Obviously it's totally fine if you don't want to do it or if I accidentally broke a rule. Anyway remember to drink some water and take a break if needed! Have a amazing rest of your day/night!!
Warning: Yandere (not really, not at all). Gender-neutral reader.
Characters: Malleus Draconia.
Summary: MC sees affection meters and it's not good.
Note: These are mainly thoughts and random words my mind spewed out.  
Tumblr media
How did one claim victory at a game? Well, it entirely depended on the game, the mechanics and the options. It should've been impossible to lose a mobile game that was primarily composed of the gacha mechanism and visual novels.
When you suddenly found yourself in the series of twisted villains in a prestigious school of magic, you found that it was much more complex than it appeared on screen. Especially when only you could see these small bars occasionally floating above people's heads. Bars which you recognized as affection meters, nearly all of them stagnant at a dull gray 0% when you first arrived. This was the hurdle blocking your way to an easy victory. Because how else were you to escape the game, other than complete it?
Situations became messier, when you didn't have a dialogue options between two mere choices. Add making good impressions and keeping a character's favor, to the list of quests alongside avoiding death by inky overblotted characters. By some miracle, you had increased the affection of the characters you met and interacted with to a healthy 5% or 10%, sometimes more. At any cost you wished to avoid getting in the negatives, because you did not want to find out what would happen then.
Sometimes, the numbers would drop dangerously close to zero, mainly when an overblot was occuring. Never had you realized how the visual novel failed spectacularly at portraying the utter horror of the overblotted in all their wicked glory. The black inky darkness leaking from them like tears or blood with those crazed unhinged looks in their eyes–– was the stuff of pure nightmares.
And yet the one whose overblot you had been dreading the most, the dorm leader of Diasomnia, was surprisingly docile as you dealt with others. However, you knew even when conversing with him, that you would one day witness him overblot and look like some ethereal but deadly fallen angel. So mentally you prepared yourself, while taking on the task of keeping up appearances.
Malleus' affection meter, was a good 20% and a friendly pink shade, quite the accomplishment you were proud of, considering the majority of the cast wasn't even at 15%. The Draconia heir was certainly someone you never wanted to see reach below zero, so you did your absolute best to appeal to him, even if he was quite intimidating at first with the way he stoically watched you complain about the least of your worries, homework and classes.
By the time you spoke to him about your troubles with the Ramshackle dorm and Azul, during what you knew was the Octavinelle arc, the prince's affection had sprouted to a 22%. When you went into more detail of the potential loss you could face, it went to 23%.
The next time you saw him, you were weary and antsy since witnessing Azul's break-down. If the blot of his tears had the magic to gather, it would've been enough to drown, you were sure of it. Even by that maniac look in his eyes, you're sure he would've purposely drowned you if he got close enough.
Throughout that charlatan's chapter, his affection meter had slowly been rising, dropping during the overblot like the tides only to rise once again by the end to a good 45%. This was good!
But no matter how much you may have pondered, strategized, or try to predict each next action, you could've never guessed that the next time you saw Malleus after Azul's overblot, his expression taut with concern, his affection meter had made a jump to 55% and turned red. This entire time you had been avoiding the negatives, but you never once worried of the dangers and implications a red affection meter above 50% would mean for you. Or heaven forbid, anything close to 100%.
1K notes · View notes
galene-gothic · 3 months ago
Text
𝖶𝗁𝗈 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
Tumblr media
Today we'll take a look at:
- your surface level personality/image
- your inner world
- your soul energy
Tumblr media
︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱
꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱
You seem to be struggling a lot and even others can see it or at least that’s your image. People think that you have an unwelcome community or no community at all. Even if you have friends, they could leave you out or you feel that way, or others can witness it or this is something of the past. You may feel a strong need for a sense of belonging which could lead to you overextending and being very welcoming, and gullible. However, despite this, you seem to be a bit isolated and seem to need solitude. You seem to be pretty comfortable with being by yourself. You definitely have those who think you are ‘all talk, no action’. People think that you’re judgmental and also have a tendency to overthink, that you have a tendency to overanalyse situations and people. There are people who think that you have unrealistic ideas without much planning or preparation. All of this may have been discouraging to hear but one thing is that you’re not perceived the way you actually are and that is okay, you are currently waiting for some sort of change but you’ve learned how to be patient by now. It’s not like you’re ‘all talk, no action’, you’re just patient and taking things one step at a time. You have learned how to go with the flow and are doing so for now, it’s just that others aren’t being able to see how you’ve cleared obstacles one after another and have had major expansion in comparison to your past. Your hard work is paying off little by little but you’ve not received all the rewards yet. Continue celebrating how far you’ve come, others just don’t know anything about you and your life. They think that you’re not doing well mentally and emotionally, that you’re at a rock bottom. It’s funny how people have such different perspectives of you than who you truly are. You look at it as even if those endings, hurt and situations were hard, you transformed a lot from it and you’re still in a transition period. You’re still letting go and changing. You’ve not fully gotten used to the new beginnings but you’re having a lot of them. Despite the negative feelings that tend to come forth, the fear and sorrow, the cycles have finally ended.
꒰ Your inner world ꒱
YES!! I’m so happy, I was right! Those who think negatively of you based on your surface level personality believe the same about themselves. They think that you’re ‘all talk, no action’ because they know they themselves are ‘all talk, no action’. You have a really rich inner world. At this point, you value balance, i.e. giving and receiving equally. Two people can go through the same or at least similar situations and turn out to be completely different. I wonder if you come from fairly humble beginnings, your family or you had a bankruptcy, you didn’t have a parent so you took up a lot of responsibilities, you grew up with your guardians instead of parents, started earning young or weren’t given much money (it could be a situation similar to all these examples). Even if you did come from a well off family, there was some sort of instability. There was a point when you probably didn’t have anything or didn’t have much. Also, you seem to have lost a lot, many people, things or you may not have had much to lose to begin with. I’m definitely getting that you felt unsupported by others and alone. I’m getting this in every sense, i.e. financially, mentally, physically and emotionally. Your health was bad at that time too. You didn’t look good physically (because you weren’t) and neither did you feel good internally. The loss of connections at that time was the worst thing that they could have done to you because these people definitely weren’t doing things for the sake of their peace or anything of that sort, they wanted to create chaos and pain for you. This is your confirmation that they wanted to break you down, they wanted to knock you down to a peg. You are too kind and strong though, despite all the difficult times and changes, you went within yourself to find answers and move forward. Despite all the distress that you had to experience, the moment you gained just a little more stability, you started wanting to give to others and become more good charactered. You’re grateful for what you have and try to treat everyone equally, and with respect. You already share resources from the good of your heart but you’re focused on your investments, you’re focused on building your money. You’re trying to be responsible and are generous, kind and truly valuable because you value the right things, and you also try to grow and live by certain values, morals and virtues within yourself. However, your past still is affecting you mentally because you were thrown under a bus and you’ve gotten used to thinking about it 💀. The metaphor I’m getting is that you were strolling with your group of best friends or your lover (possibly both) you had their best interests at heart and thought they had the same for you too but suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you were thrown under a bus. It was really difficult to even comprehend, the wheels crushing your bones, the confusion, until you eventually passed sway and when you woke up, you didn’t have those loved ones around you, you found out that your feet aren’t working anymore, you didn’t even receive a call from them to ask about your whereabouts and needs but instead, they started making memes about how you’re unable to walk now. You were hurt, betrayed, lonely but little by little, you tried to walk and even though it took you some time, you started being able to stand by yourself, then you started walking until you were finally sprinting. That’s just a metaphor but it was not an exaggeration, whatever those people did to you was the same level of betrayal that I’ve written in the example above (regardless of whether you realise it or not). You have a scary deal of determination but you also have a lot of energy towards those situations (in the form of aggression and anger) even if you don’t realise it.
You’ve had many revelations and still continue having them. You’ve started seeing the truth about past people and situations. All of you here lead different lives but you’ve learned how to find abundance right where you are. Some of you have good connections, some of you are progressing in your careers, some of you don’t have either of those but what you do have is that inner abundance. You have a strong desire and even daydream (possibly even literally dream) about community, healthy love, a happy family, a happy relationship, good friendships, etc. You already feel as though you have a fairly supportive work and personal environment. You’ve learned how to be emotionally content without experiencing all the highs and lows just because they might be exciting. You value belonging and long term commitments. Despite this, there are times when you get excessively negative though. You have a tendency to hold onto trauma and haven’t fully escaped your past yet. You can definitely feel a bit bitter at times. You also have a tendency to at times, let your emotions overpower your logic and at other times, let your logic overpower your emotions. Emotionally, you love unconditionally but your definition of unconditional love isn’t unconditional as in “even if you disrespect me and don’t love, I’ll still love you” but instead it is “I care about your well-being even when I’m angry at you”, “I love and respect you even when we are fighting”, “I accept your shortcomings for you are also a human”, “no matter how much we change, I’ll always love and devote myself to you”. Your emotions are also something that helps you express yourself better. When you love someone, you wish to express it wholeheartedly. You love everyone like a mother would their child, you’re incredibly giving and have a universal love. I wouldn’t be surprised if recently you’ve developed a love for kids or at least, you always have had compassion for kids and felt strongly against beating kids to discipline them, etc. You’re divine, not only do you love like a mother would their child but you also love like a child would their mother. For a child, their parents are all they know and usually even though times are changing and women work too, fathers still aren’t that actively engaged with kids, so it’s the mother that the child is strongly attached to. When you love someone, you give all of yourself to them and expect the same from them. You also have a praise kink ahahaha. It’s okay, don’t be embarrassed, I’m openly claiming to be one of your kind 😔. You have an innocent way of loving and desire to have people praise you. You are fun loving when you love people, with both friends and lovers. You trust them and can be quite naive to be honest because a child does usually naively trust people and especially they trust their own mother blindly. You’re extremely affectionate and tender, also so sensitive to little things. You could have had a parent, guardian or teacher not prioritise your gift to them or brush your affection off at least once if not multiple times and you’ve unconsciously carried it with you. It was especially bad when you were younger, if someone didn’t react the way you wanted them to, you would feel hurt and it would just make you think. You also develop a psychic connection with those you love, trying to and almost always successfully understanding their wants and needs. You are the type to send soft messages, say kind and sweet words, play around, touch them innocently, etc. Gosh, we don’t deserve you. Just looking at your inner world makes me want to love you and desire your love.
꒰ Your soul energy ꒱
Your soul is going to have to deal with a lot of pessimistic moments. However, the best way that you’re going to learn how to deal with them is by being optimistic. You’re going to experience the most exciting situations going sour and turning out wrong. It’s all so that you learn a certain level of detachment and realise that it’s not that you can’t control anything, it’s that nothing can control you, it’s not that you can’t own anything, it’s that nothing can own you. Just the way the cloud covering the sun doesn’t mean the sun isn’t there, that the sun isn’t the sun, it’s just a cloud that will pass by in its own time. Anything that causes you to not be yourself, anything that causes you to not be seen as yourself by others, i.e. the brightest star in our universe, it’s going to pass by in its own time too. Your soul has signed up for trying multiple times. Which means that your soul has also signed up to experience failures before you finally succeed. You’ll notice that the way your life works is - first you go down, then you eventually rise up, then you go down again and while most people would stay down, you rise up even higher. You’re someone who doubts people’s loyalty and well, unfortunately your soul has signed up to deal with conflicts here and there in your partnerships so that you can work through the trust issues that you’ve carried throughout other lifetimes. You’re going to have to learn overtime that a lost love isn’t real love because real love wouldn’t give up on you just the way you wouldn’t give up on them. Your soul is here to grow and expand, past all these issues. You’re supposed to learn how to just be, to just live in the present moment without any reservations and fears. You’re supposed to put your past behind and move forward while applauding your baby steps and how far you’ve come instead of being all impatient. The cycles that you experience, especially in the earlier stages of your life will come to end with many delays. There are going to be days when you’re left empty handed, also days when you won’t see major wins as victories. Don’t blame yourself for having been emotionally attached to your past at some point, you are supposed to learn how to not waste your life away for moments that have fleeted away. You’re supposed to learn how to not seek closure, how to find closure within people’s character and actions. “Pay attention to people’s actions and you’ll never be fooled by words.” You’re going to suppress pain and anger at some point, eventually overcoming a lot of trauma and emotional pain. You’re going to learn how to free yourself from unnecessary emotional energy and are going to forgive yourself, others and situations for the sake of your own peace. There is definitely going to be a point when you refuse to move on though. Until you finally accept the truth of the situation and move forward with strength. If you’re single, it’s because your type is yourself 😔. You’re emotionally mature, compassionate, caring, empathetic, wise, tolerant, loyal, devoted and passionate, and these are the same qualities that you desire in a partner. You strongly desire the affection of someone who’s emotionally mature and intelligent, and makes a good counsellor. You want to have a partner that’s better than you in some way so that you can learn from them. You want to be able to act like a brat at times. You want them to be empathetic and kind, and understand the matters of the heart by themself. You want them to be open to supporting others and especially you. You want a kind and respectable partner because you are the same way and growing to take on more and more of that identity.
︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱
꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱
You seem to be exploring multiple possibilities and options, often finding it challenging to choose a single path. This can lead to confusion and a sense of being overwhelmed by the choices in front of you. However, this exploration is a crucial part of your decision-making process. People might perceive you as indecisive or lost in daydreams but in reality, you're weighing your options and considering all possible outcomes. You may find yourself feeling stuck or encountering delays. Your usual swift movement and energetic pace might seem hindered. This stagnation can be frustrating, leading others to think that you're not making progress. Despite this, you are learning to adapt and move forward at a different pace, which is necessary for your long-term growth. It’s essential to understand that this period of slower movement is temporary and will eventually lead to greater momentum. You still need more experience for spirituality, emotions and love. You might feel hesitant to express your emotions fully, leading to misunderstandings or perceived miscommunications. Others might see you as inexperienced or lacking in depth in these areas. However, this is a period of learning and growth for you. You're developing a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape and how to articulate your feelings better. This phase is crucial for your emotional and creative development. You have a tendency to overanalyse situations and people, reminds me a lot of the previous pile, you may have been drawn to it. You may be too busy on certain aspects of your life which leads you to not having time to focus on the other aspects. You seem to lack direction right now but I would say that as long as you have your priorities straight and make decisions from your heart, you’ll be fine. I think that you have a slow moving body, you seem to give slow reactions but there are other days when you give impulsive and hyperactive responses? It’s quite endearing honestly. Supposing a football was about to hit you but it hit the wall instead, on some days you’ll just stand there and not react much, not even say anything, just blink a few times and go on with your day while on other days, you’ll be like “if this ball had hit me, I swear whoever kicked it!” while waddling around the football field. I’m getting that while others may not fully understand your journey or the depth of your experiences, it is clear that you are on a path of significant personal growth. Keep celebrating your achievements and know that you are progressing, even if the rewards are not yet fully visible. Your hard work and patience will eventually pay off, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
꒰ Your inner world ꒱
This is crazy. Much like the previous pile who were perceived a certain way by other people but were strongly of substance. It’s the same for you. You’re incredibly humble naturally but you still make the conscious effort to maintain and create more humility within yourself? I’ve just started reading this part but I already respect and admire you so that speaks for itself. You could have a few conservative beliefs here and there or just views that are considered to be ‘conservative’ but are actually just basic human decency? It’s very natural for you, you have these qualities innately within yourself and you unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously look for these qualities as well. You really value loyalty ‘stereo heart’ by Gym Class Heroes is playing. You’re not exactly satisfied with your current state of wealth, status and success but you still continue to carry yourself with your head held high. You want something more but you’re not underestimating the journey to get there. You understand just how precious the present moment is and you try your best to appreciate it to the best of your abilities. You’re committed to your present duties and responsibilities while still reaching for more because you understand that doing the best with what you’ve got is the only way to live a life without many regrets. You’re very human and you accept that, that’s a great part of your charm. You know that regrets are inevitable but you still try to make the most out of life. You’re very reliable and loyal. You have dreams but know how to have realistic expectations or even if you have big dreams and unrealistic expectations, you internally have the awareness of that so you aren’t discouraged when reality isn’t living up to such dreams, hopes and expectations. Plus even if you have big dreams before starting to work on a certain goal, once you start the goal, you’re able to appreciate your little steps. You also become very duty focused and wanting to do the best so instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you end up feeling good about how much you do/did and what you did manage to have. “Mindset so good even my failures are a success.” You are strong willed and are currently more interested in financial stability than romance. I’m not getting it being anything superficial. You’re an incredibly well rounded person who would love a stable and loving connection, it’s just that you are a person who understands that you have this one life to live and you don’t want to have a futile life where you didn’t even make the most out of your own potential. Also, your goals seem to be more within your reach than romance. You want romance and relationships in general (platonic ones as well) to not be forced so you’re just patiently working on yourself. You have a grounded approach to success as well.
You aren’t the type to be like “once I become rich, I’ll hang out with successful and rich people, I’ll fly in the sky and forget everyone”, instead once you become successful, you’ll make sure to give credits to those who deserve it. “Thank you for instilling me with such values in the short time that we spent together, I promised to lead a virtuous life back then, maybe not out loud but within myself to honour you. You deserve a large chunk of credit for my success and once again, I promise to lead a virtuous life.” Once you’re rich and successful, you’ll be sure to bow down to those who serve you, to the community, to those who have raised you, to those who are younger, to those who are older, to those who are growing. ‘End of beginning’ by Djo is playing. I feel like there was a certain group of people that you really loved. The feeling that I’m getting is a childlike warmth and fun. It definitely seems to be a whole community with one person or a few people being the most memorable. You seem to have a lot of love for people in general and now that you’re growing, you are more appreciative of those who raised you and taught you certain things despite their own shortcomings but these people touched you on a different level in a very short time. It’s not like you don’t have appreciation for those you’ve grown up with and those who have always been around you or anything like that, it’s just that the tenderness, warmth yet firm boundaries and tough love you received from this community or maybe a certain person/group of people within this community has caused you to become more soft internally yet firm in your approach to the world yet kind, and very comfortable with your internal values of loyalty, living life to the fullest, stability, being virtuous as though it’s your duty, etc. I just heard that their humble and down to earth ways gave you a new life. They seem to be people who you are not around anymore but the warmth and love that they gave you and you have for them remains within you. This is so heartwarming. Some of you may think that you were at your worst when you received their affection, warmth, kindness and love, and it is true for many of you but just think about how loveable you must be to be loved so tenderly, warmly and deeply when you were at your worst. Due to your desire to be a certain kind of character, when you feel as though you didn’t live up to such ideals, you have a tendency to be a bit hard on yourself. You may have felt as though you had really strayed away from your morals at that time, that you had failed to maintain self respect, respect for others, your own morals and values which led you to being a disrespect-able person at that time but think about it, just how respectable of a person you must be to be respected and loved by such kind, courageous (because it takes courage to be kind and loving) and respectable people.
You deserve the world, you’re so precious. You have practical goals and planning, you’re also working hard and remaining patient right now. You’re a diligent person who is creating a stable and strong identity, and future for yourself. You try not to slack off your habits because you understand that your habits make up your identity. Think about it like this, if I smoke for a few days, that might be just for fun, due to peer pressure or something but soon that smoking will likely turn into something more, an addiction to say the least. Soon enough, my identity becomes that of a smoker. “Galene is a smoker.” Externally and action wise, you seem to be pretty well tempered. While, you may get angry here and there, when it comes to even big things, you just deal with them instead of complaining. You’re approaching life with optimism and passion. You also have your own personal philosophy through which you go through life. You’re pretty flexible right now and are just trying to be more harmonious, and cooperative. You are not aware of it but you have a lot of faith in the divine timing of things. You naturally believe and act as though things will turn out to be fine in the end, and are being pretty calm about whatever might be happening. You are just trying to remain grounded and in flow with life. You’re trying to stay true to your purpose and seem to be able to find contentment right where you are, even though you’re trying to reach for more. You have become pretty divine ahaha, you have a natural love for humanity or at least act with it. You’re looking at your life as your journey and just going through it, doing your best. This is very specific but I’m picking up on a man or a guy? I’m not sure who this is but at least one or two of you have learned from them to the point you have become them to a certain extent. Is this someone from that community setting from earlier? This person has affected you positively though. I’m getting something about your standards here. This person has raised your standards significantly. You look for stability, efficiency, mental strength, discipline and safety in your romantic connection and connections in general. This person was really wise and you’ve grown to be really wise. You have always been wise but just hadn’t been able to embrace that wisdom but you are doing so now. You also look for wisdom in your companions especially within your partner. This person looks incredibly sexy when angry. You are both very passionate individuals but your fuse used to lose when you were around them but regardless the connection between the both of you is beautiful. There was a telepathic bond. “Real recognises real”, they recognised your greatness at the worst time of your life. You have grown to become a lot like this person, likely because they actively tried to instil certain qualities, values and virtues within you. They did so because they had faith in you. Be grateful, you’re such a great person, you have great people see your brightness even when you are at your dullest.
꒰ Your soul energy ꒱
Your soul’s energy is one where your mind is often filled with hesitation and uncertainty. There are moments when you feel a lack of inspiration and motivation, which can make it difficult to start new projects or pursue your passions. This might lead to frustration and a sense of being stuck. However, this energy also leads to teaching your soul the importance of patience and the value of waiting for the right moment to act. It's a lesson in finding your inner spark even when the world feels dim. There’s a layer of complexity to your mental energy. It signifies that your mind is deeply influenced by your relationships and connections with others. You have a strong desire for harmony and unity, and your thoughts often revolve around how to maintain balance and peace in your relationships. This can sometimes lead to overthinking and indecisiveness as you weigh the pros and cons of every situation. However, it also highlights your ability to understand different perspectives and your commitment to nurturing meaningful connections. You are someone who was probably a victim of thinking about others before yourself due to how much you loved them (in the past). Your physical energy and actions are marked by a tendency to be cautious and sometimes overly defensive. You are meant to struggle with impulsiveness and a lack of direction in your actions. You will find yourself starting many things but not always following through. This is going to lead to frustration and a feeling of unfulfilled potential. However, this energy also brings a lesson in self-awareness and the importance of planning and thoughtful execution. You’re someone who is deeply involved in the present moment with those you love. Wanting to delve into that love, indulge it wholeheartedly. Due to this, you create really sentimental connections and memories. Even after you grow, you will find yourself functioning from a very childlike form of love and connection, not just that, your actions will be very childlike too. This is going to manifest in all ways, you’re going to be loving and affectionate like a child, sensitive like one too (to the actions and words of those you love) and also having fun, playing, and finding joy in simple things like a child.
Which is why, at some point, you’ll find yourself being deeply connected to your past. You will often find yourself reminiscing about earlier times and drawing comfort from familiar activities and routines. This nostalgia will hold you back from fully engaging with the present at some point, but when you learn how to deal with it and be present, it will provide a rich source of joy and grounding. Embracing the lessons from your past will help you build a more secure and fulfilling present. Emotionally, you tend to hold on tightly to what you have, whether it’s material possessions, relationships or beliefs. You might struggle with letting go and trusting the flow of life. This can lead to feelings of isolation and a fear of change. However, this energy also teaches you the value of stability and the importance of setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being as you grow. You’re going to have nurturing and sentimental connections that might be short term, likely in community settings, most likely not romantic because you’ll love everyone from that community due to how warmly you feel towards them but leave you touched forever, you’ll learn really valuable lessons from them. You’re have probably already experience deep emotional wounds and heartbreaks in this lifetime. These painful experiences shaped your emotional landscape, leading to moments of sorrow and grief. However, this energy also signifies great healing and growth which leads to lesson being learnt. Through these challenges, you are going to develop resilience and a deeper understanding of your emotional needs. This reading is a reminder that while pain is inevitable, it also paves the way for greater compassion and empathy. Your soul is on a journey of profound transformation. The challenges you face are opportunities for growth, teaching you patience, self-awareness and the importance of emotional resilience. Embrace both the light and dark aspects of your soul’s energy, as they both contribute to your unique and powerful journey.
︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱
꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱
You are often perceived as hopeful and idealistic. You possess a sense of optimism and vision for the future that others find inspiring. People see you as someone who looks beyond the present difficulties and focuses on what could be. This perception can lead to others viewing you as a dreamer, someone who is always seeking out new possibilities and ways to make the world a better place. Your ideas are often seen as refreshing and uplifting, even if they seem a bit out of reach at times. People may feel that you have a unique way of thinking and that you bring a sense of calm and guidance, much like a beacon of light in the dark. However, this idealistic nature can sometimes be misinterpreted. Some might think you are unrealistic or too detached from practical concerns. They might see you as someone who spends too much time dreaming and not enough time acting on those dreams. This can lead to misunderstandings about your true intentions and capabilities. Despite this, your hopeful outlook and ability to envision a brighter future are strengths that set you apart and make you a source of inspiration for those who truly understand you. You are perceived as someone who has faced hardships but is in the process of recovery. They think that you’ve been through periods of struggle, possibly related to health, financial stability or general well-being. Others see you as someone who is working hard to overcome these challenges and improve your situation. This perception can evoke sympathy and admiration, as it shows your resilience and determination to rise above difficult circumstances. On the surface, people think that you have experienced exclusion or abandonment in some form, yet you are gradually finding your way back to stability. They notice your efforts to rebuild. This can sometimes be seen as a sign of vulnerability but it also highlights your strength in acknowledging and addressing your difficulties. People admire your tenacity and the steps you are taking to regain control of your life, even if they don’t fully understand the extent of your journey. Emotionally and spiritually, you are seen as someone who values deep connections and harmony in relationships. You have a strong desire for unity and mutual understanding. People perceive you as someone who is compassionate, loving and capable of forming meaningful bonds with others. Your emotional energy is often focused on creating balance and fostering positive interactions, which can make you seem very approachable and caring. You are seen as someone who thrives in partnerships and collaborations. You might have a partner right now? If not, when you do have love interests or even just talk about love, you talk about it in a very pure manner. Whether in friendships, family relationships or romantic connections, you are viewed as a person who brings people together and seeks to maintain harmony. They see you as someone who sometimes prioritises others’ needs over your own, sometimes to your detriment. While your surface-level personality and image may be misunderstood by some, it is clear that you are a person of depth, resilience and compassion. Your mind is a source of hope and inspiration, your actions reflect a journey of recovery and determination, and your emotional world is centered around creating loving and balanced connections. These qualities make you a unique and valuable presence in the lives of those who truly see you for who you are.
꒰ Your inner world ꒱
You’re healing and you’re aware of that. You’ve made some transition and you can feel the shift but what I need to tell you is that you don’t realise that you’re over it all. You are over it but it does not feel like so because not everyday is a fun, roller coaster ride. You’ve undergone empowering emotional changes. You have learned from your mistakes and have found the strength to move forward. You might be realising or may have realised that a lot of the love you received in the past was false. You may be realising that the love you felt then was the love that you were back then? I’m getting an acceptance of the fact that you almost always (if not always) got the shorter end of the stick. You’re interested in living originally, being true to yourself, instead of worrying about what people will say or what’s considered to be orthodox, or the right way of doing things. You have a strong sense of blind faith, as in you know that you’ll be fine? This blind faith doesn’t even seem religious, it’s just innate, it’s because you have great faith in yourself and the flow of life. You’re still changing your views as you’re still learning. “Maybe the happy ending was developing humility while still being proud of myself.” You have developed great humility in the past few years. You are going your own way. You don’t really have mentors or teachers, you’re just doing what you need to do, with whatever resources and knowledge you save or can find. While, you are humble and changing your beliefs, you’re not bending to other people’s beliefs because you have a knowledge of the kind of belief system you possess and wish to move forward with. Many of you contemplate religions a lot. You seem to know that there’s a higher power but for you, religion is trying your best to lead a righteous path. You’re also someone who is working really hard. You tend to get consumed by your work. Also, you prefer it being this way, you like to work in a space where you can be completely devoted, in a way you can be completely devoted, in a field that allows you to do so. Currently, you may not realise how much you’re doing because you’re doing multiple things. You should be more graceful with yourself. You lack elegance in the way you speak to and about yourself. You are critical of yourself and feel as though you fail to present yourself the way you wish to. You wish to be more refined in the way you present yourself. You should be a bit careful, you may be building great success little by little, you may end up with a lifestyle that is really hard to maintain. You’re putting a lot of emphasis on prioritisation and time management because you’re balancing multiple projects plus life outside these endeavours. When you work, you don’t just do things, you devote yourself to it, you pour your all into it. So when you work, you naturally end up putting a cherry on top of all that you were asked to do. You seem to be quite busy. I need to remind you that you don’t have time to waste but please take time to yourself.
I’m not sure who needs to hear this but please don’t start your day with TikTok or Instagram reels, there’s a lot of negative content on those platforms, it’s going to drag your vibe down. Your decisions require adjustments, even in your daily life because you have a lot to do. Everyday, you assess security, risks, calculating and speculating everything. You may be struggling with laze right now but despite this, you’re persistent on your path and growth. You have an inner satisfaction and contentment despite not necessarily being happy. You’ve learned how to think about yourself and put yourself first. You’re very reliable still and are willing to work for connections but now, you’re learning how to be more patient and less controlling with how things flow. You’ve also reached a point where if something is interrupting your peace, you just block it and try to shift your mindset to something better. You’re naturally very patient with people so you are keen on not letting those who are takers and talkers, and not givers and doers enter your life anymore. You’re practical and responsible so due to this, you consider the emotions of those around you. However, now you’re at a point where you don’t try to look at things from other people’s perspective anymore, you just remain practical and try to remain grounded within yourself. When you start focusing on the negative, it becomes really difficult for you to get out because it just pulls you in. You’ve learned a lot about life, you’ve learned how to live, you’ve learned how to be in the world and of the world. You still have slips here and there but I would say that you’re doing pretty well. You’re working for what you want. However, no matter how much you achieve, you feel like there’s always more to reach for, please take the time to assess and make sure that your desires come from the right place and mindset. You seem to be greatly committed to your career, goals, study and growth more than anything. As much as you would love a stable and healthy connection that you can just delve into, if you can’t find something, a connection worth investing in, you’re not interested in putting yourself in compromising situations. You’re emotionally attached to growing. You also tend to feel guilty when you don’t work or miss out on work for a few days due to your desire and almost a need to be, and feel as though you’re remaining consistent. You’ve value a bit more of a conservative approach to connections. You value fidelity, loyalty and strong yet humble, and grounded character in both you and the other person. You wish to have connections that are real, that are grounded, where you’re not looking at your phone when with each other, where you write and receive letters, give and receive flowers, and share and buy each other books. The conclusion is that, you’re very committed to and focused on your own growth and career, and when it comes to connections, you only want those that are long term and stable with trustworthy and reliable people. You’re doing well, all the best going forward!
꒰ Your soul energy ꒱
Right away, you’re bound for success and recognition. Your soul is on a journey of mastering inner peace and clarity. You'll face moments of conflict and competition in this lifetime, you likely already have but instead of being drawn into battles, you'll learn to seek harmony and understanding. You’ll experience many conflicts regarding competition besides the usual ego clashes. However, the thing is, as ambitious and growth focused you may be. I forgot to mention in the ‘inner world’ part of the reading but you value recognition and status. So, as much as you may care about these, you have a very grounded approach to these. You aren’t necessarily competing with people, you’re simply just trying to achieve what you want while you are going to have people in this lifetime who will compete with you over anything and everything. In fact, in the past, you may have been accused of being the competitive and inconsiderate one when in reality even your friends have been really competitive with you at some point. These experiences are here to teach you that true strength that comes from inner calm and being cooperative on the surface. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still very competitive, it’s just that your approach to competition is different. Due to how much others have competed with you, you may have felt the need to be competitive in the same or similar way that they were but you realised that you have an inner abundance that you used to function with but have gotten out of touch with. You’ll get back to your original approach to life and achievements, realising that it’s not about winning every argument or competition but finding peace within yourself and fostering it in your surroundings, regardless of whether or not you get what you worked for. Just as the clouds pass and reveal the sun, your challenges will pass and you'll shine even brighter. You’ll stop associating your self worth with how much you achieve. In your physical pursuits, recognition and success are just destined. Your hard work and persistence are bound to pay off and you’re going to have to celebrate many of your victories. Right now, you’re learning to accept compliments, praise and appreciate yourself and your achievements without doubting your worth. This phase of triumph is here to teach you the value of perseverance and self-belief.
Remember, it's not just about the accolades; it's about the journey and the resilience you've shown. Your soul has signed up for these moments to empower you to take bold steps forward. Emotionally and spiritually, your journey is deeply connected to love and meaningful relationships. You are here to experience profound connections that go beyond the superficial. Your soul seeks unity and balance, integrating different aspects of yourself to create a harmonious inner world. The lessons of love will teach you to make choices that align with your higher self and to embrace the healing power of love. Your soul's growth involves understanding that real connections are worth every trial and triumph, and that true love never gives up. You wish to merge with your loved ones especially romantically. You have a loving and considerate spirit that’s very genuine in nature, and you want to love people as if they were you, as if you are one. You wish to work with their best interests at heart so naturally, you wish to be loved in such a way too. You want to love people who see and treat you, and your connection like team and teamwork instead of working with self serving motivations. Your loving spirit is something that you’ll notice, never dies. You continue loving deeply despite how many times you may hurt because that’s just who you are. Gosh, you’re precious, never change yourself. Overall, your soul is on a transformative path, learning to find peace within, celebrate your successes and embrace the power of love. Each challenge you face is designed to help you grow and evolve. As you navigate through conflicts, rise in your achievements, and deepen your emotional connections, you'll discover your true strength in harmonizing your mind, body, and spirit. Trust that every step you take is leading you toward a higher purpose, and embrace the cycles of ups and downs, knowing each phase is a crucial part of your soul's growth and expansion.
Tumblr media
903 notes · View notes
nknoxe-n · 4 months ago
Text
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥Happy Campersೃ⁀➷
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Synopsis: You're their special person of interest, one of you forgets a sleeping bag when you go camping together and has to share with the other <3
Warnings: [Shidou, that's it]
w.c 1k
note: If anyone wants, I will make little drabbles on each of them based off of these headcannons
Tumblr media
(They'd forget their sleeping bag)
Isagi Yoichi: Sweet boy he's so embarrassed at first, he forgot his sleeping bag, and it's soooo cold out would you please let him share, he had the immediate idea to share almost like he was waiting for something like this to happen. He's so smitten once he gets inside the sleeping bag with you, once the both of you are half asleep he starts to wrap his arm around your waist and snuggle up to you, no doubt you'll wake up in a tangled mess.
Nagi Seishiro: He wouldn't care all too much but he 100% takes up most of the sleeping bag, just because he likes you doesn't mean he'll give up his precious sleeping space even if it's actually yours, besides he's just so big you can't expect to have a lot of room anyway. Nagi is totally a cuddle bug because there is too much hassle in having shame, if he wants something he'll just ask, you wouldn't mind right?
Bachira Meguru: Awh he's so sweet, when he realizes he forgot his sleeping bag he just pouts at the campfire for a good solid ten minutes before lighting up and asking if he can share with you, which how could you say no to that face? You'd have to convince him to not get naked because he sleeps naked no doubt in my mind about it, personally I don't see him asking if he can cuddle you he'll just do it but also respectful af he would pull away if you asked, surprisingly has cold hands all the time.
Reo Mikage: He did it on purpose… you both could have just stayed at his cottage to camp, but he insisted you go in a tent out in the woods with sleeping bags. He'd beg you with those big, stupid, purple, puppy eyes and I mean actually beg you, if you asked he'd get down on his knees for you (He loves to give, also soft dom or actual big bottom energy). If you end up agreeing he's actually kind of nervous, he wants it to go perfectly so he's mumbling bashfully like a school girl if he can hold you because he's a little cold, poor thing.
Niko Ikki: Ugh this little pathetic shrimp boy he's adorable, doesn't want to even ask permission to share a sleeping bag with you, he's too embarrassed, you'll have to be the one to ask or else he WILL sleep on the floor of his tent with nothing. I know for a fact this twink cuddles like a koala, doesn't matter if you're bigger or smaller than him, he will be climbing you.
Shidou Ryusei: He did it on purpose, he wants those cheeks, that's it. (#1 Shidou hater)
(You would forget your sleeping bag)
Barou Shoei: This man? You expect this man to forget, no way in hell, he'd rather march back to the house than get caught forgetting his own. He'll realize you forgot your sleeping bag before you and has already mentally prepared to share with you, in his mind there's no other alternative, what you want to freeze to death? He's super warm but will not hold you even if you ask, if you want to so badly you have to initiate it. Not only that, but he moves a lot in his sleep and finds it really hard to get comfortable, and will wake up with you on your back and him half on top of you and an arm around your waist.
Rin Itoshi: He will act SO mad at you when you tell him that you've forgotten your sleeping bag, how else are you supposed to camp now? I still will always believe Rin would never like someone unless you've known him since pre-brother removal or since he was young at least, so you've probably had sleepovers with him before. No matter how close you are just because he likes you doesn't mean he's going to act happy about it, but he's completely different once your asleep he's still awake, I see him being awake for a while just thinking because this man is emotionally constipated, but he'll cuddle you once he's sure that he can play it off in the morning as your fault for being clingy in your sleep.
Kunigami Rensuke: BIGGEST doofus ever, he is so sweet about it, instantly offering to go home and camp some other time since you don't have a sleeping bag but when you mention sharing he's a flustered mess, a MESS I say, but he'll agree to it. He asks if you're cold once you get settle and if you say yes he offers to hold you, not like there's much difference since it's a tight squeeze. He drools in his sleep so be prepared to wake up with that also he will have one of your legs in between his idk it's a comfort thing.
Tokimitsu Aoshi: Does anyone like this dork? Well I do so buckle up mf's, he was so worried about the entire trip of course he didn't forget his own sleeping bag, also how did you get this man in the woods at night? Either way, he is dying at the thought of sleeping in the same place as you, especially one so cramped because he likes you so much, and he has to make a perfect impression because in his mind he's so uninteresting and what if you hate him? It goes smoothly in reality, but he doesn't end up sleeping that night because he's afraid he might snore and wake you up. The end. No, but if you actually ask to cuddle he'll let you, but he will not only be awake all night he'll be tense too.
Shidou Ryusei: So in another universe where I don't hate this man, here's his headcannon. He wouldn't forget his sleeping bag, and he's already suggesting you two share the sleeping bag once he finds out you don't have yours, and he will cuddle up to you no questions asked. If he likes you, he LIKES you, he might try to turn it into something sexual, but if you don't want that he won't take it that far. He grips you in his sleep like he will have a fist full of your shirt, your thigh, hell even your hair. He dreams about hurting people and talks in his sleep also had the funniest bed head no questions asked.
419 notes · View notes
chaos-in-deepspace · 6 months ago
Text
LNDS: Bongo Butts | 18+
I should be going to bed but I forgot to do laundry so here I am, writing more content that nobody asked for. Just like motorboating them...when I see them butts. Just. WHAM BAM. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Also hope you know I had to research different types of dump trucks for this fic.
Tumblr media
Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+. Warnings: Ass Slapping, Crack Fic, Playing their asses like they're bongos, Zayne's lost sanity, Rafayel is scandalized as per usual, you mentally scar Raf, Xavier is confused as per usual, but is he confused?, he does get you back tho
Blog Information | Masterlist
Xavier
Xavier really did need to be more careful around you. He was the one who wanted you to date him first, in your defense. He chose you. And you wouldn't let a single day go by that you didn't prove why that was a horrible decision on his end. At the very least, he could claim that he was never bored with you around.
Today was supposed to be a lazy day. You two had off from all missions and were relaxing around the apartment since it was too damn hot to actually go outside. It also happened to be laundry day for Xavier, so he was dressed in his workout attire while his uniforms were being deep cleaned from all the dirt that accumulated on them during his missions.
Those shorts. They were so damn short. You'd even call it slutty because hot damn. His ass was just right there. It was staring at you. Hypnotizing you like it was a snake charmer. Your hands were already twitching in a grabby motion as you stared directly at those perfectly rounded globes on his backside. His beautiful bubble butt.
Xavier could feel your stare burning into him as he looked over his shoulder. He was just sun bathing by the window, laying on his stomach. So vulnerable to your upcoming attack.
"Something you need?" Damn, he already sounded suspicious. It might've been by how you were practically drooling with your hands up, ready to grab at him. It was a slight give away. He should've been more prepared though, because you lunged at him in that moment.
He only had time to turn slightly when you pushed him back on his stomach, sitting on his back to pin him down. Your hands took a fistful of his ass before you began hitting them with little force. Just watching them jiggle with every little slap of your hands.
You were cackling like a maniac as you continued your assault until he managed to maneuver you off of him. You were laughing, your cheeks flushed as you almost teared up. His entire face was red as he stared at you in horror. Then you saw a flash in his eyes and you knew you were done for.
He grabbed you, pulling you onto his lap. Then you felt a harsh slap at your ass, making you squeal. It was so much rougher than you had hit him. He stared at your back side and did it again.
"I can see why you found this so entertaining. I think I'll play with this for now."
"Unhand me you creatine!"
"I think not, if I let you go, who knows what else you'll do to me."
Zayne
Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on Akso's best Cardiac Surgeon knew that one thing was a pure fact. He had an ass. His doctor's coat did a good job concealing it, but he couldn't wear it all the time. You had even noticed a few nurses who would glance down at him when he passed them in the hallway.
It was something you knew very well about Zayne, and something the man seemed oblivious to. The man didn't just have a dump truck as a rear end, it was a dump trailer. That shit could keep a family fed for an entire year. It was so perfect in every way. You could grab onto one cheek with both hands and you still wouldn't be able to capture the entire thing.
Yet for some reason, Zayne had no idea just how badly you needed his ass. You would often times find yourself staring at it when you hung out, had an appointment, or were just lounging at the apartments. It plagued your thoughts. You were losing sleep over this. It wasn't good for your health.
"Zayne..." You said as you relaxed on the couch next to him. You two were catching up on a TV show that you started well over a month ago but hadn't had time to really enjoy it.
"Yes, did you need something?" Oh how sweet he was, always looking out for you.
"Yes actually...can you lay down on your stomach for me? I wanna do something." You said, knowing that this man would do just about anything you asked. He eyed you for a moment, contemplating if he wanted to play this game with you.
"Might I inquire as to why?"
"That's for me to know, and you to find out."
Zayne took one more moment before giving in. He adjusted his position, laying down on his stomach just as you had asked. You decided to be subtle, leaning over his form and placing your hands on his shoulders at first. You gently caressed the skin there, massaging the muscles through his shirt as you slowly made your way down to the small of his back.
There it was. The prize. The holy grail of all asses. It was ripe for the taking as you looked over to see Zayne's closed eyes as he relaxed under your touch. You didn't hesitate. Your hands slapping down on his ass and grabbing it roughly.
His eyes shot open as he looked over at you. You licked your lips as you began gently slapping the flesh, watching the bounce as though it were made of jelly. It was a sight to behold and you couldn't help yourself. You had seconds before Zayne reacted and pulled your grubby little hands off him.
So you leaned your head in and bit down. His pants managed to cushion him from the force of your bite, but he sure as hell felt it. He sat up and grabbed you under the arms like a cat, stopping you in your tracks as you stared at him.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Playing with your nice ass."
"My butt is not a play thing."
You paused for a moment, eyes trailing down to the front of his pants, "If you aren't gonna let me slap your ass, can I play with your dick like it's a Bop-It?"
You watched Zayne go through five stages of grief. He sighed as he grabbed a blanket next to him, wrapping your entire body like a burrito so your limbs were no longer effective. He then sat back down on the couch with his legs open and placed you between, holding you tightly to his chest.
"I'm begging you, please be quiet for once and let's finish this show."
Rafayel
He should've known you were up to something if your gaze was anything to go off of. You had zeroed in on him the moment you had come over. Even during your little date as you two explored Linkon together, he knew something was up. Your not so subtle glances in his direction couldn't be considered innocent.
If only he knew why you were staring so hardcore. He had gotten a new pair of pants, or at least you assumed they were new. You were pretty sure you'd remember them with how good he looked at the moment. It was tight on him, accentuating his ass perfectly. You were pretty sure if you riled him it would also perfectly outline another aspect of him.
Still, you had a mission. Rafayel didn't know it yet, but the moment you had caught a glimpse of him this morning, you knew what had to be done. His muffins needed to be squished. His plump little cushions had to be properly admired and worshipped. You would be the one to happily give them the attention they deserved. An ass sculpted by the gods themselves were staring at you literally all day.
You closed the door to his home slowly, turning over to him. He was already heading to the living room. You slowly stalked behind him, and he could feel you were up to no good.
"Something caught your interest? I know I look good, but not even you normally stare at me this much."
"I just think you look particularly handsome today is all." As does his ass. You couldn't say that yet though, he would realize what your plans were if you verbalized it too early. Like a cat stalking a mouse, you followed him until he was in the living room. The moment he was by the couch you took action.
You rushed behind him and pressed down on the small of his back, making him stumble forward. He grabbed the edge of the couch, his body hunched over. Rafayel turned just in time to watch you drop down to your knees. Then he felt your hands harshly gripping his ass. Then the quick slaps in succession followed as you began laughing maniacally.
"Finally!" You said as you grabbed at them again. Rafayel finally reacted, rolling onto the couch to get away from your hands. You were practically panting as your hands twitched, "Come on Raf, lemme just squeeze em again."
"You are a psychopath." He said, hiding his ass from your view.
"I'm your psychopath though." Despite how horrified Rafayel looked, he was also amused by your antics. He grabbed at your arm, making you fall forward and your chest pressing against his own. His hands went to grab at your ass this time, squeezing them and laughing.
"You know, I think I'm seeing the appeal of this." He commented, his hands lazily hitting your ass cheeks like you had to him, although he was far more calm about it.
"See, it's amazing...now can I go back to playing with your butt? I wasn't done yet."
"I think not...although this has given me an idea. Do you mind if I paint your backside?"
"You wanna paint on my ass?"
"Perhaps."
"...I'll agree if you let me eat your-" Rafayel had never cut you off so quickly.
"Never mind."
Tumblr media
The most accurate representation of what we're doing to these poor men. I will not be silenced. Their asses need to be slapped. And ate
454 notes · View notes
hearts4golbach · 5 months ago
Text
Maybe You're Right.
request from wattpad:
tara introduces the reader to jake, and the size difference is kind of like how it was when tara and jake were dating, so it's HEAVY on the size difference and ends up in sshmuttt.
pairing:
Jake Webber x Fem!Reader.
warnings:
size kink, heavy smuttt, just general filth, 18++++!!
Tumblr media
"Tara, you dragged me out of bed this morning, told me to dress slutty, left the house, came back with alcohol, and now were pregaming for I don't even know what in the back of an uber." You laughed, passing the bottle of Pink Whitney back to Tara. "For the love of God, just tell me where we're going!"
Tara winced at the burn of the alcohol in her throat. "Okay, fine! I thought it was obvious."
"unless you're taking me to a whore house, then clearly not." you rolled your eyes. you began to mentally prepare yourself for another shot.
"were going to a party!" she gently pushed your arm.
you groaned. "Tar, you know I don't like parties."
"I know, I know. but, this is a more secluded one. there's this cute guy I really want you to meet!"
"I mean, I'm already here." you shrugged. "also, what about this cute guy? my anti-social ass would not be able to hit it off with a guy, especially at a party."
"he is, too! even if you guys don't hit it off, it's still worth a shot." she put the cap on the bottle and unbuckled as we approached a house.
"right." you replied, only half sarcastically.
"it's not as scary or hard as it sounds. you two have a lot in common." Tara flashed a cheeky smile. "like I said, he's cuuute!"
"i guess we'll see. what's his name?" you reached down to adjust your shoe.
while Tara wore these high heeled boots, you threw on a cute pair of white flats you had laying around. this made the height difference between you and Tara dramatic (even though you were roughly the same height.)
you climbed out of the back seat, thanking the bus driver before meeting Tara on the other side of the car.
she interlocked her arm with yours. "ready?"
"no!" you squeeled. "at least tell me his name."
"you'll figure it out, come on!" she dragged you up to the front door.
whenever you walked in, you were caught off guard whenever it wasn't the stereotypical party; strong smell of alcohol, loud music, flashing lights. there was music playing, but not too loud and not too quiet. the house smelled nice, most likely freshly cleaned. there was a wide variety of alcohol in the kitchen, though.
"lead me to this quote unquote cute guy." you instructed, looking around at all of the people. there were some people you knew or recognized. you made a mental note to try and say hi later.
Tara dragged you into the dining room as she looked around the room. she smiled as her eyes landed on someone. you tried to follow her gaze, but you were swept away by her dragging you towards him.
by the back door stood a group of 3 guys. they were all chatting within their group. the tallest one had cherry red hair that reached down to his shoulders. Mr. cherry bomb noticed Tara and waved. his eyes landed on you before turning back to Tara.
"Jake! I want you to meet someone." she dragged you up so you were standing beside her. "Jake, this is y/n. y/n, Jake."
he stuck out his hand. it enveloped your hand whenever you stuck yours out as well. you had to look up just to make eye contact with him. "nice to meet you, y/n. ive heard a lot about you."
"you, aswell." you gave him a soft smile.
he stepped off to the side, letting your hand linger in his. "what brings you 'round these parts?" he asked in a southern accent.
you giggled. "I was kidnapped and brought here by our beloved Tara."
"ah." he smacked his lips.
"You've heard a lot about me? good things, I hope." your eyes trailed down his body, admiring all of the visible tattoos. they were very colorful and interesting. it made you want to know all of the stories behind them.
he smirked whenever he saw your eyes wandering. this snapped you back to reality. "yes, of course. only good things." he said sincerely. "not a fan of parties?"
he leaned against the wall, awaiting your response. "more or less. I don't really go out of my way, I guess."
"I hope this one is," he paused, thinking of a decent word to finish his sentence. "Exciting? I don't know. I hope my and johnnies party can change your perception of parties for you."
you shrugged, shooting him a wink. you mentally cringed at yourself. "maybe. I guess we'll see."
"can I get you anything to drink? we have a lot of alcohol, for some reason." he lead you back into the kitchen.
you glanced back at Tara, who was already looking at you and shot you a wink. you flashed her a soft smile before turning back around and catching up to jake. "I'll just take a cherry white claw."
"good choice." Jake commented. he took one out of the box and tossed it towards you. "do you have a boyfriend?"
you hummed. "no. I had one a few months back."
he made a sound of acknowledgment before taking a sip of whatever was already in his cup.
"why do you ask?" you cracked open your seltzer.
"I think you're really pretty, y/n. and sweet, too." he smiled. "sorry if that's weird, im really fucking bad at compliments."
you giggled. "that wasn't weird. I really appreciate it." you leaned a little closer to his face. "I think you're pretty cute, too." you commented with a smile on your face.
"hmm, thank you." he seemed to be thinking before crushing his cup and tossing it in the trash.
"so, is this your house?" the alcohol seemed to be getting to your head. you took a step closer to Jake.
he immediately caught on to your moves and took a step closer himself. "yeah. me, johnnie, and carrington."
you hummed, straining your neck to look up at him. he casually reached towards you, tucking a hair behind your ear. "really? it's really nice."
"thank you, pretty girl." he smiled, sending shivers down your spine.
"you know, it's pretty crowded. why don't we go somewhere else?" you wanted to make your intentions obvious. the kitchen was empty, and you were eyeing jake like you were starving and he was your last meal.
he looked around. "I think you're right." he took your hand and led you upstairs, which was completely empty.
whenever you made it to his room, he shut and locked the door. his hands met your waist. "is this okay?"
you hummed, "more than okay."
he smirked and hooked his hands under your thighs. he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. "is it crazy how we just met and I think im already obsessed with you?"
"is it crazy I feel the same way?" he grinned at your response before pressing his lips against yours.
he pinned you against the bedroom door. his lips glided with yours at the perfect pace. his lips tasted sweet, like spearmint gum and alcohol. his soft lips were addicting. you couldn't get close enough to him. you couldn't even get enough of him.
his tongue swiped your bottom lip, begging for entrance. you parted your lips and let him in. your tongues danced together. he pressed you further up the wall, letting one hand trail over the silk of your dress. he slowly unzipped it, taking his time. you clawed at the rim of his shirt, begging him nonverbally to take it off.
he walked you over to the bed and laid you down. he tapped your hips, asking you to lift them up so he can slip off your dress. you followed his instructions, leading you to be left in your bra and panties. you reached up and stripped his shirt off of him, revealing his toned abdomen.
you traced the lunes of his tattoos as he began to unbuckle his pants. he stood towering over you in his boxers.
he leaned down, pecking your lips and crawling on top of you. he leaned down and bit your earlobe. "You're okay with this, right?"
"yes, jake, fuck. please, fuck me." you tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled his face back towards yours.
he kissed the corner of your lips and trailed down to your neck, sucking dark hickeys into your soft skin. you shuddered as his smooth lips sucked on your skin. he kissed down your chest and stomach, finding his way to the rim of your underwear. he gripped the lace with his teeth and dragged them down, assisting with his hand. you were soaked, and a string of your juices was on your panties.
"fuck, I'm going to ruin you." jake smirked as he licked a stripe up your pussy. his tongue flicked your folds. he moaned at the taste of you. "you taste amazing." he complimented with a tiny giggle.
he held your hips down, stopping you as you tried to buck up into his face. he sucked your clit, pulling away with a pop as he stood back up.
you helped him pull his underwear down. his cock sprung out of his boxers, his tip hitting his lower stomach. "fuck, jake. you're so big."
you collected the precum off of his tip, using it as lube to slowly stroke his cock. Jake bit his lip as he stared down at you. your eyes flicked up to him as you shot him a sweet smile.
his hand stroked your cheek. "you can take it, right pretty girl?"
you nodded eagerly as you bit your lip.
he pushed you back on the bed and spread your legs. he was so soft yet so rough at the same time. he aligned his cock at your entrance before slowly thrusting inside of you.
you moaned loudly, clapping your hand over your mouth.
"you need a sec to adjust?" he cooed, rubbing your hip. you nodded. "That's okay, love." he smirked, "told you, I'm going to ruin you."
"oh, fuck. please, you can go." he kept his thrusts slow at first, making you moan. his cock wasn't fully inside of you yet as he held a steady yet slow pace.
"shit, i can feel my cock stretching you. taking me so well." he gripped your hips.
he bottomed out, pushing his cock all the way inside of you. you felt his cock aching for release as your walls clenched around him tight. you nearly screamed, your moan sounding raspy as he did.
"You sound so pretty," he sped up his thrusts, "keep making those sounds for me, babe. let the whole party hear you."
"fuck, jake! fuckfuckfuck-" you moaned out. a string of curses slipped out of your mouth.
"shit, you can take it." he stuttered as he fucked you harder. he hit your g-spot, making you scream his name.
"faster, please, baby." you choked out in between moans. "fuck, you're so- so big."
he smirked, "yeah? I'm sure you love it."
you nodded eagerly. "yes. fuck yes!" you arched your back off of the bed. "jake. I'm so close!"
"cum on my dick, pretty girl." he grunted. his cock sounded inside of you at a relentless pace.
"fucking hell," you moaned as your walls spammed around Jake's hard memeber. you came on his dick, your whole body going limp as you breathed heavy. you laid back on the bed, your whole body relaxing as you began to catch your breath.
he pulled out and came on your stomach. he moaned out your name as he came, his hand pinned on either side of your head.
jake collapsed on the bed next to you. he wrapped his arm around your waist. he was breathing heavily himself. he took a deep breath before sitting back up.
"Let me clean you up." he tossed on a shirt and a clean pair of pajama pants. he tossed one of his shirts to you. "Do you need anything? water or.."
"No, I'm okay," you threw on his shirt. "Just hurry back to bed." you smiled, an extremely cock drunk smile.
he nodded, "will do."
he came back moments later with a wet wash cloth. he kneeled down in front of the bed, cleaning his cum off your lower stomach and your sensitive cunt. once you were all cleaned up, he gave you a pair of basketball shorts to sleep in.
he hummed, "I think we should go on a date some time."
you hummed back. "I think you're right."
he took his shirt back off and laid next to you. you laid your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. the two of you fell asleep peacefully in eachothers arms almost immediately.
-
'I think you were right.' You texted Tara along with a picture of you lying on Jake's chest.
she responded two minutes later. 'told you so'
518 notes · View notes
idleoblivion · 6 months ago
Text
"You Don't Want to See Me Like This" - Vil Schoenheit x GN Reader
Synopsis: You were spiraling and you knew it, skipping classes, not taking care of yourself and ignoring your friends in favor of rotting in bed. You didn’t want anybody to see you in this state, least of all your perfect boyfriend.
Word Count: ~1k
A/N: Crazy how fast I go from writing smut to comfort fics lol. First time writing Vil sorry if he's ooc.
Warnings: Vague description of poor mental health, he comforts you
The first knocks on your door you ignore entirely, not moving an inch from your position curled up under your blankets. The second time, you do move, but only to check your phone for any messages from Ace or Deuce saying they were coming. They had been the most adamant about trying to reach you, with Ace sending you sarcastic messages and memes to get your attention while Deuce opted for more genuine “Hey, it’s been a minute, you alright?” and “I hope you feel better soon!” texts. You loved them, truly you did, but you were in no mood to talk to them. You couldn’t remember how many days it’s been since you’ve seen them in person.
The third knocks are louder and impatient. You sigh and close your eyes again. As you're preparing to reach for the earbuds on your nightstand to tune them out, the voice you hear from the other side of the door stops you in your tracks.
“I know you can hear me, potato. And you know I don’t appreciate being ignored.”
Your eyes shoot open again. You weren’t expecting him at all.
It’s not like you thought Vil wouldn’t notice. He was always very attuned to what you were feeling, it was something you loved about him. Somehow you had gotten lucky, with his schedule apparently being even busier than usual you had managed to evade him. But he was here now, and clearly not happy. You know he cares dearly for you, but still you didn’t know how to talk to him about everything going on in your head right now. Not when he seemed to handle every problem he had with ease, while you were just wallowing in your misery. Not when he was this emblem of beauty and grace, not when he wouldn’t be caught dead looking like you did right now.
You sit up and turn your head to look at yourself in the mirror. You haven’t showered or brushed your hair and it shows. The circles under your eyes are darker than you’ve ever seen them. You had been completely neglecting the skin care routine Vil picked out especially for you for several days, and you were sure he would be able to tell.
“Vil…I’m alright, I just don’t feel well. I’m tired, and I’m trying to rest.”
“According to your friends, it’s been nearly two weeks that you haven’t been feeling well. Either you’re lying to me, or you need to go to the infirmary this instant.” You could picture the frown on his face and crease in his brow just from his tone.
You don’t answer him. You silently curse Ace and Deuce for getting him involved, wishing your bed would just swallow you whole so you could avoid this conversation. He stays quiet too for a moment. You hear him sigh before he continues.
“I…I’m not trying to patronize you. Please just let me in, I need to see you.” His voice turns almost pleading at the end, surprising you. He never pleaded or begged for anything.
“You don’t want to see me like this, Vil.” Your resolve was weakening hearing how worried he actually sounded, but you were still so ashamed of your current appearance. What would he think if he saw you? Would he feel pity, maybe even disgust? You didn’t want either of those reactions from him.
“You can’t say that. You can’t tell me how or when I want to see you.”
Another minute or two of silence passes, and you realize he really isn’t going anywhere. You drag yourself up out of bed and to your door and hesitantly unlock it. You walk back to your bed and plop down again before saying “Come in.”
He opens the door gently, eyes immediately fixated on you. He takes in your disheveled self and looks around your room for a moment too. You hadn’t even realized how messy it was until he was looking around, laundry and other junk left lying out in the open. Another wave of shame washed over you.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-” You start to choke up as you put your head in your hands, but he interrupts you.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m the one who needs to apologize.” You look back up at him confused. He’s looking at you, but you don’t feel the judgment in his gaze you were anticipating. He’s looking at you gently, fondly even, and that alone nearly makes you cry.
“I’ve been preoccupied with the production the Film Studies club is working on, and I seem to have neglected something much more important." He approaches you and offers you his hand, which you take. He holds your hand tenderly and continues. “It’s my duty to notice things like this, and I’ve let this go on too long already. What can I do for you, love? What can I do to help?”
The tears that had been welling up finally start falling, and he brings his other hand to cradle your face lovingly. You stay like that together for a few moments, with you crying and him just holding you.
Through sniffles, you tell him “I don’t know. I want to feel better, but I don’t, I don’t know I just-” you cut yourself off with another sob. He nods his head like he understands. He seems to stop and process an idea before he stands up.
“Well, looking better may help you feel better. Come with me, back to Pomefiore. Bring some pajamas, we’ll run you a bath and have a self care night together. I’ve got some new products I’ve been wanting to test that we can try out.” He smiles at you and beckons for you to stand with him. You do, and nod at him as you try to calm yourself down more. “Y-yeah, that might be nice.” You hold your arms out, asking for a hug and he obliges immediately. 
He holds you tightly before speaking to you softly. “You don’t need to keep things from me, you know. I’d much rather hear about how you’re doing from you than those other potatoes.” You let out a small laugh, which makes him grin. “Can you promise you’ll come to me next time?”
“Okay, I promise. Especially if it gets you to spoil me like this.”
“It’s not spoiling, love. It’s just what you deserve.” He kisses your forehead before you walk out of your room together, still holding his hand.
524 notes · View notes
iluvmy-desire · 6 months ago
Text
tall and big ᯓ mingi x camgirl reader
genre: smut
warnings: shy mingi uwu, mingi has a grandfather clock dick i jus know it
ever since he started masturbating to your live streams and videos, mingi got a lot more horny than he thought. he really tried to control himself but he just can't resist you. he started to give you more and more gifts every time you went live and you were happy to receive those.
as time goes on, you started to wait for him to enter your live and accept his gifts, but tonight he was missing. you were a bit disappointed but you kept going on your live until it eventually ended. suddenly, there was a ding and you saw that someone messaged you. you open the chat box and was startled to see his user, the infamous @fixonmydick.
fixonmydick: hi umm
fixonmydick: im sorry if i didn't watch your live, i know you went live just now but i have some errands to run
fixonmydick: i know you don't know me personally but umm
fixonmydick: i saw your post that you'll have a one premium show for one only and umm im interested
ah, so he saw her post last night. maybe she should give him a chance.
you (lustfulpuss): no worries ! it's fine if you had to run some errands
lustfulpuss: besides, i ain't forcing anyone to watch me live
lustfulpuss: anywy, I'll think about your offer.
mingi smiles shyly when he sees your reply, mentally preparing himself once he wins and gets the chance to fuck you stupid. he's confident with his cock, but he's nervous about the feeling once her enters inside you.
[a few days later]
you announce the winner of who won the free fuck, and of course, mingi won. it was kinda biased, but you were curious to see him irl too. when mingi saw your post, he was smiling like an idiot, kicking his feet in excitement.
lustfulpuss: hi
lustfulpuss: you won the contest! the roulette picked you ><
hell, even your messages are cute. you had to make a lie, to cover the real intention you have: wanting to be fucked by him.
fixonmydick: thank you vv much for the opportunity !
fixonmydick: i hope i don't scare you or something lmao
lustfulpuss: why, r u gonna scare me with your cock?
fixonmydick: im very embarrassed and shy to say this but i think so, yeah
as time goes by, you two continued to chat to at least get to know each other. you both introduced yourselves with your real names and where you from. you two exchanged numbers because it's kinda a little awkward to chat at a camgirl website.
when he revealed his face by sending a picture, you were surprised on how good looking he was. you have never ever wanted someone to fuck this instant. he was also pretty tall. you know what they say, if a guy's tall, so is his dick.
© iluvmy-desire, 2024 [ do not repost any of my works. reblogging and liking my posts will be very appreciated ]
491 notes · View notes
kleine-joost · 3 months ago
Text
Whine & Dine 18+ MDNI
Joost Klein x Fem!Reader
a/n: this too me way too long to write!! i tried to make it smutty but i just can't help writing cute fluff :)
WARNINGS: joost being a MUNCH, reader is AFAB, uuuhhh smoking?, there's a 'good girl' in there too
Tumblr media
You’d always loved the process of getting ready for a first date. Choosing the perfect outfit, making sure your hair looked effortless, yet tamed, and the shot of liquid courage right before you stepped out the door, oftentimes it was more enjoyable than the actual dates you went on.
Either the guy couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, or he forgot to mention one tiny detail like he was still living with his ex, or he’d make a comment about how you weren’t afraid to eat in front of a man. Your love life was a long string of red flags and ghostings. But you always persevered.
Tonight felt like a good night for you; you had a pep in your step and you were feeling confident. The guy seemed nice enough in the short conversations you’d had on the dating app where you matched. He was one of those sensitive, creative types, and he looked just gorgeous in his photos.
The restaurant you were meeting at was only a short walk from your apartment, so you made it there with plenty of time to spare.
You’d never been, but you must’ve walked past it a hundred times. The place always gave off vibes that were just a bit too cool for you, with its ornate lettered sign and rooftop bar open every weekend in the summer that blasted lo-fi beats that echoed through the streets.
Walking in, you were shocked at how cold it was inside. You felt goosebumps prick up all over and a shiver went down your spine. The room was quite loud, the sound of knives and forks clattering on plates and lively chatter disoriented you for a second–or maybe that was the tequila shot finally kicking in.
You saw the golden hair at the bar just by the entrance. A flash of excitement jumped through you as you approached. 
“Joost?” You asked tentatively, partly to not frighten him and partly to soften the blow if you’d picked out the wrong person at the bar.
He turned around and you got a good look at his face in the glinted orange light of the restaurant, highlighted with blue neon that shone over the bar. He looked…different in three dimensions. Seeing him properly had you smile, as he smiled back at and stood to give you a polite, short hug.
“You’re early!” He laughed. Oh, his laugh.
You chuckled. “You can’t talk!”
“I like to be prepared!” He feigned offence.
You let out a giggle, the kind of giggle normally only saved for when young girls talk to their schoolyard crush–you weren’t quite sure how you conjured it.
You were relieved when the conversation flowed so easily over dinner. You talked about friends and films and your teenage years. You’d learnt Joost was a musician–he was actually doing quite well for himself on that front–and though his songs didn’t really seem like your scene, you made a mental note to listen to a couple at least, he was so passionate when he was talking about his music influences growing up, it sparked inspiration for you to branch out.
You both finished your meals and they’d been taken away by a very sleep-deprived looking busboy…but you just didn’t want the night to end. And you felt like you’d gotten to know Joost well, but you didn’t know him that well. What would he think about you if you wanted to keep the night going?
You dwelled on the thought as you paid–well he paid, much to your protests– and both made your way onto the street outside. The sun had gone down now and streetlamps let off a soft aura every ten feet down the road.
Joost immediately took a cigarette packet out of the pocket of his jeans and placed one between his lips–lips that you had stared at far too much during the evening–before holding out the packet to you with raised eyebrows, silently asking if you wanted one. You grabbed the box and took one out, along with the bright green, plastic lighter in the packet as well. You tried to light it a couple times, but the spark on the lighter wouldn’t catch. Joost saw you struggling. 
“Sorry, it’s a bit old, you have to shake it a bit before you light it,” he said with the unlit cigarette still between his lips and his hands stuffed into his pockets.
You shook it a few times and tried it again…and nothing.
“Here…” He took a step towards you and grabbed the lighter, shaking it a few times and lighting it immediately. He held the flame to the end of your cigarette. “I’ve got the magic touch.”
You both stood on the pavement outside the still-bustling restaurant in a comfortable silence. Between drags on your cigarette, you snuck looks at him leaning against a small planter across from you, he always managed to catch you looking.
“So, uh, did you drive here?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“Walked, just live down the way…” You pointed to your right, to the direction of your apartment building. 
“Nice, nice…” He trailed off.
“Um,” you stuttered out, getting his attention again. “Would you mind…walking me home? If it’s not too much trouble, it’s just that it’s dark and…”
“Sure,” he said, cutting you off with a smile.
You breathed a sigh of relief. You were always very street smart, and you were pretty good at picking up on if someone was dodgy or not. There was just something about Joost that made you trust him, he seemed very honest, and you saw how his hands shook when you first met; you knew he was just as nervous as you.
As you walked, you continued to chat–just smalltalk mostly, he was telling a story about his friends from school. His face lit up when he spoke about the things he loved, you could tell he had so much passion about music and his friends and art. 
You didn’t notice that along the walk, you both slowly started to drift towards each other, not until your fingers lightly brushed against each other. Without hesitation, he grabbed your hand, fingers firmly intertwined with yours. And he never even faltered in conversation, but you saw his smile as you held onto him–a smile you returned.
Eventually you made it to the front of your building. As you slowed your heart hurt just a bit that the night was coming to an end.
You both stood in silence for a moment, you’d let go of his hand now and your palm was much too cold.
“Well…” You started. “I should…”
Joost nodded. If you weren’t so wrapped up in your melancholy you would’ve noticed the same look of sadness in his eyes.
“This was really fun though,” you continued. “We should do this again sometime.”
He smiled, you could for sure get used to that smile. “Yeah, I’ll text you when I’m free so we can get a drink somewhere or something.”
“Sounds good,” you grinned back at him, another moment of silence. “Get home safe.”
He nodded, then leant forward with his arms open. This hug was…stronger than the quick, polite one in the restaurant, you were truly engulfed in him this time, you could smell the cologne he was wearing; something warm and homely, but not like the kind that smelt like food, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it exactly though.
You didn’t want to let go, locking your hands around his waist. You couldn’t say how long you both stood in that embrace, it was like time stopped as you were taken up by him. You turned your head to look at him, he was looking at you.
Without too much thought to convince you against it, you closed the gap between your faces.
His lips were softer than you thought they would be, and his mustache didn’t tickle your face like you assumed it would have. Joost deepened the kiss, placing a gentle hand on the side of your neck. He was being so gentle, like you could’ve shattered under his touch. But you were hungry, you wished it would last forever, getting totally and utterly lost in him.
Once you had pulled away for a proper breath your bodies separated, you weren’t quite sure what to say.
“I should get going,” he said, breaking the silence.
You nodded. “Good night, Joost.”
“‘Night.”
You began to walk towards your building, a smile on your face that you couldn’t even try to hide. You entered the code to get in the front door and opened it, looking back to where Joost was standing. He wasn’t making any effort to walk away, he was just standing, watching you with a smile much like yours.
In a moment of unfound confidence you spoke, not even registering what you were saying as it left your lips. “Would you like to come up for a drink?”
It was a loaded question, you knew it and he knew it. But the aching between your legs wouldn’t let you get embarrassed by your forwardness.
He silently followed you into the building, grabbing your hand that held the heavy, tinted glass door for him as he stepped over the precipice. No words were shared as you waited for the elevator; his warm hand spoke enough, lightly tracing the end of his thumb over the back of your hand.
The elevator was empty apart from you two, and it seemed almost to halt to a stop as it slowly chugged up to the seventh floor where your quaint one bedroom apartment was. You leant against the cool metal wall opposite the doors, Joost was doing the same next to you.
There was an air of…anticipation surrounding you, mixed with excitement, and a little apprehensiveness. You looked at Joost, this was one of the first times you’d looked at him when he wasn’t looking at you, you could truly look at him now, really perceive him. You noticed the bags under his eyes, and how the colour of his eyebrows transitioned from a deep gold to almost pure white. He told you over dinner that he was bullied in school for the way he looked, and you could understand why–kids are cruel–but he looked perfect to you.
He caught you staring out the corner of his eye, he smirked at you. You let out a low chuckle as heat rose to your cheeks when he turned to look at you.
“You look nice,” you said in a low whisper.
“Nice?” He feigned confusion.
“Like you look kind, that sort of nice,” you continued. “Also you just…have a nice face.”
He showed off a proud smile.
Your apartment was warm, you’d left a window cracked open and the August air crept its way in over the course of the evening. Joost watched as you hung up your jacket by the door, pulled off your boots and dropped your keys on your small, cluttered dining table. He wasn’t sure what to do–or even how to stand–as you stepped into your tiny kitchen and opened the fridge.
“I have…some orange wine, but it’s not very good, or I have pear juice.” You looked up at him, fidgeting in his spot near the front door. “You can hang up your jacket, take off your shoes if you like.”
“Thanks,” he smiled, then slipped his sneakers off and took off his jacket. For the first time you saw all his tattoos, his arms were littered with little scrawled drawings. You wondered if each of them had a meaning, you would love to hear the stories behind them all. “Uh, I’ll have some pear juice.”
You sprung to action, grabbing two mis-matched glasses from your cabinet and pouring the juice into each of them. Joost followed you as you carefully stepped towards your sofa–so you didn’t spill any of the sticky juice onto your floor.
“Your place is nice,” he commented once you were both comfortably sitting on the sofa–at a distance.
“Thanks…” You looked around at the white walls that were decorated with framed posters of a couple of your favourite films. “It’s good for now.”
“It’s a home…” There was a look of melancholy in Joost’s eyes, it made you wonder. “I travel a lot, so I’m not really home a lot.”
You nodded, taking a sip.
“I can see you in here though, it’s-uh-it’s very you,” he continued, a small smile on his lips.
Something about Joost seeing you in your home–your haven–made you smile. He’d been so attentive over dinner, and it made you happy to think he was listening to you, understanding you.
“You’re very sweet,” you said after a short moment of silence. You’d noticed that silence was comfortable with Joost, you didn’t feel the painful urge to have to fill every second with a new question or an unrelated story. Conversation just felt so natural with him.
He turned away, pressing his face into his shoulder at that. You saw his cheeks redden. Part of you loved how the smallest compliment made his blush so much, you hoped you’d be able to give him more, deeper compliments just to see what he would do.
You were feeling brave. You placed your glass of the coffee table and slithered towards him on the sofa, placing a light hand on his knee. His skin was hot. He looked back towards you as you grabbed the glass from his hand and placed it next to yours.
“Is this okay?” You asked in a low voice.
Joost didn’t reply, just placing a gentle hand on the side of your neck and leaning forward to kiss you. This kiss wasn’t like your sweet, goodnight kiss outside, there was a subtext to it. You quickly opened your lips, letting your tongues meet. He pulled you closer so your chests were pressed together. You skin felt too hot, you were sweating even as a breeze blew in through the open window next to you.
You parted, quickly pulling your blouse over your head in hopes you’ll cool off. You saw Joost’s eyes widen, looking down at your body. His mouth was immediately back on yours, wet and messy as your hand returned to his knee before slowly inching further and further up his thigh. You pressed your fingertips into his flesh, getting a low moan from him.
He began to press kisses down your neck, settling just below your collarbone. You felt his teeth over the soft skin, and the pressure of him sucking. No doubt there’d be a bruise there later.
“Joost,” you slowly whispered.
“Hmm?” He replied, placing more wet kisses over your chest.
You had to think before you spoke, you could barely string a sentence together with how bothered his wandering hands were making you. “C-can you…”
“Tell me, baby.”
“I want you to eat me out.” You pulled his face off your chest to look you in the eyes. “Please.”
He smirked, pressing your shoulders back until you were laying on the sofa. He quickly peeled your jeans off your hips and down your legs, discarding them on the floor before leaning down to place a gentle kiss at your belly button, then a little lower, and a little lower again. 
Once he finally mouthed over your clothed pussy, you were so lightheaded you could barely think straight.
He slowly pulled your panties down your legs, seeing just how much you were dripping. He couldn’t hide the smile plastered across his face at the thought of you so hot and bothered by him.
“You’re so sexy,” he whispered, lowering his face to your pussy and placing a light kiss to your clit.
You were so sensitive, you instantly cowered away from his touch. But he grabbed your hips to hold you in place. It felt like the room went cold, with goosebumps raising all over your skin.
You noticed that Joost was watching you, just for a second, though he just looked back to your core once he realised you’d caught him staring. He dove in.
You would’ve thought he hadn’t had dinner with how…passionate he was. He wasn’t letting up, listening to every direction you gave him; ‘lower’ or ‘more fingers’, and a ‘don’t stop’.
Before you knew it, you felt weightless as he drew you into orgasm. It wasn’t like when you did it yourself, you finally understood all those cheesy romance novels talking about seeing stars, because you had a whole galaxy in your eyes.
It took you a few minutes to come down from the high. Joost helped you through it, bringing you back down to Earth with gentle rubs over your hips and a ‘good girl’ thrown in for good measure.
Once you finally caught your breath, you spoke. “I don’t do this all the time, by the way.”
“Do what?” His eyebrows furrowed.
“This.” You gestured to, well, your still-naked body on your couch. You would’ve been feeling self conscious if you didn’t just have one of the best orgasms of your life. “I don’t want you to think I’m a slut or anything.”
He laughed. “Leifje, if you’re a slut, I am too.”
His laugh brightened the room, it eased you. 
“Well, we haven’t gotten to you yet, have we?”
xxx
287 notes · View notes
lunartuness · 4 months ago
Text
Spoilers for Book of Bill
Thoughts on Bill talking about Ford
I was not prepared for canon Billford in the year 2024 and yet here we are.
But seriously, I'm kinda surprised how much Bill actually liked and valued Ford? Obviously it's in a horrible, toxic, never come within the same continent as them kind of way but it's just, I always kind of figured their relationship (while obviously adoring from Ford's end due to Journal 3) was mainly just Bill humoring Ford long enough until he no longer needs him. Like, 'yeah, sure, of course you're special, I definitely believe in you' sort of nonsense.
But in Bill's book it's implied multiple times he had as close to a crush on Ford as he's probably capable of. I mean, the whole 'love cage' section is literally verbatim what he did to Ford (and just wait until they're mentally broken enough to confess their true feelings! Fear and love are basically the same thing!) And in the valentine's section he talks about leaving mice, which again, he did for Ford's birthday, and then when he wasn't happy about that, got him drunk enough to have a good time (implied kinda forcibly? since Ford declined beforehand). Then there's the fact he literally calls Fiddleford a third wheel (also coincidentally after we just learn Fiddleford spent hours on handmade gifts for Ford and forgot to get his wife anything).
And when Ford finally does catch on and things go bad? Bill tries first to talk with Ford through the zombies (to manipulate him, of course, but also Admit it, you'd miss me. I have missed you, and Bill actually smiles.) And then leaves little sticky notes asking nicely to talk. When he finally gets mad enough to escalate, he still does so in a very not-violent-for-Bill-way. Sure, killing Ford wouldn't help him but we know how messed up Bill can get. And yet what does he do? He leaves Ford's body to almost freeze, only to have a warm fire and a love song playing when he wakes up. He causes mild public disturbances and gives him an obnoxious tattoo. When he finally, finally snaps is when we start to see more of the Bill we got in the show when he tortures Ford a bit. But even that is mild?
Like, Bill rearranged a man's face for fun and takes joy in destroying the Nightmare Realm. But after threating Ford he leaves him unharmed. Very mentally scarred, yes, but safe and intact. He even gives him three days to get his life together. And then treats it like a messy breakup when Ford finally breaks free. Hell, it seems like he was more upset about losing Ford than losing the portal.
All this is to say that I think from Bill's point of view he was being genuinely kind to Ford. He gave him gifts, complimented him, and tried to work things out peacefully when Ford started pulling away (again, his very messed up version of peaceful, but the point still stands).
So when they do finally meet again? Bill still offers Ford a spot next to him. Again, I originally thought this was more playing into Ford's ego while taking a cheap shot at him (i.e. you'll fit in great with the freaks!), but by now it's obvious he wants Ford. He's petty and cruel and horribly abusive about it, but in his own twisted way he likes Ford. A lot. Enough to show mercy (or at least not be as violent as he could be) and to try and give him multiple chances to come back, no apology needed!
And the worst part is Bill knows this. Bill's trying to make this relationship work. He feels connected to Ford in a way he quite possibly hasn't felt with anyone else. And he knows its doomed to fail. In his mind he has to destroy everything he touches and everything he cares about. Any other connections he has are either superficial or dead to him (usually literally). This relationship will end the same way, it's just in Bill's nature. To him, that's all his relationships are capable of being.
All this just makes me sad and adds so much depth and I'm obsessed. There's just something about self-destructive and truly cruel characters having moments where they wish they weren't that way. Where they'll come the closest they ever can to apologizing for how they are.
Tumblr media
(Also Bill literally wanted Ford to get a tattoo saying 'If lost return to Bill' like we cannot just ignore that oh my god)
402 notes · View notes