#at least here i don’t have to worry about being sent away into a hospital

[honeypleasejustkillme]

nothing is real and yet i am attached to the internet like it’s what birthed me

[jasminumdew]

Chained

Yandere!Rafayel x Fem!Reader

Tags: obsessive Rafayel, kidnapped, Rafayel being very delusional, I think that's all

Wc: 690

He’s been noticing every move of you very closely recently. It’s like an alarm goes off inside his head whenever you check your phone and stifle your giggle while walking with him down the alley, or when you stop dead on your track seeing a crow, or staying at the hospital way too late for a normal patient. All of these odd behaviors must have their sources, so he looked through your social media, following you around at a mindful distance, blending in the crowd, just to find out what you’re up to. 

You can’t blame him for acting like a creep, in his point of view, it’s just to make sure you’re safe and not do anything stupid, and by “stupid”, it is when you, so innocently and mindlessly chatting and flirting with other boys in the Destiny Cafe without remembering that you belong to him, your one and true love. Oh? You got yourself three boys on your roster? He wouldn’t even consider him being one of them, cause he must be taking up more space in your heart and your mind. At least that’s what he wanted to believe. You’re such a naughty girl, hanging out with other boys, knowing full well you only need him to take care of you. 

But now…Weren’t those dates you shared together not matter to you? The constant texts and calls that once warmed his cold and lifeless heart now seem so meaningless, stupid, and naive. Did he too spoil you so that you think you can get away with anything? You don’t deserve nice gestures, you know that, right? Bad girls like you need punishments. There won’t be any silly dates where you dance together in the pouring rain, play claw machine, or ride tandem bicycle together anymore.

After all 800 years of waiting tirelessly, he never thought there would ever be the time you two get to meet again. But somehow, the stars all aligned, he gets to hold you in his arms again in this life. This has to be the sign that the universe sent directly to him, to keep you to himself forever and never let you leave again. So, he had to take matters into his own hands now that you’re misbehaving and refusing to belong to him alone. 

You will stay down here in his basement from now on, waiting for him every day to feed you, to shower you, to give you some sleeping pills, poor girl, it must be hard to get familiar with this new life. Don’t worry, he’s prepared everything for you already, maybe after he found out about your unusual behavior, or maybe even before that a little bit, or perhaps right after he met you again after 800 years, who knows? But the important thing is, you will be safe there, under his supervision, and never get to leave his side ever again. You can scream and cry and beg for help however you please, there’s no one living in this part of the Whitesand Bay beside him. Oh, you don’t need to worry about others trying to find you. He’s already faked your death with a gas explosion in your house, deleting every evidence of his existence in your life, but guess what? He brought your favorite stuffies for you, isn’t that so considerate? 

A little advice here, you might not even see the brightness of sunlight or the moisture from the morning dew ever again if you keep acting up darling. If you try to be nice for once, get rid of that hatred in your eyes and ask him nicely with that sweet sweet voice of yours, promising that you’ll be a good girl and never try to escape from him anymore, and yes, you will carry his children, then he might change his mind and let you stay in his bedroom, he’s always been a softie, you know it. But you would still be chained to his bedframe, of course, considering how you’ve left him so many times before. He cannot lose you again, his muse, his children’s mother, his beloved bride.

[countrymusiclover]

3 - A Sloan Date

Part 4

Feisty Coffee Girl

Running my fingers through my hair I chuckled nervously feeling my face turn red with the interns watching our interaction. “I guess I’m meeting you for the second time, Mark Sloan.”

My entire body had frozen at that moment. I reached into my pocket of my coat drawing out my phone. Scanning through my phone contacts I saw that the number had called me when I had picked up my daughter from school. “You've been blowing up my phone for almost two weeks.”

“I thought you would have called me back by now if you were interested and most people I’m with are typically interested when we first meet.” Mark responded to me shoving his hands inside his coat pockets.

Christina spoke up first behind us. “You know the Mark Sloan.”

“Not really. We only met one time when I worked at the coffee shop.” I corrected her statement before she assumed we had a long past together when we didn't.

Meredith raised a brow. “So how did you two meet?”

“He wanted a coffee and I gave him a scone recommendation. That was basically all.” I looked at the girl.

Izzie finally rounded the nurse desk grabbing me by the back of my jacket pushing me away from the coffee guy. “You listen here Mr. You stay away from her. She doesn't want anything to do with you!”

“Woah Iz dial it down a bit would ya. Nothing happened.” I pushed my way around her, not clear on what she was so pushy about. He was a guy that we were meeting for the first time. He couldn't wrong me from our first meeting.

Mark smiled at me, sending me a wink. “Don’t worry she'd have to let me take her on first before we could ever get serious.”

I felt my face turning red at his words and it only got deeper when our gaze locked onto the other. I didn't feel up to dating at the moment. I had my daughter to think about first and foremost before anybody else. “Mark, I'll at least take you up on your offer to buy me a drink.” I finally spoke towards the plastics surgeon.

“Y/n!” Izzie gasped in disgust.

Waving my hand at her I focused on Mark. “What time were you thinking or what time do you get off of work?”

“How about a quarter to never.” Izzir growled behind me.

Mark put his hands in the pockets of his dark pants. “I'd say around 7. Does that work for you?”

“That’s fine with me.” I replied back.

Someone cleared their throat behind him and we saw an older black guy standing before us. “Dr. Sloan can I see you in my office?”

“Sure chief. I'll see you tonight, feisty coffee girl.” Mark sent me a wink following him to his office on the next floor of the hospital.

Another doctor walks over to our group that had styled black hair and soft eyes that met in Meredith’s direction but says nothing for a few minutes. The man finally did say something to the group though. “So. Who’s the feisty coffee girl?”

“That would be me.” I raised my hand moving away from Izzie, extending my hand to the guy. “Y/n, Y/n Stevens .”

“Derek Shepherd. Nice to meet you. Uh I'm sorry but do you know the kid driving the wheelchair through the hospital?” Derek introduced himself before my eyes went wide, turning around on my feet.

I jumped backwards away from him when a wheelchair came running past us and I instantly saw my daughter being the one driving it through the hospital area. “Uh sorry but I have to go. I’ll see you later, Izzie. Eve!” Chasing after her it took me a good few minutes before I had caught up with her and we made our way home since I had to get ready for my date with a doctor.

“Why can’t I come with you?” Everly asked me eating her chicken bites that I had made for her in the oven.

Slipping on my tenna shoes I was standing in my bedroom with the door open so we could still talk. “Because where mommy is going tonight isn't a place for kids. Don't worry we will spend the whole day together tomorrow to make up for it.” I told my young child looking at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t been on a date in forever.

“I'll get it!” The doorbell rang with Everly opening it revealing Caroline who closed it behind her.

She sat her bag down searching for me. “Y/n, I want to see your outfit before the date tonight!”

“Does this look too simple? It feels too simple but we're just supposed to go out for drinks. I mean it isn't helping this is my first date since I had Eve basically but-” I was cut off with my best friend raising a hand.

She eyed my outfit, which was some ripped blue jeans and a light orange lace shirt that was short sleeved. I left my hair down where I had curled the ends of it to look slightly cuter. “You look cute and he clearly found you attractive in your work uniform so you shouldn’t have to worry.”

“Okay I’ll choose to believe you.” I smiled, calling my daughter over. “Everly!”

She ran over to me when I lowered myself down to a knee hugging her before I left for the evening. “Promise me that you will be super good for Caroline while I am gone.” She looped her pinky with mine and I did the same making our promise. The bar that we were meeting at was near my apartment building so I could just walk down there. Walking down a few different streets I entered the bar seeing Mark sitting at one of the bar tables.

“There’s my feisty coffee girl.” Mark smirked when I sat down on the barstool across from him sitting my bag on the edge of the table. His eyes scanned over me not dropping the smirk. “You look cuter than you did in your work uniform.”

I blushed, snorting out a laugh. “I would hope so, Dr. Sloan.”

“Dr. Sloan, you don’t gotta call me that when we aren’t in the hospital. We’re on a first name basis aren’t we?” Mark smiled with a waitress bringing over two shots of tequila.

Picking up the glass I corrected my last statement. “My bad, Mark. But if we’re on a first name basis, call me Y/n.” We both raised our shot glasses and downed the drink yet I scrunch my nose at the bitter taste not used to doing strong alcohol.

“You okay, Y/n?” Mark asked, seeing the reaction on my face.

Covering my face with my freehand sitting my glass down on the table. When I got pregnant with Eve I didn’t have my first real drink until the day she went to elementary school. “Sorry tequila ain’t my thing.”

“We can go for something lighter. I ain’t picky especially if we can meet up again.” He met my gaze, waving the waiter over to get some different shots for us. We had done about four or five different shots just talking about his job and my job.

I wasn’t sure if I could tell him about my daughter yet. Most of the time when I did guys pretty much didn’t call me back after the date or just left during the date. If it was just me and Eve for a few more years I’d be somewhat okay with that. “You really want a second date. I didn’t think a simple coffee shop girl would impress a plastic surgeon.”

“You’re not a simple coffee girl, Y/n.” Mark sat his glass down reaching for my freehand laying on the table intertwining his with mine. “There’s something about you that interests me.”

I blurted out the question feeling embarrassed the second I said it. “You aren’t just saying that so I’ll sleep with you?”

“I’ll prove it.” He responded quickly back.

A curious look crossed my face. “How ya gonna do that?”

“While we keep going out I won’t sleep with anyone else. I won’t even mention it unless you want me too. Does that seem fair?” Mark squeezing my hand waiting for my response.

Squeezing his hand in mine I agreed to the offer not knowing what I was getting myself and my daughter at some point into. “Sounds like an interesting challenge. I accept it.” The night ended with him walking me back to my building and nothing more.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[the-twi-light-zone]

When I Met You, When I Chose You

When I first met Charlie Swan he was responding to a call with an aggravated female at the local grocery store. Aggravated female in question was me and in my defense I was just getting off a long shift from the hospital when some asshole pulled up behind me yelling about how I cut him off. Needless to say he got to close and said aggravated female sent a right hook and knocked him on his ass. I don’t know when my judgment left me but between being called a few choice words and some man getting in my personal space I lost it. 

I admit not my best moment and I did get my groceries and once I got out of the store and loaded my trunk the police showed up. A little more than a few witnesses described the encounter and in the back of chief Swan’s cruiser I went. As I sit in the back of the cruiser chief Swan makes way for the driver's seat. The cold air he lets in is a bit refreshing as it was stuffy. 

“So chief Swan I gotta ask, is there any way we can let all this go? I just need to go to bed. I got off a long shift from the hospital and honestly this wasn’t my best moment today I will admit that” My voice fills the empty air around us as he sits there filling out paperwork. “Well miss Brax I only needed to make sure you weren’t going to be a danger so I don’t see why we couldn’t let this go. You have a clean record, and I don’t show a history of you randomly swinging on random people.” His voice is gruff but his eyes that flash into the mirror when I snort is all I needed to finish both of our thoughts. “I mean no, but he really needed that. You don’t just roll up on someone like that, but anyway, when do you think I’ll be able to get out of here?”

He looks away and continues writing down on some documents, and when he puts his pen down. He hops out of the car and opens the back door and begins to help me out. “Face away miss Brax.” Charlie asks as I am finally standing outside the vehicle. “Sir, yes sir.” I say as I stomp my left foot and turn. His fingers are warm as he handles my wrists and hands delicately and takes off the cuffs that were detaining me. I sigh in relief as I bring my hands back around to the front of me. “Thanks Chief, I’ll see you around on a better day I hope...” I say open ended as I turn to face him walking backwards towards my car. He nods chuckles and waves, “me to miss Brax, have a better rest of your day.” He says as I nod in return smiling lightly and respond with a you too. 

~Two Months later~

What a day, another busy day and it only got busier as it seems the flu is going around, and a bunch of dehydrated teens and over worried parents sitting in my ER is not what I needed today. Receiving notice that I was being moved from my current position at this hospital across the US to Georgia. I had a choice to make as currently my ‘friend’ Charlie was currently waiting for me to show up at his home and go to dinner. I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to leave. Although there was nothing really holding me here, I still felt the need to at least stay for longer to see what could be. 

My thoughts follow me all the way to Charlie’s and as I park my car, I look over to see him already at the front door hands in his front pockets. A grin almost shadowed completely by his mustache. I grin at him and grab my bag as I pull myself out of the driver’s seat. I walk up the sidewalk and up his front steps. The front door swings open and Charlie waves me in. “Now my day is complete.” I say as I walk in and straight to the couch where I plop down and wait for Charlie to announce if he is ready. “So, the diner in town okay with you?” He asks as he comes around and sits down next to me. 

Laughing I nod, “yes Charlie, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I say. Nodding he stands with a grunt and turns to offer me his hand to pull me up which I take. I begin to walk to the door and before I know it were being sat at the table in the corner by the windows. Sitting to Charlies right we both greet Cora as she sets down our menus and gives us a smile and makes some small-town talk and gossip. Charlie gets his normal steak dinner and I get my normal salmon and salad. Stealing a few fries from Charlie when he looked away, although I know he knew I took them. 

“So, I got a call today from my agency Charlie.” I start off as I sip on my Soda. Charlie furrows his brow and nods, “what did they want?” He asks as he wipes his moth with a napkin and rests his hands on either side of his plate. I hesitate before I respond not knowing where this conversation might go. “They said I have one week left here before I am being relocated to Georgia. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go but figured I would talk to you about it first.” My eyes stay on his face to watch his reaction. He swallows, pursed his lips and looks down at his empty plate.

“Well, I think I would like it if you stayed, but I’ll still be here for whatever you decide.” He says and looks into my eye a small smile resting on his face. I smile and rest my hand on his, “well looks like I’ll be quitting and finding permanent residence here huh?” He chuckles taking my hand in his. 

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now - ch. 13

Fic masterlist

Thank you for your patience ❤️

This chapter is my baby. I know I say this every time, but some of the scenes took me longer to write than entire chapters. So *cracks knuckles* if you don’t like it… just kidding I won’t do anything 😂 but please don’t let me know if that’s the case lmaoo

Words: 4,9k

Warnings: language, postpartum depression

The yet to be named Galathynius-Whitethorn firstborn came into the world on October 19th, after 13 hours of labor.

Rowan almost lost his mind with worry. It was the best day of his life.

Aedion was holding the baby, his eyes darting between Rowan and the little bundle on his arms. “Holy rutting Mala, the baby is Rowan’s.”

Aelin gave him an unamused look from the hospital bed. “You just figured that one out?”

“You don’t get it.” He lifted the baby so her face would be side by side with Rowan’s from Aedion’s point of view. “It’s like he made a girl clone of himself. It’s day one, and she’s already frowning like Whitethorn.”

To be honest, Rowan was more focused on the way Aelin’s cousin was carrying the baby than on his words. Aedion Ashryver wasn’t exactly a graceful person, and watching him carry that very fragile baby made Rowan a little tense.

”Enough of that.” Orlon took the baby from Aedion’s arms, making Rowan’s shoulders drop an inch. “Do you have no clue about what to name her?”

Aelin and Rowan exchanged a look, then she said, “Our favorite so far is Maisie.”

“It’s beautiful!” Philippa beamed, studying Aelin with a fond look while Orlon agreed with her.

Darrow came closer to his husband and cooed at the little one. “It suits her.”

“I don’t know.” Aedion wrinkled his nose. “I like Aedinna better.”

“Aedion,” Philippa cautioned.

Aelin was shooting daggers at him, jaw tight as she grabbed the tissue box from the bedside table.

Rowan went stiff. “That’s enough—“

Smirking, Aedion added, “Or Wiggly Jiggly—“

“Shut up!” Aelin aimed the tissue box at her cousin and sent it flying across the room. “You’re such a fucking loser!”

“Aw.” Aelin’s cousin beamed. “Is it the first time you curse in front of the baby?”

Instead of the usual glaring that was expected, Aelin’s face faltered. She clamped her lips together and blinked, but at the same time the baby started fussing on Orlon’s arms, then he immediately gave her back to Aelin, not knowing what to do.

Enough of visitors. Rowan’s blood was beginning to boil under his skin, so he looked at his watch. His online sources said the visits shouldn’t be longer than 30 minutes, and they’ve been here for 32 already. It was time to kick everyone out.

“Aedion. Out,” Rowan said through gritted teeth, low but stern. He didn’t give a fuck that Aelin’s cousin was raised as her brother or how they’d tease each other. She got upset, and Rowan only had one job. He gave Orlon, Darrow and Philippa something that could at least resemble a smile. “Please.”

The elder ones of the family were good sports about being kicked out, just taking a second to say their goodbyes before leaving.

Except that when Rowan was holding the door for them to leave, Darrow asked to talk outside and led him a few steps away from everyone, enough to give them some privacy.

“I won’t apologize for putting you in jail.”

Rowan gave him a stiff nod. “I don’t expect you to, sir.”

“Good.” Colonel Darrow gave him a guarded look. “But I was upset, and I put Military Law before my family’s trust. That’s not something I’m proud of. It put me in enough trouble at home.”

Rowan would never know what happened in his house besides Aelin moving out, and he might not want to. Whatever his intentions were, Rowan broke the law, and his sentence for improper sexual conduct was fair. The only person to blame was himself.

“Because you are family now, Rowan, and I want you to feel welcome with Orlon and I.”

Rowan’s breath hitched until his body restarted so he could swallow a lump in his throat. “Thank you, sir.”

“But don’t fuck up again. I’m still your superior at work.”

There was not a chance Rowan would have sex inside base again. Not after going to the guardhouse for it, not after Aelin.

“There’ll be nothing but teaching at the Training Center, Colonel.” Rowan did his best to bite back a smile. “I have everything I could ask for at home.”

Darrow gave one last tap on Rowan’s shoulder. “I’m happy for you, kid.”

He watched Aelin’s family leave—his family too now, not his words—but not for long. He quickly went back to the room, his eyes meeting Aelin’s as soon as he entered the room again.

She looked nothing short of heavenly today in the Air Force’s maternity ward.

Aelin moved to the side a little, silently telling him to join her in the bed. She didn’t need to ask twice. There was a lot of paperwork waiting for Rowan, but it wouldn’t be done until they decided the baby’s name.

They just stayed there for a moment, watching their baby’s rosy cheeks—she was all bundled up, so it was all they could see—the loudest thing in the room being the AC running.

Rowan chewed on his lip, thinking about her telling her uncle she liked ‘Maisie’ best. “You don’t mind naming her after a junkie’s song?”

“What? No.” Aelin gave him a confused look. “The name is so cute, and my dad was a fan. I thought you were the one who didn’t want it.”

”You know…” a gentle kiss on the crown of Aelin’s head. “I have really good memories attached to that song.”

“So?”

Rowan caressed his daughter’s chubby cheeks. “I think Maisie is ready for another nap.”

Aelin smiled against his chest. ”So is Maisie’s mother.”

He brushed her hair back with his fingers and said, “Me too. Maybe I should teach Maisie’s first lesson on adulthood and make her fill her own paperwork.”

Aelin mentioned to pinch his side, but Rowan grabbed her hand before the minor assault. He restrained his hug as much as he could, careful with her tired postpartum body, and cuddled Aelin to sleep.

Of all the pain Rowan had to endure in his life, his favorite so far was feeling his cheeks hurt from grinning so much. All because of his girls.

He was living with Aelin, the mother of his child. Rowan had the whole package already, he just needed to convince Aelin of one thing.

Rowan held her tightly, and there was something in his mind as he did, repeating itself like a broken record while he felt it take over his body and soul.

He loved her

He loved her

He loved her

˜˜

Turns out pursuing Aelin while having a newborn was harder than Rowan thought.

Between tending Maisie and giving Aelin space to recover from giving birth, the last thing on Rowan’s mind was his own dick. Actually, pursuing the woman he loved in hopes to become an official family with her went beyond ‘thinking with his dick’, but that’s how Rowan felt when he considered asking her that when she looked so… Aelin was far from fragile, but she still seemed to be overwhelmed by postpartum hormones, or whatever made new moms sad.

Rowan opened the fridge and ran a hand through his face, not missing the sharpness of his unshaved cheek. Did Maisie drink all those bottles already? They were prioritizing breastfeeding, but Rowan would do anything to let Aelin rest as much as she could.

He was so sure her insomnia would end with the pregnancy, but she seemed to sleep even less now that Maisie was here.

“Rowan!”

He blinked, jerking towards the stove, where his mom was. “What?”

At first, they dismissed his mother when she first offered to spend a few weeks with them until things were settled, but now Rowan thanked her every night for insisting to stay. He had just realized how demanding a two-week-old can be.

“Were you listening to me?”

Rowan grimaced. “Can’t say I was, sorry.”

Rory’s shoulders dropped, nothing but fondness in her gaze. “Did you talk to Aelin?”

Rowan settled close to his mother to wash a few dirty bottles. “She told me she’s fine.”

His mother had her I-know-it-all look, the same one she gave him when Rowan was a teenager grew like a tree, but wouldn’t admit he was taking workout supplements.

“Could you not?” Rowan gave her a look to rival her Mom Look. He failed miserably.

She was turning the beef around on the pan, frowning at the half-cooked meat. “I’ve seen a lot of new moms, Rowan. I know what a happy one looks like.”

He flexed his jaw, scrubbing the bottle harder than necessary. “If you’ve seen a lot of new moms, you know they get overwhelmed after birth.”

Rory turned back to work on dinner. “It’d be a lot easier on her if she had an actual partner, you know?”

His neck stiffened, his pulse faster in a heartbeat. Rory’s hints about him marrying Aelin had gotten less and less subtle as the months passed. As much as Rowan wanted to do that, those comments still irked him.

“You’re telling me she won’t be happy until we’re married and I put a white picket fence around the house?”

“I’m not telling you to marry her because of whatever people my age say a family should look like.” Rory gave him a dagger-sharp look. “I’m telling you to marry Aelin because you’re in love, but you two don’t seem to know what to do with that.”

His chest tightened, and Rowan wouldn’t look Rory in the eye. “It’s complicated.”

Her posture relaxed, and her eyes and tone were a lot softer when she said, “It’s not. You see what you want, and you seize it.”

Rowan felt his throat closing, and he just rushed with the rest of the dishes before leaving to check on Aelin and Maisie. For Mala’s sake, was his mother this desperate for a daughter-in-law?

He stood by the open door, watching them before announcing his arrival. Aelin’s hand was gentle but restless as she patted Maisie’s back, her eyes distant as she tried to burp the little girl.

Rowan would act on his feelings when the time was right, he was happy to just watch his family in the meanwhile.

And Aelin… she was recovering from giving birth. That’s the reason she wouldn’t get out of bed.

He sat beside her on the bed. “She’s done feeding?”

“Not quite.”

Rowan extended both hands. “Can I try?”

Since the usual technique wasn’t working, Rowan decided to try something he saw online. He held Maisie against his chest and shoulder as usual, but gently swiveled her bottom instead of patting her back.

Until the cutest little burp echoed through Aelin’s room. A completely different experience from the ones he’s used to hearing at the Air Force’s mess hall.

”There she is.” He kissed Maisie’s belly and held her in front of him, father and daughter staring at each other with the same pine green eyes. “Did you like Mommy’s dinner?”

“She better enjoy it while she can, that’s the only dinner I can make.”

Rowan squeezed her hand. “I’ll take care of that once she grows some teeth.”

She leaned against the bedpost, lips flat. “Of course you will.”

His breath caught inside his chest. Did he say something wrong?

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Aelin bowed her head and grimaced. “I didn’t mean to snap, it’s just—“ she ran both hands through her hair. “I feel like I’m always messing up with Maisie.”

Rowan hummed, moving himself and the baby closer to Aelin. “I think Maisie disagrees, since you’re very clearly her favorite person.”

This line was supposed to make Aelin smile, but it completely backfired now that she was staring at the ceiling and blinking back tears.

“Wanting me is just her instinct. She’s biologically inclined to do that.”

He caressed her shoulder, trying to comfort her in any way he could. “Instinct or not, I still think you’re a great mom.”

“And you’re like a dream dad that came straight from a diaper ad.“ She gave him a weak smile. “It’s annoying sometimes. I love it.”

Aelin leaned her head against his shoulder and they stayed there, savoring the moment until Maisie decided it was enough.

It wouldn’t be long until the time to act on his fluttering stomach came. Rowan would pour his heart out, put a ring on her finger, and have as many children as she wanted.

He’d do it when the time was right.

˜˜

“Who’s ready for some beach-themed therapy?” Yrene greeted them into her office with a huge grin, holding a beach ball with emotions written on it.

Aelin threw her head back, laughing. “What’s that?”

That made Rowan’s chest fill with warmth, and it was a well-known fact that he could live his whole life gravitating around that laughter alone. He flexed his hands, then gave in to the ache in his fingers and fondly brushed them against the middle of her back. Aelin gave him a quick smile and turned back to their therapist.

Yrene gave them space to walk inside while explaining, “We use this activity mostly with teenagers, but I thought it’d be nice to get you in the mood for your trip.”

After they discussed last week’s homework, she explained that it consisted of passing the ball around, reading the first word that pops in and telling one time they felt that way. Easy.

“Furious.” Aelin gaped at the ball, and then at Yrene. “That’s a way to start.”

“Now you tell us a time when your family made you furious,” their therapist said.

Aelin squinted her eyes at him. “When you cut Maisie’s hair without telling me.”

Rowan grimaced. Fatherhood was hard, but nothing could prepare him for dealing with his daughter’s hair. There were so many different creams, he always got the hairstyles wrong, and she’d scream bloody murder while getting her hair rinsed.

So Rowan did the logical thing and cut his toddler’s hair around the chin.

Maisie liked it, but Aelin yelled so much at him she nearly ruptured his eardrums.

She had one arm holding the ball against her, the other on her hip. “You have nothing to say for yourself?”

“It grew back.”

Aelin threw the ball at him a little harsher than necessary. “Your turn.”

By the looks of it, there was a reason therapists chose a beach ball, and not something heavier and therefore deadlier to do this dynamic with.

“Thankful.” Rowan twirled the ball in his hands, smiling inwardly. “When Maisie trashed my house while I took a nap and you helped me clean it up.”

His memory broke her angry stance, making Aelin’s shoulders relax. “You could’ve pressed charges against Maisie for what she did to your house.”

“Technically, I could arrest her myself, but I don’t think the Brigadier would approve.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, like she always did when someone joked about her being the Air Force’s nepo baby, and he passed her the beach ball.

“Appreciated.” Aelin had a wistful smile on, and looked as if it was a crystal glass showing her past. “When I was pregnant, you’d leave the house in the middle of the night to buy something I was craving.”

Rowan’s heart constricted with the memory, but he knew he’d do it all over again. Getting to know her, living with her while they watched Maisie grow made those some of the best days of his life.

Flooded with memories, he almost missed the beach ball when Aelin passed it to him. It was like time stopped when Rowan grabbed it and read the first word his eyes settled in, his chest caving and the floor falling beneath his feet. Should he lie? There was only one time he felt—

“What’s the word, Rowan?” Yrene asked when silence stretched for too long.

He swallowed. “Betrayed.”

“What?” Aelin let out a low, shaky laugh. “I never betrayed—“

“When you asked me to leave.”

Aelin was rooted to her spot, gaping until she blurted, “How was that a betrayal?”

Yrene cleared her throat. “Let’s remember this should be a safe space to share our—“

“You want me to be petty now?” Rowan shook his head and started finger-counting everything he barely remembered now, but weighted on him six years ago. “You were my student. You had a boyfriend. I went against every rule I had for you.” Rowan’s mouth opened and closed, his breathing ragged as he voiced every feeling he ditched over the last six years, like weed growing from small cracks in an old road he buried with asphalt day after day. “I went to *jail* for you. I fixed your entire house for you—“

“I didn’t force you to do any of that—“

“But you forced me to leave!“ Rowan sat on the couch and scraped his palms against his face, trying to think of the right words. ”I know things were shitty, but you were clutching Maisie to your chest when you told me to pack my things and leave!” He held one finger up while holding his head down and took one deep breath. And another. And another. Until the boiling in his blood calmed down.

He continued after a moment, “I didn’t mean to snap. I know that wasn’t exactly a betrayal, but emotions don’t always align with facts, or whatever Yrene has been telling us.”

Aelin sat by his side, reading every line of his wretched expression with her own, and said, “I wish I’d done things differently, but I couldn’t make the right choices because my mind wasn’t in the right place.” She playfully elbowed his side with a small, tentative smile. “Or whatever Yrene has been telling us.”

Rowan slowly nodded, knowing he’d mull this words over and over after this session ended. “I wish I’d done things differently too. I can’t stop thinking about every time I messed up that year since…” Since Ansel suggested that he was the reason Aelin kicked him out, but he wouldn’t open this Pandora‘s box now. Rowan sighed, all the weight of these six years heavy on his shoulders. “I‘ve been trying to puzzle things together, and the only conclusion I get to is that I failed you and Maisie.”

Aelin squeezed his hand. “You never did.”

She meant well, but hearing that she regretted her decision and that it wasn’t his fault wasn’t reassuring at all. It only sent him back to square one, even more confused.

Aelin took a deep, pained breath and closed her eyes, then fiddled with his fingers. She must’ve read something on his face, because she added, “I wish I could give you a better answer and explain those last few days to you, but I don’t remember Maisie’s first months very well.”

Rowan caressed her wrist with his thumb, not knowing what to say. It was odd that she didn’t remember, but—

Yrene cleared her throat. “And remember that if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your own thoughts, I’ll be happy to help you with that.”

Beating himself up for every little thing he did six years ago was a natural response for losing the love of his life. Rowan had no idea why his therapist was so obsessed with him starting individual sessions.

He looked back at Aelin, noticing her unguarded expression and how the touch of her hand covering his wired and soothed him at the same time.

Right now, he just needed one thing.

˜˜

“Why is this taking so long?” Maisie whined from the backseat of the car they just rented.

Rowan had an ‘I told you so’ ready, but it wouldn’t help with anything now. With a plane trip to Southeastern Doranelle and a long drive to his parents’ house on the same day, he knew getting into the long drive-thru line would only make Maisie stressed. The problem is that his daughter was as stubborn as she was impatient.

“I don’t know, honey.” Aelin gasped from the passenger, eyes wide in a display of theatrics she only did to entertain Maisie. “Maybe they’re ordering the whole menu.”

“They’re taking forever.” The little girl crossed her arms, unamused. “Why did everyone’s daddy have to grab lunch today?” Maisie was doing distressed, dramatic gestures with her arms. “Where’s all the mommies?”

Rowan’s spine went rigid and he frowned at his daughter. “What do you mean?”

“Rowan…” Aelin grimaced and bit back her laughter at the same time. “You’re a slow driver. I thought you knew that already.”

His eyes widened. “I’m not!”

Aelin threw her head back, laughing. “You are! And Maisie has your road rage.”

He shook his head, but swallowed his retort when the car in front of them got their bag. He hit the brake pedal, hands clutching the steering wheel as he leaned forwards, breathlessly waiting… but the car wouldn’t move.

“Ugh!” Maisie looked up and sighed. “Daddy, do you want me to get out and push so they’ll move?”

Her “threat” worked like a charm, now that the car moved and they were one step closer to getting a meal. Rowan’s lips were pinched together, restrained, but when he saw Aelin’s shoulders shaking with her head between her hands, he silently rested his head on the steering wheel and did the same.

It should be illegal to feel this amused at his own daughter’s frustration, but Maisie was too cute with road rage.

After they got their food and went back to the road, Aelin put on the Little Mermaid soundtrack again. The girls were singing at the top of their lungs, and Rowan could finally agree that this was better than having the GPS on and not taking a wrong turn every fifteen minutes. He didn’t remember how many times he listened to Under the Sea today, but he remembered getting warm, funny feelings in his chest every time their voices got louder than the song.

Before the trip really began, Rowan already accepted that the vacation was theirs, and he was just the chauffeur.

He wasn’t supposed to love this idea this much.

However, his mind was half there, half on the last therapy session they had. It hadn’t left his mind ever since he stepped out of Yrene’s office.

Aelin told him very clearly she wished she’d done things differently.

Restless nights, charged pauses when they spoke, fingers hovering over his phone’s keyboard. Rowan felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, on the verge of jumping and asking a detailed explanation of what she meant, in whatever way that would answer all the questions in his head. Or at least the most important one.

“Use your words, boy and ask her!” They sang in the background of Rowan’s anxiety. “If the time is right and the time is tonight, go on and kiss the girl!”

Rowan paused the song with a heartbeat faster than it should, but not without groans of protest. “What’s that?”

“Kiss the Girl!” Maisie whined. “Daddy, I want the song back.”

“Okay, okay.” He put the song back, feeling a tad guilty for disrupting an already stressed Maisie. “Sorry, kiddo.”

Rowan only relaxed when the song ended, though, and half of the weight of his shoulders left his body later, when they finally got to their destination.

Maisie burst into his parents’ beach house as soon as her door unlocked like the little cannonball she was.

“Go on.” Rowan nudged Aelin forward. “I got the bags.”

Stubborn as the day she was born, Aelin took her bag from his hand. “I’m not gonna barge into your parent’s house like I’m their five-year-old granddaughter.”

This was ridiculous, considering how much Rory and Owen loved her, but he understood why she was a little guarded now. Rowan came here with Maisie once or twice a year, but it was Aelin’s first time visiting.

“Knowing my parents, they might even like it.” Rowan snorted, shaking his head. “They already act like you’re the daughter they never had, anyway.”

He took two steps towards the house, but Aelin didn’t follow. She was staring, frozen with an indecipherable look aimed at him, and the realization of what he’d just said rooted him to the ground, his body so heavy it expanded to his core.

This week at therapy. If she was looking at him like this, it meant that being part of the family to his mother meant something to her. Every single interaction now led him back to therapy.

She dumped him, but she wished she’d done things differently.

Of all the reactions Rowan thought she’d have if he ever voiced the thoughts that made him pace in the middle of the night, holding his hand and apologizing wasn’t one of them.

Maybe he held back for being still used to the explosive reactions he got from her before family therapy, or maybe he knew he’d never say it out loud only to have his fears confirmed.

That he focused on the baby and didn’t pay her enough attention. That he was working too long hours. That his fussiness made him micromanage her mothering—which Rowan was actively trying to stop. That she got trapped with him, then decided she could have more.

But whatever happened that year, she wishes she’d done things differently.

“Aelin!” His mother shouted from the front door, stepping out their way. “I couldn’t believe my ears when Rowan told me you’d come!”

She hugged Rory, finally out of that trance. “Your house is so beautiful.”

His father showed up with Maisie while pleasantries were being exchanged. “About time,” the old man mock-complained.

“Sorry we’re late.” Rowan gave his dad a man hug and got the usual two pats on the back. “Maisie and Aelin turned off the GPS. The voice directions were disturbing their Disney sing-along.”

“Oh, that’s understandable.” Owen picked his granddaughter up, grinning. “I didn’t know you like singing with your mom that much, Maisy Daisy.”

She nodded with all the earnestness a five-year-old could muster. “The songs are fun, and Mommy is really brave.”

“Maisie!” Aelin chastised, her lips somewhere between a gape and a smile. “Why am I ‘brave’ for singing?”

The little girl just giggled and hid her face on her grandpa’s shoulder.

Rowan slowly shook his head, never failing to be amused at his daughter. He was ready to defend Aelin‘s skills, but that was her own sass biting her in the ass. Maisie might’ve gotten the Whitethorn looks, but that fiery personality was all Aelin’s.

On the second floor, Rowan got his usual guest room, but his mother was still showing everything because of Aelin.

“This one I prepared for you.” She was pointing everything around, assuming everyone was catching up. “There’s Sellene’s room, the other is Enda’s. Their kids have a room for themselves, they just asked me to put on a show about a boy and dogs.”

Maisie’s eyes brightened. “Pawtrols.”

“That one!” Rory crouched down enough to be eye to eye with Maisie. “Well, the kids’ room I prepared has a TV and lots of toys.” She pointed at a door down the hall. “You could sleep there with your cousins and leave the other room just to your mom and dad.”

Rowan didn’t know why he was surprised.

Maisie crossed her arms. “No.”

Rory’s face fell. “What.”

The little girl put her foot down, dramatically shaking her head. “I wanna stay with Mommy and Daddy.”

His mother didn’t agree or protest, knowing she was already bordering the line between scheming and being pushy.

“We don’t have to decide now.” Rowan crouched to talk to Maisie, ready to get rid of that weird tension. “You can stay with us for as long as you want, and play during the day or have sleepovers with your cousins when you feel like it.”

Aelin wiggled her eyebrows. “You could have both rooms, Mais.”

The little girl’s eyes lit up with the idea. “Can I have both rooms, Grandma?”

“Of course you can, honey.” Rory grinned at her granddaughter, all the distress from her failed plan vanished already. “You three get settled, everyone’s downstairs.”

When they set the bags on the room, Maisie threw herself on the bed while Aelin excused herself to the bedroom.

Rowan laid on the bed next to his little girl, where the three of them would sleep squashed together. It’d be nice to have some alone time with Aelin, but he was also incapable of saying no to Maisie.

Besides, his mother didn’t need to trap him into anything with Aelin, he’d do it this time. Forget about reading her cues and waiting for the perfect time, he was tired of feeling like his soul was being ripped into threads every time he watched her eyes light up while her lips arch into a smile.

Rowan wished he’d done things differently too, but that had to stop somewhere.

And if he didn’t have a shot with Aelin, he’d at least fight for what he wanted this time.

She walked back into the room, smiled, and laid on the other side of the bed, hugging Maisie as well.

He’d make a move and do everything on his mind in the near future. Right now, he had a family hug to attend.

“Mom? Dad?”

Aelin hummed.

“You’re a slice of bread.”

Rowan frowned. ”I don’t get it.”

Their daughter beamed. “I’m the cheese!”

That earned her a chuckle. Indeed, Maisie was sandwiched between them in a hug.

Aelin smacked a kiss on her cheek. “You’re our Mayomaisie.”

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[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

I hope this doesn't come across as an inappropriate question, but if Spider in Cabin experienced physical abuse and being SA'd by foster family and that would cause him to serious panic when he is physically touched and even more when would get tied to a bed as is the case in the story, would Quaritch have done it anyway? Or would he have changed his approach and limited physical touch at least at first? Again, I hope this question doesn't sound weird!

I don’t find it weird so no worries. I will put a warning on this for anyone who doesn’t want to read about these topics though. So content warning for mentions of S.A and abuse. There’s nothing graphic here, just discussions of the aftermath of trauma but still warnings all around.

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So speaking from my own experience here, s.a changes you forever. You can absolutely heal from it. That’s why I have no issue talking about it. But your perspective on relationships will never ever be the same again

Spider would push down the trauma. He’d do it so well that it almost doesn’t affect him. Until something triggers him of course. He naturally has his defensives up. It’s like there’s a wall between him and everyone else so he never runs the risk of being touched or even getting emotionally close to others. It’s seeing other kids interact with their parents/guardians that really messes with him. Seeing all those hair ruffles, pats on the backs and hugs so innocently given out. Those kids naïve, trusting faces. Something he can never know again.

Quaritch is keeping close eyes on his son and so he feels immense guilt that the one time he took his attention away the worst thing happened to his boy. He had sent in an anonymous report to the police saying that he himself had been spotted in the area so Spider could immediately be moved. What he wanted to do was report the sicko who dared to touch his son but he knew a real conviction would be slim and it would only re traumatize Spider in the process. So he takes matters into his own hands. He’s not about to beat the person within an inch of his life like he did to his wife’s killer. He learned that lesson already. Instead he picks the lock on their car while they’re stopped at a gas station before work and poisons their lunch. By one in the afternoon they’re being hospitalized. By that evening they’ve died a horrifically painful death.

I also imagine that after this Quaritch would be speeding up his plans to take back Spider so he can keep him safe. He’d have is entire team up on the mountain to finish the cabin as quickly as possible. So maybe Spider is more in the 13-14 year old range instead of 15 like at the start of Cabin. And instead of a big dramatic kidnapping Quaritch sneaks into Spider’s current residence while he’s asleep, gives him a drug to make him stay asleep, then just carries him out.

Now I’ve said in the past that I actually regretted writing about Quaritch tying Spider to his bed at the start of Cabin. I knew it was fucked up but after getting way more fucked up questions that do actually make me uncomfortable I reassessed how far I had taken things in Cabin and it made me think that I had made things too messed up, since I was attracting questions about some really gross kink stuff.

I think my re write and expansion of my original one shot did help to at least create a richer story that I am proud of. But if I could go back to before my original one shot was posted I would change it so that Quaritch just locked Spider in his room at night and kept the front doors locked during the day. 

But he wouldn’t even do that here. Quaritch would just lock up everything that could be used as a weapon. Other than that Quaritch doesn’t want his son to feel trapped so he has free rein of the house.

Spider is of course freaked out when he wakes up. Quaritch keeps his distance trying to calm him down with just his words and tone of voice. Then Quaritch lays everything on the table. “I know what happened.”

Spider dies inside, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play that game. I know what happened. And I am so sorry for that son. I should have fought harder for you. I should have taken you back sooner.” He’s so sincere and is looking at Spider with such pity but also genuine love. It twists Spider’s stomach. “I want you to know I killed them,” Spider looks at him shocked, “that’s right. I killed them. For daring to lay a hand on my boy. And then I built you this house to keep you safe. So you’ll never be hurt again.”

Spider feels like he might puke. He feels like he might cry either from the fear, relief or from the way his heart seems to be breaking. But he refuses to let any of these emotions out. Instead he curls into a ball, rocking slightly in place. “You kidnapped me. And you’ve got me all alone. How do I know you won’t….”

“I would never, ever do that to you.” Quaritch softly pleads to him, “I understand that those are just words though. Just give me a chance to show you. After that if you still don’t trust me I’ll take you back myself.”

Spider thinks about it. He never lived with the Sully’s in this au so he hasn’t had a home where he felt safe or loved. The thought of having a stable home is nice but what really gets him to say yes is the fact that his dad killed his abuser.

So Spider isn’t running. That invisible wall feels more like a fortress as he goes about his day to day with his dad. If it wasn’t for that barrier it would all be nice. Normal. His dad respects his boundaries and never pushes for more. Very very slowly his walls start to thin.

He’s been there for months without making any progress in his relationship with his dad but he is cautiously comfortable. And then he gets sick. He can’t move without getting lightheaded, he’s so lethargic and he can barely keep food down. Still he’s determined to take care of himself. He does his best to hide his illness but his dad clocks him in seconds. “Get back in bed,” Quaritch says, “I’ll take care of you.”

Spider’s anxiety spikes, “I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”

“But you don’t have to. Now go to bed. I’ll bring you some medicine.”

Spider’s so feverish, miserable and scared that he doesn’t care that he sounds like a whiny little kid when he says, “I don’t want to!”

“Son,” Quaritch is calm but insistent, “you’re really sick. You need bed rest and medicine and you need to let me take care of you.”

“No I don’t!”

His dad sighs, “Junior I want to do right by you. I know you still don’t trust me and being vulnerable is making you afraid. I get that. But you��re sick. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to take care of you. So please get back in bed.”

Spider’s heart is racing. He feels like he can’t breathe. The room is swaying. “No!”

“Son please. Get back in bed or I’m going to have to carry you there.”

“No!” Spider turns to run. His dad picks him up around the waist kicking and screaming. When he lays him in bed Spider bursts into tears. “Don’t! Please don’t! Help! Someone help me!” Quaritch gets teary eyed. He smooths Spider’s hair out of his face gently shushing him. Spider bucks the touch. “Stop! Dad please stop. Please stop….”

His sobs become too strong from him to speak. Quaritch holds him through it all. When Spider cries himself out Quaritch dries his eyes and wipes his face then makes sure Spider is comfortable. While his dad goes to get him some water and medicine, Spider sits there feeling hollowed out in that good post break down kind of way. His dad could have hurt him but he didn’t. Instead he pet his hair, rubbed his back and held him in that innocent way he’s seen from so many other parents. And it was nice. It made him feel safe.

When his dad re enters the room he smiles at him, soft and loving. He hands Spider a glass of water, tucks his hair behind his ear then pulls up a chair to his bedside. “You gonna be okay tiger?”

Spider nods, “yeah dad. I think I’m going to be okay.”

[inconsistentwriting]

Mission: Save the city.

Pairing: Carlos Oliveira x G/N reader.

Notes: English is not my first language. Random acquisition of baby. Part 1 of ?? If you show some support I might do a part two.

How did all of this happen? One moment I was clocking out of my shift at the hospital, walking home, and the next one was taking refuge in the deposit of a grocery shop. The streets of Raccoon City were filled with screams, fire and dead, or undead, to be more specific. I heard the metal curtain of the deposit being opened, a man’s voice calling out:

-”Is there anyone here? Any survivors?”

The fear was paralyzing, yet, my body moved on its own, coming into view for the man.

-”Over here.”

My words came out almost like a whisper, as if I hoped he didn’t hear me. But he did. He turned around and his eyes locked on mine. 

-”My name’s Carlos Oliveira, I’m working with the Umbrella Biohazard Countermeasure Service. We’ve been sent to deal with the outbreak. Right now we are evacuating civilians out of the city. What’s your name?”

-”I’m ****. I work as an ER nurse and a first responder.”

-”I hit the damn jackpot, huh? Are you able to provide service given the appropriate supplies?”

-”Yes, I should be able to do so.”

-”Then let me take you where we are holding the civilians, we’ll need you to search for bite marks on them. If we don’t keep that in check they might infect other people.”

-”Where are you keeping them?”

-”The subway station, We are using the train to take them out of the city. Any cooperation you can offer will be welcome. I’ll take you there. Do you have any weapons?”

-”No, I just clocked out of work and I barely made it in here.” 

-”Don’t worry. Just stay close to me, I’ll keep you safe. “

I started to walk next to Carlos, his presence calming my nerves, only slightly, but better accompanied by an armed professional than alone out there. Not only was it terrifying because of the outbreak, it was terrifying because I had just arrived to the city less than a month ago. 

-”Do you have any family or friends in the city that may be in need of assistance?”

It sounded like he could read my thoughts. I looked up into his dark eyes and shaked my head. 

-”No one. I just moved in. Hopefully my family is safe very fucking far away from here.”

-”Where are you from? If you don’t mind me asking.”

-”I’m not from the States, I’m from ****. How about you? Oliveira doesn’t sound very American if I say so myself.”

-”Good catch. I’m Brazilian.”

-"So we are both immigrants that work difficult jobs in a country that hates us. Seems about right."

-"Looks like we are both a little bit on the masoquistic side, huh?"

At least he had a sense of humor, just perfect for the coping mechanism my brain just came up with. His voice cut off my thoughts. 

-”We’ll cut through this shop. Follow me and don’t make much noise.”

I nodded in response and moved quietly behind him. As we made our way through the building something caught my attention. A room, off to the side, its door was locked and a small group of zombies seemed to be pounding on it. I touched Carlos’ arm to get his attention and pointed to the room.

-”There may be a survivor trapped inside. Those things seem desperate to get in.”

Carlos nodded and looked around to make sure there weren't any others in the store before he took his weapon out and disposed of the group. Meanwhile, I entered the little room, it looked like the employee lounge. In one of the chairs there was a bunch of cloth, covering something. As I didn’t see anyone I turned to the door and started walking towards the exit, but I got stopped dead in my tracks by the sound of ruffling. I looked back at the pile of cloth and uncovered it. My jaw dropped as I saw a small baby inside, they didn’t look older than a couple of months. I gently picked them up and I noticed a photo next to clothes, upon further inspection I saw a woman with the same baby in her arms. It was one of the zombies Carlos took care of.

-”Oh my god, Carlos, you need to see this.”

The shock in my voice must have startled him because he walked over to me quickly. When he saw the baby in my arms it looked like he just took a punch to the gut. 

-”Why is there a baby in here? Where’s their mother?”

-”She was outside, one of the undead. Looks like she was bitten and she locked herself out before she could harm them… God…”

-”It’s okay, it’s okay. We just need to take them with the other survivors.”

His voice sounded like he was convincing himself more than me. I started to look in the pile of cloth and found a baby carrier. I started to attach it to my torso and placed the small baby inside of it. I also found a pacifier and a tiny plush toy which I put in my bag, we would need them later. 

-”It’s fine, we have to keep moving. Lead the way.”

My voice took Carlos out of his thoughts and he started to guide me to the subway station once again. We didn’t have many bumps along the way, just a couple of stray creatures. I sensed the baby starting to get fuzzy in the carrier, so I took out the pacifier and gave it to them to prevent them from crying. 

-”Did the photo or something say what their name was?”

-”The photo was written in the back, it seems like her mom left a message. I didn’t read everything but I think she called her Kiania.”

-”Kiania? Huh. In Brazil that name means “New Dawn”, maybe she’ll live to see another one of those.”

Finally we reached the subway station. There we were received by another man in a uniform. The commander of Carlos’ group. 

-”Welcome back, I’m the leader of the U.B.C.S. Delta platoon, Mikhail Viktor. Carlos reported bringing some civilians in.”

-”Not civilian, ER nurse and first responder, at your disposal. The name’s ****.”

-”That name… Did you work under the order of doctor Nathaniel Bard?”

My eyes widened a little at that mention. I know for a fact that dr. Bard had a contract with Umbrella, something had told me to walk away back then and I thought nobody else knew about my association with him.

-”Dr. Bard was one of the researchers in my hospital and I used to work for him, but I got transferred to another department.”

I wanted to cut any ties they may have on me. Something doesn’t feel right about these lines of questioning. Whatever problem Bard got himself in, I didn’t want any part of.

-”Do you know where dr. Bard may be right now?”

-”No, I don’t have any contact with him outside of my professional capacity.”

-”Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but the baby is getting annoyed, they both need to rest for a moment before getting to work with the rescued civilians.”

-”You are right, please rest a moment, there must be some baby formula somewhere around here. You can ask the civilians over there.”

-”Thank you sir.”

I walked over to some civilians who were nursing their babies. I managed to prepare something for Kiania to eat and I put her to sleep. Carlos approached me again. 

-”I have to head out, I’ll leave the parenting to you. It looks like you have it under control already. A natural, huh?”

-”Where are you going?”

-”We received orders to save Bard, he may have a way to combat the infection.”

My eyes widened and a flash of memories came to my mind. I looked up at Carlos and said:

-”There’s a vaccine. I know how to get to it.”

-”What?! What are you talking about?”

I quickly jumped from my seat and made my way to Mikhail. 

-”I know where dr. Bard is keeping the vaccine. Mikhail, if you promise to not let Umbrella have it, we can help this city.”

-”I’m sorry? Why do you think I don’t want to save this city?”

-”Don’t act innocent on me. Umbrella is up to no good, you guys are the reason this outbreak happened in the first place.”

-”You are a sharp one, huh? How did you know?”

-”Because dr. Bard had a really bad case of loud mouth. He wouldn’t stop bragging about how his research was financed by Umbrella. When Carlos mentioned he had an order to “save” the guy I realized, you were trying to get him into custody.”

-”A brilliant person like you was working under Bard? That seems like a waste. Fine, I’ll give you the chance. If you can retrieve enough of the vaccine samples for my whole platoon and an extra one to take for research purposes, I won’t hand them in to corporate. Only catch is, the U.B.C.S. can’t help you in an official capacity. You’ll have to do this on your own. Do you feel up to the task?”

A sudden surge of anxiety washed over me, for a second I looked down to the baby sleeping in my chest. For her. For her mother. For every innocent who died here. I looked up into Mikhail’s eyes with a serious face.

-”I’ll do it. I’ll get enough for it. How many men are in your platoon?”

Mikhail smiled, almost amused by my attitude.

-”As of now, there might be around thirty-five members alive.”

-”Deal. I’ll get those vaccines before you even get out of this hellhole of a city.”

-”Wait a goddamn minute. Are we really going to let them go out there all alone? Mikhail, you know how dangerous it is out there.”

-”I can’t order my soldiers to assist in this, it is not our mission. We were sent to get civilians out, and to take Bard in. Nothing more. We’ll be supplying weapons for them, but that’s the maximum I can do.”

-”You can’t really plan on risking yourself like that. You have to be crazy. Do you even know how to handle a gun?”

-”Can’t say I have the pleasure of practicing ranging often, but if my life is on the line I think I can manage it nicely enough.”

-”Why in hell would you do this?, you are risking your life here.”

-”I can’t leave this mess unattended if I have the opportunity to help. I’m a goddamn nurse, it’s kind of my job description. Besides, my life is at risk as long as I stay here. I might as well do something to help.”

-”Mikhail, you say there can be no official involvement in this, right? How about something unofficial? Just one of your platoon members who lost contact for a couple of hours and decided to help a civilian? Would that be on the table?”

-”I can’t allow you to do this Carlos, this is your job. You already have your orders.”

Mikhail interrupted me, looking directly at Carlos. 

-”If I lose contact with my platoon member, I could not give him orders, now could I?”

Great, he sided with Carlos. Now there is no way I’ll be able to take him off my back. 

-”Then, where should we start looking?”

-”We’ll have to go to the hospital where Bard and I worked. There are some parts that had restricted access, but I don’t think the dead would mind If we took the keys. First we should head to dr. Bard’s office, he may still be in there. He could help us get to the vaccine. Though you should probably leave behind the Umbrella logo, it’ll scare the crap out of him.”

-”What about Kiania? We can’t take her with us. It’s extremely dangerous.”

-”I’ll ask some of the survivors who have children to take her with them. we’ll reunite with them after everything is settled.”

-”Good idea. I’ll be waiting upstairs when you are ready.”

-”Actually, wait right here. If we use the subway rails, we’ll get there faster and safer.”

Carlos nods and stands there, talking with Mikhail while I go talk with some civilians to find someone to care for Kiania as we go. A woman and her partner promise to take care of her. After I give them all of her stuff I get close to her little face and kiss her on the forehead, she giggles and I feel my heart sink, a horrible feeling creeps up my back. I promise Kiania that I’ll get back to her, and just like that I turn around and make my way to Carlos. I signal him to follow me and start walking through the subway rails.

-”We’ll get back. You’ll see her again, I promise you that.”

How did he know what was on my mind? 

-”I sure hope so. After losing her mom she needs someone there for her.”

-”I know how you feel. You just want to care for her, don’t you?”

-”I never thought I could feel this way. I used to say I was scared of being a parent. It’s difficult to make a good one when you don’t know how one should behave.”

-”Difficult home life?”

-”Let’s just say I don’t remember ever enjoying a hug my parents gave me. That should say everything there is to know.”

-”I won’t press ya.”

We walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Then, he spoke up again.

-”What’s the plan for when we reach the hospital?”

-”First thing. Prepare yourself for hell out there. If there is a place in this city that will be filled with those monsters it will be that hospital. Second. Doctor Bard’s office is on the second floor. We go in, see if he is still alive and get him to take us to the vaccine. He may even have a couple samples in there. If not, we’ll have to look for the keycard that opens the restricted deposit. It’s the only place where any of this may be hidden.”

-”Does the office have any security measures?”

-”Voice recognition. If we are lucky they still didn’t take me out of the system.”

-”Let’s just hope so.”

-”Alright. This is the station where we go back upstairs. Are you ready for this, Carlos?”

-”As ready as I can be.”

[cblgblog]

I would love to see a look into the first few days at home with Carol and Therese and their parents. Between Therese adjusting to new parenthood and Carol falling in love all over again as a mother, something she was worried she wouldn’t feel. First bath time and, of course, watching Therese blossom into motherhood while Carol tries to capture pictures of her and the baby as best as she can.

I’m not sure if I’m missing other fics of yours. Thank you for tagging the ones you did, as I hadn’t found some of those.

Honestly didn't know if I'd ever write for this verse again. Pleasantly shocked to find out I still can. Hopefully the result is okay, thanks for the prompt :)

Sequel to this, though you shouldn't need to read both to enjoy the new stuff.

Most new mothers were nervous about bringing their baby home for the first time. At least that’s what Therese gathered from the admittedly few inquiries she’d felt comfortable enough to make. The women at work who’d had babies, customers at the furniture shop looking for pieces to fill a nursery. And Carol, obviously. All of them expressed a certain amount of anxiety over taking their newborn away from the safety of the hospital, the experts.

Therese did not share that feeling. At all. After hours and hours of labor, of Carol receiving dirty looks from the staff, and then several more days of having to be so careful in their interactions, Therese was more than ready to get home.

Abby drove like a grandmother (Carol’s words, not Therese’s). Not that Therese minded, not really. All that mattered was being out of the hospital, not having to pretend anymore.

It was quite possible that she’d never been happier to step into the apartment on Madison Avenue. When the labor reached its worst point, Therese distinctly remembered pleading with Carol, begging her, that they be allowed to go home and sleep, that she couldn’t possibly take one more second of this. Carol promised that they’d be home soon, all three of them, that Therese could rest as much as she needed, after she’d made it past this one last hurdle. Carol promised it would be worth it.

Carol was right. She usually was. Carol was right and Therese was exhausted, and the more she thought about it, the more she realized what a miracle it was that they’d been allowed to leave the hospital with their daughter. The longer the pain had gone on, the weaker Therese’s filter became. Carol was supposed to be…what? Her aunt, her friend, her caretaker? What lie did Carol even settle on? Therese couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember, and she could’ve ruined it so easily, exposed them. Especially near the end.

The thought sent a shudder through Therese’s sore body. Carol noticed, even though she was busy holding their baby, cooing at her softly. Carol always noticed.

“Are you alright?” she asked, frowning.

Therese didn’t like the frown, hadn’t seen it in several days. She walked over to them, put a lingering kiss on the baby’s head of dark curls. “Yes,” she said, and she meant it, because Carol had also been right about that new baby smell and how soothing it was. “Just tired. But we’re home now.”

Carol kissed Therese in the same place Therese kissed the baby. “We are at that. Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll take care of her, and deal with this,” she said, nodding to Therese’s bag from the hospital, a few groceries from the kitchen that Abby hadn’t put away when she dropped them off. (Only because Carol insisted Abby had done more than enough already, that she needed a rest too. Carol was right about that as well).

“You sure?” Therese asked.

“Absolutely. Go, take your time. We’ll be right here when you get back.”

Therese thought she’d seen all of Carol’s smiles by now. The sly, almost smirk when she was being mischievous, teasing. The unrestrained grin when she laughed at one of Abby’s jokes that gave Therese a glimpse into her childhood. The impossibly tender one she bestowed only upon Therese herself. This one was new though, the look Carol had while gazing at their baby. It was close to one that Rindy always received, but different somehow. Therese resolved to study it more, soon, once she felt a little closer to human.

“I love you,” Therese said because she could do that now. Say what she wanted and look at Carol how she wanted and kiss Carol how she wanted without worrying about getting caught.

Carol looked up, gave her that smile so tender that it almost hurt. “I love you. So much. We both do.” Carol kissed her softly, still careful of the baby. “Call if you need anything.”

“I will not.” It might startle the baby. “Anyway, I have everything I need.”

***

After Therese’s shower, the baby was hungry. Therese didn’t realize they had an audience until she heard the familiar click of her own camera.

“Hypocrite,” Therese said, one arm of her robe empty as she nursed.

“Excuse me?” Carol asked, setting the camera on the coffee table.

“You yell at me if I do that to you, sneak a picture like that.”

“I have never yelled at you once, in all the time we’ve known each other.”

Therese gave her a look.

“Fine. But I certainly haven’t done it within the last nine months.”

That, Therese couldn’t argue. It was probably closer to a year, at least. Carol had been exceedingly gentle with her ever since they first started talking about this, having a baby together. Therese smiled as Carol sat down on the sofa to join them. “Is it even legal to photograph someone while they do this?” she asked, only half-joking.

“It can’t possibly be any more illegal than some of the photos you’ve taken of my breasts.”

Therese couldn’t argue that one either. “Just don’t get any ideas about putting that one on the mantle.”

Carol kissed her bare shoulder. “You are so beautiful.”

“And you need your eyes checked.”

“You are,” Carol insisted. “That picture won’t come out as good as yours, but you’ll see. You’ll see how beautiful you two are.”

Therese smiled. She didn’t mind being photographed like this. Not when it was just Carol, and not when there were so few photographs of her own childhood. Besides that, there was Rindy. Harge and his parents could never get enough pictures of Rindy. Carol didn’t need to be there to complete the image, and Harge’s parents outright preferred she wasn’t. There were family portraits, the kind that did go on a mantle, of the three Airds together, but not nearly enough of Carol with her daughter, no Harge in sight. Therese did her best to combat that now, but remained acutely aware of all the moments they didn’t see, all the time Rindy spent away from them.

For nearly a month after he discovered Therese was pregnant, Harge refused to let Rindy come near the apartment, and if Therese thought about that for more than a few seconds, she’d be a wreck, so she forced herself not to.

She also forced herself not to think about what would happen if he went back on his word to bring Rindy over this weekend, to meet her sister.

***

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Everyone said it. Carol kept saying it. Therese was exhausted, needed to sleep. She found it exceedingly difficult to sleep when the baby did.

It was all down to those first few seconds. Those few endless seconds after the delivery, but before she’d heard her child’s voice. It was nothing, ultimately. Being born was quite the shock, and babies didn’t always know how to handle it right away. The doctors had taken their baby off into a corner and done some things Therese couldn’t see, and then she was fussing and wailing just as she should, everything fine.

Therese was assured, multiple times, that it had nothing to do with the baby’s lungs. She believed that. She’d heard them working exceedingly well in the following days, no trace of a problem.

Still, those first few seconds.

The whole thing felt so taxing, so hopeless sometimes. Getting pregnant in the first place and all that entailed. She and Dannie barely looked at each other for weeks. All the endless, necessary deceptions, Harge’s reaction when he found out. Therese thought for awhile that she’d lost Carol her child because of her own quest to have another. And then all those hours, all that pain, and the baby wasn’t crying, and what in God’s name would it have done to them, to Carol, if the baby hadn’t cried?

A moot point, thank God, but it kept Therese awake every time their daughter slept, kept her checking again and again to make sure that the slower, deeper breathing hadn’t slowed too much, hadn’t stalled altogether.

“Sleep,” Carol said. “I’ll stay up with her.”

It wasn’t something they’d talked about. Therese never actually expressed what the problem was. “You’ve been up just as long as I have,” Therese protested.

“Maybe, but I wasn’t the one doing the heavy lifting this time,” Carol joked, kissed her. “I promise, I won’t let anything happen to her.”

 “Is it always like this?”

“What, the worrying?”

“The constant sense of impending doom, yes.”

Carol’s smile was warm and apologetic and a bit sad. “Unfortunately, yes, for awhile. This one just gave us an early start with that dramatic entrance. It never stops, but it gets easier. You learn how to carry it better.”

“You mean it?”

“You’ve seen me with Rindy, what do you think?”

Therese thought she should probably try for a nap instead of answering that question.

***

The baby had her own room, a lovingly appointed nursery filled with furniture Therese would’ve thought wasted on a newborn, if not for the fact it was their newborn. Their daughter had a room of her own, it just didn’t see much use.

Therese woke from her nap slowly. She’d collapsed onto their bed, finally able to close her eyes knowing that Carol’s were open. They’d both need to work on that, couldn’t possibly keep watch on her every moment of the day for the rest of their lives. They would work on it later, Therese decided.

As she awoke further, Therese became aware of Carol’s voice, nearby but muffled. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and shifting on the mattress, she winced at the residual soreness in her body. Her eyes found the bassinet. It was empty.

Therese didn’t panic. Carol’s voice was nearby, Carol was with their daughter, so it wasn’t fear exactly. Therese just liked it better when the baby was within her sight.

She moved slower than normal, still fuzzy with sleep and sore from the birth, but she felt better than she had before. Her breasts ached in a way she still wasn’t used to, and that would need to be dealt with, but finding Carol and the baby was her highest priority right now.

She wasn’t scared. Honestly. She just missed them.

Therese padded down the hall, followed Carol’s voice to the nursery. At least the room was getting some use. Carol was sat in the rocking chair in the corner, a gift from Abby. The baby rested in her arms, fussing. They weren’t hungry cries, Therese recognized that, still more than a little amazed that she could. Carol had eyes only for their daughter, hadn’t noticed Therese in the doorway.

“Oh, shh, shh, shh. What could be so wrong, my darling, hmm? What’s wrong? It’s alright, little one. Everything’s alright. Keep this up and you’ll wake your Mama.”

Some of the soreness in Therese’s hips and back migrated upward, to her mouth. She couldn’t stop smiling, hadn’t ever imagined she’d see Carol be a mother in this way. Even while they were trying, she hadn’t let herself get this far ahead, not fully.

“Shh, let Mama sleep, let Mama sleep.” Carol chuckled then, traced over their daughter’s features with an impossibly gentle touch. “Not that I’m one to talk about timing, I suppose. You know, I was late, the first time I asked Mama out to lunch. What a way to start, hmm? But Mama waited for me, didn’t she? Thank God Mama waited for me.”

Therese finally made her presence known, padding softly into the room. “I’ll always wait for you,” she murmured. “I like it better when I don’t have to, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”

Carol looked up in surprise, but her hold on the baby never faltered. She smiled when she saw Therese. “And you are entirely too quiet. Not at all like this one. I told you you’d wake her, didn’t I?” Carol asked still tracing the baby’s features.

“It’s okay,” Therese said, stopping in front of the rocker. “I sort of like it when she cries. I know that’s absurd. I hate it, but I don’t.”

“I know, angel,” Carol said, the barest flicker of sadness clouding her eyes. “She’s here. She’s right here.”

“I know.”

“Maybe she just misses you,” Carol said, gaze shifting between Therese and their newborn as if she couldn’t decide who to watch.

“I’m right here too,” Therese replied.

With some maneuvering, Therese switched places with Carol, sat in the rocking chair with the baby. Carol kissed the baby’s head before passing her to Therese.

“Impossible,” Carol murmured. She was kneeling in front of the rocker now, one hand on the baby, the other on Therese’s knee.

“What’s that?” Therese asked, somewhat surprised that Carol was right, that the baby stopped crying once Therese was holding her.

“I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you more than I already did,” Carol said. “But now I have this, another piece of you, and you’re both so perfect.”

Therese saw tears threatening at the corners of Carol’s eyes. “Hey,” she teased. “None of that. One of my girls stops crying, another starts up?”

Carol chuckled. It was only a little shaky. “Your girl, huh? Is that what I am?”

“I sure as hell hope so, at this point.”

Carol stood, moved so she could kiss Therese. “Always, sweetheart. Always.”

Therese sighed. “I didn’t think I could be this happy,” she admitted.

“I didn’t either. But I am. So very happy.”

***

The baby was not happy.

“Are you sure the water’s not too hot?” Therese asked for the third time.

For the third time, Carol promised that it wasn’t. “Everything’s new for her, that’s all. She doesn’t know what’s happening. Rindy did the same thing.”

“Was she this loud about it?”

“No,” Carol admitted. “But you did say that having her cry wasn’t all bad.”

Therese sighed. Crying was one thing. Screaming bloody murder as though they’d tossed their child into a vat of boiling acid was another. “We’ll have to get the neighbors a bottle of wine.”

“I’ll grab something the next time I’m out,” Carol said immediately.

Therese’s lips twitched. It was a sweet offer, but there was no way Carol would remember it. “It’s okay, sweetheart, shh. Hey, hey, hey,” she said, as low as she could over the wailing. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

“Nearly done, my love,” Carol added. “Almost over, darling, you’re okay. Don’t you want to be nice and clean for when your sister arrives?”

She didn’t, judging by the pitch of her cries.

Okay. Their daughter didn’t like baths. Therese was clear on that now. Deafeningly clear.

Their baby was small. Not worryingly so, Therese was told, given her own genetics. She worried anyway. She didn’t feel small now as they tried to get her through her first bath without the paint coming loose from the walls. Thank God for Carol, who warned Therese how slippery the whole thing would be, held their daughter safely when Therese underestimated how right Carol was.

Thank God for Carol in general. But now, specifically, for holding the baby as assuredly as she did while Therese ran soft cloths down her body. Carol was always so damn steady, and it was perfect and Therese loved her for it.

Except she knew better today.

Finally, somehow, they finished the bath. Carol cradled the baby against her, wrapped her up before the cooler air could even touch her skin. “There you are,” Carol murmured. “There’s my little one, shh. All done. All done and you did so well. Now you’ll be nice and clean when you meet your big sister.”

Therese’s chest tightened. She couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way. She kissed the baby’s hair, dark strands that looked so much like her own and set about cleaning up while Carol took their daughter down the hall to get dressed. This time being held wasn’t enough to calm her, and the cries persisted as Carol took her to the nursery. Carol was Carol, kept saying sweet nonsense things the whole way, as if nothing at all was wrong.

It wasn’t, Therese knew that. It wasn’t and it was, and it hurt.

Therese set about clearing away the bath things. The baby kept crying, and that did funny, awful things to Therese, but in this moment, she was thinking more about Rindy.

Harge was Harge, and still mad at them, at the audacity of what they’d done. Therese heard him tell Carol more than once that this baby would never be Rindy’s sibling. It was hard not to hear him, hear both of them, when they argued about the baby.

Rindy was excited though, and Carol kept saying that Harge wouldn’t keep her away, not for long. Because he had a hard time saying no to Rindy about anything, and because somewhere, deep down, he understood that Rindy needed Carol, needed Therese too.

Therese had to defer to Carol on that last one, had a hard time seeing it herself. Especially when he had kept Rindy away for all those weeks right after he found out.

Therese was happy. They were both happy. But it would never be like it should, not if Rindy wasn’t here. And Carol feared that too. Therese heard it in her cheerful baby voice that was just a little too cheerful, felt it in the way Carol tossed and turned last night, even while the baby slept and they were both exhausted.

Therese had been nervous about, well everything that came with a new baby. Carol was either confident in her own experience, in the two of them together, or she was faking it very well, for Therese’s sake.

This, Rindy, this was what Carol feared. And Harge was late already.

Therese cleaned the kitchen and living room as best she could. For the first time, Therese seriously wished they could hire a housekeeper, that it wouldn’t be a risk. Daily chores were much harder to accomplish with a newborn around.

Therese dusted the mantle haphazardly, eyes catching on a photo of herself and Carol with Rindy. Those were rarer than either Therese or Carol would’ve liked. Rindy wasn’t here enough, and when she was, Therese was usually the one holding the camera. Abby had taken this one, Rindy pressed close between Carol and Therese, the three of them sharing a park bench.

There were no pictures of Rindy with the baby.

The cries had turned somewhat less deafening by then, so Therese risked heading to the nursery. The baby was dressed now, Carol supporting her head as she paced the room. “Is it safe?” Therese asked.

Carol looked up at her, smiled softly. “We’re getting there, I think.”

The phone rang then. Carol and Therese looked at each other.

Would Harge at least call this time to say he’d cancelled their plans? Historically, the odds were about 50/50.

“Want to go to Mama, sweetheart?” Carol asked, as if Therese hadn’t seen the dread in her eyes, shared it. “Here we go, why don’t you say hi to your Mama?”

The transfers were easier now, no longer terrified Therese so much. Carol kissed the both of them when Therese’s hold was steady. “Be right back,” she said over their daughter’s continued fussing.

If Therese didn’t know Carol better, she’d think everything was fine. She didn’t say anything when Carol shut the door behind her, to shield them from any arguments with Harge.

Sighing, Therese took up Carol’s pacing. At least it gave her an excuse for not staying still. “Shh,” she cooed, breathing in the baby’s scent, hoping it would calm her, that the feelings would flow between them. “It’s okay, it’s okay, Mama’s got you. Mama’s got you. I’m sorry that was hard, but you’re all finished now. All finished, sweetheart.”

Therese wished that were true. Was it normal to start lying to your kids this early? She’d have to ask Carol.

They’d had the conversation more than once. Was it selfish to bring a child into their lives, their life? When that child would face so many more struggles, have so many more rules to follow, was that fair? Clearly, they’d made a decision, and Therese didn’t regret it, never could.

Still.

“I love you,” Therese murmured. “Mommy loves you, so much. Aunt Abby loves you, even though she’ll drive me crazy teaching you things she shouldn’t.” Therese paused, closed her eyes. “Rindy loves you. She doesn’t know you yet, but she already loves you, I promise. We all do, and that’s all that matters, okay? No matter what people might, might say to you, or,” Therese swallowed, collected herself, “we love you, and that’s all that matters, okay?”

It wasn’t. It would never be the only thing that mattered. Therese had to hope it would be enough.

When her own voice was replaced with silence, Therese could hear a little bit of Carol’s phone call. Carol hadn’t raised her voice yet, and that was odd when it came to Harge. She was being careful, careful not to upset their baby.

Therese heard something indistinct that could’ve been Abby’s name, followed by several knocks on the door. They were too hard. If she could hear them from the nursery, they were too hard.

Harge’s knocks often were.

Therese heard Carol say something else, then nothing for a moment. She heard their front door opening.

“Mommy!”

Rindy’s excited voice carried through the apartment.

“Oops,” Rindy giggled, a little softer but still clear. “Daddy said I have to be quiet so I don’t scare the baby. Sorry, Mommy.”

“It’s okay, snowflake, it’s okay. Oh, there’s my special girl. How are you, sweetheart?”

“Good. Can I see Aunt Therese and the baby now?”

“Of course you can. Come here, sweet pea, come inside.”

Despite the noise of the phone, and Harge’s usual demand to be heard, the baby wasn’t crying anymore.

***

The next time they bathed their newborn, Carol didn’t do half as good a job at hiding her nerves.

“I just think it’s too early to parade her out in front of everyone. What if she gets sick?”

It really, truly wasn’t fair. Therese was a new mother, anxious enough already without Carol adding to it. All these months, she’d done everything she could to ease those worries. Except for this one instance. So of course, this was the time that her words had no effect at all.

“Rindy’s been here,” Therese said calmly. The hands that were so quick and steady with a camera worked gently along their daughter’s skin, “and Abby, and Harge.”

Carol huffed out a breath, spoke some nonsense words to calm the baby, addressed Therese again. “Harge barely counts. He nearly tripped over himself getting out of here.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Hardly.”

“That’s what I thought. Anyway. We’re not taking her out for a stroll in Times Square.” Therese shuddered at that. “She’s staying right here, with us and one other person.”

Carol talked to the baby instead of Therese.

Therese sighed. “Carol.”

“Yes, dearest?” she asked, keeping up the singsong voice.

“Waiting until Rindy met her first was fine. More than fine. But now?”

“Now what?” Carol prodded, still in baby-tone.

“He’s my best friend.”

He was more than that. “I know, darling.”

“He wants to meet her.”

“Mmm.”

“I can’t exactly say no, under the circumstances.”

“Would you like me to do it?”

Therese sighed again. “No. Because I don’t want to say no.”

“Well then. That’s that.”

They didn’t talk about it again during the bath, or while they dressed the baby. Her protests over the evils of water had tired her out, so they tucked her into her crib, kissed her goodnight as the clock struck noon. They didn’t talk about it again until they reached the living room.

“I have hormones,” Therese said as an opener. “Lots of hormones. You’re the one who said that. So, you’re not allowed to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Carol said instantly, deciding then and there that she was the worst person on Earth. “God, not in the slightest. Come here?”

Therese did, thank God. They went to the sofa. Carol held her close.

“I’m not mad at you,” she repeated.

“I know.” Therese adjusted herself, pressed in closer against Carol’s side. “I just said that to get your attention.”

Therese’s lips quirked at the corners. Carol huffed, kissed her. “And now there’s two of you to torment me. What the hell am I going to do?”

“You love it.”

“Yes. So much.”

Therese settled her head against Carol’s shoulder, tangled their fingers together. “It’ll be fine. I promise. Trust me.”

“It’s not you I don’t trust.”

It was ridiculous. Carol knew that. Dannie loved Therese, but not that way. He didn’t want children of his own, at least not yet.

But he had one already, and the implications of that had kept Carol up at night for days now, even doing a better job of it than their daughter.

Dannie’s daughter.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Therese said, her free hand going to Carol’s chest, rubbing circles over her heart.

“Do what, my love?”

“He’s not Harge.”

They hadn’t actually talked about it, why Carol didn’t want Dannie to meet their child. His child. Carol should’ve known they didn’t have to. Therese was too smart, too perfect, and she’d created such a perfect little girl.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Therese repeated. “Not to me, not to you. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. You know that.”

Carol knew. His name wasn’t on the birth certificate, wasn’t on anything. “He could try.”

“He won’t.”

“You’re so sure.”

“I am.”

“Because you don’t see it.”

“See what?”

“The two of you. How beautiful you are together. Dannie cares for you, and he’s not an idiot. How could anyone,” Carol paused. Her heart beat too fast under Therese’s palm. “How could anyone see that, you and her, and not want it?”

Therese looked up, tilted Carol’s chin with her fingers until their gazes connected. “You’re right. He’s not an idiot. He’s not stupid, and he’s known for a long time who I belong to.”

Carol closed her eyes, couldn’t take the intensity in Therese’s. Therese kissed her jaw until Carol looked at her again.

“He knows who I belong to. Who we belong to,” she added, turning her head for a fraction of a second towards the hallway, the nursery. “He doesn’t want to interfere. If he did, it wouldn’t matter. You know that, or we’d never have gotten this far in the first place.”

Carol wanted to tell her how it was different now that the baby was real, was here. Wanted to remind her how people changed when they had children. Wanted to tell her again, make Therese understand, how easy it was to fall in love with her. How watching her hold a child—Therese’s child who looked so much like her—was enough to make anyone throw away any thought they’d ever had, any plan or dream or hope that wasn’t centered on Therese holding that baby.

Carol didn’t say any of that. She couldn’t, would never be able to put it into words. And Therese was right, Carol knew that. Everything Therese said was right.

Also, they had to get the house ready for Dannie’s arrival. Carol kissed Therese, told her she loved her and that she was right, and went into the kitchen to prepare.

She tried to stop hoping that Dannie would be hit by a bus on his way over, was somewhat successful.

***

Dannie arrived without any sign of grievous injury. In fact, he came bearing gifts. One gift, actually.

“I don’t know much about babies, but the girl at the store said this was the latest thing, that it’d be real helpful.”

A walker. He’d purchased and hauled across town a baby walker. Large, colorful, and prohibitively expensive for someone with his salary.

“It’s lovely, Dannie, thank you,” Therese said.

Carol had visions of Harge, all the extravagant gifts he’d used to keep Rindy’s affections over the years. “It is,” she said lightly. “It’s useless, at the moment, but very lovely.”

The grin Dannie had worn up to this point froze in place. Therese said Carol’s name, not in the way she normally would, the way Carol liked.

“I only meant, dearest, that she’s a newborn. It’ll be weeks yet before she tries to hold her head up, let alone walk. But in a year or so, I’m sure we’ll be very glad we have this. Thank you, Dannie.”

Carol put her arm around Therese’s waist as she spoke. Dannie had hugged Therese when he came in, after putting his enormous box down. He’d hesitated, asked if it was okay to do so, if he wouldn’t hurt her. Therese embraced him in response, and he’d held her very gently, very careful. He’d kissed her cheek and told her how pretty she looked.

Therese reiterated how they’d be all ready to go when the baby started walking, thanked Dannie again. “Be nice,” she mouthed to Carol behind his back as she invited him to sit down.

Carol preferred that Therese rest as much as possible, still very aware of the aches and exhaustion her love was dealing with. So, Carol found herself serving drinks and snacks to Dannie McElroy, and, when she couldn’t put it off any longer, retrieving her precious baby girl so that she could hand her over to him.

He was right, he didn’t know much about babies. The man had no earthly idea how to hold one correctly, but Therese jumped in before Carol could, guiding his hands and providing instruction. Therese and Dannie sat close together on the sofa, knees touching as Dannie gazed at the child, wide-eyed and enraptured.

“Whoa,” he said, the picture of eloquence. “Holy…she’s amazing, Therese.”

Standing awkwardly in her own living room as she watched the three of them, Carol decided she hated how Dannie said Therese’s name. He’d never mispronounced it, not like so many others, never saddled Therese with an unwanted nickname like Richard had. The accent was terrible though. The distinctly New York tones rubbed away at the unique beauty of Carol’s favorite word.

“Did we really make that?” Dannie asked, all awe and wonder.

“Yeah, we did,” Therese replied, eyes shining. She poked his cheek, a teasing gesture, asked if his face didn’t hurt from smiling that hard.

“I can handle it,” he said, never taking his eyes from the baby.

He and Therese stayed that way, heads touching a few times as Dannie asked question after question about the baby and Therese and how things were going. Carol knew there were similar photos somewhere, probably buried in Harge’s parents’ basement. Pictures of Carol and Harge bent that way over Rindy, back when Carol actually thought that their love for this perfect being they’d made for each other might save them.

Therese’s camera was somewhere nearby, in their bedroom maybe. Carol had continued her amateurish attempts to document this new life that they’d brought into their own. She didn’t go looking for the camera now.

A small eternity later, Therese got up to use the restroom. The baby started fussing. Not crying really, just fussing.

Dannie’s eyes went wide as saucers. He suddenly looked like he was handling a live grenade. He looked up at Carol, let out a small, terrified chuckle.

“Carol? You wanna come get your daughter please before she does something or I do something or…or something?”

Carol blinked, went to the two of them.

“There you go kid.” Dannie looked immensely relieved to have Carol within arm’s reach. “Wanna see your Mommy? Yeah, I don’t blame you. Uncle Dannie’s not the best with women, is he?”

Carol took the baby from him. The small warmth pressing against her chest felt like coming in out of a blizzard, the kind where you couldn’t see more than a few feet through the whiteout. “Uncle Dannie?” she asked.

Dannie’s eyes widened again. He looked younger than he was, more a schoolboy than a grown man employed at a great metropolitan newspaper.

“Is that okay? Therese said, a few weeks ago…I mean we were just joking around.”

“It’s fine. It’s lovely,” Carol corrected. “You’re not that bad with her, you know. Not at all.”

“Yeah?” the hopefully boyish expression that received only made him look younger. “Thanks.” He sat forward on the couch. “Therese said Rindy got to see her the other day? How’d that go?”

Carol smiled, couldn’t have helped it if she wanted to. “It went well. It went very well.”

Dannie grinned. “Good. It’s nice, you know, having a sibling. I mean, Phil and I fought like cats and dogs sometimes,” he stopped, considered, “still do, now and again. But it’s nice, having someone. Girls’re probably better about that stuff anyway.”

Carol chuckled, remembering her childhood with her own sister. “I don’t know about that, but I think we’ll manage.”

“Yeah, sure you will. You and Therese can manage just about anything, I figure.”

The woman in question returned to them then. “Everything okay out here?” Therese asked, stopping to kiss Carol’s cheek, then the baby’s. “Is Mommy behaving herself, baby girl?”

Carol blushed. Her heated skin missed the warmth of Therese’s lips. “Everything is just fine.”

Therese’s eyes sparkled with love and mischief, and a hint of smugness Carol was sure to hear about later. “Good,” she said simply. “I’m glad.”

[get-your-fuckin-star-bitch]

Right. They got sent to interrogate “Sarah” by Elias. Michael would probably still be recovering at that point, and there’s no way Jon could do anything like that alone. So what’s Elias supposed to do, feed him another statement? Tim and Sasha wouldn’t exactly be cut out for that sort of job, nor would Martin, and Basira’s not working at the institute.

Melanie, maybe?

Nah. That’s a recipe for disaster. Although… Elias would be desperately trying to hold onto his plan at that point, so. He might pair em anyway.

And so Nikola threatens Jon, etc, etc, but he’s not really the archivist-

Hang on.

Why would she even bother messing with him? He was never Gertrude’s assistant…

So michael gets bothered by a mannequin, which must be super not-fun to have happen while you’re still not finished recovering from having been shot.

He doesn’t know shit about the gorilla, and is just really getting fed up with the questions about Gertrude, so Nikola just says she’ll “let him think about it” or something.

And then the moment he gets let out of the hospital, B&H nab him.

Nikola plans to find some way to either get information out of him or at least carve him up in a way that’ll make sure the skin fits.

Elias… does nothing, obviously, cause he doesn’t give a shit.

It’s Yasmina who finds him and gets in touch with Jon to get him out.

This winds up with Jon nearly getting flayed and Yasmina being a fucking badass.

I mean, she does work in retail. Specifically in a clothes department at a department store. So she already very much hates mannequins. Kicking their plastic asses is an incredibly satisfying experience for her.

Michael is… almost on death’s doorstep when she gets to him. Nikola hasn’t even been torturing him or anything, he just… hasn’t been able to feed or anything for DAYS, and it’s slowly draining the life from him.

He’s going to die if they don’t get him to a mirror or something.

Which Yasmina knows, because she’s seen this happen with him before.

She orders Jon to go get a mirror. He does. Michael doesn’t wake up at first, but after a few moments, he reaches out for it and goes through.

They stand guard by the mirror, which ends up being a very good idea, cause Nikola — who’d run away instead of getting caught in Yasmina’s mannequin murderfest — comes back, very pissed off, and tries to smash the mirror. Probably has other mannequins with her, too.

Only retreats when Michael comes back out of the mirror and fucks her shit up.

He’s not fully ok, simply cause he hasn’t had any statements recently, (Elias cut him off), but he almost tears off Nikola’s face, which is awesome.

He’s extremely worried about Yasmina being there and seeing him like this, but she’s beaming. And basically informs him that he’d been incredibly badass just then.

“You saved our asses.”

“I- but i look like-“

“You? You look fine. As long as you’re not wearing somebody else’s skin, I don’t mind whatever you want to appear as. Come on, I want to get out of here as quickly as possible.”

[screaming-universe]

Captain’s Responsibility

aka Eddie got hurt when he fell off the ladder, Bobby makes sure he's taken care of

also on ao3!

.

Bobby already had one firefighter to worry about; he really wished he did not have to think about another. But at least it gave him something to do.

“Eddie, you need to get checked out,” he said, trying to sound calm even though he was one second away from just picking the firefighter up and carrying him to the ER himself. He entertained that thought for a moment; Eddie might be surprised enough to not struggle. “You got thrown off the ladder when the lightning struck – don’t even try to deny it, I saw it happen. There’s nothing we can do here and I don’t want to have to worry about you too. “

Bobby wished that he could let go as he could see the others do in the waiting room. Let himself feel the pain and the fear instead of being there for the others to lean on, to make sure that they were taken care of. Eddie just shook his head, his face still pinched as he tried to keep all of his emotions in, to keep it together.

“Eddie,” Bobby repeated. He could point out that Buck would want him to go but he had a feeling that that wouldn’t help at all. He could invoke Chris, who needed Eddie to be alright but that felt wrong too. “Either you go or I’ll drag you there myself.”

“I’ll help,” Hen said.

Chimney had gone to meet Maddie – and the Buckley parents, apparently. But Bobby was sure that he’d help to drag Eddie off to the ER too.

“I can’t,” Eddie finally said, his voice barely recognisable. “I have to– I can’t leave him, Bobby.”

“You’re not leaving him,” Hen said. “We’ll just go to another part of the hospital and Chimney will let us know when there’s something new to know.”

Somehow, between the two of them they managed to walk Eddie over to the ER. They weren’t sure if they should go but neither Eddie nor the nurse asked them to leave, so they stayed. The nurse asked about what had happened and between the three of them they managed to cover everything. The lightning strike, falling backwards of the ladder, landing on his back. And completely ignoring all of that to help Buck.

The nurse told Eddie to strip to the waist and left to get a doctor. Eddie moved stiffly as he pulled off his turnout coat, as if every move hurt him. Bobby should not have let him go back up that ladder, he knew. But he could not have stopped him either and if Eddie hadn’t been there– Bobby couldn’t bear to think about it.

Eddie managed to unbutton his shirt but he couldn’t pull it off his shoulders. He tried three times, then he let his hands drop.

“Help,” he said so quietly it was hard to hear. And Bobby was reminded of a day five years ago, when Hen and Buck had been there for him when he’d needed help and asked for it. Before he had known Eddie. Eddie was so much like Bobby, he realised once again.

“Of course,” Bobby said and slowly helped Eddie with the shirt, careful to not hurt him any further.

He managed to keep his gasp in as he saw Eddie’s back. But as he exchanged a glance with Hen, she seemed as startled as he was. Eddie’s back was a tapestry of dark violet spots, almost black in some places, that stretched from the back of his shoulders to his turnout pants. It looked horrible.

The doctor seemed to agree and sent Eddie off get x-rayed to make sure that his spine had taken no damage. It was fine, as it turned out but it made Bobby realise what could have happened this night. Buck’s heart had stopped and Eddie’s spine could have been broken too.

In the end Eddie was allowed to go with them to the waiting room. The lightning seemed to have not actually touched Eddie – at least there was nothing the doctors had been able to find. Somebody was supposed to stay with him for the next days, to make sure they hadn’t missed anything. That would not be a problem, Bobby thought. Nobody wanted to be alone right now.

So he sat there with them, in his hand a salve that would help with bruising. Bobby had rubbed some of it on Eddie’s back just before they had gone back to the ER. It had been hard to ignore the way Eddie kept flinching, in more pain than he allowed anybody to see. Eddie was taken care of for now. He would be fine, at least physically. They would have to wait and see if Buck would be too.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 20 Prompt 1 - Triel

Content warning for mentions of rape and suggestive themes. Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @drabbleitout (thanks for Ives!), @grailfish, @forthesanityofsome, and @pied-piper-of-hamlet!

I twirled the key for the room I had “paid” for to have alone time with a victor. Ives, to be precise. He had been a tribute with Nesri, and we hadn’t been able to rescue him, but that was all going to change now. We had plans and backups and nothing would go wrong enough to stop us from getting tributes out and rescuing Ives.

The Capitol was selling his body for shits and giggles, and I had half a mind to kill anyone who touched him, but I didn’t have enough time, unfortunately. At least I had been able to send the person who paid for the ticket for Ives’s time tonight to a hospital instead.

The hotel they had people meet him in looked fancy on the outside, but once I got into the room it was all dark and dingy and sad. Except for the fucking bed. Of course. Bastards.

I closed the door softly. “It’s been a while, Steelheart. You don’t have to worry about someone coming to rape you. I totally didn’t beat them up within an inch of their life to get their ticket.” He was standing farther in, and I couldn’t see well enough, so I turned on the light.

He flinched at that, curling in more on himself. Damn, he looked like shit. I had to hurry up and rescue him. He looked at me, but not up into my face. And his movements seemed slow. “I…I don’t understand,” he said quietly, tilting his head. “Did you want their ticket to take their place? I don’t mean to ask too many questions, I only want to know what I should adjust for the evening. What matters is that you have a ticket. How would you like to proceed?”

Fuck. Nesri had warned me how completely the Capitol probably unraveled him, but he was acting nothing like he had before. I walked a step closer, taking off my hat. “It’s Triel Reeves. Do you remember? The Games three years ago? I failed you then, but I want to help you now.” He still looked lost. “I’d like to talk.”

He finally looked up at my face when I removed my hat but winced and looked away. But then looked back. He blinked rapidly and looked away again, giving a small nod. “Would you like to sit?” He sounded shaky. “Can I get you anything?”

“No thanks. You’re not a servant. I’d actually ask you the same thing. My engineer sent some things with me just in case you were doing bad. And Nesri sent a letter. Do you remember her at least?” I sat down far away from him. I wasn’t about to make him uncomfortable by being close.

“I remember,” he whispered. He sat down, keeping the distance. “I’m doing well enough. They keep me…functioning.” He glanced around the room.

“Then you’ll probably appreciate these.” I set out the mechanical parts Shine had given me and the letter from Nesri. I didn’t remember all of it, but it basically said that she missed him and that we were coming to rescue him now, after we failed him.

He picked up the letter first, slowly reading over it. “Failed me…? I don’t understand. You got yourself and the others away. I’m property of the Capitol. This is what I’m meant for.” He didn’t let go of the letter though. “You’re putting too much at risk here.”

Of course I had failed him. Ryker had died, and he had gotten trapped by the Capitol. I leaned forward and clasped my hands. “I did fail you. You and Ryker. And I can’t make it up to him, but I am planning on making it up to you. We have a plan. I’ll be the tribute this time, and I’ve gotten better and have more comprehensive plans. I won’t let that happen again. And if something does happen and tributes I recruited get captured, I have plans for that. I want to help you and get you out of here. You’re no one’s property, Ives. You’re a person, and I really want to help.”

He winced, looking at the floor and setting his jaw. “And if you’re captured?” he said lowly. “Am I supposed to lose you too?”

I smiled. “I have plans for that too. The Capitol won’t be ready for what I have in store for them.”

“Should you be telling me this?” he whispered. “Am I not a liability?”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe you are. The Capitol has abused you. Don’t you want to fight back? I can help with that. Please. Let me help you, Steelheart.”

He didn’t speak for a while, and I waited patiently. “The Capitol has taken advantage of all of us,” he said lowly, looking over at me. And I would never admit it out loud, but it looked like he was about to cry. “What’s your plan?”

I smiled, wanting to reach out and hold his hand, but that would probably make him uncomfortable. He had enough people touching him. “I volunteer for the youngest kid in my district. I recruit as many tributes as possible. Shine, my engineer, is making a teleporter that I’ll sneak into the arena. Nesri will also have one just in case I am captured so she can still get you out. The teleporter will be used to fuck with the Capitol and then to get everyone out. If there are any people captured, we’ll raise hell in the Capitol from the safe place I have. Then we’ll truly escape once we have everyone.”

Ives nodded slowly and folded the letter up. “What would you like me to do? How can I help?”

I shook my head. “I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to do anything for me to help you. But if you want to do something, I’ve heard that you’ll be a mentor this year. Please watch over the tribute you have. They’ll probably need it.”

“A mentor?” He frowned. “I don’t…I…” He fell silent, wrestling with himself for a bit. “I’ll try,” he whispered.

“And me, Nesri, and Shine will be there to help, so if you need anything, please let one of us know. Oh, and Shine has been taking good care of Niner. She’s excited to see you.” Niner was the Synthetic Doberman who had been with Ives at first, but he had begged us to take her with us to protect her.

He nodded, stilling at the mention of Niner. “Thank you. For all of it. I don’t deserve all of this.”

I nodded. “I think you do, but I also think that it doesn’t matter whether someone deserves it or not. That’s not a good measure of anything, really.”  I paused. “Do you want me to stay so we can chat? Or would you rather me leave so you can have a quiet night tonight? I might just go and find some other people who bought tickets for you and totally not beat them within an inch of their lives too.”

“You shouldn’t do that,” he whispered. “You could put your plans at risk.” He leaned over his knees. “Which I know you’re probably busy with. I don’t want to keep you. How long is it until the Games start? Maybe, if they’re planning to use me as a mentor, they won’t be giving out as many tickets.”

Of course not. They were way the fuck too greedy. “Only about a week until the Reapings happen. And no worries. I have the perfect disguise for that.” I winked. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve gotten good at making plans by now. And do you want me to stay and chat? It can be about anything. I have a lot of good stories too.”

Ives nodded. “I do want you to be careful. But I think, maybe, I should try and get myself ready for things.” He glanced down at the mechanical stuff Shine sent. “I have a few repairs I should do.”

At least he was going to take the help! I nodded and stood up. “I’ll see you, and I’ll help get you out. I promise.” I put on my hat and bowed with a flourish. “Please stay safe.”

“You as well. And, Triel, no picking fights,” he whispered.

I grinned. “Don’t know if I can promise that, but I’ll try.” And with that, I left. And totally tracked down at least some ticket holders before I headed back to the ship to see my crew.

When I got back on the ship, Nesri walked straight up to me and even Shine looked up from what they were working on. I grinned and waved at them before hugging Nesri, giving her a kiss on the cheek and feeling more of a thrill when she blushed.

Shine walked up, handing us wine glasses and signing once their hands were free. “How did the meeting with Ives go?”

I took a sip and walked over with Nesri, sitting down next to where Shine was working on something for the mission. I signed back. “It will take some work to convince him, but I am not going to give up on him.”

Nesri chuckled and chugged her wine, leaning against me afterwards, signing as well. “I will talk to him, and then he will totally change his mind. Well,” she deflated a little. “I failed him. I will not fail him again. Steelheart is going to be safe by the end of this. I promise that.”

I looked over at Nesri and held her close, kissing her forehead. “I failed him too. It is not just on your shoulders.”

Shine snorted. “I just want to learn more about his machines and help him out.”

We laughed, and I relaxed against Nesri. “This will be the last time I will be able to relax for a few weeks.” I stared up at the night sky. I was going to miss the ocean. “The stars are beautiful tonight.”

Nesri nudged me before she signed. “They are not the only things that are beautiful.”

Shine sighed. “Not to break up your flirting, but just to check one more time, what is the plan for the Reaping day?”

I nodded. “There are no planned volunteers. Ashont doesn’t have anyone to force to volunteer, so I’ll volunteer for the youngest person I can.”

Shine nodded and finished with their work. They handed it to me. “The teleportation device. I will make it small enough for you to be able to sneak it into the arena.”

I grinned and clasped their hand before signing. “You are a genius. Thank you so much!”

I leaned back and sipped my wine as Shine waved it off. Nesri leaned against me and whispered in my ear. “You want to have a good night before the Reaping?”

A smirk pulled at my lips, and I looked down at her. “Always, love.” I checked with Shine to make sure they were good and walked with Nesri to my quarters to have a nice night.

[never-not-ever]

I feel like I might have said this already, I forget what I’ve been saying on here lately. But I hate my doctor so much and I say that because I actually really like her. And it’s annoying. She told me yesterday that she’s going on vacation in December and she said I was the first one she told cause she knows we have a special connection and she cares about me.

We talked about whether I’d be ready to leave by her last day or not. Cause the weeks she’s out I probably wouldn’t discharge with a different doctor. It’s funny cause a few weeks ago I asked her if she thought I’d be here for Thanksgiving and she laughed and said she was planning on us spending Christmas together. Now there’s a possibility of that happening. But then we talked again this morning and she said we could shoot for a discharge early December and that she doesn’t want me to not discharge just because I worry I can’t come back cause I can always come back. She said she doesn’t want me to get too comfortable and I said that I said that a month ago!!

So either I leave in a few weeks before she goes on vacation or I leave in a month after she gets back. But it’s like I’ve already been here so fucking long and I hate myself for it because I’ve gotten attached to her. I said to my social worker yesterday that I’m probably going to get kicked out soon cause I’ve already been here so long and she said multiple times that no one’s kicking me out. I said how I thought I was going to be home by the end of the week (when I first came) and now look at me. Today I was talking to my doctor about how staff are probably wondering why I’m still here and she asked why I care so much what others think. She said how staff said I’ve been doing well lately…. And I said see exactly!!

I asked my her yesterday if she sees people outside of here like private practice and she said yes and then I asked if she’d see me and she said no. I technically won’t need a provider (right away at least) cause the intensive outpatient program I’m doing they set you up with all your treaters in their program. Second she said that that program can be triggering and oftentimes people have to come back here. And she wants me on her team if I ever have to come back which lets get real-that’s most likely going to happen.

I just worry about if I go to the ER and they send me to a whole different psych hospital. Cause I know if I come to McLean regardless of which unit I get sent to she said she would get me transferred back to this one once a bed opened up.

I feel weird almost like I’m being conceited by saying this but like I know she likes me and cares about me. Not just cause she says it all the time which is annoying but because she shows it.

She met my Nana yesterday for the first time. They’ve talked on the phone before and my Nana is always visiting and they finally got to meet. They’re kind of similar except my doctor is more understanding of all this. I know my Nana is trying but still... I talked to my team yesterday about getting a pass on Thanksgiving and they’re okay with it if I can get through these next couple days without self harming.

I’m going to get that pass because I’m not going to self harm. I need that pass and I will not let anything get in the way of me getting it. Knowing it’s going to happen is making my anxiety go through the roof. I have plans for my pass to keep me busy but obviously the temptation is there to do stuff at home or bring stuff back to the unit. And then it’s a matter of if something does happen at home not telling anyone right away (which they don’t like cause I’ve done that in the past) and then proving it to them that see it happened once and not even here on the unit, it was just a slip up. It does not mean I need to go back on the 1:1.

Like my mind is just nonstop with all these thoughts, scenarios, would be conversations.. it sucks. And yesterday I almost banged my hand out of anger at myself for feeling too much but instead I kept making paper stars. Opposite action. *Skills*…

As for my pass, I would only get 4 hours and I need to do a load of laundry at home because the dryer here and I’m not exaggerating, literally takes like 3 hours. It’s ridiculous. I also want to dye my hair, see my cats obviously, get some clothes and another pillow, get another thing of perfume which has come in handy on the days I skip a shower. And also get a new weight. They do weights on Sundays but it’s one of those old mechanical ones where you have to move the dial and add up numbers. I don’t trust it and I need to know if I’ve gained or lost since the last time I was home.

The day I went to the ER I was at my lowest weight and then 4 weeks later I went home on a pass and I stepped on my scale and I had gained 13.5lbs.. I feel like lately I may have lost some of that but I only trust my scale at home. If you’re tracking your weight you can’t go off of scales at home and then scales at different doctors offices or the gym. Like all scales are different and I used to weigh myself at home, go to a doctors appointment and then that number was a lot more different even after they subtracted a few for clothing. God I’m sounding obsessive over it but like before I came here I was weighing myself like every day.. whatever. At least this hospital stay has forced me to stop that.. for now.

I need to end this since it’s so long. I technically wrote it all up yesterday and I have so many new thoughts regarding the pass/self harm/discharge but I’ll post it later.

[avis-and-panda]

To Be or Not To Be- chapter three

Enucleation V.S. Witch 

Aizawa groaned tiredly as he leaned back in the guest chair of Tsukauchi’s office. For the past six hours, the two of them had been going over the evidence, and for six hours they hadn’t come up with any other conclusions than “something is up with these kids.” 

He was only made aware that it was past midnight when Yamada had informed Aizawa that his students were all in bed by then. He would have been there to check himself but he needed to go over this mess of a case at least one more time before returning to the school. 

Except it had been six hours and there was still little to zero progress. 

Aizawa stared at the file before him with frustrated contempt. Tsukauchi had put together three files, one for each kid, of everything they knew about them. Which extended from their ID to their race and practically nothing else. 

“Their school?” Aizawa asked in tired repetition. 

“Checked the UK and the surrounding countries. There’s no record of there being or ever being a Kuran Private High School.” Tsukauchi calmly responded. 

“Their family?” 

“No clue. The only one that has contacts labeled as her parents in her phone is Elena Bell and contacting them has come up fruitless.” 

“Are the phones still not working?” 

“That, and we tried using a quirk to find any blood relatives of theirs. The quirk allowed the owner, if given some DNA, to track down the source. If she focuses, she could even track down close relatives. However, it has a range, so we sent her to Europe yesterday, and then instructed her earlier today to go to the UK.” Tsukauchi sighed, “No luck so far.” 

Aizawa hummed as he narrowed his eyes, “What about citizenship? Wouldn’t that narrow the search even more?” 

Tsukauchi shook his head, “No luck on that one either. If it wasn’t for the fact we just saw them in the hospital, I would have assumed they didn’t exist.” 

A lot of things didn’t seem to “exist” at that moment. 

Aizawa scanned Elena’s file repeatedly. It had her birthdate, blood type, race, social security number, and a full report on her injuries. Speaking of… 

“It says here that Bell needed a blood transfer.” 

“Yeah. Recovery Girl couldn’t heal her much because her energy was practically drained, so they needed to do everything manually. They were worried they wouldn’t be able to save her because her blood type is on the rarer side, but they managed.” 

All of her energy was drained? That was odd. Aizawa scanned the file until he found the column labeled “blood type” and noted that Elena’s was type B. 

Blood type B was fairly rare, so it was good they were able to manage. If he recalled, some of his students had blood type B as well. If all else failed, they could have called them in, even if they weren't a registered blood transfer; but it probably would have been too late anyways. 

His attention moved from her blood type to her birth date. For some reason, he had a feeling he’d seen it before. It was in the middle of the holidays, so it was the kind that was hard to forget. But then again, he never cared to remember people’s birthdays. 

Aizawa picked up the other files and scanned the other two’s birthdays. Yeah, he definitely recognized their birthdates, but from where? It was like he learned them from somewhere but didn’t deem it important and let it slip his mind in favor of something else. 

Then it hit him. 

Her blood type was B. 

And her birthday was— 

No. No, it didn’t make any sense; they weren’t even the same race! But the way Arlo talked… It was as if he was from a completely different world. 

Before Aizawa could voice his concerns, Tsukauchi’s phone rang. 

“It’s Recovery Girl,” he told Aizawa before he answered and turned slightly away. 

“Detective Tsukauchi. Oh, don’t worry about it, I was up anyway. …I know, I know. …Really? Is he—Ah, that’s good. So, we can talk to him tomorrow? Okay. …Lunch? I’ll ask him.” 

Tsukauchi turned to Aizawa, “Nikolaus Brandt woke up. Are you okay with meeting up with him tomorrow in the afternoon? I know you have class in the morning—” 

Aizawa sighed tiredly; looked like another questioning was in store, “I’ll have to find a substitute, but I should be able to make it.” 

Tsukauchi gave him a grateful nod, “Thank you.” He said before returning to his call, “Around lunch is good. Yes. Don’t worry, I will. Goodnight.” 

He ended the call and turned back to his desk. 

“Sorry you’ll have to miss your class, but we want to get the questioning done as soon as possible. This case was already strange, but it seems to be getting weirder the longer we wait.” Tsukauchi said with an apologetic smile. 

Aizawa gave him an understanding nod, “Don’t worry about it, I could use the extra sleep anyways.” 

Aizawa looked back down at the files and grimaced. 

Well, that’s only if he’d have the time to get to sleep in the first place. 

- 

For the second questioning, principal Nedzu didn’t come along. Understandable, considering that he was the principal of a school and had a lot more to do than interrogate a teenager. However, it seemed that someone else was going to take his place. 

As Aizawa approached the hospital room, he noticed Yamada standing outside it. Aizawa eyed him curiously. 

“I thought you were kicked out.” 

Yamada snapped his head up from the spot on the ground he was staring at with undying boredom and beamed. 

“Eraserhead!” Yamada seemed to have had the foresight to not activate his quirk in the hospital; Recovery Girl probably had to beat it into him. “I thought I was gonna die of boredom.” 

Aizawa rolled his eyes, “don’t be so dramatic. And you didn’t answer me.” 

“I suppose ‘kicked out’ was an exaggeration.” Aizawa turned to see Recovery Girl walking up to them, “I actually just sent him away to watch over this room instead.” 

Aizawa raised an eyebrow in mirth, “And I assume you’re the one who got him to be quieter?” 

“Hey! She whacked me with her cane at least ten times,” Yamada responded pitifully. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you stopped yelling! We’re in a hospital for goodness’ sake!” Recovery Girl scolded as she whacked him once on the head. Aizawa sighed and shook his head tiredly. 

“Let’s just get this over with already. It’s past noon and I’m already tired.” 

“Gotcha Eraser!” Yamada mock saluted him, “I’ll see if the patient is done with his lunch!” 

Yamada turned and barged into the room, loudly announcing his presence, “Yo—" 

Suddenly, a plastic food tray flew out of the room, hitting Yamada square in the head.  

‘You’d think a pro hero could dodge that...’ Aizawa thought as he stalked into the room behind Yamada, who was crouched on the ground in pain. He sighed, feeling as though the bags under his eyes were growing heavier.  

Aizawa stepped around Yamada, who was still frozen in shock, to see Nikolaus who was kneeling on his bed in a semi-defensive stance. In contrast to Arlo, who was completely English, Nikolaus looked to be mainly Japanese in terms of appearance; despite his German name. His right arm was in a sling and his left arm was outstretched slightly, clearly the one he used to throw the plastic tray. A bandage was wrapped around his head and when they met eyes, Aizawa couldn’t help but notice the large scar stretched over his right eye. 

“You’re awake,” Aizawa stated. 

The boy scanned him scrutinizingly. “And you’re not a cop.” 

Aizawa raised an eyebrow inquisitively. Something about his tone reminded him of someone, though he couldn’t quite name who… 

“He isn’t, but there’s nothing to worry about,” Tsukauchi said as he stepped into the room with Tsuragamae and Recovery Girl. “He may not look like it, but he’s here to help with the investigation.” 

Nikolaus glanced at the detective as he settled back in his bed. 

“I’m Detective Tsukauchi,” He gave the boy a small smile and bowed in greeting. Nikolaus nodded in acknowledgment but didn’t say anything before he looked over to Tsuragamae. 

His eyebrows drew together in confusion slightly as he took in the dog-man's appearance. It wasn’t until Nikolaus’s eyes flicked to Tsuragamae’s did he speak.  

“I am Tsuragamae Kenji, the police chief! It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

Nikolaus’s eyes widened slightly, clearly in shock. The police chief bowed in greeting as well, but this time, Nikolaus didn’t nod. He simply turned away from them and slapped himself across the face. 

“SMACK!” 

The adults flinched, surprised both by how loud it was and the fact he did it in the first place. 

Immediately, Nikolaus pressed a hand, the same one he used to slap himself, to his cheek and made a pained face. 

“Ooww, that actually hurt. Dammit.” 

“Of course it hurts! What were you expecting?” Recovery Girl reprimanded as she approached Nikolaus. “I swear, kids these days. Getting themselves nearly killed and then hurting themselves even more!” 

Nikolaus glowered softly but didn't say anything as Recovery Girl inspected his then red and swelling cheek. 

Realizing this conversation would most likely go like the one with Arlo, Tsukauchi stepped forward, “We would like to ask you a few questions regarding what happened to you and your friends a couple days ago. Is that okay?” 

Nikolaus’s eyes flitted to Tsuragamae for a split second before landing on Tsukauchi. 

“Sure.”  

Tsukauchi smiled warmly and took out his notepad, all the while Recovery Girl sprayed ointment on Nikolaus’s cheek. 

“Okay, first off, how much do you remember?” 

Nikolaus tilted his head and furrowed his brow in thought, “Hmm, all of it? I mean, I got hit in the head, so the beginning’s a little blurry, but pretty much everything.” 

Tsukauchi nodded, “Good, so could you tell me what happened right after you were hit?” 

Nikolaus nodded and began telling his story. 

- 

When the object, most likely a large rock, hit his head, it took him a moment to process what had happened. He could tell something hit him, but the shock was great enough that he couldn’t feel it right away. Nikolaus’s knees buckled as he stumbled into the wall. Elena and Arlo shouted in alarm but froze when something else caught their attention; Nikolaus was too distracted by the blood coming out of his head to notice. 

(Tsukauchi asked if the cut was deep, but Nikolaus simply shook his head and said, “Head wounds bleed a lot.”) 

An unfamiliar voice said something, to which Elena yelled something back. To this, Nikolaus turned his head and saw two figures standing before them, dressed in black hoodies, masks, and glasses, most likely to conceal their identity. Suddenly, the shorter one, who apparently had a knife, lunged at Elena, who easily defended herself with magic. 

Nikolaus stood, bracing himself against the wall, as the other lunged at him and Arlo. His form was weak, so Arlo was able to dodge and counterattack with ease. However, when the attacker stumbled back, he lifted his arms and moved them in a way that seemed like he was manipulating something. As Arlo watched in confusion, Nikolaus stepped forward to join him and he saw Arlo floating up slightly. When he realized what was happening, Nikolaus lunged forward to grab Arlo, but was too late as he was abruptly shot up. His back hit the ceiling with a concerning “crack”, and his body fell to the floor limply. 

In a panic, Nikolaus kneeled on the ground next to Arlo and began to check his wounds. Arlo’s head was bleeding and his breathing was becoming irregular. He needed medical attention. 

“One down, two to go,” said a male voice. 

Nikolaus looked up and glared at their attacker, who then crouched in an offensive stance, ready to attack again. Nikolaus stood up and took a defensive stance in front of Arlo.  

He glanced at Elena for a moment. She was still fighting the one with the knife and he wondered briefly why she didn’t just use her magic to take the attacker out. 

He looked away just in time to dodge a burning projectile their attacker had sent his way. He must have used some sort of fire magic. 

Nikolaus kept his distance, dodging what appeared to be blades made of fire left and right. It wasn’t too hard, considering the attacker’s aim was a bit off, but he was still wary, knowing that the fire blades could produce some nasty injuries. 

Eventually Nikolaus decided he had enough and ran up to the man. Based on what he saw with Arlo, the other wasn’t that good at close combat, hence why he was trying to take him out with long range projectiles. 

The attacker was surprised at the sudden change and reared his arm back to send another fire blade but Nikolaus ducked below to set his aim off. He then reappeared in front of the attacker and sent a punch straight to his jaw. 

The man stumbled back, allowing Nikolaus to grab the front of his hoodie and roughly pull him forward as he kicked him in the stomach. The attacker let out a pained yell as Nikolaus grabbed his arm, twisted it, pulled it behind his back, and used it to throw him to the ground. 

The attacker’s face was pressed into the ground as Nikolaus pressed one knee into his back. He was still holding his arm, which was twisted and pulled back. 

“Why did you attack us? Are there more of you?” 

The attacker glared at him and attempted to use fire magic on the arm Nikolaus had a hold of. However, he saw it coming and simply pulled on the other’s arm, causing the guy to exclaim in pain and pause his magic immediately. 

“I don’t think so.” Nikolaus pressed his knee hard into the guy’s back further, causing him to grunt, “Answer my question or I’ll break your arm.” 

The attacker opened his mouth, about to say something, when a knife flew past Nikolaus, barely grazing his cheek. 

Nikolaus swiveled his head and saw Elena angrily attacking the other one with fire. He then felt the one under him shift and he realized he had loosened his grip on him. 

The man yanked his arm away, twisted his body, and used his other arm to send some fire in Nikolaus’s face. The attack was weak, it barely made a mark, but it was enough for Nikolaus to jump off of him in alarm. 

As soon as Nikolaus released him the attacker got to his feet; not before grabbing the knife, which had landed within reach. 

Now that his attacker had a weapon, Nikolaus knew he had to keep his distance. He knew how to disarm someone with a knife but that didn’t mean he could just charge up to him. 

The attacker lunged forward, with his knife ready for attack. Just as Nikolaus was about to parry, his body froze. In a panic he tried to figure out the reason why and noticed that the attacker’s free hand was in a fist. 

Before he could analyze it further, the attacker stabbed him in the side and pushed him to the ground. As his back hit the ground, Nikolaus let out a pained grunt through clenched teeth. 

The attacker straddled him and Nikolaus attempted to throw him off, only to then realize he was still frozen. He surmised that his attacker must have been using puppet magic to manipulate his body. 

The attacker grabbed the knife that was still lodged in his side and plunged it deeper. Being unable to move, he couldn’t do much to react to the pain than close his eyes and clench his teeth harder as he tried not to scream. 

Nikolaus was panting from pain by the time the other stopped moving the knife. He opened his eyes and glared at the attacker, who didn’t seem to react, not that Nikolaus could tell much when his face was covered. However, he did unclench his fist and Nikolaus felt control return to his body. The relief only lasted a second though as the attacker then flicked his wrist and Nikolaus’s arm twisted back, lifting his shoulder in a weird angle. 

“Now, I have some questions I want you to answer,” the attacker began closing his fist again, “or I’ll break your arm.” 

He closed his fist and Nikolaus’s arm snapped; his elbow bending the opposite direction. Nikolaus screamed in pain before clenching his teeth again. He opened his eyes, having closed them before and sent another teary glare in his attacker’s direction. Absently, he registered Elena yelling his name in alarm.  

“Do you know someone named Ethan Wright?” 

Nikolaus blinked, before confusion settled on his face. “What?” 

“Ethan Wright. Do you know him?” The attacker repeated. 

“Why do you want to know? Who’s asking?” Nikolaus demanded, glaring at him. Even if he didn’t know, he wasn’t about to answer this guy unless he knew the risks. 

The attacker twisted his fist, crushing Nikolaus’s arm a bit more, “I don’t have to answer you. Now, I was informed you were friends with Ethan Wright. I’m here to see if that’s true.” 

Nikolaus scoffed, though the sound came out sounding more like a gasp, “A little overdoing it, aren’t you? A simple talk over lunch would have been just fine.” 

The attacker glared, or at least he assumed so based on his tone, “Don’t patronize me, you—" 

He was then cut off by a boulder hitting him in the head, knocking him off Nikolaus. 

He turned to his side, the one without a broken arm and knife, and moved away as he attempted to stand up. Elena came to his side and helped him. 

“I’m sorry I took so long. Are you okay?” Elena asked as she held his good arm to help stabilize him. 

“I’m fine.” He said painfully, “What about you? You’re bleeding a lot there.” 

He scanned her body and saw many cuts and gashes on her arms and legs. They must not have been too bad, since she’s moving with only a slight limp. 

“These didn’t take as much out of me as my magic did,” she said simply. 

The attacker she just hit with a boulder groaned and sat up. When he faced them, they noticed that the attack must have knocked his glasses off because they could clearly see golden eyes glaring at them now. 

“I’ll get you for that you little bitch—” 

Elena sent him a furious glare and let go of Nikolaus to send a wave of water at the man, only to freeze it once it hit him. 

“How dare you refer to a young lady that way!” she huffed once she was done. 

‘At least she didn’t freeze his head,’ Nikolaus noted absently as the man yelled at her to release him. 

Elena stumbled a bit and Nikolaus reached out for her. 

“I-I think I overdid it…” Elena panted as she held her head. She leaned on him for a second before she straightened up and scanned Nikolaus’s wounds. “How are your injuries?” 

“They’re…” He looked down at his injuries. His arm was broken, hanging limply at his side and the knife wound was still bleeding. However, he had a feeling that pulling it out would make it worse, so he left it alone. 

“I’ll manage,” he said simply. Elena gave him a look and was about to say something when Nikolaus decided to divert their attention somewhere else. 

“Arlo is in a worse condition than me.” 

Elena’s eyes widened as she swiveled her head around, looking for Arlo. “He took a bad hit earlier, didn’t he? How is he?” 

When she spotted him, they both limped their way over and knelt beside him. Nikolaus checked his pulse and breathing; the former was slow and his breathing was ragged and low. 

“I’ll call the police. We can’t do much for him now, but we can stop the bleeding from his head at the very least,” Nikolaus decided. 

Elena was silent as Nikolaus pulled out his phone, which had cracked a little, and started calling the police. 

“I-I think I can heal him,” Elena said after a moment. 

Surprised by the unexpected statement, he promptly turned his attention back to her and eyed her in confusion. “You can heal?” 

Elena nodded, “My mother taught me. It drains a lot of my energy though.” 

Suddenly a loud noise came from the attacker encased in ice, causing them both to flinch. 

Nikolaus eyed the male attacker warily, before turning back to his companion. They needed to take care of Arlo first. 

“Are you sure? You seem pretty tired already,” he asked, feeling weary and worried.  

“I’m sure.” Elena nodded in finality and carefully set her hands on Arlo’s back. A light emanated from her hands, and, after a moment, Nikolaus could see Arlo’s breathing evening out. 

Nikolaus was so distracted by her healing that he forgot to call the police for a moment and even dropped the phone to keep Elora upright when she started tipping from exhaustion. 

“He… should be… better…” She said in between pants; her magic had taken more out of her than she seemed to have expected. She fell sideways and Nikolaus found that it’s really hard to hold someone with one arm, even if they’re sitting. 

As he laid her down beside Arlo, her face seemingly going paler by the second, he deduced that she must have used up too much of her energy. Then he saw blood trickling under her and he paused. 

Ah. 

She’d been losing blood the entire time. 

Hurriedly, he flipped her over and clearly saw the large cut on her back that he somehow missed earlier; probably too busy with other things to notice. He cursed as he attempted to stop the bleeding but then he realized that he didn’t have anything to wrap it up, much less to disinfect it with or any of the other basic medical procedures one would do in medical emergencies.  

After the bleeding slowed significantly, he remembered that Arlo had brought a small first aid kit in his bag, so Nikolaus stood up to go get it. 

Or, at least he attempted to as he simply fell back on his knees the second he tried. 

Nikolaus clutched his side, the pain from the knife more noticeable the more he moved. He tried to ignore it earlier, he’s used to masking pain with a neutral face, but he couldn’t say the same for the rest of his body. 

Just as he was about to try standing again, a loud crack came from behind him, and he realized it was the sound of ice breaking. 

The same ice Elena had encased their attacker with. 

He turned to see the attacker breaking away the ice, all the while shivering. When he turned to the three teenagers, he had a furious glare on his face and if his mask was down Nikolaus probably would have seen him snarling as well. 

“Since you refuse to answer our questions…” The attacker started, turning his shivering body toward Nikolaus menacingly, “I suppose we have no use of you anymore.” 

Nikolaus narrowed his eyes. His heart raced in anticipation as he propped himself up with one knee on the ground. He grabbed the handle of the knife in his side, ignoring the pain, and decided to stab the attacker once he got close enough. 

That, however, never happened. 

The man had just started to lunge at him when a strong wind had picked up, causing him to pause because… 

…Well, because wind doesn’t exactly blow indoors. 

The wind blew harder, swirling around the three teenagers. Forgetting all about the attacker, Nikolaus knelt beside the other two. He grabbed Elena, holding her close, all the while keeping an eye on Arlo. As the wind blew harder and lightning formed, a light started to glow all around them. Nikolaus shut his eyes as the light grew bright and the wind continued to swirl harshly around them. Suddenly, he was falling and all he could do was hold Elena closer as he blacked out. 

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (707): Thu 22nd Feb 2024

I set off at half two for my MRI scan of my head. It wasn’t easy as I had to get a taxi into the town, a train from the town to Newcastle then another train to North Shields and finally a bus to the hospital. I could have just taken my bike but I didn’t want to risk the fucker breaking down in the Tyne Tunnel and I wasn’t spending fifty quid on a taxi. 

Luckily I’ve recently discovered that you can subscribe to your favourite podcasts on Apple and when you do this it automatically downloads the latest episodes so I wasn’t without entertainment for the trip. Todays taxi driver wasn’t ranting about how a website on the dark web that he regularly visits told him that pronouns were a covert operation by the Israeli government to take our guns away which was a bit of a shame but I did have a nice chat with todays driver about our shared love of Gran Canaria. While I was on the train / bus / hospital waiting room I managed to read the remaining half of The Stranger Diaries and it was just as enthralling as I had hoped. I now have only THREE books left in this ridiculous Edgar Award challenge that I started FOUR fucking years ago. I’m hoping that at least one of the three will be a detective / mystery tour de force but to be honest even that won’t match the euphoria I know I’ll feel when I finish reading the final line of the final page of the final book and at long last being able to take out my pen and cross this godforsaken challenge off my bucket list. I got to the hospital an hour early (which I had a feeling I would but I would rather be there an hour early than a minute late) and sat in the waiting room listening to ambient music. It occurred to me that this hospital was where I got the MRI scan telling me I had a herniated disc three years ago but for some reason the waiting room didn’t look the same. It then dawned on me that I was here in February 2021 which is when I would have been a year or so into my Edgar Award challenge which is fucking frightening. I finally got called in and was warned that in rare cases recent tattoos can have a reaction to MRI waves. She said that the reaction can be bleeding but I was picturing the drawings of Richie and Eddie coming to life which would be awesome. Speaking of the Hammersmith Hard Men while I was in the machine I went through the episode of Bottom where they go camping in my head to keep calm and pass the time. I was worried that I would get one of the violent needle sensations in my forehead while I was in the machine but thankfully I didn’t. The lass said that the results should be back with my GP in three to five working days. I’m sure I’ve done all this for nothing but I’ve read that violent needle sensations in the forehead can be symptoms of a brain tumour and I don’t want to have to go through the tedious process of being given tablets and told to increase the dosage over the next year to see if they release the pain only for them finally to sent me for an MRI in two years and discover it’s too late to do anything about it. 

[thatpunkmaximoff]

Story: 4 out of 5 Smut: 3 out of 5

This was everything I hoped for. I loved everything about Beck Sinclair and was rooting for him from the beginning. That man did everything just to get a face-to-face with his little brother’s ex and I’m not even mad about those little white lies.

And Margo! I loved that she didn’t immediately trust Beck straight away and got on his nerves early on. I mean she caved pretty fast to his advances and she tried to keep her wits about her, but a girl can only handle so much when it comes to a man like Beckham Sinclair lol.

The only thing I was let down by was that I think his little brother Carter deserved more punishment than what Beck delivered. A single punch wasn’t enough. He deserved a hospital stay for being a creep.

Now enjoy my rambling thoughts…

* Ex-boyfriend’s VERY attractive older brother has entered the picture. Game on.

* “Are you done?” // “Done with what?” // “Eye fucking me.” — God, I already love how blunt he is.

* Dude, wtf 😂 You seriously bought the company she works at because she was ignoring your calls 🤦🏻‍♀️

* What happened that “one night that weekend” 🤔

* “Say his name again, and I’ll bend you right over this table and fuck you until the only name you can say is mine. You’ll be so full of me you won’t even remember who you were thinking about before.” — woah, where tf did that come from 🥵

* And here I was worried about nothing interesting happening for a bit. I’m not even 30 pages in 😂

* God, Beck is so… bossy. It’s hot and annoying at the same time.

* He’s gonna give himself a serious case of blue balls with all this tension lol.

* The shopping spree. I love it. And Beck being a little shit in the dressing room.

* Aw fuck. Carter still loves Margo? Wtf. Dude cheated on her for the duration of their relationship! She better not even THINK about getting back with him.

* “Smack my ass again, Margo, and I’ll bend you over my knee and return the favor.”

* Oh my god. The email he sent her! 😂

* Of course they’d finally fuck after a snow storm hits. Also… how many chapters has it been already?! Nothing but smut lol.

* Goddamn. So Beck’s been pining for a while, huh. Margo too, but she won’t admit it so freely.

* “I’ve made a home out of Margo, even at risk of knowing she may never find a home in me.” — oh my god 🥺

* Awww. He slipped the engagement ring on her finger while she was sleeping. And then fucked her silly while the whole plane crew could hear 😂

* Lmao. She really likes teasing him, huh. She likes the punishments.

* Goddamn, Margo. I applaud you. Blowing Beck while his brother/your ex was in the room is *chef’s kiss* 💋

* I knew Carter was going to show up to the dinner. Fuck! And then to call Margo a whore.. fuck that dude. Beck should have decked him.

* They both want the relationship to be real! And it is!!!!

* Beck!!! What lies are you scared of Margo finding out?! Everything was going so well and now I’m scared 😒

* Carter needs to get his hands off of Margo right fucking now! Knowing he only sought a relationship with her to “take something from his brother” just pissed me off. He knew beck was interested and he swooped in before his brother could. Fuck this dude. Beck needs to beat the shit out of him.

* I don’t care that Beck paid Ruby to run that article on him. He liked Margo long ago and he told a little white lie to get her in a relationship. That’s fine! Carter is the true creep here.

* Oh my god… my babies just need to kiss and make up 😭

* Ugh. He deserved more than a punch. Oh well. At least Beck has him scared now.

* The portrait she drew 😭 oh my god. I love my babies so much.

* She got her dream job AND he proposed for real! I’m so happy.

[lizzy-calaxio]

further

Zenos charges at me – Fast. I instinctively hold my staff up to block the attack, and he cuts clean through it.

I begin casting without my staff. Dangerous, Omi told me not to do this. But I think he’d allow it here.

The voices don’t cease. My spells keep missing because my pain is so great it’s clouding my focus. Some of my spells just fizzle outright.

I sign to Shio, ignoring Zenos, “Hey….I’m….going to do something drastic. Can you distract Zenos?”

Shio nods, concern flashing on her face.

“I won’t die.” I sign. Am I lying to her? Am I lying to myself? I guess it won’t matter soon.

I leap backwards, and begin channeling aether through myself. My arms begin to burn with the intensity of one hundred suns. Visions of Dalamud flood my mind. The prayers of millions towards Hydaelyn, the Warrior of Light, and Azem assault my ears. I focus them into tangible aether.

Zenos tries to interrupt my casting, but Shio blocks. Her trusty katana not breaking like my staff did.

Lucky her. I liked that staff.

Omi’s words echo in my mind, “Do. Not. Use. Meltdown. The only exception is if it is truly Life or Death.”

I think this fits. I might die anyway.

Above me, inches above my hands, a massive fire ball builds.

Flashes of Bahamut charging Teraflare flood my mind.

I let out a weak chuckle, cycles truly continue, huh?

I shove 90% of my entire being into the fireball. It feels heavy. It looks as large as Dalamud to me, but I can’t possibly accurately gauge its size.

I make a silent prayer, to myself. To Suzaku. To Nymeia. To Ramuh.

Please. PLEASE. Fucking let Shio survive this. I cast Meltdown at Zenos.

I see Shio’s katana melt.

My vision starts to fade, as I begin to collapse, it sounds quiet, for the first time in forever. The prayers have stopped. I must have succeeded.

I speak coherently for the first time in months, “I’m sorry I melted your favourite katana, Shio.”

I hit the ground hard, and lose consciousness.

~~

I watch as the spell - Meltdown, signature spell of Lahabrea of the Convocation of Fourteen - tears the air asunder in this no-place.

Idly, I wonder where Lizzy learned such an evocation.

There is a vast, unending, searing heat, passing ilms from my fingers, and my katana melts to useless slag. Immediately, I cast it aside, giving it no further thought.

I see Lizzy collapse, and even as I lunge at Zenos, I am calling out with all the fervour I can muster.

"Marfil-m. Take her to safety. Keep her there."

A brush of fingers on the back of my neck as I see a glimmer of rainbows around Lizzy, and she is gone. I relax, marginally. And return my focus to the exiled Prince. I crack my knuckles. I plant my feet.

I start swinging. My teeth are bared; some might call it a smile.

At least one of us isn't walking away today.

At least Lizzy is safe. ~~

“Ah, Soroban, you’re here, good. Thank you for coming.”

I lay in a hospital bed, the gown I was put in reveals my aether scarring. The deep purple travelling down my arms makes me self conscious, I try to resist the urge to cover them.

“Of course, I’m just as worried about our Shio as you are.” he says to me.

The mental image of Shio tossing her favourite katana aside, and leaping towards Zenos as I collapse lingers in my minds eye.

I shake off the image.

“I need some help, I accidentally melted the katana Bunchin gave her. I want to gift her a new one, hopefully one that can withstand that level of heat. I’ve already sent a missive to a blacksmith I trust – Orinitt, he can do the job, however I want you and yours to help with the aesthetic design.” I hand Soroban a slip of paper with a location on it, “Can you discuss with him about this task?”

Soroban takes the paper, and reads it, and shakes his head, “I will not be leaving Sharlayan until Shio returns safely, however I can pass this to another Kojin to help.”

A not so quiet scene before the end of endwalker: Massive Shadowbringers and Endwalker spoilers characters mentioned belong to @the-littlest-kojin

I sit down on Archon Rayne’s couch, and pull out a book, and a quill. I try to start writing. “Warrior of Light, please save me.” “I need help Warrior of Light.” “Hydaelyn heed my prayers, guide us to safety.” “The Warrior of Light will save us.” The thoughts endlessly pour into my head. The throbbing never ceasing. A glow emanates through my sleeves – a blinding bright red. Red...I used to love the color, but now… “WARRIOR OF LIGHT WHERE ARE YOU?!” “Hydaelyn save us.” “Warrior of Light...if you’re out there….I need you now more than ever.” I hold my head, and Archon Rayne glances at me, and signs “Do you need to be put in a coma again?” I shake my head, and continue to try to write a letter. “Hydaelyn where are you?” “The Warrior of Light is strong.” The infinite stream of prayers screaming in my ears drowns out my own thoughts, drowns out any speech of those around me. A person I don’t recognize enters Archon Rayne’s office, they look like a student. I can’t hear what they’re saying. The words go on the page. I occasionally have to start over when I write a stray prayer I hear. “Azem, I need your strength.” “Where’s the Warrior of Light?!” “HELP US!” I’ve never felt so much pain coursing through me. I feel like I’m halfway in phoenix form. Archon Rayne can see everything I’m going through. I wonder what he’s thinking as he speaks to the student. My hand strays to absentmindedly touch my fresh Archon mark on my ribs. I got this, surely I can manage one letter. I owe it to her, at the very least. Shio deserves it. “I’m not worried about the upcoming battle, we have the Warrior of Light on our side.” Shio doesn’t deserve the weight of the world on her, I will happily shoulder this weight for her. I’m ok. I’m happy here. I’m handling this ok. “Warrior of Light, please save me.” “I need help Warrior of Light.” “Hydaelyn heed my prayers, guide us to safety.” “The Warrior of Light will save us.” “WARRIOR OF LIGHT WHERE ARE YOU?!” “Hydaelyn save us.” “Warrior of Light...if you’re out there….I need you now more than ever.” “Hydaelyn where are you?” “The Warrior of Light is strong.” “Azem, I need your strength.” “Where’s the Warrior of Light?!” “HELP US!” “Warrior of light-” “Azem-” “Hydaelyn-” “Warrior of light-” “Warrior of light-” “Warrior of light-” “Warrior of light-” “Warrior of light-” Stop stop stop, please just fucking STOP. Archon Rayne offers again, through sign, “Are you sure? My previous offer stands.”

I look at my sloppily written letter. I speak aloud, “Feo Ul, I need you real quick.” Archon Rayne hears, “Afnargle Spakrefon Lurgrapble.” surely thinking I’ve gone insane. Feo Ul appears, “You need a letter delivery?” I nod, and hand them the letter. “If….If I die, give this to Shio. And….can you give me some nice dreams in a minute?” Feo Ul nods, and disappears again. I sign to Archon Rayne, “Coma please, I need to rest before we set off in the Ragnarok.” As my eyes close, the prayers of everyone desperate for a saviour fade away. My thoughts linger on possible outcomes. I have a terrifying thought of what Omi told me. “If your aether gets more corrupted, you will turn into a Primal.” I have a flash of a vision of me, appearing as the Warrior of Light we fought on the first. But with phoenix wings, and using a samurai sword. I pray to Suzaku that this future does not come to pass. As I slip into sleep, I hope this rest lasts long.