#at least he sent me for blood tests and stuff

[sadkachow]

me: so yeah i feel super dizzy and lightheaded when i stand up and also just at random times of the day and also my heart just starts pounding randomly and it skips a beat randomly at least once a day and im also experiencing these other small things that i realized probably arent normal

the cardiologist: yeah, your heart’s beating too fast, but that’s just Normal Teenager Things™️! probably just like dehydration or something lol

[7s3ven]

NOBODY’S SON, NOBODY’S DAUGHTER. luke (pjo) pt 3

PART 1 > PART 2 > PART 3 > PART 4 (last pt)

( masterlist )

IN WHICH… being the boyfriend of Zeus’ daughter is easy for Luke but their relationship is tested when a new arrival has his eyes set on someone in particular; Y/N.

“You’re in the wind, I’m in the water. Nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter.”

Warnings : Luke ain’t gonna betray anyone this time, don’t worry, not following plot, communication problems, relationship problems, Y/N and Luke are little rocky together, a little bit of angst

—

TAG LIST : @lostinhisworld @julielightwood @outerbanks-stuff @jennapancake @csifandom @evrybodydies1 @kkrenae @s0ulsniper @annispamz @justanotherkpopstanlol @soraya-09 @simpforeveyone @papichulo120627 @corpsebridenightamare @lilacspider @prettylilsimp @urmomsbananabread @ur-lacol-dsylexic @hottiewifeyyyy @kamiliora @be-bap @finnickodaddy @th0tblckgrl @shoyofroyoyoyo @uniquely-her @imafrkinsimp @syraxesrevenge @ahh-chickens @dracoslovergirl @midnightstar-90 @8812-342 @liv1104 @krkiiz @arialikestea @ch16rles @lizziesliz @maryclx01 @lukecastellandefender @yuminako @coryoskywalker @julielightwood @crybabysbakery @jsbaby @liviessun @p3pperm1nttea @angie-esc @purplerose291 @prettylilsimp @10ava01 @froggiesstalks @happy-jj @czennieszn @gisellesprettylies @loveyava @csifandom @luvvfromme @mashiromochi @kamiliora @yorksyree

—

Life was good for Luke. He was still the most respected swordsman at camp, the Hermes cabin was as energetic as ever, and he had been dating his longtime crush for months now. Everything was perfect.

“Hey Sparky.” Luke said as he walked into Y/N’s cabin without a second thought. She was still lying in bed, glaring at him with her E/C eyes that he loved so much.

“It’s six in the morning. Get out or be quiet.” Y/N waved him off but he was persistent.

“You promised to train with me.” Luke frowned, hurrying over to kneel beside Y/N’s bed.

“Tomorrow.” She muttered, closing her eyes so she could sneak in a moment more of sleep.

“You said that yesterday. And the day before. At least hold my water bottle!”

Y/N couldn’t resist Luke when he looked at her with those puppy eyes. Eventually, she found herself standing in the centre of the arena dressed in loosely fitting armour and holding a heavy sword. “I never agreed to this.” She muttered, furrowing her eyebrows.

She wasn’t even fully dressed, still in her pjs under the armour, while Luke was ready to go. He took a huge gulp of cold water from his bottle, grinning.

“Just one round, Sparky. Fight me like you mean it and I’ll let you sit out.”

But fighting Luke was never an easy feat. Five minutes later, Y/N was still locked in a complicated battle with her brown-haired sweetheart.

“Slow down, will you? I just woke up.” She muttered, sloppily blocking a blow that was aimed at her chest. Luke merely chuckled, swinging his weapon even faster.

“Sorry, Sparky. But I’ve got to train somehow.”

“By almost maiming your girlfriend?!” Y/N exclaimed as she ducked. She quickly rolled across the ground and stood up behind Luke.

“Yeah. Something like that.” He sent her a mischievous wink as he spun around, metal clashing against metal. Y/N scoffed, kicking his ankles. She liked to play dirty. In one of their first capture the flag matches, Y/N had bit Luke. And had drawn blood. That was the start to their close relationship.

“I’m tired, Luke.” She complained, slouching. “Let me rest.” Despite wanting to continue training, Luke let Y/N off easy. He knew he wouldn’t get another mock fight out of her in this state. She happily skipped over to the bench, lying down on it.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Luke’s lips as he stared at Y/N. Her head suddenly turned and Luke bashfully looked away. Nothing could make him shy… nothing but Y/N. She laughed at him, knowing the effect she had on Luke.

“I’m going to change. And maybe get some last-minute sleep. You wanna come or are you gonna stay here and train?” Y/N raised her eyebrows as she took her armor off. Luke was quick to drop his sword and unbuckle his chest-plate.

“I’ll come with.” He said. Y/N muffled her laughter and simply knocked Luke to the side with her hip.

“New kids sure are pouring in.” Y/N mumbled. Just yesterday, another boy had arrived. He was around Y/N and Luke’s age, which was uncommon for newcomers. How had he managed to avoid the monsters for so long?

“Remember when that girl tried flirting with me last week?” Luke asked, chuckling to himself. Y/N quietly snickered as she nodded her head.

Just last week, a new girl had began flirting with Luke. People tried to warn her but she didn’t listen. Y/N hadn’t even stepped out of her cabin before Clarisse pinned the newbie to the cold ground and forced her to stay away from Luke.

“Clarisse sure is working hard to prevent anybody interested from approaching us.” Y/N found it amusing because Clarisse never cared about couples until Y/N and Luke started dating.

“So. You up for training again tomorrow?” Luke questioned, changing the topic. Y/N playfully scoffed.

“Luke, you know your my second favourite boy… but no.” Y/N didn’t know how many more late nights and early mornings she could take.

“Second? Who’s first?” Luke sped up slightly, furrowing his eyebrows at Y/N.

“Percy.” She shrugged, “Sorry, Luke, but he’s a better breakfast buddy. And he doesn’t wake me up at the crack of dawn.”

Luke lightly pouted. He knew Y/N was joking but there was no way Percy was ranked above him. “I won’t wake you up early anymore.” He uttered, making Y/N pause.

“I guess I’ll have to change my list then. Percy’s been demoted to number two.”

Immediately, Luke’s eyes lit up. If he were a dog, his tail would’ve been wagging back and forth. Luke opened the cabin door, letting Y/N walk in first before he followed.

“We still have an hour before breakfast so Luke, don’t disturb me. Do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t wake me up.” Y/N sternly pointed at him and he mockingly saluted.

“Yes, ma’am.”

While Y/N lay down, Luke resorted to looking around the cabin. There wasn’t anything of significant interest apart from the closet shoved into a deserted corner, which Luke ignored. The last time he opened a mysterious closet, he was dragged into it. Of course, it was a prank meant for an Athena kid but they were too smart to fall for it. Especially when said closet was placed in the middle of a flower field.

Luke looked at Y/N, who was already sound asleep. He smiled, creeping over to the side of the bed. He found peaceful solitude in tracing his eyes over Y/N’s soft features. He would’ve stared at her for hours if she didn’t groggily wake up five minutes later.

“You’re distracting.” She groaned, glaring at Luke.

“I’m not even doing anything this time, Sparky!” Of course, as Y/N’s boyfriend plus friend, it was his job to annoy her. “How am I distracting?”

“Your staring is distracting. Come over here.” Y/N motioned to the spot beside her on the unusually large bed. Luke gleefully climbed in, immediately hugging Y/N. He was as affectionate as ever, even more so now that they were officially together.

Y/N hummed as Luke tilted her chin up, lightly kissing her. “Luke.” She mumbled against his lips, “I wanna sleep.”

“Five more minutes.” He uttered those famous words.

“Sleep now, act like a couple later.” Y/N pulled away, lying down on Luke’s chest. She closed her eyes, sighing deeply.

“Can I come with you when you teach the newbies to sword fight? I’m in the mood for watching you pummel them.”

Luke chuckled, hugging Y/N even tighter. “Sure, Sparky. I’ll try not to embarrass myself too much.”

Y/N sat on the bench, beaming at Luke. His eyes remained glued to her despite one of the younger kids tripping over their own feet.

“Hey, you’re Y/N, right?”

She almost jumped when someone sat beside her. Suddenly, Luke’s face shifted. Y/N turned her head, glancing at the boy beside her.

“Oh. Yeah. Um, you’re one of the new kids, right?” Y/N questioned, tilting her head to the side.

“Yeah. I just got here yesterday. I’m honestly still a little confused so it’d be great if you could show me around.” He smiled, showing off his pearly white teeth.

“I guess I could try? I’m a little busy because of my duties as head counsellor. By default, of course. Because I’m the only one in my cabin.”

“Oh, who’s your godly parent?”

Y/N hesitated for a second before she cleared her throat. “… Zeus.” She wasn’t proud of having him as her father. He was unbearable, especially when he ignored her for so long then proceeded to act as if he hadn’t.

“That’s cool. Can you control lightning or something?”

“Perhaps. Percy has some water powers so maybe it applies to me too.” Y/N shrugged. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Luke excuse himself from the campers across the arena.

Y/N watched him with bated breath as he approached her. “Hey. Is there something wrong with your armour?” He asked the boy beside Y/N. “Because we’re going to start mock fights soon. Clarisse will be monitoring.” Luke jabbed a thumb over his shoulder.

“Ah, no. Everything’s good. Don’t worry. My armor’s fine.” The unnamed boy stood up, walking over to the rest of the group.

“What was that for?” Y/N softly asked, “He was only asking for some help.”

“He was flirting, Y/N.” Luke cooly replied, sitting down next to her. “I know guys like that. Their way of flirting is asking for help.”

“You don’t know that, Luke.”

“Yes. I do, Y/N.”

“The overprotective nature was cute at first, Luke. But you can’t assume every guy who talks to me is interested in me.”

“I see the way they look at you. I mean, how could they not? You’re beautiful and kind and great at fighting and on top of that, you’re Zeus daughter.”

“I chose you, Luke. Not any of the other guys desperate for my attention. You think I’m not jealous when I see girls giggling at you? Of course I am. But I know that you’re mine. And you have to know that my heart only belongs to you.”

Luke cracked a small grin. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry, Y/N. I just got jealous.”

“It’s okay, Luke. I’m sorry I called your overprotectiveness annoying. It’s not. I still think it’s cute. I was just caught up in the moment. I guess I just didn’t want to feel helpless. A daughter of Zeus should not be helpless.”

“You aren’t helpless. Whoever thinks that you are needs a major reality check.” Luke shook his head, glancing over at Clarisse. “You wanna get out of here?” He whispered, nudging Y/N.

“I, um, actually agreed to show him around.” Y/N mumbled, pointing over at the boy. Luke pressed his lips into a thin line.

“Okay.” He gently said, nodding his head. “I’ll keep Annabeth company while you show him around. But if he tries anything funny, I will punch him.” Luke warned.

“I know, Luke. I know.” She smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. She was partly hoping that the boy from before saw their interaction so he would put whatever sneaky schemes he had to rest.

“So, let me get this straight, Annabeth found out Percy was Poseidon’s child when Clarisse cornered him in a bathroom… and shoved his head into a toilet?” Y/N raised an eyebrow as she picked another strawberry, placing it in the straw basket Luke was holding.

“Yeah. And then Percy practically attacked her with toilet water.” Luke chuckled to himself as he bit into a strawberry. “Annabeth told me all about it. It was hilarious.”

“Sounds like Percy.” Y/N replied, plucking a few more berries. She handed one to Luke, who took it like a child being given candy.

“So, how was showing that boy around?”

“Well, I thought his name was Alston and it took about two hours for me to realise that his name was actually Allen. He never corrected me so I never knew.”

Luke huffed in amusement as he slung his arm around Y/N’s shoulder. “Sounds like you. Any idea of what cabin he’d gonna be in?”

“Ares.” Y/N immediately answered, taking Luke by surprise. “He’s hungry for power. He has a thirst for it. And he can’t seem to tear his eyes off the Ares kids, it’s like he’s drawn to them. What about you?”

“Good guess. Ares as well for me.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just copying me?”

Their playful banter went on for quite some time. It was normal for the couple to tease and push. That’s how they were before they started dating too.

“Have you ever tried chocolate on strawberries?” Luke asked, picking up another red berry.

“I’m not obsessed with them like you are, Luke.” Y/N was never much of a sugar person. She liked desserts for a certain extent and chocolate wasn’t her favourite like Luke’s was.

“How come I have a cute nickname for you and you don’t have one for me?” Luke questioned, gazing down at Y/N.

“I’m not big on pet names. And I could hardly call Sparky cute. Unless you want to be called messenger boy, don’t push it.”

“I’ll message you my heart.” Luke grinned as he pulled out a slip of paper that was stamped with a red heart.

“What’s this?” Y/N turned it over but Luke stopped her from opening it.

“Read it when I’m gone otherwise I’ll be too embarrassed. It’s just a little gift for my amazing girlfriend.” Luke quickly kissed her before he hurried off, taking the strawberries with him.

Y/N sat down in a sunny patch and opened the letter, staring at Luke’s neat handwriting. “A love letter…” She whispered, her eyes widening. She has received plenty of love letters before, mostly before she came to Camp, but Luke’s felt special. He was pouring his heart out to her through his inked words and messily drawn hearts.

“Hey Y/N. What ya reading?”

She held back a small scoff as Allen approached her, hands clasped behind her back.

“Something private.” She said, hoping he would get the hint. But he didn’t.

“Is it a love letter? Who still writes those, these days?” Allen plucked the letter from Y/N’s grasp and before she could stop him, he dunked it in a nearby puddle. “Oops.” He merely smirked.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Y/N seethed, watching as the ink bled out from off the paper and Luke’s beloved words floated away.

“You’ll get another love letter. No need to be so uptight.” Allen laughed, not noticing how Y/N’s vision flashed red with anger. She was never one to get furious but Luke’s gifts meant the world to her.

“Are you crazy? Stupid? Perhaps mentally impaired? Why would you do that? Even if the letter didn’t mean much to me, you have no right to grab it and ruin it!” Y/N stood up, wobbling from side to side. Her body felt unusually heavy.

“It was just a joke, Y/N.” Allen reached out to touch her. He grasped her wrist but was suddenly flung back by an unknown force. As he lifted his hand, he yelped. It had been burnt, and badly. His skin was sizzling and some parts were even charred black.

“Don’t touch me again.” Y/N muttered, storming off. Allen clicked his tongue, watching her leave.

“Crazy bitch.” He muttered under his breath. He went to the infirmary and got his hand patched up before returning to the Hermes cabin.

“Yo, what happened to your hand?” Chris asked almost immediately. Luke’s eyes flickered over to the bandage that was wrapped around Allen’s hand.

“Y/N. The crazy girl went ballistic after her little love letter fell in water. I grabbed her and then she flung me back. I didn’t even know she could do that.” Allen scoffed.

Luke didn’t wait around to hear the rest. He was out of the cabin before Allen could say another word. He burst into Y/N’s room, making an instant beeline for her figure hiding beneath the blankets.

“Go away, Clarisse. I told you, I don’t want to talk.” Y/N said, shifting around.

“It’s not Clarisse, Sparky. What happened? Why’d you burn Allen?”

Y/N slowly slid the covers off her head. “I didn’t mean to. I was so angry that I didn’t know what was happening. He dunked your letter in water, Luke! So I snapped at him and he tried to stop me from leaving by grabbing me. And I don’t know how it happened, but I burnt him and sent him crashing into the strawberry bushes.

“Oh… are the strawberries okay?” Luke furrowed his eyebrows together, concerned.

“Luke,” Y/N glowered at him, “This is about me! Not the strawberries!” She hit his chest. “It’s not like it’s my fault he touched me. He deserved it anyway.”

“I know, Sparky. I know. I’ll take care of him. You just focus on calming down. It’s not your fault. I’ll write you a million letters if you need.” Luke hugged her, pressing a long kiss to the side of her head. She laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Thanks, Luke.” She mumbled, pressing her face deeper into his shirt.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Y/N froze. She stiffly rested in Luke’s embrace, staring blankly at his bright orange shirt. An awkward silence rested between the pair and even though Luke didn’t comment on her lack of response, he still wondered why didn’t she reply?

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair how we’re always fighting against the Hermes and Athena cabin?” Clarisse said as she sharpened her sword. She clicked her tongue.

“It is a little unfair. Annabeth is always one step ahead of us.” Y/N sighed. She clenched her jaw when she spotted Allen walking towards her. “Oh, great. Jerk alert.” She whispered to Clarisse, rolling her eyes.

“I’ll leave you to beat him up.” The Ares girl replied, shoving her way past Allen.

“Y/N. Hey. I just wanna say that I’m sorry. I didn’t know the letter meant that much to you.”

She stared at him, unimpressed. “Okay.” She murmured.

“Okay? That’s it? I apologised to you and all you say is okay?” Allen scoffed.

“Just because you apologised doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Y/N resisted the urge to roll her eyes in fear they would get stuck. She spent so much time being annoyed with people.

“Do you have to be such a bitch about it?” Allen snapped.

Y/N deeply inhaled. She stiffly smiled at Allen before standing up. “I have to go.” She uttered, brushing past the boy. But just like last time, he grabbed her hand and unfortunately for her, there was no electricity to save her.

“Accept my apology.” He said, gripping her arm so tight he may as well leave a bruise.

“I told you not to touch me.” Y/N tried to pull her arm out of his grasp but he was relentless.

“Leave me alone, okay!” She exclaimed, lifting her other hand and slapping Allen’s check. “Stay away from me, you creep! Honestly!”

Y/N scoffed in disgust, storming off. She went to go find Luke, but she found him on the porch of the Aphrodite cabin, talking to the same girl that tested their relationship before it even started.

Y/N slowly licked her lips and looked away, fidgeting with her hands. She decided to leave Luke alone for now, ignoring the dull ache she felt in her chest.

After months of pure happiness, everything was coming crashing down. And there was nothing Y/N could do to stop it. She sighed, collapsing on her own wooden porch. A new game of capture the flag was going to start soon and she didn’t have time to brood.

“Hey, you good?” Clarisse asked as Y/N slid her helmet over her head and the first conch blew. Y/N simply smiled, nodding over at her best friend.

“Yeah. I’m good. Don’t worry about it, Clari.” She smiled again to reassure Clarisse. She glanced over at Luke and the Aphrodite girl, whose name was Lana. They were laughing together. They had been for the past few days. Y/N didn’t know if it was her or Luke but lately, they hadn’t been talking at all.

Clarisse followed her gaze and pieced everything together. “You can switch positions with someone else.” She offered because they both knew Luke was going to be the one to get the flag. “Today feels like an offence day for you anyway.”

Y/N silently smiled at Clarisse as she switched jobs with one of the Ares kids.

“Thanks, Clari.”

“No problem, baby. If it weren’t for Luke, I might’ve dated you myself.” Clarisse playfully smirked while Y/N laughed.

“If it weren’t for him, I might’ve taken you up on that offer.”

Communication was important in a relationship but for some reason, Y/N and Luke could never talk peacefully. It always turned into argument and one, if not both of them, would turn away hurt.

Y/N was ready to go by the time the second conch blew. Usually, she guarded her team’s flag but today, she was hunting through the woods. Each of her opponents were more surprised than the last to see her because it was always Luke’s job to duel against her. He was really the only one who could beat her.

“We surrender.” The blue leader said, hands help up. Y/N smiled, slinging her spear over her shoulder.

“Easy peasy.” She said to her teammates, who laughed with her. “This might be the quickest game yet. Let’s grab that flag and get outta here.”

Y/N didn’t know who she was expecting to be guarding the blue flag. Maybe Percy or Chris or even Annabeth herself. But not Luke.

He easily disarmed her teammates, leaving Y/N for last. “Rematch, Sparky?” He uttered, mockingly swinging his sword.

“Really? We don’t talk for a few days and that’s all you say?” Y/N replied as she blocked the blow.

“Well, last I recall, you’re always busy with Allen.”

“Not willingly. You know that.”

“What was he doing in the arena with you then?”

Y/N scoffed. “Annoying me. What are you and Lana always talking about?”

“Don’t turn this on me, Sparky.” Luke warned as he stepped to the side, barely avoiding Y/N’s weapon.

“We really need to figure our shit out, Luke. Maybe somewhere that’s not on a battlefield.”

Y/N and Luke were both headstrong and stubborn, which is what made communication so hard in the first place.

“Lana’s only a friend, Y/N. Barely that. I’m only helping her. What do you call Allen?”

“An obnoxious fly.” Y/N whacked Luke in the head, taking him by surprise.

“You seem closer than that. He’s always touching you.”

“And every time he does, I wish I could burn him. Are you sure you aren’t jealous?”

“Are you sure you aren’t? Your eyes are always on Lana.”

“Because she likes you, Luke. And she hasn’t gotten the hint that you’re taken.”

Y/N’s teammates exchanged looks and quietly crawled away from the now private conversation.

“Why don’t you trust me, Y/N? You know I’d never cheat on you.” Luke furrowed his eyebrows as he wiped away beads of sweat with the back of his hand.

“You have to trust me first. Why would I choose Allen over you? That seems like an unfair deal.”

“Maybe you just like the attention. I mean, you didn’t even say you love me back.” Luke shrugged, stepped back to avoid his leg from being slashed by Y/N’s blade.

“I’m not ready for that, Luke! You know what,” Y/N paused gripping her spear tightly. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of arguing and not trusting each other. A relationship requires trust and despite being friends before all this, we’re doing a lousy job of it. So…”

Y/N pursed her lips as she trailed off. “So, maybe we’re just trying to make something impossible work.”

Luke suddenly froze, realising the small argument was going somewhere he didn’t want it to. “You don’t mean that, Y/N.”

“… I do. Luke, we’ve been avoiding each other and over what? Stupid things. You’re blaming me for talking to guys and I’m getting mad at you for even looking at other girls. Luke, we’re not in a stable relationship. We’re both insecure and there’s no communication between us. Don’t you see it? I think the best thing to do here… is take a break.”

It was silent, save for the chirping birds. In the distance, Y/N could hear Clarisse let out a battle cry. Luke sighed, stepping aside. “Just… take the flag, Y/N. Take it. I don’t care about it anymore.”

“We’re going to talk about this later, Luke.”

“Yeah. I know, Sparky. Just… go.” He heaved another heavy sigh, almost shaking. Y/N gripped the flag, sparing Luke one more glance before she sprinted through the forest.

Luke watched as she not only stole the flag but also his heart with it.

[the-s1lly-corner]

SCRAMBLES IN-

Ive had Cotl Bishop relapse and stumbled across your one bed trope with them-

What if lamb catches on that something more might be brewing and lowkey ships it, so they just upgrade the already existing hut instead of building a new one.

And just a few headcanons as to how reader and bishops grow closer/realisation that their cult leader ships it?

(I think it would be funny if at dinner one time lamb just asks 'so when are you gonna ask them out?' and that sentence alone almost kills the bishops again /joke)

P.s would reader be allowed to be a cuddle bug?

P.s.s sorry if this a lot, feel free to pick and choose what parts of the idea you want to include or not. If you want to cut down on the amount of characters Shamura and Leshy would be preffered. ^^

Lambert playing matchmaker w/ you and the bishops

rubs my little hands- you guys ever make all your other followers to go sleep on holy day rituals but leave just 2 followers (that you ship together) alone so they can actually befriend each other and/or fall in love or is that just me notes: reader is gn, playing off of the one bed trope post , post game but not post final quest, short time jump so its at least within a few weeks of the respective bishop joining the cult, written on mobile cws: implied freaky stuff but like "lambert jokes about sending them and you to the mating tent to try to bring you two closer"

Leshy

He hardly needs the Lambe help to make his move on you, hes still got that god like arrogance... he sometimes pops out of the ground just to bug you while you're working... may attempt to drag you off to do something else

...it does sometimes take him a while to recognize the feelings as romantic, before he just loved how attentive you were to him.. it reminded him of how his followers used to fawn over him in godhood

Probably has the balls to scurry into your bed and ask to huddle up with you- it's too cold in this shelter, hes a bug! Hes cold blooded! Warm him up!! ..his moss.. leaves.. things... dont feel too bad.. and if it's too hot? The moss is cool to the touch! It's a win no matter the condition!

If he could glare at the lamb he would, the question of when hes going to ask you out doesnt make him falter... grumbles under his breath about the lamb being annoying and to go away... he cant see the smirk they're giving him

Finds himself working in the same areas as you- if you're chopping wood hes chopping wood.. and so on... not that hes actually going to do work, hes going to attempt to drag you off somewhere

Heket

Shes like her younger brother, shes confident enough to eventually make a move when she feels its right... she won't turn you down for a cuddle session even if shes not entirely a cuddler...

The lamb catches her beelining for wherever you're working to make sure you're not overworking yourself- and how she sometimes forcefully drags you to get some water or to take a break

She actually can glare, and the look she gives the lamb is enough to kill but they remain unphased and ask if she wants them to assign her to the same jobs as you

Super straight forward when she does ask you out, torn vocal cords make it hard to dance around topics- it may almost come off as a threat but that's just because of the growl and strain, her body language tells you shes trying to be tender

Kallamar

If he didnt feel humiliated from getting his ass beat twice by the lamb he would waste no time in trying to romance you- if he had met you later after hes been in the cult for longer, then itd be a different case...

Hes more subtle, testing the waters to see if you're receptive slowly getting bolder with time until hes basically flirting with you

Damn near inks himself when the lamb asks him when he plans on asking you out... would he like it if they sent the two of you to the mating tent to spend some time together? They say it jokingly but he nearly jumps on the offer... though he'd much rather the idea come from you

Subtly brags about his past accomplishments to try to win you over, regardless of if you know he was a bishop or not

Shamura

Slow slow burn, theyve never rushed into relationships so why start now? They want to know all there is to know about you before committing to you.... this leads to a lot of late night talks in your shared hut

Waits until you're both done with your work for the day before coming to you

To outsiders there doesnt seem to be any feelings on their end- but to their siblings and the lamb.. they can tell.. it also helps when at least one of those people can read minds

They don't give much of a reason to the lamb asking when they're going to ask you out- actually they answer honestly if theyve already decided when

Bonus they chirp/purr at you. Literally the only hint to you that they might have some attraction to you prior to asking you out- excluding them outright saying they think you're beautiful or a good companion to have or the longing gazes or how they guide your hands for a task or-

[charmercharm3r]

flushed with fever

HHJ, LFX

Masterlist

wc: 3.6k

Requested

Synopsis: Toxic as it is, he can't help looking at you in a loving relationship and wishing it was him instead. He also can't stop looking at your boyfriend.

warnings: angst with an up-for-interpretation ending, suggestive, alcohol consumption, reader gets lightly shoved once but that's about it

God, Felix hated him. Felix doesn’t hate anyone, but he hates him. He hates his stupid nicely styled hair. He hates his stupid charming smile, hates how tall he was and how he knew he was always the most attractive one in the room– Hyunjin’s confidence was something Felix envied. Almost as much as he envied the fact that Hyunjin had you.

You, with that sweet perfume that he loved. You, with the little hop you did whenever you saw him. You, with your eyes that lit up every time Hyunjin even looked in your direction. Felix had been watching you fall deeper in love with his roommate for as long as he could remember. He felt so terrible every time he was around the two of you because of how jealous he was. No– jealousy is juvenile. What Felix felt was covetous, yearning, and insatiable all within the same breath that it took to say your name.

Out of all the times you’d hung out with Felix one on one, it had to be a group outing that sent him over the metaphorical edge. He didn’t even want to go, but you batted your pretty lashes at him and he couldn’t help melting on the spot. You jumped with joy when he said yes and even gave him a hug, Felix tried to brush off the affection but it was too hard to resist not embracing you back. “I’m excited! I feel like you never wanna hang out anymore,” you didn’t think anything of it as the words left your mouth– it made his blood boil for a second.

“I wanna hang out. With you.” A little more backhanded than he intended, but the point got across. You frowned, but quickly let it go in favor of lightly scratching the underside of his chin.

“You could always ask me to hang out, too y’know. You’re my best friend, aren’t you?”

Best friend. He hated that word almost as much as he hated Hyunjin. Okay– hate is a strong thing to say, moreso the idea of your boyfriend left a nasty taste in his mouth whenever he thought of him. But even with all those mixed emotions, he still cared for you more than anything. So Felix nodded and smiled and did as he always did to ease the pain.

He and Hyunjin were close, so his secret disdain for the other boy made him all the more conflicted inside. There was the fact that his older, raven haired friend was nothing but nice to him, Hyunjin took care of him and supported him in the same way Felix supported you. Felix understood why you fell for him no matter how much he tried to deny it. In another world, perhaps he would have tested those waters himself. That only begs a question he refused to confront.

It was your idea to arrive at your group’s gathering together, Felix automatically assumed that Hyunjin would be joining as well, so his early departure before you came was confusing. But you knocked on the front door an hour later with a bright smile and greeted him the way you always did. Felix just had to ask why your boyfriend left before you. “He’s helping Changbin set up. Something about a fire pit he can’t get started– as if Hyunjin knows anything about that,” you joked.

Maybe he was reading too much into it, but he didn’t dwell for long. You were here all for himself, at least for the time being. Felix let you in the house while he gathered up his stuff and you watched as he did so with a look he couldn’t quite read, sitting at the kitchen island with your hands perched in your palms and a furrow in your brow.

“What’re you thinking about?” He asked and came to pack the rest of his bag across the counter.

“You.”

The sudden admittance made his ears perk and immediately tint red. “And Hyunjin.” Felix’s cheeks suddenly felt hot. Was he sweating?

“How so?” He powered through his own flush to ask.

“What happened between you two?” Such an unexpected question really threw him off to the point his hands froze entirely as he stopped to look you dead in the face. It was like you were reading his mind, “are you mad at him?” He genuinely didn’t know what to say, that wasn’t how he thought this conversation was going to go. Even when Hyunjin wasn’t here, somehow he still is. “Sorry if I’m overstepping, but you’re the most important people to me.”

People. Not person– people.

“I would hate for you to be fighting over–”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he interrupted. The taken aback look you had made him regret the somewhat rude tone instantly. Backtracking, Felix continued, “everything’s okay. Did– did he mention… something? About me?”

“No, I just know you both. It’s weird.”

“Maybe ask your boyfriend then.” Another thing he immediately regretted saying.

You looked defeated for a second, deflating glow dimming with every passing moment because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check over a simple question. “Sorry,” was all you said.

Felix felt worse upon realizing that you really did take his words to heart. Logically, he knew you never did anything on purpose in regards to toying with his feelings seeing as you couldn’t have known about anything of the sort because he never told you. When he thinks of it that way, Felix drowns in the guilt because you couldn’t look at him now. You wanted the best for him, so why couldn't he want the same for you? Is it because he knows he could be better? Because he knows he should be the one you kiss goodnight and parade on your arm for all your friends to see? How he knows your your favorite drink to have after a hearty meal, or that you purposely avoid stepping on the cracks on the sidewalk because of a silly superstition, or that you sprint into bed after turning off the light out of fear of the something lurking in the darkness and you think the blanket is an impenetrable shield that keeps you safe. Logically, he knew this was all theoretical and that Hyunjin was just as capable of providing everything that Felix claims he could.

“Forget about it,” he perks up instantly and erases the souring words from his head. With a pat to your head, Felix skips around the counter to give you a quick hug from behind and has you laughing away the discomfort in seconds. His heart beats a little quicker.

By the time the two of you make it to Changbin’s place, most of your friends are already relaxing around the firepit that your boyfriend is attempting to keep alive and fiery. It’s a funny sight, even to Felix who laughed along with everyone as Hyunjin thought that pouring hand sanitizer into the fire would make it burn brighter because it contained alcohol.

“It says it kills 99% of germs! If it’s strong enough to do that then wouldn’t it mean it’s flammable?” His reasoning made you giggle into his shoulder and kiss his cheek, which in turn had Felix trudging over to the table of drinks and pouring himself something on the stronger side.

He winced as he downed the icky concoction and didn’t hear the footsteps approaching his side. “Alright?” Hyunjin had nudged his shoulder and began pouring something into two cups, Felix assumed one was for you.

“Not strong enough,” he joked dryly. Hyunjin chuckled and poured into Felix’s cup as well. “Trying to get me drunk?”

The older glanced at Felix with an unreadable smirk, “not from alcohol, no.”

Felix didn’t know how to take his roommate’s ominous demeanor, side eyeing him, then you still sat with everyone else. Hyunjin glanced at the blonde and raised his cup that suggested Felix do the same, the pair silently toasted and each took a sip of the much too strong elixir. As Hyunjin watched his friend grimace at the taste, he snuck a look over at you as well, his eyes growing wide in adoration when you met his gaze and smiled. But then you tracked your attention towards Felix, too, and that same look didn’t falter, not that the younger seemed to notice. Hyunjin understood the appeal, he looked at your best friend the same way you did, mouthwatering and glowing alongside the brightness of the fire. Leaning down to his ear, Hyunjin said just above a whisper, “don’t think too hard, yeah?”

Confused and slightly too distracted by your stare he’d now caught, Felix didn’t entirely register your boyfriend’s words until he’d already strutted away and was taking his seat beside you.

The night felt like a blur in a sense that he couldn’t really tell what time it was nor remember how many drinks he had consumed, all Felix knew was that he wasn’t drunk enough to be able to stand watching you running your fingers through Hyunjin’s pretty black hair while he leaned his head against your shoulder. That should’ve been him. It should’ve been him, not Hyunjin. Was that just the alcohol talking? Who cares– fuck Hyunjin and his stupid smile, fuck his stupidly attractive hands wrapped around your waist, fuck his intoxicating cologne he could still smell from earlier, and most of all, fuck you for choosing Hyunjin instead of him.

“Lix, why do you keep staring at Y/N?” Seungmin, seated across the firepit, threw a crumpled newspaper at him, gaining the attention of the entire group.

“He’s drunk on patron and love, obviously.” Minho, ever the instigator.

“I wish I was drunk,” Felix, who spoke more to himself than anyone, could feel all eyes on him as he raised his cup to his lips again. He didn’t want to, in fact he resisted every muscle in his body until he physically couldn’t do it anymore to keep from looking at you, keep from looking at Hyunjin.

It hurt to see you concerned for him as there was nothing to be concerned about. He was used to this downward spiral and keeping it hidden so that you wouldn’t have to ever worry about him– he knew you’d be upset about the stress-induced forehead wrinkles afterwards. Felix did his best to keep his head down towards the fire, but saw from the corner of his eye Hyunjin whispering in your ear, eyebrows also furrowed. You nodded, tapped his knee and stood.

Oh god, you were headed straight for him. Why did you have that look on your face? The same one you made when you saw a hurt puppy on a TV show. Why did you tip the rest of your drink in the bush? Weren’t you here to have a good time? Oh no, oh, please don’t smile at him, his bruised heart can’t take it.

You did more than smile at him, you kneeled beside his lawn chair and gently reached for the solo cup in his hand. Felix let you take it from him and pour the contents into the grass, the warmth of your touch already making him feel entirely immobilized. You kept his hand in yours, softly interlacing your fingers as your eyes widened upon looking up at his face. “How do you feel? Wanna go home?” Thumb tracing across the back of his hand was mind numbing and much too domestic.

“W– with you?” You laughed and tucked his hair behind his ear.

“Mhm, and Hyunjin.”

“Like… all three of us?”

“Sure. You live together, don’t you?” His chest deflated a little, stealing his hand back and standing abruptly with a wobble. You immediately followed and placed your hands on him to steady, but Felix pushed you away and made you stumble back into his chair.

“What the hell, Lix?” You snapped a little and the distress in your tone caused Hyunjin to appear almost out of thin air to help you to your feet again.

“What’s going on?” The older boy kept an arm around your waist as his free hand tried to keep Felix upright, but the blonde pushed him away, too.

Perhaps he really did have a bit too much to drink, but if that was the case, why was he entirely coherent of the words wanting to come out of his mouth? “I don’t want your help– either of you.”

You rose again after a second to regain your composure and stood tall before him. Felix’s attempt at intimidating you didn’t seem to work, moreso you were thrown off by his outburst, but not backing down. “Let’s go home,” you held your hand out again and waited. The rest of your friends had dispersed around the house and the only ones left around the firepit were Minho, a girl, and Jisung, none of whom were paying attention to the three of you. Felix couldn’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed about taking your hand after literally shoving you away, not an ounce of pride left for him to cling to.

Hyunjin held your other hand and led you all out of the house, only shouting a few goodbyes to get halfhearted ones in return from your preoccupied mates. The blonde kept his head down most of the ride home in the backseat of Hyunjin’s car whilst doing his best to ignore your shared conversation that seemed unaffected by the events that took place minutes ago. Felix enjoyed listening to you talk, he also liked the sound of Hyunjin’s voice. Acting like he didn’t want to be involved in the small talk was getting somewhat draining and eventually forgot to be sulky. He giggled quietly to himself as Hyunjin cracked jokes to make you laugh. Then the car parked, Felix found himself smiling when you opened the door for him, holding his hand once more the entire journey back into their apartment with Hyunjin keeping a light hand on his back as he followed closely behind.

Felix felt his eyes closing slowly the longer your warmth suffocated his skin, wishing it was the alcohol that made him feel that way. He didn’t feel remotely drunk now, high on you and your stupidly attractive boyfriend making Felix feel like he was royalty. Hands shrugged his coat off for him, led him into his bedroom so he could fall back onto the bed, and Felix giggled louder as he took you down with him. Hyunjin watched the pair of you with a heartwarming smile before excusing himself to his own bedroom.

Laying next to him made you feel lightheaded, which was strange because it wasn’t unusual for the two of you to be staring at his ceiling this way. You didn’t see the way he was looking at you, eyes full of something hopeful, fear, and a little bit of guilt. As calmly as he could without his heart beating out of his chest, Felix whispered, “I’m sorry. I was a jerk… You’re too kind to me.”

“Yeah, well, I kinda love you.”

It fell from your lips before you could think about it, or even consider the way he was still looking at you. His mouth parted in disbelief no matter how many times you’ve said those four words to him, but there were so many things running through him and his mind tonight.

One thing in particular, he couldn’t stop thinking about; your lips. How pretty and plump they looked, glossy but not sticky, and how badly he wanted to kiss them. Felix wanted to smother you in kisses constantly, but right now he wanted a burning, sensual kiss that made his whole body tingle. It wasn’t the alcohol, instead purely his insatiable need to feel you.

Felix leaned in, so slowly that you wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t see Hyunjin return to the doorway and give you a slight nod with a smirk plastered across his face.

It was just a kiss, nothing more, nothing less, but Felix was so gentle and soft, only letting himself find a rhythm once he felt you kiss him back. Your lips molded together so good that it was impossible to get yourself to pull away even upon hearing Hyunjin step into the room. Your boyfriend chuckled quietly, “hey now,” his voice made Felix disconnect in an instant, rolling over to see the older boy falling to kneel by his bedside. “Don’t hog him for yourself.”

Felix’s head was spinning, looking between you and your dark haired boyfriend to make sure he was really experiencing this and it wasn’t a dream. He gave himself emotional whiplash paired with how quickly he sat up as Hyunjin came down beneath his eye level. You watched as your boyfriend glided his hand across the sheet to tenderly hold Felix’s. Hyunjin interlaced their fingers, “is this okay?”

Felix nodded shyly and his skin flushed a deeper red than it already had. You sat up as well, scooting closer to lightly press your chest to his back and rest your head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to choose, Lix. If you want us both, we’re yours.”

The blonde’s breathing became heavier as Hyunjin squeezed his hand and you placed a chaste kiss to his shoulder, backing away just a little. It was silent for a few moments as Felix processed what was happening. The effects of the alcohol were long worn off, he was running on adrenaline now and could feel his body being pumped full of it.

“Do you like when I hold your hand?” Hyunjin whispered, thumb caressing the top of the younger’s hand. Felix thought for a moment, focused solely on the feeling of Hyunjin’s skin and how much bigger the appendage was in comparison to his own. He more than liked it, but he also more than liked how it felt holding your hand.

He nodded again, just as timid. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s alright with you.”

“It hurts a little,” Felix blurted out. Hyunjin pulled away immediately and stared into the blonde’s eyes with concern. “No! Not physically– I mean– yes, physically. But… emotionally, too? It’s like…” He thought a little deeper to try and explain the tingling sensation he felt all over. Hyunjin peaked over Felix’s shoulder at you as you came in close behind him again. You nod at your boyfriend with a sympathetic smile as Felix relaxes a little under the heat of your body surrounding him.

“...Like when you strum a song on the guitar for too long, a– and you stop but you can still feel the vibrations in your fingers even if they’re numb. It’s a really shitty song, too, but you just can’t get the melody out of your head.”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened and quietly reached for Felix’s hand again, he winced upon the touch until he realized that his hands were shaking. Your boyfriend’s larger one cupped over the youngers’ and the shaking stopped. Eyes not leaving his face, Hyunjin picked up his hand as delicately as he would a withered flower and brought the pads of his fingers to his lips. Your heart swelled feeling Felix’s own heartbeat speed up. “I didn’t know choosing was an option,” Felix admitted.

“You thought we wouldn’t notice?” You joked and brushed your fingers through the back of his hair, to which he leaned into.

“I hoped as much.”

“That’s adorable,” Hyunjin snagged his attention again and flipped his hand to place another peck to his palm. Goosebumps erupted over Felix’s skin and shivered in your hold. “Just so you know what all your options are,” Hyunjin reached for the blonde’s cheek, snaking it back through his hair until his fingers found yours and interlocked them, dragging your shared touch down his neck to rest on his shoulder and pull Felix in to meet his lips half way.

His entire body on fire, suffocating in Hyunjin’s scent while being submerged in the feeling of you, Felix didn’t know what to do with himself other than kiss back. But same as his kiss with you, nothing more, nothing less. Hyunjin’s lower lip was plumper than the top and was more than a delight to mesh against, while yours matched the thickness of his own and were pillowy soft.

As Hyunjin drew away, Felix chased after him for more that resonated a giggle out of you and the raven haired. “Don’t think too hard about it,” you murmur and wrap your arms around him to embrace tightly, “you’ll hurt your pretty head.”

Hyunjin leans in and kisses Felix’s warm, rosy cheek, then moves over his shoulder to sweetly give you a small smooch before standing. He moved towards the door but stopped to hold out his hand for you. You jumped to your feet and took it as Hyunjin spoke again, “if you don’t feel like thinking at all, you know where we’ll be.” He smirks at the blonde cheekily, whisking you away with shared laughter.

Before you could head too far down the hall, you slip from Hyunjin’s grasp to skip back to Felix’s room where he was still sitting in his stunned position. You were a bit too excited, rushing to push his shoulders so he could fall onto his back and you tower over him, engulfing him once again in a somehow innocent yet electrically charged few fiery presses of your lips together. He kissed you back and found the courage to grip your waist just seconds before you pulled away, both of you breathless. You smiled down at him triumphantly, “before I was so rudely interrupted.”

Words physically wouldn’t come out of his mouth, Felix stammered beneath your teasing gaze. When you climbed off him was the first time he thinks he breathed since coming home. As you scampered away with a shit-eating smirk, you called out, “the door will be unlocked!”

-

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @kaitchan @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts

[atsadi-shenanigans]

What Shall We Become 15 - Sharing

The rogue makes a connection.

On AO3.

“Why in the sweet hells would I have a rock?” Astarion says.

The bag of sparkpowder makes sense. It’s hard to screw that up. But then she wants a stone, and while he pilfers nearly anything he can get his hands on (to sort through later, mind you) that doesn’t extend to rocks.

“I need to test my theory,” she hisses back at him.

The underground beastie lurks beneath the dirt. Its heart beats slow and strong, and he can’t help but wonder what it’s blood would taste like. It seems simple enough to him: light the bomb, throw it, and run in the opposite direction.

But his illustrious leader keeps mumbling something about “tremors rules” and it makes absolutely no sense to him, but when has that ever mattered.

“Throw one of your own trinkets,” he says. She’s even worse than him about grabbing whatever isn’t nailed down.

“That all got washed off.”

Ah. Right. That. The little, inconsequential thing he might have had a hand in.

Gods. Her and her theories. He knows she’s got at least one, phallus-shaped trinket she could sacrifice. But it’s too much fun to tease her about it, and honestly, it’d be a shame to lose such a quality item.

Of all the things in all the planes, this weirdo beside him took her phallus when she was kidnapped. It’s hysterical.

So he sighs and reaches into his pack. Rummages around until he finds something cool and smooth. One of his empty blood jars—they’re all empty at the moment. He hands it over.

And she leaves him holding it. In silence. Is she judging him? Because it feels like she’s judging him.

“Ahem,” he says and jiggles it.

“Huh,” she says. Articulately. And finally takes it from him. “You have gotta take better care of your stuff.”

The beastie shifts down there. He can imagine it eyeballing them.

“Really?” he says. “You’d like to discuss sanitation right now?”

“I’m just saying. Between this and that bed plank…”

“The one you’ve been sleeping on with no complaint so far? Having ousted me? You’ll have to forgive me, darling, for wondering what your point is.”

He’s…aware all the others sleep on bedrolls. He knows they exist, and that they’ve run into plenty more. He could have plucked one up for himself. But sleeping in comfort was for that bastard’s favorite. Or for when Astarion was put to work. He complains about the lack of a feather bed because it’s expected for the image he’s built for himself: the decadent hedonist. And in truth, he thinks it might very well be nice to rest in one fully clothed for a whole night.

But camping in the wilds with other monsters and an illithid parasite, with the lingering fear of being hunted. No. That’s a luxury he hasn’t been able to afford.

She’ll be wondering about that, however. Even if she never complained, he knows she must have questions. And…he…he almost wants to tell her? For some boggling reason. So he hedges, reveals only part of it. “I don’t like bedrolls. They’re, ah, too soft. The dormitory beds were little better than wood anyway, and those were a luxury compared to the kennel floors.”

“Kennels?” she says, with a strange tone.

“Oh yes. Whenever any of us earned punishment, Cazador sent us to the kennels for correction.”

She silent for a long, long time. During which her heartbeat spikes almost louder than he’s ever heard it. It’s a pathetic excuse, he knows. He shouldn’t have told her. It’s not worth her fragile, mortal back pain to tolerate his sleeping arrangement just because it sends his reverie to places he’d rather not go.

Then she says, “Your plan for that fuckface. Do they include ripping off his head to shit down the back of his neck.”

“…no?” he says. But it sounds incredibly delightful. And vulgar. Maybe once he’s pulled that bastard’s intestines out and draped them around his neck like a festive garland?

“Right. I, uh. Sorry. For snarking at you.”

Again with apologies. It does strange things to him. Things he can’t trust and doesn’t like.

“We,” he says. Trails off. Has to clear his throat for some reason. “You could, ah, lay a bedroll down for yourself. If you wanted.”

There. A compromise. Prevent her frail back from splintering to pieces since they’ll have to keep sharing until they find a bloody waypoint stone.

Then, very softly (and not just in volume, as they’ve been whispering the entire time) she says, “If you’re okay with that.”

And everything in him is unsettled, so he reaches into what he knows, splays a hand over his chest, and says, “Well, I was born for decadence, darling. We’ll just have to make do until then.”

He’s beginning to feel strangely…exposed on the inside. As if he sits in that blood-soaked clearing, in flickering torchlight, with an oozing hole in his chest large enough she can see straight into his lungs.

He needs to paper over that hole with his usual charm, in hope she’ll stop looking into him.

She hums. Then, in an atrocious mimicry of his accent, says, “As m’lord requests.”

He ought to bite her for that level of cheek. But they’re rather stranded and low on medical supplies, and if one of them stumbles and falls off, they’ll be eaten by some huge, armored monster.

So he lifts his eyebrows and drops his lids in the way that almost never fails to bring the first soft brushing of a blush to some tipsy tavern-hopper. “You know, my dear, I could grow very used to the sound of that.”

Without the accent, preferably.

But she continues to drive a wedge between herself and most of his marks (the successful ones, anyway) and instead of leaning in or sliding her fingers across his own, she only snorts and says, “Yeah yeah, y’big dork.”

Which doesn’t translate as anything, but the shape of that word sounds ridiculous and she’s certainly mocking him. Only, once again, her tone carries a smile, and not a trace of coldness or cruelty or disgust.

Something shifts below them. The beastie stirs. And it must be visible enough for his leader to catch, because her fingers start drumming on her thigh.

“What’s the plan, darling?” He’s close enough the warmth of her skin almost soaks into his cold cheek.

But she doesn’t shiver or shy. She’d focused on a murder, which means she notices little else, despite her earlier flinching away. He tilts his head to try and better hear what’s behind them. Someone needs to watch her back. Or listen, anyway.

“So,” she says. Pauses as she does, while her fingers slow to a rhythmic ta-tap-ta, ta-tap-ta. “So I’m thinking we chuck that blood jar as far as possible to the left.”

“We?”

“I’ll get to that. We throw it—”

“Why can’t you throw it, darling? On account of having functional eyes.”

She takes a breath in through her nose. Which she does when she’s annoyed and trying not to show it. He’s fairly certain she thinks she’s being subtle when she does it.

“Astarion. You’re an archer. Your biceps is bigger than mine.”

It’s not the time. He knows that. And yet…?

“You think I’m big?”

It’s hard to describe the sound she makes. It’s rather like an artificer automaton plowing into a shrub, all of it somehow emerging from low in her throat.

“Would you just—”

He’s already standing and slipping in front of her (finding the ledge with his booted toes). “Go on and aim me, then.”

In between all the mortal peril, he’s gotten somewhat used to her bare palm on his. She’d had no qualms about grabbing it an hour ago. But the monster hides below, and she’s back to plucking gingerly at his armor. He nearly says something about it, but in a rare burst of generosity (she’s been through a lot) he lets her turn him in the direction she means him to throw without making any kind of comment.

She hands him the emptied blood jar. “Think you can toss that a hundred feet out?”

He can do a lot better than that. And then another, even rarer flash of planning comes to him, and he finds himself saying, “And after that?”

“If it goes after that, you throw the grenade. Um. In the same spot?”

Even she seems to realize how challenging that’s going to be. Tossing a jar into the distance is nothing. But hitting the same spot again? Blinded? He can’t help it. “Bit of a long shot, darling, even for me.”

He’s certain she’s staring at him. Then she sighs. Doesn’t roll her eyes (well, she probably did) or call him an idiot or order one of his siblings to slap him.

Just says, “Mmm. I…might have an idea for that?”

And oh, does she sound ever so tentative.

“We can, y’know, share thoughts and all with the brainworms, huh? And I saw bits of where the others were that one time. So…?”

Oh dear. She’s actually suggesting what he thinks she is. She’s going to let him into her head.

It’s a double-edge blade, he knows. An opened door with an open invitation can let anyone or anything through. Both ways. And he’d felt her horror when he slipped into her mind that night. When she panics, she curls herself into a tight, impenetrable ball to their shared illithid connection. To say she’s wary would be one of Astarion’s greatest understatements, and he has many.

She’s suggesting she lower her defenses (and his). Maker herself (and him) weak.

“Are you certain?” he says. While he collects the weaknesses of others—it never hurts to have too many weapons in one’s arsenal—he’s aware of a certain…similarity (how disgusting) between them in that respect.

“I mean,” she says. “I got enough water for another day, maybe. What’re the odds of the others finding us within three days of that?”

So she’ll be letting him in, then.

There’s a joke, there. Inviting in a vampire and all. But her voice is tense enough he keeps his tongue behind his teeth and only says, “If you’re sure, darling.”

“This’s probably gonna be fast. Got no idea if it’ll even work. But I’m thinking we pull a Kevin Bacon on it—you chuck that jar, see if it goes after, and then light and toss that bomb right on top if it does. How long do them things burn?”

The wick is short. “Not long.”

“Mmm. So the second it swallows that shit, we book it for the crevasse.”

“And if it chases?”

“Run faster?”

“And if it catches up?”

A pause.

He swears.

“It wouldn’t cross to this mushroom we’re on and that was something I could hop. If we can reach that crack, I think we’ll be good.”

Astarion sighs. “Well, I suppose that’s better than sitting here and drinking from your corpse.”

Even though he could, technically, survive well until the others found him. Whether or not they’d put much effort into it—especially after he sits and watches their glorious leader die—is up for debate.

And…the thought of sitting in the dark silence again is wretched. Especially the thought of listening to his only companion’s heart race, weaken, and then stop.

Dead blood is disgusting.

(he doesn’t want to listen to her die)

Astarion rolls his shoulders. Flexes his fingers. Readjusts his grip on the bottle. Then, “Whenever you’re ready, dearest.”

She takes a few breaths, this time. Rustles quietly. Mutters so softly he only picks out bits of words. Then the brush of her mind against his own.

He leans into it.

It’s rather how he imagines swimming (having no actual memory of the deed). A sort of weightlessness and jostling about. Two people trapped in a very small pool trying not to slosh each other too much.

It’d be easier if they’d just grab each other (we are one, the tadpoles yearn; become Us, become Whole). But the both of them can only pluck at the others’ clothing in an attempt too steady themselves.

Until Astarion loses his patience and finally reaches for her.

Outrage. Fear. Teeth, teeth BITE IT.

Yet his leader manages to reign in her more feral instincts. Begrudgingly lets him ease into her until their outlines blur—

Astarion blinks. It takes a moment to make sense of anything. A new body, a new sense.

He’s…seeing, in a fashion. Shapes and colors. Blue and black. So much black. They’re shadows, he realizes. The dark of the Underdark.

He blinks again, only it’s her blinking and turns his head—

Their bodies revolt. Not one, but two and that’s wrong, it’s not how it’s meant to be, they are a Whole. The moving throws off that synchronicity.

“Jesus fuck!” they say and their stomachs give a queasy flop.

But they need to see around them, so they try again, and they’re angry about it; so, so scared about it. But they got to. It’s a necessity. There’s a birdshark (a what?) waiting to bight off their feet and leave ragged, spurting stumps at the ankle.

“You are a morbid thing.”

“Fuck off.”

More gloom. Details lost. A darker slash to the right (think it’s a crevasse; lord jesus please be a crevasse).

“Darling, your eyesight is shit.”

“Just fucking throw it!”

To the left, then. A dark gap between two, soaring mushroom stalks. They’re rather beautiful, like this. Shining softly in the dark.

They lift an arm, the glass cool in their grip (it’s crusty inside?) (of course, that’s what blood does, darling). It still smells faintly of said blood (that clawing, biting hunger that never goes away) (a spike of something disgustingly soft and they both shove that down in mortification).

Take aim. Feel their own doubleness. Test their arm a few times. The disorientation settles faster each time as they adjust. Cock their arm.

Throw.

The bottle goes spinning off. They already hold the grenade in one of their hands, which they pass to themselves. Eyes move when the other commands to look down. The gap between the mushrooms and the boulder. Track down to the ground below. Along the route they’ll need to run—

Movement.

A surge in the dirt. That low thrumming noise—

“Holy fuck you hear everything—”

Of course they do. Poor, deaf thing she is.

The birdshark surges towards the clank of the jar. Fuse. How short? When?

They gauge the distance. Peer with eyes that fail far too quickly. They have to blink several times. Look around the churning dirt because their sight is atrocious.

“I got perfect twenty-twenty vision you ass.”

Now. Now.

“Ignis!”

The wondrous magic leaps to them. A cat after a string of yarn. An opened valve. Rushes to them and fills them and surges along their arm to ignite a ball of flame in their palm and it really is magic, fuck me.

They light the fuse. The birdshark closes in on the decoy.

“Throw it!”

So they do.

And then there’s no time to untangle themselves because they need to run and they didn’t think this part through, didn’t know they’d be so enmeshed (it’s terrifying) (it’s glorious) (oh god).

They have to run.

Their feet move. All of them. Two pairs and two bodies of a whole running, sprinting, stumbling. They reach out to steady themselves, the cavern rumbling as the birdshark plows on.

As the birdshark stops. It’s tremors rules. It’s gotta hear their pounding footsteps oh sweet hells fuck.

The bomb goes off.

Slaps them stupid. One of them falls, hands cradling ears that hurt and hurt. Claws at them, even. Have to get up, have to go, go!

Scrambling and kicking. The birdshark is quiet. They must have blown it to pieces! It never works in the movies, fucking run.

What’s a movie…? Oh. A wonder. They want more, want to delve in and view the memory of them all—

Get your fucking ass up and moving!

They close the distance to the crevasse. But they’re already flagging. A body unused to this: impact lancing up shins, air clawing at their throat and a cramp stabbing them in the side and they can’t, they can’t go any more. You have to, darling. Up! Get up!

Then. Oh then.

A hissing and rumbling anew. Not towards their distraction, but towards them. It’s failed (told you!) The bomb failed (fucking horror movie rules you fucker) and now it’s coming for them and it’s real fucking pissed.

That puts a pep right back into their step. They’re closing. Even as their body screams. As their feet drag and their lungs burn and they force themselves on. They run. They run for their lives.

Closer. Closer.

They can feel the birdshark now. The ground shivers right on their heels. Right beneath their feet. It’s going to come up right between their legs and chomp off their bullocks—

The ground ends. Drops off in a sheer cut.

They leap.

One lands badly. Feet slide out and their battered and abused left knee twists and pops and gives out. They barely manage to catch themselves on bare palms that rip open on hard stone.

The other doesn’t land. They hit. Fold over a ledge of stone that knocks the air out of them and knocks their thoughts with it. They hit so hard they become two for a moment. His leader scrabbling for a handhold as her feet kick in the terrifying nothingness of the crevasse.

She’s going to fall. Be swept away because he cut that rope and let her.

Shock. Horror. She can still hear him. She can see that memory, the knife sawing through that straining rope and the way he knew it was damning her and he did it without a thought. They stare at each other through her eyes.

Something flashes orange to his left. Some fungus. It throbs once. Twice. Swells up shockingly fast. Oh. That’s probably bad.

“Ast—” she starts and their fear is a shared thing, a rampaging beast thrashing in both their minds.

The mushroom explodes.

He sees it. The flash. And barely registers that before the blast swats him. His leader yelps and her legs flail. She’s going to slip, going to fall and it’ll smash her leg bones up through her pelvis and shish kabob (what?) right through her bowels and into her liver.

But it’s him who feels the ground fall away. Who tumbles, is blasted right off their little ledge.

He falls.

And he falls.

And he falls.

Everything in him goes rather numb. Goes still and silent. But something else rages up inside him and it takes him the span of a thought to realize it’s her, his illustrious leader: her panic. Her terror.

Not because he’s leaving her to die again (as she feared he’d do, oh, he’s really failed hasn’t he). It’s not for her. She’s horrified…for him. His safety. His unshattered (for the next few moments) body.

She’s afraid for him. Despairing, because she cannot reach him, cannot stop this, can only watch him fall.

“Astarion!” she screams.

It’s honest. It’s genuine. No guile or secondary motivation. She reaches out through her tadpole as if to hold him, shield him somehow simply because…because she wants him to not be—

He hits.

[banamine-bananime]

one thing that always perplexes me is how often i see takes on tucker where the work positions him as a great dad*, fluent in sangheili language and culture, and most of all, a great diplomat.

i'm not here to yuck anyone's yum and i, too, am absolutely transfixed and enraptured by this man's oscillation between "my one purpose in life is to constantly test the human limits of Annoyingness" and "sudden, shocking extreme competence with no warning" like a little Newton's cradle. like, i just spent 7000 words indulging myself in thinking about a version of tucker that listens a lot more to the "do whatever you gotta to protect the people you love and do what you think is right regardless of what people think" cartoon angel on his shoulder and less to the "that sounds hard i just wanna mouth off, jerk off, fuck off, and negg church" devil. i cannot throw stones and clearly i think that's a fun and valid interpretation of how his character could evolve. but evolve is the keyword there and it baffles me when this gets treated as the fact of how he immediately snapped into being as soon as he had junior, you know?

like. obviously tucker ended up doing some massively impressive shit as an ambassador in sandtrap. but that's because he wasn't being an ambassador, he was being The Final Girl in il/ct's slasher flick. getting trapped in a beseiged temple is, traghilariously, the best thing that could have happened for him in terms of being good at that job. if tucker were a pathfinder character he would have 18s in "dealing with your life suddenly being taken over by ancient alien religion bullshit", "surviving crazy shit through sheer spite and the adrenaline rush of pissing off whatever asshole has made it their life's mission to kill you this time", and "being the only person who knows what fucked up shit is going on while the rest of the bgc ignore you". he would have a 2 in "saying things that make people want to kill you LESS". de-escalation is not in this man's skillset. he cannot even handle being normal about human women. appreciating the intricacies of sangheili culture and politics, human culture and politics, and sangheili-human relations?

Tucker: People learn English all the time, it aren't that hard.

Church: Maybe you should try learning his language.

Tucker: Fuck that, we got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language.

Church: Tucker there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth.

Tucker: Hyeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101, remedial kick-ass.

i know this is pre-junior and doubtlessly, he is more interested in this stuff after junior (because junior's life does depend on sangheili politics and human-alien relations) and MUST be less dense about it after HAVING to do it as a job. like by osmosis at the very least something must have permeated his brain. but the gap between this^ and "knowledgeable enough to be an asset in this career, one people need at least one relevant degree for" is, uh, bigger than a few months between leaving blood gulch and being sent out to the field

sometimes i think about what a fucking trip it would be to be on the UNSC diplomatic team with tucker LMAO can you imagine how unpopular he must have been. a bunch of polisci and IR nerds like fists clenched shaking like leaves trying to restrain the urge to give this guy a swirlie because he cannot stop sounding like a fucking family guy episode while you're trying to, like, convince the warrior queen of some isolated Sangheili heretical sect to ally with the Swords of Sangheilios and the species they've been dead set on annihlating for decades. and also you know he's only an ambassador as like the weirdest most fucked up variation of a nepo baby. nepo forced interspecies religious incubator. the token chestburster virgin mary hire. the simultaneous Hatred for this guy making your job hell, the impotent rage of knowing that it is, actually, important that he be there for Symbolic reasons, and feeling sympathetic to him. you know part of why he's Like This is literally just because he's 20 and should be at the club but has had the year from hell and didn't ask for this. it's easy to forget that because he doesn't complain about any of the actually bad things that happened and just rolls with whatever crazy shit comes his way. complaining is reserved for being an annoying little bitch about petty shit.

ANYWAYS i'm not saying stop having fun with very competent versions of tucker. we're all just here to have fun. i just like what a weird combo of competent and disaster he is, as i interpret him, and i, personally, am incapable of interpreting him as being actually very good at his job as ambassador

*the only two options are not "bad dad" and "great dad". having an alien parasite non-consensually implanted in you by a manipulative fraudster to force his own involvement in a prophecy - oh and also their species is trying to exterminate yours - and going, "well, this baby didn't choose this, they're just a baby, and you know what? my baby. i love this baby unreservedly and unconditionally, fuck you." shows a capacity for love and forgiveness that's frankly fucking insane, both in the good-impressive way and the what-is-going-on-in-your-brain-and-how-did-this-kind-of-decision-making-not-get-you-killed-yet way. and tucker very clearly loves junior a lot and does his best - which, i want to reiterate, is absolutely wild considering the circumstances - but he wasn't ready for a kid, is bad at accepting responsibility especially for others, and the way that Things Never Stop Happening in his life mean he is really not very present. and it's not JUST because of things happening outside of his control - there were periods after season 8 and after season 13 he probably could have permanently reunited with junior and didn't.

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 11:

‘Cause it’s all over, it’s not meant to be…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

"I’ll be back at the end of January, you’ll have almost 6 weeks! And I want you to keep everything in mind. Do your exercises, mediation, eat the right stuff. And really eat it, I want that blood test regularly. But above all, speak to your family, to Charles. Tell them the truth, Liz. Maybe not everything. But at least some parts. Okay?" JK said and I nodded.

"I will, I promise! And thank you, really JK! Without you I never would’ve made it this far!" I said and hugged him "Enjoy your time at home! Have a safe trip! And send some pictures!"

"I will Liz! Go now, I don’t want you to catch a cold! Oh and don’t forget to schedule your appointments with Christian!" he ushered me inside and with one last smile I walked through the door and quietly closed it behind me. It was quiet in the house. Given the early time, no wonder. I took my shoes off and rolled my suitcase to the side. I inhaled deeply, it smelled like pine wood, cinnamon, orange and ginger bread. The typical smell of Christmas at home. The house was beautifully decorated, Mum went all out, probably because the Leclercs were coming as well. I walked upstairs into my room. I missed it. They kept everything the way it was when I was leaving. Just that Mum changed the bedding. I opened my closet, grabbed one of Charles' oversized hoodies and a pair of leggins and made my way into the bathroom, trying to make as little sound as possible. I quickly washed myself a little and changed into my fresh clothes. Back in my room I decided to lay down for a bit, it was only 5:30 in the morning, until everyone was awake it would take a while. Just as I snuggled into the bed, I heard a car outside, it sounded like whoever it was, was driving really slow down the street, as to not wake anyone up, but I knew the sound of that engine all to well and as the car stopped seemingly in front of our house, I was sure. Charles.

I sat up and looked out of my window and there he was, parking in our driveway, engine off, lights out and head leaned back into the headrest. But it didn’t look like he would get out. I waited for another 5 minutes but Charles didn’t move. Was he going to sleep in the car? I quietly walked down the stairs, put on some boots, unlocked the front door and walked out into the cold. Straight to Charles' car, he didn’t see me coming, eyes closed, so I gently knocked on his window and he jumped up. I smirked at him and he unlocked the car, but before he could get out, I walked around the car and got into the passenger seat. Silence. Charles looked at me. I looked ahead.

"Ma belle, I am so sorry! Please, believe me when I say that it wasn’t easy at all, reading your messages and not answering them immediately! Please, please, please believe me! My heart almost broke every time I received a new text! JK said it’s the best for you and I would’ve done everything to help you! Please believe me!" he said and I slowly turned to him, his eyes glassy, he hesitated as he reached for my hand but I didn’t pull it away and he gently grabbed it "I’m so sorry!" his voice was hoarse and he looked at me, pleading.

"But why didn’t you text me after I told you that I knew about it? After I told you that you hurt me?" I whispered, looking at my hand in his.

"What? No… no! I did! Immediately as I got the message I answered you! Told you how hard it was to ignore you! That it broke my heart and that I’m so incredibly sorry! I sent it right before we took off!" he said hastily and I looked up at him "As soon as I was able to switch on my phone again in Bahrain, I checked it for an answer from you, but there was nothing… so I thought you were ghosting me now, not that I didn’t deserve it… but still. I thought it was your decision to answer me again whenever you feel ready!"

"I didn’t receive it…" I said and Charles looked at me confused. "I sent you the text and waited for an explanation, but you didn’t reply… I thought that it was maybe because of…" I began but Charles was frantically looking through his phone as he paled visibly, he looked up at me "What?"

"The message… it’s not sent… it didn’t get through…" he whispered and looked at me guilty "I am so sorry, ma belle! I’m just so, so sorry!" he shook his head and looked down in his lap. I sighed and leaned back, putting the seatbelt on "What are you doing?"

"You know Dad’s rules! When you come back home early in the morning on a Sunday…" I began and Charles chuckled.

"… make sure to stop at a bakery for fresh bread rolls and pretzels!" he finished the sentence and put his seatbelt on as well "But it’s not even 6? You think they’re open already?"

"Most of them open at 6, we should be good. Now come on, I’ll guide you!" I said and he started the engine "Oh damn, we should’ve taken my car!"

"I’m not driving in your Mini! Nope, way too small!" he complained and backed out of the driveway.

"Oh come on! You love him!" I chuckled and Charles sighed.

"I never understood why you and Seb had to give your cars names! They’re cars!" he mumbled as I signaled him to make a left turn.

"You asked Arthur if he hurt your girl, when he nudged me and I bumped into your car only a little!" I laughed and Charles blushed a little "Turn left here. Alright look, they're just opening up!"

20 minutes later we walked quietly into the open kitchen and were greeted with a huge Christmas tree, beautifully decorated.

"Wow, Mum really went all out!" I whispered and Charles smiled "Come on, let’s set the table and prepare as much as possible, then head to bed for a little sleep."

"Aye, aye, Captain!" he saluted mockingly and I rolled my eyes. We set the table, put the paper bags with the fresh baked goods into a basket. And quietly walked up into my room, at the door Charles stopped.

"What?" I asked him and he shrugged a little.

"You didn’t want to share a bed with me for months… I can sleep in the guest room?" he answered a little shyly. I grabbed his hand and pulled him through my door and closed it behind us.

"Your mum will get the guest room, Enzo and Arthur will get the office and you are stuck with me. But yeah, you’re right… it’s still not okay… so umm, take the sofa? Maybe?" I said and nodded to the sofa in the corner.

"Yeah, that’ll do…" he answered and I opened my closet and took out a linen sheet, a pillow and a blanket, then I spread the sheet over the sofa and placed the pillow and blanket on it.

"Alright, I still have some clothes from you here…" I nodded to the side of the closet with some of his clothes and he nodded, then picked out a gray t-shirt and black sweatpants.

"I’ll get my suitcase later. And I’ll carry yours upstairs as well…" he said and turned around and changed. No matter how many times I saw Charles’ naked back, it always made me hot. His thick neck, wide shoulders, strong back muscles and slim waist. As he turned around I blushed a little and cleared my throat.

"That would be amazing, thank you Charles!" I mumbled and climbed into my bed "Now come on! I’d say until everyone is awake, we have at least 2 or 3 hours of sleep we could get." I snuggled into my pillows and blankets and Charles did the same. After a while I chuckled.

"What?" Charles mumbled and I saw his head slightly turn into my direction.

"Why are you here so early and did you seriously plan on sleeping in the car?" I asked.

"I left Maranello kinda in a rush and well… yeah it was too early to ring the doorbell!" he chuckled, although he sounded nervous somehow.

"Oh Charlie bear, have you forgotten that you don’t need a key for the door? Only your finger print!" I laughed and Charles sighed.

"Oh damn… yeah I kinda forgot about that!" he laughed as well "But yeah, it would be kinda weird just getting in here when everyone’s asleep and I don’t know…"

"You know that that wouldn’t be a problem!" I yawned and closed my eyes.

"Yeah maybe, now sleep! You’re tired…" he whispered and before I could say anything I was fast asleep.

I woke up from Charles' phone constantly buzzing, a minute later he began to stir.

"Who would call this early on a Sunday morning?" he groaned and took his phone "What?" he answered it harshly "Oh, hi, umm yeah I arrived. You what? No, no that’s not okay! No! Camille? I told you… no! There is no space! I told you I’d be in Monaco on the 30th and then… no… ugh Camille, please it’s way too early for this now! I will call you later! Cancel that flight. I’m not discussing this with you. If you board the flight, good luck finding a way back home, I’m not picking you up… you don’t know where Lizzie lives. I’m done with this. I will call you later. No. No. Good… bye." he sounded mad and his French was almost too fast for me to understand. I looked at him and waited for him to talk, but he just pulled the blanket over his head and groaned loudly.

"You know, you could’ve just invited her? I would’ve slept at Sissy’s pull out sofa and you and Camille could’ve had my room? Mum and Dad would surely be okay…" I began but Charles pulled the blanket away.

"Absolutely not! This is Christmas! Our Christmas! And she… she’s not a part of the family! And we wanted to have a family Christmas! I didn’t invite her for a reason!" Charles looked at me and I just nodded "I want to spend time with you and not her… I haven’t seen you for more than a month…"

"Okay, Charlie bear… come on. I think the others are awake!" I nodded and got up, internally thanking him for not inviting her.

As we walked down the stairs I could hear my parents, Sissy and Liam wondering who set up the table.

"That would be us…" I said, walking through the door and they all flinched.

"Lizziiiiieeeee!" Liam shrieked and jumped off the chair and ran straight up to me, but he abruptly stopped in front of me "Hug?" he almost whispered and I bent down, hoisting him up in my arms and he giggled as he buried his face in the crook of my neck "I missed you sooooo much!" he whispered and I kissed his cheek.

"I missed you too!" I said.

"I missed you three!" Charles behind me said and Liam looked up.

"Charlie!!!" he almost jumped out of my arms, straight into Charles, who happily hugged him tight "I missed you too, Charlie!"

"When did you guys arrive?" Dad asked and hugged me. "It’s so good to see you, this healthy and strong little owl!" he whispered and then he kissed my temple.

"I don’t know? Around 4, half past 4 JK dropped me off and not even an hour later Charles arrived!" I answered and hugged Mum, who had tears in her eyes.

"Oh my beautiful girl. Look at you!" she sobbed and I laughed.

"Why are you crying? I’m good! More than good!" I laughed and she just shook her head and kissed my cheek.

"The last time we saw you, you couldn’t walk without crutches, you idiot!" Sissy laughed and hugged me. I rolled my eyes and looked at Charles, who still held Liam in his arms, hugging Mum and Dad, then Sissy.

"We thought you were coming with the rest this afternoon." Dad said to Charles.

"Yeah well, I decided to drive straight here from Maranello instead of home and then flying." Charles shrugged his shoulders and Dad nodded.

"At least you followed the rules." Sissy laughed and pointed at the paper bags from the bakery.

"We knew, we’d be in trouble if not." Charles laughed and tickled Liam a little "What’s going on, Bubba? You turned into a little monkey?"

"He, umm he’s a little sad…" Sissy whispered and I looked at her "So his nursery school had this Christmas party yesterday, but Liam wasn’t allowed to go… he had some trouble with some of the other kids…"

"What did they do?" Charles and I said at the same time and Mum and Dad chuckled, as they grabbed the rest of the food from the fridge.

"He wanted to play with one of the boys, he seemed to like him, they played and all was fine but then the boy wanted them to play with some other kids as well… and yeah he didn’t get along with them and it got a little heated." Sissy explained and Liam only hugged Charles tighter.

"They were mean and I didn’t like them and when the older boy didn’t stop saying mean things to me, I pushed him. He fell and hit his arm and then he cried." Liam whispered.

"What did he say to you?" I asked him but he just shook his head "How much older is he?"

"I’m in the mice group, he’s in the bear group…" he answered and Charles' nose scrunched up adorably.

"What does that mean?" he asked, confused .

"Kids in the mice group are the youngest, 1.5-3 years old, cheetahs are between 3 and 4.5 and bears are around 4.5 to 6 years old." Sissy explained and Charles nodded.

"So one of the older kids picks on him, he defends himself and then he’s not allowed to go to the Christmas party?" I summarised and Liam nodded "That’s unfair!"

"It is what it is…" Sissy said and we sat down, Liam not moving away from Charles.

"I’d say we throw our own bigger and even better Christmas party then!" I said and Charles tickled Liam and he giggled.

"How does that sound, little monkey?" Charles asked and Liam nodded "Then it’s settled."

"That is Chase! He’s the leader of the pups! No Ryder is the leader but Chase also! Because he’s the police dog! And that is Marshall, he’s the firefighter dog! He’s also cool but Chase is my favourite! Oh and that is Rubble, Skye oh oh and Rocky!" Liam was full of enthusiasm when he explained to Charles the different characters in his new favourite show, Paw Patrol, a Christmas edition playing on the tv. Both boys on the sofa, Liam sitting in Charles lap and both cuddled up under a blanket. I was watching them when I helped Mum and Sissy prepare some snacks for the evening, when Pascale, Lorenzo and Arthur arrived.

"He really missed you, both of you… he was talking all the time about you! And how many times did I find him hiding in your room!" my sister told me and I smiled, I missed him as well. Although I loved both of my nephews equally, Liam living here with us since he was born, seeing him almost daily, brought us so much closer than me and Benji, who I only saw every other week, due to the fact that Marcus lived in Munich. And not seeing Liam for more than 3 months was really hard and I was more than happy to be back again.

"I missed him as well, that’s why I plan on spending as much time as possible with him."

"Then go ahead and start now with it. We’re done here and I have to wrap up the last gifts!" Mum said and washed her hands, Sissy nodded and did the same.

"Alright, then I’d say I watch Paw Patrol as well!" I dried my hands off at the towel Mum handed me and walked over to the boys.

"Is there some space left for me?" I asked and Charles held up his arm and I sat next to him, snuggling into his side as Liam stretched his hand out for me to take "So Charles? Who is your favourite?"

Liam looked up at him, awaiting his answer.

"I have to say Chase! He’s a police dog! He has a gun that shoots tennis balls and a net! He is pretty cool!" he answered and Liam nodded enthusiastically "And who is your favourite character?"

"Easy! Ryder, he’s cute!" I laughed and Liam made a disgusted face.

"Eww… he’s only 10!" Charles whispered and I laughed.

"He’s not cute! He’s a fearless leader!" Liam wasn’t happy with my answer "You have to pick a dog!"

"Okay, okay! Who is that? The Husky?" I asked.

"That’s Everest!" Liam explained.

"She’s my favourite because I love Huskies!" I answered and Liam nodded.

"Good choice!" he said and Charles chuckled.

"Very good choice, ma belle!" he said and I just smiled and watched the Paw Patrol save Christmas.

I saw Charles checking his phone, for the tenth time in the last couple of minutes, he tensed up a little and sighed. It seemed like Camille didn’t stop asking him to invite her over. I was about to say something as he gently nudged Liam and sat him down next to him.

"Lizzie, we need to talk… umm alone?" he almost whispered and I looked at him curiously.

"Sure? Everything alright?" I asked and got up, walking to the stairs, but he didn’t answer, he just followed me upstairs.

In my room I sat down on my bed as he was pacing back and forth in front of me.

"Charles? What’s going on?" I asked him and he stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He sat down next to me, taking my hand in his.

"I left Maranello last night in a rush, because I found something out… I was mad, no, furious, but I couldn’t do anything about it…" he began as I got the notification that I received a new email on my phone and he sighed "That email… it’s from Massimo and Mattia… it’s about your involvement in the FDA… they umm… they-"

"They kicked me out." I finished his sentence and he looked up at me.

"How did you know?" his voice was almost a whisper.

"In the first weeks after the accident, they regularly checked in on me. But it got less and less and now they haven’t checked in on me for more than a month… so yeah, I just figured they would kick me out." I answered and looked down.

"I’m so sorry, ma belle! I told them that it’s a mistake and totally unfair but they wouldn’t listen to me…" he said and pulled me in a tight embrace.

"It’s not your fault, Charlie. It’s okay. I will get along without them." I whispered and he nodded.

"And I will help you as much as I can! They will regret kicking you out!" he said and I chuckled.

"Thank you, for telling me, and not finding out through an email!" I said.

"They will post a statement as well…" he groaned and I sighed.

"Didn’t expect anything less from them."

The real party began when the rest of the Leclercs arrived in the evening. After the shock of me being sacked by the FDA, some harsh words from Dad, Lorenzo and Arthur against the FDA and Ferrari and some comforting words from Mum and Pascale we finally all sat together for a long time, playing board games, telling old and new stories, laughing and even singing together. I looked at Charles to see that he was typing away on his phone, looking annoyed.

"What’s going on, Charlie?" I asked him quietly and he sighed.

"Just some people asking me about the FDA thing." he said and put his phone back into his pocket.

"Stop thinking about it, it’s okay!" I reassured him and squeezed his arm. It was not okay, I really thought I could count on their support, but I was clearly wrong. It hurt that they seemed to lost faith in me, but it only motivates me more to show them that they made a huge mistake.

"Come on, Liam, time for bed!" Sissy got up but Liam protested.

"No! I wanna stay up longer! Pleaaaseee Mami!" he whined but she shook her head.

"Little man, you’re already way past your bedtime! Up we go!" she said, mastering her mum voice.

"That is so unfair! What a shit!" he cursed and I almost choked on my tea.

"Liam!" Sissy exclaimed shocked and I had to do my best to not burst into laughter, looking around the table I wasn’t the only one, Dad drinking hastily from his beer, Lorenzo doing the same with his wine, Arthur fake yawning covering his mouth with his hand, Charles just tried really hard to look as normal as possible.

"What? It’s a shit!" Liam said again and got up, I let out a mix between laughter, coughing and clearing my throat.

"Stop saying that!" Sissy reprimanded him but he just rolled his eyes and I lost it, bursting out laughing "You’re the worst!" Sissy looked at me disapprovingly. But as Dad and Arthur broke as well she just sighed "Great. Just great." she shook her head "Say good night to the traitors!"

"Hey! I didn’t do anything!" Charles next to me said, voice so thin from holding his breath so long, Sissy just glared at him before she chuckled herself a little. Liam made it around the table, hugging all of us good night.

"Good night, Bubba. Tomorrow I’ll teach you to say it in Italian and French, so Mami can’t reprimand you again!" I chuckled and kissed his cheek and he giggled.

"I’d say I can help you with that, your Italian isn’t the best!" Charles whispered and Liam hugged him even tighter "Good Night my little monkey!" with a last kiss on his forehead he walked off, taking his mothers outstretched hand.

The next few days we all spent together, playing more board games, cooking together, having a snowball fight as it finally began to snow heavily. It was the day before Christmas Eve, Dad, Lorenzo, Arthur and Liam playing in the garden, competing who made the better snowman. Mum, Pascale and Sissy were out for a last trip of grocery shopping for the next few days and Charles and I stood in the kitchen, baking batch after batch of plain cookies, for us all to decorate later.

"Oh come on! It’s going to be fun! Joris is there, Riccardo and Marta, Antonio is coming as well! A bunch of other people that you know!" Charles said as I rolled out the dough.

"I don’t know Charles… I’m back after such a long time, I don’t want to leave again this fast!" I said and he used the different cookie cutters.

"It’s just for 6 days and then we’re flying anyway to Thailand! So come on! Please! Not celebrating the new year with you last time felt so wrong!" he said and I scoffed.

"Yeah?" I said and he looked at me with big eyes.

"Yeah! It did! So please! Please! We’re leaving on the 30th and on the 4th we’re already off!" he took my hands in his, smiling at me.

"I’m just… I’m just afraid I am ruining it, if I get sick because of the boat bla bla you know I’m getting dizzy and lightheaded real fast since… so yeah. I don’t know…" I sighed.

"There’s a cabin, just for you, if you feel dizzy or anything just tell me and we go there for you to calm down! I promise!" he almost pleaded and I swallowed hard before I nodded "Is that a yes?"

"Yes! It’s a yes…" I mumbled and he hugged me!

"Thank you so much, ma belle!" he whispered.

"But Charlie, you seriously need to stop calling me that… don’t look at me like that! In front of Camille at least! It probably hurts her, so please stop…" I’ve seen the way she looked at me, sending me death glares, whenever he used it in front of her. I don’t need that on a boat, in the middle of the ocean.

"Ugh, fine! I’ll try my best!" he said and I nodded thankfully, one reason less for her to be nasty to me, hopefully she will be busy with her friends and will ignore me. Being on a boat with her made me more than anxious. I was deep in my thoughts as the timer reminded us of the current tray full of cookies in the oven. I walked over and looked at them, then opened the door deciding they’re done and grabbing the tray without thinking.

"Lizzie! Oven mitts!" Charles shouted, but before I could register it I already touched the tray and hissed in pain.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed and flinched. Fingertips of my index and middle finger burning like crazy, throbbing pain erupting. Charles was next to me in an instant, grabbed the tray with oven mitts and put it next to the oven on the counter, then closed the oven and turned back around to me. He gently pulled me to the sink, holding my burned fingers under the cold water stream. I let out a small whimper when the stream hit my fingers and held my breath.

"Breathing, ma belle." Charles whispered and I nodded. He walked over to the fridge and rummaged around in it, then opened the cabinet next to it and pulled out a box putting his collectibles on the countertop of the kitchen island.

"Alright, let me see." he stepped next to me and looked at my fingertips, both sporting an angry red burn mark. He switched the water off and gently patted my fingertips dry with a towel, he nudged my shoulder and I followed him to the kitchen island, where he pushed me gently against it and then grabbed my thighs and lifted me up to sit on it. He proceeded to pad dry my fingers until they were completely dry and then unscrewed the top of the burn ointment tube, gently applied a generous amount of the cooling and soothing gel on my fingers. I took a deep breath at the immediate pain relief, some stray tears were escaping my eyes. Charles searched through the box, looking for some band aids, after he found the needed sizes he took my hand in his, carefully bandaging the burnt fingers. As he was done, he looked up at me and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"Does it feel better?" he asked quietly and I nodded.

"Yeah, thank you, Charlie!" I sniffled and he helped me down the counter, pulling me into him, he kissed my temple.

"Always, Lizzie, always!" he whispered against my head and we stood like this for a while, breathing each other in, as we heard the screen door opening, we jumped a little, bringing some space between us. I turned away from Charles, feeling my cheeks blush.

We later all sat around the table decorating our cookies with icing, different sprinkles and other toppings. Due to my bandaged fingers I couldn’t do the icing how I wanted it too, but just sitting here, surrounded by my family, laughing and joking, decorating cookies, brought me so much joy. To think how only 3 months ago I thought I’d probably never be happy again. Unbelievable.

The next day, we decided to make a trip to the old karting track, visiting Hans who was excited to see us again. The boys all geared up for some laps and Liam wanted to join in.

"You’re a little too young to drive alone, but you can ride a few laps with me!" Charles said and he was overly excited.

Dad and I stood at the side, watching the boys have fun, breezing past us, but driving very carefully due to Liam who was sitting between Charles legs. He steered the kart at some slow corners, Charles teaching him exactly when and how to turn.

"You’ll be driving one in no time, you’ll see!" Dad whispered next to me as he pulled me into his side, after seeing my eyes well up a little. I only nodded, throat too tight to speak. I didn’t expect coming here would be so emotional, but it was.

"I really hope so, Dad!" I mumbled and he only chuckled.

"Lizzie, you can walk almost perfectly again, you even could carry Liam around. Give it some more time and you’ll be back!" he said confidently and I nodded.

"You’re right. I’ll be back!" I said determined and cheered as Charles and Liam crossed the finish line first.

Back home we all prepared for dinner and in typical German tradition we were exchanging presents shortly after. As we were unpacking them, a lot of hugs and kisses and laughter and thank yous were exchanged. Later we all sat cuddled up on the sofa, watching Home Alone with a cup of hot chocolate and some of our cookies. The perfect Christmas.

As the 30th came closer and closer my anxiety of meeting Camille again began to get bigger with each minute, as it felt and I was thinking about chicken out. But I knew that Charles wouldn’t believe me when I would say that being on a yacht was my biggest concern. He would want to know the real reason and I told myself I’ll talk to him after our holiday. First I wanted to spend some good quality time with him, before I had to break to him that his girlfriend was one of the main reasons for my crippling anxiety. I just had to get over one evening with her. On a boat. I could surely avoid her, right? I could do that.

"What am I wearing on a yacht on New Year's Eve, Shima?" I asked her as I was packing and needed help with my outfit.

"What do you got?" she asked and I walked over to my closet "And do you have a dress code?"

"Charles said not to over the top… that helps totally… not! So I asked what he’s wearing and he said Jeans and button down shirt. I checked in with Marta and she said she would maybe wear a casual, but nice dress. Classy but not to over the top… Why can’t Monegasque people be a bit more precise!" I groaned and I heard Shima’s chuckling through the speaker "Not funny!"

"Okay, so dress or no dress?" Shima asked.

"No dress." I answered and she was quiet for a moment.

"Ouuuuhhh! I have an idea! The jumpsuit! The black one! It’s classy, elegant but not to over the top!" Shima said and I thought for a second.

"My sister has it, wait I gotta go to hers. I need to see if it still fits me!" I said and walked downstairs to the door into the little mud room between kitchen and garage where I took the stairs up into my sisters loft.

"Where’s the rest of the fam?" Shima asked as I walked through the loft into my sister's bedroom.

"They’re not at home, the mums are shopping, the boys are karting." I answered

"Why didn’t you go with them? Too tough?" she asked empathically.

"Yup, it wasn’t easy last week so a no for today!" I sighed "Wait, I’ll try it on and send you a selfie…"

"What’s the verdict? Good enough? Not too casual? Not too over the top?" I asked nervously

"Approved! Lizzie, giiirl! You look so damn good! What shoes? Hair and make-up?" she asked and I laughed.

"I don’t know? Probably just leave my hairs open? Little bit curled? Well make-up wise, like always? Just a little eyeliner and maybe some nude lipstick? As for shoes… you know I don’t mind heels but I don’t think that I can walk in them right now? I thought maybe some sweet, flat sandals?" I thought out loud, thinking about how everything looked together. With Camille there I didn’t want to look like I didn’t care about my looks. I just didn’t want to give her more reasons to pick on me, which I was sure she would do.

"Sounds good! No really Lizzie, you’ll look great! That’s the perfect mix!" she said and I smiled.

"The only thing that bothers me about the jumpsuit is that it has like a cut out on the back? And I’m scared that it will slip a little when I’m moving and show my… my… you know…" I said quietly.

"Lizzie! With all due respect, you should wear these scars with pride! They show how strong you are! They should only remind you that you almost died but you’re still here! Against all odds! ! You should wear them like a shield!" she said with a strong voice.

"You’re right! Thanks!" I had the best friends.

Charles POV:

Lorenzo and I took the car back to Monaco, Lizzie, Arthur and Mum were flying. The whole ride I thought about the best way to break-up with Camille. I initially planned on doing it after Portimaõ, but she started to talk about New Years Eve and how excited she was. She had the idea of renting a yacht to celebrate with our closest friends months ago, she planned it all by herself and was always so happy and excited when she showed me the newest plans. I just didn’t have the heart to break up with her before that, not after she put so much effort into it. Seeing her this happy made it hard for me to break her heart like this. After all, she didn’t deserve this. So I planned to wait until after New Year's Eve. Let her have this day, let her bask in the moment, she worked so hard for. And then I’ll break her heart. Doesn’t sound much better.

"You’re awfully quiet." Lorenzo said after a long while of silence and I swallowed hard.

"Yeah, a lot is going on in my head…" I sighed and he chuckled.

"Camille?" he asked and I looked at him "Oh come on, I’m your brother! I know what’s going on in your head. At least some of it."

"You do? Then help me sort it out…" I said and he laughed.

"I can’t tell you what to do, Charles." he looked at me "But you’re smart, you figure it out."

"I already have… it’s just… I don’t want to hurt her." I said hesitantly.

"Who? Camille?" he asked and I nodded.

"Who else?" I replied.

"Maybe you’re not that smart…" he said under his breath and I looked at him "Why do you think you will hurt Camille?"

"Because I’m going to break up with her… after New Years, I’ll have her over and explain everything to her.." I answered.

"Smart boy…" he chuckled.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

I just had to get New Years over with, let her have a day or two to relax afterwards and then have a conversation with her, I could do that. But I dreaded it. So much.

I felt dizzy, it probably wasn’t the best idea coming onto a yacht in my condition, but I promised it to Charles and now I couldn’t chicken out anymore. Big mistake. The constant whispers from Camille and her friends, the swaying of the yacht, it all was too much. I needed my medics and I needed them now. I got up from the lounger and walked to the stairs as I heard Camille and her friends talking downstairs, probably sitting in the lounge. I quietly walked down the stairs.

"Oh come on, why is she always hanging around him! Like she has no one else to talk to? And did you see her back? The scars? Eww! I would never ever again walk around in clothes so you could see it! Disgusting!" Camille sounded annoyed and I quietly sneaked away, almost bumping into Joris. He looked at me with sad eyes, and I knew he had heard what Camille and her friends said about me, but I just sent him my best fake smile and walked away. I quickly walked past Camille, trying to get into the cabin without being noticed.

"There you are, ma belle!" Charles almost yelled and I saw out of the corner of my eyes how Camille glared at me. He was drunk. I’ve never seen him this drunk before.

"Charles, I thought we talked about this… stop calling me that when your girlfriend is around!" I said it quietly and he only shrugged his shoulders.

"But you’re ma belle! And that’s your name! I always call you that? What am I supposed to say?" he asked and his confused look was just too adorable.

"My name, Lizzie. Remember?" I laughed and he shook his head.

"Lizzie is only for the others! But for me it’s ma belle! Because you are the most beautiful girl! And you are my girl! So you are ma belle!" he explained and I blushed. I could hear Camille scoff behind me and a glass breaking "Camille is just…" he began but I put my hand above his mouth.

"Stop talking, you’re drunk and don’t know what you’re saying!" I fake laughed and walked away, I nodded at Riccardo who understood and looked after Charles. I went back into the cabin, looking for my bag with my medics. I saw that I had a text from Arthur, but before I could check it, I dropped my meds and when I bent down to pick them up I was getting light headed, the dizziness only worsened. The throbbing pain in my temple was back again. I quickly sat down and took a deep breath. My brain began to fog up and I got up to go outside and get some fresh air. As I was holding on to the railing I heard steps coming towards me.

"Look who it is, ma belle!" Camille mocked and her three girlfriends just laughed "I mean I know that you’re not really the most stylish person, but still? Couldn’t you at least put some effort in your appearance?" their laughs were shrill and way too loud for my head and I wanted to walk away. For the first time in weeks my brain started to fog up to the point where I had to really focus on my speaking in order to get the words out correctly.

"Look Camille, I don’t know what your problem is with me, but I don’t have time for this now, sorry!" I said and Camille and her little flock started cackling.

"I’m sorry? I’m not speaking gibberish?" Camille laughed and I looked at her, heat rising in my cheeks. Focusing didn’t seem to work.

"Just leave me alone! Please! I don’t know why you always try to pick a fight with me!" again they only laughed harder.

"Oh no, poor little Lizzie's head is all mushy again! Maybe your little accident damaged your brain a little more than they thought?" Camille sneered and I walked back into the cabin, then I realised the tears streaming down my face. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Arthur.

I packed my belongings into my bag, sat down on the couch and waited. Through the windows I could see that we were on our way back to the harbour. I closed my eyes. Only a couple of minutes and I could leave this god damn yacht and Camille and her entourage of mean girls. Every now and then a tear slipped down my cheeks. As we docked in the harbour I got up and grabbed my bag, I wanted to walk out as Charles walked in.

"Hey ma belle, I was looking for you? You looked a bit pale…" he began but then he realised the bag on my shoulder and my tear stained face and in an instant he cradled my face in his hands "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I’m just tired, Charlie. It wasn’t a good idea going on a yacht in my condition! You celebrate and have fun! Spend some time with Camille, I’ll be fine!" I said and pushed away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek and started walking away but he grabbed my wrist.

"Ma belle, what is going on? I know you and it’s not your condition? You were doing so well the last few weeks! What happened? Where are you going?" he said, his voice stern, but I just tore my wrist out of his grasp and shook my head.

"I’m fine, Charles. It’s ok!" I whispered and left quickly. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment then he followed me.

"Ma belle? Lizzie?" he almost shouted it, his voice was laced with worry but also sounded a bit hurt and I only walked faster. Camille just grinned at me, her friends were laughing as I walked fast past them to the gangway that was set up by the deckhands. Joris looked at them furious.

"Lizzie, wait!" Charles sounded nearer this time but he was stopped by Camille, he wanted to push her away as Arthur appeared at the dock "What is Arthur doing here?"

I walked as fast as possible without falling in the water over the gangway, where Arthur grabbed my bag and held me to his side to steady me, everything started to spin and the pain in my head rose to a new high.

He opened the passenger door and helped me in, then walked around and got into the driver seat. I could see how Charles was furiously talking to Camille and Joris, hands flying through the air, always pointing in our direction.

"Are you sure you’re okay?" Arthur asked and I nodded, silent tears streaming down my face.

"Just drive home…" I whispered and Arthur started the car. For the first time in weeks I felt like this again, the throbbing pain in my temples, the impeded speech, shaky legs, problems to breathe properly, almost a full blown anxiety attack. And all because of Camille. Maybe I had to talk to Charles sooner rather than later.

Charles POV:

"What do you want to hear from me? She texted and asked if I could come pick her up and I did just that!" Arthur was furious.

"Why didn’t you call me? You could’ve told me that she was unwell and then I would take care of her!" I was even more furious.

"Charles, she wanted to leave the boat! End of the story! She didn’t want to stay there and celebrate with you!" he almost sounded annoyed.

"What’s that supposed to mean? She didn’t want to celebrate with me?" I asked him confused "She rather wanted to celebrate with you? At home? Alone?"

"Yes. Happy now?" he answered and sat back down on his sofa.

"Okay, what is going on here? Are you and Lizzie…? What about Clara?" it couldn’t be. Arthur and Lizzie?

"For fucks sake, Charles! My girlfriend isn’t the one who constantly dragged her down for the past year!" Arthur almost shouted it and glared angry at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked him as I try to stay calm and Arthur hid his face in his hands and groaned "Arthur, what the fuck do you mean?”

"I’m not supposed to tell you this! But come on, Charles? You’re telling me that you not only once realised how Camille treated Lizzie? How she glared at her, all her snarky remarks? How could you be so oblivious?" Arthur asked me and I sat down and leaned back, thinking about his words.

Camille was sometimes annoyed when I spent my down time with Lizzie instead of her, but she always said she understood? Although last year Lizzie and I didn’t spend much time together considering Covid first and then her accident. When she moved in with me to start with her recovery, Camille didn’t have a problem with it. Or did I just ignore her complaints? The more I thought about it, the more I realised that whenever I mentioned Lizzie Camille tried to change the topic immediately, tried to always keep us busy so I didn’t have much time to spend with Lizzie and not even once asked how she was after her accident. Arthur was right, how could I be so oblivious? I facepalmed myself and sighed.

"I am stupid…" I mumbled and Arthur only nodded.

"I’m not arguing with you on that, but Charles? Don’t you think it’s time that you tell Lizzie that you lo…" Arthur began but he got interrupted by a sound coming from the guest bedroom, the one Lizzie currently slept in "I think you should leave for now, you need to sort out your shit with Camille first, before you talk to Lizzie, she cried herself to sleep last night, she will pretend like she didn’t but I heard her."

"Take care of her!" I whispered and Arthur hugged me.

"Of course!" he said and I left, taking my phone out of my pocket. I texted Camille to meet me at my place in an hour, then I called Joris. He never liked Camille, I needed to know if it was because of Lizzie.

"I want to know everything." I said and Joris just groaned.

"She’ll kill me if I tell you…" Joris began but I cut him off.

"I don’t give a fuck, right now I should be your concern, because if you’re not telling me what I’ve been missing for a whole damn year, I’m the one coming for you!" I said.

"She was awful to Lizzie, always saying things to her that Lizzie’s just a friend of yours, that she is now the most important person in your life, that Lizzie should start to understand that your priorities are now on her and that Lizzie is not important anymore. She even got that far telling Lizzie to give you guys some more space and sent her away from, to quote her, "our flat"… like she would live there with you! And after Lizzies accident she and her bitchy friends always made fun of her when she needed a little longer to speak or when she couldn’t walk normally in the beginning… and the things they said about her back?! The scars? It was awful…" he said and with every word he spoke I felt sicker and sicker, I was trembling, anger surging through me.

"And why the fuck did no one tell me? Why did Lizzie tell you but never me?" I was furious.

"Because Lizzie didn’t tell us those things! I heard it! I saw it! We all did at some point! Camille never did those things when you were close by! But we all witnessed it! Do you remember your birthday? How Riccardo left in the middle of it out of nowhere? That was because of Camille! She was horrible towards Lizzie! Her friends commented on that video that someone took of her on your boat. Not nice things. And he was so fed up that he wanted to tell you, but Lizzie pleaded with him to not to so he agreed, but he was so mad that he had to leave otherwise he would’ve called her out in front of everyone! We all wanted to tell you more than once, Charles! But Lizzie… she thought that Camille made you this happy and she didn’t want to ruin your relationship!" Joris explained and I felt the bile rise up my throat.

"You still should’ve said something!" I almost shouted, I was mad and letting it out at Joris wasn’t fair but I had to let it out. I couldn’t hold it in.

"I wouldn’t have to say anything if you weren’t so fucking blind! And if she wasn’t so blind! You weren’t happy because of Camille! You were happy because of Lizzie! Not Camille! How could you even start dating her? When you clearly love Lizzie! You really thought your plan would work out? You will forget about your feelings for Lizzie because of Camille? The only thing you did with that was hurting Lizzie! You have no idea how many times Lizzie cried last year because of you! She tried everything to not ruin your birthday when you did just that back on her birthday! Not just that you came fucking late, no you ignored her for most of the night, you weren’t even singing with us and then you left earlier because of Camille but you didn’t even say goodbye to Lizzie! You fucking left her alone on her birthday! You know how much she hates celebrating it! You have no idea how many times I… no we had to see her heartbroken expression when you were faking being happy with Camille and Lizzie believed it! Just for you to not man up and confess your feelings to Lizzie! If you want to be mad at someone, then it’s you first and Camille second!" Joris got up and left.

I sat there dumbfounded. But after a while I had to admit, everything he said was right. Now it was time to finally do the right thing.

"You never gave us a real chance because of her, that wasn’t fair! I was always good to you!" she didn’t sound sad, more mad, disappointed and annoyed.

"You’re right. It wasn’t fair. And I can’t apologise enough for letting it come this far. But what you did Camille? Your friends did? What you said? The entire last year? Nothing of this was her fault! It was all me. I messed up and I know it. I’m sorry for hurting you, I really am." the only one to blame was me. I should’ve never even started this relationship in the first place.

"I didn’t mean what I was saying Charles, it was only a joke, yes I know, a bad one. But it’s always her, her, her! I guess I had to let it out at one point!" she defends and I sigh.

"Yeah, but then you should’ve let it all out on me. Not on her, after everything she’s been through! And it was more than a joke Camille! You were horrible to her the entire time! I was just too blind to see it! And that is entirely my fault! Because I was the one who was in a relationship with you even tho I’m not…" I stopped and Camille’s look changed.

"Go on, say it…" she said and I sighed.

"The time we spent together, how you always supported me although I didn’t deserve it, I can’t thank you enough for it, Camille… but I was never in love with you. I’m sorry… you deserve someone who is in love with you and not someone who’s just with you because it feels nice and content, because he can’t stay alone." I said it and she nodded.

"It was always her, right. I never had a chance, did I." it wasn’t a question.

"I wanted it not to be her, that’s why I gave us a chance in the first place, I was trying everything to bury the feelings that I had, no, that I have, for her… but you’re right, it was always her… it will always be her…" I answered and Camille smiled a little.

"Then do yourself a favour and tell her." and with that she got up and walked to the door. "Goodbye, Charles." and she was gone.

I didn’t know how long I sat there, thinking about what she said "Do yourself a favour and tell her", she was right. I had to tell Lizzie that I am in love with her, only her. But I couldn’t do it now, not after I just broke up with Camille, she couldn’t think that she was just a rebound. I needed to take my time, show her every day a bit more that I love her, because Camille was right, it was always her. And I was right as well, it always will be her. I flinched when my phone pinged, a message from Lizzie. Rather than texting back I called her.

"Ma belle."

"Hey Charlie, how are you?" she sounded nervous.

"I just broke up with Camille…" silence.

"I’m sorry." she sounded sincere.

"Don’t be. It’s better like this. There was too much baggage. Too much going the wrong way for too long."

"You still loved her…"

"No, I loved the fact of having a girlfriend, having someone by my side."

"Hmm, ok. Are you good? Do you want to be alone? Or do you want to come over? We’re ordering food and watching a movie…"

"I’ll be there in 20 minutes."

"See you then, Charlie bear."

"See you, ma belle." she hung up. I love you.

"Are you crazy? Who’s going to eat all of that?" Arthur looked at me with big eyes as I walked back from the door, 2 pizza boxes, 3 pasta dishes and 3 salad boxes already on the table, and now another big bag full of Indian and Chinese food as well.

"When you said you’d order something from everything, I didn’t think you would mean it quite literally?!" Carla chuckled and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Charles is coming over as well…" I said and walked into the kitchen to get some cutlery, plates and glasses "Come on Arthi, the drinks won’t walk on their own!"

"So is it just him? Or is she coming as well… after yesterday? Do you really think it’s a good idea?" Arthur whispered and I sighed.

"He will probably tell you himself, so you know from nothing. He broke up with Camille, as of today…" I said quietly and Arthur’s smirk was getting bigger and bigger "Stop! He’s probably heartbro…"

"How can he be heartbroken when he never loved her!" Arthur mumbled and walked out the kitchen. Why was he saying that? Charles said the same? What do they know that I didn’t? The doorbell rang and I shook the thought out of my head and walked back into the living room and set everything down. Charles straight up walked to me and hugged me tight.

"Hey ma belle!" he whispered into my ear and I got goosebumps all over my body.

"Hey Charlie bear… are you okay?" I whispered back and he nodded.

"Very much… thank you!" he answered and took my hand in his, sat down and pulled me down right next to him.

"Is Camille coming as well?" Carla asked and I tensed up a little.

"No, she’s not coming, she’ll never come over again, to be honest. We broke up." Charles said and played with our intertwined fingers.

"Oh, thank god!" Carla let out and blushed immediately "I mean… oh god, I’m sorry! She’s a nice girl! Totally! I’m just- I’m just… umm…"

"It’s okay. I know what you mean. It’s better like this. She wasn’t the… let’s just say she wasn’t the right one." Charles said and Arthur chuckled.

"Yeah, I’m sure you’ll find the right one…" he said, voice oozing with sarcasm. I kicked his leg and he just chuckled even more "So, what are we watching?"

After a long discussion we settled for Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone and as we were all cuddled up on the sofa with plates full of food the film started and a pleasant silence fell over the room.

Charles POV:

"No, it’s alright. I’ll carry her to bed." I whispered and Carla gently tugged the blanket away. I got up carefully with Lizzie in my arms and Arthur walked in front of us, opening the door to his guest bedroom, switching on the light on the nightstand.

"You’ll stay here, right?" Arthur asked and I laid Lizzie down.

"Umm… should I?" I said quietly and he only nodded.

"Wait a minute…" he said and walked away before he came back with a t-shirt and some sweatpants "Good night, Char." he walked away but then turned around "You know that she loves you? And you love her? So whatever you’re doing, don’t hurt her again…" then he left.

I quickly changed into his spare clothes, went into the bathroom and washed myself as good as possible. Rinsed my mouth and walked back into the guest room, then I quietly closed the door and laid down next to Lizzie. I switched off the light and fell asleep almost immediately.

I stirred around, then groaned before laying on my side as I heard a little giggle.

"Hi, Charlie bear…" Lizzie’s voice was a little hoarse and she yawned.

"Hi, ma belle… I missed this…" I sighed and opened my eyes, looking into hers "Waking up from you rolling around to find a comfortable position again to sleep a little longer. And then your little giggle when you realise you woke me up…"

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s just that I was cold all of a sudden and no matter how I laid, it didn’t seem to warm up again…" she chuckled and I pulled her into me. Cuddling her body close to mine.

"Better?" I mumbled and closed my eyes again.

"Better." she whispered breathlessly and we laid like this for a while, before I decided to address the elephant in the room.

"Why didn’t you tell me? All the things that Camille did?" I whispered and Lizzie tensed up, breathing in audibly.

"She seemed to make you happy. You seemed to love her. That was all that mattered to me." she answered and my heart broke.

"She made you sick Lizzie, she was making you feel so anxious that your body reacted in the worst kind of way… my happiness wasn’t as important as your health!" I groaned but she just shook her head.

"No, Charles, that’s where you’re wrong. Your happiness is the most important thing for me! After everything you’ve been through, you deserved some happiness, so when I had to suffer because of it I did it and I would do it all over again…" she said and I held her even tighter in my arms.

"Nothing is more important than you, ma belle! You hear me? God, Lizzie! You’re the most important person in my life! I’m sorry for not seeing what she was doing, how she treated you, god I will never forgive myself for being so blind and oblivious!" I whispered but she shook her head again.

"Charles, you didn’t do anything wrong! There is nothing to forgive yourself! You loved her and she made you happy. Period." she sighed but now I shook my head.

"I never loved her. Not even in the slightest, I just liked having someone around. I hate being alone. I just can’t do it. But you had your own worries, then the accident, the recovery. Camille was convenient. And she was nice and sweet when it was just us. But, I never loved her. I know I sound like the biggest asshole on earth right now. But it’s the truth…" I said and Lizzie looked up at me with her big eyes, contemplating her next words.

"With any other girl I would say yes you’re an asshole, a huge one! But because it’s her? I’d say you’re just a teeny, tiny one, like this…" she laughed and pinched her thumb and pointer finger close together, almost touching.

"I think I can live with that." I answered and laughed as well.

"So what happens now? You’re officially on the market again! Single ladies of Monaco beware!" Lizzie laughed even more but I just shook my head and she stopped and looked at me.

"Nope. I’m not jumping into the next best relationship just because I don’t want to be alone. I’m waiting for the right girl to come around. However long it takes." I said and looked her determined in the eyes. She swallowed loudly and chuckled nervously.

"Yeah… however long it takes…" she answered and I smiled at her.

I will wait however long it takes for her to realise that for me it has always been her. And that she will be the only one I will have by my side ever again.

"That sounds really cold, Charles! You should reconsider that… I don’t want people to think that you’re an asshole!" I sighed but Charles only shook his head.

"I don’t care. We didn’t make any lasting memories, the texts she sent me the last few days showed me her true colours, she’s already out there planning a vacation with some other dude, 2 days after our break-up, saying he always treats her right… in these 2 days or what? And she said, to quote her, now she can finally live her life the way she wanted again." he said and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Okay. Do whatever you want then." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"It’s posted. Water under the bridge." Charles said and I smiled at him.

Bye Camille…

————————————————————————

Little Note:

That's it, chapter 11 is out - Ding Dong, the Bitch is dead gone 🙌

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram.

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

School Shopping Chapter 5 (Final Chapter)

Here's the final chapter of my first ever fanfic! The Amanda the Adventurer Piper introduction fic! Hope you've enjoyed

“Actually… I kinda like my hair the way it is. I mean, isn’t it recognizable this way?” Amanda asks. I really just want this episode to be over. She thinks to herself. 

“I guess you’re right. How about makeup?” Piper says, pulling out a makeup kit out of nowhere.

“Absolutely not.” 

“You can do my makeup!” Wooly volunteers. 

“Aww but I wanna do girly stuff with Amanda!” Piper whines. “Please… if not the makeup then at least let me do your hair! Just for today?” You are not touching my head. She thinks. 

“Wooly can do my hair.” Amanda responds. “Really?” Wooly gasps in excitement. 

“Good enough.” Piper sighs. She pulls out the book again. Riley picks some cute braids. “Fun! How about while you do that, I’ll get us some bracelet making stuff! Be right back!” 

While Piper runs off to who knows where, Amanda sits on the floor and Wooly sits on Piper's bed, where there are a bunch of hair styling supplies already laid out. He undoes her buns and starts brushing her hair. “I’m shocked you let me do this.” “I just didn’t want her to do it. And… I don’t know how to do it myself…” Amanda admits. But once the brush touches Amanda’s hair, Wooly feels like he won’t have an issue. Why is this so… familiar? He wonders. It feels like he’s done this before… a long time ago… before he was in the tapes. Back when he was human. He can’t remember what exactly it was, and part of him kind of wanted to. “I don’t get you.” Amanda sighs. 

“Huh?” 

“Today when I looked at you for help… you just stood there… but then you helped me afterwards. I don’t get it.”

“I wanted to help! I did! Really want to… but…” his words stop making sense and the room begins to glitch again. Wooly stops brushing. 

“Wooly?” 

“I’m not brave like you Amanda.”

“I’m back!” Piper beams, bursting through the door. The room returns back to normal. She looks at the two almost friends in confusion, “Did I… interrupt something?” Yes. Amanda thinks in annoyance. 

“No, it’s fine. I was just about to start braiding her hair.” Wooly says softly. 

“Need me to show you how? I got a book here.” “No… I think I got it.” 

“Cool. Amanda, wanna make some bead bracelets with me?” she asks. Amanda nods. The group sat in silence for a bit. 

“Is this okay?” Amanda asks. 

“Should be fine. We’re not a preschool show anymore. Besides, this was just a test episode. The tape was only sent to Riley.” she replies casually, without even looking up. Amanda’s blood runs cold. They know where Riley is. Her heart sinks into her stomach as she looks at her finished bracelet. Is Riley going to die too? Was this doomed from the start? She feels her eyes start to get wet. No! Don’t cry! Not here, not now! “Oh, Amanda, you're done with your bracelet? Let me just give you a clasp- Oh no! I left them downstairs. Be back in a jiffy!” She listens as Piper’s footsteps fade as she disappears down the stairs. Amanda starts a new bracelet. 

“Riley… stop watching the tapes. It’s hopeless.” 

“It’s not hopeless Amanda. If Riley is watching the tape that means they're fine! They can still escape, we can… still escape…” 

“But…” 

“I mean…” Wooly turns to Riley, “You will be in danger. You could still die. It’s your choice.”

“And what if they die?” 

“Let’s um… not think about that. But… with the show being put back on TV maybe we can find new friends? So that doesn’t happen?” So we’ll just replace them? Wow Wooly. Amanda thought unenthusiastically. 

“I thought you didn’t want to escape.” 

“I didn’t think we could. Now I do, and it’s all your fault.” Wooly replies. A teasing tone floats in his voice. A tone that makes Amanda feel like maybe things will be okay. Just this once.  

“You know, you’re very good at this. The braids, I mean.” Amanda said quietly, teasing one between her fingers. 

“Yeah… I think I might’ve done this before… for my-” 

“Sorry it took so long. It took me FOREVER to find them.” Piper burst back in out of breath. “You were saying something?” Was I… saying something? Yeah… What was I saying? Wooly wonders. Piper put the clasps on the floor. Amanda takes one and attaches it to the bracelet. “Is that for?” Amanda silently puts her finger to her mouth. It’s a surprise. Piper nods in understanding. “Look, I finished mine! It’s got a raspberry on it. Because I love Raspberries!” she grins.

“Oh yeah, you’re done with yours right Amanda? Can I see?” Wooly asks, Amanda hides both of them. 

“Not until you’re done with my hair.” she replies. 

“Aww… Fine.” he pouts, slouching in disappointment as he continues to braid. It wasn’t long before they were finished. Amanda looks in the mirror. 

“Wow, they're so pretty! Wooly did such a good job. Don’t you think so?” she prompts Riley, who types in “no”. 

“Hey!” Wooly shouts. 

“Don’t tease him, he did a good job.” Amanda says, smiling and shaking her head. 

“Can I see the bracelet now Amanda?” Wooly asks. Amanda looks at the bracelet in her hand and back at Wooly. Should I really do this? I’m still not sure if I can trust him. She made up her mind. Oh well, should be fine for now at least.

“Only if you close your eyes first.” Amanda grins. Wooly reluctantly closes his eyes. “And hold out your hands.” “I feel like you’re gonna give me something gross.” 

“Maybe…” she slips the bracelet in his hand and he immediately opens his eyes. 

“Huh?” In his hands was a green bead bracelet with a Peach bead in the middle. Amanda shows off her own apple bracelet.

“They're proof of a truce between us! By wearing the bracelet, you are agreeing for us to get along!” Amanda announces. “And promising that you will not do anything to betray the truce!” This… is so corny. What am I even saying?

“So no more trying to kill me or break my bones?” 

“Oh please it was one time!” Amanda says, crossing her arms and pouting. 

“It wasn’t…” Wooly sighs, but he put the bracelet on anyway. “So this is like… a friendship bracelet right?” He’s really insistent on calling us friends isn’t he? Amanda thinks to herself. Oh well. 

“I guess it is.” Amanda replies.

With that, the tape ends and falls out of the machine.

Just so you know I'm very new to writing fanfic. I don't know if any of the characters ended up falling out of character, if so oops, my bad. But either way I hope you enjoy!

First:

Previous:

[outofcryo]

keep them in your mason jars || (closed with jemmagentofshield)

@jemmaagentofshield

They told him that they had broken the programming, that they had found and snipped all the little threads that Hydra and the Russians had stitched into his brain. And it had felt like they had plucked a bunch of seams sometimes, as though they'd split the material of his mind and left him to figure out how to put it all back together again. It wasn't a pleasant process, and it sure as hell wasn't a quick one. The therapists kept telling him it would take time, that he needed to be patient. Patient with the process, patient with himself. They had at least agreed when he'd told them he needed something to do while he was putting all that patients into practice.

Their initial assessments had cleared him to go back in the field, under strict supervision, or else trying to make a 'normal life' in an incredibly abnormal world, under strict supervision. It hadn't really felt like much of a choice when they'd given it to him. He'd picked going into the field, he'd be able to do some good in the field. At least the supervision wouldn't be hidden surveillance. He'd had enough of that in his life.

Finding a place for him had taken a bit of time.

Eventually, they'd told him they'd found a team for him. People with the right kind of experience dealing with people with enhanced abilities. They had the right kind of experience with rehabilitation, too. They had a biochemist, who was also an MD, they had an engineer, too. The fact that they also had a prison cell that could hold him helped a lot. Wouldn't take much with two operatives, a biochemist, and an engineer to wrangle him in there if they were wrong about getting all the programming out of him.

So, he'd packed up his duffel, made arrangements with his therapist to have remote sessions. His file and transfer had been sent ahead of him, so they wouldn't be surprised by his arrival at least. Getting dropped off at the air field, Bucky had looked up at the large airplane and walked over to the lowered ramp.

"I'm looking for Doctor Simmons?" Bucky ask, getting pointed to a lab space. The door had been left opened while ground crews were resupplying the plane.

He probably should have looked for Agent Coulson. In the Army he would have gone looking for his commanding officer. Getting the medical stuff done first… He was still a little uncomfortable around doctors and medical staff. They'd poked and prodded enough at him for all of their assessments, drawing blood, running tests, wanting to see and understand how the serum and cryo freezing had affected him. Probably wanted to try to reproduce it too.

Knocking lightly at the edge of the door to the lab, Bucky looked between the two women in the room. "I'm looking for Doctor Simmons?" he repeated. "The ground crew pointed me here."

"Uh. You're Sergeant James Barnes. Hi," the brunet woman said. She turned to the other woman with a very low, under her breath "wow, hot" to her companion. He heard it, though he kept a straight face. Even his handlers in Hydra hadn't really appreciated how good his hearing was. Mostly because he wasn't used for information recon. He was used to not reacting to comments people thought he wasn't going to hear. But part of him appreciated the lack of fear in those words.

[rathologic]

it’s me again! thank you so much for your response on my first ask!

so, my next question is this: what does the Town do for more, like, advanced medical stuff? because you don’t need high tech for some ailments, such as stitching wounds and setting bones, and a few illnesses can be made out just through visible symptoms.

but what about things like stomach pumping? X-rays? stuff like that? would the Town have it, or would that be too “modern”?

i know the Town has IVs (at least, i think those were IVs in P2), and Rubin seems to have a bit of a more “modern” look to his lab, but i’m not sure how far that “modernness” extends.

I generally go by "if the doctors in Town aren't using it under the critical circumstances in-game, it doesn't exist" - the bachelor points out that he doesn't have adequate instrumentation, and the haruspex was sent out of the town to study modern techniques in the first place. the Town is also pre-electric so that's not a point in favor of complex equipment... here's my review of stuff that we Can find

the Haruspex has an alembic, which is used for distillation, and another thing - a brewing tank in 2, but its patho1 equivalent looks more like another kind of separatory device (note the spouts at differing heights) and its tooltip is just [Mixture]. I would guess this is rockable along the support rod, used 2 mix or separate fluids

isidor's house doesn't have much of any equipment but this second thing, which I can't quite place - it also looks like a separatory device but is hand-cranked. (alembic pic also inserted so it's not huge)

medical equipment provided in 2's theatre is overwhelmingly "tins of unknown substance" which are likely to reflect the prevalence of herbal medicines. & yeah, these are IVs formed from what looks like a waterskin and needle (of absurd gauge! mamma mia! I hope it's just that large so it shows up on the game screen)

I was surprised while checking locations for this that rubin's crappy p2 hideout has literally no instrumentation, he has a bonesaw and a water pump and a couple of cans/packages laying around. afaik he doesn't even make the vaccine in p2 which tracks with that :-( but in p1, he has visible a microscope, scale, sealable fluid tanks, and a variety of glassware: test tubes with racks, and stoppered Erlenmeyer and cylindrical flasks of multiple sizes. which is a lot more than dankovsky has (only a microscope + tubes). speaking of microscopes, the way their UI works in-game confirms that blood samples are not centrifuged so a lot of modern techniques aren't going to be applicable.

anyway for advanced stuff I think people just died unfortunately.

[thebabblingbrookenook]

Powerful

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader (Modern AU)

Summary - Your best friend’s eldest brother has always been a bit of a problem for you. He’s always been around to provide his particular brand of torture, but always just out of reach. What happens when that reality gets blurred?

Word Count: 6.7K

Warnings: 18+ smut, dirty talk, oral, finish inside, power swap

Author’s Note: Alright... This is a new one for me lol. Huge thank you to @colettebronte for giving this a once over and helping me iron out some of the kinks. And for the title suggestion! 

“You have gotta be freaking KIDDING ME?!?!” you exclaimed, barely refraining from shouting expletives through the busy city streets. 

This had been the week from hell. You know what, scratch that - The entire month had been the stuff of nightmares. Ever since you had started this new job you had developed the taste for violence. Your boss was such a controlling, condescending prick. Nothing you did was ever to his liking. Even when you crossed every T, dotted every I, and turned in work well before their deadlines, he could still find something to complain about. 

His most recent form of entertainment was assigning you tasks with very specific instructions. He never told you why he insisted on multiple unnecessary steps, but you had an inclination that his reasoning was completely arbitrary. He just enjoyed watching you get flustered. Testing the limits of your patience was a sport to him. When you inevitably turned red-faced and fought to contain your tears, he would lean in just a little too close and tuck your hair behind your ear. 

His voice always held a patronizing tone. “Now, now… don’t get upset. This type of work doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some people need practice utilizing common sense. I’m sure you’ll improve soon with my guidance. Now, take a moment to compose yourself before you go back to your desk. We can’t have the rest of the staff impacted by your ineptitude. Do you think you can handle that, Sweetheart?”

He made your skin crawl and your blood boil with rage. You hated who you were in his presence. You had never been one to second guess your worth until you had started working for him. You were qualified for this job. In fact, you were probably over-qualified, but somehow he still held this bizarre power to influence your self-esteem. 

Every morning when your alarm sounded, you debated with yourself on how much you needed this job. On one hand, you counted every moment until you could punch out and go home.On the other, you had gotten this job on the recommendation of a close family friend. You didn’t want to tarnish their credibility by telling the head of the company to fuck all the way off in front of his entire team. 

In the end, your discomfort never outweighed the injury to the Bridgerton family name. That was what you reminded yourself when your boss sent you out on your third coffee run in an hour.

According to him, your listening skills were atrocious, which must be why you could never get his order right. In reality, it was because he changed his mind about his order before you had made it back to the office. Instead of calling you to inform you of the change, he waited until you had walked the four blocks, there and back, to his favorite cafe. 

You had just rounded the corner, with what you were praying was his last coffee order, when an oblivious man on his cellphone barreled right into you. Hot liquid poured down your white dress, leaving a dark brown stain. Your assailant didn’t even stop to offer you a hand up from the pavement. 

Heat swelled behind your eyes. The tears were coming and there was nothing you could do to stop them. Your emotions had betrayed your logic, and you were left feeling helpless and exposed. 

There you stood, crying and wet, in the middle of the street, frantically trying to dab yourself dry. The only comfort being that the situation couldn’t possibly get any worse. 

At least, that’s what you thought..

Mortification washed over you when you heard the familiar, warm voice. “Pip? Is that you?”

Shit. Anthony Bridgerton. You’d know his voice anywhere. Your best friend’s oldest brother has always been a bit of a problem for you. His smug smirk riled your anger but his deep, molten eyes inspired another heat entirely. Being around him was unnerving. You were always highly aware of your own body, and how he influenced it with the slightest movement of his own. 

Aside from your boss, Anthony Bridgerton was the last person you wanted to see right now. He represented everything that vexed you at the moment. He was powerful, well-connected, and wielded control like a lethal weapon. He was intoxicatingly masculine and you were furious at how predictably you reacted to him.

You knew it was never his intention, but he had a way of making you feel untethered. It was hard to find yourself when you were with him. From childhood, you had a larger than life perception of him that left you feeling intimidated. But that was a self-inflicted insecurity and unfair to project on him. 

He was never anything but kind to you. He treated you like one of his sisters and you were just realizing that was the problem. Even though he was almost nine years older, you wanted him to see you in a different light. You wanted him to see you as someone who could be his equal, someone who held value. You didn’t want to be Pip.

You hated that nickname from the moment it left his lips when you were seven years old. Pip, short for Pip Squeak. All of the Bridgerton brothers had taken to calling you that. You were small, and easy to tease. The name fit so well that it was impossible to shake.

Most of the time, you wore it with a badge of honor. When Colin or Benedict called you that, it made you smile. Even Violet adopting the endearment made you feel loved. But not Anthony. It had, and always would bother you coming from him. 

Taking a deep breath, you straightened yourself and turned around to greet him. “Anthony…”

The smile dropped from his face as he took in your appearance, tear-streaked and coffee-stained. He closed the distance between you in seconds,cradling your elbow with his steady grip . “Good God, Pip! Tell me what’s happened!”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” you lied. 

Your choice to withhold clearly irked him. “You don’t seem fine. You’re a mess.”

His observation stung more than you cared to admit. “Oh, gee… Thanks Anthony. I don’t know how I could have ever figured that out without you.” You pulled your arm from his grasp. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t need you to fix me. I’m not helpless. I can do things on my own!”

He stared at you in stunned silence. You had never spoken to him like that before. You had always been Daphne’s friend that looked at him with hearts in your eyes. This new version of you didn’t align with his version of reality.

His eyes searched your face in contemplation. The heat of his gaze gave you the urge to run, but you were bolted where you stood, unable to break away. Nerves sent your heart soaring through the stratosphere and your breathing accelerated to an exhausting pace. 

You saw hurt flicker across his handsome face. “I never meant to imply that you couldn’t. Of course you can do things on your own. You’re a very capable woman.”

His declaration stole your breath. Stepping closer to you, he softened his voice. “I only meant that you didn’t have to do so. I’m here for you. Always, Pip. I hope you know that.”

There was that damn nickname again. “Ugh! Stop calling me that! I’m not a little girl anymore.”

He stepped so close that his nose almost grazed your own. “I am well aware of that.”

His pupils dilated, somehow blackening his already dark eyes.

You dug in your heels obstinately. “You could have fooled me. God, I am so sick of you treating me like a child!”

His arms crossed defensively over his chest. “Well, you’re certainly behaving like one right now. How else should I treat you?”

Your fists clenched painfully at your sides as you readied yourself for an argument, but he beat you to speaking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… well, it’s just that..”

You never knew him to be one to stumble over his words. That was usually reserved for you. 

“Just what?” you challenged. 

“You’ll always be Pip to me,” he admitted.

You wanted to be stronger. To have more resolve. But your irritation was being eclipsed by disappointment. He was only confirming what you already knew. You would always be Pip. Just Pip.

This was a dangerous conversation to be having in your current state of mind. If you wanted to preserve any semblance of a relationship with Anthony, you needed to get away from him before you said something that you couldn’t take back.

“Right,” you conceded. “Just a little pip squeak. I can’t hear this right now Anthony. Please step out of my way so I can get back to work.”

He looked over his shoulder in the direction of your office. You could practically hear the clues clicking together in his head. “Has Reed been a good mentor? He assured me that you would get the very best training under his tutelage.”

The mention of your boss brought new waves of dread. You had spilled his coffee. You’d have to go back. Again. There was no way you were walking into his office empty-handed. 

This wasn’t something you wanted to talk to Anthony about. You scrambled for a lie. He would just get mad and try to fix it. And the worst part was, that was exactly what you wanted him to do. He was very good at swooping in to rescue you, but maybe it was time that you stopped letting him. It wasn’t doing anything to help separate how you felt about him. 

Your silence alarmed him, lighting his fuse. “Pip, is he mistreating you?!”

You didn’t know what to do. This was delicate. Anthony could be unpredictable when his temper flared. 

The edge to the conversation had left him short on patience. “Fuck this! I’ll find out for myself.”

Quick on his feet, he turned away from you to stalk towards the building where you worked. In desperation, you reached out and clasped your hand around his wrist. “No, don’t! Anthony, stop. You can’t!”

“Like hell I can’t,” he warned. “Either tell me what is going on, or let go of me. You decide.”

People were starting to notice your spat. Tugging on the wrist you still clutched, you pulled him around the corner into the alleyway. “If I tell you, will you calm down?!”

“That depends on what you say. I make no promises.” He was dead serious.

You were quickly approaching your limit. “See, that’s exactly why I don’t want to talk to you about this. You’re not going to understand. You’ve never had to.”

“Try me,” he pushed arrogantly.

“You’ve always been you, Anthony. You were literally born for authority. You give the orders, not take them. Men like you and Reed have never had your worth reduced to how pleasing you look sitting at a desk, or how quickly you can serve someone. I bet you’ve never handed in a proposal that took you weeks to complete, only to have your boss set it directly in the rejection pile without reading it. Have you ever been asked to go home and change on your lunch break because the person who holds power over you wants you to look sexier for meetings with investors? Until you can say yes to any of those scenarios, you are not the person I want to confide in. I get enough high handed pity in my day to day, I don’t need it from you too. Especially not from you. I don’t want to associate that feeling with you.”

He gently encouraged you to continue, “And what feeling is that?”

“That I’m powerless. Inconsequential. A pip squeak…” you forced yourself to look him directly in the eye. 

A war was clearly being waged in his mind. About what, you weren’t sure, but eventually there was a victor. He huffed a determined sigh, “Come with me, I want to show you something.”

He started walking away, foolishly assuming that you would blindly follow. Had he not been listening to a single word you said? “Anthony, I can’t just come with you. It’s the middle of the day. I have to go back to work.”

His shoulders visibly tensed, but his expression was schooled when he turned around. “You will not be going back in there. If you want power, take it. Fuck that job, and fuck Reed. He won’t be employable for much longer anyway…”

His words hung ominously in the air, “I will gladly argue with you about this later, but for now,” he extended his hand for you to take, “Will you trust me?”

Maybe he was listening. He was giving you a choice. You could say no, go back to work and be miserable. Or, you could reach out to him and take a chance. You tried not to let the thought of lacing your fingers with his cloud your judgment, but you were losing that fight.

You were about to cross a line for yourself that couldn’t be undone. It would probably mean nothing for Anthony, but this would fuel your infatuation for the next twenty years.

“Pip?” his voice broke your trance. “Will you trust me, yes or no?”

You inhaled a deep breath to steady yourself. It was now or never. Curiosity won out over trepidation. Your hand slid into his and something inside you came into focus. “Yes. I trust you.”

His responding smirk held a danger that made you feel not quite as sure.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Anthony, what are we doing here?” you asked as his car pulled up in front of his apartment building. You had never actually been inside before. All of your adult interactions mostly happened when visiting Violet or on a night out with Daphne and Simon. 

He turned to look at you before removing the key from the ignition. “I want to prove to you how capable you are at taking control.”

Wait, what did he just say?! You didn’t have time to over-analyze before he was opening your car door and looping your arm around his. He tossed the valet his keys and escorted you to the elevator. His strong, skilled fingers punched in the code for the penthouse level. Your eyes lingered on them shamelessly. There was another button you knew they would press well.

The elevator doors dinged open, revealing a gorgeous open concept layout. The entire back wall was made up of floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the cityscape. The colors that ran throughout were deep and inviting. It fit him perfectly.

You felt him chuckle at your side. “Do you like it?”

You blushed, fully aware that he had caught you stunned and open-mouthed. “I do. It’s very you…”

“Hmmm,” he questioned. “Does it stand to reason that if you like my home because it is very me, that your affinity might extend to me in general?”

“Umm,” you gulped. He was standing closer now. “Are you asking if I like you?”

His answering smile was dangerous. “Oh, I know you like me. I’m asking if you like me enough to do anything about it?”

“Anthony…” you were stalling.This couldn’t possibly be happening. 

He took another step, effectively securing you between his body and the kitchen island. He wasn’t touching you, but you could feel the heat coming off his solid chest.

He backed up, distancing himself slightly. “Was I mistaken? Has it been all in my head for years? If so, my apologies. I shouldn’t have been so presumptuous.”

. Panic clawed its way up your chest, propelling your hands forward. They gripped the soft material of his sweater and pulled him back to you. 

“No!” you exclaimed, embarrassed at your outburst. “I mean… No, you didn’t misunderstand. But if you knew, then why…”

“Why are we just now having this conversation?” he asked, finishing your question. 

A nod was all you could manage to give him. 

He sighed and continued. “You mean a lot to me. That meaning has shifted over the years, but you’re no less important. I would never abuse the power I hold in this relationship. It had to be something that you decided you wanted for yourself. It still does. You are under no obligation to explore this.”

Explore this… His words had injected themselves directly into your bloodstream. You both looked down at the bunched material of his sweater that you had clutched in your fist.

 “So, I’m going to say this one more time,” he warned. “Do you like me enough to do anything about it?”

Your answer was almost a whisper, “Yes…”

A rough finger pushed your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. “That wasn’t very convincing. Shall we try again?”

He was goading you now. He always knew exactly how to get a rise out of you. Maybe by the end of this, you would learn how to get a rise out of him. Preferably over and over again.

Your body took action before your mind had even decided. Twenty years of pining for someone can do that to a girl. 

He was so close and he smelled mouthwatering. Tugging down on his sweater, you pulled his lips to yours. Electricity buzzed blissfully through your body at the feel of him pressed against you. You were needy for him.The heat was already spreading between your thighs and he hadn’t even touched you yet. 

His mouth was perfect. Hot and wet, his lips danced with yours seductively. His hands snaked down your body and cupped your backside, hoisting you to the countertop behind you with ease. You opened your legs to welcome him in. 

His lips made their way to your ear and down the side of your neck. The stubble that lined his jaw made you shiver with delight and you felt the warm chuckle vibrate in his chest. 

“Did you like that?” he asked. “Do you want more?”

“Please…” your body wiggled to meet his hips.

A thrill shot down your spine at the noise he made in response to the friction. 

One strong hand came down to squeeze your hip, halting your movement. “I will give you whatever you want. Anything…”

His lips came back to your neck. His breath tickled your skin when he spoke. “Today is about you.” Another kiss. “I want you to feel fucking powerful.” His teeth grazed your earlobe. “Take it. Take the power. Tell me what you want. Show me how strong you are, Pip.”

You shied away from him, “I can’t do that. I won’t know what to do and I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“Not possible,” he shook his head. “I can assure you that anything you do is going to bring me to my knees.”

You don’t know what came over you, but a wicked smile inched across your face. “You promise?”

“Trust me, darling. I’m halfway there already,” he winked. “Now, tell me where you want me.”

Where did you want him? What did that mean? Where did you want him to touch you? Where did you want to touch him? What room in the house?! The possibilities were endless. You could feel yourself getting overwhelmed and you didn’t want to get it wrong. 

You didn’t think you could tolerate any more humiliation today. Especially if Anthony was the one to witness it. 

Just relax. You trust this man. You’ve known him your whole life. 

Inspiration started to take form in your mind. If you were going to experience what it meant to be powerful, you wanted to do it in a place that you associated with helplessness.

“Take me to your study,” you commanded.

Recognition flickered behind his eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”

He helped you from the counter and led you down the hall to the door you passed on your way in. Inside was exactly what you imagined. There was a huge, ornate wooden desk at the center. Behind it sat an oversized, well-worn leather chair. The room smelled of the books that lined its walls, but held a trace of the familiar, spicy musk that was Anthony. 

You gave an appreciative whistle. “So professional. It’s almost like you’re a real businessman or something.”

“Something like that,” he teased. 

Silence settled between you. Each of you is waiting for the other to pick up where you started. He looked like sin incarnate standing before you. His arched eyebrow clearly declaring his challenge. 

Bastard. He wasn’t backing down. If you wanted this, it had to be you. Your choice, your desires. You walked toward him, pushing him back until his legs hit the desk, then pressed down on his broad shoulders. He was perched on the edge, watching your every move intently.

Spinning away from him, you pulled your hair over your shoulder and offered him your neck. Looking back, you ordered, “Unzip me.”

Without hesitation, his deft fingers found your zipper, and slowly peeled it down your spine. His knuckles glided over your bare skin, prickling it with goose flesh. The fabric pooled around your waist, begging to be slid over your hips. 

He was silent behind you. The only sound, his labored breathing. Leaning forward, his lips wisped over the skin at the bottom of your spine just above…

Confidence was building within you. Bending over at the waist, you wiggled your dress down your thighs. His small gasp of surprise sent a rush of power flooding through your veins.

Your breasts were fully exposed when you turned to face him.

“Fuck,” he admired. “You’re definitely not a pip squeak anymore. We might have to rethink that nickname.”

“No,” you protested. You had decided to fully own it. Embrace it even. “You gave it to me. I want to hear you say it.” He gulped and nodded his head in understanding. “Now, didn’t you make promises of being on your knees?”

His pupils were blown wide open. Dropping to the ground in front of you, he looked up through his annoyingly beautiful eyelashes. He was waiting for your consent before crossing this final boundary.

When he found what he was looking for, his nose inhaled your scent before nuzzling you through the soft cotton of your underwear.You wound your fingers into his hair to steady yourself. “Take them off, Anthony.”

You were naked before him in seconds. “Mmmm,” he purred, licking his lips. “Can I taste you?”

“I’ll allow it,” you giggled. 

His hands went to your hips and he kissed his way down your tummy. You felt delicate under his large palms. His nose nestled into the small thatch of hair covering your mound, and he inhaled again. Deeper this time. “You smell amazing. Good enough to eat.”

You flashed him a cheeky smile, “Bon appetit.”

The heat and the vibration from his laugh made you clench. This was going to be good.

Softly, his lips brushed over your swollen clit. Your body melted into him and he hummed his approval. His tongue darted out and licked a tantalizing circle around you. He was taking his sweet time and the pace was torture. After all these years of pent up lust, you were likely to explode at any moment. 

One of his hands lifted your right thigh and placed it on his shoulder, opening you up and leaving you vulnerable to his assault. He licked your slick folds from bottom to top, sucking your clit between his lips. 

“Oh my gosh. Anthony… Mmmm.”

Your sounds of appreciation fueled him on. His mouth explored with more urgency. His tongue spread you wider and plunged deeper. The slurping, wet sounds were explicit. Your whole body burned from the blush spreading across your skin. It was all so brazen. You, in all of your glory, and him, still fully-clothed. 

You tugged on his hair, pulling his head back so he was looking up at you. His lips were shiny with your desire. “Stand up and take this sweater off. We’re about to make a mess. I like the way this looks on you and I don’t want to ruin it.”

The sight of his toned stomach made you ache as he pulled the sweater over his head. His skin was so beautiful and smooth. It always kept a hint of the sun, coloring him with warmth. The hair that dusted his chest was too much to resist. Your fingers splayed through it and you placed your palm flat on his chest over his heart. You could feel it beating. Calm and steady, just like him.

Reaching down, you started to undo his belt. You opened the front of his trousers but you didn’t push them down. He was rock hard against your palm. He watched you in awe while you traced your finger above the waistband of his briefs.

“These stay on for now,” you informed him. “Now, where were we?”

“I think we were right about here.” His fingers slid between your folds and rubbed languid circles around your clit.

“Get back down there, Bridgerton. We’re just getting started.”

“Whatever you want, Pip. Whatever you fucking want,” he pledged.

He moved between your legs with a newfound vigor, driving you to within an inch of your sanity. It was getting harder to stand on your own. Your legs were shaking with need but you would rather die than for him to stop now. 

Your fingers entwined desperately with his soft unkempt curls, pushing his face rougher against your core. You were so close now. So close it was almost painful. His voice pushed you even closer. “That’s it, baby. Ride my fucking tongue. Take what you want.”

“Anthony!” you begged.

“Come on, Pip. Come in my mouth. I want to taste you. I won’t waste a drop.”

One thick finger curled inside you and you were lost. 

“Mmmm, yes,” he groaned. “Keep going. I’ve got you. Let go.”

You didn’t recognize the sound of your own voice as you spasmed around his finger in fits of ecstasy. His tongue was still relentlessly lapping at your entrance, collecting every drop as promised.

Tremors rolled through your body as he coaxed every ounce of pleasure he could find. Your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders, silently asking for mercy. It wouldn’t be long before your legs gave way. You were beginning to suspect that was precisely what he wanted.

Slowing his magnificent assault, he started to inch his way up your body until his tongue traced around your hardened nipples. The feel of his stubble dragging across your chest was such a contrast to the gentle ministrations of his lips. This man was perfect. Maybe not for everyone else, but perfect for you. 

“Mmmm,” his teeth bit into your neck. “That was so good, Pip. You came so hard for me.”

Aftershocks of the mind-augmenting orgasm he provided were still rippling out to touch the very ends of you. Speech was proving to be harder than you remembered. You wanted to tell him thank you. To offer him the universe. But you couldn’t. You were too busy relearning how to breathe.

His laugh was light and free, synching your heart closer to him. “It’s okay, love. You don’t have to speak. Just hold on tight.”

With impressive ease, your legs lifted from the floor and were wrapped securely around his waist. The lean muscles in his back moved deliciously under your fingertips as he carried the two of you over to sit in his leather desk chair. The throbbing bulge in his trousers rubbed against your sensitive clit, slowly bringing you back to life with the sway of each of his steps.

The chair easily accommodated both of your bodies. Your knees straddled his thighs, spreading you perfecting over his straining cock. His jeans still hung open loose, allowing your fingers easy access to roam. He twitched in your hand, flexing his hips up to meet your teasing. 

“You’re so hard, Anthony,” you whispered in his ear. “So warm and thick. So useful…”

“Ohhhh, fuck!” he moaned as you ground your hot, dripping pussy down onto his lap. 

His hands clung to your hips for dear life, guiding your movements in a delicious rhythm. The material of his underwear was adding to the friction against pushing you towards your second orgasm of the day. You were aching to feel him buried inside you, but you were determined to draw this out as long as possible. You had already waited years, what was a few more minutes?

A warm, sticky fluid was leaking from his tip, dampening the deep red briefs that hung beautifully on his hip bones. It was begging to be tasted. Devoured. 

Gently, you slid your hand inside the elastic and circled your thumb around his sensitive head. He shuddered beneath you, his breath catching in his throat. His eyes tracked your movements in disbelief as you brought your thumb to your mouth and sucked off his salty-hot desire. 

“Mmmm. So good,” you opined. “I want more.”

Your hips moved again with a vengeance. Chasing your own ecstasy, you enticed him to join you. Your circles spun faster and rougher against him. “Oh, God! I’m going to come again, Anthony. Don’t you fucking move. Stay there. Just like that!”

A growl vibrated in his chest at your words. “Holy shiiitt! Slow down, Pip. I’m too close. I don’t want to come like this.”

Your hair hung wildly around his face when you leaned in to kiss him. “What if I want you to? What if I want you to come from the feel of me rubbing myself all over you until I scream? Don’t you want me to get everything I want, Anthony?”

His eyes were wild as he took in your expression. Longingly, he nodded his concession.

“Good boy,” you praised. “But don’t come yet baby. I want you to watch me first. Watch what you do to me. Feel how needy I am for you.”

Taking his hands in yours, you led one to your puckered nipple, and the other to the soaked opening between your thighs. “Do you feel that Anthony? Do you feel how much I want you? I’ve been thinking about this for so long.”

He slid two thick fingers inside of you, curling upward and pulling back against the wall of your channel. You rode his hand as you continued to use his body for your own pleasure. His ragged breaths and whimpers were lighting you on fire. It wasn’t long before you were exploding around him.

“Yes, yes, yessss,” he applauded. “You’re squeezing my fingers so tight. Keep going, I’m so close.”

Stilling your motions, you reluctantly removed yourself from his lap. “Oh, no. You didn’t think I was going to let you finish yet, did you Ant? Not before I’ve felt you in my throat.”

Dropping to your knees, you yanked the remainder of his clothes off, setting free his achingly beautiful erection. He was mouthwatering. Nothing in this world could have kept your tongue off him now. 

Your fingers gripped around him firmly, getting a feel for his girth. The skin there was soft and smooth. A delicateness contradicted with the pulsing, imposing vein that ran the length of his shaft to meet his swollen head. On impulse, you brought him to your lips and kissed it.

“Aaaahhh,” he winced with pleasure.

His head was thrown back, eyes clamped tight. His abdomen rose and fell with each harsh, staccato breath. 

“Anthony,” you called. “Don’t look away.”

Lust simmered in his fathomless chocolate orbs. His bottom lip was trapped between his teeth, resisting the urge to hold your face down on his cock until you choked.

A hint of his arousal spilled over the tip and dripped down his length. It was too much to resist. Your tongue darted out to catch it, licking all the way from bottom to top and wrapping your lips around his sensitive head. It made sense for a man like him to taste like such a delicacy. You wanted to drink him dry.

Placing your hands on his thighs, you took more of him into your mouth. You let your tongue lead the way, wetting him with your saliva. All the whimpers and muted curses under his breath were driving you insane. They only served to make you more brazen in your actions.

Finding a less languid pace, you bobbed your head up and down in his lap until you were able to touch the tip of your nose onto the sweat slicked skin of his lower stomach. He was resting perfectly at the back of your throat. Spit covered him as you gagged blatantly on his dick. 

“Holy fuck, you’re good at that,” he praised you.

One errant hand wandered from his thigh and reached below to cup his balls and massage them lightly. He wasn’t going to be able to handle much more of this. He hardened more and more by the second on your tongue.

You let your throat relax a little more and hummed around him. The muscles in his thighs tensed up with the anticipation of his release. Heeding his body’s warning, you removed yourself from him entirely.

His gasp sounded almost painful. “No, don’t stop. I was right there. Please…”

False innocence covered your face when you gave your reply. “I’m still going to make you wait, Ant. I want to see how well you follow orders. I don’t want you to come until I say so. If you’re getting close, I want you to tell me so I can decide if you’ve earned it yet. Do you think you can do that?”

The challenge was clear on his face, but he gave his consent nonetheless.

“Good,” you replied. “Let’s see how gracious you can be about it along the way.”

Your mouth found him again with a new vigor, this time with the assistance of your hands. You were making a sopping mess of yourself. The sounds you made were purposefully obscene. All notion of shame left you, and you embraced the heady feeling of bringing him this much pleasure. 

“Pip… Pip, slow down. I’m gonna…” his hand gripped frantically onto yours.

Slowly, you peeled yourself away from him. Sitting back on your heels, your rested your hands flat against your thighs, patiently waiting for him to catch his breath.

“Tell me when you’re ready, baby. I can wait,” you cooed.

Truthfully, you were having trouble waiting too. Once you had gotten a taste of him, felt the heat of him, you could think of nothing other than having him inside you.

“I’m ready,” he pleaded. “Come back to me.”

The five seconds it took for you to reach him felt like an eternity. On the floor, at his feet wasn’t nearly close enough, so you chose to climb onto his lap instead. Your knees found their home on either side of his hips.

The feel of him, bare and pulsing, so close to your entrance released a fresh wave of intoxication, and the evidence flooded down the inside of your legs and onto his lap.

“Ohhhhh God,” he moaned, holding you firmly atop him.

He glided between your folds with ease as you rubbed yourself all over him. Every few strokes, you could feel his tip align with your entrance. It took every ounce of willpower you had not to sink down to meet him.

His breathing was strained from the force of your back and forth rocking. His eyes only left your face long enough to watch the spot where your bodies rubbed together mercilessly

Another orgasm was starting to build in your belly, but the next time you came you wanted to be filled with him. 

His fingers were digging painfully into your hips, marking you as his. 

“Pip…” his voice was quiet and vulnerable.

When you looked at his face, you saw a single tear fall down his flushed cheek. Leaning forward, you kissed it, running your tongue out to catch the salty drop.

Your experiment with power was over. He had handed you complete control without a single complaint. He had more than earned his release.

You took his face between your hands and waited until his eyes focused on you. “Fuck me like you mean it, Bridgerton. Like it’s the last time I’m going to let you.”

Conflicting emotions creased his brow as he considered your words. The thought of this being the last time he could touch you this way was devastating him, but he had already said this was for you. If finding pieces of yourself with him today was all he could give you, then he would comply despite what he hoped for himself.

Abruptly, he stood from the chair and sat you down roughly on the flat surface of his desk. Your legs opened wide in anticipation. 

“Wrap your legs around me,” he commanded. 

With one swift thrust he was stretching you beyond comparison. You had never, not even once, been this satisfyingly filled. The vein in his cock dragged along the inside of your walls,

Your ankles locked behind his perfectly toned ass and pulled him closer. 

He growled out his approval, “Yessss… Good girl, Pip. Pull me in deeper.I don’t want to leave you until I’ve known every inch of you.”

His heavy panting and filthy words spurred you on. “I want to come inside you. I need you… I need to feel you flutter. Come on my cock so I can spill myself inside you.”

Your head was spinning from his last request. Sounds were muffled, your vision blurred. All you knew was the feel of him pounding into you. When his thumb bore down on your clit everything went white. Heat radiated out from the center of your being and touched the tips of your fingers and toes. Ringing sounded in your ears, leaving Anthony’s voice a faint echo.

“Fuckingggg hell!” he screamed as he stilled and emptied himself into your needy, and insistent embrace.

His movements slowed but he continued to push gently, reveling in the feel of you.

“You take me so well, darling. I just want to keep fucking my cum deeper into this perfect cunt.” His debauched words colored your mind.

Too soon, you felt him withdraw from you.. He licked down your face, along your neck, and over your collarbone, stopping to kiss the skin between your breasts.

Your legs were still wrapped securely around him, pinning him to you. Your hands came to rest in his hair, running soothingly through the strands as she nuzzled into your chest.

“Anthony…” you questioned.

“Mmmhmm,” was his sated reply.

“How do we taste together?” You felt him twitch back to life between your thighs.

His hand snaked down your body to reach between you, but you stilled his wrist, shaking your head in disapproval.

“No,” you clarified. “With your tongue.”

The sound he made was inhuman. It made you feral.

His head dipped below your belly button and his tongue savored the evidence of your combined orgasms. 

When he finished, he didn’t speak. Instead he brought his lips to yours and let you experience for yourself. His mouth bribed yours open with the promise of his tongue. Deep and sensual, he explored you. 

“Tastes just right to me,” he opined.

Tugging you gently from the desk, he settled back into his leather chair with you cradled in his lap.

Your hair stuck to your face in sweaty strands, and he pushed back behind your ear.

His face took on a curious expression. “Was that really the last time you’re going to let me fuck you?”

You laughed at the utter absurdity of that question. “Not even close, Bridgerton. Not even close…”

And it wasn’t.

It wasn’t even the last time that day.

@faye-tale @colettebronte @eleanor-bradstreet @bridgertontess @angels17324​

[noxturnalmoth]

Chishiya Shuntarô x Reader: An eternity

This is a personal request from my wife @heart4kuina and I decided to write it with the song Are you lying to your therapist about being sober again? Yes. by Chrmng, in mind. This is an angst to comfort so be warned about dark themes.

I hope you like it my darling, love you.

This comes from personal feelings I used to have and still have at times so it's more than an educated guess on a lot of the stuff mentioned. Also, Chish might be a bit ooc, but you'll see ;)

Summary: When all hope is lost, an angel embraces the martyr.

Another day in this fucking hospital. I'm getting tired of sitting on my ass in this sterile room all day, looking out to a world that was never good to me. Never once was I offered comfort or kindness. My peers and family deemed me too different, difference scares the ignorant, the ones that do not want the status quo to change because it sways in their favor.

So I was the little black sheep.

And once I finally tried to go and explore, finally let go of that bitterness that I felt in my soul, that darkness suffocating my mind, that sadness binding my body; I was fucking wiped out by a meteorite with a few other hundred of people.

We're called the "scientific miracles" of the century and perhaps the millenia, the ones of us who are still alive to tell the tale at least. A lot of us died, but the few that survived came back to life after all of their bodily functions shut down for a minute. A whole entire minute.

Some are fine enough, they're going back to a normal enough life with a second chance in their back pocket.

But I honestly wish I died.

I lost a leg and an arm, went into septic shock and came back. But came back to what? An empty home, a loud silence from my kin, a cold loneliness from my lack of valuable friends? It sucked.

So I resorted to waiting in my room, doing nothing, getting lost in thought. Imagining a better world for myself because the one I lived in wasn't good to me. Those daydreams went further than what I could control, but it felt good. Not having to control something, letting go....it felt good. The same blurry man appeared in those dreams, his voice distant and muffled but still able to make my heart flutter.

He always seemed to have that glowing halo around his head. His words smug but his voice soft, calming.

And all I remember when I wake up is how his hand felt around mine, how warm it was.

....ss

.

.

.

.i....iss

.

.

.

........miss

......."Miss (y/l/n), are you alright?"

I jump at the feeling of being shaken from my dream induced stupor. That voice, it wasn't my nurse.

And as I turn around I see a blonde haired male in scrubs and a white coat, a white stethoscope around his neck. The pin on his jacket was telling me his name was..

"I am Chishiya Shuntarô, a pediatric surgeon. I know you might be shocked at not seeing your usual nurse but due to collapsing from exhaustion she has been sent home posthaste. This isn't my wing nor are you in my field of expertise but I'll take care of you from now on. Due to the immense influx of patients and the lack of medical personnel we have to make do."

I nod silently, going to wipe at tears that had fallen from my eyes unknowingly. And present my arm for a test of my blood pressure and a new catheter to be placed.

"I have heard you've been in the incident too. So have I but, I've been called early as the hospitals in Shibuya are in a pickle." He says as he places the IV fluid cable to the catheter and fastens it.

I hum sleepily. Could he go already? I didn't want people around, especially new people. I didn't want to socialize with a new doctor, no matter if we could relate together.

"I also understand you are in a heavy depressive episode, so I have been given the green light to make you do activities. You have been catatonic, not due to a medical state of being but a personal choice. That and your selective mutism could cause many problems in your daily life, so as a pediatric surgeon used to working with much weaker and sensitive patients, I have been given the choice to help or not, and let a psychiatrist do all the work if I chose the latter."

He explains as he checks my vitals and wheels in a meal and meds from outside the room which he immediately closes after. I shake, my right hand squeezing in panic.

"Luckily for you, I know that right now, a psychiatrist might not be what you need. So I'll stay. I'll give you my phone number and be on call 24/7, so do not hesitate. Whenever you need something, anything, or just a presence, I'll be a few minutes away."

And days passed. And weeks passed. He washed me, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, wheelchaired me outside to get fresh air, fed me, talked to me, read books, listened to music while we shared earbuds, completed paperwork.

All, with me by his side like a burden that didn't seem to bother him in the slightest.

"Today I decided to cook for the both of us since it's Obon." He says, unloading his bag, filled with delicious smelling foods.

"You've been here two months already, your body has gotten much better but your mind....you are forcefully keeping yourself from healing. So I thought a celebration would help."

He pours me some tea as he organizes the table and I reach out for it, savoring the drink....savoring. It was...good. It felt...nice.

And warm.

"Why?"

He hums in surprise as he turns around, eyes wide open, eyebrows high on his forehead. My throat felt sore already but I continued.

"Why do you care so much?" My voice feeling and sounding like a gargle more than an ensemble of words.

He looks at me pensively then smiles sadly.

"Because I had locked myself out of feeling for years upon years. Because I know what you feel, at least I believe you do. You just...remind me of myself before I decided to get off my ass after that near death experience." He says setting himself down next to me on the bed, sipping on his miso soup.

"I just...I want to help, for real this time. I want to be someone good, someone worth knowing, someone worth being and living as."

And as I look at him, I swear I can see a halo around his blonde head. He turns to look at me with tired eyes and I look back at him with mine.

"I am not worth your work."

"Maybe not in your eyes, but you are in mine. If I let you go, I'll have failed myself and my creed as a medical practitionner. So let me help, let me help you so you can help yourself."

...It's strange, my mother and father didn't visit. But HE was always here. He...did he truly believe in me when no one else did?...

"I do, believe in you I mean. Look at yourself, uttering your deepest thought without realizing. Maybe it's time you let go of this state of being and switched it up. Your mind and body can only handle so much negativity (y/n)."

"I have no one to go back to."

"Well that's a lie."

I look at him inquisitively, my hand squeezing in anger at his words. What did he mean-

"I'm here after all." He scoffs, muttering something along the lines of 'that was fucking cliché, good job Shuntarô'. "Listen. You've been a real piece of work but look, you've talked so much today, for the first time in two months? That means I'm doing something right, and I won't stop until you realize how lucky you are and start enjoying life."

Ugh, I feel so sick all of a sudden. My face feels hot, my heart is palpitating, my nerves are going haywire am I-

"Awwwn. Did I fluster you? That's good, it's a new step forward!" He says as he ruffles my hair and starts packing up. "Before I go for the evening. I just want to give you an advice: let yourself live before it's too late and you realize what you've lost. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about." He sighs and finishes packing his bag, going towards the door. "Good night (y/n), sleep well."

And everyday he'd come, coax me into talking more, he'd play games with me. And I could swear that every second I spent with him from then on...

His halo glowed brighter.

He also seemed to change, cracking up jokes, laughing more.

I felt less alone as everything changed little by little.

"I'm sorry I am so long to heal. I wish it could be easier." I mutter looking at the rainy sky from the bedroom window.

"Well I don't."

I turn to him confused. What did he mean by that?

"It sounded mean, let me rephrase it. I don't wish it was easier, one because it would mean it's not as genuine and sloppy. Two, because I get to spend time with you."

I jump back slightly, eyebrows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel....Human with you. I feel with you." He sighs, pondering his next words.

"I feel alive with you."

And as he turns to me I can see wings sprouting from his back, my eyes gleaming at his beauty as the weight on my back feels relieved.

"I see you in my dreams." I blurt out. "I was never sure but...Now I am."

I get closer to him.

"You shine so brightly, it has to be you."

And he smiles.

"It took you long enough." He holds my hand and it confirms it all.

He was the angel I dreamt about.

"I don't know how, but I know you. And when my collegue told me to care for you instead of her doing it. I was compelled to do it by an unknown force. Call me crazy, but...I, think we've known each other for longer than we think."

And I shake my head, I know what he means. And as I hold his hands, I can swear in the back of my mind everything unlocks.

So I throw myself in his embrace and cry. As she holds me and kisses my temple, I can hear him muttering words I swear I heard him say but not in my time with him awake.

"I've got you."

"I'm here."

"Don't worry (y/n), let it all go."

I don't know when I fell alseep after that, I imagine pretty quickly due to the emotional fatigue. And for once I don't feel cold as I awaken.

Because he's here, on the bed, with me, next to me. And I am in his arms as he is in mine. His gentle breaths caressing my face tell me he is still very much asleep as the moon outside is high up.

It felt like an eternity since I felt this...free? Happy? I don't know how to call it, but I...don't dislike it, at all. I, enjoy it.

And as my heavy eyes slowly bring me back to slumber, I feel Shuntarô's arms tighten around me.

"Well, you only have this paper to sign and you'll be free to go. It's great to see you back on your feet....er foot?"

The desk attending nurse trips on her words near the end of her sentence and I chuckle, dismissing it with a wave of the hand and a smile.

After that night, another two months were spent in the hospital with Chishiya by my side. Since the meteorite situation had calmed down and everything was semi back to normal, he was sent back to his hospital in Shinjuku, only visiting when he could. Our conversations were mostly video calls and texts between shifts.

But he still cared, no matter if he could see me much during his days off or not. And it made me feel lucky that this man, no,

this angel,

could still care so much about lil ole me. Physical therapy was hard. Getting used to both an arm and a leg prosthetic was hard. But I did it, for him, but also for myself. I'd get better, so I can help myself, so I can help him and repay him for all that he has done.

"It's fine, I've learnt to...take it all with humor. Don't feel the need to walk on eggshells with me."

The nurse giggles and nods. "And it's good to see that. You've done a good job, and you've come a long way! We're all proud of you at the hospital."

I smile, getting misty eyed at the kind words. The nurse proposes a handshake and I take it, hugging her after it and thanking her for her hard work on my, less than optimal case.

As I go out and walk across the expanse of the hospital court I reminisce about the last four months. They were hard but...With Chishiya by my side they weren't bad. Not at all even.

The heavy rain was finally stopping and the sun could be seen from behind the clearing clouds as birds chirped in the crisp autumn air.

"Hey (y/n)." He was there, waiting for me at the entrance, still in his scrubs, he probably ran towards here after his shift and didn't bother to change.

His hair was messy, his face red, and his eyes scrunched as he smiled brightly.

"Did you wait for long?" He shakes his head.

"Nah, just arrived, had enough time to take my breath back."

"You look like you ran."

"I did run. Like crazy I might add."

"I can see that." He wacks the back of my head and takes my hand.

"I wanted to welcome you back into life. Tell you I'm proud. And..."

He chokes a bit, his cheeks reddening to even his neck and upper chest as well as ears.

"I wanted to ask you on a date, right now, it's halloween and it's gonna be lively! It'll do you good, and you have me so don't worry!"

He stammers as he looks straight ahead, and it was my own time to blush, my hand gripping his tight as

"It almost sounds like a farewell party Shun. You ain't trying to get rid of me are you?" I elbow him in the ribs and he laughs.

As he turns towards me, a soft smile on his face, a rainbow appeared behind him due to the sun finally being freed from its confines. And his halo shined the brightest it ever had as his wings glowed from the last of the raindrops falling. The streets, covered in reddened leaves, made his white feathers, hair and coat look all the brighter as he utters the words that made me realize how far I had fallen for him.

"I'd never do that. The world can't keep me from you, not again. I'll stay an eternity or two with you if you'll allow me."

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 30 (NEW)

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Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

“If you ever feel like stuff gets too much you can come to me and I’ll try my best to make time and help you, Does that sound good to you?”

He was silent for a bit and I worried if he even heard me but before I could repeat he finally spoke.

“That- you don’t have to do that, i can- i can deal with this myself”

He was clearly apprehensive about the offer and trying to disappear in one of the folds of my pouch.

“Well yeah, I guess so, but you don’t Have to deal with this alone.

Look, I’ve lived a majority of my life alone and I can tell you that needing help isn’t a bad thing, hell I would have loved to have had help sometimes.

I know what it’s like dealing with stuff alone and I think it sucks, Nobody should have to be alone when they need help.

Besides, I’m just offering you that if you do need help you can come to me and I’ll do my best to help and make time for you.

And now that we are at the castle i doubt i’ll have much to do anyway”

I patiently waited for his response, he didn’t HAVE to answer now though, He could take as much time as he needed.

And for whatever Reason, which I was going to blame the Ardua Bracelet on, being able to protect him like this felt right.

While he was there nothing could get to him unless it got through me first, literally.

And there was no way a spider could sneak in, so he didn’t have to worry about his phobia either.

He could just, relax and let someone else do everything, maybe that’s exactly what he had needed.

“Donovan? I don’t think i have enough brainpower to think about that today, Is it okay if I answer some other time?”

“Of course, take as much time as you need, i’m not going anywhere, at least not without you”

Adding a bit of humor at the end wouldn’t hurt right?

Besides he wasn’t feeling the best right now so maybe it would cheer him up a little bit at least.

He just snuggled deeper into my pouch and i had to keep from emitting a pleased hum, man, fuck those Ardua instincts.

This was NOT about me right now!

This was to help Robin, nothing else.

I carefully positioned myself so that my Pouch was shielded from all sides by my limbs and only my back and head were exposed to the night air.

This pose did have a lot of similarities to the loaf form I had taken earlier that day.

Now nothing could get to him, not even near him without me knowing.

Though, my self control really was being tested today wasn’t it?

For whatever godforsaken reason Robin had started rubbing the inside of my pouch, likely spaced out again even if I couldn’t see him.

The sensation practically made me melt like warm butter and I had to really fight to keep from letting out a delighted hum.

I did not want to startle him with a random sound, not when he finally wasn’t trembling anymore.

Instead I just froze on the spot, not moving aside from my tail swinging from side to side.

Then he started to knead into the walls even more.

************************************************************************

Robin had been right, this was helping.

He was just lying in a soft and dim room where the only noises he could hear, aside from Donovan speaking,

were the rhythmic whooshing of the lungs that somehow reminded him of a distant breeze through trees and the steadily thumping Heart that sent blood to every part of the Arduas body.

It was strangely soothing to be surrounded by something alive that had promised to never hurt him and listen to the muted sounds his body made just by being alive.

He briefly wondered why he had two hearts if only one was doing its job already so well, but he was a hybrid so things probably didn’t have to make sense.

And for some reason he actually felt safe in here, logically he shouldn’t, He knew that, but he also knew Donovan wouldn’t hurt him.

He’d promised that back when they were still in the forest, and he doubted he’d break that promise.

He was half Fae, and Fae was bound to their promises.

Somehow he didn’t think that the Fae thing was what made him keep this promise.

And after his… outburst, his energy was sapped, The soft and warm walls didn’t help that either.

He was more comfortable than he’d been in, well, ever, and the texture of the walls was like silk, if silk was even smoother and slightly damp.

Not that he minded that, at all.

And it was so, so soft.

Robin couldn’t help leaning into them and rubbing his hands over the surroundings just to feel how his fingers went over the smooth walls.

The texture really was like the smoothest silk had ever touched, if not better, so he steadily moved his hands over it from left to right, As well as up and down.

That got a reaction, the walls around him twitched in surprise for a second.

Robin huffed and rubbed at the wall again, causing the room around him to rumble and a new sound to surround him.

Donovan was purring… That was kind of adorable.

Encouraged by that nice sound that made his bones thrum, Robin pressed his hand to the wall and started rubbing in a circular motion, now with both hands, turning Donovan’s stilted vocalization into a steady purr.

Should he mention it?

They were all new to this, maybe it was something he wanted to know?

Besides, the sound was relaxing and made his bones buzz slightly.

He liked the sound, Donovan really was like a big cat in his Ardua form.

He decided to mention it and tell him that he liked the sound.

“You are purring”

************************************************************************

“You are purring”

What? What did the little ginger mean? I wasn’t a cat, I couldn’t purr, What was he talking about?

“No im not”

But even as i said this i became aware of the fact that there was a sound that DID sound a lot like purring, and the sound was coming from me.

“Yes you are,you’re doing it right now!”

He yawned as he said this and resumed kneading his tiny hands into the walls.

Damnit.

I really should ask Oakley if I could take a look at the book he mentioned.

“Go sleep already, i can tell you’re tired, and you just had kind of a bad time you should rest”

He yawned again and snuggled into one of the walls of my pouch.

“Hmmkay, i do like the purring though, its relaxing”

He did? Well, since there was no one else around I guessed I could just continue?

If the sound was calming for him maybe it’d help?

While I doubted that he was still shaken from his earlier panic, having some soothing background noise would probably be nice for him.

And I had to admit that this was actually pretty comfortable, somehow.

I was still lying on a rock outside at night while I had a living breathing human person IN my pouch.

Though while he was sleepily snuggled up in one of the folds of my pouch he was still absent mindedly running his hands over the flesh there.

Yeah, continuing to purr was not a problem like this.

Though he went slower and slower, likely falling asleep.

And somehow this was relaxing enough that I also got tired.

Well, it had been a long day, a weird one too, Now it was time for some peace and quiet, Fuck knew both of us needed that after the weird weeks we had.

I yawned and then felt Robin roll over, sleepily mumbling something and then curling up.

While I was kind of disappointed that the internal massage stopped, I was glad that he finally fell asleep, It was late and I knew he was not a morning person.

My own eyelids growing heavy, I let my head dip down to rest on the ground,

using one of my paws as a pillow and falling asleep content with the knowledge that my Friend was safe, even from his own fears.

At some point during the night I was briefly awoken by a rustling sound.

What now? I was tired, whoever this was could pester me with their bullshit tomorrow!

Still, I should probably make sure that this wasn’t a threat.

Looking over to where the sound came from I could see another silhouette stumbling over some bushes.

Oh, wait, in the dim moonlight I could actually see who it was after my eyes had adjusted.

It was Arthur, and he was stumbling his way over to me.

Man his eyes must have not adapted to the dark with how he kept bumping into things, then again it might be possible that Ardua just had better night vision.

Then he walked past me towards the cliff.

Oh fuck no.

I stood up as fast as I could while still being mindful of my worn out passenger.

I managed to snag the back of his shirt with a claw before he just walked off of the cliff.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Then I noticed it.

His face was flushed pink, like a lot so, he must have had a few too many alcoholic beverages.

Goddamnit, I knew what I was doing when I avoided anything alcoholic.

And it was a good thing that i had been out here and woken up when i heard him.

He could be dead by now, impaled by one of the spikes or drowned in the ocean far below.

That was a very frightening thought, one I did not dare entertain further.

But fucking hell, how much did he have intus?

Well, i’d say not my problem but apparently it was now since it was clear he did not know what he was doing.

I’d better make sure he would not run off again, or worse, and potentially kill himself.

I used a claw to hook his shirt and drag him back to the spot I had been in before but he wiggled out of it with some slurred speech that I had no hope of understanding.

Well, the hard way it was then, I grabbed the back of his shirt with my teeth and dragged him like that.

I did not plan on swallowing him though, he’d only disturb Robin and that was the last thing I wanted.

Speaking of the ginger, I could feel him sleepily shifting and hoped he wouldn’t wake up.

Also he was drunk as fuck, that could be actually dangerous, for both of us as he could injure someone.

Also I doubted he’d appreciate that.

So I carried him by the scruff like a kitten and went back to settling where I was before.

I carefully set him down between my arms and made sure he could not escape, but instead of trying to get out and leave he just settled in the crook of my arm which I had previously used as a pillow.

He was just lying there but before I could ask him anything he shoved a hand against the side of my head and slurred out something barely coherent.

“No, shut up”

Well, i didn’t mind him there, but if he puked on me or disturbed Robin somehow i would put him in a tree.

But I did hope that this was it for nightly disturbances, I needed sleep too.

Settling my head on my arm again I made sure that Arthur couldn’t just get up and wander off.

I did not want him falling of the cliff in his intoxicated state, that would be horrible.

And he kind of already tried to do that sooo, this was for the better.

Checking one last time that he wouldn’t wander off and that Robin was still comfortable in my pouch I rested my head and finally went back to sleep.

And if someone else decided they would wake me in the middle of the night I would chuck them through a castle window.

Luckily I was not disturbed again and could just sleep through the night and into the morning where I got woken by a very confused Arthur who did not remember how he got there.

Yeah, this was gonna be fun.

And now I actually had friends.

Friends that did not mind me being a weird shape shifting Fae Bastard.

Though the fact that I could eat people was probably not something we would talk about, aside from Robin maybe.

But the little rusthead did end up taking my offer of helping when he had a bad brain day.

From this point onward things could only get better, and as soon as Rikaad found that stupid paperwork I could also go to the city and explore without being immediately executed.

I’d wait for a few weeks though, just to be sure that everyone got the memo.

But it was nice to finally know that things would get better, and not just for me, with Rikaad as king it would get better for everyone.

Yeah, I was looking forward to that future.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a week now since we had started living at the castle, and the protruding rock on the cliffside had quickly become one of my favorite places.

It was a nice sunspot too, as confirmed by a cat that had showed up sometime and then refused to leave.

I liked the cat, it somehow had no fear of me and even tried to groom my fur.

At some point I even followed it for an entire day as lots of people had said I looked cat like I thought I’d go and see what an actual cat did all day, That had been fun, and now I had a feline friend that sometimes showed up and tried to clean my fur.

While i had spent time with the cat Rikaad had found the papers that dictated how much taxes had to be paid by the citizens.

He was righteously angry at finding out that the wealthy people only had to pay two percent taxes while the poorer people had to pay up to ten or even more.

He immediately put it at five percent for everyone as he thought that rich people should not have to pay less than poor people who sometimes couldn’t even afford to eat, In the end he made it so that everyone had to pay the same percentage.

In his words everyone was worth the same, and that poorer people had to pay for everything while the rich just kept getting richer was not fair.

Of course some of the rich fucks complained while the rest of the citizens cheered.

He then told the rich fucks that complained that they could leave if they wanted, but they had to leave their stuff behind and were not allowed to take what was considered ‘kingdom property’ whatever the fuck that meant.

Sometime after that the funeral for the old king was held, almost nobody attended and i had stayed behind with Robin while Rikaad and Arthur went even if they didn’t really want to.

To be completely honest I really hadn’t wanted to see the corpse of the old git that was majorly responsible for a lot of Misery, and not just my own at that.

Instead I had Worked to renovate the shed for my Ardua form with Robin, that had been fun.

Another day I had helped Barsen out in the garden. 

He had asked for help in uprooting a tree that had rotted from inside out and was a safety hazard as it was near a frequently used pathway and could fall on someone.

I had ended up dragging the thing that was longer than I was tall to one of the walls where it was out of the way, maybe they’d use it as firewood sometime.

And best of all was that now that it was warm again all the flowers had come back in full bloom.

I could only applaud Barsen as the Garden looked absolutely stunning with all the colors.

And Robin made flower crowns with whatever he was allowed to pluck, which meant he befriended Barsen on the basis of talking about plants.

Barsen had even complimented Robin’s name as apparently he was named after his favorite bird which I found a funny coincidence.

While there were a lot of flowers in the garden, not a lot of them were blue simply due to the fact the old king had not liked the color, maybe because it reminded him of Maringand.

But there was one place where i had seen a speck of blue petals, Which led to where I was now.

Standing in front of the cliff near the rock and looking at the spike with the tree on it.

I could see something blue right next to it and I wanted to get it.

Not for me of course, but I wanted to get them for Robin so he could make a blue flower crown.

He said he wanted to, so I’d try and make it possible.

“Mrow?”

At the sound I looked to my right where a cream colored cat with rusty ‘boots’ and tail sat, She was looking as disapproving as a cat could.

“Don’t look at me like that, i know this is a bad idea, but i want to do something nice for my friend”

She just blinked and then walked away, clearly signifying ‘not my problem’.

Eh, whatever, it would be fine, I had practiced jumping just for this and I wanted to get to the flowers before they wilted.

I didn’t even know what kind they were so it was possible that they wouldn’t bloom for long.

Taking a few more steps back until I felt a tree behind me, I made myself ready to sprint like I had learned from the cat.

We should find her a name sometime.

Before I could start to sprint though I was interrupted by a now familiar voice.

“What are you planning to do?”

I looked over to Barsen and saw him standing there with a broken wheelbarrow on his shoulder, he really should get that replaced.

“You already know that anyway, ’m trying to get to the spike with the tree and get those blue plants”

“if you are sure you can jump that far, just make sure to be careful, and bring me a few with roots while you’re at it, i might be able to plant them somewhere safer”

I nodded at him and he carried on with whatever he was doing, hopefully finally bringing that wheelbarrow to get repaired as he had it like that since i’ve known him.

Making sure there was nothing in the way, I readied my muscles and pelted over the ground towards the abyss that was the end of the cliff and jumped at the last moment, feeling the edge crumble under me, and near flying through the air towards the spike with the tree.

I landed perfectly with all four legs on the little island right next to the tree.

The flat top of the spike itself was shaped like a malformed and bent teardrop with the tree in the larger part of it.

But now that I was finally here I could see all the blue flowers, They were bluebells, pretty big ones too.

Robin would love these, so I shifted back into my human form and plucked as many as I could, half of them with the roots still attached like Barsen had requested.

I still left a sizable patch of them so they could regrow next year.

Gathering the flowers in a bundle I went a few steps away to shift back into Ardua form.

As soon as I did that i encountered a problem though, I had brought nothing to carry the flowers, maybe the cat had been right about looking at me like that.

Well, maybe I could carry them in my mouth?

I’ve carried stuff like that before and as long as I was careful not to squish them it should be fine, right?

Welp, only one way to find out, so i put them in my mouth and went to the edge of the spike opposite from the cliff face to get as much runway as i could.

Making sure that I wouldn’t squish the flowers I ran across the limited space and jumped back to the cliff.

Landing with my forelegs on the cliff I tried to heave myself up before the rest of my body followed and failed as my hind legs tried to find purchase on nothing and almost fell down till I could put my claws into the wall of the cliff and hold on like that.

Well, that was really fucking close.

Climbing up the little distance I had slid down I was back onto solid ground.

Only to have the cat stare at me.

I just looked at her with an annoyed expression and walked past her, making sure not to step on her, she really was tiny compared to me so i had no idea why she wasn’t afraid of me.

Well, at least I didn’t have to worry about spooking her on accident with my size as long as I was careful.

Now to bring these plants where they belonged, carefully getting them out of my mouth I shrank back into human form,

sorting the flowers by which ones had roots or not.

Finding Robin was easy, There weren’t many spots he hung out and I knew for a fact that he was currently at Oakleys tower planting some herbs that he found out the winged man liked.

No idea how he managed to though.

Oakley himself wasn’t there at the moment as he was busy sorting through his old stuff in the run down hut he lived in before, throwing everything he didn’t need away and bringing the useful stuff here.

Yep, there he was, making a little space for Oakleys plants and pouring new dirt in a neatly stone enclosed patch.

“Robin! Hey! Looks good, i bet Oakley is gonna love it”

He turned his head to me and I could see a very big grin on his slightly smudged face, he probably scratched his nose with his dirt stained fingers.

“You think so? Oh wait, where did you get those?”

He had jumped up as soon as he saw the bluebells I was carrying and I held a bundle upside down in his direction which he gladly took only to sit down and immediately weave them into crowns.

Yep, as expected, and judging by the wide smile on his face he was very happy about finally having some blue ones to work with.

“Where did you find those? Did you go out and search for them?”

Of course, he HAD to ask, and now i had to tell him that i jumped over the cliff to that spike.

I couldn’t lie after all, but maybe I could omit a few things.

“I got them from that spike with the tree, but don’t worry i practiced jumping and as you can see im fine”

I would not tell him that I almost slid off when jumping back.

“If you are sure, but you don’t have to do something so dangerous for me!”

“Eh Barsen wanted some too, with roots of course, see?”

I held up the bundle that had the roots still attached.

“Oh, that’s nice, but maybe you should bring them to him before they dry out and wilt?”

Looking at the flowers he was probably right, some of them had bent a little too much while I had transported them and I had no idea which ones were good to replant and which ones weren’t.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[semperreformanda]

life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me 🙂🤠

[kaiannae]

Life update (in lack of Starling update)

So, I think I would like to avoid another "going dark" episode like the one from the last two-three months. That one was because of war, and war is still very much present, but at the moment, my lack of writing is mostly due to other matters. CW Cat Medical Stuff: I have a cat. My mother is his human, but I take care of him and I love him very much. Unfortunately, he started feeling unwell two weeks ago on monday morning. He hid all sunday night, he wouldn't eat all day, he was not moving from his hidey hole, I was worried. I called the vet monday evening after confirming he was feeling worse and worse, and was instructed to give first aid painkillers and bring him the next morning. Since then, its been an ordeal of unclear diagnosis. Obvious infection without a source. My vet is very professional, but even after hospitalizing him for close care, going through multiple in-depth tests and giving him broad antibiotics, he wouldn't eat, while the tests were showing nothing but a sourceeless infection. Eventually I was sent with him to a vet hospital to do a specialized ultrasound. That too showed inconclusive results but there were enough findings to make my vet press for an abdominal operation. Its very lucky that they did, and very lucky that they insisted on doing it that same eveing. Turns out the poor thing had a gall bladder infection, which did not show in blood tests or ultrasound, and somewhere in the few hours between the last ultrasound and the operation the gall ate a hole in his stomach and it was leaking into his abdoman. The operation saved him in the nick of time, though it was touch and go for a couple of days. It is now the third day of him being back at home, he has a feeding tube and has to be tube fed 6 times a day. He also gets 9 types of meds, some of which need to be taken with food, some away from food, so I am his home nurse for the next two weeks at least, that assuming he'll keep improving. END CW Cat Medical Stuff. And as if to add insult to injury, I've been feeling ill since the begining of this week, and after testing negative at first, I am now positive for COVID and feeling it heavily. In fact, my mother now has COVID too and she needs care as well. So to summarise, I hardly have time to sleep, so investing myself in the angsty Bren and Fairy PoV enough to write is not really working right now. I must focus on taking care of parent and cat, and though I don't know how much the vet bill is yet (still pending on that) I do know its going to be in the several thousands, so I must focus on that as well. (Sadly, if you don't have pet insurance, any intensive care or test costs a fortune here.) So, please stay tuned as I try to restore some order to my life and calm things down a bit. The wizards are still very much on my mind, in fact, they are one of the things keeping me sane at the moment. If you like my writing and would like to tip me on Ko-fi, there's a link in the header of my page, or you can just search Kaiannae. (sadly I hardly uderstand Kofi, but I know the page works. I intended to make an actual content page there but never got the time with everything that's happened in the last few months.) It would all go towards bills and would be very much appreciated. Also, if you'd like to see or have an idea for a short oneshot you always wanted to see with the wizards, Starling AU or just Shadowgast, feel free to toss them in my direction. I might not be able to invest myself in my main writing right now, but I might be able to do a short thing as I wait for feeding times to post seperately for ya'll, especially night feeding times... Again, I apologize for the wait. Please stay tuned.

[7rashstar]

i didn’t rly sleep last night yap sesh below the cut

missed mayday festivities because i am debilitatingly socially anxious but then went camping for a friends bday and felt refreshed by being able to see soooo many stars and be outside…(and go on the most extreme hike of my life dude omfg)

while we were camping my digi cam fell out of my pocket when i laid on the ground to look at the sky and stars and it stormed that night and my camera got destroyed. hoping the sd card is salvageable..

creepy had hella ticks on him (including one thats head got stuck in his uhh..wiener lol) went to the vet got em removed in total there were 8 (!!) that we found. he has so much fur man idk there could be some more on him but at least they’d be dead atp because i ALSO finally got a flea tick preventative that he can take monthly. it’s been impossible to get a vet appointment anywhere, especially at the clinic i’ve been taking him to since he was a bb. praying he didn’t contract anything from the ticks…we’ll get a blood test sometime in september-december

bestie soup told me u could see the northern lights in the city last night + they sent me some pics but i pulled a leg muscle skating n it hurt too bad to waddle over to the overpass (plus there’s been several shootings in my neighborhood the past couple weeks outside my building so i don’t rly like going out at night rn anyway)

yesterday oomf texted the gc n said a friend of a friend asked him where to listen to my music online bc they loved my set :’)) the last time i played a show was the beginning of march!!!! that made me feel rly good so now i have more incentive to finally upload things to soundcloud again. might work on that later today…like. might,…finally post something

he said he sent them a link to my old bandcamp and i forgot i never deleted my music there i only scrubbed my sc so i went over n listened to what i posted. it was kinda cute. in 2020 i started using ableton for the first time consistently and actually tried to figure out how to make stuff w it so everything f from that time is like. ahh. i’d do that so different now!! but at the time i was so proud of myself and that makes me feel kinda fuzzy (in a good way) like noticeable artistic growth yanno? n also knowing that version of myself who was constantly suffering and seeking an End still felt excited abt what i was making. it’s cute. my old self is someone ive made peace w and hold close to my heart in the ‘it’s different now and it’s Awesome’ way like fuck yea lil buddy you got clean and made it out alive. that’s sick

some of my old music goes hard asf too tho. a lot of unreleased stuff on my google drive i dug thru after listening to my bandcamp i don’t even rly remember making but i was like :0 !!

i was up until 5:30am working on a flyer !! i wanna make more flyers!! i miss making flyers. i’m outta practice and using procreate bc i don’t have photoshop anymore so still a newbie on the program front but i think. i did a good job and it looks cool so that’s nice

i rly wanna skate but my leg hurts i feel like that spongebob guy