#at least I’m posting two things in the same month that’s progress

[hollytree33]

Finally got around to painting my Inquisitor, Shivana

[lueurjun]

- ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ 𝗃𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗇𝖾𝗋𝖽𝗒 𝖻𝗈𝗒𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽

⋮ — 𝗇𝖾𝗋𝖽𝗒! 𝖻𝗈𝗒𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗃𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗑 𝗉𝗈𝗉𝗎𝗅𝖺𝗋! 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗉𝖾: 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗃𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗌 𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗒.

note from lueurjun—i decided to take the other one down because i made a mistake. hopefully this one is better for you my love! — kinda long very sorry about that i got carried away

let’s start by saying jake is as terrified of you as he is smitten by you

he’s got this massive crush on you that started when you lent him a pencil in chemistry

the moment you passed it to him with fluttered lashes and a soft smile

BRO WAS GONE. DONE. DEAD.

you were singlehandedly the most attractive being he had ever had the pleasure of setting eyes on

and so from there he harboured a crush on you

but would admire you from afar because how the hell was he supposed to talk to you?

you were the most popular person on campus with friends in every class and admirers lurking around every corner

and he was just… jake

unbeknownst to him, you shared the exact same feelings

but thought he was unapproachable because he was always in a hurry to get to his next class and whilst he was friendly, he just didn’t seem like the type to entertain a crush

so you ignored each other

my favourite little dumb dumbs<3

at least you have one thing in common: you’re both terribly oblivious

it isn’t until you need help with chemistry

and your friend sunghoon (who is also jake’s friend) recommends him

wingman sunghoon because he can’t listen to jake cry about the way the sunlight kisses your skin in all the right places

and if he has to watch you drool over the back of jake’s head one more time he’s going to have to bash his head against a wall

SUNGHOON CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

he’s weirdly desperate for you to ask jake so, you bite down on your nerves and you approach him

poor jake almost chokes on his own tongue

‘hey jake, i’m y/n. we have chemistry’

‘w-you think so?’

‘what?’

‘what?’

cue sunghoon slamming a book against his head whilst watching the interaction from down the hall whilst jay covers his face in pure disbelief

however all three of them (including jake) are shocked that you didn’t walk away and ask someone else but actually… laughed?

and then called him cute? jake almost fainted on the spot

thankfully he recovers and agrees to help you out

sunghoon is a sneaky man so before you leave for the library, he slides a post it note into your chemistry notes when you aren’t looking

it reads: ‘will you go on a date with me?’

and jake sees it the moment you open the book

you’re mortified but you don’t scrunch up the post it?

instead, you muster up all of the confidence and look at jake for an answer

boy falls off his chair

no like seriously he falls out of his seat in pure shock

‘jake are you okay?’

‘just peachy please leave me here. this is embarrassing and i don’t want to get up’

when he finally does get up he’s very quick to accept the date

you both leave the library that day with blushy faces and new progress in your relationship

from then on sunghoon makes it his life’s work to remind you both that he’s the reason for your relationship

it’s been eight months and he still brings it up

‘put some respect on the matchmakers name. if it wasn’t for me the two of you would be knee deep in platonic town’

he’s not wrong though

boyfriend jake is still terrified of you

purely because you are just so loved by everyone and it’s quite daunting because it’s like you’re some kind of angel

he’s the best boyfriend though

if you do some kind of sport, he’s always there to cheer you on

and he’s the loudest in the stands

i can actually see jake being on a debate team for some reason and you think it’s the hottest thing ever

it gets you all hot and bothered sometimes

you drag sunghoon with you and he’s always just like ‘seriously? this is what you’re into?? are you okay??’

but you’re not even listening to him, far too focused on jake with a pink tint to your cheeks

jake gives off major golden retriever energy

always has this puppy dog look whenever he’s talking to you and sometimes you can’t stop yourself from caressing his cheeks and planting the biggest kiss on his lips

which always makes him blush

everyone on campus still can’t believe the two of you are dating

it was such a weird dynamic at first but slowly people started to really ship it

you with your halo above your head saying hi to everyone you see whilst your golden retriever boyfriend follows after you with major heart eyes

the cutest little couple i love you both pls invite me to your wedding

jake definitely purchased matching rings but was scared to give you yours in case you thought he was weird

you found it in his pocket of the hoodie he lent you and you absolutely fell in love

it becomes your personality and you show it to everyone with no shame

‘check it. my boyfriend bought us matching rings isn’t he perfect?’

‘you’ve shown me eight times. if i see it one more time i’m yanking it off your finger’

^ jay might be a little bitter that jake got a partner before him

you slip little love notes and hearts into his chemistry books and he saves them in a little box and reads them when he’s sad

cuddles galore. this man is the affection monster

not that you’re complaining but sometimes your bladder is too full to have a huge puppy weighing you down refusing to let go

‘jake-i need to pee!’

‘no’

he always helps you with your homework which is a huge bonus

and you help him let loose and relax

you balance each other out and are exactly what each other needs

his parents adore you

‘marry them. marry them now’

jake smirks and turns to you ‘well you heard them! parents orders, have to marry you!’

kissing his cheek when he’s stressed out about school work and suddenly all faith is restored

your lips are like caffeine to him

and honestly, he’s addicted

‘have i ever told you how much i love you?’

‘hm. once or twice but i don’t mind hearing it again’

my favourite little dummies in love<3

[bleue-flora]

tbh to me c!sapnap is on the same level of betraying c!dream as c!sam. It may seem far-fetched considering what c!sam did and considering we don't have much real lore content with c!sapnap or c!dreamnap, but when you look at what we DO have, it's kind of a picture

like, he's not just some stupid or short-sighted character, as it might seem at first glance - we have a ton of evidence that he understands perfectly well that prison makes c!dream physically and mentally ill, but he agrees with it. In the dialogue with c!michael he literally says "dream fucked up, prison fucked him up in another sense, but it doesn't matter, cause dream has to get better and become *my* dream again, let him stay in prison and improve, even if it breaks him idc", like wtf is this? funny, but at the same time, c!sapnap doesn't visit dream more than once, how will he know that c!dream is making progress? In c!sapnap's head, prison is supposed to be a rehabilitation for c!dream, only no one checks his progress in stopping being a "fucked up", he either sits there completely alone or people go there to hurt him and c!sapnap understands and acknowledged it, but he doesn't give a shit. I'm sorry, but this gives off sam's "I thought I broke his will to do something like that". He obviously doesn't care about c!dream and just wants his good old *convenient* friend, and he doesn't care about the consequences.

But he's not just passively harming c!dream, he's doing it actively. If the threat could still be interpreted as an emotional outburst, something he could say and regret, then his other actions clearly say the opposite. Like, the dude literally stalked and harassed c!dream for months after he found out where he lived??

The revival book was more important to him than torture. Even in the beginning, he didn't care about c!dream's reputation, when c!wilbur and c!tommy dragged it into the dirt for no reason, and he repeatedly went against c!dream or supported things that directly harmed c!dream. For me, one of the most telling scenes is c!sapnap and c!george's meeting with mexican dream's ghost, where c!sapnap, without any reason, pins the explosion of El Rapids on c!dream, and then, when he finds out that actually c!quackity was the one who did it, c!sapnap immediately says that they urgently need to go and find out why he did it, to check if he's okay and all that. This is literally the attitude you'd expect from c!tommy, to attribute every bad event to c!dream, but no, this is his so-called best friend! And of course, he only wants to know the reasons for an action when someone else does a bad action, but not c!dream - well, of course, cause it's clear that c!dream reasons are "being evil" or smth.

So, I've been in my c!sapnap hate arc for over two years now and you all should join me lmao

I didn't think I'd write SO much, but emotions took over after reading the new chapter of your fic and some of your posts, sorry abt that :"^

[context a & b]

Honestly, in my opinion his betrayal is almost worse than Sam’s, which is saying something since he literally enabled and facilitated daily torture. But like Sam wasn’t Dream’s self proclaimed brother, and at least Sam’s delusion kinda makes sense. Sapnap is just like - the chicken tastes rubbery and overcooked, so I put it in the oven and then it tasted burnt, so I put it back in the oven to help the taste and at some point I’ll take it out of the oven and then it’ll taste good again. No idea how long that’ll take, and no don’t be ridiculous I’m not gonna check on it. I swear though if anyone touches my chicken before it tastes good again like so much as removes it from the oven or seasons it I’m gonna throw it in the trash… vs Sam who’s like - the chicken tastes rubbery but I spent money on it so I’m gonna put it in the oven and turn it to charcoal so at least then it won’t be a complete waste…

ya know? Like at least Sam was corrupted by power, financial benefit, manipulated a bit, and had the blood of a “child” on his hands. Sapnap doesn’t even have that, he has a life long best friend who he heard made a speech about not caring about anything and then later a speech about wanting to control everyone, a fish in a item frame and a letter saying “thanks for visiting”…

Well I don’t know about the “even if it breaks him” I don’t think he is thinking that directing about Dream’s suffering if that makes sense, but Sapnap is delusional no doubt. I also don’t know if he even cares that much about the book in general, he just doesn’t seem to given a damn about the torture. He seems to really just be about the fear of what Dream might do and how he needs to be stopped before that.

And you do have a point, in the beginning even as his “brother” he on many occasions went against him, down to the very first disc war where they killed him multiple times. I mean if Sapnap weren’t American, he’d have probably been right alongside clingy duo in L’manberg and stuff… oh I had no idea about the El Rapids thing but am also not surprised…

What do you even mean, I am literally an engineer of this Sapnap hate train 🚂 choo choo! I be shoveling coal to keep this engine running ya know. like literally the more lore I watch the more he actually just kills me.

but anyways, I mean you read the chapter (and presumably the one before) so you know my thoughts on Sapnap lol. ;D

[bluemoonpunch]

⭐The Elemental Alignment of Jung Hoseok (2024) - Oracle Reading

[The Elemental Alignment of Jung Hoseok, born February 18, 1994 — Aquarius. This spread is an original design by me. This reading lasted 2 hours.]

Reading Performed: October 15, 2024

Posted: October 22, 2024

Since Hoseok has just left the military, it is time for a new Elemental Alignment reading to see his new standing and how things are settling in for him now. This was a really exciting one to do as a lot of it, at the time, seemed to build up toward the Full Moon in Aries (October 17), which was the day he was let out. There’s a lot of stimulation, a lot of excitement toward getting back out into the world, but a suggested or desired effort toward balancing between personal comfort and outside communication and work with other people.

The set above is split down the middle by Clean It Up, and from there, the surrounding cards mirror each other end to end. First, The Warrior mirrors the Full Moon in Aries card at the end, both holding the images of horned animals and really pushing that sense of focused action and conscious/physical level readiness and exertion. Following that, Passion leans over into the Elephant Spirit where it feels like an extension of The Warrior/Full Moon in Aries, but higher up, more centered in the soul or his higher energy. This shows that on both levels, physical and energetic, he is very amped up and ready to go. I know he said he was already packed and ready to leave a month beforehand, so I’m sure this eagerness is quite palpable for him.

Mother Earth is then reflected by The Empress, both of which are very steady and stable energies, and seem to be more focused on work and engaging with the world again. The 2 of Wands sits underneath The Empress showing more of that Fire energy from the previous two sets, that passion and excitement, being tempered and planned out a bit more on his end. I feel like he’s aware on some level of his cycles of high and low energy, and I feel like he’s deliberately trying to pace himself there under The Empress, but his vision and excitement is still quite high for what is to come and what he wants to do, short term and long term.

The next set that follows Mother Earth has three cards — Mars, Second House, and Third House. Again, this Mars energy rolls in with that Aries, Warrior, and Passion energy, the Fire energy is very strong and suggests quite a lot of stimulation that is very familiar for him, and for me as someone who has done readings for him plenty of times in the past. But again, there’s a noticeable effort to temper this energy and not do too much too soon, or too fast. With Mars, there is an effort to balance between the 2nd and 3rd House, between personal comfort and stability, a more self-focused state, and a more externalized, communicative, space of activity. This is then reflected in Negotiation, with the effort to balance the Sun and Moon being the most prominent part here, effort to maintain a stable balance between the internal and external world.

You can imagine Hoseok, at least upon his release, as the 2 of Pentacles, but rather than juggling Pentacles with Water flowing in the background, he’s juggling Fire with lava flowing in the background.

Current Core State: Hawk — Air

Higher Self Core State: Bee — Air

Hoseok’s current state of core energy is represented by the Hawk which combines aspects of Air and Fire together to create a very stimulated and illuminated system of movement, observation, and communication. The Higher Self, however, is trying to calm that energy into the state of the Bee. It’s the same Air, the same direction, same kind of movement and progression, but the Fire energy is way more toned down. Rather than being bright red, burning hot, to the point where the dark part of the image feel like soot or ash, the Bee carries illumination and a comfort within the idea that as the Bee moves just a bit slower, it is able to see more and therefore able to navigate a little better without worry of getting lost or too tired.

Water Alignment: Gazelle — Fire (rev.)

This is entirely centered around his energy at the moment where Fire is quite a dominant force, but in a way that he is actively trying to subdue or filter to a degree. The combination of imbalanced (reversed) Fire energy in the space of Water suggests risk of boiling over in the energetic and emotional spaces, there’s a risk of burn out right out of the gate, which is something he’s trying to avoid. It’s quite a personal conflict between wanting to do everything, wanting to do absolutely nothing, and knowing for a fact that neither of those things on their own are going to end well. Balance is very much required here, especially as these are the inner, personal foundations. Efforts with Negotiation, the balance between the Sun and the Moon, between the external and internal spaces would start here. 

The Gazelle on its own does represent hypervigilance and being overstimulated by or heavily influenced or distracted by your surroundings. As the Gazelle is prey, its natural instincts leave it very overly aware of everything going on around it, constantly tensed up and straining around a constant urge to run.

Fire Alignment: Bat — Air (rev.)

The Fire Alignment, the space of passion, energy, and action, is in the same state as the Water Alignment, with an imbalanced energy causing somewhat of an overstimulation of the energy. The Air here fuels the Fire beyond the point of containment and I was seeing this as throwing off the Bat’s natural cycles. Bats are nocturnal, they begin to hunt at night, but I was seeing this as the Bat being so eager to hunt that it doesn’t sleep through the day and heads out while the Sun is still up. Because of this, it blinds itself in the light and it becomes exhausted, falling out of the sky due to the light, the heat, and a sudden drop in energy.

The influence of Air does show that it’s a matter of the mind that is both stimulating and tempering this Fire energy, a battle of the mind, which is well represented in Negotiation and the focus on self and other.

Earth Alignment: Mouse — Earth

The Earth Alignment is the connection to the external space and can show aspects of groundedness and stability, as well as self-awareness and connection. Here, for Hoseok, this feels very focused on areas or moments of stability. I’m seeing this in a very literal way where the Mouse is representing that these areas or moments are small and in the details. I’m also thinking of the idea of the Mouse being in the walls, or moments of isolation, being alone in the dark, where there really is no outside input and the stimulation is cut off, as an aspect of his stability. 

The colored lights around the Mouse feel like ideas of visions, points of inspiration or energy that is much easier to manage and process when alone, in the dark, in the quiet. However, there is an odd fear or discomfort around this, a hesitancy towards slowing down or taking a break as it feels, similar to the Gazelle, like a matter of prey, a matter of if you stop moving now, you’re dead.

Air Alignment: Frog — Water

This is something I’ve seen for him before in terms of emotional flux and a sense of inner instability that is very at the mercy of his environment alongside his own perception of himself within that environment. The Frog is a very emotionally concentrated figure and it typically refers to emotional overwhelm or emotional purging. In the Air Alignment, this Water energy has the potential of clouding judgment and distorting self-perception and perception of reality. This could contribute to the fear around slowing down or quitting something. 

The conscious level mind is very influenced by the subconscious space here, by darker waters, which really clashes with the vibrant Fire energy that is also present around him. Again, I think the effort toward Negotiation is connected to this, the awareness of this clashing as well as the awareness of how this type of energy and cycle has gone for him before. He seems to be very mindful of this now and is taking easy steps with a mindful eye on his own well-being.

That's all I have for this one, thanks for reading!

Shop / Website (currently down)

[coffincestuous]

every now and then a posts pops up in the tcoaal tags talking about how much they HATE the game and how they don’t see the appeal and everyone who likes it is a digusting, irredeemable person

(here, we can all roll our eyes and block them together)

so, what makes this game so likeable?

well, personally, everything. everything makes it likeable. but that’s not really an answer to those who are determined to Not Like It

mild spoilers ahead!

first, the art!

[id: the main screen art for the game, two scenes, and two sprites of andrew and ashley. the main screen art has andrew and ashley facing each other, holding different kitchen equipment covered in blood. ashley looks happy, while andrew looks apprehensive. behind them is a black coffin with a window, wrapped in chains. the text says “the coffin of andy and leyley” is red.

the first scene depicts them facing a door, with andrew’s hands on the door and ashley’s shoulder. the second scene depicts ashley hugging a reluctant andrew, who is holding the door slightly open. the sprites of andrew and ashley show them smiling. end id.]

the art style is really cute!! it may not be everyone’s Thing, and that’s okay, but i’m a huge fan of the artstyle and the color palette! the designs are recognizable and show us details about the characters that the game doesn’t have to spell out. andrew’s kind of non-haircut, the tag on his sweater, ashley’s clothes, etc. all tell us things about the characters we learn as we progress through the game!!

the colors through the world are muted greys and blacks and off-whites, which clue the player in to the environment really well. the world is dreary!! it’s bleak!! it’s not just the apartment we first meet our characters in, but almost every place we go to as andrew or ashley. there are some splashes of colors, but for the most part, it’s the same dull colors. there’s a reason for that.

[id: the graves’ apartment, featuring the kitchen and living room. end id.]

[id: the graves’ balcony and their neighboring balconies. all of them have furniture and plants and boxes.]

the color palette really sets the tone of the game, and the attitude all of the characters have towards the world, without SAYING “all of the characters have a bleak view of the world.”

second, the plot!

on steam, the description for the game is this:

[id: “Walk-n-talk adventure with light puzzling. Brother and sister practice cannibalism after witnessing a botched satanic ritual.” end id]

from this, we can expect cannibalsm, murder, and possibly demons. probably blood. (definitely blood).

and this:

[id: “Cannibalism and codependency! Caught in an extremely toxic sibling relationship, our awful heroes must survive starvation, as well as each other. How will you escape death and the consequences of your actions?” end id.]

of course, the players and fanbase know there’s more to the game than that.

as far as summaries go, how’s this? “a codependent brother and sister, possibly infected with ‘parasites,’ have been locked in their apartment for months with no food due to an apartment-wide quarantine. while spying on their cultist neighbor, they witness a demon-summoning ritual go wrong, and decide to take advantage of an otherwise hopeless situation. with blood on their hands and no going back, the two are forced to keep covering their tracks as they learn of what’s really going on with the quarantine, and the mysterious world of demons they’ve accidentally uncovered.”

that gives a little more context and a little more incentive to actually play the game. (or at least watch someone play through it. ideally with no commentary. there are several great ones). at the very least, it tells a little more about what to expect from the game going in to it.

as easy as the ‘government organ-harvesting scheme’ is to miss, (and, believe me, i Did miss it the first time i played through) it’s still there, and is one of the biggest motivations for our characters to keep doing what they’re doing. they want to eat, they want out of a needless quarantine, they don’t want to get caught out of their apartment, they don’t want to get caught for the murder or the cannibalsm, etc. each step they take is to get themselves as far away from all of that as they can. together.

that’s interesting!! that’s catching!! the plot is what captured my attention initially!! it’s why i was excited to play the game Myself!! it’s why i’m excited for chapter three!! i want to see where they go from here, what challenges they face, and how they overcome it. i wanted to see where the end of chapter one took them!! if the plot is good, it doesn’t have to be well-written to be enjoyable (although, in my opinion, it is well-written). and it is enjoyable.

third and fourth, the characters! their relationship!

while tcoaal has solid visuals, it’s much more story-driven than gameplay driven. there Is gameplay, and there are puzzles, but most of the game is spent reading dialogue.

as both ashley and andrew, the player goes through the dialogue between the two of them, as well as other characters. we meet mrs. and mr. graves, we meet andrew’s ex-girlfriend in a flashback, we meet demons and cultists and corrupted security guards. but, despite it all, the majority of the dialogue is between andrew and ashley.

obviously, as our protagonists, that’s a given. and, of course, it’s intentional. but, a lot of the people outside of the fanbase don’t seem to realize just how much we see of andrew and ashley. we’re with them constantly, as they are constantly with each other. their back-and-forth banter is fun when it’s fun, and serious when it needs to be. the challenges and changes the two of them go through are shown through their dialogue in chapter two, where the choices start to Matter. we see their dynamic change, for better or for worse, and we see their reactions to that change. there isn’t a physical change to show for decision making (with some exceptions), but we see their thoughts and how they speak to each other change. we see how they act around each other before The Incidents and afterwards.

people also seem to miss the ‘codependent’ part of their relationship, and hardly even look past their disgust at the game to wonder why. (fictional incest is hot AND narratively compelling!)

by playing the game, we learn very quickly that ashley was a “problem child.” she was loud, annoying, mean, and disliked by everyone. everyone. her mother was a teenager when she had both ashley and andrew, and shoved ashley on to andrew to pacify and raise her. it was andrew’s job to be her parent, to teach her right and wrong, to spend time with her, to make sure she ate, to make sure she had friends. he’s only two years older than her, but he’s been the only constant in her life. whether or not he was willing to be there for her, (which he is), he was there. keeping him by her side is what matters most to her, no matter who she has to threaten or what she has to do. she relies on him, as she always has, to stop her from going too far. she relies on him to pacify her when she’s upset or angry, because that’s what he’s always done. she expects him to go along with her whims and expects him to clean up after her messes (literally or figuratively) because that’s what he’s always done.

(for some really good ashley analysis, check out this post by ashleyhuh, this post by double--blind, and this post by sunshine-jesse)

andrew, on the other hand, was a very good kid. their mom, in a specific scene, called him an easy child. he’s well-liked by adults and peers, he’s had friends outside of ashley, even his parents like him more than ashley (and they make it obvious by just. Ignoring Ashley). the promotional art calls ashley “very bad” and andrew “doormat extraordinnaire,” but whether or not that’s actually true is up for debate. regardless, we know he cares about ashley, and she’s been the only constant in his life just as much as he has been in hers (…even if that’s mostly ashley’s fault). his whole life has been shaped by the responsibility of keeping ashley happy and behaved, but he does it because he wants to, too. while it may have started as taking care of his baby sister in lieu of their parents, he’s accepted that ashley is his responsibility whether he wants her to be or not. we don’t know where the change from “his responsibility” to “his responsibility” happens, but we see it through his actions and dialogue and even flashbacks that he cares about her. ashley relies on saying she cares and hearing that she’s cared for, while andrew shows that he cares, and he cares for her A Lot.

(as a side analysis, we’re Shown that andrew cares more than we Hear that he cares. with ashley, we’re Told that she cares more than we See that she cares. interesting!)

fifth, the soundtrack!

oh my god. the soundtrack. from the main theme to a specific song in the decay route vision, the soundtrack does a Wonderful job of setting the tone for the game. soundtracks are just as important as every other aspect in games, movies, and tv shows, and the coffin soundtrack is a particular favorite of mine.

(check out the songs here)

the main theme (titled “twisted clowns”) is… well, great!! it sounds good, it sounds Ominous, a little silly, and every time i open the game, i listen to it for a bit before playing. it’s a perfect choice for the first song you hear of the game. it’s perfect for a horror game. i’m no expert on music, and frankly, i don’t know a lot of instruments, but this song has a lot of sinister sections that make it SO good!!

my personal favorite off the soundtrack is “dark bells.” the first time i heard it in game, i lost my mind. it’s SO sinister!! it’s scary!!! the part of the game it shows up in makes me feel like a rabid animal (in a positive way!). it’s also really pretty, and i’ve been listening to it for the past week or so. it hits so very differently hearing it in game. if you know, you know.

the game has little sounds that add to the atmosphere, but the game has absolutely No voices, so the sounds that are added are super noticeable and can add so much more to the game, especially where music is concerned. the composers did an Excellent job with every track, and i’m SUPER excited to hear any new tracks added in the third chapter. the songs fit every scene they’re played during, and guide the player’s reactions pretty well!!

conclusion

no one is forcing people to like the game. if it’s not your thing, you don’t have to make yourself like it. you don’t have to make yourself hate it. those of us who DO like it have our reasons, whether i listed them or not. sometimes things just don’t click with people, and that’s okay! your likes and dislikes are yours, and not everyone has to agree with you. not everyone has to agree with me!! disagreeing with someone does not make you better than them

everyone who likes the game went into it knowing that it was a horror game. horror is supposed to make you uncomfortable. discomfort is a natural, human emotion to feel. whether the murder, cannibalism, corrupt government, demons, theft, or incest made you uncomfortable, you are not morally superior to anyone for feeling that way. you don’t get brownie points for posting about how disgusting the game is, or how boring it is, or how much you hate it. you especially don’t get points for putting your negative opinions in the main tags. have some decency!!

tcoaal isn’t just “the incest game,” even if that is a part of it that i know of and enjoy. if it’s not your cup of tea, you can ignore it!! out of sight, out of mind!! blacklist the tags, block everyone with a coffin icon, you can do whatever you need to do to Not interact w it. most people will respect that!! so, respect us, too!!!!

anyways. every post i see about “haha ew incest” or “bad game” just makes me love the game more. it’s the best game i’ve played in a while!! i’ve enjoyed the coffin of andy and leyley more than omori, more than persona 5 royal, and more than undertale. i really liked all of those games, but the coffin of andy and leyley has been such an enjoyable experience from the start and i’m so happy i gave it a chance

[hersterical]

Being the change I want to see in the world by posting Faith and Angel friendship/sibling headcanons (ignoring the comics cause I’ve never read them and some of the parts of ats that I don’t like):

Barring apocalyptic or other comparable season finale-esque events, Angel would call her in the prison every single week without fail

Faith is embarrassed by this in the same way a teenager is embarrassed when their friends find out that they have parents who love them

Every single one of these phone calls begins with a long, awkward silence as both of these losers struggle to find something to talk about. Eventually these long pauses become comforting to both of them

What they usually end up talking about (other than the progress of Faith’s redemption arc) is Angel venting about the annoying/mildly uncomfortable things he had to do during a job (the guy could literally be stranded in a hell dimension and what he spends the most time talking about is how itchy the clothes were) while Faith keeps him updated on the petty relationship/political drama happening around her like it’s a soap opera

After everything goes down and they have the occasional time to hang out, their time together is almost always spent watching their guilty pleasure chick flicks. Angel prefers the more serious, tragic, tear jerkers while Faith is more into rom-coms. They’ve sworn to never reveal this to anyone ever

A viewing of But I’m a Cheerleader leads to their first in depth discussion of both of their love lives.

Spike worked his way into a movie night once and they ended up watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. Angel refuses to admit that he loves it just as much as the other two did

Angel and Faith occasionally patrol for vamps and other demons at night clubs. On nights with less demonic activity they end up spending a lot of time people watching. Sometimes they’re petty and judgey and sometimes they try to get the other to break by telling the most ridiculous backstory possible while still maintaining a dry delivery

Whenever Faith is traveling she’ll send Angel a postcard. She’ll also occasionally call him. Faith claims to hate all of his worrying and mother-henning but secretly loves it. Angel doesn’t call her because she always forgets to give him her phone number

If Faith goes for more than a month or two with no contact then Angel will contact one of the scoobies so he can be not mad, just disappointed with her for worrying him. He’ll avoid contacting Buffy about Faith because the dynamics between all of them are still kind of weird even though she’s the one most likely to know where Faith is at any time

Angel is unaware that he’s dating both Cordy and Spike until Faith asks him about it

All of Faith’s singing abilities fly out the window whenever she’s hanging out with Angel and his gang

Lorne and Gunn make occasional cracks about how it makes sense that Faith and Angel get along, considering their names. The only ones who find these jokes funny are Lorne, Gunn, and Fred

Eventually Faith begins to show some small signs of aging. The only acknowledgment this receives is a silent, bittersweet smile shared between the two of them because who ever thought that they’d be alive long enough for Faith to show signs of aging? and Angel will never have the chance to grow old

They tend to forget to hold back with each other whenever they spar. This is both a source of concern and entertainment to the different members of the Fang Gang

Angel gets into the habit of fondly messing up Faith’s hair as a sign of affection. In return, Faith punches him in the arm or chest hard enough that no one else, not even a fellow slayer, would consider it to be playful. This is the most reliable way anyone has found to make him laugh

Angel has yet to approve of anyone Faith has dated and will occasionally try to convince her to at least try to ask out Buffy. Those conversations usually end in an impromptu sparring session

They both order huge meals when they go to their favorite 24-hour diner after patrolling or working a case together where Angel will then give Faith all of his food. There’s a demon friendly butcher not too far away that they usually hit up for blood anyway since the owner is still grateful that Angel helped them out one time

They. Are. Siblings.

[pikapeppa]

Hello again! I've got a question for you and I don't think this one will require a full tutorial like the last writing question I asked you 🤣 I know you often juggle multiple fanfics. I'm curious about how you juggle them! Do you focus on one chapter for one fic at a time, do you hop back and forth between fics whenever inspirations strikes, do you alternate or otherwise have any kind of structure you impose on yourself with multiple longfics in progress? I'm currently juggling two longfics, a sequel to my first longfic (Thanks again for all your tutorials that helped me complete that one!!!) plus some pwp oneshots along with the series, and an AU featuring the same pairing.

I'm writing my sequel and the oneshots in past tense and the AU present tense (Don't ask me why I did that to myself 🤣) so when I try to hop back and forth I often get my tenses mixed up. So I've been only focusing on one at a time and alternating them. But I feel like my updates are sparse because of it! I might be updating every 2 weeks, but that means each fic is only getting an update once a month.

I realize I don't owe anyone updates more frequent than I can manage, but I'm all about working smart, not hard. I'd love to hear what works for you in juggling multiple fics!

As always, you're a hero, an inspiration, etc, etc. Thanks for putting your incredible writing into the world and for sharing your methods with the rest of us to make writing seem less overwhelming!!!

Hahahaha so you’re asking this excellent question at a strange time in my writing life where I’m starting to get a little burnt out by my current fic series, and I’m considering whether I need to shift my own writing practices/habits… so this might end up being a longer and more rambly/less helpful answer than you were hoping for. 🤣 And I’ll put it beneath a cut to save everyone’s dashes!

When I’m juggling more than one fic, which is most of the time, my decisions for which one(s) get prioritized basically comes down to this: I work on whichever fic(s) has me the most jazzed at any given time. If I’m equally fired up about more than one fic, I’ll focus on both of them pretty equally, and if there are any additional fics, they’ll get attention when the mood strikes. Sometimes, like when I was juggling Lovers In A Dangerous Time and Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me, this ended up meaning that each fic got a chapter (or more) every week, because I was equally excited about both fics. But when I was writing for Horizon Forbidden West last year, the fic that got attention fluctuated more depending on where my libido mood lay: I started with my favourite boy Drakka, then got sucked into fleshing out my Kotallo fic while the Drakka fic took second-fiddle for a bit, so I was only adding to it whenever the mood struck. When my Kotallo fic was done, I hyperfocused on the Drakka fic again until I got the idea for my post-Burning Shores Kotallo/Aloy AU, and then for a solid 4-6 weeks, that fic was the only thing I was writing while my beloved Drakka patiently awaited my attention again. 🤣 So there’s no single formula I stick to when it comes to juggling fics; what it really comes down to is that I’ll focus on whichever fic(s) I’m the most jazzed and excited to write. 

Now here’s the thing. At first blush, this might sound obvious; of course I’m working on the fic(s) that I’m the most fired up and excited about. That’s what we fic writers do, right? We’re doing this for the love of the story, in our own time, for free, and we don’t owe anyone anything, so of course we write whatever we personally are most excited about, right?

Not always. For me personally, I’ve gotten into a habit over the years of holding myself to personal deadlines. If I don’t publish at least one chapter of something every week, I feel like a failure or a slacker, or like I'm disappointing my readers. And if I’m working on more than one fic equally, like I’m doing right now with Astarion and Halsin, I feel like a failure if I haven’t put out a chapter for both fics each week. 

This is not a good habit. It’s not a nice way to think about my own writing, and it’s not nice to myself to hold myself to this kind of standard. The reason I mention this is that you mentioned concerns that your updates are getting sparse because of the alternating, so I can see that you’re starting to get into the holding-yourself-to-deadlines habit — and I can speak now from experience that this is a mindset that you don’t want to get entrenched in, if you can avoid it, because it’s starting to make me feel bad about myself as a writer for literally no good reason. 

I get the idea of wanting to work smarter, not harder. But when it comes to fic writing, I worry that the smarter-not-harder attitude is a symptom of hustle culture, of trying to get more done in less time -- and I can’t lie, that worries me a little, because fic writing is a labour of love in the truest sense of the word. It is work, hard work sometimes, and it takes time and passion, and I worry that aiming to hit update deadlines will take away from the reasons that you started doing this in the first place. I genuinely think that the best and healthiest way to think about this is that you — and I! — should focus on the story/stories that you are the most excited about. If you’re loving all three of your fics equally, then alternate between them! Don’t beat yourself up for mixing the tenses (it happens, it’s a whole ass mood 🤣) or for the updates being sparse! Just work on what sparks joy, and enjoy the creative journey! Importantly, importantly, you do not owe updates to anyone, including to yourself, so the joy of the writing really should be the focus. 

I hope this doesn’t come off as being too preachy; if it is, just chalk it up to me telling these things to myself as much as I am to you. 🥰🙏 

I honestly have no idea if this is helpful, but maybe it’ll be a little insightful? And if anything, maybe you can be encouraged by the fact that your heroes are flawed and fallible too! Or maybe it’ll be a disappointing ‘don’t meet your heroes’ thing hahahaha. But I hope not. 🤣💀

— all the love and support from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

[avareiahgt]

So, this is my first writing in order to explain a bit of my world. I'm so sorry for my English, i hope you can at least understand what I'm trying to say hehe.

I would love to post some pictures of my characters but I'm not the artist type, to my disgrace.

No more waiting, I know this chapter isn't the most interesting, but it's our introduction and I think it's important.

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of violence, human experimentation

Next part

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PROLOGUE

I guess you’re wondering what everything of this is about. Well, I’m going to tell you an ancient story:

History books say, a lot of centuries ago, one and only kind of humans inhabited this planet. They were all the same, they were born with the same abilities and possibilities, paying some mind to little differences: skin color, religion or sexuality were some of them…

But one day marked the future and all those things that kept them separated stopped matter anymore.

First offspring met daylight crushing the mother form the insides. Four months forward, that baby had the stature of an adult, normal human. Emergency interventions by the responsible scientists were actually useless, letting the breaking news slip into radio and TV, the project of a giant baby that made its mother explode due to the fetus’s abnormal size and development.

It would be a wonderful terror story if it weren’t because it wasn’t an isolated case. A lot of incidents like the previous one peaked some weeks after that. Who knows if the rich and privileged knew about this before the rest of us…

Strong investigations started in every country. What could it be? Toxins, viroides, mutations… Nothing seemed to make sense, they couldn’t find the reason. Sadly, some predacious people put their eye on it looking for a unique opportunity. New test tube babies. They weren’t genetically engineered but, once fertilized and showed an excessive growth, they were extracted from the belly and maintained on enormous tanks that emulated placenta.

First years were met with failures and the deafening fall in the world birth rate. Just a few babies were born with normal conditions, with human proportions. Anyways, the discouraging perspective for couples to keep trying to be parents made it collapse. No one wanted to give birth. Chances were low, only 12% of pregnancies found the four-leaf clover and went awfully normal. The horror of the remaining 88% meant an overdeveloped not-born crushed the mother form the inside without enough development to eat, breath of merely live without a machine. They were trying to maintain a giant one or two-month fetus. It would never work.

Babies kept growing in size while time passed but not a single one survived. One decade went by a number of deaths and lost inversions until… a baby girl was born. Healthy, pretty and gigantic. While the clinics and labs halls were full of cheers, streets were full of hate. What to do with a baby that no one could properly attend? Who would teach, feed and handle her? And, the least and worst, who was going to deal with her when she was adult enough? Who were supposed to go against her wishes?

Sooner than later, some of the brightest minds found a conclusion: if we couldn’t stop nor fix whatever mutation that afflicts them, we would improve it. We would learn and work for a new human generation. Opposition and admiration became enemies to death. Cities burned, complains were massacred and, of course, entire governments and countries fell. From time to time, the first fights were replaced for some with new values. Nevertheless, there was something that anybody could kill… human scientific curiosity.

More than a million new human failures were the first stone for the future path: to replicate the original mutation on adults became a reality. Shifting was slow, painful and irreversible, but compulsory. First of all, it was a progressive change, they were bigger each time holding their morality and intelligence, which only resulted in more experiments, cheerfully this time. Even so, it all was a unique question: why would you want -and keep- 90 feet human guinea pigs if you weren’t enough strong nor competent to even control them? Like every human being, those experiments also became ambitious. Finally, an important 72% of population reacted positive to the mutation, it seemed that the new designed virus acclimated itself slow but unstoppable. From that initial 72% only the half made it through. Which was the position the old generation was holding in now? A minority, so small at number and size both.

There were multiple tries for coexistence thanks to equality factions, none of them worked. There wasn’t a single person in the whole world that didn’t know the REM implications. It started as an integrative association for the new -old- minority for them to live in big cities, just so oversized for them. Unfortunately, soon the cover went down: it was a military special branch focused in infiltrations and information seekers. They had never stopped those experiments. The main director, Avery Dorens, showed his face without doubt when his name appeared on every media. Visionary, he called himself, who had been fighting in order to find a cure for the Older’s involution problem. His followers were ex-military agents, spies and even ex-convicted. All of them strong people with weak or broken ideals. Nothing could stop him and, some years later, even with his expedient still opened, Dorens’s project received tons of support and financing.

That’s how war started. A war my side lost. Giants versus humans. Step by step, giants replaced us. Some of us were immune, I don’t know why, so we saw ourselves as the resistance. We were the ones loyal to the human race. This meant a rupture with society. Most of knowledge became lost or destroyed because of the war. Giants called themselves Newman, the new improved human race, since my kind was baptized as Older, the old, outdated, weak that had to disappear in order to favor the specie’s development. Newman versus Older.

Older were expelled after losing the Size War. They hid themselves into the most rural places, out of reach from Newman. It wasn’t an easy task since nature seemed to grow with them, grass strands were the size of a person. A lot of species disappeared along the Size War, some others integrated the mutation.

Nowadays, here we are. It’s been 200 years and, theoretically, Older are all dead. We are a fantasy creature that only appear on kid’s tales and history books. We have been forgotten and my generation is being prepared to guide our little world, the one they let us without knowing it.

Who would believe that creepy story? It was a horror tale to tell the children to sleep. Real world was there waiting for me to conquer it. I wasn’t supposed to waste my life yearning for something interesting to happen in Berhem, was I? It was a beautiful and small city with a familiar atmosphere. It was perfect for breeding kids and living a peaceful, long live. It was placed in a long-lost forest, protected by some hundreds of natural, green barriers that kept us from the ugly outside. None of the young knew how to go through it neither we had permission. Where was the sea? Snow? Dessert? Legends, that’s all it was. And I wasn’t one to keep dreaming and waste my time wondering. I needed to know the truth.

What was outside those green walls?

—Don’t stop running, Walker! — the trainer’s voice resonated through the pavilion’s walls. I knew she wasn’t expecting an answer, so I didn’t. I kept my usual rhythm. Resistance test was the one I was focused now, it took me time to get the trick, but I got it at least.

Sooner than later, my life was going to change. I was training for the Military Force, Exterior Initiative -MFEI abbreviated - section. I’d always been a curious child. Reckless and shameless, my mother used to say. Me joining MFEI was completely opposite to her beliefs but she had understood it would be the only way for me to be happy: finding answers to my never-ending questions.

I could have started my own little company, study abroad, learn a profession or even just stay at home with a good husband who would keep me fed and healthy, but that wasn’t my deal after all. I dreamt about exploring new areas, look for whatever land that was our so far in the past. I wanted to find a time where we weren’t Older, just human.

And that time would come when I was accepted at MFEI.

[space-batzz]

Recently I’ve made two posts about a spooky month au I’ve been working on and I’ve been rlly hyped about it and I’m happy to announce that I finally have some designs for it!!

Information about the au can be found under the cut!!

The au takes place 3 years into the future, meaning that the gang is now 16-18. Basically the plot is that Roy runs away from home and decides to cut ties with his family (I looked it up and you can move out at least 16 in Mexico, at least I think) he decides to go stay at Ross’s house while he figures out what to do, Ross and his parents agree as long as he doesn’t break any rules (which are basically the same as Ross’s rules growing up, they aren’t very strict but they aren’t like go crazy either)

Encase you’re wondering about Robert, Ross does tell him what’s happening later on that night through text but during that whole thing he wasn’t there physically or anything

And the story pretty much progresses from there, the story will contain polyhatz in it however it may focus on Ross and Roy more just because their living together

The story will mainly focus on the hatzgang and it probably will discuss some trauma and issues characters have, however I want it to at least be cheerful some of the time

I don’t have a name for it yet so feel free to give me suggestions!!

[redux-iterum]

Do you have any advice to help or prevent writer's block? I have a terrible habit of starting but never completing what I write. Also really excited for the Charred Legacy!

Hello and thank you! My advice splits into two categories of writer's block, which I'll call here Classic Block and Progression Block. Classic Block refers to the block people usually mean, especially when drawing: that you can barely write three sentences before erasing it all because it's awful and you hate it, leading you to sit around stewing in frustration that your skill level is so low. Progression Block, meanwhile, is the block where the actual work of writing something to completion is a Herculean task, even if you don't hate your writing style. The distinction DOES matter, as you’ll see.

To start off, Classic Block sources from your standards of writing not matching what you perceive to be your level of ability. Maybe you used to like how you write, but now all you see is the flaws. Your skills have leveled out or lowered instead of steadily increasing in quality – at least, that’s how it feels. This leads to you not writing at all, or only getting a bit done and then abandoning it because it sucks and what’s even the point and you’ll never make anything good anyway and so on. It’s the same thing as artist’s block, just with typing.

This brand of block has similar advice in every medium of art that it appears in, which is “study and practice”. The only way to get better is to examine where your faults are at and work to fix them. If you find how you write dialog unnatural, for example, you take a look at books or scripts you enjoy the dialog of and pay close attention to how the characters talk, or you find as many advice posts on the web as possible about how to create natural-sounding conversations, or even just listen in to people chatting in the real world. Like an artist studies anatomy and feels more confident about their improving work, a writer studies all the advice they can get and applies it to their story, and continues writing for practice until they get somewhere they’re okay with. It may not be as easy as artist’s block to conquer, depending on who you are, but it is doable.

Progression Block is a different beast, and I’ve certainly felt it before on my comics and writing. This is when you’re at the beginning or starting the middle of your project and you find yourself unable to continue on to the end. Maybe you’ve lost the adrenaline that the start gave you; maybe the prospect of a long-term story is too daunting; maybe you ran out of ideas or passion; maybe you don’t like the start now and you want to rewrite it before you continue; maybe (and this is the most common one) you’ve found yourself at a part of the story you’re not that excited about and it’s difficult to get through it. Whatever the case is, you’re good at starting ideas, just not finishing them. This is extremely common, so don’t feel bad about it. I can’t count how many webcomics or fics I’ve seen left to rot after about a month of work on them. I’ve done it myself, multiple times! We’re all at risk of it.

The biggest thing to address here is that, sadly, writing is not always going to be exciting. That’s just a fact. You are not going to be riding a high the entire process. You WILL get to something that feels more like homework than fun. This is a guarantee for every single project that goes on longer than a couple pages, and sometimes even the short stuff isn’t safe. This is not a horrible thing, it’s just something you need to develop methods to overcome. Discipline is important if you want to take writing seriously. There are ways to get through this: dinner-before-desert (the promise of “I have to write this dull chapter and I’ll get to write the scene I’m really excited about”), setting small goals to get the unfun part done a bit at a time (writing 200 words a day, or a couple paragraphs, etc), finding things to appreciate (like that joke you threw in or how pretty this scenery is), and having something occupying the senses to keep flow going (listening to music, mainly) are all tools I use myself to get past potentially weeks of writing that I’m not excited about. You do need to be a little stern with yourself, but the reward of getting to the thing you’ve been dreaming of since the start is completely worth it, I can promise that. You just gotta eat your dinner first, and then we’ll get you some ice cream. One carrot at a time. You can do this.

Something that can get to people is the prospect of being “stuck” with something for months or potentially years. The size of a project can be intimidating, I understand that. You’re doing this particular thing for god knows how long, and you have to do it on a regular basis if you ever want to get anywhere with it? That’s a little scary! I get it! But that does not mean you won’t have fun, or won’t ever be finished. It took me six years to complete a comic you can read through in one day, I’ve started one I know will take me at least ten, and Iterum itself is going to be a long fucking ride I don’t dare to guess the length of. I have had the occasional sensation of leaning on a table, bracing myself on my arms, staring down at a drink and thinking “Jesus Chirst” about how long all this shit will take me.

With that issue, I’ve personally found that taking joy in the process is the best solution. “Well, I do love writing these particular characters, I’m excited to see how they’ll grow over time!” “Planning chapters is a very chill way to spend my evenings while still giving me something to think about.” “It’s so exciting to have all these secret plot developments no one but me knows yet!” And so on. Like in life, you should appreciate the Now, not constantly be fretting about Later or Before. Learn to love typing out dialog and prose! It’s doable.

Of course, you should have a few thoughts about the future. That’s where planning comes in. Some people can make up shit on the fly and write a complete, excellent novel. I am not one of those people, and not many are. Some architecture is generally necessary. When I don’t have a set general path ahead of time for me to take as I write, I give up on things because I don’t know where to go next. Create your path, however vague or exact it needs to be! My advice on planning is to start with only the most major of story beats, arrange them in the order you want or need them to happen, and add smaller connecting lines to them, then connecting even smaller lines to those lines, slowly getting more and more specific and detailed as you zoom in on the story beat-by-beat.

Another thing that might help you keep at it is finding an audience – at least, it worked for me. When I started writing for real, I was doing choose-your-own-adventure threads in forums, and then a choose-your-own-adventure webcomic, where people got to send in commands to move the story forward. I could not get anything completed on my own to save my life, but having people participating and actively waiting for me to continue the story helped me develop the discipline and work ethic required to do the projects I’m doing now (and taught me how to improvise extremely well, as a side benefit). Your audience could be one person, or ten, or a hundred. Even if they don’t comment or regularly engage with the story, just knowing that someone is there waiting to see what happens next can be a good motivator.

One final thing: you may fall into the trap many do of looking at the small bit of stuff you’ve completed, not liking it, and wanting to go back and rewrite it, because this time you’ve got the skills to do it right.

DO NOT FUCKING DO THAT.

All that’s going to do is trap you in an endless cycle of “improving” what’s already there at best, and wear you out from going over the same old ground over and over and drain your love for the story at worst. You will not be fixing anything. Put it out and move on. Don’t keep trying to rescrub the same plate until you put a hole through it. You’re going to look back and think it’s shit. That’s normal. Doesn’t mean it’s true, or that you should waste time “fixing” it. Learn to go “well, I don’t like it, but I gotta keep going”. Get it done. It will never be perfect, and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can get this project done.

That’s about all the advice I can think of for now. I hope this prattling helped you, at least a little bit!

[fantasticalleigh]

Body talk and whatever below! Adding a read more for those who’d rather not hear it bc this turned into a whole venting post with a dash of mommy issues 🙄

took these pics (gotta appreciate the post workout pump) bc I’m kinda pleased my arm vascularity is coming back. I’m still fluffy all around but I’ve come a long way in building back all the muscle I lost when I was going through an ED a couple years ago (basically I took intermittent fasting to an extreme). I lost a ton of weight really fast and looked good back then but didn’t realize how much muscle I’d lost (which was pretty much most of it) until it was way too late. And during lockdown I was outdoors skating or walking pretty much 24/7 but once we went back in person and I was working and going to school and stressed over my senior year at uni I slowly gained weight back. And since then it’s been a slow slow road of getting it off, getting strong again, and making mistakes and learning from them. All that inspirational shit.

I’ve mainly focused on body recomposition for the past two years. This probably would have succeeded faster if I was getting proper sleep and really committing to eating healthy but I’m straddling a middle line and happy with it and my progress. My quads are building up and they’re still bitty but I’m happy. My upper back looks strong as fuck (using Rhea for inspiration since we have the same body type!) and I’m getting more definition there and in my legs bit by bit. The ass is fat again lol. The biceps are growing and my forearms will always be the thinnest part of me but also getting muscly.

So naturally the more muscle I have the bigger I look. I’m ok with that! I embrace it. I want to look strong. The point of body recomp is to build muscle and slowly lose fat in the process. Muscle burns more calories when you’re not moving around and so I’m ok with still looking fluffy if that means I’m getting stronger. I do lazy cardio and I want to lean down and I will but I’m not rushing into it.

There’s definitely body dysmorphia hanging around when I’m trying to fit into my shirts and they don’t fit bc my shoulders and biceps are bigger and make me wider. My stomach is definitely more flat than it was two or even three months ago and thank god bc my jeans are comfy again LOL. I look at myself and know I’m getting slimmer slowly but I still feel frustrated sometimes bc of things like this. I recently weighed myself a few weeks ago and found I was 211 lbs. Not surprised! I’m 5’9 and with a broad and strong build so I’m never gonna be light as a feather or dainty. Muscle weighs more than fat and I’ve been building a lot of that so no brainer.

(And for reference the last time I weighed upwards of 200 lbs I was very overweight and most of that weight was in my midsection and I was like three or four sizes bigger than I am now. Muscle makes a hell of a difference in body composition!)

Anyway. All this to say that I’ve been working hard and enjoying the process/results. I’m no physical trainer but I know what works for me and i actively try to take care of myself every day. But my mom likes to make snide comments about it all the time, joking that I’m training to become a wrestler (and so what if I was?) and she likes to call me “grandota”, which in Spanish means “big girl” jokingly. And she’ll tut about what I eat all the time if she sees me eat, things like that. (Not that I should have to defend myself but I do try to eat well. Lots of protein and veg, but I don’t restrict myself from tasty drinks or sugary snacks bc I’m human😝.)

The grandota thing is fair. I never used to mind it. I’m the second tallest member of my family (first is pops), taller even than my brother who is eight years younger lol. My mom is at least a foot shorter than me. But now it’s just mean spirited when she says it and it’s been happening a lot more lately.

So she sees me today, freshly showered and changed after my workout, just minutes after I took the photos above and goes: “are you training to be a wrestler? You’re getting fat!”

🙃

This is long enough so I won’t go into detail about the argument we had after. It’s not the first time she’s said these exact lines to me and I usually ignore them but i felt done today. And basically I told her to stop being passive aggressive about my body bc it’s rude and I’m tired of it (and she doesn’t get to talk shit when I’m actively trying to take care of myself and she doesn’t) and I don’t do the same to her. And then she got offended and said I should go live on a mountain if I don’t want people to make mean comments. 🙃🙃🙃

Story time over! Sorry for the loooong vent post.

[bryan360]

No “On This Day” posting I’ll be focusing today.

Also….

‼️(NO COPYING OR PLAGIARIZING FROM ME AND ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIEND’S WORK! THAT INCLUDES OUR CHARACTERS, DESIGNS, STUFF, ETC. IMPOSTERS AND SEXBOTS ARE NOT WELCOME TO FOLLOW MY BLOG WHATSOEVER! 😡 That will be all….I mean it.)‼️

2024 Review - Seagate 2TB Portable Drive (Third/Final - Storing game(s))

It’s been a long time coming; not to mention through scheduling at the program all weekdays I’d been in. Nevertheless, I’m finally coming back to this topic for the final time. After that the second half of installing with my gaming console is done, I’m now be storing/moving one of my games from its internal storage; which I’d already got it at early January this year.

⬆️ (From January. 6th, 2024; 3:04 to 6:24 P.M)

The first one is I’d finally gotten to installed Forza Horizon 5; the same game from last year’s Christmas gift for my Xbox One system. You can thank our friend @carmenramcat of ever giving me for Christmas by surprise. Link Here

I haven’t boosted this racing game yet; not until after getting my own potable hard drive in early January 2024. There are plenty of games in it as well, but that’s gonna wait after the final part of this topic review.

So anyways, I’d managed to move this to my portable hard drive which had lot of storage needed. Just how long it will take after installing? Well from checking in actual time (via screenshots information) about 3:04 to 6:24 P.M., it’s 3 hours, 20 minutes, and 33 seconds when calculated by using calculator.net website. Wow. Sure it would make sense due to how big this racing game will be, but taking three hours or less was a bit long. Still, nothing bad happens once it’s done for my portable drive. At least I’m grateful that I’d finally got this game downloaded after months later. The transfer progress should’ve speed things up though. That being said, I can’t wait to dive in unless for further planning to share soon. Or if I haven’t gotten through FH3 progress as of yet. I’d appreciate for having my portable drive with me that I’m willing to transfer other games more. 👍

Update: So I haven’t downloaded just one FH5 updated patch just yet. Not until back in Sunday this week that I got it as well. Now it took me about from 1:52 to 2:23 P.M.; or 31 minutes and 5 seconds shorter. Not bad that didn’t take this long. I won’t be surprised that there will more updated patches for FH5 to check out, just in case.

(Back in March. 24th, 2024) (just after transferring other games that I’d save since February 3rd, 2024)

Now to get into with my other games I’ve previously transfer for my portable hard drive. During the same date of January 6th, I did the second time with 👊💥MultiVersus; a free to play fighting platform made by Player First Games. It took about few minutes than I did with my Forza Horizon 5 game within three hours or less. And then afterwards til February 3rd at 6:20 to 6:53 P.M., I got with two previous Forza Horizon titles, Rare Replay included two Banjo-Kazooie titles, Cuphead, Kingdom Hearts 3, and PAC-MAN Museum+. Talk about plenty of some along the way. Thought looks like it takes minutes for almost all games included this time. That’s good to see that it happened, right?

So anyways as I’d going back to its storage devices setting, my portable drive is about 16.1% within 1.5 TB free spaces. It’s not full enough as of yet. Though who knows if there’s plenty room to pick which I’m going for sooner or later. Other than that, I also pointed out for its internal storage had few games in it. It’ll be for another time to save, I promise.

My Experience/Overall Thoughts: ⬇️

Storing/transferring FH5 (Forza Horizon 5) (plus other games) with my external hard drive was an interesting progress to get through. It depends how many games to transferring within minutes/hours before completion. All in all, I couldn’t done it without my first portable drive that I’d wanted for my gaming console. It won’t be a matter of time before I can get a new one in the near future, but not right now. I’m happy of having a portable drive I’ll be taking care of. 🙂 If you’re curious or interested to get one of those, then it’s available on Amazon.com. It normally cost about $70, so hopefully that you still have your savings left. Link Here

See ya guys until my upcoming topics are coming soon. 👋

Tagged: @murumokirby360 @carmenramcat @alexander1301 @rafacaz4lisam2k4 @paektu

[away-ward]

Note: I think this is "The Will Post" people reference sometimes, but I'm not sure. Here and Here are the links to the original Anon messages. This was the first time I'd ever received a message like this, so I answered it differently that I would today. Which is probably obvious if you've been here for any length of time.

I think, first and foremost, it’s essential to get out of the way that to enjoy this series, you can’t look at any of the characters too closely. Because once you do, you’ll realize almost everybody here sucks in some way or another.  

That being said, let’s look at the characters way too closely.  

But thank you so much for reading my fics! The fact that people spend their time doing so is always such a big compliment, even if some of the things I wrote...didn't quite sit right with you.

First up:   

Will and Alex 

You’re absolutely right that Will and Alex only knew each other for about five years when we got to Nightfall. I messed up when I wrote Reality and said seven years. I realized it about two to three weeks after posting it and never went back to fix it. Good catch.  

I see that you have a problem with Alex. That’s valid. I’m not entirely sure if it’s how I portray Alex and her relationship with Will or Alex from the source material that you have a bigger issue with. Still, I’ll try to explain my feelings about her beyond what I’ve said in other posts.   

Feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong because, honestly, I have disregarded most of what Alex has said and done. After all, it hardly ever matters to the plot. Like you, I have the viewpoint that Alex’s involvement in the story doesn’t affect anything and, more often than not, makes a scene worse. I can’t think of a single time when Alex did something one of the other characters couldn’t do.   

I think the timeline is that Will was arrested at 19 and released at 21/22. He would have met Alex, soon after his release. It would be just a few months before the beginning of Corrupt.

We first meet Alex through Michael. She comes off as confident and self-assured, in complete control of herself. She doesn’t hesitate to let Rika know she’s an escort when the opportunity arises. Her boldness gives off the feeling that she’s world-wise, with years of experience.   

The reality is that she’s 19 - the same age as Rika. During her first year at college, she wasn't working as an escort and it was only after she lost her scholarship due to the events in her first year that led to this. Knowing this, she would have only been in this line of work for a few months. It tracks that Alex would be reeling from losing her friends and scholarship. According to her, she didn’t just lose Aydin when her roommate betrayed her. Alex lost her entire support system, and her plans for the future. Maybe she did figure out how to land on her feet through sex work, but I don’t think she was completely content with it – at least not as much as she tries to appear to be. She always said it was temporary, not a forever job, and she planned on doing more once she graduated.   

Towards the beginning of their relationship, Will and Alex had a more casual approach to each other.  We can see their progression over the years in small moments

In Corrupt, when Damon is being aggressive with Alex, Will laughs and leaves it alone. I think his feelings are that this is her job and she can handle herself. Damon is his friend. Will sides with Damon.

While they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, they weren’t close. After Damon has betrayed them and they decide to cope by partying. Will invites Alex from Meridian to Thunder Bay, even sending his family's helicopter to retrieve her. But he doesn't pay her an unusual attention. Rika finds her alone and irritated because she's surrounded by high school boys, with Will nowhere near by.

By Hideaway, a year later, they've had some time to get to know each other, and develop a closer relationship. As an example, Will supports Alex in the shopping scene. His comment to Banks is pretty neutral but more positive than the year prior.

In the third year of their friendship or relationship, Will defends Alex against Damon.

Damon's petty words are nothing compared to the way Damon physically treated her just two years ago. Yet, Will's response is much more condemning. Some might argue that Will is acting out of his anger towards Damon, and using Alex as an excuse to lash out. That's fair. Will isn't the most emotionally intelligent person at this point of the story.

However, I think it's a mixture of both. Will wants to hurt Damon by letting him know he's been replaced (with a girl nonetheless. The horror). But it's also that his relationship with Alex has changed. He cares for her more now than he did even a year ago. He won't tolerate Damon saying spiteful things to Alex.

In Kill Switch, when Damon is threatening war, Will is the one who brings up Alex. She's not just a number; he sees value in her being at their side.

A Side Point -

But even then, alex and will was never close like that, no. Because if they were close, then why wouldnt alex knew will's personality, passion, motive in life etc.? I guess their relationship is still shallow af.

Anon, you asked how their friendship could be that deep if she didn’t know that Will was missing, or really anything about him. To address the latter, I don't think Will knew much about himself either. He never had a direction in life, and contrary to what he presented to the world, he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, which you already said.

Two, I don’t have Conclave on me, so I could be wrong, but weren’t Will’s parents lying for him? First, he was actually globetrotting – posting pictures on social media from various locations. Then the lie was he was with some program to help in third-world countries? Either way, it’s entirely believable that it would take a while to figure out something wasn’t quite right with the story. Should they have figured it out earlier? Sure. It shouldn’t have taken his younger cousin to make his three closest friends aware that Will was missing.   

At the end of Kill Switch, Damon mentions they got Will clean from drugs, but alcohol was a bigger issue. He also mentions that he's been leaving messages often, waiting for a response. Damon was mad that Will missed the birth of his son. Damon was trying to make Will aware of what was happening back home.

In the Horsemen’s defense, they’re married with children and running businesses. You can't blame them for not prioritize Will, a grown man. Will made the decision to leave without telling anyone and go to a location they wouldn't be able to find him. He further arranged for his family to lie about his whereabouts. As weak as it is, the boys have a valid excuse for not knowing something was wrong.

The way Conclave focuses on other issues is not the character's fault; it's what the author wanted to focus on. But there's nothing to say that the characters didn't eventually get down to business and figure out what needed to be done to get to Will. I agree that that portion of events would have been a more interesting story and would have set us up beautifully for Nightfall, but I've digressed enough.

Getting back to Alex -

I find that she tends to lean towards putting her pleasure above all else, unless the situation is dire, or she's been given a direct instruction by one of the other characters. She has moments where she takes things seriously. However, for the most part she seems to flounce around with a childish air. Will does too. Maybe that’s why they gravitated towards each other. While Kai, Michael and the others are growing, Will is stuck and Alex is on a similar level. They leaned into each other, and this worked for a while. But when Will was ready to grow up, he knew he couldn't let his friends carry his weight any longer, and that included Alex. 

The bottom line, I don’t like Alex. I’ve never liked Alex. I was indifferent to her for a while, but Nightfall did her no favors in my eyes. In reviewing the series, I’ve come to dislike her even more. To use what you’ve said, Alex gives me the "ick." The way she naturally falls into coercing and manipulating people is gross. I'm not saying she's ever forced someone to do something they didn't want to do, but possibly things they'd rather not?

For instance, in Hideaway, Banks acknowledges that Alex "coerced" her into drinking. Banks, while wanting to enjoy a "normal" life, also felt it was important to keep her wits about her when around Kai. So Alex forcing her to drink us slimy behavior. It reads to me that she doesn't care what other people want.

Again, in Hideaway, Alex as pulls Lev away from his post in an attempt to have sex. Same as before, Lev wasn't opposed to the idea of sleeping with Alex, but he had a job to do. That moment was not the time. But Alex ignored that because wanted what she wanted. And like a child, she wanted it there and then.

But when I’m writing about these characters – especially when the setting for a fic is in the canon universe – I don't want to ignore PD intended for their relationship. Will and Alex to had a deep connection, different from what he shared with the others. I’m not convinced it was ever meant to be romantic, but it was meant to be deep.  

I think you’re also correct in saying that Will used his friendship with Alex to soothe and distract from the pain he was in. His heartbreak, the trauma of prison, and almost drowning. Will was going through a lot, and at 22 years-old. Compounding all of that was Damon's betrayal.

Which brings us to our next part.   

Will and Damon

Damon and alex were always just tools for will to not face reality and not to be alone (even though this fandom really did love to overly romanticise, sexualise and fetishise willdamon's relationship possibly bcs its MxM unlike Rika and Alex who were FxF pairing). One thing to note though, i dont think alex and damon ever truly knew will bcs it always felt like will cared about them more but they only cared about using him to enable themselves? 

I think it’s a bit harsh to say Damon was always a tool to distract Will from reality. I believe Will quite liked his reality in high school. He was privileged, wealthy, attractive, athletic, popular, and had a good home life. The only thing missing was the girl of his dreams, and he was delusional enough to think it was only a matter of time before she gave in to him. Will enjoyed every bit of it. He loved the drinking, the partying, the sex, and the camaraderie between his friends and teammates. He lived for it. 

What did he need to be distracted from, other than the occasional existential crisis?

Perhaps that is where he used Damon. Regardless, he wasn't doing it consciously. 

Alternatively, I think Damon loved Will. He wanted to keep Will “safe” inside this little bubble where nothing could hurt him or take away his joy. Damon wanted Will to be happy. . . as long as that happiness didn't take Will away.   

The second Will started talking about Emory like she was different from the other girls was the second Damon began to hate her (which, come to find out later, was the first moment they met). Emory had the ability no one else had: she could either take Will away, or destroy Will. And Will would let it happen because he’s full of love, and he's soft.    

Damon did know Will. He knew what he liked, what he wanted, how he thought. He probably understood Will better than Will understood himself. Which is how he knew exactly what to say and what do to hurt Will.    

Damon loved Will. That's why Damon was sick at the thought of losing him, completely out of his mind with grief at what he’d done. That's why when Damon thought of leaving, all he wanted was to take Winter, Banks, and Will.

I’d dare to say it’s Michael and Kai that Damon doesn’t care about all that much. Not that he hates them. He’d kill for them. Walk through fire for them. Go to prison rather than rat them out for a lighter sentence. But there’s something different about Will that Damon wanted.  

The problem is Damon's a little control freak in the worst possible way. He always goes way too far in everything. His whole redemption arc is him learning how not to do that and still be okay.

I’m not a Damon apologist, if there is such a thing. Damon’s trauma and redemption arc didn't really do much for me. However, I won’t deny that he does add to the series for me. If Damon was on the page, I was paying attention, whether I liked him or not.   

I would have loved for his redemption arc to be the last part of the series because it makes more sense as a conclusion. To read Nightfall, not knowing if he was really their enemy would have made his scenes in the past, especially with Emory, all the more chilling and suspenseful. As it is, they lack an edge because we already know Damon's conclusion.

But the story is what it is, and again, I don't want to ignore what PD was trying to do with Damon and Will, so when I write about the two of them, where one is, the other follows.   

Besides all that, PD did an excellent job of introducing the potential bond that Damon and Emory could potentially share. They can relate to each other on multiple levels: 

The abuse. 

The love for Will. 

Their artistic visions. 

The way they covered for each other when they didn’t need to. 

Their bond would be much stronger than Emory's is with Alex, and I wish the fandom focused on it more.   

Moving on.

Will   

You’re right when you say that Will was doing all those things before he went to prison, before he almost died, and before Damon left him.   

The difference is that he was doing it for fun.

He didn’t need to do it. His life didn’t revolve around it. It wasn’t an everyday thing. Things changed after Emory broke his heart and his friends left for different colleges. That's when he started to spiral out of control.

Once his support system - the routine of school, friends, basketball, seeing Emory regularly - was gone, he couldn’t cope.

I like to focus on that aspect of Will. He was weak and soft before because he’d never faced a real challenge. His privilege, and later on Damon, prevented him from experiencing any difficulties in life. When change was on the horizon, Will didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know who he was outside of being a rich teenager. Had things gone along without interruption, he probably would have continued down that path, either never growing up completely or eventually dying from an overdose.

Will had an easy life, but it wasn't to his benefit. Going to prison might have saved him. He might have been okay...

If Damon hadn't betrayed him. 

Damon did betray him. And after, he started spiraling again. But this time it was worse. He couldn't go a day without something to dull the pain. As Banks said, he was only sober long enough to get to his fridge. Nothing was good.

To add salt to wound, he didn’t even have his friends to fall back on. His two remaining friends were moving on without him. The girl of his dreams didn’t care that he went to prison for her, and in his head she cared so little about him she couldn't be bothered to call. Rika wasn’t the revenge he was hoping for.

The fandom talks a lot about Damon’s trauma, but we ignore entirely that between the four boys, Will comes in a close second for the most traumatized.

In his early 20s, Will had to cope with losing Emory, going to prison, nearly dying, and losing his best friend, all within a matter of about four years. That's a lot to go through for anyone, but especially for someone who had no coping skills to begin with. All he had going for him was Alex, and how easy she was to lose himself with.  

I haven’t considered how much Alex effected him and in which ways. I want to think that since they were new friends, she took an “it’s not my place to tell him what to do / his friends will step in if it goes too far” position with Will. But as I mentioned in my Alex section above, Alex had the habit of encouraging people to make unhealthy decisions in an attempt to mask her own pain. It's possible she egging him on because it’s what she wanted.

Not that he is excused from responsibility. Will was an active participant in his own downward spiral. Just like Alex, he'd hide his pain behind a mask of smiles and good times, which is why they got along so well.

It worked. Until it didn't anymore.

His friends cut him a lot of slack. They let his stupid mistakes go unchecked and unpunished because it’s Will. In their eyes, he never meant any harm, or he was young and dumb, or he was hurting. They gave him a million excuses because they loved him. They weren’t strong enough to be the firm hand and give him the tough love he needed. Will knew when Damon came back, there would be no more excuses. That pressure of needing to grow up was already setting in.

Will was able to kick his drug habit with his friend's help. With the clarity that came with being sober, he saw himself dragging his friends down. They were starting families and businesses, but he was still stuck in the past. Kai said it best when he said Will never did anything on his own. They were leaving him behind, and he couldn't join them yet. Will knew what he needed to do, but he was too embarrassed to ask them for help. He was aware that everyone thought he was the weak link. And they were right. After William Sr told him about the pictures and the fake police report, he knew he had to do something to protect his friends. So, he makes a decision completely on his own:

He'll go to Blackchurch. If he can survive this place without the help of his friends, and come back with a loyal group of men, he'll have proved he deserves to be a Horsemen. That he's not just hanging on to their coattails.   

He needed to be the strong one, and save them for once.

In Blackchurch, Will gets stripped back to his core; his barest form. He's still working to gain the loyalty of the group there, but he's lost the drive to leave. Questions about who he is and his worth still plague him, and he's not ready to return to the real world and discover the answers to those questions. In Blackchurch, he can be the animal he feels he is. He doesn't have to grow up. His friends will be fine without him, just as they always were.

Emory appearing shakes him up. She reminds him of the anger he feels towards her, and by extension Martin and Evans. She reminds him that sometimes you have to grow up, even if you don't want to. She reminds him who he used to be, before things went wrong; the version of himself he actually liked.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this thought. But I think all the reasons people commonly complained about Will are why he went to Blackchurch. He wanted to get sober to grow up, and stop being the weakest Horsemen, and protect and be there for his friends the way they've protected and supported him.

I hated Will through most of the series because of his actions, the way he treated Banks and Winter specifically, and how boring he was on page. Once I realized the smiles and stupidity was to hide all his pain, his motives and actions became more obvious.

I'm not a Damon Apologist, but apparently I am a Will Defender. Go figure.

If there's one thing that true about all four Horsemen, but was never more clear than in Nightfall, it's if you hit low, they go lower. They’ll go to straight to hell if it means getting revenge on anyone who's pissed them off.  

They’re petty.   

The Horsemen   

I love friendships. Especially strong ones. The kind that don’t make sense on the surface. The kind of friendships where you know if it weren’t for unconditional love and loyalty running through every word they say.

On a separate note, i feel like the relationship between the horsemen or even will and alex was always a tad bit too shallow. 

I agree to a certain extent. The problem with the Horsemen is that because they are supposed to focus on the four romances, we don’t get much of their friendship. Sucks for me, because it was the most addictive part of the series. PD gives us small glimpses here and there, and then says, “Just trust me, they’re closer than brothers.”

However, that leaves a lot to be desired when the entire plot hinges on them practically dying for each other every other year. But I’ve read other books about solid relationships. I’ve watched shows with the same dynamic. The idea of a unique foursome with an unparalleled bond isn’t unheard of by any means. So, I can fill in the gaps, and to pull inspiration from other sources to fill-in what PD clearly intended.

As you said, Anon, there were many times when their problems could have been solved by communication. However, I don’t think communication was a skill any of these men developed. Especially when admitting they were wrong, or talking about their feelings, or showing any sign of weakness in front of each other. Pride is a cruel master; it will tear you down if you give it a chance.

Never once did I consider faults to be a lack of love for each other. These characters would live and die for each other, which they've proved time after time.  

Michael was overly cautious where Will was reckless, which often caused disagreements. Michael acknowledged this in Corrupt. Yet, his distress at seeing Will in the water is so clear. Kai being concerned that Will was acting out wears on him in Hideaway. Damon giving Will the chance to pummel him proves that he cares about what Will was feeling. Damon's focus on Will during all of Kill Switch is also unignorable.

I get why you’d say they didn’t care about Will if you're only looking at the window of time when Will was deliberately concealing things from them, taking advantage of them being distracted by work and their growing families. Just because Will did something he never did before and they were caught off guard doesn't mean they didn't know him.

Emory... versus the world?

so on the basis that men can be scums, why cant women, so if aydin taylor will can be shit, why cant emmy?? And people always like to act as if the women always had to be good even when her circumstances shown otherwise. No one needs to be the bigger person here. If the men can destroy, let the women go ballistic too yk. And they hate em too, and be simping over damon, just bcs 1. She was mean to will, 2. She never came back for will. You understand what i mean with double stanrds and purity culture applied to women here?

Emory learned to think on her feet through trial and error with Martin. Unlike Will, she had to learn to survive, which made her think things through before making a decision. Of course, it made her too wary and overly defensive at times. One wrong step and she could have lost her life to Martin losing control.  

Emory had a plan to survive and eventually escape. It didn't include falling for a pretty boy with pretty words. She knew, as good as it sounded and as much as she wanted it, any plan that Will came up with to save her and her grandma could have gone sideways real fast. She made the decision that had the best chance of succeeding, because it relied on her alone. It was made out of fear and loneliness, but I don’t think that fear was misplaced. Hating her because she was forced to make that decision is dumb.

I will say she gave Will mixed signals. Will said she's not the same in the daylight, and that comes from the times they were alone together and she was different. I don't blame her for that. She liked him too, against her better judgment, and she was young. He was the one good thing in her life outside her grandma, and for once she let herself enjoy it. I can't blame her for being human and needing him, but it's not wrong to hold her accountable for hurting him nonetheless.

Just like it's not wrong to hold Will accountable to the fact that he didn't listen for the three years she tried to warn him to stay away. Just like it's not wrong to hold him accountable for pushing her when she had previously said no.

I don’t understand Alex and Emory’s relationship. I don’t get why Alex was so friendly with Emory when they first met, and then later judged her for not being around when Will was hurt. Either she understood Emory’s struggle, or she didn’t. Either way, she's lying in one of those scenarios and it doesn’t make sense.  

As for Aydin - I don’t care about Aydin. I hated him. I still hate him. I hate that he’s barely three years older than Emory, abducted her, messed with her mind, forcibly kissed her to make Will and Alex jealous (which is still considered a form of sexual assault, by the way), and she still wanted to consider him a mentor. I don’t care that he was more valuable as an ally. I thought their bond was too strong after less than a week to be taken that seriously.

I mean, Anon, you’re criticizing the bond between the Horsemen even though they’ve known each other for over a decade, but Emory's known Aydin for all of five days, and that’s all it takes for her to need him and understand him? Because she realized he’d be better as their ally against the families? Because she's smart? I call BS on this entire thing. This was one of the weakest storylines in my opinion.

I still don’t know what Aydin brought to the table that Micah or Rory didn’t. He's there because of only because of Alex, so to favor him while despising her also doesn't make sense to me. They're literally the same.

Anon, are you talking about how other fans treat Emory like she’s the worst character because she hurt Will? When literally all of these characters have hurt each other—all of them. So, if people are hating on Emory for hurting Will, then they're probably biased toward one of the other girls (probably Alex). Not saying that readers can't dislike Emory for other reasons. She won't be for everyone and I'm sure there are valid reasons to dislike her. For me, she was the one I could relate to the most out of the main four, and I really felt for her struggles. She had the most realistic character arc, and her finding her way back to Will made the most sense over Rika, Banks, Winter, and even Alex with Aydin.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on everything you said. Somewhere along the way, I lost track of what I was actually attempting to say. Regarding my way of writing specifically, since I'm filling in voids and holes that I felt were too unanswered, I tried to remain as close to canon as I could. Not necessarily what was there, but what was intended. I don't always keep them in character as PD wrote them, but I try to get the same vibe.   

***

Anyone is welcomed to share their thoughts...if you're brain's not numb by now. If it is, I understand. Thanks for making it this far and listening to my rambling.

-KO

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 160

Hello, I'm Tired, how are you? I hate January and February, the give me bouts of seasonal depression and that ruins my groove. I'll manage tho. Stay tuned for a sneak-peek for A Sign that you're important at the bottom of this post!

Current WIPs:

A Sign that you're important

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: One month upon his assigment as Doctor Robotnik's assitant, Agent Stone is told to learn sign language. He doesn't know why, and isn't suicidal enough to ask, so he simply rolls with it. Turns out, it's not just a whimsy of the eccentric doctor, even though that doesn't stop the doctor from utilizing it like one.

Progress: Chapter 4 was posted on 11th of January. The fifth chapter will be posted on 18th of January aka the next Thursday. Chapter 5 is finished and ready to be posted. I'll need to do a chapter 6, cause Robotnik really, really wanted to wallow and be gay for Stone for a full chapter, mostly at the same time too. Unsure if chapter 6 will be full length or basically a half-length epilogue, we'll see.

-----

Life at the laboratory (I'm starting to not like this title, might change it)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary:

"Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you." 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: This one will be part one of a two-parter longfic, the first part probably... 10-ish chapters? It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change - will probably end up being increased tbh. My weekly writing hour (as in, a specific hour when I sit down and write, no excuses [other than not being home]) is devoted to this fic.

I have the first five chapters completely written. Chapter 6 has been started.

I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (they're scenes that will be slotted in to wherever they feel natural, once we get Stone settled in.)

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Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

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That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into A Sign that you're important (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!

Turned out, even super advanced hearing aids didn’t take well to getting jostled around like maracas at the speed of sound by a hedgehog, getting blasted through an interdimensional portal they hadn’t been tested for, and crashing loudly and violently into Toadstool Tartarus. In fact, the left one went into tinnitus mode and the right one simply shut down completely. It made crawling out of a crashed aircraft much worse than it already would have been by default.

Once he was out and had enough distance to not get blown to smithereens or showered with shrapnel should his aircraft decide to explode, both hearing aids were promptly removed from his sore ears.

“This will put a damper on whatever plan I will begin hatching as soon as I get my bearings”, Doctor Robotnik said to himself, already hating the likely long lasting silence, especially when that included his own voice.

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That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

Links:

My AO3   My FFnet   My Ko-fi    Radiohusk Discord Server

[dijanadraws]

2023 review

Hi beans! I bring you an art dump of all my art made in 2023 because I keep forgetting this website exists. (It's c/pd from my Patreon, that's how bad I am.)

First up is a book cover I made for my sister (Daina Rustin - Demon Hunter, not published), that I actually started a year or two ago, but had the last push/rework in January and called it finished. I’m also adding the sword concepts I made for it, even though they were technically done in 2022, as I haven’t shared them before.

In February, I did some figure and hand studies with some friends on the NFC discord, and thumbnailed a bunch of locations and ideas for Sky Across illustrations. March was the beginning of my character concept art project for the main character of Sky Across - Aurelia.

Started with figure drawings, then outfit variations and explorations for different uses and settings. After that it was colour variations, and the last one is a finished character illustration. I also spent some time doing general research and working on worldbuilding, writing and designing certain elements that will be important for the story later on :>

At the beginning of June, I started working on a “props” section for my portfolio. I made it so far that I made a whole 3D/blender scene with them, and then…. I wasn’t excited about painting them. I kept pushing it around, sort of like pushing food around your plate when you have no appetite. After some time staring at that task in my calendar, I decided I would be better off doing something that ✨ sparked joy ✨ instead. So, I painted a new Witcher fanart piece.  It was done in anticipation of the third season of the show on Netflix…. That I still haven’t finished. Oops.

July and August were a big dud for me, art-wise. I was going through a rough period and I was busy with real-life issues.

September was a big month for me as that was when my ADHD diagnosis was approved and I finally got medicated. I think I did more things (in general) in that first week than I did in the entire July+August. I finally saw the bottom of my dirty laundry basket after 7 years.

Art wise, I did another bunch of thumbs for my Sky Across illustration, I set up the references I needed in Daz3D and Blender, and I got an offer to work on an exciting freelance project so I jumped on the research and thumbnails for that as well. The project is still in progress, and I'm looking forward to sharing it next year!

September was also when I drew Hopper, Nickie’s cat, in pencils. I used to do a lot of traditional art in the past so I didn’t think it would be complicated, despite not having drawn a realistic cat in over a decade…. I always forget how humbling traditional work is. Nickie visited my hometown and I travelled back home to meet her and see my family <3

I got a cold as soon as I returned and that slowed down my zoomies for a few weeks, some family/personal issues happened, and I had to start branching out before I was ready to - which is how Patreon and Twitch came to be. The rest of September and October were spent on YouTube researching and developing “passive” income ideas.

I won’t be talking about Oct/Nov pieces as I’ve already done that in the previous few posts. In short, art zoomies picked back up in October, I managed to knock out some presents for friends and some fanart pieces, only to be absent for the majority of November again because I had/was recovering from Covid. (I’m still coughing 💀)

Over the course of the year, I did some animal drawings as presents for friends - Joe’s wonderful sassy corgi Dennis that I'm plotting to kidnap (at least for a day, if I ever make it to the UK), Joel’s cat Kissa that looks like someone spilled ink all over, Isla’s cat Skye that has seen all of the horrors of the universe, and I’m cooking something up with my own cat - Azriel.

I started working on another illustration for Sky Across featuring the same character I concepted at the beginning of the year, I'm streaming the process on Twitch when I can, and I started a little banner illustration for socials that I noodle on from time to time.

There were a few bits and bobs that I don’t feel are worth mentioning, and some Blender practice things that aren’t really worth sharing but were great practice.

All in all, this year was mostly marked by a million doctors’ exams, a big focus on exercise/physical therapy, dealing with ~feelings~ about medical issues, and general financial uncertainty. But also more art than I made in a long while, so swings and roundabouts!

I'm really proud that I've managed to handle and organise so many health-related things, and I'm getting better at judging how much I can do and schedule for myself, recognizing when I need to take time off and when I can afford to push things. I hope to do more original illustrations and concepts next year, and I’m adding traditional art to my calendar for next year as I’ve been itching to experiment more. I’m very grateful to my family and friends that held me up, I wouldn’t have been able to manage without them <3

Hope you have a successful 2024 and may all your dreams come true!

Until next time,

xo

PS: INPRNT is running an end of year sale, and you can get my art for an extra 20% off with the code: OQKQS6DJ

[thedragonagelesbian]

Before even getting into the conversation with Bhelen, I wanted to highlight this line from Vartag after you complete the first task: “It’s touching to see how strong your love is for your brother.” This one sentence encapsulates so much of what is insidious and heart-wrenching about going back to Orzammar. Whether Dru still loves her brother or not, it is enough to mock her for having once loved him and for whatever lingering sentimentality has compelled them to be his errand boy just for the chance of talking to him again.

(Because why else would she do it? Dwarven politics is at once so impersonal and indifferent and oh so intimate and violent, so Vartag doubts that Dru could be helping Bhelen out for any other reason than their familial bonds.)

Bhelen: Well, who would have imagined... My big sibling, back from the dead, and calling herself a Grey Warden.

Dru walked back into her family home for the first time in months, and Bhelen immediately grabbed the knife he had left in her back and twisted it in deeper. I’ve already made two posts about the dissonance that Dru is experiencing between her new identity as a Warden and her old identity as Princeps Aeducan, and that was before Bhelen threw that dissonance in their fucking face.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe Dru is just calling themself a Warden. Maybe it’s all play-acting, just like when they were the princeps.

Dru: Why did you do it, Bhelen? What did I ever do to you?

Bhelen: You’d have acted against me in a heartbeat if I hadn’t done it first. The same way you turned everyone in the Assembly against Trian. The same way our father--may the ancestors bless him--convinced his elder brother to enter a Proving against a convicted murderer. Who do you think gave the murderer the poison to put on his blade?

Dru: You’re wrong. I never plotted against you or Trian.

Low blow number fucking two. If Dru wasn��t on their back foot and desperate given how Bhelen opened the conversation, they are now. As much as the bloodlust of Orzammar politics has always seemed quotidian to them, they didn’t know that particular unsavory detail about their father killing his brother.

They’ve also just spent a couple of hours running around the Diamond Quarter and the Commons hearing all about how Bhelen is different and wants to do dwarven politics differently, why can’t he be different about this too? Why, indeed, didn’t he consider that Dru would be different about it too-- would be eager to set aside the conspiracy and subterfuge and death otherwise inherent in their politics?

Bhelen: You should thank me then.

But no. Bhelen’s desire to reform stops short of his ambition and power lust, and then he has the audacity to tell Dru she should thank him. For exiling her!!!

Bhelen: [pontificating about how a king needs to be ruthless] Neither you nor Harrowmont is that king.

The most aching thing is: he’s right!!! And, beyond the scope of his own bloodthirst, he’s right more generally: he is a progressive, radical, and decisive leader that neither Harrowmont nor Dru ever would be.

Dru knows he’s right. They never wanted to be the monarch of Orzammar, and in the months since their exiled, they’ve certainly rationalized to themself that Bhelen would probably do the best job of their siblings despite the means by which he took that job.

It’s not that he’s wrong. It’s that the one thing Dru wants so desperately to hear from her brother is something approximating an apology: some feeble acknowledgement of those means and their cost and the pain they caused her even if she’s happier for it.

As the player, I wanted to go with a dialogue option that expressed that agreement. I was hoping for something a bit more direct (along the lines of “Well, at least that’s something we can agree on”). What I picked was:

Dru: I guess I can’t blame you for playing a wining hand.

I’m sure there are some Wardens for whom this is an expression of a genuine admiration for Bhelen’s guile. It is immensely fucking hollow for Dru. They have spent the whole damn game telling themself this: that they don’t really blame Bhelen for what he did, not because they would do the same thing in his place, but because it gave her the life she always wanted for herself.

And when she had to confront Trian in the Temple of Sacred Ashes, she also had to confront for the first time that that wasn’t true.

When she says this, she’s trying to prompt Bhelen to disagree with her. At this point, she’s given up on an apology! But some inkling of remorse, some faint recognition of their suffering, even just a recognition of them! Just s o m e t h i n g from the brother they lived and grew up alongside.

And how does Bhelen respond?

Bhelen: And I guess you’ve finally learned something about politics.

When I tell you that I, the player, almost started crying! It’s so cruel and so unfair I want to scream into a pillow about it!!! Dru never asked for any of this! They didn’t want the burden of royal responsibility, and they certainly didn’t want the cutthroat death sentence it came with. She spends the first half of this entire conversation trying to connect with Bhelen and meet him on some common familial grounds, and he mocks and disdains her throughout for those very efforts.

It breaks my fucking heart, and that’s before the younger sibling smugness of it all makes me want to punch his fucking teeth in. I’m not gonna type up the rest of the convo, but I wanted to highlight two more moments because they pile onto the slimy awful insidiousness of this whole reunion.

The first is:

Dru: I thought you were such a strong ruler, Bhelen.

Bhelen: I can hold my throne, thank you. But I cannot hold it and send the troops you need. Or do you take back that request? ... I didn’t think so.

And the second is:

Dru: Just point me at [Jarvia] and your trouble’s over

Bhelen: Your eagerness is charming.

I--------- /muffled incoherent screeching/ THE FUCKING CONDESCENSION OF IT ALL Bhelen knows he has what Dru wants as much as he knows that they’re not going to go to Harrowmont for help, so he can dangle his help over her fucking head.

It’s just such a different tone than what you get with the other treaty quests. In both the Circle and the Brecilian Forest, your interactions are more... mutual? The mages and the Dalish will not help you until you help them, but they’re fighting for survival. Bhelen tells you point blank: I do not need your help, but you need mine, and I’m going to be such a smarmy DICK ABOUT IT.

He spends the entire conversation talking down to Dru, and it leaves her desperate and unmoored and angry, and they go get shitfaced in Tapster’s before going to Dust Town.