#at least I’m not worse off
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i’ve gotten really really good at lying to get out of things, especially work. i feel morally conflicted about it. and i hope also that i’m not just being a “lazy fuck” that doesn’t want to go to work. i can own up to the fact that i used to be a piece of shit. (people can change) but i dunno… if we lived in a society where i could be honest and say “I’m experiencing severe burnout right now and not coming in today will allow me to continue coming in in the long-term” and have that be okay, i wouldn’t have to lie about it. and honestly? if we lived in a society with that much mutual respect as a baseline, i’m betting that i wouldn’t be experiencing this much burnout in the first place.
#im so fucking tired#and I’m trying so god damn hard to raise my threshold#I am#but I am so poor#and so small#I am exhausted#and I need rest#and yet I can’t have it#I need to work even harder to rest#but I don’t see being able to rest happening any time soon#at least I’m not worse off#at least I can lie and get away with it with zero consequences#maybe that’s god forgiving me and showing me mercy#I will pick myself up tomorrow and try again#but today I will rest#brain juice#me
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I think it says something that Jimmy absolutely destroyed the crew and ship in half the time Curly was captain. Like he couldn’t even get them past 2 full months before breaking down.
Like he really couldn’t be half the man he thought Curly was.
#like I think it’s crazy cause the whole trip from when we start the game is like 6 months#they are only six months into the trip post crash it’s why getting help was so futile#they had to survive another 6-7 with almost no resources sense most actual food resources where blocked off or destroyed#I see people saying they were surviving for six months after the crash or at least five but it’s only two#they were on the ship for 4 months before hand like the time frames we play are extremely small in retrospect#it’s like what 187 days when we get into the game? that’s about 6 months total#like I’m sorry this is also about peop saying Anya was liek 5 months pregnant but I think a big point is the assault just happened and Curly#didn’t react to it correct initially cause like have you seen someone whose 5 months pregnant? Anya is clearly not even with artistic l#liberty like 2 months is perfect because it’s literally like the time when you confirm the pregnancy is stable and can feel the first signs#of life which is why she was getting worse and worse cause it was getting to the point she couldn’t hide it from Swansea and Daisuke and Jim#he already knew but imagine him seeing her with a stomach? he’d lose it completely#it was just showing signs of life hence the ultrasound and horse fetus and the heart beat#like the minimum time is around 8-10 weeks which is two months like the two months is super intentional both in accordance to what he did#and the time before hand#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#nurse anya
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like five commissions would solve so many of my problems right now …. 🌀you want to commission me🌀…. 🌀you want to look at my pinned post and you want to commission me sooooo bad🌀…….
a few recent commissions ⬇️
been loving leaning into more illustration/poster work and would love to do more!!
#i’m like out of options LOL#like everyone else i’ve been applying to probably hundreds of jobs and like everyone else i can’t get SHIT#my options are 1) stay out here and suffer 2) beg my parents to help me move home and REALLY truly suffer (this one isn’t really an option)#or like 3) go lay in the dirt indefinitely idk i’m in over my head and i made a mistake moving but it’s too late to back out!#going home wouldn’t be good for anyone least of all me!#idk i feel like everyone is judging me for thinking i had it good then falling flat on my face anyways#i feel like it was some kind of sick joke that i finally for once felt stable and happy just to get it yanked away from me#and be worse off than before#sorry i’m really emotional because i’ve been going through it so hard for so long and i’m really exhausted#i hate getting on here and begging for work but idk what else to do right now#mine#arty art
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translating “five nights at Freddy’s” by the living tombstone into Irish except Irish has a completely different grammar structure and direct translation means I have to speak so quickly I sound like I’m from animal crossing
#five nights at freddy's#irish#gaeilge#its a struggle fr#It started off simple. Cúig oíche ag Freddy’s#though it probably should’ve been cúig oíche ag bialann fhreddy but I’m not going to go that deep into it rn#But then you get to sentences like “is this where you want to be?” And suddenly#“An é seo an áit ba mhaith leat a bheith?#Or worse.#Like i understand the sentences look about the same length but there’s like at least 1.5x the amount of syllables in the Irish one
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I miss when I could listen to an episode of TMA and not be completely emotionally eviscerated afterwards
#just listened to MAG 162#the amount of times I had to just pause and stare off into space like#when Sasha said I’m unforgettable???? Fuck off#John’s whole speech about Martin and the cabin??? I could not handle that#also Jon you sweet idiot CLEARLY that was not just venting#LIKE THAT DEFINITELY CAME at least partially FROM SOMETHING EXTERNAL#Haven’t you learnt not to trust what feels 'right' by now????#and I’m sure it’s only going to get worse 😭#I wish I didn’t know this was a tragedy so I could have an ounce of the hope that Jon and Martin have rn#micro reacts to tma#mag 162#tma#the Magnus archives#tma s5
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i have to say it is one of the weirdest feelings ever to have your hometown get hit by (basically) a hurricane while you’re on the opposite side of the country, especially if you just spent like a year and a half there and you’re also about to spend a few more months there, but you weren’t there for the hurricane, and now you’re about to fly back, but to what exactly….
#i don’t think my dad lost power but i think my mom did at least temporarily#a tree fell on my dad’s fence but it could’ve been way worse because someone in the neighborhood had a tree fall on their roof#and of course my mom’s mailbox got uprooted by the tree/pole beside it. like what the hell#this DOESN’T happen in that part of the state and yet it did! and i think north carolina got it even worse#just based off everything i’m seeing. and guess who’s flying into CLT…
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Honestly everything I hear about the admin situation sounds like Quackity going “this seems like a good idea” and then it’s revealed that it probably was not the best idea
#qsmp#qsmp neg#qsmp situation#guy wants to be hands off with the server?#terrible management tears it’s head and he gets robbed#he leaves social media (when exactly I’m unsure)#but it cuts him off from being contacted through said media#he doesn’t want to get peoples hopes up and avoid info being leaked that could make things worse in the fandom?#swings into the opposite problem where his lack of communication is hurting his employees#the Studio likely needs a way to start funding itself#the only new merch he has to offer is of the eggs#I feel for the guy#I’d be having a mental break down if I was in his position#or at least need a higher dosage of anxiety meds#it’s not too surprising though#trying to solve problems sometimes means you end up making questionable or hurtful decisions#I wasn’t ever expecting this to be a solved without another problem(s) coming up
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OMG I JUST SAW SOMEONE ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO USE YOUR ART AS A SPOTIFY COVER I'M SORRY I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO ASK AND JUST USED ONE OF YOUR RWRB ARTS AS A PLAYLIST COVER 😭😭
AS AN APOLOGY HERE IS THE LINK:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1sRZC6YicR64ALotVQz9je?si=CJL_wPUtSv-wI45IRXSUdw
HAHA no worries!! you can totally use my art for spotify playlists, no need to ask! you can credit me in the sub caption if you want to so i’ll find your playlists 🥰
#this and edits and journal entries - i’m fine with people using my art!#just please don’t repost as it is on platforms. especially without crediting#pinterest is the WORST culprit for that#i hate that site so much#and it’s worse when people post comics without the full context 😕#bc i swear i ran into a repost of the willelmike beach day comic’s last page and people were being really weird about it in the comments#if you’re gonna repost it at least repost it with the full context goddamn.#sorry i went off tangent!!#thank you for asking 🥰#anonymous#askovna
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Digitalised + coloured + redesigned version of my Suiren and Vaatu sketch from two days ago, as promised!!
Coming up with Suiren’s design was a very long process of trying and failing because after you’ve drawn 9+ different versions of one character, the creativity starts to run a little dry, but I’m actually really proud of this one, she looks absolutely adorable <3
(Also yeah I did mostly just scribble Vaatu’s pattern because who has the energy to draw the all out accurately. Not me, that’s who, I’m chronically tired. People who draw him on the regular have my utmost respect. He’s still a funky little guy though :D)
Bonus, Raava incessantly screaming inside Suiren (and being completely ignored because Suiren is tired of her) while all this is happening:
#and yeah I did say I’d do a fuckass background but all my energy went to figuring out Suiren’s design#plus I suck at backgrounds so.. woe. LoK screenshot be upon ye#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#avatar suiren au#original character#sotrl suiren#vaatu#I don’t really know what to say in these tags lmao#usually I reach the tag limit really really easily but between my previous post and answering that ask I’ve ran out of things to say#someone please indulge me in this au I have Way Too Many Thoughts about it#hmm…#you know. I think people often make different avatar aus because they dislike Korra or think she’s a bad avatar#I don’t. I love Korra. I would kill and die for her#(says the red lotus stan. yes I’m well aware. no need to call me out)#and I think she’s a good avatar who was dealt a shitty hand both in universe and by the show’s production team#I’m making this au BECAUSE I love Korra. if Suiren is the avatar Korra gets to be a normal SWT girl#she’ll get to grow up with her parents. not isolated and degraded all the time for not being perfect. maybe she’d have a sibling or two#and Suiren gets spared her sotrl trauma too. win win for everyone!!#(I return Suiren gets the weight of the world on her shoulders lmao. but it’s fine. 1. she isn’t alone in it. she has her family#2. three quarters of the LoK threats are basically automatically eliminated for her. the RL are her parents. she fuses with Vaatu#and all she has to do to defeat Kuvira is to take her dress off 😁 /hj. basically. she’ll be okay. better than in sotrl at least)#also look. I love Suiren. she’s my dear child who’s been with me since I was 12. of course I wanna make her the main character in everything#and dark avatar Korra AUs have been done countless times before me. Kat’s doing one right now!! I just wanna do something that’s my own#and also I wanna focus less on pain and trauma for once and more on the sheer hilarity of the shenanigans that will occur post-fusion#cause this isn’t Adumbration where Korra lets Raava go and fuses with Vaatu instead. here Suiren’s got both of them at the same time#and they have 10000 years’ worth of grievances to air out. it’s like living with your divorced parents#trust me I would know. except mine aren’t divorced. they’re Worse and everyone wishes they’d just separate#anyway. that aside. Suiren’s not getting any sleep any time soon while those two duke it out
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Op… you make a lot of interesting claims in this post. To get the facts straight before I go on a rant… 1) George claims that Rhaegar was a love struck prince 2) the books don’t mention anything about any marriages being annulled/anyone being set aside 3) seems like Dorne has no issue with Rhaegar and 4) Ned literally never thinks anything bad about Rhaegar… but thinks ill of Robert.
First off, a man trapped in a duty bound marriage and finding love outside that marriage is completely different from a whoremonger shouting about his love while visiting brothels whenever he could. And guess what… Ned straight up thinks that Rhaegar didn’t seem like someone who’d visit brothels. Robert and Rhaegar couldn’t be any more different.
And when did Lyanna want to be wild and free? When is it ever said that Rhaegar locked her in the tower of joy and that Lyanna was a prisoner?
Ned never even alludes to there being any truth in any of these claims. What we do know is that Lyanna greatly resembles Arya in looks and personality… and Arya wants to be a high septon and kings counselor, meaning Arya wants to have a position of power and not be reduced to a baby making machine. Going off of that… it seems like Lyanna didn’t want to be “wild and free,” she just wanted to be treated with respect. The only reason Arya is even treated like she’s wild is because she doesn’t conform to the Westerosi standards for highborn women.
And of course she’d feel miserable when she heard Aerys killed her brother and father. Aerys. Not Rhaegar. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she felt guilt about what happened, but in the end it was Aerys who brutally killed them. And then Rhaegar goes to protect his family and dies, and then Rhaegar’s family is brutally killed and then Lyanna dies. George did claim that the greatest love stories are the tragedies (i may be misremembering but i know he said something along the lines of that lmao).
Op, you claim that Rhaelyas love would’ve died after getting news of the Starks deaths, and then you try to suggest that Rhaegar may have been keeping Lyanna isolated from news in Dorne… like please pick a story to go with! And Rhaelyas love dying or Lyanna not being kept updated on what was going on outside of Dorne just doesn’t seem to be true. When reading Neds chapters, it seems like Lyanna was fully aware of what happened to Rhaegar’s children and Elia… as Lyanna pleaded with Ned like how Sansa pleaded with Ned to not kill Lady (hope i’m not misremembering here lol). And Rhaegar dying with a woman’s name on his lips (likely Lyanna’s name) and Lyanna clutching a winter rose (this may just be symbolism for baby Jon tbh) until she passed away seems to contradict your belief that their love died.
Also, where are you getting the “Rhaegar would suggest to set aside his kids and wife to marry Lyanna” from? The show? You mention how Lyanna would not be okay with this, and I agree that Lyanna would never be fine with setting Elia and Elia’s children aside. But even thinking that Rhaegar would ever even suggest setting aside Elia and his children is bonkers. Like seriously… there was so much tension between Aerys and Rhaegar that the Royal court was said to have begun looking like the situation before the Dance of the Dragons. And Dorne was Rhaegar’s greatest support! Why would it make any sense for him to annul his marriage with Elia? And please remember that during the sack Rhaenys hid under her fathers bed. The text supports him loving his kids/his child who wasn’t a baby seeking to be protected by him so why would he endanger them and their positions? (and no, disappearing with Lyanna for awhile isn’t him endangering his family. Aerys was the one who endangered his family (hot take brandon was the one who endangered the starks like wth was he thinking???). and tbh it seems like Aerys knew exactly where to find Rhaegar so did Rhaegar and Lyanna even disappear? or were they just keeping their location a secret from the rebels? the rebels who ended up killing Rhaegar’s family?)
I will say that how op first started to characterize Lyanna is something I agree with, her being principled, noble, honorable, and just with a sensitive side seems to be true, but then op goes on to continue to claim that Lyanna was wild and that she had little regard as to how other people perceived her. There’s no reason for us to believe that she didn’t care about what others thought of her or that she was wild and wanted freedom more than anything, it just seems like she dared to tread away from what was expected of Westerosi highborn women and that she didn’t want to be married to Robert. And guess what… Robert ended up being an abuser! *gasp* Lyanna dear… you clocked Robert right away.
And seriously… how does any of what op mentioned back up their claim that Lyanna would never resign herself to the position of a mistress? Is being a mistress/paramour really that bad? Does it truly seem like Lyanna would look down on those women? Her mini me Arya doesn’t look down on the courtesans of Braavos who occupy a similar position as mistresses in society. And it seems like plenty of noblewomen have been mistresses in the past and they are still as respected as a woman can be in Westerosi society. Missy Blackwood and Elaena Targaryen are right there. And Op, if Lyanna was Rhaegar’s mistress, why would you think that Lyanna couldn’t have been happy? Are we going to doubt Ellarias happiness and her love of Oberyn because they weren’t married? Should I doubt Rhaenyra and Harwins happiness because Rhaenyra was married to Laenor? Rhaegar and Elias marriage was not a love match. And if Rhaegar and Lyanna did marry… ever wonder if polygamy was introduced as a Valyrian practice by George to hint at Rhaegar taking a second wife? Should I now doubt Rhaenys and Aegons happiness and love because Rhaenys was Aegons second wife?
Now can we please stop acting like two people married due to duty have any reason to love each other? Nedcat seems to be an exception in Westeros. Lyanna and Rhaegar falling in love isn’t ruining Elia and Rhaegar’s marriage when love wasn’t there in the first place.
haha my whole post is a bit messy i just wanted to get my thoughts out :)
fuckkkk i want to tag more (my tags are a mess lmao no i’ve not gone through them and no they will not make any sense)
#robert was a brute#when did lyanna seem disgusted by roberts bastards?#seems like she was just disgusted by roberts behavior of claiming to love her while visiting brothels#say it with me folks: there’s not a single mention of rhaegar loving elia their marriage was for duty#so no rhaegar is not like robert bc rhaegar found love outside of his marriage of duty#robert treated lyanna like an object and never even saw/loved the real her#lyanna clocked that and later fell in love with a man who loved the real her#aka the knight of the laughing tree#yeah the text hasn’t truly confirmed anything yet but at least my version of events isn’t contradicted by the books#omg ppl need to stop acting like being a mistress is some morally corrupt position god damn#nedcat you will always be famous#but jon snow will always be even more famous#bc he’s rhaelyas love child#rip rhaegar lyanna and elia i’ll save you guys from tumblr bad takes#i love that george makes it clear that marriages of duty can be nasty affairs#and tumblr desides to demonize characters who dared to find love instead of criticizing the system of selling daughters off like broodmares#like bruh i would be sooo happy to learn if elia had a paramour on the side#i’m looking at you elia x ashara shippers#tho i don’t think that they had a romantic relationship i do find it hilarious that ppl who claim rhaegar is horrible and endangered his#…family turn around and applaud elia for potentially doing the same…#couldn’t be me tho i pretend that rhaelya and their children are perfectly happy and that elia found love as well#as i think rhaelya were well in their rights to go against the system that tried making them miserable and i hope elia did the same#these tags are a mess and kinda don’t make sense lmao#rhaegar targaryen you will always be famous#asoiaf fandom critical#rip boar you will be missed#robert deserved worse#ppl need to stop acting like rhaelya is homewrecking when george himself calls elia and rhaegar’s marriage complex#jon will learn that his parents were in love and he’ll learn good shit about them and he’ll think good thoughts about them#and then this fandom will go insane and jon will start being hated like dany for daring to love his parents
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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out of context pomegranate ink chapter 25 / shibuya incident pomegranate ink version spoilers
#mr l/n making toji look like the father of the year ❤️🔥#can’t believe i’m saying this but y/n would genuinely have been better off if toji was her father#at least he would’ve only abandoned her LMAOAOAO mr l/n is like actively making her life worse#pomegranate ink#m’s thoughts
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That AWESOME BPD feeling when your ex who hurt you throughout the relationship over and over again and made you feel like an intrinsic part of yourself was wrong has no problems post-breakup and feels fine and is laughing with their friends and having a great time and not feeling bad at all and also she’s your roommate so you have to listen to it :) what if I killed myself
#wolvenwhispers#vent#ik this thinking is unhealthy but god#why am I so unlovable#everyone fucking leaves me behind and uses me and cuts me off#at least this time the person stayed by me as my roommate and didn’t just fuck off#but like sometimes that’s worse#cause I’m forced to watch her completely move on like nothing happened and I’m just HHGGWWGGWGWGWGW FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!#I already had multiple conversations with her communicating how she hurt me in the relationship#and how that hurt lead to a lot of my struggle behaviors near the end of our relationship and afterwards#so I don’t wanna be a dick and keep bringing shit up but god it’s so fucking painful#I’m never gonna find someone who sees me for me and actually likes the person they find#I’m fat and ugly and mentally ill and all my interests are fucking stupid and I’m useless and lazy#I deserve to rot in my bed and never get up again
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it’s like actually so phenomenal to me that jack is somehow the best worst written character ever. like yes your honor he’s a plot convenience device mirror foil but it’s not his fault. my client was simply doomed by the narrative
#I don’t know how to continue this post#I’m tired and I think my excedrin is wearing off lol#spn#supernatural#jack kline#like yes officer he’s the best guy around but god his writing is so fucking bad I need to save him from it#I trust nobody with jack except for yockey and bobo and that other guy whose name is failing me#at least they tried. but did anyone else try? did anyone else care? nooopeeee!!!!!#spn meta#sort of#he’s literally doomed by the narrative in real life isn’t that so fucking sick#brought to you by my autism getting worse and also me having to call off my first day of my second job because god hates me
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was trying to get home from a work training and the gps put me on the highway 😱
#im still reeling#y’all…I’m apprehensive driver and it’s worse when it’s nighttime#I literally almost stopped at the entrance to the highway and there was a bunch of cars behind me I had no choice but to continue 😭#at least i got off at the first exit#too many close calls tonight I’m gonna lie down#click clack#my settings probably went to the default without excluding highways and tolls
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i am literally so mad that i have waited years to write this review of Daffy’s Southern Exposure and when i finally do i get the worst cold i have had at least within the past 5 years and am too sick to write a substantial amount. like come on. COME ON! i would almost rather it be COVID because that’s at least a valid excuse!!!!! sorry this post nasal drip made me nauseous and then i got mad that i was nauseous because i also had a bad stomach bug two weeks ago that also prevented me from writing. needless to say i hope you all enjoy the review when it’s out because my goodness it is giving me a hard time. thank you for your patience again 😤🙏
#i’m so maddddd i was writing a good amount today too and then bam nausea because of my stupid sinuses draining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i have lemon ginger tea but i can’t even taste it because i’m so congested#this has been worse than the two times i had COVID because my COVID symptoms manifest as fever and aches and fatigue and i can at least just#sleep that off!! not with this stupid cold!!!!!!!#i used to get colds literally every month when i was still in school and my drama director once said i had the immune system of a gnat which#is true. so i’m lucky that i haven’t had a cold this bad/maybe at all at least since i graduated high school since that was pre covid times#but since i’m not not used to being substantially sick anymore it means i’m gonna complain about it when i am sick so there 😤#okay. sorry. just needed to bitch. back i go to playing Animal Crossig and Pokémon i guess since my body can’t handle any more than that!!!!
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