#at least I dont remember having one?? maybe I did and I couldnt be bothered to check tbh.

[fadewalking]

I am reconsidering some things for this blog.

[morphringwiselove]

rambling about art struggles (sorry)

i think what's limiting me during drawing is that im thinking too much about line art / not knowing how to combine line art and color in a manner that im satisfied with

really sorry for how rambly this gets forgive me (this is also barely edited and im barely conscious)

95% of the art i made in my life has been done traditionally and in monochrome; usually i dont bother to ever color it bc i only had access to shitty colored pencils and everytime it would always fuck it up, constantly smudging into each other

4% of the time was like when i was in middle school and discovered how to fucking pirate paint tool sai and i blindly did whatever i could with a mouse (read: i gave myself carpel tunnel a lot lmao). i think i still have access to like 4 drawings i did thanks to google photos and the only ones i can really look back on positively were the line art ones and even then thats cause i used deviantart bases lol

heres the literal 1%: i did an art class back in late 2020 - early 2021 (can't remember what level it was? or what it specialized? it was the third art class i ever took. it might be intro to painting?) and i got to use acrylic paint for an assignment! i fucked up using it because i painted it with the goal of filling up the insides of the lineart instead of using the palette knife to create texture. my subject was an otter in the water (fun thing to say) and the assignment was to create some form of pop art, depict contrast w color (otters are brown i know, wanted to use orange highlights against the blue water) and to show i know how to depict varying textures (fur, liquid).

i did not know how to fucking do that!!! couldnt get any help either due to covid fucking happening and my poor ass's only connection to the internet was my fucking phone data and it was draining fast LMAO

the reason as to why i was so poor was because back in October 2019 my life fucking got flipped upside down and i had to give up a lot and had to desperately try to find a job while being a student. (will not go into specific detail due to me not wanting a pity party about it and it being too personal. im only going to say that caregiver burnout is fucking hell)

a prior assignment to that class had us practicing on depicting textures on some sort of paper (it was stiff yet bendable iirc) with a white and black color pencil (white for fur, black for eyes). i was watching aggretsuko at the time and fenneko is a fav of mine so i picked that type of fox as my subject. im really proud of the way i depicted the fur but fucking hated how i fucked up the eyes. was supposed to show the "glossiness" of it and i dont have a pet irl to reference so ahhhHHHH it ruined the piece for me. pretty sure i have it saved somewhere but since its not fandom related im hesitant to post it.

overall the class made me realise that regardless of skill i rlly like drawing textures and i dont really understand why? tried to reasoned it out to be that i just really like textured blankets and that theyre comforting. i purr like a fucking cat when i like hug one and i hate it

i feel like nowadays with how scatterbrained and stressed i am i visualize blobs of color in my mind instead of clear subjects with clear outlines. i feel like i need to embrace that side more (or at least try starting with that when doing digital art). maybe now i wont be so fucking stuck and pressing ctrl z all the time lol

[childhoodtv-kalimthefairy]

RidoAce week Day 1

Day 1: Childhood/Family

Yes I have a fic accompanying this drawing that took 3 hours and somehow ended up shitty. Also yes I’ll be doing both for each day, I am dedicated to this. I blame @writesology for getting me hooked on this ship. Anyways, Enjoy :)

When Riddle thinks about his childhood, he wouldn’t say it was a particularly exciting one. Really, it was more like a routine, he never had time to play with other kids because he was either studying or practicing magic. He remembered how he’d look outside his window, seeing kids playing and think to himself “Why would they waste there time? They don’t have a lot of time in life, why not dedicate it to preparing for a good future?”

Thinking back on it, he realized how idiotic it was. He didn’t know that though, at least until he met Trey and Chenya that fateful day. He remembered how they urged him to come outside to play with them, how that turned out to be one of the best decisions he has ever made. That day, for the first time, Riddle felt like a kid, a type of kid he read in his stories. Of course, everything must come to an end, that for Riddle was when his mother found out and banned him from independent studies. After that, for a few years, he forgot how it was like to be a kid. 

Then he went to Night Raven College, where he reached the rope really quickly. Still, he wasn’t well liked, his temper and stricklier for the rules wasn’t something people liked. And for a while, he was fine with that.

Until he Overbloted.

In hindsight, he should’ve seen it coming. How all the repressed emotions, over use of his magic, and his general unhappiness made him finally reach his breaking point. Funny enough, the way he broke wasn’t cause of pressure, it was cause a loud-mouth first year decided that he had enough.  

Ace Trappola. At first, he really did think Ace was attractive. Tall, beautiful eyes and seemed charming enough. Of course after eating his tart, Riddle decided he didn’t like him. He was a annoying, loud- mouth bother to him and he couldn’t see why he thought he was pretty.

But…After he overblotted, apologized to everyone and threw an unbirthday party, Ace seemed to warm up to him. Riddle, upon noticing this, found he didn’t mind.

As the months passed by, he found he really couldn’t shake the thought of the first-year out of his mind again. Everything Ace did, he noticed and it drives him crazy how he keeps finding them endearing. He wishes he could just squash those feelings down every time he talks to Ace, or sees him smile, or just being him just made his heart flutter.

He thought at the time that it would’ve been impossible for him to love him. They were so different, not just that but they had such a weird relationship, friends? Maybe? Something else. He wasnt sure at this point…

But then, much to his shock, Ace confessed. 

It was when they were doing homework, Riddle helping him with a particular math question, when Ace told him.

“Dormhead, I really cant keep it to myself anymore, but i like you.”

And after that, it was history. Genuinely, the last 2 years in NRC had been one of the best years of my life, i felt like a kid again. Ace even gave me a promise ring at when I was graduating…

And now, were living together, almost 5 years later with out-

“Dad!”

Riddle looked up from his writing, grinning at the child who stood infront of him. He had Ace’s hair and personality but Riddles eyes, piercing blue. 

“Daddd, come one papa made some pasta for dinner! He made it pink! Pretty pink!” The child whined, tugging on his fathers arm. Riddle grinned at him, “Now that sounds good right now. Will you take me to him, Orion?” Riddle asked, picking him up and kissing his cheeks. Just as he said that, Ace popped his head into the room, a grin on his own face. “Come on you two, dinner is gonna get cold if you dont get out here!”

Riddle and Orion nodded, the child kept chanting “pasta” as they went to dining room. As they sat down at the table, Riddle couldnt help but reminisc a bit. I mean, he was writing a book about his life since all his mothers…unsaviory, practicies came to light. Plus, he wanted to have something to look back on. But he couldnt help but think how ironic this was.

As a child he was told to look forward, follow the rules, marry a woman and to act maturely. But here he was, sitting with his husband and child, chatting happily, not caring for the rules currently.

If he thinks about it, alot of this is thanks to Ace, Trey and the others.

He has alot to be happy about.

If he could go back in time, hed tell his youngerself to love himself a little bit more. Take risks and to not listen to his mother.

But, if he did he would miss all of this, wouldnt he?

[away-ward]

I love that you mentioned that emmy and alex's ways of dealing with depression or hard life is not one better than the other, but because of the narrative, it might seem like it is, depending on who read it. What pisses me off about pd is when they were asked in a goodreads question/fb group a few years back about what emmy did all those years she was away to california, pd merrily replied: i dont know. Like... WTF. Thats the thing, we didnt even get will's pov as much when he was drunk, but we got so much intervention from unnecessary side characters. I remember when nightfall was first released, so many people hated emmy on twitter and fb groups, some even made fanfics of willalex in the chatgroup lmao, even when pd already said in their fb page that people were very quick to judge women like emmy when they liked damon, but that didnt really stop the haters though. But can you really blame these fans when pd kept on hyping up willdamon and willalex all those time? Why hype them up so unnecessarily when there would be no follow up of their relationship later because the endgame was already set in stones? It just came back to bite pd in her ass.

During that summer/fall of nightfall's release, so many illemmy fans were super mad and i believe it was the book that pd got the most hates from FANS because of the way they wrote emmy. Many fand on twitter accused pd writing so much alex's involvement in nightfall as a fan service for alex's fans because these fans then demanded too much and unfortunately, they got it. Then Fall Away wasnt hyped as much by pd's fans because of this backlash, and now even Motel, a novel set in the same universe as Birthday Girl was announced to be put on hold from writing and publication because pd said they couldnt force themself to write this novel no matter how many times they tried. Unsurprisingly, Motel was supposed to come out a few years ago near nightfall and fall away. Pd also implied a couple of times that they couldnt continue writing their stories because the fans' expectation and the stories that they actually wanted to write are different so they would be stuck in a pickle. Honestly, readers should just leave pd alone because i knew damn well nightfall was not supposed to be written like that, if pd werent so pressured by all those fb moms for their damon and alex's fascination years ago. Writers should stay away from fan spaces, and fans shouldnt bother authors and just write their own headcanons or fanfics for things they wanted to read outside of canon, instead of demanding things from the author. Or else, things like this will happen.

Can you imagine if pd actually wasnt that influenced by those fans or haters all those years, we could actually get a solid willemmy story in nightfall. I dont know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but there will be a special edition that will be released in america only (so far) that will include qnas, letters, bonus and contents for each couple? If youre from the US, maybe you can get your hands on them. Unfortunately, im not from the US, and i dont even live near the US, so im not able to get them but im sure those contents will be spread anyway hopefully.

+I was cackling at that damon torrance hate ask, because yes, it's always a damon torrance bully hate hour, haha! Hope theyre doing well though, damon is just a fictional character after all, no need to stress out too much. Just pray we dont meet someone like him irl.

I did read PD’s response and felt some negative way about it. For me, even if I’m not writing that part of the story, I have to at least know what happened because it might become relevant. But then, I go too far like that (as I’m sure you all can tell now). But PD’s process is probably very different from mine and, hey, at least they’ve finished and published multiple series and stand-alone’s…which I have not. So, I’m not here to criticize their method.

I didn’t know PD had called the fandom out on their dislike for Emmy when NF was released. I can’t imagine having to deal with that level of vitriol, especially about something I created.

I will admit that I’ve written myself into a corner before, without the help of anyone else lol. And once you get stuck in the corner, it’s really hard to get out without feeling overwhelmed. If PD had let other people control the narrative, even indirectly, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get back on track. But you have to deal with it. It makes sense that the fear of backlash would paralyze them. Not saying it’s right or fair but writing and inspiration doesn’t work like that.

You’re absolutely right. As the author, PD should have left the fandom spaces long before writing, but it’s really hard to. Writers thrive on feedback and comments, and if they had found a place that gave them constant feedback and validation for what they were doing, and throwing out ideas (hey, free inspiration!) then I understand why they didn’t peel themselves away. The fandom should have never been given any power of the story. But yeah, once it was published, readers should go to the author’s space to complain. If the author wants to hear their negative feedback (which we all know we’ll get at some point) they’ll find it when they’re ready to process it. It’s never warranted to go directly to the author and throw hate in their face.

I do wonder what things would have changed if the story had been influenced by the fans. A more fleshed out Willemmy would have been great.

I hadn’t been aware of the special edition release. Honestly, I’m surprised. I figured after the most recent cover change, that would be the last PD was going to touch the series for a few more years. That bonus content could be really interesting, and I hope we get something good. It most likely will be spread and made available some place.

Omg. Yes. Like I said, I usually get these either first thing in the morning or right before I go to bed, so I’m half-asleep when I read them the first time and let me tell you…opening my ask box to that comment was confusing the say the least. I was like “what did I say??” but then I realized they were just ranting in general, so it was fine. But goodness. I can’t imagine getting that upset, but I know it’s just the way some in the fandom respond to people disagreeing with them and criticizing their fav. I hope they were okay with my response. And yeah…let’s hope we don’t meet a Damon Torrance in real life.

[tsukasageorge]

8 10 12 14 16 18 artist ask

nico is carrying my entire inbox

1. what is your favorite color to work with?

pink and purple my beloved. red is cool too

2. who is your favorite character to draw?

(shoves mound of alluka drawings under the table) i do not have a favorite ahaha maybe aubrey because she has long hair 😊😊😊😊😊😊

3. what song(s) do you listen to when you do art?

a lot

4. how often do you draw?

at least every few days. it's pretty rare for me to go more than a week without drawing nowadays but i used to draw much less regularly and improved so much slower

5. digital or traditional?

digital! traditional is nice in small doses. i think im done with normal pencils i prefer either painting or like. charcoal as i recently discovered

6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!

UH. UH. YOU DO I TAG YOUR ART BLOG OR MAIN. @shitbox-drawn my friend who's not on tumblr but she was my first art mutal ever i love her her names kyoki um. ngl i dont know anyone's name. tiucotheus (i dont wanna tag them i feel like id bother them) & yuumei art. hyperpop type art has been a pretty big inspiration for me recently i love colors

7. do you prefer sketching, outlining, or coloring?

sketching <3 lineart is to me what coloring is to normal people. it's relaxing sometimes but i need 1 million stabilzer. you already know how i feel about coloring

8. show us at least 2-3 drawings from 1-2 years ago.

this is the iconic sibling moment i was talking about. its roughly a year old now, and looks pretty stiff, but it was like. kinda insanely good for my skill at the time. pretty big point in my art history

here's one from 2021, its one of the oldest drawings i have on my computer. gilda was supposed to be there but i couldnt draw her so i gave up

9. what drawing program do you use? (if the artist does digital art)

clip studio paint my beloved

10. are you right or left handed?

right

11. warm or cool colors?

why are we pitting two bad bitches against each other..... personally i like ourple

12. draw one of your favorite characters in 15 seconds.

unlluka

14. what was something that you used to draw a lot that you don’t draw as much anymore?

um. bows i guess? butterfly wings, i really liked drawing those for a bit (i drew like 2 ever)

15. when was the last time you did art?

1 minutes ago if u count unlluka. i did draw earlier today though

16. what kind of tablet do you use? v v 

the wacom one its like. flat. no screen

17. (alternative for traditional art ) ^ ^  do you work with pencils or pens more often?

pencils my beloved

18. how long have you been drawing/ when did you officially “declare” yourself as an artist?

i considered myself an artist when i actually drew something and didn't just shade a picture. i've been drawing for probably like... 4 years now??? that's insane i swear it was 3 yesterday

19. do you like drawing short hair or longer hair more?

LONG HAIR ESPECIALLY THE KIND THAT IS SLIGHTLY WAVY

20. how often do you get art block?

not in my art block era but if i dont have an idea then yeah

21. draw one of your original characters.

not gonna lie i actually dont really like my ocs but anyways this one is nyx they're chaotic silly. remember that royal who randomly disappeared 3 years ago yeah thats them they were hanging out w some dragons this whol time

22. do you use a mac or pc to do (digital) art?

pc

23. draw your fav as a vampire

i will do this as not an ask bc i want to put actual effort into it

24. how many followers do you have? (on your art blog)

like 23 iirc but lets say 24 so it matches with the question number

25. where in your house do you usually do art?

exclusively on my bed but i drew nyx on nicos bed

26. draw urself! (it doesn’t have to be detailed)

same as 23 ive been meaning to make a meet the artist for a while

[toutallyahoe]

Dear, you need to stop exposing yourself. How am I supposed to friendly bully you if you keep doing it to yourself? =P

jk, love you. Anyway, cause I have actually seen a RE2 playthrough and remember like maybe 5% of it, please do give me your nsfw thoughts on Leon.

pairing(s): leon kennedy x male reader

warnings: cursing, nsfw content ahead

a/n: cn, daeling, i literally am trying but unfortunately i have half a braincell and asdagjsjdkfjdjdfafa *sobs* 😭😭😭

but anyways, i think someone asked for my hcs on leon's kinks awhile ago but imma just compile it here like i did with ethan's as well 😌😌😌

also, i still havent finished re2 yet so adsgjskdkdksldkjfksjdjf

leon is affection starve (whether he admits it or not)

and that he has a bit of an abandonment issues

but anyways—

leon is affection starve. period.

he didnt knew it at first until you came along and made him feel love and adored for the first time in his life

this leads to him wanting more physical contact while having sex

as well as him having a praise kink

call him handsome, pretty boy or your baby boy and this man will go soft

just praise him please

or have your hands roam and touch his entire body while whispering praises on his skin

but back to the physical thing

leon needs to have your hands either hold his hips in place when you pound into him

press yourself close to him and remind him that you are right beside him please

leon adores getting praises as he gets fucked

mate pressing is definitely his favorite position btw

he just wants you close

leon is also very much into biting, not from zombies or anything, but he wants to be marked by yours

mark him as yours that when he wakes up in the morning and see the hickeys and bites you left on his skin

it makes leon smile and reminded what happened with the both of you the night before

leon loves you so much and will sacrifice everything for you

which is very sweet of him really

but anyways, more nsfw!!!

welcome home sex is a must due to leon not liking on leaving you alone

especially if leon comes home from a very long job and just wants to forget everything in the world besides you and fucking him hard

you both also mostly have sex either into the living room wall or floor because neither of you couldnt even wait to go to the bedroom

welcome home sex is much more desperate and passionate sex than the usual soft ones you guys do and it mostly a bit more kinkier as well

when you do managed to get into the bedroom though, its really just the same as you fuck him to the floor but at least its soft to slam him there lmao

anyways, teasing leon is fine

he is a bit into foreplay but just dont make it too long or else he'll go power bottom on you even if he is tired af and his body is begging for him to rest

but teasing, yes

teasing and commenting on leon for probably touching himself while he was away with the thought of you fucking him isnt really anything new to you both

leon wouldnt actually masturbate on a mission but he sometimes thinks about it and really tempted since he gets hot and bothered by thinking about you being there and help him blow off some steam

unfortunately for leon, you arent so reasons why the welcome sex is a must

you gotta make up for being too damn sexy to almost make him touch himself in a life or death mission you know!

also just edge leon's pretty ass that has him begging for you to let him cum and fill him up to the brim and make him reminded that he got fucked good please

leon wants to be filled by you and fuck him good that he'll remember it until he goes back for another mission

youre his fuel basically lmao

also, choking

just choking yall

leon gets off to you choking when you both get kinky

which isnt that rare tbh since most soft vanilla you guys do almost always ends with some nice spice added in the mix

anyways, leon loves the way your hands wrapped around his neck and occasionally squeeze to let him know youre in control

he just loves being breathless by you fucking him basically makes him turn on more

he is really into that

god, please choke him while praising how much of a good boy he is

in the end really, leon is just very happy to come back every mission with you welcoming him lovingly with a smile on your lips

[creweemmaeec11]

The Gift of Panic Pt#2

First part

--------------------------------------

After a moment of silence, the villain finially spoke.

"The last birthday present I got..." they started in a quiet, almost whispered tone, "was a bomb..."

"What!?" the hero replied in shock.

"Someone I cared about... though it would be funny to open my present before me as a joke..." they took a deep breath, "they didn't..."

Their voice cracked before they trailed off, and the quickly wiped at their face, abruptly standing up, keeping their back to the hero.

"I don't even know..." the hero replied, trailing off as well. They didnt know what to say, how to respond, what to do. What could they?

"Its fine I just," the villain started, before taking a deep, recomposing breath, "Sorry, I've never told anyone about it,"

"No no, it's okay. God, I can't even imagine..."

"Its alright, I got my revenge in the end," the villain replied, turning back toward the hero.

"Really? How?"

The villain looked at them with a confused expression, before it shifted into an amused smirk, "For legal reasons, and because I don't want to prolong my time in here, I probably shouldn't tell you,"

The hero laughed, "fair point. For what it's worth, I'm glad you got justice, even if it probably isn't the kind of justice I'd agree with,"

"Really? You think I deserve justice?"

"Of course, I think everyone does," the hero said in confusion, as if that was obvious.

The villain huffed a half laugh, giving a small smile, "I need to remember who I'm talking to,"

Both their gazes fell back to the long discarded present on the floor.

"I can take it, if you'd like, but-"

"No no, it's okay, I... I cant believe the words 'I trust you' are coming out of my mouth but I at least trust you didnt gift me a bomb,"

"I don't know if I'm hurt or flattered,"

The villain laughed again, walking over to hesitantly pick up the gift. They turned back to face the hero, holding the box with both hands as they just stared at it.

"The question still remains..." they drawled, before looking up at the hero that was still sat on the bed, "Why would you get me a birthday present?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would you get me a gift? Why would you do something like that? For me? I dont think I'm very... deserving of a gift. Especially from you. Unless whatever is in here is some form of mockery- I mean- I guess I shouldn't assume..."

Their eyes dimmed slightly, as if they realized the only thing that could be in the box was something mocking, a heros form of bragging that they had won.

"Okay now I'm definitely hurt,"

The villain looked back up at them.

"Your my friend, I realized your birthday was coming up, so I thought back on our previous conversations, and tried to get something I thought youd like," the hero replied, moving to sit it a more casual position, "There wasnt any more thought put into it then that,"

The villain was now staring at them with wide eyes.

They blinked, seemingly trying to process what they'd just heard.

"I... have questions..."

The hero smirked, tilting their head as a prompt to continue, amused at the normally silver tounged villain being thrown so off their game by something so simple.

"Friend?" The villain responded almost instantly.

"Oh I'm sorry, what would you call this? Marriage?"

"I'd call this me tolerating your visits, whenever you decide to drop by because you've nothing better to do,"

"Maybe at first, but I've seen the way you recently light up whenever I come in,"

"Then you've *recently* begun going blind. I'd suggest seeing an optometrist,"

The hero laughed, "also, for your information, I make time for these visits, I dont just swing by cuz 'I'm bored',"

The villain squinted at that, "You... make time... for me?"

"Yes, that's what friends do,"

"I am not your friend," the villain replied stubbornly.

"Oh yeah? When was the last time you let someone hug you? I have to have passed the friend mark by now,"

The villain blushed, realizing they *had* allowed the hero to hug them, and they couldnt remeber the last time anyone else had even tried, nevermind been *allowed*.

"this is a dysfunctional work relationship at best"

The hero snorted another laugh at that.

The villain glanced down at the box once more.

Finially they knelt down onto the floor, placing the box infront of them. The stared at it for a few seconds, hands shaking slightly as they hovered over it, before taking a deep breath and tearing the wrapping off.

It was a simple brown box with a lid.

The villain chuckled under their breath slightly at that.

"What?" The hero questioned, not seeing anything funny.

"No, sorry I just-, had a thought,"

The hero raised an eyebrow at them.

"I just thought how funny it would be if after all this it turned out to be empty, but that would be cruel, even for-"

Their sentence came to a halt as the lid came off and they saw what was inside.

Now their wasnt anything incredible inside, it wasnt like they had gotten a new iphone, but there was *many* things inside.

They looked up at the hero, mouth open slightly, not even attempting to hide their shock.

The hero just smiled.

Slowly, the villain began taking things out of the box. A book of puzzles, like crosswords and word searches, a small sketch book and a pack of markers to go with them. A small puzzle, showing the picture of a fox, which was the villains favourite animal. There was also a rubix cube that was already messed up, and a set of other small puzzles. At the bottom, there were two more boxes, one much bigger then the other.

The bigger box contained the Harry Potter book series. The second, contained a small device that looked like an airpod, along with earbuds.

It was fascinating for the hero to watch the villain open their gift. One would expect a villain to be clumsy, rushed, or aggressive, ripping into their present, but they were the opposite. They removed every item slowly, delicately, like it was a peice of glass that could break, examining it with the same gentleness before laying it down carefully beside them.

When they had opened the last item, they looked back up at the hero, completely flabbergasted, jaw on the floor and eyes wide.

The hero laughed quietly, "do you like it?"

"I..." the villain sat back onto their heels from where they were kneeling, looking over the items like they were unsure what to do now, "what..."

They blinked, gathering their thoughts, "how did you...? I mean what-"

They picked up the puzzle as they spoke.

"That's your favourite animal right? A fox? Now I wasnt sure what kind of fox but-"

"How?" The villain asked, almost breathlessly, looking back at the hero.

"How did I know that? You mentioned it, once. I was talking about being a cat or dog person, and you said youd always been a fox person, something about them being 'sly and underestimated, yet smart enough to know when to strike'" they recited, making quotations in the air.

The villains jaw hit the floor again.

"That was actually one of the first things you ever told me about yourself,"

"You bothered... to remeber that...?" they muttered under their breath.

"Yep. The rubix cube is because you bragged to me once you were good at puzzles and could do one, and I didn't believe you," the hero smirked, "still don't,"

The villain huffed a small laugh, before glancing over at the books.

"the puzzle book and sketch book are just something to do, I know markers arnt ideal, but obviously I wasnt allowed to give you any pencils or pens,"

The villain nodded in understanding.

"the books are because I was talking about game of thrones one day, and you said youd always preferred Harry Potter,"

The villain smiled, and shook their head at that, chuckling, "I've never actually read them, I just wanted to disagree with you," they joked.

They both laughed.

"What's this?" The villain asked, picking up the small device with the ear buds.

"Its a little mini portable radio. I didnt know what songs you liked, and obviously, I'm not allowed to give you anything with acsess to the internet, but at least now you can choose what station you want,"

The villain sat back again, looking over everything with the same stunned, almost lost expression.

"You... remebered all those little details... and here I thought I was doing a good job at not letting anything about myself slip..."

"Oh you have been, trying to figure out what to get you was near impossible, but I managed to remeber a couple little things youd mentioned,"

They picked up the rubix cube, playing with it aimlessly, "I... don't even know what to say..."

"Well, most people would say thankyou,"

The villain shook their head, "that dosent seem like enough. I... I cant even remeber the last time someone gave me a gift, nevermind one without strings attached, and esspecially nevermind one with actual thought put into it,"

"I get the feeling you need better friends," the hero joked, trying to keep the mood light.

"Yeah well, I guess I'm on the right track, I've already got one," they replied, but couldnt bring themselves to look at the hero while they did.

The hero in question was lit up like a christmas tree, heart swelling happily in their chest.

"I hate to cut this short, but don't have long today, I'm going to have to get going, I just wanted to make sure I got to swing by today," the hero said, looking at their watch.

"Oh! Yeah, of course, you -"

"Do not have 'more important' things to do, I simply have *other* things I need to do," the hero interrupted sternly, giving the villain, who blushed, a pointed look.

"yeah, that."

The villain stood up, standing awkwardly in the middle of all their gifts, watching the hero leave through the finger print locked cell door. They approached the switch to turn on the force field, when the villain stopped them.

"Oh, hey, wait!"

"What's up?" The hero asked.

Suddenly the villain tossed something through the bars with effortless perfect aim. The hero caught it, and this time it was their jaw that hit the floor.

It was a completed rubix cube.

They looked back at the villain in shock, who laughed, giving them a real, large, and although greatly amused, no less genuine smile. The first real, true smile they'd ever seen on the villain. They couldnt help but stare in awe for a moment.

"What..?" The villain asked after a moment.

The hero shook their head to snap them out of it, "sorry! It's just, that's the first time I think I've ever seen you actually smile,"

Instantly the smile vanished as the villain steeled their features, crossing their arms and shrugging, trying to ignore the blush on their face, "yeah well, that's cuz it dosent happen often, so,"

"I'm honored,"

"Shut up,"

The hero laughed, before looking at the cube in their hand again,"this is like, actually really impressive though, that was so fast!"

The villain shrugged again, "the 3 by 3 ones are easy, the 4 by 4 or 5 ones arnt that much more difficult, the 6 and 7 ones take me a while though, 8 is an actual challenge, and I dont think I've ever done above that before,"

The hero was still staring at them wide eyed.

The villain just chuckled and shrugged at them again, "I was an outcast kid, had alot of time on my hands. Anyway, get going,"

"Yeah, right," the hero replied, tossing the cube back before flicking on the force field. They began walking toward the door, before the villain spoke out to them one last time,

"By the way... thank you... really..."

The hero smiled, "your welcome," they replied, before disappearing out the door.

The next time they visited, they would make sure to bring a 9 by 9 rubix cube, and a fox calendar.

Third part

[miss--aura]

Saw your requests were open! I too love Fatgum so maybe an +18 plus scenario with some angst? Like maybe you were good friends but now both are stuck in limbo after sleeping with each other one night. Confused about what they are. Sorry if I'm not making sense.

Stuck In between

Pairing: Taishiro Toyomitsu x Reader

Warnings: angst, bad smut because I had a headache while writing the ending, idk what to put for warnings, banana milk sucks

Requested by: ness-is-a-vanillabean

On a serious note I decided I don't know how to wrote angst or if this counts as angst lmao.

It was a spur of the moment decision, at least that's what you kept telling yourself. You were drunk, and let your lust get the better of you and now you didn't know what to do.

You shouldn't have let Midnight convince you to go, you shouldn't have taken the wine glass offered to you. It was all just some big mistake that you made, and it landed you where you are now.

You haven't left your house in a week and you certainly havent been checking any messages on your phone. Luckily you could work from home, but you couldnt hide forever.

"God, I'm so stupid!" Slamming your head on your desk with a groan, tears forming in your eyes as you choke out a sob.

No matter how hard you tried it kept replaying in your head. The way his eyes seemed to drink you up, his hands caressing every inch of your body, the way he filled you up hitting the spots that made you forget your name.

Part of you didn't regret it at all, getting out all of the lust filled emotions was such a nice release to something you've been holding onto for god knows how long.

Yet, you couldnt look back on the memory in a fond light. Because in the end, you said I love you. You said I love you to your bestfriend, and now you couldn't even talk to him.

He'd called you at least 15 times a day since then, over 200 messages being left unread. You just had to go and be selfish, didn't you? Ruin the one good thing you had in your life.

You wondered how he was doing, not that you'd ask. But at the same time, you were his bestfriend and you confessed your love to him in a drunken haze and haven't spoken to him since.

All the ways you could've confessed, you had to go and do it when you were drunk out of your mind and being pounded into a mattress. Going back to work at the agency would be a nightmare now.

One week left until you actually had to go back to the agency. Meaning one week to figure out how to avoid Taishiro for the rest of your life. Did you want to avoid him? No, but you'd rather avoid him than own up to your own emotions.

Picking your head up off the desk you decide to actually do something productive for once. You needed groceries anyways and right now was the perfect time to do so, considering Taishiro would be patrolling the other side of town.

You quickly freshen up and head out the door, the grocery store being only a few blocks away so you could manage walking there and back.

It was a short walk, being about 15 minutes give or take a few. Now that you were scanning shelves you realized how long it had really been since you've seen, well, another human.

It almost made you laugh, how seeing really people made you feel better about the situation your in. Sucking in your cheeks you put a small case of banana milk into your cart.

Taishiro didn't really care for it, but it was almost a comfort item for you. He always said it just tasted like a banana, and it'd cost less to buy regular bananas instead. Though you'd disagree everytime he brought it up.

Sure, it tasted like bananas, but it is banana milk so whatever. Plus it came in cute boxes with a straw and who were you to deny something that looked so cute.

Making it to checkout, you place your items on the counter. Allowing the cashier to do their job while you let your eyes wander around the store.

It wasn't big, but it had a comforting feel. Maybe it was because you'd been feeling down, or maybe it was the way you'd been here so many times that the familiarity was comforting to you.

Never the less you give a small smile to the cashier, finishing the rest of your items as you pay. Fishing the bags into your arms as you start the short journey back to your home.

"Need help carrying those bags?" The voice made you freeze in place. There was no way this was happening, he wasn't supposed to be here. He was on duty, right?

"Listen we need to talk, you can't keep ignoring me."

"I don't wanna talk right now, aren't you on duty anyway? I have to go put these away." You start walking off, hurrying to get away.

"I'm a hero, I help people in need. You aren't feeling like yourself which means it's my place to help. Is it not?"

"I said I don't want to talk, I said something I didn't mean, and I have to face the consequences for that. Okay?"

"So you don't love me?" You swear you could hear the hurt in his voice, but you told yourself you were hearing things. You can't ruin this anymore than you already have.

You can't bring yourself to respond, quickening your pace as your eyes fill with tears. Trying to blink them away only causing them to slide down your face. Not that you bother to wipe them because you know Taishiro is still watching you walk away.

He doesn't like you like that, he's a pro hero, you're just an office lady. That's what you have to remember. Whatever you thought you had, was just you trying to convince yourself that something could happen.

It didn't matter if you wanted to run into his arms, nothing would change. You'd be the hopeless romantic who had feelings for a hero who didn't have time to waste on a relationship.

"Y/n wait! Stop walking so fast I can't keep up!" Taishiro's voiced filled through your ears, your heart melting at the sound. But for once, your head was in control. Head over heart, that's what your mom always said.

"Go away 'shiro." It came out more broken than you wanted it to and you knew he could see right through you as much as you wanted to hide away from your feelings your feet plant themselves no longer letting you move further.

Two arms wrapping around your waist in the tightest hug you've ever experienced. Stealing the air from your lungs as a small whine of pain escapes your lips.

"Y/n, listen to me. You can't keep avoiding me. I've been worried sick about you, can't you tell? I thought I was dreaming when you told me you loved me but just as soon as that happened you dissapeared. Please Y/n talk to me."

You shook your head more tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried to speak without sounding like you were dying. Though it felt like you were.

"You don't love me 'shiro, I gotta get over you but whenever you're near me it makes it so hard. No matter how hard I try I keep falling harder."

"Who said I don't love you? Angelcake, you never asked me if I loved you. Look at you, what is there not to love about you? When you said you loved me I'd never been more happy in my entire life. So please, stop running away from me, I hate not being with you."

"'shiro..."

"Shh, let's get you home, I wanna show you how much I love you."

Arriving at your house, you force the key into the door as quick as you can manage. Taishiro taking notice to how desperate you were to enter.

Pushing the door open you realize how messy your house was, an awkward smile spreading across your face as you let him in. "Please excuse the mess, it's not usually like this I've just been having a hard time recently."

"As if it's any worse than mine, besides I'm not here to judge you." He grins placing his hand in yours and leading you to your bedroom. Seeing as he'd been here enough to know the lay out of your house.

Just as soon as you were in your room, he was all over you. Kissing you with so much passion you thought you were dreaming by the way he seemed to be bleeding out lust.

Taishiro opted to use his normal form in moments like this, his fat body not working when it came to the more intimate moments. Not that you loved him any less in any form.

You whine into the kiss, your body on fire from the arousal building up within you. Clawing at your close to get them off, desperate to have Taishiro's hands be on your bare skin.

"Someones needy, aren't they?"

"'shiro, please I want you. I've been waiting for this."

He hums, giving you a small nod as his hands sneak up your shirt. Helping you strip out of your clothes before falling suite with his own.

His hands grope your breasts squeezing lightly to get a reaction out of you. Which you give through a small moan. The noise is just enough to get him going though.

Spreading your legs and holding them open with his knees he slides his fingers over your folds, getting a grasp for how wet you were for him.

The more he teased the more you squirmed under him, small begs passing through your lips. Begging for him to hurry up.

"Taishiro, please stop teasing me I cant wait anymore~"

He only smiles in response, placing his cock at your entrance. Having done this just a week ago he was more than ready to plunge into the depth. Slowly thrusting into you allowing you to adjust.

You whine out his name, back slightly arching off the bed in ecstasy. Clenching around him your eyes clouded with list at the sensual yet familiar feeling of him filling you up.

He thrusts harder, finding a sweet rhythmatic pace that made the both of you feel good. Not too fast, but not too slow either. The perfect momentum between the two of you.

Leaning down to kiss you, he finds himself smiling like a little kid, happier than ever to be with you in this moment.

"'m close baby, where do you want my cum?"

"Anywhere, I dont care."

Satisfied with that response he thrusts into you a few more times before pulling out and letting his cum cover your lower abdomen.

"I told you I loved you babe, is that enough to prove it?"

"More than I could have ever asked for."

[angstymdzsthoughts]

1 no war abo au where teenager omega wwx accidentally (it actually was an accident, the one instance where he wasnt trying to be a little shit) pulled lwj's headband off so now they have to get married even when lxc and jyl isnt married yet. yzy was more than happy to be rid of wwx and jfm couldnt do much with pressure from both his sect and gusu lan.

2 wwx was very apologetic and tries his best to at least be friends with lwj but lwj doesnt know how to deal with him. he keeps avoiding wwx even if he still makes wwx perform his marital duty. the lans are harsh and biased on wwx. making up his rule violations just to have him punished. no one would defend him bc even his husband is cold towards him. then lxc brings in jgy (jgs begrudgingly took my in just bc an omega is an asset and not bc he valued his skills) to gusu lan to marry him.

3 jgy is subtle and obedient, and despite his background the gusu lan elders much prefer him to wwx. xiyao's marriage affair was much larger and not just bc lxc was the sect heir but bc jgy was a better bride than wwx could ever be. wwx couldnt even enjoy the one time good food was served in cr, with his new pregnancy any food tasted like paper. maybe after the child is born lan zhan would look at him and protect him.

4 he didnt. he acted aloof as usual. even when their child lan yuan, the legal heir of gusu lan (by gusu lan law the heir is the oldest of one's generation in the main family), didnt even get a proper one month celebration, lwj didnt bother to fight for them. in reality lwj is torn bc he felt guilty towards wwx but the elders do not like his husband and by extension his child and they criticize him for not being proper enough. so he did what his father did best, standing by doing nothing.

5 it was truly unfair, lxc is free to be intimate with jgy in public but lwj gets scolded for visiting wwx's cottage more than 3 times a week. after 2 years, jgy is still not pregnant and cant resist jgs pushing him to get rid of lan yuan. wwx's omega instinct is in overdrive. it wasnt entirely unreasonable. he may be paranoid, but a venomous spider wont just magically appear in lan yuan's crib. wwx doesnt ask lwj to protect their son, he saw firsthand how useless his husband is in his inaction.

6 it came crashing down when ayuan got sick and he found the note in jgy's handwriting for ayuan's nanny, along with the remains of a poison. he took it up to the elders, not having any of their shit anymore. but they blame him instead, accusing him of being too greedy for power that he would try to get rid of his rival even when his own son was already heir. that he forgot his station, a mere son of a servant. he looked at lwj, who couldnt meet his eyes and didnt say a word to defend him.

7 that was the final straw. clearly them mother and son mean nothing to the entirety of gusu lan, so they would just leave. he brought suibian out and cut a few inches off his hair. you only cut your hair in mourning of spouse or parents. he continued by cutting off the tip of lan yuan's ponytail. from now on wei wuxian has no husband and ayuan has no father. using an invisibility spell he ran away from the wrath he just invoked.

8 he flew to lotus pier and hid under jiang cheng's protection. mdm yu would kick wwx out if she saw him and uncle jiang is as passive as his husband. the healers all report to mdm yu, so jc managed to get him some medicine to treat ayuan, but it didnt cure him, only lessened his symptoms. with jyl's marriage closing in most people are too busy to notice him. jzx is going to pick jyl up from lp instead of having her travel all the way to lanling alone.

9 wwx is glad at least jzx got his head out of his ass and returns his shijie's feelings. the lans come for the wedding, obviously. jc did his best to hide them, but got found out anyway. he ran away and ended up in yiling, sitting by the side of the street to get out of the rain when wen qing found him. the female alpha took him in, out of kindness since she remembered wwx to be one of the few students who were nice to wn during their study in gusu. she healed ayuan and came to like the boy too

10 it was wq who taught ayuan to read and write, wn the one who taught him to play games. jc visits them sometimes, even slipped a silver bell for him. jyl sometimes come when she visits ym. ayuan is almost 5 and gusu lan still hasnt had a new heir, so they are never truly safe from being pursued by the lans. it just so happens that wen xu travelled to yiling from nightless city to meet wq. he was greeted by a child, obviously related to the lans judging from his facial features, hugging his leg

11 wen xu is a decent person, unlike his sleazy younger brother. he appreciates competence like his father and respects wwx as a cultivator. (after all that trauma wwx's bar is very low). ayuan likes him so wwx has no qualms with being friends with wx. they become closer with wx's increasingly frequent trips to yiling.

12 wx began courting wwx. wwx never been courted, never been liked that way by anyone. wx even offered to properly adopt ayuan as his heir. wwx didnt feel it necessary, but it was nice for ayuan to have a father figure. wrh quite like both mother and son. wwx is a strong cultivator and ayuan has innate talent for cultivation. besides, if wwx marries wx and ayuan becomes wen yuan, they would never have to go back to that wretched place everyone calls sacred.

13 wwx agreed to marry wx, becoming young madam wen. but he didnt want any announcement. he just wanted to live in peace where he is. it was quite strange for the marriage of a sect heir to not be held in fanfare. the answer came on the next conference in nightless city. the alpha child sitting next to wen xu has lwj's nose. he has lwj's lips, has lwj's cheekbones, but he wears black and red and dons the surname wen.

14 jc and jyl werent surprised, but the rest of the sects were. lqr spat blood seeing wwx appear next to his son wearing wen robes. wrh didnt appreciate the ruckus and told them to keep it for later. lwj approached wwx after the conference. he admitted that the elders had been putting him on a grill since wwx left. elder brother turned out to be impotent, so the task of producing an heir falls on him. they basically want ayuan back.

15 wwx told him he didnt need to worry. he didnt have to do anything for them, since hes so good at it. just marry another omega, a proper one this time, and have a child with them, as he clearly is able to. besides, wen yuan is already formalized as an heir to qishan wen. so if they dont want a war with the wens they better just leave them mother and son alone.

16 then wen yuan came around the corner, looking for his mother. he called out to wwx, telling him that the banquet is about to start, lets go back to a-die. wwx left with him without another word to lwj. "who was that?" wen yuan asked. wwx grinned, "no one," -i just wanted an excuse for wen wwx

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Burnt Out

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N has to work from home during Quarantine, but when she gets extremely busy it’s up to Tom to find a way to help her relax .

A/N: This is my second attempt at this piece. Last time I created this it was super long but it got deleted 😩

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night | Silence is Golden?|

All Y/N ever wanted was an opportunity to work from home. Then again, who wouldn't want that opportunity? All she could think about was how nice it’d be to work in the comfort of her own home, not have to dress up in business professional clothing, and most importantly be surrounded by the people she cared for the most. But as the saying goes, “Be careful for what you wish for.”

When a global pandemic decided to take over 2020, Y/N certainly got her wish. Her company was forced to work from home until further notice, but what she didn’t expect was the amount of work she would be given. Y/N was pulled from project to project with deadlines thin as paper, and was expected to pick up the extra work of those that were no longer with the company. There was no time to catch a breath, and there certainly was no time to spend with her beloved boyfriend, Tom. This only made Y/N more depressed and made the Holland boys only more concerned.

“Mate, you got to get her to take a break. She’s gonna overdo it.” Harrison commented to his best friend, as they watched Y/N type away like a zombie from the kitchen.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Tom responded with a defeated sigh. “Every time I ask her, she always brushes it off and claims shes fine. Don't get me wrong, Im proud of her and admire her work ethic, but damn its sucking the life out of her.”

Both Harrison and Tom continued to observe Y/N with a cup of tea on hand, wondering how long it would take before she snapped. Tom hated seeing her like this. To him this wasn’t fair. It’s not fair that her 8 hour shift now became a 15 hr shift. Its not fair that she had to work 3 weekends straight, and it certainly wasn’t fair that her company took precious time away to be together. It was hard enough already that he couldn’t spend time with Y/N like a normal boyfriend would because of filming. Now, that he has the opportunity to make up for the lost time, it’s taken away.

“What if you surprised her?” Harrison quipped.

Tom looked up at his best friend with curious eyes. It took a few minutes to sink in, until the brightest idea figuratively smacked him in the face. “Yeah...yeah!” he responded, a smile forming “And I think I know exactly how to do it.”

As Tom was working through the thought process of his brilliant plan, his younger brother entered the kitchen, looking for his usual afternoon snack. “Hey, does anyone know where —. Oh no...” Harry groaned as he looked up at Tom and Harry. “Whatever it is that you two are planning...Leave me out of it.”

“Come on, mate. You dont even know what were planning.” Harrison defended

“Believe me, I know enough and any plan that involves you in it, is likely to fail 99.9% of the time.” Harry opened up his bag of crisps as he continued to list out the other 99 possible reason why they should have left Y/N alone like she wanted. “Cmon guys, you know how she gets. When she doesnt want to be bothered, she doesnt want to be bothered.”

“You’re right Harry, but she’s so stressed, she’s homesick, and one day she’s going to overdo it. Id be a shit boyfriend, if I let it happen.” Tom reasoned. “Look, Im not trying to do anything crazy here. I just want to give her that sense of comfort and see her relax.”

Harry looked at his brother and then at Harrison, both displaying their best puppy dog eyes, in hopes that he’ll join in. “The face doesnt work on me...but I’ll help for Y/N’s sake.”

Meanwhile, Y/N continued her work in the living room, her eyes firmly glued to the computer screen. After being dragged into the kitchen and the Holland plan, Tuwaine slowly made his way to Y/N. “Hey Y/N.” he happily greeted. “I think it’s time for you get some fresh air, don’t you think?”

Y/N looked up, her glasses slightly shifting forward down her nose. “You know theres this thing called being stuck in Quaratine right?” she responded, continuing to code her project.

“I think the real question is do you really want to work here when there’s just nothing but CONSTANT NOISE !” Tuwaine yelled out, hoping the others would catch on.

“What?!” Tom yelled back. It took him some time to realize what Tuwaine meant by his statement. “Oh...Right!” Quickly, Tom grabbed whatever pot or pan he could grab his hands on and dropped them on the counter. Harrison and Harry gave Tom the strangest look. “What? I gave him some noise?”, he shrugged.

“See?” Tuwaine smiled back at Y/N. “You wouldnt want to distract that working brain of yours with all this going on, right?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Tuwaine as she looked at him and the closed off kitchen. Did they think she was born yesterday? Of course she knew they were up to something. None of the boys were subtle enough to keep everything hush hush.

Y/N shook her head and decided to just go with it. The faster she complied, the faster they’d leave her alone, which only meant more time to finish her work. Tuwaine helped carry her laptop, mouse, and charger to the porch as he led her outside. “See, arent you glad your outside, breathing in fresh air with no distractions?”, Tuwaine spoke out.

Y/N took her time to admire the view. “Wow”, she whispered under her breath. Y/N couldnt remember the last time she set foot outdoors. Seeing the sunlight hit the flower beds, the gentle breeze rustle through the grass; it was beautiful. Of course, the moment was short lived with a simple ding, which only multiplied by the second.

Y/N dripped her head back, trying to rub out the frustration from her face. “Yes, well it was fun while it lasted. Duty calls.”

“Im sure they wouldnt mind if you just took five minutes for yourself at least.” Tuwaine commented, feeling bad about the amount of work he saw popping up on your screen.

“Yeah well that’s Corporate for you. Doesnt matter if you’re 500 km away or if a virus is hurting the population. If you’re not working, you’re useless.” Y/N shrugs. It wasn’t like her company was completely evil, this was just how business worked.

“I know Y/N, and we all see that you care deeply about your work but we’re all so worried about you too. We want you to be mentally okay as well. I know Tom is worried about you the most...He misses you, you know.”

Y/N’s heart dropped the second she heard him say it. She knew that all of this was gonna take some time away from Tom, but she hadn’t realized how much he would be missing her, even though they’re living under the same roof. “Yeah I miss him too, more than anyone will know. Believe me.” Y/N pondered for a moment as she stared at the work in front of her. Perhaps five minutes couldn’t hurt. “Maybe I will take that break after all.”

“Really?”, Tuwaine was surprised she had agreed so quickly, and at the same time he panicked. Tom and the others were not ready for Y/N’s surprise yet. “On second thought, Im wrong. You should keep going and try to finish up that project of yours or else you’ll never be done.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N asked as she tried to close her laptop. “You just spent a whole half hour trying to convince me to stop working, and now you want me to go back and work?”

“Yeah..I mean what do I know, right?” He laughed nervously. Tuwaine looked back at the door, for some sort of signal. Come on man it’s not like your preparing a break for the Queen of England.

“Listen Tuwaine, if I go back there and you boys break anything in that house...I swear— I’ll”

“Y/N!” Tom interjected as he stepped out to the porch. He wrapped his arms behind her waist, giving her a gently kiss on the top of her head. “How’s work, my pretty girl?” He looked back at Tuwaine and mouthed a thank you to him as he left the love birds alone.

Y/N turned around to face Tom, taking in his features and running her hands at the nape of his neck. “Busy, but what else is new? I’ve been missing you a whole lot”

“Me too, darling. Anyway, Im really hoping you can take a break from all this because I’ve got something special for you.”

“Oh no, babe. You know you didnt have to anything for me. Really Im fine..I-“

“I wanted to. In fact the boys wanted in on it too. So this is really from all of us, if you think about it.” Tom grabbed Y/N’s hand as he led her back in to house. “Come.”

As they both enetered the house hand in hand, Tom led Y/N into the kitchen, where the rest of the boys waited with diner burgers in hand and warm homemade chocolate chip cookies on the side of table. What seemed like a simple meal was a cure for any bad day..at least for Y/N it was. It represented a sense of home for her, while being far from Jersey. Even though she hadnt realized it, Tom and the boys knew she needed it. “Wow” Y/N breathed “I...I dont know what to say.”

“Dont say, just eat” Harrison laughed. “In all honesty this was Tom’s idea. We just wanted to make sure you had the support you need.”

“Yeah you deserve this, so please enjoy it.” Harry added. With that, everyone dug in and bonded over a family dinner, sharing laughs and stories. Tom leaned toward Y/N whispering in her ear, “I have a few more surprises after this.”

The next few surprises did not disappointment. He set up a nice warm bath for the two of them to relax and enjoy each others compny. A few subtle kisses, laughter, and silence was shared between the two. Y/N leaned back into Tom’s chest, feeling the water gently flow back and forth. Breathing in and out, she had forgotten how good this felt. Being close to Tom, was a different experience, one that no one could ever do justice. This was what she really needed.

After the bath, Tom led her into their shared bedroom. For a moment, Y/N stopped him as she pulled his head down to hers, giving him the kiss he rightfully deserved. Her lips crashed with his, his hands gently holding the sides of her tiny face. He picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and situated themselves on the bed. Reluctantly, they both pulled away, catching their breath. Their foreheads touching and noses gently rubbing the others. “I love you. I love you more than you could possibly know.” Y/N whispered to him

“And I love you. I just want to give you the world because you deserve it all. My hardworking pretty girl.” Of course all good things must come to an end.

After a great well spent break was shared between Y/N and Tom, she was back on the work grind. Only this time she was working in their room as Tom was reading a script for his next upcoming project. The more Y/N coded, the sleepier she was getting. It onyl took a few minutes before she started leaning into Tom and her eyes started to flutter. Her breaths became slower and she was out like a light.

Tom turned to look at Y/N, smiling to see the sight of her finally at peace. He removed her glasses and set them by her table side. Tom made sure to clock her out of work abd checked to see if her work was saved. Just as he was about to turn off her laptop, another message popped up. “Great”, he muttered, rolling his eyes at the fact her team is still working at this hour. He couldnt help but read it though. Just how badly did they need her anyway?

We all know how hard you’re working and going above and beyond to get these projects out the door. For that, we thank you! On behalf of the company we’d like you all to take a day off on us!

Tom smiled, relieved that shell finally get some time for herself. Feeling triumphant, he shut off her laptop and set it aside. Crawling back into the bed and covering themselves under the blanket. His arms wrapped her waist once again. “Goodnight, my love. Im so proud of you.” he whispered.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Killer In Disguise

Gif credit @jasonstodds.

Requested on wattpad.

Hope you all enjoy.

Happy Reading Dollies.

"Scott, idiot this is my sister Y/N". Derek introduced you to Stiles and Scott.

"Nice to meet you guys. Heard alot about you". You eyed Stiles who was awkwardly trying not to stare at you.

"So you're going to be going to our school"?

"Right".

"Um, do you know what classes you'll be taking"? Scott nervously rubbed the back on his neck.

"I dont know for sure yet. Derek hasnt went and got my schedule yet". You nudged your big brothers arm playfully.

"I'll get them. It's the weekend, I have other matters to attend". Derek sighed rolling his eyes. He maybe your big brother but you sometimes acted like your mom. Staying on him about things. He needed someone watching his back.

"You're right, I have to get ready for school anyways. Make sure I have everything so I'm going to go". You waved bye and left.

Derek crossed his arms growling at Scott and Stiles. "Dont even think about it".

"What'd we do"? Stiles asked innocently.

"I will rip you to shreads and bury pieces of you around town. Don't even think about". Derek warned them. Derek walked away and Scott shrugged his shoulders.

"Over protective". Stiles wrapped his arm around Scott and headed home.

Monday came, you were excited but also really nervous. Before living with Derek you were homeschooled so being in highschool was scary. Were you going to fit in or make a fool of yourself the first day? It was swimming in your head not to screw up or say something stupid.

As you walked in you saw Scott and Stokes at their locker, you went over to say hello.

"Y/N, hey". Stiles spotted you before you could say anything.

"Hey".

"So how's your first day going"? Scott asked as he slipped on his back pack.

"Good I guess. I aciddently bumped into a girl with red hair and she yelled at me but other than that its okay".

"You..you bumped into Lydia Martin? Did she smell nice? I bet she smelled nice". Stiles leaned against the locker with heart eyes coming out.

"He has a major crush on her. But she won't give him the time of day and plus shes dating Jackson".

"I didn't smell her. Sorry". You chuckled as Stiles started falling from the lockers. 

"What class you got next"?

"Math".

"Hey, me too". Scott grinned.

"Great, you can show me where its at".

"See ya Stiles". You and Scott both said as Stiles jumped up acting like nothing happened and walked off.

During math class you were actually paying attention and surprisingly knowing what the teacher was talking about until you looked out of the corner of your eye and saw Lydias head tilted your way and her filing her nails as she watched you.

Yeah, she hated you. First day and already made a enemy. Great.

You tried to ignore her but she threw something at you. You didnt turn around but you could hear giggling and chuckling.

She kept doing it when the teachers back was turned. You were starting to get angry. Your knuckles started growing white as you gripped the desk. The wood started to split. Pulling your hand back you saw your nails had grown at least two inches, your hands started growing hair. Oh god, this was not happening in the middle of class.

Scott looked up from his book and saw you were freaking out trying to hide your hands in your jacket. But he noticed your teeth and your eyes. They were a amber color.

"Sppt. Y/N". Scott tried to get your attention.

You couldn't control it. You had to get out before you exploded.

Not even bothering to get the teachers permission you bolted out the door. The teacher protested. "Where is she going"?

"I think she had to take her medicine". Scott tried to cover.

"Was she okay"?

"I'll go check". Scott rushed out the door, looking down the hall he saw you stagger into a bathroom.

He carefully walked into the bathroom. "Y/N? You okay"?

Scott heard growling coming from the last stall. "I know what you're going through. Come out and we can sort this out".

Gulping you opened the door. There you stood, all wolf like. You couldnt believe it. Derek and you thought the werewolf gene skipped you. You showed no signs of werewolf.

"What the hell is happening"?

"You've unleashed the werewolf". Scott chuckled.

"Not funny. How do I make it go away"?

"What made you mad"?

"Lydia. She was throwing paper balls at me. I just want to rip her head off". You growled loudly.

"Okay. Calm down. You cant be this in school".

"I can't. I dont know how". You started to panic.

Scott thought of what Stiles did when he went all wolfie. He sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. But he didn't want to do that to you.

"I'm going to try something just dont kill me". Scott stepped closer to you until you were between him and the wall. He leaned in and kissed your lips. At first it wasnt working then something in you relaxed. Soon your arms were around his neck and not hairy anymore.

You pulled back. "It works. Holy crap it worked". You squealed kissing him again.  Scott stood there happy with himself.

"Thanks Scott. You saved Lydia".

Scott laughed.

"Okay, you saved me too".

"No problem. If this happens again I'm here".

"I'll keep that in mind". You giggle. "What did you tell the teacher"?

"That you had to get your medicine".

"What? Now everyone's going to think I'm crazy". You huffed with a shake of your head.

"Well. I think Lyida has already told everyone that".

"I'm going to kill her". You growled. Scott stepped in front of you.

"Kidding. Gee, I cant joke around"?

"Not when you're a freshly new werewolf that can't control your anger you can't".

"Okay. We better get back to class". You walked out before Scott and made sure it clear for him to come out.

After school and your little episode all you wanted to do was go home and forget the day. But apparently your wolf self had other ideas. The woods were right in your sight and you had to go in. You strapped on your back pack and sprinted off inside. Leaving the human world and going into something that you had no control over.

"Scott, theres a body". Stiles poked his head threw Scotts window.

"Yeah, I know. It was a werewolf".

"Wait, how do you know that"?

"Y/N. She turned today in class. She was going to attack Lydia".

Stiles fell on the bed. "What? Y/Ns a werewolf? I thought the gene skipped her? She was the normal one".

"Sorry Stiles but you're back in that role". Scott chuckled when Stiles started pouting.

"What are we going to do? She cant go around killing people. Especially not Lydia".

"We need to find her". Scott hopped out his window. Stiles went to the window panting.

"I'll take the stairs".

While Scott and Stiles creeped through the woods, Scott got a wiff of a scent near. He put up his guard and pushed Stiles behind him.

"She's here".

"Where? It's literally pitch black. Oh right wolf senses".

"Scott"? You came into the little moon light that was peaking through the trees.

"What are you doing"?

"I don't know. I remember going home from school and the woods but after that there's nothing".

"You killed someone".

"I did? No I didnt". You shook your head with disbelief.

"Why are you covered in blood"?

You looked down at your clothes, blood and hair covered them. Your mouth had blood and your hands. 

"Who was it"?

"A local criminal". Stiles spoke up from behind Scott.

"So it wasn't Lydia"?

"No why"?

"I dreamt that I killed her".

"You were blinded by the wolf rage. I'll call Derek to come get you". Scott pulled out his phone and called Derek. Stiles walked over to you, picking off hairs.

"Scott"?

"What"? He asked looking from his phone.

"Um deer hairs. Not human".

"What"? Scott walked over and examed you.

"You're not the scent that was on the body. How"?

"So I didn't kill anyone"?

"It seems to be your lucky day". Stiles patted your back making you growl. He quickly took his hands off you.

"You really need to work on the anger". Derek said coming out of the dark.

"Yeah, I know. Only Scott can calm me down".

"Really now? What do you do to calm my little sister there Scott"? Derek crossed his leather covered arms.

"Um..um..nothing". Scott stuttered.

"He kissed her". Stiles squealed on his friend.

"Stiles". Scott scoffed.

"What did I tell you"?

"Now is not the time for that. I'm either a killer or not". You talked over them.

"You're not". Scott and Derek both said.

"She could be". Stiles pulled off a chunk of hair and looked like skin.

"Alright. This is whats happening. No one talks about this again. My sister is not a killer". Derek grabbed your wrist and started walking off.

"Then she needs to control her anger. We cant have her killing people". Scott walked forward.

"I can control her". Derek growled.

"Not your way. I can do it with out hurting her".

"Kissing is not going to keep working".

"It may".

Derek looked at you then at Scott.  "Alright we'll try it your way. If she kills anyone you're taking the fall for it".

"Okay. I'll take care of her".

"Fine. We'll see you tomorrow". Derek pulled you along with him disappearing in the night.

"You just said you'll babysit a werewolf that cant control her anger? Are you crazy"?

"Maybe. But I have you and you've been there for me. So I need to be there for her". Stiles smiled as he hugged Scott.

"I love you man".

"Get off".

Scott and Stiles went home planning out on how they'll keep you calm. Well Scott has his plan, that he'll enjoy alot. Stiles was still worried. You were more angrier than Scott was.

[fishyboywrites]

Ghostbur does not have a good time

note: this was written pre-canon revival, so it does not line up with canon events.

(Also check tags for tws)

After another failed revival attempt, Ghostbur realizes something, runs away and gains an attempt at comfort

Words: 974

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30430605

Ghostbur felt himself falling again after Phil stabbed him in the chest once again. They where trying to revive him for hours now, Phil using dozens of totems while stabbing him the same way as how he did at his death over and over again, growing more frustrated each time.

Ghostbur didnt know why it didnt work, all the steps where done just as the book told them too. They had tried every little thing but nothing worked. There wasnt even a difference between what happend each time Phil had tried again.

As Ghostbur landed again, still very much a ghost like all the other times, Phil yelled out in frusteration.

"Why are you still dead? I read this book a hunderd times over again! I followed each step word for word! Everything should go well and I should get my son back!"

Ghostbur anxiously took a step back, he wasnt afraid of Phil, but as the man grew angrier Ghostbur couldnt help but stay a further distance away from him. Phil just continued yelling at nothing (or him).

"I have all these totems, I got all these special things from the nether, I broke the server rules to get this end crystal and I know I have a willing soul why wont this work!"

oh Ghostbur felt his eyes widen as he heard the last requirement. Was it not working because he didnt want to be alive? He wanted to be alive right? To make Phil and the other people working on his resurrection happy! But did he really want to be alive? He didnt know. Should he tell Phil? No. He should just leave and make sure he wants to be alive so Phil wont have to deal with this frustration anymore.

"h-hey Phil can we take a break? Maybe you just need more energy for all this, maybe we both need more energy"

"Ghostbur no we shouldnt, you know what fine, lets take a break this is costing me way to much energy"

-

Ranboo never knew Ghostbur that well, sure he had seen and talked with the ghost on a few occasions but he never got to know the ghost. But as he saw the ghost talking to himself, walking in circles and quite upset he found himself walking towards the ghost and gently placing a hand on the ghosts shoulder.

"Oh! Uhm hey Ranboo! Dont mind me just a little stressed but nothing wrong here! hehe.."

Ranboo doubted that. No-one who was walking in circles close to crying was ever okay. He knew from experience in his panic room.

"Hey uhm Ranboo why are you looking like that? I am speaking the truth Im completely fine! And if im not i have some blue? Oh uhm here have some!"

Ghostbur forcefully put some blue in his hands, the dye was already a deep blue, filled with was probaly Ghostburs worries and fears. Ghostbur however didnt notice, probaly trying to think of an exuse to leave or a reason to why he was completely fine.

"Ghostb- I- Ghostbur we both know that isnt true. I mean I did kinda see you walking in circles close to crying. You can tell me whats wrong, I wont tell anyone." Ranboo looked at Ghostbur, he seemed to be slightly relaxing at Ranboos words.

"Plus I can just not write it in my memory book and you will be the only one remembering"  Ranboo quickly added, which luckily got a small (but kinda sad) chuckle out of Ghostbur.

Ghostbur looked at Ranboo. "Well uhm, you can write it down if you want too! Not that you have too! But yknow id be nice to have someone to talk to." He said. "If you want to of course!" Ghostbur quickly added.

"I dont mind, I just want to see if youre okay"

"I uhm, can i really tell you whats wrong? I dont want to bother you!"

"No i dont mind"

"okay, if you are sure well i- you know how Phil is trying to revive me?" "He keeps failing and I think its because Im not sure if i want to be alive? Like I know Phil doesnt want me to stay as Ghostbur and I want to be alive for him and the people who helped trying to revive me but I just cant!" "And now Phil is mad and angry because the revival keeps failing and I dont want to tell him it might be because im not sure if i want to be alive! Like that would upset him so much and i dont want to do that to him because he spend so long trying to help me! and I- I-"

Ghostbur stopped talking as he broke down into sobbing, curling into himself.

Ranboo was suprised, he didnt know what to expect from trying to comfort someone he barely knew but it was not this.

"Uhm maybe he wont be that mad? He cares for you right?" Ranboo tried, but it seemed to only make him more upset as the ghost started yelling.

"I mean he already doesnt treat me like a person! He cares for Wilbur not me! But I really dont wanna go back to be him because he was bad! My own dad doesnt see me as a person but at least im not who i was alive! I was so bad when i was alive! I was scared, and i blew up Lmanburg and hurt everyone and everyone hated me and- and-"

Ghostbur broke into sobs again. Ranboo felt entirely helpless now watching the ghost cry, but he tried again.

"Hey uhm, I think uhm just let it out? It will be fine eventually! I uhm think-"

Ghostbur slightly looked at him.

"I just need a moment alone"

And before Ranboo could stop him, he was gone.

[ablackfangirlwrites]

Aizawa was beyond annoyed

He had been interning at this hero agency for a while and it was his last year at UA

And he wouldn’t call himself arrogant or anything but part of him

Felt like a job like this was beneath him or at least he wasn’t going to learn anything from it

It was basically a glorified babysitting job

Some big politician was going to be in town and they had a daughter

And somehow it became his job to watch her

The whole thing was silly according to him

He would be doing this while his friends were outgoing on bigger missions and getting real experience

And he felt that he could be doing something way better with his time like that

So he wasnt that interested in every little detail the higher ups were telling him

He got the basic point you weren’t allowed out of the hoteroom while you were in town and he and another hero would be stationed with you and taking shifts

Easy enough

But when he saw you he got a feeling this job was going to be anything but easy

For one he had assumed you were a young child

But you differently weren’t

You had to be about his age

But you had an air about you that just screamed trouble

It was a complete contrast to your father who walked beside you

He walked like he demanded respect from everyone and that he was an important person

You just looked like you were irritated and couldn’t be bothered to listen to them when they were telling you the plans of the trip

“Eraserhead” he acknowledged you telling you his name but again you weren’t playing attention

This was routine for you for the last few years of your life

You went somewhere with your father (it wasnt like you had a choice)

And hed lock you in some hotel room because it was safest there until it was time to go somewhere new

You couldn’t remember the last time you were actually home

But at this point in your life you didnt care anymore

It was clear that this would be your life until you went to college in the fall

Something you couldn’t wait for Cause you knew you’d finally have some freedom

One of the other bodyguards tried to make a small conversation with you but you rolled your eyes

“You dont have to talk to me. All you have to do is show me my prison for the week.” You told him with your arm crossed looking it the window

Your father cleared his throat, “you all have to forgive her, y/n tends to be cranky after a long flight.”

You only clicked your tongue as a response

Aizawa hadn’t said anything

But he had already judged you

Bratty, spoiled, mean, and probably moody, and simply not pleasant at all.

This was going to be so annoying

When you all got to the hotel you and your father went your separate ways

And Aizawa simple followed you to your room, “If you need anything I’ll be out-.”

You slammed the door before he could finish

You had been to japan a few times before so you knew the area

So you had no plan to stay in

As soon as you got the chance you called your friends that you had in the city and you set off

Aizawa just sighed deeply outside your door

At least you didnt seem like your were interested in making his life a living hell

At least that’s what he thought but he didnt know how wrong he really was

It was when Aizawa came back for his second shift that he realized something was up

“Has she came out at all?”

They just shook their head, “Shes been pretty quite.”

“Have you checked on her?”

They shrugged, “I’ve knocked a few times but no answer I’m sure shes just sleep.”

Aizawa didnt think anything of it but something in his gut told him he should

A little after the other hero left

He knocked on your door to check on you again but no answer

He felt like he should have known better but he’d go to open the door only to find the room empty

“Y/n?”

He called out your name a few times but no answer

But then saw that your window was open

And like something straight out of a movie he saw you used your bedsheets as a rope to escape

Dread covered his face

He was done for

What was he supposed to do? How was he going to tell them he lost you?

Did someone kidnap you? How long ago did you leave?

So many questions ran through his mind

But before anything else he had already jumped out the window and started his search for you

You couldn’t have gone far

And you weren’t

You went out with some old friends and was hanging with them in a local club

You had no business being there

But this was the most fun you had in months

Aizawa was a good tracker so it was just his luck that it didnt take long to find you

He just thought of all the places a teenager would go

So that brought him to the club where he saw you dancing on the floor

He sighed in relief

At least you were safe

But that relief was short lived as he approached you

Because as soon as you saw him you took off

It was annoying enough to have to leave and find you

But now he was going to have to chase you

You were fast but he was faster

He followed you all the way out of the club and after having enough

He used to capture scarf to catch you

You faced him enraged

“Let go of me!”

“No way, do you have any idea how much trouble you could have got in? That you could have got me in?”

“That’s more of a you problem. Now let me go.” You said fighting against him but you couldnt set yourself free

“Not until we get back.”

And so he dragged you back to the room

He was lucky no one was there to see him bring you back

Once back into your room he let you free but he didnt make any move to leave himself

“You can go now.”

“Theres no way I’m letting you leave my sight. You could have lost me my job.”

You narrowed your eyes at him

You were going to leave again but you saw it was going to be a lot easier said than done

The next few days would go by dreadfully long for you

Aizawa watched you like a hawk

It was almost impossible to do anything with out him being 10 feet away from you

Most if the time whenever you were out you could escape

But Aizawa wasnt having any of it

He was going to be a hero and he wasnt going to let you or anyone else get in his way

“How’s your babysitting job going?” Hizashi teased him one day while he was at school

Shouta only rolled his eyes and just explained how much of a pain you were

“Have you tried to talk to her? You know shes pretty cute. I saw her in the news.” He went on talking

But Aizawa didnt care

He didnt want to know you but part of him did have to admit you were very nice on the eyes

But one day something changed

Maybe you were just bored when you saw him just sitting in your room

But you started a conversation

“What’s it like going to UA?”

Aizawa was surprised by your question

Up until now you seemed to have hated him

But he answered your question anyway

Which lead on to more talking

Which lead to a new appreciation for each other

Aizawa learned about how much you had traveled with your father and had never been to a real school or a stable home

And that you hated it

He actually felt bad for you

He couldnt imagine living like that and having someone always watching you

No wonder you were always trying to run away

It would the night before you were going to leave the country again that Aizawa was talking to you out on your balcony

It wasnt like the two of you were friends now

But you did have to admit Aizawa was funny and you liked him

Not to mention he was hot in a tired bum type of way

“So I guess this is the last night of me babysitting you.”

“I guess it is…”

Dispite starting off so rough the two of you did grow closer In a last few days

“So you gonna give the next guy as much trouble as you gave me?”

You laughed, “Of course. And besides the only reason why I stopped trying to run away is because you aren’t ass boring as you look.”

Aizawa rolled his eyes, “Sure…it wasnt because I’m actually good at my job.”

The two of you went quite, “I dare say I’ll even miss you Aizawa.”

Aizawa looked at you, “do you think you’ll be back?”

“Donno… I start college back home in the fall…who know what will happen till then.”

Aizawa just nodded “Well, if you do come back…I dont think I’ll mind babysitting you again.”

“Nice to know…”

The tension between the two of you was thick

And you being bold moved over and kissed him

He was shocked at first but he quickly recovered

The kiss was light at first but quickly got intense

But you pulled away when you heard someone knocked on your door

The two of you didnt speck the rest of the night

And when morning came he would be with the team escorts you to your plane

You stop and secretly gave him a piece of paper with your number on it “Keep in touch eraser.”

You whispered in his ear and wink before boarding the plane

Aizawa didnt know what to think at first he assumed the moment you shared last night was because you were lonely

But now…he wasnt so sure

He just gave you a little smile as he saw you bored the plane

And he’d laughed to himself you were really a lot of trouble

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[pechebeche]

I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this

I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.

Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33

I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.

thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.

but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.

if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.

(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)

what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)

i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.

i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.

i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.

[keai]

in the off chance that you see this...

will you let me know if you do?

my little 12 year old heart fell for you stupid fast. it was literally love at first sight and it wasnt because you were cute (bc lets face it you are good looking). looking back, its crazy how much i loved you, or thought i loved you. we didnt really know each other at all, but i was SO obsessed. i still cant explain why, but as a 20 year old i think that was the time i was beginning to show signs of anxiety/depression and honestly, needed something else to focus on. you also know i just have an addictive/obsessive personality. 

i remember we talked about those stupid young times and you said you were sorry for how you treated me back then. but i have to say you never did anything explicitly wrong. i didnt know how to handle my emotions and thoughts, i mean i still dont and thats why this even exists right? 

i remember crying myself to sleep over you, i remember hiding in school toilets because of you, i remember SO MUCH. i was truly in so much pain!! 

it wasnt just you of course. i didnt get much sleep bc i was always talking to this other friend that i never really talked to you about. i was also really struggling with the whole popularity thing at that time, and just wanted to quit being a popular girl at school. i know that sounds dumb, but being popular really wasnt fun, at least for me. i could never say what i truly thought because i had to care for so many people. i would always accidentally exclude people if i got closer to one friend because everyone wanted to be that one close friend, and that made me feel like i had to keep a distance from everyone. i could never be sad because other people thought i had everything. and i know that sounds pathetic but those are the things 12 year old girls think about i guess. anyway back to us

i tried a lot of things to ‘get over you’. it was so fucking stupid. i wore rubber bands and snapped myself every time i thought of you. would you laugh if i said that my arms would be COMPLETELY red in an hour? i also tried to like other guys who were genuinely sweet to me, but for some reason just thought they didnt measure up to you, even though you were giving me absolutely nothing (no hate just stating facts)

but eventually i did. and i just didnt think anything of you anymore - not in a bad way, i just didnt have an opinion. we didnt interact in school, i think til h3, because of math class. 

i had no fucking clue that your ex girlfriend minded me. honestly if i knew i wouldnt have sat next to you!! i thought i would be the last person she minded - after all, you broke my fucking heart without even trying, you know? if i liked you so much and still couldnt get you to like me, why would i think she would mind me? i dont know, sometimes im bad at logic i guess

anyway, i still didnt think anything of you. we had nice chats, but that was it. i think you would agree. ive actually spent a lot of time reflecting - were we flirty? did we ever cross boundaries? i remember how you told me you wanted to break up with your girlfriend. i remember thinking it was cuz of christina - it had never crossed my mind that you would like me. but it turns out it was me!?

now. this is the part that has bothered me the entire fucking time we dated again. does this mean we betrayed eliza? was she right in being mad? was this emotional cheating? i really dont know but i know now to not get involved in a relationship with someone who has just gotten out of one, because my mind will not stop thinking.

i hope you would agree that we had a good relationship. i wasnt cutting much anymore and generally gave less fucks about other people - something i have REVERSED back into now. but theres this part of me who wants to suffer. sounds dramatic but its true. if im honest, i was always torn between being a cool, chilled girlfriend and picking random fights, and making you upset on purpose. because thats what i did with MY exes and i knew doing those things would make me better feel your love. i also knew i was fucking crazy for even thinking about doing those things, but having a good relationship just wasnt...i dont know. i dont know how to receive love without it being fucked up in some way.

i would say the final 8 months of us dating was us being so careful with one another. i dont know what happened actually. maybe we just grew and changed. maybe i fucked up. i dont know. but it was fucking weird. sometimes we were fine and sometimes we werent. i really didnt know if you still loved me

coming back to taipei for the 2nd time, i got hit by this big wave of anxiety and panic about the future. something i learnt recently in school is that depression and anxiety often come back in relapses. like 70& of patients experience episodes again. of course, i chose not to open up to you. i knew you wouldnt understand. i know this is just my mind thinking stupid things, but in my brain youre perfect and never upset. you never overthink and never look back with regret on things. i guess thats the impression youve made on me since year 8. but me? i think back way too often and hurt myself. i dwell on past things, and now suddenly im dwelling on future things as well.

this is getting too annoying. long story short, i went to therapy and they referred me to a psychiatrist. i got medication. and that was still in the time we were together. i didnt tell you and im sorry about that. i dont know if im feeling better now. but i do think about how things could have been different if i wasnt me. if i wasnt so anxious and DEPRESSED would we have worked? if i wasnt so depressed in year 8, would i be different?

im not kidding when i say i dont want to be me. do you like being you? of course you do because youre you. but im me

you know that cheesy line where it goes something like ‘maybe in another universe, we would have worked out’. its fucking cheesy. but i really hope that there is another universe where hannah is different and is someone who can truly accept love from you, knows how to handle it and not let it go to waste