#at least I dont remember having one?? maybe I did and I couldnt be bothered to check tbh.

[fadewalking]

I am reconsidering some things for this blog.

[morphringwiselove]

rambling about art struggles (sorry)

i think what's limiting me during drawing is that im thinking too much about line art / not knowing how to combine line art and color in a manner that im satisfied with

really sorry for how rambly this gets forgive me (this is also barely edited and im barely conscious)

95% of the art i made in my life has been done traditionally and in monochrome; usually i dont bother to ever color it bc i only had access to shitty colored pencils and everytime it would always fuck it up, constantly smudging into each other

4% of the time was like when i was in middle school and discovered how to fucking pirate paint tool sai and i blindly did whatever i could with a mouse (read: i gave myself carpel tunnel a lot lmao). i think i still have access to like 4 drawings i did thanks to google photos and the only ones i can really look back on positively were the line art ones and even then thats cause i used deviantart bases lol

heres the literal 1%: i did an art class back in late 2020 - early 2021 (can't remember what level it was? or what it specialized? it was the third art class i ever took. it might be intro to painting?) and i got to use acrylic paint for an assignment! i fucked up using it because i painted it with the goal of filling up the insides of the lineart instead of using the palette knife to create texture. my subject was an otter in the water (fun thing to say) and the assignment was to create some form of pop art, depict contrast w color (otters are brown i know, wanted to use orange highlights against the blue water) and to show i know how to depict varying textures (fur, liquid).

i did not know how to fucking do that!!! couldnt get any help either due to covid fucking happening and my poor ass's only connection to the internet was my fucking phone data and it was draining fast LMAO

the reason as to why i was so poor was because back in October 2019 my life fucking got flipped upside down and i had to give up a lot and had to desperately try to find a job while being a student. (will not go into specific detail due to me not wanting a pity party about it and it being too personal. im only going to say that caregiver burnout is fucking hell)

a prior assignment to that class had us practicing on depicting textures on some sort of paper (it was stiff yet bendable iirc) with a white and black color pencil (white for fur, black for eyes). i was watching aggretsuko at the time and fenneko is a fav of mine so i picked that type of fox as my subject. im really proud of the way i depicted the fur but fucking hated how i fucked up the eyes. was supposed to show the "glossiness" of it and i dont have a pet irl to reference so ahhhHHHH it ruined the piece for me. pretty sure i have it saved somewhere but since its not fandom related im hesitant to post it.

overall the class made me realise that regardless of skill i rlly like drawing textures and i dont really understand why? tried to reasoned it out to be that i just really like textured blankets and that theyre comforting. i purr like a fucking cat when i like hug one and i hate it

i feel like nowadays with how scatterbrained and stressed i am i visualize blobs of color in my mind instead of clear subjects with clear outlines. i feel like i need to embrace that side more (or at least try starting with that when doing digital art). maybe now i wont be so fucking stuck and pressing ctrl z all the time lol

[away-ward]

I love that you mentioned that emmy and alex's ways of dealing with depression or hard life is not one better than the other, but because of the narrative, it might seem like it is, depending on who read it. What pisses me off about pd is when they were asked in a goodreads question/fb group a few years back about what emmy did all those years she was away to california, pd merrily replied: i dont know. Like... WTF. Thats the thing, we didnt even get will's pov as much when he was drunk, but we got so much intervention from unnecessary side characters. I remember when nightfall was first released, so many people hated emmy on twitter and fb groups, some even made fanfics of willalex in the chatgroup lmao, even when pd already said in their fb page that people were very quick to judge women like emmy when they liked damon, but that didnt really stop the haters though. But can you really blame these fans when pd kept on hyping up willdamon and willalex all those time? Why hype them up so unnecessarily when there would be no follow up of their relationship later because the endgame was already set in stones? It just came back to bite pd in her ass.

During that summer/fall of nightfall's release, so many illemmy fans were super mad and i believe it was the book that pd got the most hates from FANS because of the way they wrote emmy. Many fand on twitter accused pd writing so much alex's involvement in nightfall as a fan service for alex's fans because these fans then demanded too much and unfortunately, they got it. Then Fall Away wasnt hyped as much by pd's fans because of this backlash, and now even Motel, a novel set in the same universe as Birthday Girl was announced to be put on hold from writing and publication because pd said they couldnt force themself to write this novel no matter how many times they tried. Unsurprisingly, Motel was supposed to come out a few years ago near nightfall and fall away. Pd also implied a couple of times that they couldnt continue writing their stories because the fans' expectation and the stories that they actually wanted to write are different so they would be stuck in a pickle. Honestly, readers should just leave pd alone because i knew damn well nightfall was not supposed to be written like that, if pd werent so pressured by all those fb moms for their damon and alex's fascination years ago. Writers should stay away from fan spaces, and fans shouldnt bother authors and just write their own headcanons or fanfics for things they wanted to read outside of canon, instead of demanding things from the author. Or else, things like this will happen.

Can you imagine if pd actually wasnt that influenced by those fans or haters all those years, we could actually get a solid willemmy story in nightfall. I dont know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but there will be a special edition that will be released in america only (so far) that will include qnas, letters, bonus and contents for each couple? If youre from the US, maybe you can get your hands on them. Unfortunately, im not from the US, and i dont even live near the US, so im not able to get them but im sure those contents will be spread anyway hopefully.

+I was cackling at that damon torrance hate ask, because yes, it's always a damon torrance bully hate hour, haha! Hope theyre doing well though, damon is just a fictional character after all, no need to stress out too much. Just pray we dont meet someone like him irl.

I did read PD’s response and felt some negative way about it. For me, even if I’m not writing that part of the story, I have to at least know what happened because it might become relevant. But then, I go too far like that (as I’m sure you all can tell now). But PD’s process is probably very different from mine and, hey, at least they’ve finished and published multiple series and stand-alone’s…which I have not. So, I’m not here to criticize their method.

I didn’t know PD had called the fandom out on their dislike for Emmy when NF was released. I can’t imagine having to deal with that level of vitriol, especially about something I created.

I will admit that I’ve written myself into a corner before, without the help of anyone else lol. And once you get stuck in the corner, it’s really hard to get out without feeling overwhelmed. If PD had let other people control the narrative, even indirectly, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to get back on track. But you have to deal with it. It makes sense that the fear of backlash would paralyze them. Not saying it’s right or fair but writing and inspiration doesn’t work like that.

You’re absolutely right. As the author, PD should have left the fandom spaces long before writing, but it’s really hard to. Writers thrive on feedback and comments, and if they had found a place that gave them constant feedback and validation for what they were doing, and throwing out ideas (hey, free inspiration!) then I understand why they didn’t peel themselves away. The fandom should have never been given any power of the story. But yeah, once it was published, readers should go to the author’s space to complain. If the author wants to hear their negative feedback (which we all know we’ll get at some point) they’ll find it when they’re ready to process it. It’s never warranted to go directly to the author and throw hate in their face.

I do wonder what things would have changed if the story had been influenced by the fans. A more fleshed out Willemmy would have been great.

I hadn’t been aware of the special edition release. Honestly, I’m surprised. I figured after the most recent cover change, that would be the last PD was going to touch the series for a few more years. That bonus content could be really interesting, and I hope we get something good. It most likely will be spread and made available some place.

Omg. Yes. Like I said, I usually get these either first thing in the morning or right before I go to bed, so I’m half-asleep when I read them the first time and let me tell you…opening my ask box to that comment was confusing the say the least. I was like “what did I say??” but then I realized they were just ranting in general, so it was fine. But goodness. I can’t imagine getting that upset, but I know it’s just the way some in the fandom respond to people disagreeing with them and criticizing their fav. I hope they were okay with my response. And yeah…let’s hope we don’t meet a Damon Torrance in real life.

[toutallyahoe]

Dear, you need to stop exposing yourself. How am I supposed to friendly bully you if you keep doing it to yourself? =P

jk, love you. Anyway, cause I have actually seen a RE2 playthrough and remember like maybe 5% of it, please do give me your nsfw thoughts on Leon.

pairing(s): leon kennedy x male reader

warnings: cursing, nsfw content ahead

a/n: cn, daeling, i literally am trying but unfortunately i have half a braincell and asdagjsjdkfjdjdfafa *sobs* 😭😭😭

but anyways, i think someone asked for my hcs on leon's kinks awhile ago but imma just compile it here like i did with ethan's as well 😌😌😌

also, i still havent finished re2 yet so adsgjskdkdksldkjfksjdjf

leon is affection starve (whether he admits it or not)

and that he has a bit of an abandonment issues

but anyways—

leon is affection starve. period.

he didnt knew it at first until you came along and made him feel love and adored for the first time in his life

this leads to him wanting more physical contact while having sex

as well as him having a praise kink

call him handsome, pretty boy or your baby boy and this man will go soft

just praise him please

or have your hands roam and touch his entire body while whispering praises on his skin

but back to the physical thing

leon needs to have your hands either hold his hips in place when you pound into him

press yourself close to him and remind him that you are right beside him please

leon adores getting praises as he gets fucked

mate pressing is definitely his favorite position btw

he just wants you close

leon is also very much into biting, not from zombies or anything, but he wants to be marked by yours

mark him as yours that when he wakes up in the morning and see the hickeys and bites you left on his skin

it makes leon smile and reminded what happened with the both of you the night before

leon loves you so much and will sacrifice everything for you

which is very sweet of him really

but anyways, more nsfw!!!

welcome home sex is a must due to leon not liking on leaving you alone

especially if leon comes home from a very long job and just wants to forget everything in the world besides you and fucking him hard

you both also mostly have sex either into the living room wall or floor because neither of you couldnt even wait to go to the bedroom

welcome home sex is much more desperate and passionate sex than the usual soft ones you guys do and it mostly a bit more kinkier as well

when you do managed to get into the bedroom though, its really just the same as you fuck him to the floor but at least its soft to slam him there lmao

anyways, teasing leon is fine

he is a bit into foreplay but just dont make it too long or else he'll go power bottom on you even if he is tired af and his body is begging for him to rest

but teasing, yes

teasing and commenting on leon for probably touching himself while he was away with the thought of you fucking him isnt really anything new to you both

leon wouldnt actually masturbate on a mission but he sometimes thinks about it and really tempted since he gets hot and bothered by thinking about you being there and help him blow off some steam

unfortunately for leon, you arent so reasons why the welcome sex is a must

you gotta make up for being too damn sexy to almost make him touch himself in a life or death mission you know!

also just edge leon's pretty ass that has him begging for you to let him cum and fill him up to the brim and make him reminded that he got fucked good please

leon wants to be filled by you and fuck him good that he'll remember it until he goes back for another mission

youre his fuel basically lmao

also, choking

just choking yall

leon gets off to you choking when you both get kinky

which isnt that rare tbh since most soft vanilla you guys do almost always ends with some nice spice added in the mix

anyways, leon loves the way your hands wrapped around his neck and occasionally squeeze to let him know youre in control

he just loves being breathless by you fucking him basically makes him turn on more

he is really into that

god, please choke him while praising how much of a good boy he is

in the end really, leon is just very happy to come back every mission with you welcoming him lovingly with a smile on your lips

[creweemmaeec11]

The Gift of Panic Pt#2

First part

--------------------------------------

After a moment of silence, the villain finially spoke.

"The last birthday present I got..." they started in a quiet, almost whispered tone, "was a bomb..."

"What!?" the hero replied in shock.

"Someone I cared about... though it would be funny to open my present before me as a joke..." they took a deep breath, "they didn't..."

Their voice cracked before they trailed off, and the quickly wiped at their face, abruptly standing up, keeping their back to the hero.

"I don't even know..." the hero replied, trailing off as well. They didnt know what to say, how to respond, what to do. What could they?

"Its fine I just," the villain started, before taking a deep, recomposing breath, "Sorry, I've never told anyone about it,"

"No no, it's okay. God, I can't even imagine..."

"Its alright, I got my revenge in the end," the villain replied, turning back toward the hero.

"Really? How?"

The villain looked at them with a confused expression, before it shifted into an amused smirk, "For legal reasons, and because I don't want to prolong my time in here, I probably shouldn't tell you,"

The hero laughed, "fair point. For what it's worth, I'm glad you got justice, even if it probably isn't the kind of justice I'd agree with,"

"Really? You think I deserve justice?"

"Of course, I think everyone does," the hero said in confusion, as if that was obvious.

The villain huffed a half laugh, giving a small smile, "I need to remember who I'm talking to,"

Both their gazes fell back to the long discarded present on the floor.

"I can take it, if you'd like, but-"

"No no, it's okay, I... I cant believe the words 'I trust you' are coming out of my mouth but I at least trust you didnt gift me a bomb,"

"I don't know if I'm hurt or flattered,"

The villain laughed again, walking over to hesitantly pick up the gift. They turned back to face the hero, holding the box with both hands as they just stared at it.

"The question still remains..." they drawled, before looking up at the hero that was still sat on the bed, "Why would you get me a birthday present?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would you get me a gift? Why would you do something like that? For me? I dont think I'm very... deserving of a gift. Especially from you. Unless whatever is in here is some form of mockery- I mean- I guess I shouldn't assume..."

Their eyes dimmed slightly, as if they realized the only thing that could be in the box was something mocking, a heros form of bragging that they had won.

"Okay now I'm definitely hurt,"

The villain looked back up at them.

"Your my friend, I realized your birthday was coming up, so I thought back on our previous conversations, and tried to get something I thought youd like," the hero replied, moving to sit it a more casual position, "There wasnt any more thought put into it then that,"

The villain was now staring at them with wide eyes.

They blinked, seemingly trying to process what they'd just heard.

"I... have questions..."

The hero smirked, tilting their head as a prompt to continue, amused at the normally silver tounged villain being thrown so off their game by something so simple.

"Friend?" The villain responded almost instantly.

"Oh I'm sorry, what would you call this? Marriage?"

"I'd call this me tolerating your visits, whenever you decide to drop by because you've nothing better to do,"

"Maybe at first, but I've seen the way you recently light up whenever I come in,"

"Then you've *recently* begun going blind. I'd suggest seeing an optometrist,"

The hero laughed, "also, for your information, I make time for these visits, I dont just swing by cuz 'I'm bored',"

The villain squinted at that, "You... make time... for me?"

"Yes, that's what friends do,"

"I am not your friend," the villain replied stubbornly.

"Oh yeah? When was the last time you let someone hug you? I have to have passed the friend mark by now,"

The villain blushed, realizing they *had* allowed the hero to hug them, and they couldnt remeber the last time anyone else had even tried, nevermind been *allowed*.

"this is a dysfunctional work relationship at best"

The hero snorted another laugh at that.

The villain glanced down at the box once more.

Finially they knelt down onto the floor, placing the box infront of them. The stared at it for a few seconds, hands shaking slightly as they hovered over it, before taking a deep breath and tearing the wrapping off.

It was a simple brown box with a lid.

The villain chuckled under their breath slightly at that.

"What?" The hero questioned, not seeing anything funny.

"No, sorry I just-, had a thought,"

The hero raised an eyebrow at them.

"I just thought how funny it would be if after all this it turned out to be empty, but that would be cruel, even for-"

Their sentence came to a halt as the lid came off and they saw what was inside.

Now their wasnt anything incredible inside, it wasnt like they had gotten a new iphone, but there was *many* things inside.

They looked up at the hero, mouth open slightly, not even attempting to hide their shock.

The hero just smiled.

Slowly, the villain began taking things out of the box. A book of puzzles, like crosswords and word searches, a small sketch book and a pack of markers to go with them. A small puzzle, showing the picture of a fox, which was the villains favourite animal. There was also a rubix cube that was already messed up, and a set of other small puzzles. At the bottom, there were two more boxes, one much bigger then the other.

The bigger box contained the Harry Potter book series. The second, contained a small device that looked like an airpod, along with earbuds.

It was fascinating for the hero to watch the villain open their gift. One would expect a villain to be clumsy, rushed, or aggressive, ripping into their present, but they were the opposite. They removed every item slowly, delicately, like it was a peice of glass that could break, examining it with the same gentleness before laying it down carefully beside them.

When they had opened the last item, they looked back up at the hero, completely flabbergasted, jaw on the floor and eyes wide.

The hero laughed quietly, "do you like it?"

"I..." the villain sat back onto their heels from where they were kneeling, looking over the items like they were unsure what to do now, "what..."

They blinked, gathering their thoughts, "how did you...? I mean what-"

They picked up the puzzle as they spoke.

"That's your favourite animal right? A fox? Now I wasnt sure what kind of fox but-"

"How?" The villain asked, almost breathlessly, looking back at the hero.

"How did I know that? You mentioned it, once. I was talking about being a cat or dog person, and you said youd always been a fox person, something about them being 'sly and underestimated, yet smart enough to know when to strike'" they recited, making quotations in the air.

The villains jaw hit the floor again.

"That was actually one of the first things you ever told me about yourself,"

"You bothered... to remeber that...?" they muttered under their breath.

"Yep. The rubix cube is because you bragged to me once you were good at puzzles and could do one, and I didn't believe you," the hero smirked, "still don't,"

The villain huffed a small laugh, before glancing over at the books.

"the puzzle book and sketch book are just something to do, I know markers arnt ideal, but obviously I wasnt allowed to give you any pencils or pens,"

The villain nodded in understanding.

"the books are because I was talking about game of thrones one day, and you said youd always preferred Harry Potter,"

The villain smiled, and shook their head at that, chuckling, "I've never actually read them, I just wanted to disagree with you," they joked.

They both laughed.

"What's this?" The villain asked, picking up the small device with the ear buds.

"Its a little mini portable radio. I didnt know what songs you liked, and obviously, I'm not allowed to give you anything with acsess to the internet, but at least now you can choose what station you want,"

The villain sat back again, looking over everything with the same stunned, almost lost expression.

"You... remebered all those little details... and here I thought I was doing a good job at not letting anything about myself slip..."

"Oh you have been, trying to figure out what to get you was near impossible, but I managed to remeber a couple little things youd mentioned,"

They picked up the rubix cube, playing with it aimlessly, "I... don't even know what to say..."

"Well, most people would say thankyou,"

The villain shook their head, "that dosent seem like enough. I... I cant even remeber the last time someone gave me a gift, nevermind one without strings attached, and esspecially nevermind one with actual thought put into it,"

"I get the feeling you need better friends," the hero joked, trying to keep the mood light.

"Yeah well, I guess I'm on the right track, I've already got one," they replied, but couldnt bring themselves to look at the hero while they did.

The hero in question was lit up like a christmas tree, heart swelling happily in their chest.

"I hate to cut this short, but don't have long today, I'm going to have to get going, I just wanted to make sure I got to swing by today," the hero said, looking at their watch.

"Oh! Yeah, of course, you -"

"Do not have 'more important' things to do, I simply have *other* things I need to do," the hero interrupted sternly, giving the villain, who blushed, a pointed look.

"yeah, that."

The villain stood up, standing awkwardly in the middle of all their gifts, watching the hero leave through the finger print locked cell door. They approached the switch to turn on the force field, when the villain stopped them.

"Oh, hey, wait!"

"What's up?" The hero asked.

Suddenly the villain tossed something through the bars with effortless perfect aim. The hero caught it, and this time it was their jaw that hit the floor.

It was a completed rubix cube.

They looked back at the villain in shock, who laughed, giving them a real, large, and although greatly amused, no less genuine smile. The first real, true smile they'd ever seen on the villain. They couldnt help but stare in awe for a moment.

"What..?" The villain asked after a moment.

The hero shook their head to snap them out of it, "sorry! It's just, that's the first time I think I've ever seen you actually smile,"

Instantly the smile vanished as the villain steeled their features, crossing their arms and shrugging, trying to ignore the blush on their face, "yeah well, that's cuz it dosent happen often, so,"

"I'm honored,"

"Shut up,"

The hero laughed, before looking at the cube in their hand again,"this is like, actually really impressive though, that was so fast!"

The villain shrugged again, "the 3 by 3 ones are easy, the 4 by 4 or 5 ones arnt that much more difficult, the 6 and 7 ones take me a while though, 8 is an actual challenge, and I dont think I've ever done above that before,"

The hero was still staring at them wide eyed.

The villain just chuckled and shrugged at them again, "I was an outcast kid, had alot of time on my hands. Anyway, get going,"

"Yeah, right," the hero replied, tossing the cube back before flicking on the force field. They began walking toward the door, before the villain spoke out to them one last time,

"By the way... thank you... really..."

The hero smiled, "your welcome," they replied, before disappearing out the door.

The next time they visited, they would make sure to bring a 9 by 9 rubix cube, and a fox calendar.

Third part

[miss--aura]

Saw your requests were open! I too love Fatgum so maybe an +18 plus scenario with some angst? Like maybe you were good friends but now both are stuck in limbo after sleeping with each other one night. Confused about what they are. Sorry if I'm not making sense.

Stuck In between

Pairing: Taishiro Toyomitsu x Reader

Warnings: angst, bad smut because I had a headache while writing the ending, idk what to put for warnings, banana milk sucks

Requested by: ness-is-a-vanillabean

On a serious note I decided I don't know how to wrote angst or if this counts as angst lmao.

It was a spur of the moment decision, at least that's what you kept telling yourself. You were drunk, and let your lust get the better of you and now you didn't know what to do.

You shouldn't have let Midnight convince you to go, you shouldn't have taken the wine glass offered to you. It was all just some big mistake that you made, and it landed you where you are now.

You haven't left your house in a week and you certainly havent been checking any messages on your phone. Luckily you could work from home, but you couldnt hide forever.

"God, I'm so stupid!" Slamming your head on your desk with a groan, tears forming in your eyes as you choke out a sob.

No matter how hard you tried it kept replaying in your head. The way his eyes seemed to drink you up, his hands caressing every inch of your body, the way he filled you up hitting the spots that made you forget your name.

Part of you didn't regret it at all, getting out all of the lust filled emotions was such a nice release to something you've been holding onto for god knows how long.

Yet, you couldnt look back on the memory in a fond light. Because in the end, you said I love you. You said I love you to your bestfriend, and now you couldn't even talk to him.

He'd called you at least 15 times a day since then, over 200 messages being left unread. You just had to go and be selfish, didn't you? Ruin the one good thing you had in your life.

You wondered how he was doing, not that you'd ask. But at the same time, you were his bestfriend and you confessed your love to him in a drunken haze and haven't spoken to him since.

All the ways you could've confessed, you had to go and do it when you were drunk out of your mind and being pounded into a mattress. Going back to work at the agency would be a nightmare now.

One week left until you actually had to go back to the agency. Meaning one week to figure out how to avoid Taishiro for the rest of your life. Did you want to avoid him? No, but you'd rather avoid him than own up to your own emotions.

Picking your head up off the desk you decide to actually do something productive for once. You needed groceries anyways and right now was the perfect time to do so, considering Taishiro would be patrolling the other side of town.

You quickly freshen up and head out the door, the grocery store being only a few blocks away so you could manage walking there and back.

It was a short walk, being about 15 minutes give or take a few. Now that you were scanning shelves you realized how long it had really been since you've seen, well, another human.

It almost made you laugh, how seeing really people made you feel better about the situation your in. Sucking in your cheeks you put a small case of banana milk into your cart.

Taishiro didn't really care for it, but it was almost a comfort item for you. He always said it just tasted like a banana, and it'd cost less to buy regular bananas instead. Though you'd disagree everytime he brought it up.

Sure, it tasted like bananas, but it is banana milk so whatever. Plus it came in cute boxes with a straw and who were you to deny something that looked so cute.

Making it to checkout, you place your items on the counter. Allowing the cashier to do their job while you let your eyes wander around the store.

It wasn't big, but it had a comforting feel. Maybe it was because you'd been feeling down, or maybe it was the way you'd been here so many times that the familiarity was comforting to you.

Never the less you give a small smile to the cashier, finishing the rest of your items as you pay. Fishing the bags into your arms as you start the short journey back to your home.

"Need help carrying those bags?" The voice made you freeze in place. There was no way this was happening, he wasn't supposed to be here. He was on duty, right?

"Listen we need to talk, you can't keep ignoring me."

"I don't wanna talk right now, aren't you on duty anyway? I have to go put these away." You start walking off, hurrying to get away.

"I'm a hero, I help people in need. You aren't feeling like yourself which means it's my place to help. Is it not?"

"I said I don't want to talk, I said something I didn't mean, and I have to face the consequences for that. Okay?"

"So you don't love me?" You swear you could hear the hurt in his voice, but you told yourself you were hearing things. You can't ruin this anymore than you already have.

You can't bring yourself to respond, quickening your pace as your eyes fill with tears. Trying to blink them away only causing them to slide down your face. Not that you bother to wipe them because you know Taishiro is still watching you walk away.

He doesn't like you like that, he's a pro hero, you're just an office lady. That's what you have to remember. Whatever you thought you had, was just you trying to convince yourself that something could happen.

It didn't matter if you wanted to run into his arms, nothing would change. You'd be the hopeless romantic who had feelings for a hero who didn't have time to waste on a relationship.

"Y/n wait! Stop walking so fast I can't keep up!" Taishiro's voiced filled through your ears, your heart melting at the sound. But for once, your head was in control. Head over heart, that's what your mom always said.

"Go away 'shiro." It came out more broken than you wanted it to and you knew he could see right through you as much as you wanted to hide away from your feelings your feet plant themselves no longer letting you move further.

Two arms wrapping around your waist in the tightest hug you've ever experienced. Stealing the air from your lungs as a small whine of pain escapes your lips.

"Y/n, listen to me. You can't keep avoiding me. I've been worried sick about you, can't you tell? I thought I was dreaming when you told me you loved me but just as soon as that happened you dissapeared. Please Y/n talk to me."

You shook your head more tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried to speak without sounding like you were dying. Though it felt like you were.

"You don't love me 'shiro, I gotta get over you but whenever you're near me it makes it so hard. No matter how hard I try I keep falling harder."

"Who said I don't love you? Angelcake, you never asked me if I loved you. Look at you, what is there not to love about you? When you said you loved me I'd never been more happy in my entire life. So please, stop running away from me, I hate not being with you."

"'shiro..."

"Shh, let's get you home, I wanna show you how much I love you."

Arriving at your house, you force the key into the door as quick as you can manage. Taishiro taking notice to how desperate you were to enter.

Pushing the door open you realize how messy your house was, an awkward smile spreading across your face as you let him in. "Please excuse the mess, it's not usually like this I've just been having a hard time recently."

"As if it's any worse than mine, besides I'm not here to judge you." He grins placing his hand in yours and leading you to your bedroom. Seeing as he'd been here enough to know the lay out of your house.

Just as soon as you were in your room, he was all over you. Kissing you with so much passion you thought you were dreaming by the way he seemed to be bleeding out lust.

Taishiro opted to use his normal form in moments like this, his fat body not working when it came to the more intimate moments. Not that you loved him any less in any form.

You whine into the kiss, your body on fire from the arousal building up within you. Clawing at your close to get them off, desperate to have Taishiro's hands be on your bare skin.

"Someones needy, aren't they?"

"'shiro, please I want you. I've been waiting for this."

He hums, giving you a small nod as his hands sneak up your shirt. Helping you strip out of your clothes before falling suite with his own.

His hands grope your breasts squeezing lightly to get a reaction out of you. Which you give through a small moan. The noise is just enough to get him going though.

Spreading your legs and holding them open with his knees he slides his fingers over your folds, getting a grasp for how wet you were for him.

The more he teased the more you squirmed under him, small begs passing through your lips. Begging for him to hurry up.

"Taishiro, please stop teasing me I cant wait anymore~"

He only smiles in response, placing his cock at your entrance. Having done this just a week ago he was more than ready to plunge into the depth. Slowly thrusting into you allowing you to adjust.

You whine out his name, back slightly arching off the bed in ecstasy. Clenching around him your eyes clouded with list at the sensual yet familiar feeling of him filling you up.

He thrusts harder, finding a sweet rhythmatic pace that made the both of you feel good. Not too fast, but not too slow either. The perfect momentum between the two of you.

Leaning down to kiss you, he finds himself smiling like a little kid, happier than ever to be with you in this moment.

"'m close baby, where do you want my cum?"

"Anywhere, I dont care."

Satisfied with that response he thrusts into you a few more times before pulling out and letting his cum cover your lower abdomen.

"I told you I loved you babe, is that enough to prove it?"

"More than I could have ever asked for."

[angstymdzsthoughts]

1 no war abo au where teenager omega wwx accidentally (it actually was an accident, the one instance where he wasnt trying to be a little shit) pulled lwj's headband off so now they have to get married even when lxc and jyl isnt married yet. yzy was more than happy to be rid of wwx and jfm couldnt do much with pressure from both his sect and gusu lan.

2 wwx was very apologetic and tries his best to at least be friends with lwj but lwj doesnt know how to deal with him. he keeps avoiding wwx even if he still makes wwx perform his marital duty. the lans are harsh and biased on wwx. making up his rule violations just to have him punished. no one would defend him bc even his husband is cold towards him. then lxc brings in jgy (jgs begrudgingly took my in just bc an omega is an asset and not bc he valued his skills) to gusu lan to marry him.

3 jgy is subtle and obedient, and despite his background the gusu lan elders much prefer him to wwx. xiyao's marriage affair was much larger and not just bc lxc was the sect heir but bc jgy was a better bride than wwx could ever be. wwx couldnt even enjoy the one time good food was served in cr, with his new pregnancy any food tasted like paper. maybe after the child is born lan zhan would look at him and protect him.

4 he didnt. he acted aloof as usual. even when their child lan yuan, the legal heir of gusu lan (by gusu lan law the heir is the oldest of one's generation in the main family), didnt even get a proper one month celebration, lwj didnt bother to fight for them. in reality lwj is torn bc he felt guilty towards wwx but the elders do not like his husband and by extension his child and they criticize him for not being proper enough. so he did what his father did best, standing by doing nothing.

5 it was truly unfair, lxc is free to be intimate with jgy in public but lwj gets scolded for visiting wwx's cottage more than 3 times a week. after 2 years, jgy is still not pregnant and cant resist jgs pushing him to get rid of lan yuan. wwx's omega instinct is in overdrive. it wasnt entirely unreasonable. he may be paranoid, but a venomous spider wont just magically appear in lan yuan's crib. wwx doesnt ask lwj to protect their son, he saw firsthand how useless his husband is in his inaction.

6 it came crashing down when ayuan got sick and he found the note in jgy's handwriting for ayuan's nanny, along with the remains of a poison. he took it up to the elders, not having any of their shit anymore. but they blame him instead, accusing him of being too greedy for power that he would try to get rid of his rival even when his own son was already heir. that he forgot his station, a mere son of a servant. he looked at lwj, who couldnt meet his eyes and didnt say a word to defend him.

7 that was the final straw. clearly them mother and son mean nothing to the entirety of gusu lan, so they would just leave. he brought suibian out and cut a few inches off his hair. you only cut your hair in mourning of spouse or parents. he continued by cutting off the tip of lan yuan's ponytail. from now on wei wuxian has no husband and ayuan has no father. using an invisibility spell he ran away from the wrath he just invoked.

8 he flew to lotus pier and hid under jiang cheng's protection. mdm yu would kick wwx out if she saw him and uncle jiang is as passive as his husband. the healers all report to mdm yu, so jc managed to get him some medicine to treat ayuan, but it didnt cure him, only lessened his symptoms. with jyl's marriage closing in most people are too busy to notice him. jzx is going to pick jyl up from lp instead of having her travel all the way to lanling alone.

9 wwx is glad at least jzx got his head out of his ass and returns his shijie's feelings. the lans come for the wedding, obviously. jc did his best to hide them, but got found out anyway. he ran away and ended up in yiling, sitting by the side of the street to get out of the rain when wen qing found him. the female alpha took him in, out of kindness since she remembered wwx to be one of the few students who were nice to wn during their study in gusu. she healed ayuan and came to like the boy too

10 it was wq who taught ayuan to read and write, wn the one who taught him to play games. jc visits them sometimes, even slipped a silver bell for him. jyl sometimes come when she visits ym. ayuan is almost 5 and gusu lan still hasnt had a new heir, so they are never truly safe from being pursued by the lans. it just so happens that wen xu travelled to yiling from nightless city to meet wq. he was greeted by a child, obviously related to the lans judging from his facial features, hugging his leg

11 wen xu is a decent person, unlike his sleazy younger brother. he appreciates competence like his father and respects wwx as a cultivator. (after all that trauma wwx's bar is very low). ayuan likes him so wwx has no qualms with being friends with wx. they become closer with wx's increasingly frequent trips to yiling.

12 wx began courting wwx. wwx never been courted, never been liked that way by anyone. wx even offered to properly adopt ayuan as his heir. wwx didnt feel it necessary, but it was nice for ayuan to have a father figure. wrh quite like both mother and son. wwx is a strong cultivator and ayuan has innate talent for cultivation. besides, if wwx marries wx and ayuan becomes wen yuan, they would never have to go back to that wretched place everyone calls sacred.

13 wwx agreed to marry wx, becoming young madam wen. but he didnt want any announcement. he just wanted to live in peace where he is. it was quite strange for the marriage of a sect heir to not be held in fanfare. the answer came on the next conference in nightless city. the alpha child sitting next to wen xu has lwj's nose. he has lwj's lips, has lwj's cheekbones, but he wears black and red and dons the surname wen.

14 jc and jyl werent surprised, but the rest of the sects were. lqr spat blood seeing wwx appear next to his son wearing wen robes. wrh didnt appreciate the ruckus and told them to keep it for later. lwj approached wwx after the conference. he admitted that the elders had been putting him on a grill since wwx left. elder brother turned out to be impotent, so the task of producing an heir falls on him. they basically want ayuan back.

15 wwx told him he didnt need to worry. he didnt have to do anything for them, since hes so good at it. just marry another omega, a proper one this time, and have a child with them, as he clearly is able to. besides, wen yuan is already formalized as an heir to qishan wen. so if they dont want a war with the wens they better just leave them mother and son alone.

16 then wen yuan came around the corner, looking for his mother. he called out to wwx, telling him that the banquet is about to start, lets go back to a-die. wwx left with him without another word to lwj. "who was that?" wen yuan asked. wwx grinned, "no one," -i just wanted an excuse for wen wwx

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Burnt Out

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N has to work from home during Quarantine, but when she gets extremely busy it’s up to Tom to find a way to help her relax .

A/N: This is my second attempt at this piece. Last time I created this it was super long but it got deleted 😩

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night | Silence is Golden?|

All Y/N ever wanted was an opportunity to work from home. Then again, who wouldn't want that opportunity? All she could think about was how nice it’d be to work in the comfort of her own home, not have to dress up in business professional clothing, and most importantly be surrounded by the people she cared for the most. But as the saying goes, “Be careful for what you wish for.”

When a global pandemic decided to take over 2020, Y/N certainly got her wish. Her company was forced to work from home until further notice, but what she didn’t expect was the amount of work she would be given. Y/N was pulled from project to project with deadlines thin as paper, and was expected to pick up the extra work of those that were no longer with the company. There was no time to catch a breath, and there certainly was no time to spend with her beloved boyfriend, Tom. This only made Y/N more depressed and made the Holland boys only more concerned.

“Mate, you got to get her to take a break. She’s gonna overdo it.” Harrison commented to his best friend, as they watched Y/N type away like a zombie from the kitchen.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Tom responded with a defeated sigh. “Every time I ask her, she always brushes it off and claims shes fine. Don't get me wrong, Im proud of her and admire her work ethic, but damn its sucking the life out of her.”

Both Harrison and Tom continued to observe Y/N with a cup of tea on hand, wondering how long it would take before she snapped. Tom hated seeing her like this. To him this wasn’t fair. It’s not fair that her 8 hour shift now became a 15 hr shift. Its not fair that she had to work 3 weekends straight, and it certainly wasn’t fair that her company took precious time away to be together. It was hard enough already that he couldn’t spend time with Y/N like a normal boyfriend would because of filming. Now, that he has the opportunity to make up for the lost time, it’s taken away.

“What if you surprised her?” Harrison quipped.

Tom looked up at his best friend with curious eyes. It took a few minutes to sink in, until the brightest idea figuratively smacked him in the face. “Yeah...yeah!” he responded, a smile forming “And I think I know exactly how to do it.”

As Tom was working through the thought process of his brilliant plan, his younger brother entered the kitchen, looking for his usual afternoon snack. “Hey, does anyone know where —. Oh no...” Harry groaned as he looked up at Tom and Harry. “Whatever it is that you two are planning...Leave me out of it.”

“Come on, mate. You dont even know what were planning.” Harrison defended

“Believe me, I know enough and any plan that involves you in it, is likely to fail 99.9% of the time.” Harry opened up his bag of crisps as he continued to list out the other 99 possible reason why they should have left Y/N alone like she wanted. “Cmon guys, you know how she gets. When she doesnt want to be bothered, she doesnt want to be bothered.”

“You’re right Harry, but she’s so stressed, she’s homesick, and one day she’s going to overdo it. Id be a shit boyfriend, if I let it happen.” Tom reasoned. “Look, Im not trying to do anything crazy here. I just want to give her that sense of comfort and see her relax.”

Harry looked at his brother and then at Harrison, both displaying their best puppy dog eyes, in hopes that he’ll join in. “The face doesnt work on me...but I’ll help for Y/N’s sake.”

Meanwhile, Y/N continued her work in the living room, her eyes firmly glued to the computer screen. After being dragged into the kitchen and the Holland plan, Tuwaine slowly made his way to Y/N. “Hey Y/N.” he happily greeted. “I think it’s time for you get some fresh air, don’t you think?”

Y/N looked up, her glasses slightly shifting forward down her nose. “You know theres this thing called being stuck in Quaratine right?” she responded, continuing to code her project.

“I think the real question is do you really want to work here when there’s just nothing but CONSTANT NOISE !” Tuwaine yelled out, hoping the others would catch on.

“What?!” Tom yelled back. It took him some time to realize what Tuwaine meant by his statement. “Oh...Right!” Quickly, Tom grabbed whatever pot or pan he could grab his hands on and dropped them on the counter. Harrison and Harry gave Tom the strangest look. “What? I gave him some noise?”, he shrugged.

“See?” Tuwaine smiled back at Y/N. “You wouldnt want to distract that working brain of yours with all this going on, right?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Tuwaine as she looked at him and the closed off kitchen. Did they think she was born yesterday? Of course she knew they were up to something. None of the boys were subtle enough to keep everything hush hush.

Y/N shook her head and decided to just go with it. The faster she complied, the faster they’d leave her alone, which only meant more time to finish her work. Tuwaine helped carry her laptop, mouse, and charger to the porch as he led her outside. “See, arent you glad your outside, breathing in fresh air with no distractions?”, Tuwaine spoke out.

Y/N took her time to admire the view. “Wow”, she whispered under her breath. Y/N couldnt remember the last time she set foot outdoors. Seeing the sunlight hit the flower beds, the gentle breeze rustle through the grass; it was beautiful. Of course, the moment was short lived with a simple ding, which only multiplied by the second.

Y/N dripped her head back, trying to rub out the frustration from her face. “Yes, well it was fun while it lasted. Duty calls.”

“Im sure they wouldnt mind if you just took five minutes for yourself at least.” Tuwaine commented, feeling bad about the amount of work he saw popping up on your screen.

“Yeah well that’s Corporate for you. Doesnt matter if you’re 500 km away or if a virus is hurting the population. If you’re not working, you’re useless.” Y/N shrugs. It wasn’t like her company was completely evil, this was just how business worked.

“I know Y/N, and we all see that you care deeply about your work but we’re all so worried about you too. We want you to be mentally okay as well. I know Tom is worried about you the most...He misses you, you know.”

Y/N’s heart dropped the second she heard him say it. She knew that all of this was gonna take some time away from Tom, but she hadn’t realized how much he would be missing her, even though they’re living under the same roof. “Yeah I miss him too, more than anyone will know. Believe me.” Y/N pondered for a moment as she stared at the work in front of her. Perhaps five minutes couldn’t hurt. “Maybe I will take that break after all.”

“Really?”, Tuwaine was surprised she had agreed so quickly, and at the same time he panicked. Tom and the others were not ready for Y/N’s surprise yet. “On second thought, Im wrong. You should keep going and try to finish up that project of yours or else you’ll never be done.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N asked as she tried to close her laptop. “You just spent a whole half hour trying to convince me to stop working, and now you want me to go back and work?”

“Yeah..I mean what do I know, right?” He laughed nervously. Tuwaine looked back at the door, for some sort of signal. Come on man it’s not like your preparing a break for the Queen of England.

“Listen Tuwaine, if I go back there and you boys break anything in that house...I swear— I’ll”

“Y/N!” Tom interjected as he stepped out to the porch. He wrapped his arms behind her waist, giving her a gently kiss on the top of her head. “How’s work, my pretty girl?” He looked back at Tuwaine and mouthed a thank you to him as he left the love birds alone.

Y/N turned around to face Tom, taking in his features and running her hands at the nape of his neck. “Busy, but what else is new? I’ve been missing you a whole lot”

“Me too, darling. Anyway, Im really hoping you can take a break from all this because I’ve got something special for you.”

“Oh no, babe. You know you didnt have to anything for me. Really Im fine..I-“

“I wanted to. In fact the boys wanted in on it too. So this is really from all of us, if you think about it.” Tom grabbed Y/N’s hand as he led her back in to house. “Come.”

As they both enetered the house hand in hand, Tom led Y/N into the kitchen, where the rest of the boys waited with diner burgers in hand and warm homemade chocolate chip cookies on the side of table. What seemed like a simple meal was a cure for any bad day..at least for Y/N it was. It represented a sense of home for her, while being far from Jersey. Even though she hadnt realized it, Tom and the boys knew she needed it. “Wow” Y/N breathed “I...I dont know what to say.”

“Dont say, just eat” Harrison laughed. “In all honesty this was Tom’s idea. We just wanted to make sure you had the support you need.”

“Yeah you deserve this, so please enjoy it.” Harry added. With that, everyone dug in and bonded over a family dinner, sharing laughs and stories. Tom leaned toward Y/N whispering in her ear, “I have a few more surprises after this.”

The next few surprises did not disappointment. He set up a nice warm bath for the two of them to relax and enjoy each others compny. A few subtle kisses, laughter, and silence was shared between the two. Y/N leaned back into Tom’s chest, feeling the water gently flow back and forth. Breathing in and out, she had forgotten how good this felt. Being close to Tom, was a different experience, one that no one could ever do justice. This was what she really needed.

After the bath, Tom led her into their shared bedroom. For a moment, Y/N stopped him as she pulled his head down to hers, giving him the kiss he rightfully deserved. Her lips crashed with his, his hands gently holding the sides of her tiny face. He picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and situated themselves on the bed. Reluctantly, they both pulled away, catching their breath. Their foreheads touching and noses gently rubbing the others. “I love you. I love you more than you could possibly know.” Y/N whispered to him

“And I love you. I just want to give you the world because you deserve it all. My hardworking pretty girl.” Of course all good things must come to an end.

After a great well spent break was shared between Y/N and Tom, she was back on the work grind. Only this time she was working in their room as Tom was reading a script for his next upcoming project. The more Y/N coded, the sleepier she was getting. It onyl took a few minutes before she started leaning into Tom and her eyes started to flutter. Her breaths became slower and she was out like a light.

Tom turned to look at Y/N, smiling to see the sight of her finally at peace. He removed her glasses and set them by her table side. Tom made sure to clock her out of work abd checked to see if her work was saved. Just as he was about to turn off her laptop, another message popped up. “Great”, he muttered, rolling his eyes at the fact her team is still working at this hour. He couldnt help but read it though. Just how badly did they need her anyway?

We all know how hard you’re working and going above and beyond to get these projects out the door. For that, we thank you! On behalf of the company we’d like you all to take a day off on us!

Tom smiled, relieved that shell finally get some time for herself. Feeling triumphant, he shut off her laptop and set it aside. Crawling back into the bed and covering themselves under the blanket. His arms wrapped her waist once again. “Goodnight, my love. Im so proud of you.” he whispered.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Killer In Disguise

Gif credit @jasonstodds.

Requested on wattpad.

Hope you all enjoy.

Happy Reading Dollies.

"Scott, idiot this is my sister Y/N". Derek introduced you to Stiles and Scott.

"Nice to meet you guys. Heard alot about you". You eyed Stiles who was awkwardly trying not to stare at you.

"So you're going to be going to our school"?

"Right".

"Um, do you know what classes you'll be taking"? Scott nervously rubbed the back on his neck.

"I dont know for sure yet. Derek hasnt went and got my schedule yet". You nudged your big brothers arm playfully.

"I'll get them. It's the weekend, I have other matters to attend". Derek sighed rolling his eyes. He maybe your big brother but you sometimes acted like your mom. Staying on him about things. He needed someone watching his back.

"You're right, I have to get ready for school anyways. Make sure I have everything so I'm going to go". You waved bye and left.

Derek crossed his arms growling at Scott and Stiles. "Dont even think about it".

"What'd we do"? Stiles asked innocently.

"I will rip you to shreads and bury pieces of you around town. Don't even think about". Derek warned them. Derek walked away and Scott shrugged his shoulders.

"Over protective". Stiles wrapped his arm around Scott and headed home.

Monday came, you were excited but also really nervous. Before living with Derek you were homeschooled so being in highschool was scary. Were you going to fit in or make a fool of yourself the first day? It was swimming in your head not to screw up or say something stupid.

As you walked in you saw Scott and Stokes at their locker, you went over to say hello.

"Y/N, hey". Stiles spotted you before you could say anything.

"Hey".

"So how's your first day going"? Scott asked as he slipped on his back pack.

"Good I guess. I aciddently bumped into a girl with red hair and she yelled at me but other than that its okay".

"You..you bumped into Lydia Martin? Did she smell nice? I bet she smelled nice". Stiles leaned against the locker with heart eyes coming out.

"He has a major crush on her. But she won't give him the time of day and plus shes dating Jackson".

"I didn't smell her. Sorry". You chuckled as Stiles started falling from the lockers. 

"What class you got next"?

"Math".

"Hey, me too". Scott grinned.

"Great, you can show me where its at".

"See ya Stiles". You and Scott both said as Stiles jumped up acting like nothing happened and walked off.

During math class you were actually paying attention and surprisingly knowing what the teacher was talking about until you looked out of the corner of your eye and saw Lydias head tilted your way and her filing her nails as she watched you.

Yeah, she hated you. First day and already made a enemy. Great.

You tried to ignore her but she threw something at you. You didnt turn around but you could hear giggling and chuckling.

She kept doing it when the teachers back was turned. You were starting to get angry. Your knuckles started growing white as you gripped the desk. The wood started to split. Pulling your hand back you saw your nails had grown at least two inches, your hands started growing hair. Oh god, this was not happening in the middle of class.

Scott looked up from his book and saw you were freaking out trying to hide your hands in your jacket. But he noticed your teeth and your eyes. They were a amber color.

"Sppt. Y/N". Scott tried to get your attention.

You couldn't control it. You had to get out before you exploded.

Not even bothering to get the teachers permission you bolted out the door. The teacher protested. "Where is she going"?

"I think she had to take her medicine". Scott tried to cover.

"Was she okay"?

"I'll go check". Scott rushed out the door, looking down the hall he saw you stagger into a bathroom.

He carefully walked into the bathroom. "Y/N? You okay"?

Scott heard growling coming from the last stall. "I know what you're going through. Come out and we can sort this out".

Gulping you opened the door. There you stood, all wolf like. You couldnt believe it. Derek and you thought the werewolf gene skipped you. You showed no signs of werewolf.

"What the hell is happening"?

"You've unleashed the werewolf". Scott chuckled.

"Not funny. How do I make it go away"?

"What made you mad"?

"Lydia. She was throwing paper balls at me. I just want to rip her head off". You growled loudly.

"Okay. Calm down. You cant be this in school".

"I can't. I dont know how". You started to panic.

Scott thought of what Stiles did when he went all wolfie. He sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. But he didn't want to do that to you.

"I'm going to try something just dont kill me". Scott stepped closer to you until you were between him and the wall. He leaned in and kissed your lips. At first it wasnt working then something in you relaxed. Soon your arms were around his neck and not hairy anymore.

You pulled back. "It works. Holy crap it worked". You squealed kissing him again.  Scott stood there happy with himself.

"Thanks Scott. You saved Lydia".

Scott laughed.

"Okay, you saved me too".

"No problem. If this happens again I'm here".

"I'll keep that in mind". You giggle. "What did you tell the teacher"?

"That you had to get your medicine".

"What? Now everyone's going to think I'm crazy". You huffed with a shake of your head.

"Well. I think Lyida has already told everyone that".

"I'm going to kill her". You growled. Scott stepped in front of you.

"Kidding. Gee, I cant joke around"?

"Not when you're a freshly new werewolf that can't control your anger you can't".

"Okay. We better get back to class". You walked out before Scott and made sure it clear for him to come out.

After school and your little episode all you wanted to do was go home and forget the day. But apparently your wolf self had other ideas. The woods were right in your sight and you had to go in. You strapped on your back pack and sprinted off inside. Leaving the human world and going into something that you had no control over.

"Scott, theres a body". Stiles poked his head threw Scotts window.

"Yeah, I know. It was a werewolf".

"Wait, how do you know that"?

"Y/N. She turned today in class. She was going to attack Lydia".

Stiles fell on the bed. "What? Y/Ns a werewolf? I thought the gene skipped her? She was the normal one".

"Sorry Stiles but you're back in that role". Scott chuckled when Stiles started pouting.

"What are we going to do? She cant go around killing people. Especially not Lydia".

"We need to find her". Scott hopped out his window. Stiles went to the window panting.

"I'll take the stairs".

While Scott and Stiles creeped through the woods, Scott got a wiff of a scent near. He put up his guard and pushed Stiles behind him.

"She's here".

"Where? It's literally pitch black. Oh right wolf senses".

"Scott"? You came into the little moon light that was peaking through the trees.

"What are you doing"?

"I don't know. I remember going home from school and the woods but after that there's nothing".

"You killed someone".

"I did? No I didnt". You shook your head with disbelief.

"Why are you covered in blood"?

You looked down at your clothes, blood and hair covered them. Your mouth had blood and your hands. 

"Who was it"?

"A local criminal". Stiles spoke up from behind Scott.

"So it wasn't Lydia"?

"No why"?

"I dreamt that I killed her".

"You were blinded by the wolf rage. I'll call Derek to come get you". Scott pulled out his phone and called Derek. Stiles walked over to you, picking off hairs.

"Scott"?

"What"? He asked looking from his phone.

"Um deer hairs. Not human".

"What"? Scott walked over and examed you.

"You're not the scent that was on the body. How"?

"So I didn't kill anyone"?

"It seems to be your lucky day". Stiles patted your back making you growl. He quickly took his hands off you.

"You really need to work on the anger". Derek said coming out of the dark.

"Yeah, I know. Only Scott can calm me down".

"Really now? What do you do to calm my little sister there Scott"? Derek crossed his leather covered arms.

"Um..um..nothing". Scott stuttered.

"He kissed her". Stiles squealed on his friend.

"Stiles". Scott scoffed.

"What did I tell you"?

"Now is not the time for that. I'm either a killer or not". You talked over them.

"You're not". Scott and Derek both said.

"She could be". Stiles pulled off a chunk of hair and looked like skin.

"Alright. This is whats happening. No one talks about this again. My sister is not a killer". Derek grabbed your wrist and started walking off.

"Then she needs to control her anger. We cant have her killing people". Scott walked forward.

"I can control her". Derek growled.

"Not your way. I can do it with out hurting her".

"Kissing is not going to keep working".

"It may".

Derek looked at you then at Scott.  "Alright we'll try it your way. If she kills anyone you're taking the fall for it".

"Okay. I'll take care of her".

"Fine. We'll see you tomorrow". Derek pulled you along with him disappearing in the night.

"You just said you'll babysit a werewolf that cant control her anger? Are you crazy"?

"Maybe. But I have you and you've been there for me. So I need to be there for her". Stiles smiled as he hugged Scott.

"I love you man".

"Get off".

Scott and Stiles went home planning out on how they'll keep you calm. Well Scott has his plan, that he'll enjoy alot. Stiles was still worried. You were more angrier than Scott was.

[ablackfangirlwrites]

Aizawa was beyond annoyed

He had been interning at this hero agency for a while and it was his last year at UA

And he wouldn’t call himself arrogant or anything but part of him

Felt like a job like this was beneath him or at least he wasn’t going to learn anything from it

It was basically a glorified babysitting job

Some big politician was going to be in town and they had a daughter

And somehow it became his job to watch her

The whole thing was silly according to him

He would be doing this while his friends were outgoing on bigger missions and getting real experience

And he felt that he could be doing something way better with his time like that

So he wasnt that interested in every little detail the higher ups were telling him

He got the basic point you weren’t allowed out of the hoteroom while you were in town and he and another hero would be stationed with you and taking shifts

Easy enough

But when he saw you he got a feeling this job was going to be anything but easy

For one he had assumed you were a young child

But you differently weren’t

You had to be about his age

But you had an air about you that just screamed trouble

It was a complete contrast to your father who walked beside you

He walked like he demanded respect from everyone and that he was an important person

You just looked like you were irritated and couldn’t be bothered to listen to them when they were telling you the plans of the trip

“Eraserhead” he acknowledged you telling you his name but again you weren’t playing attention

This was routine for you for the last few years of your life

You went somewhere with your father (it wasnt like you had a choice)

And hed lock you in some hotel room because it was safest there until it was time to go somewhere new

You couldn’t remember the last time you were actually home

But at this point in your life you didnt care anymore

It was clear that this would be your life until you went to college in the fall

Something you couldn’t wait for Cause you knew you’d finally have some freedom

One of the other bodyguards tried to make a small conversation with you but you rolled your eyes

“You dont have to talk to me. All you have to do is show me my prison for the week.” You told him with your arm crossed looking it the window

Your father cleared his throat, “you all have to forgive her, y/n tends to be cranky after a long flight.”

You only clicked your tongue as a response

Aizawa hadn’t said anything

But he had already judged you

Bratty, spoiled, mean, and probably moody, and simply not pleasant at all.

This was going to be so annoying

When you all got to the hotel you and your father went your separate ways

And Aizawa simple followed you to your room, “If you need anything I’ll be out-.”

You slammed the door before he could finish

You had been to japan a few times before so you knew the area

So you had no plan to stay in

As soon as you got the chance you called your friends that you had in the city and you set off

Aizawa just sighed deeply outside your door

At least you didnt seem like your were interested in making his life a living hell

At least that’s what he thought but he didnt know how wrong he really was

It was when Aizawa came back for his second shift that he realized something was up

“Has she came out at all?”

They just shook their head, “Shes been pretty quite.”

“Have you checked on her?”

They shrugged, “I’ve knocked a few times but no answer I’m sure shes just sleep.”

Aizawa didnt think anything of it but something in his gut told him he should

A little after the other hero left

He knocked on your door to check on you again but no answer

He felt like he should have known better but he’d go to open the door only to find the room empty

“Y/n?”

He called out your name a few times but no answer

But then saw that your window was open

And like something straight out of a movie he saw you used your bedsheets as a rope to escape

Dread covered his face

He was done for

What was he supposed to do? How was he going to tell them he lost you?

Did someone kidnap you? How long ago did you leave?

So many questions ran through his mind

But before anything else he had already jumped out the window and started his search for you

You couldn’t have gone far

And you weren’t

You went out with some old friends and was hanging with them in a local club

You had no business being there

But this was the most fun you had in months

Aizawa was a good tracker so it was just his luck that it didnt take long to find you

He just thought of all the places a teenager would go

So that brought him to the club where he saw you dancing on the floor

He sighed in relief

At least you were safe

But that relief was short lived as he approached you

Because as soon as you saw him you took off

It was annoying enough to have to leave and find you

But now he was going to have to chase you

You were fast but he was faster

He followed you all the way out of the club and after having enough

He used to capture scarf to catch you

You faced him enraged

“Let go of me!”

“No way, do you have any idea how much trouble you could have got in? That you could have got me in?”

“That’s more of a you problem. Now let me go.” You said fighting against him but you couldnt set yourself free

“Not until we get back.”

And so he dragged you back to the room

He was lucky no one was there to see him bring you back

Once back into your room he let you free but he didnt make any move to leave himself

“You can go now.”

“Theres no way I’m letting you leave my sight. You could have lost me my job.”

You narrowed your eyes at him

You were going to leave again but you saw it was going to be a lot easier said than done

The next few days would go by dreadfully long for you

Aizawa watched you like a hawk

It was almost impossible to do anything with out him being 10 feet away from you

Most if the time whenever you were out you could escape

But Aizawa wasnt having any of it

He was going to be a hero and he wasnt going to let you or anyone else get in his way

“How’s your babysitting job going?” Hizashi teased him one day while he was at school

Shouta only rolled his eyes and just explained how much of a pain you were

“Have you tried to talk to her? You know shes pretty cute. I saw her in the news.” He went on talking

But Aizawa didnt care

He didnt want to know you but part of him did have to admit you were very nice on the eyes

But one day something changed

Maybe you were just bored when you saw him just sitting in your room

But you started a conversation

“What’s it like going to UA?”

Aizawa was surprised by your question

Up until now you seemed to have hated him

But he answered your question anyway

Which lead on to more talking

Which lead to a new appreciation for each other

Aizawa learned about how much you had traveled with your father and had never been to a real school or a stable home

And that you hated it

He actually felt bad for you

He couldnt imagine living like that and having someone always watching you

No wonder you were always trying to run away

It would the night before you were going to leave the country again that Aizawa was talking to you out on your balcony

It wasnt like the two of you were friends now

But you did have to admit Aizawa was funny and you liked him

Not to mention he was hot in a tired bum type of way

“So I guess this is the last night of me babysitting you.”

“I guess it is…”

Dispite starting off so rough the two of you did grow closer In a last few days

“So you gonna give the next guy as much trouble as you gave me?”

You laughed, “Of course. And besides the only reason why I stopped trying to run away is because you aren’t ass boring as you look.”

Aizawa rolled his eyes, “Sure…it wasnt because I’m actually good at my job.”

The two of you went quite, “I dare say I’ll even miss you Aizawa.”

Aizawa looked at you, “do you think you’ll be back?”

“Donno… I start college back home in the fall…who know what will happen till then.”

Aizawa just nodded “Well, if you do come back…I dont think I’ll mind babysitting you again.”

“Nice to know…”

The tension between the two of you was thick

And you being bold moved over and kissed him

He was shocked at first but he quickly recovered

The kiss was light at first but quickly got intense

But you pulled away when you heard someone knocked on your door

The two of you didnt speck the rest of the night

And when morning came he would be with the team escorts you to your plane

You stop and secretly gave him a piece of paper with your number on it “Keep in touch eraser.”

You whispered in his ear and wink before boarding the plane

Aizawa didnt know what to think at first he assumed the moment you shared last night was because you were lonely

But now…he wasnt so sure

He just gave you a little smile as he saw you bored the plane

And he’d laughed to himself you were really a lot of trouble

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[pechebeche]

I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this

I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.

Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33

I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.

thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.

but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.

if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.

(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)

what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)

i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.

i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.

i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.

[keai]

in the off chance that you see this...

will you let me know if you do?

my little 12 year old heart fell for you stupid fast. it was literally love at first sight and it wasnt because you were cute (bc lets face it you are good looking). looking back, its crazy how much i loved you, or thought i loved you. we didnt really know each other at all, but i was SO obsessed. i still cant explain why, but as a 20 year old i think that was the time i was beginning to show signs of anxiety/depression and honestly, needed something else to focus on. you also know i just have an addictive/obsessive personality. 

i remember we talked about those stupid young times and you said you were sorry for how you treated me back then. but i have to say you never did anything explicitly wrong. i didnt know how to handle my emotions and thoughts, i mean i still dont and thats why this even exists right? 

i remember crying myself to sleep over you, i remember hiding in school toilets because of you, i remember SO MUCH. i was truly in so much pain!! 

it wasnt just you of course. i didnt get much sleep bc i was always talking to this other friend that i never really talked to you about. i was also really struggling with the whole popularity thing at that time, and just wanted to quit being a popular girl at school. i know that sounds dumb, but being popular really wasnt fun, at least for me. i could never say what i truly thought because i had to care for so many people. i would always accidentally exclude people if i got closer to one friend because everyone wanted to be that one close friend, and that made me feel like i had to keep a distance from everyone. i could never be sad because other people thought i had everything. and i know that sounds pathetic but those are the things 12 year old girls think about i guess. anyway back to us

i tried a lot of things to ‘get over you’. it was so fucking stupid. i wore rubber bands and snapped myself every time i thought of you. would you laugh if i said that my arms would be COMPLETELY red in an hour? i also tried to like other guys who were genuinely sweet to me, but for some reason just thought they didnt measure up to you, even though you were giving me absolutely nothing (no hate just stating facts)

but eventually i did. and i just didnt think anything of you anymore - not in a bad way, i just didnt have an opinion. we didnt interact in school, i think til h3, because of math class. 

i had no fucking clue that your ex girlfriend minded me. honestly if i knew i wouldnt have sat next to you!! i thought i would be the last person she minded - after all, you broke my fucking heart without even trying, you know? if i liked you so much and still couldnt get you to like me, why would i think she would mind me? i dont know, sometimes im bad at logic i guess

anyway, i still didnt think anything of you. we had nice chats, but that was it. i think you would agree. ive actually spent a lot of time reflecting - were we flirty? did we ever cross boundaries? i remember how you told me you wanted to break up with your girlfriend. i remember thinking it was cuz of christina - it had never crossed my mind that you would like me. but it turns out it was me!?

now. this is the part that has bothered me the entire fucking time we dated again. does this mean we betrayed eliza? was she right in being mad? was this emotional cheating? i really dont know but i know now to not get involved in a relationship with someone who has just gotten out of one, because my mind will not stop thinking.

i hope you would agree that we had a good relationship. i wasnt cutting much anymore and generally gave less fucks about other people - something i have REVERSED back into now. but theres this part of me who wants to suffer. sounds dramatic but its true. if im honest, i was always torn between being a cool, chilled girlfriend and picking random fights, and making you upset on purpose. because thats what i did with MY exes and i knew doing those things would make me better feel your love. i also knew i was fucking crazy for even thinking about doing those things, but having a good relationship just wasnt...i dont know. i dont know how to receive love without it being fucked up in some way.

i would say the final 8 months of us dating was us being so careful with one another. i dont know what happened actually. maybe we just grew and changed. maybe i fucked up. i dont know. but it was fucking weird. sometimes we were fine and sometimes we werent. i really didnt know if you still loved me

coming back to taipei for the 2nd time, i got hit by this big wave of anxiety and panic about the future. something i learnt recently in school is that depression and anxiety often come back in relapses. like 70& of patients experience episodes again. of course, i chose not to open up to you. i knew you wouldnt understand. i know this is just my mind thinking stupid things, but in my brain youre perfect and never upset. you never overthink and never look back with regret on things. i guess thats the impression youve made on me since year 8. but me? i think back way too often and hurt myself. i dwell on past things, and now suddenly im dwelling on future things as well.

this is getting too annoying. long story short, i went to therapy and they referred me to a psychiatrist. i got medication. and that was still in the time we were together. i didnt tell you and im sorry about that. i dont know if im feeling better now. but i do think about how things could have been different if i wasnt me. if i wasnt so anxious and DEPRESSED would we have worked? if i wasnt so depressed in year 8, would i be different?

im not kidding when i say i dont want to be me. do you like being you? of course you do because youre you. but im me

you know that cheesy line where it goes something like ‘maybe in another universe, we would have worked out’. its fucking cheesy. but i really hope that there is another universe where hannah is different and is someone who can truly accept love from you, knows how to handle it and not let it go to waste

[willow-salix]

Isolation update! Big thanks to @hodgehegposts for the prompt and fun chats.

Day 67 of Isolation on Tracy Island and today I learnt that the Tracy’s and I have totally different ideas of how to protect ourselves.

Some of us were watching a movie and some of us, namely Kayo, were attacking everyone stupid enough to go near enough. 

“Arghhh,” Gordon screamed as he flew backwards and landed on his butt with a bone rattling bump.

“Who’s next?” she asked, beckoning us forward.

Alan rubbed his butt in remembered pain and shook his head.

Kayo looked at Scott.

“Nope, I’m secure enough in my masculinity to know that it's not a good idea to go up against you.”

“John?” 

“Erm, let me think...no.”

Virgil was on the upper level, headphones on, totally in the zone while he painted and we all knew that nothing would get him to move bar an emergency call and that wasn't likely to happen any time soon.

She looked at me.

“Nope, don’t even think about it. I don’t know anything about your fancy moves, I’m no karate kid.”

“You don't know any self defence at all?” Scott asked.

I shrugged. “Well, I know enough to protect myself in a packed bar, does that count?”

Apparently it didn't, because less than ten minutes later I had been wrestled into my workout gear and was standing on the mats in the gym.

“I don't have a good feeling about this,” John muttered to Scott.

“Nonsense, she needs to learn, it’s important she can defend herself if the need arises. Do you want her getting hurt because she doesn't know how to take down an assailant?”

“Of course not, but it’s her.”

“True.”

“I can hear you both, you know!”

“Busted,” Scott whispered to John, who sighed, knowing he was very likely to get yelled at for that later. And he would be right.

“Don’t listen to them, don’t let them put you off, you can do this,” Kayo encouraged me. “You can’t be that bad, you must know something. You said you could defend yourself in a packed bar, so lets start there, show me your moves.”

“I don’t really have a set of moves, I kinda just make it up on the fly,” I admitted, ignoring Scott's snort of amusement and John’s groan of disbelief.

“We can work with that, on the fly is what we do best. Scott?”

“Yeah?”

“Attack her, grab her from behind.”

“I dont think so.”

“John, you do it then.”

“I value certain parts of my anatomy.”

“Gordon?”

“Sure, I’ll do it, what's the worst that could happen?”

John actually laughed at that, he knew never to annoy me.

“No, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I said, backing away.

“You couldnt hurt me, don’t worry. I’m just gonna grab you and all you have to do is break my hold.”

“You sure?” I asked. “I fight dirty.”

“So do bad guys,” Kayo laughed.

“I can take it,” Gordon assured me.

“OK,” I shrugged and turned around for him to grab me.

“Just do what you would do in a crowded bar and someone grabbed you,” Scott instructed.

I nodded.

Gordon waited a few seconds and then grabbed me, one arm around my chest, another around my waist.

I didn't bother struggling, I leant closer.

“Hey, Sailor, oh, you’re strong. Are you single? Because I’ve got four kids at home that desperately need a daddy. You don’t have a fear of commitment do you? Because I feel like we could have something really special, you know? Do you feel it too? This special thing between us? Wanna get marrie-”

“I’m out!” Gordon dropped me like I was a hot potato.

I turned around, waiting for my praise.

Scott cracked up laughing, almost falling over, only his grip on John’s shoulder keeping him upright? 

“That’s what you do in a bar?” John asked in utter disbelief. “You’re never going out alone again.”

“What if your attacker isn't some creep in a bar, what if he’s following you home and jumps you in an alleyway?” Alan asked.

“Why would I be in an alleyway?”

“He could grab you and drag you in,” Scott answered, finally gaining control of himself and managing to stand on his own.

“Who’d want me?” I argued. “I’d open my mouth and he’d run away in fear.”

“Truth,” Gordon muttered.

“Grab her again,” Kayo ordered.

“Do I have to?”

“I’ll do it,” Scott sighed, stepping up to the bat.

“So no words, just fight? Anything goes?”

“Yep, fight like your life depends on it,” Kayo instructed.

“Sorry,” I told Scott in preparation for kicking his butt.

“Don’t be,” he scoffed. “Do your worst.”

I started walking.

“Oh, look at me, an innocent-” 

John snorted. I ignored him.

“-unarmed girl, all alone on this dark, dark street. It would be so terrible if someone was to grab me right about now...”

Scott struck, looping his arm around my neck and another around my waist. 

I went limp and he fumbled to catch me, seizing the opportunity I lifted my foot and stamped down on his toes.

“Oww, dammit!” 

Not giving a second I slammed my elbow into his stomach and jumped, smacking the top of my head into his chin. When he let go to grab his chin I spun round and went for his chest, grabbing and twisting.

“She went for the nipple cripple!” Alan screamed in delight as Scott screamed in pain.

I let go and dragged him into a hug. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you told me to fight!”

Scott accepted the hug, still whimpering pathetically.

“I said I was sorry, you know I love you!” I stroked his head getting a handful of gel which I sneakily wiped on his shirt when I patted his back.

“At least she kept it above waist height,” John commented.

“Well, that was…” Kayo started.

I waited. 

“Unorthodox and creative, but a woman wouldn't fight like that. Care to take me on?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. Nothing like taking down the big bro to give you a little confidence..

“Show me how you’d take on a female attacker.”

“Give me a second!” I stuck my hand in John’s pocket and retrieved the hairband I kept there for emergencies and tied my hair back.

“OK, I’m ready. Come at me!”

Kayo launched at me and I was immediately on the defensive. I head back, hands up, nails like claws.

“What are you doing?” Gordon asked.

“Cat fight, baby!”

“Cat fight?” Alan whispered to John who shrugged.

“Your hair looks awful today and those pants make your butt look huge!” I yelled at her.

“What?” she paused before aiming a punch my way but I screamed in her face and ducked, making her jump.

“Those boots give you cankles!” I kicked her in the shin and she yelped, hopping on one foot for a second, rubbing her leg.

I scrambled to my feet and grabbed her by the ponytail, yanking hard.

“Get off!” she yelled trying to spin out of my grip.

I let go and literally kicked her butt. I never go for the back, go for the butt, they never expect it. The sole of my foot hit her square on the cheeks and she stumbled in shock. That was my cue. I leapt on her back, screaming my best Xena impression, throwing all my weight on her, riding her down to the floor. I wound her hair around my fist and leaning all my weight on her shoulders, I pinned her down.

“That is not how bad guys fight!” she yelled, squirming.

“No, it's how London girls fight. I take it you’ve never been in a drunken cat fight with someone who thinks you stole her lipstick? You’re just lucky I didn't unleash my claws and go for the eyes, or smash your face into the floor.”

I got up off her back and helped her up.

“That was dirty,” she scowled at me. “I do not have cankles.”

“I did warn you all.”

“What are cankles?” John asked Alan, who shrugged.

“You don’t have a big butt either,” I promised her. “I was just trash talking.”

“Can you girls do that again?” Gordon asked, grinning at us. “Maybe have a pillow fight too?”

Kayo and I didnt dignify that with an answer.

“I think it’s time we teach you some basics,” John insisted.

“You still don’t believe I can take care of myself?” I huffed, folding my arms.

“Oh we know you can, but just in case you aren't attacking drunk people-”

“Hey! They always attack me first!”

“You still need to learn some real self defense,” Scott finished for him.

“Real self defence? How are your moobs, my man?”

“Oww, you’re mean when you fight,” Gordon accused.

“I...I do not have moobs!” he turned away, anxiously smoothing his hand over his pecs, just to be sure.

“Yeah, OK supermodel, you’re out of here,” Kayo ordered. “You guys too. We’re gonna start running through some basics. So, unless you want to be the attacker again, I suggest you get going.”

They got gone.

It was easier without them there and Kayo is actually a really good teacher. One day I might even be able to fight off a bad guy without resorting to a crotch shot. A girl can dream.

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[theworldsoul]

Okay so basically... lets talk.

I should've seen this coming. I should've known that after such a long period of happiness, something would give.

I went to pick up my glasses from the dinner table today, because that's where I left them. When I put them on... they wouldnt stay on. I checked and they were missing the two plastic parts that hold the glasses up and still on my nose.

I check the table for them, and I dont find them. Then I ask, like hey, did any of yall touch my glasses? Both the plastic things are missing. My dad IMMEDIATELY assumes that I took them off ON PURPOSE. For some reason. And I tell him no, i didnt touch them, all I remember is picking them up from the table and seeing the plastic bits missing.

Then I spend like an hour telling them no, I didnt break my own glasses, I FOUND them that way. And my dad is like mocking me, going "u always say 'I didnt do it!!!' Like you never do anything huh? I guess you're just perfect." And I'm like... BUT I ACTUALY DIDNT DO IT!!!!???!? and hes like "you never take responsibility for anything, blah blah, you're so fucking stupid, you act like a four year old, stop fucking crying, how dare you ask us if we know what happened, why are you trying to blame us, you obviously did it on purpose and now you're acting all surprised.." and I'm just sitting there. Taking it. Thinking to myself... wow. They automatically assumed the worst in me. And THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS OFTEN!!! I get blamed for shit I didnt do all the fuckign time.

So I'm just. Crying. Because theres a certain amount of verbal abuse i can take and it's not very much. I'm being interrogated. And its distressing, because I cant PROVE that I didnt do it on.purpose, because i GENUINELY DONT REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED!!! so they just get to assume that i broke my own glasses.

Why would my dad jump to that conclusion so quickly? Simple answer: he literally hates me. He holds back, I know, but hes done this before and he'll do it again, hes shown and said what he REALLY THINKS and he'll say it again and do it again and again and again because his mask is slipping. I dont know what I did to make him hate me but he does. That's just how it is. I can't change that. Man, my parents behave like children.

Anwyays so I'm just very upset, in distress, crying really hard, trying not to say too much so I dont make them angrier but also always telling the truth, which is that I DIDN'T DO IT AND I DONT REMEBER ANYTHING HAPPENEING TO THE GLASSES!!

He asks me, who did it then? I say I dont know but it wasnt me. He said who then, if not you. I said I dont know. He didnt believe me!!!

I hate when I tell the truth and people dont believe it. Like... this is the truth. I have nothing more to offer you. Take what little I give, cos it's my fucking blood.

Anyways in the meantime my mom is checking, looking for the plastic bits. She finds them in my coat pocket.

I am proven innocent. At what cost? Well, now I'm shaking, curled up into a ball, crying, and in actual pain. My brain cant handle so much pain so it transfers it to physical pain. So there I am. A fucking kid. Who's been punished for somehting he didn't do. And theres the proof.

My dad fixed the glasses. Left me there on the couch, still trembling. Gave them to me in a case. Said I gotta be careful. I said thank you. Because, even if I'm upset, I gotta make sure other people dont get upset. He said sorry, but he said it in this huffy way that made it sound reluctant. Then he was like, I said sorry so stop crying.

He wanted a kiss on the cheek and I was gonna give him one because I dont want to seem like a dickhead, he DID apologize... and if you dont accept my dads apologies and move on and pretend that the word "sorry" fixes everything, he gets even more angry and i REALLY dont want to deal with him guilt ripping me over it. So I lean in for a little kiss and... I cant. I cant do it. My face crinkles up all ugly and I start crying hysterically every time I get close. I try a few times but I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of like... oh god. I felt so hurt. Like a scared little rabbit. Oh shit, I was fucking scared. I couldnt do it. It made me feel disgusted.

I said, later I'll do it.

I dont know why he thinks he can hurt me so bad and make me cry, then give some shitty apology and expect me to change my mood entirely and go back to being all happy. That's not how it works. If you hurt someone, they stay hurt. Your shitty little word, "sorry", doesnt make me feel any better and doesnt fix any of the damage.... but I have to pretend like it does because if I dont you get mad, and you say I'm mean for not accepting the apology,,,

Later on, he did come for a kiss again. I was in my room, pretending to be busy so he would ignore me but he didnt. This time, I didnt kiss him but I allowed him to kiss me. I just... I couldnt kiss him. I was holding back tears, and i knew if i tried to kiss him i would start crying all over again and make him upset or angry. So I just sorta... let him kiss me on my forehead. Then I went to the bathroom fast as I could, acting like I had to brush my teeth.

I locked the door, sank to my knees, and cried. Hard.

I just wish that I had a dad who loved me, or who knew how to love me... or who I knew loved me, a dad who knew what he was doing, so I didnt have to debate if he loved me or not in my head.

God. I feel so small. Like I literally feel like a little kid right now. Fucking hell. Looks like tonight I'll be indulging in my delusions, playing pretend.

It's sad that my parents fuck me up, but its sadder that afterwards I dont have anyone to comfort me and help heal me.... only myself and whoever I bring to life in my imagination.

Sometimes when I get overly upset, when I'm pushed to the edge like this, I begin to feel... a lot younger? Like shockingly younger. I'm not even the same dude anymore, I'm a fucking five year old all of a sudden. Which makes the situation even more scary and painful.

Just imagine like, a hurt scared little kid with no one to help him. He's tryna pick himself off the ground and hes telling himself "shhhhh... it'll be okay" that's me. That's literally me and it makes me feel so fucking BAD but its true.

I've been breaking down. Earlier in the day I had trouble on a quiz because I didn't know the definition of a word in a poem and I couldnt answer the question (does character A like character B?) And when I asked they said they couldnt tell me which was bullshit but whatever. Uhm so I got upset. Like, scarily upset. I gave up, wrote that i didnt want to do the question on the paper, guessed at half the answers, crumpled it up and threw it to the ground. Then I just... spaced out for the rest of class because I was STILL upset and fuck them.

At one point I left to go cry in the bathroom, but when i went in there, all the stalls were taken and there was a huge group of guys in there, like maybe ten people in there total, so I ran back out and was like fuck now what. Now I wait. I waited and nobody came out. I double checked and they were sitll there and I ran out again. I dashed to another bathroom down the hall hoping it was empty. I was blasting metal in my ears to try and drown out the FEELINGS, I hate feeling things. Got into a stall, slammed the door, started CRYING, sobbing, talking to myself, all of this with metal music blaring out of my headphones. I composed myself. When I went out of the stall I checked my eyeliner and it was... well, you could TELL I cried. I didnt bother with it tho, i just ran out of there.

Ugh and when I got back I kept doing the stim that usually evolves into literally hitting myself, so that was. Bad. At least this time I refrained from beating the shit outta my own left arm.

God.. I hope everyone who hurts me, everyone who ever fucking hurt me, feels GUILTY as all hell. I hope whatever being made me FEEL all these emotions so hard so strong so fast, ROTS. because nobody deserves to feel so intensely upset that they resort to the worst ways of coping. No one.

I'm just glad I didnt relapse. That's a positive.