#assigned unlovable at birth

[tottymatsuno]

Zaimoku as a failed duo is so funny to me bc it really does bleed into the group dynamic a lot, since both Todomatsu and Karamatsu are often the odd ones out.

They didn't even rly get along in s1 despite literally trying to, and quickly stop associating with each other despite literally having been assigned each other's name buddy since birth, and also having been besties as kids. We dont even find out why exactly they fall out in the movie, theyre already basically estranged despite Karamatsu clearly being sensitive, and Todomatsu having actively helped him with his acting career (the saw parody episode ncnsns) like they were two sweethearts, but totty basically alternated between choro (ideal bc he could kangaroo and be tolerated), ichi (who he shared friends with), and oso (badbadbad!) But Karamatsu was not an option!

Even in s2 theres not a specific reason why they fell out and continued to be estranged, they actually have a lot of parallels in the things that happen to them, and their relationship with totoko. Theres the au in osoma that shows that they could be at least friendly towards each other despite their differences in sensibility (not shipping tho)

In s3 it makes sense that Todomatsu basically hates him now, bc of the cashier but ig im just kind of surprised by how long and hard he's held a grudge. And the fact he's completely taken over Ichimatsu's initial role as tormentor? Ichimatsu rarely goes out of his way to have an outburst at Karamatsu at this point meanwhile totty literally every opportunity he gets, including making opportunities just apathetically puts Karamatsu in harms way.

He just really kind of hates him? And that's a little uncharacteristic for Todomatsu who tends to get over stuff by the end of the episode, or only brings it back up if someone else does (like the christmas ep where ichi was like what happened to those girls from your job)

I think it probably says a lot actually about how much their fight over the cashier bothered totty? He's still clearly not over it, especially bc this behavior is consistently and exclusively towards kara. Like kicking him and making him fall when going to the bathroom, but letting Osomatsu potentially cut in line, or pushing Karamatsu during the hipipo movie.

I'm not even sure if Karamatsu himself holds any animosity towards totty or realizes why he's suddenly being singled out like that. I can't say what happened and why they were both rejected, but its very clear that somewhere between

This Totty

And this Totty

His confidence and expectations on getting into a relationship have drastically changed. I kinda wonder if he feels especially betrayed by Karamatsu, who's been distant from him bc of their communication issues, and bc this was the first time in the show not only did his brothers support *him* when he wanted to ask someone out, but bc Karamatsu is supposed to be his best friend from birth.

Even in the scene above, its Todomatsu who's actually listing things he liked, even if theyre superficial, meanwhile all Karamatsu is saying is "me too" and Todomatsu as the central character for the episode it makes sense that he'd feel the stronger of the two, but ig to me i see it and the fact hes still angry about it, as like deeper than that.

Because he doesn't really hold a grudge against anyone else. The only other situation i can think of is him making fun of choromatsus brown hair in s2 during his quiz. Like how does Karamatsu, who he's not even super close with in s1 still tie as his favorite brother, with his clearly favorite brother Osomatsu? I think it hurt him a lot more than he said it did, bc he didn't hit Karamatsu first and was initially content to just sit there together after their double rejection.

Anyways i dont think Todomatsu's more deserving of love than Karamatsu, and I don't think he's a better person either. I post about them a lot bc I feel a lot of direct (its onesided tho) competition with karamatsu fans, since for a long time i pretended to be one bc i wasnt confident enough in my own skills to write for Todomatsu, but also bc a lot of totty hate used to come from karamatsu fans, who especially judge Todomatsu based on his behavior towards karamatsu rather than the person he is.

I think karamatsu probably does deserve to have all the freaks who wanna freak him, but ig the thing i wanna say is I don't blame Todomatsu for hating him now, and to me, I love Todomatsu the most. And he deserves all of my love. Even if theres a few of us who would choose him over anyone else, or even if its rly just me, I want Totty to know somebody loves him just as he is without any additional qualifications, for him to change, or for him to be different.

But thats sappy and silly so im gonna end this post very classy and with decorum

[cyberkaban]

Easterman dysphoria lore(which I made the fuck up)

His mother wanted a girl so badly. She wanted to share a mother-daughter bond with her. And was so dissapointed with son oh so simmilar to the man, that left her to raise that same child alone. She wanted to pretend it's different, dressing him as a girl till certain age. Till she could no longer pretend Hendrick is a girl. Because boys are cruel. Boys hurt girls, boys hurt boys, and get away with it. And girls don't hurt other girls. And she will have to raise a boy, who once will hurt her too.

It once made Easterman think that if he was BORN a girl, his mother would love him. But if she didn't love him as he is as a boy. Why would she love her as she is, if she was a girl? It wouldn't fix much. He would still be unloved.

Hendrick used to look androgynous, to have very beautiful hair, he wouldn't mind braiding it, keeping it nice. Very pretty locks of hair. So different to other boys' haircuts. It was so noticable in all boys school he went to. But the trick is: Girls are allowed to be vulnerable, but not allowed to protect themselves, it's unfeminine. So I think he learened to take his place anywhere through violence and agression, so he wouldn't be hurt. It's like eat or be eaten.

It became worse with puberty. As if life itself was stripping him of his androgynity, forcing to make a choice, forcing him to be someone and exsist in what's assigned to him since birth. We are sexless to some point. It's as if we are pure before forming uterus or epididymis. As if he's forcibly stripped of his purity. The unwanted transformation, which our life consists of. It's not acceptable to wear dresses anymore: if your voice is getting deeper, your facial hair is growing, your shoulders get broader, your height is not so petite anymore. Like, shouldn't it feel good? To transform from caterpillar into a beautiful adult moth?

Puberty hit him like:

I think through time Hendrick learened to accept his place. Because you can't just refuse the norm, those who do are deviations,you can't just say "I'm none", because you have expectations and obligations to your gender. You just have to bare it your whole life. And maybe Easterman gets so misogynistic when it comes to women in Sinyala not only because mommy issues, but because he envies them. They in some way breached those norms, choosing science instead of house life and raising children. Typically what men should do. They do something impossible to him, like, women, who are supposed to be weaker,do something that he, a man, who is supposed to be stronger, can't.

He learened to accept himself to some point, because: Angels are non female, nor male. But God is a male, he has to be. But he's probably very unhappy about it

[girlymatsu]

is there any more lore surrounding villainess!erina? because i'm obsessed with villainess comics ( and erina tbh ) so i'd love to know more about her in that au. 👀✨️

AHH yes!! Nothing concrete or super fleshed out but I’ve thought of a few things… apologies for ramblings it may not make sense or sounds cringe/cliche/too edgy eep 😭

Villainess Erina is a lady in waiting for a female lead character (either totoko or just a generic y/n character)

She used to not be a noble but a peasant and used to play with Osomatsu when he and his brothers snuck off to play with commoners as kids… so she has memories of being with Osomatsu back in the day

Erina made a deal with cursed magic artifact to replace a noble girl and take her position and links with royalty. The family she ended up being with has plans with infltrating royal families and stealing their magical crests because I like the fun magical medieval world where villainess novels take place in lol, and use Erina to do so.

She is hoping to be in a better life and feel beautiful… have a fantasy happy ever after. She falls in love with Osomatsu through being with the mc princess who is supposed to marry one of the brothers etc it’s like an otome story… Osomatsu doesn’t recognize her ofc, and is amicable to her… but his focus is always on other people and shenanigans and is oblivious to her feelings… Ends up unknowingly being inconsiderate to the her who wants to be closer to him. She goes back to the cursed magic artifact to make things go her way secretly but ends up causing havoc and make her go a little crazier each time. It goes from accidentally cursing people with bad luck and memory loss in her favor, to her anger making her blow up and set a festival on fire.

She even uses corrupt magic to force an arranged marriage to happen between Osomatsu and her… but even then she feels unfufilled and not really loved because she forced it to happen… and feels no one really know her to ever love her.. and when Osomatsu find out how she’s like he will hate her…. Assigned unlovable at birth

Erina had always thought her life would be better living like a princess but is not the one chosen to be loved, she is still longing, and miserable. She thinks no matter how much she tries to slither her way into this world, she is still insignificant with fake beauty and fake jewels.

And yadda yadda she causes a lot of bad ends , one being that she kills Osomatsu and kisses him to see if true loves kiss would bring him back to life (it doesn’t) and as a result kills the rest of the brothers in a crazed state of mistaking them all for him.

And these bad ends timelines keep replaying and start blending together and erina will wake up remembering how much pain she has been in and harm she cause.. feeling no hope for herself </3 and she would call off her arranged marriage and give up completely until Osomatsu is like so thrown off by her change in demeanor and start to chase after her 🥺 like wait don’t u like me why r u leaving .. changed the narrative the story forced her to be in.. and that’s when love story happen.. but it must happen after all that tragedy

Anyways that’s it ok bye

[intersexalastor]

anyway. au where dabi is a prophet for some terrible god and jin is his long-lost soul mate destined to keep him safe. except touya wants nothing to do with this higher calling and begs enji to send the priesthood away because he wants to stay there, with him and his mom and natsuo and fuyumi (because shouto hasn't been born yet, and touya will think that they had him to replace him) but this will look Really Good for enji in the community.

meanwhile, the church or what the fuck ever they are, cannot find jin. they know he must exist because touya exists, but they are at a loss. the truth is, they're looking at other noble families and other high-standing citizens, because who else would deserve such a birth right than to be an honored guard of a holy tongue?

except jin is an orphan stealing salted meats and bags of rice and mushy fruit. and he gets caught and sent to prisons, where he will be funneled into a mad king's army where he is eventually discovered--over 15 years late

touya has been studying alone, hating his existence, hating everything. hating that tomura guy who was born destined as a priest and his divine-assigned body guard shu who is all about duty and honor and stupid bullshit like that. he hates them all. he hates whoever is sending these visions to him, he hates the blood and the headaches. and most of all, he hates whoever his "companion" is supposed to be, especially that guy, who's probably been living it up while touya's been imprisoned, unwanted and unloved by his family and a disappointment by the elders drilling mantras and prayers into his head.

jin feels like has a home for the first time in a long time. but touya wants nothing to do with him. they hate each other. touya spits blood in his face, and jin drops the food he's supposed to deliver on the dusty stone ground. and jin is forced to stand guard to touya's room and touya gives him not one soft thing to recline on. and jin pretends not to feel guilty when he sees touya's bloodshot eyes. and he pretends not to be confused when touya pulls him into the room, pressing his mouth against his, only to sputter and push him back out, cursing him a million times over.

until Some Shit Happens(tm) and they're forced to flee together and jin learns that the two of them are Young Souls who've only spent one prior lifetime together, where touya's previous incarnation overestimated his own abilities and jin's failed to safeguard him and they died in tragedy and those scars still haunt them now but touya doesn't care about that. that doesn't bother him, but it bothers jin badly. but if they don't pull it together they're going to suffer a similar fate and the people they've met along the way and maybe the entire world might be snuffed out for good

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

I Need Me (a poem)

Written By (headmates): Nico, Caspian

Written 6 June 2023 (6/6) at 6:30p

~

Access to me is a privilege.

I don’t owe you communication, updates, conversation

I don’t owe you contact

I don’t owe you control.

//

Unconditional love,

if I even choose to offer you that,

does not mean unconditional tolerance or acceptance

nor unlimited access and unlimited servitude. 

//

This means if I do not feel loved by you,

No matter how loudly you scream that you love me,

I am allowed to deny you access

I am allowed to limit and restrict your access

I am allowed to set boundaries

that include revoking your privilege of contact

if you behave in ways that make me feel disrespected, unseen,

unloved.

//

This means that I control access to me,

to my time, my space, my love,

and yes, even my kindness and compassion.

You do not get to have me for free,

cut into bite sized pieces for you.

I will not be selling my soul

especially not at a discounted price

way less than what I’m worth.

//

This means that I can and will set rules

which doesn’t mean I can force you to follow them

but does mean if you refuse to follow them

I can and will leave—

I can revoke access temporarily,

or permanently—

or respond in some other manner that respects my emotions, needs, and desires.

I am allowed to leave whenever I want

I am allowed to change the key

on my locked doors.

This does not mean I will be cold to strangers,

but it does mean that my walls are impassable without a key

and I have to give you the key.

So if you desire a relationship, closeness with me,

family or friend or lover,

I have to consent to the same

and for me to do so means you must meet the terms and conditions first.

//

I need me more than you do.

I need my love more than you do.

I am the only one who will be in my head at all hours of day, night, and otherwise.

storms, sunshine, progress, stillness;

I am the only one I will always have with me,

and that means I need to treat him well,

because he always needs me

and I can’t pour from my cup until it has more than drops to give.

//

This also means I get to prioritize who gets my energy first.

First come first served is out the window

Now it is

most respectful, safest, most consistent,

one who reciprocates, one who makes me feel the most loved,

if I have energy to share,

She gets me first,

and if that leaves my cup with drops,

I need me more than you do,

and she deserves me first.

//

I may offer you laps from my cup when it overflows again

but right now I have drops at the bottom, barely enough to drink,

not enough to soothe my parched throat

love-starved, affection-starved, touch-starved—

so I need me.

//

I need me more than you do.

I need my love more than you do.

and once I recover,

She needs my love more than you do,

because she loves me back the way I need her to,

because she chose me the way many of you wouldn’t,

because she deserves me,

because I love her too.

//

You do not come first just because you were assigned family at birth.

That assignment can be removed

now that I have a voice of my own.

I can choose my own family,

and while family doesn’t end in blood,

that also means not all blood is family.

//

You are mine by DNA,

but I am mine by choice,

and I am hers by choice,

and I am their son by choice,

and I am his brother by choice,

I am their sibling by choice,

and you, mother and father,

grandfather and uncle,

brother and cousin,

until I choose you

and until you make me want to choose you,

you are not mine by choice.

//

So earn me.

I am a gift to those who want me,

I am the whole package to those who choose me,

I am a galaxy of adoration and love and kindness and compassion,

and I won’t make myself small for your comfort any longer.

//

Earn me.

Do the work I ask of you,

or expect to lose me.

////

((Note: the “she” that deserves me is my girlfriend, & the brother/sibling/son chosen set is my adoptive family (they adopted me, I adopted them back, & they may legally adopt us in the future). this is about our biological family mistreating us. this doesn't mention or include friends because that wasn't what I was frustrated/angry about.))

~Nico

[cindysnuts]

The Minotaur

The Bull of Minos:

an unloved creature, his sole purpose was to exist as a blight.

Assigned the label of monster at birth,

he was thrown away into a cursed labyrinth

which would serve as his only home

and as his tomb.

Half bull and half man, he inherited the opportunity to be neither.

Being fundamentally misunderstood by his caretakers,

he was mandated to go against both of his natures

and feed only on his fellow men,

something neither a man nor a bull would ever do

unless he was forced to.

But it is what a monster would eat. And so it is what he was fed.

For the crime of daring to exist outside the binary delineating man from all else,

his life was spent in a prison designed to torture the mind,

becoming the fiend the oracles thought him to be,

and he was slaughtered.

His killer was immortalized as a hero

and secured a throne as reward

for ridding the world of such a deplorable beast.

He was given no eulogy.

Asterius was his name, meaning “Star.”

Perhaps it is a bit ironic, considering he spent his one and only life on this earth

locked underground

far away from the beauty of his namesake.

He was never able to live as himself,

never able to use his true name.

Who could he have been, if not so despised?

What could he have done?

Whom could he have loved?

Would he really have been a monster?

Is he the Mythological Minotaur?

Is he the Bull of Minos?

Or is he Asterius, the Star?

It is too late to change his fate,

but perhaps it is not too late

to change ours.

[golvio]

Seriously, though, I unironically LOVE this gal because she is SUCH a disaster. She’s like if you paired Batman/Palpatine levels of capacity for scheming and pretending to be someone she isn’t with a traumatized, emotionally neglected child’s level of understanding of how geopolitics works. And then gave her a tactical supergenius secret best friend/lover who could serve as a beta reader for her plans.

She wanted to stop the empire she was created to rule from destroying this beautiful planet full of funny little people she loved to play with, and to protect her new best friends from said empire’s retribution and general intolerance for Gems who didn’t fit their Assigned Purpose At Birth (APAB). But her ENTIRE plan hinged on her emotionally absent parental figures not caring about her enough to retaliate against her assassins. She’d felt so unloved and neglected she was convinced they wouldn’t care if she died, thinking they saw her more like an annoying little pet they had to control than their own beloved child, and that if she was shattered, they’d just be like, “Oh, well! Time to go make a new, better daughter that we won’t have to lock in a tower or yell at for acting like a child instead of a perfectly formed miniature adult!” and fly away back home.

However, not only was her childlike reasoning based on her own emotional trauma and poor grasp of empathy totally wrong, but her fake assassination escalated her rebellion into an outright intergalactic civil war with a catastrophic death toll. Millions shattered beyond repair, millions more turned into horrifying monstrosities in constant physical and psychological agony as a form of collective punishment, regardless of which side of the war they were on.

And then she had to live with that. For the entirety of human history. While having to pretend she was an emotionally mature adult with no regrets who had all the answers. And if she ever so much as spoke about what actually happened or how much it had messed her up, it would risk imploding two out of the three close connections to other people she had left. And before she’d assassinated herself, she’d placed a geas on the third close connection so that she couldn’t talk about it, either.

Like, no wonder she didn’t want to exist anymore. No wonder she thought her family would be much happier and better off with an innocent newborn baby instead of her. Holy crap.

I feel like enough time has passed since Steven Universe ending to say this: inventing your own alter ego and then launching a war against yourself is an iconic move actually. It's like if Batman and Bruce Wayne had public beef except if entire armies were involved. She really Did That. She said "go big or go home" and then went so big that no-one could ever go home, and then changed the fate of the entire galaxy by faking her own death. She slutted it up bisexually and broke countless hearts along the way. Iconic move after iconic move. Non-stop slaying. A queen an icon a legend. No-one does it like her.

[leviosatothestars]

Hi hi!! Sorry I’ve been MIA for quite some time 😅 I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal shit, went on vacation, and I’m back to work. My birthday’s coming up and I’m turning 21 this year so that’s also been taking my time and energy.

But…I am trying to make time to focus on my writing this summer so I don’t just drop this fanfic I’ve been working on since 2020 and have put a lot of time, research, and effort into. And because it’s Pride month(!!!!), I have decided to share some info about certain characters in my fanfic 😁

So, I am well aware I have not finished introducing my OC’s, but I figure now is a better time than never to let you all in on certain OCs of my sexualities and pronouns :)

Starting with…

Eileithyia Knight!

Thyia uses she/her pronouns and is pansexual. She was assigned female at birth. Thyia focuses more on her platonic friendships and academics rather than pursuing romantic affairs, however when she has crushes (or fancies someone), she’s more so attracted to someone’s intelligence, morals, and heart & soul than physical features. She doesn’t care if someone’s physically attractive, all that matters to her is that the person is kind hearted and does right by their loved ones. While she says she doesn’t have a preference or a “type” she definitely does and that’s completely okay! Pansexuals can have a preference and type! :)

Celia Knight!

Celia uses she/her pronouns and was assigned female at birth. She’s straight, but doesn’t shy away from platonically flirting with all of her friends because she never wants anyone to feel unloved.

It’s no surprise that the sister of Eileithyia ‘Thyia’ Knight is an ally, or at least it shouldn’t be, especially when you look at how she was raised and who her friends are. At the end of the day, all Celia cares about is that her friends and sister know they’re loved and feel comfortable being their true, authentic selves around her. Celia would 100% go to pride events and help do her friends’ makeup looks for said events. While she is known for her docile and down to earth manner, she would 1000% cast hexes at anyone who uses slurs or bullies anyone that’s queer. She isn’t afraid of being handed a detention for standing up for what she believes in.

Aelia Knight the Second!

Aelia identifies as bisexual and demisexual and uses she/they pronouns because she thinks gender is a societal construct. Aelia was assigned female at birth. She has a preference for one person and one person only, however that does not neglect the fact that she has thought of others and been romantically and sexually attracted to other people too.

Aelia ‘Aels’ tends to keep to herself and has always liked it that way. Growing up, she was surrounded by the rambunctious Weasley clan and a metamorphmagus- it’s truly no surprise Aelia just wants some peace and quiet for once. The only solace she found growing up surrounded by so many kids around her age were the (somewhat) chiller ones: Charlie Weasley, Tonks, Percy Weasley, and Oliver Wood. They had a special bond with all four of them and through her friendship with them, she was able to feel comfortable exploring her identity during her time at Hogwarts. Aels had always kind of known she wasn’t straight, having had a small crush on Penelope Clearwater before realizing Penelope and Percy were in the talking stages of a relationship. Penelope was one of the few friends Aelia chose to make early on in their time at Hogwarts (as well as Adrian Pucey) and as Percy and Penelope became closer, so did Aelia and Penelope. Aelia hasn’t had many crushes or strong romantic feelings towards many people, aside from a certain Quidditch player, and doesn’t mind that. If that certain Quidditch player wasn’t in the picture, they wouldn’t feel incomplete or like they’re missing something.

Amalia Knight!

Amalia identifies as queer and uses she/her pronouns. She was also assigned female at birth.

Amalia honestly doesnt care to put more of a label on herself than queer. There isn’t a particular reason, she just feels that the term fits her sexual identity best. Amalia has had more platonic crushes than romantic or otherwise and has had a platonic crush on almost all of her closest friends. The only thing Amalia knows for certain is that she has a male preference and would do anything to support her friends and sister and she’s perfectly okay this way.

A/N: There’s something so special and significant about showing how being queer looks different for everyone. One person who identifies as bi could have the exact opposite personality as someone else who identifies as bi and I think that should be explored more. Not every person who identifies as bi or pan or whatever really has the same character/personality traits or fits into the mold of what the stereotype of their sexuality is. One of the reasons why most of my main OCs are queer is because I want to raise more awareness for the LGBTQ+ community and write characters that identify as such that are uniquely their own while breaking down stereotypes or misunderstandings about these identities. Just because, for example, Aelia has only had one true romantic relationship and it’s with a male, does not mean her identifying as bisexual is any less valid. Just because Amalia identifies as queer and has a male preference does not make her any less valid either.

[halfeviltotty]

My favorite thing about ososan is that zaimoku hate each other so much. Like they're exactly alike but they go to opposite ends of the spectrum in order to make a starker contrast. So they look more different than they actually are.

Karamatsu has to be a macho man even though in reality he is a very quiet anxious person with a much softer demeanor. Todomatsu has to perform femininity beyond what clearly is his preferred threshold when he actually is more futch than anything.

Karamatsu wears loud attention grabbing outfits because he wants people to approach him. Karamatsu asks women out in giant displays but he also wants women to go up to him ask him out. Karamatsu wants to be a statement piece, he wants eyes on him, he wants to draw people into his personality, he wants people to look at him and go "What a cool guy, I should talk to him!" Karamatsu is performing yknow? Todomatsu on the other hand wants to appear normal, he wants to blend in and pretend he isn't the same as his brothers. That he's the cute social butterfly of the group so he wears clothes he canonically doesn't even pick out himself. The store clerks dress him and he buys what they sell him specifically because Todomatsu doesn't want to draw negative attention to himself. He doesn't want people to go, "Who is this creep talking to me?" because of his appearance.

The two of them are the most vain of the group because they need to be in order to stand out. It takes the same hint of affection to make Karamatsu fall in love as it does for Todomatsu. Their true selves meet directly in the middle and both Karamatsu and Todomatsu hate that.

I've been thinking about at what point in universe did their relationship start seriously degrading and I think it was pretty early in s1? Todomatsu's love language for his brothers is definitely nagging. He scolds people very often, he doesn't want his brothers to do weird stuff because Todomatsu has experience with how isolating it is to be seen as abnormal without the sense of security that the other five bring.

Todomatsu is probably the only one who's been shown to be rejected multiple times and walk it off. Even in the benimatsu mixer episode Todomatsu left by himself in the dark and walked home without crying. This is implied to be a regular thing for him because we've seen Todomatsu at mixers before and we can only assume he goes home the exact same way. Osomatsu collapsed both times he was rejected. Todomatsu off screen has had to deal with that way more often because he's always putting himself out there.

And in the Star of Hope Todomatsu said when he figures out how to lose his virginity he'd come back for the rest of his brothers. He's been doing a trial and error run for a long time and so imo Todomatsu's nagging is him trying to teach Karamatsu how to function in society without becoming a pariah.

Like the entire family nobody is especially empathic in the Matsuno household. Especially not Todomatsu who is very logic over emotion based, he needs things explained to him when it's supposed to be about feelings. Totty is very low empathy but he's a very compassionate and sympathetic person. He really cares!

But for Karamatsu this was literally just Todomatsu mocking and belittling him. Not making excuses because even if Todomatsu intended to help he still was insulting his brother harshly and without prompting. Todomatsu is 10000000% in the wrong for that and Karamatsu is justified in being resentful.

Another thing in the ESP kitty skit Todomatsu laughed when Karamatsu was kidnapped as well as joining in throwing objects at Karamatsu. My understanding of this is that Todomatsu chooses his alliances based off of his own survival rather than trying to help others who he doesn't deem important enough to risk his neck for. Osomatsu in s1 provided the most protection and Todomatsu sincerely respects Osomatsu. You can see it in their s1 designs and the fact people still confuse the two of them. Todomatsu tries very hard to emulate Osomatsu and tries to be his duo partner so it's a monkey see monkey do situation.

This is still 10000000% wrong of Todomatsu. More examples is Todomatsu emotionally manipulating Karamatsu when everyone else was doing it because Karamatsu offered.

But!!!! Karamatsu does horrible and imo more traumatic things to Todomatsu as a group with the other 4 brothers. Karamatsu played a hand in getting Todomatsu fired, laughed and participated in Todomatsu's public sexual humiliation, kidnapped Todomatsu and tied him up and sent him out to sea, mocked Todomatsu viciously and enjoyed seeing Todomatsu homeless, joins in frequently if Todomatsu is being assaulted, has robbed him as well and did not step in when Todomatsu was literally dragged by a bike battered and bruised away.

In comparison Todomatsu being a bit mean, hitting Karamatsu during group brawls or not caring about the kidnapping isn't as serious as what Karamatsu has done to Todomatsu as a group.

There's this mutual animosity between the two of them and you can pretty much tell both of them are constantly thinking, "Somebody tell this man about himself before I do it bc I'm gonna make him cry." and then Ichimatsu without any prompting does it for them. Literally.

And now getting to my favorite part without all the angsty shit, I just think they're so funny because if they actually communicated their perspectives openly and honestly it'd end with the two of their mutual destruction. I think they'd explode each other to death. I think they hate themselves and hate how the other hates himself and I think the two of them would take their cynade capsules immediately after reaching a point of understanding bc they hate that guy.

The two of them get shitface drunk the next day and look a hot ass mess cruising for clit but they're each others perfect wingmen. Ichimatsu's there too because somebody's gotta keep them from stabbing each other and also for balance and also he wants to go out and also because I think 110 is so funny and cute. Ichimatsu is literally the missing piece for zaimoku to get along, they need someone who will say "shut the hell up and each your fucking food. Bastards." in order to function as a cohesive group.

Thank you for attending my ted talk

[todomatsunendoroid]

Is this the fella we think is going to bully us without gaining anything at all? This the girl we think would look at us and go "ur ugly" unprompted, or start shit for whatever reason? Her? Fr? Ms. Nothingo??

[tottymatsuno]

just feels thematically appropriate

[thermodynamic-comedian]

I am:

○ Male

○ Female

○ Other

● drowning (there is no sign of land) (you are coming down with me) (hand in unloveable hand)

[tottymatsuno]

Hi I was summoned! Hewwo Viri! I could go over this in depth but Todomatsu represents love in literally all its forms, familial, platonic, and sexual!

I can't find it atm bc I'm not on my laptop but Proper Todomatsu in S2e1 was the wings of the mecha that said "I ❤️ my" which is a reoccurring button in a lot of Todo merch and some heso sets!

He's a really romantic person and his primary goal is really to get a girlfriend he can eventually marry like in the 2021 valentines short.

But for sex and romance Todomatsu is like frequently associated with love and lust - he's Aphrodite in several Heso sets, sometimes his sets like the valentines day one is sexual when others aren't too

Todomatsu also in the anime itself is the only one we know his specific fetishes: legs, belly button wrinkles, and boobs, and is the only one who mentions the genres of porn he watches.

You might see the magazine Osomatsu looks at, or you might see the anime merch Choromatsu is into but Totty is very low key with his sexual urges despite having presumably the biggest libido since he asked his brothers if they jacked off once or twice a day.

I could also get into it but with Osomatsu he often is bold enough to actually acknowledge he's actually a fucking hormonal horndog. There's a heso set where the two of them creep some girls out, there's the beni mixer episode, the little condoms skit, and other stuff.

But yeah if I could add more images I'd put down every instance we've seen Todomatsu either show or mention his porn collection but unfortunately I can't. He's just horny. If you pay attention you can get a pretty clear picture of what he finds attractive.

He has a whole porn buying process, he's the only one who regularly talks to girls specifically bc "don't you want them to touch you and for you to touch them?!", a lot of his actions and goals are really just a means to get his dick wet.

But Todomatsu's so fucking classy with how he carries himself it really doesn't come off as he's really just horny and gross. But he is.

Which is why he's lust, bc lust can also mean love.

its kinda funny but totty is the only one who is the same sin between both that merch set and akuma riders :o

Truuuuue i just think it's silly because. He's also baby. It's very much a feminine lust with totty even tho he's the most comfortable in his masculinity

And this seemed related so:

FASCINATINg wtf Todomatsu Lol @abiesachalinensis

[transmascrage]

When it comes to transmasc representation in old media no one fits better than Oscar François de Jarjayes from "The Rose of Versailles" (1979) (Lady Oscar for my Italian friends). So much so that at some point I thought of having Oscar as my second name.

He's a fictional character set in a story based off of real-life Marie Antoniette as a teenager.

He's raised as a boy because he's the youngest of six, and never actually goes "back" to being a woman, because he dies fighting during the French revolution.

Oscar’s identity is a cause of great conflict in the manga and the anime. His agency is constantly taken into question, everyone around him is convinced he’s being forced to be a man by his father, when he’s constantly rejecting womanhood.

Transgender Identity as Parental Abuse, And Oscar's Agency

It's important to mention that Oscar is almost always referred to as a woman. The people close to him know he’s not cisgender, and always refer to him as a lady. But people who have never met before assume he’s a boy. 

He's always told to be more feminine by those around him except, most of the time, by his father. His father's decision to raise him as a boy is actually portrayed as dramatic, with thunder and lightning.

His friend André calls him Oscar while André’s grandma scolds him, telling him to call him Milady Oscar because of his lower rank as a servant. 

And even as Oscar tells her he likes it better this way, André’s grandma brushes her hand on a dress, reminiscing that Oscar could be wearing that instead of his boy clothes, and that she hopes one day he'll attend a ball dressed as a beautiful lady.

Later she drunkenly moans: "Oh poor Oscar, there's a conflict inside of [him], [he] doesn't know whether to be a man or a woman!"

Throughout most of the show, actually, people think Oscar acts like a boy because it's his father's wish, when it's Oscar himself deciding to present as a boy.

Oscar's agency is always questioned, just like it is for transmasc people and trans men (as well as the vague entity known as “the children”), supposedly "brainwashed" young girls. Many transphobes actually think trans kids are forced to transition because of their parents.

The recent decision in Texas to investiagte and remove transgender children from their families on the basis of “child abuse” echoes this sentiment, for example.

In the very first episode, André tells him "It's not too late! Become a woman, Oscar!" as he runs away. And even though he hated the prospect of becoming the Captain of the Guards, he chooses that over becoming a woman. 

The narrator even says "And so Oscar chose to become a man."

He's running away from his assigned role at birth by doing something he hates. He could have chosen to stay and "become" a woman, like Andrè and his grandma say, but he doesn't want to.

As his first assignment as captain, he’s ordered to dress as Marie Antoniette to take her place during a planned kidnapping, and he reacts by throwing away the dress and walking away angrily. His father actually sees his manhood as a costume he can take off whenever it’s necessary, Oscar sees it as his identity.

And even after Oscar's father decides to marry him off, he still doesn't want to play the role of a woman. But nothing seems to convince people that he's acting of his own accord.

Alternatively, many characters treat him like a silly girl who’s just playing pretend. It’s true that Oscar is young, but his identity in manhood is just as strong as those of the men around him.



Detransition Because of Social Pressure

Oscar doesn't express any wish of wanting to be a woman, except once when he dresses as a woman hoping to make a man fall in love with him, but learns the man is already in love with Marie Antoinette and desists.

Marie Antoinette also feels attracted to him, even though she says she’s disappointed Oscar was born a girl.

Which I think is very relatable for a transmasc person, to feel like we're unlovable as we are. Oscar trying to fit in his "womanly role" (the one time in the entire show) isn't really out of place, it's reminiscent of transmascs and trans men detransitioning because we're not accepted by the people around us.

Andrè, confesses to being in love with him (when he's seen him in nothing but men's clothes his whole life, might I add. He's not attracted to Lady Oscar, he loves Oscar the Captain of the Royal Guards.) but Oscar pushes him away and joins the army instead.



Transgender Identity Seen as Childish

At this point, his father regrets letting Oscar be "too unfeminine" and plans to marry him off.

This, to me, is another aspect of being trans even in a supposedly accepting family. There's an age threshold at which it's not acceptable to be trans anymore, that it's something childish that eventually the teenager will forget and join in their role in society. Then there’s the entitlement that families feel they have over children.

Yet another man, his rival, asks for his hand, but Oscar refuses. Then, as a Commander in the Army, he affirms his leadership on his troop, making yet another man, André’s friend this time, fall in love with him.

Most of these men have seen Oscar appear exclusively as a man. All of them, to my knowledge, are aware that Oscar isn't a cisgender man, but Oscar never presents as a woman, and he still manages to make three men fall in love with him.

Oscar realizes that he's in love with Andrè as well, and switches to fighting against the Monarchy with him, but dies by his side during the Storm of the Bastille.

The Return of Oscar

In a completely non-canonical book that only came out in Italy, Oscar doesn't die and instead becomes the Black Knight (a character that appears in the original manga), fighting against injustice.

It's revealed that he didn't die, instead just lost his memory. Once he regains it, he moves to England and lives a quiet life as Rose.

But that doesn't last, and he goes back to France to become the Black Knight. This is, in my opinion, just another instance of detransition that doesn't last (it's non-canonical as well). After all, Oscar is alone in England, the people that previously supported his masculinity are dead or have disavowed him, like his father.

He also kisses Napoleon. This man can't stop making men fall in love with him.

The story ends with Oscar leaving for America, but all of this is not canonical anyways.

In conclusion, Oscar's identity in manhood is constantly questioned or completely disregarded. Even as he says "My duty as a soldier comes before being a woman" everyone assumes he's simply being edgy.

Oscar is born to be a soldier and dies as a soldier. But being a soldier isn't even something he wanted to be in the first place. He just took on the role to avoid becoming a woman, both in the sense of getting married and starting a family, and in the sense of being seen as a woman.

Really, Oscar uses "soldier" as a short-hand for "man."

[inkweavers]

On Exmormonism

Or, the Journey thus far.

CW: Religious Trauma

I haven't been in the church since 2013ish lets say.

I used to be part of a transgender LDS support group on facebook, because I figured out my gender identity wasn't what it was assigned at birth as everyone said it was. I was resigned and accepting to die alone and unloved.

Endure to the end and all that right?

Then I met someone. Also AMAB, at the time she was presenting as male. And we hit it off in that quiet way an aromantic does. Soft and never serious until you realize how much you actually care for this person. And I felt panic. Loving them was my first action that would have been directly against The Church.

It was a moment after a con, I think after day one. A local affair in Utah. I was sitting across from a friend who was eating cheap sushi with me. And we talked on religion. Somehow, we got onto Buddhism. And I have studied into it, and found that I liked a lot of what it was saying save "Attachment is suffering" and the posit that being attached to life and living is suffering. It also bothered me because I was suffering because of my attachments to both my partner and The Church. In my despair I confessed this annoyance to my friend who said plainly: "Well, think about it this way: What is worth the suffering?"

In that moment, I was enlightened. My lover was worth the suffering, even the implicit suffering of hell, more than The Church and all beliefs therein. From there I let go of The Church.

Or so I thought.

I recognized that I was still in the State of Utah, and had to balance being out of the wardhouse so to speak but still be mindful of everyone who'd look at me as enemy. I didn't want that. So I never really became vocal about leaving.

Until 2016. November, 2016. I'm certain ya'll can see why I did that.

But after becoming vocal, losing my friends who where Mormon, I still held onto some things. The image of the ungrateful apostate bothered me. I wanted to be doubt in the mind of the members. To just be that question that itched at the queer members' minds.

And I was, I policed my talking about The Church in public, I kept quiet and I was deft at that. That's how deep The Church had it's hold on me. I was more willing to be silent and quiet about that life than anything else.

For a while it worked.

I moved out of Utah in 2019. I'm on the West Coast now. It's been good. I've been surrounded by people who care for me, friends and found family who are amazing. I've been getting a degree I've wanted. I've found many more lovers, and love them deeply. And that brings me to now. 2022. When on a whim I search the Exmormon tag on Tumblr.

And again, I am enlightened.

I survived a cult. I survived so much abuse.

And it is freeing to say that.

There is no winning move in the Shellgame The Church has left me and those like me in. So fuck it. I'm letting go more now. I'm letting go of this paranoia, like I let go of the shame.

And to that end, thank you everyone here who has given me such a warm welcome. Thank you, it is amazing to know people who have gone through similar.

Should a Latter Day Saint read this, and feel fear I say in the words of Wu Zetian of the Iron Widow [Good book, go read it.]

art by: imanchukies

Should a Latter Day Saint read this and feel hope. Fight. Claw your way out and actually find a space to breathe. You deserve freedom.

[tottymatsuno]

Please don't mind my typos 😱😭

i think y’all should see these tags about todomatsu and his phone by @halfeviltotty