#ass--sass--sin

[fic-heaven]

But you belong to me. (Graves x reader)

He was so annoying... And yet you craved his annoyance.

(graves never betrayed the 141 in here)

.

A whistle startles you when you were returning from the city to Alejandro's base, said man gives you a knowing look with a very noticeable hint of annoyance before he scapes with Rudy and you flip him the bird for leaving you behind to deal with-

"Lookin' good, gorgeous. I like tha' dress. It suits." Graves.

"Nice eye, American boy. Who are you? The fashion police? Here to admire my wardrobe?" You ask still a little confused as to how he spawned right next to you. Jesus, you'll have to burn this dress later... And apologize to Ale, he was the one who gifted it to you when he helped you pick something to impress a certain someone.

"Could be." Graves winks following your hurried steps with a small trot.

"Not with that haircut you ain'."

"You'll realize ma' hair won't matter much once I get to take off that pretty dress of yours and show ya what I've got in store."

You scoff and chuckle astonished. The Shadow commander never seemed to give up on his constant flirts, getting bolder and bolder with the passing time. Your banters with Graves have been quite frequent and very, very awkward. As much as you try to light them up with your wit, he screws it all with his broken humour and poor flirts which ends up in you feeling uncomfortable and your sass levels to increase but it never seemed to scare him off, it only tempted him further. You see, when you all were forced to collaborate with Shadow Company to track the missiles and Hassan in Las Almas you didn't think much of it, you'd stick to your thing and that was it. But the bad side of being and feeling attractive is that sometimes instead of gaining the attention of your crush, you'd end up having Phillip Graves licking your ass every opportunity he got seemingly enchanted with everything you pulled when you were trying to flirt with another different man.

That man being Soap frickin' Mactavish, the oblivious Scotchman. You could strip naked right in front of him tying your waist in a little bow like a wrapped gift and he'd pay more attention to the bow than your bare body. That sexy fool...

"I ain't got no time for this, dear. I'm tired. Mommy needs her beauty nap before we head to El Sin Nombre's mansion or wherever the hell he's hiding later tonight."

"I could accompany you. You know, warm the covers for ya before we-"

"I'll pass. But thanks! Ask Soap if he'd be interested in doing so instead, yes?" You smile to later grimace before going to the barracks leaving Graves behind laughing bitterly. How the hell could you make him take you seriously? That man had less brain than a sack of potatoes.

______

Perhaps you also had less brain than a sack of potatoes.

There was a very noticeable shift in the air when you went working solo with Soap at Diego's mansion. And it begun after you two bantered with one another and your team had finally managed to trap Valeria. Soap was characteristically oblivious of your flirting, and there was one certain pick-up line you said that was so clear of your intentions it made Valeria, who was handcuffed to the other side of the Heli scoff in disbelief, the other men chuckled lowly amused by your bold flirt.

For the first time in all the months you spent trying and failing at wooing Johnny, you felt pure embarrassment. Suddenly your team's laughs felt like they were mocking you, Soap seemed to be playing oblivious on purpose probably irritated by your futile attempts, and the weight of Graves' eyes made you shiver a bit, now you understood Phillip all those times he spent trying to court you only to end up being the butt of the joke.

Ghost was quick to notice your discomfort and with an authoritative bark he shut the other men up quickly before he gave you a knowing look you returned with a tight-lipped smile and a single nod. You all were quiet then, which took you by surprise because normally Graves wouldn't waste a minute trying to shift the attention you gave Soap to him, but this time he stayed quiet stealing a glance or two you way from Valeria's side, as if the blonde was giving you time to digest the discomfort and finally realize that perhaps Soap simply wasn't interested in you.

And fuck did it sting.

During the interrogation you remained professional trying to move on from the previous very awkward situation. Alejandro's temper tantrum and Phillip's sass helped you focus on the tied woman you were all supposed to squeeze information out of, the embarrassment was still burning your insides so you didn't comment much leaving the boys to their thing.

Soon enough, when the interrogation finished, you were approached by an smiling Phillip. He was content with how fast the interrogation had gone but you could feel his worry in the way he softly called out to you.

"You have a way with words." You said casually trying to halt him from making the question that almost fell from his lips. He obviously came to ask if you were okay and you weren't ready to answer that because frankly you didn't know for certain. Graves' fingers graced your forearm, you were wearing short sleeves at that moment so the gentle touch made your skin erupt in goosebumps, his face was sickenly soft as if he was approaching a wounded kitten until he broke it with a crocked smile and a little chuckle.

"Made her talk real quick. I'm an expert when it comes to interrogations, but that's only one of many skills as you'll come to know."

"Maybe she wanted to get it over with so she wouldn't catch more of your smelly breath." You picked on him with a playful smile of your own pinching his arm back before you crossed your arms on your chest.

"Were you jealous I was standing so close?" He bit stepping a little closer, both hands now tucked under his vest giving you this seductive look you were so familiar with.

"Should I? After all, I know you'll come right to me whenever you're done playing." Graves' brows quirked a bit in surprise. You were teasing him back, this was new.

But... Were you doing it because Soap had let you down yet again and you wanted to use him as a way of revenge trying to make your crush jealous?

Phillip moved his head to the side spotting Ghost roughly yanking Soap by the arm and walking away with him while bombarding his eardrum with whispered snarls, men stalking to the opposite hall you two were in. Phillip then looked back at you, your eyes were still on him, amusement written all over them. Now that Soap has left the scene would you drop the act if he pressed you a bit?

Graves launched forwards, his arms trapping you against the wall with a type of dominance that could only belong to a possessive commander. The huff you let out when your back hit the wall and the way your eyes widened in surprise as your palms shot to his chest so he wouldn't crush you made the blonde's smirk widen.

"You look adorable denying my advances, teasing me by staring at other men and fluttering those gorgeous lashes pretending you are not into me, (y/n). Lucky you, I'm not dumb." He whispers, his voice a growl of clear desire.

"What-..." Your voice failed you intoxicated by the delicious smell of Graves' minty breath. It seems you were in the wrong.

"I've got a darn good taste in women. Do you?"

He left you perplexed then. His back was to you when you were able to break out of your stupor. Graves just questioned your taste in men, what a joke.

But was he right, though?

______

The next time Graves tried to pull a move on you, Ghost, Soap, him and you were detonating a missile in the middle of the gulf of Mexico, the turbulent waters showed some mercy on Alejandro and the other shadows when they evacuated the zone of impact, the gigantic missile blew the oil rig and with it, one of Hassan's deathly weapons of mass destruction.

You couldn't remember how it went exactly, but in an instant Ghost was behaving strangely, taking the mercenary by the shoulder and guiding him somewhere else as Johnny approached your side near the big window that overlooked the chaos.

"I've seen plenty of explosions. But never like this one..." The Scott said softly under his breath like he was contemplating an spectacle of beautiful fireworks.

Somehow you weren't in the right mind and you simply hummed feeling distracted as hell. You'd excuse it as if you were simply worried about Alejandro and the other shadows but the truth was clear when your eyes went from Soap to Phillip. The last interaction you had with the commander had made your brain explode with a thousand new thoughts and none of them were about Soap.

The blonde was shaking Ghost's hand eagerly with a delighted face, he seemed satisfied with how the mission went. These Americans and their love for explosions...

"Y' alright, lass?" Soap called startling you.

"Sorry, what was the question-?"

Johnny brushed his mohawk back with a charming chuckle, you smiled at the sound of his sweet laugh but... You still felt very distracted. It was when Graves' blue eyes met yours from Ghost's shoulder that you felt something warm on your stomach before the tall Brit blocked both your line of view.

"Say, what if we all go find the others? I wanna see if Ale shat himself during the explosion, poor man must have lost a few more inches of hairline with the stress." The men laughed at this bumping fists and patting shoulders with one another, a short celebration for the successful mission. General Sheppard congratulated all of you individually in the comms and after thanking the general, Graves walked up to you while all of you were walking to the boats, Soap pressed to your side hugging your waist with one heavy arm as he looked at Graves as if whatever he was about to say was also directed to him. Normally you'd silently fangirl on the spot but right now the Sargeant's touch felt slightly suffocating. As usual, Graves never showed any care for Johnny's presence when it came to bantering and flirting with you.

"Nicely done, sarge. Next time we work together, remind me to send ya an application, you'd look great in black."

"You offering me a spot at your company, mister Graves?"

"More like a spot right by my side. I could use a very loyal shadow watchin' my back. Y'never know, right?"

"I think you have plenty of those under your command." You smirked waving a hand around you three, some Shadows who passed by chirped a "yep yep!" Instantly making Graves puff up his chest with pride, your sassy smirk melted into a sweet smile at his reaction. You knew Phillip was faker than Price's favorite Nike's, but the love he had for his Shadows was clearly real and honest.

Was his attraction to you just as honest? You asked yourself.

The American replied to you instantly making Soap stiffen. "You'd make a great Shadow, love. You'll never change ma' mind on that."

"And what makes you think I'd be so loyal to you, Ken doll?" You teased. Johnny was baffled on the spot but knew better than to say shit.

The way Phillip looks at you says it all. The bastard knows he lives rent free in your head, and sadly you just realized this now, just when Soap seemed to be reciprocating your advances you stuttered. Grey eyes under dark brows faded in your mind, orbes changing to a color blue under dark blonde brows. The weight of the American's eyes felt more intoxicating than Soap's.

"Yeah, we gotta go. Lt will lose his shit if we keep him waitin' any longer, right (y/n)?" Soap said in warning patting your shoulder.

But he was met by your silence, your eyes were firmly planted on Graves' as if leveling him, he didn't waver either. The bastard only broke eye contact to shoot Soap a smug look, he then turned back and joined a small group of shadows who awaited him on his boat but not before winking your way.

Fucking Graves...

_______

You all left after Hassan. Trying to corner the rat on the spot before he blew the whole country to the ground was hard, specially when Phillip aided you with a bunch of shadows seeking to trap general Shepard and luckily press charges of his traitorous intentions when he forced the commander to order his men to betray you.

You had missed Graves for the whole mission and it was taking a toll on your senses making you clumsy and risky. You suffered many close-calls until Hassan attacked Gaz, Soap, Price and you along with some of your men and neutralizing the little group of shadows you had left working by your side, the Iranian had wounded the captain and you while poor Garrick did his best to pull all of you out of harm's way. Soap went after him and not so long after you all received Ghost's call that Hassan was dead.

Hurrah.

"Hurrah." You huffed out drinking your tequila in one gulp. The whole gang was tired to their bones and weakly cheered drinking their own glasses. But then out of nowhere a voice you all knew too well broke your comfortable silence.

"He-hey!! Look at the gang enjoying a celebratory drink after a job well-done!"

None of you said a word, too exhausted to even look at the approaching commander who cheerfully perched himself near your stool.

"I'll let ya have this round under ma' count and forgive ya for not inviting me this once but only because I'm in a pretty good mood."

The captain sighed. "Shepard?"

"Laswell's dealing with the preparations. Soon enough that ol' bastard won't bug us no more."

That seemed to take a huge weight on all your shoulders, your team's faces changed in an instant, they seemed much more relaxed than before.

"Now there's only one thing to deal with." You heard Graves whisper behind your ear.

"The day you get more annoying I'll shove my knives so far up your ass you'll be shittin' blades for weeks." Maybe it sounded more rude than you intended but right now you couldn't indulge him on his charming shit.

"My good you are sweet. Mind if I call ya sugar pop? Or perhaps pumpkin is more fittin', what do ya think, love?"

"You can call me whatever you want but do not call me later for dinner."

"Even if that implies my infamous Texan-style ribs? I'll even serve em' with sweet potatoes. Have y' ever had sweet 'tatoes, pumpkin?"

Your brows could have very well reached your hairline, eyes wide in surprise, you pursed your lips and tilted your head slightly at the idea of trying such dish. After what happened with Hassan, the plan of eating a whole pig with the commander sounded too good to refuse.

"Are they just like normal potatoes but sweet?"

"I'll take that as a yes!" Graves laughs soundly pointing a finger to your very expressive face.

You groan rubbing one eye with your open palm. "Fine, fine. But only for dinner. Don't get too excited."

"Sure, love. One meal and I'll drive ya home like a gentleman."

"Youuuuu got it."

______

One fucking hour later at Graves' provisional apartment. He had pinned you under him on his comfy couch as the TV lowly played a mix of soothing music from YouTube that Graves had prepared for the occasion.

"Fuck you taste so sweet..."

"Maybe's cuz you didn't let me wash my mouth after the whole-ass dinosaur of a pig we has just eaten."

"The bbq sauce and the sweet potatoes are one thing, your tongue is just fucking addictive. Worse than nicotine I might add..." He sensually said before nipping your chin gently eager to attack your lips once again.

The way Graves kisses your mouth as if he was a man starved steals your breath away, his hot muscle swipes every corner of your mouth turning sloppy and if it wasn't because of how hot this man was and how amazing he has been treating you for this whole night, you'd say gross. And yet you look up at him, how his blue irises twinkle with desire, his reddened lips shine with all the saliva he was able to steal from you, and you feel so content. Like this was meant to be.

You broke the kiss panting, both hands pushing his chest back slightly to catch your breath from how sticky he has gotten ever since the first small peck.

"Fucking hell, Lip... You kiss like a middle schooler."

"Keep that up. You have no idea how hard you make me with your insults, woman..."

"Lil' bit of a masochist ain't ya?"

"Only for you, pumpkin..."

Yes, you do have good taste in men.

_______

"When your ma and I first met she was obsessed with me."

"Obsessed!? I was after another totally different guy!"

Your son laughed baffled at this new information shaking his head in disbelief making his dirty blonde hair sparkle under the rays of sunlight from the nearby window. With ten years of age, little Dominic was asking for more and more stories about how you and your husband met, eager to brag in class about the cool adventures you two shared with him. It was tradition. Every third of January Graves and you would sit Dom at the couch to grace him with a new cool story of the old days and reminisce on how you two met before your mother in law would pick him up so you two could celebrate your wedding anniversary.

"Ma', you have a funny taste in men."

This pearl from your son made Phillip spit out his lemonade staining your brand new carpet, you bursted out laughing from your spot of the couch, your legs spread to the side where your husband previously massaged your feet with one hand and supported his glass with the other. Said glass was carefully placed on the table as he cursed lowly at the freshly stained carpet.

"Oh you have no idea, little one..."

[silverhalla]

brosca is the only one who will ever see Duncan as a savior, at the end of the war.

you’re a human noble. you’re a proud, happy member of house cousland. when howe betrays your family and you’re there, terrified, in the cellar with the shattered remains of your dying family, it’s you and your mother against the world. your mother: the pain-in-the-ass, hardheaded, spitfire of a woman that sassed you yesterday about manners is beside you, her eyes haggard and haunted. “He’s my husband,” she says, begging, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “He’s your father, and he’s dying, and I love him. Whatever he faces next, he faces it with me.”

She cannot be argued with. She cannot be reasoned with. You can beg and beg and beg your mama to come with you, to survive beside you, but the outcome will always be the same. Duncan will ask you to leave, and she will choose to stay. How can you live with that?

(It’s poetic justice, perhaps, how quickly you come to understand it.)

—-

You are a dwarven princess, beloved of the house aeducan, noble of caste and certain of birthright, when your brother betrays you.

Not the brother you expected to betray you, of course. Your bosom friend, your sovereign sibling. The one who would’ve had your back eternally, if the wide expanse of the throne hadn’t stood in the way. If only love could’ve bridged the chasm. the warden bridges what Trian could not, what Bhelen would not - a last-minute pardon, excusing you from a game you never knew you were playing.

(you had a birthright, certainly, and it was taken from you. all else you cling to is stolen valor now.

checkmate.)

—-

You are the young bride tabris, and your husband stands there bleeding.

Your cousin has already been stolen away, and it hurts, how innocent she was, when so much of you had been stolen away. You would’ve stood in her place a thousand times, and all the evil, lecherous, unspeakably human hands in the world wouldn’t have stopped you, if it meant shielding Shianni. Your husband, bright-eyed and already dying, even if he knows it not, comes to save you. He does not know you, but he saves you from horrors that you have braced against a thousand times before, before he knew you, even if it does not matter. he is noble, in that way.

Duncan is noble too. He offers you a way out - a way out from your family, from your friends, from the only world you have ever - could ever - know. he offers you a chance to die on the battlefield instead of dying in the cellar, before you would ever know this suffering, the suffering laid on you at birth, by mere sin of being elven.

(To die without knowing. Isn’t that worse?)

—-

You are mahariel, free to the wind, to the rain, to the very corruption of nature.

shemlen in the forest was an ill enough omen. to come with grave warnings of burial grounds and curses and demons? you should have fixed your young dalish curses on them, da’len, on what they wrought, and you should’ve turned and fled

you did not, and, by your side, he did not. in another world, you would have lived by his side. in this one, you watch him die again and again.

(it is in your nature, after all, the watching over of dying things.)

—-

You are a mage, human or elven, and it makes little difference.

the maker hates you regardless, or so the templars say. You are good, perhaps, and you turn them in, or else you are kind. It matters little to Andraste, if she’s the one listening, or to anyone else.

Duncan speaks. He offers you refuge, outside of the Circle, far from home. You’ve never seen sunlight unobstructed before, let alone war. You have to choose - Tranquility, or a noble death, somewhere down the road.

(it isn’t a choice, not really. it was made for you before you were even born.)

—-

but you, grey warden, you are something special.

He offers you a worthy death, somewhere in that nebulous future, and you don’t have to worry about how it comes anymore. You know where death will take you - on the doorstep of one darkspawn or another, not here, gasping, in the dirt.

Your sister says this life is worth it.

And it is, isn’t it, for yourself, for your family, for the few lonely friends that you leave behind? for finally, desperately, clawing your w ay out of poverty, even when it costs you everything? for rica to be safe?

(It will be worth it.

It must be worth it.)

[the-ellia-west]

INTRO POST!!1!!!!!1!

Hello! I'm Ellia! Welcome to my weird-ass writeblr blog! Here's some things to know about me:

I am an Aspiring author and Devoted Christian Woman. I live in the USA (CDT time zone) I am a minor, and the only other language I know is some very spotty spanish.

I mainly write Fantasy, and I'm working on four main projects (Listed Below)!

I like: Jesus, Bright Colors, People, Writing, Reading, Cats, Music, Warm Weather, Rain, Flowers, Dresses, and my Moots!

I Dislike: The texture of wool, Heavy Lifting, Baked Beans, Sin, Satan, Demons, and the Time Travel Trope

Hey! Pst! Before you continue! I have a side blog! Check out @jakkon-and-rose-topic if you want to read some stuff!

Tags:

Ellia Writes - Any talking or sharing of any aspect of any of my WIPs

Ellia's Construction Company - How I make stuff, tutorials, ect.

Ghost Party - Chatting and geeking out with my friends/Moots

Ellia answers - Answering questions

Ellia's Rambling - Me talking about stuff (a little too much)

Ellia's Haunted house - Any posts that I could slot into my story and character/world building. And my pile of creations (Including shitposts)

Ellia's mind palace - Stuff I'm adding to my mental Library :]

Ghost gardens - Aesthetic Pictures and stuff

Ghost scribbles - Art/Drawing Practice

My Wips:

TCOT - (The Cursed One's Throne) - TCOT is a low fantasy Novel Series I have been working on for 5 years, and I hope to publish in the next year, and the Main Wip I will work on and talk about on this blog (Tags: #elliatcot, #ellia tcot, #ellia's tcot, #the cursed one's throne)

J&R - (Placeholder Title) - High fantasy Adventure with Sass, spunk, and a heck of a lot of conflict (To be turned into a comic one day)

StF - (Steel and Feathers) - StF is a High Fantasy project about a Chosen one And stuff (Tags: #stf, #elliastf, #ellia'sstf, #ellia stf, #ellia stf)

Fallen - (That's the title) - A High Fantasy Romance between a Runaway Noble and a Disgraced (probably Criminal) (Tags: #elliafallen, #ellia'sfallen, #ellia fallen, #ellia's fallen, #rustpearl)

StF Short story Masterpost!

Alkain - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Raavas - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 3.5

Old Pinned post Copy-paste below (followed by my moots)

------------------------------------ Hey there! Hi! You! Tumblr user!

Are you a fan of epic fantasy? Want a story with romance, action, and sassy heroes and villains? How about some good old-fashioned ANGST?

If so, you're in luck! Get ready for the upcoming release of The Cursed One's Throne (TCOT for short), coming... well, eventually!

A story of trauma, war, recovery, trust, and love intertwined with curses, magic, sacrifice, and a few too little hours of sleep. Who needs a release date when you've got me, the very entertaining author, right?

------------------------------------

Wtf is TCOT?

TCOT sneak Peek

Worldbuilding

Music

TCOT Ships

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If you made it all the way to the end, have a wonderful day, don't forget to drink water, have a little snack, sleep, take a walk, and Don't forget that I love you :] <3333

[weebsinstash]

Was thinking of something you said about Luci. Like him crying when he sees you coming you back to the hotel all marked up. Even better idea, him regularly spying on you using the orbs/balls from episode 6. Probably started as a way to learn more about you and make sure you're safe but quickly became something else....

Like you say him seeing you after? How about him watching you get fucked crying his eyes out and touching himself?

Like he's so upset it's not him, but he can't NOT watch and listen! He needs to see what you like so he can be perfect for you, and make sure you're safe. So what if he touches himself? How can he not when it's you he's watching and hearing? Even if it's with some sinner scum.

I misread Luci as Lucci and I was like "HOW DO Y O U KNOW I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ROB LUCCI, I HAVEN'T EVEN POSTED ABOUT MY CP0 READER X LUCCI ESPIONAGE IDEA YET--"

I was thinking about Lucifer, you know, how we tend to think of him as Charlie's dad and just "the Devil" but I think we can kind of forget, he's also the Cardinal Sin of Pride, and I keep brainstorming on how he's probably INSANELY JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE AND WOULD BE TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU ALL THE TIME

Can you even imagine like. He's peeping on you getting railed by someone twice your size and that person can absolutely scoop you up and throw you around with how big they are and here's Lucifer uncomfortably reminded of how short he is. bonus points if before this you and him had an argument and you shit all over his height just to piss him off and now he's seeing you fuck some huge dude. Give him that emotional damage with the backstab buff

The thing with Lucifer is that, he's short, yeah, but like. He's also ungodly strong. I'm too lazy to link the post but people have pointed out that he literally was not even remotely phased when Adam was throwing him against a building and trying to hurt him, like actual frames of Lucifer just kinda sitting there o.o, totally unbothered. And this could go one of two ways! You could get protected and rescued by him and, he scoops you up into his arms and that makes YOU feel small (in a sexy way)

OR

you kinda like, not infantilize him per se, but you figure, since he's "this little goober" that he would never like, ACTUALLY do anything scary, but. Honey he's a grown man who wants you as a serious partner and he's extremely prideful and attached to you and you're, constantly picking other people over him 💀💀💀 you're irritating him on purpose, you're giving him sass, you're FUCKING OTHER DUDES and I can see him totally snapping, "you think I'm not serious about you?! I'll show you!!" and just, yoinks you up, snatches you away, you're magically appearing either AT THE ALTAR WITH HIM LIKE, WEDDING WITH AN ENTIRE AUDIENCE, or straight into his bed where he proceeds to show you exactly why he deserves to be your king

(Tbh I've grown a sudden uh, taste for "yandere character suddenly reveals they're gonna marry you" and I mean with a whole ass engagement ring and WEDDING especially for Lucifer and Alastor recently 😩 WAIT LUCILILI POLY WEDDING-)

Still obsessed with "i bet she doesn't even see me as a man" Lucifer vs "he definitely doesn't even see me as a woman haha I'm gross :)" Reader where little Luci Goosey finds out you're just, straight up either hating yourself or have been rejected too many times to even find yourself desirable, and the second he realizes it's not even him that's 'the problem', he's taking matters into his own hands. Like something slips out of your mouth, "why would anyone want me, I'm, I'm dorky and stupid and gross and ugly" and Lucifer is just like, "OH!!! Aw honey you just have depression :) oh golly we have so much in common--"

I also just. Really like the idea that he's basically got full control over Hell and can get in your head and know what you're thinking and feeling if he REALLY wants to. Got another ask in my drafts I'm about to get to that delves more into the idea of him and Lilith HELLA abusing their dream controlling/pocket dimension powers in a definitely not "you didn't know you had a secret second life in your dreams that was 100% real" kinda way...

[eternal-kosmo-ghoul]

AS MY TREAT I WANT THE MOST SILLY, GOOFY AAA HCS OF THE PAPA'S.

Like idk Copia used to have to wear earplugs because Terzo snores so loudly it's literally obnoxious or something like that.

“aww my middle finger likes you”

❤︎ synopsis — this is pure bullshittery and crack in its finest form with the papas. they can be a little crazy at times

pairing: all papa emeritus’ x gn!reader (can be platonic or romantic)

theme: crack ✦ , fluff ✿ (if you squint)

a/n: this is a toast to my bestie for being an absolute chad. i was high making these, enjoy.

cw: terzo is a warning enough on his own. that’s it.

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➵ papa primo

he’s the oldest so he constantly has to deal with the shit from his psychopathic brothers

like— primo is basically THE mom friend, except he’s the mom for moe, larry and curly over here

(moe, larry and curly being secondo, terzo and copia)

he constantly had to hold back secondo from beating the shit out of terzo because terzo made fun of him for being bald

“I’M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR WEAVE—“ “SECONDO NO—“

bro unironically listens to weezer

like full out busting down a just dance move to this music

you once caught him dancing to it, and he stood there frozen like the man emoji

he told you to never speak of it again and you just nodded, trying to plague your mind of that horrendous image

primo cannot cook for shit too btw

you were once out and asked him to make something before you got home to the ministry

the minute you walked in the door, the kitchen stove was on fire and all of primo’s ghouls were running around and screaming in infernal about the fire

meanwhile, primo stood there not knowing what to do, looking like the man emoji AGAIN

it’s basically his trademark at this point

“…. primo what the absolute fuck—“ “it wasn’t me i swear.”

while primo’s ghouls were still learning english, he once said “fuck you” to you in a very sarcastic way

but the ghouls thought it was how humans said “hello” in english

so they went around to the other siblings of sin, and sister imperator saying “fuck you” to them while leaving all those poor people offended and dumbfounded

you smacked the back of his head after that and forced him to apologize to his ghouls and to the siblings of sin (plus imperator of course)

and he gave the ghouls extra scritches too

primo also has the dad sneeze

like he can send another universe to the next tomorrow with his goofy ass sneeze

he once sneezed so loud he scared copia and caused him to bang his head on the wall

it was kinda funny tbh

anyways yeah note to self stay 10000 feet away from primo if he’s on the verge of sneezing

it’ll save your life

┅✦┅

➵ papa secondo

secondo has two moods

“oh my satan you’re all so stupid i literally hate you all” and “tee hee i’m a girly girl”

like ??? what’s this guy on???

this guy has the sass of a high school history teacher

like secondo’s being so deadass about whatever he’s saying but he’s always fucking saying it like—

“c’mon now, you literally have the style of a hairless roach 💅”

it confuses you a lot of the time, really

secondo has his moments where he’s sweet, but for the most part he’s pulling up the middle finger to everyone he sees

it’s a habit

someone could say hi to him in the nicest way possible and he’ll just grumble and flip them off

it’s not even that he’s trying to be mean, it’s a habit (a very bad habit)

you once got tired of it and smacked his hand, when he flipped you off. so it’s safe to say he no longer does it

at least to you

secondo is an absolute menace to his brothers

with primo he’s chill because he’s the eldest, but with the younger two he’s got no chill

definitely made copia cry at some point during his younger years

he later got his ass chewed out by you and primo, because no one makes copia cry

secondo’s literally so bossy it’s kinda funny

he’s always one flip flop away from smacking someone every time someone pisses him off

him and terzo are BEEFING all the time

and it’s over the stupidest shit too

“you’re stupid.” “well, you’re face is stupid” “you’re both stupid, end of the discussion.”

you once switched out all of his skull face paint for a pink barbie pallet

so secondo was walking around lookin’ like hello kitty emeritus and everyone was trying so hard not to laugh

even his ghouls were struggling too

“… secondo—“ “not. another. word.”

┅✦┅

➵ papa terzo

bro’s the fuckin’ definition of fruity

you thought secondo was girly pop?? wait ‘till you see terzo, he’s fucking extravagant

will literally show up in the grocery store lookin’ like a character ripped straight from criminal minds

like— he has to make a show EVERYWHERE he goes. he likes to stand out

terzo is also the type of man to wear skirts and dresses because he knows he’s hot shit and he devours every fit he puts together

he shows off that waist frfr

“… terzo what the fuck—“ “shut up you know i’m sexy and i’m going to show it.”

if you wear skirts or dresses he’ll definitely ask to borrow them

he definitely passed down his fruitiness to copia

and to his ghouls

he scams kids on adopt me and has a good laugh every time because he likes to see people get mad at him since he stole their hella expensive pet from them

primo told him to quit it because what kind of satanic pope scams poor little children on a roblox game?

as stylish as terzo is, he cannot do his hair and makeup to save his life

he’ll usually ask you to do it for him wherever he has to perform or do public events, which is why his face paint is simple compared to secondo and primo

it gives you two bonding time though and it’s cute

he once watched the pinkie pie smile hd video and was traumatized for a few days

like he straight up locked himself in his room and would not come out unless you convinced him to do so

during an after party after a concert ritual, he got so wasted and almost kissed omega

like you had to PRY this man off of the poor ghoul, while omega stood there unaffected (hehe tall buff demon boy)

terzo is the shortest emeritus and none of his brothers will let him live it down

ESPECIALLY copia, since he’s younger than him

terzo almost kicked him in the nuts because of that

but that definitely was a stab to his already massive ego

you reassured him that there’s nothing wrong with his height even though you found some of the jokes his brothers made funny

live laugh love terzo

┅✦┅

➵ papa copia

copia doesn’t know what he’s doing half of the time

like he’s just given a mic and he just wings a performance while the ghouls on stage are fucking around and going absolutely feral

out of all the papas, copia legitimately treats his ghouls like his own kids

he feels like he’s getting more grey hairs every time he has to stop swiss from fucking his own guitar, or sodo and phantom from fighting about cheese sticks

you sometimes help copia do ghoul-sitting and it’s just chaos. you’re literally their second parent

copia and you = parent duo for the era iv ghouls

he unironically owns a lot of funko pops

and he keeps the one of himself on a special pedestal in a glass case for safe keeping

though secondo almost once knocked over the case and he was three seconds away from smiting a bitch

you once were looking for copia because you wanted to ask him something and you found him in a ritual room

except the ritual was that he surrounded himself with a bunch of rat plushies and he was on his knees in front of a picture of a rat with a tiny crown

you were so confused, and he refuses to acknowledge what that was

“…. copia i—“ “you didn’t see anything.”

he fucking washes himself with dish soap and laundry detergent

this man is going around smelling like dawn dish soap and it’s so weird

it’s not that it even smells bad??? it just smells so interesting and strong you swear you’re in a fever dream

copia is an avid mitski fan

definitely cried his eyes out like a little bitch when he first listened to “the land is inhospitable and so are we” because he couldn’t get over how sad “my love mine all mine was”

radiates theater kid energy

but like— the kind of theater kid that is just passionate about theater and is very giddy when people ask about it

when he started his first meeting as papa he got so nervous that he straight up started the meeting with the word “mushroom”

like it’s so random ??? but it made the ghouls and you giggle so it somewhat worked out ??

copia is a little silly

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[mingigoo]

Midnight Kisses || j.wy || (m.) || Part Four

Part Four ⇢ midnight love

🍓 pairing ⇢ best friend! Wooyoung x single parent! (fem) reader x new flame! San

↳ the feelings you have for Wooyoung begin to get out of hand, and you cave into him for one more time--but when midnight and memories come around, you get lost in the stars in his eyes and the lost memory of his lips.

🍓genre ⇢ single parent au, bakery au, best friends to lovers, smut, fluff, slight angst

🍓 chapter warnings ⇢ no major warnings, vulgar language

🍓series warnings/tags ⇢this story is 18+, minors dni, talk of death (I’m sorry seonghwa ) relationship trauma, parenting, unrequited love but not at the same time, pining, single parent, loss, learning to love again, wooyoung is a total sass queen, wooyoung as a babysitter/wannabe father, San is a gentleman, oral sex (female recieving), fingering, sex toys, wooyoung watches y/n play with herself, kissing, hair pulling

🍓word count ⇢ 4.7k

🍓total series word count ⇢ 22.2k

🍓 taglist ⇢ @atinywhore @ch0isa99ie @jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @spiderrenjunfics @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @leeknowsnothing @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii (if I missed you please lmk!!)

Midnight kisses masterlist

The only other time you found yourself picturing Wooyoung in a different light was all the way back in your high school days. 

A time your current self does not remember.

It was at a party. You were loaded off your teenage-drunk ass, lost in the idea of someone you wished to be. Wooyoung was the party animal, and since he was your only friend, you found yourself tagging along to the chaos. 

He handed you another soju bottle, knowing you weren't going to remember the morning. His clammy hand brushed against yours, and you looked up to meet his intoxicated gaze.

“Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?” He hummed as you screwed the top off, tossing back the liquor like your young life depended on it. “Like, you’re so pretty.”

“All the time wooyoung,” you giggled drunkenly, wiping your lips after the alcohol stained them. “Why? Do you have a secret crush on me or something?”

He blinked at you, his smile faltering. “Yeah, actually.” 

You rolled your eyes, the distance between you now feeling so small. He was looking down at you with all the love, or lust, in his eyes, his hands begging to reach out and touch you. His breaths were shaky as you ruffled his hair. You couldn't lie, he looked even more delicious than the alcohol in your hand.

“I’m serious,” he gulped, his dark hair draping over his eyes. You looked at his lips as he spoke. “I'd do you right now. On the floor, on the table, wherever.”

You were too drunk for his words to hit you right. All you did was raise your eyebrows, taking his desperation as a compliment. 

“Do me?” you took a step closer to him, seeing his youthful cheeks brighten from the alcohol and the blush. “Fuck me?”

“Yeah…” he stared down at you, his expression unreadable. 

You smirked, too drunk for your own good. “Everyone thinks we’re dating anyway…it wouldn't be weird if I kissed you, right here, right now, hm?” you blinked up at him, his eyes now slanted in a way you've never seen them. You reached out, gliding your hand down his bare arm, feeling his goosebumps underneath the pads of your fingers.

He shivered. You felt your heart pound harder than it ever has before.

Your hands moved up to the collar of his t-shirt, gripping at the seams. He just stood there, and you thought to yourself, that at that moment, he was willing to do anything for you. 

“Would that be okay? If I just…” you leaned up, inches away from his lips. You watched his eyes lower to yours, and how his lips parted as he struggled to breathe. “If I…do this?”

You spared no second to softly press your lips to his, feeling the softness of them through your intoxicated body. You felt his hot breath tickle your face as you pulled back, your body craving his in every way, shape, form. It must've been the alcohol, given you still have no recollection of this night and this touch and his taste.

“Careful, cupcake,” he breathed, his hands finding a home on your hips. He paused before he spoke again, his eyes locked on you.

“Do that again and we won't be friends anymore.”

And with that, you leaned in again to kiss him.

—

San was watching you, his brown eyes solemn as he picked apart your expression.

You were putting icing on your cupcakes, staring at them with such furiousness that it concerned your lover.

He tapped on the counter to get your attention. “Hey,” he mumbled, forcing a smile on his face. “You all right?”

You bit your bottom lip as you finished the icing swirl, pulling back but still looking down at the cupcake. You couldn't even look up to meet his gaze, not after what you did with Wooyoung yesterday.

“Mhm,” you murmured, looking up quickly so he didn't think you were disregarding his presence. “Sorry, just focused.”

He nodded, feeling bad for interrupting your work. He sat with his legs spread on the chair, his face propped up on his hand. He didn't say anything else, just silently watched you with contentment.

You furrowed your brows as you looked down at your hands—the same hands that you imagined were Woo’s. It has been a constant issue for the last twenty-four hours, your thoughts of him. They ranged from thinking of him making love to you, to how well he takes care of Nabi. from the look he gave you, eyes destroying your body like he was hell on earth.the way his tongue felt, his caress, his attention, his—

The door chimed, inviting in the person you were dreading to see.

“Hello, bitches,” Wooyoung smirked, waltzing in like nothing happened the day before, holding tightly onto a soda bottle. He looked at you, his eyes speaking a thousand words, curling his lips despite the fact San was there, his eyes only on you.

Leave it to wooyoung to not make things awkward. It was probably just another day for him, where it was a pivoting moment for your entire future.

The cafe was empty, as it was an awkward time between lunch and dinner. Nabi was going to be done with preschool soon, so you were going to close up early. San was here to accompany you, but now, it made you wonder if it would mess things up for Nabi, as her classmates think Wooyoung was her dad.

“Hi, woo.” His smile didn't leave at your response, but the minute you looked up to him, you saw how he leaned against the counter, his long fingers spreading across the granite. 

You swallowed hard as he tapped his fingertips against the counter, something San just did but Wooyoung made it sexual. You shivered at the thought of his fingers inside you, a black hole filling your stomach as Wooyoung noticed your line of vision.

He bit his lip.

“Hi, wooyoung,” San said sweetly. He knew something was up, just by looking at your pained expression and Wooyoung’s body language.

You tore your gaze away from your infatuation, setting down the piping bag to grab to go boxes. Any opportunity to distract yourself.

“How've you been?” he asked your lover, or whatever he was. It had to end at this point, you couldn't stick with someone when you were thinking about another. It was awful, you were only with San for a short time.

Either you were going to end things with San, or you were going to ignore this craving for wooyoung. It should pass. It needs to pass.

Or maybe, just maybe, you needed to act on this thirst in order to be quenched.

You were tuned out of the conversation the minute you watched Wooyoung take a sip out of his soda bottle, watching him swallow. Watching his lips get soaked with wetness—the image of him on top of you, his lips coated in you, his teeth bared like an animal…..

This is bad.

“What time are we going to pick up Nabi?” San asked, completely oblivious to your thoughts. He held back his words as he saw your expression—a look of irritation, possibly.

“Actually, um….” you sighed, setting the freshly frosted cupcakes into the to-go box. You couldn't look up at him. “I think I should just go. There's rules about who picks the kids up, and I didn't get to write your name down…yet..” you let out a breath, hating yourself for lying to him. In all honesty, you just wanted to protect your daughter from embarrassment, as if you were seen with another man, the parents might talk, the kids might ask questions, and the teacher might see you differently.

Or….you're thinking way too much into this. Especially after Nabi calling you and Woo her parents.

It was because she thought Wooyoung was her dad. And hell, it was time to admit how well he treated her.

San shrugged, understanding your words. “All right. I understand.” you watched his eyes move to wooyoung, who was looking at you with an intense gaze. He looked at your lips, your chest, the way the apron clung to your hips. San frowned, but didn't say anything.

You watched Wooyoung’s expression change, unsure of what was going on in that brain of his. Clearly he was ready to toss you on the counter and eat you out like you were one of those cupcakes.

Just then, you imagined him pulling you over the counter, tearing your clothes, biting your lip so hard it bleeds. You saw him whimper, cry out, fall into lust like it was destiny.

And then you got shocked back to reality with Wooyoung’s voice.

“Hey, you look like you’re about to combust…” he snapped his fingers in front of your face, and  tilted his head at you, almost seductively, if that was even possible. 

You laughed it off, running a hand through your hair aggressively to distract your thoughts. San let out a slight noise of annoyance at Wooyoung’s antics, but still remained quiet, knowing it would cause drama to bring it to light.

“I’m good,” you hummed, your voice weak as your mind was scrambled. You reached behind you to untie the apron, feeling like an ancient artifact by the way both men were staring at you. “I do need to leave, though.”

You met eyes with San as you took the apron off. “Sorry, can I call you tomorrow?” you gave him a look you hoped he’d understand as apologetic. You rounded the corner of the counter, coming closer to him as you got ready to close up. “Can we go out for coffee in the morning?”

San’s frown turned into a smile after your request, knowing you still wanted to see him. Woo was oddly quiet as he observed your encounter, watching how you wouldnt meet his gaze.

“That sounds great,” San smiled. “Pick you up at nine?”

You nodded shyly, your heart pounding. “Mhm. Yeah, sounds good.”

San stood up out of his seat and his hands met your hips gently. You almost jumped out of your skin, but remained calm as he enveloped you in a hug. You looked over his shoulder, wide eyed, and noticed Wooyoung’s glare at San’s hand placement.

Fucking hell.

San pulled back, but only to give you a peck on the lips, fueling Wooyoung’s fiery gaze even more. “I’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat as San pulled away.

“See you.” you forced a smile.

As he left, San patted Woo’s shoulder with a killer smile. “Bye, Wooyoung.”

Woo forced a smile just like you, and didn't say anything as San walked out the door, the bells chiming as his presence ceased. 

You met eyes with Wooyoung, but you couldn't handle the embarrassing pressure and turned away, nearly sprinting across the store to turn the open sign to close.

Why the hell did you do that? For fuck’s sake y/n, why are you thinking about him this way? It can't happen, it never shouldn't have happened, why the fuck did you let him? Why did you like it—

“y/n.” he called from behind you, his tone heavy. 

You sighed, unable to turn around to see him. You acted like you were watching the pedestrians across the street—an effort to distract your sinful thoughts.

“The sky is pretty today, hm? No rain clouds.”

“y/n.” His tone was even heavier. 

“It’s a nice day, I might go on a walk—”

“Are you going to tell him about what we did?” he asked you, his voice quiet.

You turned around then, only to see his intense expression. “And what exactly did we do?” you crossed your arms over your chest, causing him to look at your breasts. “It’s not like we fucked or anything.”

Wooyoung scoffed, leaning up against the counter. “Are you kidding? If we didn't stop when we did, you know damn well where that would have led to—”

“But it didn't,” you huffed, waltzing past him to go behind the counter. “I realized my mistake.”

“What makes it a mistake, though?” he cried out, nearly fisting his hair in the process. He followed you behind the counter as you tried to clean up. “You wanted it to, don't you dare give me that bullshit, y/n. You were the one to initiate it, not me—”

You tossed your hands in the air, turning around abruptly, seeing his furious gaze and his flushed cheeks. “Fine! I was thinking about you, okay? In the shower, in my bed, I was thinking about you! So what? Does it have to mean something? Do we have to ruin our friendship like this?”

You stopped, realizing how close you and Wooyoung were. You were breathing heavily, his mouth was curled up in a sneer. His expression was pained, eyebrows knit and his mouth agape.

“Who…who said it would ruin our friendship?” he asked you, his features softening. “Why does it have to be that way?”

You tried to decode him, pull apart his appearance, but you were nearly in tears of being overwhelmed. 

“Because,” you sighed, keeping your eyes locked on his. “I can't lose you.”

Silence. All that was heard was your tangled breaths, filled with anger, adoration, confusion. He raised his eyebrows, once again at a loss for words.

He took a step closer. 

You stayed put.

“You won't lose me,” he whispered.

You held back your tears, the feeling of loss hitting you. Seonghwa was gone, you couldn't grasp the feeling of losing wooyoung too, in any way. If you ruined your friendship by dating him, if you ever broke up, you wouldn't be able to live without him.

You wanted him by your side. 

It was hard to be selfish. To want him the way you never imagined. To crave his touch, his attention. It all hit you like a wave, drowning you and keeping you under the surface. 

“I…” you breathed, watching his hand twitch to touch you. “I’m not so sure about that.”

And unlike normal, he didn't touch you.

“I don't know what to say,” he took in a breath, craving to get closer to you. The air was different—you knew it was going to be, and it scared you. He was only feeling like this because you confused him. He only wanted your body, your attention. 

And you? You didn't know what you wanted from him. You couldn't understand your own feelings.

“You're confused,” you told him, but it was more to yourself. “I am, too. I made a mistake, and I had one moment of weakness—”

“Then let's try something.” he pleaded, in need of any type of physical relationship with you. If he can't have you, well, no one can. At least he can try.

You were so close, you felt his breath hit your forehead. You watched every minute detail of his, to the way his hands were clenched, afraid that he would touch you if they weren't. From the way his hair was disheveled from running his hands through it, to the desperate twinkle in his eyes.

“L-like what?”

He stared into your soul, the look on his face uneasy. “...I, um.” he took in a huge breath, his hands shaky.

“Let’s sleep together,” he said. 

You gaped at him, but yet, you weren't surprised by his question. Maybe it was because deep down, you craved him even more than he craved you. You wanted him, in more ways than one, and it was apparent by the way his mere presence sent you into a spiral lately. Maybe you just needed that experience to get over this infatuation. 

Maybe this will go away.

You raised your eyebrows, but his gaze was still serious. You couldn't remember a time he was ever serious for this long. “You want to have sex with me? Like, a one time thing?”

He pondered for a moment, trying to understand your feelings. “Mhm.”

You took a step back, putting distance between you. He, of course, looked like he was ready to pounce on you like a playful cat awaiting your answer.

You looked at his lips. The minute you felt the urge to cross that distance you just made, you realized that this needed to be taken care of, or you’ll be in big trouble.

And as soon as you met his gaze, he knew your answer.

“Okay,” you nodded, an uneasy smile on your face. “Let’s do it.”

—

“Mommy, can we get ice cream?” Nabi mumbled from the backseat, her face lit up with a smile. 

You glanced over at Wooyoung, who, even after getting what he wanted, was distant with you. He hasn't looked over in your direction since you told him yes, but the minute Nabi spoke, he looked through the rearview mirror as he drove.

“Why not, right?” he nodded, swallowing hard and tightening his hands on the wheel. “Right, y/n?”

You perked up at his voice. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

The ride was silent. You stole a glance at him, his jaw tight and his eyes on the road. You let out a sigh, unsure about if you made the right decision.

After the ice cream trip—and a few long hours later— you found yourself on the couch, Nabi asleep in your arms and Wooyoung next to you.

In the background played one of Nabi’s favorite movies. Wooyoung sat with his legs pulled up to his chest, focused on the television.

“I’m gonna take her to bed,” you spoke, lifting your three-year-old up as you stood, Wooyoung's eyes following your every move.

Laughter went off in the background, helping the silence disappear. 

You left the room, your heart heavy and your mind on everything unimportant. As you set Nabi down gently, making sure she was snug and her night light was on.

You smiled at your sleeping daughter, thinking about her own future. You hoped she’d have better luck in her own life.

Almost like you were on autopilot, you weren't sure when you sat back down on the couch, or when you scooched closer to the man that you called a best friend. It was quiet for a while, time moved so fast it felt like you blinked and suddenly it was midnight.

This was too much.

“Are we still…are we still doing this?” you asked him quietly, nearly in a whisper. You watched him look over to you, his eyes filled with emotion. “I mean, just so I know, so I can deal with San—”

“Yes,” he nodded, his attention on the movie. “Yeah, we are.”

“Okay,” you looked down at your fingers, picking at the chipped nail polish. “Good.”

You sat anxiously, not happy with how he was acting. 

He turned towards you then, his mouth parting to speak and his eyes hopeful. “Can we do it now?”

“Right now?” His frantic eyes made you chuckle, finally feeling relief. “Man, you don't waste a single second.”

He looked like a puppy begging for a treat. You let out another giggle, patting him on his thigh.

“I’ve been dying to touch you.” he shrugged casually, almost back to his usual self.

You let out a shaky breath, your hand still on his thigh. You looked down at it, gliding your fingers softly against the fabric of his pants. “Uh, well, Nabi might hear us. Let’s wait—”

“Cock block,” he groaned and stood up to make his way into the kitchen. After a second of regaining your strength, you followed him with uncertainty.

“Listen, I’m just saying it isn't smart and I don't want her…hearing anything.” You leaned against the granite of the kitchen island, watching his back as he rooted through your fridge.

“Yeah, that’s why you waited to fuck yourself while she was at pre-school, huh?” his tone was playful; entranced. “I am so glad I forgot my card, god.” He spoke with a chuckle, turning back around with a grin on his face and a beer in his hand.

It was nice to see him slightly back to normal. Maybe, just this once, you can keep your friendship even after doing what friends aren't supposed to do.

“It's only going to be one more time,” you voiced, telling yourself more than him. He nodded, even though you saw a flicker of worry under his expression. “I can't have our friendship break. We’ve never…we never did any of this before. And I know you’ve had casual sex….but I…I only really know relationships.”

He stared at you, picking apart your feelings with a single look. He relaxed against the fridge, leaning up on one of Nabi’s drawings—it was of him.

“....do you remember the summer of your senior year?” he took a sip of the bitter beer that sat in the back of your fridge, only drunken by him. You weren't even sure why you kept buying it, as if you subconsciously got it just for him. “The party downtown? By the seven-eleven?”

You pondered, but yet, nothing came to mind. You've been to a lot of parties, so you must've blacked out that night.

“No, I don't,” you admitted, furrowing your brows as you saw his expression change from playful to stoic. “Why? That's out of the blue. We went to lots of parties.”

“I know, I know,” he sighed, setting the can down on the counter next to the fridge. “But you were saying how we never, you know, did this before.” 

“Are you implying that we did?” you asked sharply, your chest tightening with the thought of not remembering something. “That summer? No way. We would never—”

“Y/N,” he hummed, his hands at his sides, not sure what to do with them. “I..we, I.. never mind. It’s not important.” he huffed, moving quickly, leaving his can behind to move back into the living room. You caught him before he could escape, standing in front of him in the middle of the dining room. 

“No, you can't just say something like that and not explain,” you murmured, your tone deep and your eyes fighting to meet his. 

He wouldn't look at you.

“Wooyoung.” you whispered, reaching out to grab his arm when he tried to move around you. “Tell me what you were going to say.”

He threw his head back, letting air out of his nose. “Will you believe me?”

You took a second, but after he finally met your eyes, those chest aches hurt even more.

You nodded slowly. 

He paused. “I don't really remember what led up to it but…we kissed. And I…I might not fully know what happened, but I do remember how I felt. And what you said to me, and when I wanted to say something back then you acted as if nothing happened so I just….shut my mouth.” 

He never looked so vulnerable before.

“What…” You let go of his arm. “What did I say to you?”

He blinked slowly. “I told you the details aren't important—”

“No, but they are.” you took a step closer to him. 

Everyone thinks we’re dating anyway…it wouldn't be weird if I kissed you…

He didn't speak as you neared him. No, instead he watched the sparkle in your eyes, afraid that if he kept talking, everything he had built to keep you next to him would crumble in seconds.

“What you said wasn't the kicker.” he breathed. “It was what I said, and what you did.”

You blinked. “So…I was the one that did it? That initiated it?” God, now you weren't even thinking about the possibility of it being completely fabricated—you were so captivated by him that you began to confuse all your thoughts you ever had about him.

“To be fair,” he sniffed, lowering his voice just a little bit, worried to wake up Nabi. “I know I probably said something ridiculous beforehand.” 

That was probably true.

You tried to think back in time, fluttering through your memories like a photo album. All you saw was an array of different party scenes, some flirtatious touching here and there, but never….never a kiss. Or more, for that matter.

“I don't remember….” you trailed off in a whisper, unsure about how you were feeling from all of this. Your heartbeat quickened as the moment dragged on, your confusion evident in your features. Wooyoung stood, equally as confused, as if he didn't know what to say—or do.

“I wouldn't lie about this, cupcake.”

Oh. there it was. The pet name. Out of the mouth of the man you apparently kissed all those years ago, before seonghwa, before nabi. Back when it was just you and your platonic love for Wooyoung. After this, though, you wondered if it wasn't truly nonphysical—did you just shove all those feelings in the back of your mind in fears of abandonment? Loss? For fucks sake, you couldn't lose another person. If you lost him, that would be the day you would lose yourself.

And then all of a sudden, the background noise of the television and the slight humming of the refrigerator diminished. The colors around you from the overhead light danced against his smooth, honey skin, like falling stars about to crash onto the earth. His eyes looked like they held the universe within them, ever so delicately keeping the world safe and sound from their beauty. You heard your heartbeat in your head, the echo of his breathing, the smell of the beer off his parted lips.

And then you caved. No more fear of loss, you needed him to always look at you like this. If this ruins everything, it would be worth it.

“Help me remember….” you mumbled, one more step closer.

He breathed in a shaky breath. “Remember what?”

You reached your hand out as if it was moving on its own accord. Your fingertips met his chest, gliding down the smooth plane of muscle. You were unsure of what you were doing, having no clue what was next, but this moment was different than the past. This time, you were sober. You were sound.

You knew what you were doing.

And you knew what you wanted.

“Help me….remember what you tasted like.”

His gaze was on you, his eyes softening with every flutter of an eyelash. You watched his throat bob anxiously, how his hands shook as they slowly found their home on your hips. The minute his cold hands touched you, you knew this was the end of everything and everything. This was no party by the seven-eleven or a drunken kiss for the hell of it. This wasn't a mistake or a one-time thing. This was fate if you would've believed in it.

His hands snaked up your sides like a brush against a canvas, gracefully covering you with his existence. They discovered your shoulders, then your collarbone, and then your neck, until they gently rested on your cheeks, holding you to his intense gaze of a million words without speaking. 

And with one curt nod, his lips met yours, delicately; precisely. You fell into a darkness like no other as you tasted that awful beer on his lips, and just by the mere fact it was on him, you decided that you liked the taste of it. It was bitter and smooth at the same time, reminding you of him, and the memory of his kiss all those years ago.

“Do that again and we won't be friends anymore.”

His words resonated in your mind as the kiss deepened. Your heart swelled with a feeling you haven't felt in ages, almost like it was sinful. The ring you kept as a necklace danced against the skin of your nape as his fingers traced your body, and then suddenly, everything in the room began to spin. His breath was warm, his kiss was electric—you were destined, lined up like the stars in the sky.

You wanted more midnight kisses with him, more midnights with him, forever and always.

He was your midnight love.

[ynculture]

CHANGE

pairings: nakahara chuuya x afab reader

summary: I welcome you to my brain rots. I hope you’ll enjoy. When the bratty doll, disobeys, she gets karma. Chuuya comes to her rescue.

tags: I don’t know how to tag, Not beta, I blow like Oda’s orphans, Afab reader, I’ve never had sex, Fem pet names (Doll), Fingering (momentarily), SH sorry, thigh riding, creampies. P to V fucking, Idk what else omg, EXHIBITIONISM!!!

notes: please don’t do this, practice safe sex (never had sex). 18+,  minor DNI!

wc: 1.7k

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Chuuya raised a brow as his eyes narrowed, scanning your frame. Glaring at the way you dress, your stature and all. Gazing and roaming his eyes on your physique, wearing a red collar tube dress that hugs your curves, greatly fitted on your body. Too much of your skin is exposed, it’s making him pissed.

It’s been some time since you got a day off from tons of missions demanded by the organization. So you decided to have a girls night out, clubbing with some other friends from the mafia. Chuuya is still busy with his paper works and reports that he won’t even bother join, not that he plans to crash the girls party.

“Huh? Why? Does it look bad?” You wondered, looking at your own self.

“No.” He exhaled sharply as his eyes darkened. “Come here, pretty doll.”

Confused and curious you comply to his request and walked closer to him. Standing in front of Chuuya when he suddenly bent you over the couch.

“W-what—” Your words hang on your lips as his gloved fingers traced the outline of your femininity through the thin fabric of your panties.

“It’s too short. A little movement and the skirt already hike up your thighs. Some bending over and your panties are already exposed.  Perverted assholes would surely oggle at you at the club.” He pointed in a stern tone, irritation hinted all over his voice. Yet he’s groping at your ass, caressing lightly before gripping on each side of your hips, as he slightly thrust his pelvis from behind making you feel his bulge. Letting go of you as you fell on the couch.

“Go get changed.” He ordered with full of authority, drawing a sour expression on your face. Chuuya likes it when you dress up, and he never had problems with your kind of clothing, but your dress tonight is just… sinful.

You look rather ravishing that he might just not let you out, have you all for himself. Alone.

You held your eyes on him, unfazed as you look at him with blank gaze. Annoyed at his demand.

“Thanks for your concern. I’ll just be mindful.” The tip of your heels clink as you walk out. Shock was evident on his face at your disobedience. His head still processing your bratty act that he wasn’t able to react immediately. The door already closed behind you as you walk towards the elevator, going down the building. Excitedly made your way for the club.

It was a Saturday night. The club full of party goers, ready to get wasted for the night. Having fun at the jam pack dance floor, people dancing to the rhythm of the loud music under the neon lights.

———

You were just having your fun when a shiver creep up your spine when you felt a breathy sultry whisper by your ears. Too close enough to hear from the loudness of the night. Too close enough to invade your personal space. Making you all uncomfortable.

“What’s your name, gorgeous?” The stranger purred in your ear. His hand caressing at the roundness of your butt cheeks, lightly brushing his fingers by your inner thighs from behind. Groping at the plumpness.

Turning your back to face the man; his lips curved into a smug smirk, licking his lower lips, trying to look tempting— he was the same one who had been eyeing you ever since you set foot at the club earlier. Tall and handsome with his boyish charms, but simply not your taste. Not that he is even more interesting than Chuuya. (No one is more interesting than Chuuya could ever be, at least to you).

Your brows raised in irritation at his perverted advances. About to sass at him when someone from your behind harshly slapped the stranger’s hand away from being all touchy with you.

“Fuck off.” Chuuya warns. His gaze darkened, glaring icy daggers at the other guy. Clearly fuming and pissed off. Making it clear in his dangerous aura that he doesn’t accept any retorts or come back.

He hissed at him, clicking his tongue as the latter moved away and let go. Walking out of your sight, Chuuya’s expression lightly softens as he looked at you, caressing your cheeks gently.

“You okay, doll?” Concern was written all over his eyes, but you could only nod your head, still dumbfounded over the fact that he really still went after you at the club.

Your lips are agape but no words fell from your mouth.

‘Just what is he doing here anyway?’

“Good.” He exhaled, irritated and annoyance was still curved on his face as he held your hand, leading you out of the dance floor. Walking towards the table you and the girls occupied for the night.

You couldn’t help but let out a sigh as you tried to sit beside him, but he just grabbed at your waist, effortlessly placing you on his lap. Looking at him with questioning gaze, words hang from your lips. Without another word, he pushed your panties aside, sliding two fingers in your warmth. Harshly spreading apart inside.

It didn’t take another blink when his digits was replaced with his half-hard cock dipping in your pussy. You couldn’t help but hiss at the sting of not being prepared with any foreplay. Not yet slick enough with arousal to lubricate the sliding of his shaft.

Even still, he continues to penetrate deeper. Stretching your hole accustomed to his size. His hands are at each side of your hips, guiding the rocking and rolling of your body back and forth, up and down on his dick.

You couldn’t help but grip on the edge of the table for dear life as he didn’t paused his thrusting up to your hole. Even more so as you felt yourself slowly getting moist enough to drench his shaft with your wetness.

—Coldness rushes under your skin as he pressed his gloved palm on your inner thighs, lightly brushing his fingers over your clit, the same time Higuchi and Gin are coming back on your table. Your eyes widened as you gulped, letting go of your grip on the table out of reflexes.

“Ah?” They both paused as they saw the mafia executive.

“You’re here too, Chuuya-san?” Higuchi hiccups while Gin blinks her eyes trying to stay conscious. Both heavily drunk from drinking shots after shots from very moment you girls entered.

“That’s why we didn’t noticed where you went earlier. You suddenly went missing right there.” Higuchi lightly nodded to herself as she slumped on the other side of the couch, Gin sitting beside her, her head placed on the table, silent, drunken and sleepy.

“Yeah…” You awkwardly chuckles, feeling a little nervous yet thrilled and aroused over the current predicament. She continues bugging Gin, drinking even though they’re already clearly intoxicated. They didn’t even noticed how nor questioned why you’re sitting on a man’s lap, even more, your superior.

Or maybe simply, they just don’t bother. After all, it’s Chuuya. Chuuya Nakahara, Port Mafia Executive. Crashing your girls night out. Oblivious to how you straddle the mafioso's lap, riding on his thighs, with his thick hard cock buried deep in your pussy.

They’re back at the table, drinking and chugging glass after glass, bottles after bottles. Yet you and Chuuya are still busy in your own business.

Feeling him slightly increasing the pace of his thrusting up in your walls. Your folds fluttering at his base as he sinks deeper inside, burying himself in your core as your muscles clenched around his length. His thickness continuing to stretch you open at every slide.

Gathering all of your strength to not moan loudly as your breathing hitched. Whimpering lowly. Your chest heaving heavily as your gaze are shaky, sneaking glances at your friends, wary that they might caught you both in a shameless act.

Your nails digging in his skin as you held on his wrist. His gloved fingers teasing at your clit, rubbing circles as he pounded into you. You’re putting all your weight on him so not to give way on the deeds happening on your side. Keeping a lowkey vibe as Chuuya fucks you in front of your friends in a full packed night club.

You gritted your teeth as you clenched your jaws, lowering your head as your brows furrowed in pleasure. Biting on your lower lip as you hissed over feeling his teeth scraping on your nape.

“Shit… Fuck…Shh!—” Chuuya hushed and rocks as you roll your hips back to meet his pounding. His cock sloppily sliding back and forth your sopping cunt, drooling all over his balls and the crack of your bums. The zipper of his pants grazing at the skin of your back thighs.

His teeth lightly sink in the exposed skin of shoulder blade as he silently grunted near your ears. Feeling his cum painting your womb as he came inside your walls. Filling you full with his load. Breathless as he pressed kisses all over the length of your neck, nibbling on your skin, marking you with his love bites. His tongue swirling at the sucking.

“Chuuya…” You purred, trying to calm from the high.

“Hmm?” He hums as he continues to prep kisses. He’s unusually clinging to you in public. Displaying much affection than he usually does. His light kisses on your cheeks and forehead, turning into giving you hickeys. His warm embrace, turning into squeezing your frame with his hug. His hand that usually stays by the side of your hips or back, now kneading at the plump of your inner thighs, exposed to the cold breeze of the freezing air conditioner at the club. Making you more shaky and trembling than the washing of release over your femininity.

His hands and arms all over you. Covering your whole frame with his body, keeping you in a possessive protective manner.

“What are you doing here?” You wonders even though you already got the hint of his intentions for coming after you. His lips are by your ears, nibbling lightly on your earlobes.

“Why? You don’t want me here?” You snapped your head to look over him, your brows raised as amusement glinted your eyes over Chuuya’s pouty lips and whiny tone.

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle that vibrated through your still connected flesh. Mixed love juices drenching his pants, but he could care less. He wouldn’t even dare let go to move slightly away and tuck his dick back inside. Feeling the throbbing member against your pulsating walls.

“Shut up.” His cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson, feeling hot and embarrassed at your chuckling over his reply.

“Let’s go home.”

[unhinged-greed]

@rapid-as-sass-in-nation-team closed m!a starter.

This-... was hell! A small imp looked down at a sleeping sin under him with huge eyes as he felt like he couldn't breath. HOW did he end up in the same bed with Asmodeus!? Wait a sec-... 'Fizz' looked down at his hands before taking a deep breath. This must be a dream. There is NO fucking way this was a real thing, right? RIGHT!?

"Okay, okay.. this is no' okay" he whispered to himself, slowly backing away under the cover as he tried not to freak out. Well it did not take too long for 'Fizz' to slide slowly over Oz's groin area, just to stop when he felt it.. the fact that neither of them were wearing any underpants was the last straw.

Mammon, went to sleep in his own bed, in his own high quality silk pajamas just to wake up in same bed as his fucking ex boyfriend, in his current boyfriends body? Naked! Well sure he wore some stupid ass looking girly night gown but-... still that did not help him to calm down even a little bit.

"WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" a sudden panicky shout filled the otherwise quiet room as 'Fizz' jumped off the sin, not having a great control of his limbs as he fell off the bed, taking the blanket with him. He roll down the set of stairs next to the bed and soon found himself on the floor, rolled up in the blanket. That went smoothly!

[chaoscheebs]

So, consider: a stunning reversal on the whole awkward-ass Yami Yugi-Anzu date, i.e. Atem setting up an outing with Seto and then peace-ing the fuck out, enjoy your date, Yugi.

Yugi, bless his heart, tries so hard to fake not being the one in charge of the body.  Jacket draped on the shoulders like a cape?  Check.  THE PHARAOH VOICE(tm)? Check.  Project (false) confidence like a boss?  Check!

He almost gets away with it.  There are small tells, of course, but it’s not like Seto’s ever really talked to either of them much outside of card games; how could he tell Atem isn’t quite that prone to sass, or to show glimmers of anger (mostly on behalf of others) quite so readily?  Hell, how would he know Atem isn’t half as much into cute things as Yugi, or that the way the body dresses is 100% Yugi, pseudo-capes aside?

The jig is up, eventually, because Yugi literally physically cannot keep up The Pharaoh Voice(tm) because honestly, it starts hurting to do after a while, and has to admit that, sorry, his other self is Just Not Into You Like That, Seto.  And then Yugi, dear, sweet Yugi, does the one Cardinal Sin that Seto can’t stand: he sympathizes with him.

It hurts, doesn’t it, he asks.  To be ignored by someone you try your best to reach out to, to gain acknowledgement from?  It’s even worse when you’re only seen as a weak meat puppet for the person that person really wants to be with, you know.  But you still want to duel with someone today, yes?  Then Yugi will be your opponent, Seto.  And even if you never reach out back for him, he’ll make sure you acknowledge his skill as a duelist.

Fast forward, card games happen, Yugi wins--not him and his other self, Yugi--and Seto’s like “well, fuck me” internally, because he is Realizing Things and does not how to deal with it.

(Later, at home, this conversation effectively happens:

Mokuba: So, how was your ~*~date~*~, big brother~? Seto: *grabs briefcase of cards, looking haunted* Yugi’s hot. Mokuba: What?  O.o Seto: *starts going through cards, looking for better card synergies for deck, still looking haunted* Yugi’s hot.)

[rkivestation]

Those Eyes Ch:2 ||KTH

»chapter 2: Connection access (Masterpost)

»ratings:pg-13

»genre: romance,fluff,angst,smut (might add some if requested later,or else,it has non rn)

»summery:it's a mystery how two pair of eyes finds solace in each other when they are strangers and when they are not. can they solve the mystery their eyes behold and explore beyond the horizon of their workaholic life?

»wc: 4.0k

Your eyes flicked open,startled by the voice.

"The heck, why are you here?" the grumble within your tone radiated nothing but annoyance as the owner of the voice not only ruined the moment but also yelled at you,hoe?

"Because ma'am we are running late. Don't tell me,you planned to sleep off the whole day?" the same voice said calm yet angrily.

You looked at the clock as it showed 12:30 and then you shift your gaze to her with a tsk still lying on the couch eyes half open,"Yeah? So what?Its not like we are going any-" you face palmed jumping from the couch and sit up as realization hit you.

"Shit,I totally forgot,"you sheepishly smile & scratch your back.

"Now you are awake sweetie" Auri flashed you a thin smile. Silence before storm,"Now get ready in twenty minutes before I kick you to Antarctica!"

You look at her in annoyance as you drag your body to stand up. "Hey, sleepyhead!" a loud voice startled you as your eyes shifted to the other side of the couch,"Jae-ah? Why are you here?"

You felt a smack on your head as you yelped rubbing the aching area, "Thank her. She cleaned your dirty ass room which's been a representation of a trash bin,for I dunno, maybe the day you rented this apartment?" Auri decided to get on your nerves today.

"Sassing are we? You need to pay me for ruining my so realistic dream. Do you know how dreamy that dream was. I had my-" you started fangirling over your enchanting dream but got cut off,"I have no interest in listening to your perverted dream specially when we are running late. And dreams are supposed to be dreamy my love." she is really in a mood of sassing with you.

A blush crept on your cheeks as you realized what would happen next with him if you didn't get woken up.

"Kim Auri. For the love of God,it wasn't perver-" Auri threw a towel on your face as your voice got muffled before you could finish.

"Make sure to wash all your sins too sweetheart" she cooed.

"It wasn't a wet dream!"

sort of. but she doesn't need to know that.

You stomped your feet whining as Auri and Jae-ah chuckled seeing you pout like a baby. "You did moved a bit,you know-" Jae-ah shifted her gaze on you nervously fiddling her fingers awkwardly, "-oddly" she flashed you a eye smile.

You scoffed throwing the towel on your shoulder,taking steps towards the kitchen.

You didn't even utter the main evil's name yet the evil is right before you handing you a cup of coffee which was very much needed after all this mess as you entered the kitchen yawning, ruffling your messy hair, "The entry code was too easy to not barge in" she piped,mouthing a half hearted 'sorry'.

You rolled your eyes not even surprised as you sipped your coffee. Gosh Mirae made the best coffee.The sweet taste lit up your mood but the mixed of bitterness came after making you realize something, "Don't tell me, shin-"

"Hey sweethearts,I thought its better if a beautiful girl like me heads with you all?You might even get some free passes." you had no doubt who that screechy voice belongs to.

Mirae glanced at you with an uninterested face , "Speak of the devil." she pointed nonchalantly with her thumbs pointing to the door shrugging. You also tried to avoid the high pitched sounded woman roaming all over your house.

Its even worse than your house getting infested with rats,you swore.

"What a nightmare of a voice" Mirae scrunched her nose sipping her coffee. "Nightmare! How can I forget to tell you?" you excitedly yelled startling Mirae.

Thank God she was finished with her coffee,"What? You had one? What's so exciting though? Isn't it supposed to be scary?" she frowned.

You couldn't stop squealing at the thought of him. "No,I had a dream. You won't believe,I had my-"

"Ouch,let go,what the fuck?" you suddenly felt a sharp pain in your left ear as it got pulled by none other than the devil Auri Kim. "I told you to make it as quick as possible.But you're still not over your stupid dream talk." she scolded as her voice almost got your ears feel numb.

"My oh my, look at you Y/N,you haven't even properly brushed your hair, correction, you didn't brush your hair at all, you're not planning to go like this, are you? you scoffed at Shina, struggling to run from Auri as you glanced at Mirae with a 'help'.

Mirae chuckled coming between you & Auri, "Auri,let her go. she just woke up its been only five minutes!" Mirae glared at Auri playfully.

"No its been seven minutes!" Mirae rolled her eyes over Auri's strict time maintenance.

She turned to face you with a strict smile,"And you.I will never say no to your dreams and I'm eager to know what happened cause you seem a bit too excited than usual" she smirked as you smiled widely;you knew she would never say no to your anything.

"But now is really not the time.We have the whole day for this but we don't have even half an hour to get ready,so sis you needa hurry up." you pouted as she looked at you apologetically.

"fine.."

-

"I didn't walk all this way for shopping Shina."

"Oh c'mon,it's gonna take less than twenty minutes,I promise" she pleaded to Mirae who had her hands folded against her chest with raging anger. "Listen,the more we get late-" Jae-ah tried to calmly state but got cut off, "The less fun we can have!" Mirae yelled,finishing.

"I totally agree with her.It still will take ten minutes to reach that peculiar amusement park. And if we spend twenty minutes here it will take a total of thirty minutes. Oh my gosh and then it will take a solid ten minutes to get all our tickets cause of it's a holiday. And then each rides take approximately-" Auri was cut off as she felt a pat on her shoulder,

"It's okay, breath Auri-ah" you laughed as she finally exhaled. "Bro Seoulmusement ain't peculiar,it's beautiful and fun,mostly mysterious & mythical."Mirae scoffed as Auri rolled her eyes.

"Listen.Shopping is fun.Slow down there.We have a lot of time.It doesn't matter if we waste some,right? Look at all these discounts!" Shina squealed smiling fondly but coughed nervously as she got no response from her friends. So she had to go all 'sweet Shina mode'

Mirae felt two hands snaking from behind towards her shoulder, "They're selling the best brand of edgy cloths and accessories with them are free!" Shina cooed smirking; she knew what can temp Mi. You had to scoff at how Shina went for her next pray as if she is the predator here.

"You don't wanna lose the chance of buying the latest shoes in half prize do you? Also I heard they are giving branded purses here." She whispered as Auri gulped,eyes glowing.

"And," Shina clapped gaining Jae-ah's attention,"Jae-ah you wanted to buy some branded makeup items,right? This is the right place,I swear." and Jae-ah had to be the first to enter already,almost running.

"Er.. just twenty minutes k? What do you say Auri-ah?" Auri nodded slightly looking at Mirae as she couldn't leave Jae alone. She had plenty of edgy clothes so Shina didn't really temp her but she let it slide.

Shina looked at you, "Oh yn-ah you can-" you cut her off placing your palm between you & her, "Sorry but you can't tamp me" you smiled and looked at the other two, "Let's go,make it quick" they all laughed uncomfortably sensing your distaste as they entered.

As you were entering you saw something crash at the narrow area beside the huge mall, almost unnoticed. You decided to shrug it off as you were going to push open the door but another loud thump was heard. Loud enough for you but not for the busy people walking on the street.

You felt curious & concerned as your legs led you there, "Is anybody there?"

It only felt creepier as you stood in the middle of that small narrow path. It was so silent unlike the noisy street and it felt chillier here.

"Is anyone in trouble? Should I-" a large body collapsed with yours as you both fell on the ground behind several abandoned blue plastic drums.

"Ouch..hey-" it took some moments to get your senses back as you yelled at the huge human who apparently seems to think it's funny to play ninja games?

Ninja games yes; cause he was hiding behind the big drums, holding you tightly against his chest.

"Miss I'm sorry but don't talk please,I'm in a mission" you had to scoff at this 10 y/o brain.

"Mission? Mister I'm literally dying from a headache? You don't even know how to apo-" he pressed his palm on your mouth letting go of his hold as your eyes met with his for the first time.

"You're so talkative. I'm fighting with life and death here" he whispered lowly as he quickly averted his gaze.

Eyes concentrated on the street before him anxiously fear written on his face.

You could not think straight the moment your eyes met with his.

Mesmerizing beautiful eyes. Unrealistic yet so real. Any earthly word is not enough to describe it.

He had a plain black mask on so you could not quite make out his face. But his eyes gave it all. Those eyes. It had to be. You just knew it.

"Look." There's a hint of urgency in his deep baritone."I'm so sorry for dragging you here, although you chose to be a curious cat. But I really need to go. So, bye." He shook you breaking your trail of thoughts as you looked startled and almost red for the undying thoughts and his little logical accusation. Before you could properly utter a word,much less defend yourself,he was already out of sight.

What just happened?

-

You didn't lose your way back to the mall but you sure as hell nearly lost your mind and didn't even know what you were doing,"The hell why are you pulling the door? It says push it." You got startled looking at Mirae with a 'huh..uh' look.

"Oh my, don't tell me all this time you were pulling it?" Shina tried her heart and soul preventing herself from laughing but did she really.

"Oh gosh you look so pale!" Mirae panicked. "Yet feel so warm! How?Wait fever?" Auri gasped placing her palm on your forehead checking your temperature.

"Best shopping ever" a cheery Jae-ah exited the mall but her face fell looking at your horrible state,"Did something happen? You look like you got haunted by some ghost?" She cried.

"Hey,what's the matter? Did something happen? Where were you!?" Mirae shook you once again looking disturbed.

"A lot" you finally uttered looking at her with your widened eyes.

.

"So you're telling me,you were oh so lost into his eyes for you to recognize his actual face?" you swore to God you never saw Auri talking so loud and add sarcasm all these years; its much of something Mirae would do.

Whatever this that Auri was having fun with got on your nerves. She was enjoying it more than anyone expected. Making fun of you and all the things that happened today.

She glanced at everyone laughing so hard that tears glistened at the corner of her eyes as she glanced at you once again, "And you bumped into the same guy?Is this your Disney world? " She threw her head back laughing holding her belly tight.

"I said it might be him. And Auri Kim aren't you being too much? Hallucination & things like pre-recognization exists.They are scientifically proven; you believe or not nobody cares."you snapped not believing how she is taking her jokes so far. "Yeah for dreamy girls like you it might be. Like c'mon y/n-iie-" 

"Enough Auri-ah,you are being too much. It can be true. There's always fifty percent chances of everything becoming true if a person strongly feels it. Its true or not I'm loving it! Its been decades y/n & i haven't talked like this. So don't dare to come between us. Since morning she is trying to tell me all this but everytime you are laughing it off! Like this isn't funny to me anymore. She is now a grown up & her words carries the same weight as ours. This jokes you're pulling are actually turning very much disrespectful. If you are not interested just sit there zipping your mouth shut until she is done with her story,alright?"

Mi finally huffed a long breath after finishing up realizing how maturely she handled the matter. You chuckled seeing her heart swell with proud.

Auri gulped already shutting her mouth. She realized she was overreacting.You weren't surprised nor mad honestly because you knew this is Auri Kim,your soulmate. Who else right?

"I'm so sorry. I really shouldn't have gone this far. We all have our own imaginations and thinking. I shouldn't have questioned yours. I'm so sorry I didn't mean it that way. I really am sorry y/n." Auri pouted looking at you and you sure as hell already melted for her cute face as Mirae was smiling proudly.

Auri apologizing is rare but genuine which both of you respected her for. 

You chuckled,"Of course I wasn't mad in the first place!"

Auri let a sigh of relief placing her palm on her chest,"Thank God I can't see my soulmate being mad at me for even one second.I love you!"

Her sudden cuteness made all of you chuckle as you all shoved another spoonful of ice cream in your mouth. It has always been like this with her. No matter how mad you both get and no matter how many silent treatments you both end up giving each other in the end you both miss each other.

Today was so fun despite all the mystical weird things happening to you. Although you got the best friends in the universe who absolutely made you forget all these disturbing events during this whole time but the memories kept coming back. Yet you told your brain a 'not today' to not ruin these rare moments.

 You sure as hell was a dreamer, not loving the reality that much but when reality included your best friends and fun you couldn't but put it first despite the fact that every little details of those moments made you think of it. When you guys went for the roller coaster ride Mi was so shocked how you didn't even flinch for once as you were so in your thoughts. You really did feel like any of your muscles didn't move an inch. 

You knew these are nothing but overthinking yet you couldn't help but smile at those memories which is still so freshly present in your brain. You legit felt his touch when you were getting ready, you felt him smiling the whole way to Seoulmusement & you felt so lost for that bloody hell boy that bumped into you. It has to be him.

You couldn't stop thinking that to but again it can't be it's just the dream that controlled your brain for too long and you saw those eyes in the masked boy. You decided to take it that way to convince yourself and not look anymore crazy. But again you bumped into some other guys as well yeah the clumsy girl you are; but you didn't feel the same at all. You didn't even feel anything at all. 

Mirae seemed to have the same theory as yours about this whole thing & she was very much excited about it when you & Mi walked the whole way to Seoulmusement leaving the others behind as they weren't interested; you could be so talkative when it came to telling everything that happens to you everyday. It's just how you love to share your thoughts about the little things that happens & takes you to another world of thoughts. Auri absolutely loved that side of you,so did Mirae. They loved how you look so cute letting your thoughts out to them. 

You couldn't fix the puzzles of all these yet. This is so saddening how you can't remember any other thing of both guys or maybe the same guy other than the eyes. You sighed taking another spoonful of Ice cream as the cold feeling hit you & a loud voice pulled you out from your trail of thoughts,"Hey, Y/n what do you see in my eyes? Are you psychic? I'm so curious for real I swear! I mean how about we test you!? You must have some incredible powers? I mean who knows right." Shina laughed ignoring Mirae's whole speech she gave just a sec ago absolutely getting on your nerves as always. 

"For once act like an adult will you?" Mirae snapped.

You could see that she didn't enjoy how everyone is treating you. You smiled at her, "It's okay mi I'm not bothered, you know these assholes were and will forever be like this."

Mirae laughed a historical laugh as the others pouted except Jae-ah who looked so deeply in her own world as she suddenly clapped her hands in the air,"You know what, this whole dream thing can actually be true? Like I had something similar to this! I saw a hand-"

"Shouldn't we already head for the maze?" Mirae announced standing up from her chair completely ignoring the copy cat sitting beside you as you had to scoff at Jae-ah too.

Everyone one around the table let out a groan throwing their heads back. "Oh please what's so fun in there? It's nothing but a never ending path with thousands of ways,I ain't going!Auri whined.

"Thousands? Miss there's just eight different paths! And that is what makes this game interesting!" Mirae argued excitedly.

"Game? what is so game like there? Huh!? It's just a way of getting lost in a park like a 2 years old kid. It is a headache finding the way back."Shina fought back.

"That is why it's called 'maze' okay? It needs brain. And guess what? You don't have one." Mirae sassed losing herself as she felt heartbroken pouting & turning at you & Jae-ah. 

"Um..Mirae-ah I love how wild & free you are but this idea seems a bit well uh too wild,tiring and you know uh what I mean" Jae-ah sheepishly flashed Mi a smile.

You weren't very much fond of her idea as the last time you guys got out of that hell after sunset. Even the memories haunts you and you know all feels the same except Mi the wild & free girl of course.

But you didn't want to turn her down & make her upset after all she has ever done to you. So you felt determined to sacrifice, "Um yea-" and you couldn't thank the power high above more as you felt your phone vibrate in your purse.

You excused yourself pulling your phone out checking the caller ID. You jumped from your sit squealing like a five years old, "Oh my God!"

Auri grinned at your sudden cute squeals, "Who's it? S-?" Mi with sudden awakwardness roughly held Auri's  arms stopping her as Auri yelped.

Clearing her throat she asked chimming,"Who? Who?!" without thinking twice of her weird behavior you squealed further, "It's dad! I haven't heard from him for so long,I can't believe this." 

"Bish pick up and stop flashing us those bunny smiles! I'm melting"Mi yelled pretending to get attacked putting her palms on her heart. You chuckled at her picking up the call excitedly,

"Hello dad,I missed you! It's been so long,how are you doing?How's your health!?-"

"Good God, y/n ah-"

"How's mom? Are you guys doing good in busan? It is so hot in busan right now? Isn't it? Does the Ac work alright?Mom isn't overworking, is she?"

"y/n ah calm dow-"

"Oh and how's Aiden? He is still that naughty kid, isn't he? I'm sure he gets in trouble time to time? It wasn't something too big,was it? Oh and dad? Dad? Hello?

you checked the connection and found it well secured.

"My daughter is still the spritful human being huh?"

he suddenly chuckled from the other line making you release a sigh of relief. 

"You scared me!"

"Why? you thought I died huh? well that is very much possible though when someone hears you talk non stop"

"My voice ain't that scary!"

"Not at all. It's too beautiful to be scary. I wanted to hear it for so long. I still remember how your voice drifted me off to sleep every night . Those beautiful memories are so majestic yet so short."

"Hey dad,now I didn't tell you to flatter me & make me cry. I already miss you guys an awful lot! Will you tell me how are you all already?"

"Everything is just fine here my daughter, don't you worry at all.Your mother can't stop telling the neighbors how much of a genius and intelligent professional her daughter is."

"Not surprised at all."

"Aiden seems to respect you a lot. He wants...same path...d-d...id"

"Dad? Hello?" you checked out the connection as it showed weak network.

You were really eager to hear about Aiden and the weak connection was getting on your nerves. With a groan you slapped the screen.

.

"Please just this once. It's so fun! Why are y'all suddenly being such grumpy lazy aunties?" you looked at your friend trying to convince everyone around the table for you don't know how long.

But none of them seemed to  move a muscle at Mirae's plea. You checked for the connection pacing back and forth around the cafe but no sign,not even a little. Sighing you went back to your table, "Guys the connection here isn't stable. I'm gonna head out for a bit to get some network access. Go on." you sympathetically grinned at everyone but mostly Mi seeing her struggle. You mouthed an 'its okay' to her before leaving.

You went for the exit,walking fast and holding your phone close to your ear as you tried calling him again. As you were about to pull the gates a firm hand pushed it at the same time. You stared at the silver handle for a sec thinking how you were going to embarrass yourself by pulling it when it says 'push'.

You looked up at the person who just opened the door thinking it might be the security but rather it was a tall enough guy face completely hidden behind a mask and a cap. 

You could faintly see his long eyelashes resting on his cheeks as he looked down at you. His black mask hid half of his face and his long cap hid another half. His brownish locks were slightly touching his eyelashes trying to hide them too. His clothes were casual although you had no intention of checking him out. He was wearing a plain black T-shirt under his half red & half black jacket. All oversized.  And maybe casual navy jeans.

Goodness he isn't mysophobic, is he? You were so stunned at how he protects his face. He can't be an Idol, is he? Whatever his reason is you had no mood to judge. 

Connection access. You reminded yourself. Just as you were thinking to let him step out first you saw a hand gesturing you to step out first almost in a 'lady first' manner as his other hand held the handle preventing it from closing. You slightly looked up at him as you stepped out bowing your head , "thanks" and hurriedly tried to call your dad again. It was ringing as you let out a sigh of relief. It was the fourth ring but he wasn't picking up yet and you took that moment to admire the pinkish sky above you.

It was cloudless yet splashed with purple and orange hues in between. As if the pink sky let her friends make a miraculous portrait on her. It looked so peaceful around at this time.

Everybody went to the nearby cafes to take a break after a long bright fun day. Your eyes roamed around the area filled with lovely colorful flowers and large trees filled with leaves giving you spring vibes. And just as you turned your head the other side you saw the same guy scrolling his phone just beside you. He seemed to have the same problem of network as you saw him struggle placing his phone close to his ear and then again tapping on his phone aggressively. He looked so familiar yet unfamiliar now that you see him so closely. 

Could he be- No. Y/n don't go insane again. You'll end up being a clown.

Your eyes couldn't stop but roam on his navy jeans and the first thing you noticed is the shinchan key ring hanging loosely with several keys on his belt chain. You squealed inside finding your shinchan mate yet chuckled outside seeing how gorgeous he was looking with it. The belt chain made him look ten times hotter yet the key ring made him look so adorable.

You averted your gaze before he caught you staring, smiling to yourself. See dad! I'm not the only one. As if your father read your mind from Busan to Seoul he picked up,

"So? Do you still watch shinchan?"

You were so surprised & shocked at the same time for asking you about the thing you were thinking just now teasingly.

"Yah! The first thing you ask is this? Can't you just ask why the call got cut!?"

"What is there to ask about? It can happen! Now answer me? Do you still watch your idol?"

"Of course I do. He is forever my inspiration. I learnt a lot about life for him."

You felt the guy turn & tilt his head slightly to you as you blushed. Please don't listen.

"Yeah whatever you say. My daughter is rebellious. Never will win."

"Now you know"

"A..y..wa...s, Ai...de..n said he...wants..to..y..o.."

Why does this bloody network have to act like this whenever dad talks about Aiden.

"Hello? Dad? Hold on.Let the connection get better" you walked faster stepping out from the small yard of the cafeteria going forward where your feet was taking you to.

 .

He had to remove his other ear phone too now to hear your voice clearly. It was better than the song he was mindlessly hearing. Your voice was something he craved for decades it seemed. It sounded excitingly beautiful and soothing.

He couldn't but stare at your every movements amused as you were excitingly talking to your father. He was feeling frustrated when he didn't get a better connection and chose to leave yet the girl beside him was the same one who he opened the door for smiling to himself at your cuteness. He decided to stay for some more time as his mind told him to admire you.

Stupid you don't even know her. You're just here to get the goddamn network access. 

Yet he could not control himself from melting for you cute smiles,laughs,frowns,grins & chuckles. He found you every habits cute including the foot stomping. He loved the way you talked to your father so dearly as if you missed him for so long.

Earlier he was amazed seeing you admire every little details of the nature around. He could see it in her eyes how she didn't miss a single detail. The sky above sure looked mesmerizing but he was busy admiring the art before him. Still now he can't stop capturing her every details with his eyes and saving it in his heart. He couldn't understand why he felt so drowned neither he wanted to understand. 

The frown on your face was back as the connection went weak again. Funny how his mind was urging to bring her the strongest connection of the world just to see your face light up again. Just as you were leaving, something dropped from your shorts pocket. Without thinking much he called for you,picking up, "Miss!? You dropped something! Hello?"

He called for you but the dreamy girl you are, he knew you won't hear him. As your only motto for now was 'getting the connection back'. 

He stood up picking up the neatly folded handkerchief as his smirk grew wider behind his mask eyes slightly squinting tilting his head, "Is this why you were staring at my pants so dearly miss? So shinchan didn't go underrated after all huh?"

He smiled again running to find the beautiful owner of this plain white handkerchief with shinchan's famous smiling face printed on the corner of it. 

.

You can win a marathon. You run when walking so what do you do she when you run. Probably drive yourself? He thought thinking how thoughtless he sounds. He is confident about which way you went but there was no trace of yours. He could see a silhoette coming from the right turn as he followed the path. Turning he saw you far from him still unable to reach her father. 

"Miss!You dropped this!"

Finding it of use he ran again as he saw you enter some garden absent mindedly. Without thinking much he finally reached infront of it too about three minutes after you.

Needa workout again boy! 

He breatheheavily holding his knees for a second and entered the garden too, totally forgetting his important call.

Wait but is it really a garden?

next

[my-dr-is-a-big-meme]

A Helluva Boss dr? Ok I gotta hear this.

I feel like I’m being judged 💀

There’s a reality out there somewhere where I’m Ozzie…so I’m going there 🥴

His level of sass is the same as mine, his temperament is so relatable, his unwillingness to read anything he signs💀 his level of care is the same as mine, his word choices…

“Mammon can eat my ass…In a bad way!”

Me asf.

I don’t know if I wanna go to an animated reality or a more realistic one. If I choose realistic, I don’t wanna look like a big flaming rooster, so I’m trying to design a rough outline of what I want to look like

I’m excited to hang out with Stolas. He needs desperate help, but omg I bet he’s cool to hang with. I also really wanna hang out with Bee. (I LOVE her Cotton Candy song so much)

Side note for anyone who’s seen HB and HH: Should I watch Hazbin for more information on this reality or is it really not that important? I don’t want to but I know the other sins are in Hazbin so…I’m in the middle here. The only reason I’m asking is because I feel like context is important so that I know what I’m getting into, especially considering I’ll be a sin, ya know?

[leiawritesstories]

PART FOUR: APRIL (PART I)

Word count: 4k

Warnings: swearing, smut, NSFW, violence, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, scenes of torture, guns. this chapter is really quite violent

enjoy! if you've been reading this au, you have my whole heart <3

to my lovely beta @house-of-galathynius this was an impulse post lol so if there's anything wrong please please tell me :))

MASTERLIST

Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan opened his bedroom door– why was it even closed?–to a sight straight out of his wildest, most secret dreams. 

Silk sheets and red lace artfully obscured Aelin’s tantalizing silhouette. Her hair was loose, a wild golden waterfall cascading down her bare back, her lips were painted the exact same shade of scarlet as the lace peeking temptingly out from the artfully arranged sheets, and her eyes–which were zeroed in on him–were enhanced by smokey charcoal eyeliner, a thick smudge of deep gray making the vibrant turquoise and gold pop. 

Rowan could feel his dick practically ripping a hole through his black cargo pants as he prowled towards the bed where Aelin lay, all sprawled out for him like his own personal feast. 

“Did you get all dressed up for me, baby?” he purred, stopping at the end of the bed to kick off his boots, socks, and belt. 

Her smirk was slow, lazy, and utterly devastating. “Been wearing this under my dress all night waiting for you to discover it.” Crimson, the same color as the gown she’d worn at the gala. 

He dipped his head in a satisfied nod. “Good girl.” Smoothly, he took a handful of the sheets and whisked them away, revealing the full extent of Aelin’s glory. “ Fuck , baby. Look at you.” 

“This is my second-favorite set,” she smirked. “Right after the gold one.” 

“You’re wearing the gold one next.” It was a demand, not a question, and it burst from him without forethought. His blood fucking boiled at the image of her in gold lace.

She chuckled softly, amused. “I’ll consider it.” 

“You’ll be a good girl for me, and you’ll wear the goddamned gold.” He hadn’t meant for his voice to go so raspy. 

“And what if I decide not to?” 

He pounced onto the bed, positioning himself atop her and caging her in with his arms on either side of her head. “Then I’ll bend you over and spank your tight little ass so hard you’ll be wearing my handprint for days.” 

A shiver rocked through her body, and her lips dropped, her eyes glazing. “Sounds tempting.” 

Fuck him, even when he thought he’d floored her with his filthy promises, she still managed to conjure a snarky retort. It turned him on more than he’d thought was possible. 

“Now who’s the speechless one?” she teased, yanking his attention back to the moment. 

Swift as the wind, he rose onto his knees and yanked her so she was flush against him, that sinful red lace prickling at his bare chest. “Sass, baby?” Keeping one hand splayed on her hip, he dragged his other hand up her chest, found the tie between her breasts, and tugged the loose bow undone. “What happens when you sass me, hmm?” 

“Why don’t you show me?” A challenge–his bold, fearless CEO was never one to back down. 

Brushing a barely-there kiss against the side of her throat, he smirked wickedly. “Make as much noise as you want, baby, but you don’t get to move unless I say so.” She made a vague hum, and he wrapped his fingers around her chin and angled her face back and up to meet her blazing eyes. “Is that clear, baby?” 

“Crystal,” she simpered, tensing the muscles in her legs and stomach to secure her posture. 

Rowan smirked and kissed her throat in reward. “Good girl.” Swiftly, he shoved the lace one-piece off of her body, groaning lowly at the sight of her flawless, bare skin, the wetness glistening between her legs. “Hold. Fucking. Still.” Without waiting, he dove in, burying his fingers in her cunt, his thumb rubbing rough circles into her throbbing clit. 

Aelin moaned, unafraid to be vocal, her sounds only increasing the faster he moved his fingers. “Fuck, Rowan, right there, ah fuck , yes!” Her legs quivered from the effort of remaining still–he knew how hard she shook when she came–and he praised her for holding still like that. 

“That’s my good girl,” he rumbled, bending his head so he could scrape his teeth across one of her rosy, stiff nipples. Just as he felt her edging toward orgasm, he pulled away, relishing in her gasp. “I never told you you could come, did I, baby?” 

“N-no,” she panted, shock and heated lust clouding her beautiful face. 

“That’s right.” He kissed her lips, a bare caress of his mouth. “How about you make me cum all over your pretty little fists, and then maybe I’ll get you to that orgasm?” 

Her breath left her in a shaky exhale. “You want me like this?” she whispered, flipping their positions so she straddled his thighs from behind, her manicured fingernails scraping the sensitive head of his thick, hard cock. 

Fuck.

Just like that, the scene changed, and he was in the warehouse again–albeit completely fucking naked–and a woman’s body had him immobilized, her ice-cold steel knives pressed dangerously into his achingly hard cock and his pounding jugular. 

“Should have known you’d be into this, you naughty boy,” the woman purred. 

Rowan blinked, shaking his head sharply. That–that was Aelin speaking, Aelin behind him, Aelin holding lethal knives against his bare skin, Aelin turning his blood to fire. But it had been Celaena in the warehouse; he’d solidified the theory mere days ago. It had been Celaena Sardothien holding him at knifepoint, utterly unafraid to end his life right then and there for eavesdropping on her secret little illegal rendezvous. 

“That’s right,” Aelin continued, her soft, warm lips trailing over his shoulder blades. “Stay nice and still for me.” 

“You…you’re not..” He fumbled for words. “This– fuck –didn’t– fuuuck –happen,” he finally said. Moaned, actually. It was a near-desperate moan.  

In a blink, the scene faded to blackness and abruptly cut to bright sunlight as Rowan jerked awake from what had been probably the most confusing and simultaneously arousing wet dream he’d ever had. He rubbed his bleary eyes, shook his clouded head, and tried to sit up. 

And his rock-hard dick scraped against the cotton sheets. 

Fucking hell. 

~

Rowan could barely look Lorcan in the face that morning in the gym, and the dark-haired man was giving him endless shit for both his inattention and his unusual clumsiness. 

“What’s the matter, Whitethorn?” Lorcan jabbed after Rowan had almost failed his final set of deadlifts. “Forget the chick’s name this morning?” 

“Fuck off,” Rowan growled, draping his sweat towel around his neck and hopping onto the treadmill to start his cooldown. 

Lorcan’s face split into a shit-eating grin as he climbed onto the next treadmill and matched Rowan’s pace. “How good are we talking? You get into the kinky shit?” 

“I–First of all, shut the fuck up,” Rowan snapped. “Secondly, there was no goddamn chick .”

The taller man nodded knowingly. “Sex dreams, then.” He reached over and punched Rowan in the bicep. “Don’t worry, man. We all have them.” He was quiet for a few beats, and then his repressed humor escaped his grasp. “We just don’t all have to jack off in the shower like a goddamn horny teenager when we wake up.” 

“Go to hell,” Rowan grunted, flipping Lorcan the middle finger. A violent blush spread from his cheeks down his neck. 

Lorcan erupted into guffaws and ticked down the speed on his treadmill to a slower walk so he could howl with laughter without falling over. “Just tell me one thing, Whitethorn. Exactly how fuckin’ nasty was this dream that you couldn’t keep it in your pants?” 

“I hate you,” Rowan grouched, but his lips twitched. Despite himself, and despite Lorcan’s penchant for pissing him off, the hulking, usually broody man was the closest thing he had to a proper family. “It was…fuck, I’ve never had a dream like it.” 

“I’m proud of you, brother.” As they headed towards the locked room, Lorcan clapped a hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “I’d be prouder if you had that criminal you’ve been hunting behind bars, but it seems like a case worth your skills, so I won’t push it.” 

“Oh, piss off .” Rowan shoved Lorcan’s side. “As far as the case…” He trailed off, scowling. “I got a few leads now, but that goddamn irritating little shit down in PD is pulling out all the red tape he can find. Every time I get somewhere promising, he’s shoving a fucking clipboard in my face.”

“Little shit,” Lorcan agreed. “What about the Galathynius front?” He was the only other man who knew Rowan’s theory that Sardothien was using Galathynius, Inc. as a front. The Shadow Assassin, hiding her shady dealings in the shadows of Aelin Galathynius’s prestige and popularity. 

“Progressing,” Rowan replied curtly. In reality, it was still just a theory; he hadn’t been able to find anything concrete. It was more of a gut instinct, something deep in his investigative mind that told him there was some kind of twisted connection between the gorgeous, sharp-witted CEO who had more of a grip on his heart and his sex dreams that he’d admit and the deadly criminal who’d held him at knifepoint less than three weeks ago. 

“Good.” Lorcan waved as he headed towards his locker. “Don’t kick the little shit at Orynth PD too hard, Whitethorn.” 

“Don’t accidentally shoot any of the recruits, Salvaterre,” Rowan returned. 

He walked into his office at the police bureau in a slightly better mood than normal, his spirits bolstered by the fact that Westfall was out on assignment for the day. Of course, the fact that he finally had another meeting scheduled with Aelin helped, too. 

She’d just agreed to it over a brief phone call. 

“Yes, I believe I can make that work.” Faint scribbling indicated that she was probably writing down the meeting on one of her neon sticky notes. 

“Excellent.” He hesitated, wondering whether to push his luck. “I’d call it a date, but this is mostly business, so…” 

“Mostly business is still somewhat pleasure,” Aelin teased in that throaty, confident voice of hers. “It’s a date, Rowan.” 

“It’s a date.” 

~

Idly twirling a freshly sharpened knife over her gloved fingertips, Aelin kicked her booted feet up onto the shitty excuse for a desk in the shithole that Archer Finn called an office and waited, her eyes trained on the rusty door. Behind her, her two largest thugs melted into the corners of the office, keeping eyes on all angles of the dimly lit, slightly waterlogged space. Although her skin–completely protected beneath a layer of SecondSkin and then the near-impenetrable layer of her suit–crawled at the utter filth of the place, she reassured herself that she could go home to a nice, long, hot shower. 

Once Archer Finn was no longer present in society, that was. 

Right on cue, Archer Finn himself slammed open his office door, strode in, and froze, speechless. 

“Evening,” Aelin drawled, wicked satisfaction creeping into her tone as she watched the pirate open and close his mouth, gasping for words like a fish out of water. “So sorry to intrude on your pleasant fucking night.” 

“Wh-what are y-you doing here, Boss?” Archer finally managed to stutter. 

Aelin clicked her tongue. “You know why I’m here, Archer.” Granted, it was only April 10, two whole days earlier than her shipment was supposed to arrive, but she knew full well how Archer Finn operated. 

He scrambled backwards, only to be met with three hundred pounds of muscle in the form of her guard. “I didn’t do shit!” he yelped. 

“Liar.” 

“N-no, I swear!” Archer’s face blanched several shades of pale. “I’m not responsible for the idiocy of my hired crews, Boss, I swear!” 

“Liar,” Aelin repeated. Leisurely, she stood up, stretched her arms over her head, and tipped her head at the guard who held Archer’s immobilized body. “Have a seat, pirate.”

“I– ah!” Archer struggled and flailed, but he was no match for the burly man who strapped him into the peeling, faux-leather swivel chair behind his desk. “What the fuck do you want?” he snapped, his fake-innocent façade finally cracking. 

With a lethally soft zing , Aelin flicked out her knife. “Why don’t we start with the missing Kingsflame shipment?” 

“Even I can’t control the goddamn weather,” Archer snapped. “Ship was lost at sea, Boss.” 

“It’s cute that you think I believe you.” She trailed the blade along his jawline, giving it just enough pressure to leave a faint scratch but not break the skin. “Try again.” 

“The. Shipment. Was. Fucking. Lost,” he growled. 

Snick . Her knife flicked through the stained fabric of his shirt, reducing the cheap cotton to shreds on the filthy cement floor. “You thought you were so clever, placing Tern as captain of that ship. You thought I wouldn’t read the crew manifest, didn’t you?” She chuckled dryly. “I’m almost sad that you turned out to be so predictable.” 

“Fuck you.” Archer spat. 

“Not if you were the last option on Earth.” Aelin beckoned her guards over. “Boys, I think we should move this meeting to the river.” 

“Sure thing, Boss,” one of the men replied. 

Archer’s eyes widened with sudden, petrifying recognition. “B-Boss, I’ll–” Thunk. Whatever he’d been about to babble was lost as the other guard punched him in the temple, and he dropped into unconsciousness. 

Aelin arched one perfectly groomed brow. “I kind of wanted to hear him grovel.” 

“Oops,” deadpanned the huge, masked guard. 

She snickered. “Don’t even try to pretend you’re sorry, Con. Let’s get this shit on the road.” 

“Nice pun, Boss,” Con joked, hauling Archer Finn’s limp, bound-up body over one shoulder and leading the way out of the cramped, disgusting office. 

“Didn’t hire you for your humor,” Aelin chuckled. At the go-ahead from the other guard, she exited the building, Con and Archer behind her, and climbed into the waiting, unmarked black cargo van. 

Within ten minutes, they pulled up to the riverfront warehouse where Aelin brought her…special projects. Con and the other guard hopped out first, dragging Archer with them, took the still unconscious pirate into the warehouse, and let Aelin follow at her own sweet pace. 

She took a few minutes to stroll around the property before entering the soundproofed, reinforced steel building, sliding off her hood, and snapping on a pair of black latex gloves. “Thanks, boys.” 

“No problem.” Con and the other guard melted into the shadows at the edges of the warehouse. 

Aelin nudged the light switch in the cement floor with one boot. Bright, fluorescent industrial floodlights illuminated the space, the sudden barrage of brightness rousing Archer from his temporary sleep. 

“Wh-what– fuck!” He squirmed and struggled to no avail. Connall Moonbeam was ex-Navy, and he knew how to tie a solid knot. 

“Take a good, long look around, pirate,” Aelin drawled. “This is where every Kingsflame delivery goes before it gets distributed. Maybe next time you’ll use that little brain cell of yours and hit a warehouse–oh wait, there won’t be a next time.” 

Archer babbled incoherently, sweat beading across his frantic face. “I-I-I’ll tell you everything, Boss, I swear, j-just lemme talk!” 

“Go ahead.” Aelin sat down on the rolling stool beside the X-shaped steel support beams to which Archer was tied and folded her gloved hands in her lap. “I’m listening, pirate.” 

“It–it wasn’t supposed to be discovered this fast,” Arched admitted, his nervous eyes darting rapidly between Aelin’s casual, relaxed posture and the covered tray of weapons sitting just to her left, within easy reach. “I thought we’d have at least a week or two before you discovered the missing shipment, Boss.” 

“Because I’m a woman?”

“Because it was only one of a convoy.” 

“Smart answer.” Aelin let the silence drag out long enough for Archer to start squirming. “Why did you pick Tern?” 

“Wh-what?” The question had caught Archer off guard. 

“You heard me.” Casually, she pulled the cover partially off the tray, revealing the polished black handles of her favorite set of surgical-grade steel knives. 

He gulped. “He…he was the right person for this job.” 

“Tern is–well, was– a dimwitted piece of shit who never had an original thought in his life.”

“ Bitch ,” Archer hissed. “Tern is– ahh!” His vitriolic rant cut off into a yell as Aelin picked up a slender stiletto knife and slashed it across his tricep in a single, swift, fluid motion. “ Fuck you,” he groaned, hissing at the sting of the shallow wound. 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m disappointed, pirate. That was barely a scratch and you’re already crying like the whiny little pussy I always knew you were.” 

“Fucking cu– ” His curse shifted to a wordless yell as a brass-knuckled fist thudded into his side. 

“Watch your worthless mouth,” Con grunted. With a short, tight nod to Aelin, he stepped back to the side of the warehouse, keeping his fierce dark glare trained on Archer. 

“So you let your thugs do the real dirty work?” Archer sneered. God, the man just didn’t know when to shut the hell up, did he? 

“Sometimes it’s more efficient.” Aelin shrugged. “Other times, it’s just a warm-up.” 

“Wh-wha… aarrrgghhhh!” Surgical-grade steel sharp enough to cut silk split open the skin of his pectoral easily, leaving a crimson chasm in its wake. 

Aelin’s face remained placid as she dragged the slender blade down his chest, stopping just above the faint ridges of his abdominal muscles. “So where’d that Kingsflame ship go, Finn?” 

“I don’t…fucking…know,” he grunted. 

“I can smell the bullshit.” Clink . The knife clattered to the cement floor, and she strolled over to the tray of tools, danced her gloved fingers over the array, and selected a pair of needle-nose pliers. “Try again.” She placed the pliers over his left thumbnail and applied just a smidge of pressure. “Where’s my shipment, Finn?” 

“B-bu-but-it was a storm!” 

She clicked her tongue. “Incentive it is, then.” Her hand twitched. Archer screamed. A bloodied thumbnail dropped to the floor with a faint little scratch of sound. 

Archer panted, sweat beading on his forehead. “I-I’m not responsible for the shit that happens at sea, Boss .” 

The pliers glinted in the industrial lighting. Another fingernail dropped. “You’re responsible for this shit,” she returned, as casually as if they were sitting down over coffee. 

“No…I’m… fucking not ahhhh!” Crack . The pliers locked around the first joint of his finger and twisted, and his finger bone shattered. 

“Try again.” 

“ Bitch ,” Archer groaned. “You already know it was Tern.” His words were thick with the effort it took to speak through the pain. 

“Indeed I do, but that isn’t an answer.” Crack . Another finger shattered. 

Archer screamed. “It–I–it’s…” He heaved a breath. “It’s two days away!” The words came out a jumbled rush of desperate breath. 

“Hmm?” Aelin paused and raised a brow. 

“It’s. Two. Days. Away.” He heaved another deep breath, his frantic eyes glancing back and forth between the tray of weapons, the bloodied pliers, and his mangled fingers. “The ship. Tern told me just this afternoon.” 

“Isn’t that good to know,” she crooned. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” 

“Fuck you,” he snarled. 

Crack . With a swift jerk of her wrist, she snapped his wrist. He screamed, thrashing against the tightly fastened knots, and she shook her head. “So predictable.” 

His eyes narrowed. “Wasn’t fuckin’ predictable when Tern stole your little ship, was it, Boss? ” 

“Was it predictable that your little weasel would steal my ship? Yes, indeed it was.” She tossed the pliers to the floor and lifted a tapered, serrated hunting knife off the tray, twirling it. “Now you answer me this, pirate. Was it predictable when my man on that ship stirred the crew to mutiny, slit your little weasel’s throat, pitched him overboard, and brought my ship into the docks yesterday, three days ahead of schedule?” 

Archer’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, then narrowed back to rage-filled slits. “You fucking whore!” he yelled. 

“Naughty word,” she chided. With a wet ripping sound, she plunged the knife into his inner thigh, deftly avoiding the major veins and arteries, and dragged it upwards. 

He howled , struggling in vain against the ropes. “S-stop! I’ll tell!” 

“Will you now?” She paused but left the knife in his leg. “Please speak, pirate.” 

He gasped for breath, sweat trickling down his contorted face. “I…ordered…the theft,” he panted, his words slurred. “Knew I could…sell it…same market, more profit.” 

Aelin clicked her tongue. “Again, predictable.” She tipped her head sideways. “How much more percent profit?” 

“Hun–hundred percent, 150 percent. I was– aaarrrggggghh!” He howled as she pushed the knife deeper, severing muscle and tendon tissue. 

“You men and your money,” she scoffed. “But you’ve been so helpful, so tell me one more thing, Archer Finn.” 

He gulped through his moans and groans. Battered though he was from being slung around during the transit to the warehouse and despite the bleeding slashes on his body, he tried to steel himself. “The hell is it?” 

“Why did you run to the cops?” 

He froze. “Wh-what?” 

At Aelin’s nod, Con came over and pulled up a video on his phone–security camera footage from earlier that day. In the mostly-clear footage, Archer strolled boldly into the Orynth Police Department’s main headquarters, went into an office labeled Cpt. Westfall , and came out a handful of minutes later looking smug. Cn foast-forwarded through the video until an hour or so later, when a pair of cops left the station, walked around the side of the building, met Archer, and spoke briefly before heading down the street. 

“Roughly thirty minutes later,” Aelin narrated, “that pair of cops discovered a crate of Kingsflame product in an old, unmarked warehouse in the shipyards, confiscated it, and patted themselves on the back for a job well done. I salute your work, pirate, but you really need to try harder.”

Archer’s face was a sickening shade of pale bordering on green. He wheezed. “B- bitch.”

“So predictable.” 

Bang . 

Out of nowhere, the gunshot ricocheted through the soundproofed warehouse. Archer’s lifeless form pitched forwards, a small crimson hole appearing in his forehead. 

Con raised his eyebrows. “That easy, Boss?” 

Aelin shrugged. “As if the piece of shit was going to say anything I didn’t already know.” She blew out a short breath. “Give me twenty, Con?” 

“Sure.” He set a timer for twenty minutes, and along with the other guard, they waited and watched. 

When the timer went off, Aelin picked up yet another blade–a dagger, its edge smooth and honed razor-sharp–yanked Archer’s drooping head back by the hair, and slashed his throat from right to left. 

“Y’know he’s already dead, Boss,” Con drawled. 

“And now I’m satisfied,” Aelin returned. She picked up her tools. “Would you boys mind taking care of that? Leave the fingernails, though, I’ll use them.” 

“Concerning,” Con murmured. 

“Oh, shut it,” she snickered. Leaving the two guards to their job, she carefully lifted the two bloody fingernails off the floor and carried them to the side of the room with the used tools. 

She dumped the tools in the big steel sink, filled it partially with hot water, and used the hot running water to rinse the nails clean. Then she tucked them into a little plastic evidence bag, sealed it, set it aside, cleaned and sterilized her tools, and headed for the far door. She had a stop to make before heading home, and Con would text her when they were done. 

An hour and a half later, Aelin slipped in the private back entrance of her downtown building, called the elevator that went directly to the top three floors, and took it up to her apartment. She all but stumbled into her home, locked the door behind her, dropped her purse and backpack on the floor, and dropped down onto the sofa, exhausted but filled with glee all at once. 

The note had been a nice finishing touch, she thought. It was simple, sweet, direct, and yet cryptic enough that the idiots down at PD would be scratching their heads for days. 

A gift from the shadows–the ones that get bigger and badder at night. 

She’d give almost anything to be able to see Rowan’s reaction when that keen little mind of his made the connections and realized his murderer had struck again, leaving behind nothing but two clean fingernails in a plastic evidence bag.

~~~

TAGS: please lmk if you want to be added/removed :)

@live-the-fangirl-life

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@rowanaelinn

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@llyncooljones

@silentquartz

@sunshinebingo

@hiimheresworld

[filthyfluffyfantasies]

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . DL;DR - this fic is not meant for anyone under the age of 18 as it contains the following: a/b/o dynamics - and writer's personal twists on werewolf lore/ the concept, shitty parents who lock their clueless daughters up in a bedroom because they think it'll stop everything that's going to happen, a mother figure reminiscent of Margaret White -the 1978 version, swearing, reader is locked in her bedroom, sneaking out and being 'rescued' by billy hargrove, an ooc/good side of billy hargrove. this one is also kind of tame.. but a little weird, imo. just protecting my own ass with the warning up here because some people see a/b/o on a piece and lose their entire goddamn minds over it. writer does not give permission for her works to be reposted, with or without permission. ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

prompt - a/b/o ( bonus ficlet; pt 2 of 3 )

character | fandom - werewolf!alpha billy hargrove | stranger things

reader | original character - female reader, clueless!omega reader & non -or vague, description.

words - roughly 4.2k

tagging -< taglist here >

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 . you find yourself in the throes of heat, clueless as to what's happening to you, with your mother flipping out. enter billy hargrove rushing in to the rescue.. it's only right to thank him with a makeout in the Camaro, right? ✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

When heat fever hits an Omega, it’s hard and it’s fast. When it hit you, thanks to being blissfully unaware of the whole Alpha/Omega and werewolves do exist and everything that goes along with, you’re blind-sided.

First it’s the unbearable body heat. It feels like you’re sitting in a volcano’s lava stream and someone’s siphoned out all your blood, replacing it with scorching lava. This, of course, was put down to a cold. Maybe a bug that’s gone around a time or two already this month. Either way, you plopped yourself in an icy bath because you’re determined already, nothing is going to spoil your plans for the night.

Then it’s the jittery shakes. As you’re trying to fix your hair and do your makeup to get ready to go, the shakes hit and it’s so bad that you smear cherry colored lipstick outside the outline of your lips. And you have to re-do your mascara at least three times, by the time you get the shakes to subside just a little, you’re into the third phase.

Your entire body tenses. Everything, from your gums to the soles of your feet hurt. It feels like you’re being pricked with a thousand tiny needles and stabbed by a million little knives. This happens at the dinner table, because of course it does.

But then there’s a sharp sting. You drop the fork in your hand and clutch your opposite wrist against your body. Your mother is looking on in concern. Fear making her eyes wide.

And since she’s been drinking for about three hours by this point, the accusations start to flow. Instead of motherly concern, you get accused of being a little slut with some big, strong Alpha boy all day. She even threatens to call the school and make sure you were there all day long.

❝ Gee thanks, ma..❞ you sass, ❝ I feel like I’m dying and you blame it on your weird hangups about sex and boys..❞ you roll your eyes as your mother paces the dining room, a hand in her hair, mumbling about how this wasn’t supposed to happen to you, this gene was supposed to be completely out of the family line by now.

❝ When you’re done being weird, I’m getting dressed to go out with Bethy and Sean. I promised I’d take them trick or treating before my movie.. Since you can’t seem to find it in yourself to be a normal mom just one night..❞ you rush out of the dining room to go upstairs and throw on a pair of jeans.

You’re halfway up the stairs when your mother catches up to you, pushing you into your own bedroom at the top of the stairs as she locks the door from the outside and tells you that it’s for your own good. ❝ I'll not have you become a sex-addicted wolf whore. Not in this house.❞ she calls through, ❝ You'll stay in here until you learn to ignore these sinful urges.❞

You spend about two and a half hours pounding on the door until you're too exhausted to continue. ❝ Please, ma. Please open the door, I'll be good, I swear.❞ your voice dies away and you flop down onto your bed, taking several shaky breaths as you stare up at the ceiling.

You pull yourself up from where you'd flopped onto your bed about thirty minutes later and take a few shaky breaths. Your heart is still pounding, this is the first time your mother has resorted to locking you in your bedroom since you were at least 10. It feels like the walls are closing in rapidly until you hear the sound of your younger siblings laughter down below because your bedroom window isn't fully closed.

As soon as you realize you left the window cracked, you start to work at it. And it’s hard because it’s an older window, it likes to stick for absolutely no reason. As you’re doing this, you hear a lone howl.

It’s coming from the thick treeline across your backyard. You turn your attention back to what you’re doing. It wouldn’t be a surprise or anything, you do live near a forest, there are animals in said forest.

That’s the only thing today that’s had a logical explanation. - the thought comes along with another round of searing heat, this time it’s so hot to your body that you’re dizzy. Your mouth is dry.

Then the howl echoes off the night all over again. It’s getting closer.

You pump your fist in victory as you manage to raise the window to your bedroom about halfway. It’s enough for you to fit yourself through. The movie you were  supposed to be meeting your friends to see in town is long forgotten by this point, you’re more focused on not becoming Carrie White to your mother’s Margaret.

You’re about halfway out the window when you hear your name being hissed from the ground below.

It’s Billy.

He’s leaned against the trunk of the tree that houses your little sister’s tire swing. Watching you. ❝ You’re gonna break your fuckin’ neck.❞

❝ It’s better than being here when my mom gets in with the siblings.❞ you hiss, frantic. You drop from your window to the roof of the front porch just now. Billy’s on autopilot. Nothing on his mind but getting here, to you.

❝ Give me a second, goddamn..❞ he crushes out the cigarette he’s half finished with and hurries over, stopping at the side of the wrap-around porch.

To any of the neighbors, this probably just looks like a teenage girl sneaking out to meet her boyfriend. To you, it’s a full-blown panic because your mother flipped out for no good reason earlier.

❝ Jump down. I gotcha.❞ Billy knows this is a terrible idea, if he wants to sever the connection completely, this is the last place he needs to be right now, but.. He’s been bombarded by everything about you and when he could feel you panic all the way across town, he fought like hell but it was a battle he lost, sneaking away from Tina’s stupid party and rushing here. To you.

You eye him warily. Swallowing hard as you squeeze your eyes shut and jump. Strong arms are waiting, there’s never even a split second where it feels as if he’ll drop you. It doesn’t surprise you, you’ve seen him lifting weights in the gym after school. He can lift more than almost all the other boys without even breaking a sweat.

❝ Hey, whoa..❞ you realize what’s going on, the fact that somehow, Billy Hargrove knows exactly where you live without ever asking. You look at him and he grumbles. ❝ What? Is this not what you just spent twenty minutes wishing for, doll? We don’t have time t’ talk right now, alright?❞

And there’s something urgent. Something wild in baby blue eyes. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to be here himself, that he’s here against his own free will. Like he’s not in control of his own decisions.

And you’re not sure why, but your last visit to your grandma at the state home your mother shoved her into, that all comes rushing back. She kept talking about how ‘things aren’t always what they seem to be.’.. Then she started to tell you about your family bloodline being descended from a pack of Omegas… Female werewolves.

What any of it had to do with your latest argument with your mother, you weren’t sure at the time.

But so much of what your beloved grandmother said that day has actually happened since. And she’s always just kind of… known things.

Your mother says she’s crazy, that it’s dementia or something. But given the way your day has been going, you’re starting to wonder.

As you’re cycling through the whole thing in your mind, Billy’s made it to his idling Camaro a block away and he’s opening the passenger door, placing you in the passenger seat. From the backseat, a girl with flame-colored hair speaks up quietly. 

❝ Hey.. I’m Max..❞

You nod. Give her a weak smile. Because the whole episode you were having earlier took a lot out of you and when you jumped down into Billy’s arms a few minutes ago, you were half afraid you wouldn’t make it because your whole body felt boneless. Like rubber or jello.

Billy gets into the Camaro and stomps the gas, the sound of Metallica filling in the thick silence that settles over the three of you. As the Camaro blows past the sign heading into city limits, Billy reaches out to lower the radio.

❝ For fucks sake, stay awake, alright?❞ as he grumbles to himself about this being a really, really bad idea and how he should’ve just ignored what he was hearing -and feeling because of it, because it’s only going to end in tragedy.

Max speaks up quietly. ❝ You don’t have to become him, Billy. How do you know any of that?❞

❝ Because I do, alright!❞ Billy snaps before going quiet. The car spins to a stop at the curb in front of the arcade. Billy nods to Max and Max wordlessly collects her skateboard, rushing out of the car as if hellhounds were on her tail.

This leaves you all alone with Billy.

The boy who has been a constant in your brain lately. The boy who scares you and yet, you feel connected to somehow. The boy you want more than anything but the fact that you want him actually sort of terrifies you.

The Camaro starts to drive away. By the time you’ve managed to totally overthink everything, the Hawkins sign is blowing past all over again. You glance over at him. Studying strong facial features as he drives and makes a point to stare at the road ahead.

You can’t take the silence anymore and you’re just about to say something but Billy beats you to it first. ❝ You don’t have a clue what’s happenin, do ya, doll?❞

You shake your head No at him. He grumbles under his breath as he brings the Camaro to a stop in the gravel parking lot out at the quarry. When Lover’s Lake is too full, this is another popular makeout spot, or so you’ve heard, anyway.

You wouldn’t know personally, the most you’ve ever done with a boy is a little kissing, a lot of heavy petting in the back row at the Hawk. And then your mother fucked all that up by throwing a tantrum when he forgot you warned against stopping by and she lost her entire mind upon answering the door to find said boy standing on your porch. He wouldn’t even look at you the next day and when word got out that your mom was a nutcase, it wasn’t as if any of the boys were lining up after that.

Your heart is racing. Of all the places to take me, you think to yourself, he picks a popular makeout spot. What’s he planning?

Billy coughs abruptly as soon as he catches on to your noisy mind yet again today and this time, he speaks up. ❝ Do y’ have t’ think so damn loud, darling?❞

You jump a little, drawn out of your own noisy thoughts. You give him a blank look and Billy shrugs but he doesn’t bother explaining himself, instead he chooses to remind you that he’s asked you a question. And it’s a question he expects an answer to because that answer is going to help him figure out how in the hell to handle this little situation the two of you find yourselves in at present.

❝ I asked you something, doll. Kinda waitin’ on an answer.❞

He stares at you expectantly as you shift and squirm in his passenger seat, each move of your sexy little body sends that totally unfiltered sweetness in your scent wafting right up his nose. It’s hanging so heavy in the air between you both that he almost feels like he’ll choke on it. And yet, he can’t get enough of it and the sweeter it gets, the harder his cock gets, pushing painfully against the front of tight blue jeans.

It’s so bad that he has to shift in his seat and hope that takes away some of the pressure. When it doesn’t work, he lightly punches the wheel.

You watch him struggling with himself quietly as you try to think of an answer. You don’t have the first clue what’s going on. Beyond the episode earlier and just a few bits and pieces of the ramblings of an old lady with bad dementia, you’re fucked for an answer.

❝ No. Not a single clue.. But my grandma, she kept talking about something big happening to me.. The last time I visited her in the nursing home.❞ you go quiet. Billy rubs his chin thoughtfully. 

At least somebody tried to warn you. Now, he thinks to himself, I need to figure out just how much her grandmother told her, if she believes any of it. ❝ Okay, what’d she tell you?❞ he asks, baby blue eyes settling on you. When you lock eyes with him and see the way his seem to glow in the dim car, you gasp and your jaw drops. Billy acts as if the fact that his eyes glow in the dark is completely and totally normal. 

❝ She kept trying to tell me that I’m the descendant of wolves? And soon, something is gonna happen to me. I think she called it..❞ you fumble around in your brain for the term she used and as you repeat it back to Billy, your whole body starts to burn all over again. ❝ Mating season. Yeah, that’s what she said. But she’s got dementia and she’s always had this weird fixation on wolves and stuff, so..❞ you shrug and fall silent, staring out the windshield of the car.

The orange sunset is starting to fade, the sky is painted with shades of pinks and purples now, hints of a darker inky blue peeking out of the clouds that surround the full moon. Billy’s staring up at the sky too, trying to figure out how to proceed. When he sees you clutch your right wrist against your own body, he reaches out, snatching your arm and pulling it so that he can look.

The second he raises your sleeve, he bites back a groan.

The same marking he saw turning red in the shower this morning is sitting on your wrist, flesh raised and red, angry as if it’s a fresh burn. He bites his bottom lip and when you pull your wrist away, he almost wants to hold onto it for a few seconds.

Just because he’s in the same position as you are right now, body on fire, mind scrambled and jumbled with the biggest portion of your thoughts focused on each other.. In varying sexual situations, he shifts in his seat as he remembers the daydream you were having earlier this morning that he was forced to endure as he sat beside you.

You circle back to his bizarre statement about you thinking too loud. And you’re gaping at him. ❝ When you yelled at me about thinking too loud..❞ you pause as you try to tell yourself this all absolutely has to be some kind of weird fever dream, that’s the only explanation at this point.

Because the only alternative is that your grandmother isn’t crazy like your mother claims. And if that’s the case then that means everything she’s been saying for years about the family bloodline is.. True.

Billy speaks up quietly, ❝ I wasn’t yelling, but anyway.. What about it, doll?❞

❝ You did yell.❞ you’re pouting just a little. Billy snorts in laughter quietly. And then he clears his throat. All he wants to do at this point is get to the bottom of it all. Figure out just how hard it’s going to be to sever this stupid bond his wolf has chosen to make on his behalf without any consent from him at all. You’re picking at a loose thread on the edge of your sleeve and staring down at your own lap intently. Because this is a lot for you to take in.

Not to mention, the longer you’re surrounded by him and his everything, the more you’re tempted to lay down and offer yourself up to him in the backseat of his Camaro. And you sense that this isn’t exactly what he wants. That for whatever reason, he dreads this. He’s been fighting it, if his own noisy thoughts are anything to go by. Then it hits you.. You’ve been thinking you heard him talking to you randomly all day but if he can hear you thinking it’d make sense that the same can be said for you.. Right?

❝ Fine, whatever. Look, can we just get back on fuckin track here?❞ Billy asks as he takes a cigarette and lights it up. He offers you the pack and you take one for yourself. He leans into you and naturally, it’s way too close. Close enough that the tips of your noses brush and when this happens, that woozy feeling is back. And so is the searing fire that’s been running through your veins all night.

You sway just a little and swallow down a lump because your throat’s all dry and it’s bothering you. Billy speaks up quietly. ❝ Shit. Fuck. I was hopin’ this wouldn’t fuckin happen, darling..❞ as he shifts in his seat all over again and stares at you.

He’s losing this fight too, all restraint has flown right out the window with the dying embers of the cigarette he’s just finished off. You bite back a whine as you feel yourself starting to spin out of control and you find yourself leaning into him just a little too close for the second time in a day, just like you were in class earlier.

Billy grips your upper arms and stares into your eyes. He hasn’t even touched you and there’s this fucked-out glow in them, lust blotting out your irises. He knows you’re dripping by now, this has him almost drooling because the scent of you is entirely too sweet to resist a second longer. 

You speak up, a tiny and wavering voice. ❝ You were hoping what wouldn’t happen, hm?❞

He chuckles. It’s a dark and dangerous sound. Rather than be completely crass about it, he grabs hold of your wrist and places your palm up against the way his cock is so hard it’s about to burst straight through his jeans. You shiver and whine because feeling how hard he is only makes the flood between your own thighs so much worse. You’ve been wet all day, no thanks to him.

❝ Do you get it now, doll? I shouldn’t be here with you right now.❞ Billy trails off, thumping his cigarette pack against the wheel just so that he has something else to focus on for a second or two. After a long pause, he looks over at you again. You’re staring at him, waiting on him to finish saying what he’d been about to say. ❝ It’s dangerous for both of us, alright?❞

This answer isn’t satisfying enough for you. ❝ Wait.. w-what do you mean dangerous, Billy?❞ your voice wavers. He can smell the fear the exact second it creeps into your scent. He sighs and shakes his head. Mumbles something about you, asking for it with all your fucking questions and then he looks at you and leans in closer. That predatory and hungry gleam is in his eyes again and they’re glowing an even brighter blue that’s almost as hypnotic as the waves in an ocean on a calm day.

❝ I wanna fuck you til I’m empty, you're so full of me it drips outta you and you can’t remember anybody else’s name but mine. I wanna bite that pretty little neck, leave my mark behind so shit like what Jason Carver tried t’ pull earlier doesn’t happen t’ you again. But see, here’s the thing..❞ he rubs his forehead. He’s regretting the keg stands right now. And the entire bottle of Wild Turkey he managed to consume just hoping he’d numb himself enough that he wouldn’t hear you anymore in his head. He wouldn’t smell you, ready and waiting. Ripe for the picking.

❝ If I do any of this, doll.. It’s only gonna destroy both our lives.. I'm a bastard, you'll realize it sooner or later.❞ he exhales a plume of smoke into the air after lighting another cigarette. There’s angst in his voice, it’s almost as if he wishes what he’s just said wasn’t true at all.

And you’re wondering where he gets that idea from to start with. Because the more you stop and think about it, the only thing that’s kept you fighting your own pull to him has been every bullshit belief your mother drilled into your own head.

To be fair.. Grandma said Mom wanted no part of any of it when she was my age. Said she even turned her back on the whole thing and purposely got knocked up with me then left town. She was hoping she’d breed out the family bloodline. That worked so well, thanks Ma. - the thought has you sitting there, slowly coming to terms with it all.

And maybe that’s what prompts you to speak up, placing a hand on his thigh as you stare at him intently. ❝ Why? Are you not even a little curious, Billy?❞ you’re leaning in closer and you’re not sure why you do it, but you push your hair away from the right side of your neck. Billy rubs his chin and coughs, shifting around in his seat all over again. Offering up your neck to him like this is definitely not a smart move on your part and yet.. Here you are, doing it.

❝ You’re in heat, you’re not thinkin, doll.❞

❝ Oh trust me, Billy.. This is the first thing I’ve actually thought out completely in a really long time. Don’t I get a say in what I want?❞ you frown just a little, ask in a quieter tone, ❝ Somebody’s gotta take care of you, Billy. And maybe all the fighting this off I’ve been doing is just tiresome.. Unless you’re trying to say you don’t want this to happen and you’re the one who wants to reject it.❞ you pause, searching baby blue eyes for any sign that might be the case.

Billy chuckles to himself and decides that he’s about to call your bluff. He leans into you and just barely drags his teeth over the soft skin at the base of your neck. His nose buries there next and he inhales deep. ❝ It’s kinda fucked up, y’know.. You pickin me. Don’t you know how scary I am, doll?❞ he mutters, breath hot against your skin. Your own breath hangs in your throat and you whine out as your hands find purchase in the fabric of his red shirt.

❝ All I know is that I trust you. And I want you and damn it, I’m sick and tired of fighting it, Billy..❞ you mutter as another intense wave of heat -pain along with it this time, sends you into him, seeking comfort.

Billy’s breath catches and he awkwardly wraps his arms around you, letting you melt into him completely. When he can feel you calming down a little, he pulls away to stare down at you.

And he knows he’s irrevocably fucked because there’s no way he was ever going to keep fighting it off. He was doomed to lose the fight all along. He doesn’t like losing but in this case, considering the prize he might have even if it’s just a little while before he somehow fucks it all up, he’s not really sure it’s a bad thing this time around.

❝ Careful what you’re askin for, princess. This is kind of permanent. Because I’m not gonna let you go so easy once I take you for myself, doll.❞

There’s supposed to be menace in his words, it’s supposed to be a threat and you’re well aware of it. But there’s also comfort in them. He’s protected you on more than one occasion. You feel safer with him than you’ve ever felt with anyone. There’s calm. You’re not chasing your next thrill when you’re all preoccupied with thoughts or dreams of him.

❝ I-I don’t care. It’s what I want, Billy. Are you seriously going to deny me? I thought you were a red-hot stud, Hargrove, what’s with the fight you’re putting up, hm?❞

He bites back a groan as your palm settles against the way he’s strained at his jeans all over again. When you ghost it over the bulge, he bucks himself up into you and a helpless, needy sound wrenches it’s way free from the depths of his chest. You’re whining quietly, you’ve given up the battle with restraint. You’re ignoring that pesky little inner voice that keeps insisting that he’s scary, that you’ve seen his mean streak at work before and you shouldn’t be doing this. You’re ignoring them in favor of the other side to it, the one that insists this is right. This is exactly what has to happen.

As your free hand clasps against the back of his neck and your fingers tangle in the curls of his mullet, his hand slips up the front of your shirt and you moan as he squeezes your tits and growls against your partially open mouth. ❝ You don’t have a clue what you’re getting yourself into, darling.❞ he mutters as his tongue parts your lips and drags over your own tongue. Thick digits dig into your hips and tangle in your hair, pulling at it as he deepens the kiss and maintains total control. His heart is about to beat right out of his chest and you feel it as you melt against him…

[sinisterexaggerator]

I am not sure why I never posted this to tumblr.

Michael De Santa x Trevor Philips.

Summary: It is nearing the anniversary of Michael's "death" though he never died. Trevor is drunk, lonely, reminiscing on his life, on his lost time ... and on his unrequited love. He goes to Michael to beg forgiveness for his many sins, though his apology turns into something more ... tangible.

Warnings: Trikey. NSFW / 18+ Blowjobs. Smut. Angst. Cheating. Drunkenness. Lust. Unrequited Love. Pining. Kissing.

Word count: 2,770

----------

It should have been me.

The Unicorn was lackluster; Trevor was on his twelfth beer of the evening; the bartender couldn’t cut him off, it was his establishment. He felt especially low this time of year. It was close to his best friend’s deathiversary, though not really. Michael hadn’t died, he was still alive, and it unnerved Trevor to no end.

A whole decade had come and gone; came and went, and T was worse for wear because of it. He had succumbed to drugs and alcohol, to smoking cigarettes and meth. He’d pop pills, deep dive into his subconscious on peyote, snort cocaine and pharmaceuticals, even heroine. Acid, mushrooms, Adderall, MDMA; ecstasy, but nothing filled the gaping hole - his soul was empty, and his heart had broken into tiny pieces long ago.

He was purposely reckless, feckless when it came to Michael; he was his weakness, though he tried to hide it behind an open, festering sore that resided deep in his center - behind snark and sass, snide remarks that were meant to injure, words full of acidity and retribution, yet they never quite expressed what he was truly feeling. It was nearly too much to bear – especially on days like today, nights like this, his resentment melting into feelings of inadequacy and total, all-consuming self-hatred of himself.

He threw the bottle in his hand against the wall, scaring the poor woman who worked behind the bar; he tossed her a fifty-dollar bill and left; he wasn’t so cheap he wouldn’t tip, even if she was employed by him.

He searched out his keys in his tight-assed hipster jeans, stumbling through the front door and past his bouncer. The man side-eyed him, cleared his throat, meaning to ask him if he meant to drive like that, but Trevor’s wrath was second nature, incomparable to many; if he died, so be it. It was no skin off his back.

T started the Bodhi within two turns of the ignition, cursing out “Start you piece of shit!” and the truck obeyed as if afraid to incur his hatred; if inanimate objects could talk, the Canis would have many a story to tell a listening ear.

It purred to life and Trevor sat there, breathing deeply, trying to regain some sort of focus or equilibrium. It wasn’t working. He felt … sad. Depressed. Venomous. All those missed years, those long days and even longer nights. He had cried, and cried, and cried … and that’s what he felt like doing now.

Trevor burst into tears, then he floored the gas. Swerving, speeding through redlights, green ones, skirting pedestrians, and even a few cops. They couldn’t keep up with him. He was drunk, but an expert driver; he had to be to make quick getaways. He led them through the streets of Strawberry until he made the trek to Rockford Hills; Michael’s lair, his secret hideaway, going by the name De Santa even though he didn’t have anyone to hide from anymore.

The driveway was empty, save Michael’s car; he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think his wife and kids were home. Maybe he was watching movies, eating popcorn, reciting cheesy lines written by his hero, Solomon. Whatever he was doing, he was about to get interrupted, as Trevor had a few things to get off his chest, and now was as good a time as any.

He parked around a corner, out of sight, just in case. One could never be too careful. He was coherent enough to take precautions, though only for Michael's sake.

He stumbled out of the Canis, lumbering forward, nearly falling, sobbing silently, trying to calm himself as he approached the wrought iron gate. It parted for him as if by magic; he didn’t wait, he slipped right in through the smallest crack as soon as it had opened wide enough; Trevor’s boots dragging as he tried to rub his eyes, the pain away, but he knew it was here to stay; the alcohol only made it worse.

He softly knocked at first, not knowing what he was doing, just knowing he had to talk to M; to him, the man he had fallen in love with at first sight all those years ago on a little runway somewhere up north; they’d shared a moment, or at least he thought they had.

His knocking become a fervid, ardent banging, though he didn’t mean to come off as desperate. His emotions were tied up within the sound, but suddenly his fist met air, nearly met with Michael’s chest, and he gasped as he was brought face-to-face with him.

He couldn’t help it - he was handsome, so ruggedly good-looking in his middle-age, charming, witty, and Trevor wished that he were his.

T fell upon his knees, clasping; grasping Michael’s waist and doing what he did best; beg for forgiveness – soak him in his tears. He sobbed without reservation, dirty, broken nails digging into Michael’s khaki shorts. He must have been relaxing, as he was dressed casual enough, though now he was all worked up.

“What the hell, T?!” He tried to move away, pull himself from Trevor’s steadfast grasp, put he was too powerful, his sadness giving him more strength somehow; tenfold what it sometimes was; Michael would know this from experience.

The man wouldn’t stop his heartfelt display, and Michael was worried the neighbors might hear him, jostling his legs beneath T’s iron grip, though he wasn’t going anywhere.

Trevor just kept on crying, the salty remnants leaking down his scarred and battered face, coating Michael’s clothes as he tried to pry his fingers loose.

“Trevor!!!” he finally yelled, loud enough for T’s breath to hitch inside his throat, glancing up at him with two sorrowful, reproachful eyes as the man asked him in his harshest, heavy-handed tone. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Trevor nearly choked, his words catching, his voice at a loss at first, but Michael deserved an answer, even in his drunken stupor, and he said the first thing that came to mind; the truth. It was too easy. “I don’t care that you tried to kill me, M. I love you; I always have. I just wish you loved me, too.”

“W-what?” Michael became quickly flustered, caught off guard, a small hint of a blush tingeing his cheeks red. Of all the things he had expected him to say, that wasn’t one of them; far from it.

“It should have been me, not Brad. I should be dead. I wish it was me instead.” Trevor had shoved his forehead into the waistband of Michael’s shorts, his breathing hard and heavy as he began to sink down further onto the ground, lost in the tempest that was his irksome thoughts. In doing so, Trevor’s cheek lightly brushed against the soft mound of Michael’s cock beneath his clothes; it was unintentional, but it stirred within him something else; he felt desirous, even though he felt like dying.

“Trevor…” Michael paused, thinking hard, feeling guilty, and nearly jumping at the unexpected touch, the perception of his face raking against him. He thought it had been an accident, pushing it from his mind, a deep remorse overtaking him as he looked down at the top of Trevor’s balding head.

“… Don’t say that.” He let his instincts take over for a moment; T was sad. Most people would want to be comforted. He placed a hand softly atop his crown, just to rest there. That was all it took.

“I’m so… I’m fucking awful! I’m rotten. I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve to live … Mikey … I’m so sorry. For everything.” Any attention that Michael gave him was lapped up like water by a thirsty dog; he leaned into his hand, his groin, and pressed his teeth against him. He latched onto the flaccid outline that lay in wait, sinking in his canines, his incisors, gently, awakening something there, as the silhouette began to ripen and get hard - just slightly.

“Mm-Mikey … Is … Amanda home?” he mumbled out, halfway to a moan.

The question threw him through a loop, but not as much as Trevor’s mouth, he was shocked he hadn’t waited for his answer; his fly was down.

Trevor nuzzled his nose against Michael’s blue and white striped boxers, continuing his impromptu mission, the whole of his mouth encircling his limp phallus through the thin, cotton fabric, as the beige flaps of his cargo shorts were pushed to either side.

The button remained intact as he groaned against him, Michael now partially hard, if not more than that, and Trevor was himself - those jeans of his not leaving anything to the imagination if Michael had been looking.

“Just… how drunk are you?!” What could he be thinking?! What was going on inside his head?! He thought to push him off; his fingers reaching out to grasp his shoulder blades. His nails dug in as he only half-heartedly tried to remove the man from his pursuit. “Trevor … we’re … outside for Christ’s sake… Someone’s going to see us!” He was most definitely concerned - for his reputation, the neighbors. He didn’t want to be talked about.

Trevor’s eyes rose to meet his and he suddenly released him. Michael backed away into the open doorway, nearly stumbling into his own foyer, as he caught the look of ardor held within his “best friend’s” gaze. It somewhat scared him.

Michael outstretched one wavering hand as if to ward off Trevor’s ardency, his fervent lustfulness; the drugs, the alcohol having sent him to a place of no return where his mind was overcome with passion, a zealous appetite for Michael, one that he felt he couldn’t stop nor was he sure he wanted to. “T … W-what are you doing…”

The man crawled forward on all fours, never having gotten up from his pliant position, offering himself in supplication; wanting to make up for all the years of abuse and mistreatment he had endured at Trevor’s brashness, his loudmouth, his forceful will, wanting to rob and kill despite M wanting to be a family man. He regretted pushing him far enough that he thought he had no way out, thinking perhaps a physical act of appreciation would be more than enough to show him he meant business; he had always loved him - he had said it.

His fingers clawed for purchase against the mixed red brick of Michael’s mansion, dragging his body forward, one knee after the other, his eyes wild, a burning fire dancing in their depths. His tongue dragged across his lips and Michael fell, his back pushed up against the stairwell. He meant to speak, but he was speechless, Trevor’s mouth being the one to exude words instead of his. “Now we’re inside Mikey… no more excuses.”

Trevor’s dirtied hands were at the button of his shorts; he released the clasp and pushed them down his thickset thighs. Michael was aroused, afraid, unsure of everything. He hadn’t been intimate with Trevor since their North Yankton days. If Amanda saw, if Tracey or Jimmy came home … he thought his life flashed before his eyes as his now hard, aching cock entered Trevor’s maw.

“Oh, fuck, T…” was all he could think to say. His eyes rolled back, and then his neck. He was starting to remember. Amanda could never service him like this. She had tried, he had to give her credit, but his wife had never been as good as Trevor at giving head.

Trevor’s writhing muscle licked and slathered Michael’s rigid member, his hand moving to join his efforts as it wound around him. He pumped his cock like it was his own, shoving it as far back as he could stand it, the tip tickling his tonsils, a rough growl issuing forth from out of his larynx. It vibrated against Michael’s swollen flesh, and he thought he might cum any second now. He sucked in a deep breath and muttered out a light command. “Slow. Down.”

Trevor nearly cried again out of sheer joy and neediness; the fact he was allowing him to do this. There was nothing quite like the taste of M’s dick inside his mouth; he had a distinct flavor; one he had sorely missed.

He obliged, steadying his stride. He dug a hand in underneath his quarry and cupped his testicles. He weighed them in his hand like precious diamonds, carefully massaging the sac that held his sperm; the prize he pined for.

His suction became long strokes; his cheeks were hollowing out. There was such power within his jaws that Michael began to thrust. His hips had joined him in a patient dance. The one where Michael’s penis pumped inside his eager throat.

Michael couldn’t help himself; he grasped at his little bit of hair. His fingers snaked through the short, brown locks, clawing, carding, shaking as he felt a familiar tug that started in his bowels and rose up his engorged, blood-filled erection.

“How the fuck are you so… so…” He was going to say “good at this,” but couldn’t manage to get the words out. Instead, his brain recalibrated, trying to straighten himself out – but Trevor was just too persuasive, though he chided and berated him. “You’re such a…a dick…”

Trevor was getting sloppy now, his spit dribbling down his lower lip, sliding down his chin. He hadn’t come up for air, he wouldn’t want to lose his chance. If he even so much as took one millisecond to readjust, Michael might slip away, come to his senses, make him get off of him, when T was the one who wanted to get him off; he would do so before the end of it.

Up and down, back and forth, a perfect rhythm in balance with his jerking hips. Michael succumbed to a sound; it had escaped him; one of being pleased too well, nearly beyond anything he had ever felt from a call girl, a prostitute, his wife, Amanda.

Amanda …

The headlights of a car nearly eluded him, shining through the adjacent windows; Michael almost panicked, but in that moment, he came inside T's mouth. His cum rushed out of him in a torrent, collecting behind Trevor’s parted lips. He watched as the muscles in his throat undulated, guzzling his seed with every flex of Michael’s pulsing cock. He swallowed every bit, excited for it; enthusiastic. He made a loving croon of sorts before Michael scrambled backwards and pulled himself from out of his greedy gullet.

“Trevor!! A-Amanda’s… “

The garage door opened; Trevor heard it. He had been gazing into Michael’s steely blue eyes; they were hypnotizing, but then he faltered - he wouldn’t do that to the man. He had to leave, and fast. But first, a kiss.

He wiped his mouth off with the back of one tattooed hand, gruffly sweeping away the remnants of his meal. He leaned forward, snuck to the highest step that Michael had been propped up against, and planted a long, slow sensation across his lips.

He prodded with his tongue, and he was surprised when Michael allowed it. He let him taste him; it was a tease. He heard the rattling of keys.

Trevor stood and turned, running for the door that was still wide open. He wasn’t thinking, and he had slammed it closed. It made a sound loud enough for his wife to hear, as she came in carrying bags of takeout, staring at her husband who was standing unexpectedly right in front of her, sweaty, perspiring, suspiciously out of breath. And he smelled …

“What the fuck, Michael?!?! Did you have a WHORE in our house??!”

“What?! No! I …"

Amanda threw down what she was carrying and stormed in her leather thigh-high boots to the front of their garish mansion. She threw the door open, and Michael prayed to God in heaven; he was Irish Catholic, after all.

She saw something. He hadn’t waited for the automatic gate. Trevor’s boot disappeared beyond the garden wall and out onto the street.

She sighed, held her breath, took a moment to herself. It was better than a woman, and she knew this much about them. It had never been a secret, and she might never live it down. They had always snuck around.

Amanda faced her husband in the foyer, and he had used a hand to slick his hair back. He looked around nervously and she didn’t say a word. She calmly left the room, and Michael could only expel a haggard breath. His heart was racing, but he was unsure of as to why; was he afraid of his own wife, or how much he had liked it?

[duskianfae]

you can't spell "assassin" without ass, sass and sin

[alvaeris]

Internet Quotes

No more gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss

It’s time for genocide

I like people how I like my tea, in a bag, underwater

First of all, cringe, second of all, red flag

SORRY I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE EARTH SHATTERING PROSTATE ORGASM I JUST GAVE YOUR DAD

My skin is simply the spray paint god choose for me

Manipulate, Mansplain, Male Wife

Twinkie the kinky

Remember that all twink(ie)s deserve a cream filling

I used to be pan, but because of (insert reason here) I am now straighter than your left wall, I know, I live there

Didn’t like that answer, can you do a funnier one

They should also get you a bucket of water to get your partner wet

Send that bitch to god, same day delivery

Life is a journey do you really wanna end it one the pavement

Treat everyone like a serial killer who’s list you don’t wanna be on

Yes bathe the menace, they smell of rain, water, dirt, and the sins of his past. Bathe them they need it

Boot up, bitch

Why is it called boob sweat and not humidtitties

The same reason we all regret the name Worcestershire sauce

Mark my fucking worms

What do teens like?!? Is it memes? Memes about skeletons? Piss? Communism?

Listen up you one lifespan, three dimensional, five sensed skin puppets

Sorry for having great tits and correct opinions on everything as if it’s my fault

Ruin the lives of everyone around you and then die

That is the sound of childhood happening

Wear heelies to escape your feelies

The yassification of Christianity

That’s what 3 am water tastes like

Bite me as hard as you please, and make me see stars. I am yours-

Imagine a burger saying this

Me, as I force a dollar into the self-checkout machine: that’s right…good boy…vore president Washington

Stay fresh cheese bags

Honey is considered raw meat by the FDA

Actually I call it womanipulation. For feminism.

Gaslamp girlboss gatecrash or whatever

I’m learning to person from scratch okay?-

Pride and prejudice

TEENS WANT BEETLES NOT JESUS

The men are being sluts again, nature is healing

SACRÉ BLU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA HON HON HON TIDDIE CROISSANTS

TITS IS TITS

“Which do you prefer, pecs or tits?” Wtf, wtf, hello?? What are you saying to me rn??? Are you serious? Tits are tits. Love is love. Etc. don’t speak to me.

Violence is an art, your body, the louvre

It fucken WIMDY

I am the wind and I’ll rip your head off bitch

I just threw my newborn son into a blender

I am a pocket rocket of sass

I’m ga. Gey. Guay. Boys.

SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH

They were yassified ahead of their time

Forget the man and get something you can rely on, like a taco, or a milkshake

Women rights, women are equal, go to the back of the line

Apple fritter babies

They had their heads so far down when they walked out they were looking at china

You’re so boring you’d put Snorlax into a deeper sleep

I WOULDN’T REMEMBER THIS IF I WERE YOU

Alright you STD spreaders

No more manipulate, mansplain, malewife, it’s time for manslaughter

It tickles the autism in my brain

They beat Jesus with that

None pizza with left beef

Pop a wheelie into heaven

Once a man, now deemed a clown

No more diets, only riots

You really should come with a supply of cheese to match your vintage whine

You are not a clown, you’re the entire circus

There’s those who’ll ride into Hell with you, and those that will drag you back afterwards

The oldest white guy to ever white

Roses are red silent as a mouse your door was unlocked I’m inside your house

Weird hill to die on man, but at least your dead

Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

I’ll scrape- you can scrape…my wood

You will be boiled

We are just tiny vegetables in gods eternal soup

You have room temperature IQ

You sound like how dust tases

Okay but like…can you do that to my ass

Hammed burger :(

And what is the world if not God’s own personal game of Sims

Kinktober, No Nut November, and Destroy Dick December are consecutive, this says something about humans as a whole-

Hnghg…. soup

Take a long walk off a short pier

Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you they don’t laugh either

Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches without bitches

You have two brain cells and each of them are fighting for third place

If you ever do that again, I’ll make you forget what it’s like to eat solid food

I’m gonna shatter you like glass

I’m looking at someone who’s never felt the warmth of their father

Don’t do milk. Go to drugs. Drink school.

To get on your level I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes

SHUT UP YOU’RE INBREAD

Even a worm will turn

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock cause Jill’s real name is Randy

Tip: spice up your panic attack with a harmonica

I mean, Batman couldn’t beat this information out of me but get it ig-

I’ll use my trusty frying pan, as a drying pan

The manager has been dead for 80 years oOoOoOoO next

“ArE yOu CaLlInG mE a LiAr???!?!?” Well I ain’t calling you a TRUTHER

People say we cannot live without love, I think oxygen is more important

Meditate, masturbate, manipulate

Bbg you are soup now!

They’ll be recovering pieces of your body for at least three months. You will be alive for at least two of them :).

Fuckerations

Hellon’t

Why do I have to get pretty for Jesus? I don’t like him like that!

Fatism

I’m gonna fuck your dad and give him a child he actually loves.

You don’t take a shit, the shit takes you

I have never once been submissive. One of the few things I can boast about. I have never even been submissive to a traffic signal.

I alone am the reason shampoo has instructions

I’m like Jesus I rest on Sundays

I’m gonna suck your eyeballs outta your skull

You hard boiled turtle slapper

We are in the timeline god abandoned

It’s hotter than a demon dick in a wool condom

If you stared into Medusa’s eyes she’d kill herself

Next person to talk is getting their nervous system braided

You’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it

He’s got a mouse in his trousers

Everybody mistake make

I fart in your direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊

Thought I’d have some cosmic horror turns out I’m a cosmic whore

I grew this dick for you, you clod

The man who waits, masturbates

Punch me in the back of the frontal lobe until I’m out colder than Bill Cosby’s pong partner

It’s never a war crime the first time

Your life lacks whimsy and your ass is flat

I’d rather play dead at a necrophiliac convention

CURSE OF THE NILE 𓀔𓀇𓀅𓀋𓀡𓀡𓀕𓀠𓀧𓀨𓀣𓀷𓀷𓀿𓀿𓁀𓁶𓁰

𓁴𓁿𓂀𓁾𓁵𓁯𓂞𓂤𓂗𓃃𓂾𓂺𓂹

𓃞𓃙𓃖𓃓𓃕𓃓𓃜𓃘𓃙𓃟𓃛𓃞

𓂺𓃂𓂿𓂺𓃃𓃂𓂛𓂏𓅱𓅥𓅩𓅦

𓅹𓅸𓅳𓅩𓅪𓄭𓄫𓄮𓄬𓄗𓄑𓄌𓃦

𓃧𓃨𓃤𓃟𓃓𓃅𓃁𓂽𓃂𓂊𓁾𓂀𓁽

𓁼𓁠𓁛𓁟𓁦𓁜𓁭𓁡𓀔𓀇𓀅𓀋𓀡𓀡𓀕𓀠𓀧𓀨𓀣

𓀷𓀷𓀿𓀿𓁀𓁶𓁰𓁴𓁿𓂀𓁾𓁵𓁯𓂞𓂤𓂗

𓃃𓂾𓂺𓂹𓃞𓃙𓃖𓃓𓃕𓃓𓃜

𓃘𓃙𓃟𓃛𓃞𓂺𓃂𓂿𓂺𓃃𓃂

𓂛𓂏𓅱𓅥𓅩𓅦𓅹𓅸𓅳𓅩𓅪𓄭𓄫𓄮

𓄬𓄗𓄑𓄌𓃦𓃧𓃨𓃤𓃟𓃓𓃅𓃁

𓂽𓃂𓂊𓁾𓂀𓁽𓁼𓁠𓁛𓁟𓁦𓁜𓁭𓁡𓀔𓀇𓀅

𓀋𓀡𓀡𓀕𓀠𓀧𓀨𓀣𓀷𓀷𓀿𓀿𓁀𓁶𓁰𓁴𓁿

𓂀𓁾𓁵𓁯𓂞𓂤𓂗𓃃𓂾𓂺𓂹𓃞𓃙

𓃖𓃓𓃕𓃓𓃜𓃘𓃙𓃟𓃛𓃞𓂺𓃂

It’s not a crack house its a crack home

_____ is like playing chess with a pigeon. You could be a grandmaster, they’re still going to shit on the board and strut away like they won.

We’ll see who’s sloshing soon!

Being on deaths door just means you got a new neighbor!

Guards! Take this creature to a scary room

Oh my god! Boobs! Hoo ha, love them!

Fun Fact: female Jesters were called “Joculatrix” & therefore male Jesters should be called “Joculator”!

:3

-🌀

what. the. actual fuck. okay firstly WHY ARE HALF OF THEM ABOUT BOOBS??? 😭😭😭😭 secondly which pit of hell did you dig these up from??? thirdly, wow. what is "bbg you are soup now" supposed to mean??? or, "hard boiled turtle slapper".