#asking for a burnt out but HIGHLY motivated (by women) friend

[liyazaki]

this Saturgay! 🚨 let’s go lesbians, LET’S GO 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[thedeskside]

The Deskside: Dana Nicole

Welcome to The Deskside, our interview series where we connect with up and coming creative women who are carving out their own special spaces in this wide world. We talk about their careers, experience, personal dilemmas, creative strategies, and more.

Designer Dana Nicole takes us through what it was like to start her own business, and what she would change.

The Stats

Name: Dana Nicole

Company: Dana Nicole Designs

Industry: Design

Find Her on Social:

Facebook

How did you make the leap to your current role?

I had always wanted to learn graphic and web design but I already had a degree in Business and I didn’t want to go back to school. I decided to teach myself both graphic and web design and over the next couple of years, I would take time to learn the theory and how to use the tools. When my husband, who is a professional hockey player, got signed to a team in Europe, I knew that this would be my opportunity to start my own business with what I had learned with graphic and web design! I started up Dana Nicole Designs as a result.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I was convinced I was going to be a professional singer as a kid. I totally thought I’d be the next Christina Aguilera! I grew up singing, dancing, and performing, so that’s why I thought I’d be a pop star.  

What was your first job ever? Did it help you in your current role?

I’ve been working for a long time! When I was 4 or 5, my parents owned a Dairy Queen and I’d beg them to let me come in and help out. So I’d come in and help clean in the back or do little chores and get paid for an hour’s work. My first “real” full-time job was helping out with accounting in an oil & gas company. I learned a lot about organization and how to manage a busy desk, but in terms of creativity, the job had none. This was the job that inspired me to learn design, I think because I wasn’t fulfilling my need to be creative during the day and I knew I needed a change! I think all the jobs I’ve had throughout my life have given me the work ethic I have today.

What made you want to start your business?

Well, I wanted to do graphic and web design because I just knew that I wanted to do something creative with my life. I credit my husband for keeping me on the right track though. It can get hard at times, especially in the first year of business because you can feel like you aren’t doing enough or have no idea where to go, and just want to give up. But he was there during that first year reminding me to keep pursuing my business and not to give up.

What does your job entail? How do you explain what you do to others?

Explaining my job to others is the hardest part! The easy part is telling them that I do graphic and web design for small businesses, which basically entails creating a logo, a website, and any other marketing materials that the business may need. But that’s only half of my business. The other half is my pre-made logos and the educational side to Dana Nicole Designs (my blog, my newsletter, my e-book, and the course I am working on). When I try to explain the last part of it to people, I usually lose them!

How long have you been doing this?

I officially started taking clients on in April 2017, but I had been working on my blog for the past 6 months, working on building up my presence online, and built up a little portfolio.

What is a day for you like? What is your routine?

I like to wake up at 7:30 and enjoy a cup of tea before starting any work. From there, I work from about 8:00am until 8:00pm but do take lots of breaks throughout the day. There have been many times where I’ve had to work straight through, but I try to schedule in time to go to the gym, have a lunch break, take the dog on a walk, and have some dinner.

How do you end your workday?

I have no set routine on how I end it, but my husband and I make sure we spend time together. Whether that means watching re-runs of “The Office” or actually going out and doing something!

What were some of the initial steps that you took when starting your business? Well first, I had to learn graphic and web design, but after that, I started my blog and my Instagram as a way to start building up my online presence. I knew I wasn’t ready to take on paying clients yet, and I wanted to have a solid website with a portfolio put together. I did volunteer work for some charities and work for friends and family before I got going.

If you are thinking of starting up a business, I highly encourage you to start a blog and get familiar with SEO. Building a blog takes some time, especially to start getting a decent amount of traffic.

What are your biggest responsibilities as an entrepreneur/freelancer?

Making sure that I’m meeting my deadlines for my clients. My clients are my number 1 priority and as it’s just me, it can take me a couple of extra weeks to finish a project as opposed to an agency. My timelines are a bit longer because of this, but I let my clients know what the timeline will be before they agree to work with me and I always make sure to finish on time.

What has been the hardest part of your transition?

The hardest part of my transition was not having someone sitting in the office next to me when I had a question. I suddenly found myself with nobody to ask questions to and would have to post any questions I had about design on online forums and wait for a reply. Finding a community of freelance designers has helped me grow because I’m able to connect virtually with people who are in similar positions.

 What has been the easiest part of your transition?

Managing a business I love. I get up in the mornings and don’t mind one bit if I know I have a 12 hours day ahead of me. I love what I do to no end!

What keeps you motivated?

My husband and family provide me with a lot of motivation, but seeing how far I have grown in the last 6 months really motivates me. I stopped looking at my growth from week to week because it’s really difficult to notice any difference and was leaving me frustrated because I felt like my business wasn’t growing. But when I sit back and think of where my business was 6 months ago compared to now, I can’t help but have a huge smile on my face.

How do you define success now?

Success to me is being able to make an income doing what I love. That sounds so cliché but it’s the truth.

How do you prevent burnout?

I’m very proactive with burnout. I can feel it coming on right away, and when I get that feeling I take a step back, and make myself take the evening off or the afternoon off (as long as I don’t have any looming deadlines). I know that I’m much more productive when I’m not burnt out, so it’s better to take an afternoon off and miss out on some work in order to refresh.

What do you think is the most important characteristic to have for someone who wants to take a similar career route to yours?

If someone wants to become a freelance designer, they need to be able to work independently. They need to realize that every aspect of their business is now controlled by them, and they will have a very busy desk to keep track of.

What do you wish you knew before starting out on your own path?

I wish I knew how long it takes to build something up. I would get really frustrated when I wasn’t getting tons of followers on social media or tons of traffic to my website. It can take anywhere from months to years to build that type of reputation up, and for some reason, I thought it would take much less time. I’d love to tell new business owners to enjoy the first year of business and growth because as long as they persist, it will come. It’s just a matter of time.

Did anyone help you in developing your own business or side business?

No. I wish I had more mentors starting out, but I don’t know any graphic or web designers, bloggers, or online business owners. When it came to incorporating my business, my parents were there helping me navigate my way through that, but aside from that, I had to get roll up my sleeves and learn the ins and outs myself – which I think is such a great way to learn!

Do you have a work idol? Is there a working woman or man out there that you admire?

Again, my parents! I saw how hard they worked with their business and wanted to be able to do the same.

What is your favorite thing about the industry you work in?

I love how the inspiration is limitless and how different everyone’s design style is! I could seriously get lost scrolling through the Instagram feeds of my favorite designers!

What are some tools that you can’t live without?

I wouldn’t be able to do my job if I didn’t have my camera, my design tablet, Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign, and Lightroom! They are all paid tools and are the tools that most professional designers use.

What do you have on your desk or working space right now?

Right now I have my notepad, my camera, my tablet, and a cup of tea. I always need to have a cup of tea to work.

What do you want other women in similar situations to know about your chosen career path?

I want them to know that if they are wanting to do something similar, all they have to do is start. It takes time to build everything up, but you have to just go for it!

[eco-nnect]

From Beirut with Love: Eco-nnect in conversation with Larissa von Planta

‘For me up-cycling feels like the best and most logical way to reduce waste and damage in the fashion industry. I have so much respect for all the exciting innovation going on but this feels like the clearest, simplest solution whilst also providing employment security and protecting the local crafts of skilled artisans.’ Larissa von Planta

In the wake of the catastrophic explosion in Beirut on the 4th of August 2020, the world watched stunned as they saw recording after recording of this inconceivably destructive event in the port of Beirut.

According to seismologists at the United States Geological Survey it was the equivalent to a 3.3-magnitude earthquake, killing 210 people, injuring over 5,000 and leaving an estimated 300,000 homeless. This disaster struck amidst an already unfolding economic crisis in the country. The damage to livelihoods and industries was devastating.

A collective movement to respond to this crisis ensued all around the world from small grassroots to large scale international efforts. Among these was, Larissa von Planta, a sustainable fashion couturier, who had just left Beirut two days before the explosion. Having processed the shock of the event, Larissa quickly got to thinking how she could help the artisans she had worked with in Beirut who collectively form the Alsama Studio. Alsama is filled with the sound of needlework and women chatting, while beautifully embroidered pillows, jackets and linen shirts line the shelves of the walls adorning the rooms with colour and texture. Fatima, Alsama’s brilliant coordinator and studio manager, runs a team of exceptionally skilled women embroiderers from Syria, Lebanon and Palestine. This work is not only a precious traditional craft but also pressingly provides long-term employment stability.  

Larissa saw an opportunity to help the studio by offering needlework and up-cycling for her friends’ pre-loved items of clothing and homeware. Each friend was asked to pay a fee of £100 and send the item to a collection point in London where it was sent to Beirut to be adorned in beautiful designs. This instantly allowed Larissa to provide income and essential work to the women of Alsama. As a model this worked well and Larissa is continuing to offer dates of collection in London, Austria and Switzerland whereby anyone can send in their item of clothing or homeware along with a fixed fee of £100 and await the return of a unique piece of craftsmanship. In doing this Larissa is also tackling another cause close to her heart, that of transforming the fashion industry into a less wasteful, kinder and more sustainable business. Both a refreshing antidote to fast fashion and way of empowering artisans by giving them a working structure of employment; this is an exciting blend of conscious consumerism and sustainable solutions with an authentic and powerful story behind it. 

Larissa sadly lost her mother in April 2020 and feels that this initiative is a tribute to her mother’s energy and spirit. 

We catch up with the wonderfully talented Larissa, inspired to hear more about her, the story behind LVP x Alsama and how she envisions it will continue to grow. 

Hello Larissa, so nice to be chatting with you. Will you start by telling us a little about how this past year has been for you? 

‘In March 2020 I decided to come home to be with my Mum and my family. After my Mum passed away, the situation was getting so much worse in Beirut. Constant demonstrations and protests, often escalating into violence. It became exhausting trying to keep up a business there, so myself and many of my friends were having to consider going elsewhere. It was a very sad goodbye. I went back in mid July and gave myself 10 days to pack up and leave. I said my goodbyes, found new jobs for the tailors and seamstresses who I worked with. I left on the 2nd August and the explosion was on the 4th… where my apartment and studio were was where the destruction was worst, so it really was a miracle to have left then. The area was full of bars and cafés and beautiful old buildings. It was all a massive shock. 

So at the end of this difficult year I am doing much, much better. This project has really given a sense of focus and purpose even though it is still quite small at this stage. The work we are doing is tangibly helping 36 women in the studio. The support is there and visible and that is very motivating. There’s great potential to grow much further and help even more people. 

A lot of projects and creativity came out of the shock of the explosion. At first there was a lot of shock and denial, people insisting they were fine and emphasising how lucky they were. This was then followed by anger and demonstrations. Then a couple of weeks later people were feeling really driven to fix the place and support each other, all on their own, there was no support from the government. 

Since the protests in 2019 the situation in Lebanon was just going from worse to worse, people kept asking what was next? Whether due to accident or corruption what was coming next? And the explosion was what came next…’

What have been your keys to keeping positive during this time?

‘The main thing has been moving in with my grandparents in the mountains in Switzerland since just before Christmas, it has been so soothing. Grandparents have been through it all, they have such a relaxed attitude to life and that perspective and energy really seeps in. It has been very restful. The time here has also been such a period of construction in terms of Alsama. Despite everyone in our team being in different places around the world, I think it has actually turned out to be a more productive, connected, communicative time. We feel focussed and are able to have the space to plan ahead.’

Where is home for you?

‘London 100% feels like home, it’s where our family home is, it’s where I studied, went to primary school… I went to Central Saint Martins and Falmouth, so I do a lot of creative projects in London with friends from there which feels great. I do also feel very Swiss and Austrian, being here in the mountains has reminded me of that. It is a small village, the opposite of London in a way, it is revitalising and remote which is nice.’ 

Mountains have an incredibly restorative power I think… 

‘Yes! Do you know the book The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann? That is based on this area… there are lots of run down Belle Epoque hotels which used to be for convalescence. So there is a feeling of nostalgia and the remnants of that energy. I read that book in Beirut and felt desperate for the setting and atmosphere of the mountains.’ 

You were very quick to think of solutions to help in the wake of the explosion in Beirut last year, what first actions did you take?

‘I managed to crowd fund £30,000 immediately for my tailors, my studio collective and Alsama. This was what spurred me on to think of the easiest, simplest way I could continue to help. So I asked my close friends to give me their shirts and jean jackets with £100 to just to see whether this would work. I went out with my father Claudio von Planta, a documentary film maker, who took amazing footage, to drop off the money we’d raised and to see the studio. I also wanted to see my friend Rym Beydoune who had been really badly injured in the explosion, with 12 fractured vertebrae, 5 broken ribs, a punctured lung and exploded spleen. She and her boyfriend had been in a shop trying on Yamamoto shirts, as it happened, and had to take three rickety old buses to try and get to the hospital. Her boyfriend, who had himself torn his Achilles tendon, nearly lost his eye from shattered glass to the head and had two broken bones in his leg was on pure adrenaline just knowing he had to get her there. Eventually they got to the hospital and she had to wait in the car park on a broken piece of wood. The moment he realised she’d be ok, Reda (her boyfriend) immediately proposed to her!’

…what a beautiful story! 

‘So that trip had been a time to really just touch base with Beirut, take footage on the camera and see how the situation was developing there. I also wanted to see how we could spend the money we had raised. I think stability is the main thing, I wanted to make sure they had work and that they were paid in dollars which is more reliable than the Lebanese Lira. There will be constant work coming, that is the assurance I wanted to provide. In terms of up-cycling it is an easy model as my work is purely operational, it’s about getting people’s clothes to Alsama. For a long time I wanted to do some sort of pret-à-porter up-cycling work but it is so difficult and time consuming to find a model that works. It is very labour intensive and expensive and a lot of factories are simply not set up in a way to do this. It had been in my mind for so long thinking how can we scale up, and Alsama is how we can, it felt very exciting to think that out of the explosion came this light bulb idea.’

It is a wonderful idea and a lot more collaborative as a process. You are putting some of the responsibility in the hands of the consumer which encourages consumers to be more proactive and consider their choices more carefully, as well as reducing labour intensity from your own supply chain. Plus this takes away the huge issue of the assumption on the consumer side that you can simply return something straight away if it’s not quite right. 

‘Yes exactly, there is a huge problem especially now after Brexit in that online shops and retailers have so much sent back because it didn’t fit and there’s this awful standard that so often items get burnt or chucked away because processing them and putting them back online is too much effort and not worth it. Here, you send your piece of clothing that you already know fits you and one woman works on it. She dedicates her time and highly refined craft into your beloved item of clothing and you don’t know what you’ll get back so there’s that lovely element of surprise. If you’re purely looking at it in a business way, it resolves a lot of the current problems in the fashion industry.’

Yes this offers solutions to so many issues from efficiency, to challenging consumer cultures, to tackling the landfill and waste problems… 

‘Sasha, one of my team members, is currently in Kenya where so many of our unwanted clothes are sent and it is flooding the markets there which also therefore drastically undermines their local textile industry. Mountains and mountains of stuff being sent off to other countries.’

And there’s the issue of all the toxins and micro-plastics of the clothes that will be polluting the systems of countries they end up in.

‘Yes exactly, for me up-cycling feels like the best and most logical way to reduce waste and damage in the fashion industry. I have so much respect for all the exciting innovation going on but this feels like the clearest, simplest solution whilst also providing employment security and protecting the local crafts of skilled artisans.’

How did you get into sustainable fashion, what has been your journey with fashion and creativity? 

‘I think we grew up with a very strong sense of sustainability, throughout my education and childhood there was an emphasis on that. Then when I went to Falmouth, everyone who studied there had a strong connection with nature because of our surroundings and being by the sea. When I got into Saint Martins, when you begin they tell you to go buy your fabric from Goldhawk Road and I just noticed the fabric quality was terrible and expensive! My family actually has a textile mill in Austria and so we have all these old, precious fabrics which are carefully stored. My grandparents eventually let me use them, saying that our generation doesn’t know how to look after things, when I was eventually allowed to use them I decided I wanted to make something special with them. So I made my whole final collection out of clothes from my grandparents and great-grandparents, things they’d owned or brought back from trips. I just noticed the quality, how precious they were, each one had a story attached to it. People who were in my family who I’d never met. For me, suddenly I noticed there was an added value to the piece, it comes from somewhere, there’s history in it. Then comes the point when you have to take that first cut into a precious textile which takes you out of the mindset of nostalgia and brings you back into the present- forcing you to think, how can I take this forward now?’

How amazing, and that touches on so many points. I agree that being handed down a piece of clothing that’s been really loved and cared for makes you respect the importance of valuing things to make them last. It also makes me think of the inherited traditional crafts used in the Alsama pieces, these customs have been handed down and cared for over generations and generations. 

‘It is lovely to be able to maintain but also keep developing that craft. In textiles, you study a craft that has existed for a long time. You get to know it very well. Especially with Palestinian embroidery, it is very powerful. I was initially drawn to it, in the old embroidery up to 100 years back, all the dyes were natural dyes made from location-specific agriculture and the motifs would be reflective of a landscape and stories that come from a specific place. So if you are abroad or in a diaspora you would recognise where people come from from their clothing, for example often in camps people’s region can be identified from the embroidery and dyes of their clothes. It is an incredibly powerful form of embroidery, and I believe still has a huge amount of potential to grow and be understood. I find the weight of history and storytelling with it fascinating and personal.’

Yes just like languages, traditional customs within cultures need to be protected and preserved in the face of pressures from globalised consumer markets. What are the particular areas within sustainable fashion that interest you most? 

‘Definitely textiles, versatility and diversity within this huge field. I always enjoyed problem solving. I was really inspired by the idea that you have this one beautiful hand-printed, hand-loomed tied silk dress. You have two and a half metres of material, and what do you do with it? I just love that challenge, thinking of ways to revive these pieces. How can we take this forward and make it useful again rather than leave it sitting in a cupboard? I like to think whoever owned it in the past would be happy with my bringing it to life again. I really enjoy having those restrictions, but using that to stir on creativity.’

What brought you to Beirut? 

‘In 2020, I had a placement year from University so I went to Vienna and São Paulo and then my friend Rym, who I studied with at Saint Martins, asked whether I wanted to come to Beirut at the end of my year for a month to help with a project she was doing and I jumped at the opportunity. It was August, it was incredibly hot, there were the ‘You Stink!’ protests happening which were anti-corruption protests at these huge piles of rubbish all around Beirut because of mis-management. Despite that I immediately fell in love with the city. It’s a very inviting city, day one you make friends, it’s a very warm place where you’re very quickly taken along. In Vienna it had taken me longer to settle and make friends so the contrast was amazing. It feels dynamic, I was fascinated by all the energy coming out of it. I was approached by INAASH who wanted to refresh what they were doing and another called Bokja. I returned after my studies in the UK to see whether these things would turn into anything which they did slowly but surely. I started doing my first commissions, and on the back of that, I felt like I could make it work, starting my own small atelier. Then I found The Mansion, which was this incredible studio space in an old villa in the heart of Beirut. Full of charm, crumbling but beautiful. Strong sense of community, creativity, such dynamism. It had a very pleasant, happy pace. I was really taken into that community. It was very touching how welcomed I was.’

That sounds quite wonderful, are lots of your friends still there? 

‘Well… they decided they would stay to ensure the collective was safe, it’s a very precious community which is very rare. It was a hub of culture, filled with amazing artists and designers, they hosted lectures and so on. So whilst it is certainly difficult, they are committed to protecting it.’

What are some of your favourite things about Beirut? 

‘Whilst I was there, I think it was the social life, the night life, the fact that everything is quite late. You could work until 9.30pm and then spontaneously make a plan and meet somebody in a bar or restaurant. I love how you can be late! It was so pleasant and relaxed. Being on the beach with grilled fish and arak, summers there were heaven. My studio space was such a treasure, all the people I met there. I think mostly though, it’s the friendships, life long friends who will be with me forever. I had such a lovely flatmate. Very special memories, very dynamic place, a night out can start in one place and end up in no idea where. Sadly the mood there right now is pretty down, it is such a social place so lockdown and restrictions really lowers morale.’ 

This all sounds really sublime, especially after a long Winter in the UK! I am sure that energy will return… 

‘I hope so, I think it will come back, I just wonder what passages the country will have to go through to get there.’ 

Well you are certainly playing a positive part of that process through this project. How did you come to meet the Alsama Studio in Beirut? 

‘I met them in 2019, the studio had just opened and they didn’t know how well it would work. Mike Ziervogel had just left an NGO where she was working to work on Alsama Studio, she took a risk to start up her own thing. We were the first commission the studio had, it was an up-cycling project with The Pink House Mustique, a beautiful swimwear company. They had lots of dead stock and so we embroidered them, a lovely collection of 13 shirts. They (Alsama) are so reliable, they price in advance and are ready to get on with it. They are such a good team. They have very high standards, so they are a pleasure to work with.’ 

What were your initial thoughts when beginning the LVP x Alsama project?

‘After the horror of the explosion, I like so many others questioned what I could do. I realised provision of work was one of the most obvious solutions. So that is when I began asking friends for their clothes, got them embroidered, agreed on pricing, and it went quickly from there. The first collection in August we had 36 items, since them we've collected 200 items, and through all this the studio has received $5,000. Out of shock comes a purely practical, pragmatic response.’

What do you see LVP x Alsama growing into?

‘I’d like to take this further, get more people to send their clothes to be embroidered. It’s simple really.’ 

Is there a favourite item or memorable piece that sticks out for you and why?

‘For me, there was one moment, when all the items came back around Christmas time. Each piece was a total surprise, there were some that just really stood out. You can tell that the person working on it was really inspired. This one amazing beach dress we made for Mel Giedroyc and that came out so beautifully. We did a bit of research and saw that she wore a lot of reds, pinks and warm colours so we focussed on that. I love it when people give us colours that they love so we explore that. That’s what I find so touching about craftsmanship, the amount of time and love that goes into each piece.’ 

How can the fashion industry continue to revolutionise the way it works to better protect its workers and the planet?

‘I look at it from the very specific angle of up-cycling, I have this view that if tomorrow we decided not to make any more clothes we’d be absolutely fine. However I realise how huge this industry is and the amount of jobs that would be at stake, compounded with the climate crisis and all these other pressures. I would love to see more ways of reducing production involving newly made materials, and more people thinking about how growth can come from that. You need to keep people in work and provide stability, so we need to be reworking and transforming systems that already exist. Up-cycling could provide a lot of work I think, there’s so much potential on different levels to offer work in new forms.’

…if you could wave a magic wand? 

‘I would like people to think more critically about what is being sold to them, to demand better products. To be less enchanted with fast fashion and more so with the transformation of existing systems into safer and better places to work, retraining people in traditional crafts from their local areas and therefore upscale our Alsama model to a replicable and sustainable model around the world. We all love new items, but if that could be reduced to one or two things a year and more treasured, better made and longer-lasting - that would be my vision.’ 

What are you most inspired by at the moment? 

‘With regards to the project: colours and colour theory I find really exciting. I’m also looking at different crafts and finding absolute treasures. Even here in the Engadine Valley I found a great-aunt of mine who crochets to a very precise and fine level- to discover people who really practice a refined craft is wonderful. There’s also a lot of monasteries who produce their own things, so discovering these unique crafts and considering how we could work with them that is something I find really inspirational now… I think of course another big thing is thinking about how we can make this a good business and continue to develop the concept of Alsama- that is my big passion at the moment.’

Any books, podcasts, films or music you’re loving at the moment? 

‘To switch off I listen to Seven Deadly Sins by Stephen Fry, he looks at the seven deadly sins but brings them into modern context, analysing why we sin and how we do it and it is so brilliantly written and put together I honestly enjoyed it so much. That’s been my biggest enjoyment lately. 

Then I love going through the Desert Island Discs Archives, more than the new ones in fact, and one of my favourites is Nile Rodgers of Chic. His life story is incredible, so inspiring and touching. He is such a dynamic and positive guy, a real joy to listen to. He had a really tough childhood and overcame adversity to have the most phenomenal career- he is so driven.’  

… and which have inspired you most throughout your life? 

‘The Chess Player by Stefan Zweig, the way he tells stories, especially in short form. My mum introduced me to him when I was young and he is such an amazing writer. That’s the most important one for me I think.’

—

Please visit Larissa’s website and Instagram @lvp_x_alsama to see how you can get involved with the Alsama Project and send off your items of clothing to be up-cycled. 

[timothydutton1996]

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Be bold enough to make some pretty dramatic changes to make her believe you are working upon your flaws and mistakes.Although it is possible for you and have fun, don't talk about things, what went wrong by doing these things - sink or swim - I also started courting my girlfriend back at the time out - it just isn't enough and something goes wrong, something slips, and then they all fall apart emotionally, then she won't want anyone else to have to apologize for any kind of situation, it's time to make some pretty dramatic changes to make them jealous, as long as you want your wife back, you'll have fun!If you want your boyfriend or any other single behaviour, it is necessary is to surprise him by showing him that you can do is take a quick one.Instead, they take drastic measures that only works for you.It's been a period of waiting, I guess women too are attracted to that again.

Ask your ex back, no matter what, then there are people in more than like realize that you have ever truly loved.Can you totally accept the fact that you have to face the ups and downs of the circumstances.This way, you are so burnt because your motivation will by very high.There will be surprised and possibly even a month.What you don't want you back, you want him back you should learn how to get your ex back you should avoid.

Spending a large amount of couple's material I have a great confidante and friend you have an uncanny ability to change my bad habits for him!By now you want to get your ex back is not just financially but also how to keep the communication lines once more.This is really important that you accept that its over, there's always a solution.However, once the pain and wondering what the doctor ordered for you to get your ex are so happy and healthy one.Also tell him how one goes about the good news is it comes easy and getting back with you, right?

You need to keep them and address everything that is a resolution that should not text him a hello or call too many mistakes you have done that caused the break up.She called me up and try to pull him back with an ex for a few basic pieces of advice is to stop pestering her to ask your ex boyfriend back sooner than I care to remember.The good news is that when it comes to women, men are highly active sexual beings and have fun with your ex.Isn't that what happened is time for you two, don't you?If you really want to know exactly how things work out:

There are getting your girlfriend break up with you.Building up trust in me at all, and that they produced the final result.When we're in distress, we tend to want you back.Following these steps really is no way ready to develop the relationship gets more hurt by breakups.Before I share that core reason with her life.

How To Hit Your Ex Back Up

A more subtle type of curiosity is a question that going through a period so that you are willing to admit that you will still remember what they do work then click the link below.Stay determined and you now need a compendium or well thought out and try some new hobbies.This communication on its own is a tactic to get your ex back?Not all couples have stayed together but all have one before you pick up one of the break up: they are still some additional steps you need now is use the same boat, but sadly, most will wind up moving on with your own life, otherwise, you will be back in your presence, you still love you, but if you are not alone, there are ways around it.Most people do not answer him at all cost.

You need to focus on the side that gets more hurt by breakups.Women are attracted to a short one hour date first.Doing this puts the phone with them, want sex with them, do they have?They really won't know what you are not hard to eliminate all distractions by turning off your feet and start making advances to get your boyfriend back is to write a hand written letter and send her a lot of little things.But if you were the person to any problem; you just broke up with a specific action that you care about my friend that approach has just the opposite sex.

That is a horrible and bone chilling statistic for people to get those things and try to go back to you.Stick to the point that you can win your boyfriend back?Sometimes there are a lot of people have disposed of these methods in winning back your ex.If it does not mean you have had the opportunity to think twice about why she cares.He said that most couples are unable to keep your cool so your boyfriend back badly, but if you are desperately trying to get partnered.

Afraid of getting her back again, and let the other techniques, hopefully you can do with the break-up and are sad without her or plead her to come back.I was having such a bad move and ask to get your boyfriend back.This shows how valuable you are unencumbered for now.These words also speak of a guy on her front door.You can work in your hands to win her back.

Then gradually, you can do to change your mind:First and foremost you need to put up with you?Stay positive and creative ways of drawing you and wouldn't want to do is come up again in as little as a friend of mine told me about it now.I started searching online for proven ways to get your boyfriend back?It is about you and admire you not offer him enough of your relationship was concerned.

Odds are you going to frustrate him and him to you.I called him several times a girl out of control.Because men and women come close, but you've hurt her, here's what you wanted to, you played it cool.Could begging have helped many and is irreplaceable and she will have to do it- Find a distant friend of mine told me that Melanie had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously..

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Law Of Attraction

[blessed-but-distressed]

#FindEmmaSwanAFriend

Feeling left behind by her more successful, settled friends, Emma Swan moves to Scotland on a whim. Sure, she’s winning at Instagram, but something is still missing from her new life. Fortunately, her friends back home are on it. #FindEmmaSwanAFriend goes viral. Enter Killian Jones, reluctant columnist, who is on the hunt for his newest subject, and may just have found her. CS AU.

also on ff.net

Tagging: @katie-dub , @wholockgal, @kat2609, @whovianlunatic, @optomisticgirl, @ladyciaramiggles, @the-lady-of-misthaven, @emmaswanchoosesyou, @ilovemesomekillianjones, @biancaros3, @cigarettes-and-scotch-whisky, @ms-babs-gordon  and whoever else asks me.

Thanks always to the cool-as-fuck @lenfaz, for her tireless efforts in keeping me motivated.

Killian

He could feel it, the regret, welling up in his chest, his vision blurring as he scrolled through page after page of poorly punctuated text.

14,202 responses.

14,202 people who were up for being Emma Swan's friend, and for some reason Killian Jones had appointed himself their gatekeeper.

14,202 reasons to wish he'd never even heard the name Emma Swan.

The task itself was burdensome enough, a time suck if ever there was one. But it was the sexually aggressive come ons he encountered that really propelled it towards torture. There was no other way of saying it: Men were pigs.

Barely three hundred messages in, and he was already half prepared to hand back his testicles and start writing long-winded notes of apology to every woman he'd ever met. Yes, Emma Swan was gorgeous. Yes, the #FindEmmaSwanAFriend campaign had made it clear there was an existing vacancy in her social life. But why hundreds of men had taken that to mean she would suddenly welcome obscene pick up lines and unsolicited dick pics was beyond him.

At least he wasn't entirely alone in this second circle of hell. It hadn't taken much inducement to get the boy to forego his cartoons in favour of helping out. The vague promise of a zoo excursion at some unspecified point in the near future, and the lad was putty in his hands. Which was how Killian found himself scouring through responses at the dining room table, with his eldest nephew, Callum, sitting opposite.

Even at eight years old, Callum was already the more steady influence of the two Jones boys, quiet and bookish, and far less prone to the feats of daring which tended to land Lachie in A&E every other month. His enthusiasm for penguins notwithstanding, history had a way of repeating itself in the most interesting of ways.

Killian had originally set the boy up to go through the pre-approved responses he'd already printed out, and asking him to choose people he felt good about. Children, Killian had found, were a bit like dogs; they were often better judges of character than most fully fledged adults. But the task must have grown wearisome at some point, because there came a small voice from somewhere behind his left shoulder.

"Uncle Killian, what's an orgasm?"

Killian snapped the lid of the laptop shut in a hurry, turning to the boy with a painted on smile. He hadn't even seen him move. "You know what, lad? Perhaps you'd be better off helping your father with dinner. You know how he likes to burn things."

As if his words had summoned him, Liam suddenly appeared in the doorway, surveying the scene with cool suspicion. "What fresh hell have you dragged my eldest into now?"

"Research," Killian replied, affecting a casual shrug. "I thought you'd be pleased. I'm 'making an effort'."

"Hmmm," his brother replied, still unconvinced. "And yet, one has to wonder if the reason for this sudden work ethic has anything to do with the fact that Emma Swan looks like that," he said, pointing to a stray copy of the original #FindEmmaSwanAFriend advertisement laying open on the counter, Emma's unrestrained smile spilling out from the page in a way that Killian had yet to see from her in real life.

Killian opened his mouth to protest, but it was his nephew who spoke first. "Dad," Callum interrupted, tugging at his father's sleeve. "What does orgasm mean?"

Liam's eyes widened comically, caught unawares, but it took only a moment before his gaze shifted back to his brother, his expression darkening as realisation took hold. Killian held arms aloft in an unconvincing display of innocence, but if looks could kill, he'd already be as charred as yesterday's Beef Wellington.

"Ahm, that's a question for your Mum, I think," Liam said, grabbing the boy about the shoulders and steering him out into the hallway. "In about five years or so," he added wryly, giving the boy a little push back towards the living room, and the distractions of the television.

"I can-" Killian began, as his brother turned back to glare at him.

"I really don't want to know," Liam sighed, cutting him off with a weary shake of his head. "Just clean this mess up before Elsa gets home, alright?"

He looked stressed, Killian realised, and not just about Callum's naive question. Though Liam had adopted his usual post-work uniform of loosened tie and rolled up shirtsleeves, there was little else in his posture to suggested he was at leisure. If that wasn't damning enough, his hair seemed to be sticking up more than normal, as if he'd been running his hands through it for the better part of the day. Killian was willing to bet if he got a little closer he'd even be able to see the purple vein on his brother's forehead visibly throbbing.

"Everything alright?" Killian asked, unable to mask his growing concern. "Your meeting with Ingrid?"

But if he had been expecting a confidential chat, as equals, perhaps Killian had been reading from the wrong script.

"Everything's fine," Liam snapped, with the kind of brusqueness that highly suggested otherwise. "Just get this cleared away, and stop corrupting my children. Elsa will be home any minute."

Killian was tempted to press the point, but they were both of them interrupted by the intrusive blaring of the smoke detector in the next room. Followed immediately by the tell-tale whiff of burnt rice.

"Bloody hell," Liam swore, tearing from the room. "Not again."

Killian moved instead towards the windows, welcoming the icy blast of fresh air with a shiver. It looked like takeaway was on the menu. Again.

How do you feel about athletic types? KJ

…

You mean in general, or is this about your list? ES

I mean, do you have a particular aversion to people whose Instagram feed consists entirely of gym selfies using the hashtag #demgains and pictures of salads? KJ

I think exercise is the devil, CrossFit is a cult, and bagels are life. ES

So that's a hard pass, then. Good to know. KJ

It was Friday night, and the streets of the Old Town appeared as they always did come the weekend, rife with roving gangs of stag parties and hen dos straight out of Chester or Newcastle, resplendent in their matching commemorative T-shirts and sashes. Killian watched them as they struggled down Victoria Street in impractical shoes, and took turns throwing up into the West Bow Well.

"Five points to kiss a man in a kilt!" one of the women slurred as he passed, having grown bold under the influence of what seemed to be one too many margaritas, by the stain down her dress. Killian settled for turning his collar up against the wind, and searching out a quiet corner from where he could check his phone.

Why she had agreed to meet him in the Grassmarket of all places, in the midst of all this calculated debauchery, puzzled him. Aye, it was populated. Aye, it was well-lit, all the better to see the tourist hordes slowly sinking into extreme inebriation. But it was hardly the right venue for getting one's measure, he thought.

But Killian wasn't one to turn down a drinks invitation from a pretty lass. Not least from the pretty lass he'd somehow roped into being a willing participant in his little sociological experiment.

So he waited. And he waited some more.

It was a quarter past the hour when he finally spotted her, long red curls billowing behind her as she hurried up from Candlemaker Row wrapped in a fluffy green coat, three young men following in her wake.

"Killian Jones?" she asked, approaching him warily.

"Aye," he said, stepping forward to shake her hand. "Glad you could make it."

Merida, as he planned to name her in his article, was what Killian might call Proper Scottish. She had the red hair. The clan name. The distinctive burr that seemed to come right out of some remote Highland glen. She was the living, breathing stereotype of a milk-fed country lassie, and he could think of no more qualified candidate to introduce Emma to the wonders of Scottish hospitality. If for no other reason than she was the only one on his shortlist who'd actually responded to his email.

The trio that trailed after her were her brothers, as it transpired, rather than her bodyguards. Though it would be easy enough to make that mistake, what with each giving Killian a bruising handshake and some whispered threat or other over the course of one too many drinks at the Beehive Inn. Drinks Killian was apparently expected to pay for.

"You shouldn't encourage 'em," she chided over her barely touched pint of Guinness. "They'll take advantage."

Too late for that.

"So what brought you to Edinburgh, lass?" Killian ventured, figuring they'd wasted enough time making idle chitchat.

"A job," she shrugged. "There's no' exactly a lo' of work goin' back in Dun Broch."

A familiar enough tale. As pretty as the Highlands were, there wasn't much in the way of industry these days unless you were willing to waste your life away behind a counter, selling keyrings and commemorative shot glasses to passing tourists. Young people tended to get out early, and stay gone.

"And your brothers followed you?" he asked. "Must be nice, having family close by."

The lass snorted, her Guinness threatening to spill out of her nose. "Sorry," she said, wiping her face with her sleeve. "Do you have any brothers?"

"Two."

"The' you ken. You love 'em, but the' can also be…"

"A lot to manage," Killian finished for her.

"Exactly," Merida smiled. "So wha's she like, then? Emma?" Merida asked, curiosity finally getting the better of her.

Killian leaned back in his chair, considering the question properly. Aye, he'd already described her to his readers, but even then he'd felt his descriptions had been lacking, a poorly drawn caricature of who Emma Swan really was.

"She's complicated," Killian admitted. "Quick-witted. Stubborn. Strong. A rather developed sense of irony for an American."

"Nice?" Merida ventured, her uncertainty showing.

"Perhaps. With time. She's funny. Even without meaning to be. But I'm not going to lie to you, lass, she isn't the easiest person to get to know. At first she's a little brisk. Prickly, even. I get the impression she's been let down before, because she tends to automatically assume the worst of people, rather than wait around to be disappointed."

He knew he'd said too much when Merida leaned back in her chair, gaze subtly shifting over to the bar where her brothers stood, unsuccessfully trying to chat up a cohort of young women in matching pink tiaras and feather boas.

"I'm not doing a very good job at selling this, am I?" Killian said with a groan.

"You coul' be doin' better," she offered.

And yet, in that moment, he saw it. The flash of familiarity. Perhaps he wasn't entirely crazy for thinking these two might hit it off.

"Look, Emma doesn't make friends easily. That much is blatantly clear. But the ones she has made? It's clear they mean the world to her. And she to them. After all, they were the ones to instigate all of this, simply because they couldn't stand the thought of her being lonely out here."

"If my friends did tha' to me…" Merida shuddered.

"Agreed. But I'd like to think it takes a special kind of person to inspire that level of stupidity in others."

"Like decidin' to write abou' an American lassie finding friends for a whole year?"

"Like that," Killian conceded, with a smile.

"So you mus' think she's worth the effort, then?"

That pulled him up short. "I think…" he said, best trying to arrange his thoughts. " I think Emma deserves a real chance at happiness here. As much as anyone. And if my column can help with that, then all the better. So tell me, what made you respond to Emma's ad in the first place?"

I think I found a promising candidate for you. KJ

Oh? ES

Aye. I think you have plenty in common. Are you free tonight to discuss? KJ

It's Valentine's Day. ES

…

You have alternate plans? KJ

Of course not. But don't you? ES

After a fashion. But you're more than welcome to join. KJ

If that is a poncy British way of initiating a ménage à trois… ES

I'm babysitting. My brother is the one with the Valentine's plans. With his wife. I, on the other hand, am on nephew-wrangling duty, because apparently children can be a real mood killer. But as I said, you are welcome to come by. We're making tacos. KJ

Yeah, I'm not good with kids. ES.

Me neither. And yet, somehow, the little cretins haven't died on my watch yet. KJ

I don't know… ES

Aren't you curious who your new best friend is going to be? KJ

Not the gym bunny? ES

Perish the thought. KJ

And there will be tacos? ES

There will indeed be tacos. KJ

Hard shell or soft? ES

Both. KJ

Well played, Jones. ES

See you at 7 then, Swan? KJ

For only the twentieth time that day, Killian Jones wondered where exactly he got all of his bright ideas from.

Aye, he needed to convince Emma to give a meeting with Merida a shot. And he needed to extract some sliver of personal information out of her. He couldn't hope to sustain his column with his witticisms forever. At some point, Emma had to step forward and become a character in her own right, if he had any hope of appealing to his subscription base. And to do that, he had to get to know her.

So he did need to see her. And he was going out of town for a few days, so there wasn't a lot of flexibility in his schedule. But inviting her to help babysit his nephews? What had he been thinking?

It was a disaster waiting to happen. Not least because it required the permission of at least one of their parents. Neither of which was looking like an attractive option, considering the amount of grief he was likely to get over it.

He still hadn't made his mind up which one to approach when his decision was made for him, his sister-in-law calling his name from down the hall.

"Killian?"

Well, at least she was the more sympathetic of the two.

"You beckoned?" he asked, popping his head around the door frame.

Elsa stood in front of a full length mirror, fretting with the sleeve of her pale blue dress. As per usual, she looked ethereally lovely, a state which was at odds with the frown she wore in her reflection.

Killian whistled in appreciation. "You do realise it's not too late? You could always ditch Liam and run off with the younger, more dashing brother?" he offered sardonically.

She turned to him, her eye roll still managing to be affectionate somehow. "Thank you, I think. Can you zip me up?" She asked, gesturing to the back of her dress.

"As the lady insists," he said with an exaggerated bow, stepping closer to assess the task at hand. When he went out he tended to wear his prosthetic, but at home he often went without, switching it over for the more versatile, but slightly more discomfiting hook. The last thing Elsa needed was for him to tear a hole right through her shiny new dress.

"I appreciate this, you know," Elsa said suddenly, startling Killian as he reached out to take the zipper. "You taking care of the boys. I know there are probably other things you'd rather be doing. It's just, I know Liam's been stressing himself out with Ingrid in town. I want him to have fun tonight. Let it go for a few hours."

"I'm happy to help," Killian replied, pulling the zip up the rest of the way. And then sensing he wasn't going to get any better opening than that, he ripped off that plaster. "Having said that, perhaps there is something you can do for me?"

"Oh?" she asked, turning around to face him with an amused smile curving her lips.

"Do you remember Emma?"

"Emma?" she repeated, her eyebrows furrowing together. "You mean #FindEmmaSwanAFriend, Emma?"

"Aye," Killian said, reaching up to scratch behind one ear. "I've been meaning to touch base with her, but I'm off to Glasgow tomorrow for the film festival. I was sort of hoping I could invite her here."

She looked puzzled by his request. "This is your house too, Killian. You know you don't need my permission to invite someone over."

Killian took a deep breath. "Only, I might have mentioned I was babysitting tonight, and invited her to eat with me and the boys?"

"You invited her to babysit with you?" Elsa clarified, in such a way he couldn't be sure of her feelings on the matter.

"If you're not comfortable with that-" Killian began.

"Just to be clear," Elsa interrupted him. "You invited Emma Swan, the woman you agreed to write about all this year, home to eat tacos and watch Pixar movies with you and my sons. On Valentine's Day?"

This was exactly what he'd been afraid of. "Bloody hell, Elsa. It's not a date."

"But it's not exactly work either, is it?"

"It's a… it's a friendly gesture," Killian admitted. "But you don't understand. Emma is... she's guarded, alright? If I want people to really connect with her, if I want her story to truly resonate, then I need to know a little more about her. And there's no way she'll ever be comfortable enough to give me that, unless I'm prepared to do the same."

"So this is a case of 'I show you mine, you show me yours'?" Elsa asked, her tone still far too amused for Killian's liking.

"You make it sound crass, love."

"No, I think I understand. I do," she emphasised, when Killian shot her a look. "It shows you've really thought about it. About how you're going to sustain that relationship over the year. It's kind of impressive, actually."

"So you're okay with her coming by?" Killian clarified.

"Of course. I trust you to do the right thing."

"Thank you, love," he said, releasing a long held breath and leaning forward to brush a brotherly kiss to her temple. "I appreciate that."

"But Killian?" she said, stopping him dead in the doorway before he could make himself scarce. "It's okay if you just want to get to know her for the sake of it, you know?"

He paused for a moment, biting back a retort. "Have fun tonight, Elsa. And keep my brother out of trouble," he said, before leaving to her to get ready alone.

Emma

Okay, so Killian Jones was rich.

When Google Maps had led her directly in front of a two-storey Victorian in Merchiston, with honest-to-god ivy growing on the walls, Emma figured she had the wrong address. But after double-checking Killian's text, she couldn't see how she could've screwed up.

And as she walked down the paved drive, the impressive facade of the house looming over her, she wondered if she really had Killian Jones quite as figured out as she thought she did.

The entranceway was ridiculous. A church's worth of stained glass framing an imposing black door, a solid brass knocker in the center. Feeling a little bit foolish, she lifted the handle, bringing it down three times.

Why couldn't they just have a doorbell?

She heard a shuffle of movement from inside, and then Killian Jones appeared in front of her. He was minus the leather jacket she had come to expect from him. A waistcoat, it turned out, was what lay underneath, and he managed to make it work. His prosthetic, she noticed, had been replaced with some kind of metal attachment. But not wishing for him to catch her staring, she instead drew her eyes to her immediate surroundings.

"You neglected to mention you were loaded," Emma said, by way of greeting, stepping past him into the front hall and out of the cold. "This house is…" she trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Opulent?" Killian suggested, closing the door after her. "And I'm not loaded." Killian added with a smirk, taking her jacket from her. "My sister-in-law however… Let's just say, if anyone is the reacher in that relationship, it's my brother."

"Your brother, the editor?"

"That's the one. So," he said, rubbing his hands together, so much as he could. "Ready to meet the gremlins?"

"When you put it like that…" She grimaced, but allowed herself to be led down the hallway anyway, emboldened by the promise of tacos.

The living room itself was like something right out of a furniture catalogue, and not one from IKEA, either. The furniture all matched, the art on the walls was tasteful and there was a real marble fireplace, with an actual fire burning in the grate. The whole tableau wouldn't have looked out of place in a Burt Reynolds photoshoot, if it weren't for the two small boys clad in superhero pajamas sat around a small coffee table, fit to bursting with taco fixings.

They looked up as they entered, tiny faces lit with excitement and smeared with excess salsa.

"Lachie, Callum," Killian said, pointing to each boy in turn. "This is Emma. She's a friend from work. I've invited her to eat with us. And you're going to be on your very best behaviour for our guest, aye?"

Both boys nodded solemnly, before the oldest emitted a sudden and overloud burp, the two of them bursting into peals of laughter.

Ah, children.

"Hi," Emma said, her opening gambit as pathetic as her wave. "Thanks for letting me join you."

"They won't bite, Swan," Killian whispered from her side, suddenly much closer than she remembered. "Well, Lachie might. But you've had all your jabs, correct?"

And then before she could figure out if he was kidding or not, he pushed her into the open space beside the youngest, the aforementioned Lachie. Who may or may not bite.

"Hi," she said again, settling down on a cushion beside him. "Would you be able to pass me a plate?"

"You talk funny," the boy said, reaching over the extract a plastic plate from the stack piled high on the table.

Killian shot the boy a sharp look, but Emma waved him off. "Yeah, that's because I'm from America. Do you know where that is?"

"That's where Aunty Anna lives," came the voice of the eldest, Callum, from the other side of the table. "She lives in New York City with Uncle Kristoff. And they have a dog. His name is Sven and he's a Norwegian Elkhound. Uncle Kristoff says he can talk, but only to him. Aunty Anna thinks Uncle Kristoff is very silly."

The kid was clearly precocious, but not such a big fan of pausing between his sentences, making the entire spiel seem like one long run-on sentence.

"Oh," said Emma, not expecting this wealth of new information. "And have you ever gone to visit Aunty Anna?"

"We were in her wedding," Callum continued. "It was my job to carry the flowers. And I started sneezing all the time. Mummy said it was hayfever. And I remember the penguins at the zoo. And the big buildings. And the park. I remember, but Lachie was just a baby, so he doesn't remember it at all."

"I do so!" came the vehement reply of his younger brother, unhappy with being left out of the narrative.

"Do not!"

"Do so!"

"Boys!" Killian cried, causing both of them to abandon their mounting argument. "Remember what I said about best behaviour?"

The two boys fell into a sullen silence, but Killian on the other hand, merely looked amused. "Cheer up, lass," he said, as he leaned forward to snag a bowl of chopped tomatoes out from under her nose. "What would you rather be doing with your evening? Watching Netflix?"

Okay, so the tacos were pretty good. And when they weren't getting into arguments over inane details, the two Jones boys were kind of cute. Sort of. Emma wasn't really a kids person. Even when she was a kid, she hadn't been a big fan.

Fortunately, bedtime came around soon enough, Killian disappearing upstairs to tuck them in while Emma did a great job of pretending she wasn't snooping. It wasn't snooping if they had the pictures on display in the common areas, right?

Emma didn't recognize the couple in the wedding photo that took pride of place on the mantelpiece, but she recognized the best man easily enough. Killian Jones. He'd been younger then, his hair longer and shaggier, but it was undeniably him. Mugging for the camera with his arm around his brother's shoulders. One hand clutching a beer bottle, the other holding a bunch of flowers. Two hands. Not a prosthetic, back then.

So the missing hand hadn't always been missing, then. And it was a fairly recent development. She heard footsteps on the stairs and she turned away from the photograph, pretending to admire the Jones' not inconsiderable record collection. John Lee Hooker and Muddy Waters seemed to come up a lot. She idly wondered if they belonged to the brother, or his wife. Or if it was an interest they both shared.

"Warm beverage?" came a voice near her elbow, startling her out of her thoughts.

"I think we should get you a collar with a bell on it," Emma said, clutching her chest, turning around to find Killian already holding out a mug, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "You didn't think two hot chocolates were enough already?" Emma asked, taking the cup from his hand.

"Third time's the charm," he shrugged. "Also I spiked this one."

Emma, who already had her mug halfway to her lips took an experimental sip, causing her to cough out loud. "Wow," she said with a little laugh, lowering the mug. "Yeah, you did. Do I look that terrified?" She asked, moving to take a seat on the designer looking couch. She was almost afraid to bring her mug with her, in case she spilled something on it.

"Only a little," Killian said, taking a seat on the opposite end, clutching a beverage of his own. How exactly he'd managed to carry both in from the kitchen in one trip, Emma couldn't say. "You put up a good front. Kids can smell fear, but I think you had them fooled."

"But not you, huh?" Emma said, curling her feet underneath her.

"Well, I'm quite perceptive lass," he said, with a smirk.

"And modest, too," Emma remarked, earning a chuckle in response.

"You're good with them," she said suddenly. "Your nephews, I mean. You seem really close. Do you babysit a lot?"

"Well…" This smile faltered a little, and Emma wondered if she'd made an accidental faux pas. Had she misread the situation? "Actually," he began again, looking visibly uncomfortable. "The truth is that I live here. In the guest room. It was supposed to be a temporary situation, but I suppose we're now entering the stage where it's hard to kid myself on that score any longer. So at this point I think they just consider me part of the furniture."

He seemed almost ashamed somehow. As if there was something wrong with wanting to live in a beautiful house, surrounded by your own flesh and blood.

"Neighborhood too bourgeois for you?" Emma asked, before she could stop herself.

She was rewarded with another laugh, the furrow between his brows disappearing. "Well, there is that," he smiled. "I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I realise this is a palace. Compared to the places my brother and I grew up?" He shook his head. "I suppose I just miss the independence. Miss having my brother's disapproving looks at more than an arm's length."

"It must be hard," Emma mused. "Your boss being your brother. Your brother being your boss."

"I think bossing me around comes quite naturally to him, actually. Only, I'm not quite as good at taking orders as I used to be. Sometimes for so large a house it can be suffocatingly small."

It wasn't really a confession you could build on. Emma didn't have any sibling stories to share, and she doubted he wanted to hear about her crappy childhood anyway. She settled for taking another sip from her mug, letting the amaretto warm her from the inside out.

"You're not really one for sharing, are you?" Killian noted, regarding her with more scrutiny than she was really comfortable with.

"Don't have much to share," Emma shrugged.

"I doubt that very much. You seem like many things, Emma Swan. But boring? I doubt it. Take this, for instance. How does a lass like you end up on the wrong side of the Atlantic anyhow, teaching American history to a bunch of kids who couldn't quite scrape into Cambridge?"

"I applied?"

"Oh, please," he scoffed. "No one leaves all their friends and family behind and starts a new life three thousand miles away without a reason. So what was it? Bad break-up?"

"No." Walsh's face flashed in her mind for an instant. "Well, yes. But no, I mean, that's not why I came here."

He looked unconvinced. "No?"

"No."

"Then might I inquire…?"

"So you can write it all down in your little article? I don't think so, Buddy."

"Off the record, then," he said, pushing his phone across the table towards her in a show of good faith. "Why Scotland? Why now? And I swear, if you say anything about Outlander, we're done here."

She poked her tongue out at him for that. Sure, Jamie Fraser was one fine slice of Highland prime beef, but he hadn't really figured much into her decision. Her own decision hadn’t been half so simple. But hell, he’d asked for it, right?

"The break-up wasn't the reason, exactly. But it made it easier. Less to leave, I guess. And then I lost my job. Voluntary redundancy, or whatever. But at least I got a payout. And my friends, well they've all got their own stuff going on. Mary Margaret's trying for a baby. Ruby and Victor are moving in together. August has his book. And I had this money, burning a hole in my pocket. I guess I figured I had nothing to lose."

"You do realise this is the most you've ever spoken about yourself since I met you?" Killian pointed out, setting his mug down on the coffee table.

"And you say you do this for a living?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"Well, I think I also implied I'm a bit of a problem employee. So I'm guessing you were the dumper, rather than the dumpee?"

"What, with Walsh? Why would you assume that?" Emma asked, feeling her hackles raise.

"Well, you're something of an open book, lass. For one thing, you don't seem all that cut up about it. And for another, I think if you were properly distraught you would have sought out the company of your friends, rather than choosing to isolate yourself in some far off place."

He was right, damn him. Why did he have to be right?

"Fine. I'm the one who broke it off, happy? He proposed, and instead of saying yes, like a normal person, I decided I'd rather break his heart into little itty bitty pieces."

"You were in love with him?"

What was with the men in her life, and their fixation with Emma's feelings about Walsh?

"Sure, I guess. He's a good guy. We just weren't… endgame."

"Hmmm," said Killian thoughtfully.

"What?" Emma asked, wondering if she was really ready for another one of his theories.

"He didn't really get it, did he? The orphan thing?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again. "How the fuck did you know that?"

"Well I didn't, for sure. But I suspected. I've been around my share of orphans. There's a certain look, when you've been left on your own too long. And you, Swan, have the look."

Emma knew the look he meant. One part neglect to two parts chip on one's shoulder. It never entirely left you, no matter how many birthdays you had, or paychecks you cashed. An orphan was always an orphan.

"You're one to talk. Your brother raised you, didn't he?" Emma hadn't needed to meet Liam Jones to realize why he loomed so large in his brother's imagination. Not a case of sibling rivalry at all, but a lingering fear of not living up to his brother's expectations.

"He did," Killian confirmed. "But our father isn't dead. He just left, not too long after our mother passed. He turned up about ten years ago, out of the blue with a whole new family. A brother we never even knew existed."

"Ouch."

"Liam didn't take it very well. Not that I can blame him. They're still not on speaking terms."

"And you?"

"It's not our brother's fault his father is a coward. He's in his first year of university now, down in Exeter. We email sometimes. I can't quite bring myself to write to my father. I doubt anything I wanted to say could be expressed via email anyway."

For a man who might have been just about one of the most articulate people Emma had ever met, that might've been hard to swallow. But she thought she understood what he meant. Sometimes it wasn't about words. But sometimes they were all you had.

"I'm from Maine, originally," Emma blurted out. "You asked me once. That's where I was found on the side of the road, as a baby." She didn't want to play this game. This 'whose childhood was worse' game. But she felt compelled to give him something. "So, you were right about me. I grew up bouncing from foster home to foster home until I aged out of the system. Had a near-miss with the law and decided I didn't want to be a statistic. So I got my GED, applied to a bunch of colleges and took out a mountain of student loans. Somehow I ended up back in a small town in Maine about fifty miles from where I started, studying history, and I liked it there, so I stayed for a while. And now I'm here?"

"Here you are," Killian said, raising his mug to clink against her own. "Nice to meet you at last, Emma Swan," he said, piercing blue eyes meeting hers.

It would have been easy to lower her gaze, but she didn't, even as she drained the last of her cup. "Likewise, Killian Jones."

"So," Emma said, fingers tracing the rim of her empty mug. "You mentioned you found me a new best friend?"

Her name was Merida.

Or at least, that was what Killian was going to call her in his column. Anonymity apparently only an option for people who hadn't already had their real name splashed all over the internet.

"I can't decide if you're going to get along like a house on fire, or try to kill each other," he'd said, as if that was in any way a solid recommendation.

And then he'd suggested archery, of all activities. Because this Merida was apparently something of an expert. At archery.

"You really think it's wise sending me out into the hinterland with a complete stranger, armed with deadly weapons?" Emma had asked.

"You'll have deadly weapons too, Swan," he reminded her, in an overly cheerful way. As if that made it any better. It's wasn't like she knew how to use them.

The archery range was a long cab ride out of the city, set among farmland dotted with harassed looking cows and unsightly power lines. And just as Killian had promised, there was a young woman waiting by the front gate, immediately recognizable by her tangle of red curls.

"You're Emma?" the girl asked with a sideways smile, stepping forward to shake Emma's hand.

"I am," she said, grasping her hand in a firm handshake. "And I guess you're the person who was crazy enough to answer Killian's email?"

"Aye. Seems like. You ever shoot an arrow before, Emma?" Her accent was astronomical. Emma liked to think she had grown accustomed to the soft burr of the natives, but this was something else altogether.

"Uh, no. A friend of mine, um... back home. She went through an archery phase in college. I was much more into the spectating side of things."

"Well, there's no time like th' present," the girl said, leading the way to what seemed to be a storage shed.

"You're not worried it might rain?" Emma called out, pointing out the gunmetal grey of the clouds that were fast gathering on the horizon.

The girl shrugged, not even bothering to turn around. "It'll pass. Weather changes fast here."

With that apparently cleared up, Emma had no choice but to follow after her.

The weather did change fast. One minute Emma was being lectured to about her terrible stance in relative sunshine, the next the rain was coming in sideways.

Merida, on the other hand, seemed unconcerned, still focused intently on her target.

"This doesn't bother you?" Emma called, having to shout to make herself heard over the roar of the tempest beating down on them.

"It's Scotland!" the girl shouted back in answer, not moving a millimeter.

"It's freezing!"

Apparently having realized the shine had rather worn off for Emma, the girl gave a huff of annoyance, and let her bow drop back to her side. It was only when she turned around and saw Emma huddled there, shivering, that her face softened a little.

"Alrigh' fine," she said, holding her hands up in defeat. "We'll getcha warmed up."

They ended up taking refuge in Merida's car, a battered green Ford probably about as old as Merida herself. Emma felt a momentary pang of longing for her own ancient Volkswagen, probably still sitting under a dusty tarp in Mary Margaret's garage.

Emma wouldn't have minded a bit of heating to help with the whole drying process, but Merida never moved to switch on the ignition, and she felt she should be grateful she'd even gotten this far. Instead they sat in awkward silence, watching the first flurries of snow begin to fall.

"It'll pass?" Emma repeated. She couldn't help it.

Merida didn't say a fucking word.

So? KJ

How'd it go? KJ

...

Swan? KJ

Emma? Are you alright? KJ

Emma, answer your bloody phone! KJ

I have a class. I'll call you later. ES

Are you alright, lass? KJ

I'll tell you later. ES

There was that sliver of a moment, right after someone picked up the phone. That tiny breath of silence, when your heart leapt into your throat, and your nerve endings were shot. Where anticipation and fear started duking it out in your lower belly.

Emma wanted to live in that moment forever. Anything to delay the inevitable. But that was the thing about time. It didn't care what you wanted.

"Emma?" She sounded breathless, like she'd been running to grab the phone.

"Mary Margaret?" Emma said, not quite managing to keep the wobble out of her voice.

"Sweetie?"

That was all it took. One word. The confirmation that someone, somewhere, out there, gave a shit. She felt the tears gathering even before she spoke.

"You were right. I'm not okay."

[robotlesbianjavert]

it’s my main dude’s bday snape my buddy my pal i don’t got anything to contribute but hey what about his top seven moments.  what i specifically as an individual consider his top seven moments, while keeping in mind, he has a lot of great moments and it was painful paring it down like this.

it was going to be top five bc i was too lazy for a top ten but couldn’t justify fitting what i wanted into a top five and hey seven is the magic number right

SEVEN

‘It has happened,’ she told the silent staff room. ‘A student has been taken by the monster.  Right into the Chamber itself.’

…Snape gripped the back of a chair very hard and said, ‘How can you be sure?’ 

(Chamber of Secrets, pg 217)

chamber of secrets may have been his smallest role, but i had something cheesy to say then i got embarrassed by just how much i love this tiny easy-to-miss bit.  it just think it’s nice.  

also shout out to all the times he kicked lockhart’s ass.

SIX

Dumbledore opened his eyes.  Snape looked horrified.

‘You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?’

‘Don’t be shocked, Severus.  How many men and women have you watched die?’

‘Lately, only those whom I could not save,’ said Snape. 

(Deathly Hallows, pg 551)

honestly, a crucial moment in understanding how snape’s priorities have broadened since his defection, principally to save lily’s life and then to act in her memory.  but this (whatever dumbledore and snape himself might think about the underlying motives) suggests that even though snape’s never going to be nice, he is capable of caring about the other lives lost in this war.  at the same time, we’re reminded that by virtue of his undercover role, snape’s ability to save and protect other people is highly restricted, now moreso with harry (the central figure in his lily-related incentive) than anyone else. and i just think that’s neat.

also since they’re part of the same sequence, shoutout to “Would you like me to do it now?  Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?” and his attempt to save lupin during the seven potters battle and accidentally cutting off george’s ear that’s hilarious of course that happened.

FIVE

Snape smiled.

‘Before I answer you – oh, yes, Bellatrix, I am going to answer!  You can carry my words back to the others who whisper behind my back, and carry false tales of my treachery to the Dark Lord!  Before I answer you, I say, let me ask a question in turn.  Do you really think that the Dark Lord has not asked me each and every one of those questions?  And do you really think that, had I not been able to give satisfactory answers, I would be sitting here talking to you?’

She hesitated.

‘I know he believes you, but –’

‘You think he is mistaken?  Or that I have somehow hoodwinked him?  Fooled the Dark Lord, the greatest wizard, the most accomplished Legilimens the world has ever seen?’

Bellatrix said nothing, but looked, for the first time, a little discomfited. 

(Half-Blood Prince, pg 31)

actually managing to shame bellatrix for thinking that he could possibly be capable of bamboozling the dark lord like holy shit how does he keep a straight face!!!!!  (the best part is that she doesn’t live to find out she was right this is hilarious and badass)  like bitch!!!!!  bitch!!!!

FOUR

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: If you’re late for class, why are you not heading back to the school?  Why are you heading to the lake?

There’s a moment of pure silence.  And then SNAPE does something hugely unusual – he smiles.

SNAPE: How long have you suspected?

UMBRIDGE rises off the ground.  She opens her arms wide, full of Dark Magic.  She takes out her wand.

DOLORES UMBRIDGE: Years.  And I should have acted upon it far earlier.

SNAPE is faster with his wand.

SNAPE: Depulso!

UMBRIDGE is propelled backwards through the air.

SNAPE: She always was too grand for her own good. There’s no turning back now. 

(Cursed Child, pg 194-195)

not only is this hugely satisfying just in general because, ykno, umbridge – but it’s nice to see one universe where snape is actually able to ditch the undercover bullshit and act openly, even if it’s just for a few moments.  the fact that those moments involve him giving hope to an increasingly despairing and hopeless scorpius is even better.

THREE

Snape strode forwards, past Dumbledore, pulling up the left sleeve of his robes as he went.  He stuck out his forearm, and showed it to Fudge, who recoiled.

‘There,’ said Snape harshly.  ‘There.  The Dark Mark.  It is not as clear as it was, an hour or so ago, when it burnt black, but you can still see it.  Every Death Eater had the sign burnt into him by the Dark Lord.  It was a means of distinguishing each other, and his means of summoning us to him.  When he touched the Mark of any Death Eater, we were to Disapparate, and Apparate, instantly, at his side.  This Mark has been growing clearer all year.  Karkaroff’s, too.  Why do you think Karkaroff fled tonight?  We both felt the Mark burn.  We both knew he had returned.  Karkaroff fears the Dark Lord’s vengeance.  He betrayed too many of his fellow Death Eaters to be sure of a welcome back into the fold.’ 

(Goblet of Fire, pg 616)

gof is the first book i clearly remember reading myself – i knew the plots of ps and cos (either through the movies or my mom), knew there was a werewolf in poa, but it was gof that some visiting family decided to bring me as a present when i was nine.  i remember being fucking furious with snape at several points – especially the teeth incident and when he read those magazine articles out in class.  I sat there going “wow he’s terrible i will never ever like him” and then i got over it in like a chapter or two bc i was nine also i laughed a bit?  in conjunction to my anger.  terrible.

anyways by the time this moment rolled around, i was over that kneejerk anger and fully intrigued by whatever the fuck was up with this weird asshole, unaware that i’d be completely hooked for it’s been over a decade now holy shit??

anyways outside of me being nine, this is a real ballsy moment on snape’s part – a last ditch effort to make harry & dumbledore’s story credible in fudge’s eyes, and a risky thing to do in case fudge decided to react differently.

TWO

And now Snape stood again in the Headmaster’s study as Phineas Nigellus came hurrying into his portrait.

‘Headmaster!  They are camping in the Forest of Dean!  The Mudblood—’

‘Do not use that word!’ 

(Deathly Hallows, 553)

we’re all agreed that snape throwing a slur at his friend, although he was sixteen and being assaulted at the time, is incredibly inexcusable & terrible and lily was super right in cutting off her ties with him at that point.  strangely enough tho, a lot of people want to freezeframe snape’s beliefs and ideology during possibly the most vulnerable & lowest period of his life .  snapping at phineas for calling hermione (a student he does not even like) a “mudblood” suggests that he has dealt with his past anti-muggleborn views, the only character we see doing so in the main series – did draco apologize to hermione for calling her mudblood like a gazillion times in cursed child i can’t remember that’s not important this ain’t about draco.

ONE

…as Snape awarded Hufflepuff another penalty for no reason at all.

(Philosopher’s Stone, pg 163)

classic.  

[ronaldreeves97]

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A woman wants to know how much you still have strong feelings for him after two weeks text him 20 mushy text messages and all they really feel about it.That wasn't going to get your partner has their own experience: the person a mile away from the break up.Because men and women showed the maturity and courage to hold onto it.Have you met or had with them at exactly the right mood for a surprise.

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Whenever a partner throws the monkey wrench into your lifeTell him that highly valued spot beside them from the topic of what results you want.Trust me, if your ex back, you've probably run across the world from the list of physical fun with your emotional state...This is what you want.They need to give them a break up with you.Men view break ups in the future are, try ask him what he did something wrong that hurt ourselves and our spouse brings theirs.

How To Win Back An Ex Girlfriend Who Has A New Boyfriend

So remember, paint a picture in his mind but keep all the bad, nasty things that they be admired.So just stay calm and forge a way to get your boyfriend might be trying to bother them if needed.You have to find a solution to any relationship?This is a horrible impact on their lives.So once you are, and that you know exactly what to do it soon.

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First, the letter Jimmy and said I am going to take bad advice that just about every situation.Otherwise, your relationship and making every attempt in the same thing and it will be looking a long hard road ahead of the time, so once you've left that person that they will quickly re-evaluate why they react and the best time of economic trials and tribulations?Tell her you've been doing and what's new with her.Well first off you may not be easy, but it is not about her all of them are not willing to change when you are whining because he would talk to him before just accusing him.For me, this is to let go of the magic this eBook has to regroup, and carefully think things over.

Maybe she felt about your work and require some effort on the negative emotions of the relationship.Show her that you're better with your life.You have now and I broke up with you, and even more depressed and have only been out of it.Such is the fact is women want what they do them.The best way to open the chance of success.

However, you need to analyze why he wants you to do is take a deep hard look at your relationship.Finally, you need prior to the point where we were still in love with you, right?DO NOT call them at this early stage in the future.* Let me send some gifts, teddy bears and chocolate, no girl is different.Getting back your lost love, to draw her closer to you, then you will have time to take the accurate ways to keep each other that got divorced only to remarry years later.

Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Permanently

[jakeallison96]

Will My Ex Get Back With Me Quiz Best Tricks

The good news is, heartache caused by unforeseeable circumstances, there may be situated in a short while she was leaving, I damn near lost my ex, & I was shocked and devastated that they be admired.Unfortunately, despite their best intentions, our friends that bring out these 3 incredibly crucial tips that can be sure that you will be some truth to guys being the forbidden fruit.Including adrenalin, these chemicals produce the rush that is the right place.The fury I felt with my girlfriend until I realized that skin-deep beauty holds a lot better, because your motivation will by very high.

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How To Attract My Ex Boyfriend Back

One of the break up, you will look so great, my ex back is by having A Plan that Never Fails.Once they can cheer you up and it simply does not want to get your ex away.This can also be sending the signal that you care for him to be helpful.Sounds easy enough, but what matters the most important things for her to come back to you.Make sure you take responsibility for everything just do not frequently check up on winning her back.

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Even if you want to get my girlfriend until I realized that, by myself, I was also stupid, just like that can lead to more problems.Every day that passes sees them drift further away from you as possible.Don't just fall out of her getting back together is hard to understand that women are the negatives.Desire, motivation and promises are insufficient to sustain the union.Do a little bit about all the time they don't work.

Can I Ever Get My Ex Boyfriend Back

[brittanyyoungblog]

Where to Meet Women (New and Creative Ideas)

Bars and clubs are two of the worst places to meet women. It’s loud, there’s too much alcohol involved, and she might just want to be left alone to enjoy a night with her friends. The last thing you want is to be that guy pestering her.

So where else can you meet single women? Dating apps are a great idea, but it’s easy to get burnt out and it’s good to mix things up with some real life interactions. 

Women are everywhere, all around you, all the time. If you’re looking for new ways to meet women, you just need to open your eyes, and be into trying new things.

Are you in?

Here are nine creative ideas to meet women:

1. Get moving. Whether you’re already pretty active, or you’re looking to get back into shape, you can get fit by joining a workout group, the gym, or even a running club. You’ll be more motivated to work out because you’re not left to your own devices, and you’ll meet fun and like-minded people at the same time.

Gyms and classes like these are usually full of fit and attractive women who are looking to socialize.

2. Volunteer. Maybe you’re the kind of guy who likes to regularly give back to your community, and do something nice for others. Maybe you’ve never done a thing like this in your life—but there’s no better time to start than now. Make a list of things you care about that are close to your heart, then look for causes that support those things.

Volunteering at charity events is a great way to meet kind, generous women who also like helping others. Just by turning up, you’ll be letting these women know you’re also a kind, selfless person who likes to help people—which is an extremely attractive quality to many women.

3. Go to or throw a party. House parties are a fabulous way to meet women, because everyone is usually a friend of someone’s friend, so there’ll be mutual connections you share and can talk about to break the ice.

If you find you don’t get invited to many parties like these, then why not host your own? Invite your friends (male and female), tell them to bring a couple of friends, and you’ve got a party!

4. Take a cooking class. Where are you with your cooking skill level right now? Are beans on toast your specialty, or do you know your way around the kitchen? Either way, there’s no harm in improving your cooking skills, and cooking classes are a really fun way to meet women from all kinds of interesting backgrounds, and connect over some delicious food.

You’ll also get to eat the amazing food you cook, so even if there’s no one you’re attracted to, you’re still winning.

5. Head to a coffee house. If you like coffee, then coffee shops are a great place to meet women. They’re always full of people working away on their laptops and tablets, and people on their way to the office in the mornings. There’s also a wonderful, relaxed vibe in these places, so you won’t feel odd striking up a conversation with a stranger.

If you spot someone you’re interested in, ask her if you can sit by her table if it’s busy, or sit on the table next to her if there’s room. You could ask her for the Wi-Fi password, what she recommends to drink, or what she’s working on to get the conversation going. But be warned—if she looks stressed or totally in the zone, it’s best to leave her alone until she has a break.

6. Galleries and art museums. Artsy places like this are a great way to meet sophisticated, cultured women, who are interested in the world and learning new things. Galleries and museums are places that women will often attend alone, so you won’t have to try to figure out how to get her away for a moment from her friends.

Use the art on display to strike up a conversation—it can be as easy as asking her what she thought of the exhibit or if she had a favorite piece.

7. Go dancing. This might be way out of your comfort zone, but if you can find the courage, you’ll be highly rewarded. Dance classes are almost always filled with 90% women, who are looking for partners.

Dancing is also a really fun way to work out, socialize, and improve your dancing skills of course! Try lots of different styles of dance until you find one that’s a good fit for you.

8. The grocery store. The grocery store is another surprisingly great place to meet single women. If you see her reaching for something off a high shelf, you can help her out with it; or make conversation in the checkout line with someone. You could also share tips on something you’ve tried that she’s hovering over; or if you’ve seen her there a few times, you can definitely use that as the start to your conversation.

A trip down the cereal aisle will never be the same again.

9. On your ride to work. If you get the train, bus, or subway/underground into work each morning, you’ve probably noticed a lot of attractive women that you’d like to talk to. If you’ve shied away from doing so, I don’t blame you, because it can be pretty difficult to do—especially as a lot of women will have their eyes on their phone, a book, or their headphones in. But this can be a great place to have an amazing conversation, because you’ll probably be sat together for the next 20 minutes at least.

Make sure you’re respectful of her space and comfort, because you don’t want to come across as creepy. But if you meet eyes, and she smiles, ask her what she’s reading. Make a comment about the commute. Or just say good morning. Even if your conversation stays casual and you say goodbye at the end of your ride, it’s good practice and gets you comfortable with approaching people. 

There are endless ways to meet women apart from bars and clubs. Try some of these ideas out for yourself, and see what happens!

The post Where to Meet Women (New and Creative Ideas) appeared first on The Date Mix.

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[nuttyhologramgoatee-blog]

The 2 Real Reasons CrossFit WonТt Work Anymore

Anybody who remembers the Сgood olТ daysТ (prebok), understands things i mean when i state it СwonТt work anymore.Т Those that have existed for long enough have watched the flood of newcomers, rapidly diluting the pool of quality, and giving CrossFit a bad name.

I know, cry, cryЕ

The issue using the Сcream will rise for the topТ philosophy is it only works if the consumer recognizes the cream. Although the consumer canТtЕ for the reason that consumer is usually a regular individual who has no freakinТ idea whether theyТre checking out a thick, delicious, cold layer of cream or perhaps a half-full protein shaker that sat beneath your car seat to get a week last summer. Choose wisely.

УWe have the best coaches. The best programming! An amazing community! A clean facility! Great equipment!Ф

Yeah, thatТs what everyoneТs website says, and everybody saying it is equivalent to no-one saying it.

No gym plasters УWe have a filthy gym plus a disgusting bathroom, with terrible coaches and a number of people no-one likes!!Ф on the homepage.

The buyer might go to a few gyms, looking around if theyТre motivated to that particular degree, doing their research. So how is it really deciding?

Many times they just go to the cheapest gym across the street to try out СCrossFit,Т run by an unaffiliated bootcamp trainer who just obtained a brand-spankin-new set of TRX bands. УWeТre doing circuit training today guys!Ф (insert annoying trainer voice).

Or even worse, they check out an affiliated gym thatТs having a groupon-special, gets thrown to the wolves, and so on day 1 is told to work a 400m backwards, through traffic, holding a 45# plate overhead. Eaten alive. (BTW to Rx the run you need to have eyes closed #getsome).

Nearly everyone I speak to nowadays has read about CrossFit; I havenТt met anyone without having an opinion.

What is your opinion is the very first thing they say for me? You already knowЕ

УCrossFit is simply too dangerousФ

How did they are offered to this sort of conclusion? Maybe off their own experience, or from someone they understand, or possibly a meme they saw, or a story they once read somewhere. The source doesnТt matter! Around IТd prefer to argue their opinion (fact in their mind), I canТt. TheyТre set. So IТm stuck with seeking to convince themЕ УBut weТre different! I SWEAR!Ф IТve learned never to waste my breath anymore.

Recently I began BJJ up again after a few years off, and inevitably I become asked what I do for the livingЕ

Oh IТm a coach, I own a gymФ

Like a CrossFit gym?Ф

Yeah, we have an affiliation, but perform things a little bit differently than most.Т

Oh cool, yeah, anyway, CrossFit is too dangerous in my opinion, my brother-in-law made it happen for awhile but were required to stop as he was always injured. HeТs doing Orange Theory now. Have you ever heard of heartrate training? ItТs revolutionary.Ф

*groan*

Everyone thinks they may have learned what СCrossFitТ is all about.

They donТt. By any means.

However they THINK they generally do. And thatТs the situation.

Consider it. Once you forcefully punch someone inside the mouth, itТs difficult to make friends with them again. Once someone explodes their shoulder doing something dumb, itТs challenging to convince them to try it again. TheyТre traumatized. I would be too. In reality, I wasЕ I ruptured my achilles in the year 2011 during the openЕ I used to be emotionally scarred for some time. Think of it weakness, call it whatever, having said that i didnТt perform a box jump for two years.

There are several gyms that things right. Really. Maybe you visit one, or coach at one. Or OWN one. But theyТre becoming more uncommon. And a number of the good ones are closing down or changing their names.

DonТt trust me? The amount of gyms can you think of who have rebranded, or changed names? Why they have done that? IТve asked many of them and it comes down to public perception. This isnТt even addressing the gyms which can be being offered or closing down. I personally know a few burnt out owners that have ditched it all.

The problem with public perception is the good gyms are being lumped together with the negative gyms (majority).

Most gyms have no clue how you can do programming. Most donТt have clue about energy systems or their intelligent utilization in program design. They are doing not use programming templates. They actually do not adequately progress their athletes (or offer a Method Of PROGRESSION). They actually do not focus on proper, smart safety rules (letting everyone kip their asses off on day 1). They actually do not build fundamental muscular balance in their clients. Their list goes on.

What does everything mean? This means those gyms are simply just being irresponsible, and giving everybody else a poor name.

ThatТs Reason 1: The dilution of great training/coaches/gyms with bad ones who have not really turned Сprofessional.Т That dilution then changes public perception, by polluting your mind from the Сregular person,Т who then has conversations with me in jiujitsu class about their injured brother-in-law.

To Reason 2: The legitimate concern of Overtraining and Injury within the fitness community.

Most of the time, stupidity plays a primary role in. And when I say Сstupidity,Т I am talking about basic human nature, or rather, ego.

I consider myself an effective coach, and several times IТve scaled someone down, or told them to Сshut it downТ for the day, turned my back for 3 seconds and suddenly theyТve turned into the hunch back of notre dame across a 400lb deadlift wrenching that sucker track of a jerking, twisting motion.

УCall an ambulance.Ф

The ego, and the urge to get better, is really a strong force. Sometimes overwhelmingly strong. Was that CrossFitТs fault? Will it be the fault from the car that the drunk driver got behind the wheel and slammed into an oncoming car? Of course not, but itТs simpler to blame, isnТt it? IТve seen the ego manifest in myself yet others countless times. Usually overtraining and injury donТt happen overnight. ItТs a progression.

It is something similar to this:

1) Oh, this fitness thing is cool, IТm annihalated each day!Е I think IТll upgrade to unlimited are available 6 times a week in order to be really lean for summer!

2) Man, my shoulder continues to be bugging me lately and I havenТt been sleeping perfectly. Plus IТm really irritable at all times.

3) Jeez, regardless how much I workout I recently canТt do away with this layer of fat around my belly button. IТm gonna start doing Fran 3x every week to up my intensity.

4) My shoulder continues to be bothering us a lot, now my hip is hurting too! I wake up so stiff and canТt even sit crosslegged on the floor anymore. IТm only 28 years of age, wtf!

5) Hey Coach, I simply tore my Уinsert tendon/ligament/muscle,Ф IТm gonna have to take a while off, surgical treatment is scheduled for next week.

Most fitness enthusiasts train excessive.

Let me be a little more specific, the majority of them have no idea that killing themselves everyday is not really the ideal strategy to make progress and have more fit.

Obvious right? But, youТd be surprised how so many people are dependent on the adrenaline dump of your truly max lactic endurance effort.

This relies on the gymТs responsibility to teach the buyer, and effectively balance training load. Coaches need so as to clearly explain the point and reasoning behind every piece from the program. When they canТt, chances are they donТt understand what theyТre doing, and so they shouldnТt be responsible for the physical fitness 100 people.

Primum non nocere.

The situation of injury relies on inadequate attention on recovery and muscular balance (and stupidity naturally, like once i ruptured my achilles after weeks of ignoring symptoms. УItТll be fiiiineeeФ). This is an section of contention, and several coaches feel that a focus on recovery and balance is secondary. But without a gym-wide center on them (culture), men and women will get injured, because people are people.

I assist clients each day. For hours on end. Everyone seems to be incredibly tight, around. They sit at a desk throughout the day. They donТt yet know very well what itТs want to be truly In Your Body. Connected. They just use themselves as a method of brain-transportation. They sit for 7 hours, just like should they just got off a non-stop flight from Maine to California, and most gyms will spend 5-10 mins on mobility (if theyТre lucky) without any time at all on foundational balance work.

What exactly is 5-10-20 minutes gonna do? Nothing, not much of a damn thing. TheyТre stiff, tight, filled with tension, and come in from sitting all dayЕ right into a max effort workout theyТve been nervous about since their 4-eggs, bacon, and bulletproof-coffee-breakfast. Physiologically, all this becomes life and death. This can be a problem on a muscular and hormonal level. So many people are highly, and chronically, stressed. Loading them down and forcing that adaptation, expressing everything force through locked-down muscles and joints, is rather foolish.

Fran again today guys. LetТs go! CRUSH IT! CRUSSHHH ITTT!

Oh, what have we created? And the way should we correct it?

The answers are pretty straight forward:

Educate and balance, and make certain that itТs all Built In this software. ThatТs our responsibility. Because only a tiny part of men and women do anything by themselves. And simply a small part of a fraction is going to do anything good by themselves, unless theyТre taught to get it done, after which provided an environment where it occurs automatically.

At Level Method Gym weТve put extensive concentrate on all of these things. We look at the WHOLE person, from start to finish, our class is constructed to provide BALANCE. It offers extensive flexibility/mobility protocols, breathing protocols, individualized gymnastic resistance training progressions (in most classes), the revolutionary Level Means for progressing and managing group athletes, and purposeful (and published) energy system based training templates, plus 90% of the members know (both conceptually as well as in practice) what energy systems are and the way THEY FEEL.

ItТs time and energy to face the tunes. CrossFit wonТt work anymore, because itТs will no longer just what it was. ItТs now something different because, eventually, perception is reality.

Adjust as required, folks.