#ask your grocer or the store clerk. If they can’t answer this question

[arrow-guy]

The Lighthouse (4/??)

Summary: The town is sleepy, the people are nice enough, but life gets turned upsidedown when the God of Thunder literally falls out of the sky.

A/N: It’s been two years since I last updated this story, and it’s taken me this long to figure out where it needed to go. Good news: I’ve finally figured it out, and can get back to actually writing it. Anyway, please enjoy!

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong​

Pairing: ThorxReader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: None (annoying sheriff, maybe?)

Part 3

“(Y/N),” Thor calls. “There’s someone at the door for you!”

“Coming!” I shout.

I shove myself back from my desk and haul myself up from my chair. I push my hands into the small of my back and twist from side to side in a feeble attempt to crack my back. I give up after a couple of tries and pad out of my office onto the staircase.

At the bottom of the stairs, I find an agitated Sheriff Green and a nonplussed Thor facing off in the doorway. When the Sheriff sees me, he looks at Thor then back at me before his eyebrows pull together.

“(Y/N), who is this guy?” he asks, looking Thor up and down. “I haven’t seen him around town before.”

“Old friend, that’s all,” I answer, placing a gentle hand on Thor’s arm and pushing him back from the door. The Sheriff opens his mouth to ask another question and I hold up my hand, silently asking him to keep it to himself. “I trust him. That’s all you need to know.”

“Just one more question, and then I’ll stop.”

“Fine.”

“How long has he been in town?”

I shrug. “Couple days. Showed up just before the storm hit.”

“Really? I didn’t see another car in the driveway.”

“You said one question.”

“I’m just trying to gauge what’s happening.”

“Sheriff, unless I’ve done something wrong, there’s no reason to interrogate me.”

He nods and sighs in resignation. “How are you holding up after that storm?” he asks.

“Just fine,” I answer. “I wasn’t hit as hard as everyone else was this time. Could have something to do with being closer to the water, but I can’t say for sure.”

“Whatever it is, I’m glad you’re fine. If the lighthouse weren’t operational, we’d be in a helluva lot of trouble right about now.”

“Maybe, but… is there a reason you’re here, or is there something I can do for you, Sheriff?” I ask. “Not that it isn’t nice to see you, I’m just a bit busy at the moment. You know how people are about deadlines.”

“You still doin’ that editing thing?”

“Well, yeah. That editing “thing” is my job. Operating the lighthouse isn’t exactly lucrative work.”

“Is there an issue, (Y/N)?” Thor asks.

I shake my head. “No, don’t worry.” I glance back into the house. “Could you go check on Charles? He gets into trouble if he’s left alone for too long.”

He nods and squeezes my shoulder before heading off to the kitchen. The Sheriff’s eyes follow him until he notices my unimpressed expression.

“What?”

“Leave him alone, man, he’s got enough on his plate right now without you looking for some kind of trouble.”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Oh please, I saw the way you looked at him. Just because you’ve never seen him before doesn’t mean he’s dangerous.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I never said he was.”

“You didn’t have to, Sheriff. It was written all over your face.” I jerk my chin at him. “Now, what do you need?”

He sighs. “I just wanted to check up on you. No one’s seen you for a few days. Edith at the grocery store is starting to get worried.”

“It’s been two days. It’s not unusual for me to stay inside while I’m working. You know this, and you’ve never come by to check on me before, so why now?”

He tilts his head to the side. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Well if you don’t know, I guess that means we’re done here.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Sorry to cut this little visit short, but I have work and company to attend to. You know how it is.”

“Of course, you’re right.” He nods erratically. “I’ll see you around, (Y/N).”

“Yeah, see you around.”

He tips his hat to me and turns on his heel, quickly picking his way through the yard. I watch him until he’s in his car and driving away, and only when I can’t see him any longer do I close the door.

“That was odd,”

I slowly turn around to find Thor standing there with Charles curled up in his arms. I shake my head and scrub a hand over my face.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Does he normally act like that?” Thor asks, following me as I head into the living room.

“No, he doesn’t. That’s why it was odd.” I crouch down in front of the TV cabinet and reach as far back as my arm will go, fishing around for the metal case my father had hidden there. Looking at it fifteen years later, it seems impossibly dusty and small.

“What is that?” Thor crouches beside me and allows Charles to jump down from his arms.

“They’re old protection runes my father used to have hanging up near the front door. We took them down about five years after we moved in when he was sure this was a safe place.” I flip open the lid to reveal two substantially sized Algiz cast in silver metal. “I think it might be time to put them up again.”

“You believe the sheriff wishes you harm?”

“No, but he was acting strange. The fact that you, a literal god, are sitting in my living room leads me to think that there’s something out there that wants to get to you. If that’s the case, then we could use all the protection we can get short of calling up an actual witch.”

I pull myself up and head back to the front door. I take the pictures from the nails on either side of the doorway and set them to the side before carefully hanging the runes in their place.

“How is it that you know so much of runes and magic?”

“Runs in the family,” I answer. I straighten one of the runes slightly. “My dad said that my great aunt Lacy had actual magic, but I don’t think that got passed down to me.” I shoot him a grin. “Would’ve been cool if it had, though.”

“How do you know that it was not?”

“I think I’d know if I had magic by now.” Thor raises his eyebrows and I tap the side of my head. "Heimdall.”

“Ah.”

“If you’ve got any information on my totally fake magic, it’d be nice of you to let me know.”

“It certainly would explain why you’re the only human that I’ve been able to get through to. Believe me, I tried numerous before stumbling across you.”

“I wonder…” I head into the kitchen to clean up the mess we made at breakfast. “How many humans with magic do you know of who can talk to gods?”

“None, though one recently managed to bargain with a cosmic being who could be classified as a diety.”

“Well, then I’ll take the title of God Whisperer, please and thank you.”

Thor laughs heartily but sobers quickly. “The sheriff mentioned that you haven’t left to get groceries in quite some time.”

“I haven’t.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I should probably make a trip to the store unless we want to eat canned soup and cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

Thor laughs. “It wouldn’t be awful, though I understand your reluctance to do so.”

“I think you put too much faith in canned soup.” He just laughs harder and I shake my head.

I fold my arms and squint out the window, mulling over what I should do.

“What are you thinking?” he asks.

“I’m thinking that we need food, but I’d rather not leave you here on your own, even if you do have a vicious guard cat to keep you company.”

“Would I be wrong to think that you’re able to order groceries?” Thor asks. He smiles when I raise an eyebrow in question. “It’s something that I’ve seen Stark do in the past.”

“No, you’re not wrong. That’s actually a pretty smart idea.”

“Well, the only person who's ever accused me of being stupid is my brother,” he says, an amused smile playing at his lips.

I laugh and grab the phone from above the sink. “I’ve never really heard anything good about him, so I won’t trust his judgment.”

“I appreciate that.”

I call the grocery store and one of the clerks picks up.

“Thank you for calling Family Grocers, this is Deb, how can I help you today?”

“Hey, Deb, it’s (Y/N).”

“Hey, what can I do for you”?”

“I was hoping I could order some groceries? I’m on a time crunch for this project for work and I don’t have time to come by and shop.”

“Oh, yeah, no problem at all! What do you want in the order?”

I rattled off a list of things I’d need and she says she’ll have it ready for me in an hour. I thank her and hang up. I frown and place the phone on its’ stand before moving to the living room. I pace back and forth in front of the couch, arms folded across my chest. Daisy wanders along beside me but abandons me for scratches when Thor sits on the couch.

“You’re worried,” Thor says.

“Of course I’m worried. I don’t know what’s going on here. You can’t seem to remember what happened to you, and now the sheriff is acting weird.”

“Police on this world have always baffled me,” he says. “I wasn’t sure what to make of the way he acted.”

I shake my head. “Sure, police suck, but he’s always been pretty obvious about what he’s after. He was just… really weird, earlier. Like just off in general.”

“I see.”

I stop pacing and face him. “Do you think any of this could have something to do with you? Whatever happened on Asgard before you fell here has to have had some kind of impact outside of the crater you left.”

“It’s possible. I just can’t remember anything.” He sighs and leans back against the throw pillows. “I wish I had just a shred of what happened. But everything is blank.”

“Don’t worry about it yet.” I watch him squeeze his eyes shut and scrub his hands over his face. “We’ve got time before anything serious happens.”

“How can you be sure?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Green gave up too easily. I feel like that’s a good sign, given the circumstances. If the runes help, it should buy us time to figure things out.”

He nods. “Alright.”

I take a seat on the couch, facing him with my legs tucked under myself. He reaches out and takes my hand in his. Daisy trots over and places her head in Thor’s lap and waits patiently for him to pet her. He sighs, smiles, and scratches behind her ears. When he scratches her chin her tongue lols out and Thor chuckles.

“Thank you, Daisy,” he says. “You’re a wonderful companion.”

She licked his hand and sat on his feet, contentedly wagging her tail when he continued to stroke her head. Thor slowly begins to relax and the tension leaves his shoulders when Daisy lifts her head and he leans down to press his nose against hers. He grins when she licks his chin and I laugh.

“I have a feeling that things will be alright,” Heimdall says. “All in due time.”

I nod and run my thumb over Thor’s knuckles. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Hmm?” Thor looks up from Daisy, eyebrows raised.

I shake my head. “Nothing. Just something Heimdall said.”

“Anything important?”

“No, everything’s fine.” He nods and is quickly distracted by Daisy again. “Everything’s fine.”

------------

Part 5

Thank you guys so much for reading! If you liked this chapter, please reblog, comment, or shoot me an ask! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Tag List:

@ghostlyhamlet​, @baguettegirl, @claws-of-vibranium​, @creaturefeatures101​, @buckysendoftheline​, @imagine-assembling-the-avengers​, @ptprocrastination​, @1950schick​, @amayasymone23​, @liladeldiamandis​, @arfrona-and-marvel​, @ek823​, @fanaticfangirl001​, @ilovebeingjoyful, @furrywerewolfcollector​, @kissofvenom922​, @not-that-type-of-person, @dawn-phantomhive​, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @silas-aeiou​, @thedoctorlivesthroughboosk, @mairhof1, @starryeyesbadguys​, @leahhavoc, @future-ll-evans, @trap-house-homiecide​, @buckywhitewolfbarnes​, @kaepm981, @howdoesoneadult​, @pcdmesamidala​, @thefandomplace​, @sian22redux​, @skeletoresinthebasement​, @lady-thor-foster​, @jazzcutie​, @gaytonystark​, @geeksareunique​, @leovcldez​, @nyxveracity​, @idalinette​, @tomorraw​, @breezy1415​, @feelmyroarrrr​, @darling-loki​, @lemonadeorange73​, @thisismysecrethappyplace​, @princess-unicorn124​, @queenoftheunderdark​, @avengerscompound​

This Fic:

@chelzwwefan​, @claire-of-the-country​, @sunflowers-and-swear-words​, @heystucky​, @annathewitch​, @thebdelliumlady​, @myfuturisticallysteadycollector​, @inumorph​, @slitherysneke​, @bojabee​, @givemethatgold​

[lesbianettes]

How to Not Be a Shitty Customer

A guide by your not-so-local, not-so-friendly grocery store worker! I’m gonna split this into three sections for easier digestion, but basically, here’s how you can even slightly improve the lives of the minimum wage overworked clerks/grocers, especially with all the panic caused by COVID-19 right now.

Disclaimer: This is centered around the way my coworkers and I experience our jobs in a store owned by a large company in the U.S.

Inside the Store

Most grocery stores are split into three sections- grocery, produce, and pharmacy! Somebody may work in only one of these departments, and might not know the others well. Don’t get frustrated if somebody doesn’t know the answer to your question.

It’s okay if you spill something/knock something over. I guarantee it. None of us really care that you dropped a container of blueberries, or you weren’t feeling well and threw up, or you knocked over a display. It’s not a big deal, and it happens all the time. Just tell us!!! It’s a lot easier to handle sweeping up cereal before it gets stepped on, and there’s nothing worse than finding old vomit when you’re sweeping. Accidents happen. Just tell someone.

Big box stores require frequent sweeps. For example, the company that owns my store requires the entire store to be swept every half hour. It’s tiring and the sweeper, which can be anywhere from two to eight feet wide depending on the store/aisle size, is heavy. If you see someone sweeping, just step out of the way. We’re used to people being in the way of the sweep, and we don’t want to run into you. Don’t apologize. Just step to the side for a second while we pass, it’ll be less than two seconds of your time. 

No one knows stock off the top of their head. If you ask someone if we still have something in stock, especially if they’re sweeping and don’t work in grocery, there’s a 99% chance they won’t know. If you’re nice, we might check in the back for you! And if we know for a fact we don’t have something, don’t argue. You won’t win.

We do not set the prices/sales/limits. Corporate sets the prices and sales, not us, and certainly not the sixteen year old putting go-backs on the shelf. If something you want doesn’t qualify for a sale, or it’s too expensive, there’s nothing we can do about it. Right now specifically, we have a limit on how much water people can buy because of the panic over COVID. Corporate set the limits. Water suppliers are also limiting how much they sell us. We cannot just give you more water. But if there’s a sale if you buy a certain amount (over the limit) and you’re nice, some checkers will give you the discount anyway.

At the Checkstand

Keep your basket in front of you. The cart you unload should stay in front of you, otherwise you make it harder for us to help other customers, and if there’s a bagger, they can’t make more space because we aren’t allowed to put groceries on the floor under any circumstances. If you have large items like water cases or twelve packs, leave them in your cart and the checker can come scan them without anyone needing to lift it.

No one cares if you have reusable bags or need new ones. In my state, people also have to pay a ten cent fee for each plastic bag. People make excuses about how they forgot their bags or whatever (which is sometimes true) but we aren’t judging you. We aren’t paid enough to care. If you do bring reusable bags, it’s easier for whoever bags, whether it’s the checker or a bagger, if you either fold them or keep them in one bag. Don’t put bags inside bags inside bags.

Sometimes, you should bag your own groceries. If the checker (the person scanning the items) is bagging your groceries, offer to take over. It slows the checker and the line down if they have to bag your items. But if there is a bagger, let them do it! The bagger is trained to move quickly, fit items into few bags, and protect fragile items like eggs from breakage. Baggers will also happily adjust for you! If you prefer lighter bags, just let us know, and we’ll make them lighter. If you prefer less bags, we’ll pack them full. Just let us know and we’ll accommodate you.

Don’t haggle. We can’t give you discounts that don’t exist or your items don’t qualify for. The computer controls it, not the checker. If you’re nice, the checker will try to help you get your discount/get the right item, but if you’re rude, no one will go out of their way to help you. We don’t control the prices or sale. We can’t change the way an item rings up. 

In the Parking Lot

There’s rules with the electronic carts. It’s okay if you need a scooter to do your shopping- we won’t be annoyed and we won’t judge you. But you can’t take them into the parking lot! They’re very hard to bring back to the store and they require more energy. If you use one, please let us know that you’re leaving so we can plug the car in. Most grocery stores will also be happy to assist you to your car- carry your groceries, put them in, etc if you need to focus on a mobility aid or you were relying on the scooter to carry the weight. We want to help you!

Don’t just leave carts around. Ideally, when you’re done with a cart, the best thing to do is to bring it back to where the carts are at the front of the store (usually outside of it) because most grocery stores require clerks to hand push carts back to the store. Taking it back yourself saves a lot of time, energy, and potential injury. If you can’t bring it all the way back for any reason, put the cart in a cart return. Most grocery stores have a cart return in every aisle, at the beginning and midway down. Some large ones will have 2-4 returns per aisle. It’s not fun to track down carts. Never, under any circumstances, leave a cart in a handicap spot or the connected blue stripes. We cannot block these areas, and the store can incur fines and the employee in charge of carts at the time can get in trouble for any cart being there. 

We want to take carts. If you see someone bringing carts back to the store and you just finished yours, ask if we can take it back to the store for you! Chances are it makes everyone’s life easier, and unless we’re already at pushing limit, we’ll say yes. 

Give the right of way to cart returns. Most stores require us to return carts by hand. We have to go to the cart return and/or collect loose carts, and push them back to the store. They’re heavy and it’s repetitive in order to keep carts stocked. If you’re a pedestrian, please step out of our path or wait for us to go by. If you’re a car, and it’s safe to do so, STOP. We’re likely wearing a safety vest in addititon to all the carts, so we’re visible. But it’s easy for us to get hurt when we’re bearing all that weight and we’re faced with your huge truck. A couple seconds of you waiting for the clerk to push the carts out of the way could be the difference between that person doing their job, and them getting seriously injured or in trouble. If we or the carts get hit by a car, we may face disciplinary action. Especially if there is damage to the car.

Finally, the majority of major grocery stores in the U.S. are unionized. We are safer and more secure than those who work retail/service and aren’t union. Yes, this is a difficult job, especially in a panic like the current coronavirus one, but you should extend this respect and care to any employee because they face awful conditions as well but there is no one to stand up for them. Be respectful and use common sense. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask me!

[vfdarkness]

Episode 6: Broken Mirror

INTRO

Dark ambient drone.

RYDER

You’re alone in a laundromat. A loud pounding comes from inside a washing machine. The washer’s door explodes open and dark water pours onto the floor. A hand rises from the water and beckons you.

A beat.

RYDER

You need my help.

DARK AMBIENT DRONE CHANGES TO:

INTRO MUSIC

RYDER

This is A Voice From Darkness.

Intro music continues, but gradually fades out.

ACT I

RYDER

Hello, this is Dr. Malcolm Ryder, parapsychologist - back from a bit of a break. I had to look into a few matters in person - sometimes the problems you call in with require more than on-air help. Later in the show we'll have Mike from Kansas call-in. Mike and I've been playing phone-tag for months now regarding strange leeches he encountered in his area. More on that later. But first, I'd like to introduce two new segments to our show. First off - National Alerts - where I'll let you know of ongoing supernatural issues occurring across the country - possibly in your area.

National Alerts music plays, fades out.

RYDER

If you're in Milwaukee, Wisconsin be on the lookout for an elderly man with white hair in a tattered reddish-brown trench coat. He shivers and holds himself as he walks. Stay a safe distance away if you spot him - as he reaches out to anyone who gets near. He’s grabbed hands and arms - any exposed skin. Afterwards, victims of his touch have reported a loss of warmth. More than that, the part of the body he touches experiences rapid frostbite. Several victims have been hospitalized. Four have frozen to death, despite being kept in warm rooms. Again, I repeat, if you are in Milwaukee, be on the lookout for a warmthless elderly man.

A beat.

RYDER

Our next alert is for Oregon - it's advised you avoid hiking near the Three Sisters. All trailheads are currently closed. Hikers over the past few days have reported time lapses, missing memories when they've returned from their hikes - in some cases spanning days. In all cases, the last memory they have is seeing a bighorn ram with grey twisted horns. Until more can be determined, and the ram possibly stopped, avoid the Three Sisters in Oregon.

A beat.

RYDER

And that is all this week for national alerts. Let's go to our next segment - Quick Questions. Every week I receive voicemails. Emails. Tweets - asking for advice on various paranormal matters. Most shows, I'm only able to get to one or two callers. For this next segment, I'll answer questions you send in.

If you have a question, feel free to write to avoicefromdarkness@gmail.com or tweet your questions to @vfdarkness.

A beat.

RYDER

Our first question comes to us via email from Sam in South Dakota. "Dr. Ryder," they write. "I live out in the middle of nowhere. There are three windows facing west in my dining room. At twilight there’s a man who stands at the edge of my property. He wears a black duster, wide-brimmed hat. I suppose he’s like something out of an old western film. If that wasn't weird enough, I can only see him in one of the windows. The other two - he’s not present. Every night, starting at twilight… he's there. He gets a little closer each night. What do I do?

Ryder thinks.

RYDER

Sam, you've no doubt heard me speak of the Unwelcome Riders on this show before - creatures that appear across our country on various roadways and abduct travelers - taking them to unknown realms. A lesser-known cousin to those awful beings are the Unbidden Homesteaders. The creature, if not stopped, will claim your home, your land, and you. There are thousands - tens of thousands - of small spots across this country where homes used to be. Families used to live - where there's only emptiness now. When you step foot on these spots of land, you feel something off.  An absence. In these places, an Unbidden Homesteader has taken whatever was once there. To prevent this happening to yourself, and your home, you need to salt the earth.

Leave a trail of salt, from the window you see the Unbidden Homesteader to the edge of your property. The creature will not walk on salted earth nor will he want to claim the land as his own.

A beat.

All right, next question comes from Chelsea in Rhode Island. "Dr. Ryder, over the past few days I've lost 30 pounds, my skin has cleared, and my eyes have this brightness to them that they didn't before. Men pay attention to me in a way that I haven't experienced. But... I can't digest solid food anymore. And I'm craving blood. Am I turning into a vampire?"

A beat.

RYDER

Short answer - Yes. Long answer - there's over a dozen different causes of what we commonly call vampirism - from genetic diseases, to parasites, to the more overtly supernatural. Without knowing more, it's hard to say what specifically you're experiencing. What you can do - take two large spoonfuls of minced garlic, mix into a glass of distilled water, and drink. If this makes you violently ill, the cause of your vampirism is natural, and curable. If you have no reaction, then the cause is supernatural. If that's the case, there is no cure. You're no longer human. I'm sorry.

A beat.

RYDER

All right, time for Today In Odd America, and then we'll hear from Mike from Kansas.

TODAY IN ODD AMERICA

TIOA music fades in.

RYDER

Today in Odd America we find ourselves in small Arizona town of Pulta. The year - 1985. One morning, before dawn, a truck driver making a delivery from Phoenix stopped at a gas station just outside of town. The station was empty. Lights were on, the doors opened for him, and there was a car off to the side, but no one present. He called the police - thinking a robbery might have occurred. The police did not answer.

RYDER

He put a message out on his CB. He received no reply.

RYDER

The truck driver, a man by the name of Earl Wick, thought maybe he should leave the town - call authorities elsewhere. But instead he continued his drive to the Pulta’s grocery store to deliver several pallets.

RYDER

Normally a grocer would meet him at the loading bay. But no one was there.

RYDER

As Earl wondered what he should do, the sun rose. The grocery store stood atop a small hill that looked across the desert. In the distance, miles outside of town, there was a pyramid.

RYDER

Something was strange about its texture - its silhouette - but Earl couldn’t tell what from a distance.

He had no memory of such a structure existing before.

So he drove to it - to see if that’s where all the missing people of Pulta went.

.

RYDER

He stopped his truck hundreds of feet from the pyramid at first -terrified to go further - as the pyramid was not made of stone... but flesh.

Thousands of naked bodies stood atop each other forming the pyramid. Bodies melded together - as if they were one singular entity. Arms and legs fused into torsos. The heads of some disappeared into the bodies of others. Many of the heads faced outward - gazing across the desert.

RYDER

Earl recognized some of the faces - the grocer who normally worked the night shift and helped him unload the pallets, the gas station clerk. All stared out dumbly into the desert, muttering, chattering nonsense. Earl vomited in the cab of his truck. He screamed into his CB until he got a reply.

RYDER

Military barriers were placed around Pulta. Nine days later they were removed. The pyramid gone.

RYDER

The military offered no explanation of what they’d done to handle the situation - did they destroy the pyramid? And thereby murder thousands of Americans? Did they move it to an undisclosed base? Are the people of the pyramid kept alive to this day somehow?

RYDER

The origin of the Pulta Pyramid and an explanation of what happened to it remain a mystery to the general public.

And now back to our main show.

TIOA music fades out.

ACT II

RYDER

And we're back. As I said before, while the show was on hiatus, I traveled across the country helping many of you in person with your paranormal problems. On the line now is Mike from Kansas. Mike first left a voicemail months ago. On a rainy night this past autumn he ran across a young girl in the middle of the road. When he approached her, she reached out a hand to him. Only when he offered his own hand in return he realized it wasn't a girl at all, but thousands of small leeches. They'd woven themselves together to have the appearance of a helpless child. Is that correct, Mike?

MIKE

Yeah, that's all how it started. Several of the leeches latched onto me, drank my blood. I thought I burned them all off with a lighter I keep in my truck. But I think at least one of them got away - because not long after - the little girl came to my house. And she brought others - other broods of leeches that looked like people - a fat man and an elderly woman.

RYDER

Yes, the Speculum Sanguisugae - more commonly: mirror leeches - have certain abilities - they'll work collectively to mimic the appearance of the last creature they've devoured. Once one of the leeches in the brood has tasted your blood, they'll have some of your memories. They use those to hunt you, devour you, and then take on your appearance to lure their next prey. I'm sorry I didn't stay in Kansas for long - I had a few other trips to make, people to help. Did what I give you solve your leech problem?

A beat.

MIKE

You mean the spiders? I really wish you'd told me more before you left. Clued me in on what the spiders were going to do exactly.

RYDER

If I'd done that, I doubt you would have gone through what you needed to do to get rid of the mirror leeches.

MIKE

No. No, I probably wouldn't have. Because it almost killed me. You almost killed me.

RYDER

Mike, the leeches were hunting you. Eventually they'd find you, devour you, and move on to kill someone else - using your face. If I hadn't-

(interrupts self)

RYDER

Why don't you state what happened. And after, I'll explain why it was necessary. For context, I dropped off a large terrarium containing hundreds of spiders. A certain species that have evolved to feed on the mirror leeches.

MIKE

But that's not all they do.

RYDER

No, it's not.

MIKE

After you left... I opened the terrarium. You said to do it in a dark place, like a closet or basement. You also told me to drink a glass of water beforehand... I thought that was weird. But I trusted you. Those were the only instructions you gave. You said the spiders would handle the rest - that they'd hunt the leeches.

RYDER

I didn't say the word "hunt". That would imply that they'd leave your home - search out the leeches.

MIKE

No, you're right. You probably said something else - like they'd kill them or something. I don't remember your exact words. I opened the terrarium in my bedroom. It's pretty dark in there. Soon as it opened...

A beat.

MIKE

Soon as it opened, the spiders jumped on me. Crawled over my body. Bit me. Before I could react, I was paralyzed.

RYDER

I'm sorry, Mike, but that's what was supposed to happen. NEEDED to happen.

MIKE

Well I didn't know that at the time. I thought for sure something had gone wrong. That you were wrong, gave me the wrong terrarium or something. Miscalculated. The spiders - they wove web all over my bedroom. They put me at the center - facing the door. Their web was sharp - like wire - they laid me into it. Strands cut into my skin. My blood dripped out, spilled over the web. Blood Droplets hanging on web all over my room. Drops of my own blood. Occasionally, a few of the spiders would move from whatever corner of the room they were in - stop weaving - and bite me again. Paralyzing me further.

RYDER

They needed you for their trap.

MIKE

I was like that for that night. The next day. I thought for sure I was going to die.

All because I went for a night drive. Because I got into a fight with my girlfriend. Because I called you.

A beat.

MIKE

Then... sometime after midnight the next night my front door opened. You said to leave it unlocked. Make it easy for the leeches to enter. Moonlight came in from the window and hit parts of the web. The spiders all hid in shadows. Down the hall, the leech-people shambled through my house. They knocked over furniture, opened every door searching for me. When they came to my bedroom door - they knew I was there. They opened the door. The little girl, fat man, and elderly woman were framed by my doorway like a disgusting family portrait. The little girl came forward first. The light from the hallway backlit her as she tripped into the web. She fell apart into thousands of leeches - like glass shattering. Her "face" looked at me as it broke apart.  I know she wasn't a real girl - an actual person - but it was devastating to watch.

A beat.

MIKE

The web must have had some chemical in it or something that made it so the leech-broods couldn't stay together in their fake human form.

RYDER

The shatter speculum arachnides -  glass shatter spiders - have evolved to almost exclusively hunt and kill mirror leeches. There's no chemical poison you can spray or trap you can put out. The mirror leeches are hunters and require a predatory to take them out.

MIKE

Every leech caught in the web, caused my whole room to vibrate like a bad carnival ride. Hundreds of the spiders jumped forward. They wasted no time- they devoured the leeches, wrapped others in webbing. The elderly woman stepped forward to see what happened to the girl. She too tripped into the blood-drenched web. Soon as she touched it, all the leeches she was made of fell apart. The fat man stepped back. Moved away from the door, and shambled back down the hall. I didn't see what happened, but hundreds of spiders chased after him. I passed out sometime after that. The spider venom, dehydration... some combination. My last thoughts were - the leeches were gone, but I was dead anyway.

A beat.

RYDER

Mike, I'm sorry you had to go through all that - truly I am. But it was necessary. The spiders are most effective when they have a creature in their trap - a creature the leeches are hunting.

MIKE

(offended)

A creature? I'm not even a person to you. Just something to put in a trap so one monster can kill another monster.

RYDER

I don't blame you for thinking that way, Mike. And maybe you won't appreciate this now, but think objectively: a terrifying hunter has come into your community. Become part of your environment. That hunter was after you in particular. One option would have been to let it simply kill you and then move onto another and kill them.

The other option was to "use" you so to speak to lure the hunter in, and neutralize it. We were successful. And you survived.

MIKE

No thanks to you.

RYDER

All thanks to me. Four days afterwards you woke up in a hospital - did you not? After being put into a medically-induced coma until the spider venom was neutralized. I'd instructed Cryptozoologist Dr. Sonja Patel to go to your home 48 hours after I left you. She had an anti-venom for the spiders. At your age, weight, and overall health, we calculated there was less than a 7% chance you'd die from this encounter - all while saving your community from a predatory species that might destroy it. You called me looking for my help and I gave it to. You're welcome.

A beat.

MIKE

While I was in the hospital - recovering - I had a lot of time to kill. I'd heard of your show before calling in. But I didn't know much about you. Not really. There's a lot of conspiracy theories about you.

RYDER

(impatient)

Mike, I'm not going to waste air time discussing inter-[cut off]

MIKE

(interrupts)

What happened to Julian and Miranda Holloway? What did you do to them?

Ryder hangs up on Mike.

A beat.

RYDER

Mike is no longer on the line. I'm happy he's alive, that he and his community are free of a terrible creature that was doing them harm. But I won't allow this show to devolve into strange conspiracies about myself and people I might have associated with in the past.

A beat.

RYDER

That's all for tonight. Thank you and if you're having problems that are supernatural, paranormal, otherworldly in anyway - please feel free to call-in next time on A Voice From Darkness.

Outro Music.