#ask them if they think a 22 year old is a fully grown realized adult. the answer is no

[skenpiel]

uuuu. havent seen conscience of the king in a long time but i remember the episode being very good overall. but kirk hitting on a 19 year old is creepy as fuck right. like. thats not just me, right.

[sunflowervolvimp3]

Well I imagine Liam did that because unless your name is Niall horan or Harry styles interviewers only care about his one direction days they discuss his first album success the ask about 1d and if he tries not to discuss the band people assume somethings wrong between him and the boys and answering questions about them/ praising them apparently leads people to think his album wasn’t good enough and he wants clout. Even though it was his band too and he can discuss it however he chooses.

In regards to age difference Liam is only 6 years older than his fiancé, Taylor was 4 years older than Harry when they dated, not to mention he’s also been linked to Caroline, Nicole scherzinger, and coucou who might I add is 8 years older than him. You may not like his music or his actions but we can’t praise Harry and shame Liam when the behavior is pretty much the same.

alrighty i wasn’t even going to respond to this at first because we’ve had this debate so many times and i am truly tired of having it so point blank period. i’m not a fan of liam. i don’t like his new music and i don’t really care about him so if that’s an issue for you then you can just stop following my account and we can both save some time and go our separate ways!!!! but what you said about the age thing caught my attention so i wanted to address that.

when i talk about big age gaps in relationships being strange to me, there are three things i consider: how old each person is in relation to the other, where they are at in their lives, and how does all of that affect a power balance in the relationship.

you mentioned harry’s past relationships, which have had larger gaps, and i’m glad you did!! however, you’re incorrect in saying i praise harry and shame liam for the same behaviour, because the behaviour is not the same. in a relationship with a large age gap, the fault always falls on the person who is older. i don’t care how mature you think someone is, or how grown up they seem, because you, as the older person, should be able to remember what you were like at that age, realize how much you’ve grown, and see that that younger person is at a different stage in their life.

so let’s talk about those three things i mentioned shall we!! to begin in broad aspects, i don’t think age gaps in relationships are inherently unhealthy, depending on how old each person is and what stage of life they are in. a four year age gap is illegal and predatory when the two people are 15 and 19, but at 28 and 32? that’s perfectly fine, because it is 1.) legal!! and 2.) a gap where both people are still in the same stage of their lives!! each person has finished puberty, maybe gone to university, maybe has a career, maybe has an apartment, but either way: they are both within the same stage of their lives. a 6 year age gap between a 14 year old and a 20 year old is predatory. an age gap between a 26 year old and a 32 year old?? could be a little big, but they’ve still completed a lot of the same milestones!! they’re both adults, they’ve both made it through their early 20s, they’ve both been out of school and seen the world!! 

now. liam is 26 and his girlfriend is 20, and they started dating at when liam was 24 and she was 18. at 24, liam had been in the spotlight for roughly eight years, released multiple albums, gone on multiple world tours, made millions of dollars, and had become recognizable by sight, if not by name.

and his girlfriend had just graduated high school.

try to wrap your head around that for a minute. think about what you were like when you graduated high school. how you saw the world. how you thought you knew the world. think about how a month before, you had to ask permission to use the bathroom. think about how a lot of people graduating were still growing, still developing, and still learning how to think for themselves. 

let’s say liam wasn’t famous. let’s take fame out of the equation. if he were a regular 24 year old, he’d maybe be graduated from university, moved out on his own, maybe had a job working in an office, or at a company, or something. he’d be paying rent, making connections, and be living an adult life. and his girlfriend wouldn’t even be able to legally drink yet.

think about the power imbalance there!! think about an adult man, looking at a newly 18 year old girl, and pursuing a relationship with her. and this 18 year old girl, listening to a man with a car, and a job, and an apartment, and so many other big, adult, grown up things, telling her she’s pretty, and mature, and lovely, and all these other things that make her feel special. because she’s not like other girls her age. she is special.

now throw in liam’s actual life at 24, the millions he has, and the fame, and realize how that power imbalance triples. think about how maya was around 10 years old when one direction formed. think about how she’s seen liam in the news and on magazines and on a pedestal for over half her life. and none of this even mentions that he has a child, who his girlfiend--now fiancee--will become a stepmother to. at 20 years old.

and that’s not to say that liam hasn’t been on the lower end of a power imbalanced relationship!! i haven’t forgotten that cheryl cole is 11 years older than him, meaning that when she first met liam on the x factor when he was 14, she was 25!!!! and then less than 10 years later, they had a child together!! in my opinion, that’s grooming, and it’s awful, and i don’t think it’s right. but that doesn’t excuse liam’s behaviour here.

which is why, as i said, i don’t consider harry’s relationships and liam’s to be in the same category. harry and caroline’s relationship, with him being 17 and her being 32 (?), has creeped me out since i first heard about it at 13. it was wrong. it was a huge power imbalance. i’m 22, and i consider an 18 year old a child. how could someone in their 30s see a 17 year old and think it’s okay to pursue a romantic and sexual relationship with them? they haven’t even finished puberty. they’re a child.

harry and taylor, as well, had a larger gap, and it does make me feel a little off when i think about it. granted, they were both doing the same thing and so relatively at the same time in their lives--touring the world, releasing albums, dealing with paps and press--but it was still a larger gap and not something i would do. 

idk anything about nicole scherzinger, but as for camille, the same thing kind of applies in my opinion?? it was a larger gap, yes, but they were both adults, both fully developed, both at relatively the same place in their lives, and hadn’t just become legal.

with age gaps, i find the older both people are when it happens, the more acceptable it is, because after a certain point, you’re at the same stage in your life and are thinking about the same things and have the same goals. and this is all a matter of opinion, so you can have yours, but you cannot convince me that liam, a father, dating a girl who had just graduated high school, is not creepy. the age gap of 6 years isn’t what’s bad-- it’s what stage of life they’re at.

and that’s my opinion!! i went a lot longer on this rant than i meant to because i wanna put it to bed!! i’ve gotten so many asks about liam’s relationship every time i say i don’t care for him or i think it’s weird and i’m done so!! this is it!! take it or leave it!!

[duckinthewaterbowl-blog]

A fun mental game

I’ve figured out (my version of) the Main Six Arcana characters ages.

I’m going to utilize in game details, from all routes and all tales. I am also going to refer to the devs “Ask Arcana” information. I’m really bad at guessing ages, so I won’t be using much in the way of how the characters look.

There are three very important time lengths mentioned in the story. The nine years from when Asra and the Mc first meet, and when Nadia came to Vesuvia. There is also the seventeen years when Asra met Muriel. There is also the month that Lucio spent with his tribe after his eighteenth birthday.

We know several things. 1) Lucio had to be at least eighteen before he could be Count. 2) He had to have had his arm chopped off before he could be count. 3) He had to be Count to have ordered Aisha and Salim to build his arm, and throw them in jail.

According to the devs, the cast in order of age is Asra, Portia, Muriel, Julian, Lucio, and Nadia.

Knowing this, we can begin the quest for age references.

It’s most likely that Lucio is somewhere in the 38-40 age range. To round it out, let’s say 39. Factor in the seventeen years, he would have been about 22 years old when he meets Asra and Muriel. This adds four years, in which he had run from his clan, they all died, Muriels whole clan died, Lucio lost his arm and met Julian, came to Vesuvia, and became Count.

Muriel remembers where he is from, and probably who his parents were, but not the circumstances surrounding his leaving, which means he might have been about 10 or 12 when he meets Asra, and adding in at least a year or two for him to move away from the clan and have them all die. Add the seventeen years back, and he’s probably 29 (remember, we’re rounding).

Asra was probably several years younger than him, so he was probably 7 when he meets Muriel, which would make him 15 when he meets MC, and sees Nadia coming to Vesuvia. (Remember: he said he was a lot younger when she first came. This does fit in.) This would make him 24 during the events of the story.

I don’t think there is any information about when the shipwreck happened? If anyone could tell me if I’ve missed something, be sure to let me know. But we’re here to guesstimate.

If Julian was working as Nazali’s apprentice during the time Lucio lost his arm, it’s safe to say he was probably in his early twenties. He was probably about 18 or 19 at the time, which would make him probably 35. This is a really weird time period that I’m gonna stretch to even 20 and 21, which could make him 37 or 38. There’s not really much information to go off of.

Portia is probably 27 during the game, which would make her about 10 or so when Julian would have left. This does fit in with what we know about the parents. Which is that Julian remembers more of their parents than Portia does. If it had happened five years earlier, he would have most likely been 15 or so, with Portia being 5 or so, during the shipwreck. There is very little information to go off of, even more so than Julian.

Nadia is older than Lucio, so I would say she is 40. She would have gotten married to Lucio at 31, and how she feels about her sisters is how I explain her age. 17 years ago, she was in her early 20’s. She had probably grown tired of being treated like a child, and her sisters babying her probably became the reason why she withdrew. As she became 30, she realized that the only way she would ever be able to prove herself to her sisters as a fully grown adult individual would be to become the ruler of a city that was considered “subpar” (thats how I would have described it, but I don’t think that’s how she thought of Vesuvia. She then goes on to find Lucio, marry him, and we all know what happens for the next nine years.

Disclaimer: This is a fan theory, and it is my theory. Please don’t come for my head saying that I’ve forgotten this important information, or that I am blind to how young the characters look in game. The characters are supposed to be very attractive, and younger people are more attractive to younger audiences. This is also just how I’ve interpreted the information given to me. Everyone is free to imagine the characters however they want.

TLDR: Asra is 24, Portia is 27, Muriel is 29, Julian is 37, Lucio is 39, and Nadia is 40. Pls don’t hate me.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E50 (Feb. 5, 2019)

Are any of us ever, really, on the internet?

This week’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Matt Mercer!

Brian shames Taliesin and Matt for (to be fair, accidentally) pouring coke in with their 22-year-old scotch. I am also physically pained by this. I may need a minute to compose myself. (@loquaciousquark: “I like how you’re Brian in this and I’m Matt.”)

Announcements: MAME drop airs three hours before Talks every week! Next week’s Between the Sheets will feature Will Friedle, and last night’s episode featured Quyen Tran! Critical Role will be taking this coming Thursday off, and Talks Machina will be taking next Tuesday off, but the show returns on Valentine’s Day!

But for now, let’s jump into Episode 50: The Endless Burrows

Stats for this week’s ep: Fjord got the 50th HDYWTDT in the 50th episode! The Roper’s crit on Caleb would have one-shotted him had Caduceus not reduced it by negating the crit. Spurt is the first on-screen guest player character death in the history of the show. Chris Perkins was at the table for 22 minutes and 15 seconds. Taliesin: “That’s an episode of network television right there.”

Chris was in town unexpectedly, and asked if he could come watch the show. Matt had written Spurt as an NPC character, just to see how the M9 would react to him. As he was driving to the studio, he realized it could be a lot of fun to let Chris play the character instead. Chris was on board, and Matt told him “You’ll know when to jump in,” and that was that. Nobody else had any idea he was going to be playing.

Caduceus is “in his element but out of his element” underground. “He’s looking for things to be excited about. Not a lot of things to be excited about here. It’s kind of awful.” Taliesin is trying to let him be a little more tactical, to just take care of things and do what needs to be done. “He’s on edge, but it’s a healthy edge.”

Matt clarifies that the party haven’t really emerged into the Underdark---they’re just skimming the edges of it. After spending a lot of time there in the last campaign, Matt didn’t necessarily want to bring it back there again.

Caduceus doesn’t see the group as being deceitful so much as just people who haven’t had the option of being open before. “He’s trying to make that option available.” Part of his training at the temple involved talking to people, helping them feel better, and helping them open up, so this is nothing new to him. Matt: “The solitary therapist.” Taliesin: “He really, really likes them.”

Spurt was originally intended to be a potential hindrance to keep the group from getting past the fire giants stealthily, if he wound up coming along with them. Turned out he... sort of removed himself from that equation.

On the parade of tragic backstories: “I don’t think Clay fully comprehends how bad this all is. I don’t know if he can comprehend art film horror. ‘That’s rough, man.’“ Matt: “He’s the Fred Tatasciore of the group.” Everyone is delighted by that comparison.

Matt was looking for opportunities to bring tragic backstories together. Taliesin calls it a “car crash” approach.

Why are D&D characters often so tragic? Taliesin: “It’s harder to make an interesting happy person.” Matt: “That’s true, but it’s not impossible.” He talks about how it’s natural to try to build something into a character’s backstory to propel them into the dangers of adventure. It’s also the opportunity for a player to work through something they’re going through out-of-game in a safe, cathartic way.

Caduceus is “still a little lanky”. Taliesin points out that this is to be expected because he’s a “vegan on the road”. There’s a long discussion about how the food he makes is “basically semi-firm tofu”.

Matt freaks out a bit about the unintentional callback... VM also being a mid-level party descending into the Underdark in search of a halfling and almost losing a rogue’s foot to lava. A lot of things had to go a particular way for that to happen, and he definitely wasn’t expecting it, especially since he was consciously trying to avoid familiar territory with the Underdark this time around.

Brian: “Which is funny, because the writers never even saw the first campaign.”

Taliesin points out that a trickster cleric is meant to be more of a toolkit, whereas a grave cleric build is more of a medkit.

Taliesin: “I’ve learned my lesson, and I have like three new character ideas ready to go, for this campaign or the next.”

There’s a lot of debate about where the hell Spurt got a skunk, which leads to the creation of the magical item Skunk Jug, which produces a skunk.

Caduceus enjoyed the romance novel, but it hadn’t “entirely clicked”. “He’s aware that: ‘Ah, they’re doing the hanky-panky stuff.’ It’s not really in his wheelhouse.”

Matt was very proud of the group coming up with their plan to get past the giant, and he felt a bit bad that Nott rolled so low (although he also loves the “magnificent clusterfuck” moments that are the hallmark of D&D). Brian: “That’s just a testament to how bad Sam is as a player.” 

Caduceus took Warcaster as his next feat. “This seems to be in-character and useful.”

Fan art of the week: Nott running across the lava! Taliesin: “I want to play that game. That’s an 8-bit game I want to play.”

Brian asks Matt if the game’s about where he thought it would be at episode 50. Matt: “We’re charging into Xhorhas earlier than I was expecting. We need to get Ashley back soon.” (They’ll get her back in a couple months.) He also points out that some story beats have happened in the world in the group’s absence. He didn’t want to tailor the story’s trajectory to manufacture a big moment in episode 50. The group’s involvement in the Empire has been less than expected, but the direction they’re taking is much more direct than he was expecting. Taliesin points out that if the group had been Vox Machina, they would’ve involved themselves in the politics of the war instantly. Matt reiterates that he loves DMing in a reactionary way when the players push in an unexpected direction.

All Taliesin wants to do right now is fix that sword. He’s expecting it to be, like, a +1 cursed sword that just sings constantly and can’t ever be put down.

Taliesin: “I’m enjoying corralling all the kids.” Matt points out that he’s a much-needed influence on the group. Beau is the one that Cad considers to be his best friend. Dani: “You two can’t not be best friends in this show.” Cad thinks of Fjord as an angsty teen. He thinks Caleb is occasionally up his own butt a bit. He hasn’t figured out that Jester’s an adult yet. “’Oh, she’s happy and fine. Thank goodness someone is.’ And obviously she’s not, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.” He’s disappointed in Nott for the amount of drinking, although he hasn’t said it out loud.

Taliesin: “Cad thinks dangerous things have wisdom. Sometimes just walking up to something and asking is very useful. Sometimes you can avoid getting arrested in front of a coffee shop by offering the officer a hot pocket.”

Matt talks about how getting players to avoid combat is a teaching process that involves incentivizing out-of-the-box approaches. That’s in direct contrast to the more traditional grind-through-fights approach to D&D that was prevalent in the early editions, so it can be a process. He points out that you can talk to players out-of-game, or you can change your own plans to allow players a non-combat win even if it’s a bit of a stretch.

Taliesin and Matt both own a pair of chaps. As you do.

Taliesin’s personal inspiration for Cad’s staff was very Dark Crystal-driven. The crystal comes from the land he lives on. He dug up the crystal and made the staff himself; the beetles crawl into and out of the stick continuously.

Talks Machina: After Dog

Brian: "Are you relaxed right now?” Taliesin: “Yeah, there’s something in this Coke that’s really...”

Taliesin got started with eyeliner in high school with Vampire LARPing. He had a (mumblemumble)”furk idee” that got him into goth clubs early. Matt first learned to apply eyeliner for cosplay, then wore it for the first time outside of cosplay clubbing with Taliesin (they also had an industrial goth karaoke night).

Dumbest way they’ve managed to injure themselves? Matt was editing There Will Be Brawl’s final episode, which was a bit too overambitious and he was the only editor, and he didn’t sleep for 72 hours and threw his back out horribly from sitting too long. Taliesin was doing a student film as a teenager, and was asked to do a stunt that involved holding someone up to a moving train (Matt: “What the fuck, Taliesin?”). He had really long goth nails at the time and managed to break all ten of his nails off entirely doing that stunt. “I didn’t drop him into the moving train!” Matt: “That’s why unions are good.”

Brian: “I lit myself on fire with a molotov cocktail.” Yes, really, but he wasn’t badly burned. Taliesin: “Did you at least hit the man? Did it stick to him?” Brian: “It was not a man. It was a porta-potty.” Matt reiterates how grateful he was not to have grown up with cellphone video.

Matt: “So you’re saying...” Taliesin: “I was Emperor Norton, yeah.” Matt: “Aw. I’m proud of you!”

We all learned... a lot today. See you in two weeks for episode 100 of Talks Machina!

[justwords]

In most cases I am a sane, calm, and rational person who realizes that there are limits to what is possible in the real world. This is not true. I just lied. I am completely irrational most of the time. I am rarely ever calm. “Normal” is a word that I can barely even tolerate. If you say it more than three times in my presence I break out in purple polka-dot hives and start to sweat. I would say that when it comes to my natural demeanor, I am somewhere between jittery, too loud on Tuesdays, and staring intently into a stranger’s open face while whispering in a made-up language (that sounds like Tagalog and Portuguese were pureed into a blender) the words: “Gosh, you are beautiful” over and over without breaking eye contact.

“Gosh, you are beautiful,” I say from across the crowded room.

“Gosh, you are beautiful,” I say while we are being introduced in Starbucks.

“Gosh, you are beautiful,” I say from the next stall over while tapping my foot way past the point of it being “normal.”

Most people usually just pretend like it’s not happening, so I’m not too bothered. But at least I am 99.98 percent reasonable. (Unless I’m in the middle of a psychotic break, which obviously only happens .02 percent of the time.) But deducting the rare occasions that I’ve grown iridescent blue butterfly wings; or angels are knocking outside my door at 3 a.m.; or I’ve confused a homeless person with God, again…I’m complete grounded in logic and reason.

Call me Bill Nye the Science Guy.

This is not exactly accurate. I’m lying again. I don’t believe that logic and science have anything to do with each other.

But I do take my pills every day. I have seen a therapist every Wednesday for more than a third of my adult life. And I fully understand the importance of doctors and nurses and hospitals, and showing up for my weekly “medical board-approved” chemotherapy and radiation.

But sometimes you just want a miracle!

Cedars-Sinai Samuel Oschin Comprehensive Cancer Institute has an impossible full five stars on Yelp.

The multiethnic nurses have perfect blond highlights, names that remind you of your favorite aunts and “play cousins,” and they genuinely laugh at ALL of your jokes. And for the last six hours I’ve been laying in my own private room of a very high end “infusion center” with an IV beeping every ten minutes as it drips deadly lifesaving poison into my system.

An “infusion center” is where most oncologist stuff the chemo patients with no other options into a sad little room hoping that they don’t notice the death, desperation, and loss that is mounted on the walls like so many beheaded beasts.

One hour of intravenous hydration. Beep

One hour of “pre-meds” Beep

Two hours of Chemo. Beep

One more hour of hydration. Beep.

And then they tie me down, blindfold me, and lock me into a thin caged iron maiden that bombards me with radiation until my flesh boils.

So many more beeps!

I’m nervous but I shouldn’t be, because this “infusion center” is a white and wide temple with private beds, and high ceiling, and invisible glass walls that bathe us in healing light. There are oranges, and bananas, and sugar cookies and ice cream, and applessauces strewn freely at my feet. And everything is as beautiful and diaphanous as the tinnitus ringing like church bells in my ears.

And it’s so glorious here it’s almost like I don’t have cancer. Or AIDS. Or HPV.

But the chaplain is in my room smiling warmly, and he wouldn’t be in my room (smiling warmly) if I didn’t have cancer.

He’s cute and nondenominational and broken-down around the edges in that sexy way that married men are.

He’s talking to me about what I think I will learn from the cancer. He’s not flirting with me. But he’s cute and grounded and one of those souls who can hold intimate space with a stranger. So, I am flirting. (I flirt with everyone. It’s a problem.)

But the chaplain is distracted. He keeps pulling out his phone and looking at something there and then back gazing at the large bag of cisplatin dripping into my veins….

And I’m just about to throw my juice in his face and scream “Pay Attention to me! Tell me I’m pretty!” And devolve into a three year old’s temper tantrum. Because I have AIDS AND CANCER and can do whatever the hell I want!!

When the impossible happens.

Something shifts inside of him. And he very solemnly lets me know that the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is on fire.

I take another sip from my juice, “Because so….”

“No you don’t understand,” he says in hushed tones. “This is miracle moment. When something of such spiritual value is destroyed, the clergy of the world are called to balance the harm with good.” He opens his hands and there are rose petals falling from his palms like stigmata. He smiles that warm smile and asks, “What would you have me heal my son? HIV or cancer?”

“Are you stupid? Both!” I scream.

“Shhh…I’m only a hospital staff, I’m not the freaking Pope! Choose one.”

I close my eyes to make my wish. And when I open them there is just the fragrance of vanilla and rose and two finished juice boxes. Now, none of this happened, obviously. But what if it did?

And since miracles can still happen out of make believe…

I’m choosing to be healed anyway.

Love and Light

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

HC: Backgrounds&Bullets

- Ellen & Bill: A Love Story

Ellen was almost five years older than Bill. They met when she was turning 23 and he was just 18 and working as a barman behind the bar at the Roadhouse his parents owned. Ellen had thought he was older cause his stubble and wise cracking jokes made him seem older. She didn’t actually realize he was that much younger until he’d already proposed after seven months of their dating and they went to sort out the paperwork. Ellen had freaked out at that point and tried to call the whole thing off claiming that he was “too young to know what he wanted” - but Bill wouldn’t hear a word of it, and continued to pursue her with flowers, and chocolates, and unexpected visits to her house to play very poor versions of her favorite Beatles songs outside her door every other night.

They got married right after Bill’s 19th birthday and hadn’t meant to have a family for a while. However by the time they started trying - they realized they were having troubles as it was. They had three miscarriages (all boys) before they gave up. Jo happened two years later and was a complete surprise - Ellen said she was a blessing, and Bill had cried for three days straight that “God is finally good to us”. It’s why Jo was called Joanna - as God was gracious to them, giving her to them - and Ellen named her middle name after her mother.

Ellen was an only child (and her parents passed away shortly after she met Bill), just like Jo; but Bill was one of three kids and his family was fully part of the Hunting World. His eldest brother (Benjamin/Ben - deceased during RP canon time at +56) and brother’s wife (passed away shortly before husband before Jo got to the bar) were the one’s who’s bar in Duluth Jo ran away to work at and now has inherited, while his younger brother (Jason/Jase) was bit and turned before killing himself (at 22) after a werewolf hunt when Jo was 5. Jo remembered Jase as always being extremely friendly and sweet, and would bring her different rocks as a ‘collection’ from all across the country whenever he visited when she was little. Jo’s paternal grandparents died shortly after Jase and she remembers Ellen tucking her into bed after they heard, telling her that they died from “a broken heart” over it all.

- Bill: The Hunter, The Myth, The Dad

Bill inherited the Roadhouse for certain after that, and Ellen tried to make the flat in the back upstairs as nice and homey as possible. Bill disagreed with keeping Jo out of the business entirely, and from the time Jo started learning to read before school, she was learning about ghosts and demons and things that went bump in the night. Ellen would always read her happy Disney-fied fairytales before that, but when Jo started school and started asking why terrible things happened unlike in those stories - Bill took over bedtimes and would read from the Grimm Brothers, Hans Christien Andersen and various mythology books. Jo loved anything to do with cunning foxes, wily coyotes or someone outsmarting the other, which slowly transformed into a fascination with gods and goddess’ and just “how do they actually work” at 8yrs old which turned into her first lesson on how religions transform into monsters.

Bill tried his best to be home every other weekend when Jo was growing up, and he and Ellen basically lived like a divorced couple that still loved one another - with him being on the road for upwards of a week at a time, before getting home just in time for Friday nights to spend quality time with both of his girls. It put a strain on their relationship for sure, but he couldn’t deny his need to help others, and Ellen knew that without being on the road he’d feel useless, emasculated and weak. They had screaming fights on the regular towards the later end of their relationship though - as Bill was away longer and longer times, and with people like John that Ellen worries wouldn’t look after him/watch his back and make sure that he got home to the family. Jo would creep to the stairs at night when the bar had closed and she could hear their voices screaming at one another, and would watch from the top to see just how long before Bill would wrap a screaming and crying Ellen up in his arms and try to soothe the hurt from his last time away. Jo would also regularly hide her favorite toy in Bill’s hunting pack just so he had to turn around and bring it back an hour down the road after one of those fights in the hopes Ellen would be happier to see him back so soon.

As much as he struggled in his personal life, Bill made a name for himself as a great hunter - specifically an amazing demon hunter. If there was a demon problem somewhere, most hunters who knew of the Roadhouse and of the Duluth Bar called immediately for Bill Harvelle to come and help or provide information towards whatever demon it was. He was known to be able to exorcism a demon fully in under an hour in a pinch, and a strong success rate of leaving the person alive and at least physically well when given the time to deal with the black eyed bitches. Bill knew more exorcisms than most men knew song lyrics, he knew more Devil’s Traps than any hunter he knew, and he knew how to pour salt down a burning throat without letting the tight feeling in his stomach show on his face. He was the one to teach John Winchester how to follow weather signals and how to follow electrical storms to track down a demon, he also would have been the first of the current generation (at the time) of hunters to get an anti-possession tattoo due to just how frequently he was around demons - but did not pass this information on before he died.

- Jo: The childhood years

Her first steps were taken in the carpark in front of the Bar, and had been when Rufus refused to bend down and pick her up - grubby hands covered in mud grabbing up at him before the hunter had continued his joking conversation with Bobby; she had slapped her hands in the mud again before rocking herself up to her feet without support for the first time before lurching the two feet forward towards the hunter’s legs, mud covering his own dusty jeans while Jo had laughed up into his surprised face as Bobby had made some joke about Rufus “always being the ladies man”. Her first teeth had fallen out when she’d tripped down the stairs and hit her mouth on the bottom step, a tiny scar used to be visible on the corner of her lip from it as a reminded to look before she leaped.

Jo’s favorite person was always Bill - who read her her bedtime stories, who kissed her forehead goodnight and goodbye every night and every day he left for a hunt, who held her in his arms and let her poke the pool balls around with a cue stick, who was the one to brush her hair and tie it in pigtails or plaits and would beat out some drum beat against her knees with his fingers whenever her favorite song (Jolene) came on the jukebox from the quarters she’d beg from any of her Uncles that were around and she’d sit up on the bar top to listen to it quietly. He was the one to buy her and teach her how to use a bow and arrow.

She loved her mom though, and Ellen had a way of making her forget that her daddy was away every time he left. Ellen would make up new games like ‘Count All The Hats’ or ‘How many pages can you collect’ which would have Jo bouncing about the bar after work sweet talking blank or filled in pages from the various hunters around the place from their journals to then have paper airplane competitions. Ellen would put on a range of songs that both girls liked more than any other person in the bar, and would entertain Jo with pages upon pages of squiggled lines for her to color until her heart was content. Ellen would make pancakes not quite how Bill made them every Saturday when he was running late, just so Jo could complain to her daddy about missing his breakfasts when he did get home. Ellen would put bandaids on all of her hurts, and even took Jo to ballet lessons for two years just to give her something to do to keep her mind off of Bill being gone - a bar was sat along the length of the bar at Jo’s perfect height so she could practice in her faded jeans and grubby flannel shirts during the day while the place was empty, and it stayed there until the place burned down. Ellen tried her very best, and Jo loved her mom so much for everything she did until it stopped.

Jo loved all of her Uncles. Uncle John was the best whenever he visited but Jo could always tell she made him sad for some reason, but he’d let her push his cheeks until he would laugh - he always had something special for her, a little trinket or a special candy she couldn’t get at home from somewhere all over the country; and she remembered the day he’d smelled like the brown drinks all the other adults drank and wouldn’t let her touch and patted her head sadly and said he liked the Roadhouse the best out of all the places in the world. Uncle Bobby didn’t visit often but always let her sit on his lap and read out of his Journal when he was around. Uncle Rufus was so funny - her mom didn’t think so but Jo found his dry humor far more amusing that a kid her age should have. Then there was Uncle Shawn who was a great hunter and shared secret looks with her dad and helped to either distract her mom so her dad could take her out back for more bow practice or would take her on longer and longer jogs while Bill distracted her mom in turn. He took her dreams seriously, the same as her dad did.

- Jo: Ten going on...

Her last birthday with her dad was her tenth birthday and Jo had been so happy and excited about turning ten - she was double digits finally and everyone said she was such a grown up lady. Her mom and dad had bought her a charm bracelet and every hunter that showed up that week had known about it and brought with it a charm from somewhere they’d been hunting - Uncle John’s was a tomahawk from near the Grand Canyon after some wendigo, Uncle Bobby’s was a pentagram from Salem where he had actually hunted witches!!!!, Uncle Rufus simply sent her a post card from Philadelphia with a Liberty Bell charm stuck down against it, and Pastor Uncle Jim had come to visit with an entire array of protective charms as well as a Virgin Mary and the cross. Other hunters added to it and in the few months before Bill died, her whole bracelet was almost filled up - and it was one of the only things she took with her when she finally left the Roadhouse.

After the 16th of May though when Uncle John came back with her dad’s leather jacket and the same red rings around his eyes and became just John for her; Jo stopped caring about school too much. The next year a blur and she couldn’t recall a single thing that had happened or that she had learnt other than that her mom was still there and she was still there, and that she wasn’t really a little kid any more. It wasn’t until the following year as she got her period for the first time right before her twelfth birthday and took that as the sign that she wasn’t the little girl Joanna Beth Harvelle any more and that she was just Jo, that she came out of the clouds and settled on a plan - work hard at training, learn as much as she could, and get out there to keep up the good work. She got training from Uncle Shawn -though she had dropped the Uncle by then to anyone inside the community. No one was really an Uncle any more really, they were her future partners and coworkers, they were her mentors and her teachers, but she didn’t call them Uncles any further to their faces.

She started getting into trouble at school at twelve - with fist fights, detentions and suspensions every other week, and constant trips to the school counselor to talk about “how her dad’s passing had affected her”. Jo learned how to fake cry in those sessions, but also how to not let her real tears out until the moon was high and she was alone in her room. Her school essays were barely a sentence long, her math scores were abysmal despite her being able to calculate a tip percentage in a few seconds or ring up customers orders and change before she’d even entered it in the till, her only decent classes were when she started workshop and automotive classes the next year. All she cared about was her father’s journal she stole from where her mom had hidden it in their room, and about training.

She learned hand to hand combat and sparring with Shawn every time he came by, and within a few months Jo knew how to use his body weight against him and thrown him off balance in a matter of moments. She began running to town, running to school and running back home the longest way - over three miles a day, more likely hitting the four or five mark if she got lost in her thoughts - and running out the back door of the bar any time her mom got on her case about stupid grades or the stupid boys she punched or the stupid journal that she kept trying to take off of Jo. Jo built up her skill with her bow too, and even though it was still a little small for her now, she could hit the bulls eye right on each time - now she’d moved onto adding throwing knives into her training alongside practicing with her bow.

- Jo: Teenage Runaway

She was just shy of thirteen the first time she saw him - a wicked smile and a lazy run of his eye over her, sizing her up - and Jo had felt a weird flutter in her stomach before she shifted her weight into a more defensive and strong stance, daring him down. It didn’t matter he was definitely on the other side of twenty to her - he made her feel much older than she was as he’d lean up next to her on the bar and tell her about things no one else would. He wouldn’t sugar coat anything, and he was the first man who’s bare chest she had touched since she realized how much she wanted to - he’d been showing off some wound from a vampire hunt and she’d not even stopped herself from reaching out. He told her about what went bump in the night, he told her about what different demons did and Jo had felt a burning hot flush when he explained one very specific type demon right before her thirteenth birthday.

Gordon promised her so many things and he taught her so many things. He promised her and showed her what a grimoire looked like, he told her all the demon types he knew, he promised to take her away from the Roadhouse one day when she could get out from under her mother’s demands just after her fifteenth birthday. He would compliment her knife skills, and would run his hands along her arms and back to fix her stance. He taught her how to drive stick and told her how good she looked behind the wheel of a real car like his. He drove her out to a field down the road on the night her school was having homecoming and actually let her whine about the shitty bitches at school for half an hour before he told her she was far too grown up for that stuff and stroked her cheek. Jo had been so flushed when he dropped her off just outside the carpark that night and had thought he really thought of her as an adult then. She was done with school shit the moment she’d kissed him back, but nothing went much further than that - that was just a distraction from her goals and Gordon knew all about having goals. It’s what made him so cool.

A month before Jo’s sixteenth birthday, Ash Miles arrived at the Roadhouse, blown in like a bad smell or something dragged in on someone’s foot and left behind without a care in the world. Jo had been the first one to notice him as he looked far too young to be a hunter, didn’t look like anyone in the town (what with his button up shirt and his mustard yellow knit vest, and his formal dress pants and gelled down military cut hair) and Jo thought he looked like he could use some cheering up. He’d been crying. She could always tell when someone had been crying. They played cards in the back corner for hours as hunters came and left, and Ellen was the next one to spot him before she realized he was a lost boy. From there, they offered him a spare bed for the night and he never left again.

Jo hadn’t had brothers. Before then the only kids she’d really met in the Hunting World were the Campbell Cousins - Gwen, Mark (who she shared her first technical kiss with under the oak tree out the back when she was 8 and he was 10) and Johnny, plus their much older brother Christian. She had heard several times and seen a photo of John’s boys from him and Bobby, but she had not ever had the chance to meet them. Otherwise, she only ever spent time with adults. And Ash being about 6 years older didn’t much function into her care. Yet Ash never got the moniker of Uncle (the same as Gordon didn’t) but Jo knew he was her family within three days when he snuck her out the back yard to go shooting beer cans for the first time ever, and Jo helped him cut the sleeves off of his shirt with an old steak knife. She liked having a brother for sure.

It was completely unreasonable the way Ellen reacted when she found out about the hunt with Gordon though. They were partners, and Ellen thought she knew the other hunter better than Jo did! That was complete bullshit, and the suggestion he had used her as bait had rung in Jo’s ears for hours after she’d been dragged home after the rawhead’s breath had brushed against her face and Jo had struggled to force it away from herself before Ellen appeared and pulled her back. Jo couldn’t believe the completely mortifying way Ellen had screamed at Gordon that night back at the Roadhouse, while Jo still smelt of rotting flesh and Gordon had rolled his eyes at the mere suggestion she was bait. Jo knew it was more than that, but trust her mother not to see it that way. It just made Jo more determined though - and frequently managed to squirrel herself away or sweet talk her way into some hunter or other’s car, headed towards whatever next big bad thing there was out there before Ellen would call and scream and threaten until the hunter turned around and left her in the dusty gravel turn off without another thought.

Regardless, despite Gordon’s excommunication from the Roadhouse after that, Jo found it easy enough to keep in touch through email and phone calls, and working with Ash instead gave her another outlet for her anger, frustration and annoyance at being stuck in the podunk town when she should be out hunting. Ash taught her how to hold the smoke in her lungs long enough before blowing it out, and he even taught her how to blow smoke rings as they’d lie about on his bed with a packet of weed to share between them and some Led Zeppelin track on in the background. He’d even been the one to help her deal, even just a little bit, with her father’s death for the first time - he was the first person she’d cried to since John came back. He was her best friend, and he kept her secrets - including the number of ‘sleepovers’ at some girl in her classes house she would have that were really her running down the road and climbing into the passenger seat of Gordon’s truck to drive about and share any information Jo had heard, and him to teach her a little bit more about hunting. Ash might have been the first one to take Jo shooting, but Gordon was the one who got her eye lined up just right.

- Jo: College Sorority Girl, Or Not

At 18 Jo finished school with a pretty average GED for someone who really did not care to pass anything. She went to the local-ish college three towns over, and with the money she hustled playing pool and Duck hunter and wiping the floor with hunters at poker, she managed to buy a car and pay for a dorm room out from under Ellen’s watchful gaze finally. It had been a dream come true when she boxed all of her things, including her knife collection and her dad’s journal secretly hidden away yet again from Ellen, up and left the Roadhouse. However it quickly turned into a nightmare at how dull and boring her roommate was and how often the tall, willowy black haired girl would freak out uncovering something of Jo’s. It had taken barely a month for the pair to put a masking tape line down the middle of their room, seperating Jo’s spartan except for her books side from the roommate’s side covered in throw pillows and knick knacks.

Jo had majored in History and had taken every single elective course there was on mythology and folk lore and religion. She had been an actually decent student for the two years she did at college - averaging A-’s for most of her classes and getting extremely good grades in her classes about the gods and goddesses of forgotten and past cultures. That was up until she went to the teacher’s hour for those classes and the lecturer - a not wholly unattractive, middle aged and unhappily married man from what she could tell of his hilarious anecdotes connecting the Greek tragedies to his real life - had ran a hand up her thigh and she threw a right hook into his jaw followed by a knee to the groin. She was packed up and back on the road to the Roadhouse that very night without a single regret and not finishing out her last year.

She met Rick that Christmas, and while he didn’t make her stomach flutter like she remembered from her teenage crush, he was exceptionally cute and he didn’t listen to Ellen at all. Or at least, he didn’t when it came to the nonverbal glares to back off. They fooled around a bit - Jo dragging him out the back of the Roadhouse to kiss against the dry, splintering wood almost every time he came past, and he even got so far as to slide a hand in her underwear before the noise of a car backfiring had scared him back down that it had been Ellen with her shotgun. After that, they dated and kissed, and sometimes he would take her out to a movie if he was in town for more than a day or two; but overall it was just something to pass the time until he didn’t come back. That was the moment the reality of what being with a hunter meant settled in for Jo, and that was not the life she wanted for herself.

It was another long year of wiping down tables, flirting with guys that nothing would ever happen with, smoking pot and giggling with Ash, and trying to ignore the never ending stack of case files behind the bar that she compiled herself more than any one else before the Winchester’s blew in and Jo finally decided it was time to be the woman she wanted to see in the mirror, not the little girl who stayed behind.

[justshamie]

It’s been a while.

When Fareeha get’s hurt and she doesn’t think it’s bad and Angela needs to keep up with the stubborn Amari. Slow burn.

The low hum of VTOL’s engines sounded throughout the hold area. The roaring shouts of Reinhardt's could be heard even down in the most deserted parts of the huge ship. The whole team was getting back to the watchpoint after a successful mission and nobody seemed to care about how tired they were. Zarya and Reinhardt were arm wrestling on the debriefing table in the main area, while Tracer cheered on them piloting the ship. Even the old Commander Morrison seemed to be in a good mood as he sat on the couch looking closely at the duel.

"Please do not strain anything, I would prefer not having you in the infirmary just because you went too far" Angela sighed, knowing that she might as well not say anything, either of the two wouldn't dare to give up. She came up behind Winston asking how far from the base were they. Estimated time of arrival: 22 minutes.

"You are still coming in for a check-up when we get there" Mercy glared at Reinhardt, who just smiled putting all of his force in the death grip he was in with Zarya. Neither of them seemed to budge, but the grin on Zarya's face showed that she was having fun.

"Don't worry, my friend! I got this under control!" the old man roared trying to glare down the Russian wrestler.

"Yes mooom!" Hana smirked from the corner she was sitting in together with Lucio. Angela just put her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She loved whole of the Overwatch family they created, the old and the new additions, but after the recall first week of their comeback she became like mother to the younger members of the team, and after three months of operations she still couldn't get used to being called 'mom'. Even Bastion who seemed to be only understood by Lucio and Zenyatta, beeped happily and waved his armored hand at her, seemingly saying something polite.

She glared at the two youngsters that were lost in their world. "I'm not letting anyone go this time." Angela sat down in her usual spot, close to the big door. She looked around giving each of them a quick glance turning on her visor and checking their vitals. Everyone seemed to be a bit bruised maybe had a few cuts, but they all seemed to be in the best condition they could, after the hell they just went through. Angela felt like she was missing something. Something or someone.

"Did anyone see Pharah?" she tried not to look as concerned as she was.

"She went downstairs, said she needed... HA! TAKE THAT!" Hana started to explain, tapping at the handheld game. "... some time off."

"Ten minutes to landing!" Winston shouted from his chair. Angela decided she still had the time to find and check-up on Fareeha. She was excited when she first heard that she was going to join them, but she never expected to be hit with the familiar feeling from seven years ago. The feelings like her whole world was shaking and she couldn't think straight. That feeling that only came to her when she was around Pharah. The once small child that wanted to find justice in the wretched world. Now grown up and battle-hardened warrior, with perfectly curved jawline and that long stare that seemed to look right into your soul. Angela melted under that stare. As much as she didn't want to squander their friendship, she stopped lying to herself and admitted that she indeed might have had feelings for Fareeha, which were more than just friendship. She came down the stairs into the hold area, only to find Pharah halfway lying on one of the chairs still fully in her armor.

"Are you alright?" Angela asked quietly, voice filled with worry.

"I'm fine,” came the even quieter response. "I'm just tired."

"You went ahead without backup, are you sure nothing happened?" there was a moment during their mission when Pharah suddenly disappeared from any radar. The only indication that she didn't go AWOL was Jack's 'I sent her ahead, she will be back in a moment’ when Angela gazed at him ready to find her at all costs. After they got back onto their transport Fareeha hasn't said a word and disappeared somewhere. Angela didn't have the time to even check if she needed any immediate help. Jack reassured her that Fareeha would say so if that was the case. Maybe she just needed some time alone.

"I'm fine," the all known answer that Pharah had perfected.

-

They landed inside the base not much after. Winston took to unpacking any equipment that needed checking or restocking. The whole team getting ready for celebration. Angela wandered off to the medbay to take a shower before starting to take anyone for a visit. 'At least I can get the dirt and blood off myself' she thought sighing. She was tired. After having twenty minutes to herself and barely putting on a fresh coat, there was already people waiting in the med bay for her. Everyone was eager to join the celebration and probably the drinking festival that was going to start soon. She couldn't blame them. They all had their own methods to relax, she would rather sit down in peace and quiet and read. She was happy about the mission ending well and that there weren’t any casualties, but she didn't feel the need to drink till she passed out. Something tugged her at the corner of her mind telling her to still be cautious.

"Doctor! You should join us!" Zarya roared when she finished filling her medical report and telling her she's done. Angela felt a big hand on her arm. Strong but gentle. Zarya smiled from ear to ear when she turned around to look at her.

"I will think about it" Mercy replied with the same wide smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. She didn't mind joining their drinking from time to time, but not today. She saw Zarya scrunching her brows looking at her expecting a different reply.

"Aleks, I'm sure Angela will join us if she will want to" Mei's voice sounded softly from the couch near the entrance.

"Sorry" the big Russian woman suddenly became much smaller than she was. "I'm just worried our dear doctor will become a social recluse. That's all."

"I'm just tired Aleksandra. I'll join you next time." Angela smiled at her, knowing she meant well. She knew them both, and she knew she didn't need to pretend in front of them. She was a human after all and she wasn't perfect. She said her goodnights with them, knowing that they were last to wait. Turning off the light in the medbay she went into her office. The moonlight letting her navigate to her couch, where she fell silently covering her eyes with her arm. All the fatigue making her let out all the air out her lungs and breathing in again. It was a long day. All that she wanted was to close her eyes and fall asleep. During her hazy state in between sleep and consciousness a thought hit her.

'Fareeha'

She stood up in a second feeling dizziness hit her head. The Egyptian soldier haven't shown up in the medbay since they landed. Nobody even mentioned anything about her throughout all the visits. 'Maybe she just went to sleep' Angela knew that Pharah wasn't one to say that she's hurt, but at the same time maybe she was just as tired as Mercy was. 'What if she is hurt?' sudden panic went through her mind. Fareeha even with her reluctance to admitting to being wounded didn't have the habit to miss the after-mission check-up. Even if it was just a formality, she knew that writing reports is part of the job. She grabbed a first aid kit from her desk and her big fluffy sweater that replaced the white medical coat that was laying on the ground. Never knowing when she even managed to take it off. Leaving the medbay she heard the sounds of music and laughter in the far end of the corridor. At least the rest were enjoying themselves. She went the other way following path to the living quarters and found herself in front of Fareeha's door. 'What was she going to say when she opens it?' Angela felt out of place. 'She's an adult I can't treat her like a child and scold her'. Biting her lip, she knocked on the door without realizing what was she doing. She heard a quiet thump of metal hitting the floor and a few moments later they opened. Fareeha was standing in front of her, slouching and holding herself up by the wall. Her eyes were dark, and she looked like she hasn't slept for the past few days. As much as Angela felt confused and lost before knocking on the door it got replaced by worry and concern.

"Fareeha, I..." she wanted to say something that would make the soldier feel better, but words got stuck in her throat. Pharah in all of her might looked powerful and intimidating, but the person in front of her was just a shadow of that image.

"Angela" she paused for a moment, looking like she found her salvation. "I didn't expect you here."

"I expected you at the infirmary" the doctor answered quietly, squeezing the first aid kit. 'Why are we doing this, she should be lying in bed, she's hurt. Stop pretending in front of me.'

"I'm sorry I fell asleep." at this Angela barely kept her calm demeanour.

"You are hurt." it wasn't a question, it was an accusation. 'Why didn't you tell me. I don't want you to feel this pain.' Angela's mind was filled with different thoughts. Fareeha just stood there in front of her barely holding herself upwards, she could have stopped it, she could have caught her on the battlefield. In between bullets and rockets, in between the roaring of Raptora's engines she could have found her and helped her. Yet here they were. Standing in front of each other, not sure how to continue this. Fareeha noticed the red aid kit in Angela's palm. She didn't say anything anymore, she moved to the side letting the blonde in. Door shutting slowly behind them. Angela put an arm around her and helped her settle on the bed. Slowly she took in the soldier's room. A punching bag in the corner next to a window that was looking out at the cliffs outside, the moon high up in the sky lit it just enough not to turn on the lights. One of the windows open letting a cold sea breeze inside. It was much messier than she expected, clothes sprawled on the floor with drawers and wardrobe open. It looked more like a teenager's room. A desk next to the bed with tons of pictures hanging above it, of her mother, of Overwatch old and new, of her team at Helix, of Egypt. Just looking at them Angela realized that Fareeha may have not been very talkative and social, but she appreciated and loved her family and friends. Angela took notice of one picture especially. She and Fareeha were standing just outside the huge VTOL with arms hung around each other and big grins on their faces. 'Our first day back together at Overwatch' Angela thought fighting tears. Her foot hit something hard and metal underneath the bed, when Fareeha was settling down. She looked down and the realization downed on her. It was part of Raptora. A usually polished back plate of the armour was laying on the floor. Bended and ruptured in the ways it wasn't supposed to be, dirty and bloody. Angela wanted to ask what happened but the look on Fareeha's face told her there were more important things now. The Egyptian was laying on her stomach breathing making quiet wheezing sounds. No more 'I'm fine', just deep brown eyes looking directly at her. No lying, no pretending. Just Fareeha, hurt and defeated. Angela forgot about everything, focusing just on her goal of getting her back to health. She brought the top Fareeha was wearing upwards showing all of her back. Feeling blood in her mouth she realized how hard she bit down on her lip when she saw it. Bruises, scrapes and wounds were everywhere, it seemed as if the armour wasn't pierced fully but all the metal that was moved lodged itself into Fareeha's body. It came off with the back plate that was laying on the floor and now her whole back was mess. Angela wanted to shout at her why she didn't say anything, but knew it wasn't going to help now. Mercy turned on the nightlight next to her and started with the wounds that cut through the skin. Blood already dried staining Fareeha's skin with deep red colour. She got up, feeling Fareeha's stare at her. She went to the bathroom grabbing a bowl from under the sink and filling it with warm water. Not daring to look in the mirror, she felt like it was her fault, she should be in the med bay the moment they landed. A towel that was hanging on the shower's bar seemed good enough to clean the wounds. She came back setting the bowl on the night stand and getting to fixing the state Fareeha was in. Through the whole process of cleaning, disinfecting, spraying with painkiller meds and bandaging, Fareeha didn't make a sound, with her eyes firmly locked on Angela. Slim fingers working with precision not to cause any unnecessary pain to the soldier. A deep breath left Pharah's mouth.

"I'm sorry." she turned her face the other way. Was it always this way between them, the silence filling in the blanks in their conversations, long looks exchanged, no hard topic touched, just running away. Angela's mind went on a tangent, she needed to get her on the medical table, do X-rays, check her lungs, the wheezing still present while she took shallow breaths. Her ribs could be broken, any reason that could cause her pain came to her mind in an instant. A warm hand gently caressing her cheek pulled her out of it. Fareeha swiped the tear away from her face, looking at her again.

"I'm sorry." she repeated, gently squeezing her hand. They interlaced their fingers, Angela felt how her heart started slowing down, only Fareeha calmed her down like this.

"I need to get you to the infirmary," she said after a moment. "I need my staff, and you need an x-ray."

"We don't want to stop a party." Fareeha smiled weakly and Angela felt something inside of her start to boil.

"You are so stubborn," she raised her hand, pinching the bridge of her nose. She tapped her wristwatch and without thinking she called Mei. Moments later she saw the image of the Chinese scientist sitting on as she assumed Zarya's lap. She didn't turn on her camera.

"Angela! Did you decide to join us?" she was grinning, being squeezed by Zarya.

"Are you talking to the doctor?" the Russian chimed in sticking her head next to Mei's. Fareeha sighed deeply, turning her head away.

"Mei, I need you two to bring me a stretcher from the infirmary to Fareeha's room." suddenly the grins on both of their faces turned to expression of concern.

"Is everything alright?" Mei asked urging Zarya to get up.

"Yes," she answered looking at Fareeha's back. "No, I have it under control. Can you please not tell anyone else? I have a stubborn Amari under my care."

So I wrote this Pharmercy thing a while ago and I don’t really post much these days, so I decided I will post this instead. If you guys like it I can post it on Ao3 and I also have more, that I’ll keep for myself if noone is interested.

[justanoutlawfic]

Where The Heart Is: Chapt. 11

Story Summary:  The sequel to “I Won’t Let Go”. 22-year-old Emma is back home in Storybrooke. Just when she thinks she has things all figured out, she gets a very unexpected surprise. Mary and David are still by her side, trying to help their little girl deal with the real world.

Chapter Summary: Emma and Mary plan a party, while also discussing something the former has been putting off for months. Little do either realize, shit is about to hit the fan.

Also on AO3/FF

Mary and David sat on the edge of Neal’s bed, watching him carefully. They had gotten home from the hospital earlier that day and he had been so exhausted, he had willingly taken a nap for the first time since he was a toddler. They watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling. They couldn’t help but stick by his side. They weren’t sure how they were going to let him out of their sight ever again. A trip to Archie was definitely necessary, but for the time being, it was just them.

“Guys, this is overkill,” Emma mumbled.

 David smiled down at her, they weren’t letting her out of their sight either, adult or not. She was curled up into David’s side, who had an arm around her. Mary had a hand on her stomach, clearly thinking that’d protect both her and their grandson. She was putting up a fuss, but obviously didn’t care too much.

 “Suck it up,” Mary said. “You’re our babies. We’re spending our first night back home together.”

“You’re lucky that dad is comfortable,” she replied, letting out a content sigh.

David chuckled, ruffling her curls. “Seriously, Princess…how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“Really?”

She sighed again, this one not as happy. “Honestly, I’m just glad he’s away. Hopefully the prison won’t be so stupid to let him out again.”

“We won’t let that happen. He’ll never be able to hurt you or Neal again.”

 Mary watched as Emma’s eyes drifted shut, rubbing her back. It wasn’t long before she began softly snoring. She couldn’t help but giggle at that.

 “She somehow gets that from you.”

“I don’t snore,” David protested.

“Um, yeah, you do.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s weird the little things they seemed to inherit from both of us. Neal’s love of books from you, Emma wanted to become a cop like me, they’re both stubborn just like you…”

“Hey, that’s a trait from you, mister.”

“I’d beg to differ. Look at you.”

Mary looked down at Emma, smiling softly. “Nah, she was stubborn from the moment she got here. Remember how long it took her to actually accept our help?”

“I thought she’d kill herself with the dishwasher.”

“Can you believe how much she’s grown since then? I don’t just mean emotionally.” She frowned a bit. “Sometimes I look at her and all I see is that little girl.”

“I know, I do too. Now that little girl is having a baby.”

“She’s going to be an amazing mom.”

“Well, she did learn from the best.”

 Mary smiled, pecking his lips and leaning into his other side, pulling Neal a bit closer in his sleep.

 “We’re going to have another baby around here soon,” she mused. “We’ve never had an actual newborn here.”

“We used to babysit Gideon when he was that age.”

Mary gave him a look. “It’ll be a bit different from babysitting. Though, I guarantee that Miss Stubborn here is going to insist on doing most of the work herself.”

“Of course she will.” He paused for a moment. “Do you ever think about reaching out to Bae?”

“You mean to kill him?”

“I just want to talk some sense into him is all. He’s young, maybe he doesn’t realize what his reaction is costing him. Maybe, he’s changed his mind. I’ve known him for years, I really got to know him once he became friends with Emma. This just doesn’t seem like him.”

Mary frowned. “It doesn’t, does it? But you know what they say, babies either bring people together or tear them apart.”

“Still...after all his mother put him through…it just doesn’t seem like something he would do”

“What are you trying to say? That he was taken over by an alien?”

“Look, I get what you’re saying. This isn’t the Bae we know, I doubt it’s the one his parents do either. At the same time, how much have we really seen of him since he took off to see the world? Sometimes people change, David. It sucks and I wish it didn’t, for our daughter and grandson’s sake…but it happened. All we can hope is that in time, he sees the error of his ways and that Emma will let him around when he does. Your father came around for you.”

“I just hope it doesn’t take that long for Baelfire.” He chewed on his lip. “So, you don’t think we should reach out to him?”

“No. Emma says she plans on telling Belle and Ralph, let her do it in her own time. They can decide what they want to say to their own son about it. I think we know that we’d have something to say to Neal if he was acting this way.”

“I guess you’re right.”

 David kissed her temple and leaned against Neal’s headboard. He knew Emma was putting on a good front, but also knew that all of this had to be killing her. There were so many things in life that he could fix for her, this wasn’t one of them and it was killing him.

Emma rubbed her hands together, a huge smile on her face. She had finally gotten her appetite back for grilled cheese and was celebrating by eating the biggest one that Granny’s had to offer, along with a large side order of onion rings. The kid had also stopped his grudge against hot cocoa it would seem, so she was able to enjoy it again.

 It had been 2 months since the kidnapping. Life hadn’t been easy, not by a long shot, but they were adjusting. Both she and Neal had been seeing Archie for their trauma and it seemed that Neal was slowly getting through things. He still struggled with his fears of turning into Ed and as Archie put it, he had a hero complex to get over. He wanted to save people, he didn’t want them to get hurt like his sister had. It was sweet, but it could lead to him getting in trouble down the line. He was learning when to step up and when to ask for help.

 Emma hated seeing her baby brother go through hard things. She just wanted him to be a kid. He could be, to an extent, but there were these fears looming over his head. Ed had stolen a part of his childhood, just as he had stolen all of hers. It was a sad reality and one neither would ever really be “over”. They were lucky to have each other to lean on. Their parents were supportive, but they’d never fully understand. They spent many nights cuddled up together, discussing everything. Emma told him parts of her childhood that she felt he could handle, Neal shared his fears.

 They had a decent age gap between them, but they were still close and could still go to each other. Emma was really grateful for that and she knew Neal was too. She wouldn’t trade the bond they had for the world.

 Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden binder being dropped in front of her. She blinked a few times before looking up and finding her mom standing there, a huge smile on her face.

 “Mom?” She raised an eyebrow. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

“I called the station and your dad told me you would be.”

“Oh.” She smiled, it had been awhile since they’d had lunch together. “What’s this?”

“It’s just some ideas I’ve had,” Mary explained, sliding into the other side of the booth, beaming. “For your shower.”

Emma groaned, rolling her eyes. “Mom.”

“Oh come on, it won’t be so bad. Every mom should have one for her first child.”

“You didn’t have a shower,” Emma pointed out, cheekily.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Well, they don’t have showers for sarcastic teenagers.”

“And somehow you survived and were able to become a mom. I will too.”

“It’s not just about the gifts, it’s about celebrating the fact that you’re bringing a life into the world.”

Emma sighed. “Look, I’m not entirely opposed to the idea for that. I just don’t want anything too cutesy. Nothing blue or gender specific, yes he’s a boy, we don’t need to make a whole fuss about it.” Mary flipped forward a few pages of her binder and she cocked an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“Just a little something I’ve thrown together, it’s ideas for your shower.”

“When did you put it together?”

“Maybe a little after you told me you were pregnant, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

 Emma couldn’t help but laugh. This was her mother, a planner to the very end. She started looking through some of the designs her mom liked. They weren’t really her style, but she was trying to keep an open eye. Then, she found a cool idea that stuck out to her.

 “I like the yellow bugs,” she said.

Mary grinned. “I picked that one out before we found out you were pregnant.”

“I think that’d be cool…especially using yellow as a jumping off point. It’s a neutral color and you know I’m partial to bugs.”

“So, you’ll go with this one?”

“Yes, but I really don’t want it to be a huge production, small guest list.”

Mary Margaret nodded, starting to take notes. “That’s fine. Who were you thinking?”

“Dad and Neal, for one. I know guys normally don’t come, but I don’t like that rule.”

“Neither do I, go on.”

“Well, Lily, Regina and Ruby, of course. Granny and Mal, too.”

“Uh huh.”

“And I guess, um…Ralph and Belle.”

Mary Margaret set her pen down. “You do know that requires telling them that you’re pregnant, don’t you?”

“Gee Mom, no. I thought I’d just invite them and let them think it was for you.”

She gave her a look. “Emma.”

“I know, I know.” She sighed. “I’ve put it off long enough. I avoid them as much as possible, I’ve gotten everyone to keep their mouths shut. I guess I’m just scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“What if they side with him? Or think that the baby’s not his? I’ve known them a long time…I already lost Bae…I don’t know if I could lose them, too.”

 The truth was, Belle and Gold had been just as much of her childhood in Storybrooke as her friends. Mal and Granny were the same way. They were adults that helped shaped her life. Seeing Bae with Belle had given her hope that adoption could work out, that a parent could love a child that wasn’t their blood. They were still such a huge part of her life, becoming friends with her parents, Gideon was Neal’s best friend.

 It had hurt her to keep the secret from them, just as much as it would’ve to keep it from her own parents.

 “I know Belle and Ralph,” Mary Margaret said, squeezing her hand. “I think at the end of the day, they’ll just be disappointed with Bae. They’ll still want to be there for you…and the baby.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’m a mom, I know everything.”

Emma gave her a look. “Mom.”

“It’s just a super power we have.” She kissed her forehead. “And no matter what, you know that I’m always here for you, right?”

She nodded. “Even if I don’t deserve it.”

“Hey, don’t say that.”

“Mom, I know this is the last thing you and Dad need right now. You have a grown daughter and a son that’ll be a pre-teen in a few years. Now, there’s going to be a newborn around…”

“And we couldn’t be happier. Emma, we love you kids more than anything on this planet. We want to be there for you.”

 Emma wasn’t sure if it was talking about Baelfire or the pregnancy hormones, maybe a combination of both, but she started to tear up. Sometimes it was just too much to remember how unconditionally she was loved. Her parents were so amazing and she didn’t feel deserving of them some days. Mary saw the tears in her eyes and squeezed her hand.

 “Oh sweets,” she said, softly. “Don’t cry.”

“It’s the hormones,” Emma sniffled. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, baby.” She kissed her cheek. “Now go on, enjoy your sandwich.”

“You want some onion rings?”

Mary smiled and nodded. “I’d love some.”

Emma stood on the steps of the salmon colored house, running her fingers through her hair. It had been far too long since she had been by. When Bae was in town, he typically stayed in the loft above the pawn shop and Emma would visit him there. It hadn’t changed much over the years, the only real difference was the bike leaning against the garage. It seemed to get bigger every time she dropped by, a reminder of how fast time was going for Gideon and Neal, a bittersweet thought. She wanted to freeze time.

 In fact, she wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be 16 again and to be pulling her bug in the driveway to hang out with Bae. Sometimes they’d be watching Gideon, stealing kisses when he watched a movie. Other times, they’d hang out in the garden, their fingers intertwined with each other’s. All the times they managed to make love up in his bedroom…

 Quickly pushing the thoughts out of her head, she rang the doorbell. A moment later, Ralph answered the door. He was dressed in one of his trademarks suits, a lopsided grin on his face. It faded a bit upon seeing Emma.

 “Miss Nolan, how may I help you?”

“I um…I needed to talk to you and Belle.”

“Belle took Gideon to see her father.”

“Oh.” Emma knew the complicated relationship Belle and Gold had with Maurice. “Well, you then.”

“Does it have anything to do with the pregnancy you’ve been hiding for the past few months?”

Emma blushed. “What…I…how…”

“Emma, you’ve always been a skinny thing.” He looked her up and down, shaking his head a bit. “It became quite obvious when you got bigger and then tried to hide behind it.”

“Does Belle know?”

“Yes. I haven’t told her about what I know, however.”

Emma tilted her head. “What you know?”

“I remember about 6 months ago, finding you in my shop before hours, coming out of Baelfire’s loft.”

She cringed. “That.” She had done all she could to erase the memory of that morning from her mind, it hurt too much.

“Considering that Bae hasn’t called me, I’ve assumed that you didn’t tell him.”

“Do you really think I’d keep this from him?”

“What am I supposed to believe? That my son just wouldn’t tell me he was to be a father?”

Emma’s lip formed a firm line. “Maybe because he doesn’t want to be one!”

Gold raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I told him that I was pregnant, I e-mailed him a sonogram. He told me that he didn’t want a thing to do with me or the baby, to never contact him again.”

 Gold stared at her for a few moments and she knew he was trying to tell if she was telling the truth or not. It was a look he had given her early on in her relationship with Baelfire. One thing they always joked about was having equally overprotective fathers, who didn’t trust their child’s significant other. They didn’t want them to be hurt, no matter what the cost. Heck, they had both spied on their first date. It had been something they laughed about for years. Emma understood Gold’s hesitance, but her hurt wasn’t allowing her to handle the situation diplomatically.

 “You expect me to believe that my son, the one who was abandoned himself, would abandon his own child?”

“It’s the truth.”

“How do I know that you’re not lying so you can keep his child from him? How do I know that you’re not just deceiving me? This doesn’t sound like my son.”

“I know it doesn’t. That’s partly why it hurts so much.”

“Do you love him?”

Tears brimmed in Emma’s eyes. “You don’t think I love him?”

Gold shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I love him, I’ve loved him since I was 14 years old. That’s why it hurts every time I see him, because I never stopped.” She bit her lip, shaking her head. “But he doesn’t love me, not anymore. I’ve had to accept that.” She wiped away her tears, not wanting to break down in front of him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work.”

 Gold watched Emma briskly walk away, letting out a small sigh. Digging through his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone, pressing 2 on his speed dial.

 “Baelfire Cassidy Gold, you have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.”

A few days later, Emma sat next to her father on the floor, examining the instructions laid out in front of them.

 “I’ve read Latin text that makes more sense than this,” David muttered.

“Give them to me,” Emma said, taking it from him. He had insisted that she not worry about it, that he could put the crib together, but this was her baby after all. “Alright, it says take screws E with washers D…through bar C…” She watched her father pick up the bar in question. “Using wrench F…” She squinted to read the small print without her glasses. “Which is not provided.” She sighed in frustration, dropping the parts in her hands.

“We could always call Marco,” Mary said from her seat on the couch. “He’s a carpenter after all.”

“No!” Emma and David exclaimed at the exact same time.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Stubborn, party of two.”

“Annoying, party of one,” Emma quipped back, throwing a piece of bubble wrap her way.

She chuckled, hearing the doorbell ring. “Neal, can you get that? Your father and sister are too busy trying to drive me crazy.”

 David and Emma focused back on the crib, managing to find a wrench of his that would work. Just as they were getting the first part together, Neal’s footsteps could be heard coming into the room.

 “Emma?”

Emma focused on what she was doing. “Yeah, kid?”

“Baelfire’s here.”

 Emma was about to tell him how not funny that was, until she noticed a familiar pair of work boots. Her eyes slowly went up the body and she found Bae’s face staring back at her. The parts fell out of her hand and her eyes widened. Bae rubbed the back of his neck, looking just as surprised as she was.

 “So it’s true,” he said. “You’re pregnant.”

 She didn’t know what to say at first. There stood the man that she had believed to have torn out her heart and stomped on it. She stood up with the help of her father, who seemed to be wanting to go off her lead before he went to protective dad mode. She walked over to him, a protective hand on her bump, the other out to keep a barrier between them.

 “What the hell are you doing here?”

[epacer]

Useful Info for Student to Know

‘Adulting’ is hard. UC Berkeley has a class for that

Conner Wright is carrying a demanding course load in his final year as an English major at UC Berkeley: antebellum American literature, introduction to music therapy and a research seminar on William Shakespeare.

The 20-year-old senior is immersed in the works of Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Herman Melville and Harriet Jacobs.

But Wright, who is anticipating his graduation in May, has the self-awareness to know he needed a little something extra to prepare for his launch into a post-college world, that a superior ability to interpret classic literary works may not be enough.

So he signed up for a class on “adulting,” where he is learning to create and stick to a personal budget, build a resume and apply for jobs and navigate romantic relationships in a time when online interactions are eclipsing face-to-face encounters.

“I need to learn how to get this adult thing down and manage life,” Wright said.

The class, which has 30 students enrolled in each section, is led by two Berkeley undergrads who plan discussion topics and schedule guest speakers to fill 90 minutes each week. The “adults in training” are among thousands of people across the country who have signed up for courses that focus on things such as cooking or budgeting or time management.

Adulting classes for college students and postgrads have swelled in popularity in recent years, in part because many high schools have largely abandoned “life skills” courses such as home economics, which were created to help students navigate the path to adulthood.

That trend, combined with armies of hovering parents who emphasize academic achievement to the exclusion of almost everything else, has resulted in university classrooms filled with students who scored a 5 on their AP Physics test, but struggle to plan for a week’s worth of groceries and meals.

In Portland, Maine, the Adulting School offers in-person classes on “soft” skills, such as interviewing, conflict resolution and making friends, along with topics such as personal finance and basic home maintenance.

Principal Rachel Flehinger said her students, who are typically in their 20s and 30s, have experienced their share of disdain over their so-called entitlement and laziness.

“We’ve had clients who are millennials having major anxiety that they didn’t have these skills and didn’t feel successful as an adult,” she said. “There’s a lot of self-loathing that happens.”

Similar classes or in-person workshops have popped up at libraries and universities across the country, in private groups on social media and even on blogs tailored to college students. Some high schools have scheduled seminars on life skills as a way to prepare their students for life after graduation.

Sometimes students come up with their own solutions.

Neither Belle Lau of Washington nor Jenny Zhou of Arizona felt fully prepared for life away from home when they arrived at Berkeley two years ago. When Lau moved out of the dorms and into her own apartment during her sophomore year, her lack of self-reliance at the time became apparent. She was working, attending classes and, for the first time, had to plan her own meals, put money aside and cover her expenses. She quickly realized that she was spending too much money eating out all the time.

Lau and Zhou noticed that many of their peers were having similar struggles.

“We’re thrown out into this world and have little idea about what the heck we’re supposed to do,” said Lau, 21. “I think in general we all feel a little bit lost and don’t know where to start.”

To remedy that, Lau and Zhou, 20, decided to create their own class.

When it was first offered last spring, every one of the 30 spots was filled. Seventy students had to be turned away.

Lau and Zhou added a second session this semester. More than 200 students filled out applications explaining why they wanted to take the 12-week course. The women accepted fewer than half who applied.

Adulting is one of dozens of student-run courses in the university’s DeCal (Democratic Education at Cal) program, in which students create and facilitate their own classes on topics that include those practical and fun and often aren’t addressed in traditional curriculum. The project is rooted in the ideals of Berkeley’s free speech movement, launched in the 1960s when students pressed for and won greater academic rights.

There’s a class on criminal psychology, which “aims to analyze the minds of criminals, particularly of those who commit heinous crimes,” in an effort to understand factors that influenced their behaviors and led them to commit violent offenses. Students enrolled in “Intro to Baking” learn to make bread, cakes, pastries and other confections “without setting you or your roommates on fire,” according to the course catalog.

Another course takes participants on a journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry through discussions of Harry Potter novels.

The courses in DeCal count for one or two credits and are offered as pass/no pass; as a result, students say they are unlikely to add to their stress levels.

“College is a time of so many transitions — the losing of certain reference points — and it’s relatively sudden,” said Nancy Liu, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the faculty sponsor for the adulting class this semester. “You’re on your own for the first time, you’re navigating a large system with limited support, you’re taken out of past comforts and starting anew, you have new tasks that you’ve never had to deal with before.

“Add to that the stress of a high-pressure academic environment, it makes sense that many would feel overwhelmed,” she said.

“College also sets the tone for much of what comes afterward: fostering those daily habits and routines; balancing work, school and life; remembering to file your taxes and keeping a budget; learning how to navigate interpersonal challenges with less scaffolding or support from experienced others. It seems crucial to address it head-on in a way that was valuable to students,” Liu said.

When Lau and Zhou decided to create a class, they initially envisioned a course in cooking, a passion they share. That idea morphed into life hacks and, later, adulting.

When the two began brainstorming a syllabus, daily tasks such as laundry, sewing and car maintenance didn’t make the cut. Instead, they focused on topics that are more abstract: time management, budgeting, fitness and nutrition, and relationships.

Each 90-minute session features a presentation from Zhou and Lau, juniors majoring in molecular and cell biology and integrative biology, respectively, and an outside expert who visits the class in person or via video chat. Last year, a recruiter from Lyft prepped students about job searches and a former accountant discussed filing taxes.

Those accepted into the classes, mostly seniors, have lamented that many of the things they were learning weren’t taught by their parents.

Lau’s mother, Allie Wu, says that parents “don’t trust their kids enough to do things on their own,” adding that “when they’re at home their parents pretty much take care of everything for them.”

Wu says she has always been very independent, a trait that was a necessity when she arrived in the United States from Taiwan as a 22-year-old to pursue her MBA. Wu hoped her daughter would leave home with the same sense of self-sufficiency. But when Lau confessed to her mother that she struggled a bit her first year at Berkeley, Wu said she began to worry.

Those concerns dissipated when Lau told her about the adulting class she wanted to start with a friend.

Wu, who visited the class last year to talk about taxes, said the course is “wonderful” and “unique.”

“I know she’s in a good place now. I’m very proud of her,” Wu said. “She knows what she wants and what she needs to accomplish her goals.”

During the first week of “adulting” at Berkeley this semester, students were asked to come up with goals that were “SMART”— specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-based.

To kick it off, Zhou asked whether anyone had ever set a goal they didn’t accomplish.

A few hands shot up. Several people shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. A handful looked around the room.

In less than a minute, everyone’s hand was in the air.

After a brief lecture, Lau and Zhou split the class into groups of six, each assigned to discuss their goals for the semester. Precision was rewarded; vagueness had to be remedied.

Students shuffled their desks into haphazard circles in the classroom and made quick introductions. They bantered about the dread of 8 a.m. classes and late-night studying marathons that would compound that trepidation as the semester dragged on.

Then things got uncomfortable.

Some of the students spoke in hushed tones as they shared the goals they had written on sheets of paper in front of them and, along with those, their insecurities that they might not be doing this whole grown-up thing quite right.

Wright spoke up first. His goal was to build more healthful habits with diet and exercise before graduation. The group nodded in agreement.

Several students said better time management would make a huge difference in their lives. One woman, a junior, said planning and establishing a routine might keep her from staying up all night cramming for exams.

Another piped up, saying she’d like to get more done during the day by limiting how much time she spends on her phone — a common distraction.

Kate Curtis, a 21-year-old senior who showed up 10 minutes late to the class with a look of embarrassment and a quick apology, said she’s long struggled with punctuality. She’s been late so many times to her job at a fast-food restaurant that her manager recently pulled her into a meeting to discuss it. She was humiliated and ashamed.

“I want to learn to be dependable. I want other people to be able to count on me,” she said.

Curtis, who transferred to Berkeley from a community college in Orange County, said she lived at home for the first two years of college and feels she was coddled longer than her peers.

“I’m eight hours away from home now, so I’m actually on my own. I have to find my own doctor if I’m sick. I’ve just signed up for my first loan, and I’m not really understanding what I’m getting into,” she said.

Lau acknowledged that she and Zhou don’t have all the answers, but she’s quick to note that parents shouldn’t be faulted for their children’s lack of real-world knowledge.

“Maybe it is our parents who aren’t teaching us these things we thought we should already know, but we don’t want to blame our parents for us being naive or ignorant,” she said. “It’s our responsibility as college students to know that if we’re struggling in some aspect, there are resources out there for us.” *Reposted article from the UT by Hannah Fry of December 10, 2019

[computer-basics]

Nubank, the Brazilian digital bank valued at $10 billion, is launching its Nu credit card in Mexico – a country where the unbanked population counts 36 million people. 

The Sao Paulo-based fintech company, known for its fully-mobile digital bank and credit card, has raised $820 million across seven rounds of investment and has amassed nearly 22 million customers in Brazil alone. Now, the Nu credit card is available to all Mexicans over 18 years of age – and has already grown a waiting list of 30,000 Mexican customers. Nubank’s CEO is David Vélez, who before founding Nubank in 2013, was a partner at Sequoia Capital in charge of the firm’s Latin American investments. Nubank was co-founded by Cristina Junqueria and CTO Edward Wible. In the past year, the company has hired three more C level executives and a new CFO.

The Mexico opportunity

Nubank believes that Mexicans are ready to take back control of their money with financial services that are transparent, human and simple. A predominately cash-based society and lack of digital savings and lending products makes it harder for people to achieve financial freedom in Mexico. The company hopes its no-annual-fee credit card will help to free Mexicans from the complexity and bureaucracy beleaguering their banking experience. 

The problem is this big and bad: Personal finance tools in both Brazil and Mexico are so limited that Nubank has not had to spend a dollar on customer acquisition. 

Half of Mexico’s population is under 24 years old and is digitally engaged, but due to legacy banking oligopolies, only 10% of Mexican adults have credit cards. With an unbanked population of 36 million, startups and investors have been grappling for a piece of the Mexico fintech opportunity for years.

Vélez predicts that Nubank’s biggest customer acquisition channel in Mexico will be word of mouth just as it was in Brazil. 80% of Nubank’s Brazilian customers were sourced from unpaid referrals, and the company has spent $0 on customer acquisition, he says. 

The Nu credit card is available to all Mexicans over 18. The waiting list has grown to 30,000 customers.

Currently, Nubank offers a credit card with no annual fee, fully controlled by a mobile app. The company is testing personal loans with two million customers, who must pre-qualify to get the service. Recently, Nubank has started to develop services for entrepreneurs and small-business owners in Brazil and is currently testing a beta version of its digital account for this user group. 

As Nubank scaled in Brazil, the company realized that its biggest bottleneck was access to engineering talent. Vélez says that while Brazil trains 50,000 developers per year, the demand for tech developers is double that. While Nubank hires locally and recruits engineers from domestic Brazilian universities, the company opened engineering centers in Berlin, Mexico City and Buenos Aires. This year, Nubank made its first acquihire, a software consultancy called PlataformaTec. Vélez declined to disclose how much Nubank paid for the acqui hire. 

Vélez doesn’t think that Nubank’s entry will eradicate existing Mexican neobanks. He stresses that banking in Mexico is so defective that numerous startups offering niche services can thrive. 

European digital banks N26 and Revolut have reportedly had their eye on the Mexican market. Albo, a Mexico-based challenger bank recently raised a $19 million Series A. However, Albo issues a Mastercard debit card and a personal finance app for underbanked people — different from Nubank’s credit card product.

While competition is great for customers, an increasingly saturated market may raise customer acquisition costs, and make recruitment and growth-stage fundraising harder for players across the board.

Pattern matching with China

“I went to China and I saw the future,” Vélez told me on stage at an event in São Paulo in 2018, when I asked what Nubank was hoping to gain from taking strategic cash from Tencent. Now, I know more. 

Investors say that in Latin America, Asian capital is smarter capital, and it has to do with pattern matching. Globally, Southeast Asia and Latin America count similar population sizes of around 640 million. 18 out of the 25 biggest cities in the world are in either Southeast Asia or Latin America. Congruent geographic patterns and likeness in population volume means that tech solutions achieved by startups in China could also function in Latin America – for example, digital banking. 

 “It’s been very helpful to be able to go to China and see what our market might look like five years from now,” says Vélez. Sharing market insights with Tencent encouraged Nubank to prioritize data science and machine learning to optimize customer service and improve its customer-satisfaction processes.

Both Mexico and Brazil are on the cusp of entering the QR-code payments world, notes Vélez. Governments are pushing regulation on this, and Nubank says working with Tencent has helped them understand customer satisfaction better, and how to more strategically position Nubank as the payments leader in its home market.  

When is Nubank going public?

Nubank says that while its credit card product has been profitable since 2017, the company itself is not. Nubank is using its $820 million in venture capital to invest in scaling its operations and strengthening its technology. 

As for when Nubank will IPO, Vélez says he wants to keep the company private for as long as possible. He says Nubank is lucky to have investors who are long-term oriented, and that going public has never once been brought up at a board meeting. He does note that a direct listing is a “real option.”  He doesn’t imagine that when the time comes, Nubank would go public on a Chinese exchange, saying instead it will likely be an American exchange, a local exchange or potentially both. 

Nubank has more than 2,500 employees from over 30 different nationalities. The company says it is the sixth-largest bank in Brazil and today, Nubank is the largest independent digital bank in the world.

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[stormysurveys]

15

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? + -- Yes.

02. Do you have a lot of scars? + -- A fair amount. I'm sure many hae faded by now, though...

03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? + -- I don't count sparring, but I've had a few close calls. I gave them the opportunity to fight me since they seemed so eager, but they always walked away?? Like, hello, you outnumbered me. Surely the two of you can handle little old me. But oh well I guess.

04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? + -- Yes.

05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? + -- Apparently I was supposed to get stitches but nobody ever took me to the hospital, so I had to kind of handle it on my own.

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? + -- GOD no lol.

07. Are you self conscious of how you look? + -- Yes.

08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? + -- My skin doesn't tolerate any kind of makeup. I learned to deal without it.

09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? + -- The only way to fix what puberty did to my skin is apparently extreme laser surgery. Too bad for me.

10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? + -- A kind heart. Among other things.

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? + -- A few weeks. I don't even remember what it was for.

12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? + -- I would get an abortion. It's kinder than having to have me for a parent. Ugh.

13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? + -- Yes.

14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? + -- Leaving me alone while you go do fun things.

15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? + -- There's a lot of things.

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? + -- I usually let it blow over. It's not worth bringing it up.

17. Name a time when you had to be strong. + -- Losing multiple cats and friends in one year.

18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? + -- My parents fought a lot, and various other things.

19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? + -- Deal with it. :| I'm here and you're gonna suck it up.

20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. + -- You just move on. I don't think you ever fully get over it.

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? + -- Yes.

22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? + -- No. There's still so much I don't understand.

23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? + -- I have gone through a lot, but I can't really compare myself to others.

24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? + -- Yes.

25. How old do you act? + -- Hopefully like an adult.

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? + -- To my knowledge, there's no bad blood between myself and my family. If anything, I pushed everyone away.

27. If you had to choose, family or friends? + -- /shrug

28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? + -- No.

29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? + -- No.

30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? + -- My entire family lives in the South. I do not.

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? + -- 5'2" and 3/4". :l I wish I was maybe 5'5" or 5'6

32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? + -- Maybe emotionally.

33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? + -- You asked this.

34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? + -- I don't want to, but there's nothing I can do about it.

35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? + -- Yes.

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? + -- It is real.

37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist? + -- Depends.

38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? + -- A little of both, but I  don't usually rely on "fate".

39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? + -- I believe in reincarnation.

40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? + -- Nothing ever "gave me hope". I just realized that I could get back up in the end. The hardest part was physically making myself do it.

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? + -- Lol, probably. I don't know.

42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? + -- I don't know.

43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? + -- No.

44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? + -- It really do be like that sometimes.

45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? + -- Perhaps more than I ought to.

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) + -- I got nothin'.

47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? + -- No, I just piss them off with my puns.

48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? + -- It happens.

49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! + -- Probably. I'm not awake dude.

50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? + -- No.

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? + -- You tell me. I couldn't function at school at all. :D

52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? + -- People probably think I'm unintelligent. I'll let them think what they want.

53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? + -- I don't know. I don't remember much from those days.

54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher?

55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? + -- Many things! Languages, psychology, history, philosophy, mathematics/logic (moreso on how it applies to the universe than trying to memorize formulae), the arts. ALL THAT HAPPY SHIT.

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? + -- I assume so.

57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? + -- Sure.

58. Is love worth it? + -- I guess if you find the right person, sure.

59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? + -- It's ridiculous, but children do what children do.

60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? + -- I don't like to throw it around. I'd rather show it anyway.

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? + -- :/ Yes, and I hate it.

62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? + -- My family did not have much money.

63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? + -- I tried, aha. I couldn't live with the idea of putting my parents in more debt than they'd ever owed in their lifetime, even for a small college. So I chose to wait until I was older. Unfortunately I still haven't gone.

64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? + -- Blah blah blah

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? + -- It isn't. I need it to survive, but that's about it.

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? + -- No.

67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? + -- I'm not really that kind of person.

68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? + -- Eh.

69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? + -- Probably.

70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! + -- Who says I can't say both? I'll say both if I damn well please. But I don't consider myself particularly "naughty". At least not with random strangers.

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? + -- Probably too long. Most people walked away before I could.

72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? + -- I don't think I can.

73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? + -- No, I just don't want anyone to know.

74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? + -- When I decide I don't care anymore. If they show they genuinely want to be with me, I guess.

75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? + -- Hmm.

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? + -- No, I will keep my memories.

77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? + -- For me, no. I was content before I met my husband and I'd be fine after. But I also prefer being alone most of the time.

78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? + -- A bit of both.

79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? + -- Possibly.

80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please exlain what it was: + -- I'm sure, but I don't want to.

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? + -- I try to figure it out for myself first. I always get told "you need to ask for help blah blah". No, I don't. Let me do it on my own.

82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? + -- I always question how things came about. And I don't know. What came before?

83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? + -- LOL. I'm too conspiratorial for this survey.

84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? + -- If I know them, then I'll bring it up casually or something. Could've been an accident. If I don't know them I might just shrug it off.

85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? + -- There's a lot.

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? + -- I treat everyone with politeness.

87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? + -- Prove to me that you are a coward or generally a terrible person I guess.

88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? + -- If they give me a reason to. I don't give out respect freely. I might do what you ask me, but I will do the bare minimum unless I actuallly care about what you have to say. Give me a reason to respect you, and I will work hard for you.

89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? + -- My mom can't do anything to stop me. Not that I AM, but she's very old now.

90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? + -- Neither, but it depends on the situation. Like if you straight up hit me, well...

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into?

92. When will you graduate high school/college? + -- I left years ago.

93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do?

94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? + -- I hated school. I couldn't function at all.

95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? + -- I dropped out. After spending ages taking all these makeup classes on top of my regular studies, I had my counselor tell me to my face that I'd be good to go to graduate. And two weeks after school ended, I received a phone call telling me that no, I would not be graduating and that, if I wanted to, I'd have to pay them either $200 or $300 for either summer school or night school. I couldn't afford that, so I just didn't go back and acquired my GED, which was easier and I didn't have to study for it. :/

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? + -- I mean... it's possible?

97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? + -- Nope. I've never smoked and I've no intention to.

98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? + -- My mom cheated on my dad multiple times. I've seen how it slowly tears the other person apart. I would NEVER do that to someone.

99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? + -- Not really. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with this, but my brain doesn't make the jump to "this person looks nice" to "I want to have sex with them" for some reason.

100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? + -- In the middle. When it comes to junk food I'm more weak-willed, but other things not so much.

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? + -- Where's the other question? And uhh no?

103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? + -- I don't pay attention to trends or fashion. There's times that I unintentionally, say, dyed my hair a "trendy" color - but it wasn't on purpose and it didn't stop me from dying my hair.

104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? + -- No. I rarely ever drink.

105. What makes you different from people your age? + -- I don't know and I don't care.

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? + -- Probably the electronics.

107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? + -- The lives of my loved ones. I'd do what I had to do I guess.

108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? + -- As far as regular material items, probably the little Stain merch I have. For anything else, it's my husband.

109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? + -- The cat.

110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? + -- Of course. You can always look at them later.

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? + -- I dunno. Is there a genie involved? I don't like the idea of someone being enslaved to serve me, so that's out the window. I wouldn't feel right just wishing something out of thin air like that.

112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? + -- Loved ones.

113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? + -- Just go out and do it man. If you sit around wishing you'll just wish your life away.

114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? + -- It only "came true" because I forced something to change. I made the necessary sacrifices to make it come true. Nothing more, nothing less.

115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? + -- I think it's important to believe in something. But I also believe it's important to actually reach out to make them happen too. It's not just going to drop into your lap.

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? + -- Independent.

122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? + -- Oh god hahahaha. When they sweep my favorite holiday under the rug to ring in Christmas extremely early all for the sake of cashmoney.

123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? + -- I don't know. I assume I don't, but I don't really think much about that.

124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? + -- Genes definitely play an impact on a person's mentality and whatnot, but the environment ultimately shapes that.

125. Do you think people are generally good ? + -- "Good" and "evil" feel like really convenient terms to me nowadays. I think people believe that a) they are the hero of their own story, and that b) most people have "good" intentions. Unfortunately, good intentions do not a good person make.

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? + -- No. It's not where I want to be yet.

127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? + -- No.

128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? + -- I just prepare for it.

129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? + -- Yes.

130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? + -- When you have no other choice LOL