#ask the coulrologist

[thecoulrologist]

Do you consider any breeds of clown unsuitable even for people with lots of experience?

HORROR CLOWNS

Horror clowns are a common breed that are NOT suitable as pets, companions, or otherwise.

It's like trying to keep a grizzly bear as a pet, except the grizzly bear is capable of malice and hate and has thumbs and can talk and bend time and space to it's will.

(Once again, not to be confused with the incredibly docile and protective SCARE clown)

[buffoons-clownbreeder]

hii! i've been interested in clown husbandry for years but am only in the last week finally dedicating time to research about clowns and their care! i have a question about the different types of play/joke styles exhibited by different clown breeds, what the differences are, if there ARE any differences, etc.! i know about slapstick and physical comedy as a whole as well as general silliness but other than that i'm lost. some ones i've heard but don't have firm definitions for are japery, capers, and tomfoolery. i think having a better understanding of different styles of comedy displayed by different clown breeds can really help me in my journey to one day become a coulrologist! any advice/information is appreciated!

I’m not an expert in this area but I can tell you what I do know from working with different types of clowns over the years! The kind of play/joke styles different breeds have is usually quite stereotypical (mimes using invisible objects, party clowns using a water squirting flower, rodeos playing with bulls, Jesters doing general tomfoolery etc.) but unless it’s a really specific breed, there will often be variation clown to clown.

I think most of my answers on my asks just boil down to, though there are trends in different breeds each clown is different so it’s more important to get to know the clown rather then trying to classify all clowns by their breed.

I hope this helped! Sorry I can’t give you as good of information as my other posts but I think everything here should be generally correct! I wish you the best of luck on your future clown endeavors!

[vidoxi]

In regards to the "send a number" ask meme!!!

12) What is the most difficult clown type to work with in the profession of clown husbandry in your opinion

19) What breed of clown do you identify the closest with?

12. probably railroad clowns! not only are they an exotic breed, theyre also often solitary when in the wild (often only socializing with other railroads for mating, banjo playing, and occasionally sharing a can of beans together), which makes it even more difficult to safely socialize them with humans as its not in their nature. i have seen happy and healthy railroads in captivity but most clown owners arent capable of meeting their needs and lack the open field space, railroad cars, and 50 foot (minimum!) of railroad track they require to simulate what their natural territory would be like in the wild. also, no matter how much theyre cared for or how young they are when you raise them theyre going to remain relatively feral so for your safety as well as theirs i just cannot recommend railroads as pets as i've seen too many given up to wildlife sanctuaries or worse, humanely destroyed after attacking a human or other pet.

19. though ive spent many years at this point as a coulrologist i'll never forget what initially sparked my lifelong passion for the field were the two jesters, Bimbi and Bobo, that my mom raised alongside me growing up in the italian countryside. their long history of human companionship makes them easy to connect with and i relate a lot to sociability and mischievous sense of humor. it's an absolute tragedy that theyre now considered endangered due to poachers hunting the remaining wild population to near extinction for the medicinal property of their noses for use in chinese medicines.

thanks for the ask!!!!! 🤡🤡🤡

[thecoulrologist]

Can clowns be diabetic? Do they have pancreases?? Do they have blood??

(For context, type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disorder, that stems from the pancreas and affects blood sugar among other things.)

Clowns can indeed develop diabetes!

If you know or have a diabetic clown, you can replace standard processed sugars with more natural sugars like agave, maple syrup, honey, or fruits! However, I would avoid 'artifical sweeteners' because these can increase the risk of stroke and heart disease!

[thecoulrologist]

What should a first-time clown owner keep in mind that is often overlooked or forgotten?

More often than not, people forget that clowns are social creatures and will need other clowns as companions. Even the usually solitary mime can get lonely!

While it is possible to have a one-clown home, you should be prepared for your clown to become deeply attatched to you, and will probably try and include you in its antics. (I hope you know how to juggle!)

[thecoulrologist]

Hello sorry I am a new owner and I need to ask a couple of question. I have what I assume to be a mime mix with a scared or evil clown due to it being violent but looking like a mime. I named him Slappy if anyone wants to know.

How do I get him to stop slapping people? He slaps everyone that isn't me. This includes my girlfriend.

Do I need to re-home him? I need someone to help me here

Where can I buy his tent? I am looking but I can't find anything bigger than 3 feet

That all thank you

Hopefully, Slappy is a scare mix and not a horror mix, or you may need an exorcist instead of a coulrologist!

Either way, it sounds like he may need more stimulation. Try providing him with an outlet for his slapping problem, such as an inflatable punching bag, and direct him to it whenever he displays signs of aggression.

As for a tent, mimes are typically seen as street performers while scare clowns are often more comfortable in labyrinthine environments (sugh as a haunted maze). I find that pop-up tunnels, cardboard boxes, or even just chalk outlines can make for good substitutes!

Keep in mind, clown care is very involved and no two clowns are alike. Congratulations on your new friend, and GOOD LUCK!

[thecoulrologist]

i find it strange that people have attributed violent tendencies to scary clowns when the only clown thats been found to actively hunt humans is the juggalo

Oh yes, Juggalos terrify me...

It's often a subject of debate whether Juggalos should still be considered clowns or not!

[thecoulrologist]

Can I take my mime swimming?

There's no harm in allowing your mime to enjoy a dip if they're showing interest in the water. However, any clown requires CLOSE SUPERVISION around unfamiliar things.

Introduce them to shallow bodies first, gradually working your way up if they continue to show interest. Eventually, you may even be able to teach them how to properly swim!

[thecoulrologist]

I recently made a cake for my baby clown. I was wondering if he could have some considering the high sugar content in the frosting

Of course! So long as you don't over-feed, a high amount of sugar is actually recommended for growing clown babies!

[thecoulrologist]

CAW!!!

Hello to you The Post Crow!!

[thecoulrologist]

thank you for your service

I do what I must to bring clowny information to the masses! 🫡🎪