#ask jared kleinman

[sincerealev]

I am literally going to devour all of your art like a six course gourmet meal. I genuinely don't know how you get your pieces to look so edible. your art looks so colorful and alive and detailed like my GOD. I think this is my favorite art style I have ever seen idek what to say also I found you bc I love DEH glad to see this fandom is actually still somewhat alive!!

anyway can you draw jared please i like jared :3 the silly 💔

Aaaaaa oh my god that's literally so sweet, thank you so much 😭🫶🫶 I'm very glad you find my artstyle to be edible, that's my ultimate goal /hj (what does it taste like? 🤨)

And here's your Jared doodle anon 👍 The gayass loser ever (affectionate)

Tried drawing him with actual eyes instead of dot eyes this time LOL

[arl1n-e]

So we've seen tiny Evan and tiny Connor, but what about a tiny Jared just annoying them?

-🦔 (I've sent asks before but I've now decided to become an emoji anon since I send so many 😈)

Gremlin

[broadway-heere-i-come]

in deep contemplation over writing abt jared being a camp counselor the summer after the connor project and eventual reconciliation with evan, silly summer moments, etc.

to me i hc camp is kind of jared's safe place to be slightly more himself and he makes up stories to tell evan abt camp that aren't actually true rather than how he actually is at camp (aka: actually himself) and he actually works really well at the camp imo

so so many notes app thoughts on it but no idea where to start writing it (also haven't written a full fic in like nearly a year) but as a summer camp counselor myself i have So So Many Thoughts and just need the motivation/encouragement to do it

Wait I love the idea that Jared does have a genuinely good time at camp but is still lying to Evan about the good time he has at camp. That's brilliant 😭

If you want someone to kick ideas around with, my DMs are always open!

[nothingunrealistic]

1, kleinsen

1. “I love you, please don’t go.”

“And as soon as the new car gets delivered, the minivan is mine for good.” Jared flops onto his back so that he’s lying across the entire foot of Evan’s bed, legs dangling over the side. “The Jaredmobile is gonna hit these streets harder than —”

“Are you really calling it that?” Evan has ridden in Jared’s mom’s minivan, soon to be Jared’s minivan, and it is mobile, but that’s kind of a low bar. It probably shouldn’t be hitting anything hard.

“Haven’t decided. But I know what bumper sticker is going on there first.” Jared sticks his phone in Evan’s face. “Check it.”

“‘Caution: This vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom’s house.’”

“It’s gonna be true. Especially at your mom’s house.”

“You mean my house?”

“Is your name on the property deed? I don’t think so.” Jared grimaces, wriggles around, and nearly whacks Evan in the face with his phone as he pulls out a mechanical pencil he was lying on. “And when, after I’ve spent another week chauffeuring your sorry ass around, she invites me to stay the night —”

“Mom works nights.”

“— is it gonna be you saying ‘please, I love you, please don’t go’ in the morning?” He rhythmically raps Evan’s knee with the pencil. “I. Don’t. Think. So.”

“You’re gross. And that’s my pencil.”

“Finders keepers, bro.”

“Boys?” Mom knocks on the door and opens it half a second later; in that half second, Jared shoves himself upright and slaps the pencil into Evan’s hand, and something that sounds a lot like Jared’s phone hits the floor. “Everything okay? Is that project coming along?”

“Going great, Mrs. H.,” Jared says, over top of Evan’s “Fine, Mom.”

“Good. That’s good. Well, I’m heading out to work.” She already looks as frazzled as if she just came back from a shift. “There’s money on the table so you two can order dinner. I think Domino’s is doing their half off deal again, but make sure you check. Jared, will your mom be able to pick you up? I’ll be back too late to give you a ride home.” And suddenly Evan is terrified that Jared will say some stupid thing about Mom giving him a ride, and she’ll get mad and tell him to go home now, and Evan will have to finish this English project on his own, and he’ll probably get a terrible grade, and Jared will be mad at him even though it’ll be Jared’s fault in the first place, and —

“Won’t be a problem,” Jared says, perfectly polite.

“Great. Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Evan, I love you.”

Mom walks back out, but she doesn’t shut the door, so Evan counts to five before he says, “Thank you for not saying anything weird.”

“To your mom? What, do you think I’m some kind of male chauvinist pig? Thanks for nothing, Billie Jean.”

“Is that what that song’s about?”

“What — no. Never mind.” Jared bends over and retrieves his phone from the floor. “I’m hungry. Let’s get some shitty half-price pizza. Which is a ridiculous deal, by the way.”

“I think it’s a March Madness thing.”

“In April?”

“Maybe it’s an extra-long deal.”

“Madness is right. How much money are we working with here?”

“Probably twenty dollars.” An engine starts outside; Evan shifts over on the bed to look out the window, watching to confirm that it’s Mom’s car, until it turns left and vanishes from sight. “But, uh, when the pizza gets here —”

“Yes, I’ll get the door so you don’t have to have a breakdown about it. Never fear.”

(angst/fluff prompt list)

[theinsanely-cooljaredd]

hey guys sorry I disappeared I was battling the gay demons for the last couples of days

I’m not gay

I like him

In a straight way

Anyway like and subscribe for more non beta content #true alpha males understand

#no homo on GANG 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

[treeliker69]

Imagine if we hypothetically started to fake date and then hypothetically started to develop feelings for each other but we’ll just deny them because of severe internalized homophobia but then hypothetically we get into different colleges across the state and we begin to notice how much we miss each other and how we use to go on dates and kiss and wake up to see us next to each other. The beautiful sight of your eyes and lips. and then HYPOTHETICALLY we graduate college and the second we both see each other at the airport gate we run to each other and go into a deep and intimate hug. At this point the tears begin to roll down our faces as we pull back and just stare at each other as you caress my face with your thumb and then suddenly you kiss me and I kiss you back and we stay like that until we let go and continue hugging each other. Hypothetically, years pass by and we can’t imagine what our lives would be like without each other. And hypothetically before we know it, we’re getting married… ISNT THAT SO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH?!?!?! 😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂

[im-not-a-fucking-bathbomb-eater]

What is your current opinion on Evan?

fucking loser

[alanaaisbeck]

Found this photo in last year’s yearbook!

Gosh, who doesn’t love Valentine’s Day?! Consider this a greeting card from yours truly, Alana Scott Beck. Toodles! (Ps: Jared took this and pissed himself laughing afterwards.)

[aropride]

is there not a way to backdate podts anymore :(

[thesillychro]

list of ask blogs btw. pls send asks to them (ill update this whenever i make more)

christine canigula (part of an ask blog circle thingy) - @christiiiineecanigulaa

richie lipschitz - @riichie-was-and-still-is-here

daniel/stopwatch - @the-real-daniel-stopwatch-trust

jared kleinman - @im-not-a-fucking-bathbomb-eater

wiggog y'wrath/wiggly - @wiggog-wiggog-y-wrath

everly (hatchetfield oc) - @everrr-ly

[insanelyycool]

igm pretty bored and my inbox is empty so,,

You guys should lowkey fill it 😁😁

[sincerealev]

OHMG HI I love your deh fanart please feed me with some headcanons for my five bbs 😔🙏🙏

Hello!! Thank you so much, that means a lot <3 /gen

I've made some posts already with hcs of the sillies, you can find them here:

Evan hcs

Connor and Zoe hcs

Jared and Alana hcs

So, HERE'S MORE HEADCANONS THEN 😼😼

(ty to my awesome gf for helping me think of hcs cuz my mind was almost blank at the moment of writing this 😭🫶)

Connor helps Evan study for math tests, and Ev helps him with literature assignments in return <3

Evan constantly "steals" his boyf's clothes, and jokingly claims that there’s “an imaginary contract between them” that states that, the moment they started dating, Connor's clothes also became his

They enjoy watching horror movies together <33 (Connor got him more into horror movies). They'll have sleepovers a lot, and have horror movie marathons past midnight

"Hey, Ev... What if we watched [horror movie] and kissed during the scary parts? 🖤"

Their favorite horror movie to watch together is Scream (1996)

Alana and Evan are besties 🫶 Like, very close friends

Sometimes they'll have sleepovers, and Alana will tell him gossip about the school (which she's got a ton of). Even of people Evan doesn't know of, but he eats it all up 😭. But they'll also gossip about their crushes/partners,,

(before Evan and Connor started dating) Alana would sometimes give Connor advice to ask Evan out and stuff

And Zoe would give Evan advice on how to talk to and ask out Connor

Alana and Evan are library buddies, and during college they both got jobs at a Barnes And Noble

Zoe and Jared are one chaotic duo. They'll text and facetime a lot, sending each other memes, and also will plot different pranks to pull on their friends lol

All five have pets:

Evan has his golden retriever, Aspen, which I've talked about before 🫶, Connor has a white ragdoll cat, Winter, which I've also talked about... Alana has a bunny named Cocoa, Zoe has a ball python named after a Greek god (I always forget which one), and Jared has a tortoise named Sheldon (of course (also Sheldon turned out to be a girl lol) )

(more under the cut cuz this post is getting long)

Zoe and Jared will put their pets up against each other and have them race

Jared for some reason can do a near perfect Mickey Mouse impression 😭 And he likes using it all the time around his friends. For example...

Con: (after Jared said something that annoyed Connor) Kys.

Jar: [Mickey Mouse impression] Ohoh!! That wasn't very nice, pal! ☝️🐭

Zoe is also guilty of stealing clothes... She's stolen some of Jared's graphic tees, and is yet to return them 💔

The whole gang loves going to Alana's house, because the energy there is just perfect: All cozy, and feels like home. Alana's grandma is very fond of them all too <33 And will give them all delicious food and deserts when they go visit

Murphy twins headcanons!!! Zoe will sometimes read through Connor's diary, which he doesn't know...

The twins will pull pranks on each other a lot (their parents are already used to this)

One time, Connor put fake spiders in Zoe's bed while she was sleeping. That next morning wasn't very pleasant

Connor and Zoe will ALSO constantly steal from each other's closets; Lucky for them, they're very close in size

They love going to the mall together and being goofballs

On family road trips, the twins will always argue over who gets to control the music

Though they won't admit it to anyone or each other, everyone around them can tell they get along very well and love each other <3

Oh yeah... I don't remember if I've said this one before, but they also argue a lot over who was born first (they're both convinced it was themselves), but their parents have never told them because that'd just be fueling the fire more lol

Now for Evan and Zoe... They give each other music recommendations

Zoe will recommend music from Feeltwood Mac or TV Girl, and Evan will recommend Radiohead songs

Zoe treats Evan as if he was her own brother (where Zoe is the older sibling, obviously 🙄 (Evan is literally older))

Zoe will never grasp the concept of Evan and Connor being together. How can such a nice and polite guy like Evan be with such a mean old ogre like.. her BROTHER?? 😞

Since Evan is close with Alana, Zoe’s gayass will ask certain questions,, such as, “What’s Alana’s favorite candy?”

Jared and Evan hcs: Jared honestly considers himself to be part of Evan's family. They have a cousin type of relationship, and Jared honestly looks up to him (He’d never admit that)

They play video games at Jared’s house, and one of their favorite games to play is Cuphead (you know who is who. Evan's also VERY bad at that game, but he still enjoys playing)

There will be moments where they both geek out over something they both enjoy, like a new comic book series releasing or something

Evan will always be the first person Jared goes to for advice

From when they were younger, Jared had stolen multiple of Evan’s toys and to this day is YET to return them (they both forgot, obviously)

And finally, some more Treebros hcs to finish off:

Evan is often Connor’s “muse”, when he draws or paints (he's got MULTIPLE drawings of Evan, and when Connor shows them to him he gets very shy <3 But Evan is always VERY impressed)

Sometimes they go on late night drives and will park in empty parking lots,, and then kiss <3

Connor has convinced Evan to try shotgunning with him, and it was definitely an experience 🦋

Evan is obsessed with doing his boyfriend’s hair and styling it, he'll do ponytails or even braids

[arl1n-e]

(For ask treebros)

Jared blackmailing Evan and Connor with photos of them in the bunny costumes 😎

There might just be a Jared Project

[broadway-heere-i-come]

what if evan made a new email address for connor project stuff and after maybe a year or two jared makes an anonymous secret email account to send to it pretending to be someone just wondering about where tcp is at to see if evan answers at all and what he thinks about it all now. bonus if they both end up obviously alluding to their shared history a little along the way and then one of them reaches out directly and not anonymously

What's a little softcore catfishing between old family friends? 🤗

The last bit is especially tantalizing because it could that:

Jared works up the courage to contact Evan directly (growth, love to see it)

Jared accidentally sends an email from The Wrong Account and immediately throws his phone against a wall.

Evan calls Jared up like "Hey I know we haven't talked in years but I've been chatting with this person on the old Connor Project email and it really made me want to see how you're doing and say I'm sorry" and Jared. Probably also immediately throws his phone against a wall.

[milksteakkk]

i want. no. i REQUIRE the lore from the swap au like please please please please please i need it it is vital for my existence

not entirely sure if this is what u meant by lore but here is literally everything i have for the au so far !!

every swap nd how the work

evan and connor

jared and miguel

alana and zoe

heidi and cynthia

mark and larry

ive already explained how swap!evan and swap!connor work in another ask (thank you ray <3)

w jared and miguel, surprisingly there werent any drastic differences. swap!miguel would still insist theyre not real friends. hes wayy more relaxed about the whole emails and connor project thing but his emotional blowout w swap!connor would be the same as it was w evan nd jared. swap!jared would be more or less the same as miguel but thats only because we barely hear from miguel so i dont have much interesting characterisation i can do w swap!jared ;[

i really dont know how to explain the different characterisations w swap!alana nd swap!zoe but when i post more art about em youll defo notice it. what i can say about swap!alana is that she isnt as hostile towards swap!connor at the start as zoe is to evan, more confused by the whole thing

not much to say about swap!heidi and swap!cynthia. swap!cynthia is still as absent as heidi but swap!heidi and swap!mark arent as... in love ?? as cythia and larry are ?? their marriage is lowkey hangin on by the thinnest thread. if that makes any sense

again not much to say about swap!mark nd swap!larry except what i mentioned before and also swap!mark is somehow more absent than larry is lol

as for design i really didnt wanna js swap their cannon outfits nd call it a day because i think thats boring, but it also means that i have to make outfits from scratch while also making it make sense for their swap while also not being too samey or different from the original and also colour schemes which is.... hard. im trying T_T if the designs suck its because i have no idea what im doing hope this helps !!

because of the swaps, evan and alana are now siblings so i think im js gonna go w alana hansen and zoe beck ?? it sounds strange but im working w what ive got and also im not leaving zoe nd alana as they are and having swap!connor fall in love w his sister from another universe cuz thats strangeee and icky

umm uhhhh. swap!evan is norwegian and swap!connor is waisian. thats not au exclusive i love those hcs w my whole heart

[theinsanely-cooljaredd]

i'm going to tickle your holes/j/nsrs

hey

don’t threaten me with a good time,, 😈😈👅