#ashton irwin looks like a writing genius

[daydadahlias]

live footage of me at the writing center watching kids do the most grammatically incorrect things I’ve ever seen in my entire life 

[suchalonelysunflower]

Take Your Feelings, Put Them Into a Song (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Wallows! Fem! Reader

Requested: yes!

Summary: Y/N Sixx, bassist from the famous band Wallows, is helping 5SOS write their latest album CALM. If only she could keep her crush on the drummer under control…

Warnings: Fluff. Language. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 4.6 k

Author’s Note: IM BACK! Remember that Reblogs, Likes, Comments and Feedback are very important! You have no idea how much they help 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

anon: Can you do a one-shot where the reader was born on 1996 and she’s the daughter of Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt and it’s the bassist and songwriter of Wallows (…) and she helps 5sos write songs for the album CALM and starts dating Ashton and the fans go nuts (in a good way) with shipping? There’s no drama like it was in EUH

It was another boring day in the studio and you would literally prefer to do anything else than to listen to Cole talk about the last date he had instead of working on your new song. But inspiration was lacking between you and your bandmates and you really had no other choice since you already took that time on the studio’s schedule.

One would believe that you would be used to dull times in the studio, having spent a lot of time on them while growing up with your parents, but boredom was a cruel crime inside your head and today your patience was running thin.

“Hey, peanut!” Dylan called your attention “Everything good there?”

You were laying on the sofa, looking at the ceiling for some kind of saving grace, but Dylan’s voice brought you back to your reality.

“Are we going to get something done today?” You asked with a sigh, with your eyes still glued to the ceiling “Cause we are really just wasting time by now and I don’t think Cole’s last fling will bring any kind of inspo into our little group”

“Hey!” Cole protested, earning a chuckle from Braeden.

“Whatever,” You said, already getting up from your spot “I’m going to take a walk”

You took a deep breath once you closed the door to your private room. You loved the guys, you really do, but sometimes people can be too much, especially people who you spend every single day and hour with.

Memories from the past year started to fill your mind and you smiled when thinking about how much your little band has grown. Wallows was now everywhere, you created a name for yourself without using your parent’s influence and you were so damn proud of that, yet when moments like these come around - the moments where you just need to breathe to escape the reality for just a while - you start to reflect on every choice you made and if they were the right ones.

It’s the overthinking that got you to write those first lyrics in the first place, the ones that were put into songs and now were, somehow, all over TikTok with thousands of people relating to them. So maybe, overthinking now might not be such a bad idea after all.

“It’s a terrible idea if you think about it for more than one minute, mate”

You stopped in your tracks when you heard that voice, thinking that maybe you were finally going crazy or someone could’ve read your mind. But it wasn’t until you heard someone else answer that you realized it was a conversation.

“Well, I don’t know what to do with it anymore!”

You turned your head to the left and smiled when you saw the little sign that said “5SOS now in session. DO NOT DISTURB” And realized that your other favorite boys were back in town.

Of course you ignored the sign and knocked on the door a couple of times before opening it shamelessly.

“Well, well, well…” You said with a teasing smile as you leaned over the door frame “If it isn’t my second favorite Aussie band”

The faces of two of the members of said band light up once they realize it was you, quickly getting up to wrap you in a hug.

“Mini Sixx!” Calum said, ruffling his hand through your hair “About time you came to visit us”

You pushed him and Luke away from you “And you should’ve told me you’re back from your break! I could’ve escaped Dylan and the other minions earlier”

“Rough session?” Luke asked, seating down and patting the place next to him for you to sit on.

“Oh, you have no idea”

You loved the 5sos guys, it was impossible not to. Ever since you met them at a label party in 2015 when you were introduced to them because you were the same age as half of the group, you knew that they were made to be on the stage.

It was easy to become their friend, given their welcoming attitude and easy-going smiles even before they found out who your parents were. It was nice for a change not to be Y/N Sixx, daughter of the famous bassist of Mötley Crüe and famous Playboy doll Brandi Brandt, for a moment and just be Y/N, a bassist that had a lot to give to the world. And with the boys you didn’t even have to try to be someone you were not, with them everything was just so… real.

Just like now, where you were allowed to complain about your lovely bandmates to them and they would complain just as well, with no judgment nor responsibilities, just three friends letting out some steam due to the stress of your careers.

“-And basically we don’t know what else to do with the song” Luke finished his rant on the missing piece of their new song for their next album.

“And you have the lyrics ready?”

“Yeah, me and my girl wrote it a few weeks ago but the melody is just…”

“It’s missing something” Calum finished for him with a sigh.

You hummed “Can I see it?”

The two Australians got to work, playing the song with the piano and the guitar and you came to the conclusion that they were right: there was something big missing.

“So it’s a ballad,” You said, thinking of ways to fix it.

“Technically yes, but when you play it like that it sounds incomplete and the lyrics won’t work with another type of rhythm” Luke sighed “We’ve been at it for days now.”

You stayed quiet for a while, reviewing the lyrics and melody more carefully now, analyzing the situation with different approaches but without getting anywhere. It was a beautiful song, it truly was, but it needed something else, something that could create a “boom” sensation for whoever was listening.

Something like…

“Hey guys, have you finished with the- Oh, Hey, Y/N/N!” Ashton said, opening the door and finding you with his bandmates in deep concentration.

Bingo.

“Uh, why are you smiling at me like that?” Ashton asked you with a chuckle, but you didn’t even address him as you turned to Luke and Calum.

“It needs drums”

“What?” The three men said in unison. You rolled your eyes and snatched the notes from Calum’s lap and started to sing the melody.

“Here!” You pointed out “In this part, before finishing the first chorus: I already made, already made that…” And then you started to make drum noises and movements with your arms for them to get the idea.

In a matter of seconds, Luke got up from his seat and walked towards you, taking the notes from you and reviewing them with new eyes, smiling as he got the idea.

“Ha!” He laughed loudly, “You’re a fucking genius!”

“Thank you,” You said with a smug smile as you, Calum and Luke started to discuss the arrangements.

“Wait, hold up” Ashton interrupted the chatter “Y/N, I appreciate you trying to help and no offense and all but I think this isn’t your place to just decide something like that,” He said, pointing to the three of you.

You rolled your eyes. You’ve dealt with stubborn people before, but Ashton did take a spot on your top three and you knew just how to handle him.

“Wow,” You said sarcastically with a teasing smile “One would think that by being half of the rhythm section you would have more… I don’t know, rhythm?”

Ashton crooked an eyebrow and you and you knew you had him in the bag “I just don’t think-”

“You don’t think?” You said, getting up from your chair and walking up to him to be almost chest to chest. You looked up to his eyes and challenged him “Or you just can’t handle the fact that I might’ve had a better idea than you”

You could see by the sparkle in his eyes that he has taken the challenge to heart. He took a step closer to you, almost pressing his body completely against yours, and smirked.

“Want me to prove you wrong, princess?” He teased but you didn’t back up.

“I’d like to see you try, darling”

Ashton’s smirk widened as he took a step back, turning his head towards Luke and Calum who were watching the scene with intrigued eyes and knowing smiles “Get your asses back in the recording booth”

He followed them as they walked into the big recording space they had, but not before sending you a wink seconds after he closed the door.

You were thankful he didn’t see you blush.

Once they were all set with their instruments - Calum on the keys, Luke on the guitar, and Ashton behind his drum set - You pressed the buttons of the console that would make it possible for you to hear them at the other side of the mirrored glass.

“Okay boys, show me what you got”

*

You became an official 5SOS songwriter after that day and even Ashton had to admit that you were adding so much more to the band lyrics and melodies since you started to work with them.

Every day you would find yourself walking towards their studio after your band’s session and you start to work wherever they left off. It was a simple dynamic that worked wonders for everyone and after every session, you would get even more inspired to write your own music for Wallows, so it was a win-win situation, not to mention, spending time with your new co-workers; especially a particular drummer that grew closer to you that you would’ve ever imagined.

When you first met the band you hit it off pretty quickly with Luke and Calum, them being the same age as you and having pretty much the same interests; then came Michael that shared a similar sense of humor with you and with whom you discussed videogames with. But Ashton was always the one that you consciously tried to not get too close to.

In all honesty, he intimidated you but not in a bad way. He was smart, talented, and super funny, not to mention also ridiculously handsome. But he was also stubborn, a little bit egotistical, and the only one that could keep up with you in a battle of wits, teasing, and sarcasm. And you knew that if you mixed that all together it might mean trouble, especially when he smiled at you like that.

Of course you had a crush on him, who wouldn’t? But the fact is that you know what it is like to date in the industry and having feelings for a member of another pretty famous band might bring some tension to the table, so it was safer to play the crushing card and just stay friends. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself every day since you started to see him regularly and spend more time with him than with any other of the two bands.

Speaking of…

“Earth to Y/N?” Called Braeden waving a hand in front of your face “Is anybody there?”

You blinked a few times before pushing his hand away with a scoff “Very funny, B. What’s up?”

“You spaced out again” Cole added, fidgeting with his drumsticks “Just when we were going to start complimenting you on that bass line you wrote the other day…”

You smiled as you threw a pillow at him that he was able to easily dodge “Sorry, I was just-”

“Thinking about a particular drummer again?” Dylan teased, to which Cole added.

“I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall in love with me”

You searched for other pillows and started to throw them at your band members, giggling as they started to throw them back at you and starting an improvised pillow fight in the middle of the recording booth.

“Hey, Y/N/N! I was wondering if you-” Ashton’s sentence was cut short as he opened the door and took in the scene that was in front of him.

You were so busy chasing Breaden with a pillow on each hand and a devilish smile that you didn’t even notice when the door opened or that Ashton was standing there, smiling at you with his arms crossed as you aimed at your bandmate's head.

“Oh look, peanut!” Dylan said teasingly “You knight in shiny armor is here to-” But before he could say anything more embarrassing, you threw a pillow directly at his face to shut him out.

You quickly turned your head to Ashton who was fairly amused by your battle skills and smiled at him.

“Hey!” You said breathlessly after chasing down the others.

“Hi,” He smiled back “Am I interrupting something or?”

“Nah, you’re good,” You said, throwing one last pillow at your three friends that stood in a corner blowing teasing kisses and puppy eyes at the two of you “These assholes and I are done for the day” You commented before said assholes started to pout and complain, but you were already out the door before they could say something embarrassing again.

“So…” Ashton trailed off, starting to walk alongside you with his hands in his front pockets.

“So,” You said, drifting your eyes from him and praying to the universe that he didn’t hear anything or else it would make the blush on your face even pinker “You needed me for something?”

You wanted to get the topic of work right there in the open as soon as possible, not wanting him to notice how nervous you got when you were alone with him. At least when you were talking about work you leveled the ground in some parts.

“Actually, I’m going home early today” He smiled softly “Luke and the guys are working on a love song that’s just way too happy and butterflies - in - your -stomach like and I didn’t think they needed me there if I can’t bring nothing to the table”

“You’re not a lovey-dovey feeling kinda guy?” You teased by bumping your arm with his, earning a “hey” from him “I actually get it, I’m not that kind of person either”

“It’s not like I don’t like it, it’s just that-”

“You process your emotions differently, and it’s easier to write those when you think of love in other stages and/or mixed with other complex emotions because-”

“Love is not just one-sided! Yes!” Ashton celebrated, amazed that you could understand what he was saying “I knew you would get it”

That comment made your cheeks heat up as you looked at him, all dimpled smiles and light chuckled as he looked at you with sparkly hazel eyes. Oh no…

“Well,” You said, breaking that little moment “If they are going to work on that all day then I guess I would head home, too. I don’t think I’ll be able to provide anything else either”

“Actually,” Ashton said as he stopped in the middle of the hall leading to the exit, making you stop as well and turn to him “I was wondering if you would want to get some coffee with me now that we are both free. Of course, if you really are free and have nothing else to do and want to actually drink coffee or tea… or maybe not and you’re not that type of person and-”

“Are you asking me out?”

Ashton stopped his rambling and looked at you with an incredulous smile and lightly blushed cheeks.

“I- well, yeah,” He said shyly “Yeah, I am”

You smiled and softly chuckled “Look at the famous drummer all nervous” You teasingly took a step closer to him, not knowing where this confidence was coming from, and he did the same “It’s just me, you know?”

“And that’s exactly the reason why”

“Do I make you nervous, darling?”

“Let’s say that if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have rambled like that, princess”

You pressed your lips in a thin line and smiled as you looked away from him, blushing like a teenager on her first date.

“So…” You trailed off.

“So?”

“Lead the way”

*

From that moment both of your routines changed once again. Now you took time off the studio at least two times a week to go with Ashton on those small friendly dates as he took you out for coffee or just simple but meaningful talks.

Soon enough you lost all the doubts that made you nervous around him, seeing how easy it was to talk to him and how much you had in common in more aspects than just music. You became more comfortable around him and your level of teasing and playing grew alongside your relationship, not to mention the level of teasing and playing you received from your band members and the other 3 Aussies who joined in on all the fun.

You were used to blushing and dismissing comments about your - undeniable - crush on the drummer, but Ashton didn’t seem to be affected by them at all. On the contrary, Ashton played along and even seemed like he was enjoying it. Like in one particular occasion where you were working on a song together and Michael said:

“Oh my god, date her already!”

Ashton didn’t blink an eye before responding “I’m trying! But she just wants to focus on the harmonies”

And you’d be lying if you said that didn’t put a smile on your face.

Yet, you kept it all professional while being in the studio; no need to mix your personal lives with whatever was going on down there, that’s why those coffee runs were your favorites.

It was an unspoken rule between the two of you that “work-talk” was forever banned from those outings.

“So what are we going to talk about?” You asked him the first time you went into his favorite coffee shop.

“Us” He simply answered, unaware of the butterflies he just set in your stomach.

“Us?”

“Yeah, I want to get to know you better, princess. Who is Y/N Sixx?”

“Who is Ashton Irwin?”

“I asked first”

“I asked second” You countered

Ashton smiled widely “You think you’re clever…”

“It doesn’t matter what I think” You answered, casually sipping on your coffee “I know I’m clever just like I know you like me that way”

You were testing the waters back then, hiding the shaking of your knees under the table as you longed to know how he felt about it. But the way he smiled and how he blushed a little bit made all your fears go away.

“Yeah, that I do”

Your cheeks turned red whenever you reminisced about that moment - or any moment that you spent with Ashton for that matter - which gave you the perfect idea for a song.

“I don’t want to kill my time with somebody else…” You hummed to yourself as you wrote down what you think is the chorus to a new song.

You told Ashton that you were not the type to write silly love songs or very uplifting songs; but there was something in that memory, something in that feeling that you couldn't ignore or just let it be without doing something about it. So, you started to write it.

You couldn't separate the feeling from the art, after all, feelings were what led you to dedicate your life to music. People would say it was because of your parent’s influence but they had little to nothing to do with your decision. This was you, the authentical you writing whatever came to mind and then sharing it with the world and only a few people will get it in its entirety. And surely Ashton was one of them.

“Dadadada something, want you all to myself”

“Wacha doing there, princess?”

Speaking of the devil.

Ashton smiled at you as he hunched over the table you were working on, trying to peek at what you were writing. You lifted the notebook and pressed it against your chest faking offense as he giggled.

“Didn’t your mother taught you not to sneak up on people, darling?” You asked as he walked around your workspace and sat himself down on the chair next to you “Besides, you’re late. You were supposed to meet me here like half an hour ago!”

“Aww, sorry Sixx” Ashton pouted “But there were no chocolate chip cookies left in the shop so I had to go around town to get you some” He then put a bag of freshly made cookies on top of the table with a cup filled with coffee.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?”

“Of course I did! You always only eat chocolate chips cookies in the afternoon”

He started to giggle again, ignoring the way you were looking at him “How did you know that?”

“C’mon, Y/N/N, every time we go for coffee you order two, one for the coffee and another one for the road. And every time we cater something you never touch anything but those cookies”

“I never knew you were so observant”

Ashton shrugged “I just pay attention if I like what I see,” He said nonchalantly with a wink, making you blush instantly, but you covered it up with an eye roll.

“God, you’re terrible” You scoffed.

“I’m honest!” You shook your head and went back to writing, but Ashton was not going to let that go so easily. “Look, how else could I know that you always put an extra bag of sugar in your coffee?”

“‘Cause I always drink the same thing,” You said without looking up from your notebook.

“Yeah, a mocha latte with extra chocolate drizzle and no foam. Honestly, how can you handle that much sugar?” You were about to answer but he caught you off. “But that’s not all you drink, whenever you have a bad day you always order a cup of mango and ginger tea because that’s your mother’s favorite drink and it helps you calm down. You also don’t want anyone to know that you’re having a bad day but the minute someone looks away your smile starts to flatter until you’re back in the conversation”

You stopped the writing completely as you turned to him, suddenly feeling how your heart started to jump all over your chest as he kept talking, eyes never leaving yours as he gave you a soft smile, almost as if he was remembering all those moments with you.

“You draw flowers on the corner of your notebooks whenever you feel bored. You love the sad songs on the radio and you know every single word to Lorde’s Melodrama, yet every time you have to choose a playlist you put 2000’s pop and R&B songs because it hypes you up. You hate awkward silences unless you are the one being quiet. You help Dylan dye his hair every time he asks you to because you would trust each other with your lives, you give Cole relationship advice because you care about him and he always appreciates your advice more than anyone’s and Braeden is your best friend because you always say that he is one of the few people that could make you laugh in a bad day and you have no idea how much I want to be included in that list”

“Ashton-”

“You write better with dim light, it helps you concentrate on your work. You say you don’t believe in astrology yet you check your horoscope every day. You want to make sure that everyone has a good time and feels included, that’s why you always make conversations with Micahel about games you never even heard before or let Luke braid your hair when he’s bored or how you switched topics when you noticed that Calum was not engaging as much in a conversation. You literally take care of everyone but you never let anyone take care of you, and when we do you get all shy and you blush as you say thank you and you have no idea how fucking adorable you look”

You sat there speechless as he spoke. You felt the back of your throat dry as you tried to find the right words to answer all of that.

It was too much. The fact that he knew all of that and how he said it like he was just talking about his favorite things in the world, it was just too much but at the same time, you want to hear him say that again.

A weird sense of joy and shyness came over you as he set his hazel eyes on yours. You gave him a small smile as you averted your gaze to the floor.

“Wow, I-” You started “I never thought someone noticed all that”

“How could I not?” You heard him say “You’re all I can think about and to say that I don’t notice you is like saying I don’t notice the sun in the sky or the stars at night. You’re the brightest light out there, Y/N, you shine everywhere you go”

You noticed how he pulled his chair closer to you and suddenly you felt how your chair started to slowly turn his way until you were face to face.

Ashton carefully placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head until you were finally looking into his eyes again.

“There she is!” He smiled when he noticed your blushing cheeks and gleaming eyes.

“What do you mean when you say I’m all you think about?” You asked expectantly, curling your fingers nervously on top of your thighs.

Ashton chuckled. “Well, if you didn’t notice, I really fucking like you, Y/N”

You looked up at him, smiling with hopeful eyes and feeling as if a weight was lifted off your chest thanks to the joy you were experiencing while hearing those words.

“You do?”

“Unless you don’t like me back and I just spilled my feelings for nothing-” You smacked him playfully in the arm “Ouch! I’m kidding! Of course I like you! Fuck, Y/N I’ve been falling for years now and I thought I was being pretty obvious”

You laughed “I thought you were just playing!”

In an instant, Ashton pulled your chair closer and grabbed you by the hip, lifting you up and making you sit on his lap as he hugged you by the waist and you placed your arms around his neck.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” He said, “I’ll do anything to prove it”

“Well,” You said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and knocking your forehead to his “How about you help me finish this song and then you take me on a date? Cause I’ve been falling for you, too and I don’t want to waste any more time”

Ashton hummed as he nuzzled his nose against your cheek, kissing it softly as he murmured “Will I get to kiss my princess at midnight?”

“Maybe… or you can take your chances now if you’d like”

He smiled.

“I like those odds”

And just before you know it, he softly pressed his lips against yours; finally creating a happy beginning for the two of you.

Instagram Posts

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tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @hoplessromantic727 @fivesecondsofonedirection @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @major5sosstan @5sos-imagine @SunflowerAngel2123 @perfectnouis @in-superbloom @lukeisstillapenguin @sadcupofcoffee @superstarmarvel @personalmuyverypersonal @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-luke @alltimesos @girlwhosimps @wontlastimokwiththat @ttinahood @lukespitinmymouth @perfectnouis

[kindahoping4forever]

Fight So Dirty // Ashton Irwin

Cass and I are already having such a blast with this month’s Hoe Hours! This time we came up with a concept and thought it’d be fun if we each wrote a story with how our fav guy would act in that situation. Watch for Cass’ Calum story to go up over on @cal-puddies​​ tomorrow! (And then come back over to my blog on Sunday for a new story co-written by the both of us! Different premise but one I’m confident will be appreciated 😌)

Warnings: An argument with Boyfriend!Ash (gasp), an incendiary dildo, sexting, depictions of both male and female masturbation 

Word Count: 3615

Masterlist // Taglist // Ko-Fi

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

————-

You had the idea when you were in the shower that morning and it seemed so perfect, you had to laugh; by the time your lunch break ended and you still hadn’t heard from Ashton, you had decided to go through with it.

He was out of town for a weekend writing session and the night before he left, he came over to your place for dinner and a proper goodbye. The last time he’d gone away, he’d hidden small gifts and short notes around the house for you and judging by the suspicious way he was slinking around while you cooked, he was planning on doing it again.

While you cleaned up the kitchen, he’d snuck into your bedroom, planning on leaving a cheeky note in your underwear drawer but instead he came stomping back into the room moments later with his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed.

“I told you I’d be there in a minute, baby. I just wanna get these dishes out of the sink now, I’m gonna be too tired later,” you turn and raise your eyebrows at him. “Hopefully.”

“What’s with the monster cock in your underwear drawer?” He spits out, voice deep and even.

You pause for a beat, more baffled than embarrassed. “I… what?” you ask, shutting off the sink and turning to face him. “Why were you in my underwear drawer and why does it bother you what I have in there?”

His jaw twitches but he remains cool. “Didn’t say I was bothered.” “Don’t seem unbothered,” you scoff.

“Answer the question,” he presses.

“Answer mine,” you argue.

Ash chews the side of his cheek in frustration. “I was trying to be romantic and leave you a surprise for while I’m gone but instead the thanks I get is discovering that my girlfriend is evidently hiding things from me,” he seethes.

“That’s a strange way to pronounce ‘hey baby, sorry my job takes me away from you for months at a time but I’m glad you’re an independent woman who is proactive in taking care of her basic human needs,’ you fire back. “‘Oh and thanks for making dinner for me.’”

He rolls his eyes. “Right, because I’m always the one being unreasonable.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what you’re being.” You can’t believe how frustrated you are in this moment. “You couldn’t possibly have been thinking the only time I ever get off when you’re on tour is when you get horny and call me for phone sex?”

“I know you get off, you didn’t tell me it was like this,” he states incredulously.

Your eyebrows shoot to the sky. “Why the fuck would I tell you?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

You want to scream, he’s being so unnecessarily difficult.

You grit your teeth and try to steer the conversation in a productive direction. “OK, what did you think I was doing?”

“Not fucking a mythological creature.”

“Ash, it’s not that big.”

“Bigger than me.”

“Don’t be fucking dramatic, I’m trying to see god, not go home to him,” you say sarcastically.

The fight had only gotten nastier from there. He’d accused you of not trusting him enough to share with him, you’d called him controlling and an asshole; voices were raised, petty remarks exchanged and he stormed out. The next morning, you weren’t surprised by the absence of an apology text and since you received a message that simply read “arrived” yesterday afternoon, he’d been radio silent.

You don’t fight often but when you do, you both go all out. Neither of you likes admitting you were wrong and neither of you wants to be the one to apologize first, especially in cases like this where you both have things to be sorry for.

Arguments with Ashton are a chess game, you have to consider every possible outcome before you make a move and you know he does the same. Which is why you know your plan is so genius, there’s no way he’ll see it coming. 

You step into the lingerie he’d hidden in the closet for you to find, adjusting it in the mirror until your breasts sit just right in the plunging sheer material. He loves you in teddies and you grin at your reflection when you think about how livid he’s going to be that the first time he sees you in this one will be under these circumstances.

You grab your phone off the nightstand and walk back over to the mirror, evaluating your lighting and angle options; you snap a few natural photos and then a few that are more posed, arching your back, using the inside of your arms to push your tits together, all the tricks. You swipe through your choices, make your pick and fire it off to him with the message: 

Mad at you but not your taste in lingerie. 

You don’t expect to hear back from him. Not yet, anyway.

Ashton reaches for his phone on the bed next to him; he’d just gotten back from a short run to clear his head after another largely unproductive writing session. He knew he shouldn’t have left town without resolving everything with you but the things he’d said, the way he acted… there was too much mess to clean up and not enough time. Besides, you definitely owed him some apologies as well and could’ve picked up the phone as easily as him. Things were at a standstill and it was weighing on him.

He’s surprised to see your name in his notifications but is instantly suspicious when he sees that you’ve sent a photo message. His finger hovers over the screen, not wanting to click on it right away, wanting to make you wait to see the “sent” turn to “read,” wanting to make you wonder if he’s even near his phone. He knows you well enough to know you’re watching.

You toss your phone on the bed and roll your eyes; you know he’s got to be back in his room by now and you’re willing to bet he’s staring your notification down just because he can. You shake your head and start gathering what you need for your next move.

12 minutes pass before Ash allows himself to click on your message; your photo loads and he instantly feels his blood pressure rise, for multiple reasons. The sight of you in that low cut, mostly see-through number is every bit as heavenly as he’d hoped it would be when he bought it - only in his fantasy, he was going to be there to nibble down your cleavage and mouth over your nipples through the lace before he ripped it off of you.

He’s not sure whether to take this photo as an olive branch or a threat but the accompanying text message has him leaning towards the latter and honestly, that’s more exciting to him than if you were trying to make amends. You’ve acted out like this before and it’s always led to some great makeup sex.

Your intended tone is unmistakable when another message from you automatically loads in the conversation thread; this time it’s a video, along with a text reading: 

Missed saying goodbye to you like this.

Intrigued, he clicks on the video and immediately bolts up from where he was laying. The video begins and the only thing he sees on screen is your empty shower and the dildo he’d found that night, suction cupped to the wall, intimidatingly jutting out.

You enter the frame, still clad in your new teddy, and get on your knees; he watches in disbelief as your eyes stare directly into the camera and you begin licking up and down the shaft of the toy before swirling your tongue around the head and popping it in and out of your mouth.

Ash is both impressed and aghast at your audacious behavior. The first time he ever left you for a tour, he’d slept over and had to leave at an ungodly hour. He was careful not to wake you in the morning but you’d set your own alarm so you could see him off; you surprised him by hopping into the shower and dropping to your knees and ever since then, the night before he goes away, he stays at yours and you say goodbye in the morning with a shower blowjob.

You close your eyes and hum as you bob your head up and down, letting the spit collect in your mouth and then dribble out, down both the cock and your body. The loud pop of you pulling off reverberates off the shower tile and you wrap your lips around the synthetic balls, murmuring enthusiastically. 

You pull away from the wall, a single string of spit connecting you to the dildo; you move back up to the shaft and dart your eyes towards the lens once more before closing them as you stretch your mouth down its thickness, taking it in further and further, letting out a few gags because you know it turns him on, even if he swears it doesn’t.

Ash doesn’t realize he’s holding his phone with such an intense grip until his hand starts cramping up; he switches it to the other hand, shaking his ailing one out, trying to ignore the urge he’s having to rest it near or on the tent in his shorts. He’s fuming that you’re taunting him like this, furious that it’s making him miss you and that anger is going straight to his cock.

He bites his lip as you gag around the toy once more, tears streaming down your cheeks; he knows you think he enjoys it when you gag for him simply because he likes knowing he’s big but his favorite part about it is how you look up at him when he wipes the tears off your face. It’s the combination of the pure love and adoration in your eyes mixed with the uninhibited desire and lewdness of your mouth sucking at his cock that drives him crazy. He actually wishes there was a way for him to see that in this video.

He notices something and scrubs the video back a few seconds; just as he thought, right before it ends, he sees you spread your legs wider and your right hand disappears off camera. He remembers the lingerie he bought for you was crotchless and he groans quietly, squeezing himself through his clothes as you moan around the cock.

Blowing Ashton always got you wet but without hearing his quiet groans or feeling his fingers gripping your hair, this just wasn’t the same; you love knowing how you affect him, love his lustful affirmations. You lightly rub your clit as you pull off the toy but it’s the thought of you possibly making him hard, making him moan from miles away that has you crying out.    

You send off the video and chuckle to yourself when you notice that he sees it immediately upon delivery. You’re preparing for the final part of your plan when you hear your phone; you’re intrigued to see it’s a text from Ash and you’re too proud of yourself not to click on it right away. 

If you’re looking for a reaction, this is as good as you’re going to get.

You purse your lips, thinking of how to respond; you sit your phone down and finish what you were setting up. No harm in making him wait.

Ashton’s cock twitches with interest in his shorts as he watches the video again; he pauses the clip to check the thread again to make sure you hadn’t replied back. Of course you hadn’t. He loves and hates that you know him well enough to know this would get a reaction from him and he loves and hates that he felt desperate enough to give it to you.

The phone vibrates in his hand and he swears he feels himself get harder in anticipation of what he might be clicking on.

Got you talking to me, didn’t it?

He scoffs at your smugness and his mind races to construct a biting comeback when your next message comes through.

Feeling pretty accomplished. Think I’ll reward myself :)

Ash's heart pounds as he wonders what that could possibly mean and he begrudgingly presses his palm to his crotch, applying pressure to his throbbing cock. A video loads into the thread, a shorter one this time, and he clicks on it with bated breath.

Your face fills his screen, eyes wide with equal parts mischief and lust. “I keep thinking about the other night, how it’s too bad you decided to leave,” you say. He has to dip his hand inside his shorts and give himself a light squeeze when he hears your voice sounding so heavy with want. “Things between us were so heated, we were both so… impassioned? I feel like if you’d stayed only a little bit longer, things could’ve easily been resolved by you bending me over.”

He groans and begins slowly stroking himself as he watches you prop the phone on the counter and step away to reveal that you’ve lined it up to perfectly capture your large dildo, shiny and lubed, suctioned to the side of the kitchen island.

You bend forward, breasts gracefully spilling out of that damn teddy he picked out, and reach behind you to guide the large toy inside you. You lick your lips as you back up on it, slight whines escaping your throat as it stretches and fills you in ways that remind you of how it feels when Ash is inside you.

You start off slowly, letting yourself adjust to the girth but it doesn’t take long for your need to get the best of you and you pick up the pace, throwing yourself back on the toy at a more intense pace. You let your noises fall freely from your lips, hoping your boyfriend knows that in your mind you’re making them for him, imagining it’s his cock that’s making you feel this way, wishing his large hands were covering your ass like they always do when he has you like this.

Ashton growls in frustration when the video ends a few seconds later; surely, this can’t be the end of your torture. Or what if it is, what if your plan was to get him to break and text you and then you’d make your point by leaving him desperate for you like this? 

Minutes that feel like hours pass without another message from you and he hates giving you the satisfaction of another response from him but he feels he has no other choice. He finally takes his shorts off and wraps a hand around his cock, thumbing at the beads of precum gathering at the head and spreading it around as he strokes.

It took you longer than you expected to get the angle right for what you’re assuming will be your last video but you’re confident it won’t take much time for you to build yourself up again; you’re looking forward to making up with Ash but you can’t deny how fun this fight has become.

You check your shot on the phone screen one last time and satisfied with what you see, turn to walk over to the dining room chair where you plan to ride your toy to orgasm. You’ve only made it a few steps when you hear your text notification chime and you stop in your tracks. A second text comes through and you know it has to be him.

You bound back over to your phone and click on the message, which reads:

Is this what you wanted?

You take in a sharp breath when a photo of Ashton’s cock, leaking and surely aching for attention, loads in the thread. You click on it and focus on how his long fingers are gripping it by the base; it reminds you of how he holds it when he’s teasing it across your lips when you’re on your knees for him and you’re both aroused and annoyed by how your mouth actually waters.

Ash maintains a light rhythm, mainly using his fingertips to work his shaft; he’s enjoying the tease and doesn’t want to get too far gone until you give him a reason to. He smirks as a new message from you comes in only moments after he’s sent his text. You must be getting desperate too.

Would rather see you cum for me.

He grins at your response and laughs under his breath as he types out his reply:

Then send me something worth cumming to.

You scoff loudly at his text and you’re not sure why your instinct is to send him a heart emoji but you go with it. You press record on your phone and look into the lens. “I was sitting in the kitchen last night, thinking about how if you’d stayed, we might’ve sat here and talked things out,” you gesture at the dining table behind you. “I don’t know if we would’ve ended up on the same side or agreeing to disagree... But I do know there’s a good chance I would’ve climbed into your lap when we were done.”

You walk back to the dildo that started this whole thing, now attached to the seat of a chair and you hover over it, teasing your clit on its tip before sinking yourself down on it. You rock your hips moderately, letting yourself get used to the feeling again and then you lean back, bracing a hand on the back of the chair and start working yourself over in earnest. Your free hand tugs at the deep neckline of your lingerie, pulling your tits out, knowing if he were there, he would ask to see them bounce.

Ash groans as he watches the video of you riding your toy, your whines filling his earbuds. He sucks his lip in between his teeth, wishing his mouth was capturing one of your nipples instead. He’s fully jerking himself off now and he can tell by the way you’re whimpering and grinding, you’re already close; he tightens his grip, wanting to finish along with you.

Thinking about Ashton, alone in his room with his cock in his hand, wanting you, has you feeling needier than you have been in a while. You bounce yourself vigorously up and down your dildo and your hand makes its way down to circle your clit. You imagine it’s Ash underneath you: his hands playing with your tits, his strong thighs tensing under yours, his hot breath on your skin, his wrecked voice telling you to cum for him. You shudder and feel yourself begin to pulse around the toy; you don’t intend for his name to fall from your lips, but it does.

His phone shakes in one hand as Ashton fucks up into the other, watching you tense on his screen, legs shaking and breath uneven; he’s almost certain he hears his name and he’ll never admit it, but that’s what brings him over the edge. He grunts as his cum spills over his fingers and he’s surprised at how loud his voice is; it briefly flashes in his mind that he’s probably just as loud when he’s with you but his outbursts tend to be muffled by your skin or your kisses. 

You’re still in a post-orgasm haze when your phone alerts you to a new message from Ash; you click to view it and smile sinfully at the sight of your boyfriend’s spent cock laying on his stomach, cum covering his skin. A text comes in seconds later that simply says:

Happy now?

You think of a quippy reply but then find yourself hitting the call button instead. He picks up before the first ring even finishes sounding.

“What could you possibly have to say to me after that stunt?” He greets you, words harsh but voice light and sleepy like it always is after sex.

“Made you cum that hard, huh?” You taunt, surprised at how much you’ve missed his voice after just a couple of days.

He lets out an exaggerated huff. “Pretty inconsiderate of you, considering your greedy mouth isn’t here to clean up the mess,” he teases back.

“You know, that’s the one thing my fake cock can’t do, it can’t cover me in cum like yours can,” you joke.

He snorts. “Uh-huh. The one thing.”

“By my count, yes.”

“You wanna start fighting again?”

You smile, then sigh. “What was that even about, babe?”

He pauses and you can picture the look of contemplation on his face. “Jealousy? Pride? Guilt? I don’t know,” he admits. “I was already feeling bad about leaving… always feel bad about leaving. Maybe that just reminded me of how often I leave you. I don’t know.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds. “Didn’t cross your mind that I bought a giant dick because of how much I like yours?” You ask, half-kidding.

Ashton laughs softly. “I think that makes me kind of a giant dick, doesn’t it?”

“I mean…” 

He laughs louder. “I’m sorry, baby.”

You close your eyes and smile. “I know. I’m sorry too.” 

“Oh, not as sorry as you’re gonna be,” he warns playfully.

You grin, hoping you catch his meaning. “I can’t imagine what you mean by that,” you feign innocence.

“I can admit, I deserved all this," he states. You can hear the smirk in his voice. “But some of the things you said the other day? You deserve a little retaliation too, gorgeous.”

You bite your lip and sweetly reply, “What time should I expect you home, then?”

————-

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[karajaynetoday]

and I can't stop that long forgotten feeling of her | ashton irwin

Here we go again with the emo angst! Thanks so much to everyone who has shared and sent feedback on the other parts. You can read part one here and part two here, and also part four here once you’ve finished with this bit. 

Part three is inspired by Flame Trees (originally by Australian band Cold Chisel in 1984, but I would absolutely recommend listening to the cover by Sarah Blasko which I had on repeat while working on this piece). All of the italics in this piece are lyrics from the song. 

More writing here | send feedback/thoughts/suggestions here

Trigger warning for mentions of death of a family member (non-graphic), a funeral and cremation.

Word count: 2.3k words

(This is a fem reader insert)

Kids out driving Saturday afternoon just pass me by | And I'm just savouring familiar sights

The drive to the church is quiet. Ashton insisted on driving you and your siblings, and despite your protests, he’d gotten his way. You were daydreaming out the window, pondering how everyone else in the world was just getting on with their lives when yours still felt so dark and painful. You’d spent your whole life driving and wandering these streets, and the houses and the trees and the footpaths felt like home. But then again, you’d never lived anywhere else, so where else would you feel like you belonged? 

You glanced over at Ash, who has one hand on the wheel. Does he feel at home here, you wonder? Does his heart feel settled when he drives in from the airport? Does he breathe in the air and breathe out his stress? Does he think of this place often? When he thinks of home, does he think of you? 

You catch yourself staring at Ashton, admiring how he runs one hand through his curls, and quickly returned to staring out your own window and continue your daydream. You’re rehearsing your eulogy in your head, when you feel a gentle hand brush over your own, and Ash slips his fingers between yours over the car’s centre console and gives your hand a squeeze. He’s got that soft smile on his face that you know for a fact can light up a whole room, but there’s a solemness about him today. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes; and you notice the dark circles on his face for the first time. Had you been so lost in yourself that you hadn’t seen how everything was bearing down on everyone around you? But then again, that was just it: everything was bearing down and you couldn’t see how it would stop deepening the gloominess you felt in your soul.  

We share some history, this town and I | And I can't stop that long forgotten feeling of her

Even though you’d rehearsed it in your head and in front of the mirror, stepping up to the podium and staring out at the faces everyone who was gathered to honour your mother’s memory made a lump rise in your throat and tears prick in your eyes. You closed your eyes, breathing deeply, and grasped the hands of your siblings who stood by your side. When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was Ashton, staring back at you with a sympathetic look. He nodded at you, mouthing words of encouragement, and with that you were able to begin.

How sad it was, that she’d been taken so soon. How incredible it was, that she’d raised three children on her own, and always made birthdays and Christmases so special. How funny it was, that she always joked about her funeral being on the warmest winter day. How proud you were, to be her daughter and carry on her memory and her name. 

How sad it was, but how glad you were. To be in this room, and in this town, with so many people that loved her and loved your family like their own. To be able to talk together and laugh together and just remember. 

Oh the flame trees will blind the weary driver | And there's nothing else could set fire to this town

Ashton drove you home again in the gentle silence you’d had on the way there. Your siblings had opted to stay at friends’ houses for the night, wanting a change of scenery and some company to make them feel a bit normal again. You couldn’t blame them; every part of your house reminded you of her. From the cushions on the couch that she’d embroidered, or her favourite mug she always used for her morning cup of coffee, or the little succulents she’d planted in pots and scattered on every windowsill that got full sun at some point during the day. She was everywhere, and it should’ve been comforting, but all you wanted to do was pack it all away and not think about it because surely you couldn’t keep feeling this sad. Not forever.

When Ashton pulled into the driveway, you hesitated before unbuckling your seatbelt.

“Can you.. Do you want to come in? For a cuppa?” You mumbled, not quite meeting Ashton’s eyes, as you leaned forward to grab your bag from the floor of the passenger seat.

“Of course, love. I’m in no rush.”

You busied yourself in the kitchen, filling the kettle and finding two mugs and mulling over your extensive tea bag selection before settling on a chamomile for yourself and a green tea for Ashton, because he’d been telling you about how his yoga instructor back in Los Angeles ensured they all drank a cup of it after each class. You could hear Ash shuffling around in the lounge room, and when you came in with the two cups of tea in your hands, you found him flipping through the stack of vinyl records your mother kept on a bookshelf. 

You settled down onto the couch, resting Ashton’s mug on the coffee table and taking a long sip of your own brew. You chuckled softly, as you noticed his eyes lighting up in excitement as he examined each new vinyl in the stack.

“Dude, have you looked at these?! Alanis Morrissette, Pink Floyd, Soundgarden?! Your mum had fuckin’ sick taste.” Ashton mused happily, reaching over to grasp his cup of tea and raise it to you in a gesture of thanks. 

“Oh, I know. And she knew it, too… keep going, you might find some more things of interest in that pile.” You said softly, a sad smile etched on your face. Eventually, Ash found his own band’s album on vinyl in the stack and he looked up at you, surprised.

“What? As if she wouldn’t add you to the collection. She was so excited when she found out you were releasing things on vinyl.” 

Ash carefully placed all the records back onto the shelf, and sat down next to you on the couch. He stretched out his arm above your shoulders, and you instinctively leaned into his warmth. 

“I know, I always thought of her when we talked about pressing vinyl for the albums, but I just… seeing it in the living room, where we used to blast Cold Chisel and INXS and Silverchair and dance around like idiots til she’d yell it us to go to bed, makes it feel like that was a million years ago, you know?” 

“That’s because it was, Ash. When you’re only 26, ten years ago does feel like a million.” You said quietly, fiddling with the cup in your hands. “You should pick out your favourite records and take them back home with you. She’d like that.”

You can feel Ashton’s gaze on you, and you turn your head to look him in the eye. He looks perplexed. 

“What? Where are you in that great, complicated, genius mind of yours?” You asked, prodding him in the side. He grabs your hand, and kisses it softly. “You said I should take them back home with me. But… I feel at home right now, with you.” Ash whispered, like he was almost afraid of his own words. You felt your heart start to beat faster, and you squeeze his hand tightly. 

“Then stay. At least… stay for tonight. Stay home with me.” You whispered back, and then suddenly Ashton’s lips are on yours and it’s much more heated than a few nights ago out on the couch in Neverland, and you can almost feel the desperate sense of hopelessness in Ashton’s embrace. You let yourself get lost in the warmth and the pleasure and the feeling because it’s the first thing you’ve felt other than sadness and despair in months before you realise that you’re basically straddling Ashton and tugging on his shirt and then suddenly you catch yourself and pull away.

“I’m sorry, I can’t - I can’t do this.” You stutter out, feeling the panic rising in your chest. Almost like he can feel it, Ashton reaches out and runs his arms up and down your sides reassuringly. 

“It’s okay, love. You’re fine. I shouldn’t have done that, I just got a bit caught up. Being here, with you, with the vinyls, after everything… I just need you to know that I lo-”

“NO.” You almost bark, pushing yourself up off the couch and stalking down the hall towards your bedroom.

“Wait, you can’t just -” Ashton began, rushing to catch up with you.

“What, Ashton?! I can’t WHAT?!” You spat, spinning on your heel to face him. “I can’t walk away after you tell me you love me? After you promise me that you won’t leave me? After you tell me I feel like home?!” You wanted to sound harsh and cold, but your voice broke on the last few words. 

You felt your knees buckle underneath you, and you slid down your bedroom door as the angry tears began to fall. Ashton sat quietly beside you, and you could tell he was hesitant to say anything for fear of upsetting you more.

“It’s not fair. You know it’s not.” You sniffled, wiping your face on your sleeve. 

“I know. I never wanted this to happen. Not to us.” Ashton spoke, his voice laced with sadness.

“Can you just… stay, just for tonight? And then in the morning we can be adults and talk about our issues and sort out our lives. I don’t want to guilt-trip you, buuuut my mother DID just die so it’d be bloody wonderful if my best friend could lend me his body heat and maybe whisper some reassuring phrases to me while I sleep.” You tried to lighten the mood, feeling your sadness and anger start to dissipate as Ashton laughed. Honestly, that laugh. What you would do to hear it every day. 

“Of course I can, sunshine. Lead the way.” Ash stood and pulled you to your feet, and you opened your bedroom door and lead him inside. You were both quiet, as you undressed for bed, and still quiet as you pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. But then again, with Ash, you didn’t always need words. You just needed each other. 

Ashton’s arm found your waist and pulled your body into his gently, as he snuggled into your shoulder. You felt your eyes start to droop, and your breathing start to even out in sync with Ashton’s, and you fell into one of the deepest sleeps you’d had in years. 

And I'm happy just to sit here a table with old friends | And see which one of us can tell the biggest lies

The next few days, you began and ended your days like that: peaceful and calm in Ashton’s arms. You’d heard him on the phone early one morning, arguing with someone about rescheduling something-or-other, and you knew that he’d have to leave you soon. But somehow, despite all of the sadness of the past few weeks, you felt better about letting him go than you had all those years ago. Something in the air had changed, and you couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but you just knew that things would be okay.

On Thursday, the funeral home called to say that your mother’s ashes were ready for collection. You managed to drive there yourself without any issues, and it seemed very strange that one of your favourite people were now reduced to small particles in a fancy silver jar-looking-thing, but you collected them nonetheless.

Your mother had grown up about an hour away from where you lived now, and after her diagnosis she talked to you about wanting her ashes scattered in a field in the mountains, so her mortal and immortal souls could join and be at peace in the place where she began her life all those years ago. So the next morning, after a short breakfast, you and your siblings drove up into the Blue Mountains, searching for the perfect place to commemorate the woman you all loved so much. Ashton and his family joined you, driving in convoy, and when you parked up alongside a grassy field where you could see a trickling creek and the sunlight peeking through the old, tall trees, they followed suit and joined you at the fence line on the side of the road. 

One by one, your siblings took turns scattering the ashes, before handing the silver urn to you for the last part. You closed your eyes, and tipped out the urn, whispering under your breath like she was there to hear you. And in that moment, you felt like she was. Because the wind seemed to still, and the sun broke through the clouds, and you were there with those who knew and loved her the most, so of course she would be there too. 

And that’s when you knew, that no matter if you stayed in the house with her cushions and her plants and her vinyl records, or if you followed your heart to the other side of the world, that she’d always be with you. Because she was in your heart, and home is where the heart is. 

There's no change, there's no pace | Everything within its place | Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around

More writing here | send feedback/thoughts/suggestions here

[calpalirwin]

Little Star

Summary: Ashton isn’t the only one wrapped around his little girl’s finger. 

A/N: My brain child with @creator-appreciator​ grows. 

Word Count: 2.9k

__

Part 1

“I want about 6. 8. I’m gonna go hard,” Ashton’s voice said through Sam’s phone. From on the other side of the couch, Ashton’s real voice asked, “Why are you watching that interview? It’s like… 2, 3 years ago.”

“6 or 8 kids, huh?” Sam asked in lieu of answering him.

Ashton shrugged. “I mean, I dunno. Be nice I suppose. But also I was just being stupid.”

“So, like 1 would be fine for the time being?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to have a baby? Like now?”

“Well… not now now. But like 9-ish months now? How would you feel about that?”

“A-are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you pregnant? Are we having a baby?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow to confirm. But yeah. Pretty sure.”

“I-” he started, but launched himself across the couch to give her a hard kiss instead. “What time is your appointment?”

“You want to come with me?”

“Of course I want to come with you! We’re having a baby!”

“Fletch, you’re crying,” Sam said, wiping her thumb across her husband’s cheek.

“Good tears,” he sniffed, his hands rubbing along her stomach. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet you.”

~~~

Ashton’s hand tightened its grip on Sam as they heard the rapid “swwwoooop swwwoooop swwwoooop” of their baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. “You okay?” Sam chuckled, flexing her hand.

“Terrified,” he whispered back in awe. He crooked his index finger at the screen in a little wave. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m your daddy.”

Sam swallowed thickly, tears forming in her eyes. “You are already so loved, little one,” she choked out.

~~~

The wait to 12 weeks to break the news to everyone was nothing short of torture for everyone all around as Ashton and Sam didn’t trust themselves to be around their friends without blurting out the news. So when Ashton finally corralled everyone over, Calum hugged Sam tightly before slugging Ashton in the arm as hard as he could, Luke and Michael following suit, the girls much nicer in just giving the couple both a hug hello

“Ow!” Ashton hissed through his teeth, rubbing his arm. “The fuck was that for?”

“Haven’t seen you guys in like a month. So what the fuck is going on?” Calum demanded, getting straight to the point.

“Sit down. We have presents for you all to make up for being shitty friends these last few weeks,” Sam said, gesturing for them to have a seat.

“You’re not a shitty friend, princess,” Calum told her.

“Gee thanks…” Ashton rolled his eyes. 

Michael laughed. “Seriously what Cal said. You guys just got married. Of course you’re gonna fall out of contact for a while.”

“Will you two shut up? If they feel bad and want to give us presents, let them give us presents!” Luke put in.

“Oh relax, you’ll get your present, partner,” Sam chuckled. “Fletch?”

“Yep, on it.” Ashton gave each couple a small little box. “They’re couple gifts, so sorry about that part. But we’re pretty sure you’ll love it.”

“Do we all open them together or?” Calum questioned.

“Yeah, you can open them all together,” Sam suggested, sitting back, excitement coursing through both her and Ashton as they awaited their friends’ reactions.

There was a sharp intake of breath as the lids popped open and the sonograms fell into laps. Then, “DIBS ON GODFATHER!” Calum, Luke, and Michael all shouted at once.

“What?! No! Fuck you guys! I’m godfather!” Calum claimed.

“Fuck you, Crystal and I are actually married too. We should be godparents.”

“Sierra and I are engaged! That should count!” Luke protested.

“No! I’m godfather. I’m original bub. Em’s is Sam’s childhood best friend. I officiated their fuckin’ wedding! I should be godfather! It makes the most sense,” Calum kept defending his stance.

“Would you three shut up?” Emily asked with an eye roll. “They’re having a fuckin’ baby!”

“Yeah, we’re supposed to be congratulating them,” Sierra put in.

“Oh, a baby!” Crystal beamed, her eyes watering. “Michael isn’t that great?!”

“See?!” Calum pointed a finger at Michael. “Your wife wants a baby! You can’t have a baby and be godfather to Ash and Sam’s baby, you greedy fuck.”

“Okay, but if Crystal and I have a baby then we should definitely be godparents because we’d be actual fuckin’ parents,” Michael pointed out. 

“I want to be godfather!” Luke pouted.

“You can all be godfather,” Ashton and Sam compromised.

“Unacceptable!” the guys screeched, rising to their feet. “There’s only one way to settle this,” Calum decided. “Godfather Olympics. Diaper changing. Feeding. Taking care of one of those robot babies,” he ticked each idea off on his fingers. “And… something else. We need at least 4 in the event of a tie. Oh! Best lullaby to soothe the baby with.”

“Someone get me a tortilla, and a bottle of mustard and ketchup,” Michael said, seeming to agree with Calum’s demands. “Gotta put it in writing.”

To give them all fair enough time to write a lullaby, the events were spread out over a course of the next four months. The problem ended up being that Calum won diaper changing, Michael won feeding, and then they both tied with the robot baby. The lullaby was supposed to be the tie-breaker, but Luke pulled through for his first victory- after literally crying to Ashton to help him win at least one event.

“Well, Mike and I are still tied for first, so good job to Luke, I guess. But he still lost,” Calum said, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Sam said, not really paying attention because Duke was curled up on her swollen abdomen. “Yeah, you love your baby, don’t you Dukey?” she asked, scratching the dog’s ears. Blue was too big to lay on Sam, but the pup’s ears perked up at the word “baby” and her nose came up to nuzzle into Sam’s ribs. “Oh, yes, Blue, that’s your baby too, I know,” Sam told her, petting Blue’s head with her other hand. 

“Looks like the dogs are better godparents than the actual humans,” Ashton giggled.

Sam gasped, “Fletch! That’s a great idea! What do you think, Dukey? You wanna be the baby’s godfather?”

“What?!” Luke cried in outrage. “You’re gonna pick the dogs?!”

“You lost!” Calum and Michael told him.

“So, why aren’t you angry?!”

Michael shrugged, “Honestly, it sounds like something we’d do.”

“Yeah,” Calum admitted with a sigh of defeat. “No one gets their feelings hurt this way.”

“Okay, but it’s still kinda unfair to me because I only have 1 dog,” Luke chimed back in.

“So do I,” Calum told him.

Michael snorted, “Yeah right. Blue is basically your dog like Duke is, Cal. Leaving me and you tied again at 2 a piece, and Luke with his sad 1 point.”

“Okay, but they’re dogs. They’re not gonna know the difference,” Calum said.

“So, why don’t we all just share being godfather?” Luke suggested.

Ashton shared an eye roll with Sam before going, “Genius idea, Luke! Can’t believe we didn’t think of that before.”

“I sense sarcasm.”

“Whatever,” Calum said, moving past the Godfather Olympics that declared no real winner. “Now, that we’ve decided we’re all gonna be godfather, can we know what our godkid’s name is?”

“Well, we don’t want to know the gender because Sam-” Ashton started to explain but Sam cut him off.

“Because gender is a social construct. So we’re doing it old-school and waiting.”

“Okay but do you have name ideas at least?”

Ashton smiled sheepishly, shaking his head. “We’re still figuring that out. Sorry guys.”

“A nursery theme then?”

“Space,” they both answered.

The guys nodded in agreement. “Alright, we can work with that.”

~~~

As Operation Starry Night Nursery went underway, Ashton brought up the topic of names. “We only got a couple more months until this little one makes their appearance. They kinda need a name, baby.”

“I know,” Sam said with a weary sigh. “I kinda like the name Stella if it’s a girl.”

“Stella? That’s not even your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam laughed, smacking his chest lightly. “Not after an All Time Low song! It means ‘star.’ Like how the nursery is spaced-themed.”

“Well her middle name can’t be Rosa because I don’t want people thinking I named my daughter after a beer.”

Sam gave out another snort of laughter. “No! Jesus, Fletch. Stella Grace.”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s really pretty. But what if we have a boy?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. And I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t like my ideas. Or if it’s because I don’t think we’ll need a boy name.”

“Weeeeeelllllll…” Ashton said slowly, drawing out the word, his gaze flickering over to the nightstand littered with sonogram pictures and an envelope that held the gender. “We could find out. If you want.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “You really wanna know, huh?”

“I really do,” Ashton told her, pulling the puppy dog face. “Like so fuckin’ bad. And I know I shouldn’t. But… yeah.”

“Oh, thank God!” Sam laughed in relief. “I want to know too. Gimme the damn envelope!”

Ashton quickly gave it to her, drumming his hands on his thighs for a drum roll, adding to the effect by beatboxing a drum beat to go with it, while Sam tore into the envelope. “Baby Irwin is… a girl! We’re having a girl!” she cheered with a gleeful laugh.

Ashton let out a choked giggle, a tear sliding down his cheek as his hands flew to Sam’s stomach. “Is that what you are? Huh? Are you my little star, Stella?”

There was a ripple of movement underneath his hands that had him and Sam both giggling more. “Yeah? You like that name? Oh, there are so many people waiting to meet you, Stella. People who love you more than you’ll ever know.”

~~~

“Twinkle twinkle, little star,” Ashton sang softly as he danced slowly around the room with Stella in his arms.

“Ashton Irwin, professional rock musician, singing lullabies in a hospital room,” Sam teased lightly. “Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming.”

“If it is a dream, let me sleep,” he answered. “I don’t ever wanna wake up from this.”

“Well, get your time in now. You know once the guys get her, you’re never getting her back. Shit, Calum and Emily might move in if we’re not careful.”

Ashton chuckled at the thought. “Might just all move into Mike’s. He’s got enough rooms.”

“While that’s not half bad, I’d rather not raise my baby in a mansion. She’s gonna be spoiled enough as is. Would like her to have some semblance of normal.”

“When have we ever been normal?”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I suppose your right. But you guys did work hard on the nursery. So we probably shouldn’t move.”

“Yeah, plus I kinda like our house.”

“Me too.”

“Knock, knock,” Calum announced softly, rapping his knuckles against the open door, Emily behind him.

“Hey,” Sam greeted with a smile. “Where’s everyone else?”

“We didn’t wanna crowd you guys, so we’re taking turns. Michael and I played Rock, Paper, Scissors for first slot.”

“And what about Luke?” Ashton asked with a giggle.

“He cheated at Godfather Olympics so he was disqualified. You’ll see him last. Now gimme da baby.” He made grabby hands before taking the bundle from Ashton, cradling the infant carefully to him. “Oh, hey there, little one. I’m your Uncle Cal. And this is your Auntie Emily.”

“Can you say hi to them, Stella?” Ashton asked in a quiet, but higher pitched tone, the type of voice one adopts around newborns.

“Stella?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam. “That’s not your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam facepalmed herself. “I did not name my daughter after an All Time Low song. I gave her that name because her father loves space and her name means ‘star.’ Jesus…”

“Her middle name isn’t Rosa, is it?”

“Jesus, it’s like you two are twins…” Sam said with an eye roll as Ashton busted up in a fit of giggles. “No. It’s Grace. Stella Grace.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful little girl,” Emily commented. “Now gimme that baby.”

“Fine, fine,” Calum huffed, handing over Stella. “Oh, Mike said he had news. Won’t tell us what. Said he wanted to tell you guys first.

“Oh?” Ashton and Sam asked.

Calum shrugged. “No idea. But he seems excited.”

The rest of the short visit passed in silence aside from the cooed voices at Stella, asking her if she knew that she was the cutest little girl. At the fifteen minute mark, Michael appeared in the doorway with Crystal and a teddy bear. “Time’s up, Cal,” Michael said with a knowing smirk.

“Kiss ass,” Calum scoffed, jerking his chin at the teddy bear.

“It’s not from us,” Michael answered innocently.

“Whatever,” Calum rolled his eyes playfully. He crossed the room to give Sam a kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations, princess. She’s gorgeous just like her momma.”

“Thanks, bub. Em. See you guys later?”

“Yeah, we’ll all visit again when you guys get settled back home,” Emily promised.

“So who’s this?” Michael asked, taking Stella from Calum in a gentle manner and Calum and Emily made their exit.

“This is Stella Grace. And Stella, this is your Uncle Mike and Auntie Crystal,” Ashton introduced.

“Oh, well aren’t you precious!” Crystal exclaimed, tears brimming in her eyes. “Isn’t she the sweetest, Michael?”

“Yeah, she’s a cutie,” Michael agreed. “Hey, Stella, we brought you a present. Only it’s not from us. It’s from a friend of yours, actually.”

“Yeah, Cal said you had news? Is that tied to the bear?” Sam prompted.

“Yeah. So, when you guys announced you were pregnant, Crystal and I got to talking. And we didn’t want to feel like we were trying to upstage you guys or anything, so we kept talking. But then talking got carried away. And… well, I'm sure you can guess.”

“Pregnant?” Sam croaked at Crystal.

Crystal nodded shyly. “Yeah. Just passed the three month mark.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Ashton said with a big smile, clapping Michael on the shoulder, before giving Crystal a tight hug.

“Oh, congratulations, guys!” Sam told them. “Another little one, Fletch, can you believe it? Stella, you’re getting a cousin!”

Stella opened her mouth in a tiny yawn, making Michael giggle with glee. “Yeah, that’s right! We’re getting a friend just for you. They won’t be here for a bit to say hello, so they asked if we could give you this teddy bear for now. Is that okay? Can the teddy bear be your friend until your real friend gets here?”

“That’s fuckin’ awesome, Mike. I’m so happy for you guys,” Ashton said, his cheeks sore from his grin.

“Thanks, mate.” Michael gave Stella over to Crystal, and then sat down on the hospital bed next to Sam, pulling her towards him in a side hug. “I think I officially won on the nicknames, queen. You got quite the princess over there.”

Sam laughed in agreement, “Yeah, I think you did too. Just don’t tell Cal.”

He held up a pinky for her to interlock hers with. “It’ll be our little secret.”

“Is it my turn yet?” Luke’s voice piped up.

“Get in here,” Ashton beckoned, wrapping an arm around Luke’s shoulder. “Come meet Stella.”

“Aw, cuz she’s a star!” Sierra connected the dots.

“Huh, I thought it was cuz of All Time Low.” Michael shrugged. “Oh well.”

“Jack Barakat from All Time Low?” Luke asked with a dumb grin.

“Oh, shit!” Ashton said, clapping a hand to his back pocket for his phone. “That reminds me I have people to call. Fuck, Mum’s gonna be so pissed I spaced… I’ll be right back. Baby, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

When Crystal handed Stella to Luke, he made big eyes over at Sierra. “Oh! Can we have one?!” he pleaded.

“Funny story,” Michael coughed.

Sierra tore her eyes away from Stella to shoot Crystal a look. “Are you pregnant?!”

“13 weeks tomorrow,” Crystal confirmed.

Luke broke down sobbing, and from the hallway they heard an angry, “Oh, come on!” from Calum before the man appeared in the room. “Luke found out before me?! Luke?!” he whisper-shouted at Michael.

“What were you doing in the hallway?” was the deflection.

“Well, after you came in here, I went to the gift shop since how someone broke the no gift rule. And when I went to the waiting room, Luke was gone, so I figured he was here.”

“Wait, we were allowed to bring gifts?” Luke asked in confusion, passing Stella to Sierra. “Damn it! No one tells me anything!”

“You’re telling me! Mike, seriously? Luke?!”

“We were planning on telling everyone later on. With the exception of Ash and Sam of course,” Crystal explained. “But Luke just asked Sierra for a baby, so it slipped out.”

“I guess that’s fair…” Calum huffed.

“Wait, so are we allowed to bring gifts or not?” Luke repeated his question.

“No,” Calum and Michael told him. “Mike and Crystal broke the rule on a technicality. Their gift to Stella is really from their baby. And the gift shop sucks. Can find better shit online for half the price,” Calum furthered explained. “Where’d Ash go?”

“I stepped out to call my Mum,” Ashton said from behind Calum. “She wants pictures. Sam, you up for that?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

“Alright, family photo time. Get in,” Ashton directed and set up his camera, before sitting on the other side of Sam and taking Stella from Sierra. “Say ‘twinkle twinkle little star.’”

“Twinkle twinkle, little star!” everyone grinned as the camera went off in a series of little spurts.

__

Tag List

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[talkfastromance4]

Ashton snippet

Found this while perusing through old docs, it’s titled ‘Don’t Call Me Angel” and it ends abruptly because I never finished or I don’t know what happened. But here’s a snippet of a TA!Ashton as an art teacher. 

Might have to add this to my list of WIPs to finish if it gets good reviews. Let me know what you think :)

Copyright talkfastromance4 © All works is intellectual property of the author. All rights reserved. Any redistribution or reproduction or any part or all contents in any form is prohibited. You may not, without written expression and consent from the author, distribute works amongst other social media platforms

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

• • • •

Ashton has always felt things so deeply. He loves deeply, he rages deeply, he sympathizes deeply and he plays his drums with everything he’s got. He tries to keep his emotions in check but they change like the tides, even he finds it hard to keep up with them.

Ashton lives, breathes and sweats creativity. His passion is seen in his brush strokes, his despair is shown through the negative space of his photographs. Long hours spent in the dark room and sometimes endless nights painting on large canvases in his studio apartment has given him the cliché brooding artist look; dark circles under his eyes complete the look.

When he’s not in the dark room or his apartment he frequents the coffee shop that is the perfect halfway point between his familiar places. It’s called Java Bean and serve the best iced coffee Ashton has ever tasted to tell you the God honest truth and the shop is a literal godsend for being open twenty-four hours.

Ashton’s insides are made of caffeine, paint and a constant ebb and flow of pulsating thoughts and phrases that won’t leave his mind unless he writes them down in his sketchbook. That’s another thing Ashton can never leave the house without, his sketchbook.

It’s large, black and hard covered even though the spine has long since lost the potency of its glue causing it to lie open like a cracked crab. It’s filled with his thoughts, lyrics he can’t get out of his head, small sketches of flowers or images he sees late at night when he dreams (when he gets a chance to sleep).

The book is his vice and he would rather die than ever part with it for Ashton is a closed book with every person (aside from his three best friends) but he opens up fully between those pages.

For his last year at University he’s the TA for his favorite art professor, Miss Dooley who is the perfect amount of scatter-brained and genius. She calls every student ‘pet’ and always has incense or essential oils burning in her classroom.

It has been Ashton’s wish and dream to be an art teacher for high school students, to help those like him who want to stay in their shell reveal who they truly are on the inside.

“Hello, my pet,” Miss Dooley trills in her usual sing song voice as Ashton enters the large art classroom.

He inhales the acrylic paint, the fresh wood waiting to be turned into canvases and the waxy aroma from the oil pastels stowed away in a cupboard. It’s one of his favorite smells in the world, the mediums just waiting to be used and Ashton’s fingers twitch in anticipation to create.

“Hey, Miss D,” he grins making a beeline to her desk at the front of the room. Behind her on the charcoal colored chalkboard is her name in calligraphy with broad strokes of curves and flowers.

‘Advanced Art Multi-Medium’ is written in block letters below her name as well.

“Excited for this year?” she asks rolling around a small was of blue putty in her hands. She claims it keeps her fingers and joints from failing so she’ll always be able to make art.

“Yeah, does it look like we’ll have a good class this year?” he taps the pads of his fingers on the black resin tabletop, a habit he’s always had when he’s anxious.

“Oh, I think so,” she beams her robin’s egg eyes twinkle. “It’s a full class this year, which I have you to thank for my little chickadee.”

“Me? What do you mean?”

“You’ve been the best student for the past six years you’ve been here, my prized pupil and a very handsome fella if you don’t mind me saying.”

Ashton feels the back of his neck heat up from her sentence full of compliments. Surely he’s not the reason for a full class this year? That’s ridiculous.

“I don’t think—“

Before he could finish the double wooden doors swung open and a flood of college students entered and Ashton couldn’t help but judge the first few that came in. He recognized three of the girls in front who were in Delta Zeta which he knew the only amount of creativity in their body was decorating photo backdrops.

Apart from them the rest of the class he’s seen hanging around the art wing of the school and at some of the showings he was at. At the rear was one of his best friends, Michael Clifford who decided a month ago to dye his hair a deep purple again. Michael smirks at his friend as he takes a seat next to a petite girl opening up a small black notebook.

Ashton let out an exasperated breath through his nostrils at his friend who did not tell him he’d be taking this class.

“ . . . Twenty- three . . . and twenty-four. Excellent! We’re all here!” Miss Dooley claps her hands together and moves to the front of her desk to smile sweetly at her pupils. “I recognize some of your faces but welcome to Advanced Art! I am Miss Dooley and this young man next to me is Ashton Irwin who will be my aide for this year. Would you like to inform them what this year will consist of?”

Ashton clears his throat then steps forward to stand next to Miss Dooley but ends up leaning his back against the counter behind him. He wanted them to see he was relaxed.

“Hey everybody. This year will be about using different mediums and creating something great out of them and also finding your niche in your art. Every class you’ll have five sketches of a landscape or a self-portrait or anything else that catches your eye. If you don’t have a sketchbook I recommend getting on.”

Every eye is on him and he is making a point not to look anywhere near Michael in the back. He clears his throat again before continuing.

“Your final exam for the first semester will be the beginning of your portfolio which will show the progression of your ‘voice.’ When—“

“Our voice?” a platinum blond of the Delta Zeta trio asks with her hand in the air, a confused pout on her glossed lips.

Ashton folds his arms across his chest, the leather of his jacket squeaks from the motion.

“Each artist has a voice in their work, a certain style that is all their own. That’s why when you see the blurred colors of a lily pond you know it’s Monet or the small pointed brush strokes and vivid colors of Van Gogh. Art is a voice for when you don’t know what to say, you can convey so much emotion into it. By the end of the year I want to be able to tell who’s piece is who’s, that’s how prominent it needs to be.

“If you don’t think you have it in you or won’t rise up to the challenge of being vulnerable, then I suggest you drop the class. Some people really want to be here and create art, I don’t want you to be deprived of that.”

He stands there eyeing each and every person almost daring one of them to stand up and walk out. A motion of a hand raise catches his eye in the back, he thinks it’s Michael and is ready to kick his friend out if he makes a rude comment. But it’s not Michael, it’s the girl sitting next to him.

“Yes, pet?” Miss Dooley calls on her.

“How many pieces should be in our portfolio?” she asks in a gentle voice but with sureness behind it.

“However many it takes to find your voice,” Ashton answers her. She nods then bends over her notebook to write furiously on the page.

“Well, since no one has jumped ship, let’s start off with a little exercise. Turn to the person you share a table with, introduce yourself and sketch them while you get to know each other. You will be each other’s buddies for the semester. Begin, my pets,” Miss Dooley claps her hands together again and all the students shuffle around for pencils and paper.

» » » » »

It’s a Friday night and Ashton is sitting in his favorite booth at Java Bean with his sketchbook out and earphones in to block out the small chatter of other college students. His first week of class as a TA went really well, a lot of the students showed promise. To his amusement Michael’s first sketches were of the little succulents he has scattered about his apartment.

Ashton was pleased that they took him seriously and Miss Dooley always offered her help and guidance to those who had questions. None of the students had approached Ashton but he was fine with that, he’s still learning by watching Miss Dooley interact with them.

Ashton’s hazel eyes landed on Michael and Calum approaching his table as he sipped at his black coffee. He licks his lips watching them approach with shit eating grins on their faces and he reluctantly removes his earphones. He closes his sketchbook with a soft thump, slightly glaring at his friends. They know better than to interrupt him while he’s drinking coffee and immersed in his sketchbook.

“Hey teacher,” Michael snickers pulling up a chair from the next table over. He slumps down in it with his fingers twiddling in his lap while Calum spins the chair opposite Ashton around and straddles it.

Calum pulls his dark gray beanie down lower over his ears then rests his chin on his elbows.

“Can I help you with something?” Ashton sighs leaning back in his own chair.

“Luke’s throwing a party tonight,” Calum begins, “a back to school rager, if you will.”

“Good for him.”

“C’mon Ash,” Michael whines leaning forward on his knees. “Come party with us like old times.”

“You mean like when we were freshman and your head caught fire?” Ashton quirked his eyebrows up.

“We were young and dumb then,” Michael waves it off. “Come on, it’ll be great. The girl I sit next to in your class will be there.”

“And?”

“What girl?” Calum pipes up.

“And she’s cute,” Michael shrugs, “and it will be fun for you to get out of your little hermit hole you’ve set up here.”

“I dunno guys. I want to get up early tomorrow to take some photos of the waterfall. In my photography class I’m doing a series of different locations throughout the seasons, and I think the—“

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Calum interrupts holding his hand up. “Just . . . come hang out with us before you get neck deep in your work, yeah? Just for a few hours.”

Ashton rolls his eyes then sighs before giving in.

“All right, fine. I’ll come.”

“YES! The Ash Man is back!” Michael hollers clapping his friend on the back and the other customers turn to look over in irritation.

“You’ve never called me that,” Ashton says gathering his stuff in his shoulder bag, “and don’t start now.”

 The party was like any other party Ashton has been to in his college career, granted it is a bit tamer than when they were all freshman and sophomores. For the most part everyone had their clothes on which relieved Ashton. He hated having to try and wrangle whoever it was to get their clothes back on.

The townhouse was stuffy with vape smoke making the air foggy, beer and liquor filled his nose and he felt the music course through his body.

“Hey, you brought him!” Luke exclaims with a large smile. His arms are raised bringing Ashton in for a tight hug. “Glad you’re here, buddy.”

“Thanks man,” Ashton says tousling the younger guy’s golden curls.

“Drinks are in the kitchen, but I think I hear a shot of fireball calling your name,” Luke wiggles his eyebrows dragging the guys into the kitchen.

“I haven’t had fireball since New Year’s two years ago,” Ashton chuckles.

“Ashton! Hey!”

His head snaps when he hears his name then wishes that he hadn’t. The voice belonged to Breanne Thomas, a girl he used to hook up with on and off a few years back. She was even the model for some of his photography assignments.

“Oh, hey, Breanne,” he nods politely then shuffles past her into the kitchen. He did not want to relive old times with her at the moment.

“Yikes, sorry, mate,” Calum says handing him a shot glass filled with the golden liquid.

“Whatever, let’s cheers to a new year,” he shakes it off holding his glass up in the air. They all clink and down the shots heartily. Ashton remembers the burn as it travels down his throat and into his stomach.

As the night progresses he becomes pleasantly buzzed and that’s when he knows to stop. He just stumbles out of the bathroom when he hears his name being called and looks up to see Michael waving him over near the back of the house to the backyard.

Ashton pushes through the bodies, waves of weed swirl around his head and it’s so strong he’s sure he’ll get a contact high from it. When Michael becomes more in view he notices the girl from his class standing next to him.

“This is Lennox Hastings,” Michael introduces with a loopy smile. “Lennox Hastings this is Ashton Irwin. Our teacher. My best friend.” A small hiccup escapes him.

“Hi,” she smiles shyly at Ashton, “And it’s just Lennox. You don’t have to use my last name Michael.”

“It’s a badass name, Lennox Hastings! I have to say it all. You should show him your notebook, he’s got one too. Oops, I’ve got to go. Bye!”

He skirts away into the crowd and Ashton shakes his head at his drunken friend then turns to Lennox who now looks oddly familiar now that he knows her name. Apart from seeing her in his class he swears he’s seen her somewhere else before, but where? Or did she have a twin?

“I’m sorry you’re stuck with him as a table partner,” Ashton apologizes and she laughs lightly.

“He’s not so bad. He’s fun to talk to when I’m not working.”

“How’re you liking the class so far?”

“It’s good, I’ve been looking forward to it since I got here, actually. I was in all advanced classes in my high school and I’ve heard how amazing Miss Dooley is.”

“Yeah, she’s great,” he smiles then glances around at their surroundings. There’s a couple making out against the fridge and Ashton realizes it’s Calum and some short blond haired girl. “You wanna step outside? Get some fresh air?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” she smiles opening the door.

Ashton picks up two water bottles from the bucket on the counter then follows her into the warm August night. The screen door swings shut behind him, he inhales deeply and sits on the gliding bench besides Lennox.

“Thanks,” she says taking the water bottle from him and takes a sip. “This isn’t weird, is it?”

“What isn’t weird?”

“Us being out here? You’re basically my teacher,” she laughs nervously.

“Nah, I’m just an aide. I’m not a teacher yet,” he grins at her.

Now that he’s not inside the house with loads of distractions all around, he can finally get a good look at her. She looks familiar for some reason now as he stares at her in the yellow porchlight. Her auburn hair is pulled up in a half ponytail with some fly aways clinging to her round cheeks. Her eyelashes are long atop her doe eyes and Ashton finds himself wishing to see what type of blue they are and if he could paint them.

“You’ll make a good one,” she says pulling him from his wandering mind.

“Ya think?” he leans back and rocks the glider back and forth slowly, it creaks and groans as he does.

“Yeah, you control the room well and I can tell how passionate you are about art.”

“Thanks,” he says sheepishly. He’s never been able to take compliments well, whether it’s about his art or himself. “How’re the rest of your classes going?”

“Okay so far, lots of work already in my poetry class and advanced art,” she gives him a sly smirk and nudges his ribs playfully with her elbow.

“You write?”

“Mhm. Wrote a lot this summer, great inspiration,” she says grimly.

“That’s good, right? I’ve heard writers block is shit.”

“It is.”

“So what inspired you?” he turns his body so he’s angled towards her more.

Lennox shakes her head, a piece of hair clings to her lip and Ashton desperately wants to pull it away.

“I don’t want to bore you with my heartbreak, Mr. Irwin,” she says.

“Please, call me Ashton,” he grimaces at the title. “I’m an artist, too, remember? Heartbreak makes the artist.”

“You already know it, though, the cliché story of girl meets boy. Girl falls for boy and they date and commit but then the boy gets a record deal and leaves girl behind.”

“Wait,” Ashton sits up straighter when he heard record deal. “You aren’t talking about Harry Styles, are you?”

“You know him, huh?” she says airily.

“Yeah, we don’t get along very well. At all, actually,” he chuckles.

“How come?”

“That’s not important right now. I’m sorry he hurt you.”

• • • •

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**if your url has a strike through it’s because your blog didn’t show up as a tag! :(

[irwintry]

The Many Pages of Ashton Irwin

Warnings: swearing, marijuana

Author’s Note: hey this is bad but hiatus ... over? 

Word Count: 3.6k

He wondered how many specs fit in the ceiling tiles above him. The hazy fluorescent lights no longer caused a perpetual ache behind his eyes–– he had rigged his brain to no longer feel unnecessary pains such as bright lights or loud, spine-tingling scrapes. Ashton thoroughly hated the sickly white interior of the doctor’s office. He had memorized every square inch of the niche business space, and he even knew the name of the fake plant situated by the magazines.

His head rolled forward and backward again. Meanwhile, his fingers tapped along with the soft tick, tick, tick–ing of the clock. Ashton’s heart didn’t tick like that. The red hand of the clock stopped, and a few moments later, it caught itself back up again. Ashton’s heart ticked like that. This was his train of thought every time. And two minutes later, it was always interrupted with, “Ashton, Dr. Heim is ready for you.”

“Nothing new, nothing worse,” Ashton said to his doctor at the beginning of every appointment. It felt like a ritual. If he chose not to say those words, then there would be something new–– something worse.

So, he said the truth. Nothing new, nothing worse, but in two weeks, it would always be a different story.

His appointments, like many routine checkups, were consistently regular, except they were not a healthy human’s typical “routine” checkup. Sometimes the valves in Ashton’s heart didn’t work as properly as they were supposed to. It also didn’t help that he had anemia. Most of his appointments were follow-ups from impromptu hospital visits. But his life hadn’t been terribly complicated in quite some time. His flare-ups were minor bumps in the road, but the thing that made it all worse was the fact that he was completely alone.

“Have a wonderful weekend, Janice,” said Ashton to the receptionist while on his way out. He twirled his car keys in his hand as he waved goodbye with the other.

The hot air from outside felt like a slap in the face. He knew it would take quite a while for the A.C. in his car to start working, so after sitting down and starting up the car, he left the door open. Meanwhile, he began to think about the cyclical nature of his life in this moment. It was as if his body worked on a schedule now: flare-up, hospital visit, doctor follow-up, and then fine and healthy for a few weeks before starting all over again. Hell, he even parked in the same spot every time.

Ashton hadn’t noticed the blast of cool air until goosebumps popped up on his skin. He shut his door and pulled out of the parking lot, hoping that he wouldn’t have to see this place ever again.

He had a flare-up the following week.

-

Health issues and lack-of-romantic-life aside, Ashton loved living. He loved going to new coffee shops, and he loved being a father to a lovely three-month-old fish named Gold-a Radner. He loved going to pet stores and admiring all of the fish tank décor he could buy. And then after realizing he couldn’t afford everything he wanted, he’d stop by the lake and pick up a few colorful stones. He’d then stroll back to his studio apartment with two fingers on his wrist so he could make sure he wasn’t overexerting himself.

But as much as he loved his life––to an extent, he wanted more. He wanted to live without worrying when his heart was going to freak out on him. All-in-all, he wanted to change everything about his life but somehow keep it the same. Ashton had a feeling that, if he chose to pack up his things and travel across an ocean, his heart would give out altogether.

“Well, well, well, long time no see. Come to browse and not buy again?”

So, Ashton didn’t just go to the pet store to look at tank decorations.

He cracked a smile, a rush of nerves falling over him while he mentally scolded himself for blushing so hard. “Maybe I’ll buy something today,” he replied as he strolled over in your direction.

You were cute, almost too cute. Every time he walked in, you were there behind the counter, spinning on your stool as a bright grin greeted him before he could say hello. On warmer days, you wore skirts and dresses, and he’d have to take a deep breath before speaking to you.

“Yeah?” you wondered, leaning forward against the glass counter. “You’re messin’ with our foot traffic. We didn’t make enough last quarter, so you bet ‘m gonna prod you about buyin’ stuff now.”

Ashton’s cheeks relaxed while his lips fell down into a frown. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” he said, but you were just laughing at him.

“Ash, it’s fine. I don’t care.”

“How’s your book goin’?”

You shrugged. “It’s–– well, it’s going.”

“You haven’t written anything new.”

“You got me.” You winked at him.

Ashton’s gaze fell to the rodent bedding on the shelf beside him, and he couldn’t help but fidget with the packaging. “When ya gonna tell me what this story’s about?”

You shrugged once again. “Once I feel confident that it’s actually good,” you replied. The light in your eyes hadn’t faded once throughout the conversation. It almost had him convinced that you liked him too.

“Nah, I bet it’s good. Anything you touch turns to gold,” he said, still semi-focused on the plastic edges of the bag–– too focused to realize he had just flirted with you. So, when he looked over, you were beet red, and he was relieved to now not be the only one blushing.

“W-Well, when it’s done,” you mumbled with a bashful grin, “you can be the first to read. And I’ll dedicate it to you, It’s a Pets World’s least favorite customer, Ash.”

Ashton couldn’t stop smiling. He stepped forward to lean against the counter so he could be closer to you. “Can’t wait.”

“Hopefully you don’t have to wait long,” you continued. “I just have a few more chapters in mind, and then I just have to look it over like, a bazillion times to make sure it’s good.”

“How does one write a book?”

You huffed. “Boy, I wish I knew.

The two of you laughed, and soon, Ashton had managed to pick out a small fake plant for Gold-a. And when he set down his cash on the counter between you and him, you took half of the amount and told him to have a beautiful day.

Because of you, he was certain he would.

His heart stayed healthy for the rest of the night.

-

“You think I should kill him?”

“I don’t care.”

“Like, would the readers hate me for that? Or would it be interesting? Like, would it spice things up?”

Ed sighed. “I don’t care.”

“No, I shouldn’t kill him,” you said. “I’ll convince the readers I did kill him. Ashton Irwin can’t die. I would hate myself too if I killed him.”

“I work with someone named Ashton.”

“Eddie, this feels pointless,” you mumbled. A groan followed, and you slapped down the screen of your laptop. “My book fuckin’ sucks.”

You roommate chuckled. “Cut yourself some slack, okay? It’s just a draft. If ya wanna kill him, kill him.”

“I don’t want to kill him,” you said, tossing your arms up. “I’m too attached to him. But I need tension.”

“So, give him a near-death experience.”

You gasped. “Yes. Genius. Thank you, Ed. His poor heart won’t be able to take it.”

-

It probably wasn’t a good idea to hang out with a few coworkers on a Friday night, and it definitely wasn’t a good idea to have an edible before asking, “is this an edible?”. And it certainly wasn’t a good idea to eat another, and then another, and possibly another. Before Ashton knew it, he was pacing in the bathroom, grasping the sink and the bar above the shower to keep himself steady. Falling, however, was the least of his concerns.

His heart had never raced like this, and he couldn’t quite focus hard enough to tell if it was an arrhythmic beat. Truly, he still had no clue what had caused this (he would only later realize those fantastic cookies were not as innocent as he thought). The world hadn’t moved like this before. He stormed out of the bathroom and back to the living room of his coworker’s apartment to ask someone to take him to the hospital.

But somehow, you were there, and the world froze. He was going to die, he was going to die.

“Ash, hey!” you exclaimed, rushing over to fling your arms around his shaking body. Immediately, you pulled away and knotted your brows in concern. “You good?”

He didn’t answer–– he couldn’t answer. Too much was happening in his brain to comprehend what was going on. Why were you there? Why did he feel this way? Why were his armpits so sweaty? Had you always been this cute? Why were you so close to him? Did you just hug him? How come––

“Ash?” you asked again. Your eyes widened as your hands gripped his arms a little tighter. You were touching him? His heart couldn’t take this.

Ashton blinked.

“Hey, Ed,” you said, looking over your shoulder to the few men situated on the couch. “Did he have those cookies?”

“Yeah?”

“How many?”

Ed chuckled. “Four. Devoured ‘em.”

You rolled your eyes, taking Ashton by the hand and leading him towards the door. “Ed, you’re a fucking idiot. Look at him. He’s glossed.”

Glossed? Ashton chuckled. He pictured himself head-to-toe in lip gloss.

“We’re with him,” replied Ed, “it’s fine.”

You struggled to put on your shoes, yet you didn’t let go of Ashton’s hands. “I’m taking him home.”

He liked the feeling of your skin against him–– it reminded him of raspberry lemonade on a breezy summer day. Surely, it wouldn’t be harmful if he slipped his fingers between yours. You didn’t even comment when he did.

“Whatever,” Ed said. “If you stay over with your new boyfriend, lemme know in case Greg wants to stay the night.”

“Do not let him into my room, Edward Mason,” you scolded and pointed a finger in his direction.

Ashton couldn’t quite make out what was happening, but it relieved him to know that you were simply Ed’s roommate. Ashton was halfway out of the door when he realized you weren’t denying the whole boyfriend thing, but he managed to forget about it within the next few seconds. He was too focused on the softness of your touch and the warmth of your presence, even if you were in somewhat of a rush. Meanwhile, he hadn’t thought about the rapid stuttering of his heart since first noticing you.

What he needed was a hospital, but that had left his mind.

Suddenly, he was in the passenger seat of your car, shoulders heavy while he watched his own car get smaller and smaller in the mirror as you drove away from the parking lot.

Ashton groaned before saying “oh, I do not feel good.” He set his damp forehead in his hands and let out another distressed sound.

“Yeah, cos’ my dumb fuckin’ roommate let you eat four edibles,” you responded. “Where do you live?”

“In an apartment.”

“Helpful,” you retorted. “Like, what’s your address?”

He sighed. The movement of the car convinced his brain that he was rocking on a ship in the middle of the ocean–– he assumed he would hurl at some point during this car ride. “’s on Prospect. Big factory-kind of buildin’.”

“You live in a factory?”

“Think it used t’be a mill or sumthin’,” he said, and soon groaned again due to your recent sharp turn. Ashton had never been this high before, in fact, he hadn’t done anything of the sorts since early college. After that, his heart condition had worsened, and everything he once knew, he couldn’t even touch.

He didn’t feel as ill when he spoke, as strange as it sounded. And he had a lot to say. Like, a lot.

“’m gonna need a fuckin’ burger soon,” said Ashton, his train of thought suddenly coming to a screeching halt the moment his stomach let out a rumble. “Or something. Thinkin’ ‘bout that melted cheese jus’ running down the sides–– fuck.” He nearly moaned at the idea. “Can’t eat shit at home though... there’s nothin’ there. Like, even Gold-a Radner is runnin’ outta food.”

“Gold-a Radner?”

“My goldfish,” he replied. “Ev’ry time I go to Pet’s World, I mean t’buy more. But you’re so fuckin’ pretty. Like, it’s distracting. I can never ‘member my middle name when I talk to ya. M’heart’s already busted but ya kill it again every time you smile at me. My damn fish is starvin’ because I can’t keep my tongue from draggin’ ‘cross the damn floor. Gold-a doesn’t deserve that. She won’t care that I have a petty crush on the girl at the pet store. She just wants her lil flakes.

“And it kinda fuckin’ kills me,” continued Ashton with a sigh, his speech now running slow, “that I dunno a thing about your book. I wanna know ya. Like, you don’t owe me anything, b-but–– I wanna know ya! You makin’ me––“ Ashton chuckled. “You makin’. I mean, you make me nervous. Dunno.”

All information coming from his brain to his lips had cut off, and the space between the two of you grew eerily silent. He nearly reached to turn on the radio. The only sounds penetrating the thick air were the soft, rhythmic clicks of the blinker, and Ashton found himself trying to count each one as the minutes passed. Time seemed to avail him, however, despite the silence. Before he could speak another word, you were turning onto Prospect Avenue.

“This building,” he said, and you abruptly hit the brakes. “Thank you, I’ll–– “

“Are you feeling better?” you asked him, eyes soft as he stared back at you (he assumed his eyes were not as kind).

He nodded.

“Good,” you said.

“Jus’ hungry.”

You nodded, too.

“See ya,” he said.

“Bye.”

Ashton took a deep breath as he watched you drive away. The situation had finally started to dawn on him. Your mood shifted after he rambled his confession, and truth be told, he hardly remembered what he said. His brain worked too fast, and now it was working too slow. Ashton didn’t know if he could show his face in It’s a Pet’s World again–– he’d have to find a new place in town... he’d have to go to Petco, but he didn’t want to go to Petco. He wanted to see you.

As he unlocked the door to his building, his heart skipped a beat.

-

“Your co-worker likes me.”

“What?”

“Ash,” you said. “He likes me.”

Ed quirked an eyebrow. “The dude you named your character after?”

“What?”

“Ashton.”

“That’s his name?”

“Do you like him?” asked Ed.

You thought for a moment. “I–– “

“You do?”

“Well–– “

“You’re taking too long to think,” he observed.

You rolled your eyes. “Ed. That’s the thing. I’m thinking. I... like his company. I like it when he comes into Pet’s World. I like it when he laughs at my jokes. I like his laugh. I like his smile. I like it when he talks to me about his favorite juice. I like when he asks me about my book. I–– “ You sighed, still thinking. “I like how tall he is, how kind he is, how smart he is. I like when he acts all bashful and warms up to his confidence. I like how warm he is. I–– “

“Sounds like you like him.”

You frowned. “Yeah.”

-

Ashton managed to put off going to the pet store for about a week, but Gold-a’s food had run out completely by Friday morning. Maybe, just maybe, someone else would be on shift. Maybe he would be lucky, and maybe he could continue to avoid his problems instead of facing them.

He knew you were in because of the music you played–– Gloria Estefan brightened your mood and made you want to dance. He wondered if you had been waiting for him, if you had been dreading his arrival. By this point, you most likely could have guessed his frequent appearance was only because of you, so it was possible you weren’t expecting him at all. And lucky for him, you were helping out a customer at the counter when he walked in. He quickly made his way to the aisle with the fish food.

“Ash– Ash!” you called after him, now hot on his tail as the customer you had been helping made their way out of the store. “Hey.”

He didn’t want to stop out of partial embarrassment from the other not. He also didn’t want to stop because he knew he would have to turn around. If he turned around, he would fall into a puddle just from looking at you. But then you placed your hand on his shoulder, and he felt his entire body erupt in flames. How could he avoid someone like you? It was such a gentle touch–– Ashton turned around without thinking twice.

All he saw was the soft smile he had grown to love, and he didn’t have to think again after that. Your hands grasped his cheeks as you lifted yourself up to capture his lips in yours. It was hard and soft all at once. Ashton’s hands flew to your waist to steady you, but he also needed to feel you. He needed to memorize himself with every line, every curve. And right now, with your lips moving against his in a slow yet passionate motion, he hardly had a chance to register a single thing.

He especially couldn’t register the perpetual ache growing in his chest, and the dizziness that followed wasn’t caused by you. This made him believe he was running out of air, so he pulled away, skin flushed for many reasons.

“I’m– I’m sorry for the other night,” you said, and meanwhile, he was leaning into your touch. He needed to lay down. “I didn’t really know what to say, and that– that was dumb of me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Like, you’re on my mind literally every second now. I finally finished my book but it was hard because–– “

Ashton held up his hand, his fingers trembling as he attempted to stumble out of your grasp. His chest felt heavy, almost like it was sinking into him. And he couldn’t focus on your face–– there were too many bright spots flickering in and out.

“Ash–– “

“M-my God, what’s– wha’s happening?” He gripped your forearms, nearly taking you down with his weight as his body swayed.

“Ash–– Ash! What’s going on?” you asked, worry lacing your tone. “Ya gotta tell me what’s going on. Please.”

“Heart,” he breathed out. “My heart.”

“’m calling 911, okay? I’m calling–– “

His hearing failed him, and the bright spots turned dark.

-

When Ashton awoke, his body ached, and it seemed as though there were small weights holding down his eyelids. He felt stuck between a physical plane, yet he could feel the sensation of fingernails against his scalp, and he could feel the warm skin of a hand on his. He could also feel the gentle flow of oxygen through his nostrils, and he knew that feeling all too well.

Right away, he knew the presence beside him was you. He could remember his hands on your waist, your lips slotting against his while the fish in the tanks across the room watched in confusion. He could remember your hands roaming his chest and neck to make sure his heart was still beating.

“’ows your book comin’?” he mumbled, lips hardly moving as his eyelids lift ever so slightly.

Your face lit up, great big smile and all as you pushed yourself forehead to press small kisses all over his face. “Don’t you fuckin’ do that to me again, ‘kay? You shit.”

He managed out a small laugh. “Sorry.”

You sighed, letting a small moment of silence creep in before you opened your mouth to say, “I never knew.”

“Wha’?”

“I–– “ You glanced around, unsure. “I don’t know how I did it. I mean, I don’t really know you, yet–– “

“What?”

You frowned. “I wrote a story about you.”

His lips pulled into a small smile, and his eyebrow lifted slightly.

“But not like, about you,” you continued. “Like, it has to be a coincidence, right? I didn’t know your full name, but I wrote a story about you, Ashton Irwin. But I didn’t know it was you! I wrote about you and your heart condition, and I was going to kill you! In the story, that is. I was going to make you almost die, and then you almost fucking died. I’m just–– “ You sighed again. “I never knew anything about you. How did I do that?”

Ashton was kind of confused, but he didn’t care all that much. No matter the severity of his flare-up, he was always happy to be alive, and now he was happy to be alive with you.

“Jus’ a coincidence,” he said, turning your wrist around so he could trace shapes onto your palm. Your fingers were still playing with stray locks of his hair. “’s’all. Thanks fo’ not killin’ me though.”

You nodded. “Well, there’s one thing I didn’t write.”

“Wha’s that?”

“I didn’t write myself into the story,” you said, “so that’s what makes it all different. Just a coincidence.”

Ashton grinned, leaning forward so he could press a kiss to your lips. “Will ya still add me to the dedications?”

“Ya got a whole book apparently,” you replied as you gave a few strands of his hair a playful tug. Your other hand came to rest on his chest, right above his heart. “But of course. To It’s a Pets World’s least favorite customer, Ashton Irwin.”

[easier-5sos]

Study Buddies - Ashton Irwin

A/N: So I wrote this whilst actually studying for a huge exam and so I’m so sorry if this is complete shit): Anyways, I hope someone finds a little joy in it. I did a twist on the request and left it like this because I’m thinking about writing a part 2, but that depends on if people like this or not! Much love xx Summary: You and Ashton are study buddies. You want more, but from what you can see and tell, Ashton doesn’t.  Warnings: None except for potential heartbreak, lol? (I also didn’t proofread this).  Word count: 1,7k  - You and Ashton had gotten to know each quickly after you started college. Ashton was two years ahead of you, but he had to retake one of his first year classes and you two were paired up to do an assignment together and ever since that day, Ashton has happily been helping you through your english studies. You’ve passed every test so far, and you’re almost a 100% sure that it’s all thanks to him, but he refuses to accept that and keeps on telling you; ”It’s all you, smartypants, I’m just guiding you through the mess that’s college.”   You weren’t just study buddies, though. Spending as much time together as the two of you did you’re bound to become more, and so your studying turned into just spending time together doing anything and everything; watching films, playing games, going to college parties and much much more. Ashton was special to you, that much was obvious both to you and a lot of people around you. As sweet, kind and caring as he was, it’s hard not to treasure and love someone like him. 

   You awaken from your thoughts, feeling Ashton throw a scrunched up ball of paper against your head. You look up from your book, which you admittedly was no longer reading but rather just staring at, to meet his eyes. ”(Y/N)! You need to focus!” He chuckles at you and you just grin sheepishly back at him.   ”I am! I am very focused and I think reading about.. this, uh.. this, yes, is very entertaining.” You say, not really trying to hide that you had absolutely no idea what the book you were holding in your hands was about, and Ashton could easily tell you weren’t focusing anyway so there was no point in hiding it.   He moves down from where he was sitting on your bed to instead sit next to your laying figure on the floor. He swiftly grabs the book from your hands and look at the front page, then chuckles to himself before he flips it so it’s the right way around. ”This might make things easier for you, darlin’.” He grins down at you and your blood rushes to your cheeks, making you blush.     ”I just.. I’ve been to every class and usually after the professors have gone through what the book is roughly about I can understand what I’m reading but.. this has just gone straight over my head. I have no idea what they were talking about, and reading this book is like reading a different language.” You whine and rest your cheek down against the book, pouting up at your way too amused looking best friend. 

  ”Are you hoping the facts are gonna jump into your head from the book?” He jokes but right now you don’t find it all that funny. You’re just so frustrated that you don’t understand anything either the book or Ashton is trying to tell you. You feel like a stupid failure. Ashton notices you didn’t react to what he said and so he lays down next to you, his cheek against your carpet and his head facing yours. ”You’ll get this, sooner or later. I’m not giving up on you, okay? You’ll ace this exam and I’ll make sure of it.”   You can’t help but smile this time and you nod your head in agreement as to what he just said. Of course, you think to yourself, of course I’ll make it with his help. You sit back up slowly and stretch your arm out about your head. ”Okay then, loser, why are you laying on the floor for? We’ve got some studying to do!”   For the following couple of weeks you and Ashton switch into fifth gear when it comes to studying for your exam. He’d come over every day when neither of you were busy, and he’d always come prepared with snacks and drinks knowing how easily you get grumpy or fussy when you feel peckish. Ashton is a dream to you, both as a friend and a study buddy, and so it didn’t come as a surprise to you when one day when he walked through your front door you wanted nothing more but to wrap your arms around his neck and press your lips to his.   So from that day forward things got a little more.. tense, from your end. When he’d come too close to you and you could smell his cologne you’d have to hold your breath to keep yourself calm, and when his hands would brush against yours when you were holding the same book your heart would yell at you to hold it, but you forced yourself not too. Besides the tension (from what you could tell was coming from your side only) studying went brilliantly. After a couple of days you got the basics and from there it was much easier to build on all the new facts you had to process and remember before the day of your exam. ~ ”So, how did it go?!” Ashton asked, the excitement in his voice was very noticeable and it only made the lump of nervousness in your abdomen grow bigger. You look up at him, letting out a puff of air.   ”I haven’t opened the link yet,” you admit, feeling your phone begin to slide out of your hand. Ashton takes his chance and grabs your phone from you, quickly clicking on the link without asking you for permission. You widen your eyes as you realise what he’s doing and you open your mouth to protest when you see Ashton’s face light up.   ”Babes, you passed!” He says excitedly and you just gape at him, your eyes still wide. ”See! Look, look, look!” He shows you the screen of your phone and you let out a faint chuckle as you see the result. You actually passed. Still in a state of shock it takes you a moment to realise that Ashton had lifted you off of your feet and was now spinning you around. ”We’re celebrating tonight, whether you want to or not (Y/N).” He states once he puts you back down and you look up at him and his goofy looking face.   You keep your eyes on his and a little smile spreads over your lips before you nod your head in agreement. ”A celebration dinner would be lovely, I would really like that.” Ashton smiles at that and nods his head.   ”Alright, perfect. I’ll get everything arranged and I’ll come pick you up around seven, yeah?” He says it quickly, and you can tell how excited he is but you don’t know if it’s because of the fact that you passed or because you said yes to going to dinner with him. You hope for the second statement, because that’s what you were most happy about. Going to dinner with Ashton? Just the two of you? Yes. Please. Even though you were pretty sure Ashton didn’t see this as a date, to you that’s exactly what you wanted it to be. You wanted to bond with him more, get to know each other on a deeper level, and then hopefully tell him how you feel at the end of the night. ”(Y/N), is seven okay?” Ashton brings you back from your thoughts and you smile up at him.   ”Seven is perfect. I’ll see you then.” ~ That evening Ashton knocks on your door at exactly seven, and you open the door at exactly two minutes past to both make him sweat a little and two not seem too desperate. You look up at the six feet tall man standing in front of you, and the second thing you see is the bouquet of flowers he’s holding out for you.   ”Flowers for the genius,” he grins wide and you take the flowers from him, letting out a quiet laugh at his comment.   ”I’m only a genius thanks to you, Ash. You deserve flowers more than I do.” You mean every word you say, but then hurry to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase because there is no way you’re giving these beautiful flowers back to him.   Ashton drives you to a restaurant, a restaurant you’ve been to a couple of times and that serves food that the two of you love. It’s a safe bet, and you don’t mind because you’re not as excited over the food as you about spending some quality time with your best friend. You both walk inside and sit down at the same table as always, the one in the corner by the window so you can watch people walk past and guess their names and professions, something you and Ashton always do whenever you two spend time together somewhere in public. It was an easy thing to do and talk about when silence fell over you both.   However after you two sat down you two started talking about this and that and this time, you didn’t have to play any guessing game. ~ ”I had a really lovely evening.” You look over at Ashton from where you were sitting in the passengers seat of his car. He had just stopped outside your apartment building to drop you off before he headed home himself, but you don’t want to get out of the car. You don’t want this evening to end.   ”I did too, we should do this more often.” Your heart skips a beat in your chest at his words. He wants to do this again. He wants to do it again. You can’t help but grin wide at his words, but the grin quickly fades again when he continues talking: ”Hanging out with you is awesome, you’re one hell of a friend, (Y/N).”   You’re one hell of a friend, (Y/N). The words ring around in your head for a while, and you fake a smile and kiss his cheek before you get out of his car. ”Thanks for today, Ash. I’ll see you when I see you.” You close the car door and he waves bye to you before he drives home, leaving you heartbroken and devastated where you were standing. 

[goldenlukelit]

Addicting//Ashton Irwin

Some people are like alcohol, for a moment, they make you feel like the happiest person in the universe and the next day it’s all the same and things are back to pain. That’s how things were with you and Ashton. Ashton and you separated at the start of the year when the band went on tour but since he’s been home you keep running back to one another only a night, for a small greedy moment. Opening your eyes you mutter “shit” to yourself recognising the same black and white hanging light indicating you’re in Ashton’s bedroom and given that your clothes are spread over the floor and the amount you had to drink last night it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. Ashton called you from the bar, it was just down the road from his house and he’d invite you over sending Calum home claiming a stomach bug. The night was always fun with Ashton his hands all over you, lips locked together he knew exactly what you liked but come the morning you see slightly less in sync. “You need to leave I have to get to the studio” Ashton words are blunt as he leaves the bed turning the shower on to warm it up. “Wow you sure know how to make a girl feel special” you spit, fed up of Ashton treating you like a easy cheap shag. “We did date, you can at least treat me with a bit of respect” “I let you stay the night y/n” Ashton reasoned “you’re my ex you shouldn’t be here anyway” “Then stop calling me!” you spat holding firm eye contact. “But you love it, that’s why you always come, forgive the pun” Ashton smirks cockily at you knowing very few have the same effect on you as he does. “God you are something” you rolled your eyes at him. “Shut the door on your way out” Ashton stalks pff towards the bathroom heading into the steamy shower. You know you should have left but  just like alcohol Ashton was addictive and you couldn’t help but follow him, Ashton was dangerous and your relationship with him even more so. But you knew there was a temporary solution that could ease the tension from the room. You step into the shower pulling Ashton closet and pressing a hard kiss on his lips before he has any time to say anything. “We never do this sober y/n” he mutters but his hands are on your hips his lips on his neck, “why not we know it works?”. Ashton moves his lips to yours the kiss deepening as he traces your entrance with his fingers teasing you, you moan against his lips as he slowly inserts his fingers into you and begins pumping. “Ashton faster please” you demand and Ashton complies, your nails digging softly into his back and then your pressed against the shower wall the cool titles pressing against your warm body as Ashton speeds the action up, you throw your head back moving your hands to Ashton’s hair as you reach your climax. “Look me in the eyes” Ashton orders you and you do as your told, the pleasure causes you to squeeze your eyes right at he hits you right where you need it most, even with your eyes closed you can picture Ashton’s cocky smirk as he watches you loose it under his touch.

You finish your shower changing and then meeting Ashton in the kitchen. He’s wearing tracksuit bottoms and no top, a sight you remember from when he was your boyfriend and you’d wake up to him already making you your morning coffee and occasionally pancakes. Jessie’s girl plays quietly on the house speakers and Ashton songs quietly along to it. You smile to yourself the same affection you had for Ashton all those months ago still present, Ashton was definitely made to be loved everything about him just demand to be treasured and adored, you on the other were made to be loved too soft for your own good and a constant need to be liked and to just love, but some people don’t want love, you were starting to think Ashton was one of those. “You know you deserve better” you speak softly when you notice that Ashton is now looking at you “what are you talking about?” Ashton furrows his eyebrows at you “I deserve better, everyone deserves better really but somewhere down the line we mess up, I want to love and you want love, I can tell so don’t try and deny it, technically that should have meant we worked out but now all we do is fuck” “It’s all we’re good at” Ashton let’s a small chuckle escaping his lips most probably thinking of the fun you’ve had in the past. “Maybe, but this isn’t what I want and I know it’s not what you want either” Ashton shrugs taking a sip of his coffee “what are you suggesting y/n?” He raises his eyebrows at you suspiciously. “That either we have a go at being in a real relationship again or we both delete one another’s number that way there’s no chance of us calling when one of us has had too much to drink”. There’s a long pause and you gather up your bag heading towards the door knowing what the silence means Ashton’s just too kind to say it. “Y/N I’m sorry” he opens his mouth to say more but you shrug holding back tears “we tried it once and it didn’t work out I get it” and with that you exit his apartment.

It must be about 2 when the ringing of your phone stirs your sleep “hello?” You answer your voice hoarse from just waking up “sorry I didn’t mean to wake you” Ashton’s familiar voice responds. “Ashton” you whisper shocked that he phoned you. “Hey, look I know it’s 2 and you have work tomorrow but umm it turns out I remember your number...I don’t even know my own” a little giggle escapes his lips “I just called because umm I thought about love and turns out I do want it, and things have changed between us and I really want to give it another go because well you’re yet amazing. I’ve given you a million reasons to leave but you’ve always turned them into reasons to stay”. There’s a long pause neither of you knowing what to say “Ashton I love you but maybe this isn’t right” “Please, I wanna work on this I wanna be the one” you rub a hand over your face stressing over his words.” Meet me for breakfast” “I can’t” “I only wanna talk to you” Ashton responds and you swear you could feel his gaze resting on you. “We’re poisoning one another Ashton don’t you see, our goals aren’t the same” “But I love and support you” “That’s not enough Ashton I’m sorry, this isn’t meant to be. I’m trying to open my own law firm and you’ve got a album to write, I need to focus on myself do you understand?” “Yeah, umm bye I guess” “Goodbye Ashton”

[igarbagecannoteven]

Hiya Megs!! 8, 18, 22, 37, 75, 91 ♥️♥️♥️

heya annie!! so lovely to have you stop by 😊

8. Drive by Ashton Irwin !!!!!!!! i love this song more than is healthy probably i mean he really couldn't have made a song more catered towards me like we've got driving is for lovers, we've got a song that reminds me very strongly of my friends, we've got an emotional hurt/comfort song, we've got rock influences, we've got one of the most romantic songs (dare i say ever?), like he really did that huh!!! he really did that!!!!!

18. West Coast Smoker by Fall Out Boy oh heck yeah!!! what a banger!!! this is such a fun song to jam out to i love making up silly choreography to go with it and the part towards the end (the bridge?) where it has the drums doing the knocking talked about in the lyrics?? pure genius like !!! plus it contains what is possibly one of my favorite lyrics of all time "got my degree in the gutter my heart broken in/the dorms of the ivy league" which i mean. need i say more?

22. Dancing In the Dark by Bruce Springsteen mmmmmmm if you take this song literally and pretend there's no s*xual innuendo then this song is me i am this song but if you keep the innnuendo then i could not be more different from this song skldjflksdjfkl. it's just such a good song and i'm a little in love with it so do with that what you will.

37. The Kill by Thirty Seconds to Mars that's right boys i am in fact an emo kid to my core thank you for asking :)) this song is such a fun song to drive to especially when you pull up to a red light and get to jam out and the other drivers give you weird looks which normally would kick my anxiety up to eleven but this song is such a banger it does not matter and i love that for me :)))

75. Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy i've talked about this one here!

91. Twenty Something - Stripped Version by Nightly ooooo this is a nice one would love to write something for it someday! bc i mean you've got to admit this song screams fic material. *sighs in has too many wips to add another anytime soon* skdjfkdsjfl

[daydadahlias]

I will convey my thoughts in truck-sized format:

believe it or not I actually wrote little notes so I remember what to compliment you on lol ig when the writing is immaculate you can't help but to annotate

first of all, "but the air is quiet and the silence doesn't attempt to tease him as ashton would" HUH??? OKAY SHAKESPEARE GO OFF

the phone bleating was such interesting word choice you're so smart bestie

Ashton just casually calling luke to tell him about his day,,,, and his faMILY like they're literally mARRIED (insert "make your good love known to me or just tell me bout your day" ~hozier <3)

also,

ash: how about we have a date :)

luke: fake date 😣

ash: anything for u golden boy ;))💞💟💗💖💖💞💞💝💖

luke: sigh what a phenomenal actor

he's so dumb but I love him

LUKE LIMPS BACK TO CAMPUS AFTER SPRING BREAK ,, WOUNDED ETC LOVE THE CALLBACK TO CH 1

kierra is cute love them

CAL'S GRAND ENTRANCE ASKDFJLEKLDKDKD ALSO LULU LMAO

okay now this is a lil weird but when ash went "whatd you think is in my backpack" it intensely reminded me of that cursed imagine that was like "imagine you come out of a tooth transplant and harry styles is like who do you fink gave you the teef luv"

anyway

ashton irwin eating chocolate is something that can actually be so personal

methinks dove should sponsor you and also if we're doing pet name discourse "dove" is cute and would be funny in reference to the chocolate

the way lukes hate for the horsemint carries over into weeding his parents' garden is everything I ever hoped for what a cute lil detail

ashtons lack of constant need for validation??????? how dOes he do it???

VERY GOOD DALE SAID VERY GOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

the way luke's drink of choice is just.. alcoholic lemonade is so perfect

michael and crystal "swaying sweetly together" is the cutest thing I've ever read aw I'm soft REMINDED ME THAT THEYRE GETTING MARRIED SOON IRL‼️‼️‼️

aSH TELLING THEM TO PLAY FRANK OCEAN AH IM DEAD PLS

accidentally skipped the line where luke turns around and was rly confused for like 5 minutes oops

drunk luke finally Actually admitting that he's in love was so on brand for u

drunk luke is a wordsmith of sorts YOU GET TO PLAY YOURSELF AND I GE TTO BE THE PRETTY BASTARD ARE YOU KID D I N G ME

ashton consent king 👑 love him

I really like the way even after luke realized nothing could bad could really come out of the situation (bc ash said he wanted him) he was still kind of nervous and panicky because that's realistic (I assume) (I have never been in such a situation)(obviously)

kind of skimmed the smut because wasn't feeling it rn but looks good 👍 tbh I was really hoping that the hickey from chapter 3 would be recreated but i WASNT expecting Ashton to purposely try to recreate it which is so genius on your part

... I now get why you blocked out all the text around that little snippet you sent me because wow that is from literally in the middle of a sex scene bestie what

the part where ash pulls him up by his hair so he can be flush against him was rly good tho

¿¿how does one not know what a spatula looks like??

haha you're trying to scare me with that "a type of fear" stuff but obviously I'm not afraid because obviously ash is in love with luke and obviously it'll be happy ending because you have to duh

loved it you are a very very very (insert 30 more verys) good writer and so good at everything

Okay, TB, lemme go through this.

You writing little notes while reading makes me so immensely soft you literally have no idea. And that specific line (”but the air is quiet”) is one where I went, “Is this too much? This feels like too much” but I kept it in. So thanks for confirming that it was in fact too much by calling me Shakespeare lmfao.  

I very often describe phones as “bleating” tbh. I don’t know why though. “Beep” is ugly to me so. 

Hozier reference, LETS GO. Ashton is a good fucking boyfriend. Soft, sweet boy. Also, this lil’ A&L exchange you wrote had me fucking cackling. Luke has not one single brain cell at any point in this entire fic, I’m so sorry.

I am nothing without callbacks man. There’s like at least three or four in this chapter. I love them. 

Kierra is !! my everything !!

Honestly wish this fic had more Cal. I love writing Cal. And Lulu is actually sort of a reference to Lulu Lemon lmfao. yeah. I- Yeah.

Ashton Irwin deserves sweet things. So I let him eat chocolate until I can give him them. Would LOVE a sponsor from dove, and I should have used it as a nickname, dammit. Maybe I’ll throw it in to chapter 9 or 10. 

I’m so !!! that you pointed out Luke’s hate for weeds !! Ah! Such a tiny detail that I love so I’m so happy you said something. 

I mean,,, Ashton’s lack of constant need for validation does in fact live in the mindset that he thinks no one is going to validate him. 

Dale said good job !! Because Luke is a good actor!! He’s just a dumbass. 

Luke is very “must be lemonade or I’m not drinking it” lol. And Mystal makes me so happy. I’m so happy for them irl, it’s unreal. 

Frank Ocean scene is one I’d been planning since chapter fucking one. 

“Drunk Luke finally Actually admitting that he’s in love was so on brand for you” thank you, I think. I think thank you.

This bar scene was seriously, like, the third thing I plotted for this fic. 

Consent is SO sexy.

Luke is a little ball of stress pieced together with tape and glue and several words of affirmation. 

There’s something about you recommending me a heavy dom/sub smut story and then going “Sorry, Jess, wasn’t feeling your smut tonight” that cracks me the fuck up. I totally get that! I usually don’t read smut scenes at all; just their dialogue so I know what’s going on. “But looks good” LMFAO. 

I thought you were gonna like the porn bestie, I’m sorry. 

(spatula bit is like,,, y’know when you’re shuffling around all tired and nothing makes sense and you’re like, ‘fuck why did I come in here??’ that’s the kind of vibe with him I was going for)

I’m not trying to scare you!! This fic has a happy ending!! I’ve said a hundred times over that it does!! I swear it does!

Thank you so so much, seriously. aA this is so nice. 

[whenmusicspeaksfl]

Is it wrong to expect substance from music in the alternative/punk scene?

The crap thing about becoming successful and/or genuine with a certain type of subgenre, whether it’s pop punk, post hardcore, or metalcore, is that, soon after, a lot of lyrically and musically inferior bands come out to cash in on the trend. 

Enter Makeout from Rhode Island. Formed out of the ashes of generic but musically superior post hardcore band Like Monroe, it makes sense that they’ve written with 5SOS’ Ashton Irwin and Calum Hood as Makeout sounds like a 5SOS ripoff that’s trying to be edgier. The key word is “trying”. They're about as edgy as a 13-year-old wearing eyeliner, listening to Brand New, and claiming “It’s not a phase, Mom!” 

Take the song “Secrets”. One of three singles from upcoming album “The Good Life”, there’s little to like about it other than an oddly specific but creative insult that says: “go choke on a hot dog from 7-11”. I love a good angry song as much as the next person but I can think of four songs off the top of my head that are lyrically and musically more creative than the tripe that this song is. 

The aforementioned Brand New has one of my favorites called “Seventy Times 7”, I Prevail has “Already Dead”, and Set It Off has both “Hypnotized” and “Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing”, “Seventy” has so many “holy shit, did he really just say that?” moments that you have to listen to the song 3 more times just to get the full effect. Some of my favorites include “So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die” and “So, is that what you call a getaway?/Tell me what you got away with/Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish/I've seen more guts in 11-year-old kids/Have another drink and drive yourself home/I hope there's ice on all the roads/And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt/And again when your head goes through the windshield/And is that what you call tact?/You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back/So let's end this call, and end this conversation...” 

The lyrics are also self-aware: “As if it happening wasn’t enough, I gotta go and write a song to remind myself how bad it sucked”. 

There isn’t a smidge of self-awareness to find anywhere in any of the stuff I’ve heard so far from Makeout. 

“Already Dead”, “Hypnotized”, and “Wolf in...” are bound to make the listener say, “well, damn, who pissed y’all off?” with lyrics like “I’d pull the trigger but you’re already dead/if I could bring you back to life/I’d kill you again” and “Wanna add a habit and light about 30 cigarettes? (You should)/You’re only mad about the fact that I put a light to you/basically tracing paper when all we see is right through you!” and finally, “If I could kill you, I would, but it’s illegal in all 50 states. Having said that, burn. in. HELL.” 

The music in these songs also creates a foreboding atmosphere what with the hammering drums, angry vocals, and dark sounding guitars. 

“Secrets” is so inexcusably juvenile that you’d think a group of 12-15 year olds wrote it, but no, the members of Makeout are 20+. In other words, they’re old enough to know better and should know better, especially with such big names as super producer John Feldmann and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker working with them. There’s nothing musically enjoyable about it either as it’s acoustic strumming with no variation during the whole song.  The cringefest continues for two more minutes after the hot dog line with lyrics like “...’all the money I spent on Sephora while I was on tour and you were with Kevin No more Nobu on my bill, you broke bitch” and “You blew it with your bullshit, you fucking whore/And every time I think of you I'm sick/And I bet you still think that you're the shit”. This is insultingly bad writing and it makes me angry that they exploit every bad millennial stereotype in order to be relatable: “I stayed awake watching porn on my iPhone/It's almost like I don't need you/I wish I knew it was easy as this then it wouldn't have taken me this long to leave you/Postmates me some sushi almost got me feeling human/Sugar daddy, I bet you already got a new one/I'm a do my best to make sure your life stay in ruins/And everybody knows that you're a bitch, say I won't do it.” 

This exploitation continues if you take a look at the track list for “The Good Life”: 

1. Childish 

2 Crazy

3 Lisa 

4 Ride It Out 

5 Open Minded 

6 You Can't Blame Me 

7 Clockwork 

8 Till We're Gone 

9 Salt Lake City Lyrics

10 Secrets

11 Where's My Charger 

12 Blast Off 

Their first single, “Crazy”, came to my attention when it was on my Spotify playlist, Release Radar. It’s also the only one of Makeout’s singles that won’t have you scrambling for the skip button. It’s catchy and bouncy enough to jam to if you don’t listen to the lyrics too closely. There are less cringe moments than on “Secrets”, but there’s still at least two: “You’ll be out all night then you sleep all day/Gettin' way too high, but I’m fuckin' with it anyway/Maxin’ out my cards when I just got paid/Went and crashed my car/It’s the same shit just a different day!” and “Every time you’re sexin’ me/Feel like I’m about to lose it girl you’re fuckin’ deadly...” 

“Ride It Out” is as generic as it gets when it comes to songs about dysfunctional relationships: backing vocals crooning “whoa-oh-oh”, slow, major chord opening, and equally as generic lyrics. 

Says the chorus: “Don't let this burn out/just leave your guard down Cause when I dream about you here I wanna ride it out (ride it out)/Know when you fall down/I'll have my arms out/’Cause when you're lying next to me I wanna ride it out (ride it out)...” So romantic. Every girl’s or guy’s dream words (said with extreme sarcasm): “This is basically a shitty situation but I’m too stubborn to let it go.” 

The song continues with this: “Breathe you in/The nights we shared I'd like to live again/Seemed like seconds that would never end/Can we pretend?” 

The listener is then treated to another unbelievably juvenile lyric: “Stop the clock/Draw our futures in the pavement chalk/Stretch the moments when we lock our eyes/And feel the light again...” The second and third graders I work with LOVE pavement chalk. i think that says everything. In somewhat related and hilariously ironic news, their Genius lyrics page doesn’t have a picture of the band, just a silhouette of a baby crawling on the floor. 

If you think I’m being too harsh, listen to these train wrecks for yourself and let me know: 

“Secrets” 

“Crazy” 

“Ride It Out” 

I’m also on Twitter and Instagram @ writergirlfl.

[steelmagnoliamusic]

5 October 2020

Music Review: “Have U Found What UR Looking For” by Ashton Irwin

You bet your ass I’m gonna keep talking about this bitch. I haven’t had so much creative energy in a hot minute, so I’m taking sweet advantage of this. Because single #2 is out now! Holy fucking shit.... Y’all........... Bomb fucking ass. AAAAHHH. Ashton fucking Irwin has SKILL. So much talent. Like what are words?????

I’m not even gonna start on the lyrical genius. Can we talk about that damn sound?! It’s so rocking. Irwin said in his publicity email, “[Matt and I] got chatting about the vibe I was into musically at that point in time ... He played the HUFWULF? chords. My mind instantly went to ... U2 playing in Italy to 80,000 people. ... I wanted an awesome tempo that was reminiscent of The Verve’s, “Bitter Sweet Symphony” with the sonic edge of the band I love called Failure.” And as a U2-raised child around “Bitter Sweet Symphony” time, it hits the fucking spot! My god! It honestly reminds me of  a concoction of “Where the Streets Have No Name,” “Sunday Bloody Sunday,” “California (There Is No End To Love),” and “Iris (Hold Me Close).” Those first two being damn classics. Y’all I don’t know how to play a single instrument (not that I have the money or space to buy one right now), but I’m going to learn this song some way somehow. It’s Foo Fighters bad ass, and you know how I feel about the Foo. *CHEF KISS*

Okay, now lemme talk about the lyrics. Referring back to his PR email, Irwin said, “So this is where it all began. ... The question arose in my mind… When we have all worked so hard for so long with no break like this before, what was I hoping to get out of all the hours I put in working [and socializing with friends, his work ethic, alcoholism]. ... Why’d we do it all? ... The verses play “tug of war” with depression and the way it ruins all motivation and makes the mind incredibly foggy and hard to focus.... This song lyrically is me literally fighting the resistance to NOT make an album, NOT be my truest self, NOT write lyrics or make new songs. This song explores resistance and overcoming it. In doing so, you will find everything you ever wanted on the other side of fear!” And he is not wrong.

First verse, he brings up that foggy, hard to focus, zero motivation feeling of depression: “Tied up, hazy, and emotionally unaware/ Everest is the bathroom at the top of the goddamn stairs/ I could harvest every dream that I've ever had/ Headaches beat me down to a lifeless stare.” Speaking from personal experience, when I ran out of medicine during quarantine and went into a withdrawal-induced severe depression, I remember always feeling so tired and numb inside. I barely got out of bed, gained weight, and thought about all the bad and all the work I wasn’t getting done. Even now with medication again, I still find some days are hard to exist. I can’t sleep, think, work, but part of recovery is getting up when it’s hardest. In my case, that’s that resistance he was talking about. The second verse is a little more cryptic for me because obviously I don’t know what’s in his head, but I don’t know. I  still get it: “Heartbreak's usеful to a man that is on a fence/ He's not faithful to a God full of consеquence/ Golden lady with a mind that could cut a stone/ Who could love me if I start giving you my soul.” The way I see it is that anyone who has ever loved—platonically, romantically, or familially—and has been hurt or betrayed by someone they loved understands how that heartbreak affects how you see the world and the people in it. It makes you change whatever path you were on, even if only slightly, and being able to truly love and trust someone with your most vulnerable self becomes exceedingly more difficult. And loose faith doesn’t help either. For those who believe in a God or gods, you have probably had that Peter-in-the-storm doubt, so you know that shit can wreck your confidence in yourself and in the world. Honestly, I’m a very emotionally open and intellectual person, and I’m willingly vulnerable with most everyone, but I don’t feel wanted or loved or cared for at all. I know I am, but I don’t feel that way. I’m always thinking to myself, No one is ever going to love me. I’m alone. It definitely shakes my faith and my confidence. I’ve tossed my hands up on that, and I know I’m not the only one.

Then in the bridge you see the reference to alcoholism and just trying to get through the day: “Liquid conscience spinning deeper/ Always wanting to see clearer/ Will I find the tiger's dinner?/ Waiting while my hair grows thinner/ Oh, won't someone show me the way?/ Oh, won't someone show me the way out?” I don’t struggle with alcohol (to be honest, I don’t like drinking), but I have my crutches that I lean too much on. When you rely on something so heavily, it becomes difficult to go without it. Then when you can’t keep going anymore, when you want to feel like yourself, but also not feel anything either, all you want is a way out—to not feel helpless, to not be dependent, to feel yourself again, to be hopeful and lively again. It’s a hard feeling to explain, but it sits deep.

Now, I think the pre-chorus and chorus are my favorite part of the song because it takes all those things from the verses and bridge and shoves it back in your face like “what are you going to do about it:” “Your blissful eyes will open/ A brand new voice has spoken/ Have you found what you're looking for?/ Have you found what you're looking for?/ I'm hopin' that maybe one day, it could start to make sense/ Have you found what you're looking for?” I listen, and it just makes me think for a split second like “have I found what I’m looking for?” Obviously the answer is still no. The answer will most likely always be no because times change, hardships change, people change, thoughts, ideas, and priorities change. But even though I don’t know my way around, I have an idea of where I’d like to go. So yeah, maybe one day it will make sense. I just have to figure it out. Maybe one of you can understand that too.

Overall, this is one of my favorite songs of the year. (I won’t say ever because that’s a lot of commitment that I don’t give to anyone or anything.) For all the thoughts and vibes about the song I just explained, it is my new anthem. Life is hard. Again, I lost my dad, sunk into a decreasing depression, and don’t know who I am or will be anymore. I still feel that I can’t take much more pain and numbness, or I’m gonna break beyond repair. But to get out of that, I have to, like Irwin said, push past the resistance I’m up against, however impossible it may seem. Then, hopefully, I’ll find what I’m looking for, and I hope for anyone going through some shit that “U Find What UR Looking For.”

For the love of music,

Big Shot

P.S. He linked his voice memo of the first recording he made of the song, and honestly, it’s just as impressive as the final track. https://ashtonirwinofficial.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=9537919a08329182998799809&id=0011820b3b&e=c731f2d06f 

[talkfastromance4]

For Your Eyes Only--bodyguard!ashton [Chapter Five]

Summary: Ashton Irwin is the head of security for Princess Alouette who is a kind, gentle young woman. Secretly pining for one another, those feelings will soon come to light as an occurrence will change Alouette’s life forever, and Ashton’s.

Word count: 2,822

Warnings: violence, trauma, injury

Author’s note: This is my first time writing any sort of “action” scene, I hope it’s okay! Sort of pulled the ideas from criminal minds lol and Dr. Hunt is based on Owen Hunt from Grey’s Anatomy (he’s my favorite) This story is near and dear to  my heart, please give it a chance!❤❤❤❤ 

Masterlist

Chap. 1 || Chap. 2 || Chap. 3 || Chap. 4

It’s been four days that Ashton, Michael and Calum have been following the trail that was of their Princess. As soon as they reach the destination, she’s gone. It’s like chasing smoke. Ashton makes sure to keep his anger in check and to keep finding Princess Alouette on the forefront of his mind.

The nation has turned into an uproar over the kidnapping of their Princess with radical protests and posts on social media to kill whoever took her. It’s been broadcasted all over the world with live footage of her palace being spread for all to see. It aggravates Ashton that reporters are there but his main concern is finding Alouette and bringing her home.

He’s lost so many hours of sleep that he’s pretty sure his blood has turned into caffeine considering how many cups of coffee he’s gone through. Michael is doing his absolute best hacking to try and pinpoint who has taken her and where they have her. His fingers tap away quickly on his laptop, tongue between his teeth as his eyes scan the map before him.

Luke is back at the embassy trying to get information out of their detainee, his arm is in a sling from his bullet wound.

“He’s still not talking,” Luke sighs over the phone on day five of her missing.

Ashton is pacing outside their black van which has become their new home and stakeout, Calum is sitting on the bumper with a cigarette in his mouth. Ashton almost wants to bum one off him but knows it will only make his head fuzzy.

“Mikey beat him up pretty bad, huh?” Ashton asks exhaling through his nose.

“I don’t blame him, the Princess is like his sister after all,” Luke reminds Ashton.

Ashton almost forgot how close Michael and Alouette were. Michael’s father was head of security for Alouette when she was younger so Michael was always around and they played together. As he got older and more into computers, he decided he wanted to get on her security team once his father retired. They had a close bond and Ashton always revered Michael’s ability to keep the line between friendship and professionalism clear.

“Yeah, I know,” Ashton mutters. He rubs his face with his hand. “Just . . . try and get what they want her for. Money? An exchange of goods or trade? You can do this, Luke. You’re the best interrogator on the team.”

“Thanks boss, I’ll try my best. How’re you holding up?”

“Not—“

“I’VE GOT HER!” Michael shouts.

Ashton and Calum exchange a quick look before jumping into the van standing behind Michael. They both lean over his shoulder staring at the screen as a small red circle blips with concentric red circles surrounding it.

“Are you sure?”

“Where is this?”

“I’m sure, the time stamp was from two hours ago, it must have just gotten into range of a tower right now,” Michael explains. “But if it’s from two hours ago then I think they’re still there.”

“You’re a genius, Mikey,” Ashton claps him on the back then turns to Calum, “Get weapons ready and phone for backup. Chester is on call and will be here in seconds flat. Michael, keep your eye on it and put the coordinates in our phones and the car’s GPS.”

“On it,” Michael says then knocks on the window where Cassian, the driver is. “We’ve got her, Cass but we have to move fast.”

“Send me the coordinates,” Luke says.

“No,” Ashton tells him grabbing his pistol and ammo. “You keep him talking, get his name, get any info you can so he doesn’t know we’ve found her.”

“But I—“

“You’re still injured Luke, this is your area and you can get him to talk. I know you can. We’ll send word once we’ve got her.”

•••

The coordinates have lead them to an abandoned warehouse with busted windows and broken bricks. Chester and the others arrive shortly after them and Ashton turns on all their ear pieces.

“Any insight on her exact location, sir?” Chester asks Ashton while everyone is double checking bullet vests and their weapons.

“I’ve hacked into their cameras and it looks like she’s down below in a basement,” Michael answers pointing to one of the twelve video screens on his monitor. “I can’t see her but there’s guards everywhere. I’ll let you know where and when they’re coming.”

“We’ve got to move fast, gentleman,” Ashton announces. “Let’s go. Cal, you’re with me. Chester, you and your men follow behind and our main goal is to retrieve Princess Alouette. If casualties happen, so be it.”

•••

Ashton has already knocked everyone out upstairs, Chester was behind him taking out other men who followed. There were plenty more on the floor but he and Calum sneak away through gunfire to the basement. The door was guarded by four men who Calum and Ashton took out easily.

They were only knocked out and Calum took zip ties from his pocket.

“Anymore, Mike?” Ashton asks quietly.

“No, you got them all. Chester and his crew are still taking everyone else down but I don’t see more approaching,” Michael responds.

Calum is working on cuffing the three they took out while Ashton busts through the door and sees Alouette sitting in the center of the room under a dimly lit light. She’s bound to the chair from her shoulders all the way down to her feet. He approaches her quietly so as not to startle her, but his heart is pounding in his ears with each step.

Her beautiful dress is in shreds, revealing more of her skin then Ashton liked. Bruises colored her skin, from her collarbones down to her ankles. Her head lolls from side to side, eyes closed as Ashton approaches her. She’s moaning quietly in pain when he kneels in front of her.

“My lady,” he calls to her softly.

She whimpers and flinches instinctively away from his voice, not even bothering to open her eyes. Her makeup is smeared and her lip is swollen with a cut. Blood, dried and new, paints her face.

“No more, please, no more,” she cries and Ashton’s heart breaks.

He knows not to touch her yet until her eyes are opened, otherwise she might think he’s one of her captors. He has to earn her trust back in this moment.

“It’s me, Ashton. No one is going to hurt you anymore, Princess. Open your eyes for me, Alouette.”

Her eyes flutter open at the sound of her name, she zeroes in on Ashton then wails trying to get to him. He holds onto her shoulders gently so she doesn’t hurt herself or fall over.

“Shh, shh, I’ve got you, angel, I’m right here, I’m here,” he hushes quickly holding her face gently in his hands. “I’ve got a knife that I’m going to use to untie you, okay?”

She nods rigidly, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks mixing with her blood and the dirt. He slides open his knife then swipes at the ropes binding her. Her skin is raw and red from the burn of the rope; she must have put up quite a fight. Then he cuts the ropes by her ankles and she collapses into him, her body racks with sobs.

“You’re safe now,” he tells her, his voice shaking as he holds her tightly. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

She just cries more then begins to cough harshly until she pulls away and throws up next to him. He rubs her back, taking note how little clothing she has on now from all the rips and tears. She’s practically naked before him and it makes his blood boil.

The smooth skin of her back is replaced with burn marks, cuts, and bruises. Bile rises in his throat not even wanting to think of what they did to her. He wants to kill each and every one. He pulls off his suit jacket helping her slip her arms through the sleeves then lifts her gently into his arms.

She buries her face into his neck, her whole body is trembling as he ascends the stairs to where Calum is.

“Oh thank God,” Calum sighs “She’s not—“

“She’s alive,” Ashton nods, “but she’s weak and injured. Mike, can you call the jet and her doctor?  We’re going home.”

Ashton clambers into the black van telling Cassian where to go while he holds Alouette in his lap. She’s whimpering against him, her nails holding tightly onto his shirt. Her small frame is still shaking uncontrollably and she’s forcing her eyes to stay open.

“You don’t have to stay awake. We’re going home, I’ve called Dr. Hunt and he’ll treat you on the plane.”

“If I close my eyes I’ll see them,” she shakes her head, her voice barely a whisper, “I want to see you.”

He notices her voice cracks and disappears on the vowels. She’s probably losing her voice from screaming—Ashton stops the thought immediately.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he vows holding her tighter. He kisses her forehead.

 •••

They’re all on the jet flying back to the palace. Michael and Calum are sitting up front but their eyes are glued on their Princess. Dr. Hunt examines the wounds he can see but before he goes further he glances at Ashton before turning to Alouette.

“Your highness, were you sexually assaulted by any of your captors?” he asks quietly continuing to inspect her injuries.

Ashton stops breathing, his heart pounds in his ears and his fists clench at his side.

“No,” she barely whispers. It’s a whisper of a whisper and both Ashton and Dr. Hunt lean in closer.

“Are you sure? I need to make sure I’m helping you exactly the way you need to be treated.”

“They didn’t. They . . . they touched me but that’s all,” she murmurs and reaches for Ashton who takes her hand immediately.

He’s bouncing his leg anxiously, he hates seeing her this way. Dr. Hunt nods.

“All right. Let’s get you cleaned up, if anything hurts too much let me know right away,” he tells her.

“Calum, arrange for the cars and alert the palace we’re on our way,” Ashton tells Calum, “You’re in charge until I say otherwise.”

“You got it, boss,” Calum nods pulling out his phone.

Michael is still staring, his face pale.

“Ash . . .”

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he assures moving closer to her head. He rubs her hair looking down into her eyes through the bruises.

“Don’t leave me,” she pleads. Her eyes pool with tears, her lower lip trembles.

“Never,” he shakes his head.

Dr. Hunt works silently but efficiently. Alouette has her eyes closed the whole time and Ashton’s gaze remains on her face. He combs his fingers through her hair carefully, talking softly in her ear about seeing her dogs soon and lying in bed.

“I’m going to connect her to fluids, she’s extremely dehydrated. I’ll make sure she’s set up in her bedroom and start off with soup at first to get her strength up,” Dr. Hunt says while he’s cleaning up gauze and towels.

She’s stitched up and, for the most part, clean from the dirt. He’ll make sure Rosa cleans her up properly once they’re in the palace.

“Thank you.”

“I find it hard to believe that none of them . . . assaulted her since she was with them for five days,” Dr. Hunt says. “She probably felt uncomfortable with the both of us.”

“She’s very comfortable with me, but I’ll ask again or have one of her maids in waiting ask just to be sure.”

••• 

Calum and Michael want to stay with the Princess while Dr. Hunt sets up her IV’s. But Ashton tells them to go get some rest and keep Luke informed. Rosa is currently giving her a quick sponge bath in the bathroom and the three men are outside her door.

“I’ll keep you updated, I promise,” Ashton tells them. “She needs her rest. We all do.”

“You call us as soon as she’s strong enough,” Michael says with conviction.

“I will. Now, go get rid of the reporters, make a quick statement without giving too much away. Just tell them she’s home and she’s recovering,” Ashton commands.

“You get some rest, too, Ash,” Calum tells him quietly before leaving with Michael who is still grumbling.

Ashton enters her room just as Rosa and Alouette exit the bathroom. Alouette reaches for him and he runs to her aid immediately helping her into her bed. She’s wearing a large purple t-shirt nightgown, her hair is wet behind her back.

Rosa heads back into the bathroom and comes out with a bundle of Alouette’s tattered clothes then leaves the room.

“I’m going to give you a small sedative just to help you sleep, your highness,” Dr. Hunt informs her as he sticks the IV in her. “Once that is in your bloodstream you’ll be filled with fluids to hydrate you. I’ll be back in twenty-four hours to check on you.”

“Yes, thank you, Dr. Hunt,” Alouette smiles as warmly as she can then grimaces when it pulls at the stitches on her face.

“Take it easy, don’t strain yourself,” he stands up touching her shoulder gently.

“Okay,” she nods scurrying beneath the blankets a bit more.

“I’ll walk you out, Dr. Hunt,” Ashton says heading to the door of her room. “Thank you so much for everything.”

“Of course, anything for Princess Alouette,” he nods then turns to Ashton before leaving, “you take it easy as well Mr. Irwin. I know how tirelessly you worked to find her, make sure to get some rest and don’t beat yourself up for her being taken in the first place.”

“Right,” Ashton clears his throat. “I’ll try not to, but she’s my first priority.”

“I know, she’s lucky to have you. Call me if you need anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ashton closes the door rubbing his fingers on the gold handle before facing Alouette. She rolls her head to look at him, his breath hitches at the sight of her. She takes his breath away daily but how she looks now tears at his heart which he’s sure she can hear because it’s beating so loud.

“Hi,” she says gently.

“Hi, my lady,” he smiles softly approaching her bed. He pulls his hands from his pockets and sits down on the edge of her bed.

“I thought we were passed that.”

“We are, but you’ve never stopped being my lady, Alouette,” he smiles taking her hand in his. Even after her warm bath her skin is still ice cold. He frowns. “Do you need more blankets?”

He moves to get up but Alouette stops him. “Please don’t go, you’ve been around but you’ve been leaving me all the same. Am I . . . am I too horrible to look at?”

“What? Oh, no, no nothing like that,” he shakes his head adamantly. “It kills me to see you like this. I wish I could take all your pain away.”

“Being here is enough,” she smiles then glances down at his spot on the bed. “Although, you’re too far away.”

“I don’t want to hurt you . . .”

“You won’t, trust me. I spent five days away from you, Ashton, and they were the worst five days of my life.”

“They were for me as well,” he admits leaning forward to caress her cheek.

She leans into his touch, eyes closing at his warmth but they flash open as images from her kidnapping appear.

“Can you lay with me?” her voice trembles.

Ashton licks his lips, the thumb on her cheek pauses from rubbing it as her words marinate in his mind. She just asked him to lay in bed with her and he knows he shouldn’t and yet, those five days apart were horrendous.

His nod is jerky as he removes his hand and stands up. He removes his jacket and other bulky things from his pants pockets, making sure his cell phone is on the side table in case Calum contacts him with an emergency.

Alouette scoots over as much as she can but she’s still weak, thankfully she has a California King sized bed and Ashton lays down next to her. She shifts into his chest and Ashton wraps his arms around her easily. He feels how cold she is and her fingers clutch onto his shirt stiffly, inhaling deeply.

“You can sleep now, I’ve got you,” Ashton mumbles in her hair. The familiar scent of apples qualms him and he feels her body relax against his.

“What if I see them?” she whispers but her eyes become heavy as the sedative begins to take effect.

“I’ll scare them away, no one will ever hurt you again, angel,” he kisses the top of her head and begins to rock gently.

_____________________

Taglist: @rotten-kandy​